#I got a headache after uploading the last one so I had to lie down

[noussommeslessquelettes]

Oh fun! Things you said mini fic? 11 or 20?💕💕💕

MM OKAY SO! Ever since I first started writing kl fic I had this idea for a fake relationship AU. I never managed to complete the plot of it so it never got written, but I’ve always wanted to write one particular scene from it, and when I got this I jumped on the chance to write it!!!

Background on the fic: fake dating AU. Lance’s brother is getting married, and they’re out of town for a long weekend for the wedding. Hunk was invited, and with that Lance and him brought Keith and Pidge as their plus-ones.

When they get there, they find out that Keith and Lance’s exes were invited to the wedding too--what’s worse, they’re attending the wedding as a couple. Keith makes the executive decision that the both of them are going to fake date and be obnoxiously in love to make them jealous. Hijinks ensue, along with feelings, the latter of which are under the cut!

Send me a ship with one of these and I’ll write a mini fic

11. Things you said when you were drunk

Preview: Keith liked to think that the phrase had been better formed in his head, but what came out ended up being, “I thought vodka crans were a Sad Lance Drink.”

Lance huffed a humourless laugh. “Well, you’re lookin’ at a Sad Lance Lance, buddy.”

CW: drinking/drunkenness, (American) underage drinking, mentions of vomit

Keith had never imagined being a fake boyfriend to be more effort than being a real one had ever been. Then again, he’d been a bit foolish to assume that anything could be easy when it involved Lance McClain.

But because Lance’s family wasn’t privy to their little secret, it meant that when the wedding party lost the Nuisance of Honour, the immediate suggestion from Lance’s mother was that Keith, as Lance’s Real Boyfriend™, lead the charge on the search efforts. And come one A.M., it meant that Keith made the call to relieve the others of their duty, and to continue the search alone.

And yes, it might’ve been Keith’s decision to start this fake relationship in the first place. But it didn’t give Lance permission to go AWOL past midnight, on the night before the wedding, when the two of them had to wake up at fucking seven o’clock tomorrow. But the world didn’t trade in the currency of ‘should’s, and that’s why Keith was riding the elevator down to the front lobby at half-past one instead of sinking back into the plush sheets of the king-sized bed waiting for him 25, 26, now 27 floors above.

At this point, he was about ready to tell the concierge to phone the police about a missing person, then fuck off and go to bed. He indulged in the fantasy of shucking this mess off onto somebody else, as he stomped up towards the front desk—squinting his eyes to contend with the reflection of the chandelier against the counter’s polished brass. Turning his head askance as he passed the hotel bar—

Wait. He froze in his tracks. The bar.

It was so obvious he could’ve smacked himself—they’d checked the fucking pool in the first ten minutes of the search, and they didn’t think of the bar?!—but he focused what little energy he had left on diverting his path, moving close enough to peer past the glass into the darkened room, and locating the one patron perched alone on a barstool. He raised a glass in cheer towards the bartender, then knocked back a swig of the drink—far from his first, judging by how very nearly he toppled out of his seat.

“Fantastic,” Keith deadpanned under his breath as Lance managed to steady himself with a hand on the bartop, his laughter ringing out clear as a bell when Keith pushed through the glass door, shadows falling over him as he moved toward the counter. “Hey asshole,” he called out, holding his tongue past that to judge just how drunk Lance was, lest he waste a castigation on someone who’d not remember a word of it come morning.

Lance perked up at the appellation, spinning in the stool and hoisting his glass up once more. “Hey, babe! C’mere.” He set down the drink—thank god—and pat a hand on the stool next to him. “Join us—whatever y’order, ‘s on me.”

Keith bit down a groan—he’d been here all of five seconds, and already Lance’s behaviour was drawing looks from the other patrons, inscrutable in the dark, but undeniable all the same. He closed the distance between them, but refused the invitation, grabbing Lance’s elbow instead and giving a tug. “I’m not doing that—let’s go.”

“Wait, wait wait wait—” his other hand pumped a five-finger ‘stop’ that bumped against Keith’s chest. He laughed, then brought the hand up between them, curling his index finger to beckon Keith closer. When Keith didn’t oblige, he added a pull with the arm in Keith’s grip.

Keith sighed, leaning forward until their eyes matched, until the humidity of Lance’s vodka breath washed uncomfortably on his face. “What.”

“They didn’t card me,” he stage-whispered. He then failed to stifle a snort, and elbowed Keith away. “Guess that’s what ‘cha get with these bougie-ass places—don’t give a fuck as long as you’ve got the money to back it up!”

Keith folded his arms over his chest. “Please tell me you opened up a tab.”

Lance shrugged, reaching for his glass again. “Told ‘em to charge it to our room.”

He groaned—Sober Lance was definitely going to try and macgyver a way to pawn the bill off on Keith. But he supposed that was a problem for later, because in the moment Lance was tipping back the last of his current drink, slamming it down on the bartop with needless fervour, and waving the other hand to catch the bartender’s eye.

“Nope.” Keith reached out for his wrist and pulled the hand down. “You’ve had enough.” He looked up to the bartender, who cocked an eyebrow at him silently as Lance whined unintelligibly in his ear. “He’ll have a water.”

“Nooo…” Lance squirmed to get out of his grasp, only to reach back out for him as his ass slid off the stool. Keith caught him reflexively, arms wrapped around Lance’s waist, Lance with two hands fisted in the front of his shirt.

He brought his eyes up, nose brushing against Keith’s cheek with the act. Keith’s heart fluttered, a stammer building in his chest that ultimately turned into the word, “Okay.”

He hoisted Lance back up onto his perch. Once he was firmly seated, Keith crashed back onto the stool behind him—the one Lance had offered him initially—and eyed the bartender as they returned with a tall glass of water.

“And the vodka cran?” They asked.

“We’re good,” Keith dismissed immediately.

They moved on to the next customer with no further ado. It took Keith a split second to register what had been said, but when he did he turned to Lance, who now pointedly stared into the countertop, his smile fallen.

He liked to think that the phrase had been better formed in his head, but what came out ended up being, “I thought vodka crans were a Sad Lance Drink.”

Lance huffed a humourless laugh, reaching for the water. “Well, you’re lookin’ at a Sad Lance Lance, buddy.” His eyes slipped shut as he tipped back the glass, downing a third of it in one go.

Keith turned to rest an elbow on the table, his fingers drumming against the varnished wood. “So you came down here to drown your sorrows?”

Lance massaged his fingertips into his eyes. “What else ‘m I supposed to do?” He dropped the hand, looking straight ahead.

“Talk to someone? You usually love doing that.”

He made a sour face. “Don’t want to. I want to forget about it.”

Keith cocked an eyebrow. “And how’s that working out so far?”

“Honestly? Pretty good ‘til you showed up.”

Keith took it on the chin—it was no secret that their friendship wasn’t always on the best footing (that is, to anyone who wasn’t tricked into thinking they were in a relationship.) And while Lance usually wasn’t a belligerent drunk, he often got a little too truthful. Frankly, Keith had sort of suspected that Lance continued to harbour a little honest animosity towards him, despite the progress their relationship had undergone, and the unfortunate feelings Keith had developed in the process.

And he supposed he should accept responsibility for that, too. What kind of dumbass suggested to his crush that they pretend to date for the weekend of his brother’s wedding, just so they could make their respective exes jealous?

(The desperate kind, probably.)

“Well… then talk to me.” It was the best he could offer—because like hell he was leaving Lance drunk, depressed, and alone in a hotel bar. “I’m your boyfriend now, after all.”

“Fake boyfriend,” Lance amended pointedly.

Keith frowned—the whole weekend, they’d been calling each other their boyfriends tongue-in-cheek, even when they were alone. It was the first time Lance had expended the effort to correct him. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

“It’s—” He groaned, running his hands through his hair. “I’m way too drunk for this right now.”

“We’ve only got one more day,” he offered in consolation, “and we don’t have to do any couple shit if you don’t want to.”

“Mm-mm.” He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” He asked. Lance shrugged, taking another long swig of water. Keith huffed. “Lance, let’s go up—”

“Y’know why we started this in the first place? Like—” He gestured between the two of them. “Us—”

“I know—”

“Dating.” His hand hung in the open air, forgotten as his eyes went unfocused, lost in thought. After a moment, Keith reached out for his wrist, lowering it back down to Lance’s lap.

“I got it. We did it ‘cause… well, to get back at our exes.”

Lance snapped his fingers, grinning. “Exactly! Look at you, smarty pants, ‘n here I thought Hunk and Pidge were supposed to be the geniuses.”

Keith rolled his eyes, nudging the water back towards him. “Focus up, Lance; what about it?”

Lance polished it off, pushing it away so he could rest his elbows on the tabletop. “Guess it leaves me as the only dumb one.”

“Not—” He groaned. “Don’t start with that shit. I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” he murmured, the brief smile slipping off his face. “I’m not that dumb, Keith. Look, we were trying to make Nyma ‘n Rolo jealous, but we failed. They’re still happy, and in love, and they think that we’re happy and in love.”

Keith nodded. “Okay..?”

“But I’m not happy.” His voice started to waver as his volume control went to the wayside. He pushed off the bar to face Keith, a desperate kind of sadness shimmering in the corners of his eyes. “We’re not in love.”

Keith took that on the chin too, though it was noticeably harder to bear. Lance is the drunk one right now, not you, he told himself. Don’t say anything that you’ll both regret. He swallowed whatever protest he’d had down, and nodded for Lance to continue.

“I want to be,” he spoke it softly, like a confession. “I want to be so bad.”

“It’s not enough to want it,” Keith admitted. He knew it all too well.

Lance sniffed, wiping at his eyes. “And it’s not enough to pretend. But it’s nice for a while, at least.” Keith offered a wry smile, and Lance’s gaze slipped to the floor again. “I don’t know, it’s hard. The two of them are, like… you can tell. It’s like they were made for each other. No one’s ever felt that way about me.”

Swallow it down. Keith reached out a hand, placing it on Lance��s knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I knew all along Nyma didn’t love me, even though I did.” He covered the back of Keith’s hand under his palm, holding it there.

“I’m sorry, Lance.” He’d had no idea that Lance had been so serious about Nyma. For his part, he’d never once believed he was in love with Rolo. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have suggested—”

“It’s okay. It was stupid for me to pretend that it was real.” He sighed, threading their fingers together clumsily. “But it felt real, sometimes.”

“I know,” he lied. It felt like the right thing to say—and besides, what would Lance even care in his state?

“It felt real with you sometimes, too.”

Keith’s breath caught, his fingers twitching in Lance’s grasp. He’s drunk, he reminded himself. He’s drunk; he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He eased the tension in his body with a deep breath. “It’s not stupid, Lance. You… you care so much. You have so much love to give, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share it—and you do; you share it with your family, and with your friends. And I guess sometimes, you share it with the people who don’t appreciate it.”

“And it sucks.”

Keith nodded. “I know.” And this time, it was the truth. “But one day, you’re going to find someone who’s stupid in love with you too—someone who’s never going to let you think otherwise.”

Lance scoffed. “Right.”

“I mean it. You’re worth a love worth fighting for, Lance, and you’re going to find it. And when you do, you’ll be the boyfriend of the luckiest person in the world.”

Lance smiled softly. “You’re only saying that ‘cause I’m drunk.”

“Well, I wouldn’t need to convince you to come to bed if you were sober,” he admitted. “But I still mean it.”

“Thanks,” he breathed. “Y’know, whatever guy manages to finally lands you’s going to be one lucky bastard, too.”

Keith sighed. “We’ll see about that.”

“You’re a pretty awesome fake boyfriend, ‘n I bet you’re an even better real one.”

He slid off the stool, wrapping an arm around Lance’s waist. “Well regardless, I’m about to be one hell of a great friend, and drag your sorry ass back to our hotel room.”

Lance hummed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Keith’s shoulders and leaning into him. “I want a piggyback.”

“No chance.” He tugged Lance to his feet, bracing himself when his weight inevitably slouched into him.

“Stop, stop—hanggon,” he slurred, his head slumping. “Guh, dizzy…”

Keith stilled, tapping his foot impatiently. “Have you hurled yet?”

“Mm-mm.” Lance took a step forward, and Keith took the charge onward once more.

Keith rolled his eyes—Lance was so lucky his fake boyfriend happened to be real in love with him. Keith, on the other hand, would have the misfortune of needing to watch his crush hopefully not choke on his own vomit for the next six hours. “How many drinks did you have?”

“No clue, ‘m too gay to count.” He giggled, then whispered, “Don’t tell my mommy, Keith.”

“What, that you’re gay, that you’re drunk, or that you can’t do math?”

“None. Be like… the KGB.”

“Okay, Lance.” He pushed through the glass door with a toe, marching them through before it swung back on them.

“The Keith Gay… Butts.” He dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Keith’s not proud of the laugh he had to stifle, too. “Oh, you’re so lucky I don’t have the hands to dial Pidge right now.”

“What can I say, I’m a lucky guy! Who needs a real boyfriend, anyway? I’ve already got a fake one with a cute butt who takes care of me.”

Keith typed up their floor number on the touchscreen by the elevator door. “God, you’re going to be so hungover tomorrow.”

“D’you got Advil?” Keith shook his head. “We’ll go to Marco’s room—his wife’s usually got some.”

The elevator bell rang, doors opening up for them, and he pulled Lance in. “You think you can act sober enough to face your brother?”

“Pshh, oh yeah, I got this.”

He pushed off of Keith, staggering a bit but ultimately gaining his footing. Then the elevator lurched into motion and he stumbled. Keith was ready to catch him the moment he did, Lance steadying himself with hands on his shoulders. Once stable, they brought their eyes up as one, and dissolved into a short fit of laughter.

When it eased, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s neck, squeezing him close. “Sorry for being sloppy.”

Keith shook his head, returning the embrace. “Don’t be; you’ve held my hair back enough times to earn it.”

“Then thanks,” he said. “For being a good boyfriend.”

He twisted his fingers in the hem of Lance’s shirt. “Anytime.”

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened up.

[lovelysugawara]

Love me Again

Kuroo X Reader Fanfiction//

**y/a = Kuroo Hinari (sorry I don’t use Y/N, i just made up names) **grammatical errors ahead, sorry guys** plot: you and Kuroo are married, but your husband turns cold over you, because of an incident a year ago. Will he once again love you back??? Cont...

Part 6

*Hina’s POV*

I applied makeup as much as possible to hide my already swelling eyes. It covers my eyes right? They won’t notice it right?

I’m fixing my clothes, facing myself in the mirror. I tried to smile, practicing how to push away the sad feeling how messed I am tonight. 

Should I go back?

Or should I go home? But what to tell Tetsu later? I had a stomach ache? I had a headache? List of possible excuses are flashing in my mind. But what will our classmates think of me? 

Sigh.

I should go back. Yes, gotta face them, be brave Hina!

As I opened the bathroom door, I saw Kenma waiting outside.

“Yo!” Kenma said as he waves a little.

I smiled at him, like he can understand how messed I am right now.

We walked in silence and he didn’t ask me anything. I probably won’t answer either. Because I know I’ll cry. 

As we approach the dining area, Kenma suddenly stops and so am I.

“You really want to go back? We can stay outside, I feel stuffy inside. I ate crowds.” he said as he keeps on scrolling on his phone.

Actually, I do hate crowds too. And I hate it even more after what happened. 

“I guess I hate crowds too.” I said.

He smiles and we turn our heels and go outside the house.

***

“I got you a beer.” Kenma handed me a can and we both sat on the hood of his red ferrari 488 pista.

“Thanks. By the way, nice car.” i can’t help but admire how sleek the design is. 

“Ah hmn.”

We fell silent once again. It’s like we both don’t want to talk.

Being silent like this, makes my mind wander.

Should I talk about it to Kenma? 

I fidget my hands while holding my beer. I haven't liked the taste of beer ever since but now, it’s like a sweet soda that I can drink until the last drop.

I’m a mess.

“You can talk.” I suddenly stop thinking after Kenma says those words.

“I’ll listen, and no one can hear you here.” 

My tears suddenly swell once again. Fat tears fall from my eyes until to the ground. 

I didn’t know that a single sentence like that can bring me to tears. 

Kenma takes away the beer in can that I'm gripping, I almost forgot that I'm holding it.

I just realized how heavy my heart is. 

And then this suddenly hits me hard, the worst feeling is feeling unwanted by the person you want the most. 

“Tetsu must hate me. He doesn’t love me anymore. It’s so hard how to handle these feelings. I’m so hurt that I wanted to just run away and never come back.” I can barely say the words, I keep on crying, my tears won’t stop. 

It’s breaking my heart. 

“Every night I always pray that Tetsu will come back to his usual self, but days passed and he’s becoming more cold to me.” I keep on talking despite not knowing if Kenma understands me.

“When he’s saying those words, I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, while it was actually breaking me.”

Kenma didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

As I continued to cry and as the hurt feeling started to calm down, he tuck away his phone and sighed.

“Is this one of those times when you want to lie to protect your emotions? Coz I always did that.” 

I looked at Kenma who was looking straight ahead. 

“Remember the girl I told you before?”

I tried to answer him, but my voice failed due to my excessive crying, so I just nodded.

“I saw her again.” he said.

That’s new, Kenma telling me about the girl he likes way back in high school.

He didn’t pursue her because one of his friends likes her too and he doesn’t want to be in between. 

He just moved on.

But we both know he didn’t.

Kenma still likes her. And no one knows who she is.

“I thought she’s happy and having the best time of her life, she’s so precious that’s why she deserves all the good things in the world. But then one day, I saw her crying.” Kenma shifted and stands straight.

He sighs.

“I tried to keep calm, you know. But I got to hide this feeling, that I wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay. But that shouldn't be me. It should be her husband.”

He then looks at me straight in my eyes.

So, she’s married?

“You know, seeing her marry the love of her life is like losing the best thing that has ever happened to me. But of course it’s my fault in the first place. I let my friend win her. All I did is to accept that I will never have her forever. It’s like accepting that I’m heartbroken and forever wanting her.”

He smiles as he says the last sentence. That friend must be important to him. 

I looked down to my hands and I just realized I already stopped crying.

“Don’t get me wrong, I know you’re hurt and I can’t compare that to mine. All I want for you is to accept the feeling that you are hurt. In that, you’ll know what to do and how to handle it. My friend is a bit stupid, but please don’t give up on him.” he once again look at me and he patted my shoulder.

“Want your beer back?” he said as he grabbed it and gave it to me.

“Y-yeah, thank you.” 

I once again tasted the awful liquor, and now I didn't appreciate it. 

“Thank you Kenma, I guess I let my emotions get ahead of me. It’s just too much. But I’ll try my best not to give up on him.” I smiled.

I look up, and see the clear sky. Kenma laughs a little.”

“Why?” I asked him.

“I’m relieved. You finally smile.” he looked at me, and smiled the sweetest.

***

After that night, we finally went home.

It’s a dead silence the whole time me and Tetsu drive home.

I’m just looking outside the car window, and I just don’t want to talk.

I feel kind of lost because I told Kenma I won't give up, but I’m still not willing to talk to Tetsu about my feelings.

I’m still afraid that he might get mad.

“Hey, Hina.” 

I’m shocked after hearing my name, it’s been awhile since he called me like that.

“Y-yeah?” 

“Are you busy next week?.”

Next week? Wait, is he asking me that because he remembers my birthday?

“I don’t have any orders for now, so I guess I’m free. W-why? Are we going somewhere?” I excitedly asked him, my heart is skipping a beat. Are we going out of town? I feel so excited.

It’s been awhile since we went on dates. Plus it’s my birthday, we always go out or celebrate it somewhere. I don’t know but I’m happy.

“I’ll need you to fix my things, I’ll be very busy next week. I won’t be home and I might stay for days at the office.”

Oh.

So that's it. Not my birthday huh?

And he will be very busy. 

Okay then. “Sure, I’ll prepare your things.”

I didn’t talk again. And I saw him looking at me. But I didn’t look back.

When we arrived, Tetsu didn’t go up with me to our bed room, he go straight to the our bar and drink a little bit I guess. 

I just hope he didn’t get a hangover tomorrow.

After I showered, I’m shocked to see him sitting on the bed, shirtless and looking at me while holding a glass of brandy. I have to admit, it’s been a while since I saw him half-naked. I swallowed a lot.

“Why are you still awake?” I asked him as I walked to my cabinet and started to brush my hair.

“I’m waiting for you.” he walks towards me after putting the glass on the bedside table.

Waiting for me?

He’s flushed. Is he drunk?

“Why, do you want me to get you something? Another beer perhaps?” I’m so used to him asking me to get something all this time.

But I’m surprised when his hands touch both of my shoulders and softly massaging it. 

He leaned down, and kissed my head.

He then whispers in my ear, “It’s been awhile, right?” 

My heart beats really fast and loud.

Are we gonna do it?

He then proceeds on kissing my neck.

“Hmmn, Tetsu.” I can’t help it, his every kiss and his every touch sends electricity to my whole body. 

How many months since we last did it? 

I didn’t waste time, and I faced him and he kissed me.

That kiss was so deep, I almost forgot how to breath. 

I’m glad that I didn’t wear anything under my robe. He can do whatever he wants, he’s my husband and I’m wife after all.

After that deep kiss, my back was already touching the bed. And he’s on top of me.

My body is already exposed to him, and he’s looking at me intently. 

I suddenly felt shy and conscious that I covered myself with my hands.

“Don’t stare too much.”

“Why?”

I just close my eyes, I’m so embarrassed.

“Look at me, Hina.”

I open my eyes little by little to see how serious his eyes are.

“You’re very beautiful. And I want to make love with you tonight.”

Is this the effect of how drunk he is?

I don’t know what to feel, but it’s my duty as his wife.

And I really love him so much.

“I miss you, Tetsu.” 

I put both of my hands on his shoulders and kissed him.

And he kissed me back.

That night, I gave myself to the person I really love the most. 

**A/N updates every FRIDAY..**

I can’t really upload a longer chapter because of the black out here, but I hope you guys enjoy my writing. Thank you.

[deberiaestarescribiendo]

Saint Jude's Miracle: A Javier Peña x OFC (Isa) Fanfic (Chapter II)

Summary: Chapter two is a little plot heavier than Chapter 1. Javier wakes up the next morning after the raid he had attended as a consultant for the DEA and the questions he avoided during the night are still very much unanswered and Isa, his wife, needs to know more about what’s going on. The second part of the chapter is in the past so we get to know how Javi got to be a consultant and how this affect his family life.

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Domestic Javi!, fluff, implied sexy times. Spanish and thoughts in cursive, translations are between parenthesis right after the dialogue line.

A/N: Hey, thanks to everybody that liked and reblogued. I was a bit weary of uploading this ‘cos this fic feels more like a characters study than any other thing. I’m just fascinated by Javi, from this chapter plot will move faster. S.

Chapter 1

Double life

"Daddy, wake up" Elvira grabs her father's arm that rests languidly at the side of the bed and shakes it until he answers:

“Morning" his face smashed against the pillows and his brown hair disheveled

"Good morning" she kisses him on the cheek and stays really close to his face, still pretty much asleep Javi starts snorting softly again “Daddy wake up!”

"You're hungry?" Javier clears his throat and opens widely his eyes as to convince his body that it has to get up. Elvi grins at him, with those honey eyes and that crooked smile she is the cutest creature on earth.

"You lost another one" he points at her mouth

"Yeah, yesterday, it was moving really funny so mami convinced me to get it out. I didn't even cry!" She tells proudly

"Such a strong girl! Let's get you a good breakfast then, what do you want?"

She smirks devilish and looks over Javier’s shoulder to make sure her mother doesn’t hear, but she finds her laying on bed completely naked and she seems puzzled for a second

"Why is mummy naked?"

"Oh" Javier pushes the covers over Isa that sleeps soundly. "You want those sugary things...the captain..."

"Cap’n Crunch!" Elvira raises her small arms excited

"Yeah, let's get those"

Javier adjusts his underwear under the sheets making sure everything is in place and gets out of bed. He lifts Elvira to his chest while she giggles.

"I love you, daddy" she holds his face on his little hands and he thinks his heart is about to explode.

"I love you too" Javier kisses her forehead, resting his child's head on his just for a second. He feels how the tangles around his heart become undone with her small, warm body against his. Everything seems kinder, happier, like if all of the sudden sunshine had pierced him deep inside where he hid his fears, regrets and pain.

He smells her hair for a second and then leaves her gently on the ground

"Let's eat"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The light between the curtains is like a knife to her eyes even under the covers. Her body is exhausted, her muscles relaxed and unwilling to cooperate to get her up. Isabel had heard her daughter’s laughter but thought that Javier could handle the situation and make up for the time he had expend who knows where the day before.

She doesn’t complain about being busy all the time with Elvira, she actually really likes it and is dreading the moment when summer will be over and she’ll have to spend the day alone with Elvi being at school. But every day she finishes the daily routines tired and instantly falling asleep when she goes to bed, after juggling between doing the chores and entertaining her daughter. It has been months since Javier’s head was elsewhere.

Knowing she is not gaining any more sleep, she gets up. The heat of Texas comes through the glass windows and she feels that even as naked as she is she could melt.

Isa puts on one of the big, old, soft t-shirts that Javier rarely uses and a pair of his shorts. Wearing his clothes, with his scent still lingering on them, is one small solace she finds when he’s away. She takes her nightgown and panties and throws them in the laundry bin, seeing Javier‘s clothes from last night, she grabs them and inspects the pockets before throwing it with the rest of clothes. She finds a few coins, a pen and a half emptied Marlboro packet that she squeezes on her hand. Maldito veneno (Damned poison)

At the kitchen table, Elvira is telling every single detail of her pool day at the neighbor’s house that Javier had missed. When Isa arrives, she hugs her daughter from behind and kisses her head before grabbing a cup of coffee from the kitchen counter.

