#I had an existential crisis and also a lot of things happen in quick succession

[dorian-gaye]

Dysphoria is an interesting beast, but if you find a way to combat it, then it's worth it to give that kind of thought a try. (click on images for higher detail, individual panels under the read more) Posted 20th July 2024

[iamanartichoke]

I started typing this in the tags of this post, and it got too long, and then I was going to just reblog the post with this as an addition but that got too long too, and I've been meaning to make a post addressing free will vs. predestination since the premiere anyway, so - here we go. Spoilers, obviously.

Cut for length and spoilers. Please blacklist #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, and #loki spoilers.

This is kinda rough and I'm not sure it actually makes any sense but I'm posting it anyway.

I realize that the post is a joke, obviously (and it is hilarious) but I started thinking about the implications and couldn't stop because it's honestly a goldmine of existential reflection and an inevitable crisis or three.

Let's look at a scenario.

Say you're late to work for reasons totally beyond your control: your neighbor stopped you to ask a question on your way out the door; you swung through the drive-thru for a quick coffee but the person in front of you is ordering a full continental breakfast ffs (this happened to me this morning); there was an explosion and then the Winter Soldier randomly dropped from the sky and landed on the hood of your car. Whatever. Shit happens.

So you're late, but on this particular day, your lateness somehow has consequences that lead to and create a nexus event and the next thing you know, you're being arrested, tried, convicted of time crimes and ultimately (a version of you is) erased from existence.

And this is if it's not even your fault you're late.

Now say that you're late and it is your fault. You took a new route on a whim and drove a little more slowly because you passed a particularly pretty meadow; you hit the brakes at a yellow light instead of speeding through bc you wanted the quick chance to check your email; you sat in your car for a few extra minutes in the parking lot, because maybe your job sucks and you really needed those extra minutes today to psyche yourself up into getting out of the car and going inside and clocking in.

These little choices are you exercising your free will. Because to me, free will is all or nothing - it doesn't just apply to the big decisions.

On the other hand, predestination means that regardless of the choices you make or if it's a big decision or not, everything you do is ultimately going to lead you to a set point or position or place (your destiny).

And I can kind of look at it like a GPS - that is, there are a number of "insignificant" choices you could make and they will still lead you to where you're predestined to go. Like how a GPS will reconfigure your route if you miss your exit on the highway. It doesn't matter if you took Route A or Route B, you're still going to end up at your destination.

But say sometimes the route does matter. Say that there are certain scenarios in which there's only one road (for example, 14 million losses vs 1 win) and you can only get on it by following a specific series of events and what determines the ultimate outcome is whether or not you're late to work that day.

If you decide to wait those extra five minutes in the parking lot, that means that you weren't in your cubicle at 9:03 when Stanley from Accounting wandered by with his giant stack of papers, and when Mary Sue said hello to him, he got distracted and tried to wave and ended up dropping those papers. Had you been at your cubicle, you'd have swooped down to help him but since you weren't there, Stanley is crouched on the floor alone and doesn't notice Joe coming at him with a paper trolley so when he stands up, he and Joe collide and Stanley loses his balance and goes face-first toward the trolley and breaks his nose when he hits the metal handle on his way down.

Now Stanley has to go to the hospital to get his nose set because you wanted to sit in your car and spend five extra minutes hating your life that morning.

If the sacred timeline says that Stanley is supposed to be in that ER at that specific time on that specific day, and no other set of circumstances would get him there, because this will ultimately take Stanley down the road to whatever greater journey he's supposed to go on, then it has to happen. But say you exercise your free will and decide not to wait those five minutes, because the free will applies to every choice you make, even the tiny, insignificant ones. You chose to put on your big person pants and took a deep breath and just head inside - and because you chose to do that and because you were at your cubicle to help Stanley with his papers, Stanley never ends up in the ER and the timeline that's supposed to happen is suddenly at risk and the TVA has to get involved (I assume).

So having free will introduces way, way too many variables into a fixed timeline to ever keep track, because you're taking these tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that people are making every minute of every day, and you're multiplying them by trillions of sentient beings in the universe, and you're saying the fate of the timeline and reality itself depends on all of these beings either always making the choice they're supposed to make or constantly sending the TVA out whenever they don't.

It's fair to conclude, then, that both free will and a fixed, single timeline can't exist at the same time. Either you adhere to the fixed timeline and everyone does exactly what they're supposed to do every second of every minute of existence, or you have free will and autonomy over all of your decisions, no matter how big or small, and those decisions can result in a number of outcomes, ultimately leading you to one of several possible destinations.

Case in point: Tony didn't have to snap his fingers in Endgame. He chose to. Had he not, Thanos would have won. It doesn't matter if there was one way to victory or 14 million ways to failure; the timeline could ultimately only go one of two ways and the choice Tony willingly made determined that Thanos lost. It wasn't predetermined because if Tony had not chosen to snap his fingers, the timeline would have gone the other way.

My personal belief - and this isn't necessarily for the MCU, but in general - is that we do possess free will and the future is ever shifting and changing because nothing is written in stone. It holds up against most, if not all, of the world's belief systems. For example, if you believe that people have guardian angels, the rule is generally that your guardian angels can help you but you have to ask them; they can't decide to intervene without your permission because to do so would infringe upon your free will.

Similarly, you can go on etsy and pay $5 for a funsies psychic reading or pay a lot more money for an in-depth, specific tarot reading and both will tell you that the outcomes may change depending on the paths you take, and that their ultimate advice is for you to keep your focus on your goals and your own self so that you can be subconsciously manifesting the best possible future for yourself. (Not that I know this from experience. It was one time. It was a few times. My point stands, and also stop judging me.)

To get back to the MCU, though - if you determine that both a single, fixed timeline and free will can't simultaneously exist, and your ultimate purpose is upholding said timeline and not letting anyone fuck it up, lest it break off into lots of different branches, then it poses a pretty serious moral and/or ethical question of - who decides what choices we make and what paths we're destined for? The time lizards? Who gave them that authority? Did anyone, or did they just manifest themselves into existence one day, create the universe, and then decide all of the rules (and, if so, where does that leave the norns and the gods and other super powerful beings who are generally thought to be in charge of things)?

If free will doesn't exist and everyone is acting based on what has been predetermined for them by some higher being (or, in this case, time lizards), it takes away our autonomy, and if everything we do and every single tiny step we take is decided for us, what makes us any different than cogs in a machine just following orders? What separates us from robots?

Speaking of robots, it's interesting to me that the TVA's screening process (if you can call it that) has a failsafe against robots specifically. Any robot that might come through is destroyed immediately and in this case, “not a robot” is defined, more or less, as a sentient being that possesses a soul. What does the TVA have against robots if their ultimate goal is ensuring that the robotic machinations of the time lizards are consistently carried out to protect the sacred timeline?

A soul makes you human; the energy of the soul is what you, at the core, are. It can be assumed that having a soul also means that you have some sort of moral and ethical code by which you live your life but, if you don't also have free will, then what is the point of possessing a soul and a moral and ethical code?

Loki is a villain and he's told by Mobius, the TVA, Odin, and pretty much everyone who ever meets him that the only thing he's good for - the only reason he exists - is to cause pain and suffering and death. This has been predetermined for him; this is not his fault and he did not choose it. And every single choice he makes has either already been destined as the choice he was supposed to make, or will be pruned so it won't grow into the wrong timeline. Ultimately Loki can change neither his final destination, nor the purpose and meaning of his existence.

Which leads me to the theory that the several Loki variants that the TVA keeps coming across are the result of Loki consistently resisting against his predetermined path; he's trying to find the timeline where he is able to latch onto and keep his own free will in defiance of the timekeepers but, so far, he hasn't been successful. This could segue into why the current Variant is now going scorched earth and just obliterating the main timeline completely - because if there is no sacred timeline, there's nothing dictating who or what Loki can be, and free will is regained. If there's a multiverse that branches and branches beyond anyone's control, then there must be a branch in there, somewhere, where Loki can exist on his own terms and decide how his own story goes.

This also might be a theory for why Loki is already setting his sights on taking over the TVA (assuming that's not just something he told the variant for reasons). But my original point in delving into all this is to ask: if Loki is predestined to always be a villain whose story plays out exactly the same way because that's what's supposed to happen, then how can anyone ever hold his misdeeds against him? He's literally just existing as the timekeepers decided he would exist and everyone is blaming him for it.

And this leads me to ask, as well, if one's soul is generally good, and one possesses more good traits than bad, what is the logic in making them exist only for pain and destruction? If it's for a greater good, then it stands to reason Loki is not the only one predestined for misery, and what greater good could come from all that suffering?

Conclusion: the existence of the TVA as an organization means that there is one fixed, sacred timeline but the existence of said timeline is immoral and unethical because it means no one actually has any free will at all in the MCU. The very notion of heroes and villains is pointless because it has nothing to do with your own qualities or morality, it's literally the luck of the draw. In order to have free will, the sacred timeline has to be destroyed, and so my prediction is that the Big Bad of the Loki series is not the TVA and not the time keepers but the actual timeline itself, and the entire fate of the MCU rests on whether or not Loki can ultimately succeed.

