#I had resigned myself to suffering and feeling foolish in front of her.

[graviconscientia]

>:/

[ikesenrambles]

Hello! Is it okay if I request platonic headcanons with the Uesagi-Takeda forces and a Child MC who’s really reckless and hardworking? Like the child runs around Kasugayama doing all the chores and work for other people, she goes into the battlefield to drag and injured soldier out of the way, etc? Sorry if it’s too specific or too much!

Of course it is okay! (´｡･v･｡｀) Thank you so much for sending in a request. I actually really appreciate the detail that you gave me as it helped me better imagine the child MC. I hope that you enjoy~!

Kenshin

At first, he sees you as nothing more than an innocent, foolish little girl. Lord Kenshin is reminded of the fragility and naïveté that Isehime possessed at your age. Still haunted by the memory of her, he does whatever he can to avoid being around you.

Nevertheless, a hard worker like you is certain to leave an impact on Kasugayama castle. You earn praise from Shingen and the others, but it is Lord Kenshin’s admiration that you yearn for the most. You work tirelessly to beat him to any duties he might have, always volunteering to deliver letters to him, to clean his room, and to serve him food in place of the maids.

And yet, Lord Kenshin spurs any offer of help. To him, you are no more than a casualty waiting to happen.

Time and time again, you prove your use to him. You are dedicated and never know when to give up; in this way, you remind him of a younger version of himself.

It’s not until you nearly lose your life on the battlefield that he suddenly realizes that he had inadvertently become so attached to you. He had grown fond of you without meaning to. He has this fierce urge to simultaneously protect you and to push you away - the former because there is no one who could protect you better than him, and the latter because there is no one you need protecting against more than Lord Kenshin himself.

After you endanger yourself trying to pull one of his fallen soldiers to safety, Lord Kenshin decides to lock you up somewhere you could never, ever be hurt. Of course, that hurts you more than anything else.

“Please, please,” you plead, clutching onto the sleeve of his kimono before he can close the cell door behind him. Warm tears fall down your cheeks as you bury your face into his stomach. “I don’t want to be safe if it means letting everyone around me suffer. I’d rather die knowing I did what I could than live knowing that I did nothing.”

He turns back momentarily to refuse, but he is startled by the ferocity that meets his gaze. Reflected in your eyes is the same desperate desire to serve another, the hopeless resignation of failing to protect someone that burned within him for Isehime and now glows for you.

“Teach me how to fight like you.” You let go of his sleeve and step back, kneeling before him and bowing deeply. “Please, I beg you. I want to be able to protect myself. I want to be able to protect the people that I care about.”

He looks away, shocked by your willfulness. Perhaps he was wrong to think of you as delicate when you possessed a strength, a determination, that was anything but. “Get up. You don’t need to prostrate yourself in front of me,” he sighs, a slight smile forming on his lips. “We start tomorrow. I won’t go easy on you this time. Prove to me… that I was wrong about you.”

Shingen

The castle has livened up since your arrival, and Lord Shingen can’t help but be fascinated by the little lady who has seemingly appointed herself as chatelaine of Kasugayama.

He is endlessly entertained by you. He watches you amusedly, eyebrow cocked in curiosity as you diligently pour yourself into your work, cheerfully chat up the maids, and thoughtlessly jump at any and all opportunities to help out around the castle. Your disruptive, overly excitable, and clumsy personality reminds him of Yukimura. He sees potential in you, the same way he saw potential in Yukimura.

Lord Shingen is more than happy to take you under his tutelage. He offers to teach whatever you’d like to learn. This, of course, earns him a dubious look from Yukimura. “Geez, you better not be filling her head with a bunch of useless–”

In your eyes, he treats you more like an adult than any of the other warlords do because he mostly leaves you to your own devices, trusting you to learn by experience. Though it may seem as though he’s not paying you much attention, the reality is that Lord Shingen is always observing your behavior, ready to interfere if ever you find yourself in danger.

Nevertheless, he can’t help but spoil and pamper you as if you were his daughter. Sometimes, you fall asleep in the garden or while sitting in the hallway waiting for another opportunity to prove yourself. On those days, Lord Shingen can’t help but find solace in your soft, sleepy snores. Lifting you into his arms, he is the one who carries you to your room and tucks you into bed after a hard day’s work.

Whenever you two spend time together, women seem to just flock to him. That was never his intention in welcoming you as a part of Kasugayama, but of course, he’s not complaining about it, either.

Your careless decision to risk your life on the battlefield takes him by surprise and leaves he and Lord Kenshin both trembling as they rush to your side. Never before had he felt so proud of and at the same time, so afraid to lose someone.

Though he shares Lord Kenshin’s fear that you will get hurt if not locked away, he knows that it’s unreasonable to suppress someone as fearless and strong-willed as you. He would never want to hold a little warrior like you back…

… especially when he knows it would be doing not only a disservice to you, but to the rest of Kasugayama. After all, it just may be a brave little girl who can shatter Lord Kenshin’s perception of femininity.

Yukimura

You two… are like a rowdy pair of siblings. You’re always butting heads and getting on each others’ nerves, constantly trying to outwit the other and simultaneously making fools of yourselves in front of everyone else. There’s something endearing about each meaningless argument you share; through the hair pulling and the finger pointing, the taunting and the teasing, the both of you care immensely for one another as an older brother and younger sister do.

Of course, Yukimura would never say that outright. He wouldn’t want you to think of him as a total softie. After all, you look up to him… right? (He’s convinced himself that he is one of your idols but the reality is, you probably think he’s about the biggest idiot you’ve ever met.)

He shows his affection for you in the annoyed tone of his voice, in his relentless nagging, and in his playful shove. The two of you roughhouse quite a bit around the castle, Yukimura chasing you through slippery hallways after you throw a soapy, wet towel at his head during sparring practice. It’s these moments that Yukimura treasures the most since it’s about the only time that the two of you get to act like kids again. It always amazes everyone else how being around a child can make Yukimura act even more immaturely than he already does.

Of course, with your hardworking personality and Yukimura’s fierce loyalty to Lord Shingen, the two of you manage to turn everything into some sort of competition. Who can scrub the floors faster? Who can serve tea faster without spilling? It’s all fun and games for the two of you, but for Lord Shingen and Lord Kenshin, it’s like having two more servants!

Although Lord Shingen advises you against spending too much time with Yukimura, explaining that you’ll become a boor like him if you do, the two of you are frequently together. You enjoy accompanying Yukimura on his espionage trips, posing as Yukimura’s little sister so often that you forget every now and then that the two of you aren’t blood-related. You two share a horse and, when you get tired of walking, he’ll let you sit on his shoulders. Finally, you can get back at him for all of the times he ruffled your hair.

With a diligent saleswoman like you by his side, he actually manages to sell a lot of the women’s accessories that he is pretending to peddle in the Azuchi marketplace. For the record, you’re the only person he would ever let stick a stupid flower hairclip in his hair - and you better not bring it up to Lord Shingen because he’d never hear the end of it.

As an older brother figure, Yukimura is extremely protective of you. Like Lord Shingen, Yukimura has given you some of his own well-intended advice. For example, “Make sure you stay away from weird guys like Lord Shingen when you get older.”

Though he’d never admit it, you have come to mean a lot to him. That being said, he feels an obligation to protect you, to keep you safe, to always be by your side. When he sees you running into the battlefield, throwing caution to the wind, he doesn’t even have to think before he’s sprinting to you, throwing himself over you like a shield. It’s the first time you’ve seen him so enraged with you, and your heart sinks to your feet as you realize how your carelessness has hurt him.

“You idiot–…!” he mutters angrily, almost crying bitter tears as the two of you stand in the midst of a storm, surrounded by thousands of fallen bodies and bloodshed. “I don’t want to lose you tonight too…”

Sasuke

Like Yukimura, Sasuke becomes somewhat of a brotherly figure in your life. Whereas you and Yukimura are like the youngest child and middle child, Sasuke is the eldest. He is cool and composed, the mediator for you two.

Sasuke first introduces you as his rambunctious little sister in order to quell any suspicions the warlords might have about your untimely arrival. Awkwardly, he lifts you into his arms away from his body and presents you to Lord Kenshin, Lord Shingen, and Yukimura. “See?” he tells them, expressionless. “Isn’t she cute?” The warlords are stunned by his display of familiarity, so they merely nod their heads in unison in hopes that Sasuke will put you back down.

Taking care of you has been perhaps the wildest experiment experience of Sasuke’s life. A stellar student even in his teenage years, Sasuke had paid attention in his high school Marriage & Family class. Unfortunately for him, the curriculum was lacking in its parenting techniques for children who time travel to wartorn Japan. He approaches you as a new dad would: cautiously. You, tiny, dainty little girl, are as terrifying to him as a butterfly.

Nevertheless, Sasuke is completely committed to ensuring your survival. This ninja has his eyes on you at all times, even if you may not realize it. There is no one who he is as dedicated to as he is to you and your needs; ever since your arrival, you have been his number one priority.

To him, you are a curiosity - an interesting brain to pick. At first, he was worried that you wouldn’t be able to adjust to Sengoku life. But your precocious, albeit careless, personality proves him wrong. Your excellent work ethic makes Sasuke incredibly proud to call you his sister, even if it is just a guise. He is impressed by the way that you quickly adapt to your surroundings and become a functional member of Kasugayama castle.

Even so, he can’t help but worry about you. After all, you’re still a child - and a daring, impulsive child at that. Each time that you mindlessly wander into town alone, each time that you volunteer yourself to go shopping for the warlords, each time that you accompany them to the battlefield… he worries. Sasuke feels responsible for you and your safety.

You are like an uncontrolled variable: out of his reach, unpredictable, and risky. One false move could get you killed in a time like this. To a scientist like him, not being able to anticipate danger and therefore failing to rescue you, is his greatest fear.

