#I feel they are like oh yeah we have a lot of friends: Alois and... ... ... ... Alois.

[dasmondkuss]

So, how did Dominicus "survive" (or cope with the situation) after coming back to Italy? How did this situation impact his life/character? What kind of mental scars does he have? Is he able to speak about what happened back then? And why did he decide to come back to Alois? And stay?

@lured-into-wonderland

FIRST, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS. MUACK!

Now. When Dominicus returned to Italy, he broke down before his Nonna. He didn't explain much and said he had missed his family. He cried for all the times he couldn't, and his Nonna always caressed his back in circular motions and held his hand until he calmed down.

The Nonna didn't believe him and doesn't believe him to this day. But if his good Dominicus doesn't want to talk about it, then he must have a good reason. It took Nonna forever to understand this; it was more like she had to give up on the matter.

Dominicus decided to stay away from journalism definitely, so when Alois asked him to come to work with him, he refused at first, so Alois told him we would hire him in the company as an editor for governmental paperwork regarding his visa, but Dominicus does management instead, and of course, he is also Alois's personal assistant and housekeeper. But Alois and him are such clean freaks that the house keeps itself, lmao.

Dominicus drinks a lot. He already had a couple of cups before Morocco, but now he has about three bottles of wine a week and some beer while he cooks. Dominicus' drinking habit doesn't impair him, but it will have a cost on his health when he grows older.

There are also days when he has panic attacks and days when he is entirely lethargic. It's usually due to a nightmare that was triggered by seeing blood, someone screaming out of nowhere, and somebody talking to him about the news when he doesn't watch or read them anymore.

When he found out about Alois being a serial killer, he spent a month in the hospital with a bunch of different diagnoses that quite never explained his symptoms. He recovered when his mind made a weird click about despite Alois being a serial killer, Alois was there for him day and night, worried to death about him, demanding answers, paying for all the bills, and there was a time when Alois joked that he couldn't die because who would check on his Italian grammar, Alois started crying. Back in Morocco, Alois said that he'd only make it through if Dominicus was by his side, but Dominicus was also making it through because Alois was by his side.

Regarding the events in Morocco, he only speaks about them with Alois, and that happens once every two years? When they are in private, during a long conversation, that leads them to that point where they need to vent something. But other than that, the memories are too bitter to discuss. Maybe Dominicus would like to talk more about it with Alois, but it's too demanding on him, and he won't put Alois through it.

He never wanted to leave Alois in the first place. He had decided that Alois was his to care for, but bureaucracy wouldn't let them have it that way. They didn't have a plan about how to stay together other than visiting each other every once in a while. Then, life hit Dominicus quite hard in the sense of finding a job because he quit journalism, and he also had to begin to provide for the family economically, which made him prioritize other aspects than returning to Alois.

Alois, of course, was the one to help him in this period of his life. Once he was back, Dominicus knew that he didn't wish to be anywhere else. He hates Germany, he dislikes Germans, and the language is gonna get him killed one of these days, but despite all that, he doesn't get to feel as peaceful back in Italy as he used to.

Dominicus loves his family; he visits them frequently. But being with Alois calms his nervous system. He needs to hide everything that happened to his family, and his family asks him why he doesn't pick up his degree and start working; they're inquisitive regarding those aspects, and he can only lie so much. Dominicus didn't change much regarding his enduring and nurturing nature with his family, but because of his PTSD, he doesn't feel as connected to them as he used to. He became more closed off to everyone around him because he still feels strong, but deep down, he is confused and uncertain about almost everything.

Alois knows Dominicus much better than any other family member at this point. Dominicus can feel at ease around Alois because he doesn't have to pretend to be anybody else. He can be the strong, yet shattered Dominicus, and that's something unique. Dominicus would never even entertain the idea of leaving.

Alois and Dominicus know that their future includes each other, it doesn't matter what it brings.

[robinpixels]

Have you ever thought about how much worse the dynamic between Beta and the Zeniths are, when you do up the timeline and realize she could be as young as fourteen/fifteen? In no way a developed socially adept child because she grew up with freaking holograms and had no positive physical contact?

If you ignore the age bit. Beta probably only knows physical touch through the Specters and maybe some robotics around the ship. The first time she has physical contact that’s nice isn’t even from Aloy. It’s from Varl. And then he gets brutalized and she has no one to hug her or pull her close because Aloy is also socially inept (and possibly 19/20). Zo is trying to deal with the loss of not only the guy she liked but her baby’s dad. The others aren’t even sure how to connect. Though Erend might cause he’s a sibling.

But just. Does anyone else realize how traumatized Beta actually is and how much worse it is for her?

Opinion or your own thoughts? Cause this has me very concerned for how Beta could be mentally for the next game.

oh hello!! haha, god its been so long since i've put my hzd/hfw thinking cap on but i love chattin' shop and opinions and i've a few to toss around

to start around my thoughts personally i've always interpreted beta from the time we know her to be about 18! not from any hard concrete evidence, so this is definitely not a correction, i just gleaned so from initial impressions and from a personal bias in my head how its quite poetic to me if Aloy were staring back at someone that could resemble a version of herself back when she first started her journey. Then lending to her personal frustration when said mirror doesn't in actuality resemble her (or Lis, in her view) at all. its even more devastating to me in this sense too 'cuz what she could have had as a 'childhood' is essentially already all gone. but yeah, long story short - while if i'm honest i don't think she's a child anymore, she is definitely very much so floundering and struggling in her young adulthood (i still stand by how she's depicted in False Negative, like that's just Her to me, Tessa u absolute wonder u).

god, ur probably right about her not having positive physical contact all this time - either violence or nothing up until the point she meets the GAIA squad. the concept of the bond beta and varl could have had always makes me SO sad to think about, it could have been so good, and personally it does frustrate me how they never leaned more into it to the detriment of both varl and beta. they could've had such a beautiful meaningful friendship (please pardon 'Ro is Annoyed at How Varl was Treated as a Character In-Story, Part Infinity, but this does touch upon it). It's undeniable she's been through a whole hell of a lot in that brief span of time she was on Earth and away from the Zeniths - the whole crew has, and as trauma does it's definitely gonna leave them all scrambling.

but in my wholesale opinion i gently pat ur head and assure you she will probably be alright at the end of the day! while FW was imo incredibly garbled in its delivery in places it does make clear that coming together to form a community to withhold against adversity is the goal here, and one everybody at Base recognizes and I feel are making great strides to get there! i have faith in this motley crew - Alva is Alva, bubbly and cooperative as ever; Kotallo's stoic but incredibly warm and well-meaning; Erend is Erend, he's always been good to his friends; Zo as an Utaru probably knows better than anyone the importance of community support and cooperation. as for Aloy i think she's taken that good bopping to the head in regards to learning to depend on people and letting people depend on her - she's got a lot of solitude issues herself as is to be expected but it really did warm me seeing how she's trying to get over them for the sake of everyone around her, and is enjoying finally leaning on that community too. my most precious babygirl. i'm very proud of her

i'm absolutely positive beta is in astoundingly good hands - they're all in astoundingly good hands w one another! it's been so cute to me how post game you can tell she's starting to heal and engage with others, just how the team had done before and after her. While absolutely I think they're all going to have their missteps and stresses and maybe a falling out here or there as they try and adjust, I honestly think the horizon series is at its core all about having compassion and care for your fellow man (albeit taking no shit from them at the same time) and the world you live in, so I doubt any of them will even accidentally leave Beta behind. she's got a sister, a mom, and a wholeass family now!! i adore how all the post-game content has been beta shyly but slowly but surely getting better, determined as she is to contribute the ways she can now.

hahaskdaflj; you were probably expecting an angstier response out of me and oh believe me i love the angst!! but i also have such a soft spot for when horizon goes all Indomitable Human Spirit on us it makes me go all gooey. i think the kids will be alright <3

on a funnier note to an extent i believe in beta precisely BECAUSE she's already a little unhinged. girl came in with the box already banged up and inherently fucked up. yeah miss beta 'let me just knock myself out cold and tear this implant directly out of my head that'll thwart em' sobeck will fit right alongside that hall of madness now known as Base GAIA she'll do just fine and dandy. i've gotten such a taste for unhinged sapphics lately and when horizon delivers it DELIVERS

[ferinehuntressmoved]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙  𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙  𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓  𝘊𝘈𝘕  𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠  𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌  𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙  𝘈  𝘓𝘖𝘛  𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

NAME :　Panda

PRONOUNS :　She / Her

PREFERENCE  OF  COMMUNICATION :　Discord. While I can use tumblr dms, I most likely might miss them. Discord is the best form of communication for me.

NAME  OF  MUSE(S) :　Primary muses are Caitlyn Kiramman & Ahri. Secondary are Mel Medarda & Aloy. Tertiary are Elora & Vi. By Request is Nidalee & Janna

EXPERIENCE  /  HOW  LONG  (  MONTHS  /  YEARS? ) :　Holy shit, you want me to count that far back. You want me to tell you how old I really am!?! So, I started to roleplay when computers were pretty new to houses. YES! I was one of those kids that was graced by the first computers in houses! I think my first computer was a IMB one or something, but I started playing on a computer with internet back in 2000. My parents didn't have a lot of money so we couldn't get an earlier computer; this was a gift from a friend at church for me. It had Windows 98 I think or something. I don't know.

Anyway, got distracted, but when that  came around, one of the first forums every I think that had roleplaying on the web was called Avidgamers. I played Pokemon as a self insert character. One liner diaster writer I was. So yeah, I've been roleplaying for about 23 years now, but in terms of writing, I have been writing stories since I was 9 years old, so that is about 26 years (I use to also write self insert stories in Sailor Moon or Pokemon or things like that XD). Anywho, I went on a tangent, anyone who reads this your amazing.

BEST  EXPERIENCE :　Oh man, I'm not sure. There are so many things that could be my best. I use to own forums before, I had some amazing partners. I miss them dearly and I hope they are doing amazing things now. Honestly, I think its just the level of growth I've had over the years. From going to being a self-insert writer who could only write a line or two, to now trying to expand my writing and doing more. To be more quality then quantity, but also meeting partners who absolutely challenge me to write better and be better. I want to be good for people, but there are those partners that absolutely push me to try even harder and be even better.

RP  PET  PEEVES  /  DEALBREAKERS :　I'm not saying this is a pet peeve? but I typically stray away from one liners or massive purple prose writing that I don't understand what I'm reading. While I never deny anyone's choice of writing, these are the things I tend to stay away from because I personally cannot write them. I  can't really say what my pet peeves are? I probably have some but I don't know of the top of my mind.

MUSE  PREFERENCES  FLUFF,   ANGST  OR  SMUT :　I am, hands down, an absolute fiend for angst. I know it might be overwhelming for some people but I really find it carthatic for myself? and have a double enjoyment of angst that turns to fluff. I like to call it Angsty Fluff, or Fluffy Angst. The bonding of two people in difficult moments whether that is fighting to survive death or helping someone through a rough period. Two people, bonding and encouraging each other is something I really enjoy to write. I also don't mind writing smut, I actually enjoy it but I do tend to write smut with people who I heavily plot with often.

PLOTS  OR  MEMES :　Plots. While I post memes a lot, I do try to create a plot line to those memes too. I need some kidn of foundation. I am not looking for a written out script we have to follow to a T, that's not what I mean. What I am looking for is just like this idea to build around, maybe even talking about our muses connections and waht they are dealing with at the time. That kind of foundation and design really helps me feel more connected to our msues and the writing. I love memes, but I tend to only continue memes with people I plot with a lot.

LONG  OR  SHORT  REPLIES :　I love long threads. like you don't have to apologize for anything because I thrive on really long replies. I have had replies go up to 1.5k words, which absolutely thrills me. The shortest replies I can do is maybe 2 paragraphs. Any shorter then that, and I tend to loose interest and have to drop it.

BEST TIME TO WRITE :　Honestly, no idea. I am far more productive at night my time (CST). I tend to stay up til 2 or 3am.

ARE  YOU  LIKE  YOUR  MUSE(S) :　Caitlyn is very much my muse, so much so we relate on many different levels. I understand her deeply and I'm very connected to her. As for my other muses, yes and now. But caitlyn, hands down, is almost like a part of me that I get to write fully.

➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 [ : ] @knifvd - Thank you dear ♡ ➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆��𝐍𝐆 [ : ] @shimmerbeasts, @hexcoremagician, @goldenfists, @futureforged, @goldusk, @gauntlets-shot, @blackrosesmatron, @angelicxlly, @dynaisms, @decidentia, @demacianhcart, @jynxd, @piltover-sharpshooter, @powdied, @ofspvrta, @undercity-prodigy, @torntruth, @tricoloredillusion, @realmyths, @weavertali, and anyone else who wants to.

[saph-y]

What inspired you to do the wonderful nomads story and what helped shaped the setting and ideas around it and the characters?

Oh yeah a NOMADS RELATED QUESTION ! *vibrating* (sorry. I'm sure a lot of you know what it is to talk about personnal projects xD)

I think first I'll never repeat enough that this universe isn't mine but @selkys'. She came up with the post-apo setting and the vast majority of its concepts and characters, I merely poke around it. ...Ok, I do it a LOT. But still.

