#I feel like he would try to do it terribly

[no-blastbeat-no-applause]

A little while ago I wrote a little something about that. I just finished translating it into english. Here are my thoughts:

Wimp

Thoughts on the patriarchy and why this crap sucks for men too

Queen Energy

I mindlessly let Instagram videos wash over my mind. A sketch wakes me from my pleasant torpor:

A woman dressed in a negligee talks to her husband. She orders him to have sex with her immediately. He says he is tired, he has just come home from work. He doesn't feel like it either. She is not interested. She becomes more direct and aggressive in her statements and demands. All of this culminates in her forcibly shoving a cookie into his mouth, repeating her order and expectantly marching off towards the bedroom.

The comment column is rolling with laughter, congratulates the woman and agrees with her demands. The comments reads something like:

"Her story, her rules, her empire." "Queen energy! This is the vibe we all need!" "Taking what's hers like it was always meant to be"

She should take what she needs; her husband should be a real guy and get it for his wife if and when she wants it.

So the point is: he's a wimp if he doesn't put himself and his needs first. He's not a real man because he doesn't jump when his wife is in the mood.

Let's imagine the gender roles reversed. A man comes home and tells his wife to wait for him naked in the bedroom because he wants to have sex. Regardless of her wishes and desires. Most people would find this behavior unacceptable. And rightly so.

Here though, sexual harassment is portrayed as a joke. Neither the producers nor the recipients seem to be fazed by this.

Such scenes suggest that men always have to be ready and willing. This stereotypical expectation completely ignores the fact that men are also people with boundaries who want to say "yes" or "no". However, in our society - as the comments column impressively shows - they are often denied this choice. Men are not even given the opportunity to prioritize their own wishes because their "yes" is taken for granted. If they do try to set boundaries, they are met with a lack of understanding, rejection, ridicule or even violence. This creates a burden that is subtle but always present.

The video and its comments make fun of a man whose freedom of choice over his own body has been taken away, making him yet another victim of patriarchy and toxic masculinity.

First naked and then alone in the corridor

I was 12 when my mother drove me and my ten-year-old sister to our pediatrician. Everything started as business as usual. The doctor asked us general questions, she took our blood pressure and did what doctors do.

Then something happened that I still remember vividly today. As a burgeoning teenager, I had to get naked from the wais down and lie down on a couch to be examined. My mother and sister both stayed in the room. I was embarrassed. I found it downright agonizing.

The doctor plucked at my penis for several minutes. I didn't know where to look. My face turned bright red and my hands got wet. I was suddenly terribly aware of how my kneecaps felt under my skin.

Then it was finally over.

But now it became particularly irritating: it was my sister's turn. She was facing something similar - with one important difference. I was asked to leave.

Don't get me wrong, I had no interest in participating in my sister's gynecological exam. I just wished that the same consideration had been given to me, a little boy.

My feelings were not ignored, no. No one here had even bothered to take an interest in whether I had any. I was treated with the same respect as the couch in the treatment room. The question of my dignity was about as important as that of the desk.

But that was nothing new for a 12-year-old. After all, I learned to swallow my feelings before I even started elementary school.

"Are you a man or a mouse"?

Of course I'm a man, I'm already four! I suppress every feeling that my environment deems too much or inappropriate.

I've learned that „Indians don't cry.“* Neither do boys. I'm not supposed to make such a fuss and pull myself together.

It eats into your brain. It stays. For almost 40 years and it's still there.

How my tongue got bitten

My aunt was celebrating her sixtieth birthday. The whole thing ended in her favorite pub. We danced, sang, drank and enjoyed ourselves. I chatted with old acquaintances on the edge of the dance floor.

Suddenly, a woman snuck up on me. She started to dance at me aggressively. I found it quite flattering at first. The stranger danced very closely with me, focusing only on me. She made me feel wanted.

But after a while I became uncomfortable. She took it for granted that I would return her advances. She waited for me in front of the toilet. She gave me no opportunity to move without her. She put her arms around me and kissed me on the dance floor.

I didn't want to be seen like this by my family. It was impossible to talk to my friends, my aunt was at the other end of the pub. I told the stranger that I wanted to talk to my family, but she wouldn't let go of me. I spoke to friends, but she pushed her way in.

I could have said "No!" at any time, walked away and enjoyed my evening, sure. But I have internalized the lessons of my youth: my feelings are not important and I have to make my body available, regardless of my own wishes.

