#I had to block out the URLS as I didn't want followers going to those sites and possibly being tempted and getting scammed

[queermania]

I don't want to start drama and I don't expect you to respond to this but I think you deserve to know what's being said about you. tumblr. com/transfagbenny/738678589192552448/and-id-appreciate-if-we-stopped-using-the-terms

i actually am going to address this because this person has been lying about what's been going on for months and they've apparently been harassing other people for months if not years, so. it's time to put an end to this.

before i start though i want to make it abundantly clear that if you take this as an opportunity to do anything other than block this person, then you are trash. do not send him messages. do not tag him in things. do not harass him in any way. leave him alone. if you need to block, do so and then move on. hate mail and harassment is disgusting behavior and i don't want to be surrounded by anybody who engages in it. and if you do it on my behalf, i think you are worthless and i want nothing to do with you.

so, this is what happened: back in february of 2023, an anon asked me if i had any opinions that would get me canceled with the dean girlies. i replied, "oh now we’re talking!! hmmmm let’s see. i don’t care about benny at all. deanbenny does nothing for me. deanbenny is dust. it is dust. drowley rights forever" and i did not tag it because i'm not an asshole. bear then sent me a message that at the time i thought was funny/cute because his url reflected that he was obviously a huge benny fan. we had a very cordial exchange. everything was good. we chatted a little bit about how neat it would've been if benny had been played by a black actor and how the racism problem with gordon would've been fixed if gordon had been played by a white actor. not all of our conversation is visible anymore (and i also don't think all of it was on this post anyway) because i've since blocked him so his replies no longer show up on my posts. the point is: everything was fine. it was a good tumblr exchange. he continued to follow me. i did not follow him then or at any point.

the problem is that he kept coming onto my posts and into my inbox to try to make things about benny. that is not okay. i had already said that benny was a character (and deanbenny a ship) that i was not interested in. to me, this is an obvious boundary i've established that he repeatedly crossed. it's not an egregious violation, obviously. more than anything it's annoying. what he should've done, if benny was that important to him, was unfollow me and move on. but he didn't and i indulged him for awhile but at a certain point i thought, "okay maybe if i stop indulging him, he'll take the hint." so i stopped responding. he did not take the hint. he got worse and he even started commenting on things that he couldn't make about benny, just to willfully misinterpret things i said and taking them completely out of context. unfortunately, i don't have receipts for any of this because at the time i didn't know it was going to become an actual problem (however I have since learned that this is an established pattern of behavior he engages in, so you can probably find examples on other people's blogs).

it got so annoying, though, that i very carefully broached the subject in a private server with people i trusted. without naming any names or using any incriminating language (i.e. not specifically referencing benny), i basically said that there was someone being annoying about a specific character on my posts and i wasn't sure what to do about it. immediately, a handful of people replied with some variation of "the benny stan? he's been doing that to me too." i do have receipts of this (and an entire server to back me up) but i hope you can all understand why i'm not going to provide those or name names (or ask anyone to get involved publicly). the point is, it became apparent that i wasn't the only one and this was a pattern of behavior. i also learned during that conversation that bear has a history of harassing people and calling someone racist or a transphobe if they block him.

at that point, i decided not to rock the boat. i would just continue to ignore him and maybe he would get bored and move on. well that obviously didn't happen. he kept doing it and as a fun added bonus, he started to make vague posts about me. the thing is i don't actually care if he vagueblogs about me. it's his blog. he can do whatever he wants. it's none of my business. i mean i personally think he should've just unfollowed but, again, his blog, his choice. it is annoying that every single time he would do it, someone would send me a link or a screenshot of him doing it, but that's not really his fault. so, again, i just ignored it.

this is where we get to the incident in question. after a private discussion among a small group of friends, i posted this obviously joke poll at the insistence of @letterstothedevil, a tumblr user who has given me permission to include her in this.

the original message about the poll:

the permission:

now EYE think it's abundantly clear that the poll was a joke amongst friends, but maybe it wasn't, and i'm not going to fault anyone for not magically knowing that. i am, however, totally willing to fault someone for being a gigantic asshole. bear commented on the post and i, admittedly, gave a somewhat dismissive response because at that point i was so tired of him being willfully obtuse and twisting every little thing i said that i just didn't want to bother. he then went and made a series of not-at-all-vague posts calling me racist and claiming that i simply do not care about the racism in the show and it's obvious because i've never ever discussed it on my blog (which is a hilarious lie given that i'd specifically discussed it on my blog with him). at that point, there was no reason not to block him. he was already doing the thing that i didn't want to deal with. so i did. and i thought that would be the end of it.

again, i was wrong.

i then started to get anon messages daily about benny and deanbenny and how i'm racist for not liking benny, etc. this was harassment that EYE was on the receiving end of. nobody else was a victim of the messages i was being sent. they were sent to me and it is not my job to make sure other people are protected from the harassment that i am experiencing. i'm pointing this out for two reasons: 1. because i did try to protect bear from it for awhile anyway. i knew that people would assume it was him and at the time i was still giving him the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than the fact that i didn't think he could send me messages since i blocked him. and 2. because when i did finally start to respond to some of the messages, bear acted like he was somehow the victim in all of this (and continues to act that way to this day).

i don't know if bear had (or currently has) anything to do with any of the messages i get (which, thankfully, have slowed considerably). what i do know is that at no point during any of this happening did he stop looking at my blog and vagueblogging about me.

when i finally did answer a few of the messages, bear had a bit of a meltdown about it. i know this because he used a separate account that i hadn't know existed to message me and because he talked to one of my friends about it. (i'm not going to name that person but if they want to get involved publicly of their own accord, that's up to them lol). i'm also not going to share screenshots of what bear said to me because he explicitly asked me not to (it's also the reason i'm not sharing screenshots of the numerous receipts i have of the things he's said and lied about on his blog but, unless he's deleted any of them, you can go and find the posts yourselves.) what i am going to share is that in the message he sent to me, he flat out lied about his behavior. he told me he hadn't been vague-blogging about me, that he would never ever do that about anyone, and that he would certainly never harass someone (all things that i have receipts of him doing).

it took me awhile to respond to this message because i was still trying to be gracious about the whole situation. i recognize that he is much younger than i am and i think it's important for me, as a full blown adult, to take that into account. i had a private discussion with a few trusted friends about how to handle this because it was important to me to not let him off the hook for his behavior and for lying just because he's young. this is what i ended up saying:

his response was to double-down on his lies (while, hilariously, vague-blogging about me and the whole thing) and then go into victim mode about something so completely unrelated and far-fetched that i decided i simply wanted nothing to do with him ever. (this is when he asked me not to share screenshots, so i won't, but this is me saying that i have ALL of the receipts, bear, so if you continue to lie, you will not like what happens.) i blocked his alternate account and tried to ignore him.

the harassment continued. again, i have no idea if he was actually part of it. the vagueblogging continued. he started to do it to other people he associated with me. many of them blocked him because of his behavior. i continued to answer some of the hate i received, continued to ignore and/or block most of it. it got so bad that i was sent seizure bait on more than one occasion, one time bad enough that i actually ended up going to the ER. there are receipts of all of this, too. you can see on my blog the messages i've been sent. i think at one point i even shared a snapshot of what my inbox looked like. i've shared privately with friends (who can confirm if they want to, but no pressure) screenshots of the kinds of messages i get that i don't respond to. the point is, that for a period of months, i was relentlessly harassed. and at no point during this time did i say anything to or about bear (or anyone else). the most i've done is respond to messages that have been sent to me. i've largely sat quietly while this thing happened to me and bear continued to make posts about me and act like he is somehow a victim in this. he's assumed things about me and my identity. he's violated boundaries i've set. he will not let this go. and i'm not the only one he's doing it to.

i'm so fucking tired of it. leave me alone. leave my blog alone. leave my friends alone. leave any and all of the people who have blocked you for your own inappropriate and obnoxious behavior alone. that's it. that's the end. none of this would be happening if you would just respect other people's boundaries. i don't want you on my blog. i do not want to interact with you. i don't want anything to do with you. that's it. the end.

[red-man-of-mustache]

Namedropping

Hey everyone! We're gonna take a little detour today/tonight to talk about something that's happened between me and someone you might know at @askwendyokoopa. I labored with this because in all my time being on/off tumblr I've never had to make such a post as this. Usually, if I block someone or someone blocks me we both move on like normal people. In this case though, I was appraised of the habits of this person along with my own experience with them and I proceeded with a block only to be met with them hopping on another account to blatantly get around said block then, when I refused to engage further they name-dropped me. Here's the post in question I'll be addressing throughout.

But, let's begin shall we? I'll start by talking about me. This'll be a long read and I know I'm asking a lot but please read it in full if you interact with his person.