But the core ideas have been around for way longer than my involvement in it ! Long story short, I started when Selkys invited some of her friends (same french team who was very into swtor ocs a few years ago, I'm sure most of you are here from this time period !) to roleplay in this universe, where she had previously done tabletop and written rp, as well as planned a novel in it. That is how I created Siv.

(For fun : here's an art comparison I made on patreon a while back !)

Several campaigns with several players started and eventually died out - life reasons, mainly... But around the time of the second french lockdown (I think ?) Selkys proposed me to pick up our story again, and both of us got reaaaally involved and naturally started to expand with more characters, more plots, more concepts ! It became less of a rp with a game master and a player, but more of a big ass four hands novel and worldbuilding... if that makes sense ?

It's been our main creative sandbox for a while now, where we just throw whatever we feel like, and I know we're both so happy with being able to have this collab going on♥ I doubt Selkys will read that because she's no longer on tumblr but I'm so so lucky and grateful for it 🥺

...And now I realize this wasn't exactly the question xD What shapes the setting or characters these days is generally just our fancy and what fits right in the story, I couldn't be more specific unless given a specific character or element to talk about !

But for a few examples for fun ?

- moving the action to a desert region was definitely influenced by Dune. We did wanted to go there because it was already in the worldbuilding and we had plot ideas for it, but seeing the recent film (the first one) was definitely a "hell yeah lets do desert survival !" moment xD

(we're not subtle about it, or anything, because we just do that for fun) - Jasper exists because one day I showed and old art from my skyrim dragonborn to Selkys and she found him pretty so we transposed him in Nomades (yep. Jasper was my Skyrim dovahkin xD even tho he had another name/not quite the same look ofcouse.) He's a mix of a nordic, HZD Aloy, Prince of Persia and a shit ton of other things...

(this is his design sheet ! The black makeup is totally stolen from Skyrim - and classic viking representation of course. The bow is Aloy's. His core story "banned for exploring secrets of the past" is too !) - Siv was inspired by ...nothing in particular, I just wanted a character that "didn't fit" in her hometown so that she could leave it. - Archibald gained the longest legs in the world, his flirty side and much of his looks when Selkys got into Lupin the Third.

[uhhhyaenbyjade]

@mimbotomy tagged me in a fun tag game for fanfic writers, so here's my answers!!!!

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 62 total works, and I am so disappointed in a lot of them ��

What's your total AO3 word count? 339,839 words!

What fandoms do you write for? Lately I've been working a lot on fics with AC: Odyssey, Monsterverse, and VicTORIous. However, I did recently do a fic for Mean Girls (2024) and I used to write a lot for BNHA/MHA, when I was very big on that fandom, but all those fics are really bad and cringe so I try to pretend they don't exist. I also have some batfamily fics, and a few for Dynasty. A few oneshots here and there with that fic being my only work in the fandom. And how could I forget, Horizon!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Confidence - What a Hero Needs - this annoys me so much, it was my first fic, EVER. I wrote it 4 years ago, and it's still my most popular, I've written much better stuff. I've even REWRITTEN THIS ONE AND THE OG IS STILL MORE POPULARR GKHDGHJHWJHK Apects Unknown - or are they? - a fun batfamily and wonderbat based fic off of my own mini-universe. Very cute, and very proud of this fic Perseverance - What a Hero Needs - the immediate follow up to Confidence. Again, I've written a lot better stuff "What? I like hero merch!" - My favorite crack fic I've written. Also BNHA/MHA based, but this was just fun and cute Among (Us) the Villains - yet another BNHA/MHA fic, but this time it's based about Izuku being friends with the LoV. And gaming with them. Made around the time of Among Us, hence the title

Do you respond to comments? I try, especially once I post something new. But honestly, a lot of my responses end up being just hearts or "thank you's" and it personally makes me feel like I'm being disingenuine when i respond with them too much

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I suppose Kumandra's Heart? But that was more sad than angst, I think?

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Pretty Girls, my Mean Girls (2024) fic!!!! I love this one so much, it's one of the few I go back and reread often! Basically a rewrite of the movie to be a lot gayer.

Do you get hate on fics? Oh yeah, there was this one marvel fic I did, and this one commenter was really mad that I wasn't going exactly as canon dictated. Because of course

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have a few fics with smut, and it's mainly kink-based. Definitely love involved too, but very kink-based.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Yes! I enjoy it a lot! My craziest one would probably have to be the one I'm currently writing, combining the Assassin's Creed universe and Legendary's Monsterverse. It's called Ancients Risen Anew, and based on Kassandra joining MONARCH after the G-Day event in 2014!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge! I made all my fics available only to registered users for the purpose of keeping them as safe as I can while still sharing them.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope! Would love to see it happen though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope! It sounds interesting to do though!

What's your all time favorite ship? I would have to say Jade West/Tori Vega. The good old classic gay couple from Nickelodeon, as much as we hate how that era of TV was behind the scenes. A close second would probably be Aloy/Seyka, from Horizon. I just love them so much, they're my little blorbos (i think i used that term right :D)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a few, but I'll talk about Cascade for now. It's the marvel fic I mentioned earlier, and I kinda lost all interest in marvel recently. The last media I saw was The Marvels, and I enjoyed it a lot, but I kinda got oversaturated with too much Marvel stuff, and not enough of it was as amazing like Shang-Chi was to make me wanna stay interested. Will definitely watch the stuff I'm interested in though (anything with Kate Bishop and Yelena)

What are your writing strengths? Hmmmm, tough one. I would say lore. I love writing lore and explaining lore. I am also very good at writing outlines.

What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes. Especially fast paced ones. I love the choreography in movies, but how am I supposed to translate the fast-paced combat into writing in a way that feels natural????

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I have done this for a short story! Please go check it out, its non-fandom related so it didn't get traction, but oh my god i did so much research for it and I love it. It's called Children of Níðhǫggr!

First fandom you wrote for? Boku no Hero Academia / My Hero Academia. Please, end me

Favorite fic you've written? How the fuck am I supposed to choose just one?!??!?! I'll limit myself to five, to keep this short, lol Ink & Sparks - which is my favorite Jade West/Tori Vega fic. I rewrote it several times, and the version linked is the best one I've done. Please check it out, I love it so much! There's More To Life Than Surviving! - Honestly, this one is a contender for top fic. A crack fic, but for Ninjago! Loved it a lot The Titan of the Pearl - A very nice fic I wrote combining the Pirates of the Caribbean and Godzilla. Because I can Kumandra's Heart - A slight ending rewrite of Raya, the Last Dragon, which is my personal favorite Disney Princess movie Pretty Girls - the Mean Girls (2024) fic I mentioned earlier. I love this one so much, and like I said, I keep going back to reread it, that's how much I enjoy it Going to tag @aeide, @hartlesshart, @foibles-fables, and @spectres-n-knights for this! And if anyone else wants to, please go ahead!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Regalla

Well, first there was the Stuff at Base to deal with.

Poor Erend. He tries to brush off the squishy stuff but he is just this ... big dumb loyal marshmallow wrapped in steel and I just want to hug him.

I do love the viewpoints and moods we get from this group. Zo is ... I have a suspicion about a thing, but overall she's ... maintaining. Alva ... is probably not used to this level of setback, just because of how setbacks are dealt with among the Quen, so obviously she's entirely at sea about how to bounce back. Kotallo is moving on to the next battle because he can't mourn the dead until all the battles are done, just so he knows how many of the dead to mourn - and besides, that's his people. And Erend ... see above re: big dumb loyal marshmallow.

Zo wants to speak to me before I can do anything else? Okay. So now I get to confirm why she's so relatively calm, because that kind of thing is generally--

...okay, first? There is so much beauty in this game, even in its saddest moments, and I will bask in this until--

Yep. Relatively calm because she carries a piece of him, literally. It'll be interesting to see how that little one is raised. (And as a friend of mine pointed out, Sona's lost both of her children now. Though I guess she probably accepted that she lost Varl when he left the Sacred Lands. That's still kind of a Nora thing.)

Also like I was telling this friend of mine? It did have to be Varl, not only for thematic reasons, but for narrative ones. We needed Kotallo, Zo, and Alva as anchors to the current part of the world we're in. We still need Kotallo because we still have things to deal with as regards the Tenakth. Alva will not only be needed in terms of information about the Ancestors, but may also serve as a link to follow in the next game (assuming there will be one, but this doesn't feel like it's going to be over when we punt the Zeniths off our planet; nothing's that simple in this series). Zo ... well, narrative aftercare at minimum, since she's carrying Varl's child. And Erend? Well, he was a possibility, but he was too obvious a possibility, to start with. I mean, come on; he's a beatstick who deals with problems by charging headfirst into them. He's learning a bit of strategy now, but his death wouldn't have the same narrative weight because it's kind of expected from someone who goes into melee with Bristlebacks and who you know would die for you without a second's hesitation. Varl? He's been with Aloy since nearly the beginning. He taught her so much. He wasn't just a Rost for Beta - he was what Rost should have been for Aloy; Rost just didn't know how to be that. He tried to get Aloy to embrace life with the tribe, but he thought the only way was to separate himself from her entirely. Varl spent the last two games walking the line between "what tradition demands" and "what my friend needs", and choosing the latter every time. His world became so vast when he left the Sacred Lands. There were few enough places with narrative weight left for him to go. I've read at least one review that said they wanted to see more of Varl's character arc and that only annoys me because a) we saw a lot of it anyway and b) the only way we could have seen more of it was if it had been him as the main character and not Aloy.

(Yeah, it felt like half the reviewers at minimum would have very much preferred that Aloy be male. They don't like how bossy she is, they think she isn't likeable ... all these things that just get a pass when it's male characters being like that. I hate it.)

Okay. Let's see if flying on a Sunwing will ease my pain.

..................................WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(I mean ... it really kinda does.)

I FINALLY GET THAT TALLNECK WOO!

I should take a break but ... no. No, I am going to finish off those rebels. I'm done.

YOINK.

Ooooooooooooohohohoho this is awesome.

Okay, what now?

Melee combat with minimal space, that's what. Oh, get fucked.

Right. A little more space. Not much, but...

...You know what? You don't deserve precision or clean shots. For you, Regalla? I'm bringing out the very well upgraded legendary hunter bow. And the fire arrows. BURN!

It is so satisfying watching her be on fire.

Soooooooooo ... I get to throw her at the Zeniths? Really? Yes. Okay. I will do that. Kotallo can keep her honest, and that's what she wanted to do anyway, thanks to Sylens--

Oh. Speaking of. Message from these Prometheus people, which meeeeeeans...

Hi, Sylens. How's the everything? Your plans went tits-up? Yeah, good, because yours were made of dickhead. AGAIN. You want APOLLO? You follow my plans. Because I have them, yes. And I finally, finally know more than you do.

So I am going to get everybody - friends, foes, annoyances - into my base and we're going to do this shit. But to give everybody time to get there ... I have a couple of flight-related side quests to deal with.

Ah, there are those assholes who attacked Tide's Reach. One just wants to ... die on a tiny spit of rock, okay.

Okay, raider rebel jackasses, what building did you climb--?

Oh, this is going to suck for my usual methods of combat...

Melee combat, on a very tiny ledge, with a very long drop I HATE THIS SO MUCH.

Well, I got through it anyway. Now to that one last shelter I couldn't get because I needed flight--

GREENSHINE SLAB YAY!

Now is a good time to take a proper break. I have one more side quest and then I think endgame. I can wait for NG+ for anything really to do with the arena etc.

Yeah, I require an actual meal, and bath, and all that good stuff. But ... lots of thoughts, lots of feels, and holy fuck I forgot how much I love flying mounts.

[mehoymalloy]

fanfic writer questions

Thanks for the tag, @foibles-fables!

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

29!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

286,054!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Most frequently, Critical Role, though I still have a few WIPs in Horizon and Stray Gods that I absolutely intend to get back to eventually.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm fudging this question a bit, because the lower three are all the same series from back when I first started writing two years ago. Unsurprisingly, Sing for Me (SG, Rated E) and Prometheus Bound (HFW, Rated M) are the heavy hitters, followed by the Tilda POV series with a slightly more modest kudos count. After that comes Through Eyes of Grace (SG, Rated T) and Mutually Assured Destruction (HFW, Rated E).

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do! I think the only fic I didn't respond to most comments was When the Darkness Comes, since it was 30 chapters posted all at once. It somehow felt like skewing the stats (which I realize is silly; I'll likely respond to all comments on any on-going long-fics, after all). But yeah, I like to lavish love and gratitude and enthusiasm onto commenters, since they go out of their way to do the same for my stories~

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Prometheus Bound BY FAR.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably my entry for the Horizon Rare-Pair Round Up event: Radiance.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my face or in my fic comments. Or even out in the wild very much, to my knowledge.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep! Enemies to enemies who FUC- I mean, lovers. A lot of focus on zoomed in physicality details and hard feelings from characters who would rather do anything than acknowledge their feelings (like idk hate fuck it out). I joke but I also have some softer smut for Stray Gods and my Moon Moms AU.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I never have!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but my lovely friend @inomakani and I now have multiple fic ideas/drafts we like to scream at each other about, and we'll write them together as well, one day~

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Do I even have to say it? I mean, I will happily shout it from the rooftops: IMOGEN/OTOHAN!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmmm... There's an old draft called "Aloy is ticklish" that was a fluffy lil Aloy and the GAIA Gang+Talanah one-shot that I likely won't dust off ever again for no particular reason.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Succinct-ish but evocative setting description, I like to think. Internal feelings, and how they're expressed externally through small details in body language. And Tension, of course.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue; "would they say that??" is a recurring question for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I would do so if needed for characterization purposes!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Horizon! Specifically, Horizon Forbidden West!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh wow that's a hard one... Since I'm in the midst of plotting (and now writing!) its sequel, I'll say Let Me Lay Waste to Thee. It's my first (well, thee first) Imogen/Otohan fic that kicked off my love for this beautifully fucked up ship :3

It's a free for all tag, folks! So feel free to snag and tag me~

[faroreswinds]

Scarlet Blaze - Chapter 10

This is where an Important Decision TM is made that changes the course of the story. I’ve decided to do both on different save files, and then play each side of the story per chapter at the same time. One of the playthroughs will go on to be NG+. The other is just for story comparison’s sake. 

