#I genuinely can’t tell if I’m making a good descision making this post

[indiestsnake]

I’m going to try to be more open on here.

I’ve chatted with my therapist and thought over my feelings a bunch, and come to the unfortunate conclusion that… yeah, I am going through things. And those things are valid, even if they aren’t as large or difficult as the things my friends go through.

I still feel kind of selfish writing and posting this. Please tell me if I ever sound or act condescending or privileged or self-centered, I’m trying to strike a balance between not being a nuisance and not bottling stuff up. But I need to talk about things, and doing that in person is really hard for me. So shouting into the void is the next best option, even if I feel like I’m putting weight onto my friends who shouldn’t have to deal with it. Again, please tell me if I am doing something wrong.

I’m not going to make a vent post every time I feel meh, but I’m gonna try to talk about my feelings. That’s the bottom line.

On the topic. I feel kind of depressed and apathetic and… empty, I guess, rn. I’m probably gonna go to sleep soon. Hopefully I won’t regret posting this in the morning. Hope you guys are doing well and I’m not dragging you down.

[sasusaku-on-the-brain]

Out of everything you’ve written, what lines are you most proud of? Finished or unfinished works 😁

Funny thing: I was actually reading through some of my older, older writings today. Huh. What a coincidence.

Thank you sending in for this absolutely beautiful ask. Seriously, It really made me so happy to write this. I have been agonising and trying to make myself write today but couldn’t, this realllly helped with that.  ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Since you said “Lines” I’m going to choose more than one. ;)  

They aren’t in any particular order, the numbers are to keep track, this isn’t a ranking, definitely not, that’d be so stressful to do, haha. 

Warning: super long and excessive screaming :D 

Fudge. I realised I have been doing this for like 3 hours??? It was like 3 when i started and it’s now. 5 something. Wow. It didn’t feel that long. 

1. This is from a published work, (and we burned, like Icarus), a Grindeldore canon compliant fic where I just explore their relationship. I love and proud of a lot of lines in this one, but there’s one line in particular that stands out.

Line: The curtain fell; Albus stood in victory as the world cheered.

Reason: It’s kind of hard to put into words, but I absolutely love how much layers it has?? Like. There’s so much different ways that this line could be interpreted and I love that. Especially where I put it in the text. It looks like it’s a proud moment for him, he finally defeated the Dark Wizard but...it’s not. Also: “the curtain fell” Gellert surrended, Albus never bested him. I have More Thoughts but I suck at writing meta, so. I will leave this here. 

2. This is a unpublished piece of work, no title, a Sam&Rowena fic. It’s a cute thing that came to me when reading this fic on tumblr where Rowena calls sam, wee!sam which sparked an idea where Rowena sees Sam’s childhood photos and calls him that. 

Line: He blinks, glances up from his book open his lap and she’s—smiling, not mocking, or flirty, or even sly, mischievous but genuine, small and so very soft. It makes Sam’s eyes widen and his heart turn in his chest.

Reason: A SAMROWENA FIC. Mostly that reason. FINALLY GOT SOME WORDS FOR THESE TWO. YAY. Ahhhh. Anyways. Other than that: it’s so cute and soft and i just love it. And also because I was cleaning when I got hit by words and it was unexpected and I absolutely love how it turned out?? 

Also because lol I might be projecting on to Sam about his lil crush on Rowena. 

3. Unpublished. Another samrowena fic! because I’m super proud of these, I have been wanting to write these two for so long and finallly did!! No title, a canon compilant missing scene in 14.07 or .08 based on that line where Sam is like I called Rowena. 

Line: And she wonders what the problem is this time—Castiel? Or perhaps, Dean? Now that would be a delight. 

Reason: It was so fun to write, even cracked a smile and lil laugh. Also I think that i captured Rowena’s personality in here, which makes me super proud. 

4. Published! Bruised, A Jack fic into his thoughts when he escapes the  ma’lak box. (For some reason, I really love writing about this time.) Line: Jack can hear the Devil and knows what being buried alive feels like, knows how small, dark, cold spaces can kill you slowly without you dying at all.

Reason: So proud of this one. Especially the “can kill you slowly without you dying at all” *Incoherrant noises* Fudge. It’s soo good. And such an impactful ending. Just. I freaking love it. Gives me a lil chills everytime I read it. 

