#I got a quarter of the way into beau is afraid last night before I realised it lasted three hours and my sister called for a 40 minute chat

[aghostshipontheblue]

I had a list of movies and tv shows to watch while on my Christmas holidays, I’ve managed one and somehow two seasons of Jack Reacher????

[princessamericachavez]

No dream comes true until you're left hanging by a thread

It’s not the first time he dies at sea, but it feels different. Last time, death felt only like one more waste, a stark reminder of how dull and irrelevant his life had been. He knew the second darkness swallowed him that his passing would matter little to anyone but himself. It’s not like that now. He has so much he wants to accomplish, so much to live for, so many people that genuinely love him, that it makes death taste far more unfair. He loves his life now, doesn’t want to be ripped away from it.

He doesn’t wake up alone and confused this time, either. A chorus of friendly faces welcomes him back to the land of the living with concerned eyes and relieved smiles. Fjord finds himself in the middle of this little family that he’s made for himself and realizes that there’s no dark deal this time, just people who love him and want him around asking nothing in exchange. 

It not being his first time, Fjord tries to brush the incident off lightly. With the help of Caduceus, he gets on his feet and after reassuring everyone else he goes to Orly who is just going through the same process thanks to Jester’s magic. The tortoise is equally pragmatic but looks worse for wear in a way that makes Fjord feel a pang of guilt. 

It’s his fault that anyone got hurt. They were here for him.

He sends Orly to bed and tasks Marius and Beau with rallying the crew, making sure everyone is alright and the ship able to go on with their mission.

“Watches would probably be a good idea, too,” he sighs, heavily. “I can take the first one.”

“Absolutely not,” Caleb cuts in. 

“You need to rest,” Caduceus nods. “I can take a watch.”

“I’ll join you,” Yasha murmurs.

There’s more darkness than usual in everyone’s voices, righteous anger on his behalf that makes his chest twist. Begrudgingly, he accepts their demands that he rest and half an hour after being murdered he finds himself back in the captain’s quarters.

Fjord takes his time drying the floor with the monstrous figure had dripped, changes the bloodied sheets and cleans himself, but eventually, he runs out of distractions. Laying on the bed, he stares at the ceiling waiting for a sleep that doesn’t come. He fears the nightmares that might come the second his eyes close and the dangers that can haunt him in the real world while he lays there vulnerable.

Because he’s not sleeping, the corner of his eye catches the door moving as a dark figure peeks in. He jumps to his feet and summons his sword to his hand.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” A familiar voice squeaks.

“Jester?”

“I’m sorry, I just- I thought you would be sleeping.”

“You were going to spy on me in my sleep?”

“I just wanted to check-in on you.”

“Oh.” Fjord frowns and moves to turn a light on.

As the darkness recedes, he sees Jester standing on the door frame, eyes still puffy and red from crying earlier. She balances her weight there, anxious and embarrassed and Fjord wants to kick himself for it. She was just worried.

“Do you wanna come in?” He offers.

“Uh, s-sure,” Jester hesitates a little before walking in and closing the door behind him. “Sorry, really, I just wanted to-”

“It’s alright, Jester.”

“It’s really not, though,” she grumbles as she crosses the room and takes a seat at the edge of his bed. 

 Fjord watches her move through his space with that casual ease and wonders if this is somehow inappropriate of them. His mind flies back to another time, sees himself walking through that very same door to find a very naked Avantika waiting for him. The meeting back then had been charged with danger and lies, quickly turning into a desperate attempt to regain control by him. There is none of that tension now, just Jester sitting there and pinning him with those sad violet eyes.

“You died, Fjord,” she finally says, voice small and wavery. 

He knew that already, but the way she says it makes it feel real for the first time. Fjord drops next to her on the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he mutters slowly, letting it sink in. “I- I’m alright now, though.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jester’s head is low, her eyes tearful as she looks at her hands. It’s like being stabbed in the chest again.

“Sorry?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you faster, Fjord,” the words come out all at once, accompanied by tears. “I tried to!” Jester shakes her head. “But we were stuck down there and I couldn’t get around the guys attacking us and then I came up and you were just lying there and I couldn’t get to you. And I promised I would heal you if you were hurt but I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Fjord cuts her off, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He pulls her into a side-hug. He’s never been good with this physical touch thing, but the idea of letting her just cry like that without comforting her is unbearable. “Jester, hey, look at me,” he takes her chin in his hand, mirroring the way her God had comforted her before. “I’m alright, okay? None of this was your fault. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even be here without you.”

She nods, but he isn’t sure that she believes him.

“You saved my life, Jester.”

Slowly, she calms down. He doesn’t let go of her shoulders. 

“What are we gonna do now, Fjord?”

“I... don’t know,” he admits. “I’m at a loss here, I must admit. I guess we have to be more careful.”

“We need to find a way to get that thing out of you, Fjord, before they come back for it.”

“Yeah but I don’t know how to,” he lets out a dry laugh, overwhelmed. “I mean, I don’t even know if it’s possible, you know? Besides, we have to see these peace talks through first, it’s important for Beau, Caleb and Veth. And then you have you thing coming in. I don’t want to derail everyone’s lives again with my problems.”

