#I guess it is a galactic treat?

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

My chubs getting out of the shower

Me: *looks to make sure*

🍄 XL

Me: pretty much

[arianeemorythethird]

actually you know what, while I still stand firmly behind "the real villain of rex's tcw-era gothic horror story is rex with a control chip in his head" I think there's another option I'm ignoring here...

in classic gothic horror, of course, a hero has two main ways to resolve the problem of the monster:

✅defeat the monster

✅become the monster

and in canon, rex - being the overachiever that he is - gets to do both!

but gothic romance introduces a third, exciting option:

✅marry the monster

and I think rexwalker is definitely at its sexiest when it involves an anakin who is anywhere on the path from rots-era anguished doubt, to full-on commitment as darth vader, turning all his immense capacity for love and his ride-or-die, damn-the-consequences loyalty towards one ordinary (brave, determined, genuinely good) clone

[rayveewrites]

Drew a little Allay!Alice because they (in all their forms) are vibing in my head rent-free pretty much constantly.

Transparent version without glow effects under the cut:

[wileycap]

PALPATINE: My dear boy. The only thing that we are discussing right now is what you want.

ANAKIN: Hm. Okay, world peace for Padmé, a Best Jedi mug for Obi-Wan - no, that's not me being bitchy, he literally will not accept a bigger gift...

PALPATINE: Yes, you shall have it all. Just -

ANAKIN: Oh, I'm not done. A billion... no, you know what, a trillion credits for Ahsoka, rights for the clones plus backpay and overtime for the war, full rights to their own genetic code, a special vode-only tribune that will investigate Kaminoans and natborn officers for sentient rights violations...

PALPATINE:

ANAKIN: ... slavery is to be abolished across the galaxy, I and any vode who want to join me will be sanctioned by the Republic to hunt down slavers, starting with Tatooine, hair cream for Windu - okay, that one is me being bitchy - and, well, I guess I'd want a fleet of the absolute best ships for me. As a treat.

PALPATINE: I see. Are you done?

ANAKIN: I guess. How soon can you deliver?

PALPATINE: Well. As it stands... it might... take some time.

ANAKIN: That's cool. You can get all the legal stuff done tomorrow, just call in a special session of the Senate, but I get that commissioning a fleet will take some time. I didn't even give you a list of models or anything.

PALPATINE: ... yes. I can't help but to think that you're disregarding your wife's safety here.

ANAKIN: Oh, no. I'm being smart.

PALPATINE: You are?

ANAKIN: Yup. Padmé is a completely healthy woman. Her pregnancy is very low risk. So, if she's going to die in childbirth, it's got to have something to do with the war, right? If we end the war, there's no danger to Padmé.

PALPATINE: Have you forgotten what I told you about Darth Plagueis the Wise?

ANAKIN: No, but if I use Sith Magic to save her, she's probably going to turn into a zombie or something. Trust me, Chancellor, I've seen it before.

PALPATINE: I'm afraid to ask, but where have you seen zombies?

ANAKIN: Eh, you can check my mission reports. Anyways, if you just hand me your credit chit, I can get to buying Obi-Wan that mug, giving Ahsoka the trillion and all that.

PALPATINE: Well, I...

ANAKIN: And if you don't want to go through with this, I'm definitely going to murder you right now. You being a Sith Lord and all that.

PALPATINE: Oh.

ANAKIN: Yeah.

PALPATINE: Well, here's my credit chit.

ANAKIN: Thanks, Sheev! Just one more question. What are you getting out of this?

PALPATINE: ... I'm going to declare myself Emperor and bring about the age of the Sith.

ANAKIN: Okay, that's cool.

PALPATINE: It... is?

ANAKIN: Sure. I mean, you basically are an emperor already, and we have freedom of religion. Just make sure that your Empire is strictly democratic, or else Padmé's going to be mad at me.

PALPATINE: I... what? The purpose of an Empire is to do away with democracy! Cut away the rot of bureaucracy!

ANAKIN: Chancellor, do you remember the conversation we had just now about me murdering you?

PALPATINE: Yes, but you hate the Republic too!

ANAKIN: I know, but work stuff can't come between me and Padmé. One of the rules of a successful marriage. Anyways, get it done. I gotta go buy a mug and some hair cream.

-------------------------------

BREAKING NEWS!

PEACE! Supreme Chancellor / Emperor-Elect Sheev Palpatine has announced the immediate cessation of hostilities between the Republic and the CIS along with a slew of other groundbreaking proposals. The Supreme Chancellor stated that with the death of General Grievous...

The Coruscant Herald spoke with Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, also known as the Negotiator.

"I've got this mug." said Master Kenobi, before launching into a protracted rant about the state of our democracy.

"I got back from Utapau, and Anakin tells me that he 'kind of' turned to the Dark Side. How do you 'kind of' turn? But now we have galactic peace. But we also have an Emperor. Well, in three days we will have an Emperor. But the Emperor is going to have less power than the Supreme Chancellor has right now, and they're the same person. Not to mention that he's the Sith. My entire life has turned into a philosophical nightmare on whether the ends justify the means, and it's all being personified by this blasted mug." ...

Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo had a brief conversation with the Herald.

"Well, I think of it like a retirement present. A lifetime achievement award. He is an older man, and no doubt he'll abdicate in due time. This will be an interesting footnote in the history of the Republic." ...

Spokesbeing for the Shmi Skywalker Foundation, Anakin Skywalker spoke at length with our reporter.

