#I finished this a few weeks ago but kept putting of posting bc I hadn’t finished the Chuzan wiki page

[the-real-couchrat]

How I imagine the aftermath at the midway “restaurant” after chapter 8 of The Comfort of Agony by @toothpastecanyon

The demons sitting at the counter are as follows:

Dragon= Ferraum

Goo tentacled woman= Nxlar (made by @gnomewithalaptop )

Candle= Canella

Bear= Ursa

The background demons are as follows:

blue-ish woman with lighting= Asopiel

Snake thing= inspired by this post

Red spiky thing with skull= Corvus

Plant= my OC

Slug= Dave

Organ Duck= Brian (the Organ Duck)

Smoke thing with mask= Chuzan the forgotten (no wiki page)

Dog?= Chewy (Gthrqwom)

Horned purple elephant thing= OC made to fill the empty space

Some notes below the cut:

Asopiel’s design here is quite a bit off, but I wasn’t really going for accuracy in the first place.

I couldn’t find an any art of Ursa, which is too bad because she sounds like SUCH A COOL DESIGN!! I hope I did her justice

The booth table is just chatting with each other, they don’t know about the Alcor story yet

Nxlar is talking trash

The poker table (all the demons Alcor is known to hang out with) is overhearing them

Oh yeah and the plant is flirting with Corvus

Notes on the actual art:

The plants in the background are based on Yggdrasil (in the bottomless pit)

I could probably polish it, but I like it already

I loved making this because literally nobody but Ferraum actually had hands

Pls ignore the slanted angles (if u didn’t notice, don’t try to look for them)

Don’t ask why the purple thing is just standing In The corner, I needed to fill up the space

Shading was a ton of fun

More versions:

No bar counter:

No shading:

[turntechgoddesshead]

Promise

Hey guys! Remember me? I was the rando that said i was gonna write Sally Face fanfic, wrote one headcanons post and yeeted off the internet for a couple days. Well, i’m back and I did indeed write a thing. This is the beginning of a series, if ya’ll like it that is. I don’t know if this will end up as Larry x Reader or Sal x Reader but hell, i guess we’ll see. Anyways, here ya go!

Also feel free to hit me up for Headcanons, they’re fun warm ups. 

Words: 1624

TW: Mention of animal death, Parents leaving, and Juvy.

