#I finally made a Tumblr post after all these years of lurking.

[lillingly]

beautifule profile pic.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Top 10 Things I Love About the QL Tumblr Community 2023

I'm loving everyone's end of year lists, and decided to make up one of my own.

I haven't been on Tumblr for very long and was originally just lurking. 2023 marks the year where I finally started posting, after I read a take that made me feel compelled to come to a fictional character's defense. (Saengtai, my poor little blorbo).

So in commemoration of my first proper year of active tumblring, I present what I love about this community (in no particular order).

(Side note - Technically I know this is still primarily a BL community, but I like to say QL because I am trying to manifest more lesbians for us.)

1) The Gifmakers

Y'all are a good 70% of the reason I joined Tumblr in the first place. There are so many show moments that I want to relive, but without having to search through videos. Sometimes I want to appreciate the aesthetics. Sometimes I want to remember adorable or goofy moments. Sometimes I just want to see cute boys eating each other's faces. Our gifmakers give all of that to us, with the addition of so much creativity and style.

There's too many amazing ones to mention everyone, but I have to shout out @sparklyeyedhimbo, because the way your brain works makes me so happy.

2) The expertise

The other part of why I joined Tumblr was to learn more about what BLs were out there and what I might be missing. And holy hell. Y'all are putting in the work. Not only lists and resources for finding all kinds of QLs, like these fabulous monthly breakdowns by @gunsatthaphan, but also amazing posts that add additional context, like @absolutebl's incredibly helpful breakdown of Asian honorifics. There is so much research people do, for fun! And then they share it!

3) The meta analysis

I frickin love reading people's takes and analyses on series. I love learning, I love seeing perspectives from people with different cultural backgrounds to my own, it's all so fascinating! There's so much context we can miss due to our own privileges, or lack of knowing about various cultures, or due to whatever bubbles we've been living in. People here are just so smart, and nuanced, and willing to reflect and think about things, and also push back at each other, but generally with respect (except when you call out the dumb shit you see, usually on Twitter or TikTok, where people are being reductive and dumb about gender and sexuality).

And I've seen a few takes where people complain about analyses, and say that the director/production doesn't do everything deliberately, and we're all reading too much into it. To which I say, eh, lighten up. How people connect to and relate to media has relevance beyond what was intended. The point is we get to think and discuss and learn and grow. That doesn't happen if we don't analyze.

Special shout out here to @respectthepetty because colors mean things!

4) The wild theories

The other side of the analysis coin, the clown cars y'all drive around in with the wildest of theories. I have happily climbed into an occasional clown car, and usually I am utterly wrong (*cough* Saifah *cough*). But it's a super fun ride. I love seeing how people's brains work. I love it when y'all are wrong. I love it when y'all are right. It's beautiful.

5) Immediate acceptance

I am one of those people who knows that I have a lot of good qualities, and also, always kind of expect rejection. Blame the childhood bullies, I guess. Anyway, whenever I delve into a new space, I still feel like a total dork that no one will want to talk to. It's kind of a fraught way to move through the world, but I manage.

Anyway, I started posting my thoughts as they came up, and people are just totally cool with it. People even follow me sometimes. Even my silliest thoughts and dumbest jokes get at least a couple likes. It's so validating.

And my very silly joke about gay mafia in Kiseki has over 800 likes. I feel very seen.

6) Mutuals

I still kind of can't believe I have any. This ties in to the dork feeling above, but seriously - they are soooo cooooool. They're smart and awesome and funny, and they somehow find me worth following back, which is baffling yet wonderful. I want to squish their faces and give them many kisses (if they're into that kind of thing).

7) The self-exploration

I really appreciate how it's become more talked about how a lot of people are discovering queerness through BL, because that is so the case for me. I think it's both that I was in a bit of a hetero bubble before, and also that I'm evolving a bit as I age. I had figured out I was demi, and maybe a little bit gay, before getting in to BL, but being in this community, and seeing so many of you share so openly and freely, has made me realize it might be more than a little bit.

Either it was a new realization, or being around y'all has made me more gay. Win win, either way.

8) The weirdness

I'm weird. Y'all are weird. I love it.

9) The thirst

So many in this community are thirsty as fuck, and as someone who is in that same condition, I love that it's not just me. There are not many places where I can freely admit how horny I am as a part of my general existence.

Here? I could post about wanting to lick some random BL actor's face, and it would get a bunch of likes and some tags like #lickable, and it's just not remotely a big deal.

Also the gifmakers understand this, and give us beautiful cuts of our spicy scenes. They are genuinely too good for us.

10) The communal watching experience

There is absolutely nothing like watching along with people in the community. It is so worth the torture of having to wait week to week for new episodes. Seeing the show trend, watching the theories fly fast and furious, or the way everyone collectively loses their minds over particular moments. In a world that can feel very isolating, it's a very warm experience.

So there you go. Thank you all for being you. Here's to another year of QL shenanigans and losing our collective minds!

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

-

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

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The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

-

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[kitkatt0430]

So big shout out to SquidgeWorld for the news update acknowledging and encouraging the use of the tilde relationship identifier for queerplatonic ships!!!

I actually had a bit of a hand in how this one came about, which is pretty fun. (Story time!)

So a few years ago the Character A ~ Character B format was introduced over here on tumblr to represent QPRs. There is a post I know I rebloged a few times buried on my main somewhere about this and I'll have to try to remember to dig that up later. And there was bit of a push to try and get Ao3 to officially acknowledge the tilde or at least for those of us who write fic there start using it in tagging regardless of official acknowledgement and see what happened. And, well, what largely seems to have happened is that the tag wranglers have let us use the tilde, but there's been no official acknowledgement as the Tag Wrangling page for relationships on Ao3 still only discusses the '&' and '/' identifiers. (If there was anything official said about it elsewhere, sadly I must have missed it.)

I started using the tilde... two years ago? I think? And went back to update some of my existing fics to add in ship tags with the tilde. I still made sure to keep the Queerplatonic Relationship tags because those are still the best way to find fics that have QPRs included in them. And I've seen a few others using the '~' out in the wild, but discussion about it kind of faded again. If you knew, you knew. And if you didn't... there was always that Queerplatonic Relationship tag.

Then, about a year ago, I signed up for SquidgeWorld. I'd never heard of it before (which is likely because I'm just not super active in fandom outside the niche I've carved for myself; I admit, I am a bit under a rock at times...) but Squidge been around in one form or another since 1994. One of the fanfic authors I followed was moving their works there and so I followed and did what I always do on new sites I'm curious about - I lurked.

Fast forward to more recently. Fanfiction.net that I've been loyally using as my backup fic location for years after leaving it as my main fanfic archive... it's getting buggier and more unstable by the year. I don't intend to pull my fanfiction off it - I will leave what's on there up until the site collapses in on itself - but the day is coming ever nearer that the bugs and lack of tagging updates will finally make cross-posting there entirely too much of a hassle. And much as I love Ao3, I don't like the idea of only having all my fanfic in one place. I've seen enough archives big and small get destroyed over the years that no matter how stable or permanent Ao3 feels... I'm more comfortable knowing my fic can be found in multiple places. (Of course, the biggest hurdle for getting my fics cross-posted in multiple places is... executive dysfunction.)

I started finally cross-posting to SquidgeWorld recently and honestly just didn't really think too much about it when bringing over fics tagged with the QPR identifier. I just copied over the Character A ~ Character B tags and hit post. :D

But admin-squidgie over there - who I believe is found here on tumblr using @squidgiepdx (hi! Thanks a bunch for the news post!) - asked me about the tilde usage and what that was being used to represent. So I responded with an explanation about how it was a relatively new identifier used because queerplatonic relationships aren't really well represented by romantic or platonic identifiers. And then admin-squidgie got back to me to let me know there'd be a news post soon about this new identifier type. Which was so awesome.

While the wrangling guidelines haven't been updated on SquidgeWorld to note the use of the tilde yet (and could take a while, I know official docs always wind up being the last thing updated), the news post really is a very big deal for those of us who like to write and read queerplatonic ships.

For those of you interested in cross-posting or moving your fanfic to SquidgeWorld, I do recommend the archive. I've lurked long enough to see that the community there is pretty friendly, the interface is a clone of Ao3's so it should be familiar to a lot of you and is easily customized to make it more accessible (or covered in rainbows if you prefer ^_^ ), and (as seen here) the admin over there is open to helping make the archive an inclusive place for all of us.

And with at least one fanfic archive both acknowledging and encouraging the use of the queerplatonic relationship identifier, it'd be nice to see information on that making the rounds here on tumblr again. I bet there are a lot of aspecs who don't know about the identifier but who would be glad to know it exists and start using it themselves.

[lovvecherrymotion]

everyone has been posting about their 2023 and how much jere and joker out have impacted their lives and i guess it's my turn now

this is pretty long and all over the place but... i have a lot to say, i guess

i'm a big eurovision fan but not to the point of watching all the national finals or preparties or anything. i'm pretty invested in it during may but prior to this year i haven't really gotten invested in any artists (at least not to this extent)

anyway, this year, for some reason, i ended up watching cha cha cha the day after the umk final and i was in love. i didn't even need to listen to any other songs - i knew right away käärijä was my 2023 winner. i decided to check other songs that were already out and... guess what other song i liked right away? yeah, carpe diem

and then the universe decided it'd be lovely if bojan and jere met and it fundamentally changed the trajectory of my year. their friendship made me so happy at a time of my life i was struggling so much in terms of mental health - and with their friendship, their music, their interviews, and the rest of the kä crew and joker out

i started lurking around tumblr again. i didn't feel comfortable enough to participate in fandom, but i did love seeing all the content and all the discussions everyone was having. i hadn't felt this excited joining a new fandom in... years, literally. and despite all the shitty moments i've had in 2023, both jere and joker out have helped me a lot and i've felt so happy thanks to them

when i got the ticket for the tavastia show, i spoke to non fandom friends, expecting them to tell me it was a silly idea to fly to the other side of europe just to see joker out (and potentially experience the next bojere reunion), but they all said the same - we haven't seen you this happy about anything in a long time. you should go. and it was one of the best concert experiences of my life

then i also booked an entire trip to dublin to see jere AND I GOT TO MEET HIM? and now i'm getting my first tattoo ever? and, sure, i also got covid for the first time in my life, but it was yet another AMAZING concert experience and one i'll never forget, both thanks to jere and everyone else i met in line. dublin will forever be in my heart. it's one of those experiences that seemed straight out of a fanfic and i can't believe it all happened to me

and finally, it was time to see joker out in madrid, which was a little bit of a birthday gift to myself. i was awake for 30 hours straight and i don't even know how i survived, but it was PHENOMENAL. i truly loved every second of it

after dublin, i made the decision to start being a bit more active around here and got to meet some more lovely people and... while i still feel a bit weird, because i'm not exactly the best at interacting with others and i often feel like i'm the kid who transferred schools mid school year and is still trying to figure out exactly how to fit in, i do love how wonderful this community is. our silly joint fandom has brought me so much joy and i can't wait to see how it'll be in 2024

i'm not exactly ending this year feeling great, in terms of mental health, and i've been feeling quite down about certain things both jere and joker out had helped me feel a bit better about - body image and my own writing being the two main ones - but i seriously believe the positive impact they've had on me will influence how i deal with this during 2024 and i do hope to get to a better place

i wish you all the very best and thank you for being a part of my wonderful fandom experience and making my days a little brighter 💖 and i guess this is a good moment to say that my messages/inbox are always open and i'm always more than happy to make new fandom friends! also, if any of you are going to milan, just let me know (and, yes, i'm still deciding on some more joker out dates for next year because i can't resist spending money on them, it seems 💀)

[isa-ghost]

hey it's the anon who asked what dr*m did,

I decided to do my own research (mainly cause I was curious) but... I can't find much? let me rephrase it - I did find the allegations from 6ish months ago, that he's going to court with one(?) of them, but that's... all? I didn't find the court's verdict, confirmations, or him admitting either... and any post or video I find has both the OP and the comments mostly on his side and believing that it's either not true or true but not grooming, even people who say they're not his fans or don't even like him.

so Im not sure if the confirmation didn't reach youtube or if I'm searching wrong or something?

but honestly while researching I realized that I cant stand him lmao, gotta agree with some comments I read - he made a mistake by showing more of his personality online, looks like any time he can handle a situation wrong/respond wrong he does it

so dunno, guess I didnt find the confirmation but at least now I don't find his old minecraft videos interesting anymore so theres that

Yeah he can't act properly to save his fucking life

Also I think most of the threads on Twitter and stuff that have all the proof he's guilty/etc is probably long buried, unfortunately. You could probably try to ask around saying you're trying to get the whole picture but tbh it's not a huge deal if you can't. You can try searching my blog but Tumblr sucks with that shit. The fact that this and his other controversies have been buried and lost to the void of the internet is typical white boy with a monstrously big platform shit so I'm not surprised. I never heard any details about court (prob for legal reasons) or a conviction either. All I know is there was screenshot proof from the victim that they talked, and Dr*m confirmed the screenshots were real but didn't say anything about other details. But those details literally can't be false if the screenshots & the shit said in them are true.

Anyway, as far as his other bullshit goes:

People found old kkk meme edits on his yt account through the wayback machine. More than once if I'm not mistaken

He has a history of defending himself using the r slur

He cheated "on accident" in a speedrun (the least important thing ever but everyone always brings it up)

He claimed he was going to donate all proceeds during pride month to lgbt+ charities & he'd do charity streams all month but never did

He defended himself about replying to haters, which would send thousands of his toxic stans after the person getting them doxxed/death threats/etc and he refused to address that it was irresponsible of him bc he was too entitled to immaturely clap back at the antis. Even other ccs, like B/itzel called him out about shit related to how he uses his platform irresponsibly & he unfollowed & shaded them like a bitch baby

The whole "accidental" copycat shit with QSMP/USMP and basically softcore stalking Q/uackity online.

His "apologies" for all of the above fucking sucked in multiple ways. And that's just 2021-Now shit I can remember off the top of my head, I lost my Twitter in May last year so now I get my info from people's posts about it on here or links to tweets.

Everyone largely suspects he spontaneously reignited d/smp lore & started the finale to cover up the groomer thing bc he has a history of doing smth "new and cool" every time he causes drama to divert attention and avoid accountability.

He's also suspected of suddenly rewriting the d/smp finale to paint his Irredeemable Abuser Villain Up Until The Last Stream as a sympathetic poor baby out of nowhere and wrote that his victim, c!Tommy apologized to him, which sends a HORRIBLE message about abusive relationships. T/ommy and T/ubbo have both subtly mentioned not liking the finale and that Dr*m had AWFUL communication during the last like 6+ months of the smp.

He also suddenly showed up in T/ubbo's chat lurking while T/ubbo happened to be mentioning he'd do his own research on the grooming situation instead of blindly siding with Dr*m and it was some shit out of a horror movie is2g, he suddenly dmed T/ubbo out of nowhere during it on discord saying they'd talk about it after T/ubbo wasn't streaming. Basically sounds like he was gonna bias T/ubbo about his innocence. Like he hadn't been in chat all stream long but SUDDENLY he was there the second the topic came up. But the d/smp ccs also can't say anything about the situation since it's a legal matter, so a handful of ccs have just stated/implied they don't support him other ways

He only quit MCC bc he threw a tantrum about how he couldn't practice for it but now that MCC island exists, people were getting better than him. He's habitually a sore loser about that kinda shit

He's got that whole weird "is he, isn't he" bullshit going on about him being lgbt. I personally think he's just catering to his stupid d/n/f shippers bc they like to truth their relationship & sexuality all the time and he's never explicitly said he's bi or smth. He's just vaguely been like "yeeeaahhhh I mostly like girls like 99% but maaaayyybeee I like guys idkkkk. 🤪" But he's also done that multiple times so who tf knows. I'm not gonna fully dismiss him & I understand no one including me is entitled to his specific sexuality, but he has garbage credibility on like everything so I'm neutral on the matter and find it hard to believe him

Not directly him related, but his stans went on a long and horrifying witch hunt on Twitter during the kkk ordeal doxxing, death threatening & harassing ENTIRE mcyt subtwts who spoke out against him and called him out on his racism, performative activism, shitty apology, etc. For example, I was part of S/neeg's subtwt and all my mutuals and me had to go private to avoid getting doxxed. It felt like being raided in some dystopian ass horror film. Entire subtwts were going private, panicking, paranoid they'd get outed & stalked & harassed by people just for condemning racism, raising Black voices, etc. It was borderline traumatic to some people, I know people who lost sleep over it bc they were so afraid.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head but the end of 2021 to early 2022 was a fucking nightmare between him being an immature entitled piece of shit and his stans blindly defending him and going out of their way to endanger people who rightfully opposed him.

