#I fucking hate being gluten free guys

[sunnibits]

back at it again w the work doodles

[tpwk-formula1]

OK, BIG order here! Lando Norris (frat Lando if you're up for it), gluten-free, red sauce, artichokes, cilantro, sausage, sweet tea, lemonade (reader giving), pink lemonade, and no aftercare. In my mind, this is a college scenario and y/n absolutely can't stand Lando, cuz he's a cocky player who gets all the girls, but he somehow wins her over, and when he gets her, he absolutely dominates and humiliates her. Sorry, I just want to think about Lando completely owning me and being so arrogant about it lol

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

Gluten free Enemies to lovers red sauce rough sex artichokes "Imagine your father saw you now. On your knees like a proper trained slut" cilanto "stop crying and fucking take it" sausage "better not waste a drop" sweet tea dumbification lemonade body worship (reading giving) pink lemonade degrading kink

TW - MEAN Lando, degrading (like a lot), slight mention of dumbification, rough sex, face fucking, multi orgasms, cum swallow, spitting into mouth (once at very end), NOT PROOF READ

WC 2600+

AN - Okay so I am writing this more in USA ideas of fraternity and sorority as that is all I know about.

Y/N POV

"Literally go away Lando," I rolled my eyes at the boy in front of me. Lando and I had met on our first day of freshman year where he proudly told me he had never been told no by a girl before. From that moment on I hated him. I always seemed to find him on campus with his tongue down another girl's throat. It has never been the same girl more than once or twice really playing into his Playboy persona. Now in our senior year of university, he was still trying to get with me.

"Y/N just give me a chance. I'll have you cumming on my cock within minutes," Lando replied back still following me through the sorority house that he happily invited himself into. No one bat an eye as he was the president of our "brother" fraternity and being the president of the sorority it wasn't all that weird to see us talking.

"Lando, I have no issues cumming with literally anyone else," I reply back before walking into my room hoping to close the door in his face. I could hear Lando scuff softly at the lie I had just told. Lando had other plans because instead of staying on the other side of the door like I had hoped, he was pushing his way into my room before closing the door and locking it with a soft click.

"Get out," I tell him trying to make my way to the door to unlock it and open it but he quickly moves in front of me blocking the door before he roughly grabs my hips and turns me around so my back is pressed against the door and we where now facing each other face to face.

"Lando, please stop," I whisper not trusting my voice to stay stable if I talk any louder.

"Y/N come on. We have been going at each other's throats for years. Just one night. Let me destroy every wall you have built between us for the past four years in one night. Let me fuck you, please," Lando replied back not making any movement just staring into my eyes waiting for an answer.

"Why?" I ask with a raised brow. I had thought after our freshman year Lando would drop the idea of getting into my pants but as the years went on and the rejection kept coming for Lando it only made him more persistent. I won't lie and say I haven't been curious. I had heard the whispers of how big his dick was, how good he fucked, and the biggest rumor of all how deliciously mean he was.

"Y/N be real with me. You're the president of the top soroity on campus, your father is the dean of the school, and you're still the only girl to reject me. You're the girl every single guy on campus wants. You have won every battle between us but today, I need to finish this war. I need you to let me fuck you," Lando replied back essentially begging to let him in. I knew if right here and right now I told Lando no he would walk out and go back to his house but the part of me that has been getting weaker recently wants him to stay and wants to put the rumors to rest.

"One night? That's all this is," I reply back and the second the words leave my mouth Lando is on me like prey.

His hand was instantly tangled into my hair and pulling me in for a heated and rough kiss. Teeth clattering against each other and tongues fighting for dominance. It was rough and messy but god did it make my knees grow weak with need.

I think Lando and I both knew one day it would come to this. I would finally break and let him ravish my body like it had been his for the taking all along, and truthfully I think it has been his all along.

"Get on you fucking knees now," Lando pulled back saying while pushing my head down. I instantly drop to my knees looking up at Lando almost waiting for him to tell me what to do next.

"I hear some of the brothers talk about how good you are with your mouth. It's like you intentionally let them fuck you so they can talk about it letting me know all about the things I've been missing out on for the past four years. So don't be fucking dense with me, out that mouth of your to use," Lando snapped at me when I didn't do anything. I was instantly clawing at the fly of his jeans trying to get it zipped as quick as possible not wanting to piss him off more than I had previously.

When his pants were unbuttoned and zipped down I softly tugged them down his legs where Lando finally helped by kicking them off the rest of the way discarding them somewhere across my room.

"It's big," I whisper while keeping my eyes trained on the hard bulge under his briefs. While I still can't fully see just how big he is I can tell he's fucking massive he is because the tight white briefs leave far too little to the imagination.

"I'm sorry what was that? I need you to speak up a bit more," Lando says with a smirk written all over his face. It was clear he had heard me but enjoyed the praise far too much.

"I said it's smaller than I expected," I replied back with false confidence. Something in Lando snapped in that moment because one second I was on my knees getting ready to suck Lando off and the next I was being dragged by my hair towards my bed where he roughly through me onto it before positioning me so my head was hanging off the side of the bed upside down.

I was dizzy from how quickly the mood had shifted from two rivals arguing and bickering to me being upside down waiting to get my face fucked by said rival.

Lando made quick work of pulling his briefs down before he roughly shoved his massive cock into my mouth. Lando gave me hardly any time to adjust to his length that was filling my throat leaving me a gagging mess under him.

When Lando starts thrusting into my mouth I can feel his balls starting to slap my nose making this moment all that more embasrrassing. How I had ended up with Lando fucking Norris's cock shoved down my throat and his balls hitting my face will always amaze me.

Suddenly I feel Lando lean down slightly making the angle all the more rough before he was tugging at my tight tank top pulling it up to expose my lacey bra too him. I could feel his big hands gripping and pulling at my tits all the while still fucking my face in such a brutal pace I could barely breath.

While one final rough thrust down my throat he holds himself there for a few seconds cutting off my airflow completely before he roughly pulls out and steps back to see me slightly rolling to my side gasping for air and coughing from the brutal attack.

"God, you're such a fucking whore. Took that so well," Lando says with a smirk before shoving two fingers down my throat to watch me gag again. I can feel Lando whiggle his fingers around slightly making me gag more before he rough pulls them out to watch me struggle for fresh air again.

"You know, I'm happy to know that your mouth isn't just good for talking," Lando says before roughly taking a handful of my hair and turning me around slightly so my head was no longer dangling off the bed but rather my legs where dangling.

I was still fully dressed but that didn't last long as Lando completely pulled my shorts and thong down in one go before pulling off my tank top so roughly he ripped it slightly. I feel Lando reach under me before unclipping my bra and roughly pulling it off my body. I had gone from completely clothed to naked as the day I was born within 30 seconds or so.

I watched as Lando fulled his shirt off leaving me to gawk as the tanned 6 pack he was sporting. While I had spent my years trying to avoid him I still had eyes and could see how hot he was.

"See something you like," Lando asks with a smirk making me wanna roll my eyes but I reframe not wanting to piss him off.

"Ya," I just whisper back too embarrassed to admit the thoughts I was thinking. Cursing myself for making him wait all these years when I could've had him all along.

"God, you're a fucking whore. I haven't even touched you are you're already starting to soak your sheets," Lando announced making me trail my trail my eyes down where I can't see much but I could tell how soaked I was just by the way my pussy lips where coated.

"Lando fucking do something," I snap not having the patience to be stared at like I was some kind of artifact on display.

"Hm, I wanna hear why you want it so bad all the sudden. For years you were adiment I would never bed you but here you are begging for it," Lando replied while slowly running his fingers up my thighs and stomach where he landed on my left nipple which he took between his fingers and gave it a tug making me moan at the pleasurable pain.

"Lando, please I just need you to fuck me," I reply with a face still covered in tears and spit and I hadn't had a chance to wipe it off.

"You beg like a proper slut you know, but I still wanna know why," Lando replies still teasing my nipples having moved his attention to my right one now.

"Fuck you, you're fucking hot. You're one of the hottest guys here, I want you to fuck me and ruin me for anyone else," I finally submit to Lando being too weak to continue to try and fight.

"Oh, so all along you've been wanting it. God, you really are a slut," Lando mutters before finally slipping into my tight pussy with so much for I'm left gasping for air.

"God you're so fucking tight. Tighter than I would've thought given everything I've hear," Lando groans once he had filled me completely. He gives me just a few seconds to gather myself before he start thrusting his hips.

"Oh fuck, Lando," I whine and moan out not really sure how to act. I had been fucked before but I have never quite been fucked like this.

I can feel Lando's pace picking up in speed and roughness leaving me gasping for air. He was getting to a point where he was being so rough it was making tears well up in my eyes.

"Stop crying and fucking take it" Lando groans when he sees the tears starting too form.

"Too much," I gasp before digging my nails into Lando's chest making him hiss in slight pain.

"It's not too much, you can fucking handle it. I can feel your pussy clenching around my cock wanting more," Lando says while delivering slow yet painfully pleasurable thursts hitting my G-spot each time.

"Lando I'm close," I whisper knowing if I talked any loud I would stutter given how much pleasure was coursing through my body.

"Do what all good sluts are for and cum," Lando says while picking up his pace sending me into a blissful land where all I can think about in the orgasm that is leaving me shaking on Lando's cock,.

"Oh, fuck," I whine starting to come down from my orgasm but not fully being able to as Lando is still sending brutal thrusts keeping me overstimulated yet still edging towards another orgasm.

"God, you just fucking came and you're already clenching for another," Lando teases out clearly being able to read my body far better than he should be able to.

"Fu-ck n-o Lan," I'm whining and trying to get away but not being able to form full sentences as the pleasure is mounting far too quick.

"Awe did I turn you into a dumb whore norm," Lando says with a smirk before sending down a rough slap right on my clit throwing me straight into another orgasm. I just scream, thankful that none of the other girls were home.

"No," I whisper coming down from my orgasm while Lando is slowing his thrust slightly.

"can't" I whine.

"Speak up and use your fucking words," Lando says clearly getting fed up with the dumb slut under him.

"I can't cum again," I finally force out a sentence once I've come down from the orgasm mostly.

Lando pulls his cock out without saying anything. He leans over placing a soft kiss on my lips throwing me off slightly before he's roughly gripping onto my hair and hauling me off the bed and back onto my knees.

"You know what to do," Is all Lando tells me while he watches me slowly grip onto his dick which is absolutely soaked in my pussy juices before bringing my mouth to his cock.

"Imagine your father saw you now. On your knees like a proper trained slut," Lando says while I start bobbing my head on his dick making sure to take him as deep as I can without gagging too much.

Lando grips the back of my head before he starts to face fuck me. I can feel the tears streaking my face, my spit rolling down my chin and all I can hear is the sound of my gagging and Lando's groaning ringing out through the room and if I'm being honest, I have never been more turned on in my life.

Lando finally releases the grip he has on the back of my head letting me do all the work now. I was thankful as it was becoming increasingly more difficult to breathe.

I pull my mouth off of Lando's cock making sure to keep jerking him off, while looking up at him. He was already staring down at me watching me like a hawk.

"Thank you, Lando," I whisper softly.

"For what," Lando groans clearly getting close to blowing his load so I slow it down slightly wanting him to cum in my mouth.

"Fucking me so good," I whisper while trailing kisses around the lower part of his toned abs and into his trimmed pubes before taking Lando back into my mouth and bobbing my head so rough that I am consistently hitting my gag reflex.

I feel Lando starting to tense letting me know he was close before he gave one final rough thrust into my mouth and held my head there before unleashing his massive load into my mouth and right down my throat.

"Better not waste a drop" Lando groans when he pulls out of my mouth watching me as I swallow his cum. When I'm done swallowing I open my mouth and stick out my tongue showing him I had swallowed it all. Lando just leans down slightly before spitting right into my mouth and walking away to find his clothes.

Once Lando was fully dressed I was already comfortably in bed too exhausted to do anything but melt into my pillow.

"We will do this again," Lando says matter a factly before placing a kiss on my forehead and then lips and walking out of my room presumably to go back to his house.

[rainbowsky]

I'm so torn. As a tennis fan and as a human I loathe Djokovic almost as much as I love Yibo. I desperately hope Yibo does not become friends on any level with that fool, or become infected with any of his fucked up ideas.

In case you are unaware, Novak Djokovic is an anti-science, passionate anti-vaxxer, who believes in homeopathy and a whole bunch of other really batshit things. For example he has told people that you can clean polluted food and water with the power of your emotions, and he became gluten free because a 'nutritionist' told him he was weaker when he was holding a slice of bread in his hand.

During COVID-19 he refused to get vaccinated and spread a lot of dangerous ideas that likely cost lives, and he himself personally infected a whole bunch of people. I can't stand that guy. He's the Gwyneth Paltrow of tennis.

I'm really glad that Yibo is having fun, and I'm glad that he is having an exciting experience, but I hate that he is being associated in any way with Djokovic.

[faiirybread]

i know places ︴aa23

🌷 in which.. the fans aren’t happy, but they are!

pt1!

alex_albon just posted!

God bless America, God bless double points!🫡🇺🇸🦅raaaaahhh!!!!

tagged: danielricciardo, yukitsunoda, yourusernameofficial

liked by yourusernameofficial, yukitsunoda, and 927,724 others

user1 YN?????

user2 great race today, you deserved those points!

user3 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

user4 GET AWAY FROM HER

user5 MOM NO PLEASE

yourusernameofficial Amazing job today, it was awesome to watch! 💙💙

alex_albon Thank you so much!

user4 BRO GO FOR IT

user6 is yn dating him?

user5 we dont know, all the interactions between them is him liking her post and posting her stage on his story, her going to a race, and now this post

user6 ah ok

user7 NO WAY yourusernameofficial ARE YOU A GLUTEN FREE GIRLIE

yourusernameofficial Yes! I went gluten free because I kept getting muscle injuries, and it’s really helped! 💗

user7 YESSSS SHE IS ONE OF US I LOVE YOU YN

user8 STOP THEY WENT TO TRADER JOES TOGETHER???

user9 THATS WHAT IM SAYINGG LIKE THEY ARE TOGETHER

user10 RAHHH LAND OF THE FREE TO DATE YN YLN

user11 he isnt dating her you bitch.. get out of here

user10 RAHH CANT HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS FREEDOM

user11 why would yn lower herself to him, she knows her worth and he isnt it.

user12 WHATS THAT SOUND?? THE SOUND OF LIBERATION FROM WACKASS KPOP STANS

f1gossip just posted!

recent photos released by korean news site dispatch of yn yln and alex!

liked by user1, user2, and 98,725 others

user1 YOUR JOKING

user2 most random couple

user3 yn.. how could you betray us like this 😔

user4 ALEX ALBON WITH THE RIZZZ

user5 wtf are you talking about? this isnt a good thing..

user4 lol what why

user5 yns whole career is on her fans, who shes betraying with this. ive been a fan since she was 16 and to see her grow up to be such a slut is really disappointing.. i wouldnt be surprised if her company terminates her contract

user4 bro wtf are you on about?? shes a fucking human being who is allowed to live and have friends and partners. calling yourself a fan of hers then saying shes a slut is just laughable. your a 40 year old man who became a fan of a 16 year old and cant bear to think that shes not a doll for you to play with. fucking creepy and disgusting.

user6 NUH UH NUH UH

user7 ok but ehy this guy?! yn could literally have anyone in f1 and she chose a guy who cant even win a race??

user8 dude poor alex he does not deserve the crazy kpop stans breathing down his neck

user9 wait theyre kinda cute 🤭

user10 NO THEYRE NOT

ynupdates just posted!

