#I guess it helped Ash get 'closure' at least

[amuhav]

     “You’re not... Not gonna...”      “What? Go? Just leave?” Asher chuckled weakly. “Please tell me that’s not what you thought?”      “N-no? I don’t know...” Loch drew his arms in tighter as a light spring breeze made him shiver. “It’s... I’m never going to be enough.”      Asher scowled. “Says who? I never... I’ve never said that, Loch, ever.”      “If I can’t give you what you want... it’s just a fact.”      “What? No, Loch, I... fucking hell. No.”       As Asher ran his hands through his hair, Loch watched in confusion as multiple expressions flickered over his face until he sighed and took Loch’s hands with a reassuring squeeze.      “I don’t know how you don’t get this already, but... If a chance at something I would like, meant giving up something I can’t lose... I don’t know which universe you think I don’t choose you. Every damn time. I love you far too much for that not to be true.”      Some dam inside him broke, though Loch didn’t feel the tears coming before it was too late and Asher was already pulling him into a tight embrace.      “Hey, I’m sorry if I ever let you think otherwise—”      “You’re so stupid,” Loch spluttered, unable to stop himself. Whatever adrenaline had kept him from breaking down, had also apparently been the thing tethering him to something resembling sobriety, and he felt any filter he possessed slipping away.      Asher locked up around him, his arms going stiff. “...Uh...?”      “I’m just me. A... A fucking mess. You say that like I’m not... Like... There’s just no other explanation. You’re just stupid.”      Asher laughed, no small amount of tension falling away from him as he did. “Yeah. Yeah, guess I am. But so are you.” He laughed harder. “And so very, very drunk. Your brother really is going to regret that free bar, isn’t he?”      “Serves him right,” Loch muttered with little malice, scrubbing his face as he allowed Asher to lead him back inside. “...One more drink?”      “Absolutely fucking not.”

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[winterdeepelegy]

A Favor Owed

Ciel had been tending the flowers in her yard when Glace arrived unannounced. There was no hello, no mention of her name to get her attention, but an eventual clearing of his throat to serve the same purpose. She lifted her head and tipped up the brim of the woven hat she wore to see who it was, only to scoff at such a greeting. "Really? Well, hello to you too. Let me guess, you need my help for another job?" "Well yes... and no," he answered. She hadn't seen him in months and by now the trail of Artoire Boniface had gone cold. Glace had other matters in mind which were more important in the moment. "Actually... it's a bit of a personal matter, and kind of a big ask." Taking a breath, Ciel dropped her trowel onto the ground and brushed bits of grass off of her knees as she stood. She was sure she'd more than paid off her debt by now, but what was one more favor? "Alright, I'm listening," she confirmed in an even tone, neither elated nor annoyed, at least not until she knew what this request consisted of. Glace lowered his head but hesitated. He wasn't sure how best to ask for what he needed, but after another beat he got on with it. "Listen, Plum... you know a bit about me an' mine already. Things didn't exactly go as planned with bringing them home and... well, more than a few of my Siblings died." At that, she removed her hat and held it in front of her chest in a solemn gesture for his grief. She waited quietly for the rest of his request. "You may not know but I've seen you on more than one battlefield. In the aftermath, when all the fighting's done, when the ground's still smouldering under your feet. I've seen you walk through like it's... a meadow or something... a field of flowers. And you whisper and you sing and play your harp, all the while pluckin' motes out of thin air where people died." Her eyes shifted away in search of anything that might keep her from meeting his eyes. He wasn't wrong, but realizing she had had an audience at all suddenly made the breath stop in her throat. "And then... you smiled in that way you do when you're about to part ways with an ol' friend or loved one, like you'll see them again just a few moons later. In the next moment, those motes blinked out one by one. You set them free." He paused to watch her, noting her uncertainty. "I don't doubt what my own eyes saw, but that's all I'm asking for. Well, that's part one... the place where they died, I don't want them to linger. They've suffered enough." Only now did Ciel lift her green eyes to him again, but there was no change in her expression. "The second part is, we recovered what flesh remains we could and they've since been cremated," he went on. "I was hoping you might be able to do some funerary rite for them, too, an' scatter the ashes. Mere formality, but some of the survivors might benefit from the closure." The songstress closed her eyes and softly shook her head. "Funerary rites are a specialty of Arrzaneth Ossuary. Alas, I'm no priestess of Thal." "I can't go to them and you know it," he huffed, "I've done my damnest to keep the others safe by not exposing the location of our new home. I don't trust those Ul'dahn blokes, not to mention the exorbitant prices they ask for services like that. Please, Plum, I'll do anything you ask of me if you'll do this." He wasn't wrong about this, either, and she knew quite well what their fees typically ranged. "Glace, I'm but a humble devout of Oschon. Although formal funerary rites aren't normally my forte, I am called by Him to grant comfort to they that wander." She dipped her head once in a nod of agreement, "Very well. I will do what you're asking, but I can't in good consciousness ask aught in return." The Duskwight stood there in stunned silence for a few breaths before finally stammering, "Are you sure?" "Aye. I'll not deny anyone peace at a price that benefits only myself. But tell me where I need to go and it shall be done."

[perfectly-imperfect82]

Suprise trip- Alex

(Y/N) POV

I had landed in Orlando this afternoon. I had decided to use my  free weekend to make a surprise trip to visit my girlfriend.

However she was busy tonight, so I decided that I would hang out with Ash and Ali tonight and surprise her in the morning.

I heard Ali gasp causing me to turn her way as we walked into the restaurant.

"Babe, whats wrong?" Ash asked looking at her wife with concern

I followed her gaze and I felt my heart stop. Alex was here with Servando.  From the way she was smiling and holding his hand over the table, I could tell this wasn't just friends meeting up for lunch.

"(Y/n)" Ali said looking at me to read my reaction, which broke from Alex and looking back at them with a lost expression

"I'll handle this" Ash said angrily as she went to head to Alex

"Wait!" I said grabbing her arm and stopping her

"Are you sure?" Ali asked

"Yeah, I have to do it. I'll be back" I said as they nodded as looked at me with sympathy

I took a deep breath before placing a fake friendly smile on my face before heading over to the table.

As I got closer I saw Alex's eyes widen as she moved her hand and just stared at me

"Alex and Servando, it's nice to see you guys" I said keeping the smile on my face as I hide how I really felt

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Servando asked with genuine curiosity. I mean how could he know the person he is on a date with is in a relationship if we were keeping it from the public, I guess I see why now I though bitterly.

"Had a free weekend, decided to come see some people and taken in the beach" I said as I glanced at Alex who was now avoiding eye contact

"Well I should get back to Ash and Ali. I wouldn't want to intruded any more on your date" I said with a smile as took more look at Alex who was looked like she was in distress at the situation before I quickly turned and walked away and out the place as I felt tears come to my eyes as I pulled my phone to text Alex.

Alex: in case it wasn't obvious, we're done

I felt a hand placed on my shoulder as I looked up to see Ali and Ash giving me looks of sympathy as Ali wiped my tears.

"I think tonight sounds like wine, ice cream, and movie night" she said as they lead me back to their place.

I couldn't be more grateful to have them with me at the moment.

——————————————————————-

It's been a few weeks since my trip to Orlando. Now we are meeting up for a national camp and it's going to be the first time I've seen since. She had texted me and called for the first week, but stop after I stopped responding. I haven't told anyone what happen, as far as anyone knows we just broke up. It was hard to convince Ali and Ash to keep what happen quiet, but I did. My club teammates in Portland have been supportive and have helped me get through everything, even with me not telling what happened. Just telling them that Alex and I broke up

We arrived at the hotel and to say I want nervous would be a lie. I know everyone is going to be asking questions and she will want to talk.

I was able to put away my things in my room I was sharing with Morgan before heading down conference to join the team.

As soon as Ali and Ash saw me they instantly brought me into hug

"I've missed you guys" I said releasing them before Ash dragged me to a seat next to her.

"So gonna tell us why you guys broke up. You both are upset by whatever it was" Kelley asked looking at me as I gave her a look of shock as Ali, Ash, and my Portland teammates glared at her

"She didn't say anything to you?" I Asked, thinking she would have at least told her best friend

"No and I would like to know why my best friend is upset" Kelley said now glaring at me while I just rolled my eyes

"Because we broke up, that's why. Now everyone needs to drop it and stop asking questions. What happened is between us, no one else's business." I said looking at them and I heard Ash mumble under breath "Your to nice to her" and Kelley glared at her and Ash glared back.

"Seriously you guys" I said just wanting to move past everything

"Okay, we will listen" Lindsey said answering for everyone as she wrapped an arm around me and gave her a thankful look. She has really been their for me since I've returned from Orlando.

That's when I heard the door open and everyone looked over and it was her. It was Alex.

As soon as our eyes made contact, I quickly turned away and I feel Lindsey give my shoulder a squeeze for a support.

What I was not expecting was for to come and stand right in front of me, making me feel uneasy.

"Can we please talk?" Alex said awkwardly standing in front of me, a look you do not see on her often

"No" Ash answered with glare as she wrapped an arm around me protectively causing several of our teammates to look at Ash in shock at the hostility coming from Ali and Ash as they both glared at Alex.

"Sure, might as well get this conversation over with" I said surprising everyone, including myself.

"Are you sure?" Ali asked and I gave her a small smile with a nod "I'll be okay" I said as I walked away with Alex. I needed closure so I could completely move on.

We headed to her hotel room, the walked was quite and tense.

I followed her into her room

"What do you want to talk about Alex?" I said with blank face as I lend against wall as she took a seat on the bed

I watched as she ran her hand through her hair before looking up at me with tears in her eyes

"I'm so sorry" she cried and it took everything in me to hold myself together. I was finally getting back to self, I don't need to go back to being the mess I was the first two weeks.

"Your sorry you got caught, not that you did it" I said with a straight face which seem to catch her off guard

"For how long? How long were you dating the both of us?" I asked as my voice wavered some, fearing the answer. Especially when she looked hesitant to answer

"4 months" she said and I just nodded my head as I turned to leave, how could I have not know for that long? How could she hurt me for that long?

"Please, it was a mistake. I don't love him, I love you!" She cried out causing to turn around as tears filled my eyes

"Want to know what my biggest mistake was? My biggest mistake wasn't falling in love with you.It was thinking you had fallen for me to"

"I am in love with you!" Alex said with a distress face as she moved towards me and I held up my hand to stop her

"You love me, like you love the rest of our friends. What you did, is not something you do to someone you are in love with. Some one you want to marry, have kids with, a future with" with said with a defeated face as a few tears fell. I quickly wiped them as I walked out of the room with Alex not stopping you this time.

[skullsandwineglasses]

I’m caught up to episode 39 of Immortal Samsara, and I’m waiting for the new episode on Monday, but I can’t seem to get the drama out of my head. I can’t bring myself to be productive and focus on anything else. 

I don’t want to start a new drama to distract me from it. And I’m trying hard to avoid spoilers, although the MVs on bilibili have all worked in spoilers into their videos, so I do know what’s coming and what to expect. 

It’s just weird how much I am fixated on Immortal Samsara because xianxias shouldn’t affect me anymore since I’ve already watched so many of them and have seen all the tropes, and Immortal Samsara isn’t even that great of a xianxia. 

I’ve also watched the BTS to help me detach myself from the story by looking behind the curtain. And so in theory, I shouldn’t be so absorbed and immersed into the storyworld. Usually watching the BTS helps me break the illusion. But this time, it hasn’t. (Sidenote: I thought Cheng Yi was especially chaotic on the set of Love and Redemption, but it turns out that this man is just extremely chaotic and unhinged off-screen in general, especially when he’s with people he’s comfortable with, like Yang Zi. He’s yelling and jumping and dancing and singing and screaming and mocking. He’s just so loud lol. I’m amazed at how anything was filmed at all when he’s so goofy and doesn’t take anything seriously, and yet he’s the poster child for whump and tragic suffering. I want to see how he flips the switch between being the class clown to the tragic, heavenly hero. And then in interviews, he’s the complete opposite where he’s shy and anxious and flustered.)

But I think the problem is that we’re at episode 39 already, and the leads haven’t gotten together yet. Like at all. The angst has only just begun. Usually, the leads would have already had some kind of mutual declaration of love and have gotten together at this point, even if briefly before being separated by a misunderstanding. When couples get together in dramas, it gives me peace of mind. I feel that I’m able to detach myself from dramas when this happens, sometimes even losing interest afterwards if the affirmed relationship drags on for too long.   

But in Immortal Samsara, this hasn’t happened yet. Yan Dan and Ying Yuan/Tang Zhou have never had a true moment yet where they were able to be happily together with their feelings out in the open. It was only in that short dream sequence in the ash forest, but that doesn’t count since it wasn’t their real selves, but their idealized dream selves. 

And so I’m just sitting here, rocking in a fetal position, waiting for the next episode to come out because I need them to face their feelings, accept each other, and be together, even if only temporarily, so that I can have some closure. I know I said that I’m proud of Yan Dan for finally maturing, moving on, and wanting to live for herself, but after re-watching some of their scenes in the earlier episodes, I do miss seeing them together. 

The last drama I watched was A Dream of Splendor, and the leads got together pretty early on, and even when they had a misunderstanding afterwards, at least they were able to be together for a moment, and so the first chapter of their story was able to get some closure. But I guess you can argue that non-fantasy dramas allow characters to romantically get together more quickly

But even in Love and Redemption, probably the angstiest xianxia there is, had a period where Sifeng and Xuanji were able to be happily in love and officially together before hell broke loose. 

But it’s been 900 years. 39 episodes. Yan Dan still hasn’t gotten a confession or explanation directly from Ying Yuan himself. She still has a festering open wound that was never able to close. Tang Zhou’s confession doesn’t count because his worldview and responsibilities are much simpler than Ying Yuan’s, so it’s easy for Tang Zhou to confess, make promises, and give everything up, because he doesn’t have much to give up in the first place in comparison to Ying Yuan. 

Usually the plot structure of xianxias goes like this: ambiguous feelings -> get together -> misunderstanding and angst -> resolve angst -> second conflict -> get together

But the plot structure of Immortal Samsara so far has been: ambiguous feelings -> misunderstanding and angst -> ambiguous feelings (but more lighthearted and fun) -> more misunderstanding and angst (i.e., where we are currently). 

Angst! Has! Never! Been! Resolved!

They! Have! Never! Even! Had! A! Chance! To! Get! Together! Before! Yan Dan! Regained! Her! Memories!

I’m spending way too much time and mental energy on this drama tbh, while others are spending their time and mental energy on more worthwhile dramas like LBFD and LLTG. I really do question my taste in dramas, but the heart wants what the heart wants. 

On reddit, someone said that Immortal Samsara is not worth hating but also not worth watching, and while I see their point, I can’t help but want to defend the drama because it’s not that bad. 

Like yes, sure, it’s not original, but when have xianxias ever been known for their originality? 

I saw a video on bilibili that was like, what kind of bullshit love is worth remembering for 900 years? And I burst out laughing because, true, the premise is ridiculous, but the idea of enduring love is pretty much the point of xianxia? It’s like a fairy tale. Insta love isn’t supposed to make sense. I’m still very much a trash teenager at heart. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my Saturday night rant as I try to purge my feelings. 

[doped-on-galaxies]

I'll never understand how Advanceshippers swear by how their ship is superior to Contestshipping.

Not even throwing shade, (okay maybe a little) but seriously! I get that Drew was a dick in the beginning, but let's face it he was never the bad guy or the ladies man that people made him out to be.

Being loved by women and being a ladies man are two different things. Let's get that straight. He enjoyed his status as a coordinator because he was the shit and he knew it. It wasn't because it got him closer to women. He enjoyed watching his Pokemon shine, and of course- like anyone in his position, he enjoyed being the center of the spotlight as well. Just like Dawn, Harley, May, Solidad, Serena, hell even Ash. It was in his blood to become a coordinator, so guess what?? He did it and was damn good at it. Anyone in his position would have fans. Not to mention Drew obviously showed he was uncomfortable being surrounded by mobs of female fans. It was different if someone came up to him respectfully, but I dont see him thoroughly enjoying having other people obsessively getting in his personal space. Drew is a loner. He doesn't make friends with just anyone.

Next! The thought of him being a bad person for May. Drew is a WONDERFUL person for May. This is non-negotiable. Don't @ me.

Let's start from That's Flower Power.

