#I found out they're gonna assume me as capable to do it until I get the results of the form saying I'm not

[egg-emperor]

man I can't even enjoy my last five days until I'm forcefully inducted into the programme I can't do. because I'm still sick and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not well enough to do anything until right before I have to start it :(

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

@mysral this is your fault

Vaggie  s l o w l y  putting together the pieces of her strangely un-demon-y rescuer’s identity together as she recovers from multiple traumatic amputations in the MANSION this random demon lady brought her back to,

while Charlie (who assumed vaggie knew who she was) (and then Panicked when she realized vaggie did Not Know) frantically runs around her home throwing blankets over incriminating stuff, trying to not freak out the new friend she found dying in garbage-

later she takes Vaggie on a little stroll down a hallway (once Vaggie's capable of like, standing without flopping over) (arm in arm) (so Vaggie doesn't just flop over)

and they walk along in companionable silence for a bit until...

Vaggie: "So.... Miss Morningstar, huh? Sure fits you better than your old man."

Charlie: "(bleats in startled goat noise) HOW DID YOU- I mean, pfft! It's not that big of a- I mean I'm only the third most important- well the second now? With mom gone? But-!

Charlie: (gives up) Yes, that's me. Princess of hell. For all the good THAT does."

Vaggie: "Hey, you're doing a good job, princess. You're at least not letting some random stranger die of her wounds next to dumpster."

Charlie: "Thanks. (sighs) Can you keep calling me Charlie? Please?"

Vaggie: "Charlie. I can't feel my arm you're holding on so tight."

Charlie: "SORRY!"

Vaggie: "And now you've let go completely, I'm falling."

Charlie: "Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry-"

Vaggie: "I can barely stand. Okay? I'm not, running off anywhere anytime soon or whatever."

Charlie: "Okay. Right."

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: "…And the whole princess of hell thing doesn’t freak you out?"

Vaggie: "Nope."

Charlie: "Not even a little?

Vaggie: "I'm more freaked at being found by the one decent person in hell, to be honest."

Charlie: "But the me being princess thing disappointed you, maybe? Thought I'd be taller or something?"

Vaggie: "You? Tall-er? Yeah no. I get neck pain looking up at you already."

Charlie: "I could hunch down!"

Vaggie: "And what, join me in neck pain? You'd have to fold yourself in half to get on eye-level with me, Charlie."

Charlie: "I could do that! I'm very foldable!"

Vaggie: "You're a sweetie. No."

Charlie: "Heheh."

Charlie: ".... how did you find out though? I thought I'd covered-"

Vaggie: (points up at the GIANT FAMILY PORTRAITS of Charlie and the king and queen of hell LINING THE WALLS OF THE HALL THEY'RE WALKING DOWN)

Charlie: "-everyyyyythhhh oh FOR FUCKS SAKE-"

Vaggie: "Nice emo phase, by the way."

Charlie: "SHIT!!!"

Vaggie: "Aw. I think you were cute.”

Charlie: “(distressed goat sounds) Can we just… steeeer ourselves and the conversation down a less embarrassing hallway..?

Vaggie: “Is that you as a baby?”

Charlie: “You know what that’s enough exercise for one day I think you need rest.”

Vaggie: “Is baby you chewing on a-”

Charlie, walking quickly: “Rest!”

then there's Vaggie, ten minutes later, left alone while Charlie- THE PRINCESS. OF. HELL.- runs out to get more bandages and pain killers for her. like this is normal. like this is not a thing to freaked out about

"SHIT!!!!!!"

vaggie's gonna freak out about it a little, tho.

[graylinesspam]

I don't know if it's my never ending need to insert myself into narratives of brotherhood by adding myself a the maternal older sister, or if it's my need to take in stray characters with little to no personality outside of titties, but i really want to rehabilitate Bayverse April.

I honestly think the ninja turtles are the reason I have the first condition anyways. I grew up on the 90s movies with considerably older, aunt April, and that's how I've always seen her. That mixed with my need to take over-sexualized characters and smother them in the "If i can't be loved i will be needed and if i can't be needed I'll be used until there's nothing left of me." personality.

Like nobody gives a shit about April dude. She is the least popular character in the fandoms, no matter the iteration. Which I get it, the guys are fuckin cool, they're gonna be your favorites, but April seriously doesn't get enough love, she's so tokenized. And for the most part the nonshippy fics for Bayverse either write her out or strip her of her bombshell reporter personality. Again i get why, but i'm a little offended.

Can she not contain multitudes? Can she not be hot and also have an actual personality? I'm having way too many thoughts about the way that her and the guys both have serious dysphoria levels of body issues, for exact opposite reasons.

I'm having thoughts about the guys having to learn how to interact with human women through her, and just how to act in general, and yeah sure its weird, she's hot and they're young, it's a little unconfortable at first, but that fades, and she spends so much time just being there, and walking them through so much other shit, supporting them, teaching them, being almost diafied by the whole family guardian spirit thing, that eventually they stop being attracted to her and just think of her as a guide.

April being the shiny distraction that keeps the wider world from looking in their direction. And that kinda sucking for her too. The weight and pressure of fame, and widespread sexualization weighing on her. effecting how she sees herself.

I swear, I know we probably wont get a lot more story after Out of the Shadows. But i always assume that the world loosly follows the idw/rottmnt idea of there eventually being a wider society of mutants that have to integrate with the world. The guys do a lot of public image for that. And April, who will tape her tits up to her chin and stand on an international stage to advocate for her family, but usually spends her time in baggy sweaters helping out at the coop headquarters for mutants. April who trades her body like a commodity and clearly doesn't think much of it. To contrast the way the guys treat theirs like temples and still have a hard time looking in the mirror.

the differing thought processes causing conflict at first, till the guys get a little older and are capable of seeing how bizarrely similar it actually is.

I'm having thoughts about humanity and societal acceptance, and objectification and dysphoria and family. MOSTLY FAMILY.

The guys who would kill and die for anyone they consider family and April who will work herself bloody and throw herself into the line of fire for it.

I am fucking screaming.

She lost her whole family in one night, then found it all over again years later. HOW DOES THAT AFFECT A PERSON? how does she think about family? how does she show them love? how does she learn to interact with and teach them in turn? how does she see herself as part of this family? and what is she willing to do for it?

There's so much foundation here, and yeah, I know they do fuck all with it in the movies. That's why no one cares. BUT I DO. i want to write it so bad.

maybe i'll do a Sleeping Habits type of fic with a string of one shots loosely carving a timeline of their relationship development.

[soulofgenocide]

Sickness

. . THIS WILL BE FUN . .

"Bloodthirsty psycho."

. . THE POT . .

Richard laughed and pulled out a stim from his coat pocket, taking a deep hit and letting the drug surge through his entire body like a shockwave of pure ecstasy. A grin close to that of a cyberpsycho spread across his lips, that or someone about to finish, either way he grit his teeth and popped out both of his mantis blades.

"We're just getting rid of an unwanted sickness."

The door of the drug den burst open with Richard's foot on the other side of it, he'd kicked in the metal sliding door like it was one to a doll house and it sent the 'elevated' residents inside into panic. Stumbling like fools Richard walked past, eyes scanning over them as he placed an incendiary grenade on the table with their stash and made a small waving gesture. Those who understood ran for their life, those who didn't we caught as the stash and nearby burst into flames, Richard already moving his way down the hall deeper into the den.