Y/n Is a girl and uses she/her pronouns, has freckles and glasses. Sorry haha, i have a hard time not writing in those features bc this did indeed start off as a shameless self insert. Y/N also has two dads bc happy pride month. 

~~~~~~

A tiny cry echoed through the hallways of the labor ward, as a new life had blossomed just merely a few moments ago. Her fathers welcomed her into their lives with open arms and tears shedding from their eyes, as they drank in ever tiny inch of her brand-new body. She was absolutely perfect to them, and everything that they had worked so hard for. Her tiny hand gripped tightly onto the finger of the man who held her, her small green eyes cried tears of confusion as the second man beside her smiled and placed a gentle hand onto the top of her tiny head of H/C hair.

               “She’s so beautiful,” The first man spoke to the other, failing to contain his tears. The nurses watched in silent anticipation as the two finally introduced themselves to the newest member of their family. The woman who sat in the bed, smiled happily watching the two interact with the baby which she had carried inside her for nine months. She was finally meeting the family she forever deserved to be apart of, and the family which she had so graciously chosen to give her baby up to. After passing the baby girl off to the nurses, the two men embraced the woman into a teary hug, thanking her for all of her kindness.

               “Thank you so much, for our little Y/N Moore.”

               Days turned into weeks, which casually turned into months, leading to the sudden and unexpected change that occurs within the years of growing up. Five years into her young life, little Y/N and her fathers moved into their own little slice of heaven, room 402 of the Addison apartments in Nockfell.  They happily lived along with the other residents, making friends with the Johnson family which resided in the basement below. Larry Johnson was the only child of his parents, Lisa and Jim, who was just excited to have another child his age in the complex. The two children eventually became inseparable, always in one room or the other inevitably getting into whatever trouble children at the age of five or six get into. Y/N eventually grew into a worrisome little girl, always anxious over whether or not the duo would get away with their latest antics while Larry easily concocted them in that little brain of his. Three years Into the Moore’s and Johnsons friendship Young Y/N and Larry played outside excitedly with a handful of firecrackers which Mrs. Lisa had brought home. Y/N expressed to the young boy how anxious she was about playing with something which her fathers would inevitably be angry about, but eventually calmed down and began to play after her best friend convinced her it would be alright.

               “Larry, be sure to aim it away from the building!” She told him in between her high-pitched giggles. Snow outside fell from the sky and landed delicately into her hair, just to melt moments after.

               “I don’t think you can aim them He-" Before the boy could finish his sentence, the firecracker went off, flying towards the building and into an open window, before exploding into a flurry of pops and whistles. The sudden silence after the firecracker ceased lasted for only a moment as a sudden screech emitted from Mrs. Gibson, the old woman who resided within the apartment. All color drained from the freckled face of the little girl as she gazed up at the window in horror, listening to the screams of terror and anger that omitted from just a few floors above her.

               “L-Larry,” Larry had cut Y/N off before she could even form words. He gripped her wrist tightly, pulling her out of the sight of the window. Hurriedly he tugged her along to the side of the building so neither of them could be seen, glancing around the corner once for caution, before turning his attention to his friend. Y/N’s face had grown ghost-like as fat tears began to form in her eyes and roll down the center of her cheek.

               “Larry, did we hurt her?” She cried, putting her face into her hands. Her sobs turned into hiccups as she constantly attempted to wipe the water off her face. The pressure of her best friends hands gripping tightly onto her shoulders, suddenly pulled her out of her panicked state. She looked up at Larry who seemed as cool as possible, his eyes were sharp as he looked down at her with determination.

               “No Y/N, we didn’t,” He told her, nodding his head, “You were up in the treehouse by yourself, I asked you to play, and you were angry at me remember?”

               Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat as she realized the weight of the situation, “No, Larry, I can’t leave you by yourself!”

               Larry shook his head.

               “Go sit in the treehouse, and count to a thousand. Once you do, climb down, and go straight home. When your dad asks you what you did, you say you played in the treehouse by yourself,” He ordered her, as though he hadn’t been coming up with this plan on the spot.

               “It’s not going to work!” Y/N continued to sob.

               “Yes, it is! Tell them you were mad because I nocked your glasses off with a snowball! But you didn’t play with me today, promise me you’ll do what I say!” Larry shook her shoulders slightly in desperation, before the girl eventually nodded to him.

               “Good,” Larry sighed, releasing the grip he had on her shoulders. He watched as his best friend turned on her heal and began to run towards the tree house.

               Y/N didn’t hear from Larry for two weeks after that. Her parents kept her at arm’s reach for what felt like an eternity, as she constantly wondered what her friend was up to. Every day she would ask permission to make her way down to the basement to see her friend, and every day she was denied. Weeks turned into months, as her parents protective grip seemed to loosen ever so slightly, reluctantly allowing her to wander the complex on her own after a plethora of begging on the young girls part.  She sauntered through the hallway, her eyes glued to the stained hardwood floor as she walked mindlessly, wondering about her friend who she knew was just five floors below. It wasn’t until the little girl had bumped mindlessly into another person that she was snatched from her anxiety inducing thoughts.

               “Oh, I’m sorry,” She spoke meekly, fixing the round glasses that sat delicately on her nose. Upon looking up, Y/N immediately recognized the woman with long brunette hair and much more empty than usual eyes.

               “Mrs. Lisa!” Y/N replied, her emotions suddenly too much for her small body to handle, “Is Larry here?”

               Lisa looked down at little Y/N almost painfully, her eyes bore dark circles under them, and she held the mop in her hand tightly, “Larry is down in the basement right now Y/N,” She replied calmly.

               Sheepishly, Y/N let out a small, “Oh,” and stared down at her feet as she rocked back and forth anxiously.

               Lisa smiled just a little bit at the little girl and pulled a small card out of the back of her pocket, “Tell you what though, why don’t you just go visit him now?”

               Excitedly, Y/N snatched the card from Lisa’s hand and hugged her with all her strength, excited at the opportunity to see her best friend once again, “Thank you Mrs. Lisa! You’re the best!”

               In a hurry she quickly ran towards the elevator and stuck the keycard in, which allowed her access to the basement. It took her only a moment to get to the apartment that was underground, but when she did, she eagerly ran to the door. Not even bothering to nock, the little girl opened the door and ran straight for the room where she knew Larry was. She opened the door to his room, noticing him laying on his bed with his hands behind his head and bulky headphones covering his ears as his foot tapped ever so lightly.

               “Larry!” She cried excitedly, jumping on top of the poor unexpecting boy, “I’ve missed you so much!”

               Larry scrambled to take his headphones off and toss his Walkman to the side, “Y/N?! Where have you been?”

               “Where have you been?!” She replied to his question, crushing him in the largest hug all while attempting to hold back her cries.

               Larry grew silent, looking down at his hands before looking at Y/N in embarrassment, “The firecracker killed Mrs. Gibsons pet rabbit.”

               Y/N let out a gasp and covered her mouth.

               “And they sent me to Juvie for a couple weeks.”

               “No!” Y/N cried, grabbing his hand in instinct.

               “Y/N I-“ Larry paused, looking at her before sighing, “I think it drove my dad away.”

               Y/N cocked her head in confusion and tightened the grip on Larry’s hand, “What do you mean?”

               “My dad left a couple days after they sent me away,” He confessed, his face burning red in shame. He looked away from his friend and steadied his breathing, as though trying to contain his own emotions, “I thought I drove you away too.”

               Y/N’s heart jumped to her throat as she defensively rose to her feet, “Larry, you couldn’t ever drive me away! Daddy and Papa have been acting so weird and protective, and now I guess I know why… but it wasn’t my choice I promise.”

               Tears fell down her face, but she quickly wiped them from her face and continued to talk, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, but from now on, we do everything together!”

               Larry smiled at her, pulling her into a hug.

               “You promise?”

               “Pinky.”

[ahkaahshi]

stay here [iwaizumi hajime x reader]

pairing: iwaizumi hajime x fem reader

genre: smut (18+) and fluff

warning(s): explicit sexual content, penetrative sex, a bit of dub-con (bc of the fact that alcohol was involved), alcohol consumption, swearing, brief mentions of toxic relationships

word count: 3.5k

overview: a post break-up night at the club with your best friend ends a bit differently than you’d expected

notes: a commission for the lovely @devlovesiwa-channn​! sorry this took so long bb but I hope the wait was worth it! thanks for supporting me ily ❤️

The heavy bass pulsating through the club shakes every bone in your body as you sit at the bar, head propped up by your hand and fingers tapping against the side of your face to the beat of the song playing. From where he is beside you, Iwaizumi watches you breathe out another, long sigh with furrowed eyebrows.

“Oi,” he barks, drawing your (e/c) gaze to his dark one illuminated by the bright lights flashing from the ceiling, “Quit thinking about that jerk, would ya?”

With a roll of the eyes, you retort, “You say that like it’s so easy, Hajime. I did just get my heart broken not even a week ago.”

“And you say that like I’m clueless. Don’t forget who’s spent the past—what is it now? Five?—nights over at your place, watching movies with you and making sure you get to bed at a decent time.” His words elicit an immediate feeling of guilt that wells up inside your gut and makes you avert your gaze to search for the bartender who should be finishing up your drinks any moment now.

What he’d said was entirely true, and you knew it. Ever since you’d gotten out of a relationship earlier that week, you’d been a bit of an emotional wreck. Mountains of snack wrappers and tissues had already been piled up in the trash bin placed in your room when Iwaizumi had first showed up at your apartment after hearing about the news. He’d sat with you every evening this week, huddled beneath the covers of your bed or a pile of blankets on the couch while you’d switched between directing words seething with venom towards your ex and struggling to speak through sobs. He’d made sure that you’d eaten your meals, gone to bed at a decent hour, and had done everything in his power to be the friend you’d needed.

So, to even mention that you’d just endured a heartbreak like he had no idea about the situation was nothing less than a slap in the face to him—and you knew it. However, the noticeable discomfort written on your face has Iwaizumi shaking his head as if trying to negate the harshness of his statement.

“Hey,” he tries again in as soft a voice he can use when he’s having to compete with the music blaring, “all I’m saying is that I’ve seen the hell you’ve been put through because of that asshole, so I want you to be able to take your mind off of it for a bit and enjoy this night out, okay?”

You can’t help but chuckle in a way that reflects how jaded you feel by your predicament but shoot him a small smile anyway as you respond, “No promises.”

“We’ll see about that,” he challenges, a smirk flashing across his lips when the bartender sets down two shot glasses on the metal bar top before you. As if in synchronization, the two of you reach for your drinks at the same time and clink them together in a toast. “Here’s to a good night.”

After downing your shot, squeezing your eyes shut and taking a sharp inhale at the burning sensation of the alcohol traveling down your throat, you state, “Gonna need a few more before we get started with that.” Iwaizumi nearly chokes when you raise your hand to summon the bartender for an instant refill so you can tilt your head back once more to knock another one down. “What?” you question upon noticing his wary gaze, “You said you wanted me to have fun, didn’t you?”

“I’m not hauling your ass out of here if you get wasted, (f/n).”

“Guess our definitions of fun are a bit different, then.” He clenches his jaw and grunts with indignation at your response, and you laugh heartily at his annoyance, reaching over to graze the sleeve of his floral button-up shirt with your fingers. “I’m kidding! I promise I’ll stay conscious.” Another, louder murmur of disagreement that echoes from behind his pursed lips has you rolling your eyes and placing both your hands on his muscular shoulders. “Learn how to take a joke, would ya?”

He huffs, “It’d be easier to if what you’d just said hadn’t actually happened before.”

Sighing, you move your grip from his shoulders to the hem of your skirt, holding it down as you hop off the barstool. “Well, if I have to choose between sitting here, recounting my unfortunate run-ins with alcohol or dancing to this mediocre song, I think I’m gonna head to the dance floor.” After attempting to give your friend money for the drinks that he refuses out of kindness, since your plans for the evening had been made by him to begin with, you offer, “You know where to find me,” before making your way through the throngs of clubbers to the dance floor at the other end of the venue.

Iwaizumi shakes his head as he watches your figure disappear in amongst the sea of people and turns his attention to the empty shot glass he’s taken to tracing his fingers along pensively. As much as he wants to ignore the thoughts that have a habit of returning each time he sees you fall out of love with someone else, he can’t seem to rid himself of them—of the idea that maybe, just maybe, things would be different if you were with him instead. All this time, he’d been sitting on the sidelines, forced to play spectator in the games that other men seemed to enjoy playing with your heart while knowing damn well he would treat you with the respect you deserved.

It makes him a bit angry for you, actually, the way others haven’t known what to do with your heart after you’ve given it to them. He knows better than most that you can’t help who you choose to fall in love with—since he’s felt a natural affinity towards you since the first moment he met you—yet he can’t help but hope, after each of your breakups, that you give him a chance with your heart instead. However, out of respect for you, since you haven’t given him any indications that you might return his feelings, he’s kept quiet and maintained your close friendship.

The nagging thoughts persist, and each time, he shoves them into the darkest corner of his mind so he can help you pick up the pieces of your heart after another man drops it.

But they return when he eventually ventures out to the dance floor to find you after you’d returned to the bar for another round of shots to fuel your agenda of forgetting about your ex and sauntered away once more. Navigating through the waves of gyrating bodies finally brings him within a few feet’s distance of where you stand, swaying along to the music without a care in the world. 

As he watches you with the same admiration he would give the only twinkling star in a dark, nighttime sky, he wonders how your former boyfriend could’ve ever thought to treat you the way he had—with such blatant disregard for your feelings. Anyone who tried to dim your light wasn’t the one for you, and now all he wants is for you to shine brighter than you had before. Whether or not you do so for him doesn’t matter in his eyes. He just wants to see your radiance and happiness return.

Just as he’s about to approach you so he can join in on the fun, the song changes into one he knows well—because it’s your favorite. He can’t count the number of times he’s listened to you belt out the lyrics while driving or caught glimpses of you performing bits of the choreographed routine you must’ve created whenever you hear it played in a public setting, but what he sees unfold before him this time is entirely different to anything he’s witnessed before. 

Even if he didn’t want to look, it’s impossible to ignore you when the thin veil of sweat over your skin makes you shine under the bright, multicolored lights in a dazzling display as you move to the beat. With the way your body’s undulating in cadence with the music, a seductive look on your face while your hands run from your torso down to your thighs, you’ve attracted more than a few hungry gazes. But his is the only one that you meet with your own, silently beckoning him over to you moments before you lift a finger to summon him in a request to join you. His feet carry him across the distance separating the two of you without a second thought.

There’s a gentle, somewhat amused smile on his face at seeing you finally letting loose, but it soon becomes much more serious when he feels your fingers clench around the fabric of his shirt. The space around you is hot and charged, and you’re barely able to tell one direction from the other with the way your head’s spinning in a pleasant buzz from the alcohol, but you know exactly what you’re doing. The heat of his body radiates onto your hands as you run them along his toned torso while singing along to the song’s lyrics, and you relish in the way his dark eyes are traveling along every inch of your skin.

When your hands reach his, you turn your back towards him and place his palms on both sides of your waist. Feeling his hold on you tighten and strong fingers pressing against your skin spurs you to grind your hips against him slowly in an attempt at testing the waters. He encourages your actions by pulling you closer to him and moving in synchronization with you. His acceptance and reciprocation of your invitation has heat pooling in your stomach and your heart fluttering in your chest.

The way your bodies as one, like they’ve been created to fit perfectly together in this moment has any restraint you would’ve normally shown evaporating completely. In your mind, you only want him. You’ve known that. You’ve known that for so long, yet you’d been out chasing down other men who’d inevitably become the sources of your heartaches. Now, you think it’s high time you finally go after who it is you’ve truly been yearning for in silence for far too long.

Once a change in the song brings an end to your fairly explicit dancing, you turn to face him again, (e/c) eyes drifting from his own down to his lips as your hands instinctively find his arms to steady yourself in amongst all the movement surrounding you. He seems to hesitate for a moment, since the two of you stand and stare at each other in silence despite the bass sending vibrations through your chests, but he eventually finds the courage to act on his desires. In an instant, his large hand is moving to cup your face and bring it closer to his so he can press a strong kiss against your lips.

A mixture of exhaustion and utter euphoria knocks the wind out of your lungs, sending soft pants tumbling out of your mouth when he finally breaks the kiss. “Hajime…” you utter, voice barely audible above the vocals bouncing off every surface of the club’s interior.

The distinct scent of alcohol taints the breath that fans across your face when he asks, “Yeah?”

“I want you. I want you so badly. Please.” The confession falls off your lips with such ease that you question why you haven’t been able to say it all this time.

A curse word escapes his mouth in a gentle whisper, and you can feel his hard-on against your body when he pulls you in for another heated kiss. “Wanna get out of here?” he wonders. Your enthusiastic nod forms a smile across his lips, and his arm is wrapping around your waist to safely guide you through the crowds so he can sort out a ride home.

What happens next all feels like a blur to you, since all you can think about the entire car ride back is having Iwaizumi’s hands all over your body the moment you get to your doorstep. It appears you’re not the only one who’s impatient, since he’s caging you against the wall in the entryway with his body moments after you’ve kicked off your shoes and locking lips with you once more. The combination of the booze and the pleasure is making your head spin, but you’re able to take his hand and pull him into the bedroom with you so your back can be against the mattress instead.

The strong, passionate nature of his sloppy, open-mouthed kisses serves as a telltale sign of how long he’s been waiting to experience such an intimate moment with you. All along, he’d thought he would want to take his time in this situation—trailing gentle kisses across every inch of your skin and making sure no part of you is left needing his tender but firm touch. However, in the heat of the moment, he’s quick to abandon any ideals of a slower pace, intent on ravishing you.

Your fingers fumble with the buttons on his shirt so you can push it off his broad shoulders as his hands work on yanking off your little clubbing outfit. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest with excitement at the new, uncharted territory you’re both delving into together. For the first time in the many years you’ve known one another, you’re seeing each other at your most vulnerable states.

A gentle moan sounds from your throat at the feeling of his fingers traveling between your legs so they can slide along the saturated fabric covering your slit. Wrapping your arms around his back and pulling him closer to you, you bring your hot bodies flush against one another so you can taste more of the alcohol lingering on his tongue. He swallows another whimper you release when his fingers shove your panties aside so they can toy with your sensitive clit. The sharp sensation of your fingernails pressing into his skin makes him grunt gently, but also sends a rush through him like a buzz of electricity.

“That feel good?” he murmurs, his deep voice prompting your walls to clamp around his thick fingers as he pushes them inside of you.

Hips bucking at his thumb stroking your pearl and legs already shaking from just how mesmerizing his touch is alone, you nod in response and breathe, “So good.” His lips return to yours for another kiss before forming a smile as they press against your jawline, neck, and collarbone, slowly making their way down towards your breasts. Feeling his tongue drag across one of your hardened nipples has you crying out softly as your hands fly to his head, fingers carding through his dark hair.

The delicacy with which he’s sucking on your pebbled bud sharply contrasts the fast, fervent motions of his fingers thrusting into your warm, wet core, edging closer and closer to your sweet spot each time.

“H-Hajime!” Your voice shudders when his name tumbles off your tongue. “Want you inside of me… please, baby.”

Hearing your voice become so needy and desperate as you beg has him groaning against your skin. “Wanna cum all over my cock, princess?” he suggests lowly, moving his head away from your breasts so he can look down at your eyes clouded with lust.

Your heart skips a beat at the name he calls you in jest being used in this situation instead, and you gaze up at him with a mixture of awe and affection burning in your chest until your mouth falls open again at his fingers kneading your sweet spot. You moan loudly in place of the words you’d meant to say, but continue once you take a breath, “Yes! Please, fill me up!”

The way you sound makes him want to do anything for you, and he withdraws his fingers from inside your core so he can unbuckle his belt and push his pants down. Your eyes widen at the sight of his large dick adorned with beads of precum, which he notices and acknowledges by rubbing soothing circles on your thighs while he rids you of your soaked underwear and spreads your legs further apart so he can slot his torso between them. “You can take me, baby; I know you can,” he reassures you in between gentle pecks to your lips.

You hum in agreement, your gaze focusing on his as he aligns his leaking cockhead with your entrance and pushes inside you slowly, stretching your walls in a way that sends currents of both pain and pleasure shooting through your body. He groans, “Oh, fuck; you feel so good,” while your pussy swallows him inch by inch until he’s fully sheathed inside your inviting warmth. He starts with a slower pace than expected given how quickly he was thrusting his fingers into you just moments earlier, rocking his hips against yours and nudging your cervix.

“Faster, Hajime, please,” you beg breathlessly, “I need you.”

A particularly hard thrust he can’t hold back at hearing your request has you mewling with both surprise and satisfaction. “I’m gonna fuck you so good,” he growls, heavy breaths falling onto your ear as he picks up his pace and intensity, filling your stomach with a familiar warmth, “Gonna be the best you’ve ever had.”

His strong hand gripping your hip, lifting you up slightly to meet the angle of his precise thrusts—despite the animalistic desire that’s overcome him—has your legs trembling where they’re wrapped around his waist. The sound of his skin smacking against yours is barely audible above your own moans mingling with his loud grunts. All you can feel is him. Every inch of his body, every ridge of each muscle beneath his hot skin, and every ragged sigh that fans over your neck. He’s all you want, and you can’t help but voice your desires over and over again in the form of his name.

“H-Hajime, I’m gonna cum!” you squeal when he starts drilling deeper inside of you, sending waves of pleasure flowing over your body with each thrust. Your toes are curling, your heart’s racing, every muscle in your body’s tensing as you dangle on the edge of your orgasm—so tantalizingly close to coming undone.

He seems to know what you need to reach the state of euphoria you’re craving, since he pulls out of you to flip you over onto your stomach. The room tilts around you ever so slightly at the sudden change in orientation, but your head drops to the comforter when he pulls your hips up towards his and slams into from behind instead. More feverish sounds of pleasure and begs of “Don’t stop!” leave your mouth unabashedly when the sensations overwhelming you slacken your jaw and create white spots in your vision.

“That’s it!” Iwaizumi hisses as your pussy spasms around him and you cry out his name in the heat of your orgasm, “Fuck, baby; you’re gonna make me cum.”

Your velvety walls clenching around his dick so affectionately and your hips thrashing against his as you ride out your high has him reaching his as well moments later, and he releases inside of you, filling you to the brim with warmth. His hands on your hips keep them in place while he finishes, and he remains inside of you a few seconds afterwards before pulling out and lying down on the bed beside you.

“Fuck…” you sigh as your chest rises and falls with deep breaths. The exasperated tone in your voice causes worry to bubble in Iwaizumi’s chest for a brief moment until you turn to regard him with a bright smile. “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Glad you feel that way too,” is his response delivered with a chuckle.

In the darkness only interrupted by pale shards of moonlight seeping in between the blinds, your hand finds his face so you can tilt it towards yours and press another, tender kiss against his lips. “I’m sorry,” you whisper even though your mouths are still connected.

“Why?” His fingers brush your hair away from your face on their way to rest at the nape of your neck.

“Because I should’ve been with you all this time and not those other losers.” There’s a short pause, bathing the room in silence save for the beating of your heart against your ribcage. “I love you, Hajime—and I have loved you—but I’ve just been running away because I’m scared of ruining things like I have with other guys.”

The warmth his lips spread over your body when they return to yours puts you at ease, as does his arm snaking around your waist to pull you closer to him.

“I love you too, (f/n),” he confesses, pecking the crown of your head, “So how about you stop running and stay here with me, hmm?”

Nestling your face against the crook of his neck and taking a deep breath, you sigh, “That’s all I want.”

masterlist ⭐︎ treat me to a coffee!

taglists (see pinned post on my blog for form)

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[fullmetalscullyy]

royai week day 4 - communiqué

summary: roy has an announcement to make to everyone

rated: g | words: 2084 | tags: royai, post-canon, romance, marriage, marriage announcement, marriage of convenience, kinda? bc they just have~ to do it but it works out for them, basically royai using royai to further their agenda

read on ao3 | read on ffnet

“Good afternoon,” Roy greeted with confidence into the microphone atop the podium in front of him. Hundreds of pairs of eyes stared back expectantly, and while that should have been unnerving, his excitement at the upcoming announcement kept the feeling at bay. This communiqué had been a long time coming, crafted from years of subtle diversion, and playing a tactical game. Now, it was coming to fruition. It was all still part of their game, but Roy had a personal stake in this part of it too. It was still a win for both parties involved.