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM SM ENTERTAINMENT:

Hello, this is SM Entertainment. A series of photos were shared today of YN YLN. We cannot confirm or deny the rumors, and request that you give YN privacy and empathy in this time. Thank you.

liked by pierregasly, user1, and 562,737 others

user1 what was the point of the statement if theyre not gonna confirm anything 😭

user2 sm this isnt kai and jennie.. williams racing is not gonna post a statement

user3 ok so….

user4 #DROPYN

user5 get tf outta here ‼️

user6 BOOOO

user7 this is how her company responds to alex getting this amount of hate??

user8 unfortunately its really common because of the industry standard that idils stay single/keep their relationships private so this is probably the most we’ll get from sm

user7 really? ive seen some companies do legal action, are they not doing that?

user8 not for alex, only for yn

user7 damn this is gonna be tough for alex then

user9 alex_albon pls see the light this is not worth it

user10 #DROPYN

alexalbon just posted a story!

user1 YES ALEX

user2 thank you for defending her!!

user3 just not a good idea to be around her..

user4 GET OUT GET OUT

yourusernameofficial just posted!

3 songs for the ones I love 💗

Slut!, Teenage Dream, and Mirrorball out now on all platforms 🌷

tagged: smtown, alex_albon

liked by alex_albon, imnotningning, and 7,273,127 others

📌alex_albon WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ABOUT THESE

yourusernameofficial 🤭 🤭 luv ya babes

alex_albon I LOVE YOU TOO!!! I WILL ALWAYS MAKE IT WORTH IT!!

user1 TEENAGE DREAM IS SO 😭 😭 😭 IM SORRY WE MADE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT YN

user2 are you gonna cancel promos for these too?

alex_albon soz but promos are only for me 😝

user3 bad start dad…

alex_albon sorry kiddo had to say how it is

user4 MIRRORBALL 😭😭😭 YNNIE WERE SO SORRY

user5 slut! is so romantic?? alex how did you do it

pierregasly amazing songs!

yourusernameofficial thank you!!

user6 YN ARE WE GONNA GET MORE PADDOCK CONTENT

yourusernameofficial YES!!!! IM SO EXCITED

user6 OMG OMG OMG PLS ARE YOU GONNA BE IN THE GARAGE??

yourusernameofficial i cant say yet but ill deffo try and meet you guys there!!

user7 she seems so happy with him dude, she never used to respond to comments or anything

landonorris I WANT YOU TO KNOW IM YOUR MIRRORBALL ILL SHOW YOU EVERY VERSION OF YOURSELF TONIGHT

yourusernameofficial 🫶🫶🫶

user8 WE LOVE YOU YN!!!

user9 BLOSSOMS LETS STREAM THESE AND SHOW HER OUR LOVE!!

user10 FLOP #DROPYN

alex_albon waa waa waa 😹😹😹

charlesleclerc16 OUTSOLD 👏 👏 👏

yourusernameofficial thank you charles!!

[beep-beep-sunny]

Day 1!! (Fashionably late) Reddie week- mythical creatures!! (Richie is a ghost)

Ghosts in movies are usually ancient beings of untold power or Victorian children in nightgowns with no eyes. Something ominous, right? Something grand and mysterious. 

"Are you gonna eat that?" The ghostly white and see through visage of a floating guy with coke bottle glasses and a shit eating grin asked from behind Eddie's back. 

Without even cracking a smile, Eddie responded. "You can't even eat, dumbass. You have no stomach."  

He somehow snorts with no physical nose. "I'm sure I could find a way to make an exception for something like that. Besides." He flew around Eddie as if he were swimming in air and tapped the side of his "glasses". "I don't have eyes, and yet I still have these babies." 

"Yeah, why do you do that to yourself, anyway? Are you even capable of taking them off?"

"That's not the point. The point is, I look devastatingly handsome in my glasses, so I keep them, and the cake would be devastatingly delicious, so why not enjoy it? I'm already dead. I gotta at least try to live a little. What do ya say?" He flared his fingers out as if he thought he really did something. 

Eddie stabbed a piece of the dairy-free gluten-free cake. One of the few treats he allowed himself. "No." 

"Please." Richie begged, bringing his not-face closer to Eddie's and puppy pouted half inside of his face. 

"No." Eddie continued, unfazed, and put the piece in his mouth. 

"Please." Richie said again, this time face to face, eye to eye, close enough to kiss if they could even physically touch. Instead, their faces were just partially merged. 

Eddie shrieked sharply and bits of cake fell out of his mouth and through Richie's face. "Oh gross, look what you made me do. If you're gonna pull this shit at least have the courtesy to be alive enough to clean up your mess."

"Another perk of being dead, Edwardo. Now about that cake." He said. 

"Oh my god." Eddie groaned, throwing his head back as he swept the hard cake crumbs from the floor. "You may be the one that's dead, but you make me lose my will to live." 

"I love you too." Richie chirped. 

After letting out a long, heavy sigh, Eddie stood up next to his plate and silently cut off a piece. 

"Ahhhh," Richie let his jaw unnaturally unhinge, like a snake, with his tongue lolling out like a Looney Toon. 

Eddie held the cake on the fork. "Don't get cocky." He held the cake out to him, keeping his hand under the fork to manage crumbs. Richie got close, too close, and put his mouth around the fork. The fork and Eddie's hands were fully visible through Richie's milky white head. Bits of the cake fell from the fork onto Eddie's hand. 

Richie kept trying, miming biting and licking, much to Eddie's disgust, but nothing happened. "Awww." He backed away, defeated. 

"I told you. We do this multiple times a week. What made you think the result would be any different this time?" He looked at him through his eyelashes, a headache coming in. 

"You're making it sound like you don't treasure our 'boy and his ghost' bonding time, Eds." 

"Boy? I'm basically middle aged!" 

"I hope not. If you're middle aged, I'm middle aged Eds." 

"You're dead."Eddie sighed. "Not sure if I should be more worried about your sanity or mine. You know what they say about insanity. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result or whatever. But I'm the one talking to thin fucking air and trying to feed it my dessert." 

"I don't know about thin. I've put on a few pounds in my old age. I'm middle aged you know." He smiled, wide and smug.

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Eddie instinctively chucked his forkful of cake at him. Richie tried to catch it in his mouth, but of course, it fell to the floor. Richie wouldn't have gotten it anyway. He was a little too left. 

"Are you gonna clean that up?" Richie winked. "I'd help, but, ya know, dead." 

"I hate you so fucking much. What did I do to deserve this? Is it too late for the clown to just take me?" Eddie begrudgingly got the broom and stomped around, diligently looking for crumbs to sweep into his little pan. 

"Then you'd really be stuck with me, Eds. Till death do us not part. Because I'm dead and I haven't parted. So, I'm sure you'd be just as stuck here as I am." 

"Oh my goddd," Eddie screamed into his hands. 

There once was a boy named Richie Tozier. They grew up together. They met when they were in the first grade. Bill, Stan, Richie, and Eddie were typical best friends that loved each other, and would do anything for each other, but also kinda hated each other sometimes. Mike, Beverly, and Ben joined when they were thirteen. They didn't have time to form a dynamic before they were all haunted by horrors beyond their wildest childhood imaginations. The clown. It was more horror than any kid or anyone for that matter should have to witness in any lifetime. They did what they could, but they were kids. 

Eddie had a broken arm. He had no business splashing around in a sewer trying to fight evil itself, but he wasn't going to let his best friends go in without him. Richie was a goofy kid with broken glasses, a smart mouth that wouldn't stop running, and buckets of unearned confidence and bravery. He never was okay with anything happening to Eddie. If a bully hurt Eddie, Richie would open his mouth and end up getting hurt way worse than Eddie was in the first place. If Eddie was tripped, Richie ended up with a black eye and bloody nose. And what was the clown but a big, supernatural bully? So when he came for Eddie, Richie didn't even think before using his mouth to get himself into trouble. The last trouble he'd ever get into. They really were best friends and it turns out, they were inseparable, even in death. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47685511/chapters/120198859

[themculibrary]

Punk!Bucky Masterlist

ain't nothing punk about that (ao3) - idekman steve/bucky, pepper/tony, clint/natasha, jane/thor T, 6k

Summary: Bucky tries not to get involved with high school drama shit. Steve Rogers is just another kid who gets beaten up in corridors.

Until he's not.

-

In which Steve Rogers gets punched a lot and Bucky Barnes is getting a little sick of it.

All These Years (ao3) - endoftheline7 (orphan_account) steve/bucky, sam/sharon E, 5k

Summary: Steve Rogers doesn't get invited to parties much- but that's okay, he hates them anyway. However, after hooking up with the infamous Bucky Barnes at one, he decides that maybe they aren't so bad after all.

Behind All Things Are Reasons (ao3) - likeasugarcube steve/bucky T, 2k

Summary: Punk!Bucky/Hipster!Steve Coffeeshop AU

Bulldogs and Kittens (ao3) - Gothic_Lolita bucky/tony, past tony/justin T, 4k

Summary: When Bucky pretending to be some twink's boyfriend to protect him from an ex, he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Cause You Look So Much Cuter With Something In Your Mouth (ao3) - Spiralblissx steve/bucky E, 2k

Summary: Steve is more than a little intrigued when he hears the rumor that Bucky Barnes has a dick piercing.

Children of the Sun (That's the Origin of Love) (ao3) - starknjarvis steve/bucky M, 7k

Summary: "Bucky is watching Steve pour himself a bowl of gluten-free Chex when it hits him like a sledgehammer. Steve is scrawny and short with a half-buzzed head, hipster glasses, and an array of avant-garde tattoos, and Bucky is so in love with him that it hurts." 

Bucky has a final exam tomorrow, has just realized he's in love with his best friend, and Natasha won't stop calling him an idiot.

He seriously needs a vacation.

Coming Home For Christmas (ao3) - Chiyume steve/bucky E, 118k

Summary: Steve Rogers is a good man. His friends have told him so on numerous occasions, but this might actually be more bordering on "stupid" rather than "kind".

Because what else would you describe the act of inviting a complete stranger - and thief - into your home over the Holidays?

Steve isn't quite sure what to call it himself, but fact is that when it comes to the case of Bucky Barnes, Steve's actually pretty okay with being referred to as an idiot, as long as it keep the other man safe. And to Steve's defence, it had all started out with such good intentions...

i'm a fool with a curse and a crush (ao3) - plutos steve/bucky T, 15k

Summary: "He is, of course, slightly confused as to why Steve has been so willing to hang out with him, considering Steve wears khaki pants and tucks his shirt into his belt, but figures if Steve is weird for hanging out with a kid who wears smudged eyeliner and metal studded leather around his wrists, then Bucky is also weird for voluntarily spending time with a skinny as fuck asthmatic who shines his shoes and combs his hair into place every morning."

aka skinny!steve and punk!bucky, who are really just two teenagers in love

i'm already falling (ao3) - lord_is_it_mine steve/bucky G, 2k

Summary: Bucky is a barista. Steve just wants to draw him. And date him. A lot.

I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend (ao3) - MonstrousRegiment steve/bucky E, 13k

Summary: Bucky (the appallingly punk kid) gets drunk and accidentally breaks into Steve's (the outrageously hipster kid) apartment.

Honest mistake! He was trying to break into Natasha's next door.

Romance happens. (Somehow.)

Junior High Fantasies (ao3) - maybegracie steve/bucky T, 4k

Summary: In which Steve thinks that Bucky Barnes is planning his murder, but really he just has a big gay crush.

Just Give In (ao3) - Hattietheunicorn, Razzamatazz steve/bucky, clint/natasha, maria/sam M, 17k

Summary:

STEP 1: flirt with a hot guy at a karaoke bar but forget to get his number

STEP 2: form a rock band and hope said hot guy will audition for lead singer

STEP 3: ????

STEP 4: PROFIT

(aka Sam is fed up of Steve's pining and Steve and Bucky really need to learn how to communicate)

Man, It's So Loud In Here (ao3) - DaveCumstaine steve/bucky, ambiguous steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: He's bathed in varying spectrums of red and green, parting his lips slightly and closing his eyes to feel the beat more thoroughly. Steve is mesmerized by the angelic expression that graces his face, causing his heart to pound louder than the music.

(Aka)

Steve is bored. Bucky is a punk (sorta). Tony is a boring corporate jerk. Clint is secretly a wisecracking BAMF. And Bruce is just there.

More Than Meets the Eye (ao3) - Moons_of_Avalon steve/bucky E, 3k

Summary: Steve Rogers, for all that he has the face and demeanor of an angel, is no blushing innocent in bed. But Bucky's content to be the only one who knows it.

Punks & Poets (ao3) - im95notdead clint/bucky T, 5k

Summary: Bucky stood, grabbing his skateboard.

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

“Gonna go kick some homophobic ass. Nice talkin’ to ya.”

The 6:45 to Midtown (ao3) - 17405 steve/bucky M, 59k

Summary: Steve rode the same train nearly every morning to work. He wasn’t entirely certain how long he’d been choosing the same car, but after he began to notice the regular face…

The Happily-Ever-After Business (ao3) - mambo steve/bucky T, 23k

Summary: After planning perfect weddings for New York's elite, wedding planner Steve Rogers is ready to find love for himself.

But he didn't anticipate falling in love with the tattoo artist who works down the street.

The Problem With Roommates (ao3) - Tealshirt steve/bucky M, 22k

Summary: Steve and Bucky have been exceptionally awkward lately, but they are starting to sort their problems out.

What, you never read smut before? (ao3) - Razzamatazz steve/bucky T, 2k

Summary: From a Tumblr prompt: “You just caught me reading hardcore smut fan fiction during class and you’re wondering how I can read this with a blank face.”

In which Steve is a little hipster shit and poor Bucky is just an embarrassed punk with a crush.

You Can Make It (To the Sunrise) (ao3) - starlight_starbright steve/bucky, background pepper/tony, background clint/natasha, background sam/maria, background thor/jane E, 5k

Summary: Bucky is an ex-marine going back to college where he meets Steve Rodgers—the hot guy in his 8am math class.

Steve is an artist who drinks too much coffee and gets sick a lot.

[viktuurionice]

Vent post /// it's long

Why are there so many hoops to jump through to get a fucking state ID?

Like why is there so much to moving than there needs to be.

