#I get it though it’s like when you accidentally overshare and you really do gotta be like ANYWAyyyy

[hohohozier]

Hozier really wrote two exceptionally profound verses about flowers as a metaphor for life and death and love and followed it up with BUT ANYWAY 🤪

[bumblebee-moreno]

Awkward meetings (GN!reader)

Request: "Awkward first meeting for all the boys" and "Awkward first meeting and You lost something very important to you and they’re helping you look for it with Frankie Morales" for @luminescentlily

(Boys included are: Din, Javier Peña, Agent Whiskey, Frankie Morales, Max Phillips, Marcus P, and Marcus M.

Warnings: None?

A/N: Sorry this took so long to write. I had to leave a few boys out due to writer's block (Ezra, Tovar, and Zach Wellison), and I wanted to get this posted rather than continuing to stare at the screen in hopes of my brain miraculously functioning. To make up for my lack of inspiration at least a little bit, I added Marcus Moreno. Hope that's ok :)

Din Djarin

You feel a tug at your pant leg. Looking down, you are greeted by a pair of large watery eyes and big green ears. “Well hello there,” you smile, crouching down to be closer to the small child. “Where’s your family?”

He simply responds by lifting his arms towards you. You take that to mean he’d like to be lifted up. Scanning through over the crowded marketplace, you search for someone who the kid might belong to. You really have no idea what you’re looking for, having never seen anything like him, but you search nonetheless.

“Hey!” an angry voice calls out behind you. You whirl around, and before you know what’s happening, the child has been torn from your grasp and there’s a blaster to your head.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him I swear, I was just trying to find his family,” you blurt out, raising your hands in surrender.

The figure in front of you doesn’t respond at first, keeping his blaster pointed at you while he inspects the child for injury.

“Why did you have him?” The voice from under the helmet demands.

“I just found him by himself and I wanted to make sure he found his family,” you explain, voice shaking. “Are you his… Does he belong to you?”

“… yes.” He cautiously returns his blaster to its holster.

“I’m sorry,” you relax. “I didn’t mean to scare you. He’s just so… small. I didn’t want him to stay lost.”

The Mandalorian clutches the kid close to his chest as if he’s afraid they’ll be separated again. “Thank you.” He nods his head just enough for you to see the motion.

Javier Peña

“Shit, I’m going to be so fucking late,” you mutter to yourself, walking as fast as you can without sending the tall stack of papers in your arms flying.

On your way down the hall, you start going down your mental checklist.

‘Closed the window so the cat doesn’t escape? Check.’

‘Turned off the lights? Check.’

‘Locked the front door? Fuck.’

You stop in your tracks. How could you forget to lock your front door? You spin on your heel and run back towards your apartment, your one free hand switching between searching for your keys and adjusting the unstable tower balanced on your other arm.

In your haste to get your apartment locked so you can get to work on time, you fail to watch where you’re going.

Your body smacks into another. You fall backwards, losing your grip on the meticulously organised files. They scatter across the floor, completely losing the order you’d spent all night putting them in. The wind is knocked out of you for just long enough to hear the man you ran into grumping about how you should watch where you’re going.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I’m running late, I should’ve been paying more attention.” You pull yourself to your knees and start gathering your work off the floor. You’d normally stand and make sure the man you ran into is okay, but things at work are tense as it is, and being even later than you already are isn’t going to reflect well on you. Especially now that all of last night’s hard work needs to be done over.

You expect him to get up and walk past you. After his reaction to being practically tackled, you wouldn’t expect him to give you more than a second thought. But then a stack of papers lands on top of the one you’re already holding.

Your eyes shoot up to meet his. “You okay? You hit the ground kind of hard there,” Your neighbour asks.

You swallow thickly. “y-yeah, I’m fine,” you give a shaky smile. “How about you?”

“I’m all right, just running a bit late,” He offers a hasty smile before helping you to your feet. “I gotta get to work, but um, I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, momentarily forgetting how late you are.

Agent Whiskey

‘Ugh I really needed this day off,’ you type underneath the photo before pressing send.

You place your phone on the edge of the tub before relaxing back into the warm water.

It isn’t long before your phone buzzes. Your eyes widen in horror at the response:

‘I think you’ve got the wrong number, darlin’.’ It’s paired with a photo of a man you’ve never met.

He is kinda cute though. You’d never think the whole “unironically cowboy” thing could ever work but… No. No. You can’t be thinking that kind of stuff. You just texted a stranger a photo of you in the bath for fuck’s sakes, you can’t be attracted to him after that!

You frantically scroll up to examine the photo you sent, breathing a sigh of relief when you confirm that the photo you sent didn’t have anything too revealing in it; between the angle of the camera and the bubbles in your bath, nothing too embarrassing is visible.

‘Shit, I’m so sorry, that was meant for a friend ’

You pick up the shred of paper your best friend scribbled their new number on while you were at lunch with them yesterday, to figure out what happened.

‘not a problem, It’s a nice distraction from this god awful meeting I’m stuck in’

You frown. ‘You’re in a meeting and you’re texting a total stranger?’

You return your gaze to the phone number in your hand. “what in the fuck,” you say aloud to yourself. The second to last digit. It’s supposed to be a 4. Not a 9.

A shaky photo appears on your phone. It’s obviously taken from peeking just the camera of his phone over the edge of the table.

‘Damn, that looks like a serious meeting, shouldn’t you be paying attention?’ If you were texting at work, especially in a meeting, you’d have your ass handed to you unless someone was dying (and even then, it would depend on what kind of mood your boss is in that day). And this guy is just casually texting you, a stranger, during a meeting with people who look like they make more money weekly than what your whole car is worth.

‘I’m a bit more concerned that I don’t even know the name of the person who texted me such a lovely photo 😉’

‘It’s Y/N.’ you send. ‘And please delete that picture, that’s kinda private’ you ask, crossing your fingers that he respects that.

‘Already done. Mine’s Jack, since you obviously weren’t going to ask 🤠’

A soft smile appears on your face. Maybe it is kind of okay that you accidentally typed in the wrong number. Or… it will be after you (lovingly) cuss out your friend for having such bad handwriting.

Frankie Morales

“Shit.” You mutter to yourself, searching through your pockets. “shitshitshitshitshitshitshit” You swear you just had them. Or… maybe you left them on the counter back at the library?

You turn around to run back, rifling through your bag. You only make it a few steps before you’re knocked backwards to the ground.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” you blurt the moment you catch your breath again. Barely sparing a glance towards the man you ran into, you start gathering your books.

“No, no. I’m sorry,” the man insists. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He helps to gather your books.

“You okay?” he finally asks.

You look up at him and freeze. He’s really cute. In the ‘I give the best hugs in the world’ kind of way.

“Yeah,” you respond breathlessly. “I just think I lost my car keys at the library, and I’m running late for lunch with a friend.” You mentally kick yourself. You just ran over the only attractive man you’ve seen since moving here, and then the first thing you do is overshare?

“Oh, did you want some help looking?” he immediately offers.

“I wouldn’t want to be any trouble.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he shrugs. “I’ve got lunch plans I’m desperately trying to find an excuse to get out of, so you’re helping me, really.”

“Okay, um… sure,” you nod. “an extra set of eyes looking wouldn’t hurt.”

“Cool. I’m Frankie.”

You introduce yourself and shake his outstretched hand.

The two of you make your way back towards the library.

“so…” you break the uncomfortable silence. “Lousy lunch plans, huh?”

“…yeah,” Frankie falls silent for a moment. “A couple of guys I used to serve with invited me out and I didn’t really have an excuse to say no.”

“Don’t get along with them?”

“We used to be friends, but I’m kind of rethinking that lately.”

“Oh,” you debate asking more questions. But then again, he doesn’t have to answer if he doesn’t want to, right? “Did… did something happen?”

“Convinced me to go to South America a while back, which would’ve been fine, except we kind of got stuck there, and my wife was left alone with the baby.”

Your stomach dropped at this. You’re not even sure why; you just met the guy, you really have no reason to be disappointed he’s taken.

“Was she at least understanding?” You ask.

“huh?”

“Your wife.”

“Oh,” Frankie chew his lip for a moment. “no. When I got back, she was… possessive. Searching my phone, never letting me go out with friends, that kind of stuff. Separated a few months later.”

“Oh,” you try to ignore the fact that your heart skipped a beat; you can’t be excited—that’s insensitive. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Frankie pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, actually. I was helping you find your keys, and here I am ranting about my whole tragic backstory as if you actually cared.”

“I don’t mind.” You actually like listening to him. But you keep that to yourself.

“You shouldn’t have to listen to all that though—”

“Shit!” you interrupt him. “I’m such an idiot.”

“What? What’s wrong?” Frankie looks like he’s assuming the worst.

“…I didn’t lose my car keys. I walked here. And lunch with my friend is next week.” You chuckle bitterly. “I was so lost in my head I completely forgot she rescheduled. Sorry I wasted your time.”

“It’s okay,” Frankie laughs. You can’t help but smile at his lopsided dimple. “Hey, since you don’t have lunch plans and I want to get out of mine… Can I take you out? You can tell me your life’s story since you already know mine?”

“Sure,” you smile, though half of you is screaming to just leave the country to escape the embarrassment.

Max Phillips

“Ew, no.” you scrunch your nose.

“Hey, you’re the one that lost the bet.” Eva insists.

“I am not kissing a random stranger.” You sweep your gaze across the crowded café.

“It was your idea.” Eva sips her tea.

“That was because I thought I was going to win.” You cross your arms across your chest.

“You don’t get to opt out just because you’re a sore loser.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know them, what if they have a disease or something? Gross.” Your stomach turns at the idea.

“Okay, fine.” Eva sighs. And, for a fleeting moment, you have hope that she’s given in. “Kiss that guy then,” she points.