Also, don't be late for work.

[conelly]

( luke hemmings, twenty-two, cismale, he/him ) did you see BYRON CONELLY walking down main street earlier?  you know who i’m talking about, they’re a DECKHAND.  everybody in town says that they’re SANGUINE & NONJUDGEMENTAL, but have a tendency to be IMPRESSIONABLE & VOLATILE too.  BYRON has been in town for ONE AND A BIT years. c'mon, they’re always requesting SWEET CAROLINE by NEIL DIAMOND at karaoke nights.  well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! ( ooc: sunny, 22, she/her, est )

hi thanks for tuning in, SUNNY here to tell you all a lil bit about westmere’s very own new nd improved favorite loser below. sorry for this summary being all over the place, it’s kinda how my brain works heh which is kinda perfect bc byron will for SURE be all over the place too ( u can rly tell at a certain point i was like ok i give up + i’m posting mf ). let me know if u have any questions about ‘em and most importantly, lmk if you would like to plot a lil connect or sumn 😙

@westmerestarters​ 

FAMBAM + BACKGROUND

born 14 years after the elder conelly ( wanted brother connect !!! ) entered this word to two parents who didn’t seem to read the job description, it was clear that byron wasn’t planned. and down the line, he’d soon realize through the tumultuous household he was brought up in - perhaps never even wanted.

byron’s parents had one constant - and that was fighting. over anything, all the time. there just wasn’t any love between the two and they stayed together for whatever meaningless reasons until byron hit middle school. ( there might’ve been a super short lull in toxicity once byron was born, but it had to be short as his first memories are nothing shy of toxic. )  it was a messy separation ( they never paid the full legal fees for a full divorce ) - his father moving to the coast of nj & his mother moving to a smaller apartment nearby her own mother ( which, due to the negative relationship among his mother + grandmother, also called for more tension ). he’d often be dropped off @ his grandmother’s house for baby-sitting or when he was ‘ becoming too much to handle. ’ eventually his grandmother moved into his cousin’s house ( MONROE ) and although grateful he made a practically new brother, similar tendencies of feeling unwanted occurred when byron noticed their grandmother praising and coddling and favoriting monroe just a bit more.

( his mother was a struggling addict ( and had been her whole life ), but the loneliness, newfound pressures and whatever excuse she was able to name caused her drinking to spiral worse than byron remembered ( even at his young age ) before. )

( his father was rarely in his life, but when he was, he was THE coolest. always played good cop in any situation regarding his mother, despite choosing not to have an active role in byron’s life. byron looked up to him like no other. when he WAS around, he taught byron how to surf, skateboard, play sports, they’d play video games, they’d eat junk food - honestly anything that byron wanted to do. his dad was an adrenaline junkie and created the stepping stones for byron to be one too. he was a marine biologist & pretty successful at that. passionate,  intelligent, but seemingly finding his newfound life a lot better than his previous - which is why he never wanted byron to stay too long, the boy reminded him of her, of the past. )

( his older brother moved out of the house when byron was just a lil kid, they’re not very close and don’t have much in common ... or so it seems. he lives in nyc and they only talk here and there on holidays. he was never a huge part of his life, but it does bum him out to think what could’ve been / could be. )

TO GET THE GIST 

due to never receiving the attention he craved from his family members, he made up for it tenfold in school. he was always talking to everyone, loud, boisterous, gregarious, life of the party; he wanted people to like him and they did. he become a total people pleaser, molding himself to make sure everyone was content and stayed around. impressionable, adaptable. he felt less this way towards adults and had a bit of a rebellious phase, hanging with the wrong crowd & getting into things he probably wouldn’t do otherwise. old habits die hard and he still tries his best to make everyone crack a smile, to remember him - since he believes he won’t be remembered for much else.

after he just barely skated by in high school ( his grades were never as good as his cousin’s and never lived up to his father’s expectations ), byron felt a bit lost. a lot of people had plans, were heading off to college - but already under the assumption he couldn’t reach any expectation in that realm ( a lil self fulfilling prophecy am i right pals ), he stayed in town - caring for his mother who hardly had anything together, his uncle who got sick very quickly & passed, spending time with his grandmother, while he himself fell into a rut. most of his days meant he drove out towards his dad’s place ( dad hardly there now, out and about with his new family ), surfing, smoking, and grabbing some cash doing odd jobs any way he could. he lost any purpose he once had ( but yall would never know it bc who wants to be in someone’s life who’s a buzzkill ? all smiles, baby, all smiles. )

IN WESTMERE

when his cousin offered the opportunity to travel cross-country in his van, byron had nothing to lose. always adventurous in spirit, he immediately said yes - deciding to ignore that ‘obligation,’ that feeling to make sure they were a-ok that he felt towards his parents. he needed an out and this was it. 

after landing in the small connecticut town for the night, the two fell for it - especially since when they got there along the water, it was a summer night + everything landed into place. they decided to stay there a bit longer ... and that eventually turned into more than a year. still antsy to keep traveling and to move around, byron has been ready to head out ... but stays for a few reasons - and them all being people ( bc lbh the surf is not even on point here ok )

his current job is a deckhand ( on a bunch of boats, ppl prob hired him as word of mouth got around that he knew what he was doing ). prob got that knowledge from being by his dad’s on the water when younger ( he’s ... obsessed with the water ) ! and also he’s just a quick learner ok ( ps: if your charrie has a boat pls let’s make somethin happen )

TO KNOW [ headcanons + more ]

his fav karaoke song is sweet caroline bc he knows everyone will be able to sing nd party along. he does it for the ppl, ppl.

he never saw too many baby / kid pics of himself which was kind of a bummer bc he really only remembers negative times - somehow they overpowered ( i bet lil byron was cute as fuck too fml )

he’s super into drugs, hallucinogenics, honestly you name it. it started off w/ him being impressionable, then bored, and now he just enjoys it. despite his mother’s addiction running through his blood, he still continues to do his thang.  

longboards around town so watch your toes

uses 🤙🤙 all the time and not ironically 

has an existential crisis on the daily about purpose but keeps that to himself most times 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone pls give me a sugar mama idc how we plot it out they don’t have to hook up they can idk idc i just want someone giving him money or expensive things it can be so much fun ok ,, pool boy ? idk sign me up

pls if your muse has a boat, let him be the deckhand ok it will also be so fun and potentially angsty if he fucks something up

a fling 100% - even multiple ? idc listen he is currently sharing a tiny VAN with his COUSIN he needs a place - like an actual bed - to crash on at night

can he save someone who was potentially drowning pls??? he used to be a lifeguard, it can be a cool/fun thread to write out

omg off of that can he teach someone how to swim 

look if anyone is into marine bio, can they somehow know byron’s father ?? i feel like that could make room for a cool plot

also i have an older brother connect on the w/c’s page lmk lmk

give me a good influence that will somehow have him open up + tell him that it’s weird to be so sunshiny all the time. maybe someone who witnesses him at his worst + stays, ya know ??

a bad influence plot where y/c takes this impressionable young lad and puts him through the ringer tbh ( srrsly he’d do a lot for ppl, so ask him to do something illegal for them it’ll be fun )

party pals, smoking pals, on the water 24/7 pals, 

co-worker, other ppl that work on the water ( fishermen?? more deckhands?? captains??)

gimmie someone he accidentally bumped into while longboarding ( he’s a large human it might’ve done damage ok )

i want and need enemies ok i know he’s chill as fuck and wants everyone to like him but there’s always a way to find enemies >:o. anything angsty for REAL.

unrequited thing? where he led someone on?? i’m sure he does this constantly

don’t ruin the friendship thing omg plsssss always so fun

look i’m open for it ALL. every plot u have in mind so lay it on me

[priestessamy]

Writers Are the Worst

Okay so my girlfriend has been getting into some writing prompts and crawls and stuff. And she sent me a really cute one. So here we go. It’s a scene about fan fiction writers. There was also a list of random words I had to use. If you know my writing, see if you can guess what they were!

“Can y'all please just focus??” Karen didn't know why she was so surprised. This happened pretty much every time. It was the nature of the beast. You get a bunch of writers together in a voice chat, and inevitably people are going to get sidetracked by a million different ideas. But every week, she held on to some foolish hope that this was the week her patience wouldn't be tested. This was... not that week. “Don't get me wrong, they're all amazing ideas for crossovers. Life is Strange meets Oxenfree. Life is Strange meets Gone Home. Life is Strange meets fucking... fucking Homestuck. I get it. But we agreed to co-write this thing together, and planning other stories right now is a great way to derail everything.”

“Come on, we started this group for lots of reasons! There's nothing wrong with taking five minutes to talk about other stuff we have in the works.” Bless Brandon, the guy tried to be jovial about everything. He did his best to counteract Karen's fury, and he was successful more often than he wasn't. But this was a case of quantity, and it happened all the damn time.