[gt-ambi]

Greater and More Terrible

On a quest to slay a malevolent witch, a knight of the realm goes missing. Fearful of what fate may have befallen the knight, his squire, Elliott, sets off into the witch's domain in search of his master. The young man soon comes face to face with the witch herself and falls victim to a powerful curse. Reduced to less than half a foot tall and imprisoned in the witch's cabin, can Elliott find a way to break the curse and escape? Or will he meet his end and disappear without a trace in the shadowed depths of the forest the witch calls home?

Masterpost

Preface

Hello all! This is my first foray into the Tumblr g/t community, though I've been lurking here for a few years. I'm excited (although a bit nervous) to finally be posting something. I have a few other story ideas that I'm working on here and there, and I can't promise any kind of consistent update schedule, but regardless, my number one goal is to tell a decent story, so I hope you enjoy! I welcome any feedback, comments, criticisms, etc.

Chapter One: Alone

In which Elliott makes one brave, somewhat questionable decision and a few less brave, definitely questionable decisions. Running blindly through the forest is probably a fine thing to do, right? And what's that saying - always trust strangers? I think that's how it goes, anyway. *Note* - there's no g/t in the story yet, but there will be! I just gotta cook a little, first.

CW: General Fear, Pain, Embarrassment, Poor Survival Skills, and a Squirrel-Related Inciting Incident

Next Chapter: Coming Soon...

Word Count: 3,479

The food would last another day – maybe two, if Elliott was careful with it. After that, he would be in trouble. He wasn’t any kind of outdoorsman, and he was sure that a novice trying to hunt or forage in the witch’s woods might as well be asking to meet the gods of death. As the name suggested, a witch of great power and ill repute had supposedly claimed the forest as her territory, and Elliott didn’t want to risk drawing her attention.

If it came down to it, he supposed there was always the food set aside for Sir Geoffrey. On the other hand, if the knight came back and found that his squire had stolen from his pack… Elliott shuddered at the thought. That wasn’t an option.

He is going to come back, isn’t he?

It wasn’t the first time he’d had the thought since Sir Geoffrey left him here four days ago, in the clearing where they had set up their camp. The first day had been almost nice, aside from the general anxiety of being alone in a supposedly cursed (or haunted, depending on who you asked) forest. Days apart from Sir Geoffrey were a rare gift—a break from the insults and the so-called training that left Elliott with bruises more than anything else.

The second day, the peace of solitude gave way to the unease of isolation, but Elliott hadn’t been worried about Sir Geoffrey. It only made sense that finding the witch’s lair and slaying her would take more than a day, even after leaving behind the “dead weight”, as Sir Geoffrey had so kindly phrased it.

On the third day, as morning settled into afternoon with no sign of the night, the thought tickled the back of Elliott’s mind for the first time. Is Sir Geoffrey all right? He tried to push it down, to tell himself it was an irrational question. Of course, Sir Geoffrey was all right—he was a knight of the realm, a champion of the people, a vanquisher of evil! And yet, despite his efforts, the worry wormed its way deep into Elliott’s thoughts, repeating again and again through the rest of the day, until he dozed off into fitful sleep that night.

This morning, Elliott had been torn from slumber by horrible, shrill chittering. He woke with a start, sure that some awful beast of the haunted (or cursed) forest was descending to take his life. In his tired haze, he groped for his nearby walking stick—the closest thing he had to a weapon. Armed as well as he could be, he sprang to his feet, ready to fight for his life.

There was no monster to slay, no magical creature to fend off. The raucous noise came from a half-dozen squirrels fighting over, around, and in Elliott’s pack. He stared at them, almost disappointed, until one of them popped up over the lip of the pack with a chunk of bread. Then, in a horrible flash, Elliott realized they had been fighting over his food. He charged at the rodents, screaming and waving his stick wildly.

The squirrels scattered, but the damage had already been done. The rations that were supposed to last him another week had been ravaged. Elliott salvaged everything he could, but what hadn’t been eaten outright was largely inedible, trampled in the dirt or torn to shreds and covered in fur.

Elliott’s chewed on his lower lip as he considered the predicament. His leg bounced nervously. He already wasn’t thrilled about being in the witch’s forest, but he had taken some solace in the assurance of the camp—if nothing else, he had a tent to sleep in, and food to eat. But now, the camp didn’t seem like such a haven.

Elliott was once again keenly aware that the forest penned him in on all sides. The ancient trees loomed at the edge of the clearing like giants standing at attention. Their broad branches hung heavy with leaves and cast dark shadows on the forest floor. Elliott’s view of the autumn sky was reduced to a blue circle high above him and whatever flecks he could spy through the shifting red-and-gold canopy. Any other direction he looked, all he could see was the forest.

Surrounded by the sea of trees, low on food, and with no sign of Sir Geoffrey, Elliott suddenly felt very small. That was hardly new – even at eighteen years old, he stood only five-foot-four, and he had a young face. When combined with his baggy tunic, which he’d owned since he was fifteen and still thought he would grow into it, Elliott appeared younger and smaller than he was, and people often treated him as less than significant. But where people were might be rude, or even malicious, the forest felt hungry. Elliott didn’t feel denigrated or offended—he felt hunted.

“Okay,” he said aloud, as if breaking the silence would ease the panic rising in his throat. “What options do I have?” He would make a list, that’s what he’d do. Lists were good. Lists made order out of chaos. Lists let you look objectively at a situation. A list would help him find the right course of action.

“Option one: starve to death.”

No! Idiot! He shook his head. Not an option. Try again.

“Option one: stay here and keep waiting. It’s not like I have no food left. Maybe I can stick it out for a while longer. I mean, Sir Geoffrey could be on his way back right now, for all I know.”

Assuming he’s coming back at all, his brain added helpfully. He tried to ignore it, but it had a point. If Elliott waited, and Sir Geoffrey didn’t come back, then he’d be in a worse situation than before.

“Option two,” he continued. “Try to get out of the forest. There’s that village we passed before—if I can make it there, then I can resupply and…” He trailed off. And what? He asked himself. Come back and wait some more? That wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, if Sir Geoffrey was coming back, it would probably be soon. If he wasn’t coming back, then he was either in serious trouble, or he was dead—and the more time passed, the more likely it was to be the second possibility. So that wasn’t an option either, which only left…

“Option three.” Elliott’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. He didn’t want to say it. If he said it, it was real. If it was real, he’d have to do it. He really wished he didn’t have to do it.

“Option three,” he repeated. “Go looking for Sir Geoffrey myself.” It was a horrible idea. Elliott wouldn’t stand a chance against anything that Sir Geoffrey couldn’t handle. What’s more, if the knight returned to camp while he was away, Elliott wasn’t certain that Sir Geoffrey would wait for him to return. Even so, Elliott had a responsibility to uphold. If Sir Geoffrey might be in trouble, Elliott was honor-bound to at least try to help him.

Elliott groaned loudly and started to gather his things. Sure, he was probably walking straight into certain death, but he might as well be prepared in case he wasn’t. He couldn’t carry everything, though. He’d have to make some choices. The food would come with him, of course, both his own and Sir Geoffrey’s. The tent would have to stay, and so would one of the bedrolls—trying to strap both to his pack threw off his balance. His walking stick was invaluable, as it would at least give him a chance to try and protect himself. The cookware was too heavy and took up too much space, so it had to stay as well. The rest of the space in his pack was claimed by the tinderbox, an extra water skin, and the emergency supplies—bandages and such.

When he was done, Elliott slung the heavy, wood-framed bag onto his shoulders and picked up his stick. He stood at the edge of camp and looked out into the forest, at the gap in the trees where he had last seen Sir Geoffrey.