"Look, daddy prepared breakfast" she says stuffing her mouth with those multicolored cereals.

"Oh, I see, he grabbed a bowl, poured the cereal and the milk and voilà." She kneels beside her but is smiling directly at Javier. “Daddy of the year” she raises her cup and Javi smacks his lips but says nothing.

"No me diste los buenos días, princesa" (You didn’t say good morning to me, princess) Isabel holds Elvira’s hair and starts to untangle her mane with her fingers.

"Buenos días, mami" she kisses her leaving a sticky mark on her skin.

"After that you will eat a piece of fruit, me oiste?"

"Sí" she smiles engulfing another full spoon too big for her little mouth .

"And I don't get a good morning?" Javier adds looking at his wife over the cup of black coffee.

Isabel walks slowly towards him and brushes her lips on his forehead. She opens her right hand in front of him, the Marlboro packet squished inside.

"Morning"

With a dramatic gesture, she opens the trash can and throws the plastic packet angrily. Javi observes her but says nothing.

"You're mad at daddy?" Elvira asks looking between the two her little face concerned.

"A little" Isa responds

"Why?" Her little voice breaks

"I misbehaved. I didn't listen to your mother" Javier answers and pinches his kid chubby cheek softly “That’s why you have to listen to her always”

"Have you apologized?" Elvira leaves the bowl aside as to fully focus on this pressing matter and crosses her arms over the table

"I have, many times" Javier faces his wife with a smirk

"Twice" she clarifies “and they're not enough"

"Never" Javier sips coffee from his cup and winks at his wife. Elvira looks at them confused.

"Mami if he has apologized I think you have to forgive him"

“Yeah, I guess I have to" Isabel takes a sit at Javier's right side and holds his hand on hers. The simple golden ring in both their hands makes her feel a pinch on her heart, she was so young and so scared when they got married not knowing what she could expect from him and, and on top of that, having a newborn baby that demanded all her attention.

Now, 6 years later she can even begin to express how fiercely she loves her daughter and how all the sacrifices she made were all worthy for her beautiful baby.

Javier is another thing. Sometimes she thinks of him as the sea, something you can see, touch and be submerged in, but in the end there is a depth you are not able to understand. There are things that lie on the bottom of his heart and mind that she is not welcome to visit. And she loves him, and has an ardent passion and need for him but she feels as if he’s slipping through her fingers every time she tries to hold him.

"Can I finish breakfast watching TV, please?" Elvi’s question gets Isa out of her thoughts.

"Yes, but grab an apple"

The little girl jumps out of her chair already chanting some song she knows from her favorite cartoon show.

"So what was the operation that you had last night?"

Isa usually asks him about his job every morning and Javi always answers briefly without many details, mainly because he is not that interested but when he decided to counsel for the police, she started to insist more, trying to calm her worries, but Isabel grows more and more anxious with his vague answers. She had met him after leaving the DEA, and though he hadn’t told her about his life in Colombia, she knows that Javi was a broken man, lost in dark memories. In those six years of marriage he had been better, he was still the same, but he smiled more, was kinder, more open. But the shadow of his old self lurks through the house and Isa feels how her anxiety twists her stomach watching his husband crumble before her eyes.

"There were a few trucks passing the borders, they suspected they were hiding drugs” he finished his coffee and casually eats cereal from the box

"Why on earth would you be there at the moment they caught the transport? I mean, why were you on the raid?"

"You’re asking if I was ever in danger. The answer is no, I'm here, am I not?" Javi took her hand that still holds him and kisses her knuckles.

"Yes, you are, but my question is..."

"But" he sighs

"You're smoking again; you are not sleeping quite right. You think I haven't noticed? What is going on?"

"I'm fine"

"You're stressed"

"I said I'm fine"

"Then why are you back to the old habits?"

"You really are going to just drink a coffee for breakfast?"

"Don't change the conversation, Peña"

"Look, there's nothing to worry about. I was just there to help them out since I’m experienced” he turns the chair closer to her and poses his hands over her knees softly caressing her with the pads of his fingers “But everything is fine”

"Alright" she concedes "so is it done? The operation?" She looks at him from under her eyelashes

"I don't know, maybe they need me a few more times"

She’s about to say something when he presses his lips against hers and gets up saying "I'm going to see if I can repair the AC, it's fucking hot in here"

"Language" Isa says before he leaves the kitchen.

She finishes the coffee her gaze fixed on the trash can where she has thrown the cigarettes. Too nervous to eat anything she starts cleaning up the kitchen. The lasagna from last night still intact on the counter, the repetitive songs on the TV is loud and she feels the headache coming.

“Elvi turn it down, please!” The girl ignores her the first time, and a second...and a third time.

“¡Elvira Peña, baja la tele ahora mismo!” (Elvira Peña, turn down the TV right now!) She screams coming to the living room.

The kid pouts and turns it down looking angrily at her; the apple she took is still intact by her side “And eat your fruit!”

Gosh, this is what I’ve become, the annoying wife and the tiring mum

Javier doesn’t know many things, but one thing that is always true is that shit follows him like a dog after a bone at every step of his life. After all the chaos that occurred with Cali and him leaving the DEA, he had spent a few month with Chucho back in Laredo. But soon enough, the atmosphere grew thicker consuming the air in his lungs and he woke up every day sweating and out of breath. Dreams of blood were leaking from the darkest parts of his memory polluting his nights.

“Mijo, ¿qué pasó allá?” (Son, what happened there?)his father asked every time and he found himself out of words. Not because he hadn’t them in him, but out of fear that if he began speaking the words would choke him and the disappointment he’d see on his father’s eyes. If they only knew he thought. If they only knew the things I did.

So after a time, he had to leave home again. It was better for both of them to be parted. Javier found the most boring job out there with his skills: Consulting companies that imported and exported things from Latin America. He translated documents, made calls in Spanish, and basically died a little every day in an office job, with bad coffee from a machine and many cigarettes each day to cope with the absolute weariness.

But again, shit followed him. StarsTextile Exports INC, nothing more than a normal company that passed, apparently, textile goods from South America to the US but you just had to dig a little to see the shady numbers they managed, a tangled list of companies’ names and banks in various tax havens. When he untangled all that mess what was left was a clear link to the biggest Cartel in Mexico. Shit. He even thought for a moment to let it pass, to just turn a blind eye like everybody did. But after many sleepless nights, he made the call.

“Agent Murphy”

“Hi, Steve, it’s Javier” he said softly suddenly feeling a little embarrassed of the time that had passed without calling his friend.

“Jav?!” Steve exclaimed “it’s been a long time...H-h-ow are you?”

“Fine, fine, you?”

“Great, I’m in Miami. But why you call me at the office? You alright?” he asked with a concerned tone.

“Yeah, it’s...well, maybe it’s nothing. But I need you to take a look at something”

“What exactly do you want me to check?”

“Some documents, I’ll send them to you”

“Great. Where are you now? Still at your pops?”

“No, well. I’m in Texas but I live with my wife.”

“Wait! what! you said wife?!” he exclaimed

“Yeah, yeah. Long story”

Javier had to hear his old college laugh for a good five minutes before he could say another word.

“I need to meet her. Gosh, I can’t believe it. Connie is gonna die when I tell her”

“Yeah...”

“Listen, I know you didn’t want to talk about you getting out and everything but I’d love to talk if you want. You know that...”

“I’ll send the documents right away, okay? You can call me at this number whenever you have any conclusion” he interrupted.

“Alright, Javi. It’s good to know from you. I’ll check those out”

Immediately after hanging up the phone, Javier felt like shit. He hadn’t contacted Steve, a good friend, in a long time. He knows his big out of the DEA would be a matter of a long conversation with him, a conversation he doesn’t want to have as he doesn’t want to tell all that to Chucho or Isa. Those days were gone, that crap was far away, he repeats to himself knowing that his memories have dark claws that hang on him like his shadow, reopening wounds he thought were healed.

After that brief phonecall, more followed. Steve and Javi found a perfect hour to talk when both Connie and Olivia and Isa and Elvi were asleep. They chatted about the documents, clearly there was something weird and Steve, though he could not confide anything to a former agent, agreed to disclosure tiny details. The DEA was behind StarsTextile Exports from months, but anytime they came close, they would hide again with dubious moves like changing company names, CEO’s and corporate headquarters.

“I see your instinct is still intact, Jav. You should still be with us” lamented Steve in one of their midnight conversations

“Yeah...but what can we do? nothing” Javi huffed

“We’ll see, I keep you informed”

“Yeah, thanks” he agreed but a little voice inside him replied why do you care? why do you still care?

“So, can you tell me about your wife? Connie keeps asking me for more information” Steve asked

“Her name is Isabel. She’s younger than me”

“Nice! Is she pretty?” the agent jested

“She is. We met at a bar; she was bartending for the summer while she was off college. I had just arrived after Cali” he explained

“She must be quite special. I mean, Jav...you left another at the altar” Steve replied shyly

“Well, that was another time and yes, she is...she is...a good woman and a good mother” Javi lay down on the sofa and turned his face towards the aisle, he could see the dim light of Isa’s nightstand lamp still on. She was always waiting for him to come to bed.

“How long did you wait to have the kid?”

“We didn’t. She got pregnant unexpectedly and then we got married” Javi sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh! I don’t want to be indiscreet, but that’s why you married her?” Steve muttered

“Kinda, but as I said she’s an amazing woman”

“Are you happy?” Steve cut him

“What is this? Are you my therapist now?” Javi chuckled

“No! no! just Connie, well, Connie and I, we worried, we wanted to know if things were okay with you. It’s been a long time, Javi, and the things we saw... well, we’ve been through some shit”

“I’m fine” his voice cracked, the more he said those words the less meaning they got

“Fine, God, Javi Peña, a family man, I still can’t believe it”

Javi smiled

“Yeah me too”

“But it’s nice, it keeps you grounded. Now you have a place to come back”

“Right...”

And also thousands of questions, expectations, and nowhere to hide when all I want to do is be alone, he thought but didn’t say another word.

“It’s late and I don’t want to wake up the girls” he said before biding goodbye to Steve and promising to keep in touch.

A week after that conversation, Steve told him about the operation that the DEA was preparing at the frontier near Laredo. And last night, he rejoined the agents just as a consultant. But again shit followed him and they asked him to be present and advice in case they needed him.

Even though he was far up on a hill with a few other agents waiting for the transport to arrive, he heard clearly the gunshots and they left him with a terrible headache and a familiar yet horrible ring in his ears. He felt his heart beating hard and fast inside his chest. The rush, the thrill and the fear all very well-known to the old Javier and he could sense a part of him suddenly awake, begging for more, the tingling sensation on his muscles that he was doing what he was made for. It scared him. He had decided that he was through it all. He could not be back, but there he was, lecturing those agents, finding evidences where they looked clueless. He was made for this, and though he didn’t like the praise, he hadn’t felt as good about himself until that night.

But the DEA asked for more, always does. He had given them his all and they paid him with lies. But again he said yes to keep on going with this partnership and teach the field agents and give some advice on how you take down a cartel. Like if we actually won the war on drugs, like if we actually made things better

With all these, he kept Isa in the dark, giving just vague answers about who call him late at night and about what was going on at his job.

The look in her amber colored eyes breaks his heart with each lie he tells her. She had met a broken man in Laredo many summers ago, he never said anything really specific about his time in Colombia, but Isa was perceptive enough to see his cracks and shadows and everything he wanted to hide. She had lighted his life like a timid candle in the night, opening the darkest rooms of his mind and inundating them with her presence and comfort and domestic life.

There was no space for the old Javi, always running and burying his demons in alcohol, sex and cigarettes, in this new reality there were bills to pay, school supplies, family duties and morning conversations.

And at that moment, “family guy” Javi and the “ex-DEA but again working for the DEA” Javi were battling inside his mind making him feel like he was living a double life.

Half of him wishes to stay, go to the pool with Elvi, Sundays at his father’s house and hold Isa tight every night; but there again, the air grows thicker, the days are long and he misses the rush, the thrill, the only way of life he had known for so long.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

baby you’re like lightning in a bottle (chapter three)

Sorry it’s been so long since I updated! Teaching during cover times doesn’t leave much time for fic writing. Thanks as always to my amazing betas who keep me motivated @spiky-lesbian​ and @minky-for-short​

Please reblog and leave a comment on Ao3 if you’d like to support my writing!

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Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Peter Nureyev is stuck undercover in Oldtown High for a week longer than planned. Another week of boring lessons, feeling the pressure of an entire panel’s freedom on his shoulders and having to deal with his growing attraction to one Juno Steel...

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After one lesson of Earth History, Peter found himself glad that he wouldn’t be taking any real examinations at this school. How a teacher could make the home planet of their entire species, the epicentre of their system spanning civilisation, now half ravaged by millenia of pollution and half the playground of the galaxy’s richest trillionaires, sound painfully dull, he didn’t know. But between a teacher that napped in between paragraphs of his monotone lectures and textbooks that were illegible behind layers of graffiti older than the students, they had managed it. Mag’s lessons had been nothing like this.

And it didn’t help that someone up there had decided to really screw with him. In between taking long sips from a coffee cup that definitely didn’t have coffee in it, the teacher sat this new kid in the only available empty chair. Right next to Juno Steel.

If the look on his face was anything to go by, Peter’s new friend wasn’t happy about it either. He was scowling so hard throughout the whole lesson, it was a wonder he didn’t have wrinkles at eighteen. Peter felt every blistering wave of hostility, whenever he dared do so much as breathe, shift his pen, edge his elbow even a centimeter closer to Juno’s.

And the cherry on the top of this almost unbearably painful hour of mind numbing, pointless fact retention and being stared down by a set of suspicious, angry eyes was the part of Peter’s mind still just stuck on how attractive Juno was.

Sometimes Peter wished he could reach into his own body, stuff his hormones into a very cramped box, lock it in chains and throw away the key.

But finally an ear splitting bell rang out and the students lurched to their feet with a communal groan of relief, not waiting for any kind of dismissal. Peter sweeped his notebook and pen into his rucksack, grateful to finally be able to get his mission over with and get off this planet with it’s suffocating schools and confusingly hot kids his age who hated him. Then he could remind himself that he was a thief with a cause and no other concerns beyond that cause.

Certainly not soft golden brown eyes and painted pink lips that still had dried blood smudged on them and hands that he bet would be soft underneath the split knuckles and calluses.

Peter stamped down hard on that thought, reminding himself of one of Mag’s more joking rules that he hadn’t taken seriously until now.

First rule of thieving, a pretty face is the most dangerous thing in the whole damn universe.

Nureyev made as swift an exit as he could manage, made easier by the fact that the hundreds of other kids in Oldtown High were as eager to get to the doors as he was. As he lost himself in the crowd filing down the stairways, he went over the plan.

He would go to the apartment Mag had acquired for him under the name of Peter Ransom’s non-existent father, go over his tools until dark fell and then come back to the school once the coast was clear. From there it would be easy. Break into the principal’s office, find the incriminating files on his computer, the ones that proved the school was being used to launder money by corrupt government officials, upload the malware that would snatch the files and carry them back to Mag on Brahma. Then call him and hear the pride in his voice after Peter announced his first off planet, solo mission had been a complete and total success.

Then leave and never feel the ever present dust of this damn planet on his skin ever again.

Peter’s imagined elation at the thought of it lasted until he walked out of the doors. At first the bright sun, unfiltered by any atmosphere, was all he could see but once he adjusted, he saw the line of vans parked on the front courtyard of the school. The ones with a large, garish cartoon of a giant bug on its back with crosses for eyes all plastered on the sides.

And the second he took to stop and consider this was all it took.

“Ransom! There you are!”

Peter jumped and turned to see Ben just skidding to a halt next to him, his face still split into the wide grin that was starting to seem like his trademark. And, of course, slouching and scowling behind him, his brother.

Dredging up Ransom’s innocent, grateful smile at seeing his friends was hard in that moment but he managed, “Hi! Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be looking for me…”

“Just wanted to say bye!” Ben grinned, bouncing slightly even as he stood in place like he just couldn’t help it, “Unless you walk our way? We’re going over in that direction.” He pointed hopefully, off towards where most of the cheap housing was in this part of the city, apparently immune to the exasperated glare from his twin.

Mercifully, Nureyev didn’t have to lie, “No, sorry. I live above one of the stores off main street. Other end of Oldtown.”

“Aw,” Ben’s disappointment was disarmingly genuine, so much that Nureyev felt a genuine pinch of regret, “We’ll see you tomorrow though!”

“Yeah!” now that lie felt strangely uncomfortable on his tongue, the regret not shifting, “Um...what are those vans, sorry? Just wondering.”

Ben looked over at them, “Oh! Right, you missed morning announcements. The school’s got a hell of a bad rat problem, they’re all in the walls. So the exterminators are locking the school down overnight, flooding the place with gas and trying to get them under control. Must be a hell of a job, they’re gonna be doing it for the rest of the week. ”

Nureyev’s stomach sank to the bottom of his shoes, “Wait...overnight? You mean all night? Every night? For a week?”

“Yeah,” Ben cocked his head, a little confused at his reaction, “Don’t worry, the rats don’t come out during the day. Good thing too, with those six eyes and teeth the length of your arm, they’d pick off the freshmen for lunch.”

Nureyev shook himself, realising he was behaving like an ameture, “They, ah...they don’t get that big on Brahma…”

“Welcome to Mars,” Juno grunted, scuffing the toe of his boot against the step.

Nureyev sleep walked through their goodbyes, letting his feet trace the already memorised route between the school and the apartment, not knowing what else to do. He couldn’t get into the school for a week without choking on rat poison.

So he was stranded. With nothing to do but attend high school. He could have screamed.

Remember the first rule.

Peter carried those words as he walked to school the next morning, feeling them the way a necklace that was just a little too big would rest lightly against his chest. Not a weight but noticeable. Enough that he couldn’t put it from his mind.

It was all the reply he’d gotten from Mag after he’d made his first nightly report, updating him on the disappointing turn of events last afternoon. The only way he could message his mentor without any kind of traceable risk was through the burner comms he’d been sent to Mars with, an old, clunky model that could only send the most basic text signals, no more detail than was absolutely necessary. Short messages were harder to track, especially across so much empty space.

He knew that but, still, it hadn’t been an awful lot of comfort, only getting a handful of words printed in eye aching green on the too small screen as he’d sat alone in the barren apartment on his thin fold out bed. He’d tried to read them with Mag’s gruff, friendly voice in his mind but it wasn’t the same and Peter had fallen asleep with the same bitter, disappointed hollow in his chest that had opened up when he’d realised he wouldn’t be going home for far longer than he’d imagined.

But this morning he’d called himself a childish fool and reminded himself why he was here. No matter what it took, Peter Nureyev would do the job he’d been sent to do. Would his father have spent an unprofitable evening sulking because the cause had asked for a few more days? Would Mag?

So he’d shouldered his bag, checked his disguise twice over in the mirror and set off for Oldtown High with those words carried in his heart. He hadn’t needed to ask which rule the message had been talking about, it was the one Mag had repeated the most, the one Peter struggled with more than any other.

First rule of thieving, be patient.

Hyperion City never seemed to slow down. It was the same in Brahma’s capital but there was still something staggering about seeing the same busyness, the relentlessness, the noise played out with hundreds, maybe even thousands more people than could even fit on the whole of his tiny home planet. The air was already thick with sharp tastes of smoke, the roads crammed with cars, raised voices echoing on the streets from open apartment windows and shop doors as Peter walked to school at only eight in the morning. Past the slight shimmer of the dome miles above his head, the sun was already baking the city, red dust moving past his legs with every gust of wind. It was going to be a cloudless day, one that smelled of hot sand and the reek of a city.

Before long, his glasses were smudged, his shirt was stuck to his back and he had a headache. Clearly the main streets weren’t the best way to get to school, even if they were the most direct route. Consulting the map of Oldtown firmly embedded in his memory, Peter cut down one side street and then another to reach the network of back alleyways, wanting at least a few buildings between himself and the relentless honking, smog and cursing that was apparently a feature of the early morning Hyperion commute. He’d take any scrap of peace he could get right now, even if it meant hopping fences and skirting piles of choking garbage to get it.

Be patient. Be patient. Be patient.

He repeated it to himself again and again, making it a command. It absorbed his thoughts so completely, the way things tended to do when he focused all his attention on them, that he didn’t see the figure walking through the alleyway just in front of the one he was in now until he’d been about to jump the chain link fence between them drop right onto their heads. Fortunately, at the very last second, he was able to stop his momentum and instead roll soundlessly behind a pile of full to bursting trash bags, hand clamped over his mouth and silently thanking his lucky stars that he moved so silently.

There was a heart stopping moment of waiting but no pursuit or angry shout followed him into his hiding place. The other person mustn't have seen him. Peter risked a glance, sure it was just some employee of the cafe next door or just a random passerby, someone wrapped up in their own inconsequential morning routine and that he’d soon be feeling very silly for his over reaction. It was just so hard to shake off the instincts of a hungry orphan who’d had to survive in a place where just around every corner could be a guard who’d kick him in the ribs for fun.

And where death could come from the sky above his head.

But, as he leaned out and looked, Peter realised he was very glad that he’d hidden. Because it wasn’t just some nameless citizen of Hyperion. It was Juno Steel.

He was different today, in jeans that were probably ripped both for aesthetics and with wear and a hooded sweater cut just under his ribs so his stomach showed. The combat boots were the same, as were the scabs and bruises from his fight yesterday. In fact they looked worse now they’d had a day to settle in, the one over his eye an especially nasty kind of deep purple. A smudge of eyeshadow in the exact same shade sat on the other, unmarred eye, as if Juno was deliberately trying to make a joke of his injuries. As if he was daring anyone to care.

Even after only knowing them a day, it was strange to see him without Ben. Peter actually found himself waiting, certain the other Steel twin would appear soon, perhaps out of the store Juno was loitering behind. But he didn’t. Juno was only waiting until the coast was clear before continuing on, moving in pretty much the same direction Peter had been about to head himself.

Peter waited, breathing shallowly into his palm. Well...he’d been going that way anyway? It wasn’t as if he was deliberately following Juno?

He used all the skills of moving unseen that had been drilled into him by Mag and, before that, the simple need to survive. He made sure to let Juno always be a building’s span ahead of him, using the muffled noises of cars passing on the street beyond to hide the rattling of fences and the thump of his feet on the ground, his eyes never leaving the back of the other kid’s head.

Before too long, Juno stopped, ducking though a hole in some railings into a narrow alleyway. It appeared to be empty, just steam from an overhead grate and a strong, sour metallic smell. But Juno had the look of someone who’d found exactly what he was looking for. Curious, Peter found another hiding spot behind some very optimistic, scrubby plant, managing somehow to grow in between the railings on goodness knew what. It was easy to disappear into the long, thick shadows of the morning.

After all, he couldn’t pass until Juno moved on, could he? And if he just so happened to see what he was doing then it was an unintended consequence of simply keeping his distance.

The scraping of metal took his attention away from his justifications. Juno had hunkered down in the alleyway and was prying up a sewer grate of all things. Like everything else in this part of the city, it must have been old and poorly maintained, Juno barely needed to strain to get the heavy steel disc standing upright.

Was he going down into the sewers? Peter wrinkled his nose at the smell coming up from that grate, heavier in the warmth of the sunny morning. What could be down there that he’d want?

After a moment, a small pink nose poked up from the circle of reeking darkness. Peter saw Juno smile and reach into the backpack he’d been wearing, bringing out a small parcel wrapped in a paper towel. Peter’s sharp eyes saw the leftovers of a breakfast, toast crusts and the rind of bacon, a little bit of apple. Smiling wider than ever and murmuring gentle hellos that sounded so jarring coming from the young lady who’d been so harsh to him, Juno began to feed whatever creature could make it’s home in sewers that must have been near toxic given the state of this city. Peter could see a set of tall ears sticking out now, notched and matted with filth.

Rats in the walls and rabbits in the sewers. What kind of planet had he landed on?

Peter could have moved on, gone back to the main street now his curiosity had been satisfied or over the roofs even. But something made him stay. Something about how Juno’s eyes looked when he smiled, a sight he’d never seen before. How it softened their colour to almost a gold, how they crinkled in the corners in a way not too unlike when he scowled. They just looked so gentle, a kindness in them that didn’t look out of place on his face, the way it should have. It seemed to have always been there, just hidden until now.

Suddenly, Peter felt a stab of guilt. He didn’t want to be stealing a sight like this, taking it without permission like a thief.

The irony of that unexpected feeling was something he’d have to file away for now and deal with later. For now, he would slip away silently, braving the noise and stink of the main streets, and try and remember what Mag had told him. Though it seemed to be sitting less heavily in his chest than it was before.

Same as yesterday, Ben came looking for Peter and found him sitting on the school steps, pretending to read a book on his comms to mask the fact that he was casing the front of the building and trying to decide if the drain pipes would take his weight in a pinch. Effortlessly, with no effort from him, he was folded back into their little group of four, being pulled over to the bench they’d claimed to laze and smoke on and deliberately turn up late for first period.

Juno seemed as surly and scowly as ever though it was hard to take it as personally, after seeing him spare what had looked like more than half his breakfast for hungry baby rabbits in the sewer.

Peter found himself stealing glances at him all the way through the day, in the lessons they shared, walking through the corridors with Ben or Mick chatting away between them, back in their little hideaway for another long lunch. Whenever it happened, he’d admonish himself and turn his attention back to something useful like memorising the rotation of the guards outside or seeing which classroom doors had broken locks. First rules of thieving ran through his head, trying to tug him back to his mission with Mag’s fondly stern tone.

