#I got a bunch of asks on this day/night specifically and eventually just bailed

[booasaur]

On the topic of Happiest Season, I feel you about being disappointed at some of the reaction towards people in the closet. The discourse about how white the movie is barely happening, instead it's lukewarm takes from people talking about Harper being a horrible emotionally abusive gaslighter and that Abby should run away with Riley. As a person who was closeted for a long time and still is to most of my family, who relates so much to Harper, although I wouldn't have lied to my girlfriend to begin with, all of her choices over the course of those days make sense to me (not talking about the situation with Riley in high school). They're not perfect choices, but it's not like the movie isn't clear about why she's making them. The last third of the movie felt like the walls were closing around her, every choice makes sense in that context. Of course she didn't just accept being outed five seconds after it happened in front of 20 people after decades in the closet, of course after a moment of reflection thinking about losing the love of her life she looked around and was like "what am I doing this for?" and changed her mind. And of course Abby was well within her rights to refuse to accept her apology and leave, but also of course she would have looked at this person she loved who for a year before those five days she had a 'perfect' relationship with, seen that their one hurdle was on its way to being cleared, heard the speech about Harper wanting sincerely to right her wrongs, and stayed. In what world is that a baffling choice? It's not like she immediately proposed. I related to Harper more than I have to a character in a while, especially to the feeling of being ripped in two. It"s why I've made the choices I've made in the past to not get into serious relationships, precisely because this is my worst nightmare. Maybe it's because I'm not white and I feel the tension between losing your family and losing your partner perhaps uniquely, when losing my family includes losing my culture and community (or at least that's how I've felt). But you can happily ship Abby and Riley, and want Abby to have left for completely valid reasons about wanting two different things in a partner, without some of the vitriol being spewed at Harper in full view of sections of the community that are hurt every time they see it. I know I'm not brave enough. I don't need reminding.

“I know I'm not brave enough. I don't need reminding.“ Oooof, anon. I’m so sorry that you and others have been made to feel like this. :/

Unrelated, though, this whole ask is so well said, your points are so well made, I was honestly intimidated even trying to answer.

As you said, the movie explains why Harper’s behaving as she is, she’s ashamed and scared, why is every action read in the worst possible light, often exaggerated and even falsely?? Your explanation of how the ending went down, like, exactly, I cannot believe people are mad that she lied when outed in front of her family and a ton of people like that! That’s a literal nightmare come to life, surely some of us have had that one too?

And exactly, Abby’s in love with her, aside from the admittedly absolutely messed up lies about her sexuality that she absolutely should get help for, their life’s been perfect, with this barrier now taken away by Harper’s big step, why would she not try for it? Especially in a romcom! The way people have forgiven so much more in this genre but a closeted person they absolutely admit is abused separately from that, acts badly a few times and apologizes and is irredeemable.

The not white part’s actually funny to me, because I remember during the arguments over how horrible Jade (TRMD) and Rana (Corrie) were for being closeted or caring about their family, the fandom splits were often along...certain lines. And that’s such a good observation, how it’s a disconnect from culture and community too, then. We lose so much. Obviously the Caldwells are white af but it was amusing to me how many Asian wlw I saw were like, oh... D:

I’m picking random parts to respond to because honestly, your whole ask is perfect on its own. I will, though, agree that it’s absolutely fine to not personally think that Harper deserves that forgiveness or that Abby and Riley should have gotten together, but this really bad faith reading into her intentions just isn’t supported by the writing!

I’m sorry it took so long to respond, I hope you’re feeling better now. 

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 8

Welcome to the Hotel On-The-Floor, Yeah

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party identified the culprit behind the murders in Barley and Wheat, but... well, it's complicated. The culprit was apparently being coerced by a dragon, and they managed to talk him down rather than fight. If they want that to stick, though, they'll need some kind of plan to get rid of that dragon. And... is it really worth bailing this guy out, anyway?

Saelhen, Oyobi, and Vayen all start discussing their plans in Elvish, which it doesn't seem like Arnie understands. Oyobi advocates for just killing the guy, but is a little less keen on the idea once Vayen advocates for the same. Saelhen would rather give the guy a chance, and points out that there's not much point to killing him as long as the dragon is still around- they'll need an answer for that, and the answer to a dragon is probably just as good an answer to Arnie.

Looseleaf, oblivious to their Elvish chatter, describes the basic plan to Arnie.

Arnie: "So you're, what... you're gonna get the church involved somehow? What're you gonna tell 'em?" Looseleaf: "Well, probably also Deathseekers," Looseleaf thinks, out loud. "We'll tell them there's a dragon conducting sacrificial rituals at the site of an altar to the god of pain. We'll get the church involved by virtue of proving to them that there's a dragon fucking around with divine shit, and we'll get the deathseekers involved by convincing them that there's a dragon stacked to the gills with cool magic items, which we'll prove by bringing them one of said items." "The important thing is to get going as soon as possible, right? There's a time-limit here measured in, uh... human... corpses..." Arnie: "Wait, how are you gonna get one of its magic items?" Looseleaf: "How do you think, mister 'I work for the dragon so he gave me a bunch of magic items to serve his dread will'?" "We'll bring the deathseekers that magic cloak you said you had." Arnie: "Uh, that's..." "Mine, though."

Eventually, after a persuasion roll or two, Arnie agrees to loan them the cloak, as long as it comes back in one piece. He also tells them how to safely retrieve it from the laundry room- as long as they exchange some dirty laundry for the clean cloak, they'll be happy and won't attack. He's got plenty lying around downstairs, which he heads down to grab.

While he's downstairs, the party confers, and decides to all go together to the nearest city- Cauterdale- to ask the local Deathseekers for aid. They figure Arnie's not a flight risk, since he doesn't have anywhere to run and a draconic boss who'll hunt him down if he tries.

(As they prepare to leave, a natural 20 on a perception roll alerts Looseleaf that Vayen has ransacked Lumiere's personal library, stealing- specifically- Lumiere's books on gods and divine magic, for some reason. She doesn't make any objection to this, though- Vayen's a creep, but it's not like they weren't all on board with looting the dead guy's tower.)

With Arnie's bloodstained laundry in hand, Looseleaf heads upstairs and retrieves the cloak without incident. She tries it out, and...

The result of her crit failing her Wisdom saving throw on the magic item is... nothing, apparently. That's always good to hear! The cloak appears to work exactly as intended! She's wearing a very fancy outfit.

Further experimentation reveals a few limitations- first, the cloak's shape is illusory, so it can't become armor or anything with particular utility. Second, it can get overly literal if you ask it to copy an outfit outright- you have to use your imagination properly. Third, it seems to get tired the more you ask it to change, so there's some limit on how often you can update your wardrobe. Those appear to be the only drawbacks!

So, with Arnie temporarily kept from murdering people, the party gets back on the road.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: For caution's sake, Saelhen calligraphs a piece of paper to say WE HAVE NOT BEEN TORTURED TO DEATH, and sticks it on the door on the way out.

As they make their way northeast, they make some Animal Handling checks to keep hold of their giraffes, as something seems to spook them. Looseleaf gets a critical success and is able to calm her giraffe right away... but the party ranger, who is proficient in neither Animal Handling nor Nature nor even Survival, because what kind of monster hunter needs to know that boring crap, has no idea how to handle an overexcited giraffe and is thrown from her mount with a critical failure.

Benedict I. (GM):There's a small sign by the road, heading off west towards what appears to be an actual forest. The prairie is giving way to a somewhat hillier and more forested terrain here, but the forest is thicker than anything you've seen on your way there. And as you're approaching the crossroads marked by that sign, your giraffes all try to bolt for it. Looseleaf is able to realize that they've been forced to graze on grass for miles, and when they see the trees, they get overexcited. Vayen and Oyobi get completely thrown from their mounts, and you have to follow them down the road a bit to catch up with them and rein them in. Looseleaf: Haha, oh, well, hopefully they don't try and spend the rest of the whole day grazing a pit-stop is within tolerances but we really do have to make it to Cauterdale sooner rather than later. Many lives are on the line! Saelhen du Fishercrown: Good thing Looseleaf can radiate peace at them! Benedict I. (GM): Looseleaf is able to beckon them back before they completely get out of reach, and pretty soon you've got them calmed down- but you've lost some time. There's a choice to make here, now: continue on to Cauterdale, but make the last hour or so of the journey in the dark- or rest at the location marked on the map near here.

On the map, where the sign marked "Umbrella Village" points (shut up, I don't even play Resident Evil, don't worry about it), is simply a warning that reads "EVIL WITCHES- AVOID!!!"

Oyobi and Orluthe inform the others that "witches" usually means "druids"- and Zero cashes in something from character creation. Looseleaf's background as an academic provided her with a book on some historical topic, which was never allocated because at character creation he didn't know enough about the world to decide on something interesting. Here he declares it's a book on the history of druids!

Benedict I. (GM): Druids, from what you've read, are sort of like clerics. They channel a divinity of some sort- which is typically revered as Mother Nature, or Gaia, or... every druid you meet is going to have a different name for it, because while it needs to have a thing to call it by, it is emphatically not a god. Druids have a complicated relationship with Ccorde, who's ostensibly the goddess of environmentalism and hippy communing with nature type stuff- but most druidic traditions regard this as a false claim on a divine domain. Nature is untamed and wild and exists on its own terms, a vital force that is not to be tamed with rules- people must forge their own relationships with Nature. The author of the tome you acquired was herself a cleric of Ccorde, and the tone of the book is defensive on that subject. The author's curiosity outweighed that defensiveness, though, and there's a long section dedicated to the theoretical differences between the channeling of Nature and the channeling of Ccorde- in particular, there's no common dispositional element with druids. Whatever Nature is, it's willing to act through anyone who puts in the effort. The author didn't seem to know anything about animism, but you suspect druidic practice might be related in some way- that their nature-spirit-channeling abilities may be a form of animism. The book is unfortunately light on the practical details of druidcraft, as the author prefers that the reader eschew the practice in favor of fealty to Ccorde.

Okay! So, they head down the road to stay at the druid village for the night- and notice something odd on the way, after some Nature checks. They notice that the dirt road they're going down seems to divide the forest in two- between a sparse, ivy-choked pine forest to the northeast, and a dense, healthy-looking deciduous forest to the southwest. You usually don't get such a sharp delineation between forests like that.

And Looseleaf notices... that their map doesn't show a forest on the southwest side of the road. The road is supposed to just go along the edge of the pine forest. Also, Looseleaf can see the trees' spirits there, and there's something... not quite right.

Benedict I. (GM):The left side of the woods- there does seem to be some ambient magic. Your Sight Unseen ability doesn't exactly detect magic, so much as it lets you see spirits, including the spirits of spells- but what's going on here isn't a spell effect. It's just that the spirits of these healthy-looking deciduous trees don't quite match their physical forms. Their spirits seem... sickly? Frail? Like they're not full trees, not trees that grew in their places from fallen seeds. There's something false about them.

Looseleaf: When you said 'the left side of the road is full of healthy-looking deciduous trees and the right side is full of misshaped thorny things' you know what the first thing i thought was it was, 'the left side is the dangerous side.' i didn't say it out loud but i was totally thinking that, and i am glad to have been vindicated.

The weird forest doesn't seem to be attacking them, though, so they head onward towards Umbrella Village, which seems to be built entirely on the pine side of the road. It's kind of cool-looking- every inch of available space, on the lawns, roofs, and walls, is covered in fruiting vines and various plants. The whole village is a carefully-cultivated ecosystem.

The villagers seem surprised to have visitors- apparently it's not a common occurrence. They seem normal enough, though- while they don't have an inn, they direct the party to visit the village elder, who might know where the best place for them to spend the night is.

(Oyobi once again crit-fails her Animal Handling check, and is unable to prevent her giraffe from ripping a tomato plant off the side of someone's house, which gets her scolded. Why are you a ranger, Oyobi?)

They head down to the village elder's house, which is unique in not being overgrown with crops- and knock on the door.

The door is answered by a little lizardfolk girl, who doesn't have any idea what she's supposed to do about there being... people... here? People she's never seen before? Who don't live in the village? What???

Benedict I. (GM): "...Who...?" "GRANDMAAAAA," she calls back into the room. Which she didn't really need to do so loudly, because there's an elderly lizardfolk woman sitting right there next to a small fire.

Looseleaf: Oh, and Looseleaf was about to ask if the little girl was the elder. Never let external appearances color your preconceptions, and all that. Benedict I. (GM): "Eh?" "Gramma there's Mysterious People!" "They don't exist!" The old woman gets up. "Who's... oh, visitors?" The little girl looks confused. "Vizza-what?" Looseleaf:"Indeed, we are emissaries from the Faraway Phantom Lands of Nonexistence," Looseleaf says in deadpan to the girl. "Behold as my incorporeal voice from out of the thin air astonishes you!" To the old lady, Looseleaf says. "Excuse us. You must be the elder?"

They inquire about a place to stay for the night, and the elder... checks the weather. Looseleaf, who has Druidcraft as a racial ability, also checks the weather, using a fancy little snowglobe spell!

Looseleaf: "I'unno, does this help?" Benedict I. (GM): "Oh, goodness. I thought you were from outside- do they..." "That's very well-done, really, and you smell delicious, but..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: uh Benedict I. (GM): "Well, it ought to be fine." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...hmm," says Saelhen. Benedict I. (GM): "Just put your bedrolls out anywhere- we're not doing rain tonight." "Well, anywhere in town, anyway." "You shouldn't set foot in the Mysterious Woods." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ma'am, rest assured that we have less than no interest in Mysterious Woods."

So the party beds down in some soft pine needles, making use of Looseleaf's recently-acquired Extremely Comfy Pillow and a few bedrolls. They have a druid elder's assurance that the elements won't be a problem, so... nothing wrong with camping!

And as they're going to bed, Looseleaf rolls a 21 on Perception.

Luckily, Looseleaf fails her unarmed strike roll, which would do no damage even if it hit because her strength mod is -1. So she does not do any damage to...

Benedict I. (GM): So, you kick out at the mouth full of sharp teeth. Saelhen du Fishercrown: Fwff, goes Looseleaf's puffy moth footsie. Benedict I. (GM): The mouth full of sharp teeth goes "Eeek!" and recoils before you make impact, and you see the little lizardfolk girl scamper away into the darkness. Looseleaf: "What." "Wh- how dare you bite me! I am an emissary of the Phantom Lands and all that or whatever." "Come back here and explain yourself to My Imperial Nonexistingness!"

The little girl, affronted, explains that if she's not real, then it's not bad if she bites her!

Vayen: Vayen stirs. "...Shouldn't kill a child," he mumbles. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...this is a new dream," remarks Saelhen. "Better than the dreams about dad." "Vayen's even deciding not to kill someone. This is super neat, subconscious, keep going."

Saelhen argues that maybe Gramma doesn't know what things taste good, because sometimes grammas think things that taste bad taste good, like bell peppers! The child has no defense against this devastating logic bomb, and scampers off into the darkness, indignant.

