#I got like millions of sketches to finish but then yesterday I was like “fuck that actually let me draw Kai and Nya”

[yhwcomeback]

The Smiths

[stellarxdeath]

Aight fuck it, I got sum things to say. Most of it is anecdotal but here we go

Things I wish I could tell to my younger self about art(and also for young/new artists who may see this)

Getting started:

- Starting art with any medium is going to be challenging, but a little inspiration goes a long way. You wanna draw your favorite tv show character? Maybe an Oc idea? A slice of cake? Doesn’t matter, make that shit your muse and go for it.

- I’m a digital artist through and through, using clip studio and a Wacom tablet. Do you need these things to start? Nope, not at all. I started with a mouse and MS paint. You can do some impressive stuff with just those two things.

- Expectations vs reality is important. Your mental style will be different from your ‘real’ style, and that’s ok! You won’t be perfect when you first start, but don’t let it discourage you. 

- Let yourself have fun

Learning/growing your style:

- At first it’ll feel like you’re only a mishmash of styles from artists you like, but soon enough your own style will emerge.

- Tracing is a good skill, but if you don’t want to trace, you can mimic. Watch speedpaints, animations, look at other artists’ work; then replicate that. Your own style will shine through and things you couldn’t draw yesterday can become much easier. I use this myself, personally it’s been super helpful.

- Same face Syndrome is definitely a bit of a roadblock to handle. Instead of throwing yourself in the deep end with a million different face shapes, tweak the smaller things. eyes, hair, even irises/pupils can help two characters stand out. 

- Shapes are good, but vague shapes are better. Basically: sketch at least twice. Construct(the foundation of everything), clean up(jotting down the finer details), and then any additions that stand out. It’ll take awhile, but it will help you in the long run.

- Fuck around, combine random things. Mess with colors, mess with proportions. Draw a snake with a chicken head and cat feet, who cares? Get a feel for straight lines, curvy lines, jarring and chaotic lines. Let yourself have fun: electric boogaloo.

Criticism and Feedback:

- to preface this: the main person you draw for is yourself. People liking/relogging is a secondary source of motivation. relying on others to give you the energy to draw is not sustainable, so please, please do what you want to do.

- Receiving critique is not an easy thing to do, especially if you’re on the younger end of the artist spectrum. It’ll feel weird and it might hurt; that’s ok, it’s a sign you care. Be prepared for people to ask if they can critique and for people to not ask and give it anyway.

- Adding to that, there’s probably a knee-jerk reaction to defend your work from criticism. Before you respond to said feedback, take a second to remember that it’s not a personal attack, and that the commenter is simply trying to help.

- “This sucks lol” is not valid critique and can be entirely ignored/deleted. 

- You are not contractually obligated to take the criticism! It’s up to you if you’ll use the tips given. You can try them out, and if they don’t work, that’s fine too.

- Remember that you are always improving. 

Other tidbits I can’t categorize: 

- CHERISH YOUR OLD WORK! please, please keep that shit close to your heart. It’s easy to look at your old art and go “haha cringe”, I’ve done that too, but it’s so important to remember where you started so you can be proud of how far you’ve come! A lot of artists struggle to recognize when they’ve improved, so taking a gander and your old DeviantArt gallery is beneficial.

- for fucks sake please watermark your art. Be it your initials, online name or an icon unique to you. it doesn’t have to take up the whole canvas, but it’s better if it’s somewhere harder for people to erase. Watermarks can protect your art from being stolen online.

- elaborating on the first tidbit: it’s ok to look at your art and be proud of it! Sometimes it can feel like calling your own art good is a sin and you’re a self-absorbed asshole for saying as much, but you have every right to be happy with what you’ve made.

- You don’t have to finish every project you start, Sometimes sketching just to sketch is better than spending hours on a single piece. doodle to your heart’s content.

- Artblock is inevitable, and it’ll suck. But, there’s always that creative spike at the end of the inspiration drought, just embrace the break and you’ll get back to drawing when you’re ready.

- And never work for exposure.

 Godspeed younglings, go have fun

[kz-i-co]

Within This Room: Part II

» Summary: In fear of ruining an engagement might sending you packing sooner then you thought.

» Pairing: Taeyong x Reader

» Genre: smut x angst

» Words: 3.3k

» Part 1  ╫ Part 3

» m.list ╫ nct 127 masterlist

-

"Hi." You froze. "I'm (Y/N)."

"Nice to meet you." She smiled warmly. "How do you know Taeyong."

"Oh we're old friends."

"Of course, you went to this school. Such a shame what's happening."

You just nodded awkwardly as Taeyong was distracting himself from something in the distance. He was uncomfortable as much as you.

"I better help my mom, but it was nice to meet you." You said and quickly took off.

"I can't do this. I should of never come." You panicked as you made it over to your sister.

"Whats wrong?" She asked.

"His fiancé is here."

Your sister followed your eyes. "Oh shit, he's engaged?" She laughed but didn't realize how it was effecting you. "What's wrong it's been 6 years since you both were together."

"I know it's crazy but I think I still have feeling for him and I probably fucked up everything last night."

"Wait-"

"Girls come help me with these." Your mother was calling you over.

"What happened?" Your sister was trying to get it out of you while heading over to your mother.

"I can't tell you here. Later."

"These are being sent to the board, so put these in his box." Your mother handed you some plaques of different achievements.

....

"Ooo, your year book." Taeyong and his fiancé were helping out in the library and she happened to find the 2014 class yearbook. "Can't wait to see how handsome my man was."

Taeyong just turned his back going through another shelf not fazed. He couldn't stop thinking about you and last night. He couldn't help himself from smiling at how beautiful you have become.

"You were prom King? You didn't tell me you were popular. I mean I could of guessed but..." She laughed to herself. She flipped through more pages seeing you and Taeyong together more and more. "Wait a minute? That girl from earlier is your ex?"

"Taeyong?" She raised her voice getting his attention.

"What?" She held up the book stating the obvious.

"What's your point? I don't ask you about your ex's." He shrugged.

"Looks like you guys are still close?" She said getting annoyed.

"We've only seen each other for the first time yesterday in 6 years." He said then turned back towards his books.

She didn't pressure him any further since the atmosphere was tense.

....

"Come on, lets take a break. There's plenty of food from last night." Your mother said. "So have you caught up with Taeyong last night?"

"Yeah." You smiled sarcastically not really wanting to talk about it.

"I can't believe he's engaged. I was hoping the sparks were still there-"

"Mom.....please let's stay out of their business. Okay." Your sister looked at you with concern.

"She's not even that pretty." Your sister whispered as she bumped you with her elbow.

"Not nice." The fact was that she was EXTREMELY pretty. She was clean and priss and she seemed to have her life together.

....

You were taking your old prize winners (paintings) to your car, clearly struggling to the car as your mother and sister were way ahead of you.

You took a deep breath as you stopped for a second to take a breather.

"Let me help you." He took the canvas off your hands and you finally could see in front of you at the handsome face that still caused butterflies.

"Thank you. I don't even know why I'm taking this old junk." There was a huge dumpster to clean out the school and you were just tempted to toss the old embarrassment but your mother insisted on keeping them as a reminder of how far you've come.

"It's not junk (Y/N)." He chuckled and looked behind him losing his smile. "Actually I was wondering if we could talk about last night? How long are you staying?" He said more quietly.

"Well a few days the most. But I can't stay away from work for that long."

"You want to go out for dinner tonight. Jaehyun and Mark are here for the weekend."

"Hanging out with your bro's like old times? Huh?" You teased.

"Also Johnny and Ren will be there as well since they are engaged-"

"Johnny is her new fiancé? They hated each other."

"I guess they just had sexual attraction for each other."

"I see." You giggled.

"May I keep this?" He was referring to your old painting.

"It's all yours." You laughed at his ridiculous question.

"See you later." He walked away leaving to travel back alone.

....

"How do I look?" Your sister said as you finally finished your sketch.

"Beautiful." You turned your book around.

"Wow. I look so cute." She smiled. "May I keep it?"

"Sure." You rolled your eyes as you tore out the page out of your sketch book.

"Have you ever thought about selling your art work on eBay? I saw it on tik tok."

"You and that app are driving me crazy." You giggled.

"I get bidders at the gallery, they're just all cheapskates in the city." You continued.

"Your art deserves more credit. You should be making MILLIONS." Your sister was over dramatic like usual.

"Unfortunately that doesn't happen to an artist until their dead." Your sister pouted at your dark response.

"You're no fun. But anyway are you and Taeyong hanging out tonight? Did I hear dinner?"

"It's a friendly get together and it's not just me, it's with some old friends."

"Okay." She smirked. "Just be careful."

You sat there to think. Not just what your sister said but over everything. Last night was a mistake and you had to straighten it out. If Taeyong was happy with his fiancé, you couldn't ruin it for your own selfishness.

...

You decided on a simple black dress with a denim jacket and doc martens and you waited outside for your Uber driver and before you know it you were standing outside the restaurant, too scared to even go in.

"(Y/N)! Oh my god!" You heard screaming and all of a sudden you were being crushed by two pairs of arms. Once you got to turn around and make contact, you were faced with a pink hair Ren.

You hugged her back tightly as you both screamed causing Johnny to plug his ears. "How are you?"

"I'm great, how are you?" You responded. "Your hair is pink."

"My hair is pink. I didn't think you could get more gorgeous, you suck Miss Prom Queen." She laughed.

"You're gorgeous. And you're engaged I hear....to him?" You looked at Johnny with a teasing look.

"I know, it's insane." She laughed.

"So where were you last night?" You asked.

"I don't care about some dumb school reunion. I had better things to do." She continued. "Come on let's get inside. It's freezing."

You followed her and Johnny inside ready to begin your night. You took a deep breath as you saw Taeyong looking beautiful as ever. You can do this. You can be just friends right?

There was a few more of his friends already at the table as well once the host assisted you.

"(Y/N)! How's it going I haven't seen you in forever." Mark was the first to get up and hug you.

"Where were you guys last night? I missed you." You said still embraced in his arms and eventually made your way around to Jaehyun and Doyoung.

"I couldn't make it and these guys had their own reunion." Mark said taking his seat.

"We already got a lecture from Dayoung." Ren said as you sat down between her and Taeyong.

"Speaking of Dayoung, where is she?" You asked.

"She was gonna come but she's having a lot of back pain so she rather stay home."

"When is her baby due?" You continued to ask since you lacked information from your old friends.

"December 7."

"That's just a little over a month." You couldn't believe she was that pregnant.

"I know." She laughed. "But she might be sooner then that, her baby is already 8lbs."

"Can I get you something to drink." The waitress was finally here cutting off your conversation.

"Soju?" Johnny asked and everyone agreed. You on the other hand rather stick with a simple water but your friends insisted and you didn't want to seem lame now you were older.

....

"You idiot, you were the reason we got caught skipping 4th period." Ren and Mark were arguing non stop and the alcohol on top was causing more of a scene but the rest of you were laughing, enjoying the show.

"Was not. You were the one that went to the wrong car."

"You said it was your car."

"No I said it looked like my car."

"Will you two just shut up." Doyoung took another sip.

"Shall we get going soon? I rather talk to you alone." Taeyong spoke quietly next to you, only you can hear.

You nodded. "Alright guys, we're going to head out." Taeyong pulled out his wallet and tossed cash on the table.

"Where are you two going?" Ren pouted.

"I promised (Y/N) I'd drive her home and I don't want to be out later then Jiyoon gets out of work." He made a concerned expression.

"You two still fighting?" Mark asked as you and Taeyong got up.

"It's every little thing with her, but she's been better." He nodded.

"Alright man, take care.....you to (Y/N) it was nice seeing you." You both said your goodbyes.

"Promised me a ride?" You teased your tone being flirtier then you wanted.

"Well, I needed to talk to you about last night. Alone." He began as he guided you to his car.

You bit your lip awkwardly, wanting to avoid the whole thing. You wanted to just pretend it didn't happen and move on.

You got in the car waiting for him to begin but he was just as uncomfortable as you. "Are you alright to drive?"

"I only had one shot. I feel fine." He looked at you leaning your head on the seat. "What about you?"

"I'm not driving." You looked at him confused.

"No I mean, how are you?" He laughed. "You good." He waved his hand in front of your face.

You laughed smacking his hand away playfully. "I only had two shots."

You both laughed until the car filled with silence as he finally took off.

"Do you ever miss being back here?" He asked.

"A little. But I love where I live."

"So you have no thoughts on moving back?" You were surprised from his sudden question.

"No. I mean I love my family but I live in my dream home now.....well....a nicer apartment would be nice." You giggled not realizing the car stopped outside of your house.

"Do I have to wait another six years to see you?" He asked turning the mood down again. "I want us to stay friends (Y/N)."

"We can. We can FaceTime and-"

"So until you're back for the holidays?"

"I really can't afford to visit, that's why I don't.....If I sell a piece, I get $1000 the most and that only goes to my bills and food-"

"I get it (Y/N). It's okay. I just miss you that's all." You both made eye contact and you could feel the pain he was holding.

"We left things off, really shitty." You started. "Especially me."

"You were hurt, I get it." He shrugged.

"I just want to apologize......And also apologize for last night. It was wrong and I'm sorry for everything." You continued. "Just seeing that room........you, I missed my old life."

"I just.....I don't want to leave thinking I caused so much chaos. It's probably just best if we pretend it didn't happen. You're fiancé seems to be really nice and I just want you guys to be happy."

"You're right." He said causing your lip to tremble. You knew he was thinking the same thing, you didn't know why it was so unexpected.

"R-right, exactly."

"It was wrong." You nodded. "But that doesn't mean I want to pretend it didn't happen."

"Taeyong I want you to understand my intentions.....I don't want to-"

You were cut off with his lips attached to yours. Your heart was beating faster then it ever was before. What was he doing? You were hesitant to responde but there was comfort with his lips. A feeling only he could cause. He gently caressed his hand around your neck bringing you closer as the kiss deepened.

The kiss grew more desperate quickly as he pulled you to straddle his lap. He had his hands under your dress caressing your thighs. You couldn't help but rock against him causing more friction between the both of you. He moaned against your lips from by the way you effected him. You had to pull away to catch your breath but quickly leaned down farther to kiss down his jaw.

He pushed your jacket down and letting it fall behind you, hitting the wheel as you were taking your time with his buttons letting more of his chest to be exposed.

He brought his lips back towards yours before he was working on the top of your dress letting it fall off your chest exposing your strapless bra. He was quick to kiss down your chest letting your bra fall more uncomfortably. You could feel him full erected underneath you as you were still rocking against him.

His breathing became heavier that he stopped what he was doing to lean his head against the back of the seat for a second. He looked you in the eyes before they drifted down focusing on your undies. You lifted yourself to help take them off as you began to unbuckle his pants. You gently took him in your hand and slowly jerked him only enough to lubricate. You leaned forward guiding him in and relaxed as you could adjust.

His muffled sounds were so beautiful as you began your movements. The pleasure was unreal. You only wish it was only a dream, to save you from trouble. You knew it was wrong but why couldn't you stop?

You leaned down kissing him passionately as you quickened your pace. Once you lifted for air, you grabbed his hands leading them to your chest. You tilted your head back enjoying the pleasure.

As you felt like you were lost in your own world, he grabbed your hips helping you keep the rhythm. You moved your hand to the front of your folds to guide your climax closer to the edge. Just as you were about to release, he beat you to it causing the room to spin. You felt numbness scattered throughout your body.

You collapse on top of his body as you both could catch your breath. You felt happy at the moment, like you didn't want to move but the guilt came rushing back causing you quickly run away. You got yourself redressed as Taeyong looked at you with concern.

"This was a mistake." You felt your eyes water. Taeyong was quick to dress as well from you being so upset. "I shouldn't have come back here."

"I'm sorry Taeyong but we can't see each other anymore, not even as friends." You were panicked.

"(Y/N) this is my dumb mistake too."

"Unless you're ending it with your fiancé, I can't be in the picture no more." You looked at him for a response but he looked down staying silent.

"Okay then. Goodbye."

He grabbed your hand before you could leave the car. "You're just upset. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No because as long as we're alone together I can't help my feelings around you and that's not fair for your fiancé."

"I can't anymore." You finally left his car and quickly made your way inside. Why were you so weak?

-

You've done it again. You had to leave as soon as possible, the guilt was killing you.

"You leaving?" Your sister asked as she saw you packing your bag.

"Yeah, Haejin called me and said I'm needed back at work." You lied.

"Oh." She pouted.

"Aren't you leaving? You have school tomorrow."

"I'm leaving tonight." She was lucky she had a car.

"A few more years and you can live with me." You winked.

"Sure." She smiled.

"There's one more thing I want to do before I go, can I borrow the car?" She nodded and you quickly left so you can go back home.

You stopped at a cute little townhouse village and followed the number Mark gave you. You just hoped it wasn't some random address giving you more chances not to trust him. You knocked on the door and waited until someone finally answered it, causing your stomach to drop.

"Oh hi (Y/N)." Jiyoon smiled at you but it didn't feel very genuine.

"Hi. I'm leaving I just wanted to say goodbye to Taeyong." You said sweetly.

"Taeyong is at work unfortunately." She shrugged.

"Oh. Just let him know I said goodbye and oh yeah....congratulations for you two."

"Thank you. We still don't know our date but it's probably the beginning of next year the latest."

"Can I be honest with you (Y/N)?" You looked at her confused. "I know you and Taeyong were very serious and I can't help but feel a little uncomfortable with you two still being close."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." You looked at her with concern to hide the fact you really wanted to pull her hair out.

"I have bad experiences with ex's too and I have to compromise for Tae so I'm sorry if I make him do the same thing."

"You have nothing to worry about. I live in Seoul."

"Oh that's great." She smiled at you once again and it seemed more fake then before. "I hope you don't get offended if I don't invite you to our wedding."

"I'm sorry but is Taeyong okay with that?" You finally showed your real expressions.

"He'll understand."

"Taeyong and I split up 6 years ago."

"Like I said compromise."

"Maybe I should talk to Taeyong about this?"

"I'll doubt he'll talk to you."

"Why's that?" You crossed your arms.

"I don't know. He just seemed pissed off at you after he came home last night. He even tossed your painting in our garbage. Did you want it back?" Fake fake fake.

"I'm sorry to hear that, I'm not sure why.....Have a great day....." You walked back to the car. "Bitch."

You didn't know what to believe. He could be upset the way you left last night but on the other hand he seemed more upset then angry. Was she lying? The best thing was to just get back home and that's what you did.

The train seemed longer then on your way there, probably from your lack of sleep that eat up the time last time. You couldn't get Taeyong out of your head. Even if she was lying, it was still clean you weren't invited to the wedding. How messed up is that?

The worst part of it all was you never got the chance to ask for Taeyong's cell number. You couldn't imagine him having the same phone from 6 years ago.

You got off the train, being greeted by Haejin. "I never missed you so much in my life."

"So how was everything?"

"Terrible." She looked at you concerned as you got in her car. "I did something really bad."

"I saw my high school sweetheart again."

"Okay?" Haejin listened.

"And we kind of slept together.....twice."