You turn. “Oh my god, Eva. No.”

“What? He doesn’t look like he has a disease,” Eva shrugs.

“He looks like a frat boy.”

“He’s cute though.” Eva leans in a not-at-all-subtle way to get a clearer view of him.

“I hate you.” You stand up. “And when I’m done, you’re buying me an entire bottle of vodka to wash my mouth with.”

“Yes!” Eva cheers triumphantly. A few people shoot her expressions of annoyance at the outburst.

You storm over to the man and pull him in by the collar. His lips barely brush against yours before you’re stomping back to your friend. Though, for a moment, you actually consider staying to talk to him. Eva was right, he definitely isn’t hard on the eyes.

You push the thought from your mind and collapse back into your seat, scowling at your friend.

“You’re literally the worst human being on the planet,” you huff.

“You’re just being dramatic,” Eva laughs.

“Am not.” Okay… maybe you are, but Eva can’t know that.

“Fine. We’ll go get you a drink once I’m back from the bathroom.” Eva skips off, still laughing about your reaction.

She’s barely out of sight before her seat is filled by the stranger you just kissed.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I lost a bet,” you don’t look up at him, instead choosing the glare at a stain on the wooden table.

“I figured as much.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I also figured I have the right to at least know the name of the person who just kissed me.”

You reluctantly introduce yourself, still refusing to make eye contact with the man.

“I’m Max. And, if you want to apologise for kissing me without my consent,” he throws a napkin with a phone number scribbled in red sharpie onto the table in front of you, “You can call me.”

Marcus Pike

You hum quietly to yourself, unable to stop smiling. It’s been so long since you’ve gone on a real date. You turn on your shower, but instead of water coming from the showerhead, it starts leaking from the base of the hose.

That can’t be good. You turn off the water and fiddle with the shower. Maybe it just came loose.

You reach for the handle to try the water again. But before your hand can even touch the cool metal, the entire shower head disconnects from the wall and clatters to the shower floor.

Letting out an exasperated groan, you start gathering your clothes into a bag. You really don’t have time for this today. Crossing your fingers your neighbour is home, you head next door.

You’ve never actually talked to him, but you figure he’s probably a safer bet than the crazy old neighbour on your other side; the way he looks at you whenever you run into him gives you the jitters. And not the “he’s a creep” kind of feeling you get when anyone else stares for too long. More like the “he’s probably got a taxidermy cat in his living room and a human body in his closet” kind of feeling. So the neighbour you’ve never even introduced yourself to will have to do.

Your knock echoes through the quiet air. Shifting from foot to foot, you wait impatiently for an answer.

The door clicks open, leaving you face-to-face with your neighbour, who is way cuter up close than you expected him to be.

“…hi,” He greets you as if he’s startled by your presence.

“…hi…” you bite your lip and tear your gaze away from his face to examine your shoe. “I… Well, I live next door, and well—”

“I know,” he interrupts.

“I-What?”

“I’ve seen you… around. We get home from work at the same time, so…”

“Oh.” You chew on your lip for a moment. “Look, my shower broke, and I have a date I have to get to, and well…” you drift off. Are you really asking your irresistibly adorable neighbour who you’ve never met if you can use his shower?

“Oh. Okay, did you want to use mine then?” You pretend not to notice how pink his face has turned.

“Would you mind? I just—I’m running late and I don’t have time to figure out what’s wrong with mine before I leave and still have time to get ready to go.”

“Sure, Come on in,” He shuffles out of the way to allow you space to enter. “Down the hall, second door to the right.”

“Thank you so much,” you smile awkwardly. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

You walk as quickly as you can without breaking into a run to get to the bathroom, leaving Marcus frozen in the doorway.

This is not how he imagined meeting you. Not that he imagined that at all. And he definitely hadn’t spent hours trying to figure out how to ask you out. Because that would be weird.

And he just let you use his shower to go on a date with someone else.

Fuck.

Marcus Moreno

“Excuse me,” a voice speaks up from behind you, just barely audible over your music. You turn around to find that the voice belongs to a young girl.

“Hello,” you greet taking out your headphones.

“Do you see that guy over there?” she asks, pointing across the cluttered bookstore to a man struggling to balance a tower of books while skimming the shelves for more.

“The one in the glasses?” you confirm.

“That’s my dad,” the girl nods. “He thinks you’re cute, but he’s too afraid to talk to you.”

“Oh,” you say, unsure whether you should be flattered or amused.

“He says it’s ‘cause he doesn’t want to weird you out,” she elaborates, “but I think he’s scared you won’t like him back.”

The man glances up, and, upon seeing his daughter talking to you, rushes over. He pauses only briefly when he trips over a box of books placed in the middle of the walkway.

“Oh, here he comes, act natural,” the girl whisper-yells just before her father arrives. “Oh, hey dad,” she greets him nonchalantly.

“Missy, what did we just talk about?” he scolds.

“I know, I know,” she rolls her eyes. “I shouldn’t go up to strangers and tell them my dad thinks they’re cute even when he totally does.”

Missy’s dad freezes, a look of horrified embarrassment washing over his face. “You… You told them what?”

“I’m going to shop some more,” she walks away, winking at you.

“Hey, you get back here, young lady,” he calls after her, struggling not to raise his voice above a murmur in the middle of the peaceful book shop. His daughter ignores him.

He groans under his breath. “I’m sorry about her,” he turns back to you.

“It’s okay,” you laugh. “I’m Y/N,”

“Marcus.” He looks down at his armful of books. “I’d uh… I’d offer a handshake but…”

“Don’t worry about it,” you smile. Marcus smiles back. You allow a moment of uncomfortable silence before speaking up again. “So… you think I’m cute?”

“What? No! I mean, Yes. I mean…” Marcus’ face scrunches up in embarrassment. “Yes? But not… not in a weird way. I wasn’t like… admiring you or anything. That’d be… weird.” Marcus hangs his head with an exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ll just shut up now.”

You smile again at the flustered man in front of you. After a moment, you pull a pen from your sweatshirt pocket.

“Well, here’s my number,” you say, writing as clearly as you can across his forearm. “You can text me if you decide you do think I’m cute… In a weird way.”

You walk to the counter to pay for your books, sincerely hoping he decides to text.

---

Taglist:

@pascalisthepunkest @trashbin2 @anatanotegami @beesting77 @northernpunk @pumpkin-stars

[fangirlovestuff]

Worth It - Andy Barber x reader

a/n- Hey lovely people! this was written for @stargazingfangirl18​​ & @navybrat817​​ ‘s shameless hoes for chris challenge, and I can’t be happier that our baby Andy’s first appearance on this blog is for their challenge! thoughts are in italics and the prompt is in bold. also a disclaimer - i’ve never been to a singles mixer lol. Enjoy!<3

Prompts: We are the only two people at this god awful event who seemed to be utterly miserable, so let’s be miserable together & “Can you just not right now?”

Summary: you never believed in singles mixers, but something about this stranger might just change that...

Word count: ~2,570

Warnings: smut!!, explicit language. please don’t read if you are uncomfortable with those things!

Your eyes wandered around the room for the umpteenth time that night. It was packed full of people who were talking to one another, mostly paired up, usually leaning towards each other. Lashes were flattered, muscles were subtly flexed, arms brushed "accidentally". The usual joys of a singles mixer.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Why the fuck did you let your friend convince you to come with her? She was currently talking to some douchebag in a suit that was clearly rented to make him look fancier but didn't even fit him that well. You had a sense of admiration for her for being optimistic enough to believe she'll find a guy in these things.

You, however, didn't share that sentiment. You hung out close to the bar, downing a couple of drinks and quickly shutting down any attempt any male has made to talk to you. About five minutes after you got here you realized there wasn't anyone there who looked like they could fit you. Who knows, maybe your taste in men was a bit much, but you certainly wouldn't lower your standards for the men in that room.

Now, forty minutes later, you were just about ready to bail, but you didn't want to leave your friend alone. So, you just sat there, fumbling with your phone, hoping your friend would soon realize how pointless this was.

As you were ordering another drink, you caught the door opening slightly from the corner of your eye. Probably someone who's late. Although you couldn't fathom what was the point of arriving to these things late. To be fair, you couldn't fathom the reason to be at these things at all. 

Sure, you wanted to find love. But you had pretty much given up on the idea that there was someone out there for you. That was a bit of a naïve notion in your opinion, the search for true love. Anyway, you did fine on your own, it's not like you needed a man in your life.

Doesn't mean you didn't want one though.

You drowned that thought and the extra drink you had just gotten. You should probably cut back on the drinks; you don't want to be hungover the next day.

You suddenly realized someone was coming to lean on the bar beside you. He ordered a drink, deep voice reaching your ears despite the chatter in the room. You lifted your head from your phone to look at the stranger from the corner of your eye. He shrugged the suit jacket off his shoulders and sat down. 

Damn, he definitely wasn't here before. Probably the one who just got in, you realized. You looked at his handsome profile, brown hair that seemed soft to touch, and a suit that actually fit his quite broad frame. 

Maybe this night isn't gonna be such a waste after all. Sure, you didn't expect to fall in love, but it's been a while since you got laid. The stranger caused a tingly sensation inside you that made want to change that.

He looked over at you, blue eyes piercing into yours. You noticed the way his lashes cast a slight shadow on his cheekbones, and that beard was framing his face very nicely. There was really no other way to say it, he was hella hot.

"Can you just not right now?" he said suddenly and sighed. You raised your eyebrows and scoffed, diverting your gaze into your nearly empty glass and pursing your lips. Okay, never mind, asshole alert.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment passed. "I'm just not really interested in meeting anyone right now. I saw you looking at me so—"

"Whatever," you cut him off, a little embarrassed he caught you ogling him. "If you aren't interested in anything, why are you even here?"