Next time: the journey to Cauterdale, and the menace of the bobbledragon.

[pokemonislanderprincess]

Wishfulshipping for the ship ask? :)

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Iris is no quitter, and Cilan is extremely mild mannered, so their relationship status is never going to change: these two will be together forever.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I actually think it would be a bit more quick than most people realize. Almost as soon as they stop travelling with Ash, both Cilan and Iris realize they miss each other’s company. They write letters and video call all the time, and meet up whenever they can. They officially get into a relationship a little over a year after splitting up as a travelling group.

How was their first kiss? - Iris would want to kiss sooner than Cilan. He wants them to take their time, for the mood and the setting to be just right. Iris eventually gets tired of waiting and just turns around one day while the two are walking and kisses him. It’s on a dirt path with a bunch of trees and wild Pokemon surrounding them. Not what Cilan expected, but ultimately, he thinks it’s perfect.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Cilan

Who is the best man/men? - Best Men: Cress and Chili (Cilan couldn’t pick just one.) Groomsmen: Ash, Brock, Clemont.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Maid of Honor: Shannon. Bridesmaids: Misty, May, Dawn.

Who did the most planning? - Cilan. He’s a self proclaimed “wedding connoisseur” and was super excited to plan out everything.

Who stressed the most? - Cilan. If anything went wrong, he became a wreck, while Iris just shrugged it off.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Once again...Team Rocket (they are, you guessed it, offended!)

Sex:

Who is on top? - Iris

Who is the one to instigate things? - Iris

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Neither one is a slouch in bed, but Iris outlasts Cilan every time.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Cilan tries to, but he actually tends to have the most so he’s usually too exhausted. Iris doesn’t care if she has less...it still feels like winning to her.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 3 (triplets)

How many children will they adopt? - 0

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Cilan

Who is the stricter parent? - Cilan

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Cilan

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Cilan

Who is the more loved parent? - Iris and Cilan are both deeply loved by their children, although each has different activities they enjoy doing with each parent.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Cilan

Who cried the most at graduation? - Cilan

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Iris, mostly because if it got to this point Cilan would faint upon hearing the news leaving Iris to handle it.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Cilan

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Iris...she’s not a very fancy eater and prefers to eat fresh, straightforward food.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Cilan

How often do they bake desserts? - Cilan really enjoys baking, so he does it quite a bit. Iris does enjoy helping out, especially when the recipes enable her to go out and find fresh berries to use.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Iris is a vegetarian; Cilan will eat both. 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Cilan

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Both enjoy going out to eat and will suggest doing so, although their suggestions are very different.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Iris. She’s very good at making dishes that don’t require appliances, but she can’t be trusted with stoves, ovens, etc.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Cilan

Who is really against chores? - Iris...she doesn’t mind cleaning things up, but she also doesn’t think it has to be a daily thing. Cilan disagrees.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Iris really enjoys caring for the Pokemon, grooming them, etc. so she does most of that while Cilan is responsible for preparing their meals.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Iris

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Cilan. Please see this video for a demonstration.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Cilan...it’s either Iris’ or one of the kids’, and he always gives it back, although it leads to an argument between the others on who the dollar actually belongs to.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Cilan

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Iris is the one to exercise with the Pokemon.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Cilan and Iris both love decorating for holidays! Cilan keeps it very simple, elegant, and classy, while Iris sticks to traditional things.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Although they have very different personalities, Iris and Cilan really love and respect one another, which is the main goal for their relationship, and why they’re such a successful couple.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Iris

Who plays the most pranks? - Iris...and Cilan falls for it every single time.

[starsailorstories]

dude that rugsy/dt modern au with dt as an awesome businesswoman more like YES PLEASE?????

omg ok you’ve given me an excuse to show you all how deep this rabbit hole goes. I love that you describe DT as an “awesome businesswoman” when she’s still never not a criminal in that AU her scheme is working PERFECTLY

I could make this as a movie with new characters someday tbh because I have a whole like Story planned out, under a cut because it’s so long and like. softly R-rated

1. Fun backstory before we dive in: Rugsy was a theatre kid–set/strike crew–in high school and had a clique she’d stay after in the scene shop with so she didn’t have to go home. That’s where she got a lot of her practical skills and also where she got so good at lying to cops.

2. What DT actually is, besides a con artist, is a financial consultant. That allows her to bounce from company to company and choose her “””””””victims”””””””” (who don’t suffer at all whatsoever) carefully–when she can’t get away with anything, she does her job spectacularly well; when a 20something who inherited a cool billion and has no clue what they’re doing and doesn’t really care or notice a difference in the amount as long as it’s still ten figures tells her to move like a few million to an offshore account so it won’t be taxed she says “of course” and wires a few inner-city kids a full ride to Harvard.

3. this may be Controversial but I’ve had a couple conversations about how like, the only thing that matches the fucked up stigma and trauma minefield of being a receiving girl (the only specifically-sexy role in a sexless culture) would be being like, a stripper in a club who was–without the club owners’ knowledge–full service for the right price. She’d have been socking money away the whole time, saving to go to college or something, but then some wall street high roller decided to book her an extra hour for some pillow talk and found out she was a financial genius and started paying big, BIG money to see her again just so she could give him stock tips. When they were finally “caught together” all parties were fully clothed and she just introduced herself as an independent consultant to the company. He was absolutely TAKEN ABACK when she proceeded to PULL OUT BUSINESS CARDS and just start playing this role.

4. Once she’d made her first network connections, she stopped answering his calls to her personal phone and started addressing him only as “client zero” when they meet face to face. She went through his phone and just started turning up at all his fancy company events and From that point they develop a weird sort-of friendship? Can you call it a friendship when there’s a strong element of blackmail?

5. I firmly believe that they met because Rugsy was being arrested after chaining herself to the fence of a bank headquarters and DT accidentally-on-purpose bumped into her and slipped bail money and her number into her shirt pocket.

6. Eventually after they’ve been dating for like a year, they’re still pretty guarded with each other. Then one day Rugsy gets a phone call from an unfamiliar number and the call goes like this:

DT, with no salutation or introduction whatsoever and completely unemotional: So I’m being sentenced to 2 years’ house arrest

Rugsy: WHAT

DT, with mild annoyance: so now I have to BUY A HOUSE,

Rugsy: WHAT

DT, audibly perking up: I’m kind of excited though, I’m really going to get a lot done

7. Rugsy had no idea she’d even been arrested let alone charged with anything but as it would turn out they managed to get her on one of her more minor cons, like don’t you worry there my honey most of the $$$$ is untraceable

8. Rugsy’s just glad it wasn’t something stupid like that time she sold a bunch of counterfeit wine on eBay to pay for an old friend’s appendectomy

9. The local news releases a video of her testimony in which she coolly says that she was fully aware she was breaking the law but in doing so she hurt no one in any consequential way and made numerous lives better and asks some Deep Philosophical Questions and Rugsy watches it in complete silence on her laptop while DT walks around like microwaving a hot pocket or something and when it’s over she just closes the laptop and takes a deep breath and says “Will you marry me?”

10. It takes 15 minutes of interrogation for DT to ascertain that she is not joking

11. Back before her court date DT like, got on Yahoo Answers or some shit looking for advice on what she could do to get off easier and started DMing with Shade, who at this point is in law school. When she calls to ask how it went DT is like “fine, can lawyers officiate weddings?” and Shade is like “I’m not a lawyer. No. What brings this up.”

12. They don’t actually get married until DT is moved in and has started her sentence but Shade does one of those “become a justice of the peace online” things because she is nothing if not The Friend Who Rolls With Things

13. Rugsy wears a tuxedo t-shirt and cutoffs and sneakers. DT wears a beautiful white sundress, stiletto heels, a bachelorette party crown and an ankle monitor.

14. Rugsy, drunk, holding DT in her arms on their wedding night: You’re my wife now you have to tell me when you commit a felonyyyyyyy

15. After her sentence is over, DT decides to leave crime behind–she can get her thrills by being a relatively high-profile good person, in this day and age. She partners up with local housing co-ops and crisis housing networks and turns them into mutual-aid powerhouses with passive side income and outreach to rural areas and medical programs. 

16. A few legitimate-looking political think tanks DO crop up, solicit thousands of bucks worth of donations from conservative legislators, and then suddenly declare bankruptcy around the same time that a bunch of kickstarters for gay and trans elders’ retirement funds and activists’ legal fees get paid off but nobody can prove that was her!

I have more ideas about this and I want there to be more going on with Rugsy in here but yeah. YEAH

[kondo-hijikata]

not reblogging the meme since my answers are gonna be about...

THEM!

General, in a canon setting:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - FOREVER. even after nagareyama. they’re chillin in space rn wondering why a bunch of foreigner kids are running blogs about them

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - the attraction was immediate. kat-chan was visiting toshi’s brother-in-law when they met, and toshi was so taken with the tennen rishin ryu (and its master) that he decided to train seriously. they got on really well but it wasn’t until that day they were sitting by the lake when toshi realized he was actually falling in love with kat-chan. and who wouldn’t, honestly? kat-chan told him it was okay to be himself, instead of what the world wanted of him. 20/10 marriage material

How was their first kiss? - soft. almost shy. they both pined quietly and toshi was content with that instead of confessing and potentially ruining everything...until kat-chan was just so radiant by candlelight and the moment was perfect.

Wedding, in a modern au setting:

Who proposed? - kat-chan. despite that they already discussed getting married multiple times, being officially asked came as a surprise to toshi. they picked out wedding rings together but lo and behold, kat-chan went on his own to buy pair set engagement rings. when they were visiting their families in tama, they took a walk one night and went back to their spot by the lake...and that’s when kat-chan officially asked him. whAT A FLUFFY DORK.

Who is the best man/men? - souji for kat-chan and the sait for toshi

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - tbh, the whole shieikan crew is in the wedding party. they told chizuru to pick her dress but she ended up wearing a suit like the rest of everyone else because #shieikan solidarity. (consequently, i was there and i fell in love with her.)

Who did the most planning? - yall know toshi would be a groomzilla lmao

Who stressed the most? - toshi. kat-chan kept trying to help...even if toshi kept yelling. eventually, he gave in tho. lol like kat-chan would totally try to delegate tasks to their sword sons and take toshi out to attempt alleviating his stress. he’s Good

How fancy was the ceremony? - it was neither over the top or overly simple: a venue large enough to host their guests for the actual ceremony and reception. there’s often an after-party in modern japanese weddings, so they went to an upscale bar type of place for theirs

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - kat-chan wrestled with the idea of inviting serizawa out of courtesy...until toshi (softly) hit him on the head with a magazine

Sex, in a canon and/or au setting:

Who is on top? - consider this: toshi is a bottom whether he’s penetrated or penetrating 👀

Who is the one to instigate things? - both do

How healthy is their sex life? - it’s healthy...as in it’s never expected or taken for granted. they fuck as much or as little as they want and neither is left feeling like something is missing

How kinky are they? - i mean...lmao. kinky is such a subjective word. whatever they do is 10000% consensual and with the other’s respect and comfort in mind at all times

How long do they normally last? - however long they want???

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - nah. i mean, i get this question is probably asking if one is more selfish than the other and just takes and takes without ever giving. but also consider one getting the other off when he’s had a rough day. 👀 👀 👀 or under-the-desk head at work lmao

How rough are they in bed? - however rough they wanna be at that particular time. again, it’s always about respect and comfort.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - they’re not into PDA but when they’re alone, they like to be in contact with each other...reading together, spooning at night (until it gets too hot or toshi is annoyed by the breathing on his neck lmao), hella kisses when the door is closed

Children, in a canon setting :

How many children will they have naturally? - 0. loophole ftw

How many children will they adopt? - add up the amount of people younger than them who were in the shin//sengumi and there’s your answer

Who is the stricter parent? - oh, that’s hijimama for sure lol

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts? - i mean...they’re here to kill cho//shu trash so... they’re both particularly protective over souji (since they basically raised him). kat-chan also is very fond of heisuke, while toshi is fond of yamazaki and the sait

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - pSHHH the only cooking either might do is making something small for the other. the sword kids will have to rely on the kitchen staff. ...though kat-chan does show up with sweets every now and then ;D

Who is the more loved parent? - depends on who you’re asking... lol Favored Dads™ is a legit thing

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings with matsudaira? kat-chan...though if it’s important enough, toshi will accompany him

Who cried the most at graduation serizawa’s funeral? - i heard someone saying how toshi got all teary-eyed LMAOOOOO give him an edo-era oscar

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - they ARE the law...with their own laws...which include seppuku...so their kids best not fuck up.

Cooking, in a modern au setting :

Who does the most cooking? - it depends but it’s mostly equal or a joint effort

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - neither. even in a present day au, kat-chan is still hella adamant about appreciating meals and it rubbed off on toshi

Who does the grocery shopping? - they go together

How often do they bake desserts? - nah lmao

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - depends on the mood. here’s to everyone being able to eat whatever they want. do so in my honor.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - probably kat-chan lmao

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - either one but i can see them skipping fancy and expensive places for cheap and yummy

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - neither lol

Chores, in a modern au setting:

Who cleans the room? - both because this relationship is fair

Who is really against chores? - neither

Who cleans up after the pets? - both

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - if it’s an emergency, kat-chan...but he’ll go back to clean it up later XD

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - toshi. that’s why souji just shows up at random lmao

Who found100 yen between the couch cushions while cleaning? - kat-chan...he slipped it under the elastic of toshi’s briefs and called it a tip, to which he got a half sigh, half smile

Misc, in a modern au setting:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - they both do so quickly but kat-chan will try to indulge toshi when they wash together

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - they’ll walk together

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - pSHT nah

What are their goals for the relationship? - kat-chan just wants toshi to be happy and healthy. toshi wants the same...and he’s also hellbent on making kat-chan prime minister one day lmao

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - neither...unless it’s a mutual decision to not get out of bed

Who plays the most pranks? - kat-chan...but they’re just cute and silly versus souji who actively wants to create chaos in toshi’s life lol

[canaryatlaw]