And it would work, for a time. But then there would always be Juno’s earrings catching the light or a wry smile softening his face when Benzaiten made a joke or Mick’s story took a particularly absurd turn or Sasha made a particularly cutting sarcastic comment, his focus as they escaped the school again like he took his task as seriously as Peter had ever taken one of his own. And Peter would find his mind wandering.

It was like having a puzzle box he couldn’t solve. Peter was so used to reading people at a glance, in being able to arm himself with their insecurities and weak points, weaving his shield out of the strings he could pull to bring them down. Even if they were people calling themselves his friends or strangers who’d never give him a second glance, it made him feel better to have that knowledge just in case. He’d learned a long time ago that people could lie, that danger could come from clear skies.

But Juno was the only person who’d ever insisted on surprising him. On being more that Peter could tease out of his clothes and mannerisms, everything plain on his face and everything hidden underneath. He was a problem he’d been unable to solve at first glance, a lock that was refusing to open under his clever fingers.

Peter told himself that was why, when Benzaiten threw an arm around his skinny shoulders as they were walking back to the school after another long lunch and reminded him about the party he’d talked about yesterday, reminding Peter he’d promised to come and jokingly warning him there was no backing out, he only smiled, nodded and said, “Sure. I’d love to come.”

He told himself it was because he wasn’t leaving Mars while there was a puzzle on it that he couldn’t solve. He told himself it was because he was stuck here for a week anyway and he needed something to occupy his brain while he waited, Juno Steel was as good an exercise as any, like the tasks Mag used to give him when he was younger.

That was what Peter told himself. But it was the look Juno gave him over his shoulder when he heard him say those words, the look that could have been sour and exasperated, could have been surprised and maybe impressed and could have been all of those things at once, that Peter would be thinking about for the rest of the afternoon.

After less than an hour at his first party, Peter realised that Mag had prepared him to survive so many dangerous, almost apocalyptic situations, how to save his own skin at the very last moment, how to save a planet, how to play the parts of a hundred different people he wasn’t, down to the bone.

But he hadn’t taught him the first thing about how to be the kid he was.

At first, Peter had felt a little foolish when Ben had offered to meet him halfway to the kid’s house so they could all walk in together. He knew he was supposed to be playing the shell shocked, anxious new kid and should be gratified that it was clearly convincing but still, something about someone assuming he needed his hand held rankled him. It always had.

But from the moment they’d stepped over the threshold of the tiny apartment halfway up a rather badly slanting block, into a world of throbbing music, bodies pressed close together, the heady smell of sweat, sweet smoke and spilled alcohol and next to no light, Peter was glad he had some familiar faces to cling to. It was immediately overwhelming, the sheer wall of noise he couldn’t pick apart into useable information, the way people kept bumping into him like he was too insignificant to be worth noticing, how it was too dark for him to get a clear idea of where the exits were or get any handle on what sort of people were currently surrounding him like a tide.

And it was even worse when, inevitably, the constantly shifting gravitational pull of the drinks table, the small space that had been cleared as a sort of dance floor and the loose knot of kids smoking something that gave off a distinct sickly smell dragged all of his temporary friends away from Peter, leaving him hugging one of the far walls like it was a raft adrift in a choppy sea. Completely alone.

He told himself he was being foolish. He knew Mag had attended all kinds of balls, galas and events in a hundred different stolen tuxedos and stolen names. Peter knew how to charm people, he knew how to move through social circles effortlessly, he even knew which fork to use first if he ever found himself dining with Venusian royalty. But this kind of party was a different beast entirely, something he wasn’t even sure Mag would have been able to navigate. It was loud and oppressive, the outfits were sparing and caught the moonlight in distracting ways, people were shouting and moving in ways he didn’t understand. And it felt like everyone was looking at him with judgement in their eyes. Not that he cared.  

Peter looked around for Benzaiten and Mick with their reassuring way of putting their arms around him, for Sasha’s comforting, unflappable presence. But Ben and Mick were clearly very preoccupied, apparently drunk without even needing a drop of the many varieties of mind altering substances laid out on the far side of the room, dancing together in a way that Peter definitely didn’t want to interrupt and wasn’t even sure he should be looking at. Sasha had been pulled into a game of spin the bottle with her debate team friends, another thing Peter didn’t want to even approach.

He stifled a groan, pretending to check his comms just for something to do with his hands and to try and put off the strangers who kept coming up and yelling in his ear to offer him beers he didn’t want. But all that gave him was a depressing look at the time on his screen. Just past eleven pm, they’d been here for no more than five minutes. Clearly coming here had been a disastrous idea; he hadn’t planned for it, he’d let his mind stray off the task at hand yet again and he was paying the price.

You let Juno distract you, a chagrined voice murmured in his mind, somehow making itself heard over the music rattling the floorboards.

Mouth twisting, Peter shoved his comms back in his pocket and made for the door before any more thoughts could arise. He definitely wasn’t going to be putting tonight in his report to Mag, that was for sure.

Why this particular voice stood out when everything else was just a wall of incomprehensible, pulsing noise, Peter couldn’t say. Why it made him stop, when he was just a few steps from the door, a few steps away from peace and distance from the humiliation settling heavily in his chest, he couldn’t say either. But it did.

“Hey Steel, looking for someone you haven’t hooked up with yet? That’s got to be like, what, two people?”

Peter stilled, his eyes drawn over to the drinks table where a kid their age was leaning, a taunting smirk visible on their face even with what little light there was. And their eyes, sharp and mocking, were fixed on Juno.

Juno had been the first one of their little group Peter had lost track of in the chaos, something he’d been a little relieved about. The other three had been wearing slightly nicer, skimpier versions of their usual clothes, it wasn’t like any kid who went to Oldtown High could afford anything of ridiculously high quality. Peter himself had just exchanged his thrift store t-shirt for one that fit him slightly better, still with the same faded jeans and oversize trainers, something that wasn’t making him feel any less out of place.

But something about Juno’s outfit had been particularly...distracting. The same fishnets and combat boots as the first day they’d met, the same excessive jewellery and make up but now paired with a black miniskirt dress in some material that shone with a kind of iridescence, cut so the hem of it barely skated the upper third of his thigh. Looking at him dressed like that had brought a blush to his cheeks it had been very hard to keep at bay. So seeing him disappear into the crush of bodies, an expression like this was his element on his face, had been something of a relief.

But here he was now, looking just as distracting even with a dangerous look on his face aimed directly at the person who’d spoken.

“What’s wrong, Jones, sore I’ve never come to ask you?” he shot back, taking a long drink from the bottle of beer he’d just picked up, “Sorry, I just didn’t think we’d have a lot of chemistry what with you being a raging asshole and all.”

Something clicked in Nureyev’s mind, a memory slotting into place. This was who Juno had been fighting with on the day he’d come to Oldtown High, the person who’d blackened his eye and split his lip.

Something similar looked like it was brewing, from the way the kid stalked closer to Juno, until they were toe to toe. They were bigger than Juno by a good few inches, most people were even with the thick soles of his boots, but something flashing in Juno’s eyes made it not matter.

“I think I should finish what I started the other day,” Jones snarled, “Your face isn’t looking busted up enough for my liking.”

“You’re really welcome to try,” Juno’s lip curled, “See what happens.”

Peter’s eye caught movement at the kid’s side, just another shadow in amongst a room made up of them. They had a bottle too, hanging in a loose grip, Juno mustn’t have seen it and, nose to nose with them, he also didn’t see how it was rising, how their grip was tightening around the neck, how they were about to swing it’s full weight into the side of Juno’s head.

Again, Peter moved on instinct, seeing danger rising and snapping to attention with no thought other than to act. He surged forward, gripping the back of Juno’s dress and yanking him away, so the bottle missed his face by an inch. Carrying forward with the same momentum, taking advantage of the split second where they were trying to redress their balance, Peter palm struck them right in the nose. He had no muscle to speak of so everything Mag had taught him had been focused on using his opponents movements against them, turning their strength back on them when he couldn’t provide his own. So as Jones reeled back, blood flying from their nose in an arc that caught Peter across the face, he swept their feet out from under them, sending them crashing back so their head thudded heavily on the floor, dizzying them.

For a long, drawn out second, the whole party had their eyes fixed on Peter, completely stunned, Juno, Ben, Mick and Sasha included. If the music hadn’t still been pounding through every surface, it would have been deadly silent, the whole world shrunk down to this one kid, panting heavily with blood hot on his face.

What broke it was Juno, reaching forward and seizing Peter’s hand, murmuring, “Run.”

So they did.

Sheer adrenaline carried them forward as they fled down the stairs, out onto the street and away. Peter’s pulse was a racket in his ears, like the beat of the music was still following them even as they put blocks between them and the party. All he could do was follow Juno, their joined hands as unbreakable as an iron chain, as he pulled him along. The streetlights, the faces of pedestrians, the store fronts around them blurred into insignificance as they ran, he was only aware of the salty taste of blood on his lips and the heat of Juno’s skin against his own. He seemed to know where they were going and Peter was content to follow.

Finally they burst through some iron gates and were suddenly surrounded by trees, shoes pounding over pathways covered in leaves, the smell of rich earth and damp wood around them, so different from the smoke and stink of the city. When they skidded to a halt, it was in the dead centre of this park, beside a dry fountain, it’s grand curves and sweeping spouts looking strangely sad and barren in the night.

Peter’s lungs were burning in his chest and he spent some time doubled over, hands braced on his knees, painfully pulling in air. He could hear Juno doing the same beside him though, after a while, his gasping turned into rough, wild laughter.

Peter straightened up, frowning uncertainly. It sounded like Juno was losing his mind, laughing so hard he couldn’t stand up, sinking down with his back against the basin of the fountain. But after a moment, he found himself grinning too, thin shoulders shaking with his own manic giggles as the mad rush of their escape ebbed away and left them only able to cackle at the absurdity of it all.

“Did you see their face?” Juno finally managed to gasp out, voice raw, tears actually in his eyes, “You must have broke their fucking nose!”

Peter winced ruefully, sitting down on the gravelled ground beside Juno, “They’re going to be out for my blood tomorrow, aren’t they?”

“Doubt it, it’s me Jones really hates. Sad thing is, it is actually because I wouldn’t fuck them which is pretty damn ironic. Besides, if they do, you can just pull more of that ninja shit out of absolutely nowhere,” Juno snorted, “Where the hell did you even learn to do that? It was like the fence thing all over again, you keep doing the strangest, coolest shit with no warning...”

Peter swallowed, not sure what to say that wasn’t going to affirm Juno’s suspicions about him or reveal more about himself than was ever going to be a good idea, “I just...I just know how to take care of myself.”

Juno coughed roughly into his fist, finally getting control over himself, “Clearly. Jones was about to brain me with that bottle before you swept in and saved the day…” his expression changed then, something in it tightening, “Why did you even do that? Why not just let me get a face full of glass? I’ve been enough of a dick to you to deserve it.”

Peter dropped his eyes, “You have. But that could have seriously hurt you, they were going right for your eyes. And, well, Jones seemed like slightly more of a dick than you.”

“Slightly?” Juno chuckled roughly, his face softening again, “Well...thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

There was a moment of awkward pause before Juno leaned over and rubbed some of the blood off Peter’s cheek with a thumb, “Hey, uh...I do kind of owe you an apology. For...being the way I am. Ben and Sasha, hell even Mick, they’ve been giving me shit about it.”

Peter had to force himself to listen, so much of his brain was laser focused on that tumb against his skin, that touch, “I...I think I get it. You have a really good thing going with your friends and I just showed up out of the blue and changed things.”

Juno looked taken aback and suddenly the blush on his cheeks could have been his make up or it could have been something else, “Uh...okay. Fair. That’s pretty close to the mark.”

Peter cleared his throat quickly, realising he’d shown a little more of his hand than he’d meant to. He hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol back at the party, or ever for that matter, and he hadn’t smoked anything beyond what already hung on the air but something about the split second fight, the running and something about being sat here with Juno now was giving him a similar buzz in his blood and lightheadedness he’d always assumed came along with that sort of thing.

First rule of thieving, always keep a clear head he thought and felt guilty. He was trying.

“But Ben basically adopted you, it’s not your fault,” Juno frowned, picking at his nail polish, “It’s not an excuse for me being a dick. Yeah, you’re strange and you know how to do weird stuff and there’s things you’re not telling us...but hell, that’s basically everyone.”

“Thanks?” Peter said with an unsure smile, making Juno laugh again. The lightheadedness got worse then.

Juno shrugged, leaning far back enough so he was looking up at the stars. They reflected back in his dark eyes, pinpoint sparks in what looked like nothingness but was so much more. For the first time since he’d met Mag, Peter got the sense that someone understood him. That if he told them everything about himself, his fears and hopes, the planets he wanted to walk on some day, the world he wanted to make for himself and why, Juno would understand. Maybe even in a way Mag didn’t.

And he couldn’t say a word to him. He didn’t even know his real last name.

At that moment, Peter Nureyev could have cried.

“Bet Benten’s already texted me a million times,” Juno sighed, “Worrying about where I am’s probably really cutting into his making out with Mick time.”

Peter forced a smile, “We could go back.”

Juno paused then shook his head, voice softer and quieter than before, “Nah. Not yet. Five more minutes.”

Relief poured through Peter’s chest, even with the sadness still smouldering like embers in his stomach that wouldn’t go out. He wasn’t ready to go back either.

“Hey, huddle in, would ya, it’s freezing,” Juno grunted, suddenly drawing right up close until his side was flush against Peter’s, even going as far as to rest his head on Peter’s shoulder.

Despite what he’d said, his skin was so warm and he smelled of pot smoke, cheap beer and some flowery perfume. His head was heavy on Peter’s thin shoulder and his curls tickled his nose. But Peter couldn’t have moved away if his life depended on it.

Because even if he couldn’t have that understanding, even if he couldn’t let Juno really see him, he could have this. He could have these bitterly cold five minutes in a darkened park by a broken fountain with uncomfortable gravel under his ass, blood drying on his cheek and another boy’s head on his shoulder.

And if that was all he’d ever get, then Peter Nureyev was grabbing it with both hands and never letting go.

[artificialqueens]

Hot as Hell and No A/C, Chapter 7 (Branjie) - Blackhighheels

Seven

Jose hangs up the phone and disbelievingly stares at it for a moment. This call certainly didn’t play out how he thought it would, when he accepted it.

He needs to sit down and makes his way to the couch, where Thackery is already snoozing away. Jose doesn’t care and picks him up anyway, cuddles him even though the cat tries to get away at first. He needs the attention, the cuddles and the comfort, his cat just has to deal with it.

It had started with instagram request for a scheduled call. He thought it would entail some catching up, some chit chat and some funny stories. And yet, here he was, at a loss for words, with a heavy heart and with no fucking clue what to do.

Rachel had told him she wanted to FaceTime him and because he liked her and hadn’t talked to her in a while, he agreed. Maybe, he had also been curious about her uncle, just maybe.

Rachel hadn’t been alone though, her mother was with her when Jose picked up. After a short talk about dance and some other meaningless shit, Ada had sent her daughter away. Jose had feared that she would ask questions. Questions he wouldn’t be sure how to answer and would most likely have to resort to lies. He hadn’t expected Ada to know about Brock being gay and about their night together.

Jose is still shocked about it and wonders about the circumstances of that confession. He doesn’t suspect that Brock just randomly came out to his sister. Ada had been on a roll though and so Jose hadn’t been able to stop her and ask for the story.

Jose had hoped he’d find out how Brock was, but he hadn’t expected his sister to ask him to call Brock, beg him really, so Brock would finally talk to someone.

Ada was worried, very worried, and therefore Jose was now losing his mind over the different scenarios that he feared Brock was suffering.

He’d known all along that Brock was struggling with his mental health, but judging by what Ada described on the phone, things have taken a turn for the worse, even though Brock now has one ally who knows about him and his sexual orientation.

Jason had also hinted before, that Brock wasn’t doing too well, but having his sister call and plead with you to help her, help her brother… Jose isn’t sure what to think or say or do.

He told her that he’s tried texting and calling and she told him to keep doing it, start doing it again, really.

He told her, he fears Brock will block his number and she assured him, he wouldn’t even know how to do it.

She revealed, Brock got instagram so he could check out Jose’s account, but doesn’t follow him. As if he’d be able to find him without his real name or his picture amongst his nearly 4 million followers, that fucking dumb-ass.

The talk with Ada leaves Jose shaken, scared and very upset. He knows if he calls Brock, his call will not get picked up. Jose is sure if he texts him, he won’t get a reply. He doubts Brock will read the message before deleting it. But what other option does he have?

Jose doesn’t even understand why Brock is not talking to him anymore. They said goodbye with a hug after an amazing night together. Jose made it clear that Brock was always welcome to call and that he wanted to remain friends. Maybe their night together was a mistake after all? Maybe, if they didn’t have sex things wouldn’t be so fucked up now? But how was he supposed to say no? It was an impossible task for him, because he was drawn to Brock like a moth to the flame. Still is. Nothing is any easier now, than it was when he drove away and barely made it past the fucked up ”friendly community” sign until he had to pull over because he was crying so much he couldn’t see the road anymore. He had wanted to go back, turn the car around and hurry back, but nothing would have been different. Brock would still be in the closet, he still had to leave and there was still no future for them. He hadn’t know back then that it would hurt that bad for that long, because he had counted on a friendship, some contact to get the fix he craves.

It also makes him angry because things could be so much easier if Brock wasn’t so damn stupid. They could talk and text. They could be friends at least, really good friends and maybe they could come up with a way on how to make them work sometime in the future, because it sure looks like it was just some spring dick romance.

Brock is one stubborn motherfucker and apparently one who lives for the self-sacrifice, because Ada also let Jose know that Brock is ghosting him, because he doesn’t want to ruin Jose’s life. He wants him to move on and be happy with someone else. For a second Jose’s tempted to do exactly that, post some bullshit picture with some random guy and pretend it’s his new boo. That’s what Brock wants after all.

But Jose is scared of his reaction, scared what might happen, if Brock is confronted with that image. Also, it would be a lie. Even after four months, Jose has not moved on, which has to mean something, right? He’s still reliving their one night together nearly every night. He dreams about their talks, hears Brock’s laughter as they stack the shelves together. He’s made the picture Brock took of him his lock screen and home screen. Not because it’s a picture of himself, but because he’s wearing Brock’s hat in it, because Brock took that picture and he still remembers that afternoon in all details. For a moment he was tempted to make the picture he has of Brock the background of his home and lock screen, but people would ask too many questions he has no answers to.

He showed the picture to Silky and A’keria and they both agree he’s fine as hell, even though he looks tired. But nothing could ever make that beautiful man look bad.

Jose opens the picture and stares into Brock’s smiling eyes on the screen. He misses him so much even just looking at his photo makes Jose want to cry.

He’ll try, Jose decides. He’ll try to smoke him out one last time.

He goes to instagram and uploads the video of his goofy dance that Brock secretly filmed, keeps in the part where Brock is laughing and teasing him. The bible fanatics surely won’t follow him on instagram and out of those who do, only Ada and Jason know Brock’s voice. It’s not like he’s saying anything suspicious and he can’t even be seen. Mostly he’s just laughing and Jose loves the sound, more so because it always helps him keep the tears at bay when he misses him too much.

‘Remember this? Different kind of spring dance. I miss those days. #Imissyou’ he writes as a caption and posts it. Hopefully there will be some kind of reaction from the man he still can’t forget and still loves, even though he’s fucking dumb.

***

”Ada? Where did you put the turnips?” Brock yells from the front of the store to the back of the store. Ever since his sister has been back full time, he can’t find anything anymore. It adds to the general annoyance he always feels these days, that’s constantly bubbling under the surface and now makes him want to throw the fucking boxes through the store or just burn the vegetables altogether. Who needs turnips anyway?

”They’re underneath the radish stand,” comes Ada’s reply.

”No, they’re not. That’s where they’re supposed to be, but I have no fucking idea where you put them.” How is supposed to restock them if he can’t find them? The throbbing behind his eyes intensifies.

”Watch your mouth. I don’t wanna have Noah cussing and cursing.” Ada lectures him as she walks out of the small office with Noah in her arms.

”He’s four months old. It’ll still be a while until he can say mama or cuss,” Brock rolls his eyes.

”Here, hold him Mr. Know-it-all.” She hands him the baby and starts looking for the turnips herself.

”Will you start cussing us all out Noah? Or will you be a good boy?” Brock coos at the baby and bounces him up and down on his arm. He’s spent a lot of time around him since he was born and it’s obvious that the little boy knows him, by the way he smiles at him. A second later a gush of milk and drool comes out of his mouth and runs down Brock’s arm. ”Great, cussing would be less disgusting, you know.” Brock shakes his head and turns around to find something to clean himself.

”Need a tissue?” Brock swirls back around. He can’t believe his eyes and shakes his head. This can’t be true. He stares disbelievingly, but the strong scent of cologne in the air that makes his headache intensify, lets him know that it’s real. He’s not hallucinating; Jose is back and his stomach drops. ”Here, let me help ya,” the smaller man says and wipes Brock’s arm clean with the tissues he holds. ”There ya go.”

They just stare at each other then, Brock still not really believing that Jose’s here, looking at him with a tiny, shy smile and those large brown eyes of his. His hair is longer than it was, it’s shaved differently and bleached on one side. There’s some stubble on his face and he’s wearing different earrings; the diamond studs have been replaced with black ones. He’s even more beautiful now, something Brock never thought possible, either.

”What are you doing here?” Brock finally finds his voice.

”Checking on ya treacherous ass. You don’t pick up your phone, don’t call me back, don’t reply to my messages. What’s a guy gotta do?” Jose tries to joke, but his voice isn’t as loud as it usually is and his hands are slightly shaking.

”You shouldn’t be here,” Brock starts to panic. Jose can’t be here! Everything will be for nothing! All his attempts to get over him and forget about him. The pain and the restraint whenever he watched his phone ring and ring, but hadn’t picked up. All the messages he deleted after reading them, everything inside him wanting to reply, wanting to call Jose back and just hear his voice. All the fights with his parents, Ada’s attempts to help him… If Jose sticks around everybody will find out what he is, people will talk, they will wonder and ultimately they will put two and two together and realize that Jose’s back because he had sex with him and wants to get in his pants again. Then his parents find out and he’ll lose… what exactly, Brock suddenly wonders. The thought makes him livid.

Why can’t Jose accept his decision? Why can’t he respect that he can’t have him in his life? Why can’t he see that he’s not good for Jose and will only drag him down with him? What does this beautiful, charming and charismatic man, with more money than he could ever dream of, friends and a career, want with him, a loser who is in the closet, suffers from anxiety and still lives with his parents? It’s a cruel joke god’s playing on him, that’s what it is. This is why he’s never done this before. Anonymous random hook ups with strangers are safer, because they surely can’t just come back and find you when they want.

”I can be wherever I wanna be, right Noah, my man? You remember me? You remember uncle Vanjie?” Jose baby talks to his nephew and if Brock wasn’t so angry again, he’d find it cute. Lately, he’s always angry and he rarely knows why.

”Fine, then you stay here, I’m gonna leave.” Brock says and looks around for his sister so she can take his nephew from him.

”Why you being such an asshole to me? I haven’t done nothing to you! Actually, I came back, ‘cause I was worried.” Jose gets louder as well and Brock can see Mr. Smith in the other aisle lift his head, clearly curious about what’s going on.

”No one needs to worry about me, least of all you. It’s none of your fucking business what’s going on with me. I don’t wanna talk to you, I don’t wanna text you. I want you to leave me the fuck alone! There, is that clear enough, in case me ignoring you wasn’t?” Brock hisses at him. Suddenly Ada is there beside him and he puts the baby in her arms.

”You’re a motherfucking jerk, you stupid, stuck-up, emotionally stunted asshole!” Jose roars and Brock blinks, because for a second he thinks Jose might actually hit him. He suddenly seems taller than him, he’s so angry he’s vibrating and his eyes are black at this point.

”Brock, ya better leave,” Ada tells him and places a hand on Vanjie’s arm. So much for the family support and loyalty. Since when is his own sister on Jose’s side? Shouldn’t she know why Brock is acting like he is?

Without another look at either of them, Brock hurries out of the store and slams the door behind him, so hard the glass nearly bursts.

He doesn’t take the car that is parked in front of the store, because he has no intention of going back to his parent’s farm and back to work. He’s tempted to kick Jose’s overly shiny and way too expensive car, but doesn’t.

Instead he stalks off into the empty fields, over the dry sand and small rocks, just to get away from everything.

Especially from the man with the expressive eyes and the ever-present scent of cologne, who used to be the person he dreamed about being with and who has now become his live-and-in-flesh nightmare.

***

Days later, Brock knows he has been played as soon as the black Porsche pulls up to his sister’s house. For two days, he managed to avoid Jose and he hoped that he would be gone by now, but no such luck.

When his sister had asked him to come over and help her run some errants he hadn’t become suspicious. Not even when he got there and she told him she had the kids and he had to go alone. Only when Jose drove up to the house, did he understand what was going on.

”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he curses as Rachel runs off to give Jose a hug when he gets out of the car. The fact that said man is responsible for him not sleeping a wink the last two nights doesn’t help his mood.

”I thought I’d be more comfortable to take Jose’s car in this heat. It’s a two hour drive one way, ya know,” Ada shrugs and looks so innocent, that Brock nearly doubts she has anything to do with this.

”More comfortable?” Brock snorts about the fucking irony. There are very few places at the moment he’d be less comfortable in than in Jose’s car or anywhere where Jose is, really. It’s just so hard to be around him and knowing he has to push him away with all his might, while he wants nothing more than to just run to him and burry himself in his arms and never let go. It’s another wish in his fucked up life that will never come true, because he can’t allow himself to make it come true. He has to make sure at least Jose can be happy in the long run, so annoying him a bit now so he won’t get hurt might be the safest course of action. He has to protect those he loves and he absolutely loves Jose.