"Well, we at the Shmi Skywalker Foundation offer only two things: freedom to slaves and death to slavers. And sometimes imprisonment to slavers, because Obi-Wan and Padmé were pretty adamant about that. And also financial aid, legal aid, housing, therapy, et cetera. For the freed people. So I guess we offer more than two things, but they're all good things."

"Sheev? Sheev is great. A nice old man. I think he's going to abdicate in, oh, three years or so? [Editor's Note: Transcript is garbled due to the Emperor-Elect coughing suddenly.] [...Yo]u need a glass of water, Sheev? Get him - yeah, one of you red guys, get him a glass of water. You're not a young man anymore, Sheev. Yeah, I think he'll abdicate within three years."

Emperor-Elect Sheev Palpatine declined to comment at this time.

[specialagentartemis]

Inspired by @clonerightsagenda’s thoughts about the Ambiguously Brown Spacefuture trope, I kinda want to see more creativity with how Earth is treated in spacefuture sci-fi.

There are plenty of examples where Earth is the center of everything. Star Trek is the obvious one: it’s a bustling interstellar multispecies space society, and Earth is where Starfleet is headquartered and it’s often reflexively and unthinkingly treated by the narrative like it’s the most important planet in the Federation. (Most of our main viewpoint characters are Human, so it’s the most important planet to THEM because it’s their home, but even beyond that, Earth is treated as critically key to the Federation in a way that, say, Betazed is not.)

More recently, the common trope is that the centers of society and culture and economy and politics are elsewhere. Other planets are important, and Earth is either an unimportant backwater that no one really cares about, or galactic humanity has nearly forgotten about it entirely. This is explicit in Becky Chambers’s Wayfarers, strongly implied in The Murderbot Diaries, and one line in Ancillary Justice suggests that too. Ofc this isn’t entirely new—from what I understand it’s what’s going on in Dune too.

And they do this for obvious reasons: the authors are all interested in social and political worldbuilding that is not tethered to real Earth nations, politics, prejudices, and general baggage. Second-world fantasy authors are allowed to do this with no strings attached, but sci-fi authors who want to do social worldbuilding from the ground up have to justify why people don’t appear to identify as Chinese or Latino or Hopi or American anymore (and more often than not, not Jewish or Catholic or Muslim or Hindu or Baha’i or whatever either), why those identities don’t come into conflict with the new planetary identities and spacefuture religions the author wants to write about. It’s been so long that the origin of humanity is forgotten or irrelevant.

Star Wars is honestly underappreciated for the bold, creative, unique choice to have a bustling interstellar multispecies space society with lot of humans… and no Earth. At all. Where do humans come from? Irrelevant. Not Earth though.

And honestly I wish more sci-fi that wants to write in this space took more of a cue form Star Wars to just own it. (I actually thought the Imperial Radch HAD done the same thing—functionally a second-world fantasy, but in a spacefaring setting—until Kat pointed out the reference to arguing over which planet was the real origin of humanity.) If you posit your space future as our future, but Earth is no longer relevant and is generally forgotten… I guess it depends on how far out it is, but it strains my credulity that no one remembers or cares! The Jews in the spacefuture don’t know/remember/care where Jerusalem is? Muslims in the spacefuture decided that going to Mecca just kinda isn’t worth it? The spacefuture Papal seat is no longer in Rome and the future Catholics don’t know or care that it was ever anywhere else? All the Hopis left the Three Mesas and all the Navajos left Dinétah and all the Māori left Aotearoa and then just… forgot about it? Really? That isn’t true after hundreds and even thousands of years today; why would it be true hundreds or even thousands of years in The Spacefuture?

There are some works that do a little more complexity with spacefuture planetary societies and cultures vs. memory of Earth—the Vorkosigan Saga positions Old Earth as a culturally important memory even if it’s not a politically important planet, and The Locked Tomb makes Earth a holy center place that is mythicized more than it’s known or inhabited, for magic necromancy reasons.

I’d like to see more of that, Earth holding some sort of unique place in spacefuture humans’ culture in a historically informed way, even if you actually want to write about other things. Or go the Star Wars route and proudly proclaim that this takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, don’t worry about it.

[dokidokitsuna]

Story Mode Boss: Galactic Envoy - Bandana Knight

One of my more unique gijinkas; I’m really proud of this one. ^^ I usually don’t pay much attention to Bandana Dee, which I guess brought forth a lot of fresh ideas.

So Bandee here isn’t the first boss of BLADE_Princess’ story, but he is the first of Kirby’s closer acquaintances to confront the villains…in a moment where Magolor is kind of expecting Kirby himself to show up, and is massively disappointed with the arrival of this “sidekick” instead.

What Bandee (or I guess BanKnight) reveals after he’s captured, however, is that Kirby is sort of…retired. No one has seen him for a long time, and most of his friends and Helpers have taken over his role as defenders of the universe. If Magolor expected to be confronted by the most prestigious and experienced hero the galaxy had to offer, technically BanKnight IS the best candidate at this point.

Unfortunately, he still doesn’t possess Kirby’s ‘Kirbyness’, and as such isn’t really a match for the mid-life crisis wizard and his crew of supervillains. ^^; And I have a feeling Magolor might feel insulted and frustrated enough to treat BanKnight very cruelly once he has him in his clutches…as the player, you can choose to have him brutally slaughter him OR keep him imprisoned until later in the story. ;)

[painsandconfusion]

Confident

(tw: kidnapping, ransom, zip ties, bag over head, death, murder mention, implied filmed whump)

[Drabble Masterpost]

“So, do I give you my Starby’s order now orrrr..?”

