#I feel so passionate about public domain laws and how the ones we have now gatekeep art from the public

[spock-smokes-weed]

I need you to understand how much shit was robbed from us by the public domain and copyright laws being changed to favor companies

The longest amount of time a piece of media could be copyrighted before entering the public domain was 56 years

For reference, the first season of Star Trek TOS would have been public domain by now.

[holofoiltowercard]

The Journey of The Tarot Haiku

XI: Justice - Laws

Today's post will be about the legal aspects of Kindle Direct Publishing, or what I did in the course of signing up and self-publishing my book.

First, I printed out the entire user agreement, which was like seven pages in teeny tiny font. It didn't tell me about every single thing that I needed to know to publish, but it did allow me to ascertain the following:

how massive Amazon's influnce is over the content, which is where Kindle Create becomes crucial in order for your manuscript to look the way you want it to (I imagine that otherwise submitting something less formatted will undergo formatting for ebook or print that could possibly make the manuscript fall to pieces);

how public domain works are not eligible for Kindle Select, and Tarot was indeed considered public domain, so I could ignore those parts entirely now.

The rest I was fairly familiar with from work experience, so I could proceed to link a bank account and figure out taxation - which was thankfully easier than I first thought it might be, I answered the questions and it figured out the rest, so to speak.

Pretty much everything else on the rules of how to publish I got from KDP's different guidelines and from searching for other people's articles to cross-check what I was doing. The copyright came from following formats that aligned with what I was aiming for, for instance.

I think that's it for the genuinely legal side of it, because I didn't go for a pen name on account of it sounding rather difficult, and not knowing what I ought to do about copyrighting it. Everything of this sort is often written with Americans in mind, and I'm Hungarian, so I kept asking myself, does this apply to me? Is that how I should be doing this despite being based in a different country? And in the end I dropped it. There is a wealth of articles on the subject, but few are straightforwardly helpful, so be prepared to read a lot of filler.

As for the rest... be prepared for the laws of capitalism to have Instagram in their clutches. 99% of my interactions there so far have been with people desperate to promote or review my book for a fee. I did pay for a bit of advertising on there, but I would not call it a pleasant experience: I'm sure they are rendering a service that has the potential to be helpful, and I hope to everything that it will, but it is very clear that everyone on Instagram is marketing themselves very desperately, and when you say you cannot afford to pay them, which is completely true, I'm not a multi-millionaire turning starving orphans from my door but a single person who is losing their job to funds drying up everywhere, people can get bitter. And all I can do is sit there and empathize. It is terrible that nowadays we feel forced or compelled in some other way to monetize everything about us, including our hobbies or passions. When I turned down a reviewer, he typed, "okay bye flop author" in response, then deleted it in a hurry, and first I laughed, but then I sat there thoughtful and sad, not because it was an insult that could hurt me, but because it genuinely felt frustrated and bitter, and I wished for better things for both of us. I was not prepared to find this much hunger and desperation on Instagram, but it is out there. I wonder if anyone talks about it much amid all the glitter and glamor everyone is trying to project, and which itself is becoming sort of terrifying to me. The more I look at Instagram videos, the less I want to ever make videos. I guess you could say it's sort of a lawless land of shilling, and I can't even blame those who are genuinely desperate. I'm one of them after all.

If you love Tarot, consider checking out my book or telling others it exists. It would be lovely to talk to people who love Tarot.

Buy the ebook

Buy the paperback

Buy the hardcover

[miekasa]

speaking of college boys, what do the college au aot babies study??

Okay, okay, I think I’ve talked about this in an ask before but I can’t find it 😭😭 but it’s okay, I love college aus, so I’ll talk about it again! Plus, now I’ve got more thoughts for more characters, so here we go

Levi — neuroscience and psychology of human behavior

He started out on track to do a bachelor of arts in psychology, but when they touched on the anatomy and biological parts of it during his first year lecture, he switched to a bachelor of science.

The focus is still psychology, but through a more clinical lens. Essentially, he gets the best of both worlds this way. He’s intuitive and analytical, so clinical and mental diagnosis is easy to dissect for him. He’s also canonically good at math, so the calculus and stats parts aren’t too bad, either.

This major also leaves him with a few options post-grad, which is a nice bonus for him. He’s likely going to medical school, but that’s not the only route open to him: law school, therapy, lab work, medicine and pharmacy, even teaching are all viable options without going to grad school.

Do not talk to him about Freud unless you wanna get punted off a building.

Be careful with him, because with a single glance he’s already got scarily accurate predictions about your parental and emotional attachment styles, your behavior in social settings, and the onset (or seemingly lack thereof) of your frontal lobe development.

He thinks he’s so smart making comments like, “I see those synaptic connections aren’t working so well for you today,” like mf come here let me lobotomize you and see how well your synaptic connects are working after that🙄

Eren — general health sciences

He’s interested in science and the discovery aspects of it, but picking a specific field of focus right now feels too final. He likes it this way, because his schedule and requirements are less restrictive, and he has more room to find out what really interests him.

He does best when he’s doing something he loves, so picking a major with a bunch of reqs that he couldn’t care less about would have sucked big time for him. It also would have affected his grades. There are still some classes he has to take that he’s not fond of (see: chemistry), but that’s to be expected. Science in general is cool to him and he hopes to make his own discovery some day, even if it’s microscopic.

He also plays a lot of sports, keeping his schedule flexible is important. The sports end up helping him excel academically, which is a nice bonus. Honestly, Eren uses his time at university to learn more about himself than anything, so having control and freedom to do what he likes the majority of the time was important to him. 

He uses his elective credits to take philosophy or history courses of his interest, or maybe even a course that you’re in just to spend time with you. He also uses you as a live model for his homework bye, congrats on being patient number one to him.

Armin — astronomy and physics

He’s still interested in marine biology, but unless he attended a school near a coast, or with a specialized integrated program for that, it’s unlikely he’d major in it during undergrad.

Space and ocean exploration aren’t all that different. Both are vast, largely unexplored domains that reel-in Armin’s interest for discovery. So, while studying astronomy, he still gets to study evolution and make his own predictions about what could be out there because there’s so much to know.

Physics comes with the territory of learning about planetary science, and he’s mathematically inclined, so it works out for him. Learning about the different physical properties of other planets and space masses is honestly pretty sick to him. Because math isn’t a struggle, he actually considered aeronautical engineering, but he didn’t want to be a part of the college to military pipeline; that is, he didn’t want any potential design of his to be weaponized. 

He still gets to study animal biology through his elective courses, and might even find a few focused on marine animals to satiate him. Plant and cell biology are also of interest to him, and are just further applications of his primary study anyway, so he’s got plenty of room to work with.

This boy is interning at NASA and still, with his whole chest out is like, “I don’t need to discover a new planet, you’re my whole world.” Armin, go check on the Mars rover or something please.

Mikasa — anthropology + minor in japanese language studies

Anthropology is virtually interdisciplinary in nature, and Mikasa is a pretty well rounded student, so she’s able to excel in a program like this. She gets to study history, science, cultural studies, and even a bit of art all at once.

She’s still debating between going to law school vs med school, so anthro this is a good in-betweener. She gets a taste of science through her anatomy and kin courses; and lots of practice with reading and dissecting texts through the historical and cultural lectures. So, when the time comes to decide, she’ll have some experience with both.

Don’t know whether it’s confirmed that she’s (part) Japanese or not, but either way I headcanon that she speaks/spoke some second language at home. She wanted to delve more into it, and courses were offered at the university so why not?

Cultural studies courses end up being her favorite. She likes learning about the history of people and their cultures, and it encourages her to learn more about her own family history and culture. It also propels her to apply for a study abroad opportunity, so she spends at least one semester doing an exchange program and absolutely loves it.

She would also encourage you to apply and go, too. You guys might not be in the same program, but if there’s an applicable program in the same country she’s going to, then she’d definitely want you to apply. Spending the semester away with you would be a dream come true.

Hange — bioengineering + minor in political philosophy and law

It’s almost self-sabotage to be in an engineering program and have a minor; the coursework for engineering alone is backbreaking, and bioengineering has the added weight of human intricacies, but of course Hange makes it possible. 

They’re nothing short of a genius, so of course they have time to work a completely unrelated minor into their schedule. It doesn’t surprise anyone that they go on to complete an MD-PhD after undergrad. Insane. 

Bioengineering is essentially the synthesis of chemical engineering and health sciences; Hange spends their time exploring biological sciences and applies the engineering aspects of their coursework to their understanding of (and interest in creating) medicine. Truly a one of a kind mind. 

They also have an interest in philosophy and justice, so when they found out they only needed a measly nine or ten courses to minor in, they went for it, of course. In honesty, they don’t find the studies all that opposing: both law making and medicine making both have some kind of philosophy or method to them in their eyes. 

Hange has... little to no free time pls. They don’t mind it, because they love their coursework, but this means you are essentially ducking into their labs or scrambling to find them in-between their classes during your time in undergrad. They appreciate every second spent with you tho, and will gladly rope you into long discussions about their work. 

Jean — biochemistry + minor in art sustainability

He was undeclared his first year, and took a little bit of everything: art, science, history, anthropology, english. Basically, anything that fit into his schedule. It was hard for him to pick one thing—he liked the science and lab applications of STEM courses, but not the math; and the obvious painting and creativity of art, but hated the pretentious air about art history.

What he wants to do is make a difference, which is how he ends up knowing that he wants to go to med school after, so he picks a science-heavy major, but uses his elective spaces to take art courses. When he mixes the two, he ends up on sustainability—and the complexities about it that are applicable to both science and art are what really reels him in.

Interdisciplinary studies end up being his forte. He can approach sustainability from a science perspective which impacts his art style and materials; and tuning into his creative side allows him to think about science not just from a purely clinical perspective, but from a human one, too—patients are people after all.

He believes that everything is connected somehow, even things as seemingly opposite as art and biochemistry. And he works towards finding the unique intersection where everything overlaps. His studies are pretty cool, and he’s very passionate about them, so ask him about it 😌

The art he makes is pretty sick, too, and often commentary about science; he’s proving they’re not so opposite. You also heavily influence his studies in both areas: caring about you so much inspires him to take the healthcare focus seriously, and your very nature is inspiration to his art. 

Sasha — nursing

She’s friendly and good at working with people, so nursing was an easy choice for her. She accredits most of her motivation to being around her younger family members, and learns that she finds a simple kind of joy in helping to take care of others.

She struggles a bit her first year when it’s mostly all grades and standardized testing, but when she starts getting clinical experience and working in the hospital on campus, things round out for her.

Patient care is her strongest point. A lot of people often forget that knowing everything isn’t everything; if you don’t know how to calm or even just talk to your patient, you’re not that great of a healthcare professional.

Pretty certain that she wants to work with kids in the future, but she’s open to public health and even being a travel nurse if she finds opportunity there!

Of course, she’s pretty doting when it comes to you and all her friends. She might want to go into pediatrics, but the basics of nursing and health care extend to everyone, so you’re guaranteed to be well taken care of with Sasha around. You might even have to switch roles and take care of her sometimes, because her coursework can get pretty out of hand.

Connie — computer engineering with a focus on game design

He might not look it, but Connie has a brain under that shaved head of his. Computer engineering is cool to him because he basically learns about how simple things he uses every day (ie: phone, computer, microwave) works.

Systems and coding are actually the easy part for him, especially when they get into the application of it and aren’t just stuck looking at examples. That’s how he gets into game design.

The part about math and electricity and magnetic fields… well let’s just say he needed to make friends with someone who likes math and hardware his first year to get through it. But the struggle was worth it, because by his junior year he’s found a professor willing to mentor/supervise him as he works on his game and other projects, so life is good.

His school work is definitely hard, which is why the lives by the mantra of “work hard, party harder.” It’s only fair. 

He makes you a little avatar so you can test out his games for him <33 best boyfriend things <33 He’d also… build a game about your relationship. Every level is a different date you guys went on, and he definitely includes something cheesy, like “There are unlimited lives because I love you forever babe <3”

Porco — kinesiology + maybe mechanical engineering

He’s pretty into athletics and working out, but didn’t wanna go down the sports psychology route; he wanted something that left him with a few more options, so he ended up in kinesiology.

He was surprisingly pretty good at biology in high school, so something stem-oriented works out in his favor, and it turns out he’s pretty damn good at anatomy, too. He’ll probably end up in physical therapy after graduation.

He’s also got a knack for cars, which is where the engineering comes in, but he doesn’t care so much for the math part of it (he doesn’t care for it at all actually, fuck that); he just wants the hands on experience of building/fixing things and working with his hands. So, if he can get a minor in it and not struggle through 4 years of math, then he’d do that. If not, he’d take a few workshop-like classes.

Because he wants to go into physical therapy, you are essentially his practice patient. Your back hurts? Not a problem, he’s basically a professional masseuse. Muscle aches? He’s got a remedy and understanding of why it’s happening. Don��t let him catch you hunting over your desk grinding away at your homework, because he will poke your neck and correct your posture (he’ll also massage your shoulders, but after the scolding).

Pieck — classics + minor in philosophy

Ancient studies interest her, but more than that, the language of ancient Greek and Roman culture fascinates her, so classics is the way to go.

Because her focus within Classics ends up being Greek and Latin language studies, she is essentially learning both languages at the same time. She gets farther with Latin that she does with Greek. For whatever reason, the former comes almost naturally to her, so her written and translated work is more complex in Latin.

However, she finds cultural studies relation to Greece more interesting than that of Rome, so it’s a give and take with both; better at languages for Roman studies, better at culture and history for Greek studies.

Her minor is a natural evolution from her primary coursework. Ancient Romans and Greeks set the foundation for a lot of modern day philosophy, so it comes up in her major classes, but she wanted to delve further into the philosophy, and not just look at it historically, so she takes more courses to fulfill the minor.

Can be found laying on a blanket in the quad on a hot day, with her books spread out all around her, highlighter in hand as she works through her reading. You’re always invited to sit with her, and more often than not, it ends up with Pieck’s head in your lap, a book in her hands, and your own schoolwork in yours as you both read in each other’s company.

Bertholdt — computer science and coding

He’s level headed, good at planning, and above all, patient, so he’s cut out for this. He doesn’t consider himself to be particularly creative, which is why he doesn’t pick a speciality with lots of design; but he’s good at streamlining and ideas to life.

The patience really comes in when his code doesn’t run. It’s frustrating to scroll for two hours just to find out that the issue is a missing semi-colon in line 273 that he overlooked, but Berty will sit there until he finds it.

He’s also good at fixing issues. That’s not limited to issues in the code itself; it can mean finding shorter ways to produce the same function or loop, or integrating new aspects into existing code.

Also, he’d just be so cute, coding away on his computer. Just imagine: Berty working on his homework in the library, he’s got his signature crewneck + collared shirt look going for him, his blue-light glasses, a cup of coffee nearly as tall as him sitting at the corner of his desk. Adorable.

He’d make little codes/programs for you, too, even if it’s silly. A simple code that helps you decide what to eat for dinner or where to go on a date, one that shuffles different reminders for you, hell he’ll even forgo the torture of design engineering just to build you a little robot that says “I love you” to you.

Reiner — english + minor in justice & political philosophy

Everyone expects Reiner, star quarterback of the university’s rugby team, to be a business student or communications student; but no, he’s an English major, and he loves it.

Just imagine a guy as huge as Reiner absolutely manhandling someone on the field, just to show up in his lectures with a tiny paperback of The Great Gatsby tucked between his fingers with his reading glasses on. It’s so precious.

He’s always running a bit late to class—either coming from the gym, or practice, or oversleeping from exhaustion—but he’s so sweet to his professors and genuinely interested in the literature that they don’t give him a hard time about it. They can tell that balancing school and sports is difficult, and they just appreciate that he takes his studies seriously.

Yeah he’s in a book club and he dog-ears his books. What about it. They’re doing poetry this month and Reiner actually likes Edgar Allen Poe. Who said jocks can’t be sentimental.

He also reads a lot outside of his classes, and has a soft spot for coming of age stories. He usually empathizes with the main character somehow. His ideal weekend plans after a week of grueling games and essays is taking a long, relaxing shower at your place, while you both share a bottle of wine, and maybe even get you to read a chapter or two of his current book out loud to him.

Annie — clinical psychology/neuroscience

Almost scarily analytical and methodic, so this major was calling her name. Localizing brain legions is… insanely intuitive to her it’s incredible. She’ll be an insanely impressive doctor someday, even if she doesn’t end up working with patients directly. 

She doesn’t care too much for the more philosophical/reading heavy parts of psychology. Even experiments and research closer to the social end of the spectrum aren’t all that interesting to her; but the brain science behind it it.

Nobody should be good at cellular biology. Nobody should be able to ace cell bio and neuro and calc and work towards their thesis proposal in the same semester, but Annie proves it’s possible.

Ends up working in one of her professor’s labs by her junior year. She was offered three TA positions working with first year students, but she swiftly turned them down. Teaching isn’t her thing.

She doesn’t bring up her studies to you unprompted, but if you ask her about them she’ll explain it to you. Her notes are color coded and it’s super neat, and very cute; coloring them is somewhat relaxing for her. She usually saves the coloring part for when you guys study together; there’s extra comfort in doing it with you around.

[i-shall-never-repent]

If you love a femme fatale in MDZS, here is a canon one for you.

This going to be long post with pictures, please remind yourself that skim reading or read just half of a post and then kick a fuss is unbecoming of an intellectual being humans suppose to be. Any discussion after finished reading the whole post is welcome. Also I’m not an expert on Chinese culture, just amateur with passion, and English is not my first language, if any grammar, spelling, or context error have been detected, please let me know, politely. I’m always willing to learn and improve.

From my observation, there is not a small part of this fandom salivating for a gorgeous seductive manipulative duplicitous bitch. Please believe me that we already have one in the canon, even with a fan. Though the correct term would be a Homme Fatal, a male equivalent of Femme Fatale.

Some of you may think of this man [Pic Source: Manhua]

No, not him. Not Nie Huaisang. This is a plot device for shock value.

You may have ask, then it must be this man right, but he doesn’t hold a fan? [Pic source: audio drama]

Also sadly no, not Jin Guangyao either. This man need to a kick and ‘son of a whore’ commentary from Nie Mingjue to motivate himself enough to kill him, too masochistic sentimental and not enough of ‘seducing’ evidence.

Homme Fatal, by the definition from Wikitionary, is “An ultimately seductive and dangerous man; a womanizer.” 

Who fit this description most in MDZS? It’s this man, Jin Guangshan. 

Let me introduce you to the real sexy manipulative scheming duplicitous mastermind of MDZS. With a fan. [Pic source: Donghua]

Now you might want to scream, this piece of trash, a man whore, slimy power hungry scumbag of the cultivation society Jin Guangshan? Are we talking about the same man? Yes, we are. And now I will elaborate.

First, look at his face, even though it might be universal agreement that he is not a good man, his appearance and his mannerism are indeed a seductive handsome man. Let me remind you again that these are his children.

From left to right: Jin Zixuan, Jin Guangyao, Qin Su, Mo Xuanyu [All pics are from Manhua]

They are undeniably, gorgeous. Jin Zixuan was rank 3rd in the young master list, that’s enough evidence of his good look. Jin guangyao may get most of his look from his mother - according to Guanyin statue that model after his mother’s face but people still thought it was his - but he still has his father’s charm. Qin Su is a beauty, even though we know nearly nothing about her, and Mo xuanyu’s face is definitely not shabby. Jin Guangshan’s gene is indeed worthy of a Jin’s name.

Second, Jin Guanshan is a dangerous man, might have been the most dangerous one on par with Wen Ruohan, even he was the weaker one in term of cultivation, at least you will have a gist if Wen Ruohan want you dead, you mostly still in the dark and not even wondering on your dead bed that did Jin Guangshan had a hand in your downfall. 

People like to forget that this man was Lanling Jin sect leader, sit on the throne in the viper pit call Jinlin Tower. That sect full of backstabbing people, gossips, and a lot of maneuvering in the dark. I’m still curious how in the heavens Jin Zixuan grow up to be the man he was in that kind of environment to be honest.

I can’t remember that Jin Guangshan was the oldest one in his generation or not, but we could assume that he surely at least had a sibling of main family line, because we have Jin Zixun, a man in ‘Zi’ generation who close enough to main family to share the ‘Zi’ character in his courtesy name, raise next to the clan heir as a spare one, and he call Jin Guangshan “uncle” (Can’t remember which one between Bó Fù/older paternal uncle or Shū Fù/younger paternal uncle).

Which mean he already a winner of his generation, when the story start, Lanling Jin was his domain, he was the highest authority over there with no contest, we never see anyone from Jin sect disobey him. Madam Jin can only voice out her displeasure, but can’t do anything regarding of her husband conduct. Their marriage, arranged as they were, is what tied Jin clan and her family together, which mean her maternal clan also on a good term with Jin, she cannot kick a fuss, as a marriage in ancient time never a matter of two people, it’s a matter of two families. 

And he was in process of securing his legitimated son place too. He raise his nephew as a ‘second best’, making sure that Jin Zixun will not have any ambition to ‘go above his station’ as we can see in the novel that Jin Zixun is Jin Zixuan’s fanboy or his lackey, he always praising or cheering Jin Zixuan, behave obediently toward his uncle, like that was his job. Jin Guangshan definitely win this one over already.

Now, one did not become a sect leader of a Great Sect and stay in power by being an incompetent moron. His habits of sleeping around may disgust people, but here me out, this is not unusual for a man of his status. His affairs with prostitutes [i.e Meng Shi] are easiest to take care, by the contract of transection, therefore he is blameless in the eyes of gentry class, they could only scold him for being ‘overindulgent’ or ‘lustful’, and he always go for the best one around, so some people might even praise him for his taste. Commoners and gentry class ladies [i.e. Second Lady Mo] are different, sleeping with those gentry class young miss not only a pleasure for him, it also could be a great way of getting information and blackmailing people too. Because if he let the public know which young lady he had already ‘conquered’, his reputation suffer nothing, but the lady in question will be ruined beyond saving, that’s one of the reason madam Qin decide to keep her raped quiet. And the lady’s reputation is link to her family, they will do many things just to keep Jin Guangshan happy and not to be shamed in public. Or if anyone want to have a problem with him, they still need to look at the social standing he had, both from his position as Sect Leader Jin and his extensive connections from all parties he threw. And if you think he would care about non-cultivators’ opinions, you have mistaken, to quote Tywin Lannister, "A Lion Doesn't Concern Himself With The Opinions Of The Sheep". Unlink Jin Guagyao who need his reputation to be spotless or else he’ll get a canon ending, the only ones he need to at least pretend to care are his cultivator peers of the same gentry class.

Sadly, him kicking Meng Yao down the stairs also ‘acceptable’ by the society standard of that era, because it’s Meng Yao who ‘trying to reach where he didn’t belong’ in the eyes of gentry, illegitimate children, if not acknowledged, have nothing to do with their father’s family. Cruel? Yes. But nobody care, this even become a famous joke, enough that people like Nie Mingjue know.

This prove that even he was a handsome man with a bad bitch vibes, many ladies still want to sleep with him, society still on his side, what a skill to have in one arsenal.

He was the only sect leader - in the Great sects categories - to get along with Wen Ruohan or play his card right, compare to Nie sect that lost the previous sect leader to a blatant assassination plot, but could only endure, the Lan’s Gusu was burned, Qingheng-Jun’s death, Lan Xichen need to flee for his life and his clan’s legacy, the Jiang’s Lotus pier suffer a massacre, and then you have Lanling Jin who sit on the fence with no damage. 

Then Sunshot campaign happen, he let his heir lead the Jin force while stay at Jinlin Tower, he feigned ignorance over Nie Mingjue’s letter concerning Meng Yao, if Meng Yao die, he would have one less problem in his life, if he survive then Jin clan still get a soldier to be used, no big deal. And when Meng Yao become a spy, this also benefit him greatly, if the Wen wins, he could say that he sent Wen Ruohan a good tool and was force to join the Sunshot side, pulling “Look at how unwilling I was, the Jin not even try that hard you see”.

We already witness he jump in full force to reap the benefit after the Wen lost, Jin Guangshan is smart and skill enough to wait for the clear victory, legitimize Jin Guangyao to take the war credits, with a ‘Guang’ name to exclude him from succession line, with a connection to Lan and Nie clans via Sworn Brotherhood. The best of all is no one can publicly complain anything, Jin clan is the most intact great clan after war, Lan need money for their rebuild their home, Jiang need to be rebuild from scratch, Nie Mingjue lack seniority to scold a man of his father generation, Lan Qiren who is in the same generation lack a position to do so, smaller sects also need his backing to rebuild, want to be on his good side or risking annihilation when no one can help them. He rope in the Jiang clan by Jiang Yanli’s marriage, for the society, he is the benevolent man who honors the promise of two clans even when the Jiang is still in ruin, he is a kind man who help the younger generation, what a good father-in-law to be. Now do you feel that this man is scary? He come out of war, lying in his own house but still emerge with enough political power to maneuvering society, that’s an achievement on its own.

Then he look at Yiling Patriarch, his next goal. If he cannot control this dangerous man then let him be destroy and let him create the one that will belong to Jin clan. Not dissimilar to the opinion in Cold War related to nuclear weapon. First he sow a discord between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, play the insecurities of young sect leader who has no family backing, pressure him with society, even though losing his heir was out of the plan. He used his ‘spare son’, who has a great work resume for shady business, to do all his dirty work and supervise demonic cultivation experiment that if society found out he could have a perfect scapegoat, after all, it’s not surprise for ‘a son of a whore’ with ‘dirty blood and upbringing’ to be like that. Daggling his ‘love and legitimize’ over Jin guangyao’s head to ensure loyalty and obedience. Getting Mo Xuanyu into the clan also sent a message that ‘I can always replace you with any of my spare’. He let Xue Yang have fun with the Chang clan, a revenge massacre while tasting demonic cultivation experiment, win-win for then both, Nie Mingjue went to talk with Jin Guangshan on this matter but Jin Guangyao end up taking all the blame of his father’s conduct, wow. Correct me if I’m wrong here, Jin Guangshan was the one who order Nie Mingjue’s death wasn’t he. If yes, then his plan to establish Jin sect as the main power after the war is really clean cut, ‘get rid of the one I can’t control’.

Let’s be real, Jin Guangshan must be the best politician of his own generation, Wen Ruohan is too strong for this skill to be essential, but doesn’t mean he isn’t good (may be next essay then), Jiang Fengmian wasn’t a bad sect leader, but he just too mild for that political climate, late Nie sect leader was too careless in whatever spat he had with Wen Ruohan, and Qingheng-jun was a fail sect leader. Yes, marry for love must be so romantic, but then he just throw all his responsibility onto Lan Qiren’s shoulder, poor man, what a disaster older brother to have, madam Lan debacle must be a political nightmare. 

