#I friggin ugly sobbed

[anonymoosen]

Random writing prompt thingy (does this count as one??)

A: *almost gets themself killed*

B: BRO- *shakes A violently*

B: YOU COULD’VE FRIGGIN DIED- BE MORE CAREFUL, YOU IDIOTIC SINGLE BRAINCELLED CREECHUR!!

A:…*sobs*

B: *looks slightly guilty* Was I too hard on yo-

A: *hugs B tightly* YOU CARE SO MUUUUCHHH AHHHH *ugly cries*

B: *rolls their eyes and pats A*

B: …Ugh just be more careful, dude… *secretly smiles*

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

When you’re so stressed out and broken down emotionally that you cry not being able to move a bookshelf a few inches.

[ladyofthelake]

Another Merthur anthem to add to my endless list </3

"In Case You Don't Live Forever" Ben Platt You put all your faith in my dreams You gave me the world that I wanted What did I do to deserve you? I follow your steps with my feet I walk on the road that you started I need you to know that I heard you, every word I've waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth I'm everything that I am because of you I, I've carried this song in my mind Listen, it's echoing in me But I haven't helped you to hear it We, we've only got so much time I'm pretty sure it would kill me If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you I've waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth I'm everything that I am because of you I have a hero whenever I need one I just look up to you and I see one I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth I'm everything that I am Whoa... whoa... In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth As long as I'm here as I am, so are you

[danpuff-ao3]

ATTENTION EVERYONE: PLEASE PAUSE TO ADMIRE THIS PERFECTION:

(perfection drawn by the ever sweet and skillful @inarticulateimbecile)

Look at that perfect, ugly man who I adore with my whole entire heart.

But also, admire THIS perfection:

My BOYS 😭 😭 🥰

Scenes from my beloved story Contempt. And gifted to me by such a lovely friend. 🥺 (I'm crying, don't worry about it.)

Extra tidbits: the first time I ever talked to inarticulateimbecile was me popping into their inbox all awkward and anxiety-ridden to squeal about their art 😂 The second time was them coming to me to chat about Contempt! We definitely talked about how deliciously ugly Severus is. (Please don't @ me, I don't wanna hear it, let me swoon for his ugly face damn it.) (Remember how SpongeBob said "I'm ugly and I'm proud"???? Get with the program, people.)

ANYWAY. So. I sobbed upon seeing these, of course. I still feel like I haven't appropriately blubbered at them over how wonderful they are and how much they mean to me.

Image 1: look at the ball of light!! That glow!! The shadows on Severus' face!! The lank head hair, the sparse chest hair; the concavity of his chest!! (Very important detail, very important!) And his frown! How he's so sharp and grim and afraid and reserved!!

Image 2: My boys all cuddled close together, as they belong! Harry all snuggled into Severus' chest. 🥺 The way Severus holds him! 🥺 They way they hold each other. How even in sleep they're not quite at peace, not quite happy, but stealing and savoring the moment they have while they have it!! I'm living and dying in my feelings right now, no big deal.

And now!!!! They get to live in my fic cuz friend is so good to me!! 🥰 Also: why are my friends so talented??? Like dang. Mind = blown. Also: why are my friends so friggin' SWEET??? Again. Mind = blown. Please go shower all of inarticulateimbecile's everything with love because they deserve it. Also please go admire their art at the end of Contempt if you don't mind because it gives extra life and character to the fic!!!! Also...!!!!! idk. I feel like I should keep talking because I'm excited. So idk have some exclamation points instead: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[husbandograveyard]

Hewwo Hazel uwu 🔫😀👾😭😜😳⏰😏🎆💓?

Hewwo Bas! The UwU is strong today  o(>ω<)o Thank you for your questions! 

🔫 - Fave canon arc? 

Thriller Bark. It made me laugh SO HARD. One piece is one of the few anime that genuinely makes me laugh out loud, usually im more of a “hmpft” blowing air out of my nose laught kinda gal, but one piece gave me a lot of joy and laughter, and mostly during thriller bark. Besides that, the fights and the general plot thickening and things coming together, and Zoro’s sacrifice all made this one of my top favorite archs! The pacing was very good as well, compared to, for example, Dressrosa. 

😀 - Most favorite Straw Hat?

aaaaaa don’t make me choose  This is very hard! The initial thought was Zoro because well it’s Zoro and most of his lines never fail to make me laugh. Robin is the one I admire most cause it’s the kind of lady idk if I wanna be her or be with her yknow? And Chopper also popped up because well.. he’s the absolute most adorable bean and I love him and his cuteness. 

I’m gonna conclude a tie between Zoro and Robin, and Chopper can be on their shoulders being adorable?   (´･ᴗ･ ` )

👾 - Fave villain?

Perona as far as she was an actual villain, her negative spooks are the best attack ever and no one can tell me otherwise. 

In terms of bigger antagonists, probably the Charlotte family? I’m counting them as one, just for now, since they are all super interesting and I like seeing them on screen more than ceasar or moria or doffy and 100000x more than friggin Blackbeard (Imagine me using the ‘dinkleberg voice’ whenever I say blackbeard).  Doffy is a good villain. But he makes me too mad so he only gets a flaminglemention and not the top spot ha. 

😭 - Saddest scene?

Just like one piece is the series that made me laugh he most, it’s also the one that made me cry the most. Almost embarrassingly much. I ugly sobbed for a few hours straight around Ace’s death. I was spoiled, I knew it was gonna happen, but I did not know how exactly, so ehm from impel down on, every scene they showed him I teared up at least. (oops).  BUT there was one other scene that made me cry a lot that I have to mention because I did not expect to cry for that moment. I knew about the time skip, I knew about the training, I knew they were gonna take some time off to get stronger. BUT I did not know how and when and the circumstances. The moment Kuma separated them, the agony and the helplessness. My heart. I could not take it. That was too sad. 

Honorable mentions for the Bellemere scene very early on and saying goodbye to merry. Just too many heartbreaking moments but I feel that’s what makes the series so nice, you need to get hurt sometimes in order to get more attached to characters. 

😜 - Funniest character?

Ehm. In terms of delivering hilarious one-liners and making me laugh while not actually being funny on purpose: Zoro. The dumb is too much and is hilarious. He says funny things while not being funny and there’s just too many peak comedy moments in him getting lost or ‘wanting to get made into a wax statue in this pose”. 

Luffy gets a mention in situational humor too because that dumbassery is hilarious as well. 

Other than that. Probably a tie between Usopp and Franky. It’s just so stupid, but the sheer simpleness of most of the humor makes it so easy to digest and look at! 

😳 - Any crushes?

Any? Many! ehm, to not make this answer a couple thousand words long, quickfire! Ace, he has the charisma, the feralness, the politeness and the freckles.  Shanks, he’s just the sweetest, sexiest mystery man who knows what his priorities are.  Sabo, all the feralness, less of the politeness, all of the cuteness. His smile can revive puppies.  Zoro: the Dumbassery, the muscles, the brutal honesty and that soff soff mossy hair.  Kid: again, the dumbassery, the rudeness while still caring for his bunch of misfits. I love me a good tulip.  Robin: The beauty, the grace, the humor, the fashion, the intellect. Again, dk if i want to be her or be with her.  Vivi: The courage, the love, the sweetness amongst the badassery, step on me princess.  Honorable mentions for Killer, A bunch of people showing up in Wano that I’ve only seen spoilers pop up for. And writing some character has had me reconsidering all the crushes all together. In conclusion: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONE PIECE SO ATTRACTIVE??? safe for you Blackbeard honey, you could fall off a cliff and I’d applaud. 

⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece? 