A huge personal win.

Up there, on the podium, he was completely exposed. While that was dangerous for someone like him with such high political standing, Roy trusted the eyes that were watching his back implicitly. He does not turn complacent, but is more than confident in their abilities. He trusts each and every one of his subordinates to ensure the day goes well and without incident.

“Today’s announcement,” Roy continued, “will hopefully put to rest any fears you may have had regarding me assuming the role of your leader. Fuhrer Grumman has led this country exceptionally well over the last five years but feels ready to step down. As you all know, I have been named his successor and will make a promise to you all now, this country’s citizens, that I will do my utmost to ensure I do my best by you.”

There was a pleased applause after he finished, accompanied by a quiet murmur.

He meant every word, but that was not the reason Roy had taken the stage that day.

“I would also like you to know that I’ve heard the rumours surrounding me,” he smirked, letting his gaze sweep across the crowd before him. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed how this had piqued the interest of those in the audience with the various media outlets. Their ears perked up at the mention of rumours, understandably. “I am aware of the public’s opinion on a bachelor like myself being given the title of Fuhrer. However, I have come here today to offer my reassurances.”

Some people in the crowd turn to one another, momentarily confused by what he’s saying. Roy smirked to himself, thinking of his own private joke before he opened his mouth to finally reveal to the world something he has wanted to for over two decades.

“As you can imagine, this will be a busy transition period for us, so I hope you will extend your respect, as well as privacy, to both myself and my new fiancé as we navigate this new chapter in our lives. I can assure you though, an official date for my upcoming wedding will be announced soon.”

It was like the crowd had frozen. A few jaws went slack, and mouths parted in shock as they processed the news faster than others.

“More news will come in due time. Thank you.”

With a simple bow of his head, Roy stepped back from the microphone and turned to look at the stunned officials up there with him. Breda and Havoc approached, nonplussed by the news, and started to escort him off the stage.

There was a split second where the world was completely still, as everyone was still processing what he’d just announced. Then, everything felt like it exploded. The crowd erupted into applause and cheers. Cameras flashed in desperation to capture the moment that Roy Mustang, the most eligible bachelor in Amestris and a well-known womaniser in his younger years, announced he was engaged, and his wedding would be announced soon.

Roy can hear some of the questions being yelled by the reporters.

“Who are you due to marry?”

“What’s her name?”

“General Mustang! When did this happen?”

He ignored them all, for all would be revealed in due time. It was enough for now that it had been announced. Roy never planned on revealing anything else other than that today anyway. He would have loved to. He can’t wait for the day he can finally give the order to give the announcement, but he must hold off. The mystery will drum up interest in their favour. It will draw eyes to them and get people talking. No other Fuhrer had caused quite as much a stir as he had, and Roy wasn’t even officially in office yet. He was popular and well liked among the masses. Not as much as the Fullmetal Alchemist, the alchemist of the people, but Roy’s work over the years had built up a perfectly crafted reputation for him. It played well into his plans.

A womaniser who announces he’s settling down with someone who is a complete mystery. It was interesting news. Especially for the imminent ruler of the country.

The public ate it up, desperate to know. Out the corner of his eye he could already see heads bowed together in excitement as they gossiped about the news while Roy walked off the stage.

He was led by his security team into a private room within the building behind them. Havoc gave him a quick nod in response to his order, reaching for the door handle and pulling it closed behind him. Breda was down the hall, already speaking into microphone after microphone in order to soothe public relations about the surprise announcement. Poor guy, but he did volunteer. Having Breda assure them, but give nothing away, would only cause more intrigue. If Roy went out there and spoke to them all, they’d never let him leave.

His shoulder slumped now he was away from prying eyes. Not with fatigue, but just to relax. The initial phase had finally started, and his plans were set in motion. While he did have a personal stake in this and was more than happy to go along with it, it could certainly be draining. But then again, nothing had ever been simple between them.

The door opened as he was pouring himself a glass of water. He reached for a second glass and smirked, not turning around because he knew who it was who’d entered. His order to Havoc was to permit only one person entrance to the room.

“Did you really have to do it so dramatically?”

There was a grin on his face as he turned on the spot, coming face to face with his fiancé. Well, according to the country, she was still his fiancé. Nobody, except from them and his team, was aware that they were already married, and had been so for a while. While touring Aerugo last month they’d taken a clandestine trip to one of the islands off the coast to the south. It was just the two of them, the team, and his mother in attendance. Gracia had made the trip, and so had Edward and Alphonse, along with their respective families. Everyone who mattered most to Roy was there to witness them come together as a couple.

Marriage was not the be all and end all for him and Riza. They already knew where they stood with each other and what their relationship was. They had done so for years, and the ring that nestled comfortably on the end of his dog tags proved that. The legal document was just a formality at this point and given his current position as leader of the country, it would be necessary. So, they’d compromised. A private, personal ceremony for them to do things their way, exchanging the rings they’d already given each other years ago. The grand wedding that was yet to come was for the masses, not for them. Once the official ceremony happened, he would move the ring onto his ring finger where it had always belonged and where he’d always wanted to wear it.

Riza’s lifted one eyebrow expectantly, awaiting his answer.

“They expect a show,” he shrugged, “so I’m going to give it to them.”

“So, our official wedding is just a show,” she deadpanned.

His expression softened at her light teasing. “Our official wedding has already happened,” he reminded her. “In case you had forgotten, we are already legally married.”

“I hadn’t,” she placated as she approached him, “but you need to stop talking about it so openly. You were the one who suggested keeping it a secret, and the walls have ears,” she replied cryptically. Once close enough, she brushed a piece of invisible lint off his immaculate uniform and his shoulder tingled where she’d ran her hand over it.

“Let them listen,” he shrugged again. Roy lifted a hand to rest upon her hip as he grasped one of hers, lifting them both to rest between their bodies. He bent his head forward and kissed the backs of her knuckles, a small, fond smile playing on his lips. “It doesn’t matter now that our news is out.”

“Part of the news is out,” she reminded him. “You were quite adamant about only revealing some of the truth so early on,” Riza smirked. “It will be a busy transition period for us, after all,” she quoted back to him with mock sympathy.

His eyes rolled fondly.

“So,” she continued, extracting her hand from his and taking a step backward to put some distance between them. Roy felt like a petulant child, pouting at her actions. “We must keep up pretences and give ourselves the time and space we need to adapt to our new circumstances and navigate through it.”

“You’re no fun,” he complained, his tone nearly a playful whine.

“I know, dear,” she replied, sounding like she didn’t particularly care he felt that way. Roy was only joking though, of course.

“How did it look from up there?”

Riza’s perch had been on the roof of the building behind him, on the lookout for anyone who may wish harm upon him, along with her own elite security team.

She snorted lightly. “I will admit, it was entertaining to see the looks on their faces.”

“They were very surprised,” he chuckled, pleased with himself.

“It’s never a dull moment with you.”

“I would hope not because you’re stuck with me now, fiancé,” he grinned.

“Unfortunately,” she deadpanned quietly. When he scowled at her, she laughed loudly, her smile reaching her eyes.

For a moment, Roy is enraptured by her beauty. Her grin lit up his whole world and the sound of her laughter pulled at the stings of his heart pleasantly.

He is married to this woman, he thought to himself, and still couldn’t quite believe it.

After so long… After so many years of ignoring feelings and holding back – or trying to – now he didn’t have to.

Although it was his plan to delay the information given, he really wished it wasn’t. He wanted to go back out there and tell everyone how much he loved and cherished this woman before him.

All in due time. And the pay off when that day finally comes will be so worth it.

They’ve both waited for so long. Roy could stick it out for a few more days. What was more important was holding this woman close and loving her so freely like he has always wanted, and Roy planned to do just that.

Riza smirked and didn’t shrug him off as Roy wrapped his arms tightly around her frame. He pulled her close and kissed her, trying to convey just how much he loved her with one kiss alone. She hummed against his lips pleasantly as her arms lifted to loop around his neck. One hand slowly, tantalisingly, trailed up the back of his neck, making him shudder. She noticed and grinned against him. When her nails scratched lightly against his scalp and Roy groaned, Riza’s smile widened. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. She could play him like a fiddle, but Roy didn’t mind at all. There’s no way he was going to stop her ministrations when they felt so good.

“I love you,” he breathed. His chest heaved with his breath and the words almost got stuck in his throat, both from the emotions overwhelming him and their passionate kiss.

“Love you too, Roy.” When she pulled away to look at him, Roy didn’t let her move far. Their noses were almost touching but he could see her expression soften. She looked so happy and content. So in love. Which was exactly how he felt too.

They both couldn’t wait to start this new chapter in their lives together.

[rudypankwow]

climb through my window (pt. 2) | jj maybank

not my gif! (i think it was posted by ssjiara)

warnings: s l o w b u r n, briefly talks about violence and abuse (bc it’s jj and his dad’s a meanie)

word count: 2.7k

masterlist, pt 1, pt 3

a/n: i know the beginning is also a little slow, but pls stick with me bc after this it’s gonna be so good! jj comes in at the end, and from this point on he’ll be the main focus of every part. but i had to set up the story :) also big thanks to kay bc i complained about this nonstop for the last few days sorry kay ly

Yelling was something you had become well acquainted with in the last year and a half. It was your sister’s fault. She didn’t stick to the plan.

“She was always supposed to go to Yale and she’s still going to Yale!” your mom shouted, her hands practically slamming on the table. “That was always the deal,” she continued, ignoring your sigh and tense jaw, “you got Meg  and I got (y/n).”

You had moved on from the, “Isn’t it my decision?” argument long ago, instead choosing silence as your parents battled it out. When your sister, Meg, had decided to forgo college and instead spend some time traveling (she had secretly saved every penny she received from presents, allowances, paychecks, etc), your parents had moved on to you. Your mother had attended Yale and your dad Dartmouth, and the plan was always that Meg would go to Dartmouth and you’d go to Yale. It was a whole legacy student ordeal. It didn’t matter anyway, because your sister had ruined it. You were only a junior, and the school year was still a week away from starting, this was your reality for the time being.

“Well I think she’d like Dartmouth more, anyway,” your dad said. He didn’t even look up from his plate. “New Hampshire has way more to offer than Connecticut.”

Your mom on the other hand, was red in the face. Her arms were flailing, pointing her fork at you and your dad. “You’ve hardly even been to Connecticut, how in the hell would you know?”

“I just know it is, who goes to Connecticut for fun?” your dad continued. “New Hampshire has way more to-”

“You know what?” you cut them off. They both turn to look at you. Every time they get into these arguments, they wait for your input, for a final “I’m going here,” but it’s not coming today. Instead, you say, “I’m leaving.” You stand up from the table, pushing in your chair, making sure it angrily scrapes against the floor. “Feel free to keep arguing on my behalf, though.”

Your favorite spot in town was a 20 minute bike ride from your house. There was a little hill you could climb up, and when you reached the top it was a beautiful view of the ocean. You sometimes brought a book and read, and other times you just laid down and enjoyed the sun. Either way, that’s where you were going.

You decided to take a different way there this time, it was a little longer but it was so nice out you didn’t mind. As you turned the corner to ride past the police station, you saw the back of a blonde head that looked a lot like JJ walking out with another man. Your heart immediately dropped, too worried about why he was walking out of the police station to be disappointed in yourself for knowing him by the back of his head.

You were still some distance away when they got into the car. Despite no longer being able to see JJ, you kept your eyes on the movement in the car. As you started to get closer, you noticed the movement you could see get more violent, causing the car to shake. You finally become parallel with the car, staying on the opposite side of the road. You were nervous to stop, scared of what you might see, but you knew you had to.

JJ was pressed against the passenger door, his hands covering his face. The man in the car, which you could only assume was his dad, was hovering over him. You could probably hear his yelling if your ears weren’t ringing. You knew what was coming next, and you tried to will it not to happen, tried to focus all the energy into the universe to make what was going to happen not happen.

His hand collided with JJ’s face anyway. Over and over again. And you couldn't look away, couldn’t stop the tears that started to form, couldn’t believe the universe for being so unfair. The police station was right there, it would be so easy to run in and get help, but you were completely frozen in your spot. 

His dad settled back into his seat and you saw JJ touch his face, attempting to clean the cuts but only producing bloody hands. The car engine started, and quickly peeled away, leaving you stuck to the pavement. You stared as they turned at the end of the road and reached up to wipe the few tears that you didn’t realize had fallen.

Once your breathing finally evened out and your heart stopped pounding out of your chest, you pushed your feet off the ground and started pedaling your bike. You had forgotten where you were supposed to be going, instead just seeing where your feet took you.

You hadn’t planned on making your way to the Wreck, but before you knew it that’s what happened. You debated going in for a few minutes. You weren’t sure you wanted to explain what you just saw to Kie, though you were sure she knew. You could just not tell her, but your anxiety was without a doubt written on your face. You probably should tell her, or anyone for that matter. But on the other, was it yours to tell? 

You were still standing over your bike outside the restaurant when the front door opened. “(y/n)?” Kie’s dad called, garbage bag in hand. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Why are you just standing there? Come in!”

It snapped you out of your trance, and you nodded, stepping off the bike and walking it over to the rack. It was way less crowded than the last time you were there, especially for a Saturday. “Oh, hey, (y/n),” Kie says.

“Hey, Kie,” you said. You smile, trying to put on happy face for your friend.

“Are you hungry?” she asks. “I can make you something if you want.”

“No,” you say. You’re pretty sure any food you tried to eat right now would just come straight back up. “I was just passing by,” you continue. “Your dad invited me in and I didn’t want to upset him.”

“Oh,” she says. She stares at you for a second. “Are you okay?” You look down at the counter. “You look like you don’t feel well.”

“Yeah, I just uh-” you try to fake a laugh, “I just have a headache.”

She seems to buy it. “Well let me grab you some water and then you should head home and get some rest,” she says, raising her eyebrows at you. You give her a nod and she takes a few steps behind the counter. She hands you the bottle and takes a sip.

Before your common sense can stop you, you say, “Hey, I saw JJ mowing the Copelands’ lawn the other day and noticed he had some bruises. I don’t know if there’s any reason to worry but,” you pause, unsure of how to finish, “uh, I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to make sure he was okay?” You immediately wish you could suck the words back out of the air and take them back.

But Kie just shrugs, giving a little chuckle. “Honestly, (y/n), who knows? It’s JJ.” You smile and nod, looking back down at the counter. “Look,” she continues, “if it ever seems like he’s in trouble just let me know. But he’s usually got it figured it out.”

“Yeah,” you say quickly. “I’m honestly not even sure why I asked. Something about it just made me nervous, I guess.”

She smiles. “That’s sweet of you, really,” she pats your shoulder. “But I wouldn’t let it worry you too much, okay?”

You nod, suddenly desperate to get out of there. “I’m gonna go,” you say. “Thanks for the water.” It seems awkward, but you’re not sure what else to say.

“Let me know when you’re feeling better,” she calls as the door shuts behind you.

You lean against the side of the building once out of sight, once again trying to calm yourself down. You take a sip of the water and click on your phone to check the time. It had only been an hour since you left home, but it felt like it had been at least five. 

Unsure of what else to do, you get on your bike and start back home, stopping at the library on the way to pick up a book. Halfway through your ride, the sky seemed to open up, big drops of rain soaking you through to the bone.

When you were little, your mom used to say that it only rained when people wanted things to be washed away.

It only seemed fitting.

-------

JJ hadn’t come by to mow that Friday. It was Sunday now, and all you’d done was think about him and what you saw the day before.

School was starting in a week, and despite the fact that you almost liked school, the thought of being forced to see all the other kooks every day was enough to ruin the idea. And since junior year meant college planning, you knew tensions would be high.

Needless to say, you were dreading it.

But today, it was gorgeous outside. So, before your parents could even try to bother you, and before you spent another minute staring at the ceiling in your bedroom, you grabbed your headphones and your book and headed out to your back deck. You had made a deal with your parents long ago that any arguing had to stay in the house, so you knew you were safe outside.

No matter how hard you tried to focus on your book, your mind couldn’t stop wandering. After twenty minutes, you basically give up, dropping your book in your lap with a huff. You close your eyes and lean your head back against your chair, sighing. The sun is as burning you skin, but it’s lnice to feel something other than anxious.

Your heart just about skips a beat when you hear a lawn mower start. Your eyes open immediately and you swallow hard. Sitting up slightly, you turn your head to look at the house next door.

And, of course, there he is, two days late, mowing the lawn. Part of you hoped that you’d be able to avoid seeing him for the rest of the week after what you saw yesterday.

You’re trying your hardest to not stare, you don’t want him to catch you again, but you need to see his face. He’s actually wearing a shirt this time, which is a bad sign. You can’t remember the last time he wore a shirt while mowing in the summertime. You can’t quite see his face yet, so you turn around and pretend to read your book, waiting for the sound of the mower to get closer. When it does, you try to peek over. He’s still a bit too far away, but you think you can see a dark spot on the side of his temple. It makes your stomach turn.

You did have one thought in the back of your mind, but it was borderline crazy, nevermind how it would make you look. You had been mulling it over for the past few days, but always dismissed it immediately. Seeing him here, however, a dark bruise on his face and likely countless others across his chest, made that horrible idea seem not so horrible.

Your feet were moving before you knew it, before you could stop them.. You always felt like there was a magnet drawing you into him, but up until now you’d tried your hardest to act against it. 

“JJ!” you called. Your palms were starting to sweat. In all honesty, you had no idea what you were doing, but for some reason you were still doing it.

He turns around, shutting off the lawn mower when he sees you standing there. “Oh, hi,” he says, thinking for a minute. “(y/n), right? You’re friends with Kie?” You nod. He thinks for another minute and smiles. “You’re that girl I always catch staring at me?” The smirk on his face tells you everything you needed to know. You knew he had noticed a few times, but had no clue he’d picked up on a pattern.

Your eyes go wide and you shake your head. “Uh, no,” you try to be casual, “I don’t think I know what you’re talking about.” He could probably hear your pulse from where he was standing.

“No,” he continues, nodding, “you almost crashed your car into your garage the other day because you were staring at me.” His hands are crossed against his chest and he’s smiling wildly.

“No,” you say say again. “No, I was just,” you can’t come up with anything good, “looking at the Copeland’s dog. It had gotten out,” you finish, knowing the Copeland’s have never had a dog, not for as long as you’d lived next to them.

He clearly knew this too, because he answers, “The Copeland’s doing have a dog, (y/n).”

“Okay, well, that’s beside the point,” you say, shaking your head again and waving your hands. His eyes are wide when you look back up at him, and you sigh, seriously regretting whatever it was you were doing. “Look,” you continue, “I came over here because I wanted to tell you,” you pause, your hands are shaking. You take a deep breath. “I saw you. The other day. Outside the police station. With your dad.” You can’t say the whole thing at once, cause you think the weight of the words might poison all the air around you. “At least I thought it was your dad, anyway,” you say, looking down at your feet.

“Look,” he says, taking a step forward, “please don’t-”

“Wait,” you interrupt, because you think if you don’t finish you might never get out the words, “just let me finish, please?” You look at him and he nods. You exhale, still not believing the words you were about to say. “If you ever need somewhere to crash, for whatever reason, my window is the last one to the left on the back side of the house. It’s easy to climb in. I’ve done it a few times before.” He looks completely thrown off. “I just know how Kie’s dad is, and I know how Mr. Heyward can sometimes be a pain, and after what happened to John B-” you falter. “I just figured you might need somewhere to stay from time to time,” you explain. “I have a couch in my room and I promise not to ask questions.”

There’s a pause. He finally says, “Okay,” and when you look up at him he’s got that same smirk he did before.

“Don’t give me that look,” you say, pointing a finger at him. “You will be sleeping on the couch, believe that.”

His smirk doesn’t dissipate as he nods. “Sure,” he says.

You roll your eyes. “Oh, my god, I’m leaving now.” You turn and start walking away, resting your hand on your chest, trying to calm your heart rate.

“Hey, (y/n)?” he calls after you. Reluctantly, you turn back. He’s got a different look now, less cocky. “You were close with Sarah, right?” He rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” you say, “we used to be best friends when we were little.” You hadn’t been that close with her in a long time, but you don’t tell him that.

“Do you think they’re,” he drops his hands by his side, sighing, “you know-”

“Dead?” you ask.

He rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, but I was trying not to say the word.”

You smile a little, brushing some hair out of your face. “No, I don’t,” you say simply.

He nods, looking down at the ground, and gives you a smile. “Last window to the left, right?” he asks. “On the back side of the house?”

You try to stop the smile that’s threatening to engulf your face. “Yeah.”

You turn around, walking back to your deck. You hear the lawn mower start. Your feet feel like they’re no longer touching the ground. You have no idea if he’ll come, and you wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, but you feel better knowing you’ve offered, that he has the option.

And the thought of getting to see his face more sure doesn’t hurt.

taglist!! please inbox me to be on the tag list!!!! if it’s not an inbox it won’t go on the list!

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[wienerbarnes]

Necessary Evil

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,816

Warnings: nothing crazy, typical canon violence type stuff, special character appearance👀

A/N: so sorry for not posting this like two days ago when i said i was going to🥴 ive had a ton going on and ive been a busy bee but hopefully ill get myself organized for next week :) question for yall! should i keep the friday posting schedule or do thursdays instead bc of fatws on fridays? lmk!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

It’s been a confusing couple of weeks. You’ve been placed on a temporary leave while you finish your recovery after the last mission.

You’ve been trying to learn as much about your new powers as you can, not really understanding what they are or how they work considering that most of the time they’ve shown themselves it’s been accidental.

Making Bucky drop food, slamming doors shut, sending stuff flying across the room. At this point you’ll tape your hands at your sides if it means you’ll stop making such a mess everywhere.

Everything has been put on halt. You don’t cook, in fear of starting a fire or making a mess in your kitchen, you don’t spar with anyone or workout unless it’s in a closed off and sealed training room used for when the Hulk was at the tower, in fear of hurting people around you, and unfortunately, you haven’t let Bucky be around you much in fear of hurting him.

He tells you that you’re not going to hurt him and that even if you did he wouldn’t take it personally, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. The two of you got into a heated argument a few days ago when he offered to let you use him as a practice dummy for your new powers.

“How dare you suggest something like that to me?!”

“Well, I just meant that -”

“Meant what? How would you feel if I asked you to slap me around like a ragdoll with your metal arm? Make you go Winter Soldier on me?”

“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“Isn’t it though?”

It wasn’t pretty.

It also didn’t help that Bucky was sent on a solo mission recently. He couldn’t tell you much about it, and you didn’t push it, knowing the two of you were still a bit rocky with each other, and knowing that it would only put more stress on you constantly thinking about his mission.

Boy, did you miss him though. You’re glad you put aside your pride to hug and kiss him goodbye, taking in his warmth, his love, his smell, savoring his arms around you and his lips on yours before he left. With the way he held and kissed you, you think he felt the same.

That was two days ago. Alpine has been the one to keep you the most company. She’s gotten big, and it’s a lot more fun to play around with her now. You trail a feather attached to the end of a string around the ground while she tries to pounce after it. A knock at the door doesn’t even pull her attention away from the toy as you let her win and catch it, standing up from your sitting position on the floor.

You open it to reveal Sam in more casual clothes than his regular tactical pants and shirt, and you return the smile he gives you.

“You busy?” He asks.

You look over your shoulder to see Alpine still pawing at the feather on the ground.

“No, I’m not busy, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hang out, we both got the day off, figured I’d show you the best danishes in New York.”

You’re not sure if Bucky put him up to this or if this is a way to keep you from going batshit being stuck in your room not being able to do anything, but you accept the offer anyway. It’ll be nice to get some air.

“Do you, uhm,” You begin, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“What’s up?” Sam asks, the guy from the VA coming out, encouraging you to tell him.

“Do you know if Bucky’s okay? I haven’t heard from him, is all.” You ask, slipping on some shoes and heading back out into the hallway with Sam.

