#I guess its more that people have a sense of humor and we happen to live in the universe

[deep-space-netwerk]

So Venus is my favorite planet in the solar system - everything about it is just so weird.

It has this extraordinarily dense atmosphere that by all accounts shouldn't exist - Venus is close enough to the sun (and therefore hot enough) that the atmosphere should have literally evaporated away, just like Mercury's. We think Earth manages to keep its atmosphere by virtue of our magnetic field, but Venus doesn't even have that going for it. While Venus is probably volcanically active, it definitely doesn't have an internal magnetic dynamo, so whatever form of volcanism it has going on is very different from ours. And, it spins backwards! For some reason!!

But, for as many mysteries as Venus has, the United States really hasn't spent much time investigating it. The Soviet Union, on the other hand, sent no less than 16 probes to Venus between 1961 and 1984 as part of the Venera program - most of them looked like this!

The Soviet Union had a very different approach to space than the United States. NASA missions are typically extremely risk averse, and the spacecraft we launch are generally very expensive one-offs that have only one chance to succeed or fail.

It's lead to some really amazing science, but to put it into perspective, the Mars Opportunity rover only had to survive on Mars for 90 days for the mission to be declared a complete success. That thing lasted 15 years. I love the Opportunity rover as much as any self-respecting NASA engineer, but how much extra time and money did we spend that we didn't technically "need" to for it to last 60x longer than required?

Anyway, all to say, the Soviet Union took a more incremental approach, where failures were far less devastating. The Venera 9 through 14 probes were designed to land on the surface of Venus, and survive long enough to take a picture with two cameras - not an easy task, but a fairly straightforward goal compared to NASA standards. They had…mixed results.

Venera 9 managed to take a picture with one camera, but the other one's lens cap didn't deploy.

Venera 10 also managed to take a picture with one camera, but again the other lens cap didn't deploy.

Venera 11 took no pictures - neither lens cap deployed this time.

Venera 12 also took no pictures - because again, neither lens cap deployed.

Lotta problems with lens caps.

For Venera 13 and 14, in addition to the cameras they sent a device to sample the Venusian "soil". Upon landing, the arm was supposed to swing down and analyze the surface it touched - it was a simple mechanism that couldn't be re-deployed or adjusted after the first go.

This time, both lens caps FINALLY ejected perfectly, and we were treated to these marvelous, eerie pictures of the Venus landscape:

However, when the Venera 14 soil sampler arm deployed, instead of sampling the Venus surface, it managed to swing down and land perfectly on….an ejected lens cap.

[jaggedamethyst]

circuit breaker 🔬🌌 (part seven)

tutor!jayce talis x reader, ekko x reader college au

content: its the day after the kiss and you're not sure how to act...neither does jayce it seems.

notes: i dont think there's any warnings for this, but its a short one so we can get to the juicy stuff soon. i have a plan to combine some chapters so we can get the tea but this one had to end this way...you'll see.

series master list

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆　　 。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

Jayce sat stone-faced, examining the hospital band. The letters seemed foreign to him, displaying the name backward. He repeated the words in his mind—Talis comma Ximena. The text wasn’t new to him, but the sting felt fresh every time.

He felt the fabric of the bed sheets pull at him, shifting under his mom’s movement. 

“Jayce?”

“Hey, mom.”

She gripped his hand, albeit weakly, but the love was always there. “I missed you around here this week.” 

“I know,” he squeezed her hand in response. “I’ve been busy… but I’m glad to see you’re okay.” 

“I’m always okay when my beautiful son is here.” 

He smiled at that, blushing at the endearing and inherent motherly tone. Most of Jayce’s visits went like this—Ximena humoring him, and Jayce appreciating that she still had that life to her. It was often that people would get sick, lose their humanity. Not his mom; she was a fighter. 

“Love you, mom.” 

“I love you, too, Jayce.” 

—

“Do you want to explain what last night was about?” 

You were lost in thought, slowly walking on the path toward the student center. Feeling a hand on you should’ve induced fear but it was familiar, firm with a pinch you’d felt before. 

“Hello to you, too, Viktor.” 

“First you do…whatever it is that had Jayce so frazzled. Then,” Viktor pulled you toward him, ushering you to stop. “Then you skip class today. Is there something I should know about?” 

You stopped with him but avoided his gaze on you. “Nothing of note, no.” 

He smirked a bit, relinquishing the parental tone. “Is that so?” 

You smirked back, matching his more mirthful energy, “Mhm, nothing happened.” 

The sound of his cane tapping on the ground alerted you to walk again, resuming your path to your tutoring session. Truthfully, you tried to put it off. Skipping class, walking slow—all efforts to not see Jayce. You couldn’t handle it, not yet. 

“I know you two kissed.” 

“What?” You shook your head quickly, feigning shock, “We didn’t kiss! It was completely PG, we talked about the quiz, that’s it.” 

You paused, looking both ways before crossing at the stop sign. Viktor arched his brow, looking over to you with a knowing eye. 

“Your lips,” he pointed to his own in a circular motion, “Your lip balm was smeared.” 

A sharp inhale escaped you. Immediately, thoughts of Ekko flashed in your mind—his sudden change in demeanor. 

“Gosh, I,” you fumbled on your words. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” 

“It’s okay to not know. That’s the beauty of seeking knowledge, is it not?” 

“I guess so, but isn’t this different? This isn’t like learning some random equation-“

Viktor tilted his head, “I’d like to think that our relationships are like equations—yes—adding and taking away various things until we get an answer.” He continued after a pause, “The beauty is that unlike math, we actually have a say in what those outcomes are. Does that make sense?” 

“I know you’re a genius, but you don’t have to also make insanely good analogies.” 

Viktor shrugged—conveying a nonchalance that you knew was unlike him. He was similar to you in that way; he cared a lot about everything—everyone. You’d often reasoned that’s why you could be friends with him—his quiet passion. 

“Besides good figures of speech…I also find it imperative that you face your problems head on.” 

The student center came into view with a simultaneous wave of deja vu. Somehow you ended up in the same situation as before—reluctantly stepping into the building with a brilliant man by your side. This time, though, the fear wasn’t of asking for help. Now, you were reasonably worried about seeing Jayce after last night. 

Viktor wasn’t one to drag things out, so he left after giving you an encouraging smile. You swiftly made your way to the back, slightly happy at the thought of having a second to yourself. Jayce never got here before you. 

Of course he decided to change that habit today of all days. 

You tried not to pause so noticeably at the sight of him in the office, but you couldn’t help it. As if he felt you there, he turned his head to you. 

He quickly moved to open the door—same as always. “Hi.”

Your reply came out much weaker than you intended, startling yourself. “Hi.” 

Avoiding eye contact felt weird. You often did so in an attempt to seem focused on the material—and it would work surprisingly well. Today, though, meeting your eyes with Jayce’s felt exponentially harder.

Jayce spoke up, “We should talk about yesterday.” 

You moved to sit down, “Yeah, I-“ 

“You should be proud of yourself, you got a good grade.” 

Your eyes narrowed; you didn’t expect to gloss over what actually happened so easily. If he wanted to be this way, you could play along—preferred it even. 

“I am,” You nodded. It was curt, a finality lingering on it. 

A hand found the back of his neck, rubbing his own hair. He didn’t speak but opened the folder that was on the table. “Here’s more reference sheets that will be useful in the next few weeks.” 

He didn’t let you comment, spinning to the whiteboard that stood in front of you. His mind worked at the speed of light—jotting down everything he’d cover today and some examples that would help you later. It didn’t matter. You weren’t focused. The facade you’d put up to match his indifference was rooted in anything but. 

You cared. A lot. This hurts.

The hour passed with an insane drag. In what was usually an educational meeting, you found yourself half-engaged. To every question you’d offer a simple nod, murmur, or slight lip curl—nothing of significance. 

You would allow your eyes to trail over his back and up his neck—remembering the feel of him. A sip of your water, a tingle not nearly as exciting as the feel of his lips on yours. You’d even become painfully aware of the breeze from a vent in the room, and it reminded you of his breath softly swirling around you. 

None of it mattered, though, because he didn’t seem to care. 

At the exact moment your session was up, you slammed everything shut.

“Hey, don't worry.” Jayce stopped you, “You’ll be ready. I’m sure of it.” 

He was being honest, he always was. With the midterm coming up, there wasn’t time to waste—he knew that. The reassurance felt amazing, yet wasn’t what you wanted. His eyes crinkled at your lack of response, clearly stunned by your change in attitude today. You could only scoff at him and his deliberate attempt to disregard your feelings. 

You wanted to believe he was different.

“I’ll see you later, Jayce.” 

He scrambled, stumbling over his own feet, “Wait-“

Mel standing in the lobby made him stop, his words no longer finding him. You stood, looking between his confused face and Mel’s saddened one. He ignored you, ignored what he was about to say…for her. 

“Mel, what’s wrong?” 

Troubling thoughts swirled in your mind, mostly about whether something so juvenile as a kiss would compromise your sessions with Jayce. On the other hand, you considered Mel. You knew so little about her, about them. Part of you felt shame, hated that you weren’t sure what exactly their connection was. 

You refused to be that person—to enable a cheater, by accident or not. With a quick pivot in your feet you left, without a word to Jayce or a look back at him. 

Stepping outside felt like a whirlwind, even more so when you did a double take. A flash of a familiar blue shade hit your peripheral, still yet much more faded than the last time you saw it. You paused, slowly turning your head and letting the tension build in your eyebrows. 

The commotion of the world seemed to become louder, drowning out your whispers to the figure a few feet away from you. 

“Powder?” 

part eight

taglist

@juskonutoh @sseleniaa @aerina127 @sleepysoldier @angelicmisty @1800latenitecreep @venus-in-roses @myxticmoon @rando-no-5

[silverbriseis]

I think Tom/Voldemort(applying to either of them) deserve to have more fucked up humour in fics since it's basically canon.

Like let's be honest, both of them basically LIVE for weirding people out, you'd either be downright uncomfortable at best spending time with them or psychologically scarred/traumatized at worst. Young Tom was basically the most terrible kid in Wools orphanage with what he did to the rabbit and how he literally made two kids mute from some unnamed noodle incident. It's pretty clear even from the dialogue that he was practically on a powertrip, likely finding it humorous that the other children didn't have the power or magic to defend themselves.

Voldemort on the other hand, is more subtle with displays of psychological torment(when he isn't throwing around crucios) Eg. Calling Peter wormtail and taking numerous jabs at his cowardice and then joking about bellatrixes "highest pleasure" in that scene and then asking draco if he would babysit the cubs... lol

The only reason he doesn't come across like a guy who jokes around often is because most, if not all of his "jokes" are delivered very straightforwardly– and also most of his screentime is basically just torturing people, something he finds fun albeit it doesn't come across as jolly to the audience for obvious reasons

Like he's the type of guy to audibly snort at his own jokes, he probably used to write out edgy ass jokes along with anagrams of his name in that stupid diary of his— he probably thinks of himself as the pinnacle of hilarity along with being the greatest dark wizard who ever lived, hes like that boss who makes lots of cringe jokes and laughs afterwards then your forced to laugh aswell because you don't wanna get fired(do the DES actually find the jokes funny or is it just because it's Voldemort who's telling them? Guess we'll never know)

Also,

“I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to.”

In joke form would sound like:

This is his sense of humor 100% in a nutshell, internally he thinks of himself as the funniest person ever because its soooo "unique" and definitely not like everyone elses

And the best thing??? He's completely socially aware of what constitutes as just "normal jokes" and "fucked up shit to say" when he isnt playing the subservient charmer act, he just doesn't CARE about appearing normal lmao

Sooo anyways Tomarry(mort if you want it) moment where they're maybe making out, and Tom pulls out just to monologue-

"Ah, I've never been so close to any soul but you and this special connection we share blooms further with every glance I devote to you, it shouldn't feel so significant yet it does undeniably so, our souls are connected just like how we are linked in blood, it is perhaps why we look so alike, we are releated after all—infact we share a common ancestor, we are practically family in roots. So tell me, Harry- how does it feel kissing your own flesh and blood?"

Tom laughs for a bit before leaning back in to kiss again and Harry is just gobsmacked in every single way like- 'Wtf??? I thought this was a makeout session and not a 23andme reveal??????'

Harry thought Tom was being serious for a minute and asking a question but Tom was genuinely fucking around In every way he just lowkey sucks In delivery LMDOEJSK

Also, Voldemort being dragged into a room of people(none of whom he likes) and the first thing he declares out loud is "Casting the impervious curse on everyone here would be deftly simple!" and everyone there just stops and stares at him like "????" And he laughs only to say something like "'Cease being so fretful, I am merely being humorous— unless..........."