I only plucked up the courage to tear myself away when the stranger bit my tongue painfully, because: I didn't kiss her the way she wanted me to.

But even then, at the end of the night, my "No, I don't want that anymore" was met with a complete lack of understanding. She was offended that I was not responding to her wishes. She had never cared about my consensus or my needs.

I was now in a similar role to the man in the sketch: my feelings were put on the back burner in order to offer a woman what she wanted at that moment.

Neither the lady in the sketch nor the stranger at the pub inquired about the wishes of the men in question. None of them asked for consensus. None of them took what they were explicitly told seriously, because they, like all of us, have internalized these toxic patterns of thought and behaviour.

As a farewell, I got a contemptuous "wimp" shouted after me.

And why all this?

I am well aware that the people who suffer most from patriarchy are, of course, those who do not appear traditionally male to society. Women, intersex and trans people, all non-cis-hetero men, should by no means be ignored here. My perspective, however, is that of a cis-het man.

We men are taught that our feelings are not important. We have to be tough and endure instead of being vulnerable and talking openly about our needs. Our bodies are common property. We learn to accept assault and laugh it off.

• The woman in the negligee wants sex? Then go ahead! No matter what the man wants.

• The boy is ashamed to be looked at naked by three women? He shouldn't behave like that!

• A stranger decides you're her plaything this night? Fuck your wishes and your family!

If we don't conform to the norms, we are wimps. We are considered unmanly. We're not real guys.

We need to recognize the harmful influence of sexism on men.

While patriarchy generally privileges men, it also subjects us to restrictive gender roles that harm us.

Even those who are considered the most powerful in the patriarchal hierarchy suffer from it.

The supposed masters turn themselves into the oppressed.

Toxic masculinity harms us and everyone around us.

Sometimes I do wonder if men actually get sexually assaulted and abused at a similar rate that women do but a lot of them just don’t know that’s what’s happening to them

[moonstruckme]

Here’s my idea for Spencer and intern!reader if you’d be so kind to write it <3 something like Spencer comforting reader after she saw/experienced something rough and is trying not to show emotion bc she thinks that’s what being on the team is

Thank you for requesting!

cw: crime scene, no descriptions but there is a body and the killing is discussed in vague terms, nausea, reader is a bau intern but also an adult

Spencer Reid x intern!reader ♡ 1.1k words

You’re all bottled up. Spencer should be listening to the police officer telling them about witnesses who discovered the victim, but you’re distracting him. You’re breathing deep and slow, intentionally, and your gaze flickers between the cop and the body like you’re not sure which deserves your attention more. Your skin looks waxy in the morning light. 

Spencer is able to step away fairly easily, leaving JJ and Morgan with the officer as he grasps your elbow to pull you with him. 

Closer, your breaths are audibly stilted. “What’s up?” you ask, sounding remarkably composed despite how your eyes are still moving between Spencer and the victim. 

He walks you away from the crowd, back towards the SUV. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” 

You say it too fast. Spencer watches you realize this, and in the same moment you know of course he has too. 

Still, he says gently, “You look like you’re going to faint. If you are, it’s better if you tell me.” 

You reach the SUV. Spencer opens the passenger side, expecting you to sit in the seat to steady yourself, but you only take refuge behind the door. Away from the eyes of the rest of the team, you close your eyes, sucking in another deep breath. 

“I’m not going to faint,” you say on the exhale. This time, with enough conviction that Spencer believes you. “I’m really sorry, I just—I feel sort of sick.” 

“That’s okay,” he murmurs. 

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine in a minute.” 

“Do you want some water?” Spencer reaches into the glove box to find an unopened bottle. “Here, drink small sips of this.” 

“I’m okay,” you say, twisting the cap off to do as he says. 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” he offers. “I know it’s not your first crime scene, but it can be disturbing, the things we see. You know, for most people, even smelling a dead body without seeing it is enough to…” He slows when he can hear his team groaning at him in his head. Spence, JJ would say, in her fond and motherly way, not helping. “...to…well, you know. It’s a lot.” 

You give a little laugh. Fortunately, you seem not to be affected by Spencer reminding you of the smell. Unfortunately, you now look closer to tears than vomiting. 

“I know we have to see this stuff all the time.” Your voice is choked down to a whisper, face pointed at the ground. Spencer finds himself leaning closer to hear you. “And I know that none of the deaths are pretty, or…or easy. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to let it affect me.” 

“That’s nothing to be sorry about. We’re all affected.” 

“But you don’t show it.” 

