#I had forgotten which characters I was gonna add after I got the picture of Jenny and Lee :((

[rainbow-sparks]

blue girls :0

[hauntedsideofthemoon]

BROKEN HEART OF GOLD - chapter 9; i might bend but i'm not gonna break no more

AO3 link

pairing: chishiya x gn!reader

format: gender-neutral original character/self-insert, they/them pronouns are used when necessary, no use of y/n or "___", feel free to picture the character however you wish!

tags: canon-typical violence, slow burn, ocs as side characters, mentions/depictions of mental health issues

word count: 3109

________________________________________________________

Hatter settled his eyes on me and placed the six of clubs card on the table.

‘It’s already been a few days since your trial. Niragi was supposed to give a report about your performance, to evaluate if your rank can be raised. But the only thing he told me,’ his tone became a lot more serious, ‘is that you were nothing but a nuisance.’

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I had forgotten about this report, and how Niragi had to say something positive about me for things to end well on my side. As if he would ever do something like that, especially after all the times I pissed him off.

‘The thing is,’ Hatter continued, ‘I couldn't entirely believe what Niragi said. I was a little impressed with what Chishiya said about you after the five of spades game, so I had a hunch that you hadn't been so bad during your last game.’

Mira let out a small giggle after Hatter finished speaking. ‘Number One is not being completely honest right now. He did not care much for Niragi's comments about you, but I insisted that he gave you a little more consideration. Then, I suggested gathering the players who were in the same game as you so we could arrive at an honest conclusion together.’

She smiled at me, which would have calmed me down if I wasn’t so confused as to why she insisted that Hatter gave me another chance. I wondered…

Hatter placed his sunglasses on the table, letting out a bitter sigh after Mira’s teasing.

‘Yes, fine, Mira is right. She kept nagging me until I set up this meeting, so let's just hear everyone's opinions already, shall we?’

‘I said what I said,’ Niragi snarled, ‘This idiot was just a burden to me during the whole game.’

Niragi’s voice was enough to annoy me, and I became increasingly angry as the words came out of his mouth. I had to chew on my cheek to prevent myself from cussing him out.

‘That's not quite true,’ Chishiya spoke up. ‘You two ran in opposite directions at a certain point, so they weren't burdening you during the whole game.’ Chishiya made sure to add a bit of emphasis to the word ‘whole’ , and he glanced at me with a mischievous smile on his face.

What the hell was that for?! I expected Chishiya to back me up, not to agree with something Niragi said.

‘What the hell do you know, huh?’ Niragi shot a hostile look at Chishiya as he snapped.

‘I was there too, and I’m giving an accurate account of what happened during the game. But that’s not the whole story. Just like in the five of spades game, they were eager to help people around them before moving forward with their own task.’ Chishiya fixed his eyes on me, ‘And you also noticed the game’s secret clue pretty quickly, didn’t you?’

I nodded at him in response, relaxing in my seat now that he finally said something useful.

Niragi sneered in my direction, his lips curling into a scornful grin. ‘You weren’t so eager to help me, though. You know, the one in charge of you there.’

My irritation at Niragi’s childish behavior got worse, and I could no longer hold my tongue. ‘Maybe I would have helped you if you hadn’t tried to kill me during the game,’ I snapped.

Niragi’s face twisted in fury as he began cursing at me, and I tried my best to ignore him. Across the table, Chishiya observed me with a smirk as he fiddled with the pockets of his hoodie. He arched an eyebrow and slightly nodded, which I took as a sign that he wanted me to distract Hatter. However, my attention was completely averted by Niragi’s next words.

‘I should have killed you myself instead of expecting that useless guard would do the job. Then I wouldn’t have been interrupted twice later on.’

Rage boiled inside me after he spoke. It was clear that Niragi was referring to when I had stopped him from harassing Usagi and the other girl that night. I glared at him and retorted.

‘Maybe you could have done it if you weren’t even more useless than me! You had many many opportunities to kill me after you picked up that taser gun, but I guess you weren’t brave enough to do it yourself.’

Niragi seemed to reach his breaking point. He jumped out of his seat, towering over me and snatching his gun from the table. ‘I already told you to stay out of my business, didn’t I? Or do you need some motivation to be able to understand this?’ He pointed the gun at me with that last sentence.

My heart was pounding heavily, but I refused to let him intimidate me. We stared at each other until Mira stood up and intervened.

‘That’s enough,’ she commanded, her voice clear and firm, causing chills to run down my spine.

‘We are here to evaluate one of our players’ conduct during a game,’ she continued. ‘Such senseless arguing has nothing to do with the point of this meeting. If you have nothing useful to contribute, then you should remain silent.’

Niragi was about to snarl at Mira when Hatter slammed a hand on the table, yelling at him to stop.

‘I am tired of listening to this bullshit, you’re all giving me a headache! Let’s just finish this as soon as possible.’

Mira sat back down calmly, while Niragi slumped back into his seat, muttering curses under his breath. Hatter let out a deep sigh and turned his attention to the girl sitting next to him, who hadn’t said a single word this whole time.

‘Akina, what do you have to say?’

Akina barely lifted her head, clearing her throat before speaking. ‘The two of us weren’t together during the game, but they protected me from Niragi when we were about to come back,’ her voice was barely audible. ‘Niragi kept bugging me with his disgusting behavior, and he spent a long time stalking me during the game instead of focusing on his tasks.’

My mouth was open in shock as I listened to Akina's words. She seemed so terrified of Niragi that it was a surprise to hear her speak against him like that. Niragi stared at her with narrowed eyes, and his expression alone was enough to make Akina lower her head again.

Hatter nodded at her, muttering an ‘I see, I see.’ He scanned each of us before speaking up again. ‘Does anyone else have anything to add?’ No one answered.

‘Then I guess we’re done with this conversation. Just one more thing, though,’ Hatter then turned to me, ‘How’s your injury doing? The big one you had when you arrived here?’

I was caught off guard by his question, not expecting him to bring up something like that. It still hurt sometimes, and some blood would seep out of the cut if anything pulled at my skin.

I glimpsed at Chishiya as I recalled the day he treated my wound. He had a serious look on his face, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he fixed his eyes on mine. I hadn’t been able to read his expression other times in the past, but now I was sure about what he was thinking.

‘It’s fine. It has healed a lot, thanks to Ann,’ I calmly replied.

It was a lie that only Chishiya and I knew. I couldn’t show any sign of vulnerability in front of the executives, or else it would only increase the chances of them getting rid of me, especially after the argument I caused a few minutes ago.

Hatter nodded at my answer. He seemed to ponder it for a few seconds before he announced the meeting was finally over. He quickly waved his hand repeating a ‘shoo, shoo’ sound as he ordered us – Chishiya, Akina and me – to leave the room.

I strode down the corridor, taking deep breaths as I slowly calmed down. Chishiya appeared beside me, speaking with a quiet voice.

‘It was about time you read me correctly,’ he teased.

‘You're not exactly someone easy to read.’

Chishiya simply chuckled at my words. As we walked side by side, I lowered my voice before addressing him. ‘I'm sorry for not distracting Hatter as you planned. I couldn't control my anger at Niragi and got carried away.’

I lowered my head a little as I spoke. Chishiya calmly observed me for a few seconds before replying.

‘Your argument with Niragi was a great distraction. I almost thought you did that on purpose.’

I grimaced at him in disbelief. ‘You thought I would pick a fight with Niragi on purpose, just for that little plan of yours? Do you think I'm crazy?’

‘Well, you have challenged him before, so why not? You know he can't kill you,’ Chishiya had that usual sly smirk on his face.

‘And you know he's insane,’ I reminded him. ‘That morning, when he tried to attack me, he threatened to find a way to kill me without anyone knowing about it, so I shouldn’t try to play my luck with him.’

Chishiya nodded as I talked, but his distant gaze suggested his mind was focused on something else. I prompted him with a simple ‘What?’ but he ignored me, turning his attention back to the path ahead. I shrugged at his silence, starting to walk towards a different direction before he finally spoke up.

‘Come meet me at sunset. Don’t tell anyone.’ His voice was low and urgent. Without another word, Chishiya walked away at a quick pace, leaving me confused just like last time.

As I tried to make sense of his sudden request, I simply assumed he wanted to meet in his room. With some time to kill until sunset, I decided to look for Kuina, checking the spots we usually hang out at.

I eventually made my way down to the disco area – we had only been there to drink once, but it didn’t hurt to try – and scanned the crowd for Kuina. Instead, my attention focused on Akina sitting in front of the bar, with two men hovering over her trying to offer her drinks, which she kept refusing. One of them had a gun strapped to the waistband of his shorts – a militant.

I rushed over and forced my way between Akina and the man closest to her, sitting on the vacant stool. Both men were horribly drunk, and I could smell the alcohol and sweat coming from them.

Muttering some annoyed words with a slurred speech, the duo moved over to the countertop and ordered more drinks for themselves. They were still so close I could even hear some of the shit they talked about, but I simply ignored them while striking up a conversation with Akina – even though I hadn't planned anything to talk about before I made this impulsive decision.

‘Hey, thanks for vouching for me during the meeting earlier,’ I said, hoping to break the ice. A small smile formed on Akina’s lips before she replied.

‘Ah, no need to thank me. I accepted Mira’s invitation to the meeting because I wanted to repay you for helping me the other day, even though I knew that man would be there too,’ she replied, most likely referring to Niragi.

I smiled back at her and we chatted comfortably for a while. Akina was friendly and very talkative, nothing like the scared and shaken girl I had met before; Niragi probably traumatized her that night, so it made me happy to see her in a good mood like this.

Those men were still blabbering nearby, getting even drunker by the minute. One of them lost his balance, slumping over the countertop before asking the bartender for another drink. He took a sip and let out a disgusted noise, turning to his friend to complain about the taste.

‘These new drinks they brought taste like shit! Oi, Shouji, you have to get us some top-quality booze when you become one of the big guys, you hear me?’ He said.

‘Sure thing! I’ll pick the ones the ladies like the best!’ His friend added and they laughed together.

Were all the militants repulsive like this? Either they didn’t care about other people listening, or they were simply too drunk to realize how loud they were.

Suddenly, the music stopped and someone grabbed a microphone to announce it was time for games. People began leaving the disco area as they headed to the main lobby, and I waved at Akina before walking out among the crowd. Games night meant the sun was setting, so I should meet up with Chishiya soon.

I made my way towards Chishiya's room and stopped in front of his door, nervously staring at it for a moment. The last time I had been here, Chishiya had offered to treat my injury, which turned out to be a setup just so I would owe him a favor.

My debt should've been paid off when I helped him earlier, so I probably didn't need to come over; Still, the urgent tone in Chishiya’s voice had me too curious to back away now.

Could he have called me to talk about the meeting, or maybe the bug he had set up? I worried if my ‘distraction’ had been enough for Chishiya. If they ever find the hidden bug, his life would be in danger because of me.

The idea of being the reason someone is in danger always concerned me, and I unconsciously began pacing back and forth as I dwelled on those thoughts.

But something else about the meeting was also nagging at me – Did Chishiya agree to participate only to carry out his plan, or could he have genuinely considered vouching for me? Though his ‘acts of kindness’ towards me had all been fake, anyway…

The sound of a door creaking open broke me out of my thoughts. Chishiya peeked out from his room, watching me with an arched brow. I was about to greet him when he cut me off.

‘Your footsteps are noisy,’ he said.

‘Nice to see you too,’ I replied with a sarcastic tone.

‘You should've just knocked.’ Chishiya ignored what I said, stepping back and motioning for me to enter his room.

Once inside, I took a quick look around. His room was largely the same as before, except for the big mess on the table: Wires, batteries, and other small metal parts I couldn't name were scattered on top of it, like he had been doing some craft project for science class. Chishiya picked up an FM radio and sat down on a chair, fiddling with the buttons.

‘The executives will soon have a meeting among themselves, so we’ll be able to listen in,’ he said.

I watched him with curiosity as I sat on a chair next to his. My eyes flickered between the radio and Chishiya's face, noticing the same expression he had when he treated me the other day – Eyes deeply focused on the task at hand, lips slightly pursed and brows furrowed in concentration.

‘Are you sure the bug will work?’ I asked, breaking the silence between us.

‘Yes. I obviously tested it before setting it up there.’ He replied with a serious tone, not shifting his gaze away from the radio.

I hummed in understanding. ‘Where did you get a bug, by the way? If people saw you bringing something like that to the Beach, you would be deemed a traitor immediately.’

‘I made one,’ he said as though it was no big deal.

That explained the clutter of metal pieces on the table. I couldn’t help but be impressed; He seemed to have great medical knowledge, and he was also able to craft a listening device. ‘Just what did he actually do before ending up here?’ I wondered to myself.

The static noise from the radio stopped when Chishiya adjusted the tuning and he carefully placed it on the table. We waited for a long time, but no sound came from it.

It wasn't easy to hold a conversation with this man, but I still had some questions about his plan; I wondered if he would finally open up since we weren't in a public area anymore. But before I could even utter a word, the door flew open and Kuina burst into the room.

‘Everyone’s moved to the meeting room, and–’ Kuina’s voice trailed off as she caught sight of me. We gazed at each other with surprised faces, her expression showing a hint of concern. ‘You didn’t tell me they were involved too,’ she addressed Chishiya.

‘Right, I forgot to mention that. I pitched my plan after I saw their potential during our games together, and they agreed to help us.’

…What a liar. I didn't agree to help, I was dragged into this. And I didn't even know Kuina was part of it either. Still, I chose not to speak against it, as this was not the time nor place to start an argument.

Kuina sat on the bed, glancing at me with an awkward smile on her face. She looked at Chishiya before resuming what she was saying before.

‘All of the executives moved to the meeting room, and the militants have already begun their patrol.’

‘The bug and the radio are working correctly. We'll be able to listen in to their meeting as soon as it starts,’ Chishiya added.

As we waited, I began feeling conflicted after learning Kuina was also involved in this plan. On one hand, it was a relief to have a friend by my side, but on the other, I was worried that Chishiya would put her in danger somehow. Kuina had told me before that she ‘kind of’ trusted him, but now I wondered if he had also dragged her to this against her will.

Suddenly, the radio snapped to life. We heard the sound of doors creaking open, followed by numerous footsteps, some chattering, and chairs scraping against the floor. A few seconds passed before Hatter's voice came up loud and clear.

‘Good evening, everyone. We have some important things to discuss tonight. First off, I need to know which of you are running low on your visa days and when you'll be joining games again. Second,’ Hatter paused for a moment, ‘we'll be discussing the players who have recently risen in ranks, and see who is the most suited to join us as a new executive.’

[whereiselsewhere]

If you take requests, how the boys from Death Note would react if reader accidentally said something like "Oh shit, he's hot" or "Damn, he's cute/ pretty" out loud when they first met? 🤣 I think it would be interesting.

Thank you for reading! I hope you'll have a lovely day.

“It’s Just The Nerves” - Death Note boys

Headcanons: You let it slip you may or may not find them attractive during your first meeting.

Characters Mentioned: L Lawliet, Light Yagami, Touta Matsuda, Mihael Keehl

Category: Crack / Fluff ?

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for the request, these were hella fun to write! I hope you like them! :)

L:

•In this scenario I can see it as you being on the task force when L ends up having to show himself.

•L doesn’t exactly consider himself- how do I say this- the most desirable person in the world.

•(Cough, I heavily disagree though.)

•I don’t think he’d pay that much mind to said fact, but he certainly wouldn’t be expecting anyone to comment positively on his appearance, especially just like that.

•You were probably standing to the side taking a break or leaving when you thought to yourself something along the lines of, “Shit, I wasn’t expecting L to be cute-“

•And you just hear Matsuda say, “What?” in total shock.

•At which you realise you just said that out loud. Literally the first meeting and you’re already being unprofessional. You’re totally internally scolding yourself for the rest of it.

•L just kind of locks his eyes on you for a few seconds, totally blank faced and lost for words. Then he just turns back round, as if nothing ever happened. It’s not fitting for his image to give you a reaction.

•L has stopped working. You broke him bestie.

•I mean, I’m not gonna lie, he definitely finds it a little weird but…

•If you look closely, he might have a slight hint of pink dusting his cheeks. :) Don’t think he’s easy to win over, though, even if he is initially attracted to you, because he’s the furthest thing from it.

•Things might be a little awkward at these meetings now, though…

•Bonus: If you do get into a relationship further down the line, be aware that he remembers everything, this included, and will probably make a remark about it to tease you months later, when you’d forgotten about it and assumed he had too.

Light:

•This one I picture in the early days of Kira, when he’s starting college.

•There’s a rather large group gathered outside where everyone is introducing themselves to each other, including yourself. Maybe if you’re more introverted you’re standing more to the side of things?

•Light is trying to make himself fit in and look more normal, of course, but you wouldn’t have any idea about that.

•You lost yourself staring at him for a hot second, not realising how obvious it was.

•Especially when a small something that you maybe shouldn’t have said slipped out-

•He instantly looks over, catching on immediately. He’s half smirking, and there’s a glint in his eyes. He holds the gaze for a few seconds before returning to his conversation, and you quickly relax thinking you had gotten away with it.

•You wish. :’)

•He taps you on the shoulder from behind and introduces himself as normal, but he’s clearly hiding an amused expression.

•Then, at the end of your conversation adds something like, “Oh, and you’re not too bad yourself.”

•You’ve definitely got his attention now, that’s for sure. He can see you taking a liking to him and might go out of his way to pursue things further if he feels it would do him some good. Will potentially get your number the next time you meet for said reasons.

•Just uh…don’t fall for any of his shit, ‘kay?

Matsuda:

•You’d been brought in for questioning around the Kira investigation after witnessing the death of some criminal somewhere and making some sort of statement about it for the news. You weren’t any witness in particular, just a case of random selection, if you will.

•Obviously L couldn’t do it himself, and he couldn’t choose Light, who seemed like the most suitable option to the others, as he had his suspicions about him being Kira.

•Eventually, Matsuda was chosen to take on the job of doing these few interviews. Something about him being young and charismatic. Makes people feel comfortable, blah blah blah, psychology.

•And he probably would’ve made you feel comfortable! If you weren’t totally into him, that is. Stuttering and stumbling over an interview as important as this, too. What timing…

•Still, he’s smiling and reminding you that you have nothing to worry about, that they’re going to catch Kira and they’re closer than ever.

•As the interview draws to a close, he gets up and goes over to open the door for you, thanking you for your time.

•Then the room just goes silent after he hears you mutter, “Damn it, only I could be interviewed by someone so cute over something so important and mess it up.”

•Yeah, that slipped out. Oops. As if things didn’t need to get worse, huh?

•It’s obvious he heard you because he freezes up and flushes bright red, and there’s really no use in pretending that he didn’t now.

•”You think I’m cute?” Is all he (eventually) manages to say.

•And oh my god it’s two nervous wrecks-

•You just start apologising? What else could you do?

•”No, no! Don’t be sorry!” And then get this- he actually had the courage to ask you out! He’s a little too happy when he returns to join the others, who had been watching the whole thing on camera.

•”We said catch Kira, not get a date.”

Mello:

•It’s pretty late at night, but you just couldn’t sleep, so you decided to just get out for a while. Nothing major, just a run to the store, maybe you’d just grab a few snacks or something.

•As you’re leaving the store, carrying a couple of bags, a certain stranger catches your eye. He’s crouched down next to the road, and he was doing some sort of work on a motorcycle, presumably because he’d broken down.

•You subconsciously stop and stare for a few seconds, captured by him for some reason you couldn’t exactly put your finger on. One thing was for sure; he was definitely attractive. Damn.

•You must have said that last part out loud, because said stranger practically chokes on his drink after taking a sip of it and bursts out laughing. It probably came off a little mean, but that’s just his demeanour.

•He turns back to see you just kind of hovering awkwardly in that same spot and flashes a grin and rolls his eyes.

•Mello tends to keep himself to himself, so he doesn’t actually make any effort to talk to you, as flattered and amused as he is.

•Though, as you stroll past him, avoiding his eyes, he’s secretly hoping he might see you again sometime. Maybe next time you’ll have the guts to be a bit more forward, but prepare to be initially shut down if you actually ask him on a date or anything like that aside from harmless flirting. And even then, if there’s too much of that… (Jfc Mello decide what you want 😭) He’s definitely got a little bit of an internal conflict going on now.

•He really does not like to be at risk of being hurt at all, unfortunately for you.

•The next time he sees Matt, you’re the first thing he mentions in conversation, I can promise you that.

[negasonicimagines]

Tell Me I'm Not Funny

Request: darkandmysteriousbutheartofgold!ellie and wholesomeanddoesn'tunderstandwhyelliedoesn'tlikeher!reader where they're both part of the friend group but ellie just thinks reader is straight and messing with her pls

Notes: I don’t usually write MCU!Peter, so if he comes up in any future fics (like as the reader’s stepdad 👀 I’ve loved spideypool longer than I’ve loved Negasonic) you can safely assume it’s Andrew Garfield. But, for this time, this is MCU!Peter. Everyone in the friend group is 18-20, just to be clear.

This really isn't my best work, but it's a fun little slice of life piece. A lot of my ideas are pretty cinematic, I can picture them in my head but sometimes those pictures don't really translate into words. I may revisit this one day.

Warnings: D-slur (reclaimed by Ellie in one line), allusions to prior assault (an unwanted kiss that could've been more had another character not stepped in), and that's about it. Oh, and a little swearing, but this is an imagine for a character from Deadpool. If you can't handle swearing, you're on the wrong blog.

Synopsis: You’re into Ellie, but she’s with your good friend Peter. She treats you like you don’t even exist, and in the few instances she does acknowledge you, it’s usually just to make some sarcastic remark. You’re head-over-heels, though, and decide to deal with your unrequited love by writing her a song she’ll never hear.

“Fuck, that movie was terrible,” Michelle groans. “I’m just glad it was a matinee show and we didn’t have to pay as much to see it.”

“The special effects were good, but can’t Disney just leave stuff alone?” Peter agrees.

“Next thing you know they’ll be making a live action Toy Story, as if the original wasn’t traumatizing enough. I don’t want to imagine Watermelon as a sentient being. She’s seen some shit,” you snicker.

“Who’s Watermelon?” Ellie asks with a dark chuckle, and you clam up. How had you forgotten she was here?

“Oh, uh, nobody.”

“Don’t tell me you still sleep with a stuffed animal,” she snarks. “You really do need to grow up.”

“Don’t be mean, Ellie,” Peter protests.

“Watermelon is cute, everybody likes cute things!” Yukio adds.

“I think a live-action Toy Story could be cool,” Ned says. “It’d look really good if they did stop-motion animation.”

“Oh, you’re right!” you chirp. “It’d be quite the undertaking, but it would look badass.”

“I think you’re using that term a little loosely,” Ellie grumbles, and you have to stop yourself from frowning, instead you laugh it off. Why does she always pick on you? Sure, she’s got a witty remark for everybody, but she’s way harder on you. It hurts, she really is so gorgeous and funny and mysterious and everything you want in a woman, but she acts like she can’t stand you.

Ellie and Peter head off together, Peter still hasn’t gotten around to getting his license and Ellie seems happy to give him a ride. You really don’t stand a chance.

You and the others pile up in MJ’s SUV for some late-night band practice.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” you admit to Yukio in the furthest row back.

“You can,” she insists. “You’re a way better singer than Lola, anyways.”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to give her the wrong impression, I-”

“For the millionth time, Y/N, you didn’t. If she hadn’t left the band, we would’ve kicked her out. Not just for cheating on me, but for hurting you.”

“I guess,” you sigh. “Why can’t you sing instead?”

“Because I’m flat.”

“Yukio, breast size doesn’t have anything to do with singing ability, you’ve just gotta practice,” you joke.

“Shut up!” she giggles, punching you in the arm. “Plus, when you sing, the songs are being sung as they were written. We’re getting the real feelings.”

“Speaking of… I have something new I’m thinking about sharing tonight. Do you mind if I text you the demo?”

“Ooh, a first look! Hell yes!”

You text her the audio file and she puts in a wireless earbud, nodding along. Her smile gets wider and wider as she listens, and when she’s done, her assessment shocks you.

“Oh my gosh. You’re into Ellie.”

“What?!” you squeak. “No way!”

“You are! But, uh-”

“Don’t even say it. I know I don’t have a chance in hell. She only tolerates me for the sake of you and Peter.” Despite the gloominess of your tone, Yukio gets a mischievous glint in her eye, it confuses you. But, that’s just Yukio. Her thoughts are all over the place; she and Ellie balance each other out that way. They dated a couple of years ago, but it didn’t work out. They decided they were better off as friends.