Anyways, i could go on and on about scenarios like this LIKE let Tom/Vee be a little silly(murderously) He doesn't have to be serious/dark all the time!!!! Sometimes, he's just a jolly little fella who thinks he's the funniest person in the whole wide world(his murderous streak just adds to it, dont tell him the truth shhhh!)

Also, feel free to recommend fics here with a Voldemort/Tom like this because I would love to read them and im writing some of my own aswel!!l❤❤

[holylulusworld]

BFG (9)

Summary: He’s new to town and just your type…

Pairing: Reacher x Plussized!Reader

Warnings/Tags: pregnancy, fluff, light smut (unprotected), love confessions

Catch up here: BFG (8)

BFG masterlist

He watched you move on top of him with adoration in his eyes. Reacher carefully held your hips in a soft grip to help you guide your movement.

With your knees spread wide and your hands flat on the mattress, you slowly rocked forward and back while moving your hips down onto him on the downstroke.

“Fuck, peach pie. You look so beautiful on top of me,” he watched you place your hand on his wide chest to peck his lips. “I want you to take what’s yours.”

“You’re already mine,” you kiss him again, “aren’t you? You came back to me.” You whined feelings his cock twitch inside of you. “I want you to come inside of me, my big friendly giant.” You purred against his lips. “Please, baby.”

You already came twice and wanted nothing more than to feel him fill you up again.

“I could cum only by watching you ride me like the fiery woman you are,” he rumbled close to his release and dropped his hands from your hips to cup your face. “Peach pie, you fuck me so good.” Reacher purred as his warmth filled you.

“Wow,” you stopped moving, and carefully laid down on his chest to catch your breath. “That was…amazing.”

“You are amazing,” he whispered while running his big hand up and down your back. “I can’t believe you took me back after I left.”

“We didn’t part on bad terms, Reacher. I knew about your hobo lifestyle before you left,” you sniffled. “I just missed you so much. It’s crazy that I fell for you so hard in such a short time. You gave me the best thing ever happening in my life.”

“You gave me something I haven’t had in a long time,” his voice shook for a second, and you lifted your head from his chest to look him in the eyes.

“Food and a bed big enough for my giant?” You giggle. “Or mind-blowing sex.”

“A family,” he softly said, “and a place I want to return to. I was a hobo all my life, but now I found home in you, and our baby.”

“Reacher,” you sniffled and struggled to push the tears away. “You…I love you.” Before you could cry and ruin the moment, you hid your face in his neck.

“I love you too, peach pie, and, yes, the bed too,” he chuckles while you shed a few happy tears. “It’s very stable. I think we should test its quality some more in the morning…”

“I see you kept him,” Frances dipped her head to watch Reacher sit on his seat at your diner. He smirked the moment you placed a plate with a slice of peach pie in front of him. “I guess you came back because she feeds you well.”

“You’re still around. Why?” Reacher glanced at Neagley and furrowed his brows. “I thought you said you’d leave town after I arrived.”

“I only made sure that you do not chicken out,” she replied and shrugged. “You know, to find out if I must hunt you down.”

“You stayed to get more cereals out of Y/N,” he smirked at her for a second before turning his attention toward the peach pie. “I came back for my peach pie.” He looked at the pie in front of him. “The pie is only a bonus.”

“Was that a dirty joke from you, Reacher?” She glanced at him, smirking. “Seriously? Major Reacher made a dirty joke.”

“I can be funny,” he grumbled. Reacher didn’t want you to believe that he’s a grump and has no sense of humor. If you believe he’s only good at repairing things and hurting people, you could change your mind and chase him away.

“Uh-huh,” Frances nodded slowly. “Sure, you can be funny, Reacher.”

“So, you two know each other from work. Have you been in contact for the whole time or,” you watched Reacher tense. He didn’t stay in contact with the rest of his former team. The only one he stayed in contact with was Neagley.”

“Reacher is not the kind of guy sending Christmas cards,” Frances hastily explained. “But if you need him, he’s there. You don’t have to explain anything. He jumps into a bus or airplane and comes to your rescue.”

You placed your hand on Reacher’s, giving him a soft smile. He was tense after your question, and you regretted opening your mouth. Sometimes you just can’t stop yourself. “He’s a protector, and I couldn’t be happier having him around.”

Reacher visibly relaxed at your words. He knew by now that you’re not the kind of person who tells lies to make other people more comfortable.

“I love me a man who can eat too,” you gently ran your fingertips over Reacher’s hand while looking him deep in the eyes. “Especially when the person is willing to give something up to make another person happy.”

Neagley nods. She’s happy for Reacher, even if he’s sometimes a big and grumpy Klotz. – Or rather, most of the time. He holds a special place in her heart and knows that somehow, she wormed her way into his heart too.

“You should reconsider your decision,” Frances laughs. “He’ll eat all your food, and did you see his size? You’ll never have enough space in your house again.”

“He can keep me warm in winter too. I like it cozy,” you smiled at him while squeezing his hand. “I think Reacher made my grandmother’s house a home."

Part 10

Tags in reblog.

[accirax]

Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 15 Dissection

FINALLY, I have a Friday night with few enough plans that I can watch and give my initial thoughts on the episode on the day that it aired >:D

... why am I celebrating being all alone on a Friday night? (/j)

Dissection time! This will be a Part 1 because I finally actually ran out of images. Please check the reblogs to see my further thoughts on the episode!

SPOILERS for Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14. Brief mentions of eating disorders and suicide.

Of course, it's also the first week where I probably won't have as much to say, not because there isn't stuff to comment on about the episode, but because the main thing that ate up my time/word count was assessing all of the evidence to talk about who the killer might be. Now that the killer has seemingly been revealed, there isn't really any "Chapter 2 murder" left to theorize about... that's insane.

Starting the episode off with Teruko saying that accusing Ace was her "judgment" was wild. She made it very clear that it wasn't just that she was humoring Eden or haphazardly starting with Ace first, but that she thought it over and decided that Ace was the more-likely-to-be-guilty party because of seeing Eden break down like that. She paid attention to Eden's emotions and let Eden into her heart! That's awesome!!!

(Not to say that you couldn't pay attention to Eden's emotions and still think that she was the culprit-- I'd be a pretty big hypocrite if I tried to argue that. And I just don't think that it's true.)

This is a really random point to bring up, but I remember from drawing my J-to-Xander secret santa exchange that one of J's main complaints about Xander was also that he was loud. I guess J just really hates loud people.

... David, put down the megaphone--

Now this surprised me. It really made sense to me that Arturo would be the one stalking Eden, given that we first heard about the stalking on the day that Arturo and Eden had their chat!

Although, it also makes sense that it wasn't, given that the Arturo/Eden conversation probably happened after the event where J pulled Teruko into that closet (just based on Arturo's vibes). That event was the last thing that Teruko did before the nighttime announcement rang. Thus, Eden talking to Arturo probably happened pretty late in the afternoon, not giving Arturo much time to have been following Eden. To be fair, I deemed that it could still very well be Arturo anyways, because it's not like Eden said anything such as "you've been following me all day" that truly indicated a time period. But it does make sense.

Seems like everyone who thought that the culprit could have been tailing Eden was correct! A round of applause for everyone who put those pieces together 👏 (/gen)

Now, this one, I don't believe I saw ANYONE speculate. Therefore, as an idea I'd never even heard tossed around, this really took me out. It makes sense, though: Eden is small and semi-canonically the weakest character in the killing game. Therefore, if you're looking for someone who you can near-guaranteed overpower, it makes sense if you were to target her.

On one hand, thinking down this line of logic makes me worried for Eden's survival prospects beyond Chapter 2. On the other, now that this has been directly addressed in canon, I find it less likely that someone will use that again down the line. The best place to do so would be at the next Class Trial, so that the logic can be "well, looks like someone tried to execute on Ace's original plan" when it's at its most relevant because Ace's crime would be at its most recent. However, I don't really think that Eden will be a victim at the next Class Trial, so I'm leaning towards saying that she wouldn't become a victim for that reason.

(It feels so unnatural to write out "Ace's crime" and be, like 95% certain that it's canon. This case is just one of the unsolved mysteries of history, the fuck??? (/j))

This was ALSO insane to me. I know that thebadjoe cited Ace claiming to have been in the Gym the day after he nearly died in there as a reason why Ace might have been lying about what day he overheard Arei and David on (the logic is probably somewhere in here), but I think I and many others just figured that he didn't want everyone to think he was a coward, or that his eating disorder would compel him to go back to the Gym anyways.

However, going back to the Gym to sus out how exactly Nico's contraption works makes perfect sense! J was right, if Ace was suffering through being killed when he awoke, he shouldn't have had the presence of mind to figure out the crime then and there. However, if he could combine the flashes he got of what happened while he was swinging from the fan, whatever he was able to make out when he ran out of the room to chase Nico, and being able to inspect the Gym after the fact, I think it's totally reasonable that he could have figured out what happened with enough clarity that he could replicate its essential elements elsewhere.

As it turns out, despite my crack at trying to figure out what happened, the Gym murder method wasn't actually all that complex.

Teruko: One. Given that you were stalking Eden before the Nico incident, you were already planning a murder beforehand. You entered the Gym with the pre-existing intent to take the tape for some different, unspecified murder plan, and changed your mind on the details later. Two. You were pretending to be unconscious for longer than we thought. And three. You took the tape for first aid.

Dammit, fellow "but it wouldn't have made sense for Ace to take the tape right after the attempt" truthers... I think she may have cooked us. (/j)

But hey, we love to see Teruko representing the "let me explain out various theoretical options by listing and discussing them numerically" crowd! It's always great to see yourself represented in media ;P Even if I never came up with any of these theoretical options.

My guess is probably that, of the options, the first is the most likely. I also think that Teruko probably agrees with that, given that it was what she went to first and it had the longest explanation. It's not really important, though, and I don't think there's any way to truly know, so I don't have much else to say about it.

Teruko noooooooooo :(

Whit FINALLY gets a new sprite and THIS is the expression and context?????? I love him.

Speaking of, I think that, thus far, the characters to have received new sprites in Chapter 2 Part 2 are Teruko, Ace, Arei, Hu, David, Veronika, Whit, and Nico? I'm not certain about whether Eden, Levi, or Rose had any, but I don't think they did. If true, I can't believe that Eden got through such a major role in the story without picking up any new sprites. It's probably because she already had a bunch to begin with, but, still.

Oh hey, he got one too. Protag/antag/support/chapter killer, boom.

Teruko: That's why Arei's wrists were bound-- because you didn't want her to wake up mid-murder to claw at her neck.

Definitely not what I was expecting from this piece of evidence, but I guess it tracks? My only question is why it would have been a problem if Arei had scratched at her neck. Like, it's not like both of them having neck scratches would have implicated Ace as the killer, right?

I guess maybe he was afraid that Arei would be able to escape his murder contraption much like he broke Nico's, even though the rope is probably much more sturdy than the wire. Or, maybe he was worried that it would work against the idea to stage it as a suicide? Either way, it's also convenient for just restraining Arei in general, so it's not like the evidence doesn't make any sense at all.

Nico, in audio: (Sorry.)

SO creative to contrast the voice lines and the spoken dialogue to really imply that Nico is saying it under their breath, or so quietly that nobody can hear.

However, let's not forget about the actual content of what Nico says whilst focusing on the cool media-specific presentation. Nico actually apologized to Ace after traumatizing him! Nico is very much characterized as a straight-shooter (or at least, when they're not trying to avoid conflict by saying whatever they think will help accomplish that), so I believe that when they said that they wouldn't say sorry to Ace because they didn't feel sorry for Ace, they meant it. However, that means that at some point between when Nico said that and now, something changed that made Nico feel genuine remorse towards Ace.

I think it's probably just seeing how much of an effect attempting to kill Ace truly had on his psyche and decisions. I don't know at what point Nico started fully believing that Ace was the one to kill Arei, but it's possible that it was around here. Obviously, at least at one point, Nico had no qualms with the idea of Ace dying, so it's not like seeing that their actions will actually manage to kill Ace would probably be that missing piece.

However, making Ace into a blackened is different than Ace just straight up dying as a victim, a difference which Ace acknowledges later in the episode. If Ace had died as the victim, Veronika wouldn't be toying around with him right now and making him humiliate himself. Nico might see that Ace is being bullied, and therefore, have more of a reason to feel sorry for him. Furthermore, Nico was forced to truly grapple with the reality of how hard it must be for the blackened to survive the Class Trial earlier in the chapter. Knowing now that they essentially passed the mantle on to Ace might make them feel bad.

Basically, I think that, for the first time, Nico might actually see a bit of themself in Ace, and that made it easier for Nico to sympathize with his plight.

Speaking of seeing yourself in Ace, Miss Near-Victim-to-Accused-of-Killing Pipeline...