”What? You gonna throw a fit like a two year old? Vanjie’s right, ya know, you acting like an asshole,” Ada lectures him. ”Get into the car and be nice to him. He’s only helping us out and ya should be grateful not rude.”

”Yes, mom,” he rolls his eyes, gets into the passenger’s seat of the car and closes the door. It’s blissfully cool inside, the AC blasting as well as the music. Jose is still talking to Rachel and his sister outside and smiles and babbles with Noah. Brock has to smile at the picture, but stops himself when he realises what he’s doing and quickly looks away before he can get caught.

”Ya ready?” Jose’s tone is harsh, maybe unnerved and surely not as friendly, funny or warm as it used to be.

Brock grunts in reply and looks out the side window. He can see Jose’s reflection in it, the way his jaw clenches and how his eyebrows are drawn together. He looks as tense as Brock feels, which strangely enough makes him relax a bit.

Brock watches the landscape fly by as they drive out of town. It’s been a while since he’s been to Dallas, but this time they got no choice.  Ada has given him a long list with things she needs and errants he needs to run for her. Usually she makes the trip once a month, but with Noah and looking after Brock, she hasn’t been in a while.

The whole drive Jose doesn’t say a word and neither does Brock. He’s glad when Jose turns the volume of the music up even more, so the silence between them isn’t as painfully obvious.

Also, it’s a good distraction. Whenever he gets too caught up in his thoughts and feelings, thinks about talking to Jose and apologising to him, maybe even reach over and take his hand, then he concentrates on the unfamiliar music and the beat.

”How long are ya gonna take?” Jose asks when he has parked the car in the parking space of the wholesale market.

”Maybe about an hour or two?” His tone is softer now, because the brusk way Jose treats him hurts. Brock wants him gone and leave him alone, but just so they can both stop hurting. He knows he’s hurt Jose with his silence, but it was for his own good. Being around him however and not being able to talk to him and Jose acting this cold towards him, is torture. All of Brock’s wounds are open and bleeding again.

”Imma be back in two hours,” Jose doesn’t even look at him as he speaks, he is staring out the front windshield.

”Jose…,” Brock starts, but then stops himself. He doesn’t really know what to say and he should leave it anyway. ”Two hours, ok.” He gets out of the car and as soon as the door closes behind him, Jose speeds off and leaves him stranded at the parking space.

When the two hours are up and Jose isn’t back, Brock worries that he’s just left him there. He thinks about calling him, but it doesn’t feel right to call him now, when he has been avoiding his calls for months. So he waits in the burning heat, his sister’s purchases under his arm and all around him.

After thirty minutes Jose finally pulls up. He doesn’t say anything as Brock puts the things in the trunk and Brock can see that Jose has done some shopping himself. There’s bags with clothes and shoes, all of them brands Brock could never afford.

It’s getting dark as they drive back and Brock feels more and more tired. They are still not talking, because there’s too much that needs to be said, but more that needs to be kept in.  It makes Brock even more tired and exhausted, physically and emotionally.

He leans his head back against the headrest and enjoys the feeling of the soft leather against his cheek, the cool air of the AC hitting his overheated face. He breathes in deeply, lets Jose’s scent wash over him, a mix with the scent of the leather of the seats and the night air.

Brock finally gives in and closes his eyes because they’re burning. He lets his left hand come to rest on the middle console.

He’s basically asleep when it registers in is subconsciousness that Jose’s fingers are laced through his, as he drives him back home. The warmth of the touch spreads from Brock’s fingertips through his whole body.

***

”Brock! Ada!” It’s his father who is yelling and Brock wonders if he’s only angry or also drunk. It’s barely noon and usually his father isn’t drunk at this time, but neither is he usually this angry.

”Hey dad,” Ada remains as friendly as ever, but Brock notices that she left the baby in the back, while four of her other kids are playing in the aisles of the store.

”Can y’all tell me what ya doing hanging out with that… guy?” his father comes straight to the point.

”What are you talking about?” Brock decides to play dumb, while he is secretly itching for a fight, has so for weeks.

”Don’t pretend ya don’t know what I’m talking about! Wilson just told me that the gay dancer  is back in town and he’s been here in the store. And you’ve been seen with him at night when ya been taking stuff from his car!” Brock’s stomach clenches and he’s suddenly nauseous.

”You mean Vanjie? He helped us out by driving to Dallas and picking up stuff at the wholesale market.” Ada’s explanation sounds so innocent.

”Why’s he even back here?”

”Visiting Jason again?” Ada lies. They both know that’s not why Jose is back, even though they haven’t talked about it. Brock doesn’t really know yet how much his sister is involved in Jose coming back, but his gut tells him it’s a whole lot.

”And what do you have to do with Jason?” his father asks, then slams his cane to the ground. ”You stay away from these people, ya hear me? Both of you. And you,” he turns to Rachel, who has been watching the whole talk, ”no more dance lessons with the gays, no more of this music and these dance moves. No grand-daughter of mine will behave or dress like a whore!”

”Enough!” Ada raises her voice. ”You will not talk to my daughter that way or call her names.”

”I will talk to your daughter whichever way I want.”

”No, you won’t!” Ada interrupts him, her face red with anger. ”And while we’re at it: You will not talk to my children that way, you won’t swear or curse around’em, you won’t be drunk around’em and you won’t tell’em what to do. You hear me?” Brock stares at his sister in awe. The Lioness has entered and is fighting for her cubs.

”How dare you talk to me this way? Who do you think you are?” his father roars and steps closer to Ada, who doesn’t move an inch, even as Rachel hurries to her side.

”Don’t you dare!” Brock intervenes and steps between his father and his sister and niece, pushing him back. ”Don’t even think about it,” he hisses when he sees his father’s grip on his cane tighten.

”You think you can tell me what to do? The lover of all wronged and friend to all faggots. You’re a disgrace! All of you! God will punish you for the way you’re behaving! Mark my words.”

”Out!” Ada says, still not moving an inch, even though her father is still towering over her, with only Brock in between to stop him.

”You can’t throw me out. I’m your father!” The cane lifts off the ground, but Brock pushes his father backwards and into a shelf. It’s not a hard push, but it’s enough to put him off balance so he needs his cane back on the ground to catch himself.

”You heard Ada. Leave! Now!”

His father gapes at him in disbelieve and with anger written all over his face. He’s livid, but Brock’s anger matches his father’s.

”And don’t you dare ever raising a hand against my sister or niece ever again,” Brock adds, because at this moment for whatever reason he has the courage to do it. If his father’d try to beat him up, punch him and kick him like he used to do with them when they were kids, Brock would finally have an outlet for months of frustration and anger, because he would fight back this time.

”We’ve had enough of your anger and your cursing and your aggression. You’re a bully and a drunk. You talk about god and the church and you beat your own wife and children. Get the hell out of my store!” Ada yells. With one look back, his father leaves. Both Brock and Ada are breathing hard once he’s finally gone Rachel holding on to Ada’s side. They share a disbelieving look about what they just did and Brock feels a mixture of elation and fear.

”Mommy, you said hell,” Rachel timidly points out and makes the two adults in the room smile, as the random observation lightens the mood.

”I know, I’m sorry. I’ll ask for forgiveness later,” Ada tries hard not to laugh. ”Rachel, baby, will you check on Noah in the back?” She waits until her daughter is gone before she speaks again. ”Thank you.”

”There’s absolutely nothing you have to thank me for. I should have stepped in before when he got so aggressive towards you.”

”I don’t care what he does to me, even though Joe had a talk with him about that before. But he doesn’t lay a hand on my children. I won’t have it!”

”You’re a great mom, Ada. I wish our mom was as strong as you,” Brock quickly reaches over and gives her a hug.

”Speaking of mom: Can you go and check on her? I’d hate it if he lets out his frustration on her and uses her as a punching bag.”

”Sure. You gonna be ok here with all the kids?”

”Of course. They’ll help me serve the customers,” Ada smiles and places a kiss on Brock’s cheek.

***

”Mom? Mom?” Brock calls as he enters the house and listens carefully for any sounds of a fight or a beating.

”Brock? What’s wrong?” She comes out of the kitchen, a kitchen knife still in her hands.

”Nothing, just… was dad here?”

”Yes, he came home, but then left again.” She says.

”Did he hurt you?” It’s the first time Brock has ever asked her this directly. They all know that his father beats his mother and they’ve all seen it. But no one ever talks about it.  His mother looks surprised about the question, but then slowly shakes her head.

”No, he was upset and was cursing Ada, Rachel and you. That’s all.”

”So he didn’t hit you?” He asks again, just so they’re clear.

”No.” At his mother’s reassurance, Brock feels relieved. ”What happened?”

”He came into the store and was angry about Jason’s friend helping out Ada. He cursed in front of the kids, told Rachel she wasn’t allowed to go to dance class anymore and threatened Ada.”

”What do you mean threatened?”

”He nearly hit her with the cane.”

”He’s her father.” His mother replies with a shrug, like that explains everything.

”Exactly, he’s our father and your husband and that still doesn’t give him the right to beat any of us. It’s wrong now that we’re all adults and it was even worse when we were kids.”

”Kids need to learn to respect their parents and behave. Otherwise they won’t behave outside in society and that’s not god’s way. They need to have respect.”

”We never respected him, mom. We feared him,” Brock sighs and sits down on the sofa. ”Ada threw him out of the store when he threatened Rachel. I think she’s finally had enough. I had to step in. I won’t have him beat up my sister or my niece.”

”It’s not right Brock, none of it. Rachel shouldn’t be with these gay people and listen to this music and wear these clothes. Ada shouldn’t disrespect her father. And you, you’ve changed. You’re not even going to church anymore and hang out with the wrong people. Your father was just upset and he has a right to be.”

”So you agree with him?”

”I agree with his opinion, but not with the beatings,” she finally admits.

”Jose, that’s Jason’s friend, helped us out a lot, while he was here the last time. Without him I wouldn’t have been able to get to Dan when he was in hospital, Rachel would have had to ride her bike alone in the middle of the night and Noah would have been born either at home or somewhere between here and the hospital.” Talking about it makes Brock feel even worse about the way he treated Jose.  ”And Jason isn’t a bad person either. He cares about the kids and is a good teacher. I don’t know him that well, but he’s always friendly, even though everyone in this town treats him like crap. I’ve decided that I’ve had enough, mom. Enough of the hate that the reverend preaches and enough of the prejudices and the pettiness. The bible talks about love and compassion, but all the reverend gives us are rules on how to mistreat and judge each other. I can’t do it no more. It makes me sick. I work from morning till night, seven days a week. I help Ada and I help Dan on top of running this farm. I have no life of my own and I’ve never complained. But I won’t be controlled anymore, not by dad and not by the reverend.” Brock tells his mother with all the seriousness the matter needs. He has never talked to his mother as openly before. It’s not like she ever asked about his thoughts. ”Rachel is a child and all Ada wants for her is to have some fun. We never had any fun growing up, mom. There was church and school and work. And in between the beatings from dad. I don’t blame you, but I can’t pretend that I understand you either.” He sighs heavily. ”All I’m saying is that I’ve had enough. No more.”

”What does that mean? You leaving?” His mother asks him, her face unreadable.

”Do you want me to leave?”

”No, of course not,” she shakes her head. ”Who’s supposed to do the work around here, if you leave?”

That one hits him harder than his father’s beatings ever could and leaves him gasp for his next breath. Then Brock swallows hard, clears his voice. ”Is that the only reason? The farm? Work?” It’s hard to keep the tears at bay, when it’s made clear to him that that’s all he is, even for his mother: a worker, stable boy, another source of income.

”No,” she says finally, her face still stoic. Then she gets up and gives his shoulder a squeeze. ”No,” she repeats quietly and disappears back into the kitchen.

TBC

[teabights]

MARCO ILSØ x READER Part 3

Part 1 |  Part 2  | Part 4

Author's Note: I think this is the last part of these two. I will start more one shots, if y'all want more of them, let me know. I felt like I needed to wrap them up. Edit: I will upload one more part after this one and will close this narrative.

Trigger Warning: A little smut

Danish words: "Jeg elsker dig" - I love you.  "Jeg elsker dig for evigit" - I love you forever. "Elskov" - Love . "Kom kysse mig" - Come Kiss me.  "Nej" - No. "Pigebarn" - Baby Girl.

Two weeks into living with Marco, you just learned that Marco is a huge mess. Marco left his clothes laying around and he never made the bed - you were always up and out the door before he'd wake up. He cooked for you though, which was a nice change. You two do share cleaning the apartment.


Marco has his hand around your throat as he is slamming into you, moans filling the room - well your moans a bit breathy. The sounds of your bodies connecting also filling the room. Marco lets out a loud growl as he starts to release his seed into you. You orgasm while he was riding out his orgasm. He lets go of your throat after and you pant hard. He moves out of you and lays down next to you.


"I love morning sex," Marco comments with a chuckle.

"I mean, I love you, but yeah the morning sex, perfect," You joke.

"You were great," Marco says.

"You were good," You mumble.


Marco's phone rings and he leans over, you see his agent's name on the screen and he answers it.


"Yeah?.... Really?... Are you taking the piss outta me?... For real? OH MY GOD. FUCKING GREAT! Bye... E-Mail me the info," Marco says and hangs up. He puts his phone down on the night stand. He moves to get over you. He smiles so huge and snuggles his face into your neck.


"What is it?" You ask.


"I got the part... in the FUCKING SPIELBERG MOVIE!" Marco says as he moves from your back to scream.

"BABE! THAT'S GREAT! Let's go out and celebrate," You suggest. You were so happy for him.

"I know how I want to celebrate," Marco's hand wonders to your thigh. 
"Yeah?" You say with a smirk.


After you and Marco go for round two, then round three in the shower. You two got dressed. You pulled on your (Marco's) favorite bra and pantie set, one of Marco's sweaters, a pair of jeans, and just a pair of converse. He just had on a sweater, jeans, boxers, and his tennis shoes. You decided that you two are going to go to the restaurant that Marco always keeps asking for you two to go back to after you had taken him there the first time. You aren't telling him that you are taking him there. He keeps asking and you keep telling him it's a surprise. You were able to call ahead to make a reservation of just you two in the secluded area.

You get to the restaurant with Marco and he just screams a tiny bit. You two walk up to the front and you give them your name. They lead you to two to a quiet room in the back. Marco was just squealing so happily. He was on cloud nine. There was nothing that could ruin his mood. You two eat dinner. During dinner, he talked about going back to Denmark for a few days to tell everyone and see everyone, which just made you whine in protest. You thought that you two could be with each other for thirty-one consecutive days not just 2 weeks, he fucks off for a few days and comes back for the last 2 weeks. He agreed to stay the month.

Marco wanted to go out drinking. You agree only because Marco was on such a life high at the moment. You two go to the club that you went to every single weekend. Marco and you get drunk off your asses. Marco and you end up going back the apartment. You threw up on the way from the cab to your front door. Marco just held your hair and talked about cute you were. You two go inside. Marco and you start to undress. You had gone to the bathroom to rinse your mouth out. You get to be just in the sweater and panties and Marco just had his boxers on. Not much happened nor did you guys make it to the bedroom. You two passed out on the couch.

You wake up the next morning, feeling like Thor had slammed your head with his hammer. You look over at Marco, who was still sound asleep, a little drool creeping down one side of his mouth. You just kiss his cheek. You walk slowly to the bathroom to do your business then to the kitchen to take the ibuprofen. You did not have to the will power to make breakfast or coffee. You just get that stuff delivered to you. You sit back down with Marco, slowly kissing his neck.

"Mars," You mutter.


"sshh... too loud," Marco says. Marco's phone starts to ring from his pants pocket. "Fuck." He leans over to grab his jeans and pulls out his phone then answers it, surprised that it still had juice.

"Hello?" He tried to sound not dead. "Alex, yeah... I am glad I got the part too, shut the fuck up though... because it is 10 in the morning here and I am so hung over... We celebrated... Yeah, we celebrated that way too... perv... I know. I have to get my script from the office... London, I know... I appreciate it Alex. I do... Spielberg is having the table read in a week. So stay over here. I am sure she won't mind..." Marco's eyes go to you.


"That's fine," You say. You had an extra room that was an office with a futon in it that Alex can sleep on.


"She says that's fine... She's great... Yeah, well when you are here I was going to work on that... yeah... Yeah... Anything else King Ivar?... Okay, then I will see you in a week, bye fucker," Marco hangs up after hearing Alex's response. You were a bit skeptical by what he was going to work on.

"What are you going to work on?" You ask.

"Ah, working out, we need to bit beefier for this, or me," Marco's lie rolls right off his tongue. 

There was a knock on the door. As much as you did not believe him, you chose to. You walk to the door, thanking the delivery person as you grab the drink carrier and the box of doughnuts. You close the door and walk over the couch. "


"Coffee and doughnuts," You say happily. You got both of you some ridiculously sweet iced coffees and a dozen of chocolate dipped doughnuts with sprinkles, your favorite.

"I will join you in a moment," Marco says as he gets up. His head rushing but he goes takes care of his business in the bathroom and had taken some medicine before sitting back down. 



You two ate in silence, mostly because of your headaches. You snuggle into Marco's side.


"Can you just move in full time?" You ask quietly.

"I would love to, the movie starts right after my last week here, and I will be in London with Alex for the next four months," Marco says as his voice grows sad and quiet.

"Four?" You let out a sigh. 
"Yeah, it is a long time. Five months apart got us to being here, so imagine the four months apart. I could visit you when we have a break," Marco comments.

"Well, yeah, but I am so used to having you every day, that it's going to be so hard to not have you here," You mention. "It'll just be hard."


"Yeah, but it's what we want. Soon I'll be able to support us..." Marco starts.


"No, I am giving up my job because you are a big actor. I need something that is mine," You say.

"But, I never am going to be able to see you if I am working and you are working," Marco starts to feel a bit angry.

"Yeah, well, if we love each other like we say, we will be just fine," You mutter.


"Don't question if I love you," Marco retorts.

"I wasn't I was just simply stating," You snap back. 



You just stand up and move to walk away. He grabs your waist and pull him back. He had no intention of kissing you. He just was not done talking. 



"I am not done talking to you. You cannot just walk away," Marco mutters to you.

"Well, I am done talking to you," You snap again.

"Fine." Marco says slightly defeated; you were impossible to talk to when you were in this mood. He releases you from your hold.


You just head towards the bathroom. You just wanted out of your clothes and shower, and that is what you did. You took a rather long shower. You cry during the shower. You did not want to lose Marco for four months. You did not want to lose the relationship you guys had. You were worried that he would be seen out with a female costar being awfully cuddly. You did not want the news that he would be breaking up with you. Of course, you could never tell Marco these feelings.

Once you get out of the bathroom, hair and body wrapped in a towel and walk into the bedroom. You were sure you guys never made the bed the other night, but it was made. His clothes were all put into the hamper. You were surprised. You toss the towels up on the hooks. You just move to the dresser, pulling out underwear and a sleeping shirt and shorts. You pull them on. You walk out into the living room. Marco wasn't anywhere in your apartment. You weren't too worried. You find your phone and walk back to the bedroom. You just move to the bed, pulling the covers back so you can get into bed and you lay down on the bed. You plug your phone in. After laying there for a few seconds your phone goes off. Your mom's beautiful face lights up your phone. You just smile as you answer your phone.


"Hello?" You say as you answer.

"Hi baby girl," Your mom speaks.

"What's up mom?" You couldn't help but feel bad.

"So, Marco told me that you two had an argument about work and him being gone for four months, but pigebarn you have nothing to worry about. You know he loves you so much. I think that Freya will keep you two together," Your mom states.

How does she know that you two will be okay? There is some secret going around. "How do you know?" You ask.

"A mom knows when their child had found the one, especially me. I pray to Freya every day to look over you two. Take time, call upon Freya, surely she will keep you guys together," Your mom just smiles, you can hear the smile.

"Mom, Freya... can't do this one. I need Hel," You mutter.

"Pray to Freya and Frigg. You will feel better," She insists. "I have to go, it is dinner time."


"Okay mom. I love you," You answers her softly.


"I love you pigebarn," Your mom then hangs up.


You just close your eyes and put your phone on the bedside table. You just let out a small sigh.



"Freya... I call upon you in a time of need. I need you to bless my relationship with Marco, please. I do not know how much longer I can go without him. I don't know how my mother knows that Marco and I will be fine, but I need a sign or something. Please Freya. Odin... I called upon May First for the help with Marco, I need your protection over him. Make sure that he is okay when he is away filming. Please Odin. Please... I need my father to give me a sign that Marco is supposed to be the one I am supposed to be with. Father, please. Freya...Father...Odin... please, give me a sign." You speak out into the universe. Your eyes were all watery again. You lay there in silence, sobbing for a couple of minutes before your phone rings. The Gods worked in mysterious ways. You reach over for your phone and answer it without checking.



"Hey, Gosh, I am an idiot and forgot the keys to the apartment. Can you come open the door please, elskov?" Marco's voice was soft and made you feel warm, even over the phone.


"Yeah," You say as you hang up.

You put your phone down. You get out of bed. You walk to the front door and open it for him. His hands were full. You watch him walk in. A bouquet of just baby's breath, how did he find your favorite? He also had a few groceries in a bag. Tucked under one of his arms was his script. You had plenty of food in the house, why did he go out to buy more food? He looks at you; he notices that your cheeks were stained with tears. Your eyes still puffy.



"Elskov," He says softly.

"I am fine," You assure him.


Marco just nods, going to tend to the flowers really quick, putting them in the vase and handing it to you. You take the vase.


"Put them where you want," He says softly.

"Okay," You state.


You walk over to the coffee table and put them there. It was a bit basic, but you just smile slightly as your eyes stay on them. You walk towards the kitchen. You see he had pork chops. He was on his phone, mumbling as he reads. You glance at the script and took a step towards it.


"Please, you never read scripts," Marco says.

"Can I at least move it so it doesn't get destroyed from being in the kitchen?" You ask.

"Fine," Marco says.

You pick up the script it had his name photo copied into the cover of it. There was no information on the 'cover' of it besides Marco Ilsø. You put it next to the vase. It looked cute almost. You wanted to take a picture to post, but you sure it would violate Marco's contract. From interviews you found out that Spielberg's productions were very secretive till after filming, no one was allow to post about filming location or anything till it was over. You walk back into the kitchen.


"Can I help?" You ask.

"No, I will come get you when I am done cooking," Marco says. He knew cooking your lunch would help make up for the fight. He felt like it was foolish fight, but he wanted you happy.

You just obey and stay in the bedroom. You just scroll through photos on your gallery. You were looking at the ones that Alex sent you after editing from the Central Park photos. That was an easier time. You just also watch the countless videos of you and Marco.



"SAY HI MARCO!" You scream as you were drunk and so was he. You guys were in your apartment.

"HI MARCO!" Marco screams back.

"Marco! Tell Alex how much we miss him!" You spoke - you were filming this, it was one of the first nights in New York for Marco and he was missing Alex terribly.

"ALEX, BABY! I miss you cunt! You need to come out to New York more often. I love you!" Marco's eyes started to get watery.


The phone gets panned to you. "Mars and I miss ya!" The video ends.


You just smile as you click on another one - with no memory of filming it.


"ELSKOV, KOM KYSSE MIG!" You hear Marco's voice. He was so attractive when he spoke Danish.

"NEJ, KOM KYSSE MIG!" You spoke back as you go to Marco on the couch. You just see the kiss happen, there was passion.


"Jeg elsker dig." Marco says lowly.

"Jeg elsker dig for evigit," You say back to him.


You remember that video actually. It was from when you were visiting Denmark for the last Yule with your father. Your parents had left to get food and Marco came over. It took place when Marco first came in the house and sat down. You miss him speaking Danish, it would occasionally come out in the morning or during sex. You two barely spoke it anymore. Marco only spoke it more with family and occasionally with Alex. You scroll through and found another video of you two.


"Marco, what did you get?" You asked, obvious that it was Yule at your parents' home - same year as the last video.

"You got me a Yule sweater," Marco says with a big dopey smile on his face.

"And?" You egg him on.

"Tickets to the Dublin match," Marco states. "And a Dublin Bohs shirt."

"For you, Ken, Nick, Alex, and Jordan," You say.

"Thanks so much babe," Marco moves to kiss you. All the screen was black and all you hear was a kiss. 


"I know you wanted to go when Ken and Nick was there, and they were going with you for a few days," You say. "You'll fit right in there."

"Jeg elsker dig." Marco says.

"Jeg elsker dig." You respond. There was another kiss.

You smile at that video. It was a cute little video. You remember his actual reaction. You remember the call you got during the match. He was rambling about how much he loved you and how he thought you were an awesome chick for doing this for him, obviously drunk.


"Elskov!" Marco calls to you. "Dining room!"

You leave your phone on the night stand as you get up from the bed. You wonder into the dining room. You see a nice plate of food and some candles lit. You were glad he was trying so hard to make this up to you. You couldn't help but smile. You were so glad that he was trying. You guys ate in peace. It was funny how Marco knew you so well. He knew how to make you happy - just the smallest gestures.


"Uh, so I think it would be cool if you could get off the four months for the filming," Marco mentions.
"Yeah, I can't just do that," You say.

"What if it was an exposé on Alex and I? We could talk to your company and Spielberg's people. You could release it after the movie comes out," Marco knew that you wanted to do more documentary type of videos, so he thought this was the obvious choice.

"Maybe, let's talk to Spielberg in the morning, then my company. Okay?" You did not want to argue about it. Marco was more on the line than you would be.

