#I got the confirmation email for the interview. YET NO RESPONSE TO MY QUESTION? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

longhaulerbear · 1 year

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/04/18/period-kate-clancy-coronavirus-vaccines-menstruation/

Kate Clancy, a biological anthropologist and professor at the University of Illinois, is the author of “Period: The Real Story of Menstruation,” from which this op-ed is adapted.

One day in early 2021, Katie Lee, a former student of mine who is now a professor at Tulane University, sent a message asking if I’d heard anything about heavier or breakthrough bleeding with the coronavirus vaccines. I hadn’t, and put her message out of my mind. Two weeks later, I received my first dose, and soon afterward I got my period. I bled so heavily that I was swapping out overnight-strength pads every hour.

I decided to tweet out a query: Has anyone else had changes in their periods since receiving the vaccine?

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The response was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced on social media. I was bombarded with similar stories. Within a few hours, Lee and I were furiously messaging each other, and soon we developed a survey seeking to explore further whether coronavirus vaccine side effects might extend to changes in periods.

We expected about 500 people to participate — and ended up with more than 165,000 responses.

Our survey was intended to document participants’ experiences with the early vaccine rollout — to collect these data on the ground, as they emerged — and, as such, our sample was self-selected. But the sheer volume of respondents surprised by heavy and breakthrough bleeding was striking. Changes in menstruation were uncomfortable and often painful, people reported. Strangers described bleeding through their clothes at work. Postmenopausal people were terrified they had cancer.

Yet those who endured menstrual side effects described how family members had laughed off their experiences, and how some medical personnel had been dismissive and rude. One respondent reported bleeding so profusely that she expelled her IUD into the toilet; her doctor didn’t believe her and ordered an ultrasound, which confirmed what this participant had seen: The IUD was no longer in her uterus.

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Journalists who interviewed us spoke with doctors who tended to declare that menstrual changes were from pandemic stress and to suggest that no biological mechanism could link vaccines and menstruation. Much of the coverage of our research foregrounded views that cast us as ridiculous ladies doing ridiculous research.

Yet without our intentions, or our methodologies, the National Institutes of Health might not have been inspired to release funding to support research studying this reported phenomenon, and we wouldn’t have multiple studies and surveys supporting our early findings that the coronavirus vaccines can induce short-term changes to the duration and flow of menstruation.

Here it is important to emphasize: Without a doubt, vaccines save lives; and the coronavirus vaccines reduce severity and the risk of long covid. I continue to advocate for greater access to boosters, and global vaccine equity, alongside measures that reduce transmission, such as masking.

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At the same time, it is medical scientists’ duty to predict, look for and, if found, disclose side effects — and here is where I believe some in the medical community fell short.

We have long known that immune responses can influence menstrual cycles and that vaccines can occasionally affect both inflammation and menstrual bleeding patterns. Yet clinical trials of the coronavirus vaccines did not ask questions about menstruation beyond inquiring about date of last menstrual period at the start of the study, to ensure participants were not pregnant. A participant in one of the trials emailed me to say it took two tries to persuade her trial site to include anything in her chart about her menstrual changes — the first time, they refused on the grounds that she was probably just perimenopausal.

As a feminist anthropologist who studies the stigmatized, I am used to this — but I am weary of it. I am tired of menstruating people being questioned, mistrusted or ignored when they report their lived experiences, especially since not addressing side effects risks turning people away from vaccines.

Women said coronavirus shots affect periods. New study shows they’re right.

There is a better way — something the team in my lab endeavors to engage in — what the anthropologist Anna Tsing calls the “arts of noticing.”

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To explain what she means, Tsing uses the metaphor of polyphonic music: multiple independent melodies played together. To do the work of noticing, she says, we must be willing to step back from the idea that there is one dominant melody — to “listen for the moments of harmony and dissonance they created together.”

How does this apply to, say, a coronavirus vaccine trial? A trial design with more qualitative, open approaches would hear far more melodies. A trial design that considered the multiple systems, such as the reproductive tract, that can be affected by an inflammatory stressor such as a vaccine might not miss multiple refrains. And daily adverse event reporting could last for longer than a week, to give a monthly process such as menstruation time to respond. Noticing allows us to follow multiple threads without allowing one to overshadow — to see variability, subversion and resistance.

Unfortunately, this approach runs counter to the way modern gynecology has been practiced since the middle of the 19th century, when Black and Brown midwives were pushed out and often criminalized. We lost the noticing that comes from experience, in the desire to create an accredited form of “expertise” available mostly to White men. This resulted in just two lines of melody for those who had a uterus: Either you had to be protected at all costs or any symptoms you might report were a figment of your imagination.

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Those limited melodies can be seen in today’s uterine health care. Half the time, there is hand-wringing over fertility (fears of its being reduced if you are White or of having too much of it if you are not), and the other half, there is minimizing of one’s intimate physical experiences as overblown — as happened with reported responses to coronavirus vaccines.

Anyone who menstruates will bleed a lot, for much of their lives — and changes in menstruation are notable, meaningful and worthy of study. Lee and I did the work of noticing what happened after we got the coronavirus vaccines because we have bodies that menstruate and have scientific knowledge of menstruation. But that noticing also came from adopting a feminist practice and sense of responsibility to acknowledge what some were obstinately refusing to.

Menstrual changes matter to millions of people, and pharmaceutical companies, medical professionals and politicians need to invest in research and provide incentives for redesigning research so that it accommodates menstruation.

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Transparency about the experiences of menstruating people is also needed if scientists and clinicians want to earn public trust: What do we notice when we relax the desire to control uteruses and instead respect their complexity? When we listen to what people with uteruses are experiencing?

Medical treatments and vaccine trials — for coronavirus and other maladies — will continue to disserve those bodily systems about which they ask no questions. We deserve better than to be surprised when a new treatment makes us bleed on our office chair.

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onlysarah235678 · 4 years

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A Little Bit Part 3

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: So damn…this happened fast. I don’t really know what to say. Other than I’m obsessed with Billie Dean. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This part has a lot more Billie in it so hopefully that’s a plus. ❤️

Warnings: Brief mention of death. Otherwise, the normal gay panic and kitten cuteness.

When Billie Dean realized that Bit wasn’t going to take care of Mickey beyond occasionally feeding him, she took it upon herself to keep him warm. She’d sent you an update a while ago, but hadn’t heard back, so she was keeping Mickey with her at all times.

She still had things to do today, so she’d changed into more comfortable clothes, she’d had to dig around her closet for a while to find something appropriate for carting Mickey around. She’d eventually settled on a hoodie she hadn’t remembered keeping and made her way downstairs to work some more with Mickey wrapped in a smaller blanket, in her pocket. It wasn’t ideal and she’d have to take him back up at some point to try and nurse more, but for now she had to figure out what her week was going to look like.

She had talked to her assistant, Michelle, about finding a more suitable pet sitter. She needed them to take care of Mickey like she was now. It was a pain, but she needed to find someone who would actually do it. She was willing to pay however much she needed to until he was out of the woods. Hopefully that wouldn’t be too long, but finding someone meant she could focus on work again.

She had just finished 2 months of filming in Europe for her show. She was tired and glad to be home. Luckily now that things had been finished up last week, she would have more free time. Still, she had a lot of promotional things to do such as interviews and she might have to rerecord some things. Honestly a lot of her responsibilities at this point just involved making decisions. That could mostly be done from home.

Most of it could be done by her assistant, but Billie was keeping Michelle busy with finding her a pet sitter. For this reason, she sat down in front of her computer and answered more emails than she had in a while. She sighed in relief when she was done and reached for a cigarette without thinking. It was already in her mouth when she looked down to Mickey who was sleeping in her pocket. She sighed in defeat before putting it down so she could check on him. He looked comfy so she didn’t want to bother him now. It had only been about an hour, but it was almost dinner time.

When Billie realized this, she reached for her phone to check and see if you responded. It had been a while and she wondered what you were up to. She really had no idea what you did in your free time, outside of watching movies.

Billie scrolled through her unread texts before she saw one from you that must have come in while she was on the phone earlier. She frowned at your first message because it confirmed what she feared. If Bit didn’t want to take care of Mickey that could mean that she might have to bottle feed him. That sounded like a giant pain. She decided not to worry about that until she had to.

The second message made her curious. She wondered who Milo was. Maybe a boyfriend? She disregarded the thought quickly because she was pretty sure that you were single. She had a feeling you wouldn’t have flirted with her, let alone asked her out without mentioning that you were dating someone.

Billie hadn’t been subtle when they’d met. She had been flirting and Y/N had flirted back. You didn’t strike her as the dense type, you were clearly smart, but she supposed she couldn’t know for sure. At least not until Saturday.

She considered the place they’d chosen for lunch. It was closer to her than the vet’s office which she was grateful for. She also knew that it wouldn’t really have mattered. She was eager to see you again, so much so that it should be embarrassing. She couldn’t really explain it. She just wanted to see what happened between you two.

Billie’s attention was pulled from her phone when Mickey shifted slightly in her pocket. She decided it was time to check on the other kittens, so she texted you back quickly before heading upstairs yet again.

Not a problem. Did you and Milo have a good time?

Milo was asleep on the couch when this text reached you and you laughed out loud as you looked to see how he was positioned. The dog was curled up on top of one of the throw pillows that was way too small for all of him to fit on. That said, the rest of him was slung over the armrest in what looked like the most uncomfortable position ever. You rolled your eyes before snapping a picture and sending it to Billie.

We did. He tired himself out.

You go to the kitchen to figure out dinner after sending the message. You don’t expect an answer quickly but only a few minutes later your phone buzzes from your pocket. You were in the middle of cooking, so you finished up before looking to see what Billie said.

He’s so adorable. Mickey and the other kittens are sleeping too.

You squint slightly at the picture that she sent you, trying to figure out where it was taken. It’s obviously Mickey sleeping somewhere dark, but it’s a weird angle and you’re at a loss. So you text her back asking where she’s keeping him. Hopefully she was taking your advice to heart and she was keeping a close eye on him.

Where’s Mickey sleeping?

In my pocket.

You laugh so loudly that you wake Milo up.

The next couple of days are a little less hectic for Billie Dean. Michelle found someone qualified to take care of Mickey and company, she needed to come up with names for the rest of them, while she was at the studio. They didn’t seem to have any troubles and they sent her text messages every so often which she appreciated.

It seemed ridiculous to be so nervous about these kittens, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted them to do well so they could go to good homes. She had decided that once they were old enough, she would take them to the clinic to be adopted out. She trusted you to send them to good homes. Even Bit who would definitely be fixed before going off to her next home. Hell, Billie might even have it done sooner. The idea of her getting out and doing this all over again made her physically and mentally exhausted.

You and Billie exchange text messages every day, but you’re back at work and busy for most of the day, so they’re pretty spotty. Once you get home, you barely have the energy to make yourself dinner, but you somehow manage to check in on Billie and the cats. So far, so good. They’re all getting bigger and one is close to opening their eyes according to Billie.

It isn’t until Friday night that you allow yourself to freak out about your lunch ‘date’ with Billie. You’ve been keeping yourself busy so that you’re not stressing too much. However, your method for keeping busy was watching her show after work, and even on lunch one day. Erin, who had helped you with Billie’s appointment, had actually caught you and you’d been able to play it off easily enough, but you’d been frazzled around her for the rest of the day. Erin had been glad that you were finally watching it because it was great and Billie was amazing and inspiring and the idea of seeing this woman, this celebrity again was growing more and more intimidating.

Sometimes you wished that you could just enjoy things and not stress about them up until they happened. Unfortunately, that wasn’t who you were, and you were still a little tense when you got in your car Saturday to meet her.

It was a pretty popular place that you two were meeting at, but it wasn’t hard to spot Billie once you realized where you should look. She was tucked away in a back corner outside. You stopped to talk to the hostess for a moment before you were pointed in the right direction. Not that you noticed.

You took a deep breath as you headed for Billie, watching as she noticed you from a couple tables away and stood up. You only had a moment to take in her appearance, a knee-length floral dress with heels that made her much taller than you. You were a little surprised when she hugged you, but you didn’t complain when you recognized the same perfume she’d been wearing at her appointment. You don’t have time to question how you remembered that before Billie was speaking.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Goodness you’re so tense.”

She chuckles under her breath while you blush slightly at the reminder about how you’d failed to calm down on the way here. You sit down across from the blonde before shrugging slightly. You looked down to where the medium’s nails-a different color this time-were fiddling with a cigarette.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just a little—it’s good to see you too.”

You cut yourself off before you can say anything too embarrassing, but Billie Dean, clearly realizing what you were going to say, shoots you a questioning look. You watch as she brings her cigarette to her lips, a lighter not far behind it before shooting you a different kind of look.

“Do you mind, sweetheart?”

You usually don’t like it when people smoke around you, but you can’t bring yourself to say no to her. You shake your head before watching as she lights it and takes a drag. You know you’re staring, but you can’t help it. You never really saw smoking as attractive. Until now of course.

“You’re a little what?”

You pull your gaze away from the cigarette now over the ash tray between you before looking back to Billie’s face to see that look is still there. You shake your head remembering what she’d asked before shifting slightly in your seat.

“Um—nothing—nervous. Just a little.”

You take back the lie when Billie raises an eyebrow in disbelief at you, and you briefly wonder how anyone gets away with lying to this woman. She’s still eyeing you in a way that makes you feel like you’re under a microscope, so you look back to your hands that are fidgeting in your lap.

“Why are you nervous, sweetheart?”

Okay. You feel a blush rise to your cheeks at the question and the damn pet name again. You almost want to ask her to stop, but you’d never do that. You would never mean it. It was just damn distracting and you almost forgot to answer when Billie speaks up again.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Y/N.”

You nod to yourself and try to summon your courage as you sit up straighter. You open your mouth to agree and maybe apologize for being such a mess when the medium adds something that stops you cold.

“I won’t bite. Yet.”

You feel your brain short-circuit at the thought of biting-oh god and your face flushes as red as a tomato. You hear her chuckle, but you miss the almost apologetic look she shoots you as you shake your head to clear it of those thoughts.

“Right, uh. I guess I just didn’t know what to expect.”

Billie nods in understanding as she takes another drag before offering you a smile.

“I don’t expect anything from you, Y/N. I just wanted to get to know you a little better.”

Any response you were going to give was interrupted when your waiter, Rick, came to take your drink orders. You just ordered a soda before taking the menu handed to you. You missed what Billie ordered as you busied yourself with looking for something to get. Despite the fact that you’d looked at the menu beforehand and knew exactly what you were getting.

“Okay. I can do that.”

You smile shyly as you duck behind your menu when Billie laughs. She takes another drag of her cigarette before putting it out and moving the tray from between the two of you. You watch over your menu curiously before you hear her voice again and your attention snaps back to her face.

Her hair looks a lot like how it did when you first met. It looks so soft and you really want to run your fingers through it.

“How long ago did you move to L.A?”

This question surprises you a little bit and Billie just smiles as you put down your menu before answering. You smile slightly as you do the math in your head quickly.

“Almost 6 weeks.”

You pause before asking, “How did you know?”

Billie’s smile widens as she thought back to your conversation earlier this week. “You didn’t seem to realize that it doesn’t get very cold here.”

You laugh before nodding. That’s what you thought had tipped her off. That and the fact that you had no idea who she was. Not that you’d told her that yet, or planned to.

“That makes sense. All I really looked into when I got my job offer was housing. I figured the rest would sort itself out later.”

Billie waited until your waiter came back with your drinks before responding. When he asked if you were ready to order, Billie told you to go first and she watched you curiously as you spoke with Rick. She smiled when you turned to her once you’re finished and she orders before handing her menu off to Rick.

“Did you and Milo make the trip together?”

You smile at the mention of your dog. You had sent Billie at least three more pictures of him throughout the week since he was always with you. Even at work, there was a doggy daycare so he was hardly ever home alone. You hoped that he wasn’t ripping anything up as you speak.

“Yeah, we drove here since he would have lost his mind on a plane, but it was a nice, long trip.”

