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spidermans-l-o-v-e-r · 11 months ago

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Growing Pains

Pairing: Eddie x Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Notes: I’m gonna cry they don’t need to be THIS ATTRACTIVE, also boy did I NOT edit this 🥹🥹🥹 what a lovely lil request from my bestie who you know in this moment I’m realizing I don’t remember how to spell your user I’m sorry I love you 🤣🤣🤣 okay I checked it’s @chihard20

The day started out normal, waking up snuggled in Eddie’s arms as he nuzzled your neck. He was always affectionate in the mornings, too sleepy to really want anything but you.

“Mornin’ Gorgeous” He mumbles into your neck, his hands trailing down your sides until they reach your hips. His fingers splay out over your plush body as he guides you on top of him. You giggle into him, rolling your eyes as you sit up. He likes when your hair is all messy like that after waking up

“Good morning baby” You grin, your hands sliding over his torso before planting them firmly on his chest. He grins wickedly at the way your back arches, blushing a little in the process as you start to roll your hips in slow circles. He smirks, sliding his hands back up your sides and squeezing lightly

“Ow!” You flinch away from his touch, and he stops immediately, sitting up

“Y/N? Hey… what’s wrong?” He feels your sides again, this time a little slower and you wince when his hands flow over a certain spot. He lifts your shirt and looks, there’s a bruise there, and it’s hot to the touch.

“What the hell is this??” He asks, his voice dripping with worry. He pushes your hair gently out of your face and you lean into his touch

“Okay wait wait don’t worry, Buck and I were working out yesterday and he got me in the side. It was a total accident I forgot about it”

He rolls his eyes, pulling you in carefully to kiss you “Remind me to kick his ass when I see him” you giggle and kiss him back, your lips moving slowly against his

“Will do”

Eddie painstakingly tells you he doesn’t want to have sex, and you’re snickering through it the entire time he’s trying to reassure you. It’s not that he doesn’t want it, he just doesn’t want to hurt you or anything. You begrudgingly accept his reasoning and get out of bed.

He takes his time in a very…very cold shower, cursing Buck with every pass of the loofah on his skin and you take that time to get washed up. You stare in the mirror, you look a little pale… a little tired. Huh maybe you just didn’t get enough sleep? Eddie was… enthusiastic last night to say the least. You just decide to shrug it off and finish getting ready for work.

After a busy breakfast and goodbye kisses to Chris, you’re both out the door, Buck is actually on time for once and you climb into the jeep.

“Thanks a lot cock block” Eddie mumbles as soon as his seatbelt is on and you snort loudly, holding your side lightly

“Don’t make me laugh! It hurts!”

“What do you mean cock block. I specifically did not call you this morning because I know y’all get it on every five seconds!!”

“You hurt her side! I couldn’t…. You know when she’s hurting like that. What kind of a man would I be!” Eddie frowns at him, crossing his arms over his chest

Buck looks at you in the rear view mirror “Damn, I didn’t think I hit you that hard Y/N, I’m really sorry.”

You shrug your shoulders, the pain is starting to flare up a little more so you adjust your seatbelt to not be over it.

“Hey it’s okay! It truly was an accident Buck, don’t worry about Mr. Horndog he’ll get over it”

You and Buck spend the rest of the ride teasing Eddie and laughing at him and he threatens to break up with the both of you. He slouches down in his chair, his arms crossed and pouting like a little kid. It’s impossible for you and Buck to not laugh at him.

It isn’t until a couple hours into your shift you start sweating. It’s not unbearably hot like it could be in L.A so maybe it’s just a you problem. You sit in the break area with a fan in front of you, your head laying on the cool table, you don’t realize your eyes were closed until someone’s hand is on your back, rubbing soothing circles to rise you.

“Hey Y/N, Cap wants you to…” Chim looks at you, you look worse than you feel which is pretty hard to achieve right now.

“Eddie?? Hey Eddie come up here, quick!!” Chim calls over the railing before coming back to stand by you. He gets down on one knee, pushing your sweaty hair off your forehead

“Hey… hey kiddo what’s going on?” He asks you softly and you look at him, your eyes a little hazy.

“Chim?” You say softly, you move your head slowly to the sound of Eddie’s footsteps as he jogs over

“Baby?? Y/N what’s going on” He repeats the question and you look at him with those same hazy eyes. He looks worried sick. You can see the panic behind the mask. You try to push yourself up slowly, but curl back up in a ball, crying out in pain and holding your sides

Chimney gets up from the floor, running to the railing “Call an ambulance!! Hen we need you, bring your med pack”

Buck holds back Eddie, standing in front of him as you’re laid out on the floor. Hen needs room to assess you and Eddie can barely give it to her

“Hey, she’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be okay” Buck says softly, holding his arms, he’s just as nervous. His hands are shaking and Eddie looks at him, taking a deep breath and nodding. He pushes Buck to the side but puts his arm around him too. He knows how much Buck loves you and he knows Buck is probably freaking out thinking he caused this.

“It looks like appendicitis” Hen says, looking up at the boys.

“Oh thank god. I thought I killed her. I can’t go to jail! I’m too pretty for jail!”

You wheeze with laughter but stiffen and hold your side again, Eddie whacks Buck’s torso

“Don’t make her laugh!”

The ambulance comes in record time and you’re loaded into it. Eddie gets in back, holding your hand tightly and kisses your knuckles softly. The team promises they’ll come to the hospital after their shift and Buck swears he’ll take care of Chris.

The ride there is a bit slower, and Eddie looks like he’s going to have an anxiety attack

“I’m stable. Stop worrying” your words are short puffs of air and Eddie lays his forehead on your arm

“God you scared me… you are scaring me” He whispers to you, can’t this thing go any faster?

“This happens to a hundred million billion people Eddie” your voice is soft “I’m gonna be okay”

“I’m not dating a hundred million billion people, I’m dating you. I’m loving you.”

Your heart flutters when he says that, you sniffle a little and he wipes away your tears.

“I love you too” you whisper back, closing your eyes slowly to rest

“…I love you guys too” Adam the paramedic wipes away a fake tear and you snicker, wincing and groaning in pain but it’s just too stupid not to laugh

“Don’t make her laugh!!!”

Buck is in the waiting room when Eddie is told he has to be there. His head snaps up and he gets up from his chair, Eddie hugs him tightly, patting him on the back

“What are you doing here?? I thought you were gonna watch Chris?”

“Isabel dropped by, and forced me out of the house” he chuckles, pulling away from Eddie.

“Said you shouldn’t be alone…Chris begged me to give this to Y/N, how could I refuse that face?”

Eddie sits in a chair and Buck plops down next to him, he passes him a piece of construction paper, Chris made a get well card, it’s got a picture of the two of them on the front cover. Eddie holds it, looking through it. God he couldn’t lose you, he should have been more serious about it earlier, maybe if he’d just asked a few more questions-

The card is snatched from his hands and he snaps out of it, Buck shakes it out. Eddie hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“There was nothing you could have done in the time you were with her to figure out it was appendicitis” He says firmly, giving Eddie no room to even fight it.

The wait isn’t long, two hours or so but it feels like so much longer to Eddie. He paces back and forth for a bit, before Buck gets up and trades places with him

“I’ll take a turn” he jokes a little and Eddie smiles sadly at him. Just glad he’s not alone anymore. He watches Buck pace slowly, breathing in time with his steps. He’s slouched in the chair, his arms crossed. He’d been in the same position this morning for more fun reasons and he wishes he could just go back to that.

“Mr. Diaz?” A doctor in scrubs comes out, taking off his bandanna. He sighs but smiles wearily at him. Eddie jumps out of his chair

“Is she okay? Please tell me she’s alive”

His voice cracks at the end of the sentence and Buck walks over, putting his arm around Eddie’s shoulders

“I’m Doctor Pascal. Of course she’s alive Mr. Diaz. She’s perfectly fine” He puts his hand on his arm and reassures him, a look of worry on his face

“Are you okay?” He asks, looking him over. Eddie is a wreck if he’s being honest. He nods fast, wiping the tears from his face

“I’m okay I’m fine. Can I see her? Can we see her?? Please”

Doctor Pascal gives Eddie another once over before nodding

“Yeah, yeah you can see her. But we only allow immediate family back there… so?” He looks at Buck kindly

“Oh I’m her boyfriend, he’s her husband”

Buck says it so calmly and smoothly, like he’s absolutely rehearsed this moment and was so ready for it

“Oh uh” Doctor Pascal just shrugs his shoulders “Follow me gentlemen”

Buck gives Eddie his biggest, shiniest smile and for the first time all afternoon Eddie laughs.

As soon as they all get to the room Buck is at your side, dramatically pushing Eddie out of the way, it makes you giggle and he cups your face in his hands, peppering little kisses all over

“Hi baby” he coos softly “It’s daddy Buck”

You snort and push his chest away, Eddie stands very still at the end of your bed, you look over to him, reaching your hand out weakly. You’re seeing two of him from the killer pain meds they gave you… but that just means you can see two equally as panicked faces

“I’m alive, Edmundo. I’m here” you say steadily and Buck kind of tugs him around the bed, joining your hands.

He finally snaps out of it, kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed with you. Dr. Pascal’s head snaps up from the computer

“Mr. Diaz wait you-“

Buck runs to the other side of the bed and helps you move over some, enough for Eddie to fit next to you. You wrap your arms around him so tightly, squeezing him as close as you can. You can feel tears falling onto your chest as you stroke his back, shushing him softly. He clings to you like his life depends on it and you understand that it probably does in this moment

“Just. Be careful with her okay?” Dr. Pascal scolds Eddie, who just nods slowly and gives him a thumbs up. The doctor leaves the room and you continue to stroke back, your hand trails up his neck and you start to play with his hair

“Daddy Buck?” You ask him, and you feel Eddie snicker into your neck

“I told Dr. Pascal I was your boyfriend and he was your husband

“You’ve been waiting to do that for so long how did it feel”

“Pretty triumphant not gonna lie”

You turn back to Eddie now, he finally pulls his face from your neck

“Hi”

He kisses you softly, it takes a second for your fuzzy brain before your lips respond to his, he slips off your heart monitor and holds it out to Buck who rolls his eyes and puts it on his own finger.

Eddie’s hand moves slowly over your body just feeling you. His hand settles on your chest right over your heartbeat and you smile softly, pulling away and taking his hand, kissing his palm

“Are you okay now?” You ask quietly and he sighs, nodding slowly

“I’m so glad you’re okay… I haven’t been that scared in a long time.”

“I know baby…but I’m okay now alright? I just have to heal”

“And I promise I’ll wait on you hand and foot. You won’t have to lift a finger” he kisses your forehead

“Hey! I’ll even stay over and watch Chris so you can take care of her” Buck offers, as he messes around on the computer

Eddie swats him away from the computer and you giggle

“Thanks Buck” He says sarcastically, but he means it, honestly.

“Hey it’s the least I can do for my partners!”

“Oh my god we’re not actually-“

Buck slaps his hand over Eddie’s mouth

“Do you want them to find out and kick me out?!”

#words by rhys #eddie diaz #eddie diaz x reader #evan buckley #9 1 1 #9 1 1 abc #9 1 1 fanfiction #911 x reader #causally writes this as if I don’t have an entire series going on #*hyena laughing*

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 3 months ago

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Hi, just curious. What's your 10 or 20 fave BL kisses from bl series/dramas/web series you've watched or are watching, if you have any?

Hey Anon,

I don't know if you remember this ask, it has been sitting in my inbox for a while now. Sorry for the late reply!

And of course I have favorite kisses. I love a good kiss. In my definition of a good kiss, it doesn't need to be the perfect angle or the perfect "lip-touching", I don't know, people rate such scenes differently. For me it is more about the emotions I could feel during that kiss, the build-up or if there is a special detail that really catches my breath. I guess you'll understand, what I mean when you see my choices.

This is not a ranking! It is in alphabetical order, not just because I don't want to rank them, but because I am lazy.

Bad Buddy

The iconic rooftop kiss. The whole build-up was perfect. The tears? The first short kiss followed by this gorgeous kiss filled with all the emotions one person can feel? What is not to like about this kiss!?

Be My Favorite

I was very protective of these two and especially Krist. People were saying, he can't kiss other man because he is homophobic and what is this then? Yes, I remember Sotus. The kisses were.. not good, but I gave Be My Favorite a chance and this kiss was so soft and so full of love and tenderness. I really enjoyed this whole scene a lot! And Kris can kiss.

Boys Be Brave!

This kiss came as a big surprise for me. It is Jinwoo trying to hide from Kisub and the letter finding him what leads to this quiet and beautiful first kiss. I loved everything about it!

Ghost Host, Ghost House

All of there kisses were so good! But I loved the teasing and the chasing in this scene especially. Those two have incredible good chemistry and I wish we could see more of them.

History 3: Make Our Days Count

Oh the desperation for each other was so real in this one. Both wanted each other so bad! But what I loved the most about this whole scene was the way how Sun Bo Xiang reassured Lu Zhi Gang that he desired all of him. So good!

I Feel You Linger In The Air

The most painful and saddest kiss in bl-history! It is such a wonderful scene. Everything about it made me cry and smile at the same time. Gorgeous scene!