"Alex will be here in a few days. We are going to do an early read through, drink, other guy things," Marco mumble. "We will need to do it here, so you'll have to go do something as we read."
"Sounds fun," You mention.


You guys finish eating. Marco had picked up the dishes and did them. He even took care of left overs. You could see how bad he was trying to have everything be okay.

"Mars, can you come snuggle me in bed?" You ask.

"Yes doll," Marco just smiles.


He follows you to the bedroom. You crawl back into bed as Marco stripes of his clothes to get to his boxers. He gets in the bed. His arms wrap around your waist. He pulls you to his chest. He just held you as you laid there with him. You end up asleep.

[avatarskywalker78]

Another Six Sentence Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had been hoping to upload chapter 3 of the Supergirl fic by now but I got rather busy this week. I was ALSO hoping to start the second part of Cobalt Blue and The Flash but that hasn’t manifested at all yet. I can tell you that it’ll feature both Malcolm and Eddie’s POVs and many more brotherly moments - though it won’t be all fluffy, as Eddie still has some guilt over not being in his little brother’s life for five years, especially when he learns more about what he missed. I have started chapter 13 of my Flash longfic, but not enough for an extract - but Steph will learn about Barry’s visit to Starling and his search for the impossible, and Malcolm shows up again when she decides to loop him in.

I have done some writing, though, so here’s another extract from chapter 3 of to live and rise (and hope again), in which Eliana’s X-Ray vision is starting to kick in after her trauma was set off again.

Dad had warned her what it was like, but that was scant comfort when she felt like she had a tight headband on and the pressure was increasing as time went on and it was awful and this time, the trigger had been clear – aliens being kidnapped off the streets to be forced into an underground fight club. The news item had dropped last night and Eliana had just panicked. It had nothing to do with Cadmus but it was still far, far too similar to how aliens had disappeared on her world – and she hadn’t known. She had super-hearing and she should’ve known this was happening and yes, a Kryptonian had saved the day but why hadn’t it been picked up sooner? And worst of all, the person responsible wasn’t even going to face real punishment because she had friends in high places and this, this was why she had to do something-

The pressure behind her eyes had started soon after. She assumed it was stress, then panicked even more because if it was heat vision then she needed to get out of the apartment right now, so she’d sped back out into the desert...and nothing happened, so it was stress.

She’d stayed out there for a couple hours trying to calm herself down by finding a rock to lie on and counting all the stars in the sky. This far from the city had some of the best views of the night sky, and star-gazing had always been one of Eliana’s favourite pastimes, especially when she got worried about things, and when she’d first come here she’d spent a lot of nights just tracking stars and meteors and planets – her telescopic eyesight coming in handy for this. And it had worked this time, helping to clear her head, and she’d reminded herself of what her family had always said – that she couldn’t take on the responsibilities of the world, that it was okay to not be tuned into everything all the time. They’d always stressed that, had wanted her to enjoy her childhood and her teenage years and Eliana was certain they’d say the same thing now.

It had helped, but of course she couldn’t always be stargazing unless she went chasing the night sky across timezones because of how busy she was these days. And of course this morning she’d realised it was a power coming through, so clearly she still wasn’t great at really knowing when one was arriving.

Eliana knew staying here wasn’t going to help ,but it hadn’t taken this long for Dad or Uncle Mon – it had just happened. Her hybrid status again? She didn’t know. She did know that she was hungry and that it was a nice day – the sun wasn’t hurting her eyes, she’d just hoped that being in darkness would help the headache a little bit, trying to convince her body that this wasn’t as alarming as it seemed.

It wasn’t working because she could see in the dark, so she had to keep her eyes closed and she might as well have kept the sunlight streaming in. With a huff she got up, put the compress back, and opened the blinds, before putting her shoes on and heading straight to Lisa’s bakery.

Secondly, an extract from chapter 9 of to save the world (with a friend by my side - which starts off with Ashley reeling from Adam’s death.

After the initial outburst of emotion – of pain and grief and heartbreak – Ashley soon fell quiet and just...didn’t register much of anything for the next few hours. Seg had hugged her, hugged Kem, the others had come rushing back in wanting to know what had just happened and...she didn’t really remember who had told them, and in the end it didn’t really matter, did it? Nothing mattered. Adam was dead.

No – Adam had been killed. He’d been killed by the Voice – but he wouldn’t have been if he hadn’t been here, and Ashley’s mind was soon overwhelmed again with grief and guilt and deep unending sadness because oh god, Adam had been killed, he’d died saving them all and there was nothing, nothing she could do to change that. He wasn’t even supposed to have been here, he was meant to be safe and sound back at home, why didn’t he go home because now he was...he was…

Dead. Murdered. Killed by Brainac. Her best friend’s life had been brutally cut short in front of her eyes and – so had Ona’s. Ona’s. The little girl they’d all sworn to protect after her mother’s death, and Ashley just felt hollowed out by the fact that she’d failed them both. That Adam was gone, having given his life for theirs, the force field protecting them from the blast – by containing it with him inside, not that it would’ve mattered if it had because you weren’t meant to use Zeta-Beams with no guidance because you’d end up in the vaccum of space so either way he was doomed.

Why did you stay? You weren’t meant to be here, what changed your mind? Were you going to help after all? She’d..she’d planned to speak to him, to try and sort things out, and now...now she’d never get the chance to.

People kept trying to talk to her – well, mainly Lyta and, surprisingly, Jayna, though as the leader of Kandor’s first line of defence maybe she’d seen her fair share of losses. Jayna actually stayed with her, though even her words were just...noise. Ashley could hardly think beyond her own grief, because her best friend was dead-

Seg showed back up again at some point, and when she eventally managed to break through the fog it was just him in the room – well, she could see Jayna standing guard nearby, and Ashley realised they were in the back of Kem’s place again. Seg’s own eyes were shining with unshed tears, and he was obviously trying to keep things together for her sake, though he was clearly worried.

[echoes-of-the-clockwork]

Falcon of Detroit (DBH Connor Fanfiction) Chapter Five

~Phoebe’s POV~

"Finally!" I yell, flopping down on the couch. I hug a pillow close and bury my face in the soft and plush fabric. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I sprawled all my limbs across the sofa.

Connor sat my purse down on the coffee table and eyed me with the tilt of his head. "You were only in the hospital for a day, Phoebe."

"Yeah, but I hate hospitals! The food is bland and there's nothing to do. You barely get to sleep because nurses are always coming in every two hours to take your blood pressure. You've no idea how exhausted I am right now." From Connor's expression, I could tell he scanned me. I pointed scoldingly at him before he could open his mouth. "Don't you dare, Connor. I know exactly what you're gonna say and it'll be a smartass comment, whether you know what that term means or not."

He sealed his lips and sat on the other sofa as I was hogging the entire one I way laying on. I curled up in a ball, hugging one of the pillows to my chest and resting my chin on it. Creating space, I patted the cushion next to me and Connor moved seats. I placed the pillow in my lap, gingery pulling on the edges of the fabric. "So, you're my caretaker. I've been shot on the job before, but this is the first time I've needed someone to take care of me. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Lieutenant Anderson has demanded I take care of you," he responds.

I roll my eyes before grabbing Connor's hand gently. "Forget about Hank for a minute. Is this what you want to do?"

Connor's chocolate gaze locked with my azure one. I saw something flicker in his eyes, but I wasn't sure what it was. "It doesn't matter what I want, Phoebe."

"Bullshit. I don't care that you're a machine. You can be selfish and speak your mind. Screw the damn orders and your mission for just a few minutes. What do you want? What does Connor want? That's what I love about deviants."

"You care for deviants?" Connor questioned.

"I do and I also admire them. They're your people, Connor. They've developed emotions and free-will. They are becoming human and it's marvelous. I'm tired of people using them as objects. It's about time your people deserve equal rights. Now, tell me what you want."

The same flicker I saw a few seconds ago reappeared in the android's eyes. "I... want to stay and help you, Phoebe."

I smiled at his response and smacked him lightly with the pillow. "There's the selfishness I was looking for. Maybe you're secretly a deviant deep down."

At my words, Connor placed a hand over his metallic heart. He then moved his eyes back to mine. The silence between us wasn't awkward. It was peaceful and relaxing. Standing up, I toss the pillow on the couch and groan in discomfort as I went to stand. I didn't even make it off the sofa before Connor grabbed my arm and forced me to sit back down. "Whatever you need, I will fetch it for you."

"Connor, I think I can make a cup of hot chocolate on my own."

I tried getting up again, but Connor refused to let me put anymore weight on my leg. "I will make it for you. This is another selfish action."

Without another word, the android headed into the kitchen and prepared me a cup of hot chocolate. "Well, it seems my advice has quickly come back and bitten me on the ass in less than a minute. I call that a new record."

Connor returned from the kitchen with a steaming cup of cocoa. I thanked the android as he sat the hot cup down on the coffee table before sitting next to me. When a suffocating silence filled the space between us, I got up and dodged Connor's outstretched hand that tried to grab me. "I'm just gonna grab a movie. I'll be fine for a few seconds, Connor."

His fingers flexed out before curling back into his palm. He watched me intently as I grabbed Batman Begins. I bit my lip to keep the smirk off my face as I returned and popped the movie into the DVD player. I sat on the couch and propped up my bandaged thigh with a pillow, turning on the television in the process. Connor eyed the menu once the previews were finally over. He tilted his head at the title of the movie and remembered what I said two days ago in the station. "This is the 'Batman' you spoke of?"

"Yep! This is just one of my favorite superheroes. You probably won't enjoy this as much as me, but at least you will have finally been blessed with the almighty, beautiful Bruce Wayne! See, if I worked at CyberLife, all androids would be blessed with all movie knowledge! Then again, that would be the reason they'd fire me." I started the movie and peered from the corner of my eye to watch Connor.

During the first ten minutes of the film, I observed Connor closely. His chocolate eyes were glued to the screen and he couldn't tear them away for even a second. I leaned back, a victorious grin plastered to my face. When we were introduced to Scarecrow, Connor tilted his head.

I held back my laughter as I've never seen someone so concentrated on a movie before, let alone an android. Biting my lip wasn't helping so I resulted to nibbling on my thumbnail. Halfway through the movie, I fell asleep while hugging a pillow. I hadn't realized how exhausted I truly was from my hospital stay until I got comfortable.

"Phoebe," Connor called out my name softly, shaking my shoulder.

Opening my eyes, I saw the credits on the screen. "Ugh, guess I'm more tired than I thought." Shaking away the slumber, I peered into the android's brown eyes. "So, did you enjoy the movie?"

"It was quite interesting. I do have questions, though," he answers honestly.

"Ask away, buddy."

An hour passes by the time I finish answering all of Connor's questions. During the entire time, I was in awe at how absorbed he became in the movie while I was sleeping. I never knew androids could enjoy movies like humans, let alone have tons of questions by the end.

Checking the time, I saw it was only noon. I took a sip of my hot chocolate, noting how cold the beverage had become. Not caring, I downed the entire cup and licked the chocolate off my lips. From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor's LED change to yellow. The android's eyes widened and I knew he just received a new case. Sitting the empty cup down, I tug on his sleeve to grab his attention. "Go, Connor. I'll be fine by myself for awhile. Fill me in on the details once you return."

Connor nods and takes my hand in his. "Do be cautious of your injury while I'm gone, Phoebe."

I placed my free hand over my heart and nodded. "I promise. I'll probably end up asleep again after you leave."

"That would be for the best. I will notify you of the details when I return."

Before his hand slid out of mine, I squeezed it tightly. "Be careful, Connor. Even though CyberLife can upload your memories to another prototype, I still want you to be safe and come back in the same body that you walked out of the door with. Also, if Hank needs an earful, do not hesitate to call me. I'll chew his ear off if I find out he did something to you while I was gone."

Connor smiled and squeezed my hand in return. "I will be fine, Phoebe. Rest while I'm gone."

"Gotcha covered on that, sweetheart. I don't want to keep you any longer. Go do what you do best, Detective."

His smile widened as he left. Once the door was shut, I glanced down at the hand Connor was holding only minutes ago. "Don't tell me... Nah. There's no way Connor could become deviant. I'm sure CyberLife programmed him to prevent malfunctions in his system. He is their biggest asset, after all."

Reclining back, I stare up at the ceiling. Deep in thought, I reminisced in the details we had so far in the Amadeus case. Trying to connect the puzzle pieces caused a headache. I sighed in annoyance and returned to reality. "Whatever. I'll deal with the case when I'm able to return to work in a few days. For now, let's goof off!"

-Seven P.M.-

Connor returned with a grave look on his face. His usual stoic expression was replaced with the dreadful look, which caused questions to brew in my mind. He joined me at the kitchen table as I had just made a bowl of soup for dinner. "What happened?"

"Four victims were found in an abandoned warehouse near the docks. A woman was starved to death while another was pierced through the heart with an authentic claymore that was reported stolen from a museum only a few days ago. One male victim was quarantined when traces of yellow fever were the cause of his death."

"That's not a disease common here. Anyways, what about the last victim?" I ask.

"A clean cut delivered to his throat with a blade."

I stared down at the soup as I replayed Connor's words in my head. My eyes widen when I was able to make a connection. Forgetting about my thigh, I jump to my feet and run to my bedroom. "Phoebe!" Connor shouted my name. Ignoring him, I scan the bookshelf and pull out the fictional tale of the four horsemen.

I plopped down on my bed the moment Connor entered my room. "The deaths are all connected to the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Famine—the woman who died of starvation. War—the woman who was stabbed with the claymore. Death—the man who had his throat sliced open. And finally, Pestilence—the man who contracted yellow fever. Not sure how he did, but I seriously doubt the forensic team would lie about such a thing." I showed him the picture that was in the front of the book.

Connor contacted Hank and told the older man to make his way to my house as quick as possible. Fifteen minutes later, Hank walks through the door with the spare key I had given him. "What's this all about?"

"I found a connection to the four victims," I said, showing him the picture of the four horsemen.

"What's with the fucking creepy picture, eh?"

"The four horsemen of the apocalypse. The victims were murdered in ways that represented each soulless man in this picture."

"And how is that a connection?" Hank questioned.

"Because our suspect won't kill again until they get their hands on the necessary tools to kill their next four victims. But, it could be possible one suspect is actually four. It could be a group of killers. It would be difficult for a single person to get their hands on mosquitoes that carry yellow fever."

"Hold up. You think our suspect or suspects have a jar of mosquitoes that carry yellow fever?"

"Just a theory on how the victim contracted the disease without traveling out of the country in recent months," I shrug nonchalantly. "Suspects will do insane things to get what they want. Illegal smuggling is one of those things."

"This sounds so fucking outlandish. You sure it's not the exhaustion talkin', Phee?"

"I'm positive, Hank! Since when have my deductions been wrong?"

"..."

"Exactly! Never! I'm on a roll and no one can stop me!" I grin.

"Fine. Let's say your 'four horsemen' theory is correct. What now?"

"Now, we figure out if these bastards are working for Amadeus. I have a feeling they do." I slam the book shut and toss it on the couch.

"Another feeling, huh?" Hank chuckled.

"Wanna know how I got the feeling?" I raise a brow with a smirk.

"No, I really don't."

"Oh, well! I'm gonna tell you, anyways!"

[parchedlips]

Saint and Sinner x Fem!Reader

Chapter Two

Jack had been in the middle of recording when he got a sharp pain in his head. It felt like someone taking a long needle and stabbing his brain and spinal cord multiple times, even though no one else was around. The pain made him cripple to the floor, causing a loud thud to be heard, which only made the pain worse. As he curled into a ball, thinking it would help get rid of the pain, he heard a familiar voice of someone whom he had grown a custom to.

"What going on?" Anti asked as Jack began to sob from the pain.

"I-I d-don't k-know." His voice was shaky, frightened and pained. I hurt him to speak. The noise made it even more unbearable than it already was. Anti knew what was happening. This day was to come soon. Anti seemed to "detach" from his mortal entity and see where the problem lied. He tried to connect to the source.

What he saw was remarkable. He saw that, from a viewpoint which that seemed to be the other side of the room, lied a girl. This girl was incredibly beautiful but the scene that played around her was far from that. She lied on the floor with blood coming out of her head and through her fingers. She lied there in pain, screaming at the top of her lungs, grasping and pulling at her hair. There was a man towering above her, his breath heavy, his hand red from hitting something hard. Blood was dripping on the door frame.

This sight even sent chills down Anti's spine.

He sent the scene to Jack's eyes, but he didn't pay attention. The pain was too much for the mortal. His eyes were closed as he screamed and shivered and cried.

The pain subsided on Jack as the girl went to sleep in her bed. Jack got up off the ground, only having a minor headache now. He sat back down in his chair and realized that the recording had gone on for this long now. It was going to take a lot of editing to get that scene out of there. No progress has been made on the game so he could just cut the scene out of the recording and it would look like nothing happened. His community was smart, however, and when they would see his puffy eyes, slightly running nose, and the occasional rub to his temples, he knew all of the comments would consist of them telling him to go lie down or just questions of concern.

He ended the recording not long after that. He went downstairs to get some medicine and water. His head was starting to kill him again. He went to go lie down and try to sleep it off, but it was no use. To Jack, he was asleep, but Anti took over and went back to his desk. He had seen Jack do this same process of setting up a recording before, so he had this down by memory. He pressed record and began to smile at the camera.

When that video went live, he felt Jack start to wake up, so he made his way back to his room. He laid down in the bed and soon Jack took over. He say up and stretched and yawned. His headache was minute and he barely felt a thing. When he got to his computer, he saw that he was already logged on and into YouTube. I shrugged it off telling him that he just forgot to log of last night because of the major headache. He looked at the comments from yesterday's uploaded video. Some were funny and others were of criticisms of the game he had played. He answered a few, then moved on to social media. All he saw were screenshots of something from a video he didn't post. They were creepy and weird. He was sitting at his desk, in his chair, and smiled. It wasn't jack, however, and he knew it. Anti felt him start to get mad and Jack felt Anti start to grin maliciously.

"What did you do," Jack asked and he felt anti's presence grow stronger. His body language, eye color, and voice changed as Anti spoke.

"I merely made myself known."

"Why?" He got no response. Just felt his presence subside. He shook in anger and went to back to social media to see how the community had handled it. Luckily they took it as a spook for the month of October and the Halloween season. They posted gifs' and screenshots, captioned with glitched text. It made him smile. As long as that's how they took it, that was fine and made him happy.

Anti, however, had different plans and wanted to push the connection between her and him. She was useful to the mortal, and programmed it to finish the connection when the video was played.

Later that evening, Jack was at a dinner with his girlfriend when he felt a twitch of pain in the back of his head as the girl watched the video. When the video was done, he felt the pain go away, and made it unquestionable to his girlfriend. When he got home, he claimed that he was going to go work on editing videos and thumbnails. His girlfriend understood and he went upstairs. When he closed the door behind him, he started to speak.

"What did you do this time," he asked and once again his whole demeanor changed.

"Made a connection," Anti said.

"A connection? A connection with what?"

"Not a "what", but a "who" is what you should be asking".It was then that Jack was truly angry.

"Cut the crap. What happened?!" He was practically yelling now.

"I'll show you." Jack was then shown a girl laying in her bed. It was dark and the only light the flickering of the dying lamp post shining in through the blinds, but there definitely was someone in a bed.

The picture faded and Jack was in his office again.

"What was that?"

"The connection." Jack felt the presence of Anti fade so there was no point in trying to communicate.

He went to bed not long after that, but not before accomplishing something on in his computer, so he made a thumbnail.

He woke up early the next morning, because he knew he was falling a little behind. When he got to his computer, he felt Anti's presence grow strong.

"I am going to show you something that I believe is important to you," he said.

"What is it," Jack asked but it was no use. His office was gone and he was in a room.

He saw that same girl crawl out of bed, and start to get ready for, what he assumed, was school.

As this went on, he heard the faint sounds of a fight going on and his curiosity got the best of him. He tried to focus on the fight. Instead on the now empty bed he was in the hallway.

"...Why take that, of all things?" The voice was feminine. It sounded hard and rough, like it was sore.

"You don't get to talk to me that way!" That one was definitely male. It was hard, rough, deep, and strained. It pained him to talk more than he already was. He sounded tired and hungover and angry.

"It's a "TV"!!!! We have a teenage daughter-"

"Who's a slut!" Jack and the woman gasped at the same time. Jack began to tear up when the man said that. The angle was starting to change. He went closer to the door as the screaming raged on and on.

"How could you say that?" The door under the knob was pulled.

"Because she is. She's a dirty rotten slut, and that all she will ever be." Tears welled up and ran faster as they yelled. The door opened and all that was heard before the yelling was seen, was a slap. What he saw scared him more. A group of adult men were standing behind a man who was towering over a woman. They all looked hungover and some still drunk. As they began to file out, the woman started to cry with anger. She looked like she was going to collapse. The man left with what Jack assumed were his buddies. The woman's fist hit the wall and then he was going closer to her with speed, but she did not seem to notice him. Then he saw the woman go to her knees when the girl he has saw earlier started to comfort her.

The scene faded and he was back in his office.

His eyes filled with tears as the scene played again and again in his head.

"H-how could they do that to their own child!? L-let drunk men lay around in their home, s-steal their tv, and call her a slut!?" Chapter One Chapter Three: 1.19.2018

[tieg2001-blog]

Project Obliteration Arc 1

I was bored therefore I decided to upload my Wattpad story, Project Obliteration here on Tumblr. Enjoy.

-Tenma's Perspective-

The sky was full of dark, blackened clouds which were probably filled up with rain and were ready to strike down thunderbolts as I was standing in the middle of my school's front pitch. All, I could do was look at the crumbled states of my teammates' bodies, bruises had covered nearly every inch of their bodies.

For some reason, my body looked like it was unharmed, not even a single scratch visible to the naked eye. But all of a sudden I spotted someone in the corner of my left eye, he was running towards me.

"Tenma, what on Earth did you just do?!" I heard Coach Endou shout at me, although, I had no clue what had happened a minute ago, my memory was blank, the last thing I could remember before regaining presence was the fact practice started. Nothing more.

"I'm sorry, but I have no clue what happened whatsoever? Would you mind telling me why everyone is lying down on the pitch during practice?" I responded in a rather calm way, hoping I could stay in control of the nervosity that was caused by forgetting what had happened approximately 10 to 20 minutes ago.

"You, that's what happened!" Aoi shouted at me as she was running from the sideline of the field towards me, it didn't take me that long to notice the horrified expression on her face.

"Please tell me, what did I do?" I said in the way a five-year-old child begs one of his parents to get him or her something they desperately desire, although, this was different, I couldn't recall a single second of what had happened in the past minutes.

"How dare you to forget how you injured all of them!" Midori suddenly shouted with a fierce look in her eyes, it felt like they pierced right through my heart, they are all blaming me for something I can't even remember doing so.

"I-i can't remember..." I said softly as I was scanning the team's managers' faces, although, it didn't seem like they believed a single word of what I had said, I felt all alone, just as alone as I used to feel many years ago when my parents left me behind at Aki's manor.

"W-we are this unimportant to you, huh?!" I heard someone say in a hurt, painful way before I realized the voice belonged to Tsurugi, who was trying to stand up from the pitch, so I quickly walked over to him, but when I reached out to him, he rejected my hand by slapping it away. Then I saw it, the look of fear present everywhere in his eyes... Fear for me.

"Stay away from me! You monster!" Tsurugi shouted at me, I could sense something burning in his heart, it wasn't anger towards me, not at all. It was hatred that was burning deep inside his heart, along with the fear he tried to suppress.

"B-but!" I said softly, although, by the look on everyone their faces, it wouldn't matter what I was going to say, they all hated me, they all wanted me to vanish and never return into their lives.

All of a sudden my vision became white, I was unable to see anything anymore...

-Nobody's Perspective-

A brunet screamed loudly as he woke up from a deep sleep, sweat was slowly rolling down his forehead as he was panting as a result of a certain horrible nightmare. He held his right hand on his chest to check on his continuously rising heartbeat.

"W-what was all of that about?" The brunet thought out loud as he tried to calm himself down by slowly breathing in air and releasing it.

"A-alright, calm down Tenma, it was just a nightmare, there's no way you could possibly injure the people you care about like that." The brunet told himself as he continued to breath slowly, hoping his heartbeat would lower over time, which it eventually did.

Once the boy's heartbeat reached a reasonable rate, he stood up from his bed and walked over to the drawer in the opposite corner of his room. Despite the cracking floor, he managed to get to the drawer without a sound.

"Why did that nightmare seem so realistic though?" The brunet said softly as he silently opened the drawer to look for his school uniform, luckily, his caretaker did put it back in the drawer after washing it instead of leaving it in the attic.

As the boy was holding his school uniform in front of him, a sudden headache struck the boy, causing him to drop to his knees. He held his head as tight as he possibly could to hopefully lift some of the pain caused by this headache, but then, all hell broke loose.

The boy's headache continued to hurt him more and more over time, but just then, he suddenly felt a power surging through his veins, a power he had never felt before. A power that most people desire to gain their entire lives, but this boy, he never desired a power with capabilities this massive.

Within a single second the boy's metallic blue eyes slowly started to change into a bright purple look, before sending out a strong repulsive blast that utterly annihilated his headache. But for some strange reason, it didn't inflict any damage to the room's interior.

"W-what is going on?!" The brunet said nervously as he tried to stand up from the floor, although, it didn't take that long before the boy collapsed under the pressure left behind by exerting the annihilating blast.

Hours had passed by, a woman with dark-green hair was watching her cousin lying unconscious on the couch after she had carried him to the living room with the help of several guests, who left nearly five minutes after helping her out.