Sigh. I didn't *mean* to stay up this late....although I never really mean to stay up till 4:30 am. Ugh. My room is currently filled with various flies and other bugs which is very irritating so we're gonna have to deal with finding how that's happening tomorrow. But today. The last 24 hours have been pretty nuts and intense, for some reasons I'll share and some I'm going to keep to myself. I could NOT fall asleep last night, and kept tossing and turning because I was sure I took my meds, only when I finally went to take another melatonin around 5 am I discovered I took the meds from the wrong fucking day, which did not include the Xanax I'm now apparently dependent on to fall asleep (and that's fucking wonderful). Even from there it still took a while, I think I finally passed out shortly before 7. Luckily I got to sleep until like 11, so that's something at least. Everyone was pretty much waiting on me so I got ready quickly and threw my stuff together, since we were gonna go to the "downtown" section of the town my cousins live in and go to the airport from there. So we head down there and end up having lunch at this cute little brewery place, I got a kind of curious burger that had shrimp on it but was really good! I appreciated that in the women's bathroom stalls they had a specific note about if you're date isn't going well or you're uncomfortable with who you're with for any reason, go to the bar and order an angel shot and they'll get you out of there safely. That has been floating around the Internet of course, but I very much appreciated them putting it there as I'm sure there are many who don't know. From there we went to some of the little shops and mostly just browsed, looking at the touristy t-shirts and such. I wanted to get a pirate themed sign that says "wenches" for my sister and I to hang out our door but my mom was dead set against it and wouldn't let me 😂 lol. There was one store that had a bunch of funny things and I ended up getting two bumper stickers and two magnets from there, the bumper stickers say "well behaved women rarely make history" which I gave to my sister, and the other says something along the lines of "those who say it can't be need to stop getting in the way of those who are doing it." I couldn't resist the magnets because I knew my roommate would appreciate them, one of them says "Jesus would kick the shit out of you" which is great because that's how I feel about many people who call themselves Christians and then do terrible things to people, and the other has a picture of Trump and it says "days without being a national embarrassment: 0" and I just couldn't resist. From there we made a final stop at a coffee place and then headed to the airport. We said our goodbyes and got through to the gate extremely quickly because the airport is ridiculously tiny, it's literally one hallway with like, 8 gates total lol. Earlier when we were driving my aunt had asked if I was planning on staying in Chicago after law school, and since I made up my mind yesterday that I won't be I said no, and of course my mother was like "this is the first time I'm hearing this" and I was like "yeah well that's because I made the decision yesterday" 😂 lol. But while we were waiting at the gate I mentioned I would really miss my church in Chi more than anything, and she was saying how there are plenty of good ones and I started voicing my objections with many churches which then led to a bit of a political fight and me getting frustrated because she like just doesn't pay attention to anything that's going on and thinks everything is sunshine and rainbows with Trump and I'm just like UGH. But whatever. I'll probably send her news updates now 😂 though idk of she'll read them. Oh well. Got on the plane, and I spend probably a solid half hour defeating the "hard" sudoku puzzle in the back of the airline magazine. I'm out of practice, or it would've been shorter lol but I was still proud of myself for getting it done because there were a few times I thought I was gonna be stumped but I got creative. After that I started a long CC fanfic that had been on my marked for later list but I REALLY wanted to start reading it and it's soooo good so far I just want to read it all the time lol. So I got like 30 pages into that (out of 120) before we landed. Got our bags, then had to take a shuttle to another lot where they were making the cars wait which was irritating, but I guess it's better than the mess it was trying to get through beforehand. Drove home, and are Chinese food with the family. I felt randomly inspired to kick around a soccer ball after, but the soccer ball I had last year had since disappeared, so I ventured into the basement to see if there were any in there. I found 4, two were deflated and two had something else wrong with them that they were like, rock hard, and I swear one of them I bought when I was like six. But I took those two up and tried to play with them, but they did not function as actual soccer balls so I'm gonna have to make a trip to a sports store at some point to remedy that situation. I went back inside after that and decided to watch a movie with my sister, I said she could pick and she chose "the space between us" (I think that's what it's called? Something like that) which I hadn't heard of but was pretty cute, as per usual we only got like halfway through before my sister bailed because she apparently has a very short movie attention span (sigh). We'll finish it tomorrow. I stayed in the back on my laptop for a little bit before joining my dad and brothers in the den, where they were watching an episode of house of cards, which I haven't seen any of but of course recognized Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright from their appearances at the Tonys the other night. After that my brothers bailed, and my dad went to watch where he was up to in season 2 of Supergirl, episode 7. We're watching and they have the scene where Maggie is talking to Alex about still being friends after she initially turned Alex down, and I went to needle my dad about it like "oh aren't you just so mad to see them shoving their gay agenda down your throats???" (totally sarcastic obviously) which then led to a political debate which was endlessly frustrating, but it eventually gave way to a really good conversation about the future and such, and I told him about my decision not to stay in Chi post school and of course he was thrilled, though I made no promises that I'd be returning here the goal is still the job in NYC. I did happen to stumble upon another nonprofit law firm I'd be interested in working for today, except this one is based in California (not an improvement from Chicago). They focus on more than just foster care for broader youth issues including juvenile justice reform, which is definitely something I could get behind. But I really don't want to have to take the California bar exam (you probably don't know this, but it's by FAR the hardest of all the state bars, and the last passing rate was like 49% which is ridiculously low) or really be that far away from everyone when the goal was really to be closer. But I mean, we'll see. Of course my dad immediately starting making his pitch for all the things he has going on here that could draw me back, and I'll admit he did make a compelling case in several aspects. I said that if I did end up out in this general area of Long Island (in a temporary position at least, probably for the government in some capacity) I do not think it would be good for my mental health to move back into this house, which he seemed to understand but said you know we'll deal with that when we get there, so *shrug* I guess we'll see how that works. It's a lot more inconvenient to want such things when you're still asking your parents to finance it because you don't have any money since you're a full time student. But anyway. I also told him something I've been musing on lately, just because it seems like I've been seeing an influx of stories of abuse against children (which it's possible is entirely due to one or two Facebook groups I'm in, but still), especially child deaths, and it's made me want to work as a prosecutor for a crimes against children unit. It's hardly the first time I've considered the idea, I've always said that is the only way I would consider being a prosecutor. But it would be another option at least. But yeah, it was a really good convo and it reminded me why I do love my dad so much, even when his political views frustrate me to no end and I don't think I can ever forgive him for voting for Trump (sigh). But yeah, that's it and it's 5 am now so I REALLY need to get to bed. Goodnight my darlings. I hope you get more sleep than I do.

[ahnsael]

Interesting evening at work. Stuff was hitting the fan ALL OVER THE PLACE when we walked in for our shift. Sewing cashier with deer-in-the-headlights look (partially the swing manager’s fault, since she has no patience to actually train this cashier, but I can’t say I blame that manager TOO much in this specific situation because this is a very high-maintenance and not-learning cashier, but still..you’ve GOTTA help her if you’re the MOD, even when there are other things going on in the casino).

At the same time, there were some VERY shady-looking people in the casino. They went out and lit up a joint in their car, which the swing MOD saw, and called the cops (marijuana is now legal in Nevada, but not in public). So the cops were all over the place.

And one of them, when they came back in, gave the swing MOD a death glare like I’ve never seen outside of...maybe Donald Trump or Sean Spicer glaring at a reporter asking a question they don’t like.

I had to walk the swing MOD out to her car so they couldn’t corner her while she was alone. And of course, most swing shift people got out late because we were dealing with these suspicious characters (and speaking with the cops about them), but still...we were there to help when the swing staff needed help, while the swing MOD bailed out.

On top of that, there was a fill (adding money) done in a drawer in the early afternoon, and there was a person in that drawer, but they went home early (and without counting out, telling the MOD that they hadn’t done anything in that drawer, even though they had a bunch of money transferred into it while she was in the drawer). So the paperwork was left for the next shift...which is us.

But the fill happened on Sunday. Our shift, even though we arrived on Sunday night, was considered the first shift for Monday. So if we let that slide as the day/swing managers did, then there’s money coming out of the vault on April 23rd, but nobody receiving it until April 24th. That would be a bad thing. So my other graveyard manager had to lie and say that he was in the drawer on swing shift yesterday so the paperwork would pass muster with Audit.

But one thing I can’t defend the swing MOD on: she had keys to our largest (money-wise) cash drawer for over eight hours, and didn’t count in/out of the drawer. Paperwork-wise, I was taking it over from the person who took it over from ME yesterday morning. And we JUST had a management discussion about “if you have keys to the drawer, and access to the cash, you NEED to count in and out regardless of whether you used it, because you had ACCESS to it.” She was specifically told this by MY boss. And she still didn’t do it.

She’s a nice person, most of the time, but young and stubborn and too inexperienced to be so stubborn in the first place, and often looking to pick fights on work-related things, and if we weren’t so shorthanded, it could eventually cost her her job (and we won’t be shorthanded forever).

But after the way list night started, plus the fact that I had bad news for the drop team when they showed up...this was the first Drop Night that I hadn’t been looking forward to. But it went better than expected (one person on the drop team threatened to quit...but we’ll see what happens).

[melissaburnsred]

I just want to put a warning to ANYONE out there. Female, male, it doesn't matter. But mostly females - if you live in the Philadelphia, PA area (or specifically Manayunk) STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS from this person. He goes by Justin Vincent Loiacono some days probably, among a bunch of other lame nicknames (Rowdy, Nix, chuckles the clown, who really knows honestly). If you choose to date him, he will lie to you and probably cheat on you and might even steal from you. He mentally abused me, has screamed at me while I was driving, and tried to tear apart my friendships. He's gotten in trouble for shoplifting and can't keep a job that I know of. Before I broke up with him on Valentine's Day, 2015, I unfortunately decided to help him try to get back on his feet. His car at the time was very unsafe and felt like the suspension might give out at any time. He begged me to help him out with finding a new car and financing it. He found a real POS at a place in Vineland, NJ, and since I didn't want it on my conscience in case his current car got him into a dangerous accident, I hesitantly agreed. This was in January 2015. The salesmen at the auto place told him that he could refinance once he made enough payments and take my name off of it, so that's what we planned to do. Fast forward to 2/13/15 - he lied to me for what I hoped would be the last time about where he was that night and I broke up with him the next day. We tried to stay on friendly terms. He didn't make any car payments, and the vehicle got repossessed in May. Someone bailed it out for him and I wish he/she hadn't. He never made any payments after that. Fast forward to today. Somewhere in between then and now, I scoured the Manayunk area searching for the vehicle so I could take it back. My name was on the title after all. At one point I found him and he ran like the coward he is. I never caught him. I tried. Around February 2016, he texted me and "apologized" and told me the car was gone, he parked it somewhere illegally and it got picked up and the storage fee was too much for him to pay. He told me he was going to church and changed and he would finally start making the payments and asked me for the vehicle information. I gave that to him. He never made a payment. I would text him and call him periodically to check up on him because he is clearly unable to take responsibility for himself. Eventually he stopped answering my texts. Today, I am trying to get my life together - I am in a healthy relationship finally and at the age of 30, I'm really ready to get things into a good place - one day I would like to have a house and kids, and I've been considering going back to school as well (art is my passion, and I've been throwing around the idea of going back to school to finish out a degree so that I can teach it). I'm being sued by the financing company for $9000, which is probably about 4 times as much as the vehicle was even worth at the time it was purchased. I'm just trying to pay my own bills and my own car payment (which I've never missed in 3 years). My credit has yo-yo'd back and forth because of this and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to purchase a house at a reasonable rate. Whatever happens, I will figure it out somehow without asking help from anyone. I'm not like Justin and I take responsibility for myself and I don't expect anyone to bail me out of my problems. The purpose of this post is to warn ANYONE that might know him or thinks they might want to get to know him. Ladies, STAY AWAY. At all costs. I don't trust him and you shouldn't either. And if he treated me so poorly when I did nothing but try to help him (I also drove him back and forth when he didn't have a car), he will treat others the same. If you try to get to know him, it won't be long before you find holes in his stories and things start to not add up. He will take advantage of your kindness. Beware and share my story if possible. I don't want to see another good person in the same situation as I am in.

[stillness-in-green]

Human Debris Masterpost (3/?)

Someday I will learn to stop making promises about update schedules that I cannot hope to keep.  Sorry for the wait, everyone, and and fair warning: as the Brewers’ arc is the most red-stripe intensive story in the whole show, there will be LOTS of pictures below the cut.  Lets get right to it, shall we?

EPISODE NINE – Sakazuki

We go another half episode or so with nothing, as apparently rather few of the group actually enter Saisei at first.  After Orga and company get back to the ship, though, with a bunch of desserts in tow for the young ones, we get this delightfulness, with Shino ringleading in the red-stripes to ask if Orga bought them back anything.

Orga says he does in fact have stuff for them too, and we immediately cut to some manner of dining district, where the older boys are living it up at a pub—hilariously, it might in fact be one of three pubs all lined up next to each other, which is kind of amazing.  I wonder what the legal drinking age is?   

This seating arrangement is extremely interesting to me, as this is pretty much the only time we see the whole group out and socializing like this, and also the only time we see Chad apart from either the bridge or the rest of his trio.  What did the three of them actually talk about, I wonder? 

Akihiro with a bunch of people he otherwise never talks to.  Seriously, how did this seating arrangement happen?  Is it just to try to keep a lid on Shino, who is going on, as is his wont, about how great the ladies are?  It’s a bit hilarious to me how absolutely unengaged by the topic everyone else at the table is.  

We don’t see Dante in this scene, though there’s one more brief shot of a table behind Mikazuki with some Random Brunettes at it that he might be sitting with.  After a truly endearing scene of Orga not being able to hold his liquor and Mikazuki fretting over him, we cut back to our main guys leaving the bar.

Shino’s dragging Eugene off to get laid, and the others seem to be returning to the Isaribi.  Chad, Dante and the others have apparently left already, to go back to the ship or possibly to explore a bit, but Akihiro has dutifully remained behind to schlep Orga back to the ship.   

Orga’s muttering to himself about family and places to return to, which has Akihiro’s thoughts turning to something that we won’t be let in on quite yet, but a second viewing makes quite easy to identify.  Things like this are probably what he’s thinking back to when he laments later on about letting his guard down and starting to think of Tekkadan as a fun place to be, people he thinks of with affection rather than guarded distance. (He also looks kind of exasperated here, but, you know, drunk boss and all.)

A little bit later, we’re in the next day, and Yamagi is having a sharp, shuttered reaction to Shino being Shino about how very laid he got last night, suggesting that Yamagi, at least, was also at the party, though I think Takaki, also in this scene, is typically considered to be in charge of the young ones in the first season, so he was probably not.  They talk about the ceremony going on—Takaki would have liked to go; Shino overslept. Our trio are all there, though, as we’ll see.  All of Tekkadan but Orga, amusingly enough, are still just wearing their normal clothes under the haori coats they’ve got on for the event.

Chad’s on the left there, with Akihiro standing outside on the balcony.  This is probably the first time they’ve been without a red stripe in years, which I imagine must feel pretty weighty for them.  Added to that, since Takaki complains about not getting to go to the ceremony, but there are a pile of Random Brunettes in the group later, it suggests the ceremony has something of an age restriction to it.  But I wonder if the red-stripes were surprised to be invited?   

Biscuit expresses surprise that Akihiro would come, to which Akihiro replies that it’s a great moment for the family.  It really suggests the degree to which Akihiro has begun to accept the rest of Tekkadan outside of just his circle of Human Debris. 

And here are the lot of our named characters here, and we see something extremely interesting, which is that Akihiro’s tank top also has the red stripe on it.  I’d forgotten this early on, since he usually does his giant robot fighting in a space suit or wholly shirtless.  So, to correct my earlier statement, Akihiro is not, in fact, going without the stripe here.  Curiously, the stripe isn’t visible on Dante or Chad, which you’d think would be the case if it were a uniform placement.  