Jester looks at him like he just said the most stupid thing in the seven seas.

“Fjord! Of course this is just as important, okay? Really, we all want you to be safe and if these dumb things come back we are going to be ready, alright? I- I can message Vandran again, ask him if he knows anything about this. Maybe he can tell us how he did to get away before! Or- or I can message Yussa, or Allura, or someone! We are going to find out how to get you out of these, okay?” She says, earnestly as she grabs his free hand in hers. Her eyes are still red-rimmed but he recognizes that unshakable resolve of hers in them. “I told you, Fjord, I will do anything to get you away from Uk’otoa, okay?”

His throat closes with tears. He tilts his head down to conceal the dampness gathering in his eyes. Fjord is overwhelmed by thankfulness for this woman’s sweetness, this girl who just gifted him life back and now is casually talking about fighting an ancient evil demigod for his sake. Some days —most days— he can’t believe she’s real at all. What did he ever do to deserve her friendship?

“Okay,” he finally says, once he finds his voice again. 

“Okay,” she agrees, softly, giving his hand one last squeeze before letting them go. 

Jester stands up and he immediately mourns the loss of her body by his side. 

“You should really get some sleep, Fjord,” she says, walking for the door. 

“Yeah, about that, uh,” he speaks quickly, nervously, “would you- would you mind terribly if I asked you to stay?”

Just making the request is harder than fighting the scariest monster. It makes him feel vulnerable and small and ridiculous, but this is Jester and he trusts her.

“You want me to stay the night with you, Fjord?” Her eyebrows wiggle, suggestively. 

Oh, gods.

“Just- just for a while, you don’t have to- I mean- not to do anything- I just. I... I can’t sleep.”

Whatever joke she’d been preparing, frizzles and dies in the tip of her tongue. He can see her face twist with something that once before he might have mistaken for pity but now knows to be kindness and compassion. 

“Of course, Fjord,” she smiles sweetly at him. “I’m still feeling a little nervous from the battle too, you know, so I was thinking about drawing for a little while for the Traveler. Maybe- you have a desk here, I could draw here while you sleep a little.”

“Just until I fall asleep,” he promises. He has no intention of keeping her up all night. After what she did for him and Orly, she must be exhausted.

Jester nods and quietly makes her way to the desk. Fjord wonders if he should say something more, but anything he could add right now seems useless. The conversation has left him exhausted. He lays back down on the bed and watches as she opens her notebook and carefully selects her pencils. She’s humming to herself and the sound soothes whatever was still rattled inside him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, as his eyes begin to close. 

Behind half-closed lids, he can see how she turns to him and smiles. “I’m glad you’re here too, Fjord,” she says. He’s not sure if he imagined the way her voice cracked a little or how she quickly rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand. Sleep takes him swiftly. 

His dreams are quiet, which is why he hears the voices. Fjord’s first instinct is to jump and fight, but one of them is Jester and she sounds at ease. The other voice is familiar, too, though less welcomed. The Traveler. Fjord doesn’t move, he carefully keeps his breathing steady and listens. 

This is wrong, he shouldn’t be doing this, but he’s always been too curious for his own good. 

And he does not trust this man as far as he can throw him.

“Thank you for coming when you did,” Jester is saying, with that gentle fondness that for a while Fjord thought was reserved for him.

“Of course,” the fey replies, voice melodic and dangerous at the same time, “he might be an idiot, but he is important to you, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then, that is enough for me.”

Fjord feels another pang of guilt. He really shouldn’t be spying. 

“Do you... do you think you can help us... with Uk’otoa?”

The fey hums. Fjord can picture him tilting his head, letting that stupid red mane spread across his shoulders.

“I do not know. I am afraid this creature is far more ancient than even me. However, I will be with you every step of the way. It should be fun.”

Fun?!

“Yeah, totally! It’s gonna be great when we finally kill it,” Jester agrees, cheerfully. 

Fjord thinks of the creature lurking in the darkness of his dreams. The idea of Jester facing that horror makes him nauseous. 

“But we have to figure out how to kill it,” she is still going on about it. 

“Well, there is always a way to achieve death. I believe I am owed some favors in other planes, one of them might be able to aid us in this new... mission of yours.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know people in many planes? Are you very famous there?”

“Certainly,” The Traveler replies proudly. 

Fjord knows a liar when he hears one.

“You’ll see. As soon as the Zenith has passed, I will have far more time to be with you. Ah, delicious freedom! And then, you and I can go and explore all these fun worlds together.”

What.

“Yes, it’s going to be so great!”

Jester’s leaving?

“Alright, then. Now, you better rest. You did very well tonight, my priestess. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“I will watch over your half-orcs dreams for now.”

After a few moments, Fjord hears Jester move across the room and leave. He waits still for a couple minutes before finally daring to open his eyes. The room is empty. He grapples with what he just eavesdropped in. It’s like being stabbed through the chest all over again.

Fuck.