. . NO SIGN YET . .

"Pestilence has learned a bit I guess, still walks around with that stupid ass mark but at least learned how to hide it now."

At the end of the hall Richard came across a red X, spray painted across a fairly normal looking wall, but as he gave it a knock with a mantis it made a clearly metal sound in response. With a roll of his eyes Richard then dug his blade into the shitty drywall directly next to the metal door, and sliced clean through the electronic lock keeping it in place.

"Moron puts a reinforced door in the slums but doesn't fix the walls up too."

The opened path lead to a short set of stairs, just enough to go down into a basement which then lead deeper into an old bunker, one likely from the corpo wars or before. Slum residents knew how to survive hell, and that was dig deeper until nobody can even fucking smell you anymore, survival comes before anything else. The basement was mostly empty, except for a small stash of boosters that got another grenade chucked their way, and he was down the bunker stairs before the burn started.

"Seems his cult is still the same, slum, guttertrash, traitors and shitbags is pretty much all he ever gathers, so where the fuck did he get all that iron and tech."

. . PESTILENCE AI IS CAPABLE OF RECREATING BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS. THEORY. THEY FOUND THE NEEDED LOCATION TO RECREATE A STRONG ENOUGH WEAPON. USED IT AGAINST A MILITECH OUTPOST. TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY'S CORPSE . .

"That is absolutely not the saying, still to get that all back not only states side but into NC, someone heavy has their hand above him, whether they're a puppet master or the unknowing puppet."

. . THEORY. CONQUEST? . .

"Why the fuck would he ever arm his enemy, you know how it goes, there can only be one."

. . CONQUEST IS INTELLIGENT. HE PLAYS A LONG GAME WHILE WE TRY TO SIMPLY WIN ONE ROUND OF CHESS. IMPOSSIBLE TO PREDICT HIS PLANS. DO NOT DISMISS . .

Richard sighed but WAR was right, always assume in NC someone was gonna pull off the impossible and that their bullshit would likely get you killed. Finally they came to the bottom of the bunker stairs and kicked open another door, only to find this room empty, not of just people but of everything entirely, except for an old cellphone sitting on the floor which rang the moment they walked in.

"Motherfucker."

. . TRACING . .

With another sigh Richard picked up the old phone, flipping it open and then rolling his eyes when there was an annoying laugh on the other end.

"Hello my dear brother."

"Eat shit Pest, if we were ever related I'd purge the whole bloodline."

"Oh? Didn't a corp take care of that already, ever find out who that was? I'd truly love to meet the lads that were kind enough to give me this gift."

"You know what I actually did."

"Really now?"

"And every single one of them is mutilated beyond recognition, and that fucking gun they stole from me is on my trophy as it should be, granted it's now stained with their blood."

"Mr. Mantis using a gun? Must've been really mad."

"Get to your point, I walked into your little trap what now?"

"Oh, nothing brother, I moved all of my supplies out of there the other day expecting you to come along and just left some addicted dregs behind. This was just for our first hello, it's been so long after all, thought you'd miss me."

"You know what, I did miss part of you."

"How sweet!"

"The dipshit part, that thinks this is the first place I went to today."

"...Wha-"

On the other end Pestilence was clearly interrupted, as he was told not only was more than half of his product up in flames, but every single militia cultist that were in those dens were torn to pieces. Richard wore a tiny smirk as he then heard the loud bang of him slamming his fist into something metal.

"Still there. Dear brother?"

"Burning some RAT nests won't slo-

"There you fucking go again, same as before, you think you're fucking Conquest and above me like I can't read you like an open book. Hell, try reading a book, maybe then you'll actually get one step ahead of me."

"Like the men I've got outside waiting for you?"

"What men?"

There was a loud silence on the other end of the phone, followed by a sigh, as Pestilence mumbled something to whatever subordinate was in the room.

"You don't learn Pesty, I thought you had, you brought all that iron and heavy here but what's the fucking point if you don't know how to use it properly. You're trying to fight me with violence, with soldiers and psychos high off their ass? Bitch please, this is NC and I'm motherfucking WAR walking."

Richard crushed the old phone into a mix of dust and scrap which fell from his palm, he then turned and went back up the stairs, avoiding the burning fire in the basement. Once back in the main drug den he tossed another two firestarters across the room, then slipped out the door and lit up a cigarette.

. . HE IS DOWNTOWN . .

"Mm, not for long and we're too far, cunt at least knew to keep some distance, tell Rogue theres some places burning in the slum that may need put out. She'll like the bunker actually, always good to have a hole to hide in."

. . THEN WHY DID YOU SET IT ON FIRE? . .

"Gotta burn out the stench first."

He raised his leg a bit high, the reason of course being the dozens of dead men littered around the entrance to the den, all with holes blown cleanly through them and charred around it. As he made his way through the body minefield the Javelina slowly rolled up from across the alley where it had been hiding, in the perfect spot for shooting fish in a barrel.

[lavenoon]

Hi! :D Ok, so where to start? Man, it really hurts to see Robin so disillusioned with it all. Of course they show no interest in the new neighbors and now their job feels more like a drag rather than the thing that brought them a sense of fulfillment. Though I smiled at them being so critical of the security over in Eclipse's sector haha, even if they're not giving it their all, they still are very much a professional at what they do and it shows.

The fact that they also become quickly endeared to Eclipse is very cute, and very understandable because he's so earnest, even if it exasperates them that he basically easily revealed his identity, the one thing that when they found out about their other coworkers sent them into a worse spiral. But also that earnestness is what managed to break at that tough front that was harming them as they struggled to keep it up. And he relates so easily to them to, and Robin can't help it that he looks right through them! Because he can see so much of his own hurt in them now. It makes sense that he wants to help fix it, even if he himself hasn't found how to fix the communication problem the three brothers have.

In a way I wonder if he did something similar to Robin, in the sense that he latched himself to Robin's hurt to try and make it better, just how Robin latched onto Eclipse's situation to feel the anger they want to feel for themselves but feel like they don't deserve to (because by now they've convinced themselves they weren't that important to Sun and Moon, assuming they had mistaken it as the animatronics caring more than they did). Not to say that they didn't feel for the other genuinely of course! Just that it's easier trying to solve someone else's problems than facing your own sometimes. I do like how Eclipse is the first one who doesn't let Robin convince themself that they hate them. No need to try to worsen the hurt, even if the statement is turned back on him immediately.

It's funny that something did blow up, though it wasn't an experiment XD (sidenote: I hope Robin does get to blow up stuff with Eclipse eventually haha) "I would've left me, too!" though? Ouch. I know Sun didn't have time to process that, but I hope he and Moon can address that later. Clearly a glimpse into one of their worst insecurities that they guard so closely. (other sidenote: Eclipse was like, haha, brother gonna get told off, and then realized oh crap brother might get actually threatened her kjhkjhkñh)

But also Sun is clearly not too capable to paying attention to that right now, so affected he even raised his voice to the person he only knew as his dear friend and landlord.

Though Eclipse saves the day once again with the groupchat of friendship! They're all obviously exhausted by everything, so having the chat as a tentative window where they don't need to be that exposed and just say what they want to say at their own pace is smart. After all, you can't take back words you said, but you can rewrite a message until you are satisfied with it.