KING

Okay, I do kinda take issue with this line of reasoning, not because Ace isn't strong-- or at least stronger than Eden-- because he absolutely is, but because Arei is also one of the nation's top performing athletes in her sport of choice? I mean, jockeying feels like more of a full-body sport than bowling, so it probably requires more strength training, but looping her in with Eden and Nico feels unfair. Justice for Arei... 's muscles. Anyways, carry on.

I THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIGHT BE POSSIBLE!!! I just never said it because, given that Arturo said that it seemed like there wasn't any other damage to the body, it didn't feel like it was supported by the facts. (Although, obviously, this Trial has proven that Arturo's autopsies are not infallible.)

I've researched before that punching someone in the jaw seems to be the most trustworthy way to knock someone out and have a low chance of killing them then and there. However, that would likely leave a bruise, so I didn't think it would happen. Strangling someone to the point of unconsciousness, however, is possible (it just might be harder/more likely to be lethal), so this totally makes sense!

Yup, unless Eden was trying to frame Ace by "framing" Nico, it really makes much more sense that Ace would have the incentive to copy Nico's crime down so closely.

I mean... this certainly makes it sound like Nico wouldn't attempt to be a blackened ever again...

It's always good to have a frame plan set for your frame plan. Nico wouldn't just do it without thinking about anyone else to blame, so you can't just blame Nico without establishing who Nico would have blamed!

Then again, this plan does require people to think that Nico didn't think about the rules enough to realize that they could easily rule out suicide as a bait. Then again x2, they already said that they didn't think too much about the reality of going to a Class Trial when they initially tried to kill Ace, so it's not so much of a reach as it would have been for other people.

I can't tell if this is somehow suspicious or just an indication that Eden is nice and thinks about others over herself. Ugh, now I have to decide whether I'm being suspicious of Eden as a mastermind candidate or not, and people are going to get mad at me for continuing to suspect her of foul play...! (/lh)

Shoutout to SomniaVA here for doing an excellent job of voicing Veronika. The line read on "too weak, too stupid, and too incompetent" especially was phenomenal. We stan Veronika in this household.

Man, I feel so bad for Ace in this part. Also shoutout to Seth Raffield for voicing Ace this entire time; if you ever read this, you 100% made Ace who he is and overall have some of my favorite voice acting in DRDT. Not being to hear any more voice lines from Ace will honestly be one of the parts of his upcoming death that'll make me the saddest. We haven't heard the very end of it yet, but thanks for all your hard work :)

(Dude I am NOT going to cry before the execution even happens--)

Charles, internally: (FUCK i made Whit sad BACKTRACK BACKTRACK BACKTRACK--)

I love them :,)

Levi: Charles is right. It really is no simple task to control a horse going over 40 miles per hour on a regular basis. It requires physical strength and endurance. Intense training 6 days a week is standard. And the physical tests that jockeys have to go through are grueling, to say the least.

How the fuck do you two know this

Charles: Not what it's called.

Thanks to Charles' comment, I was easily able to determine that this was a reference to the Dunning-Kruger Effect, which Wikipedia describes as "a cognitive bias in which people with limited competence in a particular domain overestimate their abilities." Or, in simpler terms, believing that something is easier than it is either because you don't know enough about the field to know about its intricacies, or because you don't know enough about being talented to realize that there's an entire world of skill above your personal ceiling (ouch).

Sorry if others already explained it or if people just knew this already, but I didn't, so I thought I'd share!

Also, Whit definitely has an interest in science/psychology or something. Or he just gets really, really bored.

Notably, we now know that this is something that DRDTdev will take into account when planning a murder going forward. Therefore, unless the culprit is one of our more athletic folks (of which there are a dwindling number-- mostly just Levi at this point), crimes in the future likely won't require any impressive feats of strength to accomplish. Much to think about.

See, the tragic thing here is that I don't actually think that Levi was trying to say anything ill of Ace by pointing out that he was the more likely of him and Eden to commit murder. After all, he doesn't give a damn about any of the murders he's committed. The worst Ace is probably getting is now being considered as a "bad person" on Levi's list (because "good people" don't kill people), but I don't think that this is the declaration of malice that Ace is taking it as.

Acevi doomed yaoi :,(

DRDTdev never fails to get silly with it and I appreciate that so much.

Just in case anyone is confused about what Teruko's talking about, I actually learned more about clothing starch since I started theorizing about the Chapter 2 murder case, because I worked at a dry cleaner for, like, a week. Suffice it to say, that now makes me an expert B) (/j)

Starch can be added to laundry when it's being washed to make it stiffer and less likely to wrinkle when it comes out to dry. It also makes them easier to iron, and easier to remove stains from. It's often used on dress clothes, just because those are the ones that people more often care about whether they're wrinkled or not. Seemingly, it can come in solid, pre-made liquid, or spray forms. All that is to say, this is absolutely something that could reasonably have been stored in the Dress-Up Room.

And this "evidence" was alluded to ahead of time-- not super far ahead of time, but when Teruko first touches the ball, she says something like, "is that starch?" I think DRDTdev probably included that line so that we wouldn't have to theorize about what could have possibly kept the ball together, but since apparently none of us theorizing last summer (or at least no one I remember talking to) dressed fancily enough to know what clothing starch was, it didn't help out much. As Arturo would say, "how disgusting." (/j)

... DAMMIT!!!

I thought about including the fitness band as a piece of evidence on my A Piece of Evidence That Lines Up With Them Only section, I really did. I just thought that including a minor detail from early in the Daily Life that would clearly only apply if the killer was Ace would be unfair territory, much like if I said, "well, we know that Eden is good at sneaking around because of how she snuck up on Teruko; that could be a killing blow so point to Eden." However, given that the killer is only Ace, it was totally within fair grounds for it to be used as the final piece. Mannnnnn :,(

Fun that he's literally riding a dark horse though. I know he was certainly a dark horse candidate for many of us.

Oh no. 30 images. I'll be back to finish my thoughts in a reblog either later tonight (in my timezone) or tomorrow. Hopefully later tonight. Until then!

[roxxiies]

HALLO!! i was the anon that asked the recent fredrinn question that you answered ( I was shy to follow you sorry )-

I hate it when people sexualise Fredrinn and only see him as "handsome" BUT I LIKE HIS PERSONALITY AND THE WAY HE'S LOYAL TO HIS LOVED ONES!!

I'M REALLY SORRY FOR THE WAY I SPEAK, ENGLISH ISN'T MY NATIVE LANGUAGE 😭

Maybe some headcanons about fred? I love fluff/sfw a lot but I can't say the same things about nsfw

THANK YOU FOR GIVING YOUR TIME ILY SM I LOVE YOUR WRITING I'M KISSING YOUR HANDS (not in a weird way plspls) ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

Fredrinn headcanons. sfw, fluff, crack

✩　featuring: fredrinn

a/n: HELLOO HII!! AND ITS OKAYY and I really really love how you like Fred!! man needs the attention he needs, I also added tiny tiny angst 😭 btw thank you for requesting!! arg. I had this scheduled but it didn't come through

Fredrinn will most likely know many languages… to may or may not gain the upper hand during negotiations

He may have this serious demeanor but he's really wit and might light up the mood with his dry funny humor.

Harley: We need to make a comeback! Fredrinn: Good thing I brought my lucky socks. Harley: … Fredrinn: deadpans What? They haven't lost a fight.

He enjoys teasing his friends and allies with his funny jokes and playful banter in which often catches them off guard 😭

He thinks he's funny. Tell him he's funny!!

He is undeniably loyal. He has this really deep compassion for his loved ones.

He's got an impeccable memory. Probably knows every value any artifact holds.

He really fears failing those he cares about

He's so determined that it's almost like he's obsessed.

Sometimes he's haunted by the memory of that day.

He keeps pushing himself really hard to reach his goal, even when it seems impossible. Let him rest :(

I don't think he'd be that greedy… being a master treasure appraiser and all. And that's why many respects him

At one point, he'd have a massive collection of valuable artifacts that he refuses to sell. He says the stories they hold are more valuable.

Eventually, Fredrinn would learn the ins and outs of Los Pecados.

His mysterious and calm demeanor would keep people intrigued which makes them keep on guessing what's actually happening inside his head.

Fredrinn has a great sense of loyalty so obviously betrayal shouldn't be in your to do list.

but when you're his trusted friend and you betrayed him?

:)

you obviously don't want some big guy behind you telling how much you're worth, do you?

just the other way around though…

Fredrinn: Oh, don't worry. If you die, I'll make sure your tombstone is appraised for its historical value!

That man: …

[sgiandubh]

It all starts with a smoke alarm

This wasn't supposed to happen like that, of course. It was supposed to happen with an ”allow me to introduce myself”, at the least. But hey, I am playing the cards I've been dealt, and since an anonymous ask on Tumblr does not allow pictures or links, this will have to do. We'll have plenty of time later.

Yesterday, I said that reading that Single Report reaped benefits. I have screen capped and summed up all the things that made me rise an eyebrow, to make things easier. Hopefully, this is going to be short: who would wax lyrical about a septic tank, after all?

I did not use my superpowers to do this, but simply the link provided by a very active Anon on several shipper blogs, in order to properly stir shite, I presume: https://corumproperty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/HomeReport-31.pdf

Armed with my wits and a virtual highlighter, I started to carefully read the whole document. Ownership details aside - this, I discussed yesterday -, I remind you that it should give any prospective buyer a good, detailed idea of the available fittings and current condition of the house put on sale.

In Europe and elsewhere, I guess, inspections of this type are rather a dull and thorough affair. And these people did an excellent job: they checked every single nook & cranny, used binoculars to have a closer look at the roof tiles and listed it all on these papers a good researcher should read, before dropping to conclusions.

This is how we know, for example, that the inspection happened on a rainy day:

.. and that the guttering was overflowing. Does that sound like a well loved, lived-in house to you?

Thought so.

This brought a smile. And the image of a Christmas tree left near a London dustbin in June. Home, sweet home?

Like all properties, this also comes with burglar and fire alarm systems. However, apparently not much has been done, in this respect. Or at least, not recently. Not since February 2022, to be accurate: otherwise, they would have been upgraded. Yet, no such thing: it's up to the buyer to do and pay for the upgrade.

Lived-in? Certainly not after February 2022 and probably even earlier, would be my best guess. But lived-in at some point in time, most certainly.

You see, since I was on the real estate agent's webpage, I also took the virtual tour of the house. It is available to everyone, here: https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=AFKibrk8QiD

Now, I don't know about you, but when I visit somebody's house for the first time, I always check the bookshelves: yes, I am a shameless nerd. I am also well aware that the rest of the furniture was staged, it looked that sad, clinical way it does all over the world. Did not expect to find any books in there, to be honest. And yet, there they were.

I didn't bother with the fashion coffee table books, although I thought they were a nice nod to Ms. B's past, and totally the kind of things she might have on her credenza.

A built-in bookshelf in the basement caught my eye. That did not look staged. It looked as she might have left some of her own books in there, like an afterthought, if you want. And people's choices of books are always speaking volumes to me, about who they really are.

It did not disappoint.

More fash-un. And yeah, Tiffany & Co! I knew it!

A Tina Turner bio or memoir. Awww:

Bette Davis and some feminist literature. Her books, I am pretty sure of that:

And, to save the best for last, lo and behold, what do we have here?

Bear Grylls?

That Bear Grylls?

Hahahaha. Of course. I have all the reasons in the world to believe the music producer/PA/whatever is into masculine thrillers written by a world-renowned survivalist, haven't I?

Not a chance in hell, to be honest. I grinned like the Cheshire cat because, ladies, we do know WHOSE book is this, don't we?

Judging by its jacket, well-read. Not a prop.

Belonging to someone with a dry, wicked sense of humor who apparently also left this gem:

A Captain's Duty. At this point in time, I wasn't grinning anymore. I was laughing like an idiot, of course.

Slàinte mhath, ladies. We'll have time for a proper introduction later.

[theside-b]

Spoilers for the novel (and my review for the Live Action) ahead :

The boys do get together, but that act ends with their break up when people find out that Tian and Wang are romantically involved, unlike in Unknown where everyone was ok with Qian and Yuan getting together in A Certain Someone the fact that they are 'brothers' plays a huge role at that stage of their relationship and the eventual demise of their first attempt at a romance. Their break up lasts 6/7 years, don't remember exactly, but its a long time...

A lot more happens, but the show made some fundamental changes to both characters. It takes A LONG time for Tian to come to terms with his own feelings, that scene where he sees his father with another man in bed tints his whole worldview from a very young age — he develops quite the internalized homophobia; he is fine with other's queerness but it's his own that he cannot accept since he sees his father sexual orientation as the reason for the destruction of his family.