5. Published! Do titles count?? Because I’m going to choose one. It’s a Merlin canon compilant (again) fic that kind of looks at Merlin&Morgana’s relationship from Merlin’s view. It was absolutely, totally unexpected. Didn’t know where it came from, but I love it. 

we smiled, not knowing of the storm that would take everything (the storm that was us)

Reason: Okay, so. I was a bit stumped on the title, nothing was coming to mind. Reread it a few times, browsed through my sideblog to find some quotes... couldn’t find the One. So I was like first thing that comes and it was this?? and IT FITS SO PERFECTLY. I was agonising over if I should do the “us” pronoun or change it to a “me”. Still don’t know which is better, I’m leaning towards “Me” now. Anyways, wow. I’m still shocked at it freaking fits this fic so well. Perfectly sums up my fic.  Morgana and Merlin were such good friends and I looove how their relationship took a down fall. I’m weak for the FriendstoEnemies thing and I think that I caught this hear. How no one could have known that Morgana and Merlin would both be responsible for that Tragedy. And by no one, im including myself too.

6. Published! Another title one from another Merlin fic. Haha, seems like my Merlin Fic Titles are Such That Good. It’s that one from the Merlin kills himself, post-canon.

even the stars go cold eventually Reason: Apart from it being absolutely perfect for my fic, haha, it didn’t take much time for me to choose a title for it and because I love writing about stars and this particular one sticks with me. Especially with how it just goes so well with this fic. 

7. Published! A severus-centric fic, Cold feet, where I do a kind of character study on him in that era after the first war. This fic is a super messy but ahh, I love it very much. This one was so hard to choose because i’m proud a LOT of lines in here. I just love writing him. 

Line:  (It's a metaphor. It's a foreshadow. There is no clean break, there's jagged wound where his fist meets his reflection. A mess of blood and glass on the floor, fractions of his reflection as he steps over it. It will never go away.  The scar and the blood stains. It's easy covering it up, cleaning away. No one else knows. All it takes is a swift movement of a wand, a whispered spell. But - you will remember. You won't forget -- can't forget.) Reason: The layers?? I freaking love stuff like that. 

8. Unpublished. Hinny fic. literally the only line I have in this WIP. Thinking it’s in HPB where they started to date? Quidditch practice. Inspired by an art I saw here in Tumblr. 

Line: Harry grins as he catches her eyes from across the field, a burst of warmth  in his chest. Always seeing Ginny made him inexplicably happy. 

Reason: First ever hinny thing that I wrote! Also because I just love writing about Harry being absolutely smitten and in love with Ginny. 

9. Unpublished. A 8.19 deanbenny fic about that part where Dean calls Benny to ask him of a favour. 

Line:    Cut that out now, Benny interrupts You can tell me more when I get to where you are. You don’t sound...so good, brother.

Reason: I can HEAR this in Benny’s voice. Also ahhh, that last part with the eclipses. *Incoherrent noises* Benny’s so concerned about Dean when Dean is the one who’s going to ask Benny to kill himself to go back to Purgatory, a place the he wanted to escape, to get his brother that was hell-bent on killing him. Which seems like a totally Benny thing to do, even if Benny doesn’t know that yet. He’s got some suspicion that *this favour* is not going to be great for him. 

10. Unpublished. That  Heaven Jack & Kelly fic i mentioned when talking about Current WIPs. Aka: me making on that promise of writing fics about them because there’s BARELY any. 

I’m really excited to write this one, i have ideas on what to put in there which are going to be so fun to write. 

This was hard to choose, because I love almost everything I’ve written so far. 

...Damn it. I was supposed to be choosing a line, but apparently I’m writing now. OH. I just fixed a problem I had!! 

Line:  She’s here, not alive, but not dead either like before, cold and laid out on the bed. She’s moving, smiling at him, like—in that video. Except he can reach out and touch her. Feel her warmth, her heartbeat as she envelopes him in a hug. 