Jin Guangshan’s mistake was he overvalue himself in Jin Guangyao’s eyes, and underestimated how low his bastard son willing to sink to before rise up, but need to give it up to him though, poetic justice of his death is so iconic. Not many people can claim they die while doing what they love aren’t they.  

[jeonggukingdom]

across a lifetime (m)

❖ Pairing:  Taehyung x Reader x Jeongguk

❖ Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Sci-Fi - criminal!AU, time-travel!AU

❖ Summary: In your world only a few rules exist: don’t reveal your true identity to anyone, kill or be killed and, most importantly, do not get caught. It only takes a few moments for the scale to be tipped to the wrong side, for the fine equilibrium to be easily ruptured by an inexplicable turn of events and for you to lose the only person that ever mattered to you. With the love of your life lost in the distant past, you are left with only one option: get caught. ❖ Word Count: 29.101 words

❖ WARNINGS: lots of violence, murder/death, mention of wounds and blood, gore, graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, oral (receiving), fingering, hickeys, dirty talk, cussing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex— the sex scene is not very kinky but it is very passionate ;)

❖ Author’s Notes: This story is part of the “Under Fire” collab hosted by the @btssmutclub ! ♥ Make sure to check the rest of the stories because they are all bomb **  ||  The main plot of this story was based on this prompt: here. I tried to research a lot to write the scenes set in the past but if there are some errors, please do not mind them too much, I really tried! ♥ ❖ PS: I know some of you struggle to read long fics on Tumblr so here’s the AO3 link to read it more comfortably: here!

❖ 6th May 2018, h 23:58 || Seoul, South Korea

 In your world only a few rules exist: don’t reveal your true identity to anyone, kill or be killed and, most importantly, do not get caught.

Taehyung’s scream behind your back comes in the form of your name, the urgency in his tone goading your legs to move even faster, begging you to keep going and not to stop, not to even look back. But you do look back, because that is the only way you think the dread in your heart will be quenched but, instead, you are met with the most terrifying sight you could have possibly envisioned.

The bright yellow uniforms of law enforcements shine like a beacon in the night, looking quite menacing in the night with their proximity.

You can hear their voices shouting your way, you can see their guns aimed at you both as you try to flee the scene and save your asses but it is clear, despite how hard you try to deny it to yourself, that this time, there is no chance of escaping and for the first time in forever, you are utterly terrified.

► two hours before

“Understood.”

Taehyung clicks his phone shut, his lips drawn in a tight line as he stares at the closed gate before you. The house it is supposed to protect is concealed by darkness, the silence all around it making it appear abandoned or, at the very least, currently vacant but you both know it is not the case. You can’t see them but you know there must be at least thirty guards surrounding the building and every way of access to it.

Most importantly, you know perfectly well who is secluded there, protected by his men as he comfortably sleeps in his master bedroom with a light conscience and a heavy wallet.

Your gaze drops on the file in your hands, your eyes scanning the pages one last time before you need to leave the car and complete your mission.

“Was it Hoseok?” You ask absentmindedly as you turn the page over to stare at the face of the man you are about to kill.

You have spent countless of days studying your target, his life and lifestyle, his habits and all the little things that can help you both finishing off the mission as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Taehyung hums as he rolls his eyes, the displeasure clear in his demeanour as he refuses to address what the nature of the call was.

“He means well,” you say, deciding to fill the silence with a peace offering hoping it will set his mood straight again so that he stays focused the entire time you are on the field.

You know Taehyung like the palm of your hand and you like to think he knows you just as much, to the point where sometimes words aren’t necessary to express what one of you two is thinking or going through. Sometimes, though, Taehyung makes it really hard for you to understand him and tonight it seems like it’s going to be one of those kinds of situations.

He has clearly decided to shield himself inside what you like to call his ‘silence-ball’, that inaccessible place in his mind he likes to seek comfort in when he is upset, angry or quite possibly both and not very willing to talk about it.

“I know, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” He replies after a few seconds that almost feel like minutes. The tension in the car gets thicker with every breath you take and it makes you squirm in your seat.

If there is something you do not like is working with your partner when he is in a dark mood. It makes you anxious, restless even and those feelings bring your eyes back to the file in your hands.

Target Name: Myung Ki Kwon, male Age: 37 Marital Status: married, 2 kids (currently out of the State)

You know the file by heart by now but still, you keep checking every single detail, careful not to overlook even a tiny fraction of it because, in your line of work, even a single hair can make the biggest difference.

You sigh out loud as you force yourself to close the file and stop over-thinking every single detail of this mission. It’s not like it is your first one nor the hardest one you ever got and, even though he is in a rough mood at the moment, you know you can always count on Taehyung. You have been partners for six years, four of which you have been spending as an actual couple and there is no doubt you can do your job to perfection.

Assigning you to this case was not a coincidence and even though the enmity between Hoseok and Taehyung is fairly mutual, your boss is still smart enough to recognise a good agent and trust them with the most dangerous and delicate cases.

Your target tonight is the head of the local mob, he ascended to power in the span of a few months after ruthlessly murdering his predecessor—someone who, at that time, was supposed to be your target.

In those few months at the head of a clan, though, Myung Ki Kwon has managed to conquer what the ones before him never could. Just like oil expanding in the sea at a quick rate, so did his power and, in a few weeks, half of Seoul has been turned into his domain.

"So what did Hoseok say?" You ask to both fill the silence in your car and possibly soothe Taehyung's nervousness and your own in the process.

Taehyung pursues his lips, his eyes turning cold as he fixes them on the road almost as if he's imagining your boss there, defenceless and ready to be shred to pieces.

"Apparently there will be no extraction team for us."

Taehyung's words are pronounced slowly, quite surely reluctantly because he knows perfectly well what they will do to you.

"What?!" It is something akin to a shriek what comes out of your mouth and he winces a little at the sound because he hates this just as much as you do, if not more.

Extraction teams are the most important things in your line of work. They are what makes it possible for you to survive and to not get caught and not having one can easily mean absolute doom.

Taehyung sighs and fixes his gaze on you, his eyes turning gentle as he takes in your distraught expression and the way your body has stiffened against the leather seat.

"There was a problem with the other mission and they had to send another extraction team there to help. They'll try to get here in time but we are most likely on our own."

Why not recall the mission? You wonder for a second but you know why perfectly well. This is your chance and to waste it would be too much of a risk. Your target must be eliminated, the sooner the better.

"It's ok, we're good enough on our own." Taehyung takes your hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze that makes you smile in return.

You know you are good, you know that most of the times your extraction team has been helpful only to make a quick escape but still, the doubt settles itself in the back of your mind and even though you try to ignore it, you know it'll remain there for the rest of the evening, like a woodworm.

"I know, you're right, I'm just being silly."

He gives you a little smile in return and then turns his focus on the iron gate again, peering in the darkness to check even the smallest of movements in its midst.

You have studied how the security system works, how often they take rounds and at what times so it is only a matter of waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

That moment is in about ten minutes, according to the watch at your wrist.

You take a deep breath in and close your eyes to relax both your body and mind.

You have been doing this for years and you know how important it is to calm yourself, steady the beating of your heart and clear your mind from all thoughts that aren't related to the operation.

You push out of your mind the doubts, the news about your extraction team not being there, you even push as far away as possible Hoseok's orders that morning. You know your job, you know how to kill and disappear like you never been there in the first place.

Being an assassin for a rogue agency—even if it is aimed to target high-profile criminals that menace to disrupt the equilibrium of the entire society—means you are public enemy number one for the Government and the law enforcement. To the rest of the world, you do not exist, you are absolutely invisible and that is how it shall remain.

"You ready?" Taehyung's voice peels you off from your meditative state and you open your eyes again.  Yes, you know you are.

You hum in response and follow him outside the car while clicking the timer on your wristwatch. Time, as always, is the essence.

You steal a glance at your companion and he silently nods in your direction whilst reaching for the gun behind his back.

You mirror his movements and follow him up to the gate, your eyes fixed on the dark field ahead to scan any possible change in the usual routine.

Just as expected, the passage is clear and it should remain so for the next couple of minutes—just enough for you two to climb the gate and seek coverage in the darkness before you are spotted and shot on the spot.

It was a surprise to discover that against all odds, the gate is not secured by anything aside from the guards. No electricity, no sensors for movements from the outside, no nothing.

For someone like Myung Ki Kwon to overlook something so important feels very out of place and that is why all of your senses are alert, ready to catch even the smallest of signs that things are bound to be harder then they look.

Behind this gate, the unknown awaits you. Aside from the number of guards placed on the outside perimeter and how they change position every two hours, you have no idea what is waiting for you behind those closed doors.

As your feet touch the ground on the opposite side of the fence and you wait for Taehyung to join you, you scan your surrounding with your infra-red glasses, seeking every trap that could be hidden in the darkness.

Your partner lands safely beside you and you exchange a knowing look because, from this point forward, you're on your own.

You nod towards him and hold his gaze for a couple of seconds, the usual silent prayers and recommendations hidden in it. Be safe, be careful, do not get caught, come back to me.

You turn your back towards your partner and silently run in the opposite direction, quickly finding refuge behind a big old tree. Just as you stop behind the bark and crouch on the ground, you spot the first guard.

He is an easy target for you when you are lurking in the dark and he has no suspicion of your existence.

He goes down quickly and silently as you ambush him from behind, your hands strong around his neck until you hear it crack to the point of no return.

You drag his corpse to your hiding spot and strip him off of his weapons, safely hiding a few inside your boots, your hostler and the small of your back. Extra ammunition is always helpful in those types of missions, especially when there is only two of you and plenty of them.

Your steps are silent as you come out of your hiding spot again. Your eyes scan your surroundings anew, your heart beating steadily in your chest as you crunch on your knees and look up towards the high windows where you know guards are situated.

Every step is careful and calculated because the presence of traps under the ground comes more and more plausible the longer it takes for you to spot another guard. It feels too easy and when an assassination mission appears to be simple it's because it is not and you are getting lurked inside a trap with not a single way out.

You glance at your watch and notice that ten minutes have already passed. It has been too long without a guard and you are now certain, the danger awaits you behind the corner.

You decide to ditch the perfect silence of your steps on the ground in favour of speed. After all, time is the only luxury you do not have at the moment.

Your run on the lawn seemingly goes unnoticed in the night and it helps you reach the opposite right external wall of the building.

Finally, you spot some guards there, their figures bulky and dark and menacing as they stand like statues in front of the balconies. In a one on one fight, you'd probably lose against any of them but you have an advantage right now: you are beneath them and they cannot see you just yet.

You take this opportunity to silence your weapon and shoot the closest one from your position.

Just as expected, the bullet perforates his neck—the only truly exposed spot in his armour—bringing him to the ground within seconds.

You quietly watch the two guards gaze in his direction before rushing towards him, just like you planned.

They go down just as easily, albeit the last one mustering a tentative shot towards your general direction.

The bullet doesn't even come near you but it is not good news either. A gun going off in the night is enough for everyone else in the house to be alerted by it and you know, there is no chance in hell you’ll be able to bring the other guards down as easily as these ones. You lost the element of surprise, after all.

Just as you expected, the lights flicker on inside of the building, shining like beacons in the night.

The initial advantage you and Taehyung had is shrunk to a minimum in an instant. Hiding in the dark won’t be as easy when there is light shining all around and eyes eager to catch even a single glimpse of movement on the outside.

You curse under your breath and check your watch again. Eighteen minutes.

You decide to go for it and rely on both your partner on the other side of the house and your own skills. There is simply no point of keeping yourself hidden like this the entire time. Now more than ever, your time is shrinking and the longer it'll take for you to enter the building and find your victim, the fewer chances you'll have to actually get to him.

You run as quickly as you can, your legs moving even faster as you realise someone has spotted you the instant you came out of your hiding spot. You do not dare a single glance their way or towards any of the windows and just keep pushing forward.

You can hear the bullets going off behind you, you can feel some of them graze your skin and the hissing sounds they make when they pass near your ears but still, none of them catches you and you know it is not just because you have skills, oh no, it is also luck.

When you finally reach the safe spot that represents the far end of the complex you are almost out of breath and you can make out the edges of a shadow lurking there, dressed all in black as to camouflage with the darkness itself, pointing a gun right at you.

For a second, you fear the worst. In fact, for a second you even consider lifting your own weapon and shoot them right between their eyes but then you recognize his stance and the way he holds his gun and you realize it is your lover you are looking at.

You quickly lift your arms as to surrender to him and you hear him hiss under his breath as he recognizes you as well.

"Shit, I almost shoot you." He whispers as he runs in your direction, cutting your distance short so you are standing side by side.

"What the fuck happened?"

"There were three guards and one of them shoot me before I could take him down."

You whisper as you keep scanning your surroundings, looking for more guards to take down. It is, again, oddly eerie and calm when you’d expect for all the guards to be running down the lawn by now, looking for you.

Taehyung hands grasp your shoulders roughly, forcing you to turn around and face him.

You can’t clearly see his face in the darkness, even when you are standing so close to each other but you can still sense the way his eyes are scanning your body, probably looking for possible injuries, alerted by your poor choice in wording.

"I'm not hurt, the bullet didn't even come close to me.”

You hear the sigh of relief he emits before letting you go, his muscles relaxing before your eyes as he steps a little to the side to look up at the window above your heads.

"Is your side clear?" You ask, moving alongside him so that your shoulders are always brushing against each other.

Your plan has been screwed over at this point and what you have to do is adapt and, judging by the numbers reflected on your watch, you have no more time to spare. You need to enter the house and find him, doesn’t matter if you’ll have to break hell loose in order to do it.

“Yes.”

His reply is short and barely above a whisper as he glances upwards, gesturing up to the windows with his hand as well. You follow his pointed finger and find a guard there, his eyes evidently fixed somewhere in the distance, probably trying to catch sight of you.

You nod your head yes as he looks at you, years of practice making it possible for you two to understand each other without the need to speak.

He secures his gun behind his back and puts his hands together to form a step for you to climb on so that he can propel you forward.

You have done this plenty of times before and just as always, Taehyung is able to push you upwards enough for you to grab onto the window and surprise the guard there with your sudden appearance.

"Oh, hello, there." You say before punching him hard in the face.

The guard steps back a little and you take the chance to jump onto the floor, aim your gun at him and finishing him off before he can even think about aiming his rifle at you.

You turn around with a little smile on your lips while reaching for the electric wire secured on your belt.

Your agency has evolved a lot in the past few years when it comes down to weaponry and useful utensils and the extensible wire is one of those. Absolutely weightless yet strong enough to resist to the weight of the heaviest soldiers, it proved to be quite resourceful in more than an occasion and as Taehyung grips the other end of it to climb up the wall, you are proven yet again that the right tools in the right hands can make the biggest difference.

Usually, you do not get cocky on the job, you do not get too relaxed and you never let your guard down but, somehow, tonight you do all of the above for just a little second and you have to pay the consequences of that carefulness with a bullet planted in your left shoulder.

Your cry of pain fills the dead silence of the house and it represents yet another mistake that you shouldn’t have made.

When the sound of a bullet resonates in an otherwise silent environment and it is followed by a shout of pain, there is no chance in hell all the inhabitants won’t know your exact position and where to run to in order to finish you off.

Taehyung climbs the remaining inches of the wall with bolting speed and practically launches himself inside the building, aiming his gun to the guard before they have a chance to finish you off.

The shot is neat, precise between his eyes, but the fire in his eyes doesn't die down as he looks down at you and notices the pain twisting your features.

"I'm sorry, I was distracted," you say with gritted teeth. The bruise on your ego seems to be hurting far more than the bullet lodged within your skin but, either way, you are not allowed to stop now.

You run with him through the long corridor, one of his hands around your elbow in a strong vice that almost feels bruising on the skin, anger and concern evidently seething inside of him as he looks for a place for you to hide, even for a few seconds.

He absolutely hates when you get hurt. Despite years of training, he still loses his focus when you are injured, no matter how slightly. It makes him do things he shouldn’t and it makes him care about things that shouldn’t even be on his mind during work and, really, this is not the right mission for you to be going through all of this, especially considering no extraction team will be there for you at the end of it but, things have happened and, once again, you need to adjust.

Taehyung’s eyes scan your surrounding as if he were looking at the rough blueprint of the house you got in your file and, disregarding completely the fact that any noise will give your position away again, he opens one of the doors along the corridor with a strong kick, breaking it off of its hinges.

The room appears to be one of those on the north aisle of the house with no windows and only one way of getting either in or out of it. This one is held in complete darkness for the moment and, for the few seconds you are spared before guards show up there, it represents a safe refuge for you to attend your wound at the best of your abilities.

Taehyung guides you inside the room and forces you to sit down so that he can take a proper look at your wound with the torch in his hand—his gun safely placed next to his knee, ready to be picked up and fired the moment someone shows up by the doorstep.

"The wound is not that deep, it's a good sign." He says, his voice thick and tense and not matching his words very well which puts you on edge because you know, your lucidity as a team has been cut in half now.

You have been on so many missions before, you have killed so many targets, even harder than this one and you made such a rookie mistake tonight compromising not only your own health but also the success of the mission itself and that is something your partner will need to deal with alongside you.

Guilt perforates your heart like stalactites and you gulp down heavily, opening your mouth to pronounce your shaky apology when Taehyung rips off a limb of his own shirt, offering it to you like a bandage for the time being. You do need to stop the bleeding if you want to survive the night and still be somewhat useful to him.

"Can you move your arm?" He asks before you have a chance of repent for your mistakes and you find yourself nodding your head yes a few times, unable to utter a single word.

This is a half-lie because yes, you can move your arm but no, you can’t move your shoulder without it hurting like a motherfucker—something you quickly decide Taehyung doesn’t need to know.

"Good." His voice sounds rough and thick and you look up at him with dread, noticing how his lips are still in a tight line as he takes the gun back in his right hand and gets up on his feet.

"We need to move."

You check your wrist and your insides constrict at the numbers shining on it. Thirty-six minutes.

Ideally, the mission should last for 60 minutes sharp, the time including getting in and out of the building. Clearly, you are late on track and Taehyung knows just as much and you can see it in the tense line of his shoulders as he moves to the door and peers outside.

The sound of bullets going off comes next and it forces Taehyung to pull his head inside the room again in order to avoid them.

He takes a sharp breath and then bravely jumps out of the room, firing his gun like a mad man. You get up on your feet as well, wincing at the pain in your shoulder, and grip your own gun in your right hand, ready to put it to good use to help him.

Your partner is fast and he is sharp and precise and it really isn't a surprise that he clears the hallway so easily without you need to lift a single finger. This is why Hoseok still relies on him, after all.

You step into the hallway as Taehyung turns his head towards you, tilting his head to the side to prompt you forward and follow him.

Moving through the building is not an easy task now that your cover has been completely blown and you have to keep fighting your way through the corridors while losing hope of ever finding your target.

Fear of him fleeting in the ruckus fills your mind and makes your insides feel incredibly heavy but, still, you do not dare voice the doubts out. Right now is not the moment to have second thoughts, to show concern or to give up your objective.

The building turns out to be something akin to a maze for those that do not inhabit it and, despite your eager study of the blueprint it becomes a very arduous quest to not get lost within it.

What you start losing, though, is the count of guards you have to kill in order to keep moving forward and, yes, there are far more than the thirty expected ones on the external perimeter.

The long and intricate corridors and the guards that keep coming your way only slow you down more to the point nervousness starts seeping in and out of you. We should just blow this bloody shit up, you think as you turn yet another corner in the hopes of finding a new course to keep on moving to the heart of the building.

Taehyung suddenly stops in his tracks and, consequently, so do you while scanning your surroundings to find what gathered his attention.

There it is.

It’s a tiny shift in light and texture on the far end of this corridor, right in front of the wall you are facing right now.

Taehyung steals a glance your way and you nod in acknowledgement while slowly taking a few careful steps forward.

If you hadn’t been trained for years and if you hadn’t had all those missions behind your back to count as experience, you would have never caught the little detail.

A secret passage is hidden at the end of this corridor and you keep moving towards it, hope rekindling in your heart with every step forward you take.

Now, how to open that secret passage is a whole other story.

Both of you look for ways to open it up whether through some sort of password, keys, handles, anything.

You knock on the wall a few times, trying to feel if there are some empty spots on the wall but your search is not fruitful and the clock keeps ticking around your wrist.

Actual minutes tick by before you as you try to find your way in, even by force if necessary.

If your target hasn’t fled the scene yet, there is no doubt he is hiding behind this door, perfectly protected and concealed in the real heart of the building.

Sixty minutes.

Your eyes pick up on the number blinking on your clock, the digits turning a deep shade of orange to signal you your operation should be pretty much over by now and yet here you are, still trying to even reach your Myung Ki Kwon.

Taehyung grunts in frustration and kicks the wall hard as if trying to bring it down by sheer force.

For a moment you hold your breath, almost hopeful that kick alone could bring the whole wall down but, of course, it is not that simple but as he kicks it another time, in that split of a second, you catch it. The shift.

"Do it again," you say, your eyes focusing on the left corner of the room, right next to the window.

Taehyung kicks the wall again under your instructions and you focus your whole attention to that portion of the room until you can clearly see it: the way in.

A few inches away from the window lies a wooden black table and right on top of it is placed a completely lit chandelier made of little tendrils of crystals.

You cross the room with quick steps and jump on the table with a swift movement, eager to check if your hunch is correct or not.

You lift your good arm up and tug at one of the little tendrils hanging down from the ceiling, the one at the very centre of the old-looking ornamentation.

As you pull the crystals down towards you, you hear the clicking sound of a mechanism going off and, sure enough, a few seconds after the wall you had been staring at for at least ten minutes flies open.

"How-?" Taehyung's question is swept away by gunfire aimed your way.

Five guards in all jet black armour come out of the secret hallway with loaded machine guns focused directly on the both of you.

Your steps are quicker than your mind, bringing you down the table and under it as Taehyung slides towards you and forces the table to a vertical position in order to protect the both of you from the explosion of bullets.

Your companion grunts in pain beside you, signalling you he has been caught by at least one of the bullets fired your way.

The table is standard wood and it does not suffice as a cover under the rapid-fire. In a few seconds, it’ll be totally useless as a protection and unless you can think of a solution fast, you have no chance of escaping this madness and your pending deaths.

Bullets graze your skin again, too awfully close as they break the wood in front of you. Shards of the split open wood plant themselves in your skin and you really start doubting you'll make it out alive.

"Hold onto me," Taehyung says, forcing you within his arms as he reaches for his belt, "We'll have to use the grenade now."

You look up to him and nod your head. The grenade was supposed to be your last resort because you know, once it goes off there is no way the Police won't be alerted by it and that means even a shorter amount of time left for you to kill your target and escape.

Still, with no other option available, Taehyung launches it behind your backs while hugging you tight to his chest in order to protect you from the blast.

It takes only a few seconds for the grenade to hit the ground and explode beneath your feet, sending you both flying forward.

Your ears start to ring, covering any other sound but you know you can’t stop now. This is your chance.

Taehyung has his hands around your shoulders as you both get up on your feet and turn around to marvel at the destruction you created.

There is a deep hole right at the centre of the room, the wooden floor has caved in and turned a burnt black colour and, from the creaking all around you, there is no doubt the part of the building where you are standing will collapse soon.

There is only one option available: jump.

You take a few steps back and then start running with all your might to launch yourself into the void, hoping your strength will be enough for you to reach the other side.

Your fingers grab onto the sinking wood of the floor with all the strength you possess, your shoulder burning like hell as you try to lift yourself up and save yourself from certain and very painful death.

The shards of wood cut and nip your skin and the slight pain makes you groan out loud as you give it your all to push yourself up to safety.

Once you are standing on your feet again you turn around to look at your boyfriend, still standing on the other side of the room.

“Don’t stop, I’ll be right behind you!”

You give him a curt nod of understanding and even though your heart hurts a little, you turn your back on him and start running again.

The corridor is long and seemingly bottomless as you race through it, your steps echoing on the walls, surely giving your arrival away.

In the short amount of time it takes for you to cross the long corridor, a thousand different scenarios play in your head.

As an experienced assassin, you exploit those few minutes to prepare yourself for nearly anything possibly awaiting you at the bottom of this passage.

With your gun firmly grasped in your hand, your heart beating steadily in your chest and your mind clear of anything that is not your target and his death, you finally step inside the room secretly lodged within the heart of the building.

You expected many things to be there to welcome you, including absolute emptiness but, to be honest, Myung Ki Kwon sitting calmly at the centre of the room with a cigar in his mouth and a smirk painted on his features wasn’t one of them.

Your target appears to be completely alone, dressed as if he were about to go out and attend a gala event or a wedding and he sports the most unbothered and calm expression you have ever seen.

"Looks like you found your way in," he says before inhaling deeply the tobacco of his expensive cigar. He puffs it all out a few seconds later in your direction, a taunting expression painted all over his features.

You take a step towards him, your gun precisely lined to the perfect spot between his eyebrows. After the hell he has made you and Taehyung go through, you are more than ready to take him down and get it over with.

"Ah, ah, ah," he shakes his head a little while rising his other hand for you to see what he is holding, "I'm afraid your life is connected to mine, dear. Kill me and this bomb will blow the entire building away."

He puffs his chest a little and opens up his vest to reveal a tiny bomb bound around his upper torso, ready to go off in approximately fifteen minutes unless deactivated.

His smile twists into something perverse, evil, and it gathers goosebumps on your skin because you could have never imagined him being ready to take his own life just to spite you and take you down with him.

What does he have in mind? You ask yourself. There is no chance in hell this isn’t part of a bigger plan because, simply, there is no way someone as smart as Ki Kwon wouldn’t think of a way for him to survive while taking down his enemies in the process.

You are a trained soldier. You were taught to value your life and protect it for as long as possible in order to accomplish your goals. But, you were also taught to make sacrifices for the sake of your mission and if you were alone, tonight, what you would be doing right now is shooting the target and kiss your life goodbye knowing you helped in making the world a better place, even if a tiny bit.

Sure, you are scared of dying, hell, you are scared of even getting caught and plenty of other things but you would still do it, for the greater good.

But tonight, you are not alone and it doesn’t matter how much you want to kill your target, it doesn’t matter who he is and what he has done and will keep on doing to innocent people unless you stop him now because Taehyung means more.

You cannot and you will not sacrifice the life of the man you love only to cut down one of the heads of the hydra.

For every Myung Ki Kwon you kill, another will rise and you all know it, even though you keep fighting in the hope that one day another head won't grow back but, is it really worth it to kill this one man at the expanse of your lover?

You decide that no, it is not worth it and in that tiny fraction of a second you hesitate, in that instant when you start to drop your weapon, something hard hits the back of your head.