Yes Drew was very harsh at the beginning, (key word: BEGINNING) and he was snarky and could've been a lil bit nicer, but he wasn't a bad person. He saw May needed help on something, and then immediately took action (attacking Team Rockert and getting their Bluk berries back.) The only reason he was hard on her was because he sees this beginner with potential who doesn't have the exact hang of it yet, so he strives to push her harder. I believe he was snarky to the gang as well due to him noticing her friends are enabling her to accept minor effort. Kinda like how a mom would treat a baby for taking their first bite. Congratulations! You'll get there! That's the thing though, May wasn't a baby. She was a young teen, (I say teen because YES they are 10, but let's face it.. nobody in anime acts their age. They act a little bit older. Hence there is no way in hell 10 year olds would go off with 15 year olds on their own to travel the world) and she needed to be pushed to her limit just enough to see the bigger picture. She didn't know that, the gang didn't know that, hell WE growing up didn't really realize that, but Drew did. It's the truth. The gang enabled her to stay at her mediocre pace. They didn't do anything wrong for that, but they didn't help her reach her potential any bit faster. Drew did though. Each time she surprised him, he got sweeter and gave her a little bit more praise everytime. Yes, he remained harsh, but she still had a lot to learn. Might I add, nobody could push her the way Drew did. There are so many scenes where it shows how much Drew subconsciously pushed her to want to be better. A matter of fact- in The Unbeatable Lightness of Seeing Max tries to get Ash and May to battle and GUESS WHAT?!?!? May responds, "NO WAY!"

Now this could mostly be from their battle styles being similar, but despite that she openly admits the loss to Solidad was bothering her much more at the time. She WANTED to be better and find her own battling style, but she couldn't yet due to the fact she was depressed from her loss and it was holding her back. All it takes is her and Drew having a 5 second stare-down into each other's eyes for her to get off her ass for the first time in like 5 episodes. That's it. That is all it took. Not to mention even though she lost to him it gave her closure. She admittedly said it herself that she thought she caught up, but he pulled away again. All Drew said was, "Well you gotta keep moving, I guess" and that was the absolute truth. That's all her wanted her to do, was to keep moving no matter what. Keep being. That's another reason I believed she went to Johto. She didn't need Ash and Brock anymore. She needed herself and the things that made her lil coordinator soul light up. She needed change, and she needed Drew. Everyone can say "Oh all Harley and Solidad went too" yeah no shit, and I bet if she found out only Harley was going to the Johto region she would've been like, "LMFAO LET ME GO TO SINNOH" but because of Drew going she decided she wanted to continue following him, because he was her rival.

OKAY NOW TO THE FUN PART!!!

WHEN

HAS

MAY

EVER

BLUSHED

TOWARDS

Ash

LITERALLY NOT EVEN ONCE LMFAO.

Not even in that stereotypical filler episode that almost EVERY Pokegirl gets where some random ass character that nobody ever sees again accuses Ash and the main female character of having feelings with each other. EVEN LANA HAD MORE HINTS OF HAVING FEELINGS FOR ASH, hell at least she blushed 🤷🏼‍♀️ There were seriously never any hints between them two, they were more like siblings. They were so alike it was unreal and that's why May no longer wanted to travel with Ash because it didn't benefit her in the end, which is why she went to follow Drew instead!

Might I add if someone says "weLL iT wAs jUsT a KiDs sHoW tHeY cOuLdNt dO mUcH" just stfu because Serena literally kissed Ash. They got away with so much shit when Pokemon was owned by ForKids that they seriously could have put a kissing scene in there if they wanted to. They could have added *hints* towards Ash and May if they WANTED to, but they chose to show hints towards May and Drew instead since they were the closest thing to canon on the series other than Amourshipping and Pokeshipping. HELL EVEN PEARLSHIPPING HAD MORE HINTS THAN ADVANCESHIPPING but it is an easy comparison when one has things to back them up and the other doesn't have anything to back them up 🤷🏼‍♀️ but we already knew that!!!

[abarbaricyalp]

@winterfalconevents

Prompt fill: Meddling Best Friend

Rated T: In this Modern AU fic, Steve has died before the beginning of the story due to complications from a life time of illnesses, Bucky Barnes is an amputee soldier, and Sam and Bucky volunteer in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome babies. There are references made by Steve, Sam, and Bucky to medical trauma, long term illnesses, and hospice care. Though passing (sometimes glib, sometimes serious), some of these remarks may be upsetting if you're sensitive to those topics. I have tried to only speak to medical things I or people in my life have experienced and done so in a way that I felt was respectful and honest to the situation and characters but please take care of yourself first and foremost. 

This is a holiday fic that is both lighthearted but deals with traumatized individuals. It can be quite heavy at times. But I'll give you a spoiler, it has a happy Hallmark ending.

13.8k words

Summary:  A year after Steve Rogers' death, Bucky Barnes gets a letter requesting he go to a specific coffeeshop at a specific time, where he promptly runs into Sam Wilson with his own letter. When they find another letter, they begin a scavenger hunt set up by Steve that sends them searching for storage units, hot chocolate, closure, and maybe even a little bit of Christmas magic in each other.

AO3 link in the notes

These Ghosts That Haunt Christmas

Leave it to Steve fucking Rogers to die two days after Thanksgiving and ruin the all of Bucky’s holidays for the rest of his life. A year later, back in New York for the first time since estate stuff had been worked out, his heart felt like an open wound and all of his favorite holiday foods and drinks were ash in his mouth. He hated this. He had loved Christmas more than any other time of the year and now he had panic attacks when he woke up and it was cold outside.

Moving to California had helped, but not much. Not when a letter had ended up on his doorstep written in Steve’s handwriting, urging him to New York. It wasn’t written in a way that necessarily suggested Steve knew Bucky would leave, but Bucky still couldn’t help but feel like he was being watched since the letter had found its way to him at his new address. That was impossible.

He supposed it actually wasn’t that impossible. He’d left a forwarding address and the letter was wrapped in a new envelope and really the scrawl on that envelope was probably just messy enough to be similar to Steve’s and his aching heart wanted to believe Steve was still around.

It was just a letter Steve had written before he died.

Buck,

I guess I’m not gonna know what it was that finally kicked my ass. Or, at least, I’m not gonna get to correct this letter with the right answer. I’m gonna guess it’s this half-heart I have, but I bet there’s good money on a lung issue too.

Sorry, this is morbid and probably cruel to you. It’s not really something I’ve ever had to think about too seriously--being the one who gets left behind. Do you remember freshman year when you got clocked in the face by that line drive up on the mound? You went down so fast and I just thought ‘no, I wasn’t supposed to be the one who survived.’ But you got up and I got sick a few weeks later and we stopped thinking about role reversal. Even when you went MIA, it never felt real. I always knew you’d come back.

Hey, you wanna know something that I think is funny and you’ll probably be pissed about? I’m writing this right next to you. It’s October, almost Halloween. You’re wearing socks with jack-o-lanterns on them. Your sister’s girl bought them for you. You’re sleeping on your hand, elbow balanced on the arm of the chair. It keeps slipping off and you jolt awake and curse and help me with the solitaire game I’m playing and then fall back asleep in the same position.

Buck, I love you so much.

I know we’ve been sayin’ it since we were kids, but if there’s one thing you remember about me, remember that. And if there’s a second thing--that I’m devastatingly handsome. Tell the world about the model it never got.

I don’t think I’ve got much more time. I’ve been sick so long I used to think I wouldn’t feel the end coming, but that’s not true. This is different. I ain’t gonna mention it to you and I’m gonna make sure all the nurses don’t tell you neither. You don’t need that. We’re gonna have the same amount of time together whether you know or not.

I wish we hadn’t lost so much time to what happened when you shipped out. Wish I hadn’t been so healthy while you were gone. Wish you hadn’t come back different. Wish I’d known how to help you put yourself back together. Have I mentioned I didn’t think I’d have to be the strong one? I guess that kind of makes me a bad friend but you always stuck around, huh? Even when we didn’t know what we were doing.

I know you’re gonna be hurting again. So I need you to do something for me. Remember we used to do that, after your discharge? I just gave you tasks and you had to get them done? Here’s a new game.

There’s a cafe a few blocks from the hospital. I know it’s the last place you wanna hang out, but go to the cafe the Monday before Christmas for breakfast. Say 8. Sit in the purple booth. That’s my favorite. On the good days, when I could make the walk with the trainers or nurses, I’d sit there and try to match watercolors until I got that shade. Order your favorite drink and food. They have a seasonal menu, so I guess I should send you in October so you can get those pumpkin and cream cheese danishes, but maybe they’ll still be there in November.

Talk to someone new.

That’s the game.

You have to talk to someone while you’re there. I think it’ll be obvious who it should be. I just have a good feeling. We made it through two decades on good feelings, right? Follow this last gut instinct of mine. I think you’ll find exactly who you’re supposed to talk to.

The midnight rounds are about to come through so I’m going to wrap this up before the nurse gossips my ear off. (I wonder if Paramedic Jack ever told Kelsey how he actually felt before he switched shifts.)

I love you, Buck,

Steve

Bucky had read it again and again when it came in and now he read it once more, standing outside the cafe, which was more of a bakery, and trying to convince himself to go inside. The snow picked up and the wind snaked under his coat, though, so he stepped inside. Who knew a few months in California could ruin a lifetime of New York in him?

He ordered a drink that was more chocolate than coffee and a plain cream cheese danish because there was no pumpkin and then looked around the cafe for the purple booth. He found one, but there was already someone tucked around a drink, studying the wooden table below him intently.

Well. Maybe that was the sign Steve meant for him to be looking for.

Bucky made his way over to the booth and set his drink down on the corner of the table before clearing his throat. “Hey do you mind if I--” He cut off as the lone drinker looked up at him. “Oh, no way,” he breathed.

“Oh, come on,” Sam Wison groaned. “Of all the places in New York? What’re you doing here?”

“I--” Bucky almost waved the letter around, but found he definitely did not want to share it with Sam Wilson.

Sam was one of the physical therapy trainers at the hospital. A part time job, since he was also a part time therapist at the VA and apparently still worked for the Air Force somehow. Bucky knew all of that because he’d been the therapist of Bucky’s assigned group therapy when he’d come back from overseas. And then it turned out he’d been Steve’s PT since the first stroke, since before Bucky had been back from his deployment. Bucky couldn’t get away from the guy, and he’d tried. He’d been removed from the group therapy in a truly spectacular fashion--nothing against Wilson at that point, really, but it was a nice bonus--but then he’d seen him at least twice a week at the hospital anyway. It didn’t help that Wilson had become attached to Steve’s side in Bucky’s absence, and after his return too as it turned out.

Steve was allowed to have other friends. Obviously. It’s just that Sam Wilson was handsome and funny and smart and knew what Steve had gone through while Bucky had been gone. And Bucky didn’t particularly feel like he could compete. He didn’t want to have to compete.

There were other things--things that if Bucky sat down and was honest with himself were actually positives and not negatives--like the fact that Wilson had never used kiddie gloves around him. Every other asshole between some desert and Brooklyn had either acted like Bucky was a live bomb or the man setting it off. Wilson hadn’t acted like anything. Bucky was just another guy to him. Which was jarring, but also probably good.

But he wasn’t looking for good, he was looking for a reason to stay away.

“Hello, Major Tom?” Wilson asked, waving his hand over the coffee cup lid Bucky was staring at.

“Do you still go running every morning?” Bucky asked stupidly instead of answering. Wilson was dressed in sweats, a thermal running shirt under the USAF hoodie he was wearing.

“Yeah, man. I still go running. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Figured you’re so old by now, they musta kicked you out of the Force.”

Wilson rolled his eyes. “It’s only been a year. And we’re still the same age.”

“I didn’t say we weren’t. I’m old too, man.”

“Yeah, you really look it. That haircut really isn’t working for you,” Sam agreed sarcastically. Then, with a weary sigh, he gestured to the other side of the booth. “Go ahead, sit down. I think I know what this is about.”

“You do?” Bucky asked but sat down anyway.

Sam produced a piece of paper from a pocket in his tights under his sweats. “Yeah, I’d be willing to bet that fancy left arm of yours that you’ve got a matching letter.”

[apixrl]

DRIVER'S LICENSE.

katsuki bakugou x fem! reader

WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.

word count: 4.5k

song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)

note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh

"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"

The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.

Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.

Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.

Not anymore, at least.

Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.

The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.

All these questions with nothing to answer them.

Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.

And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.

He was the one.

Emphasis on was.

So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.

He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.

That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.

That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.

As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.

EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .

The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.

"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.

"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"

"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"

"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.

"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.

"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"

"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"

"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.

"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"

"In a way, yes,"

"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.

"...Yes?"

"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"

Called it.

"...No,"

"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"

"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"

"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"

"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.

"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"

"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"

"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.

"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"

"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"

"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.

"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.

"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.

"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"

The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.

All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.

Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.

You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.

It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.

You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.

Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.

However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.

So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.

"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.

"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"

"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?

"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"

"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"

"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"

"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"

"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"

You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!

"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"

"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.

Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?

Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.

"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.

"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"

"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"

"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.

Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.

"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"

Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.

"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"

"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.

"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"

"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.

Dumbass.

That's what he used to call you.

The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.

No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.

"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"

That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...

"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"

No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.

So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.

An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.

A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.

[youranxiousnerd]

The Transformation Thoughts

bc hsmtmts said gay rights

spoilers below

yesss seb doing the recap

wait did seb just say he was crying?!?! give him a hug 

cow baby!!!

wow miss jenn and seb having a civil conversation

Natalie is back!!

ej and ricky with the mask

kourtney’s outfit!!!

ashlyn’s outfit...

ahh so the awards and the show are separate, good, that’s how it works

RICKY’S SHIRT!?!?!?! 

i love it

ricky is lgbt do not try to convince me otherwise

ASHLYN IS SINGING IT IS BEAUTIFUL

like pop off

ricky and the mask

that mask is the true villain in season 2

“Belle, I-” flops

Ashlyn is carrying the scene, she is such a good Belle

how is ricky allowed on stage oh my god

the cap

that damn mask

“It’s okay, it was just my face”

Miss Jenn is hanging on by a thread

finally some ashlyn and ricky content

“Which they will” buddy have you faced the music? Have you seen Ricky?

“I think I might have been playing Troy at one point”

Miss Jenn needs help from someone who isn’t a teenager

“Mother is freaking out” High school theater at it’s finest

“There is math involved”

“OH” 

sassy seb

i can’t with east high’s tech crew, what are you doing?!?!

and why are the actors figuring out the tech stuff?!? i’m sure kourt, big red, ashlyn (she knows all), and seb (he lives on a farm) know what to do. 

the crew cannot be that bad

btw here are my thoughts on this scene

guys it is ashlyn’s house not yours

portwell shoulder bump

ASHLYN I LOVE YOU

OH SO NOW YOU HAVE DRILLS

WHERE WERE THEY WHEN THE TECHIES STARTED USING GLUE ON PLYWOOD!?!?!?!

I WANT ANSWERS

i. cannot. with. this. show.

lily wtf

“is this too weird” yes

like why?

lily like actually shut up

big red’s “wtf”

let her be evil damnit

“i’m just not well liked here” i wonder why

that was really weird, anyways

“he gets weird around tools”

me too

no give big red the drill he knows how to use it

someone write a fic about the girls and seb’s chaotic target run

why don’t you have a blackout and dramatic music and lights for the transformation, i know it isn’t award level but if done right it can be pretty dope

“I don’t know if my parents will be okay with me being at a co-ed sleepover”

“Chip, this is your mother speaking, go call your mother”

HE DID THE FINGER GUNS

GAY TABLE SIT AND FINGER GUNS THEY DID THEIR RESEARCH

ashlyn’s bucket

CARLOS GAY TABLE SIT

OH MY GOD

they’re so gay soulmates

let big red have his skateboards

“i need to talk to seb at some point but it can wait” honey no it can’t wait seb is on the verge of a breakdown

wait they havent talked in a week

Im a hypocrite ive been dancing around someone for three years

“You’re still at school”

“I’m worried about my children” “She means us”

such a high school theater thing (like i got married during high school theater, we had a family tree)

“ah, Sebby”

“Now I’m pretty sad” give him a hug

the girls ship seblos

“But, I guess he has to be, out of default, right... there’s not a lot of choices for a boy like Carlos, here, at East.”

alright here come the tears 

why...why couldn’t he say “gay” or “queer” or “lgbt”?!?!

“Not so good at saying the feelings part out loud”

shiz that hit close to home. 