I can’t say for sure, since I don’t think we ever see either of them without a jacket/coat without just being straight-up shirtless, but I wonder why this is?  Did the CGS guys just notice how often Akihiro strips out of his shirt for exercise routines?  Is it because Akihiro is representing the group, and the CGS guys wanted to make extra sure he’d always have that mark?  Is it to do with Akihiro’s prominence as a pilot compared to the other two?  Or do Dante and Chad have it too, just further up the shoulder?

After the ceremony, Dante has immediately bailed again, but the other two remain.  We also have a small change in my write-ups this time, as we get into some episode preview text!  

Akihiro gets the episode preview this week, and given all the grunting and panting that, hilariously, accompanies his lines, we’ve clearly caught him in the middle of more pull-ups.  Here’s the dialogue:

“Ah?  Why am I training so hard?  Dumb question.  If I can’t protect what’s important to me…  Uh, no, when I’m absorbed in working out, I don’t have to think about anything.”  

Yeah, Akihiro.  You get right on with that, then.  (Haha, you care about them.)  And we will likewise get on with things, with…

EPISODE TEN – A Letter from Tomorrow

A rather threadbare episode for people other than Akihiro, who wanders into a conversation about siblings between Biscuit and Takaki early on, and then makes this face when Lafter comments that his fighting style in the simulator is less suicidal than usual: 

He has not the slightest clue what she’s talking about.  He likewise has not the slightest clue how to react to Takaki being suddenly very enthusiastic at him:

He rolls with the punches well, though, taking it in stride when Takaki brings up his sister before stumbling over the realization of who he’s talking to.  It’s a rarely contemplative expression he’s wearing in this exchange, about the only time we see this level of tenderness.  

Also the only time we see bitty!Akihiro, so have this too, before the pain starts. 

He admits in this scene what Lafter was picking up on earlier, that he’s come to the realization that he has comrades like family with Tekkadan, and it’s got him reflecting on his actual family history for the first time in years.  He’d previously let himself forget about it, having been so wrapped up in just getting through each day.  

He also notes in this scene that all the adults on the merchant fleet he was with were killed, so I assume that Human Debris are (at least initially) taken specifically as children, with more capable and driven adults and parents killed.  As to what happens to adult Human Debris, or if there are laws in place governing e.g. someone’s aunt showing up demanding the return of her brother’s kid, these questions remain unanswered.  

It’s also just now striking me that Takaki is the first one to hear about a kid who will turn out to be one of the Brewers, and while it’s not the same kid he develops such a close friendship with in season two, it’s an interesting parallel.  There’s a level of inversion at play in this episode as well—whereas Kudelia realizes that a fraught family situation is no comparison to the hardships Atra has endured, Takaki gets some perspective on how relatively lucky he is to still have an intact family bond compared to the forced separation of Akihiro and Masahiro.  He tries to be optimistic about the odds of the brothers meeting again, though, which Akihiro accepts with a pained but graceful ambivalence.   

And then the Brewers attack, and everything goes straight to hell.  

Chad gets the preview dialogue this episode, and listen sharp, because this is the first and only time that he’s named onscreen in the first season!  It also tells us more about him personally than anything we’ll be seeing until season two, and what it tells us makes episode five of that season especially touching/upsetting for me!  See if you can guess why:

“Oh, you’re right; the sleeve is frayed.  No, it’s fine like this.  I’d only been given torn, used clothes before I came here.  It feels better when they’re dirty.  Eh?  M-Me? I’m Chad.  Chad Chadan.  I’m always on the bridge.”  

So, excuse me while I go cry for days about Chad putting on a suit and tie and being really awkward and insecure about it.  I’ll talk some more about this when we eventually get there, though, as I want to just roll around for days in the first half of that episode and its Human Debris content.   

EPISODE ELEVEN – Human Debris 

The opening of the episode returns us to the Isaribi, where Chad is looking quite tense about Akihiro being out there in a three-on-one fight.

In short order, Mikazuki murders the bejeezus out of Pedro, who we in the audience never actually see, if I’m not mistaken. This guy is really pissed about it, though: 

His name is Vito, though we won’t hear it until the next big fight.   Meanwhile, Kid 2 here (Aston, whose distinctive facial scar isn’t on display in his very first appearance, but whose cautious, methodical demeanor most certainly is) pulls Vito back from doing something stupid and urges a regroup.

Aston cites careful teamwork in the name of revenge, which will be interesting when measured against some of his season two dialogue, where he talks about—well, go watch episode thirty-one. I suspect, in any case, that he’s never been quite as closed off as he thinks he was; he and the other Brewers kids obviously care for each other fiercely.  This echoes what we see all through the series, small groups forming to help each other shoulder the unfair burdens their setting has laid on them, and clinging to those groups with devotion that can, in the most dire circumstances, tread into the fanatical.  

Somewhat amusingly, Akihiro is the one to ask after Yukinojo’s safety, which Mikazuki has already forgotten about, and largely handwaves when it’s brought to his attention. He then sends Akihiro and Takaki off, and exchanges some blows with Vito—who instantly notices his Alaya-Vijnana reflexes, suggesting that he’s been in enough combat to recognize the difference pretty much as soon as they get into a melee with each other.  

First look at Aston’s scar, as Vito warns him that they’re fighting other AV implanted combatants. 

Then Kudal shows up in Gusion, as obvious a villain as any we’ve seen since Todo was last onscreen, and sends the other two minions with him—we know Masahiro is one, and I’m betting Derma is the other, as he’s the last of the named Brewers kids—after Akihiro.  Akihiro’s extremely concerned for Takaki throughout this combat, illustrating the truth of his words about considering Tekkadan to be like family. 

Despite Takaki trying to be self-sacrificial, Akihiro leaps back into combat to rescue him, just in time for the audience to get Masahiro name-dropped onscreen as Derma and he coordinate much as Aston and Vito were. 

And then, as Masahiro recognizes Akihiro’s name and voice, the real suffering begins. 

Rescues and retreat signals go up all around as the Turbines girls show up, with Masahiro getting pulled out by Derma and Akihiro retreating with a badly wounded Takaki.  The aborted nature of the brothers’ first encounter in years is likely a disaster to both of them, as Akihiro has a crewmate to worry about before he can race off and Masahiro’s last sight of his brother in that moment is Akihiro prying some not me combatant away and turning back towards his ship.  

Back on the Isaribi, we get a rare shot of Dante, helping Shino pry open the crushed pilot compartment Akihiro’s brought back.  Whether he’s lending muscle, mechanical knowledge, or helping bypass whatever digital defenses there are against hatches being forced open from the outside, it’s nice to see him here.   

He’s the deeper voice in the brief offscreen exchange about getting Takaki down as Orga’s coming in, saying to take it slowly while Shino is yelling at a distraught Ride.  He’s also the one to open up the flight suit, letting a bunch of blood out into the very low gravity of the hangar. 

Shino says to close it back up (hey, it’s almost sort of the interaction between the two I wished for!) and we get a brief shot of one of our other nameless red-stripes, though not, I think, one of the ones from that establishing shot back in episode four. 

A few Gjallarhorn interludes and some sledgehammer-subtle demonstrations of interplanetary racism later, we return to the Brewers ship, and a brief interesting note here…   

Unlike CGS or Tekkadan, the Brewers’ bay is full of red-stripes doing maintenance work.  The mechanics are wearing the same red-striped pants as the kids currently getting berated and smacked around by Kudal are.  It really makes me wonder what the actual paid pirate to slave labor ratio is on this boat. 

Some varying responses here to the abuse—Aston ferociously stoic, Vito actively angry, Derma downcast (Masahiro with a boot in his face).   

Somewhat interestingly, the beating here is not, I think, significantly worse than what, say, Takaki and Orga were putting up with in the first few episodes.  The kick to the implant guard is certainly vicious, though, and the reminder that the kids are cheaper than mobile suits is a good deal more pointed and specific than anything said to Orga and his gang.  

Once they’re alone, the three crowd around Masahiro to ask after him, through Aston’s the only one to actually get down on his level.  Derma asks after Masahiro’s talking to the enemy pilot during the combat, but before Masahiro can explain, Vito’s ferocious temper kicks in and he starts swearing vengeance again for poor unseen Pedro.  I really do get the feeling Vito’s temper is abnormally short, a reaction to his wretchedly abusive situation, given that he really did look like he was about ready to bite Kudal in the throat just now.  And with the violent threats hanging in the air, Masahiro clams right up. 

We return to the Isaribi’s medical bay, where Akihiro is taking things predictably poorly.  He muses aloud that he is perhaps being punished, to which Orga says he shouldn’t blame himself and Mikazuki, who’s probably spent more time around him than anyone outside the other Human Debris boys, says this isn’t like him.  Akihiro elaborates for the two of them much the same as what he said to Takaki last episode, with the added fatalistic note that he was getting above himself as Human Debris, letting himself have fun that Human Debris are not allowed to have.

Indeed, looking back, we can see that as early as his flippancy in episode four, just after being freed.  Akihiro’s been opening up very steadily throughout the show to this point, and in this arc, the ugly inadequacy and learned inferiority of child slavery rear their heads as explicitly as they will any time this season.  

Mikazuki and, following his cue, Orga immediately turn this around, of course, noting that if Human Debris aren’t allowed to have fun, and Tekkadan is being too fun, then that’s on Tekkadan, not Akihiro.  Akihiro stumbles on this, but Orga talks over him, saying that his brother is de facto a brother of Tekkadan as well, and Tekkadan will therefore take responsibility for him.  It’s a touching scene, but one that doesn’t even begin to consider that Masahiro might have made bonds of his own that are important to him, or that someone whose position Tekkadan ought to be intimately familiar with might react with violent distrust towards outsiders.  This will also go predictably poorly for them next episode.  

But in the meantime, hey, the rest of the support team is here!  Including Dante making a rare but gratifying appearance mixed in with more major characters than him.  He’s almost certainly here more for Akihiro than Takaki, as you can tell by the way he vanishes from the scene immediately afterwards.

I’ll close this episode with the 100% amazing oh-shit-I-didn’t-study-for-this-pop-quiz-on-familial-affection face Akihiro makes in response to all this.   

EPISODE TWELVE – The Shoals

As Tekkadan prepares to engage the Brewers, we get a rare shot of Chad involved in planning and away from his usual bridge position, presumably because there will be some tricky flying involved in their ploy. All that unstable gravity etc. Eugene wants to charge out and meet the enemy head-on; Chad counters that such direct tactics are what the Brewers want.

When Orga notes that normal ships wouldn’t be able to fly in there in any case, and Eugene deducts that they’ll be able to do it because they’re space rats, Chad concurs with a rather charming look of pride in their capability.  He smiles so seldom in the first season; it’s really a pleasure to see it here.

Akihiro, meanwhile, is wrestling up the nerve to ask Mikazuki for a very awkward favor—to not kill Masahiro if he gets into a fight with him.  

Given Akihiro’s issues about making sure he’s earning his keep, I’m sure this is a horribly difficult thing for him to do.  He can probably only do it because it’s Mikazuki, with whom he has a genuine rapport, and who is a skilled enough pilot that he’s capable of holding back—and even so, he stumbles over the request.  Mika picks up on his meaning, though, and says he’ll do what he can up to the point that his life is endangered, after which he makes no promises.

On a side note, Lafter comments that she has no objections getting pulled into the whole mess, because they’re rescuing Akihiro’s little brother, and she couldn’t leave that alone anyway.  It’s easy to assume that she has a soft spot for kids, the Turbines’ living situation being what it is, but it’s also laying some more early groundwork for the feelings she’s gradually developing for Akihiro, which won’t crop up until the second season.  As with Takaki’s involvement last episode, it demonstrates admirably forethinking character work.

Interestingly, the Brewers ship is a bit of a red-stripe itself.  This is not the same design of stripes that the Human Debris on board wear, but it might be why the red stripes are so much more present on their uniforms—it isn’t just denoting their status, but also their affiliation.  Kudal has that big red spiked collar; the captain has two red stripes on his coat cuffs—it’s really all over them.

In any case, we return to the ship, and find the Brewers’ kids—the main four we’ll be following, though I don’t doubt there are more—eating some very basic looking nutrition bars, contrasting to the handmade lunch Atra and Kudelia just brought Mikazuki. 

They have an extra food bar, which Vito notes the staff left on accident for Pedro—these kids so ill-cared for that whoever’s responsible for throwing their granola rations at them hasn’t even noted a death in their group.

Derma begins a conversation about reincarnation—which is really fascinating, actually.  I mean, it pretty much had to be Derma—Vito’s too angry, Aston’s too taciturn, and Masahiro’s far too nihilistic—but keeping it in mind as something Derma has been exposed to in his history raises some interesting questions about his childhood. I’ll come back to this in the next post, when we get a bit more context.  In any case, it instantly paints him as the most hopeful one in this quartet, which makes him being the sole survivor by season two’s midpoint deeply distressing.  

Also distressing: the speed with which Masahiro shuts the conversation down by pointing out that reincarnation is for humans, which they, as Debris, are not. Dang, kid.  

Protesting that they don’t know one way or the other, Aston scrambles to save the conversation—another interesting choice, given how reserved we’ll eventually find him to be.  Is he trying to lift their spirits?  Stop an argument?  Just sort of maintain group unity?  I’m inclined to think the last, given the role he plays going between Takaki and the other Earth-branch kids later on.  We don’t find out one way or the other, though, as Kudal comes in and smacks Aston around a bit for daring to think about anything other than his current lot in life.

Masahiro gets held back a bit as the other three leave with pooly-concealed dislike.  Kudal tells him not to mess up this time, or he’ll jettison the whole lot of them into space, and it’s the threat to the others that garners any response other than apathy, though even still, it’s pretty muted.  It is a measurable response, though, and one that bodes ill for Tekkadan’s intentions to save him and only him.  

Back on the Isaribi, there’s a brief interaction between Shino and Akihiro—they have vanishingly few of them—wherein Shino notes, in an audibly gentler tone than normal, that Akihiro’s early today, and asks him if he wants to rest a bit.  Akihiro predictably declines, but it’s a sweet little scene, followed by another where Orga entrusts the helm to Eugene, who looks startled, then pleased, with Biscuit and Chad sharing a glance then smiling at Eugene’s cocky response.  It’s easy to complain that the characters are shallow because we spend precious little intimate time with them, but if you’re paying attention to the little exchanges like this, it does wonders to make those side characters feel like they have their own relationships going on in the background.  Like the unsubtitled conversations frequently happening just offscreen, these moments really deepen the setting in ways all the info-dumps about technical minutiae or big flashy mecha battles ever could. 

We get, in the next sequence, a brief look at the inside of the Brewers’ bridge, where (other than the captain) we once more find a whole pile of red-stripes, mixed in with adults in what must be the non-slave-labor version of the Brewers’ uniform.  Note that the two at the helm (Chad’s normal position) are both adults, while the Debris are limited to the more peripheral positions. 