And now, for my notes.

Story

So Claude is doing a strange attack formation, to limit causalities. Hilda has really matured here. She’s expressing her doubts and being.... pretty cool, honestly. 

Claude talks about possibly breaking the pact when the situation calls for it. 

Damn, the Kingdom brought peace to an area, and now they are actually getting marched on. They are surrounded. 

Ah, Jeralt’s mercenaries are back on the Kingdom’s side.

Makes sense for such quick reform to maybe cause revolts. 

Dimitri and crew agree reforms are needed, but after experiencing painful aftermaths of quick reform themselves via Lambert, they believe in doing it slowly. This is a more honest form of writing here, it’s logical how everyone has come to these conclusions and being honest that revolts are something that can happen. Even the Alliance, despite currently being allies with the Empire, have their grievances with the quick changes. 

Byleth has now been given a Knights of Seiros sword. I wish it actually meant something more, like symbolism. 

Rodrigue will be here, oh boy.

Gee, Dorothea, it is ok if the faces aren’t familiar? 

Randolph is.... just here. I guess to make his death feel more impactful when it happens?

I guess Arval can just... sense Sothis’ power. Because Arval is freaking out right now. 

Why do we always have to rescue or recruit the pathetic lords of Foldan? Yesh.

Yuri is pretty cut-throat here. He has no mercy with his words for his former friends, lol. But I love how he says “I always see a job through” then is like “well, yeah, guess I would prefer not to die, nevermind”.

R-rodrigue..... N-no..... :( We had to kill him.

We now get to.... the split. It’s time. One path to recruit Byleth. The other to kill him. Here we go.

RECRUITING BYLETH

Man, this is a weird way to recruit Byleth. It’s not easy- there are specific points to do.

But Byleth and crew surrendering is... weird. We didn’t actually BEAT Byleth. We just defeated Alois (the weakest member, lol) and we have to just run from Byleth. Jeralt wasn’t even there. 

Jeralt laughing at Alois’ jokes is cute though. At least Alois finally has a fan besides Dimitri. 

“We give people with abilities with proper outlets to use those talents in the Empire” Thanks Edelgard. 

Of course, everyone is VERY excited about Byleth. I mean, they are ALL over him instantly. No one cared he killed a lot of their allies. 

Except Arval and Shez. They are off in a corner. Arval says it is the right choice, so he doesn’t seem TOO upset. 

Oh no, Annette! She’s next on the chopping block. Simon, Annette’s cousin, ran off when he is supposed wield the Relic. Poor Gilbert. Annette wants to help so badly, and Gilbert just wants her save... Excuse me, GUSTAVE. :3 (He’s going by his real name again). 

Wait, we aren’t going to see Felix and Dimitri’s reactions to Rodrigue’s death? BOOOOOO. 

Dorothea... Dorothea, STOP WORRYING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED WITH A WAR GOING ON. 

I like how an NPC mentions that winter in the Kingdom could make the fighting harder.

Simon is actually at the camp, and he LITERALLY wants to be a bard. How hilarious. 

One NPC mentions that neither Monica nor Edelgard often know where Hubert is. Hmmm...

Ferdinand’s line “There are practically no Kingdom nobles without Crests” is here at camp. Which... makes NO sense, btw. Ferdinand, there WERE nobles without Crests, but you keep RECRUTING THEM TO THE EMPIRE. 

Both Hubert and Lythithea wonder about what the Slithers will be doing. Lysithea wonders if they will do something to keep the war going, for “chaos” to spread. 

Ignatz wants to win the fight in the Kingdom capital so he “can explore”. Like.... I forgot how weird Ignatz can be about war. 

Bernadetta sympathizes with the Kingdom. Interesting. 

Manuela wants to reopen the academy. Edelgard and Ferdinand were excited by the idea and promised to help her. Lines up with what happens in Houses. 

NOT RECRUITING BYLETH

This time, I killed Yuri. He says sorry, mom.:( 

I also killed Count Mateus, just to see what happens. Nothing exciting. He just died. Oh well. 

Byleth is acting strange. Likely cause Sothis is about to take control again.

Rodrigue.... sigh.... again dead. 

Jeralt shows up after he dies. Guess it is time to kill him. Shez literally wins because he is able to summon a sword and it caught Jeralt off guard. 

And Byleth kills Randolph. I felt... literally nothing, lol, why do they INSIST on making this character seem important? Well, bye, Randolph. This is part of war, Fleche.

Byleth just ran off after killing Randolph. Bye.

This path is way more emotional though. Better, so far. 

Fleche looks so crazed. Kek. 

Byleth learns after killing Randolph that Jeralt is dead. So, Randolph death was not some sort of revenge thing. 

Sothis is really pushing for Byleth’s body, she’s pretty vengeful herself. 

Instead of slobbering over Byleth, they actually talk about the battle and how bloody it was. 

“Only nobles have Crests” DOROTHEA, PLEASE!!!!!!!! THERE ARE LITERALLY COMMONERS WITH CRESTS IN YOUR ARMY RIGHT NOW. 

SAGFLDSAKGLDAGLFDSG

Arval is just like “Randolph was just one guy”, lol

And Arval is being pretty manipulative here “I am the closest ally you have, no matter what anyone says”. Or something along those lines

Byleth isn’t really interested in seeking revenge. But Sothis kinda manipulates him into going for it. She even says she can just take his body by force if she wanted. I really don’t like this Sothis, tbh. 

Honestly, killing Jeralt is a more emotional path and way more interesting so far. Let’s see how the story improves or not depending on this choice. 

Weird. Hubert likes it if you have to ask who “they” are (The Slithers) but Lysithea, obviously, does not. 

Marianne is basically the only GD member who is unhappy to even be there right now. 

Supports

Starting with some Shez supports, the A ranks unlock after the timeskip.

Well, except Edelgard’s support. Her B support unlocks after the time skip.

Will the Slither in the Dark actually play a role in this route beyond Thales just popping up at the end?

“Everyone has a bone to pick with you” No shit, Shez, Edelgard started a war. 

Did...  really no one give two shits about talent in the Empire? This support is really pushing “Edelgard is changing the world” just because she gave Shez a job. :/ I mean, I don’t dislike her ideas on the basis of the best people for the job, but still.

Shez never once questioned his powers and the effects on his health? I know he’s a moron, but still. 

Linhardt’s putting the moves on Shez, I think. Damn boy, calm down. 

Petra is ALSO kinda putting the moves on Shez. She wants Shez to come with her to Brigid. Not as romantic as Linhardt’s, though, more she wants someone she trusts. But still pretty.... something. 

Edelgard, Jertiza is a murderer. Just “doing good in the world” is not enough. I’m gaining some more respect for Jertiza, which I never thought would happen. 

How did... Ferdinand come to know Lysithea’s secret about her shortened life? Huh? This is harder to listen to knowing Billy died so young.

I can’t believe the Slithers just left behind evidence of their experiments, lol. But it’s a nice, hopeful support Lysithea’s future. 

Caspar is delivering great results as a leader? Are you sure about that, Ferdinand? Caspar just.... fights. He’s literally not good for anything else. This one feels a little forced, not going to lie. But only just a little. 

Shamir has basically NO supports with anyone from the Alliance or the Empire. She only has supports with Balthus and Hapi (so far) and they are technically Wolves, unaffiliated. Fascinating. 

Dorothea learning she had the misunderstanding with Ferdinand from years ago first was nice. The yelling was honestly funny. Making it seem like a lover’s quarrel was funny too. Aw, they are blushing, cute. Hey, I may dislike Dorothea but cute is cute. 

Whoa, the guy on the date from Bernie and Linhardt’s support died. Blame the girl in red. It’s her fault. Linhardt is very practical here about death though. It feels callous but I kinda get it? But er.... Linhardt, are you saying you and Bernie love each other? This boy just fucking gets AROUND. (He did in Houses too). Oh, wait, the guy didn’t die. He lived to the power of love. Kek. 

Holy crap, Petra killed someone in Hubert’s A support. Hubert wants his leaders to be far away from battle. And they are destroying chivalry in this support. 

LYSITHEA, WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYING AND CHILDISH?!

Hubert being nice to Lysithea is so strange to me, but I get it. He sees her as his little sister. I get Hubert hiding his family to protect them but.... he’s a noble, isn’t there like... a registry of nobles that lists the family? Did his father also hide their existence? 

Holy crap, Shamir is is cut THROAT with Balthus, lol!

Shamir outright basically says she’s into women, I think, saying that she doubts “their tastes are unlikely similar” with Balthus. Holy shit. Epic. 

It’s interesting that Shamir used to live in the Abyss after the big Dagda war. Rhea hired her after she got noticed. I find it odd that Shamir has a relatively positive talk about Rhea here when they are after Rhea, but whatever. And the God of Fate of Dagda in the Abyss, huh. Probably another dragon tbh, since the Nabateans were so wide spread. 

Hapi and Shez’s A support - Shez wonders if his mom may have been on the run. Also, Shez can wonder if his powers can go astray. Which... is the opposite of what he said in another support. It’s not even main story stuff. Come on, why this inconsistency? Shez also wonders about a “dream” and experiments (I think he meant he dreamed of the test tube at the beginning of the game).

Hubert nerding out of coffee making with Hapi was cute. Useless, but cute. Would have preferred info on the Slithers. What a waste. 

Mercedes is still apologizing for her murderous brother. Mercedes is so blind by love, blind by her past brother and what he was like. Let him go to jail, Mercedes. I have more respect for him than I do you in this support. 

Shamir is KILLING Balthus in their B support. I love it. 

Ok, unlocked all of Shez’s A supports that can be viewed at this time, so the below comments are for these supports that I felt were worth mentioning:

With Caspar - Caspar calling Shez a “regular” person when he can shape-shift is silly. But I guess Caspar’s father still managed to beat him up, I guess. 

With Dorothea - Interesting, the background battle music has been canonized as real music, lol. Ah, and here we go “Wow, self-insert, thanks to you I found joy again, yay”. 

With Monica - Monica is basically Tharja. She literally stalks her, counts the number of times she drinks or how many days it’s been since she drank tea. What she said, where she ate, every sigh.... At least Shez tells her it’s weird. And wow, Shez can how express his undying love with her permission..... WHO WROTE THIS?!

With Mercedes - For a big war, getting tea and desserts seems REALLY fucking easy

With Lysithea - “Giving advice isn’t exactly my strong suit” Dude, Shez, my man.... You give the BEST fucking advice because you are the protagonist. But it is funny he apparently memorized lines to give to people... which I never get that impression anywhere else, so it feels forced. 

With Jeritza - I really hope Jeritza’s father didn’t kill his cat after his mother and sister left.... 

With Ashe - WHY DOES IT END LIKE THAT?! A LETTER ABOUT SHEZ’S MOM POTENTIALLY AND IT JUST ENDS WITH ASHE GETTING THE RESPONSE. Fuck you game. Fuck you. 

With Ignatz - literally all these A supports are just “why don’t you join with me after the war in some way”. 

With Manuela - Manuela.... likes ‘em young.....

With Shamir - We kinda already knew this about her past. And... it’s just as simple here as it was in Houses. Although, Shamir is right.... Shez, everyone adores you and tells you their sob stories. You DO hear it all the time. 

That’s it for the Shez supports for now that were worth mentioning, now for other supports I have unlocked. 

Petra and Edelgard’s A support - They keep saying Petra is the Queen of Brigid, but I thought she said at some point she hadn’t be crowned yet. Does... anyone remember? Anyways, it’s nice to actually ASK Petra if she should be there. She can even walk away. I don’t.... really understand why Petra is deciding to, though, except that she is Edelgard’s friend, really. I’ve been through so much supports that I am starting to forget things. If anyone knows, someone please remind me....

Edelgard and Monica A Support - Fucking hell, Monica is so creepy.... Nothing more to say, it’s just creepy as hell. Monica is literally Tharja. 

Monica and Hubert A support - I noticed the supports are more dynamic visually. Different angles, different way the characters stand.... anyways, another support about how wonderful Edelgard is. Except, well, Hubert admits that Edelgard is kinda sensitive. And now I’m confused. Hubert says that Edelgard plans to remove noble from land, so nobles will inherit titles but not land with it. Except.... then he says that nobles and commoners will not be a thing anymore. That’s... not how it works. If you have a title, you are noble, even without land. Hell, HUBERT’S family has no land at all. 

