#I get very mad that the X characters don't come up as common tags on tumblr

[bunnimew]

Discipline

They watched as Sorata followed on Arashi's heels, barely giving the woman any space.

"It must take a lot of patience for her to deal with him," Aoki said in wonder.

Karen smiled and gently smacked his shoulder. "Or she just loves him very much."

Aoki laughed. "I guess so."

[snorlaxlovesme]

HI HELLO MAY I ASK MORE

38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

i'm greedy

38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

i'm glad it clarified "posted" story (i literally have a unpublished wip titled "self-indulgent wes and soul BS" because it's a sequel to ANOTHER wip, also not finished. that fic is my personal playground). ANYWAY. ignoring the fact that ALL my fics are self indulgent, More Confused Than Usual [x] is probably the best example of one. for starters, it's Pokemon, a fandom i rarely write for. it's also contestshipping (May x Drew), a couple i have only absorbed through fanon because I never actually...watched Advanced Generation? i've seen clips but i've watched maybe ONE episode feature May and Drew from start to finish. and thirdly it's tropey as hell. who doesn't love a good amnesia shenanigans fic? the writer i mentioned in your previous ask, Bittersweet Romanticide? she'd write something like this. THAT's probably why i love it.

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fic?

the last two fics i've posted both have the tag "food as a metaphor for love" which i found very funny in hindsight. is this my niche? i also love writing that gray area of love where 2 characters would die for each other but also have never come close to confessing their feelings or even admitting they HAVE feelings. my aroasexuality loves putting a lid on ANY concrete evidence of romance in my fics. YES these characters share a love that's strong enough to move mountains, to traverse oceans, to wage wars. no, they probably won't kiss.

72. What's your favorite writing compliment you've gotten?

any time someone tells me that my writing has like, existed somehow outside of their phone or laptop i lose my mind a little. like my baseline assumption is that people read my writing, then solemnly nod their head, think "hm.", and click the kudos button. so when someone tells me that my writing made them cry??? made them laugh out loud in class?? that they talked about my story with another human person? idk, it makes it feel more real. a real human person read something i wrote and somehow it caused a physical reaction out there in the world somewhere. isn't that weird?

79. Do you have any writing advice you'd like to share?

i think my favorite piece of writing advice is that "write what you know" is terrible advice. or terribly reductive advice. whenever professors at my college would trot around that piece of advice with no follow-up i'd get so mad. like you want me to write what i know?? my day-job is Maid and my night-job is Couch Potato. i clean toilets and go home and watch TV. what the hell do i know? and who'd want to read that? it felt like i wasn't allowed to go beyond that in my writing because i didn't have experience with it. then i took those Stief courses and got BETTER writing advice. when writing what you know, you should be writing the EMOTIONAL TRUTHS you know. you don't need every character or situation to be 1 to 1 comparable to your life, but if you want what you write to believable then try to find the emotional truths within that situation that are. ex: an original concept i've toyed with is a story where the world fast-forwards a whole year in the blink of an eye. as in, the entire world FORGOT what happened in the past year, and now is struggling to pick up the pieces of their new lives. people have moved, gotten new jobs, broken up, had children etc. and have to grapple with these changes they have no context for. the main character? a woman who works at the penguin emporium at the zoo. she puts on a scuba suit and sucks up fish guts and penguin shit from the bottom of the tank. she teaches little kids about penguin gestation periods. the conflict? all of her co-workers and loved ones have dramatic Leap Year conflicts except for her, because her life doesn't appear to have changed at all. i have never experienced long or short term amnesia. i have not and never will work as a penguin shit vacuumer at a zoo. this is very outside the realm of my expertise and has required a lot of youtube video research about penguin care. it SHOULD fall outside of my WWYK bubble, but that doesn't matter! the emotional truth is something that resonates with me deeply, as a late 20s woman who had felt stagnant in her life while other people were changing rapidly around her. are the readers going to get caught up in the penguin details, or are they going to relate that the book shelf they've been planning to build for months is STILL sitting in its box a year later, while their neighbor just got engaged AND promoted? that they STILL leave their clean laundry on the chair in their room instead of folding it, but their favorite co-worker doesn't actually work with them anymore because they transferred to the department they've always wanted to work in? i could have my character be space alien. a deepwater fish. a Vegas showgirl. that stuff is all window dressing if i can still get THAT emotional truth across. THAT'S writing what you know. and i can know all of that from my night job sitting on my couch.