The battle follows, with Mika, Lafter and Azee keeping the other Brewers away from Masahiro and Akihiro’s reunion.  Almost as soon as it starts, Mika swoops in and kills Vito (finally getting his name dropped on camera in the moment of his death).

We also get just a fleeting glimpse, in this sequence, of someone who I’m relatively certain is Dante (he has a distinctive chin), on another infiltration team, this time under Shino’s command.

Meanwhile, Masahiro is so deeply sunken in despair that he doesn’t think going with Akihiro will change anything—they’ll still die in space, somewhere far distant from any planet’s surface.  I suspect that, at this point, he probably still thinks Akihiro is Human Debris like he is—and indeed, if Akihiro were out here under CGS’s auspices, it’d be difficult to argue Masahiro’s point. 

Akihiro argues, though, telling Masahiro with devastating honesty that he had given up on him, but that he’s found people who treat him like a human—people who call him family, even.  As one could reasonably suspect he would, Masahiro takes this—poorly.

Whoops.

Next time, we’ll finish out the Brewers stuff, then move into the Dort arc, where I suspect the red-stripe sightings will be much more swiftly chronicled than this.  Also, the new intro!  Thank you all for bearing with me over the holiday break.  I will refrain from making specific predictions, but the next post should be up in a far more timely manner.  

And man, how ‘bout those mobile armors, huh?

[docayin-blog]

The Best Summer Trail Camera Strategy

The most prominent trail camera strategy in today’s deer-o-sphere is using them to confirm what a hunter already suspects about local whitetails. This is why so many of us mount cameras over standing soybean fields or the edges of food plots in July. We know bucks feed regularly in those spots, and we want to get pictures of them.

It’s pretty simple, really, but often not all that productive. If you’ve got a property locked up and know that no one will come in and mess with the summer patterns, then yes, you can plan a strategy around those images. But be honest, you were going to hunt those spots anyway, because they’re no-brainer locations for early-season bowhunting setups.

The problem with scouting that way is that it works with a good summer destination food source — but then, those patterns crumble just before or right after you get your first chance to slip in with a bow and try to intercept a target buck. This is where trail cameras can hurt us if we’re not careful.

It’s easy to hunt on memory, but a buck that has bailed on his summer food pattern isn’t likely to return to it in a way that will allow you to encounter him during shooting hours. This is especially true if you’re hunting pressured ground, whether public or private.

A better bet with scouting cameras is to use them to figure out what is going on in the places where you’re really not sure what the activity level is, or to sort out the routes target bucks are taking as they travel to/from food sources. Practically speaking, this is what scouting is all about, and it’s possible with the right camera strategy.

KILLABLE DEER IN HUNTABLE SPOTS

The idea obviously is to identify good bucks that might be moving during legal shooting hours, then pin down locations you can sneak into, and actually hunt, correctly. Doing so isn’t nearly as easy as we’d like to believe, though. If it were, success rates would be much, much higher.

Each year I hunt whitetails on public land in four or five states, and if there’s one thing I find consistently, it’s that the easy spots are nearly always worthless to hunt outside the hottest part of the rut. The better bucks I see, and occasionally arrow, almost always have made the mistake of moving during daylight either on a travel route or in a staging area, both of which will be in security cover.

While some big bucks seem to be terribly ensconced in a nocturnal lifestyle, most aren’t. They just don’t move a whole lot during daylight in any place but their favorite sanctuaries. This information matters, because those might be the only spots in which you’ll ever encounter them with enough daylight to get a legal shot.

These spots will almost always relate to a destination food source. That’s true even in the Northwoods, where there isn’t an agricultural field or food plot within miles. The deer usually have a feeding place in mind, but they’ll take their sweet time getting there — and most often, you’ll run out the clock before they poke their nose into any open areas.

So while the soybean field on your farm or parcel of public land is where the bucks will probably end up each night, how they get there and how they leave are what matter most to us hunters. The same goes for the oak ridge in the big woods or an irrigated alfalfa field out west.

My typical strategy is to start at the most obvious destination food sources and place cameras in the first patch of good cover off them, hanging in what appear to be high-traffic spots. This might be a ditch or ravine crossing or simply a trail carved down the face of a bluff. Regardless, the idea is to get an idea of which deer are moving through the cover near the most obvious food.

It’s important to remember here that the July woods can look a lot different from the September woods, and another thing entirely when you consider November. The first, most likely staging area off the food will last until the leaves drop or hunting pressure on the field edges pushes the deer deeper, or maybe persuades them to stay even farther back.

NO DICE…NOW WHAT?

The reason many of us don’t want to engage in this strategy is we won’t run in danger of having our SD cards maxed out with images. In fact, you might not capture anything that gets you excited. That’s a bummer, but it’s important. Eliminating dead ends isn’t as exciting as checking your camera and realizing that a herd of Booners has been traipsing through every day, but it’s also not nothing. Knowing where not to hunt matters, because it allows you to focus your efforts elsewhere.

This is why I try to run at least a couple trail cameras in question-mark locations. The idea is to figure out travel patterns in the cover, but you also must weigh the value of that information against how often you’ll slip in to check cameras and thus disturb the area. (That assumes you aren’t using a cellular camera, which eliminates the need to visit the spot regularly.)

If possible, I try to time my camera checks around rainstorms, but that’s far from a reliable strategy for minimizing disturbance. Instead, I force myself to give a camera at least a month in any given spot during the summer scouting period. Leaving a trail cam to “soak” in a spot for a minimum of four weeks means the deer will have plenty of time to get used to it, and all kinds of weather and the accompanying fronts will pass in that time. This allows me to compare deer movement to conditions and decide if there’s anything worth really paying attention to there.

If I do capture a good buck doing his thing a few times, it also gives me enough time to try to hang some more cameras and attempt to further pin down his daily habits. This is where different trains of thought merge onto the same track. Most of us think nailing down an exact buck’s routes is the goal, and it’s easy to slip into the mindset that deer do pretty much the same thing every day. But while they’re habitual critters, they don’t walk the same trails and utilize the same beds day after day unless they’re very comfortable in one given spot.

For most of us, those spots are behind plenty of “No Trespassing” signs and come with a serious price tag. The reality is, whitetails travel through their world in relation to the conditions and how they’ll be able to use their senses to stay safe. This means the buck that walks down a specific trail once a week is going somewhere else the other six days. Where are they? Ask yourself questions and try to answer them with long-range observation and more camera work.

For example, even though the travel pattern of a good buck on a specific ditch crossing might seem random, it probably isn’t. Think about where he’s coming from and where he’s going. Maybe there’s a pond tucked into the timber 200 yards away. Is he visiting it to get a drink? A well-placed camera can tell you.

Maybe the buck surprises you one evening as you’re swatting mosquitoes and looking through the spotting scope at a green bean field on your farm. Instead of emerging from the woods the way most of the other deer do, he pops up in a grassy swale on your neighbor’s property and hops a fence to reach the groceries where you can hunt.

All such in-person observations and clues gathered by your cameras will allow you to start homing in on an area that your target buck prefers. And that matters — a lot.

THE RIGHT NEIGHBORHOOD

While scouting for bow season we always strive to identify the exact tree from which we’ll arrow a good buck, during mid-summer we’re really just trying to pinpoint his preferred territory. Due to the fact so much can change from July or August to opening morning of the archery season, the idea is to get in the right neighborhood without letting the buck know you’re onto him.

This will allow you to set up a strategy for hunting the early season, but also be careful enough to preserve a buck’s safe zones until you need to slip in. Naturally, this is easier if you’re hunting private ground with limited pressure but is also a possibility on public land. You just need to understand there are no guarantees with the latter category, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to push it in a specific area.

What I’ve found through extensive camera work and summer scouting missions is that the areas I identify as hotspots for specific bucks in July are usually pretty close to where those bucks will be in September. There seems to be a big change in deer movement at that time, but a lot of it is simply that the big buck is becoming more cautious and not running into a field in broad daylight to munch away with his buddies.

That’s OK, though. If you run a practical camera strategy this summer, you’ll know where to set up off the easy food sources yourself. You’ll be able to tease out useful threads from the tapestry that is a buck’s daily habits, so you’ll know where to go even if the easy daylight activity dies on you.

Your Plan B will be way more well-thought-out than your hunting competition’s. So as you slip into a staging area or along a trail you know a specific buck uses under those conditions, you’ll have a better chance of filling an early-season tag.

IN CONCLUSION

Use cameras wisely. Your summer scouting mission isn’t finished just because you put out a bunch of cameras in June. Check them once a month and tweak their locations as needed in order to figure out why the local bucks are doing what they’re doing.

Tie that camera work into some long-range glassing and eventually you’ll start to see patterns emerge with specific bucks and how they conduct themselves on a daily basis. At that point, you’ll be in a good spot to get in and make the most of your early-season sits.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/12/17, 11:11pm - gettin cucked up

me and a particular group of my melee friends have been using the word cuck a lot still and I never really thought about where it came from. Like 4chan probably repopularized the use of the word because I saw that cuckold porn became a really big trend on there, but the way we use it isn’t like cuckoldry exactly, it’s more like getting fucked over, or stood up, or most specifically teased with a promise of a good time and then having someone back out at the last minute.

More on that later I guess. This week’s been so hectic. Wtf it’s only been like 5 days it feels like it’s been weeks already. I’ve restrategized my Get Your Shit Together (4.0) list, and the big three things are 1. pass the RPSGT, 2. get moved out of my apartment, 3. get some surgeries. 

Tony actually wrote my letter for real, so I put in my application to take the test this week! My cpr aed certification is outdated so I got an online one and I’m not allowed, so I have to do a course this weekend and fix that, but otherwise I’m all set. Gotta study hard, I’m pretty fucking pumped to get a raise. Glad I’m not dying for the money rn though, the $500 to take the test and get a new cpr cert would have me stresssssed the fuck out, dude.  No progress on getting someone to take my room just yet, my room’s a fucking mess, I need to do laundry, I’m kinda putting all this shit off for now tbh. We’ll wait until I’ve taken the exam I’ve got vacation this week anyway. And I talked to my dad, who gave me his blessing so to speak to get a vasectomy. I fudged a number that I told him, said that it’s 90% reversible (most numbers say 95% or greater w/in 3 years, about 50% at 10), but with the potential for in vitro fertilization even if the reversal fails I’m sure that’s about right. He told me that my mom had told him that she wasn’t trying to get pregnant for a year or so and then ‘was practically pregnant the next day.’ coupled with how mom was talking about being pregnant at their wedding I can see that lol. He basically told me that he loves all of us a lot, but yeah I would’ve definitely done that because it’s worth it to not have that kind of surprise when you can’t make money for a kid. I definitely can’t make money for a kid right now lol that would kill me. So I’ve already called the doc to get a referral and I’m gonna get a vasectomy. Gotta figure out how much my septum surgery will be too, but that’ll be a lot more -_- Me and dad were catching up for a bit and I helped him get in touch with Dr. Bruce to fix a hernia so he’s gonna be giving me some more money so that’ll help with that too though. Plus I’ll FINALLY be making sleep tech money. I’m so fucking pumped.

Plus basically the past 3 days I’ve Actually just been working. 3 patients a night for the first time this week was stressful as fuck. I mean not exactly. Just time consuming and pretty frustrating. As jimmy said “if you were still trying to get through Zelda you probably would be dying right now.” Made it through fine and that should sweeten up my paycheck just a smidgen.

Still haven’t eaten french fries, but definitely gave up on cigs. Practically like two days later. I was out drinking for Josh’s birthday and smoked a bunch. That shit was so fucking cash omg. I got blackout drunk for the first time in forevvver. Was hanging out with Jimmy, Josh, Ian, Jack, ran around with one of josh’s friends trying to pick up chicks at a bar after smashing beers into our head and shotgunning them. I have a video lol I’ll try to upload it once I have internet. Was trying to ‘flirt with all the ASA bitties’ but got too drunk and ended up boxing someone in Josh’s friend’s basement (w/ boxing gloves) lmfao. Reminded me of middle school boxing Cory Winters and having our little fight club ring lol. Drunk snapped a bunch of people, ian drove me home, it was a great fucking night. Oh and at Josh’s friend’s I ran into one of my asian friends who I could not remember for the life of me. I wasn’t sure if he was a league friend or one of brosciouss friends or a smash friend I was just so lost, but played it off really well (as always) and did jager shots with him. Fuck. Ing. Lit. First time I felt so happy and natural to be drinking in forever, too. Even got to see brett3 for a bit. Nice to be back in chapel hill. Especially when they’re good old drinking buddies like Jack. It’s so strange that I don’t really talk to anybody else from chapel hill, but then again it really isn’t. 

The date with Brianna went pretty meh. We met up and joked around a bunch and thrift shopped and I bought a whole fuckton of new pants to ease the process of spring cleaning and two new sweatshirts so I’m not wearing fuzzy shit all the time now that it’s getting warmer. Ate at Ms. Winner’s and it was some delicious ass cheap fried chicken, might be my new go to in gboro now. But she like barely wanted to kiss me at the end of the date idk what’s up with her, I’ve kinda bailed out since she’s all preoccupied with her family anyway.

Instead ive gone back to what I call my “harem strats” You see, by chatting up as many girls as possible (right now juggling 4-5) I divert my attention and stay aloof enough that I don’t seem like a crazy fuck. Instead I’m just an asshole who’s two timing girls, but yknow fuck you stop judging me.  This girl hit me up on snapchat saying I looked cute in my story and that we should smoke sometime. With the snapchat name Smokeahontas I could’ve sworn it was Kat, so I just go along with the convo. But then I see kat has a diff username and I was like wtfff who is this lol. I didn’t ask her though, just played along and eventually remembered when she asked for my insta that it was this girl I matched with on tinder months ago that I never followed up with (like most of them), probably because I got lazy lol.  Had a sort of date with Jamie, we got some food because she was getting off work, we smoked a bit, but she was like texting the whole time and fuckin bailed out after just an episode of south park to ‘go to the beach with her roommate.’ I still have been talking to her a bunch, but Idk what the fuck is up with that, kinda whack. Super cucked by how that went. Especially because when I walked her out to her car I didn’t even get a kiss goodnight it was this weird lasting embrace like she pressed her cheek into mine to make sure I didn’t try to kiss her I guess, but still held me tight for a really long time, I was like rubbing her lower back hoping she’d like loosen up and kiss me but hooooly shit it all felt super fucking awkward. I’m hoping she’s just really conservative about dudes since she’s such a cutie, but idk. it makes me actually not give a fuck about her. I have a date tomorrow night with the other textiles girl idr if I wrote about her, but she’s cute, going to ncsu. “allergic to smoke” lol I told her I quit. (I mean I had that day before but I lied and said I did two weeks ago hahah goddamn I’m kind of a twat maybe.) Also actually got cucked by smokeahontas. It was like a situation that was too good to be true though, to be fair. She didn’t have anything to do yesterday night and wanted to hang out; when I told her I was stuck at work and said she should just smoke with me in the morning she said she actually wanted to and would stay up all night to meet up with me when I got off. Ofc she fell asleep, and when she woke up she said she wanted to go back to bed, so I flippantly said “well you could always sleep over here.” and surprisingly enough she said she was actually game for that, so our smoke and horror movie date turned into a naptime date. But an hour passed while I was eating breakfast and in the shower so I was like ‘wtf is up’ and she said she got sick and threw up. Figured I was super cucked once more by another flaker, kind of a bummed out, but not as bummed as after the dates with Jaime and Bri both went so poorly lol. Just happily told her we can try again another time, and now she’s saying she wants to do the same plan for tomorrow morning. 