"What's wrong with that?" Haejin winked.

"He's engaged.....and the worst part is I still have feelings for him."

-

to be continued....

[siren-queen-imagines]

Misunderstandings

This was requested by the lovely @fallinforhappiness​! I hope you enjoy! Considering I had already done similar prompts for Damien, I chose to do them with Shayne this time!

Prompts Used: 9.  “He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”   15. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

Masterlist

(gif by me)

=================================

Shayne watched you from across the room at the Smosh office, smiling to himself as you were laughing with Courtney. Your smile was so beautiful and so infectious to him. If only he could find it in him to actually tell you that.

Your friendship meant the world to him. Shayne realized that he had feelings for you about a couple months after you guys met. The more he got to know you, the more his feelings grew for you. He knew he needed to tell you how he felt soon because he just needed to know if you might feel the same way.

“Yo, Shayne.” Damien called to Shayne, breaking him from his daydream. “Jesus, I’ve been trying to get your attention for 20 minutes.” He exaggerated with a knowing smile.

“Sorry, I was trying to think of how to finish this.” Shayne motioned to the computer in front of him.

“Come on, man, we both know that’s a lie. You were watching Y/N.” Shayne looked over to you to see if you heard Damien. “Don’t worry, she didn’t hear me. When are you gonna tell her?”

Shayne sighed and scrolled through the script page open on his computer.

“I don’t know.”

“Look, as a fellow anxiety sufferer, I get it. It’s feels scary.”

“It’s different with Y/N, and I don’t know why. Normally I could find it in me to at least ask for a date but I just--”

“It’s normal to really like someone and fear rejection. It a basic human fear. But you know you’re gonna have to tell her if you want to see where things go. She won’t be single forever.”

“I know.”

Damien stood up, patting his friend on the shoulder before he left the office to get some coffee from the kitchen. 

“Hey Damien.” You greeted with a smile on your face as you went into the fridge.

“How’s it going?” Damien smiled back at you.

“Not too bad. I can’t complain. How are you?”

“Pretty good. Just trying to get that next sketch finished with Shayne.”

“Speaking of Shayne...is he okay? He’s just seemed a little spacey and frustrated earlier.”

“Oh yeah, he’s fine. He’s dealing with some stuff right now.”

Damien took a moment to really think if he should say what he wanted to say next. Maybe if he told you about Shayne you would take the pressure off his best friend and if you felt the same, you could ask Shayne out instead. Or he could make it look like this was all his doing because in reality, he was right now.

“So, hey, I was thinking about setting Shayne up with someone.” Damien continued casually, making his coffee the way he liked it. “Would you hate me for saying that I think you would be good for him?”

“Really?” You replied in surprise. “That’s big coming from his best friend.”

“Yeah, of course you. I think you would be good for him.”

“I don’t know...I don’t think he would see me as more than a friend.”

“Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.” 

Damien paused when he realized what he blurted out. Crap. He already kinda sorta spilled the beans. Well...that didn’t take long at all. Sorry Shayne...so so sorry.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

Wait, wait...was that hope Damien heard in your voice? Oh god, please. Please let it be. Despite possibly blowing this for Shayne, he really did mean it when he said that he thought you would be good for him. He still ended up sighing because he felt bad that he let the secret halfway out of the box...and was about to let it all out.

“Okay, look…” Damien put his coffee down on the counter. “He’s probably gonna kill me but he loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. Love? Wow, how long has he been holding out on you?

“He loves me?” 

Oh goddammit, Damien. Did you have to use the ‘L’ word? That’s it, no more coffee for him because apparently he didn’t start messing up until he drank any.

“How long has he had these feelings for me?” You asked.

Honestly, wow. You did not see that coming. You felt butterflies in your stomach and hope filled your heart. You had the biggest crush on Shayne and sometimes you swore it was obvious but maybe you hid it well enough to go undetected.

“Long enough.” Damien relented, deciding there was no point in hiding it. “I know he thought you were cute when you guys met but the longer you guys got to know each other…”

You nodded, understanding where he was going. You lightly smiled when you thought of the timeline because it matched up to yours.

“Can you let me talk to him? Like, don’t mention this conversation to him?” You smiled at Damien softly.

“Definitely.”

OH thank god. He didn’t mess this up. 

“Thank you, Damien. Seriously.”

=================================

You waited to talk to Shayne. You didn’t want it to be obvious you had talked to Damien about it so time was important. You didn’t want to unintentionally rat out Damien.

Currently, you and Shayne were the only ones at the office at the moment. Damien and Courtney were both filming and you two weren’t expected on set for at least another hour.

“No, I think we can add that here.” Shayne told you, pointing to the paragraph on the page and moving his finger up halfway.

“Yeah, the joke would land better there.” You agreed, cutting the paragraph and pasting it back.

You looked over to Shayne. Maybe now would be a good time to talk to him about what Damien told you last week. You both had managed to finish sooner than expected so you had some free time.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.” You added before looking back to the computer, hitting the save button.

“Sure, what’s up?” Shayne asked, curiosity in his tone.

“I, uh--” Oh no...the nerves were kicking in. Why? Damien said Shayne had feelings for you so what are you nervous? “This may sound like it’s coming out of left field but I like you, like, really like you.”

Shayne’s heart started beating what felt like a million miles a second...you...you had feelings for him too?

“And I feel like I needed to say something because I didn’t want to possibly regret not telling you.”

“Y/N…” Shayne started, his nerves getting the best of him. Wait, what the hell? You basically did the hard work but he still had a rough time with it? “I--I don’t feel the same way--” WAIT WHAT? SHAYNE WHAT WERE YOU DOING?”

You heart sank...was Damien wrong? I mean, why would he lie about something like this? Did even Damien misread things? You took a shaky breath in and nodded.

“It’s okay. I understand.” You began to grab your things...you just needed to get out of there.

“Y/N, wait…” Shayne tried to stop you.

“I’ll see you on set, yeah?” You smiled at him sadly.

“Y/N--”

You were already out the door before he could correct himself.

=================================

“Are you serious?” Damien asked Shayne.

“I don’t know what happened, I panicked and that’s what came out.” Shayne said.

“Oh Shayne--”

“I know, I know.”

“You need to make this right.”

“How? I don’t think she wants to talk to me right now. I just hurt her feelings.”

“You can fix it by straightening up the misunderstanding. You do it or I will.”

“Look, I’ll give it until tomorrow.”

“Why wouldn’t you wanna try now?”

“Because like I said. She wouldn’t want to talk to me right now. She needs some space.”

Damien shook his head and before he could just ignore what Shayne said, they were called to set...unfortunately there wasn’t a chance for them to talk after that.

=================================

Turns out you had a date the next night with a friend of Courtney’s and Shayne didn’t take to that very well. You decided to work from home that day so he couldn’t fix it or he can at least tell you why you couldn’t go out on that date.

Thing was, you decided not to go out on that date. You decided it would be best to stay home and sort out your feelings instead of acting on a bad impulse. It wouldn’t be fair to Courtney’s friend if you chose to go out with him because you were hurting after what happened with Shayne.

You were watching Schitt’s Creek on Netflix when your phone rang. You paused it and grabbed your phone seeing Shayne’s name on the Caller ID. Should you answer? Yeah. Of course. It could be important because normally he’d just text you.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Y/N…” Shayne voice sang on the other line, followed by a laugh. “Oh Y/N...yer so beauful.” He slurred.

“Are you drinking, Shayne?”

“No, no. I finished. Im callin cause Damimen--Damin--Damien? Yeah Damien said to. He hope you can give us a ride home.”

“Why can’t he?” 

“He doesn drink much...but he did wif me so he cant drive.”

“Where are you?”

=================================

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Damien said from the passenger’s seat. He wasn’t as drunk as Shayne but he had enough to keep him from driving.

“It’s okay, Damien. Better this than you guys driving home.” You replied with a small shrug. “So thanks for being responsible and not getting yourselves hurt or killed.”

“Y/N…” Shayne called from the back seat. “I messt up.”

“It’s fine, Shayne.” You couldn’t help but smile. Drunk Shayne was new to you and it was funny.

“Nooo...no s’not. I really like you.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

Damien smiled in shock as he looked towards Shayne. Finally. Also, he managed to get that out with a slur. Impressive. He then looked over to you to your shocked face as well.

“Wh--why didn’t you just say that yesterday after I told you how I felt?” You asked as you turned to face him at the red light. 

“I panicked. I been waitin to hear that then I said what I said. M’sorry.”

These past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster on your emotions. But in a sense, it was worth it because Shayne fucking felt the same way. It was happening. You quickly wiped at the tears brimming your eyes as you turned to face the stop light, a small smile on your face. 

==================================

“Hey.” Shayne greeted you when you answered your front door, nervous smile on his face.

“Hey. Come in.” You said, moving aside so he could come in.

“Thanks for last night. I’m so sorry about you dealing with drunk me.”

“Drunk you was hilarious. But how are you feeling?”

“Well, I woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus but I’m slowly getting better.”

“Good.”

“So about last night. I meant what I said. And I’m sorry I made you believe that I didn’t like you back.”

“It’s okay. Really, Shayne. I got into my own head and didn’t let you finish.”

“It’s not your fault.” Shayne took a step closer to you and took your hands in his. “I’m just glad to know you feel the same way about me. With that being said, can I take you out tonight?”

“Of course you can.”

You couldn’t help but close the gap between the two of you and lean in. Shayne met you halfway, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss.

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Twenty

Harry woke up slowly, his body was curled around Louis' back and he stared at Louis as he slept on. He leaned over and place a gentle on his cheek before he rolled over and grabbed his phone from his pants and called his management as he watched his boyfriend.

"Hey Harry, did you need something?"

"Release the album."

"What now? You've only made one conspicuous tweet about it two days ago. Why-"

"Just release it. It's finalized isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's completely finalized. Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright. We'll release it within the next few hours." Harry ended the call and made to cuddle Louis again, but his stomach alerted him he and Louis had yet to have breakfast, so he kissed his boyfriend then climbed out of bed and pulled out some joggers before he left his room. Harry made a quick breakfast then headed upstairs and set it on Louis' bedside seeing he had moved to lay on his stomach spread out on the bed. Harry knew that Louis would hog the entire bed if ever given the option which was why Harry always went to bed together, so Harry had a spot on the bed to sleep in.

"There better be enough for me on that tray." Louis mumbled eyes still closed

"Obviously. Have I ever made myself food without making for you?" Harry said climbing on the bed on his knees, "want me to feed you?"

"Is there tea?"

"Of course." Louis put his hand up making Harry raise an eyebrow, "don't you want to sit up first?"

"Harold. Tea. Now." Harry looked at his plain navy-blue bed sheets before handing the mug over watching as Louis carefully got on his elbows and took a sip, "you make the best tea."

"That's because I'm not impatient." Harry said as he laid Louis' plate down on the mattress upfront of him, "so since we've established, I'm better at pool than you-"

"Unfair advantages." Louis dismissed quickly, "we'll have a rematch in a public setting next time."

"Probably smart. So, if we eat our lunch breakfast and bathe, we will have time to kill before dinner. Wanna go out?"

"Or we can stay in bed all day."

"Or we can go out. Come on it'll only be for a few hours. I bought us matching outfits."

"That we can wear together when I can walk and since I can't walk might as well lay in bed and make sure I'm sure I can't walk tomorrow as well."

"Fine." Harry said pouting lightly as he kissed Louis' cheek, Louis leaned over and pressed his lips against Harry's before they finished their breakfast and Harry took their plates down to the kitchen.

*****

The next morning Harry woke up slowly in an empty bed, but he could see Louis outside on the balcony with his feet propped up on the railing as he smoked a cigarette.

"Baby." Harry called out watching as Louis turned and grinned at him, "morning." Louis stubbed his cigarette out and came into the bedroom dressed in a pair of tight joggers.

"Good morning handsome." Louis said as he crawled over him and straddled his waist, "so what do you want to do on this fine Sunday?"

"I need to eat and workout then I'm free for the rest of the day."

"Well after you're done, I want to talk to you about something."

"About what?" Harry asked

"After. It doesn't need an answer right away."

"Then tell me now so I can think about it while I work out."

"Okay just know that it doesn't have to be a Yes right away it can be a maybe or a let me think about it or even-"

"The fact that you think I'm capable of saying no to you is adorable." Harry said making Louis blush and roll his eyes as he reached for his laptop, "Oooh I've been wondering what you've been working on. Am I finally seeing it?"

"A little bit of it at least." Louis said, "As you know in about six months Elizabeth is retiring and will be selling the daycare building since none of her kids or grandkids wants it. Well, the building itself is pretty old and needs redone in many places and the plot beside it is going up for sale around the same time. So...what do you think of this." Louis turned the laptop around and Harry eyes widen before he sat up because this clearly needed his full attention.

"This is the daycare." Harry said

"Yes but press play." Louis said moving to sit beside him. Harry pressed play on the 3d sketch video of the current daycare being torn down and as another lot was added to make the yard bigger. The first thing done was a tall white palisade fence around the double yard then a gate that led to a modest car park that had more than enough spots. Then a beautiful white brick one story building was built with a soft blue double door with white panels beside it and picture windows with white paneling to match. Harry was grinning as he watched the camera move inside where the reception was, Harry watched the whole thirty-minute video going room to room and grinning when they entered the nursery area. Then he grinned wider when he saw the exterior was not being worked on some more adding a play area in the yard that once help the current daycare.

"Louis this is amazing. It's – I – I don't know what to say. It's beautiful and it looks amazing and what? Did you just want my opinion?"

"Well yeah, a little, but no not completely. I wanted to ask what your thought was about me quitting my job and going to the bank for a loan and talking to people about this."

"Yes, to quitting your job, yes to talking to people, and absolutely not for the bank. Lou a loan this size will take decades to pay off not to mention interest rates and you may need more later on if there's complications. Baby I have money and if we need a loan later on then yes, but for now, for down payments and lawyers and anything else we may need that I can pay upfront for let me do it. I promise you I won't go over a limit you set me and if we reach that limit, we'll go to a bank together, but Louis I have money. I have savings and I have an excellent credit score and I have millions in my accounts. I have money I haven't even touched yet. This project won't cost as much as you think it will."

"Harry I'm not going to ask you to spend who knows how much on this."

"You're not asking I'm offering."

"No."

Yes."

"No Harry I'm going to the bank and-"

"And be in debt for the rest of your life? Louis I have the means to help so let me help."

"But-"

"End goal is to get married isn't it? What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. Therefore, my money is practically yours anyway and this Daycare will be half mine so the way I see it I am investing in your future kid's daycare. See? I'm not giving my boyfriend money for his daycare I'm giving my future kids a wonderful daycare that happens to be owned by their parents."

"Your logic is stupid." Louis said though he was grinning as he thought about future kids, their future kids. Which was a scary and fast concept considering it hasn't even been a year together yet.

"My logic is brilliant. You're brilliant. This is layout is brilliant. You are a genius. A beautiful, lovely genius." Harry said as he cupped Louis' face and kissed him, "Beautiful. Lovely. Brilliant. Gorgeous. Genius." Harry emphasized each word with a kiss as he rolled over, so he was straddling Louis' waist still naked from yesterday.

"Pretty sure our positions need to be switched darling." Louis said with a grin as he kissed Harry

"I need to eat so maybe later. For now, you start calling architects and contractors and the city for meetings and steps. Oh, and call your boss and the landowner and-"

"Haz I do know what to do. It's not like I haven't been researching and designing this 3D model in one day it's been months of thinking about it." Louis said watching as Harry pulled on a pair of Louis' joggers that hugged everything on Harry considering they were a size or two too small.

"Right. Have fun. I'm going for my run first then I'll be in the home gym. Come get me if you need me. Most people do not require a payment just for a meeting however if they do my wallet is in my bedside drawer. Have fun." Harry was out of the room before Louis could tell him to put on some briefs at least, Louis grinned laying back in the bed thinking about how much Harry has changed since March. Since their first sexual experience together. Harry was free balling more often than not these days, not that Louis complained mind you. Harry often had to snap his fingers in Louis' face if Harry Jr was more visible than usual which usually ended up in Louis blowing Harry in random spots of the house. Louis was determined to have Harry fuck him on the cuddle chair in the living room right upfront of the picture window one of these days.

Louis rolled out of bed and grabbed his charger, phone, and wallet then headed downstairs to sit at the kitchen counter. He made sure to count the apples and bananas finding out Harry took a banana before his run. Harry didn't eat a big breakfast before his workout despite everyone telling him he should, he instead ate some fruit on the run then worked out then made a large breakfast good enough for Louis to save his appetite for. Despite how hungry he was this morning. It was an hour later when Harry came in sweat dripping down his body and his cut off shirt soaked. Louis was on the phone with the owner of the land beside the daycare listening to them talk about the plans they had for it, but life got in the way and Louis was politely nodding along and letting them know he was listening every few seconds. Honestly, he just wanted the price.

"Honestly, I'd be willing to give it away but not sure how the city would feel about it. Tell you what you said you were building a daycare to replace the other one? I'll do twenty-five hundred. Good?"

"Are you sure? It's a good bit of land and-"

"Trust me I don't want it anymore. You want it's yours for 2.5k."

"Great. Cash?"

"You got that much in cash? Really? Sure, thing let's meet next weekend at the coffee shop around the corner of the daycare."

"Sounds good. Thank you." Louis ended the call and turned to Harry who was leaning against the wall waiting patiently

"Oh, good I can kiss you now." Harry said before he was pressing his lips against Louis', "What was that about?"

"The owner of the land decided to tell me his life story and plans before life got in the way. We're meeting next weekend."

"Sounds good. How much for the land?"

"Twenty-five hundred. I think he's just desperate to get it out of his hands. I have that in my savings, so I don't need you-"

"Your savings is for you to decorate the daycare interior. I'm sure Elizabeth will be more than glad to give you the things she has, but I know you'll want new things as well and I was sort of hoping I could convince you to have a bigger kitchen in the daycare and...hear me out before you reject it right away. This is still your idea and if you don't like it then that's fine."

"What is it?" Louis asked looking at him

"Well, there's a lot of young single moms...a lot of young parents who may not be able to afford much. Make the building two stories and have small flats up there for struggling parents. While I was on my run, I remember some of things you told me about growing up with so many siblings and only one income. Obviously, we can't make the apartments too big, but two or three small bedroom flats is manageable. It'd be strict tenancy only allowing certain people since it's above a daycare, but I think it'd be a good idea. What do you think?" Louis grinned nodding

"Yeah, I'll have to redo my model, but yeah I like the idea. Maybe in the back of the building have a separate car park for tenants. Have their own entrance area too obviously."

"The daycare would be closed off from them except the main entrance, but maybe offer free childcare or something. Only pay rent? I don't know it'd be something to discuss, but I think it would really help some people out."

"I love you." Louis said cupping his face and pulling him into a kiss, "You're so sweet."

"I love you too. Now let me go so I can lift weights that weigh more than you so I can throw you over my shoulder and have my wicked way without later." Louis laughed as he watched Harry head to the home gym before he turned and went back to making calls while he played with a copy of his model.