Edelgard and Caspar’s support - Uh, I wonder how the support will be different if Raphael is killed. Caspar mentions Raphael and that they should invite him for a spar. 

Yeah, this Edelgard is way nicer. She wants to help since she’s sending people to their possible deaths. That’s part of why she fights on the front lines, anyways. 

Edelgard and Dorothea support - Interesting, Edelgard blames herself for Dorothea losing out on academy experience. To be fair, it’s not entirely her fault per say. Yes, it’s her actions that did lead to it eventually closing down for a while, but ultimately, it was Rhea’s decision to close it down with all the countries experiencing all sorts of shit. 

Linhardt and Petra’s support - Heh, Petra is so good at learning another language. Teaching herself the old speech. Cute support. Also, people apparently spoke like that when the goddess walked the earth. Not too surprising, with how Sothis talks.

Monica and Dorothea A support - Um... why DOES Monica know Dorothea have scars? Frankly, I really don’t know why Dorothea is here, her reasoning is pretty much just “friendship”. It’s not like she’s on the defending side here. 

Caspar and Dorothea’s support - Saying Foldan has problems is like saying Canada, the US, and Mexico have problems and so the United States needs to go in and fix them. Sigh....

Dorothea and Petra support - Petra mentions that people in Brigid fight over who sits on the throne. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID THE CENTRAL CHURCH CAUSE THAT TOO?!

Caspar and Petra A support - Petra sends Caspar’s father a dual message. Caspar intercepts. This is honestly one of the more interesting supports I’ve seen. Petra attacks Caspar instead... and wins, but decides to spare Caspar anyways. I guess Petra because queen of Brigid for... private reasons by this point in the story. 

What makes this support interesting is how different it is from Houses. In Houses, Caspar is the one who feels guilty about what his father did. Here, he doesn’t seem like he feels guilty, although he feels bad. Petra, on the other hand, is angry here, unlike Houses, where she has made more peace with the reality of what had happened. Fascinating. 

Constance and Petra A support - Man, they wasted this support. I wanted to know about the war with Brigid, not just their feelings on the past. 

Wait, Petra’s younger brother and sister will be killed most likely if Petra didn’t take the throne?????? Wtf, why? Does anyone know?!

Marianne and Bernie - Bernie has a hidden talent in horses in Houses, so it’s nice that this support calls back to that with Marianne noting Bernie is good with horses. 

Bernie and Hapi’s support - Literally Bernie’s face at the end was :0

Lorenz and Ignatz’s support - Literally, war has been good to Ignatz because he gets to march around Foldan and paint on the go. But... Lorenz realizing Ignatz wants to paint was.... honestly really, really sweet. Like... I like this support. A lot.

Lorenz for King, his supports are GOLD.

(They 100% did not have Lorenz’s model sitting or anything, they just lowered his model and angled the camera in his support with Marianne, kek)

Lysithea and Raphael’s A support - the art of the puppy is the creepiest thing I have seen in this game, those eyes.... will haunt me....

Ignatz’s mother was a pegasus knight? That’s kinda a cool thing to learn. Is that from Houses? I don’t recall. And he wanted to to become a pegasus knight, that’s cute. I mean, though.... he could still ride wyverns if he wants to fly. And wait... is he crushing on Marianne? I’m wondering because of his “you can sense my feelings?!” comment. 

Hapi and Shamir’s support - Jesus, they ripped Rhea a new one, saying that anyone who served Rhea and the Goddess pushed people around. Why is that unique to them? 

But we also get some Dagda lore. It wasn’t much different than Foldan, except it felt freer, which meant more conflicts. More freedoms, more conflicts... not that unrealistic, really. I take this as confirmation that despite Rhea “holding back Foldan”, Dagda isn’t somehow more advanced or that much different to Foldan in that way. Kek.

Me waiting for the supports to finally end because there are so many and they are so long.....

[stormhaven13]

Alright. We have arrived. I am beginning the Survivor. Let’s talk about why Ikrie is my favorite character in the game other than Aloy. And to do that we're actually going to do a little story time of the first time I played Horizon. This is going to get long, so bear with me. I finally figured out how to do a read more, so the rest of this is under the cut.

So, when I first played her quests, I didn't fall in love with Ikrie. I liked her quite a bit, but it was just kind of casual, oh this character seems pretty cool. But I then went on and played more of the main quest of the Frozen Wilds, and Ikrie went into the back of my head. She'll come back, don't worry.

After I wrapped up playing this game, I do what I often do after a really good game or story, and I took some time to reflect on exactly why I loved this game so much. I've talked quite a bit about how much I adore this game's plot and world building, but I still think the number one reason for me is Aloy. I just love her character, I love her arc, I love the relationships she builds over the game, I love her design, pretty much everything about her is amazing to me. I also realized something super interesting, for me. I headcanoned Aloy as ace.

Now, I know this isn't that uncommon a thing, but I myself am ace, but I actually almost never think of characters as ace. I don't really know why, I just never have, which is especially strange, as being ace is the part of my identity I've understood the longest. Aloy is the first character in a very long time that I thought of as ace, just on my own. This intrigued me, and I went looking for fanwork, just to see what other people's takes on Aloy were, to see if there was more about this character that would resonate for me. And that's where I found the thing. The thing that opened my mind to how incredible Ikrie is.

I'll link it at the end of this, but I found a fanfic called Put Your Spear Beside Mine, and the characterization just blew me away. It looks at how alone Aloy feels, with no one to share all of the crazy things she learns over this game, and the dynamic between Aloy and Ikrie is just incredible. It explores how they are both basically outsiders with their clans, that they do not really believe in the laws and beliefs of their tribes. You may notice that this mold fits almost all of my favorite characters in Horizon, and yeah, I'm aware, but Ikrie ticks a lot of the same boxes as Aloy does for me.

While Aloy is not portrayed as ace in this fic, it opened up a whole new thing that I had loved about her, but hadn't been able to really vocalize, and now Ikrie was now balled up in all that. She has so many similarities to Aloy, with just a few key differences that just. Really hit home for me. She has a very close friend that just cannot understand her, and ends up leaving her. Rather than being alone from the beginning, she had a place where she was supposed to belong, but never quite did, but tried so hard to do it anyway. I know I say Aloy is autistic a lot, but those things just hit me very hard in a way that Aloy's permanent isolation never quite can.

And do I ship Aloy/Ikrie? I mean, yeah, I do, but that's honestly secondary to everything else, shipping Aloy with anyone was never my main concern honestly. I just love both their characters, I love how they are so close in characterization except for these key things that really do change them quite drastically.

Aloy will always be my favorite here, she's the protagonist, we see so much more of her, my headcanons for her are just so close to my heart, I probably dyed my hair red because of her she's just great okay? But Ikrie is caught up in all of that too, partially due to the ideas in that fanfic, but mostly because of the character that's already there.

Here's the fic in question, I highly recommend giving it a read, it just shows so much of what I love of these characters. And yes, this is why I think the Frozen Wilds should take place post game, this is the entire reason. Only warning to give with this is there is some smut in a few different parts, so if that's not your thing you should be aware of that. But this fic just showcases so much of what I love about these two characters, and you should absolutely give it a read. Also, @pikapeppa, who is the author, you're incredible and thank you for writing this.

But yeah, this has been why Ikrie is so important to me! I'm sure I'll say more as I play through the quest, but if you got this far, thanks for sticking with me!

[hamiltonimagines]

Not So Forbidden Love

Pairing: Daveed x Reader

Request: “Hi! I love your blog and your writing, and was wondering if you could do a Daveed Diggs imagine where the reader is Lin's assistant and she falls in love with Daveed?” - @abraodwaystateofmind

Word Count: 1.4k

“Lin, I’m back. I have your coffee and those forms that you needed” I said, looking down at the papers in my hand as I walked into Lin’s dressing room. I looked up once I had walked in, I didn’t see Lin. Instead, I saw Daveed.

Lin had recently hired me to be his assistant. Since he was in the show and also the creator of the show, he had a lot more errands to run than the other cast mates. So he hired me, to help lessen the workload.

“Oh...hi! I’m sorry, I thought Lin was here. You’re Daveed, right? I’ve seen you around” I told him. This was the first time that I had actually talked to him. “Yeah that’s me, Lin just had to step out for a moment. He said he would be right back. I’m guessing that you’re Y/N, Lin’s new assistant?” He said.

“Yep, what gave it away?” I asked him, curiously. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t developed a small crush on him. I mean, he’s gorgeous, who could blame me?

“Well, we all love Lin. But his coffee order is way too complicated, only someone who’s getting paid would get him coffee” he said, chuckling. “Yeah, I guess his coffee order is a bit complicated. I’ve had worse jobs than ordering weird coffees though” I said, smiling to myself.

Daveed seemed really nice, and as cliche as it was, I felt like a schoolgirl all over again. However, I knew that we could never be together. That crossed some serious lines, and I couldn’t risk losing by job over some guy, no matter how cute and sweet he was.

“Here, let me take these from you” he said, grabbing the stack of paperwork out of my hands. “Oh...uhh thank you” I said, blushing.

Then the door swung open and Lin walked in. “Oh Y/N, have you met Daveed?” Lin asked. “I just did” I said, smiling. “Here you go Lin” Daveed said, handing him the papers.

“Why do you have my paperwork Diggs? Is Y/N making you run some of my errands for her?” Lin asked, jokingly. “I was completely taken advantage of. She seduced me and made me go print out all of your forms” Daveed teased me.

“Woah woah, that is not what happened” I said, giggling. “I see you Y/N, work smarter not harder” Lin said, as Daveed left the room. “You know that he was kidding, right?” I asked Lin, just to double check. “Of course I do, trust me. I know I’m your boss, but I’m not a crazy uptight guy. You don’t have to treat me like a boss, treat me like a friend” Lin said, simply.

“Yes sir” I said, respectfully. “Do you call your friends sir?” He asked me, smirking. “I’m sorry” I said. “If it’ll make you feel better, you can tell me about something horrible that Daveed did” Lin said, chuckling. “Well since you asked, he was totally bashing your coffee order” I said, giggling.

“Oh was he? I’ll make sure I bring that up to him” Lin said, laughing. “Is there anything else you need Lin?” I asked him. “No, I should be good. I’ll let you know if I need something” Lin said, smiling.

I walked out of his dressing room and saw Daveed standing in the hallway. He was leaning on the wall across the hall from Lin’s dressing room.

“I thought the coffee thing was a secret?” He asked me, pretending to be offended. “Were you eavesdropping?” I asked, shocked. “I had to know if the pretty assistant said anything nice about me to Lin” he said, smirking.

I was taken aback by his compliment. “Oh” I said, and started to walk away. I couldn’t let this go any further. I needed this job and I wasn’t going to get in trouble because I started dating a guy.

“Wait, Y/N! Hold up” he said, grabbing my wrist and stopping me from walking away. “What?” I asked him, turning around to face him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, confused. “It’s nothing, I have to go” I lied, trying to pull away. “No you don’t, I heard Lin say there was nothing for you to do. So what’s up?” Daveed asked me.

I huffed to myself. “You called me pretty” I said, quietly. Daveed looked even more confused. “I’m sorry, I’m confused. I thought it was a compliment. There was no expectation, I wasn’t expecting you to say anything back. I just complimented you, is that not allowed?” He asked, looking utterly confused.

“I’m Lin's assistant” I told him, simply. “Yeah, I know that” he said, nodding. “Therefore, we can’t be seen flirting. I could lose my job” I told him, seriously. “Oh come on Y/N, you're not going to lose your job because I called you pretty” Daveed told me.

“I can’t take that risk” I said, pulling my hand away and walking off. It killed me to do it. I just wanted to run back to him and ask for his number or make a move. But, there were more important things at risk.

I walked into my office and closed the door. I busied myself with some forms that Lin needed filled out. If I left my office, I knew that I would run into Daveed.

But, eventually I needed more water and I had to leave. I sighed and grabbed my water bottle and left my safety of my office.

I walked down the hallway to the water fountain and filled up my bottle. I looked over my shoulder and saw no sign of Daveed. I put the cap back on my bottle and went to turn around to go back to my office.

I turned around and was face to face with Daveed. “Jesus, you scared me. I thought we were done talking?” I asked him, trying to walk around him. “No, Y/N. Lin said he needed you. I told him that I would find you for him” Daveed told me. “Oh, um okay. I’ll go see him then” I said, quickly walking away.

I walked into Lin’s dressing room and he was sitting at his desk on his computer. “Hey, Daveed said you needed me?” I said. “Yeah, there's some kids coming to the show tomorrow and we’re giving them a tour. I need you to call the school and confirm all the details” Lin told me. “Okay, I’ll get right on it” I said, turning to leave.

“Hey Y/N, can I ask you a question?” He asked me. “Yeah, anything” I said, smiling. “Is something going on between you and Daveed?” He asked me and I panicked.

He had sensed that something was up, he was totally going to fire me. I couldn’t believe it. After all the work I put in to stop Daveed’s advances, and I was still going to lose my job.