You told Billie about how the day after graduation, you packed up your car and drove cross country with your dog. It took you about a week because you stopped a lot to sightsee, but it was relaxing and you definitely were glad you did it. You didn’t mention any family, but Billie didn’t ask so you decided to save that for later.

“I’d lived there all my life, but L. A’s a nice change. Not that I’ve seen much of it.”

Billie smiles at this and she bites back a flirty comment as she watches something change in your expression. It’s gone so quickly that she doubts she even saw it before you shoot her a smile, your dimples making you look adorable.

“Enough about me. What about you Billie?”

Billie smiled before she shot you a surprised look. “You mean you didn’t Google me?”

She had been kidding, but when she saw you blush slightly, she was glad that she’d said it.

God you were adorable.

You searched for a distraction and settled for taking a sip of your drink as you tried to figure out what to say. The truth was embarrassing, but you didn’t really want to say anything else. So you sighed in defeat as you put your glass down, and met Billie’s smug smirk.

“I actually didn’t Google you until you agreed to lunch. I honestly…I didn’t know who you were until about ten minutes before you arrived at the clinic.”

This surprised Billie, but she didn’t say so because she didn’t want to sound like a narcissist. Instead, she decided to see what you were willing to tell her.

“Really? Well did you learn anything interesting?”

You laughed before shrugging in faux disinterest. You’d read a lot about Billie Dean, but that didn’t mean you were going to tell her that. You didn’t simply want to tell Billie her life story. You’d rather hear it from her.

“Nothing as interesting as what you could tell me, I’m sure.”

You smile as you watch Billie stop short of reaching for her cigarette. She turns to you looking faintly surprised before she just laughs.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Instead of offering a verbal response, you just smile widely only to break out into a laugh as Billie rolls her eyes at you.

“Well, I just got back from Europe last week. We’d been filming there for the past couple of months.”

This piqued your interest because you’d been to Europe a couple of years ago, but you hadn’t gone much further than Germany and Italy.

“Really? Where in Europe?”

Billie Dean spent up until your food came talking about the months she’d spent in Europe. She talked about what she’d seen and a little about the spirits she’d encountered. She made sure to check periodically to see if you were actually interested, but there was really no need. You were so invested in what the medium was saying that you didn’t pay your food any attention once it arrived. You were starving, but you didn’t want to miss anything that Billie said.

“I’m just glad that it wasn’t a complete waste of time. Sometimes that happens and it’s frustrating.”

You nod as you think about how this must work. You supposed that it was a common occurrence for Billie to run into stubborn souls who didn’t want anything to do with her. You had heard her say in one of her episodes that she could sense spirits without seeing them, and if they wanted to be seen they would reveal themselves. Otherwise, she was just talking to air and that was difficult to make entertaining.

“Can I ask a potentially dumb question?”

Billie nodded before she took a bite of her lunch. You watched as she swallowed before offering you an encouraging smile.

“Of course, Y/N.”

You nod before taking a moment to figure out how to best word this. It was bound to sound generic and like something she’d been asked a million times before, but you were genuinely curious. You knew very little about mediums. Unless the one or two episodes of Long Island Medium you’ve seen counted.

“Does it ever get difficult to tell who is a spirit and who isn’t? If they appear around you anywhere, how do you differentiate between them and just another person at this restaurant?”

You look around the crowded area as you say this, missing how Billie looks over your other shoulder instead. She takes a deep breath before closing her eyes briefly. She doesn’t notice that you’d turned back until she opens her eyes to see you looking at her curiously. Billie immediately shakes her head with a small smile despite her slight unease.

“It’s not a dumb question, honey. The best answer would be that it was confusing at first, but now that I’ve learned to pick up on their energies and hear their thoughts, it’s easier.”

You try to imagine this, but you fall short because how can you? The idea of living your everyday life and being able to feel and see dead people was overwhelming. You looked back to Billie to ask one final question when you notice she’d fiddling with the cigarette she put out a while ago.

“What’s your favorite part about your gift?”

This question is a little unexpected. Billie immediately stops fidgeting and smiles at you in admiration. Most people see her gift as a burden, or as a way to make money. Some even see it as an opportunity to exploit spirits for the sake of entertainment. She can see that you are truly just curious, and that you aren’t put off by the idea like a lot of people are initially. Or worse, fawning over it and asking her to sense the room or anything like that.

“I love when I can help people who don’t realize that their loved ones are still with them.”

Billie’s answer strikes a chord in you and you try to hide it, but you are a terrible liar. You knew you’d failed when you saw Billie frown slightly, but you spoke up quickly so you didn’t have to talk about that. You weren’t ready and the idea of doing so now, especially with someone you’d just met was terrifying.

“You must find that very rewarding.”

Billie doesn’t answer immediately, but you pretend not to notice as you busy yourself with your food. Billie can tell you don’t want to talk about it, so she just files your reaction away for another time before nodding in agreement.

The rest of lunch goes smoothly and by the time it’s over almost three hours have passed. It’s practically dinner time.

You don’t want to leave. You’ve enjoyed the time spent with Billie so much. She’s so easy to talk to, and you could honestly listen to her speak for hours and hours. It wasn’t until Billie looked at her watch that you realized she needed to go. You figured she had to get back to work, but she shook her head when you asked.

“Duty calls?”

Billie smiles before shaking her head. She’d finished all of her work this morning so she could spend as much time as possible with you. She hadn’t told you that and probably wasn’t going to, but she did need to get home.

“Not quite. I just need to check on the kittens soon.”

She watches you smile at this before sitting up slightly to lean in a bit in interest.

“Oh right. They’re still doing okay?”

Billie confirms that all of the kittens are doing well. They’re all growing and nursing and despite the extra attention that Mickey requires, he’s doing well too.

“They are. They’re getting so big. I swear they’ll probably be walking around soon.”

You laugh at this before trying to imagine 6 kittens wandering around Billie’s home. You picture all of them sitting on the medium and that’s just too adorable. You’re pulled from your daydream when Rick comes back with the check. You grab it before Billie can and smile victoriously when you see her pout.

“Sweetheart I was --.”

“Nope, I’ve got it!”

You quickly hand your card to Rick, trying not to freak out at the idea of him hearing Billie call you sweetheart. You feel your cheeks heating up so you just smile as you look back to Billie with a wave of your hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I asked you here after all, so my treat.”

Billie was still frowning as she shook her head and you opened your mouth to offer some sort of reassurance. You didn’t get a chance before she was smiling at you in a way that made you swoon.

“Alright, but next time, it’s on me.”

You can only nod dumbly as you try to process the fact that Billie Dean just implied that she wants to see you again. You barely notice Rick bring your card back as you frantically try to think of when you’ll be free next.

“Have a good rest of the day, ladies.”

You look up at that point a little caught off guard, but before you can stumble over a response Billie speaks for you both. You just focus on doing a little math and signing your name before putting your card back in your wallet.

“Ready to go, Y/N?”

You nod and stand-up following Billie’s lead out to the parking lot. You realize she’s just following you to your car, and you turn to ask her where she parked, but a hand on your lower back stops you.

“It’s okay, I’ll walk you to your car.”

You were so focused on just getting out of there with some semblance of your dignity that you hadn’t realized that people were taking notice of Billie. You just nod and start digging in your pocket for your keys. You unlock your car, leaning against it before you turn to Billie with a smile.

“It was good seeing you again, Billie. We should do this again sometime.”

You say this kiddingly, but at the same time you’re completely serious. Billie chuckles under her breath before nodding in agreement. She brushes some loose hair behind her ear and shoots you a dazzling smile.

“We should. When are you free next?”

You don’t even pretend like you hadn’t been thinking about it since the check came and responded immediately.

“My next days off are Thursday and Friday. What about you?”

Billie’s slightly disappointed that she’ll have to wait that long, you are too, but she mentions that her nights are pretty free next week. So you decide on dinner next Thursday night, since you work next weekend before you part ways.

Billie seems a little more on edge than she was when you arrived, and a quick glance around confirms why. Of course people will take notice of Billie Dean Howard. You just smile before reaching out to squeeze her hand.

“I’ll see you at some undisclosed location Thursday night?”

Billie insisted on surprising you for next time and you couldn’t help but find it both romantic and nerve-wracking. She merely nodded before letting you know that you’ll just have to be patient.

“I’ll let you know Wednesday, Y/N. Thank you for lunch.”

With one last squeeze, Billie released your hand and left you a little dazed. You watch her walk away until you realize you’re staring, so you quickly get in your car and shut the door. You take a deep breath before getting buckled and heading home.

You leave the parking lot and are a couple blocks away before you start screaming.

You have a date with Billie Dean.

You’re going on a date with Billie Dean Howard.

When you get home, you’re eternally grateful that Milo didn’t tear anything up. After a quick run through of the place to confirm this you retreat to your room to change clothes. You’re antsy all of a sudden, not that it takes a lot of thought to figure out why. You’re excited, terrified and you feel like crying a little which seems ridiculous. So instead of doing all of these things you decide to take Milo on a walk that will probably turn into a run to burn some energy and hopefully calm yourself down.

“Ready for a walk, Milo?”

As you predicted, your adorable dog runs to find his leash and bring it to you. You make sure you have your keys and phone safely tucked away before heading out.

You’re not typically someone who likes exercising in front of people, and if you didn’t have Milo you wouldn’t be going out for a run right now. Luckily your insecurities and paranoia are the last thing on your mind as you lock up and take off down the street, Milo right beside you.

You were too busy thinking about your date with Billie Dean.

Holy shit, what were you going to wear?

Part 4

#american horror story #ahs #ahs fic #my fic #ahs murder house #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean howard imagine #billie dean howard #a little bit #ahs imagine

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charismaandcashmere · 4 years

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In the modern world, it often seems like it’s harder than ever to accomplish your goals.

It seems like everyone has already done the thing you want to do — that your idea is already out there, that your niche is beyond saturated.

Want to start a blog? You’re up against a million rivals. Thinking about starting a podcast? So is everyone else and their mom. Hoping to write a book? With the advent of self-publishing, you’re not only up against authors approved by major publishing houses, but anyone, anywhere, with a laptop. Want to become a YouTube star? Better hope you get noticed next to the thousands of other folks uploading new videos every day.

There’s seemingly a million graphic designers, a million wannabe filmmakers, a million other, probably more qualified candidates gunning for the same job you want.

And that’s just in the marketplace. In your personal life, the competition can feel equally fierce. In the days of yore, you were just competing against people in your college or church to win the attention of a lady. Now you’re up against every Tom, Dick, and Harry on Tinder. The dating marketplace hypothetically stretches beyond your community to encompass your whole state, maybe even the whole country.

Yes, in both economic and personal spheres, demand seems high, and resources seem scarce. It’s enough to make you decide to give up and not try in the first place.

Yet this feeling of scarcity is just an illusion, a myth.

In truth, there’s never been a more opportune time to live. Not only because it’s never been cheaper and easier to write a book, share your art, or start a business, but because the average person’s ability to execute on the basics has never been in such short supply.

While opportunities to achieve your goals aren’t as scarce as you think, there are areas where true scarcity does exist: in common sense, in social skills, in manners, in reliability. There’s a dearth of people who know, or have the will, to do the stupidly easy stuff to be charming and successful.

Let me give you just one example. Both off the air and on, guests of my podcast will tell me, “I can tell you actually read my book before this interview and I really appreciate that. It’s so rare.” I don’t bring this up to toot my own horn, but rather to point out how ridiculous it is that this might even be something worthy of mention! An interviewer reading someone’s work before asking them questions about it would seem like the barest of bare minimum job requirements — a prerequisite rather than something above and beyond. And yet the majority of podcasters aren’t even taking care of this most basic of basics.

There are tons of people doing what you want to do, but how are they executing? In 90% of cases, not as well as they could be.

That’s your opening. And such openings are absolutely everywhere.

To take advantage of opportunities, people typically concentrate on stuff like building up their resume — going to the best school or getting the right internship. And certainly, these things can help.

But what’s missed is that it’s often doing stupidly easy stuff that’s going to allow you to make friends and land your dream job. It’s doing the stupidly easy stuff that almost no one else is doing that can most readily set you apart from the pack, and up for success.

What is some of that stupidly easy stuff? Below you’ll find a (non-exhaustive) list of the things it’s hard to believe people don’t do more often, and which have a huge ROI because most people can’t be bothered.

1. Send a thank you text when you get home from a nice party/date. In my opinion, this is the #1 easiest and best way to be a more charming texter. Yet almost no one does it. When someone has you over for dinner, or you take someone out on a date, once you part ways, they typically worry a bit as to whether or not you had a good time. And a party host wants to know their effort to throw the shindig was appreciated. So even if you thank your date/host in person at the end of the evening, once you get home, shoot them a confirming text saying, “Thanks again for the delicious dinner. We had such a good time!” Trust me on this, it’s stupidly, stupidly charming.

2. Write handwritten thank you notes, always and often. When an occasion was especially nice, instead of sending a text, write the person a handwritten thank you note and stick it in the mail. And send handwritten thank you notes for anything and everything else. Received a gift? Thank you note. Job interview? Thank you note. Someone helped you move? Thank you note. Someone went to bat for you at work? Thank you note.

Thank you note writing has become such a lost art, and receiving snail mail is so delightful, that sending handwritten appreciation has become one of the most effective ways to set yourself apart from the pack.

3. Edit your emails/texts before sending. No one ever catches all of the spelling and grammatical mistakes contained within their communications, but giving your texts and emails a couple reads before you hit send will tighten things up. These “clean” missives significantly contribute to making a winning digital impression.

4. Know how to make small talk. We spend so much time behind screens, that when we finally meet people face-to-face, our conversation can often be awkward and stilted. But being comfortable with small talk opens a tremendous amount of doors; sure, it starts out with the superficial, but it’s the on-ramp to deeper discussions — the pathway to relationships with potential lovers, new friends, and future employers. Fortunately, once you know the simple methodology that makes small talk flow, it’s easy to master.

5. Don’t be a conversational narcissist. Related to the above. The only kind of talk many people know how to make these days, is about themselves. Someone who knows how to listen and ask good questions comes off as stupidly charming.

6. Don’t look at your phone during a conversation. In an age of scattered attention, a person who can concentrate their attention on you, and fight the urge to look at their phone while you eat or talk — someone who can make you feel like the most important person in the room — is a charmer par excellence.

Can’t seem to pry yourself away? Check out our complete guide to breaking your smartphone habit.

7. Dress well for a job interview. You don’t have to show up to a job interview in a three-piece suit (unless the position calls for it); overdressing can make as poor a first impression as under-dressing. But showing up dressed just one notch above what current employees at the company wear will immediately set you apart from many other candidates. Well-shined shoes, a pressed shirt, and good hygiene will help too.

8. Come to a job interview prepared to ask questions of the interviewer. Whenever we post this article on “10 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview,” HR folks always weigh in with how “amazed” they are at the number of candidates who stare blankly when asked at the end of an interview, “Do you have any questions for us?” Know some questions to ask going in.

9. Take a woman on a real date. In a landscape of “What’s up”? texts and non-committal hang outs, taking a lady on a real date puts you head and shoulders above other suitors. What constitutes a real date? Watch this video and remember the 3 P’s: Planned, Paired Off, and Paid For.

10. Offer a sincere apology when you mess up. My generation seems to struggle with saying “I’m sorry” when they make a mistake. Numerous times I’ve had my order messed up at a restaurant, and when I bring it to the attention of the waiter or manager, they just shrug, say “Okay,” and fix it, without saying, “I’m sorry about that.” Then the other day an order of mine got messed up, and the manager took a totally different tack — comping my whole meal and bringing me a free dessert. That kind of treatment is so rare, it was unbelievably winning. I even found the manager after my meal to tell her so, and let her know I would specifically make an effort to return because of her gesture.

As it goes in the restaurant biz, so it goes with everything else. Most of your fellow employees will just say “Okay” when an error is brought to their attention. Offering a sincere apology that demonstrates you take responsibility and understand where you messed up and how it affects the company, will easily set you apart (so will immediately trying to make it right and preventing it from happening again).

