#I found their old tray files but Yikes

[teddybearsims]

old faces made new

[umbureraakademi]

Introductory Note About the AU & Other Chapters & Face Claims

-a/n start-

[Potential spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen or finished TUA Netflix series but seriously how could you stop yourself from watching such a captivating show.]

Word Count: 1874

Some good old best friend/family time <3

-a/n end-

Chapter 18

Monica was a mess as she sat on the steps to the police precinct, checking her phone every five minutes to see if Jessica had received her three miscalls. She was heartbroken, but of course she had to go back to drain the coffee out of the cup Diego used and wash it, restore Chuck’s desk in the best order she could (though she wasn’t confident with how she put the files back together), pick up her bag, turn the lights off and lock up the office. It appears Klaus had already left by the time she went back inside.

Her encounter with Diego and Klaus was enough emotional wreckage for the night, she didn’t need a scolding the following morning - if she even decided to show her face again knowing Diego would be there. 

She sighed in frustration as she tried to dial Jessica again for the fourth time, finally feeling a wave of relief when she answered this time.

“Jessie? Where are you? I fucked up…”  

The Movie Theater

What was supposed to be a simple movie date turned into a steaming makeout session in the dark recesses of the movie theater. Ben and Jessica were completely ignoring the fact that they had paid for tickets to watch the movie, not do something they could do (and even go a lot further) at the privacy of their room.

As their tongues tangled together and their hands roamed around each other’s bodies Jessica’s phone vibrated for the fourth time in her pocket. It was Ben who had to break from the kiss, annoyed by the constant ringing.

“That one is pretty persistent.” Ben whispered.

“Ugh, I swear if this is Alice asking how to use the thermostat again I’m going to kill her.” Jessica whispered, just as annoyed as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. A look of surprise and concern crossed her face, which Ben noticed due to the light on the phone illuminating her face.

“Something wrong, love?” he asked.

“It’s Maica.” Jessica answered, looking at Ben before she answered, keeping her voice low as they were still in the movie theater. “Maica? I’m at the movies with Ben… what? What do you mean you fucked up?” 

Ben was unable to make the conversation clear as her voice was too low and the movie sound effects got louder, so he thought he would actually watch the movie for the meantime. It wasn’t until Jessica ended her call and grabbed Ben’s hand that he looked at his girlfriend again.

“We need to go. Now.” Jessica demanded.

“What? But the movie’s still on.” Ben pointed out.

“Benjamin Jones.” 

Yikes. He thought, when Jessica said his name like that she didn’t have to say it twice. “Okay, let’s go.” 

Back at the Precinct

The rejection was eating her alive and she didn’t know how much longer she could last before she would breakdown. Whenever she felt this bad she always thought back to the times where she felt that blissful, familiar numbness after popping some pills into her mouth.

Sometimes the numbness is the only thing that protects you from the pain.

Monica let out a soft sob remembering her own words back when the pain of losing her mother only consumed her more and more as time went by until she could no longer bear feeling anything. That was when she started searching for dealers, buying pills, taking them when Jessica wasn’t around so all she could do when she was around was deal with her already high best friend. 

When she met with her drug dealer one time he regretted to inform her that he was convinced to sell the drugs meant for her to another guy who seemed desperate. Enraged and feeling scammed, Monica was, in turn, able to convince her dealer to tell her about the guy and where she could find him. Soon she found herself slamming against the door of a dingy apartment. 

That's when she met Klaus. 

It was her mother's death anniversary. 

"Maica."

Monica was stirred from her daze as she looked up to see Jessica standing in front of her, not too far Ben was also getting out of the car he parked right in front of the precinct. Jessica bent down so their eyes were leveled, her heart aching staring into her best friend’s tearstained, bloodshot eyes.

“Jessie…” Monica said softly in response, fresh tears welling up and starting to sting her already sore eyes.

“Let’s get you home.” 

Monica and Jessica’s Apartment

Ben was standing at the corner of Monica’s room as Jessica stood in front of a despondent Monica after the latter told her of what transpired this evening. When Alice saw them coming in all it took was for Jessica to shoot her a ‘this is no time for your weird shit’ look for her to keep quiet and behave on the couch while they got into Monica’s room for an urgent family meeting.

“This is exactly what I was afraid of.” Jessica said, trying to give some tough love while being the gentle, young mother figure she is.

“I know, I never thought Klaus would just pop up like that.” Monica responded, falling backwards on her bed in a defeated manner. 

“You really never told Diego? About everything?”

“No…”

“Why?”

“I… I really liked him…”

“And?”

“I didn’t want him to see me differently… just because of that…” 

“And look where it’s gotten you.”

Monica didn’t say anything after that as she turned to her side, grabbed one of her pillows and curled up against it, burying her face into its softness.

“C’mon, love. You’re too hard on her.” Ben said as he approached the two women and sat on the bed next to Monica’s curled up figure. 

“Ben…” Jessica said warily and Ben held up his finger as if to say ‘I’ve got this’.

“Maica, darling…” he said softly, placing a hand on one of her shoulders. “C’mon, now. Get up and talk to us. We’re only saying these things because we care about you.” he said, caressing her shoulder as if to encourage her to sit up and talk to them again. This seemed to work as Monica loosened her grip on the pillow and slowly sat up, turning her attention to Ben as Jessica sat on the other side.

“This is so messed up. I don’t… I don’t know what to do. He won’t listen to me. I don’t want to lose him. I…” Monica explained but stopped herself suddenly, a familiar lump forming in her throat that prevented her to say what she really felt as it only made her feel worse.

“Love him?” Ben finished for her, the silence that followed and the looks she gave him and Jessica were confirmation enough. Jessica sighed and placed a hand on her best friend’s lap as a sign of comfort as she looked at Ben then to Monica.

“Seriously your taste in men is questionable.” she said, and enjoyed a small victory in seeing a smile crack in Monica’s face.

“Admit it you liked Diego even just a little bit.” Monica responded. 

“Wouldn’t say I liked him. Just maybe preferred him over Klaus.” 

“The abs?”

“Yes, the abs.”

“Whoa, all right then. That’s about enough.” Ben interrupted, feigning an offended tone as the two women giggled. 

“Well, too bad he’s not speaking to me ever again.” Monica said with a sigh.

“Now come on, if he’s into you as well he’ll come around. If not then…” Ben paused as the two women looked at him, expecting him to finish. “Didn’t they say they had another brother?” at his inappropriate joke Monica punched him in the arm, but was laughing a bit which they guessed was all right.

“Fuck you.” she said in mock spite. Suddenly there was a knock at the door which grabbed all their attention. It was Ben who got up to open it, where they saw Alice holding up a tray with three glasses of what appeared to be a milky substance with ice and small black orbs at the bottom, each glass accompanied with a big straw.