Jack and Joker

They finally confessed and kissed for the first time. And what a kiss this was! It left the most of us speechless and a little bit breathless. The way Jack stopped the kiss in the middle to calm Joke down a little bit and they started the kiss again so fucking tender and argh! I love it so much!!!

Love Class 2

Love Class 2 has some really good kisses, but this one was something else! It is one of the softest kisses ever. I don't know how many times I have rewatched this whole scene. Just look at them. You can feel the softness of this kiss! And there were sounds during that scene... they were something else.

Love For Love's Sake

I really didn't expect that kiss at the end of this series. I hoped for a tight hug, but hello? Those two and the script kept delivering until the very end. This was pure perfection.

Love Mechanics

Yeah, well... perhaps I am just a sucker for YinWar kissing... I don't know. But every time I see this kiss I want to live in this scene forever and I would be perfectly fine. I am just sitting here, wanting to write about this kiss and I stared at it for an unhealthy period of time and forgot everything else. That is really bad. I love that kiss so much!

My Stand-In

They had some good kisses. This was not one of them, but this specific moment, when Joe gave in to the kiss, I was blown away. He really didn't want to like this kiss, but his heart still wanted it. The emotions!

My Tooth Your Love

Every once in a while there are these cute and small kisses, so ordinary and overlooked. I think these are very important to portrait a good and real relationship. Because kisses don't need to be these big moments in slow-motion and with different angles. Yes, those are nice, but I really adore those "small" ones that show the love between the characters.

Perfect Propose

The reason I picked this scene is because of the build-up. Hirokuni asked Kai not to call him Hiro, but Kai just ignored him and breathed Hiro and followed with this passionate kiss and I was just in awe.

Sing My Crush

I was absolutely not expecting this kiss! I thought we got this dead-fish-kiss and that would be it. I would have love the series nevertheless, but this scene? Damn, Korea! Such a good kiss!

The Heart Killers

I don't think those two are the best kissers in the industry. I think they have some good chemistry without a doubt. But this kiss. This moment here. It was everything for me. I can feel Style's hand on Fadel's head. I can feel it. And I love it! I am not normal about this scene! Everything about these few seconds brings me so much joy. The look on Fadel's face, the hand and everything that happend before and followed afterwards.

The Day I Loved You

This is still one of my favorite rooftop-kisses. For me it is the way they grab each other to pull the other one close. The way they want to crawl into each other, to feel the other person everywhere. Such a perfect first kiss! Such a perfect scene.

To My Star 2

I love these small kisses. I name them "A thousand little kisses". Those kisses make me smile and so happy! There is nothing more to say about it. I love them. To My Star is just an example for many other shows out there with these little kisses.

Unknown

I loved this whole scene. But this segment of the kiss, this little dance of them, is so good. I can't tell you how many times I just watched this specific scene. How easy Yuan maneuvered Qian around to close the door. How they kept kissing. I... I... nope. There are no words in my head anymore.

Well, these are a few of my favorite kisses. There are more, but I guess this list is long enough. I hope you like my little selection :) I wish you a wonderful day!

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ducklingpia · 2 months ago

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⋆˙⟡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 & 𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛’𝐬 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 🍎⋆˙⟡

ℋℯ𝓁𝓁ℴ 𝒟𝒶𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔⟡ ݁₊ . (Charlotte Tilbury's voice) After I read all of his content, I have been thinking about this man the concerning amount at this rate. So instead of letting them float around and occupy my rotting brain to the point of insanity,I decided to write this full summary of Caleb’s story in chronological order. Main reason is to put all my thoughts out of my brain and let them rest. But also- for the people who don’t have all of his cards I hope this can help you understand him a little bit better.

Words count: 16k (This is like a whole damn fic I’M SO SORRY)

Notes: I’m giving credit to @slimepuparibaba because I’ll be following their present & alternate timeline based on this post. Thank you so much for the guideline.

Warning: spoilers of all caleb’s content in game so far (Main story,anecdote, tender moments, secret times, Standard myth memory, Standard 5 stars card memories,Limited 5 stars memory, Affinity phone calls and messages ) although I’ll try to be as vague as possible and focus on my interpretations more than the details in each content.

I will separate his storyline into 3 sections : Past timeline, Current Timeline, Alternate/future Timeline

Let's go ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

── .✦ 𝑷𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆

Content featured: Some flashbacks in main story, Standard Myth, 4 star cards Tender moments (Borrowed Promise,Summer’s Echo, Longtime Yesterday, Stage Observer, Skyline, Verified Rumors), Anecdote (Pathless realm),Bond memory (Rain’s Embrace), Secret Times(Solace)

─ .✦ So here’s the thing, please correct me if i’m wrong but from my understanding - Only the events that happen in Main-story, World underneath, Anecdotes, and maybe bond memories are considered ‘main timeline’ meaning whoever you chose to romance, these events are still happening in your universe. Usually we consider the 4 star/ 5 star memories to be an alternate timeline for each guy, right?

but for Caleb it’s a different story. all of his 4 star cards that will be mentioned in this section were happening in the past. all of them have “old days:_____” written on them.

What does it mean is that - these events are not an alternate timeline. All these memories will still be happening no matter whether you choose to romance Caleb or not.

whoever your Li is, you still grow up with Caleb and experience these memories the same way. These memories had shaped MC to be the woman she grew up to be at the current timeline. If we keep this in mind then we will see their dynamic in a deeper perspective.

Flashbacks from childhood

─ .✦ Let's start with his villain's origin story. There are several flashbacks about mc’s relationship with Caleb throughout a lot of the content. I can’t remember in specific details which information came from which content. but here are what I can randomly gathered so far

Caleb also was an experiment test subject from the same lab as MC. We don't know since when but from his anecdote we know that he has been experimenting on up until 9- 10 years old

He possessed an ability to use his Evol from a young age. It has been hinted that he’ll become a force comparable to a black hole given time. Not even light could escape it.

I’m not sure when the first time the 2 of them met. Could it be in the lap? could it be after the First Wanderer attack? could they meet after grandma adopted them? . One thing for sure is that Caleb fell in love with MC the moment she held his hand for the first time. He immediately positioned himself in a role of “older brother” (Gege,Nii-chan, Oppa) in order to protect & take care of his new found-Family. They grow up together under the same roof.

It has been said that MC lost a lot of her memories during childhood. she went into a deep ‘fever’ and kinda reset herself every time she came back to normal. She forgot the time she met Rafayel at the beach, she forgot Caleb as well.

This probably happened several times - and every time she forgot about him, Caleb will introduces himself the same way “I’m your (gege,Nii-chan,Oppa) I’ll always be by your side”

Both went through the same traumatic event. What makes Caleb different from MC is - He does not forget. He remembers the time he has been in the lab. I strongly believe this has an effect on him psychologically when he grows up.

there’re also multiple call-back in small details that Caleb has been taking care of her all the time growing up. He himself probably formed his own identity as somebody who always be MC’s protector.

4 star card Tender moments: Borrowed Promise

─ .✦ This is the first time- skip we see MC and Caleb. The memory happened in her high school days. It’s a random summer day where Caleb dragged MC out to the park. The very first thing that I can see so clearly in this card is - He spoiled her ROTTEN. And he does it so naturally, like breathing. The amount of care & attentiveness that he has for her lowkey gives me whiplash since I just finished the main story the day before. This is the old version Caleb that grew up with MC- the one she always relied on. in here it already shows a hint of romantic feeling Caleb has for her when she talks about her “friend”

Another thing is, if we take a second to think about it. Caleb in this card was probably in high school as well. and to think a boy at this age acting like him is something so unusual. Made me kinda wonder how much he has to grow up so fast and be such a responsible ‘brother’ figure for her without having his own childhood.

4 star card Tender moments: Summer’s Echo

─.✦ Another fluffy card that shows more of Caleb’s softer side. He’s already in college here. Again, we can see HOW MUCH he spoiled her. every little thing that he does for her so naturally.He’s dotting on her to the max, MC seems to be used to it tho. It also mentions how Caleb fulfilled MC’s every wish and desire growing up. whatever she wants he will get it for her

Anecdote (Pathless Realm)

─.✦ The Anecdote shows his time when he was a pilot student in college at Skyheaven. We have a glimpse of Caleb’s other side. We also get to know more about the reason why he became a pilot (spoiler alert: MC) .

There are few important points that I wanna yap about in this one

1. his low-scored psychological test, one of his answers in the test

2. when he went to that test where he flew into the deep space tunnel and flew out of the designated path. Not sure if he did that on purpose? Maybe it was an accident

There's an underlying issue here, Caleb seems to have lost the fear of death. It’s like he’s numb to it. For a human to lack this instinct which is the most important fear we should have for survival. He lost it a long time ago. Do you realize how much he had to go through in his childhood to no longer feel afraid of death?

At his very last moment before he lost consciousness in the deepspace tunnel - going back to MC is the only reason for him to stay alive and survive that incident.

Bond memory (Rain’s Embrace)

─.✦ On this one we see more of his ✨Yandere ✨ side peeking through a bit. MC was already in college. I think from this moment MC starts to grow more onto her own self and starts to seek her own independence

There’s a guilt in him where he accidentally locked MC up in the attic all night when they were kids. He probably thought that MC forgot about it but she doesn’t. He probably felt so bad about it that he was the reason that made MC cry. He also swore to never lock her up again (well….)

Caleb also accepts in here that it’s not MC who’s not capable enough to protect herself, it’s him who’s not ready to accept that he’s not needed anymore + seeing that MC is still scared of loud thunder and covered in fear in his arms. Caleb asks to be the one to ‘protect’ her one last time from the storms.

4 star card Tender moments: Longtime yesterday

─.✦ This memory happened at MC last summer break before her graduation. Caleb took her to visit his former teacher from the Aerospace Academy. More moments of Caleb taking care of MC like a princess here (why can’t this be meee 😩). And more obvious hints of his feelings for MC. The way he uses her belonging as an excuse to keep other girls away from him is so 🤌🏻

4 star card Tender moments: Stage Observer

─.✦ Ok so this memory finally affirms my sus. Both of them obviously have an underlying romantic feeling for each other at this point dude. Can’t deny it. MC found a cute ass letter in Caleb’s dorm and went 58 steps to make him tell her who the girl is. The way MC reacts to Caleb potentially having a girlfriend is nowhere near platonic. She also kisses his cheek in front of the whole ceremony (poor dude was short-circuiting for a whole minute).

His graduation speech was basically a proposal to MC. Caleb is giving MC a little more hint with what he feels about her. But at this point both of them are still scared to cross the line.

4 star card Tender moments: Skyline

─.✦ MC went to Caleb’s workplace in Skyhaven before her hunter qualification exam. He shows her around, taking her to see different airplanes. They reminisce about when they were kids, when Caleb took her to watch the Airplane for the first time. The fact that he remembers every detail about that day made me wanna cry bro.

Another card where Caleb lowkey confesses to MC.When MC told him that she wanna be his ‘childhood friend’ in the next life He legit told her ‘What if I don’t wanna be your childhood friend anymore?’

With the EN localization I’m pretty sure we can just replace ‘the childhood friend’ to ‘gege/nii-chan/oppa’. so basically he asked her ‘What if I don’t wanna be just your gege anymore?’ what if I wanna be more than that?.

Although he tryna make it more lighthearted by saying he wanna be a seagull instead. MC’s response after this is really obvious that she knows.

Secret times (Solace)

─.✦ In my opinion this Secret time is happening in the past. there’re a lot of contexts in the dialect hinting that they were still living together. It’s basically a period ASMR that every Li has. Again, The way he took care of her & coddled her is making me so freaking emotional.

4 star card Dynamic Date: Verified Rumors

─.✦ This card is not available yet since it’s the reward from 10 days with you log-in event. But judging from the artwork I assumed that this memory is from the past timeline.

── .✦ 𝑪𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆

Content featured: Main story (Under Deepspace Chapter 4, Homecoming Wings), 5 star standard memories (Endless Summer, Exclusive Aftertaste), Standard Myth (Lucid Dream)

Main Story (Under Deepspace Chp.4)

─.✦ well, the kaboom chapter. many ppls speculated that Caleb knew about the explosion all along. I personally disagree. I think he’s just the victim like grandma & MC

Most of us players met Caleb the first time in this chapter so we might not feel the effect it has on MC much. But if you go back and experience all the content I listed above then come back to this chapter again, it really hits different….

Main Story (Homecoming Wings)

─.✦ Well, so many things happen and hit all of us like a truck in these 2 chapters. Let's hold each-others hands and recap some important information for a bit shall we?

Caleb got saved from the explosion, I assumed it was by that same professor that adopted Kevi.

It implied that he lost his arm from the explosion. They replaced his arm with a mechanical arm and put that zombie chip into his body as ‘the price’ for him being brought back to life

He created a new identity by being a colonel from the farspace fleet. Doing some kind of secret mission that involved putting a zombie chip onto everybody in the fleet.

The whole purpose of that Processor however, is still unclear. whether he wants to create a ‘perfect’ weapon or wants to help EVER do something. all of them seem to involve using MC’s Aether core power

I guess that somewhere along the way, Caleb found out about this. So he has no choice but to play both sides. There’s no way he’ll let these people touch the love of his life. But he also has to do what these people told him to, otherwise they will throw him away and ‘abandon’ him like what he said to us. in order to protect her he needs this power.