“Screw that other song, we’re using this as the lead single. Everybody’s gonna love it, do you have the sheet music?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s in my bag.”

“Awesome.” Yukio’s grinning like she’s won something. Is the song that good? “We’ll have to practice this one a lot, we definitely need to have it ready by the concert this Friday.”

Right. Liz’s 19th birthday party. Apparently Peter had convinced her to let the band play, it’d be cheaper than hiring a more established artist.

“Our first paying gig? I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“We’re mostly gonna be playing covers of Liz’s favorite songs, and she only has so many. We’ve gotta beef up the setlist with originals, and this is perfect! Has that pop-y fun vibe, it’ll fit right in.”

“Yeah, but if it’s that obvious how I feel about her after one listen-”

“Only because I already had a hunch after Daft Pretty Boys,” Yukio clarifies cheerily, and you sigh.

“Fair enough.”

The gang makes it to Michelle’s house, travelling down to the side door and going into the basement from there. MJ’s parents have encouraged her creativity from day one, and were ecstatic when the band was formed. You speculate that they’re mostly happy that she’s made friends. Writing and photography can be lonely hobbies.

“Y/N has something new for us!” Yukio chirps.

“That fast?” Ned’s surprised as you hand him the sheet music. He skims it. “Holy shit, this is a wicked solo! Thanks, Y/N!”

“Well, I’m hoping highlighting everybody else’s talent will disguise my lack thereof,” you chuckle.

“Don’t be stupid, we’ve all heard you sing backup,” MJ says. “You’re Ryan Ross, she’s Brendon Urie. I’m just glad we booted her out before she decided she was gonna be the only pangolin in The Pangolins.”

Everyone laughs at that.

“Let’s try it,” Michelle continues, and everybody agrees. After a sound check and a few runs of the song, it’s still clumsy, especially on your part. You’re not really used to playing and singing at the same time, outside of backup vocals, which require far less focus.

“I suck,” you mumble, but it happens to be into the microphone.

“You don’t!” Ned insists.

“With that attitude, we’re not going anywhere,” Yukio says. You hate it when she gets to the tough love stage of her support. You wish she’d stay in the shallow reassurances stage, it’s easier to brush off. “You wouldn’t be the lead singer if we all thought you sucked. We would’ve just put an ad in the paper. You’re awesome, get over it!”

You sigh.

“Fine. Thank you.”

“Say it,” she insists.

“I’m awesome,” you huff, it’s hard not to smile when Yukio tries to look serious.

“Damn straight,” Yukio says. “Or, I guess not, considering that was about Ellie.”

“Yukio!” you squeal.

“That’s about Ellie?!” Ned exclaims.

“Obviously,” MJ scoffs, fiddling with her tuners.

“Is it that obvious?!” You can’t help but feel embarrassed. Ellie probably knows exactly how you feel, maybe that’s why she dislikes you so much. Her boyfriend’s stupid friend has a crush.

“Wait, but at the beginning…” Ned trails off, before laughing. “Oh my gosh, I get it.”

“Get what? Oh… Y/N, have I ever told you how much I love you?” MJ asks.

“I- I love you, too?” You’re puzzled by their words, but you’ve got enough on your plate.

“Let’s go ahead and practice some of Liz’s favorites while we’re here,” Yukio suggests. “It’s a pretty big set list.”

You practice until dinner, getting a pizza and deciding to make a night of it since it was a little late for Michelle to be dropping you all off at your assorted residences.

You all sleep on a pallet in the basement, and despite your worries, you manage to get some rest.

Over the next few days, The Pangolins practice at every free moment, until it’s finally time for the party.

“So, just pictures of everything?” Oh, shit. She’s not supposed to be here. How are you supposed to sing that song with her here?

“Yeah! I know with how many people are coming, I’m probably not going to get as much time as I want with everyone, so pictures will be a good way to remember the night.”

“Why not just invite less people?” Ellie wonders.

“I want all my friends to be here,” Liz explains. “How’s the sound check going, Y/N?”

“It’s going great,” you say into the microphone, demonstrating the quality and volume with a smile. “Thanks for letting us play here tonight.”

“Well, Peter said you guys are great. Are you really gonna debut your best song so far tonight?”

“Oh, um,” you stutter, stepping away from the microphone. “Maybe not.”

“What? Oh, come on, please, it’ll make the night even more special! You’re playing covers of all my old favorites, sing me my new favorite!” Liz presses, but she’s not being demanding or bratty, she seems genuinely excited.

“If the birthday girl says so, who am I to say no?” you concede. Hopefully Ellie will be too distracted taking pictures. “You have way too much faith in me.”

“If you don’t quit with the self-deprecation, I’m gonna duct tape your mouth shut,” MJ interjects.

“But, Daddy, how will I say my safe word?” you tease, giggling at your own joke with the rest of the group. Yukio’s laugh seems the loudest. Ellie glares.

“We should practice a song!” Ned suggests.

“Ooh, a private show!” Liz seems excited.

“Any requests?” you ask her. Ellie’s resting scowl intensifies. If she’s more pissed off the more you open your mouth, you’re not sure how she’s gonna survive a night of you singing without going nuclear.

“Oh, oh, Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, please?”

“You’ve got it,” you agree.

The song goes smoothly.

“What happened to the old singer?” Ellie asks, clearly unimpressed.

“You didn’t tell her?” you ask Yukio, grateful for the excuse to turn away from the sharp-tongued girl you adore.

“Didn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” Yukio explains. “She already makes enough rude comments towards you.” Yukio leans over her drum kit to give Ellie a pointed look.

“Oh, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You, uh, sound good, Y/N.”

You can’t help but whip your head back to look at her with a flabbergasted expression.

“What?! It’s true,” Ellie defends herself.

“Uh, yeah, but you just said something nice. About me. Liz, do you mind checking her for a fever?”

Liz obliges for the sake of going along with the joke before quickly withdrawing her hand.

“Jeez! I know you were kidding, but she’s burning up,” Liz declares.

“My internal temperature is higher due to my mutation,” Ellie quickly explains, looking a bit bashful. “Besides, I say nice shit about Y/N all the time.”

“No, you don’t,” the whole band says in unison, including you.

“Well, clearly I shouldn’t if everyone’s gonna make a big fucking deal about it,” she retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some pictures of the decorations before there’s a bunch of fucking people here to block them.”

She stomps off in her heavy boots, and The Pangolins get back to work, putting on the final touches and making sure all the blocking looks right.

Soon enough, guests start flooding in, and Liz zips around to greet them, eventually meeting up with Peter and keeping him with her. He and Liz eventually pull Ellie away from her picture-taking, confident she’s done enough and needs to just relax and enjoy the party.

So much for distracting herself with work, she thinks.

They sit on the couch and eat, the dining room was monopolized by The Pangolins due to its elevation and space.

Ellie’s mesmerized by the way your fingers move until she hears Peter talking to Liz. They really are a cute couple.

“You really do need to hang out with us. Yukio told me Y/N thinks Ellie and I are a thing,” he says.

“Gross, you’re like my annoying little brother,” Ellie remarks.

“And you’re like my bitchy older sister,” Peter retorts with a shit-eating grin.

“Both of you, quiet! They’re about to play the new song. You’re in for a real treat, Ellie.”

“What does it have to do with me?”

Liz gives Peter a confused and slightly irritated look.

“I haven’t said anything to her, I didn’t know how,” Peter squeaks, blushing a little at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Explain, quickly,” Ellie demands.

But, then you start to sing again.

“Y/N-” Peter starts.

“Shut up.”

“But you asked-”

“I said, shut up,” Ellie insists.

“You know me as your boyfriend's goofy friend. I seem to have this effect on women, and your friends aren't as goofy as I am. I try my best to keep you entertained, always laughing at the jokes you are saying. I nod my head when you make a point, oh oh…

“Kiss me, kiss me with your eyes closed! Whisper that your heart shows all I want is you, yeah, you… Hold me, hold me I'm your bunny! Tell me I'm not funny, tell me I’m legit! ‘Cause I feel weak, in your hands and your feet… A precious end, I’ll never feel your touch…”

Ellie continues to listen to the song, all expression drained from her face. All the yearning in the words and your voice, all you want is…

Ellie looks at Peter, who’s looking at her with a triumphant smile.

“I told you.”

Ellie feels like she’s about to faint. She notices you’re talking to Liz— when did she leave? —your hand over your mic. Despite the knowledge that Liz is taken, Ellie gets jealous. You look so happy to be talking to Liz, to just about any girl you talk to.

She wishes you’d smile at her that way.

You nod at whatever Liz said, and the band starts packing away their instruments. Liz sets up her phone on some Bluetooth speakers, and songs that sounded so much better when you were singing them start to play.

No! Ellie internally protests. Sing for me again, please, sing that stupid song about how you think I don’t like you.

Yukio’s dragging you somewhere. Gosh, Ellie wishes it was her holding your hand.

Suddenly, though, you and Yukio are approaching her. She knows what she has to do.

“So, what’d you think of our- Eek! Finally!”

Ellie parts from the kiss to tell her to fuck off and not ruin the moment before kissing you again.

“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe. “Uh, I thought you were-“

“Dating Peter?! Seriously?! Do I need to write ‘dyke’ on my fucking forehead? I practically already have with the way I dress and act and-”

“I, uh, I try not to make assumptions,” you mumble, fingers touching your lips.

“I’m, uh, sorry for not asking.”

“No, it’s- It was good. I’ve wanted you to do that for a while. It’s just that that was the first time somebody’s kissed me, since, uh…” Your eyes dart to Yukio, who’s ruffling Ned’s hair and laughing.

“Yukio?!” Orange flickers in Ellie’s eyes for a moment, but she keeps it under control.

“No, no, of course not, uh… The old singer, Lola. She and Yukio were dating, but apparently I was the one she really had her sights on, and… She was entitled. Thought that because she wanted me, I must want her. That wasn’t really the case, I was already pining over you. Didn’t stop her from forcing a few kisses on me and trying to go further. If Yukio hadn't shown up early with cupcakes, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“I am such an asshole,” Ellie says softly. “Can I kiss you again? The right way.”

“I’d say what you did before was pretty right, but sure,” you consent.

Her kiss before had been rough, needy, and impatient. Just the way you like it. This, though, this is gentle, soft, and exploratory. You tangle your hands in her hair and kiss her harder. She moans into the kiss before pulling away, bewildered.

“That was…” Ellie trails off, trying to find a positive adjective that won’t sound to frilly or lovesick.

“A mistake, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, fuck, no. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she corrects you. “Just- Didn’t really know how. Even when you were kinda flirting with me at first, I just thought you were messing with me, so I- I am so stupid.”

“So am I,” you scoff. “I thought you were dating Peter.”

“I was spending a lot of time with him, but… I was just using him as an excuse to avoid you so I wouldn’t embarrass myself anymore. And I was asking him for advice. I figured if he could land somebody as far out of his league as Liz, maybe I stood the slightest bit of a chance with you. But I kept fucking it up. I’d just get so nervous, all of my compliments would turn into insults, all of my teasing turned into straight-up cruelty. I don’t know how you actually like me.”

“I’m a little bit of a masochist, I’ll admit,” you tell her. “I’m really glad you don’t hate me.”

“I’m really glad you don’t hate me,” Ellie replies, but she can’t help but think that what she‘s really saying is ‘I love you, too.’

She takes your hand, and you two rejoin your friends, swept up in a group hug. They wanted this to happen almost as much as you two did.

[goth-girlfriend]

Just wondering and no pressure here! Are you ever gonna finish the Endeavor fic? Love ur works bby and stay safe out there! <3

Yes yes yes 😤😭 Anything for you sweetheart and especially anything for Enji. Take care of yourself ❤️❤️

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“What?” I yawned out loud to myself pushing myself up. My arm was sore from sleeping on it, I looked around and blinked at the light that had made itself known. I tried to push to sit up being held down by a familiar weight. I yawned again, before rolling over under Enji’s arm. I pressed my back against his warm side resting on my arm that wasn’t sore. I pulled his arm around my waist to feel like I was being held in place.

“Ah, security.” I sighed using his shoulder and bicep as a pillow, “Not soft at all.” I snuggled against the firm muscle until I heard a throaty chuckle. His chest shook lightly and I looked up at him he was awake. His eyes lidded from sleep still fighting against consciousness, I watched a faint smile pull at the corners of his lips, I couldn’t fight the most likely idiotic looking grin that surfaced. I laughed and shook my head as quietly as I could. I turned in his arm and hugged his chest. I watched as he moved his free arm behind his head, his bicep bulged at the unintentional flexing.

“Good morning.” I smiled and let my head fall against his shoulder while I looked up at him. It felt perfect, this moment. The morning sun filtered by the beige curtains lighting the room in gold with a few thin slits of white sunlight breaking through. The white duvet stopping at waist, open sleeping shirt, messy hair, pressed into his side sighing content. The rumble of the AC filling the silence, soft breathing, its perfect. In this moment, in this place, there is no history, there is no future, its us in this moment. With nothing to ruin the moment I sighed and closed my eyes feeling the faint heat of his rising chest.

“Good morning.” He finally answered, voice deeper than usual, I felt him shuffle, before I felt his lips pressed onto the top of my head. I felt my eyes flutter involuntary, and my heart swelling. I smiled closing my eyes enjoying the closeness, perfect, this is perfect.

“DDAAAAAAADD!!” I blinked a few times remembering where we were, I watched as he groaned rubbing his face with his hand and sitting up leaving me behind.

“Yes, Fuyumi?” He called starting to stand up doing a few basic stretches.

”Y/N IS GONE DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING THIS MORNING MAYBE SHE LEFT TO GET BREAKFAST?!” She screamed through the door, I watched the door handle jiggle, thanking God I locked it last night.

“Yes, I heard someone moving this morning. It could have been (L/N), why don’t you go look around down stairs, I need to shower and get ready.” He yawned before he stood popping his back.

“Mmm...” there was a pause and some shuffling.

I heard Sho’s faint voice “Fuyumi, look y/n sent me message this morning saying she was going to a nearby convinience store to buy some things she had forgotten. She’ll be back soon.” I sighed thanking God once again that I had told Shoto my password all those weeks ago.

“Alright, DON’T MIND DAD!” She screamed before I heard them walk away, Great, now how am I supposed to leave? I looked around, “Does that window open?” I asked pointing to the window in the room. “It‘s a balcony.” Enji pulled back the curtains revealing an pretty good sized balcony with fancy railing. I was wearing sleeping shorts and a long sleeve shirt with some socks, I‘ll fly down, and just walk back in... but I went to the store.... so I need to come back with something. “Can I have ten dollars?” I smiled sheepishly looking at Enji.“

He sighed before turning to the dresser and pulled out a bill out of his wallet. I grinned and thanked him, “I’ll be back in, five or ten minutes.” I shrugged and opened the Balcony window. Taking eagle form, I dived down into an alley way barrel rolling and lading back on human feet. I walked out and stopped outside a tourist shop. The shop owner was placing out a box of mini hero figures, the same figures from that night we patrolled. These were a new release with the change to get Gold or Silver All Might, Endeavour or Hawks. I got excited and rushed in, I “went to the store”, but I never said what for. the packs were on sale, 2 for $5.00. And lucky for me, I had managed to get a $50. Each box comes with 12 lucky bags each bag has 3 mini figures, there are only 10 Pro hero’s currently released in this line. I have a ten percent chance of getting Endeavour, All Might or Hawks, if you add the 6 new figures to the line thats 16 characters in total. Meaning there are three possible Endeavor, All Might and Hawks,,, But, the chances of getting a special edition, would be 2 of 16 which should be 12.5 out of 100. If I multiply by three that raises the chance 37.5 of 100. So out of all 36 Figures that means I have to at least get 1 limited edition Per box, bu counting in these are the first boxes to pull in customers, they overload the limited ones to make it look easy so people will be convinced to buy them because it’s “easy” to find a limited figure... meaning... “ill give you $50 even for both boxes.”

I turned to look at the cashier guy who seemed unimpressed but nodded, “I usually sell boxes for $30 dollars each but  I feel generous 25 each plus taxes.”

“How about $20 plus taxes.” I counter offered. He squinted at me before he made another offer, we went at this until we were back at my original offer. “Alright, this is my last offer,” he huffed and stared at me hard, “$50 dollars cash, no taxes, and IF you become a Pro Hero you do advertising free for my shop.”

I laughed and nodded, “Deal.” He packed the boxes and I paid him before we parted ways. By the time I made it back to the hotel Fuyumi rushed to me with a look of worry. “Where were yOU I WAS WORRIED?!” 

I smiled, “I was in the middle of a very serious conversation about some very serious things.” 

“A toy store, that bag says you were at a toy store.” Shoto said sounding very unimpressed.

I smiled and let out a sheepish laugh, “well...” I looked down and hid the bag behind me, “I never said I went to buy anything important.” 

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“Ow......ow.......nooooo stop.” I whined feeling one more tug at my hair and finally it fell down.

“There, we’re done.” Fuyumi fluffed my hair a bit before smoothing it out again, “Now lets go, before Natsuo starts causing a fuss.” She ushered me to move and I did leading our way to the elevator.

“Alright,“ I sighed slouching a little... “....Wanna see something cool?” I asked standing back up, Fuyumi cocked a brow by smiled a little, “Alright, I do actually.”

I dug into my pocket and pulled out a gold endeavor figure, “Boom, its your dad.“ I took her hand and placed it in her palm, “You can have that, I have another one.” I smiled when she let out a slight laugh. “Thank you, I’ll keep him with my keys.” We stood in a comfortable silence until the doors opened and we started to move out I asked, “Soooo, what are we doing after this award ceremony?” I asked tilting my head in curiosity.”

“I don’t know, she said he lips pulling to the side in a displeased way, “They didn’t let me plan out this trip so its a surprise for the both of us.” My only answer was to nod while I smiled down at the ground, “Sounds Fun.”

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”Aren’t those kids from UA?” The voices of photographers were loud with there questions as flashes went of left and right, “Why are they with Pro Hero Endeavor?” “I don’t know but these kids could pull in the views!”

“Todoroki! A question if you Will!” “Hey Midoriya Over here!” “L/N! Can you pose for a few photos!” “Todoroki look over here!” Midoriya whats it like to learn from Pro Hero All Might??” “L/N! L/N! Are you affiliated with Todoroki or Midoriya?”

As much as I love getting my photo taken, I knew sticking around for pictures and questions in this scenario is probably the last thing I should do. So instead I stayed close to Natsuo almost sandwiched between him and Fuyumi. I stayed betwen them as we kept moving, Sho and Deku were behind us not rushing, Sho seemed unaffected and Deku was looking down red faced and embarrassed. It was kinda cute. I looked back ahead watching Enji ignore everyone moving forward with purpose and carrying himself with pride. I smiled watching him I know not everyone can see him or respect him as the number one hero but, to me, He can be so much more if only people would give him a chance. I know he’s not the most kind person in public, but with the right sidekick or partner that could change easy. When Hawks was with him those brief days, his like ability actually raised. So I know all it takes is someone pushing him to be more interactive with his fans, he knows now there are some that like him, bit i also understand why it’s so hard for him to accept it...

“Alright, were in, lets go find some seats.”

The ceremony went by slowly, I was bored listening to a bunch of speeches but at least made it look like I was paying attention. I couldn’t even sit by Enji because Fuyumi took my place, and then I managed to get stuck between Natsuo and Sho and they kept talking and we had to refrain from laughing to loud at a few things. Midoriya was so interested in everything that was happening and i started to pay attention when they actually started calling name, Sho and Natsuo stopped after Fuyumi told them to shut up. Which I appreciated now that things were getting interesting. I listened to the awards leaning forward more and more as more hero’s showed up collecting awards and moving on with speeches each with their own rounds of applause. I got this twisted feeling about Eniji going so I whispered to Sho who voiced the idea of us cheering for their dad and Fuyumi praised him for caring about their dad and he took the praise. So when Enji was called for an award of Achievement and a few other things the crowd applauded but how it normaly had so I stood up pulling Sho and Natsuo with me which caused Fuyumi and Midoriya to stand we clapped louder and cheered “For the new Number one Hero!” I screamed and then the five of us cheered more as others started to stand and clap louder. I looked at Fuyumi who smiled back and nodded. After the crowd calmed down and sat he gave a short speech, almost another thirty minutes of closing speech we finally got to leave.

“Finally! I’m free!” I cheered running straigh into Natsuo’s back as he stopped out of nowhere. “My face.” I groaned pushing away from him, it was in that moment I realized how big he actually was, “Wow, you’re actually tall.” I leaned to use his head to block the sun.

He looked back over his shoulder at me, “huh? Did you say something down there?” He... he just... he just bullied me for my height... “I-...” I look esta him and swallowed, “IM TELLING FUYUMI YOURE BULLYING ME!”

I watched his eyes widen and turned to rush to Fuyumi and he screamed, “wait...NO”

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“Natsuuoooooo?” I poked his cheek as he sat pouting arms crossed, “Nat...Suo? Nat... pssst hey Nat, you still mad?” I poked his cheek again and smiled watching him force back a smile. “Come one, you cant be mad.” I poked his cheek causing him to smile briefly before he forced it back again, so I quickly summoned a feather and poked his cheek distracting him before using it to tickle his other side causing him to laugh.

“Alright fine fine, I’m not mad anymore.” He wheezed as I pulled my feather away, plucking it from the air. “A hero’s work is never done.” I gave an exaggerated sigh and he a single laugh kinda like a scoff, “Some hero you are, you get innocent pedestrians hurt to save them.” he crossed his arms and snapped his head the other way, unamused I felt me brows go up, “Innocent? Pedestrian? You?” I paused when he gave me an offended look. “I don’t think so.”

“Natsuo-“ We turned to look at Shoto, the two of having been sitting outside on a stone bench after Fuyumi scolded him strongly and I pulled into it.

“Yes?” He asked standing up and popping his back.

“Our father, asked if you could head back with Fuyumi to the hotel to pick up her bag of clothes. She left it when she was rushing out. Well meet for lunch before we do anything else.” Shoto said leaning his head to the side slightly.

“Oh,” he looked at me and then over his shoulder at the doors we had both just sulked out of, “yeah, well take a Taxi. I’ll get Fuyumi and we’ll leave.” He nodded and turned to leave.

I moved to stand by Sho, “So?” I asked elbowing him slightly, “how was last night?” “Well, I could ask you the same.” He side eyed me, “Take your phone with you next time you jump out a window.” I didn’t miss the amusement in his eyes, “Right,” I nodded and he closed his eyes a small smile on his lips. “Now, where are we going for lunch?”

“Oh! I read about this American style fondue place! It’s supposed to be really good! So I kinda wanted to try it and I was going to suggest it but, it’s pricey so, eheh, ya know.” I shrugged and Shoto’s brief look of amusement came back, you want what Kaminari told me is a Glucose Guardian, someone who pays for what you want.” I choked, “Sugar daddy.”

“What?”

“What. Nothing, so, lunch? I’m hungry? Also I’m riding in front move.” I rushed past him jumping into the passenger seat before he followed after Deku had met him. I was buzzing in my seat and the took Enji’s hand the moment he was sat and started driving, I squeezed his hand staring out the window, watching the building and cars pass. It felt so nostalgic, but how could it be nostalgic?

“Where are we eating?” I turned to Enji at his question, before looking at Sho through the mirror, “There’s this place Y/n was talking about.” I felt a squeeze to my hand meeting Enji’s stare as he looked at me briefly before looking at the road, “Where is it?”

I smiled and used my free hand to grab my phone, “it’s not to far from here, we should be able to make it in ten minutes if traffic is good.” I clicked away typing the address, “Yup, go straight, take a right at the light, and it should be a large glass building on the corner! It’s a fondue place, more American style!” I tried to talk and explain while squeezing Enji’s hand at the excitement I was feeling. Upon getting to the restaurant we waited a while, having sent Fuyumi and Natsuo the address we waited at least half an hour until we got a call.

“Dad, I don’t think we’ll be able to do lunch today, a really bad wreck caused a traffic jam on this side of the city, it’s an estimated two hour wait until we can move, well find a place to eat once we get closer if you all want to go ahead and eat we’ll be fine.” Before he could answer Shoto spoke “Thank you for your sacrifice.”

“We should go then?” I questioned looking around the car.

“Yes.” Enji said turning the key and opening his door to get out.

After we all got out the car, we started our way towards the restaurant. I awed at it, we made it in met with a nice man, “Welcome to The Melting Hot Pot! How many will be in your party?”

We all looked up at Enji, “Four.” We all nodded, it felt as if we were judging him.

“Would you like a private room or to be seated in our public seating area.”

“Private.” He nodded and the host nodded, “You can follow me this way.”