Not that long at all. When I was 14? ish I started my anime journey. I watched 15-20? episodes of One Piece and hated it. Around that time one piece was somewhere in between 500-600 eps and I could not imagine ever catching up to that, especially since my strict parents limited my computer use to 3h a week. 

Then a friend really got into it I think about 5? years ago and kept talking about it and how it was actually good. I was starting to do an effort to watch all the ‘big’ and ‘must-see’ anime and promised myself I’d watch One Piece, eventually. 

Then this year at the end of October 2019 I actually started watching it. I had grown up a lot, and could now appreciate the anime way more for what it was? I fell in love and binged the entire thing in more or less six months with some small breaks in between for work, school, books, and other anime. Highly considering re-downloading so I can rewatch my favorite parts soon. My biggest problem is that once I love something, I go ALL IN and I will love everything about it and obsess. And thus this Tumblr was created as the hiatus started and I wanted something One Piece to keep me distracted. I eventually want to collect the manga but I now don’t have the space for it in my tiny room. 

😏 - Favorite scene? 

Sabo and Luffy reuniting! The reveal, the tears, the hug, and the ridiculousness of Luffy with the beard and all, just made it perfect. Absolutely loved it.

OH and Luffy punching the celestial dragon. The absolute energy in that scene made me grin like an idiot yet gave me goosebumps. Punch those slave-owning bitches luffy, thank you! 

🎆 - Something you can’t wait for??!! 

ALL of what is to come in Wano. I’ve been catching spoilers here and there and i just cannot wait! There’s gonna be so much reveals and new characters and comebacks and all the things I did not know I need in my life. 

And I would like some more reveals on Shanks and his crew since we literally know next to nothing about them, besides the fact that even the admirals seemed to be at least wary of their powers and I just really need to know. (or not, since mystery adds to the charm). 

I can’t wait for the abolishment of the government and the death/defeat of blackbeard (assuming that will happen at some point, a girl can dream). 

💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?

SO HARD. Hardest question. Ehm... Ace and Usopp I think? I struggle with family a lot, but I have a chosen family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am hella insecure, but I try my best most of the time and I am extremely loyal, even though I have no particular talents, I try and help here and there and hopefully can make some people happy that way! 

If you read all the way through here, thank you for coming to my Ted talk! It was so long  („• ֊ •„) but it was also so much fun  (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[minaminokyoko]

Toy Story 4: A Spoilertastic Review

*huge sigh of relief* Disney/Pixar, y'all had me worried.

Truly. Honestly. Not that you guys aren't amazing, but the Toy Story films have a legacy that almost no other franchise period has: three perfect movies, and movies that improved with each sequel. Most of the time, trilogies can't pull that off. Sometimes you get three that are good, but there's a straggler in the bunch, like the original Star Wars trilogy or The Dark Knight saga. Like a lot of folks, I was sweating bullets when they announced TS4 because this is one of the only trilogies where each sequel was friggin' better than the last, and TS3, imo, might be the best Disney/Pixar film period. Honestly, it stands at the top of just animated films period, and so I was very nervous to think about trying for a fourth one.

I am very pleased to say TS4 is a worthy sequel. It's not empty, it's not lazy, it's great. I personally put it on the same level as the first movie. I do consider TS2 and TS3 to be better than this one, but not for a bad reason, simply because it's attempting something different from the previous films. This is another all-positive review for me; all I've got are nitpicks, no cons at all. Disney/Pixar did a great job creating what a friend of mine referred to as an epilogue story. That sounds about right to me. It's like there's a trilogy and an epilogue now to the Toy Story saga.

Overall Grade: A

Spoilers ahead.

-I really want to dive in to talk about the fact that while it might upset some people, this movie is about Woody, almost exclusively, and I actually like that a lot. I don't mind at all that this is a snapshot of dealing with change through Woody's perspective, and you know why? Man. Woody is a fucking great character. Really. To his core, he's a phenomenal, landmark, memorable character. I think as the years pass and people reevaluate what films will stand the test of time, animated or otherwise, people will realize that Woody is such a well-written, well-acted character. One of the things that I think got everyone ugly sobbing in TS3 was the way that Andy described Woody: "He'll never give up on you." That's it. That's why Woody is just such a charming character. He will do whatever it takes to do the right thing for the kids. Every time. No matter what it costs him. And that's why this movie took a big risk in breaking up the Toy Story family, but at the same time, it's giving Woody a path that allows him to do something he loves and that is important to him, and for him to be happy in the process. It's a very surprising and unique but realistic idea that Bonnie, while a great kid, wasn't the kid for Woody. But he cared so much for her that he wanted to make sure she got the right toy that will help her learn and grow. That's...fucking amazing, man. I got choked up. I really did. Woody's heart is so huge. And I love that this movie showed that he's been through some rough stuff and that it was time for him to be able to find his own happiness while still being able to help kids, because that's who he is. He's a leader. He cares to a fault. Woody is such a rich character and I'm really glad they got to focus on him and gave him a good send off. It's quite touching. I hate the idea of the gang breaking up, but the movie does an excellent job of explaining change. I like this motif. Things change. Something you always dreamt of might be different. Or things end and you have to move on and try something else. It's a great lesson for all of us to learn, and it took some serious courage to do that in a franchise so known for its ensemble cast and family. I dig it. I truly do.

-Bo and Woody had me all up in my feels. Oh, man. When she was taken...my fucking heart...oh, that hit me right in the feels. I love how they filmed the reunion, too, that the first time he saw her again they were both having to be inert at the time. That was so cleverly done, and it's so apparent how soft they are for each other. It's really sweet. I enjoyed getting to see their dynamic, even with things being strained between them. The hat thing gets me every time. I love nuance, and Bo pulling down his hat is just the cutest little gesture that sells the entire relationship. I enjoyed Bo getting to be active and frankly badass, because it's super cool to see a girl's toy everyone would think is too delicate to be played with be at the forefront of the action.

-I enjoyed Gabby being a sympathetic antagonist. That's awesome. I always applaud movies that can pull it off. It's easy to write a one note villain. It's much, much harder to write one who has a story and who has something that they want, and that the hero is standing in their way. I also think it's a GREAT lesson for kids growing up. Sometimes the thing you think you want isn't what it seems. There are going to be SO many moments in a kid's life where they've been dying to get something, and it's a big disappointment in the end, or they don't get it at all. Wow. Powerfully done. And the scene with the little lost girl damn near made me shed actual tears. That was nothing short of beautiful. Because that is what it's like for kids. Kids get scared, and sometimes the smallest thing encourages them. It hearkens back to what Woody did on Bonnie's first day, getting her the supplies to make Forky and getting her confidence and creativity up. Fuck, that melted my heart. Gabby's story was fantastic, and touching, and a really good use of an antagonist. I was very, very satisfied with how they handled it.

-Centering everything as one big chase scene, kind of Mad Max: Fury Road in a weird way, was a lot of fun. It kept you guessing and it kept things fresh. I also am really impressed that they managed to unnerve the unholy hell out of me with Gabbie and the puppets. I'm actually not scared of puppets, but the way that they moved was very, very creepy, and I would never have expected it from Toy Story. Nice job, guys.

-Forky is the right balance of being a naive, hapless character without being annoying. I was worried his antics would get old, but actually, no. I didn't hate him. I like that Woody was frustrated, but he didn't hate the little guy and he wasn't jealous of him. He did the right thing and he helped Forky understand what toys are all about, and it's very heartwarming.

-Duke Kaboom was such a treat. I'm really happy everyone is now on the Keanu boat, because I've been a stan for that man since the fucking 90's and it's so satisfying to see others join me. He really is a fun, sweet human being, and his character is delightfully over the top. I loved him. It worked really well with the rest of the film, and I am all about the Keanussance/Reevessance that's going on right now. Keep it up. You're breathtaking.

