#I got about half way thru and was like....yeah Ive lost my point

[yamikakyuu]

Cannot stop thinking about the contrast between John and Arthur this season to season 4.

Season 4 where Arthur is so desperately wanting to connect to another human that it makes John feel jealous enough he nearly kills a man over it. That John lied to Arthur that whole time since s3.

But Arthur forgave him after everything and John confessing how lost he feels. How Harlan said isolation would be a theme to s5 which is felt so deeply with the few parts of s5 just John and Arthur. How alone John feels when Arthur is killed by the Hag, how desperately he wants him back that he makes a deal with Yorick.

He wants to be with Arthur, they are whole together. But even after John realizes this and gets Arthur back, they're still in this world that isn't theirs. They can't trust anyone. They're still running from the horrors as they do best.

And now John is telling Arthur to lean on him, use him, because Arthur is sick. He can help. And Arthur trusts him to guide him even after all that happened in s4, the lying, the attempt to kill Oscar, the deal with Kayne. Arthur trusts John with his life. And not because he has to because he knows John now, more now than any season prior.

S5 has been so John focused which I absolutely love. Giving him his identity, shedding the full KiY name, being his own.

They grow every season but now they are whole. I feel now John wouldn't mind if Arthur finally made friends (assuming they ever get back to their time or find Noel in Spain)

I feel John understands why humans now want to connect with others. Yorick is nice to talk to but he's not their friend.

I hope the boys do get friends in the end who know about John and can talk to him like Noel did. (Obv major factors need to play into this like does John actually get a body? Does he even want one at this point, etc)

I don't know if I explained my ramblings coherently but just how change in John from saying I can do this why won't you let me?? To okay I see you're struggling, let me help because I can do it.

THE BOY HAS GROWN THATS WHAT IM SAYING

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

okay im gonna try ur welcome. one ask. all from memory. if i fuck up i fuck up.

good morning heartsville this is tank comin at ya the voice of reason the voice of the season here at WLUV the student run radio station here at heartsville high the heart of america its 7 am on the dot and a perfect 68 degrees out there to start the school year off right. just a reminder folks heartsvilles annual community picnic is this weekend so guys grab ur guy and girls grab ur girl and head on down to lookout lake. and if u dont have anyone to grab sounds like youve got some extra love on ur hands and i know one magical matchmaker who just aint gonna let you get away with that. so go get em zanna this ones for you!!!!

when the alarm clock rings u know ive got to start to sing thinkin bout the joy the days gonna bring love is all around it just has to be found my job is making sure ig gegs spread around. i knew the day of my birth that i was put on this eartj to make sure no one suffers extra love so you can leave it to me its my responsibility to pass it on to someone without enough. i seek out the truth im a love sleuth im goin undercover for a lover who might not find another and im lookin for clues and they might point to you so come on gimme ur extra love. hey cindy! who do we got on the schedule today? steve buckman a quarterback i dont know him he must be new well im sure he is feelin a bit lonely ill see what i can do.

two by two just like noah had to do the only trick to love is finding who belongs with who so come on lets start the arks about to depart we gotaa pick up some extra love. (mornin mornin hi hi whatever have a good day) whos got wxtra love? i spy (call call me see ya later whatever) mornin officer klotsky! mornin zanna was your date w dr green a success ohh you bet hes the perfect guy for meee yeah i thought he might be my gratitude to you i cant express all in a days work! we walkes thru the park holding hands hntil dark such a guy i jever thought id meet yeah life is so sweet when extra love is complete so now im keepin the beat down on love street.

zanna karla hi roberta zanna hi (ahatever) whos got extra loce? not i because we got some hreat news uh huh you wont believe this uh uh tell em karla yeah! i forget what it is we’ll be govethee forever oh yeah our loves here to stay uh huh i cant believe we met only yesterday ! e just wantes to thank you fof makinv us fall in love zanna! u know karla i cant actyally make two people fall in love. i can merely favikitate! good morning everyone good morning principal cooper. now zanna i trust you wont be meddling in anyones affairs this year now will you? now principal cooper would i ever meddle in anyone elses affairs? yes you would. ur darn right i would!

two by two just like noah had to do the only trick to love is finding who belongs with who oh well i better go my friend is waiting and so ill see uou later later later later shes so great i know. (hi hi hihi bye bye bye whatever) whos got extra love? mike does! i dont but theres this new guy in town perhaps youve seen him around. mike has a crush on him i dont you do he does okay i do but let me make this clear zanna dont interfere oh please no please no please no pleas no PLEASE heres what im gonna do. (please no!) friday ill walk by and say hi next week we’ll start to speak and boah blah blah blah just be a man forget this stupid plan and quit the delay i dont wanna scare him awayyy no ur just a chicken ow chicken ow HEY NEW GUY wuit it oww. come on! good luck on ur chess match today mike!

excuse me olease but ut seems ive lost my way how bout a map ill explain another day hi im zanna im steve new quarterback of the team howd u know a little birdy told me oh i see what brings u to the midwest a mikitary request my two dads r five star generals in the army ooo im impressed. so we move place to place base to base unpack the suitcase try to make a few friends and then pack up and leave again wherever ive been ive never seemed to fit in. well never fear uts clear you fit in here! so keep up that chin. thanks for the encouragemnet ill see u in class!

oh excuse me. no no its my fault. hey hi zanna kate how are you wait i cant im running late. breakfast sure wnat som yeah what a pptatt would be great. thanks! let me uh uh find you pleae dont a girl no thanks im doing fine. it it wont will change will not ur world ive got no time ive got sats acts aps and gpas and college applications w all those tribulations to get to university then a medical degree so i just cant b distracted by loves triviality. no! yiu just havent met the right girl yet u can philosophize and rationalize but theyre just alibis loves all u need just take it from me okay u can set me up great! when im 33! ill get u yet.

hey zanna!! hey mr dj! wont you play this song for meee from the way that ur beamjn i see that ur schemin to turn somebodys dream to realityy you know me so well well its not hard to tell ur always happy making dreams come trhe its what i do! well in spite of ur list theres always one guy u miss i do who? you i know u got dreams too. no time my friend.

hi zanna. hi candi hi buck hey zanna. whats on the clipboard for today well the school board .. well as im sure you know the schoolboard is meeting with the ciry council to discuss whether or not the linrary should be allowed to carry a copy of hearher has one mommy and one daddy. in my opinion .. oh and if you can think of anyone we could sure use another guy for this years musical. come along buck. yes candi.

the schoop musical, huh? i think i have just the right guy! i seek out the truth im a love sleuth im going undercover for a lover who might not find another and im lookin for coues and they might point to you so come on gimme ur extra love. [i almost fucked up here] well u can cocer your tracks thats a fact jack but you aint gonna shake me to fake or make me take a break from chasin you can duck off the trail but im hot on your trail so come on gimme ur extra love now baby dont try to run from the love gun ive got the place surrounded and bounded the hounds r all around it you may be on the lam from the love caravan but u aint getting away w your love!

