#I got roleswaps on the mind

[minubell]

Alternate universe where Manwe is the one who understands Eru's thoughts the best out of all of the Ainur and disagrees. Alternate universe where Melkor sings in all of his harshness, in the ways in which only Melkor can, and while he is the one rebuffed for it he is NOT the one who takes offense to it. Alternate universe where Manwe hears the song they have all woven at Eru's command and sees only Eru and hates it.

Alternate universe where Manwe is the one who defies Eru, and Melkor spends an eternity just trying to get his brother back.

[jojo-schmo]

Does Meta Knight know what happend to Dedede in TDX?

TDX is what the cool kids call "Triple Deluxe," right? lol

In the Roleswap, they both know the facts about the events in Dream Land... Meta Knight knows what happened to Dedede during the whole Dreamstalk incident, and Dedede knows what happened to Meta during the Haltmann invasion, for example.

But I don't think they'd get outwardly vulnerable enough to really open up to each other about how all of that made them feel.

....Not at this early point in the story, anyway. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

To be fair, they don't really share their inner thoughts and feelings with anyone. Prideful King and Stubborn Knight... They've both got their own images to uphold, even to each other! They bottle up their feelings in hopes they go away on their own! That ain't healthy!!

But they do have the ability to let down their walls a little, somewhere deep deep inside them. It would just take something very stressful to get either of them to open up....

[hinderr]

Baby girl you would not believe the ideas im having (<- thinking abt the role swap au)

[omagpies]

Hello again, here for a few random questions about the Roleswap AU (Cool you liked my drawing by the way, might post more at some point in the future if that's alright ^_^)

So, just asking because I'm curious about it ofc and from what I read on the Roleswap posts, you may have not discussed it sooooo...

So, we know from the posts, Swap!Jimmy crashed the ship like in canon while Swansea was off his shift and does his thing, and from the first post of the Role Swap AU showed Curly asking Anya if she crashed the ship, did anyone consider or try to blame Swansea for crashing the PE ship? Because he was there last (before Anya got cooked) that I assume everyone could account, so besides Anya, HE'D definitely be a 'main suspect'

(I have a idea/headcanon that Jimmy tried to point fingers at both Anya and Swansea (mainly Anya though because ofc he does, the prick) and tried to convince Curly and Daisuke that it was those two, with Curly not hearing most stuff he'd say about either of them and assume it was a system failure or malfunction though it does linger in the back of his mind which leads to him asking Anya if she was the one who did it (and for Daisuke, his opinion I'm not sure about so I'm leaving it blank) obviously this is just my ideas though and I'm asking you about it so I'll hush about this now lol

2. This one's about Anya and Curly and them on the idea of them returning and recovering back on Earth, I know right now in our world (along with Role Swap's, most likely) don't have a way to fully recover a person's vision after loss. However, I'm curious on both Anya and Curly's perspective on, if in their world's future, a proper method to recover a person's vision was discovered, one they had enough money and accessiblity for them to do so, do you think Anya and Curly would discuss or consider trying to have an operation to recover Anya's sight? Just a random thought that came to me at some point.

Alright, I'm done and need to be off now. I hope you have a good day, afternoon or evening!

the crash happened during Anya's shift, and Jimmy made sure to point allllll the fingers at her as the one who allegedly got to the cockpit right as she was steering the ship into the asteroid. Swansea knows her enough to know she wouldn't crash the ship maliciously, but he also knows her enough to know she's a klutz, so he's silently on the fence and observing and biding his time until he knows more. as for Daisuke, this is his first trip on the Tulpar as the mechanic and before that he's only done one haul on the Tulpar as an intern (in this au he goes on his intern trip a few years earlier than in canon, falls in love with engineering, and spends the interim years in trade school), so he doesn't know anyone but Swansea that well and follows his lead. this leaves Curly, who has reasons (however flawed) to trust Jimmy, but also cannot believe that Anya would do something like this.

i think they would investigate the idea at the very least if it ever became available, but they would probably find that it's too risky for Anya to undergo any major surgeries after everything her body has been through :"3

(more roleswap au)

[ask-nurse-curly]

as stated in the updated pinned post, we are diverging from the canon roleswap timeline starting nnnnnnnow :) ask boxes are open again!

[ Transcript under the cut ]

Hey Curly, I just wanted to check in with you. Things have been a little weird recently with this nearby satellite..

Are you doing okay?

Hey Captain!

Funny business, isn't it? I don't think we've ever had anything like this happen before.

It's okay, though. Sometimes I kind of want to follow Daisuke's example, but most people are nice.

What about you, everything alright on your end?

Me too, there's just so much going on at all times, haha.

Everything is mostly alright. I've got nice people, but some of them.. They're just getting under my skin. I should probably put the phone down.

How bad is it? My worst has been spam messages, mostly. Did you know the Halcyon colonies are reopening admission?

Makes you wonder why they need new people so soon after launch.

Oh yeah! I don't think I'm going to take their offer, I'm pretty content with Earth.

As for the messages.. I don't know. Some of them are just.. Mean, I guess. I don't want you to worry about it, I can handle it, it's just frustrating.

Have you gotten any fun messages though? I got one not that long ago asking about how I felt being a pilot, it was a nice question.

'Mean'? I'm sure you know that sounds worrisome. Are you okay?