"A friend forced me into it. She basically pushed me through the door," he chuckled, sipping his drink. 

A she friend. Maybe that's the reason he wasn't interested. "Well, I can't say I don't understand that," you sympathized, scouring the room in search of your friend again. You were just in time to catch her going out the door with that douche. "Shit," you muttered under your breath.

"Excuse me?" he asked, equal parts amused and puzzled. 

"My friend just left with some jerk," you downed the rest of your drink, "and as the person who talked me into this shithole, that's rude of her," you sent a tight-lipped smile to the stranger. "So now I'm pretty much stranded here because she was my ride home." You opened your phone to order an Uber. You blamed the alcohol for making you overshare like this.

"Hey," the stranger said, "How about we have a drink and I could give you a ride home? Duffy threatened to wait outside for a half-hour to make sure I stay, and I have no doubt she's gonna make good on that," he smiled.

"Hmmm, excuse me if I'm not gonna jump on that offer, complete stranger I just met," you smirked.

"Oh, right, sorry. Where I come from everyone knows me," he said, surprisingly bitter. "I'm Andy," he smiled.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Andy," you said and introduced yourself. "So, you're a celeb where you come from, huh? What do you do?" 

"I'm- I was a lawyer. Right now, I'm looking for a job. And celeb isn't really the word I would use," he said in that bitter tone once more. You got the message – he really didn't want to talk about it.

"So is Duffy a lawyer too?" you changed the subject quickly.

"No, she's a cop, but we worked together sometimes," he said. "What about you, what do you do?"

You spent the next few minutes getting to know each other, the conversation flowing easily. He had more wit in his little finger than most people you met at these things had in their whole body. Smart's the new sexy, but it's not like he wasn't sexy enough as it is.

"So, how come your friend talked you into coming here and then left you?" he asked.

"Well, we're the only two of our friends who aren't married, or engaged or whatever, so everyone's nagging us to 'find someone'. She really thinks these things are the place where she could find her person. I, personally, think it's bullshit," you said and he chuckled. "But hey, the things you do for your friends," you shrugged. 

"Yeah," he looked at you and smiled. He thought he was being subtle, but you noticed the way his eyes quickly moved to your cleavage, which was looking quite nice in this dress if you could say so yourself, and back to your face. Maybe not all hope for tonight was lost, you thought, and leaned forward a little. 

"See that dude over there? What do you think he's saying to that poor girl?" you asked.

"He's probably telling her how romantic and chivalrous he is just to get into her pants," he shrugged and you chuckled. "What about that couple? What do you think they're talking about?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm so in love with you!" you said in a slightly high-pitched voice, imitating the girl, "Yeah, baby, me too," you said in a lower voice. "And then they'll move in together, break up and get into an ugly fight over who gets to keep the house," you finished your story and Andy laughed.

The conversation continued to flow, both of you making fun of some other people, but now it seemed you were both in a competition. It started with you leaning forward to bring your cleavage into view, but he caught on quickly, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top button, his Adam's apple bobbing and god did that make you wanna suck on his neck.

You made the next move, crossing your legs in a way that you knew would make your dress ride up a little, exposing more skin. Andy visibly swallowed but you continued talking like you didn't notice. He rolled up his sleeves, and at this point, it was clear you both knew what you were doing. You were already hot and bothered, and he didn't even touch you yet, not even in the most innocent way. 

"Well," Andy looked at his phone, "I think we're clear, Duffy must've gone home by now. Come on, let's go."

You got up and so did Andy, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair.

When you went outside it was surprisingly cold. You shivered a bit and Andy noticed it from the corner of his eye, dropping his jacket over your shoulder. You smiled at him in thanks. 

The drive was mostly filled with silence, besides you giving him directions to your house. It seemed you were both immersed in your own thoughts, but it was a comfortable silence. Your gaze fluttered on him once more. You noticed his hands on the steering wheel, more specifically the ring-shaped tan. Well, if he didn't wanna talk about it that's his prerogative.

"Here, you can pull over right there," you pointed to an empty parking spot across from your building. 

"Do you want to come up and have a coffee? I gotta thank you for the ride home somehow," you smiled. 

"Sure," he said and turned off the car, going out. You gave him his jacket back as you both entered the building.

The tension in the elevator could be cut with a knife. It seemed that once you were finally alone, your thoughts were running wild.

You finally reached your apartment, opening the door and showing Andy in. You turned to lock the apartment door behind you. "If you want you can leave your jacket—"

You turned back around and suddenly his lips were on yours, pushing hungrily. You felt his tongue licking slightly against your lips, seeking entrance you granted gladly, your tongue battling with his as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands wandered down your body, grabbing your ass and squeezing it lightly as you moaned into his mouth. He moved his hands to your hips lifting you up, and you wrapped your legs around his waist as you started to unbutton his shirt.

"Second door on the left," you parted your lips just long enough to rasp that out and then returned to feverishly kissing him once more. 

He made his way to the bedroom, carrying you in his arms with little effort. He pushed you against the bedroom door and you reached to open it and then pushed his now unbuttoned shirt down from his shoulders. He groaned and put you down to finish getting rid of his shirt, while you quickly pushed your dress over your head, leaving you in your underwear.

Andy's breath hitched at the sight before his lips were back on you again, nipping at your collarbone, your jaw, your neck, while you reached to get rid of his belt, unzipping his pants. He stepped out of them and you started walking back towards the bed, a tangled mess of hands and lips colliding.

Once you were on the bed he reached to unclasp your bra, throwing it to the side and attaching his lips to your breast, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipple. You arched your chest against his mouth, nails gently scraping on his back as you clung to him. Almost without you noticing his hand trailed down to take off your underwear, fingers expertly teasing your clit as you ground against him, silently asking for more. He put two fingers inside you, the wet sound echoing in the room, and you would almost be embarrassed if it didn't feel so damn good. 

Your lips found his neck, fulfilling your earlier wish and sucking on it, leaving a bite. You started palming him through his boxers, reaching a hand inside to stroke his length as he groaned into your neck. He pulled his finger out of you and before you managed to whimper at the loss, he captured your lips in his, devouring your mouth as he discarded his boxers. 

You parted from him and reached into your bedside drawer to pull out a condom. He quickly slid it on and wasted no time pushing into you, bottoming out in one thrust. You gasped at the stretch, which quickly dissipated once he started moving, snapping his hips onto yours and making you cry out in pleasure.

You clenched around him, the coil in your stomach tightening, and his thrusts started becoming erratic as he brought his fingers to your clit once more, flicking it harshly until came around him with a scream of pleasure, milking him through his orgasm as well. 

He stayed inside you, the both of you panting until he finally pulled out and went to throw the condom. You were too fucked out to whimper at the loss, only closing your eyes until you felt the bed dip beside you. Andy laid down beside you, tentatively wrapping an arm around you, to which you said nothing, only cuddled a bit into him.

The next morning you woke up to the smell of fresh coffee filling your senses. You were puzzled until you saw the discarded clothes and remembered the events of last night. Sighing in content, you got up, putting on a new pair of underwear and picking up Andy's shirt, leaving the few top buttons open as you made your way to the kitchen.

Andy was leaning against the countertop, shirtless with only his pants on, sipping a cup of coffee and scrolling on his phone, and didn't notice your soft footsteps.

"Good morning," you said softly, drawing his attention towards you. "Glad to see you've made yourself at home," you chuckled and came closer to him.

"Sorry," he said, averting his gaze, "I just really needed that coffee before the drive home. But there's more if you want some."

You thanked him and poured yourself a cup of coffee. 

"So…" he started.

"So?" you smiled.

"I had a great time last night. The whole evening," he added quickly. "So… let me take you out sometime. On a date. Please," he smiled. 

"I'd love that," you smiled at him. 

You exchanged numbers and the rest of your breakfast went on uneventfully, until Andy had to go. "Can I have my shirt back?" he asked, grinning.

"Oh, I don't know," you said, pretending to contemplate it, "I'm pretty sure you look better without it."

You both laughed. You went to your room to change and gave him back the shirt. 

"Have a nice drive home," you said. And then, in a surge of confidence, you kissed him, pushing your lips against his with passion. "One for the road," you smirked.

Andy smirked back, no doubt on board with your antics. "I'll call you," he said and opened the door, going into the hall.

"You better!" you called after him, a smile on your face as you watched him go into the elevator and out of sight.

You closed the door and leaned on it, lost in your thoughts like a schoolgirl in love, and then you realized – shit. 

You had actually met a cute guy at a singles mixer. Your friends were never gonna let you live that down. Oh well, you thought, he seems like he's worth it.

hope you enjoyed!! whoosh i love andy barber so much ok bye

Chris Taglist: @swatson06 @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @phoebe-21-99 @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​ @wanessalopesueiros @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @darkwitchfromthesouth

if you wanna join / be removed from the taglist, comment/message me! this is a taglist for Chris and his characters. much love <3

[cleverbroadwayurl]

“100% THE GAME LOSERS”

A/N: Okay so I normally don’t write things, but I got super inspired by @robot-anon‘s 1000 Follower Contest! I saw the quote “If you take one more photo I swear I’ll--” and immediately thought of Life is Strange!! Now, this post does contain spoilers because there isn’t really a way to avoid them when writing about the plot, but I did the best I could! I also tried to stay gender neutral, so my apologies if the piece becomes more feminine at times. Please take the trigger warnings seriously! 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of rape, mentions of drug use, mentions of non-consensual actions, Life is Strange spoilers, swearing, mentions of domestic abuse, and mentions of sexual assault in general. 

You knocked on Jeremy’s door with your right hand just as the sun was setting in New Jersey. Your left hand kept a tight grasp around a small rectangular case as you slightly smiled to yourself. There was a chill in the air, but the weather in New Jersey wasn’t anything new, even though you had just moved across the country a year ago. The golden hour had just begun, the sunlight giving everything a heavenly glow. Time to show Jeremy what he’s missing out on.