You stumble forward, your vision turning into black and white dots as you try to turn around and look at your assailant.

A punch is delivered straight to your face next and then your weapon is falling from your hands and down on the floor, out of reach.

You can barely catch up your breath before a kick is sent up to your stomach, so strong it makes you cough out blood.

Myung Ki Kwon has saved the best for last, it would seem.

You had studied the file to the point you could recite every dot and comma in there and yet, in the heat of the moment, you forgot the most important detail: Myung Ki Kwon has a special bodyguard that follows him everywhere.

Another rookie mistake.

You are on the ground, blood flowing out of your mouth in big droplets, ears ringing and head spinning as you try to push yourself up and fight back the mountain before you.

His bodyguard is one of the tallest men you have ever seen, quite easily double your size in everything and he has clearly the upper hand in this fight when you have been deprived of your weapon.

“Seems like you’re all on your own, little girl,” he says, voice low and rough as he takes a step forward, ready to break your body further.

You steal a glance behind his back, your heart heavy with concern as you start to wonder where on earth your boyfriend went. He should have been here by now and the fact that he is not fills you with dread.

You take in a sharp breath and re-focus your attention on your opponent. He is big, sure, but that also means he is heavy and if you have an advantage in every one-on-one combat situations is that you are fast.

You charge forward with your bare hands trying to reach his face and as he intercepts your attack, you let your body slide down on the floor so that you can pass between his long legs.

As he spins around to catch you, you land a high kick on his chin, sending him a few inches away as he grabs onto his bone with a wince.

“You fucking bitch,” he says under his breath as he jumps forward to catch you.

Again, you are faster than him and manage to crouch down before he can grab your neck and pin you down until you cannot breathe.

You push yourself upwards and land a punch on his right cheek, splitting the skin open.

The mountain takes a step back and you take advantage of his little confusion to land a powerful kick to his abdomen.

The man coughs hard but grabs your ankle with his rough hands and with a strong pull of his arms, you are sent flying on the ground again.

You hit your head on the concrete floor and groan at the utter pain that invades your skull with the free fall.

Myung Ki Kwon’s bodyguard is on top of you in an instant, his hands tight around your neck in a bruising vice that leaves no way out for you to fight back.

"Get your hands off of her, you motherfucker," Taehyung’s voice comes from behind your back and you glance in his direction, relief spreading through your body as he appears before you looking like a guardian angel.

The first bullet out of his gun catches your opponent on the right shoulder, the second one the soft spot between his neck and clavicles and as he takes a staggering step backwards in pain, Taehyung completely empties the rounds of his gun on his upper body.

The enormous body of Myung Ki Kwon’s personal guard falls forward and lands right at your feet, the little choking sounds he emits as he suffocates on his own blood absolutely revolting. You are sure, though, that the nausea filling your stomach is not due to his gruesome death but, rather, a concussion.

Still, you push yourself on your feet again, helped by the strong and steady hands of your boyfriend.

Taehyung is staring straight at your target, his eyes not even blinking as he assesses the situation at hand.

"Careful, dear, or you'll still end up killing your lover," Ki Kwon says, his eyes teasing as he keeps glancing between the two of you and the way you appear to be a little too close for you to be just partners in crime.

Myung Ki Kwon is a brilliant man, he is extraordinary at reading people and situations and it is precisely because of these gifts that he has been able to ascend to power so quickly, so efficiently.

Such a wasted talent. He could have been so much more, something bigger and just and profitable for the society but, instead, he chose the easy way; he chose power and money and let his soul rot like everything else he touches.

And that’s why Taehyung, unlike you, doesn't hesitate for a single moment.

He lifts up his spare gun tugged behind his back, he aims at your target and then, he shoots.

Your eyes close, your body tensing as if readying itself for the inevitable blast that is out to sweep it away but then, the explosion never comes. What does come is the sound of Taehyung's voice screaming your name, urging you to run.

"We have exactly one minute and thirty seconds to get out of here."

His words have barely the time to register in your mind before he is urging you forward, grasping your hand to pull you towards him and force you to run.

Your feet are almost flying on the floor as you race against time to save your life. Everything in your body hurts and begs you to stop, lie down and just rest but you are not allowed to.

You keep moving forward, Taehyung right behind you albeit stumbling a little with wounds you have no idea how appeared on his body in the first place.

There is no time to stop and check on him, there is no time to wonder or even care. As long as you are still alive, you need to keep pushing forward.

The bomb goes off behind your backs just as you, somehow, reach the exit door of the house and for a moment it feels like you are flying up in the sky.

The force of the explosion lifts you from the ground and throws you right back on it a few seconds after. Your fall is bad and uncontrolled and you are sure you've just broken a bone or two and the desire of just giving up and surrender becomes even more potent as pain washes over your entire being.

There are tears in your eyes and blood all over your face and even inside your nose and, if it weren't for your lover right beside you, you would probably give up, lie there and just wait for the end to come your way.

But Taehyung's groan awakens you from this state and you are forced back on your feet by his strong hold.

Your bodies are battered, broken even, but you are both still alive and staring into each other’s eyes. We’ve made it through.

The thought has barely the chance to form inside your head before you hear it in the remote distance: the sound of Police cars heading your way.

"Fuck," you glance at your watch, it reads eighty-five minutes in bold, angry red digits that signal your absolute doom. Taehyung must see the panic in your eyes because he shakes his head no and takes your hand in his and forces you to start running all over again.

As your feet stomp against the loan you realize that there won’t be any extraction team waiting for you outside this hell hole and, without the concrete chance of you reaching the car you came in, there is barely any hope for the two of you to survive this night.

Taehyung must know this as well but he keeps urging you forward, he keeps pushing you over your own limit and what your poor body can sustain.

You climb back up the gate as fast as you can while keeping your eyes on the end of the road whilst the red and blue lights start to become visible in the night.

Taehyung lands a little rough on his left ankle and groans in pain but doesn’t stop for a single second. He grasps your hand and pulls you alongside him in a desperate run that feels hopeless and pointless.

Your boyfriend stops for a second and pushes you forward, forcing you to run ahead of him as he looks behind your backs.

You keep running because that is what he wants you to do and you try to ignore his heavy pants or the shouting noises behind your backs as the Policemen leave their cars behind in favour of a running chase.

Taehyung’s scream behind your back comes in the form of your name, the urgency in his tone goading your legs to move even faster, begging you to keep going and not to stop, not to even look back. But you do look back, because that is the only way you think the dread in your heart will be quenched but, instead, you are met with the most terrifying sight you could have possibly envisioned.

The bright yellow uniforms of law enforcements shine like a beacon in the night, looking quite menacing in the night with their proximity.

You can hear their voices shouting your way, you can see their guns aimed at you both as you try to flee the scene and save your asses but it is clear, despite how hard you try to deny it to yourself, that this time, there is no chance of escaping and for the first time in forever, you are utterly terrified.

One of the officers chasing you aims at your lover’s leg and without fail blows his right calf off, forcing him to stop and fall on the ground in pain.

"No!" You whip your head around and ignore the way it starts to spin immediately, too eager to reach your lover and save him—by any means necessary—to care about your own well-being.

"What are you doing?! Don’t stop, RUN!"

Taehyung yells at you, tries to push himself upwards and force you to keep on moving but you can't. He is doomed and that means you are too because there is no chance in hell you are leaving him behind.

"I'm not leaving you!"

Your hands reach for his face as the Police starts catching up with the both of you, cutting the distance too short for you to be able to save yourselves.

"What are you doing?" He asks again, tears and snot smearing all over his face as he tries to push you away, "You have to run."

"I can't," you whimper out, tears streaming down your face as well as you look into his eyes for what feels like the last time.

"Yes, you can, _______, look at me. You have to run and save yourself."

His eyes of onyx turn serious, almost cold as they stare right inside your own.

He doesn’t speak the words but you can still hear them loud and clear inside your head: if you stay now, if you don’t save yourself, I will never forgive you.

"I'll save you, baby, I swear I'll find a way to save you."

You sob and kiss his lips and rip your heart to shreds in the process as you force yourself to peel off of him and resume your desperate run to salvation.

You look back one last time as guns are aimed at your running figure while Taehyung gets handcuffed and roughly taken away.

You close your eyes and force yourself to keep running, for him.

Your breath is heavy, your legs are tired and on the verge of collapsing and you can see no hope ahead of you until you hear the gunfire all around you.

The grunts in the distance, the sound of men falling to the ground and the great numbers of bullets moving past you in all directions are the things that force your eyes to open again and re-focus on the dark street.

The sight before you seems impossible: an extraction team awaits you a few meters away, their guns taking down officers left and right.

In an instant, relief spreads through your heart and mind: you are safe.

Hoseok steps out of the vehicle, his eyes dark as they fix on you and the evident absence of your companion.

"They have Taehyung!" You cry out as you run towards him, your arms outstretched to reach him and the promise of salvation that lies between his arms.

Your step-brother runs towards you to envelop you in a tight hug that makes you cry out in pain. It has been years since you last hugged each other and it feels a little like a homecoming but you do not have the time nor the luxury to rejoice in the feeling. You have to save your lover.

"Please save him, please." Your voice quivers as you look up at him expectantly but what you find depicted on his face breaks your heart all over again.

"It's too late now, we need to get you to safety."

“What do you mean it’s too late? He’s right there, we can save him!”

Hoseok’s arms turn rough around you, pinning you down to stop you from running all the way back to your lover and get him back to base.

You scream and struggle to get out of his embrace, you kick and bite the hands of your saviours because they refuse to run and try to save Taehyung.

How can they leave him behind? No, how can he? How could you?!

Despair swallows you whole and soon after so does darkness as the sedative injected in your neck works its way inside your veins, turning you lax between Hoseok’s arms.

You try to fight the liquid sleep with all your might at first but, as it starts to anaesthetize both the pain in your body, your mind and your aching heart, you find yourself gladly embracing the peace it promises to bring.

❖ 10th May 2018, h 10:00 || Seoul, South Korea

Your eyes slowly flutter open and focus on the now-familiar white ceiling of the hospital wing of the Agency.

The splitting headache comes right after, making you grimace as it slowly arises from the back of your skull up to your forehead.

The concussion has given you barely any reprieve from the moment you had run out of Myung Ki Kwon’s house and found yourself safely tucked in aseptic white sheets.

“Hey,” a voice coming from the door catches your attention, forcing you to adjust your focus a little to the left.

Hoseok is standing there, dressed in his all-black attire as if he is about to go on a mission and you would catch on to more details in his appearance if you were to let your gaze wander on him a little bit longer. But you don’t because the sight of him repulses you, now.

Your eyes pointedly fix back on the ceiling before you, not a single word escaping your lips as he steps closer to your bed and sits on the chair right next to you. He has been visiting you every day for the past three days, even multiple times in the same day but he has always received the same treatment from your part: cold, distant.

His presence there makes Taehyung’s absence even more obvious and it makes the guilt within your heart expand every day a little more to the point you fear that is what you’ll only be able to feel in a few days. Guilt and regret.

Your body has been stuck on this bed for the last seventy-two hours and there is no way of knowing how much longer you will have to spend here, confined in this room.

A concussion, a perforated shoulder, a few broken ribs, some internal bleeding and a great number of burns and cuts all over your body are the injuries you brought back as a prize from your mission and, according to them all, you have been lucky.

Lucky sounds like a fun word when your entire world has been swept away and taken from you. Sure, you are alive but, do you have any desire of being so when he is not there?

The immobility that has been forced on you is slowly driving you insane. Your hands twitch all the time, eager to do something, anything.

Taehyung isn’t lost yet, there is still some hope and it is that hope that has made you beg for release a thousand times. Hell, you even tried to escape the bloody agency but you couldn’t make it. Not with your body like this, not with thousands of them and only one of you and especially not when it is your step-brother giving the orders around here.

Hoseok sighs next to you and brushes his fingers along yours.

You do not move, you do not even breathe to acknowledge his presence there but he can surely make out the goosebumps gathering on your skin as you force yourself not to flinch away. Even that would be giving him too much.

He doesn’t deserve your eyes on him, he doesn’t deserve your words nor your time because he is the reason why Taehyung has been caught.

He didn’t postpone the mission, he didn’t send an extraction team, he didn’t arrive on time, he didn’t save him.

Your heart grows heavy, your eyes filling with tears as his presence becomes too much for you to bear.

You used to love Hoseok with all your heart. You weren’t brothers by blood, you hadn’t been born by the same father nor the same womb and yet, you had found each other in time while living under the same roof.

For years, Hoseok had been your true companion, your best friend, the brother you had never had but always wished for.

And now, you can’t even look at him for more than a second.

In a way, Myung Ki Kwon has won. He has died but he has taken away everything from you: your family, your lover, your purpose in life.

Hoseok sighs next to you whilst retracting his hand so that he is nowhere near touching you.

Relief spreads through your body like a wave and you hate that it does but, at the same time, there is nothing you can do to change what resides in your heart.

“I’m off for a mission,” he decides to say after a while. His voice is soft, his words are careful and slightly elusive and they make your heart-rate pick up in hope because maybe, just maybe, he is going to try and save him, at last.

You slightly tilt your head to the side but still keep your eyes focused on anywhere but him.

You can feel his gaze fixed on your face and it takes all of your strength not to turn around and stare back at him.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to get him back to you, I promise.”

Your heart stirs in your chest, hope spreading through your limbs like a warm wave.

Hoseok’s promises are like diamonds: rare and precious. You know he wouldn’t dare to make an empty promise to you, especially not about Taehyung and his well-being.

You hear the sound of his clothes as he gets up, you catch onto the sigh that leaves his mouth and then you plant your eyes on his retreating figure—slumped shoulders, tense neck, nervous steps.

You lift your left-hand to your lips—the one he had brushed his fingers on—and nervously start to nip at your already-chipped nails.

You wish you could join them, you wish you could fight with claws and teeth to get your lover back but you can’t and rationally you do know it is for the best—not much you can do in the state your body was reduced to, after all—but at the same time it wrecks your heart to not be able to be there for him like he has always been there for you.

Still, you hope and confide on the efficiency of your step-brother and the team he is going to bring alongside him.

► twelve hours later

 Night has fallen and moonlight filters through the open windows at the other end of the wall.

You have been staring at them for the whole day, watching the time go by and the light shift and change until it was completely gone and replaced by a silvery hue.

Your heart has turned uneasy many hours ago, your stomach feels upset and queasy and the nervousness within your body has turned your limbs restless in the confinement of your bed.

It has been so long since Hoseok has left you this morning, so many hours and minutes have ticked by while you are stuck here, waiting.

The more it takes for him to return, the less you believe he will come back successful and that is a thought you'd rather not linger on too much because it would mean Taehyung is lost forever.

The taste of blood suddenly fills your mouth and you grimace at the sensation and the slight pain of your bottom lip splitting up, again.

You have developed this habit of biting down your lips and nails in the past few days as a form of stress-relieving when you are not allowed to do pretty much anything else.

You curse under your breath and reach for a tissue on your nightstand to stop the slight bleeding and get rid of the bitter taste in your mouth.

As you lift your gaze up again, though, your eyes meet the slumped figure of your step-brother.

His black hair has gotten longer over the past few months and now, as he hangs his head low, a few strands cover his eyes, concealing the feelings reflected in them from you.

You can see the tense line of his shoulders, you can see the way he literally drags himself in the room and in your heart, you already know.

But you rebuff the thought, you refuse to acknowledge anything until he has said something because that is how you save yourself from falling to pieces.

You decide to ignore his split lip or the dark purple halo around his left cheek, you decide to ignore the way he favours his right side as he walks into the room and you also decide to ignore how he flinches every now and then when his weight shifts to the left.

You decide to ignore all of this because if Hoseok got so hurt during a mission it can only mean it went wrong. There is no one in the agency more lethal than Jung Hoseok and there is also no one in it able to beat him or even scratch him.

Your step-brother sits in front of you as you stare at him, too scared to utter a single word or to even breathe, at this point.

He looks up at you for barely a second before shifting his gaze on the ground, unable to look at you. In twelve hours, the parts seem to have turned.

You couldn’t stomach the sight of him this morning and now, as you eagerly try to pry into his eyes, he is the one unable to face you, albeit for very different reasons.

The seconds seem to stretch into hours and the more you look at him, so defeated in his seat, the more the thought you had been trying to ignore all this time becomes prominent, impossible to push down and lock away.

“Say something,” you whisper, your voice sounding as broken as your body and heart feel.

He flinches at the sound of your voice but lifts his head up anyway and as his eyes fix on you, you know. There is no way for you to deny it any more, there is no way you can pretend not to know.

Hoseok’s eyes are filled with unshed tears and as you stare down into his irises, yours does as well.

“I’m sorry, buttercup.”

The little nickname Hoseok had given you plenty of years ago splits your heart into two uneven halves. You can’t even remember the last time he called you that, let alone inside the agency where anyone could hear it and the fact that he decided to use it now, of all times, speaks volumes of how wrong things have gone today.

“Wh-what happened?” Your voice trembles, your throat constricting with the effort to keep yourself in one piece in front of him and not just burst into tears. Not yet, you tell yourself.

“We tried... we really did, ______, but there is a reason why nobody has ever made it out...” Hoseok’s voice sounds tired, defeated and you hate it but most importantly you hate what he is going to say soon, “We couldn’t... I’m sorry.”

His eyes beg you to understand and to forgive him and truth be told, you have no idea whether you’ll ever be able of doing so. A part of you wants to because without Taehyung, Hoseok is the only person you have left but the other part of you doesn’t think it will ever be possible because he is part of the reason why you don’t have anyone else besides you any more.

“Taehyung is gone.”

The finality of his words shatters you and even though you didn’t want to cry in front of him, you do.

The tears feel hot on your face as they freely fall on your cheeks, your lips quivering as you stop yourself from screaming at him. He’d deserve it but at the same time, he doesn’t, not when he is looking so desperate himself.

“How... how much?”

You feel like you might choke on your own words but they move past your mouth and he shivers at them, closing his eyes to gulp down heavily as if saying the number out loud would cost him a limb or a vital organ.

In this world, the law doesn’t believe in long-term prison sentences nor the execution of criminals. In this world, your world, criminals are punished with time-travel. They are given a second chance in life away from everyone they ever held dear and if they fail again, they’ll meet their destiny in a different time where laws are regulated differently and no one can save them.

“Sixty-nine years.”

The scream that erupts from your mouth scratches your throat and wrenches your heart from within.

Your hands grasp Hoseok’s shirt and they push and pull his upper torso until his head is lulling back and forth and he is sobbing alongside you.

The tears you had been holding ever since this morning all come rushing down, falling to your cheeks, on your nose and down your chin.

He is gone, gone, gone. Sixty-nine years means Kim Taehuyng is probably dead by now or too old to even remember who you are. He is lost, forever and, with no hope of ever touching his face or hearing his voice you are left stranded on this earth, alone and heartbroken.

“You promised me! You promised me you’ll get him back!”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Hoseok’s voice is broken, barely above a whisper and you know you are wrecking him even more with your words and your actions but you don’t care because you are hurt and you want to hurt everybody else in return.

“It’s all your fault!” You scream in his face, unable to control your despair and anger.

You know those feelings are misplaced on him, they should be turned towards yourself because you messed up that night, not just Hoseok. You are the one that left him behind, you are the one that promised him you’ll get him back and didn’t. You, you, you.

Still, you focus them all on him because it’s easier to blame someone else that isn’t yourself.

“I begged you to save him and you didn’t listen to me! He was RIGHT THERE, HOSEOK, WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM BEHIND?”

The scream makes your voice hoarse and it makes you cough as it feels like ripping your throat out from the inside.

Your chest is heaving, your breath ragged as you scratch your step-brother’s face with your nails, as you punch him in the chest and push him away from you inch after inch.

He lets you do this to him, he lets you hate him and push all of your rage out until there’s nothing left. He lets you because he feels like you are right, he feels like it is all of his fault and it is not true but, in the end, we all believe what we want to and Hoseok would rather you’d blame him for everything rather than yourself.

So he takes it all, silently, and when you can’t go any longer, when your body gets too tired and you turn slump between his arms, he hugs you tight to his chest and lies down on the hospital bed with you.

He is there when the doctors come and sedate you to calm the wheezing breaths and the erratic beating of your heart, he is there whilst liquid sleep takes you again and he is there when you finally drift off to a far better place where Kim Taehyung is still alive and well and holding you tight in his embrace.

❖ 21th June 2019, h 22:14 || Seoul, South Korea

The reflection in the mirror is both familiar and foreign to you as you peer into your own eyes, as you study the tight line of your lips and the sharp curve of your jawline.

Your hair is loose in small waves that fall right above your shoulders—far shorter than it used to be—and it frames the face of a girl that feels like you but, at the same time, that doesn’t.

Your attire is one you have worn many times before: black pants, black t-shirt, black boots and black gloves.

Today is your first day back on the field and your heart is already beating fast in your chest at the prospect of being out there once more, even though you plan it to be the conclusion of your career as an assassin and not a new beginning.

You can’t help but let your mind go back to the last time you prepared yourself before a mission. You looked at this very mirror one year ago as well, you studied your appearance to make sure everything was perfectly in place and, when your boyfriend entered the room, you smile at him before grabbing your jacket to leave.

This time, a quick little knock on your door is what awakes you from your daze and as you turn around whilst the door opens shortly after, you are not met with the kind gaze of Taehyung but by the lean figure of your new partner.

Jeon Jeongguk—former Marine and highly experienced in this field despite his young age, has been with you for the past six months.

He was scouted by the Agency when you were still stuck in a bed in the hospital wing and you got to know him only a few months after his arrival, albeit his fame preceded him.

When you were still recovering and in desperate need of a new partner, he was the one that volunteered to be assigned to you even though it wasn’t going to be really beneficial for him. In fact, within the Agency, there were only a few people that were willing to work with you and, truthfully, you couldn’t blame those that wouldn’t.

Jeon Jeongguk easily became your anchor in the past few months. He was kind and patient and he helped you get back on your own two feet in more ways than one.

He is also the one that has trained you rigorously for the past six months in order to help you to become better, stronger.

His doe-like eyes fix on you and you fore a smile to spread on your lips as you fully turn towards him. You offer him a little nod as an answer to the silent question shining in his eyes.

“I’m ready.” Your voice doesn’t betray a single hint of hesitation nor fear and surely not nervousness but you do feel all of those, within your heart. In the past six months, you have also become a master at concealing your true feelings, your most intimate thoughts and you also learned how to embellish them under false pretences and pretty lies.

Your heart has been roughly mended a great number of times at this point but, there is no point in hiding to your own self that you are not the same person you use to be and that you probably will never be, at least not until you have him by your side again.

Jeongguk smiles down at you showing the tip of his teeth whilst he tilts his head a little to the side, encouraging you to walk to the door and leave the safety of your room.

You follow him with eager steps that could be quite easily be mistaken for giddiness over your return on the field but that are, in fact, prompted by the fact that you were finally given an opportunity to change everything. Tonight, it’s your first and only opportunity to get back to your lover and you sure as hell won’t let it slide between your fingers.

You know Hoseok has been rather hesitant about sending you back on the field once again but,  you have played your part well and every psychologist in the agency has assured him that you are ready. And you are, but not for what they all think you are.

You can sense his onyx gaze following you as you climb up the stairs that lead to the outside world and for a second, you almost turn around to greet him but, in the end, you decide not to.

There is this fear in your heart that one look at you will show him all the little lies hidden inside your eyes. You’re scared he’ll be able to catch the hint of deception hiding in there, your true intentions for tonight’s mission and it’s a chance you cannot take, not tonight.

With deep regret over the missed opportunity to talk to your step-brother for the last time, you follow your partner to your ride for the night and silently climb inside the vehicle, your insides twitching with the deep sense of deja-vu that overcomes you as that fateful night comes to your mind once more.

Jeongguk steals a glance your way after you depart from the Agency and you scoff at his over-protective gaze and evident concern.

The sound that leaves your mouth makes a smile appear on his own and you feel your heart warming up at the sight.

Jeon Jeongguk is not only your trainer or partner on the field, no, in the past few months he has easily turned into your confidant, your best friend and he has made it possible for your heart to feel something other than despair when you thought it wasn’t possible.

You care about Jeongguk, hell, you love him just like you love Hoseok and the thought of betraying them both tonight makes your smile falter a little.

The drive to your destination is pretty silent but it is not that awkward silence you always wish to fill with something, it’s rather a comfortable one and it helps to steady the rampant beating of your heart as you run through the details of your plan once more.

Tonight’s mission is pretty easy and you have no doubt in your mind you’ll be able to finish your last job effortlessly, especially with Jeongguk on your side.

You have studied the file to perfection even though it was evidently the easiest mission Hoseok could find for you. Still, you applied yourself for all of them, but especially for Jeongguk’s sake.

You are going to betray all of them, sure, but you’ll still make sure they all remain safe despite your own choices.

The target you are going to terminate tonight is someone you could have taken down on your own even a few years back when you were just starting in the field but, tonight you have a partner next to you and an extraction team set up there for you two when it’s over.

It is an inconvenience to have this many people around tonight of all nights but, truthfully, you cannot blame your step-brother in the slightest. He has almost lost you in more ways than one and, evidently, he is not going to take any more chances when it comes down to your safety.

The car comes to a halt in front of an anonymous complex building and your insides churn uncomfortably as you are so quickly faced with the execution of your plan.

Whether you’ll pull it off or not, everything changes tonight.

You drop your gaze to the watch at your wrist, the flashing white digits telling you it’s currently fourteen minutes past ten and, in about six minutes, your mission will begin.

You sigh out loud without meaning to and the sound draws Jeongguk’s attentive eyes back on you.

“Nervous?” He inquires, tilting his head a little to the side before flashing you with one of his cute smiles.

Despite everything, you will miss Jeon Jeongguk and his adorable antics.

The thought makes you squirm a little in your seat and you are forced to look away from him before you give away too much of what you are thinking. After all, Jeongguk is just as much of an assassin as you are and reading people is something he had to master to become as good as he is now.

“A little, yeah,” you decide to reply, your answer not being that far off the mark, albeit it being for a very different reason than the one he is thinking about.

Jeongguk hums a little, his eyes drifting off to the end of the street as he gets lost in his own thoughts.

“I mean, I don’t blame you,” he says after a while, shifting his gaze back on you as you lift your own to meet his doe-like eyes, “But you got me, remember?” He gives you one of those cheesy smiles that makes your eyes roll up to the ceiling and a smile spread on your lips.

“Guess I do, don’t I?”

“Hey, what is that supposed to mean?” He asks whilst lightly nudging you with his shoulder.