Ah, I can't even remember all of them! There is this Martian scientist who gave me the scoop of planetary warfare amongst their kind, someone who is very intent on educating me about possums, and I even reconnected with someone from my med school years, that was pretty wild. Also someone from an actual gunship patched into our frequency, apparently their surname is the same as yours? Do you know a Hideo?

I'm really fine, if I couldn't handle a few weirdos, I wouldn't be on this ship lol

But.. That's very interesting. I don't know if I have any familiar faces on my end, so consider me jealous of you. I can't say that I know a Hideo? Should I?

Now who are you calling a weirdo? :-)

I don't know if you should! If it's a coincidence then certainly an amusing one, guess Musumes are just made to be captains. :-)

Maybe so.. I'll have to start a club then, Captain Musume club.

And I would NEVER call you a weirdo, Nurse Curly, never ever......

Uh huh. I believe you.

:-)

What is weird is just...how much some of these people seem to know. I wonder if our phones were hacked into somehow? Do you think I should be worried about my Meeboo subscription at this rate?

I feel like I should be more shocked but with how much of our data gets sold off and leaked on a daily basis, I can't find myself to be horrified.

You should definitely worry about your Meeboo subscription though.

...Fair point.

Well, if my streaming services are what takes the brunt of exposure, I suppose I could live with that.

Do you think that's how they found out about your nurses calendar? If that's even a real thing.. Did you ever model for a nursing calendar? Lol

Haha!

No, god no. I could never. Can you imagine me in a pin-up calendar? That would be bonkers.

No, I was just joking. I guess the very nature of their, uh, request was too much for my English sensibilities, so I turned to my trusty defence mechanism honed by generations of haughty stuck-ups.

...How did you know about that?

Well we certainly love a modest king..

I was told about it by one of the messages I got, I didn't know if it was true or not but I guess my curiosity was piqued. Sorry, it was inappropriate to ask.

Oh god, are they still harassing you about me? I'm so sorry.

They are strangely...invested.

I hope it's not too much of a bother. And I doubly hope they cease soon.

I don't mind too terribly, I just feel bad talking about you when you're unaware. I certainly try to keep my answers vague so that I can maintain your privacy.

Truly, I don't know if I should be offended or relieved they ask me more about you than they do myself, haha!

I'd go for relieved! Or perhaps even flattered. They seem to think highly of your captaining skills. :-)

They do! I'm not sure how they know about THAT information, but I'll take what I can get!

I can't say i blame them, it's pretty obvious!

I mean

Crew ratings should be public access, right? Based on delivery reviews and stuff. Or could be if they weren't and got leaked too.

I definitely don't doubt that...

I don't know, they seem fairly invested in my love life as well. Which goes beyond the scope of simple work appraisal. I've been asked if I'm single, who my type is. I felt like I was filling out a dating application lol

Haha, funny that

You could lean into that too, if you wanted to, let them do all the legwork. It's worse than the Wild West on those apps sometimes.

I'm not trying to find someone through texting strangers, besides, it seems they already have my ideal love interest picked out for me. They're trying to cause trouble is what they're doing.

And how do you even know what those apps are like? Isn't that like.. Cheating for you?

Oh shoot. Er

It would be! It totally would be if. If I were still in a relationship.

Which I'm not. For the record.

In any case, not that I prowl those apps much, it's not really uh, worth it for me.

What? Since when are you not??

You were just talking about Marie before we took off. Unless.. Did you break up when we got service...?

Yeah, haha, turns out it's not always great when familiar faces text you, right?

But yeah, she... It's not easy, I guess, dating someone who isn't there for half a year at a time at least, you know?

It was kind of a long time coming, so. She just was the braver one out of the two of us to cut the cord.

Sorry, didn't mean to be a downer. It really is okay though. We're good, and. I think I've kind of went through the stages of grief back when we were still earthside.

So. Not a big deal.

I'm so sorry, Curly :( I wish you would've told me. I'm still here if you need to talk, okay? Breaking up sucks, even if you see it coming.

Oh no, I promise it's okay! It really, really is

I'm okay, it's not a big deal.

I mean, it would be, it

But it's not like

I didn't really

She maybe...didn't really...exist?

Curly what are you saying right now

I am a fool is what I'm saying :-(

I'm so sorry.

Any chance we could pretend I never said anything?

How are we supposed to do that? I don't even know what to say.

Why would you lie about that?

...Could we talk?

I mean, in person.

I'll explain everything, just

I'm afraid of how much of this might get exposed.

Please.

Yeah

Are you in the medbay? I'm on my way.

Yes.

Thank you.

[yellowocaballero]

Writing update

I should probably give an update because things been slightly whack. Roughly, in order:

Was having issues with my medication, and writing got really difficult. Wanted to write Naruto, could not. Continued writing that Jason Todd story because what am I going to do, not write?

Fix medication issues. Feel like I can write again. Open up literally almost fucking random word document, see that it was the first paragraph of the More Than Zero rewrite (the story from my Star Wars No Chip AU) that I never did.

Go nuts.

Sixty pages into doing the rewrite, I decide that actually this story cannot function at all if I don't stop writing it and go write an entirely different story, which is somehow necessary for the quality of this story. Time to write the one of the many other No Chip AU stories I never got around to writing.

Go nuts.

40k of the Neyo story now exists. It's good, mostly.

Realize at this point that I cannot post a 40k fic on Tumblr and that the complete series is now clicked into my mind as an anthology, which means that it needs to go on AO3.