Is this really a good idea? Elliott thought. Part of him wanted nothing more than to turn around, go back to the tent, and pretend like nothing was happening. No, he decided, this is definitely not a good idea. But I don’t have a choice. He gritted his teeth. He could do this. He had to do this. He took a deep breath and, on shaking legs, strode away from the camp, into the depths of the forest.

~~~

A few hours later, Elliott found himself deeply regretting his choice. The gnarled, twisting branches of ancient trees reached toward him from every angle. They caught and tugged at his clothing and pack as though trying to pull them into their embrace. Though Elliott knew the sun must be nearing its zenith, the shadows seemed darker than ever, and heavy as pitch where they settled in the brush. The undergrowth hissed with the passage of dozens—no, hundreds, or even thousands!—of unseen creatures. In Elliott’s mind’s eye, each rustle marked a monster fouler than the last.

His breath hitched painfully in his chest. His aching eyes begged him to blink. His knees threatened to give out from beneath him. He couldn’t stop himself from trembling. Even so, he kept moving.

This is what a knight must do, he thought. A knight must not quail in the face of their fears. He repeated it over and over, clinging to the thought like flotsam after a shipwreck. It bobbed and tipped in the sea of Elliott’s fear. If it sank, there would be nothing keeping Elliott apart from the great, dark terror below—the truth he was doing his best to ignore. The truth that however awful the forest was, the witch, greater and more terrible than anything in her dread domain, was waiting at the end of Elliott’s quest.

He stopped briefly, giving into some of his body’s demands. He leaned heavily on his walking stick, blinked the tears from his eyes and shifted his pack to sit more comfortably on his shoulders. When he was ready to move again, he looked up.

Something looked back at him.

A pair of predatory eyes, pale green tinged with yellow, gleamed dimly from within the brush. Elliott’s instinct took over; almost before he knew what was happening, he was running. The branches which had tugged at him before now struck him as he rushed past, carving bright, hot lines across his face. He threw his free arm up to take the worst of it. It cost him his vision, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care where he was going as long as he escaped whatever lurked the darkness.

Fate, it seemed, had other plans for Elliott that day. At that moment, his foot landed wrong. Caught in the thicket at full speed, he pitched forward with a crack. Blinding pain shot through his lower leg. His shoulder slammed into the trunk of a tree and he caromed off it, crashing to the ground and rolling through the brush. It almost slowed his momentum enough to keep him from going over the edge. Almost.

The half-second of freefall nearly stopped Elliott’s heart. He landed hard on sloped ground, finding no reprieve from his agony as he continued to roll, now careening down the side of the steep hill. The stones and vegetation littering the hill did little to slow him. Every bump sent waves of pain through his body, radiating out from his leg. It was less painful when he rolled over top of his pack, but only just. The objects inside rattled and the wooden frame creaked ominously. His walking stick caught fast on something and was torn from his hand.

Elliott tucked his head to his chest. It was all he could do. Tears streamed down his face. He was dimly aware that he was screaming. Gods, please, he thought desperately. Please save me. Please let it stop.

As if in answer to his prayers, the base of the hill appeared beneath Elliott. The slope flattened, suddenly and jarringly, to level ground, and Elliott came to a shuddering stop on his side.

His head spun. His ears rang. His eyes and throat burned. His leg throbbed with pain as bad as he had ever felt. Every inch of his body hurt. His breathing was ragged, and his heart pounded as though it were trying to break through his ribs.

The outside world was lost to Elliott—his body’s misery commanded his attention. Time was likewise a mystery. He didn’t know how long he lay on the forest floor, wracked with pain. It might have been mere moments. It felt like hours.

After some time, the pain began to subside. Elliott’s breath steadied. It wasn’t so bad anymore. Even the stabbing agony in his leg had dulled to a sharp ache.

“Are you all right?”

Elliott flinched at the unfamiliar voice. He hadn’t realized he was no longer alone. Who were they? How long had they been there? Elliott stiffly uncurled and raised his head.

A woman crouched at Elliott’s side, brows deeply furrowed over amber eyes filled with concern. One hand rested on Elliott’s knee. The woman appeared to be around thirty, though life had apparently spared her the common ravages of disease and injury, as her smooth, olive skin bore no scars that Elliott could see, pox or otherwise. Her thick, dark hair was swept to one side and curled past her shoulders. The sleeves of her simple, cream-colored blouse were pushed up to her elbows, and mud stained her deep green skirt at the knees.

“Are you all right?” The woman asked again. She spoke softly, but her voice was steady and strong, and it flowed like warm honey. It might just have been the relief of seeing another person for the first time in days, but Elliott found something about her voice reassuring.

“Ah, y-yes,” Elliott stammered. He scrambled to his feet, wincing as he put weight on his injured leg, and looked himself over. A few cuts here and there, a few bruises, and of course, his leg still hurt, but aside from that (and his fresh coating of dirt and leaves), he was basically intact. “I’m all right, I think. Mostly. That is, I’m more or less all right. Still in one piece, anyway.” He mentally kicked himself. Stop rambling! “Thank you for asking,” he finished lamely.

The woman stood as well. To Elliott’s surprise, she was a few inches shorter than him. He didn’t often meet many people who were. “I’m glad to hear it,” the woman said with a smile. “That was a nasty fall.”

Elliott’s face flushed, and the tips of his ears burned. “Oh. You… you saw that?” It was one embarrassment after another.

“I heard it from the trail,” she said, and pointed away from the hill. Beyond the trees, a narrow path of worn dirt wound through the forest. A lidded wicker handbasket sat on the side of the path. “It was a bit of a shock at first,” the woman continued. Her smile grew slightly mischievous. “I was worried there was a banshee haunting the woods. Of course, banshees don’t make so much noise outside of the screaming, so I realized that couldn’t be it and came to take a look.”

Elliott’s flush deepened at the joke. Gods above, she must think I’m an absolute idiot. “It seemed worse in the moment,” he said by way of an explanation. “Really, I’m just grateful I didn’t get more badly injured.”

“Small blessings,” the woman said. Her eyes sparkled like she was holding back laughter.

What was funny about that? Elliott wondered. The thought was quickly pushed aside by a sudden realization. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ve been so rude! I haven’t introduced myself yet.” He brushed the front of his clothes as best as he could and gave the woman a small bow. “Elliott Weathersby, at your service, ma’am.”

The woman shook her head. “If you’ve been rude, then so have I. Please, call me Laurel. No need for the ‘ma’am’, either. I’m no more a lady than I am a king. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Elliott.

“The pleasure is mine, m—” Elliott caught himself. “Laurel,” he corrected, somewhat sheepishly.

This time, Laurel did laugh. Elliott could tell it wasn’t mean-spirited, but his meager pride felt the blow anyway. He felt foolish a lot of the time, but right now, he may as well have been a court jester.

“Well,” Laurel said, “now that we’ve officially met each other, I have to ask—how did you end up in a heap at the bottom of a hill this deep in the forest, anyway?” She looked bemused. “I don’t usually see anyone out here at all, let alone in the…” She tilted her head and waved a hand vaguely in his direction. “…state you seem to have found yourself in.

Elliott scratched the back of his head and glanced away. “It’s a bit of a long story,” he said, determined to not appear more foolish than he already did. “To put it briefly, I’m looking for my traveling companion. He went off on his own a few days ago, and I haven’t seen him since.”

Laurel frowned. “Rather inconsiderate of him to wander off like that. What does he look like? It’s possible we’ve crossed paths.”

“You would probably know if you had seen him. He’s a knight, after all.”

If Elliott had been more alert, less weary, or less distracted by his lingering aches and pains, he might have noticed the momentary pause before Laurel responded. He might have heard the slight change in the tone of her voice as she asked, “A knight?” He might have remembered Sir Geoffrey’s warnings to be wary while in the woods.

But he wasn’t. And he didn’t.

“Right,” he nodded. “Armor, sword, steed, all of it. The very image of chivalry.”

Laurel folded her arms. “Except for the part where he left you alone in the woods.”

“No, no, that’s different!” Elliott assured her. “He has a very important job to do. I’m just a squire, and a poor one at that. I would have just been in the way, so it was for the best.”

“Hm.” Laurel didn’t seem particularly assuaged by the explanation. “In any case, I haven’t seen any knights. That being said, I did find a horse wandering in the forest yesterday. Could it be your errant knight’s?”

Elliott’s stomach dropped. He tried to stay calm. Maybe it was just a coincidence. “Was it a white mare?” he asked. “Did the saddle pad have crests of roosters on either side?”

“It was a white mare, yes, but she didn’t have any kind of tack on when I found her.”

Elliott’s concern grew. “None at all? No saddle, no reins, no bit or bridle?” He could feel his worries rising, like a pot about to boil over. “Did she have any distinctive markings, or a brand, or anything like that?

“I’m not sure…” Laurel tapped her chin and thought for a moment. She snapped her fingers. “How about this? My home isn’t far from here. Why don’t you just come with me and see her for yourself.”

Elliott nodded. “I would appreciate that very much, thank you.” The sense of relief that had been growing over the course of the conversation had all but shattered. His mind raced, conjuring up all the most horrible, gruesome things that might have happened. The only thing keeping his anxiety from becoming panic was the possibility that it was a different horse.

“Then let’s not waste any more time,” Laurel said. She walked back toward the path. “Follow me.”

At the side of the path, Laurel stooped to pick up her basket. “I can carry that,” Elliott blurted. Laurel looked at him quizzically. “Not that you need me to,” he added hastily. “Just that—well, my mother always told me that one good turn deserves another, and you’re helping me, so I—I should help you, if I can.” “I suppose I won’t say no, if you’re so eager to offer,” Laurel said with a shrug. She raised a warning finger. “But let me know if your leg hurts too much, and I’ll take it back. There’s no need for you to overtax yourself."

“I will,” Elliott agreed. She held out the basket, and he took it. The damp, earthy scent of mushrooms rose from within.

“All right, then.” Laurel turned and set off down the trail. Slinging the basket over his arm and into the crook of his elbow, Elliott followed.

[tarabyte3]

I'm 36 today.

I feel much better than when I turned 35 (2022 was a nightmare). Because I worked really hard to leave it better than it started.

- I've written ~160k words of fanfiction in the past 8 months after not writing or publishing anything in years (even though I've slowed down a bit compared to a few months ago 😅). I still have a lot more to write and post!

- I stopped my decade of lurking here and started this Tumblr in November. I'm 1 follower away from hitting 100 followers. Which isn't a lot and not important, but for a small blog like mine, it's a pretty exciting milestone considering I never expected to hit 30. Through it, I made new friends that are all wonderful, talented, funny, and sweet to add to the other online friends I have that are wonderful, talented, funny, and sweet. 💖

- I got to meet Andy Serkis!! And I get to meet him again in Chicago a week from today!! 😍😨

- I got back to working out and I'm in fantastic shape. I have muscle definition in places I've never had muscle definition before (I have triceps and bitty abs!), and I'm feeling strong and confident. I feel like ME, which is a beautiful feeling. And I've worked my ass off for it! Though I also have to give credit to my personal trainer, who has put up with my whining and sarcasm with equal amounts of sarcasm and sass. Bless his heart. Actually don't because he's mean to me and makes me do pull-ups

(I'm going to brag for a second, but seriously look at this bicep)

- Finally, one of my insanely talented friends made me a beautiful painting as a gift for my birthday and it's one of the best gifts I've ever gotten. It's a parody of classic romance novel cover, but with myself and Andy instead. I scream everytime I look at it. 😂🥰

[CW: shitty parents, family trauma]

- Unfortunately my birthday has also sucked because my mother forgot. Again. I should be used to it at this point, but it still hurts every year. Most of my family forgets (except my lovely grandmother and aunt) and this year was no exception there, either. I frequently feel left out and forgotten, and lacking that familial support structure and love. Except when they need me to be the mediator or to fix something for them (yay eldest daughter syndrome!). But once that's done, I go back to existing in the background.

I'm grateful to have wonderful friends, in-laws, and a husband to remind me that I am loved and important. 💖

So here's to 36! I'm going to continue to get hotter and cooler and weirder out of spite. 😌

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! This is Izzy and Malice and we’ll be your hosts today. 

Here with us today is the one and only @whumpsday!

Let’s start with a fact or two about yourself!

My name is Mill and I’m 26! Aside from the whump hobbies of writing and roleplaying, I also play TTRPGs. (My favorites are everything in the Awaken Realms catalogue: Etherfields and Tainted Grail, and I’ll start ISS Vanguard after I finish the Etherfields expansions. Gonna start Vampire the Masquerade soon too.) I haven’t played any roleplay-based TTRPGs like D&D yet, but I’d love to someday. My favorite color is red and my favorite animal is the cat.

That’s sweet as! What does whump mean to you? 

Creative content involving characters’ pain would probably be the broadest definition that still includes everything. I consider it a subgenre of horror, with the added bonus of often showing the gritty recovery from the trauma.

And how did you find the whump community? What made you want to join? 

I originally found whump fiction on AO3 while browsing G/t content (Giant/tiny, content for characters with size differences, such as one being 4 inches tall. It’s the other niche art/writing community I’m in.) That led me to tumblr, and here I am! I’d always enjoyed whump-type content as far as I can remember. I lurked for a couple of years before finally making an account and joining because I was eager to share the stories of my daydream characters.

Do you think the way you view whump has changed since joining the community here? 

It hasn’t changed much! Always been an OC writer and still am. But I’ve only been here for a year and a half.

Now the important questions: what is your favourite whump trope?

My favorite whump trope is probably an immortal whumpee. With a human, you’re bound by the constraints of a human body. People die if you torture them too much. But if your whumpee is immortal, that goes away and the possibilities are limitless. Bonus if they’re a generally-despised species like a vampire or demon.

Immortal whumpee are so good! Endless possibilities equals endless whump! Would you like to share some of your writing with us?

My main series, Kane & Jim, is undoubtedly my favorite. I never thought I could be a writer, and I’m proud of myself for writing 50 chapters of that and counting. Within that, my favorite piece is either Hunger (#15) or Papercut (#17). Link: https://whumpsday.tumblr.com/post/709301997070909440/kane-jim-masterlist-writing-order-click 

Love the authors notes on Papercut #17! What's your writing style like?

I generally write in the late night (anytime from 11pm to 4am) in big blocks. I do not eat or listen to music, and have a water bottle nearby. I used to write very regularly but have since fallen off, and have just recently gotten back on track.

Is there an easy thing for you to write, something the words usually flow for? Is there something you struggle with writing? 

I always find it easier to write single-scene chapters with no cuts. I find it more difficult to write things spanning long lengths of time with time skips abound.

And are you working on anything at the moment? 

I am currently working on my pieces for the Whumpmas in July event (@whumpmasinjuly), which will be half Kane & Jim works and half one-shot short stories.

I’m so excited for Whumpmas in July, it’s such a cool event! Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?

I’m not too good at jokes, so instead have my favorite cat video of all time for a smile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rELs4jl64k 

Aww kittens! That’s definitely a smile from me! Is there any writing advice you’d like to share?

You don’t have to write everything in order. If something in a piece is giving you trouble, slap a “COME BACK HERE” label on it and move on to something the inspiration is flowing for.

Finally is there anyone you’d like to mention?

Sorry this is a lot… I have too much love in my heart <3

@anomalys-taxonomy, @blackberry-bloody, @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night, @emmettnet, @lost-in-labradorite-halls, @lumpofwhump, @not-a-space-alien, @obsessedwithegos, @oddsconvert, @pardonmekreature, @quietly-by-myself, @t0rture-me, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @whump-queen, @whumperstorm, @whumpshaped, @whumpwillow, @wolfeyedwitch, @whumpy-writings, @whumpzone

Any last words?

i forced myself to use proper capitalization for this interview but i’m a lowercase guy at heart

Thank you so much for joining us today! It was great to have you on the show!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[gallavichthings]

Writer's Spotlight - Rita

This interview is long overdue and has been long in the making! I'm super pleased and excited to finally present a friend and my right arm on this blog, Rita aka @sickness-health-all-that-shit aka whatyouandihave on AO3, author of Lifeline, Possiblities, Short&sweet and several other fics, and some great gifs too!

R: I grew up in a small-ish town, dreaming about going to university, finding a job I loved, and living on my own with a cat as my companion. I'd say my 13-year-old self would be pretty happy with how my life turned out! I've always been into tv shows and films, plus languages and literature (that's what I mainly studied at uni) and I've managed to find a job that combines those things, which is the absolute dream! I translate and adapt lines into Italian so that dubbing actors can replace the original dialogues of movies, tv shows, documentaries and the like. Besides reading and writing and watching shows, I love travelling, enjoying good food and spending time with my family.

GT: Oh, that's a great job! It looks like you're living your dream, and I'm very happy for you! I assume you must watch all kinds of shows for your job, but what do you watch in your leisure time?

R: Yeah, for work I've had to watch plenty of children's cartoons, anime and lots of unscripted programs like reality television, cooking competitions and things like that. All stuff I would not watch in my spare time 😁 Some of my favourite shows are Btvs, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, The Office, Outlander, Derry Girls, Peaky Blinders, Dexter and Shameless. I also watch a lot of British comedy panel shows (Taskmaster, QI, Big fat quiz of the year etc) and stand up comedy.

GT: Oh, some of my favorites on this list! Do you read/write fics for these other fandoms as well?