So There. Is. The potential for me to get laid twice tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I haven’t told anyone that I remade plans with her though. RIGHT after I told some friends about how the nap date got planned out she said she was sick. I FUCKING swear that every time I brag about one of my dates I have lined up it falls the fuck through the floor. So I’m gonna try to never do it again. 

Then there’s this other theatre major girl I started talking to yesterday. Talked about horoscopes and transitioned from talking feminism to her (woke as fuck teens smh) into asking if she ate ass (jokingly) into asking if she wanted to hang. Turns out she’s actually a really cool super geeky chick and I’m really excited to spend time with her since she wants to show me jurassic park for the first time and learn how to play melee. Kinda weird that she’s only 18 still though O.o oh you, tyler. 

SO yeah. That’s the sitch with that. Went from supppper fucking bummed a couple days ago about my dating situation into thinking that I’m the shit again. I think I want to establish that “i’m the best” mentality once again. Because I really am. I’m fucking amazing lmao. 

Ultimately though, I’m still getting cucked left and right and I have little to no faith that I’ll find anybody I actually care about ever again but we’ll see yknow. I think that’s the strats to how I fell in love last time anyway.

hmmm. what else is there... Work in burlington is still super shitty, my commute went from an hour to like an hour and forty minutes today bc people in NC can’t drive through a little bit of fucking drizzling. 

Idk that’s about all I’ve got. Next week’s lake week so gonna have to work again in a few days after some date shenanigans and hopefully I’ve got some more good stories and shit. 

[anavoliselenu]

Heart of stone Chapter 10

I was never one to primp and prune for a lavish amount of time, but I sanctioned a solid two hours to prepare for my night out with Justin. I wanted to look perfect for whatever was to come.

 I fretted over wearing a skirt that was just the tiniest bit too short and worried about how to tame my crazy hair. At some point during a wild frenzy of ripping apart of my closet in search of the perfect shoes, it occurred to me that I never officially gave Justin an answer about going out with him tonight and I hadn’t heard from him all day. A part of me wondered if I was wasting my time getting ready for an evening that might not even take place.

 However, the thought quickly passed, as I felt confident that Justin was a man of his word. He had said that his driver would be here at six o’clock, and I was sure that he wouldn’t bail on me.

 Prepared and ready to go, I took the stairs down rather than the elevator, anticipation filling me with a restless sort of energy. I was surprised by how much I was looking forward to the night out, and a giddy smile curved my lips as I made my way across the lobby of my apartment complex. As usual, Philip was at the door to greet me with his friendly smile.

 “Looking awfully sassy tonight, Miss Cole. That’s the second time I’ve seen that fancy ride outside. Is it here for you again?” asked Philip, eyeing me up and down with one eyebrow raised.

 “It sure is, Phil,” I said, blushing under the older man’s scrutiny. I tried to nonchalantly tug at the hem of my black miniskirt, feeling very aware of its short length. I got the impression that Phil didn’t approve of my clothing choice, even though he didn’t comment about it. He was so dad-like, always looking out for the women in the complex. I often wondered if his watchful personality was the reason why my mother and stepfather were so insistent that I lived here.

 “Have a good time. And be careful,” he warned, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

 Why is everyone always telling me to be careful?

 “Don’t worry, Phil. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

 After giving him a reassuring smile, I moved past him and stepped through the door that he held open for me.

 I felt a sense of déjà vu as I headed down the walkway. Justin’s driver was waiting for me outside of the sleek black Porsche, just as he had less than twenty-four hours earlier. However, this time, I was taken by surprise when Hale opened the SUV door. Justin was seated inside the car.

 He was looking down at his phone, but looked up at my arrival. I briefly saw a look of relief flash across his face.

 Was he worried that I would stiff him?

 “Good evening, Selena,” Justin drawled out slowly.

 A bad-boy smile curled the edges of his mouth and his gaze traveled leisurely down the entire length of my body. The heat in his eyes caused butterflies to quiver in my stomach. I nervously tugged down the edges of my skirt. For the second time since putting the article of clothing on, I felt very self-conscience over my bare legs that teetered on heels that were just a little too high.

 “Justin,” I greeted, nerves causing my voice to sound slightly breathy.

 “You look amazing, Selena. Stop pulling at your skirt,” Justin scolded, climbing out of the vehicle. Turning to his driver, he said, “I’ll call you when we’re ready, Hale.”

 “Yes, Mr. Stone,” Hale said all official-like.

 So the silent driver was capable of speech after all.

 That was the first time I had ever heard him speak, as my previous interaction with him had been so reserved and formal, with only a few short nods used for communication. The raspy voice that he had just revealed suited the persona that I envisioned him to have. In fact, I half expected him to salute Justin before he turned back towards the car.

 “Ready for what?” I questioned, looking back and forth between Justin and the Porche. “I thought we were going to your place.”

 “We will eventually. It’s a nice night and I thought we would walk for a bit. Although, you should go back up and change your shoes first,” he advised, looking down at my feet and frowning.

 “What’s wrong with my shoes?”

 “You won’t be comfortable walking more than a short distance in heels that high.”

 “I’ll be fine,” I said, albeit stubbornly. But in all honesty, I was secretly wishing for a pair of sneakers. My stylish four-inchers were definitely not made for an evening stroll.

 “If you think so.” He looked skeptical, but didn’t push the issue any further. Instead, he set his hand on the small of my back and we began to walk.

 “That’s quite an impressive ride that you have there,” I observed, pointing to the SUV as Hale pulled it away from the curb and merged into traffic. “Is that a Turbo or a Turbo S?”

 “Cayenne Turbo S,” he said proudly. But I noticed his slight hesitation before he continued. “Expensive cars are a weakness of mine.”

 I glanced up at him and was able to detect a cautious smile on his face through the dim lighting of the street lamps. I was surprised by his hesitancy. He was normally so sure of himself.

 “No need to be shy about that guilty pleasure with me. I’m used to the car obsession. Frank, my stepfather, is fascinated with anything that has four wheels.”

 “I’m not shy. I’m just being careful – I don’t want to be accused of flaunting my money,” he teased, poking me lightly in the side and causing me to jump.

 Hmm, this is interesting…the playful side of Justin.

 “I could probably tell you something about every make and model of car out there because of him. Everything I know is because of his non-stop chatter at the dinner table growing up.”

 “What do you know about the Turbo S?” he asked somewhat dubiously. If he was trying to test me, this was one test that I’d be sure to ace.

 “Well, where should I begin? I know that the hefty price tag packs five hundred fifty horsepower and is powered by a four point eight liter twin turbo V8 engine. It can go from zero to sixty miles per hour in only four point three seconds, maxing out at one hundred seventy-five miles per hour. It has – ,” I stopped short when I saw that Justin was staring open-mouthed at me.

 “You sound like you’re reading from a spec sheet. Even I don’t know those specifics off the top of my head! You got all of that from dinner conversation?” he asked incredulously.

 “Yeah, sort of. Plus I’ve had a car crush on anything with a Porsche logo since I was thirteen years old,” I confessed with a small shrug.

 “You continue to surprise me, Miss Cole,” he murmured. “It makes me wonder about what else you may be hiding from me.”

 “Frank owns a bunch of car dealerships back home. Car stats were sort of engrained into me. It’s really no big secret.”

 “It seems like you’re fond of your stepfather. Do you have a good relationship with him?” he asked, guiding me around the corner onto Fifth Avenue.

 “Oh, yeah – I don’t have any issues with Frank. He has always been very good to me. It’s my mother that I’m always battling with. She can be rather difficult at times, and that’s putting it mildly.”

 “How so?”

 I took a deep breath and tried to think of the easiest way to describe my mom.

 “She’s just bitter all the time. Really negative, you know? It’s almost like she has something to prove. It’s hard to explain if you don’t know her.”

 “Maybe I’ll meet her one day,” he said easily.

 “Oh, no. You don’t want to meet my mother. She’s stubborn and overbearing to say the least. A part of me would swear that she hates men. Her past is somewhat…well, tainted. You know that expression about a woman who’s been scorned? That’s her. I almost feel bad for Frank sometimes. It’s a small wonder that he’s put up with her for so long.”

 “Oh, I don’t know. She sounds like someone that I’d find interesting,” he said with a wink.

 I watched him for a moment before realizing the hidden meaning behind his teasing. I was, in a sense, describing myself.

 I felt the blood drain from my face as the comprehension dawned. It was like taking a blow to the head. Justin probably didn’t realize how close to the mark he had hit. At some point in time, I had become like my mother – untrusting, bitter, and resentful towards the entire male species. And while I loved my mother dearly, I did not want to spend the rest of my life sharing her negativities.

 How could I have not seen it before? I’m miserable – just like her.

 “Selena, are you okay?” I looked up to see Justin searching my face imploringly.

 “I’m fine. Why do you ask?” I questioned innocently, trying to shake off the unsettling emotions that were reigning down on me.

 “You just got really quiet all of a sudden.”

 I didn’t offer him a reply, as I was unable to formulate any sort of response at that moment. No words could describe what I was feeling. I could only shrug and act unconcerned, and I was glad when Justin didn’t press the issue. This was a whole subject that I needed to evaluate for myself – alone, without his speculative gaze.

 “I haven’t been here in ages,” he said, as we passed under the Washington Square Arch.

 “This park is one of my favorite places. It’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with New York – it’s so full of life. There’s always something going on in Washington Square,” I said wistfully, taking in the activity around us.

 “Yep, the place sure has character all right. I’m pretty sure that the guy sitting over there feeding the birds is in the exact same place that he was when I was here last,” Justin said with an air of distain, nodding his head towards a man that was sitting on a bench, pigeons dancing all around him.

 “Oh, come on! The pigeon man gives this place charm! Besides, he’s better than the lady that feeds the squirrels out of her purse.”

 “A woman who feeds squirrels?” he asked, features pinched in disgust. I started laughing at his repulsed expression.

 “You don’t get out much do you?” I joked, and then laughed again when he scowled. I tugged at his hand and led him towards a park bench. “Come over here. We can sit and people watch.”

 “What’s to watch?” he asked, taking a seat beside me.

 “Have you always lived in New York City?” I answered back with my own question.

 “Yeah, why do you ask?”

 “Because people who have lived here their entire life tend to be immune to the charm around them. See that kid over there?” I asked, pointing towards a young boy strumming a guitar under a tree. “Or that man just down the way with the puppets? You never know what you’re going to see here. That’s why it’s fun. You can just sit back and enjoy the show.”

 We sat quietly and watched people come and go, a distant harmonica and the splash of the water fountain adding sound to the quiet evening.

 After a while, a damp chill settled in the air, as the sun had completely set for the night. I reached down to rub my hands up and down my legs.

 “You’re getting cold,” he observed. “Let’s get going.”

 I nodded my agreement. Walking hand in hand, we started making our way back through the park.

 I glanced down at our entwined fingers.

 This is strange. He’s acting like we’re a couple.

 Keeping in mind that we were very much not a couple, I removed my hand from his. I put my hands in my sweater pockets and made a show of feigning a chill. Justin didn’t seem to notice my withdrawal, but rather wrapped his arm around my shoulder as if he were trying to warm me. My attempt at keeping a bit of distance between us had clearly failed.

 When we reached the Arch, he pulled his phone his from his pocket.

 “Washington Square. Near the Arch,” he barked into the mouthpiece before pocketing the phone again.

 “You should probably be a little nicer to Hale. If I end up working for you, I certainly wouldn’t want you to talk like that to me.”

 “Not if, Selena. When would be more accurate,” he corrected.

 “Confident, are we?”

 “You start on Monday.”

 “Monday? I can’t start that soon! I have to give Wally’s at least two weeks notice and –.”

 “A week from Monday then. That’s more than sufficient,” he stated, as if what he was saying was completely sensible. When we reached the Arch, I stopped walking and turned to face him.

 “Justin, I haven’t even accepted your offer yet!” I said, my exasperation clear. I all but stomped my foot like a two year old.

 “There’s no need to keep going around and around about this, Selena. I’ve already spoken to Walter Roberts. It’s a done deal. Now, are you going to ruin the night or are you going to get into the car.”

 Speechless, I could only stare in shock at him for a moment before realizing that Hale had pulled up to the curb with our ride.

 Rather than argue about it on the sidewalk, I conceded to Justin’s point and begrudgingly turned to climb into the SUV.

 The ride to Justin’s was short, but the silent trip felt like forever. I could feel the waves of tension rolling off me. I didn’t want to fight, yet I couldn’t help but to be more than just a little bit vexed over the situation. I had planned to accept the job at Turning Stone, but would have preferred the opportunity to accept it on my own terms, rather than have it assumed for me.

 I need to get over it. There’s no sense in letting a technicality spoil the evening. The end result is the same.

 I focused my attention on my hurting feet instead, sore from walking too far in heels. Partially slipping off a shoe, I reached down to rub the ball of my foot. Comfort before fashion had always been my rule, and I was paying the price for my stupidity tonight.

 “Dammit, Selena. I knew I should have made you change your shoes,” Justin swore, lips pursed in annoyance.

 “Sorry, Jimmy Choo’s got the best of me today,” I said wryly. “Normally I know better, but I didn’t think we’d walk so much. I’m fine, really.”

 “We’re almost to my place. You can put your feet up once we get inside,” he said irritably. He was evidently unhappy with my lack of practicality.

 I only wore them for your benefit!

 I rolled my eyes and almost said the words aloud, but the car came to a halt just then, signaling our arrival.

 I glanced out the window to see a towering condominium complex. Hale came around to the side of the car and opened the door for Justin and me. When we stepped out of the vehicle, a brisk wind slapped me in the face and I shivered from the assault. I could smell rain in the air and I knew it wouldn’t be long before Mother Nature replaced her generously warm October temperatures with harsh winter winds. Justin and I hurried into the building.

 The lobby of the building was very swank looking, with its marble floors and gold embellishments throughout. A young man, wearing what looked like a bellhop uniform, was changing the trash bag of a garbage can in a nearby corner. When he glanced up and saw us approaching, he immediately dropped the bag and scrambled over.

 “Mr. Stone! I’m so sorry, sir! I didn’t know that you pulled up or else I would have –,” he started.

 “Don’t worry, Jeffrey. Finish what you were doing,” Justin assured and waved him away. Jeffrey anxiously began fumbling in his pockets.