There is a tense moment between Tian and his father, where his dad says "we are more alike than you care to admit" hinting that he knows of what its happening between the boys and mind you Tian is still trying to sort out what he feels for Wang. The show sugarcoats quite a lot, novel's Tian would never initiate a kiss with Wang or even play along like he did in the show, at least not at that stage of their relationship.

Speaking of which, Wang is also different in the books. In the show he reads as pretty open minded, curious about anything and everything. In the novel he's pretty straight (at first), the journey really begins as a bromance until the feelings start to change. There is a lot of push and shove between the two of them, and is veeery slow.

The show pretty much burns bright the part where Wang tears Tian's emotional walls. Which I don't mind, otherwise it would take 50 episodes to wrap the first act. I honestly thought they were going to draw an original route for the show, but they are slowly adapting elements they left behind so they can follow the book.

Now for the review:

All in all, I think the show did a good job all things considered: production began in mainland China where Liu Dong was cast, but censorship hinders lgbtqia+ productions there so pre-production moved to Taiwan and there the rest of the casting was done. It's hard to tell how much of that interfered in the script but I assume Tian's father core plot was removed in the first draft and got re-integrated once production moved to Taiwan (Chris Lee's casting was one of the last to be announced which probably means he was also one of the last to join filming). Considering that productions like The Spirealm got pulled for much less is understandable that they would avoid the more thorny subjects under China's homophobic gaze.

(Educated guess here: considering all the publicity push, I imagine either Andy Cheng or Stan Huang were the choices for Wang, but since Liu's casting was an order from one of the financial backers they got smaller roles — it's a common move in taiwanese productions — by the way, there is a 'love triangle' later, is a sad thing since there is no-way you can split the main couple, but the show made me wonder who is going to be playing the third party in the live action).

As I always say about taiwanese shows: you have to watch the live play. The On1y One is much like it's local peers, it works wonders in small doses, but as soon as you see the whole picture you start to see the cracks. It reminded me a lot of Kiseki: Dear to Me in the sense that the main couple story is the emotional backbone, with a somber approach with brief moments of humor but everything surrounding it is slightly unhinged.

Everything that happened at that school was insane. The amount of crimes committed in the school grounds was ridiculous, the fact that Qi Jia Hao didn't ended up behind bars after ordering thugs to attack Wang and assault the english teacher is crazy. The whole side-plot involving the teachers was head-scraching by the way, much like everyone else I assumed that Zhao Xi and Benny were married when they were introduced.

Imagine my surprise finding out that not only they were not married but at one point Zhao Xi thought Benny could be interested in the english teacher (speaking of her, why the hell did she sounded dubbed? Is that not her real voice?). This whole story felt so disjointed from everything else, and it came at the tail end of the season(?), so not only it took some much suspension of disbelief for me to buy that these 40-year old gays were that emotionally impaired but also demanded patience since they spent very valuable screen time which could've benefited the main couple.

That is all to say that while I was having a blast while watching, the more I stop and think about it critically the more problems I see in this show. And again, that usually happens with taiwanese productions, experienced the same with Kiseki and Unknown, two shows that I adore, flaws and all, and now the same happens with The On1y One.

[jgmartin]

THE TALL THINGS ARE WATCHING

We can’t leave the house.

They’ve boarded up our doors and windows, started shooting people trying to break free. There are things in the streets. Tall things. I see their shadows sometimes as they run past the wooden boards. I hear the rumble of their feet.

I don’t know what they are. None of us do.

They cut our access to television and the internet when the lockdown began. They even took out the cell tower. Anne said they didn’t want us communicating with the outside world, telling them about what’s going on out here. I think she’s right.

It’s been two weeks since the men in suits came by. They said they worked for government intelligence and that they were looking for a terrorist. They didn’t strike me as government types, personally. They looked distracted. Spaced out. More like Scientologists than CIA agents, but then I’ve never met a Scientologist or a CIA agent, so who was I to tell the difference?

Either way, they said it would be over soon, and they sounded official. More importantly, they had guns. “We’ll need to search every household,” they explained. “We can’t have anybody leaving before we’ve cleared their property, so we’ll have to board you in.”

It made sense, I guess. In a twisted dystopian nightmare sort of way. It made sense all the way up until the end of the fourth night, when the Tall Things started roaming the streets. They were dressed in long raincoats. Hooded. The way they moved gave me the chills, all jerky and snapping, so I stayed away from the windows.

Anne didn’t mind though. She was fascinated by them. Her and our gun-nut neighbor, Old Ty, exchanged theories written on pieces of cardboard, holding them up to the glass of our windows. GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT, she wrote on hers. ALIEN INVASION, he wrote on his.

At first, it seemed to just be a bit of innocent, morbid fun. Finding some humor in a bizarre situation. Then Anne watched one of the Tall Things kill somebody, and everything changed.

It was an elderly man in our cul-de-sac, Mister Douglas. Anne watched him open his door, hammer down the boards as one of the Tall Things walked by. He shouted at it. Told it to get over here so he could see just what kind of unholy bullshit his tax dollars were being used to fund.

Next thing you know, there’s sirens in the streets. Soldiers rushing his home. There’s a megaphone shouting at him to get back inside. All of it is useless. All of it happens far too late, because the moment Douglas starts yelling at the Tall Thing, it starts to twitch and jerk like it can’t control its own behavior. Like a predator hungry for a meal.

It snaps its head toward Douglas, then tears across his lawn and snaps him up in its long, spider-like hands. It lifts him off the ground. Then, he screams. He screams and he screams until the Tall Thing lowers the hood of its rain jacket, and then Douglas goes pale as a ghost. Silent.

According to Anne, that’s when the skin of his face started to bubble and pop. That’s when he started hissing out steam, smoking as his flesh sizzled beneath his clothes, as if he were boiling alive from the inside out. Next thing you know, he’s dripping onto the pavement. Dripping and dripping until there’s nothing left of him but a puddle of flesh and clothes.

Nobody tries to step in. Not any of the soldiers, not Anne, and not even Old Ty and all his guns. Everybody watches in stunned silence as the Tall Thing finishes its execution and saunters away.

The soldiers roam with them. The soldiers and the people in long white clothes. Anne says they’re lab coats, and the people are researchers studying the Tall Things as experiments, but I think they look more like robes– like clergymen. All of them wear helmets with tinted visors. It’s as though they don’t want to get a good look at the things.

After Mr. Douglas, more people on the block decided to make a break for it. Maybe they realized this was worse than they thought. Maybe they started wondering what the point of keeping us locked away like this was– were we food for these creatures? Were they trying to turn us into them?

None of us knew. All we could say for certain is that the killing didn’t stop with Mr. Douglas. I woke up one morning to see several of my neighbors shot dead in their yards, their lifeless eyes gazing back at me from the grass. Nobody came to pick them up. They were left there to rot, picked apart by birds and stray dogs.

Soon, gunshots were ringing out at all hours of the day. People wanted out, but the soldiers wouldn’t let them leave, and so the bodies began to pile up. Eventually I think Anne and I were the only two left alive in our cul-de-sac. Even Old Ty had seemed to vanish. Probably shot dead in his backyard.

I’d rarely known death in my life, and now the sheer volume of it was numbing me. I couldn’t process it. I didn’t know how. But then, almost out of the blue the government had a change of heart. Or maybe they just shifted tactics. Suddenly they began letting people leave.

I saw it first with a house at the very end of the road. I watched the woman who lived there break out with a baby tucked in her arm and a grade-schooler holding her hand. The three of them darted across their lawn, jumped over their father’s corpse and piled into their minivan on the street.

The entire time, a soldier and white-coat stood only meters away, quietly observing. It didn’t take long for the rumbling to begin– that telltale sound of approaching death, of one of the Tall Things coming to claim its prize. The van started up, backfiring a plume of exhaust into the air. I listened as the woman shrieked for joy, but I knew the joy would be short lived.

See, from my vantage point at the end of the lane, I saw something that she never could. The boot locked around her rear tire. The van rode forward as she pressed the gas, and then clunked to a stop. My heart broke. The look on her face, the desperation wasn’t for her– it was for her children in the back.

The rumble reached a crescendo, and in the blink of an eye a Tall Thing crashed into the van and knocked it over like a diecast toy. I couldn’t make out much beyond that. Nothing but the sound of the monster tearing into the roof of the van and pulling the crying children out one by one while their mother begged for mercy.

If I were a better, stupider man I may have kicked down my door and tried to save them, but I wasn’t. I was a coward. Instead, I fell to my living room carpet and cried. I laid there and listened as their flesh popped and sizzled, as their skin fell to the pavement in long, heavy drips.

It’s a sound I’ll never forget.

The next day, things got worse. The soldiers no longer cared about enforcing the lockdown or even keeping people safely indoors. Now they were breaking them out. Like hungry wolves, they tore down boarded-up doors and kicked in living room windows, dragging families out onto their lawns for slaughter. If the screams were horrible before, now they were unbearable. You couldn’t ignore them. Anne and I cranked our sound system to the max, but it only served as background static. The dying cut through everything.

That night we barely slept. Anne tossed and turned beside me, while I stared blankly at the ceiling fan above. There was an understanding between us. We had been abandoned. There was nobody coming to help us, nobody coming to arrest these monsters and save the day. We were alone.

How long until her and I were dragged out of our home? How long until we became the next experiment chained to our fence, waiting to be attacked by one of those creatures? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Neither of us knew, and somehow that made it all the worse.

I woke up to sunlight peeking through our boarded-up bedroom window. Anne was missing. I looked all over the house for her before I found her note on the kitchen counter, scribbled quickly.

I know you’re afraid, the note read, but I have to leave. You might think we’ll make it through this, that once they’ve had their fill of guinea pigs they’ll let the rest of us go free, but I promise you they’ll come for us soon. This might be my last chance. Since you won’t come with me, I’m going alone. I wish I could have said a proper goodbye, but I know you’d try to stop me.

Love always,

- Anniebear

She left through the basement hatch. I know this because I spotted her corpse some five feet away through our kitchen window. She gazed back at me, a look of shock painted across her pale face, with a small red dot where the bullet pierced her skull. I couldn’t even muster the courage to step out and bury her. Instead the racoons and dogs took care of her, one piece at a time.

She was right, though. Eventually they did come for me.

It was over a week later. By then I didn’t have the will to resist. I waited patiently at the kitchen table, drunk with a glass of whiskey as soldiers and white-coats dragged me from the house. When I’d seen it happen to other people, it seemed to occur so quickly. Now, it happened in slow motion.

I heard every word from the soldier's mouth. Every command. First, he patted me down and ensured I was disarmed, then he told me this was all routine and nothing to worry about. Together they took me out into my yard. The white-coat asked me if I had lived a good life, if I had been a man of faith. I didn’t know what to say. Maybe I was simply too drunk, or maybe I truly didn’t care anymore.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” the white-coat assured me. “You’ll be at peace once it’s over, brother.”

In the distance came the growing rumble of the monster’s feet. Of the Tall Thing coming to claim its bounty.

“How many more after this?” the soldier asked the white-coat, his hand painfully gripping my shoulder.

“Sixteen.”

“Then us, sister?”

“Then us.”

The rumbling deepened. The Tall Thing was getting closer, and soon my heart was beating in sync with its stampeding footfalls. Memories flashed in my mind. Memories of Anne, of my dead neighbors, of the mother who lived at the end of the road and her children, now puddles of flesh on the pavement. My hands became fists. Indignation and fury grew inside of me, stoked by whisky fumes.

“Why do this?” I growled. “Why not just put a bullet in my head?”

“Because we love you, brother,” said the white-coat. “You waited patiently. You had faith, and for that you will be rewarded with salvation. You will be raptured.”

The Tall Thing rounded the corner, its legs slapping against the ground in great strides. Its frame eclipsed the moon, casting a shadow across me and stealing the breath from my lungs. It slowed down as it reached my lawn, sauntering this way and that.

“What are they?” I whispered.

“The ones that made us,” the white-coat replied. “Those that gave us life.”

I shrank away as the Tall Thing neared, but the soldier shoved me forward. “Be strong, brother. Show it your conviction. We were brought to this planet long ago, but now our time is served and we’re finally going home. Don’t you want to go home?”

The Tall Thing reached up to its hood. As it did, the soldier’s grip loosened and both he and the white-coat stepped to the side, away from the creature’s view. I would not scream, I told myself. No matter what, I wouldn’t give these monsters the satisfaction of my terror.

It pulled back on its hood, and something grotesque looked down on me. It was as if a hundred different faces had been stitched together, fused into an abomination that seemed to smile from fifteen mouths. “We come in peace,” it said.

My teeth bit into my cheeks, clenching them closed. A whimper escaped me, a whimper and a groan as my stomach filled with a soup of boiling horror. I would not scream. No matter the pain-- I would not scream.

Its long, spindly hands gripped my face. It cocked its head to the side, a hundred different eyes blinking back at me. Then it tugged at the bottom of my mouth.