Seb is just making me cry today, isn’t he?

wait so we’re just going to change the subject? coming from a queer person, opening up about your problems about your sexuality is hard. like, there are things that happened years ago im just telling people. 

“You’re my sister, he’s my cousin”

it seems everyone except nina knows about the chocolates. imagine gossip time when gina told people write a fic

Nini just stop talking. It wasn’t a big deal, simple mistake. Not everything has to be big and dramatic

and wasn’t she just asking about Gina and Ej? 

Nini for the love of god it is not something to read into.

“The farmer type”

Ash and Red exchanging gossip

wait... why are they texting about this?

“Why wouldn’t he say something to me?” It’s a hard conversation to have. “hey are we together just because i’m your only option?” 

“Okay, pretty boy” HE CALLED HIM PRETTY BOY

RICKY!!!!!!!!!!

!!!

carlos and gina chaotic siblings

give ej a hug 

“Sweet boy”

im so glad the guys are talking about their feelings.

Why a sleepover? It’s more of a hangout.

“Verging on failure”

jennzara therapy

slowwww burn

you go from hand holding to fist bump

disney please release an acoustic version of “let you go”

so it’s just carlos and ricky chillin’ at big red’s house?

do not play let you go for nini

do. not.

“You guys are a hallmark movie”

for once ricky is being smart

“the look on your face when you were talking about Seb tonight” smiles

he is so whipped

“I think you and Seb have something worth fighting for...bro”

that was so sweet and then there is bro

i love this show

“Sorry, I’m adjusting to being called bro” 

him and seb being awkward about feelings... that is a high school relationship

i love ricky in this scene

“Yeah, let’s just write”

ASHLYN CALLED BIG RED BABE AWWWWW

nina shut the actual hell up

“It’s in the costume shop, somewhere” mood

“Thank you, 15″ THEY SAID THE THING

GAHHHH

I LOVE IT

howie and kourtney oh my god what is happening

 “and begging”

“hi” he’s so nervous oh my lord.

he is so awkward around seb 

it’s like a switch

“Do you want to get risotto with me sometime” OH MY GOD THATS ADORABLE

GINA BABY HE LIKES YOU 

GINA HONEY!!!

AWWW THAT WAS ADORABLE

PORTWELL YESSSS

gina’s little run

“Am I in trouble?” 

they’re so nervous 

oh my god its time

“You keep it all bottled up” GUYS I CANT ARGGGG

can ricky just like, go behind a curtain?

“lookin’ for our kind of love” carlos basically just said “i love you”

seb is so whipped like look at him?

they’re so in love

seb’s little eye role at “in a heartbeat, i choose you”

the hands omfg

oh my god they’re going to dance

SHIZ THE HOMECOMING SUITS

I WAS RIGHT

OH MY GOD

SHIT GUYS IM DYING

gah the hands i cant

carlos is leading i love it

the tie

a tie just killed me

im combusting

You’re honor, they’re in love

i really thought carlos was going in for a kiss he is probably getting one later

i like how the dance isn’t big, it’s small and a little awkward bc right then it’s just them.

THEYRE SO IN LOVE HOLY SHIT

damnit big red

big red is legally required to interrupt almost kiss moments especially if it’s an lgbt kiss bc we cant have two in one season

in a heartbeat is so cute. Frankie showed UP this season with the vocals. there is no way that was all acting bc they looked so in love.

I...I love it

the lyrics are perfect

In a Heartbeat and Let You Go are probably the best OG songs of the season

“Siri, add In a Heartbeat to my gay sob playlist”

these boys are just serenading each other left and right 

“Yeah” 

so it’s just “yeah”!?!? That’s it!?!?! Seb could have least kissed him on the cheek or did they use all their kisses?

I love the song and love the scene, but there is so much more to discuss. Are we going to brush over the fact that Seb literally had an allergic reaction and didn’t get help because he didn’t want to disappoint Carlos!?!? Are we going to brush over “no, seb” and seb feeling like he has to get carlos big things!?! One “yeah” doesn’t erase all that. I’m hoping we get closure, proper closure, not a joke. 

In conclusion, only one thing was settled (Carlos loves Seb for Seb, not because he is the only out guy in school).

“Seb and Carlos suffer their first fight” effing liars

BTW it looks like they filmed the dance scene with the homecoming suits and normal outfits so disney release the footage

Ricky is the biggest Seblos shipper

“Bro”

you morons. are you using rigging without an adult there?!?!

im pretty sure that isn’t allowed. only trained people were allowed to use the rigging. it should be Natalie since she did it in HSM

you should have gotten mats are something or stand in a circle

gahhh

RICKY

OH MY FRICKING GOD

NO ONE RAN THEY JUST WATCHED WTF

WTF WAS THAT ENDING

UMMMMM NO

i legit have no words oh my god 

they just killed the lead

you guys saw the rope you should have ran 

you should have gotten mats or blankets or something just in case

rigging is difficult, set rigging and people rigging

EAST HIGH WTF

Looks like the sleepover is going to be in the ER

My gay heart is full but my theater heart is screaming. The episode went by really fast. I liked it, like a lot.

To answer the question, no, I am not okay @organic-guacamole and we will have a theater kid sleepover

[organic-guacamole]

Alright here's the real post of ep206

as usual, spoiler alert.

I'm literally so late today omg😭

I watched it with @sunshine-julie-molina and another friend so it was worth the wait✋

North high's video i-

I still don't think it should be "legal" in terms of the competition rules but whatever. Antoine is adorable though, as expected.

AW SEBBY

He's not wrong, they probably will win because of ✨ friendship✨

Ok but... imagine a seb and EJ friendship 🥲

GINAAAAAA

That exit sign thing shouldn't have been as funny as it was✋

Ashlyn babyyyy

I'm just gonna say it, I'm glad the writers picked up the Ashlyn insecurity thing, but I really really hope they execute it properly.

I don't like how they're not just explicitly saying it. Like it's not a bad word, why can't you just say that she feels that because she's not skinny and fitting into society's typical image of "the perfect princess", that she can't be Belle.

She thinks she's too fat to be Belle.

There, was that so hard to say Disney?

As someone that's insecure about their weight and body image, I don't appreciate how they're constantly hinting at it instead of outright saying it. I think if they play it out right, showing how Ashlyn compares herself to Lily more, it could work.

INFINITY PLUS ONE VIBES WITH THAT BALL EXERCISE.

Seb hula hooping omg don't touch me

Why is he so adorable all the time

Not them getting me all excited about a seblos improv scene, just for them to cut away✋

Finally Ashlyn stops trying so hard to get through to Gina, I mean yeah you offered up your home, friendship, support and love to her, and Gina's just been brushing you off but come on hear her out.

If you can't tell, that is complete sarcasm. Good for you Ashlyn for knowing your worth /gen.

EEEEE MIKE BOWEN HAS ARRIVEDDDDDD

They're so sweet, I swear if they aren't endgame...I'm perfectly fine with jennzzara. It's a cool subplot but I couldn't care less who she gets with, they both like her a lot so I'd be happy either way.

Please I felt like I was intruding on that kiss uhhh.

🥰😍❤️✨EJ✨❤️😍🥰

I want that grey sweatshirt, it looks so soft ahhhhh.

YES EJ, WE'RE MOVING ON FROM NINI WOOHOOO

"watch your tone"

damn-

Ngl Ms Jenn would be a scary step-mother.

Right here we go, Gina and Ashlyn, take 2.

PLEASE NOW I SEE THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN EJ AND ASH-

It's a Caswell thing😌

That flashback scene was really good wow, I honestly thought we'd have to wait longer to see what the secret was but I guess not👀.

Gina handled that so well, she stated what she needed to say, acknowledged that he's with Nini, and got her closure. That's nothing for her to be embarrassed about.

I guess she thought she'd leave and not have to address it or see him again but either way, she did well and I'm proud of her.

Ricky. That's it. That's all I'm gonna say.

ANTOINE MY BELOVED. THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING THE FACT THAT NO ONE EATS ALL THEIR FOOD IN SHOWS AND MOVIES-

That always confused me, you're paying to eat at a restaurant, at least eat it?????

Julia/Ashlyn's vocals>>>>>>>

Let's applaud Kaden for grabbing that guitar and doing what needed to be done.

And because we love him.

YES KOURT

Good on you for fully committing and owning your feelings, despite this "relationship" with Howie being extremely rushed and not making much sense considering what you've said for the entirety of season 1 and like 5 times in this episode alone about not needing a guy, but YES IM STILL HAPPY.

Although I'm not gonna lie, I half-expected Howie to say that he's gay at the end there-

Wow take notes Ricky. Your dad and teacher just sacrificed something important for them, to help you. Think you can try to do that for Nini, Gina or like, the entire theatre department?

THE ROSE SONG.

THE ROSE SONG.🌹

I can't be the only one that's pissed that Carlos is gonna post the video of this.

Like let North High think they got East High beat, then shock them on opening night with the song, this'll just cause them to try to come up with something to one up East High.

DAMNIT CARLOS.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

You Promised Me!

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: love triangle (kind of), the snap, angst

Request by anon: Would you think about writing a x reader where R and Bucky were an inseparable couple before the snap. Like, she went on the run with him in civil war. And then when the snap happens her and Steve get together, but when Bucky comes back there’s a huge brawl between Steve and Bucky?

Summary: You and Bucky were like two peas in a pod. You two loved each other more than anything in the whole world... then the snap happened, and you spent five years without him in your life. During that time, you grew closer to Steve and learned to fall in love him. Now, everyone who died because of the snap is back, and Bucky doesn’t know you and Steve are now a thing. Who will you choose? Bucky or Steve?

Squares Filled: image prompt (B4) @buckybarnesbingo​ // museum (1st and 2nd card) @happystevebingo​ // rome wasn’t built in a day @as-the-saying-goes-bingo​ // “as maybe the worlds leading authority of waiting too long…” @star-spangled-bingo​ // confessions @genprompt-bingo // friends to enemies @trope-bingo

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Never did you think your team would be split like it is now. Never did you think you would have to pick a side for something you understand coming from either side. Never did you think this would end the way it did. Steve and Tony head to head, Bucky caught in the middle of it, friends forced to choose sides instead of working together, and a piece of paper telling the world that the rebels are criminals because of it.

You’re forced to pick a side, and even though you’re a good friend of Tony, you have to pick Steve’s side. It’s going to make Tony an enemy, but it’s what you have to do. Bucky is your boyfriend going on three years now, and you can’t abandon him now. Not after everything you two have been through since you and Steve figured out he was alive after all this time. It took a long time to build the relationship you have with Bucky, and you’re not going to leave him after this.

Steve and Tony are too busy fighting, but it’s not Steve that you’re worried about. Tony made sure to do damage to your boyfriend, and that includes ripping off his metal arm. You’re not sure if it hurts or not, but you’re not going to let him stay long enough to get even more injured. You’re the best mechanic on the team, and you know you can repair his arm with your tools.

Luckily, due to being on the run from the law, you have your own mini lab back at the cabin you, Bucky, and Steve have been staying in until this whole Sokovia Accord thing blows over. Your tools is the only thing that is going to save his arm without handing him back over to Tony or anyone else.

“Come on, Bucky, we need to go,” you grunt and help him to his feet. “Steve!”

His metal arm is lying on the ground, broken and confused, but you grab it anyway. You won’t be able to hold it and help Bucky at the same time. Taking off one of the straps that is part of your outfit, you pick up the arm and wrap it around it and his body so that it hangs off his back. It’s the only way you’re going to get him out of here with it.

“Steve!” you yell and look over at him.

He’s walking away from Tony with his shield, but Tony barely sits up and spits out the blood in his mouth.

“That doesn’t belong to you.”

Steve drops the shield as if it meant nothing to him and helps you with Bucky. You three leave with a shred of decency that Tony allows you to have. You understand he’s angry that it was Bucky that killed his parents, but he doesn’t seem to understand it wasn’t him. It was all HYDRA because they brainwashed him into doing their dirty work. You thought Tony was more evolved than that, but you guess not.

You leave him on the icy country by himself to fend for himself. He got himself into this mess by himself, and he can get himself out of it. You, on the other hand, take Bucky and Steve back to your comfy cabin. It isn’t big by any means, but it’s what you call home these days. If you were to go back t0 your actual home, you would be caught and put in prison. You’re fugitives, so you have to act like it.

“Come on, let’s get this fixed for you,” you say as Steve prepares the fire.

“Is it bad?” Bucky groans.

“Nothing I can’t fix,” you state.

Your tools are all lined up, ready for you to use them. Bucky’s arm isn’t a clean-cut, so adjustments will have to be made. You pick up a small welding machine and tweezers so you can do this one strand at a time.

“Here, Buck,” Steve sighs and hands him a small cup of tea.

“What are we going to do now?” he asks after he takes a sip.

“We live like outlaws until someone needs us, or until the Accords go away. We can’t go back now. It’s too dangerous,” you say as you work.

Steve leaves the room with a sigh, and Bucky turns his head to you. It’s his one moment of privacy, and he’s going to take it. You make eye contact with him and stop working for just a few seconds.

“What is it?” you ask in a low tone.

“Promise me you’ll never leave,” he whispers.

“I promise.”

Fighting with Tony was supposed to be the biggest thing that could ever happen. These Sokovia Accords were supposed to be the end. You, Steve, and Bucky all living like outlaws along with the rest of the Avengers that were on your team, and everyone else hunting you down like animals.

There was never supposed to be a bigger fight.

Until it came, and you had no clue something like this was even out there.

It’s what brought everyone else back as a team because with someone as big of a threat like Thanos, you kind of need everyone working on the same side here. However, it wasn’t Tony that called you three, it was Bruce. You thought he disappeared after what happened with Ultron, but you’re glad he’s back now.

Thanos is a mean and ugly thing, and you were supposed to win. Don’t let him get all six infinity stones was the only goal, and somehow, he managed to do just that. Against every single Avenger, he won. He snapped his fingers and did what he set his mind out to do. He wanted to erase half of every living thing in the universe, and he clearly didn't care who he had to hurt in order to do it.

Bucky fell victim--the first victim in your eyes.

He was the first to go--nothing but ashes once Thanos was done with him. After him, everyone else kept dusting away, but you and Steve stayed. You stayed to witness the love of your life die, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. His ashes fell through the cracks in your hands as your tears streamed down your face. Would it be so bad if you went just like him? Would you really leave Steve without two of his closest friends?

You never dusted away, and neither did Steve. Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Rhodey, and a few others stayed to clean up the mess Thanos created. You’ve been able to fix a lot of problems in your day, but you didn’t know where to begin with this one. Where do you start to fix things? How is someone supposed to bring everyone back? Thanos still had the stones, and with the space stone, he could go anywhere in the universe.

He’s gone, and there is no way you’re getting those stones back without major power. But who has the power like that? Who can find him and take back those stones? You know you can’t, and everyone on Earth can’t so then who?

Who is going to save you?

It took a lot from you to up and move on without Bucky. How can you move on from him or with someone else when he’s the only guy you ever loved? Bucky was Steve’s best friend, so you two found closure with each other. You two began growing closer with each passing day, month, and year. Steve was never just a friend to you. Yeah, you were with Bucky and he was his best friend, but there was always something between you and Steve. You just never acknowledged it until now.

All the years you’ve been with Bucky, you have never been anything but loyal and faithful to him. There is no visible or possible way to bring him back, so you have to move on for your sake. You knew if he was here, he would want you to move on.

So you did.

With Steve.

He used to tell you, “As maybe the worlds leading authority of waiting too long…” and then he would go into a rant about what he waited for and how much he regretted it. You never thought he would be saying to you about moving on from Bucky.

It felt wrong at first, but you eventually warmed up to it. He treated you with nothing but love and kindness, and you became loyal and faithful to him now. He expressed his concerns of what was happening between the two of you, but you assured him it’s the only way you’ll ever move on.

Time went by, and those memories of Bucky became good ones instead of the memories of loss. Everything you hated now became grace because at least you got to know Bucky the way you did. Steve knew him in a different time, and he wanted to share that part of his life with you.

What better way to do that than in the Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C.?

“I came here before I saw Bucky the first time since the 40s. This place was filled with people, but none of them recognized me,” Steve explains as he stops next to the memorial exhibit dedicated to James Buchanan Barnes.

“This is what he’s like with short hair?” you chuckle and stare into his eyes.

What was once longing and sadness whenever you looked into his eyes, it’s now adoration and fondness.