I hope I've tagged this appropriately, if I haven't let me know. I'll also be reblogging this for the day crowd.

My blog is a safe place. I rp Mario as very campy, bright, and happy-go-lucky so I extend that to my general post pattern. I take my name and reputation quite seriously and as stated just a second ago I wrestled with making this post but I cannot let what they've said go uncontested. If you're reading this and you interact with them then this isn't me damning you or claiming I won't interact with you because of it but this is simply a cautionary tale. With that being said, for the more sensitive bits of proof, shoot me a DM or hit me up on discord(available upon request) and I can furnish you with even deeper details than I plan on going into in this post.

I have always avoided airing out my dirty laundry so to speak when it comes to any aspect of my life on this blog. Although it is "my" blog and I can post whatever I want, again, this is a place of uplifting and an escape. Rare is it when I'll post about how I struggle with certain things or if I feel dejected from a certain community and so on. I made a post a few months ago talking about my substance abuse and how I overcame it. In that same post I spoke about my mom, her alcoholism, and how she injured me in an altercation we had. I did that to be open because these same struggles have impacted my time on here. I was heavily self-medicating during my last run on tumblr and although I was present it was because I literally wished I didn't exist at the time. It all culminated into last year, spilling into this year. You can read that post for that information. I won't entirely retread that ground here.

It's a heavy subject and it's a dark contrast to what I usually post but I did so in case anyone could take strength from knowing I made it through a major struggle such as that.

Now this is a post about @askwendyokoopa,whom we'll refer to as Wendy for the rest of this post, why am I talking about me first? Well, once again, I've never blocked someone and seen them 1. try to circumvent the block with another account(one that perpetrates what I've come to have an issue with on them, more on that later) and 2. have that same person namedrop me for that block as if I need to convince them I don't wish to speak with them anymore.

Yes, I did.

Truly this song & dance is new to me. Again, I take my name(url) very seriously so to call me out as if I've done something wrong to you for not wanting to speak to you?? That's my right, you can't play victim just because I didn't give you a college thesis. This is the internet, if I don't wanna communicate with you I just won't.

I don't make vague posts about people I don't like, nor do I vaguely allude to me going through a tough time(at least I try not to, if I have those incidents are few and far between) I'll outright say I'm not feeling it or something along those lines but even then I have to be going through hell to make such a post. I also refuse to put it on my moots and followers when I feel inadequate because I'm here to lift you up not the other way around. If you choose to drop a compliment on my writing or personality, great! I deeply appreciate it and it motivates me to keep going but I'm here to give a boost to everyone around me through Mario. He's been with me since I was a kid and always a figure of inspiration in how he faces down trouble. I could use a bit of that in my adult life. I just wanna share that with everyone else.

I've actually been sort of a monolith my whole time on Tumblr and you know what? It's gotten me into a lot of trouble I can't lie. I'm doing my best to break that pattern by being upfront with how I feel, speaking to people more even if it's just to say "Hey I like your blog" or something simple along those lines. How can I claim to wanna provide a morale boost to people if I'm as reclusive as I (still) am? Doesn't make sense which is why I've been moving to change it.

This is not to name me a victim by the way. All this person did was namedrop me and mildly annoy me/make me uncomfortable but I've spoken with actual victims of their harassment and that was actually the last straw. So if anything I'm getting off light, I'm only doing this to clear my side of things and provide clarity for why this is happening.

I met Wendy way back in the infancy of my old @red-man-of-archive blog which I'm sure is obvious that it was the same URL you see me using now when it was active. Things were casual but consistent. IC Wendy had a crush on Mario but he usually never reciprocated and just moved on. Was it harassment back then? No. We didn't talk OOC and kept things "business" as I'll call it. They were amicable and their portrayal was pretty accurate in my opinion of course. Nothing funny going on to my knowledge.

Fast forward to me going through the various issues I did, being unable to even keep up with basic blog activity, and then going on extended hiatus. I tried coming back but had lost my phone number by then due to financial reasons and I decided this was the chance I needed to start over. So I did! I remade the blog September of 2018, archived the old one since I was still somehow logged in on my phone at the time and moved on. I don't think Wendy was around when I started over but they did come around. And to clarify: it still wasn't harassment. Things were casual, when threads ended they didn't have a foul word to say.

I end up dropping out again from tumblr, still in the storm that is my life. Not even a full month later either. I'd pop in for spurts of activity but it never lasted. Didn't see hide or hair of Wendy during this period.

Then we arrive at this year. Nearly three years after my last posting. I had quit smoking(THC) completely, I'm on the uptick in my job/finances, and I'm seeing a therapist. Took a look back and I've been reclusive, posting from my little cave this whole time and I came to the realization that if I want any staying power I need to put more of me out there alongside Mario. So, I start approaching people OOC more and trying to be forthcoming in where our threads are going or if I'm liking/disliking something.

Coming back to Wendy. When I got back so-to-speak I went through my followers to see if anyone was still active. Three years is a long time after all. I came across her again: Wendy. I looked at the timestamps, saw how far back they'd posted but they were among the people I felt comfortable enough to message despite the inactivity. Ironic.

Now, I can't show chat messages between us because when I blocked them the messages were nuked. I don't feel like attempting an unblocking to revive it but I'm about 90% sure they can see my posts anyway. Bear with me a little longer on this narration.

They get back to me after a bit and we start chopping it up. We catch up and I'll be 100% transparent in saying yes I did go along with everything being suggested. We started an entire thread based off innuendo but it was quite ham-fisted and when I stopped replying they began to pester me "Did I do something wrong? Can you not find another acronym?" even going so far as to start interacting with me through a different post and asking in character why I didn't reply.

That thread and the in character incident are gone unfortunately as I deleted them. But, I've got more than that to share. Innuendo isn't inherently bad nor does it go outside of what I do here as Mario.

By this point my patience has been tested and I realize this isn't the same amicable person I used to deal with. I can't speak for others OOC but I will say they hijack posts very often to ramble in character with this self-referential tone that makes it quite obvious this isn't Wendy(the character) speaking but the mun or simply turn things inappropriate. A few examples, we got

Just bizarre, plus it's AI

Again, weird, but not a blockable offense. They've at least put the bare minimum of effort in to tag it, I guess right? Well, around the time the gears were turning regarding this person's odd and pushy behavior there was someone within a server I've joined who made an announcement about them given they've had experience with this person. Unfortunate experience it seems.

They detailed a lot of things as did a few other moots of mine but one thing in particular stuck out to me. They claimed that this particular person used a whole host of other blogs to stalk/harass them. Then I remember this post.

Wait a second... going to their profile proper we see

Then if we hover over Pom Pom we see

So, not only do they have a laundry list of accounts at their disposal but they use them to circumvent blocks, and then will talk to themselves using these same accounts.

I don't wanna associate with someone like this. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, if I haven't convinced you yet, contact me through tumblr DM's or discord and I can let you know what else I know because their rap sheet is longer than their muse list.

They mass follow people within communities they're active in and even if you block this main blog, they could be on your follower list and you don't even know it. Thusly, I am going to suggest you block this person and their list of alternative blogs, and move on. If I still haven't convinced you, once again hit me up privately because I've got more personal stuff to share that doesn't belong here per se.

I don't wanna see this person victimize other people and that's why I took the time to put out this warning. All that talk earlier from me about "uplifting people" but I'm making a callout post right? Well, once again, I didn't want to originally because I thought I could just move on. But, this is a chronic pattern of behavior exhibited by this person and I don't wanna see them victimize someone else. If me blocking them didn't get them up in arms enough to namedrop me and play the victim themselves we wouldn't be here. Plus, I wasn't the only person addressed in their little callout post.

So, that's the scoop on why I blocked askwendyokoopa and why I believe you should too. They are not worth your time or energy.

The rabbit hole goes deeper but I've rambled long enough.

My discord is available upon request if you'd like to discuss things further. This will be my first and last time addressing them/this situation publicly. I don't do drama and in a month it'll be ten years since I started posting on tumblr. This has never happened to me before and I'd like to keep it that way.

Thank you.

[wickedts4finds]

Equiliberty Transphobia and Censorship - Jocelyn and company react to my departure

Thrilling followup of Jocelyn/Moe/Crownhill EC/cathcc/cath-creative-corner/bambisimmer responding to the farewell message I had to post as a screenshot because she blocked the word 'transphobe' from the server to keep people from talking about her revolting behavior and bigotry.

Red mark-out indicates her complicit (at BEST) mods - people who are morally okay with working along someone who believes pronouns are "political", loudly argues that there are only two genders, misgenders people (even calling one trans person it), comes onto posts about respectfully playing Native American characters complaining about cultural sensitivity, and more!