“We have…we have practice. But we all show it sometimes. Some cases are worse for some of us than others.” 

“I guess I just haven’t—” Your voice splinters, and Spencer’s heart does a poor mimicry of the sound. “—haven’t seen one this…intentional yet.” 

You squeeze your eyes shut as two tears streak down your cheeks. You look frustrated and afraid, and even younger than usual. Spencer has his arms around you without knowing how he got there. 

He understands what you mean. The cases you’ve worked so far have been awful in their own ways, but this killer took his time in a way the others didn’t. He left his victim mutilated, torn apart with a cold-hearted meticulousness that would be enough to horrify even the most seasoned agent. By your anguish, Spencer knows you’ve probably seen it all play out in your mind a dozen times. 

Spencer thinks of himself as an empathetic person. He’s seen some terrible things, but he still tries to meet people, especially people at his job, with compassion and kindness. It doesn’t explain why he’s so startlingly desperate to soothe you. 

He holds the back of your head and keeps you folded into him, his other hand rubbing your back as you take in a wet, shuddering inhale. 

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “It’s okay.” 

Your voice is a choked, fraught thing. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry.” 

“I want to be professional.” 

“Sweetheart” —it slips out without him meaning for it to; Spencer ploughs ahead before either of you can think about it— “you’re not being unprofessional. This is…this is what we do. It’s hard sometimes. Everyone here understands that. Everyone on our team has done what you’re doing.” 

Another short, soft laugh, followed by a sniffle. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Is that why you’re so good at this?” 

Spencer pauses. “No, I’m…well, I wouldn’t say I am good at this, actually. I’m glad you think so, though.” 

“Yeah, you are.” You straighten, wiping underneath your eyes with a knuckle. “God, everyone is going to know I cried.” 

He can’t deny that. “They won’t care,” he promises you instead. “No one will ask questions if you don’t want them to. We all get it.” 

“I knew there were some really fucked up people out there,” you say in a small voice. “I just haven’t really thought as much about the people who…” Your gaze shifts, as if drawn by a magnet, through the tinted window of the SUV and back toward the crime scene. Your expression goes haunted. “...who they…” 

Spencer puts his hand to the side of your face. It’s not like him, and your eyes widen at the contact but you let him direct your attention away. Your skin is warm and tacky against his fingertips.

“It might help to sit down for a minute,” he suggests gently. You’re pliable, allowing him to nudge you back into the passenger seat. “Drink some more, okay? Do you still feel sick?” 

You think about it, then shake your head. “Not really.” 

“Let’s wait a bit anyway.” 

You swallow some water. Worry your lip. “You shouldn't have to coddle me.” 

“It’s not coddling,” Spencer says quickly. Too quickly, maybe. Luckily, you’re not as skilled a profiler and you don’t catch him. “It’s okay to step away sometimes. They don’t need us over there right now.” 

“Yeah.” You breathe out. “Yeah, okay. Thank you, Spencer.” 

He gets called lots of things. Spencer is one of them, of course, along with Reid, Spence, Kid, Boy Genius, and sometimes even Professor. None of them sounds as heavy sweet as his name on your lips. 

“We can wait here.” He decides it as it comes out of his mouth. He’ll have to get the details of the crime scene secondhand, might even make a trip to the coroner’s later to inspect the body himself, but in this moment Spencer can’t think of anything he wouldn’t do to make you comfortable. Inconveniences are trivial. “They’ll come find us when they’re ready to go to the station.” 

You look conflicted, your dedication to the team warring with your obvious desire to avoid being near the victim again. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” Spencer’s own voice sounds distant as he tries to make sense of the unfamiliar tug in his middle. “I’m sure.”

[bookworrm1999]

How Far Away? Part 3

Caleb x Mc

Tags: unplanned pregnancy, presumed death, depression, miscommunication

Summary: Mc and Caleb fight right before he goes on a long mission into space. Caleb ends up MIA while Mc finds out she's pregnant. She struggles to deal with the grief while Caleb is fighting for his life to make it back home to her.

AO3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Stopping in the hallway, he glanced out a small port window to look at the stars rushing by.

Allowing himself a small sigh in the emptiness of the long hallway.

It had been a long few months, sabotages from plants here from the higher ups, the occasional metaflux incident causing wanderers to show, but worst of all was being away from her.

Caleb looks at his right hand, made stronger by improvements after all that damage in the explosion over a year ago now.

He could take it as a reminder of everything that had been done to him.

The experiments, being treated like a weapon, desperately trying to be cold and calculating all to take attention from the one person he wanted to keep safe.