“Yeah, he didn’t grow it out back then. We had so much fun back home. There was nothing I could do that Bucky didn’t do better. Remember, back then, I was half my size and shy. I needed someone like Bucky with me.”

“We all need someone like Bucky,” you mutter.

“Let me show you my exhibit,” Steve chuckles and leads you to where he’s stationed.

You look back at Bucky from over your shoulder, and you’re suddenly sad again. It’s been about three years since the snap, but his loss hits home like it happened yesterday. You have Steve now, so why do you get like this sometimes? Steve makes you so happy, so why can’t you do the same?

“I miss him,” you blurt out and face Steve.

“Me too,” he nods.

Some part of you thinks that Thanos is going to come back and take everything else from you and everyone. That underlying fear of not if he’s going to come, but when. Yes, Thor sliced his head off a few years back and killed him, but when has that ever stopped anyone from coming back? He’ll find a way, and that’s what scares you the most.

“Promise me something, Steve,” you whisper, running your hands over his forearms.

One of your favorite things to do with Steve is to take baths with him. Not every single one is sexual, but you like the intimacy of them. He tightens his arms around your stomach and shifts so that the water threatens to spill over the side. Your bathtub is right next to a window that overlooks the city, and right now, the city lights are beautiful this time of night. Add that to the soft candle-lit room, and you’re falling in love all over again.

“When Thanos comes back, promise me you’ll never leave.”

“He won’t come back. Thor killed him for good.”

“You don’t know that. Promise me, Steve, and mean it. I can’t lose you too,” you sniffle.

“I promise.”

The prediction of when Thanos was coming back was more right than if he was. He did, but it wasn’t the Thanos you knew. Tony and Bruce found a way to make time travel real, and that is exactly how they got the stones and used them to bring everyone back. The big boss battle is what Rocket loves to call it, and he was right.

Everyone on Thanos’ side came to aid him while you, Steve, Tony, and Thor had no one but yourself. You were clearly outnumbered, and that’s when the best thing ever happened right before your eyes.

Everyone came back at the same time to help aid in the fight against Thanos. Bruce did it when he snapped his fingers. He made everyone else come back. The big prize fight did have some losses--some greater than others--but one thing it brought back to you was Bucky. You never thought you were going to see him ever again, and here he is, five years later.

There wasn’t much time to talk during or after the fight because Tony died. Tony sacrificed his life to snap away Thanos and everyone that was on his team. The funeral was nice, and you cried, but you were more scared about after it.

It was quiet after, and that gave Bucky ever incentive to go running at you and bringing you into his arms.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he mutters into your ear as he spins you around.

Steve, Sam, Wanda, Rhodey, and a few other people gathered to watch something that wasn’t so sad. Pepper and her family left to be alone inside, but she encouraged people to stay and talk among themselves. Bucky sets you on the ground and is about to kiss you, but you reluctantly pull away from his lips and grasp. You’re with Steve now, and it’s not fair to him to kiss Bucky despite wanting to.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, confused.

“I’m with Steve now,” you confess.

“What?” he asks in shock.

“You were gone for five years, Bucky. We didn't think you were coming back,” you say as if it makes it all okay.

“So, that gives you every right to move on with my best friend? My best friend? I always thought about you on the other side. The thought of you is what kept me going, and now I found out you moved on with Steve? Of all people?”

“James…”

“Cool down, Buck. Go take a walk,” Sam urges, but the super-soldier doesn’t hear him.

“Don’t talk to her that way. We grieved and mourned you,” Steve says, placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Hearing, seeing, and feeling his “best friend” just caused him to snap. He is angry with you, of course, but he can beat up his friend for it.

“I can’t believe you moved on with my girl!” Bucky says and slams his fist in the side of Steve’s face.

“Bucky! Stop!” you gasp, but don’t get caught in the crossfire.

“She’s not your girl! You died, man!” Steve gets back up to fight.

“You promised that you’d stay away from her! Did you forget that?” Bucky growls and charges at him again.

The other Avengers snap into reality and are quick to step in. You may have great mechanical and engineer skills, but you don’t have any powers. Wanda is quick to separate the two men, and Sam goes straight for Steve while Rhodey goes for Bucky.

“Stop it! Both of you!” you shout.

“You’re not my friend anymore!” Bucky yells at Steve before turning to face you.

He was ready to yell some insult in your face, but as soon as he sees your wide eyes filled with fear and guilt and sadness, he just scoffs and looks away from you.

“Get off me,” he pushes Rhodey off him before storming away.

“James!”

“Don’t talk to me,” he snaps.

You can have one, but you can’t have both. You’re immediately brought back to the Sokovia Accords, worried about which side you’re going to pick.

Past or present?

Passion or stability?

In love or love?

Bucky or Steve?

If you want to be tagged, add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

Bucky Tags: @ivvitm1109​ @kendall-michele​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @niall2017​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @mackevanstanfan80​ @fandomgirl17​ @bluedazefangirl​ @tardis-is-mine​ @moonstar86​ @tdntu0​ @ferls212​ @kpoplover1306-depressedgirl315​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @majesticavenger​ @the-real-mary-jane-blog​ @miraclesoflove​ @tomhardy41​ @emilyshurley​ @thejourneyneverendsx​ @ironmandeficiency​ @moonstar86​ @mogaruke​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @alex12948​ @bucky-odinson​ @bangtan-serendipity​ @gh0stgurl​ @justalonely-nerd​ @casseythebee​ @pinkdiamond1016​

Steve Tags: @majesticavenger​ @thejourneyneverendsx​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @ironmandeficiency​ @miraclesoflove​ @moonstar86​ @heyiamthatbitch​ @mogaruke​ @broimjustvibin​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @alex12948​ @kendall-michele​ @niall2017​ @bangtan-serendipity​ @kiwihoee​ @gh0stgurl​ @justalonely-nerd​ @casseythebee​ @pinkdiamond1016​

[thefanficmonster]

And My Heart Burned In That Lodge

Michael (Mike) Munroe x Reader (female)

Warnings: Death, Grief, Dealing with loss, Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: ANGST

Summary: None of them will ever be the same, who knows if they’ll even heal. However, the case is different for Mike. He’s left to be dealing with the guilt, grief and the haunting memory of his friend’s death. He’s angry with himself for all the wrong things he did and all the right things he was too much of a coward to do. Now, his only closure is talking to a gravestone, hoping the wind in the graveyard will pass the message onto the person who the words are meant for.  

Requested by Anon. Wish I could tag them, they have such amazing ideas ❤

PS - Sorry this is hella long, I got carried away LOL

I stand aside, watching as my friends place their flowers on her grave. I can hear their cries. For some odd reason I can’t find it in me to feel sympathy or the need to go over there and be with them. I can’t see how that would do anything but make me feel more miserable. Standing here, seeing this scene unfold in front of me, I can’t help but be reminded of how it all started.

Fuck Mondays, man. Fuck them from the bottom of my heart. Even worse, this is the first week of school after winter break so no one wants to be here. Even even worse, this is the first time I’ll be seeing Emily after out breakup. We broke up over text and while I’m aware that’s the worst way to break up with someone, I must admit it was the only way for a lot of arguing and awkwardness to be avoided. 

It’s the first time I’m coming to school alone in a while. Without Emily, the car was pleasantly quiet aside from the songs on the radio. Not gonna lie, it felt a bit lonely. Being single for the first time in what feels like forever is both liberating and oddly melancholic. I try to push the self-loathing and the depressing thoughts away as my eyes scan the hallway, looking for the group of familiar faces. My gang. We used to be ten people but we lost two girls during our winter getaway at the Washington lodge. Josh’s sisters, Hannah and Beth, went missing and are presumably dead, all cause of a stupid prank Jess, Emily and I concocted, convincing Matt and Ash to go along with it. In retrospect, I don’t know what we were thinking.

‘Seriously, Mike? From one depressing thought to another? Is your brain lacking serotonin today more than usual or what?‘ I mentally scold myself just as I spot two familiar faces - Sam and Ashley. 

It doesn’t take long for me to notice the rest of the gang - Matt, Jess and Chris - all standing near by, surrounding a girl I have never seen before. She sticks out immediately with her long H/C hair and shiny E/C eyes. Jess has her arm linked with the girl, a gesture really out of place for Jess. I mean, her and Emily are pretty close and I’ve never even seen them hug.

“Hey, man. How are you?“ Matt notices me first, lifting his head and smiling at me. His greeting leads the others to look in my direction as well, including the girl. I catch Jess lean down in and whisper something to her. I can’t hear what she’s saying but it clearly aggravates her. I have never received a dirtier look from a girl in my entire life. I usually have the opposite effect on women but I guess there’s a first time for everything. 

“Mike...” Jess steps away from the girl and towards me, “this is my best friend, Y/N. She just got transferred here.” She turns her attention back to the girl, “Y/N, this is Mike.” 

Y/N looks unamused as she outstretches her arm in my direction. “Nice to meet you” is what she says, but her expression clearly tells me she would like to see as little of me as possible. At least she’s polite, right? 

“Likewise.” The handshake is brief and, despite her obvious distaste for me, she still gives me a firm handshake. 

“Wait, you were transferred? I thought Jess said you came here cause you moved.” Sam furrows her brows in confusion. 

“Well, it’s really a chicken and the egg type of situation.” Y/N laughs, rubbing the back of her neck almost nervously, “We moved because I had to transfer.”  Yikes.“ Ashley comments, “Not to pry or anything, but why did you have to be transferred?“

Y/N looks me dead in the eyes, as if she’s sending me a message that I better not overlook, or so help me God I’ll be dead. ”Noses randomly broke when I was around.”

It hurts so much to look back on those times and not pick up on what I was feeling. I foolishly decided that if I can’t give the feelings a name or find them a purpose I should turn a blind eye. I wasn’t that ignorant, I could tell she was the cause, but I could never admit it.

And then there’s the situation with Jess...

“You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.“

I found Y/N by the bleachers and let me tell you, she’s quite the paradox. She’s a straight A, no nonsense, intelligent beyond her years girl. With all these characteristics, you’d think she’d know better than to smoke cigarettes. Wrong! She’s a smoker. Jess can never not complain about the smell of cigarette smoke, it’s a miracle these two get along.

To my ‘hi’ she responded with what looked to be an eyeroll and an annoyed release of smoke through her nostrils. Even though I know I’m not welcome to be in her proximity, I still decide to sit down a little ways away from her, for personal space and all that. Definitely not cause I’m slightly afraid of her. No way.

We just sit in silence until she hits me with the aforementioned threat. I am caught off guard. All I can do is stare straight ahead of me like a deer in headlights. After maybe thirty seconds of absolute confusion I manage to turn my head to look at her. “What are you talking about?” The question is supposed to sound harsh but compared to the way she spit out that death threat it sounded more like a whimper.

“You are such an ignorant asshole.“ She shakes her head, throwing her cigarette on the bench below her. She stomps on it and walks away. I can’t help but stare at her until she’s out of sight. I feel like I’m watching something non-human. A phenomenon you can experience once in a lifetime - if you’re lucky. 

She’s the complete opposite of Jess: grounded, smart, rational. The only time I’ve seen her be so unpleasant is around me. I catch her interactions with the rest of the gang. From afar, she seems like the nicest, friendliest girl. And then she catches a glimpse of me and her mood changes. I don’t know what’s her problem with me but I know it most certainly isn’t something I’ve done to her. She’s been like that since the first moment we were introduced, so either Jess has talked a lot of shit about me or she just hates people named Michael. I may never know.

I had no idea what she meant at the time and only found out three weeks ago. Speaking of three weeks ago, the group once again headed for the Blackwood Pines, trying to hide their uneasiness with make excitement. I was pretty hyped when I heard we were going because that also meant our friend Josh was finally starting to get better. He hadn’t been in a good mindset since his sisters went missing and we were all really worried for him but weren’t allowed to show it because he always insisted he was fine.

He wasn’t. He was as messed up as ever and served as only the prologue to the nightmare of a night we had to live through.

But before all that could happen, the night started off well. Better than expected. The eeriness of the mountain combined with the bad memories we had of the place we still there, we could all feel the tension, but we did a good job masking it with jokes and whatnot. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to go and not only because of what happened the year prior.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N’s coming too?“ I ask, looking at Josh with wide eyes.

The guy is clearly confused by my overdramatic reaction to him counting down the names of the ones who had already RSVPd ‘Yes’. “Is that a problem or something?”

I sigh, hiding my face in my hands. It’s embarrassing to admit, really. “She doesn’t like me, and that puts it mildly. She hates me.”

He looks even more baffled than before, “Why? What’d you do to her?”

“Nothing, for fuck’s sake. Not a single thing. I haven’t even had a proper interaction with her.“ Talking about this matter exhausts me, mostly cause I can’t even express half the things I’m feeling.

There’s been a time or two I’ve caught her looking at me but her eyes weren’t filled with that distrust I’m used to. She looks away quickly when we make eye contact, as if she can’t put the mean mask on in time and she has to look away to do a system reset. I sometimes catch myself looking at her without realizing. I try to tell myself I do it for the purpose of solving her. 

‘Who are you kidding, Munroe?‘

                                                                  * * *

And here I am, climbing up the mountain to the Washington lodge. I’ve made it a goal to use this getaway to mend things with Y/N. It’s the only way for me to get back to normal. To get my mind back since she’s recently been living in my head rent-free. I’m bullshitting, not just recently. She’s taken over my brain since day one. I can’t place what’s going on with me, I can’t find a term to label it with and I most definitely can’t find a way to stop it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I can’t stop it on my own, she’ll have to do it for me.

Another thing - I’ve never felt nervous or self-conscious around a girl all my life. Never. My friends joke that I’m a ladies’ man and I’d say that’s pretty true. So I have a tough time understanding how I turn into an awkward turtle that’s missing confidence when she’s around.

Once we all get settled in and there’s a fire going, giving the lodge a cozy atmosphere, it’s every man for themselves. Everyone picks a activity they want to occupy themselves with and the living room of the lodge empties out, leaving me there alone.

I scroll stare at the screen of my now useless phone. The thing has no reception and no way of keeping me busy, leaving my attention to wander to the voices that are getting more and more distant as my friends walk out of the room.

I can’t help but overhear Jess say to Y/N, “You haven’t even set your bag down yet and you’re going for a smoke? Jeez, Y/N.”

“You say as though you don’t know me.“ Y/N laughs, the sound of a door opening following after her voice.

It’s such a nice sound, her laugh. I’ve never heard it before. I’ve seen her smile and seen her chuckle at someone’s joke, but it was never actually a laugh. Seems she keeps those for special occasions. 

If she’s in the type of mood to laugh, she’s in the type of mood to be civil with me. Before I can talk myself out of the on-spot decision, I mentally slap myself and get off the couch, walking to the door to the side deck.

“You’ve got this, she’s just a person” 

“Who’s just a person?“ her voice cuts through the silence of the outdoors.

‘SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD‘

I decide to carry this all the way, no shortcuts. No backing out. Somehow, now that she’s standing in front of me - a cigarette between her fingers, her shoulders tense from of the cold - I find it easier to get the words out. She’s just as human as everyone else. The cold causes her to shrivel up. She’s addicted to tobacco. She’s not some riddle I need to solve, just a person I need to talk to in order to understand.

“You.“ I reply, “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?“

She shakes her head, her shoulders trembling a bit, “It builds the immune system.”

“No, it makes you suffer.“ I shrug my jacket off, cautiously approaching her and wrapping it around her.

Surprisingly, she accepts it with a nod and a murmured ‘thanks’, holding onto it with the hand that’s not holding her cigarette. “Why were you reminding yourself that I’m just a person? Do I not look like one?” She scoffs, facing away from me to look at the snowy hills ahead.

“No, no, not that. You just make me nervous that’s all.“ 

She whirls around, giving me this look as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Really? Why’s that?“ she puts out her cigarette on the wooden railing, focusing all her attention on me.

My hand instinctively goes up to the back of my neck, feeling my face start to heat up. “Well, you’re not really fond of me. And I don’t know why, and....” I trail off, sighing in self-disappointment, “And I wanna know why.”

Her expression turns the complete opposite, a smile spreading across her face. “It’s not about something you have done. It’s about what you might’ve done.”

Despite feeling slightly relieved, I am no less confused than I was a minute ago. “And what is that?”