I already didn't want to move gkdkkdkdkdk but I wanted the help my relatives are giving me but I didn't want to move across the entire fucking country away from everyone I care about to be with people I've only seen occasionally over the past 10 years. Like I'm grateful. I'm not trying to sound like a whiney bitch baby about it but my best friend of 10+ years is across the country. I had to leave my favorite roommates behind, the first people I've lived with where I've felt like I actually get to, y'know be a person. I had to cut a relationship short because I was moving in 6 months. (If I hadn't we'd be close to our 1 year anniversary, now I've barely talked with them in 3 months) I get here and get told it's normal to be homesick (no shit, I've moved cross country 3 times now. I know) living is a little less expensive and a little more affordable here, but I'm still going to need roommates once I cana actually get somewhere to permanently live. But I keep getting encouraged NOT to have them because I've had so many terrible experiences with roommates over the years (yeah, I wonder why I fucking hate people?) but that's not feasible at all. Ohhhh get a better job!!! You can control your life and how you're doing with a better job!!! No, no I fucking can't. The economy sucks. Rent is too expensive, there's a bunch of other shit, and you're expecting me to eat only health food and honestly I'd rather be able to save money than eat gluten free fucking bread. I know it sounds ungrateful but FUCK. I'm not paying rent because on paper I'm homeless, this isn't a permanent address or place for me so I can't even receive mail in my own fucking name unless it's at a PO box, that I can't even have packages sent to. Like I know my family isn't going to go through my mail, at least not intentionally, but I don't wanna explain why I like BL so much or why I've ordered it or anything because about half of my explanation for that is "oh yeah, helps me deal with gender dysphoria." Because .. it does. It's one of the things that actually, really helps. That's not an acceptable answer though btw, so I would just have to use the good 'ol " I like it for the same reason guys like lesbian porn" excuse I used in high school (lmao). So I can't order BL because what if someone else opens it. I mean I guess I could but that's not a conversation I want to have. Despite being handed a pack of condoms when I started going on dates. Like I could but I don't want to explain myself. And adults should have their own mail anyway. I got treated like a kid for so long that it's something that's important. It's autonomy that I like having (if it falls under that?).

Speaking of DYSPHORIA, good fucking god it hasn't been this bad in YEARS. Like I could kinda manage it to a point but pretty much everyone I was close with knew I wasn't cisgender. I got gendered fairly correctly on a regular basis, no one expected me to be girly. I wasn't expected to put on makeup when doing certain things outside of the house. I'd go literal MONTHS without touching my makeup, now it's maybe 2 days at the most and I want to rip my skin off. I wasn't told to wear low cut shirts to show off the body part I'm most dysphoric about because it's an asset. I wasn't expected to be pretty, I could just kind of be. Like yeah I was perceived as a woman but I didn't have to put effort into a fucking performance art of being feminine just to meet other people's expectations. And maybe I don't have to but I don't want people to know I'm queer and I feel like an aversion to most things feminine is like a neon flashing sign. While probably somewhat ok I don't feel safe being out. It's exhausting. I want to rip my chest off. If a box cutter would get it off without killing me I'd do it. Like??? This is so fucking uncomfortable and no one understands. I had a meltdown last month because of it and had to just say they hurt more than usual. Oh, but they're a good thing to have! At least they come out further than your stomach! Men love them!

Consider: I've wanted them off of my body entirely for over 2/3 of the time I've had them. They're not only uncomfortable but they get in the way, and I could care less about what any man I might fuck thinks about them? Like??? What the fuck? I don't care, mother fucker doesn't have to deal with the back pain that comes with them or any other drawbacks. Get them off me.

I also can't smoke weed? Which yeah it's shitty but like, it's not legal here and it's something that helps. I have to moderate my drinking which I should have been doing anyway but being an alcoholic and quitting over night and then not... Not telling anyone I'm struggling with that is an accomplishment. And despite being able to realize that's a big accomplishment for me, it kind of feels like the bare fucking minimum, but pair that with everything else and it's another straw on the camel's back of stressors. Some sort of ability to use a substance would be fucking nice. Just on days off. Come on.

Like I'm grateful I'm being given help. I'm tired.

It's not like I hate everything about being here. I'm just tired and I can't hit the ground running like I've been expected to. It's a lot. It's too much and I'm so fucking tired. But no breaks. Not allowed. And I get being an adult means you don't get breaks, I've been one for long enough but like, everything from gender dysphoria, missing everyone, significantly reducing my alcohol intake, quitting weed, getting a job, pretending not to be fucking disabled everyday is a lot. It's a fucking lot and I don't know how long I can do it. I'm doing my best. I like working. I'm grateful I have a place to stay. I'm grateful I'm getting things done to try and finally get a driver's licence. But I'm so fucking tired and "just get a better job" isn't going to fix my income issues. If I'm this tired from part time how the fuck am I going to work full time? I don't think I'm even capable of doing that? Hell the last time I worked full time hours was when I started cutting. Like I made it through all of high school, go my first job and started actively self harming a couple months later (maybe not even a full month lmao). Like I'm disabled and will probably always be a part timer because I'm barely functioning. But oh, take these supplements and eat healthy and you'll have more energy. No??? No I won't? I'm still exhausted?

I know I'm a weak fucking failure but that's what I've always been? And essentially cosplaying as a person that isn't is so fucking exhausting. I finally actually cried about being homesick for the first time today and I feel terrible about it. I haven't responded to text messages since last night. There's 4 people waiting on replies and I'm so fucking tired. One of them is the guy I've been dating and I'm dreading telling him I wasn't able to get a fucking state ID today and I fucking hate it. I'm a failure and annoying and I think as soon he actually realizes that he's going to stop talking to me and I'm desperate to spend time with people I'm not related to. I'm desperate to not be told religious stuff or that the church can help me because religion isn't going to fix me. Like. Work is great! I actually really like my new job!! I like the guy I've been going out with. I have another friend. I'm working really hard. There are things I like here but I the expectations are too high and even though I'm meeting them I feel like I'm barely managing that and I'm not even myself whatever that is anymore.

[kart0]

I found a hack to start eating again !!! Me fanboying over food ?

Ok I'm super super excited about this. This is daniyuu lore guys it's very serious: there was a time when I seriously considered studying gastronomy and pursuing this career. I didn't want to have a restaurant or be a chef, I really really just wanted to learn more techniques and improve my abilities. But then I thought "hell no id rather DIE than make this my life. I love cooking and baking and this is my fucking hobbyyyyy !!!!" And then I chose arts lol

As my previous update, and some other posts, I mentioned having an eating disorder ! And I think I've rationalized enough to overcome it ? Like bro I honestly feel like a superhero rn no joke. Disclaimer: this is what works FOR ME. I'm not saying this will work for everyone who's struggling with an ED. This is MY own experience !

Ok so I have trouble with consistent eating, and trying new things. ARFID: avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

My current safe food is basically: cauliflower, neoguri/shin ramyun, and monster energy drinks. And popcorn.

I know, I KNOW, those aren't super healthy or...nutritious, BUT IN MY DEFENSE: eating anything is better than not eating at all !

Anyways, after being kinda sad that I miss food, and miss feeling happy when eating, and miss cooking, I've finally come to terms that: I can guarantee I will eat, if I cook my meal. Sounds very basic because it is ! If I am the one cooking, I'm the one who has control over EVERYTHING. I can choose my seasonings, my ingredients, my own method. I know what's in there, I know what I will be having, and I will be having fun ! I will associate food with my happiness because I will be happy cuz I love cooking !

I really really miss cooking and since I'm on my uni break my mom and sister have been asking me to cook more meals, and I've been doing that. And enjoying so much !

I feel so happy when all my family praise my food. I really really do think, hmmm, I did a great job.

And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a very good cook lol

Last year I was responsible for picking and making our Christmas AND New Years menu. I carefully planned three meals a day for a week, and administrated my family to help me out. like a real chef would do ! By the way, my family members have a lot of restrictions: sister mom and aunt: lactose intolerant; dad, other aunt: can't have too much salt; mom and aunt: gluten free; me: literally the pickiest eater ever !

And every time, literally no joke, I would ask how did they enjoy my meal ( I mostly did all the cooking while they would prep the ingredients ) and they would ALWAYS say it was awesome and good and most importantly, tasty. I felt this rush of emotions and I'd always think hm, this was worth it. I'd be tired my legs would be sore but my tummy would be full and I'd be happy. It was worth it.

Then I got very bad and totally stopped eating, I wanted to lose weight and I did, I lost a LOT of weight but I also felt so bad and I literally was very close to passing out all the time.

I cut off some foods specially meats, idk they just.. started grossing me out. I always hated pork so that was never an issue ( no I don't like bacon ) , and I was already a picky eater and would only eat some type of meats and cuts ( I hate hate hate cartilages, skins, fat lol ) but then I just. Stopped eating red meat, and then I got even more restricted from eating chicken ( chicken breast is the safest cut and meat for me ) and I'm not the biggest fan of seafood.

Anyways, I had to take blood samples and well I now have iron deficiency 🥴

Got sidetracked I'm sorry but I really really like talking about this ? Since it's like...my hobby I guess. Ok so I stopped cooking cuz it was too much work and effort and I wouldn't even eat it in the end. So I just, stopped.

My birthday is coming up tho, and my sister wanted us to go to this restaurant that I've been wanting to go for AGES !!!!! ( More daniyuu lore: I love cooking shows specially Masterchef ) And there's this restaurant from a Masterchef winner and I wanted to try her food for sooooo long. But when my sister told me this I actually got very, very sad. I thought, it'd be a waste of money and time. I won't eat anything. Not only do I rarely eat, but when I do, I tend to eat very small portions. And I thought DANG IT this would be SUCH a waste of opportunity.

And then, my secret weapon: actually, two secret weapons: my THINKING, and my STUBBORNESS.

Thinking, I could come to this solution. And stubborness, cuz I will follow through and this will work.

Came to the conclusion that the only way to start eating again, is by making meals I'm proud of, and excited to try. Yes !

I've been saving some videos of different foods to try to make and I've been sooooo excited !

Only problem is that I fucked up both of my arms cuz of the last post ( sakuatsu baseball ) ( I locked in too hard and drew for 8 hours straight.... ) ( don't do that )

And now I'm in so much pain I'm trying to not do anything and just rest ( not working cuz my family keeps asking me to do chores and stuff that needs a lot of arm strength . I got pissed off cuz they seem to worry but in fact don'tgaf - so this hasnt been working ugh ). Even writing this post makes me feel like there are electrical wires on my hands wrists elbow and shoulders. I shouldn't be but I'm so excited and I need to post this before I forget. I can't lose momentum ? Idk

I'm very excited too ! I've always been curious about vegan food and vegetarian options, which is kind of funny since I'm not a big fan of many, MANY, vegetables.. but seeing them being prepared in ways I've never tried before actually make me feel so happy and curious ! Maybe I will like them then ! I just need to find a way to make them to my taste. Isn't this so exciting ? The magic of genuine curiosity and passion is literally flowing through my veins. I'm so, so happy I found my love for cooking again !!!!!! I can't wait to be fully healed and better and cook these awesome meals.

( by the way I used to joke to my sister that I'd be a vegan vegetarian super Nature vibes when I'd turn 30 - I was like, 11 at the time )

I'm so, so excited. Also, important note: my mom doesn't really season food... Since my dad can't have too much salt, and she can't either ( she takes blood pressure pills ? ) she will put a PINCH of salt. And that's it.

It was kind of sad....

Anyways, I found out I really really like caeser salad and some veggies if they're actually seasoned lol

Ahhhhh I'm so happy ! I feel like I'm actually gonna get better ! I'm planning to make a wonton soup cuz it looks sooooo gooooood ! ( Yes it is pork. No I won't eat the pork. I hope I won't find pork on the market... And then I can search for ground chicken meat. Heh. Probably won't find ground chicken tho. ) I've never had wonton soup so I won't be sure if it's like, good, and the real deal cuz I won't have any data to compare but ! A boy can only dream

And then, I want to try and make more salads ( I love salads ) and also ! I want to make my own pickles ! We don't have a lot of varieties here, it's always the same two or three brands. And the pickles are never crunchy which makes me so sad. They're also very mild and have barely no flavour. WHERE'S THE PASSION.

Also I want to try and make a filet-o-fish from McDonald's. I really like those but they were discontinued, plus, I'm boycotting McDonald's ( and a lot of other brands as well ) and honestly, McDonald's is super expensive here anyways.

And my food is better 🤭🤭

Its funny cuz I'm a very insecure person, but when it comes to cooking, bro I am very proud of myself and my skills. I do in fact cook and I'm...the best cook in my family 😬

It makes me happy that you can see ( and I can see too ) how happy this make me. I really enjoy cooking. I'm really excited to cook again. And I'm very, very ecstatic to eat. Wow !

I'm very proud of myself.

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: Guitar Villain

Directory | Pixelator

Jagged finished his solo, sliding on his knees, and strummed the last note in the latest song he had come up with.

“Whaddya think, perfect for the album, eh, Bob? Totally killer?”

“What would be really killer would be a duet with XY!”

Ugh.

Jagged stood up again and adjusted his Eiffel Sunglasses – he had barely taken them off since the issue with Pixelator got resolved – to glare at his manager.

“You kidding me?! I'm not singing with some kid who doesn't even shave yet!”

Nevermind that his music was the most simple and un-rock-n-roll thing in the world of music.

But, for some reason, Bob liked the boy.

“That 'kid' is number 1 on the sales chart!” Bob exclaimed.

“Bob, what would a duet between Jagged and XY even sound like?” Penny, ever the magnificent, interrupted. “They're not even the same music genre!”

“Oh, it'll be fine after you modernize your music, find a new style, and change everything about yourself.”

“FUCK OFF.”

Seriously, what the hell did this guy think? That he was gonna fold like paper?

“Are these album covers part of your 'modernization'?” he asked, disgusted. “They look like perfume ads, blegh!”

Piss on that. And on his ideas. If he wanted a perfume ad on a cover, then he'd better slam it on that sell-out.

“Bob, me and Jagged want to commission the collége student who made his glasses: Marinette,” Penny intervened once more. He could kiss her – she was always the best with this diplomacy stuff. “She's talented, gets his tastes, and is in our target demographic.”

“A collége student?! You can't be–!”

He made a subtle sign.

And Fang 'casually' passed by Bob's side and growled rather menacingly.

He grinned; it had taken a while to get Fang to do that on command, but it had been totally worth it.

“AH, I mean, fine! But think about the duet!”

Yeah, piss on that.

Why the hell did he keep this idiot as his manager, again?

----

“Adrien, Mlle. Bourgeois requests your presence,” Nathalie suddenly announced. “For a 'surprise'.”

“Eh?! Uh...” It wasn't that he hated Chloé, but... as of late, he wasn't exactly keen on being alone with her.

Alright, he really disliked the idea. Lately, Chloé had become clingier, more irritating... she even tried to ruin any attempt he made to be with Marinette, like at the zoo (granted, Animan would have ruined it anyway, but still...).

“Ah, well, I would but, uh, I should really go over my Chinese and–”

“Adrien. You're always asking for more time with your friends and now that I offer you the opportunity you refuse?”

Yeah, because every other time I ask is to be with Nino, Marinette and Alya!

“Ah, I just meant –”

“Also, your father already accepted, so play nice.”

…

Dammit, père.

The one time he could have used his negative...

----

“Adrichou secured!” Chloé declared, and Tikki resigned herself to having to deal with whatever harebrained scheme she had come up with this time.

“Why'd you call Adrien?”

“So he can meet Jagged Stone, of course!”

He had met him last week, right?

She would have voiced the thought, but Chloé interrupted by shoving her hand almost into her face.

“Rule of the Bourgeois number 148: have a best friend to pamper! Preferably a rich one.”

That explained a lot about the family.

“But his daddy might stop Adrien from seeing me, which is why it's good to have a back up.”

She would have liked to point out that it was likelier that Adrien's father would force him to see Chloé, but chose to concentrate on the most immediate problem.

“'Back up'?”

“Rule 72: all guys have to be crazy about you,” Chloé replied, filling up an order for a pizza with no sauce, no cheese, and gluten-free crust – and requested the pizzeria to send their cutest delivery guy. Tikki did not mention that every guy that knew Chloé ranged from growing disinterest (Adrien) to wouldn't-spit-on-her-if-she-were-on-fire (all her other classmates). “And I know just the guy!”

----

“So, you're in, yes or no?”

