#I had SO MANY IDEAS that I didn't end up diving deep into detail on anything X_X

[wolfiwonderer]

Tonny is sus

In honor of the new chapter and questionable decisions, I'm going to deep dive on Tonny and why I think his innocent look is a front.

He believes he's the good guy (which honestly, confidence in one's righteousness is a red flag that Julia (prev), Tonny, and Sahed all share). The Tonny that he presents cares about each member of the circus, hates taking their lives at the beginning and end, and has sweet innocent thoughts about Julia. I think he really believes that.

I love Tonny as a character btw, super excited to see where this goes.

Tonny does not really care about the people in the circus.

The oldest history we've been told is that they were in a castle. An old woman knew about them and funneled people there for money. Tonny gave them an offer to tie themselves to the castle for eternity to protect them from pursuit.

Okay, but everyone in the castle is miserable. Tonny looks miserable. The people around him do. He clearly isn't too worried about the woman directing people to him. So why is he signing them up when he has been shown that they will break down?

It seems like there must be some kind of compulsion that means Tonny needs to add people to the pact continuously. If he's really burdened by giving them happiness, then he wouldn't sign up for more work.

2. Tonny is not that bothered by taking people's lives.

Okay, first of all, I don't know how you could keep killing people twice and not prove that you don't actually feel bad about it. He has many options other than killing people.

Most of this being bad is predicated on Tonny knowing that there's a cost after their second death, but given how hard he claims to be working to stop people ending their lives (particularly to people who have been around for a while), I think he knows something of it.

Mr. Finnegan is the epitome of Tonny's immoral sign up practices. I have no doubt that Tonny thought he was doing the right thing, but a good 30 second think on Finnegan's motivation shows that it's a terrible idea. The entire reason that Finnegan wants to sign up is to spend more time with his wife. What exactly did Tonny think was going to happen when the wife died? It was going to happen, since he didn't sign both of them up (also, why not?). He had to know that Finnegan was a short term stay.

Mr. Finnegan is the 'youngest' of them all, which makes me wonder how many people have come and gone in the last hundred years. Sahed would probably be somewhere around his age if he aged normally, so he's the next youngest we know outside of Camille and Julia.

Speaking of Sahed, we also know that he made some kind of promise to him that convinced him to sign up.

Sahed has had the same goal for a long time and he thinks Tonny betrayed him. I'm inclined to believe him - even if I'm sure the details of what he asked for were impossible. Tonny agrees with him that Ah'kon deserve equal rights. He also seems sad about the hate against them in a way you don't see from other characters. But, his logic that it is too dangerous to taken them in seems weird when he also took in Dotty while police were after her. Sahed's intake couldn't have been risk free considering he's a legendary level escapee.

I could see this being a savior complex. He 'solves' the problems presented to him with the hammer he has. He signs up to fix problems he can't and then when he doesn't deliver, he hides behind all the other promises he's made. But it's like he' s a married man with a secret family and it's somehow the family's fault he wasn't faithful when they find out about the other.

3. Julia is not safe with Tonny

This is full on theory/prediction and I want to talk about some phone fast pass episodes, so putting it under the cut.

Honestly, Camille kind of called this out in the last episode. Julia has said that Tonny is keeping her close and he has a certain possessiveness. He shows signs of feelings (for no apparent reason than chemistry though? Like do they have much in common? Julia wants to not die but also not be a bad person. Tonny wants ???), and that could be explanation. But I get antsy about a guy who wants a woman to center her life around him. But if that was all, I wouldn't be quite so suspicious of him.

Tonny has admitted that Julia is in the middle between him and someone else, but then, like... doesn't explain. He's said full trust, but she's just hoping he will make her not die, when he has a history of breaking promises (other than killing people, he's got a good record on that, seems to be the go to solution for everyone at the circus). I can't help but think that the reason he hasn't elaborated on the true details of anything to Julia, and likely to everyone, is that it is something horrible.

[its-the-sa]

I'd love to hear your interpretations on those dreams at the end of artificer's campaign, the ones where you're trapped in a hallway with a scav and you have to kill them.

Personally, it's very interesting to me that in some of them, the player is the one controlling the scavenger (imagine a dream where you're someone else and it's you that's the killer, that's fucked up). I like to imagine that they began as basically arti's bloodlust carrying over to her dreams, but over time they got more complex, more detailed. Less of a violent fantasy and more of a reoccurring nightmare, maybe a symbol of her regret or a general disgust for senseless violence.

I have a headcanon where the dreams eventually make arti so sick to the stomach at the idea of violence she decides to give it up entirely, only fighting to kill something to eat. It's how I felt after finishing her campaign- I was so exhausted from the fight with the chieftain that once I won, I didn't have it in me to go around killing any more scavengers. I just felt bad for them and watched them run away from me. I couldn't do it anymore.

THIS THIS THIS!!! seriously, so many people seem to think that arti just genuinely enjoys murdering scavs, and... i mean i kinda get where theyre coming from, but to me it seems pretty clear that she is just constantly re-traumatizing herself.

like yes, she is consumed by rage, and im sure she does get satisfaction from killing them in the heat of the moment. but afterwards, i think it definitely haunts her. i imagine she tries to tell herself that 'they're all the same' and 'they deserve it', but she knows deep down that isn't true. she just keeps choosing violence because it's easier than accepting her loss. just like some people try to drown their sorrows in drugs or alcohol, arti tries to drown hers in blood. it's a self-destructive coping mechanism. as long as she is out there fighting for her life, finding enemies to hate and kill, she doesnt have to sit with her pain. but, once she goes to sleep, she cant run from her demons anymore. she has to relive her trauma and her grief, and she has to face the twisted monster she's allowed it to turn her into. theyre called 'nightmares' for a reason, after all-- they aren't fantasies about something she enjoys doing. even in the ones where she is still 'herself', she is trapped as surely as the scavenger is. theres no going back at that point. she has already dug herself into a hole where there is no choice but to keep killing.

and the ones where she is dreaming from the scav's point of view? that is like... the most perfectly brutal representation of repressed guilt i have ever seen. it shows that she on some level sympathizes and identifies with the scavengers she kills, that she's horrified at what she has become, and that she is inevitably destroying herself. all just by simply changing who the player is controlling. its freaking brilliant tbh.

anyway, i think that ultimately arti just feels guilty. she blames herself for not protecting her pups. she didnt watch them closely enough, she dropped them when she was running away, she didnt realize the blue pup got left behind at first, and she couldn't dive in the water to save the green pup. she feels like she failed them. so i think that once she took revenge on those toll scavs, the only person she had left to punish was herself. and she did it by going on to project her guilt onto every scavenger she saw. she chose to become a monster because thats what she felt she deserved to be treated like

[bestfriend491]

Super Powers

| Made From Request 2

Okoye x Female Reader

Summary: Okoye doesn't smile for anyone, so everyone wants to know what super powers you have that make Okoye change completely.

Author's Note: I kind of came to the conclusion that this work is in the same universe as Hateful Love, because of the writing style. But the two stories aren't related for the most part. Just read it if you enjoyed Hateful love. 

Word Count: 3.5k Fluff Warnings: None

Dedicated to : @hyperf1xate-much because guess what? That one very short convo we had about this ended up being the only reason I decided to finally make it. So everybody say thank you, Mayari!!! 🫶🏾😌

Joy and Happiness are two different things. 

Though frequently used interchangeably, they are both defined as different states of emotions. Hosting many differences in how they might appear in someone. 

Happiness is an emotion that is often outwardly portrayed as a feeling of absolute elation. 

It's often felt before, during or after one has had an earthly experience, or when someone has acquired a material object of their desire. 

It is that feeling that one gets when something good has happened, or is about to happen. 

It is the one thing that many people spend their entire lives trying to attain. It's the thing that most people believe will make them feel whole for once. 

People chase hopeless opportunities in the name of finding happiness. 

The only problem is that they don't know the truth about it. 

They don't know that happiness isn't everything that it's talked up to be. 

It is brief. 

And it is fragile. 

It is as easy to lose as it is to gain. 

It can pamper you with gifts and warm feelings one moment and strip you bare the next. 

If Happiness is a state of being, then joy is an existential being. She can't be seen but when found, she remains loyal for as long as one will have her. 

Happiness is nothing like Joy. 

Joy is peace and contentment. She connects you with your internal self. Diving into the deep crevasses of one's soul to find all the good in their life. 

Joy doesn't give out fake promises. When she announces her presence, she promises to stay forever. 

Joy is nothing like happiness. 

Because if happiness is the end goal, joy is the result of an entire healing journey. She is an eternal feeling.

Joy can be channelled into one person. one thing. It can be placed into the heart of someone and hidden from the rest of the world. 

Joy is the underdog of emotions. She is not given the respect that she deserves. 

Instead she is grouped in the same category as Happiness. 

Because to the common person, they are one in the same. 

At least, that’s how Kabia felt about it. 

To her, if you could find happiness, you could find joy. It was all an interconnected chain of reactions to her. 

Raneah, her close companion, felt very different about it.  She was an existential thinker after all. 

She thought about those slight differences between both words. The details that changed the entire meaning of them. 

She was a lot more in her head than Kabia was. 

Her daydreaming, however, didn't stand a chance against the last addition to their close friendship. 

The way that Ekih thought about life was far less complex or detailed. It was more imaginative, like a child's way of viewing the world and it was constantly coming up with new ideas to explain old concepts.

She also knew of the difference between Joy and Happiness. She just didn’t know all the needless details that others had pointed out about them over the years. Happiness is just what she felt and joyful was what she was. 

The three had their own definitions of happiness and joy, and they often disagreed on who was more correct.

By each teenagers’ standard, the amount of people who had found their joy between the three of them differed. 

WIth Ekih’s theory. Everyone had found joy. Her more than the rest of them as she was always happy and full of joy. Both Kabia and Raneah could agree on that. 

What complicated things was figuring out whether or not Kabia and Raneah were happy using Raneah’s theory. 

Ever since they’d become Dora Milaje, the answer to that one question had been hard to find. 

With the new skills and experiences that they had acquired over the last year, they were both sure that they were more than happy with their positions in life. 

The only issue was that Raneah was sure that Kabia hadn’t found joy yet, and it was affecting her ability to fully indulge in the honour of serving her country. 

She was always chasing the hero title, spreading herself thin with unnecessarily intense training. 

Kabia argued otherwise, claiming that it was Raneah who felt this way and she was just projecting. 

She knew that she was just distracting from the truth. Seeing as Raneah had always been more reserved. But she wasn’t willing to admit that she had no idea where she was supposed to look for this mysterious ‘Joy’ figure. 

So she stood her ground. Arguing with her friends and comparing who was happiest. And who held the most joy. 

The same conversation recycled itself over and over again, becoming a regular topic of conversation for them. 

Even as they walked into the training grounds of the palace, they bickered about it. 

“For the last time, Kabia. Joy and happiness are not the same things.” Ekih said to her friend. She walked backwards to be able to face the other 2 as they approached their desired building. 

“Exactly, “ Raneah started, looking at Kabia with her all-knowing eyes. 

“I’m just saying how can we compare the two when they bring the same feeling to us? Why are you two being so headstrong about this? It’s not like you can physically see any of these things anyway.” Kabia argued. 

The never ending comparison between the two feelings was becoming tedious. She was becoming less susceptible to listening and understanding their points. 

So much so, that she easily allowed herself to be distracted by the calling of her name. 

“Kabia!” came a deeply rich voice from behind. 

She turned instantly, knowing who she was going to find standing behind her. 

“T- Thimi.” she stuttered out. 

“You’re back from your mission.” she continued, struggling to keep her mind focused anymore. Her cheeks burned as she tried to push down a smile. 

Thimi nodded with a grin. Going in to hug Kabia, who just stood stunned at the young wardog’s reappearance. 

“I missed you.” Thimi whispered in her ear, sending chills down Kabia’s back. 

She held onto the other woman for far longer than necessary. Forgetting who she had previously been walking with. 

When she let go, and let the wardog go to hug the other two girls, her mind was in a completely halted state. 

A dizziness came upon her. And she had to hold on to Raneah's arm to keep her balance. 

“Kabia?” came a voice again.

"Hm.?" She asked once she realised that someone had been talking to her. 

"I asked if you wanted to hang out sometime next week. Before I get assigned to leave again." 

"Uh," Kabia started, trying to arrange her thoughts. Looking at Ekih and Raneah, she realised that this wouldn't be a group activity. It would just be her and Thimi. 

Her face grew hot, and her mouth dry.

The wardog stood looking down at her. “I’ll give you some time to think about it.”

Still, Kabia didn’t say a thing.

She watched the woman hesitantly walk away, instead.

“Well there’s your problem.” Raneah’s voice came through, snapping her out of her daze.

“What’s my problem?”

“You’re your own worst enemy.”

“I am not!”

“Kabs, are you serious right now?” Raneah continued. 

Ekih interjected finally, “Kabia, that was your physical evidence of joy and you just let her walk away.” 

Kabia shook her head and folded her arms, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The other two rolled their eyes.

She dismissed them.

"I don't have time to talk about this. We're going to be late." 

Luckily they didn't press the issue more, deciding to just follow her to the training facilities. 

From the moment that training started there was a strange energy in the room. 

It wasn’t as tense as every other day. 

Kabia looked around for any particularly different features in the room that she stretched in, but the room looked identical to how it had when she had last been there. 

She wasn’t the only one to notice. Ekih and Raneah doing their rounds of observation too. They made eye contact with each other when a laugh came through the room. Unfamiliar to all of them. 

Their focus shifted to near the door of the room, where an unknown woman stood talking to the General. 

As they looked closer, they saw the most unusual thing of the day. 

The General had a large grin across her face. And it was clear that she had been the one laughing. 

Kabia’s eyes grew large at the sight, seeing General Okoye’s hand being held by the woman without the General flinching or pulling away. 

Instinctively the girls stood up and went to a corner of the room to talk. 

“Is that-” Ekih started. 

“-General Okoye smiling.” Kabia finished. 

They were huddled in a triangular shield-like form. 

“Who’s that woman standing next to her?” Kabia asked.

“Clearly Bast herself; with the way she’s making her smile.” Ekih laughed, getting a chuckle out of the others. 

Raneah looked up at the two again making sure that she was seeing things correctly, “So none of us have ever seen her before?” 

Her friends shook their heads in agreement. 

Nobody had ever seen this woman. But clearly Okoye was very familiar with her.  

“Maybe it’s a test. Something the General has set up to see if we’re observant.” Ekih suggested. 

A minute of silent thought took place, and the other two couldn’t argue with her idea. It was likely that Okoye was testing them. 

That was what made the most sense. She had to be pretending to be happy to trick all the newer Doras. 

“Should we approach?” 

“No.” Kabia quickly stopped them. “If we attack and it’s not a test we’ll be done for. Let’s just stay together and keep an eye on them until the woman leaves.” 

The others followed her lead, going back to their positions close to each other. They kept an eye on the General and the strange woman for the majority of the session, even slowing down their normally fast paced sparring to take more glimpses of the scene that never ended. 

By the end of the day, they were certain that something was wrong. Okoye had barely been herself the entire time. All she was focused on was the woman that held her so closely. 

Okoye hadn’t been oblivious to the stares that she had been getting throughout the day. Especially the ones from the Triple Bullets, as she liked to call them. 

Kabia, Raneah and Ekih were her strongest new recruits.

They were also the nosiest. 

From the first day that they entered the palace, they were a tight unit of gossipers. 

Which was why she wasn’t surprised that even 30 minutes after training had ended, they were all still pretending to pack their things up, when really they were just staring at you and her. 

She was more surprised that the girls hadn’t found out about the two of you months before.

You stood in front of her, your hand in hers. “They’re still there?” you asked, looking away from the girls to prevent yourself from laughing. 

She nodded, her day-long smile fading as she rolled her eyes. 

“I should probably introduce myself before I get ambushed on my way home.” you said, getting a sigh as a reply. 

“Fine. Let’s get this over with.” 

The two of you turned, looking directly at the group of young girls. 

“Girls.” she said, crossing her arms in salute. 

You stood next to her with an awkward smile, as you waited for your cue. 

“General.” they all said in patchy unison. 

“I’d like to introduce you to someone.” Okoye said.

They all looked at you. You crossed your arms, before extending your arm out. “I’m Y/n. Okoye’s-”

“-Wife.” Raneah declared. She pointed to the ring on your finger, then at the matching one that Okoye wore. 

The other two gasped, getting a chuckle out of you, while Okoye tried to hide a grin. 

“I did not expect that.” Raneah said breathlessly. 

Okoye eyed her questionably prompting her to correct herself. “Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say; You look like a wonderful couple.” 

You smiled at her as she finally took your extended hand and shook it. She had a strong grip, apologising through her expression. 

When you offered your hands to the others, it was a lot more comical. 

Kabia had completely zoned out so she didn’t notice until Raneah bumped her shoulder. 

Ekih was more aware of your presence. Taking your hand in hers but nearly yanking it off with the amount of force that she used. 

“Woah” you said, pulling your arm back. 

“Oh sh-.I am so sorry.” she said, breathing heavily. 

“It’s okay.” you said,

Okoye glared a warning to the girls.  

‘Stop embarrassing me.’ 

You cleared your throat, “ I was assigned a new weapons development project that requires me to work with the Dora for a few weeks.” you started to explain. 

The girls nodded in understanding. Clearly having been waiting for an explanation. 

You all stood there for a while, before Raneah looked out and saw that the natural light from the sun was dimming. It was getting late. 

“I think we’d better go.” she said.

She led the other two out of the facility.

“Of course they chose the one day you were going to be here to act like that.” Okoye said. 

The girls made their way to their homes, all shocked by the new revelation of Okoye actually having the ability to smile for longer than a split second. 

“It’s got to be magic.” Ekih said, walking backwards once again. 