Reason: The line I just re-wrote. Okay, i freaking adore it. It really goes for my heart. It’s the first ever time that Jack’s hugged his mom. I AM SO HAPPY FOR HIM. Oh gosh. It’s such a special moment. There’s some parts to here that I want to add and change but I do really love how it is now. Jack’s thought process---FUDGE. Damn it. I had a new thought to add: that moment where he sees the shifter change into his Mom. I forgot about it. 

11. Unpublished. Can’t believe I FORGOT about this one. It’s that SPN Deathfic where Dean carrying Sam’s dead body everwhere with him, that one that I was screaming about on here.

Line:  Woah, woah. He barks out laugh as the body slumps heavy over him and he stumbles. Says, Easy big guy and smiles again, quietly. Fond. Threading a hand in the hair. Sam. Sammy. Holds and breathes for a moment.

Reason: *Incoherrant screaming* I love, love how I wrote this?? Like. Wow. I captured Dean so well?? Just. Mindblown that I wrote this. If...I were to rank these, not that I am, this would deff be in the top half. 

The basis of the fic: Sam’s dead, but Dean doesn’t want to let go; he’s in denial. And this moment. It really captures that. AND ahhhh. DEAN. It’s such a Soft moment but so SAD because Dean, HES DEAD. THATS NOT YOUR BROTHER, STOP MAKING ME WANT TO CRY. Fudge. Sorry, I just have a lot of feelings about this one. Still can’t believe I FORGOT about it. ...Damn, I really want to write and edit this one now. 

12. Unpublished. That klelijah fic I was on about where I Have No Idea What This Is About Except HARD DESCISIONS AND SUFFERING. Lol, it’s the title of the Doc.  Funny thing: This was actually inspired by you. Well, the forhead part I mean. In that fic of yours, the s3 era flashback. "Did his brother not remember? Had he forgotten that bloodstained morning in the forest, the touch of Elijah’s forehead against his? Had he forgotten their hands clasped together, warm and covered in grave dirt? Had he forgotten every day since, with Elijah by his side?" - quoting this here because I love it so much. 

Line:  “Brother,” He says, the word said as if it pains him, and it does, bites heavy into his tongue, draws blood. Nothing he can’t heal. Pulling Niklaus down closer to him, pressing their foreheads together in an echo of a memory, a promise, his hand tight on Niklaus’ neck, he begs. “Don’t make me do this. Please.”

Reason: *Incoherrent noises* tHe LaYErS. Ahhh. I really love this so so much. Okay, so. No idea what this fic is about BUT. Brother: Word pains to say: Niklaus is his brother: draws blood: Nothing he can’t heal: Does forhead thing: “In echo”: Shoot, can’t remember the quotes but the forhead signals like no matter what, they’re brothers: And HOW AFTERWARDS ELIJAH BEGS ‘DONT MAKE ME DO THIS’  THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE. IM. ---- HOLD ON. FUDGE. I JUST CRACKED WHAT HE DOESNT WANT HIM TO DO.  FUDGE. FUDGE. IM SCREAMING. OH MY GOD. *GASP* IT GOESS SO WELL WITH WHAT I WRITTEN BEFORE. FUDGGGE. 

Sorry but FUDGE. I need a moment to sit down and proccess this while SCREAMING BECAUSE HOLY HECK I’M. 

I really want this write this now. WOW. 

Okay, that’s all for my fics. Since you said “works” I thought I’d also talk about my poetry and orginal writing, I never did before and I’m using this time to shamelessly gush about my poetry. :D  If anyone wants to check them out, I do have a side blog on here: drop.of.evanescence BUT also I usually post on https://theprose.com/Yuki where’s there’s so more. 

13. Published! Title: Laying in sorrow It was inspired by a pintrest pic. Line: and here we curl inwards with our backs bare

Reason: I LOVE this one. I freaking love how I worded it. I was thinking about anything when I wrote it but OH that TITLE. It came to me and I just realised that. In sorrow, in pain we curl into ourselves, well. Not everyone, but. Some people do, to hide from the pain and IN DOING SO YOUR BARE IS BARE WHICH IS LIKE YOU’RE VUNREABLE. Sorry, if i’m not making sense btw -- my thoughts are like that, haha. 