“No sir. I promise, nothing at all is happening. I wouldn’t risk my job over something like that. I swear” I assured him. “Woah, I was just asking. I wasn’t going to fire you or anything. I’m just your friend, not your boss, remember?” He said, chuckling. “Right, I’m sorry. I just kinda panicked” I told him. “That’s alright. That was all I needed though” he told me.

I stepped out of his dressing room and sighed, I had seriously dodged a bullet. Then I saw Daveed standing a few feet away from me.

“Were you eavesdropping again?” I asked him. “No, I was just walking by, I swear. I’ll go, I know you don’t want to see me” he said, turning around.

“Hey wait up” I said, walking over to him. He turned around to face me. “What’s going on?” He asked me. “Well I only have to work until six tonight. So afterwards, I was thinking you could maybe take me out to dinner, if you’d like” I told him, nervously.

I now knew that there was no way that Lin would get upset over this and there was definitely no way I would lose my job.

“I thought you were worried about getting in trouble?” He asked, confused. “I talked to Lin about it. It’s cool, I promise” I reassured him. “Well then, I guess I’ll see you at six” he said, smiling. “I’ll be looking forward to it” I said, smiling back at him.

taglist: @someinsanefangirl @outcasted-aloy @geekycatlover @fanfic-addict-98 @romanoffs-heart @multifandomwriterx @andreasworlsboring101 @criminallyhamilton @imatyoursurrvicesurr @irlydontknoanymore @sayweird99 @nyxie75 @elizard-hamilton @twix-baby @trost-town @notebookgirl30 @teenag1jealousy @royalreadery @elizasfaith @kmsmedine @brunadesuu @grandpa-agustd @athenawinchesterx @labellapeaky @rthoney @nerd-88 @theatrenerd86 @riiyy @ahhahahhh @sleepylunarwolf @khaylaloves @all-time-fanatic @lilangeldevil006

Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines!!

[dasmondkuss]

[ bumblebee ] // [ olive ] // [ navy ] & [ mauve for Alois if I can choose ]

@lured-into-wonderland | 🐝  *  ―  𝑪𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑰𝑬𝑾. 

[ bumblebee ]  where have you always wanted to travel to?

I HAVE WANTED TO GO TO A LOT OF PLACES THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, OKAY? I've always wanted to travel frequently, and I've been lucky enough to have traveled to three countries. I've learned something from every experience that definitely shaped me. But it's not enough.

As of now, I am divided between Japan, Argentina, and Spain. Beyond the cultural experiences, I have my closest friends in these countries, and so far, it is easier for me to get to them than for them to get to me, so, of course, I want that fervently. Ultimately, I'll take that decision based on what's more practical. I'm bound to travel to Canada first, anyway, and while it isn't my dream destination, I still want it because, yeah, traveling is great.

[ olive ]  what gives you the most inspiration for your muse(s)?

Honestly? A good conversation with my writing partner. I'm very methodical and detail-oriented, so the more material I have to work with regarding our muses' interaction, the easier it is for me to daydream about scenarios and flesh them out. It makes the writing more fluent because I have enough information to make sense of a scene without feeling my character doesn't fit in there.

Then, everything could literally become a source of inspiration because it's like OMG IT'S AUTUMN AND *insert any character in here*

[ navy ]  what do your muse(s) mean to you?

I love them a lot! But they're more a creative outlet than anything. I've been writing since a very young age, and what keeps me attached to it is the process of exploration and discovery that comes with rationalizing/putting experiences, emotions, and interactions into words. I love that moment when I snap my fingers because I see and understand something better without necessarily going through it. And the best part? I don't have to accept or incorporate it into my life simply 'cause now I understand it. Long live fiction!

Also, isn't it lovely? Our muses belong to us, which is one thing that no one could take away from us.

[ mauve ]  give one random headcanon about your muse / one of your muses. / For Alois.

THIS IS SO FUNNY.

Listen, it was hard to come up with something because I think we talk about Alois a lot, so what haven't I mentioned yet?!?! I had to poke him a little for him to give me something new, and this is what happened in my brain.

Me: Alois, give me something; anything is fine. Something you like? Something you hate? Fear?

Alois: No.

Me: BEHAVING LIKE AUTUMN, ARE YOU? TALK! WHAT IS IT?

Alois: ...

Me: Is it stupid? Are you afraid of darkness? No, wait, no. Haunted houses?

Alois: ... 🫠🫠🫠

Me: OH MY GOD, ALOIS. YOU'RE AFRAID OF CLOWNS!?!?!?!

Alois:

He also listens to metal, and symphonic metal is his favorite genre. I believe he had an emo phase..., but after treating him so poorly about his fear of clowns, he hasn't affirmed it nor denied it.

[allbrainrot]

Sjfkskd I immediately thought of Ashe for 🖤 from your FE3H prompt list!! If you don't mind adding hcs for Dimitri and Sylvain to the list as well I'd love to see your take on them but just Ashe is okay <3 thank you!!

Woo Allister here!! Heck yeah, I just started this blog two days ago so I totally have time to do all three! I always have time to write Dimi lmao that’s my emotional support Dimitri!! 😭🩹 

Ashe:

- you’re catching up over lunch with the blue lions and someone (we all know it was Sylvain) asks you if you’d spare a dance for them at the upcoming ball.

- you casually reply that you’re actually not going, much to the surprise of your house members. Sylvain is probably incredibly dramatic about it and tells you that you’ve wounded him. Mercedes and Annette will try to get you to change your mind because they were excited to get ready with you, but when you tell them that you’d have much more fun chilling in your room they accept it.

- Ashe on the other hand, is suddenly staring very intensely at the table and silently panicking. He’s been trying to think of a way to confess to you for weeks, and was slowly building up the courage to tell you after asking for a dance. While he internally freaks out, he’ll probably pick up a nervous habit and fiddle with his fingers or the hem of his shirt WHAT THE HELL WE GONNA DO NOW.

- Dimitri is the first to pick up on it, since he knows a thing or two about troubling thoughts. He starts to ask Ashe what’s troubling him, but, being snapped out of his thoughts, Ashe just sort of nervously blurts. 

- ‘are you certain you’d really be alright missing such a big night?!’ You’re a little surprised at having elicited such a response from Ashe, but you assure him that noble events just aren’t your thing. ‘Oh but umm you know that I’m not a noble either! We er-we can work our way through a little party! You really don’t even have to stay long-’ followed by a lot more rambling of Ashe trying to string together reasons that you must attend. You tell him you’re not so sure about that...

- oh this boy clings onto that little sliver of a response and all week he’s constantly proposing new reasons that he thinks you should come. At this point, any member of the blue lions that wasn’t already aware has definitely picked up on the fact that he’s pining for you. Some might even try to help out and encourage you to go just to hang out with your friends. You, however, long ago made up your mind that you weren’t going anywhere near the stupid dance and instead you’re just growing concerned at Ashe’s increasing distress and exasperation for you to go.

- you adore the sweet archer, you really do, but you just refuse to ever attend a ball. As the week goes by with this boy following you around with a very cute pleading look, you start trying to cheer him up in other ways. When he stands in front of you and asks you about attending again, you take his hands in yours and give them a reassuring squeeze as you reaffirm that you’ll be lounging in your room. When he sits next to you while you’re feeding the cats to ask again, you lightly pet his hair. You start sitting next to him with your knees touching in hope of providing comfort, and have even started holding hands when he trails behind you in town. Although your firm answers still make Ashe’s stomach drop, it doesn’t compare to the butterflies he gets when you start giving him affection. Maybe he’s starting to cling by your side more to get pats and hand holds than to try and convince you to go to the dance...

- tonight is the night. You’re finally comfortably leaning against your bed while drawing/reading/sewing (whatever you do in your spare time) as the footsteps of the dance goers fade away when you’re shocked by a gentle knock on your door. When you open your door to see a very blushing Ashe, you’re rather taken aback, but you gently take his hand and lead him to sit beside you in front of your bed. He takes your hand in both of his own and stares down at them sheepishly as you ask him what he’s doing here when he still has the whole night to ask someone to dance. He clears his throat and squeezes your hand a little more before telling you that, with you in your room, he has no need to be at the dance and must be here instead (if it’s ok with you). You are super confused, but tell him he’s welcome to keep you company before asking why he’s suddenly skipping the ball after being so hellbent on it all week. It’s then that he takes a deep breath and looks up at you, his face bright red. He finally confesses and explains what was going on all week, and how he had found he appreciated your affection so much more than any dance.

- you’re very surprised, but you tell him you reciprocate and pull him into a warm hug in front of you. You spend most of the night talking with him in your arms, and you both eventually fall asleep on the floor with him curled up into your chest. It’s a good thing no one there has a camera because when someone came to check on you later, man that would’ve been a wild photo.

Sylvain:

- you’re probably walking down the halls of the monastery when he approaches you, leaning on the doorway in front of you. Gives you a bright smile and tells you he’s looking forward to nothing more than a dance with you at the end of the week, if you’ll indulge him.

- when you laugh at his usual antics and tell him that you’ll be skipping out on the dance, he probably gives you the same reaction of being a drama queen and you punch him lightly on the shoulder before walking past and telling him you’re sure he’ll be plenty busy with any other female in his line of sight.

- once he’s alone though, he’s definitely pretty stressed. Probably tugs at his hair or clenches his fists as he beats himself up for his own actions and the impression they’ve given you.

- when you and Sylvain first started becoming friends, it became pretty quickly clear that you weren’t trying to cozy up to him for brownie points with his family. And by that I mean, you masterfully skirted around any advances he made and teased him about trying it out on every other female at the monastery, much like you had just done.

- because of that, you actually ended up becoming pretty close genuine friends. You were just a cool person being friendly because that’s just how you were. You started sitting next to him in class and giving him a heads up on notes, assignments or tests that he may have forgotten about while spending every hour flirting with someone new. He even started proposing to actually hang out with you as bros. It was pretty sick, until he caught feelings..

- from the moment he caught himself yearning, he knew he was in deep shit because you’d never believe him. In the meantime, you still shut his flirting down, but as close friends you really didn’t mind things like sitting knee to knee with him or leaning on him. You even occasionally ruffled his hair and indulged him in leading you through town by the hand when you needed to get somewhere. You had always thought of it strictly platonically; you just figured he loved physical affection and getting to receive it from a friend was a win-win because he didn’t have to bother courting someone. Well, you were half right.. Sylvain does seek affection from you all the time, but not because you’re friends..

- oh boy as this little crush got worse and worse, Sylvain has to physically restrain himself from showering you in cuddles and kisses. You’re just so cute and every little action drives him crazy! So he’s devised a plan: he’s going to be with you every second of the ball. Dances only with you, talks with you in the corner, follows you outside if you want a break, he figured this was the perfect way to confess to you. Surely you’d have to realize how hard he’s pining for you if you saw his commitment and the contrast to his regular behavior, right? Welp now we officially have a code red for the ONLY plan and Sylvain is freaking out. 

- it’s only after a day of darting around the monastery like a headless chicken and baffling everyone with his antsy behavior that he leans against a wall, takes a deep breath and realizes that he may be a little dumb. Well, more like he can’t think straight when 99% of his brain is occupied by you. He’s going to be just fine, plans have just changed a little last minute. What’s the difference between being glued to your side at a ball and being glued to your side in your room? It spares him from the possibility of being interrupted, but it’s still a pretty grand gesture for him of all people to skip.

- tonight is the night. While everyone else sways around some daunting, packed room with people they probably don’t even actually like, you’re sitting cross legged on your bed flipping through Alois’s ‘hilarious’ joke book that you managed to snatch with everyone else occupied. You almost wish someone else was here to witness this (no one would even believe how ridiculous that book was without seeing it for themselves), when you hear two knocks on your door, a code you’d set a while back. At first you were taken aback and thought it might be an angry Allois, but you mutter a ‘you can come in’. 

- you were even more caught off guard by the fact that it was Sylvain and he looked..incredibly shaky. He almost stumbles on his way to plop down next to you, and the anxious face he’s making confuses you to the max, but out of concern you ask if he’s ok. He looks at the ceiling and mumbles a broken yeah to you, and it’s then that you realize you think he’s..trying not to cry?? Your head is spinning, having never seen him like before, when you put together a narrative of what you assume happened, given the context of this night. ‘Holy shit, Syl are you ok? OH MY GODDESS did you catch feels for some chick?? AWWW MAN did-did she reject you??!’ you’re sputtering out words way faster than he can even start to respond to you, but at your last question, he actually starts to laugh a little at the irony. A bitter laugh, probably mixed in with a little bit of crying out of hurt. 

- you instantly wrap yourself around Sylvain, petting his hair and doing anything else you can remember that he loves as he hesitantly wraps his arms around you to keep you in place. When he’s calmed enough to speak, he mumbles into your hair ‘1.) yes, and it’s been a disaster, so I’m a mess. 2.) I guess..not yet? But I’m almost too afraid to even ask, knowing the odds that it’s not reciprocated.’ It takes you a moment to realize that he’s just answered you while you sit on his crossed legs, pressed against him trying to be good emotional support. You think on what he’s just told you, and eventually give the best advice you can, ‘Hey, you can’t think of it that way! Walking away from a chance is much harsher than the possibility of being rejected.’ He sighs deeply before replying slowly ‘Have you ever just, theoretically imagined..dating me?’ 