The problem is that- MC suddenly comes back to his life. now at the worst time possible. I think with all the traumas he had gone through so far+ the effect of the zombie chip, his behavior starts to change.

All crazy stuff happened and then MC found out all the things that he’s done behind her back. MC kinda realizes that this is not Caleb she used to know anymore.

They part ways not on a good term. There is some bitterness lingering between them. At this point, MC (player) has to decide whether she will continue to rebuild the relationship with the most important person in her life or move on from him.

5 Star card: Endless Summer

─.✦ From now on, starting with this memory, some people might consider this card to be an alternate reality if you chose to romance Caleb. But since the story is still pretty much about their reunion and they’re really awkward (although it’s so obvious what Caleb feels about MC) with each other. I will still count this as a main timeline event. In this card you can see Caleb being unsure if he should come back into her life. MC also feels some resentment for him after 2 weeks have passed in the main story. His Yearning for her is so strong in the kindle scene tho. the sadness, the hurt, the longing. Sooo yummy 🤤

5 Star card: Exclusive Aftertaste

─.✦ Another episode of their reunion arc. Caleb takes a visit to Linkon and MC sees him. Again in this one you can consider it as an alternate timeline already since some of their interaction starts to become a little bit romance-forward.

Caleb is still unsure about his place in MC’s life. MC is also unsure whether to let him back in fully.

At the end she gave him her apartment’s key and told him to visit her anytime he wanted to.

5 Star pair cards: Standard Myth (Lucid dream)

─.✦ This is so important. The myth story explains further about Caleb’s motive at his current position in the main timeline. It explores deeper into his lore and his back story with MC back when they were kids. MC received a special mission with the farspace fleet and went back to Skyheaven. Their relationship is a lot better here. But when we remember that this is still Love and depression myth. it gets dark and freaking sad real quick. I cried when I finish this Myth ngl

one thing I realize after reading this myth tho. MC. IS. CRAZY. ok? Sometimes we players kinda forgot that this girlie pop is lowkey sick in the head. what she did to herself in this myth is beyond me. Anyway we got more information about that damn zombie chip and reasons why Caleb didn’t really get affected by it like other dudes in the fleet (it’s the power of love everyone….I’m kidding)

We also got the first kiss mentioned in the story… yeah, they kissed already.Not directly on the lips but still… but the situation and the whole context of it were so damn depressing. At the end both of them silently agreed to forget about it.

── .✦ 𝑭𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆/𝑨𝒍𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆

Content featured: 5 star standard memories (Hidden Waves), 5 star limited memory (Painful Signal),4 star card Tender moments (Longtime Moments), Linkon New Year event Chapters, 4 star card dynamic date (Intertwined gold)

─.✦ From this part forward we are in the alternate / future timeline with Caleb - all of these will happen if you choose to romance him.

5 star card: Hidden Waves

─.✦ hands down my favorite 5 star card of Caleb. This happens after the event in his Myth story. MC visited skyhaven to see him and they had an argument. Caleb got sick & MC butting heads with him to let her take care of him. Caleb is being overprotective as usual & MC being stubborn as usual. they match each other’s freak tbh. after reading what they’ve done in the myth story I’m kinda done with these 2 lol.

In this card it really shows how much Caleb had been holding on to this ‘reliable presence’ to MC. All his life he has always been the one MC can relied on to the point that he refuses to let her see his weaker side. It's kinda sad.

Mc starts to take more initiative towards him in this. I really love the animation in the kindle scene. His facial expressions are so full of emotions. The whole story feels really intimate & domestic.

5 Star limited card: Painful Signal

─.✦ The debut of his mechanical arm. Their dynamic in this card is way more playful & intimate. the ways they act around each other are more like when they were in the past timeline now.

That graveyard scene where he took a selfie with his own grave? Iconic. peak Gemini energy. We also met his REAL sidekick (not that snake man thank god) , his old colleague from the Aerospace Academy. But remember this is love and deepspace. It took a different turn real quick.

Basically MC found out about his robot arm. It kinda hinted again how much this man has to endure all this time.

4 star card Tender moments: Longtime Moments

─.✦ In this memory I can see the shifts in their dynamic more. they’re a bit more flirty. The elevator scene had me curling my toes and giggling like a teenager. With MC coming to terms that her old version of Caleb is transforming into a different man in her eyes now. Caleb also starts to accept MC’s ability to fight alongside him also. They fought alongside and made a really good team together.

Linkon New Year Event Chapters + Intertwined goal 4 star card Dynamic date

─.✦ Since all the Event chapters haven't been unlocked yet. We don’t know the full story but from what I’ve read so far, they went on the fighting shenanigans together. Their relationship is more smooth. In the dynamic date it took a full on romance route now. with how close they already were compared to other Lis from the beginning. Their interaction feels really cozy and domestic here.This is where the relationship really shifted for real I feel. Caleb finally confesses, MC also confesses, they almost kiss. Life is good again ☁️🕊️👼🪽

✧₊⁺ In conclusion:

─.✦ I had a big ass crush the moment I met Caleb in chapter 4 before he got kaboom and gone. then got completely swept off my feets by Rafayel. The moment I found that he will be back as a new li again,I opened a new account preparing for him immediately (back in late November). So when he’s out I was able to get all of his content the very first day. but I made a mistake (like 99% of us) by going straight to the main story without checking out his 4 star memories first. safe to say that I finished the chapters with such a bitter taste in my mouth. I had to take a break from him the next day. At some point I even regretted making an account for him. But I decided to give him a chance and read all of his content bit by bit. I re-read his main story chapter again as well.

Now that I complete all of his contents, my feelings toward him have completely changed. He went from being at the bottom of my tier list when I finished the main story to now breathing at Rafayel’s neck and ready to snatch me away.

I just hope this post can persuade those of you who are still unsure about this man. If you feel put off by him after reading the main story but still wanna give him a chance, I highly recommend starting from

his 4 star cards in the past timeline. you can get them in the wishing well shop. they’re relatively cheap. or you can watch them on youtube.

Read his anecdote

If you can, I recommend pulling at least one of his myth pairs. You can unlock the full story in the special event for a limited time even if you have only 1 of them. or again, you can watch them on youtube.

I also wrote another post about the controversial topics regarding his character in this post. You can go take a look if you wanna read my take on it.

That’s all, please feel free to add your own thoughts in the reply if you wanna talk about him. I’d love to read them.

English is not my first language so I apologize in advance If I make any mistakes.

Time to go back to my main man 🚶🏻‍♀️ gosh I miss my stinky fishie so bad I’m gonna go annoy him in the cafe for the next 5 days now. Bye bye ��

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jeleynai · 20 days ago

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Hii hope you're doing good! Wanted to ask some things if you don't mind, if you do issok!! Just avoid this and sorry 😅

But does your art style have a name and do you have any tips on learning this type of art style? Been trying but it's been really hard and idk where or what to start on. Thank you! Love your art btw it's so breathtaking <3

I got this question ages ago and totally forgot about it until now, I'm so sorry >.> I never mind questions though!! I love nerding out about art c:

I don't think my style has a specific name? Maybe like a semi-realism type thing? (If anyone has a better way to describe it please let me know haha)

As for learning I'd recommend learning from life for this type of thing! I did a ton of photo studies (and still do).

What helped me a lot when I was starting out was doing timed environment studies. Weird I know with how many characters I draw but hear me out: When you're on a time limit (I usually set 30 minutes) you have to be a lot more intentional with the marks you're putting down so you end up waffling around a lot less over time. This also helps really hammer home how to use all your tools properly and forces you to think about your brush economy.

Here are some 30-minute environments from 2020 (I should.. do some more again, I haven't timed my plein air in a while oops)

(showing old ass art always feels a bit scary haha I'm getting old)

They're really rough but they helped me try to nail down colours and learn how to best use my brushes! I actually made a brush specifically for that image on the right before I got started on it because I knew I was going to be drawing layered stone and I wanted to prepare myself for the half-hour mad dash these things always end up being. (I named him Francis)

For more character specific things - I actually did the 100 heads challenge a few years ago and it helped TONS with getting more confident in my lines and putting down features. I'm still not a line artist or a great sketcher by an means but it helped me feel a lot more loose and relaxed when I start things!

PAINTING wise I also learned from photos and I drew from life! A good reference is honestly 90% of the battle, just make sure when you're studying or working off a reference that you're identifying what makes the image appealing and capture that as best as you can. For me that's usually the light or the mood of a reference since I'm personally drawn to those things the most. Film studies can help you LOADS with this too! Cinematographers are the composition goats.

And the main thing is try to keep having fun! Motivation and drive are SO important and something I definitely still struggle with. I started drawing originally because I wanted to draw my D&D characters and then I wanted to get better so I could draw them better. Having small goals and passions does wonders for progress! Try not to aim TOO high either, I know from experience that 'waiting until I'm good enough' for an idea can end up with just.. nothing being drawn because I don't ever feel good enough for my own ideas, if that makes sense? Just remember you can always draw it again down the line!

Art takes a loooong time to learn so be patient with yourself!

ANYWAYS super long answer I'm so sorry if anyone is still reading: hiiiiii <3

#answered asks #I'm sorry I waffle on for so long when it comes to art #I promise it's just because I'm excited - I can totally get to the point #mkay maybe I can't

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starberry-cupcake · 4 months ago

Text

Welcome back!! I hope you're doing well and, if not, I hope my silly ramblings can make your day somewhat better, like the wildcats used to say: we're all in this together ♥

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

for those of you recently tuning in, this is the tag of all the ramblings

also, I'm officially in the sixth house now, palmolive can't stop me

CHAPTER 46

we're back inside the emperor's bolthole, which is infested

this is what happens when you have a lyctor orgy without the proper protection

gideon is doing her very best to fight the infestation of herald bees swarming and attacking her

she's in harrow's feeble small kitten baby body, so she's dying a lot

I'm gonna try to represent this visually

gideon keeps apologizing to harrow for getting her bits chewed off and her insides pouring out

and puts emphasis on things she wants harrow to remember

"I saw it eat your thumb—these details are important, so keep up with me—and your thumb was back in the next half minute"

"Child, that bee smashed you"

"I touched your intestines, which is usually what, fourth date"

me:

so, gideon takes off harrow's excess bones, which are no use to her, and goes further into the emperor's infested bolthole, where she finds mercygirl

mercygirl thinks gideon is harrow at first and, turns out, she was the one who stabbed her

these lyctors istg

can't trust any of them

mercygirl thinks harrow should be grateful that she stabbed her

and she was aware that harrow had "stuffed the soul of the cavalier in the back of her brain"

NOW WE'RE GONNA GET INTO SOME TERRITORY THAT MAKES ME GO ABSOLUTELY BERSERK, SO BEAR WITH ME

I NEED TO GET MY NOTES BACK FROM MY PREVIOUS RECAPS FOR THIS

she asks what happened with gideon's eyes and, as we have seen in the previous gideon-centric chapter, gideon's eyes are in harrow's face atm, if memory serves

"You're not her—she isn't driving you—but you have her eyes. Why? When they showed me your corpse I didn't think to check the eyes"

"I thought I knew what you were, though I didn't want to believe it..."

now listen, we're starting to tie some loose ends and some of those loose ends are linked very closely to my previous theories

I have been considering the Commander Wake is Gideon's Mom and Has a Personal Connection To Gideon The First and Is The One Connected With The Harrow Notes In Canaan AU for a while now

I need to link the specific recaps where I said this because I need to be transparent about where my brain was at

Evidence A, Evidence B, Evidence C, Evidence D

there's probably more but those are pretty clear

I swear to god if I was right about this I'm gonna screencap my own recap and put it here when the time comes

I've been marinating this one for months

I actually forgot how much of that I had written down in the recaps until I re-read them

mercygirl says that she thought the commander was a bad girl workaholic who put business before family, that she made her "the dolls" and she must have "played silly buggers with the emission" and that "gideon was on her tail"

"And then Gideon ruined everything. Then the commander ruined everything. Then you ruined everything. This could have been over eighteen years ago"

apparently gideon the first was "obsessed" with the commander, which accounts for some of the notes harrow read

I'LL GET BACK TO THAT WHEN WE GET TO THE SLEEPER, MY THEORIES CONTINUE

mercygirl starts calling gideon all sorts of names, including mutant, and keeps being bothered about her eyes

"Lipochrome. Recessive. You are the evidence. He lied to us...and you are all the proof I needed" "Cytherea would have known as soon as she looked at you"

is gideon the first gideon's dad??????? I mean, I always though he might have Something with the mom but my money was on gideon being made through science rather than Traditional Means

I mean, having lyctor genes in some way would account for gideon being a demigod, something I said with those words when I was reading gideon

also, remember when not!dulcinea told gideon she was prettier than the other gideon?? because I've never forgotten

mercygirl confirms that gideon the first was sent to kill gideon's mom

who, according to mercygirl, would have hated to be called a mom

mamá luchona intensifies

all of which aligns with my theory very nicely so far

she calls gideon more names, including "abomination, you heresy, you failed ambition nineteen years too late"

gideon reacts not wanting mercygirl to touch her instinctively

man, my theories are RIGHT THERE to be fully connected I'm BITING THE DESK

but there's no time for any more talk because mercygirl is trying to kill gideon in harrow's body

but she is stopped

she is shot

by not!dulcinea

but I don't think this is not!dulcinea, I previously mentioned her maybe being used by someone, not sure if it's possession or being used or what's going on but I don't think this is her

I thought about gideon the first being the one to do it but if he wanted harrow dead, I'm not sure he'd save gideon now

not!dulcinea says "with a tone that wasn't" hers: "goodbye"

gideon ends the chapter with "what the fuck is going on?"