R: Nope! I actually came to fanfic pretty late, despite all the years spent lurking in fandom spaces. I only really started reading fics about 4 years ago, and that was after the Ian and Mickey prison reunion, having binged the first 8 seasons of Shameless a few months before that. I had read a couple fics for other fandoms over the years, but I honestly wasn't that interested. I was content with just rewatching the shows I loved and maybe making up my own headcanons, but nothing more. I guess you could say Ian and Mickey have made a fanfiction convert out of me!

GT: What was it about them that you think made you want to write your own fics, especially coming into the fandom late, as you said yourself, when there were already a lot of fics written.

R: Honestly, it just looked like so much fun to play around with them and all the themes you could explore through their story. When I first started reading fics, it opened so many avenues in my mind (I was so convinced I wouldn't be into AUs at first. Wrong!) and I was also reading tons of meta that had been posted on Tumblr over the years, which I had a lot of thoughts about. I think part of it was about needing a creative outlet at that point. I hadn't really written fiction before, and definitely not in English, but I think I'd always wanted to try and write stories. Building a world and creating characters from scratch would have been way too daunting, but playing around with my Ian and Mickey 'dolls' was instant, cathartic fun. There's just so much potential there, so much history and emotional depth to these characters and their love story that keep me coming back to them over and over.

GT: Do you tend to write more from Ian's or Mikey's pov?

R: I alternate a lot depending on the vibe of fic, but I guess maybe Ian's? The longest multichapter I have up is almost entirely written in Ian's pov, and one fic I'm writing at the moment that's gonna be longer than my usual is also from his pov. I have a lot of fun with Mickey's, but I really love exploring Ian's inner world in depth.

GT: What do you consider your forte when writing fic, the thing that comes to you more easily? And what do you struggle with sometimes?

R: I love writing dialogue the most, and I think I'm pretty good at making it sound in character for them and nailing their voice. I definitely struggle with descriptions and maybe pacing. I'd love to write a slow burn but I don't think they're for me. I get too impatient lol

GT: What kind of fics do you write the most? 

R: I mostly write one-shots, but hope to work on more multichapters in the future. I've also posted a series of short ficlets. Lots of fluff, some angst, though always with a happy or at least hopeful ending. Maybe someday I'll try my hand at some smut? Who knows. A lot of my fics tend to be either canon compliant fill-ins that expand on canon scenes or different first meeting AUs, especially meet-uglies. I also like including Mandy and exploring her friendship with Ian and sibling relationship with Mickey. I love writing banter and sprinkling in humour in my fics.

GT: I'm a huge sucker for meet-uglies! Which of your fics are you the proudest of?

R: Oh, the one I'm most proud of has got to be The stranger in my brother's bed. It was my first stab at a multi-chapter, my first AU and a chance to play around with different POVs and an unfolding plot. It's also still my most popular fic to date. It's very sweet and fluffy and warm. When it comes to one-shots my favourite I've written is probably Unexpected, a dialog-heavy meet-ugly with lots of banter and flirting. And then there's Caught me by surprise, my second attempt at a multi-chapter that's still currently a WIP. I do hope to finish those last two chapters someday, but I'm proud of it all the same. It's the longest thing I've written and I got to have fun with tropes like Fake dating, Secret relationship and Bed sharing.

GT: Are there any tropes or ideas you haven't had a chance to explore yet but you'd like to someday?

R: I'd like to write some fill-ins for the early seasons, especially exploring Mickey's pov. Of course a lot of amazing fics like that exist already, but it'd be a chance to expand on my headcanons and do some interesting character studies. Other than that, I have a few ideas for plot-heavy stories that sometimes I think might be too ambitious for me but also can't get out of my head. If I ever write them, they may feature tropes such as Childhood friends, Soulmate AU, Private investigator AU, and even a Genie AU, though fantasy is definitely not my go-to genre. I'd also love to write an angsty Enemies to lovers or a classic Roommates AU. And maybe some canon divergent stuff.

GT: Where do you get inspiration from?

R: Movies and tv shows I watch, stories I read or random posts I see on Tumblr are all potential sources of inspiration for me. Sometimes I'll get particularly obsessed with a line a character said in canon or a certain scene and a story just forms in my head around it. And when all else fails, I go looking for a prompt that speaks to me to get things going.

GT:What about motivation? Do you force yourself to take time to write or do you wait for motivation to strike randomly?

R: I'm still trying to find a balance that works when it comes to motivation, to be honest. I've gone many months waiting for motivation to strike, and getting more and more frustrated and disappointed the longer I waited in vain for it to come. Other times I'll try to force it, but end up convincing myself I have lost any ability to write I once had 😅 I definitely work better with some sort of deadline and 'peer pressure'. That's why I'm trying to participate in as many fandom events as I can at the moment. I struggle with anxiety, so I used to think it would be too stressful for me, but I need some structure in order to be productive. And sometimes it is a matter of getting yourself to write a little bit (almost) every day, just to move things along and keep the momentum going.

GT: What's your writing process like?

R: If it's something long or plot heavy I'll prepare a bit of an outline first, but I'm not generally big on outlines. When I go to write, I'm usually sitting on my bed or couch with my laptop. I tried having music on or ambient sounds, but honestly I work better in silence. I think of the scene I want to describe and the thoughts and feelings I want to convey and watch it as a film in my head, hearing the characters voice the dialogue. Then I put it all into words, if they behave that day and just come to me 😁 I first do a rough draft, trying not to edit too much as I go but just keeping going until I reach either the end of the story (in the case of a short-ish one-shot) or a good stopping point. Then once it's done I start editing, filling in details I left out, double checking things online and making various changes until I'm reasonably satisfied with it. At that point I'll send it over to my beta reader.

GT: Do you write about other characters or ships as well? If not, would you someday?

R: No, not really. Even if I include other Shameless characters, the focus is always on Ian and Mickey and their relationship. And I don't think I'll ever write about anyone else. I have a bit of a one-track mind when it comes to ships and fandoms. I can only really focus on one at a time, and even if I love lots of other shows and media, I don't feel the need to create for them, or be all that involved. I think that, beyond my fascination with Ian and Mickey as characters and as my all-time favourite ship, this fandom space and the community I share this passion with has a lot to do with my continued participation in it. I don't think I'd be still writing and posting fic if it wasn't for all the wonderful people that create and enjoy fanworks about Ian and Mickey alongside me. They're a huge part of what inspires me and motivates me to keep creating.

GT: Definitely. It's incredible to me how much the fandom has grown and changed, while still being welcoming.

What about OCs, do you have any? Do you create them based on real people or just whatever you need them for?

R: I only occasionally create OCs for specific purposes, though most often I try to cast other Shameless characters in the roles I need if possible. I had fun with Mr. Binckley in my most recent fic for GGE, The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You, and last year, again for GGE, I created two OC children for How I met your dad. I don't see myself using them for other fics in the future, though I really admire writers who can create fully fleshed out OCs and have them recur in more than one of their stories.

GT: What about reading fics, what makes you choose something to read (and what would make you give up on reading something)?

R: I usually trust authors I already know and love, and who tend to write the sort of fics I go for anyway. But I'll give any story a chance if the premise sounds intriguing. So a good summary will draw me in, for sure. I love any kind of meet-cute or meet-ugly, and enemies or friends-to-lovers. I'll read fluff, smut or angst depending on my mood, but always with a happy ending. I like any sort of AU, but I steer away from fantasy in general, and prefer things set in the present day (though I do enjoy science fiction as a genre so space, time travel, etc. might attract me to a fic). I don't read a/b/o, mpreg or mcd. I'll give up on reading something if it's just a wall of text or riddled (and I do mean riddled) with typos. Also if I feel that something is written way too out of character to the point where I barely recognise them as Ian and Mickey.

GT: Can you name some of those authors you already know and love?

R: Sure! @goodkwuestion, @beckyharvey29, @damnnmilkovich, @gallavichy, @jellovich, devovitsuasartes and @crazynadine are some of my all-time favourites.

GT: What about some favorite fics?

R: You can bite me by Shamelessquestions, all comes down to you by BeckyHarvey29, Bad Date by @thevioletjones, the Southside Forever series by proval, You make me feel human by Dragona, Two of your earth minutes by @the-rat-wins, So Sleeping fucking Beauty, right? by @cjmarlowe, sideways by @whaticameherefor, Maintenance by devovitsuasartes, Love is a ballfield by and_i_take_it. There are many others, but these are some of the ones that have really stayed with me.

GT: Do you ever reread fics?

R: Oh yeah, I've definitely reread some of the ones above. I've been in a reading slump for a long while now though, which is why the fics I've mentioned are almost all older ones, and a lot of those writers aren't active anymore. There are so many amazing new authors writing brilliant fics at the moment, but often I end up just reading snippets of their work or their drabbles on Tumblr, so that's why I haven't mentioned them here. I've got so many incredible fics to catch up on! But brains are weird like that, you know?

GT: Oh, I totally get that! What about your own, do you reread those?

R: Not often. I tend to publish something and then not look at it again, focusing on the next project instead. There's a little bit of a cringey feeling for me when I think about rereading my own fics, but then when I do happen to read a bit of one I'm like 'Hey. This is good, actually. I do not remember writing this, but wow. Good job, me.' 😆

GT: You make gifs too, right? Have you ever made a gifset for a fic, yours or someone else's?

R: Yep! I've made a single gif for my most recent fic, The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You, and also for an older one, Ready to do this. I really want to make gifs/graphics for my fics more often in the future, actually. And I once made a gifset inspired by a quote from Cooperative gameplay by grayola.

GT: Do you make moodboards or playlists when planning a fic?

R: Hmm not really. I sometimes look up images to help me visualise a particular scene, but it's not a regular habit of mine.

GT: Let's talk about Shameless. You said you binged the first 8 seasons? That must have been a wild ride.

R: Haha oh, yeah. I remember watching the first 5 seasons in just one week, then slowing down considerably for s6 and s7, and I think season 8 took me a full month to get through. At that point s9 was a couple of months away, and I alternated between a faint hope for some kind of reunion between Ian and Mickey and just bitter disappointment for the state of the show such as it was at that stage. I absolutely died when the prison reunion happened. I watched that scene on a loop for days, and when I came back up for air I went looking for all the fics I could find. Especially ones set in prison or detailing their life after prison, since I was so convinced they were off the show for good. But of course that's not how it went. What a wild ride indeed! Those days were so crazy for me lol

GT: How did it feel to come into such a large, albeit somewhat asleep at the time, fandom?

R: It was weird because I wasn't on Tumblr at the time. I'd had a blog before but then left for a few years and once I got into Shameless I didn't immediately come back to it. I looked up news about the show on Reddit of all places. Then around the time I started reading fic, I found a little blog called gallavichthings ❤️ where I caught up on all the meta that had been written over the years (and gifsets and art and everything else). I only made my new blog when s10 was about to start, right around the time I posted my first fic on AO3. And at that point the fandom was being revived by I&M being on the show again and by the news that they'd be getting married by the end of season 10. It was my first real experience of being active in a fandom like this, so it was pretty wild for me. It was definitely not as nice and chill as it is nowadays, that's for sure.

GT: Awn, I'm glad to be part of your Gallavich journey. 

Are you able to select a favorite season, seeing as you saw them kind of all together?

R: Oof the earlier seasons are all so special in their own ways. But when I got to season 4, the grip this show had on me had reached the highest levels. Despite Ian being gone for so much of it, or maybe because of it, since his absence was so deeply felt and instrumental for us to see sides of Mickey we hadn't seen before. I'm a sucker for some good pining. And then the second half of the season was such a rollercoaster of emotions... Ugh. Plus it was also an amazing season for the other characters (Fiona especially, who I love so much). So dark and intense, and it felt like a more 'adult' season than previous ones. It just hurt so good.

GT: What's your favorite episode overall?

R: It's hard to choose a favourite, but I think ep 4x11, Emily.

GT: Oh, that's a fantastic one! What about a favorite scene?

R: Maybe the s5 dugouts scene in 5x10. The way it's filmed, the lighting, the music, the rawness of the emotions... it hurts like hell to watch them hurt each other, but then there's that sense of release, and of new hope when they're finally on the same page again and happy... and then it gets taken away from them, because we can't have nice things. But that scene is such a little gem, and it never fails to make me feel all the feels.

GT: If you could go back and change only one thing about the show, what would you change?

R: The quality drop in the later seasons? lol. Honestly, as happy as I am that we got to see Ian and Mickey get married and be husbands, the show was just unrecognisable by the end. So I'd have it end sooner. Have the s7 finale be the final episode of the show, but with a happy ending for Ian and Mickey, obviously.

GT: Speaking of, what did you think of the ending?

R: I wish I could say I was satisfied with it, but yeah, no. It was way too open ended, I only liked where they left things for Ian and Mickey, and I should count myself lucky for that, really. The parallels they tried to do with the pilot and season 1 mostly fell flat for me, but then, like I said, the show was a shadow of its former self by that point. There was too little left to enjoy for me. I don't think I would've watched s10 and 11 at all if it wasn't for Ian and Mickey.

GT: How do you headcanon Ian and Mickey's life together after the ending?

R: I think they live in that apartment for a couple years, then get a house closer to where they grew up. They keep in touch with family and spend holidays with the other Gallaghers. They get a pet or two, and eventually adopt or foster kids, a few years down the line. Mickey takes over the security business, while Ian finds a way to use his medical training again to help the community. They'll be happy, safe and in love for the rest of their lives. ❤️

The happily ever after they deserve.

GT: Well, that's it from me. Thank you so much for your time! Now leave a message to those reading this.

R: This was great, thank you! And thanks to everyone in this little corner of the Internet. Whether you create or simply enjoy creations and support them, you are a vital part of something really special. Thank you for being on this ride with me, and here's to another year full of ideas, events, collaborations, and lots and lots of fun!

[ls-daydreams]

~Writeblr Intro~

Photo © Cate Brodersen on Unsplash

Hello, everyone! I'm a tumblr ancient who's been lurking around writeblr for a while now, but never actually made an intro post or interacted with peeps within the community, so here I am!

☆ ABOUT ME ☆

name: Laura  |  birthday: 26.09.1997  |  pronouns: she/her

languages: Romanian (native), English (fluent), Korean (conversational; been casually learning on and off for about 6 years), can somewhat understand Spanish and Italian

studies: BA in Scriptwriting, MA in Film Production Management

interests & hobbies: sudoku, crosswords, cooking & baking, tennis, collecting things, losing myself in canva edits & spotify playlists

what i’m doing now: working as a newbie librarian, trying to write my first novel, losing my mind over my characters

☆ ABOUT MY WRITING ☆

what i like: everything. i love me some nice variety in my genres, themes, and mediums. being absorbed into new worlds and learning from my peers is why i enjoy reading and why i’m a writer

what i write: in two words, murder gays. in more words, i usually write psychological thrillers intertwined with romance and mystery. after i’m done with my massive old-ass WIP (Metanoia, my beloved), i’ll dabble into taking the idiots-in-love into other genres (i already have some ideas for dark fantasy, sci fi & dystopian stories)

recurring things: characters who are demisexual/on the ace spectrum, deep connections between two people who can truly understand only each other, obsession, the concept of beauty in ugliness, death (as rebirth, as a companion to life, as a cause for grief), generational trauma, nature vs. nurture, loneliness vs. solitude

mediums: my current WIP is a novel, but i also write film and TV scripts and like to come up with transmedia experiences too - check out Forget-Me-Not for glimpses of those.

Below the cut are more details about some of my works~ I hope to make loads of friends, read all of your wonderful stories, and meet all of your OCs, so please interact with this post and I’ll check you out! I follow from my main, @sarcasticjuiceboxes ​! Bless you for reading this~

METANOIA - novel & eventual TV series

themes - nature vs. nurture, familial relationships, the illusion of choice

summary: Set in the tiny fictional town of Plain River, the story follows 25-year-old Malachi Azevedo as he tries to regain his memories after an "accident" erases the first 18 years of his life. Stuck caring for his ever-ailing mother, plagued by intrusive thoughts of self-harm, and constantly feeling like an impostor living in the wrong skin, Malachi latches onto The Void - a familiar voice in his head - to cope. He’s convinced The Void was someone important to his former self and tries to find him despite everyone around him denying such a person ever existed. It's this desperate search, along with his fight for independence, which lead Mal down a rabbit hole of love, violence, and hidden truths and force him to finally reconcile with the person he used to be.

warnings - blood, gore, depression, amnesia, abuse, kidnapping, gaslighting, attempted suicide, murder, death

word count - x

status - currently writing

FORGET-ME-NOT - feature film

summary: Haunted by never-ending tragedies, reporter Seo Joon decides to end his life in an almost derelict bath house. It's there he runs into a pair of odd strangers who force him to pick a side when they get into a violent fight, Seo Joon accidentally ending up killing one to save the other. A connection immediately forms between Seo Joon and the rescued stranger, Yul, who convinces the former to put off his initial plans.