Mr. Heere opened the door, and surprisingly, he looked more…put together than usual (as in, he was actually wearing pants). He smiled a warm smile that matched the golden sunlight that was cast on the Heere’s front porch while opening the front door a little wider so you could come into the house. “Hi (Y/N),” he said, the large smile remaining static, “Jeremy and Michael are downstairs in the basement.”

You stepped into the house, while thanking Mr. Heere before practically hurling yourself down the stairs and into the basement.

Apocalypse of the Damned flashed on the TV, and you lunged towards the two boys who were silent in concentration. Trying not to disturb them any more than you already had, you carefully managed to sit between the two, half of your body on Michael’s bean bag, and the other half on Jeremy’s.

The three of you sat in comfortable silence as Jeremy and Michael attempted to get past Level 10 (they had beaten level 9 right after the SQUIP incident, the SQUIP-cident if you will, and just before they met you).

“GAME OVER” flashed on the screen in big red letters as both boys sighed. “DAMN IT” Michael yelled as he tossed the controller to the side. You let out a small chuckle as the two boys mourned their loss. Again.

“Hey (Y/N),” Jeremy greeted after a moment. You weren’t offended that they hadn’t greeted you when you got there. This was typical for Game Night, and you knew how hard they had worked on Level 10. Why they still couldn’t beat it was beyond you.

“Hey Jeremy,” you greeted before smirking at Michael. “Hi Michael, looking peachy as usual.”

He rolled his eyes playfully before sending you a smirk back. “Aww thanks, (Y/N). You know we were aiming to lose, that’s just how we play.”

“Surprisingly, that makes a lot of sense. I mean when the three of us play Mario Kart, that seems to be the common goal between the two of you,” you sassed back.

“HEY!” They shouted as they sat up. You could hardly contain the laughter from creeping out as the two pretended that they were extremely offended.  

It wasn’t that they were bad, it’s just that you had experience. You had been playing with your brother since you were two, and he had taught you every trick in the book. You knew the tracks by heart on most systems, and could play almost any cup with your eyes closed. Of course, Jeremy and Michael put up a good fight, but you still ended up on top.

“Whatcha got there?” Jeremy asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“It was my turn to pick the game for Game Night. So I picked my favorite one,” you gave a small, but extremely genuine smile.

“Which one?”

“Life is Strange.”

“Wait…isn’t that single player?” Michael asked, his eyebrows furrowing. You nodded in response before showing the game in all of its glory.

“And haven’t you played it like 5 times?”

“Try 8 times, Heere,” you shot back, proud of yourself for logging over 150 hours into this somewhat obscure game.

“Okay…so why are we playing it tonight? It breaks not just one, but two of our Game Night rules. It’s single player and you’ve played it before. 8 times apparently,” Jeremy said, looking at you with confusion.

“Because you guys need to play it. It’s a part of me. I love this game so damn much, and I’ve devoted my only free time since Spring 2016 to this game. I mean, it’s a godsend. This game helps me relax, and sometimes it helps me sleep. So, if you want to get to know me better, which I know both of you do, we are going to sit here and play this game until we’re finished. No excuses, no buts, no shit talking from the peanut gallery. IE: you two.”

“Alright then, no sleeping buddy,” Michael teased, poking at your side. “It’s your game. You gotta stay up and play it with us.”

You giggled at Michael’s usual antics before quickly noticing that he was actually right. You weren’t lying: this game helped you relax and sleep when life was hitting you hardest. But you had committed to it. There is no way that Michael and Jeremy would be able to finish this game on their own in one night. Between the fetch quests and memory quizzes, it would take these boys over 20 hours to complete it. And the bottle collecting for Chloe Price in Episode 2 was a two-hour task on its own if you weren’t an experienced player. They definitely needed you awake.

“I promise to try my best,” you stated, confidently.

“Okay, so how is this going to work?” Jeremy asked, eyeing the controller. It was obvious that he wanted to be the person controlling Max, but Life is Strange is a choice-based game. It requires the most observant player, the most patient people, and most importantly, the ones who can keep a cool head when things get crazy. Michael and Jeremy did not seem to meet all of the requirements. Not yet, at least.

They were absolutely experienced in video games, but the two had never played something that required so much thought. Sure, the decisions get harder, but decisions are not levels. This was not the average mainstream retro game like Apocalypse of the Damned. No, this required thought, and someone who knew that they were doing.

“You guys will make the decisions. I have no input unless you two are truly conflicted on something. I will hit whatever button you guys tell me to. There is no timer for making the choices, and no quick time, so we don’t have to worry about how long each debate about decisions will take. I know where everything is for the fetch quests, and I wanted to 100% the game on your guys’ first play through. Some of the achievements are super hard to get. Plus, how sick would those bragging rights be?”

“There are achievements?” Jeremy asked, sounding skeptical.

“How does that work?” Michael followed up.

“There are optional photos you can take in every episode. Those count as trophies, or achievements,” you explained, already standing up to insert the game into Jeremy’s PS4.

“Sounds like you’ve thought about this,” Michael noted, eyeing up the game’s case.

You stood in front of the TV for a second, thinking about everything you would need. You had the game, the seating arrangement, how the game was to be played; what else did you need? Michael probably needs another slushie, and maybe all three of you need snacks?

“Hey Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“This game takes 10 hours to complete. You might want a slushie to help you get through it.”

“And maybe some snacks if we’re in for the long haul?” Jeremy quickly added on.

“Anything else you want before Servant Michael goes to 7/11?”

“It was just a suggestion,” you reminded as Michael grabbed his keys.

“Nah, I’m not mad at you. Jeremy, however, owes me one big favor when I get back because he didn’t offer to tag along and help with both the choosing and carrying of the snacks.”

“Dude, I don’t want to leave her here alone with my dad. That’s...more than embarrassing.”

“Fair point. I’ll be back soon, you two.”

You waved Michael goodbye as he climbed up the stairs and out of the house. You decided to be a little sneaky and wait until Michael was gone before sitting yourself down in his usual spot.

You and Jeremy made small talk in the basement as you waited for Michael to get back. The 7/11 was only a 4-minute drive, and you were sure that he’d be back shortly.

Talking with Jeremy was always a little bit interesting. Sometimes he was awkward, or sometimes things were stuttered out, or sometimes he was embarrassed because he accidentally overshared, but overall, Jeremy was a pretty good conversationalist once he got comfortable. Which was nice, honestly. Because you often tend to be okay at making typical and cliché small talk (you and the SQUIP Squad have talked about the weather a lot) for the first part of the conversation, but run out of things to say. However, whenever you and Jeremy talked, it was easy. If you ran out of things to say, Jeremy would become comfortable enough to come up with something relating to whatever you were talking about. It was a nice balance between the two of you.

“I have a question for you,” Jeremy started, looking at the game’s case.

“What’s up, Jer?”

“Why do you love this game so much?” He asked innocently.

Your mind went blank for a second. “Feminism,” you spat out quickly. Your gaze shifted towards your lap as soon as the word exited your lips. Sure, it was feminism. But it was also so much more. It was everything to you, the first “real” game you’d ever played. It was your outlet for any stress, it was a way to be undetected; it was an escape.

“Are you sure that that’s the only reason why you like it?” Jeremy asked, trying to meet your eyes. He knew that whenever you did this, you weren’t telling the whole truth. This was a way for you to dodge questions because it would force you to go deeper into your personal life. He knew you weren’t really a sharer, but also knew that you’d spent so many hours not only playing this game, but researching the science of it, researching strategy to get new outcomes, and, of course, waiting for the sequel. There was definitely more you loved about this game than ‘feminism’.

You opened your mouth to answer his question (actually, you were probably going to make a self-depreciating joke, which was also a defense mechanism), but Michael waltzed back into the room, cherry slushie in hand. He had a bag of snacks in his other hand, claiming that there was no Game Night complete without eating your weight in junk food.

He reached into the bag, and pulled out some ice cream. He handed the frozen treat to you as Jeremy grabbed the controller and booted up the game. Slowly but surely, Michael had dispersed the snacks in front of all 3 of you. As you opened up your ice cream, and Michael handed you a spoon, you decided that now was probably a good time to talk about some themes in this game.

“Alright guys, listen up.”

The two boys looked at you sharply as the game continued to load onto the screen. You noticed that your voice had gotten a lot quieter than it was when you thanked Michael for the ice cream and spoon.

“This game deals with some…sensitive issues. I know that sometimes you guys get upset when people are mistreated, so if either of you need to take a break to cool off a little bit, let the group know.”

“We can handle it, (Y/N),” Michael smiled, mimicking Superman’s pose before kicking you out of his bean bag. You gently moved over to the spot you’d had before as the game’s main menu appeared.

A sense of calm washed over you. The title music was the number one thing that kept you sane and happy. It stopped anxiety attacks, any bouts of paranoia, and could destress you in 10 minutes. The whoosh of the ocean and wind reminded you of the few peaceful times that you had had in your hometown.

“We get it, (Y/N). You’re from Seattle.”

“We get it, Michael. You can’t tell the difference between Seattle and Oregon: where this game actually takes place.”

Michael rolled his eyes playfully as you selected “New Game”. You had to admit, it was funny to watch the two boys jump at the initial thunder clap that began the game. You smiled, happy tears in your eyes, so happy to be playing your favorite game with some amazing people.

And with that, the game play started. You quickly blinked back your tears, and returned to your normal state. Episode 1 was rather easy. It was an introductory to the characters and the game mechanic. You had to admit, there were some moments that you’d cherish forever.