“Magic? Don’t be ridiculous, Ekih.” Kabia argued. 

“I’m not being ridiculous. What else would explain seeing the General smile for hours on end?” 

“I don’t know, but it’s definitely not magic.” 

“Think about it. Maybe Y/n has some kind of power that attracts people to her.” 

Kabia rolled her eyes, “If that were true we would have acted normal back there. And in case you didn’t notice we were a mess.” 

“Fine. Maybe it only works on the General. There’s no other way she would have been acting like that. Smiling is not a normal thing that she just… does.” 

“She seemed pretty normal to me.” Raneah finally pitched in. 

“Of course she looked normal to you, Miss “Joy can find everyone”. “ Kabia mimicked her. 

Raneah gently shoved her to the left. 

“Well maybe it is joy.” she shot back. 

The other two both looked at her questionably. 

Ekih’s expression pleading for her to elaborate while Kabia’s pleaded for her to let it go so she could forget about the embarrassing interaction. 

“I know that we’ve always seen the General as this emotionless woman who doesn’t experience regular human feelings like the rest of us. But maybe we’re not one-hundred percent right. 

What if she’s kept a tough exterior shell and made it an entire fake-personality to showcase to the rest of the world. And she deliberately chooses to fool the rest of us and make us paint a specific picture of her. 

And she does this as often as possible. Pretending that she’s unapproachable and unhappy or annoyed. All because she knows that she can store her Joy into her forever person. 

The person that she knows will love her regardless of what’s going on and won’t judge her for her authentic personality…” Raneah rambled on, completely enthralled by the potential of the concept that she had developed actually being correct. 

Ekih leaned into every word, loving the idea too. 

Both of their minds were spinning in different directions, analysing the situation. 

Kabia on the other hand, barely paid attention to the absurd idea. 

“Or maybe she was just having a really good day and decided to smile for once.” Kabia argued. 

Ekih shook her head. “That wasn’t something you get from a good day, Kabs. What we witnessed back there was Joy. Real , pure joy that is probably not going anywhere as long as Y/n is there. Again, magic.” 

“You're really going to keep calling it magic?” 

“It’s either that or I’m calling it love powers.” 

Kabia sighed at the suggestion. 

Somehow she preferred the former. 

“So what do we do with this information?” she asked. She was becoming intrigued, though she didn’t want to admit it. 

“Well, you should use that information to put your pride aside and agree to go out with Thimi.” Raneah said. They were nearing her house, which meant that the other two’s houses weren’t too far away either. 

Kabia immediately shook her head. “I’m not doing that.” 

“Why not?” the other two whined in unison. 

“Because I’ll look like a foo- I just won’t, okay.” She stopped the conversation there. 

Ekih grew completely silent, detecting her house from a farther distance and offering her goodbyes. 

Raneah and Kabia stood in front of the formers’ house. 

Kabia, looking at the ground, felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up trying her best not to show too much emotion.

“Look. I know you might think you don’t need joy in your life because you're making a mark by being a Dora. but everyone needs that extra something that keeps them going. I’m not saying you have to go out with her if you don’t want to. I’m just saying; if you want to - which I can tell you do- you should do it.” 

Feeling her eyes start to water, she wiped the developing tears away, smiling at Raneah. 

“Thanks.” 

The two hugged, and Kabia made her way home.

A week after the first time anyone had seen the General smiling, it was becoming a regular occurrence. 

With you so close by, she was constantly smiling at you or with you. 

She had barely noticed that there was a major shift in her behaviour. She always acted like that around you. 

Though the previous weeks’ intense stares had been directed at Okoye. Now they were mostly being given to you. 

The girls had been a bit more subtle than the last time, but you could still clearly tell that they were staring at you as you worked. 

Okoye had walked past you and pointed it out a couple of times, but you had politely declined all her offers to handle the situation. 

As the third hour of training came into action, and the Doras were taking a break, you could feel the stares intensifying. 

Again, Okoye came to you. 

‘Y/n, my love. If I catch them looking at you one more time, I’m going to cause a scene.” she spoke with a fake smile on her face. 

You hummed in understanding. “Let me talk to them first, Okoye.” 

She reluctantly let you go, watching you approach them as they tried to avoid eye contact now that you were close. 

By the time you stood right in front of them, they were still trying to avoid looking directly at you. 

“Did you girls need something?” you asked, looking at Raneah, who was the only one comfortable enough to look at you. 

“We’re really sorry for staring. We just have so many questions.” she said to you. 

“Go ahead.” you offered. 

Ekih’s eyes lit up and she immediately looked up at you. 

“We’re trying to figure out what to call what you have.” 

Your eyes wandered up in thought. “What I have?” you questioned.

“The thing that you have that makes General Okoye smile so much.” Raneah explained. 

You looked out towards your wife when you heard this. She was always at least slightly smiling when you were around. It was hard to envision her not being the same when you weren’t around.

“How often is she like this when I’m not around?” you asked no particular person. 

Kabia let out a sly chuckle, “She’s never like this when you’re not around. It's like a magical super power that you have. That’s what Ekih calls it. ”

A super power? You wanted to laugh at the idea, but the girls seemed very serious. 

As you turned her head to look at Okoye, and you saw her bright smile towards you, you softly returned her one of your own. 

“Okoye smiles.” you tried to reason with the three. They shook their heads heavily. 

“Raneah’s the most observant person we know and even she hadn’t seen the General smiling so much before you came last week. “ Kabia spoke. 

“It’s amazing to look at honestly.” she continued , “I don’t want to agree with Ekih’s idea that its a literal super power, but it's a nice figurative super power.” she smiled sheepishly at you. Thinking about her own potential superhero. 

You took in a deep breath of contentment. 

“Maybe it is like a super power.” you whispered.

 ‘One that I’m more than grateful to have.’ you thought. 

If you could bring Okoye even a fraction of the happiness that she brought you, you would be more than glad to. 

As for Kabia, she was starting to soften up to the idea of taking Thimi up on her offer. 

After all, what was the worst that could happen?

Maybe she’d find her joy.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

All right, I did a post yesterday about the Cowgate incident of 2003, which started because I read the disappointing news that the site of the incident will be closed to the public when I'm in Edinburgh this summer, and I literally read it during a brief period of being awake in the middle of a fever dream. And then of course I made a post about it, because if you wake up in the middle of a fever dream, you always have to post about the real-life incident that most resembles the content of an actual fever dream.

This made me realize it's been a little while since I've actually watched that video, I went through a year or so of re-watching it at least once a week (mainly because it became a go-to re-watch when drunk, particularly near the end of the night when I no longer wanted to focus on anything coherent or longer than a few minutes, personally I'd never want to be at a comedy show while drunk but I do see why they'd do this for a drunk crowd, it appeals to that side of the brain), but I hadn't seen it in six months or so. I thought, I've probably been building this up in my head a bit in the six months of not actually watching it. The idea of Cowgate as a weird drunken fever dream (though one enjoyable thing about it is that besides Adam Hills and the entire audience I'm pretty sure the people involved were sober, as that was sort of the Chocolate Milk Gang's thing, getting their name specifically because they were the only people who didn't get drunk at late-night Edinburgh shows, instead they went for milkshakes across the road) had become a running joke in my mind and sometimes my Tumblr references, but at this point it's more of a symbol than anything else. After writing that post that ran with the joke of it being an iconic violent ritual, I thought it would be fun to spend some of my sick day at home re-watching the actual video, expecting to find that it just looks like relatively expected raucous comedy show shenanigans, not quite as mind-breakingly weird as I remember.

...Guys, it's exactly as I remembered. It's so weird. I've made multiple deep dive Cowgate posts before, but not for at least six months (I think the last time I did it one was for the 20th anniversary, August 26 last year, so almost exactly six months, actually), and I think six months should be long enough to make me allowed to repeat myself on the subject. Because there's almost nothing I haven't said before, but watching it again made me want to say it all again. And I do mean almost - I think I did discover one new detail while watching it between fever dreams yesterday. It's pretty good.

Okay, first of all, here's the video in all its glory:

I cannot emphasize enough how much the first time I came across this it was 2 AM and I had no context for understanding where they were or what was going on. Since then, I have figured out: it's a show called Late 'n' Live. It takes place on many nights throughout the Edinburgh Festival, at a venue called the Gilded Balloon. The Gilded Balloon is owned by Karen Koren. It burned down in 2002 and was rebuilt nearby, this video is from 2003, in the rebuilt venue on Teviot Place. The Late 'n' Live event runs from around 11:30 PM to around 3:30 AM and consists of a bunch of comedians who come on, sometimes to do their own sets and sometimes to do shit like this, managed by a compere, and after that they bring out a band and it turns into a dance floor. At this time, it was known for being a bearpit with a drunk and rough crowd that sometimes got violent. For several years in the late '90s and early '00s, it was famous compered by Johnny Vegas. It was then compered, throughout the early- and mid-00s, by Daniel Kitson. I mean I think there was some crossover, obviously they didn't just have one compere for an entire month and people besides those two guys did it too, some people had to get some sleep at some point. Anyway, these are all things that I know as a direct result of the rabbit hole I went down after finding this video and needing to understand what the ever loving fuck was going on in it. I actually know a lot more than that about Late 'n' Live, but there isn't time for it all right now. I've watched a four-part BBC Scotland documentary series about the history of Late 'n' Live. I watched a Tim Minchin documentary mainly because I like Tim Minchin but a little bit because it had a lot of the Gilded Balloon in it and that was relevant to my Late 'n' Live research. I have an entire folder on my hard drive called Late 'n' Live and it has too many files in it.

One of them's a gif of David O'Doherty throwing his entire body with abandon onto different things at Late 'n' Live in different years: onto Jason Byrne in 2003, onto the floor in 2005, and onto Daniel Kitson in 2007. All clips I found in entirely different sources and decided they needed to be together.

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. Already. Cowgate. The point is Cowgate. I named the incident Cowgate because that's the name of the neighbourhood where the original Gilded Balloon was, and, you know, it was a cow. A cow and what looked like it had to be some sort of scandal. I think it's very clever.

So here's the thing. After I first found that video, which seemed like a tiny relic of one of many moments of one of many nights on one of many years that this stuff went on, and I set about obsessively looking things up for weeks to try to figure out what they were doing, in the process I came across a second video that also happened to capture the same moment. Amazing stuff.

The former video was on the Gilded Balloon's YouTube channel, and seemed to have been filmed officially by the venue staff. This latter one was a montage of videos taken throughout the night by an audience member who apparently had whatever people used to film things at gigs in 2003. Wouldn't have been a camera phone back then.

This video shed a bit of light on some of the essential mysteries of Cowgate, but didn't actually answer many, and to be honest it asked more questions than it answered. Obviously, one of the main questions I had about Cowgate was "Where did the cow come from?" I'd wondered whether the Chocolate Milk Gang had somehow procured it, or whether they took something that was already there. Both options would open up a lot more questions, such as where did they get it, and if it wasn't there because they specifically put it there for the purposes of taking it apart, how did they get permission to take it apart?

The longer video suggests that it's the latter. It shows Daniel Kitson earlier in the night, messing around with the cow the way he might if its presence on stage were a surprise to him as well as to the audience.

The other essential question is "Why did they attack it?", and this earlier scene may suggest a possible reason. From the dialogue, it seems that Kitson jumped on top of it because the crowd told him to, and then the crowd keeps shouting other cow-based challenges at him, and he makes fun of them for suggesting challenges that are too easy (jump off it, touch it, etc.). The video then cuts, but it is possible that he challenged the crowd to ask him to do something difficult with it, and they said to tear it apart, and then it escalated. That scene seems to be from the beginning of the night, and we know the actual Cowgate ritual was the last thing that happened in the night, because right after they finish Kitson brings the band out and that occurs after the comedy ends. So it's possible that they could have come up with the challenge at the beginning, spent a few hours sourcing various weapons, and then done this at the end.

That theory of course brings up other questions, like how they decided on the weaponry. And, again, why they were allowed to do that. The answer to that question depends on where the cow came from, which I still don't know. I once spent a week looking up the International Cow Parade because I thought maybe it was part of that, but I don't think so anymore. It has the word Metro on the side of it, and someone in the YouTube comments called it the Metro cow. So it was probably an advertisement, not an art piece. But I wouldn't have thought your allowed to take apart a company's advertising installation. Maybe it was going to be destroyed after the festival anyway? Also, why was there a cow-based Metro advertisement on the floor at a comedy gig anyway?

I'd like to go through the video in further detail, as I've done many times before, but not for six months so I think I'm allowed a new one, and also I've come up with one (1) new fact (theory) so that's worth doing the whole thing again. I've just spent two days sick in bed, please allow me to indulge in this.

- Right at the beginning, the "three chances" thing still confuses me. That line really suggests that this is a challenge, not just a weird stunt, that they are being tested to see if they can do it. Possibly tested by an audience that was told to come up with a more difficult idea for something the comedians could try with a cow.

But what are the paramatres of the challenge? To take the cow apart, sure, but the "three chances" line implies more specific restrictions. Did they try this two other times earlier in the night and weren't able to do it? Perhaps tried it earlier with fewer weapons? Or did "three chances" mean three people are allowed to work on it? Doesn't seem likely, as Kitson jumped in fairly quickly and made it four.

- Adam Hills sounds like he's referencing something with "literally bottle it". I know "bottle it" is a expression that means "fuck it up", but I don't see how that's literal in this case. Was there a bottle involved? What would bottling it mean in this instance? Failing the audience's challenge? I don't even know for sure that it was an audience challenge, that's just a guess based on the beginning. It could be something else entirely.

- The part where John Oliver, Demetri Martin, and David O'Doherty scurry across the stage like squirrels makes me laugh every time. Why are they all bent over? What are they hiding from?

- David O'Doherty appears to be the only person who came out carrying a weapon. In the first shot of the guys attacking the cow, DO'D is hitting it with a hammer that he presumably brought from backstage. The other two are pulling on it with their bare hands. Then, in a detail I find hilarious, Demetri Marin reaches behind him and grabs what appears to be a chisel off the floor. I guess what probably happened is he did bring that with him from backstage, then put it down, and we just see him pick it back up. But the editing makes it look like he's tried pulling the horns, it didn't work, so he turned around and grabbed the nearest tool, like a character in a video game that just finds useful weapons lying around.

- It also makes me laugh that Adam Hills used his rap-based narration to make sexual jokes about the cow, while Kitson puts his hand over his mouth/in the air like a rapper, to show he's totally on board with this gangsta rap thing, but also, they have shit to and it's (presumably) nearly 4 AM, so the actual content of his lyrics is going to be to give useful practical advice on how to get this job done. Because they're not combining the tools, and you really need to use the chisel and hammer together or it'll never work.

I enjoy the way at this point, John Oliver takes just the briefest break from attacking a facsimile cow with his bare hands to look up Kitson, looking quite impressed with his approach to the situation. "Yes, thank you Daniel, finally some helpful ideas instead of just cowfucking jokes, now let's get that chisel over here."

- It can be hard to see in the darkness, but this whole thing is basically a Kitson and Oliver-oriented plan. Kitson shouts at DO'D to "combine the chisel and the hammer". John Oliver then points like he's directing a play, getting DO'D to bring his hammer to the other side.

DO'D does this, but puts the hammer down on the ground over there, instead of combining it with anything. That's when Kitson taps DO'D on the back like a pretend wrestler tagging in, possibly deciding that if he stays on the sidelines rapping all night, they'll never get this done and be allowed to leave. So he pushes DO'D out of the way, and takes his spot next to John Oliver. Then he reaches down and grabs a random chisel off the ground, again like a video game character. Then he reaches over the cow and picks up the hammer that DO'D has discarded (like a video game character), so he is now combining the chisel and the hammer. At the same time, John Oliver has physically taken the first chisel out of Demitri Martin's hand, and starts working on the same end as Kitson. Now they're getting somewhere.

- This is one of those videos that's funny every time if you keep running it back to watch the same eight seconds over but this time focus on a different person. DO'D tries to get in after Kitson straight-up stole his spot, leans in but can't find an opening, gives up and walks all the way around them both to try the other end of the cow because clearly the Kitson and Oliver dream team have this end sewn up.

- Then, there's a curveball: someone with the word CREW on the back of their shirt comes out of absolutely nowhere, and hands John Oliver a lead pipe, like a character fucking Clue(do, depending where you live). Where did this come from? Do most stages have large bits of piping lying around backstage? Was John Oliver supposed to bring it on stage with him but forgot it so they had to run it out to him? Or did those crew people decide that they're not making enough progress, someone had better find a large pipe and bring it on stage and hand it to John Oliver so we can all go home.

I've been writing this post so far while watching the official video - the one off the Gilded Balloon YouTube channel - but I think you get a much better view of this specific part from the way it was captured in the montage by an audience member. It's another part that I find incredibly funny. John Oliver is methodically working away with Demitri Martin's chisel and his own hands. Then someone hands him a large weapon, and he immediately raises it above his head like a sword and starts whacking the thing full tilt. Scares the shit out of Kitson on one side of him and DO'D on the other. They both jump, Demitri Martin just cautiously circles away.

In the words of a John Oliver bit that is long outdated but lives on in our hearts and my DVD collection... whaky stick. Whacky stick!!!

Kitson, after initially jumping, responds by choosing to imitate John's style, and starts raising the hammer over his own head to attack it with full force in the same way. While DO'D literally cowers in the corner:

And Demitri Martin continues to do what he's been doing since John took his tool away, which is to run his hands over the body of a cow like a mechanic sizing up a car. He has contributed almost nothing to this operation. I don't even think Demetri Martin knows how to take cows apart. Too busy turning letters into numbers and stuff.

- After getting over the initial excitement of waving a pipe around wildly, John Oliver employs the more thought-out strategy of using it like a lever, trying to prise it open at the seam. Kitson gets in beside him and starts attacking this same seam, striking the weak spot repeatedly with the hammer. In the background, DO'D and Demetri Martin appear to try jumping on the thing.