Jeon Jeongguk, the only man on Earth able to make you laugh after everything you have been through. The giggles erupt from your mouth with you having absolutely no control over them and his eyes light up in response, shining with something you can only describe as adoration. This is something you have only recently picked up on: the way Jeongguk looks at you and what it could potentially mean.

The sight, then, no matter how endearing, fills your stomach with guilt. You will have to betray this boy tonight. Of all people, you will have to hurt the one that helped you building yourself up in the past few months and if you could do it any other way, you would. But you have no choice.

So, in order to protect yourself, your own heart and your choices, you force yourself to slip into your new character, to let the mask fall on your face and play the part to perfection.

When the clock strikes twenty minutes after ten, you step out of the car with Jeongguk standing right next to you.

Your eyes do not betray any hint of doubt or fear—albeit you feeling both of them within your heart—and as he steps forward to lead you to the vacant-looking apartment complex, you commit your betrayal.

Your finger hovers in doubt for only a mere second over the left button on your wristwatch but, before you can actually talk yourself out of it, you press it down and send the alert to the law enforcement, heart beating rampant in your chest.

The once white digits on your watch turn an angry red but this time, they are not a scary sight, this time they signal hope for a different future—or past, you suppose.

Ten minutes, that’s how long you have to eliminate the target and help Jeongguk escape without you. As for you, you will wait for the Police with your arms spread wide.

In a world where criminals are sent in the past and you were forced to part ways with your lover there is only one option left: get caught.

► ten minutes later

 Jeongguk’s legs are moving fast in front of you, his quick steps leading the way out of the building and into the seemingly empty street.

As expected, your mission was carried out with outstanding ease—your target was silently terminated and nobody within the complex area has noticed anything.

On any other night, you would consider this mission to have been extremely successful.

Jeongguk’s steps are light against the pavement and as you follow suit, your heart starts feeling heavier knowing any second now, they will show up.

Just like that night more than a year ago, what alerts you is the sound of the sirens approaching your general position and the shifting in light in the night as the Police cars tint the surrounding buildings in red and blue hues.

Jeongguk turns towards you, his eyes big as saucers and filled with a panic that you thought you’ll never see reflected in them.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath before taking your hand to pull you forward and force you to run even faster.

He probably can’t believe what is happening tonight, not after everything ran so smoothly and especially not now, of all times, when you are finally back on the field.

Of course, he has no idea you are the cause of all of this and, really, how could he?

You follow him without uttering a single word until you are right in the middle of the street, aiming for the little turn on the left at the end of it where you know your extraction team is waiting for you.

As you pass a lamplight and you are sure you’re perfectly visible in the night, you stop.

There are a few things you’ll never forget and one of those is the panicked and questioning look on Jeongguk’s face as he turns towards you.

“What are you doing?” He asks, his voice a little higher than usual as he tugs on your hand to encourage you to move forward and keep running to safety with him.

You plant your two feet on the ground and shake your head ‘no’ a little.

You can see the confusion in his eyes and the apprehension swimming in those black irises as he turns his whole body towards you.

“Hey, it’s ok, we still have time to escape. But we’ve got to go, now.”

You force your hand out of his grasp and shake your head again, unable to push out the words you rehearsed in your mind a thousand times.

You watch his eyebrows knot together in bewilderment, you notice the way he nervously licks his lips as he grabs your shoulders with his hands, giving you a little shake as if to wake you from a daze.

Of course, he can’t even fathom the grandness of your betrayal right now and how could he, when you showed him not a single hint about you being capable of doing this to him?

“Talk to me, ________, what is going on in your head right now?”

Maybe he thinks you are re-living that fateful night and are now too scared to keep on going, afraid that story will repeat itself. Or maybe he just thinks you have gone mad and finally reached the point of no return. Still, he tries to understand, he tries to help you and you wish he would just leave you there and not be so nice for once, just this one time.

And maybe you are crazy, maybe there is no turning back at this point but in your heart you know, this was your only option all along.

“I’m not coming.” You finally say as the volume of the sirens turns louder in your ears, signalling the Police’s imminent arrival.

“What do you mean you’re not coming?!”

He lightly shakes you again, dread twisting his features as he tries to pull you towards him and finally get you to start running before it’s too late.

“Go, Jeongguk.”

You watch realization spark up on his features, his eyebrows shooting upwards and his mouth falling agape as all the pieces of the puzzle finally connect inside his mind.

“You called them,” he whispers, his voice so small it does nothing to conceal his shock nor how hard it is for him to actually believe you would do this. His eyes look at you as if they are seeing you for the very first time and maybe they are, after all, what you have been showing to him all of this time was someone you are not, not any more at least.

“I’m sorry... I had to.” Your voice is weak, your excuse pathetic but you still offer it to him like an olive branch hoping it will be enough to soothe his heart and help him move forward.

“Are you fucking crazy? What do you think will happen even if you get caught?! ”

Fear propels him forward and turns him rough as he grabs your wrist and yanks you forward, forcing you to take a few steps towards the end of the street just as the Police cars turn around the corner, facing your backs in the distance.

“Please, Jeongguk, leave.”

You try to force his hand to release your arm but it only turns his grasp rougher on your already bruising skin.

“I’m not leaving you!”

The heart you had tried so hard to mend in those few months together with him absolutely shatters at his words. The sense of deja-vu leaves you breathless, it gathers goosebumps on your skin and makes your head spin whilst absolute guilt spreads within you like a wave.

“I can’t keep living like this, Jeongguk, please.”

Your eyes swell up with tears, your bottom lip starts trembling and you gaze into his eyes with a pleading look that makes him shake his head and turns his eyes glossy with tears.

“What about me, then? What am I supposed to do?”

Jeongguk’s bottom lip trembles just like your own and it is then that you realize you may have underestimated the depth of his feelings for you.

Yes, you had an inkling he rather fancied you and maybe you had encouraged him by never addressing it but at the same time, the doubt of him feeling something stronger than that had never crossed your mind before now.

The desperate gaze that he fixes on you, the way his body tenses at the prospect of leaving you and the way he is crying right now as he struggles to decide what to do with both you and himself are all very familiar. Because you have felt the exact same way, a little over a year ago.

It is clear as day now that Jeongguk, somewhere down the line, has fallen in love with you.

Maybe if you and Jeongguk had met in another life, or maybe if you had known him before Taehyung then, maybe you’ll be able to feel the same about him.

But destiny has made you meet Taehyung years before him and you have fallen hopelessly in love with him and it doesn’t matter how much you may try to overcome it or to deny it, you know in your heart there will never be a place for someone else. Not now, not even in a hundred years.

“You are supposed to move on and find someone better.”

Jeongguk shakes his head vigorously, a sob erupting from his trembling mouth as both of his hands grab your face, his eyes turning pleading as they gaze into yours.

“I don’t want someone better, I want you.”

You close your eyes as you exhale loudly to try and steady yourself. This hurts so much and you’ll never overcome the hatred you feel for yourself for doing this to someone so precious and kind like Jeongguk.

He deserved better from the very beginning but you have been selfish enough to use him all this time, even without realising it.

You lift the hand that was holding your gun all of this time and with a sinking heart, you lift it to his head.

“Don’t make me do it, please.”

He shakes his head a little in bewilderment, his eyes big and terrified by the person they are staring at right now because to him, this is not you at all.

“I’m sorry, Jeongguk,” your voice trembles as you sniffle loudly, “I really am sorry but I love him,” you shake your head a little because you truly are hopeless at this point and you have no will to try and repress your own feelings any longer, “ I will always love him.”

Jeongguk stops breathing for a few seconds, his eyes closing as he takes it all in: his confession, the rejection, your weapon aimed at him and your decision to try and go back in time to find Taehyung.

A shaky breath comes out of his parted mouth as he forces himself to let go of you and take a few steps back.

Tears are falling in big droplets on both of your cheeks as he slowly steps backwards, defeat painted all over his features.

“I hope you’ll find him and you’ll live a happy life together.”

His voice is strained but you know he truly means it because that is who Jeongguk is. Someone so kind and gentle it’s a wonder he’s actually considered a deadly weapon within the Agency.

You force yourself to smile for him one last time and nod your head yes a few times.

“Leave happily, too, Jeongguk and thank you for everything.”

Jeongguk offers you a small nod before diverting his gaze towards the Police-men running out of their cars with their weapons out, ready to shoot you down at any given opportunity.

“Tell Hoseok that I’m sorry and that I love him.”

Jeongguk nods his head again and then he closes his eyes and turns around, forcing himself again to let go of you and think about his safety now.

You watch him go with tears smearing all over your face and neck and when he is almost out of sight, you drop your weapon on the ground and lift your hands up in surrender.

Your heart feels like a hummingbird inside your ribcage as the Police-men finally approach you, guns aimed at you from all angles whilst one of them roughly handcuffs your hands behind your back.

❖ 25th June 2019, h 15:00 || Seoul, South Korea

 Time has always played a big part in your life. In fact, for most of your adulthood, time has been essential.

Now, held in a cold and bare prison cell for the first time in what feels like forever, you’re starting to lose all knowledge of time and how it flows and ticks by to the point in your mind, it’s all turning into a big blur of now and then.

Meals are brought to you in a seemingly precise pattern that allows you to guess what part of the day it is and a semblance of night time is also given by the lights turning off at a very specific hour—whichever that might be.

You often find yourself glancing down at your wrist where your watch used to be out of pure habit. A sigh escapes your mouth each time you are met with the sight of your own skin and not the comforting digits you were seeking.

The silence and loneliness of your confinement prove to be truly unnerving and slowly driving you absolutely insane.

With nobody to talk to and nothing to do, you can’t stop your mind from drifting off and imagine Taehyung in this very situation. You can almost see him before you in the ugly orange outfit, lying on the bed with his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he struggles to recover from his injuries and the thought of leaving you behind.

You also think about Jeongguk a lot. You apparently like the most to indulge in the sorrowful memory of his pained look as he forced himself to turn his back on you and run to safety.

One thing you try not to think about too much, though, is Hoseok and how he may be trying to cope with your absence.

There are a great number of scenarios possible you’d rather not indulge in, the most prominent one being him trying to break you out of prison, like he tried to do with Taehyung, even though he knows it’s basically impossible.

There is a tiny part of you that fears he’ll not only try but also succeed in his endeavour. Of course, the biggest part of you is more preoccupied with him getting himself hurt to the point of no return in the attempt to save you from the path you chose for yourself.

All these thoughts have nowhere to go except run around your head, mixing together, overlapping each other to the point you sometimes have a hard time distinguishing what is real and what is only a fragment of your own imaginations.

After all, this is what you are made to do in a place like this: think, think, think.

Nights—or their rendition of them, at least—do not pass by easily as well because more than often, sleep escapes you.

When you close your eyes you can’t help but picture Taehyung’s face or Jeongguk’s and, honestly, you have a hard time deciding which one is worse. What you know, though, is that your heart breaks a little more every single time and that is why for the past few days—assuming it has been multiple, that is—you have given up on sleep altogether in favour of a silent wait for your eleventh hour.

You can’t always hide your nervousness well; your body jerks every now and then, your legs relentlessly move up and down to alleviate some of the stress you feel clutching your insides, your lips often nip at the tender skin around your nails.

When the door opens again for the third time today, you almost jump from your seat and rush to the guard to ask him the millions of questions swirling in your mind.

You do nothing of the sort, though, as your gaze fixes on his stern one and the tight line of his lips.

You do try to pry into his eyes and catch a hint of something in them, literally anything that could give away a little something but you are met with the same old cold stare.

It feels like a little bit too early for it to be dinner already but then again, time has been slipping through your fingers more and more with each passing hour so who knows, maybe you have already lost the ability to discern it through the tight schedule of the prison.

“Get up,” the gruff tone of the guard’s voice almost makes you flinch, forcefully peeling you off from your own thoughts.

His stance is more intimidating than usual today, his features twisted in a little smirk that dare you to even slightly question his authority so he can have a little fun with you.

The thing is, you are not being held against your will right now, hell, you surrendered yourself to them and that means you have no reason to talk back or disobey their orders.

You get up on your own two feet and let him handcuff your hands behind your back without uttering a single word.

He pulls you out of the prison cell and you follow him diligently as he quickly crosses hall after hall of this seemingly infinite maze of white walls.

There isn’t much to see, really, but you still scan your surroundings eagerly, almost excited for the change of scenarios.

Your eyes actually lit up as for the first time in days—how many could have passed? A couple, a whole week? No idea—you see a clock hanging on a wall.

The ticking hands of the clock inform you it is three sharp, whether that is AM or PM you have absolutely no chance of knowing just yet but you would guess for it to be in the afternoon, just out of logic and intuition.

The walk to your destination—wherever that may be—is pretty silent and it doesn’t help your mind from slowing down on the reeling thoughts at all.

All the things you’d want to ask and inquire about get stuck on the tip of your tongue but, every time you lift your gaze to the huge back of your guard you are reminded that questions are not well perceived here.

At the end of yet another long corridor, you spot a couple of guards waiting for the two of you, each one of them at one side of the big door you came through for the very first time a great number of hours ago—at least sensation wise.

Your heart absolutely leaps in your chest as a new sudden thought creeps up in your mind. This is it, this is the day.

The three guards tower over you, covering every corner of your body except for your back as you are escorted to the trial room.

You have never seen one of those rooms before, except for photos on-line that did not make it any justice.

The white polished room is round and bigger than you anticipated, the ceiling is tall and spherical with a glass at the very top to let the light flood in and illuminate the whole ambient.

If this weren’t an “execution” chamber, you would actually deem it as lovely and warm-looking.

As you move past the door you feel the eyes of the judges and the few civilians present there close in on you, studying you as you slowly walk to the centre of the room.

The first guard that came to fetch you forces you on the elevated seat positioned there, right under the glass you saw while coming in.

In this position, you are now able to look everyone present here today right in the eyes.

As you stare at them you notice some of them squirm in their seats as if uncomfortable under your scrutiny, you also see some of them looking at you with hatred in their gazes as if you were the lowest scum of the Earth, the worst criminal they could think of.

It is laughable when you think about it.

Sure, you are not an innocent soul, far from it actually since you have killed so many men and women in your life but those lives you took, they were taken for a purpose and yes, the means to an end do not always make it right but in your world, you either seek justice for yourself and try to help the whole world by damning your soul or you let the criminals have their way with thousands of innocent lives.

So, even though the many eyes looking at you now as if you are as bad as any other serial killer or the criminals you have killed puts a bitter taste in your mouth, you’d still chose this path for yourself. Yes, even though that would mean losing Taehyung all over again and get yourself caught just to try and find him in the distant past.

Your resolve wavers a little though when you see them. A chocolate and a onyx gaze are fixed on you, a mixture of emotions swirling inside those familiars irises filled with unshed tears.

You didn’t notice them at first but now that you have, you simply cannot look away, hell, you even find blinking a hard task when you all know these right here are the last minutes you’ll spend together, forever.

Hoseok and Jeongguk are standing right at the very end of the room on each side of the exit door as if ready to bolt out at any given moment. And maybe, that’s precisely the case.

Your heart flutters in your chest with a great number of different emotions: sadness, fear, guilt, regret—all of them rise and rise and menace to choke you with their power.

Your eyes swell with tears and you find yourself shaking your head a little, a pleading look plastered all over your face because what if, what if they are here to save you and not to say goodbye? You can’t go back, you won’t.

Please don’t try to break me out, please. You repeat these words in your head like a mantra as if they were even able to hear them.

Jeongguk’s eyes are the ones that leave your face first, his bottom lip trapped under his teeth as he struggles not to break down right in the middle of the room.

You let out a strangled sob and divert your gaze from your brother to the judge in front of you, eager for the trial to begin and put an end to all of your miseries—or at least a part of them.

Your ears try to catch onto any abnormal sound that could come from within the room or even right outside of it as chaos ensues but nothing of the sort happens for a very long while.

You barely hear the judges talk and list all the crimes you are being accused of, you barely register the little coughs and snorts from the civilians watching this live because all of your attention is focused on the two dear people you are going to leave behind soon.

Their shoulders are slumped, their lips trembling a little and their cheeks are wet from all the tears they couldn’t choke down any longer.

You know at this moment that they have accepted it, that they are here to see you one last time before you go and that they won’t fight for you but rather root for you.

You mouth the words ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’ and you force a smile to grace your lips for them, to give them both a somewhat happy last memory of you.

A cold metal basket is suddenly placed on the top of your head, the contact making you shiver and move your gaze towards the guard right next to you.

You realise now you have no idea how these things actually work and despite yourself, your heart spikes up in your chest with the fear of the unknown.

A few straps are fastened around your torso and your legs are pinned to the chair with handcuffs similar to the ones binding your hands.

You are told to open your mouth and you do so, confusion making your eyebrows knit together as you silently ask for an explanation. Of course, you aren’t given a verbal response yet again but a mouthguard is placed between your parted lips and you instinctively bite it down with your teeth, assuming it is to protect yourself from biting down your tongue.

If you didn’t know any better, you would actually think you’re about to be electrocuted in front of everyone present.

“Jung ________,” the judge says, making your gaze shift up to him so you can meet his cold stare, “You are hereby sentenced to go 69 years in the past.”

You exhale loudly, your heart beating like a hummingbird between your ribs as you realize you’ll be sent back an entire year after Taehyung’s arrival.

Fear and doubt clutch your soul as you start to realize this journey will probably be harder than you first envisioned.

There is no place for doubts though, especially not now that the “executioner” has started the machine that will teleport you back into the past.

You feel a surge of energy coursing through your body and you shiver at the weird sensation. Your heart feels like a heavy stone in your throat and you feel your breath getting shorter and you can’t tell whether that is panic shooting through you or the effect of what is being done to you.

You hear a strangled call of your name and you are forced to fix your gaze on Hoseok and Jeongguk again knowing it is indeed your very last time seeing both of their faces.

Your brother has a firm grip around the chest of your best friend, pulling him towards him and the exit door to stop him from making a mistake he’ll pay with his life.

Jeongguk is crying and reaching his hand out for you, his entire face twisted into one of pain and dread over your depart.

You would reach for him too if you could, you would caress his cheek and tell him that everything is going to be okay, that he will overcome all of this but you can’t.

Even your words get stuck in your throat as a bolt suddenly blinds you and twists your body in all directions, almost eliciting a painful scream out of you.

You didn’t think time travel would hurt this much but it does. It feels like every little cell you are made of is being blown and then recreated with a different form and function. It feels like being ripped apart and built again, but all in the wrong order.

You hear a muffled scream and realise it is your own, blocked by the mouthguard still safely tucked in your mouth.

You catch a glimpse of Hoseok’s face as he cries his heart out and of Jeongguk’s desperate eyes as he falls on his knees realising it is too late to do anything now.

With that last image imprinted in your brain, you close your eyes on the present day.

❖ 25th June 1950 || Seoul, South Korea

The pain stops altogether, disappearing as quickly as it came and all at once. For a second, you keep your eyes close to catch your breath, feeling almost as if you imagined all of this happening and once you dare to look at your surroundings again you'll find yourself still stuck in a prison cell.

Can pain so vivid be imagined, you ask yourself.

The distinct sound of a horn is what prompts you to finally open your eyes and take in what is all around you.

The street before you is busy with cars you would deem ancient in the present time but that shine like new gorgeous pieces here, in what you assume to be the past.

You jump back as the man behind the wheel yells at you to get the hell out of his way and you bow in apology as he stares at you.

Well, he isn't the only person staring at you right about now and you quickly realise that with your neon orange prison uniform you must be shining like a beacon in the night.

The desire to blend in and disappear between this mass of people is what forces you to move and start walking, in which direction well, that is up to luck, apparently.

You know you must still be in Seoul but there aren't any clues around to confirm your theory nor somebody you could ask it to. At least not with you looking like this.

What you want to do now is make sure nobody looks at you for too long and, most importantly, that nobody decides to report you for whatever reason and send you straight into a Police station once more.

As you walk through the unfamiliar streets—your teeth torturing the poor skin around your nails out of habit and nervousness—you scan your surroundings in search of hints that could tell you where, or rather when, exactly are you.

The year is 1950 and if math didn't help you in guessing it, surely the women walking beside you would have.

Some still sport the classic Hanbok look while others look more up to par with the occidental fashion, albeit them being in the smallest percentage, at least around this area.

History has never been your forte so it is not a big surprise that you cannot remember a single event from this year that may help you in finding out the date and also give you a tiny lead towards Taehyung's whereabouts.

As more and more time passes though, you realise that looking for someone in an age where smartphones and internet do not exist equals to searching for a needle in a haystack.

When you formed your plan in your head you hadn't really thought about the after and as you keep walking around having no idea where to go or what to do, you realise that finding him—if even possible—amongst twenty-something million people will be way harder than you initially envisioned.

You stop on your tracks and force yourself to breathe in and not panic already.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath to steady both your heart and mind, applying what you have been taught at the Agency even in this switch of scenario.

When you feel like you have significantly calmed down you decide to put on pause the thought of Taehyung and how to find him because realistically speaking, there are a few things more vital than that right now.

First: blend in with the people around you.

You scan your surroundings in search of a clothing shop and find one right across the street and even though the thought of crossing it scares you—because let's face it, there is nowhere to hide or conceal yourself out there—you still force yourself to face the dread and get it over with.

The shop appears to be closed and you wonder why when it's still broad daylight outside but, in this case, it works in your absolute favour.

You look around the building in search of a back door or even a back window you can force open to help yourself in and, after a few minutes of attentive search, you find something that will work perfectly fine.

There is a tiny window on the wall that faces the side road and you assume it to be either the bathroom's one or the dressing room's one—not that it would make that much of a difference.

You look around a couple of times to make sure nobody is watching and when you are absolutely sure no prying eyes are fixed on you, you break the tiny window with a single hit and climb up the wall to force yourself in.

In your life, you have done many despicable things in order to take down your targets and you try to brush off the sense of guilt over trespassing and stealing from some innocent man by thinking of this as another one of your missions.

It doesn't help as much as you'd want it to but, without a single Won in your pockets, this is your only option.

You look around the shop and take in the great number of dresses and their different styles at your disposal.

Though you would love to put on one of the more modern dresses simply because it would feel a little bit more familiar, you quickly decide that a more traditional attire would surely draw less attention on when out in the open.

With a sigh you reach out for the first Hanbok you can find and quickly slip out of your prison clothes with a sigh of relief.

The fabric of the Hanbok feels soft between your fingers and it makes you realize you have no idea when was the last time you even wore one of these. Probably when you were still a kid and both of your parents were still alive.

The thought of them brings back memories of Hoseok and your first years together and those reruns draw a shaky breath out of your mouth.

You shake your head ‘no’ a couple of times to push them all out of your head and keep moving forward. You do not have the luxury of dwelling in distant memories you cannot reach nor change.

Without any more hesitations, you fasten the burgundy Chima at your waist, tightening at the best of your abilities while standing in front of the mirror.

The Jegori paired with it is of a beautiful anthracite grey, the collar lightly decorated with strings of burgundy to match the skirt whilst the sleeves are adorned with rose’s design of a darker and almost black colour. The design is simple but very elegant, giving it a refined touch that makes you feel like a princess after staying in those prison clothes for so long.

The image reflected in the mirror is almost of someone you do not recognise. You feel like a new person and you even look like one with no make-up on your face, your hair cut shorter than they used to and not a single sign of the fierceness that once used to inhabit in your eyes.

You sigh out loud and force yourself to stop looking at your own reflection in favour of your new task: find a pair of shoes that is actually comfortable to walk around in.

You are used to the comfort of running shoes or sneakers and there is no chance in hell you’ll find something as soft and comfortable as those here but, in the end you opt for a traditional looking pair of shoes that have no heel and seem at least fit for a little run, if necessary.

The next problem you need to face is your hair. When you cut it a few months ago you did it because you needed a change, you needed to look different since you felt so not like yourself on the inside. Surely, you hadn’t thought of needing them now to blend in with the rest of the civilians.

You do your best to tie them up in a semblance of a bun and decide that this will have to do even though it is not perfect. It’s not like you have that much of a choice anyway.

You stop to ponder a little whether it would be possible for you to climb back up the wall and exit through the window you came in through while dressed like this and you decide that no, that doesn’t seem plausible in the slightest.

With no other option available, you walk to the door to study the lock and figure out how to force it open.

The thing about doors is that they improved over the years and locks have become harder and harder to pry open. In this case, though, time appears to be your friend because cracking the door open proves to be far easier than it was to climb inside in the first place.

You try to look as casual as you possibly can while you exit the shop and you exhale loudly when you realise no one is actually looking at you, not anymore at least.

You resume your walk through the streets with your next goal in mind: find out what day is it today.

Your eyes look around eagerly, studying your surroundings with new-found curiosity and as you move past a couple of shops and restaurant you start noticing a somewhat disheartening detail. Everything appears to be closed.

You wonder why all of the public places would be locked down in the middle of the day—if the sun up in the sky is anything to go by.

You stop on your tracks and look around with a pout, finally noticing how the streets are getting quieter and quieter the more time passes.

With your eyebrows knotted together, you decide to approach a woman hastily walking in your general direction and looking as if about to break into an actual run.

"Uhm, excuse me?"

The woman looks at you with a cold stare that makes you retreat the hand you had moved forward to make her notice you.

"I was wondering if you know why everything is closed around here," your voice is small and your skin hot to the touch as you pose your question. You have never truly been the extreme shy type but there is something about the way this woman looks you up and down that makes you doubt everything about yourself.

"Are you daft?" She exclaims, her eyebrows rising as if she can't believe the ridiculousness of your question, "Who would want to go around on a day like this?"

You tilt your head to the side a little, confusion written all over your features as you try to remember any important event happening during this year.

"Haven't you heard the news, child?!" The woman before you clutches her heart and looks at you as if you were an actual kid and she couldn't believe she had to be the one delivering bad news to an innocent soul.

"I'm afraid not," you reply in uncertainty, your voice barely above a whisper.

"The War has started, baby girl."

The words feel like heavy stones on your shoulders as she deadpans the news to you. Of fucking course, how could you even forget something so important?

Today is June 25th and it is the start of the conflict between North Korea and South Korea and you are right in the middle of it.

You feel panic surging through your body as you start to realize what this means for you. Finding Taehyung was already difficult but finding him in a country that is about to go to war? Suddenly, it feels hopeless and impossible.

Your despair and doubt must be written all over your face because the elderly woman shoots you an apologetic smile before excusing herself and rush along like everybody else around you.

You don't realise you have started walking until you find yourself in the middle of a park, having no idea how you got there in the first place.

It is dusk already and you still haven't figured out how you will spend the night in this foreign place without a single Won to offer in return for hospitality.

When night falls and it seems impossible to keep moving around with not a single clue of where you are supposed to go, you find yourself looking for a shelter for the nighttime.