“You want me to create Jagged Stone's new album cover?!”

Marinette was shocked. Jagged Stone's manager had come to make her an offer she would have never considered possible.

“Requested by Jagged Stone himself! He wants you to take us in a new direction!”

“A 'new direction'?”

There was something weird in that comment.

“Here, I brought you a visual reference,” Roth said, pulling out something from his pocket.

“Oh, thank–!” She saw what was on that object and her enthusiasm dried up. “You...”

This... this didn't look like what Jagged Stone normally had in his album covers. This looked more like something XY did.

“... um, this looks a little–”

“It's what Jagged Stone wants,” Roth interrupted her.

“Are you sur–”

“What Jagged Stone wants.”

She gave the man a weird look, but with her parents' permission she went upstairs to her room, to begin working on it.

“Ugh, why does Jagged Stone want to change to this?!” she exclaimed. “It's cold, soulless, repetitive, banal. The opposite of Jagged's style and mine. But it's what I was asked to do...”

“What do your parents do with bad requests?” Pollen asked.

“My parents?”

“Mhmm!”

“Well, sometimes they give a sample of what the customer asked for just to prove how awful it is. Sometimes it makes the customer realize how bad it is.”

“Oh!”

She put her hands together as in prayer and leaned into them.

“But sometimes it makes them like it more!”

“Oh.”

----

Entering the hotel's foyer, he walked up to the desk and showed the pizza box to the receptionist.

“Pizza for Mlle. Bourgeois: Penthouse suite,” he said in a bored tone: the sooner he got out of here, the better.

“Merci,” the receptionist replied, smiling, taking the box and leaving to drop it with the client.

“Luka?”

At the sound of the voice, he turned, smiling.

“Marinette!”

“What are you doing here?” Marinette asked.

“The Grande Paris Princess ordered a pizza,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Whaaa? Chloé did?” Her face of confusion was cute, and her confusion was understandable.

“She prepaid, so it's legit,” he reassured her. “What are you doing here?”

“I have a meeting with Jagged Stone.”

He felt his jaw drop.

“Jagged Stone?!”

His favorite singer in the world? Also his dad, not that that had much of an impact in his normal life. Marinette was going to meet him?

Marinette explained how she had been requested to design the new album cover and showed it to him.

It was... unsuitable, to say the least. Marinette clearly had a deft hand, but not even she could have avoided this disaster.

“I see why you're worried,” he pointed out.

“Right?! It's... a perfume ad!”

“This 'image change' sounds sketchy. Maybe wait to hear out Jagged Stone,” he suggested. If what he had heard of Jagged Stone's manager was right...

“Okay...”

Marinette didn't look very convinced, but he knew what he could do to cheer her up a bit.

“Hey, this is my last stop. I'll give you a ride home and we can talk about it after?”

“I'll take you up on that. Thanks, Luka!” she replied, smiling.

“No problem...”

As Marinette made her way to the elevator, he quickly began to pull on his pizza delivery shirt.

Gotta get out of this lame uniform, quick!

----

Unbeknownst by Luka, Marinette was looking a tad too intently as he took off the shirt... and couldn't help but blush as she saw what he was hiding underneath.

“Ma'am, the elevator's closing,” the bellboy reminded her, and she woke up, mentally hitting herself for drifting from her Chat.

The encounter with Luka, however, had not been enough to shake off her nerves, as she showed Jagged Stone what she had created.

The man scoffed.

“How did someone as talented as you make this?”

“Um, well, M. Roth said–”

“Marinette designed what the kids want!” the manager interrupted her again. “It's exactly the direction we need.”

Jagged Stone sighed.

“Ah, I see what happened here,” he said, directing a brief glare at the older man before taking her hand. “Forget Bob, Marinette. Do it in my style, in our style!”

“Jagged, I said–”

The manager's new interruption was, itself, interrupted by Fang's angry growl.

“AHH!” Roth screeched, jumping away, while Penny giggled.

“Do your best, Marinette!”

“Y-Yes!” she replied, still overwhelmed.

----

The elevator dinged, and he turned to it as the doors opened. Marinette had been done fast with Jagged Stone!

“Marine–” The girl coming out was, most definitely, not Marinette. “Oh.”

“Mon Chouka! Here you are!”

He blinked.

“Hah?!”

Sadly, his shock gave Bourgeois the time she needed to affix herself to his arm like a limpet to a boat's hull.

“What are you doing?! Why are you calling me that?!” he asked, holding himself from swatting at the girl like he would swat flies in summer.

“I knew they'd send you, mon Chouka!” she replied, clearly not understanding the concept of 'personal space' or 'you're not welcome here' as she hugged his arm. Then she turned to look at the entrance. ���Oh, there's Adrien! Adrichou~!”

“Luka?” Adrien Agreste said, surprised.

In that moment, he understood.

“Oh, God, no.”

As if a pit had opened beneath his feet.

For some reason, this bully in the form of a girl was interested in him.

And, unlike with Marinette, he felt like this was a horrible punishment.

Today, the gods of music weren't with him, it seemed.

----

“Tonight, XY will give a live concert from the top of the Eiffel Tower,” the news anchor said, with a photograph of that sell-out's latest album on her right. “M. XY had this to say about beating Jagged Stone in sales.”

“King of Rock? More like King of the dinosaurs! He's a has-been!”

“Why you filthy little... perfume ad!” he growled. Realizing where the sell-out was, he walked up to the window and saw him standing there, in front of the door.

“Hey, Ragged Stone, if you wanna hear today's music, come to my concert! Just don't forget your hearing aid!”

That did it. He threw his tablet and grinned savagely as he saw it hit the sell-out straight in the noggin.

“STOP TRASH TALKING OUTSIDE MY HOTEL!” he shouted.

----

When the elevator door opened, Marinette became witness to a horrible sight.

“QUIT IT ALREADY!”

“Chloé, leave Luka alone!”

“But Super Chloé has a super surprise for you!”

The world's eyesore manhandling Adrien and Luka.

“What's... going on here?” she asked, confused. Luka immediately extended a hand towards her, looking as if she were his personal savior.

“Marinette, help!” Luka begged.

Alright, mark that as a definite.

“Marinette!” Adrien exclaimed, much happier than Luka.

Chloé was not happy at all, which was always nice. At least, she finally dropped Luka's arm – she saw him trying to either massage some blood back into circulation or brushing it as if it were dirty, she wasn't sure – and walked up to her.

“I didn't invite you to meet Jagged Stone! Get out of my hotel!” Chloé yelled, poking her in the chest, and she glared back.

“It's a good thing I don't need your invite to meet him,” she fired.

“Aw, ladies, don't fight over Guitar Villain!”

And there, standing on the entrance stairs, were Jagged Stone and Fang.

Or, rather, their Akumatized forms, with Jagged resembling a heavy metal band singer, and Fang now looking like a dragon.

“Jagged Stone?!” Luka exclaimed.

Marinette was much less pleased.

“What the heck, you were fine a minute ago!”

The Akuma ignored her, as he began to play his guitar.

“I'll never duet with XY because soon he won't be singing at all! Rock'n'RIP, Baby!”

His guitar suddenly shot some kind of sound blast, and Adrien grabbed Chloé and Luka, who grabbed Marinette.

“LOOK OUT!” Adrien shouted, kneeling and bringing the others down with him, dodging the blast by centimeters.

----

“Eek!” Chloé shrieked as the elevator door behind her opened. “Luka, Adrien, get me out of here!”

The two boys glanced at each other, gave a minute nod, and roughly shoved the girl into the elevator with blank faces.

“Wha–!” she screamed, before Luka 'helpfully' pressed one of the buttons, making the door close. “Hey! That's not what I meant!”

“At least now you can transform...?” Tikki pointed out.

----

“Soon there will only be fans of Guitar Villain!” Jagged shouted as he led Akumatized Fang outside the hotel, and Marinette knew she had to act soon.

I have to get away to transform!

But, as long as Luka and Adrien were with her, she would be unable to do it. He turned to Adrien.

“Adrien, try to flag down Chat Noir!”

“Okay!” he agreed, rushing away.

----

She didn't know that he needed to transform as well.

----

She turned to look at Luka.

“Luka, I'll try to find Marigold!”

“Alright!” he replied.

And then he grabbed her hand.

“C'mon, we'll cover more ground on my bike!”

What.

As Luka started to pull her towards the exit, she began to panic.

Wait, that's not part of the plan!

As both of them rushed outside, they saw that Chat Noir had already arrived. Marinette pulled out her cellphone (mostly because she knew Alya would kill her if she didn't get it) as Chat Noir and Guitar Villain began to trade insults.

“He even goes hard as an Akuma,” Luka said. “A dragon, wicked.”

“Hey Ragged Stone, your screeching's making my ears bleed!” Scarlet shouted, finally showing up.

“It's Guitar Villain, Scarlet Brat! Shocking Rift!”

A wave of sound suddenly hit Scarlet in the stomach, making her fly away.

“Oof!” she complained, as Guitar Villain turned away.

“You're wasting my time, I've got a concert to get to!”

“Hey, don't blow me off!” Scarlet yelled.

Nobody cared.

“You two should go home,” Chat Noir said, and Marinette began to sweat.

“Yeah...”

“Alley Cat!” Scarlet yelled. “Hurry up and call Bumbling Bug, my XY is in danger!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chat Noir huffed. “You would be an XY fan.”

No surprises there, Marinette thought as Chat Noir made the call. She couldn't hear it, but she knew what it would say.

“Marigold here, leave a message!”

“Here, Marinette,” Luka said, putting a helmet on her head.

“Huh,” Chat Noir mumbled, hanging up. “Weird, she's not picking up.”

Maybe she would if her friends weren't too sweet to leave her to transform!

----

Théo could easily recognize an Akuma. They wore garish clothes and makeup, looked like they'd been brought from some kind of hell, and they were prone to threaten people.

“Where's XY?!” the latest Akuma – riding a dragon, no less! – demanded out loud.

“A-At the TV station, doing his interview! I'm just here to set up the concert!”

“ARGH!” And then the Akuma prepared his guitar. “Rock'n'RIP, baby!”

While the Akuma was speaking, something tied to a rope snagged him and pulled him out of the way.

“Whoa!”

“Ugh, you again?!” the Akuma said as Chat Noir (and Scarlet Lady) brought him to safety. “I'm outta here! To the TV station, Fang!”

The Akuma flew off, and he did what he had to do.

“Oh, thank you for saving me, Chat Noir!”

Yeah, maybe Scarlet Lady had tossed the yo-yo, but he knew damn well who really called the shots here.

“EXCUSE YOU!” Scarlet Lady yelled, but he ignored her.

“No problem, Théo!” Chat Noir thanked him.

----

They had finally arrived home, and her parents had insisted on giving Luka enough boxes of pastries for a week or two. Now that he had tied them all to the bag in the back of the bike, he turned to her.

“Thanks for the ride, Luka!”

“Thank your parents for all the pastries!” Luka replied. “I'll text you after I check on Maman and Juleka.”

She had to cut that off quickly!

“A-Ah, um, my phone died so I might take a while to respond!” she said – it wasn't much of a lie, she really needed to start charging it if she didn't want to run out.

“Haha! I'm sure Alya appreciates it. See you!”

She waved goodbye at him until she was certain he was no longer looking, and then she rushed into the boulangerie.

“Pollen, omigod, Buzz On!”

“Buzz On, yay!”

----

As the assistant got done telling Alec what was going on, he turned to his interviewee of the afternoon.

“Ah, so, M. XY, turns out that Scarlet Lady says we're in danger, so we're gonna have to cut this short.”

“Who?”

… Did he not know about Paris' heroes?

“S-Scarlet Lady...?”

“Oh, yeah, the bug lady.”

----

Chat Noir watched as Alec Cataldi escorted XY outside the building, while Scar just... stalked.

“It's just a safety precaution, M. XY,” Alec stated.

“I'll get you to a safe place, XY!” Scar exclaimed.

He felt a bit sorry for the singer – he had been at that side of her attention.

Just in time, he heard the air parting in a way he was familiar with, and turned to the right to see Marigold swinging until she landed next to him.

“Sorry, sorry!” Marigold begged, her hands put together. “It was hard to get away!”

“I've been there before!” Chat Noir replied – she probably had been with her friends when the alert sounded out.

“Took you long enough, newbee!” Scar shouted.

“Uh, look, I'll just skip the concert so I'm not attacked by 'killer guitar solos', LOL,” XY said in that pretentious tone of his. “Live concerts are lame anyway, just leave it to special effects.”

“YOINK!”

It looked like this Akuma liked to be timed, because he jumped in just as XY finished speaking and dragged him away flying.

“AH!” the younger singer yelled.

“XY!”

“Aw, I just got here!” Marigold complained, as the three of them ran after the Akuma.

----

As they climbed up the Tour Eiffel (how many times had they fought an Akuma here already?), they could hear the Akuma and his target yelling from the top of the tower.

“I believe you called me Ragged Stone?! King of the dinosaurs?! A HAS-BEEN?!” Guitar Villain shouted as he forced a tied-up XY to walk the plank, while the draconized Fang flew around.

“I-I was joking!” XY replied, a tad desperate. “Please, M. Guitar Villain! We could do a duet together! In your style!”

“TOO LATE! I'll show you killer music! Seismic Solo!”

The sudden chord of struendous music shook up the entire tower – including the part where the three heroes were as they moved up. Marigold and Chat Noir flapped their arms in an attempt to not lose their balance, while Scarlet Lady just gripped one of the steel beams.

“H-Hurry up, sidekicks! XY is going to fall!” the latter shrieked above Guitar Villain's 'music'.

“D-Did you forget the dragon guarding the tower?” Chat Noir shouted back.

“So deal with him, too!”

“And what does that leave for you?” Marigold asked, angry.

“Obviously, it leaves me to suck up to XY!”

“What?”

----

Marigold noticed that the dragon had seen them, and was ready to dive against them, to either eat or capture them.

She had better things to do, though, and this was still Fang, so she knew how to stop him. The moment he approached, she swung from her perch and threw her top so the rope would twist around his mouth – and allow her to jump on his head.

“MARIGOLD!” Chat Noir shouted: she could see that he and Scarlet were hanging from his staff, hooked between crisscrossed beams.

“There, there, nice dragon!” she calmed Fang as she forced him in the right direction. “Let's go get our kitty!”

----

“Whoa...” he said. If his heart didn't belong to Marinette already...

“Show off,” Scar muttered, the hypocrite.

Marigold guided Fang to fly between beams and below them both, and with perfect timing he shrunk his staff, allowing him to drop right behind Marigold.

“You're awesome,” he said, awed, as he squeezed her shoulders, and she gave him a smug smile.

“GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!” Scar yelled.

Nobody cared.

As Marigold made a pass above the platform, he and Scar jumped down as Guitar Villain aimed at Marigold.

“Hold still and get off my dragon!” the Akuma screamed, while Marigold stuck her tongue at him.

“Now, Scar,” he ordered.

“Lucky Charm.”

The ladybugs flew out of the yo-yo, and formed a large spray can that fell on Scar's hand.

“Extreme holding spray? But my hair is already perfect,” Scar asked, confused.

“Oh! I have an idea!”

“AH!” Scar yelled, shocked at Marigold's sudden reappearance, while he became concerned with something else.

“What happened to the dragon?!”

“Um...” Marigold mumbled. “I took care of it, that's the part that matters!”

----

Marigold grabbed the can and ran at Guitar Villain, who was swinging his head to the beat of his own music.