And in your personal life, apologizing when you stumble is stupidly endearing. You’ll probably mess up again, and often with the same issue, but even when you can’t completely overcome your flaws, showing you’re at least completely aware of them goes a long, long way.

11. Follow through. I get a lot of emails from guys who want to do something with the Art of Manliness, like write a guest article or strike up a business partnership. They are excited! They are passionate! They are…MIA. They never follow-up or follow-through on their idea. I’ve often wondered what happens between their excited initial email, and their descent into silence. But whatever it is, it can easily be avoided by those committed to following through.

12. Be reliable. No quality today can more readily set you apart from your peers than reliability. Doing the follow-through just mentioned. Showing up on time (and just plain showing up). Meeting deadlines. Managing expectations and not overpromising. Promptly responding to emails. Keeping your word.

Are freelance graphic designers, artists, video/audio editors, app developers, programmers, contractors, etc. a dime a dozen? Surely. But a reliable creative professional or handyman? A pink unicorn. If you couple talent and skill with reliability, it’s stupidly easy to dominate your competition and your niche.

When you survey the economic and dating markets, they can seem incredibly oversaturated. Demand seems high and resources seem scarce. But when you take a closer look, you’ll find that while there are plenty of people all grasping after the same thing, there are only a few executing well on the attempt. Setting yourself apart isn’t complicated or hard; it often involves simply doing the stupidly easy stuff that everyone else overlooks.

Their obtusity is your gain; see through the myth of scarcity, take care of the basics, and the world is your oyster.

#my links #art of manliness #etiquette #the myth of scarcity

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sunsetinmyvein · 4 years

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The Radio Station - Chapter Six - Why Can’t We Be Friends?

26th of November, 2018

Eventually, she saw it all unfold in the headlines. The lies. The heroin. The trip to rehab. It was devastating to discover the root cause of Matty’s behaviour in such a disconnected way from how she might’ve expected to discover it a few years ago. A part of her wanted to reach out, to check in and see if he was doing all right, offer to help, but she suspected after their last two interactions that maybe she was better off just leaving it. However, in contrast to the sinking feeling from knowing he had been going through such turmoil, it was incredibly uplifting to see him getting back on his feet. For him to be writing and releasing music again meant that he must’ve successfully made it to the other side. Whenever the announcement of a new album came, she waited in anticipation for the email confirming that he’d be coming back on the show. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was excited at the thought of seeing him again, or absolutely dreading the prospect of things still being uncomfortable between them - her emotions seemed to regularly flip flop between the two. It was awfully close to the album release date when she finally got the confirmation from her boss; she had begun to suspect maybe he didn’t want to come back on the show after how they’d left things. He’d have every right to resent her after how she’d treated him.

She was knocked out of her thoughts whenever she heard a soft knock at the door, turning in her chair to see Matty standing outside with a sheepish smile, having arrived early. His hair was cropped quite a bit shorter than she’d seen it before but he was still sporting his natural curls. He was wearing some puffy yellow coat over a plain shirt, and stock standard worn out blue jeans. It was probably the most… average, that she’d ever seen him look (not that average was ever a truly fitting word to describe Matthew Healy). She waited for him to push the door open and come in, but he seemed to be waiting for her to let him in. As she stood up and opened the door, and he gingerly made his way inside and loitered next to her desk for a minute, she was suddenly vividly reminded of the first time she’d met him. All she could see was the nervous twenty-three-year-old that she’d met six years ago, who was scared shitless about his first proper radio interview. The nostalgia hit like a freight train, and before she could give it a second thought she grabbed him in a tight hug.

He hugged her back, pressing his face into her shoulder as he let out the breath he had been holding. “I’m sorry…” She said quietly after a moment.

He gave an incredulous laugh at that, “You’re sorry? For what?” He asked. “I was the dickhead.”

“I just…” This hadn’t really been the way she expected herself to instantly react, nor had she thought of anything to say in this situation. Her mouth was running dry trying to come up with the right words to explain what she was feeling. “I wasn’t exactly a good friend.”

“I think we were both a bit guilty of that.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair, taking a step back.

“I should’ve tried harder.” She tried to explain, frowning at herself as she floundered for the right sentiment.

“It’s fine, truly.” He reassured her. “I wouldn’t have told you what was happening, anyway. Nobody knew.” He added with a shrug.

They took their seats opposite the desk, both feeling slightly relieved but well aware there was still tension surrounding them. “Uh, is there anything you want me to avoid asking about?” She asked eventually, busying herself with checking the text line to avoid looking directly at him.

“No.” Matty replied instantly. “I’d prefer you ask what you want to rather than censor yourself for my benefit. I won’t answer it if it’s too much.” He clarified. “Thanks for checking, though.”

“Are you…” She hesitated, unsure of the boundaries of their friendship now and how much she should be asking for her own curiosity. “Are you all right now?” She asked as she looked across to him.

He cracked a small smile, “Considerably better. Probably not all the way there yet, though. It’s hard with my girlfriend back at home for the moment, but I’m managing. Keeping busy with other stuff to stay occupied.” He answered truthfully. She nodded in understanding. “And you? It’s been at least three years since we’ve had a proper conversation.” The realisation of how long it had actually been stung slightly, but she ignored that feeling and instead focused on the fact that he seemed to genuinely want to know how she’d been.

“Good.” She grinned. “Doing well on the morning slot now that it’s been a few years.”

“You’ve been making a bit of a reputation for yourself over here, I hear your name get kicked around a bit when I’m at home. It’s nice to see you getting proper recognition for your efforts.” She tried her best not to blush at the subtle compliment.

Thankfully she didn’t have too long to dwell on his kind words and any connotations behind them before the interview started. The nervous butterflies sat at the pit of her stomach as she switched the live audio and video feeds over, lying in wait in case the interview still felt as awkward and forced as the last two.

“Matty, great to have you back.” She spoke, clearing her throat slightly.

“Great to be back after so long.” He said cheerfully.

“The 1975 release their new record in six days, A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships-”

“Only six days?” He muttered to himself in slight disbelief.

“We’ve only got a relatively short interview today, because after this you are heading straight into the live lounge to play a few tracks for us.” He made a noise of agreement. “We’ve heard five singles off it, all of which sound very different from one another in true 1975 fashion.” Matty laughed lightly at that. “And I noticed that you did the same thing with this album as what you did with I Like it When You Sleep; the first single you released was the first track on the album. Is this becoming a habit for you guys?” She asked.

“Probably not a habit.” He started, letting out a huff. “It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Whether it felt like a primary statement or not, I’m not sure. We’d already made an album by that point, we hadn’t made a group of singles. I hadn’t been thinking ‘oh, how do we butter them up?’ Just thought… this is the first song on the record. Put it out.” He shrugged.

“Do you think this is your strongest record so far?”

“A hundred percent.” He answered instantly.

“I’ve heard people comparing it to OK Computer. Saying that it’s a similar thing for the millennial generation.” She prompted.

He let out a groan, “I try not to think much about it.” He admitted. “I mean, what do I say? It’s so humbling and amazing, but strange also, because… the only realisation that I really came to, about the record – I think the reference to OK Computer is maybe it’s kind of, the narrative is incredibly twinned with how we communicate and the internet and all those kind of things. Which is obviously OK Computer in a nutshell. My favourite records are about life.” He said, clenching his fist for emphasis and knocking the microphone lightly. “It’s maybe a bit of a big thing to say, but I was just writing a record about relationships. Well… I wasn’t even doing that; I was just writing a record. And it turns out if you’re trying to write an honest record about relationships and how they’re mediated in the modern day, you’re kind of by proxy writing about the internet.” He explained. Things already felt more natural than what they had of late. Matty felt more open and responsive, which instantly put her mind at ease.

“One of the other singles that we’ve heard from the album is Love It If We Made It, which is…” She tried to pick her words carefully to best capture her thoughts on the song succinctly, “a pretty powerful song to say the least.”

Matty nodded enthusiastically before answering, “The thing with Love It If We Made It… it was very, very difficult to write. It’s a list of information. The idea stemmed from the fact that over a year we collected tabloid newspapers every day to make the lyrics. Unfortunately, when we got to trying that, it was too slapstick. The song was hard to get right. It needed to be as objective and as fair and as anti… ‘watch out sheeple’ as possible. And that’s hard to do.”

“It seems you guys did a good job with it in the end. It’s been resonating well with our listeners.”

“Thanks.” Matty grinned proudly.

“It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You has also had quite the response.” She added, hoping he’d have a bit to say about that, and that maybe it could work as a segue to the questions blowing up her screen in her peripheral vision.

“It’s… I don’t know…” He sighed, staring blankly at the wall behind her as he tried to formulate an answer. “The way I always explain it, it’s like it’s a song that sounds poppy but it’s about something serious. Which, okay, that’s straight up 1975. And that’s because the feeling that I get from music, narratively or musically, can kind of be the same thing. You know like being nervous or being like, er, anxious for a date, physically could be the same feeling as the fear of heights if you get rid of all the intellect. Emotionally, you get the same thing. I’ve always been like, I get this feeling when I read the lyrics of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen but I get the same carnal feeling when I hear the music to Girls Just Want to Have Fun. So… the synthesis of those ideas has just been the most obvious thing in the world for me, you know what I mean?” He looked across to her for confirmation. “I think that idea really sums up The 1975. If you’re a big fan of The 1975, that’s the most 1975-iest song on the record.”

She had hoped he would jump straight into the lyrical content of the song, but clearly she would need to segue into it herself. “That totally makes sense.” She agreed. “There’s been a bit of a debate about the subject matter of It’s Not Living.” She said, giving him a cautious glance. He’d said not to worry about asking whatever she wanted to, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like she was delving too deep into his private life.

He hummed thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure most of the fans know what it’s about.” He said with a dry laugh. “I’ve not like… done some big reveal of my relationship with drugs over the past couple of years. I think that because…” He stared down at the desk with a frown, “I used to have nightmares about being exposed. Because remember, my whole game has always been that ‘do I know that you know that I think that I’m a rock star?’ that’s always been my whole thing.” He said with a pointed look. “So, the idea though, of actually being known for being a junkie and doing those kinds of things, used to terrify me. Because then I’m a cliché. I lose all of my irony and lose all of my funniness because I’m an actual cliché. So, I think even when I’m talking about it on this record, I’m still going ‘Danny ran into some complications-’ it’s like I’m using characters. It’s a bit like somebody going ‘I’ve got this mate, right, and he’s got a bit of this weird rash-’ “ He chuckled. “Like ‘yeah, all right, well tell your mate-’ it’s like we know who you’re talking about. I think the idea that I’m still trying to hide and remove myself from it is part of the gag. But then the chorus is brutally honest. It’s difficult to write a song like that. It’s hard to despise the idea of fetishizing or romanticising drug use as a behaviour but then only having my truth. Like I don’t have anything else, I don’t have anywhere else to talk about it. There is a hopelessness to drug addiction. You don’t keep doing it because it’s cool, you keep doing it because you feel like there’s no life without it.” His expression seemed to become quite sombre at that before he continued his train of thought. “And to express that… it wasn’t like a relief for me. The music is a catharsis for me, but it wasn’t like I needed to get that out. Unfortunately, I’m only my set of experiences, and they’re pretty limited as somebody who’s been on the road for four years trying to mediate his life through drug addiction, y’know? So yeah… it’s difficult to walk that line. Um… But I just had to make sure that… like with most of my work, any discussion of my behaviour is normally with a profound distaste. And kids are smart, man.”

She hadn’t really expected him to be so open about it so readily. “What started it?” She asked instinctually, almost forgetting for a moment that she was at work and meant to be providing entertainment. “If you don’t mind me asking.” She added as an afterthought.

He waved a hand dismissively at her worry. “I’d be on stage, and there would be however many thousands of people. And I’m genuinely trying to connect with people, you know? And then it’s done. Go back to the hotel room. Go to sleep. Like… what?” He answered with a frustrated huff. “I was trying to change culture in my head ten minutes ago and now I’ve gotta go to sleep? I used drugs to go to sleep primarily. I’ve never had a good relationship with sleep, anyway… I’ve always been jealous of people they’ll tell me about a dream and they’ll kind of like explain this little kind of film that they’ve been that has a dynamic of emotions and it was up and it was down and my dreams are just like terror. Just fear. I’ve never had that many good dreams. And drugs stop you dreaming. But then obviously… you have solutions to get rid of that post-show buzz. Didn’t really get me anywhere. Spoilt it, as well. Did way too much. Did loads of it.” He admitted. “So, I can’t do anymore of it… when I’m older.” He laughed.

“So, you became reliant on that as a comedown?” She questioned.

“It was always gonna happen with me with opiates.” He said bluntly. “I only say this in case people relate to it, but like, when I was younger, I kind of used to dream about being sedated. And unfortunately, sex, drugs, other things, religion, I’ve loved all these things in my life but they’ve never just-” He clicked his fingers, “turned it off. And unfortunately, when I tried those drugs, I – temporarily, for a moment – had that. And I was like, right, this is gonna help. And erm,” He picked at his nail anxiously. “It just takes your shine off, slows you down. Makes you lie, which is a nightmare for somebody who is so Mr Tell The Truth.”

“The lies are what got you caught?”

He made a noise of contemplation. “The problem is… I’m very, very lucky, is what I am. And I have an infrastructure around me of like… we’ve been a band since we were fourteen, I’m twenty-nine, right.” He said with a pointed look in her direction. “We’re like brothers, we love each other. I have amazing opportunities like this,” He gestured around the studio, “I have my health, I have all these things. There’s not a lot of people around me who allow stuff like… hard drug use. And that’s really annoying when you’re a drug addict. But it also makes you reflect, you know what I mean? Because you just end up lying, and being a version of yourself that- but that’s part of the sickness. You incentivise things weirdly.” He explained with a shrug.

“And the rehab centre you went to was in Barbados?” She asked. He nodded in response. “I heard that the band paid for that?”

His expression visibly softened when she brought that up. “Yeah. I think the nice story was that uh… Obviously, I’m in a fortunate place in my career that - obviously I have to think about those kind of financial things - but before I went I was kind of thinking ‘I’ll sort that out when I’m out there’ and then I remember saying to Jamie ‘oh-‘ and he was like ‘aw nah, nah, it’s all sorted’ and I was like ‘Oh, how much did it - what was it?’ and he was like ‘oh, well we just did it out the band’ and I was like ‘oh really??’ “ He seemed visibly touched by this story, even retelling it now.

“That was pretty amazing of them to do.”

“Yeah… Yeah, it was.” He muttered, still clearly caught up in his own thoughts. “And you know what, if you want a band to last forever, share.” He added simply.

“And this place you went to, supposedly they do a bunch of stuff with horses?” She asked in confusion. When she had heard this information, she was almost certain she had gotten her wires crossed, but Matty was already confirming what she had said.

“Equine therapy, yeah! It was, basically…” He started trying to explain, before cracking a smile and looking across to her. “In reality what it was, for the first two or three days was me stood in a field rolling my eyes next to a horse.” He said with a laugh. “That’s what it was really. This guy put me in a field with a horse and was like ‘talk to the horse’ so I’m like” He gave a sarcastic look, “ ‘…all right?’ So, he leaves me alone and I’m like ‘hey man’ and the horse obviously didn’t say anything.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the image. “And then he put me in the round pen, right. He put me in this pen which was just round – was a good explanation of it.” He reprimanded himself with a snort. “And I stood in the middle, and basically he said ‘I want you to walk towards the horse. It’s gonna send the horse around in a loop, and I want you to assert your position. You’re not going to get the horse. You’re just telling the horse that this is where you’re going’. All this stuff. So, I do it. And he goes ‘you’ll notice three things, at one point the horse will dip its head, then it’ll bow its ear to you, then it’ll start biting its lips. Once it’s done these three things, I want you to turn your back and drop the rope.’ So, I’m like right, lips, thing, do this, yep. And the horse is running, the horse is running, I watched for these three cues, and I dropped the rope and I turned round. The horse stopped dead.” He clapped his hands together for emphasis, staring at her seriously.