********

Later that day while Louis finally realized why there had been so many Larry Stylinson related things today. He had stumbled upon a post of videos of him and Harry over the last few months to songs from his 0219 album. Louis grinned and watched every video for every song, the Drag Me Down had photos of Harry and his family, friends, Louis, and others and the History fan made video had pictures of fans and concerts and the XFactor days. The last slide was a collection of snippets turned into a video of fans telling Harry they love him and how thankful they were. It made Louis proud as he looked over at Harry who was making dinner. After only a few seconds Louis made a post. The first picture was of them at the Battle of the Bands, it was grainy and dark, but it was clear they had definitely made out right before the picture and they were red faced as well. The next photo was a picture they took recently of their old script concert tickets laying on the kitchen counter. The third photo was of Louis on his trip with his family with Harry in the background that they discovered they had during their trip at his mother’s. The fourth was of them at the XFactor auditions. The fifth photo was of Louis' first gift box, the sixth being a screenshot of their first facetime together, the seventh was their selfie together at SeaWorld Orlando on Valentine's Day. The eighth was of Louis and Harry kissing in Orlando Airport and the last photo was one taken today inside the home gym. Louis had his arm around Harry's waist and Harry had his hand on Louis' hip. Harry was visibly sweaty his soaked shirt was in the background in the mirror picture, but Louis loved a sweaty Harry. After writing small dates on the photos, he went to the caption and started typing,

When we first met, I wasn't out of the closet, I took your number, but never actually saved it. It was one of my many regrets back then. Then we saw each other again at The Script concert and I tried to explain, but we were both in a hurry to get back, so I never did. Then we were at the same trip during the summer and I still wasn't out to my family so I ignored you as best as I could but somehow you still ended up, I'm the background of one of the photos. We saw each other again at the XFactor auditions, I was out, and I ran into you and I always knew you'd be famous. I got your first autograph, and you got my favorite cardigan. I had to leave before my audition, but I always knew you'd make it. I wasn't there for the beginning of your journey, but I am here for your new adventure down a different path and I could never be more proud to call you mine. I can't wait to be there with you when the world hears what you've been working so hard on and I can't wait for them to see you the way I get to. I hope one day you are able to walk out of this house in any outfit you want without worry. I hope you're the man that breakfast gender roles and stereotypes and puts on your best either it be in a suit and tie or a dress. I love you and I am proud of you and your journey thus far. I know I'll continue being proud of you in years to come.

[spudmcloughlin]

recreating sean’s minecraft world day 5

jesus fucking hell i had a lot of problems today. i couldn’t figure out the roof of the stable and it turns out that’s because i made the actual stable too big. i ended up building the roof wrong so i tried to use dynamite to blow it off, which backfired and i ended up with holes all over the ground (but also the roof gone soooo win imo)

then i built the crops, but i did it according to my sketches from yesterday which were somehow wrong. i had to redo the crops like 3 times and you can see they’re not very great right now. i was in the middle of redoing them when i got distracted and started redoing the aquarium.

the aquarium is a huge pain in the ass holy shit??? building it wasn’t the problem, the problem was that fish keep coming in!!! why do fish keep coming in and how???

then. oh, then. i started working on the castle entrance when i noticed.

this entire side of the island was one block to the left.

so i had to halt what i was doing to redo the stable, and the field, and the aquarium. just move them back one block. but oh, dear viewer, trust me when i say it gets worse.

i was having some problem with the field, i don’t remember what, but i was working on it when i decided fuck it, i’ll just build that back wall and the arch to go with it. but then, the aquarium didn’t line up with it. there was a 2 block gap between the glass and the wall, when there was supposed to be no gap at all. so i spent an hour, maybe more, just scrubbing through videos to see where my error lay. one of them was with the field, i skipped over a strip of grass between the potatoes and the stable. but that was only one block, what about the second?

THE FUCKING STABLE WAS ONE BLOCK TOO CLOSE TO THE CASTLE.

I BASED EVERYTHING ON THE STABLE.

EVERYTHING IS ONE BLOCK TOO CLOSE TO THE CASTLE.

so after a lot of screaming and internal crying, i knew what i had to do. i have to move everything. i managed to move the aquarium, but i flooded my crops in the process with mystery water from nowhere and i had to kill a LOT of fish that just would not fucking move. seriously, how do they get in???

i ended up not being able to do much else because it’s very late and i have an early obligation tomorrow. otherwise i probably could’ve finished the whole mainland base tonight. i must have listened to “get back up” a million times today. at some point when i was redoing the aquarium for the second time, my ear caught the line “you can keep knocking me down and keep fighting me, but i’m gonna get back up” and man, i really fuckin felt that

[panic-and-procrastinate-writing]

Chapter 2: The Body

Turns out, you didn’t sleep. The sun was shining through your window and onto the bed where you laid with blood shot eyes staring at the ceiling.

That stupid trance thing had happened.

Your small sketchpad had been completely filled in last night, every page with a new picture of a detailed mugging or B’n’E or drug deal. Some pictures even had Batman in them. You actually liked those ones.

But the trance had still happened. Pencils all over the floor, even some sheets of paper that had been torn out.

Everything was a mess.

And you were exhausted.

The ringing of your phone cut through your train of thought.

Groaning, you grabbed you phone from your night stand and checked who it was.

Nevaeh. You sighed a happy sigh. Just seeing her name made a smile grace your lips.

But then your eyes flicked to the time, and just like a switch, the dread kicked in.

7:16

‘He started at around about three in the morning, and was done by 7 ish.’

You remembered those words you said yesterday, and suddenly, everything was too hot.

Sweat trickling down your face, you gulped what little air you could. You felt like you were suffocating.

Those words were all you could hear, besides the new ringing in your ears and the phone still ringing.

The phone was still ringing.

Right, Nevaeh was still calling.

Hesitantly, you pressed the little green button, and croakily answered “Hello?”

Since when had your throat gone dry?

“(y/n)? Thank god. I- I-” Was she crying? You shot up, but instantly regretted it when the room started spinning.

“(y/n)” She was definitely crying. The room was definitely too hot.

“Nevaeh.” She stilled over the phone, waiting to hear what you’d say.

“It’s alright, I’m here.”

Then she broke. She sobbed. You could hear it; her heart was hurting. She was terrified. She felt like the world was going to kill her. You knew that kind of fear.

But she was also grieving. No one should go through what that victim was going through. Except the person that did that.

After a few minutes she calmed down. She didn’t need to tell you. You knew why she called. But she did so anyway. She needed to tell someone. So that shouldn’t wouldn’t feel alone.

“I found the body.”

“It was on my way to work.”

“I didn’t know what it was until I got out of the car.”

You were listening, but you weren’t. The room was spinning. It was too hot.

Were you even breathing?

‘Breathe’

Why did it have to be her voice? Why did she have to try and help you? She never helped you.

But you still breathed. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

You could hear Nevaeh on the other side of the phone, copying your actions.

Did she know that you weren’t actually helping her? That you were breathing for yourself?  Apparently, it didn’t matter, because you both calmed down.

“I saw him.”

Your blood went cold. Ice was in your veins and goose bumps raced up your skin. Shivering, shaking, what was the difference? Either way she saw him.

She’s a witness.

He’s going to kill her.

“I caught a glimpse of him. His shadow mostly, but I gave the description to the police, even though it was barely anything.”

Relief.

She barely saw anything.

She’s safe.

“At least you’re okay. You are okay, right?” You asked, making sure.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just shaken up.”

“Good.” You sighed, followed by silence.

“What are you going to do now?” It was a stupid question; you knew what she was going to do. She’s the person who told you routine was the key to keeping calm.

She was gonna go to work.

“I’m gonna go to work.” Right as always. “I can’t just bail without warning. They need me.”

You hummed in agreement, laying back down on your bed.

“You okay?” what a weird question to ask. You weren’t the one who found a dead body.

“I’m fine? Why wouldn’t I be? I’m just worried about you is all.”

“Hm, don’t be, I’m okay now.” She sighed, and you heard the phone shifting, probably from her shoulder to her hand. She sighed again before she spoke;

“I had better get going, but thanks. I really needed you.”

You smiled at the ceiling, “It’s no problem, I’m always here whenever you need me. I Love you.”

“I love you too.” And just like that, she was gone. All that was left was the ringing in your ears.

*

Morning routine.

Make bed, make coffee, get changed, make more coffee, tidy room from last night’s episode.

Pause tidying. Watch as a vigilante climbs through your window and collapses on your floor. Cry because that was not part of the morning routine and oh god is he dead?

You stood there, tears brimming in your eyes and fear paralysing you because, What the fuck?!

What did normal people do in this situation?!

Normal people would help him.

But you weren’t normal and the room was getting too hot and your throat was getting tighter.

This is exactly why you never left the house! So people could never see you have a panic attack but there was a guy in your house uninvited and you were literally panicking.

You cried harder, the room suffocating and your face and throat was burning.

But then again, the guy on the floor was too dead to notice your break down even though that didn’t help the situation at all.

God you were so tired of having people die on your floor.

‘Stop panicking’

There she was again, helping when she’s supposed to be dead.

‘Breathe’

Deep breathes. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

‘Slowly’

God would she ever stop lecturing you?

But it worked. You hated to say it, but it worked. Your breathing became steady, and you actually thought you could help him.

So, you tried. You wiped your face and all your tears and tried to flip him over.

But he was so fucking heavy.

By the time you did your arms felt like jelly and you wanted to collapse.

Of course, you couldn’t rest until you checked he was alive. So, putting two fingers to his neck you felt around for a pulse. Fear was a bitch because the moment you couldn’t find it your hands started uncontrollably shaking, which made it even more difficult to continue trying.

But you found it. He was alive. You wanted to cry again.

God why did you have to be so fragile?

 You weren’t sure what to do with him. You definitely needed something to give you energy again, but at the same time, you couldn’t just leave him.

Actually, you could because the guy was too out of it to move.

But if he woke up and realised you had just left him on the floor to eat then he would probably hate you.

The sofa. Your massive L shaped sofa was always perfect for crashing, so if this bitch wanted to crash, then the sofa it was.

But he was still so fucking heavy.

At least you tried. Not all his limbs were on the sofa and you were pretty sure the guy would wake with a massive back ache but at least he wasn’t gonna die on the cold hard floor.

Just as you were about to give up and finally eat the rest of your strawberries, you noticed a syringe sticking out of his rib.

Deciding that that probably wasn’t good, you pulled it out.

He flinched, and you jumped a metre away. Then he went back to being dead and your heart was still racing a million miles an hour.

This was actual living hell.

The guy was in your house uninvited and he was trespassing and he was invading your safe space.

‘Breathe’

Jesus you hated her voice so much. But doing what you were told, from a fricking ghost, you calmed down.

Strawberry time. You deserved it.

*

You finished your morning routine.

You resumed your tidying, did the dishes, laundry and even the vacuuming and the guy still didn’t wake.

You were fairly certain a marching band could walk by and he wouldn’t wake.

Checking he was still alive, you put two fingers to his throat again. His heart was still beating.

Actually, his heart rate had sped up. You couldn’t tell if that was good thing or a bad thing.

Either way, now you had more energy so you could try to rearrange him on the sofa and make him more comfortable.

You were proud of yourself, now he looked like he was chilling.

Except now you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

 You decided to draw.

Putting last night’s sketch pad away since it had been filled in completely, you took out a new one and waited for inspiration.

Apparently, your inspiration was on the sofa.

You had never drawn real life models before, since you couldn’t leave the house, but you thought it would be fun.

It kinda was. For the first in a long time, drawing had actually been calming, and not fuelled by horrific nightmares.

And besides, the guy didn’t have too bad a physique.

But that bulky red bat symbol on his chest made you worried. And you couldn’t tell at all what his face looked like, since a bright red helmet was in the way.

Made him easier to draw though.

You drew him for hours, moving around your living room to get different angles and close ups. He didn’t move at all.

It worried you again, so you checked his pulse. But before you could put your fingers to his throat, his hand grabbed your wrist.

Your heart was racing again,

Touching was not allowed.

‘Don’t panic’

Hard not to when a stranger with guns was squeezing your wrist like he wanted to break it.

But he crashed. He fell through your window and crashed. In his moment of crisis, you took care of him.

He probably still needed taking care of.

He just needed reassuring.

“It’s okay.” You croaked out.

Damn it, your throat had gone dry again. Swallowing and clearing your throat, you tried again, in a much gentler voice.

“You’re okay. You’re safe.”

He made a mechanical grunting noise, you assumed it was from his helmet, and let go of your wrist, before collapsing back onto the sofa.

Well that was anticlimactic. All that fear for nothing because he was back to being dead.

Deciding you were exhausted of all the jump scares; you went to brush your teeth. After having so much coffee earlier, your teeth were feeling funny.

But you couldn’t look away from him for two seconds because when you peeked out the door to check on him, he was sitting up and bent over.

You paused in the bathroom doorway, toothbrush in mouth and panic starting to rise. But panicking was hard with a toothbrush in your mouth, because if you breathed in all you would breath in was toothpaste.

You didn’t wanna suffocate on toothpaste.

So, you stood there, staring at him as he looked up and stared back.

This was awkward.

Putting up your forefinger, as in ‘give me one minute’, you went back into the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth.

Time to take care of the drugged-up vigilante.

Walking over to the vigilante, who was still bent over, you knelt in front of him, trying to make him feel calmer.

“Are you in pain?”

He stared at you. You could tell he was sceptical, before he gently shook his head no.

“Do you want something to drink?”

He stared at you again, before rasping out a yes. Even with the mechanical filter you could hear how raw his throat was. He probably slept with his mouth open or something.

Getting up and going over to the kitchen, you grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water.

Damn, look at how calm you were. You were proud of yourself.

Walking back over to the vigilante, you sat beside him, but not too close, and handed him the glass.

He looked at you before grunting out “Cover your eyes.”

That scared you, before you rationalised that you weren’t allowed to see his face, and did what you were told.

Covering your eyes with your hand, you heard the fsshh of his helmet coming off.

Panic was bubbling underneath the surface of your skin, you hated not being able to see. But you bore with it, knowing you would probably be in more trouble if you didn’t.

You heard him take small sips, and then big gulps before placing the glass gently on the table. Then the click of his helmet going back on.

“It’s okay, you can look now.” His mechanical voice was back, and this was a much clearer version than his dry mouth voice.

Taking your hands off your eyes, you looked at him. He was sitting up straight, staring at the wall, thinking. The glass was empty on the table.

Slowly getting up so not to alarm him, you picked up the glass and walked back to the kitchen to clean it and put it away.

You were so god damn proud of yourself. Fear couldn’t get to you when you had to take care of another person. It felt great.

But then you heard a crash, and your heart dropped.

Running back to the living room, the vigilante had fallen over and flipped your coffee table.

Couldn’t leave him alone for two seconds.

Running over to him, you gently tried to help him up. Gentle wasn’t working because the guy was still so fucking heavy.

Apparently, all the stuff in his system wasn’t completely out, and he swayed back and forth.

“The rooms spinning.” He grunted out, pissed off, but refused to sit. Instead he leaned on you and tried to walk forward.

“Yeah well, that what happens when you get drugged.” You sassed out, starting to get mad the guy just won’t sit down. You were supporting most of his weight which was ridiculous considering your height and strength.

“Will you sit down! You were drugged for crying out loud, you can’t stand let alone walk!” The guy stared down at you, and you couldn’t tell if he was mad or surprised because of his god damn helmet, but either way, you felt incredibly small.

Deciding to listen to you, thank god, he shuffled backwards and crashed back onto the sofa, taking you with him.

Which was awful because no touching was allowed and you were practically being crushed by this guy.

You were really starting not to like this guy. Why couldn’t he just stay dead?

No, that was mean. He needs help. Lecturing yourself for thinking so cruelly, you wiggled out from under him and stood up in front of him.

You were the definition of frenzied. You were sweating and your face was all red.

Swallowing your fear, literally, you stood there and lectured him. “You crashed on my floor, half dead and stupid, and I took care of you by giving you a comfortable sofa to crash on. And I will continue to take care of you until I think that you’re okay enough to leave, which you are not right now. You will stay here tonight and I will check on you in the morning and decide if you can go. But for now, keep your ass on that god damn sofa because you are not walking anywhere.”

Silence.

Jesus you had never lectured someone that seriously before. Embarrassment burned your cheeks, because god you must have sounded so stupid.

But apparently you didn’t, because after the guy got over his shock, he grunted out a “Fine.” before knocking his head back.

At least he had some common sense. Except,

What to do now?

*

The vigilante never moved from the sofa. He drifted in and out of consciousness, and every time he woke up gave the same disgruntled noise of disapproval. He didn’t want to be here, but as far as you were concerned, he was gonna stay until he could walk straight.

You on the other hand? You were all over the place. One-minute reading, the next drawing, then TV, music, chess, cleaning again, you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You wanted to see Nevaeh, and after her morning, she probably wanted to see you too, but you just couldn’t with the vigilante in your house. Unless you moved him to your bedroom or something.

But then you didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

You were just so frustrated.

God you hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep for at least a week, and all your energy from coffee and strawberries was starting to wear off. If you had another coffee you were sure you were going to have a caffeine overdose.

That meant hospitals.

You were not allowed to leave the house.

Shaking off the paranoia, you paced in your living room again.

Then you sat down.

Then you paced some more.

Then you sat down again.

And just as you were about to get up again, the vigilante grunted “Stay.”

So, you sat down.

You weren’t happy about being told what to do though. You glared at him from the corner of your eye, thinking, I am are not a dog.

Then your phone rang.

It was 6:13, Nevaeh must have just got home and was calling. God you missed her so much.

Walking into your bedroom, you sat down and answered the call.

“Yeeesss?” You answered in a silly tone.

“Heyyyy, how’s my bestie doing?” She asked, her voice just as silly as yours.

“M’good, m’good.” You lied. It’s not like you could tell her the truth. Imagine that conversation,

“There’s a drugged-up vigilante on my sofa and I’m keeping him hostage until he’s better.”

You think not. Instead, you asked “How’s you? You feeling better from this morning?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling much better, you know how life works. Work helps distract me and now I feel like it didn’t even happen.” She chuckled; her voice clearly less stressed.

Nevaeh was weird like that. Work didn’t stress her out. It wasn’t like she working her dream job, but she didn’t exactly hate it either. She just had this ability to be so normal it was weird.

“Well that’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better now.” You replied, groaning as you laid down on the bed. Jesus your muscles ached.

“Please don’t have an orgasm on the phone (y/n)” Nevaeh joked in reply to your groaning.

“Psshh I can’t help it your voice is just so sexy.” You joked back; hearing Nevaeh laugh loudly on the other side of the phone. Instantly you felt calm again.

If a safe space could ever be a person, Nevaeh was yours.

“M’kay well, have fun with yourself, because I gotta go, I reaallyy need a relaxing bath.” Wait she was going? But you weren’t done feeling better.

“Wait!” You shouted. She stopped and hummed, waiting for you to speak. Shit, what could you say?