“I mean, I’m sure he’s fine, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Just that I know these solo missions can be anywhere and he could be doing anything, but I still worry. I didn’t know if you knew where he was or anything.”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t know, because Bucky told him Steve asked him for a few favors and he needed some off time for a couple of days. He thought Bucky was in rural New York. There’s no mission. But he supposes he’s not supposed to tell you that.

“Yeah, I don’t know much about it. Fury’s probably the one behind it.” Fury’s in Florida for his niece’s sixth birthday. He doesn’t tell you that either.

Luckily you accept it and enter the elevator to leave the private floor and go to the common area, able to leave out the backway of the tower.

“Avenger in the building, Captain.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Avenger? Who’s even around anymore?

“Uh, huh? Bucky?”

“No, Captain.”

“Clint?”

“No.”

“Who’s here?”

“Underoos.”

Underoos? Where has he heard that? Isn’t that -

The elevator doors open to the common room, a teenage boy stands with his back towards the two of you. His head whips around in typical teenage fashion and your eyebrows shoot up, unaware that the Avengers recruited teenagers.

“Is that a fucking kid?”

“Peter?” Sam asks, clearly surprised at the boy being in front of him. He hasn’t seen him in years. He wasn’t even sure where he was all this time, assuming he was in school, with his Aunt, but now he’s here.

“Sam! And his lady... friend. How are you?!”

“The lady friend has a name.” You chirp.

“What are you doing here?”

You and Sam speak at the same time. Peter addresses you first, “And your name is…?”

“Uh, Agent 51.” You didn’t think that through.

“Weird name, but alright.”

“Peter.” Sam brings his attention back to his question.

“Who is this guy?” You ask, clearly lost on who this person is and how he’s an Avenger.

“This is Spider-Man.” Sam tells you nonchalantly.

“Uh- Sam?!” Peter exclaims.

“What, she works with us, now. She doesn’t have anyone to tell anyway.”

“Sam?!” You elbow him.

“Why are you here, Peter.” Sam asks again.

“Well, you know, I was in school, doing some stuff here and there for Hill and Fury, and I figured I’d stop by.” He smiles.

You and Sam stare in silent confusion.

“Okay, look. I feel… lost. Like I feel like I’ve come to terms with Tony dying and stuff, but, I don’t know...” Peter finally cuts to the point.

You know very little about Spider-Man. You definitely didn’t know he was a kid, but you also didn’t know that he had some sort of a close relationship with Tony Stark. You’re becoming more and more like Bucky everyday; not knowing who any of these people are, not remembering seemingly important events, hell, not even knowing have these things happened because you were under Hydra.

“Peter, we don’t -”

“I’m not asking for help. More so asking if you have anything for me to do, or something.” His smile falls. You’re definitely confused, but you feel for the guy. You remember feeling lost as a teenager, losing the people you looked up to. And that lost feeling landed you in the Marines and the Marines landed you with a terrorist organization. We should help him, you immediately think.

“I’m sorry, man.” Sam offers. He wants to help Peter, as annoying as he finds him. Being a teenager is hard, and being Spider-Man is harder. But, Sam can’t forget that he’s still a kid in school with only his aunt and a few friends around him. He doesn’t want to put a person like that in the immense danger they throw themselves into, even if he knows he can handle it.

“No worries, I’ll be on my way, then.” Peter nervously scratches at his eyebrow.

“Sure you don’t want to stick around here for a bit? I know the Avengers aren’t much of a thing anymore, but, you always got a room here; a place to stay.” Sam tells him, assuming Peter’s on the verge of having a sort of coming-of-age moment.

“No, no, I need to be with May. I’ll see if I can, uh, maybe stop by more often. Maybe. If that’s alright. Nice to meet you, uh, Miss 51!” He bids farewell before walking away awkwardly, leaving Sam with a sort of sullen look on his face and you still very confused.

“What was that whole thing about?” You finally break the silence as you two make your way towards the private garage elevators.

“I’ll tell you over danishes.”

Bucky plants his fist into the HYDRA soldier’s face for the sixth time, the sound of metal hitting flesh making a slushy sound with little clanks, signifying teeth hitting the floor.

“This is the last time I ask you before I kill you. Where is Bychkov, Morozov, and that fuck with metal arms?” He pants beneath the black mask and goggles, an outfit he hadn’t dawned in so long.

Your list is heavy in his pocket, he thinks about the names he’s already crossed off and few he has left. He’s not going to stop until he finds the handlers that captured you and the supposed soldier with metal arms that shot you, details you only mentioned to him once after a nightmare that he refused to ever forget.

“They… went back… to base… in Kiev. Just… north of it.” He struggles out.

One step closer. Bucky stands taller, letting the man slump on the ground, and he reaches for the knife at his thigh.

“Wait! I - I told you… where they went!”

“I was going to kill you whether you told me or not, you Nazi fuck.” Is all he says before he slashes the knife, ending the bastard’s life.

Leaving the man’s home, he rounds a corner into the night and replaces his knife, taking out a pen in one of his many pockets as well as your list.

He crosses off Antonov, looking down at the four remaining names, two of which were the men that did this to you.

He takes a breath, the layers of leather and kevlar straining over his muscles as he sighs. He never thought he’d be hunting people down like this, Nazi or not. He never thought he’d have this black mask and these goggles over his eyes. But he also never thought HYDRA would touch the love of his life the way they did; never thought they’d put you in that chair.

So, now, he’s only getting revenge. It’s the least he can do after this organization has stolen his life, kept him from seeing his family forever, took his arm, gave him PTSD, gave his girlfriend PTSD and injected her with who knows what only to put her in that goddamn chair.

While he never thought he’d be in this position, they asked for it, and he’s not sorry.

On to the next name.

[irwinkitten]

quarantine and chill | poly!lashton

notes: so as some of you may know, i got hit with covid-19. i’d kept socials updated with my symptoms and how i was dealing with it but i’ve been quite on the aftermath of what i went through. so i did what i do best, i wrote. similar with teulu, i decided to write it out in the form of a fic. a lot of what happens is what i’ve had to struggle through with regards to recovery and what i’m still struggling with. there is a lot that i haven’t really talked about with it either, however i got the main points down and just wrote. if i was feeling better, i’d probably have shifted it to an oc but this felt much too personal to do. i was debating on whether or not this was going to be posted. at first i wasn’t, then i wasn’t sure. i finally decided to because i enjoy writing and i enjoy giving people something to read, something to enjoy. i also decided on poly!lashton mostly because of the interview on one of the instagram lives where ash said he cooks and i think it was with @sexgodashton​ where were talking about how ashton would mother hen you when you’re sick lmao and then i got daydreamy because i’ve been dealing with the whole situation alone and it’s difficult when your loved ones (both friends and family) are too far away and unable to be with you. i’m rambling at this point but yeah, tldr; this is really personal on how i recovered from that godforsaken virus. warnings: talks of dying, depression, sickness word count: 9k (oops)

donate to my ko-fi here

-

When you’d come home from closing up the store, it had been an almost nightmarish day for you. It felt surreal that the store was closing until further notice and you had no idea when you were going to even be back in your job again.

What frustrated you was the fact that you hadn’t been able to book a flight out to LA before the travel bans kicked in, leaving you to be self-isolating in your apartment for the duration of the lockdown, alone.

Luke and Ashton had both voiced their complaints, but no amount of money being thrown at the problem wasn’t getting you back to LA with them.

 “How are you feeling?” Ashton asked over facetime whilst you tidied up. The simplicity of living in communal housing meant that you only had two rooms to tidy and keep clean. Luke and Ashton loved it for the fact that it afforded the three of you some privacy away from prying eyes of the media because you were tight-lipped about where you lived.

“Tired. I’ve cried a lot and I’m missing the both of you.” You admitted quietly as Luke popped into the screen, his head resting on Ashton’s shoulder. His lips wore a tired smile, one that you could match.

“We’re missing you too, love.” Luke’s voice was comforting. You finally settled down on the couch, your body sinking into the cushions and sighed.

“You know you don’t have to worry right? Ash and I are gonna help you.” The reassurance from Luke made your lips twitch up.

“I know. I’m just frustrated. They should have made this decision well over a week ago.” 

Neither of them could say much against that. You’d told the company bosses that you were at risk, you’d warned them that the store wouldn’t pull in enough money to warrant staying open for the week.

But they’d simply said that they were following government guidelines. It had been nothing but frustration for the three of you.

“Are you both home finally?” Your question was much quieter and Ashton grimaced. 

“Because I have a cough, they’ve organised us to be quarantined since we’re together. They’ve done the tests but I don’t think it’s anything, I think it’s just allergies playing up since I’ve been sneezing non stop.” Ashton explained and you sighed.

“Irony at its finest.” You received sad smiles in return from your boys.

“I’ve got some last minute paperwork to finish up and send off since I couldn’t do so at the shop. How about I call you both tomorrow?” Luke pouted and you giggled at the expression, your heart lifting that little bit.

“Fine but next time I’m hogging the phone.” Luke muttered and you laughed before blowing them both a kiss.

“Love you both, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

The paperwork was easy to finish off and left you a few hours to shower and change whilst tidying up around. 

When you crawled into bed, you checked your phone to see a photo of the two of them snuggled up together, Ashton practically smothering Luke. You sent them one back of you with the bear they’d gotten you, sprayed in their cologne. 

When you woke up the next day, there was only a slight difference, your blocked nose making you groan. 

“Fucking allergies.” Was muttered as you made your way to the bathroom, waving to one of your neighbours who was just leaving the kitchen.

You’d decided to stock up on food, making quick work of the short walk. It was nice to be able to still move about in the fresh air at least, offering a small, yet nervous smile at the cashier as you paid for your shopping, packed it in your bag and made your way home.

Before you even realised it, you’d settled on the couch and fallen asleep, wrapped up in your fluffy blanket, eyes heavy as you set an alarm. 

You slept through the alarm and when you next woke up, there were three missed facetimes from Luke. You called him back immediately.

“There’s the love of our lives.” Luke crowed when he answered, making you laugh. It was followed by a cough which made Luke pause, his eyes studying the screen. “Said love of our lives doesn’t look too well.” The concern was evident and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s probably allergies and my body finally relaxing from the last three weeks of stress.” Luke didn’t look convinced but you managed to switch the conversation. “Did you find out the results of Ashton’s test?” 

“Yeah, he came up negative. Since we’ve been quarantined for what, three weeks now? We’ll probably be on the next essential flight back home. But that won’t be for another week from what they’ve said. We both agreed to hang back long enough to let other people go ahead.” You frowned at that.

“But baby, you guys need to be back for the launch.” He shook his head.

“Ash was quite forceful with management on this one. There isn't going to be any kind of physical launch so we’re cleared to be delayed, just as long as we have a good wifi connection for the weekend for the various streams.” You sighed but understood their concerns. 

“How is our no longer sick drummer boy?” You finally asked and as if he was waiting for the question, he all but piled himself on top of Luke, a muffled whine escaping as he tried to shove Ashton off him.

You laughed.

“Behave children otherwise no rewards.” You teased them, making the two of them laugh as they settled themselves  down on the sofa they were on.

The conversation was easy between the three of you as they both excitedly discussed the possible plans they had for the album release, relying on them being home on time to do so.

“It wouldn’t do well to be still in the air when we do the release party, but knowing our luck...” Ashton trailed off, making you snort.

“Knowing our luck, that’s what would happen.” You grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Probably.” 

The three of you talked until you were dropping off, and despite voicing their concerns, you waved them off, pointing out that you always got like this during allergy season. Ashton didn’t argue the point, but Luke still frowned in concern.

“We love you, sunshine. Get some decent rest please.” He’d pleaded with you and you gave them both a gentle smile in return, hoping that it was at least semi-reassuring.

“I’ll be fine, but I’ll go to bed. Love you two.” 

“Love you more.” Came the unified response before the call dropped and you settled back asleep.

Part of you knew that you should’ve realised that they had every right to be concerned when you woke up the following morning.

Your entire body was aching. And what concerned you most was the tightness across your chest coupled with the pain radiating across your body.

When you checked your temperature, you felt your stomach sink at the fact that your fever had crept up and was alarmingly high. So you called the helpline, putting the phone on speaker whilst you waited to get through, sending a text to the group chat you had with your boyfriends.

‘Woke up with fever and body hurts. Struggling to breath too so checking in with the helpline to see what i need to do. Don’t know if I’m gonna be up for calling later bc I wanna sleep.’ 

You felt bad but you could already feel the drowsiness pull at your body. 

When you got through and described your symptoms, the lady on the other end advised you to self-isolate and upon the symptoms getting worse, to call the emergency services.

You relayed the information back to Luke and Ashton before falling asleep after taking some medication, trying to desperately ignore how much your body ached as you slept.

The first few days, it felt like you’d been run over with a truck repeatedly, but what concerned you was the pain that was radiating from your kidneys. Both Luke and Ashton knew of your previous history with kidney failure and both had been urging you to go into the hospital, but you’d couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t that bad.

By day four, both of your boyfriends were worried because you’d mentioned to them that you were unable to breath properly. It was late at night, but with the pain reaching an overwhelming point, you knew it was pointless to argue. Even your friends had been urging you to contact the helpline once more.

You’d been on hold for over an hour as the pain got worse. You were struggling to focus and it was everything you could do to try and breathe through the agony that was radiating through your body, so you cut off from the hold music and contacted the emergency services. 

This time fear started to settle into your stomach as you answered the questions posed to you, trying to get across that it wasn’t a block of flats but a shared home.

The operator understood and urged you to get help from your neighbours to at least let the crew into the building. You were nervous enough about standing up by yourself but you managed.

When you stood from your bed, the walk to the door, even though it was five steps away, the agony that shot up your legs had you stumbling into the door. 

Pulling it open, despite your neighbour’s door being six feet away, you knew you weren’t going to be able to stumble that far. The pain was steadily getting worse and tears started falling down your cheeks.

“Can someone help?” You finally got out, gasping for a breath once the words were out. Your neighbour was quick to open the door and knew something was wrong.

“What’s happened, are you okay?” 

“Can’t breathe. Called medics, but need someone to let them in.” You gasped out and he nodded, taking a step closer.

“Lets sit you down and I’ll get one of the others to go and wait for them.” The firm grip on your arms supported you, your own hands grasping his arms to keep you from falling as he slowly walked you back to the edge of your bed, setting you down gently.

The pain receded slightly.

“I’m gonna prop the door open and get one of the others to come and give me a hand, is that okay?” And you could only nod tearfully as you tried to take in slow breaths, despite the pain that was radiating from your chest.

With the door propped open, you could hear him banging on the other doors, calling for help and explaining the situation. The hallway wasn’t very long but their voices carried down to you as you tried, and failed, to calm down.

And then the medics were there, pulling the blanket from your shoulders despite how cold you were feeling.

“It’s because of the fever, your body is already warm, you won’t be helping yourself with the blankets.” 

They asked various questions and you tried to answer in the gasping breaths, but then the pain shot up and it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, we’re getting you to the hospital.” 

You could barely move, but between the medic and your neighbour, they managed to get the things you needed and help you down the stairs. It took much longer, but you knew that rushing wasn’t going to help and the pain was pushing close to hitting 10 for you. 

Once in the ambulance, you had a cannula inserted, laughing breathlessly between your tears at the first failed attempt and the second attempt to find a vein. 

When you reached the hospital, waiting to hear where you needed to be taken, you finally got out your phone, the morphine hindering your ability to focus, hitting the audio button instead to send a voice note to your now worried boyfriends.

“At the hospital. Been given some morphine but still hurts. Missing you and love you lots.” You could barely keep your eyes open, the words slurring together. The medic gave you a kind smile.

“Partner?” You nodded, the motion making you feel nauseous. 

“Need to drive to the other side, they’ve got a specific ward set up.” You heard and realised belatedly that the driver must have turned up. The drive was short and finally you were helped from the vehicle into a waiting wheelchair. You were too tired to protest and you knew it would be quicker for you to get situated.

You could hear them talking, explaining your medical history and the symptoms you were displaying. Part of your mind was listening but the other part of your mind was wondering how Ashton and Luke were. 

You missed them.

Once in a room, the nurses took over and did some more tests. Eventually you were left alone, your fever creeping higher despite the fact that you felt so cold. You were tired, but the pain that was radiating from your kidneys and joints, it was enough to keep you awake, unable to relax to sleep. 

Your phone was going off every few minutes, various people messaging you, making sure that you were okay. The only ones you were really replying to were Luke and Ashton, but even then it was sparse. 

It didn’t stop them from worrying.

When the doctor on shift came into your bare room, it took every effort to focus on her words.

“We’ve taken some bloods to help rule out any other possibilities, despite displaying symptoms of the virus. When we have the first results of your bloods back, we’ll be moving you onto one of the wards, so it should be another hour or so.” 

You nodded your head, eyes heavy as you let out a tired sigh.

“Any idea of how long I’ll be here for?” Despite the mask in place, you could see her cheeks lifting up into what you assumed was a smile.

“Less than 24 hours, I’d assume. Try to get some rest, another nurse will be taking some obs in about an hour, before you need to be moved hopefully.” You nodded tiredly, curling up on your side. It seemed to be the only relief you could find.

You drifted in and out, the stark quietness of your room so different to the usual noises you had of cars passing by or Ashton and Luke’s steady breathing.

 When the nurse came back in, you were beyond exhausted. You felt nauseous and the pain wasn’t receding. 

“We’re going to be moving you instead, they’ll do all the obs that they need once you’re settled in the room. I’m just waiting on the porters.” You nodded tiredly as she unplugged your phone charger and placed your bag at the bottom of the bed.

You kept your face turned into the pillow, the lights hurting your eyes. 

“Sensitive to the light?” Came a kind voice, you could only let out a muffled noise of agreement. When you were wheeled into the room, the light was dimmed down and you felt more relaxed. 

Glancing at the time you hadn’t realised it’d been so long. The numbers read 7am and you could feel your body shaking, your mind taking a minute to catch up with the fact that you were cold.

The next few hours were difficult. You went from being too hot to freezing cold, the pain creeping up as you tried to curl in on yourself to warm up. Even with additional blankets, you were still shaking, teeth chattering when you tried to talk.

When they took the second round of bloods, you didn’t offer any argument, simply holding out your arm for them to take the blood from. Things were getting hazy and you couldn’t focus on the nurse as he spoke to you about what was going to happen. 

You knew some of it was tiredness. Despite the mini naps you were having, you hadn’t slept solidly in nearly 48 hours. 

“We’re going to be coming in to do the test in a moment.” You found yourself confused as a different nurse explained what was going to happen and she took her time to make sure you understood each part. 

Once it was done, your cough having flared up after having the swab hit the back of your throat you noticed that you had missed calls.

‘How did I not hear them?’ You thought to yourself, confused. You clicked on the notification and realised it was Luke that had been calling.

“Hi angel, we were just checking in.” His voice seemed to set off the tears, unable to understand why you were so tearful. But he heard the sniffle. 

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You know we’re here for you.” 

“I just wanna be home with you two.” You choked out, a cough escaping, the motion making you feel sick. 

“I know angel, what have the doctors said?” You tried to steady your breathing so you wouldn’t set your coughing off again. 

“Two weeks self quarantine.” You finally got out, wiping a few stray tears away. You heard the two of them sigh in unison. 

“Maybe we could—”

“Ash no. If they are sick with the virus, it’s likely to just pass between the three of us.” Luke interrupted and you had to hold back the sob. 

“I’m scared.” You finally admitted quietly and tried to stop the sob that was crawling up your throat. You knew that if you’d started, you were most likely not going to stop. 

“Baby.” Ashton whispered and you sucked in a deep breath, determined not to ask the question. 

“Lu’s right. It’d just pass between the three of us. I should have maybe another week of symptoms.” Your voice was quiet but they heard you. 

“We’re not going home.” Luke’s voice finally filtered through. “Not with you being in hospital and not with you being so sick. We’re staying in a hotel till your symptoms die down and then we’re gonna come and look after you.” 

You couldn’t even argue with them. They were both as stubborn as mules and having them would make the recovery easier with some help. 

“How are you gonna get here?” You finally gasped out. 

“We’ve got a rented car. We extended it the day you got sick.” You felt your heart warm at their words.

“Okay.” You finally muttered. 

Eventually you were discharged with medication for the fever and a reminder to keep your fluid intake up at least. 

The journey back was exhausting. 

The medic was kind enough to chat to you about your job, about Luke and Ashton. He didn’t bat an eyelash when you mentioned them both. He was quick to help you figure out where the turning was, especially in the dark. And he helped you to the door of the building. 

Just the journey up the stairs was tiring, and your neighbours heard you arrive, the three of them checking that you were okay. 

“Until my breathing gets worse, I can self manage at home. However, I need rest and my body currently feels like I’ve been run over multiple times.” 

One of them checked about collecting your food shop the following morning and you smiled in return before getting into your bedroom and collapsing on the bed. 

You made sure that your phone charger was plugged in before sending a text to Luke and Ashton saying you were home. It was barely another five minutes before you fell into a fitful sleep. 

The following day you were woken to a knock on your door, but you could barely move. Sleep had been scarce and your joints felt so heavy. 

“Don’t try and get up! Just letting you know that I’m off to get your shopping! I should be back in an hour or so.” Your neighbour called through the door and you felt a little bit of relief flood you at that. 

“Thanks!” You called back before coughing, twisting sharply to the side where the bowl lay, your body aching when the coughing stopped.

You’d had the bowl lay there since the night before you’d gone into hospital, terrified that the coughing would lead you to throwing up. You weren’t good with vomit at the best of times but this was another level. 

Collapsing onto your back, taking in slow deep breaths as you tried to calm your heart down, you took a few moments before taking some meds, pulling the covers off your body to help you cool down. This was the one thing about fever that wasn’t fun for you.

You ended up napping on and off, unable to pay attention to your phone at the various texts coming through from concerned friends before there was another knock on the door which jolted you awake, despite feeling disorientated.

“I’m leaving the bags just outside your doors! Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll have them all up.” You didn’t reply as you heard the hallway door shut, and instead slowly moved to collect one of the face masks you’d been given, slipping it on with ease before grabbing disinfectant wipes. 

You ignored the dizziness that caught you off guard, taking a steadying breath as you waited, leaning heavily against the door.

“Right, they’re all there for you chicken!” Your neighbours voice was more distant and you hesitantly opened the door. He was standing halfway down the hallway, a kind smile on his face.

“How are you feeling today?” The concern was genuine and you could only shrug.

“A lot of pain. Not sleeping well.” You got out breathlessly. He frowned.

“Well if you need anything, you’ve got my number now, so just give me a text, especially if you need any drinks. You take care of yourself now.” You lifted your hand in acknowledgement before propping open the living room door and heading in there where your fridge sat.

When the food was put away, you were half staggering the few steps back to your bed, barely getting your mask off and on your desk before you half collapsed on your bed.

Glancing at your phone there was a missed call from Ashton.

“Hi love, you weren’t responding so we figured to call you.” His voice was hesitant when you’d accepted the call.

“Everything hurts Ash.” You finally sobbed, your body protesting the movement, but in that moment you couldn’t care. You missed them both and with the combined pain, it didn’t help.

“Baby.” Luke’s voice was soft and you knew they were worried, but you were too far gone to understand their worries. You just wanted them.

“Want you both, and can’t even have that because of this fucking virus.” You got out a cough ending the sentence as you tried to catch your breath and not choke.

“Calming breaths sweetheart. You’re okay.” Ashton soothed immediately and you tried to follow his instructions. But everything hurt. There was a sharp pain in your chest, coupled with the pain in your lower back as well as the joint aches. It practically burned you.

“Do you think you can manage a shower later, love? It might help.” Luke’s voice was hesitant once you were calm enough and you took in a deep breath.

“Maybe.” You got out, your voice quieter and they knew you were tired.

“Rest for a bit angel, see if you can try and get a few hours at least.” Ashton encouraged and you could feel the heaviness wash over you as you settled down.

“Love you both.” You tiredly got out before you let yourself sink into sleep, taking a slow deep breath as you did.

You didn’t hear their returned words or them cutting the call, you’d fallen asleep easily and your body relaxed just a little bit as you slept.

When you next woke up, it was dark. Making sure that you were at least drinking, you had another glass of juice followed by some water before pulling yourself up to take a shower. You texted them both and your best friend to let them know you’d slept some and you were about to attempt a shower.

It was slow going, trying to keep yourself upright, but the steam helped clear your sinuses, making sure you got every part of you with the scrubber before just standing under the shower, your hands pressed into the cold tiles to keep you upright. 

It’d been thirty minutes by the time you’d returned to your room, feeling more tired than when you’d first woken, so you took the opportunity to try and get more sleep. 