“I swear to you, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. The horse stopped dead, came over to me and stood behind me – and this is a horse that for three days had mugged me off. And I was… stood there with this horse, that now… wanted to be with me?” He seemed entirely perplexed by this. “Then when I walked it wouldn’t cross my feet,” He gestured to his feet as he said this, knocking his microphone in the process. “Sorry, I keep hitting the microphone. Way too gesticulated today. Erm, when I went into the field and hung out with it, it wanted to be with me. And then I stood there and was like ‘Ah… Right…’ Then all of these profound things… It was so…” He tried his best to find the words. “It ate everything it needed to eat, and didn’t complain about it, and didn’t eat too much of it, and ate the right stuff. It had the ability to destroy anything it wanted, but the desire to hurt nothing. It was physically perfect and strong. It was forgiving with its time with me. And it was kind of compassionate in a way, ‘cause he’s a horse, he doesn’t want me there, he just wants to be a horse. But he let me be there.” It was abundantly clear how much of an impact this experience had on Matty. He spoke about it so passionately that it was hard not to feel moved by what he was saying. “I found myself envying all of these human qualities in a horse. And I think that was the point of it…” He said with a look of finality. “At least, I hope that was the point of it. Otherwise I’ve screwed it up and learned nothing.” He laughed loudly. “But it worked for me.”

“How are you finding it? Being off the drugs?” She asked, leaning back in her seat after having been leant forward in interest for the last few minutes as he told his story.

He pulled a face as he tried to answer that in a manner suitable for a mass radio audience. “I mean… I wouldn’t say I’m this ‘beacon of sobriety’ “ He punctuated that with air quotes, “that’s kind of, telling you how it is to be an ex addict. I don’t know.” He answered sincerely. “I’ve not gone long enough. I’m not gonna start talking about ‘I haven’t done drugs in five years - ten years’ it was only a few months ago. I was still doing loads of them.” He said as he scratched at his neck.

“Is it harder now without them?”

“I don’t sleep as good as I used to with it, but I’m getting by.” He replied with a nod. “I’m all right with sleeping now. The band and my girlfriend have been really supportive and helpful. I’m doing all the things now that I used to do when I took drugs all the time. So, I’ve just made a record without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off on a finger, “so that was an experience, that was a challenge. I’ve now started touring without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off as well, “that’s an experience, that’s a challenge. I’m now about to start getting on planes all the time and touring internationally,” He added that to the list, “that’ll be a challenge. But you’ve just gotta take it day by day as the cliché says, or you’ll freak yourself out.”

“You talk about drugs pretty freely in your music, but you don’t really speak about it in interviews, was that to try and stay… disconnected from it to some degree? Did you think it was going to get as bad as it did?” She asked. She had entirely tuned out of the fan questions being sent in now, asking these questions almost purely from her own curiosity to know what had happened to the Matty she knew.

“No, no, no… I didn’t. I mean, I think the thing that I think I always have confidence in is that because I’ve – regardless of if it’s drugs or relationships - the main thing I’ve done with The 1975 is spoken about myself with kind of quite a profound disdain.” He answered. “There’s not really been a celebration of the behaviour. I think that if I was ever romanticising or fetishizing the use of drugs, I think I’d catch myself doing it. And if I ever have done that in a lyric, it will be immediately met with a lyric that shows that one up to be ironic or flawed.” He elaborated. That made sense. Most of his songs did reflect that attitude. “I’ve just had to be honest. Religion allows you to kind of give something away, sex, exactly the same thing. They’re just ways of giving up some kind of responsibility in the moment. But by that point I’d done ‘em all!” He grinned, still trying to keep the mood light despite the heavy topic. “Drugs was the only one left.”

She stared at him for a moment, just taking in all of the information he’d given her in such a short timeframe. It was a lot to process all at once, but it made a lot of the pieces click into place and answered a lot of questions that had kept her up at night when they had lost contact. Eventually she clocked back into reality, seeing that he was watching her just as intently as she had been watching him while he had divulged some of the most intimate aspects of his life.

“So, to a lighter note-” She segued.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it.” He said with a chuckle.

She smiled back at him, “I’m sure our listeners have enjoyed hearing it all in such great detail. But, there are some other big events that have been happening in your life as well that we haven’t brought up.” She said.

“Oh?”

“The 1975 will be headlining Reading and Leeds next year.”

“Yes!” He beamed. “It’s our first big headline festival. It gets me proper emotional. We didn’t just go as kids, after I got to thirteen, Christmas took a back seat and the date on my calendar was Reading and Leeds. I went one year with a tenner and no tent. I mean, I’ve had some moments there. It’ll definitely be a very humble show. All of this ego and confidence here will be gone.” He scoffed, “ ‘Honestly guys, thanks so much for coming.’ ” He said in a feigned blubbering emotional voice, before giggling at himself. “But like, we’ve just become a really good band in my opinion. I think we could headline Reading and Leeds tomorrow if you asked us to.”

“Are you particularly excited to have content off the new album to perform there?”

“Definitely. There are some songs on there that will be added into the festival setlists. It was about creating a distillation of what preceded it. Everything needed to be better, more extreme. Poppy bits poppier, heavy bits heavier, honest bits more honest.” He explained with a nod. “You can look at your work and be like ‘what did I do there that someone likes’ or ‘let’s try and do that piano thing’. Me, when I’m like, really personal, really honest, that’s when I get the best reaction. So, I just tend to do that. Like what’s gonna make me, y’know-“ He started pretending to tear up for emphasis.

“And you guys are already working on the next album, Notes on a Conditional Form? This one’s not even out yet!”

He just laughed. “We went away and what happened was, we finished A Brief Inquiry, kind of had a week off and then we started with Notes. I’m just letting it happen.” He shrugged. “I’m letting it happen in the next six months. It’ll be before…” He seemed to be doing some calculations in his head. “August. It has to be in time for Reading and Leeds.” He added decisively.

Glancing down at the clock on the screen next to her, she could see that they had in fact gone over time. “Well, as always Matty, it’s been lovely having you on the show, but I think we have to wrap it up so you can scoot over to the live lounge and get yourself set up.” She said with a small sigh, disappointed that the interview had to end after how well it had been going. Matty had felt entirely captivating as he spoke today, clearly on his game.

“God, this’ll be the first time we’ve played together in… ages.” He said as he pulled a hand through his hair and leaned back into his chair. “And we’ve not played these songs live yet, either. This will be the debut.”

“Incredibly exciting.” She nodded. “So, I’ll let you go. Tune in folks in half an hour, The 1975 will be playing a short set for us of songs from their new album, A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, in the live lounge.” She spoke into the microphone, before rounding out the interview.

Matty didn’t move from his chair across from her as she switched the camera feed off and switched over to the next round of tracks.

“Are you coming?” He asked as soon as she took her headset off. “To the live lounge?” He clarified.

Her shift was meant to end in just over twenty minutes, and they started in thirty. She could probably finish up quickly enough to make it down there in time. “Yeah, I can do that.” She said with a nod.

He grinned eagerly, “It’ll be wicked to have you there for it.”

“It’s probably about time I saw you guys play.” She laughed as he stood up.

“I’ll see you shortly.” He said over his shoulder as he made his way out of the studio.

* * *

By the time she made her way down to the live lounge quite a crowd had already formed. Her handover between shifts had been fairly rushed in an attempt to get out of there quickly, but obviously The 1975 knew how to draw an audience. She managed to squeeze her way through a few crew members to get a decent enough viewing point. Whenever she caught Matty’s gaze, he waved at her excitedly. She waved back, suddenly feeling a bout of nerves at the thought of finally watching him in action. Once the cameras were set up and all of the equipment had done one final round of checks, they launched into quite a boppy first song. She recognised this instantly as Tootime, as it had been her favourite of the singles that were released. He sounded a bit rusty and raw, which thankfully he could cover with the filter over his voice, but his enthusiasm to be performing again was unmistakable. The looks he was throwing to his band were nothing short of ecstatic, and despite being out of practice they played the song flawlessly. They finished up the first song, and he shrugged off his yellow jacket as they changed their gear over for the next two. Their little live set was only three songs long in the end, but they felt It’s Not Living and Sincerity Is Scary were excellent choices to best get across the vibe of the new album. After seeing what they could do in a tiny room with minimal fanfare, she was suddenly kicking herself for never getting out to one of their live shows.

When they had wrapped up the set, Matty started packing away his gear before seeing her starting to leave. He quickly dropped what he was doing and called out to her to wait up. She turned to face him, as he suddenly realised that he hadn’t worked out what to actually say. “Look, I’m sorry about… how I’ve been lately.” He eventually settled on.

“It’s okay, you were going through a rough time.” She reassured him.

“I was,” He nodded, “but it’s not really an excuse.” He added with a sigh. “Can I take you out to lunch after this? To apologise properly.” He asked with a hopeful look.

“You don’t have to-” She started, before he interrupted.

“I know I don’t have to - I want to.” He corrected. She considered this offer for a moment. “Please?”

“Sure.” She nodded, trying to conceal her smile. “That’d be nice.”

She waited patiently as he packed up his gear, feeling slightly awkward for loitering around a studio that wasn’t hers while she watched everyone else clear out. Once everything seemed fairly put away, he exchanged a quiet word with the band and walked over to where she was standing.

“Any preferences for where we eat? It’s your apology lunch, after all.” He said as he slipped his jacket back on.

She grimaced at his choice of words. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Why?” He laughed.

“It makes me feel worse than I already do.”

“Suppose we’ll just feel bad together, then.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and ushered her back out of the building. She couldn’t deny, it felt nice to be seeing Matty act more like he had when they’d first met. Whether that was because she enjoyed the attention or because it was nice to see her friend feeling more himself was up for debate.

Due to neither of them being the one to want to make the call about where to eat, for fear of the other not enjoying it, they ended up going to the only place that served food within their direct eyeline – a bakery. It made her feel less like she was taking advantage too for him to only have to pay for pastries and coffee, not a proper fancy meal with drinks. They caught each other up on the fine points of their lives that they’d missed out on hearing over the last few years: highlights in careers, people who’d come and gone, other artists they’d met that had proved to be noteworthy (for good reasons and bad). It was incredibly reassuring for the both of them to know that conversation still flowed easily enough between them when they weren’t actively disliking each other.

“Sorry if the interview was a bit… too personal. We didn’t really talk about the record all that much, in the end.” She said, thinking back to how long they’d spent discussing his drug habits rather than his impending album release.

“Stop apologising.” He said around a mouthful of food. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying sorry. And I’m sure the fans would’ve liked it.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to force stuff out of you for the sake of entertainment.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to.” He reminded her.

He waited a beat, composing what he had originally wanted to say today before clearing his throat. “I really am sorry, you know. For how I left things.” He said as he stared down into his mug of tea.

“It’s genuinely okay, Matty.” She reassured him. “I wasn’t really any better.” She added under her breath.

“I was just a bit oblivious and hopeful when I fucked stuff up initially. I wanted to act like I hadn’t dropped off your radar for two years.” He admitted as he scratched at the side of his head. “If I’m honest, I was reaching out to get some support from an old mate in a time when I felt pretty overwhelmed by everything that was happening. But I went about it in all the wrong ways and just made it a whole lot worse.” He clarified with a dry laugh. As if she hadn’t already felt bad enough, now he tells her that she’d shut him out when he had been trying to ask for help? The guilt increased tenfold.

“Sorry.” She said. He was about to tell her off again for apologising, but she cut him off. “I was already pretty shitty that I hadn’t seen you in so long, so I was pretty quick to want to end that interaction when things started getting… difficult.” She explained.

“Guess you live and learn, huh?” He said with a small smile. “At least we’re still mates now.” Hearing him say that helped ease a bit of her worry that she’d done as much to fuck things up as he had. At least now that it was all out in the open, they could move past it.

“Yeah.” She concurred, returning his smile. They finished up the pastries that Matty had bought before stepping out of the bakery. Both of them felt like a weight had been lifted now that they knew they hadn’t screwed stuff up for good between them. Having each said their piece, they were pretty confident that they could give friendship another shot.

“It was great to see you.” He said as he pulled her in for a hug tight enough that it almost made her lose her breath.

“Next time we’ll have to make sure it’s not so long.” She said as he moved back from the hug.

“We’ll keep in touch.” He agreed with a nod. “And I mean it this time.”

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @ghostlightqueen @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinymvein

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comradelionheart · 3 years

Text

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress.

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer.

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres.

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her.

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

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oh-obrien · 4 years

Note

dylan imagine where u guys meet on the set of a movie and during press you guys flirt and fall in love

Thank you anon for sliding into my inbox and I hope you like this!!!

This is like 2.5k??

“So obviously you two came into the movie with different skill sets,” the interviewer pointed out. Dylan looked over at you and laughed, his cheeks puffing up while he did. You sighed and rolled your eyes, pushing his shoulder while he tried to hide his smile with his hand.

“We can say it,” you sat up a little straighter in your seat, “I had never acted a day in my life before I stepped on to that set,” you laughed. “I felt grossly inexperienced you know?” You smiled at the interviewer. “So it’s not something I mind talking about.”

Dylan had stated to drum his fingers on the arm of his chair while he watched you speak. “Yeah I’ve kind of been like her coach,” he tried not to laugh again while he spoke. Dylan knew damn well he had been anything but a coach to you throughout the time you worked on your movie together.

“He has not, he’s been a terrible influence,” you corrected him. Dylan opened his mouth in mock offense which caused you to fall into a fit of giggles. “I’m so sorry!” You looked at the interviewer who watched the two of you laugh at each other. “We’re absolutely terrible together.”

“Oh no it’s fine!” She told the two of you, “so looking at that, the lack of experience on your part, and Dylan’s professional experience. What was the casting process like for both of you?” You looked to Dylan and motioned for him to go first. He did the jester back at you and you gave him an unamused glare, insisting that he go first.

He held his hands up in mock surrender before running his hand over the stubble growing on his face. “Uhh, for me it was pretty standard,” he looked over to you. “I auditioned and they called me back and asked if I would come in and do a second audition with this minx,” he looked at you.

“Oh so you were cast first?” The interviewer asked looking at you.

You nodded, “yeah I think I was cast almost two months before he did his second audition?”

Dylan nodded at your statement before he continued speaking. “They liked my stuff from American Assassin, and yeah I booked it after that. Her story,” he let out a long sigh, “much more interesting.”

The interviewer looked at you and Dylan motioned for you to speak. “So obviously it’s a action-ey, secret operative, intense and physically demanding movie,” you laughed. “And they contacted me first if I’m being honest.” You smiled. You were proud to say that the director and casting agents had approached you, someone who had never acted a day in their life, first.

“She’s brushing it under the rug,” Dylan held both his hands up around his mouth and fake whispered the words.

“Dylan,” you groaned, not looking for the attention he wanted you to get.

He looked at you with a straight face and then back to the interviewer. “She’s not telling you about all her hidden talents that got her cast.” He said it very matter of factly.

“Oh hidden talents?” The interviewer urged you to share the details, like she didn’t already know. Everyone who walked into that room knew your back story, but made you share it anyway. You sighed and tucked your fingers into the belt loops on your jeans before shrugging.

“So my dad’s a retired Navy SEAL, which should be enough explanation,” you laughed lightly.

“Her dad’s scary,” Dylan whispered again.

You kicked his shin with your heeled timberlands, “my dad isn’t scary,” you replied. “But he had me do competitive shooting when I was younger. I was ranked internationally from the time I was like six or seven onwards.”

The interviewer set her cards down flat on her crossed legs. “Oh so you really knew what you were doing going into this?” She asked.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “I had actually just finished my undergrad degree and I planned on taking a gap year to compete more before I went to law school. But then they contacted me about the role, and I had been a very hard no at first if I’m being honest.”