-Goodness me, I just need to note how gorgeous the effects are. I mean, it's Disney/Pixar, it's always gorgeous, but for instance, the rain sequence in the beginning was incredible. That water...man...they are so exceptional at details and realism all while still creating their own look. Bravo, man.

-The payoff of the little guy getting his high five finally was fucking adorable. This is what makes me love Disney/Pixar so much, too. It's the little things that put a smile on your face. How cute.

Nitpicks:

-Key and Peele were annoying. There. I said it. I fucking hate them both, and they were annoying. But thank God, they were more cameo characters than main leads. Throw them both in the trash, though. Ugh.

-I don't like that Gabby needing to switch out the voice box had zero consequences. That was...odd. And kind of like cheating. I got really excited when Woody allowed it to happen so he could get Forky back, but then nothing bad happened. I thought that maybe Woody's voice would be damaged, go in and out, or he'd be mute, and it would show what a sacrifice he made for Bonnie. Nope. It had no negative consequences, so it almost makes me wonder why they did that. It ended up a moot point, and invalidated the conflict.

-I'm waffling on how I feel about Bonnie just forgetting about Woody entirely. Mind you, this is realistic. This is how small kids work. They move abruptly and often without explanation. But thematically, I sort of wanted her to notice him gone, if only to tie off how I felt about how far Woody was willing to go to make her happy. But at the same time, that's kids for you. Things happen fast. She's going to be happy, and so will the rest of the toys, and that's the most important thing in the end.

-I did actually want a longer scene of just Woody and Bo together, catching up. I don't feel robbed, but I was letdown because I wanted to know more about them since they seem to truly click and feel strongly for one another. I'd have liked to see them just sit and talk for a moment, but the film had too much urgency, so unfortunately we had to keep moving.

I only just got home, so I don't know if other reviews are out, but let me go ahead and say that if anyone is shitting on this film, I guarantee you it's people who don't like change. This film is different and it takes risks and in the end, it is about Woody and not the rest of the toys, so it is going to step on some toes. However, it has earned a spot on the shelf next to the other movies. Trust me, its heart is in the right place and it's still keeping our legacy of films on par with each other. I don't feel that it takes anything away from them, and is simply a send off to a character I think will stand the test of time as one of the greats. I'm glad it was just as worthy as I hoped it would be.

[chlstarrbaby]

IS ANYONE ELSE REELING FROM THAT ONE PART IN THE LATEST POKEMON MOVIE???

The Power of Us, that one. I’m still reeling, I have NEVER IN MY LIFE ugly sobbed so quick at something so jarring, and it hit me in the feels because I LOVE Pokemon SO MUCH. I’ll put it under the cut since it could spark controversy, and its spoilers anyway...

Since it involves a heroic Snubbull DYING ON SCREEN! In a fire! ALL TO GET A KEY to the windmill thing that was man powered. I knew something bad had to have happened to Harriet the old lady for her to not want Pokemon anywhere near her, and her gloved hand had something to do with it. I never imagined she was keeping them at bay to keep from getting attached again after her loss or for any other pokemon to potentially get hurt in any similar fashion.

I’m still shook that we saw a pokemon die on screen tho, I haven’t been this shook since the Origins movie/shorts thing with the charmander being bitten by squirtle in that weird kinda graphic manner that we usually just shove under a rug. Its not that Pokemon dying eventually is new tho, Lavender Town’s Cemetery, and Cubone’s mother was the original proof of that, but aside from certain ghost type pokedex entries we never saw too much of it until Pokemon X and Y with that one route with all the stones that are actually pokemon graves because of an ancient war, and the King’s Floette dying. But to actually see a pokemon die on screen in the first time in Pokemon history and in a genuinely good pokemon movie no less, its still so jarring to me, the snubbull died heroically, getting a key to that man powered windmill thing for its master, the old lady, my heart friggin’ shattered as it was engulfed in gorgeous anime flames.

I’m shook. Its still a good movie, and she sees the snubbull’s spirit give her one last hug as she realizes that the key it sacrificed itself for was needed for a good purpose and it gives her more determination to continue on despite the flames ahead of them.

But I’m still shook.

[cazimie]

I’m such a Moon 1st house person

Extremely sensitive

Emotions come up to the surface very strongly that it requires a huge amount of control over your poker face and feelings to hide it all

I cry for other people and feel their pain

Lmao you wanna cry? Well I can lend you my shoulder but I’ll be ugly sobbing too lolol

Such a crybaby I swear to friggin-

mOoDs aRe aLl OveR tHe PlAcE mAn !!!!

I will always emphasize this, I seriously can feel the pain of other people, from the way they talk about their experiences, from the sound of their voice cracking and shaking, to the way their eyes begin to water and overflow with emotions. I can literally imagine and feel myself in their situation. Sometimes their wounds and physical pain as well to an extent it kinda makes me paranoid lmao

Sometimes, its a pain in the butt though. I need to control my emotions and think with my mind as well

But most of the time, it makes me understand them all the more. My ability to really emphathize is precious to me because I really wanna understand and forgive and hopefully give a good helpful advice

My emotions are my driving force. So if I feel so fucking hyped up and determined, I’m sure as hell will get things done in a workaholic way (Cap rising), but if I feel completely empty and unmotivated, I will not move a single muscle and will start to feel numb 😂

My esteem really affects my appearance too

I have a chubby face and my skin is fairly luminating. Not in a sunny way but in a moon kind of way. Especially when I wear dark clothes my skincolor POPS OUT.

I actually am mothering in a subtle way/in a way that I don’t realize

I. LOVE. BABY LIVING THINGS AND JUST WANNA TAKE EM’ HOME AND CARE FOR THEM.

[this-darkness-light]

For That Special Someone

Pairing: Samifer, Destiel Rating: Teen and up Summary: The angels get their humans very…interesting gifts. Word count: 1,242 Prompts: inappropriate holiday gifts; rock paper scissors Tags: crack, humor, clueless angels are the best thing ever, my first crack fic, I hope it’s funny D:

Read on AO3!

Written for @webcricket‘s 2017 Supernatural Advent Calendar Challenge.

Tagging @brieflymaximumprincess 

-.-.-.-.-

Dean glares at Sam.

Sam glares at Dean.

Dean cracks his knuckles and juts out his jaw. “You ready, bitch?”

In response, Sam rolls his shoulders and twists the kinks out of his neck. “Ready, jerk.”

“On three?”

Sam gives a curt nod.

“One…two…three!”

They pound their fists into their palms and throw a sign. With an evil cackle that would make Lucifer himself proud, Sam bashes his rock on top of Dean’s scissors. “That’s one-zero, me,” he says, bouncing his eyebrows and grinning.

Dean’s brow furrows and he clenches his jaw so hard the tendons in his neck jut out. “This ain’t over yet.”

As the Winchesters gear up for round two, Castiel scoots closer on the sofa next to Lucifer himself, who’s wearing an ugly green sweater covered in pictures of gamboling orange kittens and puffing up with pride at Sam’s boy king cackle. The Santa hat perched jauntily on his head almost falls off at the jostling movements from the other angel, but he catches it and adjusts it before it does.

“One…two…three!”

“What is this arcane ritual?” Castiel whispers loudly into Lucifer’s ear as Sam points and laughs and Dean stomps his foot and angrily demands the best three out of five.

Lucifer, who’s munching on a bowl of popcorn, has the courtesy to swallow his mouthful before answering. “It’s how humans decide important things.” Grabbing another large handful, he stuffs his mouth full. Cruncha-cruncha-crunch. Castiel scrunches up his nose at the distasteful lack of manners. Catching that thought on angel radio, Lucifer grunts and offers the bowl to Castiel, who declines on the basis that butter flavored molecules are still molecules.