For several different reasons, one of which is admittedly marketing, I would like the series to stand on its own, so I need to completely rewrite the Order 66 story to establish everything about the universe that the ordinary roleswap fics established.

Realize I've gone nuts.

Decide to completely rewrite the Order 66 story anyway, it is at least twice as long and basically completely different.

As I do this, I realize that now the Rex buildingsroman story doesn't work at all, so I need to cut one section of that and rewrite a portion of it as well.

I would also like to make some semi-significant changes to the Bly story.

I am currently in the state of going nuts and will continue to be going nuts until some undetermined point in the future, at which point I will post every single fic in one story on AO3. There will be a metanarrative.

Decide that I was completely correct in aggravating literally everybody by refusing to post this on AO3, because if I had posted it on AO3 then it would have been way more difficult to rewrite all of this. I also feel a lot more confident in the quality of the rewritten versions and have, fortunately, improved over the last two years as a writer.

I think.

SO YES, I WILL BE POSTING IT ON AO3 THIS TIME. OKAY?

This is all BIG news for like maybe three people. All that to say, I will not be posting anything for a bit and then So Much will be posted. The revamped series should stand on its own and not need any knowledge of its parent AU. This is why I've disappeared off the face of the Earth. I will come back with Star Wars.

[deusvervewrites]

How about 5 headcanons for an AU of your choice? Either one that was already made, or one that you come up with.

I swear someone mentioned a few weeks ago some kind of Shinsou roleswap thing but now I can't find it, nor did I get an Ask Game ask about it. It did, however, remind me of an idea I had (*checks notes*) almost exactly a year ago that I never did anything with.

Following his loss at the Sports Festival, Shinsou goes to bed that night wishing to trade places with the golden boy of 1-A. He was not expecting to wake up the next morning a year younger, going to a different school called 'Aldera.' Or being Quirkless.

Shinsou kind of goes through the motions at first because he's very confused and everyone else seems to act like everything is normal and he doesn't really know what else to do. Seeing the 1-A explosion kid is a surprise. Being bullied by him isn't.

After like a week of this, Shinsou decides that it cannot possibly get any worse than getting attacked by a Villain made of sludge. (He will change his mind later, but we'll get back to that.) All Might coming in and saving him was neat. He even got to ask if someone like him could be a Hero because the heart wants what it wants. But All Might said no. And then Bakugou got jumped by the Sludge Villain. If only he still had his Quirk. He'd deal with this easily.

The written entrance exam is much easier the second time, who would have thought. But, uh, remember before when I said that Shinsou would change his mind about things getting worse? Midoriya is there. At UA. In 1-A again. Except that he's got Shinsou's Quirk. And he's better with it than Shinsou ever was!

Midoriya meanwhile does not remember the pre-wish timeline. He's simply vibing. Doing his best with a non-physical Quirk. He never dreamed that he would impress his Hero All Might to the point that he would offer Midoriya his Quirk!

+1. At some point, Shinsou will learn about One For All and Midoriya will remember the original timeline. These events are not necessarily simultaneous.

+2. I will not explain how Shinsou's wish was granted because it's ultimately not important. I also have no idea.

[nardaviel]

i commissioned this absolutely stunning art from @the-phantom-peach for my shuake roleswap au!! it illustrates a lil moment i wrote about, which is under the readmore (beware sad feelings):

--------

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Grow it."

"Amamiya—"

Ren had looked tired that evening. Shadows dark as bruises under his eyes, less performative bounce in his movements. But he'd still texted Goro asking to meet, and he'd still smiled at him as he spoke, potted sunflower plant held out in offering. "If I got you cut flowers, they'd just die. This way you're stuck with them."

"I could just put the whole thing in the trash."

Goro would go back and swallow the words if he could. But back then, he'd just wanted to get under Ren's skin, to see if it was possible more than anything. It didn't happen that night; Ren's eyes crinkled with amusement, like they always did when Goro was curt.

"But I spent so long picking it out. I checked whether it's safe for cats and everything."

When in retrospect, it's clear that he'd known Morgana wasn't a cat at all. The little shit.

Goro stares at the dwarf sunflower plant growing contentedly on his windowsill. What was Ren's message with it, he thinks distantly, beyond the obvious flirtation. He's wondered that for months, turning over the question in his mind when he should've been sleeping, studying hanakotoba, but he never came to any conclusions and it never occurred to him to ask, so now he'll be thinking about it forever. Endlessly, stretching on into the distant future, while he gets older and goes to university and becomes an adult, and the world forgets Ren Amamiya ever existed. Why did he even bother saving such a country? Let it fucking rot.

I'll never forget him. I'll die carrying his memory.

Goro means the vow with all his determination, every atom of his will and all the choked grief still gathering in his chest like blood in a wound that's been stitched too soon. But it doesn't matter whether he means it or not. It's not enough. Too little too late; the pitiful offering of the one who let Ren die. Ren took his glittering gaze and his pointed wit and his labyrinthine mysteries and his constant, inexplicable affection, and he shattered them all on the Velvet Room floor. No amount of remembrance will undo that.

[sincerely-sofie]

roleswap travailshipping/just a roleswap between Twig and Ark in general got me curious, what kind of pokemon do you see the two being in that type of au scenario? I know it would probably make some sense to just make Ark a charmeleon and Twig a darkrai so it stays consistent with the spirit of TPiaG, but I wanna know what you had in mind nonetheless!