“What did he look like?” You blurted out. Stupid. That doesn’t make any one feel better! You could have said a million different things to make her stay. Just because that one was on your mind didn’t mean you had to say it!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

She was quiet over the phone for a while, and then “I didn’t see much, but I know he was wearing a red helmet.”

[mukettyl]

Train Rides and Late Nights

click for chapter two

okay okay so i’ve never actually followed through and wrote anything before, so this is my first actual finished piece- and i’ll most likely write more to it- but i’d love some feed back!!!

it’s reddie from both of their povs , that’s all.

-

It was 10:36 on a Friday night, and Richie had spent his night at work, like usual.

He absentmindedly ran his hands through his black, unruly curls as he walked toward his backpack. He was still in his work uniform, a tattered blue jumpsuit which was about 3 inches too short at the ankles, and his dad’s old Timberlands. Pinned over his heart was a name tag that said “Richie T.” in scribbled, black sharpie writing.

Technically, his shift had ended at 10:00 p.m., but he wanted to stick around to help close shop. It’s not like he had anywhere else to be.

“See ya Mr. D!” Richie yelled over his shoulder as he headed outside through the back garage. Shutting the doors behind him and putting his earbuds in, he was off.

Every Friday night he walked the mile and a half to the train station after his shift, rather than waiting for the bus to pick him up. It felt refreshing to him, the cool and crisp autumn air. He bounced on the balls of his feet to the rhythm of his music as he walked down the concrete path. It was foggy outside, but more of a mist than anything dense. It made him feel free, alive.

The street lamps flickered as he passed them, as if they were capable of responding to their surroundings. The mist had turned into a light drizzle as the train station came into view. He went to check his watch as he realized that he couldn’t read it due to the newly rain covered lenses of his glasses. He balled up the end of his sleeve into his fist to wipe them off. But before he could check the time, he heard the call for the train and just decided to make a run for it.

He arrived just in time for the train and was running across the tracks to the middle section as the gates began to descend. He tried to catch his breath while he waited as the doors began to close behind him. He had boarded the third car to the right, and went to sit in the same seat. The same seat that he sits in every Friday night.

But tonight was different. There was another boy in this seat, already.

“Why are you staring at me?”

With this, Richie snapped out of whatever trance had been holding onto his thoughts and re-focused his eyes to actually look at the smaller boy in front of him. His eyes were large with curiosity, or was it irritation? Probably both, Richie thought to himself. This boy looked extremely disheveled but more organized than Richie had ever been in his life, simultaneously. His hair was all over the place and his face was as red as a strawberry, yet his polo was buttoned to the top and the stack of paper he held in his lap were neatly color coded and pressed.

Richie took out an earbud to respond,

“Actually, I wasn’t staring at you, but now that I’ve taken a better look at you, I kinda wish I had been.” and sat down in the aisle across from the boy with a bewildered look on his face.

————

It was 10:10 p.m. as Eddie began to pack his bag and Mr. Lyroe finally finished his lecture on the importance of perspective. Almost two and a half hours of him monotonically talking about absolutely nothing. Nothing that Eddie bothered to listen to, that is.

Class was supposed to be over at 9:45 and he knew that there was no rational possibility of him making the bus that was a mile away in five minutes, but there was no other option, so he planned to do the near impossible.

He took everything he had learned from high school track and put it to use for what he hoped would be the last time he would ever need to in his entire life. And with that, he ran. It felt so much better than he had expected it to. After he had finally stood up to his mother and refused his inhaler, along with the plethora of placebos he was on, his life became a million times better. He had finally freed himself, and God knows he took that to his advantage. He had joined track and field, which was the one thing he was never allowed to do. He ended up having a natural talent for the sport and came in first place for the mile every year at state.

While running towards the bus, his hair had fallen over his eyes and his nose began to run, but it wasn’t bothering him. His cheeks were flushed and his face cold from the brisk October air. He had done it, he got on the 10:15.

The bus pulled into the cul de sac of the train station and let off all the passengers, being as it was its last stop. As Eddie stepped down the last stair of the bus, he walked over to the bench in the middle section of the station. It was 10:50, so he had 10 minutes until the train arrived. As he waited, it began to lightly rain around him, although he was nice and dry under the roof attached to the bench.

He doodled little birds all over the back page in his sketchbook. He dedicated this page to all the birds that his best friend would tell him about when they came across one of them. Yesterday’s was a pileated woodpecker, so it acted as today’s sketch.

The train pulled up and halted to a stop. He got on the car that ended up in front of him and took the first seat he saw. As Eddie looked up, he saw a much taller boy that seemed to be running for his life directly towards him.

This unknown boy did a b-line for the train car and jumped on seconds before the doors closed behind him. He looked around for a second and then just stared at Eddie, with a glossed over look in his eyes, under the coke bottle lenses. His chest was heaving rapidly.

After looking at him for what felt like minutes, Eddie finally mustered out, “Why are you staring at me?”

Whatever the lanky boy had been so enamored by quickly went away with a swift shake of his head. He took out his earbuds and looked Eddie up and down for a second before responding with, “Actually, I wasn’t staring at you, but now that I’ve taken a better look at you, I kinda wish I had been.” and sat is the seat across the aisle from him.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Chapter 7 : I'm Loving You

“I didn’t think it was anything at first. I mean, I think I just didn’t want to believe it. The first time I felt it was at Day of the Dead.” Will started explaining, petting my hair softly. “Power went out that night, too.” Mike exclaimed. “And then I felt it again at the field near the Nelson farm the next day. Then again yesterday outside Castle Byers.” he continued, making me bite my lip. “What does it feel like?” Max questioned, curious. “It’s almost like You know when you drop on a roller coaster? It’s like everything inside your body is just sinking all at once, but this is worse. Your body it goes cold and and you can’t breathe. I’ve felt it before, whenever he was close.” Will continued, looking at me worriedly. “Whenever who was close?” Max pressed, making me shake my head. “The Mind Flayer.” Will answered, making me sob softly hearing that again. “I closed the gate.” El explained, shocked. “I know, but what if he never left? What if we locked him out here with us? This is him. All of him. But, that day on the field, a part of him attached itself to me. My mom got it out of me and Eleven closed the gate.But the part that was still in me, what if it’s still in our world? In Hawkins.” Will drew a sketch of the Mind Flayer, explaining everything. “I don’t understand. The Demodogs died when El closed the gate. If the brain dies, the body dies.” Max refuted, but I shook my head. “I can’t take any chances…W-We can’t take any chances…We gotta assume the worst…A-And if that fucker is back…Th-Then…Then…Billy…” I put my hands in my hair in desperation, pulling at it. “He’d need new me. A new host. And it’s possible that Fox found the host.” Will muttered, hugging me. “How can you tell if someone is a host?” El asked softly, looking at us. “Lets go to the pool. It’s Billy’s shift now.” I offered, driving them to the pool and getting out the binoculars, spying at him.

He was staying in the life guard chair, with a long-sleeved sweater, a towel over his legs and an ice cold drink in his hand, sweating like crazy, which made me hit my head on the car.

“That’s it…He’s the host…He likes it cold, remember? The Sun is hurting him…And…And Billy doesn’t wear long sleeved sweaters…He kept saying they’re for nerds and he’d rather die than wear any.” I choked out in a very depressed voice. “Yeah, but he’s lounging at the pool, which is, like, the least Mind Flayer thing ever.” Max tried to reason, but Will shook his head.  “Not necessarily. The Mind Flayer likes to hide. He only used me when he needed me. It’s like like you’re dormant. And then, when he needs you, you’re activated.” Will told us, ready for a fight.  “Okay, so we just wait until he gets activated.” the girl asked in confusion, looking at each of us.  “No. What if he hurts someone?” Mike asked, incredulous.  “Or kills someone. We can’t take that chance. We need to find out if he’s the host” Will said, hurrying to the pool with the other 2. “Where are you going?” Max yelled after them, but they paid us no mind. “I have an idea. Boys only. Just trust me on this one.” Mike yelled back, not looking back. “This is gonna end up so badly…” I muttered, sneaking inside the pool with El, while Max stayed behind to watch over her brother.

Inside, we started making our plan to work and we lay in wait for Billy to finish his shift, at night. Before anything, however, I looked at Mike and gripped his shoulders tightly.

“Mike. I think you’re the most physically strong from the party. Look, I-I…I know how I can be…Wh-When we do our plan…C-Can you please make sure I stay back? I…I’m afraid I might do something to destroy the plan when I’ll see him in pain…So if anything happens, can I trust you to stop me?” I asked, looking hopeful at him, my heart breaking at the idea. “Sure, Fox. We’ll all make sure everything will be okay. We promise.” he reassured me, and I could only smile and sit down, scratching at my legs, waiting.

After what felt like a million years, the pool closed and Billy went to take a shower, and after he was done, we started our plan. I and El messed around a bit with the doors and lockers, making noise, while Mike put the dummy in the sauna room and duct taped the walkie to its waist, and called out Billy’s name, making him follow the noises, until he went berserk and got in the sauna, where he confused the dummy with a human and threatened him. But then, Mike told him to look behind, and El used her powers to slam him to the wall behind, making me cringe at the impact, feeling his pain, and the rest secured the door locked.

Billy then pressed his face to the door window and glared at us, pounding on the door, which made me flinch, Mike and Will holding my hands.

“Kat…Kat, let me out…They’re holding you back, ain’t they?…You kids! You think this is funny? You kids think this is some kind of sick prank, huh? You little shits think this is funny? What is this? Open the door. Open the door! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODAMN DOOR!!” he yelled again, but somehow slid down the door with a grunt, and that was the last straw and I ran to the door, planting my hands on the door and looking through the window at the collapsed boy. “Billy! Billy, are you okay? Baby, talk to me, please!” I raised my voice, trying to make him hear me. “It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault, Kat. I promise you, it’s not my fault.” he cried on the floor, pleading and praying at me to forgive him. “What’s not your fault, honey? It’s okay, you can tell me! I’m right here!” I reassured him in a sweet voice, despite my heart ripping itself in pieces. “I’ve done things, Kat. Really bad things. I didn’t mean to. He made me do it.” he implored, looking at me and sobbing. “Who made you do it, sugar? I’m here, baby, it’s gonna be okay, I promise! I’m here to protect you!” I put my forehead to the window, looking at him. “I don’t know, it’s like a shadow. Like a giant shadow. Please, Kitten, please forgive me!” he begged and begged, rocking back and forth on the ground, making me sob and rake my fingers on the door. “What did he make you do, sweetheart? I promise I’m not mad, so please, tell me what happened.” I tried to persuade him to tell me, “It’s not my fault, okay? Kitten, please. Please, believe me, Kitten, it’s not my fault. I tried to stop him, okay? I did. Please believe me, Kat. Please believe me!” he slid down on the ground, barely hanging up, holding the bench, which made my legs tremble. “Baby, it’s gonna be okay! I promise you, you’ll be alright, honey! I will save you, no matter what!” I cried, cursing myself for not being able to just break down the door and hold him.  “Kitten, please…” he chocked, sobbing, looking as helpless as never before. “It’s gonna be okay, sweety, I swear! We want to help you, we WILL help you, I promise! I swear on my life! We will to help you, just have to talk to us, okay? You have to talk to us, sweetheart! I know it’s not your fault, love, I know, I believe you! You are a good person, I know that. You let me see your good side, and you’re such a lovely and sweet person who deserves the world…We’ll figure it out together, okay? I promised I will always be there for you, and I will! Please, baby, I need you to trust me. Please…Please-” tears wouldn’t stop falling down my face so hard that I didn’t realise he wasn’t Billy anymore just like that, nor that the kids were talking, warning me to step back.

It was too late when I realised, as I was barely able to side step the glass shards from the window as he broke it, glaring, cursing and threatening me. “Let me out, you fucking bitch! Let me out or I’ll fucking gut you! LET ME OUT!” he kept repeating, and I swear I never felt my heart hurt so much than now, seeing him in so much pain. “Fox, get away from there!” Lucas yelled before hitting him with…Something. Something strong enough to make him fall back…And let the monster take over him.

Billy roared in pain as the monster took over him, and while I felt vulnerable as hell, I stood in front of the kids, wiping away my tears and standing my ground as he started pounding on the door like a mad bull, until he destroyed it.

“Billy…? I know you’re in there. Please…It’s me…Your Kitten…Please, baby, look at me and remember. You’re strong, baby, you’re strong, so fight that monster possessing you and come back to me, I beg of you!” I cried out to him, but it had no effect at all, his eyes remained unwavering…With the only exception of a stray tear falling down his face as he lunged towards me.

“I’m so sorry, baby…” I choked out, as I made the weights levitate and hit him, pinning him on the wall. “GET OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU! I’LL KEEP HIM BUSY!” I screamed at them, concentrating as hard as I could on pinning him but it wasn’t that easy, for the monster overpowered me and made him throw the weights back at me, hitting me in the stomach, kicking out the air from my lungs, and in turn, falling over El. I was barely able to take off the weights, that he took me by the hair and snapped my head back to look at him…But he wouldn’t look at me, but at the kids, as he slammed his hand on my throat and raised me high into the air, choking me.

“B-Billy…! P-Please, h-hon-ney…P-Ple-ase…”

I managed to choke out between gasps of air. My vision became blurry and I didn’t realise that El used her powers to hit Billy with the weights again, making him drop me to the ground like a rag doll, until I stood up when he strutted towards them, and I levitated him in the air, this time the strain an infinite times worse, for some reason that I suspect would be the Mind Flayer’s influence on his body. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HIM, YOU MONSTER!!” I shriek in a shrill and desperate voice as I slammed his body so hard on the wall that he went through, running away, making me collapse on the floor, sobbing from the effort and seeing the love of my life in such a state.

“Fox! Fox, are you okay? Fox, look at me!”

Will shook me desperately, screaming my name, and I could only throw my arms around his frail body wailing in pain, emotionally, for my body felt numb.

“WHY HIM?! WHY?! WHY DID THE FUCKING MONSTER HAVE TO TAKE HIM?! FUCKING HELL, WHY?!”

I screamed my lungs out, letting out all my frustrations.

“It’s okay, Fox, it’s okay, I promise you we will save him. I promised you and I won’t back down on my words, okay?”

he held my face in his hands, looking into my eyes, and I could only nod and say a barely audible

“Okay”

, before they helped me on my feet and we got out of there.

We went back to Mike’s house where El and Max went to the bathroom to clean El up from the blood, while I just stood on the ground, looking at the ceiling, my mind completely blank, not being able to think of feel anything. I couldn’t hear what anyone around me was saying, arguing or doing, it was just me and my own world, thinking, overthinking, my head spinning and mixing like it was gonna snap and remain unfixable.

That is, until a sweet voice and a shook woke me up to reality, and I saw Nancy’s gorgeous eyes looking concerned at me.

“When did you get here…?” I asked in a shushed voice, tilting my head slightly. “We just got here. What happened with you…? Here, let me clean you up.” she helped me get on the couch and took some watered tissues and cleaned my face. “Billy happened. He’s been possessed by the Mind Flayer. Fox tried her best to get to Billy’s mind, but the Mind Flayer was stronger and it made Billy attack us…And her, especially.” Will explained, licking his lips, afraid he might trigger another panic attack for me. “It’s fine, Will…I’ll be okay…I am okay…He is not…As long as he’s okay, I am okay…” I said in a very robotic voice, my vision still not focused on everything and I felt like rolling around in a limbo state. “Your neck…Does it still hurt?” she asked, touching it gingerly. “A bit. More when I talk…No big deal, no worries.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “Look at the body temperatures.” Nancy said, showing us a paper with the victim’s weirdly cold body temperature.  “He likes it cold." I muttered, glaring softly at the paper.  "Okay, so this crazy old woman who was eating fertilizer. What time was this attack?” Mike asked, a bit frustrated. “Last night. Around 9:00.” Nancy answered, making Jonathan look at her.  “You waited all night to call?” he asked, a bit shocked. “I was waiting for the doctors to run some tests.” she explained, looking down. “You weren’t there?” Will asked, making his brother shake his head.  “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” he tried to defend himself, but Nancy was annoyed and dramatically exclaimed "Hallelujah!“, making Lucas go "Ooh.” and me to facepalm at how badly and awkwardly they were handling everything.  “Um, so, what time was your sauna test?” Nancy asked, making us all answer in unison "Around 9:00.“ "Well, that proves it. That proves my theory.” the girl clapped her hands together, nodding at us in victory. “She’s flayed, just like Billy.” Mike informed, making Jonathan look weird at him. “Flayed?” he asked in confusion. “The Mind Flayer. He flays people. Takes over their mind. Once they do that, they basically become him. If there are two flayed, we have to assume there are more.” Will explained to them the matter. “Heather Holloway. I’m sure she’s been flayed. I’ve known about both of them since I saw them at her house.” I muttered, biting my lip in annoyance. “Then let’s go to her house and see if we can find any clues!” Nancy exclaimed, rushing us to the car.

We drove back to Heather’s house, which was a complete mess, and we found a mix of chemicals on the counter and the scene of the crime, where we realised that Heather struck her father with the wine bottle, then Billy tied them up and dragged them to a place where the Mind Flayer wouldn’t want us to see, so now we have to unveil that secret.

Great!

And at the end…We went to visit the old lady that got Flayed, hoping that she’ll be able to guide us to the place where it all started and we can save every-…Fuck that.

I don’t care about everyone.

I’m not gonna lie anymore, fuck it.

I just want to save Billy and keep him safe.

Fuck the old lady.

Fuck Heather.

Fuck Heather’s parents.

Fuck everyone else that isn’t Billy Hargrove.

—

Back at home, El was in the other room, trying to locate Heather or someone so we could find out where the source is. I’ve been trying to make her let me do it in her stead, since I’m practically running on a thousand miles per hour with worry and I can’t stay still no matter what…So I just started pacing everywhere in the room, until she got back here and told us that she has to try another way to locate them.

“I am doing it. I’m done letting you do everything. I physically canNOT stay still any longer and I swear to fucking God that if I have to take another breath instead of looking for him, I will explode. So give me that scarf, forgive me for being such a bitch, and let me do this.” I panted, gripping her shoulders and peering so deep into her eyes that I could practically see her soul. “Are you sure, Kat? It could be dangerous. You’ve never done this before, right?” she blinked at me, worriedly, but I only shook my head. “Please, El, I beg of you. Let me do this. It’s killing me and I don’t know if I can take much more of this. He’s all alone out there and he needs me. It’s…It’s gonna be 4th of July, El. He promised he’d take me on a trip to the mountains, just us two…Just us, alone, with the forest, camping fire, the lake and or favourite rock songs that sing to me while playing the piano…He’s scared, and El, my heart can’t take thinking of him crying and hurting anymore. Please, let me do it. Please.” I fell to my knees, hugging her tightly and sobbing in her shirt, begging her to let me do something so I won’t feel as useless. “Okay, Kat…But please be okay. Be careful.” she sighed, petting my hair and giving me the scarf. “Okay…Okay…So…I just stay here, TV open…And you guys shut up while I try to focus…And I do my thing…Kinda like how I did with Will, right? That should be it…I hope…” I hyped myself, sitting on the floor as I tied the scarf around my eyes and took a deep breath.