To him though, it was his reminder of you. What he had sacrificed to keep you safe.

Maybe he should’ve just asked her to stay in his house the whole time he was away.

No, he shook his head a bit, that’s what had gotten him into trouble with her in the first place.

Caleb knew that he should just talk to her about everything.

But it helped his sanity to keep it all to himself, so she wouldn’t be burdened by all this knowledge.

He toed a dangerous line by keeping you so close.

Not that refusing to talk about his relationship with her really helped anything.

It kept him from having to be vulnerable to her though.

He was supposed to be your protector, the feeling that she would leave if she saw how weak he really was when it came to her.

It left him frozen inside, the fear and anxiety too much to bear.

Caleb made himself a promise though. He had left things on a terrible note.

The first thing he would do is apologize after seeing you again. Well after a kiss or two, maybe three.

Then finally sit down to talk.

The ship shook violently out of the blue.

Warning lights and alarms started sounding through the halls.

Caleb rushed to the command center.

“Report!”

“Sir, a wanderer has spawned in the engine room. Our anti gravity thrusters on one side have been knocked out. We’re slowly being pulled to a nearby black hole. The other thrusters are still working, which is keeping us from being pulled in completely but the wanderer is on the move.”

“Send the metaflux incident team to the engine room now, Tell them that I will meet them there.”

“Yes sir.”

Turning on his heel, his coat billowing behind him, he speeds his way to the engine room.

Opening the door, he’s met with a chitinous wanderer snarling at the assembled team.

All of them armed with firearms and specially picked for their evol abilities.

The room is trashed already, if he wasn’t fast, it could destroy life support systems and then they’d really be in trouble.

That is if the black hole looming outside didn’t crush them first.

The wanderer lunged at the team of 6 people with its front legs outstretched.

It manages to swipe one of the men’s forearms before it’s pushed back a bit by a slew of bullets.

Caleb had had enough, using his evol, he stops the wanderer in its tracks.

Doing this took more energy but he saunters over and shoots it straight into the core 2 times.

Letting it go, it slumps to the floor, spent.

Some blood splattering on him but he pays no mind as he casually wipes it off with his handkerchief.

“Salvage it.” He orders, not giving the flabbergasted team a chance to respond.

Caleb quickly left and called the engine crew to come and try to repair the thrusters.

But nothing came through.

“Report!”

Nothing.

Sensing something was gravely wrong, he storms into the command center.

A flurry of activity is happening as no one can contact anyone on the ship over coms.

“What’s the situation?”

“Colonel!”

Someone rushes over, breathing hard.

“In the chaos of you being gone, someone has sabotaged our communications relay for long range and ship wide. All of our escape pods have been ejected with the manual override in the shuttle bay and then escaped in the explorer shuttle!”

Damn it.

He brings his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he asks

“What’s our status on getting communications back up?”

“That’s the other thing sir, all of the containers of spare parts have been ejected.”

He smiles slowly to himself.

“So this was planned well in advance. They took advantage of the happenstance of me taking care of the wanderer.”

Usually he left the containment of those incidents to the metaflux team but the severity of it happening in the engine room led him to intervene.

They were truly fucked. These types of incidents needed to be reported, then help could be sent but with the communications relay out.

Unless they could magically find a way to fix the thrusters without new parts, they were going to be slowly pulled into the black hole.

Slowly crushed as all the oxygen left the environment, a slow and painful death.

Unless.

Well, they didn’t account for Caleb being a crazy bastard.

This wouldn’t be like that time at the academy when he just thought it might be ok to die after his test flight malfunctioned and sent him to deepspace.

He had to get home to you.

His evol was gravity based after all.

A black hole is a gravity well and all Caleb needed to do was create his own gravity well opposite of the black hole.

Using the remaining thrusters they had, he could slowly pull them away from the counter gravity’s influence. It would be achingly slow, grueling and exhausting.

Caleb didn’t know if the food stores would hold out or if any other systems would slowly turn off due to the existing damage.

He didn’t even know if he would last long enough to pull them out.

But he would do it to get home to her.

HER:

The camera turns on

You come into view of the camera holding a piece of photo paper.

“Hi baby! Oh I guess you should be saying that not me, haha. Anyways look!”

You hold up the small piece of photo paper, black and white with a small white blob in the middle.

“That’s our baby! Isn’t it cute? Well it looks more like a jellybean then a baby at this point but I still find it cute!”