“Too bad the heroes are gonna miss the finale!Seismic Solo!”

Before he could fire his attack, though, Marigold fired the spray, timing it so most of it would be over his face.

“Yoink!” she said, grinning, as she pulled the guitar out of his hands and dropped it to the ground.

“Agh! I can't see!” the Akuma yelled: with most of his long hair now fixed in front of his face, it blocked his line of sight.

“Um, hey, help me please!” XY begged, and Marigold threw her top once more, tying the rope around him.

“I gotchu!” she said, pulling him towards her with just the force she needed to make him land on top of the guitar that was holding the butterfly.

“Ow!”

“Thanks for your assist!”

“Watch how you treat my XY, Marimold!” Scarlet shouted.

----

After Scar purified the butterfly and Jagged Stone recovered from his foray into unwilling villainy, there was one thing he and Marigold had left to do.

“Bien Joué!” they said, bumping their fists with a smile.

“Aw, geez, what did I do to deserve all this?” XY asked.

“Oh, my poor XY! I'm so sorry for how my lackies treated you!” Scar simpered in front of XY. “I'll make it up to you, promise!”

“Huh?!” XY did seem to have the proper reaction to Scar's abhorrent admiration, which was to keep away from her. “This dude's crazy! You're crazy! I'm going home!”

“Oh!” Scar, once again, showed her complete inability to read the room. “I can take you down!”

“I'm taking the elevator, you freak!” XY yelled, running for the elevator before Scar could try to 'help' him.

It felt a bit awkward.

----

As she saw Scarlet leave with a pout for not being allowed to hold XY, it triggered something.

GAH! That reminds me, I have work to do! And homework! And I have to text Luka! And figure out a cover story! AHHHHH!

Behind her, her Chat Noir and Jagged ignored her freakout while the latter signed an autograph.

----

The next day, Marinette brought the cover she had worked during the morning, and this time Jagged smiled.

“Aw, yeah! That's the shi–!”

“JAGGED! Language!” Penny warned him, as he held the cover closer.

“And... is that leather and sweat?!” he asked, surprised.

“Ah, yes! I made a scented sticker!”

“Crazy. Awesome. Perfect.”

“Not perfect!” Roth yelled. “It's not what I–”

“Then I'm out,” Jagged interrupted.

“What?!”

“I'm sure another record company will take number 2 in sales,” the rocker taunted. Marinette watched everything with a bit of awkwardness.

Why didn't you threaten this in the first place? she pondered.

But, well, it had been a success!

----

As the elevator door opened, Joanne saw the young lady that had come by the previous day waiting to enter. She nodded at her – client or not, if she was here then she had to be important – and left, while the young lady entered and pushed the button for the entrance floor. She breathed for a moment, ready to continue her job –

“WOHOO! I can't believe it!”

“Wohoo!”

Good Lord, they nearly gave her a heart attack! (And who was that second voice, anyway?!)

----

Next day, she brought her copy of the new cover – signed by Jagged Stone! – to school, and showed it off to Alya.

“Congrats, girl! And thanks for the footage!” Alya said, smiling.

“Hee, hee!” she giggled, still giddy about her success.

“Um, hey, Marinette?”

“Hey, Adrien!” she said, turning to her friend, who was blushing a bit and holding a magazine with Jagged Stone in the cover.

“I saw you made Jagged Stone's album cover.” He pulled out a pen. “Could I... get your autograph?”

She blushed, feeling her jaw drop.

“M–Me?!”

Before she could react, Lila and Sabrina jumped between them both.

“Ooo, me too, me too!” Lila exclaimed.

“Hey!” Adrien complained as he was pushed back by the girls.

“What was Jagged Stone like?!” Sabrina asked, her eyes wide and luminous.

That seemed to attract everyone else's attention, and soon poor Adrien was forced away as their classmates crowded around Marinette.

“Will you sign my magazine?!” Rose asked.

“I can say I knew you 'back then'!” Kim shouted.

Marinette felt embarrassed for the attention she was suddenly getting.

“G-Guys!”

----

Chloé growled as she bit into her copy of the magazine she had bought. Instead of her XY – who had been really confused the previous day, what with him running away from her – it had Jagged Stone and his new album on it.

And the worst of it was, the only reason Ragged Stone had met Maribrat was last week's work experience day! She should have sent her to garbage disposal with Césaire!

“You got your lunch?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

She turned – and there he was! Along with his sister – which was a surprise, because she didn't know how someone as cute and cool as him was related to her – he was pushing his bike.

“Wanna say hi?”

“Sure, I got time.”

Oh, he was here to meet her!

Just what the doctor ordered!

----

“Mon Chouka, you came to see me!”

He turned to look at her. Who was running at him with her arms wide open.

“Wait until you hear about my morning–”

No.

Nope.

Fuck nope.

He extended his arm and grabbed her face to keep her as far away from him as possible.

Fortunately, the other person he had come to speak with came out.

“Marinette! Congrats on the album!” he greeted her, smiling, even as he struggled with her.

“Ah–!” she tried to speak, but he kept gripping her without a care for what she had to say.

“'Mon Chouka'?” Juleka asked, clearly about to laugh at him.

“Don't you fucking dare,” he told her. He knew she was going to hold it over his head for a long time, but at least he could keep her from mocking him in front of everyone else.

----

Princess Fragrance

@zoe-oneesama The real has-been here is Hawkmoth, right?

I'm sleeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyy... zzzzzzzzz...

[thessalian]

Thess vs Good Friday

Okay, please remind me never to do that again.

See, I thought I'd make a ... kind of early afternoon of it. Like, go out to the big Tesco for the pain meds and something nice for dinner etc, and then stop in Peckham on the way home to the second-hand DVD / games / electronics store there. Obviously the games not so much a thing for me, as my Gilmore doesn't have a disc drive and I can't use a controller, but I've been making it a point to start rebuilding a DVD collection. Streaming's just gone weird.

Anyway, the big Tesco was paaaaaaaaaacked. Once I got my mallet meds from the pharmacy counter, I considered just turning around and going back home because the queues were ridiculous and navigating was a nightmare. But I thought, "Well, I'm here now, so I guess I oughta". So I picked up fixings for party pork chops (which is a treat, believe me - pork got way expensive since Brexit) and some chicken mini fillets (I've got a few recipes in my "Easy Gluten-Free" cookbook that calls for those specifically) and some gluten-free soy sauce which I keep forgetting to get and some gluten-free bread because I thought a nice Sunday brunch of French toast would be nice--

...Ooh. French toast with apple bread. I should try that sometime.

Anyway, point is, I picked up a few bits and pieces, and braved the queue. One guy offered to let me go ahead of him, but he had like three items so I figured it wouldn't be worth it. But gods, it hurt. Still, I got my bits and pieces so hopefully worth it.

I debated not stopping at the second-hand place, but then I thought, eh, fuck it, let's see what's available. I mean, sure, I should be getting my copies of both versions of Flatliners today, but there's more than that. The main section wasn't giving me much, but the "Everything for £1" shelves were a gold mine. Weird, eclectic, and very-much-me collection, frankly: The Thomas Crown Affair (the Piers Brosnan / Rene Russo version), Gone With The Wind (I know it's got a bullshit take on slavery and the Civil War but a) I didn't get anywhere by only looking at one side of anything and b) it's a good piece of cinema even if you do have to watch it through the lens of "this behaviour was kind of execrable", so eh), Minority Report (more or less the same thing, except replace "objectional views of slavery" with "the existence of Tom Cruise"), Domino (the Kiera Knightley one about her being a bounty hunter), and The Woman In Black (because Daniel Radcliffe deserves way better than to be remembered for nothing more than Harry fucking Potter - I got to see him on stage in Equus and damn the man is a good actor).

Now, however, I am waiting for the regular paracetamol to kick in a little more so I can do something other than sit in this chair and flinch every time I have to move. That kind of bank holiday outing used to be just a mild annoyance for me. I hate that now it's a crippling thing.

[dreams-of-valeria]

CHAPTER TWO

| Series: The Glass Cage Epidemic | Pairing: Evan Peters OC x FOC | Warnings: Obscene language | Word count: 2,578 | Rated: Mature | Book mentioned: Piranesi by Susanna Clarke |

For the next hour or so, I couldn’t get that out of my mind. I struggled to come to grips in the beginning but by the end of my spiral, I had decided that it was just a sick joke. A man of his stature, assumingly, was embarrassed, obviously and wanted to teach me a lesson. He probably thought I’d show up exactly at 7 all eager and curious and get stood up like a chump.

Well, not this chump, pal.

And to be honest, I had forgotten about the entire ordeal come high tea time. 

It was the busiest hour for the bakery, what with all the yoga classes, Pilates, and whatever health savvy the millennials of LA did these days ending. And Ava just happened to be on leave today. But I couldn’t blame her, her IBS was flaring up. 

Although it wasn’t what I pictured when I was 10 years old and wanted to open a bakery of my own, Cleo's was IBS central. Sugar free, gluten free, locally sourced, organic, vegan, yada yada yada. Sure, it was healthy but at what cost? 

Unfortunately, I was a slave to capitalism. Envision doesn’t pay the bills. You catered to the majority’s needs. And the majority of downtown LA just happened to be inane and couldn’t wait 5 extra fucking minutes for his matcha tea.

And to think, only 10,000 years ago we were hunters in unprocessed leopard skins. Times have changed. Kind of.

I really underestimated Ava’s quiet but formidable presence. Did she creep patrons off with her cold and off putting persona sometimes? Sure. But that girl moved the walnut cookies like it was nobody’s business. They tasted vile and bitter no matter how many changes I made to the batter, but something about having nuts in confections especially in the off season really seemed to cream their pants. Ironically, we served nothing with cream. Not real cream, at least.

And she gathered tips upto half the jar too. I didn’t know how she did it. 

The tip jar today, however, was fittingly scraping the bottom. The bottommost dollar wouldn’t be useful anyway because of the remnants of chewing gum some poser thought it would be funny to drop in. 

It was a good day financially, but it was kicking my ass. Drops of sweat pooled down my chest and at the dam of my bra. I hated not being sweat free but there was just so much moving around. The muffins on display weren’t structurally pleasing enough for an Instagram post so could I please check in the back? Usually, I didn’t mind it but I was just nitpicky today. The good news was that I could just sleep it off and not feel this way the next day, hopefully.

It’s not like there was much for me to do after work anyway. I just like the change of place. My therapist once told me it was something about how I wanted to control time, and I agree. Everyday I’m frustrated that after all the leaps we’ve made in technology we’re yet to conquer time. What were the kids at CalTech doing anyway? It was long overdue. 

“I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.” 

I dragged my eyes away from the bills on the counter and at the man in front.

“I’m sorry sir, we’re a little short staff—“

It was him. The weird man from the café. Did he say he was waiting?

“Why didn’t you show up?” For some reason, all the apprehension I’d felt that noon was gone, and it was promptly replaced by scorn. Who did he think he was?

“Well I’ve been busy, as you can see,” I shrugged and directed my attention back to the receipts. Then something hit me. “Wait, how did you find me?” I asked, pointing at him with a coffee stirrer I used to pierce receipts.

“You’re a regular at the cafe. George told me where you worked,” he shifted his weight, and the line of sweaty yoga wear silhouettes peered over his shoulder. Fucking George.

“I take it you haven’t finished the book?”

“Mm hm.” I didn’t even look up, because I could feel matcha guy’s eyes burning holes into me. He was the only regular I despised. The rest were borderline tolerable. Why would I get into the business of people if I didn’t necessarily like said people, you ask? I romanticised the idea of baking too much to deal with logistics. Do what you love, right? I didn’t know if it even mattered, we were all going to be forgotten anyway. 

Speaking of forgetting, on one hand I felt bad for dismissing him so abruptly, especially now that I knew it was not a setup, but I was restless and wanted as little distractions as possible, because I kept reading the receipt over and over and wasn’t able to process it for the life of me. 

The shadow across the counter disappeared and I sighed in relief. I didn’t even have time to unravel why he was so invested in my book review. Did he mistaken me for a minor celebrity? He didn’t seem the type to be starstruck, though.

For real, why is anyone starstruck? What is it about celebrities that make people think they shit gold and lose their minds over it and want to get their signature? On strange body parts? It’s wild if you really think about it. 

Focus!

Finally processing the words dozen and GF, SF blueberry muffins, I headed for the display, when I bumped into a wall.

It felt like a wall.

Then the wall grabbed me before I could fall flat on my arse. It was him. His face wore less of a scowl and more of disappointment as he steadied me by my arm.

“You take the cash register, I'll fill the orders?” 

He asked, shrugging off the same charcoal suit jacket from noon. 

“Huh?”

“I’m a bit rusty with registers so you take that?” He repeated, pulling one of the Holly green aprons over his crisp white shirt. The movement made his cologne seep into the air around me and, well.

“Sure,” I answered, utilising the stray bowl of words at the bottom of my brain that I kept aside for non-innovative conversations that didn’t necessarily require the maximum capacity of my cognition. Which were almost all of them. But the reason now was because I was flabbergasted.

He took the receipts from my hand after a curious glance at me, and dove right into them. I watched him package the goods with expertise, like he’d been doing it for years. 

Why? What was happening? Who was this man?

Was I being pranked? Was this Ava? Because I wouldn’t use her pizza cookie idea? 

“3 gooseberry muffins, please,” chirped a toned woman in fuchsia yoga pants, who then proceeded to quite obviously check him out. And he wasn’t helping, posing like a model. Seriously, who was this man?

But I was in no position to question help when it was available to me. However inexplicably. So I went along with it.

“Your hair’s a really pretty colour,” he said flatly. It wasn’t. But of course she fell for it. What hold did attractive humans hold over the mediocre that we trusted everything out of their mouths?

He had her giggling like a schoolgirl through her thank yous.

“I’ll tell you what, if you buy half a dozen muffins, I’ll throw in a pack of walnut cookies for free.”

Um what?

“Really?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell my boss though, I can’t afford to get fired right now,” he vagrantly pointed his head in my direction, before cracking a gorgeous smile. We met eyes for a brief second and then it was all gone. Why was he doing this again?

It truly baffled me. What could he possibly hope to gain from this?

The woman promised to keep it a secret as he filled her order, leaving him a large tip. How was he better at my job after 5 minutes? It had only been a few minutes in, but we already had a smooth system going like we’d been doing it forever. The line became decadent and the air of constant mellow conversation settled in.

It was then that we finally caught a breather, and he sidled up to the counter, resting his elbow on the display case.

“I don’t remember mentioning that offer to you,” I said in hopes of starting a conversation. I didn’t care for it, but it seemed like it needed to be addressed. 

“I got her to spend more while simultaneously getting rid of the stuff no one wants.”

“How did you know no one wants them?”

“Because it’s walnut cookies,” he shrugged.

I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

Just when I framed a sentence to ask him what the heck he was doing, he beat me to it.

“I don’t mean this offensively, but do you have anything here that’s not . . .”

“Healthy?”

“Yeah,” there was that grin again, but the floor got it this time. It was like he was going to make me work for it. And he didn’t even seem like he was trying. I already felt like I had to impress him for some reason. Was this daddy issues again? I really thought I’d gotten over the whole shebang a year ago.

I retrieved the muffins I baked for the rare customers who weren’t afraid of sugar or gluten from underneath the oven and offered him one. He gave it a once over, inhaled deeply and then took a bite.