This is the strategy they're still employing the moment the cow finally comes apart:

I've observed this from multiple angles, and at first I thought Kitson deserved the most credit for breaking it, but now I think it was mainly John Oliver's work. Definitely a team effort though (or at least a dual effort, not sure how much the other two helped, though to be fair the bigger boys took their tools away). It comes apart at the exact spot where Kitson was hitting it with the hammer, you can see Kitson give it a hard kick, then one more strike, then put his arms up in celebration as this strike breaks it in half. But I'm pretty sure it was John's leverage from behind him that allowed him to split the thing.

- At this point they all contribute to pulling it the rest of the way apart; Kitson and Martin hold the top half while Oliver and DO'D take out the bottom. This is another part I find very funny - the way they're so matter-of-fact about handing it out to the audience. Look at John Oliver and David O'Doherty marching this across the stage like they're workers delivering a coach or something:

- Then the camera shows the cow being crowd surfed. The YouTube comments say: "The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door". In his lyrics, Adam Hills talks about taking it up the Royal Mile. The Royal Mile is the street outside, so all this suggests that they continued to take the cow outside and down the street. Was that part of the challenge? Was the initial plan to take the thing apart and then have it carried through the streets of Edinburgh? How far did this cow go?

- I have so far compared them to video game characters, board game characters, tag-team pretend wrestlers, a mechanic, and delivery workers. But my favourite thing to compare them to is probably at the end, when they celebrate like football players who've just won a big match.

"Great work everyone, good hustle out there, really pulled together as a team. Okay, now hit the showers. I want to see you all dressed and ready for milkshakes in ten minutes flat."

- There is so much going on in this video that I find it easier to not try to focus on it all at once, I have to do one thing and then backtrack. So now that I've gone through the whole video while looking at what the rest of them were doing, I need to backtrack and go over the lyrics to Adam Hills' song.

Question: Did Adam Hills think he was going to have to do this alone, or was he supposed to have Kitson co-MC-ing, but then Kitson jumped in partway through? Because I think the latter may have happened. Kitson was the compere for the whole night, as we see in the montage video.

Adam Hills If you had three chances Would you take them? Or would you quite literally bottle it?

As I said before: don't know what he's talking about there. What got literally bottled? Why three chances?

His palms are sweaty, his hair is sweaty He's ready to shoot spaghetti He's got a cow on stage It's got red horns, it's all the rage

This is veering wildly off topic, but I just want to mention that that Adam Hills got his off the cuff "stage/all the rage" rhyme because he'd heard DO'D use it in a freestyle rap battle with Daniel Kitson, that we know from the montage took place earlier than night (another one of my favourite videos, but we don't have time to go into this one right now):

It's cow tipping, it's not quite shitty Get that cow down in this city Take it up the Royal Mile, attack it with a hammer Kitson's on the stage, he's [?] with a hammer

Again, how far did the cow go? They had clearly planned from the beginning (of this song, at least) to have it out on the Royal Mile. YouTube comments confirm it left the building.

David O'Doherty's going up the ass It's time to fuck this motherfucking class Fuck the udder (x4) Let's get this udder fucking cow out of here

After all the times I've watched this video, this is the first time I've noticed that Adam Hills tried a pun on "mother fucking" there. Glad he's having a good time.

Daniel Kitson Davey, Davey, what you need to do Is combine the chisel and the hammer

Finally, some useful fucking advice.

Adam Hills There's Martin, Demitri Martin The Perrier win has left me smartin'

This was August 26, Hills' song mentions later that it's the last night of Late 'n' Live for that year, so the Perrier Awards had just been given out. In 2003, Demetri Martin won the main award over other nominees: Reginald D. Hunter, Flight of the Conchords, Howard Read and Little Howard, and Adam Hills. Adam Hills, who had also been nominated the previous year, when he lost to Daniel Kitson, and the year before that, when he lost to Garth Marenghi. So he is actually being, as a YouTube comment said, a pretty good sport to jump in and have fun about it. If I were him I'd probably resent losing out an award again and then not even getting to smash shit up.

John Oliver, he's the man If that pipe won't do it, nothing can David O'Doherty, he comes from Ireland, the land of the green Daniel Kitson, he's got a hammer He's also got one motherfucking stammer

I quite enjoy the way no one responds to any of this. Adam Hills starts calling them out by name, including bringing up Kitson's stutter and DO'D nationality and his awards rivalry with Demetri Martin, and none of them even briefly looks at him. They are all very busy and focused on the important task of destroying a cow.

It's time to break this cow down It's time to break this cow down It's not time to chow down It's time to break this cow down

I want this verse embroidered on a throw pillow. Actually, I think I want these entire lyrics printed out and framed on my wall.

Late 'n' Live, Late 'n' Live, it's the very last night It's time to wrap this show up tight Send it out the front, send it out the... [cow breaks apart] Break the cow, break it in half Lead it out the front to the path

Once again, talk of parading this thing around outside the venue. Where were they taking it?

Karen Koren, she's outside She's got petrol dripping down her eyes There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon The police found no one else was to blame If this season doesn't go well This fucking venue's going up in flames

That, of course, is a reference to the Gilded Balloon's history. It burned down in a fire in December 2002. It's now August 2003, and they're in a new venue that was rebuilt nearby. Karen Koren is the venue's owner. I'm pretty sure Adam Hills is implying that she's going to burn down the new venue if the performers don't do well enough. Actually, he's not implying that, he's outright stating it. What he's implying is that she burned down the first venue, presumably for the insurance money, and she is currently outside ready to burn this one down too, if they perform badly enough to make the insurance money worth more than the shows bring in.

The cow's in half, the cow's in half Let's hear it for the cow in half!

This is like that famous poem that was allegedly written by a child about a tiger breaking out of its cage. Sheer poetry.

Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning sun goes up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

What's interesting about this is that these are the lyrics to Stan, which is a different Eminem song from the one he was (sort of) singing at the beginning, which was lose yourself. This may or may not be related to the fact that Adam Hills is the only person in this performance who was not a member of the Chocolate Milk Gang, which was a group of comedians known for not getting drunk during or after late-night Edinburgh shows.

It may also be related to the fact that this is a clip of the Edinburgh show that Adam Hills had just spent a month performing:

So he had Stan in his head all month anyway, he was on stage and remembered he was supposed to be singing an Eminem song, his brain told him that the Eminem song he sings on stage is Stan. Fair enough.

Though it's worth noting that those aren't the correct lyrics to Stan either. The Eninem song says the clouds come up the window, not the sun. Why would it be all grey and hard to see if the sun came up the window?

Crowd surf the cow, people.

I want all those lyrics printed out in fancy calligraphy font. And ornately framed. And on my wall.

So that's Cowgate, in case anyone wants to know. But this is just stuff I've said before. I said I had a new detail, didn't I? Well here it is:

Who is that man, sat unobtrusively in the background, playing the percussion set? Of course we have no way of knowing, in such low quality video without any clear shots of his face. Or do we? Because here is a screenshot of Flight of the Conchords, sitting on that very cow, earlier in the same night! (We know it was the same night because it was taken from the montage of the whole night, which ended with a second angle on Cowgate.)

Am I wrong? I might be wrong, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think that's Jermaine Clement playing percussion back there. Based on the evidence that: He was there that night. He does play the drums. He's a bona fide member of the Chocolate Milk Gang. And he has the same vague outline and shirt colour as the guy in those screenshots. And he was in the background of the Kitson/DO'D battle rap video, playing guitar, so he does sometime play music to accompany other comedians doing weird shit at Late 'n' Live. My new detail is I think Jermaine Clement was on the stage during Cowgate.

It is cool, really. I mean, I'm obviously being vaguely ironic by treating this late-night comedy show stunt as a vitally important mysterious ritual. But I genuinely think that what happened there is fucking cool, if you look at all those people being on one stage doing something so stupid together, and then consider where they all went after that.

And if Jermaine Clement was there, that just adds to it. The variety and international breadth of all the different comedy careers all in one place just as they were on the cusp of taking off. I mean, by plenty of definitions some had taken off already, but they have all taken off significantly more since then. Almost as though on one night in 2003, they all sacrificed a cow to the gods of success and it worked. Of the main five people involved in the sacrifice rituals, there are three Perrier Awards (Kitson, DO'D, Demetri Martin - though to be fair two of those were won before Cowgate happened so I guess we can't attribute it to the sacrifice), an MBE (Hills), and a shitload of Emmys (Oliver). Which I think they should all bring in for the prize task of the Taskmaster episode that I imagine with those five as the contestants (it's okay, I think this is worth setting racial and gender representation on panel shows back by 20 years), the studio task is to take a cow apart, the winner gets all the trophies.

That's a lot of countries. The Australian Adam Hills, the British Daniel Kitson, the American Demetri Martin, the Irish David O'Doherty, the Kiwi Jermaine Clement, and the now-British/American John Oliver. All with wildly different types of careers. All, for different reasons, among my favourite comedians. I have seen or heard all of the official video or audio stand-up releases by all six of those people (and possibly 1 or 2 or several hundred or so unofficial ones as well). And not because of this video or anything, I sought them out because those are among my favourites and then they were all on stage doing this unhinged thing together.

It's the great mystery of my lifetime, I still want to know where the fuck they got that cow. And I'm genuinely annoyed that I won't be able to see the stage where it happened when I go to Edinburgh this year, but it's all right, I'll look at the outside.

If I ever get to meet any of these people, this is the first question I'm asking. No I don't need to know anything else about your career, just please tell me, what the fuck was going on with that fucking cow in 2003?

[deafchild2000]

H2O Headcanons #29:

What if Rikki was Karl's granddaughter?

(This is for @opalsiren for her headcanon that Charlotte was Max's granddaughter as well.)

This would be crazy, right? Once upon a time ago, I did a post believing Julia was Rikki's grandmother, and oh, how the tables have turned since then. So, where to start: How did I come up with this?

(It all started when I got into contact with @misuutira for her Calamity AU and didn't hesitate to show her my headcanons to inspire her. We got to talking, definitely hit up WaterSpirit!Gracie tore Cleo in for her part in Charlotte being the "Bad Guy" and might have mutually agreed that Gracie would go after Rikki & make her regret messing with her granddaughter 😅. I won't say what she did, but Gracie called out her cruel & unnecessary behavior towards Charlotte vs her hypocrisy with Bella, and the next thing I knew, I threw out there that Gracie isn't surprised as it's expected of Rikki as she's Karl's granddaughter!... Needless to say, @misuutira loved the idea!)

And from there, what was just put out as dramatics became a deep dive into what would be a plot twist in the tail (pun intended!)

So, to get this out of the way, how or why would make Rikki - everyone's feisty mermaid - related to the man who nearly exposed her 50s predecessor work?

1. Admit it, we've all talked about who would be a fitting "grandchild" to the 50s characters! @Opalsiren pushed it by making Gracie & Max both Charlotte's grandparents (a nice theory but personally disagree with it). The parallel theme wouldn't be surprising if it was Zane being his grandson - but ultimately not following in his footsteps. And given Taryn Marler played Julia before coming in as Sophie Benjamin - any fanfiction writer worth their salts could have seen a potential plot there. So by that logic, the fandom had been playing it safe. But I, for one, push boundaries. If canon went out of its way to make the granddaughter of a former mermaid an antagonist, why can't one of the main protagonists be related to an antagonist?

2. Did anyone ever question the fact that looking back, Karl believed Julia when she told him her secret? Put some realism here: This was the 50s! It would make more cinematic sense that Karl would think she was crazy with her confession or just outright not believe her and the next scene where Julia revealed herself to him would flow better (but even that didn't). We can imagine that talk in many ways, but the main gist is that she told him and he believed her on the first try - got angry and insulted her, but still believed her. That's an incredibly important detail for someone only mentioned once! And yet, he tried to expose her and while we know he was thwarted, are we supposed to believe nothing came of the only other guy outside of Max Hamilton that knew about mermaids?

Now, here's why Rikki being his granddaughter makes sense (with many dashes of irony).

There's a lack of information about Rikki's family other than her father, Terry. While some people believe that Rikki's mother left and is better off without her, there is no mention of her extended family from either her parents' side, which could imply that Rikki wants to keep her family matters private or simply doesn't know much about them. This poses an interesting question: how did Karl, who was presumably from a wealthy family, end up with a granddaughter living in a trailer park? I theorize that Karl's obsession with mermaids might hold the key to this mystery. It's hard to believe that someone like Karl would find out about mermaids and just leave Julia alone after one attempt. I even wager Karl might have posed a threat to Mako Island and that Julia took action (personal and for the sake of the Secret) to protect it. As a result, Karl was disowned and humiliated by his proud and prominent family and left town. Sometime after this, Karl had a child, who could be either Terry or Rikki's mom, but they cut all ties with him, Rikki would never be told about Karl or his obsession with mermaids because they thought he was crazy and mermaids didn't exist.

And then, there's the personality flaws. Karl believed Julia was a mermaid (and Julia exposing herself just sealed away any lingering doubts) and Rikki becomes a mermaid and immediately takes to it. Next, they are distrustful. This follows Karl as he had Julia's trust (she let him in) and betrayed her and whatever followed caused his life to go downhill and likely left him a guarded and mistrustful man from his experiences. Rikki has always had trust issues, even when she learned to be open with her friends, regardless of personal issues or whoever came close to the Secret. Despite the fact Charlotte had many reasons to know about mermaids and Gracie being one, she openly rejected the idea - especially Charlotte being one - listening to Louise's words that there are only supposed to be three mermaids. Any mature fan of H2O likely recognizes the girls were just as much to blame for Charlotte going rogue as Charlotte getting a superiority complex about being a mermaid (stemming from their treatment of her). Rikki was the only one refusing to try to get to know her and enabled seeing her as the villain of the story when her actions - ironically betraying the rebel idea of trying something new - also caused Charlotte's downfall. And lastly is the hypocrisy Karl and Rikki share. Karl was angry with Julia for not trusting him with her Secret (for good reason in the end), yet came around only when it fit his needs and wants. With Rikki, I bring up Charlotte again - notably the volleyball game. While already displeased with Charlotte being a mermaid and having Cleo's powers - it wasn't until Charlotte made herself useful in their plight to not fail P.E. and helped them win beach volleyball (working together) that Rikki began to come around to her...until Charlotte revealed she had all their powers, to which the momentary sense of camaraderie went down the drain and Rikki upped her antagonism towards her. Let me reiterate: Rikki liked Charlotte as long as she was useful. I'd even extend it to Bella Hartley, how after Charlotte and Emma were gone, she let her inside, and given that she was an outlier with her issues and there was a space to fill, there were no problems outside Will. Lastly, Karl wanted to use Julia for greed and ambition, and Rikki - having always aspired to rise above her living situation - in a similar vein, turned her Secret into a lucrative diving/treasure-hunting career that brought her fame and attention.

Perhaps the redeeming quality is that after the pain Karl caused Julia, and for how Rikki grew up to end up in her shoes and loves her tail, she's placed in the best position to be one of Mako's protectors and to understand the value of being a mermaid - and the costs that come with it. But let's be honest, if this was canon, Rikki would not be okay with the revelation as - compared to Charlotte - her familial connection to Mako Island and mermaids is conflicting as knowing she's directly related to the man who once hurt Julia (her counterpart) and a threat to the very Secret she loved.

So at best, Rikki's flaws are the worst traits she got from Karl as his granddaughter while spiritually taking after Julia (with room for improvement) is what saves her from turning out like him.

[cleabellanov]

Jet-Skiing through Identity: A Deep Dive into Mobius M. Mobius (final part)

"Part of the journey is the end" (Tony Stark in Avengers Endgame")

l find it so beautiful that this character managed to bring the Loki fandom so far with him 🧡

He didn't even have a popular background in the comics, we only got to know him because of the show. He started as a sidekick and comedic relief, an analyst with bright ideas that no one believed was going to work and a soft spot for broken things.

Then, he became a rebel breaking out from the organization that indoctrinated his whole life and the life of others. A fighter for free will. A lost man, never wanting to look or to know, but not so lost when he has the 1 he loves next to him.

And through all of it, a kind person, with a golden heart still speaking too loudly to be ignored - no matter what. And the sun still shines over that pulse, even if the rest of the world doesn't.

Let's dive into the last part of this series.

We get to meet Mobius's original self: Don, in "Science/Fiction". His joyous nature and opening to strangers makes you want to trust him. Don is basically a Mobius that never got to experience the horrors of the TVA. That is telling us how much of his character was restrained because of them, and how much was simply erased from memory. Even if his core self stayed, it had to stay very deep within, hidden, for Mobius not to get hurt by the TVA's rules.

A similarity between Don and Mobius is the deep care Don has for his loved ones: that's the thing motivating him in spite of risks. I also love how, even confused, Don seeks good. "Are you really my friend?" shows how, even if he doesn't understand this all, he knows it can be for the better. He even likes the sound of "Mobius" :

In the sixth and final episode, "Glorious Purpose", we get to some of my favorites quotes ever. And they're spoken by Mobius (i'll get to them in a minute)

Mobius has always been a weaver of details. But I want to point out how this web intensifies its strength when it comes to Loki. No one there noticed how there's something different going on but Mobius. Because, if to be loved is to be changed, to love is to change. And they both know that.

Then comes this epic conversation between Loki, who timeslips back to his first day at the TVA only to talk with Mobius. And it is this final conversation that makes the final piece of the puzzle for Loki. That's how important it is. Warning, tears were shed.

"Mobius, I need your help" "Well, I'm listening"

Even across the vast tapestry of time, the threads uniting Mobius to Loki never break. He'd only just met this variant, yet he's ready to listen, to help him despite every reason he shouldn't. Plus, this is more proof to the golden heart he listens to, of which I talked earlier.