It's only the next morning that Seo Joon learns two things: Yul is a photographer working for the police, and the man they killed was completely certain Yul was a serial killer trying to claim him as the next victim.

themes - grief, peculiar love, beauty in ugliness

warnings - murder, suicide, death, blood, panic attacks

word count - ~26k words

status - complete

story & more details (character profiles, inspo, etc) here | mobile friendly here

FLAT 27 - short film

summary: Detached from society and impaired by his deteriorating mental state, writer Ryan latches onto one of the last things that can still keep him going - his novel. He fixates on trying to finally finish it, but the incessant noises in his head prevent him from concentrating as he hasn't slept for days on end.

His inspiration is finally awakened when he overhears a tormented cello playing from the neighbouring apartment. Ryan grows dependent on the music to write, believing his neighbour, Damien, is playing specifically for him, and they're bonded through their art despite never exchanging a single word. When Damien starts to show a disconnect by refusing to play as usual and inviting a third person into their "bubble", Ryan is tempted into a depraved act that finally brings him face to face with his delusions.

themes - obsession, solitute vs. loneliness, real vs. manufactured self

warnings - insomnia, stalking, unreality, death

word count - ~3k words

status - completed (script), in production (film)

story & more details (character profiles, inspo, etc) here | mobile friendly here

More works available to check out - web here | mobile here

Thanks so much for reading! Hit me up and let’s get a-friending ♥

[kiliinstinct]

Of Rumors and Almond Tofu

Series: Genshin Impact Pairing: Aether/Xiao ( m/m )  Rating: T for Teen - slight spice at the end but its super minor Setting: Canon Setting - During Lantern Rite 2023 A03: [ link ] Connected to This Art: [ Tumblr Post ]

I said I was going to Post for Genshin and now I finally am! I have literally been on and off working on this one-shot since February. @genavere beta'd it for me. (Bless her confused soul, she's never played the game and had no idea what was going on.)

Enjoy! - fingers crossed tumblr doesn't make the text goofy

---

The multitude of colors and decorations that collectively dressed all of Liyue Harbor during the Lantern Rite never failed to fill Aether with a childish excitement that thrummed inside his chest. Even being his third year visiting for the Rite didn’t diminish the wonder he felt each time he took a glance at the MingXiao lanterns. 

Unfortunately, with circumstances as they were, the Traveler from another world found himself blind to the world around him—face buzzing in an embarrassed heat—distracted by his thoughts for most of the afternoon.  The Funeral Parlor was his destination, but heavy footsteps took him in the opposite direction. In his absentminded haze, he moved towards the fishmongers instead, struggling to process the morning’s events.  

He could hear Paimon titter behind him. Commenting on the details of the City decorations, waving towards the denizens who excitedly welcomed them back. Aether paid them no mind. Not deliberately, but the citizens of the harbor were used to Paimon speaking for him by now.

“Is he doing okay?” Aether vaguely recognized a voice that might have belonged to a Millellith guard as they passed. Rather than respond, he trusted Paimon to wave the man off, chirping her eager reply. “Oh, he’s fine!” 

His shoulders relaxed. Yes, he could leave it all to her while he mulled over his actions at Mt. Aocang. How could he have assumed his time at the Rite wouldn’t end in complications one way or another? 

His clung to him like a second skin, still damp from the cool waters of the morning. The face of disappointment Xiao had fixed upon him affixed itself in his mind like a blaring sign. How humiliating … Aether bit back a whine of shame. How was he going to face the Vigilant Yaksha again?

He briefly wondered if he could offer Paimon up as a sacrifice. A silly thought he knew wouldn’t pan out. Not only would Xiao refuse, but it would only serve to tease his floating companion. A terrible, vindictive part of his mind  thought the prank would do wonders for his mood. Was he feeling petty that Paimon’s dubious plan to feign drowning had turned out so horrible? Yes. Yes, he was, but he knew better than to place all blame on her small shoulders. 

After all, he could have said no. 

“It’s really not a big deal.” He heard Paimon speak to one of the kids who often played Pirates with her friends, and caught the tone of mischief too late to interrupt, “He’s just upset because his crush had to save him from drowning, that’s all!”

What.

Aether stopped mid-step. Finally registering just how far from their targeted destination they were. In the course of five seconds his heart sank to the pit of his stomach and bounced right back into the back of his throat, choking him of any and all words. 

“Oh, Mister Traveler has a special someone?" Little Lulu’s eyes glistened in wonder. "That’s so nice!” “Yup!” Paimon laughed, eyes twinkling, appearing unaware of the danger lurking behind her as Aether gawked, fingers twitching at his side. “But don’t go telling anyone else. He gets really embarrassed about it.”

He sprang into action, grasping the back of her clothes and yanked her back to his side. Mind working overtime to form the words that spilled from him too fast for his mind to keep up. “Paimon! What are you doing?”

If she was put out by suddenly losing her free flight, Paimon made no comment, opting to laugh behind her hand instead.  Her eyes glinted in amusement, “Just fielding questions. You weren’t responding to anyone so Paimon did it for you. Like the best traveling companion should, you know!” Aether couldn’t be bothered to respond, frantically looking back to Little Lulu, but it was too late. The girl had already run off to join the two boys she played with, shouting enthusiastically at them without a care in the world.  His earlier humiliation bloomed again and he noticed the surprised expressions of her friends as they glanced in his direction. He rounded on Paimon in consternation.   “Who else?” He demanded. Paimon had the audacity to look confused, “Hm?” “Who else,” he asked again, teeth gnashing together. Aether desperately wanted to stay calm, but was failing, “did you say that to?”

“... not that many.”

“How. Many?”

Rubbing her chin, Paimon hummed in thought, eyes glancing to the sky and all around them as if taking careful stock of every interaction she’d held within the past hour or so. “Including Little Lulu, just a couple more? Maybe three? I’m not sure, Traveler, you’ve been ignoring people quite a lot today.”

His expression was anything but amused. How distracted had he been? The morning was full of conversations, planning, and the gentle hope they could solve the mystery behind a mystical savior. Not only had they learned more about the old Adepti of the Past and the relations between them, he had also visited Madam Ping with Cloud Retainer, hoping to breach the subject of her music without touching on the old wounds of the past. All in all: he was exhausted and still had much to do before the concert that night. 

Ignoring the embarrassment of Xiao dragging his body out of a lake with Shenhe worriedly looming over the two of them, Aether felt the day had been full of social interactions. Could Paimon really blame him for being lost in thought?

Though, now that he had a better look of his surroundings, he couldn’t help feeling sheepish. “Zhongli has been waiting an awful while.”

“Oh, yeah. Paimon tried to get your attention about that, but you were so lost in thought that you paid no attention when Paimon tugged at you!” She circled his head, lips pursed in the tiniest of pouts, huffing. “If Paimon wasn’t so understanding, Paimon would demand you make it up with a grilled Tiger Fish!” Aether blinked, mystified. Was his thoughts on Quizhong’s life and Xiao’s expression of worry that distracting? Clearing his throat, he turned his back to the gentle, harbor waters, quietly hoping he could claim the heat of the sun was the culprit for his flustered face. “We should go then, before I make you into Tiger Fish, instead.”

“H-Hey! Why would you say that to Paimon?” “I can think of a few reasons,” He muttered, patting the top of her head, “Telling people I have a crush is certainly at the top of the list.” “Please- It’s not as if anyone is going to remember” She scoffed, dismissing him, “the Lantern Rite is tonight!”

Aether made a mental wish to the stars that Paimon was right.

She wasn’t. 

Not by a long shot. 

In fact, Paimon had been so wrong that by the very next day, with the sun barely rising and the lantern rite winding to a close, Aether thought he had misheard the local gossip. During the time he spent with Ningguang in the Jade Chamber, he was made all too aware of how fast rumors spread from the citizens of Liyue. Even Beidou’s warnings of the Qixing keeping watch on his comings and goings rang in the back of his mind like a siren. 

Despite this knowledge, he wasn’t prepared for the offhanded statements that followed his every move. They flew about him in all directions well into the afternoon. 

“That’s the traveler, isn’t it?”

“It is!”

“Didn’t you hear?”

“He almost drowned yesterday.” 

Aether never considered spending his attention on the background noise, all too accustomed to it after the last few years. He felt a stutter in his heart when that embarrassing reminder came back to snipe at him. 

So, they heard of his fake drowning attempt after all, albeit a little inaccurately.

“Doesn’t he know how to swim?”

“Of course he does, but things are strange at the Karst…”

“Is that why he was saved?” “By who?” “His lover!”

If he had been paying less attention, he would have toppled right off the pier and into the sea. Instead, he choked loudly on his own spit, face flaming a brilliant red as Paimon tittered around his head, fingers covering her mouth to hide her surprised squeal.

“Um, P-Paimon never said you had one of those!” She squeaked incredulously when Aether fixed her with his horrified gaze. “Wow, they really goofed it up, didn’t they?”

He couldn’t manage a reply. The words were gone, frozen in the back of his throat while fingers twitched and apprehension spread through all his nerves. Shut them out. It’ll blow over in a day or two. It had to. Right? Resisting the urge to throttle Paimon for the cough she faked to hide her laughter, he made a hasty retreat to Wanmin Restaurant for breakfast. 

An impossible task with whispered rumors and curious, mystified expressions following his every move. The rumors grew more exaggerated from person to person and Paimon failed to dissuade a few onlookers from spreading their overdramatized versions. 

It was too late. 

The world loved its gossip too much to be convinced of the misunderstanding. He could only quietly thank Chef Mao for allowing him to eat his breakfast in peace inside the kitchen, rather than stand among the crowd that couldn’t shut up about his non-existent love life. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop him from hearing tidbits each time a customer called upon the Chef for a tasty order..

Paimon had to choke back peels of laughter when they heard the list of ‘suspects.’ No one received a name, thankfully, but that left each new gossiper a question with no answers. 

Who was the traveler with? Ningguang? (“Can’t be, she wouldn’t be in Jueyan Karst during the Lantern Rite, would she?”) 

Perhaps the Yuheng, Keqing? (“She never left the harbor either!”)  

No, obviously Ganyu. (Aether hid his face in the palm of his hands at this one, quietly distressed.) Yes, Ganyu had become the popular choice among the many and Aether desperately hoped she’d be far too busy to catch wind of it. 

How could he explain this to her? Let alone anyone else? And keep Paimon from eating her foot any further than she already had while he was at it.

“Well, at least they were smart enough to realize Ganyu had been with us yesterday,” Paimon interjected between bites of her mostly finished breakfast. “Those other options were so far from the truth though. Talk about crazy. Paimon wonders what they’d do if they knew it was Shenhe and Xiao who-”

“Paimon.” His voice pierced through her rambling, far more intense than the roiling, desperate emotions simmering inside. The desperate stare he gave  his floating friend was enough to snap her mouth shut, effectively cutting her off..

“Sorry,” she amended, voice lowering a few notches as she floated beside him. “But, you have to admit, it’s crazy. They’re not even getting the gender right…”

Aether said nothing, letting his expression do the talking for him. 

He would thank his lucky stars that Chef Mao knew to be discreet, despite being a bystander to this conversation. When they left, the Chef sent them off with a cheery wave and a box full of jade parcels and lotus crisps to snack on. 

Paimon was ecstatic with the gift and Aether wouldn’t be surprised if they were all consumed before lunch.

Leaving the Harbor until the evening was the best way to save Aether from the crowd and it’s ever growing rumor mongering. By the time they’d escaped to Pervases’ temple, the gossip had grown so out of hand that Aether wasn’t sure what it would evolve to upon his return. Paimon continued to chitter her apologies, claiming time and time again that she never expected her jab towards his ‘crush’ to explode as it had. 

“It’s not even a crush,” he groused, setting incense at the temple while laying out a freshly grilled Tiger Fish in honor of the long-gone Yakshas. He treasured the peaceful quiet of the hall Wang Ping’an happily kept his distance, keeping watch at the door for more visitors. (Aether doubted more would come. The temple was always depressingly empty when he visited.) He ignored Paimon’s dramatic roll of her eyes and clasped his hands together in a customary prayer pose. 

Oh, whatever well wishes I give you now, Pervases, he thought dismally, please find a way to swallow Paimon up with me when these rumors take me out.

Paimon barely took the time to perform her own prayer, swirling about Aether’s head in agitation. “Oh sure, not a crush, you say, as if Paimon would believe that!”  

Tune her out, tune her out! 

“You were practically tripping over your feet when he pulled you out of the pond yesterday and don’t think Paimon didn’t notice you pouting when he left.”

It was getting harder to ignore her. 

“You looked like a kicked puppy who was denied a treat-”

“I did not!” 

Paimon’s expression was smug, staring at him through her lashes as she floated superiority over him. “And the blush on your cheeks is because…?”

His blasted body betrayed him by growing hotter at the question. He cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the Adepti monument, shoulders slack as he gave up. What use was there in lying to Paimon, anyway? She’d been by his side for so long, she was bound to pick up his tells. Almost as much as Lumine could rat him out…

Aether sighed, defeated. “It doesn’t matter, anyhow,” he muttered. “That’s a road better left empty.”

A crush? Certainly not. Whatever feelings he’d bottled up inside his heart for the last three years had grown far deeper than that. In the expanse of his own mind that twisted and turned around every possible mystery of Teyvat, all in his attempt to reunite with his sister, even Aether couldn’t lie to himself for too long. 

Xiao had certainly slotted into a place in Aether’s heart that he never knew existed. And in time, he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there. A strange relationship that teetered back and forth along a thin wire. There was a tension between him and the Conqueror of Demons. A tension Aether couldn’t put a name to. Whether he fell or not, there was no knowing what falling off that wire would do to him.

In fact, he was determined not to find out. 

“Is it because you don’t think he feels the same?” Paimon cut through his reverie, slowly drifting to his side rather than staring down her nose at him. “Because Paimon thinks he looked really worried and upset yesterday so maybe he -”

“Paimon.” Aether’s stare was pleading. “Please, stop.”

“Oh- ok.” Her voice dropped to a tiny, disappointed whine. “Sorry.”

He knew she meant well. In fact, the thought of him holding feelings for another must have sparked an idea into her  head well over a year ago. What reason would he have to leave Teyvat in the end, if he fell into a relationship, after all? She must have taken his broiling emotions as a sign of weakness. A sign he could be persuaded to stay, but it was better not to hold onto false hope. 

That’s what he told himself.

Besides… muttering a final prayer to Pervases, Aether turned to leave, content to enjoy the outdoors until dinner with Hu Tao. He wasn’t certain how many the Director had invited, but the prospect of seeing old friends at a - hopefully - peaceful supper, helped ease his worries.

  It wasn’t as if Xiao would try and keep him here. The Yaksha had his own duty and that didn’t include convincing otherworldly beings into staying once their own was completed.  

That thought was enough to sober Aether from the many rumors of the Harbor.  He took in the air, smelling the sweat flowers and mints in the area as they soothed his aching heart. 

This world was beautiful. He would never stop thinking that. Even when it was nothing more than a memory.  With that thought in mind, Aether was positive he could tour the harbor once more, enjoying its festivities no matter what rumor trailed behind him.

A lover? Pfft, let them talk. Let them wonder. He knew the truth of it and that’s all that mattered. Even if the truth sank into the pit of Aether’s stomach like a pile of cor lapis. 

Aether would begin questioning all his decisions the moment he set foot in Xinyue Kiosk for Hu Tao’s big dinner plans.. 

Meeting all his friends in one place for a free dinner was more than enough to bring Aether joy and Paimon’s own squeal of delight. To sit alongside Xiangling, Chongyun and Xingqiu brought a light feeling to his chest and the sight of Hu Tao and Zhongli strengthened it. While they had seen the latter two only a day before, the prospect of a friendly dinner was enough to ease most of his worries. 

It didn’t matter what rumors still spread through the harbor. Earlier, he overheard a couple mention him ‘slipping’ into the water with his supposed ‘lover’ for a moment of intimacy. A mental image that made his face grow redder than the tomatoes sold nearby. 

How much crazier were these rumors going to grow before the townsfolk became bored?

Aether’s friends, young and old, seemed none the wiser, or at the very least, saw fit not to bring it up over dinner.  A fact Aether would forever be grateful for. At least, that’s how it should have gone, but the appearance of Xiao sent Aether’s mind into overdrive. Hu Tao’s mysteriously proud grin was the precursor to a meal he never expected. After refusing to enter the Harbor the previous Lantern Rites, seeing him a day after the traveler’s poorly executed ‘drowning’ attempt, set his heart thudding against his ribcage.  Not only was the Yaksha willingly in the harbor during Festival Season, but he’d been ushered to sit beside the other as if that had been the plan all along. 

The assumption wasn’t too far off. If Hu Tao’s knowing smirk was anything to go off of.

He felt his body turn to stone, heat rising along his neck at the proximity between them and he desperately hoped that Xiao’s penchant to ignore mortal matters would keep him far away from those embarrassing rumors. The adeptus always had a strong presence, not just from his inhuman energy, his intense gaze and stance always drew Aether’s attention. Now, however, it was difficult to keep himself from watching Xiao through his peripheral vision. The strong want to study his profile left Aether struggling to swallow, forcing his gaze ahead of him to keep his calm facade. “... is this, okay?” He was surprised, stunned out of his thoughts when Xiao’s pointed question struck him down with the faintest hint of insecurity. His confusion must have been obvious as Xiao, eyes averting back to the table, made a grumble of frustration toward repeating himself. “You are tense. I wondered if my presence was bothering you.”

Oh. 

“No-!” Aether snapped, voice far louder than he intended.  Gulping down as much water as he could manage, he ignored the raised brows of his peers and shook his head enough to feel dizzy. “It’s not that. I’m actually really-” Really what? Pleased? Excited? Flustered over nothing? Aether looked to Paimon for help as the words became sludge in his mouth. Her answering grin was sinister and he knew he made another mistake. 