- WHAT? Ok, that’s definitely the most unexpected question possible, it’s gonna take you a second to get over the shock. When you’re grounded in reality, it’s actually a pretty easy answer, ‘Well sure, after we first started talking, but naturally I made myself forget about it because it couldn’t truly happen.’ At this, he perks up quite a bit, and you can feel a little bit of his confidence returning to him as he holds you tighter. Time for him to play his cards, ‘So..let’s say, if you ever believed that I was seriously committed, would you have dated me?’ Alright this man may have just officially made this the strangest night of your life. ‘Ummm, I mean sure I guess, if I had believed you I’d have liked to date you.’ BINGO FOR SYLVAIN!!

- ok, it’s now or never for him, ‘So, do you believe me right now?’ he says in the sweetest tone you’ve ever heard from him. OK THIS IS OFFICIALLY BONKERS. You can’t help but tense up and widen your eyes as the realization of the true meaning of this conversation dawns on you. When you come to, your face is burning up and you throw your arms on top of his shoulders and bury your face into his neck to hide your embarrassment. ‘Syllllllll good goddess I’ve never been so utterly shocked!! Goddess, I guess I really do have to believe you after all this insanity!’ This makes him laugh, but a happy, genuine laugh this time, and he flops backward onto the bed with you still on top of him, clutching you close and rocking with joy/relief. At this point reader either conks tf out with Sylvain or lowkey has a makeout sesh idk man I’m tired LMAO imagine as you please

-future note after writing: OK SO it was really a challenge to write how Sylvain would wrap his head around confessing pre-timeskip so I lowkey wrote a wholeass character arc essay I have problem. I hope you like Ashe’s, but ima be posting a part 2 with Dimi because this post is like at its limit lmao!

[subordinate-functions-defender]

Horizon Zero Dawn but Aloy captures HADES after the final battle

The last three months were... Weird.

Okay, weird is not the right word. Maybe “absurd”. “Extremely impossible to imagine”. “Please do not ask”. Or just “weird, but in a good way”.

It started when HADES, of all people (AI?), started to feel guilty. After being trapped in a lantern for 3 months, Aloy thought he was trying to manipulate her, as an last attemp of gaining freedom, until she was captured by what remained of the Eclipse and HADES was freed. And, instead of killing her, he protected her. Aloy still remembers how he possessed a thunderjaw (a thunderjaw! Of all machines!) and destroyed everything on his sight, except her.

After that, he got rid of the thunderjaw and came back to the lantern - that was the moment Aloy decided it was time for her to trust him. Deciding what machine he would take was the challenge, because she knew he would absolutely hate being in a watcher or a strider. “I’M NOT A HORSE”, HADES had said. She didn’t know what a “horse” was, but it didn’t take a genius to guess it looked like a strider.

Big machines were out of the question. Too much work and grabbed too much attention. Aloy thought of scrappers, along scorchers, and but she didn’t know if HADES would like them, and she kinda wanted it to be a surprise.

Then, she found a stalker, and the plan was set. Not exactly the most secure option, but Aloy knew HADES would like it, and the camouflage would be good for when they needed to get around humans. And, to her happiness, the AI... Loved it. Loved it so much he even gave Aloy a ride!

Now, she was Aloy, the machine tammmer accompanied by a stalker who some said could talk. She didn't confirm if her friend could talk. Waste of time.

And then, one day, she and HADES were exploring the ruins of GAIA Prime. Their plan was to find something useful, and what they found was something even better. Even more impossible than HADES actively trying to do better.

APOLLO.

A corrupted, confused and scared APOLLO, but APOLLO nonetheless. He spoke in gibberish, and HADES had to translate his sentences to something Aloy could understand before APOLLO realized she wasn’t understanding him. “ELISABETH SOBECK”, he said, curiously, and Aloy remembers how much she hated it.

“I’m not her. I’m...”.

“SOBECK’S CLONE”, HADES spoke. And that wasn’t even the most complicated part of everything - not even APOLLO understood how he was alive, but he was! And he acted like a very active child. A very active and weird one.

HADES had to get a glinthawk for APOLLO. He flew away and almost carried Aloy with him - almost. HADES didn’t allow it (and Aloy made sure he wouldn’t forget it).

APOLLO, for the next month, started growing. No longer speaking in gibberish, he now sounded like a scholar, except for the part of knowing things. Aloy desperately wanted to restore his database, and even HADES decided to help on it. APOLLO, however, insisted on trying to discover everything my himself, which meant he lost his body three times in the span of a week. Good work, APOLLO.

That’s when, one day, when Aloy was making a plan for them to use the Spire to get to the other subfunctions, APOLLO, again in a glinthawk, came and started talking. “I was thinking, Aloy”, he started. “You were created by GAIA”.

“Yes. Lightkeeper protocol”, she responded. “You forgot that?”

“No, no”, and the glinthawk sat next to the woman. “You were created by GAIA. The nora seem to consider her All-Mother, your own mother”.

Aloy didn’t understand what he was going for, but let him. HADES, who was laying by her side, lifter up his head. “Straight to the point, APOLLO”, demanded the stalker, angrily.

“Aloy is, by all means, GAIA’s daughter. However, me and you, to an extend, were also created by her, HADES. There is something akin to a human family connection. Therefore, we might consider ourselves siblings”.

“You are machines. I am a human”.

“So?”, APOLLO asked, while HADES stalker’s lights grew in a confused yellow. “There is a conection here, Aloy, and we are treating ourselves like siblings. You, for example, is our younger sister. I am the older, wiser brother, and the one who gets you two out of trouble”.

“You lost three bodies in the span of a week and still consider yourself responsible?”

“I was still learning!”, APOLLO responded, irritated.

“Even I knew how to keep myself safe”, HADES said. “You must be the stupid one”.

"Oh, I am not, little brother. And, I need to say, you must be our troublemaker. Maybe, one day, we’ll need to get you out of a prison!”

“The ENTITY is the one who got into a prison. Two times”.

“It was your fault”, the redhead said. “Helis threw me in an arena as a sacrifice to the Sun because of you. And the Eclipse caught me because I saved the world from you and your protocol”.

APOLLO shook  his head. “A troublemaker, I see”.

“I was acting inside my protocols. Therefore, I am not guilty”.

“Sure, HADES”, Aloy responded, before laying down again, her Focus interface being reactivated. “What siblings are suposed to do, APOLLO? Kill each other?”

Yeah. Aloy saw a lot of sibling rivalry, and lots of backstabbing, but she wouldn’t forget how caring some of them were. She never had a family outside of Rost - her dad -, and, despite all her thoughts about how they couldn’t be siblings, Aloy was curious. Extremely curious, actually!

“I fear this isn’t on my database, Aloy”, APOLLO said. “However, I think a sibling relationship must be something akin to a friendship, in a way. Siblings must take care of each other, like any family member must do to another”.

From there, HADES started adressing Aloy as “sister”, along APOLLO. She decided it would be useless to cronfront them and adopted the title. It was easier that way, to explain to the nora. The two were her brothers, assistants of All-Mother, and they were trying to find the others. The machines were serving as vessels. A good enough story.

Then, they found HEPHEASTUS. Three weeks ago, inside a cauldron, and he was angry. So angry HADES fought him until he started to listen to what Aloy had to say, and even then he wouldn’t listen as much as Aloy wish he would. She had to threaten a protocol purge for him to shut up.

They made... A sort of deal. Aloy had to show him why humanity was worth sparing, simple as that, which means “this is a living nightmare”.

For the last 3 weeks, Aloy was traveling along HADES and APOLLO, going to old one’s ruins, seeing the datapoints and everything else, while HEPHAESTUS watched throught her focus. It was better, for him to see the ruins, how Elisabeth and her team fought so hard for the future, for life to carry on, and Aloy was quick to notice how the AI seemed to be found of Margo. His alpha.

That was the same with HADES and APOLLO, althought the later was way more noticeable. Aloy knew he liked the sound of Samina’s voice.

Now, Aloy and her... Brothers, yes, brothers, were now going to Free Heap, hoping HEPHAESTUS would like to see what the humans did with the machine parts, and Aloy hoped this would make the AI realize that the humans from today are still the humans of the past. Stupid, yes, but also curious and ingenious.

HADES and APOLLO had become sort of figures. Aloy was avoiding as much people as she could, but it seemed like rumours travel faster than anything. Aloy, the machine tammer, was always accompanied by a stalker and a glinthawk, and seemed to talk to them. A machine master with a growing collection of secrets.

Her brothers didn’t talk at all around the others, but their presence alone helped Aloy more than she would admit. It was way easier to demand something when you’ve got a stalker and a glinthawk by your side, in the rare moments she needed to buy something.

It was a long day of walking, and the machine tammer was tired. Extremely tired. And she wanted to keep walking! There was no time to waste when the whole biosphere is in danger. Unfortunately APOLLO and HADES conspired agaisnt her, and now Aloy was laying down next to a thunderjaw while her brothers talked.

"We must reach Free Heap by tomorrow!", APOLLO commented in a warm tone. "How are the people there?"

"Destroyers of armies", HADES responded. "Tinkerers made cannons to defend Meridian".

"They are nice", Aloy interrupted, looking directly at HADES. "Maybe I can present you two - three - to Petra. She's a friend".

"The one who made the canons".

"Yes, HADES, the one who made the canons to save Meridian".

"Can't wait to meet her!", APOLLO responded, excitedly, jumping in the glinthawk. "She must have lots of data for me to store, and I have lots of data to share".

"You are not going to share your horrible videos of stupid humans", HADES said. "I will terminate you myself if I see the 'yeet'".

"It is an important piece of media from the english speaking population!"

"I think Petra would be more interested on how machines work", Aloy commented, too tired for another round of bickering. "HEPHAESTUS sure would be helpful".

"I REFUSE TO INTERACT WITH NON ZERO DAWN RELATED ENTITIES", he immediately responded throught her focus.

"You are not going to learn shit if you keep acting like that".

"I DO NOT CARE. SISTER UNITY MUST ACCEPT IT".

HADES actually laughed at that, and Aloy gave him a glare. Idiot. "You are the worst".

"QUERY: IS SISTER UNITY TALKING ABOUT ME, OR CORRUPTER UNITY?"

"Both", and she laid down on her small and improvised bed. "You three better wake me up before the sunrise or you will have problems. We can’t waste time".

"Aloy, you aren't sleeping well for a month now. You must rest. I will take care of things".

"You don't know how to hunt, APOLLO".

"I do", HADES responded, seeming satisfied.

"And you only bring me the bones of the things you hunt", Aloy responded, more irritated than before. She normally woke up just a bit before the sunrise, however she wasn’t trusting herself anymore - last week, she woke up two hours after it, courtesy of APOLLO insisting they shouldn’t wake her up.

She had such great siblings.

“If someone approaches, wake me up. Do not attack”.

“Okay, Aloy. Have a good rest”, APOLLO said, gently, while HADES’ stalker lifted it’s head in a silent “good night”. HEPHAESTUS, as always, didn’t say anything, but the thunderjaw was quick to initiate a patrol route.

Aloy was soon asleep, and the reason as to why she was having slepless nights soon appeared in the form of another nightmare.

She was a child, running free after a long day of training, searching desperately for her father- Rost. Yes, Rost, not- not father. She wasn’t his... His actual daughter. He never called her one. Not in Aloy’s eyes, at least.

She was searching for Rost, but he wasn’t there. She looked throught their cabin, desperate, and she opened the front door, only to find his body. His dead, lifeless body, surrounded by flowers.

Aloy cried - screamed. And then there was an explosion and she was falling down and there were them, the Eclipse, and Helis with a cruel smile. Machines screamed in the background while Aloy, armed with only her fists, watched as everything around her burned yet again.

She couldn’t do much. She only stayed in the same point, trapped, while Meridian burned. And she looked behind her, only to see nora buildings burning. She could hear screams, too, but no one other person.

A spear appeared in her hands, heavy and bloody, and a voice came from a dark lifeless sky: “TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Aloy couldn’t run.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Couldn’t hide.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Couldn’t make a plane.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Couldn’t escape.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Couldn’t fight back.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Couldn’t do anything.

“TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, CHILD”.

Only watch as the world burned as brightly as her hair’s color.

“S I S T E R ?”

Aloy opened up her eyes in an instant, immediately punching the first thing she saw, missing it by only a few inches. She jumped, spear now in her hands, while HADES looked at her in the corrupted stalker.

Aloy was trembling, and she was angry. A confused kind of anger, because she was scared. “HADES, what happenned?”

“Calm down, Aloy”, APOLLO’s voice appeared from behind. “It was just a nightmare, see? You are okay”.

Shit. Shit. Shit shit shit. Her nightmares were never that bad, and now she needed to convince them that it was nothing. Fuck. “It was nothing. Did someone came by?”

“You were mumbling and couldn’t stop moving”, HADES intervered. “You also cried. APOLLO decided it was time to purge your sleep”.

HEPHAESTUS’ thunderjaw was looking at the trio, eyes glowing yellow. Aloy simply sat down in the sleeping bag and put her spear next to it. “... Thank you”, she murmured.

“You welcome”, APOLLO responded, the glinthawk sitting next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Uh... No”.

Aloy felt HADES’ stalker sitting down. He was looking at her, of course. “It was the Eclipse?”