“Break my best friend’s heart.“ She looks a lot more serious now, “You really had no idea she was head over heels for you just a month ago. You were so oblivious and she was so whipped...“ frustration radiates off of her, “I just didn’t want her to get hurt.“ She closes her eyes, stabilizing herself before finishing her statement, “I didn’t want to hurt her.“

“Wait, what?“

The hurt that paints itself on her face is contagious. I feel it too and I don’t even know what’s causing it. “She always told me about you. Mike this and Mike that. She made you sound like the best guy in the world. And...I really wanted to be let down when I met you, but you were nothing but nice to me and to the other people in the group. But you were also such a jerk from time to time. You are just too...Fucking forget it.” 

In a blink of an eye she puts my jacket over the railing and runs inside the lodge.

“Y/N, wait!“

Needless to say, running after her was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t get her to admit to anything, but at least we lied down the armor and agreed to give each other some time to get to know one another. Drop aside the assumptions and give a this acquaintanceship the chance to become a friendship. 

Sadly, all good things come to an end way sooner than we want. The rest of that dreadful night I witnessed her transform. When everyone was freaking out, she held them and comforted them. I saw the fear in her eyes but she never let it shine through in her actions. She was the one still holding it together even after she saw that disgusting creature. Her and I were the ones to turn that sanatorium upside down. We were with Josh in the mines. We were the ones to see the Wendigo first. We were by each other’s side the entire time. We had each other’s backs. 

I’ve never felt such a connection with someone. I was experiencing the most intimate understanding with a person in the worst moment of my life. It was bittersweet. The poison mixed with the cure.

Even when she knew her death was approaching, her only reaction was a single tear. A single crystal drop running down her cheek.

We can make a break. We can run right out of this hell hole and turn it to ash, all we need is for this fucking to focus its attention elsewhere. Thankfully Chris, Ash and Emily have made it out already and they’re safe. However, Sam, Y/N and I are trapped. The silent looks we exchange are laced with fear and panic. We have to calculate our next moves down to a millisecond and we don’t even know what those next moves should be.

Suddenly, a sharp pain starts spreading from my hand shoulder. My adrenaline is no longer doing a good job blocking out the pain of the fingers I had to sever. I slip up, letting out a hiss. The pain is just that unbearable.

That thing turn at the speed of light, letting out a screech and heading in my direction. My whole body is tense I couldn’t move if I wanted to but my arm is in such a horribly painful position, I think I’ll faint if I don’t readjust it.

“HEY!“ The voice comes from opposite me and my heart drops.

Sam’s next to me. It’s not her. It’s Y/N. 

The Wendigo loses interest in me as soon as it hears her yell turning and heading straight for her. It all starts sinking in. Now that it’s facing away, Sam and I can make it out. But she can’t. It’s over for her. There’s no way she’s leaving this lodge.

I catch her eyes from across the room. Her posture says a fighter, but her eyes scream ‘petrified’. She knows it too. She knows it’s game over. A single tear rolls down her cheek, shattering my heart.

That’s the last vulnerable moment, however. She turns her head, deciding to go out without showing a glint of fear to that piece of shit. I don’t have to look at Sam or tell her what to do. We’re both aware that we’re about to make it out, losing Y/N in the process.

It happens in a split second. Y/N spits at the Wendigo and then next thing I see is her laying on the ground in a pool of blood. 

The dash out of the lodge is a blur. The last thing I remember is sitting outside of the burning building, staring at the flames. The lodge wasn’t the only thing burning. Years of memories; history; wendigos; and my heart burnt in that lodge.

I see the group leave the graveyard. I struggle to move forward, my limbs heavy. I feel gravity is a lot stronger all of a sudden. 

I didn’t go to the final goodbye. I knew it wasn’t her. There was nothing left of her to bury. Sam told me they buried things that reminded people of her and objects she cherished. 

Well it’s time I give my goodbye.

I shrug my jacket off - the same jacket from that night - and put it around the gravestone like I put it over her shoulders. There’s a box of the cigarettes she smoked in the inner pocket.

“I hope you felt what I felt, Y/N. I hope I didn’t have to say it for you to notice it. I wish I knew...cause now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” I can’t stop the tears, I’m too weak and I’ve been holding them back for far too long. “I’ve never believed in an afterlife. But I really hope there is one, just so we can meet again.” I scoff, shaking my head, “Who am I kidding, I’m probably going to hell.”

I believe that’s where I deserve to go, anyway. I’m the reason she died. And I will never let myself live that down. I will never forgive myself. A flame like no other burnt out so mine could keep burning.   I will make sure it haunts me till the day I leave this world behind.

[elejah-verse]

Hellbound

Fanfiction

Prologue

This a tvd+to fanfiction story. Totally AU.

Premise:

The Mikaelsons helped the Mystic Falls Scoobies fight a clan of ancient werewolves called the Hundings. Klaus and Caroline paid the ultimate price, as well as Damon. But as it is the case in the magical world of the Mystic Falls vampires, death is not the end.

There is also a new adventure looming for the Mystic Falls Scoobies and their now friends, the Original vampires, as everything is somehow always conected to them. And so, they are Hellbound...

Main pairings_ Elijah MIkaelson x Elena Gilbert,

Rebekah Mikaelson x Stefan Salvatore

Kol Mikaelson x Bonnie Bennett

Damon Salvatore x Katherine Pierce

*

tag_ @teachingpanda​

@elejahforever​

thanks for reading, and for requesting a tvd/to story. This has sprung out from this gifset

https://elejah-wonderland.tumblr.com/post/624551723582816256/elijahwhat-are-you-saying-elenaesther-has

In Mystic Falls

Elijah finished his account of the battle against the Hundings for Sophie's Grimoire. Then he opened his diary. He had been doing some writing for days. This entry was of a more personal nature.

                ‘It is assumed that happiness is hard to capture. And how can one feel happy having lost so many dear people close to one's heart. Having existed now for more than a millenia, I can say with certainty that love is the driving force for all. The scars of the soul are mended with it, making it possible to look to another day, and I am witness to it. We are ruled by our fears and disbelief and it clouds our minds. Love is not a weakness but the ultimative strength.What would we be without love. I have allowed myself to believe in it. I have searched long enough for it. And it has been bestowed on me when I have least expected it. I have read a long time ago that one would know one's true love by the look in his or her eyes as they are the windows to one's soul. Maybe she is the one I was looking for all my life.'

He closed the diary as Elena came into the library.

"Hey" the doppelganger said joining the Original at the table.

"How are you? I saw Antoinette leave."

"I am fine. You?" Elijah replied.

"Went to the Wickery Bridge with Matt."

"You did?!" Elijah was somewhat surprised.

"Kind of needed closure. I don't know. My life changed twice there." "And did you get closure?"

Elena nodded a little. "I had dreams, thoughts about how my life would be. Whether to go to Whitmore or even New York, if I was going to move away after college. I wanted to study medicine like my-  father. And then -you know-things first changed when my parents died."

"And second time when you were told you were a doppelganger?! Your life was never going to be completely your own?!" Elijah concluded.

"No-but I made peace with it. It was especially weird talking about with Katherine! Both of us didn't really have a choice in the matter. You know, I get her." Elena said.

"Well, only you can say that." Elijah remarked.

"Klaus killed her parents as punishment for turning and disabling him from breaking the curse." "I know, Elena." Elijah sighed a little.

Flashback

At the Plantation house, near New Orleans

Elijah found Katherine at Damon's grave planting flowers. She got up as she saw him standing there. 

"Hello" Elijah said.

"I thought we said all there is to say?!" Katherine said looking at him in a serious manner.

"Yes. But there is one thing I need to say. It's about Klaus."

Katherine sighed a little. "What about him?!"

"It's about me as well."

 The doppelganger looked at him calmly.

Elijah flashed back for a second to a moment 500 years ago when he had a conversation with her.

"What is it?" she now urged the Original to speak.

"There are no words that would lessen what we had done to you. But I want you to know that I recognize the pain we had caused you." Elijah said.

Katherine now turned the  look onto Damon's grave and then to Elijah.  "For more than 520 years I had one thing on my mind and that was finding a way to kill Klaus for having murdered my family. I have lied, cheated, manipulated, killed... all to survive and find a way to end him." Kathrine said, pausing for a moment.

She drew a deep breath and looked at Elijah poignantly, "We all have graves to visit now!"

Walking passed the Original vampire the brunette went her way to the house.

"I am sorry Katerina Petrova" Elijah muttered as he looked at her  walking away.

"I'm sorry. This was not easy" Elena said.

They agreed that they would all continue with a clean slate and leave the past behind.

"It's all right. You don't have to feel bad for bringing it up." Elijah said. "You also didn't have much choice- you didn't ask to be turned." Elena reminded the vampire of his disposition.

"Still, we had the choice of seeking humanity within us. We were not completely souless monsters."

"Choices-  yep!" Elena uttered.

"You miss Jeremy?!" "I do, but I have to respect his choices." Elena said with a little sigh and got up.

Suddenly they heard familiar voices coming from the disance. It was Rebekah arguing with Kol about him taking her supply of blood.

"Lable it then Rebekah's blood bag and maybe I won't touch it. Anyway, I hate cold blood!" Kol shot back at his sister.

"Why should I lable it- you should learn not to drink everything up and only think about number one-Kol!! Ugh, I wish I had that white oak ash dagger at times."

"And hello to you!" Elijah said as he opened the door for them.

"What brings you here?"

"May we not call on our brother?!" Rebekah said eyes still blazing angrily at Kol. "Of course you may. Still, has it occured to you that it might be best that you two get separate accomodation!" Elijah suggested.

"That is one reason why I came to see you," Rebekah said, "Stefan and I decided to leave MF! And I am hosting a farewell dinner-party! You are invited."

"Where are you going?" Elena enquired surprised to hear it as Stefan hadn't mentioned anything to her when they spoke earlier.

"England. We liked it there." Rebekah explained. "And you two are staying here for a guess?"

"For a little while longer." Elijah replied. Elena just added that she hadn’t decided what to do.

 It's time to dump this place!" Kol concluded.

"And where are you again?" Elena asked.

"Sophie's in New York. I will try to win her precious heart back"

"Good luck with that!" Elena remarked.

"She says she can't be with a vampire, but her goodbye kiss told me something entirely different!" Kol said.

"Keep telling yourself that" Rebekah turned to her brother still furious about the empty fridge she had encountered as she got up that morning.

To sway them from more bickering, Elijah changed the subject to the dinner party.

Elena's phone rang and she answered it. Bonnie wanted to meet her. "I will see you later." Elena said to them and left.

🍀

At the Grill

"Matt left, ha?!" Bonnie said.

"Everyone's leaving." Elena then told her about Stefan, Rebekah and Kol, as well as the dinner party.

"Dinner-party with the Original family?!" Bonnie then said still not being able to process the great gap of a year she had missed being locked away in the spirit world by the Hunding witches.

"It will be fine. They are already back on with the  bickering and I left Elijah to deal with them." Elena said.

"I will need loads of time to get used to it all.” Bonnie cocked an eyebrow and then got a chart out of her bag. “I found it among her Gram's books as I was trying to declutter. Read this!"

"Nova Scotia?!" Elena said as she took the map her witch friend handed it to her.

"Yes. Look at the name." Bonnie urged her friend to read on.

"Gwyn Mikaelson!" Elena read in the name written in runes and then looked at Bonnie amazed."This is weird. I don't get it?! There is another Mikaelson?!"

"I don't know what it is, but I guess one battle done, another mystery on horizon!" Bonnie said.

"One thing is for sure. It is never ends with the Mikaelson mysteries!" Elena said."can I take this?!"

"Be my guest. One thing is for sure, there is always something going on with the Mikaelsons!"

"Oh, yeah! New adventure here we come!" Elena exclaimed softly. Packing up the map and the books in the bags, they got up.

As the doppelganger got  into the car, she pressed Elijah's speedial number.

❤

Hours later

Elijah, Kol and Rebekah, together with Elena, Stefan and Bonnie examined the map. They had Sophie Deveraux on loudspeaker.

"Gwyn Mikaelson," Rebekah said, 'tell me that she actually didn't die of plague and that this family has even darker secret in its closet!?"

Kol held the map in the hand. "There was nothing else in the Grimoire?" the Orignal said and  looked at Bonnie. "Nothing. Just this map put in it randomly." the witch replied.

"Well, how about we channel the Bennet witch line and try and dig some information out of them?" Sophie inserted.

"Let's."Bonnie said.

"So, when are you arriving in Mystic Falls?" Kol asked and everyone looked at him as the question was directed to Sophie.

"Not just yet. My witchy instincts are telling me I will see you in Nova Scotia?! Ok, you guys, I have to go now, but keep me posted." Sophie said and hung up.

Everyone could see that Kol was slightly hurt and peeved off and now moved away from the table. He tried to keep his emotions in check and not let disappointment burst into anger. Rebekah wanted to follow him, but Elijah suggested she let him be.

"So, that's it for now?!" Elena said getting up from the round table."or shall we get packing like Sophie suggested."

"I would pack, "Stefan said looking at Rebekah "I guess we are going to postpone England?!"

"Right. And I just hope it doesn't involve digging old witches up and some weird werewolves.

How come Eilif didn't say anything about Gwyn?"  Rebekah turned to her brother Elijah.

"I find it strange, too," Elijah said pensively,"but she left and it was a goodbye."

"I don't believe in goodbyes in this family. Something always comes up. Anyway, what secret do witches keep regarding our sister?!" Rebekah said taking the map in her hands,"secrets, secrets."

Bonnie now got up."Whatever it was it wasn't good. Ok, I am going to try and channel Grams and see if we can get any answers. See you later."

The witch took her books and went out of the room.

"You don't remember anything about anybody called Gwyn?" Elena directed the question to Elijah.

"Nothing that I can recall.” the Original replied.

"Mother did once say that there was a cousin born out of wedlock," Rebekah said.

”There is another Mikaelson out there - but - father had no brothers. I don’t understand. This does not make any sense.”

"I know."Rebekah uttered.

Elena looked at Elijah somewhat worried, but with great positivity in her voice "We will figure it out"

Elijah smiled a little. Her enthusiasm and optimism was always like the warm sun giving one strength to go on.

*

Flashback for readers

Nova Scotia, 995 AD

Three witches sat down around the small bonfire. They threw three rings into the fire chanting a spell.

"Always and forever" all three witches said in one voice.

Each of them then smeared their blood with sage, rosmary and thyme and threw it into the fire.

"The trinity of the sun, the moon and the earth is now sealed." one of the witches said.

As the fire subsided sometime after. They took the three rings from the ashes and put it on a young woman's body.

"Farewell, dear girl." they said crying, as they put the three herbs entwined on her head as a crown.

******

In New Orleans

"Jeremy...wake up!" Caroline said to poking Jeremy a bit with her finger.

"Ha...what?" the hunter murmured as he woke up looking at the blonde standing beside his bed.

"I told him to let you sleep." Klaus said sitting in one of the chairs by the window.

Jeremy rubbed his face and then his eyes.

"Tell me this is a nightmare...how...aren't you supposed to be locked away in some weird witchy void spirit world?!" Jeremy said referring to Klaus as he sat up.

"He kinda got released due to good behaviour. And I had something to do with it being a heroine for killing a weird-looking werewolf. Anyway, get up. you need to get to Elena and the others. Something weird is happening again. You have to tell them that they need to try and find Sigrid Mikaelson. That's all we know." Caroline said in her ghostly form.

"I thought it was too good to be true that I will have a life and not have to do any of the vampire-ghost relaying messages thing!!"Jeremy moaned.

"We have to go" Klaus said to Caroline.

"I want to stay here a little while longer"  Caroline said to the Original hybrid.

"We have to go, love" Klaus came up to the blonde.

Suddenly Jeremy could feel the surge of magic break.

"Caroline!" he called out, but the pair were gone.

"Great!" Jeremy said taking his phone dialing Elena's number, which went directly to voice mail.

*

Hours later, on the plane to Nova Scotia

Elena opnened her diary and wrote down, "I don't know what date it is anymore. Who cares. Here we are on the plane to Nova Scotia. Only a few months ago we fought off the Hunding werewolf clan, who tried to take over and kill the Original family.

I will not write about Elijah today. Because if I do, it will take pages and pages. It’s so complicated. Idk why. But it is. It’s like - we are friends, and then we are not. Idk what we are. Ugh I got to stop, cuz as I said it would be pages and pages and pages about me and Elijah - I just know that I - want to be with him. But he still has issues with stuff - like Tatia, Antoinette. Etc.

Oh....seems like there is a lot of ohs coming.