You'll notice Jocelyn's typical victim complex behavior here and emotional immaturity - she is being attacked, she is being bullied, not the transgender people she's treating like dogshit.

Jocelyn, I want you to know that there's not a damn thing that's going to deliver you from the community's wrath on this one.

There's nowhere you can run to get away from your choices. You can change your url or the name of the server or delete channels over and over again as many times as you want, but this community has a long-ass memory. Make a new account! Change your username again! We're going to find you. There are eyes on you in that server. There are eyes on you frankly most places you post. I want you to know it's not safe to vomit up your hateful "opinions" anywhere on god's green earth without it ending up in another public post, and honestly, you're going to be exceptionally lucky if youtube's simmers don't pick up on this one for views from the controversy. You had an okayish rep as a creator back in TS3's equine community and you, nobody but you, threw that all away why? To hurt other people who did nothing to you.

Most of us are LGBT+ in some way and those who aren't are almost always allies, not fellow bigots.

Without further ado! Here's my post in the 2 minutes before Jocelyn deleted it (after saying to me specifically 10-15mins prior she was going to stop deleting posts she just didn't agree with).

Sooo much here.

"when people aren't older" This is deranged behavior from someone who's allegedly not a minor.

"If it causes drama, hurts someone or the like it should go to be honest." I guess the exception is if it hurts trans people, right, Mod?

"I didn't call the person an it on purpose" 1) oops accidentally fell on my keyboard, hit the I and T keys in the correct order followed by space, then finished my sentence & 2) the way she avoids saying "them" EVEN NOW by saying "the person" instead lmfao

"What I'm upset about is people painting me bad, when I'm not" Girl you are a bad person. You are not kind to people who are already oppressed. You're immature, incapable of leadership at 30something years old, desperately clinging to a failing server which you imploded with YOUR OWN hateful diatribes against people who did NOTHING to you, trying to jealously hoard members and talking about "poaching". You had to create an entire server because you were not welcome elsewhere simply because of your personality before you even started spewing hate speech!!!! Honestly when I joined the discord I kind of anticipated a fall of Rome scenario given who was at the helm, just tried to not interact with her, etc, but nah man. Nah.

"and try ruining my rep" You already ruined it.

But my favorite of all, from the mouth of the bully herself, is this:

It's not okay to post, I'm being attacked. Can't you see how wrong that is?

[caspercryptid]

hey i respect u a lot and i love it when ur an asshole but i just want u to know being an asshole to someone who thinks they r trying to help w the whole gpt thing doesnt make them not wanna use gpt it just makes them think the people who want them not to use it are assholes. like fuck gpt but the cake thing is p demeaning & just shuts out the ppl ur trying to advise into ur an asshole and im not listening land. not helping the anti ai movement, just making urself look mean about it yk

While I will fully acknowledge that the "I'm sorry my follower added that comment to your post" cake Is rude as shit, what's also rude as shit is reblogging a post about Chat GPT contributing to the death of creative expression with unasked for advice about using it to replace the work of copy editors instead, especially when that work actively continues to teach chat GPT more shit about how to steal and take work away from myself and people like me.

Perhaps I should have said that in the reblog but there is so little good faith discourse on this website that the one allowance I could make to good faith was not blocking immediately and bothering to respond at all. Bluntly, I'm fucking tired. I once had a harassment brigade against me because I posted a polite reminder that people with HP urls should change those. No matter how nice and polite I am people who want to misunderstand still will, and I didn't reply because I was doing praxis or trying to help the anti-ai movement— I replied because I was annoyed and upset! But maybe that's nihilistic and i shouldn't get jaded and assume everyone I disagree with is going to ignore everything I say and/or send me nasty grams, I'm just tired of writing out long-form thoughtful responses to people who aren't going to listen.

At the core of my irritation isn't actually the anti-ai argument at all— I think people should consider the intent of the OP and if their "advice" will be welcomed, even when the advice is genuine and well intentioned. It's like that post about wanting nice mugs and to own nice things that got brigaded with advice to go to a thrift store. The post is not asking where to find nice mugs. The OP of that post did not want advice on how to correctly use Chat GPT, and I did not reblog it for that.

Thank you for respecting me, even though I'm an asshole. I was a little harsh, but I feel very strongly about this and this is my life and career. I do a lot of slush pile reading and copy editing, and asking chat GPT to do rephrasings for you is the #1 tool of plagiarists. It's really disheartening to see it in my own online space— I could have been nicer about that, I just didn't have the bandwidth this morning to assume good faith.

[kunoiichi]

I need to ramble about a situation that is scaring me.

A, I know there is every chance you are reading this. I've used this URL for a very long time and I'm not going to change it now. I don't remember if I told you about liking Pathologic (see, I was blackout drunk all the time back then) but if I did, I know I'm easy to find. If anything, I'm posting this because you might be reading it.

Stop. Please stop. I've blocked you now from battle.net, which I had forgotten we were friends on. I know you probably aren't trying to scare me, but you are.

It's not normal to be this attached to someone you were friends with eleven years ago. It's not normal to call somebody's workplace and ask for their home address. It's not normal to send an alcoholic alcohol, or to name world of warcraft characters after them and follow them around. All of this is scary. You are scaring me.

We were best friends when we were 14. I don't deny that. We were okay friends when we were 15 and 16. Other than a few weeks of contact around the age of 23, we haven't spoken. I'm sorry for how things have turned out, but I need you to leave me alone.

I know the correct response would have been to officially cut contact and tell you I didn't want to be friends back in those few weeks in 2021 when you asked to move in with me. I don't want to use my mental health as an excuse, but it is an explanation for why I was unable to do that. I'm sorry, and I wish I could have been strong enough to have the grace to do that.

Your mental health isn't an excuse, either. Your actions after that conversation have made me afraid to speak to you. I sincerely want you to be well and happy, but I can't be in your life for that. You need to do that yourself.

I guess this is the only way I feel safe telling you this.

[lilolilyr]

Booping April Fools Recap!

I had a blast y'all's, it was so much fun!

Booped and was booped over 4k times apparently :D

I love those kind of Tumblr events, whether planned like this April fools or just a sudden ever given or nov5 or Goncharov xD the vibes are always immaculate and the community is lovely <3

my notes are through the roof!

I got 14 new followers and I still have to check some of them for whether they are bots or followed me by accident or whether I just want to soft block them xD but some have already been established as fellow booping human beings or even mutuals, hi there @katharinaste @nbie @sharkbatez @theothergaycousin @anoddsightcomeoutatnight @songstar1 @raindropsandteaandtears @citricchatter @whiskeyadams @thatofabeavers @gunsandcherries and welcome to my blog, now go reblog some stuff or I might rethink that soft block xD, and let me know if you'd rather I didn't tag you in stuff, because I do tag memes like a lot (feel free to go through the backlog and feel tagged in all that you wanna do)

Anyway, so then I reached the 1k 'max' for booping others within like 3h after waking up xD and am a proud holder of the black booping paw badge!

After I had maxed out my received boops as well, I made a poll about which fandom I should make a meme for in thanks

(Ignore that @toboldlynerd's url half ended up on a poll option xD I don't even know whether that was my own dumbassery or a glitch, there were a lot of glitches going around on here yesterday but it might have also been me typing too quick not seeing which line I was on)

...after a very equal distribution with twilight in the lead, at first W13 was in the lead and I wrote a little fanfic soon after which I hit post limit *cries*

But I kept booping!

And because @lavendelhummel wrote a comment on Ao3 saying she'd love booping kudos, I made that as well :D only posted today of course bc postlimitttt

Also there's an Ao3 boop theme and discord boop reaction emojis (which I have instantly added to the servers I'm mod of xD), badge pngs and gifs :D

While on post limit I had a Lot of time on my hands going on tumblr web just booping instead of reblogging, and I figured out the super boop and even how to super boop myself on web

Though tumblr then complains about booping laundering xD

I tried to see whether there's another gimmick boop thing like the super boop but didn't work anything out - then this morning, I see this!

🖤Evil boop

I really want to know how this works now! @eyescastlow did you do it on purpose? How? How'd you figure it out? I am in awe of the evil boop :D

On web you can reach even higher heights than the Max, I was online for ages, only left for like an hour each going for a walk when my hands started to hurt & for dinner xD

In the poll Good Omens, Star Trek and LotR were (and still are) in the lead but because of post limit I couldn't make anything immediately and my best trek idea (tribble boops) had already been made anyway o.o so instead today i made meme comp link lists for each fandom!

Yesterday I told myself I'd go to sleep after hitting the next boop stat, expecting that if I managed to max out at 1k in 3h or less I should make it to the next booping k that evening, but instead I got more boops quicker than I was booping!