[captainderyn]

18, 20, 26; fic writer asks? :3

Thank you for the asks sorry it took six billion years to get to <3

--

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

A fun fact about me is that I hate naming fics ;--;. Titles are the bane of my existence. Any title you see of mine was forcibly yanked out of my sad little head by sheer force of "I WANT TO SHARE THIS".

The real answer: after I write fics lol. It is very rare for me to have a title before I go to post on tumblr or AO3 and more often than not the titles are a one or two word thing that are relevant to the plot (see the oh so creative Misfire where Garrus misfires, and Dog Tags where Ryn is...you guessed it, given 'Garrus'' (her) dog tags).

Occasionally I have what I consider a stroke of genius such as And They Were Couchmates aka a play on the iconic vine, or Under the Party Tree which was just a sweet and call back for those who followed along with my first LOTRO fictober.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Thematically, over the years, my fics have become a lot more hopeful and generally gear towards having a happy ending. In The Olde Days (about age 16-18) my fics explored a lot of pretty dark, heavy stuff as I inevitably worked through The Angst of Teens and needed an outlet for whatever the hell was going on in my brain. Nowadays I find I write a lot more happiness in dispersed with my angst, which is often plot driven.

Similarly, I've keyed in on the fact that what I write is often a reflection of what is going on internally for me at the time. Misfire was written when I was going through a lot and as such Ryn also happens to be Going Through A Lot.

But other than that, I like to write a LOT of very tightly character focused stuff. I don't tend to do a lot of sweeping plots, its a lot of character interactions. For better or for worse.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Oooh hm...that is a good question. Does referencing my OLD Fanfiction.net Warrior Cats x LOTR crack fic oneshots count (no you can't find them on the internet)? I know a lot of people want to hide the stuff they wrote at like 12 but I still think that's pretty damn funny.

Lol no, uhm, I am super pulling a blank on this one. For sheer "why did you write this, Deryn" purposes, probably Little Victories because I never engaged with making contact for Check, Please ever again despite really enjoying the series (which I reread last month after not reading it since 2019). And the whole reason I wrote the fic was out of spite because the person who introduced me to it angry vague-blogged about me listing it as a fandom I'd do commissions for despite them introducing me to it (???). So I mentally, at 18, said "fuck you I'll give you something to be mad about"...and for the longest time it was my highest kudos/views/comments fic.

[theinkedfoxsl]

Choose violence all of them. All of the violence.

omg why

the character everyone gets wrong

not oc: tartaglia. oc: ezel

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i don't have a compelling argument, all my favs are switches.

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I've seen a lot of bad takes on tumblr, I've been here over a decade lmao. But honestly? Most "writing tips" are absolute garbage and constantly contradict themselves and each other.

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don't hesitate :) there are no last straws, if i do not like you, goodbye. this has gotten me into shit in bigger communities where people talk to each other but i do not care.

worst discord server and why

my old one<333

which ship fans are the most annoying?

mercy x moira fans and also any tart shipper.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Diluc. I was pretty mid on him but after following uhhh certain people who were super annoying about him and awful with his characterization i hate him now.

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

what's a common fandom opinion?

worst part of canon

retcons when a media becomes more popular. happened to genshin, overwatch, dbd, ect. They need to pump out more information and they end up contradicting themselves and making their media boring.

worst part of fanon

idk this might just be my issue personally but i watched a lot of people tell a lot of lies to make themselves look better and its. something. i'm here to enjoy a common media, not get into your little cat fights.

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

35 for JUST tags. And its because my mutuals can't tag consistently, yall ANNOYING as hell for that btw. its come to the point where i have to fucking post filter instead of tag filter. i hate yall.