That statement was a true one. You had just finished your undergraduate degree and wanted to take a gap year to wrap up your career on the competitive shooting circuit for a few years before you went to law school the following fall. When you had received an email directly from the director of the movie, saying that he had been interested in speaking with you, you had originally laughed it off as a well played prank by some internet troll. After showing your dad the email and him confirming where it came from, he urged you to contact the man.

Upon contacting the director he had told you that he was interested in putting you in the role because of your tactical experience and weaponry knowledge. He had stumbled across a few of your competition videos when they were doing research for the part. Aftering watching more and more of your videos and interviews from different competitions, much of the higher up production and writing staff thought you would fit the role perfectly.

After he had sent the script over to you and you read it the first time, you had initially been a hard no for the part. Your co-star, whoever it would be, would also be your romantic interest in the movie and you hadn’t really ever had a serious relationship before. You didn’t know how you were supposed to pull off an on screen relationship, let alone learn a script and all the other mechanisms of acting with zero experience. After meeting the director for lunch and a couple of the other producers for the movie they had talked you through your worries and convinced you to at least audition.

“So after my first audition they called me and asked if I wanted to roll and yeah, law school got pushed off another couple years,” you laughed looking over at Dylan. The movie had been intended to be a series of films, ones that you and Dylan would continue to star in together, but you weren’t quite sure if you wanted to continue your acting career yet.

“She’s scary,” Dylan pointed at you. “Like the first day on set she was already correcting me,” he looked over at you this time. “We met before that obviously, training and all that stuff, but she has absolutely no problem telling me what I’m doing wrong. I was honestly shocked at first.”

You waved your hand to cut him off, “so we all know this is a military, secret operative, that kind of movie. And the two of us are supposed to be very highly trained members of the military and first day on set and this guy is holding the prop gun wrong. He had his thumb up by the part that slides back, the top piece,” you tried to demonstrate with your hands, not wanting to use specific terminology and confuse anyone either. “If that had been real he would have taken his thumb off so,” you shrugged.

“Okay well I didn’t know that then,” he glared at you.

You sighed at his antics and turned back to the interviewer. “Sorry about him, I think they accidentally gave him coffee this morning or something,” you rolled your eyes. Dylan grabbed the rubber band that had been on your wrist and snapped it against your skin making you pinch his arm hair.

“Well, obviously you two have good chemistry together,” she spoke. You and Dylan looked between each other and you crinkled your nose in mock disgust at him. “Oh yeah, fantastic chemistry,” she said and you tried to stop yourself from laughing. “How did you two develop that? Because obviously this film had its share of intimate scenes.”

You looked at Dylan and he motioned for you to speak first, clasping his hands together while he waited for your answer. “Uhh so I’m gonna start this one by saying I learned Dylan’s young acting career was basically just sexual tension and kissing girls. So I assumed he’d know what to do?” You bit your lip knowing it would get a reaction from him.

“Teen wolf was not just about sex, and I think Thomas was like asexual!” He quickly shot back. You rolled your eyes in response before waiting for him to take the lead. “And I feel like we clicked pretty naturally, I couldn’t speak for her on that one though, obviously.”

You looked at Dylan before sighing. “Okay so I can honestly tell you before this movie I had never really made out with a guy,” you laughed. “So we got to set the first day we were shooting a scene like that, it probably had been like three weeks into shooting?” You looked over to Dylan who nodded. “And our director was like ‘just let it come naturally’ and it wouldn’t come naturally!” You laughed feeling your face heat up.

“But here’s where it gets good,” Dylan held a finger up and sat up straighter while he interrupted. “So on that first day filming a kissing scene our director made us stop filming and sent us to my trailer to figure out how to make out more naturally,” he laughed a little bit while you groaned into your hands at the memory.

You rolled your head back and groaned at the memory. “But we didn’t, and that’s the funny part. We went to his trailer and like made lunch, and when we got back apparently we were experts at it.” You shrugged. You remembered that day very well, it had been one of your favorite days of filming, not because of the kissing, but because it proved just how on the same wavelength you and Dylan were.

“So then were the, other,” the interviewer trailed off a little bit, “intimate scenes hard to film too?” You wanted to crawl up in a ball in the corner when you heard that question, and you also knew Dylan understood how you felt. You looked over to him and gave your best pout, hoping that he would take the lead on the question.

Dylan ran a hand over his stubble again and pulled on his chin, “the sex scenes?” You never understood how he was so open about it, but you were glad he was comfortable with himself. “They weren’t hard,” he looked over at you after his terrible joke and you rolled your eyes while he threw you an over the top wink, “to film,” he finished.

“Yeah those days on set you just kind of have to show up and do it, not really think about it.” You agreed. “Dylan’s like, crazy secure in himself, or at least when we were filming those scenes he made it felt like he was secure, it put me at ease,” you loved over and gave him a small smile that he returned. “I’m nervous for when we fly out to New York tomorrow and my parents are at that premier,” you laughed lightly. “Like that has to be so awkward,” you groaned, “I just don’t even know how to handle it.”

Dylan turned to you and rested a hand on your leg. “Professionally. We are professionals,” he said in a funny accent, “we handle it professionally.” You laughed lightly before the interviewer thanked the two of you for your time and you and Dylan stood up to shake her hand before she left.

“Is that the last interview for the day?” You asked Dylan who looked to your PR people who were in the room with you. They nodded and you let out a long sigh before pulling your phone out of your jeans pocket, thankful you were able to have some downtime.

Dylan leaned over you to see the time on your phone and noticed you had a few hours before you needed to start getting ready for the premier later that night. “You wanna order take out at my place?” He asked. “We’re getting ready there anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you smiled and collected your things before waving to your director, who was still finishing interviews, on your way out. You and Dylan walked out from the hotel ballroom that press was going on in and made your way to the back entrance where you knew your car would be waiting. Dylan held the door open for you and allowed you to slip out of the building first, him following close behind you.

You opened the door on the black SUV that had been waiting for the two of you and slipped in, sliding to the other side so Dylan could climb in behind you. “You’ve been handling all of this really well,” he looked over to where you were gazing out the window.

“I’m starting to get run down, if I’m being honest,” you turned to face him. “Is that like normal?” You leaned your head against the door, watching Dylan while he turned to more comfortably face you.

He sighed before lifting his sun glasses up, “it’s normal, yeah.” he nodded with a light frown. “It just sucks y’know? You’re just so not used to all of this and I hate that it's affecting you.” You watched his eyes soften as you rested your legs across his lap. The two of you had gotten more physically comfortable with each other during filming and it wasn’t unusual for other actors on set to find you two napping together somewhere between takes.

“Well,” you mumbled, “at least I have a pretty good teacher to get me through all of it right?” You asked Dylan with a smile. He placed his hand on your shin and started rubbing light circles into your skin while he offered you a smile back.

“Whatever to help make you most comfortable through all of this,” he shrugged while the car pulled up outside his house. You both thanked the driver while you climbed out and Dylan offered you a hand once he had stepped onto the pavement to make sure you wouldn’t trip getting out. You smiled and held on to his hand while you walked to his front door, Dylan punched his key code into the door and pushed it open, pulling you in after him.

He shut the door and let out a deep sigh of relief while setting his keys down in the bowl next to his door. “I just- I need to go put sweatpants on and order crappy food and relax for a few hours,” he mumbled. You watched as he undid his belt and pulled it out of the loops in one swift motion, setting it on the back of his couch. “Oh god,” he turned back around to face you, “I’m sorry. Do you even have anything more comfortable to change into?” He looked over your outside while you walked closer to him, resting your hands on his forearms.

“You need to relax,” you mumbled, “you’re very keyed up today.” You felt his muscles relax under your grip and he let out a long sigh. “No I don’t have anything else to change into but it’s fine,” you let go of his arms and stepped away. “Here,” he held out his hand for you to take again. You gripped it and felt his fingers close around yours as he pulled you in the direction of his bedroom.

Once inside you watched him open a drawer and pull out two pairs of gray sweatpants. He held a pair out to you and slung the other over his shoulder and started to undo the button on his khakis. You felt your face heating up and turned away, going to walk towards the bathroom when Dylan calling your name got your attention. “I’ve had on screen sex with you,” he laughed lightly, “you don’t have to be uncomfortab;e changing in front of me.” He pulled the sweatpants over his legs.

You sighed and sat down on his bed, bending down to unlace your timberlands before discarding them in the middle of his floor. You stood up and felt Dylan’s eyes on you and turned around to face him.

“What’s that about?” You asked while you unbutton your jeans. You saw Dylan swallow thickly while you slid down your zipper, his eyes staying locked with yours while you did. You watched as his eyes trailed down your body, stopping where he saw your fingers hooked into your belt loops.

He stepped closer to you and hooked his fingers into the same loops as yours, pulling you closer to him. “Well you see,” he breathed out, “I worked on a movie with this really, really attractive girl.” He looked up into yours eyes again. “And I’ve wanted to make a move for months now but haven’t been able to,” his eyes flickered down to your lips. “But it's getting really, really hard not to,” his nose was almost brushing against yours now.

“Well,” you mumbled, “maybe you should make a move and see what happens.” Dylan leaned forward and pushed his lips against yours, the familiar feeling rushing through your body. You had kissed Dylan enough to know he was good at it, but until now there had been nothing attached to it.

Once you pulled back to catch your breath Dyaln smiled, “thank god,” he laughed resting his forehead against yours. “I’ve been dying to do that for months.”

#dylan obrien #dylan obrien imagine #teen wolf #dylan o'brien #anna writes #ask

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heyyyharry · 5 years

Text

Father’s Day

(from ‘Couple in Flat 102’)

…in which Y/N finally meets Harry’s dad, who comes with another surprise.

I AM BACK WITH THE COUPLE WE LOVE! Sorry for the drought, I hope you’ll enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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When Harry broke the news to his fiancé, she was sitting in the bathtub with music blasting from the phone she put on the marble sink. He was actually surprised she still brought her phone with her into the bathroom after having dropped it in the tub twice or so. But that wasn't a problem compared to what he wanted to say.

"Honey!" He turned the music off, trying to catch his breath and leaving her startled. "We're going to meet my dad tomorrow."

Without waiting for a response, he quickly walked over to sit on the edge of the tub, intense green eyes staring into hers as he held her face between his two hands.

"I'm so sorry, love."

"Sorry? Why?" She grabbed his wrists, raising an eyebrow. "That's actually great! It's Father's day tomorrow right? I was gonna ask you if—"

"Idon'tthinkyou'regonnalikemydad!"

"What?"

"I—" He shut his eyes, releasing the heaviest sigh she'd ever heard. "I don't...think you're gonna like my dad."

There was a reason Harry rarely talked about his father. Devlin Styles had always been talked about. The man had a big reputation in the business industry; therefore Harry had to lie too many times at job interviews that they weren't father and son. Devlin owned a corporation based in San Francisco, married again to another rich woman and they had two young daughters whom Harry had never seen since his high school graduation. The last time he had met the man in person was a few days before he graduated from university. But he had never told Y/N about it because he thought it wasn't important anyway.

Harry grew up with his mum so it was obvious that he loved Anne way much more. But that didn't mean he hated Devlin for never sticking around. He knew his old man lived too far away and was always too busy to pay them a visit. But Devlin still called to talk to his children whenever he got time. He'd paid most of Harry's tuition fees during his academic years and taught Harry everything he needed to know in order to succeed in the business world. So the young man always had high respect for his father. The only problem was that Devlin had never been a soft dad. No, his love was the toughest kind of fatherly love Harry had ever seen. He assumed his old man had run a corporation for too long so he treated his children no different from his favorite employees. But Devlin Styles had always been known for being one of the most hard-to-please bosses.

When Harry told Devlin he was dating Y/N, the father wasn't impressed by her background but he didn't say anything about it. He had assumed the kids were young and wouldn't last more than a couple months. But those couple months had soon turned to years, and now they were already engaged. Harry was scared shitless when he video called his dad to break the news of his engagement. He was afraid Devlin would disapprove. Strangely however, the man didn't even try to talk his son out of it. Instead he happily invited them both out of lunch when he arrived in London on Father's Day.

"No, H, this is good! mean, your dad finally asked to see me. That's a big step."

Y/N seemed too excited, which wasn't a good thing, because the more thrilled she was to see his father, the more disappointed she would get.

"He's the best salesman I've ever known, love. He's a great liar. You'll never know what he's actually thinking."

The girl chuckled at her future husband, thinking he was overthinking. "He's still your dad."

"Yeah, so I know him better than you." Harry sighed as he popped the soap bubble on her bare shoulder. "I don't want him to scare you. You might not even want to marry me after meeting him."

"I'm marrying you not your dad." Y/N rolled her eyes, kissing the dry patch on the back of his hand before bringing it back to her cheek. "And if we're gonna be husband and wife I'm gonna have to face him eventually, even if he hates me. But don't worry. I'm good at making people love me."

Harry couldn't argue with that. She was very lovable and he didn't say it because she was going to be his wife. She had made someone like him and her grumpy boss Jack fall head over heels for her. Maybe she could make it on his father's good list. He really hoped his optimism didn't fail him this time.

"Okay.." He nodded. "I'll confirm with his assistant than."

That reply made the girl laugh.

"I'm serious," he said with a straight face, which killed off her beam instantly. "I have to email her and everything."

"Oh..." She swallowed hard and that reaction made him chuckle.

Kissing her on the lips, Harry marched to the bathroom door where he paused and turned to ask her one last time if she still wanted to go. The answer he received was still a solid yes. With a smile, he thought, how could anyone not love this woman?

Y/N knew Harry from inside out, more than she knew herself sometimes. She could tell when something was bothering him even though he didn't want to admit that it was. So no matter how much he tried to cover up the fact that he was nervous to meet his own father, he still couldn't hide it from her. They arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early because Harry had said his father hated tardy people. It felt more like a business meeting than a family one, but Y/N didn't want to put more pressure on Harry by telling him so.

The waiter returned with a menu, and Harry ordered two glasses of house white while they waited for the other Styles. From her seat Y/N had a view of the entrance, only a few families came and left. After all, it was Father's Day. She shifted in her seat, checking her watch before applying another coat to her already pink lips. With nothing else to do she paid attention to the ambient music for a few moments, guessing the words of the song she'd never heard before. Harry kept perusing the menu, probably to hide the fact that he kept fidgeting with the napkin to calm his own nerves. So Y/N thought she should find something to distract him.

"Hey, baby."

She squeezed his hand, giving him a smile and nodded her head towards a table nearby where sat a happy family of four. The husband over there was listening to his wife telling him about something seemingly exciting. It might be a story about a vacation they had always dreamed of, or just her finally finding the motivation to take up cooking classes again; whatever it was, you could see in the look of his eyes that he was besotted with his woman. Their two children were the most beautiful babies Y/N had ever seen, both were just laughing while toying with the vegetables on their plates instead of trying to disturb their parents from their ongoing conversation.

"That's gonna be us in a couple of years," Y/N said to Harry, resulting in a smile on his handsome face. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and told her their babies were gonna be more beautiful. Shifting his eyes a bit to the left, Harry had his sight fixed on a table in the far corner as he pointed out for her to see.

"That's gonna be Layla and Niall," he said, holding back a chuckle.

Y/N nearly choked on her water when she saw the family her fiancé was referring to. The wife was nagging the husband probably for something he'd done to make their baby cry. The poor man was still trying to calm the little one, and admittedly she could imagine Niall in his position.

"But don't tell Layla." Harry laughed. "She's gonna strangle me."

The engaged couple tried to compress their laughter, like two young kids at the back of the class finding something funny but not wanting to draw to much attention to them. But the lighthearted moment didn't last for too long. Soon after that, Devlin Styles arrived.

The man was dressed in a dark blue suit and a silk tie, like he was on his way to see a client and not just there for lunch with his son and daughter-in-law. With a phone in hand, he followed a waiter towards their table, dimples indented on his face as he finally spotted Harry. Y/N had seen photos of him before, had Harry not shown them to her, she still could have googled the name and got tons of results. For a man nearly fifty-five, he couldn't have looked better in real life, exactly how Y/N had imagined Harry would look like when he grew old. Unlike her own father, Devlin was in such a good shape. Neither the grey strands nor the wrinkles could hide the fact that the man was good-looking. His green eyes shone like two emeralds as well, but she failed to see the softness in them like she did in Harry's.