For you, he acts as a voice of reason, advising you against acting without thinking. Though he hardly scolds you in the same manner as Yukimura, you will know when you’ve disappointed him. Somehow, the sting of his fallen face is even more painful to bear.

When it comes to you, it’s difficult to Sasuke to rationalize his fierce need to protect you. These past few months that you have spent together, the two of you have grown extremely close. He cares for you as though you really are his sister.

After you almost perish before his eyes, he kneels in front of you for an earnest, face-to-face talk. For what seems to be the first time, you see a flicker of emotion behind Sasuke’s stoic expression. He looks at you silently, then lowers his gaze in thought. “If I were to return without you…” he trails off, “I would never forgive myself.” He glances up at you once more, and you stare into his sincere eyes. “So please, for me…” he murmurs, “Be more careful.”

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

If you enjoy my work, please consider supporting me on my Ko-Fi, ikesenrambles. (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡ 

[queenofcats17]

Two Sides, Same Coin

I recently discovered this game and I wanted to write something for it.

I based the original Hel’s appearance off this concept art. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

She had returned to the throne room. The room where her body lay, slumped in its massive throne. It felt so strange to think of it as her body. She felt disconnected from the gigantic corpse, as though she was looking at a stranger. But that was her. Or...No. That body was Hel. The original Hel. She may have been made with Hel’s genetic material, but she was not truly Loki’s daughter. She had no memories of who he had been before. She had no memories of him at all, save the horrors he had inflicted upon her.

Hel was the only identity she had, though. She had woken up with no memories, no idea who in the world she was. She still had no memories of being her. Of being Hel. But Hel was all she had. And so she would cling to that identity. She sat down on the stone in front of the throne, running her fingers over the scythe. It was still sharp, even after all this time. It did not cut her, though. She had a feeling it was unable to harm her.

“Do you hate him?” A voice came from beside her. She turned quickly, her heart in her throat. A ghost sat beside her, hands folded in her lap. She had not seen her reflection, not in all her brief existence. She had no idea what she looked like. But staring at the ghost beside her, she felt as though she were looking in a mirror. 

The ghost was more substantial than the other shades the new Hel had beheld in her domain and much more distinct. Half her hair was white and half was black. The right side of her body was black, the division marked by white runes that shifted and pulsed. Her right eye glowed with an unearthly light, piercing into one’s very soul with its gaze. Black antlers crept out from under the snow-white hair on her right side. She was dressed similarly to the new Hel, with the addition of a thick fur cape and some added armor and ornamentation that made her look more like the sovereign she was. 

“Do I hate who?” The new Hel asked. 

“Our father,” the ghost replied. “Loki.”

“Of course,” the new Hel answered without a second thought, stumbling to her feet. “I despise him! He’s done horrible things! He doomed the world! He-” Her breath caught in her throat and her left hand went to her right arm. The arm their father had ripped off during her first battle with him.

“That is true,” the ghost conceded. Her gaze swept around the hall. The new Hel knew that this shade was the old Hel. The true ruler of Helheim. Loki’s true daughter. The ghost stood tall, holding herself with purpose and intent. Even in her weary state, she still exuded an aura of regality and confidence. She was the sort who gave orders, not took them.

The new Hel allowed herself a small smile at the thought of Henrik Andersson trying to order around this Hel. She imagined her predecessor would not have been nearly as willing to follow his directions without question. 

“Do you hate him?” The new Hel asked. “It was his fault you were killed, wasn’t it?” 

It had been Loki’s actions that had led to the death of Baldur, which in turn had led to the death of Loki’s children at the hands of the vengeful gods. The new Hel would assume the old would be furious with her father. The ghost hardly seemed the sort who would suffer fools lightly. But the ghost was silent, casting her gaze around the hall once more. 

“Foolish though it may be, I cannot find it in myself to hate him,” the ghost admitted, getting to her feet as well to look the new Hel in the eye. 

“You weren’t angry?”

“I did not say that.” A hint of testiness entered the ghost’s voice as irritation passed across her features. “I was angry. Furious, in fact. He never considered the consequences of his actions. Never thought about whether what he did would affect others around him!” Briefly, her voice rose, years of frustration spilling over. The new Hel took an instinctive step back, fear lancing through her at the building anger. 

“He was so distraught to lose me, but did he not consider that murdering Baldur would cause Odin to retaliate?” The ghost’s voice boomed throughout the hall, the flames on the torches flaring as her anger rose. The foundations shook with her voice. Even as a shade, she was every inch the goddess she was meant to be. The new Hel couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. She lacked the presence of her predecessor. Was she truly worthy to rule this place?

“And to think he was lauded as a strategic genius!” Tears were welling up in the ghost’s eyes as she continued to scream. “Him! That short-sighted fool who couldn’t see beyond his own machinations! What good did any of it do?! What did it bring any of us save for pain and suffering?!” 

Then, all at once, the fire left the ghost. Her shoulders slumped and she sighed heavily. The fearsome goddess was gone, leaving a weary young woman in her place. One hand went up to finger the antlers in her hair.

“I’m sorry,” the ghost whispered. “I didn’t mean to shout.”

“It’s alright,” the new Hel assured her. “I don’t mind.” It made her feel better to know the old Hel was angry as well. It made her feel as though she was less of an imposter.

“But, to answer your earlier question, no.” The ghost cleared her throat, attempting to regain some manner of control. “No, I do not hate him. I cannot hate him.”

The new Hel frowned slightly. After all she’d heard, all the anger the ghost had expressed, she still didn’t hate Loki. The new Hel couldn’t understand why. Why did the ghost still harbor love for the man who had gotten her killed?

“How can you still love him?” She asked, no, demanded. “After all he’s done, how can you still love him?”

“He was not always like that, you know.” The ghost smiled, a resigned expression. “Once, he was kind. Or, as kind as he could be. I am not so delusional as to say he was a good man. None of the gods were truly good people. But he did not set out to destroy the worlds in the beginning.”

“Does that matter?” The new Hel’s voice came out a bit too sharp, perhaps. She held no love for Loki. He had made her life a nightmare from the moment she had awakened on that slab. 

“No. I suppose it does not.” The ghost’s smile fell. “I simply wanted you to know.” She remained standing there, surveying the kingdom that had once been hers. 

“Was he...a good father?” The new Hel asked tentatively, her curiosity getting the better of her. Despite herself, she found herself curious about the person Loki had been before all this. Before the death of Baldur. Before the mask.

“He tried to be,” the ghost said. “He failed at times, but he tried. He wanted us to be happy.” She rested a hand on her fur mantle, a wistful smile crossing her features. “Since I could not leave this place, he did his best to bring the outside world to me. He would often visit to tell me how Jormungandr or Fenrir were doing.”

“Who are they?” The new Hel asked. 

“Our brothers,” the ghost replied mournfully, her smile falling once more. “You encountered a recreation of Fenrir in that facility. The wolf with the two faces.”

The new Hel’s lips twisted at the conflicting emotions the memory of that wolf brought up. It had stalked her, struck fear into her heart. And yet...it had saved her. Time and time again it had come to her aid and kept her from danger. It had stood up against Loki and lost its life for its bravery.

“In his original form, he was quite eloquent,” the ghost continued. “He lacked the silver tongue of our father, but his words held weight. When he spoke, people listened. They had no other choice in the matter.” She smiled sadly again. “I do think he resented me a bit when we were young, though.”

“Resented you?” The new Hel frowned. “Why?”

“I was Father’s favorite. Blatantly. He made no attempt to hide it.” The ghost laughed weakly. “When we were very young, I believe Fenrir hated me for taking all of Father’s attention.”

“But he didn’t hate you forever, did he?” The new Hel asked. “Or he wouldn’t have saved me.” One didn’t sacrifice themselves for someone they hated. Not the way Fenrir had for her.

“His feelings toward me warmed when he realized I was one of the few sensible people in our family,” the ghost laughed again, stronger this time. “I questioned Father’s decisions. I held him accountable. But...” She trailed off, looking back at her own skeleton, slumped in the throne. “That didn’t stop him. It never did.” 

The new Hel wasn’t sure whether to apologize or not. So she stayed silent, waiting to see what else her predecessor would say. 

“I could see through your eyes sometimes,” the ghost said, not looking back at the new Hel. “I must admit, it pained me to see the father I so adored transform into a monster I scarcely recognized.” Her face twisted, whether with pain or regret the new Hel knew not. “To think that he would kill Fenrir...His own son.”

The new Hel lowered her gaze. The memory of the wolf’s death was so much sadder now that she knew of his identity. He had been her brother. Loki’s son. And yet Loki had killed him without a second thought. She was too weary to question how the ghost had seen through her eyes. 

“I suppose the father I knew died a long time ago,” the ghost murmured. She ran a finger over the blade of the scythe. The new Hel would have expected the ghost’s incorporeal flesh to pass right through the scythe. But it did not. 

“My apologies.” The ghost looked back at the new Hel. Her face was devoid of all expression except for weariness. “I believe I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” the new Hel answered. She was glad to have gotten some insight into the person she was made from. And a new feeling for Loki was rising in her chest. 

Pity. 

Pity for the man who had been driven so mad with grief by the loss of his daughter that he had destroyed himself and the world to get her back. It certainly didn’t excuse what he’d done, but part of her understood now. 

The ghost smiled at her successor, then walked into her. Hel gasped at the bone-deep cold that suddenly enveloped her. But as soon as it had come, it was gone. In its place, she felt a power she had not before. An awareness of Helheim and the creatures in it. And, in her heart, warmth and...completion.

It appeared she was worthy to rule after all.  

[ballentines]

Shortest Day | Lowestoft to Lands End

On the morning Sunday 22nd of December 2019 I found myself watching the gradient of the grey sky gradually change at Ness Point signifying the sunrise on the shortest day of the year. I with a group of similarly minded nutters enthusiasts was about to embark on a ~430 mile ride to lands end to catch the sunset. 