That was when the coughing became so violent at two in the morning that you felt like you were practically choking on air, unable to catch a breath until you’d rolled onto your side and something cleared enough for you to take a gasping breath, your heart racing so fast that you had to call your best friend to calm down.

It became frightening as days began to pass and you could barely recall them, your mind confused and muddled with exhaustion mixed in with the hunger that was plaguing you. But when you’d eaten, your body had rejected the food immediately so you didn’t try again. 

By day ten, you were struggling. You’d cried far too much and your body felt like lead. You knew that both Luke and Ashton were concerned at this point, knowing that this was the point where either you’d start to get better or it could get worse.

Two days later, between fitful nap and gasping breaths after a coughing fit, your phone went off.

It was Ashton.

“Baby?” You got out tiredly, keeping measured breaths as you sat up slowly.

“Take a look outside your bedroom window.” You frowned, moving to the otherside of the room, leaning enough to peer out of your open window before a sob escaped.

They both stood there, arms laden with bags. Both were looking up at you.

“Reckon you can come let us in angel? Lu and I are gonna commandeer your living room ‘till you’re better.” It took everything in you not to go racing down the stairs. You knew it would set you back further so you took hesitant breaths before looking back to your phone then you heard a voice in the hallway.

You were quick enough to catch your neighbour as he was heading back to his room.

“You alright there petal?” His voice was concerned and you held your hand up indicating you needed a moment to catch your breath. He waited patiently.

“My, my partners, they’re downstairs with some shopping and taking over my living room till I’m better. Could you let them in for me please?” You were hesitant in asking, but the pleading eyes you had seemed to have his shoulders wilt as he took a step forward.

“I take it they’re gonna be self-isolating for the two weeks they need to?” You nodded. 

“I’ve got to wait seven days after my fever stops as it is before I can even be in the same room as them. I know that they’re worried and being so far hasn’t really helped.” He smiled kindly.

“Got you, petal. Get back in and I’ll go get them for you.” 

You could hear their voices get closer and it took everything in you not to throw yourself out of the room at them. You didn’t want them to get sick.

“Delivered safely petal, feel better soon.” Your neighbour called and you tried not to let out a sob.

“Hi angel.” It took everything in you not to open the door. You had to clench your hands into a fist, head resting on the door.

“I don’t know what’s harder. You both being away, or you being so close but I can’t even see you.” You let out a choked cough and Luke let out a soothing noise.

“Well we’ve got you some good wifi now, and we’re here for you angel. We’ve got a couple of streams and you best be watching when we go live.” You let out a breathless giggle. They were there.

The first few days were the hardest. They’d leave cartons of juice and bottles of water outside your door. It finally added to fruit when you managed to keep an orange down.

Watching them do the streams from your living room was strange, but it seemed to settle your anxiety that they were so close. You could see it was being brought up about their shared change of scenery which prompted them to explain after you’d texted Ashton and told him that it was okay for them to know about your situation.

“So our partner, well they got pretty sick at the start of last week. We were already stuck in the UK at this point, so we just extended it so that we’d be with them when they got better. None of us handle being sick alone very well.” This made the other three laugh. You grinned.

“I think that extends to the rest of the band too.” Luke piped up, making the other two complain loudly. You giggled before coughing violently.

“Oops. As you can probably hear, it got real bad and real close by the end of last week. It’s why we were so distracted on the live because we were so worried. When they told us that they’d slept for a solid six hours last night, we made the drive back to theirs, shopping in tow to help look after them. We can’t see them, and Luke and I are stuck on the couch for the next two weeks at least, but we couldn’t just fly out and leave them alone.” 

Ashton’s explanation had well wishes pouring in for you and it warmed your heart to see that there were fans that cared. 

Part of you wished you could at least be watching them, or better yet, be cuddled up with them, to hell with the stream. But you knew they were trying to keep the focus on the album. You’d already had texts from the others to check in with you and you took your time to reply to them and settle down, your eyes heavy as you snuggled under the covers.

It was nice to watch them, seeing the ease in the way they joked about. You knew they worried but it was obvious to anyone who saw them when you’d gone into hospital that the tension that was sat on the both of them was both obvious and heartbreaking. 

You could see the shadows under Luke’s eyes and you wondered if they traded the nights between each other to make sure they wouldn’t miss an update or a call. 

You tried to squash down the guilt instant that reared up. They were doing this because they cared. There was nothing in it for them, apart from the possibility of you getting better. But you knew they expected nothing back. 

Your eyes were tired and you took in the time. It was creeping closer to midnight so you closed off the stream and texted the chat to let them both know you were going to sleep. Had you stayed on the stream a few moments longer, you’d have seen Ashton’s face relax as a gentle smile crept onto his lips, causing the two that were still stateside to tease him. 

The following morning was better in some way but also worse. Your cough wasn’t easing up but your fever seemed to have broken in the night. 

You weren’t overheating but you weren’t cold either. You took a few moments to move your limbs and regretted it almost instantly. But you knew that if your fever stayed down, it would be a further week until you weren’t contagious. 

Part of you wanted to practically sing in joy, but as you took in the early morning, you decided against that, knowing your men would be fast asleep still. 

Slowly you got yourself up, collecting your shower stuff before making your way down the hallway to the shower. The warm water felt almost luxurious on your skin as you took care in washing your hair, still leaning against the cold tiles to keep yourself upright, your legs trembling as you did so. 

It took the same amount of time as the previous shower, but once you were clean, you knew it made a small amount of difference as you stumbled back to your room, crawling under the covers to take a well deserved nap. 

You missed the text from Luke asking if you were awake. 

Now that you seemed to be stomaching food, Ashton kept it simple with dry toast, not willing to push your body too far. And you agreed with his judgement after he’d placed it in front of your door and you waited for the other door to close before you opened yours. 

“Love you.” You felt your heart melt as he spoke through the door. 

“Love you too Ash. Thank you.” You returned quietly before stepping back into your room. It was getting harder to stay in, especially when your cuddle monsters of boyfriends were just in the next room. 

It hurt. 

They FaceTimed with you to keep you company, both of them making a strong effort to not only keep you company but to also stop you from giving into temptation to just join them. 

Ashton was practically insistent on that. 

You knew by the time that you would be allowed to have them back in your room, their own self isolation would be over. 

It didn’t fail to amuse you how Ashton started cooking once you started being able to stomach more than dry toast. It took a few goes but he kept it plain enough to not make your stomach complain but changed it up so you didn’t get bored of it. 

What made it even better were the small notes of affection they left for you on the tray which held your food. You had them pinned up to your cork board without a second though, the small pieces of heaven from them only making it feel that much cosier. 

Something to ward away the bad days in the future. 

Luke snuck you some of your favourite snacks, even after the scolding Ashton gave him when he tried sneaking you a chocolate bar. 

It’d made you giggle and they’d both paused to hear it. 

It was a sound they hadn’t heard in nearly a month and it made their hearts soar. 

Despite the pain you were in, it felt like you could at least breathe with the both of them with you. Even if you couldn’t see them. 

By day nine after your fever had broken, you were beginning to feel semi human once more. You still had issues with exhaustion and light sensitivity, but you certainly felt more better than you had done in weeks. 

Luke had given up on waiting. 

“Ash, they said a week after the fever went down, they’d no longer be contagious. This is killing me.” You’d chosen to curl up on the side that was proclaimed as Luke’s side. 

Your heart was feeling heavy again. 

“I mean. We’re what? A week and a half?” Ashton’s voice was hesitant. You missed the mutter in return before the door opened and there was a knock on your door. 

Luke stuck his head in and you wanted to cry. 

“Reckon you can put up with some self care cuddles?” You simply nodded your head and shuffled into the middle of the bed. Luke wasted no time, his arms wrapped around you and you could feel every part of you seemingly shaking. 

Ashton followed a few minutes later and your memory seemed to fail you in that moment. You could barely remember the last six weeks, but the feeling of comfort was something entirely different as they held you. 

That was when you began to sob in earnest because you’d missed them. And they knew it. 

When you’d calmed down, part of you felt torn because you wanted to hold them both, not let go and just lay there. But they didn’t protest when you’d snuggle up to one, legs tangled and arms wrapped around tight and eventually switch to the other. 

If anything, it amused them both. 

As the day got later, Ashton untangled himself, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. Luke was your current cuddle buddy of choice. 

Turning your head, your confusion must have shown because Ashton smiled gently. 

“We need to keep up with the meals, love. I’m gonna make some soup for all of us, how does that sound?” You hummed in agreement. 

“It’s allowed I guess. But you gotta come back.” And he chuckled, leaning over to kiss your forehead, doing the same to Luke before disappearing out of your room. 

“You realise that he’s going to mother hen you to death, right?” Luke teased and you shrugged. 

“He’s here. You both are. That’s more than enough for me.” You murmured softly. Luke held you that little bit tighter.

“You up for a shower sweetheart?” You hesitated, your mind drifting back to the previous two times you showered. The hesitation must have been obvious because Luke pressed a kiss to the top of your head, not willing to push you.

“Will you, will you help? It’ll be a tight fit but, I struggled the last two times.” You finally admitted to him and he smiled. 

“C’mon. We can let the chef know as we pass him.” You giggled at his words, allowing him to help you out of the bed and making your way slowly across the room. Luke didn’t push, but he kept his arms available and easy for you to grab if you needed him.

You’d made it to the kitchen before you relied on him a bit more, your joints achy and your legs shaking. 

“Gonna get this one showered and clean.” Luke called into the kitchen where Ashton was cooking. He glanced back and grinned at you both before turning back to the food and you two carried on. 

Luke was nothing but patient with you as you climbed into the shower, his tall body fitting into the rest of the space. He was gentle as he helped you and it took the pressure off you, focusing on keeping yourself upright as his hands started working the shampoo into your hair.

You’d forgotten how well he massaged your scalp when washing your hair, and you only protested when he rinsed it out, making him laugh.

“I forgot how nice your head massages were.” You groaned as he worked the conditioner in. You carefully washed your body with the shower gel, cleaning Luke’s body whilst you were at it. 

He tried to stop you but you gave him pleading eyes and he relented easily. Using the time whilst your hair was soaking in the conditioner to wash his own hair quickly whilst you cleaned his body.

And then his fingers were back in your hair, cleaning out the conditioner and you had to stop yourself from leaning into him.

Once you were clean and dried off, dressed and the towels over Luke’s shoulder, you could feel yourself begin to flag again, leaning heavily on Luke for the short trip back to your room.

“I’ve got you sweet.” He murmured as you passed the kitchen. Ashton was talking with one of your neighbours who gave you a small wave but didn’t stop you to talk. Part of you felt guilty, but the larger part felt relieved because you were almost certain once you’d eaten something, you were going to be asleep.

Once you were back in your bedroom, you scooted so that your back was resting against the headboard whilst Luke let the towels hang so that they could dry and put everything back in its place. He understood your need for everything in its own place, whilst Ashton understood, but still sometimes made a small game of moving things to see if you’d notice.

Luke could see that you were too tired to even be playful.

When Ashton returned, he frowned for a moment before resting the first bowl on your lap, spoon already in the bowl.

“Don’t worry about eating it all. Just try to eat something for us.” He encouraged gently, handing Luke his own bowl before heading back to retrieve his own.

You were slow and methodical before your stomach protested and you left the spoon in the bowl, your head resting on Luke’s shoulder.

“M’ready for sleep.” You muttered and he hummed in acknowledgement. He’d long since finished his bowl, as had Ashton.

“You alright with Ash for a bit, love? Since he cooked, I’ll clean.” Luke murmured and you just nodded before shuffling till you were laid down. Ashton followed and you snuggled into him. 

You barely heard his murmured “sleep well” before you were fast asleep.

It was the first night that you’d slept for eight hours and it felt almost refreshing, especially after having the shower the previous night.

You were still nestled into Ashton’s side, Luke’s arm was slung over you both, his hand resting on Ashton’s stomach. You felt very safe between your men and you were so grateful that they were with you in that moment.

It was another hour before either of them stirred, but you’d been resting in that hour, not really awake but not asleep either. Luke was first to move, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as he moved off the bed.

“Morning, love. How are you feeling today?” He murmured as he stretched. You shifted onto your back and gave an experimental test of your joints. They weren’t so bad and your cough had eased up that your chest no longer hurt if there was the occasional cough.

“Better, I think. It’s only a dull ache, the kind I get when you two put me through the paces at the gym.” You admitted softly and Luke grinned as Ashton stretched out, almost like a cat before turning on his side to face you.

“Nice to hear that, angel. And good morning.” You grinned at him and kissed him gently before glancing at the time. 

“What are we doing today?” You asked quietly as Luke continued to stretch out his muscles. Part of you felt bad for them both to be stuck inside with you, but you were much too selfish to let that bad feeling linger. 

“I’m gonna do some exercises and then Ash is probably gonna do his own. And then a movie day for the rest of the day?” He posed the question and you paused before nodding your head. It sounded good to you and it meant you had some individual time with each of them.

The morning passed by easily. They did their exercises and showered before returning to your room that Luke had playfully dubbed ‘The Den’. Ashton had laughed at that as he went to set up in the living room for another live, but this time Luke was staying with you. They’d been trading off which had bothered you first, but then Ashton explained their reason.

“We don’t really want to leave you alone. Not that you can’t take care of yourself,” he hastily added on upon seeing your look of outrage, “but being so far away whilst you were so ill, it kinda scared us. We don’t want to leave you by yourself yet. It’s more to ease our own anxieties.” And you relaxed before shoving any negative thoughts to the back of your mind.

Luke was napping when your phone went off-Ashton was still on the live-and you answered the No Caller ID hesitantly. 

It was the hospital that you were at, a nurse confirming who you were before she’d go any further. It took a few moments before she got to the point of the phone call.

“So we’re calling you about the various tests. I’m assuming that you know you were confirmed with COVID-19, correct?”

“Yeah, about two days after the test, someone called to let me know.” You responded hesitantly. You wondered what this was about.

“And how are you feeling?” You were confused.

“I mean, I’m coming up to two weeks of no fever and starting to feel a lot better. I’m just more exhausted but I suspect that’s because of what my body went through.” You explained quietly and you heard her hum in agreement. Luke shifted beside you and you noticed that he was  awake, only because his hand had started to drift up and down your spine.

“That’s good to hear. What I’m calling about is that you’d said your kidneys had been hurting upon admittance, correct?” 

“Yes.” You were worried now.

“So when we looked at the numbers, we noticed that they’d started dropping. Not drastically enough for us to have you in intensive care, but that was why we moved you to the ward. It was as a precaution.” You felt your heart race at her words.

“They’d started failing again, hadn’t they?” You whispered and she sighed.

“Yes. However, because the numbers were back on the rise when we took your second blood test, we felt that we could discharge you safely. Had they dropped further, you’d have been admitted to intensive care. The only reason why you weren’t told immediately was because we didn’t want you to panic or go into further distress which could’ve made it much more worse.” 

It hit you like a ton of bricks what she was saying. 

“Is there anything I need to worry about?” You finally choked out, your hands trembling.

“At this time, no. When things ease up, we will request you get another test just to confirm you’re clear of the virus. Otherwise for now, just rest up and feel better soon.” 

“Thank you.” You got out, ending the call. Luke took the phone from your trembling hands and he sat up, pulling you onto his lap, his arms around you.

“What happened, love?” You were trying to take in slow deep breaths to stop the panic attack, knowing that it wouldn’t help you.

“They’ve just told me, when I went into hospital, my kidneys were failing.” You whispered and his arms tightened around you tighten enough that he understood the implications.

You’d told them both of the previous two times when you’d been so ill that your kidneys had started failing and as a result you’d been on death's door. 

You didn’t realise you were hyperventilating until Luke began to rub his hands up and down your arms to try and distract you, but your mind was too focused on the fact that you’d escaped death, again.

“Ashton!” Luke called loudly, a tinge of panic in his own voice.

Ashton practically crashed through into your door and his face was ashen as he took in your state, a look of relief followed by concern filling his features. He clambered onto the bed, his hands cupping your face gently. When you didn’t flinch away, he ducked his head to catch your eyes.

“Slow deep breaths sweetheart. We’ve got you.” It took you a while before you could finally focus on Luke’s hands which were still rubbing your arms gently.

“How’s your sense of smell?” Ashton teased as he noted that you were fighting to keep your breathing under control.

“Smell you and Luke, favourite smell.” You muttered and he grinned. You closed your eyes for a moment, leaning into his touch and he let his thumb brush across your cheeks in comfort.

“What happened?” Despite the question being directed at you, you knew that Ashton was also asking Luke.

“A nurse from the hospital phoned I think. They explained about the blood tests they’d run. Apparently their kidneys were failing when they’d gone in, but not enough to alarm the hospital staff or get them rushed to intensive care.” His voice was calm and you needed that. 

You knew that Ashton understood what he wasn’t saying, but also you weren’t too sure if you could voice it properly without crying.

“Come here sweetheart.” Ashton’s tone brokered no arguments and you moved so that you were cradled in his lap, his back resting against the headboard. Luke was nestled as close as possible.

“Part of me knew something was wrong, but, not that.” You whispered finally. Ashton made a soothing sound as you let your head rest on his shoulder, face pressed into his neck.

“It’s one thing to guess, it’s another thing to be told, love. You’re allowed to cry because it’s a frightening thing to be told.” His voice was one of reason and you finally let it out, allowing them both to comfort you as you processed what had been said.

He wasn’t wrong. It was one thing to guess, but to be told that your kidneys had started failing once more, it was frightening.

Neither of them moved away from you as you got it off your chest. You couldn’t pin how long had passed until you finally took a steadying breath, lifting your head from Ashton’s neck. Luke was first to move, his thumb wiping the tear tracks and you gave him a weak smile.

It dawned on you then that Ashton had been on a live.

“Ash, I’m sorry.” You finally whispered and he gave you a confused look.

“What are you sorry for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“The live you were doing...” You trailed off and he shrugged.

“They’ll get over it. You’re more important and we’re doing more radio interviews on the live so it doesn’t matter.” He muttered and you didn’t push, relaxing in his hold. Luke glanced at the clock and gave you a gentle smile.

“My turn to make lunch. Nothing cooked unfortunately, but I make a damn good sandwich.” He teased playfully which made you giggle, a sigh escaping your lips as he left after giving you both gentle kisses.

“Just think, tomorrow we can take you out for a short walk.” 

“Freedom.” You muttered deadpan, making him laugh as his lips found yours.

“Even for half an hour, it’ll help. Home stretch now.” You mustered up a smile for him before stretching your legs out and he moved with you, his arms not quite leaving your body.

“Am I not allowed to lie down?” You queried and he shook his head, a playful grin on his lips as he pulled you flush against his body, his lips finding your neck.

“No, all mine to have and feast on.” The cackle like laugh that he let off had you giggling as he blew a raspberry on your skin. This earned a squeal from you, laughing as he rocked you back and forth. “No one can take you from me!” 

You were still laughing when Luke returned with three plates, an amused grin on his lips as he raised an eyebrow.

“Save me Lu! Ash is gonna feast on me!” You shrieked again as he blew another raspberry into your neck, the ticklish sensation making you laugh as he held you tightly. 

Luke set the plates down before climbing on the bed, his lips curving into a smirk, making you pause.

“Can I feast with you Ash?” And you groaned as Ashton laughed as Luke straddled the both of you, his body causing the three of you to fall back onto the bed, effectively trapping you between the two of them as Luke left gentle kisses along your neck and you held back your moan, knowing that if he started to pull at the skin you were a goner.

Pulling back, he had a cheeky grin on his lips and you groaned as Ashton laughed.

“You two are the worst. Let me eat, you monsters!” You cried out playfully, making them both laugh as Luke shifted himself off you to get the plates once more and Ashton loosened his hold on your waist.

The rest of the day passed quietly, Ashton had apologised for having to ditch and the three of you settled watching movies long into the early hours of the morning.

Despite the lack of sleep, you were still up early excited that you were finally allowed to go for a walk today, and both of them laughed at your excitement.

Once you were dressed, they followed your lead and got ready. And then you were out of the building and the fresh air felt glorious, even if there was a spattering of rain. You didn’t care.

You led them both to a small pathway that led to the river that ran through the town, the edge of the river filled with cherry blossom trees. Both of them were taking as many photos as they could and you couldn’t hide your smile if you tried. 

Ashton managed to get a nice selfie of the three of you under one of the trees and before long, you realised that the half an hour had gone by and you were beginning to struggle, your legs becoming a little bit shaky. 

But it didn’t deter from the fact that you’d been able to go out for a walk and enjoy it. Both Luke and Ashton could see the immediate difference.

“We’ll go out every day and stay an extra five minutes longer. Build you up. How does that sound?” Ashton asked as you walked up the driveway, arm in arm with the both of them.

“That sounds good. Onwards and upwards from here and I am so going to kick your butts at Mario Kart now.”  

Their laughter rang around the empty drive as you reached the building and you felt much more positive with them by your sides.

-

if you wanna be added to my taglist just hmu!! 

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if you’ve been removed from my taglist it’s because i couldn’t tag you!! 

[bookworm-2692]

About a week ago I finally finished bookbinding @airdeari‘s beautiful Zero Escape fic The First Nonary Game. It took about a month (between all the waiting for glue to dry and also several days each week when I was unable to work on it), and was so much fun! It’s so satisfying to just... hold this book in my hands. 

Details about how I made it, along with additional photos (and commentary) below the cut.

So I came across this post on Tumblr, which immediately inspired me to try bookbinding myself. I spent a few days watching so many tutorials from the youtube channel linked in the post (I’ll link the specific tutorials I used in this post), and googling how to actually manage to print pages so they form proper signatures, because the inbuilt booklet creator in Word doesn’t exist in my Word apparently so that’s fun.

Anyway, once I started, I asked @airdeari for permission to print and bind his fic, and he immediately said yes, so that was good. Then I spent a good couple of days copying the entire fic into a Word document, and fiddling with formatting so it would look like an actual book (section breaks, page numbers, headers with the fic title on the left page and chapter title on the right page (this took ages to work and I kept on stuffing it up), and making sure things just... looked nice. I added in the art After The War that @keycrash created specifically for the fic (third pic above), and an “afterword” containing credit and links and the author’s notes from AO3 (because even if I’m the only one who will ever see it, it still feels weird to not add the credit stuff in so it’s there).

I then saved the document as a PDF, and used CheapImposter to correctly shuffle (impose, hence “imposter”) the pages so when folded into signatures, each page would be in the correct order. This program was the first free one I could find, and was great because you could specify the number of sheets you want per signature, rather than stuck with a default. I chose to have 11 signatures of 6 sheets of paper, since that was the amount that would have the least blank pages and the end of the book. The file was 261 pages, so with two pages per side, and two sides per sheet, you divide the number of pages by 4 to get 66 sheets of paper

I then printed. There was only one (1) paper jam in the process, which was great. Unfortunately, I realised after I printed that one of the headers for one chapter was wrong (I hadn’t properly disconnected the two chapters), but fortunately that only involved reprinting 4 sheets of paper.

I used the following tutorials to make the books: DIY Textblock, a general “how to make a textblock” tutorial; DIY Kettle Stitch, a specific look at the stitching for a textblock, since the first tutorial doesn’t focus on this; DIY Book Cloth, since I chose to use fabric for my cover; and DIY Hardcover Book, how to put all those pieces together.

So then I started folding all the signatures. I was watching so much Brooklyn Nine-Nine during both the folding and stitching sections, since it was repetitive actions I didn’t need to concentrate on that lasted hours.

It was at this point that I sliced each signature one by one to make the end smoother and less pointy. In future I recommend not doing it at this point - wait until the very end. Instead, move straight onto stitching. 

I don’t have any photos of the stitching portion, since my phone died the morning I started the stitching, and I wasn’t able to replace it until after all the stitching was done. In fact, originally all the photos from before the stitching were lost too. It was only about two days ago that magically the My Photo Stream thing kicked in and brought back all the photos - if it had worked two weeks earlier I would’ve had more. As it is, all photos from September to January are gone forever, unfortunately. But that’s another discussion entirely.

The above is the first book photo on my new phone, so as you can see, all the stitching was completed, the spine was glued, and the purple paper attached. I couldn’t buy two A4 sheets, so instead I had to buy one A3 sheet and cut it in half. Which was difficult cycling home from the city with an A3 sheet that didn’t fit in my bag on account of being A3 and not A4, but oh well.