But I wasn’t going to let it have its way. I clenched my jaw, holding it closed. The creature blinked at me. Then it repositioned its grip.

Crack.

It snapped my jaw like cardboard. I roared in agony, my lower mouth hanging limply from my face. Tears fell from my eyes in a torrent.

“Shh,” it whispered, slipping a finger down my throat. I choked and gagged. It fished its finger around as a hundred different eyes rolled back, and fifteen mouths began muttering an alien language.

I struggled against it, pulling at its arm but it was useless. The monster was too strong. Then a gunshot rang out.

And another. The Tall Thing wheeled around, dropping me onto my lawn as the soldier began shouting into his radio. The next second, a bullet found the soldier in the head. The white-coat shrieked, fleeing around my fence as a round caught her in the shoulder. The Tall Thing shot up to its full height, standing level with the street lamps and then sprinted toward the shooter.

Toward Old Ty.

He’d set up a killzone on his roof, surrounded by rifles and ammo. He’d waited for a moonless night to do his business, and now he was raining lead onto the creature like a blizzard of death. “What are you waiting for?” he bellowed. “Get moving, dipshit!”

I did. I stole away, hiding in shrubs and behind sheds, watching as Tall Things came roaring down streets, jumping over houses and knocking over cars as they tried to reach Old Ty. He only lasted a few minutes. That’s when the shooting stopped, but it was enough time for me to get away.

Maybe enough time for others, too.

It took me three hours to hike through Debby Forest and make it to the next town, and once I did I breathed a sigh of relief. There weren’t any soldiers. No white-coats. Most importantly, there weren’t any Tall Things melting people in their clothes. Just quiet stillness, the thing early mornings were meant for.

I made my way to the sheriff’s department to blow the whistle on what was going on. To explain that people were being shot, that Tall Things were melting people on the street and that we needed to get our ass in gear and call in the National Guard– no, scratch that. We needed to call in fucking NATO.

But as I got to the door of the precinct I stopped. Something gleamed in the corner of my eye, catching my attention. It was there, at the edge of the curb. A puddle.

Strange thing was, it hadn’t rained in weeks.

[mystreet-liveblog]

Its not even the voices Aphmau needed to do in early seasons. I just have troubles where I take shows really seriously, so the no warning / no consent kissing or the people trying to find out everything about Aphmau's love life is just frustrating for me.

Autistic people taking things too seriously, what else is new?

I hear that, I too have the “tism”

But on the rewatch I kind of read it differently. It makes sense that Aph’s friends would be concerned about her love life since she hasn’t been interested in anyone since high school, her mom is notorious for hating boys, and half her male friends have crushes on her and she doesn’t reciprocate any of them. It’s an interesting situation and I know I’d be concerned, especially if I was Katelyn or KC

Katelyn sees Aph as a sister and knows that she’s had bad experiences with boys in the past (Gene and Ein, though I haven’t gotten to Ein in the rewatch yet so I may be misremembering some details) so of course she’d be suspicious of Laurance and the others across the street, Aaron who’s super suspicious and used to be a bully, and Zane who is literally Zane hahah

Meanwhile, KC is obsessed with shipping and she stands as an outlier who actively analyzes relationships and pairs them together in her mind as possible relationships, with her favorites being expressed more openly and verbally like a hyperfixation. It’s problematic but also not unheard of, and I can relate to analyzing your friends and deducing their compatibility (though not so much pressuring them into pursuing that compatibility :/). In the end she just wants to see all her friends happy, and she projects her own love of romantic love onto them

(KC actually reminds me a bit of Nepeta from Homestuck but that’s a conversation for a different day)

I do think the lack of consent coming from Laurance and his roommates is very weird and disturbing, but the conscious narrative seems aware that it’s problematic while the subconscious narrative plays it off as a joke. It’s not really that funny, but I guess that’s just part of the anime tropiness of the season.

The entire show, or at least the first seasons of MyStreet and PDH, was made to feel anime tropey and unfortunately that kind of nonconsensual humor is very anime. It’s a little nuanced tho that the rest of the show explores the “after they get together” situations rarely seen in romance anime, though, as well as abandoning the nonconsensual humor in favor of villainizing it and using it to characterize antagonists (sorry Laurance fans your fav is problematic <3)

I actually kind of realized through my rewatch that Laurance was the main instigator of these inappropriate actions and it’s really his own problem to work through. The rest follow him with the frat boy mindset and only come to their senses when actually thinking on their own lol

Like, I remember as a kid there being so many jokes about Travis touching peoples butts, but as far as I remember from my rewatch they were all accidents! That’s kind of funny actually! But the normalization of predatory behavior is very weird in S1 and I’m glad it’s gone in S2

In PDH S1, it’s only slightly justified by the students all being literal children who are working through their hormones and poor coping mechanisms. Both Laurance and Garroth kiss Aphmau without her consent and then swear her to secrecy, which is toxic as hell and its protrayed as such. Gene even threatens to kiss her in front of Aaron which is a whole other thing we don’t need to discuss at length cause I’m sure you get the point by now

But PDH-Aaron notably asks permission every time he does anything romantic with Aph and it’s sweet. In S1 of MyStreet, he does kiss her after the play without verbal consent, but it’s implied she did at least nonverbally consent in later episodes when discussing what happened. Regardless, that sort of content in S1 isn’t touched upon as the story goes on which makes it a lot better to me, and it shows the growth of the author alongside her characters

WOAH— SORRY FOR THE LONG RESPONSE!!!! I just found this topic interesting!!!! Hope you have fun reading this MOUNTAIN wow—

[jackrabbit-fandom]

Hi hi hi!!! I saw you write for one piece and was wondering if I could request something for luffy thats probably a little too specific..????

I headcannon luffy is somewhere on the aro/ace or gray spectrum and would just be so interested in reading about reader having feelings for him because hes like just you know luffy our boy😭 and luffy considers reader as practically oul mate type thsts how close they are.

Maybe like he feels just a tiny bit of something but decides to leave that until after he becomes king of the pirates but if its too hard you dont have to do this😭😭

Like doesnt have to be anything long or too grand and its okay if you dont want to write it🙏but thank you so much in advanve if you make it! ^^ (also hopefully no events that happen after sabaody because thats where i am right now im sorry but you dont have to if yoh dont want!😭💔)

AroAce Luffy headcanons (sorta)

So I'm not super versed on the aro part of the spectrum, but i am on the ace side, so i know more given that. Ether way, luffy is one of my favorites, and this is one of my own headcanons for him. More so, headcannon style then "story" cause im still trying to figure that part out, lol

Firstly, I'll say that to make this work, im going more so in the demi-romantic/sexual side. I am of the opinion that while he is slightly oblivious, and let's be honest, kinda dumb at times, luffy isn't completely clueless to these things.

Nothing too big here, gender neutral pronouns, fluff/tiny bit of angst, It's a tiny suggestive, but it's not really anything bad, Mabye, a bit of crack cause luffy

Sorry if this wasn't exactly what you were looking for. Like i said, I've never done this before, but hopefully, you liked it anyway

~Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having feelings for this guy would be kinda hard, mainly because he's very obvious when people do like him. Hed likely just assumed your best buds for a while unless you get the courage to just tell him. This can get frustrating when he's constantly hugging you and hanging around you.

If we do go fully on aroace luffy, it'd probably hurt a bit. He'd probably fully ignore your feelings for him or just not notice. It would be more so a one-sided pinning. If you're part of his crew, he likely clings onto you like he does with the others, which could also make things worse

If you confess to him now, he'd just straight up tell you he's not interested, or he doesn't care about that kinda thing

However, if we go more of a demi route and you confess, theres a few outcomes:

The first one is that he just bluntly says he's not interested, just like in the aroace one, which is kinda harsh but not fully unexpected. I don't think he'd mean it to actually hurt you, but he does mainly seem to tell the truth with these things

The second would be where he misunderstands your confession somehow? And it ends up as a kind of "i love you." "i love you too, buddy!" Thing which just gets awkward....

The third is where he's known you for quite some time and has been able to get close enough to develop some feelings. With him, he's a very loyal friend, but in terms of relationships, he's not used to feeling that kind of love, i guess? So it'd likely take him a bit of time to get used to the feeling and figure out what to do with it. It likely does come with confusion and a few questions, but as i said, he's not COMPLETELY clueless. He knows what a relationship is, at least. You'd have to essentially be his soulmate, which in his mind is likely someone who has his sense of humor and can cook. Obviously, he has a bit more to that, such as he'd prefer someone who doesn't manipulate or hurt ithers for their own personal gain

If he were to start a relationship, i do think it would have to be after he became king of the pirates. He doesn't really want many distractions in his adventure when it comes to that kind of relationship. Plus, like i said, he'd have to be very close to you, so assuming you a strawhat as well, I'd give him plenty of time to grow attached. So once his goal was reached, he may be willing to try a relationship. I still see him as a very goofy person even then, so he'd probably still just treat you like his best buddy but with a new title.

Like i said, i dont think much would change when it comes to how he treats you. He's already very affectionate with his crew, so he likely acts the same with you. If you asked, though, i think he'd try to give you a bit more than the others, but it still wouldn't be a big difference. Though if you asked for a kiss... you might end up with the sloppiest wettest smooch in the world right on your cheek.

Given that he's inexperienced, he might ask the others for some advice which likely wouldn't end well, its ether zoro giving him the dumbest awnsers sense they share a brain cell, sanji attempting to give luffy 'gentleman lessons" and getting frustrated, usopp acting like a expert just to not be that, or him finally getting to nami and robin and getting actual advice. That would somehow backfire anyway.

On the side of Ace, i don't think he'd be very interested in that kind of stuff. It's been confirmed that he reacts towards the bath scenes and such due to usopp being there. He just doesn't strike me as the type to be overly active in that area, again i dont think hes clueless,i doubt makima never gave him and his brother 'the talk' he just doesnt care for it. It's just never been something he's been interested in. He likely overheard Shanks talking about it at some point but didn't really care.

One piece and luffy are not my own characters, though the headcannons themselves are mine

Sorry for any grammer or spelling errors.

[esseastri]

Nicole's Favorite Books That She Read in 2024!

I think I missed doing this post the last few years, but let's get back on the train, shall we?

In no particular order, we have:

The Book of Ile-Rein, by Martha Wells: I've been gobbling up all the Martha Wells backlist that Tor has been reprinting, and I adored this set. Element of Fire was a classic and Death of the Necromancer was a romp. Both were fun for very different reasons, but as always I love Martha's characters too much.

Lady Eve's Last Con, by Rebecca Fairmow: Oh, what an absolute DELIGHT of a novel! Full of 1820s etiquette and elegance, 1920s glitz and glam, 2020s swag and shenanigans, and 2120s gravity and grit, this book is fast and fun. The characters are unforgettable, the plot is unputdownable, and the romance is to die for. The most fun you've had at a zero-g engagement gala, for sure.

The River Has Roots, by Amal El-Mohtar: Comes out in March 2025!: I cannot put into coherent words how very much I love Amal El-Mohtar's writing. It's just so beautiful. Lyrical and clever, intricate but open, so full of heart. This book was written with so much love, and it shows. I could wrap myself in this story like it's a scarf and just wander its sentences forever.

The City in Glass, by Nghi Vo: God, this book is so beautiful, but it made me full-body sob for an entire chapter, so I guess, be aware. This book is about grief. Loss and hurt and anger and grief. It is absolutely gorgeous.

Parable of the Sower, by Octavia Butler: It's really hard to rate this book because it was amazing and also horrifying. So many terrible things happen, but the book is beautiful, too. Despite the fact that everything that can go wrong in Lauren's life does, in fact, go wrong, she is so hopeful. She's got something to believe in, and she is so tenacious. I hated this book and I also loved it. And I am so deeply angry at every literature class I took that didn't teach Octavia Butler.

The Dead Cat Tail Assassins, by P Djeli Clark: I don't think P. Djèlí Clark is capable of writing a thing I don't like. His prose is just magical, his ideas are brilliant, his characters are wonderful, and his books just fill me with joy. This was hilarious and brutal and fun and sad and I loved it. I loved it so much.

Mammoths at the Gates, by Nghi Vo: If you haven't read the Singing Hills, don't start with this one, go back and read the first three. But then read this one. This one is about grief and it is beautiful.

Swordcrossed, by Freya Marske: The Midnight Bargain's less magical and much spicier cousin, this book is an absolute delight. I'm a sucker for a snarky con man with a heart of gold, so I was sold on Luca from page one, but Matti crept up on me and I found myself loving his seriousness and his sneaky sense of humor, too. Personally, I want the Maya and Sofia POV of this book, because I love those two women more than I can explain, but I'm content with the disaster boys getting the spotlight, too. A great, low-stakes romp though business espionage, sword lessons, guild intrigue, "sword lessons", and the wildest wedding this town has ever seen, Swordcrossed is just fun. So much fun.