“One…two…three!”

Dean claps and aims a gun-shaped hand at Sam. “Oooh! Take that, bitch!”

Sam snorts and rolls his eyes. “Dude. There’s two more rounds. Or one, if I win the next one.”

“Yeah, dream on.”

Sam just smirks and raises his fist.

Castiel squints at the humans. “Humans decide important matters by chanting numbers and making odd hand gestures?” Still chewing, Lucifer makes a broad, expansive gesture at Sam and Dean as if saying, see for yourself. Blinking, Castiel tilts his head to the side and absently scratches at the stubble on his chin as the Winchesters start the next countdown. “It seems very inefficient.”

Before Lucifer can respond, Sam crows in victory and smacks his open hand on top of Dean’s fist. Dean swears and kicks at the ground, almost upsetting the sorry excuse of a Christmas tree they managed to find in the nearby woods. It’s more of a Christmas bush than anything, but it’s got lights blinking and twinkling from the flimsy little branches and red and green ball glass ball things and an angel perched on top, so in Dean’s own words, “whatever. It works.”

“C’mon, man. How do you always win?” Dean grouses as he sits down and slides Sam’s small pile of presents to him from under the tree. Sam gleefully rubs his hands together and gathers them to himself, eager to see what’s inside.

“I’ve told you, Dean. You’ve got a tell,” he says as he tears blue paper covered in smiling snowmen off a box and opens it to reveal a new hunting knife from Mom.

“It’s friggin’ rock paper scissors. How do I have a tell?”

Sam shrugs as he carefully sets the knife aside and grabs his present from Dean, which is wrapped in what looks like brown paper grocery bags covered in twine with his name scrawled on the top in Sharpie. “You just do,” he says, then tosses his brother a bitch face as he pulls out a wadded up pair of bright red flannel pajamas with happy cartoon moose frolicking on them. “Really, Dean?”

Dean returns Sam’s bitch face with a shit-eating green. “Merry Christmas, Sammy. And hey, maybe you’ll even get to wear ‘em a couple days a week,” he adds with a lascivious wink. Sam’s face turns the color of the pajamas. Chuckling in a self-satisfied sort of way, Dean reaches over and yanks the bowl of popcorn off of Lucifer’s lap, ignoring the archangel’s indignant squawk.

“That was mine!”

“Yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it?”

While Lucifer and Dean fight over the popcorn, Castiel leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “Please open the present from me next, Sam,” he says loudly over the sounds of World War III. A few pieces of popcorn land in his hair, but Castiel absently brushes them onto the couch.

Between the jumbled mess of paper and tape that looks like a kindergartner’s art project and the rectangular box with the perfectly seamless wrapping paper and perfectly placed ribbons and perfectly arranged bows, Sam instantly knows which of the last two presents is from Castiel. Tugging the art project in front of him, Sam puts his chiseled upper body to work tearing through the mass of paper and tape to find —

“Dude, is that lube?” Dean, who’s struggling to escape a chokehold from Lucifer, barks out a laugh.

Sam clears his throat a few times and stares down at the bottle of Anal Ease. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah it is.” He coughs and then fixes his gaze firmly on Castiel’s chin. “Uh, thanks man.”

Castiel beams back at him. Sam kind of wants to melt into the floor.

Unlatching his arm from around Dean’s neck, Lucifer shoves him aside (along with the popcorn bowl, though most of the popcorn is on the floor by now) and perches on the very edge of the couch, eyes shiny and bright. “Now mine!” he says. “Best for last!”

Castiel nods. “We bought them to coordinate.”

Sam is kind of scared to open Lucifer’s present. At this point he’d almost rather face a hoard of murderous clowns.

Almost.

Avoiding eye contact with the other three, he meticulously unsticks each bow from the top of the box, carefully slices each ribbon with his pocket knife, and then peels off the paper. Cold chills race down his spine as he pulls out —

Dean is rolling around on the floor now, tears streaming down his face as Sam holds up a package of blue silicone anal beads. Except the beads are shaped like little hearts.

“I remember you said you wanted to experiment,” Lucifer says, all bubbles and joy, wide eyes aglow and hands clasped in front of his chest.

Sam doesn’t have the heart to berate him for choosing Christmas morning to remember an off-handed off-color comment. “Uh. Thanks, babe.”

The smile on Lucifer’s face is worth the embarrassment. “They’re water safe too,” he adds helpfully above Dean’s howls of laughter.

“Dude!” he says, swiping away the tears streaming down his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Where the hell did you two go shopping?”

“A place called Extreme Fun Zone,” Castiel says.

Now it’s Sam’s turn to snicker as all the color drains from Dean’s face. Bypassing the presents from Mary and Sam, he lunges at the other two and tears them open in record time.

Seconds later he’s holding up a sexy, lacy black negligee and a pair of silky apple green thong panties.

“But Dean,” Cas says as he tries to coax the eldest Winchester out of the sobbing little ball he’s rolled himself into, “the sign on the rack said ‘for that special someone.’ You are my special someone.”

Sam has never laughed so hard in his life.

-.-.-.-.-

[poachedeggssocool]

I was so shocked when they kill Bob. What a stupid way to die. If Joyce had stop smiling at him and friggin urged him to run away asap he could have been saved. I’m still so so annoyed about that whole thing. His character is so nice. Like when he finally sees the weird side of the family, he wasn’t denying anything about it and try to contribute whatever that he is able to do to help them. And he did until the end. More ugly sobbing continues when Mike said Bob was the founder of the AV club. But seeing how Joyce stood her ground and determined to push the ‘virus’ out from Will while remembering Bob gives me so much satisfaction. 

WHY THO WHY. He would have make such a good advisor or something for the club. At one point I think Will really looks up to him as someone whom he can seek advice from (although we know it wasn’t the best. but hey Bob didn’t exactly know what’s going on). The most surprising and pleasant thing for me this season is Steve’s Harrington’s growth. I hate his character at first, but I love how he’s always protective of the kids. Nancy who? See, finally. He turns out so much better without Nancy after all.

[venfx]

I would absolutely love to see you write about Phil and his complicated relationship with his mom and him growing detached from his family.

this turned out, like, way longer than i thought it was going to, but whatever. i’m such a slut for vignette formatted angst. cw for family trouble, pregnancy, & poorly handled mental illness

(also i’m sorry mrs. connors u don’t deserve this)

send me fic prompts here!

Phil doesn’t know why he’s here. 

Well, okay, he does, but he’s really bitter about it. This is his last hold out, the one thing he’s been avoiding since he left Punxsutawney. 

He can’t believe Rita talked him into this.

“Mr. Connors, how are you feeling today?”

“Me? I’m great,” he says, as politely as he can manage.

He’s not great.

He hates therapy.

“Right,” his therapist- John or James or Jake- says. 

He’s waiting for Phil to make the first move.

Phil doesn’t want to make the first move.

He wants to leave.

The guy coughs and glances down at his clipboard. “It says here that you’ve had problems with anxiety in the past. Do you want to talk about that?”

Really?

“I manage with yoga, aromatherapy, and a strict vegan diet,” Phil says. “Oh, and, like, a lot of Xanax.”

He knows he’s being an ass, knows that this is the kind of behavior that makes Rita sigh a lot, but he can’t help it. New man or not, the concept of opening up to a complete stranger is still something that makes his skin crawl.

Whatever-his-name-is frowns, peers at the clipboard again. 

“Okay,” he says, like Phil’s some kind of idiot. “Let’s talk about something else. Why don’t you tell me about your mother? What kind of person is she?”

This is too much.

“Listen, buster,” he grits out, crossing his arms. “I’ve done this before. Don’t try to psychoanalyze me.”