Some examples include: when Nathan shoots Chloe in the bathroom, both boys screamed out the first time it happened. It wasn’t even like a manly scream. Michael’s voice cracked and Jeremy’s was so high in his falsetto, you swore only animals could hear it. When the boys made the choice to stay hidden in Chloe’s closet and Chloe’s step-douche hits her because she was smoking weed, Michael did indeed get a little pissy. His exact words were “That guy is a fucking dick who would marry him?”

As the game went on, you noticed that Michael had a soft spot for Kate Marsh. Kate Marsh also happens to be your favorite character, so you and Michael happily agreed to help her in any way you two could. Jeremy started to get fed up because “why do we have to stop and clean her whiteboard again?”

By the end of Episode 2, Jeremy was eating his words. As soon as Max got on the roof and said the infamous: “I can’t rewind!!”, Jeremy’s eyes got wide. Fortunately, they managed to save Kate. Both of them just sat there after the episode ended, taking deep breaths. You had to keep reassuring them that yes, they did save Kate (Michael almost cried when you told him that there was a large chance that you would not be able to save her, so imagine his relief).

The two had also said yes to the date with Warren, so it was a pretty good playthrough so far.

After Jeremy and Michael had calmed down, they both decided it was best for them to keep going. Their interest in the game spiked, and they both slowly began to realize what they were missing out on. You, however, got a little bit more worried. Before you hit “Continue”, you set the controller down and took a breath.

“It only gets worse from here. I am warning you now. Those episodes were tame. The next ones are…much darker. Literally and figuratively.”

They both shuddered at your words before Jeremy bravely said that he would like to continue.

By the end of Episode 3, they had blamed Nathan, sided with Chloe and Joyce, survived the initial confrontation with Frank (they laughed when Frank said “THOSE WERE MY BEANS”), and had managed to not fuck up too badly. Plus, you had gotten them all of the optional photos so far. Not a bad playthrough at all.

But then came Episode 4. Episode 4 was the most unsettling chapter of the game. You knew this. The boys you were playing with? Did not.

However, you began the episode and kept going. When Max had to go into Nathan’s room, you tensed. How could you not; his room is creepy. Of course, you found the photo of Chloe, and the broken lamp. That was a given. But when Max commented “I hope all of those models were consenting,” Michael almost lost it, and Jeremy seemed to shake with anger.

“(Y/N), he did it, I know he did it, Jesus Christ Nathan I will personally pummel you to the ground pal,” Michael rambled.

Although his threats were funny, this was nothing compared to Episode 5. You kind of dreaded it. If they were mad at characters now, they were going to be furious by the end of the game.

The three of you kept going, and Jeremy was getting a little annoyed at how out of your way you had to go to get some of the optional photos. But when you mentioned that he’d be 100%-ing the game first try, he’d shut up really quick.

You made it to the barn. You stopped just outside of it (taking a photo, much to Jeremy’s dismay), before setting the controller down the second time. The two boys looked at you, curious as to why you weren’t going in. Taking a breath, you started to formulate what you should say in order to make this half confession to go as easy as possible for you. You didn’t want to freak out so bad that you had to turn off the game like you’d done in the past.

The basement was dark. And you were about the enter the Dark Room.

“Okay…uhm…guys? Listen to me very carefully. When I’m searching for something weird in this barn, the controller will vibrate ever so slowly. I will jump every time it does. I know what’s in there, and it’s…disturbing to say the least. So, if I do jump, there is no need to worry. It’s just me being a little anxious.”

Their expressions went from confused to concerned. They each put a hand on your shoulder, grounding you in the moment.

Finally, you’d made it to Episode 5, sans sleeping. It was a miracle to be honest. You made it through the barn, and guess what? Jeremy and Michael cried when you found out what happened to Rachel Amber. Sure, it was sad, but after playing it 8 times, you get desensitized, you know?

The end of Episode 4 was what really got these boys angry, though. When Max was given the injection, Michael screeched out “NATHAN YOU FUCKING PRESCOTT!!” while Jeremy gasped. And when the figure in the dark was shown, there was a mixture of “FUCK”s that were spewed into the room.

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“HOW THE FUCK”

“WAIT”

“FUCKIN NO THIS ISN’T REAL”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD”

“HOW”

“THAT SICK MOTHERFUCKER”

“WHO DRUGS GIRLS AND THEN TAKES PHOTOS OF THEM WHAT THE FUCK”

“TORTURES HIS FUCKIN MODELS WHO DOES THAT”

By the end of it, Michael went to go smoke some weed and Jeremy had his head in his hands. You sat silently, letting the title music take your worries away.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes Jer?”

“You were right. It’s very feminist.”

You sighed at him as he stared at the ground in confusion. “Glad you think so,” you said after a beat. You waited another second before saying “It gets worse.”

“How does it get fucking worse?”

You sat for a minute before explaining that if he wants to know, he needs to get Michael. And you could’ve sworn you had never seen Jeremy move so fast in his life.

And there you sat. Shocking that this game was relaxing, wasn’t it? Well, to you it was. The light colors, the calming music, basically everything except the subject matter made you a happy person. You wondered if Michael and/or Jeremy would question you about why this is your favorite game (Jeremy would want you to go more in depth, you were sure of it). And you were sure that they’d ask you how you were able to sleep after playing such a game. You had to form sentences in your mind. This couldn’t be about self-depreciating jokes. This had to be real. If you were going to open up to them, you needed to be yourself and use the actual terminology, not some half assed whole lie.

Jeremy showed up with Michael moments later, and he was not as high as you would actually think. You looked at him, kind of surprised in all honesty. He noticed you staring at him, and then said “I wanted to make good decisions in this game. We almost lost Kate. I don’t want to lose someone else.”

You nodded before hitting the “Continue” button.

During the nightmare portion, you collapsed into yourself as each level got darker and darker. Michael was extremely fixated on the game, while Jeremy noticed and wrapped an arm around you. Every time you’d slightly flinch, he’d give you a reassuring squeeze into him.

The stealth was coming up. It was your least favorite part of the game and by far the scariest. It was honestly nightmare inducing all by itself. As soon as you heard the villain’s “Don’t try to hide Max! Get over here! Let me capture you!” You jumped and gave a small yelp. You quickly tried to steady your breathing and get ready to stealth your way past all of the terrible people in the game.

As soon as you jumped, Jeremy’s arm fell off of you, and after you’d landed, he placed his hand on your shoulder. Michael quickly did the same, understanding that yes, the two of them were scared shitless, but imagine how you were feeling. You were the one playing. And you were the only one who could complete the game in its entirety.

“You can do this. You’ve done it 8 times. You are safe. You are here with me and Michael.” Jeremy soothed as you stepped out from behind the white wall.

Expertly navigating through the maze, both boys remained silent. It was like they were playing Apocalypse of the Damned again. Whenever you were caught, your breath would hitch, and you would tense up. But being brave is rewinding and trying it again. So, that’s what you did.

The objective was to get to the lighthouse. Both Jeremy and Michael were extremely disturbed by this creepy maze, and they honestly just wanted it to be over. They both tensed up every time a flashlight would flash across the screen. You could feel it on your shoulders.

After collecting one of the optional photos in the stealth, Jeremy breathed a slight sigh of relief. “That’s the last one, right?” He asked, hoping that you’d say yes.

You remained silent, eyes on the screen as you got to the last section. Michael and Jeremy were cheering. You were so close to being done with this hellish landscape!!

Then you heard Max comment “Oh shit! Bottle collecting? Are you cereal?” You looped around, expertly avoiding each person with a flashlight.

“YOU’RE SO CLOSE TO THE LIGHTHOUSE JUST GO TO THE LIGHTHOUSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING” both boys started shouting.

“100% THE GAME LOSERS” you screeched back. You had managed to get all the bottles, with no worries.

Well, except one. You had one bottle to go, and from behind, you heard the most disturbing line of them all: “Max, Rachel not only gave great headshots. She gave great head. Especially after I dug her up to be with her one final time. Why are you looking at me like that?”

That was the one line you had never heard the main villain say. It was the one that you hoped you’d never hear. It was the one that made you cringe, flinch, and then nearly throw the controller.

Jeremy nearly threw up. Michael nearly threw up. What kind of sick game was this?! Jeremy was done with you getting these optional photos. He was done with Nathan, Frank, the whole evil gang really. He wanted that 100%, but to be honest, he wanted you to be okay more. Jeremy hated the fact that he had to witness you being absolutely terrified and jumped at every little interaction. Sure, he knew you loved this game, but something told him you had never heard that person say that specific line before. The game had gone too far. He knew you needed to be calm again. And he knew that nothing was going to do that besides making it to the lighthouse.

“(Y/N), you don’t need to 100% the game for us!” Jeremy shouted angerly, without meaning to.

“I promised, Jeremy!” You shot back.

“If you take one more optional photo I swear to god I’ll—” The game’s animation for the optional photo went off, and Max stepped into the space by the lighthouse. You took a breath before smirking at Jeremy.

“Congrats you two, you’re about to 100% Life is Strange.”

As soon as Max sat on the bench, the three of you sighed in relief. The worst was over. Michael gave your shoulder one final squeeze before removing his hand, as Jeremy wrapped his arm around you, and giving you the sweetest side hug he could.

When the game finally ended, the three of you flopped down onto the bean bags.

“Holy fuck, (Y/N). That’s your favorite game? I thought it was going to be tame, not whatever the fuck that was. I feel like I just smoked a bunch of weed and then ran around for 2 hours. I’m drained.” Michael rambled.

You gave him a small smile, telling him the same thing you told Jeremy: “It’s a feminist game. You know I like it when feminine issues are addressed in major masses of media and they’re widely accepted.”

Michael nodded in agreement, knowing that yes, you did like it when mass media produced things with actual feminine issues.