🖤 It was a pleasure booping with you all! 🖤

[slushyseals]

There are a TON of different sites selling bootlegs. I’d seen two different variations before, one that looked like they seam ripped an original and photocopied then printed the pattern onto fabric, and another version that looked like it was from a FNAF jumpscare game. There’s no quality control when it comes to bootleggers, so they could all be coming from the same person or group. It’s pretty easy to create multiple identities online, or listing with well known auction or shopping sites as a seller. There’s just one thing to ask yourself when trying to figure out if it is a fake: Are you buying it directly from Felissimo or a shipping service who will buy it directly from Felissimo? No? It’s a bootleg.

The sites you shared specifically had additional variant designs I hadn’t seen before. I have no idea where the original photo came from, though it is obvious that they are copying the design of the Yuki/Arale plush. You may think ‘well this is cute, it’s different but I like this design’ but please remember the scammers do not give you what is in the photo! They “bait and switch”. So while the photo has a very cute design, this photo is also being used across a lot of different sites, who knows which one, if any, will actually send you the design pictured. Sometimes the scammers will buy an original to take new photos with- as one way people tell if an item is legitimate is if the seller is using their own photos or stock photos of an item. They don’t send you the original though.

That’s... That’s not how 10% off works. If you cannot do basic math I doubt your legitimacy as a seller.

This still isn’t how numbers work. WHAT DID YOU DO TO YUKI?! Yuki-gets-a-bad-dye-job-at-the-hair-dresser version bootleg? Yuki BATMAN edition???

Aww, the FNAF Horror seal finally found love.

FINALLY you figured out how math works. 

This photo features the actual Yuki and Arale plushies- but since they aren’t being sold on Felissimo and the price is WAY too cheap you won’t be getting what’s in the photo. While some items on the internet can be bought cheaper at stores because the person online bought the items in bulk at a much lower price, Felissimo does not sell their pillows in bulk to other stores. Any seller would need to buy them at the original price and take a massive loss- which they won’t do! Instead they’ll show you a photo of the original (or a photo they got off another site- maybe someone’s Etsy or DeviantArt where they made their own version) then send you their own knockoff which will probably look like FNAF Horror or the version that looks like it was hit by a truck. 

This site included the originals for sale, but you know you won’t get what’s in the photo- you can’t trust ANY of their listings. 

 For anyone who missed the posts about the bootleg seal plushies please see these posts for more in depth info:  bit.ly/yukibootleg

[footballffbarbiex]

she’s been posting stuff on her instagram of her going on dates and being close with this “guy”, and it kills him. so he comes up to her, apologises for his mistakes in the past, and confesses that he can’t move on. and of course i’m imagining this for mr. mings…

thank you, amy❣️

definitely gonna continue this but getting the start of it out is what i needed. I hope you like it bb.

-

Tyrone sits in his car, elbows on the steering wheel, head in his hands. He knows he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be sitting around the corner of his ex girlfriend's home but he couldn't stop himself from driving here. The only thing he could do is park up when he did, rather than stare up at the brick house and wish he had the balls to step up to her door and be the man that she needed him to be all those weeks ago.

All it had taken was one song, their song, to come on his playlist and his fingers were reaching for his phone to check out her social profiles. He hated that he still had her on there. In a way, he hated that she allowed him to still be on there. It would have been easier had she cut him off, blocked his number and his accounts and refused to let him see what she was up to. Their pictures remained up, the ones where she'd be looking into the camera as he could do nothing but stare at her with a smile and a loved up expression etched upon his face.

He couldn't remember exactly when or why things turned sour, he just remembered that they had. No amount of words could salvage the relationship once she pulled herself together and uttered the words, "Ty, I deserve better than what you're giving me right now."

He knew she was right. Knew the only person to blame was himself but it didn't make it easier to try to move on when the reason was following him wherever he went.

That one song had made him load up her profile and there she was, sitting at a restaurant table - the tell-tale white and red tablecloth of the Italian place that he knew she loved was beneath her fingertips. It was her celebration place. Never wanting to go there when she was feeling sad, only wanting to be there if there was something she felt happy about, which only made him feel worse to know that she had finally something to feel good about without him being present.

She was grinning, a glass halfway to her mouth as she looked past the camera lens and into the eyes of the photographer who was making her laugh. It could of course be one of her girl friends, but something about the way she was looking off camera, the use of the heart emoji in the caption and the location that he knew her to use as a date location told him otherwise; that the feeling in his gut was right - she was moving on.

The feeling of irrationality had pulled him behind the wheel and driven him to where he parks now. The picture had been posted three days ago and so with a bit of luck, she would be home without her new love.

Tyrone swallows the nausea feeling, removes his seatbelt and opens the car door. Cold air hits his skin, momentarily grounding him in place while a wave of reason washes over him. He closes the car door, pressing the button on his key fob to lock it behind him as he begins to make his way to hers.

"What are you going to say to her?" he asks himself quietly out loud as her home comes up ahead. Each step brings it into view and he realises now he’s almost there that he has no idea what he wants to say to her. "This better be good. Do not mess her up again."

If you’d like to be added/removed/update your URL, then please let me know here. Crossed out means that tumblr cannot find your blog at this time. 

Forevers: @pom277  |   @emilielfc  |  @odegaardsblues​   | @archxron  |  @lawsandother  |  @meteora-fc  |  @smileytaa  |  @holdmybvbeer  |  @football-and-fanfics  |  @ofxinnocence  |  @footballerimaginess  |  @imaweirdobutyoulikeit  |  @kxndrixx  |  @chokinghazrdd  |  @marcdurm  |  @pingyu-in-wonderland  |   @dreamyfootball  | @declansmount  |  @penguintransporter  |  @degea-drama-llama |  @callyhandra  |  @gatekeptlee  |  @elliestonesx  |  @silverrmistt   |   @peterparkerbae  |  @untitled92260    |  @heli991113  | @mrsmctominay |   @football-rambles  |  @britishmoonchild  | @ninuffi  |  @​bobbyfirminos  |  @0wlm0nkeygh0st  |  @mxsonxmountx  |   @adorestonsey  |  

forever non smut: @weddingdisco  |   @yagetintoit  | 

[painsandconfusion]

Anon Ask Lineup!!

I got SO many gorgeous lurker confirmation asks, and wow I love you guys so much. You're way too sweet to me. Ahhhhhhh.

That being said, a lot of you had questions and I said I wouldn't rb those asks, but there were several overlapping ones anyway, so I'm just going to make one biiiiiiiggggggg post answering questions here!

.

How long did I lurk? Six years or so? Longer? I knew I loved whump since I was a little tiny kiddo, but didn't know there was a word for it (I feel like this is a common experience lol), and started following hero x villain things (also a common experience) that eventually lead me to the whump community. I didn't make this blog (well, the same url - it used to be a sideblog and it moved but I'm counting it) about two years ago? But I only started making my own content one year ago.

Have I ever regretted making my blog instead of lurking? Since I started this one? No. But there was a time before where I made a side blog (same url) and started making some whumpy gif sets? And I loved it and was having a nice time with no one knowing or following me, but it was immediately picked up by the kink community instead of this one. While I don't have any problem with that, I felt like I wasn't in the right place and that no one was really listening and I was getting sucked in the wrong direction, so I panicked and deleted the blog. Cut lurking again for two years before making this one.

Was I ever ashamed of whump? Um. Yes. Still kind of am (I'm working on it), but I grew up in a very religious household, and I'm an extremely kind and gentle person irl, so it felt like this horrific denial both of my faith and of myself. I read a post a year and a half ago or so that clarified the difference between fiction and reality for whump, and something about it just made the pieces fit together again for me. It wasn't long after that that I got started making my own content.

How I moved from being a reblogger to a creator? There was one prompt list (here) that I just fell in love with and had a few ideas to continue? So I did. And it got SO many more notes than I expected and I just........fell in love with it? I found I have a knack for prompt lists - much more than gif sets. So I started making prompt lists. They got popular pretty quick. Then I was challenged to do Whumptober, and I did. After that, I felt comfortable starting my own series and doing drabbles and I haven't looked back.

How many irl people know about whump/my blog? Four who I didn't meet through this. I've told three friends and my sister - all of whom took it FAR more gracefully than I expected. While whump isn't their thing, they're incredibly supportive and generally confused why I'm so embarrassed about it. Oops-

Is my whump fixation purely whump, kink, or both? Uhmmmmmmmm....I like whump. I like whump in any context. That bleeds into kink as well. I don't post NSFW things here because a lot of my readers are minors and I genuinely don't trust the tagging system to keep their sweet lovely eyes off the abominations I create asdlkf. But if I'm in an 18+ area where people are chatting, I'm more than willing to discuss it or put out ideas/content. I'm getting more comfortable with it by the day (everyone has hurtles to get over in self-acceptance - that's one of mine).