Mobius then talks about how they don't choose at the TVA, the Time Keepers do. See how much of a person's unique way of being and thinking is repressed here if Mobius, who already shows to be open minded, gives this as an automatic response? Obviously it's a result of the constant indoctrination system that they live in, that wipes memories when things get inconvinient.

And the way he speaks this line:

Further backs up the argument that the TVA is a dystopian-totalitarian society, where even the slightest of emotions are suppressed. And it's not Mobius's fault that he had to do the same.

"Most purpose is more burden than glory"

To the Loki Mobius thinks he's talking to, this probably wouldn't mean much. But to season 2 Loki, it is everything, a hurtful summary for what he has been enduring for centuries.

And Mobius is right: he wasn't only talking to Loki when he said that line. I wonder how many of you reading this were searching for glory, only to find the burden that you have to bear instead. Then realize that it's better to bear the burden and have the purpose, then lose the purpose altogether. This is why it's one of my favorite lines: it references all the way back to Avengers 2012, and it gets right to your heart.

But how do you live with the burden? I have some things to say about Mobius's reply to this, too:

"Scar tissue"

So, in the end, it becomes part of you.

Similar to the Kintsugi art of mending objects, not by trying to hide what was broken, but by making those fissures part of the object's history.

And scar tissue, just like Kintsugi, is always stronger than it was before the deep injury healed. What Mobius is saying is, that even after choosing to bear the burden of preserving the Sacred Timeline, after all that hurt, it also made him stronger.

"She knew the hard thing to do was the thing that had to be done"

This is the final trigger, what made Loki "tick". Because, just as Mobius learned that from his past, Loki knows it is the last option he has in his future. And that is the hard thing to do. I don't think I "can bear to narrate what happens next".

"No, there's no comfort. You just choose your burden."

Little did he know he would, in fact, find comfort in Loki, and the other way around. But the burden had to be chosen in order for the purpose to be completed.

And we get to the end. There is no need for imagery for any of us since I know the final shots of the Loki series have been haunting us since November.

But there he is, free to do whatever he wants. He could take Sylvie's example and live his life, wander off from timeline to timeline now that all of them are safe. But he doesn't.

He just lets time pass.

Because, after all the development he went through, all the insight and glory he gained, he can't move on without Loki by his side. He probably didn't even realize how much he loves them before remaining all alone.

So he does the one thing he can, and knows best: he lets time pass. As if, when enough of it had gone by, he could start passing with time too. But not yet.

Part of the journey is the end. But isn't every end a new beginning?

[astral1s]

Step 1: Basic OOC Information

Please start by providing the following details:

Your Alias, Timezone, & Pronouns: alyx, EST, she/her

Muse’s Name(s): cesar vicente

Tagging System Link: interactions: cesar, visage: cesar, inspiration: cesar

First Part of Your App ( Optional! ): [ oscar isaac, cis man,  he/him ] Look who just landed! CESAR VINCENTE, I sure hope you packed all you need. Perhaps you’re not worried as LEADER/POLITICIAN of THE GOLDEN TEARS/CITY OF NEW JAKARTA. The city has plenty of spots for a 45 year old HUMAN like you. You’ll be known in the city soon enough as THE SHADOW KING, being CHARMING and TWO-FACED.

Step 2: Muse’s Statistics

Full Name:  cesar valentin vicente

Nickname: n/a

Date of Birth: August 7th, 2360

Gender:  cis man

Pronouns: he/him

Sexual Orientation: bisexual

Romantic Orientation:  demiromantic

Current Age: 45

Modification: human

Affiliation: the golden tears

Birthplace: new jakarta

Current Neighbourhood: sora

Occupation: politician / leader of the golden tears

Known Languages: English, Spanish

Step 3: Choose Your Creation Style

Now, it’s time to personalise your introduction by choosing from the options below. Select one option (A - G) or a combination of them that best fits your muse’s story or personality. Let’s dive in and get creative!

OPTION A) TRADITIONAL BIOGRAPHY

THE BEGINNING: You were a wide-eyed thing buried deep in the slums of New Jakarta. You came from a home that was too cramped for your family, with too many siblings to count and parents who gave up on their offspring after the fifth child arrived. The harsh conditions of your upbringing taught you how to adapt to situations, but it also left you starving for a bigger purpose in life. As a child, that idea was to save the world--- or at least help children like you live a better life than you were dealt. Your starry-eyed beliefs led you to other like-minded individuals, and slowly, each one of you began to brainstorm ways to help bring equality to the city. You truly thought you were going to change the world for the better, but as you grew up, you learned that perhaps it's the world that changes you.

THE MIDDLE: Your childhood self disappeared and was replaced by a determined young man. You went off to college to help better your standing in life, choosing to focus on political science with the goal of changing this city through government connections. You were still as idealistic as ever, longing to play the role of a hero in New Jakarta's story, but that changed once you left college and began to get more involved with the political scene of the city. You began to learn that idealistic dreams won't get you the results you craved, so you began sacrificing bits and pieces of your soul in order to accomplish your tasks. Eventually, you began to abandon your dream of bringing equality to the people and focused more on your political career, even becoming the head of the Golden Tears in the process. You became a shadow of your former self, a snake who had shed his original skin, but you didn't care as long as you benefited in the end. That's what it was all about, right? Providing a better life for the kid who grew up in the slums?

THE END: As your youth faded away, you saw that idealistic kid as nothing more than a phantom memory. Your bright eyes and wide smile transformed into a faux warmth that carefully hid the coldness underneath and a ghost of a smirk carefully adorning your features. You became a pillar of your community as you took on the role of a senator who fought for equality and care for the most underprivileged citizens, only to turn around and supply the upper class with weapon parts and test subjects in the shadows. You were a two-sided coin, a shapeshifter who became whatever anyone wanted you to be in order to better yourself and your empire, and you had no regrets about how your future unfolded. You held the city in the palm of your hand, and you intended to do whatever it took to keep it that way. If you have to utter fake promises to the citizens, then so be it. They only need to see what's in the light--- not what's lurking in the shadows.

OPTION B) INSPIRATIONS

Show us what inspired your muse! Provide a Pinterest board that represents your muse and answer the following:

Pinterest link

Quote:  "Your hands are wet with the blood of an empire, you lick it off."

Label or Archetype:  The shadow king

Tropes :  the corrupt idealist, the two-faced politician, the charming hypocrite

Media Parallels:  frank underwood (house of cards), petyr baelish (game of thrones), cyrus beene (scandal)

Theme Song:  the devil is a gentleman by marci raines

[springtimesdaughter]

Hey Annon! I apologize for not replying sooner. I was avoiding PJO for awhile because of some conflict I had with some people, but I have been working on updating my Percy Jackson/Ethan Nakamura story. It won't be out any time soon, but it's been a couple years and my writing has improved a lot, plus there are scenes I want to add and change. I've been working on it the past couple of months. The new story already having 7,000 words and not even halfway through the outline I have. I can't tell you when it will be out (I have school and a job plus family obligations that I need to focus on) but I will get this done even if it takes me another six months to finish.

Thank you for the Percy/Ethan brainrot and ideas, and they were fun to look at, I didn't reply to any of it because I'm organized to an extreame degree and decided I needed to make a side blog for my PJO stuff before I could reply. Anyway here are some of my thoughts that have been long in the making.

1. That's such a cool idea. One that is really cute and sweet but one that I won't be including in this version of the story. Maybe I'll write another one with that detail, but I'm wierd like that and would deep dive the subject and end up learning about a very specific rural tradition about one village in an isolated prefecture and get so far off track from where I started. I'll keep the idea in mind, but my version of Percy and Ethan wouldn't do this simply because on the off chance that they get caught having similar iteams they wouldn't want to risk the safety of the other. In a timeline where the circumstances weren't as dire they sure would, but in this one? They already know what they are doing is very dangerous and any more risk could upend everything. Maybe I'll explore why they don't do it in the fic? IDK depends on how my writing goes.

2. Not at first they don't. They are so awkward in the begining and honestly cautious. Ethan because this is Percy Jackson someone with sometimes incomprehendedable strengths and powers, he wants to keep some distance, and Percy because Ethan could be a threat to his family and friends and he doesn't want them to get hurt. However after they get closer and start to realize any meeting could be their last? They hug all the time, stay in the others personal space, and soak up the presence of the other like it will replenish their strength. They don't do it in more public spaces though, who knows who is watching. However in more private settings they will be inseparable.

3. Them meeting multiple times on opposing sides before the Battle of Manhatten, mostly smaller missions and sometimes by surprise. Neither wanting to hurt eachother but knowing they have to keep up appearances. A new demigod saved from a hoard of monsters deciebed it like a deadly ballet. Both precise in the way they move, but sometimes almost manic in energy and controlled chaos. It was beautiful and unnerving and the new demigod would wonder what would happen if they even fought together on the same side. Of course no one would ever see them dance on the same side but it was just as much a beauty to watch them fight against eachother.

For some context the fic annon was referencing and I wrote is

Love Amongst War

The original version was posted in 2021 but this version is from 2022 and I hope to publish a new version in 2024.

And hey Annon you can send more asks to this account! The ask box should be open. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts.

To close out here is some of the stuff that will be in the new version of the story

- Percy and Ethan often split sweet treats multiple times. Ethan always makes sure they are split exactly in half.

- Ethan opens up about the cabin ideas earlier and many of the ideas he told Percy get implemented even if Ethan never gets to see them, Percy was always listening and what mattered to Ethan mattered to Percy.

[savventeen]

I JUST BINGED YOUR ENTIRE “THANKS FOR PLAYING” AND I HAD TO STOP MYSELF FROM CRYING IN THE LIVING ROOM AND GODDAMN I GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS/IDEAS so here’s a dump lmao

AND SPOILERS ‼️‼️

and be honest if you honestly don’t have any idea or want to leave it up for interpretation

dino’s friend recommended it to him and he recommended it to mc right? well what happened to that friend/person?? i bet they are alive because they sent that game to 13 people before 3 am so the lady in the closet doesn’t get to them 🤭

if mc didn’t mess around and acted seriously in the game, would the outcome have changed? or was it always the gamemaster’s intention for the player to fall into obscurity?

how come dino remembered the mc? power of love??? or because he knew about the game (im pulling stuff out of my ass)?? or he has an android phone in this au 🧐

what if the pfps for the “AIs” are actually previous victims

so if you actually finish the game against all odds everyone is released (if they aren’t dead) hmmmmm sequel merhaps?? jk

imagine the only clue left about the players existence is the goddamn phone bill for texting 💀

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MC????? wait that’d be really sad if the mc was actually still alive but dino couldn’t recognize them as “mc” but knows they exist somehow uGH

i know you wrote this story for fun so these don’t need to have answers/comments but please provide any extra tidbits of info about this concept it’s so interesting 🙏🙏

SKLJDFLKSDJF OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING????? AND IM SO HONORED HOLY SHIT I WILL DO MY ABSOLUTE BEST TO ANSWER WHAT I CAN 😭💜

also you are not the only one with questions so I'm going to do my best to answer them all here!!!

[for anyone who hasn't read it yet and wants to know wtf we're talking about, you can read the entirety of my .|X| THANKS FOR PLAYING |X|. smau here!]

*cracks knuckles* alrighty buckle up folks time to try and answer some questions and take a deep dive into savv’s personal TFP lore here we gooooooooooooo

[putting it all under a readmore bc it got long af and also i didn't realize how hard it would be to translate the lore in my brain into words??????? i somehow didn't realize how oddly complicated it is??? like writing all of this out in any kind of semi-coherent way was SO HARD sdkjfsdlkjf]

~ Was it all a dream? (this one was asked by @junhui-recs)

Sadly, no. 😭 In the reality of this fictional universe, a tragedy very much did happen and Dino and MC are very much suffering from it 🥲 (I will not stop you from imagining that it was all a dream tho, we all have different ways of coping dklsjfsklj <3)

~ What's the main purpose of the game? Why are they doing this? (this one asked by @diamondyjh)

OKAY SO to start off you need to know that this au was heavily inspired by an episode of a podcast called "The Magnus Archives", specifically the episode “Binary” (transcript here). [If you're a fan of horror, I highly recommend giving the episode a listen/read, it's delightfully creepy — you don't need to have listened to any of the other episodes to understand it (just stop at the ending 'supplemental' part)]

The episode goes into detail about this sort of digital urban legend/creepypasta/copypasta about a guy named Sergey Ushanka who, long story short, tried to upload his brain/consciousness into a computer because he was afraid of death and wanted to try living forever virtually. There are tame versions of how he did it and other much more brutal ones, but basically "Sergey Ushanka" is a prank that various coders/programmers like to pull when making chatboxes in which you could talk with "strangers". It would start out normal and then steadily devolve into something creepy. This paragraph taken directly from the episode transcript sums it up very nicely:

"But then the responses start to break down, become more sinister, and keep referring to how much pain Sergey is in. Eventually, the only response the bot gives you is screaming and pleas to be released. The idea is that the chatbot is Sergey Ushanka’s mind, and he doesn’t like being in a computer nearly as much as he’d hoped."

So the idea that I stole from the episode essentially was: but what if it was real? What would the reality of being turned into cold, unfeeling data feel like? Agony is what the episode posits. Here is a list of phrases that the Sergey in the episode uses:

cw: vague body horror, blood mention "the angles cut me when I try to think" / "it peels my mind like knives" / "it feels like thinking through cheese wire" / "there's no feeling, but the no feeling hurts" / "it's cold without blood" / "the maze is sharp on my mind"

My next thought process was: What happens after? If someone were able to survive this process and were somehow able to keep any kind of agency, how would that person try to get out of the digital hellscape that has now become their existence? After knowing what it feels like to become distinctly inhuman, wouldn't they do anything to feel human again?

And how do we feel human? How do we find connection with each other and our humanity without ever having to come in contact with another person?

Stories. Fiction and non-fiction alike, we are all connected through storytelling, by finding feeling through other people's words. The thing about stories, though, is that they aren't messy in the same way that actually feeling our feelings is. That being human is.

So what does all of this have to do with the purpose of the game?

Essentially, when it's all boiled down, in this universe the story of Sergey Ushanka is real, and in this universe he is trying to gain his humanity back by stealing that of others. He started off with stories, with whatever online libraries and resources and archives he could find across the internet. And while it wasn't even close to enough to satisfy him, to get rid of any of the pain he was constantly experiencing, it was enough for him to learn, to grow, to realize that if he wanted his humanity back, he needed to go to the source.

So he started stealing real people from the real world, with all of their messy feelings and emotions and humanness.

That is the purpose of the game, why "they" are doing this. (pls don't ask the how bc i don't have an answer for that, just -waves hands- you know, insert your supernatural/sci-fi explanation of choice sldkflksj)

~ Did all the other characters from the game also get pulled into it the same way reader did? (asked by @diamondyjh) / What if the pfps for the “AIs” are actually previous victims

Short answer, yes to both! (Longer answer in the next question lol)

~ Who are those other people? (asked by @junhui-recs)

Essentially, the other characters/bots/whatever you want to call them are a kind of amalgamation of all the previous players who got sucked into the game. Once someone's been... let's call it absorbed, whatever parts of themselves are left after the process basically get shoved into whatever "character" they fit best, sometimes different pieces going to different characters.

And while the pictures could just be random ones, I like the idea that they're taken from the most recent players that got absorbed :')

~ Why was Changkyun evil? (asked by @junhui-recs)

Well, the main reason he was "evil" was because he's, y'know, a part of the game and the game is trying to steal people's souls or whatever. As for why he's mean, that's because he's trying to trigger an emotional reaction. The more messy, human feelings that are happening at the time of absorption, the better :').

~ Dino’s friend recommended it to him and he recommended it to mc right? What happened to that friend/person??

"i bet they are alive because they sent that game to 13 people before 3 am so the lady in the closet doesn’t get to them 🤭" SJKDFSKLDJ this made me snort, so thank you 😂

BUT to answer your question, in the story, Dino says that Yeonjun gave it to him and that he got it from "a friend of a friend of a roommate". Because the absorption and the consequent complete erasure is such a big process, not everyone who plays gets sucked in. In fact, most people who play don't get sucked in. Which is why Yeonjun is totally fine! (And why the friend of the friend of the roommate, aka this universe's irl Changkyun, is not 🥲)

~ If mc didn’t mess around and acted seriously in the game, would the outcome have changed? Or was it always the gamemaster’s intention for the player to fall into obscurity?

This one's a little bit complicated. It's kind of a yes and no situation? Generally speaking, the game isn't looking to ensnare every single person who plays because 1) it takes A Lot Of Effort to take/erase a single person, and 2) the game needs to spread to other people somehow, thus it needs people to play it and then tell other people to play it too.

For MC specifically, though, it's hard to say. How they played the game didn't matter so much as how they reacted to the game, specifically the first phase(s) of the Mnemosyne Protocol. The whole point of the game is to get big, messy, emotional responses, so if MC hadn't had such a big reaction, the game probably would have turned out differently. That being said, if MC had played the game as blandly as possible, the game might not have ever decided to test out the Mnemosyne Protocol, so. *shrugs* Do with that what you will lol.

~ So if you actually finish the game against all odds everyone is released (if they aren’t dead) hmmmmm sequel merhaps?? jk

Sadly, nothing special happens if you finish the game 😭 Plenty of people finish the game and pretty much go "huh, that was cool I guess" and then move on with their lives after telling their friends about it. This can be said about all four games mentioned actually, since we only see one of them get played.

As for a sequel... almost certainly not 🥲 I'm not going to give a hard no/no forever, because who knows if I'll end up getting another idea/get suddenly struck with inspiration, but... it is Extremely unlikely. Another story in the same universe??? ...still not likely, but slightly more likely than a sequel lol.