“Anyways,” you continued, “thank you for being here with me, you guys. It means a lot. That nightmare…it…uhh…isn’t easily handled that often. I didn’t expect that one character to say that specific line. And most of the time I have to turn off the game after the barn.”

“We’re here for you, okay?” Jeremy noted, leaning forward ever so slightly.  

“Yeah, I mean, we both support you and care about your decisions and well-being.” Michael added sleepily.

“I should probably get going. It’s 2 AM, and I kinda told my mom I’d be home by 3,” you said before packing your things up.

“You can’t walk home alone!” Jeremy protested, and Michael suddenly snapped awake.

“You could die!” Michael added.

“Someone could drug you!”

“Or you could be stabbed!”

“Guys!” you interjected, “I’ll be fine. I have pepper spray, remember? Plus, I can just like call my brother or something.”

You grabbed your game from the PS4 and put it safely back into its case. Jeremy and Michael looked at you with wide eyes. The three of you had just played a game where teenage girls are drugged, sexually assaulted, and photographed. No way were they letting you go out of their sight for over a week.

“If anything, I’ll drive you home,” Michael offered.

“It’s fine—” you yawned halfway through your sentence before giggling at yourself, “I knew Life is Strange made me sleepy.”

“Why don’t you just stay the night?” Jeremy asked you.

“You don’t mind?” You asked the lanky boy cautiously.

“Not at all.”

“Let me ask my mom.”

Your mom wasn’t usually so quick to approve of these things, but it was worth a shot to ask. You could tell her you were tired, and were completely safe in the Heere household. Maybe she’d allow it. So, you sent her a text.

She replied instantly, saying as long as you didn’t overstay your welcome, it was fine if you stayed over. She knew you were safe with Jeremy and Michael; she knew who they were, and knew that they wouldn’t try anything with her child.

“My mom said I could stay!”

The two teens whooped sleepily (and were very relieved that you wouldn’t have to walk outside alone) as you made your way back to the bean bags. You took your usual spot, right in the middle of the two boys, happy that you could stay.

“What do you want to do now?” Michael asked. “It’s our first sleepover together.”

“Well we already did what I wanted to do. Unless both of you would like to wait for the prequel to come out with me,” you chuckled.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Jeremy suggested, knowing that all three of you would be asleep within the first hour.

“Which one?” You asked.

“Let’s watch something happier. I need it after that emotional rollercoaster (Y/N) here,” Michael gestured towards you, “calls a game.”

“How about The Road to El Dorado?” Jeremy asked, flipping through Netflix.

“Sure,” you responded, knowing that Michael was already half asleep.

As the movie went on, you could feel your eyes get droopy. You did your best not to lean on Jeremy, but all hopes were lost. You shut your eyes, and welcomed sleep as if it were your best friend.

Jeremy’s eyes remained focused on the movie. He knew that there was so much more you had to tell him. He knew that Life is Strange is not your favorite game just because of the issues it covers. He knew that your trust was earned, and tonight was a very clear sign that he and Michael were two people that you were comfortable enough to show what you were passionate about. And while you knew about his secrets and past, he understood whenever you’d divert the conversation elsewhere when someone asked about your past or your interests. He understood the silences you gave, and sometimes even the self-depreciating jokes. He wanted to do so much for you, but had no idea where to start. And that was okay. He knew that was okay.

When Jeremy noticed that you were asleep, his face turned a dark red. He had heard all about the studies where people who could sleep around their friends, family, or significant others generally trusted them and had good relationship with one another (of course you told him about this study, and you being asleep further proved his point that him and Michael had gained your trust). He knew you were no different. You were strong, resilient, but tonight showed a side of pure joy and vulnerability. He hadn’t missed the tears forming in your eyes when the game started. He could tell they were tears of joy. He was honored that he got to help you through Max’s nightmare and the barn (even though you’d done it before). And he was honored to have you fall asleep on him.

In a sudden burst of tired confidence, Jeremy wrapped his arm around you before drifting off to sleep as well; the smile on his face only growing larger.

[poipoi1912]

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 19x05

(a tiny bit late, because I’m already working on my new Barisi episode tag and I got distracted)

:D

Overall Thoughts

A half-decent episode, a strong vibe of “been there, done that,” and some very solid acting by regulars and guest actors alike. Not a complete snoozefest (though it did get progressively worse, somehow), but too predictable to be truly entertaining. I am sensing a bit of a slump, but right now we’re at a comfortably mediocre level I could live with, lol. Still, I’m hoping the show will bounce back with episodes that are a little more creative.

Case-Related Thoughts

Uh. Yikes? They see what is effectively a stick figure-like age progression sketch and immediately they’re all “IT’S HER!!!” and then they see footage of her taking the subway and immediately they’re all “WE’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE!!!” and then the brother’s story is a little off and they’re all “HE’S THE KILLER”.

Like, maybe show some restraint? Y’all are cops?

All of the drama could have been avoided, which is just poor writing. I mean, I laughed my ass off at “there are no orange groves in Pennsylvania”. That was their other big clue? Not the fact the girl refused to give a DNA sample but SVU released her into the custody of some random family regardless?

Speaking of, why on earth did they allow that girl to move in the family home literally 5 minutes after she was found? Was she even stable enough? And the continued refusal to give a DNA sample was certainly suspicious. Sure, the dad was covering up a crime, so his refusal to get the girl’s DNA tested rang true, but by that point it was already too late. They should have tested her DNA before they ever told the family. Why would they risk the emotional damage? To protect her, or respect her own privacy? Okay, but how about protecting the family as well? How about protecting the mother from the pain of losing her “daughter” twice? That’s the one parallel the episode failed to draw between the main case and Liv/Noah. Liv would never want to give that mother false hope.

Also, the son was acting way too creepy from the start. The dad did that a lot better (then again, Paul Schulze is always fantastic); his reaction was part creepy and part “maybe he’s being weird because he doesn’t believe that’s their daughter, but he doesn’t want to hurt his wife by saying that out loud”. Meanwhile, the son was practically all, “Yep. I did it. I don’t know who this random girl is, but she sure isn’t related to me. My actual sister is dead because I personally murdered her.”

Sonny and Continuity

Sonny crossing himself when finding dead bodies is a lovely touch, and I love that the show hasn’t forgotten his faith or his reverence for human life.

We got yet another random and unnecessary tidbit about Sonny's family life. All I’m gonna say is, I sure hope somebody in the writers’ room is keeping track of all this, because they're giving us 3 new tidbits every week and I feel like we're going to start getting conflicting info by episode 14. "So, when my pops was in the hospital for a month back in 2007, and I was in the waiting room, but also doing a student exchange program in Italy at the same time, and my oldest sister was pregnant with her first, but she also had a 3-year-old at home, and my mom was baking cookies for the nurses every Tuesday, but she had already been dead for 2 years, and...."

What is the point of all that? I appreciate the fact they’re trying to fill in some blanks, and Sonny has always been the type to overshare, so it does fit his personality, but it’s still kind of strange. Is Sonny stuck in the past, reminiscing literally at all times? Or do the writers want us to get to know him a little better? If so, why can’t he talk about his current life? Fill in those blanks? Or, even better, why not show us that current life? Lord knows we’re seeing enough of Liv’s life, but all the other characters have gotten nothing. Sonny and Barba especially had their one and only “personal” episode (one each) back in Season 16. It’s nice to hear about Sonny’s family, but it’d be nicer if we actually saw them :D

Sonny and Continuity Vol. II - Emotion

As I’ve said countless times, Sonny is always hit hard when the victims are younger, and I love the idea that a young-ish Sonny would have followed a missing child case even a decade ago (which would have made him how old? And was he a cop at the time? In college? In the Academy? A rookie? What year is it?) Especially since he was going through something emotionally traumatic, like having an ill parent. The ICU means his dad didn’t have it easy, so Sonny was probably worried and was trying to find an outlet for his stress (I’ve been there. Hell, I am there, that’s partly why I write these posts lol).

That said, I also loved seeing that Sonny’s sensitivity and attachment to children led him astray. It gave him false hope, and an overeagerness which is typical of him in general, but uncharacteristic of him as a cop; he usually has good instincts, but he’s also the cop who will triple-check every possible explanation before forming a working theory, so I liked seeing him get carried away. As sad as it was (because it was totally obvious he was wrong, since it was totally obvious the brother was guilty), I liked seeing him falter.

Not that he really faltered, or not that it was acknowledged.

I sincerely thought Sonny was going to get in trouble with a reporter (lol just kidding, of course that ended up being deleted) because he spoon-fed the girl various details she might not otherwise have known. There’s helpful questions and then there’s leading questions. Sonny was so excited about finding “little Em” that he let his emotions cloud his judgment. Again, that made sense, because he had a special attachment to this particular case, but I kept waiting for the payoff. I thought “Emma” would parrot the info Sonny fed her during her TV interview, or something. I kept expecting him to be reprimanded, later on. I wanted to see him acknowledge his mistake, and maybe even get punished for it. In a subtle way, maybe in a conversation with Liv, who would respect his guilt but would warmly yet sternly tell him not to get so easily excited in the future.

Except Sonny was punished via carrying a dead child. And I don’t know if that was even intentional (as a punishment) or accidental (most likely).

Sonny’s Punishment

As strong of a scene as it was, and not to get gory on ya, I gotta say, carrying a corpse like that after all those years? Wouldn't that girl be, like, a pile of bones at that point? And, dare I say, wouldn’t it have been more jarring and tragic if we had seen Sonny carrying an actual lump of remains, instead of an identifiable human shape? I would have gotten chills. But then, they wouldn't have been able to do the dramatic "carrying the body of a child" shot which...