There was a lot going on in the last few months. Nothing is the same. And it is ok.

Now we are going to try to figure out if the mysterious map with the name of Gwyn Mikaelson really makes sense and if she is somewhere out there.

It's a new adventure. I must say that I am partly excited. Elijah, Rebekah and Kol are sort of anxious, although they would never admit it. The ancient Original thing being cool and all. We haven't got a clue what we will find, if anything. I just hope we don't dig something that will haunt us. But then again, I think we will. Like Bonnie said- ever since the Originals came into our lives, it is not boring.

I am glad Bonnie is with us, but it is still strange not having Caroline around. I miss her so much. And if there is any truth about her ghost being with Klaus' ghost, then it makes a bit easier to go on.

I don't want to think of my nightmare.

I will keep you up to date, dear diary.

Elena."

[fiery-assassin-arc]

꧁༒☬𝓒𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮 –𝓘𝓻𝓲𝓼’𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥☬༒꧂

He remains still, not wanting to attack. Hands behind his back. Gentle smile. I am still holding the fire poker in my hands, aimed at him. Part of me wants to attack, but he knows I wouldn’t. I was blinded by rage that day.

 He knows I’m haunted by what he did.

 I wonder if he had time to reflect.

 “Put that down, Phoenix.”

“Why are you in my home?” I accuse, taking a step closer, placing it by his chest. “How are you in my home?”

 “I’m the Grandmaster of lock-picking as well as the Lin Kuei.” He explains, raises his eyebrow ever slightly. I should have known. “As for the why,” He looks at the fire poker, me, then at the improv weapon again. “I would like to talk it over with you, if you’re willing to listen to me.”

 I chew the inside of my cheek. Contemplating my options. I could listen to him, or get him out of the house. I never did listen to him that day. Even at the pyre, I stood far away from the others as they mourned. I was angry, but how I had to force his hand to have Frost be buried along with the others… I don’t know if I can forgive him. But I’ve also grown so much with him, he’s helped me slowly overcome my fear of the dark (managed, not completely eradicated).

 I put the fire poker on the rack, and gesture him to the kitchen. “Hungry? I’m sure you’ve had a long journey.” At his shrug of indifference, I make my way to the kitchen, checking to see if he follows.

 Just because I’m angry at him, doesn’t mean I no longer respect him.

 He sits on the bar stool, looking uncomfortable as I grab ingredients for colcannon. Potatoes, kale, butter, heavy cream. His cold is familiar I clear my throat, hoping it could ease the tension here. “How are things?”

 “The temple has slowly come back to normal. Some new recruits have joined.” He tells me, looks at how I cut the potatoes. Even, use the knife to peel the skin carefully. “Some of the other members miss you, Phoenix. I have missed you.”

 The knife slams down on the cutting board, remembering the name I gave myself.  It was the rebirth from the ashes. But now I am ash, nothing to spark me. “I don’t know if I can come back stronger like last time.” I say to him. I continue cooking. Boiling the potatoes.

 “I have watched you go from a little, barely sparking ember on wood to a forest fire. Destructive, powerful, confident. You have grown in the past five years. Whatever ails you, you will overcome.” There’s pride in his voice, a gentle smile that I haven’t seen in a while.

 “Yeah, but now I’m back to where I started.” I argue, before chopping up the kale. “You never did answer my question on why you’re here.”

 “I know you have taken a leave of absence. Because you are upset with me.” Sub-Zero sighs, and his hands slap his thighs. “On that day, I thought I could possibly disengage her thoughts, put her in temporary rest. But Raiden decided that it was best to eliminate her entirely. And I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him in time, or didn’t say anything to prevent it.”

 I look over at him. His ocean eyes show an amount of regret. I never did look at him that day. All I say was someone who indirectly took something most important from me.

 “You both had such a powerful bond, the same Hanzo and I once had. When she challenged me, I made the choice of exile because I would not, could not kill her; deep down I cared for her like one would a daughter to a father. Same with you.” He sighs, and I pass him the bowl of potatoes, and the masher. He chuckles. “What’s this?”

 “Mashing potatoes is better than hurting yourself. Trust me. Do it.” I offer, leaning on the kitchen counter.  

 “That won’t be left unchecked.” Sub-Zero says, and proceeds to mash the vegetable, continues. “I was angry with her when I found she had allied herself with Sektor. I did not hold her back, she simply needed more guidance, even though she was Chief. And I remember how you were hurt by my choices, yet you remained loyal. Why?”

 Why. That’s what it all boils down to, does it? Everyone has a why, but do I? I sigh, crack my knuckles. “I did what I thought was right that day. I argued with her earlier that it was foolish to do so, but she didn’t push me to join her.” I look into the bowl of potatoes—looks good enough. But he’s still mashing them in a clockwise motion. “I trusted your judgment, in the end. And I believed, maybe, maybe she’d come back to us.” To me.

 “I remember you told me Frost didn’t cyberize you. She set you free.”  

 “She did. But we fought before that. I don’t know what provoked her, but I noticed her movements…” Sub-Zero pushes the bowl to me, and I prepare the rest of the dish. Adding butter, cream. “It was if she held some sort of restraint. Not completely, but enough to overpower, and get a chance to escape. It was before you and Master Hasashi arrived.” I add salt and pepper. “I think then, she still protected me.” Toss in the kale. Get some bowls for us.

 “At least there were still parts of her that were human. Her love for you never left her even when she changed.” He reaches a hand over, hesitant. I slowly take it, embrace the chill. “I hope what I said is enough for closure.”

 I feel a lump in my throat, unable to melt with the heat, and I feel tears burn my eyes. Second time today. It’s nice to hear how he really felt that day.

 “It’s a start, but it doesn’t mean I’ll forgive you right away. I may need time.”  

 “That is something I will accept, Phoe—Iris.” He sends me a crooked smile. It’s a comfort to me.  “And know, you will always have a home at the temple.”

 “And you have a place to stay at the palace,” I offer. “But why do I sense there’s something else…”

 Sub-Zero presses his lips into a thin line. “What you said earlier. About cooking is better than hurting yourself. The way you held the fire poker, I notice a look in your eyes: fear.” When I eat as a distraction, he goes on. “Something happened to you, did it?”

 I swallow, my food suddenly bland in my mouth. “Grandmaster . . .”

 Sub-Zero takes a deep breath, gently pats my shoulder. “I won’t make you tell me, but when you get the chance, you know I’ll be lending an ear.”

 I nod. “I appreciate it. You should eat your colcannon, it’s going to get cold.”

 “I’m sorry—my what?”

 “Colcannon. It’s potatoes with a green vegetable in it. It’s really good.” I gesture to his bowl.  “Try some.”

 “I guess I will indulge.”  Sub-Zero takes a spoonful of the dish, his mouth twisting into a frown. “It’s . . . good.”

 “Do you not like the food or my cooking?”

 “Erm..”

 “You’re a shit liar, Grandmaster Sub-Zero.” At that, we both chuckle softly, the fireplace our music as we try to reform a bond like a lost father and daughter.

 This is something. Not like therapy. Or maybe it is. Because a slight weight is off of my chest.

  Bend the knee. Lift the leg, Stretch. Repeat until it does something.  My pointe shoes are almost ruined, the dirt under the padding and blood seeping at the toe. But it shows dedication, it shows my determination.

 I landed the role of the Black Swan, and I’m doing my best to make my moveset more . . . seductive. I would have once gone for the White Swan, but shockingly enough I landed a role that was new to me. I’ll take it.

 I walk to the center of the room, and start the dance, Christian screeching words of encouragement with Wren watching. I made one of my rooms a makeshift ballet studio. “Thanks buddy.” I say softly.

 “How does it feel being the Black Swan instead one of the little swans?”

 “It feels great.” I say, doing a pirouette. “It was fun being the cute swan, but now, being kind of like the bad guy, I’m enjoying it.”

 Wren smiles, and lightly coughs into her hand. That’s the second time today.  And earlier this morning at brunch. “Let’s hope you won’t become like that ballerina in that movie. Don’t overwork yourself, and don’t stress.” Wren reassures me, shaking off an invisible feeling.

 “Do you want some tea? You’re acting like you have a cold.” I stop my practice, and lean against the bar. “Please don’t tell me you caught a cold.”

 She scoffs. “What are you worried about? You don’t get sick.”

 “Not often. But it’s annoying when the symptoms pop up. I’ll get chills instead of fevers.” I shudder, before redirecting our conversation back. “But you’ve been warm. Your temperature is higher.”

 “Maybe I am catching a cold.” I take a step back in fear. She scratches her head. “Or the flu. I’ve been a little nauseated.”

 “Have you? For how long?”

 “A few days.” Wren sighs. “I’m pretty sure it’s nothing. Now, you’ve made me your ballet coach. So I say we keep going. Come on, show me . . . something alluring.”

 I laugh,  turn the music back on. I arch my back, my hand floating above my head, spinning on my toes. I make my movements fluid, but sharp. As I look at  Wren, I notice how she almost looked a little tired than usual.

 Ever since the marriage between her and my brother, Wren has been like a big sister to me, making me laugh and giving me advice, especially when it came to dating. Being myself. But how can I, now? When I no longer know myself?

  I spin in a flurry, going at least five times. Stopping once and going once again. Looking at the mirrors. Then I see her.

 Someone who died years ago.

 The vibrant red hair. The ember eyes, red from angry tears. A bruise under her eye. Blood on her lip. The dress she’s wearing is black. Darkened by obvious stains.

 It’s a younger version of me.

I trip my spin and fall on the ground, pain radiating up my leg. My breathing is fast. My heart hurts. What the—why am I seeing a young version of me?

 Christian screeches in worry and flies over to me. His head touches my cheek. “I’m okay, boy.” I tell him. Wren looks at me with concern, helping me up. “No, really I’m fine. Let’s keep going, yeah?”

 “…Are you sure? That was a nasty fall.”

 “I’m sure. And turn up the music louder.” I say, and practice on the other side of the room. Making sure not to look at any mirrors.

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Part Thirty-Eight

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum​

A/N: Trigger warnings for eating disorders and referenced drug overdose from previous chapter

Ash climbed out of his car, tired and sore while he once again found his way up to Amara's apartment. The door was still not there, and he had the feeling she wasn't going to bother replacing it any time soon, either.

Amara was mechanically cleaning up the ashes left of her counter and food. He leaned against the doorway, arms folded while he watched her for a bit. "We talked to Lev," he said, by way of greeting.

She looked up at him, seeming upset. "Did he see the whole thing?"

"Which whole thing?" he asked. "The argument or Nik overdosing on demonic drugs?"

"Nik. If Lev had been here, I would have felt him. That, and you would have said something. You're not one to keep your opinions to yourself. If you were you wouldn't be in my apartment right now."

"You already know my opinions," Ash said, tiredly. "And I'm not going to keep talking about them at you when you listen about as well as a box of rocks. I just figured I'd let you know you're darling selfless cousin asked a nineteen year old to stay dead. If I hadn't managed to fix it, he probably would have stayed dead. Lev had- he didn't think I'd save Nik. Since I couldn't save him."

Amara might have had a snippy comeback, but she already looked as tired as he felt, and when he brought up what Lev had done, her mouth snapped shut. "He what?" She asked, setting the broom aside. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know, Amara," Ash said, palming his eyes. "Why does anyone do anything? You said you wanted him to be selfish, but I'm guessing you didn't think it would be like this. I can deal with a lot of shit, but all of this is draining the damned life out of me." He shoved his sleeves up, and showed her his bruise ridden arms. "Literally."

Amara's gaze drifted to his arms, and her face tightened. For the longest moment she was quiet. Eventually, she said in a low voice, "Will bringing him back kill you?" She asked. "Don't fuck with me Ash. Be honest."

Ash sighed irritably, forcing his sleeves back down his arms. "You make it sound like I actually know the answer. All I fucking know is that I feel like I swallowed a shit ton of acid and like my insides are being shredded apart. But I'm not. Dying. I don't think."

With a sigh, Amara grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the couch. "Listen," she said, shoving him down onto the lumpy surface whether he liked it or not, "I'm- I'm not going to promise that I'm gonna stop. But. I need to think on this. Sleep on it, if I'm being honest. I need to talk to Cyrus. I know he has some restrictions or stipulations or something, I don't fucking know. And I need to talk to Cameron. And Nik. This is- it's not what I expected from Lev."

Oh, well I could have seen it coming, Ash thought bitterly.

Ash dropped his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. "Do whatever you want," Ash said, tiredly. "It's not like I can stop you short of killing you. And even I won't do that. Even if you make it tempting sometimes," he muttered. "Just. Remember your actions will have consequences too, Mar. Succeed or don't, you've already made your bed."

"I know. I haven't forgotten. I'll deal with it." She dropped her head on his shoulder, and then sighed loudly. "Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I'm still friends with you." The words were obviously meant to be teasing but they fell very flat.

"Mm. Sometimes I wonder that too," he said. "Unfortunately we're stuck with each other."

"Yikes," Amara replied dryly. "At least it sucks for you too." She waited a bit, and then, "If you want to take a nap, I've got an open bed now. Renee's graduation present from Raziel was her own apartment. That's where she and Cin are. Cin didn't want her grieving alone."

"Can't," Ash said. "Need to go check on Nik. And my mate," he added, too tired for it to be pointed. "Besides I'm not too sure that it'll even work for me to sleep. My sleep's been nearly nonexistent for days. And it's not like I can get black out drunk to help. Either."

"I mean, I could see if my witch could whip a spell for you, but- wait, isn't you mate a witch, too?" she asked.

"Mm. And your witch wonders why I know so much about witches. It's not like I just pulled random facts out of my ass," he said. "She said she couldn't do anything, anyway. Unless I were to just yank all my magic."

"For better or for worse, this will be over soon either way," She said quietly. "Like I said, I need to talk to Cameron. And Nik."

"Carpool?"

---

When Cameron had gotten Nik back to sleep, and with sentries both outside and inside the godsdamned room, Cameron got into his car and drove to the outskirts of demonic territory where Cyrus and Sorin lived.

He had the car parked and was knocking on the door until Sorin bothered to answer it. "Is something wrong?" he said, warily.

"Something like that," Cameron replied, slipping his hands into his pockets. "I need to speak with your mate. Wake him up."

Sorin grumbled under his breath but turned around to do it. "Go ahead," he muttered. "Make yourself at home."

Cameron made his way to the living area, but didn't sit, instead he looked around carefully, at everything, and waited. When they finally arrived, Cameron said, "I need to speak with Lev. I'll pay whatever you wish."

Cyrus looked confused. "You don't have to pay me anything."

"Oh I really do," Cameron said. He wasn't going to end up in someone else's debt. "What do you want?"

Cyrus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Help fuel the spell so I have enough magic left when the time comes to bring him back."

"Hm. Nothing monetary?"

Cyrus looked around. "Does it look like we're struggling?"

"Does it look like I care?"

"I don't need or want your money. What I want is for you to stop wasting my time. I'm more than happy to help. I've given you my price, take it or leave it."

"Alright," Cameron said, making note of that for later. "Take what you need from me. Let's get this over with because I need to get back as soon as possible." Before Nik decided to do something stupid again.

Cyrus led the way back to his study wordlessly. The desk was messy, even if the bookshelves were perfectly organized. He gave a lingering look to the cork board with scribbles on it, notes for spells, before turning back to Cyrus setting up candles. "Have you done this before?" he asked, mildly.

Cyrus looked up from his spot. "Once or twice, for people who needed closure."

"Hm. Then why didn't you offer it instead of necromancy to Amara?" he asked, mostly curious.

"Mostly because I struck a deal for whatever spell she wanted, and I won't back out of the spell she chose, but also because she's not the type to get closure from conversation. If it hadn't been me, it'd be another witch she'd conned into this. At least I have faith in my abilities and studies to know I have the best chance of getting it right."

He almost considered thinking about something like this for Nik, to just get him through this self destructive cycle he seemed to be on, but something told him that it wouldn't work anyway. He and Amara were too annoyingly similar. "Fair enough," he said. "What do you need from me? Is it blood?"

"No, but I do need to hold your hand."

I'd rather you have the blood, Cameron thought, annoyed.

"Fine."

When Cyrus settled on the floor, he motioned to the spot next to him. Cameron frowned down at the hardwood floor. At least it was a clean hardwood floor. Sighing, Cameron sat down next to him and offered his hand. "Take what you need."

"Let me know if I take too much," Cyrus said, taking his hand.