"I wish I knew what happened before you fainted." The woman said in a soft, motherly tone as she gently stroked the boy's brown hair.

"A-aki..." A weak voice suddenly spoke, which caused the woman's eyes to widen, she knew who the voice belonged to, perhaps she would finally get an answer to a question that filled her mind for the past hours, the question of what had happened.

"Tenma, you really got me scared, you know? Please don't ever lay unconscious on the ground, ever again!" The woman said in a worried tone as she withdrew her hand from the boy's hair.

"A-aki, how did I get here? I can't remember walking over to the couch and lie down..." The brunet said on a low whisper-like volume after he slowly opened his eyes to scout his surroundings.

"This morning I thought you were still sleeping before I found you unconscious in your room after I shouted several attempts at getting you out of bed, but once I entered your room, I was in shock at seeing you lie on the floor..." The woman said as she gently bit her bottom lip, purely because she felt ashamed for not noticing something might have happened earlier.

"It's fine though, but I have to head to school now." The brunet said with a calm facade, hoping to hide the fact he was afraid of not being able to recall what had happened before he apparently fainted this morning, but then his gaze fell on the clockwork hanging at the wall, it was nearly three PM, school was close to its end, but practice had yet to start.

"You're not going anywhere until a doctor checks on you." The woman said in a demanding way, just the tone of her voice nearly forced the boy to stay at the manor.

"There's nothing wrong with my health or anything!" The brunet quickly said before trying to stand up from the couch and to hopefully leave the manor.

"Tenma I don't allow you to leave the manor until a doctor checks on you!" The woman shouted in response as she tried to push the boy back onto the couch.

You don't have to act like a mother, you don't even have the right to act like that towards me, you're just a person who's designated by my real parents to take care of me!" The brunet shouted upset before the metallic blue tint of his eyes slowly started to get replaced by a bright purple colour like earlier that day.

"Tenma, what on Earth happened to your eyes?" The woman asked at the sight of the bright purple look in the brunet's eyes.

Before the boy could even answer his caretaker's question he accidentally sent out a telekinetic wave that caused the entire building to collapse, parts of the upper floor were falling down right through the ceiling, if it wasn't for some absurd forcefield, the rocks would have crushed the brunet and his caretaker.

Due to the powerful repulse the brunet had exceeded, the woman had fainted, a couple of seconds seemed like an eternity to the boy, especially since he was terrorized by the sudden power surge that had changed the flow of his life.

"W-what is going on?!" The brunet shouted frightened as he once again stared at his reflection in a partly-broken mirror that miraculously had survived the collapsing building.

After the boy had seen his own reflection in the partly-broken mirror he noticed the bright purple look in his eyes, a look he had seen before, but he couldn't remember where he had seen it. All he knew of this strange look was the fact it was powerful enough to annihilate anything.

As an ambulance arrived near the location of the manor's ruins, the boy nearly collapsed under the enormous pressure that was left behind by accidentally making use of the power that surged through his veins ever since birth.

"W-what is this pain?" The brunet thought out loud before the strange, mysterious pain caused him to faint, dropping on his chest, right onto the, in dust-covered, wooden floor of the once existing manor.

Not even an hour after fainting at the old location of the manor the boy used to live in, the brunet slowly opened both his eyes just a little bit, in a completely white-decorated room. There was a window to the left of his hospital bed and a nightstand to the right, on which a remote controller was lying, probably to adjust the bed's height.

-Tenma's Perspective-

I woke up in a well-lit hospital room, at least I think I was in a hospital room. I think I woke me up due to a low temperature, since I noticed most of my blankets were probably blown off my bed by the wind.

It didn't take me too long to realize I wasn't the only one present in the hospital room, I tried to keep my eyes closed, since I was not feeling like talking to anyone, especially since people would probably start asking me questions about what had happened back at the manor, although, I am unsure, no, I am not just unsure, I don't have the slightest idea of what might have happened.

Wishing my friends would just leave my hospital room already, I thought of something, there was no way they would leave without making sure I was fine. Therefore, I decided to open my eyes and accept the fact they could start asking me all sorts of questions, questions I was unable to answer.

"Tenma! Thank goodness you're okay!" I heard Shinsuke shout happily, mainly since he was the first one to notice I was awake.

"Hm, where's Aki?" I quickly asked instead of greeting them, mainly due to the fact I was worried sick about Aki's whereabouts and her condition after the picture I can recall of all the blood pouring from her body.

"Well about Aki, she is currently undergoing a surgery that will at least take six more hours." Coach Endou told me in a calm way, although, for some reason I could sense how worried he was about his childhood friend.

"You're kidding me, right?!" I quickly responded, hoping it was nothing but a bad joke, however, I already had the feeling this couldn't be a joke, the expression on everyone their faces was more than enough to convince me.

"No, her injuries were both external as internal, she has lost a lot of blood in the progress of getting her to the hospital for surgery." Coach Endou continued to inform me about Aki's current condition, which seemed like she could pass away any second, even with the slightest mistake during the surgery, the tiniest error possible.

"Does anyone know the reason behind the manor collapsing all of a sudden?" I asked purely because I was curious how far the police, if they were even involved in finding out why the manor collapsed, might have gotten in less than an hour.

"We were kind of hoping you would know the answer..." I heard Shindou speak as he entered my hospital room, along with a nurse, who was probably asked to check on any possible wounds, although, I didn't really feel any wounds on my body, nor was I able to see them.

"How on Earth should I know why the manor collapsed?!" I responded slightly offended, how should I be able to know why a building suddenly collapses? It almost sounds they suspect me from destroying the building I live, well lived, in.

"Ehm, Matsukaze, what is happening to your eyes? I always thought you had blue eyes instead of purple-coloured eyes." Tsurugi asked all of a sudden, which caused everyone to look at me, well mainly to look at my eyes, even the nurse who was checking on the heartbeat monitor took a break from the machine to look at my, apparently, purple eyes.

At first, I just sighed before asking what Tsurugi was talking about, but all of a sudden I felt this stinging pain coming from my brains and going all the way through my spine, which nearly caused me to scream in pain... But out of the blue, I exerted some sort of purple-like shockwave, which resulted in every single person in the room except for me to faint, since when was I able to do something like this? How did I even gain the ability to exert a shockwave that causes people to faint, but one question lingered my mind the most, how did I suppress this power?

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading the first Arc. 

~Tieg 

[purplesurveys]

838

This is about to get crazy, are you ready? I’ve done way over 2,000 of these, I’m sure I can handle this. Have you ever done cocaine? Nope. Not interested. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing right now? Feliz, in one of their tiny stalls that sell trendy clothes for a lot cheaper. What song would best describe your love life? I always go with Still Into You - Paramore because it’s my favorite band, it’s their happiest song, and because my relationship’s been going on for a while which is what the song celebrates. What are you going to do after this? Another survey, probably. In the mood for these tonight.

Are you wearing jeans? Hell no. I brought Cooper to the vet today (also the first time I drove out IN THREE MONTHS) and even then I didn’t opt for jeans. Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? That’s my dad, and that would be disgusting. I’ve kissed him on the cheeks though. Has anyone ever called you a whore? Pretty sure we had a bully with anger issues in 6th grade that liked calling me either slut or whore, I’m not sure which it was anymore. I was too depressed in that grade that I wasn’t even bothered by her at all. Who were you last in a car with? Cooper; I had to take him to the vet. His diarrhea had turned bloody so we needed an emergency checkup. Are you in a good mood right now? Not really. My PMS has arrived so I’m in the mood to be on the rooftop, be alone, and cry over nothing lmao. I wish I still had my vape pen. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Maybe once or twice, but it’s not the most striking thing about my face so I don’t get too many compliments about it. Have you lost interest in someone recently? In something, yeah. Quarantine (and the fact that I’m graduating) has so far made me lose interest in my extracurriculars and recently I’ve been getting irritated every time I still get assigned to do work for my org. I’m detached now, please get the hint guys. Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? My mom I guess, for the 22+ years of trauma and emotional abuse. Have you ever played the guitar? I’ve played around with it, but I don’t actually know how to play it well. Has anything "cute" happened in the past week? My dogs. Could you handle living with the last person you talked to on the phone? I already do. It was my dad. Cooper is technically his dog, so when I brought him to the vet I had to contact him repeatedly via text and call to answer some of the vet’s questions. Do you ever take your anger out on others? That was definitely my tendency before, but I’ve seen how that destroys other people so I’ve made it a point to avoid it completely. What grade is the last person you texted in? He hasn’t been in school since 1993. Do you still talk to the person you had feelings for 6 months ago? Yes indeed. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I’m quite there already, and yeah sure. I have a general field I see myself being in, but I haven’t thought about what specific job titles I want. Has anyone seen you in your underwear lately? Nopes. Where's your phone right now? Beside me. Have you ever liked someone older than you? Just celebrity crushes hahaha but no one irl. Are you the oldest child? The youngest? In the middle? Only child? I’m the eldest of two other siblings. This survey isn’t as crazy as you pitched it to be so far... Would you rather be called 'honey' or 'baby'? Baby. Not a fan of honey as in recent years it’s been used in a condescending tone to talk down on someone during an argument lol Was the first person to text you today a boy or a girl? Boy. Man, to be more accurate. Is there anyone who doesn't like you because of something you did? I’m sure I’ve pissed off a number of people here and there. When did you last say "I love you"? Did you mean it? Not sure, this morning I think? Yeah, I always mean it when I say it. Are you talking to anyone right now? Nope, am all about this survey right now. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Sure, it happens. My mind’s constantly running so I’m no longer surprised if I go from thinking about a friend to suddenly remembering a sales clerk I may have had a brief interaction with five years ago lmao. What or who is on your mind right now? I’m deciding if I should go for coffee or soju tonight. But I’m PMSing, so I think the choice is obvious. Right handed or left handed? Right. Have you ever had chicken pox? Not yet, which is all the more reason to be terrified haha. I heard it’s worse when you’re older :( Did you buy anything today? Not with my money but I bought new medicine for Cooper (he’s already taking two but the vet added one more since they now found protozoa in his stool) and also ~glucose monohydrate~ to mix with his water. His stool’s looked much better ever since he took these two today so I’ve finally stopped worrying. Last person to lay in your bed, besides you? If it’s not Gabie, they’re not allowed to be on my bed. Other than people, I’ve only had Kimi lie in my bed. I’ve wanted to bring Cooper on it too, but I gotta give it to Kimi. My bed is his throne and it’ll stay his :) When's the last time you took a shower? This morning, but I’ll probs be taking another one tonight. Would you ever camp out on a beach under the stars? I honestly prefer a hotel/resort room nearby lolol. Idk, I just feel like too much sand around would just make me irritable, as much as I love the beach. Are you listening to music right now? If so, what? No music at the moment. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold. Freezing cold. Make me wear three layers of clothing under the thickest blanket. I’ve had enough of tropical climate. What were you doing at 7am this morning? Playing with the pup. Were you happy when you woke up this morning? I was mostly annoyed that my body clock woke me up so early again, actually. Has anyone gotten on your nerves today? Oh my godddd yeah. I went out to go to the vet today and I figured, why not see Gabie? I called her up thinking she’d be stoked about the idea, but being the worrier/pessimist she was she instead gave me a barrage of what if’s and just sounded so unenthusiastic. It killed off my excitement by 200% and by the end of the call I just wanted to stay home lmao. What are you excited for, if anything? More and more people from other colleges in my school are starting to upload their graduation photos on Facebook and I can’t wait for my opportunity aahhh. Do you think anyone is thinking of you right now? Doubt it. When was the last time you cried really hard? I don’t remember if it was this Monday or Tuesday. My mom got annoyed over a small issue and, unsurprisingly, took it out on me and my siblings. The words thrown to us that night were a little harsher than usual so I spent my sweet time crying when everyone was asleep and drowning myself in soju. When did you last hug someone? Who was it? An hour or so ago; Kimi. Are you afraid of roller coasters, or have you never been on one? I went on this beginner-level-type roller coaster in Singapore thinking that I could at least handle that one. I was wrong, and I had a headache for the rest of the day. How's life going for you? Welp. All of my grades are in, so I’m pretty much a graduate now but I’d like to wait for the email from my college to come in before I make anything official. I feel weird about it, sad about it...I should’ve been having my graduation ceremony this Sunday. I’m proud of myself for finishing, of course, but that feeling will never feel full now. It’s just unfortunate that a virus ruined the dream scenarios I had with my dream school. Other than that I’m really just letting the days pass by at home, but at least I’m genuinely happy with my dogs. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? I do one of that at least once a week, I’m sure. Are you keeping a secret right now? Sure. Can you go an hour without talking? Easily. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past week? Yes, my dad pulled me close for a hug earlier tonight to thank me for handling the Cooper stuff today. Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No, it’s perfectly resting on them at the moment. Are your nails painted? If so, what colour? Nopes. Do you know anyone else with your name? Two people with the same spelling, four people who share my name in general. Do you think you'll ever get married? Do you want to? I will, I’ll make it happen lol. Which do you prefer: summer or fall? If we had fall, I think I’d like it more because summer’s my least favorite anyway. Who do you care about the most? My friends and my dogs.

[bubbleteajuseyo]

Living My Best Atiny Life At Ateez's Global Fansign in NY | K-Music Mondays | Bubbleteajuseyo

안녕하세요 여러분! (*＾▽＾)／ 

How have you all been?

I want to say I'm sorry again for my past hiatuses and just not being consistent with uploading before (both videos and blog posts). I will for sure be more active on here (and eventually my channel, but that’s a discussion for another day).

And this post in particular, is long overdue and involves my weekend at KCon NY this past summer. 

KCon NY this year was....STRESSFUL AF! Part of me deep down had a feeling everything wasn't going to go well.

Why?

Because leading up to it all, so much was happening. And by that, so much good news and amazing opportunities were coming my way that I felt like the universe was going to be like "LOL, life is going too well right now, lets see how we can mess it up a bit."

*Side note: I don't care, call me crazy all you want. However, realizing now that Mercury was in retrograde, it all makes sense why it seemed like such a chaotic mess the entire weekend.*

From early check-in to literally that Sunday night on my train ride home, nothing went how I had hoped/planned. And not going to lie, for all this stress, I might as well go to KCON LA next summer or KCON Japan.

And on top of that, I haven't been feeling well the past several weeks (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and it's just been an unpleasant roller coaster ride. So there's that.

KCON NY 2019

Like I said, so many good things were happening weeks prior. From finding out so much good news that week to just feeling so great about myself.

But it was literally the morning of early check in, everything just started to take a turn for the worst.

From missing my train to early check-in being a mess, trying to trade my hi touch with someone in the heat and pretty much wasting my time; my weekend was starting off chaotic.

Then the first day of KCON wasn't any better. It felt even more hot and disgustingly humid than the day before, which made me grateful the convention was inside this year. But walking from Penn Station to Javits was not a good time.

I got completely lost in Javits trying to find the line to wait to go into the convention once it opened up.

Then, I decided to be boo boo the fool and go to starbucks inside Javits to drink that dumb b*tch juice. And to my surprise the queue line wrapped around into a huge crowd of people trying to figure out where the line formed/ended.

WE LOVE THAT.

Oh, and to top it off, in the middle of all that mess and ending up being stuck in the queue line, it was 11:30AM and I had to be at the Kakao Friends booth to claim my giveaway ticket for the show that night by 12PM.

I was so stressed and about to have a breakdown in the middle of the line.

Luckily, Kakao Friends was very understanding while I was dm-ing them the entire time. And to my surprise, I actually made it to the booth with about 5 minutes to spare.

As soon as I got my ticket, I did some mini exploring of the convention and found the merch table.  Before I knew it, it was time for my Ateez audience engagement.

At that moment I could not believe they were right in front of me and then I was reminded that the next day I had the global fansign event.

My friend even kept reminding me I was going to be sitting face-to-face with them the following day and part of me wanted to throw up. It was slowly sinking in, but not fully.

My friend and I actually left the fan engagement when they did hi-touch to see more of the convention. We came across a couple of Youtube creators along the way, attempted to win her a free ticket to the concert that night, and much more.

I will say, just like last year, I wish I did even more with the convention. Especially panels.

However, like last year, the schedule for KCON was just a lot.

There were some booths I was not able to attend and the line to get food was always way too long. I missed a few of the stages at the convention and some panels, which sort of sucked.

But, what can you do? It is what it is, I guess.

What was even more upsetting, just like last year, Kung Fu Tea ran out of boba in the middle of the convention. Truly devastating. 💔

Besides all of that it wasn't that bad. Still a sh*t show, but fun nonetheless. If I get the chance next year to go to KCON, I took notes again as to what I will do differently. Even then, I plan to experience KCON LA or Japan instead.

Now, if we fast forward to the concert, I am still shook.

I want to take the time to thank Kakao Friends again because if it wasn't for them, I would not have had the opportunity to attend the show. I will forever be grateful because I had such a good seat!

All of the performances did incredible, and of course, Ateez snatched my soul.

Their 'Sicko Mode' stage was *chef's kiss* remarkable. I do wish they did ‘Pirate King’ since I probably don't know if I will ever see that or their 'Pick It Up' performance live. Regardless they put on an amazing show.

*Side note: I know they did ‘Pick It Up’ and ‘Pirate King’ during Klub Kcon, but unfortunately I couldn’t attend that either. Big sad. ㅠㅠ*

I enjoyed the other performances like The Boyz, Iz*One, Nu'Est and TxT.

And let me say Iz*One is so pretty. I am still heartbroken that Everglow couldn't make it because I know their stage would have been incredible. However, Iz*One had a breathtaking stage and killed it.

With having time to fill, all of the artists did their best to fill in for Everglow's time slots and I couldn't be more proud. It was still a fun time and made up for the crappy events that happened during the day.

Now, let’s move on and discuss the following day and the best day.

Ateez Global Fansign in NY

Before going to the fansign, I had to run some errands basically at Javits Center before heading to the venue to line up. Such as giving my friend her tickets to the concert that night and selling my SF9 hi-touch since it was pretty much at the time of the fansign. 

I took an Uber from Javits to the theatre because it was too hot to walk and I still don’t know how to take the subway in NY. Also, was trying to not get sweaty and gross in the subway, or while walking either.

Upon arrival, I have to say, I was anxious as hell walking up to the line to wait. I wouldn’t say I felt out of place, but I was scared to try and make other Atiny friends. Which, I had nothing to be concerned about because the Atiny I met that day were so welcoming and that in itself was just so comforting. 

And right now I just want to take the time to give some shoutouts to my favorite Atiny.

I mentioned Whitnee and Deni I believe in a previous twitter thread or so, and they are literally sweet angels and I couldn’t be more grateful to have had the chance to meet them at the fansign. Whitnee was the first Atiny I spoke to as we waited in line for check-in, while Deni saved my life, so these two deserve the entire world and to live their best Atiny lives always and forever. So, a massive shout out to the two of them for being the first Atiny’s I encountered in real life. I adore you both and hope we can reunite soon!

And although I didn’t meet any of them at the fansign (which hoping to change all of that in the future), a massive shout out to the Hagtiny group chat. I love you hags with my whole heart and hope you live your best Atiny lives as well.

One more shout out to Aleah since I went up randomly to her and her friends and was like, “Anyone want a free Ateez album?” And since I had an extra one and we exchanged twitters, we literally have been friends since and met up again at the Mingi cafe event.

Oh, and thank you all for putting up with my soft hours on twitter and in text message.

There’s for sure more people on this shout out list, but I’m going to mention them in the another post. Otherwise, we may be here for a bit longer and I know you all want me to get back to discussing the fansign.

Now, where were we?

Oh, so after we all checked in and picked numbers, we found our seats. This is when emotions slowly creep up on you. As everyone gets settled and once they go over the rules and stuff for the event, suddenly the boys come out and pick their seating order.

Now, this is where it actually sinks in as they stand on stage in front of you in a small theatre. Then you remember that you will soon be sitting face to face with each member, one by one.

I drew number 98, so I was in the last row of the theatre and luckily it was elevated so I was able to still see everything. However, it was kind of a sucked. When you’re that far back waiting for your turn, your nerves just build up more and more.

So, not only were my nerves getting the best of me, my head was hurting, I was nauseous, and exhausted. But this was because I was also running off of little to no sleep, and didn’t eat all day. Therefore, I owe Deni my entire soul and one of my kidneys. She saved me by giving me a bite of the granola bar she was eating and water so I can take advil for my headache and to just have something in my stomach to hold me over. She also comforted me while we waited. Not only did Deni prevent me from dying, we actually spoke the entire time. Had like 800 trips to the bathroom and played games in the back row, such as: how many members can we get to ‘hit the woah’ with us. 

I blew a kiss to Hongjoong then he blew one back and then mimicked me freaking out and losing my sh*t. And this was when there was one to two rows ahead before it became our turn.

So, being in the last row honestly wasn’t that much of a bummer. It was actually a lot of fun. So I’d rather be in the back for a fansign again.

Finally, the time comes. Our row gets called up. I’m lowkey worried I’ll collapse or something while going up and down the stairs. The staff checks our post-it questions and then we wait until it’s our turn to sit down.

Once it was my turn to sit down, I almost lost it. My biggest fear was them having San start the line. And what do you know, Wooyoung (he chose the seat order) did me dirty.

The order was: San, Wooyoung, Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi, Hongjoong, Yeosang, Jongho.

Then again, regardless of the order, I would have died internally anyway. BUT, Choi San just-

Let me take another moment to express how Choi San literally ruins me and is at the top of my bias wrecking list. That smile. Oh my, that smile. That is what gets me everytime and for him to start the line and smiling the way he does, I was done.

So, I sat down with San and just when I thought I would lose it because of that smile...I actually felt comforted? Like the nerves started to die down a bit. Same goes for Wooyoung,which him and Jongho intimidated me at first.

I mean I’m still intimidated by Jongho, but I’ll talk about that another time. And as for Wooyoung, I have the biggest soft spot for him.

But as I moved from each member, the nerves just kept decreasing and it turned into pure comfort and happiness.

In this twitter thread I describe in detail my experience with each member, along with a clip I found from another Atiny’s video of me interacting with Mingi. I hope you all enjoy reading the thread.

Speaking of which, here is another shout out to JaNey because I was looking to see if anyone recorded the entire fansign and came across her channel to discover she basically did. And when I say I was so happy, I cried.

The one thing I really regret from the fansign, was not bringing my DSLR nor having the courage to ask someone to record me.

And now, here is a really soft and emotional moment. With those being on my list of things I wish I did and didn’t do, comes this one thought (or many thoughts).

I am super grateful for this experience. Beyond grateful, actually. I almost didn’t even try for this fansign because I honestly thought I would not have gotten in. I’m glad I took the chance.

However, the more I think about it, that may have been my only chance. Again, I’m super grateful for the opportunity, since I know there are some who still haven’t gotten to experience meeting them. But, when the chance comes and goes, you can’t help but think what if you never get to do it again? Then you really start to miss them. It’s a very complicated feeling to explain right now.

Maybe that’s me being a little selfish, but there is so much I wish I could have said or done, that I didn’t get to say or do.

That’s why it sort of hurts when I see some people I'm mutuals with getting attacked for attending multiple events like fansigns. Because if I could, I would do the same. And I also think they may feel the same way, not knowing when it will be their last time meeting them. 

Therefore, I live vicariously through them. And I hope every Atiny gets to have that moment. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get more chances in the future, but I could only be so lucky. So, I won’t get my hopes up too much. Like I said though, I’m super grateful that my first fansign experience in general was with Ateez.

I don’t even know where to begin with how happy these boys make me, it’s been a long time since a group has had me feeling like this. Maybe I’ll do a massive blog post explaining this.

Leave a reply to this blog post telling me how happy Ateez makes you.

Overall, my weekend for KCON was definitely one of the many highlights of my year. Despite coming across a lot of bumps in the road, I appreciate the fact that I was allowed to have such a remarkable and memorable time. The highlight, of course, being the fansign.

Not only did I get to meet the 8 boys who have had a huge impact on my life, but I have developed some heartwarming friendships since then.

Ateez & Atiny make one team. 💖

I want to thank you all for reading this blog post. 

Also, please hit that follow button for my blog. Even drop some suggestions in my ask box for what you would like to see for K-Music Monday posts. Or even reply below to this post. I’d be truly grateful either way. *^^*

Thank you so much again for reading this post and if you haven’t already, make sure you join the #BOBASquad to receive exclusive newsletters regarding my channel, blog and my journey to finally move to Korea.

And make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell to my channel for when I finally end another hiatus that I’ve been on. Because I’ve been on this rollercoaster when it comes to feeling confident enough to film and upload. There will definitely be a whole video to the blog post I’ll be uploading on here.

I want to add, if anyone wishes to donate and support this adventure I’m on to move to Korea for university, please check out my Ko-fi page. 

All earnings will be going into my savings account for future projects I have planned for my blog/channel to be a full-time content creator, to save an go back to Korea in Summer 2020, and then officially move to Seoul by 2021.

This isn’t really about me, this is about how many people can I bring with me on this adventure to motivate to take the leap themselves.

I really hope you all enjoyed this post and thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Until next time~

감사합니다!

나중에 봐요! 💕

[swans-and-pirates]

The Art of Remembering (7/?)

Summary: Killian hasn’t seen Emma in months, not since she ran off in the middle of the night. But when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that she’s been in an accident he rushes to be by her side. Nervous and anxious to see her again he’s not sure what to expect—but he definitely doesn’t anticipate that upon waking she would have no idea who he is. Modern au

Word Count: ~4,000

Rating: T

Also on: ff.net, ao3

Catch up: first chapter, previous chapter 

a/n: Thanks for reading (and putting up with angst) Your reviews and kind words about this little story mean the world to me.