Even through the dark fabric of the bag, Whumpee could swear they saw Whumper’s eyes roll. To clarify - there’s nothing to see. This is a metaphor. 

Not a metaphor. 

Hm. 

What’s the word for that…?

Aaaaaa…...an exaggeration? Aaaaaaaa…tasteful lie? 

Maybe it’s a-

“No coffee-” Whumper snapped. 

Whumpee’s fingers splayed up in a surrender - they’d lift their hands and arms, but their wrists were kind ziptied to the chair. 

Didn’t even seem like a strong chair. Like if they tried reeeeeally hard to tip over, it might just snap apart and they could walk out of here. 

“I mean I can take a tea, then? Or a smoothie-? I really like the pink dri-”

“SHUT UP.”

Whumpee sighed, slumping back in their chair. “You’re no fun, you know that?”

They could feel eyes boring into them. 

“Why the fuck are you so cocky-? You’re about to fucking die on national television.”

Whumpee shrugged. “Not cocky.”

“Stupid, then.”

Whumpee lifted a finger. “Confident~” they corrected. 

Whumper snorted a scoff, footsteps tapping closer in a pa-tat-pa-tat-pa-tat- “Why would you have any reason to be confident??” Mocking. 

A little ‘ptew-’ whispered through the room, and a body dropped to the ground at Whumpee’s feet, thudding softly as it came to rest. 

Whumpee smirked under the bag. “Took you long enough, hot stuff~”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Caretaker’s voice echoed through the room, steps remarkably silent as they crossed to Whumpee’s chair - movement evidenced only by the proximity of their voice. “Sorry baby, traffic was killer on the east side.”

Whumpee shrugged. “Can we get Starbucks?”

“..and make me drive more through this shit?”

“I was just kidnapped and held for ransom, I deserve a treat.”

They could feel Caretaker roll their eyes as they snapped the zipties at Whumpee’s ankles - then wrists. Less metaphorical this time - more a highly educated guess and a deep knowledge settled into their soul. 

“Fineeee- but we’re going to the one by the park. Interstate is shit right now.”

“Works for me~”

Caretaker’s hands caught Whumpee’s as they reached up to pull off the bag - fingers circling their wrists and keeping them suspended halfway. 

Caretaker’s voice softened. “..I’m sorry this happened.” 

Whumpee shook their head a little. “It’s all okay now.”

Dark, kidnappy black bag fabric be damned - Caretaker kissed them through it anyway. 

[Drabble Masterpost]

(tags: @prisonerwhump @whumpawink @mabledonut @happy-little-sadist @paleassprince @distinctlywhumpthing @wibbly-wobbly-whump @batfacedliar-yetagain @suspicious-whumping-egg @wormwriting @villainsvictim @throwawaywhumper @wild-selenite-caffine @whumpasaurus101 @thecitythatdoesntsleep @whumpworld @pinkieglitterheart @whumpberry-cookie @rainbows-and-whumperflies @a-galactic-fox @shywhumpauthor @cyberneticwhump @bumpwhump @hold-back-on-the-comfort @veyroswin @whumping-seven-days-a-week @whumpingisfun @suffering-and-misery @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @yetanotheraltwhumpblog @whump-queen @a-whumped-tea @whumpsday @sonder35)

As always, lmk if you want to be added or removed from any tag lists!

[sunflowersandcherryblossoms]

Ask game: 10, 13, 22

10. ls there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Some have, and mostly because they were better accepted than what I expected.

The very first one I wrote (which actually was a continuation from an abandoned fic, whose original author I contacted for permission and credited, of course) was for Star Wars.

I wrote Hidden Fantasies back in 2016 (I was not in fandoms before that... Portugal was... An outlier in this, I guess. Not much attention to fandoms.) and I was actually expecting nothing. I just knew I had to write it a post it. And then I had a first comment and I just went like "Wait? People actually READ my stuff?"

Another one I wasn't expecting to have the acceptance it had was Talking Is Hard from the VLD/Klance fandom.

It's currently on second place Hits wise, after My Dream Has Your Eyes...

I had a comment that said that for them, that fanfic was their season 8 and I cried. I actually cried of happiness.

On the disappointed side I have pretty much all I wrote for the Legend Of The Galactic Heroes fandom. It might be because it's a small fandom, but some of those fics have 20 hits...

The Bleach fandom has always surprised me for the positive!

I had one that was kinda falling behind, but that's my fault because I tagged it wrong. It picked up after correcting that.

Still, I wrote an OC only story, Brothers By Death, that I was counting on getting nothing at all!

It has 48 hits which for what it is, I think it's really good! And I have comments there!

So, yeah... The Bleach fandom had been treating me really nice. I love writing my Byaichi stories.

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

Whenever some new idea crosses my mind, I always brainstorm with my older son and start developing some initial lore and worldbuilding with his help.

Depending on what the plot is, I'll go researching for the initial idea to come together in a manner that seems logical.

Afterwards I just get to write and I keep my son as a "soundboard" for how I'm developing my stories.

I will research stuff like maps of the locations. Things that happened in that place on the year I'm setting my story in. Names and their meanings. The language of the characters and places where the action occurs, etc...

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

Yes.

Most of the times I have a very definite idea of how the story is supposed to end.

Rarely I've made radical changes to it. Sometimes I change more easily middle parts, (In my Sunflowers And Cherry Blossoms series, Byakuya and Ichigo were supposed to re-encounter only after five years. I changed it to two years.) than the actual ending.

I might change the place where the ending takes place, but not the ending per se. (My Dream Has Your Eyes was supposed to end at the Kuchiki Manor, instead of their Karakura home, but the content of that chapter would have been the exact same.)