“Will this be you’re first time dining with us?” We all slid into seats in the large luxurious looking booth, it’s was in a room with a sliding screen door for privacy.

“Yes it will.”

“Great! I’ll give you the crash course before you’re waiter comes to attend to your table.”

After about seven minutes and looking at a menu the Host left and we started to talk about what sounded good.

“Wisconsin cheddar cheese?” Shoto asked.

“Flaming turtle... sounds painful...” Midoriya was staring at the opposite side of the menu.

“Maybe... we should start with a salad? Before we start looking at the fondue, there’s.. Wisconsin Wedge... California... Caesar... and a house, so, what sounds good?”

We tried to talk it out but no luck, we ended up right where we started, until Midoriya looked at Enji, “Mr.Endeavor sir,” I held back a laugh.

He hummed staring at Deku, his face didn’t change making him seem angry or annoyed, “What?”

Midoriya flinched.

“Maybe you.... you have more experience with this than we do, do you have a-any... advice?”

Enji nodded, “Get a California Salad, you’re allowed two cheeses, well get the Wisconsin Cheddar and Quattro Formaggio, for entree you’ll get a classic plate that comes with Pork, shrimp, chicken and steak cooked in a Mojo style broth, and for two desserts you’ll get a flaming turtle and Yin & Yang mix.”

We all stared at him, “Have you been here before?” I asked interested.

“No,” he held up a rectangular piece of plastic lined paper, “It’s a recommended course.”

“That’s very convenient.” I mumbled and we all looked as our waiter slid the door open finally entering.

“Hello, sorry for being late, what can I bring you to drink.”

“A tea, please.” Shoto and Midoriya spoke at the same time.

“Alright, two sweet iced teas,” and for you, she turned to me, “A spirit free watermelon cooler.”

“Good choice, and for you sir?” She turned to Enji who was looking at the menu, “A Billionaire’s Coffee.” He didn’t even look at her.

“Alright,” she looked at us, “I’ll get your drinks and be right back to take your order.”

She left and we casually just sat there looking around at the decor.

“I like the low lights, it’s nice kinda cosy.” I talked out loud to no one, before I looked at Midoriya locking eyes contact, “perfect place for a date.”

He chocked on air and brought his arm to his face blushing stuttering out things I didn’t understand. I laughed a bit, enjoying the show before he calmed down when the waiter appeared.

“Alright, what are we getting?” She looked at us and all I did was look up at Enji, he sighed, “We’d like to try the Complete Fondue experience for four.” He tapped the plastic with his finger and she noted it, “in that exact order.”

She nodded again, “An exact copy of the full experience, now before I head out, does anyone want to add a lobster tail or any extra meats to their plates?”

“No,”

“No thank you.”

“No, I’m good.”

“No.”

“Alright then, I’ll be turning on the burners, they will get hot, please do not touch them.” She pulled out a small metal stand with a promotional flyer and placed it on the burners before she left.

“I’m excited.” I reached over under the table and took Enji’s hand and brought it back to my lap squeezing his bigger hand between mine.

His hand squeezed mine, I smiled up at him before looking down at his hand, callused, warm. Scars were present but hardly noticeable, I ran my thumb over his knuckles, losing myself in the patterns I began to draw, feeling myself fall into a feeling of nostalgia.

“Y/n,” I looked up at the sound, “Hm?” I hummed in response looking around.

“Are you fine?” Shoto asked his voice soft but his brows were furrowed.

“Yeah, just thinking about school and the internships.” I shrugged, “We’ve been through a lot with everything that’s happened, it’s hard to believe we’re just first year.”

“Hm.” Shoto nodded and I pulled a hand up and lates it palm up on the table.

“Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I see and the more we do, it kinda scares me,” I looked at a scar it ran from the side of my wrist to the back of my hand, it was a deep wound from my Internship, “But seeing everything also makes me realize,” I balled my fist up smiling, “There’s so much space for new hero’s to rise and it excites me knowing one day I’ll be out there fighting for a chance to be number one.”

“Ambitious.” I flinched at the waiters voice who slid the door closed as she entered, “You must be in a hero school then.”

“I, yes, I am.” I nodded and looked away.

“I’ve never heard of you, you must not be that well known. Everyone however would be able to notice our lovely new number one hero Endeavor.” She smiled and patted Enji who just gave her a side eye and she quickly pulled her hand away.

I let out a mix of a scoff and a laugh, “You must live under a rock, or be uncultured, I’m from UA, were our sports festival is streamed publicly almost everywhere throughout the prefecture and surrounding cities, not to mention I was in the news quite a few times with Endeavor and Pro Hero Hawks, I was on headlines and on front page covers of newspapers and magazines, if you can’t recognize me it really goes to show what kind of woman you are.” I made a face and she made a face back.

Before we started a stare down another person walked in, “Alright, here comes a hot pot, everyone be careful.”

As the second waiter was setting up the meal I couldn’t help but mumble to myself, “Bite me, it’s what rabid dogs do anyways.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

After eating and Midoriya and I burning ourselves multiple times on hot cheese fondue we finished our desserts and started to head out.

We stepped out into the dark, the afternoon sun had set and the cities night life was crawling out into the streets, lights lit up outside patios, rooftops had flames lit lighting tables, tinted windows were lit up showing the chandeliers that hide during the day. Ladies in fancy dresses and men in suits and flashy attire. It was in that moment I realized how wrong our relationship is, I’m in UA, I’m only 16, sure the consent age is lower then that but, I, this is morally wrong in some eyes... I could ruin Enji’s career if anyone ever found out... I felt a sense of worry fill me. No one knew, I didn’t care before. So what scares me now?

“So! What are we doing tomorrow?” I looked at Enji and Shoto as we walked, Midoriya was unintentionally hidden by Shoto.

“It’s a surprise.” Shoto answered very bluntly and I squinted at him, “Very helpful.”

“How are Fuyumi and....” I paused the name leaving me and looked down, embarrassed, thinking, his name just couldn’t be Naruto because it’s pretty close to that anyways, “Natsuo! Heh! I remembered.”

“Fuyumi messaged me, they tried a curry at an Indian restaurant near the hotel, Natsuo also now holds the title for eating a plate of the spiciest curry in under an hour.” Shoto said flashing us his phone which had a very red smiling Natsuo holding a certificate and a $200 dollar check.

“That’s... impressive.” I was impressed, but it seemed like a painful thing.

I felt my phone buzz, I answered if, “Hello?”

“Hey y/n! It’s Fuyumi, I’d you don’t mind when you get to the hotel can you stop by the hotel shop and pick up something for indigestion or upset stomach, maybe heart burn?”

“Oh,” I smiled, “Yeah, I can do that, we’re on the way back about to get in the car, the streets are empty so we should be there soon, so, I’ll get it for you.”

“Thank you, sorry for the burden but I feel bad for leaving Natsuo while his stomach is hurting this much.”

“Don’t worry! I’m a hero, it’s what I do.” I smiled getting into the car as we reached it.

“Still, thank you y/n.” She sounds like she was smiling, I could feel it, in that moment how much she really cared for her family. It kinda warmed my heart in a way I can’t describe.

“Alright, see you then.” I ended the call and explained everything on the way over, Enji sighed and rubbed his forehead before pinching the bridge of his knows shaking his head. I smiled, noticing the edge of his lips twitch upwards a bit before he forced it down mumbling out Natsuo’s name and something I couldn’t hear.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

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@waffleees-world @daedaep69 @gabrielislovegabrielislife @sabrinakishi @mae3solo

[cole-grey-writes]

Different, 70 Years Later

Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Timeline: Post-The Avengers

Character(s): Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Male Reader

Warning(s): swearing, perceived homophobia, mentioned period typical homophobia

Request: Omg hi i miss seeing you in here. Can i request Steve Rogers X Male Reader angst + fluff. Like they had a big fight and then in the end they just forgive each other and cuddle and talk about a beautiful memories together until they both asleep. I love you ❤️

A/n: WOW can i just apologize that it took me literally months to finish this. I’ve just been so preoccupied by another fandom that I started hyperfocusing on (it was my hero academia if anyone wants to know). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this and ignore the fact it took me a decade to get it out :)

You and Steve have only been dating for five months when you have your first fight. Honestly, it’s surprising that it took this long to happen.

You wish you didn’t remember what the fight was about, you really wish, but you remember exactly.

The fight had started due to Steve’s attitude towards your relationship. It’s clear that Steve isn’t ready to come out to his friends about your relationship, as you’ve come to realize, but that’s obviously not your actual concern. You’re not at all bothered by Steve not being ready to come out, it’s a subject you would never push. No, there’s a much bigger issue that you have a problem with.

It seems Steve is still being influenced by rotten and outdated 1930s ideology, still thinks that being queer is a bad thing which is very much untrue. You had done your best to explain that to your boyfriend, done your best to explain that there is absolutely nothing wrong with two men being in a relationship despite how much Steve’s time period has convinced him otherwise. Your efforts to help had backfired, though, for reason you can’t even begin to figure out.

Steve had gotten defensive all of a sudden, the conversation getting out of hand and blurry from there. The conversation turned into something else, something bordering on a screaming match. The fact that it was near midnight when the fight began had saved your neighbors from having to endure any interrupted sleep.

You and Steve had broken apart, eventually. Unfortunately, it was not because you were actually done fighting and instead, because Steve had stormed out of your apartment where you both had gathered after a long day (well, more like a week) of work. Maybe it sounded cliche or something, but you realized you wouldn’t be speaking to Steve for a while once you hear the echoing of the apartment door slamming shut.

You were right about you and Steve not speaking because you’re sitting in a local coffee shop called Honey Bean all by yourself by the time a week has passed.

You’re settled down at one of the two-seater tables in the front of the coffee shop so that the sun can bath you in light. You’d ordered a large muffin, although it’s not your favorite kind because apparently they don’t make more batches after 10:00 a.m., and are also half-way finished with your second venti cup of iced coffee. It’s not much of a lunch, though you don’t really care because you weren’t paying attention to your food all that much.

Your mind is still preoccupied with the fight, unable to force the thoughts revolving around it away.

“Want some shop with that coffee?” the voice breaks through the constant replay from behind your eyes. Your eyes snap up to Clint who has taken a seat across from you. You and Clint have both worked for SHIELD for years so you are very close, working as partners on missions many times. Actually, missions are where you and Clint grew closer, Natasha Romanov as well, which lead to your inevitable friendship.

You press your lips together, putting your coffee down as you refrain from rolling your eyes. “How’d you find me?” Clint’s mouth opens as if he’s going to say something but you interrupt him at the last moment. “Why am I even asking? You had Nat track my phone, didn’t you?”

Clint smiles too sweetly for the conversation you have no doubt is fast approaching. “You got that right.”

“Well,” You sigh heavily, “have at it. Say what you want to say.”

Clint hums, clearly appearing amused is the smile he’s failing to hide is anything to go by. “You know, I think I’ll start with the fact that you’re sitting in a coffee shop all alone because you’re too embarrassed to run into Steve in the SHIELD cafeteria.”

You don’t reply to Clint’s spoken truths as you play with the crumbly remains of your muffin. You mumble something along the lines of, “Hate being friends with SHIELD agents,” but your miniscule snip only causes Clint to laugh.

“So,” Clint says, “are you gonna explain why you and Steve are avoiding each other?”

You stare straight at Clint instead of avoiding eye contact, otherwise that would be admitting defeat, but you don’t say anything either because that would also be considered admitting defeat mostly because you have absolutely no idea what the hell you’re supposed to tell Clint. You and Steve are in a secret relationship. It’s bad enough that spilling your guts to Clint would be sharing your relationship without Steve’s permission but you would also be outing Steve in the process, which is completely out of the question disrespectful.

“No?” Clint says in a wondering tone before he shrugs, almost as if he knew you were going to refuse to answer the question. “I guess I’ll just tell you why you’ve been avoiding each other. You two got into a fight, a pretty bad one, not that it was hard to figure out. Bad enough to drive a visible wedge between two best friends who’ve been practically joined at the hip for months.”

You’re even more speechless, more than before, as Clint stares at you knowingly from across the table. Apparently, it’s his turn to sip his coffee pointedly.

You choose to bite the bullet and speak when Clint doesn’t continue picking apart your relationship with Steve after about a minute of complete silence. “Do you have a point to this?”

“There is a point,” Clint confirms. “The point is to make you talk to Steve.”

“Yeah, no shit. But, why?”

“Because you pout everywhere you go,” Clint informs you as if you didn’t already know. “Look, you’re obviously really bothered by whatever the fight was about. You and Steve aren’t gonna go back to what you were before unless you talk to each other about whatever happened.”

Your gaze lowers dejectedly, towards the muffin crumbs that stick to the napkin it sits on. The picture is clichely symbolic of what your and Steve’s entire relationship is gonna be if you don’t at least try to work through your fight. “You really think me and Steve could go back to being what we were before?”

Clint doesn’t even seem to hesitate before answering. “Guess you won’t know until you talk to him.” You roll your eyes more due to the harsh truth behind his words than any actual annoyance towards Clint for saying it.

You chew the inside of your cheek as you wonder if you should say what you’re thinking because you know it’s gonna be a very high ego boost for Clint. Ultimately, you decide to say it anyway. He deserves it after coming all this way so he could get two friends back together.

“You’re too convincing for your own good,” you tell him, Clint only smiling smugly in response. “Thank you.”

Clint shakes his head slightly. “Thank me by tracking Steve down and talking to him.”

Smiling, you nod in agreement. Finding Steve and making up is definitely going to be an immediate priority.

Standing from the table, you pick up all your trash, which just consists of a dirty napkin and two empty coffee cups, so you can throw it out on your way out of the door but Clint is stopping you.

“You can also thank me with another coffee,” Clint quickly adds before you’ve even begun to walk away. You scoff in disbelief before you internally give up.

“I’ll buy you as much coffee as you want when this is all over,” you promise him while grinning at the return of Clint’s playful personality.

Clint grins back at you, saying, “I’ll hold you to that.”

It seems as if the walk back to SHIELD takes forever while simultaneously taking no time at all which makes you even more anxious because now the discomfort and awkwardness that will be accompanying this talk is closer than you would like. But, that thought is quickly shoved away by the other side of your brain. Instead, it presents you with another thought, a fact actually that if you didn’t have this talk with Steve, your relationship would never be able to heal.

You suddenly realize that this fight could very well cost you your relationship with Steve which is even worse than having to deal with some minor discomfort for an hour at most. You don’t want that at all.

You remember how Steve had been adamant that being queer wasn’t right, most definitely from internalized homophobia, but you also remember how painfully upset he had looked while you two were going back and forth. You don’t want to give up on Steve, he doesn’t deserve that, especially not after enduring so much violent discrimination in his day and even some in the current years. Steve deserves to finally have some reprieve, deserves at least a shot at a happy ending.

You waste no more time wallowing in your own side of the story, pushing yourself to find Steve quickly.

Trudging through the halls of SHIELD headquarters seems to be more confusing than usual but you still manage to find Steve before the end of lunch. You spot him through the giant windows that provide a good view into the cafeteria. Steve is sitting with Natasha at a table with half-eaten food forgotten in front of them. Now, you want to march right inside the cafeteria so you can talk to Steve immediately but you don’t want to interrupt his lunch with Natasha so you just wait impatiently in the hallway.

Leaning against the wall across from the double-doors leading into the cafeteria, you watch as Steve finally stands from his table. Steve and Natasha exchange some sort of short conversation before he’s hastily making his way out of the cafeteria. Steve’s in such a hurry that you’re almost worried you won’t catch him before he walks off.

“Steve!” you call out, Steve pausing in his apparent quest to turn towards you. His eyes widen slightly upon recognizing you. As you approach him, you wonder, “Hey, um, can we… talk?”

“Wha– yes, of course!” Steve stutters awkwardly. “I was… actually just looking–”

And then there’s a buzzing noise echoing out from his pocket, clearly coming from his phone. You and Steve stop moving at the same time, the same look crossing your faces because you know exactly what that buzz means.

“You have a mission,” you state plainly as if Steve didn’t already sense that.

Steve sighs sadly, mumbling, “Yeah.”

You had feared this precise situation. You had wanted to make up with Steve before he left for a mission so that your fight wouldn’t stew any longer than it already has.

“This isn’t over,” Steve blurts. You look at him, confused and slightly worried at his phrasing. “I–I mean… I’ll text you. When the mission is over. We’ll talk.”

Managing a smile, you nod your head in agreement. When Steve steps forward, eyeing you questioningly, it takes a second for you to understand why. He’s clearly wondering whether or not it’s okay for him to kiss you goodbye. Kissing goodbye was just something you always did before Steve left for missions, your shared way of expressing that you’re gonna see each other again.

You take a step forward as well, understanding and relief flashing through Steve’s eyes as you do so, and you come together to exchange your goodbye kiss. You stay in the kiss for as long as you can but Steve’s phone is buzzing inside his pocket once again.

Separating reluctantly, you watch as Steve turns and walks away from you as the kiss lingers in your mind. Remembering how it felt, remembering that it felt like every other goodbye kiss you’ve exchanged before, which is surprisingly comforting to you.

The kiss in no way signifies that everything is fixed between you and Steve but it definitely means that you aren’t going to run away from each other anymore.

The mission doesn’t last very long, surprisingly, because Steve texts you around 9 o’clock asking you if he could stop by your apartment after he lands which you immediately agree with. You don’t even have to think about it anymore, the hours you spent alone giving you some time to really think about your fight.

In all honesty, as the hours ticked by, the fight between you and Steve grew to appear increasingly stupid and kinda messed up. You can’t even believe you’d blown up at Steve like you did instead of trying to reassure and comfort him. Steve isn’t like modern day homophobes, he didn’t have an open environment in his days to safely navigate and learn about queerness.

Your mind races with all the better ways you could have reacted to Steve as you impulsively made your living space cleaner for your boyfriend’s arrival. He knocks on your door at just past 10:30 p.m. and you don’t even have the willpower to stop yourself from instantly opening the door so it doesn’t seem like you were anxiously waiting right next to it.

You and Steve nervously stare at each other from opposite sides of the door before you finally step aside and invite him in. Steve smiles and enters your apartment, which is when you notice that he’s still dressed in his Cap uniform meaning he came straight to you after he landed. It’s a little dirtied and has clearly been drug through the mud but it’s not destroyed.

Relocating to the living room, Steve sits on the couch while you choose to sit perched up on the arm of the single seater. “Okay, so I think I should start off by telling you that I’m sorry,” you say, speaking meekly while subconsciously rubbing at the back of your neck. “I know that’s probably not what you wanna hear–”

“No, I’m sorry, too. I didn’t react the way I should have…” Steve trails off, as if he’s trying to get his thoughts and feels in order. “It’s just that I don’t think I’m ready to tell people, yet.”

Your mind stalls at your boyfriend’s words for a moment, your confusion causing you to stutter. “Wha– Steve, you don’t have to be.”

Steve’s face falls as he seems to cave into himself slightly, the sight twisting your guts in circles. You have never wanted to make Steve feel like that, like he has to hide from you. “That’s not what you said earlier.”

You feel your face scrunch up in confusion as your head tilts to the side. “What do you mean?”

Steve shifts around in his seat awkwardly. “Earlier, you know…” he shrugs and waves his hand around a bit, as if to help remind you of what he’s talking about. “when you were trying to convince me to come out.”

“What, Steve, no!” You’re immediately sitting up straight in your seat, your entire face widening in surprise. “That’s-that’s not what I was trying to say at all.”

“It wasn’t?”

You shake your head vigorously. “No, of course not. Me trying to bully you into coming out is just as bad as outing you myself. The only person who gets to decide when you come out is you.”

“Well, then what was I even mad at you for?” Steve wonders, his turn for his face to mold into a questioning expression.

“I have no idea… alright, let me get something straight,” you speak slowly, trying to make sense of the fight you and Steve had a week prior. “Last week, during our fight, you were only telling me you weren’t ready to come out about our relationship.”

“Correct.”

“And… and you weren’t actually saying you that being queer was a bad thing?”

Steve’s eyes darken with worry. “You thought I was saying that?” his voice seems so small, it makes you feel guilty for even thinking what you thought.

“I don’t know,” you sigh heavily, hands coming up to rub at your face. “I thought you were still being effected by your time period’s public homophobic ideals.”

Steve hums understandingly for some reason. “I know I used to internalize that stuff before, but I’ve worked through all that. I know being queer doesn’t make me less than others.”

You stand from your place on the arm of the single seater sofa so you can approach and reassure your boyfriend of the feelings you had previously thought he had. “That’s good, it doesn’t,” you pause before continuing. “I only wish I could go back and actually understand what you were saying. This whole thing wouldn’t have happened if I had just listened to you.”

“We both weren’t listening,” Steve smiles up at you sadly, clearly just as regretful as you are about this stupid fight that obviously shouldn’t have even happened in the first place.

You and Steve sit in silence for a moment, processing everything that’s just come out about your fight. There’s not more words exchanged between you as you both stand from your seats and gravitate towards each other in order to wrap your arms around each other.

You hug tightly for quite a long time, not saying anything, until you finally say, “I know you didn’t say anything about spending the night…”

“… Yeah,” Steve answers your unvoiced question without hesitation.

Somehow hugging even tighter, you and Steve manage to maneuver yourselves into the couch, laying side by side while pressing up against each other. You’re mostly on your back with Steve’s head resting near your neck and unable to stop yourself, you rest your hands in Steve’s soft blond hair in order to play with it despite how much soot and dried sweat lays within it.

It’s a while before one of you speaks. Steve begins to wonder out loud, “You remember how we met?”

You scoff lightheartedly, “How could I possibly forget?”

The memory comes to your mind easily. It was in the SHIELD cafeteria, you and Steve walking with your respective companions when Steve makes a sharp turn and accidentally bumps into you. Steve’s tray of food, as well as your own, spills all over you and your agent uniform. You remember Steve becoming a stammering mess of apologies out of embarrassment while Natasha stood next to him, surveying the scene in obvious amusement.

“You cost me $15 in dry cleaning,” you remind your boyfriend.

“I paid you back,” Steve whines as he pouts playfully.

Pressing your lips to Steve’s forehead, you mumble, “You certainly did.”

And, in fact, Steve did pay you back and he paid you back in the form of a two hour coffee date three days after he’d asked you out with a face as red as the tomato soup he’d spilled all over you.

You and Steve fall into a comfortable silence as you both seem to reminisce about an easier time in your relationship. Not that you want to go back to that time, you’re confident in that because while the first few months were easier, you and Steve have become more connected as time went on. You and Steve are closer to each other than you had been in the beginning and you don’t want to lose that for anything, not even for an easier time in your relationship.

“I know we can’t prevent fights,” you mutter, voice catching Steve’s attention. “But, can we at least promise that we’ll never stay away from each other for that long ever again?”

You feel Steve trying to burrow further into your neck as he says, “Only if we promise not to yell at each other that loud ever again.”

You agree immediately.

(NOT MY GIF)

Main Blog // Other Side Blog

((NO ONE HAS MY PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE EVEN WITH CREDIT))

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Parallels | Chapter 4

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist! | Parallels Masterlist

Characters: OC! Violet Grace Dawson, Luke Patterson, Julie Molina, Carrie Wilson, Bobby Wilson, Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, Flynn nolastname, Willie nolastname, Nick Danforth-Evans, Dirty Candy 

Guideline: Sunset Universe is the universe in which Sunset Curve is famous and Violet is friends with Carrie, Julie and Flynn. Candy Universe is the universe in which Dirty Candy is more famous and Sunset Curve has broken up. 

Song(s) used: Clued Up - Little Mix 

Warnings: none

Words:  2,845

It was almost midnight when the two girls collapsed on the floor of the dance studio after having rehearsed every single Dirty Candy song at least twice. Violet had almost gotten everything down. 

“Will you tell me more about the other universe?” Carrie asked as she stared at the off-white ceiling overhead. 

Violet turned her head a little to look at her best friend before facing the ceiling too. “Where should I start?” 

“Are we friends?” Carrie questioned without missing a beat. 

“Yeah, we’re best friends with Julie and Flynn. We spend most days in Julie’s garage, making music. We wrote at least a dozen songs together, I believe.” Violet smiled at the memory of them writing their first song together just a few years ago. It was one of their proudest moments together. 

Carrie then sat up straight, the movement capturing Violet’s attention. “Will you show me one?” she asked, and Violet shot up into the seating position too. “Please?” 

Violet’s eyes darted across the room where she found a bunch of instruments stalled. With a smile, she got up and made a beeline for the acoustic guitar in the corner before returning and sitting down opposite of Carrie. 

After having tuned the guitar to her liking, Violet placed her fingers on the correct strings and started playing. An upbeat melody chimed through the room seconds before Violet’s voice followed. 