(Referencing this post)

The roleswap idea I had in mind was specifically a swap of who’s a Legend in the story as opposed to a traditional roleswap!

Twig would replace Victini, while Ark would be a grumpy Noivern. Cresselia would be a Clefable trying to get back in contact with her estranged brother after they had a falling out as apprentices in Wigglytuff’s Guild. Twig would be searching for a champion to save the world, and ultimately have to settle for Ark, who is a selfish and bitter individual, out of desperation after she ran out of time to select her champion.

I’m uncertain about the rest of the gang, but Grovyle would be a zarude that raised Twig and Kip would be a manaphy she bonded with as a young Legend!

[normal-paldean-student]

Muse Mixup Madness — August 1, 2024

hello again! i've got more energy left than i expected tonight, so it's prompts time now instead of tomorrow!

i'm also trying out a new type of prompt for these: setting prompts. these prompts ask you to reimagine your character for a specific setting rather than making changes to them directly, and then place them in it for the duration of the event. if you choose a setting prompt, assume everyone else who chose that prompt is in the same universe as your character and free to engage in fun shenanigans with.

1. What Once Went Wrong

This one's an old favorite most of you are probably familiar with! Take a moment in your character's backstory where they failed something or something bad happened, and explore what would have happened if things had gone more favorably.

2. Space Age (setting prompt)

Here's our first setting prompt! It's the year 2454, and the Pokémon world has taken to the stars with technology far beyond what exists now. Time for spaceships and planets full of alien Pokémon!

3. A Change In Circumstance (requires partner)

Roleswaps? Roleswaps. With your partner, work out who your characters would be if they were the heroes of each other's stories instead of their own.

As always, you can use this post to find a partner, make a post on your blog seeking one, or just ask someone directly if they'd like to do it with you—the worst they can say is no.

4. Twirling My Moustache

Yes, yes, villain AUs, we're all familiar with them. What you don't see as often, though, is card-carrying villain AUs. Cartoon villain AUs. What if your character was evil and a little bit silly about it?

[jojo-schmo]

The new hire at my office: “You’re a big fan of Kirby, huh?”

Me: “Gee, how could you tell~?” :D

My desk space:

Edit: Fanart credits from left to right-

@besobendito

@the-cactus-taco

@somethinginworl

@ceo-of-kirbandee

@miniiieevee

@azzie-tangerine

@turtleplushi

@imelht

@canine-helicopter

@berrymi1k

@pumpkinnkidd

@spejsu

@henaphatine

@kirbeh999

[stygiovictoria]

Hi! Can you tell us more about what’s going on in your roleswap au? I love the composition!

hello! so sorry if this is really late, i'm assuming you mean the most recent version!

put simply our au only swaps out the roles of zuko and azula, so technically it's not a full roleswap, but... who cares! not me! anywho.

i'll explain what we have so far in chronological order — so everything before the series stays pretty much the same up until zuko and ozai's agni kai. somehow ozaiheard through the grapevine that the dai li were capable of controlling minds, so he contacts them, and says pretty much, “the fire nation won't make a second invasion attempt on you guys if you give us your mind control tech.”

the dai li readily agree, and ozai uses their tech to convince zuko of the following while he's in bedrest instead of banishing him:

1. ursa was the bad parent, ozai has always been caring and loving toward him, and ursa had to leave because she was so cruel

2. zuko got his scar from a training accident

3. the fire nation was working for the good of the world the whole time, none of what they do is unjust in anyway, they're just trying to save everyone

Ozai keeps zuko stuck at home so that nobody is able to show the truth to him (though he tells zuko he can't go outside because he's very sick and weak), and puts up a front of being a loving and caring father to better manipulate him. because zuko no longer holds doubts about himself in his mind and has been so heavily brainwashed by ozai, he becomes a much better firebender, and slowly falls into the same manipulative, crazy habits that azula has.

azula is then pushed off to the sidelines because of this, and feels very unseen. This makes her start to resent ozai and zuko and want to overthrow them, so she remains selfish and working for the fire nation at first.

Zhao is who ends up getting sent to find the avatar, but after he escapes Pohuai stronghold, ozai sends azula and iroh to go find him in his stead to “make use of them”. this is how she ends up taking the role of zuko.

azula ends up failing and turning at the siege of the north just as zuko did, so ozai lets zuko go with a ship full of people to “take care of” (monitor and continue brainwashing + worship) him. zuko so genuinely believes that he's working for the good of the world here and wants to make everyone friends with him, but as time goes on, his frustration and small memories of his past grow, and his behavior becomes more unhinged.

we have been working on this au together for a while, but it's not fully fleshed out yet, so that's all i can say for certain (+ no spoilers unless we create a fic or anything in the future!)

pls remember my best friend has been helping me a lot with this! her account is @dimlylitsmalltown, she mainly only reblogs, but if you get the chance go show her some love guys!

[omagpies]

Hello there! hope you're doing well at this moment. I'm someone who's came from reading ATBIS & TCCI and holy crap dude.