“I made milk tea. It makes you fat. But it helps with sadness.” she said.

“Where did you get the ingredients to make those?” Jessica questioned.

“It’s a secret only Asians know. Please partake in it.” as she said this she carefully made her way into Monica’s room and stood in front of the trio, waiting for them to take a glass. The three exchanged tentative glances for a moment before they each took a glass. Alice then quickly went back to the kitchen to set the tray down before going back into Monica’s room with her own glass of milk tea.

She proceeded to sit on the floor right across from Monica, staring up at her with a piercing expression as if she was waiting for her to take a sip while she hovered her own lips on her straw. Creeped out but appreciative of Alice’s efforts, she took a sip from the milk tea and was pleasantly surprised by the sweet mixture and the chewy black orbs. 

“Not bad.” she complemented, prompting Jessica and Ben to exchange glances before taking a sip from their own glasses and nodding their heads in agreement. Alice’s face lit up as she took a sip too.

“We have a pact then.” she said.

“What?” the three said in unison.

“Nothing. I shall continue consuming my milk tea and retire to my nest.” and with that Alice had gotten up and exited Monica’s room as quickly as she had gotten inside. 

“I’m starting to think your cousin is half-alien not half-Japanese.” Monica commented.

“I always thought the same thing ever since I saw her mixing and matching the body parts of her dolls when we were little.” Jessica said. 

“Body parts?”

“Yes. Body parts.”

“This is probably bad for me but I don’t want to be rude.” Ben muttered to himself, assessing whether or not he should continue taking the drink in his hand. “Anyway, going back to you, darling.” he said as he turned to Monica. “Seriously this time, if he feels the same way about you, he’ll come around. He just needs some space to think.” he said, resulting in Monica to sigh heavily as she stirred the straw in her glass of milk tea.

“I wouldn’t know what to do tomorrow when I see him…” she said softly.

“Take a sick day tomorrow, Maica. You might need some time to yourself as well to think about what you want to say to him.” 

“Ben’s right. Maybe one sick day can help cool both your heads off. It’s just going to be painful for the both of you to see each other at the height of all this.” Jessica agreed.

Monica smiled appreciatively at her two friends, thankful that although her heart was in pieces she had these two - and even the strange Alice - to try and keep the pieces in place. Ben reached out with his free hand to pull Monica into a hug, letting go so Jessica could do the same.

“You guys make the best parental best friends. Thank you so much.”

[fordarkisthesuede]

At the Brink of Midnight - Chapter 11

IT’S FINALLY HERE! REJOICE!!!

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Important Spoiler Tags:  past suicide attempt (mention), death (mention)

(Read on Ao3 or Continue Below:)

Chapter 11:  A Laughing Matter

The ride to Jackie Lant’s apartment was fast and quiet. Bruce wasn’t sure why, as John had a tendency to talk a lot when they were riding around before, and would talk about almost anything.

John was mulling over something, and when asked, John had shrugged and said “just some things”.

Like Bruce couldn’t worry over a response like that. He figured it had to have been what happened at the Main Street Diner. John’s street make-up was back on, and done just as impeccably this time, but with the addition of heavy black eyeliner, so it wasn’t as if he’d left in a rush.

Jackie’s apartment was high up in a building that had definitely seen better days. The neighborhood wasn’t one of the best, either – Bruce had visited it many times, always late at night, and he was sure he’d been on the other side of the apartment building on a case long, long ago.

They entered through the rooftop door, which it seemed no one had bothered to lock. (Not that Bruce was surprised – he was the only one in the city who made a habit of flying roof-to-roof, and anyone who walked up to any building’s roof at night was up to nothing good ninety-five percent of the time. Raids by blimp or helicopter were few and far between, thankfully.)

“Kind of reminds me of Arkham,” John (no, Joker, they were outside together) commented in a hushed voice as he shook the rainwater off his borrowed fedora. The stairwell was vaguely reminiscent of the asylum’s, but rather than white-washed brick, it was bare and aged, and it didn’t have the large glowing florescent lights hanging on the walls. There was just a small light in the middle of the staircase leading down.

“Her place is just on the fourth floor,” Bruce said, leading the way with light steps. He was always careful about stairs; he never knew if someone was sitting below a set.

The metal door leading into the hallway was lighter than it looked. Peeling red wallpaper greeted them, and the dark wooden floor had seen better days, but it wasn’t the worst apartment building Bruce had ever set foot in. It’d be a four out of ten, if he was feeling generous… The water stains on the ceiling certainly detracted from that generosity.

“If I hadn’t been spoiled by your place, I’d say this was pretty nice,” John muttered, grinning over at Bruce.

Bruce bit back the comment that it was only because John had no decent standard of living, and gave a very small smile in return. He remembered the little place John had made for himself back at the Old Five Points – the Ha-Hacienda, as he had called it. He’d taken what was a run-down little shack and thrown his heart into it, putting up pictures and lights like it was a real home.

He’d tried going back there the day after John had fallen off the bridge, but John had somehow managed to smuggle most of his things out of there to one of his friend’s places, and now they were impossible to find. It hurt to think about.

Jackie Lant had the corner apartment, overlooking the back. Working the lock-picks in the door took so little time Bruce found himself thinking he should find a way to pressure someone into making a policy that apartment managers had to upgrade their client’s locks every few years.

The beam of light stretching in from the hallway cast his shadow over the place, but he could already see it was much homier than Dr. Crane’s, despite it being smaller than Bruce’s master bedroom.

He stepped inside, John (Joker) following him and immediately making a line for the dresser. Bruce decided to look elsewhere.

Posters were plastered and pinned all over the walls, most of which were for movies or famous plays. There were also over a dozen flyers mixed in, like those handed out for amateur gigs, and they all seemed to be for copyright-infringing shows at Gotham University or South End High School; the dates were in line with Jackie’s educational attendance.

There was a cheap wire shelving unit holding all matter of things – books, DVDs, and bits of décor that almost all looked like they came right out of the Halloween section of a D.I.Y. store. Casting a look over at the bed (it didn’t have a frame, it was just two mattresses piled on top of one another, but was a bed) told him it wasn’t just a seasonal thing, either; there were two different pumpkin-shaped cushions and the blanket on top was patterned with smiling jack-o-lantern faces.

At least she had a variety of different tastes:  romance, fantasy, popular YA literature, used psychology textbooks… There were some horror novels in the mix, but it looked more…pulpy than anything. Her little movie collection had a few of the same titles as Crane’s, too, but they looked to be either from the more popular franchises or cheesy b-movies.

Bruce cast a look at the kitchen unit – nothing spectacular, but he should go through the cupboards, just in case she’d hidden anything in there…

“Bats,” Joker called, frowning at the strung-up photos in front of the desk on the back wall, “can your gadgets scan faces?”