“Hey, yeah, no, oh, oh, yeah, mmm” Listen, I used to dress like everybody else I wanted to just blend in They told me no, keep my dreams on the low Told me I'd never win, yeah I love to be different Guard up to opinions then let 'em in Tear me down, wanna see me drown Like being happy is such a sin, uh-huh”

Violet looked up for a second to find Carrie watching her with the softest smile on her face, the way Carrie always looked at her. It made her feel at home. 

“And now I'm older, it's never over It don't stop affecting me, the world keeps testing me I'm getting on track with every knock back On a bad day, I just gotta stay, stay, stay, stay”

Violet’s voice grew stronger as she lapsed into the chorus with Carrie watching her intently. 

“I stay clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty, sometimes it's pain Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh Woah-oh-oh, woah C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

She slowed it down again, her voice mellowing out during the second verse. 

“Invisible, I feel like I'm forgotten Do you even notice me? Yeah Work myself up, let the nerves take over How I feel isn't what you see I need control, don't know how to let it go I need to learn to let it be, yeah Gotta remember nothing lasts forever So I'm just happy being me, oh-oh”

“And when I'm older, it's never over It don't stop affecting me, the world keeps testing me I'm staying on track with every knock back On a bad day, I just gotta stay, stay, stay, stay”

“I stay clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty, sometimes it's pain Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

To Violet’s surprise, Carrie joined in during the post-chorus, which caused a wide, genuine smile to fall on Violet’s lips as the two voices blended together. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed and she was still in her own universe. 

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh Woah-oh-oh, woah C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

“I will never run, never run from a lesson I will never hide, never hide from the present All the ups and the downs All the heres and the nows, oh Everything I face, no, it's never forgotten 'Cause every single day is a chance I can blossom All the ups and the downs Yeah, I'm living right now, hey”

“Mmm, I'm living right now, yeah Aah, one, two, three!”

A giggle escaped Carrie’s lips before she tried her hardest to sing along with Violet. It ended up with her just echoing some of the words, but it added a certain quality to the song that Violet really digged. 

“I'm c-c-clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty (beauty, no), sometimes it's pain (pain) Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain (oh, sometimes it's rain) I'm c-c-clued up (up) and now I'm ready Just make the best of what you have”

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh, oh, oh I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have Beauty, but sometimes it's pain, mmh Sometimes it's sunshine, sometimes it's rain”

The last notes echoed through the space as the song came to an end, and made room for Carrie’s clapping and giggling. 

“That sounded great! Did you write this one?” she asked, intrigued to hear more about this universe of Violet’s. 

Violet smiled and placed the guitar next to her before answering. “Actually, you did…” 

Carrie’s eyes widened. “I did? Y-you mean your Carrie doesn’t sing about being popular and being the best at everything like I do?!” The girl was baffled at the idea that there were other subjects to write about than just popularity. 

“You should try it sometime,” Violet told her with a smile. “I’m sure you got something great in you. If Carrie from my universe can do it, then so can you.” 

“Sounds like a pretty good universe you lived in,” it sounded from the other side of the room and it didn’t sound like Carrie’s voice, whatsoever. Violet and Carrie turned their heads to find Bobby in the doorway. 

Violet smiled. “Actually, it was just okay. I don’t see you that often…” Bobby tilted his head a little before walking closer towards the girls. “What happened to Sunset Curve here? In my universe, they’re pretty big and touring the country at this very moment…” 

“We, uhm, we split up…” Bobby replied with a tinge of sadness in his voice. 

“What happened?” 

Bobby heaved in a deep breath before joining the girls on the floor. “Creative differences. I wanted to be famous, Luke was in it to prove to his parents he could make a career out of it, Alex just wanted to work out his frustrations and Reggie was just in it because his friends were…” 

“Oh, that sounds pretty terrible. Where are they now?” 

The boy shrugged. “Luke plays football, Reggie is focusing on his studies and Alex only has time for Willie.” 

“Who’s Willie?” Violet wanted to know, having never heard of the boy before. 

“Alex’s boyfriend,” Carrie replied, “And they’re the cutest couple on earth, I swear to God!” 

Violet’s eyes widened. “I knew Alex was gay. I swear the whole dating-a-different-girl-every-night was just a publicity stunt!” The Wilson siblings shot the girl a questioning look. “It’s a long story… But Alex is gay! Yay!” She excitedly clapped her hands, making the two teenagers in front of her chuckle. 

“So, any clue how we’re gonna get you back?” Carrie asked then. 

Violet smirked, “You already sick of me, Wilson?” Carrie’s mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. “I’m kidding. But no, I’ve got no clue whatsoever… There must be a reason why I’ve been brought here, right?” 

“I mean, you did tell me you wished someone would believe in me,” Bobby muttered, his voice laced with hurt and betrayal. 

Violet’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry about that, Bobby… I’m sure I didn’t mean it…” 

The three kids let the words settle in their brain before the three of them burst out into laughter. That sounded weird, even considering the situation. 

For the rest of the night, the three of them brainstorm together, trying to figure out what reason could be behind the switch. There had to be a reason for her to suddenly show up here. It had to mean something. 

Determinedly, Violet stormed through the hallway towards where she last saw Julie, Flynn and Carrie. They were still at Julie’s locker and, like they had many times before, immediately shut up. This time, Violet ignored it and instead came straight to the point. 

“What’s this?” she asked and showed the girls the picture she had made of the news article in the trophy case. “This isn’t right! Sunset Curve broke up a year ago!” 

Just as the words left her mouth, a girl Violet could recognize from miles away walked her way. She had a strut in her step and her long, black hair swooshed behind her with every swaying step she took. 

“Kayla!” Violet called out and when her friend turned around, her face screamed disgust. 

“What do you want?” she asked, her tone laced with annoyance. 

Violet’s eyes flicked from Kayla to Carrie and back. Kayla and Carrie weren’t friends here. And neither were Violet and Kayla. Dirty Candy wasn’t a thing in this universe. Though the logo on Kayla’s badge that was pinned to her jean jacket said differently. 

“Nothing – N-nevermind.” Violet turned back to the girls she was previously talking to. “Does Dirty Candy exist?” she asked in a hushed voice. 

“Yeah,” Carrie replied, the volume of her voice matching Violet’s. “It’s Kayla’s. She created the band with Dana, Cynthia and Sophia.” 

Violet blinked a few times, trying to process all the information. “Dana’s in the band?” she whispered, and neither of the girls were sure if she was talking to them or not. “Dana got kicked out of Dirty Candy… Our Dirty Candy.” She said that last part to Carrie. 

“Vi, we were never in Dirty Candy…” Carrie told her with furrowed eyebrows. 

Julie lifted her hand to Violet’s arm. “Are you certain about that universe thing?” 

“Yes!” Violet groaned. “This isn’t the world I’m used to living in. In my world, Carrie and I are in Dirty Candy and we haven’t spoken in over a year since your mother died.” She pointed at Carrie first, then gestured to the two other girls before her gaze landed on Julie. 

Julie’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Her mother really did know more, she was certain of it. There was something she was hiding and Julie had to find out what it was. But first, she wanted to know more about this universe Violet seemed to come from. 

She grabbed Violet’s hand and dragged her towards the empty music room at the back of the school where no one ever came. This used to be Sunset Curve’s rehearsal space during their free periods and  now, Julie used it to work on her music when the girls couldn’t help. 

“Tell us more about that universe of yours,” Julie demanded as she hopped onto a desk in the corner. Her eyes flicked to the other two girls, searching for their approval before adding, “We wanna know everything.” 

“So, in my universe, your mother passed away. She got ill, really ill and after she passed, you lost your love for music. You didn’t sing a note for a year and we kinda lost each other. Carrie and I started to spend more time together afterwards and eventually created Dirty Candy. We grew our band with Cynthia, Sophia and Kayla, and became more and more popular the more we performed at school and at Chubbie’s pizzeria.” 

Carrie’s eyes twinkled at the idea of forming a band with her best friends, though she couldn’t quite see how she could start a band without Flynn and Julie. There was no Carrie and Violet without Flynn and Julie, or any other way around. 

“You have a Chubbie’s too?” Flynn questioned, earning a glare from Carrie and Julie. 

“That’s your question?” Julie shot back, shaking her head. She then turned back to Violet. “Continue, please.” 

Violet chuckled a little. “Besides rehearsals for Dirty Candy, I mostly hang out at Carrie’s where Bobby mostly mopes around because he doesn’t have any friends since Sunset Curve split up.” 

“Why’d they split?” Carrie wanted to know. 

“I don’t know, some drama, I guess? I don’t really pay much attention to him, to be honest.” A soft laugh escaped Violet’s mouth at the thought of teasing Bobby to the fullest with all her stupid pranks and witty comebacks during rehearsals. 

“Why’d you switch places with our Violet?” Julie then queried. 

Violet shrugged. “If only I knew that… The blogpost I found doesn’t really give a theory about why people switch places with their parallel self. It just – happened, I guess?” 

Julie mulled the answer over in her head whilst her teeth dug into her bottom lip in thought. She knew she could ask her mother about all of this. She had to know something about it. There had to be more that she could tell them. 

“I think there’s someone who can help us,” she muttered and jumped back on her feet. Her three friends followed behind her until they reached the street and they were on their way to Julie’s house. Their last period was a free period, so it wouldn’t really matter that they left school early. It was something they did quite often to go and jam in Julie’s garage. 

“Mom?” Julie called out as the girls entered the house. “Mom! You home?” 

Rose entered the hallway from the living room with a wide smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes that Violet hadn’t seen in years. The girl’s eyes widened upon seeing the curly-headed woman. She was alive. Alive and well and right in front of her. 

“You– you’re alive… Miss Molina… You’re alive. You’re actually–” Violet let out a surprised chuckle whilst tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re actually alive…” she breathed. 

Rose’s eyes darted from Violet to her daughter and the other girls before landing back on Violet. A light behind her eyes flicked on, signalling at the resemblance of the situation she had found herself in years ago. 

“I know what’s going on here,” Rose mumbled before heading into the kitchen. The girls exchanged glances before following the Latina woman. Violet and Julie took a seat at the table, opposite where Rose had taken a seat, while Carrie leaned against the counter where Flynn hoisted herself onto. 

With the girls’ expectant eyes on her, Rose heaved in a deep breath. “You’ve switched universes, haven’t you?” was the first question she asked. “You fainted and woke up in a world where you know the people but they lead completely different lives?” 

Violet’s mouth dropped, her eyes flicking to the other girls before focusing back on Rose. “Y-yes, that’s… That’s exactly what happened.” 

Rose smiled faintly. “I got myself in the same situation…” she admitted. “I was eighteen at the time and I had told my boyfriend at the time that I wished I lived in a world where he wasn’t such a jerk. Next thing I knew, I fainted and woke up in a world where my boyfriend was gay and my friends led completely different lives from mine. I was in a band, Rose and The Petal Pushers, and we were pretty famous there. All my other friends either didn’t talk to me anymore or were in my band.” 

Carrie and Violet exchanged a quick glance. That sounded an awful lot like them. 

“How did you get back here?” Flynn questioned from her spot on the counter. 

Fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, Rose continued. “There’s this unfinished business I had to complete in that world and the Rose I knew had to do the same in mine. My unfinished business was getting Rose and The Petal Pushers in a band while the other Rose had to help find my boyfriend’s way out of the closet…” she smiled at the memory that floated back to the surface. “Aside from marriage and having two beautiful children–” she tucked a strand of Julie’s hair behind her ear with a smile, “The switch was the biggest adventure of my entire life.” 

“Wow, mom,” breathed Julie. 

Violet nodded her head, “That’s a crazy story, miss Molina.” 

Rose scoffed and reached for Violet’s hand. “Please, you call me Rose in this universe.” 

A smile landed on Violet’s cheeks. “Thanks for the reassuring story, Rose.” 

“I hope it calms your nerves and worries about all of this.” 

“It definitely does.”  

Rose smiled before patting the girl’s hand. “So,” she said, “What’s your unfinished business?” 

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[xsparklingravenx]

breathtaking

Title: breathtaking

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Characters: Albedo, Klee

Rating: G

Word Count: 2,275

Summary: The times that Klee and Albedo tell each other to breathe.

AO3

The paintbrush dashed across the canvas, and in turn, something true came to life.

On the grassy plains of Mondstadt’s surrounding areas, a boy stood silent, a palette of colour in one hand, the brush in the other. Gently, he curved those colours across the blank sheet, splashes of blue and green and brown, the boars that roamed the plains recreated in paint and chalk outlines.

These boars were unremarkable, but that in itself was what made them noteworthy. Such a contradiction shouldn’t have made sense, but to the boy, it was perfect enough to immortalise. Hilichurls and Abyss Mages took to these lands like they were their own, but still the boars persisted, living free and unafraid. At any moment, they could be hunted, for sport or for food, and yet the few before him had survived their entire lives out in an unforgiving world.

Now they lived immortal in his image. Caught up in his work, he paid no attention to the passing of time around him, how the sun crossed the sky, how the wind danced across his skin, the Anemo Archon’s quiet blessing. Another brushstroke here and there brought his vision closer to completion. The boars continued to graze. The grass was emerald green, and if he mixed his colours just right, then maybe—

A distant explosion had him pausing. The boy turned his head, a single strand of pale hair falling into his eyes as he searched for the source. Somewhere over the hills, it seemed, far enough from him that he needn’t pay it any mind. Were the Knights of Favonius out exterminating vermin today? He wondered, idly, if Sucrose was with them, though he didn’t identify any sort of Anemo traces in the air from this far away. Another boom in the air, and he cast the thought aside, returning his attention to his art.

Life stilled around him once more. That was it. The boars carried on quietly. The colours melded together. Three boars, quiet, content, living beings, born from the soil and destined to return to it. They breathed, interacted with the elements, survived—

An explosion shook the air, so close that it rattled his canvas. The boy stopped still, a frown on his face, because he was certain he knew that sound. And he knew that intensity.

And he knew that brand of giggling.

He opened his mouth to shout, to cry, wait—but he was a fraction too late. The sight before him erupted into fire and chaos as an explosion roared and took out every single sign of life in front of him. The grass flamed, the boars that had survived their entire lives out on the plain now little more than charred carcasses before him. He stared at the carnage in front of him, the canvas still depicting his quiet moment from moments before, wordless at the sight.

And then, from the smoke and disaster, a tiny figure came sprinting out, arms at her side, eyes wide. She skidded to a stop before the boy, planting her hands on her hips, looking immensely pleased with herself. “Albedo! Did you see Jumpty Dumpty! It went boom!”

Albedo looked beyond her, to where the grass was still burning, smoke rising up into the sky. “Klee…? Why did it have to be here?”

He knew better than to question her intentions, because her intentions were always cause the biggest explosion possible. She beamed at him, and then, spotting his canvas, she bolted up to it. “Oh! Oh! Were you drawing again? It looks really good!”

“I was…up until you decided to blow my subjects up, yes.” Albedo looked between the smoking grass, the charred meat that was cooking in the fire, and his art, which was miraculously unscathed. “How did you…why were you…where’s Jean?”

Klee giggled. “Master Jean is busy today, so she let me go exploring! I wanted to try out some of my treasures, but Kaeya says that ‘explosion inside city wall, grounded be thy woe’, so here I am!”

She admired his painting as he looked down at his colours and wondered if he should add the fires to his painting. It was hardly an interesting specimen to recreate.

“They look really cool, Albedo is so good at making pictures!” Klee sat on the ground in front of it and watched the flames rise. “I didn’t know you’d be here, I just got lucky! I haven’t seen you in a while…you’re always so busy, but now we can hang out, right? Maybe we can play with my treasures?”

Playing with her treasures was a shortcut to a fiery doom, but he couldn’t deny that her words instilled a sense of guilt in him. So caught up in his alchemic studies as of late, all his time had been spent with Timaeus and Sucrose. He’d been hanging up his do not disturb sign constantly, and Klee had been all but left to her own (chaotic) devices. “Sorry, Klee. I didn’t realise you wanted my attention. Seeing as the boars are all…well, halfway to becoming a sticky honey roast, I suppose I can spare some time to play with you. Not that it was exactly how I saw my day going.”

“Oh! Oh! Can we find a cooking pot? Can you make Woodland Dream? I love when you cook, Albedo! It’s just like when you do your alchemy stuff, like, you go poof and then…bam! You make something new!”

Her enthusiasm might have been infectious to someone else, but fortunately, Albedo had been blessed with the ability to remain calm and casual-minded in her presence. “Considering we have plenty of fresh meat right here, Woodland Dream seems like a waste.”

“But if you make that, then I can go and get all the fishes with Jumpty Dumpty! We can play, and then we can eat! And then you can draw. Maybe you can draw me?”

She hopped up as Albedo considered her request. He hardly ever used his skills to paint that which did not pique his interest in the realm of alchemy, but she’d asked so earnestly. Would it be so wasteful to dedicate a couple of hours to produce happiness?

“Albedo?”

He looked down. The fire was beginning to die away now behind Klee, the grass singed and blackened. She adjusted her backpack, and he said, “Yes?”

“You should breathe,” she said, smiling impossibly wide. “Come on, let’s go! We’ve got fishes to get!”

And then she was gone, dashing off across the plains, and he realised that she was right. In his pursuit of life, in his creation of art, he had not taken a single breath in. He closed his eyes and did as she asked, allowing himself the mimicry of human necessity. Nobody noticed, except her, and she didn’t question it.

In the distance, she turned and shouted, “Albedo! I’m gonna leave you behind if you don’t hurry!”

Packing up his art supplies, he chased after her, thoughts of eruptions in the back of his mind. It was going to be a long day, keeping her from wanton destruction, but at least she’d be happy—and he couldn’t deny that a day spent with her wouldn’t brighten his spirits regardless.

***

The outskirts of Dragonspine mountain were bitterly cold, the water close to freezing entirely, and yet the moment Klee went beneath the surface, Albedo didn’t hesitate to dive beneath.

It wasn’t supposed to be serious. He’d asked the traveller and her floating companion for assistance in collecting Starsilver for an alchemical recipe, and yet Lumine had shown up on the mountain side with Klee in tow, claiming that she’d been with her when he’d sent word to Mondstadt that he wished for her help, and that she refused to stay behind.

“It’ll be fine!” Paimon had declared in Lumine’s lieu. “Paimon thinks that even if things go bang, at least it’ll be nice and warm!”

“And we can always cook you over one of her open flames if things start looking dire,” Lumine added, looking a little smug.

Klee had been giggling then, but that had been before they’d run into the Lawachurl, before the lumbering beast had picked her up in its great hands and thrown her through the air. Her scream still rang out in his ears. Life born from soil was so fragile, and that was what he’d thought when he’d watched, helpless, as she hit the water and sank beneath it.

He had not thought through his plan, he’d just acted, tossing aside his sword and abandoning the traveller to the battle. The cold had not been a factor in his mind. The fight was forgotten. Miss Alice’s words echoed in his skull, treat her like a real younger sister!

Elder brothers protected their siblings. The traveller had told him stories of her own brother, how she would do anything to find him. She’d also mentioned the Fatui Harbinger who would do anything for the sake of his baby brother, and he knew of Diluc’s loyalty to his own non-blood sibling, how the rift between him and Kaeya had not prevented him from coming to his aid before. Albedo was not related to Klee, but she was his sister nonetheless, and that meant he had to save her.

The water was akin to ice, but his body withstood it, powered by something more than adrenaline. His eyes stung, but there she was, floating lifelessly, a small body so still, and something surged in his chest, emotion that he did not often feel, emotion that overtook his thoughts, his logic.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest, and oh, she was still a child, still so tiny, with so much power but as fragile as every other being. He thought of the boars she’d taken the lives of that day before his canvas, how she’d ended their existence with the childish joy of an exploded bomb, and he thought of the Lawachurl and its base desire to attack. They were not the same, yet they were; life was inexplicably difficult to understand.

He broke the surface, not choking or hacking, but that was normal for him. Klee did not move. There were no coughs, no groans, no cracking open of her eyes. She was limp in his arms, drenched through and frozen in his arms.

“Klee!” Albedo shouted, the roar of the Lawachurl’s fierce battle with Lumine nearly sweeping away his voice. He kicked his legs to keep them afloat, but he was losing his strength fast, the cold sweeping it away. “Wake up!”

Still, she didn’t move. She hung there in his grasp, and it was then that he realised that she wasn’t breathing. Fear gripped his heart as he dragged her through the water to the snowy bank. He had to hope that Lumine could hold it off without him. He had to hope that there was still enough of Klee left in her body for him to save.

Pushing back his shivers, he laid her on the snow and tipped her head back. Acting on instinct more than thought, he pressed the heel of his hand to her chest, one hand instead of two, not wanting to hurt her with his actions, but wanting to keep her with him through any means necessary.

Usually, he brought things to life through the act of creation, through alchemy, through his paintbrush and his clever mind. This was different. Klee was already living, he just had to keep her that way, and in his experience, keeping something alive was almost always more difficult than giving it a pulse. Practicality and alchemic practices went hand-in-hand, and yet here he was, doubting himself.

He pressed down. One compression. Two. Three. Keeping track of the time between them as Lumine shouted behind him, as the Anemo Archon’s winds whipped across his skin, as the unforgiving bitterness of Dragonspine bit deep into his bones of chalk. Albedo thought of blooming flowers, of exploding bombs, and he thought of Miss Alice and his own chest splintered beneath the pressure.

“Breathe, Klee!” he cried. “Breathe!”

And she did. She choked. Water expelled itself from her lungs as Albedo sat back to give her space. He heard the thump of the Lawachurl hitting the ground behind him, and, trusting Lumine to finish it off, he gave Klee all his attention.

As her breathing calmed, he asked, “Are you okay? Klee, speak to me.”

“Too much water…” she whispered, reaching out her arms to him. “I was scared…”

He knelt in front of her and answered her request silently, pulling her close to his chest as she buried her head into his. Alive. She was still frozen but she was alive.

“Your catalyst,” he said. “Your Vision. Use it.”

Between them, Pyro erupted, warmth in a different sense than her usual explosions. It swept through him and her both, and into his chest, she said, “You rescued me, Albedo…”

“Of course I did.”

And as she wrapped her tiny arms back around him, she said, “Breathe too, please?”

He closed his eyes and did. In and out in time with her, soil and chalk. The oxygen did nothing for him, but it did everything for her, so he followed her lead, this girl full of energy and life, his family until the end.

“Woodland Dream when we get back,” he said. “I promise.”

She held onto him tight, and he listened to her breaths, the cold forgotten, the fear draining away.

He could breathe for her as much as she needed him to.

[blackmissfrizzle]

Playing Games- Part Deuce

Read Part 1

Characters: Florian Munteanu x black!reader

Summary: Things pop off in the club

Warning: Some smut 18+

A/N: This part was so fun to write! I really hope y’all enjoy this!

Songs inspired by this part:

https://open.spotify.com/track/5hgnY0mVcVetszbb85qeDg

https://open.spotify.com/track/1TMWcbxL5YF8rKsFHv5hAP

https://open.spotify.com/track/3A2yGHWIzmGEIolwonU69h

Florian didn’t know who he was playing with. He must have forgotten how petty you could be.

While he was in the shower, you decided to change into your freakum dress. He wouldn’t be able to resist you in that, but he was going to have to.

Careful not to mess up your hair or make-up, you pulled the white, skin-tight dress over your head. Looking at the full-length mirror in the locker room, you adjusted your girls, making sure they were in full display. The dress dipped to the middle of your chest, ensuring a good amount of cleavage was showing.

Facing your back to the mirror, you checked to see if your ass wasn’t making an appearance. The dress was dangerously short and even though you wanted to tempt Flo, you didn’t want to make him feral out in public.

“Ingerul meu,” (my angel) Florian muttered when he saw you checking yourself out.

“You like?” You giggled and twirled around to give him a 360 view.

“I love it,” Florian kissed you and led you out to the car. “Just don’t get too attached to it,” he claimed, admiring your figure as he let you in the car.

Sticking a finger in his face, you warned him. “Nuh uh, nope, not gonna happen. You cannot keep ruining my clothes just because you’re impatient.”

Florian just smiled at you and took the finger you had in his face and put it in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. Any other objections you had died on lips, because whatever Flo was doing to your finger went straight to your pussy.

Letting go of your finger, he leaned over you as if he was going to kiss you, but instead he pressed the button to raise the partition.

“Tease.” You mumbled, inhaling his teakwood cologne.

He took your hand and raised it to his lips. “Compared to you that’s nothing.”

Crossing your arms under your boobs to push them out even more, you replied. “I’m not that bad.”