“Mr. Connors- and I trust you know I’m not being facetious when I say this: that is literally what you’re paying me to do.”

Phil opens his mouth, closes it, briefly wrestles with the idea of getting up and leaving. Rita wouldn’t be upset, but she would be disappointed.

He’s not sure what’s worse.

“Fine,” he says after a long beat. “When I was a kid, my mom was my world.”

-“Mom, it’s not fair. Why does Alex get to go and I don’t?” 

Phil eight, okay, and he’s already lost, like, most of his baby teeth, which definitely means he’s old enough to go see some stupid scary movie. His mom sighs, puts down the book she’s been pretending to read for the past ten minutes.

“Phil, honey, we’ve been over this,” she says. “It’s too grown up for you. Your father and I don’t want you to get nightmares.”

“What, and Alex is more grown up than me?” He asks, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “She still eats her boogers, mom. I saw her.”

His mom makes a face at that. 

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t we have our own movie night? I can make popcorn,” she says.

“We don’t have a movie theater,” he points out. “It’s not the same.”

“We have something better.”-That night, they make a blanket fort in the living room and watch the Empire Strikes Back. Phil’s allowed eat an entire bowl of popcorn by himself and stay up as late as he wants. He passes out right after Han and Leia get to Cloud City, but whatever.- When he thinks back on that night, it’s sepia-toned and haloed in the Christmas lights they strung up in the middle of July. He remembers the low drone of the window fan, the smell of butter, a kiss pressed to his forehead after she’d carried him back to bed.

It’s still the best memory he has of his mom.-“I’m just saying: I don’t get why I need another brother,” Alex is saying. “One worm is already gross enough.”

She’s fifteen and Phil is ten and their mother has just told them that she’s pregnant.

Phil is ecstatic.

“Mom, you gotta name him after me,” he says, plaintive. 

Alex snorts. “What, Maggot the Second?”

“No,” he says haughtily. “Phil Junior, duh. But, hey, save that ‘Maggot’ thing for your own kid- it’s real fitting.”

“Phil!” His mother admonishes. “Be nice.”

He sticks his tongue out at Alex instead.

It’s so worth the time out.-“What are you actually gonna name him?” Phil asks that night as he’s being tucked in. “My vote’s still for Phil Junior, but I can see how that could get confusing.”

His mom just smiles and leans over to kiss his forehead. 

“It’s a secret,” she whispers. “Sleep well, sweetie.”-A few weeks later, Phil wakes in the middle of the night and tiptoes down to the kitchen. He’s big enough to get the cups for water– he doesn’t need to wake anyone up just because he’s thirsty. 

There’s already someone in the kitchen when he gets there. 

“Mom?” There’s no response, so he edges into the room. “Mom, is everything okay?”

It sounds like she’s crying, but Phil’s not sure. He creeps a little closer. 

He’s only seen his mother cry a few times, and never at 2AM in the middle of the kitchen.

“Go back to sleep, Phil,” she says. Her voice is hoarse, all scratchy like dad’s is in the morning before his coffee. She’s leaning over the counter, one hand curled protectively around her abdomen.

Phil moves towards her instead, reaching in to hug her side. 

“Does your stomach hurt? I can make tea now, Alex showed me how to heat up the water and everything,” he says. He pauses, thinks for a second. “Oh, wait, is it Phil Junior? I know you told me he kicks you at night, but-”

“I told you to go back to sleep,” she says, wrenching out of his grasp with enough force to make him stumble. There’s something ugly in her voice; she sounds wrecked and wrong and not at all like anyone that Phil knows.

“Mom, wait, I-” He starts.

He catches one last glimpse of her tear-stained face before she turns and runs.

-When Phil thinks back on that night, he remembers the slam of the bathroom door and how cold the sheets had been when he’d finally gotten back into bed.-He doesn’t have a little brother.-“I don’t know why you’re acting like this is my fault,” his mother hisses.

He’s just gotten detention for the fifth time this month. The principal keeps tossing around words like ‘suspension’ and ‘expulsion’, and Phil’s thirteen, he knows what that means, but he doesn’t really care. 

This time, it hadn’t even been his fault.

His parents are arguing about him in their bedroom over a pile of unfolded laundry, and Phil has one ear against their door. 

He’s basically an expert at espionage at this point.

“Because it is, it is your fault, Joanne,” his dad replies, not really doing much to keep his voice down. “You’re overbearing, it’s stifling him.”

“That’s better than you- when was the last time you were home for more than a day? Always off on those goddamn business trips; it’s no wonder Phil’s been having all of these behavioral problems.”

Dad scoffs. “The kid doesn’t have behavioral problems, he’s just a mouthy little shit-” 

“Oh, god, I wonder where he gets that from-”

“-and, anyways, if he does have problems, he probably gets ‘em from you. You’re a friggin lunatic-”

There’s a bout of hushed whispering that Phil has to press closer to the door to hear.

“-keeps acting up in class, we’re going to have to pull him from school. Is that what you want?”

“Why the hell would I want that?”

More whispering. Phil can tell that his dad’s pacing the room by the way the shadows spill from the gap underneath the door.

“-just do whatever you want, Joanne. You always do.”

The sound of a crash makes him startle away from the door. Someone’s upended the laundry basket.

“-you can’t do this. I won’t let you ruin our marriage over Phil.”

She says his name like it’s a bad word, like it’s a plane crash or a hurricane.

Oh.

Something inside him breaks. -When Phil thinks back on that night, all that comes to mind is the look of surprise on his father’s face when he’d opened the door.-“I just don’t see why you have to go so far away,” Joelle says with a pout.

They’re parked in front of his house, making out in the backseat of her car.He’s got a hand up her shirt. 

It’s kind of, like, annoying that she’s bringing this up now.

Phil’s seventeen and he’s going away to college tomorrow morning.

“Jesus, I told you,” he says against her throat. “I’m over this stupid town. Can we get back to the tearful goodbye sex? That was really doing something for me.”

“I’m serious, Phil,” she says, sitting up. Ugh. “I graduate in a year, and then we could-”

“What, move in together?” He scoffs, arching an eyebrow. “Sweetheart, you know this isn’t going to last, right?”

“What do you mean, you said-”

Suddenly, the front door of the house slams open and makes them both jump. Phil can hear the rise and fall of his parents’ voices from all the way out in the driveway. 

His stomach drops.

“Hey, this was fun, you’ve been great,” he says in a rush, quickly disentangling himself from her. “But I gotta go.”

He’s out of the car before she can respond.

Whatever she says probably isn’t very nice, anyways.-His father knocks into Phil just as he makes it through the front door. He has a suitcase in one hand, a jacket slung over his shoulder. 

Phil can hear his mom wailing in the other room.

“You’re leaving? That’s it?” He asks. 

“Good luck in school, Phil.”

A minute later, he hears the car start and peel away into the street.-Phil finds his mom on the floor, amidst what looks like several plates worth of broken glass. 

“Must’ve been one hell of a fight,” he says, because she’s still sobbing. 

He’s not good at this, has never been good at this.

They fight all the time. He doesn’t even know why he’s trying.

“Mom? Let’s get this cleaned up, c'mon.”

”Get out,” she says, not looking at him. He doesn’t move. “I said get out.”

She throws a plate, and it crashes against a wall somewhere over his shoulder. Abruptly, he’s struck by how exhausted she looks, all worn down and scared and fucking helpless, exactly like how he feels after every bad night he’s ever had. 

Maybe this is the truth of it: they’re too similar to ever really understand each other. 

Phil feels like he’s ten again.

It’s not his job to fix his mother.-He leaves, and doesn’t look back.-After his forty-five minutes are up, Phil steps out of the office. 

He isn’t relieved, or whatever, but he also doesn’t want to die, which feels like a small victory. His appointment for next week is already booked.