~ Why is Dino the only one who remembers reader? (asked by @diamondyjh) / How come Dino remembered the mc? Power of love??? Or because he knew about the game (im pulling stuff out of my ass)?? Or he has an android phone in this au 🧐

I almost want to make the answer "bc he has an android" because that is So Funny to me like sldkfjsldkjfslkjdf amazing 😂

But no, that's not the case lmao. And while I am a huge sucker for the Power of Love being an unstoppable force (ESPECIALLY when it's non-romantic love!!!), the reason Dino and only Dino remembers is thanks to sheer luck and a glitch.

So, in episode 28, MC drops their phone when meeting their brother and in episode 29 we see the alert ".|| MNEMOSYNE PROTOCOL COMPLETE ||." show up on a cracked screen.

The final phase of the Mnemosyne Protocol is the erasure portion, and the reason players get erased instead of just like, disappearing is because their "essence" is basically being transferred from reality into this digital realm of Sergey's existence. And reality, because it's now lacking an entire person and their history, just kinda... rewrites itself to make sense with the missing gap. Think of it as the universe doing like a sort of reverse autocorrect.

But because MC's phone got broken in the middle of that transfer, there was a slight glitch in the process. A glitch wherein Dino, because he was on the opposite side of the globe when this was happening, got accidentally missed in the autocorrection process. If he had been in Korea (or heck, anywhere within a few thousand miles) when this happened, he would have forgotten MC as well.

So long story short, Dino was just extremely (un?)lucky 🥲

~ Where is reader? (asked by @junhui-recs) / WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MC????? Wait that’d be really sad if the mc was actually still alive but dino couldn’t recognize them as “mc” but knows they exist somehow uGH

Well, sad news here friends. Most of what's left of MC is now stuck inside the game. They got absorbed and are now a part of Sergey's dataset and will be used/distributed into "characters" as needed.

Notice that I said most. Because, thanks to the glitch, the part of them that was connected to Dino didn't get transferred properly, and now that part of them is kinda stuck — it no longer exists in the real world, but it also didn't get fully absorbed into the game.

Which leads me to the next question:

~ Did reader turn evil and try to pull Dino into the game or is it the game itself being evil and impersonating reader to lure Dino in? (asked by @diamondyjh)

When I wrote the original version of this, the answer was a kind of combination of both — MC had gotten absorbed and corrupted by the game, so while it was the MC reaching out, they were doing so because it was what the game wanted.

But in this version... It's actually neither! Which I think would normally be a good thing but I think in this instance actually just makes this sadder oops.

So, the epilogue isn't the game impersonating MC and it isn't an "evil" MC trying to lure Dino in, it's actually just the part of MC that got stuck during the glitchy transfer. This is why the messages show as being from "Unknown" instead of the phone number associated with the game. And the reason what's left of MC asks Dino if he wants to play a game is because that's the only way it knows how to connect with anything anymore.

Basically, this sliver of MC that's left is experiencing what the original Sergey went through when he first "uploaded" himself, but instead of reaching out to anyone through a chatbot for help, it's reaching out to the only thing it "remembers" about humanity — Dino.

...I honestly didn't mean to make this story any sadder than it already is and I'm glad that the epilogue by itself just reads as spooky/freaky as hell instead of, well, this. 🥲

~ If Dino plays the game, will he be reunited with reader? (asked by @diamondyjh)

It pains me to say that there is no longer an MC for Dino to reunite with 😭 The part of them that got absorbed by the game is, well, a part of the game now. And the piece of them that's left and trying to reach out to him? Well, like I said, it's just a piece.

There could potentially be a chance for him to find some closure here, but that's about it I'm afraid :')

And now because I want this to end on a more lighthearted note:

~ Imagine the only clue left about the players existence is the goddamn phone bill for texting 💀

It becomes the next biggest conspiracy, that there's someone (or a group of someones) out there completing the world's next biggest scam by raking up random people's phone bills and somehow finding a way to steal the profit lmao

~ Some last thoughts from savv:

If y'all made it all the way to the end of this... holy shit I applaud you sldkfjsdlkjflksjdf LIKE!!!

thank you for taking the time to read all of this?????? it's not even fic it's just me rambling and making things Even Sadder??????

i also want to say that i'm a believer that 'canon' is whatever was posted in the story itself and that anything else is just headcannon, even if it's from me, the author. so if you don't like/don't agree with anything i've said here, feel free to ignore it!! fill in any gaps/questions you have in the way that makes your reading experience the most enjoyable!!

but yeah tHANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING AND I HOPE THESE ARE SATISFACTORY ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS AND IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE/HAVE A RENEWED DESIRE TO FIGHT ME MY INBOX IS OPEN SDKLJFSLKJFLSKFJSLKD

[trickarrows-bishop]

Loui, I've gone mad....

you know how I have a talent for making terrible people worse?

:D

I had an idea for a beautiful au that makes demon baby somehow more tragic!

:D

-side note I have just spent an hour deep diving into Christian Demonology......so know that I'm definitely getting religious advertisements because of this. The things we do for art-

So here goes!

You know how people have pointed out the minor plot whole of Lily's family producing 'Six generations' of Halo-Barers, despite the whole 'nun-no-sexytimes' thing? And that Lilith does NOT get an alternative option? I fixed both of those, by adding terrible people!

General notes:

The beings from the other realm classified as Major archdemons ie Reya and Adrial, and Lessor archdemons.

The Lessor Archdemons have the following characteristics.

Generally embody one of the 'deadly sins'

Maintain strict morality defined by and loyalty to those they perceive as above them.

Single minded obsessive drive, usually directed towards a goal by a Major Archdemon.

Limited unique abilities.

Rapid healing

Ok on to the au!

Mary and Shannon are training when baby-nun Lily is brought to the convent. Mary at first is just, 'oh God this kid came pre-installed with nepotism', but over time she's realizes that oh no this kid legit cannot comprehend life and existence out of this #onepurpose she has been given.

That and she's a little suspicious about the whole pipeline automatically just knows this kid is the next barer, even before she arrives. So her and Shannon start digging.

At first they just uncover basic information about Lily's family, like a list of the Halo-Barers, along side the dossier created by the Mother Superion of the time.

Alecto - unique ability was control of fire. Noted to spend more time 'accompanying the towns men's than is strictly appropriate.

Amy - unique ability was the ability to summon an astral bird she could use as her eyes and ears. Noted to swipe small easily missed objects while on mission, to be hoarded in the room behind her walls.

Miriam - unique ability to influence via a whisper, allowing her to discreetly empty a room. Rarely seemed to actually kill the wraiths, content to remove and vanish them, relied on her sisters for the bulk of fighting.

Grimora - unique ability to create an illusion of herself to distract enemies. This ability drained her and caused her to need to eat nearly three times that of her sisters.

Ivy - unique ability to see the immediate future, allowing her to know what possible attacks would come before they are made. Her file has a note that her Mother Superion worried that she deliberately chose painful bloody actions, seemingly loving the fight.

Valerie - unique ability is to read surface level thoughts of those she meets. Sister Valerie was a noted climber, frequently switching convents until she died in battle while defending a small town just outside of Rome.

While these were interesting, they didn't really say much about the family itself, although Shannon did learn that apparently there was a hidden room behind the wall of the Halo-Barers bedroom.

But Mary and Shannon saw an opportunity to investigate further during a trip to Lilith's home where her family invited them to have dinner as a gift from the family of the next barer.

The two sneak off and everyone just kind of assumes they are getting some.....alone time, so no one follows.

Eventually they end up in the family wine cellar, or specifically a small office just off of it, hidden behind some casks.

There they find a book detailing the legacy of the Villaumbrosia Family. It was discovered several centuries ago that on the rare occasion, a Lessor Archdemon will appear in our realm, thought to be the result of large concentrations of wraiths and other demons forming the being as an infant.

The Villaumbrosia family discovered a ritual that could lock away many of the overt characteristics of the demons, leaving a 'human' that is easily directed and controlled, whose abilities would awaken upon contact with artifacts from the other realm.

The church then had the idea of using these occasions to their benefit. Because why waist a human life to be sacrificed as a Halo-Barer when instead they could utilize this demonic thing?

So the Villaumbrosia's would adopt and raise these infants to only obey the church, providing a convenient pawn of absolute loyalty. Each one would be given a name in reference to their demonic heritage, as to remind those around them that they were not human and deserved no consideration Individually.

Unfortunately the halo had a luring effect on them, pulling out the obsessions and 'sins' by mere proximity.

So Shannon and Mary were able to piece together the pieces of information they had gotten. Little Lily was the latest in this chain.

After Shannon died, Mary completes the little analysis as a gift to Lilith, a way to expose the family and end the cycle.

Awakened via Halo:

Alecto - Lust

Amy - Greed

Miriam (Merihem) - Sloth

Grimora (Gemory) - Gluttony

Ivy (Vine) - Wrath

Valerie (Valac) - Envy

Awakened via travel to the other realm:

Lilith - Pride, unique ability to manifest wings. This ability was corrupted by the fusion of the tarask, turning what would have been dark feathery wings into what they are today. The Tarask also altered the healing capabilities to produce divinium and scales, as well as granting her their teleportation abilities.

Reya rejects these beings as she feels they are another example of a bastardization of her realm. A stolen child turned weapon. She seeks to destroy them, sending her tarask followers to attack. This is why there has not been a sighting of one for so long before the series.

Lilith's fusion with the Tarask has afforded her some immunity to this, as she is an altogether different creature.

Do you see my vision!?!?!?!?

ngl this was a lot of information for someone who woke up and went back to sleep what has felt like fifteen times bUT AYOOOOOOOOOO I SEE THE VISION

[borreloadsavagedragon]

Maybe Mizael and/or Takeru for the ask meme?

OH! I'll do both absolutely

MIZAEL

First impression: TERRIFIED!! He was stupidly pretty and had a dragon, I knew he would end up a favorite, but I didn’t know how MUCH of a favorite, I needed to know what his problem was dhdhdhd

Impression now: I can't even put into words how much I love Mizael sometimes omfg, he had such an impact on me and I'm a little saddened at how quickly he was removed from the story in the end I need to rewatch more of his scenes, I'm very insecure about how I write Mizael and I really want to get his voice down One day I’ll finish his cosplay wig too, if I style all of the wigs for my favorite ships, I can convince people to cosplay with me surely (copium)

Favorite moment: His introduction is wild, like both him arriving to Alito and Girag but also him challenging Yuma Miza just shows up, shoots Tori with an energy blast, and then is just like we're dueling But then COMPLETELY forgets about Yuma as soon as Kaito shows up and whips his dragon out Also love when they have their little Barian meetings where they just bicker, they're truly real housewives

Idea for a story: I always have Mizael and Kaito ideas gjdkslajg Whether they're fics or oneshots, time usually tells, but my drafts definitely have quite a few for them saved Usually lots of dragon focused ones, obsessed with the idea of Photon and Tachyon eloping and them having to just deal with it Mizael going over dragons with Haruto...

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if there is anything the small Miza community doesn't agree on honestly jgdsklaj I'll just start drama, Miza's not a natural blonde

Favorite relationship: I feel like I don’t even need to say haha, Kaito and Mizael are incredible and I am cursing Zexal forever for not giving them more time because I feel like I'm blowing out steam looking at all of the loose threads I also love how much Durbe and Mizael respect each other, there's clearly a bond there between them, wish we saw it more I also wish we could have seen more of Mizael and Nasch since you can tell Mizael revered him quite a bit-

Favorite headcanon: Mizael 100% moved in with the Tenjos!!!!!!!

TAKERU

First impression: Oh I KNEW I was gonna love him the second I saw his face omg I did the bad fan thing where I had to pull up the wiki bc the Vrains episode I was watching at the time didn't answer a really niche question I had about something someone said and the "related pages" tab on Yusaku's character page had Takeru's face on it So I had to find him I speedran my Vrains watch to get to him and boy was I rewarded

Impression now If you asked me in 2021 who my favorite yugioh was, I'd tell you Takeru Homura in a heartbeat Literally was only dethroned as my favorite by Kaito recently Takeru would be the next character I deep dive and dissect if given the chance, I just think he's so cool, I love how well done he is, I think he's one of the best done characters in the franchise His deck is fun, his design is fun, I've cosplayed both Takeru AND Soulburner now, working on slick back look one day when I don't have cosplay deadlines I just... love him, he's one of my favorite voices to write through, I always find an excuse to drabble as Takeru, whether it's something I post or not, and I am always at home when it's with him

Favorite moment: ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!! BOTH OF THE DUELS WITH REV! HIS INITIAL ENTRANCE! HIS FLASHBACK SCENES! BEING CRINGEFAIL!!! AAHHHH!!!!

Idea for a story: Oh I've got a REALLY hefty 3+1 fic that's gonna tie in with recoil week that explores all of Takeru's relationships gjdkla Here is a very small bit from the first chapter:

The first time Homura Takeru thought he fell in love, he was a young boy intimidated by a pretty girl. He doesn’t remember many of the details of how he met Kiku. It was a portion of his memories that lived in what feels like a lifetime ago, before everything had suddenly slipped out of his young grip. He just knew that he was a scared boy overwhelmed by her kindness and spirit the moment they met while he was on a trip to visit his grandparents.  It was an instant connection. Kiku had pulled on his hand and pulled him into the light, smiled and laughed with him whereas the other kids at the time hadn’t. He’d almost call it foreshadowing. Having her in his life made the sudden change of up and moving out to the country after his parents’ deaths a little easier. Within a month of moving, they were almost inseparable. And the following years as well, no matter how hard it got.

So stay tuned for that!

Unpopular opinion: I'm so sorry but I'm about to be a hater But the fact that Takeru haters even exist is really fascinating to me since most of his other counterparts are rather beloved Like he's got more fans that haters for sure, but I've seen every single one who has a think piece say "Takeru's only there to show off the card game" as if Salamangreat wasn't released in the OCG until July while Takeru has been showing off the deck since May, but I digress Yusaku's entire arc was finished in season 1, he got all of his answers, protected Ai to the very end, and was ready to move on. Yusaku just being a fix-it man for an entire second season? Would be BORING. So they needed a second voice to duo-lead, a new one with new motivations who hasn't already been shown, but could be tied back in a meaningful way. And what characters were left we knew very little about? The Ignis. What was unveiled in Season 1 about the Ignis? They're tied to six children, and we've now seen 2 of them. Also it's? Yugioh? Do you expect them NOT to show off cards and real strategies so you go spend your real life money on product? Remember Yuri randomly using an Ancient Gear deck in Arc V when the structure was starting to come out? Or most of duelist of the week duelists from GX? The animes are nothing but product placement and rule explanations (nit picking hating, but takeru's also written strangely sometimes, it's rare but some will make him way dumber or submissive than he is)

Favorite relationship: I'm a degenerate and beyond predictable And I've mentioned that I love Firestorm already, but if we're being very honest for a second, I always see it as one-sided with how Yusaku's written with Takeru,,, Like sometimes we overcome that gap and look at the potential because oh my god giving Yusaku someone like Takeru was SUCH a good idea, but I usually see it as a one-sided pining, but a VERY close friendship Yusaku in my head ALWAYS goes to Takeru's village post canon to apologize for leaving BUT I'm a degenerate, as I said about So to say I love Takeru and Ryoken's dynamic, from start to finish, is an understatement I love that they draw out the best of each other and push each other beyond their preexisting limitations as well as the shackles of their pasts I love that Ryoken respected Takeru's feelings so much that he didn't want to insult him by outright refusing the first challenge, but couldn't bring himself to duel knowing it wouldn't resolve anything I love how Soulburner accuses Revolver of not following up on that in Duel Links I fucking love "I'm so glad I met you", above all else I love finally seeing a conclusion to one of the many side rivalries, and I had a renewed appreciation for it after finishing Zexal and realizing what could have been there I also actually like how the dub handled their farewell scene, the promise of future challenges, Revolver promising to be there when they need him, the fond little chuckle

Favorite headcanon (more drug cw on this one!!) It's a weird one and it's kinda personal I guess, but I always write Takeru as sober gkdsa As a punk, I can imagine him dipping into more unsavory behaviors as a way to cope and express when he's struggling to find the next step, so when he decides to start fresh and live a new life, he cuts terrible habits like those cold turkey

[altik-0]

On the Ethics of the IPG

So I just watched a video that hit me very hard, and I encourage anyone who plays Magic: the Gathering (especially at a competitive level!) to watch it. This post is largely a response to it. Not as a critique per-sé (I largely agree with what Jorbs has said here), but adding some additional perspective and expand upon it based on my experiences that I think are relevant.

This is going to be a post that's pretty deep in the weeds about Magic: the Gathering community, culture, and policy. It's also mostly a free-form journal entry to process some thoughts and feelings I have on my end. I hope that I'll be able to convey ideas with some amount of value for external readers to get, but if you see the length and feel your brain shutting off at the Magic jargon, please feel free to pass on, none of this is really that important lol.

Layer 0a: Video Summary

For those who see a 2hr timestamp and nope out, here's a quick breakdown of Jorbs's video:

He shares a story of two players (renamed to Brad and Jessica) who mistakenly run afoul of a particularly arcane and strict rule from Magic's Infraction Procedure Guide ("IPG" moving forward) -- the document which describes various rule violations and what penalties are associated with them at high level competitive play. In this circumstance, the players are given a match loss, which likely knocks both of them out of contention for meaningful placing for prizes in the tournament overall. Brad reacts with a severe emotional breakdown, including what I would describe as a violent outburst, and is thus expelled from the venue for the safety of the remaining players. Brad then posted his experience in a long-form blog post decrying the judges for their actions, and standing firm that he feels he felt no regret for his actions.

Jorbs does a deep dive into the relevant policy, as well as its motivations. He also dives into the specifics of the scenario, removed from the emotional charge of the blog post, and discusses what he feels are reasonable reactions to the situation. He then begins going through the blog post and describing in detail why he found the post emotionally manipulative. Editorializing a little: I generally agree with his read on both the document, and on the unsettling reality that there were so many tweets replying in defense of Brad.