I stood up straight. Why was I looking for his approval? I didn’t even know his name.

“Did you make this?”

I could only nod.

“It’s good.” 

Did I cream my pants or was it just really hot?

“All of these as well?”

“Yep, that’s what it says on the sign outside,” I chuckled, vaguely bringing up my name in hopes that he would tell me his, shifting my feet. I didn’t want to ask him for some reason. I wanted him to tell me.

“I’ve never met a Cleopatra before.”

“I’m a Cleodora, actually.”

“Greek,” he nodded, sounding impressed. Another bite and the muffin was gone. I noticed how he didn’t speak with his mouth full. A cultured, well educated man who didn't say dude even once. Was he the prodigal son the masses speak of? Who would finally free us from the bondage of surfer dudes and palm trees and tiki torches?

“Your parents fans?”

“I think they just wanted a break from all the Kayleys with two y’s and all the other pretentious names. I’m grateful.”

“You should be, it’s a very pretty name,” he breathed and leaned his back to the counter now, arms folded. I didn’t read too much into the compliment. Not after he found standard brunette shade pretty.

“Thank you, what’s yours?” I had to give in. He wouldn’t budge.

“Kaydyn. With two y’s.”

Fuck.

“Oh,” I leaned away from the register and shifted awkwardly. Just couldn’t keep my mouth shut, huh?

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, finally gracing me with it this time. There was just so much going on that I couldn’t catch much of it. “I’m Atticus,” he said and brought his hand out for me to shake. It nearly engulfed mine. Oh, but it was so warm. I hated it when people had cold hands.

“Greek.” I commented, nodding like I was impressed myself. 

“Nah, my parents were really into To Kill a Mockingbird.”

“I take it you’re a lawyer then?” I asked, idly billing a woman’s request for a chia seed tea. Why did I even make those?

“No, just a boring businessman.”

“How’s that classified?” I asked, walking to the filter. He followed me, keeping a respectful distance.

“What’s that?”

“The woman from lunch. You told her your job was classified.”

“Do you usually eavesdrop on private conversations?” He deftly raised an eyebrow.

I froze, my hand on the filter.

“No.” I sounded so guilty, but to my relief, he smiled again.

“I’m glad you did. The conversation was brain dead so I just stuck to answers that required no follow up hoping she’d get bored and leave. I have you to thank for that.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’ll have you know, I don’t usually listen in, she was just so loud that I couldn’t get through a sentence.”

“So loud, right?” he enunciated, and that made me giggle. 

“An indirect vegan. And I thought LA couldn’t surprise me anymore.” I said, handing the drink to the woman with a smile. She tipped!

“That’s a terrible motto to live by.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s yours? Confuse strangers by demanding their book reviews?”

He was taken aback. Too on the nose?

“I can see how that was odd,” he shifted. “But I was intrigued by your take and wanted to hear more.”

“Why? There’s so many others out there with better takes.”

“But I’ve only come across you.”

I paused and looked at him. Oh?

“The women on Hinge aren’t as . . . sophisticated. No offence,” he added quickly with a hand up to show surrender. 

“And you think this is sophisticated?” I asked, gesturing around my silly little bakery. 

“Yes,” he said, and stepped closer. “And this.” 

He leaned down and I wobbled. I parted my lips slightly, out of reflex, but he moved past me to retrieve the novel I kept underneath the register. If there is a God, please don’t let him have seen that.

“You annotate,” he commented, rifling through the pages. “You have no idea how uncommon that is.”

“You’re just looking on the wrong dating apps.”

He smiled. “Oh, I’m not looking to date at all.”

?????

“Oh,” I breathed like I understood and looked away, mostly to hide my face. He didn’t want to date? Was he looking to make friends on an app famously used to hook up? Well, that was fucking adorable while also decimating to my ego.

I kept a close eye on him after that. He helped me fill a few more orders until it was time to close.

“Ah, the satisfaction of a full day’s job. Nothing beats that.” He sighed whimsically and shrugged his jacket back on.

I chuckled regardless, turning off the ovens and putting my own coat on. “Have you worked retail before?”

Why was he still here? I mean I knew why but how bad did he want this? Was I about to get murdered? Not that I’d mind getting strangled by those hands.

What?

“A lifetime ago,” he replied. Was I getting non-follow up answers now? Sensing the disdain in voice, I wordlessly counted the day’s spoils.

He seemed hesitant, but waited until I was done counting.

“Well?”

I looked at him expectantly like I didn’t know what he was referencing. But again, he wouldn’t budge.

“I’ll be ready with my priced opinion tomorrow at noon.” 

“Tomorrow? Why, what are you doing now?”

I knew I should have been insulted that he assumed I had nothing better to do, but for some reason I didn’t want to disappoint him.

“I have . . . stuff to do.”

He breathed shakily and said nothing for a minute. “Of course.”

“Only because you’d have to watch me read for a couple hours, that’s all.”

“I don’t mind.” He shrugged, a grin playing at his lips.

[talisidekick]

Ooof. I hate this and I hate I'm going to write this out again (also, hello again @wholesomequeershit , I hope you're doing well), but for those with screen readers:

First image: An article title reading "A Trans Guy's Guide To Picking Up A Trans Girl" the Author is Gabe Dunn and was published June 18th 2024. [End image description.]

Second Image: "I'd normally avoid going to someone's house or having someone to your house on a first date, but this is another point trans men have over cis men. It's not as likely that a woman would "choose the bear" over us. It's a cliché, and maybe has a dab of sexism to it that we're not percieved as the same level of dangerous as a cis man, but, hey, it's okay to use a little societal conditioning to our advantage." [End image description.]

Third Image: "... TikTok color analyst? Did you once have a heart shaped choker like that when you were a woman? Start there.

Only compliment her on what she can control. No great tits, even if they are great tits. (You can compliment those later.) For now we go to ..." [End image description.]

Fourth image: "If you do go over there to play Fallout: New Vegas, bring some seltzers or snacks. If she comes to you, have your fridge stocked. Ask her for her drink of chouce for Final Fantasy. Check if she's vegan or gluten-free. And for god's sake, vacuum up a little." [End image description.]

Fifth image: A review for the article titled "Johnny" posted June 20th 2024: "The position of this article appears to be "Trans women are women and trans men are ALSO women so it's totally chill for them to be creepy."

The unspoken corollary of "when I was a woman" that every trans woman will hear is "when you were a MAN" so don't fucking do that shit.

It's the year 2024. Hasn't everyone realized that softboi, male feminist bullshit is played out- and that the whole "man lite" thing is transphobic AF?

If you think you're a kinder; gentler, "safer" type of man by virtue of being trans.... what message does that send her about what k8nd of woman you think she is?" [End image description.]

Commenting more here on my own: at what point, and this goes of everyone, do people think psychological manipulation is not only okay, but normal and sexy to do to someone else without their knowledge or consent? Playing on someones perceptions or misconceptions about life to your advantage is fucked up. It's playing a game without the other person knowing and putting parts of their person, and their life, up as prizes to win. That's gross. That's going to make them feel gross, and not trust anyone for a very long time when they find out. Not "if", it's "when". You're not caring about them, you're using them like a fucking toy and playing and preying on their emotions.

Some of you out there are seriously so fucking immature and fucked up. Grow up and be adults.

And to the good adults out there: watch your backs. There's some immature pieces of shit out there no matter where they are on lifes ever expansive spectrum.

I'm going to go wash my mind out with soap.

They've done it, y'all.

They made T4T pickup artistry

[astrid-delacour]

more things my friends have said as marauders quotes

Barty: sperm shaped drinks are the best kind of drinks

Lily: I do what I want /DEBAUCHERY

Pandora: did you just use debauchery as tone tag

James: sleep paralysis possum

Remus: I'm like a functional alcoholic

Evan: I'm not edgy but my friend had a dream last year

Marlene: he's so basic I can't see him

Sirius: do they make foot lingerie

Sirius: you look like the grinches dog

Evan: I would never call the ace alliance it's legal name in casual conversation

Mary: your hair is the colour of the devil

Sirius: it's not gay if we both have girlfriends

Regulus: I am better at the tism cause I make the noise

Lily: who drew balls on my board?!

James: I'm like Thomas Edison and you're that welsh dude

Remus: Stalin?

Regulus: I'm mean but not detriment to dental hygiene mean

Sirius: this is the one thing the Catholic Church would back me up on

Marlene: she's so mommy, I want to use her thighs as earmuffs

James: give me the fucking magnet back you hoe

James: we do not call 12 ear olds hot in this establishment

Barty: are you a Rick or morty?

Evan: idk

Barty: I feel like you're a rick cause you're autistic

Barty: I'm a whore for jack skellington

Dorcas: I'm a whore for sally

Lily: omg we're literally the bubonic plague

James: whatever fruits your loops

Sirius: I'm not to gay for anything, except heterosexual relationships

Remus: that takes a level of common sense I don't have

Barty: I've added a sneeze for every year of my life

Sirius: "*takes dramatic bow and twirls hair like a Renaissance girl who's secretly a witch*"

Marlene: fuck you and your two prong fork I have a seven prong fork

Marlene: she's a bitch but I love her that's my opinion of her (about dorcas)

Regulus: take an IQ test rn and while you're at it take an "am I gay" quiz

Regulus: ok 1684 the men were being whores and the girls were being whores (describing his family)

Mary: can you guys stop being horny on main please? (Talking about Canada)

Lily: nothing goes harder than the electoral college at homecoming

Pandora: I'm still on my autism high

James: you never know how fast you're walking until you body check a wall

Barty: it's really hot when you hear the tortured screams of a child predator dying

James: no one pulls my leg on leg day

James: thank sweet cheesus

Dorcas: it's a requirement

Evan: THATS A LIE. That is a LIE

Dorcas: it definitely is....

Evan: sweet lord Jesus

first year: vou have to come vou stand in line and have chicken fingers

Dorcas: I'm signing you up for Tuesday

Evan: I hate you

(In a baby voice) Sirius: I'm wubber wou're gwue what ever bounces off me stwicks to WOU

(Also baby voice) Marlene: jwokes on wou I'm cement *closes door and leaves*

Sirius: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!? MARLENE! MARLENEEEE

James: so we've got a white a black and a Hispanic. I love cultural diversity 

Mary: ohhhh so he PlaysTM golf

Mary: right person wrong time except by wrong time you just don't like him and right person you mean he's ugly

Mary: I hot girl summered a little too close to the sun

Lily: you would put an e minor in there

Mary: Marlene needs to be spayed

Marlene: you're like garage band

Dorcas: Lily I think my song is killing Marry

Lily: good

Lily: it needs a little more work and by a little I mean I haven't started it

Dorcas: this is not a no judgement zone, this is a very judgement zone

Sirius: dairy-free, gluten-free, uhh vegan-free, it's all the frees

Dorcas: how self sabotagey are we feeling today

James: .... functionable

Peter/Remus: what? did you just say functionable?

James: ....veah

Peter: it's functional

James: seriously?!?!

Remus: yeahhhh

James: I was homeschooled ok!

Remus: how long have you been saying it like that?

James: anyways...

Dorcas: I'm not getting that sappy! They don't deserve that!!

Mary: your eyebrows are like 3 business days from your eyelids

Marlene: that is the bassiest bass

Mary: sometimes you just have to accept the crack

Peter: James would be a court jester

Pandora: that's very hannon-y

Pandora: like power ballad but make it cats

Lily: how loving should be as easy as ...?

Marlene: COW

Marlene: like cow eat grass

Mary: loving should be as easy as 'insert metaphor here'

[neon-vocalist]

Hinata and Asaki and Nobu and Momnata teehee

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of theirs

💤 A headcanon about their sleep

🫂 A friendship headcanon :)

💔 An angsty headcanon

🪢 A headcanon about their family

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies

🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence

🌟 A headcanon about their desires/wishes

🍫 A headcanon about food

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them.

😶 A random headcanon!

You don’t have to do all of them 😭😭😭 I just I just

this is going under a cut because holy fucking shit. @interesteddisaster

Hinata

🧸 - When she was little, she couldn’t pronounce her name right, so a lot of people thought it was Hinana for like a really long time

👻 - Irrational fear of ducks

👽 - Does not swear ever. Makes everyone want to cry with the words she uses as replacements.

💤 - She has been able to lucid dream since she can remember and can’t figure out how to turn it off.

🫂 - You know this, but I want Tumblr to know this, so. She and Asaki first became sort of friends in early elementary, when Asaki pushed Haruto off a swing so she could get on. This was not because he liked her (he still hated her), but because he hated Haruto more.

💔 - Can’t seem to convince herself she’s a good person so she works herself half to death trying to do the best thing for everyone on a personal and global scale (while neglecting herself in the process). Positive she doesn’t deserve anything she has.

🪢 - Considers Tomomi and Asaki her brothers :)

📓 - LOVES those DIY craft videos. Her house is full of little DIY soaps and lip glosses and stuff.

🔪 - Runs people over with her wheelchair out of affection

🌟 - Wants to change the world and inspire people. Preferably through music or theatre.

🥇 - Best at… being a good sister :)

🍫 - Vegetarian! Tried to be gluten free & vegan in her past but it Did Not work. Girlie LIVES on pasta.

🎭 - Doesn’t like to lie, but when she does, it’s usually to protect someone else, and it’s as close to the truth as she can make it.

🖕- Never lets herself get angry. She’ll have one (1) vaguely upset thought about someone and then be like “I do not have all sides of the story. I will give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s probably my fault anyway. I am not allowed to be upset over this.”

😬 - She once sabotaged every other sprinter in a race so Asaki could win, since he was feeling really bad about himself and she wanted to cheer him up. Caused two broken legs on two different people. Never got caught.

😭 - I genuinely can’t figure this out. I have a vague idea but no details and either way it hasn’t happened in plot yet :)

😶 - Makes homemade candy and gives it to people. Can’t cook anything else. Everyone is BAFFLED as to how she’s mastered the handling of 300° sugar but can’t make a sandwich.

Nobu

🧸 - Does not remember his childhood (hmm, I wonder why /s) [his backstory hasn’t been fully fleshed out yet but it’s gonna be so bad]

👻 - Afraid of everything → tries to act like he’s not → fails miserably→ reads scientific papers about it until he’s less scared

👽 - Little guy is ENTIRELY weird quirks, like, there’s not a normal thing about him. He believes he’s a 17th century philosopher reincarnated. I don’t know why. He’s so weird.

💤 - Does not sleep ever. If he does, it’s on the floor. Has to be bribed by Hinata to use his bed (bribery often does not work).

🫂 - Has imaginary friends to make up for lack of irl friends. He doesn’t like calling them “imaginary friends” though. He says it’s childish, so he calls them acquaintances from his past life.

💔 - Absolutely TERRIFIED of going back into the system. Still doesn’t quite feel safe at home, still finds himself with urges to mask and hide and act normal to make sure Momnata doesn’t decide she’s sick of him.

🪢 - Has lived with the Suzuki family for five years. Before his adoption he can’t remember much, but sometimes he is reminded of a little boy just a few years older than he is, who taught him first how to walk and then how to love.

📓 - He doesn’t play any instruments, but taught himself to read all forms of music notation anyway. He creates those sheet music art pieces of his favourite birds.

🔪 - This kid does not have a single violent bone in his body. Sorry.

🌟 - Doesn’t know what he wants to do yet, but probably something very technical, scientific, and too confusing for anyone else too comprehend. May end up one of those crazy reclusive mathematicians who spends decades on one problem.