Rita’s going to be so proud.

It’s raining: a fine, chilly October mist, and the city feels quiet even though it’s only early afternoon. 

Eight months since his last Groundhog Day.

He takes out his phone, dials a number that he never thought he’d call again.

“Hey mom,” he says. “It’s Phil.”

[kinlkeyl]

Ok so you are this super awsome person, with amazing art skills AND THEN I FIND OUT YOU ARE ALSO INTO BJDS??? *ugly af sobs* I have 10+ of them now and it feels SO FRIGGIN COOL TO HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH ONE OF MY TUMBLR IDOLS *bows at your feet* bless you ;A; <3 You just made my day *3*

Awww I’m not that awesome but thank you so much for your kind words ♥ ♥ ♥

[toradh]

Minutes of me watching the, luckily, last episode of ToZX

Warning: lots of capslock, lots of cursing. I finally figured out how to put things under a cut, hooray! Beware of obvious spoilers for the game, the anime, AND Tales of Berseria ahead. It’s also a goddamn long post.

0:00: *has just made the bad mistake to eat a whole litre of vla. Very hyper, hands are shaking, tummy ache* Okay, Ufotable. DO YOUR WORST.

No opening? I can deal. Didn’t expect it anyway. No anime ever plays the opening in the last episode, right? I don’t like it, anyway.

0:20: Yes, I know, it’s Captain Planet, go ahead and do shit

0:30 I’m kinda disappointed that the Captain Planet theme isn’t actually playing

0:58: No, it looks plain silly. NO CAPES, DAMN IT Btw are the girls just gonna stand there in the background for the entire episode?

1:20: Yeah, looks like Captain Planet mode sucks after all. Btw if I wasn’t still sick, I’d take a sip for Meebo shouting “Sorey!”

1:29: You’re saying that NOW, Lailah? And is Heldalf just gonna stand there and watch the whole time?

2:08: I want Sorey’s hair conditioner

2:30:  I honestly can’t read my shaky sugar-induced and rage-fueled handwriting for that minute anymore, but the last words seem to suggest that I was bitching about Anime!Sorey being a Gary Stu. Speaking of shaky handwriting, most „2“ in this post might as well be a „1“ and vice versa, hard to tell

2:48: NO, SOREY. YOU FUCKING CAN’T. WHO WROTE HIM SUDDENLY BEING ABLE TO DO THINGS THAT THE ENTIRE GAME IS MAKING HIM LEARN THAT HE CAN’T. And I can’t even do English anymore

2:57: Yay the good songs are back I also wanna use these nifty rainbow magic dual element spells

3:37: …You still can’t, you know

3:47: Okay girls, I see you’re bored and wanna do something, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO, OK? YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE. NOBODY SHOULD BE IN THAT FRIGGIN’ VOLCANO ACTUALLY

3:56: Hi Dezel!

4:00: I’m touched that Dezel opted to ship RosAli and has given the girls his blessing

4:10: Sorey, if the Gay Pride Armatus is that exhausting to use, I’d suggest you stop wasting your breath with cheesy speeches

4:38: DAT’S SOME BFS DAT’S THE BUSTER SWORD OF GAY PRIDE

4:44: At least they somehow… reshaped that sweet sequence from the original game’s opening animation where Sorey and all Seraphim unanimously punch Heldalf. Okay, this is a sweet but sorry attempt at a decent battle scene.

5:03: WTF FUCKING WHY I JUST – *inhales deeply* Heldalf, you’re fucking doing it wrong, Velvet would be disappointed with you

5:28: That’s some ugly CGI malevolence

5:55: EVEN IN THE MANGA THEY HAD FIGURED OUT BEFORE THE FINAL BATTLE THAT THE LAND AND LA– MAOTELUS ARE CORRUPTED, AND THAT THING HAS ONLY 19 CHAPTERS! HOW HARD CAN IT BE!? BTW YOU’D KNOW IF YOU HAD EVER BOTHERED TO TALK TO MUSE YOU BASTARDS

6:30: What was the Gay Pride Armatus even good for? LAP–– I MEAN MAOTELUS, PLEASE INTERVENE, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AS GOD

8:00: SEAL? JUST KILL YOU DUMB IDIOT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

8:10: Oh no Meebo, please don’t cry OH SHIT NO IF THAT’S NOT THE LOOK OF A BROKEN HEART THEN IT’S ON MY FACE RIGHT NOW

8:20: ARGLBLARGL NO NO NO DON’T PLAY JOURNEY’S END IN THE BACKGROUND, OH GOD WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY (=Sorey. Or Maotelus with a Deus Ex Machina move, come on, I’ve been so waiting for it) FINALLY END MEEBO’S SUFFERING

8:40 OH MAN ANIME!SOREY FOR WORST BOYFRIEND EVER

9:03: IT’S GONNA BE THE PURPLE PROSE AU

9:14: *hands over tissues and chocolate* Meebo, you know, this whole show doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, anyway, so there’s absolutely no need for Sorey to pull through with this heroic sacrifice but kinda not at all shit thing

9:20: SOMEONE GIVE THAT POOR BOY A HUG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

9:24: I doubt he’s listening right now, Sorey, and you really deserve a punch or two

10:34: WHERE WAS THAT DREAM THE LAST FUCKING 24 EPISODES!!!!!!!!?????????????

10:40: I’D TAKE A SIP IF I WASN’T STILL SICK AND SOBBING

10:59: Yeah, Alisha, I’m glad you’re still alive, too. Who even suggested that squire-killing risk in the first place

11:09: HI CUTIE-PIE! Okay I admit it, part of me who was already used to being spoilered just wanted to see cute baby Laphi turning back his adorable seraph self. Screw this BTW SHOULDN’T YOU KINDA BE DOWN THERE WITH SOREY, WHICH WAS THE 1000% BETTER CONNECTION TO THE BERSERIA PLOT!????

11:22: I don’t think he hears you, sweetie

11:49: Are you gonna give me nothing but scenery porn for the remaining 10 minutes!?

12:55: Oh no, you didn’t fucking make the last in the line to the throne –

12:57: OH MY GOD NO YOU DID

13:05: That dress is disappointingly boring

14:57: What the fuck is written on that stone?

15:07: How many shepherds has Anime!Lailah destroyed?

15:25: …so, did they kill Eizen?

16:00: ZAVEID, YOU’RE EXCLUSIVELY HANGING OUT WITH OTHER SERAPHIM, AND YOU TRIED TO KILL SOREY THREE TIMES IN A ROW, HOW ARE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF INTERCULTURAL MEDIATION Oh wait actually Anime!Zaveid has never tried to kill Sorey. Well, anyway.

16:03: …Yeah, Eizen is what? Apart from, STILL A DRAGON AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, STILL CURSED!?

16:25: Ride a dragon, Edna

16:40: …It was too much to ask, I guess. Dammit.

16:57: Oh hello long-haired Rose. How did it get that long, she doesn’t even look a single day older

AND WHERE IS YOUR SHEPHERD’S CLOAK, BITCH!?

You also look like a Pokémon trainer. Or like a female Luke. Definitely female Luke

17:43: Lesbians doing a cooking course together. How does that fit your schedule, QUEEN ALISHA?

18:02: HAROLD, THEY’RE LESBIANS

19:07: PURPLE PROSE AU IS REAL

19:55: They are so fucking married I can’t believe my eyes

20:18: Well… about that…

20:20: YEAH ASK MEEBO, EXCEPT SOMEBODY DECIDED TO CUT THAT PART OF PLOT AND WORLDBUILDING COMPLETELY OUT OF THE STORY

20:32: *CHOKED SCREAMING*

Btw is there a specific reason why the nameless kids look like Sorey’s and Mikleo’s human love children? Except hurting me on a deep emotional level?