You are so talented, it's insane (in both writing and drawing props to you) Both the Roleswap AU stuff and ATBSI are so cool, and both, (mainly ATBSI) upped my love for Curlya from a 7 to like a 15, they're both so peak man. Like seriously, when I read ATBSI for the first time, it genuinely made me get butterflies in my stomach from loving it so much (which in fact, stayed around from when I finished Part 1 at 12 AM and I got MORE butterflies that morning and I had to stay home because of my stomach hurting, it was worth it though for the peak writing lol)

(Hope you don't mind me adding this, if i missed something that said add drawings, sorry, my bad) I also made some traditional fanart of ATBIS, hope it's alright and you like it (this was actually my first time drawing any version Curly as I mainly draw Anya) I'm pretty happy with it myself ^_^

Anyway, hope you have a good rest of your day/afternoon/evening. Thank you for making the best fanfic/'essay' (lol) I've read!

(also since the ATBSI/'that unwanted animal' series is stated to not be complete, I hope I can read Part 3 sometime in the future, even if not, I'm very happy with what I've got ^_^) Long live Curlya!

OH MY GOD thank you so much, you are too kind ;w; i loooooove your drawing!! it's so wonderful to see how far they've come <33

[catenary-chad]

I've alluded to the concept a number of times, but here's my redesign for OLC Belle the Sleeping Car wildly roleswapped into a Momma/Poppa figure for Electra, as Belle the GG1. You could probably give her a better name, but Belle is passable enough since all locomotives in the US have bells, I mainly kept it to preserve the flow of her song (see below cut for her version!). Based on their status and appearance in their absolute final running days in 1984. They may look glossy and pretty (if a WILD time warp) but they were on their absolute last gasp physically at this point after running for nearly 50 years, due to a lack of suitable replacement. Her dress follows a similar logic to Greaseball's outfit in that it represents the streamlined cowl, which is why she's less mechanical than most.

Personality-wise, she's also oooooold and based on Ella Fitzgerald, even more heavily than OLC Belle since she's fits perfectly with the time/place/personality of the GG1s. Both started in the mid-30s in New York City, and were noted for being "effortless" and almost unparalleled in their field. I tend to imagine her playing more on the "cute, humble, and improvisational" side of Ella, entering the big race just to have one last good run before she retires, and forgetting lyrics and making up something that sounds natural. In my mind she wins because the tracks are rough and winding, which she's far more used to that the other Nationals, with how decrepit parts of her Northeast Corridor were in the 80s and still are now- experience is a quality that counts for a lot!

She toes the line between OC and AU since she's such a twist on the original but stays largely true to her general concept. I'll call her more of an AU and say anyone is free to use this interpretation if they want, I'm not possessive of it at all.

Realistically she'd be dead as a doornail after 1984 (GG1s will just never run in preservation, they were in such bad shape and would need so much work to function on modern systems you may as well build a new replica). But make a cheeky joke about Controls' mom "sticking the old shell on a new body and not telling the kid" and she can come back. I like to think she'd have a flirty, playful rivalry with Momma/Poppa, she'd make Light At The End Of The Tunnel a duet about how steam is great.... for power plants! The Pennsylvania Railroad just stopped getting more steam engines when it electrified lines vs axing them so she wouldn't have any historical antagonism with them.

Here's my rewrite of Belle's Song largely following the original format, but now about the real history of the GG1s

Speed and youth ain't everything

Experience is a quality that counts for a lot

The sad thing 'bout experience is

By the time you've got it

It's usually all you've got...

I'm Belle, Belle, Belle, the GG1

Had my fifty years of fun

My frame is cracked, I’m almost done

Though in my heart, I long to run

I hauled the folks, I hauled the freight

I made good time, no need to wait

Just couple up and ride with me

I’d get you where you want to be

Once I was the hope for the future, wires run from coast to coast

Service every hour, to everywhere, hauling the post!

Now it’s just tragic…

The war then came, it all fell down

Restriction made the new tech drown

Let autos win, pave over it all

Watched the railroads slowly fall

Still I was a real mainliner, they struggled to replace me

Ran commuter trains into the ground

Down by the sea…. At least it was scenic

Oh, Belle, Belle, Belle, the GG-LOST

I’m worn down, yet I’m still boss

I may not be first class, but I'm not yet worst class

I can still take you when the night is dark

I’m withered, but I ain’t lost my spark

[yellowocaballero]

“I’m afraid I must call you out of retirement for a final mission.”

Cold ice shot through Tobi’s chest. Fuck.

Did he know? He couldn’t. If he knew, he wouldn’t show it like this. His visit with T&I would be a lot less cheerful, that’s for sure. Was he prodding Tobi, watching for his reaction? Did Sarutobi honestly think he’d slip up? Tobi was incapable of slipping up. He couldn’t tell the truth with a kunai to his throat at this point.

“What sort of mission is it?” Tobi asked excitedly, ripping open the folder. He held the paper up and slowly mouthed the words on the page, fighting to get through the page. Look at him, he filled out his mission reports in crayon and could barely read. “Mission report…assignment duration, promotion or release…pay…oh, ew…assignment…jounin sensei…”

Tobi trailed off.

Distantly, he heard himself say, “Um. Maybe this is a mistake?”

As promised in last post. Kakashi & Obito roleswap. Barely. It's complicated. Please pay no attention to how many roleswaps I have written. Just ignore it. Do me a favor and do not think about it. OK? Thank you.

Snippet from a much longer, much messier document. This part was the very first part writiten and very much a proof of concept. I'm trying to figure out if I should overhaul the thing and turn this into an actual story, so let me know.