My To Other Shores fanfic already has the final scene written down, I just need to decided exactly how to get there... And I have twenty years of supposed plot points and slice of life stuff to write to get there. (Wish me luck!)

[blackkatmagic]

Intellectually, I know this whole Obi Wan missing, desperately need to cover for the sake of a galactic war, is very serious and dramatic. But at the same time, it’s just, ooh, y’all need me to pretend to be my childhood friend in a way that hopefully will fool everybody and their mother? And also maybe give Anakin a stroke wondering if he ACTUALLY has Obi Wan? Welp, ride or die, I guess. That is just an objectively hilarious premise.

Yeah, despite the angsty start, this fic is absolutely crack treated seriously, and the concept is pure crack, which will become a lot more obvious starting in the next few chapters.

Also, "ride or die" is Garen's immediate default setting. He was born willing to strap in and go for it, no matter what "it" is.

[edge-lorde]

more spop world building notes

i was talking with an irl friend about my brightmoon head canons and mentioned to them how odd it was that the boats in spop don't seem to sit in the water, as can be seen from this screenshot of sea worthy:

they also float in the air sometimes i guess.

example of them in the water:

my friend noted that the fins look like hydrofoils , something i hadn't known about. theyre basically fins that go on the bottom of a boat and, qutoe from the wiki--

"As a hydrofoil craft gains speed, the hydrofoils lift the boat's hull out of the water, decreasing drag and allowing greater speeds."

real hydrofoils look like this:

the resemblance is even better with hydrofoil boards.

real hydrofoils have structures that go under the water in order to give the boat/board the lift to be able to rise up like this

but what if the same effect could be achieved a different way?

we know that there's a stark difference in technology between the horde and the rest of etheria, but Horde navel vessels also appear to float just over the surface of the water despite looking much heavier than the other etherian ships we see.

we also know they have other floating land vehicles like the skiffs.

much of their other vehicle technology has a scorpion aesthetic, as it was adopted or stolen from scorpias former kingdom. examples:

we also know that first one's technology combined magic with regular technology, and entrapta seems to be the first person to have been able to reinvent this kind of tech during the events of the show.

We also know that the galactic horde doesn't use magic in its technology at all, as its a major plot point in season 5.

other people have made theories that i agree with, (but don't feel like trying to dig up their posts) that when hordak arrived on etheria, he did so at a time when anti-princess sentiment was already high and was adopted into an existing conflict because he brought with him stronger technology that could even the playing field with people with magical powers. he then would joined with the scorpion nation in this effort in some way-- whether it was mutually beneficial or not.

this is the image of the scorpion nation being taken over by the horde that light spinner showed micah as a child to convince him to help her grow her own magical abilities

it should be noted that light spinner/shadow weaver was at this time a powerful sorceress in illusory magics and is a villian well known for manipulating children in her care (adora, catra, micah). The scorpion kingdom take over could have happened like this or been more of a mutual endeavor and this is just what she chose to show micah because she knew it would compel him to action. Evidence could point either way. Scorpia is the only living scorpion person we ever see in the show, but she's also been treated well (has her own room with a picture of her parents with her on display and a closet full of dresses) and been given status beyond her abilities in the horde. she's supposed to be a force captain in season one, before even catra is made one, and yet when she is left in charge of a crew of soldiers its played for laughs, as if she's never had to do that before in a meaningful way. at least to me, speaks to there having been an alliance between the growing Horde and the scorpion kingdom at least at some point, and maybe a promise to take care of a young princess that was honored.

the textual evidence in support of hordak bringing advanced tech to an old conflict is scorpia mentioning before the prom that the other princesses didn't like her kingdom even before the war, the face that the horde cadets grew up being fed anti-princess propaganda despite the horde harboring a known princess in a position of authority, and the tech that the horde has. As i said before some of it has a scorpion motif like it came from the scorpion kingdom, but some of it does look like what we see of galactic horde tech, notably hordaks lasers and the green forcefield prison cells present in both hordes.

we also know that hordak himself is an engineer, having made many technologies presumably by himself-- such armor to hide and manage his medical condition, something he did not want other people to know about. So its my opinion that all of the tech we seen in the etherian horde is an amalgamation of scorpion tech, galactic horde tech adapted by hordak as well as new designs he invented. none of which use magic before entrapta joins the horde.

so what is my point? well, the other etherian kingdoms other than dryl dont seem to use any modern tech at all, at least at the structural level. like bow and his parents have a data pads they can call each other with, but much of the way people are living in etheria looks almost medieval. the princesses dont seem to have any ground vehicles at all for example.

and yet both sides have floating boats.

one could say the princesses boats are magical while the horde boats use some kind of magnets or some other floating technology we don't have.

OR

you know what they do both have?

FLOATING ROCKS

so all of this to say...

what if they put rocks in the boat and it make it go up instead of down????

[taskforcedistortion]

This is the official Taskforce Distortion account. Before anything, we will answer some questions for you.

//FINISHED ARCS: #Mew out of the bag. Please heed the content warnings about this arc before continuing.

What is Taskforce Distortion? Taskforce Distortion is a group focused on the protection of the Multiverse. It is ran under multiple divisions; the Rocket Division, the Aqua Division, the Magma Division, the Galactic Division, the Plasma Division, the Skull Division and the (new) Star Division. Our leader keeps their identity hidden for the safety of all involved, however we all run under guidelines set by them.