20:41: THAT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT AND YOU KNOW THAT, TSUNLEO

21:18: Hey wait, they can still do the telepathy crap? Why? And how is the pact still in place?

21:23: ARRRRHHHHHH WHY DO YOU BREAK MY HEART, ALL I WANTED WAS SERAPH SOREY

21:40: R3V#1GU) +B8ß23pkcf +ierq0ßcple2ßîdo^# jncoäejvcreoL *AGGRESSIVELY SMASHES KEYBOARD*

21:52: …Dammit. *adapts “adult Meebo is still shorter than Sorey” headcanon to “adult Meebo is the same height as Sorey until he starts growing too, until they arrive at the same height difference again* Then again, this is a stupid canon divergent AU, anyway, right?

21:58: FOR FUCKING REAL!?

22:05: Good idea, ask Gramps for all the missing things from the plot. The adaptation spared him, after all

22:15: Part of me is relieved, part of me is very upset

22:43: Why can you still do this? BTW WAY TO CHEAT ON A RACE

23:00: When did you two learn to fly?

AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MAOTELUS? WHO CARES ABOUT HELDALF, WHO SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD? I WANT MY SWEET BABY BACK

23:06: What… or where is that?

23:17: THAT’S FRIGGIN’ NORMAL BIRDS, SOREY

And did you just fly out of Glenwood to Tethe’alla, because I don’t recognize that view

WHAT A RIDE

Hands still shaky, still sick, fucking offended

PLEASE END MY LIFE

(no reaction scribbles this time, at least not immediately. Except Sorey and Mikleo should totally adopt their mini selves. AND LAPHI.)

[blah-blah-blogg]

OK OK, I’ll be the first to admit it….I’m a horrible fucking blogger. Absolute shitte!! It’s been like an entire year since my last post, I’m sorry I suck so hard.

Things really went south for a bit there and it’s taken a minute to bounce back! I live to make others laugh so typically only like to write about things that are funny, but life isn't always funny. To be completely honest, life sucker punched me in the face and like one of those blow-up clown punching bags I just kept popping back up for more.

Trust me, it will take more than this one blog to fill you in on the madness but I’ll start with the reason I stopped. Feb and March 2016. Two months that changed me. Work was a constant source of stress, I’d lost my inspiration, my social life was lame city, and my best friends kept moving further and further away. On top of that, I’d permanently pumped the brakes on the old Tinder dating, realizing that I’m destined for a life with just me and Penny (Penny is my golden retriever, the greatest dog of all the dogs…ask anyone). Oh and I forgot to mention that everyone around me was dropping dead.

I know I shouldn't make light of such a serious matter, but it’s really the only way I know how to survive. I hate being sad or weak so instead I make jokes and push the tough stuff deep down, pretending everything is fine. Isn't that called adulting??? For real though, I lost three people in a matter of weeks and it left massive holes in my heart. My beloved Auntie Christine who I will absolutely never accept is gone, my childhood friend Nathan whose sudden death shook me so much that I couldn't even bring myself to attend his funeral, and believe it or not a really lovely man named Matt that I met on Tinder, who became my friend and had so much to offer the world with his big silly heart.

Here’s the thing about death: it is actually super NOT funny and despite of all my efforts to use humour to survive, there was no amount of making light of it that could mend those holes. It was a tough couple months, I was really damn sad, and it has forever hardened me. I hate being sad, more than anything in the world. I absolutely hate crying and I hate being weak. Unfortunately, emotional dramatics run in my blood so when I allow the sadness to actually make it to the surface, shit gets UGLY!! I am a total NIGHTMARE of a sad girl. Just a mess!! I’m talking full blown ugly-cry: nostrils flared, lips quivering, snotty mess. I bawl my friggin’ brains out, usually in the bath tub or shower, and believe me I really go for it. I walked around for months pretending to be fine, but hid in the washroom at work on the daily fighting back tears with all my might. It was awful. I just want to be a butterfly… free to float around without a care in the world. Sounds lovely, non?

Now here comes the surprise twist: in the midst of all of this death and sadness I met a really great guy. I know you need a moment here…YES you read that correctly! If you’ve read about any of my dating experiences, you’ll understand the great shock here. Yes, I actually said ‘great guy’ and even weirder I totally meant it. EW, so gross I know. They say timing is everything but I’m calling bullshit on that old saying. There literally could not have been a worse time to meet someone so great! I’d like to think I held it together pretty well. I mean, I didn't cry on any of our dates so that’s a plus…right?

Talk about a buzz kill though…trust me, nothing dampens the mood on a first date like ‘how was your day?’ ‘Oh, my friend died today’ …..um I really need to learn to hold things back. What did I think this poor guy would have to say to that? Jesus, maybe I should write a blog just about the dumb shit I say on dates (seriously, things just come spewing out of my mouth like projectile word vomit). I give him major points for pressing through. I won’t even get into the fact that I also tried to get out of almost everything he had planned for us….driving range? in the dark? in high heels? dinner at a pub in a STRIP MALL?!?!? Omg no no no. By some miracle this man got me to do all of the above, managed to dig us out of the dark depressing hole I’d started our date off in, and then ALSO completely charmed the shit outta me! I literally had the BEST time, I whacked the heck out of those golf balls in my high heels, died over his adorable outfit, and laughed the night away at the strip-mall pub!! I forgot about all the shit I was dealing with and just got to be my ridiculously girly self for a few hours. What was happening? who was this plaid shirt,Timberland boot wearing, friggin’ cutie??

Date number two was just as surprising….and it happened the following morning. Now don’t go jumping to conclusions here. Date number one ended with a PG rating (despite my wild antics I am a lady, people!!!). In fact I actually X framed the poor guy out when he tried to make out with me on that first date (if you’re unfamiliar with the X frame, simply hold your two arms out in front of you, make an X........Tadaa)

Aha ha, it’s super awkward and pretty aggressive, but effective and actually quite hilarious! I mean, he was cute as hell, but one step at a time bud. Anyways, somehow less than 24 hours after our first date, there we were headed down an old country road with coffees and our pups. Shockingly, I never once thought he would murder me out there (reference previous posts: I live in perpetual fear of being murdered by a stranger). It was without a doubt in my mind that this guy was one of the good ones. I clung to his peaceful goodness like it was life or death, and when we were together I could forgot about those holes. Honestly, this guy was unreal. Every single one of our dates was straight out of a country music video…I’m not exaggerating. We literally had a picnic date on the tail gate of his truck with country music blaring, swinging our feet over the river…I was waiting for the camera crew to pop out of the woods and for Luke Bryan to come strolling down the river bank guitar in hand. 

Almost a year later we had endless hours of conversation under our belts and it felt like I’d always known him. We had covered death three times over, divorce, murder, unhappy relationships, tough life lessons and just about everything else in between. Our country music video dates continued on the regular and there were some unreal memories made. He was kind and sweet and, although he was peaceful and had such a quiet soul, it was clear that his divorce had left him with his own holes. Our relationship was lovely and it was one for the books but sadly it was doomed from the start. Unfortunately, you have to be whole and happy in order to love someone fully. The crazy thing is that death and divorce have similar effects on a person, it kind of forces you to look at your life. Losing someone or getting out of a bad marriage, makes you feel like you escaped, you get a second chance, another breath. You remember what’s important, it reminds you to LIVE in the moment and to be grateful for what you have. So it might seem like the worst and most heavy time time to meet someone, but in a way our timing was perfect! We needed each other to lift the weight of all that death and divorce until we were ready to face it all on our own.