CHAPTER 47

we're back at canaan au and it's time to perform an exorcism

harrow has a new note

I've been connecting those notes to gideon's mom possibly commander wake (as linked above)

the latest note continues to add to my theory

"end of the line. falling. oxygen can't last the distance and won't redirect power from the payload. instead I will make you watch every moment as I get the last privilege you cannot enjoy you bygone son of a bitch. I hope you're both as sorry as I am."

I still think this is gideon's mom because that's how she died, I mean, she got to the ninth in a suit without air and gideon still had some, allegedly

I've been thinking that one of the two people involved in the situationship triangle described in the notes was gideon the first, and that maybe the other was dr reverend emperor john

he's the most likely to be a bygone son of a bitch, so maybe I'm right

so, if harrow connects the notes with the spirit that's haunting her

and I'm connecting them to gideon's mom....

what if it's her that's haunting harrow?????

I mean, Waker

I NEED TO STOP GETTING INTO THEORY TANGENTS

anyway, all of the ghoulie ghostie friends are getting together for a sleepover exorcism

I didn't use this when I should have, back when the different aus were going by, but here it is

real!dulcinea says "Pal always said I'd be the death of him. And I was..."

he died being a weenie but he's not all the way dead, so it's fine

harrow questions why everyone wants to help her but everyone's totally fine with all this, for different reasons

real!dulcinea is "horny for revenge" (that's a tshirt for the seventh girlies right there)

protozoa is there because duty is his full personality

abby is really grateful to be asked to help (she also really likes tombs, very lara croft of her)

magnus loves his wife

ortus wants a redemption arc and now has a polycule

martita is behaving better than judith

abby asks harrow if there's anything she can remember from the slasher waker sleeper to try to pinpoint who tf it is

there's a suit, blood, a gun and gideon's sword, which is the only thing harrowcita recognizes and doesn't know where it comes from

my money is on gideon's mom, commander wake, probably also the woman in the shuttle poster that harrow saw but didn't recognize back when she met camilla

I'M PUTTING MORE CHIPS IN MY BETS EVEN IF I GET NO MORE INFO RN

harrow is very interested in how abby and magnus make it work as a married couple who are also a necro and a cav

I wonder why she's so interested

anyway, everything goes to shit on the exorcism

like, it goes really, really badly

group project off the rails bad

I mean, they didn't even have blood

apparently the spirit is also tethered to an object out there (the sword??????? possibly?????)

and she (she's a SHE) is pretty much invincible and shooting everyone and performing parkour while she's at it

harrow says camilla would be impressed, which is the highest praise

the sleeper waker slasher potentially gideon's mom (but not sure because it hasn't been confirmed yet) calls harrow by her name, but in a way that sounds like she's never said it before

she says it like a curse, which maybe means she knows, to some degree, how harrow was made????

she's basically doing whatever she wants over here, shooting ghosts, punching ghosts, throwing them around, regenerating, not bleeding, pulling guns out of thin air

I mean, ok, we got it, calm down lady

where was this energy when it was time to kill the emperor

she says there's "no magic" there and that "she's been doing this for years"

she wants harrow, so she can kill her and use her body to "finish it"

WHICH MAYBE MEANS KILLING THE EMPEROR???

OH MAN I DO WANT THAT TO HAPPEN

BUT NOT AT THE COST OF HARROW

also, mrs potentially gideon's mom, even if harrow dies, there's also gideon in the body right now so, it's a bit crowded atm

maybe find another way to kill the emperor

use not!dulcinea instead, if you can get the current tenant to leave

the chapter ends with: "ortus cleared his throat"

MAN, I HOPE HE DROPS SOME POETRY LINES, WE SURELY NEED THAT

and that's it for today!!!!!things are certainly heating up in the emperor's bolthole!!!! see you soon for the next installment, fingers crossed for my theories!!!

#luly reacts to tlt #tlt #tlt spoilers #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #long post

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the-one-who-lambs · 9 months ago

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hi hey holy fuck i'm done with this. I tried to render for the first time following a "15 minute" tutorial and my noob ass turned it into a 3 hour learning experience. But now I have Narinder's reference for The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God! Rambles under readmore

SO I BARELY DRAW because I started learning how to draw like... May of last year, and then went bonkers over the summer making lots of progress and once the school year started in august I dropped it to focus on writing... and have drawn basically 1 thing in between then and now. Anyway. Last week I remembered, oh yeah, I used to draw sometimes. And suddenly had an all consuming urge to practice again.

And you know what? I forgot how fucking FUN drawing is. I take it much less seriously than I do my writing so my technique for now is pretty much "go ham and try a bunch of shit because you're getting practice and having fun with it anyway". and it IS fun until I try to do a specific thing and can't figure out how so thanks to those who tuned in to my stream tonight to see me push through the frustrating part of finishing this LMAO. uh according to the krita file this took me 13 and a half hours

If you didn't catch it a while back, the one thing I drew during my kinda-art-hiatus was my Lambert reference! Normal outfit, casual outfit (that they sometimes wear while off-duty, usually when visiting Ratau or just hanging out alone), and wedding outfit ^^

...Which means now that I have my narilamb references I can commission my friends. i have a few people who i already plan to open my wallet for.

"Ive already drawn you fanart for ur fic and now the outfits are very slightly wrong :<" ITS FINE I AM CHERISHING IT FOREVER PLS DONT CHANGE IT ITS PERFECT

"is it okay if i draw your designs" Why do yall think i would be mad about this i will eat that shit UP i would fucking LOVE that and I'm already foaming at the mouth because i'd been asked that a couple times while i was drawing narinder's reference lol

I'm still a beginner and constructive criticism is welcome! Will probably make less intensive references for the OCs in Risen/Fallen or at least draw them, Thenana and Juno for sure

#hannah's rambles #cult of the lamb #narilamb #narinder #cotl #Hannah draws #digital art #idk how else to tag this

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anima-writer · 1 year ago

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heyyyyyy, can you do a headcanons with pomni, caine and gangle with a artist reader

also, have a good day my folk

Pomni, Gangle & Caine w/ an Artist!Reader

Summary: The title

Warning[s]: NONE!! ALL FLUFF AND FRIENDLY!!!! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T SAW THIS ONE I'M SORRY

Pairing[s]: Pomni x Reader, Gangle x Reader, Caine x Reader; all platonic.

Word Count: 1.591

A/N: HHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIII, THANKS SO MUCH FOR REQUETING!! YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON TO REQUEST TADC HIHIHI

POMNI-

With an artistic reader like you, Pomni wouldn't make it at first glance. She would still be worried about looking for a way out of that place, so her attitude would be understanding; We should also highlight that she hasn't gotten along so well with anyone yet. Little by little time passes, and even though Pomni is still looking for a way out, she begins to have to socialize more with the rest of the characters to maintain what little sanity she still has left. And one of the other people she socialized with the most if we remove Ragatha, was you.

Time flew by and fled and without noticing, Pomni ended up making a friend during her journey through the place. With your friendship growing, it would be obvious for Pomni to notice your hobbies. Art.

Observing you, you usually draw/scribble some drawings in your free time; free time where Caine wouldn't be around to introduce them to a new adventure that would result in more mental discomfort. Seeing you just in your square without thinking about anything other than finishing your drawing makes herself stop for a minute from her own turmoil to analyze you while drawing. She's sitting next to you just watching, not in a scary way, just a Pomni tired of discord and wanting to do nothing but nothing.

You and your drawings are a good escape from reality when it comes to this subject. But even though she wasn't a total stranger, as her expression of tiredness at your side would be surprising, she gathered her strength to give you small compliments about your work:

"Humm, your art is cool..? No- hum is great! Yeah! So great that I can eat it!.......forget it please."

She's not good at giving compliments. But try. Believe.

One more idea I would like to share about a Pomni with an artist reader would be that she wouldn't mind you using her as paper. I mean, she would care, but wouldn't notice you using her as a paper. Come on, we have a Pomni babbling about her worries and conspiracies about this place with you by her side and we have you, bored because you forgot your sketchpad and just brought your pen.

With boredom slowly consuming you, you make some doodles on your palm only for it to become boring as well. However, the moment Pomni throws her arm towards you, you have a mischievous idea to start doodling on her arm. You start to make simple, small symbols so that Pomni doesn't catch you by surprise, but she ends up catching you by surprise… by not noticing anything.

Just disappointed, you just continue to scribble on her arm until it is completely filled with your drawings; when finished, she still hadn't noticed it.

Later, she only noticed her arm completely covered in scribble by someone else pointing it out. She would be totally tormented that she didn't remember you doing that. It seems like she was too busy talking.

In the end, she would think it was cool that you were an artist and would think it was fun…a little.

GANGLE—

What a coincidence we have here, it seems like you ended up finding a drawing companion in this place. Gangle even enjoys the same interests as you, drawings! But, specifically, she likes to draw in a more anime-style way.

Like the others, she just watched you doodling, but tried to be as discreet as possible so you wouldn't think of her as a stranger. However, after you got to know each other better and started to socialize more over time, she had the courage to bring up her hobbies during one of her conversations, after a lot of courage required of herself.

For Gangle to be able to show you her work, it will take a lot of time because she is not used to exposing her interests. But after losing his fear, Gangle finally manages to show him his art and after that the two of you are talking for hours! And Gangle would be the one communicating the most.

Your conversations can be anything but make sure Gangle is the one directing the conversation. She's just happy to find someone who doesn't make her feel pressured.

“Hey, remember when you were asking about my drawings? So, um, I kinda drew you. Hope you don’t mind the art style...” –And soon the little masked woman in front of you would be handing you a piece of paper with a drawing for you.

I believe that Gangle would love to do some drawing challenges with you, and several of them would be: Drawing a character that was requested by another, drawing while running against time, drawing and having to swap each other drawings and continue, testing new drawing styles (In this specific case, I believe that Gangle wouldn't be able to escape her anime style; even if she wanted to). and etc…

Arriving next to you, you, once again, notice a masquerade made of ribbons coming towards you:

“[YOU]! Look! I did the art challenge that you made up for me! What do you think?”

One last thing I want to point out would be about compliments. Unlike Pomni who, at least, tries to praise; Gangle can't do it. She may be thinking of thirty-five different types of languages just to mention how amazing your drawing is, but when she opens her mouth, all that comes out is one: “Oh, cool.”

During the night, Gangle squirms, cries, and starts having a meltdown in her bed all because she feels guilty for not saying what she really wanted to say. Please don't blame her, she really likes your art, she just can't express herself properly...

CAINE—

Unlike the others I wrote, he would be the only one who would notice your artistic side at first, however, he wouldn't point it out. Just make a mental note of this fact without you realizing it. However, he loves recognizing artists so if he saw you doing any kind of project, he wouldn't hesitate to praise you; Even though that moment isn’t one of the best…

“Wow, my dear!—” —Caine exaggeratedly expressed himself through the air– “—I can say for sure your work is fabulous!... But you should keep your eyes on the bull.”

And before you can even ask him what he was talking about, you're hit by a bull in a fancy beach hat.

Even though these small interactions are not always cool, given that Caine appearing right in front of you never means anything good, he has a genuine feeling for your art.

He likes to see you drawing at the same time he tries to do his speech, but doing two things at the same time can be a challenge. So, if you are just doodling in your notepad and don't listen to his voice, it’s because Caine is right behind you watching you draw. No one catches Flying Tooth's attention, because the longer you keep him busy, the longer everyone in that circus doesn't have an adventure; in which they are too tired to sustain mentally.

Bringing the theme of adventure to the surface, there are times when Caine asks you, in private, for your permission to use one of your arts for future adventures. It's not that he has few ideas for his adventures; His process of creating adventures would be in daydream, so imagine while he produced his work mentally, your work ends up infiltrating his mind, but unintentionally, the idea ends up becoming better than he imagined. And that's how we get our host's first sentence asking for permission. But don't worry, only if you want to of course...only if you want to be dropped in the void if you don’t allow it.

Just kidding, Caine would understand and move on.

With Caine being an art connoisseur, he has to prove it, and there's nothing better than showing it off to everyone. Caine, for sure, would be those types of parents who, if their child showed a common project for a child, they would display it as a trophy, that is, if you do something, be sure that if Mr. Tooth likes it, he will show it to everyone. . Whether you want it or not.

“Oh gosh, little star! I… I LOVED IT!”

About to respond, Caine continues his speech, taking your work from your hands: “LOOK EVERYONE!—” –Caine called the attention of the circus cast— “[YOU] MADE THIS!” —Caine floats above everyone with your project still in hand, not wanting anyone to miss it.

“Caine, you really don’t need to do it.” —You announce watching him while it flies moving from one place to another.

“Yeah. Those drawings aren’t gold, you know?” —Jax said, standing right next to you. Hearing this, Caine turned his “head” as quickly as possible towards the rabbit and then snapped his fingers, making him instantly disappear from your side. After this event, the silence soon prolonged until Ragatha broke it:“...Wow [YOU]! I love the way you used those colors in your art. It seems you took a long time to choose them.”