What is the purpose of each division? The Rocket Division monitors the activity of "Teams" both active and not. This division having access to top of the line security and surveillance systems to monitor such activity. Any unusual activity will be reported to the leader and a plan of dispatch will be acted upon with swiftness. The Aqua and Magma Division share responsibilities of monitoring irregular seismic activity in the current universe's planet, as to not let a catastrophic event similar to that of the Hoenn incident ever happen again. A smaller responsibility is to also monitor the health of the oceans and land to try and fight back pollution and habitat damage. The Galactic Division monitors the Distortion world, keeping an eye on the activity of the Giratina to make sure they do not cause havoc to any universes that reside in said plane of existence. The Plasma Division monitors known pokemon breeders and professional trainers to prevent illegal activity, be it pokemon abuse or inhumane training methods that don't necessarily fall under the league or law's definition of abuse. The Skull Division is our eyes on the ground, sent out to monitor areas of interest along with the Rocket Division. And finally the Star Division, which isn't a full division, as there is only one member, however it is one of the most important additions as it's lead member is a prodigy hacker, allowing us much farther reach than before.

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[incomingalbatross]

Trick or treat! (Stargate SG-1 edition, especially any fic ideas or headcanons)

Okay so I don't know if this will turn out as a headcanon, a fic idea, an outline, or something in-between BUT what it mostly is is an Excuse. :P So here goes

The first time Teal'c watches Star Wars, the team's been grounded for a week. Don't ask me why - maybe the Gate's shut down, maybe Jack and Sam have leave, maybe Daniel's been exposed to a strange space pathogen and is in isolation while they wait to see if it's deadly. Important thing is, they don't have missions and Teal'c (it's early days still) isn't allowed off-base.

Sam pokes her head in his room with a set of VHS tapes and says, "Hey, I brought some Earth culture you might be interested in!" Explains that Star Wars is a classic and even if he doesn't like them, it'll still be useful to know the references.

Teal'c, very bored and always willing to hang out with one of his comrades, agrees.

He likes Episode IV. There's good vs evil. They're fighting an evil space empire! He gets to see what kind of space combat the Tau'ri have made up for their stories.

He thinks it's kind of...charmingly idealistic? Like, there's an Evil Oppressive Space Empire but there's still enough freedom for Luke to have his ideals and Leia to have a government position (they HAVE a government?) and even Han gets to choose whether he wants to fight the Empire or just slip under its radar. It's a little hard for Teal'c to relate to, but he enjoys it. It seems very much like his friends' views of the world.

Obi-Wan reminds him of Bra'tac. :) Vader reminds him of Apophis. >:/ Teal'c sees something of his team in the main characters.

Episode V! Sam is Very Excited.

Vader is still alive? Teal'c is disappointed by what, honestly, seems like an incursion of reality. Why won't the evil galactic rulers ever ACTUALLY die when they look like they've died.

He's invested in all the action on Hoth, though. These heroes still read as very Tau'ri to him, with their emphasis on loyalty to their friends and their hope and all that. He wants them to succeed.

He does guess the Yoda reveal. A little too similar to the Nox. :P

Then it's back to Darth Vader on his evil spaceship and

Ah

Um

Darth Vader goes down on one knee and asks "What is thy bidding, my master?"

And they've taken plenty of pauses before while watching these movies, so Sam can answer questions about effects or plot conventions or other things lost in cultural translation, but this time when Teal'c says "Pause," he doesn't really have anything to ask. Just, "That...is the Emperor?"

Sam says, "Yeah," and they keep going. But suddenly the fun Tau'ri escapist fantasy is a little harder to watch, as Teal'c processes the fact that the villain of the piece to date isn't actually a System Lord.

Darth Vader is a First Prime.

Everything Vader does now leads to new questions Teal'c isn't sure the story even thinks it's raising. Like, does he want to be doing this? and Does he think he has a choice? and Why is he doing it? and How did he get to this position?

Teal'c watches Vader torture Han and tries not to think about his own past.

And then. AND THEN. You know what comes next.

(Turns out the movie did want him to be asking at least some of those questions about Vader.)

Turns out the evil Emperor's right hand is also a FATHER. He's the HERO'S father. But he also cuts off Luke's hand because the only option he'll apparently countenance is for Luke to join him in the darkness.

But he's a FATHER. He IS a person, not just a faceless villain. But does that make him better or worse?? If he's a person and he chooses to be part of the Empire, then all the questions Teal'c has about him have bad answers.

But also how is LUKE - the idealistic, hopeful shining figure of a Tau'ri hero - going to deal with his idolized father turning up on the Empire's side.

...Suffice to say, Teal'c is glad to see Han rescued and all at the start of Episode VI but he is REALLY REALLY waiting for expansion on the Vader plot.

Luke thinks there's still good in his father. Luke thinks he can SAVE him. Luke sees his father and he BELIEVES in him.

Listen. I believe in Teal'c's right to be a nerd, in general. I also believe that watching Vader say it's too late for him and Luke point-blank refuse to accept that is the MOST INVESTED Teal'c EVER is in experiencing any fictional story, ever.

And

LUKE IS RIGHT

VADER IS SAVED

Vader breaks free!! For his son!! Darth Vader hears his son's cries for help and is able to LISTEN and CHANGE and he is LOVED AND FORGIVEN AND ACCEPTED and he DIES FREE

The Emperor's enslaved right hand is REDEEMED and DIES FREE. That was the story all along

Anyway this is why Teal'c has watched Star Wars nine times. In conclusion.