It didn’t take long before the dizzying from searching vanished and I found myself in a dark place, walking on water, and there, in front of me, stood Billy on a bed. I rushed to him, taking in the cried face and the wound on his face, and my heart was so overwhelmed with emotions that I kneeled in front of him, taking one of his hands in both of mine, holding it on my face, calling out to him.

“Billy…? Baby? Can you hear me, sweetheart? …Honey, can you hear my voice…?" 

I called out to him again and again, letting a few stray tears fall down my cheeks, until his eyes, no longer fixed in one point, averted to mine. At first, I could see a flicker of guilt, fright and recognision…But it all faded away as soon as it came and with the other hand, he gripped my neck tightly again, making me choke and gasp for air, and without realising, I used my powers to push myself from his grasp, and I fell -

And I fell -

And I kept falling and falling, and it felt like I was in slow motion, like sleep paralysis all over again, as flashbacks coming from Billy’s mind, the car-crash, the fights, the victims, how he tried to escape the monster…Everything.

That is, until I found myself splattered on a beach, the waves wetting my clothes, making me get up…

I was scared, my head was spinning, the flying and croaking seagulls were making me feel sick and the sound of the water, trying to find a place to focus and stop the growing anxiety attack…

"Fox?! Fox, are you okay?!” I could somehow hear from outside this place. “Yeah…I’m fine now…” I managed to mumble, not sure if my voice was heard. “Can you see anything?” Will asked, trying to keep me grounded. “I’m at the beach…California…” I sighed, moving on.

Looking around, I could see a little boy with a surf board, running happily to his mother, a gorgeous woman in a white dress, wearing a hat.

That was Billy.

“What can you see?” he questioned, his voice firm, but still gentle. “I…I can see Billy…He’s so young…And he’s so happy…He’s…He’s smiling…And he’s talking to his mum…He’s going back to surf…” I informed them, before they both vanished as soon as I looked ahead and saw a huge storm with red lights. “I think I see the source.” I said sternly, making a run for it.

Running was never my strong point, but now, I couldn’t care less about my aching muscles or burning lungs. On my way there, I passed by that shithead Neil, yelling, insulting and reprimanding Billy, which made me try to push him away, but my hands when through the smoke-like figure, and it pissed me off to no end, continuing to run.

I couldn’t bear looking at the imagine of a kid Billy beating out a kid and calling him the same names his poor excuse of a father called him.

The storm kept getting harder and harder to pass through, the more his heart ached at those memories, including those where his father hit his mother, when she finally left them and he kept begging her to return over the phone, when his father remarried and showed him Max…And then…The car crash, how he got to that place…And that place had the monster take him.

I screamed out after him, but before I could process anything, that memory vanished and I was in the eye of the storm. I passed his broken Camaro…And got to this dubious building, with must have been the source.

“Brimborn Steelworks.” I told the kids as I looked at the huge letters on the building. “Okay, Fox, great job, now get out of there!” Will called out, making me try to get back, focusing on leaving.

This made my head spin like crazy, and the feeling of falling from earlier felt even worse, as it was reversed, and I could see everything that happened to him, from the car crash, how we went to the phone, how he got dragged inside the building…How he turned Heather and her parents into one of them…How he attacked me…How he screamed in pain…Everything.

By the time I was able to take out the scarf and finally breathe again, I found myself all alone in the house, which made me panic even harder.

“Will?! MAX?! NANCY?! HELLO?! GUYS, WHERE ARE YOU?!” I screamed as hard as my lungs kept me, crying and pacing around in circles, until I heard a sort-of demonic voice called out from another room. “They can’t hear you.” it said, as Billy came into the room, looking as robotic as ever. “You shouldn’t have come look for me.” he declared, approaching me. “Because now I can see you. We all can see you.” he pressed on, walking towards me in a very intimidating and threatening manner, making me back away as fast as I could, all while looking at the tears that kept trying to escape and flow down his face. “Leave him alone! Get away from him!” I barely managed to choke out as he smirked. “YOU let us in and now YOU are going to let us stay. We’ve been building it for you. All that work, all that pain all of it for you. And now it’s time. Time to end it.” he grinned manically, trying to get closer to me. “NO! SHUT UP! GO AWAY! LEAVE HIM ALONE! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!!” I screamed as hard as I could, sobbing, crying, wailing like a cat in distress, but he didn’t seem to disappear no matter how hard I tried to focus on making him disappear. “And we are going to end you.” I kept shaking my head, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get out, but to no avail. “And when you are gone, we are going to end your friends.” he said in an even darker voice, frightening me like never before. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!” I shrieked, falling to my knees, gripping my head in desperation. “And then we are going to end everyone.” he ended with a satisfied deadpan comment, making me let out a high pitched shrill scream, “GET OUT!!!”, making my vision start to twist, as I somehow made Billy fly and slam into the wall behind him, but just as my whole vision went black, I could hear a very faint “I’m sorry, Kitten.” making me scream in agony and somehow, fall to the ground in the real world, coughing blood and crying.

“Get back…Please…Please get back…” I managed to cry out barely audible, curling down on the carpet and wallowing in self pity. “Kat…? Kat, what happened?” Nancy asked, kneeling in front of me and helping me stand, hugging me. “You were yelling for something to get out of your head…Did the Mind Flayer get to you?” she peered on, making me nod. “Controlling Billy…He…He said that…They were gonna kill me…Me and El… And then all my friends…And then everyone…But…But at the end…I-I-I could h-hear h-his voice…Billy’s…The real Billy…A-And…H-He said…He said ‘I’m sorry, Kitten.’ a-and I knew he was still there…And I want him back…I want him back, Nancy, please, I want him back…” I cried in her chest as she tried to calm me down by saying reassuring words that I doubt she believed anyways. “Did he tell you anything else?” Will asked softly, trying not to scare me. “He…He knows we are here…We were right here…In this place…A-And he said he can see us…And…I think they might be coming over…What do we do…?” I questioned them, my mind completely out of it. “Also…He’s building an army…To kill me and El…So…I think I should leave this place before I put you in more danger…” I muttered, trying to get up, but Nancy held me tight. “You’re not going anywhere. We stand and fight someway. We need a plan.” she reprimanded me like a mum would, making me sit still and sigh. “Nancy…I-I think…I hear something from outside…Can you…?” I asked softly, looking up at her. “…I do. Do you guys hear that…?” she asked in a hushed tone as she got closer to the window.

She dragged me outside, to see the fireworks, but the bad thing was that we could see the monster hitting trees and getting towards us, making me let out a shaky laugh and mutter “We’re fucked.”

We ran back in the cabin and closed all possible entrances, giving everyone weapons as everything started shaking and the lights kept flickering.

All of a sudden, a huge tentacle came through the window, aiming at Nancy, but Jonathan managed to hit it. Instead, the tentacle got mad and slapped Jonathan into the wall, which got Nancy to shoot all the Shotgun bullets at it, which made her the monster’s trajectory. She backed into the wall, but I got in between her and the monster and used my powers to stop the tentacle and make it back away, before another show out and attacked me. I held both tentacles with my hands, but another came through the roof, biting my leg and I sure as hell wasn’t expecting that.

I kept screaming out to them to help me, and it took all of them to hold me back and El to use her powers to get the monster to back off, not before she got her arm scratched as well. But even after Lucas and El managed to sever that tentacle, making me fall to the ground, the teeth and head were still attached to my leg like a leech, making Nancy pull away at it, throwing it away, and me screaming in agony. How the hell do I still have a voice after everything going on…

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM US, YOU, FUCKASS!” I screamed at the monster as it returned even after that, which made me royally pissed, and pulling myself up by tugging at Will’s clothes, I use as much of my power as I can hitting the monster’s head on the roof, getting help from El to then split its head in two, and making it get the hell away from us…Well, more like drawing back for a few seconds as it roared in pain.

I collapsed on the floor, clutching my leg in pain and cursing away life as it is, before Jonathan helped me up and we all got to the car, somehow fitting all of us and driving the hell away to the nearest market, where the kids got some freaky fireworks and I asked Nancy and Max to give me some stuff to nurse away my wound, despite my vision being blurry as hell from the pain.

I’m a doctor in training, who cares if I can’t see, it’s just a bite, it shouldn’t be too bad, right?

As Max and I cleaned and disinfected my wound, El and the rest tried to see where the hell Dustin was, and in the end, we ended up driving to Starcourt, where El used her powers to knock over some Russians that were threatening Steve, Robin, Dustin and Lucas’ little sister.

Yes, the reunion was lovely, everyone was trying to explain and fill in each puzzle piece, but I couldn’t hear anything but a ringing, my leg hurt so much that it send shocks all over my body and I felt like throwing up worse than from those Vodka-days. The state of vertigo was so bad that I collapsed to the floor, barely able to call out for Nancy. The ceiling was rotating, maybe even I was, I couldn’t tell anymore. I gripped my head and started crying, my heart hurt in fear from this circling around, but my leg….My leg was killing me.

“Nancy…M-My l-leg…H-Help…” I managed to choke out, and the reactions they had as they revealed the wound was enough to scare me and not want to see it. “There’s something inside it. We have to take it out.” one of them said, making me scream and cry in pain. “M-Monster…I think…Out…” I tried to explain that I thought a bit of that monster was in my wound, but I don’t know what they understood.

The girl instructed Jonathan to get a pair of gloves, a knife and some wood and as they got there, I panted a bit, coughing a bit of blood, before scowling.

“Two hold me down…One cut fast…I take out…” I managed to say between sobs, and that’s just how it went down.

Robin and Steve held me down as I shrieked, biting on that wood piece, Nancy and Will were the emotional support while Jonathan managed to cut the swollen wound, shocking everyone.

“Me…Now…Off…” I panted after taking out that wood, trying to regain my courage. “Come on, Kat, you’re a strong girl! You can do it!” Robin encouraged me, hugging my side, and I could only nod absent-mindedly, screaming in agony as I used my powers to get that moving monster residue out of my wound and I collapsed again on the floor, sobbing. “My only fear in life for so long…Has been pain…So why…Do I have to endure this…? Why…?…I just want Billy back…I just wanna go to California with him…And be happy.” I tried to calm myself, closing my eyes, imagining my ideal life, away from all this mess. “It’s gonna be over soon.” a voice I haven’t heard in a long while called out, making me raise up my torso and see Hopper, with Joyce and another man, making me cry in shock and happiness. “Jim…? Why are you here…?” I asked, smiling through my tears. “Rescuing you, of course.” he let out an amused breath, getting me and El to sit on the bench, holding us both as everyone started explaining what the hell was going on here.

Frankly, I’m not sure that we actually know for sure what the hell is going on here, not even with the proper information, but even so, we had to do SOMETHING.

“I can help…” I found myself saying randomly, despite not even knowing what they were talking about. My mind was still hazy and I was trying with much difficulty to put back together my sanity…For Billy…And for everyone here. “No, missy, you’re staying right here and that’s an order. Both of you. We have a plan and we all gotta stick to it, roger?” he asked in a mock military voice, getting me to giggle. “Roger that, Captain Hopper…Please return to me safely. Please. I don’t want to live in a world without Captain Hopper, okay? There’d be nobody to visit me, call me regularly to make sure I’m okay and nobody to bring me food and water, 'cause I’m a forgetful klutz who forgets to breathe sometimes.” I laughed weakly, making him chuckle in return. “Don’t worry, kid, I don’t plan on letting the Russians get me…But…Here, take this. Don’t open it until you’re home, okay? Promise.” he made me promise like we always did…A pinky promise, and I nodded my head and grinned, my heart aching at the thought of letting him go again, but I hooked my pinky to his nonetheless. “And you please promise to take care of yourself and Joyce. Please.” I looked at him in the eyes, and despite his sorrowful look, he nodded and got up.

We were in 3 groups…Again.

Jonathan and Nancy told us to get in the car so we could drive to a safer place, but on a closer inspection, Jonathan realised that the ignition cable was taken away and…Billy was in his Chevrolet, about to bust into us, so we ran back inside and looked for weapons and ways to keep ourselves safe.

I noticed El trying to move the car or make a soda pop burst open, and she couldn’t, which panicked me a bit and I tried as well…

But I could do it.

Okay, okay, better reserve my energy for when the monster arrives-

Which is now…Through the roof…

A G A I N

“TAKE COVER!” I yelled at them, making Jonathan, Nancy, Lucas and Will hide behind a car, while I, Max, El and Mike behind a counter, trying not to breathe too loudly as the monster kept prowling around and Dustin was screaming into a Walkie talkie.

We distracted the monster so we’d go through the Gap, but we walked on glass shards which made loud noises, getting the monster onto our backs. We got saved by Lucas’ amazing ranger skills since he popped a balloon and we could run away.

We all ran outside, and somehow Steve and Robin managed to run into Billy’s car, making him stop following us, and got the monster to follow them, but at the same time, I and the other 3 had to get back in the mall because Billy was trying to attack us, and while sure, Max closed the gate, Billy was much stronger than all of us put together, and inside, he knocked all of us out and picked me up and offered me as some sort of sacrifice to the Mind Flayer.

“Billy! Baby! Honey! Sugar! Billy, love, can you hear me?! Please, don’t let him kill me! Please!” I tried to call out to him, crawling away, but as the monster tried attacking me, the kids used those gunpowder fireworks to distract the monster.

The fireworks seemed to hurt Billy as well, since he fell to his knees, screaming away in pain while I tried to crawl away from there, but I suddenly felt a strong grip on my wound and I shrieked in pain, clawing at the ground to get away, until I got thrown to the ground and Billy put both hands on my neck, squeezing, dragging me up and down and I panted for hair and screamed in pain and fright.

But then he stopped.

And he looked in my eyes.

And I knew this was the opportunity I was looking for.

“Remember California, baby? Remember the waves? The seagulls? The sand? The sun? The water…Was 7 feet, you said…You were surfing, remember? And…And your mum was there…So beautiful…Long blond hair, a long white dress, a nice straw hat, her sandals in her hands…She looked like a princess…I guess that’s why you are so beautiful, honey…You take after her…” I choked out, reliving those memories of his at the same time as him, as I put my hands on his face, wiping away the tears forming. “Baby, you were so happy back then…Happier than I could ever make you…And I’m so sorry I couldn’t make you as happy as you deserve, because you deserve the world, sugar. I promised I’d keep you safe, that I would protect you, but instead, I let that monster take over you…And I’m so sorry, Billy, it’s all my fault.” I cried, realising that all parts of the monsters were gone by now, but he was too stunned to say anything at all. “Remember "Christmas, sweety? Remember our first kiss? Remember when we first slept together? Remember how flustered I was when you first called me Your Kitten? Remember how happy we were when we got our scholarships? We said we’d move to Cali together…Have fun and be happy…Together…Just us…Baby, today is the 4th of July, do you remember? We said we’d be going on a trip to the mountains…Just us two, together, in love, happy, nobody and nothing to bother us…My love, do you remember these necklaces? I am yours, and you are mine and everybody knew it…” I choked on my words, my heart hurting so much from everything going on, until I realised that the kids were out of fireworks and I had to do something, or we’d get attacked. “I’m sorry, Kitten…” Billy managed to say, barely above a whisper, making me sob and throw my arms around his neck, holding him closer to me just for a few more seconds…I finally had my Billy back with me…And I was his Kitten once again. “Baby…I love you so much, Billy. I love you with all my heart and please, please, never forget me. I love you to the Moon and back.” I said between sobs as I pulled him in a deep kiss, before using one hand to push him away from me, while with the other I stopped one of the monster’s tentacles that was threatening us.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM AND MY KIDS! YOU HURT ME, THAT’S ALRIGHT, YOU’VE DONE YOUR SHARE, OKAY! BUT IF YOU TOUCH MY BILLY OR MY KIDS AGAIN, YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING WISH YOU DIDN’T EXIST, YOU PIECE OF SHIET!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, letting out all frustrations, all feelings, all the pent up rage that residued my heart as it threw another tentacle at me, now stopping them both with my hands.

“FUCK OFF! GO BACK TO YOUR STUPID DIMENSION AND LEAVE US ALONE! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU HURT HIM! YOU FUCKING HURT HIM!! DIDN’T HE GO THROUGH ENOUGH?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!” I shrieked, holding it off as best as I could, not even caring that my face was smeared with blood from my nose and eyes.

“YOU MADE ME HURT HIM! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME FUCKING HURT HIM?! AND WORSE, HOW COULD YOU FORCE HIM TO BREAK HIS PROMISE AND HURT ME AND THE KIDS?! AND HIS SISTER?! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKING ABOMINATION!!” I had no idea if my words came out coherent anymore, for a 3rd tentacle circled around me and shot me through my right shoulder, making me writhe in pain, but I still stood my ground, crying.

“YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA STOP ME?! THEY’RE CLOSING THE FUCKING GATE RIGHT NOW! AND YOU’LL FUCKING DIE! YOU WILL BE GONE! NOBODY WILL REMEMBER YOU! DEAD! THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL BE! NOTHING BUT ASHES!” I raged at it, trying to stop my trembling legs as I coughed blood like never before.

“Guys…My vision’s becoming blurry…Warn me if there’s a new vine or whatevs shooting…” I mumbled, not sure if they heard me, until I heard a shrill “LOOK OUT!” and I felt my stomach get hit, making me vomit blood and choke for air, but still not breaking focus for one second.

“You fucktard…Really…Don’t want me…To be happy…Do you? You can’t…Let me…Enjoy my life…With the love of my life…And my friends…You disgusting piece of shit.” I cursed it, as one another vine shot my already damaged leg, making me fall on one knee, screaming in concentration and anger.

“ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?! I CAN’T FUCKING SEE! BLANK! ALL BLACK! NOTHING! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?! FOR ME TO OVERUSE MY POWERS SO YOU CAN KILL ME?! WELL, THINK AGAIN! I CAN GO BLIND AND DEAF AND MUTE AND I WON’T BUDGE FROM HERE! YOU’RE NOT HURTING ANYONE AGAIN!” I shrieked, not even bothering to feel fear from being completely blind and unaware of my surrounding, just trying to hold that thing off as long as possible.

“Kitten, you’re doing so well! It will be alright! You…We will be alright! Just hang in there a bit longer, and this fuckass will die! We’re gonna have our revenge, baby!” I could hear Billy’s voice called out from in front of me, confusing me slightly 'cause I knew he was behind me, but my mind wasn’t rational anymore.

“CLOSE THE FUCKING GATE ALREADY! I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN KEEP THIS UP ANYMORE! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!” I raged on, even more motivated and angrier than before, but thankfully, it didn’t last long before all sounds stopped around me and there was no more pressure.

I was confused…Did I die, or did we win? Did they close the gate?

I found myself slowly turning behind me, licking my lips a bit, not sure how I was still standing anymore.