cause this is heartsville high where i dream of a love that will stay heartsville high where nothings ever gonna get in my way heartsville high where ive a feeling loves about to begin i hope that this time im gonna fit in. HEY you over there dont be shy come iver here i bet you got extra love what you hoarding it for? lifes got so much in store for someone w extra love. dont try to hide you cant keep it inside you migt as well give up ur extra love cause if u want love to stay you gotta give it away you gotta give up give up give up hive uo your ectra looooooove give up your extra love!

this took me over half an hour to type.

dee,,,,,,,other than the typos (and the whatevers) this is accurate as far as i can tell and how did that all fit in one ask i swear there was a character limit

[dontasktheradiodemon]

I Love You (3/14/2021)

Buddy I don’t even need to summarize this thread, I can just tag it with tropes like it’s a fic, here watch me go: #angst #hurt/comfort #anguished declarations of love #tw depression #tw suicidal ideation

Immediate sequel to this thread but reading it is optional. Basically, it’s nearly impossible to spend very long in Hell without developing a guilt complex and fantasizing about whether it’d be better to stop being; Alastor and Telly @usedhearts open up to each other about theirs.

Frankly it’s a startling display of mutual emotional vulnerability and I’m proud of them both.

Sir Pentious

whenever he came back from that, what did he do

cause it said he went right to telly so 👀

Alastor

Initially? Probably just tracked him down in whatever he was currently doing and went “can I hold you”

Sorta, holding it together by a thread barely

Sir Pentious

telly probably noticed but just 'yes' and let him Hold Him no matter how grimy he was at the time

Alastor

And he’ll be content with that for about three minutes before that one thread starts fraying and he goes “... can you hold me”

Sir Pentious

thats all it takes for him to coil around alastor and hold him Tight

Alastor

Curls up tight in him and sobs on his shoulder.

Sir Pentious

telly just holds him TIGHTER

makes little comforting/soothing sounds

he doesnt know why he's upset but he will be there for him

Alastor

They’re just both gonna be grimy and that’s Fine.

Sir Pentious

so very grimy

they can take baths later

Alastor

When he’s finally capable of attempting coherent speech again the first thing he’s gonna get out is “I never, ever, ever want to leave you.”

Sir Pentious

telly just takes his face in one hand and cradles it so gently and just 'ok, alright, you don't have to.'

give him a kiss

forehead kiss bc he's probably snotty

Alastor

He’s definitely snotty. He’s full on ugly sobbing.

Sir Pentious

oh hes probably not smiling huh

i think thats probably the first time telly sees that

Alastor

NOPE, he lost that sometime while he was hiding in Telly’s shoulder.

First time Telly’s seen him with the mask off

Sir Pentious

god thats got him WORRIED and he just HUGS HIM AGAIN NICE AND TIGHT AND COILED

telly: ive got you. ive got you, im here, it's alright...

Alastor

He’s just gonna keep clinging as hard as he can, he got out One sentence and now he’s sobbing too hard to talk again.

It’s a lot of radio static and feedback noise

Sir Pentious

telly is just going to KEEP HOLDING HIM god himself couldnt pry this snake off this deer and would get bitten and injected with venom for trying

Alastor

He’ll gradually stop sobbing and the shaking will decrease to shivering

Sir Pentious

telly's just going to hold him through it all, pet his hair, massage at the base of his ears, everything he can do to soothe him

Alastor

Mumbles his gratitude and an apology for interrupting telly’s work

Sir Pentious

telly: no no don't apologize. i love you and i want to be here for you. my work will still be there. id much rather know that you're alright and have it be interrupted than you be upset or hurting and you not come to me for fear of interrupting me.

Alastor

Mumble mumble he could have handled it himself

Sir Pentious

telly: i don't _want_ you to have to handle it yourself. i'm here for you, alastor. i want you to know that you can come to me whenever you need me and i'll be here.

Alastor

Tries to say three different things but chokes on them all and just wheezes out another thanks.

Sir Pentious

he just gets a squeeze and a kiss to the nearest him surface

Alastor

He keeps holding on until he can get a small, tired smile fixed back on his face, and then he pulls back to say “Thanks” again.

Sir Pentious

he gets another forehead kiss and then telly gonna lead him to the bathroom and they are taking a BATH they are now both covered in grim AND snot

Alastor

You know, that’s fair. Bath time. Strips down to boxers, climbs in with Telly, and Clings again. ... and sorry about Telly’s clothes, he’ll clean them before the snot fossilizes

Sir Pentious

Those were his dirty work clothes, it's fine, the Eggs will wash them. But it is BATHTIME, and they are both getting a scrubbing. Moreso Telly than Alastor tho.

Alastor

... can Alastor get a scrubbing too

Sir Pentious

Absolutely!

A softer scrubbing than Telly gets

Alastor

He’s going all jelly-eyed again. It’s ok he’s fine.

Sir Pentious

He gets a nice wash cloth and a nice gently scented soap, and a boyfriend to hum to him as he kinda reverently cleans him.

Alastor

He gets self-conscious SO fast, he’s gonna hold his breath and slide under the water. It’s fine he’s fine

Sir Pentious

Telly just smiles and giggles bc that's cute, you're cute Alastor. Probably wraps his tail tip around Alastor's ankle to gently and playfully tug him thru the water.

Alastor

!!! Grabs Telly’s wrists to pull him down into the water.

Sir Pentious

Now they're both underwater!! Gonna tussle with a sea serpent in his natural element, huh, Alastor!! Play time, silly mode ACTIVATED

Alastor

GOOD he’s ready to wrestle. He’s trying not to laugh, he doesn’t want to inhale water.

Sir Pentious

Time to PLAY and WRASSLE!!

Tumbling and splashing and a big grinning snake!!

Alastor

Alastor’s got a surefire way to win this wrestling match! He’s gonna GRAPPLE THE SNAKE COMPLETELY. ... basically he’s just hugging him. Hi.

Sir Pentious

Grapple the snake and the snake grapples back. Now you're wrapped in a tail Alastor, and getting a mermaid kiss.

Alastor

Oh no, what shall he do. This definitely wasn’t his plan. Totally wasn’t. Not at all. Nope.

Sir Pentious

Kiss kiss fall in love, and he's rising up out of the water, because he wants that mouth OPEN for TONGUE.

Alastor

When they get out of the water, Alastor breaks the kiss—sorry, not going for tongue this time

Sir Pentious

Telly blinks and just brief pouting, but holds him close all the same. Kisses cheek instead.

Alastor

“Sorry. Just... tired.” Considering he sobbed about half the liquid out of his body earlier,

Sir Pentious

Wipes the wet hair off his forehead and then kisses it. "That's fine. Come on then, lets get out and dry off. Would you like a snack before bed?"

Alastor

“I need a drink. Not a drink-drink, just a drink. Fluids.”

Sir Pentious

"Of course. I'll get you some water, once we dry off."

Alastor

A nod. He’s still in a quiet mood.

Sir Pentious

Telly gonna carry him out of the bath and set him on a rug. Get towel and start drying him

Alastor gets dried first because Telly Must Care For Him.