“The traveler is actually really happy you’re here, Xiao!”  She hid her mischief behind her hand and giggled, “It’s almost like one of his wishes had been granted-”

Oh, if he wasn’t going to turn her into food yesterday, he certainly was now.  The glare he shot her was seen around the table, and he could feel the knowing, if perplexed expressions of the others who witnessed the scene. Zhongli, ever the silent observer, sipped his tea and turned his golden gaze towards Xiao instead, but Aether noticed the slight curve of the former Archon’s lips; and felt his lungs constrict further. Oh stars above, he knows.  Maybe he should have skipped out on today's dinner and called it an early night. Maybe he should have taken on an extra commission or a-

Xiao’s pointed stare froze him. The golden glow of the Yaksha’s eyes filled his shoes with cement before the gaze turned towards Paimon, and gave the briefest nods in acknowledgement to her. 

If Aether hadn’t been lost in his horror, he might have noticed the slightest hint of red dusting the tip of Xiao’s ears, but he couldn’t attend to that. Instead, he swallowed thickly, watching as Xiao considered his companions' words and resumed his stare at the table. “Hmm,” The non-committal grunt said so much and so little at once. It made him want to scream. “I see.”

The awkward tension in the room shattered like glass and chatter erupted around the table once more. Aether spared Paimon of a rueful glare in lieu of sighing in relief. It was easier to fall silent and listen, all while buzzing from the very presence of Xiao by his side. Talking was difficult and observing the other’s conversation removed all pressure from his soul. The respite was welcomed. Though it did not last long as chaos incarnate, the winds of Barbatos himself, saw fit to crash the party. If Aether had known he’d be in the presence of not one, but two Archons that evening, he would have mentally prepared himself better. 

Venti was a whirlwind of trickery and slid himself into the gathering with ease, as if he’d always been there. Upon his windy entrance, blowing open the doors with a giggle, the sudden tick at Zhongli’s jaw spoke of a quiet irritation. Hu Tao’s sudden interest in the new arrival gave Aether the strange feeling that the funeral parlor’s director was all too aware of the true identities of the feigning mortals at the table. A matter Aether tucked away to explore later. Much later. When there wasn’t the Lord of Anemo and Geo vying for most passive aggressive compliments the world of Teyvat had ever seen flying over his head. If Aether hadn’t known any better, he would have sworn Venti and Zhongli were divorced lovers. 

The mere thought made him cough back an amused snort that was waved away when Paimon sent him a questioning glance. The ‘I’ll tell you later’ went without saying. He’d rather enjoy the chaotic chatter while it lasted, enjoying his meal and observing the others around him. If his eyes happened to stray one too many times towards Xiao, he pretended not to notice. 

“Uhh-“ Though, noticing the stiff poise of the Yaksha beside him, perhaps it was a good thing he kept his attention on him. Xiao kept his hands under the table, fingers fidgeting at each new barb the Archons threw across the table. Each lie to cover up their identity made his body tense, as if becoming petrified wood would save him from the conversation. 

“I- uhh..” Xiao struggled to interrupt the onslaught of passive aggression, shoulders tensing by the second.

Aether frowned, and realized Xiao was not enjoying this. Brows furrowed together before he made a decision. It wouldn’t do to chase Xiao off from functions like this in the future. Anything to help the Yaksha relax and settle into the banter. 

With a careful glide of his hand beneath the table, he grasped Xiao’s twitching fingers with his own. The speed in which Xiao’s eyes flickered to him made the Traveler wonder if he’d made a mistake, an apology already formed upon his lips. 

But Xiao didn’t withdraw. Citrine eyes stared intently for a moment, as if looking for Aether’s inner thoughts. Coming up with nothing, he glanced to their adjoined hands before giving Aether’s an experimental squeeze, fingers sliding between his own. Aether had to bite back the surprised exhale that ran through him.

‘Are you okay?’ He wanted to ask, but that would garner everyone’s attention, breaking the spell weaved between them. Instead, Aether smiled and resumed eating. Almost like a child, Xiao’s grip tightened, ignoring the meal in favor of watching the others.

Like Aether, Xiao observed, but unfortunately, Aether’s actions were nothing more than a bandage for an issue far deeper than nerves. Venti and Zhongli were still in the limelight, spreading their flowery language from person to person. Even Hu Tao joined in, eyes glittering in mischief.

“Ah such lovely compliments my guests have for each other on this fine day.” The director curled her lips as she eyed everyone over the rim of her glass. “It’s so nice to see everyone getting along.”

Something in her tone spoke a different language to Aether. A niggling instinct that pricked the back of his neck, whispering tiny assumptions about Hu Tao. There was always something about her and the way she looked around the room that hinted to a knowledge vastly greater than she let on. Alarm bells rang as he witnessed her excited eyes glance from Zhongli to Venti, enjoying their banter like an afternoon play. It was a wild thought, Aether realized, but maybe the only ones unaware of the Archon’s identities were the other three guests, watching the spectacle in stunned silence. 

Paimon’s excited squeal and Xiao’s grip becoming tighter yanked Aether from his reverie. His flying companion had received seconds in the form of Xiao nudging his plate to the side and spared no second to curb her enthusiasm. The interruption gave way to more chatter along the table, pulling the attention off the archons for a short period.

“While I’m not partial to it, one could almost feel elated enough to have a glass of wine,” Zhongli said, taking it as a chance to once more explain how he was truly the one honored by everyone’s presence that day.

Venti jumped upon the self-indulgence without a second thought. Sitting straighter in her seat to hold his cup in the air, ignoring how tea splashed from the cup. “This MUST be a great occasion, indeed, for one as esteemed as yourself, huh?”

Aether held back the urge to roll his eyes. Paimon didn’t.  

He registered a shift in the man next to him. The tension was back and the Yaksha’s grip was crushing. Xiao had reached his limit. 

“I- I uh, I think-" It felt wrong, Aether decided, watching as Xiao struggled to put words into sentences. Words were difficult. He understood on a deeper level than most, but this was new territory. Attempting diplomacy when forthright honesty was more his style. Before Xiao could finally put his thoughts into verbal communication, Aether struck.

“Wow, I have eaten WAY too much,” he chirped, glancing at Paimon as he made a show of patting his stomach. The action released his hand from Xiao’s, causing the Yaksha’s eyes to widen and arm jerk from the motion. Ignoring Paimon’s confused hum, mouth still full of fish, he turned back to Xiao, “I think I need fresh air. Come with me?”

If anyone needed it. It was Xiao. Who eagerly accepted the out, eyes worriedly searching Aether for any further sign of discomfort. Convincing Paimon to stay behind was a harder task. Her shock and betrayal garnered everyone's attention, making his face grow heated.  He couldn’t blame her. After what happened in Sumeru, how could he? The Sabzeruz Festival was not so easily forgotten. Not half as easy as what was erased from Irminsul at least.

With a few well thought out words, and some added help from the others, she relented with a threat to eat his food along with her own if he took too long. He smiled fondly at her, patting her head as he left the table. A lost meal was a consequence he was willing to take.

Now that the opportunity was made available, Xiao was too oblivious to his ruse. The Yaksha stood by the double doors, arms crossed and shoulders so tense, Aether feared he’d turn to stone. His fingers tapped against his vision as barely contained impatience brimmed in the bright gleam of his eyes. He all but ran out the door the moment Aether swung it open, reveling in the fresh air and sunlight that greeted them.

“Are you all right?” Xiao demanded as soon as he was paced away from the building, posture far more relaxed now that they were free of everyone's gazes. “I should be the one asking that,” Aether replied, an eyebrow raised in concern. Somehow, words were easier when it was just the two of them. Simple. Upfront. 

Xiao’s eyes couldn’t stay focused, glancing from Aether’s face, before they swept around the street, eyeing every passerby as if a demon hid amongst them. When he deemed their location private enough, Aether witnessed the tension slowly bleed away as the seconds passed. Not to the extent the Traveler would have preferred, but it was something. He sighed in relief and was content to wait as Xiao answered, opening a line of conversation that was more relaxing than the cacophony inside. 

When it came to conversation. Xiao was often short lipped, but time after the Chasm incident must have changed him. With his willingness to speak of matters of the past and his own discomfort, it was clear their previous meetings had opened Xiao’s heart more than anticipated. A welcome surprise that created a gentle smile to cross his face. 

Unfortunately, relishing in the light conversation Xiao provided was not an easy task when beside one of the busiest roads in Liyue Harbor.

“Who's that with the Traveler right now?”

“That can’t be the one, can it?”

Aether cursed as a couple passing by whispered far too loud to keep their conversations secret and a mortified heat began to creep along the back of his neck. Oh no. No. No. No. Not now.

He trailed off lamely, distracted from their conversation. He assumed Xiao would notice and think something was wrong, possibly assume the worst, but curiously, the adeptus tilted his head, eyes gleaming in confusion. Something had caught his attention. Enough for his eyes to rove over the crowd on the streets before fixating back on what was now a very disgruntled traveler. 

“... What is- “ Xiao tested the words on his tongue as if his question was foreign to him. “Traveler, what is dating?”

At that moment, Aether wished he could curse in all the languages he’d heard in his travels, but he didn’t have the time to recall them all. Or the energy to speak them. What had Xiao heard to ask that? Aether worked through the palpitations of his own heart to consider the question, mouth running dry as the words jammed in his throat. 

“Why-?” 

No, dumb question. Xiao didn’t ask about human customs much, questioning it now may cause him to withdraw entirely. Aether didn’t want that, did he? “You don’t-,” a moment of insanity passed through him as he wished Paimon had followed along after all. She could handle this question better than him, right? 

Then again, catching the stares of a Millellith soldier across the road made him grimace. Never mind. Paimon would definitely have made everything worse. “You haven’t heard the term before?”

That.. was a safe response. 

He hoped. 

Xiao considered the question, nose scrunching in a way that made Aether’s heart twist. The curiosity the Adeptus held for humans despite his claims otherwise endeared Aether to him each time he was blessed to witness it. Despite the embarrassing context of the question, he clung to the visual to hold in his memories for later. Just as he had with all previous interactions he had in the past. 

“Mortals talk incessantly,” Xiao said after a few beats of silence. “Perhaps I have heard it before, but I never bothered to pay it any mind. The customs of mortals are… odd… to me.”

Somehow, that answer was very… Xiao.

Aether grinned, “Have you heard of courting then? Suitors?” What other words could he think of that may ring a bell… Aether was about to explain in further detail when recollection lit up in Xiao's eyes.

“How uninformed do you think I am?” He snapped, clicking his tongue derisively. 

Once upon a time, Aether would have suspected annoyance, but the hint of red he spied at the tip of Xiao’s ears spoke more to the truth than any words the Yaksha could say. 

“A mortal passtime to find a lover and pass on their legacy through their progeny. Of course, I know what that is-" He paused blinking. “Ah, so that is dating.”

“Words change over time,” Aether stated, still amused by his obvious discomfort.

“Ridiculous.” The retort came swift like a gust of wind before Xiao’s attention pulled back to the crowds behind them. His silence became a palpable curiosity that filtered through in muted measures. Aether wondered what was going through his mind in that moment, but chose not to ask. Whatever it was, Xiao would ask if he wanted. Something spurred the Yaksha to grumble, words muttering under his breath that Aether couldn’t catch. Watching him through his lashes, Xiao frowned, a strange irritation filling him. “So, then you -" 

After a few seconds of no follow up, Aether broke his silence. “So, I…what?”

Xiao shook his head. “Nothing. Just forget it.”

Silence befell them. When Aether realized Xiao wasn’t going to continue, he cleared his throat, thinking back on their earlier conversation. Steering the topic back a few paces would be ideal and the more he looked down the street, witnessing the onlookers slowly grow in number, the more Aether regretted his decision to escape the others in the first place. 

But something was bothering Xiao now, he could tell. Xiao’s gaze flickered from the street and back to him, brows furled together in thoughts that he refused to verbalize. Had he heard something else? The Traveler couldn’t be sure, but just when he had a mind to ask, the door to the kiosk swung open and both their gazes met Xiangling’s as she approached, lips bitten insecurely.. “Sorry!” She said swiftly, her smile felt out of place, far too timid for the cook’s usual expressions. “Am I interrupting anything?” “Not at all,” Aether answered in reflex, barely catching the quiet ‘tsk’ that escaped Xiao. This was the perfect change of topic. Already the tension from before bled away as if it never existed. “Were we taking too long?”

And off the conversation went with Xiangling beckoning the two back inside. Though, Aether made sure Xiao gave his due thanks for Xiangling’s efforts in bringing him an almond tofu, and winced when Paimon’s despondent waiting was brought up. As irritated as he was over the whole rumor debacle, he truly hadn’t meant to leave her alone for so long. Not since the Sabzeruz. He still remembered her terror at being left behind. It was a horror he felt in his bones and understood all too well.

Perhaps now was the best time to end their conversation, either way. They’d been invited to dinner. It wouldn't do to avoid the whole thing now, would it? Aether was certain Xiao would fare better a second time around and with the night still young, he wanted to bask in the social atmosphere a little longer before finally considering the years Lantern Rite officially over. 

When all was said and done, Aether could honestly say he never expected Xiao to invite him back to visit at Wangshuu Inn. “If you have need of me, call my name, but-…come to the inn, if you’d like to talk more.”

Somehow, it truly felt as if Xiao had changed. The events in the Chasm had opened the Adeptus in ways Aether could only dream to witness. Not obviously to most people, but just enough for Aether to feel as if he’d stepped through many doors that had been locked tight before. 

“Maybe those rumors will get it right now.” Paimon huffed that evening, stuffed full from the dinner and finally alone with Aether once again. “You two stayed out and away from Paimon for so long, everyone should have a good guess at this rate.” Aether cleared his throat, facing Paimon with a deadpan stare. “You get a pass. Just this once.”

Eyes lighting up in mischief, Paimon giggled, ecstatic, “Really? What’s the occasion?”

“It’s my apology for making you wait so long.” He ruffled her hair as he teased her. “I couldn’t believe it when Xiangling said you’d hardly touched your food. Maybe you’re sick? Is something wrong with my emergency food?”

“Oooh! Paimon’s had it to here with you! Paimon deserves more than one pass for that, mister!”

He laughed. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could put the gossip behind him. They were bound to die out the further from the festival it became after all, and he didn’t have the energy to stress over it further.

With the sun fading below the horizon, Aether decided that after all was said and done, it was an almost perfect night. This world may not be his, but in that moment, he felt just a little bit closer to home. 

Xiao’s offer wouldn’t be taken for another two days when Aether found himself in the area, exhausted from a day of commissions and curiosity burning in his veins. Would Xiao be there waiting? Or would he come to chat if called? It was enough for him to decide to stay for the night before making his way back to Sumeru. There was some time yet before he would travel to the region Fontaine, so there was no reason he couldn’t make a few more detours, right? 

“Three Hundred… Four Hundred… Five- “ Counting his recent payments, Aether’s eyes lit up, “Five hundred mora! Add that to the rest of our funds and we should have more than enough to stay at the inn. No camping tonight!”

“Didn’t we already have enough before you were paid? You’re practically a workaholic, you know,” Paimon said.

He shrugged, smiling unapologetically, “And I never hear you complain each time another bag of mora comes our way, do I?”

Paimon didn’t bother denying it and pouted instead. Their back and forth would continue all the way to the Inn, with Aether falling silent partially through their conversation, settling into their usual pattern.. If he were honest with himself, the Lantern Rite had burned his ability to socialize to an almost non-existent flame, and he relished Paimon filling the air with her chatter. On days like this, he could forgive her of the embarrassment days prior. 

After all, rumors from Liyue Harbor wouldn’t spread this far out into the Dihua Marshes. Of that, he was as certain as he was of the sun rising each morning. 

Skipping the elevator of the Inn, Aether prolonged Paimon’s prattling by climbing the stairs; enjoying the wind as it whistled through his braid, the view as the sun gleamed across sparkling waters, and the sounds of chatter from the many guests chattering throughout. Second to Mondstadt only, the locals of Wangshuu Inn never failed to fill Aether with a calm peace. 

It was a source of security, anchored down by the presence sheltered at the rooftop. A fact Aether refused to admit outloud, and certainly not in front of Paimon. 

Lantern Rite had been good to the Inn. Approaching the main Lobby, they spied Verr Goldett surrounded by a line of customers. Catching the gleam of Aether’s golden hair and Paimon’s crown, she waved pleasantly to them; her smile crinkled the edge of her eyes before she turned her attention back to her waiting guests.  There would be no conversation just yet, but that was okay. Aether wasn’t worried about finding a place to sleep. The Boss Lady of Wangshuu Inn always had a room available to him when asked.  It was a mystery he never quite understood how she managed to do it. “Okay!” Paimon’s voice shrieked closer to Aether’s ear than intended, pulling him from the unsolved riddles of the inn.. He flinched, ears ringing, but Paimon paid that no mind. Sadly, he knew it wouldn’t be the first time, nor the last. “Paimon is going to see Yanxiao for some food, you go on without me.”

Aether blinked, one foot on the stairs to the upper balcony and the other grounded in place. Raising one brow, he observed his Fairy companion silently, uncertain of her motive. Hadn’t she been angry at him for leaving her behind just a day ago? 

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t look at Paimon like that. You wanted more time to talk to Xiao, right? Paimon will join you later.”

Something about her tone raised alarm bells in his mind, but he couldn’t put words to it before she held out her tiny hand, expectant.

“But-”

“Bag please!” Her smile was devious. “Paimon has to pay for our meals somehow and you keep all the mora on you.”