I don’t have a book press, so I used a pile of DND books and my brother’s weights instead, as shown below.

I then had to re-slice the book after this point bc my first go wasn’t even, on account of slicing each signature separately. Next time definitely I’ll just do it at the end like this. I then also sanded it to make it smoother. It’s still not perfect, but it’s something that’ll take practice and patience so.

Next I made the book cloth, which involves using appliqué sheets to combine cotton fabric and tissue paper. But first I want to talk about the fabric I chose for the cover, because I’m quite proud of it. I spent ages wandering around the shop, trying to find something that fit the feel of the book. Spoilers for the content of the fic if you haven’t read it yet, and also for the source material (999/Zero Escape). I was thinking about some sort of blue swirl thing, because of the Gigantic sinking. I found that, but hesitated because it didn’t fully fit, and my favourite colour is blue so I always pick blue. I also considered flames/fire because of the incinerator thing, but couldn’t find any. I can’t remember if I just couldn’t find any four leaf clover fabric, or if I’ve just since thought about that as a cover. But instead I chose the butterflies below. They fit in several subtle ways that I’m proud of. The colours of blue and pink(/red) matching the receiver and transmitter coding all throughout 999, as well as the moments of purple as well (I don’t think I need to get into that, I’m sure it was analysed to hell and back when the game first came out). The butterflies also point towards the butterfly effect, and in turn the different timelines present in the series. So together it just works. /spoilers over

It’s also just a pretty fabric.

Now the making of the book cloth. I had to make it twice, because I was too impatient the first time, so the iron was too hot and it steamed, which wrinkled and warped the tissue paper, so the fabric was all wrinkly too. The second time took ages and was a worse quality appliqué sheet, but worked well enough anyway.

(My parents: did you have the iron out? what were you ironing? you never iron)

And then I cut the book board to size, using the measurements from the tutorial video. I’ll repeat them here: front and back cover: width = width of textblock minus 3mm, and height = height of textblock plus 6mm, and spine width = width of textblock spine, spine height = same height as covers

I then glued the board onto the book cloth, and put it under the book press. The dnd books are not large enough to cover the whole thing, and also I really wanted the board to stay flat and not curl, so I grabbed way more dnd books and way more of my brother’s weights. I also accidentally started putting the glue on the wrong side of the board (bc one side is smooth and the other is rough), hence the colour difference as well.

The corners were cut and folded and glued over...

And then the textblock was glued in, and put in my book press for a whole weekend. I added a sheet of paper to absorb the glue so the pages wouldn’t become wrinkly, but instead the sheet I added was fine and every other page in the book is wrinkly. So I dunno what happened there. After the weekend I took it out and looked at it, and then put it back for another week to be sure.

And then the complete book is shown at the top of the post!

As I was starting I was talking a lot about it, like about the process I had to go through, or how I was going to obtain what I needed, etc. Mum asked if she could read the story. I froze, like a deer in the headlights... because this is a fanfic. She saw my fear and immediately backed down, explaining she only wanted to read it because if the story was that important to me that I was going to literally turn it into a book, she wanted to read it to yknow like know me better or something? Which makes sense. And when I got over my initial reaction, and remembered that indeed it was technically my dad who introduced me to fanfic, and thought about it more, I said okay. Because since the fic is technically a prequel to the first game, and most of the characters are technically OC’s (like, from the first game we know that all eighteen children must exist, but most of them don’t have names or anything so they are effectively OC’s), then knowledge of source material isn’t strictly necessary. This fic can probably be enjoyed on its own. I mean I’ll probably have to explain the concept of morphogenetic fields, and the last four chapters might not make sense? But I’m okay for my mum to read it. So when she’s less busy at work I’m going to download the epub onto her phone for her - we’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, this fic is a masterpiece, extremely well written and I highly recommend it. As said, most of the characters are effectively OC’s, and yet they are all given such rich histories and personalities. All of them have access to the morphogenetic field, so I’m just so glad that @airdeari​ explores nine unique relationships with the field - nine unique sibling dynamics, and esper powers and abilities. It’s just so good.

[spell-cleaver]

Oo for the ask game: 1, 17, 19, 25? 🥺

Also just cuz i can: you are amazing mate!!! ❤️❤️

🥺🥺 aaaaah right back at you, Cory 💙

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

There are,,, a lot of stories I’m holding off writing,,,, and they call to me like sirens. 

BUT the main one I’m holding off is a wip with the wip title Kingdom Come. It is a fantasy au where Crown Prince Luke is “murdered” by Palpatine’s forces on a diplomatic mission, King Anakin spirals in grief and rage and Leia is called back to the palace to be the new heir and tries to insist that he’s not dead, while Luke survived the assassination attempt and is having a very bad time in his attempts to get home. There’s this one scene at the end that I adore to pieces.

I’ve been brainstorming it for literally years at this point... maybe 2 or 3 years... and I resolved myself to write it in March, but alas, looks like that other au that possessed me a week ago has cut in line.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

DON’T KILL OFF THAT CHARACTER, THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO TAKE AN OTHERWISE EXCELLENT NARRATIVE.

*ahem*, other than that specific regrettable plot idea, I’d tell her to refamiliarise herself with how dialogue punctuation works, bc it does not work like that. Also, it’s Padmé, not Padmè.

And also just -- keep writing!! You will figure it out eventually and you’ll be very proud when you do.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.? 

Blood, sweat and many tears.

It varies from fic to fic. Some of my earlier ones I didn’t plan at all, I just held it all in my head and experimented and kept writing. Some, like Sparks, became long and complicated by accident, so I’m scrambling with a bunch of sheets and notes trying to plot in hindsight where I accidentally went and where I wanna go (this is part of the reason that Sparks is so hard to write.) Eclipse, on the other hand, is the model for how I would like to do it -- lots of sheets and plans, showing different aspects (e.g., plot, character arc, cool plot points and references I want to throw in at some point) with their own views, written before I started writing and added to/expanded as I wrote.

At a minimum, though, I always need some sort of plan XD

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

Now that Heir is finished on AO3 and posted, I’m posting this snippet -- spoilers for The Heir, Chapter 15 under the cut

No. He couldn't let Luke go. Naboo was in the Mid Rim, parsecs away from Coruscant. He would not let his son leave him alone here—he needed to protect him.

Luke was all he had.

The only person he cared about. Padmé's son, who deserved the galaxy and would be given the galaxy. Luke was his son, and he would not be parted from him the way—

The way he'd been parted from his mother.

He thought of her, then.

Gentle hands on his head, a soft voice, calling to him across the sandy streets... He thought of her fear every time he'd go podracing, he thought of her acute attention when patching up every scratch and bruise, he thought about how she'd put herself between him and Watto's beatings, always, his steadfast protector in that most miserable of lives.

He thought about how, when Qui-Gon had come to free him, she hadn't hesitated, hadn't held on to him. She'd let him make the choice she must have known he would make—had watched her only source of happiness vanish in the distant hope that out there, he would be free.

Anakin hadn't understood it at the time. Not truly. He'd barely understood it years later.

But, thinking of Luke, thinking of Naboo, and Sabé, and Padmé... he understood it now.

Luke had been so happy on Naboo. He would be so happy on Naboo.

Above everything—above the Empire, above the Force, above himself—Vader wanted Luke to be happy.

And that meant, he realised, throat choked up and suddenly grateful that he could no longer cry, he had to let Luke go.

Okay this is a little more than a paragraph BUT. I’m really proud of it -- this section was written long before the ficlet was, from the moment that I knew how I wanted to end Heir, and I was emotional.

Thanks so much for the ask, friend!!!

writing asks here!

[jisungsmochi]

shining star - chenle

literally came up with this idea at 2am and just kept writing so i’m posting it bc it’s my first chenle imagine and i am pretty proud of it hehe, hope you all enjoy, idk how long this is but its very fluffy and has some angst in you squint. 

prompt(?):

“you have detention?” you question the boy.

“and you’re in a musical?” he strikes back, followed by a small grin.

highschool!au , friends to lovers?, musical themed hehe

————-

“all students who are taking part in the next musical production, please meet in the theatre after school for your first meeting” the announcement over the speakers echoed through the halls and in classrooms.

“imagine being in the school musical” you heard boys behind you tease, followed by obnoxious laughter. you turned around to see who they were, not to your surprise it was chenle, and his group. chenle’s eyes met yours, he saw the expression on your face and instantly stopped smiling.

what a jerk, you thought to yourself.

you turned back around and resumed listening to the lesson, taking down notes before placing a reminder on your phone that you had a meeting for the musical. you weren’t the lead, this time. but you were hoping that in the next production, you will be. you were happy with playing the supporting role, just as long as you had some lines. the musicals at school were a safe haven for you. you were supported by people who had the same passion and the activities your drama teacher allowed you guys to participate in, made you enjoy lessons even more. although most of the school focused on the sporting teams, you were pleased with the theatre group. aside from occasional teasing, such as from chenle and his friends, you adored being in musicals.

“you haven’t handed in your assignment from two weeks ago, despite the extension. i have to put you in detention” your english teacher shook his head in disappointment as chenle groaned. you weren’t sure if he was annoyed or upset that he was in detention. you could never really tell.

your eyes met his again, he immediately broke the contact and made his way back to his seat.

the bell rang, signalling the end of school. your phone dinged with the reminder for the meeting. you rushed to the theatre, placing your bag in the designated spot and focusing on your teacher’s instructions.

“okay, today will be quite an easy day since it is our first meeting. i will be going over the opening scene with the leads so all other crew members, please begin to brainstorm costume ideas and set designs!” your teacher ordered, and immediately everyone dispersed into their designated roles. you decided you were going to read over your lines and highlight them in some pretty pastel colours. you situated yourself near the steps on the stage, legs crossed and focusing on reading.

after a few scenes, you decided to take a break, something caught your sight on your left. you furrowed your eyebrows and followed your senses. before you knew it, you were met with chenle towering over you, with a blank expression on his face.

“what are you doing here?” you spoke.

“what do you think?” he crossed his arms and looked at his feet.

“you have detention?” you questioned the boy.

“and you’re in a musical” he strikes back, followed by a small grin. you couldn’t help but crack a small smile.

“so what? you’re here to help with the sets?” you questioned him further, honestly trying to pass time.

“i’m more of just a stage hand i guess.” he shrugged, finally looking you in the eyes.

it wasn’t like you hated him. you didn’t really hate people. but sometimes, the things he said just got on your nerves.

“are you the lead, in the musical?” he loosened up, standing more comfortably in front of you as you continued this casual conversation.

“um no i’m not. i’m the supporting lead, it’s still something!” you smiled shyly, afraid he might tease you.

“what? you’re not the lead?? and soojin is? but you’re a great singer” his face was contorted in a confused expression.

“how would you know that?” you perked up, while smiling.

“i’ve heard you at the talent show, and you do know that you post singing videos on instagram?” he chuckled softly, making you pout.

“oh right, well i don’t know, maybe she’s just better at acting!” you tried to excuse, but he wasn’t convinced.

“possibly, well um, while we’re talking, do you mind if we just chill during these meetings? until my detention is lifted and all, i literally have no one” chenle proposed, which made you quite flattered that he enjoyed your company.

“oh yeah sure! i’ll teach you about stage directions and stuff, just so you’re not confused and all” you offered, which caused him to smile widely and nod.

“thankyou so much” he held his hands in a prayer pose.

“my pleasure” you laughed before telling him where to move certain objects.

——————

two weeks passed by and you’d say that chenle had picked up the theatre terms pretty quickly.

“you sure you don’t wanna be in the musical?” you joked as he was playing around with the microphone settings.

“oh yeah for sure, can’t believe i missed auditions” he joked in return, shaking his head before handing you the microphone.

“should be good to go” he smiled before giving you a thumbs up. you mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ before facing your teacher. you began singing your duet with the supporting male lead. it was going smoothly until you completely blanked and forgot the next lines. the music automatically stopped,

“y/n! what’s going on? you’ve had 2 weeks to prepare so far” your teacher sounded disappointed and slightly annoyed. you sighed quietly before apologising and running off stage. chenle was about to stop you before you shoved past him, tears leaking from your eyes. he heard your sniffles and ran after you. you stopped running as you left the theatre, backing yourself against the wall. chenle caught up and faced you.

“i can’t do it” you sobbed. your chest was heavy and your breathing was irregular. he noticed and placed a hand on your arm.

“look at me, just calm down first okay? breathe with me. in.... and out” chenle tried his best to help you.

you followed his orders before speaking again.

“i can’t freeze up like that in the real show. i just can’t. i need to keep singing. even if i fuck it up” you sighed to yourself, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground. he copied you and sat next to you, your shoulders touching.

“hey, at least this was rehearsal. you’ve kicked ass, all the way up to now. don’t let this scare you!” he spoke to you in such a lovely manner, it eased your worries.

“i know i know. i just can’t help but feel this way” you look at him. your face stained with tears, but you still gave him a small smile. he wiped some of the tears with his thumbs, before saying,

“let’s cut this rehearsal short. you deserve some ice cream” he pulled you up from the ground and pulled you in for an embrace. you would admit that you had come to a liking of chenle. he was so helpful as a stage hand, and always showed up on time. he always gave you a small thumbs up before you were about to sing, and always waited for you when rehearsal was finished to catch the bus home. you nodded at his offer, grabbing your bag you had placed in your locker and walked out of school with chenle by your side.

—————-

chenle had served his detention, but still remained as a stage hand, in which your teacher didn’t mind as he was genuinely helpful with the props and tech equipment. it was two weeks before opening night. after almost every rehearsal, chenle would be right by your side when going home. the entire time you both had been working together, he hadn’t said one negative thing about musicals. he had become accustomed to the quick paced yet laid back nature of the theatre. but what he wouldn’t admit, is that he enjoyed watching you on stage. you smiled so brightly, you sang like an angel. he couldn’t get enough. his friends often teased him for wanting to remain a stage hand, but he ignored them, knowing it was worth it.

after this particular rehearsal, you ran up to chenle and hugged him tightly. he was taken aback, slowly placing his arms around you and patting your back softly.

“i didn’t make any mistakes today!!” you cheered, pulling away from him, still leaving your hands around his forearm.

“i know! you were great, as usual” he complimented, which made you blush. you shook your head before speaking,

“thankyou for always having my back. i’ll treat you to an early dinner. what do you want?” you offered kindly.

“actually, i have to get back home, but how about, this weekend? we can go out for lunch or something” chenle crossed his fingers in his mind that you would agree. you nodded immediately,

“yeah sure!! message me when you’re free!” you smiled before completely letting go of him and leaving the theatre.

he couldn’t control himself, as he fisted the air and cheered quietly.

————-

saturday afternoon, you had agreed to meet with chenle at your local bowling alley, as the onion rings were to die for there.

you were onto the eighth bowl, chenle leading by 40 points.

“this isn’t fair! you’re too good!” you complain, poking his sides.

“am not! just know where to focus that’s all!” he defends before taking a bite of an onion ring. you giggled before taking your turn.

“here i’ll show you” he came up behind you, helping you position yourself properly.

you felt his fingers touch yours and you couldn’t help but blush.

“okay so you see that middle pin? just try your best to aim there and keep your arm steady!” he looked at you for assurance as you nodded in response. he left your side to watch, as you did exactly what he had said. you both watched as the ball rolled right towards the middle pin, although you did not get a strike you still managed to known down nine pins. you ran over to chenle, arms wide as he embraced you warmly and spun you around shortly.

“did you see that?!” you were ecstatic, he admired your excitement.

“i know!! you’re a pro already” he smiled.

“ah you’re too kind!” you complimented.

on the way back to your house, chenle had been walking close to you, where your shoulder touched and at any moment your fingers would link.

“thank you so much for today!! only a week or so until opening night!! this really helped calm my nerves. i appreciate your support over these past few weeks. i hope we still stay friends after this” you didn’t know why that last sentence felt so uncomfortable to say. you didn’t want to be just friends.

“oh yeah no problem!! you really kept me sane. i’m sorry for talking bad about musicals before, i just never really paid attention to them! you’ll smash it on opening night! i’ll be cheering! and yeah, we will be friends” a part of him felt hurt to finish off that sentence as well.

you gave him one last hug, which lingered for longer than your normal hugs.

“see you next week” you waved before entering your house, watching as he returned the action. what did you get yourself into?

—————-

it was the afternoon of opening night, everyone was running around everywhere. you had just finished the final rehearsal and were currently resting. you sat with chenle outside of the theatre again.

“you nervous?” he questioned, looking over at you.

“a little, i just don’t want to make any mistakes!” you sighed.

“and you won’t! here’s something to make you feel better” he pulled out a small box from his jacket pocket. you raised your eyebrows before opening the box, it was a key ring that had a star hanging from it.

“you didn’t have to get me something oh my god, flowers would have been perfectly fine!” you pulled him closer to you, listening as his laugh filled your ears.

“it’s okay! you deserve it. you’ll still be a star, even if you mess up. you’re such a good performer i can’t stress that enough” he avoided your eyes. you tried to gain his attention again, in which he complied.

“can i tell you something?” your stomach was going so many flips, you couldn’t contain yourself. he nodded slowly, allowing you to continue.

“without you, i would have probably given up by now. thank you for staying by my side. i can’t thank you enough for how nice you’ve been to me. and i think it would be a good time to say that, i really like you. like a lot. like i think about you after every small positive thing that happens to me because you are just such a positive person! and this gift is just so meaningful. you are such an amazing guy, and i hope you like me too” you blurted out , watching as his face became stunned. words refused to leave his mouth. you pouted softly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“i was going to tell you that i liked you after the musical but you beat me to it. if it weren’t for you, i would have quit being a stage hand after my detention. but i really wanted you to see how amazing you are. i’ve known how amazing you were since the talent show. i was surprised to see that you were a supporting role. you deserve so much more. i admire all of your confidence, and i can’t get enough of you” he spoke with such admiration you began tearing up. you hugged him tightly, refusing to let go, mumbling ‘i like you so much’ in his chest. he softly giggled, “i like you too cutie”.

———

opening night was a success. as the final bows were being taken, you looked over at chenle and ushered him to join you on stage. he quickly shuffled to you and took a bow with the rest of the crew.

“congrats on everything” he whispered to you.

“you’re adorable” you mumbled before placing a quick peck on his cheek. he looked over to you in shock. you were unpredictable, quick witted and he was completely whipped for you.

musicals weren’t so bad after all.

[dontgotothenetherworld]

ap psychology

anonymous asked:  Can I request readers putting all her studying off till the week before AP exams and she starts studying an unhealthy amount, like sometimes forgetting to eat all day because of it and even made herself sick from stress over it but reader refuses to complain because she did it to herself and Lydia's just there helping her review and making sure she takes time to care for herself ect? Bonus if Reader thinks she did bad and Lydia assuring her she did fine and has an 'i told you don't moment? 

anonymous asked: Totally didn't request that bc that's my situation-

for some reason when i tried to queue this w/ the original ask, tumblr wanted to put the cut in the ask and i couldn’t delete it

this is out of date now, but i was uninspired to write for a hella long time sorry. also! i’m going to draw from my experiences w/ ap this year, and the only ap exam i had to take was psych, so that’s also going to be the case for reader :)

also, i feel like my lydia is a bit out of character? idk it’ll probably take a while to get back to the way i used to write her.

1303 words

cw: femreader. food

you cursed under your breath. months ago, months! you told yourself you would start studying for your ap exam. you only had the one exam to study for, so you told yourself that if you just did a little bit everyday, you would be fine.

but here you were, about three days until your ap psychology exam, and you hadn’t studied any of it. you had hardly even watched the videos your teacher had posted as the digital learning content. but to be fair, the stuff he was talking about in them were the last unit or two of psych, and you wouldn’t have to worry about them, because you weren’t going to be tested on them.

you groaned and dragged your feet downstairs, to where you hid your backpack. the friday weeks ago, when your school told everyone that classes would go digital for a few weeks because of the coronavirus, your teacher had come prepared. he gave everyone that showed up to class, which, granted, wasn’t that many but still- a huge packet covering everything that you had studied this year. it was some forty pages long.

okay, it was, like, thirty five because you crossed out the pages about personality and disorders. which was a shame, because those are the units that everyone takes psychology to learn about. no one goes, “oh boy, i can’t wait to learn about how to test if a baby has depth perception!” or “i can’t wait to learn about all the different types of visual illusions!” but whatever.

you flipped to page thirty five, to see how many questions you were in for. just over 250, except that’s counting all the charts as individual questions. yeah, that makes sense. one and a half pages of listing what researchers discovered what is equivalent to answering which cortex of the brain processes visual stimuli.

wait a minute. lydia was also taking psych. studying sucks, but if you could do it with your girlfriend, that’d be so much less painful.

you texted her, “hey lyds, have u finished the psych packet yet?”

”yea i finished it yesterday, why?” she texted back almost immediately.

shit. looks like you’ll have to suffer through this alone. “nvm”

you looked at the time, 1:46. damn, already? it felt like you had only just woken up. you made yourself a coffee, and set up shop on the desk you have never used in your bedroom, with laptop open beside you. you planned on googling everything, rather than going through your notes, mostly because you forgot where you put them, but this would still take ages.

an hour passed, and you felt like you were dying on the inside. if you had to answer one more question about behavioral psych, you were going to scream. behavioral psych is by far the worst part of psychology! watson and skinner be damned! people are people not some computer code! people have feelings! you can’t just ignore them! and the feeling you were feeling right now was not a good one!

you wanted to stop, but you weren’t sure if you stopped now if you’d be able to finish the packet. so you kept on going.

you went another five hours, taking five minute tik tok breaks every hour to keep you sane. you looked at the clock, and realized you hadn’t eaten anything today. you grabbed a box of cheez-its and made your way back upstairs, and went back to work. this time, you ate a cheez-it every time you finished a question, or you filled out a row in a chart.

you didn’t know when you fell asleep, but you woke up in the morning with about half the packet filled out. considering the exam was in one day, and four-ish hours, you thought that was good.

as you made your morning coffee, you checked the messages lydia had sent you. “are you doing okay? normally we talk a lot but…” “wait, are you working on the study guide?” “y/n! please take breaks! remember! you need food!” “and water!”

you sent back, “if i eat my cheez-its, and i drink my coffee while i study, then i don’t have to take breaks.”

you went back to your desk, and plugged your phone in across the room so you wouldn’t be distracted. but also because you forgot to charge it before you passed out, so it was at three percent, because apparently you had kept it open to tik tok all night, and the video just kept looping. oops.

for a while, the studying seemed easier. you felt like you had less to do, and you didn’t need to worry about getting it done in time, because you had more than enough of it. but because you didn’t need to rush, you became more productive.

you finished the second half of the packet by six that evening. you do admit, you got a bit lazy in the last few pages, but it was done!

shit. studying isn’t just writing stuff down, you have to read it over, right? you don’t really study that much.

but you decided to take an hour or two’s break for… breakfast? dinner? maybe even lunch? whatever, leftover pizza, because you had just only now just realized the intense rumbling in your stomach.

you checked your phone for the first time in hours. you were actually kind of proud of yourself. you usually were on your phone every waking hour, which was probably a problem, but you had shown enormous restraint… by spending every waking hour staring at your laptop. it’s all about choosing your battles.

you quickly dismissed some twitter notifications before tapping on a new message from lydia. “babe, i’m getting really worried about you, please call me when you see this.” you furrowed your brows. worried? about you? why?

you called lydia, and she picked up nearly immediately.

”y/n!” she gasped with relief, “don’t do that to me again!”

you felt stupid for wondering what she was talking about, but you kind of needed to know, “what do you mean?”

”you’ve been offline for hours, and i couldn’t get to you! and then when i heard what you were eating, that got me worried. have you eaten today?”

”three slices of pizza right now.” you swallowed a bite.

”is that your first meal today?”

”unless you count coffee, yeah. i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise. speaking of tomorrow, we’ve got the psych exam, and i need to keep studying. i’ll call after the exam, so like three?”

”y/n.”

”yeah?”

”you do realize this exam is online, right? and at home?”

”uh, yeah.” you swallowed.

”and you have both a laptop and a phone?”

”lydia, what are you saying?” cheating. she was definitely talking about cheating.