Alastor

He puts up a token struggle against this but okay as long as he goes next.

Sir Pentious

He will. Alastor gets handed a Towel and offered his pick of head or tail.

Alastor

Head this time.

Sir Pentious

He Offers Himself on Alastor's drying alter.

Alastor

Alastor Shall Dry This Offering. And while he does he says hesitatingly, “You don’t have to ask if you don’t want to. But you can if you want.” Because it’s been weighing heavily on him as Really Fucking Weird that he just unloaded a hurricane on Telly’s nice jacket and at no point did Telly ask what that was all about

Sir Pentious

He considers it and shrugs a little. "That depends: Do you want to tell me, or would you rather not tonight?"

Alastor

He has to think about it a moment. “I think you should know.”

Sir Pentious

"Alright. Then tell me."

Alastor

Thinks about it; but then just keeps drying.

Sir Pentious

Telly just looks up at him and blinks. "Well?"

Alastor

Stops drying again. “You’re sure?” Listen, this is hard to share,

Sir Pentious

"Yes. If it had you that upset and you say that I _should_ know, then I would like to know."

Alastor

He shouldn’t have said that. He wraps the towel around Telly, hugs him, and sighs. Okay.

Sir Pentious

He's just going to lay there on the rug with Alastor, and the towel wrapped around him. And state with his big ole eyes.

Alastor

No... Not the big ole eyes... That makes this harder. He’s gotta look away. “I... don’t want to be... here.” YEAH ALASTOR GREAT START, SUPER CLEAR, RADIO HOST OF THE YEAR

Sir Pentious

A very confused furrowed brow. "Meaning what?"

Alastor

“In Hell. In—existence.” He swallows hard. “Hell wears you down. It—rubs your soul raw. It sandpapers you off a bit at a time. And I’m—I’m tired.”

Sir Pentious

A soft, concerned look and a hand cupping his face. "Oh, love...I can understand that feeling. I'm...I'm tired too. It is very tiring. Before I met Hel, I'd been close to giving up entirely. And then before I met you, I'd been ready to check myself into that hotel, just to see if it was possible. Something to change the tedium...."

Alastor

“I spend so much of my time going on walks. I don’t have anything else to do but go on walks.” He covers Telly’s hand with his own so he can press into it and shuts his eyes. “Almost every year, I wonder whether this is going to be the year that I decide to go for a walk when the angels come.”

Sir Pentious

And his heart clenches so tightly in his chest. "Don't." The word is soft and unbidden, desperate.

"There have been many a year where I've felt the same...where I thought it would be better to just end it. But I didn't. Mostly out of spite, but that can only get you so far. I like having love to live for better. Or exist for. Neither of us are living." A dry, bitter, short chuckle.

Alastor

His heart skips a beat at the word, so pronounced he flinches at the odd th-thump. Still not used to those. “I won’t. *I never want to leave you.*” He pulls Telly close. “And you’ll stay here?”

Sir Pentious

"I will." It's a promise, a swear, and he can't help but sit up to kiss him, at least once. "Don't leave me and I'll stay here, too."

Alastor

Alastor returns the kiss; it’s not a formal pact with magic and all, but it feels like one. “Then we’ll both stay.” He presses his forehead to Telly’s, eyes still shut. “It’s... heavy, though.”

Sir Pentious

"I know. Damn it, do I _know_. Humans like us, we weren't meant to be eternal. It _fucks_ with us, especially knowing that we've already died. But you have me now. And I have you. And if we share our loads, it won't seem as heavy." He may be crying, just a bit, and luckily only from the face eyes.

Alastor

“Knowing we’ve died—and knowing we aren’t *worth* eternity. I know I’m not. I know Hell is a punishment, but—sometimes it feels so *generous.*”

But he nods, slightly, with their heads still together. “But—I have you and you have me. And good God, am I glad I do.”

Sir Pentious

"I understand. I know exactly what you mean." Sighs and wraps his arms around him.

"I'm glad to have you too. I...I love you." A small kiss.

Alastor

"I love you, too." And it hurts like hellfire to say. It's the thing keeping him chained here, and it's also such a part of the reason why Hell hurts at all.

He presses his face to Telly's shoulder; this time, at least, his crying is quiet.

Sir Pentious

His breath catches and the tears come again, more freely. He can feel the eyes on his tail beginning to leak as well, can't control it in the moment. Telly's arms wrap more tightly around Alastor, and one of his hands moves up to stroke and card through his hair. He squeezes his eyes (on his face) shut again, he shakes with quiet sobs, holding Alastor to him as if everything depended on keeping him close.

Alastor

He holds Telly just as tightly, an arm around his back and an arm around his shoulders. Guilt twists in him at being the one to make Telly cry; but Alastor’s not crying hard, this time around he can support Telly through his sobbing.

Sir Pentious

They're not hard sobs, instead soft little things, hiccups more like, and along with them comes a soft chorus of "Love you, love you, love you." The amount of emotions that are roiling around inside of him, who knows if the crying is sadness, happiness, or something else. But there is an overabundance and he is letting it out.

Alastor

And Alastor will keep supporting him until it’s all out, the same way Telly did earlier. He briefly lowers one hand to Telly’s tail and gently tugs, encouraging him to coil around Alastor if he wants. He can deal with a dozen eyes crying on him.

Sir Pentious

The tail barely needs any encouragement, it is up and coiling in an instant, squeezing Alastor's lower half. Not hard enough to hurt, but definitely very tight. Telly doesn't take too long to calm, the tears stopping and his breathing evening out. Then he's just breathing deeply against Alastor, still holding him tight, but with less desperation.

Alastor

Alastor rubs Telly’s back as the tears slowly stop coming. Once Telly’s breathing has steadied, Alastor murmurs, “How do you feel?”

Sir Pentious

"I'm not sure. I'm happy, but tired, and sad that you felt so tired, too."

Alastor

“I don’t want you to be sad on my behalf.” He sighs quietly. “But if there’s happiness in there too...”

Sir Pentious

"I can't help it, I love you, and knowing that you hurt, it hurts me too. But that's not to say 'don't tell me when you're hurting' because I _want_ to know. So that I can help if I can. Or just hold you, if that's what you need. But I'm happy because you love me, and you're here with me, and we can help each other. And that is what's most important, more than anything." A soft sigh in return, and a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

Alastor

“That’s the worst part of this whole thing, isn’t it? We’ve got to carry each other’s pain on top of our own—and then we feel guilty for paining each other.” Alastor laughs ruefully. “But I’m here for you. For whatever damage control we can do.” He returns the kiss.

Sir Pentious

"It's quite something: you want your love to not hurt, but then your hurt hurts them, and they don't want you to hurt, but their hurt hurts you, and it's just another fucking ouroboros." He laughs, a bit of a hysterical tinge to it. "But I'll endure it. For you."

Alastor

“I’ve always thought there was something beautiful in the image of devouring oneself alive.” There wasn’t anything beautiful in *this,* but maybe he could find it. “I will, too. As long as I give you more happiness than unhappiness.”