Cameron didn't bother replying and listened to Cyrus start the spell. Lev showed up seconds later, startled. "Cameron?"

"Levant," Cameron said, mildly.

In a small, guilty voice, Lev said, "They told you?"

"Nik told me enough," he said. "Why don't you fill in the gaps for me. See if he missed something." He knew Nik far too well to know when Nik was keeping something from him, and he was going to get it straight from the horse's mouth if he had to.

Even if he did look guilty about his actions, he managed to not look away. It still didn't sway Cameron, however. "I told him it would be better if we were both dead."

So not just one, or two, but three omegas he had failed.

Cyrus' only reaction had been the sharp tightening of his hold in Cameron's hand.

"Why would you do that if you were going to be brought back," he said, evenly. "Amara has been moving heaven and hell for you."

"I thought it would be easier on both of us," Lev said. "He's been so sad, lately. Amara wouldn't have had to break the laws of nature for me. I wasn't really thinking. I just thought we could wait for you, if you ever did die,."

Ah. So that was what Nik had been keeping from him. "And if I didn't die?" Cameron asked. "What about then?"

"I don't know," Lev said. "I wasn't really thinking it through. I guess I assumed we would just watch over you, like I had been for the last couple of months." He paused for a few moments, and when Cameron didn't say anything, Lev said, "I was being selfish."

"I suppose," Cameron said. "It's not like I'm unaccustomed to being by myself. Five hundred years. What's another five hundred, right?" His voice hadn't risen an inch. He wasn't quite sure what to even say, when any emotion he had on the matter was irrelevant. It was about Nik, not him.

"Cameron, no," Lev said. "That's not right, and that's not okay. Nik needs you, and you need him. You shouldn't have to be alone. I had no right to try to take Nik from you."

"Don't you?"

"No, I don't," Lev said, calmly enough Cameron lifted a brow.

"No tears this time?"

Lev gave him a tired smile. "Ghosts can't cry. It's been awful."

"Oh, I'm sure," Cameron said. "I can't imagine how taxing that must be. Did you say anything else to Nik?"

Lev shook his head. "Just that I missed him, and I was trying to get you to eat."

Cameron dismissed the second half of that sentence. "There anything else I should know?" he asked, mildly.

"Destris has been messing with Nik," Lev said.

"How so?" Cameron said, sharply.

"He tried using your face, and I think a few others. That's when Nik used the drugs."

Cameron sighed internally. He was going to have to figure out what dealer was idiotic enough to sell his omega drugs. He'd rip their spinal cord out. However, he might have to move Nik to Bay's house if Destris decided he wasn't done with Cameron.

"Say you're brought back," Cameron said. "What do you think is going to happen? You tried to keep my omega dead, Lev."

Lev looked startled at that. "I don't know," he said, in a small voice. "I guess I assumed you'd both still want me."

"Hm." Cameron hummed, mostly to himself.

When Cameron didn't give him a response, Lev said, "It's okay if you don't. I fucked up, bad."

"Maybe you should figure out a way to fix it, then," Cameron said. "I'm sure if you asked Nik, he would tell you just how little words mean to me. Nik already has his promise if he even tries to think about doing something like this again. Consider this your promise, too."

"I don't know how I'm going to fix this," Lev said. "But I'm not going to be hanging around the house anymore."

"Alright," Cameron said.

"I was trying to help, but I think I made things worse."

"Anything else?" he asked, mildly.

"Do you have to go now?"

Even if Cameron didn't need to check on Nik, he could feel static in his head. He wasn't sure how long he could keep up the connection, anyways. "Yes."

"I miss you. Please take care of yourself."

"Stay out of trouble, and maybe I will."

When Lev only looked at him sadly, Cameron pulled his hand from Cyrus, and was annoyed to find that Lev was still there- that Cyrus didn't have to hold his hand this whole damn time. He could have been standing.

Cyrus looked at Lev. "I want to have a conversation with you later. You're not in trouble- with me. But we need to have a discussion."

Lev had only given Cyrus a nod, before the connection fizzled out.

Cameron got himself up to his feet, and straightened his shirt. "I'll wire you the money," he said, dismissively and turned around to leave.

"I'll just send them to angel charities," Cyrus said, after him. "And I'll put them in your name."

Cameron ignored him and left.

---

Nik looked pathetic. He barely seemed awake, so Amara just kicked off her shoes and climbed up beside him. "Hey, dickhead."

Nik didn't say anything. She could feel Ash watching them from the doorway.

"You too out of it or are you being a dick?"

Nik turned to face her with a grunt.

"I hear you went a little too hard on the drugs. What, I didn't want any, you had to take them all yourself?" She reached over, running her fingers through his hair to soften her teasing words.

Nik pressed his face against her palm. "Something like that."

"Well. Don't do it again. You look like shit."

He sighed. "What do you want?"

"To talk to you," Amara said, flopping onto her back. "Ash told me what happened."

Nik waited a few seconds. "I wanted to stay."

"Here or there?" Amara asked quietly.

After wiping his face, he said, "There."

"Are you kidding me." Amara rolled over. "You have no idea- I'm trying-"

"Amara," Ash said sharply from the doorway.

"Does this look like my joking face?"

"I'm bringing him back, Nikolas."

"That's not funny," he said.

"I'm not joking." Amara sat up, knowing if she looked over at Ash, he'd be glaring daggers. "Stop pulling thw stupid shit, okay? I'm trying to fix it. It'd be real worthless if you ended up just switching places."

Nik didn't say anything for a good long while, thinking over her words and watching her blankly. "'Fix it?' Mar, he's not your piece of shit motorcycle. You can't fix the dead. What if you break him even more?" His voice was smaller than he probably wanted.

"Stars, Nik. You saying you want me to stop? I stumbled across the most ethical witch on this side of hell. He wont do a damn thing unlesss he can promise Lev's not gonna be a fuckin zombie. And he won't do it unless Lev wants. I've got everyone fighting me on this, and I'm pretty sure Ash is gonna kill me when you and I are done talking, don't tell me you're going to tell me to not, too."

"I don't want anything," he said tiredly. "Just to stop thinking for a while."

"Too fucking bad," Amara snapped. "I'd love to stop too, and you know what, when we get Lev back you and I can go on the longest fucking weekend, but damn it, Nik. You're worrying everyone."

"Even you?" he asked, dryly. Nik doubled over coughing and grimaced. Ash immediately moved from the doorway and checked on him.

"You need to be sitting up," Ash said, moving to drag Nik into a sitting position. "Your ribs are still broken." Nik grimaced at him, but Ash gripped his chin and forced him to look up. "You going to be good?"

"Mm. Cam said I had no choice but to behave, so yes," Nik bit out.

Ash patted his face. "At least he's useful for something."

Amara watched them silently, tracking Nik's every move. Eventually she said, "Cameron knows I'm bringing him back."

Ash leaned over and popped her on the back of the head. "Do you never learn when to keep your big mouth shut?"

"I don't lie to Nik. He knows that." An underhanded blow, sure, but Amara felt like she'd earned it.

"That wasn't a lie," Ash countered.

"No, but I'm done not telling the truth. Only reason I didn't before was because Nik's an asshole, and then he was a bigger asshole, and I'm a petty bitch."

"Clearly," Ash deadpanned. "And apparently I'm playing nursemaid with both of you idiots."

"Will you both shut up," Nik grunted, hunched over to rub his temples.

Ash shoved him back with a palm to his forehead. "Did I stutter," he snapped. "You're going to make it worse. And I'm not going to heal you a second time for being a bigger idiot than you already are."

Amara settled next to Nik, tipping her head back. "Shits fucked," she said quietly. "And we're all sitting around bickering and puffing up like that helps anything."

---

Unsurprisingly Cameron found three idiots in his bedroom. He leaned against the bedroom door. "Hasn't stopped you before," Cameron said, dryly. "If you want to do something useful then get in the kitchen."

Nik looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and gold. Cameron held his gaze, with a quiet challenge to argue with him on it, but in the end Nik buckled and climbed off the bed. With a hiss, Nik staggered a moment before pushing past Cameron down the hall.

"Amara told him that you know about her idiotic plan."

"Don't care," Cameron said. "Either get in the kitchen for food or get out of my house."

Amara wisely took the former option without opening her mouth and followed after Nik. Ash stopped at the doorway, watching him unnervingly close. "Not that I care," he said, "But are you alright?"

"If you don't care, then why should I answer you?"

"Would you even if I did?" Ash shot back.

"Either get in the kitchen or get out. I don't have the time to deal with your bleeding heart." Ash's narrowed eyes had the desired effect, especially as he pushed past Cameron and followed the omegas to the kitchen.

Cameron closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let the static fade out before following them. The three of them had gathered on a set of stools at the counter while he went looking for food. He hadn't cooked a meal at the very least since Amara and Cin decided to drop in unannounced.

He ignored Amara and Ash bickering at each other over Nik's head. Nik was unusually quiet and Cameron wasn't sure if he actually liked it or not. At least when he was being irritably vocal, he didn't have to be worried about Nik ending up face down in a ditch somewhere.

Cameron grabbed what he needed and moved over to the counter where he got ready to make dinner. He could feel Ash watching him closely while he cooked, even if his hands had a slight tremor to them.

Cameron moved the vegetables in front of him and started cutting them. He wasn't happy with how he couldn't get them into the straight, crisp lines he usually did and managed to slice deeply into his hand.

Black blood instantly welled, slipping across his hand, staining the vegetables. He moved to wash his hands, but the faint whiteness slamming through his head had Cameron blacking out and crashing to the ground.

He was slowly brought to, head still stuffed full of cotton, even if there were three people sitting in front of him staring down at him, nearly bewildered. Nik looked confused, and was touching Cameron's face. Cameron swatted Nik's hand away. "Get off me."

Nik's face hardened, but it was Ash who said, "Want to tell me you're alright now?"

Cameron looked him dead in the eye. "I'm perfectly fine."

Nik was moving to grab a dishrag for Cameron's hand and went to wrap it tightly. "Here I thought you knew how to use your knives," Nik said.

When Cameron didn't say anything, Amara piped to Ash, "You should have healed him while he was knocked out."

"I'll remember that for next time Cameron decides to faint in front of me." Ash said.

Cameron pushed Nik back so he could stand. He frowned at the blood now all over his floor and his clothes. The sharp black fading in and out of his vision didn't help the matter either and he decided to move to finish washing his hands so he could cook.

"Hey, we're not done with this," Nik said.

"Yes we are," Cameron said, moving back to the counter to clean up the mess. "I'll have to start over."

"Stars, eat something first," Amara was saying. "You look like the world's first scarecrow snowman. You're almost as thin as Lev was like six months ago."

Nik went still and he looked back at Cameron who was ignoring the three of them.

"Sit down. I'll get your food ready after I get this cleaned up," Cameron said, moving the vegetables to the trash and moving to get more from the fridge.

"Cameron." Nik said. When Cameron didn't answer him, Nik appeared in front of him, slamming the fridge door shut. "Will you eat something?"

"I'll eat after I finish cooking you food. Sit down." He needed to get their damn food on their own plates before he could sit down. When Nik didn't do as told, Cameron grabbed his forearm. "Sit. Down."

"Nik," Amara said, from the counter.

Nik glared up at him. "Will you at least let Ash heal your hand."

"No," Cameron said. Why did he have to keep repeating himself to these angels when he did not want any godsdamned healers touching him? "Sit down before I sit you down myself."

"Nik," Ash said, sharply. "Do it."

Nik cut Ash a glare before looking back at Cameron. "Fine. Then let go of my arm."

Cameron let him go and watched Nik go plant himself down between Ash and Amara, glaring down at the countertop. Cameron went back to getting the fresh vegetables and going back to clean them. He was slower, trying to steady his hands more while he cleaned since one of them was bound, but at least he managed to get the vegetables cooking and the meat started.

The kitchen was dead silent except for the sounds of Cameron's cooking until Amara leaned over to Nik. "Do you want help touching up your hair?"

"What- my hair?" Nik asked, almost startled. "Oh, fuck. My hair."

"TDon't worry honey, it's fixable."

Nik grumbled under his breath. "Yeah, okay. I guess."

Ash said, "Better get the whole treatment. You look like a homeless nineteen year old junkie."

"Fuck you."

"Ladies," Amara said. "One of you have broken ribs.:"

"Okay? And?" Nik said. "Are you suggesting I'm too delicate to fuck."

"Right now? Yes. You are," Amara said.

Nik glared at her, but Ash said, "She's right- for once in her life."

"I've been right one other time in my life," Amara said, grinning at Ash. "Right when I found your prostate."

Cameron slammed her plate down in front of her. "One more word and I will cut your tongue out and feed it to you. Eat."

Amara gave him an irritatingly chipper salute and did as told. Cameron gave Nik and Ash their own food before sitting across from them. He waited, watching all three of them start to eat before beginning to eat, himself.

---

Lev stared at the clouds swirling slowly overhead. He hadn't wanted to go back to his house; there was nothing there for him. Going to Cameron's was out of the question. Being at Bay and Nate's was uncomfortable as all get out. Amara wasn't home, so Lev found himself beside a tree he only visited once a year, usually.

He didn't hear Darius approach, but he didn't jump either, when Darius laid down next to him. Lev looked over at him, watched him cross his ankles and tuck his hands behind his head as he stared up at the sky. Eventually Lev looked up again too.

"I know I was wrong." Lev let out a small breath before continuing. "And I'm sorry. I hurt Nik, but- I know that would have hurt Cameron, and by extension, you. You watched him for five hundred years."

Darius thought for a long time, not saying a word. Lev tried his best not to fidget. In the end, Darius said quietly, "Yes it would."

"You watched him for five hundred years," Lev repeated. "He never knew you were there, Or he didn't want to admit it, and you- you were unobtrusive enough he could ignore that. I didn't make it three months." He paused, mulling over what had been on the mind for the past several hours. "I wonder, maybe, if it'd be best that you come back. Not me."

Darius slowly looked at Lev. Lev was able to pretend not to notice until Darius sat up, looking down at him. "What are you talking about?"

Lev watched Darius carefully. "You're kind, and thoughtful. Cameron needs someone, and so does Nik, but I'm not-" He paused again, frustrated at how hard it was to phrase things properly. "I don't say this to sound pathetic. I'm serious. You're a good person, and you're good at- at being logical and empathetic at the same time. I'm over a century old, or I was, but- I'm not acting like it. I know I'm not good at being an adult. I don't try to. As much good it would do for me to be back, what if I do more harm?"

Darius seemed a little startled by those words, but still he didn't say anything for a good while. "This'll be your chance to be one," Darius finally said. "To learn. Grow. Be who you are supposed to be. This is meant to be your second chance, don't give it up because you feel guilty."

A small sigh escaped Lev. "You deserve one too," he said softly. After a moment, he sat up, and reached for Darius' hand hesitantly. Darius was just as hesitant at letting him take it. Lev swiped his thumb over the back of Darius' hand. "I still want it. But all of a sudden there's a huge mess to take care of when I get back, and I'm not sure how to fix it. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that, once again, you're on your own if I go." To Lev's relief, when Lev stopped to gather his thoughts again, Darius let him in silence. "But turning it down and deflecting to you again is another form of running away, isn't it?" Lev finally asked quietly.

Darius' eyes looked thoughtful. "I do," he said. "But they chose you. And trying to hide behind me and my desires will not fix your own problems. Even if you stay dead, haunting those you love, you will be haunted by your own inactions."

Lev tapped his thumb against Darius' skin. "I'm scared," Lev finally said. "And beyond that... I don't know what to do. To- to fix what i did. If i even can. I just- Nik doesn't do apologies. Cameron wants action." He didn't look away, felt like it would be unfair. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think that's a question you have to answer yourself." He laid back down, though he didn't let go of Lev's hand.

After a long moment, Lev laid back himself, staring up at the sky. "I guess I should have known that," he said quietly. He gave it a few minutes, and then, "I'm glad I met you."

"I'm glad I met you too," Darius said quietly. "It's been lonely."

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @caelisis

[shabre-legacy]

Looking Back

Tyrenic stepped away from the SIS agent and stared out at the Mantellian skyline. He hadn’t been here in so  long. The memories were crashing against the feelings of the planet. The pain, and fear and hate and suffering that were part of the landscape for any Jedi in a war zone was everywhere. It hadn’t always been this way. That was part of what made it so painful, he could remember when this planet had felt warm and safe. When he couldn’t sense everything the people suffered here. 