14. Published! Title: Where It hurts It was for a challenge on Prose where we had to re-write a piece of this other user, Undermeyou. and her WRITING. Wow, it’s so so so good. Btw, I actually won the challenge, which was awesome. :DD Fudge, re-reading this. I forgot how much I loved it. This one...was hard to choose. It has SO MANY good lines that I’m proud of. 

Line: It was Sunday 15th. The window was open and I remember the cold air on your face. I remember your smile. You red-faced, cheeks hollow as you tried to gobble the stars. 

Reason: ahhhhh, the WAY i wrote it. This whole thing is better as a whole, makes it’s impact and is wayy better when you read the whole thing togather so that’s why it was hard to choose. BUT OH this part. Freaking love it. 

15. Published! Title: Alignment of the stars. Inspired by a prompt: world in your pocket. And also another super hard one. Cool fact: that undermeyou person I was talking about earlier? She made a spoken of this on insta! It was amazing.  Line: Fifteen-years later, you can still feel the laughter of his soul rippling across your chest.

Reason: *incoherrent screaming* THAT ENDING. It gave me chills when I wrote and read it. IT WAS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO END IT. LIKE. WOW. I AM SO PROUD.

16. Published! Title: Untilted. Yes, that’s the title, I know. ANOTHER HARD ONE.

Line:  The sunlight is flooding in and it should be beautiful, how it spreads like honey across my red covers. I choke up. It's so beautiful, it’s terrible. I want to throw up. I reach my left hand out and I am somewhere else far away. In that place: another hand reaches back and tangles with mine and there is warmth and buzzes of bell chimes. Here: only silence and coldness meets my trembling hand. 

Reason: Shbjajxsa. THE DESCRIPTION. HOW I WROTE THIS. *INCOHERENT SCREAMING* it’s SO GOOD. Fudge. 

17. Published! Title: touching the world with bound, trembling hands (baby, you’re unravelling)

Well, it’s not. A line. But A small fic that I did, i’m so proud of it. It’s a small, little short story about a person going up and singing publicly despite their fears and made me smile and laugh. It was a surprise for me and i adore it. And yeah, lol I know, the title is cheesy. 

18. Published! Title: i swear, there’s a lesson here (somewhere) I was pretty stumped with my poetry here and tried a different style! inspired by some tumblr post i saw. it came out really well. ANND ANOTHER HARDD ONE. 

Line:  we’re pressed against the books shadows, dark things in the dark and i’m in love with you but i have never seen your face 

Reason: lol, at this rate I’m going to choosing all of my end lines for all of my poetry. THEY’RE JUST SO GOOD. AHH.  "and i’m in love with you / but i have / never seen your / face" CANT BELIEVE I WROTE THIS. FREAKING LOVE IT. I love the tone and just how it SOUNDS. 

19. Published! Title:  Winter’s smile This one i found lurking in my tags over at evanescentrain inspired by this post but....cant seem to find it right now, damn tumblr. 

Line:  how do you capture forever with your hands?

Reason: Lol, another end line. This is going to be a Thing isn’t it? oH I love this one, such an wow question...it gives me feelings that i can’t explain... just. makes me sit here in silence and think. What a way I ended it. Wow. 

20. I have SO MANY poetry and stuff that I’m proud of and want to babble on about, but.... I’m noticing this is getting really long so. I will this one my last. And since I’ve been talking only about Published ones. I will do a unpublished one!

No title.

Line:  It was a long, very long moment that I felt that he would take his sword to my heart and I would die or he would leave without another word, leave with a piece of me to somewhere where I can not get it back. A piece of myself inside  his hands. It was a terrifying thought.

Reason: ahhh, i really freaking love this. especially that LAST LINE. A bit backstory to what this is about: a person telling some guy about the evil they did, it comes out, randomly, because he says “you’re a good person” to them but they get annoyed, angry, say “you don’t know me” and....it’s like something is cracked open and they spill. First time they told someone their thoughts and what they did, wasn’t actually evil or bad. They just thought that. THIS PART. When I was writing it, it left like an impact on me. 

‘a piece of myself inside his hands. it was a terrifying thought’ DAMN. I FELT THAT. It hit me deeply. 