 “At least let me get the elevator for you and your guest! I have your key card somewhere…” he trailed off, still frantically searching. Justin watched him patiently for a moment or two, before flashing his own keycard for Jeffrey to see. The frazzled young man paled. “Oh, no. If my boss finds out about this, he’ll kill me!”

 “Your boss is on my payroll. I assure you, your secret is safe with me.”

 “Thank you, Mr. Stone,” Jeffrey said, seeming somewhat doubtful. He hesitantly nodded his appreciation and then returned to his task of taking out the trash.

 Justin led me over to a bank of elevators. I raised my eyebrows in surprise when he swiped his keycard through a slot labeled “PENTHOUSE”. Although, I shouldn’t have been shocked in the least bit.

 Like he would actually live in anything other a penthouse…

 “You’re not going to tell his boss, are you?” I asked, glancing back at the still very distraught Jeffrey. From the way he had panicked, it was quite apparent that Justin was a force to be reckoned with around here.

 “Of course not. Jeffrey’s a little overzealous sometimes, but he means well.” Justin paused then and gestured me into the elevator to his private residence. “After you.”

 When the doors closed quietly behind us, all thoughts of the eager Jeffrey left me and I was immediately overcome with tension once again. However, this time, it was for an entirely different reason than in the car ride over. In the enclosed space with Justin, I could almost see little molecules of sexual tension colliding and rupturing in the air between us.

 I clasped my hands together to stop them from fidgeting, but the effort only seemed to increase my awareness. My breathing became irregular, coming out in short bursts. Vivid images of our kiss last night in the restaurant filled my head, causing my imagination to run rampant. To my mortification, my panties began to feel damp, clinging to the sensitive flesh between my legs, heightening the completely unexpected burst of arousal.

 We’re only two people in an elevator for Christ’s sake!

 I wanted to reach out to him so badly, to run my hands up his torso, over his shoulders and into his hair. All I had to do was step slightly to my left and he would be within my reach.

 Just do it.

 The devil on my shoulder was taunting me, pushing me to take what I wanted without regard.

 I looked up at Justin. His heated gaze bore into me, causing my face to turn ten different shades of magenta. I could swear that he knew what I was thinking.

 He reached over and pressed a button on the panel in the elevator. The lift suddenly came to a halt.

 “Justin, what are you –.”

 I was abruptly silenced as he pushed me roughly against the back wall. He pinned me there with his powerful arms, his hard body pressed against mine. There was a fierce look in his eyes, almost dangerous. I began to panic over the lack of mobility. I couldn’t move if I tried.

 And I was terrified.

     ****

     I crushed my mouth onto hers. Fueled by absolute lust, I devoured Selena with the intent of kissing her senseless. I don’t know what possessed me to do it. Maybe it was her cheeks that flushed scarlet when I looked at her. Perhaps it was those fidgeting hands. Or maybe it was the way she rolled her eyes at me when I lectured her about the insensible fuck me shoes – shoes that I wanted to see her wearing without any other stitch of clothing.

 She thought that I didn’t notice when she pulled her hand from mine in the park. But I knew what she was doing, and I wasn’t going to let her push me away again. I shoved my tongue passed her lips, my urgency to taste her completely unleashed. I didn’t allow for a slow build up like I had the night before. Instead, I refused her any sort of finesse and took her mouth fully. Like an assault. Hard. Powerful. Needy.

 I allowed my teeth to graze over her lips, nipping at her pouty lower lip, before moving down her jawline to her neck. I breathed in her scent.

 Mother of god, she smells devine…

 She was a sultry combination of red plums and jasmine, making her ripe for the picking. I tugged on her earlobe, and she let out a small gasp. I groaned from her sudden intake of breath, her response like a lighting bolt to my groin. Gathering her mass of curls in my hand, I kept her pinned against the wall and attacked her mouth again. I pressed the full force of my weight against her, holding her firmly in place, making her boneless in my grasp.

 I knew that I could probably take her right then and there. By the way she pushed her hips up against me, I could tell that her need was hot. It was all I could do not to hike up that little excuse for a skirt and bury my cock in her heat. To be lost in her. In everything that was Selena.

 But it wasn’t the right time. Not like this. I wanted her to feel the way that I did first, to have her endure some of the same hell that I had experienced day in and day out since our first meeting. She drove me to the point of madness, and I wanted her to suffer right along with me.

 Summoning all of the willpower that I could attain, I tore my mouth away from hers.

 “If the elevator stays immobile for too long, security will be called and I don’t want the hassle,” I excused. Even to my own ears, my voice sounded hoarse. Raspy. Like I was a dying man struggling for his last breath.

 Who was supposed to be punishing whom here?

 I stepped away from her and moved over to the elevator panel. I pressed a few buttons and the elevator resumed its ascent. Selena, on the other hand, remained unusually silent, cheeks flushed and eyes wide with shock. She had a slight tremble about her, and I had to suppress a satisfied smile. She was most definitely turned on.

 When the double doors opened, I led her through the spacious main foyer of the penthouse and into the dining area.

 “You have a great place,” she finally spoke. I watched her as she took in the details of my residence. She was smiling, and her eyes were wide with fascination. Personally, I had begun to get tired of the penthouse, although I didn’t tell her that. She was too much of a joy to watch, eagerly absorbing every detail like a sponge, and I didn’t want to ruin it. Like she had in the park, she was able to see things that I had stopped appreciating long ago.

 “Have a seat,” I told her, and pulled out a chair at the dining room table for her to sit.

 Once she settled in comfortably, I pulled another chair over towards her. Bending to lift her right leg, I removed one of her shoes, and placed her bare foot on the opposite chair.

 “Justin –,” she started in protest, but I cut her off.

 “You need to elevate your feet or else they’ll swell and you’ll never get your shoes back on later.”

 “My feet are fine!” she said, seeming embarrassed. I ignored her quick tongue that could never stay silent for long, and lifted her other leg to repeat the process. “No really. I insist.”

 She leaned forward, attempting to stop my progress with the left foot, but I swatted her hands away and continued.

 “Do you have to argue with everything I say? Just keep your feet up, Selena,” I ordered, placing her foot on the chair. “I’ll be right back.”

 I left her gaping after me, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, and went into the kitchen.

 I pressed my lips together in a tight line. I had thought a little evening stroll would soften her. Evidently, I was wrong. I was quickly learning how much Selena despised being told what to do.

 Every time I thought of a new approach, she would pose questions. Or Argue. Or just be Selena. It didn’t matter what I did – she thwarted my every move. I knew she’d be a problem since day one. I knew she would be work. But her disobedience was a rather large obstacle that we’d have to overcome. And soon.

 I grabbed the handle of the refrigerator and yanked it open, the force causing the bottles in the door to clank together dangerously.

 Easy now...

 I was too worked up. It was that sassy mouth of hers…so damn sexy, but it never shut up. I never knew if I wanted to gag her or kiss her. Knowing that, I should have held back in the elevator. By kissing her, I only succeeded in frustrating myself, and I was still hard like a fucking rock because of it. I had to think sensibly and maintain control, which is something that I found myself grappling with whenever I was with her. She made it too damned difficult.

 I pulled a platter of cheese and fruit from the fridge and set it carefully on the counter. There was no point in slamming things around the kitchen. I’d most likely end up scaring Selena, if she wasn’t already terrified after my revelation last night.

 Candida.

 Matteo’s advice was still a warning in my head, a troublesome reminder that she was innocent. How innocent still remained to be seen, as she wasn’t an easy one to read. Finding out the answer to that question was imperative before things went any further.

 After unwrapping the cellophane from the platter, I moved over to the minibar to choose a bottle of white from the wine cooler. I perused the selections, trying to decide what would pair best with the cheeses.

 Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay? Both will go nicely, but which would she prefer?

 I glanced over at Selena, intending to ask her if she had a particular wine preference. However, she had a look about her that made me pause, and I didn’t want to interrupt the picture that she painted before me.

 She was running one delicate hand over the wooden top of my dining room table. She wore a soft smile on her lips, appreciating the craftsmanship of the design. She looked beautiful sitting there, feet up on the chair, seeming completely at ease. And in that moment, I realized that she had never before looked quite like that in my presence. She had never appeared so completely relaxed.

 So unguarded.

 I stood there studying every beautiful line of her captivating face. Seeing her that way, it was almost hard to believe she was capable of so many smart remarks and witty comebacks. Perhaps her sharp tongue and contentious behavior was a defense mechanism, one that she relied on when she was uncomfortable. If that were truly the case, then I would need to take corrective actions to remedy that problem. I had to calm her, or else I’d never get through the weeks ahead.

 Weeks?

 Since when do I think long term about these things?

 The idea was novel for me and I was stunned to discover that I liked the idea of her being here more regularly. In my space. With me. It was a distressing sort of feeling.

 This can all go to shit at a moments notice. Take it one step at a time.

 A change of tactics was needed, for Selena’s sake as well as my own. My normal methods of operation would have to be thrown out the window. Attempting to take control by laying down the law would only backfire, so I began to construct a new plan – one that would make Selena feel more at ease. Once she was relaxed, I would begin to work on her trust by giving her what she’s been asking for.

 Full disclosure.

 Selena would have no doubts about what I wanted from her after tonight. She would know exactly who and what I was. She would either run, or she would stay. If she stayed, then that’s when the true test would come into play – tonight I would discover if Selena could put away that independent mind of hers long enough to pass her first lesson in submission.

 Finally feeling like I had somewhat of a solution to Selena’s argumentative nature, I turned my attention back to the wine selection. Smiling to myself, I settled on a bottle of Joh. Jos. Prüm Riesling.

 Sweet. Like her.

 I grabbed two crystal wine goblets and went back to the dining room, focused on the mission ahead. I could only hope that Selena would keep herself open to what I had in mind.

My head was still reeling from our kiss in the elevator. Justin, however, acted like nothing was amiss, and went about his business in the kitchen. Even though the kiss had only lasted a few moments, it was long enough to cause an electric charge to shoot straight to my tightened nipples. For when he had pulled away, I was left panting and yearning for more. Even at that moment, I suffered from a tremble of sexual desire and my lips still felt swollen from his assault.

 Now, finally having more than five feet of space between us, I was able to focus on settling my wild hormones. It was quite obvious that two years without sex was working against me. I inhaled a few deep breaths, closed my eyes, and counted to ten.

 When I opened them, I felt considerably calmer, and much less like a horny teenager in anticipation of the after prom party.

 Having a clearer head, I took a moment to get a better look at the penthouse. The layout of the impressive space was wide open, and I was able to see most of the living areas from my seat at table. The kitchen layout was catalogue perfect, with its black marble counters and appliances that any top chef would drool over. I was able to see Justin as he gracefully moved around the resplendent kitchen, collecting items from the refrigerator and rummaging though the drawers of the sleek maple cabinetry.

 From the kitchen, the living room flowed almost seamlessly, opening up to a vast space that was outfitted with black leather furniture, elegant cream-colored area rugs, and hammered bronze metal artwork for the walls. Each piece looked as if it were custom made for the room. The entire place screamed luxury with its expansive wall-to-wall windows, revealing remarkable views of the Hudson.

 The dining set that I was sitting at was made of polished tigerwood with an intricately designed wrought iron pedestal. I ran my hand over the tabletop, appreciating its beauty.

 This piece alone must have cost a small fortune.

 To say that the penthouse was grand would be a complete understatement. But despite it’s obvious luxuries, it seemed to lack something. It was cold almost, and just a little too perfect.

 Justin came back to the table, a large tray in one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other.

 “What’s all of this? I thought you said no frills, Justin.”

 “It’s wine and a cheese platter that I picked up earlier today. I’d hardly call this anything fancy,” Justin said dryly, placing the tray on the table.

 “You bought it? Don’t you have a maid or someone to do that for you?” I hoped that the question didn’t come off as rude or assuming, but I couldn’t help it. I felt intimidated and small in this imposing surrounding.

 “I do, but it’s her day off. I’m not much of a cook, so if you want more than this, we’ll have to order takeout. It’s just you and me tonight, baby,” he said with a wink.

 My stomach tightened upon hearing that we were completely and utterly alone. As absurd as it might sound, I had assumed that someone as rich as Justin would have had a twenty-four hour staff at his fingertips.

 “We’re the only ones here?” I asked, unable to hide the nervousness in my voice.

 “Don’t be afraid, Selena. I won’t bite – at least not tonight,” he joked.

 I looked up at him in surprise. I wasn’t so sure if he was just yanking my chain.

 After pouring us each a drink, Justin lifted my feet from the chair, sat down, and then rested my ankles on his thighs. He began a slow circular massage on the ball of one foot. I practically sighed from the pleasure of it.

 “You don’t have to do that, you know,” I told him halfheartedly. I really didn’t want him to stop.

 “I want to,” he said casually and continued to rub.

 I certainly wasn’t about to argue with him and his magical hands, so I relaxed into the chair, sipped a bit of wine, and nibbled on some cheese.

 Ahh…a girl could get used to this.

 I watched Justin, so careful and concentrated, fingers working mini miracles over my aching feet. So far, the night had gone off without much of a hitch. And while things seemed to be going smoothly, it was somewhat bizarre at the same time. He said last night that he didn’t date, yet last night and tonight were exactly that – a date, at least in every sense of the word.

 “I’ve put some thought into the conversation that we had last night,” I said. “I’ve decided that I’m not looking to date anyone any more than you are. I don’t know why you’re putting on this false charade. The only things missing are a few candles for ambiance.”

 I was careful to keep my tone light as I gestured to the room around us.

 “There’s nothing false about this whatsoever. I mean, we could just fuck now and get it over with, but I don’t think that would work for you. I can see the questions that constantly circle in your head. You’re curious about me. Because of that, I’ve been giving you space to think about what you want – at least for the time being. You shouldn’t read too much into this, Selena. I truly meant what I said. I’m not the dating kind,” he reaffirmed. “To classify last night and this evening as a date would only result in certain obligations that I cannot meet.”

 “No strings attached sounds good to me,” I said, somewhat hesitant in these unchartered waters. “Although, I’ll have to admit that I’m not very good at this sort of thing. Let’s just pretend that I’m willing to agree to what you want. How do you want this to work?”

 “It’s simple. You work for Turning Stone during the day, and your evenings and weekends are reserved for me,” he stated pragmatically, as if he were proposing something that was so very normal.

 He might as well have said that he wants to control my entire life.

 Trevor and his ridiculous schedules stood out front and center in my mind. The similarities between my past and the current situation were not lost on me for one minute. Sex was one thing, but allowing him to control every minute of my day was a whole different beast. Reclaiming my independence was a hard fought, uphill battle. I was proud of what I overcame. Agreeing to what he was suggesting would be a giant step backwards and risked everything that I tried so hard to protect.

 “I have a life, Justin. You can’t possibly expect me to give it up in order to be at your beck and call.”

 “I know that and I won’t be unreasonable. I understand that you have friends and family that need your attention as well. I didn’t mean every night in the literal sense. But trust me, sweetheart. When I call, I’ll make it worth your while,” he said temptingly. He flashed me another one of those to-die-for smiles as his hands continued to massage the joints in my feet.