She sighed and gripped the bridge of her nose. Karen was grateful for the fact that this wasn't something happening in person. What a mess, if only everyone could see the visible effect of their nonsense on her mood. “I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it! I'm saying that we have all the rest of the time in the world to sort out our little crack ships and lemons and limes and whatever. This is our hour we set aside to figure out how the hell we're going to put Rachel Amber in the story when everything else we've done has been pretty canon compliant!”

“Pretty sure it stopped being 'canon compliant' the second we set it post-game without sacrificing Bay or Bae.” Fucking Jessika. Did the girl have to push back like that so constantly? Karen just knew that Jess hated her, even if she had no evidence beyond her general tone. “Dontnod obviously lost respect for their story, why should we have any respect for them? I say fuck the canon.”

“You always say 'fuck the canon'. Miss I'm Just Gonna Have Everyone Hooking Up With Everyone.” Okay, she maybe felt a little bit bad about saying that. It was pretty hypocritical to mock 'Life is About Max' when she herself had left myriad comments on it praising the pure fluff of it all. But she was frustrated enough to just start taking pot shots, no matter how immature it might be.

“Ladies, take it easy. Karen, you're the one who just said we don't have time to be talking about other stories. That goes for stuff we've already written too. And Jess, you know full well we started this story before the last chapter had even come out. Let's aim for... canon adjacent and get to it already.”

Yeah. Bless Brandon. The guy did try his best. It wasn't like Karen was the leader of this group or anything, so she was just as guilty of hijacking the conversation at times. But hey, the pendulum was swinging back toward productivity now, so she would take her blessings where she could get them. “You're right, dude. And... sorry, Jess. There's no shame in pulling something a little out of left field. Maybe... Well, there was always that popular theory that Rachel had powers too. Could be that. Or... she could come back at a spirit? Give her and Chloe a proper goodbye, and like... her blessing for Max?”

There was a brief pause before she heard the sound of Jess clearing her throat. “Cunning. Should the others be there too?”

“Pretty sure that's a quick trip to poor Kate having a theological and existential crisis. Which would kind of eat up a lot of real estate,” Brandon mused softly.

Though Karen didn't say anything yet, she had to admit she liked the idea a lot. Thinking about the poor character seeing a literal ghost and freaking out would be prime real estate. Pfft, who's the one getting sidetracked by other story ideas now, idiot? Judge not, lest ye be judged.

“Just the two of them, then. That's fine. We can always give Kate a crisis some other time.” There was a loud yawn from Jess' end of things. “Shit, it's almost dawn. I can already see the sky turning lighter. Should have been in bed hours ago, but you yanks just have to make this work on your schedule, yeah?”

You could practically hear the way Brandon shrugged as he spoke. “Hey, it was a simple matter of being outvoted. Two yanks, one kiwi. Someone was gonna lose, and you got outnumbered. Also, we're number one and the greatest country ever and we'll always win.”

“I give up. I resign from writing. I resign from life. Later losers.” With that, she dropped from the voice chat.

Karen laughed softly to herself, running her fingers through her hair. It was still the middle of the day, lots of time to get some writing done. Or procrastinate. Whatever. “We're a mess...” she muttered softly.

“Yeah, but we're a great mess.”

[pepprs]

[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

[braindamageforbeginners]

Trigger Mechanisms

Post-Cycle 11, 36-ish hours pre-cycle 12

So, a few quick items before moving on. It is Chistmas, after all, and I do have places to be (sort of; I really don’t have to be anywhere until Thursday morning).

1. Apparently, Fearless Leader was on the phone with children last nigh (who thought that was a good idea?), and asked one of them if they still believe in Santa Claus, because “At age 7, it’s still marginal. Enjoy yourself.” One imagines his handlers going from a “thumbs up” at the almost-warm attempt at banter (”Do you believe in Santa Claus?”) back to hyper-damage control. To be fair, there’s no way The Donald could warmly engage other children, since, as far as I can tell, he has never met any, but, still, “Enjoy yourself?” That’s what you shout to your buddies as they continue bar-hopping while you meander home. Which, come to think of it, would explain an awful lot about the last two years’ sluggish, drunken-impulse policy-making.

2, Mayim Bialik, who is now my hero, of “Big Bang Theory” fame posted “ The government is in a shutdown, it’s Christmas Eve day, I’m newly single and not doing so well to be quite honest.” I started this blog because, in the world of cancer survivors, there’s two predominant narratives: the ubermensch who sails through easily, or abject misery. I thought the world needed to know there’s an unfortunate middle ground most of us will be on, of, “This is absolutely horrible, but manageable, with some luck and skill.” Similarly, we live in an age where there are apparently only hyper-successful billionaires who inherited their wealth, and the starving poor. As someone who’s definitely had a nasty year, it’s almost reassuring to see a celebrity admit to the same struggles as everyone else.

3. I woke up this morning with my ankle in severe pain - this isn’t the first time that’s happened to me, I tend to clench up and thrash around in my sleep these days (I’m guessing this is a response to my extremely stressful current life situation). Still, coming on the heels’ of Radiation Oncologists’ observation that there are two new little stars in my MRI, it’s enough to drive one to drink before 10 am (again, I realize we don’t get credit for what we don’t do, but I still think humans deserve some kind of recognition for pretending to be almost-responsible near-adults and not breaking into the Schnapps before noon). I guess I’ll have to add “ankle pain” to the list of “Things That Make Me Berserk.” And then I got cold again (it’s cold out today), which, just a few years ago, “stiff joints upon waking” and “slightly cold” would’ve been complaints I shrugged off with, “That’s winter.” Nowadays, it’s enough to go from “softly slumbering” to “full-out, near-panic existential crisis” in ten minutes. If you find yourself in such a situation where you have to fake joviality and cheer soon, a large, fuzzy dog helps. Brandy might also help, but I’d only recommend that if Brandy is a 19-year-old community college student earning her tuition at a sleazy massage parlor. What?! It’s the holidays, if ever there was a time for a good R-rated joke, it’s now, especially since that sort of distractionary coping mechanism is one of the few consistent (and relatively healthy) strategies still open to me. Broke, single, terrified (like Ms. Bialik), but not not drunk or stoned in immediate response. Go me!

4. It also occurred to me, while writing that tasteless joke, that, like Jesus, the President also likes hanging around sex workers (tax collectors and lepers, not so much). Admittedly, I suspect they have dramatically different goals in mind, but I think it’s worth noting the first time I started understanding the man’s appeal to the Christian Right - he’s the Jesus they want to believe in, a man who, when granted great authority or power, abuses it and exploits people. Still, I do wish to note that it’s delightful that the man who promised to “end the war on Christmas” is telling seven-year-olds to “enjoy themselves,” instead of “happy holidays” or even “Merry Christmas.”

[misakishishido]

Project #3 - Android/Clone (Teaser)

Hello hello :D

I hope everyone has seen my Project #1 post prior to this but if not, please do so here, as I won’t go through most, if not all, of what I’ve said over there haha. Sorry for being lazy. 

Anyways. This is the third ‘project’ from my long lost document of drafts I had prepared in the past for WMatsui that I have decided to revive especially when I think it’s well... sort of a waste to never publish it. I spent quite a lot of time on this back then and what you will be seeing is pretty much a part of the actual first chapter of the story. 

Moreover, I decided to revive this project in conjunction with the release of the Playstation 4 game Detroit:Become Human. Seems like a good time to put this out there especially if you readers out there have actually played the game and loved the whole android plot though I highly doubt mine will be that much related to existential crisis nor the state of the world in the near future and whether having androids is a good or bad idea.

Then again mine’s more on cloning so... I dunno why I just HAD to mention the game. Oh well~

This is basically, tl;dr, a love story for mainly JuriSaku *laughs*, so no deep stuff. I hope. Maybe sprinkles of it, who knows? :v Also note how I say mainly ‘cuz there may be other ships in this thing with Sayanee relevant in it hehehe.

Okay, I think I’ve said my piece. Again, it’d be great if you all can let me know which project you’d like to read as a priority so I can be a lot more focused on one than splitting my attention to all three and screwing things up in the process >< 

Hope you enjoy this little teaser! 

“I’m back.”

“Welcome back, Jurina dear.”

Matsui Jurina, an adolescent who had just started her first year of high school who sported striking red frame glasses that protected her cool black, but slightly lifeless, orbs, shrugged off her backpack which made a soft thump onto the floor as she swiftly took off her shoes and handed her mother a folder.

“Got my results. Straight As as promised.”

Her mother flipped open the folder and read through Jurina’s results, smiling at what her daughter had produced and gave her a loving pat on the head.

“Well done, Jurina dear. I’m sure your father would be proud of—“

“Don’t bother telling him. As if he cares about me anyways,” Jurina quickly grabbed her bag that was still lying near the entrance and walked past her mother when suddenly her mother grabbed her by the hand, stopping her daughter in her tracks.

