#I had to stop myself from doing top 20s lmao }

[cheriladycl01]

Fan Zone Fanatic - Lando Norris x Anxiety! Reader

Plot: You love taking the F1 bracelets off of fans because you will play with them whenever you get anxious and they are a source of comfort for you now.

(I literally do this with my bracelets lmao)

One thing you absolutely adored was fan interaction. As much as you got really anxious in large crowds with overstimulating sounds and smells, you loved helping give gifts to Lando and guide him to younger fans with caps pushed to the back and hold his own hand for comfort when he too got overwhelmed from the amount of people yelling his name.

Right now you were at the gates to the paddock and you were walking through hand in hand with Lando. When you saw a load of fans at the entrance.

“Lando! Lando”

“Come sign my helmet please”

“Lando I have something for you”

“Y/N”

Loads of voices came at one, you smile at Lando and nod your head over to the fans starting to drag him over to the fencing.

“Omg Y/N” one cries handing you a pretty generic McLaren hat, you take it to pass to Lando until she shakes her head.

“I want you to sign it! I’ve already got Landos” she smiles and you laugh, loving that people wanted your signature too.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin it!” You smile kindly at her and she nods again. You sign it and then she pulls a clip of the friendship bracelets out.

“Please take one” she smiles and beofre you know it, you have loads of girls gifting you friendship bracelets off their bags.

Before you know it, you have all sorts of bracelets covering your arms.

There was mainly Lando and McLaren ones, but a few Chili or Enjoy the butterfly’s ones snuck their way onto your wrist that when you were showing Lando all of them once you got into the paddock he was laughing so hard.

“I think my fans love you more than they love me if I’m being honest, they’re always so sweet and respectful to you” he smiles as he shifts through the bracelets before he finds one with your name on it that he takes off your own wrists and places it on his own. “This one im keeping” he comments.

“I think I might head to the fanzone today, deck myself out in McLaren merch and just see what happens” you grin and he looks at you with a furrowed brow.

“Are you sure baby? I don’t think that’s a great idea, you’ve never experienced the fans without a barrier or anything …” he offers and you nod your head knowing what your getting yourself into.

“I know but I want to interact and I’m kind of obsessed with these bracelets now and I kind of want more of them!” You nod having made up your mind fully with a small smile matching it.

“Okay baby, but just keep one of the security with you. Just so they can help you out if needed. You don’t have to walk with them but just keep them close yeah? Take Dave, you like Dave right?” Lando says immediately concerned about you.

“I’ll take Dave just for you’re own piece of mind” you tease lightly nudging him before you take his team hat and grab one of his spare team tops.

“How do i look” you say with a twirl before ending with a hand in your hip.

“Beautiful” Lando mutters with heart eyes as he looks over at you.

Lando if he was being honest, never had it so good. You were literally perfect in his eyes. You treated him so well, and there wasn’t a singular moment he didn’t feel lucky to experience the weird and wonderful phenomena we call life.

“Stop it, you’re making me blush” you comment and he just laughs before kissing your cheek and sending you off.

“Don’t be gone too long okay! And check in with me! Please?” He asks.

“Ooooo wait can I buy some hats and get you to sign them please?!? I can hand them out in exchange for bracelets” you grin and before you know it you’ve got Lando signing as many hats as you could possibly fit in one bag.

He ended up signing 60 hats in the span of 20 minutes which is pretty impressive, considering he has to break to make out with you for 5 of those. Lando was an exceptionally clingy boyfriend.

Eventually you leave waving goodbye to him and smiling.

You walk out of the paddock entrance and around to the main gate. Where you’ve got the sunglasses and baseball cap on, it’s kind of hard to notice who you actually are so you were pretty confident that you could walk through pretty happily.

You noticed Dave, not too close and not too far. You walked into the fan zone seeing all the stools and shops with merch from different teams and the smell of the greasy hot dogs and chips.

You were just walking looking through one of the McLaren stands and about to pick up a Lando Norris t-shirt when a small tap was felt on your thigh. You turn round seeing a little girl, maybe 6 or 7.

“Hiya” you smile and the mum asks if you want to trade bracelets. You nod happily and show her your arms of the ones you had and she sees the LN4 one with his helmet design.

“Oh that’s a good one, Landos helmet” you grin and smile at her kindly taking it off your own wrist and putting it around hers.

“Woah you have so many” you laugh lightly seeing up to her elbows covered in them.

“Take two if you would like” the mum smiles and you nod.

“Why don’t you choose one for me, and then I’ll choose another one?” You ask the young girl and she nods excitedly looking over her arms before picking out a Max one.

“Max huh” you grin taking the MaxV33 off her and pulling it around your own wrist.

“I think I’ll take this one too, my goal today is to get one of every driver” you smile and she grins seeing you take the Zhou Guanyu one.

“I also have something I want to give you from Lando” you grin and she looks excited.

You pull out the signed hat and she squeals, looking over the signature.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” She grins and pulls you into a hug. You laugh back and go to offer the mum one, but she politely shakes her head.

“Keep them for the youngsters” she smiles and you nod. The little girl finally lets go and hands the old hat back to her mum before putting the new signed on.

“Awww look at that! You look so cool!” You exclaim and the girl giggles more.

You say goodbye and get back to shopping. You end up buying an overpriced Lando top despite you wearing official staff uniform as of right now and thank the very shocked worker who asks for you picture once you’ve payed. You offer her a hat but refuses as she got one earlier before her shift from the paddock entrance.

You head into the heart of the fanzone where the sims are and all the other interactive stuff they put on for the fans. You can hear music from the massive stage, which is slowly starting to fill up.

20 minutes until Ferrari on stage.

1 hour till McLaren on stage. You knew you were going to go there for the McLaren one.

“Y/N?” You hear from you far left and see 3 girls with two guys behind them.

You smile happily jog over to them.

“Hey!” You grin and one of the girls squeals.

“Do you want some of our bracelets we brought way to many!” The girls admit showing you their bags full of the beaded bracelets.

“How long did this take you guys! These are incredible” you smile looking at all the different colours and types and the fact some had crystals on them. And all the funny messages rather than drivers names.

“Oh it’s nothing, just something we like to do in our free time!” One of the girls nods.

“They’re lying it took them days to prepare these for the race” one of the guys admits and you nod knowing that was far more accurate.

“How many can I take?” You ask looking at them, it was strange because even though these girls looked in their teens and younger than you they were all a lot taller than you. Making you feel kind of strange looking upwards at almost all of them.

“As many as you want” you start to look through. You burst out laughing at one that says Muppet 1 and Muppet 2 in one of the girls bags.

“Can i take both and give one to Lando so we’re matching” and she nods enthusiastically at the thought of Lando himself having one of her bracelets.

“Omg yes! Please please! Do you erm speak to any of the other drivers?” She asks and you nod, you were close with loads of the drivers. Especially their girlfriend as you were a social floater, sometimes you went out shopping with Alexandra, Charles girlfriend. Or going for brunch with Carmen, golfing with Lily or out to dinner with Oscar and his Lily.

“I do, why do you want me to give something?” You ask politely and she nods handing you a T-shirt. You open it up to see a funny print of George Russell T-Posing.

“I’ll make sure when I get back to the paddock to give this to George” you smile and she thanks you profusely.

You got to the next girls bag and find a Yuki Tsunoda One, and a Lando one that was of his Miami win. It had a little palm tree dangly on it and you knew you just had to take it.

And in the last one you picked out a Charles Leclerc and Ferrari one.

“This may seem rude but I don’t want to trade to many bracelets off, I want to keep as many as possible but I have other gifts” you smile and pull 5 signed caps out the bag handing one to each of them.

“They’re signed by Lando” you smile and they all looked shocked and one almost starts to tear up.

“Can I hug you?” One of them asks before you nod and pull her into a hug. You get a group photo before they run off all having really happy faces.

This is why you were so happy to do this, just seeing that smile on random peoples faces knowing you’d made them feel like that was so rewarding.

You walk to the sim racers and see loads of people on them, trying to get in good laps. You were utterly hopeless on Landos at home so there was no way you were trying it here and making a fool out of yourself.

“Girlie! You want a bracelet!” A voice from behind you says and you turn to look.

A girl comes running up to you, showing the clip of beads in front of you.

The afternoon continued like that. You took bracelets and gave people hats in exchange for them. You were thankful nobody had posted the pictures you’d taken with them yet, so it still didn’t feel like you were having people actively come try and find you.

You make your way to the stage seeing it’s pretty empty now that Ferrari have gone and you stand right by the fence where Lando will be able to see you. There’s two guys in McLaren hats next to you, one in a Lando one and one in a Danny Ric one.

“Damn that’s some fossil merch” you joke and they turn to look at you seeing you’re get up. They laugh and nod explaining how they live McLaren but Danny is their driver.

“Who do you support?” One of them asks before his mate bursts out laughing.

“Dude that Lando’s girlfriend” the other one with the DR3 McLaren hat laughs. And you laugh with him before the guys fully takes a look over you and flushes Red.

“I’m so so sorry” he says.

“It’s fine, but of course my driver is Yuki Tsunoda” you tease and they both laugh. You have a nice conversation with them, you’d get Lando to sign their hats when he was on stage.

The guys were really nice, just asking you questions about the paddock on racing and how long you’d followed the sport and it was nice just talking.

However the more people started to fill up the more you got anxious. Unconsciously your hand started to fiddle with the bracelets, lightly snapping them against your skin or pushing the beads from one place to another. The feeling giving you a certain kind of comfort to stimulate you enough that it was a distraction from all the noise around you.

All of a sudden the music gets louder beofre Naomi Schiff comes out to introduce the drivers to the now packed in crowd.

“Hello, how are we all feeling out there? Little warm today isn’t it. We’ll all of you keep hydrated nearest water station is up to your right” she indicates.

“Now without further or do, let’s find your drivers. Here for McLaren, Oscar Piastri and LANDO NORRIS” she calls and both the papaya boys come jogging out onto the stage.

“Hello Lando, Hello Oscar, how are you guys today?” She asks and both of them nod.

“Yeah really good, it’s pretty warm but we’re excited to be here” Lando says and Oscar nods in agreement.

“Yes, I think I’ve drunk 3 big bottles of water and two cans of monster” Oscar jokes and everyone in the crowd laughs.

“Enjoy the summer break?” She asks and they both nod.

“Yeah I got to spend lots of time with my girlfriend in England, and we …” Oscar starts but is interrupted by Lando.

“Oooo girlfriend, your girlfriend” Lando teases making Oscar go bright red in embarrassment.

“Says you, you wouldn’t shut up about Y/N” Oscar pushes back making Lando just laugh. The boys beside you starts whopping and cheering your name trying to point you out and draw attention to the fact your here.

People start to catch on and help to point you out, making you duck your head down in embarrassment as you laugh.

“Oh look Lando we’ve got some fans calling your name over here, oh wait. Is that … Lando is that Y/N” she says holding her que cards above her head to stop the glare of the sun to her eyes so she can get s better look at you.

You smile and wave being very familiar with the woman.

“Oh you’re right, give it up for Landos girlfriend everyone” Naomi cheers and you blush.

“Hi baby” Lando smiles shyly waving at you making you wave back.

“Wait did you chance tops?” He laughs seeing you now in the Lando Norris official team t-shirt. You nod and he just laughs shaking his head.

Before you know it he’s jumped down and is coming over to you. He pulls you into a hug, before signing some stuff around you and going back up to where Oscar is.

“Well, what did you do over the summer. You and Y/N were very present online” she adds knowing you always loved to post online what you and Lando did as it served as memories to share with a wider community.

Also a lot of what you posted have the fans a fix of their delulu needs which you were always happy to do.

“We want to Boa Vista and then we saw Martin Garrix a good friend play in Ibiza, we saw some of the other drivers there too. Went to a Taylor Swift concert, went to Bali and now we’re back here and racing” he grins and you smile at the thought of the summer holidays with Lando.

“Awww well sounds like you had a lovely time and you’re nice and relaxed ready to get racing again. How does it feel knowing how close you are to a championship with Max?” She asks and he nods.

“Looking for a good result this weekend but with my lucky charm here I’m hoping for a win” he nods and after some more questions posed to Oscar and Lando people start to leave the minute they are off the stage.

You keep a hold on one of the bracelets going behind the stage to where Lando is waiting for you. Dave helps you get past the majority of the crowd who some ask for pictures with you and more bracelets are given to you.

You round the corner into the VIP second and a Lando immediately comes up to you wrapping you in a hug.

“That was nice seeing you it there, but I was terrified the whole time with how cramped in you all looked” he admits as he kisses your temple.

“Look how many bracelets I got! Oooo look I have one for you too, a matching one with me” you grin and hand him the muppet number 1 and show him your muppet number 2.

“These are brilliant. I’m happy you enjoyed yourself.” He smiles and walks you over to the car to take you to the paddock.

Going forward you actually wore those bracelets given to you all the time. You and Lando wore the muppet ones everyday but you would change up which ones you’d wear on your other wrist each day but you always made sure you had one especially when you knew it was going to be an anxiety filled day.

The fans would never know how much these bracelets meant to you but you were so thankful.

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Bonus Drabble 3

Summary: Morning sickness has hit you hard today but Jungkook's always there to take care of you no matter what mood you're in (A little glimpse into their future together) Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 2.3K~ (honestly got carried away with this one lmao) Warning: Talks about pregnancy and throwing up lmao. Suggestive language but I think that's it lol a/n: This was an ask I got and again I wrote soooo much for it compared to how long my drabbles usually are so I figured I would give you guys a little peek into their future together and do a longer one 🤭 (written in almost one sitting so yeah barely edited) Start from the beginning

I slump down on the floor, taking in the cool bathroom tiles under m knees as I throw up for what felt like the millionth time today and I have to will myself to not lay down, seeking comfort from this constant nausea I've been granted with these past few weeks.

"It's okay baby I got you. Let it all out" Jungkook mumbles next to me, holding back my hair with one hand while he rubs my back with the other. Trying his best to provide some sort of comfort in my darkest hours.

Okay that was a little dramatic but morning sickness sucks alright. And by the way, such a misleading name since I've been puking my guts out morning, noon and night.

I lean my arm against the rim of the toilet and lay my head on top of that, the dizziness settling in moments later leaving me hurling again.

Once I've finished after spending what felt like hours kneeling in front of that toilet I'm finally granted some solace, although that nausea had now been replaced with a splitting headache.

Jungkook had suggested I take a nice long bath. One that's a little on the chilly side so it'll hopefully help the dizziness subside.

He's made it no less relaxing though, giving me a new bathtub pillow with candles lit all around (unscented ones of course since strong smells have been another thing that has made me sick) and my regular ginger ale slushy he always makes me every time I get sick.

Although he tried to leave me be so I could relax I was able to easily convince him into the tub with me, begging him to massage my feet. Something he was honestly more than willing to do.

"Anything for the mother of my child" has been his favorite phrase to use ever since I got pregnant and it makes me melt every time he says it.

"You feeling any better?" he asks, having moved up my legs a bit to massage my calfs as well. "Yeah, thank you" I mumble since any loud sounds or bright lights are just the cherry on top of the things that are trying to prolong this headache.

"That's good" he says giving me a soft smile, a pained expression hidden behind it, wishing he could take away some of my pain. 

"Were coming up to the second trimester right? The doctor says morning sickness usually stops once you finish up the first" he tries to encourage me, hoping to give me a light to see at the end of the tunnel.

"We've got about two weeks left" I say, sinking down further into the tub, dreading the thought of living like this for the next two weeks. "I'm sorry Bunny. If I could I would take all of this away and put it all on me. I hate seeing you like this" he finally admits what's been on his mind recently, even though it's been very apparent with every look he's given me.

"You know that I love you right?" he says, moving closer to where I am and gives me a kiss before sliding in next to me and and moving me over to where I can sit between his legs, making me lay against his chest.

"I love you too" I whisper, taking one of his hands and playing with it while the other one rubs my baby bump that's getting bigger and bigger everyday. "You're so strong for doing this for us. I'm so proud of you" he mumbles against my neck, kissing the skin there and making me truly feel so loved.

I just feel so complete with him. Like there's nothing else in the world that I could possibly want. Except for this little bean that makes me puke up every single thing I dare to eat.

"How big is it right now?" he asks, referring to the pregnancy app I downloaded. "The size of a Kumquat" I giggle, thinking about the fact that a baby that small could make me so sick.

"What's a kumquat?" he chuckles right with me, confused by the unfamiliar fruit. "It's like a mini orange but...not" I say, not super confident in my answer. He laughs again and I sigh before continuing.

"It's like the size of a really big grape...but it's citrus" I say, trying to help him visualize it but he just laughs at my efforts, switching from rubbing my tummy to hugging, pulling me in as close as he can.

I pout when he still hasn't made moves to tell me that he kind of understands what I'm saying but he just trails a few more kisses down my neck instead.

"Should I go get some next time I go to the store?" he says, changing to feather light kisses making squirm at the ticklish sensation. "You want to eat our child?" I say, turning around in his embrace, breathing in the most dramatic gasp I can muster and he rolls his eyes at me.

"You know what I mean" he groans and I respond by giving him a kiss, one that's more full of life than they have been for a while.

"The bath made you feel that much better huh?" he smirks, taking in the light in my eyes again. "Yeah, also you helped me feel better. Just a little bit" I say holding up my pointer finger and thumb bringing them close together.

"Just a little bit huh?" he says, cocking a brow at me and I know I've made a mistake, or a terribly terribly delicious mistake. Maybe a little bit of both.

"Yeah just a little bit" I say, challenging him. He quickly stands up and gets me out of the tub, drying the both of us off for a few seconds before pulling me into the bedroom and throwing me on the bed. I giggle at his actions and watch as he crawls on top of me while cup the side of his face, bringing him in closer to kiss me.

"Seems like I should try a little harder huh?" he chuckles dryly and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I wonder what the baby might feel when that happens. Do they know how nervous their daddy makes me feel sometimes?

Once we kiss for a little bit I push back on his shoulder, take in a deep breath and then push him off seconds later, running back to that same place, kneeling before that porcelain throne yet again.

He trails in after me after having put on a pair of boxers, kneeling down beside me and again trying to comfort me.

"I'm sorry" I say, trying to calm my breathing after having finished and he chuckles. "It's okay it's not your fault. I guess it's just gonna be something we gotta get used to" he says and I furrow my brows, questioning his words.

"We'll have to start being careful so we don't wake up the baby once they're here" he teases and I roll my eyes, laughing along with him at the thought of being interrupted by our children late at night.

"Hopefully that won't happen too often" I breath out, starting to focus on my breathing to stop myself from retching again. "You just gotta learn to be a little more quiet" he teases, poking me in the ribs making me push his shoulder lightly but he sways right back over to me.

"It's not just me you know" I scoff and he continues to be amused at my efforts of defense. "Whatever" I grumble, standing up and flushing the toilet before cleaning myself off again and brushing my teeth.

"Come on Bunny you know I love you" he says following me back into the bedroom and over to the closet so I can pick out something to wear to bed. "I also love all those pretty little noises you make for me" he whispers in my ear, caressing my belly again but for more sensual motives this time.

I throw one of his t shirts over my head, trapping him under it for a second before he pulls away from me so I can put it on the rest of the way. 

I forego wearing anything else since I pretty much sleep naked most nights. The t shirt being a relatively new edition to provide some sort of warmth if I have to rush to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I pull back the covers and lay in bed, him following close behind and getting in next to me, pouting from the feeling of being shut out from the silent treatment I'm giving him but he gives me time to take a breather. 

"Can I hold you?" he asks in a tentative tone, not wanting to push it but still wanting to be close to me. Instead of answering I reach my arm back and grab onto his and throw it over me, taking his hand and placing it on my belly where he immediately starts to caress it, bringing those fluttery feelings back again. 

"I love you Darling" he mumbles into my neck after having come closer, my back up against his chest again, our legs tangled together while he encompasses me in that love that is truly palpable. "I love you too Daddy" I mumble with a smile on my face and he smiles against my skin. 

"Should I start calling you Mommy?" he teases, rubbing my belly and making me laugh. "Maybe when the baby gets here" I say, and he leans down so he can be eye to eye with my bump and starts talking to the baby. 

"Hey there you little Kumquat, you better let Mommy sleep tonight you got it? She's getting cranky with me when all I wanna do is love her" he says and I wack him upside he head, leaving him groaning in fake pain and I laugh while he continues to talk to the baby. 

"See? All I was doing was telling you to treat her better and then she goes and hits me. We're gonna have a serious talking to once you get out of there missy!" he says, and I laugh again, now choosing to run my fingers through his hair instead. "And now she's rewarding me, I don't know if I should praise you for that or still scold you" he pouts. "Be nice to the baby he doesn't know better" I chuckle and then he looks up at me, shocked at what I'm insinuating. 

"You hear that? She called you a boy! How rude. You're obviously a girl" he counters, the two of us still at odds on the gender of this baby. "How are you so sure?" I question, curious as to why he's been so dead set on thinking it's a girl. "I looked it up" he says sitting up so he can state his case. "Oh really?" I say sitting up and mirroring his posture, the both of us with our arms crossed over our chests. 

"Yup it says that excessive nausea is primarily linked to girls" he says, clearly proud of himself. "Oh yeah?" I question, cocking a brow at him (a habit I've picked up since I've been with him). "Yeah" he says, leaning over me to grab my phone on the nightstand, unlocking it and looking it up before showing me an article. 

"See" he says, and I roll my eyes. "Just because one article says that doesn't mean-" I'm interrupted by him grabbing my phone out of my hand and going back to the google results page before giving it back to me. I scroll and scroll and scroll and see that a vast majority of them support his claims. 

"Ha! Look!" I say, picking out the one article that says it's linked to boys. "Grasping at straws aren't we?" he chuckles. "Whatever" I huff and lay back down.

We get back into that position we had been in before, him leaning over me to talk to be baby again. "Goodnight baby, sweet dreams. You know I love you no matter what you are" he says and places a kiss on my bump making me caress his head again, wondering how I got so lucky. "But I secretly hope you're a girl" he says, mumbling it right against my stomach as if him continuing to say it would change the outcome. 

"Alright Daddy say goodnight for real this time" I chuckle, signaling him to lay back down so we can go to sleep. "Goodnight my love. See you soon" he finishes, placing one last kiss and laying back down to hold me again. "I swear you sweet talk that baby more often than you sweet talk me" I tease and he pinches one of my nipples in response. 