A Novel Love Story, by Ashley Poston: This one is about how books by your favorite authors have the ability to change the course of your life, and I just wish Ashley could know that she's that author for me. I love this book.

Howl's Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones: I'm still not sure how I somehow managed to miss this book entirely, but god, it is SO SWEET and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It wraps up very quickly at the end, but honestly, that feels very Howl--slapdash and manic and wild. I love how Sophie is the embodiment of "This Might As Well Happen." I just really love them all. What a good book.

Godkiller, by Hannah Kaner: I loved Kissen from page one, and Elo is such a soft boy he was irresistible, and I love the worldbuilding of this strange, godful land sO MUCH. The circle of people creating gods who create people and destroy them so the people must destroy them is such a fascinating design for faith and belief, and I loved the exploration of it.

The Mars House, by Natasha Pulley: Have you ever gotten mad at an author for being too good at writing words? For taking deep, dark, heavy topics like prejudice and fear, anger and murder, right versus good versus kind--and making them beautiful and delicate? For taking harsh edges and writing them in such a way that they seem like soft candlelight? For taking real science and feeding enough fiction into it that you hope this is how the world turns out because maybe, if it were real, then things might be okay a long time from now? Anyway, I've finished this book and I am pissed off that I finished it because what the hell do I read now?

City of Bones, by Martha Wells: While I don't jive with the title of this book (and I'm not sure the book jives with it either), I loved everything else about it. Wells is an absolute master of characters, especially non-human characters that end up being the most human and the best of them. Khat is no exception, and falls in with Murderbot, Moon, and Kai on my favorites list. I love a person who is too deeply good for their own safety. And Wells writes these doofuses perfectly. It's a slow start and a soft story (surprisingly soft, considering how dark it can be), but if you can give it a little patience and attention, this book--like its main character--will open up to you and reward you greatly for your time.

[ooglywooglies]

FINE, LILY ORCHARD DUNGEON MESHI RESPONSE POST I GUESS

im just going through all the video points and making oppositions to them based on what i think, thats it.

laios useless in the red dragon fight: this is setting up the premise of the story where laios is spacing out because he cannot strategize on an empty stomach which is why the party loses.

there is no urgency to rescuing falin after everyone escapes the dungeon: thats to show that all the adventurers are so used to the dungeons immortality that theyve forgotten about the consequences of death (and also they are not thinking straight bc they are hungry)

dungeon meshi is not slice of life in the traditional low stakes way a slice of life set in the real world might be. the entire premise is about making a fantasy dungeon crawler and its heroes more grounded and showing things that aren't shown in video games, eating, sleeping, bathing, etc. a major theme is life and death, what is needed to sustain life and how death is a necessary part of it.

the tone of the show is not meant to be serious/silly/serious/silly, its not supposed to be wholesome, fun, and heartfelt, though it can be those things, its supposed to be weird and demystifying because its about real life (though a fantasy lense) and real life doesnt adhere to tone either.

resurrecting falin, having a bath and dinner, and then thistle coming to collect her happening in two episodes is not crazy thats almost an hour of runtime

MISGENDERING THISTLE

some of the problems with this video are just the anime format which i cant completely fault, i think the manga is better paced and the humor lands better ill probably ignore those points going forward. but i feel like if you dont watch anime very much you probably dont really know them the common genre tropes, like i certainly dont.

the reason marcille is "infinitely more popular than the rest" is a) lilys girl bias b) everyones girl bias and thats it, a lot of people like decently written generically good looking female characters. but thats not even true laios is probably equally as popular as marcille is and senshi is VERY close behind both of them.

laios is literally only generic in looks and if youre going to bring it up you might as well mention how marcille is therefore EXACTLY as generic as laios is, they are some very regular white people. in terms of looks.

laios only cares about monsters and is an asshole: this is an intentional mischaracterization the OTHER CHARACTERS IN THE STORY make about laios, which is a result of his real flaw which is struggling to connect with other people. this is a character flaw, which is intentional and something laios himself is aware of and tries to overcome, it is part of his character arc. laios is also heavily autistic coded, im not sure if ryoko kui is even aware of it or if she herself is autistic and just wrote a bit of her own struggles into laios's character but this reading is widely recognized by people who are autistic so. like its hard to argue with a mass of people who see their disability in a character. (me included)

comparing his deadpan affect to lloyd (i dont know him tbh)s intentional controlled one makes no sense bc i assume lloyd is yknow a super secret agent who IS a super secret agent because of his self control or whatever. laios is just a guy. literally just a dude, who is autistic.

marcille and laios react to falins resurrection differently because they are different characters, showing different ranges of emotion are part of their characterization. having a limited range of expressed emotion in serious situations where emotion is expected of you is also a commonly recognized autistic trait (see me not crying at the airport when my now husband had to go back to his side of the planet when we were dating)

falin is also autistic coded and shares a lot of traits with laios because its supposed to be funny that everyone thinks falin is so talented and brilliant and lovely when she yknow picks up a bug or something but they think its annoying when laios presents the same traits.

refer to point 10 again

they are literally moving through the dungeon as fast as they can. it gets brought up, laios feels guilty about it but hes not indulging in his special interest as opposed to rescuing his sister, the adventure is enabling it. whats he supposed to do brood the entire way? do you think anyone would be physically capable of doing that? see points 1-4 again if not.

just because a different character would do something different doesnt meant the story would be better, the point of THIS story is an exploration of THESE characters

this is retreading a point but "marcille is the only character who feels like a human being" .... girl the ableism - it can be argued that marcille is a bit ND herself but she is laios's neurotypical foil, the entire point of their dynamic is she is the normal person to compare him to, to act like shes the only character that matters because shes the only one thats normal has some nasty implications.

"you or i would-" thats making some assumptions

marcille is tormented the most by the show because the show is about exploring a dungeon, a major character trait of hers is her inexperience, shes squeamish shes young and naive because she has EXCLUSIVELY studied dungeons in books she has only seen the dungeon in person for like a year or two (i dont remember the time frame but we know how time works for marcille anyway). senshi by contrast has been surviving exclusively off the dungeons resources for like 60 years. you mention that marcille grows a lot by the end but its not just about eating food she learns survival skills, she learns ecology.

sorry i need to take a break to just rant, isnt this woman a writer? i feel like all she can only see characters through common media tropes and so dungeon meshi is just breaking her brain because all of these characters are written from a strong foundation they all have roots that inform all of their flaws. i feel like she isnt willing to see them that way because she assumes that because this is an anime the author didnt put any thought into the characters beyond their designs and gimmicks, thats just speculation obvs its just the impression im getting

but like i see the way people talk about kui on here how she feels like one of us because the dungeon meshi characters are her ocs. how theyre not just characters for a story. its like imagine someone talking this way about YOUR OCS, your babies, the characters you put your heart and soul into and especially for someone like kui who has created so much depth for her characters for someone [who also calls herself a writer] to brush it all off bc it got an anime adaptation and anime has tropes.

i really dont like people who approach media from "ive seen this before" and i mean im a little guilty of it but its kind of a useless thought isnt it, for the most part things get made because someone wanted to make it not because it needed to exist. i guess its a hard thing not to think when theres just SO MANY shows and stuff out there but idk, i dont think its a healthy perspective most of the time.

chilchucks a bitch you cant listen to what he says and be like "the narrative is bullying marcille" chilchuck is bullying marcille, chilchuck is a bully

(oh it seems the numbers have reset, oops)

shes talking about why anime sucks again, i havent seen spy x family and i dont care to it doesnt appeal to me

retreading points but i forgot which ones laios thinking falins dragon form is cool is another example of how laios's character essence is that he doesnt think like other people. and i have to imagine that if not for the mind control aspect falin wouldnt be horrified by her dragon form either. neither of them care about the "obvious" socially expected reaction of "horrified" theyre thinking about a) what they like to think about which tends to be ooh monsters are cool and then b) whatever is most practical at this moment - i think its not just lily that struggles with this i think its a lot of people who follow social scripts tend to follow what the main cast of dungeon meshi is thinking so theyre horrified/confused by whatever laios is doing but he just intuits what actually materially matters and what doesnt. him thinking falin getting to have a cool dragon form has NOTHING to do with his feelings about saving her.

"your experience with autism isnt universal" neither is yours???? isnt that kind of the thing about autism (this is from her comments not the video but thats kind of her point about this point in the video is that she doesnt relate to laios's autistic traits) - guys shes saying sheldon cooper gets called out on his shit and grows as a person but laios doesnt... guys i dont even know what i can specifically say to make someone stop believing that because i dont know why anyone could believe that in the first place.

i dont want to write this point bc i dont want anyone to think i dont have any concept of like pervasive preferential trends in media but i think she specifically hates laios because hes a white man with autistic traits. i think if laios was a woman those traits would be not as bad (which is kinda funny bc i was talking about that being a joke with falins autistic traits earlier)

laios is funny to me :) (in the manga mostly)

i think she shouldve read the manga instead of watching half the anime but i guess thats it. if you (anyone reading this) see this out in the wild please dont make assumptions about me based on this post, it doesnt really tell you anything about me or my wider opinions.

i guess you can assume im autistic i did say that part, go ahead and assume that i suppose.

i think i have some clarifications i was gonna make but i got tired so i cant remember where they go or what they are, this isnt really meant to be a discussion its just me writing down some thoughts indirectly bc i didnt want to comment on her video. but its in response to a video so its only fair i guess if anyone wants me to clarify i can try my best to do that

[jade-kyo]

RvB 20th rewatch: s3

And we’re at season 3. The point where I feel like the show really starts to find its identity!

I was trying to remember what the zealots were called and I accidentally called them faggots…

For me season 3 is really when the humor kicks into high gear

It really feels like this is when the characters identities found their footing and solidified

The O’Malley/Doc/Lopez/Vic/Wyoming evil team up is so brilliant, it cracks me up so much

“What was your code name?” “Nevada” Tex’s willingness to just fuck with people is great

This is also the season where Caboose became Sarges favorite blue

“So I guess if I’m not on the team and you’re not on the team then nobody’s on the god damn team! The team sucks” another heavily quoted line for me

I love that the guy named Wyoming has the most comical British accent

Tex calls Tucker her friend and I start frothing at the mouth

Allison name reveal from freaking Wyoming of all people

You know early on it really does seem like Grif wants to gain Sarges approval

The crackpot retcon time travel arc here makes more sense than the actual time travel arc in the shisno trilogy

Man Tucker really is the one who worries about Church the most

The domestic evil lifestyle with O’Malley, Doc, and Lopez is such a good bit

Ah yes grimmons parked in the shade for two hours…

Super strong Caboose introduction!!

“Well can we at least rule out the gay stuff?” Grif you’re the one who brought up gay me thinks you’re projecting

“I miss the old days when we didn’t risk our lives and you were all a bunch of nameless assholes I’d yell at with Church” THEY DONT KNOW THE HORRORS THAT ARE TO COME SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

THE SWORD!!!!!!!

I think it’s really interesting that Tucker doesn’t try to hype himself up about finding the sword- he just says it how it happened… idk I think it’s a good reflection of his character and what he’s actually like

Friendly reminder that Blood Gulch was an elaborate torture session to get the alpha to fragment more

CAPTAIN FLOWERS!!!!!

Since the time travel stuff with Church was a simulation does that mean Flowers actually had a heart attack or did the dude fr die from aspirin somehow unrelated to Church? Or was the time travel actually real and they were using Wyomings time distortion unit?? But like that was the only time travel that actually happened???

“Man first I kill myself then I realize I’m a honking dork” bro just like me fr

Requesting that Caboose speak at my funeral

“Mechanized… Americans” I cannot emphasize enough how much I love that line delivery it is one of my biggest vocal stims

Also a great example of how rvb has this sense of realness to its dialogue because people actually stutter and ramble on about a whole lot of nothing like that! It just makes the characters feel so relatable and real!

Church apologizing to Tex for getting her mixed up in everything and not being better for her and OH MY GOD THEY MAKE ME FERAL I AM ALSHAKBSKSHDKDH GOD HE HAS NO IDEA HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT THEYVE BEEN THROUGH!!!! HE DOESNT REMEMBER!!!!!!! YET HE STILL KNOWS SHE DESERVES BETTER AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Tex loves being part of the shenanigans omg she’s so silly. It’s what she deserves.

SHISNO!!!

Chex divorced but still in love vibes are immaculate man I love them so much

DONUT SCREAM LIKE A WOMAN

I love how O’Malley understands Lopez yet didn’t know he was being told to say stuff about his butt by Lopez

Donut discovers his bloodlust

I don’t really have a ton to say about the blood gulch seasons cause they’re the silly goofy seasons but I always enjoy rewatching them. They’re such a blast!