Killian usually loves being out on the boats this time of year—the air is cool, and October is beginning to paint the leaves around the harbor brilliant shades of red, yellow, and orange. But no matter how breathtaking the scenery around him might be, he doesn’t really see any of it.

Instead his focus remains firmly fixed on the brush in his hand as he scrubs the deck of the Jolly Roger with a bit more intensity than the task actually warrants. With his shirt pushed up to his elbows and his hands wet with suds, Killian pushes and pulls the scrubbing brush with enough vigor to wear a hole through the wood.

But he has to get his frustrations out somewhere, and so the poor deck gets the brunt of it.

His thoughts have been a non-stop torrent all morning long. Racing an incessant path back and forth along his mind as he tries to figure out what to do about Emma and her desire to look at the pictures he has of her.

When she’d innocently suggested it last night—so hopeful and happy at the prospect of triggering more memories—Killian had panicked.

He’d made up some excuse about needing to find and organize them, but his frantic words had been nothing more than a lie made by a desperate man.

Of course he has pictures of her, that’s not the problem. The problem is that he has too many pictures of her.

Too many pictures of them together, of him kissing her cheek or holding her close. He has too many pictures of her laughing in the sunlight, and too many pictures of her in the early mornings, her hair a mess and her eyes still filled with sleep.

He has too many pictures that show just how much in love with her he was.

How much in love with her he still is.

And he panicked.

He’s been trying to tell himself all morning that it’s because Emma’s not ready to know the extent of their relationship just yet—but he knows that, though this may be true, deep down a big part of it is also because he’s not ready for her to know yet.

He’s selfish and a coward, because he’s scared she’ll run off again when she does find out and he’s not ready to face that pain again. He’s not ready to lose her again. And he hates himself just a little because he feels like he’s mixing up what’s best for Emma and what’s best for him, when he went into this whole thing vowing to always do what’s right by her.

So with a grunt he pushes all his self-loathing and frustration out into the soaps and suds he’s spreading across the ships surface.

“Are you trying to clean the deck or punch a hole through it? Because I really can’t tell.”

Looking up, Killian spots Will leaning casually against the side of the ship with his arms crossed, a smug and amused expression spread across his features.

Sitting back on his heels, Killian reaches up and wipes a bit of sweat from his brow before cranking his neck to the side as he tries to stretch away the stiffness that comes from being hunched over all morning.  He’s really not in the mood to deal with Will at the moment and he knows the look he shoots his way is anything but patient.

“Shove off, Scarlet,” Killian huffs, tossing the brush into the bucket of water next to him, not caring when the water sloshes and spills out of it, creating fresh puddles on the otherwise spotless deck.  

Pulling himself to his feet, Killian wipes his hands along his jeans and dries them off. The air is just a little chilly, but the breeze feels good as it blows past him, cooling his heated skin.

Reaching down, he picks up the bucket and begins making his way to the gangplank, all while making a pointed effort to ignore the man beside him. But Will simply pushes himself off the railing and follows after, completely unfazed.

“I watched you clean the same spot for a solid five minutes. What’s got you all miffed?”

Killian doesn’t say anything as he walks towards the small building they use as both a supply shed and office of sorts. When he reaches the door he wrenches it open, clenching his jaw as he stomps inside, hoping that Scarlett will just take the hint and leave him alone.  

But of course he doesn’t, and after setting the bucket in the corner and plopping down at his desk, Killian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’m really not in the mood, Will.”  

“It’s Emma again, innit?”

Opening his eyes, Killian finds Will sitting at his own desk, his eyebrow raised expectantly. He knows that the man isn’t going to leave him alone until he says something, and who knows, maybe it will feel good to release some of his pent up feelings into the air—so with a sigh Killian rubs a hand along his scruff and slumps a little further into his chair.

“Aye, it’s Emma. She remembered something last night, which is wonderful. I haven’t seen her that happy since the accident.”

Killian pauses, thinking of the way her eyes had shinned as she’d relayed her newest memory. How it had made his own heart lift as he’d shared in that happiness with her. But then he thinks about how not even seconds later he’d doused the light in her eyes when he’d made a painfully obvious evasion of her wish to look at pictures. Her disappointment and confusion still wrench at his gut and lay heavy on his heart, and if possible, he feels even worse than he did a minute ago as he scrubbed the deck.  

“And the bad part is?” Will prompts, pulling Killian from his thoughts. He looks up at his business partner to see him waiting  with his eyebrows raised as he tries to figure out what Emma’s memories have to do with Killian bruising the deck of his beloved ship.

With a groan, Killian tips back in his chair and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, hoping the action will help ease the beginnings of the headache that is starting form in the center of his forehead.

But when it doesn’t, Killian drags his hands down the rest of his face and blows out a puff of air. “She asked if we could look at pictures,” he finally continues. “She’s hoping it will help trigger more memories while she’s essentially couch-ridden and can’t go anywhere.”

“Ah, I see. And you don’t want her to see all the pictures you have of the two of you smooching and making eyes at each other.”

“Something like that,” Killian mumbles to himself as he turns around and opens his laptop. It’s about a thousand times more complicated than that but he doesn’t feel like delving into the reasons why with Will Scarlett.

“I don’t see why this has got you all worked up, mate. I feel like there’s a real simple solution.”  

A squeaking noise begins to come from behind him and Killian doesn’t need to turn around to know Will is spinning in his chair. He does it all the time, but today the noise only grates on Killian’s nerves and he has to resist the temptation to smash his head into his keyboard.

“What, pray tell, is this magical solution?” Killian asks, the exasperation clear in his voice.

“It’s easy.” Killian hears Will get out of his chair and walk over to him. Clasping his hand on Killian’s shoulder he continues, “Just upload everything to your computer and pick the ones you’re ready for her to see and get them printed. She doesn’t have to see the rest.”  

Silence settles between them as Killian considers this. He’d thought of this already, made plans to do it a dozen times, but for some reason it just doesn’t feel that simple.

It can’t be that easy because he doesn’t deserve it to be, not with the way he’s hiding things from her.  Yet hearing the idea come from a place other than his own brain has a way of clearing his thoughts.  

Maybe it is that simple.

Maybe he’s beating himself up too much about this. Maybe it really is as simple as printing out a few pictures.

Sensing the shift in Killian’s mood, Will begins taking a few steps toward the door. “I have some work I still need to get done. I’ll leave you alone to figure things out.”

Nodding in acknowledgment Killian opens a drawer and pulls out a cord that will connect his phone to his laptop, hardly hearing the door shut as Will leaves the room.

It takes a while for everything to upload, but once it does he immediately begins making a separate file of pictures he feels like he can show Emma.

For the most part he steers clear of pictures of just the two of them—choosing instead pictures of them in larger groups. Friend dinners at Mary Margaret’s and David’s, one of Liam with them at Granny’s diner, and a few of the sailing trip they’d all gone on last summer.

He feels safe picking a few of Emma by herself, ones that aren’t personal or intimate in any way. Just ones of her around the city—pictures a friend might take.

It takes him far longer than it should to go through all the pictures, mostly because he keeps stopping to laugh or smile at some of his favorite ones.

The only problem is he counts every picture with Emma in it as a favorite one, and so he ends up spending well over an hour going through all of them.

There’s one in particular that takes considerable effort for him to stop looking at in order to click on to the next one. It’s one of them out on his boat. Emma had taken his phone and snapped a picture just as Killian had turned to whisper something in her ear. As a result, the picture has only Emma facing the camera, her smile bright and her green eyes squinting against the sunlight while Killian has his nose buried in her hair as he smiles against her skin.

They look so happy, and so carefree, and Killian finds a few tears slipping free as he stares at it. There was a time when he was so sure that Emma loved him back, and he misses those days more than he can say. Misses the days when there wasn’t a lingering ache in his chest just waiting to remind him how hollow he actually feels.

With a sigh he wipes at his eyes and shakes his head before moving on to the next photo. The last thing he needs is to get emotional, not if he wants to have a clear head when he brings Emma the pictures.

It doesn’t take much longer to scroll through the rest, especially since he’s careful not to dwell on anymore particularly emotional ones. Soon enough he feels like he has a sufficient amount to show Emma, and so he copies them onto a USB and heads off to get them printed.

~

Standing outside his apartment door, Killian fidgets with the large manila envelope that rests heavy in his hands. He’s been standing there for a solid minute, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he alternates between staring at the door handle and at his feet.

It’s silly, to be nervous to walk into his own home, but he finds the nerves flurrying around inside him at a rapid speed.

He hasn’t seen Emma since last night, seeing as he’d purposefully left that morning before she woke up, hoping to avoid a repeat of the night before. They’d hardly said two words to each other as they ate dinner; an awkward tension resting between them after he’d stumbled and stammered more than a few times, still stressed about the pictures she wanted see on his phone.

It probably wasn’t the best move, leaving without seeing her. He has no idea what she’s feeling and therefore has no idea how she’s going to react to him now. Not to mention it’s a little earlier in the day then he usually gets home and so he knows she won’t be expecting him.  He can only hope that she’s forgiven him for his odd behavior last night, and that she’ll be satisfied with the pictures he’s printed for her.

With a deep breath, Killian licks at his lips and steels himself. Placing a hand on the doorknob, he turns it and pushes his way inside before he has another chance to overthink things.

He can hear the quiet murmur of the T.V. as he walks through the doorway, and once he spots her he smiles slightly to himself despite his nervousness.

He can only see the back of her head, but she looks cozy with her hair piled on top of her head and a mug of what he can probably guess is hot chocolate warming her hands. She sits in the same spot she was in yesterday, with her legs lying out in front of her and blanket wrapped around them.

That spot has quickly turned into her self-designated resting spot of sorts, and he’s happy to see her there, happy to see her healing.

It’s as he’s placing his keys on the table that Emma finally hears him. Surprised, she turns her head quickly, relaxing a little once she realizes it’s him.

She doesn’t say anything right away, just looks him up and down for a second—and there’s a hesitancy in her eyes that makes Killian’s chest tighten. She’s only hesitant because of the way he acted, and to have her look so cautious after the pure joy she’d greeted him with only yesterday is not an easy thing to swallow.

He’s determined to fix it though, to bring back yesterday’s happiness. He’d do anything to be the reason for her smile again.

“Hey, Swan,” he says softly, trying to lace his tone with a confidence he’s not too sure he has right now.

She eyes him for a moment longer before responding. “You’re home early.”

“Aye, well I had some things to get done away from the harbor this evening.” Killian pauses as he looks down at the envelope in his hand. “I uh…I brought something for you.”

Emma’s eyebrow perks up as she tilts her head. “Oh?”

Lifting the envelope to show her, Killian lets out a small, nervous laugh. “I got some pictures printed. We can look at them now if you’d like.”

A beat of silence passes between them as Emma continues to look at him, and Killian feels the same panic from yesterday start to return. What if she says no? Has he messed up so badly that she now wants nothing to do with him?

Eventually, a small smile begins to lift her lips, softening her features, and Killian immediately releases an audible breath of relief.

“I’d like that,” Emma says, nodding her head. She places her mug on the coffee table in front of her and begins to carefully shift to a more upright position, swinging her legs off the couch to make room for him.

Killian doesn’t miss the way she winces as she does it, but he refrains from asking if she needs help, not wanting to disrupt this tentative peace between them. Instead, he quickly makes his way over to sit next to her without saying anything.

Their eyes meet for a second, and Killian offers her a small smile before looking down and opening the envelope. Pulling the pictures out, he hands the stack to Emma who takes them and immediately pulls them closer to her.  

She looks at the first picture in silence and Killian watches and waits for her to say something.  

The first one is the one of them at Granny’s with Liam, they’re laughing as they try to squeeze in for a selfie. A little bit of the diner is visible behind them, and it’s a happy and bright picture.

Emma looks at it a little longer, her eyes drinking in every detail as if she’s willing it to trigger a memory, before she finally looks up at Killian.

“Who’s that?” she asks, pointing to Liam.

“That would be my brother Liam. He’s stubborn and a bit full of himself but you like him well enough.”

Emma looks back at the picture and smiles. “Okay I can see it a little now—he looks like you.”

Killian chuckles softly. “Aye, a little. I’m much more dashing though.”

Emma’s smile grows as she laughs, and Killian chuckles softly with her. It’s strange how something as simple as the sound of her laughter can lift his heart.

“Where are we?”

“This would be Granny’s diner, home of your favorite grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings. The same one I brought you while you were in the hospital.”

She nods, accepting his answer before she moves on to the next picture. This one is of just her and she looks at it for a minute but doesn’t ask any questions before she silently moves on to the next one.

They go through the pictures like this for almost an hour. Emma’s mostly quiet as she soaks in everything. Some photos she spends a longer time on than others and those are usually the ones she has questions about. Killian is content to just watch her, answering each of her questions patiently and only giving her the details she seeks.

She smiles and laughs at a few, but it’s not until she reaches a large group photo that she seems to grow solemn. It’s a picture taken at Mary Margaret’s and David’s with nearly all of their friends. Emma’s smiling in the very center, holding little Leo. Anyone looking at it can see just how happy she is, it practically radiates out of the photo.

It’s one of Killian’s favorites, simply because of how happy she looks in it. So he’s a little surprised when he sees Emma’s eyes begin to water. She swallows thickly, brushing a tentative finger over the picture.

“Emma?” Killian calls her name quietly, but still she starts as if he’d shouted. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Emma says quickly, brushing him off just as effectively as she brushes away the tear that escapes her eyes.

Had this been months ago, when Emma still had her memories and they were still together, Killian would’ve pushed. He knows when something’s troubling her and he knows she sometimes needs a bit of encouragement to share what weighs down her heart. But things are so fragile now, and the last thing he wants to do is to pressure her and end up pushing her away, shattering what little trust he’s built.

So he swallows down what he wants to say and lets her keep her silence.

But to his surprise, she doesn’t. And not a second later she’s opening up to him.

“It’s just—” she sighs, keeping her eyes fixed on the picture in her hands. “It’s just I’ve never had…friends like this before…I’m not really a friends type of person, and so much of my life I’ve spent alone. So it’s hard to imagine a life where I have anything different.”

Killian is well aware of the lack of love in her past, he knows of the years she spent abandoned and alone out on the streets. And it hurts him to know that without her memories this is where she still feels like she is emotionally. That she doesn’t know just how loved she is.

Reaching for her, Killian gently wraps his hand around hers and smiles softly when she finally looks up at him. He hesitates before saying anything, worried that it’s going to be too much and that he’s going to push her too far. But he can’t stand the thought of her thinking she’s still that lonely girl who thinks she doesn’t matter to anyone.

“Emma,” he breathes her name, and he wonders if she can hear just how much he loves her when he says it. “There are so many people that care about you. You have friends that would do anything for you. You’re not alone anymore. In fact you are very, very loved.”

Killian can hear the breath catch in her chest, and her eyes widen as they lock with his. It’s as if the air is suddenly too thin and he finds it difficult to inhale any air of his own as he waits for her to respond.

The last time she got even an inkling of how many people were now in her life, she got overwhelmed and ran off. He can only hope he’s not spurring on a similar incident.  

But she doesn’t say anything. She just continues to stare at him with wide eyes that begin to water ever so slightly.

Seconds pass, and something seems to shift between them, and suddenly the way she continues to hold his gaze sends fire blazing through his veins.

She blinks at him, her lashes fluttering as her lips part slightly. And as her eyes flick to his lips, where she stares for just a moment before she lifts her gaze to meet his again, Killian feels as though he’s going to be consumed by this warmth that’s spreading through him.  

He has to swallow thickly, his heart suddenly fighting against his rib cage.

Everything inside him wants to pull her to him, wants to make the memory of her lips against his a reality again. And right now, fighting down that desire is harder than he ever could have imagined.

Finally, Emma breaks eye contact, looking down at the pictures in her lap and Killian releases a heavy breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“I guess Boston was a good move for me then,” she says, her voice soft and quiet.

Killian can only nod, still caught up in the way her eyes had held his.

With a sigh Emma thumps the edges of the photos against her lap, realigning them, before she tries to hand them back to him.

Killian holds up his hands. “No, love, you keep them. This way you can look at them whenever you wish and maybe they’ll start triggering some memories.”

She nods as she leans forward and places them on the coffee table next to her hot chocolate. “Thank you, Killian.” She pauses, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear as she looks at him, tentative and unsure. “I was about to start a movie, do you want to watch it with me?”

She bites down on her lip as she waits for him to answer, the green of her eyes still sparkling with her emotions.

Killian’s insides are a mess, and he is quite certain that she is going to be the death of him. She has no idea just how much of an affect she has on him, of the feelings she stirs inside him.

Taking a deep breath to get better control of himself and his voice, Killian lifts his lips in a small smile. “I’d love to.”

“Good.”

And her answering smile is all the reward he’ll ever need.

[amaintainedrisk]

lol, we have a tornado warning and instead of calling me to warn me and make sure I’m aware, and I’m safe, my mother calls my aunt to make sure she and my cousins are aware first even though they aren’t in the path of it. She was on the phone with them for over 20 minutes and after she hung up, not only did she not call me second, she didn’t call me at all. I was standing out in the hallway listening to the whole conversation. She kept going on and on about how worried she was for them and she wanted them to stay safe and she did not give a fuck about me at all. She was watching TV at the same time and it was on a local station where they were breaking in with the tornado warning and she kept saying “oh God it looks really bad, It might hit us over here at the apartment complex.“ and not one time did she mention my name or even think to let me know so I would have a good chance of survival. She just stayed on the phone with her beloved sister and nieces and nephews and even after she hung up, she didn’t even call me or come up to get me. She didn’t care at all. At all. It broke my heart but I don’t know why I keep letting this shit surprise me.

at least it wasn’t like the conversation she had with my aunt yesterday where she called her and told her I was being my usual self, a.k.a. horrible person and I kept attacking her and yelling at her and saying things to her like I couldn’t believe how stupid she was and I don’t think she can do anything right. The only problem with her saying those things to my aunt is the fact that her and I didn’t even talk that day. I’ve been avoiding her because of how cruel she’s been about Carly. That’s another story. So I did not talk to her at all yesterday but yet she’s calling my aunt and lying to her to make me look bad so my aunt will abuse me the next time she sees me.

And yet… I’m surprised she didn’t warn me about the tornado morning?

I still haven’t been able to get Carly to the vet because he just won’t stop freaking out if I take him out of the room and I don’t want to have a heart attack. But he won’t eat at all anymore, he’s just drinking wet cat food. Like gravy and things like that. So I told Mom to keep buying wet cat food because that’s all he’s eating and I don’t want him to waste away and starve to death. Her response? She can’t keep buying him that kind of food because of money reasons, money reasons that I know aren’t true. we might not be rolling in money but she’s acting like we don’t have a dime to our name and she keeps exaggerating about how much the bills are to make it look that way. Little does she know that I also get an email for about 80% of the bills the same way she does so I know how much it actually costs. Like she said the electric bill was $400 this month when it was only $202. Not only did I check the email but I I called the electric company and they confirmed it. She’s fucking lying about that so she wouldn’t have to buy Carly food. Then she turned around and said she has no food her self because she’s buying him all this food. Again, another lie. The refrigerator and all the cupboards downstairs are covered in food that she bought for herself. And when she said that to me a few days back, I got angry and went down there and threw open the refrigerator and the cupboards and said “you have no food? What’s all this?“ and she started stuttering and saying it’s not real food, it’s barely ingredients to make actual food but she doesn’t have any actual food. I didn’t argue with her because I don’t even know what the fuck that means, but I know it’s a lie because I checked the labels. Are used the zoom on my phone and it took over an hour to check like 20% of what’s down there and I gave myself a massive headache, but I looked and it is not ingredients. It’s real food. Again, whatever the fuck that means. But now she’s trying to say that either she eats or Carly eats, but it can’t be both and that’s absolute bullshit.

I told her as much because I will sit here and suffer if it comes to me but I will not let Carly suffer if he doesn’t have to. No way. Then she told me that either she buys Carly food or she buys me food but she can’t buy both. So now she’s telling me it’s either me or Carly and I picked Carly even though I know she’s full of shit. I’m blind, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t drive to the store myself and she has my Social Security card with all my money on it and she won’t give it to me. I’m at her mercy. So this is day three without me eating. I carly is more important and I hate playing her fucking game but she knows I have no choice. She’s using a carly against me to hurt me.

by the way, I don’t eat that much. Because of my stomach problems I only eat once a day. It’s been that way for many many years. And about seven times out of 10, it’s just a bowl of cereal. Just one bowl. A box of cereal lasts me a week and a half. And she’s telling me that’s too much money to spend to feed me. A gallon of milk every two days and a box of cereal once a week, that’s all I’m eating and that’s too much to pay. She gets paid. I get paid Social Security income. And we both get food stamps. But yet, she can’t afford to buy me a box of cereal and some milk. Right. She’s doing that to punish me. What else is new? just fucking imagine how hard it would’ve been on me had I been a normal person that eats three square meals a day. Like, threefull square meals. I only eat once a day and it’s a bowl of cereal so I really don’t see how that’s even a square meal. But yet, too much. She either buys Carly cat food or she buys me food. That’s the choice I’ve been given so now I’ve been scrounging around in my room trying to find snacks like old saltines or leftover cereal somewhere so I can eat. But Carly is more important. he needs that food more than I do.

Oh, and I got it all on tape, too. I recorded all of that. I Recorder her screaming at me because I love Carly and yes she said exactly that. I should not care that much about that cat. I care more about that cat than her. I have her on tape parading me for a half hour and calling me names simply because I want my 16-year-old cat to live. I will upload that sometime in the beginning of next week. I don’t have it in me this weekend. And I can’t even say why exactly because I know if somebody sees this and turns her in, she will definitely get arrested for it. She out right committed a crime and I can’t say shit about it because if I turn her in and she gets arrested, I end up in a homeless shelter or a group home because I have nowhere to go. And I wouldn’t even be able to take Carly, he would have to be put down and that’s exactly what I have been trying to keep from happening this month. So if she goes to jail, it will actually hurt me more than her. Until I have another place to go, I’m stuck and she knows it.

look how my family treats me and abuses me. How much they hate me. And people wonder why am so attached to Carly. For 16 years he’s been the only family member to show me any love back. For 16 years he’s dried my tears. For 16 years the heart that he has that speeding inside him right now is the only heart that has ever beaten for me and loved me. He’s never abused me or made me feel hated. He may just be a cat but he is the only Family member who cares. At all. I don’t want to lose that because if he goes, I will be completely and totally alone. He is the only reason I have hung on this long because I always knew at least I had him. There is at least one other living being here that loved me and wanted me. Once that’s gone, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

that’s a lie. That’s a complete lie. I’m sorry. I know exactly what I��m going to do once that’s gone, which is why I want him to stick around because once he’s gone… We are both gone. I can’t do this alone. I need SOMEBODY with me, otherwise the loneliness will be too much to bear. I am trying so hard to keep him going but my mother is doing everything she can to not only let him die but let him die painfully and I will not allow that. The day she stops buying food for Carly is the day I do turn her in because then Carly and I have nothing else to lose so she doesn’t know it but she’s playing with fire.

and I’m not going to give her a heads up about that because she won’t even give me a heads up about a tornado warning. Sirens are going off now, by the way. And I’m on the second floor and she still hasn’t notified me yet. She does not care about me at all. She’s just down there right now talking to her beloved sister, a.k.a. her real daughter. And I’m honestly wondering if the reason she isn’t warning me is because she wants me to die. Then she’ll be free of me burdening her. I try to tell myself not to be that dramatic but… Why isn’t she warning me? If I go downstairs right now I bet anything she’s hiding in a closet like she was the last time. And she just left me up here to take what comes. It honestly feels like she’s doing it on purpose end it breaks my heart. this is why I need Carly. This is why. Without him, this is all I have and I am not strong enough to take that all by myself.

oh, and earlier today I was downstairs when I heard on the TV about the shooting in Virginia. I ran to my phone to Google how far away Virginia Beach was to where Christina lives so I could see if she had been at risk, and my mother asked what I was doing. And I told her I was worried about my friend because she lives in Virginia and AGAIN she made it about her. “You care more about your friend than you do your own mother. Just like that cat.“

and all I fucking did was trying to check to see if Christina was OK. I tried to see if my friend got shot and my mother took that as an insult to her. She is the most immature, selfish self absorbed person I have ever met and known about. Well, next to my aunt obviously. They are both straddling that little wine. honestly, they are more self-absorbed than fucking Donald Trump. That’s bad.

sirens just got louder. Both Niles Ohio and Warren Ohio have their sirens blaring now. I can hear both because I live right on the city line. Right on it. To the point where some of the bills are from the city of Niles and some are from the city of Warren because of the way my address is. I am right in the middle of both cities so I can hear both cities sirens when they go off and now both of them are going off. And still, no phone calls. No coming up to get me. She still down there on the phone worried about her real family.

I cannot Lisa carly. I cannot do this life without him. I cannot take the way they hurt me and do it completely alone without any comfort from another living creature. If he dies, I die. I can’t do this alone. My family hates me so much. They just hate me so much and I don’t know why. I’m not saying I’m completely innocent but nobody deserves what they do to me. Look at what I’ve posted on my VINEO Account. Look at what I posted in past entries. For God sake, look at what I just posted in the century. There is nothing that anyone could do to deserve to be treated that way. No one deserves to be paraded because they were afraid their friend got shot in… Never mind it doesn’t matter. i’ve rambled on and on once again because I could not hold it in this time. I’ve been holding it in for over two weeks and I just couldn’t do it again tonight. She left me up here to die. How the fuck am I supposed to hold that in? I am so alone and so hate it and I don’t know what to do. Right now my priority is Carly. He needs to go see a vet but he is too panicky to be taken anywhere. He needs a mobile vet but I can’t find any that are willing to come to my area. And he won’t get better without a vet.How the fuck am I supposed to hold that in? I am so alone and so hate it and I don’t know what to do. Right now my priority is Carly. He needs to go see a vet but he is too panicky to be taken anywhere. He needs a mobile vet but I can’t find any that are willing to come to my area. And he won’t get better without a vet. It’s A vicious circle and I don’t know what to do to help him. I just need a break. Carly needs a break. We need to get away from here.