"Hey! Those are sensitive" I whine and he chuckles, tapping twice on my hip telling me to calm down. "Lets go to bed grumpy" he says, pulling me closer when I try to push him away. "I swear both of you are always ganging up on me" I grumble and he chuckles. 

"It's our job isn't it?" he says moving his hand this way and that on my belly almost as if he was doing a secret handshake with them. "I swear" I breathe out and all I hear is him starting to have a conversation with the baby again.

"Love you Mommy" he teases, acting as if he was the baby and roll my eyes. He follows it up giving me a similar sentiment, this time deepening his tone and saying it right in my ear. "Goodnight Mommy, love you" he says, placing one last kiss on my neck "Goodnight" I whisper back leaving him holding me tight, finally settling down. 

I'm greeted a few moments later with the sounds of his soft snores, my forever lullaby. "Love you too Daddy" I whisper barely loud enough for anyone to hear but it brings me comfort, knowing that soon those words will be echoed throughout our home for years to come.  

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[springseasonie]

Hate me more | LMH (M)

Enemies to lovers, Camp counselors Mark x Fem reader

Summary: You really dislike Mark and you're pretty sure he dislikes you too. Ever since he came to the camp last year, he's been nothing short of a headache to you. And now you're forced to work with him this summer, and his mission is clearly to piss you off.

Warnings: sexual content, heavy dubcon/cnc themes, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), kissing (shocker), Mark is annoying, so is the reader tbh, may be errors even though proof read

Word count: 7,7k

Song recs: kiss by NCT dojaejung (this is my way of promoting the unit go stream)

A/N: I was gonna write something for the release of golden hour but this took a bit longer than expected 😭 10 days later an I finally finished it lmao please give feedback if you want it's always appreciated

"Okay kiddos make sure you have all your things before we go back to the cabins okay?"

"Yes Ms. Y/N!"

You gave them a thumbs up as you leaned on a tree, waiting for all the kids to pack up. This was your life every summer for the past 4 years. Being a camp counselor was a lot of work the first time, but by the end of the summer, you had to come back. You loved your kids and they loved you. The staff was always so welcoming and nice. That was true until Mark started the third summer.

He was such an asshole. All the other female counselors gushed over him and his looks. He was constantly flirting with everyone, using his looks and charisma to get himself out of shit. It annoyed you, and Mark instantly took notice. He would side eye you all the time and talk about you as if you weren't friends with everyone else. He didn't really care though, he enjoyed being confronted by you every time he got "caught." Mark found your anger funny, never really taking you seriously.

And now you're paired to work with him this summer.

"Ms. Y/N, where is Mr. Mark? I need help getting something out a tree," one of the kids asked.

"That's a good question honey." You glanced around the area, looking over both shoulders to try and get a sign of him. And of course, he's nowhere to be found. "I don't see him around. We're just gonna have to wait for him okay?"

The little girl nods and runs back to her friends. Ten minutes go by and you start to get annoyed. This happened way more often than you would like to think. Mark disappears to do something or someone for way too long and you're left to take care of the kids by yourself. Sometimes, you almost think it's unbelievable how unreliable he is, sneaking away leaving you alone with 20 children in a forest. But then again, it's on brand for him.

5 more minutes went by and you start to get frustrated. You have no idea what he could be doing that's going to cause all of you to be late for dinner time. "Okay everyone please listen to me okay?" All the kids stop talking and turn to you. "I'm gonna go look for Mr. Mark, but I need all of you to sit in 5 rows of 4. Now." All the kids practically run to sit next to their friends and plop down on the floor.

"Good. None of you move or get up. If anything happens, scream at the top of your lungs okay? I'll be right back." All of the kids agreed as you turned to walk into the forest, going the way you last saw him.

"So fucking irresponsible," you muttered to yourself. "How the hell am I supposed to watch 20 kids by myself?"

You could still hear the kids, so you know you weren't too far away from the area or the trail. This wasn't new for you, always looking for him. It's only been a month since the both of you had to start working together, and he was already making shit hard for you. Mark liked to go hide somewhere. it was either to get away from you, the kids, or to get blown off by some staff member. You couldn't stand it.

"I mean seriously, can't he control himself for one fucking summer," you grumble. "Fucks everything that walks. What an ass."

"Well I wouldn't say that."

Your body jumped violently suddenly hearing his voice next to you. You whipped your head in his direction seeing him sitting, leaning in a tree. Mark had his ear buds in and from where you were standing, you could still hear the music playing.

"Where the hell were you," you asked angrily.

Mark stood up and dusted his pants off as he walked to you. You crossed your eyes, eyeing him up and down. He was so smug about everything. He always looked like something was amusing to him, like there was always a joke to tell.

"Here," he said.

"Clearly. And how the hell do you even have a working phone out here. There is literally no service."

Mark shrugged, wrapping the ear buds around his phone and putting it in his back pocket. "I downloaded stuff before I came."

"Whatever, let's go," you said, rolling your eyes.

"Where are the kids," he asked you, placing his hands in his pockets as he walked.

"In the same place I left them. I had to come get you like you were a lost child. Stop leaving me with all these kids."

Mark smiled in amusement as he walked behind you. You didn't really notice, but you tend to stomp when you are angry. And fortunately for Mark, it wasn't annoying. He actually found it cute, but he wouldn't tell you that.

"Can we take a break? My legs hurt," he whined teasingly.

"Mark, stop playing games. We have 20 kids in the forest waiting for us to come back and the sun will start setting soon," you replied, sighing heavily.

"Oh please we'll be okay."

And at this moment, you've just about had it with him. You turned around, lips pursed at his nonchalant response. Mark stopped in his tracks, looking up at you as you stood on the top of the small hill. "You have one more time to piss me off or I will report you. I'm not joking."

Mark's amused expression washed away as you turned around and kept walking. For the rest of the walk back, he said nothing. Soon enough, the both of you got back to the kids who were still sitting and chatting.

You sighed, groaning quietly. "I'm gonna do another headcount. You get that thing out of the tree."

"Why couldn't you just do it," he complained.

"Because- you know what, just get it out the tree."

You counted all of the kids, double and triple checking everyone and the area around you. Soon enough, Mark got the toy that was stuck in the tree out, and everyone was ready to leave. "Okay everyone you know the drill. Get your buddy and get in line. Mark, you'll watch the back."

"Didn't sound like a question," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I wasn't asking."

"I swear to you I will kill him if I'm ever alone with him again."

"He's really not that bad," Somi said, taking another bite of her pancake.

"Please, bad is an understatement," you say as you sit down. "He fucking left me with 20 kids, and then when we got back and I told him how dangerous that was, he says 'but you handled it, right?'"

Somi laughs, clearly amused at your story. You give her a confused look, not understanding why she wasn't siding with you. "Y/N, anything he says makes you angry."

"That's not the point!" Somi stops laughing when she sees how upset you are. "He left me and 20 kids in the forest near sunset to sit on his ass and listen to music. Then got an attitude with me because I was telling him what do when he wanted to act like a fucking child. I'm tired of it, Somi. I've been dealing with this for a month."

"Shit, I didn't think it was that serious," she said, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

"We literally could've had a bear encounter or something. I don't want to keep taking responsibility for his shit," you say, sighing heavily. "Anyways, I'm done complaining. Let's just eat."

You went to bed last night still completely angry at what happened in the forest. Mark didn't say anything to you walking back, but your conversation once you got back to the main camp was nothing short of unpleasant. It consisted of all your usual unpleasantries with him. Mark didn't really seem to care much though. You hated that you always let him get a rise out of you once you said you weren't going to do it anymore. And at this point, you had to get to the bottom of it.

You looked around the dining hall trying to find Mark. You knew he was there, he always came late after roughhousing with the kids in his cabin. Searching around some more, you spot him in line getting food. "I see him."

"Please don't harass the man," Somi begged you.

"Too late." You got up and walked to him. You really needed all this bad energy between the both of you to disappear. You weren't too sure about him, but it made every day difficult and you couldn't deal with it all summer. "Hey buddy," you said, tapping his shoulder.

"Didn't know we were friends."

The fake smile immediately turned into a frown. "Our conversation from last night isn't finished."

Mark groaned quietly as you followed his pace in the line. "Why do you keep bothering me if you don't like me?"

"I'm not bothering you, I'm trying to figure out what your deal is," you whisper yell. You followed Mark to his usual seat with the other male counselors, taking a seat right next to him. You were too focused on him to notice the confused stares you got from everyone else.

"Um, hey Y/N," Haechan greeted you awkwardly. "Is this…your new spot?"

"I came to talk to your friend if you don't mind."

"She's crazy," Mark blurted out, making the table laugh.

You smacked him on the arm, making him turn to you with the brightest smile you've seen all summer. And for some reason this was the first time you looked at him without feeling pure irritation. He was actually pretty…cute?

You couldn't look directly in the eyes, fearing that the anger you felt all morning would go away. Instead of speaking, you got up and went back to the table with Somi.

"So..what happened," she questioned.

"Nothing."

"You don't seem too upset by it," Somi observed.

"What..what are you talking about," you said, trying to deflect.

"You can't fool me, you're terrible at lying," she laughed. Somi took another bit of her pancake, but stopped laughing, giving you a look as if she found out something. "Do you like him?"

"Keep your voice down! And don't eat with your mouth full, you look like a damn kid."

"Y/N, do you like him?"

"Of course not! I can't stand the man," you deny.

Somi squints her eyes and side eyes you, but says nothing. You know she doesn't believe you, but it doesn't really matter because either way, you don't like him. "Okay..just know that today is your day to clean the kitchen."

"I know," you said with a sigh.

"And his also," she reminded you.

"Goodness kill me now."

-

You and Mark cleaned the dishes in the kitchen silently, not daring to say a word. There was an unspoken rule between the 2 of you at the moment, first person to speak surrenders to the other for the entire summer. You'll never surrender to him, no matter what it takes (that's what you want to believe anyway.) Mark had been stealing glances for about 30 minutes now, watching you clean meticulously and quietly. He always thought you were pretty, except for when you were being annoying that is. He always thought of himself as the bigger person, despite his childish nature, so he thought he should end this silent game sooner than expected.

"Did you get sleep," he asked.

"Why do you care?"

"I can't be concerned about my friend," he said. Mark chuckled softly when you sucked your teeth.

"Why do you insist on pissing me off," you say, turning to him. "Like I really don't understand why you don't like me. Since you came here last year, I've been nothing short of annoyed with you."

"It's never been my intention, but I just happen to strike those emotions in some women."

"What the fuck does that mean?" You put down the dirty dishes, crossing your arms as you looked at him with a brow raised.

"It means," he replied, turning to you, "that the more women are attracted to me, the less they like me."

You scoffed, getting back to cleaning the dishes. "You wish. You're out of your fucking mind."

"If I'm crazy, then what exactly was that earlier," he asked. You didn't know, but Mark definitely noticed how you backed off of him during breakfast. The way your expression changed, how quick you got up. It almost seemed like you were running from something, and he knew exactly what it was. "I know you like me."

"I don't like you. I just didn't want to talk to you in front of all your friends. They were laughing at me, so I left," you explained. Mark took two steps to you, his body ending up close to yours. You backed up a bit, not understanding why he was close to you, but he followed you again. "What are you doing?"

"Testing something out," he said simply.

"Look I don't know what you're testing but I'm busy. " Just as you moved away from him, he placed his arms beside you, trapping you under him. The both of you have never been this close before. Sure there were times where he had to catch you or hold you for activities in the forest, but there was nothing like this. This was close. This was personal.

"What are you doing," you asked, shock written all over your face.

"Standing here." Mark's lips curled into a smirk as his eyelids dropped once glancing at your lips. "You're pretty."

"Thank you but I really need to-"

"You know," he started,"you never told me what you wanted to talk about before you left the table."

You sighed, making a dramatic pained expression. "Mark, please. Can you back up?"

"No."

You looked up at him, surprised that his face was closer than before. One more move and your lips would've probably touched his. 'Why am I even thinking about that right now,' you thought to yourself.

"I know you wanna kiss me," he said almost in a whisper. Mark chuckled softly seeing the frazzled look on your face. You were so easy to read, always saying you didn't like him knowing damn well you wanted him. He just wanted to make you say it. He wanted to break your prideful attitude down and make you beg for him.

"You are saying insane things right now." You couldn't even look him in the eye, too afraid you would melt under his body. He was too close. You couldn't control your heart beat or your whirling mind. 'Maybe kissing him wouldn't be so bad,' you thought to yourself, but pushed the thought to the back of your head.

"But you didn't say I was wrong," he said, leaning into your neck.

"Mark, seriously." The slight whine in your voice made you want to run and hide from everyone. You felt like you were going to collapse into his hands the closer he got. His voice was so soft, but his presence was still so dominating. It was almost too much for you to bear.

"What would you do if I kissed you right now," he whispered in your ear, a smile on his face. "Would you push me away, take it and get mad, or maybe give me another one?"

You could barely look at him, let alone speak. You had no idea how to respond to him. You didn't even know if you were supposed to. But what you did know is that if he made one more move or said anything else, you would most likely lose your mind. "Mark, it's too early in the morning for this," you said practically begging him to stop.

Mark released his hand from the counter, placing it on your waist. His grip was firm as he pressed you against the counter more, body so close his leg was between yours. "You're not even trying to run at this point. You little liar."

"Mark..what if someone comes in here?"

"Let them. Why do you care? Are you scared," he teased. Mark kissed the spot behind your ear softly, making you gasp. Your body tensed up in his hand, causing him to rub small circles in your waist in an attempt to comfort you. He kept missing down your neck, moving back up to kiss your jawline.

You stood there, still as a tree. Your eyes fluttered shut, taking in the feeling of his lips on your skin. At this rate there was no point in fighting it. He had already won like he did with everyone else. You felt Mark's hand leave your waist, grabbing your chin as he ran his finger down your bottom lip.

"If you want me to stop I will."

You shook your head unconsciously, brows slightly frowning at his words. You were desperate and he definitely knew from the way you were frozen and speechless.

"Good girl." Mark kissed you softly, but deeply. His hand slowly made its way to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. You dare to touch him, feeling like it was way too intimate. But before you could even pull away, he kissed you again, this time with even more sincerity. You didn't know why you had such a heavy feeling in your chest, but it did scare you a little bit.

"We have to finish all of this stuff in 15 minutes. You think we can make it," he asked on your lips.

"If you stop fast enough, maybe.."

Mark chuckled softly at your response, pulling away from you. He was clearly extremely turned on, but you were not the kind to help him with his problem, and he knew that. But that didn't stop his mind from drifting, thinking about how hot it would be if you dropped to your knees at this very moment.

"Wasn't that fun Y/N?"

"What are you talking about," you said, covering your face in embarrassment.

"Unwinding instead of having a stick up your ass," he jabbed.

You dropped your hands, scoffing at him. You shoved your way out of his arms, walking to the sink he was at previously. "Gosh, you're so annoying," you mumbled as you scrubbed the dirty plates.

"Yeah but you like it though."

"You wish."

"Proved my point."

You and Mark haven't spoken since the kitchen fiasco. You said a couple of words to each other when it came to the kids, but nothing more than that. You couldn't even look at him, the shame filling your body once he came into your vision. But one thing was for sure- you definitely didn't hate him as much. You were still very confused. You didn't understand where all those feelings came from for Mark in the kitchen. Maybe your subconscious? It didn't really matter, you just wanted to make sense of everything.

"Okay everyone, tonight is movie night so we need to leave a little early okay," you announced.

Mark leaned on a tree silently watching you as you interacted with the kids. You didn't know that he had conflicting feelings as well. All the teasing and messing around turning into sexual tension was not what he hoped for. He just wanted to mess with you. He wasn't actually going to kiss you for real, but when he saw the desperate scrunch of your eyebrows, how could he resist himself? If it weren't for the kids, he would definitely have his way with you right on the ground, but nothing in his life ever works right.

Mark admired the way you were with them, always so nice and careful. You were careful with anything really, never wanting to come off as irresponsible or rude. But he never cared about any of that. He didn't care if people thought he was a prick or an ass, which is why you were so intriguing to him. He never got a chance to actually introduce himself to you before you can dislike him as easily as you did.

After 20 minutes of walking back to the main site, the sun had finally set and all the kids and counselors went back to their respective cabins before going to the lake for movie night.

"So you're telling me," Somi started,"after all these months of not liking him, he came onto you in the kitchen and you didn't refuse?"

"I know, I know it's humiliating," you grumbled putting on your shirt.

"Enemies to lovers. My favorite trope."

You let out a loud embarrassed groan listen to her words. "We only kissed twice. We didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the day," you added.

"Not even for your group," she questioned.

"Well of course we did, but very little. He was..so distant," you said. You slipped into your jean shorts and put your shoes back on quickly. "I'm gonna go make sure all the girls are ready." You got up and walked outside to see everyone playing around. Just as you were about to round up your cabin, you see Mark who's talking to some of his kids. You wanted to stop staring at him, but you couldn't. You gulped as he glanced at you, giving you a small wave. "I hate him," you muttered to yourself almost as if you were trying to convince yourself it was true.

You shake your head, attempting to push what happened out of the forefront of your mind, but it's hard to do that when he's walking up to you. You turn away from his direction, hastily gathering the girls from your cabin. Just as you were about to make your way to the lake, you were tapped on the shoulder. Turning around agonizingly slowly, you face him with a fake smile.

"Hi," you said awkwardly.

"Hey, so listen-"

"I can't talk right now, we're about to head to the lake," you interrupted.

"I know but-"

"Can't talk."

Mark sighed, looking down at his shoes. He knew you were difficult, but not like this. "Can we talk after the movie?"

"Talk..about what? There's nothing to talk about," you say dismissively.

Mark rolled his eyes, walking away from you. You looked behind yourself, watching him walk back with his hands in his pockets. All that you could hope for was him forgetting whatever conversation he wanted to have with you.

Your cabin was the first to get to the lake while Mark's was the last like always. The movie started at 7, so thankfully for you, you could be left alone for 2 hours. You leaned against a tree as you watched the movie projected on the sheet quietly.

Unlike you, Mark was watching you silently, eyes never leaving your body as you stared at the screen. He knew you wanted nothing to do with him even after he kissed you, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He's never been in a situation like this before. Having to chase after you was starting to dampen his pride, but he liked it.

He watched as you whispered to Somi about something, not able to read your lips. Maybe he shouldn't have thought to follow you as you walked away from everyone, but getting to be alone with you came rare, so he had to take his chances.

"Hey, I'm gonna go back to the cabin. I forgot something," he whispered to Haechan.

"Okay, be quick though. I don't wanna be responsible for you," he replied.

Mark gave him a dry laugh and walked away, following you from behind. Mark picked up that you were going to your cabin after a few turns on the trail. The sun was starting to set, so he began to rationalize he weird actions to himself. "It's not weird that I'm following her," he muttered to himself quietly. "I'm just keeping her safe." It was surprising how you didn't notice anyone was following you. You were usually always attentive, but it seems that you were only that way with other people.

Soon enough, the both of you made it to your cabin. You went inside with a big sigh, letting the door slam behind you. Mark would be a kind person and knock on the doors but he wasn't all that kind, so scaring you is the option he went with. Mark quickly went up to the door, opening it quietly. Your back was turned as you rummaged through a bag for something, causing you to not hear his footsteps or the door creaking open.

"Boo!"

"Fuck," yelled, body jumping violently as you turned around. "Mark?"

"Surprise."

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his jazz hands motion. "You're not funny. Now get out, this is a girls cabin."

"I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to talk." He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms as you went back to looking for whatever you were looking for.

"I really don't care, just leave," you said sternly.

Mark had enough of beating around the bush with you, the constant teasing, and asking dumb questions. He had to know why there was bad blood between you, especially after you let him kiss you that morning. "Why don't you like me?"

"You're kidding." You let out a dry laugh as you turned to face him. "I don't like you? I'm pretty sure it's the other way around."

"I'm just curious because since last year, you never gave me a chance, so I really want to know," he said, lifting his brows with a small smile.

"I want you to tell me why you don't like me first, then maybe I'll consider explaining myself to you."

Mark took small steps towards you, not being able to control the smirk on his face when you furrow your brows in confusion. "You're uptight and rude to me. And you never give me your attention unless it's to be rude with me, and I hate that that's the only way I get to talk to you. You only want to speak to me if it's to tell me how bad of a job I'm doing or how frustrating it is to be around me or work with me."

"That's not true, I-"

"I'm not done." You closed your mouth, intimidated by how commanding his voice was. "Then you go around and say to everyone how much you hate me. I know you complain to Somi and all the other counselors, and that's fine. But next time I would like to hear it from you directly."

"That I hate you?" You gave him a weird look, making him chuckle softly.

"Yes. Tell me that you hate me." He was walking closer to you slowly, arms now at his sides as he looked down at you with hungry eyes. Your arms were still crossed as you stood there, not allowing yourself to show how intimidating he was to you. Your face was calm, but your heart was beating faster with every step he took.

"I'm not telling you I hate you. Can I talk now," you asked.

"Go for it."

"You're fucking annoying and not helpful. You came into this camp last year and made all these friends and everyone liked you instantly. Everyone says you're funny and such a great guy but I have yet to see it. All you've done since you've been here was piss me off."

"You wanna know why," he said. He leaned down to your ear, a smile tugging at his lips. "Because you're pretty when you're angry."

"That's not funny," you said, looking away from him.

"I wasn't joking." Mark moved away from you, eyes going straight to your lips.

"Seriously mark, I don't care that you like to get me riled up, but yesterday was uncalled for. Do you have any idea…will you stop staring at me like that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Mark could barely concentrate on what you were saying. Your expression, the way you spoke, how close the 2 of you were. All he wanted was to just kiss you and shut you up for the night. Mark could barely keep his hands off you, every bit of self restraint coursing through his veins.

You sighed trying to back up from him, but all you did was bump the edge of your bed making you fall back. You plopped on the thin mattress placing your hand behind you to stay balanced on the bed. Mark's gaze turned dangerous, staring at you as if you were prey.

"God you're so hot," he mumbled.

"Mark," you said, his name coming out a bit breathlessly.

Before you could finish your sentence, he pinned your body to the bed. You were dead silent as you watched his eyes move rapidly along your face and body. "Mark..we can't. We have to be back soon."

"Stop fighting it. Just say you want me," he mumbled quietly. He leaned into your neck, breath tickling your skin as you closed your eyes.