His eyes dipped to your chest with lust, then thy locked onto your neck. Leaning down, Florian sealed his lips on your neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

“Babe, that’s gonna bruise!” You complained, hitting him on the shoulder.

Florian tilted your neck, inspecting his handiwork with pride. “I think it goes well with the dress. It adds to its appeal.”

“Bullshit. You just want everyone to know that I belong to you,” you called him out.

Chuckling to himself, he confirmed your suspicion. The asshole was fucking up your whole aesthetic. Before you could chew him out some more, his agent called, making Flo shift his attention away from you.

That wasn’t going to work for you. It had been too long that you weren’t the center of Florian’s attention. Playing it off, you searched your sex playlist for the perfect song to set the mood. Finding Partition, you hit played and fast-forwarded the Yonce portion.

Undoing his belt buckle, Florian raised an eyebrow at you, and you raised one back before you went back on your mission. To make it a little easier for you, Florian shifted forward allowing you to reach for his erection.

Driver, roll up the partition, please Driver, roll up the partition, please I don't need you seeing Yoncé on her knees

Leaning down, you took Florian’s hardened length in your mouth and worked your magic. It seemed like forever since, you had him in your mouth, and it was glorious. You were able to inhale his natural musk, which you never could get enough of.

Relaxing your throat, you allowed his long pipe all the way down. His breath hitched, and he held back a moan, trying to focus on the conversation with his agent.

His hand went to your head to control the pace, but you slapped his hand away, because once Flo was in charge, he’ll have your hair and makeup messed up.

Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gonna make it to this club Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudge

Forgetting he was on the phone, Florian growled at your boldness. “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired that’s all,” he recovered.

You laughed at him almost getting caught and he was pissed. He was supposed to be in control tonight, not you. To gain back that control, he gripped the side of your cheeks hard and mouthed ‘Suck.”

Florian should be careful what he wishes for. Taking him back in your mouth, you began making the nastiest of sounds. Slurping and gagging on his dick, your mouth made Florian put his phone on mute and on speaker, so he could somewhat pay attention to what his agent said. “You dirty little girl, making those nasty sounds while I’m on the phone. Wait til we get home, I’m tearing that ass up.”

You had no response, but you hummed around his dick, focusing on making him come. Florian’s tongue poked out as he clenched his fists trying his best not to grab your hair. “Slow down, pritensa. I don’t wanna come yet.”

Oh, he so horny, yeah, he want to fuck He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown

Disregarding his warning, you kept sucking off Florian until he roared and spurted all in your mouth.

“Helloooo??? Florian, are you there?” Florian’s agent’s voice permeated the car causing Flo to remember he was on the phone.

Tucking his dick back in his pants, you patted his crotch. “You should get that. It sounds very important.” You told Flo as if you just didn’t suck his soul out.

Florian cut his eyes at you and you knew what happened in the locker room would be nothing compared to what will happen when you get home. You had to keep your cool and let Florian know he had no effect on you, so you just smirked at him.

Upset that he couldn’t do anything yet, Flo returned his focus back to his conversation. The phone call lasted all the way to the club and Flo didn’t feel like celebrating. All he wanted to do was hem your ass up and brand your pussy with his name.

Before you two got out the car, Florian tightly cupped your sex. “I suggest you start behaving because that little stunt you pulled is gonna cost you.”

Rightfully you were scared but you were also turned on. You loved living on the edge, so you decided to tease Flo some more. Leaning closer into him, your hand mimicked his and you gripped his crotch and whispered into his ear. “How much is it gonna cost me Big Nasty?”

Fuck this club appearance. Florian was about to show you Big Nasty, but the driver knocked on the window, indicating he was about to open the door. Flo pointed a finger at you, “Oh, baby you just got lucky, but keep fucking with me tonight and you’ll find out the real reason I’m called Big Nasty.”

Opening your door for a quick getaway, you replied, “The real question is if you can handle me, Big Nasty.” Before he could snatch your ass, you were out the door, running to the curb to wait for him.

He was already out when you got there. Something was wrong with you in the head, because instead of being fearful of Flo’s pissed off face, you were turned on and planned on to tease him some more. Standing on your toes, you kissed his cheek and asked, “You ready, baby?”

“Yeah, but you better behave, Y/N.” Florian warned.

Taking his hand in yours, you led him into the club. “I make no promises.”

Once you two entered the club, everyone erupted into cheers. Cameras were flashing to capture a photo of Florian. Letting him have his moment and get his recognition, you stepped off to the side. This was everything Florian deserved, especially since people doubted that he could really box after Creed II.

Sensing that you weren’t near him, Florian reached out for you. He pulled you into him and kissed your cheek. “You think I’m not gonna show you off? Baby, even if that damn teasing was torturous it got the job done. I love you, angel.” He whispered into your ear, not caring people were only getting pictures of his profile.

Turning into him, you said, “I love you, too,” kissing him on the lips, allowing people to capture the intimate moment.

Breaking the kiss, you both posed for a few more pictures before Flo led y’all up to the VIP section. You let go of Flo’s hand, so he could properly greet his friends and so that you could get your drinks ready.

Careful not to drop your drinks, you maneuvered around yours and Flo’s friends to get to the couch he was sitting at smoking hookah. “Here you go,” you handed him his drink.

Florian thanked you, and you turned to head towards your friends, but Flo grabbed your now free hand to stop you. “Stai, îngerul meu,” (sit, my angel,) he ordered, patting his lap.

Instead of sitting on him, you continued standing. “Babe, I’m gonna go talk to the girls. You talk to the fellas. It’ll probably be awhile before we see them again,” you hinted towards him and yours sexual lockdown he undoubtedly had planned.

A wicked smile appeared on Florian’s face and he raised his glass to you. “Good idea, go have fun.”

Prancing over to your friends, you hugged each one of them like you just hadn’t seen them at the match.

“Miss Thing, I thought Florian wouldn’t be letting you out in public no time soon by the way he was clearing the hallway earlier.” Arielle commented.

“Nah, we gotta be here for two hours because of his damn agent.” You rolled your eyes at the requirement. If it wasn’t for this damn appearance you could be home, probably crying from how good the dick is.

“So, Flo give yo ass some act right before y’all came?” Tina, another friend asked.

“Hell yeah he did! Our good sis, was talking to her kitty kat right before he got in the room.” Arielle interjected.

You gently shoved her, “Oh shut up, heifer! I was just giving her a pep talk and I act right for no one.” The girls all traded looks saying, ‘This bitch lying.’

Stephanie was the one to give you a dose of reality. “Y/N/N, honey, the way you’ve been acting these past couple of months means if Florian hasn’t given you any act right before, he surely is gonna give it to you now.”

The girls were right. Florian has given you some act right before and you straighten the fuck up, but its been so long since you really had some that you almost forgotten what it was like. And guess what you were about to cut the fuck up again.

Just in time Doja Cat’s Rules began playing and you and your girls started dancing. Making eye contact with Florian, you mouthed the lyrics to him.

Said play with my pussy, but don't play with my emotions (Emotions)

If you spend some money then maybe I just might fuck ya (Fuck ya)

When I shake that ass, I'ma do that shit in slow motion (Motion)

You got a whole lotta cash, and nigga, you know I want it (Want it)

 Flo was smoking some hookah and the way he blew it out harshly, you knew you were poking the bear, but you couldn’t help yourself. Feeling your phone buzz, in your clutch you pulled it out.

MSG Baby: Y/N, quit fucking playing with me. Last warning.

MSG Y/N: Or what?

Smiling, you typed out your response, put your phone back in your clutch and continued dancing.

You were leaning on the railing to give you some support as you whined your hips when you felt your boyfriend’s hulking presence. He flipped you to face him. “You really keep trying me, huh?”

(And now you playin' with my emotions) Nigga, don't do it, you blew it You tryna cast spells on a bitch with potions Nigga, I need devotion

Instead of answering him you continued rapping the lyrics to him, pointing your fingers in his face.

If you don't dive in that pussy like dolphins If he don't dive in that pussy like oceans Twins look identically like Olsens Nigga, don't hide from the pussy, be open Nigga wan' spy on the pussy like Austin (Do I make you horny, baby?)

“This bitch don’t know when to quit. Let’s start planning her funeral y’all.” Arielle announced to the group, laughing at your antics. Flo heard your friends and he had to keep himself from laughing as well. He wanted to keep his face straight to convey to you he wasn’t playing any games with you.

Catching him slightly smirk at your friends, you started singing the song with more emphasis while twisting his gold chain around your finger.

That's my ego that you stroking Nigga, don't laugh 'cause the pussy ain't joking Nigga, go splash when the pussy be soakin' (Yeah) Where that nigga who don't play mind games at? You got a fake gold chain on, change that Tryna spit game while I'm on my way out, late ass Where that nigga, man? Where he at? Where he at?

Turning back around you began to grind on Flo until the end of the song. His hands gripped your hips tightly and you knew he was barely restraining himself. Looking back up at him through your eyelashes, you devilishly smirked at him.

The grip on your hips became impossibly tighter, giving you another warning. Not taking heed, you began twerking harder when you heard Act Up blast through the speakers.

Real ass bitch, give a fuck 'bout a nigga Big Birkin bag, hold five, six figures Stripes on my ass so he call this pussy Tigger Fuckin' on a scammin' ass, rich ass nigga Same group of bitches, ain't no adding to the picture Drop a couple racks, watch this ass get bigger Drinkin' on liquor, and I'm lookin' at your nigga

That was the end of the rope. Florian wrapped his arm around your chest and straighten you up. “Fuck this two-hour requirement,” he whispered harshly in your ear. He snatched your cup out of your hand and finished your drink for you. So badly you wanted to suck the liquor from his lips, but with how pissed he was, you weren’t even gonna try.

“Behave for once and be still while I say goodbye.” Flo’s tone told you that he was officially done, so you listened. Your friends came by to hug you as Florian left to do what he said. They all offer their condolences to you and your pussy and told you to text them if you somehow miraculously survive.

“Ladies, y’all have a good night.” Florian said to your friends, leading you out the club.

Inside of the car there was dead silence. Florian wouldn’t let you play any music, wouldn’t say one word to you, he wouldn’t even look at you. You guessed tonight would be the night you get some act right.

Tagging: @honeychicana @crushed-pink-petals @titty-teetee @thickemadame @lovelymari4 @pananegra @cocooned-butterfly @twistedcharismaaa @chaneajoyyy @thottyantics @munteanhore @songficsbyrissi @autumnsoidier @dumbchick @lotusss-flowerbomb @blackgirlreadsfanfic @taterfics @momobaby227 @aquarius-smr-writing​

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

[hutchhitched]

Social Commentary in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

I haven’t written a lot of meta about The Hunger Games trilogy. When I first read them, I devoured the entire set in three days before I was part of tumblr or writing fanfiction. My own metas were in my head and part of things I taught my classes and discussed with my friends, but not something I generally put on my blog. I don’t know why. (I do have a meta about Peeta’s hijacking that I’ve been meaning to write for a while. Maybe once I’ve finished this book. Hint: It has to do with George Orwell’s 1984, which I used in my classes last year and was performed at a theater in Houston right as the pandemic hit.) I don’t know if reading this book when I’m a decade older and after a really rough few years of my own has anything to do with it or just that I’ve been exposed to so much by being in this fandom, but I’ve got a lot of thoughts about The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I’ve only read Part 1 so far, but here are some observations. (It’s long, but at least read the last one—even if you have to skip to get there.)

 Spoilers below:

Reaping day is July 4. We already knew it was during the summer, so that’s not a huge stretch. What intrigues me is the symbolism of July 4 for Americans since it’s Independence Day. For those of you who aren’t American or aren’t sure why that struck me, here you go. Independence Day represents the day the Declaration of Independence was signed (although, it was actually two days later, but whatever). The Declaration of Independence was issued 14 months AFTER the beginning of the American Revolution in April 1775 at the battles of Lexington and Concord and was not the cause of the Revolution as so many believe. Penned by Thomas Jefferson (at least colloquially), it famously discusses the celebrated (but sadly, not practiced) phrase that “all men are created equal.” That’s the phrase that’s trotted out and waved about, but the Declaration is mostly about tyranny and the role of government. In fact, the Declaration doesn’t start with “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” Instead, it begins with this: “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another…” In other words, the Declaration of Independence does indicate that all humans are created equal. It also discusses what the government is supposed to and not supposed to do. Having Reaping Day occur on July 4 is a brilliant jab that adds an entirely new level to what Independence Day means and how it’s celebrated—with lots of flag waving and fireworks and BBQ (and very little knowledge of what the document itself actually says).

 Which brings me to Sejanus Plinth. Bless him. He’s the voice of compassion and reason in part 1 as he speaks up about treating other humans with respect and dignity, about the humanity of those in the districts, as he feeds the hungry, as he challenges the inhumanity of the Games. In short, he’s the Peeta Mellark voice from the final council of the tributes in Mockingjay. I have no idea what’s going to happen to him in the rest of the book, but he’s the humanity I’m craving as I read. A note on his name: Sejanus was a close friend and ally of the Roman Emperor Tiberius. Sejanus worked to improve conditions in the Empire and served as a proxy to Tiberius when he was absent. He was strangled to death in 31 AD/CE. His last name is what makes me stop and want to hug Collins. Four years ago, I had no idea what a plinth was. I’d never heard the word, but I was the prop mistress for my church’s summer musical, and it was on the list of things I had to find. I googled it and found out it’s a base on which a statue (or something else) is displayed. In Mary Poppins, it was used as the base for a statue that came to life and talked to the characters in the park. In other words, it’s a place on which someone can take a stand and deliver a message—a platform, if you will, of the character’s compassion and humanity.

 I don’t remember if we got that Tigris was Snow’s cousin in the original trilogy or not. What I do remember is that she was a former stylist who Snow thought was no longer useful and had her removed from the Games. I haven’t figured out yet how I feel about her in this book, but her banishment and desire to see Snow destroyed are even more intriguing to me as a result of her inclusion as his relative. I would not have pictured her as a Snow before reading the new book. I’m still waiting to be convinced. “Snow comes out on top” is awesome. I wish I could write half as well as Collins.

 There’s so much Holocaust imagery in this book, it’s terrifying. The cattle cars, the inhumane treatment of the tributes, using a veterinarian to treat the tributes instead of a doctor, the numbers, the cages, the rats, separation into districts and restrictions on travel, the hunger and starvation. Ugh. I’ve spent the past several years studying the Holocaust with some of the leading Holocaust and genocide scholars in the world both here in Houston and in Israel. I’ve traveled to Germany and Poland to see the death camps and headquarters of the Gestapo and Nazis and so on. The Games themselves are genocide, by definition, as an attempt to reduce the population of undesirables by targeting the children so they cannot reproduce. Hearing Survivor stories always reminds me of how Collins discusses Victors. There are no winners, only survivors. Survivors have never forgotten the Holocaust, nor should they. It’s what helped so many of them find compassion and humanity and forgiveness (and equally what causes such despair and depression in so many, as well). During my time Yad Vahsem in Jerusalem last summer, one thing was repeated over and over and over. The real triumph for Survivors aren’t the children; they are the grandchildren and then the great-grandchildren. In Panem, there can’t be too many grandchildren if the children are killed before they reach child-bearing age. (There’s also something in there about Snow being raised by his grandmother, but I’m gonna let that one rest for now.)

 In one of the seminars from last summer at Yad Vashem, a scholar of Holocaust music taught us about the role of bands and singing in the camps (all levels, from death camps down to prison camps). First, there are some achingly gorgeous songs (the lyrics of one which were preserved on a child’s shoe in the death camp of Majdanek). Second, she asked us what we thought were the purposes of songs and music in the camps, and we all gave the standard answers—an attempt to distract themselves, holding onto humanity, finding beauty in the midst of horror, and hope. As a faithful fan of The Hunger Games and the saying “Hope is the only thing stronger than fear,” I was just as astounded as others when she said, “There was no hope. People died in death camps. They were starved and covered in shit and piss and lice and filth. They wanted revenge.” I don’t think revenge is what music represents in this book or in the original trilogy, although I think that argument can be made with the use of the Hanging Tree song in rebellion in the movies, but I can’t get that woman’s statement out of my head when I read this book. Not everybody has hope. Katniss didn’t when she first volunteered. I think there’s something to that.

 Lucy Gray Baird is not Katniss. I haven’t exactly figured out who she is, yet, but she’s not Katniss in the first part of this book, which I think some people were hoping she was (as an analogy, obviously). Her flirtations with Snow are fascinating, and her outgoing and peculiar behavior at the reaping in District 12 was my first indication that the title was not as clear cut as Snow=Snake and District 12 female tribute=Songbird (alluding to Katniss). She puts a snake down the dress of the daughter of District 12’s mayor. She also sings. Is she both? Is she the songbird only? If so, then why the snake? And Snow doesn’t appear to be the snake either. My bet’s on Dr. Gaul. She’s a piece of work. Or maybe it’s Clemmie. Interested to see where that goes, too.

 Lucy Gray’s insistence that she’s not from District 12 is fascinating. She insists she’s Covey, which by definition is a group of birds. The Covey are a group of traveling performers, who were stopped in District 12 and not allowed to leave. Trapped birds—interesting. Also, besides the Jews, the Roma/Sinti were targeted during the Holocaust. This group was commonly and derogatorily referred to as “gypsies,” people who moved about frequently and were suspected of crime, stealing, and a myriad of other issues. The Roma and Sinti immigrated into Central and Eastern Europe from India. If Katniss and others in District 12 are descended from Lucy Gray, then that covers the non-white argument about her ethnic makeup. I have no idea if that was Collins’ intention, but it makes a lot of sense in my brain.

 As for Snow, he’s not a villain in this book. At least he’s not yet. So far, he’s the hero (or maybe anti-hero is better), but he’s definitely not the villain. Since we’ve read The Hunger Games, we know he’s the ultimate villain later, but he’s not so far in this book. He’s got ambition and cunning, but neither of those are ultimately villainous. He mourns his mother. He loves his cousin and grandmother. He’s proud of his father’s military service. He’s sad about his friends who die. He’s interested in, if not attracted to, Lucy Gray. We know what he becomes, so it’s hard to read about him as a person with hopes and dreams and struggles. Why? Because it humanizes him, and when he’s humanized, it’s harder for us to say, “He’s evil, and that’s why he did those things.” This is much the same way people blame the Holocaust and World War II on Hitler. “Well, he’s evil, so of course he did that.” Or how we dehumanize gunmen in massacres—“Well, he was clearly a sick individual, so he shot up the place.” Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying these crimes are excusable (in real life or in Collins’ works). What I am saying is that knowing Snow was a child shaped by war, hunger, poverty, and loss makes it harder for us to distance ourselves from this “evil” person. His characterization is uncomfortable because it makes us face that we could also do terrible things in specific contexts. Evil people are rarely born. They are almost always made, which means any of us could be a villain. That is what’s really terrifying.

 A couple of other notes before this gets way too long for anyone to read.

 The role of the government: Sejanus argues it’s the government’s job to take care of its citizens. This is an argument that’s raged in the US (and other countries) for a long time. The question is how do governments take care of the citizens? By feeding them and giving them health care and making sure everyone has enough? Be protecting them with a huge army? By allowing broad civil liberties (e.g., choosing whether to wear face masks during a pandemic)? By instituting restrictive liberties (e.g., gun control, wire taps, screenings at airports)? It’s a really interesting point Sejanus makes early in the book. Not surprising not everyone agrees.

 Mention of the three other book titles (almost): The Hunger Games are mentioned several times. There’s a reference to something that “really catches fire.” And then there are the jabberjays. There are no mockingjays yet. Probably because there is no mockingjay yet. Seriously, Collins is brilliant.

 The role of war: War is not good for those who live through it. Snow is traumatized by the war, as are the rest of the Capitol’s citizens. It makes most have little empathy for those in the districts who rebelled against them. War has destroyed the city. It’s weakened the economy. It’s destroyed the Snow’s fortune. And then it also leads to the Hunger Games. This book is anti-war just as much as the original trilogy is. It is not anti-soldier, but it is anti-war.

 The role of children: Suzanne Collins lives in Connecticut, right? Yes, she does. You know where? Sandy Hook. More specifically, Newtown. Where children were shot to death in their classrooms by a gunman a few years ago. A ton of gun control people thought the slaughter of children would be enough for gun control to be implemented in the wake of that mass murder. It did not. Since then, there’s been a meme that’s circulated (taken from a tweet) that says, “In retrospect Sandy Hook marked the end of the US gun control debate. Once America decided killing children was bearable, it was over.” On page 60 of the book (right at the end of chapter 4), Snow insists the Hunger Games are to show how much people care about children when Dean Highbottom asks what the purpose of the Games is. And then there’s a paragraph in which Snow wonders if people really do care about children. He concludes that children don’t seem to be quite as important as we claim they are. I don’t think that’s a coincidental commentary on Collins’ part.

 So, that became a lot longer than I planned, but wow. This book is fascinating, and Collins is a genius. I’m so ready for more. Part 2, here I come.

Hey, @everlarkedalways, does this count?

[aspiestvmusings]

ZEP PARALLELS: S2 vs S1

POSSIBLE SPOILERS?

WARNING: Super long post. 

Parallels & Similarities (and differences) between S1 & S2

Includes episodes 2x01, 2x02, 2x03: 

2x01 Zoeys Extraordinary Return

Wake-up songs/Zoey & Mo: Opening the season with Zoey being woken up by Mo singing "in real life" & waking her up. "Rise up" in 2x01 AND "Angel of the Morning/Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" in 1x01. We first see Zoey in her bedroom. And the first two characters we meet are Zoey & Mo.

Zoey + baby: In both premieres Zoey has an encounter with a baby. In 2x01 we see her interact with her brother's son (the new baby, Miles) VS in 1x01 she encounters  new mom with a baby on the cable car during the first ever big musical number she experiences (Help!) #whenwillshestarttohearthebabysheartsongs 

Clarkeman & Coffee: The first Zoey/Max scene/interactions happens over "coffee break before work". In 2x01 we see them meting up for a coffee on a park bench before she heads over to work VS in 1x01 we see them getting coffee at the cofee bar on their way to work. In both scenes Max, her best friend, encourages/supports her (you will get the promotion VS it's a shield...to shield you from the world when you need it").

Jumping to conclusions: In 2x01 Zoey assumes that Max giving her the small jewelry box means he's proposing ("Relax, I'm not proposing") VS In 1x02 Zoey assumes that Max is asking her on a romantic dinner date, when he tells her he won the lottery to the restaurant they both love. ("Thursday night. Is it a date?" / "Is it a date?" "No! I just mean like can you go?")

Legs up!: Peoples legs getting close to Zoey's face during big musicals numbers: Leif's & Simon's during "Hello Dolly" in 2x01 at the 4th floor bullpen VS Joan's during "Satisfaction" in the elevator in 1x03. 

Promotion: In 1x01 Zoey wants the promotion & has an "interview" with Joan to get it VS in 2x01 she does not want the new job (added responsibility, when she jsut wants to "lay low") but Joan just asks her to take it. And by the end of the episode she gets the promotion/accepts the promotion, and we see her "first day at work on the new job". And in both episodes she has a competitor - Leif, who is also interested in a promotion. 

Interesting: In 2x01 Mo tells Zoey "So the powers are back - you're interesting again!" VS 1x01 when she tells him about her new superpower Mo tells Zoey: "This is the 1st thing I find remotely interesting about you". 

Mo is the honest friend: In 2x01 Mo speaks the honest truth... which is what Zoey actually needs to hear JUST LIKE he has been doing throughout S1. He might not always say the nicest things, but he's alwyas honest. And its what Zoey's character needs. (eg. Mo knows that she just lost her dad & it's a hard time for her, but her problems are still not bigger than everyone elses. Or like he calls her out on her chase/hesitation over the two teams in S1)

Tech-savvy Zoey to the rescue: In 2x01 Zoey uses her tech skills to "hack into Mitch's e-mail account" when her mom can't find the password & access it for info she needs (that dad left them) VS in1x03 Zoey comes up with a way to communicate with Mitch... (after David comes up with the Yes/No buzzer) & creates a computer program which allows him to type his answers using a mouse. 

Etsy: In 2x01 Joan tells Zoey "I like your sweater, its cute that you shop at Etsy" VS in 1x01 Tobin tells Zoey: "I thought you would be doing each others nails & buying matching tote-bags off Etsy in there."

Blessing or curse? In 1x12 Zoey told her dad that she has chosen to look at her musical power more like a "gift/blessing" (it allowed her to communicate with dad, helped her form bonds with others, help people...) and she said she's not minding the big musical numbers the way she used to. She even considers they're helpin g her instead. VS in 2x01 she tells Mo that she hopes the power won't return & when it does, she finds it "overwhelming" & cannot deal with any of it. 