Thank God Peter is such a good actor, and such an understated actor, at that. He is always given these dramatic-ass moments, but he never overacts, so he is able to bring some truth and some honesty to these otherwise melodramatic scenes. His performance is what grounds Sonny. I love how he goes big when the moment is more comedic, but he always shuts down and gives us these small, numb and nauseated expressions when the moment is tragic. The writing is heavy-handed enough, so a “bigger” performance would hurt its emotional impact.

I swear, sometimes it’s like the writers are trying to turn Sonny into this tortured, “vulnerable” version of a Gary Stu, since he has been the de facto male lead for so long, and there’s no one else around to do that sort of stuff, but Peter is valiantly playing him as a three-dimensional human being, because he’s a character actor at heart. As a viewer, I appreciate that.

If I had written this episode (which I wouldn’t have), instead of that entire “finding the remains” scene, I would have had the mother talk to Sonny after the trial, not Liv. I would have had the mother coldly tell Sonny, “I wish you’d never found her,” which would have been a great juxtaposition to “I look at you and I see the angel who found my daughter.” That would have been a more subtle way of punishing him, but just as much of a gut punch, and I’m sure Peter would have given us a reaction which would have been equally heartbreaking.

(WAIT SHOULD I PUT THAT IN MY BARISI EPISODE TAG? WHICH I’VE ALREADY STARTED WRITING? HELL YEAH I WILL. I don’t only fix the lack of Barisi, I also fix the missed opportunities for closure :D)

Stray Thoughts

Sucks that Fin was off for two weeks in a ro... wait he was in this episode? Oh okay.

Barba was underused again, but his face (and his voice!) when he asked if Liv was okay made his entire appearance worth it not really though, he needs more to do.

What was the brother convicted of? Wasn’t he a small-ish child when he killed his sister?

Girl: “Don't touch me!”

(Sonny approaches her with the clear intention of touching her)

Girl: “I said don’t touch me!

(Sonny keeps moving in her direction with his hands literally outstretched)

Girl: I SAID DON’T TOUCH MEEEE!!!!

*DUN DUN*

Oh, SVU, will you never learn? A “dramatic” moment doesn’t work it if it’s based on total contrivance.

The Noah storyline is getting predictable. Liv is going to start grudgingly trusting Sheila, despite her original (and correct) instincts, and then Sheila is going to pull something intense; kidnapping (in time for February sweeps, perhaps), or maybe making her case (to somehow vacate the adoption, which, lol) more legitimate by gathering “evidence” Liv is unfit to be a mother. You know Liv is going to get into trouble eventually, with a perp or a long case, and Off-Screen Lucy will be conveniently busy for once, and Sheila will volunteer to babysit, etc etc. That said, I loved that first courtroom scene. It’s always nice to see Langan, and Brooke Shields is very good (in setting up the fact she’s possibly deranged and will go awf later in the season)

Continuity has been better this season, but apparently it doesn’t reach back to the Stabler years, just to SVU 2.0. So I guess it’s understandable that they virtually redid an entire episode from SVU 1.0 and no one had any memory of it happening.

Amanda: “Liv’s going to bring in a reunification specialist.” (cut to Liv doing the reunification her own damn self) I love this show and its unintentional hilarity :D

Sonny’s sweet face when the parents thought they recognized their daughter? Peter is so good. He really broke my heart last night.

[briteboy]

What If? Sims OC Tag 💃🏻🌶

Chosen OC: rodrigo/ratboy because WHO ELSE 🙄 (actually that’s a lie i would totally love to do this with my other characters)

You can find the story here: a serious case of the novembers aka santi’s story heh (i really need to change the tag oops)

i was tagged by da bbys @wanderlust-sims​ @sim-bubble​ and @theartofqueenie​ THANK YOUUUUU i love this sh*t

under the cut because walls of text are ugly *fingers guns* 😉

oh yeah and i tag @essiesims @bananahut @ichosim @ciarasia @spellburstss4 @lunarian-sim @thelifeof-sadgyal @20-44-sims @riftpixel @stardust-sims and @desgoffes DO THISSSSssS

WHAT

What is your character’s favorite memory?: when his abuela used to come over and babysit him and his siblings ;-; they would make tamales together and she would buy them lottery scratch cards. he only won once and it was like $12 and he spent it on a jurassic park t-rex

Who and what would your character give their life for?: BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN lmao jerseyboy4lyfe um. his friends of course, and his family even though he jumps through hoops trying to avoid them. tbh he would probably die for anyone who showed him any amount of kindness because he’s foolhardy as hell and tends to see the good in everyone but himself. ...brb gotta go cry now LMAO

What is your character’s greatest fear? being a bad influence/being a burden on the lives of those he loves. :\ and dying alone lol *dabs* he also fears fire but is simultaneously mesmerized by it

What is your character’s proudest accomplishment?: um. staying alive for this long tbh. LMAO ummm he’s pretty proud of even the smallest things like the fact that he managed to hold down a job and move out on his own. he doesn’t know how to adult so he’ll brag about anything he did that made him feel responsible even if it’s just like doing his laundry on a semi-regular basis

What is your character’s #1 insecurity?: lol oh god what iSN’T his insecurity...but probably his childlike sense of naivety. he is way too trusting for someone who’s been burned too many times to count.

What will/can break your character completely?: um................being confronted head-on with his past, especially the mistakes he’s made...being forced to acknowledge the reality of everything. but it’s more like a slow burn.

What would your character make a scene in public about?: literally anything. he’s that annoying toddler sitting in the shopping cart in the grocery store who starts crying because his mom won’t buy him cookies. actually he and avey used to pretend to get into huge couple fights in the middle of restaurants just for shits n gigs to see what other people’s reactions would be...i hate them

What can drive your character to do criminal acts?: peer pressure, naivety, panic, love.

What Pet (mythical or not) would your character want to have?: A FAT ORANGE CAT NAMED MEATLOAF, a shiba inu, a snake or two or six, a really cool lizard, probably like some cool bug like a tarantula because he likes ugly things

What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?: eww nothing.............jk um. he has his moments. last mother’s day was the last time he spoke to his mom and she started singing “you are my sunshine” in spanish to him until he sang along with her ;-; that was pretty cute i’d say ;______;;;;;;;;;;;

HOW

How does your character feel about sexual intercourse?: 

whats that

How close is your character with family and friends?: friends are family to him, and he does love his actual family but he's worked too hard to distance himself from them because he feels like a bad son and a disappointment :{

How does your character react to pressure?: he accidentally set fire to a house under pressure once what do u think

How religious is your character (if they believe)?: 

How does your character’s personality change when someone gets uncomfortably close (relationship wise)?: i mean...i think you’ve all seen that happen over the course of time aheh. he rapidly switches from open and oversharing to closed off and and insecure once he realizes he’s said too much or is forced to acknowledge his past and/or faults.

How does your character’s living space correlate with their personality?: it’s uhhhhhh...eclectic. messy and disorderly. empty in strange places. 

How well does your character act around with unknown and different people?: he is forward and stupidly brazen and often doesn’t think before he speaks, especially with first impressions. needless to say he is...certainly memorable.

How much does your character value money?: he is quite frivolous but he also knows when to hold back. money itself doesn’t mean much to him but he understands its importance. handling money freaks him out and he avoids looking at his bank account balance at all costs lol

How would this character cope with losing someone extremely close to them? *looks into the camera like i’m on the office*

How long does it take for your character to trust others? if ur nice to him probably like 2 seconds lmao

SCENARIOS

If your character could change one thing about themselves, what would they want to change?: everything. literally everything lol he hates himself. but especially his past self.

If your character could go back in time at any point in their life, what would they do to change the present?: there’s........a lot of things he would’ve done differently, not just one thing. because everything was sort of a chain reaction. but deep down he knows there’s nothing he could’ve done because it was inevitable. 

If your character was given a chance at fulfilling their dream, can they drop everything they have now to go pursue it?: he doesn’t know what his dreams are tbh. he has no goals because his future is the last thing on his mind...he’s kind of always hoping he won’t make it that far in life.

If your character’s current spouse or partner cheated, would they try to make it work or leave forever?: lmao he would be like BYE because he would be offended on a personal level that he wasn’t his partner’s #1 romantic priority. he’s into the idea of poly relationships but he also knows there’s a distinction between that and straight up cheating.

If a zombie apocalypse begun in the town your character currently lives in, what would they act like?: he would be like “welp see ya” and just walk off a bridge probably. or take all the people he cares about into a basement to hide for like 12 years

What if your character suddenly woke up to an unfamiliar place, and realize the life they lived was all a dream. Their family, friends, home.. all gone but still crazily vivid in their head. How would they react?: he would probably just descend into madness lol like his mental state is fragile enough but that...that would really fuck him up. it would be like the crawlspace episode of breaking bad and he’d just start hysterically laughing because he finally went crazy lmao. like i’m just thinking about how vividly he’d remember both the good and bad things, the horribly damaging things, but they were never real...now my heart hurts lol bye

If your character was thrown in jail, what would they be guilty of?: arson lmfao. but at this point in his life probably just being belligerent or wasted in public because that’s who he is now 

Rewind 10 years from now, what is your character currently doing?: he’d be 15 so................having a crush on molly and fighting with her about her abusive boyfriend WOW...bye

Your character is in the movie SAW, facing their worst fear. What is that fear, and how does he/she react?: being faced with all his past mistakes tangibly personified...but um i don’t think SAW works that way so probably like...fire or the threat of drowning (polar opposites aheh) and he would probably try to stay calm but panic so much internally that it would lead to his demise because he couldn’t think straight.

We regret to inform you that your character is dead. Where do they end up? Heaven? Hell? And how the heck do they react?: SHUT THEUFKC UP..........SHUT UP I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK he probably chillin in limbo with all the dead babies n shit...he’d probably be like “wow” and light a joint...can you smoke weed in purgatory? i don’t see why not

[kevinpolowy]

Will Ferrell on Sharing 'The House' With Amy Poehler, Odds for 'Step Brothers 2' (and Rap Album Tie-In)

  Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler in ‘The House’ (Photo: Warner Bros.)