“Hey…Did we win…?” I asked, barely audible. “Yeah, Fox, we won! The Mind Flayer is dead! We won the Campaign! Fox, you’re the best Party Leader ever!” I could hear the kids screaming in genuine joy, making me laugh, but it felt more like coughing more blood. “Are you all okay? Hurt, anyone? Billy?” I questioned, feeling my legs give out. “We’re all fine, thanks to you. You saved us, Kitten. You saved us.” Billy’s soft and gentle voice echoed from behind me, which made me sob of happiness and collapse to the ground, finally feeling all the pain surge through my veins as adrenaline vanished and relief took over me. “I’m…So happy…So, so happy…That you’re finally okay…” I cried out, burying my face into his chest, as he caught me and lowered me to the ground, holding me tightly, just before I hit the ground. “We’re finally together, baby. We’ll move back to Cali together and there’s no more Hawkins or monsters or anything. And Imma take you on that mountains trip very soon, I promised. So baby, smile at me. It’s the only thing that kept me alive all this time.” he kissed my forehead gently, make me giggle painfully, finally feeling safe. “I missed you so much, Billy. Every day, every second, every time I’d blink or breathe, my heart ached so much for you…I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to save you…But now you’re here, with me, and it’s all that matters. I can die happy now…I can be happy for once…” I cried softly, not knowing if it was water or blood anymore and nor did I care. “No, baby, no, you’re not dying on me, I’m not letting you die. The ambulance is on the way, you’ll be okay, I swear to you. I promise, so please, hang on, listen to my voice and don’t fall asleep.” his voice became shaky and I could feel his tears falling on my face, mixing with mine. “Please, don’t forget me, baby. Be happy, live your dreams, enjoy life…But don’t forget me. I’m scared of being alone.” my bottom lip quivered, barely able to speak. “What are you even saying, you’re not dying! I’m not letting go of you no matter what! Kat, stay with me!” Billy called out desperately, trying to make sure I stay awake. “I just…I wish I could see you one last time…Stupid powers…Blinding me like this…How stupid…And I just wanted to see your beautiful face once again…” I sighed, biting my lip in resignation. “You will see me again, baby, I promise. This isn’t the end, I promise you. I swear on my life.” he kept reassuring me over and over again, until he stopped dead in his tracks. “Time, it needs time to win back your love again…I will be there, I will be there” I began, straining my voice to sing the lyrics that brought us so many emotions throughout the year. “No, no, no, don’t you dare sing that song…” he took in a sharp breath, desperate for my life. “Love, only love can bring back your love someday…I will be there, I will be there” I kept panting for air as I put my hands on his face, smiling at him softly. “Don’t do this to me, Kitten, please, I beg of you, don’t do this to me.” he kept shaking his head, tears falling down his face like a river. “Fight, babe, I’ll fight to win back your love again…I will be there, I will be there” I gently wiped away his tears. “You already fought a whole war just to save me…So please…Don’t leave me now…” he kept sobbing, holding me close to his chest. “Love, only love can bring down the wall someday…I will be there, I will be there” I raked my fingers through his messy hair, trying to make him look at me. “You are the only one who saw me for who I was…Kat…Kitten…Honey, please…Don’t break my heart, please…” he sobbed in my chest, gripping my clothes as tight as he could, afraid to let go, as if I was going to disappear. “If we go again all the way from the start…I would try to change the things that killed our love” I sang in a softer voice, both out of energy, and only for him to hear. “You already killed all the monsters, that’s enough! Kat, keep your energy, stop singing! Stop this, you’re hurting me!” he cried out, letting go a bit, to look at my smiling face. “Is there really no chance to start once again…?” I managed to breathe out, clinging on his neck with dear life.

“I’m loving you” 

we both confessed in the most broken yet full of emotion voice that we manage to produce, before outright crying like two kids who scrapped their knees.

And that’s when everything began to spin around in my mind, and seeing nothing apparently made it worse than anything. Anxiety shot through me and I could fear the grip on conscience, on hearing, on my senses lose it’s strength, and I felt myself falling into a limbo…

Falling and Falling and Falling, with no way to reach the ground.

Just an endless abyss of darkness and fright and no way to get out of here, just like being shackled inside a cage.

My mind went blank.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 8

@klassickb

[thisislizheather]

February Feats 2020

I write this from underneath two blankets, perched atop three pillows. This is day three of being sick (Nathan just joined me in illness yesterday) and I think I’m getting better but that could just be blind hope. In any case, I still have to tell you what went on last month. Forgive the tone of this post, it might be… affected.

I heard that Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker are going to be in the Paul Simon play Plaza Suite together and so I casually thought “Ooo, might be nice to catch” so I looked it up and tickets START at $700. So I guess fuck me then. I swear to god, this fucking city.

The best cover so far this year:

Above Photo: Brian Stauffer, The New Yorker

I rewatched a movie I love: The Door In The Floor and it really holds up well. Kim Basinger and Jeff Bridges and both too good at what they do. Love this movie so much.

I rewatched The Evil Dead and look I understand it’s probably a “good horror movie” especially for its time and budget, but I fucking hated it, maybe even more so than the last time that I saw it. Never again. Why do I keep rewatching things that I hate? I don’t have to like everything. I must repeat this to myself daily.

I had lunch at Daily Provisions and their lemon cruller was really good and light and the chicken club sandwich was good, too. Always a solid morning/afternoon place.

Favourite tweets of the month.

I tried Trader Joe’s Whole Wheat Couscous and maaaaan, it was so good. So I guess all couscous is good? Gotta get my hands on that pearly couscous. That seems like the money cousocus.

I made this Greek Couscous Salad for lunches for a week and didn’t get sick of it at all, I gotta remember to keep this in the rotation. I also kept the salad and the couscous separate until I wanted to eat, and then I’d join them together.

I can’t believe I hadn’t seen this sketch before (calling someone a “goofy bitch” just about killed me), also ignore how bad an actress Cardi B is.

I finished watching The Good Place and yes it was a good show. I don’t think l liked it as much as pretty much everyone else in my life who loved it, but it was definitely a good show. This scene was the best part of the finale, for sure. That song used in the scene will always elicit tears, I remember falling in love with it when it was used in the movie that everyone hated but me, Swept Away.

Again, I visited Everlane and it still disappoints. Why do I keep thinking it’ll be different each time? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I saw Parasite and it was wonderful and everyone who hasn’t seen it should see it. I haven’t heard from one person who didn’t like it. Universally liked!

I listened to the new Strokes single and hated it, so that’s something. Growth?

I haven’t seen the whole episode yet, but I really liked RuPaul’s SNL monologue.

Why isn’t everyone putting pickles on grilled cheese? Makes no sense. Fucking taste explosion.

I finally tried the (off-menu, must be requested when it’s not brunch) Cacio E Pepe at L’Artusi and holy christ, it might be better than their mushroom ragu. I KNOW. Such wild developments! (They also started serving at lunch, but only lunch delivery, not dine-in. SO this means nothing to me.)

I think I will officially stop buying candles from Bath & Body Works. The ones at Marshalls are cheaper, last longer and the variety of scents is endless. I have a candle from Marshalls right now simply called STORM and it really does kinda smell like stormy weather. Obviously I’m waiting for a thunderstorm to light that mother. I have mental issues?

I watched the newest season of Shrill (no big spoilers ahead) and loved it, obviously. The disappointing-ness of parents is so nicely shown (that moment at the restaurant when she asks her dad what he thinks of her boyfriend and he’s so indifferent, ugh so perfect), I absolutely LOVED the wedding episode (infact all of the episodes following that one are the best ones, I think I just love the episodes not centered about this not-great relationship with her and her boyfriend), the WEHAM episode is perfect (finally someone making fun of makeup for for legs), and I continue to love the character Fran. Really hoping for a third season, especially based on the season finale.

Don’t ask me why, but I watched most of the Police Academy movies and I think the Miami one might be the best one?? I couldn’t make it twenty minutes into the Moscow one, so I feel like you might want to trust me when I say that I know what I’m talking about.

These are my new favourite leggings of all time, they feel like you’re wearing nothing at all.

Cannot get over the beauty of these women and these outfits.

Above Photo: Camila Mendes

Above Photo: Nyma Tang

I watched the Michelle Carter documentary and I don’t know how other people feel, but it’s absolutely unreal that she was found guilty. Of course Nathan disagrees.

I ate at Frank for the first time in over a decade with the one and only Irene and it’s still great. Love that they do the opposite of al dente pasta here. Photos below.

Above Photo: Tagliatelle special, at Frank

Above Photo: Roasted garlic bread, at Frank

Above Photo: Mushroom pappardelle special, at Frank

I can’t find a link for them online, but I bought some reusable Leak Proof Snack Bags by Kitchen Details at Nordstrom Rack and they’re perfect since we typically use a million of those disposable ones for holding sunflower seeds and almonds

I threw out a lot of clothing/shoes/bags, so I went out and bought some things that I absolutely love. I now have a faux fur, brown evening coat that I’ve long dreamed of owning, a new everyday purse, a vintage, gold, mesh evening purse, new everyday shoes, more sunglasses and some new wedges that may or may not replace the older wedges I’ve had since 2006 (the ones lovingly referred to as my Terminators because of the massive fall that I took in them upon exiting the movie Terminator Salvation). I could show you all of the new pieces, but I’d much rather slide into a room you’re in to show you my new fur coat. However if it annoys you not to see any of these new things that bring my joy, here are two of them.

Above Photo: Classic Reeboks from DSW

Above Photo: I also got them in blue

I’ve actually started using tiny drops of facial oil mixed with my nighttime face lotion and even though I’ve only just started to do this, my face is already way less dry when waking up. I don’t know if I can do this in the hotter weather, but for now I’ll keep it up.

I know all of these are old songs, but I recently heard and fell in love with this Taylor Swift song. And this one. And this one. Oh and this one too.

I went to Giorgio’s of Gramercy again (the last time was a few years ago with Nathan) and it’s still great! I haven’t had a steak in awhile, but the one here? Holy hell. Magnificent.

I went to see the new Kubrick 2001 exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image and it was pretty neat. They have one of his Oscars on display in a case, which was actually really cool to see.

I read and reviewed a biography of Johnny Carson that truly sucked.

So Nathan and I are in the middle of watching McMillion$ and can I just say: boooooooooooooooo. I’ve never seen a “documentary” more over-produced, self-indulgent, superfluous and WILDLY overdone. It’s a bloody six part series that could’ve EASILY been an hour and a half movie. If you ever need proof of a documentary having too much money spend, my god have you found it. Of COURSE Mark Wahlberg has something to do with it, this man needs to fucking STOP. I know they are countless other men attached to the project too, but it’s much easier to shit on just him. God, what a waste of time. The Wikipedia page is more succinct.

I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 2: P.S. I Still Love You and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. Loved the Adventures in Babysitting reference right off the top (I’ll forever love that movie and it doesn’t get talked about enough), I loved pretty much every musical choice (these are my top three songs from the movie), and I loved the idea of doing another Thanksgiving in March (although I’m pretty sure Chrissy Teigen did this a few years ago and planted that great seed in my head). Definitely the best thing on Netflix at the moment.

Seeing this restored footage of NYC in 1911 is both exciting and eerie as hell, for some reason.

Nathan and I went to the Raptors game that ended their winning streak, sorry about that.

I’ve been consumed with reading so much stuff about what’s going on right now and this was a little helpful: 4 Practical Ways to Prepare Your Home for a Pandemic. Don’t judge me for sharing this link! I’m delirious.

Things that I’m looking forward to this month: visiting Collingwood and going skiing with my family, I might splurge and get that mini birthday cake from Momofuku Milk Bar, and the new season of On My Block comes out on the 11th. I’m pretty into the idea of turning 35, usually I’m more jacked about my birthday month but I think I’m too down to care at the moment. Caring coming soon.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in January over here.

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 16)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 3 September 2016 Requested: i mean i guess?????? not officially.  Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 4.4K jesus  Warnings: fluffy fluffy fluffy calum goodness (oh, and there is a mention of sexual assault near the beginning)  A/N: I really hope you guys are proud of me this month/months. This is the 3rd chapter I’ve updated in the span of like 2 weeks. I haven’t been this fast since I first started posting. I’m proud of me, and I appreciate everybody who has had a hand in helping my inspiration and motivation and to anyone who just reads because the love it. Big love xo 

Check out my ‘Brushwork’ inspiration tag x Let me know if you want to be messaged when the next update of ‘Brushwork’ is available x 

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 16: I Settled For Saying That Instead Because It Was Less Dramatic And Less Of A Giveaway That I Would Jump Off Of A Cliff If He Told Me It Would Make Him Happy.

Isabelle hadn’t slept over since earlier in my second year at VCA. It was different now than it was back then – Polly used to be a part of it, and together the three of us would be up ‘til all hours of the morning talking shit and drinking wine and doing each other’s hair. It was real slumber party happenings in our student apartment, but now it was… quiet.

“Is Polly even here?” B wondered out loud around 11pm. We were curled up in my bed binge watching Game of Thrones since we were both ridiculously behind (I’m talking entire seasons, here). She had a Costco sized packet of peanut M&M’s and I had the Ben & Jerry’s. Every now and then we’d swap over, but she had a tendency to hog the chocolate so we were long overdue. That’s why Polly had come up in conversation – she was good at mediating the snacks.

“I don’t actually know.” I admitted. “Probably at work.” It was dark but I felt like I could see Isabelle raise her eyebrow at the idea of Polly having a job.

“At the pub?” She questioned. Polly used to work at the local pub last year, and it didn’t occur to me that Isabelle wouldn’t have known that she quit that job a few months ago.

“No, no.” I said, trying to recall the story. “Well, yeah, but a different one. She left the other pub a few months ago. Her boss was sexually harassing her.”

“Whoa, her boss?”

“Yeah.”

“The middle-aged white lady?”

“Yep.”

“Blonde hair, always blown-out, really bad regrowth and ridiculous fake lashes?”

“The one and the same.”

“Huh.” She paused. “I didn’t think… well, she didn’t seem… the type?” I wanted to laugh at Belle’s shock, but I was much the same when Pol first mentioned it.

“Neither.” I snorted darkly. “Turns out white women become sexual predators a lot more often than we thought.”

“I’ll say.” Belle huffed, but it seemed off again. Not so much like she didn’t care that Polly had experienced harassment, but the same thing as earlier – just the mention of Polly seemed to bug her. I wanted to ask about it, but I got the feeling she was just going to tell me to buzz off.

“Are you okay?” I settled for asking quietly, almost afraid that I’d left it too long to ask and she’d fallen asleep (despite the graphic death scenes flashing before our eyes). But her breathing was still even and I felt her shrug against my shoulder.

“I’m okay.” She mumbled and then picked up the PlayStation remote to turn up the volume. I sat there with anxiety for a couple more hours as I finished the ice-cram and, eventually, drifted off into a restless sleep.

We both woke up the next morning to my phone blaring obnoxiously loud. It was too early for my alarm to be going off, which meant somebody thought it was a brilliant idea to call me at (I fished out the contraption from somewhere between the sheets) 6 in the morning. My eyes weren’t open enough to see who it was, so I just answered the damn thing before Belle started swearing at me.

“Please tell me you have a good reason for calling me right this second.” I grumbled out, teetering on the edge of sleep despite my predicament, and internally hoping it wasn’t my mother or someone who would take an equal amount of offence to me answering the phone like that.

“I’m sorry!” I could almost see his sheepish grin now. “I know it’s early. But Diaz is sick, he sent the email last night.”

“So… no class?” I asked, my voice almost cheerful. Calum waking me up at 6 o’clock in the morning was almost worth hearing the news.

“No class.” I could hear the smile in the Māori boy’s voice. “Breakfast instead? I was thinking we could finally work on the mural together today. We might even finish if we haul ass.” I chuckled weakly and yawned before I had a chance to say anything. Part of me wanted to say no and curl over and go back to bed. But the other part of me – the smarter part – was too giddy to think of anything to say that wasn’t ‘fuck yeah’. I didn’t say that, but I did yawn one more time.

“Uh, yeah alright.” I sat up and used my free hand to rub my eye (and smear my already smeared eyeliner from yesterday).

“Sweet.” Calum was smiling again, I knew it. “I’ll meet you at the door in half an hour?” I yawned again and Calum laughed. “Hopefully you’ll be awake properly by then.”

“Whatever.” I said but I laughed weakly too. “I’ll see you soon.” I didn’t really wait for Calum to reply before I hung up, but he probably didn’t mind. Much.

“Who the fuck was that?” Isabelle grumbled out in her raspy morning voice that, admittedly, was a lot sexier than mine.

“Calum.” I told her. “We’re going to go work on the mural.”

“At this hour of the morning?!” I felt like if we were awake properly and it wasn’t so damn early in the morning, my sister would be yelling at me.

“Yeah, class got cancelled.” I explained, looking around the room to find where I’d abandoned my jeans. I couldn’t find the ones from yesterday, weirdly enough, so I found a different pair of light-wash skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees and paired it with an old, over-sized grey Draco Malfoy tee that already had paint all over it from previous projects.

“Do you want to come?” I asked when I realised Belle would be here on her own to face the wrath of Polly (I assumed Polly had wrath, anyway). But she didn’t reply with words, so much as a muffled snore. I turned to look over my shoulder and, naturally, the girl had passed out again.

I snuck out as quietly as I could, grabbing my bag with my sketch book and colour swatches, my wallet, phone and keys in my hands before I slipped into a pair of worn-in black flats and tip-toed out of my bedroom, trying as hard as I could to make as little sounds as possible (which, obviously, was impossible considering it’s me we’re talking about. I dropped about a million things and actually swore kind of loudly when I hit my hip on the corner of my dresser).

There was a part of me was waiting for Polly to be sitting in a swivelling chair out in the living room, turning on the lights dramatically as she swung around in her reveal and demanded to know where I was going. Because that was definitely something she would do – knowing her, she’d even borrow somebody’s cat and go full Godfather on my ass. But, again, that smarter part of me knew that was ridiculous, and that I didn’t really owe her this one either. Polly had a flair for the dramatic, and being so invested in my life wasn’t a right.

I finally made it out of the front door, and as promised, Calum was waiting on the other side, beaming at me like he’d been awake for hours. He was in similar get-up to mine – dark skinny jeans, spotted with paint and ripped a few times at the knees and thighs, and a red flannel, that looked kind of too big for his limbs, thrown over a similarly paint-sotted black tank. It annoyed me a little bit, too, because he looked so damn good, even in flip-flops, and I looked like a toddler from day-care.  

“I hope you know breakfast is on you.” I took for telling him over my shoulder while I locked up, trying to mask my frustration as being because of the hour of the morning and not because of my growing butterflies. “You don’t get to wake me up this early and not feed me.” Calum laughed and when I turned around to greet him properly, it was almost as if he was smirking at me, but like… fondly. I didn’t even know that was possible and yet here he was, making it a thing.

“Yeah, alright, that’s fair.” He chuckled at me with a nod before pulling me in for a ‘good morning’ hug which, you know, wasn’t overly unusual. What was out of the ordinary was that he pressed his lips to my temple and held me just longer than he normally would have, and that kind of sent me into a bit of a puddle. My knees were shaking so much I was pretty sure he could feel the trembling, too. “Cold?” He asked, and that’s when I knew for sure that he could. I just nodded with pursed lips, too scared to open my mouth in case I vomited on his feet. Not at them. On them.