“Is this your way of sneaking yourself an extra helping without supervision?” Regardless, the small bag he’d saved from the day was snatched from him as soon as it was offered.

“Paimon will make sure there’s still enough for a room, don’t worry.”

Aether couldn’t resist. “Too late.”

“Oooh,” she seethed, opalescent eyes sparked in anger. “Go up and see your Adeptus boyfriend already!”

With her loud exclamation, Paimon shot her way to the kitchens, leaving Aether flustered and frozen in place as every eye in the lobby turned towards him. 

Oh no. Not again! Paimon, I swear to all Archons who hear me and beyond, I am going to EAT you one day!

Noticing the all-knowing eyes of Verr Goldett on him, Aether attempted to wave off the eyes with a sheepish smile. Already he could hear the quiet murmurs spreading through the crowd.The Boss Lady of Wangshu Inn understood his quiet plea, lips curving in comradery.

“Come now, who's next? My husband won't be back for a few more minutes, so allow me to assist you.”  Beckoning for the line to move on, her voice rose above the chatter, calling attention towards herself as she laughed. “As if an Adeptus would be at my inn of all places. Could you imagine?”

And that was enough to break through what Aether could see as an all-new rumor spreading. Verr Goldett was true to her job, keeping the mystery of the rooftop—and who lived upon it, as secret as the day she’d met Aether. The ‘gentleman’ of the balcony would not be named and she made sure all visitors knew better than to ask. Feeling ashamed of their eavesdropping, the nearby guests cleared their throats and looked away, keeping their chatter to themselves. Relieved, Aether mouthed a tiny ‘thank you’ from the stairs and resumed his trip up, two steps at a time. He didn’t miss the glitter in her eye. No doubt, she’d expect a return favor in the future.  That was a problem for the future, he decided, and quietly he vowed to make Paimon help when the time came. 

The highest balcony of the inn never failed to leave Aether breathless. The view of the marsh and distant mountains gleamed with the waning sunlight with stars already beginning to sparkle above. The skyline of the towering peaks of Jueyan Karst and the lonely mountain, Dragonspine, framed the view from left to right. Ginko leaves scattered about the wooden deck, flowing with the wind around the lone figure watching the land below him. Aether gawked, stunned by the silhouette, illuminating Xiao’s outline, as flecks of teal reflected the light in his hair. 

For the first time in months, Xiao had waited for him. Aether’s mouth became dry as he struggled to greet the other, but there was no need. Even with his back turned, Xiao knew who had come to join him.

“So,” he began, head barely tilting to acknowledge the other, “you came afterall.” 

Words tumbled off Aether’s tongue in a rush, “Didn’t you invite me?”

Xiao hummed in confirmation, gaze still piercing the clouds above them, watching as another star began to shine. Aether took the opening for what it was and crossed the deck to stand by Xiao’s side. His own gaze struggled to choose between watching the scenery or admit the profile of his companion. 

“Then, why wouldn’t I come?” he asked when the wind ceased and the rustling of the tree above them came to a halt. Xiao answering blink gave Aether all he needed to know, cracking a grin as the Adeptus slowly accepted his reply. “You come when I call, don’t you?”

“That’s-!” Xiao paused, catching himself before his tone resumed its careful, quiet timbre. “That’s different. I promised to protect you.”

His smile grew. “And we agreed that it was time to let friends take care of their friends.” He chuckled as Xiao broke his gaze to stare towards the trees, the hint of an ear tip dusted in pink peeked from behind his hair.  “What sort of friend would I be if I ignored your invitation?”

“I-” He cut himself off.

“Yes…?”

Xiao sighed, the barest hint of a smile curving at the edges. “I still don’t understand you.”

Mirroring him, Aether leaned against the railing, enjoying the gentle breeze that weaved through his braid. “Then I’ll just have to keep visiting until you do.”

It was easy to talk or fall into companionable silence, after that, something Aether always appreciated. Words weren’t easy, especially in Teyvat. The language had proven difficult and confusing when he’d first began his journey. Xiao’s ability to listen and enjoy the moment without words was a small reprieve. Once upon a time, Aether knew the Adeptus would have disagreed with the sentiment, but he wasn’t so good at hiding his true emotions anymore. That or Aether had learned to read him easier. The slight hint of a smile, the soft tone of his voice as he wistfully encouraged him to speak or be silent. It was a small comfort. One Aether relished. He could only hope Paimon would stay in the kitchens, bothering the cook for all the food she could muster. Perhaps, she’d eat until she was too tired to join them, dozing blissfully in a corner by the innkeepers. 

Just the thought made Aether giggle, catching Xiao’s attention and breaking the silence between them. He recalled a time when the Adeptus admitted to wanting to know all of Aether’s experiences in an attempt to learn and understand more about himself and mortals. This thought could be added to countless others as their conversations often began anew and moved on to so many topics he could hardly remember them all. But just when he was about to settle in to speak of his recent adventures in Sumeru, Aether finally noticed the small two-tiered box to the side, sitting beside one of the potted plants. “What's that?” He interrupted his own thoughts, head tilting to point out the curiosity. Xiao didn’t bother to look, already aware of what was around them. “Almond tofu,” he said, voice monotone as he raised a brow. Aether considered this and scrunched his nose. “That’s like.. Two servings more than you usually eat.” He pointed out. Xiao hummed noncommittally. “I .. still hadn’t finished what Xiangling made for me,” he admitted, glancing to his feet in a way that brought to mind a guilty child. “But then Yanxiao made my usual amount and I… I couldn’t eat it.”

The mention of the chef made it all clear. Of course. Yanxiao wouldn’t have known that a different cook all the way from the harbor had made the Adeptus an offering. Following routine explained the extra portions and the traveler made a decision. Breaking away from Xiao’s presence, he brought the tiered box to him. “Well, it’s only going to go bad if you keep leaving it out here so-”

“You should have some too.”

Aether froze. “What?”

There was a careful expression on Xiao’s face. Jaw tense, head tilted just enough to keep the shine of his citrine eyes from revealing any thoughts in his mind. If it were any other person, Aether would have sworn they were nervous, but Xiao.. nervous?

“You don’t have to,” he said a beat later. “I just…Thought we could share. You can tell me more of your travels. I’ll listen.”

Nothing else needed to be said. It was an offer that Aether was more than happy to take. 

Opening the tiers, he found spare chopsticks inside—silently noting the extra pair, but spared Xiao the embarrassment of being called out, and pulled them out. Handing one tier to Xiao, Aether sat his own share against the bannister and hummed pleasantly when he popped a piece of the textured pudding into his mouth. Sweet, but not overly so- with a sticky syrup that clung to his tongue. …with a…bit of spice? “Xiangling made this one, didn’t she?”

Xiao nodded, absentmindedly eating his own. “I didn’t dislike it. But it is different.”

“Not bad.” Aether agreed, but mischief seized him a second later as he added, “I like the one you make best though.”

Xiao uncharacteristically choked, grunting as he looked away again. He was doing that a lot lately, Aether noted. And he thought he caught the phrase ‘yours is better’ pass the Adepti’s lips, but couldn’t be sure. Laughing at his successful mission to fluster the mighty Yaksha of Dihua Marsh, he popped another piece into his mouth. 

“You grow less timid each time we meet,” Xiao stated, keeping a careful gaze on Aether as they enjoyed the dessert together. “Do you speak to your lover like this, as well?”

And just like that, Aether felt the entire world drop out from under him. His own bite of almond tofu lodged itself in his throat as his heart threatened to burst from his chest and attempt to fly off to worlds unknown. Coughing, he thumped his chest a few times to calibrate himself, not noticing when Xiao stepped closer, setting his own plate aside in concern. “Lover?” He gasped through another bout of coughing, eyes wildly searching Xiao’s for an explanation. “When have I ever- what…why would I-”

Somehow, Aether just knew, this was all Paimon’s fault.

“Traveler, are you-” With a hand raised, intent to possibly slap Aether’s back to help stave off his choking, Xiao reconsidered the action and watched the coughing subsided, his brows knitted together, perplexed. “Did I hear wrong, then?”

“Hear what?” Aether pressed, covering his face to hide the assured blush splashing across his cheeks and burning down his neck. He couldn’t face Xiao, not like this. Shame filled him. So smooth a second ago, only to have it torn from him by an almond tofu assassination attempt. “Please. Explain.”

“It…” Xiao paused, considering his next words, eyes whirling in quiet anticipation. “At the harbor. I heard… many things. The people there are convinced you have a lover. Are they mistaken?”

“Yes!” The embarrassed groan that escaped Aether could be heard across the marsh, hand smacking into the almond tofu, knocking it from the railing as it clattered to the balcony below. He’d have to apologize to Goldett later. “So…you...you heard all that?”

Xiao blinked, head tilting in a curious way that Aether had to ignore lest he be distracted by the cute action. “They were very loud about it. Did you not?”

Aether nodded, too flustered to voice the words in that moment. Of course he had. He’d hoped a silly Adeptus wouldn’t pay it any mind! “Ugh, I did, but- it was Paimon’s fault. She said something and rumors began to spread and I just-”

“Ah.” Realization gave Xiao pause as Aether trailed off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Anxiety gripped him, uncertainty filled his lungs and he felt, in that moment, that he needed to leave. To hide. Camp outside. Anything other than feel Xiao’s gaze as he processed this development. 

But he couldn’t. Not now. Not like this. Not while Xiao stared at him with a molten gaze that glued his feet to the deck. 

The tension in Xiao’s brow relaxed by the second as a sudden curiosity gripped him. His own plate was set aside, much more elegantly than Aether’s and he approached the traveler with a caution befitting an animal observing its surroundings. Once within the other's proximity, Aether’s mind shut down when Xiao’s gloved hand gripped his own, tugging it gently from his face. 

“If I’m not mistaken,” he began, voice low and considering, “while often false, rumors also grow through seeds of truth.”

Jaw slack, Aether gaped, the words whirling through his mind struck greater than a hurricane, but not a sound escaped. Nodding vaguely, he nervously gazed from Xiao to the potted plant behind him, examining the giant green leaves and the intricate designs along its holder. 

“Then…did you…” Conflict flickered in Xiao’s eyes and Aether noticed the signs before the Yaksha would often deny his own questions and leave. Despite the fast rate of his heart and mental shrieking, Aether felt the panic rise in his throat, the impending urge to ask him to stay boiling on the tip of his tongue. The flicker of doubt passed and Xiao pressed on, unaware of how it continued to rob Aether of his voice, “Feign drowning again, despite my reprimand?”

A second passed. Then another. Aether blinked in time with his own heart, puzzled. “Why would I have—I didn’t.” Had he missed a step somewhere? Xiao’s train of thought was moving quicker than his own, unable to focus. “Why-”

“If you hadn’t, Traveler,” Xiao continued, voice darkening with an edge Aether only heard when he was serious. “Then one could only assume the so-called lover that saved you was not, in fact, a mystery person, but myself. Correct?”

Aether’s mouth went completely dry and what blush he had quickly faded as the blood rushed from his face. He felt a chill down his spine, crawling along his arms down to the very tips of his gloved fingers. Another nod and he felt foolish. Why wouldn’t the words come, now when he needed them?

And why was his hand still firmly grasped by Xiao’s? He couldn’t think straight. And the intensity of Xiao’s narrowed eyes, glowing from the low-light of the sunset, made his skin crawl in ways he couldn’t begin to explain. 

“What is the truth?” Xiao spoke again, pulling Aether from his derailed and panicked thoughts with a gentle squeeze of his hand to ground him. “What did Paimon say to cause such bold claims?”

The dam in Aether’s lungs burst and before he could control himself, he answered. “I-I know it’s ridiculous to consider us together like that, but don’t be too angry with Paimon. She’s just full of mischief.” 

His eyes stung, but he blinked it away, pressing on in hopes to ease whatever wrinkles Xiao foresaw. “It was my fault anyway, I was so ashamed from worrying you that I left her to talk to everyone for me and she told only a few people that my crush had-”

He paused, eyes widening as he looked to Xiao, whose expression turned blank through his ramble. Aether couldn’t read it. Not this time. Wait, did Xiao understand what a crush was? “I’m sorry, I’m not making much sense-”

“You’re right. The thought of us together in a romantic capacity is ridiculous.” His voice was sharp, measured, but Aether felt as if acid had been flung at his face. He winced as Xiao’s grip tightened. “What an unnecessary passtime, spreading falsities over mere hearsay.”

Everything shattered. Aether’s bones. His very heart. He felt it cracking into millions of pieces. It wasn’t difficult to damage an already broken heart, desperately searching for the one person who could patch it back together again. Lumine’s absence always felt like knives when he stopped to think, to consider the implications throughout his journey and now… his throat felt swollen, robbed of breath: broken all over again. Xiao was always harsh when he wanted to be. His words sharper than daggers when he made a point. 

Don’t cry, Aether. Not here. Not now. He smiled a watery, broken grin, eyes blinking repetitively as his arm hung limply between them. Calm down. Don’t act as if you’ve been rejected when you weren’t even going to ask-

There was no masking Aether’s reaction. No time. His emotions were out on his sleeve, dangerously hanging over the edge. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d allowed himself to be so close to others until this world, and now every reason he and Lumine agreed not to in their younger days came spiraling back to the surface, screaming ‘I told you so’ repetitively in his mind. “Hah, y-yeah…Well, it’s just how we are.”

His voice was hollow, hoarse even, struggling to mask the tumultuous tsunami encompassing his entire being. Inside, he was tumbling down and further down, but his body didn’t move. Neither did his hand. Xiao’s grip was still strong. 

Xiao’s grip… Aether focused on it, blankly recognizing that despite the Yaksha’s words, his actions spoke differently. No longer meeting Aether’s eyes, his attention grew fixated on the bits of syrup clinging to his glove. In a moment of insanity, he realized Xiao must not have seen his obvious change in tone, a chance to bar his heart again. Lock it away and mask himself as he’d done before. Smile. Smile, Aether. Everything will be fine if you just smile. 

Contradicting the storm brewing in the traveler’s heart, the wind gently pressed against the two: soft and strong as it whistled through the branches above. The view of the night sky was a brilliant kaleidoscope atop the Wangshu Inn, but Aether couldn’t attend to it. Not now, when his gaze fixed firmly behind Xiao’s shoulder, desperately blinking back the emotions that threatened to drip. If he could manage to look unaffected, perhaps everything could revert to normal, but Aether wondered, amidst his mental struggle, what was normal? 

To stand back. Keep his distance. Treat Xiao as a weapon? No. The mere thought elicited an immediate rejection. Aether could never, not even when they had first met.  Even then, he was in awe of the adeptus. Xiao was the perfect mixture of belonging to the world, yet standing outside of it. Untouched by the world's changes as he valiantly struggled nightly to defend it. How could he see him as anything less?

“Fascinating,” Xiao’s voice broke through Aether’s spiraling thoughts, his grip tugging and lifting his hand towards him. Swiftly, Xiao shattered Aether all over again as his tongue swiped a patch of syrup from his glove, tasting the syrup. “You should remove this before it stains.”

What.  Aether couldn’t keep up, face blooming a brilliant red before he could catch himself. Covering his face, he met Xiao’s golden gaze, piercing into his own and struggling to breathe. 

“X-Xiao,” He choked, wrenching away his hand before another rug could be swept out from under him, “You really sh-shouldn’t -”

“Hm? Shouldn’t what?” The Yaksha blinked, considering his prior actions, and his own ears dusted a light pink. “Ah. Am I making you uncomfortable?” The space between them grew and for a wild second, Aether almost pulled him right back, but grasped the railing instead, grounding himself. 

Yes, he had to admit, he was very uncomfortable, but not for the reasons Xiao would think. “I’m fine! You just, can’t… well, if anyone saw, then those rumors would …”

Aether glanced towards the balcony entrance, relieved that no set of eyes could be found looking on upon them. Paimon was keeping her word, giving Aether space and the inn residents down below off to their rooms to prepare for sleep. They were as alone as they could be and Aether wondered if he preferred that over the alternative. His body was hot and broken, a confused combination that struck a headache behind his eyes.

“Are you ill?” 

Aether cursed as his broken movements were finally observed by the other. Shaking his head furiously, Aether turned his back on the other, leaning over the railing to judge the distance of the deck below, carefully considering a route to escape. He couldn’t go far, not without Paimon, but if he  moved quick enough he could-

Xiao was beside him before he could move further, hands hovering over his shoulder with eyes wide in alarm. Aether could see the way his hands wavered, questioning his own next move and, once upon a time, he would have found the action endearing, but now guilt settled in his gut and he swallowed back an embarrassed whine. “Traveler are you trying to-”

No. No. Don’t ask. Don’t-

“Aether.” 

He froze, the earlier panic settling in his bones melted away at the sound of his name. Unspoken in the world for so long, unsaid by voices he desperately wanted to hear. The memory of the chasm, the desperation he felt at Xiao’s sacrifice and…A whisper of his true name to a world that would never know it.

Xiao kept his promise to hold Aether’s name in secret, to allow just one person to recognize who he truly was. Funny, how hearing it sent his heart soaring and crashing down all at the same time. He was frozen in place far better than any elemental reaction could achieve, glancing back at Xiao in earnest.

Xiao had called for him by name. Xiao had.. 

“Xiao?”

The Yaksha looked upon him in trepidation, eyes glancing to the rail and back to Aether again. His expression was near unreadable as he crossed his arms: creating a barrier between them.  Aether knew the action, something Xiao would never admit, but often used to keep the space. Recognizing this obvious sign of Xiao’s pushing him away, he swallowed the desperate whine that threatened to escape him. Despite the multitude of emotions broiling through him, Aether read the Adeptus loud and clear: Xiao was conflicted.

The Yaksha in question considered his words carefully, striking eyes never leaving Aether’s as they wavered between unspoken words, fingers clenched tightly as he sighed, frustrated. “I told you. Speak my name, Adeptus Xiao, and I will be there for you.” 

Aether blinked. What was Xiao getting at?

“Likewise,” he continued, brows furrowing. “You said that heroes can take care of each other…that I can rely on my friends.” Realization slowly came to Aether, sensing the direction Xiao was taking them. “So then… if something is wrong. You can tell me…unless you are trying to spare my feelings?”