And also, the funniest hing to me in this chapter is the agency. They really were like: Robin you might get fired if you don't improve. >:(

Robin: Aight, peace.

The agency: N-no wait, I didn't mean it, come back please :'(

But overall the hopeful ending was really relieving! You always manage that feeling of being able to breathe again after a tough one! Great writing as always!

Robin: Fuck the agency I don't care anymore Also Robin: Smh the security here is lacking, how dare? They are just kinda going through the motions for a while there, only focused on how they lost their friends and any pride in the job they do in one go. Truly, two birds, one stone.

Robin: I've had Eclipse for an hour and a half and if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself Eclipse: Oh we're friends now! Okay okay I will. I will try to not make a meme out of every part of your comment fghdjs Ties into your next paragraph as well - they recognize the pain of the other, and the similar coping styles, with Eclipse a couple years into pretending he's fine. They get angry on his behalf, partly because it's an infuriating position to be in, and partly because they can't get angry on their own behalf. And vice versa in Eclipse - he sees this person in a very similar situation to him, and they're devastated and it's obvious (to him). And he realizes that oh, right, he does have a reason to be sad. He's allowed to feel abandoned and to admit it sucks. Because he faked being okay so long he felt like he'd lost the right to say it did actually bother him.

Please know that if this were the main timeline I'd add many more conversations that address these issues, same as Robin's "I would've left me too". It goes unaddressed, but not unnoticed. To address it there needs to be a baseline of trust again though, so they need to focus on establishing that (That, and that the threat was on his account. Because while he obviously and knowingly relates, he didn't think that Robin might relate too, and do something about it. It's rare enough that anyone would stand up for him.)

No one's having a good time - but they all want this to work, they all miss each other, and they're finally admitting that to each other. They can't get it all out then, but they want to, because they care. It gives them a line of contact - a "flyway" to each other <3 (*Using a very, very loose definition of course)

HQ sure got used to having them try so hard to impress them! But they seek their validation elsewhere these days. They prefer having a family, in the end.

And aaahhh thank you!! The good thing had to get a lil longer to make it feel natural, but it was tons of fun to write! <3

[whumpflash]

Ashes, Ashes 2: Click

previous //// masterlist word count: 1,542

ingredients: lab whump, knives, burning, threats

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Wakey wakey, dragon boy."

Rhys grunted, opening his eyes halfway at the sound of a low female voice. A young woman stood over him. Stranger. Copper skin and a dark pixie cut. Her blue eyes reflected what little light there was in the room, making her appear almost cat-like.

He tried to sit up, but a leather strap across his chest (let's see, wrists, ankles… dammit.) prevented much movement. The attempt, small as it was, left him with a deep ache in the center of his chest, almost like– right. Chick with a gun. And now a chick that looked sorta like her (sister or cousin, most likely) was keeping him in her basement.

His shirt was gone, he realized. Shoes and jeans too. Everything gone but his boxers.

"Usually they buy me dinner first," he muttered.

"What was that?" Blue Eyes asked, her gaze still boring into him.

"Tell me you didn't throw out my jacket," Rhys said.

"Burned it, along with everything else," she said with a huff. "We wanted to see if your belongings somehow took on any draconic properties."

"You really thought my clothes might be magic?" Rhys said, but her words stung. He'd had that jacket for nearly 40 years now. It was practically a family member. And now–

"Not really. It was a long shot that they retained anything unusual," Blue Eyes said. "But sometimes it's just fun to watch things burn."

Hells, she had a scary smile. Still, he bit back any feelings of discomfort.

"You like watching things burn? How 'bout your house? Your town? Your adorable little sister? At least I'm assuming the one who shot me is–"

She struck him across the jaw with a closed fist. Not a painful blow, but definitely a dazing one. Rhys tried to raise his hand to rub his chin. (Right. The leather crap.)

"Gonna burn us all down, huh? Then what's stopping you?" Blue Eyes said.

"Maybe I just need to recharge," he said, pulling his face into a sneer, trying to look intimidating. "Maybe you should watch your back. Let me go now, or else I'll–"

"No." Blue Eyes had looked at least apprehensive for a few seconds, but now her expression had fallen back into something disdainful. "Obviously I don't know much about dragons, but I doubt leather's enough to hold one down. Well," she smirked. "A normal one, at least." She paced around the table, stopping at his left side. "So what's wrong with you, dragon boy? Get cursed?"

(Something like that.) 

"No," Rhys said. "Like you said, you don't know anything about dragons. Maybe I'm being merciful. Do you really want to throw that back in my face?"

She shook her head, giving him a mocking smile. "I think if you were capable of polymorphing, you would've done so well before now." She began sorting through a box behind her. He could hear the clink of metal on metal.

"In most stories, polymorphed dragons return to their true forms as soon as they're injured. Yet here you are, looking pretty human."

Rhys bared his teeth, but couldn't think of anything to say, at least not anything good. Of course she knew he couldn't shift. It was obvious to anyone who took the time to think about it, to anyone who looked past his empty threats. But still, some stupid part of him didn't want to give up, futile as it was. (That's why you lost it in the first place, dumbass–)

"Last chance," he said. "Let me go or you wake up to a pile of ashes."

Blue Eyes glanced over her shoulder, looking almost curious. "Hm. Do you retain the ability to breathe fire in human form?"

Rhys seized onto this immediately. "Yes. And I'm warning you–"

"Do it then." She circled around until she was at the foot of the table. "Burn me alive and escape. Those leather straps won't hold very long against dragonflame."

Rhys opened his mouth, and found he had nothing to say. She'd called his bluff. (Now she knows you're just a helpless little weakling, huh?)

"That's what I thought," Blue Eyes said, a smug look on her face. She reached into the box and pulled out a small, sharp knife.

(Weakling or not, I can still be difficult.)

"What are you gonna do with that? Poke me?" he said. …Or was she going to try and kill him? Granted, it was hard to kill a dragon, even in human form, but if that was her goal… 

"Maybe a little." She held the knife up, examining the blade. "As we've both acknowledged, we humans know next-to-nothing about dragons. But we're all very eager to learn."

Rhys shifted uncomfortably. "Learn… learn what?"

"Oh, the usual. Strengths, weaknesses, anatomy… anything that could help a hunter."

"Yeah? So ask away, lady. I'm an open book."

"No, I don't think so." She smiled down at him. "You know the saying, 'actions speak louder than words'. I think I'll find getting hands-on to be far more reliable. The fact that you have a quick healing factor just sweetens the deal. Sure, if I go too far you'll just turn to ash, but I think I can be careful."

Rhys felt his heartbeat begin to pick up. (No. No, stop that. I'm calm. I'm stronger than this.)

"You think I'm hiding the secrets of the universe under my skin?" he snapped. "This is insane–"

"Your kind has been responsible for more death and destruction than any other magical creature," Blue Eyes said, pulling something else out of the box. "I think it's pretty reasonable to want to know how to disarm a walking nuke."

He saw that she was holding a small blowtorch, the kind humans used for creme brulee, and almost laughed. Maybe, just maybe, she really was stupid. (Which means she'll slip up, and I'll get an opening, and then I can run far far away from here–)

With a click, the fire came to life. She held it against his bare shin.

"Kinda tickles," he retorted. Fire was nothing to him. He was fire.