Bottling it up: In 2x01 George sings "Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. And learn how to hide your feelings."  That song is as much about George's feelings about being the new guy, as it is another reference to Zoey's state of mind VS in 1x01 we learn that both Zoey & Simon keep their grief emotions bottled up (and they should not). As the dilogue from the Pilot already told us: Zoey: "Are you talking to anyone about this?" Simon: "Other than you? No. I've become a real expert of bottling my shame & pain, and hiding it from the world." Zoey: "I'm not an expert on this or anything, but you cant just keep it in."

Family & Grief: The Clarke family all singing "Carry on" & sitting down the table to eat dinner together at the end of 2x01... with a happy note about the future in their minds VS The Clarke family all singing "American Pie" on the funeral day at the end of 1x12, and all sitting at the living room (on the coach, chairs)...with a sad note about the present in their minds. 

The premiere episodes end with a "surprise" Max (and Zoey) "twist": ep 1x01 ends with a surprise heart song from Max which makes Zoey & the viewers aware of his feelings for her VS 2x01 ends with a surprise decision from Zoey where she "chooses Max". Also parallels to 1x12: in both 2x01 & 1x12 Zoey comes onto/kisses Max as he's telling her about his new outlook on life & business ideas. In both cases she's (partly) trying to forget grieving her dad, and needs him for the distraction. Both endings were "sudden" & "unexpected"

Family picture wall: In 2x01 Maggie is holding baby Miles (her grandson) & "showing him" the family photos on the wall VS in 1x01 Zoey sees her & dad's reflection on the picture on the wall...as Mitch first communictes with her... by singing his first heart song to her.  

Move forward: Zoey's words to Max about the business plans & their relationship actually apply as much to herself and her grief as they do for this situation: "You should absolutely move forward with it" & "You always have to move forward" 

2x02 Zoeys Extraordinary Distraction [+ (base)balls]

Hooking up: In 2x02 Zoey says to Max "we have been hooking up for the last 5 minutes" VS in 1x12 she tells her dad "I just hooked up with my best friend". In both cases Zoey makes the first move & kisses Max. In both hooking up scenes the popcorn is forgotten...

She/They both want to believe she's feeling the moment & is ready, but it is mostly just one coping mechanism... her way of distracting herself from the grief. Cause in no way has she shown signs of actually choosing him. [what dawned on the characters only 2 weeks later was obvious to viewers before they "got together" aka the moment she "chose him"] 

We saw her pick a team, but there have been no actual reasons or feelings expressed  by her why she chose him (the reasons she gave in "act five"  were about her needing him at the moment, not about why or how she really feels about him). The writing has still not included her POV & her sharing her feelings (cause she’s not ready for that...yet) They gave small glimpses during few scenes, but no real look into it. 

Get out!: Tobin being kicked out of the meeting by DMD/Zoey - "Get out, Tobin"/"Would you like to get out, Tobin?" AND Zoey getting kicked out from the makeover night by Mo - "Get out!" / "Girl, I don't care that you look like Rafiki. Get out!"

That came out wrong: Zoey told Simon in 2x02 about making his job not so easy "I am gonna ride you so...hard... Nope, that came out wrong"...She adds the last part as she hears herself say the words. VS Tobin was talking about being commited to work in 1x08 by saying "Hardworking, committed, serious. Watch how fast I nail this. Speaking of nailing... Nope, not gonna make the joke.." He adds the last part as he hears himself say the words

Food stealer: Zoey "I steal food from my best friends plate/bowl" Clarke. She ate from his plate during their dinner date at her place. And then she ate from his cereal bowl during the Clarke family breakfast "the morning after".

Older siblings: Jenna's is the less successful older sibling/sister (2x02) just like Leif is the less successful older sibling/brother (1x05). They both feel like "not enough" compared to their younger sibling(s), who they feel are more "perfect". 

Cardigan buddies: Leif & Zoey: cardigan buddies! Interestingly these two are the two 4th Floor Team members, who are most similar: both have a bike/like cycling (Leif often hs his bicyle helmet on his desk, so he rides a bike to work & Zoey has a bike in her apartment). Both love to wear cardigans, and the wardrobe department often has them in matching outfits/colours...Same this week. Both were/are the team members, who are in many ways "biggest messes" (most awkward), but both had/have the most ambition...they wanted and got the promotions. Both struggled in their new manager position..at first (and got help and good advice from their boss).

Team Leaders: Leif doing all the work alone (and exhausting himself...because he wants to be liked & hasn't yet settled into his new role as team leader... He has to learn to be their boss,  ot just their buddy...to get the team listen & for there to be teamwork) VS Zoey doing all the work alone (pre-S1 when she wanted the promotion +) during S1 when she had just become the boss: sending everyone home, cause they "didn't try hard enough", and fixing all the issues alone... VS Mo wanting to do it all alone in his early 20s (when he took over the project he had been working on with his best friend, cause "he's too good at goobyes") Both struggled with the new job, both got help/advice from their boss (Zoey from Joan & Leif from Zoey)

Sleeping at work:  Lief  being woken up by Zoey in 2x03 after he falls asleep when pulling an all-night at work (working  all night) VS Simon waking up Zoey in 1x02 after she falls asleep at work (behind her desk) after pulling an all-nighter alone. 

Leif's pants: In 2x02 Zoey tells Leif "Dust off your slim-fitting chinos" VS in S1 Joan makes a comment on Leif's pants. [I cannot remember the ep number right now] 

Go big or go home!: We found out Mitch's/Zoey’s dads motto in S1. It's "bigger moments, bigger memories" AND In 2x02 Zoey goes for the "bigger moment" - she tailors their first time together to suit Max's wishes (it should be special: the swan & rose petals are more for him than her) VS In 1x07 Max organizes a flash mob to confess his love for Zoey (something she as her dad's daughter secretly appreciates). She calls it unexpected & amazing & while she runs, its not cause she does not appreciate the "big gesture". The only reason she is overwhelmed & runs is because she is doing everything in her power to bottle up her feelings towards Max (1x06 ending proved she has feelings for him) & she did not want to deal with them at the moment. (the flashmob is more his style, but she is not opposed to it)

Come here: Max saying "Come here" to Zoey in the 2x02 dinner date scene at her place & during act five bedroom scene AND Max saying the same line "Come here" to Zoey in 1x12 during the "All of me/Pitbull" scene. 

Mix of songs: In 2x02 during the Z/M bedroom scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/neutral baseball song VS romantic mutual duet) VS in 1x12 during the Z/M movie night turned more scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/fast song) 

Dueting: In 2x02 Zoey joins Max for "A Moment Like This" during Act 5. She chooses to duet with him, becuase she feels the same way as he does. VS in 1x08 Max joins Zoey for "Pressure" at the CHIRP meeting... salvaging the presentation, when she involuntarely sings the songs (cause of the "glitch"). 

Opera songs + Sex: In 2x02 Zoey & Max are distracted by Mo singing opera & it's ruining the specialness of them trying to "do the nasty" VS in 1x04 Max sings opera the morning after he & Autumn "make their first love"

It’s a very not next-level move: In 2x02 during the morning after Max & Zoey are "caught" by her mom/family, and though it is awkward for a moment (because they seem to be surprised by the sudden change), meeting the family/parents does not seem such a next-level move, because Max has been kind-of part of the family for a while already. VS 1x05 where Max tells Zoey that meeting Autum's parents (he was dating her at the time) seems like such a next-level move, and she was not ready for any of it. VS all the times we saw Max interact with Zoeys family... in 1x02 with Mitch, in 1x06 helping the family with Mitch, in 1x12 with Maggie...

2x03 Zoeys Extraordinary Dreams [+ eggs]

NASA/Space theme: Zoey's NASA/space themed PJs and Tees + all the space references in both her childhood bedroom and her current apartment (telescope, posters, etc) 

Musical nightmares/Dreams: In 2x03 Zoey is having a recurring nightmare where in the end she faces herself while the song "Nowhere to Run" plays #allbymyself VS in 1x02 Zoey was having a much happier weird dream...with a twist ending while the song "I've Got the Music in Me" plays

A sad Emma Stone Halloween costume: Black PJs Zoey wears in the nightmare in 2x03 are the same ones she wears in 2x01 on the last day of her time off. The look Mo calls "a sad Emma Stone Halloween costume" (as he suggests she put on some colours instead)

Coach & Photo on the wall: Basically the only items in the empty Clarke house during Zoeys nightmare are the coach (where Mitch used to sit all the time & where Zoey/the family sat in S1 finale...the day the music died) & the picture on the wall (where she saw Mitch reflection the first time he sang to her/communicated with her). Her nightmare/dance are directed at those objects. 

Breaking glass: In 2x03 George breaks the glass wall/window of Zoey's/The bosses office when the team plays baseball at the office VS in 1x02 Zoey breaks the glass award/throphy in Simons office when she throws the american football ball. George & Zoey aka "I'm terrible around glass" people 

On repeat: Zoey being hunted by the same nightmare/dream throughout the episode in 2x03... until she stopped trying to avoid them and talked about them/did something about it VS Zoey being haunted by the same song "(I Can't get no) Satisfaction" thoughtout episode 1x03... until she  stopped avoiding it and helped Joan. 

I can't get no sleep: Zoey not sleeping because of the nigtmares she's having VS David/Emily not getting any sleep because of the baby (most new parents are sleep-deprived, because babies don't always have the same sleep-schedule as adults do) 

Mitch's/Zoey's spot on the coach: Zoey sitting on the coach with a blank look on her face at the end of "Nowhere to Run" nightmare VS Zoey sitting on the coach with a sad look on her face at the end of "American Pie" in 1x12 [in the nightmare shes sitting at MItch's spot, in s1 finale she's looking at the empty spot next to her] 

Red dress: The red dress the OTHER Zoey is wearing in her nightmare as she opens her door VS The (same) red dress Zoey is wearing as she & her dad dance as instrumental version of "True Colours" is playing in 1x12 (as he's dying). Same dress. 

Too much on her plate: Zoey taking on too many responsibilities and not being able to handle it. In S2 she is living the post-loss stage of grief + she's taken the new promotion and added jobs and responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her issues + she has started a new relationship (she is not ready for, actually) + she keeps hearing heart songs which kinda help her with knowing what others feel, but it's also distracting and overwhelming to her "reducing stress is a little tricky since I've taken over the 4th floor & have 10-times the respnsibility now"]  VS in S1 she is dealing with losing her father soon + she's taken the new promotion and added job responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her own issues ("face her father") + she is helping people whose heart songs she hears. In S2 it kinda culminates in ep 3, in S1 it kinda culminated  in ep 8. when she says "How do I do that? Because helping myself would mean taking a vacation from Sprk Point, or curing my father's disease."

Manager advice: In 2x03 Zoey asks Simon advice about how to manage all the extra work & he tells her about delegating work (sharing responsibiities) VS in 1x02  Zoey asks/gets help from Simon on how to manage the team (and still get to go home on time/get all the work done on time) 

Not the right person to help: In 2x03 Zoey wants to hep her mom, but she feels like she's not the right person to do that, because she has no insight into the topic (does not know anything about landscaping & art) + she would probbly not have the time or energy right now, cause she has so much other things going on... VS in 1x11 she wants to help her mom, but feels since she has no personal experience (has not lost a husband of 4-years), she is not the right person to help her. Both times a heart-song heps her find the right person (in her opinion) for the job. In 2x03 it's Jenna, in 1x11 it was Deb. 

No communication: In S2 & 2x03 Zoey is not really opening up to Max, but she is communicating her feelings to him...somewhat. Telling him about her nightmares/dreams, and that they're affecting her. Though not really going too much into the experience (because she hopes they will magically disappear if she wishes they will...) VS In S1 Zoey avoided opening up to Max & sharing her feelings with him more. Though she still uses the same tactics - trying to keep it all inside, and avoid dealing with her feelings and grief and everything related to it (hoping that if she avoids it then it doesn't exist...even if she probably knows that this is not how any of it works). She's trying to share a bit more with him, her best friend, but at the same time she is still bottling it all up inside...

My heart song does not mean what you think it means: In 2x03 Max says to Zoey after she hears a heart song from him (which he assumes might be that he is "jealous" that she talks to Simon, her grief-buddy at work about her personal life & nightmares) that "People can have a lot of thoughts in their heads without meaning them. / You can't read into it." VS Zoey's quote: "I don't know what that song is saying exactly what we think its saying" & "You can't be mad at me for singing a song I didn't mean to sing" in 1x08. 

Dinner Date gone wrong: In 2x03 Max tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at her mom's place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" between the two and he leaves VS in 1x10 Simon tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at his new place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" and her leaving. 

PS. Based on Zoey's reaction the song is either "Say Something" (because a person sings theei song until Zoey responds/helps..and she only did at the end of the episode) OR it's a reprise of a certain song fro S1 (but if I'm right not a song you'd expect) OR ... it's a completely different song... that we would not expect. And based on Zoeys reaction & the shows choice not to show/tell us the song... it has to be a "surprise", and if it would be simply "he's feeling jealous over Z/S grief connection" or if it was "Say Something"...that would  not be a twist, but since I expect this to be setting up a future story, it'd be not very creative writing if it was one of these options. Which is why I have a theory... (I'm not sure about the song... I'm not even sure the showrunner/writer has decided yet... but I have a guess on the "theme/feelings")

Timing is off: In 2x03 Zoey & Max decide to put their new relationship on hold until she is ready...to give her time to grieve and work through the emotions VS in 1x10 Zoey & Simon decide to put breaks on their relationshop-to-be until he is ready... to give him time to work through his emotions.

Say Something/Happier: In S2/2x03 Zoey & Max are in a relationhip, but they do  not communicate well. Because she does not open up to him about her grief & "he does  not know how to help cause he has not had the same experience" VS in S1/1x05-1x09 Simon & Jessica are in a relationship, but they do not communicate well. Because he does not open up to her about his grief & she does not know how to help cause she has not had the same experience. 

While there are similarieties in the storylines, there are also differences. S/J let the third party in the relationship, grief, get between them and it drove them apart, cause they stayed together until it broke them apart. Z/M came to a mature decision to not let the third party in the relationship defy them, they took a break so the grief would not end up breaking them apart. 

PS. While we've ony seen the start of this storyline, I do believe that this is where it's going. They're not gonna repeat S/Js mistake, but instead they will "learn from it", and by deciding to take some time now they will be ready to continue where they left off once she's ready. Cause they both made the false assumption in 2x01 that she was ready. They were heading toward S/J, but theyre kinda trying to avoid that by the decisoon in 2x03.

Grief therapist: In S2 Simon is Zoey's grief councelor/therapist... he gives solid advice to her about her grief and how to deal with her feelings/emotions VS In S1 Zoey was Simon's grief councelor/therapist...she gave him often pretty solid advice about grief and how to deal with the situations. The roles have reversed.

   Mind-reader: In 2x03 Max brings up the topic that he is unconfortable how Zoey can just "read his mind" and know everything he thinks & feels (have insight into how he feels...also about her), while he has no idea what she thinks/how she feels...because she won't really share. VS 2x02 When in Act 5 he says he'd like to know what she's thinking/feeling & she tells him what she's feeling VS 1x07 when Max bring up the fact that he is uncomfortable with her knowing how he thinks while he has no insight into her mind (after which she promises 100% honesty to him.... that she'll be open with him... which to this day she has not been able to really do) VS 1x04 when Mo expresses concern that she can read other people thoughts & he's not okay with her having insight into his private thoughts & feelings. 

Time apart: In 2x03 Zoey puts some space between herself & Max, when they agree to take a break, cause she's not done grieving/not ready for a relationship VS In 1x02 Zoey puts space between her & Max when she sets him up with their barista in the previous episode (because she is not ready to let herself even consider  romantic path between them, so she "fixes it")

THE END...for now

[asgardianthot]

New Firsts (Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes)

Summary: There’s many things Bucky hasn’t done since the last century, and many others he hasn’t done in the new one.

Words: 3988

Warnings: smut (PowerBottom!Sam)

The vegan place was only half-crowded, allowing the heroes to enjoy a peaceful meal with only one request for a picture. Sam and Bucky had been on a long spree of trying things Bucky hadn’t had the opportunity of doing since he woke up from the Winter Soldier, and it was going too well for Sam’s taste.

You’re only trying things you know you’ll like, he insisted before Bucky finally agreed to blindly follow Sam to a place he didn’t necessarily want to visit.

Only through that method did Sam accomplished his need of getting Bucky to try vegan meat, because Sam Wilson was a health freak, as Bucky put it, and he was a sucker for vegan places altogether. So he dragged the supersoldier downtown, no matter if Bucky didn’t get the point of eating meat that's not meat if you can eat meat. He even teased Sam for being a fake vegetarian, but when the order of a falafel mix patty with a side of fries landed in front of him, he stopped complaining. It did look like a fine burger, which was a point in Sam’s favor regarding his enthusiasm for spreading the word: plant-based food is just as good, Bucky, and it’s healthier.

A few silent bites from both of them, and Bucky had already decided he liked the blessed fake hamburger, but he was more focused on the spectacle that was contemplating Sam eat.

He was sloppy, and concentrated, and when he got ketchup all over his chin, Bucky couldn’t help but stare with cherishing eyes.

"Told you I loved these, stop judging." Sam said, his wording muffled by the food in his mouth.

A smile claimed Bucky’s features, "I'm not judging."

Sam took a bite, still pretending to ignore Bucky’s intense sight, "Ah-huh?" he swallowed in order to speak properly. "Then what is it?"

Sam’s reaction only made Bucky feel more aggressive butterflies in his stomach, because Sam had such a diverse spectrum of charm. He was charming in the morning, sleepy and forcing himself to be active because nobody dare say I’m not a morning person. He was charming in his fight gear, the goggles and everything, he was extra charming in a suit and tie, and he was charming when he wasn’t allowed to enjoy his meal in peace, all cranky and stuffing his face. The fact that Bucky was utterly and dangerously in love with him had never been so loud.

He raised his eyebrows like he couldn’t believe himself, "Fuck, I really love you."

The words had Sam choking on his burger. Bucky laughed to himself while Sam coughed, going back to his lunch with exceptional carefreeness. Meanwhile, Sam cleaned his mouth with a napkin and sat back on his chair as he finished chewing.

"You mean that?" he finally looked up at the man.

"Yeah, of course." Bucky replied like it was no big deal.

One of the many things roaming Sam’s cloudy mind was that this was the least romantic setup possible, and so of course Bucky would just spill the words right there. His internal reactions varied from ‘fuck this guy’ to ‘fuck, I love him too’. And although his insides churned with giddiness, he managed to focus back on eating with a huge grin on his face.

"So, better than real meat?" he returned to the original teasing.

Bucky acted as if he’d already forgotten about the former subject and followed along.

He narrowed his eyes in indecision, "I wouldn't go that far."

"Well, it's better for you."

The pair continued arguing over food and heath, and it was a discussion Sam was bound to win, but Bucky refused to give Sam so much credit because in his eyes, he was too perfect already, so he didn’t need another win.

-

"I'm not doing social media." Bucky snapped back at Sam.

As they sat on the couch, legs crossed and facing each other, Sam kept bothering him and asking for his phone with an obnoxious hand gesture.

“Just admit you don’t know how to use it.” He chuckled.

“Sam, I can hack a computer mainframe.” Barnes lowered his head with seriousness, “I think I can manage a phone.”

“You can plug in a pendrive the right way and let it to the hacking for you, that’s not the same thing.” Sam taunted about something that wasn’t entirely false, then asked for the phone until Bucky handed it to him with an exaggerated eye roll, “What do you use this for?”

Barnes shrugged, “I call you. That’s pretty much it.” He confessed before going back to his offended part, “See? I don’t need social media.”

“So you could be using a senior citizen phone.”

“That’s rude.”

“You’re old.”

With that being said, Sam broke the joking with a kiss he planted on Bucky’s lips. Bucky laughed into it a little, kind of breaking character, and gave into the way Sam slipped his tongue in. they only realized their bodies were drawing closer and their breaths were getting heavier when Sam’s hand travelled to Bucky’s thigh in a way it hadn’t before. The Falcon stopped himself abruptly.

"I need to ask something."

Bucky sat back, giving him the physical room to be open, "Shoot."

"Have you ever, uh...?"

"I'm not a virgin, Samuel." He interrupted with offense.

Wilson let the low laugh claim him as he faced down, "That's not what I'm asking."

"It sounds like you are." Bucky relied on that offended tone like he was being accused of something that was actually bad.

Sam looked up and pressed his lips together to ease his amused smile, but eventually, he had to force himself to look serious, "I mean with a man. Have you?"

"Oh." Barnes scratched the back of his neck, "I've- I uh, I've had my fair share of... experiences." He stared into Sam’s eyes, waiting for a response.

Sam frowned, "What does that mean?"

Bucky couldn’t deny anymore the fact that he was struggling with the subject. He didn’t want to seem inexperienced, but the truth is, he was. And if Sam needed him to be experienced then he would disappoint, and he wanted nothing more than treating Sam like he deserved to be treated, when the timing was right.

"That I've never... you know.” He looked away, “Not 'cause I don't wanna, I've never really thought about it? I dunno if I'd be into it. But I'm willing to try-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there.” Sam cut his rambling short, “I don't wanna fuck you like you think I want you to… I was sort of hoping you'd top me."

"Oh. Okay." The response settling him a lot more, Bucky shrugged nonetheless, "Well, I haven't done that either. I wouldn't... I mean, I don't know-"

"I can show you. So long as you really want to do it. We don't have to."

Bucky thought that that was probably how it’s supposed to feel. When you’re with someone you really love and they really love you back, it feels comfortable and it feels safe. With Sam, he was willing to try anything.

He licked his lips with concealed nervousness before replying truthfully, "I'd like that. Soon."

-

The next time the twist in their bellies caught them, they were cuddling to a Star Wars marathon. They’d run out of snacks hours ago, and were now just lying in each other’s embrace, in their pajamas. Although Bucky was really enjoying the saga, the sci-fi nerd that he was, they were both starting to believe a whole marathon hadn’t been the best idea.

"How many more of these?" Bucky asked, mildly complaining.

"Like...” Sam counted in his head, “Four."

"How do they keep making so many Star Wars? You'd think they'd run out of plots eventually."

"There're full decades between each trilogy." Sam defended the franchise.

"I wouldn't come up with these new storylines if you gave me half a century.” Bucky reckoned, and it was a matter of seconds before he realized something that would add some terribly dark humor to the sentence, “And I had half a century on ice to come up with 'em."

Unfortunately, the bad joke didn’t receive much praise. In fact, Sam remained silent, trying to think of a good response as he tensed up a little.

"Sorry.” Bucky looked down, a small grin of regret appearing, “No joking about it, I know."

"No, it's fine.” Sam intended to prevent Bucky from feeling bad about it; he had every right to process his trauma in any way that he wished, so in an attempt to ease some of that sour feeling he knew Bucky had in his stomach, he kissed the man’s knuckles with care, “It's your bruise to pick at. So long as it's funny to you."

Barnes felt safe enough to be honest with Sam at all costs. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel wrong from time to time.

That’s how he felt, an awkward smile drawn on his lips as he shook his head lightly, "It wasn't.” He let out a nervous chuckle, “Don’t know why I said that."

Sam gave him some mental space by refraining from any further comment. He proceeded to concentrate on the movie in order to drop the subject, but after a few seconds of bothering silence, he was pretty sure the sour feeling in Bucky’s gut wasn’t dissipating. When he turned to face him, he saw clear discomfort, which is why he turned off the TV. Bucky didn’t take his eyes off the now black screen.

"Hey." Wilson practically purred as he placed a finger under Bucky’s chin.

It was almost instant, Bucky’s distressed look turning into a much calmer one when his eyes met Sam’s.

"You breathe through it, 'member?"

Barnes nodded and took a breath, before grabbing a gentle hold of Sam’s face and kissing him on the cheek; a deep and grateful kiss.

"You're not feeling okay?" Wilson asked.

“No, I am. I'm good.” Barnes said truthfully, “Thank you."

They both returned to a cuddling position, Bucky holding Sam tight to his chest and running a thumb up and down Sam’s temple. The latter didn’t want to shut his eyes, no matter how much he was enjoying that simple yet perfect moment. He wanted to take everything in for a second. If he could stay like that for days without the need of food or drink, he would. Feeling far too content and cherished, Wilson wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist in a rush of adoration, then buried his face in Bucky’s chest to plant his lips against his clothed torso.

"I love you."

Shivers ran down Bucky’s spine, before a joyful smile escaped him as he shut his eyes to enjoy the way Sam dropped childish little kisses on his chest and pec. It wasn’t long until something took over his body, something powerful that had him accommodating into a position where he could kiss Sam.