“Yeah! But I liked the lineart for sure!” –Continues Kinger

Some followed Ragatha's example just so they wouldn't end up with the same fate as their purple companion. Others, such as: Kinger and Zooble, didn't get the message or just didn't care that much about speaking verbally.

Caine really likes that one of his characters is an artist for sure.

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #pomni x reader #gangle x reader #caine x reader #x reader platonic #platonic #the amazing digital circus #tadc pomni #tadc gangle #tadc caine

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lllivia · 1 year ago

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Lottie Matthews x tired fem reader

Reader is overworking herself because she's stressed about very important exams that will guarantee she gets to the college she wants, but lottie noticed this, and just drags her away from her desk to cuddle and pamper little cutie kisses all over her face, body, basically everywhere until Reader falls asleep :((

U said to send requests, so idk if this one is all that good 🥹

I'll always take care of you

Lottie Matthews xf!reader

a/n: AHH I HOPE THIS IS OK, I'VE NEVER REALLY GOTTEN REQUESTS SO I'M PROBABLY NOT THAT GOOD YET (also I forgot to read through it properly and kinda went offscript with some of it sorryy) 😭😭

Summary: Lottie tries her best to comfort you in a stressful situation

Warnings: not proofread, kinda short, modern au, tooth rotting fluff

"Fuck" you mutter as you sit up, rubbing your eyes as you look down at the cluttered desk where you accidentally fell asleep for a few minutes, once again.

You look down at your stuff and sigh, tired of all the studying you have been doing for the last few weeks to make sure you'll ace your upcoming exam.

As you sort through the multiple stacks of paper and pencils your phone suddenly vibrates in your pocket, effectively breaking you out of your trance.

'Hey can I come over? Soccer practice just finished 😎⚽' - lottie the loser🤓💕

The notification lights up, making you giggle tiredly as you see the message from your girlfriend. You hadn't really spent too much time together lately, usually clinging onto each other 24/7, but ever since your exams had started you had been locked up in your room revising everything you had learned for much more time than needed.

You quickly go to answer, your happiness sucked out of you as you look down at your work again and remember you still have stuff you haven't gone through as throughly as you would have wanted.

'I'm sorry Lottie but I don't think I have time for that rn, too busy studying ☹️💔' - you

You respond before putting your phone down, focusing once again on your work.

After about an hour you decide it's time for a well deserved break and stand up from your desk, swaying slightly from the exhaustion weighing down your body before collapsing right into bed thinking a thirty minute nap wouldn't hurt.

DING

You shoot up from bed, wondering who could have just rang the doorbell as your parents weren't expected home from their date until late that evening and the only other person who you had talked to was Lottie, who you specifically told not to come.

DING DING DING

Comes from down stairs once again and you throw your blanket off of you, a tiny bit pissed off that somebody decided to disturb the little time of rest you had set off for yourself.

A few long seconds go by before your hand wraps around the handle to your front door, opening up to whoever interrupted you.

"Hi baby!!" Your girlfriend excitedly says as you open the door for her, stepping into your house before you can even utter a word.

"Now I know you said not to come over, but we haven't hung out in so long and I miss youu" Lottie pouts, shrugging off her backpack before wrapping her long arms around you.

"I miss you too Lot, it's just that I have to nail this exam to pass my final grade" you sigh again, feeling miserable about rejecting her as you pull away.

"Come on y/n, I haven't seen you looking up from your notes in WEEKS, you look exhausted and you need to rest. " Lottie responds with a mildly stern voice as she tries to hide her sadness.

"It's just a couple more weeks, I'll be fine! There's no need to worry about me" you try to reassure her.

"I have to get into this school Lot, It's where my parents always wanted me to go, and I don't want to disappoint them.." You continue, suddenly somber as you try to contain an overwhelming gush of emotions.

"You have nothing to worry about y/n, I know you, you're probably going to do better than anyone else ok? So let's take a little break together, it will probably be easier to study after you've slept a bit" Lottie says gently and lifts her hand up towards your face to brush over your cheek gently in an attempt to comfort you.

Quickly accepting defeat you lean into her, too exhausted to argue as you let yourself relax properly for the first time in a while. "Well I was planning to take a tiny break anyways, but no longer than an hour, ok?" you muster a small smile and playfully poke Lottie.

"Ok then, go lay down in your bed, I'll be right there" Your wonderful girlfriend gushes and hurries to her backpack as you start walking towards your room.

10 minutes go by with no sign of Lottie before you start to get to get suspicious. You're about to get up to check if she left when she walks through the doorframe with a tray in her hands, balancing two steaming cups of tea, two blueberry muffins (from your favorite cafe) and a bowl of fresh fruit while looking extremely proud of herself.

"Oh gosh, you didn't have to do all of this Lot" you let out a surprised laugh making the girl opposite of you grin even wider, her tiny fangs showing.

"Of course I did, I love you" She puts the tray down in your lap and snuggles up close to you. "And I'll always take care of you, okay? So if you ever feel this much pressure and stress again just come to me and I'll help you in any way possible" she peppers your cheek with kisses and wraps her arm around you affectionately, using the other hand to turn on the tv.

What feels like hours go by as you relax together, enjoying the peace as a movie plays.

You end up laying in Lotties lap as her hands soothingly brushes through your hair, her head coming down to kiss you once in a while as she explains that your lips are so addicting that she'll never get enough of them.

And then before you know it the tray is set aside and you lay down, your back pressed against Lotties front as she whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

"I love you Lot" you whisper tiredly, your slightly slurred words making her chuckle as she kisses you all over.

"I love you too baby, I'll wake you up in the morning, you need some proper sleep" she whispers back as all your thoughts drift away, the last thing you feel being Lottie shifting one last time to kiss your forehead before she slowly begins falling asleep too, her heart beating steadily as she listens to your calm breath with a small smile on her face, happy that she managed to make you feel better.

a/n: so sorry idk anything about how american high schools or college's work so Idrk how they do exams either 😍

PLEEEASE SEND REQUESTS I'M BEGGING YOU 🙏😩

#lottie matthews #lottie mathews x reader #lottie matthews smut #lottie matthews x reader #lottie yellowjackets #yj98 #yj #yellowjackets x reader #yellow jackets #yellowjackets #made by lllivia

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decafbat · 1 year ago

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i really like how much depth your art has, do you think you could show how you break down bodies when sketching if that makes sense? it’s something i struggle with a lot in my art! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

ok apologies in advance, this is probably going to be a really long and tangential rant about art that may or may not actually help you in learning how to construct bodies. im just gonna put it under a cut to save everyone from seeing this huge text wall.

i dont think its gonna be possible for you to replicate my methods here, because theyre mostly just really specific shortcuts for finding certain proportions and reference points for anatomy, which i'm fairly versed in, but not as much as i'd like to be. the shortcuts you'll need will be different from mine. im glad you think my art has depth, that is something i am trying to seek very intentionally right now, and i dont think im even close to the depth of form i am actually aiming for. so like. this makes making a tutorial kind of inherently hard. nevertheless, i threw this quick sketch together after like 3 failed attempts. (i was doing those attempts digitally, ended up giving up on that and going back to traditional because its what im most comfortable with rn)

i didnt get all the steps i took to get here because scanning that much would be cumbersome but ill try to explain how i got here. i start with the head almost every time.

i use a lot of symbolic/graphic shapes when drawing heads and dont stick to using forms very often besides the circle at the center of the head, which i use as the base to form these graphic shapes around. think of it like "wrapping" the ball in various textures and masses. the eyes are usually "textured" onto the head, notice how the her left eye looks narrower then her right. of course i try to make sure her bangs sit along the curve of the sphere and her ears look like they sit on opposite sides of the head. its easy to forget that part, making the head look unsymmetrical. the particular masses of leica's head would be her snout, which is just a curve extended slightly outside the diameter of the ball, and her hair, which are two strange organic shapes that are quite hard to draw, two hair sprig anime antennae things (forgive me, i forgot the word for them,) and the back of the head, which i usually need to extend slightly. its a little too extended here, needs more on the top, i fix this in the final pass. this was a quick sketch, so i didnt focus too hard on the forms of the head beyond the most essential ones for her design, but i sometimes highlight the form of cheeks with curved hatching, or try to make the eyes appear more sunken-in as they are on human faces. i dont know how to proportion the neck and torso correctly until i draw the head, so i always do it first. next, i did the torso.

so heres why i said that you probably wont be able to replicate this approach. you do kind of just have to practice anatomy, i cant just make it make sense because im not very good at explaining this stuff, but ill try to go through what i did here. so, i generally use simplified bone shapes to find proportions and reference points, as well as more complicated shapes like those of elbows and knees. i try to study fairly often because im not satisfied with here im at with this stuff yet. of course, i dont think i'll ever be. so i'll usually start with the ribcage, add a shoulderblade out the back to find the shoulder, the armbones come out of that, the bone in the upper arm connects to the ulna with a sort of three-pronged attachment, one big knurl in the middle, which forms the thrust of the elbow, two little ones on the side. i think those are part of the ulna but i dont remember. see, you dont really have to know what exactly they do as long as you know what they look like. the ulna does some goofy rotation shit i dont understand, connects to the wrist, and then we have a hand, which, i mean, im not good enough at hands to even be telling you how to do it, but i just have a big squarish mass and some little hotdog fingers coming out of that. you can see on her left hand that ill have a big circle forming the the area on the hand where the thumb attaches... theres more depth to the hands, i think you can easily find better tutorials then i could offer. anyway, under the ribcage theres the pelvis, represented with a box. ill get into that when i talk about the legs. i wanna briefly talk about the way i add the flesh and fat to the bones.

so, i really can't give a comprehensive crash course on anatomy, but i can point you towards the morpho series, which is where i get most of this stuff from. you can get very far with the volumes Simplified Forms, Fat and Skin, and Skeleton and Bone Reference Points. moving on, i just kind of have a feel for where the masses attach by now. the important thing to remember when drawing fat characters like this is that the fat should "hang" from the bones and flesh, drooping down slightly. leicas fat hangs substantially, so she's not very wide despite her weight. this is important to her character design i feel. i almost always draw characters naked first when doing serious drawings because it will come in handy knowing where the forms of the body are when i add the clothing. by focusing on the way her body looks naked, i can modify the impression of those forms when adding clothes, and when i add them later on in this drawing, leica will take on the distinctive boxy look i try to draw her with.

if you look at the arm, youll see that the place the line of bone sits is very high compared to the whole mass of the arm, the flesh and fat of the arm "hang" from the bone, and then the upper arm squishes against the bent forearm too. even if the anatomy in the arm is indistinct, it can still look convincing when the forms act realistically against one another. the elbow has much less fat connected to it, so its more bony then the rest. this isnt actually consistent on all people so like, think about that kind of thing when designing characters, like i was talking about before, fat can sit in infinite different ways. maybe if i was doing a more objective anatomy lesson i'd draw cath, because i do have a sort of vague understanding of muscle placement that doesnt come through here, but probably would if i was drawing a scrawnier character. let me know if you want that.

a word on the breasts too: they hang a bit lower then you'd expect, keep that in mind. the attachment point is also angled, as the line shows. the line starts roughly in the middle of the torso and ends around the armpit, but the form of the breast can go underneath the armpit or even connect around the fold of fat in the back. many things to think about. i love boob shapes. ok lets finally get on with it and talk about the legs.

so, the really specific shape of the pelvis doesnt matter that much unless youre drawing a really thin character, so its just a box here. out from the sides of the pelvis, extending out more then you'd expect, is the femur, which ends in a similar joint to the arm. this shape helps me figure out the form of the knee. two masses on each side with a bunch of complex and weirdly shaped bones forming the kneecap, which i have omitted because i dont yet know shit enough to include them. i am learning though. so, obviously the feet are just scribbles here because im just gonna put her feet in socks anyway. you really dont have to do more then you have to. a few tips i can offer here, the butt should hang a bit too when drawing fat characters, i think the butt is supposed to start just below the pelvis if i remember, but take that with a grain of salt. i also didnt really do that here but its hard to tell because she's facing mostly forward. again, i dont think i can really communicate what's going on here. morpho has a lot of great drawings explaining the shapes and muscles of the legs, all things i might focus on more when drawing a scrawnier character. for this case, i regrettably don't go too hard on the legs. also i should note that legs would usually be much longer, leica is really short so ive exaggerated the proportions to communicate that. i may change my mind on that front in the future and give her more grounded proportions. the important thing to remember with legs is just getting a nice hierarchy of forms going. bigger thigh going into smaller calf going into smaller foot. it mostly comes automatically now.

i added the clothing, shaped up her head a bit, added a bit of fur. i put her in her classic outfit, just a sweater and jeans. i enjoy the big thick folds that come out of these clothes, and big areas of white space too. its nice. i try my best to form all the folds around the forms of the body i drew earlier. thats one case where i really really have no idea what im doing and could never explain it in words. its just some fun intuitive play with loops and lines. this is at around the stage for a sketch where i'd do inks, or if it was going to be a finished pencil drawing i'd erase out parts piece by piece and replace them with nicer and more defined lines and tones.

i guess that's all i can offer , i hope that halped.

#leica #artworks

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blumoontf2 · 7 days ago

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TF2 Merc Headcanons!

Starting with the Offense Classes!