Short beginning scene of Tobito's Wild Ride under the cut.

“Tobi. Thank you for coming.”

Obviously, Tobi didn’t bow or kneel. That wasn’t the sort of person Tobi was. He just grinned broadly, waving so broadly that his body swayed with the motion. “Gramps! Hello! Wow, you’ve gotten old since I’ve seen you!”

Sarutobi chuckled, raising a pipe to his mouth. The pipe - either ‘I’m thinking hard’, ‘I want to pretend I’m thinking hard and giving due consideration to your idea when I don’t really care’, or ‘I’ve already decided and I’m pretending that you have a say in this’. What was the point of the last one? This was a literal military dictatorship. Tobi forgot how exhausting this man could be. 

“It has been a while,” Sarutobi said indulgently. “Since…the T&I incident, I believe?”

Tobi giggled, high and childish. “Inoichi-san got sooo mad. But Tobi said he was real, real, real sorry, so I hope he’s not still mad…oh, no.” Tobi gasped, face falling in desolation. “Is Inoichi-san still mad at me? Oh, Tobi can go apologize again -”

“It’s water under the bridge.” Tobi exhaled gustily, wiping the back of his hand against his brow. It wasn’t his fault Inoichi hated him. Apparently his mind was absolutely impenetrable. Something about constant children’s lullabies just playing full blast in his head. Or songs regarding a specific time of day someplace in the world. “I have to apologize, Tobi. I always feel as if I should keep a better eye on you. There’s never enough time in the day for all of the people we care about. Please forgive me for my inattention to you.”

Manipulative old fuck. Tobi panicked, embarrassed by the attention and affection. He waved his hands quickly, almost jumping up and down. “Gramps! It’s okay! Tobi’s not lonely or sad! He still has Sasuke-chan! Sasuke-chan wasn’t brutally murdered, so Tobi’s A-OK!” Tobi had to tell himself that a lot. Every morning after a nightmare, which meant every morning period. “And I met a really nice old lady yesterday and helped her down the street. She gave me an apple sweet. It was delicious! So there’s nothing to forgive, Gramps!”

“I’m glad,” Sarutobi said warmly. Ugh. Tobi knew objectively that Minato-sensei had tried to imitate that tone, but he still liked to convince himself that Sarutobi was mimicking Minato-sensei. That was a good one, he’d have to use it. “Sasuke-kun is actually why I called you here today.” 

That kid. Tobi sighed. “Tobi is sorry that Tobi cannot control Sasuke-chan. I’ve told him that punching Naruto-kun is bad, but he just doesn’t listen…”

“I’m sure you’ll find a method somehow.” Sarutobi pushed a thin file folder across the desk, and Tobi curiously stepped forward and picked it up. He’d know a file like that anywhere. It was a mission assignment folder. “I’m afraid I must call you out of retirement for a final mission.”

Cold ice shot through Tobi’s chest. Fuck.

Did he know? He couldn’t. If he knew, he wouldn’t show it like this. His visit with T&I would be a lot less cheerful, that’s for sure. Was he prodding Tobi, watching for his reaction? Did Sarutobi honestly think he’d slip up? Tobi was incapable of slipping up. He couldn’t tell the truth with a kunai to his throat at this point.

How did Tobi feel about this? Tobi sure as hell knew how Obito felt - desperately wondering if a T&I visit was in his future. Tobi was scared of the missions, sure. But he was a five year old. How would a five year old react to these things? 

Well. Tobi knew how he would have reacted. He would have sighed and rolled his eyes about yet another mission. Pretty impressive when you were burned out of your career at five years old. He blamed the two month graduation for years before he learned of Rin and Kakashi’s hell and eventually concluded that it could have been worse. At least Tobi was paid for his war zone. 

“A mission?” Tobi gushed. He clenched on the folder far too tightly, like a child clutching a wheezing frog. “I’m going on missions again?” He jumped a little, his usual little show of excitement. Kept his energy up. “Does that mean Gramps isn’t mad at me anymore?”

Tobi carefully snuck a glance up from the folder, checking Sarutobi’s expression. Sarutobi’s face was impassive stone, as usual, but he looked a little worn too. “We were never angry with you.”

Tobi fully looked up, tilting his head and frowning. “Nuh-uh. Tobi remembers. Everybody was so mad at Tobi. Just because his hand slipped…it wasn’t Tobi’s fault.”

“We know,” Sarutobi said gently. “Minato didn’t retire you because he was angry with you. He was only looking out for you.”

Well, Tobi didn’t want to be out of fucking retirement. It was objectively insane to put him on any mission. Tobi had gotten sabotaging every attempt to make him a useful member of society down to a fucking art. He had a shitton of inheritance to blow and a nice long civilian life to blow it on. Maybe he was too stubborn about it - Iruka was definitely convinced that he was the second laziest person in the village and sabotaged his assigned jobs on purpose, which Tobi would have resented if it wasn’t absolutely true - but spite was important. Spite woke him up in the morning. 

The only thing that helped him tolerate this stupid village was his hate for it. Ain’t that just the way.

“What sort of mission is it?” Tobi asked excitedly, ripping open the folder. He held the paper up and slowly mouthed the words on the page, fighting to get through the page. Look at him, he filled out his mission reports in crayon and could barely read. “Mission report…assignment duration, promotion or release…pay…oh, ew…assignment…jounin sensei…”

Tobi trailed off.