“Jurina… about your father. He has something urgent to tell you at the lab. Please go see him.”

Jurina, as bright as she is, noticed her mother’s eyes turning slightly reddish as if she was holding back her tears. She knew straight away it was not going to be good news. She sighed and just gave a quick nod to her mother before heading towards her father’s lab which was in the basement of her bungalow.

She used to be close with her father until one day he got too immersed with his research that he began neglecting both his wife and daughter and had always stayed cooped up within his laboratory with a few of his assistants that would come every day but leave every evening. It all started when his thesis for cloning was recognised by the government and not only he got a status in society because of that, but he also got more and more projects relating to cloning research by the government which made his life rather hectic, hence causing a rift between his wife and daughter.

Jurina’s mother was more understanding but Jurina, being the only child of the family, wanted to feel even more loved deep down, and acknowledged by her father. After all, when she was asked to write about what she wanted to be when she grows up when she was still a kid, she had made being a scientist her first choice due to how cool she thought her father was and then a teacher as her second choice since she liked teaching people things that they were having difficulty with. She used good academic records as an attempt to impress her father but to no avail. He used to praise her back in what, kindergarten? And it all ended after that.

At the lab, she could see all of her father’s assistants busy with their work. Some were running around from machine to machine, some were busy at their own ‘station’ tapping away on the keyboards before them and some were busy asking one another questions, obviously relating to the experiment at hand.

It was just another normal day for Matsui Jurina’s father, Matsui Junichiro, a man who has the status of a world renowned scientist. Jurina, despite her strained feelings towards her father, would always be in awe whenever she stepped into his lab. It wasn’t every house that had a huge laboratory with huge machines or capsules that could fit people in their basement. Sure, she was thankful she was living in such a special home provided by the government but… she still wanted that one single element that her father had not given her expressly in a long time.

Jurina felt a pair of eyes which noticed her presence in the busy room and quickly nudged the head of the experiment that was in front of him. Jurina’s father turned around abruptly and gave Jurina a stern look, a look that would always make Jurina clench her fists involuntarily. Don’t give me that look… stupid dad…

“Jurina. You’re here.”

“What do you want?” Jurina shot back, returning the look that her father is giving her but the latter did not pay his daughter’s current attitude to mind and just closed his eyes calmly.

“You will be leaving this house for the course of six years and will be studying in UK.”

The adolescent could not believe what she just heard, “W-What did you just—“

“Your aunt has already been notified and you will be staying with her,” Jurina’s father turned his back on his daughter after finishing his piece.

“O-Oi! You just blurt all that without telling me a good reason why?!” Jurina exclaimed.

“This project… was personally asked by a government councilman, as well as my best friend,” he looked over his shoulder with cold eyes, “It required your DNA. And the clone to be produced would be you, six years earlier.”

“Y-You’re cloning… me…?”

“And as such, there could not be two Matsui Jurina living under the same roof. Especially when this project is for a ‘patient’ suffering from anthropophobia.”

Fear of people… “Why me and not someone else?!” Jurina pressed on.

“Because when you were ten, you were quite the Good Samaritan. Many have learned good qualities from you and adored you as a perfect example. An angel. My only daughter too, of course,” he turned back to face his daughter once more, “… Henceforth, you are perfect for this experiment.”

“That wasn’t even a good explanation darn it!” Jurina felt like wanting to storm out of the lab immediately after giving her father a few punches but held it in, inevitably bursting into tears in the process.

The man did not budge but instead, handed Jurina an iPad that an assistant quickly handed to him after he had subtly nodded. Jurina bit her lips, looking into the screen and a video footage of a young girl was shown. She assumed she was about six and felt chills down her spine when the footage showed how violently she acted in front of a group of people who tried to approach her, which included footage outside of her home and inside, where it seemed like a family gathering. Another footage showed how she was in her room. She would be at a certain corner of her room with the lights off, hugging her legs without doing anything, just, sitting there. Her parents enter her room periodically and individually. Fortunately, she does not retaliate violently and acts rather lifelessly when her mother feeds her or cleans her up.

Jurina pitied the poor girl. Just what happened to her that made her this way?

“The patient’s name is Miyawaki Sakura. She had been diagnosed with that phobia after being kidnapped once. I heard they were child rapists. But her father, being a councilman, managed to cover up the story and prevented any leakage of the story being published on the media. The men have been jailed but the horrifying experience she had to go through remains,” Jurina’s father began explaining after the video repeated itself.

“It would explain as much then…” Jurina’s sympathies for the girl managed to overwhelm her anger and frustration towards her father. 

If cloning me would help her and give her a brighter future… I would definitely sacrifice myself... even if it’s for someone I don’t know… but that’s what I would have thought as the ‘me’ from years ago... now I......

“You do understand the situation now then?”

Jurina looked upwards into her father’s eyes before looking away, having mixed feelings circling around within her, “… When am I leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning,” he handed the iPad to an assistant who just passed by him, “Your contribution would help society and change the life of this girl if everything is successful. You do realize that, don’t you?”

Jurina ignored his question and turned around, facing the exit, “… I hope your experiment succeeds. Goodbye… Father,” and she left, taking big steps towards the door.

“… Sir, weren’t you a bit too direct with your daughter just now…?” A female assistant squeaked when she approached him. She had heard everything, working rather close to where the father and daughter were conversing a moment ago.

“A scientist must let go of his emotions and attachments if he wants to succeed. Do not pester me with insignificant familial issues. Get back to work!” He glared at the woman and she quickly bowed apologetically and returned to her ‘station’. Jurina’s father massaged his temple and felt a burning sensation starting in his eyes. 

There is no time for tears. This project must succeed.

[patriotsnet]

What Have Republicans Done For Blacks

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-have-republicans-done-for-blacks/

What Have Republicans Done For Blacks

Yes We Wrote And Signed The Violent Control And Law Enforement Act In 1994

ESPN host: Black people should vote for GOP

Essentially creating the prison industrial complex we have today. Joe Biden wrote the bill in the Senate, and a Democrat from Texas wrote it for the house, Jack Brooks. This bill included some good things, like the Violence against Women Act, but it eliminated education for inmates, added 60 new death penalty statutes, codified a three strikes policy, and put millions of more people in jail.

Why Republicans Do Better Than Democrats For Black Americans

Over the past month, our country has taken extra time to honor the many contributions of heroic black Americans who, through their patriotism and perseverance over the years have triumphed over injustice and enriched every aspect of our lives. But while the commemoration of Black History Month might be winding down, Republicans will continue our efforts to engage with black voters and communities of color across the country.

We are taking the old aphorism of you will not win votes you do not ask for to heart. Under the strong leadership of President TrumpDonald TrumpUN meeting with US, France canceled over scheduling issueTrump sues NYT, Mary Trump over story on tax historyMcConnell, Shelby offer government funding bill without debt ceilingMORE, our party is fighting for every single vote just like he fights for all Americans with his policies. Just this week, the Republican National Committee has opened more than a dozen new Trump Victory Committee field offices within the heart of historically Democratic and predominantly black neighborhoods.

Spread across seven key battleground states all over the country, in such cities from Cleveland to Charlotte and Milwaukee to Miami, the new field offices will help the Republican Party outreach in these communities and build on the growing support that this president now has among many black Americans by highlighting how his policies are uplifting the black community and making a positive difference in the lives of all Americans.

Younger And Older Republicans Diverge

On both perceptions of discrimination and favorability measures, Americans views seem to be shaped more by partisanship than age, race or gender. So, Republicans men and women generally see discrimination in similar ways and view the same groups favorably or unfavorably. So do black and white Democrats. A helpful illustration of the partisan dynamics is that a greater share of Democratic men than Republican women thought that women in the U.S. face high levels of discrimination.

But there is a big GOP split on age. Republicans under the age of 45 were more likely to say that they saw high levels of discrimination than those over 45. And that cuts across the traditional divisions younger Republicans saw more discrimination than older Republicans against blacks and against whites . In the wake of Floyds death, a clear majority of Republicans under 45 thought there was a lot of discrimination in America against black people. The over-45 GOP cohort did not share that view.8

Older Republicans were much more likely than younger Republicans to say that they had negative views of undocumented immigrants and Muslims.9

More of the younger Republicans see discrimination

Percentage of respondents who said each group experiences a great deal or a lot of discrimination, by age category

Group

Survey conducted from May 28 to June 3.

Also Check: What Is Donald Trump A Republican Or Democrat

Brainwashed Blacks Racist White Republicans Are Primary Enemies Of Black People

Were in the midst of a horrific pandemic and a toxic political season that seems to have uncovered old racial wounds. One problem in particular is Black people who are brainwashed into misusing facts to trick other Blacks to believe that todays Republican Party is more favorable. I beg to differ.