He slipped his tongue in and let it twirl against Sam’s, seizing the opportunity to drag up Sam’s body with an embrace that helped him pin the man down to the bed. Sam hummed in content, receiving Bucky’s coddling and the way he seemed to have lost his thoughts in the kiss. Suddenly, Sam felt the expected lump in Bucky’s pants grow hard, yet he thought it was best not to mention it, in order to keep the whole situation pressure-free. That was until Bucky decided to drag up his legs and straddle Sam’s waist rather enthusiastically, for the way he started moaning into the kiss after the smallest friction informed Sam of his lover’s intentions.

Sam withdrew his face so he could break the kiss, earning a much focused and very lustful look from Bucky.

"You, uh...?" Sam mumbled the half-assed question.

As a response, Bucky kissed his neck and hummed in absolute approval. He knew he wasn’t coming off too dignified, but too desperate instead, but he didn’t mind. As long as he had Sam’s skin against his. His hands roamed Sam’s neck and shoulders and jaw and face, exploring every bit of exposed skin that could provide Sam with some amount of pleasure. When Bucky’s hips sunk down on Sam’s, the latter let out a censured moan.

It suddenly came to Bucky that he hadn’t verbally confirmed Sam’s willingness, and although he was pretty damn sure Sam wanted to do this more than he allowed himself to display –so he wouldn’t make Bucky feel bad if he decided to change his mind-, he thought to himself that he still had to ask. When he sat back on his calves and placed a tentative finger above the string of Sam’s sweatpants, he gave him the prettiest look Sam had ever seen.

“Do you... want to?” Bucky found himself pretty ignorant when it came to phrasing, which kicked some insecurity back into his pounding head.

Sam offered him a sweet smile, “Yes, of course. I’m just making sure you’re not getting carried away, ‘s all. I want you to be comfortable.”

Bucky planted another kiss onto Sam’s lips before going back into frantic mode.

“I am.” He panted into his mouth, reaching down to undo the knot holding Sam’s pants up.

He only sat back again when he had total freedom to lower the hems and free the painful erection that had grown inside Sam’s underwear. He could tell Sam was holding back, by the look of the trapped member, and when he lowered the boxers as well, nothing could stop Bucky from grabbing a desperate hold of Sam’s groin.

Sam sat straighter, propping himself up on his elbows and gestured for Bucky to come closer. As he kissed the latter tenderly, the man who hadn’t had sex in a while slid his hand up and down Sam’s shaft, using his pre-cum as some sort of lube. He’d definitely had a fair share of experiences, Wilson thought.

With the slow pace Bucky followed to stroke him, Sam found his breath picking up his own pace. He laid back and let the pleasure seep through him, but a few seconds later, he was caught up by the movement of Bucky shifting own lower on the bed. he lifted Sam’s shirt to gain access to his stomach, which he began kissing.

"Oh.” Sam was vocal about his surprise when realizing how fast Bucky was going, “Okay."

Barnes’ kisses drifted from Sam’s belly to his hipbones in the blink of an eye, and that’s when Sam noticed the lack of spontaneity and natural progression in his lover’s acts.

"Okay.” He made him stop, “Dude."

Bucky looked up, wondering.

"You trying to prove something?" Sam asked with no inhibitions whatsoever.

Bucky’s expression made it seem like he was shocked that Sam would even ask, "Yeah, that I'm not a virgin." He explained, as if it was obvious.

Wilson let out a laugh, not intending to be mean, but genuinely amused by the fact Bucky would think about that.

"I believe you. You can stop the demonstration."

The positive affirmation soothed Bucky’s concerns about not being smooth enough, and so he nodded with a grin right before launching back onto Sam’s lips.

"I, uh, I wanna do it." He confessed in a low tone.

Sam's tummy did a flip, "Alright then." He did his best to hide his excitement.

"I mean it.”

“I know.” Sam grabbed Bucky’s chin with softness and forced him to look directly into his eyes, "Double check?"

Barnes was unable to hide the big eye roll that took over him. Sam had to know by now how desperate he was to get laid. It had been almost a century –not really, but in sexual abstinence time, it felt like it had been the full seventy years- since he’d had sex and he violently needed it. but not with anyone, of course, with the man he loved. With Sam, who knew exactly how to make him feel safe, who knew when to mess with him and when to simply exist by his side, who Bucky adored like he never had before. He had never felt more at home than with him, so yes, having him there, his cock out and still wondering if Bucky wanted to go to town sounded ridiculous.

"Yeah, fucking triple check.” He let out as he held Sam’s face with both hands, “I want you."

That’s all Sam needed, really. Bucky continued to take the initiative because, well, sexual abstinence, and he helped Sam out of his pants before removing his own shirt swiftly, while Sam mimicked him. Their mouths collided angrily as Sam positioned himself to straddle Bucky, and the latter gripped his hips and pushed his weigh down on his own agonizing erection.

"Oh, god." He shut his eyes without processing the words coming out of him.

Sam let himself be manhandled and enjoyed it. He bit his lip as he propped himself up, both palms down on each side of Bucky's resting head. It was when he reached for the lube in the nightstand that Bucky’s confidence began straying away, realizing he didn’t really know what to do next. Luckily, he felt a heavy weight be lifted off his chest when he saw Sam taking the initiative now. The more experienced man stood up and removed his boxers, and Bucky wanted to admire his lover’s body as a whole, yet he was too worried about what he was supposed to be doing to gawk at it; instead, he took off his own underwear at the speed of light and sat on the bed while Sam got the bottle of lube open.

As Sam went back to his former position, Bucky stared up at him with absolute uncertainty, "What do I...?" he swallowed hard before he could even finish the sentence.

"I'll show you." Sam hushed him.

He proceeded with squirting lube on his palm as he distracted Bucky with a deep, long kiss, and although it blurred Bucky’s vision, he understood that Sam was prepping himself when a lubed finger guided his metal hand to Sam’s behind. Without any words, Sam showed Bucky how to push in, and when Barnes separated his bionic fingers and Sam’s hole gave in, the moan that came out of Sam's lips made Bucky think he wasn’t so lost after all. He was doing it right. So he worked his lover open, causing him to start panting and rest his mouth against Bucky's cheekbone, toning sweet little noises and hitting the inexperienced man with his hot breath.

"Fuck, Sammy, you feel so good." Bucky admitted, pleasantly surprised.

After a minute or two, Sam sit up and got the same hand lubed up again, this time to coat Bucky's dick. The feeling made him shiver, but he managed to sit straight for Sam to tease his own entrance with Bucky’s tip. Bucky felt the butterflies in his tummy, and that was when Sam began slowly sliding down Bucky's length, until he could fully sit down; Bucky held him tight, his arm wrapped entirely around Sam’s torso, and a groan escaped him from the amazing feeling of having him like that. Being inside him but also being able to embrace him completely was almost too much.

"God." He trembled slightly.

"God, Bucky." Sam mimicked him unintentionally, feeling whole.

Wilson rested his head on Bucky's shoulder while Bucky's rested back in the air, his hands keeping a tender grip on Sam's nape. They both submerged into the stillness, enjoying the intense moment until Bucky’s head was less dizzy and his head lulled closer to Sam’s. The latter’s eyes were still closed, and the slightest movement of their hips made him gasp.

"I love you." He moaned out.

He didn’t even give Bucky enough time to say it back, because he immediately started riding his dick up and down.

The lightheaded sensation returned to Bucky as he felt completely taken by Sam. He was claiming him, getting himself off on his cock, pushing him back on the bed with care until his head hit the pillow. And Bucky allowed Sam to take him, he just watched the man prop himself up by planting his palms on Bucky’s chest.

Sam was riding him like it was too easy, and it let him mesmerized and amazed, all the while the lower half of his body felt under both a rough pressure and a devious release.

“Is this- agh.” Sam groaned, unable to focus on his words when he moved his hips so intensly, “This good?”

“Yeah, Sammy, it’s good.” Bucky spoke in barely a breath, taking one of Sam’s hands and kissing it.

Then Sam took that hand of his and drew a finger across Bucky’s temple to his cheek, dragged them along his chin and mouth until Bucky’s lips gaped, which he didn’t know if it was because of Sam's fingertips or his incapacity to say anything, given how immersed in pleasure he was. When Sam withdrew his hand from his features, he knew the answer, because his mouth was still gaped open, and the smallest moan came out with special effort.

Still taking what he needed from Bucky, Sam intertwined his fingers with the bionic ones, pinning Bucky’s to the mattress right above his head. It helped Sam push himself forward and ride him faster, before placing a sloppy and breathy kiss on Bucky’s half open mouth. When the latter emitted something entirely incomprehensible, Sam drew back to let him talk.

"Fuck. Sam, I'm gonna-"

"Wait." The man acting as the ultimate power bottom cut him off.

He slowed down, sat straighter and stroked himself out, made himself cum with a few drawn moans.

That, was the icing in the cake. Bucky felt him tighten around his dick, he felt the hot liquid on his chest and he knew he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He lost it, chest heaving up as he came and his sounds choked back too deep into his throat to even go past his parted mouth. It wasn’t until he heard Sam breathe out in recovery that he let out a noise that sounded more like he was in pain than in pleasure. But it was pleasure, good god it was pleasure.

Both men rode down with heavy breathing, but Barnes was in a state of shock. The instant that Sam found his face, though, Bucky grinned. He had just shown Bucky a goddamn millennial treasure.

Sam kissed his collarbone, still breathless, "All good?"

Bucky ran a hand down his face while he regained his breath.

"Shit, yeah. Great."

"Better than your fair share of experiences?" Sam teased.

It drew a dumb smile on Bucky’s face, his eyes still closed as if he worried that if he opened them, it would all have been a dream. He hugged Sam tight to his chest until they were both lying down.

He shook his head with amusement, "I can't even remember those, suddenly."

Sam would eventually pat himself on the shoulder for teaching Bucky how to top him, for it seemed like it was now Bucky's favorite hobby. He'd hop in the shower and smother Sam with neck kisses until he became jelly under his touch. He'd stroke him, suck him off before dinner. Sometimes he'd start prepping Sam only to realize he just wanted to finger him to oblivion and get his cock to cum untouched. That turned out to be his favorite.

But sometimes he just wanted to do him from behind and smother him. He'd relish Sam's shoulders, his nape, his back, kiss every inch of skin he could reach while doing him slowly and never forgetting to let him know how loved he was. Sam felt like he'd cracked the Da Vinci code by showing Bucky the wonders of having sex with the man you love. And Sam, he worshipped his man right back.

[jacscorner]

Pokemon All-Stars: A Fan Region/Game/Alternate Universe Idea

I like watching and rewatching Original Pokemon Game/Region videos. Like Mr. Buddy's "What if X was a Pokemon Region" and stuff like that. I wanna make-or, I guess, write-my own. Since Regions are kind of a character all their own and I'm a Wannabe Character Artist, I wanted to try and make one my own.

I've got no skills in coding, pixel arts, or anything, so this will forever be just some kind of dumb fanfic that sometimes incorporates Game Mechanics to justify things if it were able, for some Godforsaken reason, 'stolen' for a game. Cause, in 2021, no idea feels too big or too dumb. And, uh, trust me, this'll be a dumb fanfic of an idea. So be aware for the subpar writing talents of some wannabe writer who doesn't know shit.

Small disclaimer though:

>This region is being made with the intention that every extra feature will be available in it. Z-Moves, Regional Variants, Gygantamax, Mega Evolutions, and maybe some things I've forgotten. This probably won't matter cause it's just a dumb fanfic plot bible with mechanics peppered in. Competitive balancing be damn! Pokemon Fans can create their own balance! That's what the Battle Simulator is for! In fact, if this was a real game, then it'd have a Battle Simulator like Showdown built into it.

>This is an open source Fanfic Bible. You can take this idea and run with it if you want. You can omit all my bad ideas even!

>I won't be making my own Fakemon. I don't like a lot of Fakemon that exists out there and, trust me when I say this: I am no better than them. In fact, I'm fucking worse.

>If this WERE a game, it probably WOULD still have to cut some Pokemon. I doubt that kinda, and I won't get into why I think dexit was dumb personally, cause it doesn't really matter. But, like, my fan game/fanfic will have a lot of shit going on in it. So, like, realistically, there would probably need to be a cut, if not for data, than just cause there's a lot of work to do as is. But, like, again, under the context of a fic, this wouldn't be an issue.

>With THAT said, I'd want this game to have a Gen 2 Sprite aesthetic. My fangame, don't care if ya'll don't like that.

>I'm probably gonna copy a LOT of stuff from other Fangames I've played. My shit memory probably won't allow me to remember what I'm biting from what, so be free to call me out whenever. Cause if I stole the mechanic, I probably liked it the game. And if not, well, I'd like the recommendation.

Fuck, this was long already. The rest is under the cut, so, like, if you're already turned off, you can stop reading. I understand. I'm kind of a windbag.

Okay, so how many of you guys have seen this picture on the internet? It's a picture of a ton of Pokemon regions all...basically stitched together, since not only could this never be canon, but this goes beyond the size of even most open world games today. But this was the inspiration for this project. The map probably wouldn't, and probably couldn't, look like this, but it perfectly sums up what I'd want out of this game. Thus, it'll be our placeholder.

Our hometown of Capricorn Town is home to Professor Chestnut, and you, her faithful assistant, are about to set off on a Pokemon adventure of your own! The Professor is encouraging you to see the region of Sidus for yourself and is even willing to give you a Starting Pokemon!

Starting Pokemon

Now, if I'm not making new Pokemon, which Starter will it be? Well, the game will have the data for all the starters and will randomly select a Grass, Fire, and Water Type for you to choose from. Those will be your starters, with the option of also choosing Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu, the two mascot mons...and Riolu, who is kind of a mascot mon, but a lesser one.

Let's say for this example, your options are Torchic, Piplup, Rowlet, Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu. And, uh, get used to the words 'random' and 'generator', those are our keywords.

Anyway, once you get your pick, there'll be some kind of tutorial mission the Professor will send you on. This will introduce you to two very important things;

1. One of your Rival.

2. An Evil Team Grunt.

Rivals?!

Now to start getting into why this game might still be pretty big still be big despite the sprites on modern consoles.

Each of your Rivals would be one kid from each region of the 8 Mainline Games from Kanto to Kalos. How this'll be decided is that each pair of kids will be plugging into a generator and will pick between either the boy or girl version.

Ex. Brendan and May both cannot be in the game. Instead, they'll be plugged into this generator. Let's say the generator fell onto May. She'll be one of your Rival. Repeat this process 7 more times until you have 8 Rivals sprinkled throughout the world, each one given a defined personality and better AI to make them harder trainers to fight.

May will have one of the Hoenn Starters, sans Torchic. Regardless of whether or not Protagonist-San picked Torchic, May will either have a Treecko or Mudkip, again, chosen at random per kid. Whichever Starter you picked, your first rival will have a starter that beats yours. So, let's say moving forward, May has a Mudkip and you a Torchic. The other kids will have random starters of the various regions they originally hail from.

Anyway, your rivals will wander the overworld. If they see you, they'll battle you on sight. If they lose, they'll be gone after the next time you turn the game off. They won't battle you again until they respawn, but you can hang out with them. In fact, you can even recruit them to be in your party for a few days and they'll follow you around and just generally be your friend. It'll make every battle a double battle, but they'll battle you again before their timer runs out, so be prepared!

BANG! BANG! ENTER! Team Wild!

The two of you will have to face off against Team Wild! They have a Cowboy theme to them, using a mix of Ground and Steel-Types, with a few Pokemon being added in for good measure like the Ponyta Lines, Cacnea Line, and Remoraid. Cause...it's a gun.

They're an outlaw gang, they're rough and tough (or, at least, a mild threat) and will always throw down when they spot ya. Something I'm just sniping from JelloApocalypse is that they'll appear sporadically and act as Timed Events across the map.

You and your new Rival beat them and send you packing. I'd imagine May and the other Rivals would mostly be friendly, but I'm sure there's one or two that'll just be jerks to you. Regardless of personality, they'll be pretty tough and programmed to skill with you. Your strongest mon you have on hand when you fight them will be the level their entire team.

With your tutorial done, the world is opened up! Your mom gives you your running shoes, some Pokeballs, and your...I don't know, PokeCelular or something, just the regional gadget that does a bunch of stuff. From holding your map to holding your VS Seeker.

The PokeCelular will also give you notifications on where Team Wild are! You can choose to ignore the events, but if you do, then they'll start to appear in the overworld know and will get progressively stronger.

A Balancing Act

This game will be an open world, 8-Bit Sprite Game for you to explore after you leave Capricorn!

So how do we balance that?

Well, we got our Rival out of the way already, so let's move on. Gym Leaders will have a pretty linear progression. However, regardless of which Gym you tackle first, they'll all be at the same level.

It doesn't matter if you decide to go across the map and battle the Bug Gym, he'll stay at Level 10, just like the Normal Gym. Whe you get the second badge, they'll all jump to Level 15. NPC Trainers will follow the same progression; the higher your badge number, the stronger the number of Pokemon they'll be.

Wild Pokemon will also get stronger. The more badges you get, it'll attract stronger wild Pokemon because they'll see you're stronger and will come out more.

The overworld will also have various dungeons in them that'll be Level Locked. Say, you go through a forest and you're just trying to reach the end of a maze. The Trainers and Pokemon will function the same as I've mentioned before. But, you can decide to go deeper into the dungeon. These Pokemon will be level locked, usually something of a high level, because this is a more dangerous part of the dungeon. But, there'll be some goodies down there, like rarer Pokemon and some kind of really rare and good item like a TM or something.

How will you traverse? Well, first of all, HMs? They're semi-back. BUT, instead of having to deal with teaching Cut to a Pokemon, you just need the move Cut and a Pokemon that can use the move and you'll be able to use Cut. A few other Pokemon that are reasonable candidates, but don't get cut, will be allowed to do this too. Like, Gallade can use Cut. It can't learn the move, but just holding the HM will get the job done.

Controversial opinion, but I think I've always liked the idea of HMs. On paper, they give you a reason to explore the world and go back to areas you couldn't before for goodies and make for a good way to get off dungeons until you get the needed item. Even something like Cut can be used to open up new areas for exploration for your squad of mons.

BUT, well, HMs suck. As moves, they suck save for, like, 2...MAYBE and they're only for, like, a handful of areas. You either hand them out as evenly as possible, forcing mons to take moves you don't wanna use, or you just get an HM Slave or two to use 'em all. But like they, they serve their function and all you need is the Pokemon in question and NOT teach them the move. If you need a Move Deleter just so people aren't stuck having to use Rock Smash for three towns, then there's a problem with your RPG. Imagine playing Final Fantasy and you had to give your Fighter the Bronze Axe to get through a forest and still had to fight with it, even though you got a +12 Silver Sword! It's no wonder people hated these things! But I don't think getting rid of them and introducing Rental Pokemon was a good solution either and adds a different, albeit less intrusive problem.

Gym Leaders

So, how do Gym Leaders work?

Much like your rivals, they'll be randomly generated. Let's say, hypothetically, there's a pool of 60 Gym Leaders and Elite Four members. The game will randomly generate 16 to be Gym Leaders. The generator will have some kind of complicated math (at least, too complicated for me) so that you don't have more than 2 gyms of the same type. (Example: Misty and Nessa might be Active Gyms, Siebold can't be selected for a Gym cause the Water Slots are taken).

As a trade off, some Gyms might have special conditions before you can challenge them. Like, if you got stuck with Koga as a Gym Leader, than he'll only let you in if you complete a nearby dungeon and help his daughter out cause he doesn't trust her to make it back on her own. Or, like, Claire's a Gym Leader, but she won't battle you unless you've collected 7 Gym Badges prior at least.

The Gym Leaders, as mentioned before, will get progressively stronger with each badge obtained. After the 8th badge, you can go and climb Victory Road, face the E4 and confront the Champion! You can keep hunting Gym Leaders, but just remember that the E4 will always be 10 Levels above the strongest gym you beat. And they'll just get stronger with every one you beat until all 16 are slain.

Another handful, let's say 8, Gym Leaders/E4 Members will be wondering around as NPC Trainers. The justification is that this big super region is in some Alternate Universe Pokemon Game that has all the Pokemon and other important trainers in it, hence why we can have a game where Roxanne and Lenora are hanging out at a coffee shop. They're not Rivals, more like stronger NPCs you can rematch and wonder the map. They're not here to be the very best like no one ever was.

I mean, I'd like, like, 10-20 instead of 8 extras, but let's not get TOO greedy...yet...

Elite Four

And now, it's time to flip the script. Cause if E4 members can be Gym Leaders, then who are the Elite Four?

Easy. The Rivals.

All the Rival characters will be put in a random generator as well. The four that are chosen. You can have an Elite Four made up of Wally, Marnie, Hau, and Barry and you gotta deal with it.

This is excluding Brendan and May, Blue, and Calem and Serena. Anyone else is fair game.

Champion

So, the Champion. Who would it be in this? There was a funny idea I had, but this is a Pokemon Game. So there would be two versions. We'll call them Pokemon Dawn & Dusk. The difference between these games is the game Champion!

Benga would be the Champion of Pokemon Dusk, the grandson of Alder! His final Team will include Volcarona, Garchomp, and Dragonite, Pokemon he used in Black and White. I'd also include Scrafty, Rampardos, and Golurk, Pokemon used against you in White Treehollow and Black Tower areas.

Meanwhile, the Champion of Pokemon Dusk will be Zinnia, the Lorekeeper! Her team would include the Goodra, Tyrantrum, Altaria, Noivern, and Salamence she used in her original team, with her plucky Whismur sidekick becoming an Exploud and her ace.

You would've met them in the beginning of the game and would've showed off a bit by helping you with Team Wild before. They'll pop in and out throughout the game, at first amused by your tenacity, but not wanting a rookie like you to get hurt. But if you keep bonking Team Wild, they'll be impressed with how strong you are.

The show up to chat again when you beat 8 Gym Leaders, and will pop in if you White Out to give you some advice. White Out three times and they'll feel bad for you and give you an egg. Benga will give you a Larvesta Egg and Zinnia a Bagon Egg.

EXTRAS

So I don't got a lot of ideas for the Post Game, but there is one idea I thought would be cool if, if after you defeat the champion, they give you a call. They'll tell you that there are strong trainers wondering the Overworld and to be careful.

Because dotting the overworld will be Champions passed and proper! Cynthia, Blue, Lance; all of them are rocking Lv 100 Teams and are out for blood. They won't challenge you, but if you talk to them, there will be no backing out of the battle! You come with your A-Game!

sI'm not exactly in love with the idea of Team Wild. Maybe the Evil Team should go full fanservice and just be Team Rainbow Rocket. Or maybe go half-and-half; having past Evil Team members and leaders walk around in cowboy gear and acting as Team Wild executives.

I'd also would love Tournaments. Like, maybe that could be a weekly event in some town, they'll how tournaments and the characters that aren't designated as Gym Leaders and such will attend. Maybe there's a cash prize, maybe you'll win Pokemon Eggs of rare, guaranteed shines, or maybe you'll get some kind of important quest items.

Yeah, I want quests! All sorts of side quests! And can't forget what I'd do with Legendairs;

If you know Bengal's team, you'll know he's got the Lati Twins. I don't like that personally and would prefer Legendaries to be Super Bosses. Like, you gotta do a lot to find them. And when you do, their stats are boosted and they become an Uber Boss! You catch them in a cutscene after you beat them!

There's also just a ton of characters I didn't get around to or really have a place for. Emma, Looker, N, and the Stat Trainers all come to mind. Overall, I'd want them to pepper the world as well, but don't have anything to say except this: Pokemon has made a lot of memorable characters. Both good and bad. And this is probably my dream Pokemon Game; one where you can hang out with your favorites

[my-lady-knight]

Favorite Reads of 2020

I take back everything I said last year about how 2019 was a comparatively bad reading year for me. 2020 was even worse. I only read 48 books, I could barely focus on reading even when I did find a book I liked, and, just like last year, I ended up with fewer favorites than usual. Starting in August I’ve been having trouble reading any written media that isn’t TOG fic. And some of my eagerly awaited releases by favorite authors ended up being disappointments (Deeplight by Frances Hardinge and Phoenix Extravagant by Yoon Ha Lee).

2020—the year that keeps on giving.

I sincerely hope 2021 will be a better year in all respects, including my reading habits, but, as with everything else, who knows.