You shook your head, brows furrowing as you tried to push the feeling to the back of your head. But the only thing you can think about is how his hands are leaving your wrists as he moves them down your body. Your breath hitched when his fingertips brushed against the slightly exposed skin of your stomach. You didn't stop him as he lifted your shirt, hands attaching to waist firmly.

The both of you stayed silent, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of breathing and your old bed creaking at every movement he made. You watched him as he moved his hands lower, fingers resting on the button of your jean shorts. Mark looked at you for any signs of you wanting to stop, but all he saw was the desperation on your face.

You gulped watching him unbutton and unzip your shorts, lifting your hips as he tugged them off you. Mark took his shirt off, laying it next to your shorts. He hooked his fingers on your underwear, pulling them off you quickly. You let out a small yelp when he tugs you towards him, throwing your leg over his shoulder as he moves between your legs.

'Just get on with it,' was all you could think. You were way too eager to get him between your legs, and at this point, nothing was going to stop it. "Hurry up," you said, breaking the long silence.

Mark didn't say anything or look at you, all he did was smile as his face disappeared between your legs. A small gasp of please leaves your lips as he kitten licks your core. You close your eyes, letting your head fall back onto the mattress taking in every movement. He ran his hand up and down your leg, nails lightly scratching your skin making you shiver. Needing more friction, you begin to grind yourself on his tongue slowly, but he stops you with a hold on your hips.

"We're gonna do this nice and slow okay," he said.

"We can't, we have to get back soon."

"They'll be okay. There's more than enough people out there." Before you could say anything his mouth was back on your core, tongue pressing against your sensitive bud hard. Without thinking your hands made their way to his hair, fingers running through the blonde locks. Mark kept licking at you agonizingly slow, chuckling when you whined for more. He would speed up at moments, flicking his tongue against your clit faster just to tease you, then stop.

"Please," you begged breathlessly, "it feels like I'm being punished."

"I know," he mumbled.

You smacked him on the side of his head softly, making the male look up at you with a brow raised. "I fucking hate you."

Mark chuckled, removing one of his hands from your hip. He didn't take his eyes off of you as he slid two fingers into you, pumping them slowly. Mark watched as you basically fell apart in his hands, moans never stopped spilling from your lips. He began licking your clit, but faster, almost sending you over the edge.

"Shit, don't stop," you whined softly. You couldn't control your hips as you grinded against his fingers and tongue. Your jaw dropped when he fingered you faster. Gripping his hair, your hips moved on their own as you grinded faster. You were so close, your core pulsing on his fingers. "Fuck I'm gonna cum," you whined.

Your whines became louder, the pornographic sounds of your moaning, bed creaking, and sounds coming from Mark filling the empty cabin. This is one the many times you thanked God no one was around. Your eyes rolled back and body shuddered as your orgasm hit you like a truck making you mumble curses that not even Mark could make out. You let go of his hair, plopping back down on your mattress breathing heavily.

"I'm assuming that was the first time you came in a month?" Mark slid his fingers out of you slowly, wiping the digits on your sheets. He moved your leg off his shoulder, lifting himself from between your legs.

"Do you think I'm getting myself off after hiking and being around kids in this damn camp everyday," you asked, rolling your eyes at his statement.

"No. I think you're too uptight to do that," he said with a soft chuckle.

"It's crazy that you're still calling me uptight like I won't get up and leave."

Mark didn't respond to you, laughing softly to himself knowing you wouldn't move either way. He moved off the bed untying his sweats. You watched him as he let his clothes fall to the ground, eyeing his body. Not that you couldn't get it before, but now you see why he was a big deal to the other female counselors.

"Aren't we gonna use protection," you asked, gulping when he was back in front of you.

"I don't have any," he mumbled.

"You're so fucking ridiculous," you grumbled. "You're lucky I'm on birth control."

Mark could barely hear you with how eager he was to see you lose yourself for him. No amount of mean words or insults could turn him off in the moment, every word you spoke sounded like exactly what he needed to hear. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad." His lids dropped as he grabbed your ankles, pulling you closer to him.

"Don't tease, we don't have all night," you whined.

Mark couldn't take his eyes off you as he lined himself with you, slowly entering you with ease. You looked pretty under the light of the setting sun peering through the window. The light hit your eyes perfectly as they rolled back, soft moans leaving your lips at the same time. Mark thrusted into you slowly holding your waist firmly. He wanted to savor the moment, finally able to get you under him, because even though he had you now, he might not ever get you again. It was taking everything in him to not ram into you after every move not wanting it to end too quickly.

With the way he was looking at you you thought he was gonna eat you alive. And in all honesty you would let him. It was conflicting to you that all this pent up aggression towards him exploded into sex, but you were clearly not that conflicted. You would never tell him, but you had always been attracted to him and the kiss was just the tip of the iceberg.

He slid his hands up the back of your legs, pinning them to your chest as he thrusted into you faster. Your moans echoed in the empty cabin, not even thinking about if anyone could be near. "Feels so good," you moaned.

"Who's making you feel good?"

"Fuck..you are," you whined, eyes fluttering shut as you take in pleasure.

"Good girl," he cooed. Mark watched as you slipped your hand between your legs, rubbing your clit at the same place as his thrust. His fingers were constantly kneading your legs, leaving prints in your skin. "You're close aren't you baby?"

You nodded fast, looking at him with desperate eyes. "Kiss me.. please."

Mark didn't have to think twice. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a heated kiss quite literally sticking his tongue down your throat. You sucked on the wet muscle, moaning loudly on his tongue every time he thrusted into you.

"Mark..fuck," you moaned softly. Mark took a hand off your leg, wrapping an arm on the small of your back pulling you closer to him. You kissed him again, moans and whimpers poured into his mouth.

Mark moaned softly against your lips as you squeezed around him, cumming on his length. You pulled away, your lewd sounds becoming louder as he didn't stop fucking you. Mark leaned down, kissing your neck messily as you clung onto his shoulder. Mark has never had this kind of passionate feeling with a person before. It was starting to feel like more than just a sexual attraction to him, maybe he did actually have feelings for you.

"Cum in me," you said cupping his face.

Mark looked at you, brows furrowing in uncertainty. "A-are you sure? I-"

"Please baby just cum for me," you mumbled, completely taken over by the pleasure spreading in your body. "Can you do that for me?"

"Anything for you," Mark breathed out. Your words went straight to his length, his pace speeding up as he felt himself closer to cumming.

Your jaw went slack, eyes rolling back as you felt another orgasm creeping up on you. "Y-you're gonna make me cum," you whimpered.

With just a few more thrust, both you and Mark came at the same time, loud moans and groans filling the space. Mark's body went limp, laying on top of you with his face buried on the side of your neck. No one said anything for a minute, just laid there in each other's embrace trying to catch your breaths.

"I guess you don't hate me after all," Mark joked, breaking the silence.

"Only a little less."

Mark snickered as pulled himself out of you slowly. "Let's get you something to clean up with." He got up and pulled his boxers and pants on. You were sure it was because you just had sex with him, but the way you looked at him was different now. Before you were completely annoyed by his presence, but now even the little faces he made were endearing. Of course, Mark would never stop being an infuriating person to talk to but maybe you like talking to him. Maybe you liked being around him this whole time.

"If you want to go for round 2 just say it." Mark walked back to you with tissues, handing them to you with a smile. He chuckled softly when you gave him a frown for his comment. "Back to hating me I guess."

"I don't hate you Mark," you admit. The words felt unnatural to you, but they were the truth. You don't hate him, and you don't think you ever did.

"I'd like it if you did though," he said, sitting on the edge of your bed. "If what we just did considered hate fucking, please hate me more."

You rolled your eyes, tossing the dirty tissues in the trash bin across the room. "Who said it was gonna happen again?" Mark watched you closely as you shimmied back into your underwear and shorts. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"Yeah." He stood up, pulling you to him, making you gasp softly. Mark kissed you deeply, smiling against your lips when you kissed him back. "We should get back. I think we've been gone too long," he mumbled.

You nodded, kissing him one more time before he pulled away from you agonizingly slow. "Please don't be weird when we get back. I don't want to have to hate you again," you joked.

"Didn't I just tell you I want you to hate me more?"

"What do you mean you fucked him last night," Somi whisper yelled.

"Yeah..I did..right on the bed you're sitting on."

"Ew ew ew." She shot up from your bed with a frown on her face, making you laugh loudly. "Seriously what is wrong with you, why didn't you say that before I sat down?"

"Thought your reaction would be funny, and it was," you'd aid giggling.

Somi looked at you with disgust on her face, dusting off her body. "Anyways…are you guys like..a thing now?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," you answered.

"Well do you wanna be a thing?"

"Well..I think I do," you admitted. "But I don't know him that well, you know. All I did was have sex with him. What if he doesn't want anything," you said.

"You want me to be honest?"

"Please do."

"I think you should go talk to him. Like right now," she suggested.

"Now? I don't even know if he's in his cabin," you stated.

"Just go. If he's not there, go back another time. You should talk to him while your feelings are still fresh," she suggested.

Somi was right. Even though you thought it was still a bit early to talk to him, you couldn't stop thinking about him all day and all night. Throughout the day, the both of you kept stealing glances, staring at each other but not saying a word. It's been hard trying to keep your bubbling feelings for him at bay, especially when you're working so close for the summer. But Somi was right, it wouldn't hurt to try.

You nodded, sighing softly. "You're right. I should go." You turned walking to the door, but when you opened it, Mark was standing there, hand up like he was about to knock.

"Oh," you said, surprised. "Hi."

"Hey," he said, looking everywhere but at you. "Can I, um, talk to you?"

"Uh, yeah. You wanna talk here or.."

"Just walk with me. Please?" You've never seen him so nervous or unsure before. It was kind of cute. You agreed, leaving the cabin and walking along the trail with Mark.

The first couple of minutes were silent. Neither one of you said anything. The only thing that could be heard were the sounds of your feet on the dirt trial and the laughter of children from afar. But it wasn't an awkward kind of silence. It felt comfortable, he felt comfortable and warm.

"I really like you Y/N," he started. "And I know it might be weird for you, but I just felt like you had to hear it."

His words went straight to your heart, making it beat faster with every syllable. You blinked fast, not really knowing how to respond. You were afraid of coming into him too strongly, saying something that would scare him away, but you had to say something.

"I..like you too," you confessed. Your face was beginning to heat up, palms becoming clammy from the nervousness. You haven't been like this since middle school, all shy and nervous.

"So..where should we go from here?" Mark raised a brow and looked at you. You glanced at him quick enough to not want to run away from the situation all together. He grabbed your hand, making you pause mid step. Your heart was beating so fast you could hear it at this point, and you were sure he could too.

"I, uh, I don't know," you stuttered.

Mark chuckled, clasping his fingers with yours. "I've never seen you so nervous."

"I'm not nervous." You don't know who exactly you were trying to prove that too, but it definitely wasn't him because as soon as you spoke he laughed.

"I think we should start over this summer," he said. "I think we should meet each other for the first time again."

You looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he started, turning to you. He stopped walking and tugged your hand to look at him. "I mean we should start again from a clean slate. I want to get to know you better on a good note, but only if you're willing."

You gulped looking down at your feet. You must've looked like a kid with the way mark was smiling down at you. "I..I would like that. I'd like that a lot actually." You looked at him, expression going from shy to worriedm. "I'm sorry for y'know being rude and everything."

Mark didn't say anything, allowing your words to linger for a moment before he leaned down and kissed you. The kiss was softer this time, more innocent. Mark pulled away with a small smile on his face. "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. I know I've been an ass, and I'm willing to make up for it."

It was hard to keep a smile off your face and stop yourself from blushing like a kid. "If we do this, will you stop talking to me once we're out of here," you asked.

"Y/N when I said I liked you I was serious. I don't want this to be a summer fling. I actually want to get to know you before I date you," he explained.

Your eyes went wide, completely flustered from his statement. "You want to date me?" Your heart fluttered repeating his words almost immediately, getting butterflies in your stomach. "But I've been so terrible to you and-"

"So? We like each other and we should explore that this summer."

You nodded, a smile tugging at your lips. You let go of his hand and placed it on the back of his neck, kissing him. This was the first time you kissed him. And it felt good. It felt good knowing that you didn't have to keep trying to convince yourself you didn't like him, or that you were never attracted to him. You pulled away, eyes never leaving the man in front of you. You didn't know if this conversation would make a difference for the rest of the day or the rest of the summers, but if Mark was true to a hate he said, you could wait.

But if not, then maybe you just might hate him for real.

[gyusimp]

°• 🍡 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚜 🍡 •° [Dom Mitsuri Kanroji x Fem reader]

Ok, I know this post is a bit different so let me explain. I have a friend who's sickly in love with Mitsuri, so she literally paid me to write a fic for her hahaha. I had never written femxfem before, doing this took me out of my comfort zone and even helped me unblock myself! It was a new experience and at the same time fun, I was satisfied with the result so I wanted to post it here in case anyone is interested lmao otherwise just ignore it. I'll post it on AO3 later too.

°•Read Part 02 here!

🍡WARNINGS: NSFW | Fem character x fem reader | Smut | Modern AU | Both of them are adults | Minors DON'T interact.

You were outside her door, in the hallway of her apartment after ringing the bell. Mitsuri would not take long to leave and so it was. After about 10 seconds she appeared on the other side of the door with a big smile on her face as she invited you in.

You had a math test in 1 week at university, you weren't exactly good at math so your friend immediately offered to give you some lessons, practice some topics and help you pass the test with the highest possible score.

"Welcome back, y/n-chan!" She greeted you, excited.

You took off your shoes and left them at the entrance and then headed to Mitsuri's room, the sound of your bare feet and hers walking on the floor accompanied their voices down the hall until she entered her room. The study desk was clean and tidy ready to work so you put your small backpack on the floor next to the bed and sat on one of the chairs that Mitsuri had brought.

"Thank you so much Mitsuri, you have no idea how much this will help me, you are amazing." You thanked her, for the thousandth time since she offered you her help.

"It's nothing y/n-chan! Anything for my friend" she said with flushed cheeks, moving one of her hands while holding her face embarrassedly with the other. "How about we start now?" One took a seat next to the other, you took out some graph paper, your pencil case and your math book. You told Mitsuri what you had to study and which ones were difficult for you, she was not only very good at math but she was also very sweet and patient with you so that gave you enough confidence to ask all the questions you wanted.

She was as sweet as a kindergarten teacher, she even congratulated you when the answer in the exercises you did was correct. It had already been 1 hour and a half since the study session began so the best thing was a short break to clear your mind and prevent you from falling asleep.

"You're doing great! How about a 20 minute break?"

"Cool, I didn't want to fall asleep." You joked, laughing with Mitsuri.

"I'll go get a glass of water, do you want water too?" She asked.

"OK thanks."

Mitsuri stood up and stretched raising her arms, you looked for no reason in her direction without thinking and watched just as she adjusted her skirt after standing up making your chest jump. Mitsuri always wore tight or short clothes, and this skirt was very short so you could see the beginning of her butt as she started to walk towards the door. When she left the room you tried to erase that image from your head and think about something else, maybe read your notes again and thus distract yourself quickly but all that came to mind was the scene when she opened the door of her apartment and the first thing you saw after her face was her tight bust under the little t-shirt she was wearing and that prominent v-neckline showing a big part of the beginning of her boobs. Was it starting to get hot? You decided to take off the cardigan you were wearing and freshen up, luckily you were wearing shorts and a tank top.

After a few seconds, the pink-haired girl entered the room with 2 glasses of water in her hands, the water was so cold that small drops slipped down the glass.

"Thanks girl, this was what I needed." You said, hoping that drinking something cool would stop your pulse racing.

ೃ࿐♡ೃ࿐♡ೃ࿐♡ೃ࿐♡ೃ࿐♡ೃ࿐♡

About 25 minutes of class passed after having had that little break time, you were starting to get bored and despite putting all your effort into paying attention you couldn't solve this exercise. The problems were the most difficult and Mitsuri noticed your frustrated expression trying to solve it.

"Do you have any question?" She asked attentively.

"I can't understand this part, do the exponents have to be multiplied here too? Agh! I feel so stupid..."

"You're not stupid y/n-chan! You've already managed to solve other exercises, you're very smart!"

You looked at the clock on the screen of your cell phone, there was still time to complete the agreed 2 hours of study so you sighed tired when you thought about it.

"So far you've done really well, so I think we can take another break." Mitsuri said, trying to cheer you up.

"Ok, I hope that helps." You got up from the chair and stretched again as did Mitsuri. She got up from the chair and walked to her bed to get on and crawl on the mattress towards the pillows, you looked behind you and realized two things that made you feel too nervous again. She sat cross-legged but her skirt was very short so inevitably you could see her panties and because of the position of her legs you could have seen more but you decided to place your eyes elsewhere.

"Even I feel a bit tired" Mitsuri said.

"What are you talking about? I'm the one who's been burning out her one neuron." You teased, both of you laughing in unison.

"I mean, I've never spent so much time sitting in those chairs, I usually use my bed as a study area so now my back is tingling haha."

"Me too!" You said, sitting on the bed next to her.

Mitsuri sighed and ran one of her hands over her shoulder and back. "Do you mind?" She asked. You didn't have time to react when she reached under her clothes to unhook her bra and remove it, throwing it elsewhere.

"N-not at all, don't worry." You and Mitsuri were quite confident so she was used to doing things like this in front of you without knowing that you were trying hard to hide your nerves.

"These things can be really uncomfortable sometimes, especially when, well...you know." She said, pouting as she massaged her breasts. Why had she done that? Now you felt bad for not being able to stop seeing her. Her little shirt was so tight to her body that it hugged her breasts perfectly, making her nipples stand out from under the fabric. Her breasts were large and the way they bounced under her clothes when she took off her bra kept replaying inside your head. "Sure you're not hot? I can turn on the fan if you want."

"Oh thank you. I'd like that very much."

You stayed sitting on the bed hugging your knees while Mitsuri stood up to go turn on the fan. When you felt the cool breeze hit your skin, you couldn't help but close your eyes and lie down on the pillows while leaving your legs bent. You felt a movement on the mattress so you assumed that Mitsuri had returned to the bed but then she didn't move again and remained silent so you wonder if she was still there or had left the room so you opened your eyes to find out. When you opened your eyes, you caught Mitsuri looking directly at your thighs and between your legs, with your knees bent that way she could easily see your panties under your shorts. This definitely made you too nervous, you were about to sit down and close your legs but another thought came to your head faster. She was also watching you like you were a while ago so that got you a bit horny.

Your face was very red just like Mitsuri's when she felt trapped by you but despite that she didn't try to hide what she was doing or at least try to look a little shy so that only made you keep moving forward.

"All in order?" You asked, spreading your legs with the excuse that your knees were blocking the view of her face in front of you.

At this point it was quite likely that you didn't care anymore and both of you would completely lose your shame.

"What are you talking about?" Mitsuri asked, starting to crawl towards you on the mattress.

"You didn't stop looking at me, it's unfair if I have my eyes closed." You answer.

Sometimes you two used to joke around in similar ways but now, things were getting a bit further, you both subconsciously expected one of you to stop but you kept going. You kept your legs open and Mitsuri lay on your abdomen between them, causing your core to rub dangerously against her and feeling her breasts lean against you.

"Of course that's fair, you were looking at me too so now we're even." She said, making you blush.

Both of you fell silent, Mitsuri staring at you while you tried to look anywhere but her face and that included the low neckline of her t-shirt in front of you. Mitsuri moved in place, at first you thought that she was settling into her place or she would just get up and the class would continue but everything changed when you realized that she started rubbing on you provocatively. Mitsuri settled her legs on the bed keeping one straight and the other bent to rub her own core against her panties and the mattress making her large breasts massage over you. The position of her legs made her little skirt mess up, leaving her butt exposed, showing you her tight little lace panties.

You didn't say anything, you just gasped and spread your legs more so that she could fit better in the middle of you. She smiled at you with desire so that she felt more confident to move as she wanted. Mitsuri placed her arms on each side of you to hold on better and continue rubbing on the mattress and on top of you, she even had the courage to start panting a little just to annoy you and increase your blush. Mitsuri wouldn't stop looking at you and see  doing this kind of thing made you feel too nervous and even more when she was so close to you; but you'd be lying if you thought this moment was weird or awkward, each passing minute turning you on more and more and just waiting for one thing to lead to the next. You wondered if at some point she was going to touch you.

"This feels s-so good..." Mitsuri gasped. She settled between your legs and lowered one of her hands to her panties to take them and rub them better against her wet core. "You've never tried this before y/n-chan?...it feels really good."

"N-no..." you managed to reply, feeling her breasts on you turned you on more and more besides the sight in front of you.

"Really? Never before?...self-satisfaction is just as important as self-love, girl." She told you.

You didn't know what to answer, Mitsuri settled back and took her hand out from between her legs. She held on to the mattress again and it was after that when she groped her hand directly between your legs inside your shorts, over your dressed cunt making you arch your back in surprise. You were about to say something but you didn't even have time because she started rubbing her fingers against your panties causing a lot of friction with each brush of the fabric.

"A-AAH!" You moaned, surprised to feel her fingers in your panties.

Hearing your voice like that made Mitsuri turn on more, causing her to start moving her fingers faster as well as her hips against the bed. With every movement, she could feel her wet panties brushing over and over again in the middle of her slit, right on her slippery clit. The feeling was perfect so she wanted you to experience it too.

"Y/n-chan...I want to make you feel really good, aah-ah." she moaned.

Mitsuri took her hand out of your panties for just an instant, grabbing your shorts and pulling them down over your hips and butt until she took them off and tossed them around, exposing your black lace panties fitting your pussy on her face.

The pink-haired girl's fingers took the center of your panties and she began to rub the fabric making sure that each touch was right on your clit just like she did until little by little you were wetting the fabric of your underwear; you even started to move your hips to get a better feel. Mitsuri noticed that you began to get wet very quickly and slowly began to moan in need.

"D-doesn't that feel amazing?" Mitsuri asked. "The rub on the clit is perfect-aah! I'm so-so wet! And you too...mmhh."

You were both about to cum if she continued like this, but Mitsuri didn't want this to happen, at least not yet. She wanted to try more things and at the same time make sure that you enjoyed it as much as she did. Mitsuri stopped and got up, tooked off her skirt and sat up to crawl over to you.

"Don't you think it would be better to feel…closer?" She proposed to you, biting her pink lip. She traced a line with her finger all over your slit, feeling your wet labia. "We are both very wet." You stayed in the same position and Mitsuri imitated it in front of you, legs spread and leaning on her arms on the bed. "I'd like to feel you…here" she said, spreading her legs and making her panties shift to let her cunt peek out from under the fabric.