Layer 0b: My Relevant Experience

I used to be very involved in the Magic: the Gathering community. Involved to the point that I became a certified judge (kind of the equivalent of referees for those out-of-the-know), traveled the country on staff for multi-thousand person tournaments, and a central coordinator for my home state. At my peak, I was staffing one event or another on average once per weekend, and often assisting local stores in some capacity multiple times per week outside of that. All of this being done as a kind of side-job -- most of the labor was unpaid, and what was paid didn't pay especially well. Nevertheless, at the time I found this to be a deeply enriching part of my life and a valuable contribution to my local community.

Layer 1: My Reaction to Brad

In my time judging, situations like the one Jorbs discussed were not uncommon. I wouldn't go quite so far as to say I saw one at every event I was on staff at, but it was definitely something I had to keep my eyes peeled for at the top tables for every one. They sucked to issue every time, and it tended to have some tense emotions from players when I had to issue them.

Stepping a bit beyond that, having to issue unfavorable rulings that hurt someone's standings in a tournament were constant. Multiple such calls every round, even at relatively small events. Magic is a complex game, and it's almost impossible to play perfectly. People screw up, and when they do it can sometimes cost them more than they realized was possible. This is an understandably emotionally fraught situation. I'm grateful to say that most Magic players would handle negative rulings like this in stride. Perhaps grumble and try to argue, but cases of escalation like what is described in Brad's post were thankfully rare.

That said, they were not unheard of. In fact, the specific act of going online to write a lengthy diatribe about how "I was wronged by a magic judge today!!!" was painfully common. Frequently over situations much pettier than what Brad experienced here. Jorbs opined multiple times about how the judges were doing their job professionally, and that considering their humanity was also essential. Speaking as someone who has been in that position: yes, I often felt dehumanized by the way people treated me, and it was a significant contributor to my burnout and eventual departure from both judging and Magic as a hobby altogether.

But I don't bring this up to complain about my mistreatment in the role -- in fact, I have much more nuanced thoughts about that I'll get to later. Rather, I would like to highlight something that Jorbs did not discuss outright, but I feel comfortable speaking to: people who feel the need to write up the kind of post that Brad made here, and who have the level of emotional outburst that he had from losing a match at a Magic tournament, are likely doing this more than once. While these kinds of outbursts were rare, the times they did happen were almost exclusively isolated to a small handful of people. The "Brads" in my community were well known to me, and when I saw these people on a player list, I ended up needing to account for them in my preparation for the day so I could cater to the necessary deescalation that would come up should -- god forbid -- a ruling ever go out of their favor.

Jorbs analyzed the situation as Brad being a "strategy gamer" -- someone who has become conditioned to seeking every advantage to win a game. That while not all such "strategy gamers" will do this, some may bend rules or forgo social norms for any edge that may help them win. I can't agree more with this assessment. But I will take it a step further than he did: I feel that the social norms of "strategy gamers", and especially the specific culture that built up in competitive Magic scenes, actively encourages people to become willing to do that rule bending.

Outbursts like what Brad described were rare, but I saw hundreds of small instances of these kinds of behaviors in less extreme fashions during my tenure. People who would complain about prize support not being top-heavy enough (read: they wanted more for winning) and would heckle me to try and negotiate changing it after the fact. People who would grill me for what specific arcane words they could use to perform the exact infraction Jorbs discussed in the video but not technically break the rule so they could get away with it. People who would take advantage of inexperienced players to cheat them out of expensive cards through unfair trades. These kinds of behaviors were uncomfortably common, and shockingly tolerated by the community -- sometimes even celebrated!

And to my dismay, I saw myself falling into these behaviors as well at times. I'd like to believe I was not especially bad about it, and generally tried very hard to be as considerate of everyone around me as I could be. However, I felt the spark of joy from getting very invested in personal improvement in a strategy game, and it's simply a reality that learning to angle shoot and outmaneuver your opponents also necessarily trains the kinds of skills that can be darkly warped into manipulation, deception, and greed. This was another major part of why I left the game, and it is the biggest reason I have struggled to even play the game since.

Layer 2: My Reaction to the Judge Program

I am far from the only person who was both a heavily invested player and also judge for Magic: the Gathering. In fact, I'd say in my experience most judges were seriously invested "strategy gamers", and were very much subject to the same cultural sway that competitive players experience.

As one example that I found particularly sad: the Judge Program used to have a project called "The Exemplar Program." The idea was to celebrate judges performing above-and-beyond acts, and recognize their efforts with a material reward (special promotional cards often worth significant amounts of money). Every season judges would be allocated a number of allotments they could use to nominate people they saw doing cool things.

I found this project a tremendous tool for bolstering my local community. These promotional cards were often inaccessible for lower-level judges through other means, so finding ways that I could send some positive kudos out to people in the community and attach a bit of material weight to it was awesome! I saw a lot of genuine joy in my local area come from this, and I know I wasn't alone in that.

The problem was, these allotments were distributed relative to the judge's level in the program, meaning higher-up judges had more control over the distribution. And because the higher-up judges were often more likely to work with one another than they were to work with the lower level judges making up the vast majority of the program, those rewards were disproportionately given to the folks at the top. In fact, it became something of an open secret that people would nominate one another to ensure that they would each get their pack of foils each quarter. Eventually this became so pervasive, the managers of the project just shut it down entirely.

I bring all of this up because I think it's important to appreciate that judges, like players, are also human. It's fairly common, I find, for judges to be separated away from players as a fundamentally different group of people. Either dehumanized by the upset players who rant and bemoan their "cold", "emotionless" attitudes during a ruling that didn't go their way, or dehumanized by their defenders who see them as "professional event staff". Some may recognize judges as just other players when they aren't on staff, but the moment that the uniform went on, judges got cast into a different social class in the community, and that has serious ramifications that I don't think get confronted very often.

Layer 2: ACAB

I am a white person, comfortably middle class for pretty much my entire life, and presenting as a cisgender man for a good chunk of it. As such, I really wasn't confronted with police violence in any meaningful way for most of my life. I'm grateful for that privilege.

But I was tragically unaware of just how much I benefited from that privilege until much more recently. With the election of Trump in 2016, the rise of fascist mobs from the alt-right such as the march in Charlottesville, and escalating coverage of violence towards black people such as the shooting of Trayvon Martin, I was forced to confront political realities that were a lot darker than I had felt from my relatively sheltered life. While I had always considered my politics to be "progressive", I realized I was really not as well informed as I thought I was.

So I started becoming more politically literate. I got involved in activist groups and started doing outreach to vulnerable populations in my community. I got involved in much more diverse and progressive online communities. I started speaking with queer and neurodivergent people more consistently, and came to realize I fit better into both those categories than I had ever felt comfortable acknowledging before.

And more than anything, I started learning just how fucked up cops are.

I'm not going to do a breakdown of prison abolition arguments here -- it's a topic with a lot of depth, and honestly Angela Davis has already written a better introduction to it than I could hope to. But for our purposes here, there are a few social realities about police we need to acknowledge before moving on:

Police are separated into a unique class role, defined by their monopolized control of violence in our communities. Regardless of whether you feel that the police are doing a job that protects our community or not, it is inarguable that their role is one that wields violence to exert power over others.

The role of police is to protect property, not people. And when I say "property", I really mean "the property of the wealthy aristocrats" -- any Magic player who has had a binder stolen out of their car knows just how hard it is to get police to care about their personal property, but how easy it is for a big box store like Target to bring in cops to protect their Magic stock from getting shoplifted.

Police are human, and bring their human biases into their actions. While police are ostensibly supposed to be enforcing an objective set of rules in a consistent way, we know that in practice they do not. And tragically often, these biased actions can have deadly consequences.

I hold the belief that policing, as an institution, is fundamentally a corrupt institution that serves the purpose of oppression. I'm fairly indifferent to whether individual police officers you may know are "one of the good ones" -- at the end of the day, we see the systemic effects of policing all around us, and they are not just imperfect, they are actively harmful. As such, I advocate for the dissolution of prisons and policing as systems entirely, replaced with more humane solutions, such as Restorative Justice programs.

Layer 3: Judges are Kinda Magic Cops

So bringing this back: as I refocused political education, I began seeing more of the small reflections of broad socioeconomic issues in the smaller parts of society that specifically touched me. Since I have been processing my departure from the judge program at the same time, it's unsurprising that I've drawn some specific parallels. And one that sticks out particularly is how uncomfortably similar the judge program is to the institution of police.

Upfront I will acknowledge: this is not a perfect mapping. Most importantly, Magic judges do not have power of violence over players. The most drastic thing judges have direct authority to do is disqualifying someone from a tournament. Ostensibly they could kick someone out of a venue, but in practice they wouldn't enforce that, the venue security team would. This is not a minor point: the violence inflicted by the police is by far the most critical aspect of their oppressive power.

But in practice, judges do have tremendous sway over how events are run, and what the outcomes for players in that event get to experience. Beyond that, I find most judges -- especially those of higher level -- are given social clout that gives them sway beyond the realms of a single event, and into their local community at large. I certainly was put in this position during my time in the program, and I absolutely leveraged that power many times. I'd like to believe that I typically used this for good, such as convincing store owners to grant me some space in their store on a weekly basis so I could teach players interested in learning the rules better. But I also feel confident I perpetuated harm in my time in the role, such as imposing beliefs that I had about running tournaments without earnest engagement with the community around me before doing that advocacy.

And I can certainly testify to harm done by other judges in the program due to biases they held. As a particularly egregious example: I once got into a conversation with a judge who openly stated he would not invoke penalties for hate speech directed towards players with marginalized identities because "it's more important to protect the political free speech of white supremacists than to protect the comfort of players in a Magic tournament". For additional context: this judge spoke those words in the company of an openly queer person, and a person of color.

Furthermore, much like how the police will form "the blue wall of silence" to protect one another from scrutiny into corruption or criminal action, I've witnessed similar behavior from judges as well. While being trained as a judge, I was routinely told by my seniors that I should always rigidly apply the rules precisely as written, and "if the players complain, remind them that you don't write the rules you just enforce them." As I got more involved in higher level judging, I also became privy to backdoor conversations where some pretty intense policy decisions were being discussed and influenced with little to no oversight from the Magic community at large.

I had friends who were blacklisted from events for making reasonable requests for disability accommodations. I heard judges complaining about other judges behind their back, and quietly excluding them from future involvement for various discriminatory reasons. I got roped into boys-club conversations that were openly misogynistic and hostile towards efforts from others in the program to try and build a more inclusive space for women and queer people. I watched top-level judges make decisions that were actively harmful to smaller or international communities, and got looped into some of the startlingly racist reasons behind those decisions.

For my part: I tried to do what I could to make my community as welcoming as possible, and build up a better Magic ecosystem where I could. I don't think I did an especially good job at it. I also didn't push back as hard as I ought to when I saw the most heinous examples of ableism, misogyny, and racism on display. I am ashamed of this inaction on my part, and it is something I constantly grapple with doing better moving forward.

That said: there was really very little I could have actually swayed even if I had spoken up. These were deep-rooted, systemic problems that had a heavy base in the underlying Magic community values that the judge program sprouted from. And they were decisions being made far above my paygrade. The most I could hope to do was sway the influence of someone above me who might be able to sway the influence of someone above them.

Layer 4: Why is IDW Controversial?

The scenario from Jorbs's video centered around conflict from a judge's ruling about "Improperly Determining a Winner" -- a rule that Jorbs provocatively calls "the most controversial rule in Magic". I think the term "controversial" is interesting here, because personally I think it disguises some interesting dynamics at play with this rule in particular.

See, I would not have ever labeled IDW as the most controversial rule in Magic; not even the most controversial in the IPG. I would easily award that to "Unsporting Conduct: Minor" -- a rule that is perhaps the most critical for ensuring community spaces are welcoming to people with differing backgrounds, but is by necessity left frustratingly vague and open to interpretation by individual judges. That yikes conversation about defending white supremacists I mentioned earlier? That conversation started because the judge was complaining about how someone got on his case for not issuing an Unsporting Conduct: Minor infraction to a player who had a playmat with overt pornography printed on it that a woman playing at the event expressed discomfort toward.

Nevertheless, I wasn't entirely surprised to hear that IDW was the rule in question either. I have had countless arguments with players about this rule (and its sister: "Bribery and Wagering"), and their faulty understandings of it despite the seemingly simple nature of the rule. It was perhaps the single rule that caused the most headaches for me at tournaments, because almost without failure I would get players trying to angle shoot to find loopholes to perform IDW without technically violating IDW rules. It's also a pretty common rule to get brought up in these kinds of emotionally manipulative tournament report blog posts like the one Jorbs reacted to here.

As a judge, I got used to the standard explanations for why this rule exists, which I think Jorbs covers well in his video. Magic is uncomfortably close to crossing gambling regulations, and losing access to the game in your local area because regulators decided to ban it on those grounds is a pretty severe cost. I've even witnessed a local game store get closed down on grounds of violating gambling laws.

Nonetheless, I can't say I ever felt fully convinced by this explanation either. I think the scenario between Jessica and Brad is tragic, and a good highlight of how easy it is to accidentally step into this rule as a trap. It's far from unheard of -- in fact, one of the foundational examples they teach judges early on is even more severe:

Imagine you are judging a small tournament at your local game store. A pair of young kids, new to the game, are paired against one another in the first round. They are having a good time, but aren't very conscious of the timer, and end up running out before finishing their first game. You come by and explain to them what that means, and that they will draw after the next 5 turns. One of the kids says "hey, how about we just flip a coin to decide who wins then?"

This is a cut-and-dry example of violating this policy, and at a high-end event like the one described in Brad's tournament report this would come with a Match Loss. But you know what's kind of fucked up? For young kids playing at a low stakes casual event at their local game store? That penalty would be a full on disqualification (at least at the time I was judging -- it's possible this has changed since then). Sorry, you can't continue playing Magic in the tournament tonight.

Now any judge with a heart would follow that scenario up with "okay let's find ways for them to continue playing Magic though" to try and soften the blow and make sure we don't completely ruin their night. But I've had conversations with judges who have issued this ruling with cold precision and left kids crying at the table and just moved on from there -- precise and professional, just as Jorbs celebrated in his video. And you know, I don't find that inspiring.

So when I hear "IDW is the most controversial rule in Magic", what I really hear is "IDW is a rule that is despised by players, but adamantly defended by judges". Judges have good reasons to defend the policy, no doubt. But players have plenty of very good reasons to be upset by it as well. Neither group has power to sway the policy as written, but judges do have power of enforcement, which is far beyond what players have in this situation.

Layer 5: My Reaction to Jorbs

So with all of this split ink, I finally return to my feelings from Jorbs's video. Because while I emphatically agree with his analysis that Brad's reaction was emotionally immature and irresponsible, and the tweets defending him are wildly off base, there is nonetheless a bad taste left in my mouth from his analysis. He makes multiple assumptions in his video that I don't think should be taken uncritically.

For one: a strategy game tournament with high-stakes and high-end expectations from players not only should have, but needs strict and rigid rules. I think he presents compelling arguments for why IDW is specifically necessary, but I don't think he provides good reason why the rule needs to be exactly what it is.

For another: players ought to be expected to follow the rules rigidly, and expect punishment when those rules are violated. He seems to imply to me that not just Brad's emotional response (which I find unambiguously unacceptable) but also Brad's emotions themselves ought to be scrutinized. After all, rules are rules, right?

And lastly: the explicit hierarchy of power between players and judges, and within the judge staff itself, ought to be met with respect and deferment. I found it telling how much emphasis Jorbs put into scrutinizing Brad's emotional manipulation (which again: was all very much there, and warrants scrutiny), but glossed past the judge referring to the Dreamhack venue as "his hall". While Brad is far from a reliable narrator, I can say from my experience with judges, that doesn't sound like an outlandish thing to hear from a head judge. And perhaps it's just me, but that statement reeks of someone allowing the power of their position to go to their head.

Ultimately, I agree with Jorbs that this situation sounds like a shit show, and Brad wildly over reacted in a frightening and perhaps even dangerous way. By his own account, the judge staff did an admirable job deescalating the situation and enforcing rules as written. But I think it's also fair for Brad to feel that he was not being treated as a human by the judges in this cold and clinical treatment of the situation. I also think it's fair to say that IDW as a policy kind of sucks, and it's fair for players to feel frustrated by it -- especially since they have no direct influence over how those policies are written.

Anyway, I think I've said my peace for now. Seriously, do go watch Jorbs's video if you have any investment in the competitive Magic community. I don't fully agree with his analysis, but his assessment of the situation is still spot on and something I don't think gets spoken by non-judge members of the community very often.

[saeran-imagines]

Hi, I came across your blog at work and was so excited to stumble across another who adores our best boy as much as I do. The stuff you put out is really really good.

Could we see something about married MC and True Saeran living in domestic bliss. Thank you 🌼

Thank you so much!! :D It makes me really happy to know people like my writing 😊❤ ABSOLUTELY, I live for domestic fluff with GE!Saeran ❤ He deserves so much love after everything he’s been through :’C

This takes place after the AE but it’s spoiler free!

After the events of the after ending, you pick out a house that’s small enough to be cozy but big enough for occasional company. It’s far enough from town that it’s hardly ever noisy, and your big yard gives you a nice cushion between you and your neighbors. 

If Saeyoung doesn’t straight up live with you two, he has a room at your house so he can stay over for as long as he wants! The poor twins deserve to make up for all that lost time.

With your big beautiful yard, of course, comes a big beautiful garden. If you have a favorite flower, he grows beds of them right by the windows so you can always see them when you look outside. There’s an area off to the side to grow herbs, vegetables and fruit.

The two of you set up a little patio area in the middle of the garden. When the weather is warm you eat outside surrounded by flowers and shrubbery. Saeran’s very proud of all his hard work, it’ll make him so happy if you compliment him on it~

He naturally gets up pretty early, so you usually wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking. When berries and fruits are in season he makes pancakes with the fruit from the garden.