"Harry, kid. Long time no see! How are you?"

"I'm great, dad. How are you?"

Y/N observed when her future husband got up to hug his dad. The hug was rather awkward, it wasn't one you would give someone in the family, it was more hugging for the sake of it. But Y/N chose not to say a word about that as she put on a smile and introduced herself while shaking his hand.

"So nice to finally meet you, Miss. Y/L/N."

"You can call me Y/N."

There was an awkward pause as he stared at her like she'd just said something dumb. In those two seconds, she felt like she was just one word away from the end of the world. But Devlin quickly threw on another smile and asked both her and Harry to sit down, completely ignoring the previous thing she'd said.

"Let's order! I'm starving!" Harry broke the awkward silence as he reached for the menu, yet Devlin stopped him at once.

"Let's wait a bit more," the father said.

"Are we expecting someone else?" Harry asked, exchanging looks of confusion with Y/N.

Devlin didn't even have to answer that question. The second Harry had finished it, both him and his fiancé could pick out the pretty blonde in the spaghetti strap dress who followed another group of customers into the restaurant. Growing up seeing that face, how could Harry possibly forget?

"Ollie?!"

He could barely say that name without making it heavy with breath. Olivia stopped dead in her tracks when she saw that he and Y/N were also sitting at the table. Apparently, she didn't know that they were gonna be there, so Harry assumed his own father had something to do with it.

When Olivia said goodbye to him in Cheshire, he didn't expect that they would ever meet again. So the last thing he would've thought was for them to run into each other in a situation like this. But Olivia didn't come alone. It wasn't too long until she had joined them at the table that Thomas Hase, her father, showed up. This man had been Devlin's business partners for years, and Harry should've known better than to believe the purpose of that lunch was for his father to get to know Y/N. It was never that simple when it came to Devlin Styles. He didn't know what the man was up to, but he was definitely up to something; and Olivia, just like him, just like Y/N, was a piece in this chess game.

"What is happening, H? Why are they here?" Y/N whispered into his ear, her voice was frantic and he knew for sure she was freaking out. So he told her everything was fine and pulled her chair closer to his so he could wrap an arm around her to the other three's surprise. When he looked up and met the eyes of Olivia who gave him an apologetic grin, he smiled back. But the feeling wasn't like the last time he saw her. This time, it was like they were just strangers to each other.

The lunch had a quite a good start as Devlin explained that since it was Father's Day and the Hases were out celebrating as well, he thought it might be fun to get together, for Harry and Olivia to meet again, and also for Harry to show off his new fiancé; but Harry knew only half of it was the truth. He didn't believe in coincidence when it came to his father. With Devlin, everything was a part of his plan, no matter how small.

The thing that Harry found most bizarre besides the fact that Olivia was there, was the fact that she was there with her father. Before saying her first goodbye to Harry and disappearing for years, Olivia had mentioned more than once that her parents hadn't been living together. Mr. and Mrs. Hase were still married at the time, but that poor woman had decided to just turn a blind eye to whoever her husband was sleeping with. So Harry had admired Olivia for how strong she'd been. Nobody knew a broken family better than her. He guessed that was why she'd become a bird who loved to fly from one place to another with fear of being tied down. She had also sworn to Harry that she would never forgive Thomas for abandoning her mother. So her choosing a long term job to work for the man she loathed just didn't make any sense.

As Harry was trying to figure out a way to ask Olivia about why she'd come back to England, the topic had been changed to Y/N's job. She was telling everyone at the table about what she was doing, with the same spark in her eyes whenever she talked about the things she loved. Harry could read the looks on the older men's faces to realize they still didn't take her seriously, and it drove him mad. If it wasn't his love that was talking, he would just interrupt to say something about it.

"Oh, you work with Coleman, right?" Devlin asked, squinting his eyes as if to recall meeting Jack Coleman before.

"Yes, sir."

"Great kid. Great visionary. I don't know why you're bothered to stay with Harry and not someone like that guy."

"Dad," Harry grumbled, clearly unamused, but his father only laughed.

"What? I'm telling the truth."

"Harry, your father is just teasing you," said Thomas as he patted his old friend on the back, pointing to Olivia who had been trying her best to stay out of the conversation. "I do that to Livy all the time and she always reacts the same as you."

"Remember when they were kids and used to have sleepovers every week," Devlin joined in. "You actually had to warn Anne to keep an eye on these naughty children so that they couldn't do the things they shouldn't."

"Dad!" Both Harry and Olivia shouted at the same time, causing people from the tables behind turn their heads in their direction.

"We're just reminiscing about the past, dear." The older Styles shook his head, pointing to his son and Olivia with the fork in his hand. "We actually thought you two would get married someday."

"But it's never gonna happen." It didn't take a genius to realize how annoyed Harry was this time. "I'm engaged and you're here to get to know Y/N, remember?"

"Fair." Devlin wiped his mouth and raised both eyebrows as he suggested, "so Miss Y/L/N should come with Thomas and I for a coffee later, you and Livy can catch up with each other alone."

Y/N opened her mouth to speak for herself, but Harry didn't want to wait for a reaction from his woman so he could stand up for her. He squeezed her shoulder and asserted, "we're not going anywhere without each other."

"A few years into marriage you're gonna regret saying that, kid."

That sentence was the final straw for both Harry and Y/N, yet he didn't get to say the last word. She stood up, shrugging away his hand and excusing herself from the table immediately.

It wasn't until Y/N was alone, pondering in the hallway at the very back of the restaurant, that she finally started to feel terrible for walking away. She was pacing back in forth in guilt. It was reasonable for her to not want to stay at the table, since those two men were pushing her to her limits, but she wasn't there for them, she was there for Harry. And by leaving him sitting there like a fool, she had probably failed to be a good wife. So the second she saw his face as he walked through the doorway to look for her, she ran back to him and said they should both head back to their seats.

Harry didn't wait for her to finish. He grabbed her face, and without a pause, leaned down to kiss her warm lips. As they broke apart, taking shallow breaths, forehead against one another, he stroked her cheeks and told her, "let's go home."

"Go home?" She furrowed her brows. "We haven't finished lunch with your dad yet."

"But there's not only my dad, and he was being mean to you anyway," he said with a sigh. "I'm so sorry, love. I should never have asked you to come."

"It's fine. I—"

"Come on." Once again, he interrupted her with another kiss. Smiling, he said, "we can get ice cream on our way home, yeah?"

"Okay..." She nodded, grinning from ear to ear. The couple held hands and were about to walk back inside, but the second they turned around, his father was already standing at the entrance. There were just the three of them in that narrow hallway and a few restaurant staff walking back and forth. Devlin Styles clearly wasn't happy with how the lunch had turned out. He stood there, hands in his pockets, and let the silence remain for a couple seconds more before he told Harry they needed to talk.

"Sorry, dad. We gotta go."

"Five minutes." Devlin raised his right palm. Harry was about to say something else, not wanting to have a private conversation, but it was Y/N who persuaded him to.

"Go talk to your father." She tugged on his arm and kissed his cheek. "It's fine. I can wait five minutes."

"Okay," he finally said as he turned back to her, holding her shoulders. "Go and wait for me outside. Five minutes and we'll go."

She gave him a smile and a simple nod, then said goodbye to his father before walking away. But all she received from the man was an indifferent glance and utter silence. His green eyes were still stone-cold.

"Hey," Olivia said with a beam when Y/N returned to the table and saw only her sitting there. The blonde said that her father had just received a work call and left without telling her why. She didn't want everyone to return to an empty table so she stayed for a bit more.

"Trouble with Devlin?" She asked as Y/N took her seat and gulped her champagne all at once.

"He hates me," she said, hearing a slight laugh from Olivia.

"He doesn't hate you."

"You probably can't see it because he likes you."

"Oh, trust me, honey. He doesn't," the blonde scoffed, eyes widened as she reached for the bottle in the middle of the table and poured herself another full glass. "He doesn't like my dad either."

"Then why—"

"He wants to acquire my family's business, and my dad's considering selling it to my cousin, because he only wants to sell it to my family."

"So Devlin wants Harry to become your family..."

"Guess so." Olivia rolled her eyes and picked up her half-emptied glass, a smirk spread across her well-defined face. "I was told it was gonna be a father-daughter lunch so I was just as shocked as you were."

"Why are you—"

"Working for my dad?" The blonde chuckled. "Well, I got into some trouble in Taiwan and I had no other choice but to call him for help. He only agreed if I returned the favor by coming back to England to work for him. So here I am. Though my boss is kind of an asshole, it's not really a bad job and I need the money anyway." Then she sighed and drank the rest of what she'd got left, pointing a finger to Y/N. "Consider yourself lucky," she said.

"Why?" Y/N chuckled, completely bemused.

"Because you're free to do whatever you want, got a future husband who would do anything for you." Olivia gave her a shrug, twitching her mouth. "I mean, not everyone will give up an entire empire for the one he loves."

"Wait, what?" Y/N's eyes went round in reaction to the words she'd just heard.

"You mean you didn't know?" Olivia scrunched up her face. "Harry was meant to take over Devlin's company. That's why he went to business school in the first place. But he turned down the offer right before graduation because of you. If he'd taken the job, he would've had to move to San Francisco, but he chose you. Devlin and him got into a very big fight about it and hadn't spoken again until he announced the engagement."

Then she took a once-over at the girl who was too startled to speak. "Trust me," she assured. "My dad has ears everywhere."

"Don't walk away from me, Harry." Those words managed to keep Harry standing still, but it didn't change his decision to walk away from the conversation. He was already devastated to find out the true purpose of their meeting today, and he couldn't bare listening to another one of his father's mean words about the girl he chose to marry.

"I have nothing else to say to you," he swung his arms, laughing wryly. "I've respected you my whole life, and you just cannot do the same to me, nor to the woman I love." He paused to suck in a breath, hands in his pockets as he carried on, "I was so happy to finally have your approval but it turns out I'm only a part of your fucked up plan for a business acquisition?! Are you even my father?"

"You think I'm doing this for me? I'm doing this for you as well, you're being blind." Devlin was starting to lose his patience. "If you marry Olivia, you get to be a CEO of your old man's enterprise and have the Hases in the palm of your hand. Love is stupid anyway. It won't matter in couple years, kid."

"Yeah." Harry nodded fast, exhaling as he said, "you told me that when I was a kid. I remember. I grew up thinking it was true, that love was stupid and family was the only important thing. But everything's changed. I'm twenty four years old and I'm marrying my best friend, whom I love. She matters to me, more than anything in the world, right now more than you. I would die for her without a second thought." Harry heaved a sigh as his expression hardened. "But you were right about one thing, family is important. That's why I'm sorry, but I cannot choose money over my family."

Devlin was at a loss for words as he stood there with both hands on his hips, gawking at the boy he'd raised. It took him a moment to finally speak.

"I didn't put you into a business school so you could be this short-sighted."

"Then let me be." Harry shrugged. "It's my life, I don't care what you think. Are you gonna fire me from being your son?"

"I wish I could." When those four words were spoken, both men knew their relationship would never be the same.

"I'm gonna get back to my wife. Goodbye and...Happy Father's Day, dad," Harry said at last, eyes on his feet as he walked back to the doorway, there he paused and turned around one last time. "Don't worry," he said. "You're not invited to our wedding anymore."

Harry headed back to the table where he found Y/N chatting with Olivia. Right now, the other girl was the least of his concern, he didn't even say a single word to her as he took his lover's hand and told her they could now go home. He was in a hurry to leave so he didn't really paid attention to her facial expression, but he noticed she was awfully quiet.

It wasn't until they had both got into his car and he was about to start the engine, that she decided to break the silence.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were supposed to take over your dad's company?"

Her question left him speechless for a second. Then he quickly realized Olivia might have told her something when he wasn't there.

"I didn't think it was important," he replied shortly. "I turned it down anyway."

"Because of me?"

"No, because of me. I wanted to stay in London with you."

"You could've had it all Harry."

Her strange attitude really got on his nerves. He didn't get into a big fight with his father to come out and hear her say the same things. Sadness clouded his features as he turned to her and asked, "are you implying that I should leave you and be with Olivia? Is that what you want? For me to live the life my dad wants me to?"

The girl's expression dulled as she swallowed and slowly shook her head no, eyes on her lap instead of him.

"Then why are we talking about this, Y/N?"

"Because I don't want you to throw away such opportunity for me," she finally admitted. "What if...What if our future isn't what we expect? What if we turn into those fighting parents instead? I don't want you to look back a few years later and regret choosing me over a great career. You wouldn't have to drive a car that breaks down every once in a while. You could have a big house and you wouldn't even have to take care of your own pets."

"First off, I love my car and I love taking care of Treasure, but most importantly, I love you." He cupped her face with one hand so she would look at him. "I don't need anything to be different. I can still have a great career without my dad. One day I'm gonna get you your own car with my own money."

"I can't drive."

The sound of her giggle eased his mind because he hated when they fought even if it was for just a minute or even less. "And a personal driver," he corrected himself, earning another big smile from her. "Don't ever doubt my feelings for you, okay? No matter how much I tell you I love you—"

"—you always love me more than that," she finished his sentence before leaning in and kissing him full on the mouth.

"Good girl." He pinched her cheek, eyes sparked with joy.

There was a surprise waiting for him back home. As soon as they arrived at their flat, she made him wait on the couch and hurried into the kitchen, telling him to sit there with his eyes shut tight and no peeking. Anticipation was killing Harry but he did as he was told and waited for her to come back and tell him that he could now take a look.

"Ta-da!" She shouted out, holding up a chocolate cake before his eyes and their cat Treasure was in her lap, meowing at him. "Happy Father's Day!"

He looked at her funny, so she said, "you're Treasure's father, and the future father of my babies so it's also your day."

"Wow." He was stunned, but at the same time feeling ecstatic. He kissed her on the cheek and mumbled a tender "thank you" as he was still a little bit shy, yet as he assumed that was it for her surprise, she put the cake down on the coffee table and admitted that there was more.

"It's already June," she began while fidgeting. "And if it wasn't for my brother we might have been married by now. But Darren has been recovering fast and he's gonna leave the hospital next week. His divorce with Emily is pretty much settled, they're meeting their lawyer at the end of the month to finish it at once."

Harry plastered a smile on his face as he heard her. "So you're saying..."

"Yes." Her smile grew. "Let's get married!"

"Now?"

The way his mouth fell open had her dying of laughter.

"Next week," she finally said. "Is it okay?"

"Y-Yeah. It's definitely okay. It's great. Perfect!" He nodded so fast he thought his head was about to fall off. Holding her by the hips, he dragged her and their cat to his lap and started showering her face with dainty kisses. Her giggles rang through his ears making his heart flutter. "I know I said I could wait and all but it's been torturing."

"Soon, husband." Her eyebrow rose, leaving a Cheshire Cat grin on his gorgeous face that she loved. But it only took a couple seconds for her smile to slip as she said to him, "I'm sorry your father's not gonna be at our wedding."

"It's okay." He sighed, still the beam remained. "Let's not think about that and be happy for us, yeah?"

She snorted, looking down at Treasure while petting her. "You know, when we first started dating I thought if one of parents wasn't gonna be at our wedding it would be my mum."

"When we first started dating?! Woman, you've been fantasizing about making me your husband since day one?"

Y/N cracked a smile, brushing the strand that tumbled in front of his face out of the way so she could kiss his forehead. "Believe it or not, I've known that you're my person since day one."

Hearing just that made his heart full.

"Believe it or not," he said after a moment of silence, staring into her eyes. "So have I."

#flatmate!harry #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles series #boyfriend!harry #harry styles fanfictions

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liam-93-productions · 5 years

Link

It has been six uninterrupted years of producing albums, clips, interviews, TV shows, magazine covers, traveling the world with four other companions. Liam Payne has gained fame and can finally achieve his dream of living of music, but he has had to make individual concessions and find a compromise with One Direction teammates to make the boyband one of the biggest musical attractions of the last decade.