"Hm," she said, making a note on a yellow pad in the corner and putting the pen behind her ear. "As suspected, skin is fireproof even in human form."

"I coulda told you that," Rhys said. "I'm telling you, it would save a lot of time if–"

"Let's see if you're just as fireproof on the inside."

"Wh–"

The knife came down before he could process what was happening, slicing a sharp line of pain down the side of his calf and drawing a hiss out of him. Blue Eyes made another note.

"Skin easily cut with a knife, doesn't seem to possess any special protection."

Rhys scowled up at her. Polymorphed, he lacked any of the armor his scales had afforded him. His hide was as soft as a human's, and he hated it. Every papercut, every skinned knee, every bruise reminded him of how fragile he was in this form. 

A pause, and the knife dug in again, deeper. Rhys choked back a cry as he felt the blade tear through muscle.

Click.

"Wait–"

Fire exploded in his leg, something bright and jagged that burned away every thought that wasn't centered on it. It took every effort not to scream. He'd never been burned before. Yes, he'd burned other things. He'd seen fire. He knew it could destroy, but now it was biting into him.

After what felt like way too long, the torch clicked off, but the blistering feeling remained.

"Hm," said Blue Eyes, taking another note. "Pleasant surprise. Could you have told me that?" she asked, fixing her gaze on Rhys.

"Damn you," he spit out. His heart was pounding, adrenaline pumping through him, but he had nowhere to go. He dared to glance up, but only managed to catch a glimpse of the blistered cut on his leg for a split second before he had to look away. He winced as Blue Eyes poked at the wound with the tip of the knife.

"Healing's started already," she commented. "Guess it'll take more effort to find a way to counter that."

Rhys craned his head to look at her, determined to give it one more shot (especially after that. Being trapped with her would be a living nightmare).

"Maybe you're right about me. Maybe I can't do anything to you. But my family will be looking for me." (Liar, liar, pants on fire) He narrowed his eyes. "And I don't think you want to be nearby when I'm found."

Blue Eyes tucked the pen back behind her ear, seemingly pondering his claim.

"Maybe so," she said, then flashed him with a wicked grin. "But if I work fast enough, they won't want me to be nearby when you're found either."

Rhys strained against the straps. "Are you crazy? They– they'll burn you alive! They'll–!"

"I'll take my chances. In the meantime I have more research to conduct." She moved up the side of the table, laying the knife against his forearm.

"You don't know who you're–hells–d-dealing with!" he sucked in air through his teeth as the blade dug in deep.

"No. You don't know who you're dealing with."

Click.

next part

[beccanoodles]

Spike and Faye Pairing Analysis

March 2021

Ah the hit or miss pairing of the century! If you don’t love it, you probably hate it lol. I’m a very analytical person so I love analyzing works of art and overall enjoy deep discussions about them too. I have SO much to say when it comes to Cowboy Bebop (and oh I plan to), but I have decided to start with my very own OTP. Here, I am not really going to discuss Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other, but rather why I think people are drawn to this pairing and why I think they're totally valid. Get ready for a long read!😁

⚠️SPOILER WARNING!!! [Major Cowboy Bebop and the movie Out of the Past spoilers]⚠️

First off, let’s clear something up. I am confident most of us can agree that Spike was in love with Julia. Some people assume Spike and Faye fans are deranged and disregard Spike and Julia’s romantic relationship to try and make something of Spike and Faye that never was. While some people may have their various theories and opinions on this, generally, I don’t think anyone denies Spike’s love for Julia. As we will see, this pairing is not really driven by who loves who...let’s first look on the surface.

I don’t know your experiences with the series, but in mine, every time I show this to people it never fails for someone to say something along the lines of,

“Wait, they don’t end up together?”

“Why didn’t he kiss her!?”

“He should have stayed with her...”

and so fourth. 

Naturally, this pairing catches many eyes. 

Think about it, you are given two really cool, really hot and really deep characters that are really fun to see together! There are so many parallels between the two and they are arguably the strongest characters of the bunch. Granted, you can agree with this and still not ship them, but these aspects are part of what opens up the door for many fans of the pairing.

However, there is certainly more to this pairing than them simply looking good together right? As the years pass and I’ve now seen the show multiple times, my understanding of it has evolved in many areas, Spike and Faye included. 

Spike and Faye really couldn’t have ended up together. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but It would have been an entirely different show if they had. I don’t feel that the show should have happened any other way and I don’t think many other fans would either. 

So, what am I saying here?

What’s the point of this paring if I don’t think they should have ended up together? 

It is what's so frustrating about them, yet keeps you coming back and what honestly validates this pairing in my opinion. Spike and Faye are not driven by what is, but rather, what could be.  

I personally feel the themes of classic film Noir are not discussed enough when it comes to Cowboy Bebop! This is one of the show's major influences, especially when it comes to the plot and characters.

One of the common tropes of a film noir is that of a protagonist who is drawn back into his past and ultimate doom, usually by the “seduction” of a femme fatale. In these movies, the women are either a femme fatale [devious, dangerous, mysterious, greedy, troubled, or unreliable] or a woman of virtue [reliable, dutiful, trustworthy, conventional and loving]. 

I am going to use the 1947 classic, Out of the Past to make my comparisons from here on out.

In Out of the Past, Jeff is a former detective who gets caught up in a love triangle between a gangster and his girlfriend Kathie, sound familiar? He attempts to run away with her, but is betrayed and runs off to start a new life in a new town. Here, he meets Ann and falls in love with her, but of course, his past catches up to him and he is drawn back into the world of criminals (largely by Kathie’s involvement). This ultimately results in his and Kathie’s deaths and Ann’s heartbreak. 

Even though Kathie is the femme fatale in this movie, I found myself comparing her more to Julia’s role in the show, than to Faye’s and I found that Faye actually fit best in Ann’s role (this is a bit unusual considering Faye is typically seen as the femme fatale of this show).

Does that mean I think Julia was as ill intentioned as Kathie or that Spike fell in love with Faye? Well, not exactly, let’s look at it a bit further.

“The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone...Like an angel from the underworld or a devil from paradise.”

Most of what we get about Julia is from Spike’s point of view. From this, we learn she is at the center of Vicious and Spike’s conflict, but aside from that she is basically depicted as “The Virtuous Woman” of a noir. The colors around her are warm and she is shown caring for Spike. There is an innocence and modestly about her as well.

Yet, when we finally do meet Julia, we get a different image. We know she is tied up with dangerous men, but is she herself a dangerous woman?

She is certainly capable of betrayal. 

Suddenly she is a bad-ass-gun-toting woman in leather and black, surrounded by hues of grey and dark blue. Intentional or not, Julia is a major part of what lures Spike back into the past and ultimately to his death. In this case, Julia is the femme fatale of Spike’s story and thus, their relationship is doomed from the start.

Faye, on the other hand, is portrayed in somewhat of a contrast. When we first meet her, she is the clear cut femme fatale, appearing cunning, strong willed and seductive. However, we soon find that she has quite a bit of kindness and naivety hidden behind her facade. She uses the former tactics as a way of emotional (and probably physical) protection. Gren points this out in his conversation with her. 

Gren, 

“You’re just afraid they’d abandon you so you abandoned them. You distanced yourself from the whole thing.”