Distantly, he heard himself say, “Um. Maybe this is a mistake?”

“Trust me. You’re hardly our first choice.” Finally, they agreed on something. “But you’re the only one in this village with a Sharingan, Tobi. You’re the only one who can teach Sasuke how to use his power.”

“Nuh-uh. Um. This is a mistake. Ha ha.” Tobi ripped the paper from the folder, crumpling it into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. “Because, um, I can’t use my Sharingan. Did Gramps maybe forget that? Ha ha?”

“But you still remember how to use it. Even if you can’t use it yourself, you can still walk Sasuke-kun through using his.” Sarutobi eyed Tobi knowingly, the dim glowing embers of his pipe reflecting a soft light in his eyes. “You were once a genius with the Sharingan, Tobi. They said you were the best since Madara.”

Yeah! Yeah, they did say that, old man! That was the whole fucking problem!

Mention of the Sharingan or Tobi’s old talents always upset him, so this was a great springboard into nipping this in the bud. He’d throw a hissy fit if he had to. Tobi had killer hissy fits. That was how Sasuke was given a seat as head of house in the Clan Council. Tobi’s wail could pierce eardrums and Sasuke had deserved that fucking seat. 

“Tobi doesn’t like the Sharingan anymore!” Tobi exclaimed. “Tobi wants to help Sasuke-chan, Gramps, cross Tobi’s heart! But Tobi doesn’t like the Sharingan and the Sharingan don’t like Tobi. And that’s just the truth.” Tobi crossed his arms, sniffling and scrunching his nose. “And don’t say what you’re gonna say. Tobi knows what’s up. Minato-sensei’s little boy is on that team too, isn’t he?”

He absolutely was. Tobi had speed-read the entire document while he was reading it out loud. But even the remnant of Obito’s genius was still considerable, and Tobi’s moments of keen insight were useful for pushing the enemy into a corner. 

“I thought you might appreciate the chance to look after your sensei’s son,” Sarutobi said mildly, removing a silver lighter from his pocket. Engraved, a gift from Biwako. Was that on purpose? A mind game on Tobi, an unconscious memory on his part, or a purposeful evocation of a memory just for him? Was he trying to remind Tobi of something or corner Obito? Damn this man. “Help him like your sensei helped you.”

The really great thing about Tobi was that he could get away with saying this. It was only to the left of cathartic, but at least it was in the zone. “I’m not stupid, Gramps!” Tobi yelled. The ANBU in the corners twitched, but when Sarutobi’s fingernail clicked on the silver lighter they subsided. “You’re giving Minato-sensei and Kushina-neechan’s little baby and his fox to the last Sharingan because you want the Sharingan to eat the Fox! Why are you doing what you want when you know it won’t work? Tobi’s tried, he can’t - he can’t, Gramps.”

It wasn’t the sort of thing any self-respecting Uchiha would admit. Half of them would kill themselves if they lost their Sharingan. Uchiha Obito, whose Sharingan was the pride and joy of the clan - who was the Uchiha’s Uchiha before Itachi-kun was even a twinkle in his mother’s eye - would never abandon his one point of value. 

And everybody knew how prideful the Uchiha were. There was no Uchiha alive who would pretend to be Tobi. Could you imagine? What Uchiha would humiliate themselves like this with a goofy smile on their face? A regular human being could barely do it. An Uchiha? Forget it. Impossible.

But Kushina-neechan’s favorite shinobi was always the most surprising of all. And Obito cared about that more than all the rest. 

The only ninja who would have ferreted him out was Kakashi. Kakashi and his dopey, stupid smile. His ridiculous porn books and his clumsy pratfalls. His laziness, lateness, and utter underachiever lifestyle. Only Kakashi ever said those words, with a wink and a smile: a true shinobi looked underneath the underneath. So save your energy and watch the clouds with me, Uchiha-kun. No? Maybe next time…

The next time never came. Being a good Uchiha had always meant something, and the useless son of a disgraced clan meant nothing at all. Nothing to anybody but Minato and Kushina and Rin and Obito.

“You’re better than nothing.” In that second, Sarutobi really did look very tired. He didn’t look like he was lying at all. “You’re the best we have, Tobi.”

Tobi was silent. Sarutobi knew it wasn’t much of a compliment. Even somebody like Tobi would know that. 

“As a favor to Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun,” Sarutobi said, “and as a favor to me. Please give these children the help you can. Don’t worry - I’ll ask the other jounin to pitch in and help.” 

Tobi lowered his voice, and he allowed his tone to grow a little more serious. “I’m not strong. I’m not good at molding chakra and I haven’t really fought anyone in a long time. I can’t protect the children.” 

“We’ll be careful,” Sarutobi allowed. But there was something in his eye… “You may be rusty, but I doubt you’re out of the ring yet. Have a little faith in yourself.” The look in his eyes glinted and grew, and for the first time he stared right at Tobi. “You did hold your own against Uchiha Itachi.”

They stared at each other for a long second, two. A little too late, Tobi laughed and scrubbed the back of his neck. “Silly Gramps! I said a billion times. Tobi hid. I don’t think Itachi-kun thought it was worth it to kill me…I don’t think Itachi-kun ever thought I was a real Uchiha. But we’ve showed him, huh?” Tobi grinned, jabbing a finger at his chest. “Now there’s three whole Uchiha in the whole wide world! One third’s a serial killer, one third’s twelve, and one third is…drumroll please…Tobi! Konoha’s in good hands, ne?”