[tempfolder]

Revisiting “Dune”

Following the release of “Dune 2” in theaters, and the echoes of the surrounding discourse, I started to wonder whether I missed something in my original readings of the Dune novel. The messianic aspects of the novel’s ending were described differently from what I remembered. I decided it’s time for a re-read with a focus on that theme. I came away with a better understanding of the novel, but a diminished view on the story of Dune.

A Questionable Ending

My previous understanding was that Paul managed through his use of prescience to avoid the galactic jihad in his name that he was so worried about throughout the book. The whole point of marrying the daughter of the Emperor was to allow transition of power without a full blown war. That was the elegant gambit, the narrow path he managed to take through the future possibilities of his visions. I was surprised when at the very end of the film, Paul, disappointed with the response of the Great Houses to his ascendancy, sends out his troops to conquer space, initiating the holy war.

I thought that mostly this was “Dune Messiah” leaking into the main story. To be clear, I don’t care for any of the Dune sequels. I never read them, nor do I intend to - the original novel was obviously written to be a complete work. I treat the extrapolations added to the Dune universe in the sequels as only marginally relevant to the reading of the original text. But was this plot point present in the “Dune” novel itself?

On re-reading, the book seems to match the interpretation of the film. This thread is central to the narrative yet it is resolved somewhat ambiguously, so I’m not surprised I missed it earlier. Before the climactic battle with Feyd Rautha, Paul muses:

And Paul saw how futile were any efforts of his to change any smallest bit of this. He had thought to oppose the jihad within himself, but the jihad would be. His legions would rage out from Arrakis even without him. They needed only the legend he already had become. He had shown them the way, given them mastery even over the Guild which must have the spice to exist. A sense of failure pervaded him [...] This is the climax, Paul thought. From here, the future will open, the clouds part onto a kind of glory. And if I die here, they’ll say I sacrificed myself that my spirit might lead them. And if I live, they’ll say nothing can oppose Muad’Dib.

Yet just after the battle, he says to Chani:

That woman over there will be my wife and you but a concubine because this is a political thing and we must weld peace out of this moment, enlist the Great Houses of the Landsraad.

I guess that last excerpt was a hope and the first was a prophecy.

However, this seems to leave us with a lesser book, a weaker story. What was the point if all the efforts were indeed futile? What do we learn if all the powers of Muad’dib don’t help him resolve his dilemma? 

A True Messiah

Dune has Paul coded throughout as more than just a Hero. All the narrative hallmarks are there. Paul is a young prince of an ethically noble family avenging his father through the use of his unique genetics. He is physically and mentally top-of-the-line. He has Special Powers: The Voice, Mentat capabilities, Prescience. He intuitively wears his stillsuit perfectly; he calls up the biggest maker with his thumper; he can process the poison of the Water of Life; et cetera, et cetera. The novel goes out of its way to mark Paul as truly special. He is not an impostor who survives by tricking the local superstitious populace into crowning him - he is an honest-to-god miracle prophet. If Arrakis had water, the novel would find a way for Paul to walk on it. Lisan al-Gaib!

Why have him aware, almost from the get-go, of his “terrible purpose” and still have him eventually fail? Why set up a Messiah but end up with failure?

Perhaps the intent was to contrast the Hero-led Fremen with the eco-aware Fremen? Their long-term terraforming project abandoned in favor of universal conquest? Liet’s father explicitly mentions this (“No more terrible disaster could befall your people than for them to fall into the hands of a Hero”). If that was the point, why have Paul promise to have flowing water on Arrakis with his ascendancy? That would mean the Fremen rightly chose the faster path to achieve the same terraforming result.

Perhaps the intent was to show the damage that can be done by messianic figures? Yet Paul is not a messianic figure, he is an actual messiah. There is rich critique to be made of the madness of the crowds in the face of a false prophet; much less so in the face of a true one.

Perhaps the idea was to show that even the most justified revenge path leads even the most noble to universal murder? Yet Paul is not Hamlet, he is not mad with revenge, nor does it cause him to make tragic mistakes. Revenge is just one of several motivators. Paul seems more aligned with Fremen liberation and the prevention of the jihad than with kanly (with Gurney serving as contrast in that aspect).

Had the ending suggested that the jihad was averted, with Paul successfully threading the political and military needle to ascend to the throne, it would have made a simpler, but better novel. Its payoff would have matched its set-up. It would have made Paul’s powers meaningful and his sacrifices worth it - his dead firstborn, his brush with death in the Water of Life, his Chani who remains forever a concubine. After all, if War isn’t averted, why bother with the political marriage? 

The Appeal

I want to make a digression and ask: why do we like Dune? 

After all, most of the characters aren’t particularly likable (*cough* Paul *cough*). The high-level arc isn’t particularly exciting, both in the optimistic reading (white savior leads oriental warriors to avenge father) and in the pessimistic one (white savior leads oriental warriors to break colonial yoke and unleash jihad). And there’s all that awful poetry.

So why so loved? I think, in large part, due to the apparent complexity of “Dune” (the novel). The complexity is there to provide the reader with a satisfying feeling of touching a rich world. It is a hill to climb, a challenge to overcome, gradually figuring out what’s going on, rewarded with understanding through effort.

The apparent complexity is present on multiple levels, beginning with the very liberal seasoning of the text with neologisms, with words and terms on loan from other languages. It’s there in the heavy dosage of intrigue, of feints within feints within feints. It’s there in the annotated dialogues where every half said or unsaid word conveys deep meaning to all-insightful participants. It’s in the half-familiar half-alien symbolism and mysticism of the Bene Gesserit and the Fremen.