We’re starting with Scout, Soldier, and Pyro! It’s mostly just rambling… I’m sorry Soldier enjoyers, I love him in the comics but I had no ideas 😭

Scout

All bark but can and will still bite if challenged to.

Inclined to be more reckless but in a heroic sort of way (i.e stepping into gunshot for somebody, or pulling someone away from a bomb).

Scout knows Spy is his Dad but is horribly gaslighting himself to believe he’s wrong (source: read the comics)

Loves celebrating birthdays!!!

ADHD coded

Fidgeter. Fidgets A LOT.

Wouldn’t exactly be a kleptomaniac but I think he would steal a lot from people knowingly and accidentally.

Steals things to fidget with, steals things to use (and forgets to return them until called out)

Can’t cook that well on account of his Mother or Brothers were often the ones to do it.

Good Dishwasher though! (he was forced into the role. He hated it until he was given gloves to use)

Second Youngest in the cast.

Closest to Sniper, Demo and (surprisingly) Spy in a ‘bickering all the time’ way. Also close to Engie in a mentor way.

As much as I LOVE Scout&Pyro friendship… yeah, it would take a couple of months for them to become friends.

Even when friends I think Pyro would still mildly freak him out.

They bond over art though!! :)

Also relatively close with Heavy in a big brother type of way. I imagine he’d be reminded of his brothers back at home, and Heavy by his sisters.

Soldier

I’m sorry, I don’t think about this man very often 😭

Saw a headcanon once that (due to him thinking cardboard cutouts of people are real) he sometimes places his hands on people’s chests just to feel their heartbeat and know they’re a real person.

I took that headcanon and ran (I forgot where I saw it from though I’m sorry 😭)

Very in tune with his state physically. Mentally not so much…

Like Pyro, can be convinced to do anything for a lollipop or sticker.

Pities weak men (and will try to train the American into them)

Weak men include (but are not limited to) the French. The British. Children.

THIS MAN IS SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS. HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE TELEPORTED BREAD FUCK OUTTA HERE!!

Very smart practically. Knows a whole range of survival skills. Can tell the time from the placement of the sun in the sky

Is an INSANE navigator! You’d think you’re getting more lost by the amount of times you pass the same rock but put your trust in this man and he will get you out of a forest before sunset!

I feel like he would fish in his spare time. Not… in a traditional sense though… more like in a Brave when Merida teaches her bear mum how to fish like a bear.

He’s really fucking bad at geography. Can’t distinguish between two different flags. Could not tell you where Poland is on a map. Probably thinks that Russia and America are oceans away even though Alaska and East Russia are brushing tits at their coasts. I’m not saying this in a stereotypical American way, I’m just saying Soldier probably doesn’t remember lots from school.

His name is Jane Doe. Does he have some canon memory loss event wherein he was accounted for as a Doe by a hospital or something? I like to think he was really smart in his childhood then trauma event happened, lost a lot of memory including his identity, became propaganda America to cope.

He’s not very well socialised? It’s not that people hate him, it’s just that he’s… a lot!

Closest with Demoman. Might also be particularly close to medic in a surprising turn of events for they both are rather into physical fitness and health.

Medic and Soldier could probably have lengthy conversations on the best workouts for specific things like leg strength or muscle building.

Would probably talk to Heavy on the same topic like muscle gain and building.

Pyro

Explained their views on fire once by using rainbows and unicorns as a metaphor. In a ‘the oil spills like rainbows and we’re all cherubs to the flame of God’ way.

Told this to Scout who has zero literacy skills to identify these as metaphors. Took it literally. Told everyone else.

People in Red fear Pyro unfairly.

Deeply, personally affected Pyro to be feared with such vigour.

BPD coded Pyro 🥺 as a treat please BPD coded Pyro

Or at least seasonal depression Pyro (my source: projection the comics)

Not in a freaky way or anything but I imagine they’d smell quite nice. Like smokey ash and burnt wood. nice.

Doesn’t like to complicate their life. They know what they like, they avoid what they dislike. They will burn whatever causes discord in their peace!

NUMBER ONE HOLIDAYS CELEBRATOR!

If it’s your birthday best BELIEVE they will be the FIRST to wish you a happy birthday!

Thinks they’re friends with everyone. For the most part, gets along with everyone!

Not everyone gets along with them though… :( (at least at the beginning)

Closest with Engie through work. Close with Demo through chemicals that can be burnt to make fun colours!!

Close with Sniper and Scout because of their ages (and Demo)

Gets along least well with Spy and Medic (for fairly obvious reasons)

#tf2 headcanons #tf2 pyro #tf2 soldier #tf2 scout #tf2 #team fortress 2 #I might update this in future to be more concise

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 8 months ago

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sexual assault and rape tw

I'm 22 years old and I've been having some trouble with the discovery that I have a rape fetish. I've known since 2022 but I still feel intense shame about it and there's so many things about it that scare me. I've also been wondering if there's a way to just stop feeling anything sexual? that'd save me some trouble bc then I wouldn't have to think about this ever again

I'm a bi woman. I only figured out I'm bisexual last year and before that I thought I was a lesbian. but then I learned how to masturbate and I realized men were a part of my fantasies — I was in denial for a long time and even thinking about being with a guy would make me feel despair and cry for hours back then. I still feel bad about it nowadays but at least I'm not in denial anymore. I've never had trouble understanding that I like women and whenever I fantasize about women I don't feel negative emotions during or after masturbation (even if I end up fantasizing about rape). but when I fantasize about men I always feel upset afterwards and my fantasies with men are *always* about rape/sexual assault. I don't feel a lot of attraction to men's bodies, I just feel attracted to the idea of them sexually assaulting me or raping me, y'know? so even in my fantasies with guys I never think too much about their body. actually, I prefer it if the guy is super old and I don't feel any positive emotions about him

in hindsight my attraction to men is definitely tied to sexual trauma. since I was a child (and specially when I was a child) I've been sexually assaulted by boys and adult men. they'd touch my genitals and make me touch their genitals or hold me in place without letting me go. there was also the usual butt slapping. I even forgot about what happened with a specific old man for some time when I was 9. when I finally remembered what happened and told my parents about it they acted as if it were my fault and I had wanted it. but, like, no actual rape happened. so is this even enough for a rape fetish to develop?

and my experience with f/m couples during childhood was pretty bad – I remember thinking that women were like servants and needed to be submissive. I tried asking my mom about it when I was 10 but she just got angry at me and told the rest of my family I was asking about inappropriate things and accusing me of wanting to do inappropriate things

I think all of these experiences are the reason I started having rape fantasies (well, I suppose they were just sexual assault fantasies back then) with men as a child (I remember the first ones starting when I was 7 and they kept happening up until I was 10). I remember thinking that it was how it worked and how it's meant to be for women. I'd feel disgusted afterwards and eventually, in my early teen years, I stopped thinking about this altogether. I didn't know what any of it meant but it made me uncomfortable so I didn't think about it at all for years. but then I learned how to masturbate when I was 20 and I had to force myself to think about everything that happened bc I needed to understand why my brain works the way it does. it seems pretty obvious in hindsight but it took me a long time to understand what all of it meant

anyway. I keep thinking about maybe trying something with a guy to see how it turns out bc everytime I think about liking men my mind just goes back to assault/rape, but perhaps that's something I need to heal from? and does all of this mean I like to be assaulted? it feels so good when I'm fantasizing about it that I get scared about how I'd react if it happened irl. I keep wondering if I would I like it too and if this means I liked being sexually assaulted as a child? and sometimes I get excited when I think about *actually* putting myself in a dangerous situation with a guy I don't know. I'm scared (but also excited by the thought) that one day I will actually do it.

tbh I wish I could just like vanilla stuff. or just not feel sexual attraction at all

hi anon,

you've given me so much to work with here and I am DELIGHTED, so let's take this bit by bit, answering your questions/curiosities in order as much as possible.

generally no, there's not really a way to turn off sexual feelings. a lot of people find that they get supremely un-horny on antidepressants or other mood stabilizers, but that's a side effects that's hardly guaranteed. the most reliable option would probably be a lobotomy, but that's a bit drastic so let's not do that.

this is a bit beside the point, and I certainly can't tell you what to call yourself, but if you'd rather be a lesbian you can absolutely be that. there's a huge difference between liking the idea of a very specific type of sexual situation with a fictional man and actually being attracted to real men, and it really doesn't sound like actual living breathing real men hold any particular allure for you. I know this isn't the biggest issue her by a longshot, but I do just want to say you can absolutely call yourself a lesbian if calling yourself bisexual isn't sparking joy. the only truth is what feels best to you.

there's no such thing as "enough rape" for something to traumatize you; any amount of sexual assault is sexual assault (and your parents are shitheels for implying that you, a child, were somehow responsible for that, btw). and while there's no quantifying how much assault is enough to "count," it's worth pointing out that exactly none is required to "justify" a kink - there are people with rape fantasies who will never experience a single act of nonconsensual violence in their lives, and that's just as fine as people who eroticize sexual violence in response to their own trauma. being horny is a morally neutral act.

at a guess I would say no, this probably doesn't mean you like to be assaulted; very few people do. and no, it certainly doesn't mean you enjoyed being assaulted as a child. even if you did enjoy some aspects of whatever was done to you, that's a.) beyond your control; arousal isn't a process that needs your permission to occur. lots of people orgasm while being sexually assaulted, which certainly doesn't mean it wasn't assault and b.) that does not in any way mean that the person or people who hurt you are absolved from blame for abusing their power over a child.

listen: even people who do enjoy getting roughed up or hurt in some capacity generally have to do at least a bare bones negotiation and provide some level of consent to get there, meaning it is fundamentally different from someone jumping out of the bushes to assault you like a villain of the week on SVU. I really enjoy getting tattoos, but I'd be understandably horrified if someone tackled me on the street to start sticking needles in my body without permission. likewise, a great deal of BDSM enthusiasts would be extremely unhappy to be flogged or whipped without warning by someone they didn't agree to do that with. context is everything, and the ability to control your scenario really, really matters. (I just said a little bit more about that here.)

if you do want to explore consensual nonconsent IRL, please emphasize the consensual part - find a sexual partner who understands how to negotiate a scene and with whom you can negotiate boundaries and opt-outs ahead of time, rather than a stranger you genuinely don't feel safe with.

#sex edventures 2024

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markhoffmans-certified-slut · 1 year ago

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hii, i was wondering if you could make a art x reader? i would prefer headcanons but anything is fine!! no rush btw <3

Art the Clown x f!reader

Word count: 1.5K

Notes: Okay, so I technically will be doing a “What it’s like to date Art the Clown” chapter, but this will sort of be in a similar format, if that makes sense. I hope that you enjoy this!! Sorry for the super long wait, I was digging through my asks and saw this one for the first time and I was like “I should do this” 😂

Also, there wasn’t any specification on if you wanted anything smutty as well, so I just kept this one fluffy!

<>~<>~<>

You met super unconventionally. It was dark out, you were walking home late, and you were wearing a sparkly dress and pretty heels. You were perfect bait for the clown. He assumed that you were leaving a club, a party, etc., but what he hadn’t expected was for you to be so aware of your surroundings. You had heard him, then you saw him, then you fucking bolted.

Art was so surprised to see the way you ran in the heels that he almost forgot to chase you.

Almost.

By time he had caught you, he thought you’d give up. Instead, he got whammed in the head by a loose brick you saw on the ground. His vision went blurry, but he watched you take the heels off quickly before running again. This time you seemed faster than before. For once, he gave up and looked at the sky through blurred vision and let you go.

A day went by, then a week, then a month, before he saw you again. A similar circumstance, but this time you were a bit more disorientated. You wore flats, had a wristlet-purse on, and jeans this time. You were grasping the wall for support, but you were alone. He watched you for a minute, slowly following behind the bushes across the street, remembering before when you had gotten away.

Did he hold a grudge? Sort of, but he wanted you. To kill? He was unsure. This was the very first time Art had ever seen a pretty girl walking alone and not immediately gotten the urge to stab until she was dead. He waited a minute, trying to decide what to do with his strange emotions, when he realized that the two of you were at the same spot where you had hit him over the head. Truth be told, the rest of that night was slightly blurry for him, and not just because his vision went wonky.

He was angry, but there was more inside of him than that. Curiosity, a dreaded sense of interest. Nobody had ever gotten away like you had. He wanted to know more about you. he needed to know more about you.

You were much more coherent the night before. Tonight you were wobbling on your feet. Part of you thought about going back, but you were already more than halfway home. By time you made it to the spot that you had hit that clown over the head, you were too far gone to turn back. Through your still drunken state, you continued to head in the direction of your apartment, holding onto the wall for support.

That’s when you heard a second set of footsteps right behind you splash in the water. By time you turned around, it was too late.

He held you in captivity with him for awhile. Occasionally bringing you back an eyeball or a dead mouse as a gift. Sort of like a cat. You would groan in disgust and scoot back against the wall while he sat cross-legged across from you and sent you a deranged smile while he waited for you to take his gift. When you eventually didn’t, Art would move on.

Slowly, you started to warm up to the strange clown. Never once did he hurt you. Only did he stand or sit there and watch you. It was creepy, sure, but you had a lot to be thankful for. Eventually Art let you out of the chains and showed you around his little workshop-makeshift sleeping area. Did he ever actually sleep? You weren’t sure.