“Something like that,” Bruce answered, stepping towards him. Some photographs were placed directly above the desk, adjacent to the window surrounded by string lights with jack-o-lantern faces. They were hung up by laundry clips on wire wrapped around a combination of nails and tiny peel-and-stick hooks. Looking at them made Bruce think of John’s photos, all arranged in a smiley-face wherever he went.

The pictures were all group photos, varying in age, and it didn’t take a genius to notice that the last several pictures all held the same people, but dwindling in number. Bruce clicked a button on his visor, and waited as the Batcomputer scanned the faces he honed in on and ran through its database of connections to news and GCPD files. Jackie Lant was easily recognizable, due to her curly red hair, but in a few pictures she was very young. The oldest photo was just of her and another little girl, looking up into the camera with the sort of wide-eyed innocence that only children could really have.

He checked his gauntlet, and decided to go from the bottom to the top.

Richard Seed, deceased.

Zoe Smith, deceased.

Angela Maynard, deceased.

Deceased, deceased, deceased. It was just one after another, two of which happened one month apart, and half of the death records were pulled from the GCPD – car accidents, crossfire shootings, muggings gone wrong... The earliest death was almost fifteen years ago, when a missing girl was found wrapped in a rug by a dumpster.

Bruce cast a look back at the photo of the seven-or-eight-year-old Jackie Lant, and remembered her mention of how the formative years played a lot into one’s psyche.

The only people left alive came from the middle bunch of photos:  Dean Norton, who still lived in Gotham, and Veronica O’Reilly, who hadn’t lived there for a little over a decade. Dean showed up in only one photo near the end of the bunch, too, where he was with three other people who had passed away within the last four years.

Bruce thought back to the list of contacts she had on her FriendBook. He didn’t remember seeing any R.I.P. posts or anything like it in her timeline, but he’d checked out the people she contacted most on there, and none of them were dead… “Have you seen any other photos?”

“Just two on her dresser – pretty sure it’s her parents and… I dunno, an older guy, so maybe an uncle?”

“I’m beginning to think you were right,” Bruce grumbled, clicking off the scanning feature in his cowl, “Jackie Lant’s current friends might not really be friends. Almost all the people shown here are dead.”

“Yikes,” Joker winced, “and I thought I had it bad, with most of mine in jail…”

“Did you find anything in the dresser?”

“A few spare bullets and a box of condoms. You know, the essentials,” he joked.

Bruce cast a look down at the desk. A laptop and a tray of loose papers. “Check the closet. If she hid Crane’s stuff here, the only spot left is there or the kitchen.”

“On it,” Joker said confidently, swinging open the flimsy panel doors behind them. “Though I would think I’d scatter them all over the place… You know, put the drive in a bag and tape it inside the toilet tank. That kind of thing.”

Bruce flicked through the pile of paper – mostly the bills for rent, insurance, and student loans, at least two of the latter bearing ‘OVERDUE’ stamps. “Then check there, too. Follow your instinct.”

“Ha ha, okaaayyyy,” John drew out quietly, shifting through a pile of clothes. Jackie seemed to prefer yellows and reds; Bruce remembered her work clothes looking rather nice, and wondered if she hadn’t spent more money on them than anything else.

Bruce opened the laptop on her desk, mindful of the speakers she had plugged into it knocking over the well-loved stuffed cat sitting there. The lock-screen was password-protected and the hint was “check the handbook”.

Handbook…? Hadn’t he seen something with that?

Bruce returned to the shelf – The Handbook for the Recently Deceased sat next to an empty candlestick holder molded in the shape of a raven.

Sure enough, it was a blank journal with a list of contact information (birthdays and death dates were listed, too, much to Bruce’s surprise) and passwords to different sites – banks, her social media, and even a bloggr account – with the laptop’s password written on a sticky note in the front:  Pumpk1nPr1nc355.

“Hey, Batman, I found somethiiing,” Joker called, tugging out a heavy-looking lock-box. “Hidden right under the loose floorboard, how cliché… Ooh, you looking into her laptop?”

“I figured it might give an insight into her, if she didn’t have Crane’s work copied onto it.”

“Right. You look at that, I’m going to poke around her bathroom for a key to this thing.”

Bruce wanted to question that, but Joker left without another word, a confident smile on his lips.

Jackie Lant’s laptop hummed to life. It seemed it had been in hibernation mode – her browser was still open to her email.

Bruce read through the headers:

New post from Batman Watch

New post from Gotham-Sucks

[!] Application for job #P283451

[!] Application for job #E7990S2

We’re sorry to inform you that your…

New post from Gotham-Sucks

RE:  St. Mary’s Mental Ward Position...

RE:  Hopkins Mental Clinic application

BatmanChick96 replied to your post

[!] Application for job #8714E03

Bruce could deduce without even opening any of them that the application notifications were rejections. Judging by the bloggr notifications, she was likely trying to leave the city. Scrolling down further and seeing the list of rejected applications amidst the odd bank statement and old blog notifications told him she’d been trying to do leave Gotham for months.

That explained why she wanted to steal Crane’s work – she must have figured that she could take it and run out of the city, publish it with her name attached, and make something out of it. In her mind, he supposed, she had bills to pay and not much to lose.

He opened her file browser; thankfully it looked like she was the type to keep all her files fairly organized. There was what looked like a folder for her old school documents, a folder for her Arkham internship-employment, tax folders… A quick search said the only thing with Crane’s name in it was a term paper on Working Through Grief and some copies of his work, though they weren’t opened in over a year.

Looking under her recent files, she had a video labeled with a date from several days ago, and she did have a webcam… Maybe she was the type to vlog.

“Whelp, nothing in there… What’d you find?” Joker asked, coming to stand behind Bruce and lean on the back of the rolling office chair.

“Hopefully, a video log.”

“Well press play, then! Maybe she’ll just tell us where she stashed Crane’s stuff. I’m going to be mad if it’s not in that safe…”

Bruce double-clicked the video dated several days ago.

Jackie Lant sat in front of the desk, pushing back the laptop screen until she was entirely in view. She threaded her fingers together under her chin, on level with her hair, and and gazed right at the camera with an intense focus as she breathed deep.

“Normally, I try not to talk too openly in these sessions, in case I have one of those Agents monitoring me like everyone seems to think we do, but just in case I fail miserably, or Professor Crane decides to bury me in his backyard, I want to say something. I’m probably going to regret this video later… Then again, if everything works out, I’m going to delete this and pretend it never happened anyway.”

Jackie shrugged, folding her arms on top of her desk.

“There’s…no going back for me, now. I had to keep telling myself that if I did… If I did, then I might as well just throw myself off of the bridge tomorrow. I’m in too deep. I know too much. I’ve…seen too much.”

The young woman scowled slightly down at her hands.