You are about to lose all hope and simply crawl in a ball at the side of the street when you stumble upon an evidently abandoned building.

You look up at the broken glasses of the windows, the decadence of the walls and the ajar doors on the side road.

With reluctance, you enter the building and choose an empty room for yourself, favouring the proximity of the window over the door.

In this position, you can benefit from both the fresh air of the night and a vantage point in case any visitors decide to show up during the night.

You hug your legs to your chest and stare at the empty corridor ahead, your heart beating fast in your chest as your body starts to relax and the adrenaline dies down leaving only fear and despair behind.

You wish you had thought more about what you were going to find in the past, you wish you had made a better plan to find Taehyung than simply be sent here and deal with the rest once you were stuck in the past.

A part of you wishes you could take back everything but you know, you would have never been able to move on with your if life you didn't do this for both yourself and Taehyung.

You had promised him to not leave him behind, you had promised to get him back and you failed at both of them so it only seemed logical you had to sacrifice yourself in order to be with him.

Now that you are here, though, the thought of never finding him is stuck in your brain and makes you squirm on the floor in anguish.

Tonight, resting in an empty room in a foreign city with not a single soul to turn to, you cry yourself to sleep feeling like you may have made the biggest mistake of your entire life.

❖ 12th September 1950 || Busan, South Korea

  The sound of waves hitting the shores and the smell of salt filling the air make you relax as you stare at the expanse of the sea.

You breathe in as much air as you possibly can and exhale loudly with your eyes firmly closed.

Your body is tired after a long day at work but your mind is even more distraught and your surroundings have nothing to do with it.

A little less than three months have passed since your arrival here in the past and you are as close to finding Taehyung as you were on that very first day.

The thought nullifies the calming benefits of the sea altogether and you find yourself struggling to keep the tears at bay. It feels like that is what you have been doing all this time when you are alone and you have nothing better to do than to think and indulge in your own misery.

You turn your back on the sea with a sigh, dragging your limbs to the busy street so that you can return to your accommodation.

You have been in Busan for a couple of weeks now, following the troops here to keep helping with the wounded. You haven't studied medicine in the future nor here in the past but you are quite accustomed to wounds and how to treat them on the spot and, honestly speaking, voluntary work is what is keeping the army going in this dire times.

The North Korean army has conquered Seoul a few days after you arrived here in the past and slowly but steadily, you have been pushed here in Busan alongside with the army as they kept losing territory inch by inch.

Of course, you already know how the War will end but there is still no way of telling whether you'll make it out alive or not by the time the US military comes at your rescue in the south. You are crossing the street with your eyes fixed on the ground and a nail between your teeth as you nibble on it when you hear it. A voice as deep as the ocean, a little chuckle that, in a way, resembles the one of a kid.

Your heart skips a beat as you lift your gaze, hope filling your whole body to the point it feels like it may burst before you even get the chance to make sure it is actually him.

A few meters away from you stands a tall young man. He is dressed as a soldier: a light green uniform, a hat atop his head and black boots at his feet.

His jawline is sharp and manly and you can barely see the tip of his round nose but everything inside you tells you it's him, it has to be.

He starts to walk towards the camp after greeting the young woman he was talking to when you first heard his voice and you follow suit, your steps fast against the bitumen.

Your heart is heavy with doubt—what if it's not him or what if it is him but he has moved on? What if he has forgotten all about you in this year you spent apart? What if he has a new partner now and he is no longer in love with you?

All those questions do not stop your hasty steps at all because even if all of them are true, you just need to see him, to look into his eyes and hear his voice again.

He turns a little to the left and as he does, he exposes his entire profile to you and that's when you know, without a doubt, it is him. Finally, after all this time, Taehyung is standing before you in actual flesh and bones.

He looks relaxed, happy even, and most importantly in perfect health and you would start crying right in the middle of the street with the depth of your relief if the urgency of touching him wasn't this strong, forcing you to keep chasing him.

As he starts walking faster and you struggle to keep up with him in your stupid uncomfortable shoes, you find yourself screaming his name out loud.

"Kim Taehyung!"

You watch him freeze on the spot and slowly turn around towards you, his eyebrows knitted together as if he can't believe someone has just yelled his name in the middle of the street.

Or maybe, he can't believe his own ears and the way that voice resembled yours so much because he knows, without a doubt, that it is not possible for you to be here, right now.

But as his eyes stop on you standing in the middle of the street with your breath ragged and your eyes filled with tears, he truly has a hard time believing all of this isn't real.

You see the hesitation in his irises, his legs quivering a little as he struggles to decide whether he should walk to you or not.

A sob escapes your lips because you can't believe you are staring at his handsome face again.

He looks exactly like you remembered him to be: tall and lean, muscular but not excessively so, black hair a little longer on the back of his head and eyes always shining as if stars were trapped in there when he was born. Kim Taehyung has always been drop-dead gorgeous and, damn, you have missed him so much.

With not a single hint of hesitation, you run to him and throw your arms around his neck to hold him tight to your chest and keep him there for as long as you can.

"__________?" His voice trembles with a mixture of emotions you can only describe as incredulity, relief, happiness and confusion all mixed together and in response, you hold him even tighter.

"Is it really you?" You can hear the tears in his voice as it grows thick with them whilst his arms move to rest behind your back and return your embrace.

"It's me, baby, it's me."

You let go of him that tiny bit that allows you to look into his eyes and as you do, you both fall completely apart and start crying your hearts out in the middle of the street, not caring one bit of all the people surrounding you.

"Ho-how?" He asks, his bottom lip quivering as he brushes his wet nose against yours, "Are you real? Please tell me this isn't another dream."

You shake your head 'no' a couple of times and move your hands to caress his red and wet cheeks, eager to feel more of his skin under your digits just to make sure yourself this isn't one of your own dreams.

"I'm here, I came back for you just like I promised."

"How? What happened?"

He rests his forehead on yours and exhales loudly whilst holding you even tighter with his firm hands, almost as if scared that you'll disappear between his fingertips.

"I... I made sure the Police would catch me as soon as I was cleared to go out on the field again." You confess, your eyes shifting from his intense gaze to the tight line of his lips.

"You willingly did this to yourself?" You can sense the incredulity in his words and, honestly, you think you've taken a crazy leap of faith as well but, as you stand here with him in your arms it is very hard to feel regret over your decision.

"I couldn't live without you."

The confession makes your throat burn with the tears you are so forcibly trying to gulp down, it makes your heart feel incredibly small in the expanse of your chest and you do not have the courage to lift your gaze up all on your own.

It is one of Taehyung's fingers under your chin that pulls your focus back on his eyes.

He is looking at you as if you are the most precious gem he has ever seen and that look of love and adoration, that familiar gaze you were so used to seeing before, erases all doubts about him forgetting all about you and starting a new life for himself.

Kim Taehyung is clearly enamoured with you as much as he used to be and the realisation fills your heart with utter happiness.

All the hardships you had to face, all of the sleepless nights and the tears and desperate moments they were all worth it.

Taehyung lets go of your body and grasps your hand in his own, smiling at the way your fingers automatically entwine just like they used to, fitting together as if they were moulded to always be united like this.

"Come with me," he says and you eagerly follow his quick steps as he guides you through the Camp and a more secluded place.

"So you're a soldier now?" You ask as you briskly walk side to side to reach the privacy of his room.

"Ah, yes, well..." He trails off and steals a glance at your face as his cheeks empurple with a hint of embarrassment, "Killing people is all I ever learned to do so... I just thought I should make the best of what I've been taught in the future."

You smile at the way he tilts his head to the side a little in uncertainty, suddenly escaping your gaze as if you'd ever judge him for his choices.

Being a soldier definitely sounds better than being an assassin when spoken out loud in a casual conversation and in the end, it all seems to be tied to one similar reason: defending the world you love so much from the people that menace to endanger it.

If this were a time where being a female allowed you to join the forces, you would have probably chosen the same path for yourself.

You tug a little on his hand and he finally turns his face towards you, a sheepish smile gracing his lips as you nod your head in understanding and give him the biggest and happiest smile to ever grace your face.

"You are a nurse, then?" He asks after a few seconds, glancing at your simple black dress and classic black shoes that seem to be the go-to-attire for medical personnel outside duty.

"Ah," you glance at yourself and shrug a little before lifting your gaze towards him, "Well, I couldn't join the military but I am quite accustomed to wounds and how to treat them on the spot so I figured I could make myself useful here."

"Look at us, making the best of what we experienced on the field here in the past."

Taehyung is literally beaming at you and you smile back while tightening your grip on his hand. A part of you is still struggling to believe this is real, that you made it and are now finally together again.

Taehyung's steps come to a halt and you stop next to him, looking up at the door that stands before you.

You laugh as you watch him struggle to find the keys in his pockets while absolutely refusing to let go of your hand, almost as if afraid the moment he'll let go you'll turn into dust.

When he finally finds the keys and helps you inside his room, you exhale loudly in relief at the prospect of finally being alone again, away from prying eyes.

Taehyung must be feeling exactly the same way because the moment the door closes behind your backs he pushes you against the wooden surface and steals a kiss from you.

The contact is sudden but not any less sweet. You find yourself sighing on his mouth at the sensation of his soft lips moving atop your own, stealing your breath away.

Touching him again, feeling him like this for the first time in over a year feels like absolute bliss.

Your body seems to melt under his touch just like butter under the scorching sun and the more his hands roam all over your curves, the more eager you get to feel more of him against your skin.

"God, I've missed you so fucking much," Taehyung says as he parts from your lips to breathe in and calm down the quick heaving of his chest.

His nose keeps caressing the tip of your own as he stares right inside your eyes, almost as if he could look at your soul through them.

"I've missed you too," you whisper and your voice breaks a little as you choke those words out because you have never spoken words truer than these ones.

You have missed Taehyung like one misses air and all this time, you felt like a part of you had been ripped from you and scattered across the whole world.

Now that you have him here before you, though, you feel whole again and it is with that sentiment that you grasp a few locks of his hair and pull him forward so your lips can meet again.

His hat falls unceremoniously on the ground with a loud thud but you are both deaf to anything else that isn't the rampant beating of your hearts and your breaths, slowly mingling together.

Taehyung’s lips find the curve of your neck next, right below the ear, and they conquer the sensitive skin anew with his warm kisses, eliciting soft sighs out of you.

He presses his body to yours as if to make sure you won’t be going anywhere and you find yourself pulling on him with just as much passion and eagerness.

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” he whispers atop the curve of your jawline as he covers it with sweet and feather-like kisses.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” you reply as you seek his eyes to let yourself drown into those black pools.

He smiles at you, shaking his head a little as if he cannot believe you are apologising for something you couldn’t control but he knows, he must know that your apologies go deeper than that. You are sorry for leaving him in the first place, you are sorry for not being there when he was sent back nor when they tried to save him but most of all, you are sorry for the many mistakes you’ve made that night.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, we are both here and we are well.”

He says and you can’t help but claim his mouth again as he does so because his words move your heart in ways you didn’t think possible. You thought you had known happiness and love before by his side but as you keep pulling him into you, as you keep savouring him, it feels like this right here goes way beyond what you felt for him before.

Taehyung is truly your soul mate, your everything and there is no way of hiding that when your fingers are so restless, your mouth so greedy and hungry for the taste of him.

His hands move on your hips and slowly inch backwards until he is palming your bottom cheeks and squeezing them tight, turning your kiss into a heated one.

You sigh and whimper in unison at the sensation of being this close after so long and you can feel the excitement building between his legs with each passing second.

You do not want to rush anything today, though. What you want is to savour him for as long as you possibly can, make him yours all over again.

After such a long time, it feels like your bodies need to get acquainted again, they need to discover every niche and ridge they were made of until you know every single inch of each other just like you used to.

“I want you so much,” he whispers in a shaky breath as he leaves your mouth to attack the expanse of your neck.

Your back arches a little as his lips close on the sensitive skin and bloom purple roses there to mark his passage.

Your eyes flutter shut whilst your fingers grab his locks harder, forcing him closer so that he won’t stop kissing you like this, claiming you inch after inch.

“You can have me, baby,” you reply in a soft whisper, “You can have all of me.”

Taehyung groans against your skin and you shiver as he roughly pulls your dress upwards to reveal your naked legs and aching core.

You are mildly aware of the arousal between your legs and how it must have painted a dark spot in the centre of your underwear and the way his eyes immediately zero on it makes your sex tingle with excitement.

Taehyung’s hands travel upwards again and chose your breasts as their next victim.

His fingers are passionate, a little bit too rough as they encompass the supple flesh and pull it out of your flimsy little dress.

He appears to be extremely pleased with the absence of a bra and he eagerly licks his lips as if about to taste his favourite dessert.

The sensation of his hot mouth against your sensitive buds is intoxicating. A shiver runs up your spine, covering your flesh in goosebumps as you deliciously sigh for him and arch against the simple touch.

His tongue rolls out of his mouth and encompasses the already hardened nipple and you whimper for him, encouraging him to keep up with his little tantalizing touches.

He kisses the thin skin between your breasts and moves to the other to give it the same exact treatment and grow the arousal pooling in your core.

He seems to be satisfied only when you are heaving for him, the expanse of your chest covered in saliva and decorated with tiny, purple love marks.

His fingers hook the edges of your dress around the shoulders and guide it downwards, slowly revealing your body to him.

His eyes drink up the sight of you half-naked before him as he is trying to impress it firmly in his memory, almost as if he has forgotten how you look like and feel like against him and wants to make sure he won’t forget ever again,

You shiver a little under his scrutiny albeit the room being almost too hot for comfort and he smiles at you while biting his bottom lip, the look on his features absolutely mesmerising.

“You’re as beautiful as I remembered,” he says under his breath but he can’t hide the way his eyes linger a little too long over the scars of the wounds you’ve got as a token on your last night together.

“It’s ok, Tae, I’m all healed up,” you whisper, your tone purposefully tender whilst your hands caress his head and cheeks to soothe him further.

He softly hums in response and leans into your touch, closing his eyes for a few seconds just to bask into the sensation.

When his gaze fixes back on you he gives you a little smile and then presses his lips on every little scar that has been freshly added to your body. There are many that constellate your body and they are all small reminders of the enemies you’ve faced, of the hardships you have conquered and raised up from just like a phoenix.

You know Taehyung has many of his own and some may even be new to you but all those blemishes, they have shaped you into what you are today and they don’t make neither of you less beautiful on the outside nor the inside.

You shiver at the sensation of his tongue lapping your flesh as if he were trying to mend your skin and you find yourself sighing for him, calling his name with desperate eagerness to feel more.

His delicate hands respond to your call with ardour, pulling your dress all the way down until you are left in nothing but your flimsy underwear.

As you stand before him like this, exposed and ready to be loved to the utmost, you reach for his uniform and start unbuttoning his jacket as quickly as you possibly can.

The fabric almost seems like a trap with its line of stubborn buttons and Taehyung has to help you undo some of them to free himself.

You almost groan at the sight of a white shirt beneath his jacket blocking your view of his naked torso—albeit it being almost pointless with the way it is soaked in sweat and almost completely see-through and stuck on his golden skin.

You have no idea how he can stand the uncomfortable fit of this garment when you can barely bear the feeling of a cap atop your head while working at Camp.

You strip him off of the shirt and bash in the way he immediately shivers as your breath hits his wet and hot skin.

You attach your mouth on his chest and he sighs instantly at the sensation, relaxing under the feeling of your lips tasting him like this.

As you claim every inch of his upper torso and discover a few new scars there, your hands work fast on his pants to let them fall on his feet and free him of his tight confinement.

Taehyung steps out of his pants and shoes as you keep kissing him, licking and biting the supple flesh to leave there marks that will soon mirror the ones he left on your chest.

With greedy hands you clutch his bottom cheeks and pull him towards you, forcing his hips to rock forward and slightly meet your own. The sensation of his erection against your clothed sex makes the both of you whimper with desire and there is no denying you won’t hold much longer with this dragged out wait for your carnal reunion.

Your fingers hook the hem of his boxers and you slide them down his legs to free him from the sticky garment and as he hisses at the freeing sensation, you attach your lips to his neck and suck on the tender flesh until he groans in both pain and pleasure, perfectly mingled together.

You palm his erection with one of your hands, basking in the way his body trembles at the mere touch and his mouth opens with a silent moan.

Taehyung remains so pliable when it comes down to the pleasure you can ignite in him with the simplest of actions and your heart rate spikes up in your chest. You have him right at the centre of your palm even after all this time, just like he has you.

“I need to feel you, baby,” he whimpers out and you shift your gaze from your hand around his cock to his pleading eyes.

“Then take me,” you reply, your voice sounding almost daring as if you doubt he would when in reality, you are quite acquainted with the way Taehyung loves to claim and ruin your body.

It doesn’t come as that much of a surprise then that he instantly lifts you up, forcing you to hook your legs around his hips for support whilst he steals your breath away with his ravenous tongue, seeking your own.

The kiss is sloppy, lewd with the sounds of your ragged breaths and tongues toying with each other whilst saliva starts to gather on both of your chins.

You moan as his grip around your bottom cheeks turns a little rougher whilst he spins you around to drag you to the bed at the end of the room.

His steps are unsteady as he manoeuvres you through the tiny apartment, his everything focused more on you and how you taste like to care enough about what is surrounding you and where your bodies are going to bruise come morning due to the few bumps along your way.

You are both breathless by the time you reach the comfort of his bed and you sigh as the soft mattress welcomes your back, hugging your body as if it were made of clouds. Or maybe it just feels like it because you are absolutely flying right now, your heart so content it feels like it could burst any moment now.

Taehyung’s eyes are fixed on your lean figure and you tilt your head to the side a little, offering him a sweet smile while opening up your legs for him.

The silent invitation seems to be enough for him to join you on the bed and finally claim what has been his all along.

The mattress dips as his knee presses against the soft surface so that he can climb right between your legs.

You welcome him in your arms as he pushes his body forward to feel your heated skin pressed against his own whilst he steals your mouth anew with the same amount of vigour and passion shown before.

You feel like a feral animal that has been starving for days and is now faced with a feast. You want to taste all of him all at once whilst still savouring every instant and make it last for as long as you possibly can.

Despite the passion burning in your hearts, Taehyung takes his time as well as he explores your body anew, planting small kisses on his way southwards, where he knows your arousal resides.

You sigh every time his lips touch something new and as he grasps your breasts you softly call out his name, biting your bottom lip as his teeth graze the already battered flesh of your hard nipples so he can gently tug on it, drag it forward and enclose his lips around it to give it a firm suck.

Your fingers find purchase into his messy locks again and he groans as you tug on them a little too fiercely in response to his incitement.

“Baby, please,” you whine, arching your back so that your hips can slightly brush against his own and get a taste of what it will feel like to have him lodged deep inside of you again, battering your core until you are screaming his name for everyone to hear.

Taehyung smirks on your skin but is forced to comply to your wishes quite quickly once you hook your feet behind his back and you start rocking your hips forward to meet his turgid cock through your underwear.

He hisses under his breath and forces your hips to still with his strong hands, pinning you down on the bed with a daring look in his eyes.

You release his back from the vice of your legs and watch him resume his travel southward with lust shining in your eyes.

He slides a little off the bed to remove the shoes you hadn’t realized were still planted on your feet and then he kisses his way up from your ankles up to your inner thighs.

You inhale loudly and immediately close your eyes as you feel his hot breath hitting the wetness of your clothed core.

He nuzzles his nose into your panties and you whimper as he shakes his head a little between your legs, the tip of his nose brushing perfectly against your clitoris.

His long fingers hook on the hem of your underwear and you lift your ass up from the bed to help him slide them down your legs and finally reveal the depth of your arousal to him.

He hums in contentment at the sight of you so hopelessly devoted to him to the point even a few kisses can turn you soaking wet.

His hands firmly press your hips down as he blows hot hair on your exposed sex right before his mouth plants a sweet and seemingly-innocent kiss atop your thirsty lips.

Your lashes tremble as you struggle to keep yourself still when he is so close you can almost feel him filling you up and yet, not quite close enough for you to feel actual pleasure.

Your mouth hangs open as you pathetically sigh for him before he has even started touching you, savouring you.

Fuelled by your evident desires, Taehyung’s mouth opens and his tongue darts out to lie flat on your soaked core and lap at the sweet juices dripping out of you.

A long and shaky breath escapes your mouth at the sensation of his languid muscle pressed against your feverish skin.

A string of whispered pleas and calls of his name fills the silence of the room as he laps at your core fervently, his head moving up and down as he covers the expanse of your folds with the tip of his tongue.

Taehyung hums contently against your mound, the vibrations he produces making you shiver whilst forcing your eyes to pry open so that you can bask in the sight of him, residing so prettily between your legs.

“I missed the sweet taste of your cunt so bloody much,” he says as soon as he catches your eyes fixed on his and you whine at the lewd words he speaks with such ease.

“Yeah? Have you thought about it often?” You force yourself to say through the little whimpers that leave your mouth, eager to drink up more of his lasciviousness.

“All the damn time,” he confesses, voice husky with desire as he tilts his head a little to the side to flick the tight bundle of nerves atop your aching core.

His mouth encompasses the trigger to your pleasure in earnest desire of having you surrender to him completely and that, you gladly do as he starts sucking on the little bundle of flesh like his life depends on it.

Whimpers escape your parted lips whilst your hands fly to find purchase on the covers, tugging on them with tight fists that menace to rip them off if you tag on the thin fabric a little longer.

The way your body so hungrily responds to every single one of his touches turns him fervent, eager to give you the pleasure you so evidently need and the truth is that you haven’t been touched like this in over a year, you have denied yourself pleasure all this time, believing you didn’t deserve any bliss after what you did to him.

Your body is literally starving, hungry for any form of attention it can get and that is why you are so pliant under his touch.

“Did you think about my cock filling your tight little pussy?” He asks as he slightly lifts his face up, away from your aching core whilst his fingers slowly slide down from your hips down to your wet folds.

His digits are careful, slow against your overflowing sex but they make you sigh nonetheless because you have missed this, all of this, for way too long.

“Y-yes,” you pathetically whimper back because it’s the truth and there is no point in hiding it. You have dreamed of him like this countless of times and that is why you open up your eyes and fix them back on him. This is not a dream and you do not want to miss him looking like this, so entranced with the depth of your arousal and the power he still holds over it.

“Have you touched yourself thinking about me pounding into you just like I used to?” His voice is all rough around the edges, deep and guttural as he stares right into your eyes, seeking an answer in your gaze.

Your expression falters as you struggle between wanting to please him and keep the teasing game going, or tell him the honest truth.

Your resolution on lying is very short-lived though as you catch the shift in his own eyes while he keeps looking at you. For a moment, you forgot how acquainted he is with your habits and little mannerism. For a whole second, you thought you could fool the man you love but you were wrong and that much is clear in the way his brows furrow while he tilts his head to the side, studying you.

His generous fingers leave your core all at once and you almost whine at the sudden loss.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He inquires, encouraging you to speak up whatever is passing through your mind right now.

Your heart hurts a little as you stare at him, looking so serious and concerned and you find out you can’t actually hold that gaze when you are about to confess your very last secret to him, undress your soul completely for him.

“I... I couldn’t. I didn’t think I...” your voice is small as your eyes move to fix on the white wall behind his back, purposefully avoiding his deep and attentive eyes. Your face turns uncomfortably hot as you muster the courage to utter the embarrassing words out loud, “I didn’t think I deserved it.”

The mattress beneath you dips with his weight as he climbs back up on top of you to rest between your legs. Despite yourself, you find your eyes trained in his as he guides your chin upwards, making it impossible for you to look away as he steals a kiss from your mouth.

“Why?” He asks, his voice soft because he probably already knows the answer to this very question but still needs to ask.

“Because I left you,” your voice breaks and his eyes seem to fill with shining stars as he lets out a strangled breath before claiming your lips anew with a gentle touch.

“When was the last time you’ve had an orgasm?” Roses bloom on your cheeks as those words leave his mouth before he places a soft kiss against your temple, the gesture so tender you fear you may burst into actual tears and break down before him at the way he keeps looking at you, touching you and kissing you like you are the most precious treasure on the whole planet.

“I don’t know,” you blurt out in honest truth, your voice still so small it is barely above a whisper.

Taehyung sighs and closes his eyes for a few seconds and when he opens them back up, his long lashes framing his intense gaze, you are rendered absolutely speechless by the fire burning in them.

“This ends tonight,” he says, his voice almost harsh to your ears whilst your heart skips a beat between your lungs with the fear of him referring to your relationship. There is so much sorrow and love gracing his features though you find it hard to even breathe normally, “You won’t feel guilty about leaving me behind ever again.”

The tip of his nose strokes your own, encouraging you to nod in response and acknowledge his desire.

“Ok.”

“Promise me,” he kisses your temple again and you lean into the sweet touch, a little smile gracing your lips as you finally catch onto what his words meant all along.

“I promise.” You say and, this time, you mean it.

“Good,” he kisses your neck next and bites the tender skin until he elicits a moan out of you, swiftly throwing you back into an aroused daze.

“Now,” he says, licking his lips as he glides down your body to return to his initial position right between your thighs, “Time to get what you deserve.”

His words are titillating but also remarkably sweet with what they entail—you have been too hard on yourself, you have punished yourself way too hard for sins you didn’t even commit to his eyes. All this time you deserved everything, you deserved happiness and you still deserved him. So now, he is bent on giving you all of the above, for the rest of your lives together.

His mouth drops on your mound and he grunts as soon as your taste fills his senses again, sending delicious vibrations to ripple through your sex just like ocean waves.

His lips enclose your clit anew so that he can suck on the little mound with all his might whilst teasing your folds with his long and slender fingers.

Your eyes shut and your mouth opens to allow soft sighs of ecstasy out of your parted lips, your body slack against the mattress as you completely give in to the pleasure firmly building within your stomach.

His digits part your dripping folds and you stir in anticipation for the feeling of his warm tongue inside of you, finally claiming what has been his for a very long time.

You bite on your bottom lip as the tip of his enticing tongue moves past your folds to gather all your juices and gulp them down.

The sound of appreciation that moves past his mouth gathers goosebumps on your skin and summons your hands on his brown locks to keep him perfectly still between your thighs.

You can feel Taehyung’s lips twisting into a smirk as you slightly roll your hips forward to meet the dragged out ministrations of his tongue, too eager to feed the raging fire inside of you to care any longer about savouring the moment. You have waited long enough.

“You taste so sweet,” he grunts as he nuzzles your clitoris with his nose, drawing a sigh out of you whilst his fingers start ghosting around your sex anew.

He looks up at you with the most tantalizing smile you have ever seen and as you get swept away by the intense look in his onyx eyes, one of his digits moves right past your external labia and intrudes your sex.