How I found myself there starts with a period of time just over a year in which I had gone from ‘L’ plates to a full license, bought a Versys 1000 and joined TVAM and iAM to gain an education in becoming an advanced rider. Which had result in me back in October attending a ‘Look Lean and Roll’ Course in happenstance with Bob Stammers an avid member of the IronButt association in the UK. Who upon hearing that I liked taking a long ride just to catch a sunrise asked what I was upto the weekend before Christmas, some might say I was foolish in replying I had nothing planned.

Some chatting about the details and joining the Iron Butt forum later and I was booking a hotel for the night before and after and working out my plan for the ride from Ness Point to Land’s End on the shortest day of the year. It looked like this; on the 21st ride from High Wycombe to the Premiere Inn at lowestoft avoiding motorways (168 miles), on 22nd ride to Ness Point, then to Lands End, then back to Premier Inn at Hayle (451 miles), 23rd Ride from Hayle to Dibden Purlieu on the Edge of the New forest (212 miles) to spend Christmas with Family. So a nice solid 800mile weekend, with a group of strangers, Bob being the only one I had met before and even him I had only met once...

The 21st came flying round and the day started with a bit of maintenance and getting loaded up before starting the journey to lowestoft in the afternoon. Unfortunately this journey did go quite to plan, when I got to around Stoke Mandeville a lady not paying full attention I suspect in the haze of pre Christmas prep tried to kill me, last minute lurching across the road towards a parking space in front of a shop just a split second before I was about to pass her going the other way. Luckily I had already slowed seeing her waiting to turn and managed to execute a swerve and stop not dissimilar to what you have to perform on your test. My pannier must have missed the front of her car by less than an inch, as I passed here looking in her driver window at the fear and apology in her face which was much to close for comfort. 

After a brief moment of putting my heart back in my chest and unclenching I continued my journey, all was smooth until I got about half way and notice that my gear indicator appears to be stuck on 6th and misbehaving. I pulled over to try and see if a reset would clear it but to no avail, the bike up to this point in my ownership had been faultless. Not to worry its only a gear indicator I can ride without it and continued, nearing my destination I stopped to fill up at great Yarmouth not knowing what the petrol station situation near Ness Point would be like the next morning. 

This was when the next issue would occur, upon leaving the petrol station I suffered a KIBS error on the dash, the bike then I assume in self diagnostics reset itself twice before I could find somewhere safe to pull over. Although I am glad this cleared the error, I do think that it is not the best firmware feature given that it was now dark and the in doing the reset it also turns off the lights which I was needless to say using at the time. Overall I managed to arrive safely at the Premiere in at Lowestoft get unloaded and comfortable before heading down for dinner where I got to meet a wonderful group of friendly and interesting like minded people before hitting the hay for a good nights sleep.

Early Morning Ness Point

The next morning a flurry of bikes headed down to Ness Point to begin what would turn out to be one of the best days riding I have had, the day was overcast breezy and not warm but there was an feeling of adventure and excitement as we started our respective journeys towards Lands End. 

The challenge for this journey was going to be fuel versus time, I had chosen to follow the stock route offered by google maps M25, M3, A303, A30. The tank range on the Versys is good being 21 litres and normally averaging just below 50mpg with my heft on it and the panniers on and fully loaded. I know that I can get 200 miles out of a tank but I am not yet comfortable pushing my luck on the range. 

Sunrise was at 08:06 and Sunset was set to be about 16:00, with google saying that the journey would take 7hours and 44minutes it was going to be tight. I knew I was going to need two fuel stops, some of the Iron Butt members can do this in record time by being organised and sequencing there steps but I am not quite there and figured it would take me 15 minutes a stop at best.

This meant i needed to make up some time, this is where the challenge begins, increasing speed means reducing fuel efficiency, you also don’t want to have to detour much to get find a fuel stop with good prices. In my head the night before I had done this maths and planned to try and make it onto the M3 before coming off somewhere near bracknell for fuel. 

Th e journey began with most of the bike staying in a group, the roads back to the A1 were fantastic and the scenery beautiful. It was an excellent way to start the day with sweeping country roads and no traffic. The A1 though not my favourite road normally flew by with the cruise control coming in useful for large sections. At this point the bikes had split up with me not seeing another familiar bike until I made it onto the M25. It was at this point I started to get twitchy about fuel, looking back I probably could have made my planned stop off the M3 but nerves got the better of me. I dived of the M25 at the M4 heading London bound and pulling immediately off, I managed to find a petrol station within a mile or so and although trying to be quick this stop probably cost me 25 minutes.

Now with enough fuel to make it to the West Country I cracked on, for the most part the mile flew by only hitting a little traffic to filter through at stone henge. And then to practice my overtaking past in the Blackdown hills. Although not the cheapest I pulled off at the Exeter service for convenience also knowing that once filled up I would be able to to the rest of journey without a further stop. A quick sandwidge and some fuel later and I was back on the road, the A30 although once an interesting road for me has become a little dull having done it so much. It also didn’t help that there was an area of average 40 for a fair distance, though the cruise control and low speed did give me a chance to stretch my hands.

It was around Goss Moor when the storm that had been battering the west of the UK hit again, with a sudden bout of extremely sideways rain and gusting winds. I managed to keep cutting through it and as I got to blackwater the worst had passed and it was easing up, the section from carlands cross to blackwater being one of my favourite sections of road. Knowing I am now on the home straight I feel fresh all of a sudden, a little tired a little saddle sore but somehow fresh like the winds still hitting me.

The last section from Penzance to Lands End though a challenging piece of road especially with the mud and gravel in places I attack with gusto and make cracking progress even getting some overtakes in. Arriving a Lands End with time to spare not the first and not the last...

I walk round the side of the Lands End resort and I am greeted by the sheer power and beauty of nature, the wind pushing me side and rolling the waves into a foam. I walk and take some photos unable to find the rest of the group I resign myself to trying to get the best shots I can on the breathtaking life affirming scene in front of me.

With the resort being shut down for Christmas I realise I am able to ride the bike all the way to the front private carpark, where people are sat in there cars watching the beautiful sun gradually set light to the sky in front of them. The shot above was only just possible I had to dig the side stand into the gravel as the wind was so strong it risked pushing the bike over.

After finding the rest of the group we headed back to the hotel in Hayle for a warm shower a slap up meal and some drinks. Sitting in the bar waiting for a table the conversation was alive with tales of the ride at various stages, with stories of various similar rides and what was next on the calendar. 

The next day I slept in had a late breakfast and then headed home, I had emailed Bournemouth Kawasaki on Saturday night and they phone me back Sunday morning. If I could they wanted to get the bike in that day so they could take a look the next day. Which was ideal for me as it was on route to my family destination, I did the ride back as a bit of a tank range eco test setting my target speed at around 68mph, resetting the trip saw the MPG over this journey up at 60. I dropped the bike in on route and they got it sorted over Christmas ready for me to collect at the start of Jan and on the same tank of fuel I did a further ride covering 230 miles on that tank and still no low fuel indicator.

Overall the weekend was a massive success, I saw so much of the country as I rode through it, I made new friends got to see a breathtaking sunset and try my best to capture it. Despite some minor issues the bike lapped up the miles and made this journey so enjoyable and so doable. Looking forward to doing the same next year...

[aedyre]

Alfaris blinked at at the ghostly figure slowly materializing in front of him. A woman, elven, with long dark hair, the left side of her face covered in one large burn -- ah. Yes. The woman from the trial -- Iovara. In the back of his mind he could feel his other incarnation’s unease turn into resignation. It seemed Caolan had expected to find her here.

“You’ve come back”, she said. “ I had thought to have set you on the right path ages ago. Or did I merely fail a second time?”

Anger bubbled up in him, vicious and terrible, almost overwhelming and not his own. Caolan, he said without speaking. Be calm. You don’t have to talk with her if you do not want to.

It was, perhaps, a bit ridiculous considering what Iovara had suffered through after Caolan had captured her for the inquisition, because Caolan had captured her, but even he had to admit that he was far from impartial when it came to his other half.

“You are so different now from who you were then, yet much remains the same--”

“I am not him”, Alfaris interrupted. “I am myself. Caolan is here”, he tapped his right index finger against his head, “but I don’t think he wants to talk to you.” He shrugged and gave her an apologetic look, though with everything she’d been through perhaps it was for the better, anyway.

“...I see”, Iovara said. “What is it that has brought you here, then?”

He smiled. “Caolan, of course. And… someone should really stop Thaos’s plans. I don’t think an empowered Woedica is what the world needs, right now or ever.”

Iovara shook her head. “That is what he collects these souls for? After all this time, he would still stand against the tide.”

Caolan mumbled something to himself that sounded suspiciously like he thought she was right, but didn’t want to agree with her on principle.

Alfaris sighed. “There’s something he -- that Caolan needs from him, but he doesn’t want to tell me what. Do you have any idea?”

That certainly garnered his other half’s attention, and he was none too pleased. No, he said. She doesn’t know anything. Stop wasting our time and go after Thaos already--

“I will tell you what I remember”, Iovara said. She studied him intently, like she was hoping to catch a glimpse of the incarnation she had known in his eyes. “I can see his influence, still hanging like a weight about your neck. So it always was. He had… inspired something in you. We spoke of him last time you were here also.”

Something!, Caolan scoffed. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

“It was just after the trial. You were… agitated. I think because you started to consider that what I was teaching may have been true.”

A sense of dread filled him, once again not his own. It seemed Iovara did know what she was talking about after all.

Her expression morphed into a look of pity and once again she studied his eyes, looking for something. Alfaris remained impassive. If his other half felt so volatile when faced with her, he would be the rock needed.

Eventually she sighed. “That the gods aren’t real.”

...Oh.

He blinked again and furrowed his brows in confusion. Caolan had suddenly gone quiet, like he was afraid of shattering something if he made even a single noise, let loose a mere wisp of emotion. Distantly, Alfaris could hear his friends’ reactions, but he barely listened.

No. It made no sense. He’d spoken and quarreled with the gods and even struck a deal to get down here in the first place.