Do I use whump as an outlet for something else? I know a lot of people have turned to whump to process trauma, but that's not my story. I have loved it since forever, and my ptsd isn't something I ever want to encounter in whump. I have those tags blocked so fucking hard, I don't want to be triggered in my safe space (that's just me - everyone processes differently). But. I do find that it greatly eases my anxiety and nightmares. If I go a week or two without writing or consuming something terrifying, my anxiety doesn't really have an outlet? And it bleeds into dreams. I often have very whumpy dreams, but I don't consider them nightmares, they're just lovely. But the nightmares? Nope. Nuh-uh. Don't want. It's a very small part of why I write, but it's a lovely bonus.

.

.

.

Whelp I think that's all of them?? Shoot me another ask if I missed one - it wasn't intentions.

Love you all so so much - I'm glad you reached out!

General disclaimer: all these are my own expeiance and do not speak to or dictate in any way how others interact with this community or their pasts - everyone's journey is their own, this one is just mine.

[erensnubs]

PSA!!❗❗❗ BASICALLY WHATS GONNA HAPPEN TO THIS BLOG

A lot of you who follow me for a while and look through my random shitposts, know that I am indeed a highschooler. I post about random things, that don't gain tons of traction and mostly for me to vent my feelings and let my irl friends or moots know what's going on. A lot of these things are personal, some more than others, but I realize that tumblr is my safe space. Its a part of my identity as well as an escape, I don't have to hold up appearances here or be perfect, I simply write, interact with you guys and simp and fangirl with the besties about fictional characters. It's simple. I don't need to share my whole identity, like who I am, what my real name is and things like that.

Because of that ive been able to keep a happy environment on my blog, for me, my followers and moots, and anyone who interacts with my work. My tumblr blog and what i do here and what i do in real life are yes connected, but ultimately separate. The only people in real life that I allow to see these posts are people who I talk to in real life, that just so happen to have tumblr. So colleagues, peers, friends of friends, acquaintances, etc. Things that happen to me in real life, affect what happens to this blog and my writing, as such is life.

Which is why I made this post. It's come to my attention that an ex-friend/mutual of mine gave mine and one of my mutual's url to their significant other without my permission. I was fine with it at first even though i was slightly angry but i let it slide because it seemed like no one was doing anything with my blog. I thought it was safe. For extra measure i blocked both of these people so i didnt have to deal with them, and i didn't have to deal with their bs.

Recently i found out that this person was actually showing my mutual's blog and through their blog, my blog, to other people at my school. And even though i found out recently, its been happening for months. These people are bigots, and bigot apologists and could very well could get my friend hurt and in the process, me as well.

Because of this, I'm making the choice to move my blog. Soon. If you're my moot I will send you my new page. I might make an announcement later what my new url will be but for now it will be private.

If you want to know my url and you aren't a moot, send me a private message and i will for sure give it to you.

Again, thank you guys for everything. It's been a hard 6 months but i noticed that those 6 months, was where I started to improve in my writing and gained traction. I'm sorry this had to happen with my blog, but hopefully on my next one i can keep it under control.

ps: my next url is still gonna be about erens season 2 little arm stubbies if y'all need a clue 😏

Master list is here

[misshoneybee]

⟣ 𝑊𝐸 𝐿𝐸𝐴𝑅𝑁 𝑇𝑂 𝐿𝐼𝑉𝐸 𝑊𝐼𝑇𝐻 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑃𝐴𝐼𝑁 ⟢

— 𝑉. 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑊𝐴𝑌 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑀𝑂𝑉𝐸 𝐼𝑆 𝐿𝐼𝐾𝐸 𝐴 𝐹𝑈𝐿𝐿-𝑂𝑁 𝑅𝐴𝐼𝑁𝑆𝑇𝑂𝑅𝑀 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐼'𝑀 𝐴 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 𝑂𝐹 𝐶𝐴𝑅𝐷𝑆

Masterpost — OFC Biography — Playlists — Chapter IV — Chapter VI

❧ Pairings | Post-Infinity War!Steve Rogers x Original Female Character, Minor Original Male Character x Original Female Character

❧ Warnings | Mature content, explicit language, canon-typical violence/injury, themes of mental illness (depression, anxiety, ocd, ptsd)

❧ Wordcount | ~7.5k

❧ Author's Note | Translations are in the endnote, xx.

❧ Disclaimer | Dividers are by firefly-graphics. If you are a minor, or do not have your age in your bio, and I catch you interacting with this, you will be blocked. If you believe you were blocked unfairly, send me an ask with your url.

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world, But with you I know it's no good ( Sparks Fly | Speak Now )

July 4, 2018

Slipping off her reading glasses, Maggie pressed the heels of her hands into her tired eyes until she could see the abstract bursts and twists of color from the pressure. Staring at a screen for hours at a time was wearing her thin. When she was promoted, she didn't anticipate the monotony that her days would hold. She woke up early, went into work, signed off on cases, assigned new ones, had meetings with other division heads in the foundation, then went home, only to sleep and repeat the same routine the following day.

She missed going out in to the field and meeting new people; she missed feeling like she was actually making a difference in the world instead of just watching those around her do it. Her mind continued to circle back to the discussion she'd had with Pepper months earlier. Though more resources had been diverted to that area of the crisis, Maggie knew that there was more that could be done.

Her idea was in limbo as the board of directors scrambled to take over Pepper's work. For one woman, she had run the entire foundation like a well-oiled machine and it made sense that it would take several people to replace her. Biting her nail, Maggie finally reasoned that there was no time like the present to give another push to the new higher-ups; it was worth a shot if she could get off of desk duty.

Though she thought she feigned contentment with her new position well, Natasha had called her out earlier that morning as they trained together.

"You can just say you hate it," Natasha took a hard swing, narrowly missing Maggie's left side as she sidestepped the swipe.

"But I don't—oof." Her breath was taken away as Natasha turned and landed a kick to her stomach before ducking and swiping her legs out from under her. As Maggie tapped out, Natasha backed off. Laying on the ground, she brushed a hand over her now-sore abdomen with a flinch. She knew there'd be a bruise blooming by the time she got in the shower after their workout. "Look, I don't hate it. I just want to do more."

"Then do more." Natasha shrugged, tossing a water bottle to Maggie.

She hesitated before opening her email, hearing Natasha's voice in her head again, 'Do more.'

Quickly drafting a message to the board to request a meeting for some time in the upcoming month, she read over it several times before sighing and eventually hitting send. There was no use in waiting for a response; she knew that they wouldn't get back to her until early the following week.

Maggie grabbed her planner, dragging her index finger across the day and checking off all of her completed meetings and assignments. She got to the final, blank line and let out a soft hum as she checked the time in the corner of her monitor. The last social worker from her division had clocked out almost an hour before and she was the last one left.

After weeks of trying to recover from the devastation, the number of fires that needed to be put out had slowly tapered off. The light workload made her uneasy. Glancing at the door, she reasoned with herself: she was restless and there was nothing left for her to do in the office today. Biting the bullet, she set her office phone to forward to her cell and grabbed her bag.

One of the best parts of working in the same complex in which she lived was the commute. In just a few strides, she'd be home and she could do some more research into what it would take to create a new division within the foundation.

Maggie scanned her card to enter the front office area, "Jessica, could you..." She trailed off, looking at the woman's monitor as the young woman dabbed a tear from her face, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, it's just a story about what the fourth is going to be like after...everything." She gently shook her head in disbelief. "I mean, we're living under a one world government? Did you know that could happen?"

"I didn't." Maggie shook her head, tapping on the desk for a moment before she paused, her eyes darting to the calendar on the wall beside her, "Today's the fourth?"

She wracked her brain; how could she have forgotten? When she'd seen the date in her planner, it didn't even register that it was a holiday.

When, a week earlier, Maggie had overheard Natasha make a joke at Steve's expense about his birthday and independence day, she'd made a mental note to herself to remember the date. She'd meant to pick up a gift or a card but, it had somehow completely slipped her mind; she couldn't help but wish that she'd jotted it down in her planner amid every other obligation or event that she wanted to remember.

Pulling the spiral bound book from her bag, she flipped to the month and quickly scribbled his name on the square with a four so she'd at least remember it in the future. "Shit, if anyone asks for me, can you let them know I'll be back in the office tomorrow morning?"

"Ooh, got a hot date?" The blonde leaned forward, quickly forgetting her distress in exchange for excitement regarding any morsel of gossip that she could get her hands on. There was a small, knowing smirk on her lips as she continued with a slight sing-song voice, "You never leave early."