Your body tenses at the sudden sensation of being filled after such a long time and you exhale loudly as he plunges it all the way down and brushes against your pleasure spot with mind-blowing precision.

“T-there,” you whimper out, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed as you relish into the way your walls start to stretch around him, at the way your juices overflow your core and taint his hand and the white covers beneath your ass.

Taehyung slides his finger almost completely out of you and then slams it right back in as if it were his cock aiming for your cervix. The sensation is blissful and it is evident in the way you start panting for him, rocking your hips to meet the slow pace set between your folds but it is not enough.

“I want-I want to feel you,” you whimper out and Taehyung slips another finger inside your pussy in response, adding to the pressure within you to stretch you even further and prepare you for the glorious feeling of his cock rocking in and out of you.

The thought alone makes you moan out loud and lick your lips as they turn sandpaper dry in mere anticipation.

His swollen lips find the enlarged bundle of flesh hidden above your folds and they suck on it hard until you are yelping in both pleasure and pain. The sounds do not make him relent in the slightest, in fact, the scissoring inside you turns bruising whilst his tongue ravishes you whole and you are quickly turned into a whimpering, begging mess.

Your chest heaves up and down as delectation starts to coil within your stomach, turning everything scorching hot just like liquid fire coiling from your throat down to your core.

Your mind turns fuzzy as your eyes roll back at the sensation of the tip of his digits battering your core with relentless precision and as he slides a third finger in, you come undone under his touch.

“Yes, just like that baby, come for me,” he whispers, voice husky with arousal over the way your body writhes around his palm as the wave of pleasure washes over you from the tip of your head down to your curling toes.

Taehyung’s fingers slip out of you coated in your humours, shining under the orange sunlight coming through the window behind your backs.

The light filling the room caresses Taehyung’s face in a way that makes him look almost angelic with his tousled hair and shining mouth but what he has been doing between your legs is the furthest thing from it.

The smile painted across his lips though helps in creating the little illusion.

That is until he inches forward and decides to collect every last drop of your orgasm from your aching core.

You flinch at the sensation of his tongue fervently licking your sensitive skin and you whine while pulling on his hair, the over-stimulation making you dizzy.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he interjects between two deep and slow licks that gather goosebumps over your heated skin.

“Tae,” you mewl as you push yourself up on your elbows to look at him with pleading eyes.

“Yes, baby?”

“Fuck me, please.”

He smirks and you know he had been waiting for you to beg him this shamelessly all along but as his eyes start to twinkle and he palms himself before you, you can’t find it in yourself to actually be mad at him.

His member looks painfully hard, the tip all red and hungry and sticky with pre-cum as he gives himself a few pumps whilst staring at your dripping wet core, waiting for him.

His cock twitches slightly as you roll your hips for him, taunting him just enough to make him groan out loud.

His free hand comes to rest on your hip as he aligns himself with your vulva, the underside of his cock grazing your skin to gather up all of your juices and make his sink inside of you easier, slicker.

You whimper as the tip of his cock teases your swollen clit and he sighs in response, licking his lips a few times as he tries to steady himself.

With a trembling breath, he grips the base of his cock and with a slow drag, he pushes the head of his cock past your folds and inside your womanhood.

Taehyung moans at the sensation of your walls squeezing him so tightly and you follow suit, overwhelmed with the thrill of having him inside of you again after everything you have been through.

He drags his cock inside of you slowly, inch after inch and every time he goes a little deeper, he sighs at the way you madly contract around him and whimper out his name with nothing but bliss laced within your voice.

He gulps down heavily as he pushes the remaining inches of his girth inside of you, his breath trembling as the base of his cock hits your ass and he finds himself finally deeply sheathed inside of you.

The mattress dips with his full weight as he pushes his body forward and rests his hands on each side of your head, cradling your face with loving fingers as he stares right inside your eyes.

His hips rise a little and then slowly push back in, allowing you to savour the deep drug of his length within you.

His mouth is on top of yours the moment you let out a pleading call of his name and just like that, he starts to slowly rock into you.

Your hands find purchase on his muscular back, your nails dragging along the tense skin until you find the curve of his tight ass to squeeze and press against.

The muscles of his bottom cheeks are hard and tense as he smacks in and out of you, the sound of his balls hitting your ass and your ragged breaths filling the room quite quickly along with the scorching heat of those summer-like September days.

Your fingers crawl around the soft skin of his bottom cheeks, the press of your digits on his flesh making him hiss in both pleasure and pain.

Your lips attach on his neck and suck hard on the flesh, making his hips stutter as his mouth opens into a deep moan of ecstasy.

The sound makes your walls squeeze hard against his turgid cock and he is forced to close his eyes and let his head sink in the soft curve of your neck to keep thrusting forward, picking up his pace inside you.

“You feel so good, baby,” he whines as you roll your hips against his, meeting him halfway to chase your own release for the second time tonight.

“Y-yeah? Is fucking me as good as you remembered?” Your voice trembles with the strain of forming a coherent phrase and speak it out loud between the needy whimpers that still escape your parted lips, no matter how hard you try to keep it quiet.

“No,” he thrusts deeper into you and you yelp at the sensation of his twitching head striking your pleasure spot with utter precision, “It’s even better.”

You whine at his words and feel your walls contracting against him to the point it makes him hiss and curse under his breath because ‘you are so fucking tight’ and there is no chance he’ll last much longer like this.

“Come here baby,” he says, grimacing a little as his cock leaves the warmth and comfort of your delicious pussy to lie right behind you so that you have to turn your head a little to gaze into his face.

His dark brown locks are damp and slightly sticking to his forehead, sweat is slowly dripping over his face and down his alluring neck and you push yourself a little forward to catch a droplet with your mouth and savour the saltiness dripping all over his body.

Taehyung exhales loudly, his eyes fluttering shut as his cock slides right back into you with very little effort.

One of his hands reaches behind your neck to grasp your fingers and intertwine them with his own whilst his arm supports your head upwards.

The gesture is accompanied by a sweet and rather chaste kiss that warms your heart and fills your eyes with shining joy.

The boxed grin on his features turns your body into a puddle and it tugs on your heartstrings to the point it almost hurts between your ribs. How much have you missed his trademark smile, God.

Your eyes water with happiness just as he resumes his pace inside of you, aiming for both of your releases in a desperate endeavour to get lost into the bliss together.

His mouth seeks your swollen lips and you gladly concede them to him, parting them to welcome his tongue past your teeth to tease your own.

The kiss is a little sloppy, it falls on your chin and on his nose as you rock against each other, but it is heavenly nonetheless and brings you both a little bit closer to the breaking point.

You feel his hips stutter and lose the pattern as you start rotating your own a little bit, eager to feel his cock twitch again against your tight walls. His moans turn deeper, more frequent and his eyes close shut as he gets lost into the sensation and that’s how you know, he is very close.

Taehyung licks his lips and guides his free hand on your stomach and then down your core, opening his eyes again to fix them on his target: your swollen little trigger.

His digits find it with utter ease and earnestly press against the enlarged bud, drawing figures eight on it with the same speed set between your legs.

Your head falls backwards, supported only by his strong arm and your mouth opens to let out a deep, guttural moan.

“Do you like that, baby?” He asks in a panting breath as he fixes his gaze back on your face and the way it morphs with pleasure with each one of his deep thrusts.

“So mm-much, y-yes! Don’t stop, please, baby.”

Taehyung groans and roughly claims your lips anew as he fastens the rhythm of his thrusts turning it into a rather bruising one destined to make the both of you unravel between each other’s arms.

“Fuck-ffuck, uh, _______,” his voice breaks with a deep moan that sounds a lot like your name and you feel his dick twitch inside of you, his under-cock artery pulsating against your walls as he creams your sex and fills you whole.

His hips slow down a bit as he milks his orgasm to the very last drop and the sensation of being held like this, pleasured by his hand and filled with his cock and his release makes the dyke of your own orgasm burst completely open.

Your juices spill over his pretty cock and coil between your legs, nicely mixing with the white droplets of cum that have pooled out from your battered pussy.

Your breath trembles as he slowly pulls out of you, his eyes fixed on your sex, mesmerised by the sight of all the juices still oozing out from it.

With your free hand you guide his chin upwards so that you can meet his gaze and when you do, you kiss him with all the love you are capable of showing him.

“I love you, Taehyung.”

He tugs on your entwined fingers whilst caressing your face with his free hand, drawing you closer so that he can firmly hug you against his chest, unwilling to ever let you go now that you are finally one, once more.

The minutes tick by slowly in the silence of the room but you, for once, do not mind a single bit. For the first time in forever, it feels like you have the whole eternity ahead of you.

It is you that breaks the silence, though, after a long while.

“Tae?”

“Mmm,” he tilts his head a little to the side so that he can look inside your eyes as you lift your head up and rest your chin above his toned chest.

“How will we survive here?” You ask, your heart feeling a little tight between your ribs as the anxiousness you’ve been feeling for the past few months starts creeping back up now that the daze of your orgasm has completely dissipated.

“As we always did... together.”

He shows you your favourite smile again and you melt into his embrace because you are instantly convinced. Everything is going to be fine.

Copyright © 2019 by jeonggukingdom. All rights reserved.

[consilium-games]

Genresick, or: Six Ways to Heartache

As I discussed allll the way back in this post in March, I've been working busily on the supplement to Lovesick. And at very long last, it's finally, finally done:

Genresick

Go on, click on it, I worked hard on it! I'll wait!

. . .

You're back? You took a look at least? Excellent. Cause I'd like to say a few things about it here.

First, "what could have been": my initial idea was a lot more weird and high-concept. I'll probably realize it in some form later, but it entailed a bigger focus on collaboration in storytelling, and in particular, loosening up the focus on "a few main characters (PCs) in the hands of cooperating players".

Instead, it was going to or will in the future use a whole ensemble of characters that players would make, terse thumbnail sketches at first, and maneuver together and against one another, striving for one of three 'endings' to the shared story. Still centered very much on passion, internal motivations, psychological damages, and unhealthy fixation, and still both very self-aware and very determined to tell its kind of story. But that concept needs to stew more.

I've been thinking a lot lately on some of the more abstract ideas involved in storytelling: how stories about ourselves often define us, how we build ourselves out of these stories, and how dissonance between stories can feel like you've actually entered some other kind of reality, where even the laws of nature don't match what you've grown to trust as much as gravity.

Heady, nerdy stuff, in short, and I think the untitled game I didn't make--because it basically would and should be its own full game--is both a necessary step to getting where I want to work on, and still a bit beyond my reach.

Second, "what is": Genresick is a few things at once. It's a supplement obviously, a pile of toys and backdrops for Lovesick surely, but it's also a kind of reassessment. I think characters by themselves can make for a really compelling story--as long as they want things, for reasons, and do things to get them, you have a story. So people wanting relatable things to an unreasonable degree and doing dramatic things to get them seems like a perfect pitch to me!

Not so much the people who find their way to click on my downloads.

Now, I'm not defeated or even disheartened by this, so much as attentive: "hmm, that didn't work . . ." So, let's see what people make of something packaged more in the traditional trappings and tropes of Geek Culture[tm]: science fiction, unpronounceable names, airbrushed paperback covers, the kind of genre fiction set-dressing that "stories for nerds" often comes with.

Thirdly--let me dig into that a bit.

Still inflamatory after all these books

I could go dig up citations and quotations from better commentators than I, citing the operation of a kind of "low-brow chic" in the many intersecting and overlapping orbits that enclose "people who read, buy, play, and make roleplaying games". I won't though, I trust that it's not a foreign concept, but I'd like to stake out how I see it a bit, and what I think it means.

To put it really briefly and only a little reductively, science fiction and fantasy as we know them today were very strongly influenced by being relegated to the gutters of culture. Most recently as Young Adult[tm] books and over-contracted mandatory-trilogy series and hypercapitalist conventions, but prior to that, low-budget TV series, three-color comic books, and before that, B-movies and 'cult classics'. You can even see a lot of that in the earliest incarnations of Dungeons and Dragons--there's an actual robot wizard in there. An actual robot that is an actual wizard.

This influence isn't any weaker today, it's just weirder: genre mashups and "what even is genre, really" sensibilities, and the slow dissolution of previously-stable subcultural boundaries mean that the idea of a "space western" isn't a radical new thing--it's Firefly. But, what hasn't left? The genre fiction domain, and the tendency to live entirely inside it.

When a piece of Geek Culture[tm] tries to articulate itself, to position itself and give itself context, to say what it's about and what it's doing, the points of reference are always firmly inside the spheres of genre fiction, the low-budget, the literarily maligned, the 'nerdy' rather than 'intellectual'. This has to include my own work, too--RPGs as an artistic medium live more or less entirely inside the geekosphere, and I credit FROM Software in my first book--a video-game company, who made the sword-and-sorcery game that inspired Succession. Good work can come out of the genre fiction ecosystem, but . . .

But. The fact that anyone needs to point that out, even as a defensive disclaimer, is not a very healthy sign. A story set in the future exploring the possible effects of technology on society can be a true work of art--just look at Mary Shelley. But when the wealthy and lettered at some point decided that the only good stories, worth studying, involve wealthy and lettered literature professors contemplating an affair--well. Two things happened:

Firstly the academics set the standard for Good Art[tm], which you've probably seen some reaction against, say, Duchamp's 'Fountain'. But standard it remained and to a large degree remains: severe attitudes, reserved speech, refined vocabulary, abstract and sometimes even indiscernible stakes and ideas and goals, when it comes to stories and how they're conveyed. The groove carved into (white Western anglophonic) culture's psyche at large is "this is what Good Art is, and if you wish to be a Good Artist, you must aspire to this; if you cannot appreciate this Good Art, you are no artist or intellectual at all!"

Secondly they deprived the rest of us of a vocabulary, half by claiming it themselves and using it only for their kind of "Good Art", half by everyone else identifying even trying to form such a vocabulary as one of those effete ivory-tower intellectuals here only to sneer on Bad Art or even Non-Art. So weirdos like me have to travel far and dig deep to piece together analytical tools to understand how "Bad Art" stories work, what they do, how they function, what makes them work and what makes them fail.

But, as a consequence of that second thing, in Geek Culture people kept making art! But they didn't have a vocabulary for the many new concepts they kept forming and inventing independently and from scratch, and then borrowing and elaborating from one another. I think this is both why application of basic storytelling techniques like foreshadowing and mixed motivations can be so captivating for a nerd-as-a-first-language audience even when bungled: they're the same techniques refined over centuries over there in "Good Art", good techniques that work--but that don't work without adjustment. Adjustment that outsiders lack the vocabulary to discuss, and thus can't really derive for their own needs.

All this boils down to Geek Culture more often than not tending to shy away from something that looks "intellectual" unless it first looks "sci-fi" or "fantasy" or some other identifiable public forswearing of the scary ivory tower. You can see a lot of this in video-games' audience: "it's just video-games, don't put politics in my video-games, can't it just be a video-game?!" Of course it can. There will always be games for the sake of games (Chess), and songs for the sake of songs (most any pop song), and now video-games and movies just for the sake of something flashy to look at and something to do for awhile after earning a daily wage. That's not what bothers a person making that kind of complaint.

What bothers them is a lot more complicated than I have the energy left to get into, but hey, I think if I can develop and popularize and expand that vocabulary we've been denied (and denied ourselves), we can use it to make some really wicked cool things. I'm not about to tell anyone to toss out their Dragonlance and instead read Dante's Inferno--honestly, I'd have to rate them on a par if you look at the work and not at the reception. Both are fantastical fan-fiction, though Dante's is a lot meaner in spirit and departs more from the source material, though it certainly has more technical execution on its side.

Instead what I want is for us to have, as a "Geek Culture", a way to understand something like Dragonlance as thoroughly as Dante's Inferno. And we're getting there! Meanwhile, if the only way to sell people on "intense character-study and focus on relationships" is to put on a space-suit, then suit me up.

So what's up next?

Aside from stirring the new pot bubbling over on r/consilium_games, and hopefully starting some form of discourse, next is a full RPG in its own right, in keeping with my self-appointed schedule of "full game and supplement"! And since I've implicitly asked my readers and/or the RPG community at large to stretch so much in looking at Lovesick, it's only fair that I stretch myself too.

Specifically, I'm working now on a very mechanics-heavy, combat-oriented game, applying the same mechanical components I've used since Succession and especially some of the ideas in Substitute Reagents, but building them around concrete, reified, 'gamey' interactions rather than purely narrative beats and character-focused stakes.

I also intend it to dig into identity formation, structures and systems of power, how people 'cast' themselves and one another, and a few other themes very close to my heart. Come for the crunchy cinematic action, stay for the pensive meditation on selfhood!

[brycetaylorblog]

“You Speak to Me With Respect”

Dissecting privilege, for the sake of productive discourse 

Pictured: Revolutionary of the Black Panthers Movement Stokely Carmichael. 

Background: This post has been inspired by Stokely, and my friend Nadine Silva. Nadine is passionate and works hard in addressing the current position of privilege people unknowingly take when engaging in dialogues with people about their community, and the way certain dynamics effect their community this will be the premise for the analysis that follows. She is a journalist and a model striving to represent her community in a positive light, and serve as a role model for young South Asian girls globally.   

Stokely’s relevance is through his influence. Ironically Stokely’s importance and presence in today’s time is that the most intimidating thing about this man is how well spoken he was and how he articulated the thoughts and feelings of his community. He didn’t gain notoriety through wielding shotguns and AK-47s, whilst tailing police. He gained his notoriety, by making it known that America is on notice and his community refuses to be scared anymore, and will no longer take the back seat. I respect him immensely, and try to emulate the characteristics of him as an individual and as a movement.

“Our grandfathers had to run, run, run. Our generation is out of breath. We aint runnin’ no more.”

- Stokely Carmichael. 

So lets begin .....

First and foremost let it be clear that no race nor creed or colour has the authority to take the moral high ground on any issue that effects everybody. That means no race or people is more or less entitled to control any one narrative that involves all. However, that in itself is indicative of what the issue is I am about to discuss. 

Now I could sit here and explain through several paradigms how privilege operates and has transcended since that first boat left Britain, to the way our politicians engage in dialogue about issues that effect communities that are not their own. Most evidently of late, how majority of our government on both sides of politics have backpedaled in light of the recent atrocity committed in Christchurch. But that would be pointless .... Because the reason as all diverse people are aware, is that privilege and accountability to rhetoric is not about knowledge or discourse. It is about the retention of power, and hegemony. 

What is discussed, and how it is discussed comes second to the position of the conversation. But i’ll stop there......

Rather what i’m going to do, is include in an interaction I had with an individual from the US to exemplify what POC mean when they refer to privilege. Typically I don’t engage with people online who are inclined to be argumentative, but on this occasion I thought I could document this interaction, and turn it into an example of something that can be used for productive purposes.

The interactions and my commentary are as follows:

*The original post was referring to someone I follow regarding how the Christchurch attack is indicative of ‘hate winning’ *

My initial comment was long winded so I’ll keep it punchy to the part that triggered this individual: 

Myself - “They’re resorting to desperate measures, because they’re realizing that just by the virtue of being white doesn’t count for anything anymore.” 

Lets call him Fred, initiated as follows:

Fred: “Virtue of being white? Your jumbled sentence with racist tones seems to have the desired effect of the gunman’s motive.”

| Note how he included the word ‘virtue’ whilst quoting me, but his response neglected the context that word provides? Never mind that a supremacist just murdered 50 innocent people, i’m racist because I addressed White virtue signalling and the unfounded fear that these people frequently share. So therefore i’m part of the problem. Deflection is a tactic that is commonly employed, this is a fine example. | (Lets continue) ....

Me: “This is a fair point (it wasn’t) one I am happy to discuss. As an Indigenous person of Australia in particular one that has spent a large part of my childhood growing up in the same community as the gunmen many people in rural NSW have only typically been there for 3 or 4 generations. They killed a lot of people in that time. Given that it was only someone’s grand father or great grandfather who were doing the killing. It is not unreasonable to claim that someone of today’s generation such as Tarrant grew up with a similar disdain for brown people. Given the contempt these people hold for people who were already here. It is not difficult to comprehend the psychological effect that would have on someone with the disposition that ‘foreign’ people are coming to take what is ‘his’ with the supposed threats of sharia law threatening this mans status as a white man in the West. 

So to answer your comment do I think that by the virtue of being white you are inherently bad? Of course not! But given the very recent history where this man comes from, in context with today political climate it is hardly unreasonable to suggest that perhaps this man was defending his “whiteness” despite none of these people having actually threatened it.” 

Me: And if you won’t accept any of that. You can read it in his manifesto because he has literally admitted to everything I have outlined himself.

Fred: Why would I read the manifesto of a nutter?

| Note the deflection again, no attempt whatsoever to address my response to an unfounded claim that I am a racist. But if you throw around words I will hold you accountable for them. |  

 Me: Well initially your comment stated that what I said had undertones of racist sentiment based on the “virtue of being white”? This tells me you received this as me saying this is generally how how white people think and feel when it was merely a reflection of this particular individual and many like him. So from an objective standpoint despite him being a ‘nutter’ it would give you an insight as to his views, and where my original comment derived from.

Fred: Lot of words finally getting to the point. People focusing on colour do not have the ability to see things clearly. When we stop giving people little ethnic terms people will actually co-exist. You’re definitely overthinking my comment with all that unneeded info.

| Quick summary: I wouldn’t need to write a paragraph breaking it down for Fred if he took the initiative to understand what the single word ‘virtue’ meant but that is how privilege works. “I’m right I don’t need to consider anything.” 

Secondly, for anyone reading this for good intentions. This is a prime example of trying to control narratives. Because never mind hundred of years of colonial destruction and minimization. Fred has all the answers ... All we have to do is stop seeing colour! THEN the world will finally coexist. Fred knows this! Fred knows everything. Thanks Fred. | 

Me: Is it unneeded because its irrelevant? Or because you personally don’t care? I feel as though you’re trying to oversimplify a complex conversation to give yourself the higher moral ground. Which ironically plays into the whole “virtue of being white” thing that you initially disputed. I didn’t originally place you in that category, but am now starting to see why my original comment may have caused a reaction from you. 

These “little ethnic terms” you down play is quite condescending. Because to many ethnic people they represent a great deal of importance. So for you to suggest that i’m ‘overthinking it’ when 40 (now 50) people have been murdered. That is pretty arrogant of you. “A lot of words finally getting to the point” that’s condescending and exactly the type of attitude i’m talking about. You can disagree with me, but you will speak to me with respect! 

| Note* I demanded respect in this manner for two reasons. Number one is that I deserve it. Number 2 is that for the purpose of this experiment I know that when you address people of privilege accustomed to dominating discourse the fight or flight response is triggered. Typically they will either get quite defensive and resort to aggression, or they will flee. The response that comes next is telling. | 

Fred: You’re clearly disgruntled, i’ll just let you hit your keyboard. 

|Note: For someone who initiated this interaction he was pretty quick to want out as soon as he realized that though emotionally driven, I am not emotionally operating. I am more than willing to hold him accountable for not only his comments but his motives, through reasonable dialogue. He is not.

Some will say he’s just a troll others may believe he holds white supremacist views himself. Perhaps a combination of both. The lesson for us no matter who we are though is that we maintain composure and refrain from giving these people the reaction they want. But also ensure that we hold them to account for their views. Whether it be an internet troll or a politician. 

As a side note, whats also very indicative of privilege in this interaction. Is how quickly he removed himself from the conversation as it suited. People of colour don’t get to do this. Muslim women have their clothing debated in public domains, Aboriginal people have their blood percentage and pigment debated in public domains, African people have the morals of their children and their parenting debated in public domains. If you reserve the right to opt out of a conversation, my suggestion would be don’t enter one. Unless you’re willing to learn. Because sometimes, only sometimes, certain conversations aren’t about you. Unless you feel like the shoe fits. | 

My final response: I’m definitely disgruntled 40 (50) innocent people were just murdered.....

[makingscipub]

Science and poetry: Effing the ineffable

A couple of weeks ago, Phil Moriarty sent me a poem and a piece of music about (un)certainty ahead of an afternoon of science and poetry on 29 April here at the University of Nottingham.

Travelling through cultures

This made me think about science and literature, a topic of endless fascination about which countless people have written, not least the British novelist and scientist C. P. Snow, who claimed in 1959 that the humanities and the sciences were “two cultures”. This started ongoing discussions about the institutional divisions between the arts and the sciences and, also, efforts to overcome them.

Snow first wrote about ‘the two cultures’ in 1956, in an article for the New Statesman. This means that I have lived with that division all my life. For half of my life I have also been trundling forwards and backwards between two (overlapping) cultures, the British and the German one. For half of my life I have been speaking German and for the other half English. And finally, for about twenty years I have been a humanities person and for the last two decades I have become enchanted by science.

I have now got a thoroughly mingled linguistic and cultural identity, especially delighting in the work of people past and present who bring the sciences and the arts together.

Effing the ineffable

So, sitting, yet again, on a plane to Germany I thought: What do science and poetry do that make them both so exceptional that people not only think about these activities separately but also feel propelled to combine and compare them? I came to the conclusion that things are actually quite simple (they probably are not): science and poetry try to and sometimes manage to ‘eff’ the ‘ineffable’; that’s all. They make the ineffable effable.

The word ‘ineffable’ refers to something that cannot be expressed or described in language, is too great for words, transcends expression, is unspeakable, unutterable, inexpressible (see Oxford English Dictionary). While looking up ‘ineffable’, I found to my surprise that the word ‘effable’, now archaic, was used in 1668 by John Wilkins, one of the founders of the Royal Society, in his Essay towards a Real Character and a Philosophical Language. So I am in good company.

But how do scientists and artists make things ‘effable’? They do that in quite similar ways (whatever similar means here), namely by observing, thinking (which can entail hypothesising) and experimenting. Of course, experimenting might mean something quite different in science and in poetry and in various sciences and through the ages, but it’s just trying things out and seeing what works (and comparing results with existing work, genres, theories etc.). In science this process has been systematised in parts (what some call the ‘scientific method’, about which quite a few poems and even songs have been written).

Imagination and Bildung

Both in science and art, ‘effing’ relies on our imagination (Einbildungskraft), passion and enthusiasm. Imagination, not just ‘cool reason‘, makes science and art happen, in whatever shape and form, and with it culture and with that what I call Bildung, a word that resonates, at least in the German culture, with imagination (image = Bild). Both art and science ‘imagine the world’, as the title of this year’s Hay Festival proclaims.

In modern culture a huge danger looms and that is the steady erosion of the imagination and of Bildung (or, as Athene Donald wrote ‘a rounded education) in favour of a utilitarian approach to the appliance of science and and the arts for mainly monetary ends. This contradicts the ideal of Bildung favoured by Wilhelm von Humbold, one of my favourite philosophers, linguists and education experts.