Ugh, Sorry. SOB STORY. I know that’s not the ending we were all hoping for and trust me no one hates a sad ending more than me but you know, life works in weird and mysterious ways. Broken hearts or not, you just keep moving forward. So here, how about I cure all of our broken hearts with the real ending. I’m back bitches!!! Better than ever. Every tough thing that comes my way is just another opportunity to show ‘em what I’m made of. You can patch those holes in the heart, you can let go of the weight of loss, and you can kick some serious ass while you do it. In case you were wondering where I went….I was LIVIN folks!! I moved into a new house (it’s actually rickety and old but it’s totally me), I quit my job, I started my own business, and I’m back telling my stories by bloggin' my little heart out. 

In the words of the great LL Cool J...Don’t call it a come back. I’m gonna knock you out!

[aethelar]

my real question is what reasons 1-75 are

owlgirl1998 reblogged your post and added:

3) Where’s Patagonia it sounds lovely?

ALRIGHT PEOPLE LISTEN UP

PATAGONIA IS THE SOUTHERNMOST PART OF SOUTH AMERICA, A REGION THAT INCLUDES BOTH CHILE AND ARGENTINA

IT’S THE MOST FRIGGIN GORGOUS PLACE IN THE WORLD

NO SERIOUSLY IT’S BEAUTIFUL

I SHIT YOU NOT THE SKY IS BLUE

LIKE YOU THINK YOU KNOW THIS BUT MY GOD YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT THE SKY IS BLUE UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN HOW FECKING BLUE THE SKY CAN BE

AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT THE OUTSIDE WORLD IS A FABULOUS FABULOUS PLACE BUT IN THE TOWNS THEY HAVE A GREAT APPRECIATION OF (A) SUBLIME CHURCHES AND (B) CHOCOLATE WORTH KILLING FOR NO JOKE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOES IN THIS HOT CHOCOLATE BUT I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S STRAIGHT UP AMORENTIA BECAUSE MY GOD

GLACIERS MY FRIEND BIG ASS GLACIERS THIS FUCKER IS PERITO MORENO GLACIER AND IT’S OVER 70M TALL M E T E R S 70 METERS

AND YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT NO ONE GOES TO PATAGONIA IN WINTER BECAUSE IT’S COLD AND TRANSPORT STOPS WORKING AND YOU GET RANDOMLY SNOWED IN WITH FOOD SUPPLIES DWINDLING BUT MY FRIENDS THESE FAIR WEATHER PEOPLE ARE MISSING OUT BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WE SHARED THIS GLACIER WITH???

FOUR. FOUR OTHER PEOPLE. AND WE DIDN’T LIKE SHARING SO WE WALKED DOWN A BIT AND GOT OUR OWN PRIVATE STRETCH OF GLACIER WHERE WE COULD HEAR THE ICE CREAKING AND SINGING AND CAN YOU DO THAT WITH CROWDS? I THINK NOT FUCKERS

AND ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE ESTEEMED KING PENGUINS WITH GIANT FLUFFBOMB CHICKS LOOK AT THEM AND WEEP BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU I WAS SOBBING UGLY TEARS AND IT WAS SO DAMN COLD AND WINDY THAT I GOT BLOWN OVER AND FROZE TO DEATH BUT I’D DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT BECAUSE ACTUAL PENGUINS

WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED IF THE EAGLES OF MANWE CAME WHEELING OUT FROM BEHIND THE FITZ ROY??? YES FOOLS BECAUSE THOSE LIVE IN NEW ZEALAND IT’S CONDOR COUNTRY OVER HERE AND HOLY FUCK CONDORS CAN MOVE THEY’RE LIKE SUPER FAST AND HUGE IT’S AMAZING

BY THE WAY WE DID TRY AND CLIMB THE FITZ ROY AND IT WENT BADLY BECAUSE THE WEATHER WENT FROM THE LOVELINESS YOU SEE ABOVE TO THIS ARSECRACK OF A DAMP SQUIB

AND IT KEPT GETTING WORSE UNTIL WE HAD TO TURN AROUND AND LEG IT AND WE GENUINELY THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO FALL OFF AND DIE BECAUSE WE COULD SEE ZIPPO ANYWHERE IT WAS HILARIOUS

IS THIS A LLAMA NO IT IS NOT BAMBOOZLED AGAIN IT’S A LLAMA’S WILD COUSIN THE GUANACO AND THESE THINGS DEFY PHYSICS I SWEAR BUT ALSO MEGA CUTE

AND INCIDENTALLY

THE FOOD

I DON’T HAVE A PICTURE BECAUSE MY HANDS WERE BUSY EATING BUT THEY DO LAMB IN A BIG WAY AND YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN QUANTITIES OF MEAT UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN QUANTITIES OF MEAT LIKE THE SOUTH AMERICANS SERVE IT IT CAUSED ME ACTUAL PHYSICAL PAIN TO EAT THAT MUCH FOOD BUT I WOULD NOT STOP IF YOU PAID ME

SO IN SUMMARY FRIEND

IF YOU EVER HAVE HERMIT DESIRES GET THYSELF TO PATAGONIA PRONTO AND MAKE SURE YOU GO IN WINTER

YOU WILL GET SNOWED IN

YOU WILL SPEND OVER AN HOUR WALKING AROUND A MOSTLY DESERTED TOWN TRYING TO FIND SOMEWHERE OPEN THAT SELLS BREAD

YOU WILL BUILD AN ALTAR OF SOCKS TO THE FIRE AND TAKE OUT THE KNEECAPS OF ANYONE WHO DARES STEAL YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE

YOU WILL STAND ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN WITH YOUR ARMS OUTSTRETCHED AND THE ONLY OTHER HUMAN BEING YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SEE IS THE GOOF YOU DRAGGED WITH YOU

YOU WILL WALK APPROXIMATELY TWENTY MILES A DAY AND MOST OF IT WILL BE UPHILL

YOU WILL SORELY MISS TREES

YOU WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT HOW FUCKING BLUE THE FUCKING SKY IS

OR HOW PRETTY IS IT

IN SHORT

GET THYSELF TO PATAGONIA

AND CRAP I FORGOT TO MENTION THEY HAVE FLAMINGOS AND FOXES AND SEA LIONS AND BIRDS AND ALL OF THAT

AND CULTURE AND HISTORY THE PEOPLE OF TIERRA DEL FUEGO DIDN’T WEAR CLOTHES BECAUSE WET CLOTHES? EEEWWW SO THEY JUST PUT ANIMAL FAT ON THEIR BARE SKIN  AND WHEN THE EUROPEANS ARRIVED THEY WENT WTF???? WHY AND BROUGHT SOME OF THE PEOPLE BACK WITH THEM TO EUROPE TO TEACH THEM TO BE “CULTURED” AND THESE PEOPLE LEARNT THE LANGUAGE AND WORE THE CLOTHES AND DID EVERYTHING THEY WERE ASKED BUT WHEN THE EUROPEANS TOOK THEM HOME TO TEACH THEIR FAMILIES THEY STRIPPED RIGHT BACK OFF AND WENT BACK TO BARE SKIN AND FAT AND THE EUROPEANS JUST WENT NO WAIT WHY SO THEY SAID “WE’VE HAD OUR TIME AS SAVAGES NOW WE’RE BEING ACTUAL PEOPLE AGAIN SO PISS OFF YOU BARBARIANS” WELL NOT IN THOSE EXACT WORDS BUT MEANING STRONGLY IMPLIED AND THE EUROPEANS HAD TO ACCEPT THAT THEY WERE BARBARIANS WHO COULDN’T COMPARE WITH LOCAL SUAVITY AND STYLE

AND AND AND THE MAGELLAN STRAIT LIKE HELLO HISTORY BEAGLE CHANNEL LET ME JUST LIE DOWN ON THIS DECK AND DIE

PATAFUCKINGGONIA BITCHES