 His sexy James Dean maneuvers were making my head spin.

 Stay focused!

 “So let me get this straight. I work with you during the day, you sign my paycheck, and then I become your kinky concubine at night.”

 He grinned and cocked his head to one side. Eventually, that grin turned into to an easy laugh.

 “You could simplify it like that if you want.”

 “I never thought that going to bed with someone could make me sound like a hooker,” I laughed in return, forcing myself to dismiss the angel that was waving the scarlet letter in front of my face. She wasn’t finding this conversation even remotely funny.

 “Don’t cheapen it that way. I’m asking you to willingly submit yourself to me,” he said guilefully, sapphire eyes gleaming with mischief. “And you will agree to it because it will please me.”

 “I suppose that next you’re going to tell me that women agree to this arrangement all the time?” I asked, still slightly guarded and somewhat skeptical.

 “I typically don’t have trouble working it out. Although some women make it more difficult than others.”

 “I can certainly see why some might have a problem with giving up every spare moment of their time for you,” I said dryly.

 “Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. I meant that some women prefer to secure non-disclosure agreements first, which I find completely pointless, but will agree to when I have to,” he explained.

 “Non-disclosure agreements? Wait – forget it. I don’t want to know. In fact, the whole idea of us working together, sleeping together – it’s all crazy. I don’t see how we can mix the two,” I told him, feeling completely disconcerted over the situation that I had landed myself in.

 Maybe it’s time I take heed of the angel’s warnings.

 “If you are worried about us being able to work together during the day, I assure you, our paths will seldom cross. I am a very busy man.”

 My head snapped up to look him in the face.

 “Don’t worry, Justin. Facing you at work is the least of my concerns.”

 “It should be,” he said, eyes burning into me with unspoken secrets. “The things that I will do to you are not things that civilized people talk about during the light of day.”

 Why couldn’t I have chosen to take a crack at a normal guy?

 There had plenty of opportunities over the past couple of years, yet I had chosen to get back in the game with a man that was anything but ordinary.

 Only I would choose Mr. Danger-licious.

 But, despite the many uncertainties that I felt, the sheer idea of submitting myself to Justin sparked a dark edge of desire that I didn’t know I possessed. It stirred in the depths of my belly, diffusing a warm tingle throughout my body whenever I was near him. There was no denying how much I desperately wanted him and my little devil friend began to construct a red and white striped tent around the disapproving angel in preparation for a full-blown circus.

 However, before I became a showgirl for Barnum and Bailey, I needed to find out exactly what he wanted me to submit to.

 What things did he want to do to me? Why couldn’t civilized people talk about them?

 But I was afraid to voice my questions. Instead, I evaded.

 “It’s only sex, Justin. People talk about it all the time,” I said weakly.

 He lowered my feet to the floor, shifted his chair closer to mine and rested his hand on my knee. He looked down and shook his head, like he was frustrated with me for some reason.

 “Look, I’m sorry. This is a lot to process,” I said, feeling defensive. “I’ve never done anything like this before. Casual sex isn’t something I normally do, which makes me worry about what I’m getting myself into. My experiences are pretty limited.”

 “Exactly how limited, Selena?” he asked, lifting his head to reveal troubled eyes.

 I tried to decide how much to tell him. My only real partner had been Trevor. The sex was good, but nothing kinky. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I experienced a true orgasm with him. From the way I’ve heard Allyson talk, an orgasm was the most mind-blowing thing ever. I suddenly felt like a babe in the woods.

 “Well, there was Trevor. I dated him for a couple of years. But then he cheated on me, and well…let’s just say that it ended bad. Really bad.”

 Justin leaned forward in his chair, eyes dark and narrowed into slits.

 Well, that’s interesting…does that bother him?

 “Is that why you don’t trust me?”

 “I don’t know you, Justin.”

 “Okay, fair enough. But tell me this, how was the sex between you and your…ex?” he asked, obviously choosing not to say Trevor’s name. I felt color surge into my cheeks at his forwardness.

 “It was okay,” I answered shyly, with a little shrug of my shoulders.

 “You say it so casually. Was the sex good, or wasn’t it?” he pushed further.

 “I don’t know how you expect me to answer that. I don’t know – it was sex. What else can I say about it?” I said meekly.

 “Selena, don’t be daft. Did you orgasm with him or not?”

 Again, his brusqueness threw me off guard. My cheeks flushed a deeper crimson, the heat spreading to the tips of my ears, and I was embarrassed to say that I didn’t know.

 “These are really personal questions and the answers are none of your business,” I responded quietly.

 “Last night we agreed to no games, remember? I’m giving you brutal honesty and I expect the same in return. Like you, I also need to know what I’m getting myself into. Talk to me, Selena,” he demanded.

 “I don’t know, okay! I don’t know!” I exclaimed, my embarrassment reaching an unparalleled level.

 “That’s typical,” he frowned and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms in a display of obvious disgust. “Most college boys don’t know what to do with a woman. What about your other experiences?”

 “There was this other guy, but that was nothing,” I dismissed.

 “What other guy?”

 “Nobody, just a guy.”

 “Selena…” he warned.

 “Geez, you’re pushy! It was a one-night stand, all right? Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. Not something I like to brag about. Are you happy?”

 “That’s it then? Two guys?” he asked in astonishment.

 “Is there something wrong with that?” I shrunk under his confounded look. He was making feel like some sort of prude.

 “Well, it’s just that…I knew that you were probably inexperienced, but I didn’t realize that I misjudged you by so much. That day in the grocery store…the cinnamon gum…” His voice trailed off. He raked his hands through his hair in obvious frustration.

 Hmm…the gum thing did throw him for a loop after all.

 I felt a little smug, but not enough to cover the embarrassment over my lack of sexual expertise. I automatically jumped on the defense.

 “Well, excuse me Mr. Lets-fuck-and-get-it-over-with! I’m sorry that I don’t have enough notches in my bedpost for you, but that’s me. Take it or leave it.”

 “Damn it, Selena! What am I supposed to think? Of all the flavors of gum on the shelf – peppermint, spearmint! You chose cinnamon.”

 “So what?” I asked, confused by his outburst.

 “Cinnamon is an aphrodisiac! I thought you were trying to imply something when you tossed it in my cart,” he said as justification for his apparent bafflement.

 “It is?” I asked in surprise.

 That’s an interesting little fact.

 I almost laughed at the irony of our situation.

 “Why else would you have done it?”

 “I, um…” I trailed off.

 Because the way you chew a piece of gum is hotter than hell.

 “Forget it. I guess that’s what I get for assuming and thinking with my dick. Fuck,” he swore, shaking his head.

 He stood up and began pacing the room.

 I just sat there completely mystified by his behavior. He was normally so composed, only giving me the occasional glimmer as to what he might be thinking. Never had I seen him so conflicted.

 And all because of a gum flavor?

 “It’s no big deal – just a misunderstanding, Justin,” I reassured. He stopped pacing to look at me.

 “You really have no idea what I am asking of you, do you?”

 “Of course I do. I’m not that naïve.”

 At least I didn’t think I was.

 “What do you know about BDSM?”

 His question took me by surprise. I raised one eyebrow at him, racking my brain to try and recall any knowledge on the subject.

 BDSM was that kinky shit, right? When a guy liked to dress a girl in a costume and give her a spanking? But what does that have to do with chewing gum?

 I made a mental note to start reading sleazy romance novels instead of crime and mystery.

 “I know enough,” I said, raising my chin with false confidence. I was trying to hide how much of an amateur I really was, all while attempting to wrap my head around the fact that he wanted me to play the starring role some twisted sexual fantasy.

 The simple fact was that I knew some stuff, but not a lot. And the more I thought about the subject, the more I realized how limited my knowledge was. Either way, if Justin thought I was going to parade around looking like the English interpretation of a French housecleaner, he had another thing coming to him.

 He eyed me up and down. His gaze was heated with desire, although I saw a flicker of uncertainty in the depths of his eyes as well.

 “You think you know what I’m talking about?” he challenged. “We’ll see about that.”

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY, so here’s last night’s post. Sorry for the delay, main computer is still out of commission for reasons that remain to be seen. 

Okay. So. Most of today was awesome, but we hit a bump at the end of the road which currently has me typing this on my phone instead of my laptop, but we’ll get to that. My alarm went off at 8:30, I had messages from Jess wanting to leave ASAP so I brushed my teeth and through my clothes on and was ready to go by 8:44 (I’m good like that). So she picked me up and we headed to the con center, we made our customary McDonald’s stop but the botched our order by putting milk in Jess’ coffee that she requested to be black, and gave me a bacon egg and cheese McGriddle (with the round egg) instead of my standard bacon egg and cheese biscuit (with the round egg). Side note, I don’t understand McGriddles. They’re not like, bad, they’re just kinda odd. I’m not sure how I feel about the mixture of flavors going on. Like I don’t normally eat pancakes with eggs and cheese on top, that’s just odd. But I still ate it of course because I didn’t care that much. We got to the con center and parked, then headed to the lobby where we met up with some friends who were there for the day. I was doing my new Lois Lane cosplay, Smallville inspired look specifically, since this was mostly going to be my Smallville day with the panel and getting selfies with Tom Welling and Michael Rosenbaum. Michael didn’t have any selfie times scheduled before the panel at 1 and Tom only had a short window with a line that was already way too long for him to get through, so for the morning I just tagged along to say hi to Matt Ryan while selfies and such we’re done. After that I didn’t really have anything else pressing to do being that I’ve seen pretty much the whole show floor numerous times by now, so I decided to stake out the panel room in order to try to get a good seat, an effort that was noble but ultimately failed by poor communication between the con staff members. When I went up to the room the panel preceding the Smallville one was just starting, and I asked a staff member if they were clearing the room between panels since cons do that sometimes, but he said no, they were just clearing the first three rows, so I said okay cool and grabbed a seat fairly close to the front on the left edge of the room. The panel was from the show Outlander which I know nothing about except that it’s something to do with Scotland, but the cast was fairly amusing so that was nice. I was mostly on my phone though using the time to find a certain item for my NJ cosplay I’m still keeping under wraps for the moment which should be the last thing I need in order to complete it. I also went through the Airbnb listings I’d saved for our NYCC trip and narrowed them down to a few choices similar in price which I would check later to see which had the best proximity. Since staying in Manhattan is damn near impossible and incredibly fucking expensive, pretty much all the listings were over the bridge and on the eastern edge of New Jersey, which would work well enough. The Outlander panel ended, and I made my move to get up front, and asked another staff member if there was some restriction on only VIPs getting the first few rows since I know cons do that sometimes but they had no indication that they were doing so, and he said no, they’re open to everybody. Okay, cool, I got a pretty good seat in the front row, but then came the VIPs and like.....I get that you paid an exorbitant amount of money to achieve your VIP status but like, they were being such assholes about it and were just standing there talking about how all of us lowly general admission people were gonna get kicked out and like, it was honestly so unnecessary it really pissed me off. At that point though I had already decided I wanted to ask a question, and the situation being what it was I knew if I left my seat to do so it would probably be stolen by somebody. Sure enough though, a staff member got onstage and was like “the first three rows are for VIPs only everyone else needs to move” and there were some hearty protests about how much they fucked up doing that and now all the other seats were taken and we’d have to go to the back, which is bullshit because I wouldn’t have been in the front to begin with if their worker hadn’t told me I could. Ugh, whatever, I didn’t have the energy to waste bitching at them, so I went and sat at the end of a row right next to where the microphone was for people to ask questions, and when people started lining up for that I was second in line so that worked. The panel was so fucking funny. Michael Rosenbaum, which I have to say looks sooooo much more attractive with hair, was fucking hilarious, he was running around the room with his mic and like getting in peoples faces and it was fucking hysterical. I did get to ask my question, which was basically asking if they would be up for returning to tv as their characters if the Smallville universe were to become one of the “earths” in the multiverse in the current dctv continuity. I was trying to be specific so they would know what I meant, but I think it came off a little too complex and they were both like....huh? Then started laughing and it was pretty funny. But they ultimately said that they would definitely be open to it, and if you send them a good script they’d make it happen, so that made me a bit happy to hear, even if I know the chances of it actually happening are very slim, because seriously since they introduced the multiverse in the Arrowverse I’ve been hoping they could tie in the Smallville universe as another earth (also potentially the movie universe which would be a great way to tie them together, but apparently none of the writers could think of that brilliant plan) so knowing that it’s at least possible made me happy to here. As soon as the question asking was over I booked it out of there and went down to Michael’s table to get the selfie. The line was relatively short and he came back fairly quickly, so I got up to him after not much waiting. I basically just said I was forever ruined for any other Lex Luthor because they would never be as good as him, and that I got into the show late and just always wanted them to join the Arrowverse even if I knew it probably was never going to happen, and he was basically just like “well, you know, it just might one of these days” which of course made me smile. Tom’s booth was right next to him, and had a significantly longer line. By the time I finished with Michael and got on Tom’s line, Tom hadn’t even show up yet  so it was a bit of a wait, but I got there eventually and he was pretty great and we got an awesome selfie together, basically saying he would definitely be open to returning which made me happy. I had met back up with Jess at that point and we were both ready to bail, so we headed outside (it was SOOO fucking hot today) and over to the restaurant to eat/validate our parking. So we ate and then headed home, I spent a few minutes putting some stuff away before taking my laptop and sitting on the couch to watch some Game of Thrones. I noticed my laptop wasn’t fully charged, which was weird because it had been on the charger overnight, but it made me thing maybe kitty had chewed the cord and broken it, but I really hoped that wasn’t the case so I just used it, and then when the battery was dying I plugged it in and sure enough, part of it was covered with bite marks and was not transmitting a charge. Fuck. I tried to come up with some way to make it work but I just couldn’t, so I hopped in an Uber headed to Best Buy which closed at 8, and it was currently like 7:35 so I knew I had to book it. When we got there at like 7:50 I ran right in and asked where the Mac chargers were, and while the guy was taking me to them I was like “also I’m really sorry for coming in ten minutes before the store closed” and he just kinda laughed and said at least I had a very simple request, not like wanting to see a bunch of appliances or something, so that made me feel better about it. The shitty part of all of this was Apple changed their charger port on the model computer I have now, but most of their accessories are sold as the old model. So I got what I thought would work and ubered home, only to find out he ends of the cable we’re not the right size and there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. UGH. I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal, I can swing by Apple tomorrow after my first interview and get a charger, the whole thing just made me feel very anxious and stressed which of course I did not appreciate. But I tried to get back to watch GoT, and I’ve now come across the Sansa getting married (the second time) plot and I’m just like man, this poor girl is constantly getting the short end of the stick. So I watched it for a bit before watching a few episodes of 30 Rock, and then getting ready for bed and getting here. It’s almost 1 am now and I have to wake up at 8 to get to my job interview way on the south side and I am very tired, so with all that said I will leave you here. Goodnight dolls. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.