“I can’t pretend that I’m not going to regret anything. I already regret a lot. I don’t think I’d be at this point if I’d chosen a theater major,” she said with a slight hint at a smile. “But in case something happens, I just really want to say – I’m the one who tried to kill Dr. Jonathan Crane, and stole all of the research that would’ve given evidence pertaining to his unethical experiments at Arkham Asylum. I’m hoping someone will find his bloated corpse floating around the docks or face-down in a pool of his own blood in the street,” she continued with a nasty curl of her lip that lasted all but a couple of seconds. “If not, then I failed, and I’m probably dead already, either by Dr. Crane himself, or Bruce Wayne, for taking advantage of him like I am tonight. I wouldn’t blame him for it, honestly…” She looked down, regret flashing in her eyes. “He and I both have mobster blood in us, I’d be surprised if he didn’t want to kill me for letting his friend get hurt and not doing anything to stop it… It’s what Great-Uncle Finger would do.”

Jackie looked back up at the camera, sincerity peeking through a steely gaze.

“But I am sorry to whoever might get caught in the middle. I hope there’s none, but… If I could see the future, then I would’ve swallowed that bottle of ibuprophen years ago.”

The video cut out after a moment, and Joker immediately leaned over Bruce to click through the video folder, his eyes shining in the light of the bright screen. “She’s got to have more. Something,” he muttered, and promptly played a video dated nearly six weeks ago in a folder marked “personal vlogs”.

The first thing Bruce noticed was that Jackie still had her long ponytail, giving credit to the date on the filename. The second detail was that she looked rather conflicted, even as she just sat there hugging herself in her jack-o-lantern blanket.

“I had…an epiphany, last night. I normally would’ve done this when I got home, but… I couldn’t. I was too… I’m not sure. Not scared… Bewildered, I guess is the right word. Dr. Crane invited me over to his house again, yesterday. I thought, ‘yeah, last time was nice, despite the talk about death in the middle, why not’? It was okay, at first. You know, home-made pumpkin spice lattes, catch-up about how I’m doing, gossiping about patients’ sessions I have to sit in on… And then we got onto the topic of Gotham, somehow. I think I asked him why he stayed here, since he had the means to leave, and he just…”

She was half looking into the camera with general disbelief.

“He said he liked it. He thinks all the general misery is fun to study. I didn’t know what else to say to that, so I tried to change the subject, and asked what he thought of Batman, because…I mean, what normal person doesn’t like him, right? And he thinks he’s fascinating. Or…really, he thinks the effect Batman has on the city is fascinating. He thinks the way criminals fear him is interesting. So… I just said, ‘yeah, that makes sense, you like studying human behavior around fear, don’t you?’”

She got quiet, but stared dead at the camera.

“He lit up at that. Like, the happiest I think I’ve ever seen him. He actually smiled a little,” she pressed, leaning forward to emphasize her point before sitting there with her arms on the table. “So, I figured that had to be good. We talked about his work for a really long time - I still remember going through bits of it at school, and I did genuinely like his stuff, so he walked me through his last one, and I guess I said something right, because… He said he was testing something special for his current research, and he asked what my worst fear was.”

She paused and sat up straight, crossing her arms again.

“I mean, I’m not stupid enough to ask why. I can guess why. So I told him my old one so it’d be believable. And he just looks at me and says ‘So imagine I can manifest those roaches before your eyes. What would you do?’” She phrased in a fairly good imitation of Crane’s pitch, “I said I didn’t know; probably squish as many as possible while screaming my head off, and he…he just said, ‘Yes, that’d be interesting, wouldn’t it?’”

She stared down at the surface of the desk, almost in awe.

“And I just… I just realized, right there, that he was making something to do that to patients. I never asked him about what he did in sessions, but… I’m allowed to peek at almost everyone’s notes to look at the progress of certain patients, and it just…hit me. He’s why some of them are regressing.”

She was quiet for a minute, only shifting to get comfortable again, and staring out the window by the desk.

“And I couldn’t help but think, ‘that IS interesting’. I thought that, and I meant it, and I hate that I thought it at all. And… I know that secret, now. I have to carry it around with everything else.”

Jackie stared a little longer, first out the window, then at her desk, and then she swiveled the chair and moved to click the mouse with an irritated scowl.

“Fuck it.”

That was certainly enlightening… Bruce had wondered how Jackie had developed the idea to steal his research – she’d apparently known for weeks already, before she’d reached out to him days ago and asked for his help. He wouldn’t have been surprised if it was her who had prevented him from seeing John, solely to drum up his suspicion and get him invested in her idea of helping her steal Crane’s files.

(Though he couldn’t see her knowing everything else in-between. There was no way she knew he stole Crane’s fake drugs from the lab, or that they would walk right by John that day, or that John would break out of his cell at all.)

John was already clicking to another video, a determined frown on his long face.

“Joker, that’s enough,” Bruce said, moving to stop him, but Joker was just fast enough to start a new one, dated almost four weeks ago, and it caught his attention enough that he let John’s hand go.

Jackie Lant faced the webcam with her head in her hand, taking deep breaths, and on the third, she turned her gaze to the window to her side.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I really, really, don’t.”

The look in her eyes was furious, despite her relatively flat expression.

“I hate it when people say it’s ‘the little things in life’ – they always mean ‘oh, life’s not so bad, just look at this fucking rainbow’, like that will make everything better for you,” she grumbled, turning to look at the camera. “It’s like, ‘hey, you ever see a guy get stabbed in the middle of the road? Just fucking stabbed? And you’re in your car, you have to keep driving, because you’ll be penalized for being late to work, and if you go out there and try to do something about it, you’ll be stabbed, too. And you have to just…pretend like you didn’t see anything. That everything is perfectly fine. It’s just…a little thing,’” Jackie finishes, a lopsided smile tugging on the corner of her mouth for a moment, and then it faded into a flat line. “I tried texting Dean about it, since he was there when Michelle got killed, and he just… He said ‘that’s how life is around here, you gotta be tough’.”

Jackie stared at the table, her eyes glistening slightly, the anger never leaving them.

“Four years… Four years, and that’s what seeing her die in the fucking street has reduced that to. Just another part of life in Gotham.”

She blinked away the tears threatening to fall, taking the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe at her face properly for a moment.

“I tried telling Ver’ about it, too – not directly, just, ‘hey I’m feeling super awful and I hate my life.’ And all she said was, ‘Look on the bright side! It’s the little things that make life worth living!’” she paraphrased in a falsetto sort of voice, her brows furrowing. “Fuck her. Just…fuck her. She can come live in Gotham for a day, see if she can look on the fucking bright side…”

Jackie grunted to herself, rubbing her face into her hands for a moment, and when she reappeared, she had a steady gaze.