“One sec.” He let me go and I desperately started to wipe my hands on my jeans on the off chance he miraculously wanted to hold hands at some point. I mean, if he was smart he wouldn’t. But everyone was under the impression we were “something” and I was under the impression that if two people like us were “something” then usually the “something’s” would hold hands at some point. I really kind of hoped that wouldn’t be today.

Anyway, Calum had disappeared for a short moment back into his apartment, and just as I was about to ask what the hell he was doing, he remerged with a black Dickies hoodie in hand.

“Here.” He said, offering me the sweatshirt with a fairly neutral expression. I just stared at it for a moment, bewildered at his complete underestimation of how much I would overthink everything he did for me from the moment he decided he liked me.

“I could have done that myself, you know.” I took to saying when he nudged the soft fabric at my goose-bump-covered arm. Calum just shrugged, totally unfussed.

“Eh, you’d already locked up.” Was his justification and then he grinned the lazy grin I kind of loved and I rolled my eyes at it to stop myself from melting any further.

“Well, thanks.” I laughed, handing him my bag while I pulled the hoodie over my head. It was kind of big, and I had to roll the sleeves back a little so my hands would be free, but it was warm and it smelled like Calum and I actually kind of forgot to be nervous the moment I pulled my hair out from inside and took my bag back from Calum who was watching me carefully. “How do I look?” I gave him a cheeky pose.

“I didn’t realise how much smaller than me you were.” He noted. “But it looks good.” I blushed again, but before I could say ‘thanks’ again he cut me off with a very serious look. “I want it back, by the way.” I bunched the collar up over my nose and mouth, shaking my head wildly.

“Nuh-uh. I like it.” I said, muffled but the soft fleece on the inside. “I want it.”

“I’ll buy you your own.” Calum said pointedly as we made our way out of the building. “But that one is the only one I have left that isn’t so scratchy.” I gave a loud laugh.

“Wow.” I deadpanned. “The only reason you won’t let me keep it is because it’s the least shitty one you own. No sentimental value at all?” I stared at him wide-eyed and teasingly. Calum rolled his eyes and I think he was even pouting a little bit.

“No, there is…” He mumbled, refusing to look at me. I bit my lip, holding in the laugh. “My mum bought it for me before I moved to Melbourne.”

I was still laughing about Calum being a Mama’s Boy when we reached the only on-campus place that served breakfast food – and to our displeasure, that was Bitters. We weren’t too keen on shitty tasting coffee and stale toast, but we were lazy and didn’t exactly want to walk any further than we needed to either. We chose the lesser of the evils – sometimes ass-tasting coffee wasn’t the biggest problem in the world.

The whole time we talked and joked (and Calum teased me about my various scars and bruises from our last early morning), I couldn’t get over how normal this was starting to feel. Early mornings with Calum, breakfast with Calum, conversations that were leading nowhere with no meaning whatsoever, while simultaneously seeming to bleed some kind of hidden wisdom that we would come to realise a little bit later. The butterflies never went away, but instead of making me feel sick it was almost like it was a comfortable encouragement that maybe, just maybe, nothing was going to immediately go wrong this time.

I was scaring myself a little bit, actually, how weirdly okay with this I was. I still trembled a little bit whenever Calum’s ankles brushed mine under the table, and my blood still settled deep in my cheeks whenever he complimented me or hinted slightly that he had feelings for me more than ‘yeah she’s pretty alright, let’s test a theory’. But it was becoming easier to ignore them – or, at least, rationalise with myself that maybe there was a chance that the world wouldn’t end if I felt a little bit safe with Calum. This was a big step for me. The last time I felt involuntarily safe around this guy I freaked out and threw myself into a spiral of depression, just about killing myself in my own stench when I refused to shower. Right now, I was seriously impressed that I hadn’t tried to smother myself in my bed covers. Or hang myself with my own hair.

“Hey, did you ever end up figuring out what tattoo you want yet?” Calum suddenly asked, excited, and snapping me out of my deep train of thought with a fright. I flinched. I knew that eventually we would end up talking about this again, and I was ridiculously underprepared for it.

“Uh, no…” I gave a tight-lipped grimace and Calum’s face fell, disappointed.

“What? Why?” He asked, and if I didn’t know him better I would have thought maybe he was actually kind of offended. I shrugged, my face contorted into some kind of frown crossed with a pout.

“I just…?!” I gave a defeated laugh, burying my face in my hands as I leant my elbows on the table in front of me.  Calum laughed, his hands grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands away so he could look at my face with raised eyebrows.

“Just what?” He asked me.

I sighed. “Alright, honestly? Most of it is that I just forgot.” I admitted and Calum raised a thick brow at me.

“Uh... what?” He was struggling for words, I could see it. “How do you forget to design a tattoo?” I shrugged again through a kind of uncomfortable laugh. Calum’s hands were still kind of wrapped around mine, our fingers some kind of intertwined together on top of the table. ‘This is how!’ I felt like screaming. ‘You are the reason I forget my own fucking name half the time!’

“I don’t know.” I settled for saying that instead because it was less dramatic and less of a giveaway that I would jump off of a cliff if he told me it would make him happy. “Things have been kind of… busy, I guess. Kind of.”

“Have they?” Calum questioned me, not so much challenging the statement but more so as if he genuinely hadn’t realised that – surprise! – student life can get kind of full on sometimes.

“I mean… well, yeah.”  I said, leaning back against my chair, leaving my hands beneath Calum’s. I tried to convince myself that it was for warmth, but I was already wearing his hoodie so that didn’t really work out very well. “The mural has been kinda kicking our asses, and the same with my other classes... Plus there’s this whole thing with Polly, and my sister, and my mother and Ashton and work – it’s just…” I trailed off my sentence because it was becoming impossible to finish it without giving myself an anxiety attack. My heart rate was already starting to spike (although, that could have been the caffeine).

“Jesus.” Calum mumbled under his breath, and I nodded my head in agreement while I mumbled a quiet ‘yeah’. “Hold up, your sister? What about your sister?”

“She’s here.” I said simply, thinking back to yesterday morning when she arrived and how weird it was that she’d come unannounced.

“Here, as in, ‘on campus’ here?” Calum asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, she was still sleeping when I left.” I said with a small smile that lasted only a second or two. “I think she’s been having a hard time. I didn’t know she was coming and she seemed kind of off yesterday.”

“Oh.” Calum paused, and I could see the gears grinding in his head from across the table. “If… I mean, you should have said.” He said with a small frown of worry. “If I’d known B was here I would have let you spend some time with her.” I shook my head, waving Calum off immediately. I mean, it was sweet that he was worried about her and about me not spending time with her – but, honestly, this was probably going to be more interesting than anything my sister and I would have come up with to do today.

“Nah, don’t stress.” I told him carefully. “I took her out to lunch yesterday and we had a good talk. And she slept over last night, so I think she’s okay now.”

“If you’re sure.” He said carefully, and then between the two of us we decided that if we had any more coffee we were going to shit our pants.

We gathered our things and, as promised (read: threatened), Calum paid for our meals. I said thank you, even though I’d made him do it, and Calum rolled his eyes at me and continued to dish it back until we’d reached the storage studio where all our paints were, and again until we’d reached the mural.

And we kept talking shit for an hour or so, each of us on one end of the mural and working on the detailing. Eventually we just stopped talking, both of us lost in our own little world of paint and tutus and faceless ballerinas.

“Can I ask you something?” Calum asked me, seemingly out of nowhere, around 10am. He was still sitting up on a step ladder, working on the final ballerina while I was sitting down on the ground and doing detailing on the background in the first section of the wall.

“Is that the question?” I replied with a small chuckle, mostly to myself because I was really on a roll today and it was putting me in a good mood. The quiet was nice, and being quiet with Calum was a lot more comforting than I thought it would be. Turns out, Calum was the kind of guy that didn’t make the silence awkward. He seemed just as content with it as I was – except for now, where I could sense that something was on his mind.

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned. “I’m serious.” I looked over at him and his expression toward me was pointed. I just nodded back, curious, but also moderately terrified. Calum stared down at me, not concerned or worried, not even angry or upset. He looked more confused than anything. Like he was trying to figure me out or something.

“Why don’t you want to be the ballerina?”

I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t expecting him to ask, but I wasn’t, and the longer he stared at me waiting for my reply, the more uncomfortable I was starting to get. I shifted under the weight of his stare, looking away and turning back to my piece of wall that was meant to look like a shadow (though it was starting to look more like a brown blob than anything).

“I, uh…” I cleared my throat, suddenly unsure of what to say. And I stayed quiet for some time, trying to find the right truth.

“Dallas?” He prompted. I gave a small sigh, and offered a small, tight lipped smile. Not necessarily to Calum, but just into the space between us.

“I, um. I just… don’t think I am up to that kind of standard.” I settled for saying, and when I said the words out loud I knew they were true. I could see Calum not understanding, the look in his eyes almost more confused than they were before, and I bit my lip, trying to find a way to make him understand. “Ballerinas are… perfection.” I explained. “And I’m…” I gave a nearly wild shrug, kind of gesturing to all of myself in the hopes that he’d get it – that I was just me, and that no matter how many time I re-gathered the pieces of me that fell apart, I was never going to find the same peace in my mistakes. I wasn’t upset about it, I’d learnt to accept who I was a long time ago. I just didn’t understand why Calum was so intent on thinking I was any different.

“You’re pretty great, Dal.” He said softly, and I nearly didn’t hear him because he was so high up. My head snapped up to where I could see him, and when I looked he was smiling softly at me, the way he did when I knew he’d been watching me for longer than I’d been looking at him. I just rolled my eyes at him and turned away again, wishing that I hadn’t tied my hair up into its bun so it would be easier to hide my blush.

“Right.” I huffed. I didn’t believe him, but I couldn’t help smiling as if I did. The familiar warmness, the butterflies… it was almost exciting, if I thought about it from the right angle.

It wasn’t long until Calum spoke again.

“Are you nervous for showcase?” He asked, less serious now and the air between us a little lighter. I shrugged.

“I’m always nervous.” I said pointedly and the boy didn’t even laugh which offended me slightly (but only slightly – it was a fair point, he didn’t need to be a genius to see I was completely terrified by life). “But yeah, I guess so. I mean, I only have the mural reveal that night. But still.” I gave another shrug, content with my answer and Calum seemed to accept it too. When I looked back up at him he seemed lost in his art again, one brush in his mouth, his pallet in his left hand as he concentrated deeply on the beading of the final tutu.

“Are you?” I asked, relaxing for a bit, letting my posture slouch as I looked up to Calum’s great height.

“Hmm?” He murmured.

“Nervous.” I clarified. “About showcase.” He didn’t reply for what felt like forever. I couldn’t tell if he was just distracted by the art or if he was thinking, the way I did. I’d turned back to my pallet and started painting again by the time Calum replied.

“I don’t think so.” He said conclusively, and I’d almost forgotten what I’d asked already. “We… well, look at this. We’ve done some amazing work.” I hummed in agreement. Showcase was in just over a week, and even though we were still so behind, what we had was pretty damn cool. “My folio is being displayed in the library, too.”

“Really?” I was surprised at how exciting that sounded to me. Calum nodded and he seemed to beam down on me like the walking embodiment of the sun that he was.

“I can’t wait for you to see it.” He said, and I was just so blown away by his confidence. I’d never seen someone so… in their element. It was… hell, it was kind of inspirational if I was honest.

“So you’re not nervous?” I asked again with a crooked smile. “At all?” He shook his head with a small chuckle.

“Nah.” He waved me off. “I’ve got bigger things to be nervous about.” His smile turned into a tiny smirk, and from where I was sitting it looked like he shot me a wink. I snorted unattractively, biting my lip so I didn’t laugh in his face (figuratively, of course. There was still six feet and a step ladder between us, you see).

“Are… Are you talking about our date?!” I asked, completely bewildered, at this point, at the look of seemingly genuine anxiety inside the boy’s chocolate eyes.

“It is still happening, right?” He asked fearfully and I couldn’t help the eyebrow quirk.

“Uh, yeah.” I managed to chuckle out before his worries started to catch on, and my ability to jump to the worst conclusions got the better of me. “Why, do you not want it to?” I asked, all traces of amusement slipping from my face, and a whole new level of panic rising in Calum’s.

“No!” He said almost too quickly, and he immediately realised what that sounded like and tried to correct it before I had a stroke and died the night before our first official date. “Shit, n-no… Argh, yes! I mean yes!” He closed his eyes for a second and took a breath, letting it out in a small laugh of his own that wasn’t really making me feel better, but he was trying, and that was the main thing.

“I do still want it to happen.” He explained through that small crooked, awkwardly adorable smile. “I’m just… well, I’m kinda nervous.” I shook my head, looking away and trying to hide my blush yet again.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Cal.” I said quietly. I shrugged again before I looked back up at him – but only for a moment. “It’s just me.”

“It’s more than just you, Dallas.” He drawled out, and when I looked up with a cocked eyebrow, Calum was wearing that same pointed look from before. “Anyway, I’m excited too. I like spending time with you.”

The grin I gave back was slow and crooked and filled with warmth and I couldn’t stop it even though I was trying my hardest.

“Me too.” I said simply. My heart was racing again, and it had nothing to do with the caffeine.

[this-ginger-has-no-soul]

Ocean soldier (Part 2 out of?)

(A/N): I seriously love mermaid Bucky *sobs* 

Summary: (Y/N) happens to come across a rather friendly mermaid

Warnings: none for the time being?

Read the first part: X

(Tags at the end)

   (This gif has me feeling so many things??) 

   You had been reluctant to go home that day, you had thoroughly enjoyed your visit with Bucky. The two of you talked...well you had done most of the talking while he sat there in the water and looked at you, occasionally grabbing the pad and pencil to write something to you. You had even managed to get him to crack a smile, not one of the small ones from earlier but a full on wide, toothy grin. It had been adorable...at first, that was until you got a glance at his sharp, jagged teeth. They almost reminded you of shark’s teeth only scarier given they were on a human being and not a marine animal. Something about this guy was seriously off, you knew that much, between the webbing and teeth and the constant need to stay in the water you had figured he was...strange to say the least. These should have scared you away, you should have run as soon as he appeared the second time but you didn’t, instead you sat down on the docks and talked to him until he had to abruptly scurry off at the first sign of people. These were all red flags, you should have talked to someone or reported this man to the police and yet again you didn’t and now here you were, the following day sitting on the dock awaiting for your friend to appear. 

   You doodle a bit, no longer focused on the sunrise as much as your water loving friend who had yet to make an appearance this morning. You gently sketched a face, one with a chiseled jaw and high cheekbones, you doodle some hair, long and matted with water but still gorgeous but what you truly focused on was the eyes. They had to be perfect, they had to capture the essence of curiosity and innocence but they also had to have a deeper, darker tone to them, one that implied this man- whomever he was- had a secret, or a darker side. 

   A soft coo is what pulls you away from your drawing but you don’t even have to look up to know it was. You set your drawing pad aside as you smile at Bucky who smiled right back, showcasing those jagged, knife like teeth. 

   “Hey Bucky,” You murmur quietly, as though scared to break the soothing sounds of the early morning sea. Bucky hums softly as he assumes his regular position, his head tucked upon his folded arms as he looks up at you. Your eyes rake over his form, stopping at his neck as you survey the slices of flesh, moving in time with each breath he took. They sure as hell looked like gills...but that- that wasn’t possible, human beings couldn’t have gills...could they?  Bucky hums again as he looks at you, his brows furrowed in confusion. Guess he’d caught your rather curious gaze “Sorry, um uh- I was just staring at your-” You gesture to his neck, sighing rather loudly. “Okay Bucky, what the hell are those things?” Bucky reaches up with a webbed hand to touch the skin, running his fingers along the ripped flesh before setting his hand back against the dock, looking rather sheepish. “Oh god Bucky-” You sigh, knowing you’ve offended him again with your ignorance. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just-” You gesture to your own neck, revealing the not ripped flesh. “Mine’s different again, see?” Bucky looks back up, his blue eyes traveling over the expanse of your neck. “Do you...do you wanna touch it?” Bucky nods as he leans up a bit, pulling himself up just enough to expose his bare chest. Your eyes rake over his skin, taking in ever piece of smooth, water covered flesh. God- this man...or whatever he is- was beautiful. 

   Bucky makes a little impatient sound in the back of his throat, making grabby hands at you when he realized he couldn’t quite reach your neck. You smile as you lean down a bit, allowing his cool hands to graze your skin. The feeling was...different than expected; his fingers were cool to the touch and most definitely wet but they felt good against your skin. You hum softly as Bucky touches your neck, feeling the difference between your neck and his own. 

   “See? Different right?” Bucky purses his lips and nods, staring down at his own body in what appeared to be shame. Whatever was below the water he obviously didn’t want you to see, the most he had exposed to you was his upper body and even that was strange, you could only imagine what it looked like down below. “Bucky?” You whisper, biting your lip as you contemplate whether the question was worth asking. The man hums as he finally retracts his hand, apparently satisfied with his little inspection. “Can I ask you something kinda of...personal?” Bucky looks at you with squinted eyes, the distrust on his face obvious but nonetheless he nods. “Um, are you- are you human?” Bucky looks up at you with an almost frightened expression, his eyes wide and lips parted. But before you can even begin to repair the damage he disappears, ducking down below the surface just as he had done yesterday. “Wait Bucky!” You cry out as you lean forward, searching the waters desperately but there was no sign of him, the only thing that would have hinted that he was here was by the way the dock was covered in rivulets of water, most likely from his dripping hair. 

   You slump back onto the dock, looking at the waters in surprise. How could he have just disappeared like that? And why did he just disappear like that? You bite your lip in thought as you scan the waters, waiting for any sign of your new friend but there seemed to be none. Even after five minutes you saw no sign of your friend, then ten rolled around, then 20, then 40, but by the time the beach had started to sprout a family or two you realized Bucky wasn’t coming back. You sighed softly as you stood from the dock, grabbing your sketch pad and pencil in disappointment. As you waddled away from the dock you looked back, hoping to catch some glance of your friend but there was none, only the boats and sea so with another sigh you keep on waddling, trying not to let your spirits hurt too much. 

   You returned the next day, with your sketch pad and pencil, awaiting for Bucky. You waited for 3 fucking hours. 3 hours of just sitting and waiting for Bucky to show up. The sun rose, the people arrived and yet here you were waiting all alone on the docks. 

   You sigh as you drag your pencil along your paper, creating nonsensical lines and scribbles. It looked as though Bucky wasn't going to show this morning and you couldn't help but feel like it was your fault but you'd remedy this, you'd get Bucky to come back around. 

    For the next two weeks you kept up the same routine, showing up with your sketch pad and pencil, waiting for your strange, water loving friend to show but he never did. The countless hours you spent on those docks waiting for him were painful, they have you time to think about him. Even if you had only known him for 3 days you couldn't help but feel attached to him and now suddenly he had disappeared. And yet here you were, the third week, and still sitting on the dock waiting for him. This time you had brought your guitar and you were gently strumming on it, humming a solemn song yourself. If you were going to wait out here for hours on end for your non existent friend to show up you had better bring something to entertain yourself since drawing wasn't doing it for you anymore. 