There’s ALWAYS a jigsaw puzzle in progress in the house. After a few puzzles that were put together on the crammed dining table, you set up a dedicated puzzle table in the spare room. Saeyoung will always hide ONE single piece somewhere around the house to drive the two of you nuts.

When he goes out to the store he’ll always come back with gifts for you. Whether it’s flowers, chocolates or new clothes, if he sees something he thinks you’d like he can’t stop himself from getting it for you.

He loves picking out your outfits! He thinks you look wonderful in everything, though, so he always has a hard time choosing. He’ll also dress up in anything you’d like him to, please use that power responsibly~

He'll do literally any chore you don't like. He likes doing chores and cleaning. Seeing his work pay off in the end with a shiny floor or an organized bookshelf makes it worth the effort, especially if he’s taking some stress off of you by doing it!

He gets lost in his thoughts easily, so when you're not around he keeps himself busy. He'll spend the day cleaning or gardening or working on the puzzle, he’s always doing something. When you’re back in his arms his thoughts will calm down, and he can lie peacefully with you for hours. You're his anchor ♡

Please DO lie down with him for hours, otherwise he'll overwork himself without realizing it. He's unfortunately used to being exhausted all the time, so he doesn't always catch his body's signals that tell him to rest.

Here's some ways you can force your poor husband to relax, otherwise known as MC's Declassified Saeran Relaxation Guide:

Wrap yourself around his back like a koala and play a phone game with him over his shoulder. He likes puzzle games that you can work together to solve ♡

If you get him into Animal Crossing he’ll love it, he’ll spend hours decorating his village and planting flowers ALL over.

If it’s still light outside, hold his hand and take a walk somewhere. Even if it’s just around the yard, he can’t stay stressed after feeling the sun on his skin and watching the clouds roll by.

Get out the bubble bath and flower scented bath bombs, maybe light a few candles and put on some relaxing music. He can never resist a nice warm bath, especially if you’re there with him~

[igotanna]

Is this a bet??

Summary: Jinyoung takes your words seriously. And he loves proving his point. You should think twice before teasing him again.

Warnings: smut, sort of orgasm denial

Genre: fanfiction, smut

Pairing: reader x park jinyoung

Rating: 18+

A/N: pic is mine

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Please tell me you didn't just eat that popcorn that fell into your bra..." Jinyoung sighed as he heard you munch again after a long time. He sat in his favorite armchair and didn't bother to look at you. The movie was more interesting.

"Shut up I can’t hear it now."

One would say that after three years of dating and living together, you two would stop bickering. But that was the dynamics of your relationship, and you still kinda enjoyed it this way. But sometimes he got on your nerves with his lecturing.

The movie ended and Jinyoung got up to stretch and to put the dirty dishes in the sink.

"Y'know, it was really goo-"

"It was bullshit." you cut him off.

You scrolled through your phone and didn't really pay attention to him when he came back to look at you with his 'what did you just say?' face.

"Come again?"

"I said it was bullshit. It was absolutely unrealistic during the sex scenes," you explained and sighed like him.

He frowned and sat down, now actually interested to hear your thoughts "What do you mean?"

"I mean c'mon! One could never make woman cum without touching her clit - when they were together for such a short time! You couldn't do that and we’ve known each other for quite some time now!"

You were so serious, and didn't really see the shadow of deep shock that flew over his face. He blinked a few times in disbelief. "Do you really think that?"

Putting the phone down you looked at him "Yes, it's really hard - maybe even physically impossible for a woman to cum completely without touching her clit. It's the most ac-"

"Wait," he stopped you, picking up his words and thinking your statement through "is this a bet?" His eyes pinned at your face.

You had to laugh - this was more of a "scientific" discussion for you and here he was dirty minded as usual thinking you're teasing him.

"I'm just saying,-"

"Is this a bet?" he repeated, voice lower. Now it was you blinking quickly to adjust. When he said it out loud you were even more sure - it is impossible.

"What would be the prize for the winner?" you narrowed eyes suspiciously. You knew he was able to pull your leg all the time.

"Anything." he said deadly serious.

"Anything?"

"Anything. Completely free options. If I don't make you cum without touching your clit you can make me do anything you want. One time. Make me go up on stage and do stand-up comedy, make me say something stupid in front of your mother. Whatever you say."

"And if you do make me cum?"

His expression darkened, a low-key sadistic smile flitting across his face. "Anything as well."

You laughed again, shaking your head "This is too.. too much you. I don't trust you."

"What? Whyy?" he looked at you like a surprised puppy with his big round eyes.

"Because!" you exclaimed and got up, almost shoving him off the couch. He followed you with his eyes and regained confident expression. He already knew you're in.

"Because games like these never end up in my favour!"

"Well, if it won’t end up in your favour now, I don't know when it will!" he laughed and left to take a shower. Jinyoung was well aware to give you some space to consider his proposal after presenting you a new idea or assumption.

While he was showering, you had a moment to consider your options - either way you were going to have some solid sex. And that was all you needed to head to the bathroom and lean on the shower door.

"Alright."

Jinyoung laughed and looked to where he heard your voice "So is this official?"

"Yes." you sighed, almost like he pushed you into doing it. Which he did. In his own way. "It is a bet. If you won't make me cum without touching my clit-"

"But I can be inside." he demanded

"Of course, that's not the point. Apart from touching my clit you can do whateve-"

"Careful with your words," he smirked.

"You can do almost whatever might help you make me cum." you finished strongly.

The water stopped. A muscular torso appeared next to your face and with it Jinyoung's fresh scent combined with the soap.

He looked at you, satisfaction written all over his face and dried his hair like nothing happened. Continuing to your bedroom he put the towel down and raised his voice as if he was looking for you "Are you coming?"

You walked to the room like if you were about to do a job interview, even your stomach was slightly squirming with excitement and partly with nervousness.

Jinyoung was busy adjusting the light and pulling down the curtains.

"So," his voice was low and muted, intimidating.

"I don't know what game are you playing...you simply cannot win this." you laughed and started to unbutton your shirt.

"Ah-," he stopped you before pointing at your hands – you were obviously stealing his job "Don't." his eyes found yours and he tilted his head a bit "But do repeat what you just said. C'mon."

You laughed as he got near you and slowly touched your arm with index finger sending a shiver down your spine "I said you won't make me cum."

"That's it." he whispered to himself.

You felt his body behind you, heard his breath, your hair swinging in its rhythm. By stopping you from undressing yourself he was showing you who’s in charge. You wanted to stay strong, not willing to submit to his methods you knew all too well. Something in Jinyoung’s demeanour changed, he’s going to outperform himself today you were sure of it. He's going to come up with something new, trying out stuff he always wanted to but never did. And most importantly - he’s going to take advantage of this.

His fingers moved inch by inch up to meet the inner elbow and to the hips.

"Say it again." he muttered through gritted teeth, daring you. As if searching for reasons to punish you. His warm hand roughly pushed the shirt fabric aside, forcing its way between the buttons by stealth.

"I said you can't make me cum." you said clearly, but it was undermined by the breathless gasp that escaped your mouth unwillingly. At that very moment, his hand undid the buttons and your shirt landed next to your ankles like snake's skin.

Despite the intensity he barely touched you yet.

His arm rested on your shoulder and with tips of his fingers he drew over your chest up to the collar bone. His face was so close to your ear you heard every breath and even movements of his tongue in his mouth.

The goosebumps raised across your skin excited him so much, but he kept his head clear. He knew exactly what to focus on. Having a mental list of your erogenous zones he needed to use, and saving few new ones to try out. He dug his face in your hair and kissed you below your ear. Your body reacted faster than you wanted. You crumbled into him as if he pushed some button, your knees bending a bit. But he didn't want it to be this fast.

He bit your earlobe in warning.

Surprised by his nip, your hand went up for revenge but his was quicker, smacking yours away like annoying insect.

Sliding his palms down to your panties he slowly pulled down. You felt a sudden gust of coldness as he kneeled down and your back were left unprotected. His heart started to beat faster as your panties revealed your bum. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips on your left butt cheek. It took you by surprise – he never was this gentle. Still only with the tips of his fingers on your sides, he got up. Parting your hair and putting them on one side he uncovered his most favorite part of your body – the nape of your neck.

He pushed you to the bed.

Enough of warming up.

"However bad it's going to be..." his voice was dark, wild and almost aggressive because of the long silence "Rule is- you can't touch your clit either." he said locking eyes with you.

"It's either me making you cum," he continued and leaned on his elbows above you, only inches above your face, "or nothing." you opened your mouth to kiss back, but he pulled away. Pressing lips on your neck and going down, between your breasts, your belly.

You felt yourself getting wett, heat pooling in anticipation.

The thing is - it was usually never this slow - Jinyoung was more of a rough, fierce sex type. He didn't need any time to prep and wasn't really a fan of foreplay. Lube was always there to fix everything.

But now- he was careful, sensual, paying attention to details - dancing with his fingers on the inner side of your knee. You almost forgot this place was so sensitive. He harmonized the feeling with his lips on your thigh, temptingly close to the clit.

Closing your eyes you didn't watch what he's doing - just bathed yourself in the feelings.

He was already almost rock hard, given the sight of you closing your eyes with pleasure. He had to focus on the edge of his limits. It was so tempting to imprison you in his arms, to thrust into you, deeply and fully.

But a bet is a bet, and he had his plan.

You felt like you were ready for him, so much so you unknowingly spread apart more. His hand moved your leg up to rest on his hips, facing you again. Still not opening your eyes, you turned your head a bit to make him space for more neck kisses.

As his hands pulled yours up above your head, his fingers intertwined with yours.

Jinyoung left the best for last – he finally pressed his body fully on you, and inch by inch dived in you. You heard him smirk as he found it amusing how easily he could slide in as you were already so wet and open for him.

He moved slowly. Not just because he knew it’s stimulating, but because he focused on your nipples. He knew you were sensitive, and it helped him on many occasions to make you cum. Kissing, licking and carefully biting them he took you on the edge of pain and pleasure. Your fingers found his hair and you wanted to pull it, to participate somehow. But he was the leader here and immediately put your hands back in place – above your head.

It was all so good.

His breath so close to your neck, the heat from his body. The precision he moved with, how much attention he paid to you. How he held your jaw like he needed it to breathe.

But something was missing, the tension just kept cumulating and piling up, peak nowhere in near sight. You could even feel yourself stretching your arm up, as if to grab the orgasm that was just inches away.

But apparently your other hand headed down again because Jinyoung smacked it angrily "Don't even try it." thrusting in over and over.

"Fuck the bet, I want-"

"Rules!" he hissed as his movements quickened. Placing hand on the concave of your neck and shoulders, he squeezed a bit as a warning.

You bit your lip in frustration and pleasure. He bend down and kissed your jaw, following with his mouth parting yours, being dominant even now. Leaving you only to wait for his next move. Pulse racing, he repeatedly broke the kiss to look at you, to burn this exact picture of you into his mind.

Feeling him inside, holding your hand up, your breasts on his chest... everything felt like a flash of a fire, but the flame didn't appear. You almost fell his heart beating in your own veins.

He was close, so close.

Face next to yours, his lips found the spot below your ear again, biting the earlobe.

Breathing faster you knew it was coming.

Was he right? Can he do that? C'mon just a bit more- it's so close.

But he suddenly stopped moving, head buried in your hair heavily breathing. You tried to keep up with the wave of pleasure that was inside of you, waiting to be released, you tried so hard to slide it on your own. But it was gone. He was gone, leaving you in the water searching for a way out.

As he rolled down from you letting you alone with the helplessness and frustration he propped on one hand and looked at you "You were right." he caught his breath and put away lock of hair from your neck.

"You did it on purpose! You knew I was close!" you cried out loudly, hands rubbing your face.

"Yes." he admitted, glad you revealed the truth.

Looking directly at you like a teacher wanting his answer he asked "Lesson?"

After the minute of silence you gave to spite him, you felt a quick, light smack on your thigh. "Never. Try me out again."

[lesbianakaashi]

The Forgotten Shounen: Katekyo Hitman Reborn

This is not a “Why you should watch/read khr” or anything like that. This is just me going into the deep dive and throwing my findings at you. I’m making this because khr used to be my favourite series when I was 15 (I had plushees, posters, tradingcards, the art book etc) and now as an adult I constantly find myself baffled at how unknow it seems to be.

1. Okay first what is khr?

Katekyo Hitman Reborn! or just Reborn! is a series by Akira Amano which was published in Weekly Shounen Jump from 2004 to 2012 (with 42 volumes) and got an anime adaption which run from 2006 to 2010 on Tv Tokyo (with 202 episodes and one OVA).

2. What’s it about?

Khr is a parody of the italian mafia and plays in a world where the mafia is heavily influencial. The protagonist is the japanese middle schooler Sawada Tsunayoshi who is known as “No good Tsuna” because of his failing grades, general weak and cowardly personality and weak physics.

He becomes aware of the mafia world when a 2 year old baby called Reborn arrives at his house claiming to be the greatest hitman and declaring himself his home tutor. Reborn was send by the 9th head of the Vongola famiglia who is ready to retire and looking for a new heir. Which of course, is supposed to be Tsuna and now it's Reborns job to shape him into a worthy sucessor.

Tsuna rejects the violence of the mafia world and refuses the position as the 10th. Thanks to Reborn and his general craziness Tsuna meets different people and starts to make real friendships. Reborn wants 6 of those friends to be Tsuna's future guardians, basically a group of people which will be closest to him in the vongola famiglia. Tsuna might have no interest in those positions but the friendships he builds with them become really precious to him.

Reborns arrivial also brings in the enemies of the Vongola family which leads to Tsuna being forced to engage in battles. Generally Tsuna openly avoids fights and prefers to run away but will put himself in danger for his friends' sake or because of something Reborn did.

Through out the series Tsuna matures and gains strenght but he never becomes a power fantasy. He's just a guy with many flaws who grows through the human connections he makes.

Personally I think the relationship between Reborn and Tsuna is one of the best student teacher reltaionships in all of manga only topped by Mob and Reigen from Mob Psycho 100. Especially the last arc really underlines their unique relationship to me.

Furthermore, khr offers a new and unique battle system: The flames. I'm not gonna go into to too much detail but the general idea is that one fights with their dying will flame which basically turns off your the savety switch so you can fight with everything you have. The flames are seperated into different categories such as: sky, storm, mist, rain, sun, lightning and cloud and have different attributes asigned to each one. Tsuna's use of the sky flame and his transformation when using it is still one of my favourite shounen transformations to this day.

3. What happened?

The series did really well and then not so well over the course of its serialisation. After the manga got an anime adaption it increased in populairty and video games, light novels, and other products such as CDs were created based on the series. Reborn is one of the best selling series of Weekly Shōnen Jump and has sold around 30 Million volumes overall. It was and still is very popular in Japan but rather unknown in the west.

According to the article "The Rise and Fall of Weekly Shonen Jump: A Look at the Circulation of Weekly Jump" khr was the 10th bestselling series in Weekly Shōnen Jump, with a total of 7 million copies sold in 2007.

This number increasing to 15 milion in 2008. Which placed khr into the 4th best selling series of 2008 in Japan.

Between 2008 and 2010 those sales declined but still kept strong with khr as the 6th top selling manga in 2009, 8th best selling in 2010 and then 24th best selling in 2012.

In November 2014, readers of the Da Vinci magazine voted khr number 17 on a list of Weekly Shōnen Jump's greatest manga series of all time.

After the anime came to an apprupt stop in 2010 for unknown reasons the manga sells took a visible hit. (Apparently the studio wanted to put the anime on halt because they were busy with other projects and give Akira Amano time to develop her story but I couldn't find any source for this claim) Furthermore, the rushed last chapters of the manga in 2012 declined the popularity of the series even more. There's no offical statement as to why the manga was ended in such a way but it's reasonable to assume that Jump either cut it considering the decreasing sales or Akira Amano choose to end it for personal reasons.

Nontheless, Tsuna not being included in Jump Force (a fighting game where you can play as different characters from Jump) in 2019 even tho he made it in earlier Jump Stars games also underlines the decreased interest in the series.

Rumors on a reboot or anime adaption of the last two arcs surface from time to time but are genereally unlikely. Artland the studio which made khr has gone bankrupt around 2015-2016. It might be taken on by another studio but rather uncommen especially with such an old series.

4. Art style

The khr anime ended over 10 years ago and the old art style might not be appealing to newer audiences.

Especailly because the anime adaption follows Akira Amanos old art style which heavily developed within the years. Here a picture comparing characters in the new art style:

A modern anime adaption in the new art style would be aesthetically pleasing. It would probably look similiar to Psycho Pass since Akira Amano did the concept art for this series.

(My personal art student hot take is that both art styles are unique and fun. Up to this day Akira Amano still has my favourite art style and even if the amount folds in the characters clothing is a little extreme I love it dearly.)

5. Criticism

The show is not without flaws and even if I greatly enjoy it it wouldn't be right not to adress them.

Daily Life Arc:

A lot of people view the first 20 to 25 episodes as fillers and quickly lose intererst in the series. This is due to the fact that Akira Amano inteded the series to be a gag manga and focuses the first chapters on world building, character introduction and comical narratives. It's rumored that the decision to develop the story into a battle shounen was made because the sales weren't doing well enough at first. So the first chapters/episodes may seem titidious but are necessary for the story and the development of the characters. The tonal shift from a more gintama like gag manga to a darker battle focused story can also be offputting to some viewers.

Either way a lot of people blame this arc when discussing why khr never got an english dub or didn't end up on Toonami. I've also read that the manga never finished serializing in the north america. However, it finished in other western languages like german and spanish.