Once upon a time, Black lives really mattered to white slaveholders regardless of political party. Nowadays, we Black people must absolutely align ourselves with those who clearly demonstrate that our lives, our votes and our issues matter. To do otherwise would be akin to being enslaved again.

The article written by Mr. Tyrone Jones a few weeks ago necessitated this very serious response. Young blacks need to know the real facts as they pertain to the current time much more so than the past. That is the goal of my response . Thank you for giving me the opportunity to set the record straight.

Political Opinions Versus Honest Facts

A recent opinion article entitled Young Blacks need the facts exposed how some brainwashed Black people try to cleverly brainwash other Black people for political gain. The article tries to glorify the Republican Party and demonize the Democratic Party.

Nevertheless, when it comes to looking out for the best interest of Black people, the history of both political parties is questionable. Overall, it is a well-established fact that Black people have no permanent enemies and no permanent friends; just permanent interests.

John E. Jones

What Is Happening To The Republicans

In becoming the party of Trump, the G.O.P. confronts the kind of existential crisis that has destroyed American parties in;the past.

Save this story for later.

Save this story for later.

Content

But, for all the anxiety among Republican leaders, Goldwater prevailed, securing the nomination at the Partys convention, in San Francisco. In his speech to the delegates, he made no pretense of his ideological intent. Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice, he said. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. Goldwaters crusade failed in November of 1964, when the incumbent, Lyndon Johnson, who had become President a year earlier, after Kennedys assassination, won in a landslide: four hundred and eighty-six to fifty-two votes in the Electoral College. Nevertheless, Goldwaters ascent was a harbinger of the future shape of the Republican Party. He represented an emerging nexus between white conservatives in the West and in the South, where five states voted for him over Johnson.

Shopping

agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which find a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions.

Read Also: Did Trump Say Republicans Are Stupid

Us Election : Why Trump Gained Support Among Minorities

Despite his election defeat, President Donald Trump can boast a success that has intrigued pollsters – he was more popular with ethnic minority voters than in 2016.

Some might find this surprising given that his critics so accused him of racism and Islamophobia. Trump denies the charges and has accused Democrats of taking African Americans voters for granted.

The Republican president gained six percentage points among black men, and five percentage points among Hispanic women. It means some voters changed their minds, after either not voting or voting for another candidate in 2016.

But it tells us something about Trump’s unique appeal.

“I was definitely more liberal growing up – my grandmother was big in the civil rights movement here in Texas during the 60s, and I grew up with that ideology.”

Mateo Mokarzel, 40, is a graduate student from Houston, Texas and is of mixed heritage, Mexican and Lebanese. He didn’t vote in 2016, and he isn’t loyal to either major party – but this time around he decided to cast his vote for the Republicans.

“The first time Trump ran I really wasn’t convinced. I just thought, here’s this celebrity talk-show host guy that wants to run for president, I didn’t take him seriously – so I was not a Trump supporter the first time he ran. To be honest, I thought he was a ringer for Hillary, so I just wasn’t interested,” he tells BBC News.

But Mokarzel says his upbringing in Texas influenced his view of both political parties.

No Trump Didnt Win The Largest Share Of Non

President George W. Bush.

At his;post-election press conference, President Trump said of his presidential campaign, I won the largest share of non-white voters of any Republican in 60 years. While Trump did improve on his performance with minorities in 2020 vs. 2016, according to exit polls, the previous Republican presidentGeorge W. Bushdid significantly better in 2004.

Don’t Miss: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

What Republicans Have Done For Blacks And Women A Quick History Lesson

Are looking for a quick roundupof all the things Republicans have done for Blacks and Women? How about something that also includes a look at all the things Democrats;have done to blacks and women?

How about what Democrats have done to prevent them from having the same rights and liberties as the rest of us?

Carol Swain from the James Madison Society at Princeton University and a;former Vanderbilt Professor of Political Science has what you need. It is a quick synopsis of how the Republican Party was responsible for every advancement for minorities and women in U.S. historyand remains the champion of equality to this day.

This is good stuff. Useful ammunition when confronted by ignorant Democrats who call you a racist bigot. Make time to watch or listen.

What Its Like To Be A Black Republican In 2020

GOP lawmaker has message for Congressional Black Caucus shutting him out

by Corey D. Fields, author of Black Elephants in the Room: The Unexpected Politics of African American Republicans

The 2020 Republican National Convention featured a diverse line-up of speakers, including many Black speakers who trumpeted the Republican Party and its presidential nominee Donald Trump. Unsurprisingly, these speakers received a mixed response. Some questioned whether this outreach would be effective with black voters. Others thought the efforts were thinly veiled attempts to convince white voters that the party wasnt racist. Either way, the convention was yet another reflection of how the face of Black conservatives has shifted under the Trump administration. Diamond and Silk have replaced Mia Love. Sheriff David Clarke is more relevant than General Colin Powell. Candace Owens has supplanted Condoleezza Rice. Internet celebrities have taken the place of the legislators, military leaders, and judges who used to stand in as the face of Black Republicans.

The selection of these speakers and the response to them reflects many of the themes I found in my own research on Black Republicans for my book, Black Elephants in the Room. In particular, two related phenomena frequently mentioned by the people I studied help make sense of the reaction to this years convention speakers: the sellout critique and the skeptical embrace.

This, of course, only heightens the intensity of the sellout critique.

Recommended Reading: Democrat And Republican Switch Platforms

Nah Southern Strategy Is More Recent And Is Part Of The Reason Its Ok For Benedict Donald

… to say what he’s been saying in the M$M’s eyes seeing the gop has been saying a lighter version of it for since RayGun .

Here’s what I’ve read.Don’t know if it’s right or wrong.Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation because he and his generals thought this would spark a massive slave rebellion.From Lincoln’s Speech, Sept. 18, 1858. “While I was at the hotel to-day, an elderly gentleman called upon me to know whether I was really in favor of producing a perfect equality between the negroes and white people. While I had not proposed to myself on this occasion to say much on that subject, yet as the question was asked me I thought I would occupy perhaps five minutes in saying something in regard to it. I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the black and white races — that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making VOTERS or jurors of negroes, NOR OF QUALIFYING THEM HOLD OFFICE, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any of her man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”

After The Civil War Democrats Continued To Fight Against Equality For Blacks

For 100 years the democrats staged a rear guard action seeking to keep blacks subservient and doing their bidding.

They passed laws to limit black peoples ability to vote, to sit on the front of the bus, to own land, to rent apartments, to go to the same schools and many other things.

If anyone owes black people reparations it is these democrats.

Given this history of democrats it is stunning that the Democratic Party continues to exist. Shouldnt it be disbanded? We are tearing down statues, removing names of historically racist people and institutions so why not destroy the Democratic Party? It is slavery and was the principal advocate of slavery. They also were heavily involved in passing racist laws, hanging blacks and many republicans who opposed the democrats.

Why would anyone want to be part of a party that was historically so critical and central to the whole effort to enslave and repress blacks?

People have a tendency not to be partisan and to label this as white Americans that did this but it was the Democrats. Republicans were the ones fighting it. If not for those republicans the black people in America would never have been freed or gotten voting rights or many other things that had to be fought. Many white republicans were killed by democrats even after the end of the civil war who were called sympathizers.

Again, why doesnt this basic fact that is indisputable matter?

Those blacks who could vote between 1860 and 1969 voted for republicans.

You May Like: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

What Happened In 1969

The war in Vietnam came to a head. The democrats under Kennedy had gotten us into the war and then after Kennedy was killed President Johnson continued and grew our presence in Vietnam.

Peoples opposition to the war became the focus of the democrat party and the emotional democrats became the protagonists for eliminating the policies that kept blacks in the back of the bus as well as free love and marijuana.

I was young at the time and this is the Democratic Party i remember which were opposed to real things. There was a war in vietnam. People were dying. There was segregation.

Republicans didnt resist outlawing segregation. The resistance was focused on the remaining segregationists in the Democratic Party. Strom Thurmond a democrat from the south fillibustered the passage of the civil rights act.

In 1968 the democrats held a national convention. This convention devolved into riots and was the watershed for racism and the Democratic Party. The racists were ejected from the Democratic Party ostensibly.

Democrats today claim that in 1969 what happened is that the racists in the Democratic Party moved to the Republican Party.

There is no evidence of this. Storm Thurmond, Robert Byrd never switched parties. Robert Byrd a former KKK leader stayed a democrat until he retired from the senate in 2010. Biden called Byrd a mentor.

Biden was one of the most outspoken opponents of busing.

None of that is true.

If you arent a democrat then they dont want you in the identity group.

Numerous Republicans Outperformed Trump With Hispanics & Asians

Now, lets turn to Hispanics and Asians. As you can see below, both Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush bested Trumps share of the Latino vote in 2016 and 2020 .;

George H.W. Bush won the Asian vote in 1992, 55%31%.