🥇 - Best at overthinking

🍫 - Loves to cook. Will cry if he makes something for you and you don’t like it.

🎭 - Absolutely the most brutally honest little asshole you will ever meet. Unaware of lying as a concept. Never heard the word before in his life.

🖕- Writes aggressive letters to the mayor &/or specific companies’ CEOs when he discovers social or environmental injustices. None of them ever get answered

😬 - Poisoned someone

😭 - Hehe :)

😶 - Spills all of Hinata’s secrets to her new friends, even the really embarrassing ones. Also, unrelated: idolises Asaki to a concerning level. Also also, takes EVERYTHING personally.

Asaki

🧸 - Childhood? What childhood?

👻 - He’s scared of a lot of things but has been taught he can’t show it. When Tomomi came around he wanted to strangle it because he was so afraid of Hinata abandoning him.

👽 - There’s nothing normal about this man. He needs therapy so so bad. But like… he’s really superstitious. Will cry if you break a mirror.

💤 - Can’t sleep a lot of the time. Struggles to get to sleep because of paranoia and struggles to stay asleep because of nightmares. Ends up having a lot of late night talks with Nobu.

🫂 - Has only had one friend ever (Hinata). Will bite scratch maim kill if he thinks there’s a threat to her or to their relationship.

💔 - This guy’s entire backstory is angst but uhh… eventually he starts feeling really bad about how he treated Tomomi which makes him start spiralling and pushing everyone away CERTAIN he doesn’t deserve to be loved

🪢 - When Momnata finds out what he’s going through at home, she works with some higher-ups to get him legally removed from his home. In the meantime, she just illegally adopts him. Extended sleepover starts now.

📓 - Speaks 10 languages plus conlangs, fluent binary & Morse, and multiple coding languages. Can play 8 instruments. Both these things may or may not be coping mechanisms.

🔪 - Punches people who hurt (intentionally or accidentally) Hinata, Nobu, or Naomi. Has punched Tomomi four times.

🌟 - Just wants to feel safe somewhere. Secretly wishes for the death of his father. Nobody knows about either of these things.

🥇 - Best at being a sad little train wreck of a human being. Does pretty impressive coding stuff, too, I guess.

🍫 - Doesn’t eat much. Could not give less of a shit about food. Eats what’s easiest because he has to.

🎭 - Lies a lot about a lot of things. Works with Hinata to stop lying a lot about a lot of things. Still struggles to tell people the truth about how he’s doing.

🖕- Uses anger to conceal all other emotions. Gets really pissed really easily. Goes straight to “fuck you fuck you bite scratch kill” immediately instead of any effort at communication or repair. Nobody is surprised why he has no friends.

😬 - Does punching Tomomi in the face (with his prosthetic) count?

😭 - There are genuinely so many things I could say for this one, but uhh… he once had to hide his sister and mom underneath the porch floor from his dad because he was threatening to kill them. Bad hiding spot. Only he and his mom made it out alive.

😶 - Is literally the only reason Hinata isn’t completely failing English.

Momnata

🧸 - Used to love those huge rainbow swirl lollipops. Got one for every holiday. Would collect the sticks. Still has some somewhere.

👻 - Has a lot of secrets. Afraid someone’s gonna find them out and ask questions and then she’ll lose everything.

👽 - Not really a quirk, more of a?? Talent?? But since her students work with dangerous acids, chemical waste, and sometimes fire, if someone screams/yells/makes any sort of shocked or afraid noise, she is going to be at their side in less than 5 seconds. Girl will jump over tables if need be. She is MAKING SURE that nobody’s gonna get chemically wasted on her watch.

💤 - Yells at her children all the time about the importance of a full night’s sleep (9 hours and 27 minutes for teens). None of them listen.

🫂 - Her closest friends are the lady she shares a classroom with & the other science department teachers. Often works with them to try and make things easier for struggling students.

💔 - Often has to sit and watch while her kids battle through things she doesn’t know how to make better. Kind of breaks her heart but she can’t do anything about it.

🪢 - Was married to Asaki’s dad before she realised what an ass he was and left with a significant amount of his fortune. Stole his son 14 years later.

📓 - Really good chemist! Adores Nobu’s interest in cooking and Hinata’s interest in creating cosmetics because it means they could one day follow in her footsteps (they will not).

🔪 - Did boxing in high school and has to restrain herself from physically harming people when she sees them harassing others.

🌟 - Just wants the best for her kids (Asaki and her students count as her kids).

🥇 - Best at giving big hugs and making good soup

🍫 - Absolutely happy to let Nobu take over cooking dinners. Has given up on trying to oversee his use of dangerous tools.

🎭 - Tells lies & breaks rules in favour of her students on occasion. Will cover for them if they need more sleep, a snack, a night off, whatever.

🖕- Gets so so angry at some of the ways her students are treated. Can’t do much about it though. Has many voice memos on her phone that are just her screaming.

😬 - From a legal standpoint? The snatching of Asaki’s dad’s money and children. From a moral standpoint… refusing to tell Asaki and Hinata just how close they really are. For selfish reasons. Ough.

😭 - “Was in a pretty abusive relationship in high school. Yikes.” (Apparently that’s all Sunnie has to say on the matter so that’s all you’re getting).

😶 - Will sponsor anyone’s therapy except her own. Does not think anything could be wrong with her. Consistently invalidates Hinata’s anxiety, OCD, and autism because of this.

[dycefic]

Have An Evil Day

No prompt this time, just a sequel to ‘Welcome To Evil-Mart’

Working at Evil-Mart is usually… well, it’s retail. It’s physically exhausting, you have to deal with a lot of idiots without being overtly rude, and your feet hurt. Even though the hours and pay are very good, the benefits are great, and our bosses treat us well compared to most retail employees, it’s still not what I’d call a fun job.

But it’s not what I’d call dull, either. Especially not on days like today.

I was promoted to supervisor after the Food Poisoning Incident, so I have a little more authority and a little less obligation to be pleasant and I got issued a weighted cosh because sometimes Evil-Mart customers get… feisty. I’d never had to use it, though, because those who hadn’t seen what I did to Majority Rules, either in person or on one of the cell-phone videos that circulated afterwards, had at least heard about it.  They didn’t give me any trouble.

I was halfway through my shift, and the worst things that’d happened had been running out of croissants and a machine oil spill in Aisle Seven, when our greeter pressed the alarm button, which sent an alert to my handset. As front-end supervisor, that meant me, so I went over. Sam, who is unusual in the henching community for having actually aged out rather than ‘being retired’ jerked his chin in the direction of a tall, swaggering figure. “He just came in,” he whispered.

I did a full double-take before I took it in. Superdyne. Fucking Superdyne.

We’d all heard about his dramatic heel-turn a couple of months ago. The whole world had heard about it. Superdyne, who’d skated closer and closer to the line for years, had decided to cross it in a blaze of bloodshed. He was a villain now, he said. There’d been a whole speech about how ingratitude had driven him to it blah blah blah.

I work at Evil-Mart. I’m from a hench family. If someone becomes a supervillain because they hate Mondays or want to turn us all into dinosaurs or whatever, I don’t judge. I will sell depth-charges and laser guns to anyone who can prove they’re over eighteen without hesitation. But even we get kind of grossed out by the ‘I am forced to turn evil because I haven’t been given enough love’ thing. People who are actually so fucked up by emotional abuse or neglect or some superhero killing their family, we’re fine with them. But they don’t say that’s why they do it, and most of them need a lot of therapy to even realize it. People who actually say that’s why are entitled dickwads.

And now the dickwad had walked into Evil-Mart like he was entitled. Like he thought he was one of us.

“Lockdown protocols,” I told Sam quietly. “On my authorisation.” That takes a minute or two, though, so I went over to talk to Superdyne. “Sir, I have to ask how you even knew where to find this place.”

He smirked at me. “I have my ways,” he said smugly. He’d either bribed or beaten someone, that was my guess. “So this is where the villains shop? We all thought you went to Wal-Mart.” He laughed, like he thought it was clever.

“Yes, so you all say,” I said dryly. I didn’t feel like pretending he was the first person to make the bad joke. “My next question, sir, is what made you think it was a good idea to come in here.”

He spread his hands. “I’m one of you now!” he said happily. “I’m a bad guy! So now I guess I shop where the bad guys shop!” He looked around, frowning a little. “Although I was expecting more weapons and explosives. A… more villainous atmosphere. I didn’t know Evil-Mart had fresh produce.”

“I don’t advise buying herbs here unless you’re a magical practitioner. Some of them have… unusual effects.” A lot of our produce is normal stuff, but some of it not only isn’t legal, it doesn’t exist anywhere else.

“Oh. Well, that makes sense. But the bright lights and the bakery?”

“We have excellent gluten-free breads. In many ways, Superdyne, this is just another store. We have sales, we mark down the breads in the afternoon, we even have a PA system.” I pulled out my handset, and thumbed the button that tied it to the PA. “Attention, shoppers,” I said in my most soothing Customer Service voice, which made him grin. “Evil-Mart wishes to inform you – “ The countdown on my handset reached zero, and I turned to look at the entrance as a huge blast door thudded down. That was the last part of the sequence – staff outside the area were already in lockdown and security were on their way. I smiled, and continued almost without a pause. “- That we are in lockdown at this time, due to the presence of Superdyne in the store. Please remain calm, and be advised that security are on their way to deal with the problem. If you have a personal grudge that you wish to address with Superdyne at this time, he is standing near Register Six with a stupid expression on his face.”

He was staring at me, stunned. “But… but…” he stammered, and damned if he didn’t look puzzled. “But I’m one of you now!”

“No,” I said flatly. “You were always evil, that’s true, but you’ll never be one of us. And for the record, I’m one of the people with a personal grudge. All those henchmen you’ve killed and maimed had families, asshole… and they all shop here.”

He swung at me, then, but I spent years in hench training. Even someone super-strong can be dodged, and once I slammed my cosh into his groin a few times his punches got a lot more aimless. Around then, Tiger Ty came over the register, claws out and snarling, and I figured I should stand out of the way.

About ten minutes later, I turned on the PA again. “Clean-up to Register Six,” I called, in the same special voice. “Category 7, class three. Shoppers, please be advised that lockdown is now lifted but Register Six will be closed until clean-up is completed.”

Hunter, who’d been working Register Six, came out from underneath it. He looked a little green. Well, he was still in his teens, this was probably his first fatal mobbing. “What’s Category 7?” he asked in a shaky voice. “I haven’t heard that before.”

“Biohazard.”

“Oh. Class three?”

“Send three people. He was a juicy one.” I stepped away from a spreading puddle of blood. “Run and get a couple of caution signs we can put around this mess.” I eyed it measuringly. “And one of those fifteen-gallon plastic tubs with a lid, I’ll damage it out.”

He eyed the mess. “Are you sure that’s big enough?”

“Yeah, the average human is only about seventeen gallons by volume, and I’m not going to put all the blood and mush in there, just the big pieces.”

He gulped. “Ah. Yes, ma’am.”

I called after him when he ran off. “One of the black tubs, not a clear one!” Which honestly should only be common sense, but you can’t count on a flustered teenager to have common sense.

We frown on killing customers at Evil-Mart, up to a point… but when a particularly murderous super-hero walks into our store, well, that’s something else. I’d have to fill out a ton of paperwork, though.

I had to chase off one of Doctor Malign’s minons and two members of the Genetic Reign before the clean-up crew arrived, both of whom urgently wanted samples. In the end I scraped a few pieces of liver and unidentified organ into two of the bags we use for possibly-contaminated money just to make them go away. (They’re good customers, and it was just going to go in the trash anyway.)

By the time the clean-up was done, all the big pieces were boxed up, and I’d finished the paperwork, my shift had been over for twenty minutes, and I’d been asked to come up to the boss’s office.

“Listen, I have no issues with how you handled the situation, I want you to know that.” Mr Trent leaned back in his chair, tapping his fingertips together. “It was quick, it was efficient, and… given your personal history with Superdyne, not to mention mine and that of half of our customer base… richly deserved.”

“Yes, sir,” I said. It came out too meek, and I cleared my throat and straightened up. It’s hard not to be intimidated by Mr Trent, when you’re in the same room with him. It’s not his fault, and he does his best, but even under the strictest control his fear-inducing powers tend to unsettle anyone who gets too close. We all know he’s not doing it on purpose and we try not to show our reactions. “Do you have any orders regarding the remains?”

“Doctor Order wants them.” He rubbed his chin. “Get someone from the pharmacy to prepare samples for him, please, including brain tissue. He’s our primary supplier, and we can’t offend him. As for the rest… as you know, I’m retired, and I don’t usually participate in the Endless War.” One of his hands dropped to his left thigh. His prosthetic leg is some of Doctor Order’s best work, but the injury that led to his retirement had been brutal even by our standards. “But this is different. Superdyne came here. To our place of safety. We need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

I nodded. “Do you want the remains dumped somewhere public? Some kind of dramatic display?”

“No. Something more direct.” He rubbed his chin again, then tapped the intercom on his desk. “Iris, please send up Miss Fedorova from Marketing and Mr Levy from the warehouse.”

“Yes, sir,” Iris responded, and he clicked off the intercom again.

“The three of you worked together very well, during the food poisoning incident,” he explained. “And I believe they can assist us in a satisfactory conclusion.” He hesitated, then smiled ruefully. “Perhaps you should wait outside until they get here. I can tell I’m unsettling you.”

“Sir, I know you’re not – “

“Not doing it on purpose.” He sighed. “I do appreciate how hard you all work to make me feel… accepted, I really do. But I’m very annoyed right now, which makes control more difficult for me, so I think we’d both be more relaxed if you waited outside while I do my meditation exercises.”

I waited outside. When the three of us went into his office again, the miasma of low-level fear was definitely a bit lighter, and he smiled. “All right. Now, this conversation is going to be very confidential, and I will remind you all of the agreements you signed when you were employed.” We all chorused agreement, and he nodded. “Good. Now, this is very much a secret, even among Evil-Mart staff, but we do have a few online clients who are… ah… on the other side of the fence.”

Ms Fedorova blinked. “What?”

Knuckles sighed. “We ship to a few heroes,” he explained. “The ones who are… less homo than sapiens, if you get my drift.”

I didn’t, and from her expression Ms Fedorova didn’t either. Mr Trent spread his hands, drawing our eyes to his fingers. Which as a rule nobody looks at, because there’s fourteen of them, with four joints in each finger, and we know he’s self-conscious about it. “The less… purely human ones,” he said quietly. “One of the reasons I created Evil-Mart was to give those who can’t pass for human, like me, a place to be… people. To have dignity. So that the obligate carnivores weren’t reduced to living on pet-food or scavenging for scraps, so that those with complex metabolisms could get the supplements they need so that people who are still people, for all their outward differences, could shop in safety. There are a great many more monsters, demigods, abominations of science and other non-standard persons among our set than among the heroes, and I wanted to meet their needs, as well as selling weapons and Lair-away-from-home sets and so on.”

“And there are a few heroes who order from us for that reason,” Knuckles added. “The ones who can’t get medications to suit their metabolism, or need to eat things that you can’t get easily anywhere else.”

I nodded, because that much I understood. We have some very esoteric ‘dietary supplies’ that start with fresh, healthy, well-treated and disease-free prey animals frozen whole (from mouse up to calf and goat kept in stock, larger sizes by pre-order, halal and kosher certified where possible) and end with human blood (rejected blood bank stock mostly, we have an arrangement), and human flesh and organs (sourced from hospitals, morgues and crematoriums, guaranteed no murder, at least not by us). “Well, I suppose that makes sense. I’m surprised we ship to them, though.”