“It’s not like-” Words died in his throat as Aether tried to explain himself, but what could he say? He was stuck, lost in the murk of his own, confused, tired emotions.

“If my Karma is affecting you then just say so.” Xiao finished and everything exploded. Aether couldn’t take it any longer, biting back a humorless laugh as he shook his head, wildly flinging his braid behind him as he went. 

“You think that’s- Xiao, no. I’m fine. Really.” He pushed, urged the Yaksha to look beyond his Karma. It was slow progress, one he had seen with each visit, but he couldn’t let Xiao believe his actions had anything to do with the darkness that threatened the Yaksha’s sanity every day. At Xiao’s disbelieving expression, he pressed on, “I was embarrassed, Xiao. You really shouldn’t just lick syrup off of anyone like that-”

Xiao’s retort was as swift as his polearm, “Why would I ever do that to just anyone? Is this another mortal thing I’m unaware of?”

Aether was dying inside. The awkwardness was too much. Far too much. “It’s not something casual friends would do, Xiao. People - not just mortals- can and will take it the wrong way.”

At Xiao’s deafening silence, he felt the nerves crawl up his back and he shivered, unable to stop himself now that he started. “You know the rumors? If it’s so ridiculous for us to be together, isn’t performing something that could be misinterpreted as intimate going to muddle things up?”

Something lit in Xiao’s eyes and the Yaksha looked away, throat clearing as he gazed at the stars as if looking for some answer to a mystery that couldn’t be solved. “Humans believing a Yaksha deserving of a mate… a significant other, is ridiculous. Much less with a traveler who must journey onward and leave them behind.”

How many times could one have their breath stolen from them? Ice cold, metaphorical water, dumped itself over his shoulders, eyes widening at Xiao’s reply. Too many words wanted to sail through him all at once, but the winner came out, ringing clear as a sunny day and forceful. “Karma or no Karma, Xiao, you are more deserving than you give yourself credit.”

Like going in circles. How often had Aether thought the same thing about himself? He was on a journey, his sister and the mysteries of the abyss his top priority. How could he have time to romance? What happened after his journey? There were too many unknowns, too many questions, but to hear those same worries from another was surreal. He’d given too much of himself to Teyvat already. His time. His care. His strength, and to Xiao, he gave his name. A part of him would always be here, there was no escaping it, but Aether would be damned if he let Xiao continue to think himself unworthy of anything. 

Ignoring the broken pieces of his heart, he breached the barrier of Xiao’s crossed arms, pulling them apart despite the Yaksha’s confused grunt. There was a brief second where Xiao tensed, refusing to move, before giving in and letting him close the distance, almost furious in his attempt to hammer the self-doubt away. “Yan Fei is half Adeptus,” He rambled, thinking about the harbor's legal consultant, “She’s proof that a non-human can be with another." 

Xiao attempted to interrupt, but Aether shook his head, pressing on. “A Yaksha is different. I know. Believe me, I know, but…isn’t she still proof that it’s possible? Those with visions can be around you, Xiao...you don’t…You don’t have to be alone. You can be with someone. Anyone.”

He laughed, hollowly, knowing he was pushing through so many barriers, and it was crazy how his earlier feelings of rejection came second place to ensuring Xiao understood his own worth. Distantly, he realized his fingers were squeezing into Xiao’s forearms with a force strong enough to bruise a normal person, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Not just yet. Not now. 

“And Xiao…” He continued, voice filling in with a tone of finality, “Anyone-and I do mean anyone- would be honored to be chosen to stay by your side…if you wanted it.”

He clenched his eyes shut. Waiting for the scoff. For Xiao to push him back, to disperse into the anemo particles he controlled and leave him there, empty and alone. 

Yet, none of that happened. Xiao’s earlier grip returned, mirroring Aether’s hold. A blush of heat and warmth spread over his cheeks, realizing the Adeptus had closed the distance, stepping closer as a soft press of lips brushed along his skin. Not wanting to break the spell, to open his eyes and see reality, Aether held in a breath and waited. 

Seconds ticked by, but the presence never left and Xiao shifted, muttering against Aether’s ear, “...Am I allowed to want, Aether?”

Aether recalled a time when Xiao had claimed to have no desires, no aspirations, nothing. This question wrapped the pieces of his heart together and shattered them all over again. So many things about Xiao caused Aether a pain he couldn’t describe, often pushed back in response to other, pressing concerns. And yet those simple words left him weightless, arms wrapping around Xiao to hold him close, to bury his nose into the Yaksha’s shoulder, shaking from the force of his emotions. Was he allowed? How cruel this world could be, to leave someone so afraid of their own wants that they must ask to receive them. “I can’t give you permission. No one can. It’s your choice, Xiao. It always has been.”

Xiao was tense, uncertain where to place his arms, hesitantly they rested against his waist, allowing Aether to pull him tighter in, unaware of the way Xiao melted against him. 

A monumental shift had begun between them, one that left Aether breathless and unsure, but there were many things he didn’t know. That didn’t matter. As a traveler, he loved to explore the unknowns and this, this was as unknown as anything else in the world. To him and Xiao both. But the way Xiao’s next question put another piece of his heart back into place made Aether almost lose his footing. “Am I allowed to want you?”

Perhaps those rumors wouldn’t fade away, after all. Perhaps they were about to find a new addition to stoke the flames instead.  Aether expelled the air he was holding inside himself and knew the question for what it really was. They both knew the end of his journey was full of unknowns, they both knew he might choose to leave one day and yet - he tightened his hold and laughed through the tears welling in his eyes.

“I thought I was the one who asked dumb questions. He sniffled and blinked back the moisture, refusing to cry into Xiao’s shirt. “You can want anyone, but, is it okay for me to want, as well? I still haven’t brought Lumine back, and my journey is far from over, but-”

A shock of pain shot through Aether’s neck and he belatedly realized Xiao had nipped him with a sharp fang, effectively silencing him. The action was so strange and new that he couldn’t figure out where to begin. 

Satisfied by his silence, Xiao withdrew, eyes blinking owlishly as he examined Aether’s red-rimmed eyes. “Your questions are just as ridiculous as always, Traveler. Are humans not allowed to love, even if their goals lead them far away?”

Aether wanted to argue that he wasn’t half as human as many thought, but the argument was cut short, interrupted by the Yaksha pressing their foreheads together, eyes closed. “You can’t promise you’ll stay, just as I can’t promise my karma won't take me eventually. This is… fair enough.”

And it was, Aether realized. It really was. It would take time to process the whirlwind of a conversation they’d just gone through, but in Xiao’s arms, that didn’t seem too daunting a task. For now, they had the time, and the night was still young, with rumors still freshly spreading throughout the inn as Paimon finished her meal and blabbered on to Verr Goldett about one thing or another.  

Looking back to the night sky, he sighed, feeling a secure safety wrap itself around his heart, a certainty that despite all the unknowns of the world, he could at least have this. Xiao, just as silent, but comfortable, joined his gaze upward and sighed. “Perhaps,” he said after a time, voice breaking through the atmosphere of their shared emotions, “we can continue our earlier conversation. You said you had many stories about Sumeru. Could you tell me?”

Aether’s answering smile made his cheeks sore, but his eyes glittered in the starlight. And if their conversation continued well into the night, to be spotted by a few onlookers from the decks below for more gossiping rumors to spread along the harbor and beyond…

So be it.  Aether couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.

[chirpsythismorning]

I dont even think the tag is dead at all tbh. We were really spoiled last summer with 2k post per day, and something crazy happening everyday like Mikhailgate, scriptgate, sock anon or people impersonating Ross duffer, but if you check most tags on this app, that's rarely the case. The thing is, it's been a year since season 4 came out and we're still getting around 300 posts per day and I need people to realise how crazy that is. Before season 4 the tag had like 5 k followers and there could be days without a single post. The fact that it's been a year and we still surpass 200 posts, AND we've already made it through the most content drought phase of the hiatus (since filming is about to begin and we'll increase the daily posts again) is crazy. This tag is still very much active, even for a show that hasn't released any new content for a year. And also AO3 is still active. The fact that for a whole year, there's been writers who still update fics or create new ones everyday is something I'm not used to coming from other smaller fandoms.

I get it's a bit more boring right now and we are looking back to the may-august craze, but we've already made it through the worst and we only need to hold on for one more month

This is definitely the best way to look at it!

I think I’m also maybe sad bc a lot of familiar faces aren’t as active, like some folks I remember seeing daily are gone. Which is fine!

And even despite that you’ll see posts in the tag get like hundreds of likes, so there are definitely a lot of people still lurking just not posting. Which is also fine!

It’s so true though that we are a lot more active than we realize.

Tumblr in general I used to think of as like a no man’s land pre-s4 bc it tends to really only be active in specific fandoms where like the unity is on point bc the content is just rolling in.

So many fandoms reside here at a point, but dwindle over time, and I feel like we are very fortunate to have made a big space here bc it is a cool platform when you have a lot of people that like a certain thing and want to talk about it.

And we’re fortunate enough to be so massive and not only that but this is sort of just the beginning. Imagine how many followers we’ll gain leading up to s5, during and after…? Or the aftermath of people coming here to look at theories and be like YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT! All the queer fans who kind of talked down on us (understandably) for potentially falling for queerbait, joining in and being like wow this is surreal, it finally happened. It’s going to be magical.

For now I guess it just makes me wonder if I should take a break too?? Like seeing yourself over and over in the tag is almost a wake up call that I should step back like everyone else is for the time being? Bc like idk if it’s maybe annoying to see the same person over and over? Or if it’s just the reminder of how inactive things are and that’s what makes people step back too?

Not even a bad thing necessarily like you said, bc this is still an unprecedented case of a fandom being quite active despite the circumstances.

Honestly though, even if there isn’t much news going into May and in the couple months after it, beyond like the bare minimum of what we’re expecting, I’ll try to embrace it and maybe step back or even focus on more detailed posts instead of the day to day fodder.

I also hate myself for this, but I rarely go in the top posts tag??? I’m always like living in the recent posts part of it and that’s probably also the problem 😭

So reminder to anyone that’s like me who does the same, we gotta support more of us that have top posts too bc I will literally remember the top posts exists, go there, find absolute gems (obviously it’s top posts???) and then be like why the fuck don’t I come here more often??? That’s another way I could probably curb my disappointment about us not being as active as I’m used to. And it’s super simple.

There’s a lot of stuff like that I could do better at to contribute to the solution of this being a better experience for myself and other still active on here!

Thanks for the pep talk anón 😇🙏

[destroyallhumans]

This is really random, but I have gone through Much to find you (a google search, lurking around on tumblr, and talking to one person specifically—I literally got so lucky that they knew you holy shit)

Is there any possible way that I can make it easier for you to write the last part for the Stalemate bowigi fic you made in 2022. I beg of you. It’s so good and rich in plot and the fact it left on such a big cliffhanger kills me. I wanna see Mario get wreaked when Luigi goes back with Bowser because yeah, he did try as a brother, but a month and a half??? This BITCH. He saves Peach in a day, but it takes a month and a half to get to Luigi (after brutally murdering kupas AND knocking out his newly blossoming love interest and traumatizing the baby Bowser. He didn’t need to add any salt onto the wound and he still DID. Albeit, it was accidentally). The consistent loneliness that surrounds Luigi in the Mushroom Kingdom and the lack of actual effort most people around him put into checking in on him makes me so mad. They’re concerned, but not concerned enough to actually visit him personally. Props to Daisy for being an absolute bestie. Junior is so sweet, and Bowser is a mega softie (uhhhhhhh exempting the search team in the second fic. We just. Uh. Ignore that). Luigi makes Bowser a better person and Bowser actually sees Luigi.

This is all to say that I really, really like what you wrote

I absolutely get it if you’re out of the fandom and don’t feel like doing anything with it. I really just had to ask (and tbh feel really reassured bc it’s kind of scary to see users go inactive for years. It’s like, “did something happen??” So I’m really glad that it’s all good.)

Woah!

I actually started university around the same time that I posted those fics and then I was about to write the third part but got hit with a ton of work! That was in my first year in 2022, it’s 2024 now and I’m about to start my third year of university!

It’s so crazy that a silly fic I made for Bowser x Luigi got so popular (more popular than anything else I’ve written funnily enough) and I wrote it in like an hour haha. I still comments and messages every now and again on the Stalemate series and even on my tumblr! But this message really made me smile. I’m happy you enjoyed the series so much!! Truly, it makes me so glad <3

As for the future of the Stalemate series, I’m truly not sure :( I’m not really involved in fandom anymore with my university degree and my partner taking up a lot of my time. Additionally even though I wrote it in preparation for the Mario Movie, I still haven’t even seen it!

You know what? I’ll finally watch the movie tonight, and if I feel inspired then I’ll write a third part :3

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m genuinely very flattered <3

[muridae3]

Okay, now that I have all of that posted...

Hello! My name is Muridae, and I like to write. I finally made myself a tumblr after YEARS of lurking, and I am so excited to see what this hellsite has in store for me!

[edwinspaynes]

Hey hey hey Shadowhunter’s It-Girl (yes i meant it, when i said you ARE the it queeen)

RE Feel good vibes!

OMG just readingggg through your wonderful message and how deliciously indulgent your replies are gave me mad feel good vibes and made me want to bedoink a hammer on my head for not doing it sooner!!!!

I am so glad to hear you’re visiting Japan! What prompted you to want to go there? Like walk me through that brain thought 😊.

Re Dead Boy Detectives!

I am veryyyy aware of your love for Dead Boy Detectives! I love how much you love them! And massive fingers crossed that it gets renewed for a season 2! I know on the ends of comics (non exclusive to just the Dead Boys ongoing but also Fables, Sandman essentially everything that ISN’T batman or a superhero comic) tends to be very much on the ‘unlikely to get a run’ so i’m always fingers crossed. YK? CUZ I GET IT.

Re Book recs

Thank you sooooo much for the lovely book recs! Even if their random if you have more please let me know them! And who/and what do you think a shadowhunter character would react while reading it, or if they would reccomend it to another internally? 🤭

Re Matthewwwwwwwwww

Also a bit of a, in medias reas inserted ask- If TMI is fall, and TID is winter, and TDA is Summer… what do you think is the most appropriate synergistic time to read/reread TLH? Wicked Powers does give me for some reason Spring vibes. But maybe it will be Summer cuz Los Angeles and all… ANYWAY would love to know your thoughts on that!

And OMG, LOVEEEE That Matthew is with his golden retirever! have you managed to sus out from easter egg droppings any intel on his ship? If its a she…? or him… or they.?

Re Asking the It-Girl of Shadowhunters to potentially give me the low down of what i have missed from the fandom these past two-three months i have been away!

I really am soooo out of the loop on all recent happenings and shiftings and lurkings in the fandom? Have there been any? Any new releases? Any new CC updates?

Have you bought anything new shadowhunter related? Like either in terms of art… or memorabilia?

Finally, my kickstarter box hasn’t been shipped either girlie! I am right there with you!!!!! I am not really that mad because I feel like i know this might sound weird, but even from my hiatus of Shadowhunters i still felt really well fed with all the lovely bonus chapters you always post! I loveddd two days ago the newly posted James and Cordelia’s Primemark Adventure bonus chap for example. It just REALLY Just is so well written AND it always satiates that era and time period of London so deeply!

Cheers to more ❤️‍🔥🌈🌈🌈🤗

JAPAN! So one of my best friends lives there. She's dear to me. I'm visiting her! But also, I've wanted to go to Japan since I was a little kid because I grew up in a Japanese language/culture immersion program. So this is like, a lifelong dream coming true!

I'm going to do TSC blorbo book recs in another post :) Just for you!

Honestly, TLH is always going to give me spring vibes. (Oddly, this is probably my strongest time-of-the-year TSC association - it's just such a gentle and comforting series, like a breezy spring day with flowers blooming after the frost is gone for the year.) I associate it from start to finish with light academia pastel vibes and dewy flowers, and the end of ChoT is New Beginnings incarnate.

Here's a recent commission I bought that reflects the Vibe of TLH for me! It's on my wall now. :)

But yes, agree that TID is winter (for Wessa proposal lmao) and that TMI is fall based on Vibes. Not sure about TWP yet since I've only read the first chapter, I'll wait and see what I think when it comes out!

Re: Matthew ship! We got a snippet (now on Cassie's Tumblr) that brought up a young man named Sylvain Allard. I thought from Moment 1 that he was probably Matthew's love interest.

Catching Up With the Fandom.

Some stuff you may have missed!

Matthew snippets one and two. three. The novella is called A Sea Change! Matthew art is what I showed you before.

The Matthew sticker was accidentally excluded from the first KS box, so he will be arriving fashionably late in the same box as his novella.

The Thomas journal is unfortunately paperback rather than hardback as advertised. This has disappointed me, but it's okay.

I assume you got the Better in Black list, but if not, it's Wessa, Herondaisy, Thomastair, Arianna, Clace, Sizzy, Sebastian/Seelie Queen, Luke/Jocelyn, Blackstairs, and Kierarktina.

First chapter of TWP has been making the rounds via DM, I have indeed read it. It met my expectations. Let me know if you want me to DM it to you.

Anddd....

I'm so glad that you have been enjoying my "bonus chapters!" I hope to have one I'm currently working on up in a couple of days. We shall see. :)

I'm not upset that my box hasn't shipped, there are four (4) people shipping out like 10,000 boxes. It's gonna take a while, and it's okay. I'll be happy when it gets here!