"Yeah, something like that." Maggie rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she quickly left the office. "Fuck." Mumbling under her breath, she pressed the button repeatedly until the doors of the elevator opened. Of course she didn't have a date. At least, not with a person.

It had taken several hours and she was covered in flour and other baking supplies but it was finally done. Carefully, she spread the last bit of frosting on top of the cake and stepped back with a smile as she got a better view of the finished product. The straight lines of the white star and the concentric red and blue circles that surrounded it made her inspiration obvious.

For only a few hours work, it didn't look too shabby to be a confectionary remake of the shield that Steve was all too familiar with.

Maggie's look of admiration was quickly replaced by one of slight embarrassment as Natasha and Steve entered the kitchen; Natasha raised an amused brow when she spotted the dessert on the counter, "Cake?"

Over the past weeks, the three had fallen into an unspoken routine in the evenings as they met together for dinner. Maggie had quickly begun to look forward to it after feeling isolated for so long; she had to admit that it had become a nice way to decompress after the workday. Glancing at the watch on her wrist, she hadn't realized how late that it had gotten until the pair walked in.

"Happy birthday." She met Steve's eyes and gave a small smile as she wiped some flour from her cheek, only to replace it with muddled smudges of red, white, and blue frosting that had been smeared on her palm. "I know it's not much—"

"I haven't had a birthday cake since I was a kid." He cut her off, as his mouth gently curled up at its corners. "It's perfect. Thank you, Maggie."

"Well, it's not every day that someone becomes a centenarian." Pleased with his reaction, she grinned, tucking a rogue curl behind her ear.

"You have some..." Steve trailed off, before softly cupping her face with his hand. She was taken aback at his gentle touch; her breath caught in her throat as he used his thumb to rub the icing from her cheek with a quiet laugh. Under his warm palm, her cheek moved as her expression turned sheepish. "Icing."

"While you two keep flirting, I'm gonna go pick up some pizza." Natasha threw over her shoulder as she sauntered out of the room with a coy smile.

At that, Steve removed his hand from her cheek as if he'd been burned by the blush coloring her skin, "Romanoff—"

"Shut up, Natasha." Maggie ducked her head, quickly moving to the sink to scrub the dyed sugar from her hands to avoid any more mishaps.

"Neither one of you denied it." Her knowing statement was punctuated with the door closing behind her as the remaining pair made eye contact for a moment before forcing their gazes away.

Maggie cleared her throat and busied herself with putting the dishes away, her cheeks seemingly a permanent shade of deep maroon. Without a word, Steve began helping her, passing her dishes and putting others away as they moved easily together in an, only slightly, awkward silence.

After Natasha had acquired the food, the trio ate dinner and cake, making small talk before the ex-spy brought out the alcohol. Several drink later, Natasha had retired to bed early, leaving the duo in the living room alone. Maggie couldn't help but feel like her friend's eager exit had to do with her earlier comment but she didn't want to be the one to broach the subject. Certainly, it was just a schoolgirl crush. They lived together; she saw him every day. Of course, her burgeoning feelings were only natural between the proximity and time spent together.

Maggie's head felt warm and pleasantly fuzzy as she nursed her third drink of the evening. "So, when were you going to tell me you were an actor?" She picked up her bottle by the neck before giving it a swirl and taking a sip to hide her grin.

"What are you talking about, Hall?" Steve leaned forward, his elbows landing on his knees. He narrowed his eye playfully and she did the same.

"Well, someone told me that she googles everyone she works with so I decided to do the same." Maggie had to hold back a giggle as she searched for the video on her phone before casting it to the television, "I didn't know you were the star-spangled man with a plan, Mr. Rogers." Beaming, she pressed play as he let out an audible groan, sinking down in his seat when the music started and covering his embarrassed face with a hand.

She stopped the video after his first few lines, her merriment having set the man off as well, his shoulders shaking with laughter. She exhaled and caught her breath, dabbing at her eyes. Elbowing him gently, he met her eyes as she gave him a soft smile, "Sorry, I just had to tease you a little."

"Seems like it's your favorite thing to do." He shook his head with a crooked grin, taking a long pull from his beer.

"It's because you make it so easy for me." She quipped, her eyes sparkling with delight. There was a lull and she bit her lip before nodding at the black screen, her voice softer, "They really made you do that? More than once?"

He gave a shrug, contemplating for a moment. "They didn't know what else to do with me so they put me on stage. Didn't last too long, thankfully."

"It's good that you got out." Her lips quirked up to one side before she looked down, peeling the green label from the room temperature bottle absentmindedly as she continued, "I don't think you'd be here if you hadn't."

"Definitely not." He gave a tired sigh, his eyes far away as if he was retracing each step of his life's path that had led him to sitting next to her in that moment.

She mused that it was times like this when he finally showed his age. Only inches away, she could feel his exhaustion sinking into his bones, radiating through his body and seeping from his pores. Though he'd been frozen for more than half of the time that he'd technically been alive, there was no doubt that he'd seen more than enough to fill ten lifetimes.

"Well, I'm glad you're here. Now." Her voice was almost inaudible, but she was unable to take the words back even if she'd wanted to.

She wasn't even certain that he'd heard her until she looked up to find his sea-foam eyes already waiting to for her's, a kind smile gracing his handsome features, "I am too."

Maggie couldn't help but wish that the smile that he was giving her at that moment would never fade; she'd be content to bask in its warm glow forever if she could.

October 31, 2018

"Really? Even on Halloween, Nat?" Maggie called, swinging the heavy gym door open and dropping her gym bag on a bench with a dull, metallic thud. "You know, it's technically a holiday." Sure, she hadn't celebrated it since she was in undergrad but she had to whine just a little at the injustice. No matter what, she knew that she was never going to be a morning person, especially when it came to working out.

Glancing around the empty gym, she paused before hearing shuffling in the side room; she mused that Nat was probably finding some new piece of equipment to help torture her. Projecting her voice in the direction of the door, she sat on the mat to stretch, leaning over to stretch out her hamstrings that were tight with neglect from her time asleep, "I have to duck out a little early though. I have an early meeting today which is probably going to suck because..."

She trailed off as the side door opened wider and Steve walked out, clad in sweatpants and a tight t-shirt. She seldom saw him dressed so casually; how was it fair that he still looked like he was stepping off of a magazine page when he was just going to the gym? Suddenly, she felt self-conscious in her leggings and sports bra only covered by a mesh tank top.

Biting her bottom lip, she sat up, floundering for words before settling on, "You're not Nat."

"Nope." He chuckled. "I thought she told you? She had to head into the city this morning so she asked me to step in." At her silence, his brows drew together, worried that he'd somehow made her uncomfortable, "Unless that's not okay because I can go and find—"

"No!" Maggie cut him off, almost too quickly. "No, it's fine. I've just only ever trained with Nat so I didn't expect you. To see you. Here. Now. In the gym." She closed her eyes, embarrassed as she kept babbling, "Sorry, morning brain."

"Need some coffee?" He chuckled as she came to stand.

"I've already had three cups," she laughed. Reaching into her bag, she shuffled through the miscellany of body sprays, joint braces, and clean socks, finally finding her hand wraps and holding them up triumphantly before sitting down on the bench beside her bag.

"This is after three cups? Then there's no hope—you should probably just go back to bed and try again tomorrow." He teased as she stuck her tongue out at him childishly, watching as she began to wrap her hand.

The fabric fell and she let out a muted huff, starting again, trying and failing to keep the stretchy fabric taut as she weaved it around her palm and fingers. He'd quickly wrapped his own hands before looking over to see Maggie still struggling.

She fleetingly contemplated biting the beige fabric to hold it in place before his voice interrupted her thoughts.

"May I?" He knelt in front of her, nodding to her hands.

Tilting her head up, she didn't expect to find Steve's eyes level with her's, only inches away. Maggie blinked away her surprise and nodded wordlessly as the fabric fell away once more; she handed him the wrap and sat up straighter, "Be my guest."

Giving her a small smile, he took her one of her hands in his larger one. "Cold?" He inquired with a raised brow at the chill that he felt from her hand, holding it still for a moment to warm it in his own. His fingers wrapped around hers as he tried to transfer some of his radiant heat.

She felt a flutter in her stomach at the sweet gesture before he began to methodically wrap her digits. She nodded her head distractedly, "I'm always cold."

"I used to be the same way. Now—"

"You run like a furnace?" Maggie let out a quiet laugh as she watched him work, "I can tell."

"When you're wrapping, make sure you do an extra layer or two around your wrists. Nat said you can be kind of fast and loose with your punches—"

"Hey!" Maggie made a face as Steve continued, unaffected by her slightly offended outcry.