When Iovara continued he snapped out of his thoughts. “What I taught was that the gods whose faith we had been spreading were not gods at all, but something else entirely. Something created by people.”

“Engwith”, he said quietly and she nodded.

And with that the memories suddenly came, and with them understanding, like this had been all that was needed to break Caolan's control over them, if he ever even had any in the first place.

Alfaris couldn’t help but laugh.

"That is what all this has been about? Whether or not gods are really gods if they were mortal once? Ridiculous!"

Iovara frowned. "Caring about the truth is ridiculous?"

"The truth I see is that we could argue about whether their apotheosis counts as one until the world ends and do nothing but waste our time."

Caolan perked up at this, and Alfaris could feel him getting increasingly excited, like this was what he had hoped for, but not dared expect. Silly. He knew Alfaris. What else could he think?

"The truth is that it doesn't matter what their origin is, but that they failed, be it as guides or as rulers."

This time, the anger he felt was all his own; at the purges of Eothasians and the events at the temple in Gilded Vale, at Raedric's actions in Berath's name, at the Skaenites in Dyrford, at the murder of the Pargrunen, at the Hollowborn curse and Thaos's foolishness in bringing it about.

"And I would stop them just the same were they born divine instead."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever, then Pallegina laughed. "Verus!", she said and clapped him on the shoulder. "I would expect nothing less."

Iovara stared at him, like this was the last reaction she had expected and maybe it was. Her truth had been important enough for her to die after all, important enough to face torture and eternal imprisonment. "How", she started, "how does he… How does Caolan feel about this?"

Alfaris cocked his head and reached out to his other half, but Caolan still steadfastly refused to face her. Very well. He’d play messenger then.

"He… doesn't care either."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "So… That is why he sided with the inquisition? Because he doesn't think the truth matters?"

Alfaris studied her. Where before there had been a slight stoop to her shoulders, now it was much more pronounced. "No", he said eventually. "He did that because he trusted Thaos more than you."

"Oh", she said.

"You could never have convinced him, Iovara. He cares about results, not philosophy. If the gods had kept their promise of making the world better, that would have been good enough for him."

She let out a long breath and it occurred to him how odd it was that a soul would breathe. "Then what is it you -- he needs from Thaos? If that is not what you are divided on?"

No, Caolan said.

You did cause her to be imprisoned here, Alfaris pointed out. The least we can do is answer her questions.

"Thaos never trusted him back enough to tell him about this. Not even… Not even when he asked, after the last time you talked to him."

Once again Iovara’s expression turned to pity and she shook her head. "He never will, no matter what you do. But… You are a Watcher in this life, I see. Perhaps when he can no longer defend himself against that…"

That was enough to cut away whatever excitement had built in Caolan earlier. He didn't want to fight Thaos, even now. He wanted things to go back to how they had been; impossible as that was, and not just because he had died and was sharing this body with someone else.

"We'll see", Alfaris said. He knew what to expect now, knew finally what questions he needed to answer so his other half could have peace and time was running out -- but. "What about you? I could free your soul from this prison."

"No", she answered immediately. "The gods need to be reminded that we have a spirit and that spirit is proof against their power. They have the power to manipulate and confuse and ruin us, but not to change our will. I will remain here until the world crumbles and fades from existence with joy in my heart, knowing I've shown them what they truly are."

Alfaris couldn't stop Caolan’s laughter that bubbled forth at that and if Caolan finally wanted to talk to her he wasn't going to stop him, not when she had looked at him like she’d rather speak to the person she had known instead.

"I'm sure they feel very humbled by you playing their powerless prisoner, Iovara", Caolan said, sarcasm dripping from every word. ""Oh, whatever shall we do! Iovara is still obediently submitting to our sentence! She won't even take the chance to defy us and truly free her soul when offered! Oh, woe is us, she really showed us.""

Iovara had blanched at the sudden outburst. "Caolan-", she started but he shook his head.

"You want to hear why I didn't side with you from me? This is it. Why would I ever put the fate of the world in the hands of an idiot like you?"

"Caolan!", Alfaris interjected. "Enough!"

His other half snorted. "She asked, didn't she?"

He sighed and pushed a wayward curl back behind his ear. What a terrible idea -- he should have known better than to let Caolan speak when he was this upset. "I… I apologize on his behalf. That was uncalled for." He frowned. "Though he's not… Entirely wrong. I very much doubt they care, as long as you don't cause them any more trouble."

Iovara tried to steady herself. "If I left, if I let you send me back to the wheel, I would forget everything I fought for. That would be admitting defeat."

Fool, Caolan said. For once, Alfaris shushed him.

He sighed once again. "It’s a pity, but… I suppose it's your decision to make. I… should go after Thaos, before he can complete his plan."

"...Yes", she agreed. "I… Hope you will find an end to your soul’s suffering."

Caolan's pithy retort died on their tongue when Alfaris did the soul equivalent of pinching him. He gave Iovara a polite bow and then turned towards the exit.

"Let's go."

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf! daniel

a/n; happy birthday to kang choding hehe,, dedicated for my dearest mother @mongniel aurora until she disowned me so im trying to validate myself and also the loyal mom, ariane @deepdickdaniel

(repost bc the tags werent working)moodboard will be uploaded in a seperate post soon!

major: vetinary

minor: sports science

honestly took up vetinary bc of peter and rooney

so he could save on the fees to the vet

though he puts up a strong front he is often a kultz and actually really soft??

likes kids too and often swings by the early childhood department to visit minhyun

but let’s face it, animals like him better than the babies do

has a phobia of insects, especially flying ones

hence cant join practical lessons that involves specimen or live insects

his classmates would be kind enough to share with him the notes they took in class, but he would rather fail the topic than look at notes of insects

there was once his friend, ong threw a fake spider whilst daniel was studying and he screamed, pushing off the seemingly 1 ton table and chair away from him

ong was like,,, “are you sure he wants to be a vet next time”

despite his phobia of insects, he will actually grin and bear it when he needs to remove lice from animals

red bull and gummy addict, but more likely to die of shock from insects than diabetes

you will always spot a can of red bull on his lecture desk, and bet 10 bucks it has a love note attached to it from his admirers

fairly popular in school, because a soft, tall and cute guy doing vetinary?? he just screams boyfriend material in that white lab coat

and glasses slipping down his nosebridge just makes him look even more cuter

loves dancing as a hobby so he took it up as his minor

does b-boying and modern dance, looks equally hot in both

when the school hall is filled with girls, it is either some kpop boy band is performing, or daniel and his dance group, wanna one are performing

has so much charisma in his dancing, the idea of “cute daniel” gets thrown away

but a cute bunny most of the time who is addicted to gummies

surprisingly, hasn’t dated a lot as contrast to rumours that he’s a fuckboy

he really hates fucking around with others’ feelings… despite being choding(childish) around his hyungs of wanna one

meanwhile you,, a medicine student trying to keep up with the expectations of society

to be honest, you’re doing well

but not well enough to enter the top hospitals of seoul

and you’re here on scholarship anyway, might as well make use of it to make your parents proud

you’re your parents’ only child too, the pressure to do well is also quite high

you barely dated, the only time was in high school where you were a foolish teenager dating your best friend

you did have classmates confessing to you though, but everything stayed platonic

they weren’t upset surprisingly, they were more than willing to be friends with you too

eventually they found their other halves, but are still good friends with you

you were glad guys in your faculty were understanding,, unlike some that disliked you after that

you were friends with jaehwan, your old friend since the both of you were in diapers

he took up music, and ended up having lots of college scholarship offers

he eventually went to your college, despite it not one of his first few choices

“my friend would die a lonely virgin if i didnt help her with her love life”

“shut up jaehwan, 80% of your girlfriends broke up with you because your laugh is annoying”

“i dId NOT aSk for this sLaNdEr”

anyway, you had no idea how jaehwan ended up in wanna one(and daniel’s roomate), depite his “boom boom-bastic” dance skills

winkwonk

but that boy’s vocals can reach to the gods in heaven and appease them

he tried to matchmake you with all of the members of wanna one(excluding the minors of course) but it all failed because your friend was the worst at being discreet

the lords of venus eventually shined upon you when daniel was sent to your faculty for “emergency” treatment

“y/n,,, we need you to fix daniel, quick.” jaehwan said breathlessly over the phone

“if he needs a one night stand, im not an option, you know that, kim jaehwan.”

“no, that stupid boy accidentally cut himself while trying to disect a frog… and he’s bleeding a lot.”

“oh the flower boy from vetinary?” you nodded as you took your first aid kit, “but you aren’t even majoring in vetinary, jaehwan, what are you doing with daniel?”

“he called me to call you– ok nevermind, i’ll explain to you later, we’re on our way to your faculty. wait for us outside the medicine labs.”