You hold up your fingers to indicate the size, the size of a lentil.

“It’s really tiny right now, I’m only 6 weeks. I asked for a photo copy of this because I wanted something tangible. Especially for you, so that way you can keep it when you come home.”

Your head drops a bit, absentmindedly rubbing your firm stomach.

“I really miss you, it’s really hard doing this alone. I’m sick a lot right now and I lost a bit of weight before I realized what was going on.

Don’t worry though! Zayne helped me and I’m seeing an OB now. So I’m eating again.”

You point your finger towards the camera

“That does not mean that I need to be in bed rest when you get home. You hear me? This is normal for pregnancy. Well not the weight loss but the being sick.”

Sighing deeply

“I miss you so much, but I know you’ll be home in 3 months and a week. I’ve got this little bean to keep me company in the meantime. I’ll see you later Caleb.”

The camera turns off.

4 weeks pass, writing little messages to Caleb all the while.

The smell of meat cooking is horrible to me now, what am I going to do?! I want your braised chicken and pork when you come home!

My pants are getting a bit tight. I haven’t told my work that I’m pregnant yet. I’m waiting till I’m 12 weeks but my uniform pants just suck right now!

Maybe I could use a hair band?

Well my boobs are a little bigger now, you’d be happy about that. They’re super sore though so don’t even think about manhandling me!

I’m so tired all the time! It’s hard to go out and do work now. And don’t even start on my working! Pregnant women work all the time safely. Granted my work is pretty dangerous sometimes.

I just know if I tell them, they’ll put me on desk work.

I can’t do that right now, being busy keeps me sane while you’re gone.

I went to your house this weekend to grab some of your clothes. They fit so much nicer and they smell like you too.

I can just see your chest puffing out in male pride.

Yeah yeah, yuck it up.

I really wish you were here. I want to talk to you, cuddle up to you in bed and just be together.

I’m sorry we fought right before you left.

I’m sorry.

The camera turns on

“Caleb! The baby looks like a baby now! They did my ten week scan and it’s got little arms and legs now!

Oh don’t worry, I have the picture right here and a recording of the heartbeat. Ugh, sorry, my hormones just make me cry even when I’m happy.”

You wipe your eyes and display the newest ultrasound to the camera like the proud mama bear you were becoming.

A tiny white blob with little arms and legs.

“I think I can play the heartbeat off of my watch, hold on… there!”

The sound of a fast little heartbeat comes out and you start tearing up again.

“Caleb… Caleb, I wish you were here to do all of this with me.”

You sniff and dry your tears furiously, looking at the camera with a glare now.

“You better come home to me.”

The camera turns off.

3 months have passed since he left, your pregnancy is 15 weeks along now. You had been correct when you said that you’d be placed on desk duty as soon as you made your pregnancy known at work.

Xavier had goggled at you in disbelief, but Tara and everyone else were very happy for you. They wanted to ask you about the father, you could tell but they just gave you inquiring looks every now and again.

It was reaching lunch time as you finished reviewing a report someone had submitted recently.

You had been turned into the captain’s assistant somehow.

Stretching up, you noticed some unfamiliar colored uniforms out of the corner of your eyes.

Wait a minute, those are fleet uniforms! What are they doing here?

Your heart sank into the pit of your stomach.

You watched with bated breath as they caught someone, asking a question before your coworker pointed straight at you.

Oh no. Please.

Two officers walked over to your desk and asked for your name, you confirmed and they handed over a small box.

“As Colonel Caleb’s emergency contact and beneficiary, I regret to inform you that he has been reported as missing in action.”

You sit in stunned silence. They continue on.

“We can’t give too many details but a survivor of the disaster made it back a few days ago on board an escape shuttle, reporting the loss of the colonel and the rest of the crew.”

A strangled sob makes it out of your throat, you look down at the small box in your hands.

“These are the documents left behind for you, granting you access to his estate and trust. The house and everything else he owned is yours.”

You didn’t want this, you wanted Caleb.

Caleb was gone.

You slipped out of your chair, it rolling behind you as you lost all strength in your knees. Sobs coming out of you in frantic gasps.

The officers look uncomfortable as they left you with one last bit of information.

“There will be results of an investigation delivered to you at a later time, the colonels lawyers card is in the box. Good day.”

They left you there on the floor.

World shattered and a baby in your womb from a man you’d never see again.