Time went by fast with Art. Sooner than you thought, you started to actually like the clown. What came after that, you were certain your younger self would have been afraid of and disgusted by.

Months went by. Eventually you were free to wander the barred up building while he was out. Of course the door was locked from the outside, but truth be told, you were fine staying around here. He started to bring you actual food instead of just scraps he probably found in the dumpster.

And then, one day, he just left the door unlocked. A test, maybe? You were almost disgusted with yourself, but when the door creaked open when you tried it (mostly out of old habit), you hesitated. Then, you shut the door and went back to the bed you slept on and went to sleep. When Art came back, you could tell he was surprised.

After that, the rest was history.

The little gifts Art brought you back started to be less weird. Instead of body parts, dead mice, or metal scraps, he brought you back real food, a bracelet off a victim (shockingly without the arm attached), even a few books to pass the time.

One day, instead of a wave goodbye, you kissed him on the cheek. You swore you might have seen a hint of embarrassment in his eyes before he turned to leave.

Years went by quickly. One day Art returned you to your normal life, however he was quick to sneak into your apartment in the middle of the night and start resting with you. However, he trusted you. He allowed you to go back to work, to resume your life as it was before he kidnapped you. To see your friends again and go to bars, but this time the clown wouldn’t be the one stalking you to hurt you. He would follow you almost everywhere you went, watching, waiting for someone to try and hurt you so he could maim them.

The longer you were with him, the better his gifts continued to get, until one day he brought you back a shiny diamond ring and told you that you could start wearing it (this wasn’t a request).

Art understands that everybody can’t know who you belong to, but he wants to make sure everybody knows that you belong to someone.

He doesn’t care how hard this is to explain to your friends. If he sees you without the ring, he finds it and he puts it back on you.

There’s no reason to fight with him about anything. Art always gets his way in the end.

Surprisingly, Art really likes dogs and insists on you getting a puppy, even if you’re the one that will have to do all of the training. Art really wants a dog and he shows you which kind to get. However, if you bring home a different type of dog, he would accept that as well.

Sometimes when Art is sitting beside you, dressed in normal clothes without his clown makeup on, and he has his arm around you and the other resting on the dog, you feel almost normal.

You never end up actually getting married. The ring is symbolism enough to the both of you.

When he’s with you, Art slows down on the killing. Mostly because in order to cause midnight chaos, he has to be away from you. And sometimes all he really wants is to hold you while you’re sleeping.

He’s not entirely sure how you got to him the way you did, but he can’t say he complains. In a way, you hope that maybe Art will one day stop it all together. That he might end up being a normal husband-like-boyfriend-demon-being-thing.

At the end of the day, Art would choose you over murdering and you would choose him even if he continued with his old ways.

He loves horror movies and he will always make you watch them with him. If you ever get scared, he’ll make fun of you a little bit, but he will also keep you close and kiss your head. Art likes to watch bloody, gory horror movies, but his favorite is Nightmare on Elm Street.

He’s seen it over 75 times.

He falls asleep during regular movies.

Art is sort of like a guard dog. Every time that something goes bump in the night, even if he’s snoring louder than the devil, he bolts upright and insists on taking a look around. The dog usually goes with him. Because of this, new environments are harder for him to get used to.

He is like a bottomless pit. Art eats a lot of food.

Art is terrible at any form of game. He gets annoyed and swats his hand at the air and starts pouting when it gets too hard. Video game, board game, verbal game— it doesn’t matter. He sucks at all of them and 9 times out of 10 will refuse to play.

He teaches you sign language because he can’t/doesn’t speak. You think it’s funny how he overdoes everything he does when he mime’s it since he can’t talk.

He loves it when you play along with his miming. Sometimes he pretends that he’s stuck in a box and he likes it when you pretend like you can’t get to him.

Overall, Art is a shockingly supportive partner. When you’re having a bad day, he’ll ask if he needs to kill someone. He’s a great listener as well. He’ll sit there and hold you and rub your arm while you explain everything that happened. He’s more than willing to sit there for the whole night with you if it would truly help.

You’re stuck with him for the rest of your life. You can’t ever leave Art. He won’t let you.

#art the clown #terrifier #terrifier 2 #terrifier art the clown #art the clown x female reader #art the clown x female reader fluff #art the clown x reader #art the clown x reader fluff

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zelphin124 · 1 year ago

Text

Cross x Y/N Short Story

In all honesty this was very spontaneous... And I just got home so I can get back to writing everything else!

(I do not claim the art as my own)

*cough* @tehrogueva @kuuuuro @pandimoostuff

Cross belongs to @jakei95

TW: Suggestive

Enjoy!

~o0o~

OuterTale. The place where the stars shined brighter than the lights in the city. The place where comets and galaxies shimmered with color. An empty space where people came to contemplate life and make big decisions.

OuterTale was an AU that could never be forgotten. OuterTale was where the darkest secrets unfolded.

You were told to meet one of your closest friends here, Cross. He seemed so nervous when asking you, which was unusual for his behavior. Sitting down on a cliff edge, you start to recall the conversation a week before.

You were at a Grillbys in some AU that you forgot. Cross was sitting across from you and you guys had a lovely conversation. There was lots of laughter and wheezing, to the point most of the people around you looked genuinely concerned for your guys' well being. You ended blaming it on whatever drink you had that night.

"Y/N," Cross calmed down before changing his tone. "Uhm... Would you be able to meet me at OuterTale this time next week?" He scratched his head nervously as he stared you down. His eyes were shaking, but he remained firm in his ask.

How strange, what caused the sudden change in his demeanour? You hope you didn't say anything wrong, though Cross didn't seem upset.

You asked him where specifically, as you didn't care for going into the villages of other AUs. It was hard enough to blend into other universes, let alone OuterTale.

"The cliffs near the floating islands," Cross answered, twirling the glass in his hand. "I uh... Wanted to try out that camera Paps got me. Would you wear something nice for them?"

You blushed, and quite noticably. The face Cross made when he mentioned you wearing something nice was so adorable, as if he stared in admiration. Come to think of it, he always did that. The last time you wore something nice, he couldn't take his eyes off you.

It was one of the reasons why you loved him. Oftentimes you were called a simp amongst your peers due to your crush toward him. You loved anything and everything Cross did for you. Whether or not that was bringing you flowers, getting you food after a hard day at work, or just hugging you until you stopped crying... Everything about him captivated you. His style, his personality, his smile, his laugh... Oh gosh his laugh. If only you could somehow keep it on repeat, you would. It was music to your ears and made all the butterflies in your stomach fluster.

Your friends often said you craved him. They weren't wrong. You longed to be in his presence, for his eyes to meet yours, to hear his voice speak to you, for him to touch you-

"Y/N?" Cross leaned over the table and snapped his fingers in front of both of your eyes. When you came back to reality, he smiled softly. "You able to come?"

You told him you wouldn't miss it for the world, after apologizing for zoning out.

"Tch," he snickered, giving that smile that made your heart pound. "Alright, I'll walk you home and see you then."

You sighed happily as you remember the walk home and how it was full of dancing and signing. Cross taught you a few more steps to a dance you were learning with him before he said goodbye. Dancing was the only excuse you could find to be close to him other than hugging. You wondered if it was obvious to Cross that you liked him.

However, you couldn't figure out if the feelings were reciprocated. Cross didn't seem to have the same responses to things that you did. Although you were told many times by others that he was into you, you couldn't wrap your head around it. There's no way he could like you that way... Why would someone as great as he love a human like you?

This very reason has kept a tight seal on your lips. There were many times where you wished you told him, but the fear of ruining your friendship got in the way. What if he didn't reciprocate those feelings? Would all be lost? Surely it would be awkward. Though, you wouldn't know, as you any memory of your past relationships had faded when arriving in the multiverse.

"You came," a sigh of relief came from behind you.

You stood up and turned to face your best friend. He was... To put it simply, stunning. He wore a long black suit with a white X across his chest. He adjusted his tie with one hand and held your favorite flowers in the other. Your blush didn't help hide how grateful you were for his thoughtful gift. He was always good at remembering your favorites, rather than giving you whatever he could find. His eyes glowed softly, and he smiled wildly at you. "Wow." He breathed.

You had worn your favorite color dress that changed shades all the way to the bottom of your ankles. You thought it would be better to leaves the sleeves on your arms rather than your shoulders. Perhaps it would be better for photo taking as Cross had planned.

You thanked him for the flowers with a squeak before asking him where he would like you to stand.

"Oh we can worry about that later," he set the camera down on the rock as it flashed red. "For now, I wanted to practice our dance."

Your face was tomato red. Dancing with your crush in nice clothing under the starry cover of OuterTale? This was a dream come true. You nodded and adjusted your dress so it would flow smoothly.

Cross wasted no time as he came toward you and swooped your arms into his. Immediately, his feet began to pace. You figured out the rhythm as you danced along, following his lead. The song slowly started to play in your head as you moved along the cliff edge with him.

Cross's eyes were sinking into you. The more he looked at you, the more purple his face became. His grip around your waist became more snug... As if he was holding the most precious jewel in the world. His thumb traced your hand with the grace of a feather, and his eyes were drooped so perfectly.

You found it difficult to focus on the steps as your heart pounded from excitement. He was so close, so peaceful... So absolutely perfect. You knew you would treasure this moment forever, and nothing would ever compare to this.

Cross's pacing slowed, pulling you closer to him. You gasp as his hand that was holding yours traveled to your cheek and jawline. His breath became shaky, and it was hard to see his eyes against his purple blush. "Y/N... I... I love you..." His voice was barely above a whisper while his eyes were locked on your face.

What? He... Did he just say that? You would've called him on his bluff if you didn't see the hearts in his eyessockets.

"Everything about you drives me crazy for you... I adore you..." His face got closer with every breath, and his words got slower and slower. "You're so beautiful, and kind, and I..."

You were dreaming. You had to be. This was too good to be true. Cross loved you back?! Not only that, but he adored you?! Nah, you would wake up any moment now.

But that kiss proved you otherwise. There wasn't another word that escaped his mouth before he caught you up in a loving kiss, your body pressing up against his. It was long, gentle, and made both of your faces turn into bright colors.

He broke away after a few seconds, his breath shaky and his smile wide. When he saw you were panting, blushing, and gripping his chest, he kissed you again... And again... And again... Until you lost count of how many times he came back to your lips, begging for more.

Your feet were lifted off the ground many times. His hands tightened around your head and waist to press you closer to him. Your body shook with pure bliss. Your heart had stopped from utter shock and surprise, though, you knew it was still alive because of how flustered it was.

It ended too soon, as he sat you back down on the ground and rested his forehead against yours. "Sorry, I..." He sighed. "I got carried away... I didnt mean to-"

You told him to shush, letting him know that you enjoyed every moment of it. After you explained to him that you had liked him all this time, he was relieved and satisfied.

"I... Stars, you're beautiful... Everything about you... is amazing, and... I always want to be with you... Protect you... Love you..."

Cross continued to whisper all that he felt and all that he had to say as you two swayed under the stars. It was pure bliss, and you couldn't believe it was real. Though, Cross reassured you it was real through many kisses. He explained he had held back such affection for so long, he wanted to get it all out. You were too much of a blushing mess to give any affection back, though, he didn't seem to mind. Cross seemed perfectly happy with growing the blush on your own face. Since he had known you for so long, it was easy for him to find out what physical things you liked very quickly.

To this day you can't wrap your head around how lucky you were. Cross since then had provided, protected, and loved you like you never had, or as much as you could remember. You must have been the main character in a story, as it was the only explanation you could find to explain such a wonderful, disney-princess moment.

However, you decided that chance or not, you were the luckiest person in the whole multiverse, because you were in your lovers arms, and he loved you more than anyone else could.

#cross sans #yn #sans x reader #reader x sans #sans x yn #cross x yn #short story #ooooh boy #i might be a simp now #OH WELL HAHAHA

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sirfrogsworth · 1 year ago

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Froggie's (Almost) Very Productive Day

I try to fit as many out-and-about chores as possible into a single day so I only have one set of post-exertional malaise consequences instead of consequences after each day of doing a thing. So any time I decide to drive, I try to find several tasks to accomplish all at once.

My first stop was the Family Services Division in the hopes of getting some help with grocery bills. I am making ends meet, but it seems to be getting harder each month. And maybe I could have skipped my trip to Florida and saved that money, but if I don't do something drastic for my mental health, I fear this first holiday season without a parent could send me into the darkness.

I needed to do an interview to finish applying for SNAP. I wanted to do a phone interview, but the next appointment was in January. So I went to social services where they allow walk-in appointments. I waited in a tiny plastic chair for several hours until they called my name. She yelled out "Benjamin" because when most people see "Grelle" they aren't really sure how to say it. (Rhymes with belly.)

She started my interview and it was going swimmingly at first. But then she started asking questions about the house and my inheritance and my trust. I had no idea what to tell her. It feels like a mistake now, but I have had pretty much no involvement in that process. I have no idea how it works. And I started to panic because she was acting like I was committing fraud or something by not mentioning the trust. But the entire point of the trust was to protect my benefits. Nothing is mine. I own nothing. I have no access. But I had no idea how to explain that.