“uh okay.”

so there you were, waiting outside the medicine labs with your first aid kit

seconds later, you saw 3 boys running towards you, one visibly taller than the other 2

you could finally make out their faces, it was jaehwan, daniel and another boy, wonwoo whom you were friends with due to jaehwan’s failed matchmaking

“y/n,, i think daniel is gonna suffer from anaemia…”

you tried to stifle your laughter as you examined the cardigan wrapped around daniel’s hand

“he won’t. don’t worry.” you assured them as you unraveled the cardigan, “let’s just hope it’s nothing too deep…”

when you revealed the wound, it was just a minor cut, though not as minor as a paper cut but definitely bleeding

you glared at jaehwan, who smiled sheepishly and resigned to his death after you treated daniel

you dressed the wound quickly, lips pursed in concentration

what you didnt notice was daniel’s gaze, which was on you the whole time

he had a weird feeling in his stomach, he wanted to use his other hand to run it through your hair

he tried to shake it off, but he got more and more attracted to you when he saw your eyes meeting his to make sure he isnt uncomfortable

this wasnt the first time daniel saw you though, he often saw you on jaehwan’s lockscreen, as your friend had set the selca both of you took as his lockscreen

as much as daniel wanted to meet you, he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression because of his rumours

and now he finally did, but he was pretty sure you’re gonna hate him for being over-reacting

“done,” you patted his dressing and pushed his hand towards him, “it’s nothing too deep, don’t worry. but make sure to take it off when you’re showering, if you need any help just give me a call.”

daniel shot you one of his signature eyesmiles, “thank you so much, i’m sorry i had to make you rush down for me…”

“no its fine! just call me whenever. i hope you get well soon.” you smiled, then tiptoed to daniel’s ear, “just don’t tell jaehwan though, he can be a little, nosey.”

you were lying if you said daniel wasn’t attractive and totally did not win you over with his eyesmile in the span of 3 seconds

“and kim jaehwan, you owe me a meal. for helping your friend and putting up with your drama.”

at this point, daniel was totally smitten

everyone could see it, even the members of wanna one started teasing him about it

“i can set you up with a date with y/n if you want–”

“no i dont like her peter and rooney are my girlfriends”

daniel totally did not ask almost everyone in his faculty for your number

when he finally had the guts to text you, he was all giddy when you replied, jumping up whenever he heard the personalized notification just for your contact

meanwhile, while you were talking to daniel, you really loved it when he talks about animals, it seemed like all time has stopped in the world and his passion for taking care of animals is just so attractive

and he didnt seem like the usual fuckboy everyone perceived him to be

one day, daniel asked you out for a pizza date, and you immediately agreed

because free pizza and a cute date, why not

the both of you ended up going to laundry pizza, just bc daniel said ioi went there to take their album jacket photos there LOL

but the pizza there was good so you weren’t complaining

daniel ended up paying for the both of you, after 15 minutes of rentless argument over who should pay

the both of you also went to the arcade, wasting your money on those claw machines

you didn’t get anything, but you had fun throwing airballs at the basketball machine thingy

daniel walked you back pretty early, because he knew you had a morning lecture the next morning

not gonna lie, you wanted to stay longer but daniel was not gonna have any of it

daniel walked you till your doorstep, and your hands were fumbling through your purse for your keys

looks like someone forgot their keys,,,

you laughed humourlessly as you tried to open the locked door, but only for daniel to giggle along with you

your roomate was out too, and she wouldn’t be back till the next morning

“i dont think its safe for you to be sleeping outside, why dont you stay over at my place?”

“im–”

“ok let’s go”

you didnt even say anything and here you are, at daniel’s dorm, unsure of what to do

just watching daniel hastily clean up his dorm is quite amusing

“jaehwan wont be back till really late, he has an event to attend to.” daniel smiled as he proceeeds to kick the sweet wrappers under the sofa, “i’m sorry you have to put up with this, y/n.”

“no, no, thank you for letting me stay here, or i’ll be freezing in the cold right now.” you shook your head, yawning

“do you want a change of clothes? i have a hoodie you can wear…hopefully”

you never knew you would be staying in daniel’s dorm, on his bed, in his hoodie

until today

you slept fairly well, with daniel’s scent invading all your senses

until you felt something on your foot

you woke up, scared

the thing kept probing at your feet, and soon it was licking it

you screamed, and soon enough daniel ran into his room to see what happned

“y-y/n?” he rubbed his eyes as he turned on the lights, “what happened?”

“s-something was at my foot”

daniel moved the sheets, and he found rooney peacefully sleeping on the foot of the bed

“i’m sorry, rooney always likes to invade the bed in the middle of the night,,, i should’ve told you earlier”

“it’s fine, i was just too shocked hahaha”

silence

“maybe i’ll sleep with you, so peter and rooney wont disturb us”

you stared at daniel, as he quickly waved his hands, “no, no, i wont do anything, i swear, you can end me if i do.”

neither of you could sleep, so daniel nudged you

“y/n… i know its weird to say this but,, i like you”

well that was really weird

“i don’t expect you to accept me and all but i just wanna let you know that i–”

you cut daniel off with a kiss, as he sneakily snaked his arms around your waist to bring you closer

after a good like, 20 seconds, you pulled away, “me, rejecting kang daniel?? no way.”

ever since the both of you started dating, jaehwan started to brag about himself, saying that the both of you were a couple thanks to him,,,

but would shut up immediately after he sees you in the vicinity because he would be running away from you

a very cute relationship, daniel would always wrap his arms around your shoulders and snuggle you close to him

instant ramen dates are a big thing and you always have to clean up after daniel

but he helps of course, after hearing you nag at him for the nth time

he would always make you a bento before your papers, with a note that says, “with this bento, you will do well! fighting! love, daniel”

and vice versa, you would bake him muffins too

sweetest boyfriend, but the type to say pick up lines to annoy the heck out of you

they arent even smooth, theyre hella bad

and yes, kang choding still exists

you have to physically stop him from buying/eating more gummies or his teeth would rot

since daniel is relatively bigger in size, you would always steal his clothes and he would always wonder how his clothes would mysteriously go missing

he would know the answer when he sees you the next morning

the whole campus ships the both of you sm

please love kang daniel

[initiala]

Dark Horse - Chapter 21 - COMMENTARY (1/3)

Yes, this is coming to you in three parts. This is one of the 10k chapters and commentary in just this part sent it over 11k, so I know Tumblr isn’t gonna like this much.

@yayimallamaagain asked for commentary on chapter 21. So if you haven’t read chapters 1-20, you’ve been warned!

To start off, I don’t remember what happens in this chapter! It’ll be an experience for everyone.

It's a tense drive back to Storybrooke, one that Emma spends rehearsing and re-rehearsing what she's going to say to Regina. She'll probably appreciate it more if I get right to the point, she thinks, passing the "Welcome to Storybrooke!" sign on the outskirts of town. But is this really something to just blurt out? "Hey, so Gold definitely pushed your kid into making himself sick by making him a stupid promise to get him into jockey school, we should probably do something about that." Yeah, that's not gonna go over well or anything.

The thing is, Emma isn't sure there is a delicate way to put this. Regina's going to be furious no matter what. It's just a matter of whether or not to let her blood pressure skyrocket immediately, or to give it a slightly more gradual climb.

Oh wait is this after Emma goes and talks to Neal?? Regardless, yes let’s be conscious of Regina’s blood pressure.

As she makes the turn down Regina's street, she sees another familiar car coming towards her. Emma frowns slightly as Belle drives past her, not even waving as she goes - it's not like anyone else in Storybrooke drives a bright yellow Volkswagon, so it's unlikely Belle wouldn't know it's her. Emma parks in front of Regina's house and gets out, looking down the street as Belle turns the corner and away. She doesn't know Belle well, not really, so perhaps she's friends with someone else who lives on this street. But Belle's husband also works with Regina - in kind of a loose sense of the phrase - so it would make sense for Belle to drop by the house for some reason or another. Maybe Belle knows about Gold's thing with Henry, she thinks, surprising herself with the leap.

Why was Belle seeing Regina… I forget if she was lawyering up at this point or not, or if she was just seeking advice about what she knew about Gold. I do remember it was around this point when things started picking up in the background, but not exactly.

Emma's mouth twists. Only one way to find out.

She shifts her weight on the balls of her feet impatiently after ringing the doorbell. She knows Regina's home - her car is in the driveway - but Robin's the one who answers the door. "Hi," Emma says, blinking. Robin looks a bit - well, she doesn't know the right word for it. Haunted? Haggard? "Are you - is everything -"

Robin gives a thin-lipped smile. "It's been an… an interesting day, let's say." He shakes his head a little. "My apologies. Hello, Emma, what can I do for you?"

Emma makes a face. She knows the feeling. "Is Regina here? I called the office and they said she was working at home today."

Okay so I know I go into Regina’s work a lot more in her side story, but I LOVE HER OFFICE. It’s located in ~Friendship~, just to irritate her more, it’s in a gorgeous converted house, and she works with the QoD and Isaac. And there’s a mentor relationship with Mal. And I loved writing Mal. Anyway. This is the DVD commentary, so have my thoughts at whimsy.

"Yes, of course. Come in, I think - yes, she'll probably be glad to see you."

Robin waves her in and she wonders about his statement - the wording of it more than the sentiment. Not that she dislikes seeing Regina, but 'glad to see you' is not in the top three phrases Emma would associate with Regina's feelings towards her. Top five, probably. Maybe not number four though. Regardless, it has her curious as she toes off her shoes and Robin directs her towards the office. She hears Regina moving around the room as she walks up to the door. "Hey, Regina, was that Belle I saw - oh." Emma comes up short in the door, raising her eyebrows as she sees Regina pouring herself a glass of amber-colored liquid from a crystal decanter. "Day drinking now, I see? Perks of working at home."

Regina doesn't even look surprised to see her, barely sparing her a glance as she raises the tumbler to her lips. "We can't all be pinnacles of virtue, Miss Swan. Shouldn't you be off moping somewhere?"

Emma crosses her arms. Regina's looking for a fight and Emma's not sure she's going to give her one. "So whatever Belle was here for wasn't good, I take it?"

"I'm afraid that falls under client confidentiality."

"So, no."

Probably lawyering up then. I really don’t remember. Anyway, as much as Emma and Regina bickering infuriates me in the show, I love writing it?? It never comes across in canon that they needle each other to do better, it just comes across as them being mean to each other. But in fanfic, we can show it how it should be: the needling one another, the pushing to do better, the understanding that they’re alike and that giving the angry person a safe space to blow up at is ultimately going to be beneficial. If I was going to name similar characters, I’d say Rei and Usagi, but ultimately Regina and Emma are more alike than that and it’s how their relationship develops to this point. Where Rei would give someone a “The Care and Feeding of Your Usagi” booklet and threaten anyone within an inch of their life if harm should come to Usagi, Regina is more the type to be like “There’s no way you’ll live through this” and Emma is all “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” and survives to prove her wrong. And vice versa. There’s a lot of spite motivation, is what I’m saying. Also this got long, but DVD commentary.