“I just have to shove all this down, I guess. Like I don’t already do that all the time.” She stared right at the screen, as if watching herself, and her face grew soft and contemplative. “I’ll just put it next to the thoughts of how I threw my dreams down the gutter, or how much I’d rather risk taking the train to East End than having to work at Arkham one more day,” she added spitefully, despite the glint of humor that crossed over her expression. “I guess I just have to…” She smiled a little wistfully at the camera, even as her eyes dulled. “Smile, though your heart is breaking,” she half-sang.

Bruce heard John snort heavily, as if trying to stifle a laugh, and turned to look just as a loud cackle burst out of him.

John doubled over, clearly trying to stifle his own raucous laugh as he held his stomach like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard.

Bruce almost wanted to punch him, but held himself steady, clenching his fists as John turned away from him, giggling uncontrollably.

Half a year in Arkham wasn’t going to change him. He was always going to find this sort of thing entertaining. Bruce never quite forgot the conversation they had during Harvey Dent’s speech about hunting down the Children of Arkham; John had grinned wide and joked about it all like it wasn’t actually happening, even though they both knew it was. That same man was right there, throwing open the window and laughing like a damn hyena.

John stuck his head out into the pouring rain, letting the water drown out some of the noise as brown hair dye and make-up started to wash away.

“What are you doing?!” Batman’s voice growled out as Bruce shot up and yanked him back out by the collar, angry at him for laughing at all, for doing something so stupid as showing his face, for further washing away the only thing really keeping him safe-

“I-I’m sorry,” John managed, still chuckling to himself as he tried to steady himself upright using Bruce’s shoulder. “It-it’s funny, but I just… I just can’t – hee hee – be-believe… I’m…” He tried to breathe, a grin still plastered on his face, make-up running terribly in what almost looked like tear-tracks on his cheeks as his laughter slowed. The sound of the video continuing on low volume as rain hit the brick and pavement outside was almost loud enough to prevent Bruce from properly hearing him. “I’m sympathizing with her!” He finished, letting out another little burst of laughter.

That was sympathy…?

“I just – oh, geez, that hurts,” John breathed, a slight giggle coming out as he clutched part of the cape draped over Bruce’s shoulder. “When she was threatening you, back at Arkham, I just thought she was like Crane; a weird, more emotional version of him, but… I hated her for it! And it turns out we - we not only having something in common, but she’s like you,” he emphasized, looking up at the white lenses with a bright-eyed look. It made Bruce feel like he was stuck to the floor. “You both just shove your real feelings down so far even I can’t see them! You both just put on your public faces and pretend!”

Bruce was tempted to wipe some of the run make-up away, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the knowing glint in the green eyes that stared up at him, or if was because he just wanted to distract the man from continuing to hit Bruce right in a sore spot.

“I still don’t like her,” he said, “but I don’t hate her anymore. And that’s so ridiculous, because I loathe anyone who even thinks about hurting you, Bruce,” he finished with a laugh, caressing Bruce’s arm through the batsuit.

He didn’t know what to say. What could he even do, in a place like this? In a situation like this? He felt guilt and warmth pile up on one another, and he wanted to tell him he was sorry, and he wanted to reach out and cup his face and get rid of all the color until there was nothing but John left, and he knew what John said wasn’t exactly healthy but it still sent a rush through him and he just wanted to…

It wasn’t the time or place for anything like that. He was Batman. John was Joker. They were supposed to be investigating Jackie Lant so they could get a lead on Crane.

Batman was sturdy. Bruce was sturdy.

“Joker,” he started, forcing himself to maintain eye contact even as John’s pupils dilated slightly in response, “Go wash the rest of that stuff off. I’ll copy over the rest of Jackie’s vlog files.”

“My face looks that bad, huh?”

“A little.”

Joker tore himself away, letting his fingers slide over the armored bicep as he passed by. He couldn’t feel the touch at all, but the gesture was more than enough to give him a pleasant little jolt.

Bruce copied a compressed version of her vlog files to the USB stick he carried in his belt. They might be useful, or they might not. A quick scroll through of the rest of her documents showed nothing nefarious, no hidden files, no detailed plans - not so much as a crude map of the asylum. Her browsing history was pretty normal, though he did see some bookmarks to particular blogs she followed, such as Batman Watch, Gotham’s-Dark-Knight, and Gotham Gazette Official.

Bruce was sure he could reason with her. Jackie Lant was stubborn, but she seemed desperate for someone to talk to, and relied only on herself for everything; she either had a backup plan memorized for if things went south, or she was making it up as she went along. She clearly internalized a lot of pain, and not having an outlet for it besides talking to herself seemed to be the final straw in what drove her to desperate measures of escape.

She would probably be thrown in a jail cell for assault and conspiracy to murder, but Bruce was fairly positive she needed some mental help. If he managed to talk her down, he could likely fix it so she wasn’t thrown with the rest of the wolves in Black Gate. Perhaps he could even transfer her out of Gotham entirely.

The files had almost finished downloading when Bruce heard a metallic clink ringing against tile followed by a muttered curse.

He rushed to the small, dimly-lit bathroom, and was greeted with John standing on the rim of the built-in tub, rubbing his head with one hand and holding what looked like part of the shower-head in the other.

“No need to worry, Bats,” Joker said without even turning around. “Just hit myself a bit on this,” he explained, holding up the outer piece to the shower attachment. “Good news though, I found the key to the safe!”

Joker hopped down, stooped, and picked up a key from the base of the tub, turning to face Bruce with a proud grin. “I knew it must have been in here!”

His face was mostly clear, now. His eyelids were still fairly dark, but it was a lot of make-up to wash away, and it couldn’t have been easy for such a fast job. His eyebrows were back to being green, and there were even chunks of color showing under the temporary hair dye.

Bruce forced himself to focus on the task at hand. “How did you think to look in the showerhead?”

“Jackie’s a super-secretive girl, and I would put a key to a safe holding what I was working my life towards in a place no one would think to loo… And the toilet tank was empty.” He dangled the key in front of their faces. “You want to do the honors, Batman?”

Bruce took the invitation. He dropped the lock-box onto the desk, minding the laptop, and turned the key, pushing away the tiny concerned thought about a potential bomb.

He pushed aside the academic papers Crane had written on top of the pile, and found a stack of Arkham patient notes that Bruce knew he’d comb through later, despite it likely not holding much more information than he already knew. And then, under all that, was Crane’s hard drive.

“See if you can find some plastic bags,” Bruce suggested, leafing through the papers to make sure everything was accounted for.

“No need to look, Batsy,” Joker grinned, and yanked an orange bag from the trench coat’s ticket pocket as if he were pulling out a line of scarves. “Ta-dah!”

“That’ll do,” Bruce answered, unable to stop the minute smile from spreading on his face.

He’d all but tied the handles together and passed it to Joker for safe-keeping when the head-set in his cowl rang obnoxiously in his ear.

“Hello?” He asked in his normal voice.