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

(holding corvus) i just think hes pathetic.

worst blorboficiation

diluc or tartaglia, also lion(r6)

that one thing you see in fics all the time

I don't read fics anymore unless its my mutuals. Nothing interests me enough. That being said, lot of fuckboy shit in the old genshin days. he would not do that.

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

a lot of people can't seem the grasp the wide range of asian skintones, let alone shade them correctly.

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

cheating hcs, or thinking kaeya specifically would be a cheater. are you stupid or??

there should be more of this type of fic/art

genuine love for what you're writing rather than what'll get clicks. I can see how soulless some things are.

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the paladins fandom in general is very much asleep, wake up bro

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Mutual obsession is my weirdest thing I g, it can be done well.

part of canon you found tedious or boring

As I mentioned before, once things start to get retconned and changed, it becomes tedious afterwards. You can see they're stitching together the pieces they think will do well, with no regard to the actual story.

part of canon you think is overhyped

Eh

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Kaeya's favourite flower is a medicinal one.

ship you've unwillingly come around to

corvus/caspian, meg/trapper.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

i don't know i don't pay attention lol

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Graphics updates for dbd.

[synnthamonsugar]

14, 19, 25

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

Wandering into the tags and seeing the same 5 or so oc x fandom favorite male character ships. Note: I'm among their ranks so I shouldn't be one to talk. There's nothing wrong with it, and I acknowledge fandom should be a fun thing and some things will, broadly, be more appealing to more people. But by the same token I wish more love would be given to side characters. I wish there was as much of an oc shipping scene focusing on women & nb characters. To say nothing of the elements of racism and colorism that tend to play into who gets to be the "fandom sexyman".

19. you’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

Broadly, ships that I generally don't like but like certain interpretations of. Or, ships that I detest in-canon but think there's great fanon for, and wish would stay in the realm of fandom because fans are the only ones who can do them justice.

Most frequently this comes up with f/m ships. For a lot of reasons I would rather not see them put in the spotlight, in-canon; because they tend to be put through the Bland Heteronormative Horseshit blender and come out a dull-yet-unpalatable puree of Stereotypes and Tropes that could as easily be made out of any randomly selected man and woman character.

More seriously, it's hard to see them because I'm living through a time in history when powerful people are increasingly bold in affirming that the proper place for women is the confines of traditional heterosexual marriage; that we are incomplete without men; that we were mistakenly given independence. Seeing those expectations play out on the screen or page, even if inadvertently, even if the writer didn't mean to, makes me feel a bit shit.

Looping this around, I do like what the fans do with many of these ships. This is a hard thing to explain to others. This can be a hard thing to justify to myself. It's easy to be a hater, and it's easy to turn up my nose at them and choose not to engage, even when reinterpreting them would be the more constructive thing to do. I like it when we're "playing dolls" with them, when the power is in our hands, when we can tell our own stories with them; I do not like being given a simple toy that can only be used one way and expected to find enjoyment with it.

25. common fandom complaint that you’re sick of hearing

Endless moralizing around villains. The arguments for and against rooting for them, sympathizing with them, etc. To be fair I come mostly from fandoms where the villains act on such large scale or with such weird stakes that they only have very loose resemblance to any sort of real-world evil, which makes them fun to engage with in a way that more recognizable villains aren't. I think some people forget rule of cool, or the power fantasy of being able to do whatever you want, or seeing injustice and violently lashing out against that.

[itshoneywhatever]

I posted 429 times in 2022

22 posts created (5%)

407 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@derpinathebrave

@floydsin

@scottishaccentsareawesome

@fangirling-tussisque-noncaelatur

@yoonsos22

I tagged 384 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#icemav - 93 posts

#top gun - 90 posts

#top gun maverick - 85 posts

#hangster - 78 posts

#bradley rooster bradshaw - 59 posts

#tom iceman kazansky - 56 posts

#jake hangman seresin - 56 posts

#pete maverick mitchell - 49 posts

#sereshaw - 42 posts

#top gun: maverick - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#so hangman hogs all the covers until he realizes is better yo simply cuddle up to rooster

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HOLY SHIT MY MOST BELOVED STORY JUST HIT 1000 KUDOS 😭💞

Thank you to everyone who has read Divided We Fall, Together We Stand. Your love and support means the world to me 😭💞

6 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#4

You're a Bad Habit I Can't Shake Off (but I still want more)

Summary:

They don't date, they are not even friends, what they have is similar to a bad habit you want to quit. And now they have to figure out how to be parents together.