"So, until you get better control, you need to make sure they're stabilized so you don't sprain them."

"I'm not some loose cannon—" At his amused look, she rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe I am. But I'm still learning!" She defended. "And besides, I think this is more for me running into unruly men at bars or something. I doubt I'm ever going to fight aliens or anyone else for that matter."

"Crazier things have happened." He finished her left hand, moving on to the right as he dexterously looped the fabric around before tucking and velcroing it securely. "Too tight?" He bent her hand, moving her wrist and fingers around to make sure she had full range of motion before doing the same to the other hand.

"Perfect." She nodded, wiggling her fingers at him. They felt secure but not as though he'd cut off her circulation; he was certainly much better at the practice than she was. He smiled and stood, offering her a hand up.

"Bring it, Rogers." She nodded, making her way over to the mat and standing at the edge of the ring that had been taped out on the foam mat.

"You're on, Hall." Standing opposite of her, he put his fist forward for her to bump it in a sign of respect.

Fighting styles weren't something that Maggie often thought about but there were blatant differences between that of Natasha and Steve; where she was smooth and fluid, he was solid and bold. Four rounds and she still felt like she was fighting an uphill battle, there was no way to know what he was going to do next.

Each step, each swing was a well-choreographed routine that she'd never seen before. Even when he landed a hit, it was less painful than Natasha's; she found it safe to assume that he was pulling his punches. Despite him going easy on her, Maggie had proudly landed several blows to him, trying not to flinch whenever her fist made contact with the solid wall of muscle that was his torso.

She only had one shot at the move that she and Natasha had been working on over the past two months. Taking a deep breath, she dodged a swing from his left arm and grabbed it as he continued through the motion, using his momentum to fling herself upwards. Steve spun around, attempting to throw her off as she wrapped her legs around his neck from behind, her thighs squeezing tightly as she pitched herself backwards, careful to tuck her head as she flipped the both of them to the ground.

She let out a soft huff as she tried to navigate her hands from his shoulders to his wrists but she was too slow for the super soldier's enhanced reflexes. She didn't realize that she'd unwound her legs too early until he had already rolled them over, pinning her wrists to the mat as he hovered above her easily.

A smirk graced his lips as he looked down at her, dark blonde strands of hair falling into his eyes. His words were genuine when he spoke, "Nice try, Hall. Not too bad."

Her chest rose and fell considerably as she tried to catch her breath from the amount of energy she'd exerted, her head dropping back to rest on the thin foam in defeat. Closing her eyes, she squeezed them tightly, allowing her dark lashes to kiss the tops of her cheeks while she tried to reorient herself.

"Блядь."

"Language." Letting go of her wrists, he braced himself on the floor, caging her in with his arms momentarily before hopping up easily and offering her a hand in a truce. She opened one eye, allowing the light to flood in once more as she let out a quiet groan.

As was typical after her workouts, she'd be sore tomorrow.

Reaching up, she grasped it and allowed him to help her to her feet. It was like she weighed nothing at all as he pulled her up, her toes barely brushing the ground as she let out a squeak at the sudden change in position. Coming to stand precariously in front of him, she gripped his forearms to ground herself. She let out a soft giggle as he steadied her, grimacing comically at his accidental display of brute strength, gripping her upper arms gently to ensure that she was stable before letting go with a soft squeeze to the spots where his grip had been.

Her hands trembled slightly as she began to slowly unwrap each hand from its cloth casing. It was the residual adrenaline coursing through her veins and lighting up every nerve ending. There was no other reason for her physical reaction, not his close proximity or the fresh scent from his cologne that reminded her of clean laundry. Not the charming smirk or his kind eyes. It was just a physiological reaction to a physical stimulus that she'd experienced.

She cleared her throat, rolling the wraps tightly to store them back in her gym bag, "Since when do you speak Russian anyway?"

"I'd tell you but I know you'd have a smart comment." Removing his own hand wraps, he gave her a sideways glance to which she put a hand over her heart and gave an exaggerated pout.

"Ugh, you wound me, Steve." She zipped the canvas bag closed loudly before pulling it over her shoulder. Doing the same, he held the door open for her as they made their way back the living quarters, down the still, mostly quiet halls and through the atriums, tranquil as the morning light streamed in through the large panes of glass on the walls.

"Why do you speak Russian?" He inquired, shortening his typically long strides to be able to keep pace with Maggie as they spoke.

"Peace corps. I was in Ukraine when Crimea was annexed." She let out an exhale and shook her head; it had been years since she thought of her time in Europe, dredging up some of her best and worst memories. She shrugged, "It was easier to know both. You never knew who you were going to be talking to. Besides, a quarter of Ukrainians only speak Russian so it was for the best, really—"

"I didn't realize you were over there in a war zone." Steve interjected, letting her exit the elevator first. She could feel his gaze burning her but she kept her eyes trained on the loose thread on her sweater cuff that she tugged at gently, watching as it bunched the surrounding fabric before letting it go as they easily navigated the familiar space.

"I wasn't. You were in a war zone." Maggie's soft voice cut through the air after several moments of silence before she finally looked up at him with a shake of her head.

"Why do you always do that?" The expression on his face was almost inscrutable; in his eyes, she saw a multitude of emotions swirling within a treacherous whirlpool of dark cyan.

"Do what?" She raised a puzzled eyebrow, grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge before handing him one. Placing the other on the back of her neck, she tried to cool herself down, unsure whether her increased heart rate was from the content of their conversation or the workout they'd just completed.

The condensation caused a shiver to run down her spine when she found his eyes once more.

"Deflect. Then, discount what you've gone through." He took a sip of the cold water, his piercing gaze not faltering as he braced himself on the counter between them.

At his observation, her breath caught in her throat and she looked away, standing up straighter. Suddenly the open-concept room felt claustrophobically restrictive.

She didn't like that he could do that, look right through her as if she were purely transparent, like a window with no pane.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she shifted uneasily before setting the bottle back on the counter, watching as the clear liquid sloshed from the sides to stillness.

Wrapping her lithe fingers tightly around the canvas strap of her bag, Maggie pulled it higher over her shoulder before slowly taking several steps backwards towards the hall, "You know, I...need to go. Thank you." She paused, meeting his eye-line once more, "For training with me this morning."

With a curt nod, she turned on her heel and made her way to her room, disregarding his regretful tone as he remained stationary while his voice followed her, calling her name as it bounced back to him from the wall at the end of the narrow hallway.

Avoidance had always been Maggie's specialty when it came to her relationships. At work or in school, she'd always been described as confrontational and stubborn, unafraid of doing whatever was necessary to accomplish her goals, but somehow that dogged determination hadn't translated to her personal life. She knew that it was immature but she typically found it easier to wait for the smoke to clear and re-emerge later than to face her problems head on.

Running away was her forte. As a child, she used run and hide in her room when she'd done something that she thought would get her in trouble. After her first kiss, she'd feigned sick for three days to avoid seeing the boy in her homeroom class. After the death of her parents, she ran the entire way across the globe just to try and find some type of peace.

When she left to get ready that morning, she was grateful that Steve had been gone by the time she'd resurfaced from her room to head towards her office. Anticipating him at any moment, she'd kept her head down as she turned each corner, moving through the halls silently.

It wasn't as if Steve's reflection on her was incorrect; her inability to answer was evidence in itself. She was painfully self-aware. Perhaps she didn't answer because she didn't know why she did it. It was something that she'd done for as long as she could remember. Its familiarity, despite the damage that it had the capability to cause, was comforting.

Typically, she was the last one back in the living quarters in the evening but the area was strangely silent by the time she'd returned from work. After changing, she quietly opened her bedroom door, pausing when she heard a pair of familiar, muffled voices through the thin wall. She couldn't help but eavesdrop despite a small, nagging part of her feeling guilty for doing so.

"She was practically in your lap—" Natasha sounded almost exasperated, sitting something down forcefully on the countertop.

Maggie frowned, standing up straighter. 'Who was in his lap?' She chewed at her bottom lip, a flicker of jealousy flaring within the pit of her stomach. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

She leaned against the wall, crossing her arms; of course, it wasn't any of her business. 'He can have whoever he wants in his lap. He's a grown man and he has a personal life—'

"We were watching a scary movie." The man's voice was firm, almost chastising at Natasha's suggestion. "And she wasn't in my lap."

Maggie's eyes widened; it was her. She'd been the one in his lap!

She knew exactly the evening that Natasha was referring to. Over the past several months, Steve had become something of a movie night partner-in-crime with Maggie. They'd typically pick a film and watch it in a comfortable silence, other times they'd half-pay attention to one as they talked through the cinematic exposition and action, discussing their days and whatever else came to mind.