As the show progresses, we start to see less of her “femme fatale nature” and something more genuine. Think about it, between Hard Luck Woman and RFB Part 2 we don’t see much of Faye as her typical conniving or unreliable self, aside from changing the course of the Bebop maybe. Sure she takes off, but it isn’t at all for the same reasons she did in Jupiter Jazz or Speak Like a Child, for example. 

I would argue we actually see her more trustworthy and caring than ever. Since I don’t want to spend too much time talking about Faye’s character development (not here at least) I’ll give one example of this. 

When she returns to the Bebop after her encounter with Julia in RFB Part 1, she gives Spike the message, even though the outcome might hurt her (i.e. he leaves and/or dies). While she does first say “It’s gonna cost you,” she doesn’t really mean it because she tells him without hesitation only moments later.

This isn’t to say Faye good, Julia bad. Both women have their layers and even though we know way more about Faye, I don’t get the impression that Julia is selfish and cunning like Kathie was. But I do get the feeling she was enclosed in a world of crime and betrayal the way Kathie was. We really only know the basics of Spike and Julia’s situation. Who knows the details like motive or how long it lasted etc. etc. We can only speculate...

There is a scene towards the end of Out Of The Past, where Kathie tells Jeff to go away with her. This time it is her asking him, just like Julia asks Spike. During this she mentions,

“I never told you I was anything but what I am, you just wanted to imagine I was. That’s why I left you.”

This got me thinking...did Spike imagine Julia as something she wasn’t? Or something he wanted her to be that she just couldn’t be? 

It could explain why we get such contrasted images of her.

There are themes of this “dreamlike” relationship between Jeff and Kathie, similar to Spike and Julia’s “It was all a dream.”

The two of them were going to “live and be free,” probably something neither of them knew how to do and most likely wouldn’t have been able to get away with.

When Jet asks Spike if he can just forget the past, this is his answer.

Spike,

“There was a woman. For the first time in my life I saw a woman that was truly alive. At least that’s what I thought. She was the part of me I had lost, that part that was missing, that I had been longing for.”

I always wondered about this, because Spike is clearly talking about Julia, but right after is when Faye shows up. To me, that spoke volumes...

Faye is a woman who is terribly human and terribly alive.

Going back to Faye and Ann, I find their similarities shine not so much in the “Virtuous Woman,” concept, but rather in Ann’s dedication to Jeff and her optimism for the future. She is also the last person to talk to Jeff before he leaves for the final time, as if he were being presented with one last alternative. Spike spends his last moments with Faye as well, in which she basically begs him not to go and keep him in the present that she has now discovered for herself. She may be stuck, but she is definitely someone that yearns for human connection, love, and life.

The problem is, Spike and Faye are both set in opposite directions. Her’s leads to a future and Spike knows this because he points it out early on (My Funny Valentine). He also knows, his most likely does not. He has already dug himself too deep into this hole, if you will, that there is really no turning back. 

But let’s say none of that was an issue? What could be?

I sat and watched this movie (Out of the Past) with my mom. She didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know why I was watching it. I wanted her genuine reaction. The whole time she was getting mad at Jeff until the very end. I asked her why and she said that she wanted him to be able to live happily with Ann. I explained to her why he had to do what he did. She understood this, but still couldn’t help but be sad at how things turned out for him, when they could have been good.

Even though Kathie and Jeff are the “lovers,” of this movie, you don’t really want them to end up together. Forget that Kathie has a devious nature, regardless, you know where it has to end and you don’t want to see your hero die.

Like Kathie, Julia symbolizes Spike’s inevitable doom and Like Ann, Faye symbolizes his possible future. 

“I’ll be with you till the end”

                           “You’re the one still tied to the past Spike!”

                                                               “Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you gonna do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?!”

It’s two sides of a sad coin...

We want Spike to have a future and because we love the characters of the show, it would be really great if he could have it with them, but that is where the tragedy is. It's only an idea we can think about, a possibility presented to us as it was to Jeff and Spike before their deaths.

The bottom line is, when it comes to Spike and Faye you are really only given a taste. You are not given what you expect to see, which is why I say this ship is driven by what could be. As it is with most of the character relationships in the show, no major breakthroughs are made until the very end, when it's too late. Then it just feels like such wasted potential, but sometimes in life, that's how it is. And thus, we have been given a very classic noir here ladies and gentlemen!

So no, I don’t think people miss the mark when they ship Spike and Faye, nor do I find they invalidate the show by any means. I kind of like that Watanabe switched it up and didn’t do the expected, but left us those subtle hints. He didn’t outright give Spike another lover, but he gave us someone that represents what he could have. Kind of does that with the crew as a whole too!

UGH. I love-hate this show and I love this pairing! Thank you for reading my thoughts and I know this may not be the case or reasoning for everyone, but just based on what I have seen around the community and where this show draws inspiration, this is what I have concluded. I didn’t get into Spike and Faye’s feelings for each other because it gets a little more theoretical there, but I would like to do a post on my thoughts on that as well sometime. I also didn’t touch too much on Spike’s reasoning for choosing to face Vicious in the end, just because I know that will only lead into a whole other analysis lol. But you know I have my thoughts on that and certainly plan to share them 😎 Also, I know I basically spoiled it, but Out of the Past is such a great movie!! I think if you’re a fan of this show it's definitely worth a watch! There are so many more parallels to Cowboy Bebop that I didn’t even mention. Anyways, thanks again and talk to you soon!

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

Yeash! Another react blog! Your first was super cute!!💕 I thought this idea was pretty cute too. How'd the guys react to a usually expressionless and stoic survivor who always has a blank expression one day burst into heartfelt, gut clutching, knee slapping laughter till the point they're adorably flustered, gasping, and in tears at some random off handed comment the guys' made(they have surprising hilarious random dialogue in game), and still girlishly giggle to themselves long afterwards?

what a cute request! i love it!

thank you for requesting & i hope you enjoy this one. i couldn’t find all of their dialogue from the game so i kept it very general and left it up to your imagination. <3

these are preromanced partners and i’m going to assume that they’re strictly just professional. no romance or crush.

-

he didn’t know whether to find it uncomfortable or relieving that their partner was expressionless and strangely stoic since the day they first introduced themselves to him. on one hand, he found a tad bit helpful when he wanted nothing more but to kick back and relax while on the other, he wanted more than just a one sided conversation and silence. he shrugged it off eventually, coming to acceptance that regardless of what the wanted, that was just who they were in the end. it wasn’t until one day where he muttered an off handed comment while exploring the cabin that he got his first ever reaction from his partner. at first it was quiet as per usual but the silence was soon replaced by a snort that soon turned into loud laughter that resonated within the empty room. his eyes widened, looking over his shoulder to find them clutching their stomach with one arm while the other held the wall for support as they broke out in a fit of chortling. their face was flushed and tears peeked out of the corner of their eyes as they attempted to catch their breath. well this was new.