”i’m saying, that you don’t really need to know the definitions, because our dear old pal google can be there to help you out with those. and you’re smart, so i assume you know the concepts.”

”you think very highly, of me, my dear.” you took another bite of pizza. “so, what you’re saying is, i wasted two days studying?”

”yes, that is exactly what i’m saying.”

”shit. wait, why were you studying?”

”ugh, because i am nowhere near as good as you at being able to understand things.”

”you know, definitions explain the concept too.”

”what are you saying?” asked lydia.

”i think we’ve both wasted a lot of time studying when we didn’t need to.”

”fuck.” lydia breathed.

”yeah, we’re both idiots. do you wanna watch something on netflix? you haven’t finished parks and rec yet, right?”

”no, i just finished an episode before you called me.”

”which one?”

”season four, episode seven.”

”wait, is the next episode smallest park? we need to watch that, like, now.”

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi @book--butterfly

[levi-inthesun]

It’s Just You and Me, Baby

Part 1: Baby Shark

Summary: Scott Lang is turned into a baby while the team is trying to figure out time travel. Trouble is, they can't seem to turn him back into an adult. As the only ones w/out any sort of science knowledge past High School, you and Steve have to look after him.

A/n: if this exact story already exists I am so sorry. Part of me feels like I may have read something similar, but I'm not really sure? ALSO, this was meant to be a one and done thing buuuuut suddenly I already have a good chunk of the second part written. Oops.  A/N- I read this after posting annnnd whoops I did not edit this damn thing. SO I am doing it now :)

Warnings: Swearing, a tiny bit of smut near the end (first time writing anything, bear with me), sexual frustration (bc you & steve are competitive asses in a relatively small space).

Steve Rogers x Reader

Steve called out your name over the sound of baby Scott crying. "He won't stop!"

You could hear the desperation in his voice and forced yourself to get up from your nap. Rubbing your groggy eyes, you walked into the common room and saw Steve, tears of his own in his eyes, doing his best to shush his tiny teammate.

"Have you tried singing to him?" You asked, voice flat.

Steve nodded, "That's when he started crying."

"Damnit. Ok, give him here," Steve gently handed you the baby, and he automatically started calming a tiny bit.

"That isn't fair," he grumbled under his breath.

You looked at him incredulously. "You're telling me you wouldn't feel calmer if I, in particular, were holding you?"

Steve blushed slightly, and your heart betrayed you by skipping a beat, or two. Ignoring it to the best of your abilities, you sat down, adjusted Scott so he was sitting on your stomach, your legs keeping his wobbly body propped up, and began singing-

"Baby shark doo doo, doo doo doo doo. Baby shark doo doo, doo doo doo doo. Baby shark doo doo, doo doo doo doo. Baby Shark!"

You kept going with the song, doing the hand motions along with it and soon enough, baby Scott was giggling and clapping.

After a while, Scott was just fine playing with some toys on his blanket on the plush carpeted floor. You turned to Steve and was about to say something when he suddenly stood up, chuckling slightly and moving to fix your hair. It had turned into a bit of a rat's nest during your not so great nap.

"Your hair looks nice," steve teased as he gently ran his fingers thru the knots.

You rolled your eyes, hoping to distract from the blush that was rising at him being so close.

"I think I'm just gonna take a shower, make me coffee?" You asked, stepping back and placing a kiss on Scott's little soft head.

"Sure," he said, smiling softly.

You would have taken your sweet time in the shower, but you knew coffee awaited you, so you were quick. Walking into your bedroom with a towel around your body, you began digging through your dresser. Steve cleared his throat from the doorway and you turned around quickly. Had you not been so surprised your jaw would have dropped.

Somehow, Steve looked like an entire meal despite being so desperate for Scott to stop crying earlier. Then he had looked messy, had vomit stains on his t-shirt, the whole baby-nine-yards. Now, he was in a clean shirt that accentuated his chest and arms, and a pair of jeans that you just knew did wonders for 'America's ass'.

You realized you were staring too long when a smirk grew on Steve's lips and you went to grab the coffee from him, but his hold on it didn't budge, bringing you closer to him.

"You smell nice," he whispered, voice low.

You gulped loudly and attempted to say thanks when you suddenly had the coffee in your hands and he sauntered away. You quickly shut the door and let your head rest on the door.

You had to get him back (get him back, what the hell were you thinking?) And knew exactly what to do.

A few minutes later, you walked out of your room towel-drying your hair and Steve swore his throat closed up right then and there. You were wearing your longline, push up sports bra (you had no idea why push up sports bra were a thing until right then) and a pair of high waisted jeans that sculpted your lower body perfectly. You sat on the couch next to Steve and began braiding your hair back, towel forgotten on the floor (you'd pick it up later).

You watched Steve from the corner of your eye as your back arched slightly, arms up, braiding your hair. You saw his eyes widen and had to almost physically stop yourself from smirking. You got to the point where you could keep braiding your hair by bringing it over your shoulder, and as you continued you looked over at Steve from under your eyelashes and you swear you heard him sigh.

(Maybe this was mean... Nah) your tongue darted out to wet your lips then softly bit your lower lip, looking around and settling into the couch as you finished off your braid. Steve still later there, body turned towards you and you giggled slightly when you realized he was working to control his breathing.

Flicking your braid back over your shoulder you leaned over to him and rubbed your thumb near his lower lip, "You had something there," you whispered, getting up to check on baby Scott, who has somehow perfectly timed his crying.

It had been over a week and they weren't any closer to getting Scott back to normal. By now, you and Steve were sharing a large apartment in the compound because it was just easier.

"How long are you going to keep this game up? I swear one of you should just jump the others bones- should have a long time ago, if you ask me."

Nat complained every time she had the chance, which was often, but she secretly loved having her very own entertainment- the last few years have been incredibly lonely.

"Well, no one asked you," you rolled your eyes as you continued bouncing. Bruce had gotten one of those baby wraps for you and Steve, said it was a late baby shower present. Scott loved it. You could just attach him to you, him facing the world, and you didn't have to physically hold him. "And I think I'm winning," you added, winning at your friend.

"Well no duh!" Nat called out, standing up. "Steve has been pining after you since you first joined the team," she whispered to you. "Put the man out of his misery," she added as she began walking off.

"Whatever, tiny Scott, I'm having fun and I'm winning, I don't care what the cranky lady says," you said as you opened the door to take a walk outside.

"Hey!" Steve called your name, running up to where you were. "You two going on a walk?" He asks, smirk present as you failed at not looking at his shirtless body.

"Yup," you replied.

"Mind if I join?" He asked his finger now in Scott's hand.

"I guess. Are you going to put on a shirt?" You silently cursed at the way your voice ever so slightly shook.

Instead of answering he grabbed the now shut door and you walked out.

The walk had been excruciating. Steve was basically perfect, even offered to take Scott from you but THAT you knew you wouldn't be able to handle. Shirtless Steve holding a baby?

Halfway through, Scott began to scream bloody murder. You stopped at a park bench and took him out of the wrap, checked his diaper, tried to feed him. Everything you could think of.

"Just hold him facing me, ok?" You nodded and Steve stooped down and began fucking singing baby shark, hand motions and all and Scott immediately chilled out.

Back at the compound after Steve put Scott down for a nap, he slunk in the couch right next to you, knees touching.

"I fucking hate that song," he stated, turning to look at you. "I had to watch that stupid fucking video so many times to get the hand motions right, oh my god."

You chuckled, agreeing before turning to him. "God, it's kind of hot when you swear," your voice sultry.

"Oh?" Steve said, his face getting closer to yours.

You could feel his breath hot on your lips when Nat burst in yelling your name.

"It's important. Come on!" She grabbed you by the hand and practically had to drag you out of there. When you were in the elevator, Nat burst out laughing.

"What is so goddamn funny, Natalia?" You asked, incredibly annoyed.

"I was watching-" she started trying to catch her breath, "the-the security cameras," she forced a deep breath thru her lungs, "and couldn't resist. You two have been driving us nuts, serves you right to get cockblocked." By the time she finished her signature smirk was on her lips.

You desperately wanted to be annoyed, but seeing Nat laughing like that- it was like before. Your eyes showed your emotions, and Nat caught it, recognizing what happened. Quickly, however, you were rolling your eyes and getting out of the elevator.

"Your welcome!" She called after you, teasing.

You flipped her the bird and heard her cackle.

Back in what was nicknamed, apartment Baby, Steve was picking up the baby stuff that littered the floor.

"What was that all about?" He asked, throwing another toy in the wicker basket.

You walked up to Steve and hugged him. His surprise faded quickly and he hugged you back just tight enough.

When you pulled away, he saw the tears trying to escape and his features softened.

You pulled him to the couch, and still holding his hand you turned to him.

"Nat was laughing, like, really truly laughing, Steve. It- it was like before when we would all play pranks on each other to blow off steam, and Nat- the goddamn super-spy and assassin would give herself away because she couldn't stop laughing right before the prank was pulled and it just...." you sniffed, and Steve gave your hand a squeeze, "I know we have, at one time or another, mentioned that we have all lost so much, it just, it hadn't hit me as hard as it did when she started laughing..." your voice trailed off for a moment before you found the words you were looking for.

"It hit hard when Buck was suddenly gone, for both of us. He became my best friend here. He grounded me in a way I've never known before. And, and Peter, god that kid has my heart- what I mean is, is that I've dealt with the grief of losing people I love. That pain is normal, constant. What I haven't dealt with is the fact that there are parts of us missing, those of us still here."

You didn't realize you were crying so hard until Steve wiped a tear away and pulled you into his side. You took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes for a minute.

"I, I don't know how to deal with this," you sobbed into his shirt.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you stopped crying when you heard Scott begin to cry. You tried to get up, but Steve stopped you, and you heard the song 'baby shark' begin playing in Scott's nursery.

"I got F.R.I.D.A.Y. to play it anytime he starts crying." Steve shrugged.

A small smile appeared on your lips before you shook your head and let out a sigh, pulling away from Steve.

"Whatever, though, right?" You started, and Steve's eyebrows crinkled together in concern. "We are gonna fix it. Everyone will come back and it will be fine. Whatever."

"No," Steve replied and your head turned sharply, almost mad. How dare he not let you be ignorant about feeling your feelings!?

He turned to face you, holding your face in his hands.

"It does matter even if we do succeed. Because even if they come back, there are parts of us that died with them, that we may never get back," Steve's voice was soft yet firm at the same time. Your name came from his lips like a caress to the cheek, "if you don't allow yourself to grieve this loss, just like the loss of our friends," he shook his head slightly, "our family, you are going to lose even more of yourself and I don't think I could bear watching that happen."

Steve placed a kiss on your forehead and the tears began falling again, this time though, you saw tears fall down Steve's cheeks too. So you placed a kiss on his cheek, wrapped your arms around his middle, and cried with him.

It was three weeks of the song baby shark. Three weeks of this stupid competition to see which one of you would get too horny and break. Three weeks of the luxury of being so close to Steve. Three weeks until Bruce could get the time machine working just so, to bring Scott back.

You place baby Scott in the machine gently and placed a kiss on his chubby cheek.

"I'm gonna miss you, you little bastard," you said, stepping back to stand with Steve.

"I think I will too, just a little," Steve stated.

Steve took your hand in his, something that had become extremely comfortable to you both that you didn't even notice.

Then, a few seconds later, Scott was back in his adult form and you were free.

You began packing your thing up from the apartment you were sharing with Steve when he came in.

"What are you doing?" Steve's frustrated voice carried to you from across the room.

"Well, we aren't parents anymore," you shrugged and got back to packing.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.," Steve said loudly. "Please turn off the security camera in the common rooms of this apartment, this is personal."

"Yes, Captain Rogers," the A.I.'s voice responded. "All cameras in apartment 'Baby' are now off."

Steve muttered a thanks before taking a few quick strides over to you.

"What was that for?" You asked, confused.

Steve looked you up and down and you remembered you were wearing a pair of boy short underwear and a bralette.

"You win," he whispered before taking your lips with his.

He kissed you like there wasn't enough time in the world. Like you were the only person he had ever wanted to kiss. His lips never left yours, his hands roaming your uncovered skin, pushing you back until your back met the wall and a moan left your lips.

Steve pulled back suddenly and you whimpered slightly at the loss. You looked in his eyes and swore he looked like he would eat you-

"God I could eat you up," he growled and next thing you knew, he had thrown you over your shoulder and you shrieked.

Steve only faltered when 'Baby Shark' began to play over the speakers. Frustrated (in more ways than one, you thought) Steve set you down on the couch and you rubbed your hands over your face. Just as Steve was about to tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. to stop, Scott burst into the room.

"You know, I weirdly love this song," he said smiling before leaving just as quickly as he had come in.

Once Steve had gotten the A.I. to turn it off and told it the song was no longer needed, Steve sat down next to you, his hand resting on your thigh.

"What a mood killer," you finally said and to both of your surprise, Steve burst out laughing.

You watched, confused, as his eyes crinkled and his hand went up and grabbed his chest and his entire body shook. When he finally calmed down, he turned to you and recognized the emotions playing across your face from earlier. His face began to show concern when smiled and moved so you were on your knees, straddling Steve's legs and you cupped his cheeks in your hands so that he had to look up at you.

"There you are," you said softly and a tear trickled down his cheek from the sudden mix of emotions moving from joy to a sudden deep sadness. You kissed the tears falling before placing a kiss on his forehead, another on his nose, one on his jaw, then placing a kiss on his cheek.

You pulled back, just enough to see Steve's face and you smiled. Steve gave you a soft smile before placing a kiss just as soft on your lips, then another and soon, he was kissing you somehow just as thoroughly as before, however, this time, he was taking his time. You felt goosebumps as his hands smoothed over your ribs, down to your hips where his hands rested, guiding you to sit in his lap. Your own hands moved from gripping the back of his head, one to stay, fingers threaded through his grown-out hair, the other gliding down his neck, over his impressive chest muscles, then back around to hold yourself as close to him as you could. Steve scooted forward on the couch and you let your legs wrap around his hips before he stood up, his hands pressing firmly into your hips and ass. 

He began placing open mouth kisses on your neck, biting down softly.

“Your room or mine?” you breathed and he chuckled slightly, walking into whichever room was closest and kicking the door shut with his foot.

[intobangtan]

Hii I got a request♡ could you do a bts react to their s/o growing up with a single parent cause one of the parents simply didn't want to take responsibility, maybe it could be their first time meeting their s/o parent idk. keep up the good work! :)

hey, I'm sorry it took me a while to post this bc I've been busy with work lately. But I wanted to get something up today sooo here is the RAPLINE only. If you wanted to read the reaction of a vocal line, tell me. I'll try to do a one shot.

But hope you enjoy this. ❤️

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SUGA

You tried to avoid Yoongi's stare as he watched you intensely.

"Why don't you tell me?" You heard the frustration in his voice. He was losing his temper.

He knew you hid something about your past and it was bothering him. You couldn't even remember how it got to this point tonight.

You came to your boyfriend's apartment and after you two had some takeaway, you decided to watch a movie.

You started to talk about some daily stuff but then somehow Yoongi asked you for the thousandth time about your mother.

You never talked about her. You had lived with your father for over 10 years and you had pushed the memories of the time with your mom far back in your mind.

She had passed away of an overdose. You felt ashamed when remembering how you found out three years after her death.

She had been taking them for a few months and stopped taking responsibilities in the household.

Tears formed at the corners of your eyes again, as a feeling of uneasiness hit you.

Yoongi lifted your chin up. He stared at you with a soft expression, a sigh escaping his lips.

"I'm here for you, YN and I'm only trying to understand." He tilted his head slightly, waiting for you.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You told him what had occured over ten years ago and your mother had an overdose one day. He waited for you to finish.

"I feel ashamed sometimes. I found out about the real reason later. I-" You gulped, tears building again.

"I always kept her well in mind. She was a cheerful woman as much as I remember and I can't believe how she did that. Lately she had been avoiding me, yelling at me every time she saw me and now all I can think of when I hear her name is the way she died and nothing else." Yoongi wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. He placed gentle kisses on top of your head, as he caressed your back.

"I think the way we die shouldn't be the only thing to define us. But the way we lived. If she had been cheerful all along, then your image of her shouldn't change. People make mistakes. You should forgive her. " His soft voice near your ear caused a slight shiver to run down your neck.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of talking about your mother, if she made you happy at some point in life. You should forgive her because I bet, she didn't want to leave you like that."

You smiled halfly, cupping Yoongi's cheeks. You leaned forward, pecking his lips. He smiled, resting his forehead against yours as he whispered words you took as a promise.

"I'll always be there for you. Even if others leave."

J-HOPE

You gasped when you saw the photo album in Hoseok's hands. You took it away quickly, putting it back in the drawer. You slammed the drawer shut, looking nervously up at your boyfriend.

Hoseok cocked his head, eyeing you suspiciously.

"What photo album was that?" He watched you curiously but you sighed, rubbing the back of your head with one hand, waving dismissively with the other.

"It's nothing special." But Hoseok wasn't impressed with your bad acting.

"Tell me," He reached for the drawer again. "I want to see how you looked like as a child."

"There are only like two photos." You tried to shrug it off but he was too eager to know. He tried to reach forward again and the both of you ended up wrestling. He had pinned you with your hands tied together in his grasp in a second.

You huffed, "Ok, fine." He released your hands and let you hand him the photo album. He was surprised to see that indeed only two photos were inside.

The first picture was a 2-year-old you, sitting on a couch, smiling lightly into the camera.

The second one is you as a new born in the arms of a pair that Hoseok couldn't recognize.

He had met your single parent, your dad, already. But these were strangers to him. He turned his head to look at you.

"These," You pointed at the 2nd picture. "Are my parents. My biological parents."

You bit your lip nervously. You hadn't thought that the truth would come out this quickly. Hoseok and you had been dating for only three weeks and you had successfully hidden the truth about your parents until now.

"I was adopted into this family. They gave me to an orphanage when I was about to turn three. I haven't heard of them since. After I turned eighteen, the orphanage sent me these pictures."

Hoseok was shook. He never would have thought you were an adopted child. For him you looked a lot like your adoptive father.

"But I love my dad." You explain quickly. "I'm grateful he took me in. I love him."

Hoseok smiled, hugging you tightly.

"I didn't know, YN."

"No, it's ok, I guess."

"It is! You have people that love and care for you. Biological or not. It doesn't matter. Your farther is so thoughtful of you and he is really cool. And I love you, too." He kissed you softly.

"I love you more than anything. You won't ever need anybody else."

RM

Your palms were sweating, when you reached for the door knob. You glanced over at Namjoon, your boyfriend, who couldn't stand still because he was too excited to meet your parent.

Today he would be meeting your mother. You had tried to delay this first meeting as much as you could but Namjoon's insisting was now too much to ignore.

You hadn't told him yet that your dad had left you because your mother was a drug addict. You pulled your hand back, looking at him. You thought about how you could explain the situation quickly before it would end up being a surprise for him.

"Joonie," You started, sighing. "There's a thing I need to tell you." Your boyfriend stared at you with a warm smile.

"I don't know why I never told you this but-" You stopped, feeling stupid. You had been dating for over 3 months and every time he had asked you a question about your parents, you had avoided him successfully.

But today it flared back. You had been dishonest.

"Baby, you can tell me anything that bothers you. I'll help you out and I would never judge."

You smiled, grabbing his hand.

"Expect, if you tell me that your parents don't like chocolate cake, then I'd lose it."

He said, lifting up the bag with cake in his hands.

You snorted, shaking your head. Then Namjoon remained quiet, waiting for you to say whatever bothered you and hovered in your mind.

"You know, I never really told you much about my parents." You started again. "The thing is that I only live with my mother. My father left us when I was five years old because he found a different woman and didn't want to put up with the problems my mom had." You looked at him, spitting out everything as fast as you could. You tried to decipher what he might be thinking but you couldn't glance at him for too long. You soon avoided his gaze, looking at the ground.

He lifted up your chin with his delicate fingers, a loving smile playing on his lips.

"Why do I feel like you're ashamed of telling me this?" He asked, raising his eyebrow slightly.

You smiled nervously.

"You shouldn't be. Life can be hard sometimes. You struggled but yet look what a beautiful young woman you are - in and out.

"I want to meet your mother regardless of her situation. I want to tell her what an amazing daughter she has and that I will love her daughter unconditionally, not caring about her past." A few tears rolled down your cheeks silently.

You were a fool to think that this amazing man would change his ways because of your parents.

You were a fool to think that, he'd dislike you. He was your Joonie after all, the smartest and sweetest man in Uni and the man that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world.

You got on your tiptoes, pecking Joon's lips.

"I love you."

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masterlist ❤️

[takemealivelh]

“Can we talk?”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8 | Part 9

Summary: Tension rises and explodes, unlikely

Word Count: 1.9k

Credits to @cal-pal-cuddles and @letsfuckndance and my friend who doesn't have tumblr bc they helped me edit this and I LOVE EM SO SO MUCH

It was official; my friendship with the 5SOS boys had been ruined.

I tried talking to them after the party, the days after that. I tried having a conversation with Ashton, a cigarette break with Calum, a laughing fit with Michael... I still couldn't look at him in the eyes. The pace of the shows sped up again. They were all local which, thankfully, meant less travelling during the awards season that had finally laid upon our shoulders. It meant I didn't have to share my everyday with the band, I could go home after rehearsals and hang out with the friends I hadn't seen since we all came back from tour. 5SOS didn't fire me, but they weren't hanging out with me anymore either, and I'd tried.

"I'm not gonna pretend I'm not mad at you," Ashton looked at me from the other side of the rehearsal room with a bottle of water between his hands. I disconnected the XLR cables from the patch panel as he spoke, my fingers trembling. I was nervous all the time, I couldn't help it. "But I thought you should know we've all been talking, alright? We want you to do our sound for the award shows."

It felt like a warm, red, embarrassing, proud heat was rising from the middle of my chest, spreading itself throughout my body, "Okay," I muttered. Ashton took a sip from his water and stood up with a sigh, I could tell he hated this whole thing as much as I did.

“We’re heading out now, we-” Luke’s voice came from the side of the room and when I turned my head I saw he wasn’t alone. “Hi,” he acknowledged me with a nod and awkwardly brought the girl closer to his waist, “this... this is Erin, I... I don’t think you’ve met each other?” The stutter in his voice was obvious, and I think she'd noticed. The girl smiled at me and waved shyly, I introduced myself from the uncomfortable crouched position I was in. While Ashton smiled at her and said something to make her laugh, Luke slipped out from the embrace and went to grab his jacket from a chair that was about an arm’s length from me. "We're going out for lunch but we'll be back in two or three hours."

I looked up at him as he spoke, not daring to move, still holding around 6 cables in my hands. His eyes laid on mine and held them for longer than a second. I could feel my palms getting sweaty, my throat closing. “Nice to meet you,” my voice broke when I turned my attention to the girl. She seemed nice, she had this radiant energy around her. I hated it.

Erin looked like the kind of girl I would've been good friends with in another life. She wore jeans and a PJ Harvey t-shirt and I thought she was so cool. It would’ve been so much easier if Luke had shown up with a bratty drama queen, someone who pulled his jacket every two seconds, demanding attention.

Seeing them together was hard, watching them have fun around each other was harder, because it was a constant reminder that I had that with Luke and now I didn't because I was the one afraid of being in a relationship. He had all the right to move on, be happy, find another girl who could give him what I couldn't. It didn't minimize the pain, though. The ‘incident’ had been fairly recent. Fuck, it hadn't gone even two full weeks when he had already started sharing flirty touches with her. Another two weeks and we got to see her more often, she would show up to rehearsals after work. Hair up in a ponytail, apron stained with small fingerprints, Erin would sit next to me and smile at Luke as the band went over the songs again and again for the performances. She would tell me about parent-teacher meetings in the breaks, and I would try to explain to her what an audio interface does.

"We're gonna go now," Luke would throw an arm around her and bring her closer to his body when the rehearsals came to an end, "see ya."

“He seems to be moving on fast,” I heard Calum say as they unplugged their instruments. “I thought he’d be still moping because… you know...”

Michael set his guitar down and pulled out his phone from his pocket, “seems fast but, I don’t know, man... Like, I mean, Erin seems nice.”

“It’s weird that she’s around a lot, though.”

“Yeah, but you know Luke. He can’t really stand loneliness, can he?”

I sank on the chair behind the mixer and cut the microphones, not wanting to hear any more.

Days seemed to be passing faster, Erin seemed to be around a lot more. Every time Luke kissed her lips, grabbed her by the waist and she threw her head back in laughter... every time she laid her head on his shoulder... it hurt.

"Maybe he's just trying to make you jealous."

"Why would he do that? He knows it won't work."

"Hasn't it?"

"He looks happy."

"Then maybe you should move on."

My friends were right, they didn't even know Luke but it seemed logical.