“Oh, they don’t know we know. It’s all assumed names and secret bank accounts.” Knuckles grinned. “But Mr Trent has all our online customers identified before we ship. And for the ones who don’t have any other options, well… we let it slide.”

“I can see why you don’t want that to get out.” Ms Fedorova tapped her chin. “What does this have to do with disposing of the body? I was planning to set up a really ghoulish display in a public place somewhere, I already have some sketches.” Marketing for Evil-Mart is… well, it includes more than designing our sale flyers.

“No. We’re going to deliver them to a hero… one of the ones who owes us… and make it very clear that just because someone decides to admit he’s a villain, that doesn’t make him one of us and it doesn’t entitle him to union services,” Mr Trent said flatly. “I want to make it crystal clear to all of them that a heel turn does not mean their sins are forgiven, or that we will accept them as anything other than a very brief amusement.”

Late that night – we were all on overtime, but it couldn’t be done in daylight – we wheeled a cart down the run-down hallway of a shoddy apartment building. “This is a terrible address for a hero,” Ms Fedorova muttered. “Are we sure he lives here?”

“I deliver here a couple of times a month.” Knuckles was pushing the cart. “I’m sure.”

“Okay.” Ms Fedorova cleared her throat, coughed once or twice, and suddenly her voice was deeper and her very faint Russian accent was as thick as pea soup. “This is intimidation tactic,” she said, grinning toothily. “Do not act surprised.”

I knocked on the door, but let Knuckles do the talking. “Delivery, Mr West,” he called, using the fake name the guy had been giving.

It worked… the door was unlocked and opened almost immediately. “I scheduled the order for next – “ the mark said, and then we were pushing inside, slamming the door behind us.

“Do not be alarmed, Mr… Dinoid, is it?” Ms Fedorova said, folding her arms. “Evil-Mart is knowing all along your real identity. But you are needing to eat, and we are not turning down regular business, so we make no trouble.”

Knuckles rolled his eyes behind her back at how much she was hamming it up, but I waved a hand. Let her have her fun. So Knuckles started unloading the boxes onto the table while she talked. “First, your Budget Bunny Box. Your favourite, da?” The next box, smaller, plunked down. “Two fresh chickens, halal certified, healthy and having lived good life, gift for good customer.” Knuckles dumped the plastic tub on the floor. “And mortal remains of Superdyne, with note.”

Dinoid was staring at us, but that made him shift into a combat stance, his long claws spread. “The… Superdyne’s dead? And in there?”

“Well. Most of him. The big pieces.” Ms Fedorova shrugged an impressively Russian shrug. I hadn’t even known that was a thing, but when she did it, it was obvious. “You must understand, when a mob tears a man apart, it is hard to find every little piece.”

“I’m pretty sure Doctor Malign and the Genetic Reign took off with doggy bags,” I said, as if I hadn’t handed them over myself. “And Doctor Order probably has some of him too, by now. So looking out for clones would be a good idea, I don’t know if that’s in the note.”

Insofar as that reptilian face could show readable expressions, he looked shocked. “Why on earth would… why? He changed sides? And why did you bring him to me?”

“We know your address, we know you don’t want to turn us in because we’re the only ones who can supply your meals, and our boss wanted us to make this very clear.” I indicated the note. Since Ms Fedorova was hamming up her Sexy Russian Supervillain act, and Knuckles was very obvious Muscle, I figured it was on me to be the Reasonable One. “He might have stopped being a hero, but that didn’t make him one of us. That didn’t make him acceptable to us. Our boss wants it made very clear that your failures shouldn’t expect to be accepted by us… or even spared by us.”

He shifted slowly, the tip of his tail twitching. “I… see. I understand why you would reject Superdyne. He was notorious for killing and maiming people on… your side. But I know other defectors have been accepted. Philomel, for example.”

“Philomel was child of villains. She is young, she is rebellious, she sides with heroes for a while.” Ms Fedorova shrugged. “Is understandable, da? The young do foolish things. She comes home, all is forgiven.”

He nodded slowly. “Tenebrous?”

“That story I don’t know.” Ms Fedorova glanced at me.

I nodded. “Tenebrous was just a kid. He was twelve when Varide recruited him. Nineteen when he broke with the guy. Varide put a kid into combat, left him with massive PTSD, then ditched him when he had a breakdown and went too far. Mx Frantique at least made sure he had a safe place to stay and some therapy.”

“It’s happened a few times.” Knuckles rested his elbows on the cart’s handles, his inhumanly big, strong hands dangling. “But there’s a process. A system. If someone’s sponsored by a villain in good standing, like Frantique sponsoring Tenbrous, they can be accepted. Nobody gets to just choose to join. Especially not a smug, entitled prick like Superdyne.”

Ms Fedorova suddenly leaned forward, scowling. “And why are you called Dinoid? You are not dinosaur. You are clearly monitor lizard. Golden monitor, I think.” She reached out and prodded his arm. “And not healthy, either. Look at colouration! You do not keep environment humid enough. Are having trouble with shedding, da?”

Now we were all staring at her. “You’re a lizard expert now?” Knuckles asked.

She shrugged. “What? Is hobby. Mamma’s little Varanus Acanthurus are pride and joy. Sadly, cannot keep larger monitors in city. Is unkind.”

Dinoid ran a hand over his head slowly. “Not many people realize,” he said slowly. “That’s why I order from you guys. I used to get frozen… food… from a pet supplier, but then I got contacted by someone who told me there was another option.”

“Is good thing. Those pet suppliers, they are rogues. They do not keep animals healthy, can get diseases or mites from those things.” Ms Fedorova sniffed. “I would never buy from them. My babies would get sick.”

He actually chuckled, then, seeming to relax a bit. “You’re not wrong. After… this happened… I got really sick a couple of times before I figured out what to eat, and where to get it. And even the reputable suppliers don’t always have the healthiest stock.” He opened his mouth wide, making a gagging noise. “You have no idea how bad that ‘reptile food’ is. Eating whole animals may be a little disgusting, but it’s nothing to some of that stuff.”

“I believe it,” I said emphatically. “There’s a reason Evil-Mart has such an extensive pet-food line. The horror stories we hear from some of our customers… well, you’d believe it, I bet, but most humans just look confused.”

Knuckles nodded, and spread his hands. “People who can’t pass for regular humans… or even for people, the way most normies see it… are a lot more common on our side of the fence than yours. That’s why we delivered to you. We figured you really needed it.”

“Does he order from the pharmacy?” Ms Fedorova was around behind him now, examining his back. “He is having calcium deficiency, am betting. He needs nutritional supplement.”

“I take a nutritional supplement,” he said defensively.

“The one for normal-sized lizards is not enough for man-sized monitor/human hybrid,” she said firmly. “Check pharmacy section next time. We are having excellent selection of supplements for hybrids, and chart to tell you how much to take for body-mass.”

He looked back and forth between the three of us. “You people are… not what I would have expected from an evil supermarket.”

“We may be… morally challenged,” I said, shrugging, “but we’re not heartless.” I looked around his tiny, shabby apartment. “Unlike some of your lot. I thought you were on a team. Why are you living here?”

He ducked his head. “I couldn’t live at the base,” he said, his tail drooping. “My… I made people uncomfortable. And the stipend isn’t much.”

“Isn’t much? With the merchandising deals they have?” Ms Fedorova sounded shocked, and the accent had dropped back a lot. “I know for a fact that if the accountants ever got hold of their books they’d owe more in back taxes than… well, than Evil-Mart would if our illegal product arm ever got discovered. And we pay our taxes on the legitimate stuff scrupulously.”

Dinoid blinked rapidly, though I couldn’t tell whether he was more surprised by her suddenly dropping her act or the idea that Evil-Mart pays taxes. “You do?”

“Of course. Not under that name, of course, there’s a shell company.” She sniffed. “All villains do. Al Capone, you know. We’re not getting caught that way again.”

Knuckles and I both nodded when he looked at us, and he shook his head. “Huh. Makes sense, I guess.”

“It does.” I looked around again. The place really was crappy. “I know it’s a personal question, Mr… West, but under the circumstances I’d like to know… how much is that stipend?”

He looked down at the floor for a while, then cleared his throat. “Uh. $1100 a month.”

We all stared at him. Ms Fedorova’s mouth fell open. Knuckles looked shocked, and I was horrified. “$1100 a month?!” I asked, my voice coming out louder than I’d intended. “For risking your life on a superhero team?! I have teenaged cashiers working part-time who make more than that!”

He looked almost as startled as we did. “For working a cash register?!”

“Evil-Mart pays pretty good.” Knuckles shrugged. “But that stipend is disgusting.”

“You are being exploited,” Ms Fedorova said, sounding really aghast. “That is terrible. Why, baseline henchman pay is twice that, and there are danger bonuses and…” Her voice dropped suddenly. “You don’t have a union, do you?”

“A union? Of course we don’t have a…” He trailed off. “You mean you do?”

“Of course we do. An extremely well-armed one.” Ms Fedorova folded her arms. “Henchmen And Allied Industries has represented us for generations. The last time a supervillain executed a union henchman for failure, he was boiled in oil… literally. On camera. Oh, of course some of the less reputable villains just pick up small-time trash from the streets, untrained rabble from the gangs and so on, so they can treat them as disposable, but we union members are skilled workers, with rights and protections. I bet you don’t even get overtime.”

“Of course not. Crime happens when it happens, and we have to…” He trailed off. “You guys get overtime?”

“We’re getting double time and a half for this conversation. And an extra day off.”

His eyes widened again. “Really? Wow, that’s… even when I was working a regular job, before this, I didn’t get pay like that.” He looked down at his hands and bared his teeth in what looked like an unhappy expression. “And now I can’t work anything but this kind of job. People don’t like having a scary dinosaur in their restaurant.”

There was a long pause.

“You can cook?” Ms Fedorova asked carefully.

“Yeah. I worked in my parents’ restaurant before… this.” He gestured at himself. “They were killed when we were attacked, and I was… changed.”

We all looked at each other. “After you’ve returned Superdyne’s remains to whoever you consider appropriate,” I said, grabbing a notepad and scribbling down my number, “I’d like you to give me a call. Evil-Mart is always hiring in the bakery and deli, and I mean always. Most bad guys aren’t great cooks. We don’t know why, it just seems to be one of those things.”

“You want me to join the bad guys?”

“I want you to work in a bakery. Villains and henchmen need to eat, and so do their families. Nobody’s going to ask you to rip superheroes in half, just maybe make a sandwich that won’t give anyone food poisoning.”

“That’s a regular concern?”

“Six months ago the three of us ran Evil-Mart’s physical store completely unassisted for most of a day because the only people who weren’t down with food poisoning were the ones who’d had the vegetarian and kosher meals.” I shuddered at the recollection. “Trust me. Someone who can cater staff functions without a major disaster would never have to live in an apartment like this working for us.”

“And we get full benefits, including dental.” Knuckles was shaking his head. “I bet you don’t even get hospital.”

“What hospital would take me? I always figured I’d go to the zoo and talk to the vet if – “

Ms Fedorova actually put her arms around him. “You,” she told him firmly, “are going to resign your terrible exploitative job, and then I will personally sponsor you to the union immediately. I have a spare room. You will like it. Humidity and temperature can be set just how you like, and Mamma Yelena will take you to real doctor expert in health of hybrids.”

“Those exist?” he asked, sounding a bit overwhelmed.

“Yeah, the Genetic Reign has like three of them,” I said sympathetically. “Listen, you can take some time to think it over, but you don’t have to put up with this kind of exploitation just because you don’t look human. Nearly a third of Evil-Mart’s staff can’t pass, and they’re treated just like everyone else.”

Superdyne’s dramatic demise got a lot of news coverage. Apparently it came as a real shock to the ‘good guys’ that there were some monsters even the superest villains wouldn’t embrace.

Dinoid no longer exists. Ismail Jameel works at Evil-Mart, and has expanded our fresh food lines a lot already. He’s a nice guy, and after Ms Fedorova told everyone how disgustingly he’d been exploited by those so-called ‘heroes’, he was welcomed with open arms. Literally, in at least one case – he’s dating someone from the warehouse, I’ve heard, though I don’t know who. He says we should rename the store, because we suck at being evil.

But evil is a really relative term. It can mean the blackest depravity, or a moment of viciousness, or even just ‘people on the other side’. Evil-Mart is called that because everyone, at least everyone on our side, is welcome. Plus, we all think it’s funny that the least-evil megacorporation is called ‘Evil-Mart’. What can we say? Bad guys have a sense of humour too.

Have an evil day!

[bad-science]

Gonna give a disclaimer up top that I am not encouraging anyone to do this especially not if you have very severe allergic reactions. I probably shouldn’t have done this either but it’s too late now. Don’t be dumb about ur life.

Ok when I was a kid I had a fair few allergies. They were broad too, all dairy, all gluten, eggs, peanuts, and for some reason I also rly hated meat as a kid and it made me feel gross but that didn’t show up on a test. And I’ve never liked fish. Nothing was deadly, but I would get terrible bed-ridden flu symptoms for like 2 weeks at a time and then a lingering cough that could last for months, a few times for a whole year which is wild to remember.

So basically I was mainly eating fruits and vegetables and Some Meat when I stomached it, raw nuts (no peanut oil), and like, gluten free grains. I was pretty happy with this but you know what they say abt white folks and cheese. Yogurt too, there’s some good non dairy yogurts in the USAmerican markets NOW but when I was a kid they were not very tasty. I figured I was going to have to live like this forever.

One day though, my mom told little bitty me about Some Guy who like. Cured his own food allergies by eating a tiny bit of it every day or something, building an immunity over time, and forcing his body to deal with it. Immediately I think, holy shit, if it worked for him it could work for me right? When do we start???

We did not start. That was like promptly forgotten bc, to be fair, my mom didn’t want to subject me to long stints of being sick as a dog until this starts to work. Projectile vomiting for days is not good for kids. Unfortunately I did not get this and I’ve always been a freak about science at heart, and figured. Fuck it. I’ll do it myself.

So I started repeating this guy’s methods, without anything to go on, mainly sneaking tiny bites of food like bread and cheese for a while and then trying to increase my “dose”. This led to a couple miscalculations and getting sick from it but like. It started to work is the thing. Slowly I was able to sneak larger portions of food without consequence. I was thrilled and certainly not going to stop now that I saw the fruits of my labors. Imagine a child of 7-10 years old gruelingly making themself sick repeatedly in the name of unsupervised science. What was I doing

To make a long story short, over time some genuine mistakes from family began to reveal that I was “growing out of” my allergies. So even they began to “allow” me to have small treats now and then. One day an allergy test revealed that my allergies to eggs and gluten had gone away, and to celebrate we got spaghetti :3 and it was so good. And needless to say I love Italian food so much now lmao. The dairy allergy took longer to go away but now I don’t even worry about looking at ingredients lists, cause like. I did it. They all fucking doubted me BUT I DID IT!!!!!!!!

… except peanuts. Peanut contact gave me bad hives once and then later my sister miraculously developed an anaphylactic allergy to peanuts too. I won’t touch peanuts with a 10 foot pole I don’t even like peanuts that much. Not worth it.

Did I ever tell you guys how I actually performed mad science on myself. It’s not that insane but it is science and unsanctioned at the least