Danse:

he was absolutely dumbfounded at the sudden reaction his partner had exhibited right in front of his very eyes. he’d be unsure of why the hell sole was laughing and would raise a brow at their peculiar behavior, trying to ignore the blush creeping on his cheeks. even if he tried to act serious, he knew that their laugh was utterly adorable and he unbeknownstly let the sounds that escape their lips etch into his mind. danse turned around slowly to face them and waited for them to cool down, trying to maintain his professional attitude to avoid the risk of saying something he’d probably regret. he would be unsure of what to do, clearly distracted by their change of character and would instead stare at them intensely as if he lost all sense of ability. sole would wipe the tear off their eye, looking up at danse before straightening themselves out, “sorry paladin, i couldn’t help but laugh at what you just said.” what he just said? he didn’t mean for it to be a joke but fuck, he wasn’t complaining. this was probably gonna be the first and only time they break out of their character and he secretly wanted nothing more but to indulge in the moment. with flushed cheeks, he’d respond firmly, attempting to shake off the events from earlier, “it’s fine. should we continue our mission?” they’d nod, continuing to giggle under their breath from time to time as they rummaged the room together. danse would be completely out of focus for the rest of the day, unable to keep his guard up as their laughter replayed in his mind for hours on end.

Deacon:

his confusion would turn into shock which immediately turned into a sense of satisfaction that was clearly written all over his face. with a cocky grin, he strided over to them, patting their shoulder as they continued to laugh loudly. “guess the good ol’ deacon charm finally hit ya.” as he observed sole, he’d feel a sense of pride and joy build up within him with every second that passed. they’d catch their breath after a minute or so, staring up at deacon with tears eyes and a goofy smile. “don’t get ahead of yourself. it was only one time.” his grin grew much wider. oh, he loved those words coming out of their mouth. even if it wasn’t directly given, he knew damn well that it was a challenge waiting to be conquered and who was he to turn down such a task? deacon crossed his arms as sole raised a brow with a curious expression. “that look on your face reads bad intentions.” he chuckled at their comment, readjusting his sunglasses. “me? bad intentions? why i would never do such a thing! besides, we both know that this won’t be the only time i’ll make you laugh.” sole would roll their eyes and shove him playfully to the side so they could walk past him. “we’ll see about that.” he’d hear the small giggles that left their lips as they continued on with their mission. “doesn’t seem like you’ll last long with all that giggling, charmer.” they’d throw a pencil at him in response to which he dodged without breaking a sweat. “shut up deacon.” silently, he built up all the one liners and jokes he was mentally capable of creating and knew that sole was in for one hell of a fucking ride. this was his biggest challenge yet and he was determined to make sole laugh again, one way or the other.

Hancock:

he’s very good at hiding his astonishment and would instead wrap an around around soles shoulders, happily smiling at their newfound personality he never knew they had. he loved the way their lips curled upwards and how the blush on their cheeks looked as it grew more evident. the way their laugh echoed was music to his ears and he instantly knew that he preferred this side of his partner rather than the other. now that he’s seen it, he didn’t wanna live with the idea of never experiencing it again. “if i knew there was a funny bone in ya, i would’ve made you smile a long time ago, sister/brother.” he jested, his eyes unable to leave their face that he secretly admired up close. they’d turn their head to stare at him, their blush only firing up more at their closeness. he’d flash a friendly grin at them, signaling that he meant no harm whatsoever despite the sudden contact. from the looks of it, it seemed to ease sole as they released the tension from their shoulders. “shit, i didn’t mean to laugh. sorry.” with a shake of his head, he’d immediately shush them, “an apology isn’t needed. if anything, i find this side of you charming as hell and i definitely would want to see this side of you again.” they’d become embarassed, trying to fight the blush that painted their cheeks. “thanks, hancock.” he would pull his arm back from their shoulders and nod in response as they both continued to venture the house further. he’d hear the small giggles that left their mouth every here and there and he’d tease them without hesitation. “glad to know you’re taking up my offer, sister/brother. would be shame if i never got to hear that sweet laughter of yours. it’s music to my ears.” it would only make them giggle more and hancock would chuckle back, feeling a sense of contentment linger in his chest.

Maccready:

he was having a bad day and let out a comment to express his annoyance. he only expected it to get worse as sole laughed carelessly at it, disregarding the irritation in his voice that was clearly obvious. instead, he felt all the weight on his back lighten as he gazed dumbly at sole who didn’t even bother to hide the expression on their face. maccready bit back a smile of his own, feeling his day grow a little less shittier the more their laugh rung in his ears. guess happiness was contagious after all. he’d approach sole with a softer expression, his fingers fiddling nervously with the gun that relaxed on his hands. “here i was thinking if i was running with an emotionless and crazy psychopath,” sole would slow down on their laughter and notice the small smile forming on his face despite his attempts on concealing it, “glad i was wrong.” even if it came out as a joke, he knew damn well that he did secretly feel that way but always brushed it off in the end. it was a damn relief his assumptions were proven false. sole smirked at him, “if i was a psychopath, you would’ve had a bullet between your eyes with all that complaining you do.” usually a comment like that would annoy the shit out of him, especially on a day like this, but he took it lightly, a snicker leaving his mouth. “can’t say you’re wrong there, boss.” as they carried on with their duties, he found himself smiling everytime sole let out a soft giggle under their breath. that’s one way to brighten up his mood.

Nick Valentine:

“well isn’t that wonderful.” nick grinned at them and stretched out a hand to assist them on their feet. they accepted his offer and dusted off their clothes with a huge smile on their face. “nice to know an old geezer like me can make you smile.” it would take them a moment to collect themselves before responding, “you always make me smile, nick.” his eyes would widen in surprise at their confession and tried to remember a time he’s caught them smiling at anything he’s said and done. no matter how deep he dug through his memories, nothing would surface. man, old age was really starting to hit him. “guess i haven’t been paying enough attention to notice that. i thought you were ready to drop me with how bored you look.” sole would deny that accusation immediately, waving it off as they continued to stray away from their usual character. “not at all. everything you say entertains me. whatever you just said now really got to me.” nick would tip his hat, “glad to be of service then. i’m pretty sure i got more of those in mind if you’re willing to lend an ear every once in a while.” sole would bring a fist to their mouth, chuckling to themselves, “of course.” he’d definitely be sure to bring up any comments similar to that fashion in hopes to brighten up soles day, even just a little.

Gage:

he was grateful sole was distracted enough to miss the pure shock plastered on his face as he watched them over his shoulder. he’d immediately shake it off to avoid getting caught with such an expression and to save him from the embarrassment if sole were to taunt him. gage would attempt to act normal as if their reaction hadn’t fazed him, but if sole were to squint hard enough, they’d notice the soft crimson dusting his cheeks. thankfully, they had absolutely no intentions with doing so and continued to laugh loudly at some random shit gage had sputtered out to himself. “if you laugh any louder boss, someone’s bound to hunt us down.” sole would stifle their laugh, slapping a hand against their mouth in attempts to quiet themselves down. gage would snicker at them; he didn’t actually think they would take his words to heart but here they were, choking back a laugh that was bound to release sooner or later. he let out a chuckle, “i’m just jokin’, boss. laugh all ya want, just make sure we got the job done. alive preferably.” sole tittered as they nodded, the blush still bright as day on their cheeks. he turned his back on them, a half smile forming on his face. seeing the overboss all tough and shit made him feel at ease, but this side of them wasn’t too bad either. he wouldn’t bring it up after that, but would secretly be waiting patiently for the next time his partner were to have a similar reaction.

[anorderanditsstone]

How do the old and new Order of the Stone react to having a s/o that isn't really big in adventuring? They're not exactly athletic and they scare easy. They always rise to the occasion when needed, but the whole idea of adventuring kind if makes them uncomfortable and anxious.