"Then do it..." you replied.

Hearing that made her heart jump with happiness. Mitsuri came up to you and took your panties off, then she got rid of her panties as well and left them lying around. She took your thighs squeezing them sensually to accommodate your legs around her waist and make you hook her between your legs. She did the same and that's when you realized how flexible Mitsuri was when she spread your legs and hers and hooked you in the same way against the bed, letting her breasts crash against yours almost on your face. When he was in the position she wanted, she dropped putting some pressure on you and sat down so that her pussy was exactly on yours, making you moan when you felt his wet labia. Mitsuri leaned over and settled on your hips, holding onto her arms on either side of you and beginning to move her hips, slow movements in circles and back and forth. The contact between your most sensitive points was direct, the position of the open legs of both and each of the movements made your lips move and your cunts open to collide and slide against each other.

Wet sounds began to accompany your and her moans throughout the room, you moved your hips against Mitsuri's to cause more friction. Both cunts wet rubbing each other, your clit massaging against Mitsuri's was the most perfect sensation you've ever felt in your life. You looked up or squeezed your eyes but when you looked ahead and saw Mitsuri's neckline you completely sank in pleasure and didn't take your eyes off her. Her tits moved and bounced on you with each of her thrusts, her hard nipples standing out under her tight t-shirt. Mitsuri's movements began to get faster and faster, crashing and bouncing off of you, she began to grind her vagina against yours increasing the odds of bringing both of you an amazing orgasm. You realized something, Mitsuri's t-shirt was too small and her bust was too big, her boobs began to bounce more and more forcefully from her cleavage and seeing that made you crazy and she didn't seem to care at all; she just kept moving on you, getting wet on your vagina until the position she was in and her strong thrusts caused one of her breasts to come completely out of her clothes bouncing on you and then her other tit did the same. You didn't take your eyes off her, her pink nipples were rubbing on your chest so you decided to take them to massage them with your hands and make her as aroused as you were.

"Y-your boobs are so big-aah! I love them."

"You're also...a-aah- you're beautiful y/n-chan! Your little wet cunt is so cute ah-mnnh!" Mitsuri moved away from you a bit and took off her shirt, making her breasts bounce even more when she took it off. You didn't stop seeing her for a second, moving more.

When she returned to the position she was in, you put both hands directly on her butt to massage it and put some downward pressure so that your cunt was closer to hers, you squeezed and touched her ass making her moan for a long time until that you felt the need for more. Your left hand slid between her buttocks until it reached her wet pussy and your right hand began to play with your own pussy or the part that Mitsuri's couldn't cover, wetting the fingers of both hands, pumping your own hole and feeling this made Mitsuri squirm on top of you, leaning her head back moaning with all her might and moving faster on top of you. Your juices and hers splashed between her slippery cunt and your legs spread wider to rub you with each of her folds.

"AA-AH! Yy/n...y/n-chan! Mmghh-aah!! D-you think you're gonna cum already?"

You couldn't even answer because you were about to, you moved your hips hard to feel Mitsuri on your clit while you tightened around your fingers, you squeezed Mitsuri's ass again making her moan as you did when a warm sensation it went down from your abdomen straight into your pelvis.

"AAH-AAH MITSURI!! I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum! AAH!!"

Your legs spread wide, your back arched and a sticky white discharge shot straight out of your vagina drenching Mitsuri, causing her to do the same and cum in your pussy. Both wetting each other while she was still bouncing her pussy against yours in reaction to the orgasm until her speed slowed down.

Her thighs and yours were wet and sticky, you saw Mitsuri's breasts and as they glistened with sweat, sweat dripped from the back of your knees to your feet and your legs trembled as did your breath. Mitsuri lay down next to you and let both of you stretch out your legs after staying in that position for so long. Before she fully pulled away from you, you could see thin white threads coming from her cunt joining yours, leaving you wet and feeling slippery between your legs. Mitsuri's chest rose and fell with her heavy breathing, even though neither of you spoke it wasn't an awkward moment at all. You two looked into each other's eyes and different parts of your body at the same time. You didn't know what time it was, you even completely forgot the reason you were here, you saw the desk and looked at all your study material and then you saw the time on the clock next to the bed on a small table. 6:44 pm It was already getting dark outside and that worried you a bit.

"That was a very interesting lesson." You said, breaking the silence.

"We should repeat it another day, don't you think?" Mitsuri spoke, sensually.

"You think so? Then you won't be able to get me out of here that easily in a study session." You joked.

"You don't have to go today, I know it can be dangerous to go out at night so you can spend the night here..."

"You mean...a second round?" You said, getting up to approach Mitsuri.

"If that's what you want."

"Only if you let me go above you this time..." you replied, straddling her.

[ham1lton]

jude rly does get injured (it’s minor he just needs some pain meds) and the pain meds make him a little dopey and he’s like nurse yn you’re the nicest woman ive ever met :D and physio yn is like im not a nurse but thanks and jude is like you’d make a great mom. i wish you were MY mom 😁 and yn is like ok now we’re all over the place 😐

r/relationshipadvice

title: i (21m) told my physio (f mid 20s) that i wish she was my mum while high on pain meds…. pretty sure i ruined everything. help?!

title is pretty self explanatory.

ok so for some context, i’ve had a huge crush on my physio, let’s call her ny, for months now. i got injured earlier this year during practice and ended up having sessions with her twice a week. she’s smart, funny, gorgeous, the whole package. and she’s great at her job. i’ve been lowkey trying to impress her, like working harder during our sessions, asking about her day, stuff like that. i even told her about my favorite spot to get a coffee and the next week she mentioned she tried it. idk if that means anything but i was buzzing.

fast forward to last week. i had a minor injury during a game and needed some stitches and pain meds. nothing serious thankfully, but i was feeling a bit loopy from the meds when i saw her for my usual session. apparently, i decided it was the perfect time to tell her she was the nicest person i’ve ever met and that she’d make a great mom. and then—brace yourselves—i said i wished she was my mum.

i want the earth to swallow me up whole. she kinda laughed it off, said something like “we’re all over the place today,” but i’m mortified. like, what was i thinking?? i can’t stop replaying it in my head. did i just ruin any chance i might’ve had? i’ve seen her once since then and she was super professional as usual, but i feel like she’s keeping more distance now.

am i overthinking this? how do i recover from this without making it more awkward? pls help.

top comments:

u/fatalcrush: let’s be real here, you’re hyper-fixating because you like her. she’s not thinking about it nearly as much as you are. keep things professional, and maybe stop trying so hard to impress her—it might be coming off as a little much.

OP: you’re 100% right, but it’s like every time i tell myself to chill, i somehow end up booking another session. and it’s not even about impressing her anymore; i just want to be around her. like, last week i convinced myself i had mild shin splints. she checked it out and said i was fine, but she did recommend some stretches, and i was like, “this is the highlight of my week.” i’m so down bad.

u/yesimamom: she probably sees you as a sweet (if slightly misguided) kid who said something goofy while high. but also, as a mom myself, i gotta say, we don’t take these comments lightly. she’s probably thinking about it more than you realize. not in a weird way, just like, “aw, this kid’s got some feelings.���

OP: you think?? she’s so hard to read sometimes. like, last time i came in with “shoulder pain” (which was real that time, i swear), she asked how i was doing outside of physio, like actually cared about my life. i told her everything was fine, but deep down, i was screaming, “everything would be perfect if you were in it more!”

u/deadinside23: dude, i once told my therapist i thought of her as my “emotional support dog.” if i can live with that, you can survive this.

OP: lmao ok, that makes me feel a bit better. i just don’t know how to act normal around her anymore. like, do i start talking about unrelated stuff to make up for the weird comment? or is that even weirder? i already asked her if she likes movies, and she said she’s more of a book person. now i’m pretending to be into books.

u/j0b3: are you serious bro 😭 call me

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Happy Birthday David Dastmalchian 🎂🎉🎁🎈

To celebrate, I'm stealing borrowing from my friend's @polkadotjohnson amazing idea of making a Top 10 Loved/Hottest roles of his, with an honourable mention for both~ Here's 30 of my most adored characters of his with little snippets for each, it's a looooong read, and if anyone else wants to make their own, here's a tierlist I made for this exact purpose 💗💗💗

10.

💘 Love of my Life - Dr Fearless

My cringefail boyfriend, I love every single headcanon I hear about him. He was so damn cute even before I fell in love, and now every time I see him I start giggling and kicking my feet lol 😚 I adore how much fun DD has with him, and honestly I’m gunna dress as a vampire for Halloween this year /)w(\ been like 20+ years but I really really wanna do it!

🔥 Hottest Role - Whistling Marauder (Bird Box)

Mother of mercy. We rewatched the whole movie just for him, so naturally he shows up near the end and then died ;w; but that outfit, holy hell. Oh my god. I’m such a sucker for bad boys and this guy is going around forcing people to stare at this eldrich being that’ll destroy you or drive you mad. And he looks goddamn great while doing it. Gunna attach myself to the chain on his jeans. Okay I’m normal again, what a way to start off the list lmao

❣️ Honourable Mention - Luke (Singled Out)

Douchebag. Shitty brother who’s also great if only to save his own ass. Thief. Pure idiot. Irresistible. I knew the moment I saw the clips on youtube that he would so be my type, and seeing the full pilot only proved that. Dude picked a burger over getting his sister, he would treat me so wrong half the time, but then he’d make me waffles and it’d be all better 😊

9.

💘 Love of my Life - The Writer (Making Love)

This one breaks my heart so much. I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I really want to save him from his. He’s beautiful, he’s talented, his outfit is hot as hell with all the rings and bracelets and necklaces, not to mention the undone shirt buttons, he’s got the emo bangs, he is the complete package for me. The only reason he isn’t higher is because I fell for many others first. I almost never watched this one because my brain was going haywire trying to imagine what kinda scenes I’d find in something with a title like that, and sure enough my face was so red the entire time since I watched with headphones and it starts with him whispering right in my ear, like him asking, ‘Do you love me?’ nearly made me cry, I love him so much. If I could bring specifically him to life I would love the hell outta him until he stopped needing such a painful, self-destructive fake love with the Woman QwQ

❣️ Honourable Mention - Nick (Love is an Elevator)

This one is just a silly little guy /)w(\ right from the start he’s so adorable, I would melt if anything even close to his interaction happened to me, and him just swooning and saying she was beautiful before bailing in tears is so me-coded TwT I would love to go out on a date with him!

🔥 Hottest Role - Abra Kadabra (The Flash)

Abra was so tricky to place because I love him, but as soon as I remembered his buckle outfit from his second episode I knew he had to go under Hot. Like, again, I’m so weak. I love his attitude, I love how he just wants that applause for his showmanship, his ‘powers’ are cool as hell, and DD has the wand in his home now and I think that’s so damn cool 😊 The reveal with him wanting to bring back his alternate timeline family was so sweet I almost cried, and he definitely didn’t deserve to be killed out so instantly right after his redemption. Not even a fan/watcher of the show, but in my head I’m having Flash warn him about it since he’s from the future, so he’s fine now 😌

8.

💘 Love of my Life - James Lewis (Teacher)

James was also incredibly difficult to place because I love him so much ;w; The entire movie I was rooting for him, guy did nothing wrong in the face of what was going on around him, and granted he did take things too far, but… villains are hot 😳 so I won through that entire movie. And he lived! And kept getting to teach! I remember I pointed at the screen when he was putting books away cause that’s my job lol I felt truly close to him in that short moment 😂 Anyway, Arabella didn’t deserve him, like she wasn't into it from the moment they met, every single time he talked she would do this 😬 guy was going through hell and was very clearly in a bad place all around, I can’t fault him for drunkenly saying the wrong thing if it were me, even if it did really hurt me. Gunna give him a new wedding ring to put on when he gets outta prison.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hector (Premature)

He’s so cute!!! I may be weak for villains, but I adore his sweeter roles as well, I’m so glad I got to see him. If I moved to a new city and he was my neighbour I’d know I’d be okay, because honestly he needs to be my roommate like yesterday. A chef who’s afraid to cook because of OCD, I’m sure he’d be able to help me with my own cooking from a safe distance, and I already have some practice as my sibling has OCD and is very strict about how her food is handled, so I’ll have come full circle. I just need to make him more okay with cuddles first…

🔥 Hottest Role - Denham (A Killer of Men)

Denham was another one that was hard to place, because that axe twirls makes me insane, but with what little screentime he gets it all evens out. Another great villain, he’s just senseless violence in a bloody wedding dress and he works it. Love the look, love the vibe, if the world ended and the whole gang was coming at me I’d be honoured if he was the one who got me (I swear I’m not that deranged lmao just thirsty)

7.

💘 Love of my Life - Simon Lynch (Almost Human)

Even now I feel like Simon should be higher, especially since I’ve written my fic about him as well as my deep dive. I’ve said it before but my heart really went out to him, the deep dive says way more than I can fit it here, which probably means he should be higher lol so give that (and maybe the fic too 👉👈😌) a read if you haven’t already, all my love for him went into both.

❣️ Honourable Mention - James Harris (The Employer)

Another adorable character, the bar flashbacks had me blushing every time. We all knew it’d be him, but I’m so glad he pulled through at the end. I want this one to be happy, especially after everything he went through. Absolutely cutiepie, gunna be the one to pay for his dinner after he gets home 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Dwight Pollard (Gotham)

Since I go into all of his roles blind, I had no idea what to expect for this one, but from the start I was hooked. Having him be a crazed cult leader with the biggest, most feral smile and laugh ever stole my heart the things I would let this man do to me sakndskjds I liveblogged his eps to a friend of mine who’s seen Gotham and has been trying to get me to watch it for ages cause I love DC, so she was thrilled as I sat here screaming about everything leading up to his ending :’D I’ve gotten some encouragement to write him, so when I do it’s gunna be so insane I’ll have to tag the hell outta it lmao (btw making these gifs nearly killed me oh my god I need him)

6.

💘 Love of my Life - Joshua Whitmore (Cass)

All the pain I went through trying to get this movie was worth it because it all led to him. I love him, I adore him, I’m so incredibly glad that so many others got to see him and love him too thanks to my trials and tribulations. DD’s only artist role, I got to connect with him on a personal level not shared with the others, and my desire to make sure he’s safe and taken care of is so strong that I wrote 26k about him, they’re two of my most favourite things I’ve ever written. I’ve thrown the ending of the movie out and completely placed it with my own, which can be found in my fics, and until Hugh Schulze DMs me personally and tells me what his vision was, that’s what I’m sticking with forever. So rest easy, he’s free from New York and buyers and dealers and the street and he’s safe and happy and painting again ;w;

❣️ Honourable Mention - Thomas Schiff (The Dark Knight)

The OG, a lot of people’s first roles of his, including mine. I remember seeing this movie in theaters when it came out so that means I saw him up there, on the big screen, and something about him stuck around in my brain until I finally realized my love QwQ Even if he isn’t as fleshed out in my mind to make the actual list, I still needed to include him in some way, I hope he got placed somewhere that wasn't Arkham after Batman stepped in.

🔥 Hottest Role - Cam (Relaxer)

I will never watch Relaxer again. Couldn’t even do it while I was making his scenepack cause so many horrible things happen to Abbie I couldn’t take it. But Cam, oh my god, I need this man. Someday I wanna write this huge fic about the reader trying to date him, and there’s no redemption. He’s still terrible at the end. But that’s what we all love about him, how shitty he is and how the potential is there for him to make us all worse. He sucks, but in the best way, and I kinda need him to maybe bully me please 😳 (making that first gif nearly made me blackout why is he doing pushups)

5.

💘 Love of my Life - Bob Taylor (Prisoners)

When I started adding names to my list of men I loved, Bob wasn't even on it at first I think, despite liking him in the movie. Then I saw more with him and added him to crushes. Now I’m fully in love with him, and he breaks my heart every single day. He was hurting for so long, even when we were watching I couldn’t place the blame on him while the rest of my family were convinced just like Loki that he was the one, but no matter what I couldn’t. The second I saw his sweet smile I told them there was no way it was him, and sure enough I was right. Another character who didn’t deserve what happened to him, I’ve been slowly helping him with my headcanons, but in my personal queue I have a fic planned for him and he will have no more sad days when I do 😭 I also have a bunny plush I’d had for years, my dad bought it for me and it’s been sitting on my bed ever since, and when I’m sad I hold it and pretend Bob gave it to me, it’s honestly got me through some much needed therapy because if he could go about his day with that kind of trauma then I could be brave and call about my own mental health :’)

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lonny Crane (The Belko Experiment)

This one’s a bit of a double whammy, cause I love him, but the switch to violence had me staring 👀 Either way, he didn’t deserve his death, but since it is a killing game type movie he was doomed from the start, at least his seemed instant 🥺 Someday I’ll write a fixit for him too, it was just too much for him back to back to back, he really didn’t deserve his final moments to have him as a villain even though I would really love to be lifted up like that aklskjdskds okay I’m normal again

🔥 Hottest Role - Ray Watkins (The Rookie)

Have you seen this man? No really, have you seen him? The twirl, the shirt lifting on his hips, the cold but also fun villainy, the nonchalance to mask the cruelness underneath. I need him. This one is not a Want, he is a Need and I need him. I hope that he gets to come back in the future to fully wrap up his plot along with the cop’s plot, pleasepleaseplease, otherwise I will die unsatisfied.

4.

💘 Love of my Life - Kurt Goreshter (Ant-Man 1-2)

I believe he might’ve been the second role I’d ever seen, but only after I really got into the MCU after Endgame. I skipped Ant-Man in my original watches, since I was mostly just into the Avengers and Cap (mainly Bucky lol) in general, but when I finally did a full marathon I really enjoyed the first movie. Cannot remember my feelings for him now since it’s been about 4 years, but I do know when I went back to rewatch in March I fell the second I saw him 🥰 the hair, the accent, the outfit AGAIN, and those hand tattoos, this is another Perfect Man. My crush on him is incredibly strong, it told me that yeah I was really starting to fall for DD (at that point I’d just seen Demeter a few times, and then Oppenheimer on accident) and it officially kicked off my marathon that eventually led me to my collection I have today. 

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lester Billings (The Boogeyman)

My family actually watched this without me way before my crush began, so when I saw he was in it I just had to finally sit down and watch it myself. Cue me hurriedly typing to my sibling when he showed up lol this man is SAD! He’s so beautiful and sad, I just wanna make a new family with him (I would be a parent for him, that’s the extent of my love) so he can be happy again. I love the backstory I made up for him way more than the original story, sorry Stephen King but you made him awful and I don’t want that one. I’m gunna save this man and he WILL smile again, that’s a Ray Guarantee.

🔥 Hottest Role - The Vampire (Cora)

Now, to start, this one falls prey to Very Bad Writing Choices. I will not deny that. Like, even with the allegory of the whole thing (that I did not see cause I just saw a short vampire story honestly) it's very much Not Good. But that’s why I’m removing him from the short and keeping him. In fact, go read polkadotjohnson’s fics on him, they’re fantastic and I adore how she wrote him. I someday wish to do my own, because otherwise everyone who can’t look past the Very Bad Writing Choices are getting straight up robbed of this one. Those double fangs need to introduce themselves to my neck pronto, you see what I’m saying? He’s so goddamn hot, DD needs to play a very serious vampire role again so everyone can see the Vision, he wants to do it, I need to win the lottery so I can fund this movie myself, that’s my new life’s goal.

3.

💘 Love of my Life - Jack Delroy (Late Night With the Devil)

The first movie I saw in theaters after my crush began! My friend saw him in a tweet about it and linked me to it so I thought it was already out, but I ended up having to wait two weeks and it nearly killed me ;w; I went in completely blind, which is good cause the trailer spoils so many great shots unfortunately, and the entire time I was swooning. Like, I usually whisper to my sibling during movies if we have comments, we’re very talkative at home when we watch stuff, but this time I was just sitting there staring with hearts in my eyes without pause. I’m in love with this man, plain and simple, I’m so glad I was able to get to see it since it didn’t come to the theater closest, we had to drive an hour away and when dad joked about me paying for the tickets since I was the one who wanted to see it, I did in a heartbeat. I wanted to see it again, but it was only there a couple weeks, so by the time I was able to go it was gone and I’m still upset about it. I’d sell my soul for this man, I love writing for him so much, I’m so glad my crush on Wojchek bloomed just in time for me to see this.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hank (Virgin Alexander)

I avoided this one at first because the trailer was making me cringe and I was going crazy over what kinda sexy awkward role he’d have in it, but I was pleasantly surprised in the end. I think the movie is actually cute, despite some stuff still making me cringe, and Hank is literally the most perfect boyfriend. If he showed up randomly in my life I would date him in a second, hands down. He’s so shaped like a friend, I know I’d always have fun with him even when we’re not Having Fun, and that’s all you can ever ask for in a relationship 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Breck Montanari (Double Black)

Okay first of all I gave him that last name. Second of all, I wrote 70k about this man and I am so in love with him that I own him now. I’ve taken him from Sara Woomer, he’s mine now. He has a full past, gave him a future and a partner, there’s no way I couldn’t have fallen in love with him. Unfortunately that fic will never be shared as it’s private, but know that, again, until Sara Woomer DMs me personally and shares everything else about this world, this is my new canon for him. And the cult. And the entire area where he lives. And several of the members. And the new Double Black who was such a chill dude that I made my bff love him too. This is my secret legacy. He only lost out to my #2 because there’s no way he couldn’t be my #2.

2.

💘 Love of my Life - Wojchek (The Last Voyage of the Demeter)

The reason I finally learned his name QwQ I went into this movie blind, dad really wanted to see it and I love horror so I went with him, and the second I saw him I said, ‘Oh that guy! I know that guy!’ since by then I’d seen Kurt and Abner a few years earlier and vaguely remembered him. I spent the whole movie then dreading his end thanks to the opening lines, and I’m pretty sure I quietly yelled at the screen when he fell and then got got after praying he’d be okay TwT After Abner, he’s the first DD role I ever shipped with, and when my crush officially restarted I ended up writing my entire plot for him and Addy that night before bed. I love him so much, he’s my jolly sailor bold who stole my heart by crying over the thought of having to lose his home. He’ll forever own a special place in my heart because of all this, I can’t imagine anyone else taking this spot.