Regina leans against her desk, glaring at her. "Emma, just say whatever it is you came here to say and then leave me in peace, all right? Today has not gone the way I wanted it to and I would be grateful if you didn't add to my misery."

Emma purses her lips, then goes for the decanter herself. She glances up at Regina as she uncorks it; Regina gives her a long-suffering look before inclining her head. Emma pours herself two fingers and takes a sip - bourbon. She makes a face at the strength, then downs half of it for courage. "Seems like you've had a bit of a day as well," Regina observes as Emma goes for a refill.

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you visit your ex in prison."

Her words have the intended effect - Regina sets down her glass and folds her arms, watching Emma with intense interest. "You saw Neal," she says.

Emma nods, taking another sip. She doesn't go into the full details - one trip down memory lane is enough for the day - but she does tell Regina about the letter and rehash what Neal told her about Gold and Henry. Regina's face remains impassive as Emma tells her about Gold's visit and his sudden interest in Henry; if anything, Emma would have expected some sort of confirmation about Gold's prior lack of interest in him. Regina's worked with Gold and seen him near Henry much more than Emma, but she doesn't even twitch when Emma tells her about Gold's supposed guilt over failing Neal and how he's now directing his efforts into doing good by someone else: Henry. Emma even digs in further with Gold's Jockey Club connections, but she's met only with Regina's silence, coupled with one finger slowly tapping against her arm and a slightly pinched frown on her face.

Finally, Emma scowls. "Okay, what do you know that I don't?"

Regina sighs. "All of that, apparently," she says drily. At Emma's stunned look, Regina picks up her tumbler and takes another sip. "Henry told me everything the night he got hurt. So I've known about Gold's meddling…" She pauses here and Emma wonders what words she's filtering out before she finally settles on, "Foolishness for weeks now."

I do remember having a long argument with myself about what Regina would say there. The problem with someone as poised and painfully aware of herself around others as Regina is that you can’t just toss in “meddling fuckery” and expect to get away with it. Now I could do that with Emma, but not Regina.

It's Emma's turn to set her glass down, propping her hands on her hips. "And you never thought to tell me? I had to go to Neal about all of this?"

Regina side-eyes her. "Emma, don't be ridiculous," she says, taking another sip of bourbon before setting her glass down. "We were handling things, I have two colleagues handling Gold, and to protect Henry we haven't told anyone who didn't need to know."

That stings, and Regina knows it from the brief moment she flinches. Emma's temper flares up, her cheeks warming as she grinds her teeth together. "Oh, so you ignoring me for a week about Henry being sick means I don't deserve to know I was right? Your blatant dismissal of my concerns means I don't deserve to know how he got that way? Oh wait, no, you're right, I'm not family," she snaps, still sore from being kept out after the accident. "I don't care about Henry at all, I'm not capable of caring about anyone who I can't get anything from -"

She cuts herself off, furious with herself for letting her memories of Gold get to her now, furious that her eyes sting with tears, furious that even though she hasn't punched anyone she still can't keep a lid on her temper. She swipes at her eyes uselessly, sniffling before taking her glass and downing the rest of her bourbon. She glances up at Regina, whose eyes are closed and is standing in a resigned sort of way against her desk. There's a long moment of silence, occasionally punctuated by Emma's occasional sniffles, trying to get her emotions under control. "I may be a lot of things," Regina says finally, unfolding her arms and bracing them on the edge of her desk, "but I'm not Gold. And I was wrong."

Emma doesn't let her surprise at the admission show. It's one thing for Regina to have an admission of wrongness, it's another to actually get her to apologize for it.

I’m starting to remember things as I read. This is one of the more important conversations that happens in this story, out of a lot of important conversations. Everyone in this universe does a lot of growing up, regardless of their age; ultimately, it’s about a family that goes through a traumatic upheaval and we see where the pieces land after a year of events. It starts with Graham’s death and snowballs from there, and no one is the same at the end of it all. But this signifies how Emma and Regina’s relationship has changed: Emma’s been out of Henry’s life for a long time now and coming back has made Regina rethink a lot of things. Emma grew up without anyone realizing it and that’s largely where her conflict with her extended family comes from. Five years ago, Regina keeping Emma out of this would have made sense. Now? Emma deserved to know. And with everything else going to hell around them, giving her this peace of mind could have helped or prevented a lot of other things.

Regina pushes off of her desk, taking slow steps in a meandering circle as she wrings her hands, her right thumb pressing into her left palm. "I let this happen," she says after a minute or so. "I've been focusing a lot on the future, on a future that might not ever come to pass. I wasn't there for Henry, and he didn't let you be there for him either. We both thought he was capable of handling himself, of being a teenager, and then this happened. And it's my fault more than anything else. I should have been paying attention."

"Regina," Emma says with a sigh. "He was pretty determined to hide this from everyone. Even when you were paying attention you didn't see it."

She's been on the receiving end of a lot of Regina's cold stares before, but this might rank in the top three. "There are signs," she says, turning crisply and pacing a little more quickly now. "There are signs and if I had just -"

"Just what?" Emma asks, her exasperation growing.

After another moment, Regina's pacing slows, and then she starts talking. Emma's never heard Regina speak of her mother before, but from the way Regina's telling it now, the woman could give some of Emma's foster mothers a run for their money. At least Emma was always passed on to someone else after a few months - she never had to deal with eighteen years of an emotionally abusive control freak. Regina sits, resting her chin on her folded hands as she stares at the carpet vacantly and talks about a past Emma doesn't blame her for never sharing. "You don't really think he's predisposed to it, do you?" Emma asks when Regina pauses for long enough. She's skeptical of the idea, but she's not an expert.

Coming up with Regina’s backstory in this universe was very fun. It was heartbreaking, but it was fun as a creator and as a writer to envision how someone like Regina would have developed and been shaped in a world without magic. Even letting her have her happy ending with Daniel for a while was fun, playing with the ER headcanons that Regina is unable to or has a difficult time conceiving and how that plays out when you consider her age in this universe (38).

Regina shakes her head. "No, but there are other factors. I've been more concerned about my own actions, how closely they've mirrored Cora." She sighs and Emma doesn't know what to say, if she can say anything. "And then there's Robin…"

Emma feels herself tense. "What about Robin?" she asks warily. She likes him, she doesn't want to add to her extensive blacklist.

Friends fiercely protecting each otherrrrrrrrr.

As if sensing Emma's thoughts, Regina glances up wryly. "Nothing like that, Miss Swan. But we were… A lot of planning went into this summer. A lot of plans for future plans."

Emma fights the urge to roll her eyes. "I'm starting to get a buzz here, so if we could skip this "I'm very mysterious" thing and get to the point, I'd appreciate it."

I really like this line, and also I wish we could use this kind of thing more often in canon.

That statement earns her another long-suffering look, but Emma's buzzing enough not to care. Regina sighs, dropping her hands. "Robin and I… have been discussing the possibility of having a baby."

This time Emma does let her surprise show.

She finds herself sinking into Regina's desk chair as the whole story finally comes out: Regina's early marriage to Daniel; their difficulties conceiving and how many miscarriages Regina had before she and Henry hung on to one another; how they'd almost lost hope at having their own child; how much of a physical and emotional toll each and every lost potential future had put on her; how alone she'd felt even when Daniel had been grieving as well. Emma feels her jaw going slack the more Regina talks, the more the puzzle pieces from earlier this summer get put together. This is why Regina had acted so oddly when Mary Margaret said she was pregnant. The stiff speech, the way she'd gone from motherly to closed-off in a matter of moments.

Regina had been jealous.

She knocks back the rest of her own bourbon when she's done. "Wow," Emma says.

"I'd appreciate it if what was said here stayed between us," Regina says, her stern tone not matching the melancholic look in her eyes. "I tend not to go shouting that to everyone."

"I can see why," Emma says, rolling forward and bracing her elbows on the desk. "So you're…"

"We've put that plan on hold for now," Regina explains. "Clearly, if we can't focus on the children we have, we have no business having more. But I expect… I hope, rather, that helps you understand why I closed you out of all of this."

A mentality I wish more people would consider, but if wishes were pies I’d weigh more than I do.

Regina has never wanted anything but the best for Henry, and Emma does have a better understanding of why now - aside from what she supposes the usual wants of mothers are. She can see where Regina would find this an acceptable situation to be overprotective, even from someone who cares deeply for Henry as well. It's not an easy truth for Emma to swallow, but she can't see herself behaving differently, if she were Henry's mother and he was in danger from anyone or anything.

Regina takes a breath and exhales slowly. "And," she says, stressing it with a very pointed pause, "I'm sorry for that, Emma." She gives it a moment to sink in before adding drily, "I hope you appreciate the gravity of that."

We all appreciate it when you muster up the courage to apologize and be sincere about it, Regina.

Emma rolls her eyes, but she smiles as she looks away. She knows to let Regina have the last word there and lets it drop. They're alike, Regina and her, and she knows when saying thanks would just make her uncomfortable.

Her smile fades when she catches sight of a photo of Henry, grinning and holding the bridle of one of their horses. She doesn't remember the last time she saw Henry so earnest and happy - has he even looked like that since she's been back? She chews on the inside of her lip for a moment, drawing one leg up and looping her arms around it. "What are we going to do about Gold?" she asks quietly.

Regina scoffs. "We?"

"Regina."

She sighs and gets up, taking her tumbler and picking up Emma's on her way to the decanter. It's almost empty by the time she finishes refilling both glasses and passing one to Emma. "Do you happen to remember a particular incident when you were being an ass?"

Emma gives her the evil eye as she takes a sip. "Gosh, if we go by your count there's so many to choose from," she snarks. "Would it be the one where I punched him in the face? Because I've thought about that. I can tell you exactly how I want to do it this time, if you want."

She catches a peek of a quick smile before Regina covers it with her drink. "The less I know, the better - from a legal standpoint, you understand."

