#I forgot how long this has been a franchise 💀💀

[yuckydraws]

Joining a new fandom with little knowledge and having to learn all about the fannon-verse as well is a whole journey in and of itself. However, it makes me realize that new Undertale fans? Are probably the most lost 💀💀

[legowolas]

Soooooo, I watched Spider-Man No Way Home yesterday,, I'll put my thoughts under the cut 🤔

I'm pretty sure this is literally the first new Marvel movie I've watched since AMATW??? Hakdhsd

And I only came for ANDREW GARFIELD MY BELVOEDRBELOVED BELOVED BELOVED BELOVED BELOVED

AND HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

Truly he came back with a VENGEANCE to make Spider-Man AS gay as possible. And he succeeded 😌

Also he spent literally over half his screen time crying. And I mean, I loved it, but also it made ME want to cry 😭😭😭

I don't think my joints will ever be happy until he SWEEPS me off my feet and cracks them like he did for Tobey Maguire Spider-Man 😔

Was vv disappointed with how little he was in the movie though. I'm not sure what I expected but I was waiting for him to arrive for SO LONG

But literally every second he was on screen for was perfect.

Marvel should just stop making movies because they will NEVER again produce anything as good as "are you okay?" "yeah... are you okay?" "*in tears* yeah." (If you haven't seen the movie yet I KNOWWWWW this sounds like a shitty Marvel joke but it WASN'T it was an INCREDIBLY emotional moment and UGH I JUST ANDREW GARFIELD SPIDER-MAN MY BELOVED BELOVED)

Anyway this movie has proven without a shred of doubt that I am indeed heterophobic. When Andrew Garfield Spider-Man and Tobey Maguire Spider-Man are in love I'm like "wow omg good for them love wins", but when Loki is in love with Sylvie I'm like "wow this sucks she's like his siSTER love loses 😔😔😔😔". Have realised that she was not indeed like his sister, that was not the problem, the problem was the heterosexuality of it all 😩😩😩

(And yes, I know that since Loki is bisexual and genderfluid, no romance he has can actually be heterosexual, but the way Marvel executed it was just,, really bad, if you know what I mean? Like, I'm glad they finally acknowledged his bisexuality and genderfluidity, but the way they shoved it aside, and in the same breath, gave us this romance which they presented as m/f, kinda squicked me. But also, I feel the need to add that when I watched Loki, I didn't ship him with ANY of his clones, so maybe only Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire could make this normal idk. Also I KNOW that the movie established that the Peter Parkers were supposed to be like brothers but Marvel has ALREADY condoned clone-fucking and they can't go back on it now. Anyway Loki and Sylvie should have been party buddies but Andrew Garfield Peter and Tobey Maguire Peter should have kissed)

Moving on from Andrew Garfield but also staying somewhat on-topic: THEY JUST SENT TOBEY MAGUIRE PETER BACK TO HIS OWN UNIVERSE WHILE HE WAS STILL STABBED???? 😭😭😭

LIKE, SURE, HE DOESN'T NEED MEDICAL HELP OR ANYTHING

BUT WHATEVER

He was also great for every second he was on screen 😌😌😌

Anyway you know who had me GAZING at the screen with my mouth agape because I forgot how fucking gorgeous she was???? MJ.

YES SUE ME I FORGOT HOW PRETTY ZENDAYA WAS. BUT I REMEMBER NOW AND I WON'T FORGET EVER AGAIN

AND SHE AND NED WERE LITERALLY THE BEST TEAM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 AND GOD THEY BOTH JUST LOVE TOM HOLLAND PETER SO MUCH AND HE LOVES THEM AND AAAAAHHH. I CAN'T BELIEVE MARVEL IS GIVING ME THESE FEELINGS IN 2022 😔😔😔😔

Also okay Tom Holland was good. I always act like I have something against him just because he heads my least favourite Spider-Man franchise lsjdksjd but I don't actually dislike him. He also spent a fair amount of time crying in this movie (probably almost as much as Andrew Garfield (my beloved)) which, against my will, made me 😭

Speaking of which...

AUNT MAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Jk Marvel deaths don't make me that emotional anymore. Also I knew it would happen because I saw a spoiler djfkdjd. But Peter's reaction was 🥺🥺🥺 and I AM sad that she won't be in any more movies because she was magnificent

"Fresh water or salt?" "...WHAT?" "You know. Because you're an octopus." "..........." "...I assume fresh then." 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

I just love her so much 😭 truly an AILF (aunt I'd like to fuck, try blocking THAT, Tumblr 😤)

Also, I can't believe I got this far without addressing this...

MCU STOP TRYING TO BE INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE. YOU WILL NEVER BE INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE. THAT'S ALL.

Anyway I stayed for both end-credits scenes, having frantically googled after the movie ended if there were two, but not knowing what they were. I was hoping for another glimpse of Andrew Garfield but was enormously let down. Anyway if Marvel thinks they're conning me into seeing another movie about Dr Strange, that's hilarious

(Also I knew Wanda had lost her accent, but I forgot just how much 😭😭😭😭😭)

Also also I think it's hilarious that literally half the cast of this movie (or possibly more, I didn't actually calculate this) were British and putting on American accents

All-in-all, my ratings:

Andrew Garfield Peter crying (and everything else he did, but it was mostly crying): ♾️/10

MJ being drop-dead gorgeous: 100000000000/10

May being AILFy: 10000000000/10

Tobey Maguire Peter being Tobey Maguire Peter: 1000000000/10

MJ, Ned, and Tom Holland Peter being an adorable team: 10000000/10

Happy and May's weird on-off exes situation??: -2/10

Overall it was better than I'd expected, but I'd still have liked more Andrew Garfield. Also I find it funny that Marvel was trying to keep it so under wraps that he was in the movie, because if I didn't know he was going to be in the movie, I literally would not have watched it. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Marvel 😤

Everything else: 6/10