🔥 Hottest Role - Murdoc (MacGyver 2016)

Murdoc was the first TV role of his I checked out after I saw as many movies as I could that interested me (mostly all the ones on Prime sans a couple, my collection was very very small by then) and the moment I saw him be mentioned I was ready to go. The Alice in Wonderland vague text, running and then getting shocked before falling two floors, showing up with that hair, I was not prepared for everything else they were about to throw at me. Murdoc is one of my most favourite characters now, he’s so much fun, I adore everything about him, I’ve only edited with him twice and written him once, but I need to do both so much more! This one is hot as fuck, he’s adorable, he loves his son, he’s got tools, he’s utterly sadistic, he’s a silly little guy. This is another Perfect Man, I cannot wait to decide on his plot with Addy because there’s too many fun possibilities I honestly might just make multiple.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Willy Cunningham (The Domestics)

Now… you might all be thinking… why the hell is this guy a #2 honourable mention in the face of all the others… and the answer is… I’m a freak 😀 I’ll never say, but my eyes were opened to him, and my god, I will literally never be the same. I just need him and that insanely feral energy okay, lemme have this.

1.

💘 Love of my Life - Abner Krill (The Suicide Squad)

The love that started it all, I think I fell for him the moment he walked outta his cell and got teased. The love I feel for him goes so deep, it only compares to one other, and whenever I work on my plot for him and Addy I always get choked up. The ultimate one who didn’t deserve what he got, I actually refused to watch the movie again after he died, straight up did not watch until my marathon started, and as soon as I saw him in that cell it all came back. I instantly fell back in love with him, and thus his Addy plot has the most love put into it to make sure he’s happy and safe. I thought that maybe there’d be another to win my heart as my marathon grew, but nope he’s still there sharing it with my other #1, and seeing him can instantly bring a smile to my face no matter how I’m feeling. 

After the movie I read the trivia again and my crush on DD himself began, so it’s all thanks to him and Wojchek that I’ve met the people I know today and have created so many things in such a short time. When I hit my lowest low in years I just sat at my desk and held the funko I have of him and just cried it all out, and it honestly helped me get out of that spiral. Thanks to him I now have a Polka-Dot Man collection (still missing one figure and maybe a signed print and poster 👉👈🥰) and if I could get a plushie of him to join the ton I already have I’d buy him in a second. Maybe someday, if I have any courage, I’ll bring my funko or something to a con where DD is attending and get it signed, either him or my other #1, and I’ll cherish it forever.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Jude (Animals)

Like all the others, I went into this movie completely blind. I didn’t know DD wrote it or its significance to him until after it was over and the credits rolled. So the entire time I was watching I was falling in love with him, he was so incredibly my type in the moments he was actually happy that it’s insane, I spent the whole movie just saying how much I would date him in better circumstances. We were sadly betting which one of them was going to die as things just got worse, me and my sibling were watching so miserably, and then we were rewarded with a happy ending despite the bittersweetness. And then the credits rolled, after me repeatedly wondering why he’d accept a role like this after knowing at least about his addiction and it all fell into place. I haven’t been able to watch again so far now that I know a lot of what happened to Jude also happened to him, it breaks my heart too much, but I still love him deep down and I hope he was also able to heal after the credits rolled.

🔥 Hottest Role - Johnson (Reprisal)

Tied for first with Abner as the ultimate love of my life and claiming this one all to himself, Johnson is the Most Perfect Man. Literally, no other DD role can top him in my heart aside from Abner. I honestly almost skipped Reprisal entirely because the promo image on his imdb didn’t grab me (I’m such a fake fan I’m so ashamed of myself), but when I was done with everything else and wanted to see more, I downloaded it without ep9 since he wasn't in it, and started watching. What followed next was me falling so in love with the show that I spent forever trying to get that missing episode back from near dead torrents cause I needed to watch it even though he wasn't in it. Reprisal is my Roman Empire, I am constantly thinking about it and him and Matty, not just for my fic but just because I love it all so fucking much. 

Johnson himself is so fascinating, I’m incredibly in love with him and everything about him, he’s unlike any other role DD has played that there’s a complete disconnect in my mind, he’s just Johnson. He’s so goddamn hot I missed out on literally everything the first round because I was watching him so hard, Matty and Ethan were nonexistent to me and I’m madly in love with Matty now so let that sink in, and when I rewatched it immediately after with my parents it was like I was watching for the first time. I’m loving writing for him (and Matty and Ethan of course) so much that my thoughts go back to him daily, and it almost always includes me being on the verge of tears because of how insanely good this script is and how these boys bring me so much joy while also shattering my heart. 

Making the gif below no joke did make me cry like this show is my greatest weakness right now you guys don't even understand how much it and Johnson mean to me.

I need to edit more for him and them and the show in general, if I had endless money and all the confidence in the world I would truly fund this show single handedly so it can finish the way it was supposed to. I’m so mad at Hulu for giving me the greatest love(s) of my life before taking him away years before I’d ever know him, with no physical media or merch to at least collect to numb the pain. At some point I need to get some promo pics printed out as actual posters, I need this show on my wall so I can always see him.

[pluviophiles]

after rewatching s1-s3 of umbrella academy to convince myself that s4 was not real, here are my major issues with this season, focusing on the questions i have after the writers decided to throw an abundance of plot holes at us.

(PART 1)

jennifer. the entire debate on what to do about the marigold and durango situation had me so confused. if reginald knew that she was so dangerous, why didn't he just kill her before she had the opportunity to come into contact with the umbrellas in this timeline as well? instead, he decides to build a whole ass town to stash her away?? the writers seem to attempt to cover this up by giving the townspeople orders to not harm jennifer, but this opens up a whole new plethora of plot holes that i don't even wanna touch on. y'all cannot gaslight us into this reginald redemption arc.

touching more on the topic of reginald's character this season, im sure we can all agree that he was SO ooc. reignald?? listening to viktor??? lmao im sorry but what do you take us for? by now, we're well aware that he is, is no way, above finishing off people to get a job done efficiently. (ex. ben in the original timeline, klaus, luther, etc.) the fact that he missed around 20 opportunities in s4 to stop the clense was not very believable.

power upgrades... one of my biggest questions was why some of them got random ass power upgrades after consuming marigold while others didn't. with luther, his ape body had nothing to do w/ his powers, so i dont rlly understand why they had that returned. lila's lazer eyes also don't follow canon, as her powers are derived from others' powers, and the only ones who have powers in that timeline are the umbrellas. lastly, allison's new mind controlling powers also didn't sit well with me, since she only got those after taking bits of viktor's powers, which she didn't do this season.

five and lila. UGH. steve blackman really fucked up with this one. you're telling me that five, the man who spent 45 years in the apocalypse trying to get back to his family would cheat with his brother's wife?? nuh-uh. and on top of that, he would hide his map from lila for 5 months, knowing that his family needed him and lila's her? his character felt entirely erased this season, which is such a huge loss of his developement and build up from seasons 1-3. and poor delores... i just know that (canon) five would have never done that to her

[starstruckodysseys]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[cellsshapedlikestars]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @hilarychuff

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

honestly, I'm sometimes embarrassed by how much I've written in the 3 1/2 years since I started posting. Currently 66

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,350,298. yikes.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at this point, Jonsa. we do not talk about The Prior Fandom

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a fairytale ending (by a WIDE margin)

the mating game

take me out

moth's wings

ever fallen in love (on national TV)

(shocker, it's all my romcoms lmao. also, let's not talk about how the top 4 are all fake dating fics. I can't help myself)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I used to do it on all fics, but as discussed above, I'm a wordy bitch and at points responding to all comments on, for example, one shot event fics that I would post back-to-back got overwhelming. So I allowed myself to stop responding to comments on one shots. Recently I had quite the mental health dip and didn't respond to any for a while, but I think I'm back.

Part of the reason I like fandom is the sense of community. I started responding to comments on my first fic because I hadn't resurrected my tumblr from the grave yet, so it was the only way to interact with the fandom. Then I continued to because I appreciated the comments, even if they were simple and I had nothing else to say except thank you. I still try to on chaptered fics because, let's face it, without comments and without community, I wouldn't be posting my stories.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my WWI one-shot

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try to write at least *hopeful* endings for all my fics. I don't know if I can quantify "happiest", because I think that's different for everyone.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

of course. I feel like it's a rite of passage on ao3 to get some shitty hate comments

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*through clenched teeth* I sure do

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not really a fan of crossovers tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I'm aware of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! I don't think I could tbh. I'm sort of a control freak and I even have problems letting people pre-read things, I have no idea why. I think the only people I've let pre-read anything are @hilarychuff (who is my brainstorm buddy) and @greenhikingboots (who is the reason the last chapter of the ghost inside made any coherent sense)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, Jonsa. I honestly don't ship that often

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

sigh. white knuckles.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm very fast at it lmao. Like, seriously. I type very fast. I'm also somehow really good at starting a fic off with only an inciting incident, no other real plans, and somehow coming up with a full plot/ending that I'm satisfied with, while posting it as I develop the story

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

outlines. smut.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can barely handle English my guy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

hmmm that depends on what the criteria is. First fandom I wrote for was Sailor Moon, I just never posted it anywhere. Harry Potter was technically the first fandom I posted for, but it was one chapter and I never continued it and I genuinely can't even remember what it was called, all I remember is Harry melted Voldemort with a bucket of soapy water like in the Enchanted Forest Chronicles.

The first fandom I was actually active in and wrote more than just a chapter was... A secret. I'm actually a little embarrassed about it and my fics are still floating around out there and some of them make me cringe sooooo hard. I don't think I've ever admitted to it here on tumblr dot com and I don't think I will now

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

help me out of the shape I'm in

I'm always so anxious about tagging people and leaving people out and making them feel bad, but I'll try to do it anyway. @greenhikingboots @sibyldisobedience @thewolvescalledmehome @esther-dot @periwinkle39 @eruherdiriel and anyone else who wants to do this! (also, no pressure to anyone I did tag lol)

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 16 - Let's Hear It for the Boy

IN THIS CHAPTER: Science fiction double feature, rotten eggs, and Eddie turns 20 [12.2k]

WARNINGS: bullying (mentions of racism and fatphobia), childhood trauma (hair trauma, child neglect, toxic masculinity), one use of a homophobic slur (f-word), mild spoilers for The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Exorcist (specific mentions of the crucifix scene, if you've seen the movie, you know what this is about)

A/N: shout out to my one and only @gutterratt for helping me figure out my way through old horror movies! i'm a wuss so i relied heavily on her opinions to make this work (also read a few entire scripts and scared myself lmao). thank you for being the best teacher i could have asked for. 10 more days until i get to hug the shit out of you <3

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

We always have a real good time And maybe he sings off-key But that's all right by me, yeah

Thursday, May 15th - 1986

On Eddie’s 20th birthday it rained cats and dogs. There was a light shower during the early morning which stopped at around 10 only to come back with a vengeance after lunch, and by the time the school day had ended, the weather was warm and humid with a sky-obscuring fog that made it seem like it was much later than it actually was. Eddie, as he always did when it rained, offered to take Gareth home so he gave his friend his keys and asked him and Dottie to wait in the van while he finished up a private conversation with Mrs. Vaughn, his Drawing teacher. She was quite impressed with how his portfolio was shaping up, and wanted to know more about the subjects he’d chosen to portray in his art. Some talks were meant to be kept behind closed doors.

Gareth left Dottie at her locker where she was fighting to fit Eddie’s birthday present in her backpack without absolutely destroying the muffin she’d baked for him during Home Ec and headed towards the parking lot to wait for his friends in the safety of the van. Dottie had barely managed to zip up her backpack when a pair of pink sneakers came up to where she was kneeling.

“Do you need help?” a warm, melodic voice asked.

Dottie looked up to find Chrissy Cunningham, the current Queen of Hawkins High, smiling at her like they’d known each other for years. She wasn’t wearing her full cheerleading uniform that day; instead she had chosen cuffed jeans and a lovely cream blouse, her strawberry blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. Wow, Dottie thought without an ounce of shame for ogling. She’s gorgeous. Realizing she had been staring up at the kind (almost) stranger, she quickly stood and threw her backpack over her shoulder.

“Oh, no, thank you! I’ve got it,” Dottie said, and Chrissy smiled even wider if it was even possible.

“You’re Dottie Burke, right? We’re in World History together, you sit with Jeff Patton two seats in front of me?”

“Yup, that’s me! And you’re Chrissy Cunningham, you sit with, um, Melissa?”

“Yes, Melissa Levine,” the blonde’s eyes brightened up, pleased that this conversation was going smoothly. “I know you’re best friends with Eddie so could you give this to him for me?”

Chrissy presented a shiny green gift bag to her. It was carefully sealed with a big transparent sticker from the store where it had been purchased from and a huge silvery bow was tied to the handles. Of all the things she had been expecting her to pull out behind her back, a birthday gift for Eddie hadn’t been in her Top 10 List at all.

“Are you sure? He’ll come back in a sec if you want to give it to him yourself, he’s just talking to a teacher.”

“Yeah, I think he already knows what it is,” Chrissy waved her hand like it wasn’t a big deal. “I’d wait for him but my boyfriend is in the car already so…”

“Oh, yeah, totally. I can give this to Ed for you, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, you’re so nice!” she said, beaming at her. “I’m sorry if I’m coming off too strong, Eddie said we’d get along so I thought “well, what am I waiting for”, right?”

“You’re fine, seriously,” Dottie laughed; Chrissy’s bubbly energy was contagious. “He told me we’d get along too. Something about you liking Queen and owning all the records?”

“Yes! Gosh, I love Queen! Do you? We should hang out sometime, we can listen to them together.”

“Absolutely, yes. I’d love that.”

“Okay, cool! I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Yeah, sure! Have fun on your date!”

“How did you know I’m going on a date?” Chrissy said, mild intrigue on her face.

“You just look really pretty and you mentioned your boyfriend so I thought you might be going on a date with him,” Dottie explained like it was the simplest thing in the world. “I like your makeup.”

“Oh,” she said, stopping for a moment.

Chrissy wasn’t a stranger to people telling her she was pretty. She had grown up going to pageants and being paraded as a doll by her mother but the compliments were always the same and regarding things she didn’t care about, like how big her Mom had teased her hair, and how thin she looked like in that formal gown. No one had ever told her something she did for herself, like her daily makeup, was pretty. She gave Dottie a big toothy smile, genuine and warm.

“Thank you! I like your dress!”

“Thanks, it was my Mom’s. It has pockets!” the brunette said, shoving a hand inside the left pocket of her short black jumper dress to demonstrate.

“I love that! Not enough dresses have pockets, it’s a shame.”

They said their goodbyes again and Chrissy disappeared down the hallway, leaving Dottie to consider that maybe she really did need more girl friends. She loved her Hellfire boys, and of course Erica was great, but she had missed the kind of special warmth female friendships gave - the gentle toughness she’d always admired in her Aunts’ actions. Now that she knew what a real friend was supposed to look like thanks to the guys, she realized that whatever she had thought Jeannie was during her life in New York hadn’t exactly been a good example of true friendship. Dottie wondered if, given enough time, Chrissy could become a real friend. She was, after all, good friends with Eddie already and he seemed like a fine judge of character so far.

“You ready to bounce?” Eddie asked, hurrying down the hallway to where she was still standing.

“Yeah! This is for you, by the way,” Dottie said, giving him the gift bag. “It’s from Chrissy.”

“Chris- damnit, I told her not to do it,” he shook his head, a fond smile gracing his face. He accepted the bag and shoved it inside his backpack to protect it from the rain; he had a pretty good idea of what it was but he’d look at it once they were home. “Come on, let’s go.”

He guided Dottie towards the parking lot with a hand on the back of her bag, keeping her close as they ran out into the rain and towards the dry seats of his van. They were almost there when Eddie noticed someone curled into themselves near the furthest column that supported the overhang roof at the entrance, a figure huddled up on the floor wearing what looked like Gareth’s red plaid shirt. He looked at his van and saw instantly that his friend was not sitting inside waiting for them, and the vehicle wasn’t even on. What the fuck, he thought bitterly, taking note that the door on the driver’s side was covered in what looked like a runny viscous liquid. The rain was washing it away, but the white and light brown shells on the floor were enough to confirm his suspicions. Switching gears quickly, he pulled Dottie under his arm and guided her towards Gareth.

“What’s going on?” she asked, looking up at him, arm up trying to keep the rain out of her face.

“Gareth!” he yelled for an answer, and the younger boy lifted his teary head up from his knees. “Jesus Christ.”

“Oh my god, what happened to you?” Dottie exclaimed, rushing to their friend.

“They were waiting for Eddie. Said it was a birthday present,” he sniffed, lifting his arm to wipe his face with his sleeve and putting it down instantly when he saw it was filthy. He smelled like rotten eggs.

“I’m so sorry, man,” Eddie said, crouching next to him.

“Not your fault,” Gareth shrugged. “You always cover for me so… guess it was time I covered you for once.”

“This has happened before?” Dottie asked, and both boys looked at her like it was common sense. “Who- who did this to you? How many times?”

“It isn’t always eggs,” Gareth sniffed again. “One time they threw mud at Donny, called him a pig. Gave Dustin a swirly a couple of times but they don’t touch Mike anymore since they found out Nancy Wheeler is his sister. Andy is the worst, he, um-” he interrupted himself and looked at Eddie.

“Andy Humphrey,” Eddie sighed. “He put a bunch of racist notes in Jeff’s locker for a couple of months last year. We saw him doing it but Higgins didn’t do shit about it. He’s on the basketball team, always wears that stupid hat.”

“Yeah, I know him,” Dottie said. “He’s in my AP Spanish class, he’s barely passing. He cheated on our last pop quiz, he knows I saw because he winked at me like he was trying to get me on his side.”

“Almost everyone on the basketball team sucks,” Gareth said. “I don’t know what Lucas is doing with them.”

“Lucas?”

“Lucas Sinclair. Erica’s brother?” Eddie explained. “He used to play with us before he decided being a freak wasn’t good enough for him.”

“I mean… I don’t blame him. I smell like a sewer,” Gareth grimaced.

“Okay, come on, let’s get you home,” Dottie said, patting his knee to get him to stand up.

“I’ll just walk, I’m gonna get the van dirty.”

“No way, man, not in this thunderstorm. Get in the back,” Eddie instructed.

The three of them headed back to the van, the rain not relenting for a single second. On the bright side, Eddie’s door wasn’t dirty anymore, clean from the constant water streaming upon the metal. On the other hand, Gareth was soaked and shivering by the time he sat himself on a plastic crate at the back of the van, keeping himself away from the blankets and pillows, windows cracked open to let cool air in and rotten egg smell out. They drove to Gareth’s house in silence, only the occasional sniffling coming from the dirty boy wallowing in his own misery could be heard under the vehicle’s rumbling.

When they arrived and pulled up to Gareth’s garage, Eddie wasn’t expecting Dottie to get out too, leaving behind her backpack tucked under the co-pilot seat. He followed the pair to the front door, heard the keys tinkling against each other as his friends walked inside and hurried up to get out of the rain. In the foyer, Dottie peeled off her cardigan and sneakers before directing Gareth to his bathroom.

“Eddie, can you get a chair from the kitchen?” she asked, already pushing Gareth down the hallway.

Eddie complied with her request, bringing one of the aluminum chairs with pleather seats into the Jack and Jill that connected Gareth’s bedroom with his sister’s. Gareth was peeling his dirty sleeveless shirt and sweatshirt off his body, Dottie kneeling near his feet helping him take his rain soaked shoes off.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling softly at Eddie before looking up at Gareth. “You sit.”

“Why can’t I just take a shower?” he complained, but still sat down on the chair.

“Because you’re not only covered in gunk, there’s eggshells in your hair. Let me get them out and we’ll leave you to shower in peace, okay?” she pulled back the bath curtain and got his shampoo and conditioner, coming to stand next to the sink.

The birthday boy watched her work, carefully picking all the shells out of Gareth’s hair and throwing them into the pink waste bin that was hidden next to the toilet. She got rid of the knots in his hair with a glittery blue plastic comb that clearly belonged to Gretchen, wetting it with warm water between each pass. Eddie could feel something bubbling up his chest, but it wasn’t anything like the usual jealousy he swore he had stopped feeling days ago. No, this was something different, much more deep seated, clawing up his throat and threatening to tear his insides apart leaving no prisoners behind. This was something he’d been ignoring for a very long time, from before he even knew a Gareth Coleman or a Dorothy Burke. This padlock had been sealed shut with rust ages ago, the key long forgotten somewhere no one, not even Eddie, would find it anymore.

Dottie poured water on Gareth’s scalp with her hands, making him shiver once and then giggle at himself for his reaction. She worked the shampoo into his curls, pulling his hair once to make him wince when he made a stupid comment that Eddie wasn’t listening. He watched the suds fall into the pure white porcelain of the sink bowl as she washed them away with the utmost patience and care.

“You should be a hairdresser,” Gareth said, eyes closed while he relaxed into her touch.

“I could never. You know that smell when you walk into a salon? I fucking hate it,” she said, snorting at the end.

When was the last time Eddie had gone to a salon for a haircut? Not since living with Wayne, that’s for sure. The last time he’d had a haircut he hadn’t given himself in his own bathroom was back in middle school, when a neighbor buzzed all his hair off during that horrible lice outbreak he’d told Dottie about. He remembered that before he turned 12, before she passed away calmly in her sleep, his Grandma kept his hair rather short, like it had been that summer he’d spent in her care when he was eight. And before that… Eddie didn’t like to remember before that.

Dottie shook the bottle of conditioner until a small blob hit her palm and began weaving her fingers into Gareth’s curls. They were still chatting quietly, their long haired friend hovering in the hallway near the door. Eight years. Eight years since anyone had touched Eddie’s hair, since anyone that wasn’t himself had run a brush through his curls and snapped the damaged ends off with a pair of sharp scissors. He hated getting haircuts from his Grandma - not because she was bad at doing them, but because she always pulled at the knots a little bit too harshly, muttering about how boys with longer hair were unkempt and unruly. And Eddie loved his Grandma so much, and she loved him so much in return, but in those moments there was no denying that she was his father’s mother, and getting haircuts from her only reminded him of Wyatt Munson calling him a faggot because his curls reached the collar of his school shirt before he dropped him off at a cheap salon and returned five hours later, smelling of booze and nicotine and regrets.

Eddie used to feel so guilty whenever he went to the salon. Wyatt would treat him like absolute shit, and then he’d sob quietly in the chair while a middle aged lady told him things like “boys don’t cry” and “it’s just hair, kid, don’t be a brat”, only for Wyatt to return and ask her if she’d turned his little girl into a proper boy. A while back, when Eddie first got his driver’s license, he drove past that salon on his way to Donny’s family restaurant and felt like he’d won the damn lottery when he saw it had been closed for several years. Fuck that place, he’d thought and promptly sped up.