On the night in question, they'd spent almost an hour debating what genre of movie to watch. After the back and forth, they'd eventually chosen a new horror movie to watch since Maggie typically only enjoyed psychological thrillers and Steve hadn't ever watched a proper horror film.

They'd been sitting close, Steve's arm flung casually on the back of the couch, when a jump-scare filled the screen along with a terrifying screeching sound that ricocheted around the room. Almost instantly, Maggie had turned in to Steve's side to shield her eyes as she cursed. The arm that had been resting on the back of the couch wrapped around her shoulders almost reflexively, rubbing her arm gently until the scare had passed.

She could recall the night clearly, remembering how her heart had skipped a beat when he left his arm around her shoulders, allowing himself to be used as a barrier between her and the rest of the film's subject matter.

Part of her knew that the movie hadn't actually frightened her as much as it seemed to in the moment. The jump scare had surprised her initially then she'd become too comfortable in his embrace to go back to the way they'd been sitting before. She didn't know that Natasha had seen them that night.

"I'm just saying if you're going to have these dates—" Maggie could hear the smirk on Natasha's face as she prodded at Steve.

"They're not dates." His response was short and she couldn't help the feeling of hurt that spread through her. "She's a friend, Nat. That's it."

She bit the inside of her cheek, relieved that neither of them could see her expression. Closing her eyes, she willed away a ghost of warmth that she knew would become tears if she didn't nip it in the bud. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she took a measured breath.

Of course the movie nights weren't dates; they'd just been an activity that the pair had happily shared as friends. It wasn't until that moment, she realized that perhaps she had wanted them to somehow turn into dates.

"Okay. Whatever you say. But if you—"

"I'm not." Cutting her off tersely, she could tell by his tone that Steve was done with the conversation.

Several moments passed in silence, the only sound was the shifting of glass plates and boxes being placed on the table. After taking another deep breath, she schooled her hurt expression into something more blasé. She quickly made her way to the kitchen, ensuring that each step was audible as she crossed the apartment.

"We got Chinese." Natasha slid a box down the counter towards Maggie who accepted it gratefully as her stomach gave a rumble at the prospect of food. She'd worked through lunch, worried that she would have run into Steve if she'd returned home like she usually did.

"Beef and broccoli with white rice and spring rolls."

And suddenly, a feeling of warmth replaced some of the disappointment that had wrapped itself around her ribs, squeezing tightly and constricting her heart.

"You remembered my order?" Maggie smiled affectionately as she got a pair of chopsticks from the drawer. She made eye contact with the blonde who had a knowing expression on her face before she spoke nonchalantly.

"Actually, Steve did." Natasha used her fork to gesture towards Steve who had busied himself with getting a glass of water. Maggie felt a twinge in the pit of her stomach as she turned to look at him, standing up straighter as she gave him a half smile. He responded with a small nod.

"Well, I have a call so...I'll see you two tomorrow." Plucking her box from the counter, Natasha brushed past Steve with a pointed glance about their earlier conversation as he avoided eye contact.

After she left, the pair remained in an uncomfortable silence with only the news mumbling in the background as they sat at the table across from one another. Occasionally, there was a scrape of a fork or the dull sound of a glass being sat on a coaster. Neither spoke nor looked up for several minutes as they remained trapped in their thoughts.

What was there to say?

Maggie had run away from a conversation that morning and she now knew that he was vehement about only ever being her friend.

Steve was none the wiser that she'd overheard the tail end of the conversation that he'd been having with Natasha.

As her mind raced a million miles a minute, she attempted to find the best way to broach the subject to move past the discomfort that was drowning them.

Skewering a piece of chicken on his fork, he couldn't help but steal a glance at her while she looked down at her plate. He knew that couldn't deny it. He wanted Maggie to be more than his friend and Natasha knew it too despite his continued silence on the subject.

It felt like it had become a daily occurrence as Natasha did everything in her power to push them together. Steve hadn't known until moments earlier that she'd lied about going into the city that morning; she'd taken her car for a long drive in an excuse to force the couple to spend more time together away from anyone else.

Over the past months, his feelings for her had only continued to grow even as he'd tried to stop them. He'd tentatively tried to gauge Maggie's feelings towards him but she was incredibly guarded. Every time he thought he knew where her head was, she'd thrown another curveball.

The woman had become an expert at smoothly changing the subject when a conversation began to gravitate towards something that could allow Steve to chip away at the walls that she'd spent so long fortifying. Despite that, and aside from his blunder that morning when he'd clumsily tried to approach a delicate subject, they'd slowly become closer since she'd moved in.

Maybe Natasha had been right. If he never tried, he'd never know and he didn't want to wait until it was too late—not again.

Steve's heart raced as he silently prepared himself to tell her how he felt. How he thought that she was beautiful. That she was incredibly funny. That she had a huge heart. That the best part of his mind-numbing, exhausting week was Friday night when he finally got to spend a stretch of uninterrupted time with her.

He finally broke the stillness that had settled over them, looking up at her as he began to speak, "Maggie, I need to—"

"It's all water under the bridge, Steve." She met his eyes and shook her head gently as she cut him off.

There were moments that could change the trajectory of a relationship; small instances had the capability to make great change, like a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a hurricane hundreds of miles away. A missed train could lead someone to meet their greatest love. An assumption could stop something from blossoming before it ever had a chance to plant roots that could twist and envelope everything in the damp, dark soil around them.

Maggie assumed that she knew where his statement was going. She didn't need an apology for that morning; he'd done nothing wrong. It was her who'd been too guarded.

She knew that it wasn't entirely water under the bridge; her actions were merely a dam that had been built to halt the current. Maybe one day she would be ready to discuss the tumultuous relationship with her emotions and coping skills with him, but that day hadn't come yet.

His brow furrowed at her response before realization dawned on him. She was referring to their conversation from several hours prior. As soon as she'd disappeared down the hall, he knew that he'd been out of line with the callout.

Conversations about sensitive subjects had never been his strong suit.

She didn't know everything that he wanted so badly to say to her. Once more, he couldn't help but feel like the universe was telling him that their timing still wasn't right.

Maybe they were only two ships passing in the night. Maybe they were only ever meant to be friends.

He swallowed his words back down, they swirled in the pit of his stomach making him feel nauseous.

"Water under the bridge." He agreed, trying to give her a slight smile despite feeling as though he'd taken one step forward and three steps back but her happily relieved expression quickly reignited the light in his heart that had momentarily been extinguished. Once more, she was a lamp flickering in the darkness and he allowed it to guide him.

If they were only going to be friends, he was certain that could find a way to be happy with it.

He had to, because the alternative of losing her friendship simply wasn't an option.

❧ Endnote | Блядь: fuck. I do not speak Russian or Ukrainian so everything is done through translation apps! Let me know if I make any mistakes, please! Additionally, this was written long before the present Russian Invasion of Ukraine. If you'd like to learn more or help, here are some resources. ♥️

[evilplumpie]

tagged by @euphcme

1. why did you choose your url?

Evil pie is my randomly assigned username in two dots and but it was taken on tumblr and plum plus pie is plumpie and that's a cool sounding word basically AI and verbal stimming chose my url.

2. any side blogs?

@legendofsideblog stuff that i like that other people made that is not the stuff I like that other people made that is on this blog

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

2011 FUCK

4. do you have a queue tag?

no I don't understand what the point of them is, so much work

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

made a doctor who blog with my bff. branched out with my own tumblr and poured my real personality and face on there. this is my shiny new Adult Blog.

6. why did you choose your icon?

love their love

7. why did you choose your header?

I didn't too much commitment

8. what's your post with the most notes?

a post begging people to explain jokes.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don't know the number but every mutual is special and unique to me. And when you change ur url or icon you become a completely new special and unique mutual. I grieve your old blog assuming you deleted it or blocked me.

10. how many followers do you have?

1 small wedding

11. how many ppl do you follow?

401. A big chunk are from my old account.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

been on tumblr since 2011 so yeah

13. how many times do you use tumblr a day?

morning scroll, evening scroll. way more during flares.

14. have you ever had a fight with another blog?

I don't have the object permanence skills required for that

15. how do you feel about need to rb posts?

I ignore. if they make you feel better go for it. For me, those posts would be performative and not particularly impactful.

16. do you like tag games?

I guess??? I get horrifically anxious tagging people but I love getting tagged

17. do you like ask games?

yet another thing i love for other people

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

honestly I have a couple

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

every single one

20. tags:

@kidneyprescott @333angelbaby @thedeadd0ll @marmermoon @bi-panic-at-the-disco lmk if you don't want to be tagged ever again

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.