“It’s just me, Batman,” Tiffany answered, sounding somewhat drained; John mouthed ‘who is it’ as he stepped a little closer. “I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. I’m just having trouble wrapping my head around…everything.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Yeah, well… I also wanted to tell you I got a signal from one of Maroni’s thug’s phones. I’ll send you the coordinates. Is he with you?”

“…yes.”

“Figures… I’ll…discuss that with you another time. Just…be careful out there.”

“Always am.”

“No you’re not,” Tiffany countered with a light-hearted scoff before hanging up.

Notes:  Blargggh, my brain failed me at a critical time, and then today my stomach acted up for about 2 hours, which impeded me further!! Something must have really wanted me to just wrap up this chapter here… That, or they wanted you guys to wait this long. I certainly didn’t!! (T^T)

As always, thank you SO SO much to everyone that comments, reblogs, likes, kudos, bookmarks, or subscribes!!! I said it before and I'll say it again - I love you guys!!! You guys are awesome!!!! (ෆˊ͈ ु꒳ ूˋ͈ෆ) I'm gearing up for some good times comin' soon... REAL good times. Stay tuned next weekend...

[envysim]

Hey! I recently found your blog and was wondering if you had any of your sims on the gallery? If you do, what’s your origin id?

ok so my origin ID is golferrgirl, (it’s something my mom came up with lgkjfd yikes) but i really don’t have any sims up there ? all of my old sims from my first simblr (which i accidentally deleted oops) are there, but they’re all my old sim style and not very cute imo, + there are sims i made for my friends there, so not really anything special. but i’d share my tray files of my legacy sims with a mutual/a friend !

[salty-dracon]

SAFuture- The File

Over dinner, Val tells Brid the reason he’s on the run from the Chosen Empire. But while they’re eating, they’re attacked by one of the waitresses! 

Brid and Val stood outside a restaurant.

“Chang’e?“ Brid asked, reading the sign. “The Chinese goddess of the moon?”

“Yeah.” Val motioned inside. “You said someplace you’ve never been before, right? Well, I doubt you’ve traveled far out of Naples, so... here we are.“

“I guess a tavern would be a nice place to hide in Dungeons and Dragons or something.“ She stared at the sign as Val led her inside. 

The bar was crowded, with people here and there speaking in Italian and English. A waitress walked up to Val and Brid. 

“Hi, how can I help you?“ she asked. 

Val pressed a hundred dollar bill against her palm along with three pennies. “Table for two.”

“Right this way.“ The waitress motioned to the back of the restaurant. She led them through a door, which Brid realized concealed a staircase. She led the two of them down the stairs, to the basement of the building. 

The basement was decorated like the upper floors, except with darker lights and spaced out tables. Another couple was sitting at a table far away, which Brid realized was a very old man with seven-year-old girl with a bruise on her shoulder. Brid’s eyes widened. She was about to lunge forward and draw her knife, but Val held her back. 

“No weapons, ma’am.“ The waitress obstructed her view. “This is a safe room.“

“I’m sorry.“ Brid put her knife away and sat in her chair while the waitress handed her and Val menus. She carefully lit the candle on the table, and then walked away. 

“So, we’re safe here, right?“ Brid whispered. “So... why don’t we chat for a bit. Just get our feelings out?“

“Sounds great.“ Val smiled. “You go first.“

“Well... “ Brid sighed. “Uh, when did I go missing...? About one year in Delavie, right? I told Lumi I’d be visiting an old friend. When I met him, I was excited. I mean, he’s the reason I’m still alive. He was happy to see me too, but then he asked if I could stay with him. I told him no, because I had a family, but then he- got mad. Well, not mad. He said he was disappointed. Right before I left, he knocked me out and the next thing I knew, I was in Russia. According to him, he really didn’t mean any harm- he just wanted me to understand how much he wanted to stay in my life. We started traveling, and taking hit jobs to make money.“

“That explains all the gear.“

“I think we were in Japan when I asked him to take me home. I told him that Lumi probably thought I was kidnapped, and was probably worried sick. He actually got mad that time... he called me ungrateful and selfish. That I didn’t care about him at all. We got in a huge fight, and I ended up trying to run away. He caught up to me and apologized. But he never let me contact Lumi.“

“Jesus.“

“The day you found me, I had actually botched a mission- It wasn’t on purpose. The guy had some hella instincts. He knew I was watching him. When I went in for the kill, he stabbed me in the arm. It wasn’t fatal, and I’d heal- I knew that- but I pretended that an important nerve had been torn. He took me to the hospital right away and told me they’d fix me up. When I was sufficiently deep inside the ER, I broke out and ran away. He figured it out about half an hour later, but by that time, I had already escaped through the subway to the city center.“

“Wow. And then we found each other.“

“Yeah.“

Val’s brow furrowed. “I’m sorry he did that to you. I thought he... cared about you. Oh, god, I’m so sorry. If he finds you, is he gonna hurt you?“

“Maybe.“ Brid’s finger traced circles on the tablecloth.

“Shit. Hey, I’m here for you, okay?“

“Thanks.“ Brid smiled. 

The waiter returned. “May I take your orders?” she asked. 

“Uh, burger. And fries.“ Brid spit out. 

“Will that be a cheeseburger, a veggie burger-“

“Regular. No cheese.“

“Okay. You?“

“Chicken wings with barbecue sauce.” Val said. 

“What drinks?“ The waitress wrote down their choices. 

“Uh, can I get a... fruit punch?“

“Coke.“

“Coming right up.“ The waitress walked away, twirling her pencil.

“Now, it’s your turn,“ Brid said. “What’s up with you?“

“... So, I stayed in SECRET, as you well know, but I changed my base of operations to France. While I was there, my assignment was to investigate underground organizations. Over the past year, this one name kept popping up- Empress Genetika. I compiled all my information on her and created a profile. Basically, she was responsible for a string of monster attacks in France and Portugal before moving on to Germany. Anyway, after some difficult calculations and inferences, not to mention more information collecting, I managed to find her base of operations.“

“And?“

“It’s moved since, probably. I think the entire thing’s an airship. Either way, I snuck in... and, I’m telling you, it’s... unbelievable the kind of stuff she has going on.“

“The kind of thing you can’t stop alone?“

“Not just me. I doubt all of SECRET could stop the army she’s brewing.“

“An army?“

“Picture this, Brid. Lizard monsters. One thousand seven foot tall lizard monsters. Impenetrable armor. Crawling on walls. Tearing everything apart with giant teeth. Resistant to explosions, bullets, sniper rifles... literal human tanks.“

“I’m sure they’re not infallible-“

“No. One thousand is a small number. What if I told you she had the means to create more? What if I told you she did? And not just lizards. Spiders, birds, frogs, bears, cats... “

“How big is this army?“

“Right now, it’s only about five thousand strong. But those five thousand aren’t normal people. They’re superhuman. Those lizard monsters alone could defeat anything out there.“

“...Yikes...“

“Not only that, but some of her modifications look human. They can transform themselves, but when they’re not, they can pass for ordinary people. The only thing that would give them away would be a DNA test. They’re mostly ordinary looking people, but given the nature of this army, I wouldn’t be surprised if some national politicians fit the bill.“

“Oh my god... Empress Genetika, huh?“

“Of the Chosen Empire. Given the rumors, it’s not unlikely that she’s raising a larger scale army and looking to start a war. But that’s not all.“ Val reached for his briefcase. He opened it up carefully and pulled something out. 