Tags: @moonberry69 @supermyeon22 @tinnyrabbit @gavin3469 @marina27826 @crowleysthings @tabi-callico @midiplier @rosalyne08 @his-ocean-emissary

[acindra]

Dan and Phil dressed in Kuromi and My Melody themed outfits

If you'd like to see more Dan and Phil dolls, I recently made Sister Daniel and Devil!Phil from Halloween Baking Slime and Sadness Cinnamon Rolls (plus some bonus flirty pics here)

I also made dolls of My Melody and Kuromi way back in 2012.

Check out more of my creations here!

Notes under the cut

After making the Halloween Baking dolls I wanted to make more dnp dolls but had no concrete outfit ideas until I saw @danrifics 's meet and greet pics of them with Kuromi and My Melody headbands. The idea of making them in themed outfits would not leave my head so I caved and here we are.

I wanted the dolls to be a good balance of reflective and opposing of each other so they'd still look like a matching pair while being unique to their own styles, allowing for Phil's outfit to be relatively simple whilst Dan's has a lot of little embellishments. This also let Phil have a bolder light pink whilst Dan's is a very pale almost white (though both of the lighter pinks are a bit pale in the pics compared to the actual dolls, sorry about that).

Often when My Melody has head decoration she gets lop ears and I thought that'd be cute for Phil, especially because I wanted to give him a crown (give! Phil! a grape!). This is partially due to his 2024 Birthday Stream's outfit being inspiration for the doll's outfit (and a happy belated birthday to him!) in place of the cape My Melody normally has. The lop ears also reads very puppy-ish in contrast to Dan/Kuromi's kitty-ish appearance (even though both of them are rabbits).

I was originally going to give him a black heart decal where My Melody usually has a flower but it distracted from the crown so I put it on his shirt because he does like graphic tees and it gives him an additional black accessory (which was helpful because the black belt I was going to give him looked awful).

Dan has a similar heart decal in pink in place of the skull decal Kuromi normally has- I did try making the hood have the point at the top of the face but it made his curls look weird. I considered adding a pink bow as well but it looked excessive.

I had planned to give Dan fingerless gloves but they looked weird with the sleeves so instead I gave him a black bracelet opposite his earring and eventually gave Phil one on his opposing hand to match. Coincidentally those are their dominant hands.

Kuromi already has a devil tail so instead of My Melody's bunny tail I gave Phil (precious baby) angel wings. Their top half outfits are both technically removable but Dan's head is too big to actually do so. Their underwear is the other's primary colour, just for fun (though that's only visible in the wip pics)

I'm really pleased with how the hair turned out- I got Dan's fringe to listen to me this time because I used a less stiff yarn so it swoops better and Phil's got his roots visible slightly from the back. And also the only reason why Phil's doll was completed at all was thanks to @yharnamsnewslug 's suggestion I use a darker pink for the shorts instead of the same light pink as the overshirt because I definitely would've run out of yarn. I really lucked out finding the dark pink in my scrap yarn, it was just barely enough for the shorts.

I technically made these to celebrate Phil's birthday and the end of the Terrible Influence Tour but managed to finish them and take the pics just as the sun set on Feb 13 which also feels very appropriate considering all of the pink and hearts, so Happy Valentine's Day!

In honor of Valentine's Day I've included a bonus pic of them about to smooch :3

(listen it's so hard to position dolls that are weird shapes and aren't exactly stable enough to stand on their own in a kissing position i tried so hard but i only have 2 hands and i needed them both to take the picture i tried i'm sorry this is why the sister daniel and devil phil ones ended up lying down i tried i promise you i did try)

[guksfairy]

YOUNG NIGHTS AND OLD HABITS | JJK

wc: 1.9k

Happy Valentine’s Day my loves !! I wasn’t going to post today but my faves had a comeback and I got some inspiration. Enjoy !

Though the skies were dark and the only things illuminating were city buildings, the night was still somewhat young.

You and your husband had just gotten home from your annual Valentine’s day dinner. Jungkook always does his best to take you to a new restaurant every year so as to enjoy the night like it’s your first date.

Truly, it was always a magical night. You remember your very first one back when you were still only dating in college.

Jungkook was nervous to ask you to spend the day with him given that you two had only been dating for about two weeks. But Valentine’s Day was for couples and you were dating, right?

Given that you two, at the time, were broke college students who spent most of their money on essentials and food, there was little money to splurge on the day.

Jungkook did his best though. He got some of his friends to set up a table and fairy lights on a private area on campus. Even got your cousin to help out and pretend to be the waitress at a fancy restaurant.