Have I mentioned that I love these two as drinking buddies? Because I love these two as drinking buddies.

Emma swirls the bourbon in her glass, trying to remember their conversation in the barn the previous spring. The alcohol isn't helping her memory, even if it's helping water down her emotions. "I seem to remember something about you trying to get me to share my toys. And letting people who aren't emotionally invested take care of things. Which… how aren't you invested?"

"I have a few colleagues working on it," Regina says again. "My mentor works in family law. Gold's particular brand of child endangerment is right up her alley. I've been in touch with someone at our sister office as well who specializes in criminal law. So yes, I am letting people who aren't emotionally invested handle things. I've given them the facts, and I have a new file of additional information to send to Zelena in the morning."

I am not a Zelena fan so I wasn’t planning on adding her into the story. But giving her a mention at the sister office not only satisfies my need for an awful pun, but also begrudgingly says “yes yes, she’s in the universe, I’m not telling you anything else about her so there”.

Emma raises an eyebrow. "So Belle was here." She would have bet a lot of money that Belle wouldn't ever go against her husband, no matter what she knew - some sort of wifely loyalty or whatever.

Or being unable to testify against him in court under normal circumstances, but whatever. My universe, my rules.

Regina makes a face, setting aside her tumbler. "And that's enough bourbon for me. Again, I don't need to request that all of this stays here. Believe me, Miss Swan, I will know if it doesn't."

Emma would also bet a lot of money on Regina having a file of blackmail on every person she knew, and she'd probably win that bet if she cared to look for evidence. Anyway, it's not like Emma has anything to tell. Belle was here about something, maybe related to this bullshit with Gold and Henry, and it's now Emma's job to sit back and let the law handle things. "Yeah, yeah," she says instead, setting her glass down. She nudges the mouse by accident, causing the computer screen to wake up. Emma blinks when she sees the website Regina had been looking at before her computer had gone to sleep. "So, you and Robin can't handle having a third kid right now, but you can handle a puppy?"

First, I really just like the image of Regina and a super-secret filing cabinet filled with potential blackmail for everyone in her life. For Roland, it’s stuff like “how to get him to behave for Santa at Christmas”. But yeah, legalities aside I’m certain Regina has dirt on just about everyone. It’s a way nicer interpretation of the heart vault.

As she glances towards Regina, Emma is delighted to note a flicker of panic on the other woman's face. "Why are you looking at my computer?" Regina asks, getting up and hurrying over.

She’s handling this much more calmly than I would. I have nothing but purity and innocence on my computer and I would still slap someone for touching my computer without my approval.

"It just woke up, I must have hit the mouse or something." Emma's amusement grows as Regina hurries around the desk to close out of everything. "Seriously, a dog? You know those are like, eternal toddlers right?"

"Yes, Miss Swan, I'm quite aware, thank you," Regina snaps. Emma should have started a tally, she's pretty sure she's hit a record for 'Miss Swan's today. "It's - the boys have been - Roland has been after us about a dog for a while," she continues, her tone softening. "And Robin and I have been discussing it - if Henry continues to get better - as some sort of reward. We're looking around at shelters, weighing options."

"It's a dog, not deciding between a four-cylinder or a six-cylinder," Emma says drily.

"It's a lifestyle change," Regina counters. "There's a lot to consider, particularly if Robin and I are scaling back on work."

Also if Regina wants to be vacuuming way more often.

Emma's eyebrows go up again. She knew about Robin's cancelled classes the previous month from Henry, but a full scaling back is news to her. Regina doesn't seem to notice her surprise and Emma glances back at the blank screen. "You bringing one of the saddles back from the Horn, then? I think we have horses smaller than some of those dogs you were looking at."

"If I send you to pick up that saddle, will you actually speak to Killian?" It's a low blow, even for Regina on a buzz of her own. She seems to realize it when she stiffens. "I'm sorry, that was -"

Ah yes, the “everyone ships it” thread is coming back, I forgot about this.

"It's okay," Emma cuts her off. It's a low blow, but it's a true one. "I know… Well, I don't know. I don't even know how much you know. But I had a - a flash of realization today. When I left the prison earlier I had two phone calls to make, and I thought - I thought Henry's best interests came first. Even though it turned out you already knew."

I know she wanted to call Killian but I have absolutely no recollection of why. I also know there was the “find happiness” line from Quiet Minds that gets repeated a lot later, so maybe that has something to do with it? At this point in the timeline I don’t THINK Emma has gone to Boston yet and had her revealing talk with Anna that she’s in the forever kind of love with Killian, but it has been SO LONG since I have had to keep the timeline straight in my head that I don’t remember.

She looks up just as Regina smiles sympathetically. She glances towards the door. "Well, I'm not letting you leave until you've sobered up a bit. Why don't you stay for dinner? I'll go talk it over with Robin and you use the rest of that liquid courage to make that second call."

Oh, she’s calling anyway. Nevermind.

Emma nods, looking back down. Regina leaves her to it as Emma pulls her phone out of her back pocket. She's not sure how much liquid courage she has left, really, or if the fun part of her buzz is fading into the depressing part that seems to linger a lot longer before sobriety returns. She flips her phone over in her hands a few times, thinking about what she's going to say -if he'll even speak to her at all, though he seemed pretty intent to two weeks ago.

Go find Tallahassee.

Is there even a Tallahassee to find?

Or is she too scared to even look?

She sighs in disgust, mostly at herself and her nerves and how fucked up her entire life is that she can't even make what should be a simple phone call. She unlocks her phone and scrolls through her contacts. Killian's photo smiles at her - that smile she lo-liked so much, the one that made his eyes glint and made her think he always had some private joke he was about to share. He's wearing his Stetson, the brim pulled down low like he's John Wayne or something. She remembers the day she took that picture - it was a Sunday back at the end of June, when they were still a poorly-kept secret, and he'd been leaning against the rail on his front porch. The boys were bringing in some of the horses after a gate-training session; she'd sent him a dirty text right before she'd driven over - telling him how many ways she wanted to ride him, how she wanted to suck him off, how she wanted to make him scream.

Ah so she hasn’t quite come to terms with how she’s in love with him yet, okay. Also I still want someone to draw that picture of him. And also I seem to remember that the last line about a dirty text was one of my “please be patient with me while I get these kids sorted out, here’s some mild filth in the meantime” peace offerings.

He'd barely waited until they were inside before kissing her breathless, stripping her out of her clothes in the living room, and bending her over the back of the couch.

The cats hadn't been too happy about that.

…..okay now I want to read quick and dirty bent-over-the-couch fucking. I don’t want to write it but I sure do want to read it.

Her cheeks now flushed from more than just alcohol - seriously, that was a bad thought trail to wander down - Emma presses the call button before she loses her nerve. She holds her breath the entire time it rings, then tries not to feel too disappointed when it goes to voicemail. She swallows hard, really hating how the tremor in her voice gives her away. "Killian - hi, it's uh, it's me. Emma?"

One thing that happens a lot in this universe is awkward voicemails. I love writing them. It’s just babbling. It’s so fun. Anyway, stick around for parts 2 and 3!

[honoura]

- How would you prefer to pass away? Surrounded by loved ones and at peace, or while doing something heroic?

The private rubbed a spot behind her ear, brows furrowed. There was a long pause, with her shoulders tensing, like there was so much to say on the topic but at the same time, a worry about how it’d be received. “Neither really. I’ve seen both. I can’t say I took much comfort away from them.” Now there was a twitch of her nose, like Honoura knew that wouldn’t be enough of an explanation.“The deaths where you get to be around your loved ones aren’t ever peaceful. Had a grandfather who wasted away in his bed for a year. Every time we saw him we left for home thinkin’ it’d be the last time we would. A couple of times I think Father was afraid he’d die right in front of us.” She scratched her elbow and coughed, twice. “I don’t think I could do that to someone else if they cared for me that much. Just... sit there and disappear in front of them. And I mean. I barely remember him now ‘cept sittin’ in a bed, wheezin’ and hands shakin’ like leaves in a breeze. I’m not even sure he knew us from all his other grandkids proper by the end. And that’s not really him is it, that’s just... death.” She could think of one other memory just as strong. Hands, deft ones. Hands that could carve shapes out of any bit of old wood or could mend a shirt or braid a child’s hair. But nothing else was as impressionable; when Honoura tried to recall her grandfather’s actual face, all that came up was her father’s, aged up. Maybe that was how he’d really looked. Maybe she just wished her father had gotten to be that old.“As for heroics,” she spat,“That’s a nice word to say when someone you loved’s died violently, and they prolly suffered in a way you can’t really talk about because it isn’t polite to, but it was for somethin’ everyone generally agrees was the right thing to do, so maybe we’ll just call ‘em a hero to the family and hope that’ll make ‘em feel a little bit better.” Her hands had some become clenched together, fingers interlocked and resting in her lap. One big fist out of two small hands. “They called my little brother a hero after the Calamity. They couldn’t even tell me how it happened. Or why nothin’ but his things from camp came home. I had to find that out later, yeah? From a friend of his. Tried to make me feel better he’d been turned to ash by sayin’ ‘at least he was a hero’. Had neighbors who hadn’t spoken to us in 6 years come crawlin’ out to say that to us. Mum dealt with it for a sennight ‘fore she chased ‘em all back with a lance he’d left at home.” She tilted her head, a small puff of a laugh escaping. “An’ I’m not sayin’ I’m not foolish enough to follow after him. I mean, grand company right? Signed up for one myself, probably means I’m resigned somewheres to meetin’ the end the same way. Just don’t let them call me somethin’ I’m not when they do. Or somethin’. I’m prepared to do what I promised I would.” She chewed hard on her lower lip, red-faced and looking slightly puffier in the cheeks,”Just. Glory’s for suckers. Don’t sell me on it as a glory. It’s a risk. A likelihood. Part of the duty. Don’t try to wrap it in pretty paper like it’s a Starlight present. I’m not against doin’ what you think it’s right. I’m just not for makin’ it sound so ideal.”“Maybe somethin’ closer to what happened to Father’s the ideal for me. He was just... gone. Not sayin’ greenwrath’s pleasant but. I’ve never missed him the same way. The forest took him, but it didn’t take what I remember about him best,” a soft sigh came, resigned to frustration. “I dunno. There’s no good answer. It’s death, and if you’ve ones who loved you they all cry in the end anyway.”