“A... hard drive?“ Brid raised one eyebrow. 

“A very special hard drive. Now tell me what you see.“

“It’s... off?”

“Look closer, dammit.“

“Okay. Well, I don’t see any brand name... “ Brid lifted the drive up and rotated it in her hands. Her eyes spotted a strange hole on the outside. “What is that?“ She looked closer. “A needle? And... bloodstains... is this a DNA analyzer?“

“This hard drive’s information can only be accessed if the user inputs a matching DNA sample. And this one matches Genetika herself. And only Genetika.“

“Whatever’s on here can only be accessed by someone with the highest level of clearance possible, then. It could bring down the empire.“

“I’ve already written down the encryption key. All I’d need to access this would be a sample of Genetika’s blood... which I also happen to have.“ Val reached into his briefcase again and pulled out a small pill bottle-sized container. “Her finger.“

“You cut off her finger?!“

“Yep. I think she’s regenerated the whole thing by now, but I have her finger. Which, once thawed, will allow me to access the drive.“

“Then that’s why you’re on the run. They know you stole the drive and have the ability to access it with that finger. You could lay waste to their plots in no time at all.“

“Yup.“ Val nodded. “That was about a year ago. I’ve been on the run ever since. And then I found you, and here we are.“

“Some luck, huh?“

“Yeah.” Val smiled. “I can trust you, right?“

“Yeah. You can trust me. So, where are you headed?“

“Well, I listened around in the Empire for a bit. Genetika’s next target is somewhere in America. So, I’ll be heading home for a bit. You?“

“I’m going home to Lumi.“

“I looked into it, actually. Couple weeks ago. You know she still remembers you? She even celebrates your birthday. And then cries a lot. But yeah. She’ll be happy to see you home. I think.“

“That’s encouraging... “ Brid sighed and stared at the staircase. “Where’s the food?”

“Oh yeah, where is the food? We didn’t order too much, did we?“

“I’ll go ask-“ Brid was about to stand up when she heard the door open. A blonde waitress walked down the stairs, holding a tray in her hand with a burger and a tray of chicken wings on top. 

“Here’s your meal.“ She placed the tray in front of the two of them. “A burger and chicken wings. Enjoy.“

“Uh, can I have buffalo sauce-“ Val raised his hand as the woman walked away.

“Of course.“ The woman nodded. 

Brid sighed. “I wanted fruit punch. I’m thirsty.“

“Yeah, that is weird.“ Val stared at his wings. “They usually serve the drinks alongside the food. Hold on, I’ll ask someone.“

The staircase door opened again and the same blonde waitress walked down. 

“Hey, ma’am?“ Val asked. “Where are our drinks?“

“Drinks?“ The woman looked confused. “Oh, right, water. I’ll be right back-“

“I wanted punch.“

“Punch, right.“

“Extra large coke.“ Val said. “Get her a medium.“

“Got it.“ The woman nodded and ran back upstairs. 

“What happened to our original waitress, anyway?“ Val asked Brid. 

“She must be new. Cut her some slack.“

“Dude, even she can see that all the glasses are the same size.“ Val motioned to the two people at the other table. Although one of them was much younger than the other, they had equal sized glasses. 

“Maybe she’s trying not to be awkward.“

The waitress ran back downstairs with a wine glass filled with fruit punch and a regular glass filled with Coke. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.“ Brid examined the wine glass. Meanwhile, Val was staring at the waitress. 

“I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.“ The waitress began to slowly walk away. Meanwhile, Brid wiped a drop of the red liquid off the glass and licked it off her finger. She made a confused face and stared at the waitress. 

“Yeah, she doesn’t work here, does she?“ Val whispered. 

“Val, this glass... “ Brid held her finger up. It was stained with a deep red liquid. “It has blood on it.“

“RIP waitress.“ Val stood up and pulled his shock baton out of his pocket. He quietly approached the woman. As he was about to pin her to the wall, she turned around. 

“Who the hell are you?!“ he asked. He glanced down at her hands. “Blood on your fingertips. Deep inside your ridges. Scars on the back of your feet.” He rubbed his hand against her cheek. “Unusually rough skin, for a human.“

“Stop... ” The woman shoved him away. 

Behind her, Brid heard movement. A red hand was floating in midair and reaching for the briefcase! She pulled out her gun and began firing. Blood splashed everywhere as the bullets pierced its body. A few seconds later, its full form appeared- a humanoid chameleon, now dead. 

“One of Genetika’s lackeys, huh?“ Val growled. “Safe room, my ass!”

 Brid grabbed the briefcase and held it close to her chest. “We know what you’re after.“

“I expected as much.“ With one bound, the woman sprung clear over Val and across the room. She pointed a submachine gun at Brid and started firing at her. Brid whipped her wings out in defense. Val pulled a pulse pistol out of his pocket and started firing at the waitress, who dodged again. When the waitress began firing at him, Val ducked behind the stairs.

Brid pulled out her weapon and watched it transform into an axe. Still shielding herself, she bounded towards the woman and attempted to slash her. With one well-timed jump, the woman dodged out of range. 

“Frog?“ Val asked. 

“No.“ Brid motioned to her feet, which were covered in yellow fur with black spots. “Cat. My guess is cheetah or serval.“

“She’s smart, I’ll give her that.“ The waitress ran forward, baring cat claws where her fingernails once were. She slashed at Brid, who fought her back with the axe. 

Val’s eyes glowed blue as he watched them fight. He jumped on the wall and ran along the ceiling, looking for an opening. 

“Catch!“ Brid tossed her pistol into the air as the waitress sank her claws into Brid’s wrists. Brid cried out in pain and knocked her away. One bullet to the heart from Val, and she was dead. 

“You okay?“ Val asked, hopping down onto the floor and returning Brid’s pistol to her. 

“Fine.“ Brid wiped the blood from her gloves. “Some safe room this is.”

“So... should I leave a tip, or... “

“She’s dead, man.“

“No, I mean for our other waitress.“

“She’s dead too.“

“...Right.“

“Well, if she found us here, it means the Empire’s onto us. We need to get out of here ASAP.“

“Right.“ Val nodded. “Come on.“ He ran up the steps, carrying the briefcase with him. Brid turned to the other pair in the group, and shot the old man, before escaping. 