“Hey,” a hand touched his arm, making him jump lightly. “Where’d you go?”

“Sorry,” he said quickly, blinking a few times and focusing on Dottie’s worried face in front of him. “I think I fell asleep for a second.”

“We’re done so… we can go now,” she said, not pushing him for an answer.

She’d seen that face on him before, back when they were arguing about his moldy ceiling, and immediately decided they weren’t going to have this conversation in front of Gareth. The younger boy had a small towel on his head like a nun’s headdress to stop his curls from dripping all over the floor as he gathered his dirty clothes and walked past them towards the laundry room.

“Sorry about all this,” said Gareth, standing under his front door’s frame.

“Wasn’t your fault, man. Sorry you got caught in the crossfire,” Eddie reassured him, waiting for Dottie to finish putting on her sneakers.

“Better me than you.”

“Tell you what, why don’t you pick the movie tomorrow? Anything you want.”

“Anything?” he asked, mischief glinting in his eyes.

“Just… don’t pick anything stupid, okay? The Boogey Man sucked ass.”

“You have no fucking taste,” Gareth complained, rolling his eyes.

“Wait, hold on, are we gonna watch a horror film?” Dottie asked in the direction of the younger boy.

“It’s tradition, we always watch horror movies on our birthdays.”

“Can we not do that this time? You know I hate horror. We can do a thriller, that’s like… horror-adjacent, right?”

“Horror-adjac… Dude,” Gareth turned to Eddie, seeking an ally.

It’s not that Eddie was dying to watch a horror film, he really wasn’t. He was happy to watch whatever most of the time, like when Jeff had insisted on watching Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone for some weird reason and he’d gone along for the ride because, well, any movie was still a movie. Eddie loved stories, the more outlandish the better. He wasn’t about to complain about two hours of mindless entertainment, regardless of the subject of the VHS tape in the player. Caught between his two friends, one who looked at him with exasperation at even suggesting a change of plans and the other one with the cutest goddamned pout and rounded eyes he had ever seen, well, he was only human. If Jesus had stumbled, why wouldn’t he do it too?

“Maybe we can skip the horror this time,” he said.

“Come on, man, don’t let her peer-pressure you!”

“Peer-pressure? God, you’re such a little-”

“Okay, okay, calm down, Jesus,” Eddie lifted his hands, getting between them. “How about this? We do a double feature. You each pick one movie and you can’t complain about what the other one chooses, alright? It’s my birthday, don’t make me uninvite you.”

“But-”

“Take it or leave it, Gareth, it’s my final offer.”

“Fine,” Gareth grumbled.

“Thank you,” Dottie said, still looking apprehensive but not wanting to push the argument further.

This was a tradition she hadn’t been a part of since its inception and she wasn’t going to fight her way in when they were so graciously holding the door open for her. Friends do stuff they don’t enjoy to make other friends happy sometimes, it’s okay. They’d do it for me. I’ll just… suck it up and watch the floor for two hours, she thought as they said their goodbyes and ran under the rain to get to Eddie’s van. He was excitedly going on about the cake Wayne had gotten for him on the way to the trailer, and Dottie couldn’t find it in herself to care about what horrifying movie Gareth was gonna subject her too when Eddie looked so happy to spend his special day with his Uncle and her.

“Wayne, we’re home!” Eddie yelled, trying to put his key in to open his front door.

Dottie was standing very still in front of Eddie, his chest to her back and arms on either side of her while he wrestled with his keys, shielding her from the storm with his body. The copious raindrops falling on them pinged off the leather jacket that was keeping him cozy and dry, soaking his hair that curtained Dottie’s head from above. She was holding both their backpacks against her chest, trying to protect them and their contents from the rain.

“Wayne!” he yelled again, hitting the door twice with his fist.

“Hold on, I’m coming,” the older man replied from the inside, hurrying up to let them in. "Where were you?"

"Got held up at school," said Eddie, guiding Dot in and closing the door quickly behind his back before shedding his wet jacket. "Talked to that teacher I told you about last night. She said I have talent."

"Coulda told you that myself," Wayne smiled at him, pulling his big boy into a hug and patting his back. "Happy birthday, Ed."

"Thanks, Wayne," Eddie melted into his Uncle. They didn't hug often, less so now that he wasn't a little kid anymore, but if you asked him, his Uncle Wayne gave the best hugs in the entire world because whenever he gave you one, he definitely meant it. "Can we have cake now?"

"Get the candles," Wayne jerked his head towards the kitchen where a set of barely used birthday candles were waiting in the bottom drawer ready to grant a new wish.

While Eddie busied himself putting the candles on a small chocolate cake, Dottie cleared the coffee table, setting his gifts on the floor. There were three presents: Chrissy's shiny green bag that had gotten a bit smushed in Eddie's backpack, a thin rectangle in bright blue paper, and a little package smaller than a hand. Wayne added two to the pile wrapped in the same red paper; one looked soft, the other one was a square box. Dottie's funfetti muffin ended up with its own candle next to the cake.

"Light me up, princess," Eddie said, pointing to a BIC lighter that had been abandoned in the coffee table bowl at some point.

"I can't," Dottie admitted, looking embarrassed. "I don't know how to use that kind of lighter, the flick thing scares me."

"The flick thing?"

"You know, the thingy you have to roll with your thumb? That scrapes something inside and sparks up?"

"The sparkwheel?"

"I don't know what it's called!" Eddie held back a grin. "Don't laugh at me, I don't like how close the spark is to the finger. It's a perfectly reasonable fear, I don't want to burn myself!"

"No, yeah, absolutely. You're totally right" he said, fighting a chuckle. God, she's so fucking cute. He reached into a kitchen drawer and retrieved a small matchbox. “Here, use these.”

“The Hideout,” she read aloud on the front of the box. “That’s where you guys play on Tuesdays, right?”

“Yeah, they have a big bowl of these on the bar. I grab a couple every few weeks, haven’t bought real matches in years.”

“Very smart,” she said, lighting the two candles at the same time Wayne found his old camera tucked away in their storage closet.

Eddie knelt in front of the coffee table, closing his eyes with only one wish in mind. Dottie and Wayne sang to him and he smiled, the sudden flash of the camera in his Uncle’s hands painting his eyelids pink for a brief second. His 19th birthday had been tainted with the knowledge that he was going to be held back for the second time in a row. Wayne had taken him to a diner that night; they’d gotten pancakes for dinner and Eddie had cried and apologized for being such a goddamn failure. The eldest Munson had simply let his tears dry before he’d said, very matter-of-factly: I didn’t finish high school, do you think I’m a failure? What’s important is that you keep tryin’ and see things through even if they get hard. Are you a quitter, Ed?

Please, let ‘86 be my year, Eddie thought as hard as he could, sending his prayer to the universe before he opened his eyes and blew both candles out with one single breath. Dottie clapped and hollered, making them laugh. Wayne nudged her side with his elbow, nodding once in his nephew’s direction.

“Come on, you two. Gimme a nice smile,” he lifted the camera again.

Dottie hurried to sit next to Eddie and he didn’t waste a second pulling her to him, cheeks pressed against each other’s. She smiled brightly, the muffin she’d made for him in her hands like a delicate flower, and his arms around her waist, tongue out in a funny face. Wayne committed the memory to film before Dottie lifted herself up onto her knees, making grabby hands at him, Eddie still holding onto her.

“I’ll take one of you two, Mr. Wayne!” she offered.

“How about we take a group picture?” he said, sitting on the couch behind them and turning the camera around.

The two teens huddled up at his feet, his nephew giving him instructions to frame everyone better (“You gotta go higher, Wayne, half your head will be out of the picture!”). After the flash went off, Dottie went to find a knife to cut the cake while Eddie tore into his gifts, starting with Wayne’s packages. He seemed to already know what the soft looking one was, but still ripped the paper with gusto, a childlike glint in his eyes.

Wayne’s gifts had clearly been picked from a thrift shop, but that didn’t damp Eddie’s excitement in the slightest. He thanked his Uncle profusely for his two new shirts and boxy jean shorts for the summer before moving onto the mystery box which turned out to be a thermos flask with a slightly faded Snoopy print.

“No way!” he said, gleefully. “I’ve been trying to get one of these for ages!”

“I know,” Wayne said, proudly. “Heard you yappin’ about it so I asked Loretta to hold one for me if she ever saw them. Said they got a few of them a couple of months ago so I went and snatched one for you.”

“A couple of months ago? Where did you hide it all this time?”

“Under the seat in my truck,” he laughed, and Dottie was reminded once again of how similar the Munson men truly were.

“Gonna start checking down there around Christmas,” Eddie said, narrowing his eyes. He passed the flask to Dottie to examine who traded it for a plate of cake.

“This is really cute, Mr. Wayne. Wish mine was pretty like this one.”

“You got one of these?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, my Grandpa gave me his old one a few years ago. It looks so ugly, it’s like… plaid? But it keeps water cool in the summer so I can’t really complain. He got it for his fishing trips but he never used it so I got it instead. The perks of being his only grandchild,” she waved her fingers.

“You don’t have cousins?” Wayne asked, digging into his own piece of cake while Eddie picked a new present to open.

“No, both my parents are only children. All my Aunts and Uncles are their friends. I’ve got a big family, but I’m not blood related to any of them.”

“Oh, shit,” Eddie muttered, his attention on the long thin box in his hands.

Chrissy’s gift had turned out to be a red tie. The fabric was soft and silky, slightly shiny, and the tie itself was on the thinner side. There was a simple white card in the bag, it only said “For: Eddie, From: Chrissy” but she’d dotted the I’s with tiny hearts. He caressed the side of the box lightly, staring at it in wonder. He’d never owned a tie, much less one that looked as expensive as this one. When he’d asked Chrissy for advice on what to wear for prom, he’d never imagined she’d take it upon herself to make sure he was presentable. He’d have to figure out a way to make it up to her for her birthday, maybe Dottie would know how to help.

“That’s nice,” Wayne said, craning his neck to see into the box. “That one yours, Dot?”

“No, this one’s Chrissy’s,” she replied.

“Who’s Chrissy?”

“Chrissy Cunningham,” Eddie said, realizing he’d never talked to his Uncle about his most unlikely friend. “We’re in Sociology together.”

Dottie knew he was lying; Eddie only shared Sociology with Jeff but it wasn’t like he could tell Wayne he’d become friends with a cheerleader by selling her weed, could he? She noticed how suspicious his Uncle was by his statement and decided to help him out.

“I’m in World History with her, she’s really kind,” Dottie said, making Eddie look up at her too. “We were talking about Queen when you were with Mrs. Vaughn today, she said she liked my dress.”

“She did?”

“Yeah! She liked the pockets,” she smiled at him. “You gonna wear this for prom?”

“I think that’s why she got it for me,” Eddie chuckled. “I told her we’re all wearing Hellfire colors. Gareth got a red bowtie the other day.”

“I still haven’t found a dress I like or that fits right,” she huffed. “Dad said we’re gonna have to go to Indianapolis, we’ve been to every shop in Hawkins already.”

“A lot of shops closed last year ‘cause of the mall,” Wayne said, clearing up the cake plates. “Never reopened after the fire. Damn shame.”

“Can I open these ones?” Eddie interrupted, excited about the two other presents he had left on the pile.

“Sure!”

“Any special order?”

“No, they’re separate from each other.”

He decided to open the bigger one first, fairly confident about it being a book. He tore the paper to find a hardcover notebook, black with an elastic to keep it closed. It looked fancy, but not particularly special, at least not until he opened it. It was sheet music, 14 five-line staffs on every off-white page, binded and with a pocket on the back. He turned to the first sheet, blank, no lines but with a note written in familiar black ink. For my favorite rockstar, from your darling Dottie. With a little daisy at the end. He stared at it for a minute that never seemed to end and looked up at her, big rounded eyes pushing his eyebrows under his fringe.

“You were talking about wanting to write more songs for Corroded Coffin last week at practice, so I thought you might need a place to keep everything organized,” she explained, voice shy and a little soft.

“Dot, I-”

“Open the other one.”

Wordlessly, he grabbed the small box, instantly recognizing it as a cassette case. He removed the paper, aware that Wayne was watching them from behind the kitchen bar while he brewed some coffee, and turned the transparent case in his hand. 1986 - E&D was written on the front, colorful stickers decorating the plastic. The song list inside only had one entry: Hot Patootie - Meatloaf (RHPS).

“Just one song?” he asked, confused.

“I thought we could fill it up together. See, I wrote 1986 on this one, but we can make a new one for every year we’re friends so when we get old, we can remember what we were doing that year by the songs we chose. Like a musical scrapbook.”

“Fuck, I love you,” Eddie said, launching himself from the floor and tackling her to the carpet, dissolving into giggles as she fought to sit back down.

“Stop- Jesus, Ed- I don’t like tickles, stop!” she pleaded, writhing on the floor like a worm, thankful that she was wearing colorful leggings under her skirt.

“Who doesn’t like tickles?” he lifted himself up onto hands and knees above her, ceasing the attack but still caging her under his body.

“I get nervous if I can’t breathe right,” she explained, hair fanning out like a halo around her head. Eddie felt his knees go weak. “Also, it makes me feel like I’m gonna pee myself and that’s so embarrassing.”

“Okay, gotcha. No tickling,” he pulled them both into a sitting position and smiled, wrapping one arm around her. “Thank you, I love my gifts. And I already know what song I wanna add next to the mixtape.”

“Do tell.”

“Nope,” he shook his head dramatically. “You’ll find out when it’s done.”

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes, turning to where Wayne was watching them, hiding a smile behind his mug.

“Happy birthday, son,” he said, raising his coffee to his mouth, and Eddie thought it might have been the happiest of them all.

After dishes had been washed and the rest of the cake had been put away until a certain birthday boy got the munchies at midnight, Eddie and Dottie decided to sit on the porch just outside his bedroom and leave Wayne to his devices. They lounged side by side on the old ratty couch, him working on his portfolio and her reading Pride and Prejudice out loud in an attempt to get him to finish the last book left in their compulsory reading list before finals week was upon them.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounded families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”

The heavy rain hitting the tin roof provided the perfect ambiance for Eddie’s limbs to start feeling heavy and his hand to begin missing the lines he was trying to stay between while he shaded his latest piece. He closed his sketchbook and slid it through his open window to keep it dry in the safety of his bedroom, quickly returning to the couch to continue hearing the tales of the Bennet sisters. He laid down on the cushions, legs hanging off the armrest and head comfortably pillowed by Dottie's lap.

“Come, Darcy,” said he, “I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance.”

“I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this, it would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged, and there is no another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with.”

“I would not be so fastidious as you are,” cried Bingley, “for a kingdom! Upon my honour, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and there are several of them, you see, uncommonly pretty.”

“You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room,” said Mr. Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.

What a lovely voice, Eddie thought about Dottie, closing his eyes and letting his impressive imagination create Austen's lavish world behind his eyelids. It wasn't too high-pitched, nor too low, with the cadence of someone who already knows the story they are reading and is aware of where to pause for dramatic effect. This Bingham fellow seems nice. Is this a love triangle-angle?, he wondered. Dottie's voice turned sweet when reading Jane, demure when reading Charlotte, and bratty when reading Lydia. She would be kind when she read Bingham, disdainful when Caroline and solemn when Darcy. But Eddie's favorite so far was her Lizzie voice, which turned sensible and self-assured, yet playful and naïve. He supposed it was because she used her own voice for her most preferred Bennet sister.

“Pride,” observed Mary, who piqued herself upon the solidity of her reflections, “is a very common failing, I believe. By all that I have ever read, I am convinced that it is very common indeed, that human nature is particularly prone to it, and that there are very few of us who do not cherish a feeling of self-complacency on the score of some quality or other, real or imaginary. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity to what we would have others think of us.”

“If I were as rich as Mr. Darcy,” cried a young Lucas, who came with his sisters, “I should not care how proud I was. I would keep a pack of foxhounds, and drink a bottle of wine every day.”

A page was turned, and Dottie’s hand that had been propped up on her armrest fell onto her lap, where it began playing with Eddie's hair. She had touched it before, albeit briefly, but never had she had the opportunity to absent-mindedly run her fingers through his curls like this. They were so much softer than she had expected. She continued this soothing motion, and Eddie kept his eyes closed, leaving her to wonder if his unusual stillness was due to him falling asleep under her touch. She stopped, not wanting to disturb him when his arm shot up and his hand curled around her wrist.

"Please," he muttered in a broken voice. "Keep going."

Eddie couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a haircut at a salon, but he also couldn't remember the last time anyone had brushed their fingers through the strands that had grown exponentially since middle school. He couldn't recall anyone helping him wash it, blow drying it for him, pushing it out of his face. And now Dottie was showing him the type of affection and care he'd craved for since before he learned how to tie his own shoes, and the rusty padlock with the missing key was beginning to break with the slightest amount of brute force applied to it.

"Please," Eddie pleaded, and Dottie closed the book, pulling her wrist out of his hand.

"Wait here," she said, moving her thighs so he'd let her get up and promptly disappeared into the trailer.

I've finally done it, he berated himself. I finally scared her off. But she reappeared quickly carrying a cushion and a rounded brush, sitting once again on the ratty couch. She opened her legs and put the cushion on the floor between them, motioning for him to sit down. Eddie complied without questioning it, his shoulders grazing against the colorful nylon leggings that covered her inner thighs while he faced the trailer park currently plunged into darkness by the storm. The first gentle but firm pull of the plastic bristles on his scalp made him shiver. The second one broke the dam.

Dottie brushed his hair in silence, being extra careful when she encountered a knot, undoing it slowly and patiently. Eddie sobbed without fear of judgment, because even though they weren't talking about it, he knew that she understood. How could she not, growing up with a single father who had never once in his life styled long hair before hers began to grow past her shoulders? So she brushed, and he cried, and they let go of yet another invisible weight together. When she put the brush down on the cushions, Eddie expected her to say something to ask him about what was happening. Instead, he felt her fingers running once, twice through the entire length of his hair, parting a small section near the top to his left on the third time. Dottie began braiding the strands into a thin plait, securing it with a small colorful plastic hair tie, the kind Eddie knew she always carried in her bag and had used a couple of times to pull her short curls into low pigtails.

She finished the braid, and moved onto the next one, right below the first one. Dottie wove strand with strand until she had three braids on either side of his head, all thinner than her own pinky. She pulled them back into a ponytail with the rest of his hair and brushed the ends for good measure one more time before dropping her weight on the floor between Eddie and the couch. Her arms curled around his waist, his chest to his back, her hands finding his curled into tight fists on his lap.

“You look like a viking now,” she said, softly.

“Thank you,” he replied, voice frail and small but full of meaning. She leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to the base of his neck, just above his shirt, and he bit back another sob.

“Happy birthday, Ed,” she muttered, lips still pressed to his skin like she wanted to get the words permanently etched into it.

Dottie did not go back to reading out loud and Eddie didn’t fish his sketchbook from his room for the remainder of the evening. They simply sat together on the porch, tangled with one another as usual, and watched the rain fall and heard the thunder rumble until it was time for her to go home. They didn’t say anything about what had happened, but there was no need. Another padlock laid at their feet, and they weren’t afraid of busting them open anymore.

Friday, May 16th - 1986

“Fred? Fred!” Dottie called, pushing the doors to the Hawkins High newspaper room in a hurry. “Fred, are you here?”

“N-no, he’s- he went to see the nurse!” a familiar voice came from under the stairs.

Sitting on the floor and hiding between a few boxes that contained blank bundles of paper, was Nancy Wheeler. Her pretty calf-length pastel rainbow skirt covered her bent legs, concealing her feet from anyone who walked by. She had been crying, brown mascara staining the skin under her eyes but she clearly wasn’t anymore, face dry and eyes only slightly swollen. When she noticed Dottie coming to kneel next to her, she quickly hid the paper she was holding in her cardigan pocket. They didn’t know each other very well yet, were friendly at best, but Dottie knew that Nancy didn’t have many friends in school. She was highly regarded as a good student, on track to being the valedictorian with a bright future ahead but she could be a bit of a loner when she wasn’t being followed around by Fred Benson or another newspaper club member.

Nancy often chose to spend most of her time in the library studying or working on something for The Weekly Streak, building her journalism portfolio to parade around in search of internships when she left Hawkins for college in Boston. Dottie wasn’t one to gossip with anyone that wasn’t named Gareth Coleman, but Fred liked to talk. On one occasion when the junior was assisting Dottie with an urgent task, he’d babbled on and on about Nancy, her late friend Barb, the fact that she’d been considered Hawkins royalty for a period of time while she dated some popular guy who was captain of the swimming team, and how she’d dumped him rather publicly at a Halloween party and gotten together with known weirdo Jonathan Byers. She tried to steer Fred away from the topic at the time, but he was undeterred: it was clear the boy held some sort of candle for the pretty senior, and who was Dottie to tell him to snuff it out? She’d only known them for less than a month. Still, with the knowledge that Nancy was a bit of an outcast after the tragic death of her best friend, and coupled with the fact that she was Mike’s sister, Dottie couldn’t pretend like she hadn’t seen her distress.

“You okay?” she asked, giving her editor-in-chief enough room to answer however she wanted.

“Yeah, it’s… it’s nothing,” Nancy rolled her shiny blue eyes, waving a hand around. “Everything’s fine.”

“I was dropping by to leave these for Fred,” Dottie explained, showing her the stack of papers she was holding. “Is he okay?”

“Yes, he was just complaining about a headache. Nothing serious.”

“Good, okay. I’ll leave this on his station and we can go get a soda. Would that be alright?”

“You want to get a soda with me?” Nancy said, a soft smile gracing her lips.

“Of course! We can share M&Ms if you want too. I’ve known you for a month and all I know about you is that you’re going to Emerson and that Dustin thinks you’re a badass.”

“He called me badass?” she laughed, getting to her feet and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“God, the kid loves you. Mike says he had a crush on you when they were younger.”

“Ugh, he did,” Nancy said, remembering the moment fondly. “Dustin is probably my favorite out of all my brother’s friends.”

“He’s so nice. His Mom did a great job with him.”

“Have you met Claudia? She’s quite the character,” she confided as the two girls climbed up the stairs and headed into the empty hallways side by side.