Shelerik and T7 were next to him, Shelerik had been waiting when he’d returned from the imperial stronghold. The agent said he’d been waiting there for awhile, led a few rattled soldiers through a meditation and sent them to their missions calmed and focused. Hopefully, it would help them. 

He felt a strong hand land on his shoulder as he stared, lost in his memories. He needed to do this. It had haunted him for too long and Force knows how long it would be until he could make it back to the planet. He heard T7 chirp next to him. The droid had become a trusted member of his team, maybe even a friend.  “Head back to the ship, get Kira and prepare to head out. I’m sure the general has more that we need to accomplish urgently. I have some things to take care of, I’ll be there soon.” 

T7 let out a quick and quiet stream of binary. “Jedi sure? Jedi - T7=safe?”

 Nic looked down at him. “I’m sure T7. I’ll be fine, I just have some personal business to take care of.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shelerik kneel down and place a hand on T7 “Please go on ahead. Find Kira. I need to talk to Knight Shabre for a moment. I’ll be along soon. Wait at the ship please.” Shelerik smoothly rose to his feet as the astromech chirped his agreement and rolled away toward the spaceport. Nic was always impressed by how easily Shel could move his bulk. He was tall and broad and seemed like he shouldn’t be able to move with the grace he did and it was always interesting to see how he interacted with much smaller beings like T7 or like Kira.

 He hadn’t missed the way Shelerik seemed to look a bit longer than necessary or spend a bit more time than he might normally talking to her. He was careful though, they were Jedi and though there were few years between them in age, Shelerik was a Knight and Kira still a padawan. Shel seemed aware of that and was keeping a proper distance, though a little chat between them couldn’t hurt.

 It was also interesting how around T7 and Kira and others, they were still so formal. often referring to each other as Knight Shabre or Knight Coro, occasionally shifting to Knight Tyrenic and Knight Shelerik instead. It helped to differentiate between on duty and off duty time. Not that there was much of an off duty time. You were always a Jedi, whether actively engaged in the duties and business of the order or not. And, ok, maybe they were still kind of proud of finally passing their trials.

Another set of fighters streaking across the sky drew his attention back to the present. 

“You’re going back there, aren’t you?” Shel had stepped next to him barely noticed and spoken in Mirialan. It was a bit of a surprise. Both were fluent in it, but like many of the order they spoke either pure basic, or basic mixed with what remnants of Dai Bendu they still had, the majority of the time. It was rare for them to speak Mirialan unless they were with other Mirialans. It wasn’t their first language after all. Tyrenic learned basic first and Shel had told him that his first few words had been in High Sith, before learning basic at the temple. Mirialan did give them at least slightly more privacy then they otherwise might have had though, and that was appreciated, if a bit more awkward. No one would stare though. Their people were known to be a bit private and Jedi were as well. He could speak freely.

He sighed again. “I have to, Shel. I need to face it.”

Shel gently pulled at his arm ‘til he faced him. “It was not your fault. You were a child. You were not there. It is not a failure of yours. You need to let go. Remember our code.” 

Tyrenic nodded “There is no emotion, there is peace. I know Shel. But I can’t let it go. I’ve been trying. It’s the only part of my past I haven’t faced. My sisters died there, my mother almost died there. The only reason I didn’t was because Knight Riqr took me away three days before the attack. I have to go to Krosstoen. I need to face it as much as I needed to face the Coruscant Temple.” 

This time Shel sighed. “You’re not going to change your mind, are you?”

He shook his head. He needed this closure. 

“Alright then Nic, lead the way.”

“Wait, what, you’re not coming. I didn’t ask you to..?”

“Tyrenic, you are not only my brother in the order, but one of my oldest friends. You don’t have to face this alone. Also it’s not safe to travel alone, even for a Jedi as good as you and I know you don’t want Kira seeing you break down and sob and scream... AGAIN. You’re supposed to being a good example after all.”

That almost got a laugh. “And I want you to see that?”

“I saw you after Coruscant and Leshlaa got reassigned. I know how ugly your crying is, you can’t impress me anymore.”

“Alright my friend, alright.” Tyrenic was not surprised that his friend chose to visit his childhood home with him, but he was grateful. He stepped over to the speeder droid and arranged for them to head to the mainland. Krosstoen wasn’t a sight of much fighting anymore, so they shouldn’t have too many issues. 

The journey was quick. Krosstoen wasn’t that far from the coast. And the shuttle they were using was very fast. Almost too soon they saw the ruins and, parking the shuttle near the ashes of the front gate, the men climbed out and walked into the small village. 

The buildings were in shambles, doors ripped off hinges, collapsed roofs, some burned completely. There were still bloodstains on some of the stone, even almost 2 decades later. Tyrenic wandered silently, the fear and the pain that was still held in the force here a twisted symphony that he couldn’t block out. The screams so loud, he could almost hear them. The village was small, it had only a few dozen houses, so it didn’t take long to reach the remains of his old house. He stood there staring. Only the door frame and one wall remained standing. A few broken pieces of furniture. The chest that his mother had never allowed them to touch sat open and broken. “This is it. I lived here for years. I think we moved from somewhere else before my sisters were born. I don’t have any memories, only a feeling that we lived somewhere else once.” 

Shelerik nodded “I don’t remember life before the order. I guess there’s a certain age that you start to remember things. The only impression I have of the time before is pain and yelling. You have your mother and your sisters. That sounds like a good start.”

Nic had to smile. They’d compared memories before, but he rarely went into detail. “There were the four of us. I was always trying to help everyone play, Nya would usually follow the rules, if she didn’t then she either stayed so close to them she couldn’t get in trouble or she’d have a good reason. Nat and Kael though. The youngest two were trouble makers. Nat was a bit closer to Nya though, protective and always ready to fight. Leikael, the youngest, was chaos. Always finding something to do that would send the rest of us into a panic, usually dragging Nat with her. I remember one time when some of the bigger kids were picking on one of her friends, she somehow rallied the rest of us and we all got in this massive fight. Half the kids on the street got in on it. We won though. Mom was upset, but also seemed proud. Told us we were risking our place, and everything she’d risked for us. We never did that again that I can remember. “ 

He’d moved over and placed a hand on the doorframe. 

Shelerik laughed at his story and continued watching his back. Shel was the best friend he could ask for, giving him this time. He noticed a small broken frame and picked it up. There behind the broken transparisteel was a flimsiplast portrait of him, his mother and sisters. Taken a few days before he’d gone to train as a Jedi. That was the last fragment of pain he could take and he broke screaming into the mantellian wind as he sobbed. 

Just as in the Jedi Temple, Shelerik stepped to his side and rested a hand on his shoulder and the other on his saber, facing away and letting Tyrenic cry while he kept watch for anyone trying to attack them. 

After a few minutes, Nic started to come to himself. He pulled back and shifting began his meditations. “There is no emotion, there is peace.” He repeated the mantra, the first line of his code over and over slowly. Letting it’s meaning sink into him. This emotion was powerful, but understood. He had an attachment to those he loved, and their lose hurt. ‘There is no death, there is the force.” His sisters were part of the Force now. His mother injured for life. And it was all his fault. 

“There is no emotion. There is peace.” It wasn’t his fault. He’d been seven years old. He’d been in transit to Coruscant. He’d had no training. Even if he’d been here, how could he have helped? He could have done something. Riqr or another Jedi could have done something. They had to have sensed it coming. 

“There is no emotion, there is peace.” Riqr would have believed any prompting of the Force as referring to the war, which would have gone to the bigger cities or the forts. Not a small village in the middle of nowhere. He was not at the time able to do anything. The response had been the best it could be. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his orders fault. His sisters were at peace and his mother had care. Nyaisa was as safe as a soldier could be with her training. 

And as those thoughts settled into his bones. As the repetition revealed no new information and he began to believe himself, he was able to find peace. The pain was still there, he would likely always feel it. And it would always be amplified by being here where the pain of others was so loud. And he still felt some guilt, but he understood it to be nothing more than uncontrolled pain and fear. But he could handle it. The pain and guilt and grief no longer overwhelmed him. It could no longer control him. The teachings he held so tightly too had again served him well. He reached up and squeezed Shel’s hand in thanks before rising to his feet. Folding the flimsiplast, he tucked it into his robes and stepped away from the place that was no longer any kind of home. 

As they moved through the ashes, Tyrenic noticed something gleaming slightly under a broken beam. He stepped over and fished it out, staring at it in confusion. A Mandalorian helmet? What was that doing here? The reports hadn't mentioned any mandalorians, not one. It wasn't a Mandalorian or Imperial attack. And based on what he knew, they'd never leave their helmets behind. If one had been arrested or killed, the reports would have said so. He heard his name and turned to see Shel holding a pauldron, he turned it and there etched into the metal and lingering in traces of paint was the mythasaur skull. Another piece of Mandalorian armor where it was not supposed to be. He took the pauldron and dropped both pieces into the small pack he'd brought with him. "I'll look into this later. Let's get back."

The Jedi took in the ruined town one last time before starting back. They still had a mission, and a Padawan to train, because they were totally ready for that responsibility. It wasn’t like they’d been Padawans themselves very recently. The Sith wouldn’t stop until they destroyed the galaxy, so there wasn’t room for second guessing or delaying a Padawan’s training for a Master’s mission. There was still work to be done and duties to fulfill. They would be ready, no matter what was thrown at them next.

[queerpontmercy]

pick four characters and then roll a d4 for each of these numbers to determine which char to answer for: 1 4 5 6 17 22 24 26 39 27 51 57 60

tumblr did me so dirty but I finally got all of these in one doc, thank you <3 I decided to alternate between my Beam Saber pilots for character #4, so we have Solace “Trash Panda“ Altiora the infiltrator, and Dr. Finch Tandem, the officer/cat herder. Put under a cut because fuck this is so long...

What does Solace typically keep in his pockets?

I rolled a 3 for Leucien, but I already described his pockets, so...Solace is messy and generally keeps a tube of lipstick within easy reach, which means inevitably he’s also got a few tissues stuffed in a pocket from the last time he had to apply blot it. Other than that, he always has at least one knife on him, and that could feasibly be in a pocket. No, he’s not just happy to see you. 

Other than that, you know he’d never tell but honestly? I think he keeps his old prayer beads on his person, despite having left the Cenotaph both physically and spiritually. There’s something grounding about them: something organic in a world full of unforgiving machinery and vastly unknowable AIs, perhaps. It’s still soothing. Shut up. 

4. If Tanith was a work of art, how would you describe her?

This is such an interesting question for Tanith-- the most important bit for her would be that it’s something functional and beautiful, made lovelier still by use. A well-loved sea shanty with lyrics that keep time out on the water, a handsome medicine chest with fanciful carvings of beasts on each wooden panel…oooooh maybe a set of three nesting clay pots/jars! The first one is big and solid, rough gray-green with a fitted lid and decorations like barnacles and limpets, and below that is one with blue and brown glazes, pooling and mixing into each other, and the last (smallest) one is delicate and porcelain, almost opalescent from within where the light hits it, with the most simple, graceful curved shape It’s meant to house something rare and precious. 

5. How does Tanith express she’s comfortable?

She doesn’t like to sit in her emotions or thoughts, and spends a lot of time trying to transmute them into practical action. You’d know she’s comfortable if she let herself be still, taking in the world with quiet acceptance, and told you what was on her mind-- what she saw, or remembered, or was thinking about, without worry, just being. 

6. How does Fen express that they’re uncomfortable?

Fenestra argues about stupid shit-- pedantry in particular is such a refuge. Having a hill to die on helps her feel slightly in control, since feeling powerless is definitely one of the things that makes her most uncomfortable. She’d never admit to it, but it’s also a way to knock Threats down a peg or two. 

17. Does Leucien swear? What’s his favorite phrase/word?

For sure, but since Leu is 3 feet tall, he almost certainly got the “ohhhh i had no idea, you’re so iiiiinnocent~” treatment after saying one (1) fuck word. I was tonight years old when I learned he’s partial to “oh balls,” which is decidedly not one of my (Sketch’s) phrases, but I guess it makes sense intrinsically? Most swear words are either profane, sexual, or insulting/derogatory. Gnomes in this campaign aren’t religious, culturally speaking, and he’s not the kind to start a fight. 

Now that means there’s actually a good chance that he has at least once, in a fit of extreme frustration, blurted out “Aerum’s b--” before very hastily correcting to “face, face, I was gonna say face.”

I’m shocked I have so much to say about this, but...he was an academic, and I also have a strong hunch that he had a terrible little pretentious phase where all his swear words came from Old Gnomish or Dwarvish or oooh, maybe languages his old friend Aza had picked up, but...at this point he reasons it’s better to say the things in Everendian/Common if you want people to know what you’re saying. 

22. What kind of person would Finch never side with?

Finch would never side with a landlord cop bully. Well, definitely not a landlord or cop either. But man, the kind of leader who throws their weight around for the sake of it and intimidates innocent people into carrying out their orders? They really, truly despise ‘em. And leaders who treat the individuals under their wing as pieces of a calculated risk rather than full people. They’d honestly rather die than become that kind of leader. 

24. What’s a controversial food opinion Leucien would have?

Pineapple on pizza is good actually you guys are just mean

Leu thinks the fact that there’s such a thing as “controversial food opinions” is fascinating. He’ll try anything once, so point-blank disregarding something as disgusting feels like snobbery to him. And even badly-cooked food can tell you so much about the people who make it, so and that learning’s a pleasure in and of itself. 

26. What would Tanith want for her funeral?

In Tanith’s culture, dying orcs are dressed in burial clothes, shrouded, and left to make their “final voyage” on their own in quiet contemplation. She would uphold this tradition. Burial and scattering of ashes at sea are common, but I actually think Tanith might want to be buried at the “interfaith” shrine she established on the mainland post-campaign-- Ishka willing, to be its guardian and perhaps, in a way, guide the lost on their journeys after her death. 

She would certainly want her dear friends and party members to speak in her memory at a ceremony, especially Cae and Avris, who saw her through so much. Nothing prepared. Just what comes from the heart in the moment. Perhaps she has also transcribed an old Orcish lullaby for her beloved Anya to play at the end, with the music drifting through the air and quietly dissipating, like sea foam as it hits the shore. 

27. If they were a ghost, how would Solace haunt in the afterlife?

Solace would be such a chaotic asshole ghost but he’d have the time of his (after)life. He already has such a great time being a local cryptid as it is, convincing people that an abandoned amusement park or shopping mall might be haunted. It’d be even worse in death. The thing is, if he was a ghost and knew nothing could hurt him, he’d be even more unsubtle, he’d really want to see the impact of his tricks and shenanigans for once after a lifetime or lurking. 

39. What does Finch believe their party lacks?

Finch knows that their squad has each other’s backs in the practical way-- they’ve seen teammates trauma out or take major damage protecting each other. But they think that what the Intrepid is missing is emotional vulnerability, and it’s important? If we’re not honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with each other? It keeps them up at night sometimes. 

51. What makes Tanith a hypocrite?

She’ll forgive everyone except herself, obviously. Since she was able to get some closure with her ex Kleiya, who didn’t die but was transported to another plane, she hasn’t been nearly as consumed with guilt over who she used to be, but still? She’ll tell someone not to burn out all at once, she’ll tell someone they’re good just as they are, and never believe it herself. :/ 

57. How does the way Leucien acts seemingly contradict his ability scores?

FitD scores don’t translate as well, so...Leu it is! 

He’s got +3 charisma, but he’s the most awkward man in all of existence and can’t be normal for even two seconds. I actually don’t think it’s that contradictory; charisma is a force of personality, after all, and Leu’s got that. He became an object of cult worship in a matter of months, after all...But also I do think he’s got an endearing, bookish, understated charm, and hey, that’s a kind of charisma. D&D often makes charisma out to be the smooth-talking seduction stat, but I really enjoy when it can be more than that.

He’s also got decently high wisdom, but I’ve been playing him with small dog energy. We’ll figure it out, I suppose.

60. Who does Fenestra go to when she needs to bounce ideas off of someone?

Fenestra has a littol greyromantic wtf-is-this crush on Eli, another of the Oracle’s apprentices. :3 They have honed different ways of seeing the future. Fen captures big fragmented portents that don’t make sense until later, whereas Eli is a lot more scrupulous, and tends to focus on details and possibilities, mapping out the pieces of a butterfly effect. They really respect his different way of thinking; it’s been incredibly helpful, and if she were feeling mentally stuck Fen would go to him, no question. He’d listen.