Maybe my lawyer can help me apply, but I did not want them investigating everything and screwing things up before we even have the estate through probate. We specifically hired a lawyer and went through this convoluted process to make sure everything was on the up and up. But she really made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And that made me panic, which probably made me look even more guilty of something. So I just canceled everything and left.

After a few hours in a crowded government office, I decided to head to a different crowded government office.

I know I didn't need it until 2025, but I decided to go ahead and get my Real ID thingie before my first flight. I was kind of hoping they'd retake my picture because my current driver's license is... well...

And I'm so glad they took my big terrible picture and made it into a smaller, more terrible picture.

People complain about the DMV, but the one near me runs like a machine. It was filled with people and I still only had a 10 minute wait time.

I'm starting to wonder if all of those 80s comedians who were all, "What's the deal with the DMV?" were exaggerating.

Good stuff, Jerry.

I head up to the counter and ask for a Real ID. She asks for two pieces of mail and my birth certificate.

And this disappointed me a little bit.

I did my research. I went to the Real ID website and used their interactive guide to figure out exactly which documents I would need. They gave me this entire checklist and I printed it out and went through all my records and mail trying to find everything.

I had to wait a week for my internet bill to come because it's the only thing I forgot to change to paperless. This took a lot of effort and I was ready to be validated for being so prepared.

And she asks for two pieces of mail.

Any mail.

So I was off to get new tires.

Driving around on 8 year old bald tires was giving me anxiety. I didn't have the money for new tires, but I remember the guy saying they had financing. Recently several of my past debts went past the statute of limitations, and so my credit score lifted itself out of the pits of "poor" and into the realm of "fair." So I decided to take a chance and apply for a Discount Tire credit card. It's a 6 month payment plan with no interest, so that didn't feel as predatory as all the credit card offers I get in the mail with 8000% interest.

We started going through the approval process and I was answering all of the questions and then I saw the name of the bank offering the credit. It was the same bank that tried to sue me and also the bank that can longer collect due to the statute. I was worried they put me on some sort of list and would deny me. But, to my surprise, they approved me instantly. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me almost exactly the amount needed for a new set of tires.

I'm hoping we'll be doing another auction of the house stuff soon, so I plan to pay off the card and then cancel it, but this was the only solution I could come up with to drive safely until then.

I was having a weird day where photos of crusty rich wide dudes followed me everywhere I went. Here is my good ol' boy governor at the entrance to social services.

And at the tire place, I noticed this fella...

Why does every rich CEO think they are a font of wisdom capable of creating compelling quotes?

Does he think no one has ever said "work hard" and "have fun"? And after he said this was he like...

"That's gold, put that in *every* store."

"Oh, and use that picture of me where it looks like a handsome gal just grabbed my undercarriage."

He probably thinks, "Well, no one has put these specific generic platitudes together into a single mega-platitude. I am a genius."

"Be honest, work hard, have fun, be grateful, pay it forward" sounds like he had a bunch of motivational posters on his wall and started reading them all at once.

Like, every line could have a picture of an eagle above it.

In any case, the guy at the tire store, Dakota, was really nice. He made the experience very low anxiety. And he really liked my Thor's Hammer keychain with built in fidget spinner.

He went around showing it to all his coworkers. "Look, it even spins!" And they were like, "Dude, where did you get that??" And I was like, "Amazon." Now I'm just imagining 10 dudes at a tire store all fidgeting their hammers.

As nice as he was, Dakota was still a salesman and had a job to do. He gave me two tire options and tried to upsell me. The cheapest tires had a "1" rating for winter. He said they get "super hard" in the cold... I tried not to giggle. But I explained I drive about twice a month and mostly to the grocery store. If it is a bad winter day, I'll just wait or get delivery. He understood and set me up with the cheaper tires.

He then checked out my car and noticed my tire pressure sensors were dying. I keep getting a warning light on my dash. Apparently they all have tiny batteries in them that die after 7 years. And you can't just replace the batteries so you have to install brand new sensors.

And this is where my social anxiety got me into trouble.

I don't actually need these sensors. They are usually inaccurate. I prefer to test my tires with an actual gauge. But I got so caught up in his sales pitch that I agreed to replace them... at $60 each. For that I could have gotten the fancier tires. I really don't care if an orange light shows up on my dash. And I looked up the price online and a pack of 4 is $30. Though that is without installation.

But still... I wasn't thinking and he was so nice that I was just like, "I want to please Dakota. Saying no might make Dakota sad." Dakota's job is selling me but that doesn't mean I have to buy anything. He would live if I had said "no thanks."

To make my blunder more blunderous, when they finished the tires he asked for my key fob. And it decided that was the time for the battery to die. And in order to reset the system for the new tire pressure sensors, you have to press two buttons on the fob for 7 seconds. Thankfully I had a spare fob at home, but if I want my fancy new $240 sensors to work, I have to return to Dakota and have him initialize them.

I really hope these are the Cadillac of sensors.

Or, like, the ones they use on Cadillacs?

They better be accurate, is what I'm saying.

I do feel safer with new tires. So I am glad I did that. And I gave them a good obligatory kick and felt the tread. They seem nice enough even if they get boners in the winter. It's crazy how bald my other tires were in comparison. Like, I can fit half my finger down into the tread on the new ones—which did not get them super hard.

The way I drive, I probably won't wear them down. They'll probably start to rot before I do.

Before I do, meaning before I wear them down.

Not before I rot.

I am not in a rotting competition with my tires.

I was then off to Sam's. I decided all of my hard work accomplishing 2 out of 3 goals deserved some sushi. So I grabbed some California Rolls and headed home. On my way out, a Hummer and a Porsche nearly collided in the parking lot. And they sort of got stuck facing each other. One of them needed to back up and they both signaled at each other like "You back up, I'm not backing up." And it was just this weird standoff between the two douchiest looking cars you could imagine.

I mean, you have to be a douche to drive a Hummer.

I still remember the mystery Hummer dialysis patient from when my dad was going 3 time per week. We could never figure out who owned the Hummer, but we knew it was not the underpaid nurses and techs. So it had to be one of the patients. And none of them seemed the type. We never solved that mystery.

That hummer started off a delightful safety yellow. (Elon would cry.)

They decided this wasn't extra enough... so they did this...

Katrina and I could never decide... are these cow spots or the world's least effective camoflauge?

There was another patient who drove this old beater...

And I loved seeing this car because we had the same one when I was a little kid. I'm afraid the aesthetics of the 1980s Caprice Classic did not stand the test of time, but it had great sentimental appeal for me.

But this maroon beast that squeaked and sputtered its way from here to there belonged to a very sweet older gentleman. Sometimes he and my dad would be dialysis buddies—sitting next to each other in the recliners. And the worst thing about dialysis was the boredom. All you have to do is watch broadcast TV with 4 channels.

All of the TVs require headphones. They give you your own set of super cheap headphones in the dialysis welcome bag. They were very uncomfortable so I ordered my dad better ones with cushioned ear cups.

His dialysis buddy noticed them and thought they looked nice. And then he revealed that his free headphones broke and he didn't know how to get new ones. He had been watching TV with no sound for weeks. So, I bought another pair with the soft ear cups and my dad gave them to his friend. And it just made me happy imagining the two of them watching The Price is Right in matching headphones.

I do have to make fun of this sweet old man a little bit. When I walked passed his car I noticed he implemented the world's most effective anti-theft device ever created.

That's right... The Club™.

If someone decides they have to have a 40 year old car with an engine that sounds like a dying hyena and a hubcap missing... they are out of luck.

But hey, you gotta protect what is important to you. And if I needed a getaway car and my choices were between his beater and the Cow Hummer, I'd take his ride for sure.

Well, I'd try... and then get arrested because The Club™ is undefeatable.

Do NOT look that up on YouTube. It's 100% true. (And the Lock Picking Lawyer doesn't count due to him being able to break into Fort Knox with a paperclip and then doing it again to make sure it isn't a fluke.)

The dialysis center is in the same complex as my local Tolerable Schnucks and I still see that maroon boat of a car every once in a while. I always smile whenever it is there because it lets me know he is hanging in there and hopefully still has sound for his TV.

Wow, I went off on a mega-tangent.

I didn't even finish talking about my day. Where was I? Oh, the douche standoff finally ended. The Porsche Douche capitulated and backed up. Probably due to the fact the Hummer Douche has 0 visibility behind him.

When I got home I started devouring my sushi. I finally heard back from my lawyer. He submitted the last of the evidence for my appeal. And I was finally able to confirm he got the records of my ECT treatments from 20 years ago. I worked so hard to get those. At first, they forgot to send all records before 2011. I had to call back and figure that out. They shipped them and they didn't arrive until a week before we had to file. Everything was so last minute and my anxiety has been... palpable. It felt like when I did my science fair project on Sunday night.

He's hoping to get a decision at the beginning of next year. He warned me that these appeals are usually rejected. And that the most effective method of approval was a hearing in front of an administrative law judge. But that could be delayed by up to a year. So I might need to figure out how to survive until 2025. As long as my brother does what he is legally required to do, I should be okay. But counting on that also gives me palpable anxiety.

And that was my day.

Every time I go out is always an adventure.

But remember...

BE NICE. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. PET CUTE DOGS. DREAM BIG. KEEP YOUR TIRES WARM... FOR REASONS. 5 LIFE LESSONS -Froggie, Mildly Famous Internet Person

#long post

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bonesandpoemsandflowers · 2 months ago

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rewatched most of True Detective season 1, episode 1 last night. minor thoughts, not in order, mostly for me to refer back to when I need it. memory of a memory and if I forgot it in like 20 hours, maybe it's not important anyway.

Marty really does go: me? oh normal regular dude. with a huge dick.

Marty, you've JUST met these guys. must they know about your dick.

Oh, Rust is so sad and wet. You know he's sad and wet. You remember that he's sad and wet. And then he's on screen and he's so much wetter and sadder than you remember.

Rust is not even waiting for a red light to pound his fuckin robitussin. my guy, you already specifically experience hallucinations. YOU ARE DRIVING. put down the DXM.

Rust is so funny, actually, in general. "Oh, I wouldn't bust anybody for hooking. OR DRUGS." [sends other girl away to buy drinks] SO. pills? you got pills? you got downers? pills?? <- first half is a quote and the rest is paraphrased but for real. man's here like. so. PILLS? yeah I'm workin. yeah there's a girl missing. medium breasts, natural. now about those pills--

Like, I remembered Rust as mostly functionally sober until the Crash episode, minus his Sophia grief drink binge, and that's just. That's so inaccurate of me. He's hot for it the instant we get him away from Marty.

Marty is actually initially pretty nice at the dinner, nice about Rust showing up while fucking trashed. He bitches Rust out for like a sentence and then reassesses. The cup of coffee, a little physical touching for anchoring, we'll try this again another time, etc.

And Rust is actually quite forthcoming here also--he outright apologizes.

Or, no. Rather:

It's Rust's being forthcoming that prompts Marty to turn nicer. Rust admitting that he doesn't drink because he's had trouble with it before. Explaining meeting a CI, being at the bar, "couldn't think of a good reason not to."

Which is a good example of how they work--they dance--they adjust to each other.

I always remember Rust as less communicative than he actually is. Because in large stretches, he isn't communicative even when he's talkative. But he's actually very forthright, when he chooses. Like, oddly forthright--no wonder Marty backs down immediately. How can you kick that sad wet man while he's down and apologizing to you?

thought for later--ways he is prideful vs the ways he is very much not.

I want to know more about the dead cats in universe, actually. are they black cats? are they being harvested for their bones. first inaccurate santeria mention here. I'm gonna count them all so I can bitch.

not devil traps, devil nets. i mean, nonsense either way. NOT SANTERIA. nor is Santeria incompatible with identifying as a good Christian--up until recently, any Santero you talked to would, in fact, identify as a good Christian and they'd mean it.

Rust never says "alright" or "all right." Rust strictly says aight. Those Ls are getting dropped, baby. I'm usually pretty good about this--was I paying too much attention to the captions? Either way. Not sure I'll go back and fix it, fic wise, but it's something to consider for future dialogue.

UNSURE if they drop their gs as often as I think they do. It took me ten years to learn to understand Southern and if I watch this show for too long, I forget that these dudes even have accents. It's like how if you put me in the panhandle for a week I start droppin' my gs and I can't even hear myself doing it. Not that I consistently pronounce my gs in any case, but usually I know if I'm doing it because it's one of those code switch-y things. can you take elocution lessons as an adult. askin for a friend.

People tend to discuss how Rust is playing Gilbough and Papania, but Marty is ABSOLUTELY performing a bit the whole time so far.

Speaking of Gilbough and Papania: Papania wants Rust to be the killer sooo bad. He's ready to fight Rust in the parking lot as is, no further questions asked.

Gilbough has such a nice smile, actually.

Rust's ties are so shittily tied. I know this is on purpose, it is a Look for the audience, it is a Characterization Choice, the way this man is undone, ramshackle except where he isn't, but I dated a lawyer for a long time so the loose tie is just. On one hand, it's a leash. Good. On the other hand, it's wrong and I know my fingers could fix it.

He does do it up nice for the press conference, however. He knows how. He just chooses not to.

Thinking about the dinner again. I like how lying comes so easily to Marty. He's clearly just so used to it.

do we actually ever find out who burned the fuckin field in the very first opening shot. is that addressed? ever?

#tl;dr that man is sadder and wetter than you can possibly imagine

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