Keeping my interaction with the 5SOS boys to a minimum, I only spoke up when necessary, making a few suggestions that I thought could make the performances stand out. They weren’t as upset as they used to be, but we still hadn’t gone back to normal. "Can you brighten up the distortion in the mix, please?" Michael called out through the stage to where I was standing, I gave him a thumb up and adjusted the equalizer once again. It was around 4 pm when our sound check finished. Luke and Erin's laughter caught my ears as they walked past me to the backstage area.

"Listen, I like the mix but I need the kick a little louder in my..."

"Can we talk?"

Calum and I looked up from the several Post-Its we had scattered around the table, Luke was staring at us from the other side of the dressing room. It took me a moment to recognize which one of us he was talking to, but Calum knew right away. He patted my knee, which he hadn't done in a while, and left in silence.

"Hi," I put the pen down and stood up awkwardly, not really knowing what to do with my body. My hands found comfort inside the pockets of my jacket, "what do you need to talk about?" My words were soft and hesitant, I didn't know what to expect.

Luke remained quiet for what it seemed the longest time, he started a few sentences but kept cutting himself off. He seemed nervous. "I- yeah, what I..." he scratched the bridge of his nose with his thumb. It was surreal to think that now we had to be careful about our next words instead of just blurting out the first thing that came into our minds. I desperately wanted to go back to those days, I didn’t like this new dynamic between us. It didn’t feel natural.

"Is it about the show?"

"No," he shook his head. We heard a loud thud coming from the direction of the stage and the vocalist of the band started testing the microphone. I kept my body very still, uncertain of what could happen if I asked another question, if I tilted my head in annoyance... If Luke and I were having this conversation during another time, I would've rolled my eyes at him, "get to the point, Hemmings. You've been babbling for an hour now."

All I could do now was wait.

I watched Luke’s chest move with a sigh, he peeked his head out of the door and then closed it, giving us the privacy we hadn't shared since the party at Ashton's place. The familiar smell of his cologne hit my nose when he took a few steps closer towards me, his messy curls falling on his face as he debated his next words. It astounded me how easily I could read him. This whole anticipation was making me uncomfortable. "No, it's not about the show,” he said. "This is weird," a small laugh left his lips and he avoided my eyes, my brows scrunched in confusion. "No, okay, this was a bad idea. I'm gonna go now."

He turned in his heels and walked back to the door.

Fuck, Luke.

The awkwardness, the annoyance, the anger, all the words I'd been choking down for days now had seemed to surface in a matter of seconds. "Luke, oh my god, are you serious?" My face felt hot and my jaw felt tense. I twisted my fingers inside the jacket. He turned to me, eyes wide, lips parted. "I know I fucked up but these past weeks all I've ever done is to try to give you space. It's been like walking on fucking eggshells because no, wow everyone is so worried about you. Luke is so sensitive we need to protect him at all costs," I relied on my histrionic tendencies to get my point across, as I usually did. By now, all the words cascaded out of me, pouring relentlessly. There was no holding them back. Luke knew that stage of me well, maybe that's why he didn't try to interrupt me.

"The boys are mad at me, they won't talk to me, they won't even listen to what I have to say. I get it, alright? I understand that they're way closer to you, I get that. But seriously? It's been like a warzone. Always thinking of strategies, tactics. I can't say this to you, I can't look at you like this, god forbid I accidentally run into you. Wow, no. What happens if I need to tell you to turn the fucking overdrive down? All of you give me a look and I'm sick of it, Luke. I can't keep trying to protect your feelings, okay?" His gaze dropped to the floor, I knew I had hit a delicate nerve. "You knew- you know how hard I've been working, you know I care about the shows, but now I'm afraid all the time because if I say the wrong word you're pouting and you know what? I don't deserve that shit. It's not like your poor broken heart is lonely, you have Erin." Luke's attention seemed to spark up, but I didn't like the bitter taste her name left on my mouth. His eyes were curious and he took a few steps closer to me, as if he was scrutinizing me.

"She's around all the time and quite frankly that's really douchy of you, Luke. A month ago you were all over me, saying we could be great together. What now? I said no and you went home, opened a Tinder account and swiped right for the first girl you saw? Real mature. Does she know? Does she know you're using her as a rebound? ‘Cos we all know that's what she is, isn't she?"

I was out of breath, drowning these emotions for weeks had been exhausting, letting it all out was even more draining. Luke's eyes were still fixated on mine, but I couldn’t read them. His silence nearly engulfed every other sound in the room, the footsteps on the other side of the door, the sound check that was going onstage, my speeding heartbeat ringing in my ears… For the first time, I wasn’t able to know what was going through his mind, it both terrified and relieved me. I didn't move, my jaw slightly trembled when his body got even closer to mine. His hand reached for my chin, and his lips crashed into mine.

TAG LIST:

@brown-eyedshell @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @myloverboyash @hopeless-renassianceluke @dukesnumber1  @rip-lukes-balsamic @letsfuckndance @cal-pal-cuddles

I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I FORGOT THE NAME OF THE BLOG OF THE ONE PERSON WHO SENT ME AN ASK TELLING ME THEY WANTED TO BE IN THE TAG LIST

BRO I HAVE PROBLEMS

[bruhnushka]

what happened w the guy

so basically,,, *this is really Long btw

lets call the guy Sean. 

so i followed Sean on insta a couple months ago bc I thought he was funny and he lived in the same area I did. He was kinda famous (had 33k followers so I mean) and I kind of assumed wed never interact past his posts. Then one day he goes on live. I’m super bored so I click on it. He tells everyone there to ask questions that they find interesting. All the comments were “how big is your dick” and “what color are your eyes really” type beat. I thought that was the vibe so I put in a question I knew he wouldn't answer. I commented “Do you think the US was justified in Hiroshima?” It took a few seconds but he saw my question and his eyes did this thing were they like widened and like creased??? but anyways I remember that look bc that kinda started everything. He started going into full depth about the USA and our excessive need for sticking our noses where they don't belong and how much resources and money we waste on foreign aid and we were having a discussion and he was ONLY looking for my comment. there was a girl named Leah who kept asking him to say her name by spamming the comments section and he literally said “Leah. there. im blocking you now.” and deadass blocked her. this whole live chat thing happened for the next few days until around the fourth time. After he finished his live on the discussion of our gun laws he followed me. I was so excited and happy and at this point I hidden FALLEN for him, but I had somewhat of a tiny crush. Seeing his dumbass posts made me smile and go all butterfly-y in my stomach. Anything with his name in it (which was a common white boy name) also made me smile and go all butterfly-y in my stomach. Exactly 2 days after he followed me I was watching his story where he posted one of his dumbass tik toks he made when he was high. I started laughing so hard so I slid up, forgetting it was him, and called him stupid. By the time I realized I slid up on HIS story it was too late and he'd already seen it. He started replying and although it was awkward at the beginning it started to became more bearable, until we exchanged numbers and would text for nights. It had been about 2-3 weeks after I first commented at this point. Sean had been texting me like nonstop and would tell me that he loved talking to me and he wanted to meet. I hadn't really discussed anything relationship wise with him but I could feel myself getting whipped. Around the 5th week of talking we met up at a movie theatre, took some edis, and got smacked. It was so fun and we talked forever about everything and I ended up sleeping in his car. He drove me home the next day and he told me that we should hang out again, but didn't kiss me or anything. And we did, like every single week. He’d come to my rooftop and smoke with me and we’d just talk and laugh and sleep. By then it had been about 2 months and I was gone. I was literally completely head over heels fallen for him. There reached a point when he was in Vegas so I couldn’t talk to him so I missed him. I went on his main insta, that had no posts. I got bored so I looked into his tagged, and scrolled around. Then I found two things. number one was a prom post, but a collection of photos w him and a girl who's head was on his shoulder. the second post was all the way at the bottom, and was a one month anniversary photo of him and the same girl from Aug of 2018. My heart literally dropped and I immediately called my friends and told them. I assumed the worst, that he was in a relationship and was just playing with me. I wanted so desperately to believe that he was the most perfect person for me- smart and intelligent about all these topics that interest me, funny with the same damn sense of crackhead humor as me, and he was so hot. And the fact that he WANTED to hang out with me, and showed interest in me, I really let myself fall. I didn't talk to him for a few weeks, and by the time he finally texted me it was about 4 months since I first commented. Looking back at it, everything happened so fast. He texted me asking if I was ok. When I didn't respond, he drove to my house with food and weed and I sent him out. He left me a voicemail and a paragraph hoping that I was ok and if he could do anything. That really hurt me because I realized that he didn't know what he did wrong. After he left the voicemail, I decided I would tell him how I feel about him. It took me days but I eventually wrote a massive paragraph explaining everything I felt from the moment I met him until now, and why I didn't want to talk to him, and why I felt the way I did. I sent it, he read it, and gave a paragraph in return. to summarize, he basically said “I never meant to lead you on, I loved you but as a friend, I would never date you, I wish we could still be friends because you are an amazing person.” I told him we could, but I needed a break from him. He asked if we could meet for one last time before the break and I was so fucking vulnerable and desperate to spend time with him I said yes. He picked me up and we went to Lake Elizabeth and thats where I asked him, like an idiot, why he wouldn't date me. He told me, and I quote, “I don't really... fuck with your type of girls.” obviously I was confused, so I asked him wym. he kinda said “you know...” and motioned towards my body. He basically said he didn't date fat girls. He saw my face when he said that and he knew he made a mistake but it was too late, I literally just got up and left. I called my friend and asked her to send me an uber and it was just a mess, I was crying and about to scream and Sean was like finally getting up to chase after me after sitting there for like fifteen minutes but by then I left. I went home. About 2 days ago, 3 days after that happened, I was shamelessly stalking his page using another one of my accounts. He posts a black screen with a broken heart emoji, and then the next one was a paragraph ass post about why they broke up. I didn't want to read it but I skimmed it and i think it was something about how they were “too different.” anyways almost three hours after reading the post he hits me with a “wyd” and some random ass worm emoji we use ironically. I haven't responded still and don't plan to, although theres a part of me literally begging to talk to him again bc I know he wants to either date me or just play with me again and that part of me isn't even mad at that

so yea. that on top of so much other tings w my personal life and friends has literally made me so numb rn. like I wanna cry,,, but I can't

[bourbonbucky]

to the winds (away from the calm eye)

thorki, 3K words, unedited, E rating. posting to tumblr bc i don’t really like it?? but i finished it and i want to put it somewhere? eh, i’m just having one of those days where i don’t like how anything i write comes out. 

The night Thor was born a freak tornado wiped out three quarters of his hometown. He was born in a kitchen, the only home untouched in a three mile path of destruction. His home was the last home with power in a fifty mile radius of the storm. He was called a miracle, born of thunder, storm-breaker.

Thor would wail into the silence of the night, only sleeping peacefully if the sky quaked and the rains fell.

○

Priests hailed his birth at the local temple. A sign of prosperity for their future.

Thor’s first memory was walking up to an altar clothed in golden robes. He remembered lightning striking just outside an open window and laughing as everyone around him cowered in fear.

○

Thor never knew the name of his father and by the time he was eight years old his mother had passed from sickness. He stayed in the temple after that, raised by the priests of a dead god. They would whisper at night, desperate prayers even as they knew they wouldn’t be answered. Dead gods could not grant their favor.

Thor was angry. He didn’t know how to be anything but angry.

○

When he was twelve he began learning to fight, and the priests were proud at how natural he was. He grew strong with little training, invigorated by having a way to relieve the rage that had grown in him.

That was the first time he met the transient priest, Loki.

There were many priests that traveled, but very few who honored the dead storm god. This man came in with flowers and herbs, and richer offerings of good meat. The priests knew him, though some seemed fearful.

He kept his distance from the attendants and priests, but Thor couldn’t help walking right up to him during a meal.

The man’s bright eyes turned to him, so green they hardly seemed human. He tilted his head and offered the space on the bench next to him.

“What’s your name, little priest?” He asked.

Thor plopped down easily and began digging into the food he’d gathered. “I’m Thor. You?”

A dark eyebrow arched. “Were you originally named for the dead god, or re-named?”

Thor ate a piece of juicy meat he pilfered from a cook with a weakness for puppy dog eyes. “I’ll tell you if I can know your name.”

A look crossed the man’s face, taken aback for only a moment before it dissolved into a smile. “I’m Loki.”

Thor stopped chewing and stared at him. “Do I know you?”

Loki swallowed roughly, control of his face slipping for just a moment before he wrestled it back. “I’ll tell you if you answer my question.”

Thor gave a lopsided grin. “I was re-named after my mom died, but everyone called me that when I was born anyway. I don’t remember my other name.”

Loki hummed reached over to squeeze his shoulder. “I think the name suits you.”

The priests seating around them were staring openly, but neither he nor Loki paid any mind.

Thor didn’t bother asking his question again. Loki left the next day and that night Thor found a necklace under his pillow.

It was a hammer, intricately carved and heavy. The pendant alone was the size of his hand and the chain it hung on was made of thick gold links. Thor put it on and once he did he couldn’t bring himself to ever take it off.

○

The priests noticed the pendant, but said nothing. Thor found for the first time in his life that he could sleep peacefully on quiet nights as long as he wore it.

He asked the head priest when Loki would return.

○

Thor trained more heavily during the summers and filled in his wide frame as he neared adulthood. He built muscle with work and combat practice. It was an old tradition, but suited him well.

He got stretch marks across his biceps and on his thighs, faint lines of pink that faded to white. They stretched across his skin like lightning.

When a boy his age smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss, Thor thought about the priest who gifted him his necklace.

○

The quiet of his nights ended after six years. Thor dreamt, and nightmares took him. For the first time in so long he woke up screaming. He felt as helpless as a child again.

He prayed to a dead god with his name and felt hollow.

○

Loki found him splitting firewood one afternoon. It had been many years since Loki had come, and Thor was considered an adult by all rights now.

He thought Loki should have looked different. Older. All that changed was that his hair was longer. Now he seemed barely older than Thor, his face smooth and eyes bright.

His eyes fell on the pendant and he smiled. “Hello, Thor.”

“Loki.” Thor lodged his ax into a log and walked up to the priest. “How long will you be here?”

Loki looked off toward the small temple and hummed. “I'm not sure. I've nowhere to be in the next few weeks.”

Thor's face lit up, he couldn't hide his excitement. “Weeks?”

Loki nodded and a small smile curled his lips. “I’m surprised you still remember me.”

Thor touched the pendant that say heavy on his chest. “This stopped my nightmares for a long time. I wanted to say thank you.”

“You have nightmares?” Loki asked, eyes darting back to the pendant at Thor's chest for a moment.

Thor nodded. “Terrible ones. I only sleep well if there's a storm.”

Loki regarded him with a puzzled look. “Tell me about one of your nightmares, I may be able to help.”

Thor took a deep breath and tried to shake the nervousness constricting his throat. “Sure. The first I remember having is… very violent. Just to warn you.”

They moved to the cord of firewood and took seats, Loki at his right side.

“It's alright, Thor, I'd like to hear whichever you’re willing to tell.” Loki's voice was calm and it helped keep Thor even.

“Okay. I have this nightmare that my eye is getting gouged out. They’re also cutting open my belly with a knife, and I can feel it. I can feel them gutting me and ripping my eye out of its socket. I always wake up screaming and crying from that one.” Thor put a hand to his stomach and another to the pendant. “I'd stopped having it when you gave this to me, but it came back a few nights ago.”

Loki only nodded, his eyes steady on Thor's face. “Have you ever left this place?”

Thor shook his head. “I was born here. I'll probably die here.”

A gentle hand grabbed his and Thor looked at where Loki was touching him. His skin was cold as ice and Thor felt soothed after so long under the sun.

He met Loki's eyes and felt a bit unsure of himself as his stomach flipped.

Loki smiled. “You're an adult, are you not? What holds you here?”

Thor opened his mouth, then closed it. The temple existed before he was born and it would exist after. He had no family, no friends to speak of.

Loki took his silence as an answer, it seemed, because he was quickly pulling Thor to his feet. “I can take you anywhere, if you'd like. We can work through your nightmares and make them end.”

Loki's voice was animated, his eyes bright. It was infectious and Thor found himself smiling.

“Can we leave tonight? We'll make offerings to the dead god and leave.” Thor readjusted his hand to hold Loki's, his grip tight.

An end to the nightmares. He couldn’t imagine.

Something flashed in the priest's eyes for just a moment, then he was nodding. “Of course. We shouldn't forget the dead god.”

○

Thor knelt at the old stone altar with Loki at his side and knew that before this moment he'd never known peace.

○

There were traveler’s cabins all through the woods, and Loki found one just big enough for the two of them. The cot was overly small, but Thor had slept on the actual stone floor in the basement of the temple for making trouble as a child, so he could handle it.

The night was quiet, and Thor’s chest felt tight. Loki had given him a tea made from small, red flowers that was fast putting him to sleep.

His eyes slipped shut before he knew, his ears straining to focus on the sounds of Loki moving about.

Darkness came, and nothing more.

○

Loki woke him early in the morning, a steaming mug in his hands. Thor sat up with a slight wobble and accepted it with a grin and a quiet thanks.

They sat side by side on the cot, stealing warmth in the unheated cabin. Late summer was fading quickly, the fall approaching too fast for Thor’s liking. Winter didn’t have the right kind of storms to keep his mind quiet.

Though, with Loki, maybe it wouldn’t matter.

○

Fire consumed his skin, eating away at him. He fought through it, stronger than all of them. Then the moon fell out of the sky and Thor felt his heart stop. His friend, his dear friend was dying. He could hear screaming in the distance, and explosions. They hadn’t killed the demigod, and they’d wished they had.

Hands grabbed him, yanking him back. Someone screaming his name.

“Thor!” Loki?

Thor spasmed and fell off the cot, his chest heaving and body covered in sweat. He braced himself on his forearms and let his head drop forward as he struggled to breathe.

“That… was a new one.” Thor panted.

Loki grabbed his face and forced his mind to focus. Thor slipped one hand over Loki’s and closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch. Dawn hadn’t come yet, but he knew he wouldn’t get anymore sleep.

“It was a new nightmare?” Loki asked, gently pushing him to sit upright.

Thor nodded. “I saw strange things. I was on fire, fighting someone, and the moon fell out of the sky. I felt like, like I knew him. I was heartbroken and angry, and then I felt someone grabbing me.”

Loki’s mouth dropped open as he spoke, and he took several deep breaths. His hand was shaking.

“Are you alright?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded. “I know where I want to take you, but it will be a long journey on foot. It could take us months to get there.”

Thor swallowed, not overly thrilled about the idea of camping so tired from fighting his sleeping mind. But still, what was a few months if meant an end?

“This place, it can make the nightmares stop? Are you sure?” Thor reached out and grabbed Loki’s hand, drawing idle patterns in his palm.

Loki opened his hand to give Thor more room, his eyes rapt at the motions of Thor’s fingers. “I know it will.”

A small, tired smile pulled at Thor’s lips. “Then I’ll follow you.”

○

Loki showed him how to forage for the valerian that was used to make the sleeping tea, as well other herbs and roots that could be used for anything from cooking to medicine. Some nights, even without the tea, Thor didn’t have nightmares. His dreams were as intense, but filled with much different material.

A blush crept up his cheeks as he watched Loki sharpen a blade, remembering the dream that woke him that morning.

He’d seen Loki on his knees, dressed in gold chains and green silk. Thor’s cock was in his hands and pressed against his lips.

Loki looked at him and smiled and Thor forced himself to look away.

○

They didn’t find another traveler’s cabin by the time the sun was setting, so Loki had them set camp and create a makeshift shelter. The skies were clear, so there was little worry over rain.

Loki curled into his side in the light of the fire and Thor’s mouth went dry.

“You’ve grown into a beautiful man, Thor.” Loki grabbed his hand and brought it up between them, appraising with deft fingers. “Strong, as well.”

Thor turned his hand over so his callouses faced them. “You think?”

Loki laughed softly. “Well, I don’t say it simply to give you an ego.”

He clasped his hand over Loki’s, intertwining their fingers. “I always thought you were beautiful, too.”

“I’m flattered to have made such an impression. You only saw me once when you were a child, after all.” Loki’s thumb pulled away and rubbed against the side of his hand.

Thor hummed, a smile on his lips. “You know, you never answered my question back then.”

Loki made a soft noise in question.

Thor gripped his hand tight. “Do I know you?”

Loki’s thumb stilled, and Thor could hear him swallow. “You do.”

A breath passed between them before Thor spoke again. “Did I know you before you came to the temple when I was a boy?”

Loki turned Thor’s hand around and pressed it to his forehead, his eyes slipping shut. “I’d hoped these questions would wait until we were up the mountain. There’s so little I can explain down here.”

Thor eased his grip. “But you’ll explain?”

Loki nodded against his hand. “In full, I promise you.”

“Do you know the cause of the nightmares, is that why you know how to fix them?” Thor asked.

Again Loki nodded, this time opening his eyes and turning just enough to look at Thor. “If you can wait until we’re up the mountain, I will answer any questions you have. I wish we could do it here, but I lack the resources.”

Thor’s brows furrowed. “You’re not a transient priest?”

Loki smiled and lifted his head. “No, I’m not. But I’m the only one who can help you.”

It wasn’t an answer, not even close, but Thor took it. He remembered the first time he saw Loki sitting in the dining hall removed from everyone. The priests had whispered, fearful and reverent at once. They warned Thor not to get too close, but Thor never would have listened.

Loki’s eyes and face had drawn him in, beckoned him closer and closer. Where the priests kept several paces away, Thor felt compelled to get as close to Loki as possible.

Now, travelling with him, Thor felt the same compulsion like a moth to a porch light.

The sound of Loki’s breath lulled him to sleep.

○

As they neared the base of the mountain sleep was a luxury Thor forgot he ever had. He woke screaming more often than not. In his dreams he was gutted again, but unlike in his childhood, he felt everything. Loki kept his face carefully expressionless, a blank slate devoid of any tell as to what he thought.

Thor was angry all the time, the way he was when he was a child. His only release was hunting, so they ate well.

○

Months slipped by and Thor felt like he was nearing the end of his life. This trip would kill him if the lack of sleep didn’t do the job first.

○

Loki could hike longer than any man Thor had ever met. Even when Thor was close to passing out from exhaustion, Loki didn’t seem phased.

They made quick progress through the forests, but still Thor could barely sleep.

He laid in bed and stared up into the dark canopy of trees. Something was wrong with him. It always had been.

A gentle hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him out of his head. Loki laid down beside him and rubbed his scalp. Thor fell asleep in seconds and slept until the sun woke him.

Loki wasn’t next to him when he woke.

○

“This should be the last hike. We’re almost there.” Loki told him, grabbing his arm to pull him along faster. “Just a couple more miles.”

Thor nodded and ignored the burning in his legs and his lungs.

○

It was a temple. The place Loki had brought him to was an old ruin, ancient looking. Walls were carved into the mountain while others had been built out from it but since fallen. Thor’s mind was silenced on this holy ground. The moon above him seemed brighter, like it was calling to him.

He whipped around but Loki was gone.

“Loki?” Thor called, but received no response.

Thunder filled the air, lightning flickering through the clouds in the distance. Thor took a breath and thought he could almost feel the electricity inside himself. Buzzing, climbing up his spine, threatening to overtake him.

He turned back around, to see if Loki was there, but all he saw was the altar.

Wind pushed at his back, shoving him. Thor frowned and took careful steps to the center of the temple ruin. A raised dais had been carved into the floor. He could see in his mind where chisels would have broken away the stone to create this.

His legs carried him up the worn steps, moving ever forward to a tomb. The lid on top had writing he felt he should know, but couldn’t read. Inscriptions littered the surface of the grey stone, pictures and other carvings telling a story. It was about the dead god. This entire place was dedicated to the dead god. Thor could feel it in his heart the way he could feel it when the priests back home sang their praise.

He pressed his hands to the lid of the tomb and pushed with all the strength in his body. It slid away and fell to the ground, cracking in half from the impact. There was no body to greet him, no bones, no armor even. Just two weapons. A hammer and an ax.

Thor grabbed one in each hand and lifted them. Then his vision whited out and he fell.

Visions filled his mind. Memory, he realized. His memory.

The way the gods split among themselves and began to fight. How he had tried to stop it, tried to keep them united, tried to beat down the shadows of rage that overtook beings he’d known for thousands of years.

Then he lost. They gutted and killed him. Except. Right.

Loki had stolen his weapons, the last remnants of his soul. Thor had thought Loki had betrayed him, but Loki had saved him. Without these weapons he never could have been resurrected.

Thor opened his eyes and found himself on his knees in his own temple, electricity rolling over his skin.

Soft steps approached, and he turned his head to see Loki coming to him.

“Thor?” Loki said, his voice soft and uncertain.

Thor breathed and sent his weapons to their resting place safe in his own power, ready to be summoned again whenever he wanted. His heart beat in the clouds above, the rhythm playing out as rolling thunder. Loki’s eyes widened.

He stood and walked to Loki, wrapping his oldest friend in his arms. “You found me.”

Loki sobbed and clung to him, fingers digging into his reborn flesh. “I’ve searched for seven centuries.”

Thor pressed a kiss to Loki’s jaw, then another to his neck. “Thank you.”

They held each other, safe under the moon, safe in the temple, safe as their lips met and their bodies came together. Thor would never allow himself to be stolen from Loki ever again.

Every god who had betrayed them would know his wrath.