Nancy was funny. That was something Dottie hadn’t been expecting. She was polite and reserved, yes, but funny in the way people who notice things others don’t are. She carried their conversation well, asked Dottie questions to get to know her better while she answered the ones directed at her with ease. Her favorite color was pink, she liked all her classes except Math, was really excited about the release of Top Gun and was going to go see it with her Mom, Karen. She preferred Sprite to Coca-Cola, and in her opinion, the best M&Ms were the red ones, even though they all tasted the same. They sat on a bench just outside the cafeteria and talked about trivial things until they ran out of topics to explore.

“I wish we would have done this earlier,” Dottie said, popping a green candy into her mouth. “You’re really cool, Nance.”

“Thanks,” she said, chuckling shyly. “I think you might be collecting Wheeler siblings at this point. Should I let my Mom know you’re available to babysit Holly?”

“I actually have a lot of experience with babysitting. Give me until finals are done and if you need me, I’m there.”

“Speaking of babysitting, Mike mentioned you’re tutoring Eddie Munson.”

“I’m not really tutoring him, just… helping him keep his focus. We’re good friends.”

“I know. Mike,” Nancy said, like that explained everything and it actually did. “Actually, he… he mentioned you gave him advice a few times. About his girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I remember. Why are teenage boys so scared of their own feelings?”

“Tell me about it,” she scoffed, but immediately turned shy and rigid. “Could you… would it be okay if I asked you for advice too? It’s just- you are impartial in this situation and I think that’s what I need right now.”

“Sure, how can I help?” Dottie turned to her.

Nancy explained that she’d gotten a letter from her boyfriend, Jonathan. Ex-boyfriend, actually, but neither of them were good at the ex part. They had had a big argument over the phone after Spring break when post California-visit, Mike had accidentally let it slip that Jonathan didn’t want to go to Emerson with Nancy and had chosen community school instead. She hadn’t been upset about him changing his plans, but it definitely had hurt to know he’d been lying to her all this time, telling her he’d applied when he hadn’t, stringing her along for months on end. Dottie listened to Nancy retelling how she’d broken up with him, worried about if there were maybe other things he’d been hiding from her, and how Jonathan hadn’t tried to argue back once. He’d called two weeks later from a payphone outside the pizza parlor his new best friend worked at, high off his mind, crying and begging for her to take him back. Nancy had firmly said no, but that she was willing to talk more when he wasn’t on drugs.

This had happened mid-April, and Jonathan hadn’t called since. Instead, a letter addressed to Nancy had arrived that same Friday - four full pages of him not exactly asking for forgiveness, but explaining his reasoning in regards to his lies. Nancy didn’t share all the details, but the essential part was that as the eldest son of a single parent, he felt a sense of duty towards his siblings and didn’t want to move away so soon after they started high school in a new town where they had virtually to no friends and were getting bullied just for daring to exist. She did mention that his new sister Jane, Mike’s girlfriend, was still dealing with the loss of her adoptive father, so that situation on top of the move wasn’t helping in the slightest.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Nancy said, at the end of her long monologue. “If he’d told me all of this before, I would have understood him. He’s right, they are all having a hard time but did he have to lie about it for an entire year?”

“I think both sides are valid,” Dottie said, offering her the last candy in the package. “He’s not wrong for wanting to help his Mom and his siblings out, but he went about it in a really shitty way and you’re allowed to feel betrayed by it.”

“Am I?”

“Yes! Nancy, he lied to you! It was with the best of intentions, but he still lied. If you feel like that’s a hard limit in your relationship, you should tell him that, and he should respect it. And you. He should always respect you.”

“He does, he’s… I love him.”

“You can love someone and be upset with them at the same time. Just tell him how you feel instead of avoiding each other because you don’t want to get into a fight. Trust your instincts on this one.”

“You’re right. I’m gonna call him this weekend, and if we’re done, we’re done, but at least we handled it like adults.”

“That’s the spirit!” Dottie cheered her on. “Everything will turn out okay, I have faith in you both.”

“Thank you,” Nancy said, smiling. “I really needed the pep talk.”

“Anytime. I gotta run now, but I liked hanging out with you.”

“Me too. It’s been a while since I’ve done the whole… girl talk thing.”

“Can’t imagine Mike being into that, no,” Dottie said, and Nancy laughed. “See you on Monday?”

“Yes. Monday. Good luck with Hellfire!”

“Good luck with Jonathan. Fight for your love, girl!” she declared dramatically while she sped away.

Nancy watched her go with a curious smile on her face. She’d have to keep an eye on Dorothy Burke from now on, but that could wait. It was Friday, Fred might be down for the count, and she had a newspaper edition to perfect before Monday morning.

Dottie had been to Family Video only twice since moving to Hawkins, once with her Dad and once with the boys, both times during a weekend. When Donny pulled into the parking lot that Friday night after Hellfire, she was fully expecting to see the same greasy dude that smelled like Cheetos she’d seen the last two times but saw instead a pretty tall girl that had her eyes glued to a black and white movie playing on the overhead TV. Gareth immediately ran to the horror section in search for the first part of their double feature, and Dottie approached the girl timidly while Donny smoked outside, waiting for Eddie and Jeff to arrive with warm pizza and fresh ice cream.

“Hi, welcome to Family Video, how can I help you?” the taller girl smiled with tired eyes, the kind you only got if you worked retail.

“Hi! I wanted to rent The Rocky Horror Picture Show if you have it?”

“Yeah, of course, follow me,” she said, lifting the counter and guiding her towards the Musicals section. Another boy was restocking shelves labeled as Comedy next to them.

“Hi there,” he said, waving a VHS case in the air.

“Hi,” Dottie said and turned to where the girl was moving movies around, a frown on her face. “Did someone else beat me to it?”

“No, no, I know it’s here… Just can’t figure out where I put it.”

“What are you looking for?” the boy said, coming to stand above the girl, craning his neck to see the stands.

“The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The cover’s a mouth with red lips.”

“Oh, yeah, I moved it to the Horror section,” he said, brows bunching in the middle.

“Why did you move it? It’s a musical, dingus.”

“How would I know? It says horror in the title!”

“God, you’re hopeless,” the girl shook her head, and Dottie snorted at their antics.

They bickered all the way to the Horror section, Gareth looking up with a confused expression at the scene in front of him. The tall girl moved around him with ease, finding instantly what she was looking for.

“Here you go, sorry about that,” she said, giving the VHS to Dottie.

“You picked a horror movie?” Gareth asked.

“No, it’s a musical.”

“We’re not watching a musical.”

“Why not? It’s really fun, it’s about-”

“Dot, we’re not watching lovey-dovey bullshit on movie night. Come on, pick something else.”

“No!” Dottie put her foot down. “Eddie said we both got one pick and we couldn’t complain about what the other person chose. Jeff hasn’t seen Rocky Horror and I want him to know where Hot Patootie comes from if he’s gonna be singing it for me every week!”

“It’s from a musical? Eddie said it was a Meatloaf song!”

“It is!” the tall girl interrupted with a bright smile. “Meatloaf plays Eddie in it, it’s his only song in the whole movie but it’s a classic.”

“You’ve seen it?” Dottie asked, eyes lighting up at the discovery of a kindred spirit.

“Y-yeah, it’s really good. I love how it constantly breaks the fourth wall, I mean, talking to the audience through a narrator must be one of the most well known resources in theater but it must be so fun to experience in the stage show-”

“Oh my god, yes!” Dottie interrupted her, turning her entire body to face her newest friend. “The stage show is so cool, I saw it twice at, like, the shittiest community theater ever but they killed it every single time. The material is just so good!”

“You saw it live? Where?”

“New York, I used to live there.”

“That’s so cool,” the girl said, her eyes wide.

“Okay, so maybe you two can have your own movie night and watch your girly musical together,” Gareth said, getting back to the topic. “-but we’re not gonna watch that tonight. Birthdays are for horror movies.”

“It says horror in the title, dude,” the other boy said, making Dottie chuckle. Gareth looked at her like she was betraying him.

“Come on, it’s really not bad. You’re gonna like it, I promise. There’s… there’s sex and boobies in it!”

A tense silence spread through Family Video, Dottie painfully aware that she had said something extremely weird in front of people she didn’t know. It was okay that she was using the tantalizing idea of breasts to lure Gareth into saying yes to her movie choice, but she didn’t need to make it so damn obvious she was excited about the prospect of seeing them too. The taller girl was staring at her with a wild blush spreading from her chest up to her ears, but perhaps the other boy’s reactions were much more disconcerting. He lifted his eyebrows in surprise, stared at the back of his friend’s head, and then turned to Dottie with a huge grin on his face.

“If you don’t rent this movie, I will. We’re definitely watching it tonight, right, Rob?” he said, and the girl began giggling, her face in her hands.

“You’re such an idiot, Steve,” she gritted out through her laughter.

“Really, man, you’re a dumbass if you miss some boobs because you don’t wanna watch a musical with friends.”

“You’re gonna like it, G, I swear. It was made for the freaks,” Dottie insisted, sharing a grateful smile with the boy who was now known as Steve.

“Ugh, okay, fine! But if you’re picking a dumb musical, I can pick whatever I want and you can’t say no because you’re scared.”

“Those were the rules, we don’t complain about each other’s picks.”

“Not even if I pick The Exorcist?”

“Well… No, it’s- it’s okay. You can pick whatever you want,” she said, but looked very daunted by the idea.

“You sure?”

“She said yes, man,” Steve said, putting his hands on his hips like a suburban dad. “Are you gonna rent these two or do you want one more? You can rent up to three every time.”

“Two’s okay, thank you, Steve,” Dottie said, grabbing The Exorcist off the shelf and taking both VHS cases to the counter.

The four of them moved to the main area and Steve busied himself checking them out, asking Gareth for his information to enter into the computer. Dottie was distracted while she looked at the small selection of candy they offered, the tall girl following her movement with her eyes. She knew she’d seen her before, probably at school but who was she? She mentioned she lived in New York…

“You’re Dorothy, right?” she said suddenly.

“How did you know?”

“People used to talk about you a lot back in January. Then you kinda dropped off everyone’s radar.”

“Yeah,” she grimaced. “Kinda joined the outcasts so…”

“I’m in band, I get it.”

“What do you play?”

“Trumpet. Been playing for twelve years.”

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Dottie said, thinking that she hadn’t done anything in her life with that kind of consistency. “It’s really nice to meet you, Robin.”

“Wha- oh. Oh! My tag!” Robin laughed at herself, looking down at the pins on her vest. “You know, I heard there’s a place in Indy where they do Rocky Horror showings once a month if you ever want to go. I don’t drive b-but I bet Steve can take us.”

“That sounds great, yeah! Is he cool with, y’know, nudity and stuff?”

“Oh, yeah. Absolutely! He doesn’t mind. He’s cool. Yeah, Steve’s… really cool.”

“Aw, you actually love me,” Steve said, giving away the fact that he’d been eavesdropping, and Robin hit him with a magazine.

“You two are really cute,” Dottie said, smiling at them. “How long have you been together?”

“We’re not-”

“Ew, that’s not-”

“We’re friends,” said Steve.

“Best friends,” added Robin.

“Strictly platonic.”

“With a capital P.”

“Oh. Well, I guess retail bonds you forever,” Dottie laughed, and Steve chuckled.

“You have no idea,” he said, looking over at Robin with a knowing expression.

“Okay, can you stop flirting with King Steve now? You’re grossing me out,” Gareth deadpanned, making Dottie frown.

“I’m not- I’m sorry, I wasn’t-”

“It’s cool. We’re all friends here,” Steve said. “Enjoy your movie night!”

“Thank you, bye! Bye, Robin,” she waved at the girl, who waved back before Dottie grabbed Gareth’s arm and pulled him towards the door. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Ow, you’re hurting me,” Gareth said, when she shoved him outside, Donny holding the door open for them.

“Don’t know what you did, but you probably deserved it,” he said, letting the door close behind them, muffling their voices from inside the store.

Steve and Robin watched them get into Donny’s car and pull out behind a beat up brown Chevy van, both vehicles disappearing down the road together. When the tail lights were no longer able to be seen, they turned to each other with curious expressions.

“Was she-” Robin asked.

“I think she was, yeah.”

“Huh.”

“What did I tell you?” Steve said, going back to where he had been restocking before all the commotion. “Boobies.”

“Stop saying boobies!”

When Dottie asked to sit next to him to watch The Exorcist, Eddie imagined a scenario where she’d be a little bit scared and seek him out for comfort. After all, cuddling on a couch wasn’t something they’d never done before, blurring the line between friendly touches and something more every day that went by. She suggested eating first, putting the movie in later, and no one complained about the request, eager to stuff their faces after a long day of school and extracurriculars on top. Jeff’s basement was a cozy hangout spot with a door that led to a side entrance, perfect for sneaking out for a smoke between his mother’s carefully manicured rose bushes. The tan carpet and wooden walls were welcoming, if not slightly tacky, and the space had been filled in with a big couch and two armchairs, a huge TV where Jeff’s dad liked to watch football, and a great sound system that had probably been top-of-the-line ten years prior. They gotten their fill of cheese and soda, Whitesnake and Black Sabbath playing in the background, and then retreated to their seats for the movie: Eddie, Dottie, and Jeff on the couch, Donny to Jeff’s left as far away from the TV as he could sit, and Gareth on the remaining Lay-Z-Boy to Eddie’s right, bowl of popcorn for himself on his lap.

As soon as the movie started, it was clear Eddie’s expectations had been sorely mistaken. Dottie started stiff as a board between the two boys, slowly sinking into the couch as the minutes ticked, head hidden behind her knees. Jeff had a bit of success in getting her to relax when he attempted to tell her every time it was safe to look up, but after a miscalculation of the length of a scene involving various medical procedures, her eyes never went beyond the coffee table again. Gareth and Donny’s constant commentary helped ease the uncomfortable air in the room, but it was clear to Eddie that Dottie was not enjoying this situation one bit. Forgoing any ideas of romance, he pulled her into his side, letting her bury her head into his shirt as she tried to ignore the sounds coming from the TV while Regan thrashed on a hospital bed calling for her mother.

Donny looked at Eddie pointedly during a quiet moment, but he pretended not to see it, choosing instead to rub big circles on Dottie’s back in an attempt to calm down her heart rate, beating wildly against the side of his chest like it was trying to get out of her body. Progressively through the 122 minutes that the movie lasted, she pressed more and more of herself against Eddie trying to shield herself from the horrors on the screen, and truthfully, if he hadn’t been so distracted trying to comfort her, he would have been terrified too. By the time Regan was gilding down the stairs on all fours, Jeff was covering half his face with a decorative pillow. When she began hurting herself with a crucifix, even Donny who had been somewhat unaffected until that moment let out a perturbed “Jesus Christ”. By the time the actual exorcism had began, Donny looked like he desperately needed a cig, Jeff was threatening to throw up if Regan threw up again, and Dottie was shaking so much that Eddie straight up manhandled her into his lap like a child and covered the ear that wasn’t pressed up against his chest with his own hand. Credits rolled, and Gareth was the only one that moved out of his chair to stretch and turn on the lights, face pallid when he saw the angry faces of his friends.

“Uh…”

“Are you fucking serious, Gareth?” Donny said in disbelief, knees cracking with the sudden movement of standing up after two hours. “That shit was so fucked up!”

“Please don’t fight,” Jeff said tiredly, letting his pillow drop to the floor.

“Oh, I’m fighting,” Donny doubled down. “Look at Dot! You know she hates horror movies and you get this one? Couldn’t you get fucking Gremlins instead?”

“It’s not that scary, it’s so obvious everything’s totally fake! You can see the tube stuck to her head when she throws up!”

“That was so fucking gross,” Jeff added, still looking a little green himself.

“It’s okay-” Dottie began, wiping under her eyes with the sleeve of her red cardigan, but Donny interrupted her again.

“This is what you were giving her shit for in the video store?”

“Okay, shit- I get it. I fucked up,” Gareth lifted his hands. “I honestly didn’t think it was that scary the first time I saw it.”

“Man, you need to see a shrink if that shit didn’t scare you,” Eddie said, no longer all cozied up to Dottie, but still keeping one arm around her for support.

“I’m sorry,” Gareth looked at Dot, who was the most affected out of his friends. “Didn’t mean to make you feel like ass for two hours. I thought we’d have fun with it.”

“You’re mean, and I hate you, but it’s okay,” she said, grumpily pouting but lifting her arms to ask him for a hug which he immediately gave her. “Just don’t do it again. And you have to go with me to the bathroom now because I’m gonna pee myself and I don’t wanna be in there alone.”

“I’ll hold your hand while you pee, you big wuss.”

Gareth and Dottie climbed up the stairs, him cracking the stupidest jokes to get her to relax while Jeff busied himself going to grab the ice cream so everyone could cool down before the second movie. Donny got his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and nodded at Eddie to follow him outside. They pressed their backs to the cold brick, the lights spilling out from the glass panel on the door illuminating their faces with warm yellow tones. They smoked for a few minutes in silence, looking out onto the fenced-in backyard.

“That shit was wild,” Donny said. "Can't believe they made a twelve-year-old pretend to stab her own pussy with a fucking cross."

"You think that actress was really 12?" Eddie mused.

"Well, she looked like it."

"Yeah, but... maybe she was like 16 and just looks really small? Dunno, but that was crazy. Was she really telling that priest to fuck that other priest?"

"Yeah," Donny chuckled, throwing a bit of ash to the ground. "Saw you, by the way."

"Saw me?"

"You two. Dottie sitting on your lap."

"Oh, fuck off," Eddie scoffed.

"I'm not saying anything weird was happening. Just that I saw you."

"She was terrified, man. Never seen her shake like that, and I've seen her scared before," the eldest said, bitterly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm telling you, I could feel her fucking heartbeat and that shit didn’t feel healthy. She's gonna sleep with her lights on for a week."

"Shit. Didn't realize it was that bad or I would have said something. Honestly thought she was playing it up a little bit, getting cozy with you."

"Nah, she's not like that."

"How do you know?" Eddie shrugged, and Donny narrowed his eyes. "What's been going with you two lately? You're like, attached at the hip."

Eddie took his time to answer, letting the smoke in his lungs leave his body slowly, savoring the peace and quiet of the Friday night. Donny had been his first friend in the group, and if anyone deserved honesty after showing him so much loyalty, it was him. Maybe he'd have valuable insight to share with him in return.

"I'm whipped, Don. That's what's going on," Eddie said.

"Tell me something I don't know, dude."

"Is it that obvious?"

"To me, yes. I don't think the others have noticed yet."

"Yeah, well, it's bad. Like really, really bad. Like I'm one more pout away from dropping on one knee and asking her to be the new Mrs. Munson bad."

"Jesus."

"Yup."

"So it's not just a crush? Are you, like, seriously in love with her?"

"I'm gonna go to prom and wear a tie for her. Take a wild fucking guess."

Donny stared at Eddie for a few seconds before smiling and shaking his head. The long haired boy lifted an eyebrow, questioning.

"Why haven't you asked her out yet?"

"I don't deserve her."

"Ed-"

"I just don't want to drag her down, y'know? She has all these plans, she’s gonna go to college, do cool stuff. I want to ask her when I have something real to offer. After graduation, once I get a job."

"Eddie, has it ever occurred to you that she really fucking likes you right now? You know, without all that extra shit?"

"I know she does."

"You do?" Donny looked at him like he'd grown two heads.

"I'm stupid, not blind. Dunno when she started to like me but yeah, I know she does."

"When did you figure it out?"

"We spent Mother's Day together."

"Oh."

"That's when I realized, damn, she must really like me to spend such a big day like this with me. And then her Dad gave me a manly talk so I just kinda put two and two together."

"Does she know you know?"

"I don't know if she even knows herself. She was telling me the other day that it's stupid boys and girls can't be friends without people reading too much into it. Maybe she’s in denial. I was.

“You were?”

“For like two days, yeah,” Eddie admitted.

"I'll ask Gareth about it. I bet he knows."

"You think?"

"They act like siblings all the time, if someone knows, it's him," Donny assured him, putting his cig out against the brick wall. "Hurry up though, she might get tired of waiting."

"Just a couple more weeks. Until I know if I graduate or not. It's the bare fucking minimum but she deserves it."

"Alright. I'm rooting for you, man. Go make me proud."

"Thanks, dude."

They returned to the basement after their smoke break, Donny giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder when they saw Dottie and Jeff back on the couch, heads together over a big tub of vanilla ice cream. Gareth was sitting on the floor in front of them scooping chocolate into a bowl that already had strawberry and vanilla in it. She was explaining the basics of the movie they were about to watch, warning them that things weren’t what they seemed and that it was about to get weird. Jeff looked terribly excited about the prospect of some lighthearted fun, and whatever talk Gareth and Dottie had had while they were in the bathroom (he’d apologized again while he stood in a corner, back to her and his eyes closed for good measure while she peed) had left him equally curious. The boy heard the words “boobs” and “murder” and decided he was all in for the experience.

Once everyone was back in their seats and had a cold treat in their hands to enjoy during the movie, lights went off and bright red lips filled the screen. Michael Rennie was ill the day the Earth stood still, but he told us… where we stand, Dottie mouthed following the lyrics, spoon resting on her lower lip. It was a complete 180 from the previous feature, her eyes now glued to the moving images, only rousing from her hypnosis to fill her spoon with more ice cream when Jeff prompted her to do so. She encouraged the boys to participate, instructing them to say “Janet” or “Oh, Brad” in a bored tone along with Riff Raff and Magenta during Dammit Janet or teaching them the steps to The Time Warp. Donny and Jeff, ever the performers, immediately jumped to action when Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul began, and Eddie twirled Dottie around proving himself to be quite the capable dancer when he put effort into it. Even Gareth got into the festivities when the pickaxe came out.

“Okay, that was awesome,” Jeff said while the credits were still rolling. “Didn’t know musicals could be, y’know, not Grease.”

“Take that back, Grease is legit,” Donny threatened him with his spoon.

“Less boobs than I was promised but still pretty good,” laughed Gareth, and Dottie chucked a pillow at his head.

“Looks like movie night is a success all thanks to Dot,” Eddie said, grinning at the girl that couldn’t sing for shit, but still knew all the lyrics to every beat of the musical. “Gareth, you’re banned from picking movies for a month.”

“I’ll take it,” he shrugged.

“Are there more musicals like this?” Jeff asked, and Eddie could see Dottie’s eyes glinting in the darkness.