When the time came to go your own way, a new challenge: finding your own voice, your own sound. For some, it all flowed naturally - as for Harry Styles and Niall Horan who go on to their second solo album. However, for Liam, the years of making his decisions only intensified this search. But the good news is: the search is finally over!

Days before "Stack It Up" was announced, POPline was contacted to talk to Liam. The curious thing is, we had no idea what we were specifically going to talk about. My first thought was “there should be some news out there”, but in an immediate world where the single or album does not always have an ad itself, the subject of the interview could be anything. Until the song was released for my hearing a matter of hours before the chat.

The mystery was my introduction and I was surprised at what had arrived in my email. “Glad you heard it. So, did you like it?” He asked, laughing, grateful for the positive response. “I know fans are looking forward to an album release again, but we had a tight schedule, releases of other artists and it was hard to organize the perfect time for this release, but it finally worked out!”, told me. Throughout the call, the singer was very confident with what he's putting on the market and most of all… happy!

Stack It Up is a sure thing for the radios. Like a more mature, full-bodied cousin of “Strip That Down,” Liam's most successful solo song, it brings back the partnership with Ed Sheeran and Steve Mac. Don't mess with the winning team? ”I asked. “[Laughs] I feel so lucky to be able to work with artists and producers I really like, very talented people. Strip That Down was a big hit and I'm very proud of this new song. Really, ”he reassures me with confidence. “The song is very Ed Sheeran and please don't say my ear betrayed me because I hear it in the background,” I commented. “Um… [think about how to answer me] Ed has a habit of putting his voice here and there in the songs so I guess you can tell that he's somehow there too.”

The "urban" vein common between "Strip That Down" and "Stack It Up" is not random or intended to go well on the world charts again. It means that Liam hit the hand and found his identity as an artist. “I think you can say yes, that I found my sound. It's no secret to anyone that I really like the mix of pop with R&B, urban sound, and 'Strip that Down', 'Stack it Up' set the mood, the intent of what I really enjoy doing and my first album reflects this reference I have very much”.

“So it's 100% official: we have a solo album ready,” I went forward. “We have (laughs)! Finally! ”, Follows Liam, understanding the urgency of such a question. Since “Strip That Down” came out, it's been two and a half years of testing. In addition to partnering with Quavo, later in 2017 Liam threw himself into the mix with "Get Low" electronic and pop music and returned to pop / R & B with "Bedroom Floor." The following year, "For You" with Rita Ora, "Familiar" with J Balvin, the EP "First Time" and finally "Polaroid" with Jonas Blue and Lennon Stella. Stack it Up is its first release in 2019 and we are approaching the end of September.

“Wow, I recorded a lot! A lot of things. There were so many that I can't say for sure now how many songs exactly were recorded for this album, but in the end we got 14 tracks, ”he told us. I asked if songs already released will be on the album, Liam confirmed, but didn't say which and how many. Ballads? We will have too. “I think you can tell there is at least one ballad on the album. It is really what I wanted it to be. Maybe that's why it took a while to happen, ”he confesses. The exact date he did not say and this time the answer was short: "in a few months."

When he came to Brazil the penultimate time, Liam sat with us for a video chat and showed interest in permeating the first album as a playlist. The idea stuck, he said, revealing that Post Malone's latest album has tracks that are soundly similar to the album tracks we don't know yet. “It was supposed to be a tip, but it made me more curious,” I said. He laughed keeping the mystery. Asked about producers and partnerships on the album Liam said that at the moment can not give more details. For an artist who has been charged for more than two years for a solo album, the timing is one of caution and to stick to a planning made for months. So it is more than understandable a certain silence. Liam has not refused to answer any questions, but with incredible sympathy cannot reveal to us nuances of the project.

#liam payne #popline #stack it up #liam's interviews #18.09.2019

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flameontheotherside · 6 years

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But What Now?

Had a talk with my mom again. Joked about becoming a nun. No, I'm not going to do that. I wouldn't conceive the thought of the lifestyle seriously. In other words I wouldn't make an obedient nun. Whatever that means. Last night we were talking about how I feel about seeing other people. Okay, I'm not one of those that have a "type". I'm pretty all inclusive you know how like dating is like going on a job interview lmao. Like how it's in print about non discrimination and blah blah. In other words I'm not rigid. I have an open mind. Some people can surprise you.

My mom is going to a shelter. Just staying there during the week and stay with me on the weekend.... But my lease is almost up and Ive not a single clue where I'll end up. I can't be apart from my cat. He's like my son lol. My big baby. One things for sure....

I don't want to spend another year cohabitating with this guy.

Would rather sleep next to a pee-drenched pervy old guy under a bridge. Looks like I'm going to be a troll afterall. *cue Sarah Mclaughlin music* OK ok I shouldn't make light of it. Common sense says I need to go with my mom but my heart says that I belong with my cat Odin. He's attached to me too. He's my big fat fluffy security blanket. I don't want to stay with another man that thinks I'm "retarded".

Yes it sounds corny and a little cheesey but idk, not exactly sure, at this point I'm speculating. There is someone there, I just don't know if he's real or just really in my imagination. Normally I laugh at this kind of stuff... Ugh I'm being given hints but it doesn't make sense to me. I feel like some of my clients who don't understand time not being linear.

See, the problem is I think too much.

Like I'm in my head 75% of the time constantly putting pieces together. It doesn't make sense. Now, I definitely feel like Sheldon Cooper with my mental whiteboard for days without sleep just:

I kind of want to spend some time alone but I've kinda been alone the past 3 years. Have this nagging feeling something is up. Last night after meeting Bragi in the realms and all, I wanted to look him up. Must be from the peace realm. What is so significant?!

Oh... Speaking of which Jose hit me up. I'm avoiding him. He knows who I am and I know him. He's okay but kind of questionable? Something just isn't right about him. I don't mean to judge but I feel uncomfortable hanging out with him again. Hercules. The funny thing is I met him on the bus and thought he was a total freak. We got to talking about supernatural stuff. Then he pretty much disclosed who he was. I confirmed and wanted to leave it at that but I'm "too nice". Gave him my number in case he needed help with waking up. Dumb on my part, told him who I was and now hes in love with me... He doesn't have any direction or aspirations other than getting in to fights. Give me a break I mean a guy who has his shit together and you know responsible, motivated, not an asshole, not an addict with a good head of thier shoulders... Would be great. A unicorn.

Would like to meet Bragi though.

Alarms are going off but it doesn't make sense. I don't understand how he's popping up everywhere. Kinda want to see why. Maybe just ask him what his deal is. He comes by a lot. Haven't had a visitor like that since Odin and well I lost a friend here on tumblr (Ishtar) so she won't be my friend anymore because of Vanessa's involvement with him. She has Odin on a leash. It broke my heart because it was a misunderstanding. Odin is cool and very funny. Bragi is kind of shy so idk...I can't help but feel he's important. Why though? Knowing Vanessa she would spring this up on me. She must have had a thing with him. Oh lord. I lost count. This might be yet another spiritual fanboy from home.

Erik and Vanessa say I'm developing a crush on him. They got to be joking. That's impossible. I don't even know a Bragi and don't suspect I will. Which leads me back to that dropdead gorgeous Joe character from that show called "YOU". They are telling me that actor is Bragi but it doesn't make sense. Therfore I'm stumpt.... Maybe someone I don't know yet but resembles him? No, that's stupid. I'm going to just stick with trying to get more info out of Bragi. If he even talks. Poke him a little. Idk... Maybe just give up. Eh, maybe he's another Jose I will meet. Jesus with my luck he will be just as creepy and fucked up. Now I want to avoid all public transportation. Then on the other hand... If he's not a rediculously attractive loser, you know minus the loser part. Yeah no, well...not possible. I'm never that lucky.

... That's it I'm just going to get Bragi to spill it.

😘 💞 💕 ❤️ I love you guys!

Don't forget to submit a Twin Flame reading for free at TwinFlameMedium.Com and I provide detailed and lengthy readings starting at $5 per question at Store.TwinFlameMedium.Com

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theroninknight · 2 years

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Dodging bullets

I pray.

Not because I believe God will magically make things happen regardless of my own efforts, but because I believe God will do what they want irregardless of my desires.

(If irregardless bothers you just stop reading)

I believe in a balance. Karma, if you want to call it that, and a will of the universe all manifesting into the being we call God. If you're susceptible to hear them, they are always speaking, you just have to listen.

I had a job interview that I really wanted to make happen and the end result was nothing but frustration.

Starts with a call after I placed the application, inquiring about an interview. I tell them I'm interested and they let me know they'll have to contact me later with an appointment. That was a Thursday. Monday comes and I figure I'll just call and see what happened. Goes straight to voice-mail and I get a response later that evening. Interview for that Wednesday. Wednesday comes, I nail the interview, they ask for a assessment the next day. Typical in the industry so I agree to a time and they say at least 3 times they'll call before the assessment. Time comes, I end up calling them 5 mins after the scheduled start. We do the assessment, which was a quick 5 question answer test and I email it back. No response that day. Holiday comes up a few days later so I give them the benefit of doubt and call later in the week. Voice-mail that routes to another individual but no answer. Few days later finally gets an email saying I didn't get the job from someone I never met but cool beans, at least I got a confirmation. Now at this point I'm glad I didn't get the job cause it took more than a week for me to hear from them whereas my wife says I'm lucky to hear anything at all. I understand companies can get busy and behind but it also shows me what kind of folks I'll be dealing with. So another week pass, I get an email at night asking if I want to retake the assessment. Mind you of the 5 questions, I got 2 wrong by leaving off half the answer. In math, showing your work is worth half the points so I figured if your gonna time me and I at least get half of it right that should count for something but in this case I guess I was wrong. Now at this point, I really don't want to be there due to the poor communication so far but I figure I could humor them and answer the entire thing and see what happens. We agree on a date and time and buckle down to make sure I don't mess up twice. Agreed upon time arrives and...nothing. a full hour and a half passes before I'm contacted with "I had a meeting that ran late. Would you want to reschedule?"

No thanks.

My time is precious and if this is how you treat me now, Lord knows what will happen after I actually start working for you. I had a pit in my stomach ever since I first had to call back for the initial interview that got worse with each subsequent call. I can never get my time back and yet I'm expected to dole it out for them to decide on a whim if they want me.

I believe you should be willing to fight for the position you want but I also believe they have to prove themselves at the same time. A company that can't even acquire new hires properly, is a sign that they either don't want you or are so understaffed you're walking into a war zone.

End of the day, I'm glad I didn't get the position because this position requires some on the job training that I can't be certain they would have given. Last thing I need is to be there six months and have the next company question why I wanted to leave so soon.

Always trust your gut. It just may be God's way of letting you know something isn't right.

#personal #rant #bad vibes #trust the process

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comicsinkcorporated-blog · 6 years

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Interview with Screaming Villains, developer of Night Trap 25th anniversary.

CI: So how did development for Night Trap 25th anniversary first come about?

SV: It honestly started out as sort of a joke. Sometime after the failed Kickstarter, hardcore fans started attempting to recreate their own remake of Night Trap and some gaming sites were writing articles about it which I found kind of odd especially since they either didn't work or barely worked. I was already messing around with FMV stuff as a hobby and a friend of mine came up with the idea of myself making a working version running on a phone.

I threw it together in about 3-4 days, posted a video of myself playing it on Youtube and sort of remained anonymous about it. I got a local arcade owner that I know to post the video on his Facebook account since he was friends with an absurd amount of retro gamers and it started to spread and got about 5000 views within the first 24 hours.

The website fmvworld.com found it too and decided to contact Rob Fulop (one of the creators of Night Trap) to get his opinion on it. Another website called segabits.com also contacted Tom Zito (producer of Night Trap) to find out if he had any involvement so that sort of put me on their radar. After that I figured "what the hell?" and sent an email to Tom at about 3am and got a response in about 15 minutes. He just asked a couple of questions about it and asked for my phone number. The next day, he called me and 20 minutes into the conversation he asked if I would like to do an official version and I said yes.

CI: Limited Run Games PS4 version of Night Trap remains their fastest selling game, while the Nintendo Switch version may end up being their best selling game. Were you surprised by the popularity of this remaster?

SV: I don't think anyone was expecting that. It just came out of nowhere which I think helped a lot so thank god my friends were able to keep their mouth shut while I was working on it. Originally, there was only going to be 5000 copies of the game available. Once the announcement was made Josh Fairhurst from Limited Run Games and myself were pretty much stuck on Twitter the entire day so we definitely wasn't expecting the reaction it got.

After that, Josh said something like "We might need to increase the quantity" which at the time I don't think they ever exceeded 5000 on a game so it got bumped up to 6000. After that, he came back again and said "Maybe we should add a collectors edition" so now we're at 8000 for PS4. Then it was "Let's release a big box version for PC" so now there's another 2000. It just kept growing and growing and still didn't meet demand. What's funny is the guy that made the announcement trailer and myself was constantly googling Night Trap that day just to see what was being said but then we went to the trending section on Youtube and we're like "Oh my god! The trailer is trending higher than Gucci Mane!" For a brief moment a game that a lot of people considered terrible was all of a sudden popular and I think that's rad.

CI: What do you think it is about Night Trap that has made it so beloved amongst fans?

SV: It has a b-movie feel to it and doesn't take itself seriously. A lot of hate that it gets is sort of undeserving. The popular ones are usually "this is barely a game" or "this has bad acting". NT was made 5 years before it was finally released and intended for a console that used VHS tapes and the acting is very similar to 80's horror/thriller films. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time period when it was finally released in 1992 and at that point nobody was really reminiscing about the 80's like they do today. The fans that are super hardcore about Night Trap are usually gamers that have a great interest in movies in general. What surprised me was the number of people that I've talked to that said Digital Pictures influenced them to pursue a career in the film or tv industry.

CI: Were there any notable, unforeseen difficulties during development?

SV: Engine restrictions was the biggest issue. I figured out pretty quickly that a lot of the gaming engines available weren't really designed with FMV in mind so because of this I think the video quality suffered more than I would've liked. Luckily, this is no longer an issue with future releases.

CI: How did the Limited Run Games physical release come about?

SV: The dudes from My Life In Gaming actually brought it up. One of those guys lives down the street from me and very early in the development process I told him I was working on Night Trap and wanted a documentary to go along with it since it has a crazy history and I thought it'd be a cool promotional tool. He immediately suggested that I work with Limited Run Games. Over the next several months I kept telling him that I'd think about it whenever he brought it up.

About a month before the game was announced, Coury came to my house to film my interview for the documentary. After we were finished he brought up Limited Run again so I told him to go ahead and tell them what I was working on. Ten minutes later, I got an email from Josh Fairhurst. Limited Run is super rad and I honestly can't imagine doing any game without their involvement so I'll most likely harrass them with each release that I do. They actually ported Night Trap to Nintendo Switch. I can't say anything bad about those dudes. They've helped me tremendously.

CI: So the Nintendo Switch version of the game comes with Japanese & French audio, was this something Screaming Villains commissioned themselves? Did Night Trap have an original Japanese and French release? And what was the reasoning behind including the new audio?

SV: The Japanese and French audio actually came from previous releases. I got ahold of copies of the game that were originally released in Europe and Japan and just ripped the audio from the disks. Before it was released I started getting messages and emails asking for additional language options so that's where that idea came from.

CI: So Night Trap as a copious history with Nintendo, when the company called out the game out in court, vowing it would never appear on a Nintendo system, which lead to some bad blood between the original Devs and Nintendo. How did it feel to finally put Night Trap on a Nintendo System?

SV: I think it's cool. Digital Pictures always released their games on Sega consoles and 3DO so it's super rad that one of them finally ended up on a Nintendo console. Definitely long overdue. With Night Trap getting released on there with a Teen rating without cutting any content might hopefully stop people from claiming that the game uses violence against women to move the story further which is absolultely ridiculous along with everything else that people claim is in there that doesn't even exist.

CI: What was the decision to go with Double Switch as the next FMV game to remaster?