FREOPP.org

Trumps performance with Asians in 2020, at 32%, is actually the third-worst ever recorded, only ahead of his own showing in 2016 and Mitt Romneys in 2012 . Indeed, George H.W. Bush actually won the Asian vote in 1992,;55-31, as did Bob Dole in 1996 . The Bush-Dole margins might have been higher, had Ross Perot not ran as an independent in 1992 and 1996.

You May Like: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

Rick Woodoctober 01 2015

John: I noticed that too, and I agree. So Kelvin’s argument in that respect isn’t persuasive. But Sherri is on to something, isn’t she? And I have a feeling Kelvin starts from the same point. White men in this country enjoy privileges we didn’t earn. We’re not giving them back or turning them down, and no one is asking for that. But a little empathy towards others is in order. On the empathy scale, I’d say Democrats beat Republicans, hence blacks and women do tend to be and vote Democratic. A good question is why that empathy difference among while make Democrats and white male Republicans exist. There are certainly more white males in the Republican Party, but that doesn’t explain why.

Bob Livesayoctober 04 2015

Simple. Districts are broken down by population. Democratric districts in and around big cities are over whelmingly Dems. They skew the vote total big time in favor of Democrats. Republican districts are bigger in area size but do not have an overwhelimingly Rep vote. So you get a skewed imbalance on vote total but not districts. My advise is have the Dems move to rural area. Oh, I forgot they then would vote Republican.

Read Also: Can The Democrats Stop Trump

Political Parties And A Complicated History With Race

Black people who could vote tended to support the Republican Party from the 1860s to about the mid-1930s. There were push-and-pull aspects to this. Republicans pledged to protect voting rights.;African Americans viewed the party as the only vessel for their goals: Frederick Douglass said, The Republican Party is the ship; all else is the sea.

And the sea was perilous. The Democratic Party for most of the 19th century was a white supremacist organization that gave no welcome to Black Americans. A conservative group of politicians known as the Bourbons controlled Southern Democratic parties. For instance, well into the 20th century, the official name of Alabamas dominant organization was the Democratic and Conservative Party of Alabama.

Fact check:U.S. didn’t reject an earlier version of Statue of Liberty that honored slaves

The Bourbons called their Republican opponents radicals, whether they warranted the label or not, Masur said.

The Democrats were often called conservative and embraced that label, she said. Many of them were conservative in the sense that they wanted things to be like they were in the past, especially as far as race was concerned.

In consequence of this intolerance, colored men are forced to vote for the candidate of the Republican Party, however objectionable to them some of these candidates may be, unless they are prevented from doing so by violence and intimidation, he said.

[onestowatch]

Q&A: Homeshake Talks Touring With Mac DeMarco, His Love for Migos, & Has an Existential Crisis

Peter Sagar, more popularly known as Homeshake, found his first bout of success as the guitarist for Mac DeMarco. But success was never what Sagar was in search of. Rather, the Canadian artist wished to pursue solitude, a sentiment that bleeds out in his airy, downtempo R&B. Having since left Mac DeMarco some time ago to fully invest himself in his Homeshake project–with no ill feelings, as the two regularly hang out when they find themselves in the same city– Sagar rarely tours despite his rapidly growing cult-like fanbase. In many ways, Sagar’s own fans embody the same frenzy that came to be associated with DeMarco’s live shows, but Sagar is the one in control now. His latest album the critically-acclaimed Fresh Air, is the culmination of that complete creative freedom.

A Homeshake show is a rare sighting, and much like the rarest of sightings, it is not be missed. His most recent show saw him play The Natural History Museum in Los Angeles, to an audience of avid fans, taxidermy dioramas, and prehistoric fossils. An odd venue for music by all accounts, but an all too fitting one for Sagar. Homeshake’s otherworldly music, often amplified by his penchant for vocal modulation, feels as if it’s perfectly designed for unique moments such as these. So, as I sat down to speak with the reclusive artist, adorned in a Sade shirt, I was introduced to an entirely new Homeshake than what I had come to expect. Instead, I learned of a Homeshake who was quick to express his love for pop and trap and who had come to find joy in making music entirely on his own terms.  

OTW: Any plans while you’re in town?

Sagar: Um, I got a lot of friends that live out here.  

OTW: Yeah, you have Mac out here, right?

Sagar: Mhm, yep. We had tacos with him last night.  

OTW: So, speaking of this whole set up. Pretty cool venue to play, right?

Sagar: Yeah, I like it. I really like this kind of museum, there’s one in Edmonton, and I used to always love it. I loved going there on school trips. Specifically, I liked the animal dioramas with all the weird … what’s it called? What is this stuff? Dead animal stuff?

OTW: Taxidermy?  

Sagar: Taxidermy! Yeah, all the taxidermy displays. So sweet.

OTW: Yeah, I used to go on school trips here a lot growing up. Have you played any cooler venues?

Sagar: I don’t know. All the venues, all the memories disappear.  

OTW: I want to say that I love all of your album artwork and everything that’s associated with it. I’m very embarrassed, but I’m wearing one of your shirts right now. My girlfriend gave me so much shit when I was leaving the house. I know your partner Salina does all your artwork. How does that collaboration come about?  

Sagar: Well, it just worked out very well because we’ve been together for like nine years. She started helping me make covers and stuff while we were still living in Edmonton, and a couple of times I would tell her an idea of what I thought looked good, but that never worked out well. So, I generally just let her do whatever she wants. It’s the best way. It’s the best way to just let Salina do whatever she wants, and it will be amazing.  

OTW: And does she just listen to the album and go from there?  

Sagar: I think so! She asks me if I have any ideas and I’m like, “No, we’re not going there. You can just figure it out.” And then it’s always perfect.

OTW: So, in the early days when you were first releasing music as Homeshake, you were still touring with Mac right? Was there a turning point when you decided that you wanted to fully devote yourself to Homeshake?

Sagar: Yeah, I was just in a very dark place and it was sort of just a never-ending tour schedule. Then trying to balance that and Homeshake and my relationship, it was just impossible. So, one had to go, so I choose Salina and myself.  

OTW: That was a good choice.

Sagar: Yeah, I think so. It worked out well.

OTW: So, now that with each new release you're growing a similar cult following. Do you ever worry about not being able to balance everything?

Sagar: No, I’m in control now. So, things only happen as I want them to. The difficulty with Mac was just that I had no control really because everyone else was down for everything, and I wasn’t going to be the wet blanket all the time. I still was. Now I just choose everything, so that’s why we tour so little.  

OTW: So, you’re originally from Edmonton, but then moved to Montreal and that’s where you adopted the name Homeshake. I saw that you just let go of all your other projects at that point. What were the earliest days of Homeshake like?

Sagar: We lived in a really small apartment in Montreal, and it wasn’t even cheap enough for how small it was, it was so shitty. We were there for like two years out of just laziness. I would make stuff on some really, really bad gear in my living room, and then I recorded some stuff in Mac’s living room. I recorded some stuff in a studio that I ended up renting and rehearsing at for a long time. It was just like slow, because I would be working on it and then suddenly have to go on tour for like seven months. So yeah, everything just took a long time.

OTW: What is the creative industry like in Montreal, as opposed to places like Los Angeles?  

Sagar: I mean, I don’t really know what it’s like here. It’s like all famous people, right? Everybody is famous? Every person in LA is famous?

OTW: Every single one. Yeah, just in this lobby alone. (laughs)

Sagar: (laughs) In Montreal the majority of it varies from neighborhood to neighborhood. Like there’s a lot of intense punk kids, but I don’t go there. But most of the musicians I know are DJs, everyone’s a fucking DJ in Montreal, and that’s fine. But yeah, it’s a lot of parties and a lot of raves, and I don’t participate in any of it all.

OTW: Not a big raver?

Sagar: No, I like dance music a lot. I like electronic music, but I don’t participate. I don’t know what Montreal is like anymore, I checked out. Not interested, really.

OTW: Speaking on your own music, it’s obviously very R&B driven which seems so different from your influences, well you have a lot of influences, but you like top 40s, trap, Migos…

Sagar: Mmm yeah, I love Migos.

OTW: Yeah, Migos are amazing. Have you always loved R&B, or did that come at a certain point?

Sagar: I wasn’t into it when I was younger, but when I was a kid, like the late 90s, early 2000s, I would watch everything that was on MTV, and like 80% of the music videos were R&B. So, I knew all the songs, and it was kind of like a guilty thing. I liked guitars, and I thought those were cool. So, I was wrong obviously (laughs). So that stuff was always kind of like inside my brain. And then it was actually Salina that kind of drew it out of me because she has a very encyclopedic knowledge of ‘90s R&B. It takes her a long time to remember whatever it is, but she always knows the song. It’s all her. I just steal the things she likes. (laughs)

OTW: So, speaking of Fresh Air, I read that name for the album came from smoking weed and just stepping out onto the balcony for fresh air. I wasn’t sure if that serious or not…

Sagar: Yeah.

OTW: Are there any other inspirations behind Fresh Air besides just good weed?

Sagar: (laughs) I don’t know, they all kind of have something. Most of the songs are pretty specific. I would have to look at a list of them and think about it for a really long time.