He spent most of his money on the decorations and the food and only failed to realize he had little to no money for your gift just 2 hours before the date.

He scrambled around his dorm trying to find any change, literally anything. Namjoon walked in on Jungkook flipping his mattress over and getting excited to see a coin.

“…you okay?” Namjoon slowly closed the door and startled Jungkook for a moment before he replied.

“Hyung I’m screwed. I spent almost all my money on the lights, flowers, and food that I completely forgot to buy Y/N a gift,” Jungkook placed his mattress gently back onto the bed frame and threw himself on it.

“Woah. How’d you forget something that important,” the older chuckled and threw his backpack on the floor without a care in the world.

“Screwing up our first Valentine’s Day together isn’t what I was going for,” Jungkook huffs and Namjoon feels for him.

If he had a girlfriend and didn’t get her anything he’d probably stress too.

“What if you make her something?”

“Joon I’m shit at crafts. Remember when I had to make that 3D exoplanet system for Dr.Yoon’s class. It was basically falling apart as I walked to class with it,” Jungkook recalls placing his model next to your perfectly built one and you telling him it looked great.

He knew you were trying to make him feel better. It only made him like you more.

“So go for something simple,”

“Like?” Jungkook asks for suggestions and an idea immediately pops into Namjoon’s head.

“Do you recall back in high school when Mr.Jung would make us start our mornings writing letters to our past and future selves?” Jungkook wasn’t sure where Namjoon was going with this but he still nodded.

“Write her a love letter,”

That’s…not a terrible idea. It’s better than nothing.

Jungkook quickly scrambles from his bed, grabbing his school backpack and taking out a piece of paper and pens.

After about an entire hour of just writing and rewriting his feelings for you, he was done. He felt accomplished and a little shy. What if he was too vulnerable and you thought it was weird? What if you thought a letter was a cheap gift? What if you thought he got lazy??

The time was 7:45 and Jungkook didn’t have much time to overthink it. He folded the letter before putting it in an envelope and sealing it with clear tape.

He got dressed and received a text from his friends telling him that everything was set up and ready to go. All Jungkook had to do was pick you up from your dorm and walk to the designated spot.

With one last look in the mirror and a thumbs up from Namjoon, Jungkook grabs the letter on the desk and places it in his pocket for safe keeping.

He walked across campus to your dorm and felt like he fell in love with you all over again. You were wearing light makeup and something simple but to Jungkook, you looked so gorgeous. Jungkook was sure no other human being in the world held a candle to your beauty.

You exchanged a hug and a kiss on the cheek before walking with Jungkook as he lead you both to your little date.

You remembered how you felt seeing the scene for the first time. It was, again, simple but it was so sweet. You almost felt like tearing up.

The night was filled with tons of laughter and hand holding across the table as your cousin served entrees and main courses from the Italian restaurant off campus that you mentioned to Jungkook you loved.

Finally the night was coming to an end and now it was just the two of you. You watched Jungkook squirm around his seat for a moment before placing your hand on top of his to watch him visibly relax.

“Everything okay?”

“Uh…I have to confess something,” you hear Jungkook’s voice lower in volume but allow him to continue, “I didn’t get you a present-I know! I’m sorry it’s just that I spent so much time thinking about this date that it slipped my mind. But I made you something,” Jungkook grabbed the envelope from his pocket and placed it directly in the middle of the table.

He watched you stare at the paper for a moment and thought he fucked up. You didn’t move to grab it.

You hated it. You probably think he doesn’t even like y-

“Jungkook,” your voice just above a whisper takes him out of his insecure trance.

“You’re not going to believe this,” you reach inside your shirt and visibly into your bra before slipping out a paper of your own. Jungkook tries to ignore his flushed state as he watches you place yours on top of his.

“I wrote you a love letter,”

Soulmates. Jungkook was going to marry you. This was no coincidence. This was fate.

That night, you and Jungkook quietly read your letters in front of each other and shared your first kiss as a couple. You still remember how hard you two were smiling and simply couldn’t stop. The night was finished with love affirmations and lots of physical touches.

Similar to tonight.

You closed the curtains to you and Jungkook’s shared penthouse and watched the view of the city slowly disappear behind the cloth.

“What time is it?” You hear Jungkook walk behind you and wrap his arms around your waist.

“11:40?” You assume. It was rather late when you left the restaurant so you wouldn’t be too far off. Jungkook hums in acknowledgment and rests his chin on your shoulder, slowly closing his eyes.

He was a bit tired from tonight and you rocked him and yourself in a gentle rhythm.