[knightofbalance-13]

https://thefairywzard.tumblr.com/post/163494894168/rwde-circus-drama-with-kob-part-1-the-first-shade

Now I could go through this whole thing and explain in detail why this is wrong but this is an example of the Gish Gallup fallacy so let me run through this quick and show you why it’s so stupid:

People of the rwde tag! You might have noticed a post recently, written by yours truly, about the lack of body diversity in our all-time favourite show RWBY: The Life and Times of Jaune Arc.

Playing to RWDE tag bias.

Predictably, our esteemed rwde troll and official laughing stock of the entire tag, KoB, decided to reply to my post and I think we’ve all had enough experience dealing with him by now to know where this led. I read over KoB’s… words and after bleaching my eyes with silt, I sat down to think about what I should do in response, if anything at all.

Ad Homenin

The Responsible™ and Adult™ thing would be to simply ignore his incomprehensible drivel and move on, possibly block him and maybe set up some salt circles for good measure. After all, usually the best thing to do when dealing with trolls is to keep them at arm’s length and try to not provoke them too much. That is the smart and sensible thing to do. That is how you avoid conflict with assholes online.

Refering to me as a demon

Ah, another day another troll on my posts. You know kob, I knew that eventually you’d pull something like this. I knew that after I was done eating my strips of rotten boar meat while sipping a 1945 La Pinot Noir that I would log on to tumblr dot com and see your small, sad little avatar in my notifications tab. And I would sigh and roll my tired eyes in contempt of pretty much your entire internet presence as far as rwby is concerned, before moving on to reading your long-winded, contradictory and dumb dumb arguments, all lined up in this neat little pile of poo that the FNDM calls “kob’s post history”. And then I would sigh again, questioning the meaning of life while enjoying a bowl of branflake cereal with chocolate chips and cinnamon.

Pseudo intellectualism

Believe it or not kob, it took some time to decide whether or not I should reply to the inane, animalistic screeches that you call counterarguments, but ultimately I decided this was too good an opportunity to miss on dragging yo ass. Obviously a confrontation is exactly what a slimy troll like you wants and technically I am enabling you and your ~predispositions~ by writing this, though I think the feeling of self-satisfaction I’ll get by talking shit to your face will be more than worth it. I should think most of the rwde tag has an extended knowledge of you and your interactions with the FNDM and most of us probably agree that you’re a trolling asshole, a ding dong and potentially Literally Satan™.

Ad Homien on par with early Catholic Church.

I will admit that volume 4 did shave off some muscle from our beloved lotus boy of suppressed emotions, but they have by no means added those to Ms Valkyrie.

Outright defeating own point and contradiction (Jaune and Nora have similarly sized arms. Look for yourself.)

Now I’m not gonna get into the teachers yet, because I’m genuinely curious as to what you meant when you commented on yang’s beefiness. I should like to think that these images make it pretty clear, even to someone as stubborn and as opinionated as you kob. Yang has no muscle. Never did. That sound you just heard was everyone in the rwde tag simultaneously whispering the words “oh snap”.

More outright contradictions and Ad Homenin. (yang’s official art shows the same arm type as Nora and jaune as oppose to Ren or Weiss)

Next up is the FNDMs favourite faunus of the hour, Blake Belladona. You will, once again, note the absence of muscles in her extremities. Gee it’s almost as if these characters all have the same body types, what a surprise. But by all means, keep insisting that Weiss is the slender one.

Not understanding what Atheletic means (Looks at Olympic swimmers: Ain’t no muscles there.)

What you don’t seem to understand kob is that not everyone sees the world under your fucked up, weird, distorted lens. Honestly what to begin with here? The unrelated comparisons? The blatant way you contradict yourself with the opening sentence? “Oh look at me I’m the infamous kob and I spend my days hating on people for making valid, critical points on shows I watch. RWBY doesn’t have a body problem because I say so, these characters are totally muscly and RT doesn’t want muscly women in their shows anyway so that’s why there are none after all, this doesn’t matter and no one cares”. Really now kob, if you’re going to try and delegitimize the issues I cite, you could at least do a better job at it.