   You strummed and plucked multiple songs, slowly but surely making your way through every tune you knew how to play. By the time you were done your fingers were aching and the sounds of the beach had gone strong; It had to be noon by the time you finished and surprise, still no sign if Bucky. God- why would he just leave you like this? Why wouldn't he come back or at least tell you why he had left? Perhaps it was you? Maybe he was tired of you and didn't want to see you anymore? Perhaps your insistent questions had angered him? 

   A million questions swirl around your mind until you can barely think anymore, your head to jumbled with "maybe's" and "what if's". God- you had really fucked this up. For once you actually liked someone and then you went and fucked it up. If only you had kept your mouth shut, if only you hadn't been so annoying, if only you could have been better. Tears burn at your eyes and before you know it you're crying, your tears sliding off and hitting the watery docks. You were so pathetic, you knew a guy for 3 days and then he leaves and you're this heart Broken? You bury your face in your hands, crying into them like some pathetic cry baby, which you were; The negative thoughts don’t mix well with your already strong feelings of frustration and regret. 

        Your crying is only spurred on by your negative thoughts, both your frustration and self hate brewing together to create the 'beautiful' mixture of tears you were experiencing right now. And that's when you hear it, a gentle but soothing coo amongst the sound of ocean waves and the distant beach goers. You don't even want to look up for the fear of the noise only being your imagination but suddenly there's that strange but pleasant hand on your leg, gripping your leg gently. The coo comes again, this time a bit louder and persistent, almost as though Bucky was trying to grab your attention. Even with all your frustration and anger you look up, sniffling a bit as you do. 

    "Bucky..." You sniffle softly, hesitantly meeting the man’s gaze. He coos once again, his bright blue eyes very intently looking at your face. You bite your lip as you look at him, feeling even more pathetic than you did before. You can’t look into those ocean eyes any longer, your shame and embarrassment getting the better of you as you turn your head away from him but before you can there’s a gentle hand on your cheek, wiping away at your tears. You look back at Bucky in surprise, his hand feeling pleasant against your own wet cheek. This the most Bucky had ever touched you, other than when he had touched your neck and hands but this was- this was something else; this was more than those observatory touches, this was something more intimate. You sigh softly, allowing your eyes to flutter close as Bucky’s thumb runs over your cheek, collecting each tear that fell- however they don’t remain closed for long when they’re suddenly shooting back open in surprise. 

   “Please don’t cry...” 

@kaitlynmalikisnotonfire, @alienboi3299, @rejecteddesire, @saradi1018, @jessevans, @floral-and-fine, @notsoprettykitty, @yo-yo-bro-bro, @imamoose, @nobody8990, @softwhispers, @ficbucket, @iamwarrenspeace, @ruby-rose89 (If I have forgotten to tag you please contact me so I can add you!) 

[onisiondrama]

"Sarah Confessed To Raping Onision, Now Paid For It by Discovery Plus" Speaks, May 24, 2021

Summary Part 7 (final, thank god)

James says people believed his fake meltdown videos and he wasn't even acting well. It was satirical acting. He put hints that it wasn't real. People in his own life called him to see if he was ok. He says Blaire White and Jaclyn Glenn thought they were real and celebrated them. He doesn't know what Repzion thought.

A fan talks about a comedy video. He says he doesn't remember it and he made over 3,000 videos.

The fan says he's a big Youtuber. He says he isn't. When it says 1.2 million subscribers, those are tombstones. Nobody watches his shit.

A guest asks why James didn't stop talking about Eugenia after she asking him to stop. He asks if Eugenia has gotten better? He kicks the guest and he says he fucking hates people who aren't adults if they aren't blood related to him. He says the guest looks like a kid. "Fuck off. Disgusting."

He says he established so many times with Sarah to stay away from him. He says people say he was mean to her as manipulation. He asks what do you guys want him to do? He tried to give her safe haven from her mother after she said she was being beaten. He says in every video he made with Sarah he wasn't affectionate. There was no affection there. People say he was mean to create a desire. (Yeah, I totally get that theory. It's like the silent treatment. It makes the person feel shitty and crave the other person's approval. So when they finally get that positive attention, they are more likely to ignore red flags and want to do anything to please the other person.) He asks he called someone Meg Griffin and Drew Carey to make them aroused? That's the logic of the internet.

He shows disgust when people contact him when they are 18. Someone contacted him to collab on Only Fans, but he told them to fuck off because they were 18. They were making $250,000 a month and offered him a cut of the commission. He didn't want to be anywhere near them. He didn't tell her to come back when she was 20. She said she was turning 19 next month. He says that's still not good enough. He wants nothing to do with you people. What does an 18-19 year old have to offer that a 20-21 year old doesn't? What does a 20-22 year old have to offer that a 40 year old doesn't? 40 year olds are hot. Why wouldn't he want to be with a 40 year old? He's super attracted to a number of very mature women. Dumbasses keep throwing themselves at him and they had to blackmail him for him to give them the time of day. (Omfg lmao. As if he wasn't trying so hard for months before the NDA to get Sarah and Kai together so he could get the ok from Kai to fuck Sarah.)

He's put in these awkward positions consistently and he hates them. It's gotten to the point where people tell him they're going to be homeless and he's like "that sucks." He used to give people shelter. You people turned him into a person who he used to think isn't ideal. He used to want to help people and now he tells them to fuck off and stay away. You ruined his trust in people and taught him women especially will take advantage of you and when they can't use you anymore, they'll try to ruin you as much as they can so no one else can go near you. You're scorched Earth. He's sick of human beings.

He used to be a guy who did good things and expected people to recognize them. He bought his mom a house (Edit: Idk if he misspoke or I mistyped, but he didn't buy her a house. He gave her one of the three houses he owned at the time.) and she threatened to sue him because he didn't want his offspring (his word) to stay at her house when she did drugs. (BTW he's mentioned before when talking about this story that she smoked weed and drank beer. That's the drugs he's referring to.) He says this was in the house that he gave her. He told her he wanted to preserve it because he put $50,000 into fixing it. She tore the place apart. She tore up the carpet and re-painted the walls absolute ass. They were a beautiful baby blue and she painted it red and black. (It's her house now??? She can do what she wants?) There was beautiful pet proof padding in the carpet and the carpets were premium. He made it beautiful for his videos and comedy sketches. She was living in a trailer and he said she needed a house so he gave it to her (and he was being audited by the IRS at the time 🤔) He says she ripped the house apart and cut all the beautiful evergreen bushes in the front. She made it look like shit. Then in front of the house she stood there and said if she wanted to she could sue him for not letting the kids stay the night.

No good deed goes unpunished. Nice guys finish last. Don't do favors or be kind. Protect yourself. You should only care about the person you marry and the children you have with them. Fuck everyone else. They all want to hurt you. He then says that's not fair because McFly and Sierra have been awesome to him. They haven't hurt him yet. Sierra used to be anti-o.

His advise is give your heart to your sex doll. Don't trust people. If you're lucky enough to be single, get a sex doll. The person he is with now is incredible, but if they weren't an option it'd be a sex doll.

He says he's had people as recently as yesterday propose polyamory with him. He's no longer poly. If he wasn't with his spouse right now, he wouldn't see himself living. What's the point? He's surrounded by evil people. They want more good things out of you even though you're depleted of good things. (He keeps going on like this. The world sucks, people suck.)

He says he loves his dog Dobbs, but he begs. He gives his dog food every time, but then Dobbs acts like he never gave him food and asks for more. He says at least Dobbs is not a cat.

People get in relationships and do nice things for each other. Then they find something out they don't like and will try to murder each other. If you don't know what he's talking about, take a trip to divorce court and see people try to ruin each other's lives.

He says he broke up with Skye the first time because she was miserable to be around, but she was his only friend. He married her because she was his only option and she was fun to be around sometimes. He says it was a shitty reason. She was good at comedy sketches, but sometimes she would randomly breakdown crying in the middle of filming because she would have a random wave of depression. He said he told her she can't keep quitting and they were trying to be funny in a comedy sketch. Then she'd piece herself together and they'd finish. He says that was like a once a year thing, it wasn't a contestant thing. (Holy shit. The amount of times he's talked about this over the years had me thinking this happened all the time. 😑) You can't fix people with that kind of stuff. When they filed for divorce, she blamed her depression on him. He says he doesn't know if that's a thing, blaming a genetic mental condition on one person. He broke up with her because she was pulling him down so much and made him sad. (🥴 So she could make him depressed, but he can't make her depressed? Also, idk where he got the depression being genetic from. She's claimed it was situational depression and PTSD.) Long story short, when you give to people, you'll find yourself used. (I have no idea how that story came to that conclusion.)

People who really love you and care will want to give back as much as you gave them. Sarah never gave back as much as they gave her. She hated them for shit they never did. All the times he drove her to her job at 6 in the fucking morning, all the times he gave her food and housing, nothing good he did meant shit.

He invested hundreds of thousands collectively in the people he encountered. He paid Shiloh's rent when she was in Canada. She would pick up the money he sent with her boyfriend he didn't know about.

You should feel bad when people give stuff to you all the time if you're not giving back. Like McFly. She's given him thousands of dollars to his Patreon. He's only given his time back with weekly games and he feels bad. She's fucking cool. He doesn't change her for hanging out.

He's the roadkill you drive by on the side of the road you don't care about. He's just atoms, meaningless, doesn't matter.

He thinks the documentary wants him to be put in prison and raped. He asks how is he supposed to move on when they keep making episodes? Where's the crime? He hasn't talked to any investigators and it's been 2 years.

The doc compared him to someone who was abducted at 13. He never did anything like that. They had her say she recognized this in Onision, yet he made anti-rape videos. He's now somehow the guy who makes people starve themselves and cut themselves when he's made videos against those tings for years.

[elohveywrite]

Chapter 1 and 2 of Untitled Story

Chapter One (Teddy)

I stood in front of this council of the Seattle Sanctum, aloof. I couldn’t believe what they were suggesting to me. 

“You want me to find a protégé for the Aurora Sanctum? Me? Why not Beeza or Chidi?” I asked, truly confused. Beeza was the leader of the Sanctum in Seattle and Chidi was the second in command. I was only a member and had been a part of the Seattle Sanctum for two years. 

“You’ve proven to be an excellent asset to the team Theodore. So, we believe you can find a suitable candidate for the Sanctum.” Elizabeth the angel of the assorted council of five spoke first. I knew she was a beauty filled with grace and great assets, but she could be a bit too much sometimes. It was like she was trying to act human, but failing badly, while also being too proud at the same time.

“So, what are the qualifications for this recruit of ours?” I asked the council.

Calak was the first to speak up, he was a mage who survived hundreds of years of wars and plague thanks to his skill and intelligence with magic. “They need to be worthy, strong, and intelligent.”

Rolling my eyes, while running one hand against the stubble on my chin, I questioned, “That’s a little vague don’t you think Calak?” Calak looked down at me, his white hair blowing softly in a wind that wasn’t blowing through the room. It was more of a magical effect he had going on.

“You will know when you find them,” Mau interrupted. She was a demi-god that lived among the humans for thousands of years. “I will gift you this necklace and you must wear it at all times. It will glow a bright white once the worthy person is near you,” Mau finished reaching into her dress pocket to fetch the necklace she spoke of. Once she held it out, I reached for it and saw that it was on a golden chain. The rock or crystal rather was a round oval and clear like glass. Once I touched it in my grasp, the crystal felt perfectly smooth. As I put it on, I saw the crystal begin to glow from within. It wasn’t very bright, but it was enough to lighten my face, chest, and hands in the dim council room.

Ori spoke next, “I’m curious who the council will deem worthy.” As I looked over to him, I saw that Orion the young vampire truly did look inquisitive—even when nearly everything bored him to death usually.

“Whoever it is, has a lot of work ahead of them,” Nimue—the final council member and a witch--said to the group. I nodded my head and looked down at the crystal as it returned to its normal opaqueness.

“You have 72 hours to find them, Theodore,” Elizabeth ordered. “If you cannot find them by then, we will have to seek out more costly measures.” I sighed and brushed a hand through the top of my hair, smoothing it back.

I then left the council room, closing the door swiftly behind me. Making my way out of the building the Sanctum had repurposed for their use in Seattle, which was right smack in the middle of the waterfront near Pike’s Place Market, I headed south. This Sanctum was magically hidden, glamoured from the public eye. Only Sanctum members could see its location, glowing softly in purple light. Once I passed through the ‘portal’ barrier the loud cacophony of the tourist, shoppers and homeless population greeted my ears. I figured going to public places first in Seattle would narrow down my list of suspects so I started right close to home and walked over to the crowded market.

        *****

Chapter Two (Jules)

I stepped back into my SUV, a different one than last nights of course. I got rid of the one I used last night. It was burnt out in the middle of the forest, about two hours’ drive south of Seattle. It was lovely seeing things finally come to a close. And now, I was one hundred thousand dollars richer. Grinning, I placed the cash-filled bag on the floor of the passenger’s seat next to me. Now all I had to do was go visit my ‘banker’. 

Officially, Albert bought one of my paintings that he deemed worthy of one hundred thousand dollars. And by worthy, I mean he looked at three different options and said, “Whichever one you don’t want.”

I cared a bit more than he did, so I decided to give him the watercolor painting I did with a woman with lilac hair, dancing in a field of flowers and grass, with the mountains in the background. I named it “Elise” in my mind. But on paper, it was named, ‘Welcoming Spring’. Locking the doors, I sat back in my seat and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, before turning the car on and heading out of Albert’s driveway. It would be the last time I ever saw him.

An hour later, my money deposited, and papers submitted, I headed to my part-time job which was teaching art to children at an after-school club. 

I know, weird. A hitman teaching art to underprivileged children. What a riot. But sometimes I enjoyed it. They inspired me. Which was something I never thought a child could do.

Opening the door to the center, I waved at Ana the office clerk who smiled at me and waved back. “Glad to see you again Jules.” 

Nodding at her, I replied, “Same.” And then went to the room where my class was held so I could set up the lesson. Today I was going to have the kids do watercolors of animals and let them choose their backgrounds. Nearly done with getting everything ready, a few of the kids started to arrive.

“What’s up, Miss J!” I looked up and grinned at Julian who had a similar name as myself. 

“Not much Julian, is your mom doing better?” If I remembered correctly, she was in the hospital after she had a heart attack last week.

“Yup all better, she’s going to be released next week,” Julian said, his voice booming with happiness. I nodded and grinned as I got the paints set up for each group's table. 

“That’s great Julian.” I know I said it, and it probably sounded like I was happy, but really, I felt mostly nothing. I was happy that I didn’t have to pretend to be sad about her getting worse though. Pretending to be sad was always awkward. 

“Miss J, Alexis is going to be absent today, she broke her arm skateboarding yesterday afternoon,” Mike said as he rushed into to class with two other friends with him. I just nodded my head.

“That’s too bad, we’ll miss him,” I said, trying to put some sincere sympathy in my voice. Though even I admit it came across as bland. “Alright, who is ready to paint some animal silhouettes!” I announced aloud.

My lesson was to have the kids first take a quiz to see which animal they were most like out of the five I picked, and asked them the questions aloud I demonstrated how to sketch each animal’s silhouette. The two hours flew by quickly. The kids had me also join in and take the quiz. I assumed I would get the wolf, but I got the bunny instead which was odd—but they seemed happy about it so I pretended to be as well.

Half an hour later, I arrived back home at my sanctum. Finally, I was alone. It was nice to shed the ‘face’ I put on for others and just be my natural self. Since I lived alone, I was able to leave things as messy as I wanted or as clean as I wanted… and this week, I was going to clean. Everything was nicely labeled and organized, like a cutout of a magazine photoshoot. I placed my keys in their usual spot and went to the kitchen, filling my kettle with water to make tea.

I did feel things. People assumed--when I was younger that as a teenager diagnosed with at first conduct disorder and then later antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy--that I didn’t feel things. I did. I guess I just felt them on a different scale. Rage and anger were easy to come by. But now I took medications to help me, and they were doing great. I was less anxious, less impulsive. I even managed to go to college and graduate. I tried to become an art teacher, but failed, miserably. I couldn’t stand working eight hours a day, pretending to care about everything related to the job.

It was easier to do it in short bursts. 

So, I became an artist who did part-time work at clubs as a bartender, art projects at elderly homes, and after school art clubs. I painted in my free time as well. 

It wasn’t until four years ago that I went into the hitman business though. It all started after meeting an old friend. He used to be my dad’s friend in the military. My dad passed away after an accident my family had when I was a 14. That accident is kind of what caused my state of mind. I use to be a caring individual, I felt too much in fact. But after getting injured, being hospitalized for four months, and having my dad and brother die in the car accident—afterward, I changed. 

It was just me and my mom. My lovely mother. Well… she wasn’t all that lovely. She was a beauty--don’t get me wrong--but she was evil to the core. I don’t think she was exactly like me, but maybe a different version of me. She was abusive. I dreamed of the day I could crush her face in with my bare hands. Expelling all that hate right back at her in one brutal moment. And then I’d laugh and laugh.

Sadly, it wasn’t me that killed her. It was some stranger, a drug addict that attacked her with a knife. I was seventeen when it happened, and my dad’s friend took me in with his family afterward even though I was old enough to be on my own. I thought he was a nice guy until he showed me his true colors—catching him in the middle of a horrendous act. In the middle of disposing of a body in the garage, cutting it up into smaller pieces so he could dissolve them in a lye bath.

I didn’t tell anyone. Nor did I blackmail him. It simply wasn’t my business.

When I was 27, only four years ago, I met him again. And that’s when he said he could teach me. A way to earn money. If I was brave enough to do it. And I needed the money to pay off my mother’s debt to her creditors. 

Among all the damn flaws she had, gambling and doing drugs were the top of the list. I knew she wasted tens of thousands—it’s what my dad often had to cough up to the goons that came around threatening us. 

But really, she landed us in the millions of dollars of debt. Why the fuck would someone let her do that shit is beyond me. I thought he was an idiot. And I still ‘owed’ that idiot another million dollars out of the total three million my mom wasted. 

Vincent had me working for him as soon as I was 18, as a bartender. I also had a stint for about a year, luring rich assholes with my body, drugging them and robbing them. But as I got older, the less likely the men wanted to choose me. So, I bartended, then I used my art degree to help sell counterfeit art and ‘wash’ money at the gallery he owned. But I was getting tired of working for him four years ago and leaped at the chance of making larger amounts of money—even if it meant I had to kill people.

Pouring my tea, I thought back to the first person I killed. I nearly died myself trying to kill them. I planned everything out so well, at least I thought I did. I shook my head, angry at the messiness of that day and poured sugar into my cup. 

I still did bartend for him once a week—he wanted me to show my face each week to make sure I wasn’t going to vanish on him. So, I did it. Today was Thursday though, so I had the evening to myself. I headed to the art area of my studio apartment which was my loft above the kitchen, and I began to paint the real Elise. 

I painted her as though she were alive right now, smiling, happy. Glowing with her beauty. 

Pitiful.