Fandom: Top Gun (Movies)

Pairing: Bradley Rooster Bradshaw/Jake Hangman Seresin, Tom Iceman Kazansky/Pete Maverick Mitchell

Tags: ABO Dynamics, Mpreg, Omega Jake Seresin, Alpha Bradley Bradshaw, Omega Maverick, Alpha Iceman, Alive Tom Iceman Kazansky, Post Canon

Rate: Explicit

Chapters: 1/?

Link: Chapter 1

17 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#3

I can’t believe I’m already writing chapter 2 of my omegaverse top gun: maverick fic, like the chokehold this movie and its characters has on me is unbelievable 🤦🏻‍♀️

22 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#2

I think “Take me home for the night, Bradshaw, or risk losing me forever” is the best line i’ve come up with in a very long time, I’m absolutely obsessed with it

40 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Easy to Manipulate

A Tommy x Alfie snippet

“Fuck you, Tommy. Don’t ask me that.”

“Arthur is still mad about what happened, and to be honest, Alfie, I don’t give two shits about it but if I want this plan to work, then Arthur needs to hear, at the very least, a fake apology.”

Alfie shakes his head in disbelief. “You ask for too fucking much, Tommy.”

 “Tell you what,” Tommy moves forward on his seat, arms coming to rest on top of his desk, hands clasped together. “If you apologize to Arthur I’ll let you fuck me right here before I call my brothers in.”

Sex between them has become somewhat of a common occurrence ever since they first met in London, and it had only stopped once Tommy had married Grace. And after her passing, Tommy hasn’t had sex with anyone else.

Alfie would be the first one after Grace.

And the idea of that is too enticing for the man sitting in front of him – that’s how he knows Alfie will comply with what he’s asking of him.

“Come here, you crazy fucker.”

Tommy tries to not look so smug at how easy it is for him to manipulate the other man with sex, as he approaches him.

They are trying to make themselves look presentable and not look like they just finished fucking a few minutes ago, when his brothers walk into the drawing room.

The moment Arthur spots Alfie and tries to run out of the office, any post-coital bliss that Tommy might have had lingering in his body left him rather quickly.

Back to business.

“Arthur, come here.” The older Shelby reluctantly obeys. “Now, Mr. Solomons is here because the next part of my plan involves us working together and before that happens, Alfie would like to say something to you, and I want you to listen, alright?”

Tommy watches in silence, trying not to laugh as Alfie mockingly apologizes to his brother, he sees how his brother gets more on edge by the second but thankfully, by the end of a very long, very fake apology, they each remain seated on their seats and there’s no ashtray being smashed on anyone’s head – he’ll take the win.

Once that apology is out of the way, they are able to move on to talk the business part of the meeting.

“You didn’t need to rile him up that much, you know,” Tommy comments when they are once again alone in the drawing room.

“Yeah, but he makes it so easy.” Tommy simply shakes his head, amused because he knows how easy it is to rile his brother.

“Want to go upstairs?” He asks after a moment of silence.

“Tommy, sweetheart, I love that you think so highly of me but I don’t think I can fuck you again. Not for a little while longer, at least.”

“Well,” Tommy walks around the desk to stand closer to where the other man is sitting. “You can always stay the night. I mean, is late already and is a long drive back to London and we both know how much your sciatica acts up when you sit still for too long in your car,” Tommy says in a fake concerned voice.

“Yeh, it would be nice, yeah, to spend the night. You know, for my sciatica. And bad knee,” Alfie follows Tommy’s games without a second thought.