[mrrolandtfranco]

How-To: United States of Craigslist, Chalkboard Style!

Ah the trusty old, well-worn, United States of [Thiessen Polygon] Map. But at least I was a relatively early adopter (the original version was made in…yikes!…2011). Sure, this post will show you how to make these boundaries, but more interestingly, it will show you how to make a chalkboard-style map! Now pay attention or teacher will rap your knuckles with a ruler.

There are only a couple key tricks to getting the chalkboard style rolling. The first is using a nice seamless chalkboard texture. The second is in hacking that stippled chalky line style. Here are some resources to get us going…

Data & Resources

A Geocoded table of Craigslist Sites (an Excel file of places, site URLs, and their coordinates) More than meets the eye. Tons of Craigslist sites are combinations of named places (“saginaw-midland-baycity”), generic places that imply specific places (“mendocino county”), and geographically broad generic places (“northeast SD”). So there was lots of manual placing, and heaps of site-duplication to represent the shotgun pattern of multi-city sites.

The United States of Craigslist (link to polygon shapefile download page) You are welcome! This represents lots of dissolving (for multi-location sites), and manual crafting (so orphaned peninsulas actually get assigned to the most drive-able site). I’ll show you how it was made, but in the meantime just cheat and download the results.

Chalkboard Image Assets (a zip with two PNG images) This is the green chalkboard texture used for the background. It’s not easy making a texture image that repeats without obvious edge patterns. This will save you lots of time! Also included is the over-the-top-skeuomorphic image overlay with cute little pieces of chalk and dusty corners, etc. Just adorable.

Ok, time to start dragging our fingernails down this map…

How These States Got Their Shapes

If you’ve ever read this book, or watched this show, you are keenly aware that the United States were carved out in a surprisingly arbitrary, and sometimes accidental, fashion. Let’s take a crack at generating some new states, based on pragmatic economic zones.

I went to Craigslist’s sites page, and copied all the sites for the United States, dropped them into an Excel table (splitting up all the multi-city sites) and geocoded them. While Craigslist shows their own point-map of sites, we need to be more specific, since we’re turning them into polygons.

I added them to ArcGIS as XY events. I marvel at the goodness of visualization every time a table is accribitzed into a map. Fortunately for me, a cartographer, this means I marvel a lot.

Now for some whiz-bang polygon generation! I used the “generate Thiessen polygons” tool. Thiessen (or “Voronoi” to non-map people) polygons divvy up areas that are considered the closest to a seed point, before getting closer to another seed point. In real life, there are lots of practical conditions that would alter these, like natural barriers or road network conditions, etc. But they’ll do for now.

Speaking of natural barriers, the Thiessen polygons stretch out into the oceans. Let’s pull in a shape of the US land and have a look.

Using a “clip” tool, we can chop off the parts of the polygons that don’t intersect land. Like a cookie cutter. Don’t worry, Alaskans and Hawaiians, I’ve included you too, you just don’t play well for screen-captures.

Remember those pesky sites that had multiple places in their name (akron/canton, dallas/ftworth, etc.)? So far, we have a zone for each named place in a craigslist site. The orange lines represent the within-site divisions that we’ll have to dissolve.

Running a “dissolve by attribute” merges the geometry of same-named sites. Now we have some slightly weird, but more truthy, polygons.

Chalkboard Styling

Let’s style this sucker up! Did you know that you don’t have to use a solid color to fill polygons? You can use a hatched pattern (fun), a gradient (use judiciously), or a picture. Since I want the map to look as much like a chalkboard as possible, a simple black or slate colored background won’t cut it. I’ve made a chalkboard texture image to fill my background shapes. Beware, lots of green from here on.

I have a shapefile of continents, and a shapefile of oceans, which happen to combine to fill the screen. You can use whatever file you want, as long as it covers your whole view. Using the chalky image as the picture fill for these polygons gives us a nice chalkboard-looking “basemap.”

In the Layout, you could alternatively just add a rectangle and use this image as a picture fill. Whatever’s easier for you.

Now, to bring in the Craigslist states. But how to make them look like they were drawn with chalk? To me, chalk lines have a chunky, stippled, look from one material being scraped over another material.

If I give the stroke a dashed effect, then randomize the dash-iness (a series of numbers telling the map how many pixels to draw and skip and draw and skip), it has a sort of chalk-like feel. Then if I do the same thing for a second version of the lines, but with a thicker and more transparent stroke, they combine into something that looks pretty good!

Here’s what I used (but, it’s like, random, so feel free to type out your own set of numbers):

Thin Line 2pt, #FFFFFF, 40% transparent Dash template: 4 3 1 6 1 4 8 1 2 3

Thick line 5pt, #FFFFFF, 80% transparent Dash template: 3 2 4 5 2 3 2 5 4

Here’s a closer look at my hack chalk lines…

Time for some United States of Craigslist labeling. I’m using the site name. I chose one of the chalky outline layers, and I turned labeling on. You can monkey with specific details like letter spacing, placement properties, arcing along latitudes, etc. But here the chalk-specific things: Font, color, and effect.

I spent about three minutes looking at script-style fonts on my machine and found MV Boli to be fine. It looks an awful lot like Comic Sans, which I find to be cheeky, but it’s not, so I’m shielded from specific scorn by a technicality. Anyway, it looks reasonably hand-scrawled (I pushed it to all caps).

A pastel color (lighter than you may be thinking) helps convey chalk. I used #BEFFE8 with a transparency of 30%. Then I applied the same color as an outline but with a 70% transparency. This helps with that fuzzy irregular edgedness of chalk.

Since I’m proposing a radical, blood-soaked, re-thinking of states and re-drawing of their borders, it is helpful to draw in the current state boundaries for some context. I picked a similarly pastel-ish chalk color of #FFBEBE. Like my other lines, I applied a somewhat random dash pattern and made a version that is thinner and slightly transparent, and a version that is thicker and more transparent. There. States.

Craigslist states, and real states.

Chalkboard Layout

Ok, time to fine-tune some of the layout and design elements of this thing. I’ve inserted a new layout and added my map. I also made an Alaska version and a Hawaii version in separate map views (just copy/paste the layers) so I can add them to the layout as insets.

Whew. All that geography stuff out of the way. Now it’s time to lob delicious skeuomorphic clutter all over this thing!

In a graphic design tool, I made an image overlay to fit on top of my layout so that its full chalkboard potential could be realized. It includes some vignetting, leftover chalk dust in the corner that never gets fully erased, and of course a fine wooden tray to hold the chalk and eraser.

Yes!

Always sign your work.

Then I dropped in a title image, and we have it! A chalkboard map of the United States of Craigslist. Good times.

Happy Chalkboard Mapping! John

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