Regardless, here’s my list of favorite reads of 2020, in chronological order of when I read them:

Network Effect by Martha Wells

I’d read the first four Murderbot Diaries novellas when they first came out and enjoyed them, but I didn’t fall head-over-heels in love with them. Maybe because they were novellas, and too short to get fully invested? Possibly. As it turns out, Network Effect is the novel-length fifth entry in the Murderbot Diaries that turned me into full-on squeeing fan—SecUnit, aka Murderbot, continues to be its delightfully acerbic, antisocial self, SPOILER makes another appearance and oh how I’d missed this character, the supporting cast is fun and endearing, and the novel-length story means there’s time and space for the brand-new corporate espionage/colonization/alien civilization murder mystery to unfold and spread its wings. (Sounds like a Sanctuary Moon plot tbh). SecUnit is possibly my favorite non-human fictional character atm, and I am now fully on-board for every and any new story in the series.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

When I first heard about this book and read the words “time travel romance”, I immediately went, “Nope, not gonna read.” I don’t like reading time travel stories, and honestly, I was imagining it to be something like The Time Traveler’s Wife, which granted I haven’t read but also sounds like it’d be the opposite of my cup of tea. 

And then I went to a reading where Amal and Max took turns reading chapters – letters written by Red and Blue, enemy agents who repeatedly taunt and thwart the other’s plans to ensure their side is the one to win the time war and who can’t resist smugly outlining just how they’re staying one step ahead of the other – and the prose was witty and gorgeous and clever and intricate, and Red and Blue were snarky and arrogant and talented and fun. I had to read it. And I ended up loving it, this enemies-to-lovers story that is a meld of fantasy and science fiction such that they’re indistinguishable from the other, where the past is as equally fantastical and alien and imaginary as the future, where Red and Blue’s power play transforms into something different and scarier and more intimate than either of them imagined. 

To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers

Becky Chambers has done it again, writing a gentle, hopeful story about humans working together out of a share a love and fascination for scientific exploration and wonder for all the possibilities the entirety of space can hold. With the advent of both space travel and technology that alters human physiology to allow them to survive otherwise inhospitable environments, a team of four astronauts and scientists have embarked on a mission to ecologically survey four distant planets and the life forms that inhabit them, from the microscopic to the multicellular—not to conquer, but to record and to learn and to share the gathered knowledge with the rest of Earth. In the meantime, lightyears away, Earth is going through decades without them, and the four of them must also contend with a planet that may have forgotten their existence—or that’s abandoned the entire space and scientific exploration program.

Reading Becky Chambers is the literary equivalent of sitting down with a warm mug of my favorite tea on a bad day – I always feel better at the end and like I can imagine a future where humanity does all the wonderful things we’re capable of doing.

A Song for a New Day by Sarah Pinsker

I started reading this book right as NYC was gearing up to go into lockdown, which should have made this a terrible choice to continue reading since part of the premise is that a combo of multiple stochastic terror attacks and a brand-new, deadly plague upend the world as everyone knows it by causing the U.S. to pass laws that keep people physically apart in public for their own safety and make concerts, theatre, and any other kind of artistic gathering obsolete.

But that’s largely just the set-up, and the real story is that of Luce Cannon, an up-and-coming singer-songwriter who played the last major concert in the before times who twenty years later performs in illegal underground concerts, and Rosemary, a younger music-lover who’s only lived in the after-times, and who’s taken a new job scouting out talent to add to the premier virtual entertainment company’s roster of simulated concerts.

It’s a love letter to live music and what it feels like to connect and build community via music in unusual and strange and scary times, the energy involved in making music for yourself, for an audience, exploring the world around you, imagining and advocating for a better tomorrow, and embracing the fear, the possibility, and the power of change, both good and bad. This was the book I needed to read at the beginning of the pandemic, and I’m thankful I ended up doing so.

The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2019 edited by John Joseph Adams and Carmen Maria Machado

When I end up loving half of the stories in an anthology and greatly enjoying all but two of the rest, that’s the equivalent of a literary blue moon for me. My favorites included the following;

"Pitcher Plant" by Adam-Troy Castro

"Six Hangings in the Land of Unkillable Women" by Theodore McCombs

"Variations on a Theme from Turandot" by Ada Hoffmann

"Sister Rosetta Tharpe and Memphis Minnie Sing the Stumps Down Good" by LaShawn M. Wanak

"The Kite Maker" by Brenda Peynado

"The Secret Lives of the Nine Negro Teeth of George Washington" by P. Djèlí Clark

"Dead Air" by Nino Cipri

"Skinned" by Lesley Nneka Arimah

"Godmeat" by Martin Cahill

"On the Day You Spend Forever with Your Dog" by Adam R. Shannon

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

No one is more surprised than me that Harrow is on this list, given that I am one of approximately three people in the universe who did not unequivocally love Gideon the Ninth. 

And yet the sequel worked for me. 

Maybe because this time I already knew and was used to the way the world and the Houses worked, and I knew to not take anything I read for granted because I could be guaranteed to have the rug pulled out from under me without even realizing. Maybe Harrow’s countdown/amnesia mystery worked better for me than Gideon’s locked room mystery. Maybe the cast of characters was more manageable and fewer of them were getting murdered left and right before I got a chance to get used to them (and some of them even came back!) Maybe it’s that Harrow blew open the potential and possibilities Gideon hinted at and capitalized on just how fucking weird and mind-blowing the whole premise is in a way that felt incredibly and viscerally satisfying.

Also SPOILER happens three-quarters of the way through. That was pretty fucking awesome.

Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark

P. Djélí Clark is a master of melding history and fantasy in ways that are in turn imaginative and clever (his fantastical alternate-history, early 20th-century Egyptian novel A Master of Djinn is one of the books I’m most looking forward to in 2021), while also using fantasy to be frank and incisive about the history of American antiblack racism (as in the above linked story in The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2019). Ring Shout combines the late-nineteenth and early 20th-century history of the rise and normalization of the KKK with Lovecraftian supernatural horror, in which the release of The Birth of a Nation summoned literal monsters (called Ku Kluxes) that became part of the KKK’s ranks. Maryse Boudreaux is a Black woman who’s part of a grassroots organization hunting both the monsters and the human members in order to keep the Klan at bay. However, there’s soon to be another summoning ritual atop Stone Mountain that will unleash even more Ku Kluxes into the world, and Maryse and her friends are running out of time to prevent it from happening.

Maryse is a fantastic character, as are her two friends—brash, unapologetic Sadie and WWI veteran, weapons expert Chef—her mentor and leader of the Ring Shout group Nana Jean, and all the other members of the group who work and fight together as a team and a family. Maryse’s past and the journey she goes on in the book to uncover the truth and stop the summoning is harrowing and heart-stopping, the supernatural elements are both horrific in and of themselves while also undergirding the real-life horror of the KKK and the hatred they engender. It’s smart, it’s fun, it’s eye-opening, and it’s also being turned into a TV show starring KiKi Layne. It’s really, really good.

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley

“Stick to the brief.” This is the maxim given to Dietz and all the other soldiers who join the war against Mars, where soldiers are broken down into light to travel to and from their assigned battlefields instantaneously. Only Dietz isn’t experiencing the jumps like everyone else – Dietz, like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse-Five, has become unstuck in time and is experiencing all the battles in the mission briefs out of chronological order, to the point that Dietz starts to build a picture of a war and a reality that’s been sold to Dietz and everyone else on Earth as pure fiction. 

I’ve always appreciated Kameron Hurley’s stories, but this is the first book where she fully succeeded at writing the book she set out to write—it’s fast-paced science fiction thriller in the form of a loaded gun that takes brutal aim at late-stage capitalism, modern military warfare and the dehumanization of everyone involved on all sides, the greed of ungovernable governing corporations, nationalistic and military propaganda, the mythology of citizenship and inalienable rights, and it’s viscerally bloody and violent without being grotesque in the way all of Kameron Hurley’s books are. Especially important for me, I loved that Dietz went through the entire book not being gendered in any way, shape, or form (those last five pages didn’t exist, what are you talking about), and I love in general that Kameron Hurley is committed to writing non-male characters who aren’t less violent or fucked-up or morally superior to men just because they’re not men.

Other Words for Home by Jasmine Warga

Middle grade is a hard sell for me these days, as are books in verse, and I wouldn’t have known this book existed if it weren’t for the Ignyte Award nomination list earlier this year. As it turns out, this book, the story of Jude, a pre-teen girl who wants to be an actress who leaves Syria and the encroaching civil war with her mom to go live in the U.S. with her uncle and his white wife and their daughter while her dad and older brother stay behind, is full of beauty, curiosity, humor, confusion, grief, pain, and joy, and the poetic prose is both lyrical, nuanced, and perfectly fitted to Jude’s voice. I devoured this book in one day, which is the quickest amount of time it took me to read any book this year, including novellas.

Darius the Great Deserves Better by Adib Khorram

The first book Darius the Great Is Not Okay was one of my favorite books in 2018, and I’m ecstatic that the sequel is equally as amazing.

It’s been approximately half a year since Darius went to Iran, met his maternal grandparents in person for the first time, and found his best friend in Sohrab, and in that time he’s come out as gay, joined the soccer team, got an internship at his favorite tea shop, and started dating for the first time. Darius is also working through some things though—when and if he wants to have sex with his boyfriend, his grandfather��s worsening illness, his dad’s recent depressive episode, his emotionally distant paternal grandmothers on his coming for an extended stay, the fact that he’s getting to know and growing closer with one of his teammates who’s best friends with Darius’s years-long bully, and a bunch else. 

Darius the Great Deserves Better has the same tender and vulnerable emotional intimacy as the first book, more conversations over tea, new instances involving the mortifying ordeal of being a cis guy with a penis, even more Star Trek metaphors, and so much growth for Darius as he works through a lot of hard situations and feelings, and strengthens his relationships with all of the people in his life he loves and cares about. I can’t think of any other book that’s like these two books, and I love and treasure them dearly.

The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson

I had zero awareness of this book until a bunch of SFF authors started praising it on Twitter a couple months before the release date, and I was intrigued enough to get a copy from the library. I loved this book. I happened to be reading it right at the time of the presidential election, and it phenomenally served the purpose of desperately-needed distraction from the agony of waiting out the ballot counts.

It’s book about the power behind borders, citizenship, exploitation, and imperialism, set in a late-late-stage capitalist future, in which a prodigy invented the means to access and travel to slightly divergent parallel universes to grab resources and data – but only if the other universe’s version of “you” isn’t there. It’s the story of a woman named Cara – poor, brown, born in the wastelands outside the shelter, security, and citizenship privileges of Wiley City – who’s comfortably employed to travel to all the parallel worlds no one else can visit, because all her counterparts in those worlds are dead from one of the myriad ways Cara herself could have died growing up. It’s the story of Cara traversing the muddied boundaries between her old life and her new one, the similarities and differences between her own life and that of her counterparts, as well as the figures of power who defined and shaped her and her counterparts’ existences, and solving a mystery involving the unexplained deaths of several of her counterparts and the man who invented multiverse technology.

It’s a story of the permeability of selfhood and self-determination, and complexity of power dynamics of all kinds – interpersonal, familial, collegial, intimate – and the interplay between violence and stability and identity, and how one can be both powerful and powerless in the same dynamic. It’s a story with literary sensibilities that is unequivocally science fiction, written with laser-precise prose that flays Cara open and puts her back together again.

I worry this description makes this book sound dry and removed when reading this book made me feel like I was coming alive every time I delved back into it. This is a book I cannot wait to reread again to experience the brilliance and skill and thoughtfulness and emotion of Micaiah Johnson’s writing. I have no clue what, if anything, she’s writing next, but I have a new favorite author.

Honorable Mentions

Catfishing on CatNet by Naomi Kritzer

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo

Stormsong by C. L. Polk

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin

Sisters of the Vast Black by Lina Rather

Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh

The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke (I feel bad putting it here and not in the first list – it is undeniably a modern classic and a brilliantly crafted book! But I had zero interest in any of the Italy chapters, and I found the way he finally figured out how to access fairy magic by essentially making himself mad to be both disappointing and narratively unsatisfying.)

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi

For my yearly stats on books written by POC authors, in 2020 I read a total of 24 books (one of which was co-authored by a white author), which is fewer than last year (30). However, because I also read fewer books this year overall, this is the first year ever that I achieved exactly 50-50 parity between books written by POC and white authors. I honestly wasn’t expecting this to happen, as I stopped paying deliberate attention somewhere around April or May. Looking over my Goodreads, the month of September ended up doing a lot of heavy lifting, since that’s when I read several books by POC authors in a row for the Ignyte Award nomination period. But also, it does look like the five or so years of purposefully aiming for 50-50 parity have materially affected my reading habits, by which I mean even when I’m not keeping my year’s count in mind, I’m still more likely to pick up a book by a POC author than I was five years ago when I had never kept track at all. My goal for next year is to once again achieve 50-50 parity and to not backslide.

[writingithink]

Keeping In Mind Pairing: Ten x Rose Rated: T Wordcount: 2,359 Summary: The Doctor finally looks into Rose's telepathy (a bit). Notes: Life got busy, but finally Day 6 of @timepetalsweek ! I used the picture prompt and the word prompt 'wolves'.

For the first time, I'm going to say that if you haven't ready any of the other ones you might not enjoy this one as much. I don't think you'd necessarily be lost or anything, but yeah.

So many innumerable thank yous to @hey-there-juliet for betaing <3

All mistakes are mine.

I own nothing.

READ IT ON AO3 -> copy/paste link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539580

“I think it’s that way,” Rose pointed, laughing as the Doctor tried to stand on his tiptoes to see over the crowds of people and ended up knocking his forehead on her chin.

“You know, the parade’s over. Don’t you want to stand on your own now?”

“No. I had to use my favor for this, so I’m gonna make the most of it, ta.”

He rolled his eyes, even as he smiled up at her. It really wasn’t that bad, she didn’t weigh much at all as far as he was concerned. If they ever had to do this the other way around, his wife would likely be shocked at how dense he was despite his skinny body. So he began to slowly weave through the groups of families that still hadn’t dispersed despite the late hour and the park closing. Just because giving her a piggyback ride was physically easy didn’t mean it wasn’t awkward to navigate.

I can get down if you really want.

“No, no, you’re right. It’s your favor. Blimey, I don’t know what I’d use mine for. Suppose I’ll just save it, I’m sure it will come to me.”

“Mmm shoulda put an expiration date on ‘em. That way I wouldn’t be blindsided whenever you do figure out what you want.”

“Were you planning to forget?” he asked, pausing to look around again. He could sense the TARDIS nearby, he just couldn’t see.

“No,” she chuckled, “but knowing you, it’ll be, like, ten years from now and you’ll be like ‘ Rose, remember how you owe me a favor’ and then ask me to do something completely barmy.”

The Doctor grimaced. “Don’t. Don’t do impressions. It’s not- no.”

But he did love the idea of her being with him ten years from now. She kissed the top of his head, their bond buzzing with pleasant emotions (and a hint of irritation, but he’d known that was coming the moment he questioned her character work - but really, she could settle for being good at most things, no one’s good at everything).

“Aha!” He finally locked eyes on their time ship and sped up, Rose gripping him tighter.

When they reached the door he paused and bent over so that his bondmate could unlock and open it, as his arms were still busy holding her up. Once inside, he kicked the door closed and paused once they got to the console.

“Down now?”

“Nope.”

“But how’m I supposed to fly the TARDIS?”

“Where are you trying to go now? I’m knackered. We landed at Epcot before it even opened and have been riding rides all day.”

“Nowhere, really. Just not here. Maybe orbit around a nice nebula.” The Doctor tried to shrug, but it was hard to accomplish with Rose on his back.

“Then it can wait. Let’s go to the galley, have a cuppa,” she suggested, and he wondered if he’d have to hold her the whole time she made tea.

Yup, came her mental response.

This can’t possibly be that fun for you, he insisted, despite the contradictory information the bond was giving him.

“C’mon, it’s a new experience,” his wife insisted, and she wasn’t wrong but it definitely wasn’t a new experience he would have ever put on a list of things to try.

With a sigh, the Doctor walked them around the console and to the main corridor, but he wasn’t paying nearly as much attention as he should have been as he turned down the hall and ended up bashing her head on one of the coral struts.

“Ow!!”

“I’m so sorry! So, so sorry!!”

He could feel how much that hurt over their connection. Still didn’t know how to turn off that part. It was so unconscious that telepathic barriers didn’t really do anything.

“Ohhh I think it’s bleeding,” she groaned.

“Sorry, sorry! We’ll have it fixed up in a jiffy, don’t you worry,” he promised, making a left instead of a right to get to the infirmary.

After kicking open the doors, the Doctor sat Rose onto the cot. “We’ll just press pause on the piggyback ride, yeah?”

“Mmm, I don’t really feel like it anymore,” she grumbled as he pulled the sonic out of his jacket pocket. Honestly, they probably didn’t need to be in here for this, but it was where the good antiseptic wipes were for after he healed her head wound.

“Sorry,” he whispered, parting her hair around the teeny tiny cut and sonicking it closed before doing a quick scan to make sure he hadn’t given her a concussion - he hadn’t.

“Stop sayin’ sorry, it was just an accident,” Rose huffed, and he was beginning to feel her headache through the bond.

And he almost apologized for apologizing, but thankfully caught himself.

It wasn’t until he turned around to find the antiseptic and some paracetamol that the Doctor noticed all of the various scanners and other equipment lined up on the counter. He’d done that weeks ago in a fit of productivity while Rose had been sleeping, and since then had completely forgotten about it. Well, not completely . But he had been putting it off. They’d been putting it off.

“We don’t have to wait until we’re done with our honeymoon if you don’t wanna,” Rose said, picking up on his frustrated guilt.

He sighed, getting back on track and opening the cupboard, hoping that the TARDIS hadn’t rearranged things again - thankfully she hadn’t. In fact she was being quite helpful today, wipes and pain reliever right at the front.

“It’s not exactly romantic,” he countered. “We’ve only just finished trip number four, and we already took a break to do wedding planning with your mum.”

“Well, at the rate we’re goin’, this honeymoon could last months yet. Don’t think I didn’t catch ya pondering about cabins this morning. Which I do approve of, by the way. I’ve always wanted to try skiing.” She gave him his favorite tongue-in-teeth grin.

“Awwwww that was going to be a surprise,” the Doctor pouted as he handed her the capsule before setting about cleaning her scalp and hair.

“You weren’t tryin’ very hard to keep it a secret,” his wife pointed out.

“I thought you weren’t really awake yet. Your thoughts were all … cotton candy-like.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, that’s the closest thing I could think of,” he defended. “Telepathy isn’t easy to describe! Especially not in English.”

Like the way her mental laughter gave his whole body a pleasant tingly bubbly-ness.

“Anyway, we’re here now so we might as well do your scans,” Rose said, changing the subject. “And I think you owe me two more favors now.”

“What? Why?”

“‘Cause, even though it was an accident you did mess up my piggyback ride.”

“But how does that equal two favors?” he asked, confused.

She looked up, momentarily dislodging his hand. “Because you love me?”

His bondmate was quite devious, and no amount of big, innocent eyes were going to change his mind. Unfortunately, she was right.

“ Fine,” he sighed, wondering when exactly she had wrapped him around her finger. The Doctor had a sneaking suspicion that it was earlier than he’d ever want to admit. He tipped her head back so that he could finish up. “Two favors for you, but you can’t use them to get out of my future-favor. Aaaaand, all done.” He gave her head a kiss and then moved back to the counter to get started on the scans.

“So, how’s this gonna work?” Rose asked.

“Should be easy. You can just stay where you are. This is a six-dimensional comprehensive deep scanner. Used to have an eight-dimensional one, but I seem to have misplaced it. Actually, I may have traded it. Hard to remember.”

He set up it’s tripod, calibrating the sight before dragging the cords over to the infirmary monitor.

“And this,” he continued, holding up a teal tablet about the size of a small laptop, “is a telepathic assessment device. Used to classify telepathy grades, basic ability test. It hooks up to you with these.” The Doctor picked up a handful of wireless electrodes.

“Wait, I’m gonna have to take a test?”

Distress echoed across the bond.

“Kind of. Sort of. It’s not like it’s something you need to study for.” This didn’t seem to reassure her. “We could skip this one?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I just don’t like takin’ tests,” Rose mumbled, crossing her arms and looking down.

The Doctor walked over, abandoning the equipment on a nearby cart before taking a seat next to her on the cot and wrapping an arm around her. “It’s really not that kind of test. It’s still medical, like a reflex test or a concussion test, you know, where they ask you the date and who’s prime minister. Just a basic check. And I’m certain you’ll do brilliantly. You’re such a strong presence in my mind, and since you have such a limited experience with telepathy I don’t think you can appreciate how exceptional that is. But really, I’m sure that I can still get a good picture of what’s going on if we didn’t do this one.”

“No, no, we can do it,” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “‘M sure you’re right. Just me being silly.”

“It’s not. Silly, that is.” He kissed her temple, both savoring the way their bond buzzed at the contact. “You’re sure?”

“Yup. I’m sure. What else do we need to do?”

“If we’re being thorough? A full medical. But I don’t feel like being that thorough right now. The TARDIS base scans should be fine.”

“TARDIS base scans?”

“Ah, right, have I never mentioned?” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, mussing his hair. “Everyday, however many times we enter the TARDIS or whenever there’s a significant, unexpected change in our vitals, she scans us. To make sure we’re healthy. So, me too, not just you. If she thinks you might be getting sick, she adjusts the environment, adds different medicines into the air.”

“Into the air?” Her jaw dropped.

“I’ve very advanced technology on this ship, haven’t you noticed?” He raised an eyebrow, smirking just a little (and got a swat for his trouble).

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Rose decided, straightening up.

And so they got on with it. Really, it didn’t take very long - she finished up the telepathic assessment in under 20 minutes. During which the Doctor tried and failed to compile her TARDIS scans. He put on his specs and glared at the screens, thinking unflattering things to his time ship.

“Ugh, I don’t think that helped my headache,” his bondmate complained, setting down the tablet.

“Oh. I didn’t really think of that. Could you come over here? I need your hand.”

“What for?” she asked, coming up behind where he was sitting next to the monitors and draping her body over her back.

“She won’t let me look at your scans without your permission.”

“Oh.” She blinked. “Well, that’s polite. Where’s my hand go?”

“Right in here,” he said, pointing at a white iridescent box. “And no, it’s not polite. I’m your doctor!”

“Mmm, yeah, you are,” Rose agreed, licking the shell of his ear before obediently sticking her hand into the reader.

All of the doctor-ly things he had previously been thinking about fled his mind, followed by telepathic laughter and a few very suggestive images.

Minx, he mentally chastised.

Mmm, but all yours.

“So!” he shouted (on accident), “I’ll just set your 6d scans and assessment to configure. And the TARDIS has finished graphing your daily scans with a focus on your telepathic centers. Want to know the results, or …?”

“Yeah, tell ‘em to me,” she whispered into his ear, and how did she do this?

I thought you had a headache?

She didn’t bother responding to that, instead taking a seat in his lap. The Doctor had to crane his neck in order to look at the computer screens. It was very hard to focus with his wife massaging his shoulders. But he eventually managed, eyes widening and mouth falling open as he read the readout.

It was pretty much what he’d suspected, but still. It’s one thing to theorize and another to see the evidence right in front of him.

“What? What is it?”

Rose stopped teasing him, looking back and forth between him and the monitors of Circular Gallifreyan.

“Bad Wolf.”

“Wait, what?”

He finally pulled his eyes away from the screens and focused on his bondmate, who was beginning to panic.

“It’s nothing bad,” the Doctor was quick to reassure her. “You’re fine. Perfectly healthy. It’s just, when you and the TARDIS merged, you had to connect telepathically. Humans, you’ve got loads of possibilities in your DNA that you never evolved to use. Telepathy is one of those things, the markers are already there. So what the TARDIS did was activate them, which allowed you two to properly communicate. Remove the Vortex, though, and the knowledge of how to use the telepathy disappears. But if you look at the progression from then to now, there’s been steady improvement. You’re stretching the muscles, so to speak.”

“And that’s … it’s fine?”

“Perfectly fine,” he repeated, hugging her tightly. “None of it’s normal, but I can’t say I’ve ever liked normal. And you know what?”

“What?”

“I can’t be certain, but assuming your trends hold, you’ll quickly become a stronger telepath than I am. Provided you have lessons.”

“Like more telepathy lessons than usual?” She frowned. “We have those all the time.”

“Not necessarily more often. More varied, though. Ohhh, I’m going to have to do even more reading. And I’ve not even started. I should really get on that.”

“Yeah, but not right now.” Rose stood and then began playing with his tie.

“Oh, definitely not right now. I was, you know, speaking in general, relative terms.”

The Doctor slid to the edge of his chair and went to take his glasses off.

Leave ‘em, his wife projected.

And he was quite delighted to wait to do all of this research until after she inevitably fell asleep.