Sir Pentious

Telly pulls back just a tad, enough to see Alastor's face. He cups it and kisses him, pressing their foreheads together again. "You already have."

Alastor

“Make sure I keep it up.” He cupped Telly’s face as well, running his thumbs over his cheeks. “We’ve only just gotten started, and there’s a long eternity ahead of us.”

Sir Pentious

"I will. I hold you to that." A bit of a smirk, and he's uncoiling, and grabbing the towel again. "I'm mostly dry but still a little damp. Let's finish up and get some water, _I'm_ thirsty now too."

Alastor

Huff. “*Right.* Of course.” He retrieves the towel he’d wrapped around Telly’s shoulders and helps, taking special care with the tear streaks around his many eyes. “We can try out another one of your herbal teas, see if this’ll be the one I like. I can whip up something or other to go with it.”

Sir Pentious

Telly smiles and finishes drying, before taking Alastor's hand. He kisses it and then wraps it around his arm to start slithering towards the kitchen. "Anything in particular you want to try tonight? Or should I just try and pick something that I think you'll perhaps like?"

Alastor

“Whatever you want. It still all tastes like fruity tea to me.” He laughs self-consciously. “I’ll get there.”

Sir Pentious

"Maybe something with some citrus? For a zest? I have a few mixes like that." They are now in the kitchen and Telly's going to get the kettle on and then dig around for the teas.

Alastor

“Sure, I could use some zest.” He starts rummaging around to see what he can make that goes with something citrusy. He’s got this place pretty well outfitted by now, if he says so himself.

Sir Pentious

"Alright, I have a green tea with orange, clove, and ginger. It's very tasty, has a good bite." He hummed as he got out the clear pot that he'd used before, and two cups.

Alastor

Green tea, what goes with green tea? He’s got no idea what goes with green tea. He can slap together some tea sandwiches that go with orange, clove, and ginger, though. “How does chicken sound?” And perhaps a more important question: “When did you last eat?”

Sir Pentious

Cue him pausing as his brain starts to work, trying to remember. "Ahhh...this morning? Breakfast, yes, I think that was when." Oh look how concentrated he is on pouring the water into the pot he is now.

Alastor

Maybe something a bit more substantial than a rinkydink tea sandwich, then. “Would you say that tea’s more clove-y or ginger-y?

Sir Pentious

He lifts the dried tea to his mouth to blelele and hums. "More clove-y."

Alastor

“Then let’s make that beef instead of chicken. Compliments it better without having to toss in a dozen other spices—and we don’t want to overpower the tea, do we...” He presumes they don’t want to, anyway. He checks the fridge to see what they’ve got on hand. Watch out, he’s switching into Cooking Mode.

Sir Pentious

Telly loves when he switches into cooking mode. He's just going to move the cups and the pot to the table and then settle in to watch.

Alastor

Okay, keep it simple—he grabbed some roast beef, onions, watercress, mayo, and some odds and ends to mix into the mayo that will *hopefully* compliment the tea, passing each ingredient one by one to his shadow to find a place for on the counter. Alastor swoops by Telly to give him a quick squeezing hug on his way to start prepping sandwiches—maybe a slightly longer hug. Maybe he’ll linger here a moment.

Sir Pentious

Oh! A hug, yes, a hug is good. Get that snake purring like an engine. He's very tempted to coil but he won't, he's getting hungry just watching.

Alastor

Okay, no, no getting emotional. Twice in one day is enough. He’s got fancy mayo to prepare. He lets go and hurries to the counter. “So. What’s... What were you working on earlier?” Don’t mind if his voice is a little rough, it’s fine.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, just more repairs. Installing new parts and making some delicate calibrations that the Eggs can't handle." He's watching Alastor and not even paying attention to the tea, that's gonna seep for a good while.

Alastor

“I ought to take an evening or two to help out with repairs.” He’s talking as much to himself as to Telly. “I keep coming over and *watching,* there’s no reason I can’t pick up a wrench or screwdriver and pitch in.”

Sir Pentious

"I'd love for you to help, I can get instruct you what to do just fine, I know how capable you are." A smile, and then he's re-noticing the tea and pouring a cup. Adds a little honey for sweetness and takes a satisfied sip.

Alastor

He passes over the first sandwich. “If it goes horribly with the tea: I’m sorry, forgive me, I did my best, it’s not my fault.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughs. "I'm sure it will be fine, Alastor." He takes the sandwich and bites, and then takes a sip of tea, and then makes a very surprised and delighted noise. "Oh, that tastes wonderful."

Alastor

“Good!” He finishes his own, takes a bite—good—and pours some tea for himself to try—well, it still tastes like tea, but like, at least a tea that pairs well with the sandwich. “The good news is I think I’m starting to differentiate the taste of green tea from other teas.”

Sir Pentious

A smile. "Good! I'm glad. Maybe you're acquiring the taste for tea, at least a bit." A wink, and then he's back to eating. He finishes it far, far too fast-- Telly really does just inhale his food when propriety isn't a factor-- and then he's just sipping his tea. His tail slides over to curl around Alastor's calf.

Alastor

Alastor's taken two bites. He pauses before the third. "... Do you want another sandwich?"

Sir Pentious

Oh, shy snake look, and then a little nod. "Yes, please." And his tail retracts to let Alastor move.

Alastor

He waves his shadow over to do it and nudges Telly's tail with his foot. He's staying put.

Sir Pentious

Oh! Good, the tail is curling back around and holding him, and he smiles just so fond and bright. And another sip of tea.

Alastor

Alastor returns the smile—it still looks tired, but it’s just a little warmer when he meets Telly’s gaze. “I’m sorry I threw you off your schedule today.” Such as it was; Alastor was getting the distinct impression that Telly’s schedule was *however much I can get done today in as many hours as I can keep working.* “I’ll help you get back on track. And next time it’s your turn to have an emotional breakdown, all right?”

Sir Pentious

He laughs softly, and reaches over to take Alastor's hand, thumb stroking gently. "Alright, but you have to mop up after." A snicker.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand. “It’s a deal.”

Sir Pentious

He hums and takes another sip of his tea, not letting go of Alastor's hand. "Is my other sandwich done?"

Alastor

Alastor glances over.

His shadow is just, sorta, standing there, awkwardly, holding a sandwich, watching this tender moment. Heyyy.

Alastor gestures. Go on, put the man’s sandwich down.

Sir Pentious

And he is devouring the sandwich, very happily. A contented snake.

Alastor

Well, for all Alastor’s flaws, at least he can help keep one snake fed—and that’s something, isn’t it? He continues eating his own sandwich. It’s a little awkward with one hand, but right now nothing could make him let go of Telly.

[solidburnreturned]

by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho 

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute 

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them 

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels 

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy. 

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad

[danswank]

Hi, I just saw your post asking what people thought of the ATL situation and well I’ve had really almost no one to talk to about it. So I’m gonna leave my two cents. Very sorry for how long this is. I love this band, I’ve been a fan for 14 years (half my life at this point) and I’ve been to multiple shows before Covid hit. When the allegations first started to come out I’m not gonna lie I kinda laughed it off, like we’ve seen crazy stories fans of other bands/artists have put out and have been false.