Censoring:

The anime censors A LOT. From Gokudera's smoking habit, Yamamoto's whole character arc which deals with heavy themes such as depression and suicidal thoughts. The general bloodiness of the manga was censored and sometimes whole chapters and characters were left out even if those were important to the devolopment of others.

Filler episodes:

Out of the 202 episodes the anime has around 29 filler episodes which makes roughly 14 %.

Sexism:

Even if Reborn was written by a woman most female characters are rather flat and their storylines often tied to a male character in one way or another.

Genereal things:

Khr, like many other long running series, is sometimes criticised for a lack of world building or unpopular narrative choices.

6. Hope?

Khr isn't exactly dead. As stated before the series is still very popular in Japan and still gets new merch pretty regulary. There are also petitions floating around for a reboot or a new anime season but those never get a lot of traction. Furthermore #Reborn2期アニメ化 (#Reborn2ndAnimation) used to get some traction on twitter not too long ago. Last year the Anime News Network did a poll on which anime the readers would like to see a rebooot of and khr placed second.

Either way here's a collection of recent khr things I could find.

- In 2018 a new bluray set was released in north america

- The khr stage play reached yet another new season

- A mobile game was released last year

- Currently ongoing anime cafe event called "Concerto di Vongola"

- Last month there was an event with the former VAs and stage play actors where they discussed their favourite khr episodes.

- There has been an increase in blind reacts to the openings on youtube which might bring in a new fan base. The biggest one I could find had around 90k views and was made in 2019. On this note check out the soundtrack. The first openeing Drawing Days by SPLAY still makes me go insane (but I'm biased of course)

There also renewed hope for a new season/reboot because Shaman King, Inuyasha and Bleach got anounced for new seasons after a long hiatus. It's important to keep in mind that the circumstances for those series are differnt tho. For example bleachs new anime is often tied to the immense success of the gatcha game.

7. Conclusion

Khr is a series which used to be a flagship for Weekly Shounen Jump and is deeply beloved by it's fans, especially in Japan. It influenced other shounen series like bnha. It would be nice to see it gaining a bigger fanbase in the west :)

[catxsnow]

AFTER HOURS chapter six

Summary: Enemies to the public, friends to their close ones, friends with benefits between them. Rival companies and an attraction that can’t be ignored.

Tim Drake x reader

Warnings: swearing, mature content, smut, 18+ only, mention death of parents, car crash mentions.

A/N: this is the softest thing I’ve written in a long time so I hope you enjoy. 

Word Count 3.7k

Whenever (Y/N) showed up to Tim's apartment in Gotham, she always went with the intentions of having sex. She was used to stripping her clothes off the second she walked through the door and pouncing on him. It was the same idea whenever he came to her place - or the few times in their offices.

This time, rolling up to the small parking space she had, she was nervous. Tim's invite to have supper was finally settling in. She wasn't there to have sex or talk business, she was there as a friend. They had never done something like this before, and she had no idea how the night would end.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel as she tried to rid these nerves that rolled through her. Why was she nervous? Tim had seen her when she was completely vulnerable to him, she had no reason to be nervous. Yet, looking up at his window on the top floor, she was. With a final breath, (Y/N) got out of her car and towards the front door.

A bottle of wine was in her hands as she knocked at his door. She assumed that since it was just dinner at his place, that she had no need to dress fancy. When she opened the door, she was taken aback. Tim wore dark jeans and a button up that was only half done up. His hair was damp from a shower and water droplets slid down his neck.

"Sorry, I lost track of time," Tim gestured to himself. The door was opened wider for her to walk in. He continued to button up his black and blue shirt before tucking it into his jeans. "You look beautiful, as always." The only time that he ever called her that was when she was naked and on top of him. The change of pace was refreshing.

Tim placed his hand on the small of her back to catch her attention. Being closer to him, she noticed the small slit going down his bottom lip. Without thinking, she reached up to his face and trace the healing wound with the pad of her thumb. "What happened?"

"Boys being boys," Tim shrugged off. She had nearly forgotten he had to cut their morning together short because his friends arrived in need of his help. He placed his palm over her hand, enjoying her warmth for only a moment longer. Tim intertwined their hands and led her to his tiny dining room.

His home was nothing compared to Bruce's manor, or her home, but he didn't want anything fancy. She envied him for that. There were so many times that she wished to move back to the city like this. It was safer where she was.

His dining room was cleaned up since the last time she was there. Two plates and sets of utensils were across from one another. A lit candle between along with  the two bottles of wine. It smelled delicious in there. Tim pulled a chair out for her to sit on and poured her a glass of wine. He looked tense.

He was surprised that she agreed to dinner. There were the rare times that they would order a pizza or something after a hook up, but never dinner like this. Never with the intentions of only a meal. It made him nervous. What if she really did only keep him around for the sex? Was his personality not good enough?

"I hope you like sushi," Tim announced. He wasn't sure what to make, but everyone like some sort of sushi, right? It took him half a day to make it all, and he debated whether or not he should have just ordered some. However, hours of rolling later, he had composed what he thought to be pretty damn good sushi.

"I hate it," she said with a stone cold face. Tim looked horrified for a moment until watching her burst out into giggles. Seeing his reaction was well worth it. "I'm kidding. I love it. And you knew my favourite wine?"

"Of course," Tim practically scoffed. He knew her favourite wine, her favourite brand of shoes, he knew lots of little details that she never expected him to pick up on. He picked up the bottle and poured them both a glass. He nearly let out that he was one of the world's greatest detectives, until realizing she didn't know.

Tim had become so comfortable around her that sometime he forgot that she didn't know about his second life. She had no idea that his split lip had come from fighting one of Conner's enemies or that his body was currently laced with bruises from the fight. She didn't know he risked his life everyday, or that he had saved hers more than once.

Late night walks from her office to her car, Tim would stalk behind her if he was on patrol. Twice did he save her from some sort of thug that wanted who knows what from her. She had no idea, and it would stay that way.

Tim grabbed the platter of sushi he had made and set it down on the table. He glanced between the rolls and her to see what her reaction was going to be. This was ridiculous - he was nearly twenty-two and he was nervous about what she was going to think of his cooking skills. When did he ever get nervous about things like this?

"Wait, did you make these?" she looked up at him with wide eyes. Tim cautiously nodded, unsure of if her shock was good or bad. "Holy shit, Tim. Why have you been hiding these skills from me?"

Tim let out a relieved breath. "You never stay long enough for me to show you," he blurted out. He didn't mean to sound so... judgmental. It had just come out like that. Every time she came over, he wanted her to stay long enough for something other than sex - whether that be cooking, or a movie or anything.

"I suppose you're right," she looked down to her lap. That was one of the sole reasons that she was there. Mr. William's words still rattled in her brain. Don't lose your happiness. Was Tim her happiness? Was she his? "Would it be so bad? If I did stay long enough?"

Those were his words, partially. Tim's eyes lit up at the sound of his own phrase. He remembered the panic in hers when he had first suggested it. The idea of getting closer than they ever had before scared her. What they had was good, really good, and she didn't want to lose that.

She didn't want to lose him.

"Not at all."

><

By the time that they reached the end of their dinner, they couldn't rid the smiles on their faces. After all the deep talks that they had - whether it be the loss of their parents or the companies they ran - they never had the time to be able to talk about the good times that they had when they were kids.

The conversations that night were light-hearted and much needed. She felt a new connection to Tim that she never had before. This wasn't enemies, or fuck buddies, or anything else that they had been through the years. This was a friendship that they never thought they would partake in.

Tim found himself finding more and more things that he liked about her. The way her eyes lit up when she talked of her friends from high school or the laugh she had when she truly felt free. He knew their connection had always been strong, but having that night had solidified everything he already believed.

For the first time, it had solidified with her as well. She understood what Mr. William meant. Tim made her happy, happier than she had ever been since her parents died. It took her far too long to realize this. So many years wasted of pretending to hate him - to the public and to herself.

"(Y/N)," Tim called her name out. She stood by his window, wine glass in her hand. Her chat with Mr. William was running through her mind. Doing things for herself hadn't been something that she had prioritized for a long time. It was always putting others, or the name of her family, first.

She was getting older. Old enough to know that she shouldn't have to please society when she wasn't pleasing herself at the same time. She deserved happiness just as much as anyone else in Gotham. So why did it scare her so much to dive off into the deep end with Tim?

"Will you let me stay tonight?" She blurted out. There was nothing more that she wanted than to take up in his arms again. The warm, safe feeling of being with him, she never felt like this before.

She turned to face him, scared of what he was going to say. Tim stuttered over his words with shock that she was the one asking to stay. He was surprised when she even agreed to have dinner with him, but want to stay over as well? Without insinuating that they were going to have sex? He was baffled.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"I want you to stay," Tim cut her off, finally able to speak properly. She took the last sip of her wine glass and left it on the windowsill. He grasped her hand and led her to his room. The same room where they had already spent hours upon hours together - yet this time time felt like the first.

There was no sex building up to this or some drunk idea. She was there because she wanted to be there, not for any other reason. It was far easier to accept with Tim guiding her right along.

How was he to react when he found out that she was feeling more for him than she ever had in her life? He always seemed so level-headed, how would this curveball effect him? She couldn't tell him, not yet - and not until she was sure that she truly felt... happy with him.

She was frozen in her spot once more that night. Thoughts and worry filling her again. Tim placed a hand on her waist, the other pushing her hair away to expose the base of her neck. He left soft kisses there, trailing them up to her jaw. She set her hand over his, a smile on her face but unbeknownst to him.

"What made you want to stay?" He asked. Tim had been itching to ask that question all night, but he feared that it would spook her. She thought rashly quite often, always moving ahead and not looking back until she needed to. It reminded him of Dick sometimes. Never thinking of his own feelings until he couldn't run any longer.

She gabbed his other hand and wrapped the snuggly around her waist. His body pressed against hers, bringing the most welcoming warmth. Tim kissed along whatever bare skin his lips could reach why waiting for her to answer.

"Happiness," she answered simply. Her happiness was the reason she wanted to stay. She wanted to feel happy - genuinely happy. Not happy because of some temporary pleasure or an alcohol induced night. She wanted happiness constantly and whenever she so wanted. In four years he was the only one that was able to give it to her.

Tim smiled against her skin at her response. He couldn't identify the feeling that erupted in his chest, but he knew he never wanted to let it go. Happiness. So simple, yet so full of meaning. Tim pulled away from her so she could face him properly. She searched his eyes to see if her answer was acceptable.

There was no time to determine. Tim tilted down to kiss her. Lips eager for each other but unlike any kiss they had ever shared before. This wasn't about chasing highs or forgetting everything in the day. It was unlike anything they had shared.

"Happiness," Tim parroted her words, a love-sick smile refusing to leave him. It wasn't what he was expecting, but he was glad to hear it. "You're one of a kind (Y/N) (L/N). Never forget that."

><

Tim understood what she meant by her reasoning of wanting to stay. Waking up with her cuddled into his side, he felt nothing but happiness. He felt that same warmth that he did the other morning when she had slept over. A heat that wouldn't go away for hours even after she left.

She wore one of his shirts, though it had ridden up in the night. Her palm was flat against his bare chest, and their legs tangled together. He wore only shorts. For the first time, their clothes from the previous night had be neatly folded on his dresser rather than strewn across the floor.

Tim trailed his fingers up her arm. His touches were featherlight, cautious not to wake her. He traced her jawline, the curve of her bottom lip. He wanted to trace every in of pure perfection of her. She was nothing but perfection.

(Y/N) stirred in her sleep, curling into him even more as she awoke. Her head tilted up to look at him, still disoriented from her sleep. It didn't matter how dazed she was, she knew this feeling that coursed through her veins and that was all that mattered. That feeling was pure ecstasy. It was even more evident as he brushed his lips against hers.

"Good morning."

His voice. Fuck did his voice make her weak. The evident hoarseness of it, the way it made him sound incredibly sexy. She neve got to hear him in the morning, the grueling tone of his voice that reminded her of the Dark Knight himself. His voice alone made her weak. It made her want to wake up like that every damn day.

The messy tufts of his hair that stood up in every way. The sleep lines from his blankets that were lashed across his skin. The inability to truly open his eyes from the bright light that cracked through the window. His muscles that rippled under her touch and the scars that laced his chest.

He was perfect.

"Good morning," She pushed herself up on her elbow to be able to admire his face better. As if she had done it a thousand times, she leaned down to give him a slow, passion filled kiss. When she pulled away, the pad of her finger dragged down the small cut in his lip that she had noticed the night before.

Tim snatched her hand before she could ask anymore questions about it and kissed her knuckles. His own were faintly tinted blue, not enough for her to notice this time. Though he know that how he got those injuries were anything but, this moment fell completely innocent and pure.

"Are we making this a thing? You staying over after sex?" They didn't have sex last night. In fact it wasn't even on either of their minds - mostly. As soon as she had gotten into his shirt and into his bed, she was content. She awaited Tim to join her, and the second that he did, she was caught in his arms.

Just how she wanted it to be.

"I don't see it being a bad thing," She shrugged, not giving him a full answer. In truth, she was still scared that he didn't have the same intentions. Staying over would only make herself clutch more into her feelings for him. If she assumed wrong, the devastation of it all would be deadly. "You want to?"

More than anything.

"I slept through the whole night. No nightmares, no anxiety. That hasn't happened since I was a kid," Tim told her, truthfully. His answer was just as vague as hers. He wasn't plagued with his loss or worry - just like the last time she had stayed with him. He never thought he'd get that again.

"Always finding ways to use me, huh?" She joked. Tim rolled his eyes at her. It did seem that way. Using her for sex to temporarily forget all his problems, sleeping next to her so nightmares didn't cloud him, what was next? "Use me all you want, Tim Drake. I enjoy it."

Tim knew she was joking. He knew that she knew that he wasn't using her - that was far from the case. They used each other in the beginning. The beginning was held with few words and little relationship. As time grew, as they grew, so did their relationship. What they had, it wasn't using each other. Even if it took them a long time to figure it out.

"I feel safe with you, Tim," She spoke as he said nothing to her previous comment. He was far too lost in thought to speak aloud. "And I don't mean safe as in Gotham is a hellhole and I need a protector. I mean I feel safe enough with you to be at my most vulnerable. I feel safe to trust you with my darkest secrets and my worst fears.

"You've always made me feel safe. I guess I just never wanted to accept that. I wanted to hate you, I wanted to beat you in every way. I couldn't. I never could," she confessed to him. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling, just as his once did. Now, he watched her with a look that was so distinct she would have known it, had she looked over.

Love.

Tim felt love. When people were around him, they felt safe because of his mask. They felt safe because they knew that he would put his life down to save them. People felt safe because of all that he knew and could do. People didn't feel safe around him because they felt like they could be themselves.

The Titans did. They felt that way about him, but someone outside that life? He was never able to experience that. Tim never thought that she would feel like that. She trusted him with everything. He knew that she never put her trust into anyone, and to put all of it into him? That was an honour he couldn't imagine.

"You refused to meet me for six months," Tim stated. He wasn't trying to shame her, he was only remembering how much things had changed. "I never thought I'd be able to get you in the same room as me, much less get to where we are now. I never thought I would ever get the chance to care about you so much."

She rolled on her side to face him. Strands of raven hair falling into his face and hiding his features. His eyes held youth, but his smile was aged. Tim had gone through lots in his life and she felt as if she had barely even scratched the surface of his complex life. One day she would know his secrets.

Her fingers trailed up his arm until reaching the dark bruise on his chest. It was small and circular - almost as if he had been stuck by the end of a pole. However he had gotten it, he didn't look ready to share the tale. As she reached the edge of the purple mark, he grabbed her hand. They fell intertwined between the both of them.

Everything in these past few weeks had changed completely. Never did she think that she would be sharing a bed with him through the night or spilling her desires with him. She lived for the moments like that with him now, before she feared them.

She yearned for him. Not in the sexual, desire-filled way that she was used to. She craved the soft moments like these and late night conversation. To be free to see the world with him without the eyes of everyone on them. To be with him, in every way possible.

"I had no intentions to have sex with you when you came into my office that night," she chuckled at the memory. "I don't know what came over me. I just knew that I had to have you - I know it sounds ridiculous and that I sound like a slut for it - but it's true. I needed you that night. I need you now - different than before."

"What do you mean?" He asked. She broke away from their locked gaze.

"I need more than late night calls and shameless fucks. I need to wake up to you like this and to see your smile first thing. I need to listen to your voice when you get excited about things. I need you Tim, more than I ever imagined."

"I'm not going anywhere," Tim smiled. He placed a palm against her cheek, swiping his thumb against her cheekbone. His eyes flickered to her lips for less than a second but it was all she needed to pull herself into him and connect their lips. She needed him, and that was all he ever wanted to hear.

Their bodies molded together, bending against the curves of one another. Needy grabs at any loose material or gripping to bulging muscles. There was nothing but need to this kiss - need to be together, to be so consumed within each other that they couldn't tell up from down. The need to show their love that neither could admit.

Whatever shift that she had caused in their relationship within the past twelve hours, it was for the better. Whatever the hell they wanted to call it, it was just one step closer to their desired destiny. Destiny was a false hope for big dreamers. She wasn't a dreamer, not when she knew work was the only thing that would get her to where she wanted to be.

Tim pulled away from her. His chest heaving from the lack of oxygen but unable to keep away. She waited a moment before pulling him in for another. Her teeth grazed his bottom lip before she rested her forehead against his. "Do you mean that? You won't leave me?"

"I couldn't even if I tried."

taglist:  @unknowntoanyone @willieoo @kindashittywriter @subtleappreciation @yandereforyou @pricetagofficial @because-icanhide @magicisabluewish @hyp-oh-critical @littleredwing89 @boy-georgina @sparkleofpizza @craptainlou @timtimmersdrake @hauntingsonofrobin @anothertimdrakestan @idkmanicantenglish @vvipgot7be @psych0crybaby @theconfusedpansexualbitch @spiitfiires