“Well, there’s one about a demon barber…”

Eddie’s 20th birthday had been nothing like he was used to, but as he sat in Jeff’s brown-looking basement, his crush resting her weight against his shoulder as she animatedly explained to their friends the plot of Sweeney Tood: The Demon Barber of Fleet… Street, his spoon full of strawberry ice cream, and a pre-rolled joint in his backpack they were definitely going to sneakily smoke in the back of his van at some point during the night, he felt truly lucky for the first time in years. Everything was going to change for them in a few weeks, but Eddie really hoped that his 21st birthday would be as happy, if not more, as his 20th had been.

taglist (comment below or shoot me a dm if you want to be added!): @munsonology @kurdtbean

[youtastelike-sunlight]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, and 25 for the tattoo asks! Thanks! 🤪✌️

Katey for the love of god just tell me you want a video call where I strip down and show off my ink 🤣

(Also, the number of times I checked this list absolutely convinced you would have skipped ONE for the lulz)

1. How many tattoos do you have?

Uh. Somewhere around 35-ish? There's been a lot of, like, building out on existing ones and making them cohesive, so it's really hard to say. 40-50 sessions in the chair, for sure.

2. What is your favourite tattoo you've gotten?

Stop asking pansexual ADHDers to pick favourites. Actually, speaking of, that joke on Dropout's Breaking News a few weeks ago about how Dropout fans are "pansexual nerds with drama mask tattoos and anxiety disorders" called me the fuck out, four for four baby, so maybe right now it's my drama masks with a Shakespeare quote 😅

3. What is the most meaningful tattoo you've gotten?

Any of the multiple memorial tattoos for deceased family members, or the matching tattoo I got with my spouse after our wedding

4. What is your dream tattoo?

I'm hoping to get something cool on my chest post-top surgery, but that's a long-ass way away yet.

5. What was the most painful tattoo?

I fully used numbing cream when I got my inner thigh tattooed, but I missed a spot. Ask me how I realised.

Also my knuckles, jfc. Fully cussed my tattoo guy out for that one, it was his idea to extend the design down to cover a couple of knuckles in the first place lmfao.

6. What was your first ever tattoo and how old were you when you got it?

My uncle's initials after he died when I was 17. I had this deal with my mum that I could get all the facial piercings I wanted, dye my hair all the batshit colours I wanted, as long as I didn't get a tattoo until I turned 18. And I'm grateful for that, because I wanted some tacky-ass shit at 15-16. But we negotiated for the one at 17, which there was little to no chance of me regretting.

7. What is your most recent tattoo?

An envelope with a piece of paper coming out of it that says "wish you were queer xo" for a flash day fundraiser for RainbowYOUTH.

8. What does your family think about your tattoos?

My mum is fucking petrified of needles, so her objection isn't to the permanent ink on my skin so much as willingly subjecting myself to being stabbed lmao. I hid them from my paternal grandparents until my wedding day and then said 'fuck it they can't yell at me today!' and they have never, ever mentioned them since. My maternal grandmother hated my first few, offered to pay to get them laser removed when I was at about 4 or 5, then begrudgingly acknowledged that some of them weren't terrible, and when she went into hospice in 2017 she gave me a list of the sorts of things she wanted included in her memorial tattoo 🤣

9. What meaning do your tattoos have?

Everything from very personal connections/memories/experiences in the memorial tattoos down to "I rolled three dice and got three words and the artist designed something based on that and slapped it on my body", and everything in between.

10. How many tattoos do you want?

As many as I have good ideas.

11. Where is the most painful place you've been tattooed?

Is this a different question to #5?

I will say - back of calf tattoos are surprisingly difficult. Not the MOST painful place, but probably the longest I've been really genuinely uncomfortable? (Though, again, sans numbing cream on my inner thigh this would be a VERY different convo)

12. Where is a place on your body that you will NEVER get tattooed?

I dunno... butthole? Eyeball?

I'm unlikely to do a face tattoo, but who knows, really.

13. What is a design you love on others but would never get for yourself?

I can't think of a specific design!

14. What is your favourite style of tattoo?

New School, for sure. Though I have a bit of nearly everything 🤣

15. Would you trust a friend to choose the design of your tattoo?

Depends on the friend. Katey, you will not be designing a Fiona/Dragon tattoo for me, soz.

16. What are some tattoo assumptions you think need to die?

That having ever gotten a tattoo in the past means you have a ton of disposable income now (the amount of "omg they're on a benefit but they have tattoos" I've heard from dipshits how the fuck do you think tattoos work?????), that it's not a valid and fucking impressive form of artwork.

17. Do you have one tattoo artist who does all of your art or a stand out tattoo artist? Hype them up!

These days I do! Only since I moved back to my current city in 2017, though, so a lot of my older stuff is by other artists. His name's Steve, he's a fucking delight, every day I'm in his chair is a fucking party. When my grandad died I just booked him out for the day and chatted to him about my grandad for the morning until inspo struck him and then he turned his iPad around with the loveliest design on it.

18. Is there any artist you would love to get work done by? Tell us about them!

There are lots of incredible artists out there, but I don't think I have, like, one bucket list person.

19. What is your worst tattoo experience?

I had an apprentice go too deep on my pansexual tattoo and I still have a bit of raised scar tissue there lmao

20. What has been your best tattoo experience?

Getting my grandmother's memorial tattoo designed and tattooed. Per #8 I went in with a bit of a chaotic list and what the artist put together was just fucking stunning. It's my whole upper arm and every single element of it has really personal meaning.

21. Do you have any matching tattoos with people?

Yep! My spouse and I got matching Doctor Who tattoos after our wedding. I'm a DW fan of old, got my spouse into the show after we got together, and we had a reference in our ceremony but without discussing it, we'd both put references in our individual vows as well lmao.

I also have a few like... standard tattoos, for lack of a better word? As well as a few flash sheet designs. So I definitely have matching tattoos with strangers 🤣

22. What is your opinion on face tattoos?

Follow your bliss, babes, but you know the society we live in and you're accepting the potential bullshit. (I have hand tattoos!! I'm not saying it's RIGHT I'm saying it IS.)

23. Do you think tattoos make people look less professional?

No, but I know people think they do. Where's that tweet about how tattoos make you perfect for corporate culture because it shows you can sit through the most painful bullshit and that's every corporate meeting ever?

24. Post a picture of your favourite tattoo.

It me, the Dropout fan.

25. Give us a tattoo tour!

Katey I will absolutely get booted off tumblr if I do that.

[tattoo asks... except katey's already asked them all so]

[aroaceconfessions]

Reading aspec experiences (or even experiences of straights with aspecs, in fewer cases) I think I really "lucked out" with mine

[It's a bit long, sorry]

I never felt anything (romantic or sexual, maybe not even platonic) and didn't think it weird at all. I lived the first 20 years of my life thinking I was your average straight and that if someone ever caught my eye we'd find each other and everything would be, y'know, very average and "normal". I was very much like "eh, I'll get it on my way to my actual goals", like ticking it off a list, but not going out of my way to get it done.

I was never pressured into relationships, not by family or by peers - at least not beyond "oh, you like hanging out with [male friend]? Are you toGetHeR??" in middle school. It actually stopped in high school, maybe because I was also hanging out with [female friend] then. Maybe when I get older I'll receive more pressure from my family, but for now it's basically non-existent. I also never had the need to get into a relationship if I didn't feel like it, so no internal pressure.

I don't remember where I first saw the term "asexual". I just realized it clicked like... a bit more than one year ago. I'm pretty sure I told this to another male friend of mine (who, according to my mom, was cautiously "testing the waters" to see if he could propose a romantic relationship with me???). I do remember explaining to him the term "asexual". I think his reaction was just a "huh". And that was that lol

It took until I finally watched Jaiden's aroace video to realize I was aromantic on top of asexual. I confused one instance of interest towards a boy on a study trip as a crush, so that was a thing that confused me a bit. Although I was pretty much at peace with the "new" label already. I went "oh, that explains a lot. neat. I'm aromantic, then".

Now I'm questioning if I'm aplatonic too, which I'm facing with almost the same nonchalance - I just worry about having to keep in contact with friends, because I kinda suck at it, but if I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the same space with the same people it's not really an issue.

(Yeah I'm the one who submitted that confession ask on 3rd March, I'm glad it directed others towards discovering aplatonicism. I'm not neurodivergent as far as I know, but I do consider myself an introvert. Maybe that contributes to what might be aplatonicism. Again, I'm also questioning lmao)

When I read about others' struggles, I really just want to hug all of you. I haven't experienced enough to really offer advice.

I've never experienced heartbreak or unhappy relationships or feeling forced to change for a partner, or family, or close friends. The people I've befriended (over a long time of more-or-less forced proximity because of school) were never "sex-crazy", or obsessed with their partners (if any), or told crude sex jokes, or spouted thinly-veiled aphobia. I've never felt anything, so there wasn't much of a struggle to find more specific labels to put my experience into words.

I just feel lucky. Perhaps undeservingly so. If you've also had a more "chill" discovery of yourself, I'm happy for you <3 If you haven't, know that my arms are open for a hug anytime, and I hope it will get better for you too <3 <3

Submitted March 17, 2023

[hedwig221b]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thank you for tagging me @thotpuppy! I'm reading everybody's answers, it's so fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

46. Though only 14 of them in English.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

582,115 holy shit

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Teen Wolf. I've translated for Sherlock before, though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Happiest of All (Sterek, Explicit, 32,5k, ER, Angst, Miscommunication, Stiles runs away from Derek thinking it's for the best. He's wrong) 2. Untouchable (Sterek, Explicit, 17,1k, ABO, Univesity!AU, Courting, Stiles is the new hot omega, bad boy!Derek is the only one allowed to get close) 3. Safe (Sterek, Not Rated, 974, ER, TW Movie Fix-it.) 4. Wait For Me (Sterek, Mature, 64,6k, Spark!Stiles, Cursed sterek, very soft and desperate, forever love) 5. Treasure (Sterek, Explicit, 71,2k, Historical AU, Courting, Heavy Angst, Derek saves Stiles and baby Eli from gold-digging suitors in the most feral and tender way possible)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I answer each and every one, except for emojis. I also stopped responding to comments on Safe because it exploded so quickly and there was an avalanche of comments and I got anxious and I'm still overwhelmed SORRY

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I cannot decide between Wait For Me and Treasure. In both Stiles loses people, willingly or not, and it's devastating that this is something he will have to live with. But both have happy endings, don't worry.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Lmao, it's pwp Devoured (Sterek, Explicit, 5,2k, Sex God!Derek, Human Sacrifice!Stiles). I mean, Stiles is getting fucked by Derek in front of the dozens of deities, and everyone is jealous of them.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, people have been very nice to me. Some people don't like how soft my Stiles is but it's whatever. However, I anticipate the hate from a certain character defense squad for the fic that's coming out in November. I hope they'll never find it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep. It's porn with feelings. And they MUST hold hands. Stiles moans and whimpers and Derek has a filthy mouth. Both are feral sluts for each other. Also monsterfucking. It's Derek Hale's fault, don't look at me, look at his tiddies

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, and, please, don't start

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. Though, I, myself, translated a lot of fics. It's a unique and wonderful experience. I don't think authors realize how deep into their heads we crawl, how we dissect every paragraph, every sentence, how much we immerse ourselves to convey what the author was trying to say. Some fics I banged my head over, they were so hard to translate. Others were so easy and wonderful, it was a joy to work with them. Yes, the last one was Waiting by isthatbloodonhisshirt. I fucking loved working on it so much.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I don't see myself doing so.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

STEREK

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Listen. Mutual pining!Sterek, established!Cordia. In order to save the pack from the Monster of the Week, Stiles and Lydia have to work together to defeat it, and they cannot tell anybody what they're doing bc the pack will die if they do. Naturally, the cheating rumors start. Cora is furious, Derek is devastated. Stiles and Lydia see how much it hurts their loved ones, but they would rather have them heartbroken than dead. Only when Stiles kisses Derek goodbye before going to die for his pack, do they realize that something's amiss. It's so angsty and so epic and I've had this idea for over a year.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Purple prose. Conveying emotions. ANGST. I will make it my life mission to make my readers cry.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes (including smut because sex is an action scene). Sentences have to be quick, short, with lots of verbs and not a lot of time for emotions. I am not made for that! I try, though, I'm learning, HOLD ON. I also take a long time preparing for super emotional scenes, I just sit there and stare at the monitor and breathe anxiously.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not a full dialogue, but small words like endearments HELL YES! I had an absolute blast with Treasure, having Stiles call Eli cute pet names in Polish. I feel somewhat comfortable with including Polish, bc my native language has the same/similar roots (?), so I understand when the Google Translate is spewing bullshit at me. I'd love Derek to speak more Spanish, but I know that GT is shit, so I have to stay away. Believe me, I know what it's like to read something in your native language and cringe bc of how wrong it is.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sigh. Sherlock. I translated a fic and it ended up being an overnight hit and it's still the most popular Johnlock fic I've ever translated. The first fic I wrote myself was for Teen Wolf, Sterek. I would probably die from cringe if I looked at it now.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Treasure MY BABY MY LOVE MY FAVORITE CHILD ugh I'm so proud of it, of Stiles, of Eli and Derek in it. It's incredibly raw. I'm also currently writing a fic that's going to come very close to being my favourite. Maybe, even surpass Treasure. But now, I can say with all my heart that Treasure is my best work. Second is The Happiest of All.

This has been insightful and fun. Not tagging anyone, feeling shy, if you want you can steal the questions (hidden below)

20 questions for fic writers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[hangmanbradshaw]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @urmomsonfire and I figured I should keep going with the writing questions today!!! (thanks kale, love u)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 17

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 796,198 (do we think I can crack a million in close to a year we'll see)

3. What fandoms do you write for? I'm still living in Top Gun summer so I'll just be vibing here for a while

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i want to brainwash you into loving me forever (nfl fake dating au)

baby, i'm howlin' for you (wolves & foxes au)

i can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland (rival princes au)

loose lips sink ships all the damn time (pirates au)

Love (Suite Love) (my travlor inspired AU lmao)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to!! I'm really behind right now because I get really sucked into writing (and life, been very busy with my social calendar at the moment) but eventually I'll go through and catch up. Writing like this is for community, ya know? Engagement? Making friends, being crazy together, it's the vibe. (Plus every time a comment notification dings, an idea angel gets its wings lmao it's my fave part- talking to people)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Unhappy ending? Don't know her. I guess you can make my wish come true just cuz it ends with them deciding to kidnap the president and cyclone being like oh my god

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? it's 2am and i'm cursing your name is pretty stupid sweet but also wanna be your left hand man/iwtby left off prettyyyyyyy sweet

8. Do you get hate on fics? Everyone's always been sooooo sweet.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? *glances at my work from the corner of my eye* yes. just yes.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? My mummy fic has actual mummy characters. But I've written a lot of like inspired ones? Some loose, some closer. One based off the Mummy, one that's a mummy/national treasure crossover LMAO, one off Jurassic Park, one off Twister, one off Beauty & the Beast kinda, one off princess & the frog, one kinda princess diaries 2/how to lose a guy BUT I actually have an insane idea I came up with recently that would be a uhhhhhhh crossover I guess........I'm giggling as I think about it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so? I hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? some people have asked! So maybe soon.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope! but I love to riff with other writers. i'm way too particular about my own work to co-write probably tbh

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Hangster currently! prev: buddie, destiel, sharpay/gabriella from hsm (leave me alone lmao).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? if I post I am going to make myself finish but I have some I've never posted that I doubt I'll finish (one's a rivals fake dating destination wedding)

16. What are your writing strengths? I'd say melancholic fluffy humor and banter, others have told me world building and being lowkey emotional

17. What are your writing weaknesses? being concise and angst actually- I struggle with that sometimes

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Amazing when people can do it, but I tend to avoid writing it since I'm not fluent.

19. First fandom you wrote for? High School Musical and then I took a massive break and started with Top Gun again.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I love all my babies for different reasons but IWTBY & That Little Farm are currently my true loves

Tagging anyone who wants to do this, also @paulmezcal as a welcome to tumblr (no pressure you def don't have to do it haha)

[heartfeltletters-written]

20 questions for writers tag game!

tagged by @widebrimmedhatsblog (thank you so much!!)

Total number of AO3 works

Six 

Total AO3 word count

150,968

Fandoms I’ve written in

Empyrean, Harry Potter and One direction

Top 5 fics by kudos

we never knew peace; here at your doorway; the ghost scar; when the flames burned green the dragons danced; between me and louis (this fic is a fever dream I do not remember it lmao)

Do I respond to comments? 

I always do !! or at least i try my best. I absolutely love receiving comments it's my motivation to keep sharing my writing tbh the least I can do is answer my readers !! i reread the comments an obscene amount of times so yeah I always answer

What has the angstiest ending? 

when the flames burned green the dragons danced. i mean it is inspired by blood & cheese of hotd so obviously its very very angsty and sad and just tragic.

What has the happiest ending? 

idk about happy fics, since i haven't finished my big fics but maybe here at your doorway has the happiest ending.

Have I received hate? 

Yes both in HP fandom and in the Empyrean (although I have to say this fandom is much more chill) and it's awful lmao. stopped me from writing for a few months and it was just so ??? because it's always hate about how I handle my characters and my plot and just ... omg go write your own fic then ?? But yeah if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it

Do I write smut? And what kind? 

I have written smut but most of it isn't published lmao. I write all kinds of smut like idk what u mean by that lmao. kinky, soft like idk

Do I write crossovers? 

I haven't written any !!

Have I ever had a fic stolen? 

Nope! and thank god for that

Have I ever had a fic translated?

Nope! My fics are not worthy of a translation lmao

Have I ever co written a fic? 

Yes I have !! but tbh we were both on the verge of sleep when we did it it was like 3am and I remember almost nothing of the process except it was so much fun. 

What is my all time favorite ship? 

According to Ao3 its Daemyra and Riorgail but i will always have a very special place in my heart for both hinny and jily. like those are my first loves fr and what got me into fanfiction

A WIP I’ll never finish?

I have a few thousand words of a riorgail canon divergence au where violet figures out venin are real after reading the note from her dad and confronts xaden about it. i started writing it before iron flame came out but at this point I don't think I'll ever finish it lmao.

Writing strengths? 

I get a lot of comments saying I write trauma responses really well (what does that say about me lmao) and also characterizations which is baffling bc I've always thought that was one of my weaknesses so I'm really happy.

Writing weaknesses?

I really struggle with writing dialogue i overthink it too much sometimes trying really hard to not sound cringy, Sally Rooney has helped a lot with that btw !! and I would also say I sometimes forget what I wrote in previous chapters so it can be hard to follow along some plots I introduced. I think I have the same problem as GRRM I want to create so many storylines and lore that I sometimes lose myself and idk what to do with so much information but oh well

Do I like foreign language dialogue? 

I do! Especially when i speak the language the character is speaking lmao. but one thing that annoys me is pronunciations, like for example hangrid and fleur like omg just write it in English or make her speak french !! but other than that I do love it. i don't think I'll ever write it tho

First fandom I wrote for? 

One direction (i was 15 guys and deep into the larry lore)

Favorite fic I’ve written? 

We never knew peace definitely. That's my baby, i work so hard on it and I think it's coming together much better than I expected. My writing has improved a lot and I think that fic is the prime example of that. I also really like what I've done with both violet and xaden in there.

I'd like to tag: @creative-girl; (and i feel like every other writer i know has done this already so yeah if u haven't feel free to)

[clare-with-no-i]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank youuu @isahorcrux for the tag! it's been so long since I did one of these omigoddddd

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

392k. a bit crazy that the next chapter of theogony will put it over 400k. wauw!!!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

publicly? Harry Potter and Percy Jackson. privately? I have an entire folder on my laptop called 'other shit' which is just one-shots for about fifteen different fandoms which I will never publish <3

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

god. this is really making me look at my statistics page which I actively try not to do lol. but it's one long day, I will carry you, color theory, foreigner's god, and growing pains. what can I say, the ppl love the they lived AUs!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but I'm terrible about it which is a personal failing. I am so sorry. a new strategy that helps with this is that with my WIPs I try to respond right after the next chapter is posted so the person gets a nice lil notif and they have something else to read!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh hmmm. I guess the derelict art of letting go ending was angsty, but the whole thing was angsty. the end was bittersweet. maybe Invictus? ok new problem is I can't remember what I've written

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

foreigner's god! it's always clare why did you write all of that sad stuff into foreigner's god clare why did you write their deaths in such brutal detail clare I made my roommate read this and now she won't stop crying blah blah and it's never hey clare thanks for that nice ending scene where they're just married and lying in bed and vibing!!!!!!!!!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yeah I do and I think under viking law I'm legally permitted to fistfight the commenters!!!!!!!!!!!! step up cowards!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. Do you write smut. If so, what kind?

god. lmao. yes I do! not often, though, I'm afraid. I tend to write an extremely narrow niche which is just exorcising trauma through sex and personal intimacy. I have no chill :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no I actually usually dislike crossovers lol. like theogony is a fusion of the outlander premise but I can assure you that James Alexander Malcom MacKenzie Frasier will not make an appearance. crossovers stress me out and I like to keep my little fictional words separate, if I can. ok edit: on further review I've concluded that I enjoy premise swaps (these are just AUs lol), but I can't deal with characters from multiple pieces of media interacting. it's too much. stay in your lanes, my god. this isn't super smash bros.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not a whole fic but someone basically copy and pasted a bunch of lines from NAR into their story and then a bunch of drama ensued. it sucked and I don't like looking at NAR because it reminds me of it. I still think about the anon who told me about it, though. they were so lovely and so caring and kind to me. I hope they're doing well.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! both with my permission and without. ha ha.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

babes I can't even finish the stories that I'm writing by myself

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

percabeth or zelink! or any doomed/short-lived/five seconds of screen time couple in a tv show or book. seriously idk why but I always fixate on the less important characters

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I renounce this question in the name of christ. amen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I exist not with writing strengths or weaknesses but instead a secret third thing (stupidly recognizable style)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

see above

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I actually have a WIP where James lives in Spain to play quidditch and he speak Spanish in it :) eso me asusta mucho pq no he practicado mi español hace muchos años pero…sea lo que sea

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

percabeth! my ffnet account is still out there somewhere with ~four percabeth stories that are terrible :) just very bad :) no good :) horriblé :)

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

theogony or foreigner's god! or suze's bday fic but that's because I have never tailor-made something for someone quite like that fic and she was so sweet about it eye can't deal

tagging my internet wife @thequibblah bestie...knocking at ur door...standing outside with an edible arrangement...