Then the Twitter one hit and it was like the whole world (Twitter) exploded. It was really one extreme side (hate them) or the other (support them). I’m not gonna lie I cried. I don’t know if it was because the things they were accused of or just twitters responses. I’m a survivor of SA and abuse from an ex and to be told that I was a liar or not a real victim because I didn’t choose a side right away hurt. I had death threats and other hurtful things sent my way so much that I deleted Twitter. I lost friends who I’ve had since childhood because they automatically assumed the band was guilty and demanded that I treat them the same. But I just couldn’t do it, I felt like a lot of people, just stuck in the middle.

Ive gone back and reread all the allocations (minus that 97 bullshit.) and while I won’t get into details about how I felt rereading them. It partly helped in my choice to be where I am now. That statement they put out I feel was 100% not written by them and their label has proly told them to keep their mouths shut. To me it didn’t seem like they were brushing it off but more like something had to be said because people were demanding it.

When I saw the rolling stone article about them taking this to court, I didn’t know what to think/feel. Like on one hand good for them, if they’re truly innocent and they’re allowing these people to go thru their lives then they’re not scared and they have nothing to hide. On the other hand I feel like the article brought up everything again and refueled the flames. Like my grandma who has no idea who ATL is (other than I listen to them) was asking me all about what happened.

Even if everything is fully prove false and the band is innocent, they’re gonna have a hard time recovering. Their reputations have been ruined and that stain will always be there. I’ve taken a step back from the fandom over all, if a song comes up on my playlist I’ll let it play. I have too many memories with these songs to let people on the internet decide what I should and shouldn’t listen to.

Like we’ve seen there’s been so many other bands that we listen to that we don’t follow as close that have had shit against them. So I think that’s were a lot of hurt comes from with ATL is we’ve followed these men so close, they interact with us fans so much and they’ve always given us this we love the fans perspective. I remember early days late 2000s/any of the 2010s, the whole scene was so different. It’s not like that now. Should these bands admit that things back then were wrong, maybe yeah, are they going no proly not. But for me actions speak louder and I believe that this band and grown and changed for the better.

Now I will 100% go back on my words and apologize if things turn out to be against them and they’re found guilty of anything. For now though I’m just going to causally enjoy the music, stay away from Twitter/fandom and keep on with life. There’s nothing fans or “fans” can do at this point but wait for court documents to be released. Either way this goes no one is going to be happy.

i’m really really glad that you took the step away from twitter that you needed even though it’s horrible that it got to that point. i can’t believe the things i’ve heard about peoples’ behavior on twitter. everyone needs to process this themselves and bullying each other is just not it.

i agree with a lot of this. i hate that the lawsuit just feels like dragging things out because it does feel like - while there will now always be the comments here and there - this will be in the past one day. it just feels a long way away. they were never going to make everyone happy. can’t say what i’d do if i was in their shoes. sucks that something we love so much was taken away from us and i think there is a period of mourning no matter what side you take.

[lassieposting]

Romance head canon ❤️ in all the fan fiction I read its Valkyrie initiating the relationship/kiss👄 , her flirting. I read this piece and it was like from ghastly POV and he picked up on the way skul 💀look at her. Want some head canons of skulls POV. 👀

oho do i have some shit for you

seriously anon i think this might be the longest fucking post ive ever made

the way i read the books, skul starts to realise he’s in the process of falling for val when she’s 17-18. which is dodgy in some parts of the world, and idk where you’re from anon, but in my country the age of consent is 16 so i’m cool with interpreting it like that

the first instances of like, gentle flirting, from him are in death bringer and kotw. 

1. “You’re late.” 

“I’m beautiful.”

“You’re always beautiful.”

“I’m always late, too.”

skulduggery is from the 1600s, and flirting back then was not as obvious as it is today. this is roughly the time where he starts complimenting her regularly on her appearance. “you’re always beautiful” is a pretty safe compliment to give any girl, especially a girl like val who’s fairly vain and aware that she’s beautiful. i think here he’s kind of. testing the water? like not openly flirting with her, but more seeing whether she’s receptive to that kind of comment coming from him? whether he should bother to keep them coming? because if she’d responded here with an immediate awkward or disgust reaction, or if she’d kind of gone “that’s a little weird, skulduggery” i bet you none of the other semi-flirty stuff in the books would’ve gone down. he would’ve backed off, immediately

but she doesn’t. she just accepts it - we don’t get a physical reaction from her, but he keeps the compliments coming so there was probably some vaguely positive physical cue, i.e. she smiled at him or something, and says, “I’m always late, too.” The ‘too’ acknowledging that she knows she’s always beautiful. Thank you. Which let’s be real, is a response to half-flirty compliments that he’s probably used to from china. She’s not told him to fuck off, so that’s a positive.

And then he’s treated her to a gorgeous dress. 

2. “The dress was long and slinky, strapless, silk and chiffon. Her shoes were gorgeous”

I’m sorry, but if you see someone as a surrogate child, you don’t buy them a sexy dress. You just don’t, it’s inappropriate and wrong. And yeah, you might buy a dress like that for your platonic friend if you know that’s your friend’s style, but val isn’t a regular dress-wearer. so chances are, he bought her something he’d like to see her in, and hoped she’d like it. It’s not mentioned in the book, but it’s also possible he had to actually buy her underwear at this point. “Long, slinky, strapless” dresses usually require panties that don’t leave underwear lines, and strapless bras. Since val isn’t a regular wearer of slinky clothing or dresses, chances are she doesn’t actually own any suitable underwear for this dress. So either she went without, which would’ve been kind of uncomfortable for her during the whole nonsense with melancholia that went down at the requiem ball, or skulduggery bought her underwear to wear with the dress. 

how does he even know what size she is? either he asked ghastly, or he paid a lot of attention to that naked reflection. 

“I thought I’d spoil you,” he says. We know skulduggery spends a lot of money on the important woman in his life. China says he used to bring her priceless books and artifacts which would’ve cost him an arm and a leg, and it’s probably safe to say he bought her outfits, too, while they were together. He doesn’t seem to spend his money on people who don’t matter to him (as much). You don’t see him splashing out to get tanith a set of protective clothes, and he doesn’t so much as take elsie through the burger king drive-thru. Yet, I googled how much it costs to remodel a house and the answers I’m getting are all in like the £40,000 to £75,000 bracket, which might be out, but since I know nothing about house renovation, I’m gonna run with that. So he spent over £40,000 on doing up his house so val could essentially live there and spend more time with him. You don’t spend that kind of money on someone you’re not planning on having there long-term. 