(Old order huh? Okay this might be a bit difficult for Soren and Gabriel because 1. Soren’s personality probably changed a ton during the events that led to MCSM. and 2. I barely ever see Gabriel be himself because I keep letting him get amnesia (spoiler)  but I’ll try. I’m guessing old Soren was still energetic and not as paranoid as he is now. Oh and I wrote it so for the Old Order it was back in their days instead of them being how they were in game.)

(New order is easier to work with cause their the main cast for crying out loud. I don’t think I can do Jesse though. Male or Female cause you kinda decide their personality and it just feels weird. And I’m putting Ivor for the new order because I cannot imagine how he used to act for the life of me yet)

Old Order

Magnus

-He doesn’t fully understand but he tries to for you

-He will try to help you with your fears though

-He’ll offer to take you out on walks and such just to get you a bit used to being in the wild (assuming he could actually leave Boom Town or wherever then)

-If you refuse he’ll be a bit dissapointed but he’ll bring some stuff back from his adventures

-If you wanna work on being athletic and being scared he’s there to help you with that no matter what

-If not he’ll still love you for who you are

-When you do rise to the occasion he’s just so proud of you

-Probably won’t show it totally but will try to find a way to brag to everyone about how you did that

-He might mock you a bit for being scared but he doesn’t mean any harm

-Like light hearted teasing

-Overall though he’s a bit dissapointed at the fact that you don’t do well while adventuring but he’s still there for you

-Small bonus: If he is stuck in Boom Town and you’re there with him, yeah he understands because he can’t leave the place without being chased by greifers

Ellegaard

-She understands a lot more than the rest

-She can see how adventuring can make you anxious because of all the possibilities of what can happen out there

-She’s probably busy working on things in Redstonia or wherever so she’s not really out that much

-When she is though, she always makes sure you’ll be okay without her regardless of what way it’s in

-I don’t think she’s the best when it comes to being athletic so she understands that bit

-Probably gets scared easier than the rest so yeah she understands

-Might tell you there’s nothing to worry about which seems harsh but she just wants to calm you do

-When you do step up though...oh boy

-Get ready for her to keep telling you how amazing you were and such

-Basically understands a lot and doesn’t find it a huge issue

Soren

-He loves adventure, just almost everything about it is perfect

-Well besides mobs but that’s besides the point

-So he’ll need some explaining on why you feel that way

-He does slightly understand though, despite not being as paranoid as he is now, he’s still cautious

-He’s probably busy studying things (probably building related) so he’s not busy being out THAT much

-Will try and encourage you to get out a bit more and might come off as forceful but he just wants to help you overcome your fears

-You rising up though, well it’s kinda a mix of Magnus and Ellegaard

-He’s bragging to everyone about how “brave” you were (doesn’t matter how small it was) and constant praising

-He’s probably gonna stay like that for at least a few weeks so be ready

Gabriel

-Being a warrior, he was built to be out there in the open and taking to the fights

-But surprisingly, he does understand the hesitance

-This being because he likely has more experience on the good and the bad out there

-He won’t force you to go out but will make some light encouragements

-The rising up bit?

-He’ll praise you a lot but doesn’t go extremely far with it

-But in conclusion, he’s with you no matter who you are

New Order

Lukas

-Very much so understanding

-He used to be afraid of adventuring a bit and he still kind of scares easily

-He doesn’t really mind that much

-He does bring you gifts from his adventures though, which is nice

-Usually stuff like gems or flowers or maybe even some artifacts

-When you do rise up though, he just tells you how amazing you were and how he knew that you were capable of something like that

-Can range from totally freaking out to just very proud depending on what you did

Petra

-Confused but doesn’t really say much

-Each to their own she supposes

-Semi understands the fear though

-Brings you gifts similar to Lukas’ but more gems and stuff

-She’s pretty surprised when you do rise up

-Tries not to freak out but she does let you know how proud she is

-Quickly cuts off from it because she thinks she’s being a bit too “sappy”

-Brags about it here and there

Olivia

-Despite how much she loves to adventure, she always had a part of her that was a bit scared of it

-So she completely understands the fear

-She’ll try and help you get over it like she managed to though

-If you accept, she’ll be proud of you and do her best to help

-If not, she’s still proud of you for speaking up about how you prefer not to

-She can range to simple shock to enteral fangirling

-When simply shocked she’ll tell you how cool that was when you did that

-Fangirling though, she’ll rant about about great you were and later being embarrassed when she realizes that she was doing that

Axel

-This big guy was always someone who loved adventure

-So he’ll ask a lot of questions

-But in the end he does his best to accept it

-Brings you gifts aswell but this time their a bit more dorky and bizarre

-For example- A somehow alive pufferfish he found in the ocean

-Basically fanboying when he sees you rise up

-Doesn’t matter what you did, he’s amazed and won’t shut up about it for a while

Ivor

-Obviously a adventure freak

-Loves it almost more than anything else (besides you)

-So he’s pretty shocked when he finds out it scares you

-Will literally sit you down and ask a bunch of questions and give you some recommendations on how to be a bit “braver” so to speak

-If you’re not comfortable with this you’re going to have to tell him

-He’ll just suddenly stop and mumble a quick apology while asking that you at least keep some of his recommendations in mind

-Will bring you some gifts here and there

-Nothing specific really just trinkets that he found

-But he does go on and on about how his adventure went to you

-Rise up though and he’s a mess

-Eternal fanboying and ranting on what you did for hours until he notices how “out of character” he is and quickly goes back to his facade before mumbling something like “I mean...That was....Great. Good job”

(OKAY I think that’s all of them. Sooo very sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted. This took me forever and I think I got a bit of the traits wrong. I could research Gabriel a bit but it’s far to late and I’m tired so maybe another time. Hope that you at least enjoyed it a bit!)

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Fake dating begins!