Tobi smiled at the man who ordered Uchiha Itachi to kill their entire family.

Sarutobi smiled back at the man who was currently pulling the most intricate and improbable lying campaign in a village of ninjas. In Obito’s defense, it was to save his own life. Sarutobi had murdered his family to - well, save the village, but Tobi didn’t have to like it. 

“Thank you for accepting the mission. I trust you’ll do splendidly.”

“Uh. Tobi didn’t -”

“The children ought to be waiting for you in the schoolroom at 1000 hours. You ought to head over - I expect you’re already late.”

Tobi squealed, looking at the unwound watch on his wrist and slapping his head. “Oh no! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! Bye, Gramps! You promise-promise to get back-up for Tobi, right?”

Pleasantly, Sarutobi said, “I would not trust you alone with those children, no.”

“Yay! Okay, gotta goooo!”

When he left Sarutobi’s office, he was about ten minutes late to his meeting with the children. By the time he arrived at the school he was over an hour late. Lost on the road of life and all that. It didn’t matter - venting about this ridiculousness to Kakashi was way more important than meeting the brats on time.

This would be a disaster. There was no way this would end well. Tobi was a brain damaged, traumatized moron who couldn’t use his one skill and who hadn’t been on active duty since he whoopsie-daisy’d his sword into his best friend’s heart. If Sarutobi didn’t keep up his promise and drag in the other jounin to take up his slack then he’d riot. Did he want Tobi to do work? Tobi? He had resigned from capitalism and the military industrial complex. Pulling him into this shit again - as if he hadn’t suffered enough -

As if Sasuke and Naruto hadn’t. Maybe one of Sarutobi’s stupid-ass motivations was because he knew that only Tobi would be nice to Sasuke and Naruto. Damn Naruto especially. For that, at least…if only as a favor to Minato-sensei…

To make up for it…maybe a little bit of real work would be the least he could do.

Ugh. Hopefully not that much.

Tobi finally touched down at the school, following the Academy hallways to Sasuke’s classroom by route memory. He dropped off Sasuke’s lunch a lot. It embarrassed him so much. It was classic.

Tobi walked into the classroom and allowed a large basket of glitter to fall on top of his head.

A peal of laughter squealed throughout the room, and Tobi opened his eyes to see Uzumaki Naruto clutching his sides and laughing his ass off. Quite rudely, Sasuke had his feet propped up on a desk. That third girl was sitting primly in her seat, terrified. 

“What an idiot! Our new sensei actually fell for - wait.” Naruto straightened, squinting at Tobi. He yelled, jabbing a finger at him. “Hey! Number Two Ramen Fan! What the hell are you doing here?”

Sasuke almost fell out of his seat. He scrambled to his feet, panicked in his special Sasuke way - that was, eyes a little wider than usual. “Tobi? Did I forget my lunch?”

“Um?” Sakura Haruno hunched her shoulders in her seat, picking at the corner of a scroll. “Uchiha Obito’s our sensei. I thought you knew. Did you…not know?”

“Is this a joke?” Sasuke cried. “Who the hell thought this was funny? Tobi couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag! If they’re bullying us again, I swear to god I’ll strangle whoever -”

“Whoah,” Naruto cried, impressed. “Violent!”

“Everybody’s always bullying Tobi,” Sasuke snapped. “I’m an Uchiha. What sort of Uchiha would I be if I tolerated that?”

Glitter dripped down Tobi’s hair and sprinkled onto his clothing. He smiled, big and bright, and clapped his hands together. Sasuke was groaning, but Naruto and Sakura just leaned in closer - caught in a morbid curiosity, desperate to meet their own fate. Signed and sealed. “Tobi’s first impression of you all is…you’re so funny! Tobi likes you!”

The kids paled. 

[enden-agolor]

Ok 2 things

did the royal au and roleswap au accidentally get sealed away in the Jesskas jar? (joking)

In the post about your Admin au, I immediately thought about how Mario carries Princess peach around in bridal style a lot when Jesse caught Lukas when they were falling, I see how you think of Mario when you see Jesse and the other way around.

No royal au and roleswap didn't get sealed away, I'm just dumb and keep making aus with my bf that my brain latches onto before it eventually circles back around and returns to the others 😭 I literally love royal au so much it's definitely one of my favorites and I have a whole story for it that I really want to get into but skfjgksnk if my mind could just stick to one thing... It's amazing I got as far as I have with my main fic. Roleswap is easy because it's basically the main game, just Lukas and Jesse's roles are swapped and a lot of other crazy things are added into it to make it more interesting (and also things that I personally want to explore like more PAMA content and stuff)

AND ALSO YOU'RE SO RIGHT AUGHHHHHH the Mario/Peach comparisons for Jesse and Lukas drive me up a wall I'm sorry but they're so fucking cute and Mario/Peach was like my first ever ship and I love comparing their dynamics ESPECIALLY because Jesse does so many silly things in canon that I could literally see Mario doing.

Like THIS???? 😭

Like what the fuck Mario ass lookin victory dance I will CRY. Also not to mention Lukas is strong and smart and blond and blue eyes and pretty just like Peach and really cares about Jesse and supports him fucking GOODBYE