OTW: One thing that I really like about your music is what I’m guessing is vocal modulation. Particularly, the ones that kick off each album. They remind me of those rap skits from old hip-hop albums for. Where did that come from?  

Sagar: I don’t know, I just like sped-up and slowed-down voices. I used to record everything on cassette. And I would just always slow it down, speed it up. The regular speed is really boring. Yeah, I love high voices and low voices. I think they are kind of funny and kind of scary. So yeah, I’m not sure where I lifted it from. I just used to listen to a lot of screw tapes, so that probably gave me the idea. It’s certainly not an original idea by any means.

OTW: Well, you do it well for sure.

Sagar: (laughs) Thank you.

OTW: I also wanted to talk about how outspoken you are about political issues. As an artist with a platform, do you feel there’s a certain responsibility to be as outspoken?  

Sagar: Yeah, like I’m no expert. I don’t know all the details. You know, we are all stuck in the infinite scroll looking at headlines, but then you have to keep scrolling. It’s also like inescapable shit, so I kind of slowed down on it because it was such a constant inundating flow of information. It just feels like white noise at this point. Yeah, you kind of have to make your opinions clear, because what if I never did and then a bunch of Nazis liked me? That’s my fucking nightmare. So, I did an interview that came out at the beginning of Fresh Air and some of it was about how I got into some arguments online with some fucking alt-right losers that had previously liked my music, but now no longer do and that was good. It’s good to shed the trash from your life.  

OTW: Do you think you’d ever make a protest song or anything along those lines?

Sagar: No. (laughs) I can only sing about myself being like a sad loser. I could never take on real issues like that.

OTW: Do you have any favorite protest songs or albums?

Sagar: My favorite band until I was like seventeen was Rage Against The Machine. The other day we were in Texas, and I just was craving Rage Against The Machine, so we listened to some on the way back to the venue and had it at full blast as we pulled up in front, like cutting through the line of kids outside. It was kind of embarrassing, but it was amazing.

OTW: Such a good time.

Sagar: God, I love them.  

OTW: I mean, hopefully, they’ll come back one day soon.

Sagar: Yeah, Tom Morello is the greatest guitarist of all time.

OTW: So, I have definitely used a lot of your songs for mix tapes for friends and it definitely got me a girlfriend or two I’d say, so thank you for that. It just has such a vibe to it. What would you say is the ideal setting to listen to your music in?

Sagar: Just a relaxing one for whoever is listening to it. The place where I can write from is wherever I’m most relaxed and calm. That’s, I guess, why I don’t make like weird, screechy, angsty music or anything. I like comfort and solitude. So that’s probably what it would lend itself to the best.

OTW: And is your songwriting typically one of solitude?

Sagar: Yeah, I haven’t collaborated with anyone in a long time. I had for the three records I put out. I had guys running the board and helping me mix and stuff, but I write alone. I don’t remember what it’s like to collaborate with people. I’ve been trying to do that lately, and it’s been a real struggle. It’s like, “I don’t know what you want.” (laughs) I’m just really selfish. I was trying to produce for some people, just passing some things around, but I never want to give out the ones I really like, I want to keep it for myself. Yeah, very alone in it.

OTW: Just a sad lonely boy.

Sagar: (laughs) Yeah, something lame like that.

OTW: So, I know you’ve mentioned Fresh Air existing as part of a trilogy, with the first albums being the first parts of the trilogy, but there is still more Homeshake to come right?

Sagar: Oh yeah, I’m always working on more stuff. I was recording up until the day we came here, in between the Texas tour and before that. One of my most essential music machines at the moments is really on the fritz, and I think I have to like ship it back to its maker to get it fixed, so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do for like three weeks while that’s happening. It’s freaking me out.  

OTW: So, what’s the plan to make music until then? 

Sagar: Oh, I don’t know, I’ll just have to use something else to make it. I just won’t be able to use my sampler drum machine which is the core of what I’m working on right now. I don’t know, I guess I’ll just make ambient music until it gets back.

OTW: I heard at one point you did want to make a droney ambient project.

Sagar: Yeah, I like that but when I try I don’t think I’m very good at it. There’s a real textural ASMR thing to that, and I need to work on it.  

OTW: Who are your Ones To Watch?

Sagar: One is definitely Un Blonde from Montreal. They’re very, very, very spectacular. Let me just scroll through the old music thing here. Yeah, he’s an amazing songwriter, Jean who’s like the center of that project. Oh God, I only listen to like super pop music these days (laughs). I really like Yves Tumor, I don’t know how small he is, but he should be bigger. He makes spooky, weird shit that I like a lot. Mmm, I know I’ve got friends.  

OTW: Anyone in the band make music? 

Sagar: Yeah! Brad is the lead-guitarist in another band called Nap Eyes. I feel bad because they’re on tour without him in Europe right now, but he’s here with us. So definitely shout out to Nap Eyes because I just took their fucking guitar player. Greg used to play drums for a lot of bands, but he moved from Montreal to the woods in BC now. I don’t know. I’ve totally isolated myself from everybody around me in Montreal, so I don’t even know what any of them are doing anymore. Oh God, very crazy reality check.  

OTW: Having an existential crisis right now?

Sagar: (laughs) Yeah, a little bit. I don’t know, I do like a monthly NTS show where I put all the weird stuff that I like. So, my ones to watch are whoever I played on it that last month.

OTW: Oh one quick last question. What’s your favorite dinosaur? 

Sagar: Brontasaurses. I’ve always loved the absolutely massive ones.

[rafat]

Patience: The Radical New Business Model

Skift is turning six. Of all the achievements anyone can ask of a company from its infancy, staying power — mere survival — is the toughest of them. Let no one tell you otherwise. Make it a media startup in an age of existential crisis in media all around, and you’ve created the biggest odds against yourself right from the start.

Six years into the serpentine journey of building Skift — 2,191 days after launch — we are still here and intend to be here for a long, long time.

Longevity is not top-of-mind for many founders just starting out. Certainly, having a legacy is even further off the map. But there are certain catalysts that move you toward that realization as a founder, and I had mine about halfway into the six-year journey.

My son was born in early 2015, right about the time when the company I founded three years prior was growing out of its early-stage, survival-at-all-costs phase. Clichéd as it may sound — because everyone who has ever been a parent tells you so — the new life in my life ended up changing everything about my outlook on, well, life and business.

As I started thinking about this new life we had to take care of, I started thinking about the values I would love our son to grow up with, and that would have to start with us parents teaching him what we held dear, the values we got from our parents as we grew up.

The biggest one I kept thinking about and finally honed in on was patience. In the on-demand world of instant gratification we all live in now, patience — in intent, in living, in outlook on life — is becoming a rarer and rarer life skill, incredibly. And make no mistake, it certainly is a life skill.

Having grown up in socialist India in the 1980s, the precursor to learning patience, frustration, was not a bug in the system. It was the feature of how everyday life worked. Anything and everything was a wait. It was a wait with lots and lots of people in line with you, and that was if there was enough civic value in us to form a line in the first place. India breaks you down if you come in with Western notions of efficiency, a clean logical version of input versus output of effort. If you grew up there, like I did, it builds you up with an ingrained sense of equanimity about everything.

The daily knocks on your inner resolve to not give up, on your self-esteem, on making do with what you have, taught us patience. It taught us the long view, that in the end everything will work out if you just keep at it. All is well in the end. If not, it’s not the end.

That is the life skill I want to teach my now-pre-schooler-and-already-impatient son. “Le pause,” the great way French parents teach their kids patience. Pausing before rushing in. As simple as that.

It is the value I have brought to the company I started and I am building now along with the Skift team.

Not raising lots of money, and deciding not to raise any money beyond seed and building our own way, has given us patience. Patience gives us the ability to block out the extraneous noise and buzz of the startup ecosystem, and focus on building the products and brands that matter.

Think it through, slow down a bit. Go slow to go fast, a philosophy we adopted in 2015. I wrote this in that memo: “This is the new Skift operating principle — both in our work and culture — that we want to embody going forward.

Doing less with more is the new doing more with less.

Going slow to go fast is the new scaling up.

Less is better, less is deep, less is slow and deliberate, less is human, and humane.”

When every prevailing startup wisdom says move fast and break things, there is value to doing the complete opposite. When everyone wants speed, pivots, scale, fail quick, there is value in focusing on your vision, burrowing deep, and taking time in building. Quality is the end result of patience. Quality is the table-stakes start of longevity.

That means reorienting everything patiently to this long-term thinking.

For us as a media company, it starts with our editorial and research: Think beyond headlines, to the trendlines shaping the business and future of travel, something we have embraced for all of our existence: finding, following, and deciphering the trends in travel. Think in multi-year narrative arcs — that is a mantra I tell our editorial leadership at every occasion I can. Every story we are chasing has a longer-term view, a history longer than we can imagine, a wider and deeper perspective we are currently planning to write. Everything we write can be enriched by speaking to sources beyond the usual suspects. The diversity of views makes the writing we do more relevant today and relevant in the long term. Writing in a human language — outside of the current buzzwords — about the business of travel means we are readable today and likely readable a long time from now, when the industry has completely changed.