He also implies that he would’ve gone to Ghastly to get val’s requiem ball dress if he hadn’t been so busy. ghastly’s clothes are implied to be expensive. it’s one thing for skul to buy val protective clothes - she’s his responsibility, and he wants to keep her safe, it’s an understandable expense. but splashing out just to buy her a fuckin expensive dress tailor-made by ghastly just to spoil her? dude got feelings

i mean let’s also take into account that that was what dudes did in ye olde days, right? they were the primary source of income. in 1600-whatever, the girl would’ve moved in with the guy, put her own touch on the home, and it would’ve been her husband’s responsibility to “keep” her; to pay for her clothes, her food, her entertainment, etc

What’s val done in the past few years?

“Moved into” skul’s house - not full-time, but it’s implied she spends a lot of time there, put her own touch on it via having it entirely fucking remodeled to suit her, what with having the bathroom, kitchen and bedroom put in, and spent a whole lot of skul’s money. he spoils her. in exchange, she makes his house into a home - probably just by being there, bc lets face it this is val and she’s no domestic goddess. but it mimics, i like to think, the way he would’ve treated his wife. money no object to make her happy

if you look at it like this, he’s basically treating her as though they’re in a relationship already. i doubt he’s actually taking that seriously and deluding himself that they’re a thing, but again, he’s testing it out. how does she react to him treating her like this? does she have issues with it? is she comfortable? and she’s totally chill with it, so another positive

There’s also this:

3. “Now she had her own bedroom, there was a bathroom with a huge shower and a kitchen with a fully-stocked fridge.”

So not only did he refurbish for her, but he refurbished with quality. Which, yeah, it’s skulduggery, he’s got expensive tastes, but tbh i think he let her pick out everything. which means she picked all this expensive shit that looks great but cost him a mint and he doesn’t care, bc this is how he shows affection

4. “sometimes she wondered how much money she’d cost him with her insistence on refurbishment”

So refurbishing was val’s idea. The fact that she wanted skul’s house changed for her probably came across as like. not flirty, exactly? but to him, she’s saying that she wants to spend more time here. more time with him. she wants his home to be her home. he probably saw that as encouragement, tbh, he was so happy about it? 

then in kotw, we have this:

5. “Remember that sorcerer who went missing?”

Valkyrie raised her head off the pillow even as she woke. For a moment she didn’t know where she was, then she recognised the house on Cemetery Road…

“Patrick Xebec,” Skulduggery said, standing in the morning sunlight that streamed in through the window.

he’s. in her room. while she’s asleep. at this point, they have no boundaries. skulduggery would’ve been raised that to come into a young lady’s room while she is abed is just. not done. the only woman it would’ve been appropriate for him to do that with would be his wife, or a lover - women he’d essentially share a room with anyway (don’t quote me on this, but i think a lot of couples in his era had separate bedrooms as standard? and then just slept together when they wanted to? because a lot of marriages were out of convenience and not love?). but im pretty sure there’s also another scene of him doing it again - coming into her room before she’s up and waking her up by talking at her - so either he’s just utterly lost his sense of propriety over the years or he’s so comfortable with her and she with him that they no longer have that boundary

6. “She took a quick shower, dressed, and Skulduggery had a bowl of cereal waiting for her when she emerged.”

so not only is he a-ok with coming into her room while she’s still in it, they’ve also got into a morning routine with each other. he makes her breakfast. it’s wonderfully domestic, a little gesture of affection in his very understated way. skulduggery is an over-the-top personality who doesn’t do emotions very well, and val has no subtlety. he’s treating her like he’d treat his significant other, but because he hasn’t actually smacked her in the face with a brick stamped with “I LIKE YOU” in big letters, she’s not picking up what he’s throwing out there

it’s also worth mentioning that like. in death bringer and kotw, he starts touching her a lot more. hugging her, or letting her hug him. that scene where he pushes her up against a wall and kinda feels her up to check if she was shot, even though she’s wearing protective clothes and so he knows none of the bullets would’ve hurt her. that bit in kotw(?) where she gets stuck in the hole and he has to pull her out. it’s pointed out on the skulduggery forums in the valdug thread that if you pull someone out by their underarms, like he tries to, you’re gonna touch boob. you just are. it’d be shockingly difficult not to. and again, no negative reaction from her, not even an awkward joke

again, for the most part of skul’s life, male-female physical contact was very limited. he didnt touch her very often for the first half of the series, and i think that had a lot to do with the fact that in his mind, it would’ve been inappropriate. touching is something you do with the girl you’re courting. so like, he’ll hug her if she needs to be hugged, or comfort her if she needs it or whatever, but there’s no casual touching. but in the last four books, he touches her an awful lot. because he is kinda courting her

kotw i think is the point where skul stops dodging around on the edge of flirting, and starts actually flirting. and tries to let her know he’s got feelings for her, because he’s a whole lot less subtle in this book. there’s this whole exchange: 

7. “It’s just, if you were feeling somehow…unattractive…”

“Sorry?”

“I don’t mean unattractive,” he said quickly. “I mean, if you were thinking that maybe you’ll always be alone -”

“You think I’ll always be alone?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

We know that when skulduggery was alive, he had a stutter. this isn’t a stutter, but he’s definitely nervous, and you can tell? i can count the number of times skulduggery was visibly nervous in the books on one hand. he’s a very confident, very self-assured man. but this is the first time he’s kind of made it obvious to val that he likes her. this is him kind of going, i’m an available romantic prospect, valkyrie. but she doesn’t let him get it out, she won’t let him finish. he phrases it wrong and loses his chance.

8. “I was only trying to be sensitive.”

she’s hurt him. she won’t let him talk, won’t let him tell her how he feels. she “doesn’t need him sensitive”. she’s kind of. pretty much completely dismissed that he’s also a person with feelings, and she’s hurt him.

9. “you can’t run from your feelings!”

“i can walk from them.”

he doesn’t deny that there are feelings to walk from. by now he’s picked up that valkyrie is dense as a fucking wall, so the flirting is getting a little bit more obvious. and even though she just hurt him, and he’s now kinda pissed at her as a result, he still acknowledges that he has feelings

and then, in lsodm, we get this absolute fucking gem

10 “tight trousers don’t count.”

he’s given up, everyone. this is outright flirting, it even sounds flirty on the audiobook, he knows he’s not fucking getting anywhere and now he’s just not even bothering to be subtle

and then, going totally outside of canon, i like to think that the Big Reveal is essentially skulduggery says something even more obvious than the tight trousers comment, and val kind of pauses and goes, “are you flirting with me?” and skulduggery is just like

HAVE BEEN FOR THREE YEARS NOW BUT THANKS FOR NOTICING

[cicinicole-14]

Top 6 Grey's emotional moments & Top 6 Amelia Shepherd quotes :D

okay, im sorry to disappoint but im not going to add gifs this time, but i will hpily explain why these are my favourites. :D and disclaimer again; these are in no particular order i think..