Where ever we go, we are going together. It’s just a simple as that. I’m not going to live like this all alone and by myself, and I’m sure as hell not going to make a carly do the same. Whether we leave this apartment or just leave this earth all together, we are going together. What happen tonight just cemented my resolve in that.

The news just said a tornado has touchdown 3 miles west of here. Which means it’s coming this way. Whatever happens, Carly and I will face it together. Whether it’s the storm or my family, we will face it together just like we have the last 16 years.

i’m done talking for tonight. I have to keep my eye on the weather and monitor it with no distractions. I honestly don’t think it’s going to come down our street or anything, but if it does, I want to be prepared because I’m not going downstairs. I’m staying up here with him. But I need to focus.

i’m sorry for whining again. At the age of 33 years old, there is no excuse for any of this. I’m sorry. I love you.

[ecotone99]

How do you tell?

I do not know if you all have heard, but the world as you know is changing.

Some of you might still be blissfully unaware, busy being awed with your newest smart phone, smart TV, alexa, SIRI, new game station, Fire Stick, Chromecast yada yada yada.

I know! They are all brilliant!

Self-driven cars!! Why not? We would all like to drink more openly while driving a car now! No need to hide that bottle lads/ladies!

Have you all heard of the app which can diagnose your symptoms? Pretty cool… You can save tons in medical consultations. I just don’t have that one diagnosis but multiple ones!! And you all pay money to just get that one! Tsk tsk!!

Remote surgery anyone? Now the agoraphobics amongst you do not even have to go out to a hospital! Talk about enabling!

You know I was born at the time and at a place (erstwhile third world, now the developing countries for the politically correct ones, if you must know) where the most fun we had was with five stones that you pick after careful consideration from amongst the pile that mother earth has such an abundance of. I tell you, the decisions were sometimes hard. I didn’t get to hear about a computer till 7th grade! Floppy disks were a miracle! Minesweeper anyone?!

Anyway, I also lived up to the stereotype of a child from an Asian family. Hardworking like a donkey! Bright as a bulb. Social skills- insufficient. Took up science, then biomedical engineering. And like a high achieving Asian, climbed the ladder of the corporate field that is medical technology with such vigor that other equally socially deficient bright bulbs were left fuming and with palpable envy.

I spent the last 8 years, quite blissfully. Since my peer circles were to a great extent made up of people like me, I didn’t really feel that I was lacking in anything. Till I met Zach. I was quite flummoxed when I was first introduced to him. this was 2 or so years ago. He gave me a high five… a high five when I had extended my dominant hand to shake his hands. I wanted to send the message across with my iron grip that I was the boss of the project which I now woefully had to share with him. Damn the high five! Should I have hit the hand really hard? To send the message across? And he called me Bro!

What?!

I just met him! So he gives me this wide grin, “alraaaaaaighht bro”s me and puts his hand up for a high five!!! I tell you, what an unforeseen turn of events.

Anyway, I think I am diverting from the important topic here. Did I forget to tell you guys that I am also drunk right now? Oh… scrolled up… no mention of it! I apologize. I AM drunk!... I also realized that substance use of fermented variety makes me uncharacteristically loquacious! I was called a “hoot”! Hah! Me! A hoot! By Zach’s really cool friends. Where was i?

Ah yeah! So, I met Zach. He was incredibly frustrating! Constantly telling me to “Chill Bro!”, “We are already overtiming man, let’s take a break bro!”, “Have you seen this new thing on Instagram? Its hilarious bro!”

What’s with this “bro” thing? I haven’t even been introduced to his mother yet! I think he has a whole different kind of social deficiency! But who am I to judge! When he is not aggravating me during working hours, he could actually be quite a companionable fellow. He is always smiling, always helping others out (which causes a lot of suspicions amongst the work mates). He often cracks “jokes”! I think they are meant to be funny, I get clued in only after he laughs and says, “get it?!” Not really, but I still laugh. Surprisingly, it has been making me feel quite upbeat.

So, one day, he tells me that he and some of his friends are going out for drinks. Would I like to join them? My puritanical instinct was to say no, but in the last 8 years my routine had pretty much been the same. I thought why not seek some adventure. I can always order diet soda! So that was some night, I think my diet soda went on to become two glasses of beer, three shots of vodka, three whiskey sours and a diet soda! Full circle.

That’s when I discovered a whole different side of me. Did I tell you alcoholism runs in the family? I came from the loins of a very frustrated, very hardworking man who self-medicated himself with bottles and bottles of liquor. I think I am digressing again.

Let me tell you about the night when I went out with Zach and his friends. The party had already started by the time I had reached. It was quite a crowded pub. Amongst the yelling and vigorous back slapping, I gathered that Zach’s friends (two other men) were some sort of entrepreneurs (whatever that means). They seemed affable. Peers of our own age, appropriately groomed, the same easy laugh that Zach had. Long story short, we started talking about our project.

So here is where the story gets interesting. Did I tell you all that the world as you know is changing? This statement at it’s best is an understatement, at its worst, it is an apocalyptic prophecy.

Just to give you guys a parallel, did you all hear about the very recent scientific breakthrough in China, where this gene-editing scientist claims to have altered the genetic coding of a pair of twins? To make them HIV resistant! Does this sound crazy to you all? In our world, it is not. It’s a whole different thing though to actually say it out to the world because gene-editing is banned. Never mind that. I am not part of that project. We are not working with gene editing.

We work with consciousness. Yep! The one ring to ring to bind them all. So anyway, I mentioned driverless cars, voice assistants and intelligent health care. The great advent of artificial intelligence. No no, no one is arnolding the world right now, I mean terminating. So, what does all that lead to? Longer life. Better health care has added more productive years to many privileged people. But you know how it is, you find the cure for one disease a new one crops up. Also, there are millions of diseases out there. And you keep forgetting about aging. The body eventually decays. So does the mind. Now we work with consciousness, more importantly, this little thing called Whole Brain Emulation. It is a fascinating field I tell you. For someone so deficient in understanding complex human processes, we are the perfect bunch of people to work with the concept that is the genesis of everything human. Because we break it down, we code it, we quantify it, we categorize it and we then begin to analyze it in its individual forms. Now its all hush hush. A quick google search will tell you about the algae which artificially activates certain neural activities. Very elementary attempt of understanding which neurons fire due to which stimulus. Its all part of brain mapping. Without boring you with details, let me just tell you that we have already now known quite a bit of it for a while. We had already transferred a part of Jenna’s (a colleague) memory onto an artificial body. That was one year ago. Yes, we aren’t going to shout it out to the world and get shut down even before we get to it.

Nosleep is the perfect place. I do not know if I am here so that people would believe me or because people would fake believe me and go on with their lives thinking that it is all part of someone’s figment of imagination. I laugh at the joke being played on me. Either way, I hope you all will help me out.

We have come a long way since jenna’s episodic memory upload. We have been testing a fully active sentience now on a cadaver. We do need very specific sorts of cadavers for this. Fresh ones. NO we aren’t killing anyone. Come on guys! We are just very prompt in recruiting fresh bodies. We haven’t fine tuned the method yet either. To control a body independently still seems some time (quite some time) away. It could perform few basic movements like blink, nod, show comprehension and give short responses in tune to the responses of the person whose memories of behavioral patterns have been uploaded. And each upload last only for a short period of time. Couple of hours top. So no, nothing like the Altered Carbon, people.

Coming back to the story of the night people, so I was apparently a bit inebriated. And Zach and I got talking about the project of ours. This seemed to have generated quite a bit of interest amongst our entrepreneur friends. They asked a lot of questions, which I found novelly refreshing. My family members had never really shown more than a polite interest in what I do. But the problem is, the project is meant to be confidential. We had all signed NDAs for it. It didn’t register to me at that time that Zach had broached the topic. It continued because his friends seemed benign enough. Well, the night continued in this vein. There were pics taken, some stupid shit said and done, some video clips taken.

I woke up with a massive headache the next morning. My entire being felt like as if it was constricting within its own self. I guess this is what a black hole would feel like if it were a living entity. Oh you think I am exaggerating? My vision kept swimming and I felt like I was dying. I kept wanting to throw up but my body had nothing else to give up. Now I know why my father had terrible bouts of anger after a night of heavy drinking. My phone started ringing and the sound was jarring. Without looking at the screen, I mustered up a response. It was Zach. How nice of him to check up on me. He could tell I wasn’t feeling well. He told me I was probably hung over. Hung over what?? I can barely stand up. No, its what is called after you drink too much. The body dehydrates. Oh. You think a scientist would know this. Well I tell you, I am full of charming surprises. I could neither stand up nor lie down. This is what being in limbo probably feels like. Anyway, he told me some remedies, water being the top of the list and I managed to get through the day.

It helped that it was beginning of a long weekend. A plan was made for the Saturday night as well. I stepped out feeling a little apprehensive after a night of previous adventure. Same friends, different place. One of their houses actually. Not much alcohol this time. I got nauseous just at the sight of that. They all had a good laugh at my expense and offered me a shot of the “bong”. For the longest time I had thought that the bong is a musical instrument. I took a hit! I started swimming almost immediately. But my body felt like a stone. Get it? I was stoned. Alright alright, don’t get started, I am new to this, everything was a revelation. I do not know how the night progressed but the next thing I know is we are at our lab. I do remember zips and zaps of the transpiring events but I still don’t know what preceded what. I still didn’t feel alarmed enough. Uneasy yes. I have never broken a rule. I still haven’t so I don’t know why I was feeling apprehensive. It was only Zach and I. His friends were waiting at the parking lot. Non-employees are not allowed inside the premises without due security clearance.

“What are we doing here Zach?” I ask

“Don’t you remember? You said we should try uploading Lenny’s (one of the friends) consciousness onto something. You were so excited! I must tell you, you sometimes are a bit of a show-off”

“I did? Why? why did you agree to something so ridiculous? We both can get into ton of trouble!”

“oh calm down. We will clock for overtime. Its all legit, besides you know my friends, they are harmless! They were blown over with the project! Wanted to witness it for their own selves! Come on, don’t be such a bore.”

I tell you, nothing is more affronting as calling a bore a bore. You must try and do everything possible to prove the sayer of the words wrong. So yes, I went along with the plan, with more zeal than a non-bore could ever display. I feel ashamed and physically sick just recalling this part. I wish I had continued being a bore.

We grabbed out Linux wares with couple of neural headsets and bounded off. It isn’t that simple obviously. The larger chunk of the work gets done through high functioning computations, or supercomputers if you will. But for a “party trick” our personal system should suffice. I just wished I had faked another “hung-over” at that moment.

We went back to Lenny’s place. Booted the system up, wired everything. Now to look for a subject to upload on. We had never really worked with a live subject. That would have been an ethical nightmare. Lenny did have a living hamster though. By this time, I took few more hits of the misconstrued musical instrument to dull my reasoning. I still cannot argue for why I stayed and continued. They presented me with a now inanimate hamster. I had done this quite a few times already in the lab, before we got to working with human cadavers. But this seemed wrong at so many levels. I could have told Zach and friends no by then, but the hits lessened the impact of what I was doing. Atleast this is how is chose to explain it now.

The upload was, unsurprisingly successful. The hamster was animate again. But for a short hour only. Lenny could direct it to move about and do some flips. It was all recorded of course. This is the age of smart phones and Instagram (thankfully they knew not to use it for social media). I got sick again, even though I had had no alcohol. I could not stay with them any longer. I made an excuse and left.

I didn’t take Zach’s calls the next day. By now I am beginning to think that the horror of it belongs only to me. And my readers are probably wondering why they bothered to continue reading up till now. Little did I know that the pit in my stomach that I was feeling would only continue to grow. Come Monday, I ignored all of Zach’s overtures. I avoided all the workstations where he was at. I pretended to be down with flu. It is a big deal in workplaces like ours. They gave me a solitary cabin to work at. I could not work much. But by the end of the day, I had convinced myself that this is the end of my misadventures. Little did I know.

Zach cornered me while we were leaving. Told me to join him for a last supper. Haha… his peace offering.

I went along. He picked me up this time. The drive took inordinately long and towards a very solitary place. We finally reached a cabin in a heavily wooded area. Turns out Zach’s entrepreneur friends are quite enterprising. Oh… now I get it!

What they dealt with were the demands of very rich people which could not be met by service providers on the yellow pages. I think, you can’t even enlist that service anywhere without getting arrested. Also, I think, all clientele was not even necessarily rich. They just had money for the service, you know. Like a drug addict. A poor drug addict with an expensive addiction. You would think that the addiction would naturally die out once they are not able to afford it. The problem is, there continues to be service providers. Enterprising people like Zach’s friends, people like Zach. And worst, complicit people like me.

At the cabin were some people I had not seen before. A striking young woman (in mid-20s maybe) fashionably scantily dressed. She was also wearing a pair of alarmingly high stilettos. I still wonder how she was standing upright. And an average looking fellow around late 30s maybe, dressed casually. There was nothing striking about him. He had a face you get introduced to and immediately forget about. This unassuming ensemble, along with Zach’s trope did not prepare me for the shock I met with when I saw what was lying on the couch. A young girl, of maybe 10 or 11 years, closed cropped hair, dressed simply in a frock, no shoes. I could see her little toes. I wish I could forget those little toes. I console myself with the fact that she was already dead. A fresh cadaver, a street child as I had been told, taken from a morgue where the county would have disposed the body as it saw fit.

Then I saw the neural headsets. I took U-turn and headed for the door. I was waylaid by Zach. At first he was nice about it, till he was no longer nice about it. His friends were no longer as affable. They meant business, the entrepreneurs. Obviously, they had couple of guns to convince me more adequately. They said they had a business proposition. They introduce me to the woman. Sonya (if at all her real name) is a professional. I did not ask a professional of what. I think for the first time I understood without too many explanations. The gentleman here, (no names offered) is seeking her service, although a little differently. He is willing to pay a lot. And i will get a cut of the pay.

This was the beginning of my plummet. I did not say yes. I could not say no either. It did not matter.

I uploaded Sonya's consciousness onto that little girl's brain. What the man wanted was the girl. A sentient girl. A girl without the girl.

I felt a sickness for which there is no cure. I sit here now with bottle of rum and three strips of benzodiazapines.

Before i go though, i wish from the kind readers, those of you who stayed till here, a way to give name to what happened.

This is the horror i had been living with for the past 2 weeks. I cannot even name. I close my eyes and I see her little toes. The toes moving as Sonya's sentience took over. This is the last thing i remember.

I do not know what was wrong, and i cannot find what was right.

submitted by /u/nidarach [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/c1l4q5/how_do_you_tell/ via Blogger http://bit.ly/2IS49SX

[opepin]

march: week 4

20: lots of cramping and gas going on lol. well, i rushed in the morning because i stayed in bed 10 minutes after my alarm rang. then the red line had some delays, but i still got to work before 9:30 am, ahah. it was a pretty chill day in the office. i ate lunch at my desk because i had a call when everyone else was eating :< craii. i ordered daniel’s bday present and also managed to print out the amazon return label. i kind of lost fuel one hour before the day ended because of my stomach and cramps, but it’s okay! it happens, haha. i got home at like 5:30 pm and then snacked a bit before doing my 45 minute cardio workout. then i made rice and headed upstairs to shower. i had to bring all of my shower and skin care stuff to the bathroom x__x; it was a nice shower though because the shower head is 2x as strong as ours for some reason. hopefully, that gets fixed too.

kevin got back and we went ot bj’s to pick up croissants. he really wanted them. we devoured two on the way back and then he went to shower while i prepped the veggies. LOL and then i made a mistake where i threw out the white ends of the chives when i wasn’t supposed to and then i took them out of the garbage (was pretty clean) and washed them like 30x times. i was going to lie to kevin about them but then i broke down and told him what happened and he couldn’t stop laughing at me. if baby brain exists does period brain exist too? LOL. kevin finished cooking and then we ate and watched an episode of ‘how to get away with murder.’ then kevin washed the dishes and we headed up to brush our teeth. kevin gamed for the rest of the night and i laid in bed nursing another tension headache until i fell asleep at like 1 am.

21: i woke up with the tension in my neck and shoulder and our shower was still getting fixed so i worked from home. we woke up to the maintenance guys’ knock on the door and they said they would come back in an hour or so because we were still in bed. so then we slept for 30 minutes more and then went upstairs to brush our teeth. the wifi in the suite still didn’t work so kevin sent me the information while he commuted to work. we ate breakfast and then stopped by the front to sign a card and drop off some money for our maintenance and cleaning staff appreciation thingy. then i headed upstairs and changed and brought my stuff to the suite to work. i recorded some videos and then caught up with phil. i got the ‘ok’ to start implementing some of my changes. i’m so excited! then i ate lunch and looked at headsets. i realized that kien and haowei are getting pro gamer headsets LOL. cole suggested the arctis 5 and i might get it. we’ll see.

i went back down to the apartment and finished editing videos and ended my day with a call. then i washed dishes, put on rice, snacked on a croissant, and did an hour workout focusing on obliques. kevin came home a bit later than expected because he was working on a problem. i went to shower while kevin cooked dinner. he got really dried out and tired while cooking so he went to shower after cooking while i watched ‘reign’ and tried catching a good tapu koko. i’m hoping to catch a tapu every other time i game LOL. i didn’t catch one at the end of the day though. we ate and watched two? episodes of ‘how to get away with murder’ and then kevin washed dishes and then we brushed our teeth together upstairs. i finished watching ‘reign’ in bed and then went to sleep at 1:15 am? kevin stayed up debating stock market things or something ahah.

22: i actually didn’t need to rush in the morning. i got dressed before brushing my teeth because i had to go upstairs to the suite to brush my teeth and then ate breakfast and i was on the train at 8:34 am! i met sultan for the first time in person and met our new front end dev, joe today. it was a really quiet office -- only the marketing team and product team were in the office. it was a productive morning. i ordered the arctis 7 in white for my headset for work and then i worked on tutorials. everyone online was busy so i just worked and listened to music. the day went by pretty quickly. we scrambled at the end of the day because of an issue that we really needed to solve together. it was fun doing that and figuring it out. i left at like 5:15 pm after cleaning up things with phil for the client and then i met kevin at the train station :) he made it just in time to get on the train!

i told him about my day and when we got back, i watched ‘jane the virgin’ while trying to catch a good tapu koko. i was close twice but one wasn’t timid nature and the other didn’t have perfect speed :< my hand was cramping so i quit and i cleaned up the bathroom. kevin made stir fry potato slivers and braised chicken with mushrooms for dinner. mmm. the potatoes were hella spicy but when we put more salt, it tasted better. we watched 3 episodes? of ‘how to get away with murder.’ there’s so much sex this season .__. LOL but we’re getting to the good part now. we stopped so i could exercise. oh, our water pressure for the shower is perfect now! it’s waay stronger. kevin took a nice long shower and after my workout, i cleaned the kitchen. i got irritated at kevin for not vacuuming when i asked him to and when he did it, it was half-heartedly. :/ but he cooked today and he just showered so i just re-vacuumed spots and swiffered the floors before showering. i was still a bit irritated but it was dumb to get mad at him for it. so i waited for him to finish up gaming and then went to sleep when he did :)

23: i almost forgot my lunch today but i went back and got on the later train because the train just left as i got on the platform ;( i shared the weird tasting totaste green tea biscuits in the office and steve’s reaction was the best. everyone else said it was alright. diego surprised me and said it tasted like olive oil and he wasn’t disgusted at all. hmmm. oh, diego came into the office without me bothering him to come in :P yay! i was pretty productive today. i had a few long meetings, but it was alright. i ended my day with a meeting that kind of went over in time so i had to jump off, pack up, and then go to the chocolate shop with cole. i got chocolate covered gummy bears and dark chocolate peanut butter cups. cole bought the gummy bears for me because of all the snacks i’ve given him -- thanks bro! T^T i made it to south station 2 minutes later than kevin -- i broke my winning streak ;( ahaha.

we got home and played pokemon and cuddled and watched tv while the rice cooked. we made super easy omurice and then continued watching tv and gaming. mmm. it felt like a friday. we stopped at around 11 pm, kevin washed the dishes, and i did 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of back workout (15 minutes with dumb bells). idk if it’s gonna work because maybe the weights are too light? we’ll see. then i showered and ko’d in bed. mm i wish it was friday, but i’m also working from home tomorrow so nbd! i also caught a pretty good tapu koko! tapu lele is so hard to catch T^T my next challenge... p.s. i love talking and hanging out with everyone at t7. everyone is great and so funny. i’m so grateful.

24: my upper back was in so much pain when i woke up, ahha. kevin got up later than usual because i was still in bed (wfh). :) i got myself up eventually and then made breakfast and recorded videos. i also weighed myself in the morning and i don’t talk about this a lot but i’m so happy and proud of myself for pushing myself physically and getting to my body/health goals, BUT this morning i was 117/118 lbs and 19.7% body fat. yaaaasssss! my “previous goals” were to lose all the weight i gained (i was at like 130 lbs last year), and then get to 20% body fat. my now goal is to maintain this body fat or if i’m feeling bored, go further without changing my diet so it’s solely dependent on how hard i work out. it feels so good to eat whatever i want and stop when i know it’s too much and then work it off and get stronger. i’ve stopped being so dependent on calorie counting and just knowing what foods and portion sizes are good for me. i think i’m pretty close to having a good understanding of how much i should eat everyday and what it will do to my body. i’m getting there and i’m always learning about myself and about food of course ;D

anyway, then i ate lunch and ate some chocolate. mmm these dark chocolate peanut butter cups are the best. i talked to cole and dropped some food knowledge while he had some down time haha. phil told me to take the day easy after 3 pm because sultan and byron had off time today. so that’s what i did! i recorded 5 videos (record!) and then spent a good amount of time uploading pictures on facebook. i took a day off from exercising because my upper back was killing me. instead, i played pokemon for the rest of the day with kevin. we cuddled on the couch while watching tv and playing pokemon the rest of the night. we didn’t even cook dinner because kevin had happy hour and ate sliders and wings so i just baked some chicken nuggets. we took a break to shower and then play some more in bed and then went to sleep pretty late...like at 3:30 am or something...LOL

25: kevin woke up earlier than me and made breakfast. by “earlier” i mean like he woke up at 11 am and i got up at 1 pm LOL. it was a cloudy day so i didn’t feel like recording my 2min showcase... i skipped the meal because i felt full and we went to the movies to get tickets to see ‘logan.’ the 7:20 pm time was totally booked and same with ‘get out’ so we got tickets for ‘logan’ tomorrow at 7:20 pm. :) then we drove over to ‘oh my tea’ and i got the pudding, grass jelly, and boba milk tea drink (this is my second favorite drink there, especially for like a dessert kind of day) and kevin got the strawberry lemonade. i didn’t like his drink. Dx we devoured our drinks before we even got back home. well, kevin finished as we walked into the apartment... kevin tried making general tso’s chicken...it was a spicy af half failure -- tasted too salty and not sweet enough. the spice was too much as well...

while kevin did this, i nluu proofed our kitchen (haha i really enjoyed doing this). then i washed the fleece blankets. we ate, watched some tv, and then kevin left to go climb. i finished getting all of the pokemon in moon though!!! i just need kevin’s kartana -__-” so then i switched over to finally playing ‘bravely default.’ daniel got this game for me for my birthday like forever ago. it was hard getting into it but now i’m hooked. i watched ‘reign’ while playing this and then when kevin got back, we had a quick dinner and tv session and then i continued gaming. i stopped myself at 10 pm to do the intense 60 minute kickboxing video i found a week ago and then showered and continued gaming in bed until 3:30 am again LOL. omg, that work out killed me and reminded me that rest days should be light workout days and not “i’m not going to move anywhere for the whole day” days... the circulation in my legs and arms made me scratch everywhere and it was not pleasant but the work out felt good.

26: we woke up at 12 pm, kevin played pokemon and i played bravely default in bed until 1 pm, kevin made us breakfast, and i recorded my 2min showcase video. i hope it doesn’t turn out too bad? i don’t feel real motivated this week, but i’ll do my best to keep on schedule. then i did some internet errands, figured out our meals for this week, i started laundry, and then we went grocery shopping. we thought we were done early until kevin wanted to get fermented foods for congee and then we forgot to get vanilla mochi.... then we went in circles looking for chocolate syrup at rochebro’s and then we finally made it to bj’s where the express line was kinda long x__x; we made it back, put away all the food, transferred the wet clothing into the dryer, and then kevin realized we forgot to get garlic so he left to get garlic, i washed the dishes and prepped for dinner. luckily, the recipe was quick and we ate before heading out to see “logan.”

whyyyyyyyy?! i cried haha. it was a damn good movie and the little girl is a beast. <3 me and kevin had a semi-argument about character design for females vs male when it comes to “mutants” and things like that on the way back. i folded clothes when we got back, ate the mochi with some chocolate syrup, curled my hair, and then did the 45 minute cardio video. then i showered and brushed my teeth and got into bed. i stayed up until almost 2 am watching videos and waiting for kevin to finish watching the dota game. then kevin woke up at 2:30 am because he couldn’t sleep due to the fact that our upstairs neighbors were blasting music and talking loud af. kevin actually went upstairs and knocked on their door and no one answered... he also sent an email to deco to complain and then he fell asleep with earphones... i think he was listening to dota commentary LOLOL.