Humboldt favoured an approach to education (and, one could say, public engagement with science and the arts), based on the ideal of Bildung. For him, Bildung can only flourish under conditions that allow citizens to immerse themselves in “a manifold of situations” (eine Mannigfaltigkeit der Situationen)”. This enables them “to enter freely into relationships of association and cooperation with one another, because, Humboldt argued, humans can realize their potential as individuals only in society.” Focusing on impact or, worse still, closing down humanities and social science departments threatens such flourishing, as much as it endangers science and society.

Science Rhymes

So it’s a relief to find that this week here at the University of Nottingham, citizens, be they scientists, artists or whatever could come together to explore science and poetry on the occasion of Science Rhymes. This event was organised by Gerardo Adesso who is Professor of Mathematical Physics and writes poems for the leading physics journal Physical Review Letters (see here). It was part of the Nottingham Poetry Festival. Here is some more background about how the event came about. Here are some of the acts.

There were poems on the complexity of the human body by a computational biologist, on the brain by a computational neuroscientist, a poem using AI and read by a machine (which was very weird), a poem on the Fibonacci sequence (entitled ‘Fib Fib’) and on interdisciplinarity, on supercold atoms, on quantum thermodynamics, a poem celebrating the invention and inventor of Ibuprofen. Some poems rhymed, some didn’t, some experimented with words and letters in ways that reminded me of Dadaism. The introduction and transitions between the performances were poetically delivered by Gerardo who was a lively  and enthusiastic host.

Knowledge and metaphors

This all made me think about metaphors. What struck me was that science poems are like metaphors. You can only understand them if you know stuff about or have experience of the source domain. Metaphors map ‘knowledge’ from a source domain (say, war) onto a target domain (say, illness), a process that then produces utterances like “I am still fighting off the flu”. Normally, our everyday knowledge of the world allows us to understand such metaphors. There are limits to understanding, however, which are set by knowledge shared or not between the speaker and the hearer (this becomes more extreme when one of the interlocutors knows more about something or has detailed knowledge of very different things).

I once used the following metaphor in talk I gave in Germany: “This is pop tart philosophy”. My muesli-eating audience did not ‘get’ it. They had never eaten a ‘pop tart’ (not something that I would recommend). Some told me afterwards that I should not have used the word ‘tart’….

I felt a bit like the non-pop-tart eaters when listening to some of the science poems. I got the rhymes and the rhythms, the world play and the puns, but I sometimes didn’t quite understand the whole, as I lacked detailed knowledge of, say, the Fibonacci sequence. However, poems dealing with human experience of science were more easy to decode, such as this one by Gerardo Adesso:

“Trabalho e Calor (Work & Heat): Quantum Thermodynamics is the science Of work, heat, and energy exchange At very small scales Where the laws of classical physics break down Like social inhibitions In a group of scientists with free-flowing beer […]”

This does not mean that metaphors and poems are not important. The absolutely are – and the audience with their expert knowledge enjoyed them all.

I’ll end with a quote from a great article on science and poetry by Ruth Padel, which makes one of the most important points about science and poetry: “poetry and science have more in common than revealing secrets. Both depend on metaphor, which is as crucial to scientific discovery as it is to lyric. A new metaphor is a new mapping of the world. Even maths uses metaphor; and this is where more condensed forms of poetry join in.”

Science and poetry imagine and map our worlds. They make worlds; they make us; and we make them. Poems also bring people together across the world, as expressed in this quantum love song by Phil Moriarty.

    The post Science and poetry: Effing the ineffable appeared first on Making Science Public.

via Making Science Public http://bit.ly/2IMKfv6

[cutshawsnidowoa]

Why Do Cats Lick You? 7 Things to Know

The post Why Do Cats Lick You? 7 Things to Know by JaneA Kelley appeared first on Catster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Catster.com.

Today’s weird science question covers a query that many cat parents have — Why do cats lick you? Kendraw says: “My cat is obsessed with licking me. She will tolerate pets, but what she really wants to do when she needs attention is to lick me anywhere she can get skin. [My cat] won’t lick my face, thank goodness, but my arm, elbow and hand are fair game! She will literally hold me down in her paws and clean me. And it’s not just a few licks; she gets quite thorough about it. I’ve tried bitter spray. No luck. I know it’s a sign of affection, but is there any way I can gently get her to stop?”

So, why do cats lick you? First, let’s talk about why cats lick you, and then give you some tips on how to persuade your cat that there are much more awesome options than grooming you until your skin is raw.

1. Why do cats lick you? Cats lick as a means of social bonding

Why do cats lick you? Cat licking is a way of bonding. Photography by Seregraff/Thinkstock.

The first step in answering “Why do cats lick you?” is knowing that kittens groom each other, and older cats who aren’t related but get along well also spend time grooming one another. Often, they’ll get the spots that are hard for a cat to reach by themselves, such as the top of the head and inside the ears. Exchanging scents through grooming also increases the bond between a pair of cats.

2. Why do cats lick you? When your cats lick you, they’re paying you a huge compliment

Another answer to the question, “Why do cats lick you?” Well, a tongue bath from your cat is an indication that she feels totally safe in your presence. You are truly a member of her family, and she reinforces that by cleaning you like her mother cleaned her when she was a kitten.

3. Why do cats lick you? Your cats might be licking you because of anxiety

Cat licking isn’t always a positive thing. Photography ©sjallenphotography | Thinkstock.

Sometimes, the answer to “Why do cats lick you?” isn’t so positive, though. Some cats get so stressed that they begin licking compulsively. (One mysterious condition is called feline hyperesthesia.) Cats who lick themselves bald are often trying to comfort themselves because they’re stressed. Other compulsive kitties might lick and suck on fabric, plastic or even your skin.

4. Ouch! Why does your cat licking you hurt or feel so rough?

Now that you’ve got a few answers to the question, “Why do cats lick you?” you probably have a few follow-up questions — like, “Why does it hurt when my cat licks me?” Your cat’s tongue feels like sandpaper because it’s covered with papillae — backward-facing hooks made of keratin, the same material that makes your cat’s claws. The papillae help cats rasp meat off bones, and they also assist in grooming by acting like a comb to pull out loose fur and dirt.

5. To stop your cat from licking you, distract her

Learn the signs that your cat is about to start licking. Before she starts washing your arm raw, redirect her attention with a toy. If your cat likes catnip, slip a catnip-filled kicker toy in front of her when she’s about to lick you. If she’s not a catnip fan, try a treat-dispensing toy instead.

6. De-stress your cats with interactive play

Healthy play is always good for your cat. It keeps your cat fit and trim, and it strengthens the bond between you. Not only that, but the chemicals released during exercise help your cat to relax and feel content.

Feeling stressed yourself? Try these natural, drug-free ways to combat stress >>

7. Be patient when your cats lick you

It’s not easy to retrain a cat who has gotten used to performing a habitual behavior such as licking. Remember to stay gentle and avoid yelling or intense physical reactions like shoving your cat or tossing her off your lap. And never, ever hit your cat.

Tell us: Have you been able to rehabilitate a compulsive licker? Please tell us in the comments how you did it.

Thumbnail: Photography ©Murika | Thinkstock.

This piece was originally published in 2016. 

About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer, and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their cat advice column, Paws and Effect, since 2003. JaneA dreams of making a great living out of her love for cats.

Read more about cats and science on Catster.com:

5 Remarkable Facts About Cat Nose Freckles

All About the Cat Brain — and Some Issues That Might Impact It

5 Reasons Your Cat Wakes You Up at the Same Time Every Day Without Fail

The post Why Do Cats Lick You? 7 Things to Know by JaneA Kelley appeared first on Catster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Catster.com.

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[gossipnetwork-blog]

Inside Egypt's LGBT Crackdown: One Band's Story

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Inside Egypt's LGBT Crackdown: One Band's Story

It was a beautiful night for Mashrou’ Leila. Over 35,000 concertgoers showed up to see the Lebanese band and two other Arab rock groups perform at the daylong Music Park Festival in an upscale suburb of Cairo, Egypt, late last September. During their set, spotlights glittered in carnivalesque colors and mega-screens displayed images of a woman wearing a hijab doing interpretive dance – a clip from the music video for their popular song “Roman” – as they strutted through their funky, violin-adorned, socially-engaged indie rock.

During the show, fans were photographed waving a rainbow flag – the universal symbol of gay pride – in solidarity with the group. Singer Hamed Sinno is openly gay, and the band has long been outspoken about LGBTQ issues in their music and public statements. In the days afterwards, the images circulated on social media and Egyptian TV commentators and newspapers turned it into a public scandal. The local musicians’ syndicate banned Mashrou’ Leila from playing in the country, and Egyptian authorities launched what activists and human rights observers are now saying is the worst-ever crackdown on the country’s gay community, arresting dozens on “debauchery” charges.

“The concert itself for us was just magical,” Sinno recalls to Rolling Stone with a heavy sigh. “It felt like such a loving, happy audience. It’s been really difficult, sort of hitting that high and then having it get perverted into what it is now.”

In a region where it’s rare and often risky to be open about one’s non-heteronormative sexuality or gender, Mashrou’ Leila have offered visibility for queer cultural expression. One of the most popular rock bands in the Middle East, they’ve written bold and compassionate songs that address gender and sexuality in addition to politics and other topics, and while they’ve faced online backlash, concert bans and even death threats, they’ve always stood their ground. “My life spent with rights mortgaged off to your sentiments / My history erased from our books like they were yours to claim,” Sinno sings in their song “Tayf” (“Ghost”), a solemn but defiant tribute to a Beirut gay bar that was shut down by Lebanese authorities in 2013.

But Sinno has struggled to process this painful ordeal: He wasn’t prepared for his fans to come under attack, too.

“For a couple days after, I really started to question everything we’ve been doing for the last 10 years,” Sinno says, speaking by phone from a recent tour stop in San Francisco. “A big part of what we do and why we address politics and gender and class and whatever – be that through our music and through our positions in the public eye – a big part of that is about trying to create sort of a cultural roster for people to identify with and feel emboldened by. And it felt like for a few days, we had to doubt whether we were actually doing that, or if we were just feeding the trolls.”

Mashrou’ Leila performs during the Ehdeniyat International Festival in Lebanon last August. Jamal Saidi/Reuters

Mashrou’ Leila (which means “A Night Project” in Arabic) formed in 2008 at the American University of Beirut. Over the years, the quintet has come to be associated with a handful of Arab indie bands carving out an alternative lane for young music fans, eager for fresh sounds in the wake of the 2011 Arab Spring – and the band has been making an impact. They have over 500,000 Facebook followers and their songs have gotten millions of YouTube hits. They’re currently staying in the U.S., making tour stops across the country while teaching a one-day-a-week, semester-long course on the intersection of music and politics in the Hagop Kevorkian Center for Near Eastern Studies at New York University.

The crisis in Egypt broke out right as the band arrived in the U.S. to start the course – they ended up rewriting materials for the first class, turning their situation into a case study for the NYU students.

“We thought it was sort of important for them to look at that as one situation and to see how the media that’s generated around a musical event can more often than not redefine what that musical event is,” Sinno says.

Mashrou’ Leila’s fourth album, 2015’s Ibn El Leil (Son of the Night), is a layered opus of funky bass, propulsive dance beats, orchestral arrangements and literary references. In “Tayf,” Sinno sings in a smoldering baritone, weaving a poetic call to resistance in Arabic while the rest of the band drives the message home with a chugging four-to-the-floor beat and a spare melody from violinist Haig Papazian. It’s one of many examples of the band negotiating issues of identity and politics through their immersive productions, eye-catching music videos and passionate live show.

Prior to the concert in September, the band had played many times in Egypt, receiving positive reviews from local bloggers and media outlets. But as they’ve built a huge fan base, they’ve also faced backlash. In 2016 they were barred from performing in Amman, Jordan, and this summer Jordan’s Interior Ministry cancelled yet another planned performance after members of parliament protested Sinno’s sexuality. It’s experiences like this that Sinno says make it that much more important for them to keep pushing forward.

“The amount of hate that you would be able to see on social media is a testament to how necessary it is to constantly have that conversation in the public domain,” Sinno says. “We’re talking about victimless actions between consenting adults, and this kind of hate is completely irrational. So on the one hand, that debate obviously needs to be happening. But on the other hand, it’s also really important for us and for the LGBTQ-plus community to have access to images of itself that are self-authored, that are not coming from a place of hate and condemnation, that are just about people having their lives and doing their work and surviving.”

Egypt is a conservative country with a predominantly Muslim population, but it’s also a major cultural center for the Arab world. With a population of 20.4 million people, the capital, Cairo, is home to a thriving underground scene of musicians, artists and other socially-engaged young people, and in the months following the 2011 revolution — which saw the overthrow of former president Hosni Mubarak — the LGBTQ community reportedly enjoyed a period of openness in areas like Cairo’s downtown, full of street cafes and rooftop bars.

But in 2013, Egypt’s elected leader, Mohamed Morsi, was ousted in a military coup led by current president Abdel Fattah al-Sisi. As the government secured control over the country, police began to crack down on the gay community, launching a series of raids and arrests while pro-government media outlets stoked public sex scandals.

Homosexuality isn’t illegal in Egypt, but LGBT people are typically charged under debauchery and prostitution laws. According to Dalia Abdel Hameed, gender and women’s rights officer at the Cairo-based Egyptian Initiative for Personal Rights, gay men specifically are often targeted in entrapment schemes through dating apps like Grindr. Police will set up fake profiles to lure men into dates, and then arrest them and later use pictures and messages taken from their profiles as evidence that they were “publishing online debauchery.” Sometimes individuals will also be subjected to humiliating anal examinations to supposedly determine if they’ve participated in anal sex, a practice that human rights groups condemn as torture.

Between September 19th and October 15th, Abdel Hameed says 70 individuals have been arrested in the latest crackdown – including two concertgoers who are alleged to have held up the pride flag at the Mashrou’ Leila concert. Twenty-seven have already been convicted with sentences ranging from six months to six years in prison, and seven have been acquitted or released. The two who were charged with raising the pride flag are facing more serious charges under Egypt’s national security prosecution, Abdel Hameed says.

Fans of Mashrou’ Leila show a a rainbow flag at the concert in Cairo, Egypt, last September. Benno Schwinghammer/picture-alliance/dpa/AP Images

“I can’t find a justification for this whole thing. I still don’t know what is so provocative of people waving a flag,” Abdel Hameed says. “This is not [an] ISIS flag.”

Speaking by phone from Beirut, one LGBT activist who’s been coordinating with others in Egypt – and who asked to not have his name used for fear of reprisals – says many queer people in the country have come to watch out for each other, with activists hosting workshops on how to stay safe while using apps and social media.

“People have their own circles, their own networks. People take care of each other,” he says.

Sinno says he and his bandmates first heard murmurs of something going on shortly after performing their concert at Music Park Festival. A few days later, they were en route to New York from Beirut when news of arrests started blowing up in the Egyptian media and on their Facebook page.

“By the time we got off the plane everything had sort of gone to shit,” he says. “We automatically got in touch with as many activists and reporters that we know in Egypt on the ground, and no one was able to verify anything for a few days. People didn’t know if the arrests were actually happening.”

At first the band was hesitant to comment on what’s going on, worried that it might make the situation worse, and then when it became clear that the situation was getting worse they released a statement condemning the crackdown. In recent days, the band has been touring and teaching their NYU class, while in Egypt the government’s media regulatory body has issued a statement barring local media from depicting LGBTQ people, except in cases where they “repent” for their behavior. For Sinno, all of this makes him reflect on his role as an openly gay artist making music in the Middle East and North Africa – feeling a sense of responsibility towards LGBTQ fans, while also feeling the need to be an artist and person on his own terms.

“Do I get that feeling of responsibility? Yes and no. I mean, I think it’s something that’s impossible to avoid once you’re in the public eye, right? And I acknowledge that and I try to honor that as much as I can,” Sinno says. “But at the same time it’s also something that, like, you need to figure out how to not carry it with you the whole time, because it becomes impossible to write anything the moment you feel like the rest of the world is implicated. You lose your voice the moment you start trying to speak for other people.”

“I realize completely that this has nothing actually to do with the band,” Sinno adds, his voice grave as he reflects on the situation. “This is essentially about our governments being regressive and refusing to stop taking away peoples’ rights that are their rights. This isn’t about the band at all. But it still feels like it is.”

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[extraupdate-blog]

Why I Became a WordPress Blogger

New Post has been published on https://extraupdate.com/why-i-became-a-wordpress-blogger/

Why I Became a WordPress Blogger

Until currently I actually have continually favored the unfastened Blogger program supplied with the aid of Google at blogspot.Com over different strategies of running a blog. Why? Because it is so easy to installation and use, and monetize. However, Blogger has its obstacles. The most significant of that is that you do not personal your blog so you can not promote it in case you need to. And you may want to sell it at some point if it will become treasured due to the amount of income it’s far generating. It is possible to register your very own domain call and host a Blogger weblog in this domain but I determined this technically extra complex to set up.

I have usually been reluctant to take the adventure into WordPress running a blog because in advance variations appeared so confusing in particular whilst it came to trying modifications to the setup. It is feasible to install a unfastened weblog at wordpress.Com however, as first-class I can consider, there are limits on the usage of the weblog for marketing and consequently a limit on what you could earn with it. All the weblog aficionados propose using WordPress mounted in your very own domain and now I am starting to see why.

Contrary to what I imagined, I now find it’s far quite clean to install WordPress on a registered area. One of the demanding situations seems to be to discover an appropriate topic for the weblog, one that is appealing without the colors and design is dominating. The less dominating the layout the more likely your blog traffic will see your advertising and marketing, assuming you are the usage of your blog to generate some extra cash or maybe full-time profits. By suitable, I also mean a theme that’s well optimized for the search engines and which allows easy and ultimate inclusion of advertising and marketing which includes AdSense inside the posts.

But what has subsequently satisfied me to apply WordPress with my domain names is the ready availability of unfastened plugins. Plugins are small software programs which can be without problems brought to the running a blog software program to increase the alternatives to be had. I specifically favor a loose plugin referred to as Quick-Adsense which makes embedding a variety of different types of advertising and marketing anywhere in any publish a simple remember. There also are a whole host of paid plugins that could allow such things as automobile inclusion of articles, and Amazon and Clickbank advertising.

Blogging Tips For New Bloggers

1. Be Creative! The best part about blogging is that it is absolutely you! You can explicit your self, your thoughts, and your opinions. But not simply that, the entirety of your blog represents you. Get to recognize the gear, widgets, and options you have to trade the layout, coloration, background, text. Make your blog undeniably you!

2. Change it up! Not simplest can you find a perfect format, you can alternate your appearance and themes as regularly as you like! Go with the seasons! Go with your temper! Add and trade up your pictures, song, and different factors to maintain things upbeat and exciting.

3. Try multiple blogs. You don’t have to stick to one weblog. Say you have got a blog that every one your friends and the owner family realize about, and there are positive belongings you can’t say or write about because of who would possibly read it. Or say you began this blog with a positive topic or tone so that you can not write approximately different matters because it would not suit the weblog. Well, why no longer have two? You may even use a pen name and be completely anonymous on the second blog. You may want to have a deep, intellectual weblog and a brilliant, enjoyable weblog. You ought to have a dark, moody blog and a witty, expert weblog. Who says you may most effective express one aspect of your self?

4. Blog at the side. Perhaps you’re no longer a large blogger and, although you enjoy an occasional submit, you do not have the time or energy to update very frequently. Try a social network in preference to a weblog community. Most social networks, like Facebook and MySpace, have the possibility for blogging, however, there are different activities as well. From games to easy fame updates to messaging pals, you may preserve an account without having to constantly write weblog posts. Yet, you may still get a threat to put in writing a put up wherein your friends can see it whenever you want!

5. Look around! You can continually get ideas from other seasoned bloggers. You can get a notion on what to put in writing approximately, the way to layout your blog web page, and even ask questions from pro bloggers everywhere on the Internet. Check out Technorati.Com or perform a Google Blog search to discover all forms of blogs on the Internet.

6. Stay secure! Keep in thoughts that your posts are completely open to the general public. You ought to be cautious how a great deal identification information you put up on your website. Even in case you installed small bits of records here and there, all someone could do is examine all your entries to piece together quite a few statistics about you! You are in reality loose to apply a pen call and fictional names that might supply away from your area, college or paintings call to keep away from sharing an excessive amount of private records. In many cases, this will probably be encouraged.

7. Join the community! There are many bloggers like you out there who’ve some exciting stories and posts you might be inquisitive about! From the house page of your weblog host issuer, you may regularly search for weblog with comparable subjects or pastimes. You can study and touch upon other people’s posts and join their websites to get updates once they publish once more. The greater you hook up with others, the more they’ll connect with you, study your posts, and join you!

Building a weblog is comparable to building a business. Compared to the brick and mortars, a weblog is taken into consideration a low barrier to entry task; all that is needed is a computer, huge band, annual renewal expenses in your area, and internet web hosting costs.

This low entry barrier means which you do now not have tons to lose if the business does now not paintings nicely. However, on the other aspect, the low access barrier approach that loads many other entrepreneurs will be running in the equal niche as yours and it way more competitions. In low access barrier corporations, the dedication, persistence, and perseverance inside the preliminary years are what will distinguish the long time gamers from the not critical ones.

When God created man, He never assumes him to be best. You can in no way studies sufficient and put together enough to start a mission.

If you examine, most of the learning, in reality, comes after you started out a venture. Mistakes will emerge. Glitches will show their ugly head. Only then are you capable of tweak and mind hurricane to find answers to the issues?

So in place of troubling yourself with the nitty gritty technicalities, just begin your blog. It’s the adventure that matters.

Well, I fall into this lure all the time. I remembered when I started eBay, I gave up the task in the first month. Even now when I started out running a blog, I feel low after I do not see the site visitors. Fortunately, for me, I even have a mentor and my family to cheer me on.

We ought to be organized to set an extended time frame for our blogs to take off. If you can, forget about approximately the time frame and simply construct it passionately. After all, we aren’t restricted via problems like capital and budget whilst we construct our blogs. Find yourself a small group of bloggers to exchange ideas and to cheer ourselves on.

With a solid salary every month, many would find ourselves less stimulated to keep building our blogs. After all, we’re still quite well off and God knows while our blogs will take off.

You see, an enterprise man psychology differs vastly from those of the personnel. The former strives on uncertainties in which as the latter lives on false ‘stability’. A business proprietor will take calculated chance to search for new possibilities whereby a salaried guy will sit up for the give up month for his pay test.

Reprogram your mind set. Better things wait for individuals who dared to take a risk and who persevere in what they have started out.

All religion and masters train us to be thankful for our day by day ownership. Be grateful to the ones who have lifted us up in our hour of desires.

Sadly, many people didn’t have a look at this familiar reality. Look at what number of vintage humans are deserted by their youngsters. You can not just take things without any consideration and suppose that the world owes you a dwelling. Everything works underneath the law of motive and effect. If you need to be successful, supply a thought to those who have furnished you the important equipment.

Imagine these scenarios. Your next door neighbor will be stepping into an excessive end bungalow in a fancy residential place tomorrow. Your cousin has simply bought a brand new Hummer. Your ex-university mate is now the boss of a conglomerate with 1000 personnel.

The inexperienced eyed monster in us will certainly experience green with envy and might even start to bad mouth those high achievers. Instead, people with an educated thoughts might study the fulfillment memories and find a manner to combine other humans’ fulfillment into their very own schedule.

Bear in thoughts, the lessons in which you could study from each a success character you recognize. Usually, these human beings are individuals and are simply waiting to pass on their treasured talent to the right individual with an inclined mind to return their manner.

Learn how to weblog from a success web sites like Problogger.Internet, JohnChow.Com and many extras. Now, there’s no motive to be jealous, proper??

Many humans were given crushed when they gave too much notion about whether their blogs could be successful, how properly their blogs compared to the competitors and stuffs like blog marketing, search engine optimization, area registration, solving technical system faults and more.

Life is ready tackling and getting to know from each little struggle. Break up the procedure, and let us do one issue at a time. You should check on a website these days. Research for an internet host the next day. Engage a web host in three days. Stop and relax if you are careworn. Continue with the installation of WordPress after you have got rested.