Top 6 Emotional Grey’s Moments

six: Seattle Grace Mercy West Shooting (6x23)

i mean how is this not emotional?!?!?! first of all, we have callie who is trying to get arizona to love her or even understand her and talk to her again while operating on a child in a patient room and Clarke visits them. then you have bailey, percy and patient mary who get a visit and Gary shoots percy and bailey’s trying so hard to save him but cant. then there is alex who is shot and all he can hallucinate and think of is Izzie who left him but he thinks lexie is her. and poor mark who wants to be with lexie but lexie is with alex and she has a boyfriend, and yeah she could have a husband but she has a boyfriend. and then there is owen who got shot and meredith who had to operate on him and then there was derpy little april who was born in ohio on april 23rd and she has a mom and a dad and april stop talking because u just got derek shot and now it made meredith miscarry and cristina and jackson are operating on him and jackson pulled his tabs off and made us all think he died because gary was going to shoot meredith and i dont even remember the rest but how was none of that not emotional? it wasnt  it was super emotional.

five: the plane crash (8x24)

again, this is all so emotional. cristina cant find her shoe. meredith cant find derek. arizona cant feel her leg. derek cant feel his hand. poor jerry died. the fire went out. there was only one piece of gum. cristina did like weird surgery on mark in the middle of a forest and then there’s lexie. poor lexie who was trapped under a plane. poor lexie who loved mark. poor lexie who’s pelvis was crushed and her arm was probably detached and she will never get to see sofia grow up. she will never get to see zola and bailey and ellis grow up. she will never have her own kids with mark. because you know why? she fucking died because shonda rhimes is an evil woman who makes really emotional episodes. 

four: amelia’s breakdown (11x22) 

oh god. caterina is an amazing actress. her almost slip with the oxy on derek’s deck just fucking wrecks me. like there are no words. she is fine. she’s hanging in there. she good. she’s making jokes and putting butts in the seats of every OR gallery she is great. but her brother is dead. she’s dead and she is what? supposed to be going bat crap crazy? huh? yeah. but shes hanging in there until some shady doctor sells her a baggy of oxy and shes going to take it. but she cant because thankfully owen stops her and its okay because she needs to feel things. and it’ll be okay.

three: i love you (9x24)

alex’s i love you confession to jo literally makes me squeal so fucking hard you have no idea whatsoever. this episode is my favourite outta the whole show. this is mainly just fangirl emmotional because i love alex and jo and to see alex telling her he loves her was amazing because he doesnt do crazy chicks with problems, but he likes chicks with dude names. he likes jo. so he did. he told that intern out there to shut up because he loved her. 

two: owen and amelia’s talk (13x17)

everyone can give amelia shit for just not wanting a baby and yes she knew owen wanted one and at the time she arried him she wanted babies too. remember the hypothetical conversation of having five kids? huh? she wanted babies too, she still does. it’s just when that negative pregnancy test came up, it forced her into reality of the fact last time she gave birth to a baby he died. so shes scared. she’s so fucking scared because last time it almost fucking killed her and she did it alone. if she gets pregnant again and this baby dies, itll all be over. she wont be able to do it. shes strong but she breaks. and owen just doesnt quite grasp the concept of that. yeah cristina aborted his baby and he lost it too but he didnt get attached. the baby was the only piece of ryan amelia had left and she was attached. and she got to hold him and she got to be his mom for forty-three minutes. she was already a great mom. and this is why this scene was so emotional.

one: amelia tells alex (13x06)

i really need more scenes of amelia and alex because they could be the best of friends given the chance. i love the fact she trusted alex enough at this point to just tell him. and the fact that alex is so caring enough to ask if she’s okay. to ask if she wants to talk about it. no matter what shit he was going thru with deluca he still offered to help her. asked her to sit or talk or leave and then she told him. she told him everything and he stood quietly and listened. he listened to everything she needed to say and get off her chest before he gave her a pep talk about how owen could never hate her because “its hunt” but she thinks he will because when she waited for that test to be answered she was wishing it was negative and when it was owen heart broke but she was relieved and she could breathe again. so she says again to alex if owen would hate her. but alex is compassionate. he knows no one could ever hate amelia. especially for that reason. he knows she lost a baby. you cant hate someone for losing a baby like that. and shes broken. whoever hates her for that should go to hell. alex is a great friend. ugh this scene is wonderful.

Top 6 Amelia Shepherd Quotes

*some of these are from PP some are from Grey’s

six: why do we even try when the barriers are so high and the odds are so low? why don’t we just pack it in and go home? it’d be so, so much easier. it’s because, in the end, there’s no glory in easy. no one remembers easy. they remember the blood and the bones and the long, agonizing fight to the top. and that’s how you become legendary.

this quote is so inspirational to remember to fight until you get to the top and no matter what comes in your way just push through and never take the easy way out because no one remembers easy. i used that in one of my art projects earlier this year. 

five: The key, though, win or lose, is not to fail. And the only way to fail is not to fight. So you fight until you can’t fight anymore. Hold up you head and enter the arena, and face the enemy. Fight until you can’t fight anymore, never let go, never give up, never run, never surrender. Fight the good fight, you fight even when it seems inevitable that you’re about to go down swinging.

this is actually the first half of the quote above but they always seem like two different quotes and i like to think of them that way. they mean the same and different things all at the same time. just keep fighting the good fight.

four: I gave birth to one, not that long ago. I held him for a few minutes and then I donated his organs. They took him out of my arms and they took him apart. And if I let myself drink I would never stop. You're asking me out because you look at me and you think we're about the same age, we could have fun. I might have made the same mistake if I were you. But we're not the same age. I'm about a hundred years older than I look.

this just hurts me emotionally. its like the first time she starts talking about her baby and like she’s coping in the only way she knows how. and it hurts me. i love amelia my precious bby.

three:  People don't change. They modify. They adjust. Underneath, we are who we are. People just get better at covering up their flaws.

this one is just really deep and relevant to what i personally believe in of people and their ability to change or actually not change because people can’t. they will always be the same ole person you know and it really sucks when its someone you care about and they turn into a shitty person and then seem to be out of that again and become normal but then the shittiness comes around again and its because people cant change.

two: if you aren’t willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed. 

this quote i literally live by because really though, if you dont push through even on the darkest of days, you wont get anywhere in life.

one: because if you tell me to ‘filter’ again, i am going to bludgeon you to death with a reflex hammer.

just had to throw a funny in there, of course. and this one is my fav because she’s talking to addison and you can only joke like this to best friends.

well... sorry this took so long. thank you so much!

[alien-earz]

about me

Fancy knowing anything about me?

1: Full name Kirstie Taylor King Turcotte

2: Age: 20

3: 3 Fears: deep water, creepy crawly bugs, pizza place doesnt deliver

4: 3 things I love: music, art, laughing

5: 4 turns on: if you funny, gentle, and can have deep conversations

6: 4 turns off: big ego, doesn’t show he cares, ugly shoes

7: My best friend: nobody wants to be close to me long enough

8: Sexual orientation: str8 

9: My best first date: ohhh maaannnn.... somewhere in a waterfall in a foreign country

10: How tall am I: 5′3

11: What do I miss: not having to adult

12: What time were I born: 7:30 am!

13: Favourite color: dreamy purples and green and blue and anything lovely

14: Do I have a crush: yeessssss!

15: Favourite quote: let it go, let it leave, let it happen. nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you anyway. all you own is yourself.