“You weren’t in it, HADES”, she responded, laying down once again. “Not this time”.

“Sister must go back to sleep”, he responded. “Go”.

And she would, if HEPHAESTUS didn’t intervene: “SISTER UNITY SHOWED SIGNS OF STRESS DURING SLEEP FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK. QUERY: DOES THIS RELATE TO ANY OF YOUR... PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES WITH HOSTILE HUMANS?”

Aloy rolled her eyes. “The Eclipse. They... Killed Rost, the man who raised me. But they are mostly gone by now, I... We put an end to them”.

“QUERY: WHO ARE ‘WE’?”

The woman sighed. “People I helped along the way. Petra helped, with her cannons. There’s also Talanah, Sunhawk of the Hunter’s Lodge. Erend, Vanasha, Teb, Varl...”.

“I remember them”, HADES responded. “They fought well. For humans”.

Aloy was still trembling, but she could feel her heart slowing it’s pace, no danger to be seem, and a half-smiled appeared at her face. She was safe here, at least. “Tomorrow”, she said, “I’ll tell you more about them. But I need to sleep”.

“Then sleep”, the stalker said, angrily, but Aloy knew he wasn’t actually angry. “Do not have any nightmares”.

“That sure will help me”.

APOLLO’s beack touched her arm. “Ignore him. He’s mean”.

“I am not”.

“Delicate as a brick”, Aloy murmured, ignoring HADES indignation.

“GOOD NIGHT, SISTER UNITY”, HEPHAESTUS said throught her focus. “SLEEP WELL”.

And she did. No nightmares for the rest of the night.

[eolewyn1010]

For the ask thingy, you probably know whats coming xD

How about Franz Leitmyr? :D

Oh, that's almost too easy.

character: HE'S MY PRECIOUS. But you already knew that.

ship with: Ivo Batic, obv... why do we even need to question this... oh wait, Franz is a Slut(TM), so also: I really liked Frances, his girlfriend from "Gefallene Engel", a police technician lady from some 90s episode whose name I can't remember but with whom he was lovely bickering-flirty, he definitely had whatever with that old guy Alois from "Freies Land", possibly with Sven from drug squad in "Nicht jugendfrei", and because I have headcanons, he totally had something going on with my old man Thorsten in 1979's Hamburg.

brotp: Also Ivo, tbh. I mean, he has some sweet friendships going on and I like a lot of them played out, esp. his chemistry with Carlo, but I'm kinda with Fox on this one: Ivo and Franz are the only ones for each other whom they'll keep for the rest of their lives, no matter how you wish to read their relationship.

Gotta admit, I kinda liked him being friends with that psychologist lady, Christine. Yeah, she's not a very popular character and there's been cringing about the "flirting" between them, but I only ever read that as playful, not supposed to go anywhere, so it was fine to me in a bro way.

general opinions: I feel him on a spiritual level, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. He has the perfect sense of humor imho and a stubborn bitchiness that I admire, but he's not exactly a wholesome personality. Right, Mr. Guilt Complex? (Hey, maybe that's why I ship him with Thorsten.)

[macgyvertape]

HZD liveblog

time to see how badly watching a friend play the first 10 hours and then the internet spoiling the whole GAIA/HADES and clone thing, actually ruined me for the emotional beats of the story

VERDICT: Not really ruined, the clone thing would have been fairly easy to guess early on and HADES’ origins didn’t have a lot of emotional weight

So much of what got me emotionally invested was the environmental storytelling of the old world and the audio/text logs. Like yeah Aloy’s arc and journey was good but the game would have been lesser without them

The “old world” being set in the not so distant future and dealing heavily with themes around nihilism vs hope with climate change and extinction, I found it really compelling with the robot plague being a fictional metaphor of real issues that are easy to get doomerist about

Gameplay wise

spent a fair amount of time adjusting the graphics, and yeah 2 min into controling Aloy i get what people were talking about with controls feeling jank. This is AFTER the patches, glad i waited. Also the agony of minute+ loading screens ocassionally which is why i finished this with so many notes

the notes were great when I took a break midway through playing this game so I could look back

dodging/evading felt really janky at times I don’t ever see myself doing the game on harder difficulties especially since the game is long enough without doing sections slow with stealth or having to take time to go gather resources

My playthrough is ending at around 60 hours, I don’t see myself doing a ng+ anytime soon, but I do hope the sequel eventually gets ported to the PC

Liveblog comments below the cut:

oh shit 3 audio logs in and it seems like the writing and sound design is gonna knock it out of the park. From happy birthday, to a new years party, to suicide by gun.

since i know the flashpoint personality choices don’t effect plot, yeah i chose throw a rock back at that kids head

Wow Erend is a smooth talker.

Its hard not to be really dismissive of all of Nora’s superstitious religiouness like “we will be forgiveness for the sins that brought such misery on the tribe”, due to my own experiences with Southern US religious conservatives

Especially after these past 2 years I just feel derisive of the Nora’s religious/cultural anti intellectualism but considering its very different circumstances when the game was made, I don’t think I really have the knowledge to deeply talk about how this game touches on stereotypes of native groups

I know this is a game, so there is a cost to rendering things, but how does the worldbuilding work? The Nora I don’t think can do a hunter-gather life style because they don’t leave the Mountain area, and it seems outside trade is extremely limited (if it exists) so do they farm and we don’t see it (except for berry picking in the beginning) Like the tumblr post where its like it takes 1 full feudal village to produce a knight, but I guess all the Braves double as food hunting too???? 

I know they went through a war recently but still no wonder having most of a hunting party + a large collection of the youth killed in a short amount of time would push the Nora near collapse.

The Forgotten quest, I did point out that Brom’s issues wouldn't disappear and he walked away. (the tribe continues to have members who are vocal about treating Aloy like shit, do you think 10 years of isolation would lead to them treating Brom any better?)  I'm really sideeying that the first side quest you get is a mentally ill poc man who is killed before and  the voices are driving him to kill again. Hmmmmmm, maybe i'm reading too much into things??? Idk…..

Easily did gold medal on the first hunter trials. Watching my friend play this on PS4 he really struggled here but i guess the difference is mouse+keyboard aiming

Nil’s pretty ripped, kinda hot… 

Playing on normal is pretty easy with combat so im fast tracking my skill points so i can summon a horse. I don’t have time to just run all over the map

Lol the “ring of metal” sports arena is a forbidden place, Varl’s nice 

Difficulty scaling in this game is bad. I’m at level the 20, and at lvl 18 i did cauldron Sigma that had a challenging boss fight (the dodge mechanics), and then I did Underequipped (just by running across it) that had some challenging enemy waves. Meanwhile I haven’t reached the Carja fort and I’m passing by a bandit camp that is lvl 9

Also i upgraded my outfit carrying capacity to 35. I currently have 6, SIX total outfits. This seems like overkill

Did the find the soldiers quest, fuck snapmaws

First thing i do on the other side of the carja fort is kill a lvl 27 stormbird as lvl 21

Wow the tallneck surrounded by the birds, actually difficult, reloaded several times. Adds just keep getting aggroed, until i waited to override a sawtooth and have it fight for me

My mount stopped and stood in the talknecks path and just got crushed, lmao

Whelp 12.5 hours in i finally reach meridian

Feel kinda sorry for Olin reading his journal

So the Carja have a whole religion too, that is easily interpreted to mean whatever they want. Namman seems to be the only reasonable religious official in this game so far

Did the rustwash tallneck right at level 23, just by riding past all the enemies and jumping on it

Did the last bandit camp pretty easy, now all base game map unlocked

Finally tracking Orin down, and i get the “Unknown Caller” and I immediately recognize Lance Reddick, I’ve listened to a lot of Zavala voicelines the voice is very recognizable

Didn’t want to play Aloy as someone who will kill for revenge in cold blood, not for someone like Olin. Chose the heart option to tell him to redeem himself. 

Time to fight another Stormbird since one attacked me when i fasttraveled to hunter quest, damn igniting the blaze cannisters does OP damage but also wow that bird wrecks my shit if i get close to it while grounded

I really like the robot strategic dismemberment. Shoot off their weapons, their plates, shoot the blaze cannisters to make them go boom. I’ll never play dead space but I enjoy this

Finally went to Rost’s grave, it was actually touching

Did another Cauldron, and in between just running around the map and wow i do a lot of combat -> gather -> upgrading loop. 

Im starting to consider the hunters lodge quests with their annoyingly precise quests, padding

Im fucking sure im not gonna do all the collectables edit: in the end i wound up doing the metal flowers without going too far out of the way and I wanted to get all the vantages. Didn’t finish the rest

Was wondering about farms with the Nora, here are farms right in Meridian’s walls!

Doing the Fatal Inheritance quest at lvl 30, I remember watching my friend play and him spending like an hour on this getting wrekt. Yeah I’m overleveled and my gear is purple

Looked up where to find the power cells: I don’t need that power cell shield weave armor, but i will grab the powercells as i go along i guess but not going back for any

Meeting up with Erend for main quest and i think its funny there recorded like 5 extra voicelines for if you take ur time looting and not talking to him

This feels very Witcher 3, use ur extra senses to play CSI, highlight some tracks then follow them to a fight. Like i know more games do it but 

Got the message “i advise you against visiting sunfal…” from not!zavala. But nothing seems to happen as i ride on by

Stealth through Maker’s End and killing the big machine was super easy. The enemies dont notice corpse and sniping with Shadow Sharpshot bow is EZ

Love how Aloy just yells “mysterious stranger did u see that” and is salty about no answer

Got the voice log where Ted Faro is like “use the back door” and the coder is like “you explicitly forbid any and all backdoors” and Faro is “well figure it out”

I don’t like Ted Faro already he’s every shitty management boss who has is the buisiness man on a tech dev project but  knows nothing of tech

Oh so they made the smart AI robots able to self replicate and able to eat biomass to better sell weapons. And the pivot to weapons after solving climate issues was Faro’s idea. Fuck Ted Faro, literally every hologram makes me dislike him more

Not!Zavala is Sylens, and actually a+ writing here with how Aloy’s priority questions are different and how hes salty her first question is his name

Chose the Heart response to Sylens dialogue and what a HOOT his “i don’t care” response was. Same VA as Zavala is somewhat influencing my enjoyment of the character but also this interpersonal conflict is fun

Rescued Olin’s family with him, i like this outcome vs rescuing his family and telling the wife I killed Olin out of revenge

Ok im doing the “A Daughter’s Vengence” quest and its too easy that combat is annoying instead of fun.

 I think i will just stop doing stealth because on Hard I’m too much of a glass cannon, and i don’t have time to stealth takedown 5 machines when i need to clear a site for parts

Doing the Banuk side quest and whats with the cords/wires interwoven in their body. I’m surprised that wouldn’t result in infection/toxic shock

Lots of voice logs in the Grave-Hold actually well written great worldbuilding. You hear a lot from Ames, then you hear from his wife where she says that the letters she get are AI written and don’t refer to all the awful events as the military is obviously losing, and civilians  know “the lights will go out”

Then i realize all the audio logs from Ames in that room say “edited” and have a lot of “...” gaps, meaning stuff was scrubbed 

Love how Aloy is like yeah Sylens i know the Earth isn’t flat (also I can’t tell if the continents look different to deliberately show tectonic drift or how sealevels rose)

Oh wow that Kopesh can demolish the catwalk instakilling me

Got a plus 51% handling time to slap that on my Sniper Bow

Ok so I get it now, thx to internet spoilers. The robots WON. Dr Sobek just had the US military kidnap scientists to build a vault system (reseeding life was the part i was spoiled on), and had the Military arm all the civilians and lie to this that the war would be winnable with a “superweapon” Zero Dawn. But no, everyone died

Ran across a thunder jaw while trying to hunt foxes. It would have been a rough fight if not for the armor arrows knocking off 2 heavy weapons and destroying the tail doing crits

Where is Nil, im doing a side quest to clean out bandits from a scrap site and I just remembered I haven’t seen that dude despite his promise to fight bandits with me

Okay Heap of Trouble quest heavy weapon segment was fun, also the quest giver Petra is cool af

Level 36 and i finally FINALLY get a fox skin for carry capacity increase. Holy shit that took too much farming

I wiped out the last bandit camp and got a “farewell” quest from Nil, googling shows he was supposed to help out with 2 other bandit camps but i guess the game is bugged and those quests didnt’ trigger. Glad I can watch it on youtube

Nil seems so sad I didn’t kill him. Of course i wouldn’t, he’s a weirdo but a fun weirdo and i bet he’ll show up for the final battle as a cameo. Thats how these big AAA games with “rpg elements” go. 

Bet people online are thirsty af for him (who am i to judge)

Wish we got a hide helmet option, I like the look of a lot of the lower tier of armor but not enough to buy extra versions for cosmetics

Bow life and tripwires here

I just acquired 4 mugs on my travels, turned them in and i just got a collection of resources. Not worth it IMO

WHELP my game crashed fighting Ravagers, this is the 2nd time the game has crashed in combat

Chose the compromise option with the hunter quest, like didn’t seem the good choice to fight the large group and kill them

I really like Talanah, her helmet chinstrap though looks uncomfortable

Wow Brin is kinda accurate with the machine blood predictions, but also like suffering from severe heavy metal poisoning atleast

Avad the king seems very open with Aloy, wow

Blameless Marad seems to be what's keeping the sun king going

I have the Warbow and Tearblaster, and for fucks sake gotta go find fish bones again

Just hit lvl 40 rescuing Ersa

I kinda hoped Ersa would live but that would be too much happy ending for this game

So serene is pretty self deprecating, the way he talks about always being drunk makes me think its borderline alcoholism if not flat out. 