Will Ferrell unleashed countless impressions during his Saturday Night Live days, yet never zeroed in on Robert De Niro. That changes with new comedy The House, which finally gives the comic actor a chance to do his own riff on Bob’s Casino mogul.

The House reunites Ferrell with fellow SNL alum Amy Poehler to play Scott and Kate Johansen, suburban parents in crisis mode after their daughter loses her college scholarship. Desperate to raise $50,000 over a summer, the pair teams with their ne’er-do-well neighbor Frank (Jason Mantzoukas) to convert his house into a casino — and it’s not long before Ferrell is making cheaters and debtors play with pounds of flesh, De Niro-style.

The collaboration between two of comedy’s biggest stars was a long time coming; despite their shared status as two of SNL‘s recent greats they only appeared in one season (and one skit) together.

In a sitdown with Yahoo Movies, Ferrell talked about recruiting Poehler as his screen wife, the secret to acting drunk, and why, despite his recent run of sequels, we may not see another Step Brothers-style wine mixer.

Yahoo Movies: I think you’ve accidentally made a very political movie. This might be the best argument yet for free public college tuition. Will Ferrell: [Laughs] It is a funny afterthought. It obviously is true [how expensive college tuition is], but that was a total happy accident.

Look what these maniacs had to do to get their kid into college. Exactly. Bernie Sanders is right, we need free college. And no Trump University.

How are we supposed to buy that you and Amy Poehler are old enough to be sending a kid to college in the first place, though? Well, thank you. We got busy early. I think that’s the other message of the movie [laughs]. Have kids early. Well, it’s a movie.

Obviously you and Amy go way back to your SNL days. Have you long been conspiring to make a movie together? Yeah, it is funny. For two people who’ve known each other as long as we have, who love each other’s work, it took a while to get the band together. There’s this perception that we were on Saturday Night Live together. Yes, but we only overlapped one season. That was Amy’s first year, so she’s just getting her sea legs, and that was my last year, so I was already like, “I don’t have to be in too many sketches.” [Laughs]

In fact, we got to the end of the year and we were like, “We haven’t written anything [together].” So we wrote a sketch together, which was a delight, where we’re the worst background players in a movie. We’re bad extras. Kirsten Dunst was the host, and she’s also an extra. We keep being told, “Don’t look at the camera. Just act natural.” And we can’t do it.

We did Blades of Glory, but we were in separate story arcs, so we didn’t really intersect. So it was just one of those things where we would always run into each other and [say], “We gotta do something.” This came along and I thought, “Let’s reach out to Amy.” She was my No. 1 [choice] to play my wife. And thank God she said yes.

So you roped her into this. Because [co-writers] Andrew [Jay Cohen] and Brendan [O’Brien] came and pitched the whole idea to me first. I loved the premise, I loved the thought of a big ensemble comedy. And I loved the fact that Scott and Kate would be a team together. Not only a team, story-wise, but a team comedically. A lot of these movies typically fall into the wife going, “What’s going on? Scott? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do!”

And I hear you also roped your son into this. He plays the 11-year-old DJ at the pool party. Yes, Magnus my son. As the movie goes on, Frank continues to upgrade the casino. We’ve got a spa, he’s converted his pool into the way all Vegas places have the cabanas, and a DJ. And we thought it’d be so funny to have this 10- or 11-year-old kid from the neighborhood as the DJ. And my son had taken some DJ classes with his buddy Nicky… So Magnus got to come and miss a day of school and be the DJ.

Was this the first thing he’s done? No, I put all three of my sons in Anchorman 2. They’re actually in the beginning of the movie where Ron Burgundy is announcing the dolphin show at Sea World, and kind of down-and-out. There’s a cutaway to these three tired kids and those are all three of my boys [laughs].

Will Ferrell in ‘The House’ (Photo: Warner Bros.)

There are some moments of intense intoxication in The House. What is your secret to playing drunk? Probably just remembering the times I’ve been drunk [laughs]. And what that felt like. And it’s pretty natural.

So you think you’ve gotten better at it over the years, with more experience to build on? You’ve perfected it beyond Old School? Sadly, yes. I did that Everything Must Go, a smaller movie where I was kind of a beer-drunk alcoholic, but it was serious in tone. So there I had play the slow-burn of just drinking beers all day. I had to slow everything down.

The Daddy’s Home 2 trailer dropped recently. What do Mel Gibson and John Lithgow bring to the equation? They were awesome. John plays my dad; Mel plays Mark’s dad. With John we see why Brad is the way he is, and with Mel we see why Mark is the way he is. John and I have a relationship where we overshare, we’re way too connected with our feelings. I think he’s the funniest storyteller, and he tells these horribly long, boring stories. We’re openly affectionate with each other. And Mark is very much estranged from his father, who was the deadbeat dad who was making out with the neighborhood hussy at the school pageant while Mark was always looking for just an ounce of attention from his dad. So you kind of have these two dynamics going on. We had a great time, it was great to work with those guys.

Will Ferrell and John Lithgow in ‘Daddy’s Home 2’ (Photo: Paramount)

You mentioned the affection. There’s a long kiss between you and John in the trailer. How much time did you have to spend kissing John Lithgow? An entire day. We just got into the habit of it, where we’d even kiss off-camera while Mark was doing his coverage [solo angles]… But no, what a sweetheart. He just approached everything with such excitement. Obviously he’s a great actor, but to have him be in a big broad comedy was great.

We’ve seen Anchorman return, we’ve seen Zoolander return, we’re going to see the daddies from Daddy’s Home return… when are we going to see Step Brothers 2? That I don’t know. That was a [conversation at one point], then we chose to do Anchorman. And then John [C. Reilly] and I subsequently did Holmes and Watson. And we’re talking about doing another one. So I don’t know. That one may just sit up on the shelf.

What about the rap album? Wasn’t there supposed to be a Step Brothers rap album? There was. Yeah, we talked a mean game. We were like, “OK, we’re going to do one. Let’s start thinking about songs!” And then everyone got busy with their own stuff.

The House hits theaters Friday. Watch the trailer:

Read more on Yahoo Movies:

Does ‘The House’ Share the Same Universe as ‘Neighbors’? Jason Mantzoukas Connects the Comedies

Get a Tour of Frank’s Place Casino in This Exclusive Featurette from ‘The House’

Will Ferrell Discusses Original, Deadlier Version of ‘Anchorman’

[ocpdzim]

you know i just realized that i should probably appreciate more how people on here dont treat me like i’m made of fucking glass . because every time i accidentally overshare a little too much to one of my host’s friends about the Big Fucking Memory Loss Incident(tm) or something similarly messed up they always immediately like,, start acting really weird. like i’m a 5 year old whose pet just died and they’ve gotta tell me that it went to go live at a nonexistent relative’s farm in the countryside. you know i’m AWARE that i’m not like i used to be??? i KNOW. i have to DEAL WITH IT ALL THE TIME. you dont have to gently break the news. I JUST GAVE YOU THE NEWS. I KNEW IT ALREADY. i dont need condescension you know i’m not really averse to SOME pity, i like the attention, i dont like it when it feels like i’ve suddenly gone right from “friend” status to “charity case” status. i’m still sentient. i can still hold a conversation sort of, and it’s not like these people even KNEW me before i hit my head and all that mess so they dont even have a POINT OF REFERENCE to compare my current condition to and if they did then maybe the whole charity case thing would be more reasonable! because i did used to be sharper. i used to have a ton of motivation all the time and i used to be able to read 600 page books in one day and i used to have an even better vocabulary than i do now and i used to even be pretty good at math! it IS a big difference! i was  a genius just in general and now i’m only an art genius and maybe i still qualify as an english genius if one ignored my now horrible attention span and penchant for dissociating too much to read anything at all.  but they dont even KNOW that. there’s like ONE friend who knew my host before the whole mess happened and that one friend is NOT a COLOSSAL ASS about it like everyone else irl who finds out about it is. for literally nothing to change except their knowledge of the situation and suddenly i’m just a sad pity project.... i hate that. i cant stand it. i’m not a little kid. and yeah maybe i’m sort of a tragedy but i’m a tragedy who can still probably outdo the people condescending to me in nearly every respect except attention span, mental health, and math! i should probably just start putting up a dumb front because at least then i could tell myself the condescension is justified. but i cant. because i still thrive off attention and accomplishment and if  i act like i’m incapable of doing anything then i cant get either one. everyone’s got a fucking savior complex. i dont need to be ~saved~ i need to be treated as at least an equal and maybe a superior! and then as soon as i let the cat out of the bag accidentally that i’m a fucking failure who cant think straight because  i took a bunch of badly prescribed meds and hit my head on the god damn floor , after i respond to the thinly veiled ~oh you poor thing uwuwuwuwuwu~ with “but i’m fine now!! really i’m fine!” i get left on read indefinitely. nobody wants to talk to a fucking failure who wont even admit that its a failure. nobody wants to talk to a failure who’ s still got  a superiority complex. i dont feel all superior to people  i know on here nearly as often, maybe because y’all actually treat me like a friend instead of like a grave. but i cant help but feel like i’m better than people who react to learning about something bad that happened to me years ago as though they’d just witnessed it 20 seconds ago. as though i was in a coma and they didnt know if i was gonna wake up. come, cry over z im’s lost future!!! cry over its lost potential!! talk about it in front of its face like it’s dead and you’re reading an elegy at its funeral!! but dont EVER treat it like a creature with thoughts and feelings!!! never let me forget that i’m dead and gone in the eyes of everyone i’ll ever get to interact with face to face.

i’d dont want to talk about this via replies or public asks but if you want to message me to discuss it then that’s ok.