SV: Double Switch just seemed like the obvious choice since it's the same type of game as Night Trap but everything is improved on. You could I guess call it the spiritual successor to Night Trap. It's also my favorite game from Digital Pictures. I think it was expected too. Back in February, I met a lot of the people that worked on Friday The 13th The Game. When I was introduced to the Executive Director Randy Greenback the first thing he said to me was "Are you doing Double Switch next?!" Josh from Limited Run was campaigning for it pretty hard too since his aunt is a childhood friend of Debbie Harry who appears in the game. A very short teaser for it was showng during the Limited Run E3 conference. While watching the conference there were people leaving comments like "Just announce Double Switch already!"

CI: Night Trap special editions in the past have come with cassette tapes, patches, and even a VHS tape. Can you tell us if Double Switch special edition will come with anything like that?

SV: It most likely will but I have no idea what since I haven't really talked to Limited Run about those options yet. Usually what happens is they throw an idea at me and I pretty much agree to all of them. They're huge Sega nerds like I am so I trust them with their ideas. The idea of pogs came up for Night Trap but we ran out of time so it wouldn't surprise me if that happened with Double Switch.

I'm sure it'll come in a Sega CD jewel case too since Limited Run ordered about 15,000 of those. I will say that it's getting a completely new cover since the original ones are kind of lame and don't really fit with the type of game that it is.

It looks super rad! DS also has a super rad soundtrack that was done by Thomas Dolby, who wrote and performed the hit song "She Blinded Me With Science" so I was hoping that a stereo version of the soundtrack existed so we could release that but sadly it's all mono.

CI: There was some rumors that Screaming Villains have been working on bringing, Marky Mark: Make My Video to the PS4. Can you confirm this?

SV: Oh dear....that was a joke that went too far. What happened was Josh Fairhurst and I kept getting our tweets captured and used as news articles for very minor stuff. I hated it because I wasn't used to this sort of thing since Night Trap was my first console release and Josh was beyond frustrated with it because of a random person making a negative comment about Nintendo, which led to a gaming site writing an article claiming that Josh spoke negatively about Nintendo when it wasn't even him or even anyone affiliated with LR.

They were forced to update the article and admit that they were wrong. After that, we started tweeting each other about a re-release of Marky Mark but making it sound official like it was an actual thing that was happening just to see if anyone would start turning that into articles.

One night, I took it a step further and made a working version of the game running on a PS4 in about an hour and then the next day we both posted a link to a video showing it. That got yanked from Youtube within the first 20 minutes. We used to talk about it all the time trying to figure out how to make it happen since the idea is too ridiculous to ignore but no. No remake of Marky Mark Make My Video.CI: What other FMV games do you want to bring to modern consoles?

CI: What other FMV games do you want to bring to modern consoles?

SV: My original goal was to get as many games from Digital Pictures as I can which is pretty much happening now. Night Trap and Double Switch aren't the only ones coming. Outside of DP releases the goal is D which was originally released back in 1995. I feel like there's a ton of different things you can do with that one.

CI: Lastly is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

The obvious thing would be thank you to everyone that played NT25. It was a stressful process so it made me happy to see that people that were fans of the original enjoyed it. Also, if you're a fan of Digital Pictures releases then stick around because some super rad stuff is coming!

#Night Trap #nintendo #Sega #horror #playstation #interview

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your-dietician · 3 years

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She Went on a PR Tour for Her Sick, Adopted African Child. Was It All a Lie?

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/latest/she-went-on-a-pr-tour-for-her-sick-adopted-african-child-was-it-all-a-lie/

She Went on a PR Tour for Her Sick, Adopted African Child. Was It All a Lie?

Photo Illustration by Elizabeth Brockway/The Daily Beast/Screenshot/Youtube

Last summer, Sophie Hartman was fixated on her 6-year-old adopted daughter Carmel possibly showing signs of early puberty.

The 31-year-old single mom from Renton, Washington, scheduled an appointment at Seattle Children’s Hospital with a pediatric endocrinologist, a doctor specializing in glands and the hormones they produce, according to a Renton Police probable-cause affidavit.

Hartman, a white, Jesus-loving former missionary, strapped Carmel—a little Black girl born in Zambia—into a wheelchair and rolled her into a medical room, where they met with the endocrinologist. Carmel was “a very handicapped child” who was showing “cyclical symptoms” such as a “discharge” in her underwear, Hartman told the doctor. The symptoms were occurring for four straight days around the same time every month, she added.

Carmel went through a battery of medical exams, including blood work and X-ray imaging. The doctor found “modest clinical findings of early puberty,” but not enough to confirm Carmel was indeed accelerating into womanhood.

During a follow-up appointment at Seattle Children’s in October, another endocrinologist ran more tests on Carmel. The doctor found no signs of active puberty in the child, but informed Hartman about two treatments used to suppress pubescence. One involved giving Carmel injections; the other option was more drastic, requiring “surgically lacerating” Carmel’s skin with a scalpel to insert an implant used to suppress early puberty.

The doctor warned Hartman that the implant would be difficult to remove after it was inserted into the skin. Yet she was “emphatic” about getting the implant for Carmel even though it wasn’t medically necessary, the physician later told Renton Police Detective Adele O’Rourke.

On March 17, O’Rourke met with Hartman in her home. During a recorded interview, police say, Hartman admitted she wanted the surgery for Carmel. “Even though doing an implant is more invasive, it really isn’t that big of a deal,” Hartman told O’Rourke, according to the probable-cause affidavit. “I think that would be better.”

Story continues

After doctors ruled out ovarian cysts as the cause for her daughter’s alleged symptoms, Hartman said she wanted to proceed with the implant. “I was like great,” Hartman allegedly said to the detective, recalling her last conversation with the endocrinologist. “Let’s get this on the schedule.”

Authorities didn’t give Hartman the chance.

The same day, Washington’s Department of Child, Youth, and Families placed Carmel and her older sister, Miah, whom Hartman also adopted, into protective custody. Hartman’s quest to stifle Carmel’s alleged early puberty is just one of several bizarre episodes documented in a probable-cause affidavit that led King County prosecutors to charge Hartman last month with two second-degree felony counts: assault on a child and attempted assault on a child.

According to the charging documents, Hartman subjected Carmel to “unnecessary surgical interventions and restraints” and also attempted to “substantially escalate” her daughter’s medical treatment by requesting “increasingly invasive and unnecessary medical procedures.”

The charges, which Hartman denies and to which she has pleaded not guilty, landed with a thud in the sometimes tight-knit world of white, American Evangelicals who adopt children from abroad. But the case also brought attention to the obscure crime of medical child abuse, in which a primary caregiver forces a child to undergo unnecessary treatment.

“What I am reading in the arrest report doesn’t sound at all like my friend,” Shannon Dingle, a single mom from Raleigh, North Carolina, who also has adopted African children and met Hartman in 2016 at an adoption conference in Seattle, told The Daily Beast.

Dingle said she and Hartman became friends and have remained in constant contact via text messaging and online chatting the past five years, as well as meeting in person during Hartman’s trips to Raleigh.

She still believes in Hartman’s innocence.

“How we got to the point that Sophie is being blamed for being abusive by having medical procedures that medical teams had to approve is something I don’t understand,” Dingle said. “It feels like a lot of responsibility is being put on Sophie that were team decisions.”

In addition to Dingle, Hartman has at least one well-renowned medical child abuse expert in her corner. Dr. Eli Newberger, a former Harvard medical school pediatrics professor who founded the child protection program at Boston Children’s Hospital, wrote to prosecutors on May 17 in an attempt to discourage them from filing charges against Hartman. However, legal experts believe there��s a strong case against the Washington mother.

Lawrence Gostin, a Georgetown University national health-law professor, told The Daily Beast that he reviewed the allegations in Hartman’s case and found authorities acted appropriately in removing her daughters from her care and investigating her for medical child abuse.

“The first thing you have to do in a case like this is ensure the safety and the well-being of the child,” Gostin told The Daily Beast. “Putting children under medical procedures that are unnecessary is just as harmful, and maybe more so, than physically abusing a child.”

Efforts to reach Hartman for this story were unsuccessful. Her attorneys Robert Flennaugh II, Jessica Goldman, and Adam Shapiro did not respond to phone messages and emails containing detailed questions. But in a previous joint statement released when she was charged, Hartman’s lawyers insisted prosecutors did not have a case against their client.

“These charges are based on false statements and misrepresentations of the medical record by a doctor at Seattle Children’s Hospital who has never seen the child or spoken with Ms. Hartman,” the statement said. “Ms. Hartman is innocent of these charges.”

Dr. Rebecca Wiester, medical director of Seattle Children’s Protection Program, is the doctor Hartman’s lawyers referenced in their statement. She penned a Feb. 21 letter to Washington child protection services that was co-signed by Carmel’s primary physicians. The three-page memo outlined their concerns about the danger Hartman was putting her daughter in. “It is not necessary to know the motivation of the caregiver, only the outcome of the behavior,” Wiester wrote. “The risk to [Carmel] is profound in this situation.”

Wiester declined an interview through Seattle Children’s spokeswoman Kathryn Mueller, who noted Washington health-care providers are required by law to report suspected cases of child abuse. “The health and safety of our patients is Seattle Children’s highest priority,” Mueller said. “Out of respect for privacy, we will not comment about specific cases.”

Based on a referral from child-welfare investigators, Detective O’Rourke led a four-month criminal investigation into Hartman. That included poring over hundreds of pages of medical records and interviewing dozens of medical professionals, physical therapists, and teachers who interacted with Hartman and Carmel on a regular basis, according to the 21-page probable-cause affidavit.

Renton Police Department Investigations Commander David Leibman and King County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office spokesman Casey McNerthney declined comment for this story. “We’re going to let the court documents speak for themselves,” McNerthney said.

But their findings painted a disturbing picture of a woman who constantly sought medical treatment for her daughter even as she burnished her public profile.

Between 2017 and 2018, they concluded, Hartman convinced physicians at two hospitals, including Seattle Children’s, to surgically insert tubes into Carmel’s digestive organs to help nourish her and expel bowel movements. This, they say, was solely based on the mom’s account that her daughter had trouble swallowing, had chronic vomiting episodes, had excessive diarrhea, and had debilitating bouts of constipation.

Elite California Private School Comes Clean on Decades of Sexual Abuse

Since being removed from Hartman’s care, they added, Carmel—who is identified by her initials in the affidavit and charging document since she is a minor—was eating food like a normal person, and the tubes were set to be removed.

Hartman also forced Carmel to wear orthotics, gait trainers, and ankle and leg braces since she was 2 years old, police say, adding that the mother also regularly strapped the girl to a wheelchair for long periods. The mom ignored directives that Carmel needed normal activities to develop appropriate muscle strength and physical development, according to doctors who were interviewed by investigators.

Meanwhile, teachers told detectives that Carmel had no problem walking, running, and performing normal childhood activities at school when she wasn’t under Hartman’s supervision.

Finally, Hartman claimed Carmel was diagnosed with alternating hemiplegia of childhood, or AHC, a rare neurological disease that causes repeated, prolonged episodes of paralysis, by leading neurologists at the Duke University Institute for Brain Sciences. In a recorded statement, Dr. Mohamed Mikati, Duke’s chief of pediatric neurology, told O’Rourke that Carmel does not have the genetic mutation that causes AHC and that he relied on Hartman’s descriptions of Carmel’s symptoms to make his diagnosis. Spokespeople for Mikati and Duke Health did not respond to emails requesting comment.

If there were any doubt behind the scenes about the nature or extent of Carmel’s illnesses, her mother’s public posture suggested otherwise.

Throughout Carmel’s ordeal, Hartman invited donations and routinely garnered publicity, the probable-cause affidavit states. She wrote a book about her experience traveling to Zambia for missionary work and returning with her two girls, and was a featured author at a Barnes and Noble meet and greet in 2016. Local media outlets published and produced human interest stories about Carmel, as Hartman promoted a social media presence for her daughter by creating an Instagram account and a private Facebook group so people could follow the little girl’s daily activities, according to the probable-cause affidavit.

In 2018, the Make-A-Wish Foundation arranged for Carmel, her mom, and her sister to travel to a ranch in Oregon to ride horses, per the affidavit. Police allege the trip was paid from donations to the nonprofit. Hartman also gave a speech about Carmel at a Make-A-Wish fundraiser. A friend and Hartman’s congregation at Pursuit NW Church in Snohomish, Washington, raised $15,661 and $30,583, respectively, so that Carmel’s mom could purchase a handicapped accessible SUV.

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Press accounts burnished an image of Hartman as a single mom struggling to care for a severely sick kid. But police say her own words suggested she may be someone who is prone to making things up.

As a result of a search warrant for her house, Renton Police investigators took Hartman’s personal journals and found pages in which she described lying in the past about injuries and illnesses she sustained as a teen, the probable-cause affidavit states. In one passage about her freshman year of high school, Hartman wrote that she “used a pen to bruise my hand and faked a broken hand,” as well as not telling the truth that she had “mono and meningitis.” On another page, Hartman allegedly indicated that she was “angry” and “abusive” with her children.

“Oh Lord, what have I become,” she wrote in the journal, according to the affidavit. “Who is this bad soul? It’s me.” She also allegedly wrote on a loose piece of paper: “When it comes to suffering, I am a compulsive liar/exaggerator.”

As law-enforcement authorities built their case against Hartman between March and May, her lawyers brought in Newberger, the Boston-based child-abuse expert, to bolster her defense—and debunk the findings of Wiester and the other Seattle Children’s pediatricians.

Newberger claimed he reviewed the medical records and witness statements mentioned in the probable-cause affidavit, according to a May 17 letter he wrote to King County deputy prosecuting attorney Celia Lee.

“Duke medical staff, third party witnesses, and videos of Carmel corroborate significant symptoms that were documented with assiduous care and accuracy by Ms. Hartman,” Newberger wrote. “The medical records show that Ms. Hartman did not simply invent symptoms.”

In a brief phone call, Newberger told The Daily Beast he could not comment about his findings because he expected to be called as a defense witness. He said he was referred to Hartman’s lawyers by a prominent legal scholar who has written about medical child abuse. “I reviewed the information and made an informed decision within my ethical threshold,” Newberger said.

Legal experts, on the other hand, argue King County prosecutors have documented enough evidence of medical child abuse to present a strong case against Hartman.

“The criminal procedure against the mom is drastic,” Gostin, the Georgetown professor, said. “But if the facts are as alleged, it is a legitimate prosecution.” Taking Hartman’s daughters into protective custody was also justified, he added.

Despite having her kids taken away and being criminally charged for child abuse, Hartman hasn’t spent a day in jail. She participated in her June 3 arraignment hearing via Zoom from her home; King County Judge Tanya Thorp set her bail at $100,000.

On June 10, Hartman was administratively booked after posting her bond, a process that allows a person to show up to the King County jail to be fingerprinted and photographed and be immediately released upon payment of bail. In addition, she was allowed to have supervised visits with her daughters in April and May, and Thorp granted her continued visitations while her case is pending. According to the probable-cause affidavit, doctors kept Carmel under observation for 16 days after removing her from Hartman; during that time, the girl walked and ate food normally without any medical issues.

Meanwhile, fellow Evangelicals, neighbors, and friends are either distancing themselves from Hartman or else refusing to believe that she could be so cruel to her adopted daughter.

Russell Johnson, Pursuit NW Church’s head pastor, told The Daily Beast that he and other church leaders have not seen or heard from her in the last year. “As were so many others, the leadership of the Pursuit NW was horrified to read the charges against Sophie Hartman,” he said in an email statement. “The Pursuit NW has a zero-tolerance policy for child abuse. We pray for these precious children and that justice be done.”

Matt Dimeo, who lives in the house next-door to Hartman, was more equivocal. He described her as a “good gal” and a “very nice person,” ultimately declining to opine on the accusations against her.

“Whether I am surprised or not, it doesn’t make a difference,” Dimeo said. “We are going to trust the system, and hopefully it is a positive situation for the children.”