Janis: Grace wants to buy you a coffee for being such a gent. Janis: If I was you I'd have a freebie black and charge it to her tab. Her and her cronies are in there enough, and it'll save you having to endure a frappe/her and said giggling gal pals. Jimmy: Me and her or a group hang with the BBs for the 'gram? Jimmy: 👍I did that last week and the one before Janis: Depends. She obvs wants alone time with you but she's never passed up a #goals photo-op in her life, so. Janis: Can't be freeing the nip on Insta but maybe she's got a private snapchat she wants to whore out, you'll be well in then 👍 Janis: Christ. Good to know not ALL her money goes on Brazilian blow-outs, she's also topping up the salary of every hot barista in town, what a philanthropist she is, amongst other less favourable titles. Jimmy: If you can be arsed to 3rd wheel this I'll shout you something from the secret menu Jimmy: Which exists swear down and isn't just a invite to my snapchat Jimmy: Why am I worried Brazilian blow outs is a way bigger euphemism any day Janis: Hmm. As much as I try to avoid spending ANY time with Grace, for obvious reasons as you well know, it could be pretty amusing to see her make such a twat out of herself. And it would piss her off if I gatecrashed...Fuck it, I'm in. Janis: Don't get any ideas about making some taboo twin content though, lad, that only happens in the minds of pervy porn execs, and in weird old lady novels from the 80s. Janis: Lol. Yeah, it ain't a Cavante special. Its to make her look MORE white, funnily enough. As if the coffee habits and UGGs weren't making her a literal meme for the cause already. Jimmy: I'd rather down a strawberry açaí refresher with coconut milk every time Grace makes a gaff, which funnily enough is what necking with your sister's tall mate tastes like, than get sandwiched between the two of you Jimmy: I'd shout her a flat white if she'd get the joke though. One for each of them Jimmy: 😩 Janis: OMG, girl code, Grace sooooo saw you first, Tammy is gonna be out on her flat white arse when Gracie finds out, like 💀 Janis: The feeling's mutual, dickhead. Wouldn't put it past my sister though, she's more obsessed with me than she'd EVER be with you. 🤢 At least she'll be moving on when you finally give in and give it to her, I've got a life fucking sentence, mate. ⚰ Jimmy: OMG Minnie (??? Isn't that her name maybe) launched herself at me first and I'd be out on my penniless arse if I'd let her crack on over the counter ⛔ Jimmy: I like my encounters with a little less ego it's no crime. Or slight on you, mate. Jimmy: I'll tell Gracie that if she ever lets me get a word in. Janis: Fuck knows. All look the same to me. Ironic if it is, though, fucking jolly green giantess. Janis: And soz but sexual assault ain't no crime either when you're them though, they're just being #girlbosses swear down garda 💋 Janis: Good luck with that one, kid. Even if she gives you the chance, she won't be listening. Fucks with the fairytale where you shut the fuck up and carry her bags 'cept to call her pretty once in a while for said ego's boost. 🙊🙉 Janis: oh, and look good in the 'gram, standard. Jimmy: Could be what the lads call her... whoops Jimmy: Damn. I'll have to spoil her fun by letting it be known I've got myself a girl already. 🎻 Shame it'll take me years to find one who can stand the interrogation 💔 Jimmy: Gotta get Cass to keep her ear low. Effort. Janis: The 'lad's' secret is safe with me, the 'girls' are hardly likely to listen and I'm even less likely to bother to tell 'em. She'd just think #pussygamestrong 'neway so I ain't giving the bint that unwarrant stroke when you've all already been there, done that. Sloppy. Janis: Woe is, lad. Like everyone ain't on your dick rn 'cos you got that shiny, new appeal. Just pick one that ain't TOTALLY unbearable- ah, I see your problem. Janis: Sadly, I can't help, I ain't the massive lezza you've no doubt heard from the lads and girls alike that I am. Janis: Slim pickings either way you swinging, you see. Jimmy: You can help me then. Go on. Think how mad it'd make Gracie if nuffin' else Jimmy: Counter distance between us at all times if you want Janis: Aside from pissing off my sister, which I'm more than capable of by me larry, what's in it for me? You get her off your dick and back into Costa to cry it out, like Jimmy: Freebies of any of Common Grounds finest where you can also hang without her and her hangers on Jimmy: Semi trained mutt if I can wrench it from my sisters grasping hands? Jimmy: Plus an end to the rumors if you're arsed about that. You said yourself I've got the newbie appeal Janis: Alright, alright, you had me at dog! Janis: I won't deprive your sister but I could do with an AM running partner who can keep up. I'll wear it out and have it back to you at the end of your morning shift, before she's even had her weetabix or found her school tie. Deal? Janis: I'm down for writing our own rumours, why the fuck not, eh Jimmy: Done. Her name's Twix and she's as annoying as the name makes her sound. Jimmy: Get ready for rumors about how many bodies she's buried for you after all the holes dug Janis: Cute. And I'm sure I've dealt with worse bitches, I'm up for the challenge. 💪 Janis: Its always the dog walkers init, suspicious cunts. Jimmy: Yeah, and if you wanna bury a few of 'em yourself I'll keep my lips sealed Jimmy: Tomorrow too soon? Janis: Good man, you will if you know what's good for you. Janis: Though, not too sealed, gotta set this dump's/my sister's world alight, like, and I don't think that's happening if we just hold hands. 😲 Janis: Nah, I'm ready. Only thing I got scheduled is double chem and that can always do with livening up. Janis: How you wanna do this, lover boy? Jimmy: Point taken. I better work on my angles too. For the 'gram. Jimmy: With minimal cliches if that can even be a thing round 'ere Jimmy: Probably wouldn't believe it without 100s would they Janis: You best, I don't know how to work facetime, you've got the wrong twin there. Janis: Well, I could oh-so casually ask Grace if her and the bitch squad are going for coffee on the way home from hell (as if they don't every fucking day) and she will be buzzin' thinking I wanna come 'cos she's always asking/attempting to drag me like she's on a mission from the coffee bean gods Janis: Then we can be there, together, oh-so casually again Janis: Aside from sucking face on the playground (which is a little first school, even for these hoes) its the best way to get max attention and thus the rumour mill will do the rest Jimmy: Make sure Tall Tammy's at the back. Can't have Grace missing it Jimmy: See if you can get one of them to spill coffee on you too. Everyone loves a heroic gesture and a clothes share 😏 Janis: 😂 Brilliant. Janis: Assuming Grace doesn't straight up throw it at me, I'll be sure to make that happen. Janis: I'll probably come chat to you at lunch tomorrow too. Can't have this springing out of nowhere, like, how implausible! 😏 You hang with Sean Bryne and that atm, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah we'll be in the smoking spot if not our usual corner Jimmy: I'll slide into the seat beside you the period after make it look like we got it really bad 💘 Janis: 👍 twos up on the ☠ 🚬 then, lad. what could be more romantic? Janis: good thinking, grace is in that class too and she's hopeless with maths so she won't be paying the slightest bit of attention to anything but the absolute scandal Jimmy: What should I call you so you don't wanna punch me in the dick as soon as I go in for a pet name? Janis: Eurgh, good shout, even if it is just to save your own bollocks, can't blame a boy. I don't fucking know, what's not vomit-inducing but also #couplegoals enough to make it worth the hassle? Janis: Blah, just remember my name, yeah, that'll have 'em creaming. Such courtesies are not often extended their way, like. Jimmy: Deal. And I'll # everything #JJ so you can block it from your feed easy Janis: Solid. Janis: Imma take a picture with your dog tomorrow, it best be fucking cute. Jimmy: [Takes a selfie with Twix and sends it] Do you? Jimmy: Not my #goals but should spark jealousy with the intended Janis: Cute. Janis: The dog ain't bad either. 😉 Janis: I'm getting in practice Jimmy: I'll do mine in the comments when it's posted Jimmy: How keen is cringe in the eyes of Gracie and her friends? Janis: You're asking a mouthful there. If you're too nice, they'll say you're boring. But they've gotta at least pretend they're feminists in this day and age so if you are too full of the bants and low-key treating me like shit, they're gonna have to pretend they ain't here for that even though that's every boyf they've ever had, na'mean? Janis: Just say something confusingly inappropriate for what is not gonna be a hot pic, isn't that how you lads do? Janis: I'll set you up with a lame caption Jimmy: Thanks. There's back room access in it for you Jimmy: Again not a private snapchat invite Janis: Steady on there, not until the 3rd date, at least! 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Seriously though. You're not as much of a bitch as everyone says. Nice one. Janis: Well, don't be spreading that backhander about, will ya? Janis: You've got a rep to make, that's a bit of mine I'd like to protect Jimmy: 🤐