In any case, I don’t especially remember CRWBY making public statements explaining in lengthy details why body diversity is their personal kryptonite and that’s why there’s none of it in the show. But then again I’m not as dedicated a fan as you have proven yourself to be, so maybe I missed that enlightening interview with the crew. I also don’t understand what made you bring Kill La Kill into this -as I would charitably call it- discussion, when that show is a clear deconstruction of rampant objectification in anime. It’s satire kob. It’s making fun of the dumb sexist tropes people see in shows so very often.

To be perfectly fucking candid kob, your determination to undermine my arguments by claiming that representation is “not a serious concern at all” is actually rather cute. Like a bigoted puppy furiously chewing on a couch. Indeed this vehement passion of yours is so strong that I’m beginning to suspect you get an intense hateboner whenever the rwde tag updates and this is your only method of release. 

Not addressing the point. Also: unrelated comparisons. Monty Oum stated that Gurren Lagann was an inspiration on RWBY and watched Kill La Kill. So in fact, I am comparing anime that have influenced RWBY.

As well: Not saying WHY body diversity would be an improvement.

Third; Misrepresntinga show (Kill La Kill outright says you shouldn’t care about what other people think. Remmeber Satsuki’s speech in Episode 3? Yeah, apparently you forgot to watch the other 23 episodes of the show.)

Fourth: Misrepresenting my argument (they don’t want to do it because they haven’t already done it, not through an interview.)

Fifith: projection.

Gosh what an interesting peephole we have here of kob’s mental inner workings. I never would have associated plus-sized people with Santa Claus, but I suppose that’s what happens if the content you consume is constantly deprived of diversity. Don’t worry kob, it’s not your fault that most media is monochromatic in more ways than one (but feverishly defending those that are kind of is). If you want to know why it’s important to have representation of all sorts in shows and other media, then I suggest you google that and find out for yourself.

Inserting words into my mouth.

Oh yes, beware the SJWs. They creep in your homes and hide in your cupboards. They’ll wait until you’re not paying attention and then pounce on you with anger and fury and a slight hint of sexual arousal. And as they suck your warm, viscous blood, they’ll start babbling about wanting fair representation in the media for marginalized groups of people and how the way to achieve that is to hold popular shows to a higher standard of diversity. I haven’t even gotten to the bit where they talk about queerness in media, THAT’S when shit get’s blood-curdlingly scary.

More projection.

See, this final “damming” ending statement brings me some discomfort; because I have to, for once, agree with kob. Having more diversity of body types (or any types for that matter) be present in a successful show will encourage other shows to follow suit. It’s like this thing, oh what’s it called, oh yeah progress. So you’re right on that at least. Now if you think diversity will add “nothing to the show” I would suggest that you a) educate yourself on the benefits of diversity and representation in media because that’s clearly an area you are sorely lacking in and b) go fuck yourself.

More Aad Hominin and misrepresenting what I said (I was referring to the fact that you would shoehorn in fat characters for the sake of brownie points instead of, you know, having well written fat people) and projection (thinking I’m skinny.)

I honestly don’t know how to explain to you that not everyone is like you and not everyone can binge the TV channels and see someone exactly like them represented in a randomly-selected show.

Assumptions (i didn’t know there was fat, balding, autistic 19 year olds with no dads. yeah, I’m fat too so most of your argument in that part is invalid, blading people are treated as a joke and the number of intentional written Autistic characters can be counted with only hands. And the number of WELL WRITTEN Autistic characters can be count on my hand if I chopped off seven fingers.)

Someone who isn’t constantly treated as a joke, or insulted within the show, or is nothing but a stereotype, or is pushed aside so that other characters can take the stage. If you can’t fit that concept into that head of yours because the slimy, fanged eel of hate inside is taking too much space, then the only thing for me left to do is to sincerely, wholeheartedly tell you to go fuck yourself with as much virility as you can muster.

you mean like how fat people are portrayed as lazy, balding men are treated as aging ad desperate and ugly, how writers cannot diffiate between “Autism” and “brain damage”, how men are always seen in the wrong in arguments and seen as being dumb, animalistic, lazy and wimpy whereas the women are treated as can do no wrong, wise, perfect people? because I do: But that;s the artist’s descision and they deserve to do what they want with their works: there is nothing wrong with that.

And now you can see why I didn’t go through and go in depth as to why this person is wrong: It’s blatant and obvious. But don’t take my word for it: see the train wreck for yourself.