Just as the text itself is intentionally complex, the world it describes is intentionally simplified. The universe of Dune is rich but small. Yes, it spans tens of thousands of years and thousands of planets, but it feels like the Holy Roman Empire. The mere suggestion that desert people can become conquerors of the galaxy just because they’re used to fighting for moisture is an indicator of how simple this universe is. Of course the Empire is feudal and archaic. Of course the skies of Arrakis are empty. Of course the shields force them to use knives. Of course there are no computers. The in-universe reasons aren’t important; there would simply be no novel otherwise. It also looks much cooler this way.

Which is also my larger point: a lot of Dune’s complexity is only apparent. It’s complexity for spectacle’s sake much more than it is necessary. Using the Hebrew “Kwisatz Haderach” is a lot cooler for the English reader than the literal “shortening of the way” that it stands for. A complex intrigue where you give Leto Arrakis just to betray him and give it back to the Harkonnens sounds cool, but always puzzles when you think about it too much. The best example of something that is visually striking but doesn’t weigh much upon scrutiny is the Gom Jabbar test.

A Bigger Gom Jabbar

Really, impressive scene. The box, the needle, the pain, the Voice. Iconic. Is it a profound test though? Big dilemma you gave Paul here, Reverend Mother, either suffer pain or die. Is this insightful? It wasn’t even a “hidden” test where the subject was supposed to reject the false binary option given to him by the Reverend Mother. No. Pain or Die. You decided not to die? Human after all!

If you squint a little, you can see a similarity between the showy complexity of the essentially hollow Gom Jabbar, and Paul’s meandering resistance against the tide of the jihad. Something that is superficially both complex and cool, but on deeper inspection doesn’t bear much weight as a story. If Paul’s dilemma was to either perish in the desert or to manifest as the messiah and suffer the moral pain of a billion deaths in the universal jihad – well, not a big dilemma is it? On closer reading of the novel it turns out there wasn’t even a “hidden” option that rejects this false binary.

Was there? The open question I ask myself is - was there something that Paul could have done to avoid the jihad? Was there a choice? Some pivotal point where it’s clear that Paul made a mistake? If there was, it sure is hidden well. If there wasn't, then Dune is a lesser story. It’s a lot of cool prose, but it’s a lesser story than I thought.

[fascinatedhelix]

I am probably overthinking things but here's a rant motivated by this post (or rather, some of its responses) (tw: some discussion of ACAB, nothing explicit):

Does ACAB apply to the Heroes?

In real life, cops are bastards because they exist to enforce an oppressive status quo, and are rewarded for their bastardry with functional immunity from the same laws they are supposed to uphold.

In Hero Factory... it's complicated. Yes, the corporation has the Heroes cooperate with local law enforcement in many cases (for example, Stormer's buddy buddy relationship with the cop in ep3), but it is a private corporation, and given the whole Galactic Conspiracy plotline in the late books before it all got cancelled, this doesn't seem to be a universal thing. Hero Factory exists, in-universe, to deal with the growing supervillain problem, which could be tangentially regarded as law enforcement, but only in cases where local enforcement is unable to handle it (like all the acid spitting weirdos). Hero Factory Incorporated gives the impression of a private emergency services company, rather than necessarily a law enforcement agency (at least in my opinion). They even have dispatchers like a 911 call center.

Also, the franchise likes to blur the lines between "person" and "thing." One of the most obvious examples I can think of is how the robots all refer to the techno-organic species in Savage Planet as "animals" and "wildlife," despite many of them being sapient and perfectly capable of speech. There's also how they treat their own: Daniella Capricorn literally refers to her camera bot as her "mindless slave," and nobody seems to bat an eye at that, and the Fire Lord and his crew became that way because of an ill-advised "upgrade" that was intended to increase their efficiency, presumably by the company that made them for mining.

The Heroes are considered "people," but also products. They are advertised to the public in showcases and commercials, they are maintained by the company that produced them, and when they wear out, they're sent off to live elsewhere to fulfill a similar role. I don't think they're really allowed to decide what they want to do with their lives, because most that do wind up becoming Villains, if Core Hunter and Von Nebula are any indication.

Presumably, this sort of universal dehumanization is why things like Furno zapping a prisoner in episode 1, Stormer dismantling their radio guy for insulting him in Hero Factory FM, and other instances of "police brutality" in the franchise isn't really treated seriously in-universe. They're robots, they can be repaired and replaced if need be, who cares if they get hurt?

Honestly, on a Doylist level, it's obviously just regular children's copaganda. You're not supposed to think too deeply about the implications about the metaphorical cops literally being owned by a private corporation, who engage in casual acts of excessive force and brutality for the sake of a laugh, and how just about everyone in the setting gets all kinds of roughed up on the regular because they're robots so it's fine.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I did mistake Surge for a girl when I first looked up HF on tumblr and saw the HRT post, so gender stuff with him is absolutely on the menu in my mind. But also, I'm not sure if he'd be allowed at Pride. I guess it depends on where you draw the line. I stayed up way too late rambling about robot philosophy.

[longing-for-a-perfect-world]

Pelipper (& wingull) mail!

[The pelipper drops off a light blue heart shaped container, inside is a charcuterie board! Some of the cheeses and crackers are shaped like cat paws and faces, the board is complete with salted caramel and assorted dark chocolate treats! Somehow, it's still cold. The wingull drops off a plastic baggy lined with the team galactic logo, inside are exp candies and pokemon treats, a note is attached "Happy palentines day boss! We aren't sure when this'll be delivered but hopefully it'd around palentines! -the Snowpoint City grunts!" The note itself is covered in stickers ranging from cute pokemon and eldritch horrors to giratina dressed like hatsune miku. The wingull chirps happily before leaving with the Pelipper]

//Was too cute not to respond as an in-person!!