[talesfromthefade]

Sonja Hawke x Anders (Anders POV) || SFW || angst, hurt & comfort || 2105 words

The band feels heavy in the pocket of his robes. Every now and again- more and more often in recent weeks- the mage will plunge his hand into his pocket to twirl the little piece of metal, or smooth his fingers over the small stones. It’s easily the most expensive purchase he’s ever made, and quite possibly the most foolish. He still doesn’t know what possessed him to buy it. Justice disapproved, of course, just as he’d done from the start when the healer had finally given in to Sonja Hawke’s advances.

Selfish, he thinks, scolding himself as fingers close tighter around the ring, letting the stones bite into his palm a little to punish himself. He should have listened to the spirit. Should never have let her in. He should have broken things off with her as soon as he’d determined there was no peaceful way of changing the fate of his fellow mages. Instead, Maker help him, like the hopeless and romantic fool he is, he’d bought a ring.

It feels even heavier now, like the weight of the world now he’s realized the full truth of it as he sits on a crate in the middle of Hightown under the gaze of his lover and all their friends as the Chantry and parts of Kirkwall burn around them. He’d bought it because he loves her- has done for years- perhaps even from those first few months of getting to know one another. He’d bought it because he can’t imagine being with anyone else anymore, because he doesn’t want to. He’d bought it because he wants to spend the rest of his days, his nights, his life, with her. He’d bought it because, despite the certainty he doesn’t deserve to and has perhaps never deserved her less, he wants to live. Wants a future. And one with her in it. Stupid, selfish fool, he thinks again, avoiding her gaze and staring determinedly instead at the stone street beneath his feet.

He’s not sure whether Meredith and Orsino leaving his fate in the hands of her and her twin is a mercy, or punishment for all the trouble the Hawke twins have caused in their tenure in the city. If he must give his life for what he’s done, it will have been worth it to know one day mages might live happy and free. He’s not in a position to ask anything of either of them, he knows whoever’s hands deliver the killing blow will be mercifully swift, but he hopes Garrett’s protective instincts will spare his lover the task of his blood on her hands.

“There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already said to myself,” Anders says finally, shaking his head. “I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the Justice all mages have awaited.”

“Did that spirit tell you to do this,” Sonja asks, words almost choked out by the weight of the emotion behind them. He knows why- what she is asking this for, but he cannot bring himself to hide behind Justice. He will face what he’s done, if it is the last thing he ever does.

“No. When we merged, he ceased to be. We are one now. I can no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could.” He knows she won’t believe him. Knows that no one has hoped or looked harder for a way to free the two of them from one another. But he also knows, even should she have somehow managed to find a way to get the spirit out of his head and body, he’s been forever changed for having shared it with him. His hands did this. Willingly. He won’t pretend otherwise now, even if it would save his life.

“I might have understood, if you’d only told me,” she replies softly with a heartbroken frown that hurts to look upon, but Anders forces himself to anyway.

“You condone this,” Sebastian interjects surprised, and disapproving. “The brutal death of an innocent woman of faith? Someone you knew! Who trusted you!”

“I wanted to tell you,” Anders admits mournfully. “But what if you stopped me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help? I couldn’t let you do that,” the mage continues shaking his head once more.

“You really think this is the answer,” his lover asks, pained.

“Things can’t stay as they are. The people fear what we can do, but to use that fear to bludgeon us into submission is wrong! And they do it with our blessing! The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution. And if I pay for that with my life… then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free.”

“Opinions,” Garrett asks the rest of their companions at large.

“If I’d been in that Chantry today, would you be waffling? You know what must be done,” Sebastian replies angrily.

“Bold plan. Well, I thought so,” Isabela assesses with a nod.

“He wants to die. Kill him and be done with it,” Fenris growls under his breath where he reluctantly stands at the younger twin’s side, though it’s clear he would be more than happy to take on the job should his lover allow or anyone ask it of him.

“Belief is no excuse. Sincerity does not justify… this,” Aveline chimes in, shaking her head.

“He should come with us,” Merrill suggests, frowning. “Do what he can to put things right.”

“I think I’m sick of mages and Templars,” Varric grumbles.

“Whatever you do, just do it,” the mage concludes, resigned to whatever fate they may determine is right for him.

“Help me defend the mages,” Sonja pleads softly.

“You mean… stay with you,” Anders replies, eyes wide as he rises to his feet, and turns to meet his lover’s gaze once more. “I didn’t think you’d let me. But if you do… I’ll fight the Templars. Damned right I will.”

“No,” Sebastian shouts. “You cannot allow this abomination to walk free. He dies, or I am returning to Starkhaven and I will bring such an army with me on my return that there will be nothing left of Kirkwall for these Malifcarum to rule.”

“Sebastian,” Garrett cautions, with a meaningful nod towards his younger twin where she stands beside a still silent Anders. Fists clenched and trembling at the other man’s words.

“I will not fight you, Hawke. My death now would serve nothing. I will return to Starkhaven, but I swear to you I will come back and find your precious Anders. I will teach him what true ‘Justice’ is,” Sebastian promises seething.

Sonja moves with ever the same quickness and grace she always has, that he has always admired: cat-like and nearly too quick for even the best eyes to track. She’s drawn a small blade from her hip and holds it across Sebastian’s throat before anyone has a chance to react. The eyes of her brother and their companions all wide-eyed, anxiously transfixed on the scene in front of them.

“Take it back,” she growls, eyes flashing, positively feral. “Take it back now, and you can still walk away from all this.”

“Sonja,” Garrett calls out to her, eyes full of equal parts fear and concern for his sibling from where he stands trying to soothe and hold back his own furious lover from attacking the mage, Fenris’ glaring daggers into Ander’s back. But Sonja shakes her head.

“No,” she replies loudly. “Innocents died today, but the Grand Cleric wasn’t one of them,” she asserts fiercely, glaring back at Sebastian, pressing the knife flush against his adam’s apple, daring him to challenge her. “She knew the abuses mages suffered here, knew what that crazy bitch, Meredith was doing. And she did nothing. Whatever good she may have done, may have preached, we are all of the Maker- mages, or no. Elthina turned her back on his children when they needed her most. She made herself blind and deaf, because it was easier. She made her bed.”

Sebastian’s eyes burn with a similar kind of fury at her pronouncement, but the younger woman isn’t finished, or giving him so much as an inch to protest it, and cold steel against his throat, it seems he’s wise enough to recognize it. “But you are right about one thing,” she snarls at Sebastian. “Anders is precious to me. Andraste as my witness you shall not have him. You will not touch him, so long as I draw breath,” she swears fiercely.

Anders stares, mouth agape. Justice told him once that demons are just spirits perverted by their desires. He thought it a kindness giving him a body. He took him in, and made his friend a demon. And now, Anders realizes heart impossibly heavy, he’s corrupted his lover too. She was always more a lover than a fighter. Ever a peacekeeper, avoided conflict and bloodshed whenever it was possible. Not that she was by any means any less adept at defending herself or fighting than her younger brothers, she was simply more careful about picking her battles. This, Anders thinks, however, isn’t a battle she can possibly hope to win. Nor one she should take up arms for. He deserves Sebastian’s wrath and whatever fate awaits him, far more than he has or ever will deserve her now.

“I don’t condone this,” she continues, and at these words Anders cannot help but to hang his head a little lower. “I still believe that there may have been another way, without so many innocent people hurt or caught in the middle. But it is done. But Anders’ life is not yours to take or his to forfeit. It is mine, and I won’t allow it,” she declares fiercely, slowly stepping back and lowering her knife from the other man’s throat, before stepping defensively in front of her lover to shield him from the other’s fury and any of their other companions who may wish to argue with her. Sebastian looks to Garrett, perhaps hoping the other will contradict this, be a voice of reason for his twin, but the mage is clearly conflicted. He’s never been in a Circle, but he knows enough of them, and Kirkwall’s specifically to be cautious, fearful of them and most of the Templars here, despite his usual glibness and cavalier attitude. And this is his sister, and Anders is her lover. Would he feel any differently? Would he not do everything in his power to protect and defend Fenris if somehow their roles were reversed?

“Go, if that is your design. Return to Starkhaven. But know this,” she snarls. “The next time you threaten his life, you won’t live long enough to repeat the offense.” Sebastian looks as if he wants to argue, but there really isn’t much to say that hasn’t been already, and it’s clear enough from the way she’s lowered, but still grips her dagger tight in her hands she will make good on her promise if he provides her the opportunity. Shaking his head, Sebastian takes his leave of them all without another word.

“We should get to the Gallows and quick,” Varric assesses in the silence that follows. “It’s going to be quite a show.”

“I should have trusted you,” Anders whispers softly, still rather surprised to still be standing, to be walking at her side as the group make their way to the fighting. “Even with all we’ve shared, I never thought you’d spare my life. If we live through this… you know I’ll be hunted. No one in Kirkwall will offer me mercy. But- if you would join me, I’d rather be on the run with you, than safe with anyone else.”

“Then we will be fugitives together,” Sonja promises, the softest hints of a smile at the corners of her mouth, as she takes her hand gently in her own and squeezes, holding it as they quickly continue to make their way to the Gallows.

It’s possibly more foolish now than it has ever been, even now the most immediate threat to his life has been spared. There’s not a man or woman in Thedas that won’t soon know what he looks like. Not a soul who would be brave or stupid enough to marry them, even if he’s more than certain of her answer now. But with his lover at his side, her hand clasped and fingers laced with his, the ring suddenly doesn’t feel quite so heavy in his pocket anymore as it was before.