#I get the og post wasn’t really concise but I’m just tired of seeing the chromosomes argument

[shaftking]

>Dating (and sex) is inherently discriminatory. You can refuse to date someone because you don't like the field they work in, because their relationship with their parents gives you bad vibes, because they really love dogs and you're scared of them. You can refuse to fuck someone because their [lack of] bodyhair doesn't appeal to you, because their sexual history worries you, because they're too fat or too thin to be attractive to you.

I agree. No one should feel like they have to date anyone. My point was to draw attention to the flawed argument that chromosomes are significant to attraction in any way, or at least not as important as secondary sex characteristics.

>Is any of that nice to people who may fall into categories you're excluding? No, but foregoing your own boundaries and/or preferences because you "don't want to be mean" is one hell of a terrible reason to be with someone.

Again, no one is obligated to date anyone. The issue arises when someone says they don’t want to date a trans women because she is trans and thus “not a real woman” and bringing up chromosomes or something instead of just saying “I just don’t feel that way about you.”

> If all of those are okay (not nice, potentially hurtful, but okay) so is refusing to be with someone who has a wholeass penis when that's something you have 0 attraction towards and are in fact disgusted by.

Which, again, is fine. No one is obligated to date anyone. Do what you want, but like I said above, instead of voicing your “disgust” about someone’s body you can literally just say “I’m just not into you.” You don’t have to be an ass.

>You're not reducing someone to their genitalia when that's the reason you refuse to date them any more than you're reducing them to their career when you say you don't want to date a doctor, or to their animal preference when you say you don't want to date a dog lover (though, to be clear, an innate lack of attraction to the opposite sex' genitalia is a lot different [more rigid and even more important to respect] from preferences like these).

It’s reducing someone to their genitalia when it is the decing factor in how much you can give someone baseline respect. You can not be attracted to trans woman as much as you can not be attracted to brunettes, the issue is when you decide that those factors of attraction to you personally are what make this person a woman and that make her deserving of respect. You should never tell someone that their innate attributes disgust you.

There are people that genitals are significant to in a relationship, but that was never the point of the original post. Chromosomes are not the end all be all of attraction, and more often than not, play no role whatsoever. My point was that no one factors them into attraction, so bringing them up in conversations about attraction is meaningless. A trans woman could have XX chromosomes and not know it, and at the point that she is fully transitioned, what functional difference does she have to a cis women if we all agree that a woman is more than her tits and ability to have children?

>I used to date people I wasn't attracted to at all because I felt like it would be unjustifiably mean to reject them. In the long run that was bad for us both. You absolutely end up hurting people when you can only reluctantly have sex with them, when you can't love them back the way they love you, when you can't show them genuine attraction. I hate dick and nobody who has one should have to put up with my visible disgust damaging their self esteem or causing dysphoria. Even if you think it's transphobic (if not impossible?) to reject someone based on their genitals.

And I’m sorry you were ever in that kind of a situation. Again, not one should have to date anyone and it should be more normalized to just deny romantic proposals with no reason given. I agree that it is unhealthy to put yourself into a relationship you know you will be unsatisfied in.

People should be honest with their partners, but this is all aside from the intended message:

Chromosomes are not a make or break for dating. No one carries around chromosome scanners to see someone’s chromosomes before they accept their proposal for a date and it’s not “cheating” or “tricking” anyone for a trans person to operate in their dating life the same as anyone else. You can date who you want, but you can respect the people you don’t without viewing them as romantic prospects.

ain’t nobody attracted to fucking chromosomes. No one sees a hot woman in their dating pool and thinks “god I hope she has XX chromosomes 😩.” Literally no real person thinks like that crazy asses.