16: Favourite place: new zealand or anywhere with a beautiful sunset

17: Favourite food: all da food! but mostly hummus 

18: Do I use sarcasm: ....noooo :3

19: What am I listening to right now: bedroom-nostalgic feeling!

20: First thing I notice in new person: the beautiful smiles

21: Shoe size: 7 

22: Eye color: bluuuueee

23: Hair color: dirty blonde

24: Favourite style of clothing: dirty mop grungy just crawled out of a trashcan unique

25: Ever done a prank call?: pretty sure i wasted my adolescence prank calling people

27: Meaning behind my URL: i like to get high

28: Favourite movie: oh maaann! idek. the grinch probs. i know err word. 

29: Favourite song: i have a million favorite songs. but my favorite song at the moment is hodera-breathe easy because the guitar sounds so dreamy and beautiful

30: Favourite band: nevershoutnever is my guilty pleasure

31: How I feel right now: weird

32: Someone I love: everyone who ever made me feel loved

33: My current relationship status: d8ing

34: My relationship with my parents: terrible

35: Favourite holiday: halloweeny because i love being creepy 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: i only have my belly button pierced but i have 8 tattoos and ive had a million piercings in my life time. 

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: i want to get my septum re pierced annnnndddd i want an avocado tattoo’d on my arm 

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: because it was cool af in grade 10

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: no way, we were friends for a long time before. 

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: ermm... sometimes i guess

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: yep! 

42: When did I last hold hands?: yesterday in the car with my boyfriends mom cause i love her and she loves me and shes the best. 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: 10 minutes at the most

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: loool no? its winter. 

45: Where am I right now?: at work :(

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: probably my self or the cab driver. cabbies always pull thru. 

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: as loud as it can fuckin go

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: no!!!! im a full time adult

49: Am I excited for anything?: summer time 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: yesssssssssss, most of my greatest friends are boys

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: mm  70% maybe. 

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday when i was leaving my friends house. noice warm hugs

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: i would be confuuused. 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: no! i learned the hard way not to trust a distrusting person.

55: What is something I disliked about today?: that i had to get up at 8 and go to the bank to get money for my rent. and than pay my grumpy landlord. 

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Robert Plant

57: What do I think about most?: im mostly in dream land 99% of the time

58: What’s my strangest talent? i can spread all my toes apart and it looks like i have munky feet. its pretty bad ass. 

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i dont think being closter phobic is strange. but FUCK that. 

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both! i like to capture beauty and be apart of beauty. 

61: What was the last lie I told? i lied on my time sheet at work because i need the hours but i fucking hate working. 

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? talking on the phone is nice, it keeps the mystery going. 

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: of course.

64: Do I believe in magic?: yes! i believe we all have abilities we cannot access, only some people get to that point. 

65: Do I believe in luck?: sure

66: What's the weather like right now?: sunny, windy. 

67: What was the last book I've read? celestine prophecy 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: i would be dead if i did 

69: Do I have any nicknames?: kerby/kerbz

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?: uhm my brother snapped my pinky in half. 

71: Do I spend money or save it?: both haha 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no :c

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? yes! my key chain.

74: Favourite animal? red panda

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? roasting my brain on social media 

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? love 

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? heaven must be missing an angel 

78: How can you win my heart?: be sweet and semi obsessed 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? tried my best 

80: What is my favorite word? rutabaga 

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: i dont go on tumblr enough 

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? love everyone. every leaf. every ray of light. forgive. 

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: nahhh 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: read peoples minds 

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? how do i feel honestly. 

86: What is my current desktop picture? a red panda.. hahah 

87: Had sex? i would be pretty sad if i was 20 and still a virgin. 

88: Bought condoms? yessssssss

89: Gotten pregnant? noooo! 

90: Failed a class? ha ha ha 

91: Kissed a boy? yup

92: Kissed a girl? yupppppp 

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? heh yes 

94: Had job? unfortunately 

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the time 

96: Bullied someone on the internet? ya i was a dick in highschool 

97: Had sex in public? how public? i had sex in a park at night. and in the forest. and in a car parked on the side of the road. idk how public that is. but. 

98: Played on a sports team? soccer! 

99: Smoked weed? everyday.

100: Did drugs? yea!

101: Smoked cigarettes? ive been ciggy free for awhile 

102: Drank alcohol? if i could calculate how much vodka i have drank in my life i could probably fill an olympic pool. js. 

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? vegetarian! 

104: Been overweight? not really. 

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yess

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably. 

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? when i was younger yeah 

109: Been outside my home country? multiple times!

110: Gotten my heart broken? i think my heart is in a constant broken stage now. 

111: Been to a professional sports game? yeah! 

112: Broken a bone? if my pinky counts than yes 

113: Cut myself? for a year i used to cut my self in highschool. 

114: Been to prom? i live in canada 

115: Been in airplane? yeaaaaaaa

116: Fly by helicopter? noooooo 

117: What concerts have I been to? too many 

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? mm no 

119: Learned another language? no! :’( 

120: Wore make up? sometimes 

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? i was 15

122: Had oral sex? duhh 

123: Dyed my hair? not for 2 years

124: Voted in a presidential election? i voted in the prime minister election in canada last year. my dude won. of couuuurse because hes sick. 

125: Rode in an ambulance? yea when my brother shattered his head 

126: Had a surgery? yup!

127: Met someone famous? no 

128: Stalked someone on a social network? haaaahaha i have issues

129: Peed outside? ya gotta do what ya gotta do 

130: Been fishing? yes! i caught the biggest fishy at my bf’s cottage this summer. he was pretty impressed. 

131: Helped with charity? i dated a christian guy in highschool and his parents would take us to the mustard seed to hangout with the less fortunate and feed them :) it was really nice.

132: Been rejected by a crush? YEAA! its the worst. 

133: Broken a mirror? no thats bad luck

134: What do I want for birthday? a big hug and an awesome concert in seattle to happen. 

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2 kids. they will be boys. Atlas/Onyx. maybe Eli? 

136: Was I named after anyone? my dads highschool crush. 

137: Do I like my handwriting? yeah! ive got pretty nice writing id say

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? barbies/teddy bears

139: Favourite Tv Show? one tree hill 

140: Where do I want to live when older? somewhere peaceful, surrounded by nature 

141: Play any musical instrument? ukelele! 

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? my friend put a cigarette out on the back of my leg when i was passed out drunk. that was fun. 

143: Favourite pizza toping? pineapple!!

144: Am I afraid of the dark? if i watch a scary movie or have a scary dream. 

145: Am I afraid of heights? not really but sometimes when i look down it gives me butterflies 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? HAHA ya. my mom is smarter than i thought i guess. 

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? all the time. 

148: What I'm really bad at: expressing myself. 

149: What my greatest achievments are: moving out all on my own and paying all my bills on my own without any help. 

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: my first love told me to go kill myself and that i was spineless. 

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents debt off and move them somewhere they always wanted to go. 

152: What do I like about myself: im funny i guess 

153: My closest Tumblr friend: jen 

154: Something I fantasise about: having my life be a dream pop music video