The Galactic Leader let out a swift sigh, watching as the Pelipper emerged from his window. Again? When would Rotomblr stop sending him things? He emerged from his desk and walked toward the Pelipper. He held out his hand, allowing the heart-shaped box to be dropped into his palms. He examined the exterior before opening it, revealing all the little snacks inside the container.

"More food, of course," he mumbled to himself. "Admittedly it seems quite good. I suppose that's a plus..." Cyrus took notice to the cat-shaped items and couldn't help himself from letting out a very quiet chuckle. I guess that's one way to get him to eat something - make it cute.

He looked up to the Wingull dangling an object before his eyes. He carefully closed the lid of the box and set it down onto his desk. After taking hold of the bag, he noticed his Pokémon began to circle around him. His Weavile very impatiently scratched at Cyrus' legs, wanting the contents within the bag.

"In a minute, Mittens," he sighed. He peered through the bag and shook his head. "Ah. That's why." Cyrus opened it and took the note out from within the plastic bag. With his other hand he held up the bag high into the air to prevent his Pokémon from reaching it. After taking a second to appreciate the stickers surrounding it, he began reading the note aloud to himself.

"'Happy Palentine's Day, Boss. We are not sure when this will be delivered, but hopefully it is around Palentine's... From...the Snowpoint City Grunts...'" Cyrus' eyes widened, staring dumbfounded at the note. This was an abnormally nice gesture. One that was from his own men. He felt himself smile. Not much, but it was a smile nonetheless. His grunts truly cared for him this much, didn't they?

His thoughts were quickly interrupted by the obnoxious barking of his Houndoom. Right, he was holding a bag of Pokémon treats that he was not sharing with his impatient Pokémon. Cyrus put the note down onto the table, got down onto his knees, and fed each of his Pokémon two treats each.

(Later, Cyrus took a thumbtack and pinned the note onto his wall. It hangs there proudly in the office for him to go back and read whenever.)

[bunchacrunchcake]

Why does sexuality have to suck so much.

There's so much morality and gender roles tied around it. And this weird element of game theory.

Men are expected to ask women out. Women are expected to give signals to men. Women do this because Men can be really scary. Men follow women home. They say sexual things to women that have already said they're married. This is the tamer side of how horrible and scary men can be. Also, because men have to ask women out, they are constantly doing it, and it really makes women want to engage with that even less. However on the flip side, women are human and still do want romantic partners. So if someone they're interested in is flirting with them in a way they like, it's a good thing.

It's this interaction that sucks. It's so confusing. You can almost never know if your advances are wanted or not. For every time where you're 100% sure the other person is flirting, there's like 10 similar times where they're not. And vice versa. There are so many times where you leave a situation and you're like oh my god they were giving the biggest signals!

This is why, as a kink friendly person I really prefer direct communication. No it's NOT romantic. It can be, but it takes some finesse to make direct communication flirty. And it's only as awkward as you make it. "Hi, I think you are attractive. I would like to go on a date if you're free." "Yes/no."

But it never actually works like that. The worst part is the look on someones face like "Oh my god gross is this person asking me out right now." And then the humiliation when they say no. There are so so many times where it can be cordial and you say oh well no problem it was nice meeting you! I hope the rest of your day is great. And then you leave. And it's not a big deal. But you can literally talk to two people in almost the same way and one will be flattered but not interested. And another will be horrified, disgusted, and or embarrassed.

Do I like asking people out? No it's a chore. It's embarrassing and people are embarrassed for you when they watch you do it. It also makes things super awkward. Like if you're convinced someone you know or interact with is interested in you and you ask them out, and they rebuke you, chances are, even if you don't feel awkward about it, they do, and it's "ruined things." Your workplace will be awkward. Or you can't go back to that store. Or whatever. Even if the interaction was legitimately "Hey are you flirting with me by any chance?" "No I am not." "Oh okay, no sweat, I couldn't tell."

I'm reasonably attractive and no one asks me out. It has literally happened to me two times. I remember them. I'm not feeling entitled to a galactic shift in social norms. It's just how things are.

And yes we can all get on dating apps. If I want to pay $20/month per app for enough swipes to get a few dates on a piece of software that is explicitly designed to addict me and lower my self esteem, sure. I can do that.

It just sucks. I don't know what else to say.

It sucks that we can't live in a world where if someone thinks you're cute there's a non invasive way to do it, that is explicit so both people are like yep/nope that happened, and that the aftermath of that really simple interaction isn't HOLY FUCK I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THIS.

It's fine if you don't want to date people you aren't attracted to! It's fine if you need to set boundaries with people who are being gross, scary, stalkery!

But like ugh. Hot men can honestly be really gross to women sometimes and it's welcomed. And non attractive men (to that woman) can be really normal and neutral and it's "gross and embarrassing".

I guess as an AMAB person, we should really work hard to unlearn a lot of toxic masculinity, teach consent, and learn how to be respectful and polite when engaging with people romantically. But like, it goes two directions. Please don't treat us like we're disgusting. Or at least start asking us out so we don't have to do all the heavy lifting. I'm really freaking tired of trying to figure out whether someone is giving out enough romantic signals that I should then go for the coin flip of asking them out that might result in them hating me forever.

I don't even know. Do I expect all 8 billion people on Earth to magically emotionally mature over night? No. I just want to rant about this so I can move on with my life and stop judging myself for other people's negative reactions to me when I'm doing my best to be a good person.