[gchoate17]

I watched 47 movies in 2024 – up from 25 last year, and the most since 2021. Here they are, ranked in order. It was fun to revisit some classics with my boys, who turned 7- and 3-years-old this year. Movies denoted with an asterisk I'd seen before.

Dune – Part Two

So ethereal and beautiful and Hans Zimmer is brilliant. My only complaint is that Josh Brolin doesn’t belong in this world.

2. Meth Storm

Brilliant story, well-told, unbiased. The level of access they have to these meth users is crazy. I can’t imagine what filming this must’ve been like.

3. Oppenheimer

Worthy of the hype.

4. Star Wars*

I don’t know how to rate a movie that helped shape my childhood, man. It holds up, though.

5. Society of the Snow

Fascinating story about surviving in the Andes Mountains. FWIW, I’d eat a person in a heartbeat in that situation, so maybe don't get on a plane to the Andes with me?

6. The Exception

I’m in a WWII phase right now. I’m also in a Lily James phase. And I like stories that allow for normal, well-meaning people in the role of villains (re: Nazis). This one checked all those boxes.

7. Fury

World War II Tank Squadron’s perspective on the war. A solid ensemble cast, fighting against all odds. Ridiculous at the end, but good nonetheless.

8. Nate Bargatze: Hello World

I’d watched a few dozen clips before I watched this comedy special, and it wasn’t until my wife said something that I realized how clean the whole thing was. That level of humor without cussing is an unbelievable accomplishment.

9. Aniara

Fascinating post-apocalyptic space movie at a mesmerizing pace.

10. Black Mass*

I forgot I’d seen this until I was already well into the movie. Depp makes a solid villain, especially now that all the court shenanigans have happened in his real life.

11. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids*

All of the adult actors are fantastic in this. And the whole thing is a solid backyard adventure. Holds up.

12. Robin Hood* (Animated Classic)

This is probably my favorite classic Disney animated cartoon. Holds up.

13. Trumbo

Educated me to the number of great works of Dalton Trumbo, who I mostly only knew as the writer of Johnny Got His Gun. Politicians are (mostly) evil and self-serving.

14. The Revenant

I love a good vengeance piece. Leo is solid.

15. Hit Man

Fun/cute/ridiculous, but funny/Adria Arjona factor/bonus points for being set at my alma mater.

16. Am I Okay?

Interesting story that feels real, delivered with a sharp enough wit to keep my attention.

17. Birdman

I like this in premise more than in execution. I like any premise where a person is (basically) playing a version of himself. Michael Keaton and Edward Norton were fantastic.

18. Zone of Interest

[SPOILER ALERT, I GUESS] The choice to set the whole thing right beside a concentration camp without ever showing the concentration camp was brilliant.

19. Anthropoid

We went from introduction to being a spy to handling a major operation really quickly. And maybe that’s accurate, but it made the pacing of the movie feel insane. I needed some more character development.

20. Yesterday

Interesting concept, executed pretty well in a rom-com sense. The best part was the conversation at the picnic table. Great soundtrack – obviously. Also, it’s worth noting that I’m probably going to like any movie with Lily James in it.

21. Baby Driver

This was fun.

22. The ‘Vous

I enjoyed getting to know what goes on behind the curtain of this historic restaurant. The footage in the restaurant itself was especially well done – dark, like a culinary coal mine. There were multiple storylines, though, that didn’t seem to all tie up together. For example, when I thought the film was ending, a new storyline got introduced. While the music didn't have a recognizable sound specific to Memphis, it did have plenty of soul and could stand on its own.

23. Skin

This felt authentic.

24. Martha

I will always see Martha Stewart as she was in the late-1990s. I’ve always had a soft spot for her – and I liked reading Joan Didion’s essay about her a few years ago – but according to this documentary, there is nothing soft about Martha. She’s ruthless, but I still have mad respect for her. But she might be mentally unstable? I dunno. The photography from her youth was stunning. As was she.

25. Unfrosted

Absolutely stacked with starpower. The subtle (and not so subtle) references to real-life situations – at least as far as I’m aware – are hilarious. But it’s also a little too over the top. And frankly, I can’t stand Amy Schumer.

26. Top Gun: Maverick

Hollywood ridiculousness, but also exactly what it set out to be – adrenaline rush, nostalgia from the first one, etc. I wish Kelly McGillis would have made an appearance. I understand why they couldn’t, but it would have been satisfying to see them try. She could’ve been the – “You’re still doing this pilot thing?” self-doubt-inducing person to run into Maverick.

27. Dave Chappell: The Dreamer

It’s weird to rank stand-up. Chappell is funny, but he is more brilliant than funny these days. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

28. American Fiction

Moderately entertaining social commentary on the publishing industry.

29. Tell Them You Love Me

People are insane.

30. Juliet, Naked

This role had to have actually been written for Ethan Hawke. And I like any movie that pokes a little fun at fanatics of any kind.

31. Welcome to Me

Quirky, cute, awkward.

32. Land of Bad

Hollywood ridiculousness. They’re no way they have dudes in the middle of an operation while everyone else is watching sports. Enough adrenaline/action to keep my attention, though.

33. Return of the Jedi*

I’ve always loved this movie, but upon rewatch, this one is kind of ridiculous because it’s resting on the laurels of the franchise.

34. Spaceman

Tonally, very cool. Adam Sandler in a dramatic role is always good. But the giant spider turned me off.

35. Cyrus

Watch the trailer and you see most of the funny parts.

36. Dream Scenario

Nicholas Cage is great, but his character pisses me off.

37. The Kill Team

The whole time I was watching this, I got angry at the hoards of Americans who probably agree with (and celebrate) the villain.

38. Out of the Furnace

Lots of likeable star power, a well-established rust-belt vibe, but the story was lacking. I don’t believe people living in such poverty would be circulating in the wide circles these characters do.

39. Woman of the Hour

Dude was scary, and the movie had some intense, icky scenes, but it kind of felt like the intensity and the ickiness were more important than the narrative.

40. The Informant

The protagonist as a character was fantastic, but I found the story itself suffered because of an unreliable narrator.

41. Promising Young Woman

SPOILER ALERT – I had high hopes for this one. It would have been better had she just started killing dudes at the beginning. I thought that’s what I was tuning in for.

42. Untold: Johnny Football

It was nice to get a decent look at the guy as a person. But it wasn’t the tell-all I was hoping for. I still have lots of questions.

43. Dr. Delirium & the Edgewood Experiments

This mostly just made me sad.

44. Sword in the Stone*

There’s really just not a lot here. I remembered liking this as a kid.

45. High Life

Solid performances, but this concept didn’t get there for me. The “reproductive” element of this movie felt gratuitous.

46. Saltburn

Whuuuut?

47. Carry-On

I got duped by Jason Bateman’s presence in the trailer. This is terrible and ridiculous.

48. Mr. Magoo (1997)

I understand the filmmakers were trying to stay true to the original character, but not even Leslie Nielson can turn Mr. Magoo into a live-action success.

See previous years’ lists here: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017.

[stokan]

EVERY FILM NOMINATED FOR A 2024 OSCAR RANKED

35. Elton John: Never Too Late - Not so much a movie as the bonus material for some other, perhaps hypothetical movie. Perfect viewing for someone who is a huge fan of Elton John, but also knows literally nothing about him and also isn’t particularly interested in learning.

34. The Six Triple Eight - The absolute worst part of this insane yearly project where I watch every single movie nominated for an Oscar, is that every year, for the last 8 years straight, there is a film that is nominated only because it has a Diane Warren song over the end credits. How good ARE these movies? Not very. How not vary? I’m glad you asked.

Movies Nominated for an Oscar Strictly Because of a Diane Warren Song Ranked (2018-2024):

1. RBG (2018)

2. Marshall (2017)

3. Flamin’ Hot (2023)

4. The Life Ahead (2020) (I have absolutely no memory of this movie so I’m putting it here)

(GAP)

5. The Six Triple Eight (2024)

6. Breakthru (2019)

(BIG GAP)

7. Four Good Days (2021)

(GAP THE SIZE OF THE GRAND CANYON)

8. Tell It Like A Woman (2022)

33. Gladiator II - This looks like shit, everyone in it is wildly miscast, and it has absolutely no reason to exist. But other than that its pretty ok I guess.

32. Alien: Romulus - Nearly two straight hours of asking yourself, what? and, who? And most of all, why?? Like watching a video feed of people you don’t care about walk thru an expensive, overly complicated, yet overly familiar haunted house. Can we please just let this franchise die already?

31. The Seed of the Sacred Fig - Did I see this movie? I logged it on letterboxd so I must have. But what happens in it? I really have no idea. I do recall about two and half hours in being roused from a stupor by the dad becoming an over the top cartoon villain out of nowhere and chasing his family with a gun. And I feel like I remember thinking that was exciting, if nonsensical. But other than that, I got nothing.

30. Nosferatu - This is like Robert Eggers thought he was making a series of cool looking paintings instead of a movie. It all LOOKS incredible, but to what end? Am I supposed to be scared? Am I supposed to be in suspense over a story I already know every beat of? Am I supposed to be emotionally invested in the characters? It is supposed to be saying something? Or am I just supposed to marvel at the incredible craft on display while feeling absolutely nothing? If so, well done!

29. Porcelain War - The porcelain stuff and the war stuff do not work together at all. B+ for effort, D- for execution which leaves us with a C, which feels right, if not a touch generous

28. The Wild Robot - As a massive Pixar fanboy, I’m the exact opposite of whatever a fanboy is when it comes to Dreamworks Animation. Their movies are everything Pixar’s are not: generic, anonymously made, simplistic, aimed squarely at tweens, devoid of wit or true humor, and corporate feeling. This is definitely no exception.

27. Sugarcane - Very important topic, very generic film. Great companion piece with Nickel Boys though.

26. Soundtrack to a Coup Etat - When you have to spend 20 minutes after a documentary finishes googling to figure out what the documentary you just watched was about, then I feel like that should mean your documentary is a failure. AND YET. Soundtrack to a Coup Etat does something undeniably new and interesting with the documentary form, which feels increasingly rare and hard to do. And if watching it often felt like trying to make sense of an article in an academic journal about a subject you’ve never studied, I guess I’d rather than that asking for things that are bland and overly dumbed down. So while for me personally, this wasn’t really successful as a movie, I certainly applaud its ambition (a phrase that really sums up the 2024 movie year) and hope it can lead to more experimentation with the documentary form.

(For a movie that, for me, very successfully experiments with form, look no further than the nominated short doc Incident, which, for my money, is easily the best documentary of the year regardless of length)

25. Maria - One of the best looking wikipedia entries I’ve ever watched .

24. Memoir of a Snail - A precious little jewel box of a film, if a bit too slight for me personally. But god bless everyone, like Adam Elliot, using animation as a medium to tell personal adult stories, rather than simply as a way to entertain kids. More movies like this please. 

23. Black Box Diaries - Very important story, but way too long and unfocused as a movie. The whole time I kept envisioning the hypothetical better version of this doc and how powerful it could have been. Shiori Ito is incredible though, a truly inspiring person, and someone well worth knowing about.

22. The Girl With The Needle - By far the most brutal movie from a year in which there was literally a movie called The Brutalist. Very well made - the cinematography should have been nominated, and Magnus von Horn is a director to watch - but man oh man was this a rough watch. The rare “they’re not actually going to go there, are they??” movie that does indeed actually go there.

21. I’m Still Here - If I had to describe this movie I would describe it as “a movie”. There are characters. Things happen. You learn something. It’s all done very competently. But it left absolutely no emotional or intellectual impact whatsoever, despite its important and very relevant subject matter. There’s nothing wrong with it, but nothing great about it either. It’s the perfect embodiment of, “yeah, it was pretty good I guess”

20. No Other Land - It’s a true bummer, but I feel like I’ve already seen this exact movie several other times in this in recent years: 20 Days in Mariupol, For Sama, Last Men in Aleppo, countless nominated doc shorts, and more. It’s verite footage from a conflict zone, presented without real narrative or narration, showing you the reality of living while under attack. It’s always moving, but rarely revelatory. Can this sort of thing actually make a difference? It’s the true power of film that I can’t imagine it's possible to walk away from this doc and not be totally outraged by what Israel is doing, and has been doing, in Gaza. This should be shown in schools. But also - same as it ever was. Both as a film and as a reality.

19. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - I had never seen any of these movies before, so bless this film for introducing me to a truly great modern IP-based franchise. It is possible! This is definitely the weakest of the four films, and it feels like without the force of Andy Serkis’ Caesar, the clear stakes of the first three entries, and Matt Reeves’ directorial vision, that we’ve likely hit the point of diminishing returns. But even though this felt a little aimless and inessential, the VFX and world building is still...out of this world, and it has just enough to say and explore thematically that I’m not NOT interested to see what they come up with next.

18. Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl - The most I laughed during any movie released in 2024. I don’t know if thats more an indictment of the year in comedy or a credit to the wit and visual gags of this movie, but either way, facts are facts. And a good bulk of that laughter and delight was due to Feathers McGraw, who continues to be one of the best movie villains of all time. As many times as Aardman wants to go back to that well, I am absolutely here for it.

17. The Substance - I don’t really respond movies that prioritize style over character and story, I don’t like horror, and I especially don’t like weird body stuff, so it's safe to say that this movie is securely in the Not For Me Hall of Fame. I get why people like it, I have no problem with them, it's got true style, Coralie Fargeat is clearly very talented, Margaret Qualley is a star, and I think its awesome that something this wild can get nominated for Best Picture. Great job everyone. Now just please never make me watch this movie ever again.

16. The Apprentice - Though not, by any means, the most well made movie of 2024, certainly the one that I have thought about the most since seeing it. Perhaps for obvious reasons, but that makes it even more infuriating that so many people have purposely avoiding seeing this movie to “protect themselves” or "can't handle any more Donald Trump" or “because they already know everything it is has to say”. Yes! Absolutely! Which is why you should see it! Leaving aside it has maybe 2 of the top 6 to 8 best performances of the year in it, the power of film as a medium is often to create a new more visceral way of understanding what we otherwise grasp only intellectually. And it lets us experience things that discomfort us from a distance so we can deeper explore those discomforts and investigate them further. Did this movie tell me any FACTS about Donald Trump I didn’t already know? Not really, although I feel sure for many people it likely would. But do I feel like I UNDERSTAND him, his actions, the way he views the world, and how he thinks, not more sympathetically, but definitely more deeply than ever before? Absolutely! And isn't better understanding the forces that control our world part of the whole reason art exists? So yes, trigger warning: Donald Trump. But now is not the time to look away; now is the time to look closer. Let Sebastian Stan be your guide.

15. September 5 - This movie is incredibly successful at telling the story it wants to tell. Every element of the movie is perfectly crafted and calibrated, no notes. It’s just that the story it is telling is so hyper specific that you leave the film feeling like you really learned about an interesting incident, but didn’t really ever think or feel. And nothing wrong with that! Movies can be many things, and it’s to this movie’s great credit that it doesn’t try to be more than what it is. It’s just that for me personally, what it is is perhaps just a bit too "well-crafted historical reenactment" for me to rank it any higher.

14. Inside Out 2 - Read my Wild Robot review above and reverse it. Whip smart and laugh out loud funny. Something for everyone, yet never pandering or lowest common denominator. Incredible specificity, yet totally universal. A script that has real human finger prints all over it. And I can tell you from plenty of first hand experience that inside Out 2 has helped both kids and adults talk about and understand their emotions. If I had experienced Maya Hawke as Anxiety at age 10 it truly might have changed my life. After a few rough years I’m very glad I don't have to get my #TeamPixar tattoo removed after all.

13. Conclave - 2024’s very best John Grisham film adaptation. Fun and frivolous and way better made than it has any right to be. Like a soufflé of a film, with less calories. And such a throw back to the 90s that Billy Crystal in a pope hat should get to host any part of the Oscars where Conclave is mentioned, it only feels right.

12. A Real Pain - So many adaptations of plays never justify their existence as movies, so it's rare to see a movie that doesn’t really fully justify why it wasn’t just a play. It's also unclear why everyone just decided Kieran Culkin was winning Best Supporting Actor in October and that’s never been challenged since. He’s great in the movie, it's just strange in such a great year for supporting actor performances. But ultimately I’m down for any rich, well-drawn, complicated character study/hang out movie. When Cord Jefferson used his Oscars speech last year to implore Hollywood to make ten $10 million movies rather than one $100 million movie this is exactly the kind of modest yet moving exploration of the human condition he was lamenting the loss of, so its great to see this movie not only get made, but succeed. My queen, Emma Stone, never misses.

11. Emilia Perez - Before the Karla Sofia Gascon Affair made all pre-existing opinions about this movie null and void I had noticed something interesting. Everyone in my life who was an actor was positive to enthusiastic about this film. Everyone who was not an actor was negative to disdainful about it. It got me thinking about why. And I think it's that the sheer levels of earnest, try hard, let's put on a show energy that this movie gives off is catnip for theater kids. I mean, an original musical? A trans empowerment narrative? Zoe Saldana dance numbers? Nuclear amounts of cringe? It's like theater kid Mad Libs. All of which is to say, that like so many of us who have ever been described as “too much”, I feel like I can more easily forgive this movie its huge and obvious flaws. Which is of course now all this movie is known for. When I watched Emilia Perez before it was released onto Netflix the only two things I was thinking the whole time were -  this is so insane that it’s actually kind of working on me, and also, I truly hope no one with access to the internet ever watches this film, or else the entire world wide web might be destroyed forever. Little did I know the ultimate twitter mob was coming from inside the house. 

So look, if you hate this film for any number of justifiable reasons, I totally get it. I honestly would probably start picking it apart on a rewatch. But also, unlike being a Mexican cartel leader, there’s no way to ever fully transition out of being a theater kid. And shit this wild is my/our drug.

10. Flow - By far the best silent animated Latvian cat drama I’ve ever seen. Proof that great art truly can be anything from anywhere.

9. The Brutalist - The first half of the movie is the best movie of the year and one of the best of the decade, and then the second half comes and, well…its not. If I was to lean into the architecture thing I could say that it crumbles under its own weight. It becomes somehow both too obtuse and too literal. The big incident in the second act made me almost literally groan out load. And Felicity Jones is woefully miscast. And in the end I don’t know what is actually effectively being communicated other than “look at me, Brady Corbet, and how good I am at making movies”. But also, wow is he good at making movies. At least this one. The craft on display is truly out of this world, and to do it on $10 million feels like a genuine magic trick. So if the coda to this film is whatever the opposite of sticking the landing is (tripping over your own feet?), well, at least the leaping into the air was truly majestic.

8. Wicked - Remember how I was just talking about theater kids…Do you know how well made your movie has to be for MUSICAL THEATER PEOPLE, the most critical, hard to please group of people on the planet to shower it with near universal praise? I honestly wouldn’t have thought it was possible before Wicked came out. Especially because the trailer looked like hot garbage. But damn if it didn’t work on me like a charm. The sets, the costumes, the performances, they way they stretched out the story without ever making it feel too long or bloated, the choreography - I mean what can I say, it won me, and more importantly MUSICAL THEATER PEOPLE, over completely. John M. Chu, I salute you for achieving the impossible.

7. A Different Man - Like that time Ryan Gosling wore a shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin wearing a shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling, only if the bit had gone on WAY longer. It's an MC Escher drawing hanging next to wall text by Charlie Kauffman. Did David Lynch have to die so that Aaron Shomberg could thrive? I guess we’ll find out!

6. Better Man - If you you’re asking yourself, can one of the best musical sequences in modern movie history take place in a movie where a guy no one in America had ever heard of is played by a CGI monkey, then you CLEARLY haven’t seen the “Rock DJ” sequence in Better Man. Does the rest of the movie’s cliched, predictable, and also often inaccurate narrative developments benefit greatly from the fact that this is one of the only movies of its kind where we don’t know the whole story and all the songs going in? Almost definitely. Is the fact no one had any interest in, or expectations for, this movie whatsoever a big part of why an evangelical cult, of which I am a part, is already forming around it? Absolutely! But movies like this are exactly why this project of seeing every Oscar nominee is always worthwhile. Because otherwise I would have never seen this movie, and now talking about this movie is my whole personality. But truly, seeing the “Rock DJ” performance on the big screen for the first time, having no idea what was coming, was like finding out that God is real. I’ll never ever forget it. (Oops, I just totally ruined the no expectations thing for you. Sorry!)

5. A Complete Unknown - Somehow both possibly the best straight ahead musical biopic of all time (go ahead, try and come up with one definitively better) and yet also only the 4th best Life of Bob Dylan movie. But still, mastering an entire type of film, even if it's a conventional and inherently cheesy one, is still really something special. And the performances elevate it a level even beyond that. Timmy is an absolute star and capital A actor, Monica Barbaro is a (incredibly attractive) revelation, and Edward Norton is Edward Fucking Norton. Plus with music this good, presented this well, it's just really tough to beat as far as this kind of movie is concerned. So yes, it feels a bit old fashioned, but also it's a movie where you think “they rarely make 'em like this anymore”, and thats because they never really did. 

4. Dune: Part Two - I have a truly wild complaint about this movie: too much happens. Dune: Part I was not only my second favorite film of 2021 but one of my favorite films of the decade so far. And what I liked best about it was the fact that for the first time in a very long time a movie transported me to somewhere that felt totally new and totally visceral. The sense of being immersed in world and just sort of hanging out there for three hours felt completely unique, immersive, and was some real “this is the power of movies!” shit. It looked and felt like nothing I’d ever experienced before. But now for the sequel, had I not only experienced the world before, but rather than feeling fresh and new it started to feel a bit like a typical movie. A focus on plot over world building. Action over atmosphere. Predictability over surprise. And, as with so many epic stories, a difficulty ending things. Now don’t get me wrong, this is still a GREAT movie and better than 99.9% of VFX heavy sci-fi tentpole movies. #VilleneuveForLife. But my expectations were through the roof and, for me, this film got stuck somewhere in the clutter of the attic.

3. Nickel Boys - In one of my day jobs I teach kids about movies and how they’re made, and one thing I feel like I always struggle with is trying to convey how amazing it must have been to experience things we now take for granted for the first time. Things like tracking shots, crane shots, deep focus, breaking the 180 degree line, the basic tools of film storytelling, its visual vocabulary, all had to be thought of and used for the first time by someone, and they likely rewired the brains of viewers when they saw these things for first time. Now Nickel Boys is of course not the first film to told using first-person perspective, but man if I didn’t think about the experience of seeing something totally new the whole time I was watching it. Because the movie looked, and felt, and WAS, unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It was something brand new, which when you see as many films as I do, is often enough by itself. But this wasn’t just a new form; it was form in service of function. Creating a totally new way to present the human experience generally, and black pain specifically. Literally a new way to view and and connect to it. Normally I talk about watching a film - this felt like living inside one. Nickel Boys is a total game changer, and to the future film teachers out there: if your kids want to know what it is was like to experience this movie for the first time: It rewired my brain. It was incredible.

2. Sing Sing - JUSTICE FOR CLARENCE MACLIN!! HOW AM I NOT GOING TO BE HEARING HIS OSCAR SPEECH THIS YEAR?!? IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST DESERVING EVER!!

JUSTICE FOR SING SING!!! IN 99 OUR OF 100 POSSIBLE UNIVERSES THIS IS THE 2024 BEST PICTURE WINNER. EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH THIS MOVIE SHOULD SUE THE A24 MARKETING AND AWARDS CAMPAIGN TEAMS. HOW DO YOU FUMBLE THE BAG THIS BADLY?? I’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IT!

I DON’T CARE THAT THIS IS DEFINITIVELY A LOWER CASE MOVIE, I’LL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT IT IN ALL CAPS. IT DESERVES THAT AND SO MUCH MORE. SEE THIS FILM. IT IS SO SO SPECIAL. YOU WILL LOVE IT OR YOU ARE NOT HUMAN. SING SING!!!!!

1. Anora - Anora is proof that many of the big recurring complaints about movies this year - too much to say, too muddled in tone, too many different movies happening in the same film, etc. - aren’t inherently flaws, they just have to be expertly navigated by a master. Sean Baker is that master. And this movie is a masterful ride. It balances so many plates while swerving around so wildly, yet always feels like the smoothest most enjoyable journey. And it turns the rest of the 2024 movie year on its head. “Important” doesn’t have to be solemn, “serious” can be a ton of fun, and a movie can be whatever it wants to be whenever it wants to be it. Everything Everywhere All At A Specific And Perfectly Calibrated Time. The best comedy, the best fight scene, the most suspense, the most intimate character study, the best hang-out film, the heaviest emotional devastation - it’s all here. It’s a movie for everyone, yet as hyper-specific as it gets. It’s a miracle.

SHORTS RANKED

Incident (Documentary)

I’m Ready, Warden (Documentary)

Wander to Wonder (Animated)

I’m Not A Robot (Live Action)

Yuck! (Animated)

A Lien (Live Action)

Instruments of a Beating Heart (Documentary)

The Man Who Could Not Remain Silent (Live Action)

Anuja (Live Action)

Magic Candies (Animated)

Beautiful Men (Animated)

In The Shadow of the Cyprus (Animated)

The Only Girl in the Orchestra (Documentary)

The Last Ranger (Live Action)

Death by Numbers (Documentary)