“That’s right. We can’t forget about your knee.”

“Lead the way, then.” Alfie says as if he’s never before stayed at the house. What follows is an evening filled with moans and pure post-coital bliss.

56 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[inkabelledesigns]

I know everyone else is putting their stuff in the tags so far, but I have too much to say for that so we're writing in paragraphs.

For me it's Monster High all the way. Why? Prepare for an essay under the cut!

For every G3 MH doll I've opened, the dolls have had minimal defects and were easier to unbox, at least on standard releases. I can't speak to Skulltimate Secrets as they have yet to show up in my area, which is unfortunately a very common problem with dolls here, they take months to show up and rarely clearance out. But besides that, MH focuses on having fun with the designs and giving each character a clear individual vibe. It's driven by characters, and even though I haven't gotten as much of a feel for the show as I'd like, I'm a sucker for stories and character concepts, which makes MH stronger for me. (Also side note, really appreciating Twyla. I have never had an autistic character that I've loved the writing on, and she is so special to me, ADORE her. Yes that swayed me into getting her doll, besides the fact that she's got a great design with colors I love, mad love for the door details too.)

Like it's been HARD to narrow down which dolls I want because they're all great! I'm primarily a customizer, but I'm here picking up dolls to customize AND collect with this line, which I did not expect to be doing. I thought Draculaura and Cleo were so pretty that I went and grabbed a second one because I couldn't customize my firsts, they got sentimental fast. But also, ever MH dolls feel different from each other. This Draculaura is so great. I miss some of her G1 fashion and the pigtails, but I love her in the now too (also I can style the hair any way I please, mine has pigtails). The different body additions are nice, like Abbey's new horns, the return of Twyla's glow-in-the-dark eyes, Frankie's awesome new leg, the wide variety of sculpts and shapes (I will not shut up about how much I love the ears this generation).

There are things I like about RH too. The hair is nice, I've had fun styling it, and some of the designs are very cute. My very first doll was Stella Monroe, and I love her, even though I wish her neck was articulated better (posing for photos is a big deal for me). Brianna Dulce? LOVE her too, just wish she came with more than pajamas. Carmen Majors, Emi Vanda, Shanelle Onyx, Delilah Fields, all really solid, beautiful designs. I tend to gravitate towards the dolls that stand out from the rest of their respective lines. I'm not really into the whole thing with modern fashion and brand parodies, but some of the clothes are interesting (Emi's skirt with suspenders is a piece I'd wear IRL). At the very least, I liked it when they still came with extra shoes, though the generic high heels were again, not my vibe (I have complaints about MH shoes too though, I want more that's out-of-the-box). Like, the clothes are very high quality and I will give them so much credit for that, but that doesn't mean much when most of the fashion choices aren't to my taste. X'''D And nor should they be, clearly I'm not the target audience.

I've had a lot of poor experiences with RH, a majority of my dolls have come with defects, and they're so hard to get back into the box to return/customer service kind of sucks. There should not be so much staining and paint smearing when I'm paying as much for them as they are. Maybe that's changed since I stopped collecting them (for the sake of the current audience I hope it has), but I just, don't really wanna go any farther. There's a lot to appreciate about Rainbow High, but even for the dolls that are at the same price points as MH, I'm just not into it. I'm a big supporter of "if you don't like something, you can change it with art", but there's so much that I'd want to change about RH as opposed to MH that it's not worth it for me.

That being said, I love all the girlies that I have, and I look forward to seeing what's in store for the future. Both lines are doing some really cool things that vibe with a lot of different people, and that's great! What a treasure! Happy collecting fellow doll fans!

Question for collectors! If Rainbow High/Shadow High and (g3) Monster High dolls were both being sold for the exact same price and you had to choose one or the other to buy, which would you choose and why?

I'm genuinely curious to hear people's thoughts and reasonings for this. I'd also like to add that because this is hypothetical try to be generous in your thoughts. Like I wouldn't compare core Clawdeen to Lola Wilde, but I would happily compare Skulltimate Secrets Draculaura with Minnie Choi.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

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*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.