[lovnamj-blog]

The Traffic Machine Gun - Building Streams Of Free Traffic To Your Webpages

When aiming to kick off an online business, a lot of us get on a footwear string spending plan. This means the big time of paid traffic and also hefty advertisement experiments are out of grab a whole lot of beginners. So generating website web traffic (a minimum of to start out) need to primarily be from free sources. Currently that doesn't imply that you can't obtain good website traffic totally free. You can! Free targeted traffic that converts. If you know exactly what to do. I will detail 5 methods of how you can set about obtaining totally free website traffic for your business/website. I 'd also prefer to suggest that also if you are currently at a factor where you like using paid website traffic, you will certainly still find these approaches functioning well for you together with your paid sources. Anyways, just what's complimentary is fabulous (I like the * free * stuff!), so why not assert it for on your own? So, let's solve to it, will we: # 1: EMAIL SIGNATURES Okay, the easier resource initially. Currently I recognize people are going - "Oh no! Not those ...". Below's a little understanding: People utilize e-mail signatures the upside-down! That's why they backfire. I'm not speaking about e-mail you send from your auto-responder. Use this in mails that you would certainly send to a normal individual, not on your list. Every e-mail you send out is a traffic producing opportunity. Don't squander it! Individuals in the world send out as well as receive millions of emails a day using their totally free email service. Yet bear in mind, it's a traffic getting tool, not a hard selling device. Exactly what lots of people assume of when they use email signatures is a classic calligraphy of their name or message based call details as well as calling card below an email. No no no. Avoid those. Most likely to your internet site and also grab your logo. Usage that as your signature. A picture!! It's stylish as well as expert. Then after it's in your email, use it as a hyper link, i.e. a click-able email signature picture. This way, they come straight to your site from their inbox. And also it gathers focus and also inquisitiveness. I recognize that you do not want to market stuff to your mom, or make your friends really feel like you're considering their purse. So you could always eliminate a signature from an email at the click of a switch. Currently when you do send mails with your image signature in them, individuals bear in mind that image! As well as in the future if a person they know needs a service like your own, they state it. " Oh you need that. I have a good friend ... that I believe does specifically that ... well I saw in his e-mail there was something associated to it." Voila. There's your web traffic, with social proof. Trademarks will certainly function more on such social design. But they do many a times send prompt website traffic too, little by little. # 2: FORUM LINKING This is a timeless and olden approach that is proven to work. At forums connecting to your market, begin addressing questions and provide out support absolutely free. Yeah, assist others. This WILL take work but it builds trust. Then, once people start to refer to you, place a recommendation or link down at your character. They'll be wishing to look into just what you located or what it is you supply. This is also effective for SEO functions as it passes some link relevance to your website. # 3: FORUM PARTNERING This develops on online forum linking. Inside the online forums, discover people with greater rankings and also "given thanks to proportions" by looking up their profiles. This informs their level of regard as well as how numerous times their suggestions has been useful to others. Such individuals with high respect have successful businesses as their guidance originates from functioning down in the field. Contact them and construct a link. After that, take a look at their avatars and the locations they suggest. It's bound to direct to among their own services as well. So look into those businesses from your particular niche that as compare to your own and would certainly interest take a look at for people on your checklist. Now here's where PARTNERING with them is available in. Your listing is getting sick of you if you constantly bombard them with your very own site and it's web links. Yet you can not simply offer away totally free web content constantly as well as have it go waste (which is exactly what occurs a great deal of the time). So after every couple of emails, have your partner from the forum treat your listing to an unique bonus email session, as well as let them go on and also connect to their item as opposed to your very own. And also inform them to do the very same for their checklist. As in, YOU be their guest for a modification. Testing has actually revealed that these emails get greater open-up ratios as well as greater click-backs. So where previously, you were just sending free web content, you now have unique visitor content and you get to leverage fresh traffic from your companion's listing. # 4: iTunes-TRAFFIC Well that's what I call iTunes music website traffic . If there's two priceless decisions that have actually actually helped my on the internet career, it's these: > Buying a Mac > Exploiting iTunes - to the max If you're not tunes right into iTunes currently, make certain you do that once you finish reviewing this. It is THE location for the coming generation - of children, of net newbies, of BUYERS !! You can share your viewpoints and material as both free and superior info on iTunes. It's called podcasting. And as opposed to preferred misunderstandings, you can put anything in your podcast - songs, audio messages, video, pdf files, files, zip files - nearly whatever your mind intends to create - so long as it's lawful material. Exactly what's great concerning podcasts is that iTunes will automatically update people who're signed up for your podcast, unlike RSS feeds where you're entrusted to the rate of interest of the customer. iTunes develops that passion for you, many thanks to it's excellent format as well as sophisticated content distribution. I've tried even setting up gibberish on iTunes as soon as or two times and still procured some web traffic. No effort in all. # 5: SEARCH ENGINE TRAFFIC, ANYONE ?? Okay, I maintained the bomb for completion. Fighting online search engine and also trying to place well in Google is without a darkness of an uncertainty the finest kind of complimentary traffic out there. Yet, unlike exactly what much of us wish to hear, it's a pain in the butt!! It's a pain not simply for the average on-line entrepreneur, yet additionally for experienced computer system engineers and also IT geeks who're tired of Google acting like their ex-girlfriend that maintains providing them hopes and after that shatters them all at the climactic minute by issuing an unwanted upgrade. Not quite, huh? Reality be told, if you were a top quality guy who knew ways to deliver quality material from time to time, without there being so lots of spammers who mess up the ready you, Google would certainly never ever dispose you! But alas, jerks always make it difficult for the bad good guy, so till Mr. wonderful man could discover his true feeling of masculinity he's mosting likely to end up no place. Sorry ... I digress. Well below's a secret very few people are speaking about: Google recognizes streaming web page ranking. You could use that to your advantage. What I indicate is, if there's a website with a high Page Rank value (above 5), it has authority in Google's eyes. And you have to find a website that has high page ranking in addition to enables others to borrow that Public Relations. This happens when a brand-new sub-domain made on that particular internet site will certainly have the ability to share the PR (because of rel='dofollow' connecting in it's HTML code ..."dofollow" means the Google crawler does adhere to connected pages and ratings them on a comparable Public Relations value). So in other words, develop your web pages on an internet site that has dofollow connecting and enables you to create subdomains on it, or include your personal domain names on it, without needing to possess the whole website. I'll conserve you the trouble on this one. I found a place called webstarts.com, where you could construct your very own website and it'll have a webstarts subdomain if you're using it totally free. Now, webstarts has high page ranking, so your pages on webstarts will certainly squash your competition as well as struck the top of Google relatively quickly, often following a meal. now if you want to possess your pages on that particular site, it does cost a little fee, yet hey ... you could utilize the free web pages first and after that make some cash off it. then, go for the paid domain name. I hope you taken pleasure in these complimentary website web traffic generation strategies. Currently it's up to you to head out, execute them, develop your traffic, as well as earn money from all that complimentary targeted website traffic! ALL THE BEST.

[lostamongthesheeep-blog]

The Traffic Machine Gun - Building Streams Of Free Traffic To Your Webpages

When attempting to begin an online service, the majority of us get on a shoe string spending plan. This indicates the large time of paid traffic as well as hefty advertisement experiments run out grab a lot of novices. So producing web site traffic (at least to begin) should mainly be from complimentary resources. Now that does not suggest that you can not get good website traffic for cost-free. You can! Free targeted website traffic that converts. If you understand specifically what to do. I will provide 5 methods of exactly how to deal with breaking out traffic for your business/website. I 'd also want to suggest that also if you are currently at a factor where you like making use of paid website traffic, you will still locate these approaches working well for you in addition to your paid resources. Anyways, what's totally free is wonderful (I like the * complimentary * stuff!), so why not claim it for yourself? So, let's solve to it, will we: # 1: EMAIL SIGNATURES Okay, the simpler resource initially. Now I understand people are going - "Oh no! Not those ...". Here's a little insight: People make use of e-mail signatures the wrong means! That's why they backfire. I'm not speaking about email you send from your auto-responder. Use this in mails that you would certainly send out to a typical individual, not on your checklist. Every email you send out is a traffic creating opportunity. Do not squander it! People on earth send out as well as get countless emails a day utilizing their complimentary email solution. Yet bear in mind, it's a web traffic getting tool, not a difficult marketing tool. Just what lots of people think about when they make use of e-mail trademarks is a timeless calligraphy of their name or message based call details as well as calling card at the base of an email. No no no. Stay clear of those. Go to your site and also get your logo design. Usage that as your signature. A photo!! It's classy and specialist. Then after it's in your e-mail, utilize it as an active web link, i.e. a click-able e-mail signature picture. That way, they come straight to your website from their inbox. And also it gathers interest and interest. I realize that you do not wish to market things to your mom, or make your good friends feel like you're considering their wallet. So you can always remove a signature from an email at the click of a switch. Currently when you do send mails with your image signature in them, individuals keep in mind that picture! And also later if someone they know requires a solution like your own, they discuss it. " Oh you need that. I have a good friend ... who I believe does exactly that ... well I saw in his email there was something pertaining to it." Voila. There's your web traffic, with social evidence. Signatures will certainly work more on such social design. However they do sometimes send out prompt website traffic too, bit by little bit. # 2: FORUM LINKING This is a traditional and also old-time method that is confirmed to function. At forums connecting to your market, begin addressing questions and supply out aid absolutely free. Yeah, assist others. This WILL take work but it develops depend on. After that, once people begin to describe you, position a recommendation or web link down at your avatar. They'll be intending to look into just what you discovered or what it is you offer. This is also effective for SEO purposes as it passes some link relevance to your website. # 3: FORUM PARTNERING This improves online forum connecting. Inside the discussion forums, locate people with greater scores as well as "thanked ratios" by searching for their accounts. This tells their level of regard and how several times their suggestions has been useful to others. Such individuals with high regard have effective businesses as their advice originates from functioning down in the field. Contact them and develop a connection. After that, look into their characters and the places they recommend. It's bound to indicate one of their very own services also. So take a look at those companies from your niche that compare with your personal as well as would certainly be intriguing to have a look at for individuals on your listing. Currently here's where PARTNERING with them comes in. Your list is getting exhausted of you if you continuously pound them with your very own site and it's links. But you can not simply distribute cost-free content regularly as well as have it go waste (which is just what occurs a great deal of the moment). So after every couple of emails, have your companion from the online forum treat your listing to an unique perk email session, and allow them go on and connect to their product instead of your personal. As well as tell them to do the very same for their listing. As in, YOU be their guest for a change. Testing has actually revealed that these emails obtain higher open-up proportions and also higher click-backs. So where previously, you were simply sending out free web content, you now have special guest content and also you reach leverage fresh web traffic from your partner's checklist. # 4: iTunes-TRAFFIC Well that's just what I call direct iTunes traffic . If there's 2 valuable choices that have actually aided my on-line job, it's these: > Buying a Mac > Exploiting iTunes - to the max If you're not songs into iTunes already, ensure you do that once you end up reviewing this. It is THE location for the coming generation - of kids, of net newbies, of BUYERS !! You can share your point of views and web content as both totally free and also exceptional details on iTunes. It's called podcasting. And also in contrast to prominent false impressions, you can put anything in your podcast - songs, audio messages, video clip, pdf documents, records, zip documents - just about whatever your mind intends to produce - as long as it's lawful web content. What's great about podcasts is that iTunes will automatically upgrade people who're signed up for your podcast, unlike RSS feeds where you're left to the interest of the consumer. iTunes creates that passion for you, many thanks to it's superb format and also innovative web content distribution. I've attempted also installing babble on iTunes as soon as or twice and still managed to get some web traffic. No effort in any way. # 5: SEARCH ENGINE TRAFFIC, ANYONE ?? Okay, I kept the bomb for the end. Fighting internet search engine as well as trying to place well in Google lacks a darkness of a question the very best form of cost-free traffic available. However, unlike exactly what a number of us would love to hear, it's a pain in the butt!! It's a pain not just for the ordinary on the internet business owner, however additionally for experienced computer designers as well as IT geeks that're tired of Google behaving like their ex-girlfriend who keeps providing them hopes and after that shatters them all at the climactic minute by providing an undesirable upgrade. Not very, huh? Reality be told, if you were a quality sweetheart that knew ways to provide top quality material every currently as well as after that, without there being numerous spammers who spoil the ready you, Google would certainly never ever unload you! But alas, jerks constantly make it difficult for the bad good man, so up until Mr. wonderful person could find his true feeling of manliness he's mosting likely to end up nowhere. Sorry ... I digress. Well here's a secret not many people are talking regarding: Google acknowledges flowing web page rank. You could make use of that to your advantage. Exactly what I imply is, if there's a website with a high Page Rank worth (higher than 5), it has authority in Google's eyes. And also you require to find a site that has high page rank in addition to allows others to obtain that Public Relations. This occurs when a brand-new sub-domain made on that particular internet site will certainly be able to share the PR (as a result of rel='dofollow' connecting in it's HTML code ..."dofollow" means the Google robot does adhere to connected pages and scores them on a comparable Public Relations worth). So simply put, build your pages on a web site that has dofollow connecting as well as allows you to create subdomains on it, or include your personal domains on it, without having to possess the entire site. I'll conserve you the difficulty on this one. I discovered a location called webstarts.com, where you could build your very own site and it'll have a webstarts subdomain if you're utilizing it absolutely free. Currently, webstarts has high web page rank, so your pages on webstarts will squash your competitors and hit the top of Google relatively swiftly, sometimes following a dish. now if you wish to possess your web pages on that site, it does set you back a tiny fee, yet hey ... you could make use of the free pages initially and after that make some money off it. after that, opt for the paid domain. I wish you taken pleasure in these free website traffic generation strategies. Currently it's up to you to go out, implement them, build your web traffic, and also generate income from all that cost-free targeted web site web traffic! BEST OF LUCK.

[international-trauma-asses-blog1]

The Traffic Machine Gun - Building Streams Of Free Traffic To Your Webpages

When attempting to kick off an online organisation, the majority of us are on a shoe string budget. This implies the majorly of paid traffic as well as hefty ad experiments run out grab a whole lot of beginners. So creating site web traffic (a minimum of to start) must mainly be from cost-free resources. Since does not mean that you can't get great web traffic absolutely free. You can! Free targeted traffic that transforms. If you understand specifically what to do. I will provide 5 ways of how you can set about getting cost-free web traffic for your business/website. I would certainly additionally prefer to recommend that also if you are already at a point where you like using paid website traffic, you will still discover these methods functioning well for you along with your paid sources. Anyways, just what's complimentary is fabulous (I love the * complimentary * things!), so why not claim it for yourself? So, let's solve to it, shall we: # 1: EMAIL SIGNATURES Okay, the simpler source first. Currently I understand individuals are going - "Oh no! Not those ...". Right here's a little insight: People make use of email trademarks the wrong means! That's why they backfire. I'm not discussing e-mail you send out from your auto-responder. Utilize this in mails that you would certainly send to a normal person, not on your listing. Every e-mail you send out is a traffic creating opportunity. Do not lose it! People in the world send out and get millions of e-mails a day using their totally free email service. However keep in mind, it's a website traffic getting tool, not a difficult selling tool. Exactly what a lot of individuals think of when they use email signatures is a timeless calligraphy of their name or message based contact information as well as service cards below an e-mail. No no no. Avoid those. Go to your website as well as grab your logo design. Usage that as your signature. An image!! It's stylish and also specialist. Then after it's in your e-mail, utilize it as a hyper link, i.e. a click-able e-mail signature photo. This way, they come straight to your site from their inbox. And it garners interest and curiosity. I understand that you don't intend to market stuff to your mama, or make your good friends really feel like you're considering their purse. So you could constantly eliminate a trademark from an email at the click of a switch. Currently when you do send out mails with your photo trademark in them, people keep in mind that image! As well as later if a person they understand requires a solution like your own, they mention it. " Oh you require that. I have a good friend ... who I believe does precisely that ... well I saw in his email there was something associated to it." Voila. There's your website traffic, with social proof. Trademarks will function much more on such social design. However they do sometimes send prompt traffic as well, little by little. # 2: FORUM LINKING This is a timeless and age-old technique that is confirmed to function. At forums associating to your market, start addressing concerns and provide out assistance for totally free. Yeah, assist others. This WILL take work however it builds trust fund. Then, once individuals begin to describe you, put a recommendation or link down at your character. They'll be wishing to check out exactly what you discovered or what it is you supply. This is additionally effective for SEO functions as it passes some link value to your website. # 3: FORUM PARTNERING This develops on discussion forum connecting. Inside the online forums, discover individuals with higher scores and also "thanked proportions" by seeking out their accounts. This informs their level of respect as well as the number of times their advice has been handy to others. Such individuals with high regard have effective companies as their advice comes from working down in the field. Connect with them and develop a connection. Then, look into their characters and also the locations they suggest. It's bound to indicate among their very own companies also. So look into those services from your particular niche that compare with your very own and also would certainly interest take a look at for individuals on your listing. Now here's where PARTNERING with them is available in. Your list is going to obtain tired of you if you continuously pound them with your personal website as well as it's links. But you cannot simply offer away totally free material constantly and have it go waste (which is what takes place a lot of the moment). So after every couple of e-mails, have your companion from the discussion forum treat your list to a special incentive e-mail session, and let them proceed as well as web link to their product rather than your very own. And inform them to do the exact same for their listing. As in, YOU be their guest for an adjustment. Examining has revealed that these emails obtain greater open-up proportions as well as greater click-backs. So where earlier, you were simply sending free content, you currently have unique guest content and also you get to utilize fresh website traffic from your companion's list. # 4: iTunes-TRAFFIC Well that's what I call iTunes visitors . If there's 2 priceless choices that have truly aided my online occupation, it's these: > Buying a Mac > Exploiting iTunes - to the max If you're not songs right into iTunes currently, ensure you do that as soon as you finish reviewing this. It is THE place for the coming generation - of children, of net newbies, of BUYERS !! You can share your opinions and also web content as both complimentary and exceptional info on iTunes. It's called podcasting. And also in contrast to prominent mistaken beliefs, you can put anything in your podcast - music, audio messages, video, pdf files, documents, zip documents - practically whatever your mind wishes to produce - so long as it's lawful material. What's good regarding podcasts is that iTunes will immediately update people who're subscribed to your podcast, unlike RSS feeds where you're left to the passion of the consumer. iTunes creates that rate of interest for you, many thanks to it's superb format and innovative content shipment. I've tried also putting up gibberish on iTunes one or two times as well as still procured some web traffic. No initiative in any way. # 5: SEARCH ENGINE TRAFFIC, ANYONE ?? Okay, I maintained the bomb for the end. Fighting search engines and attempting to place well in Google is without a shadow of a doubt the very best kind of totally free traffic around. But, unlike exactly what many of us want to listen to, it's a discomfort in the butt!! It's a pain not just for the typical on the internet business owner, but likewise for seasoned computer system engineers and also IT geeks that're tired of Google behaving like their ex-girlfriend that maintains providing really hopes and after that shatters them all at the climactic moment by releasing an unwanted upgrade. Not rather, huh? Truth be informed, if you were a high quality boyfriend that recognized ways to supply quality content every currently as well as then, without there being a lot of spammers that ruin the ready you, Google would certainly never dump you! Yet alas, jerks constantly make it hard for the inadequate wonderful guy, so up until Mr. nice person could find his true feeling of maleness he's going to wind up nowhere. Sorry ... I digress. Well right here's a secret few individuals are speaking about: Google recognizes streaming page ranking. You could utilize that to your benefit. Exactly what I mean is, if there's a site with a high Page Rank value (higher than 5), it commands in Google's eyes. As well as you need to discover a web site that has high page rank as well as enables others to obtain that Public Relations. This happens when a brand-new sub-domain made on that particular internet site will be able to share the PR (as a result of rel='dofollow' linking in it's HTML code ..."dofollow" means the Google bot does adhere to linked pages and scores them on a comparable Public Relations value). So simply put, develop your web pages on an internet site that has dofollow linking and also allows you to produce subdomains on it, or add your own domains on it, without needing to have the entire website. I'll conserve you the difficulty on this set. I found an area called webstarts.com, where you can build your very own site and it'll have a webstarts subdomain if you're using it totally free. Currently, webstarts has high page ranking, so your pages on webstarts will crush your competition as well as hit the top of Google fairly rapidly, in some cases following a meal. currently if you desire to own your pages on that particular site, it does set you back a tiny fee, but hey ... you can utilize the totally free pages initially and also then make some loan off it. then, go for the paid domain name. I hope you taken pleasure in these free web site web traffic generation methods. Now it's up to you to head out, execute them, construct your website traffic, and also earn money from all that cost-free targeted internet site traffic! GOOD LUCK.

[frettboard2016-blog]

10 Tips for Raising Children of Character - How to Bring Up a Child?

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10 Tips for Raising Children of Character - How to Bring Up a Child?

How to bring up on your children an unbiased, self-inspired and virtually whole individual of marked individuality? Raising character a baby is a continuous and as a substitute difficult assignment. Having sons of four and 6 years vintage and a daughter of 10 years vintage, I often search for the statistics in this subject matter.

All parents and teachers recognize that it is a good deal higher to educate the kid with the aid of the example. And to start with such instance need to display the mother and father of the child. And it is not only how we treat each other as spouses, however also how we treat and communicate about different human beings outdoor the own family. Its method, if the daddy says to his son: «Wash your arms earlier than dinner», and after coming home from workplace doesn’t wash his fingers, the kid will always have a subconscious desire to copy his father in everything in spite of all the appeals. Here you could see a battle in training – the discrepancy of what you call for from the child and what he observes around him. And this discrepancy will give an impulse to false impression and resistance in future.

Of route, every own family has its personal ideas and methods of elevating their children. But it’s also thrilling to learn, what training practices exist. Not to this point in the past, I actually have determined ten hints for elevating youngsters of character and want to proportion them with you. The tips are very thrilling and simple, but we usually neglect them in our regular life. So I suggest you take note of a short precis of them.

Don’t wait that your toddler may be like you. Or such as you need. Education has to assist the kid to emerge as himself. Don’t treat the problems of your toddler with disdain: be confident, at his age the lifestyles seems to him no longer easier than yours. And every now and then it seems even more difficult. Because the child still does not get used as you do. Don’t treat the child with indignity or dishonor. Don’t demand from the child a fee for everything which you are doing for him: you gave him the life, how can he thank you? Later he’s going to supply lifestyles to some other: that is the irreversible regulation of gratitude. Don’t work off your horrific temper on the kid. Remember: as you sow, so shall you attain. Don’t torture your self if you can not do some thing for your child, but you should torture yourself, if you may do something and don’t do because of your laziness, stirring life etc. Remember: it’s far made no longer enough for the child if it’s not made everything possible. It is the predominant law of education! Love your baby no matter what: he can be ungifted, unfortunate, inpatient. While speaking with your infant, revel in the time you spend collectively, due to the fact it’s miles a holiday, that won’t final for a long term. Love a person else’s child. Treat him like your very own child. You must discipline wisely. Principles of discipline must be clean and company but no longer harsh. In end, I could say, that now not only we convey up our kids, but also they create us up instantly. If you need to make your toddler better, you should become higher your self. It is the primary postulate of training!

If you favored the following article approximately raising youngsters, be aware of the review of DaVinci Kalani Cribs [http://davincikalanicrib.Org/], there you could find advice and critiques of young couples, that have already bought a crib or a cot.

Raising Children With Choices

It’s undeniably difficult raising kids in a changing world. You need the satisfactory in your children and you want them to fulfill their capacity with every new pastime that they adopt but, in a society in which positive endeavors are nonetheless too regularly considered to be the domain of males most effective or of women only, it could take a bit of effort to create a most of possibilities for your children, whether or not they be ladies or boys.

Every baby, and for that be counted, every adult has innate aptitudes for certain matters. Some children may additionally do higher in school than others do, some excel in verbal skills, and for others, their area of expertise can be analytical capabilities or problem-solving. Mathematics and technology come more effortlessly to a few children than to others, while some are properly with their fingers. Many are curious about how machines characteristic. Some have the persistence and perseverance to stay with a complicated new task, and some do not. Certain kids have skills for drawing or for music. The opportunities and the man or woman versions are limitless.

As children grow up, what every infant becomes is a the combination of those innate aptitudes, exposure to an expansion of subjects and activities and stories, plus the person-constructing classes discovered from parents, teachers, siblings, friends, and others. One a part of the equation, without the others can also lead nowhere. A particular baby may additionally have the capacity to emerge as a top-notch musician, however, unless that the child is uncovered to a variety of musical bureaucracy or has the opportunity to look and contact musical gadgets and examine to play whichever one appeals to her or him, it may come to not anything. Another child may develop up to make contributions top notch matters to scientific technology but, unless taught fundamental biology and different sciences, that child will in no way see the medicinal drug as a possible career desire.

To permit your children to turn into the maximum that they could be, it’s up to you to manual their schooling, in terms of their alternatives, from the form of instructions to be had to them at faculty, to their afterschool activities, public library use, the joining of nearby golf equipment, and the use of different sources which are available inside your network or beyond it. You can additionally pass your personal special capabilities, the storehouse of know-how, and pastimes on your kids.

Children are little bundles of capacity. When raising your kids, try to be ever aware of this, and of the subtle sex, position stereotyping that you your self may have grown up with and the way it would have an effect on what you offer to your daughters or in your sons. As babies are women given dolls and boys given toy vehicles? Is a seven-yr-old boy signed up for Little League, at the same time as a female is offered ballet instructions?

There’s not anything incorrect with little women playing with dolls and taking dance training. Those activities are high-quality. Dolls are fun and they permit little women to vicariously experiment with and put together for actual life social interactions. Dance lessons may additionally display a destiny expert dancer or deliver your daughter the pleasure of a lifelong interest, a high-quality manner to live trim and match, or a passion for ballet tune. The hassle arises if little girls are most effective uncovered to traditional “girl” hobbies and pursuits, which include dolls and dance classes. Starting from the youngest age, give ladies the opportunity to play with toy boats and motors and trains, as nicely. Encourage participation in organized sports and, when antique enough, give your daughters technology experiment kits. Don’t restriction your children’s potentials by means of limiting their sports to conventional gender-primarily based categories.

As your daughters grow up, reveal them to as many one of a kind interests, of all types, as you could. Let them recognize how important their intellectual achievements and fulfillment in school are to you. Show them your delight of their accomplishments, but without making them sense unduly pressured. With time, their herbal proclivities, talents, and capabilities turn into greater apparent and they’ll gravitate toward sure sports, whilst losing others. In order for every to discover the career and the enjoyment time sports which are an excellent in shape for them, but, they need to have a smorgasbord of factors from which to choose. Sure, that is all just not unusual feel but, amid the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s clean to reinforce old gender roles and female/boy stereotypes with out even being consciously aware that they exist.

After formative years wealthy in opportunities and choices, a young the lady still might also ultimately choose a career that’s usually been a female-ruled one and come to be a nurse or an instructor, as an example, and this is best. Those may be awesome alternatives and they may be crucial jobs in our society. I’m now not denigrating any individual task with regards to every other process. I just feel that a desire can most effective in reality be a desire while it’s far chosen from a maximum style of opportunities. If a lady (or a boy) turns into a nurse because it is the activity that maximum appeals to him or her, it really is extremely good. If a woman grows as much as be a nurse, but, due to the fact she by no means found out that her interest in fitness care would possibly have led her to turn out to be a superb heart doctor, then this is sad and no longer a true desire.

Ii’s not just little women who may be afflicted by an unnecessarily restricted set of selections. Little boys should additionally have the opportunity to experiment with the widest feasible variety of activities and interests. If dolls can help little women practice for motherhood or for social interactions with their peers, then why can’t they help little boys discover ways to be more nurturing future fathers?

Doing their proportion of household chores can assist all children to become more accountable and cooperative adults, however, don’t routinely make girls wash the dishes whilst boys take out the garbage. Teach each sex that all family individuals percentage each within the labors of and the rewards of own family life. Both can assist with the housework, each can assist care for the new toddler and both can learn how to be liable for the care of family pets. That way, anyone wins. The international may want to do with greater men who see home tasks as something that all and sundry inside the family stocks similarly, who turn out to be equal companions within the elevating in their very own children, and who expand their interpersonal abilities, together with their muscle tissues. With that during mind, don’t limit your sons’ extracurricular activities to all things macho. Your son can be a budding Nijinsky or Fred Astaire but he, and you, will by no means understand it if he is in no way exposed to an unmarried dance step.

As with other forms of unfair obstacles on individuals’ aspirations or loss of opportunities because of the way of life, race, earnings stage, or physical handicap, as an example, gender is a terrible excuse for narrowing kid’s alternatives or setting ceilings on their desires. It’s all too easy for all of us to revert to old intercourse roles without even questioning, as a number of those are so deeply ingrained in our society, in famous lifestyle, and in the media. With a chunk of care and idea, even though, we will help the next technology construct a society where boys and girls, males, and females are all freer to discover meaning in their lives by using following their private dreams, choosing the profession track it really is proper for them, and growing pursuits that are a really perfect fit for his or her character pastimes and abilities. To try this, all they want is lots to choose from and the risk to attempt out anything interests them.