Kinda surprised there isn’t more substance abuse in this world, but I guess its hard to get substances to abuse

Well except for machine blood guy

Right about here is where I gave up farming for resources and just lived with small carry capacity for new weapons and bought resources from merchants

The Carja have prison, and like a reform system, wow that takes resources especially in a very fragile society. Sucks that like Carja don’t allow women to be soldiers unless they can literally maim the opposition until they shut up

Back on main quest line: I really like the “i serve my own interest” type antagonists especially when they are competent and especially when the team up to help to against another antagonistic force

Really Aloy spends so much of the game alone, its good variety to see her interact with a person who also understands machines but they don’t get along. Motivation to help others with Aloy vs motivated for himself Sylens

Wow maybe Helis wouldn’t have become a fanatic if his wife and child hadn’t died in childbirth. Stereotypical angst BUT its one of those preventable deaths if medical knowledge had been preserved  (can’t believe i wrote this before the big Ted Faro crimes against humanity reveal)

Chase segment was GOOD

I like Vanasha

GLAD THE GAME TELLS ME I’M AT A POINT OF NO RETURN

I really liked the Uthid questline, though at the end even as lvl 43 i was spamming heals

Doing the other quest, Vanasha has a six pack she’s shredded

I like finding text entries that talk about how fucked the world was even before the killer machines, talking about mosquitoes going extinct during a period of time people just call the “Die off” with whole new pandemics. Really feelz too real rn

Its definitely at the top of the list for good worldbuilding writing, shame just so much of it is hard to find over the entire open world

Fuck the Spurflint trials, too much random chance and bullshit. Its not worth my time to do them

I really like how the Zero Dawn facility is laid out. All the notes talking about just the human resource problems from snatching people around the globe and telling them how little time is left until extinction. The logs talking about the different options people had, and you can find one of those small solitary confinement rooms

The tragedy of Operation Enduring Victory, all the lies that were told and the people sacrificed just to hold off the robots for a little bit longer to try to build Zero Dawn to bring humanity back after total extinction; like its good writing the way they build up to it

Herres: “please note I am sorry and i wish you well” good shit

Sylens with the big heroic moment! Promptly undercut by him being so dismissive of the first message Aloy saw with her focus, then an apology for being needlessly cruel before.  On that note, damn Sylens really has got a lot of intel this whole time

A lot of feelings about how so many messages in the game are left by people uncertain if someone will survive to see them but hoping none the less. 

Also the children raised by AI with obvious limitations forbidden from accessing the rest of the space, the area only takes a few minutes to get through but its great environmental storytelling. So roughly 700 years later they are the present day Nora

Sylens really expressed that horror, they could look down into space they couldn’t access and raised by AI who obviously had gaps until they were sent outside since there was no more food

All the feels: Rost’s tragic backstory, Aloy hugging Teersa 

LMAO ran across sidequest “death from the skies” i think that previous point of no return wasn’t as NO RETURN as I thought but I did notice where dialogue would have differed

Listening to peoples final messages as they’re sealed in GAIA with no return, then Elisabet’s sacrifice, its genuinely moving. You meet them not to long ago in the Zero Dawn facility but the logs serve to really flesh out the characters and flesh out that time was up, especially since some of the people met before chose suicide

FUCK TED FARRO, WHAT AN ASSHOLE LIKE HOLY SHIT I HATE THIS GUY, LIKE HES THE REAL VILLAIN HERE DONT THINK IVE HATED A VIDEO GAME DUDE MORE

Without Elisabet there to “manage” him he fucked the world over a second time, classic entitled rich white dude talking about the fucking “innocence of man” after he ordered the Faro war machines that he refused to understand the risk of no shut off

I don’t think I’ve been angry at a fiction man, I had to get up and go get myself a drink to take a moment

Like the horror of seeing their preserved corpses and the holograms overlaying it for that <min it’s very good at building up suspense because you KNOW something is wrong 

Like the way he STUTTERS on talking about women there, the way that all the deaths from basic preventable things that he doesn’t even care about like CLASSIC SILICON VALLEY FUCKBOY

NOT to mention not just the MURDER OF THE ALPHAS, but like all the deaths becuase the work wasn’t fully completed aside from Hades going rampant. 

That Sylens founded the eclipse isn’t a super surprise, he obviously regrets what his ignorance served more so than just assisting them one time

Its very funny to do the Dervall quest and see Avad in his grief make a pass at Aloy then apologise for it immediately in the next quest dialogue

I do appreciate all the people showing up for Aloy (it’s cute how many of them flirt)

Chose the heart option with Helis, i kinda do pity him but not enough to not kill him

Crying at the ending where Aloy visits Elisabeth grave and there’s the pan out with the triangle shape of the flowers like all the other flowers GAIA had created

That post game Sylens scene, maybe I ignored how he literally said he would use Hades again if it gained him knowledge cause I just liked the character so much. Feels like I just got Solas’d and he’ll be the big bad of the next game 

Doing DLC Dam quest, Gildrun really made it enjoyable hes just so enthusiastic. Wish i could have found a mirror to give him. Just people finding joy in music over and over

The DLC old world narrative seems to be Blevins is peak stereotype  asshole middle manager

Really appreciate how i can safe spot snipe all these towers

Remembered those 3 hunters as what they were willing to fight for

I enjoyed the main DLC story, told Cyan to be honest with the Banuk. The sibling relationship arc was well written as were the tie ins to the larger Zero Dawn plot

OF FUCKING COURSE Sylens was snooping in and chimes in at the end

Theres that vibe where “only you get that warning” like Sylens definitely treats Aloy as better than everyone else who lives in ignorance

I upgraded to bluegleam bows, I’m not going to bother to do so for all my armor

[aloisofmissouri]

A Journal Entry

July 20th, 2021

11:44pm

Trigger Warning:

 Sexual Assault, Self Harm,Mental Health, physical health, and occasional swears.

Dear Reader,

I’m only eighteen but I have experienced a lot, and so have many other teens I know. I know at least four of my classmates have been raped at some point in their life. And who knows what others may have been through and I never knew. 

But I’m not writing to share their story, unless they decide that they want their story told. As of now, I am writing to share my story. 

So, let's start with my earliest memory.

My earliest memory is watching Elmo and Little Bear from my crib in the living room when I was probably a toddler. I don’t remember much, other than enjoying the cartoons. It was happy and innocent. One of the few childhood memories I can look back on and smile. 

I was really young when I was first raped. First raped, you caught that part, right? Yeah, I wasn’t raped just once, but multiple times by one man. The man I had grown up calling my father. The man on my birth certificate. I’m not exactly how old I was when it started, but if I had to guess, I was probably in the first or  second grade when it went past the occasional groping and lewd comments. 

Near the end of third grade, my mother decided to take me and my sibling to live with our grandmother. But that didn’t last long.

We ended up moving back in with our mother and abusive father when I was in fifth grade. I didn’t want to but my father manipulated me into doing so. He threatened to place a restraining order on my grandmother when I wanted to stay with her. 

Things were miserable and the abuse continued. But luckily I was able to go back to my grandmother by sixth grade. But I still had to deal with what happened.

I believe my grandmother meant well, but she use to tell me not to let people know what had happened to me. She said that no one would want to be with someone who was raped because a lot of people view them as used or damaged goods basically. 

My grandmother was a bit emotionally damaging, though I know she more than likely didn’t know that she was being so. I have reason to believe that she has dementia and possibly a personality disorder. 

I remember her saying that I shouldn’t wear plaid or spotted clothing because it would make me look bigger than the broad side of a barn. She also told me to stay away from bright colors because they would have the same effect. I refused to stay away from plaid though, I kept that jacket from middle school until junior year when I could no longer zip it. But it took me a long time to wear bright colors, and it is still hard. I also have a hard time feeling comfortable in my own skin, and not just because of the occasional comment about my weight from my grandmother, but also because of the abuse I had dealt with from my father. I spent the majority of school always wearing jeans, jackets, and dark clothing. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing shorts. And I’m still getting used to wearing them. 

I had to go to court in middle school. Someone had apparently turned my father in for what he had done to me (I was living with my grandmother again by then) and we still do not know who reported them. I wish I could thank whoever turned him in. 

Sadly, they only gave him three years despite the evidence. And he was only going to have to serve one and a half years because of the amount of time spent in a jail cell waiting for court that kept getting rescheduled. He died of stage four lung cancer though before he was half way through his time.

My freshman year I finally realised I had anxiety and that there was something definitely wrong with me mentally. By my sophomore year, I was self harming and in counselling and diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, OCD, and Anxiety. By junior year I was on a lot of medication thanks to a pill happy psychiatrist. And I was miserable. But thankfully, I found a new psychiatrist who quickly helped me get cut down to just one pill. Near the end of junior year, I quit self harming. And I also finally started to get a bit of control over my mania and my depression.

I have a Google Doc somewhere that has over 150 pages of poetry, and the majority of it is about depression, trauma, and anger. And they were all written during middle school and highschool. Writing poetry helped me then. Now, I don’t really write poetry anymore. I have only written a handful of poems within the last year. And they were mostly in Shakespearean English because I thought it would be fun.

I believe I might have religious anxiety. I don’t remember the technical term though. I grew up going to Baptist Churches and had a heavy christian influence. But sadly, Christians aren’t quite as christian as they are supposed to be. 

Due to being constantly worried about sinning and about being too filthy and being damned to hell, my depression and anxiety got to me from a different angle. I kept breaking up with everyone I dated if I feared we were getting too close. I would either feel like I wasn’t good enough or I would fear that we would have sex and I would be damned. I also hated myself for my sexuality, though it took me a long time to figure that out. I supported my LGBTA+ friends but when it came to myself, I couldn’t accept myself. 

When I self harmed, I would do it because I felt filthy and had this urge to scratch my skin off my body because I never felt clean. I never hurt myself too severely, just scratches and shallow cuts on my wrist and my thigh. But I still found it hard to quit. It became far too easy to always turn to the blade, regardless of if I was feeling filthy or if I was dissociating or if I was having a panic attack. 

Despite what had happened to me, I’m finally starting to become me. Even though I am still discovering who I am. I quite self harming, I don’t have quite as many panic attacks or nightmares, I lost my virginity, learned I am demisexual (leaning a bit towards asexuality though) Panromantic and Nonbinary. I also discovered I have some other health issues outside of my mental health. I am apparently allergic to alphagall, peanuts, and wheat. Thankfully I just get slightly sick if I eat those things though, but it is still a bit annoying when those things are basically in everything you like to eat. 

I also found out that the reason my menstrual cycle has always been so irregular is because I have cysts. Originally I thought I had PCOS but now after some ultrasounds, it is looking like Endometriosis. I have cysts on my uterus and my ovaries. The doctor told me that my insurance should cover the surgery if I were to get a total hysterectomy. 

I never really wanted to give birth so that part of this doesn’t bother me, my fear is that there will be issues from the surgery. And it has also spurred some identity issues. But so far, I am sticking to they/them pronouns. Even though my family still calls me she/her. But I haven’t really come out to them. They know I’m not 100% straight, but who wants to sit down and explain to their grandmother (who dropped out of school in eight grade to care for her grandma, has a flip phone, and just a few years ago decided to accept the lgbt+ part of her family) that I’m nonbinary? I barely manage to explain to my mother (highschool dropout because of pregnancy, has a touch screen phone and understand some things of the current century) that there is more than just straight, gay, and bisexual. I explained to my mother the other day what omnigender and nonbinary is. Had to explain transgender to my mother when I was a junior and introduced her to a friend of mine who was afab but went by he/him pronouns. 

I suppose that despite all the shit I’ve been through, at least my mother doesn’t give two flying fucks who I like. When I told her that I thought I was pansexual in middle school, all she did was ask me what that meant. Then she just nodded her head and went with it. Same thing when I decided I was Wiccan in middle school. She even bought me a pentacle necklace and every book (mostly fantasy) that mentioned witches. I no longer identify as Wiccan, I mostly just stick to animist. But my point being, my mother didn’t throw a fit when two of her nine kids came out as gay. Even if she does identify as a Saturday Adventist, she supports us. She even listens to me ramble about mistranslated things in the Bible and my views on theology. And my rants about Supernatural. Though she did laugh when I spent about an hour crying after the Supernatural second to last episode of season 15. She did listen to me rant about Castiel and the plot lines and everything. Though I had to keep explaining some of the characters to her. 

Despite the things I’ve been through, I managed to graduate high school, survive my severe depression and anxiety, and now I am thinking about possibly applying for Law school and going to college. And I now also have the confidence to do what I want and wear what I want. Though I still feel all nervous about asking out a girl I’ve been friends with for about three or more years. I’ve now made the excuse to wait and see if she mentions not being completely straight. Oh, and she now has a boyfriend too so yeah, gonna have to wait a bit.

Until next time,

Alois 🐧