That also means redefining what innovation means to us. One of the fallacies of media innovation today is 1) new = innovation 2) new formats = innovation. It is the basis of much of the ruin in media, chasing every new thing that comes along. Innovation for us, what I have bet my media companies on, is not chasing formats, but new ways of looking at existing sectors. Chasing new formats and hoping for innovation is like changing your reading glasses again and again and hoping you will read different things with each new pair you put on. Bringing new perspectives requires a lot more patience and innovation than cosmetic format changes. New ways of looking at the world — that’s the real innovation we are betting on long-term.

That also means redefining what scale means to us. The internet changed what scale meant to everyone, and it became a never-ending quest of chasing bigger and bigger audiences. It became “scale for scale’s sake” and investor-driven frenzy to prove out a model that ultimately ate itself. We gave up chasing scale around 2014, after this realization and have redefined it since: The media we are building is a big part of those who care about travel. That for us is scale, to be a big part of the professional lives of the people in the travel industry. That is how we gauge the effect we are having.

That also means redefining what hiring means to us. We want to hire and groom travel careerists, people who want and have deep expertise in travel — not dilettantes — and want to make a career in one of the most exciting and largest sectors on the planet. We give an audacious four-point promise to our employees, a long term commitment from us to them:

Joining Skift will be a transformational move for your career.

You will do the best work you have ever done while you are at Skift.

You will be the happiest you have ever been at work, while at Skift.

You will be set for life; your success beyond Skift means everything to us.

That’s also what performance — of us as a company, of our team — means to us. That means show up and produce, every day, day in, day out, over and over again. Consistency, in the right amount every day, matters a lot more than being consumed by work and work alone. The quality of our work is the end result of this consistency mixed with patience. That’s the not-so-secret of our long-term fecundity.

That also means redefining what culture means to us. It is not this mythical, magical thing that comes at the end of work, an add-on to make the drudgery bearable. For us, culture stems from the meaningful work we do, and each of us seeing the tangible in-situ effects of that work — helping change the direction of the future of travel and dining, even — in a reasonably short time frame for the people for whom we create everything. It gives us a purpose to create a long-term culture, around the larger promise of travel and our promise to the travel sector: We are eternally curious about the business and creative possibilities of travel, and what it means to the world at large. “If you are tired of Skift, you are tired of the promise of travel,” is a line I use often. That is what inhabits our culture, today and well into the future.

That certainly means redefining how we look at creating value in the company we are building. What does it take to build a media company that matters to people in their daily personal or professional lives, that can survive any kind of micro or macro correction, that can thrive in the long haul?

We have come up with a “metric” to gauge the longevity of media brands. It goes something like this: Imagine, because of some catastrophe, the media company you know suddenly shuts down tomorrow. Will anyone miss it, and will the disappearance of said company harm the ecosystem at large in various ways? The first part of this question is a level-one test, the second part a level-two test, both of which take time to build up to.

What would happen on day two and beyond, if you suddenly go away tomorrow?

These are two ways of saying the same thing: How much of a personal or professional utility value do your users ascribe to your brand? And how indispensable are you to the ecosystem you exist in?

All of this hides an ugly unspoken truth about media in general: that it is disposable, in so many ways. The key is to move toward making yourself indispensable, by adding enough value.

That also means redefining what leadership means to me. Instead of “leading from the front” as I have done for the first five years, a necessary role to build a company in its infancy, I am now transitioning to “empowering from behind” as is the management of our company. After being the face of Skift, being a face of Skift is role that I now cherish. The long-term goal of any founder is to make themselves useless. I am on that journey now.

Last week we launched a book, “For the Long Haul.” This book is an aspirational manifestation of our philosophy on longevity, using travel companies as a mirror to look at the qualities of long-lasting companies and brands. From the efficiency-focus of JR East in Japan, to the courageous will to disrupt from Southwest Airlines, to never putting a price on serving your customers from Oberoi hotels, to Expedia’s realization it could make real people’s lives easier, the chapters here offer valuable lessons. Autogrill’s ability to create a sense of place with all its offerings, and the South by Southwest festival’s willingness to embrace outsiders are testaments to the long view. We, at Skift, salute these strategies as we look ahead to many more of our own anniversary celebrations.

[liesonthefloordramatically]

PART FIVE, WE'RE IN THE HOME STRETCH NOW, by which I mean this part is not very interesting

When we last left our heroes, all the drama went down, as in quick succession: Sam was shot, Jonathan accidentally killed a dude, Lida Lynn managed to get them away but now they're separated from the adults, and there's still a random SWAT team after them (which still hasn’t been explained...and won’t ever be).

Lida Lynn and Jonathan are hiding and eventually he falls asleep (???) and when he wakes up it's almost dawn.  They see smoke because SWAT team has burned down the house.  Jonathan is freaked out (he's finally having emotions! thank goodness!) but Lida Lynn says that the adults probably got away.

Anyway, Lida Lynn reveals that she is, in fact, running away from Lucelli, tragic backstory, etc. etc.  This is mostly uninteresting and could be inferred.

“Why is this happening to us?” he asked softly. Lida Lynn looked back at him, her face lined with concern.  “Because we’re special,” she said simply. “Then I don’t want to be special.” Jonathan knew it was an illogical wish, but he had to say it. He was exhausted and in pain and covered in blood and tree sap, and he wanted nothing more than to be back at the clinic, where all he had to worry about was being followed by cats. “I want to be normal.” Lida Lynn sighed. “I know it sucks. But we can’t change who we are.” She picked up a pine needle and twiddled it between her fingers. “I guess we just have to learn to live with it.”

yikes this sure is a story about trauma

anyway, the cats show up with the adults, hurray, they're back together again, Sam is (mostly) OKAY and DIDN'T DIE

“We need to start moving again. They’ll be coming after us once they regroup.  There’s a bus station not far from here. If we can make it back toward the city, we’ll be safe.”

Why???  Will you be safe??? If you make it back to the city???  Also, why do they have to regroup???  What happened off-screen???  None of this makes sense

Also, I think this is supposed to be set in Southern California (”the city” is LA) which just raises a lot more questions.

“Sam,” he asked suddenly, “where’s your ring?”

I HATE THIS SUBPLOT.  I HATE IT.  Let's pretend it doesn't exist and never mention it again.

anyway, lots of unnecessary heterosexuality here which I'm skipping over

FLASHBACK TIME, Myra is sneaking away in the middle of the night but Rester catches her

“I can’t watch…”  Myra paused, reconsidered her phrasing.  “I can’t keep thinking that I’ll make another mistake.” “You’re afraid you’ll kill someone again.” Myra winced at his bluntness.  “That’s part of it, yes.  But there are other things too.” “Like Sam?” “I already said he has nothing to do with this.”

Okay, this is actually a nice moment

“Certification,” Rester said, answering her unasked question, “a diploma from a medical school, a fake identity.  I’m sure you can find good use for them.”  

This makes no sense, Myra is like, what, 21?  (She’s 19 when she meets Sam and I think 2 or 3 years have passed at this point but I don’t feel like checking dates.)  She's way too young to be a med school graduate, even if she manages to pass as older than she is.

Maybe people in her small town are...ridiculously gullible????

(Also, her fake identity name is the same as her real first name???  Why)

BACK TO THE PRESENT, where Team Jonathan has managed to make it to the bus stop

The other people at the bus stop didn’t seem to notice that their group looked like something out of a post-apocalyptic war movie, which either meant that they were used to having blood-spattered people in this town or that Sam was using his gift again.

Small towns, man.

ALSO, this would a GOOD PLACE for Luke’s white suit to be relevant, but it’s never mentioned???  Why was he wearing a white suit this whole time, what the frick

Anyway, the cats show up AGAIN (somehow???) because of course they do, but Jonathan's busy having an existential crisis

Jonathan stared down at the cats, completely at a loss. There was no way he could heal anyone. In the last twenty-four hours, he had tried to heal a girl and passed out and then accidentally torn a man apart. He didn’t feel particularly constructive. In fact, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to heal again.

TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA

Myra and Jonathan have a THEMATIC heart-to-heart

“You get to decide what you are.  Are you a healer?  Are you a destroyer?  Or are you just...you?”  

what does this mean

(hilariously, this pretty directly parallels a scene in That Danged Vampire Novel, but in that case it’s Marcus being Marcus and so it actually works)

anyway, spoiler alert, he heals the cat

The sound was oddly final to Jonathan, as though it marked the end of a story.

IT DOES, JONATHAN, GOOD JOB

Then the bus rounded a bend in the road and they disappeared from view.

THE END, WE'RE DONE, THANK GOODNESS

Gonna do a final post with closing thoughts so stay tuned