“That waiter definitely had a crush on you,” Jungkook mumbled and you laughed.

“Jungkook I thought we said we’d stop talking about that kid,” you giggle as you reply thinking back to the young waiter that wouldn’t stop prioritizing you over your husband’s requests. At one point he served you wine and completely forgot about Jungkook’s glass.

“I don’t blame him though. You looked beautiful tonight,” Jungkook kissed your exposed shoulder and lets go before walking away.

“I have one more present for you honey,” Jungkook says picking through his blazer that he took off earlier.

“Jungkook. The necklace was enough,” you say touching the expensive piece of jewelry hanging around your neck.

“This might be worth more,” Jungkook finally finds it and slips it out.

It’s an envelope decorated with hand drawn hearts around and you know what it is. A tradition you’ve carried for the last 7 years. Love letters every Valentine’s Day.

He holds out the item for you to take and a smile and blush reach your face. Like second nature you reach into your bra and grab the neatly folded paper.

And like clockwork, your husband flushes up like he does every year. How cute.

You exchange letters and he holds your waist to lead you both to the living room. The environment was quiet in a peaceful and comforting manner.

You take a seat and Jungkook dims the lights a little before turning on the fire place. Finally taking the seat next to you.

You smile at each other one more time before opening your individual letters and you begin to read.

To my loving Wife and Soulmate,

Do you understand, that every single time that I see you, it feels like gravity shifts. You, my love, are the center of my universe. You’ve turned such ordinary and dull moments into supernovas of pure bliss and joy. I’m endlessly grateful for every orbit we’ve shared and will continue to share.

You’re the song that’s stuck in my head, the breath of air I didn’t know I was holding, the warmth in my favorite cup of coffee, and the reason for my happiness. You are my everything.

You are the last person that I think of before falling into sweet sleep where I dream of our life and how much better it gets by the day. Every time I hold your hand, it’s my unspoken promise to never let go. To always stay by your side.

I don’t just love you, I’m rooted in you. And I swear to choose you across every lifetime, every star, and every moment.

My sweet Y/N, I love you.

Yours, forever and always, Jeon Jungkook.

By the time you finish reading the letter you’ve already let a tear drop on the paper. Jungkook shares the same expression as he turns to face you with glossy eyes and nothing but love for you.

He grabs a hold of you and places you directly on his lap.

“Are you aware of how in love with you I am?” his question is rhetorical but you still answer it.

“I have a good idea,” you smile at your husband and lean in for a gentle and innocent kiss. Your hand placed on his shoulder. It’s adorned with your wedding ring. A memory of the happiest day of your life.

The day you became Jeon Y/N.

You recall how much your friends, who had already been married for a while, had told you that the love would fade and eventually it’s like living with a roommate.

You like to think they just didn’t marry their soulmate. Because every moment you spent with Jungkook, you spent it feeling alive and happy to be in the moment.

And you couldn’t wait to tell him the last good news of the night.

There will be a third addition to the Jeon family in nine months. Something you and Jungkook had been talking about for so long. Something you knew he was hoping for.

So when the clock hits 11:58, Jungkook is in tears, holding you with so much security.

He truly knows he won the lottery with you.

[blackleatherjacketz]

Dreams

Aaron Hotchner x BAU Female Reader

Summary: Hotch calls you out on being distracted and won't let you leave the office until he gets to the bottom of it.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Mature Content, Power Dynamics, Sex Dreams, Profiling, Daddy Issues, Praise Kink, Degradation Kink, Spanking, Finger Sucking

Word Count: 2.9k+

Read More Criminal Minds

Hotch’s stone cold gaze burns into you from behind his desk, his lips pressed into a thin fine line as he smooths his hand down the length of his tie before settling into his seat. That harsh, judgmental glare is usually directed at the unsubs he’s interrogating or even family members he thinks might be hiding something important, but tonight it’s directed solely at you.

This can’t be good.

“May I ask what this is about, sir?” You sit down in the leather chair in front of his desk, keeping your spine as straight as possible in hopes of masking your growing anxiety. He’s never asked you in here alone after your initial interview, and you always assumed that that was a good thing; staying off his radar, out of his scrutinizing gaze. But then again, he had often asked Rossi and Garcia into his chambers on a regular basis, but that was only during business hours. Had you done something so terribly wrong that it warranted him keeping you here after closing time? Were you in trouble? Did Derek actually tell him that he saw your Tinder profile and that he matched with you as a joke? Was that allowed? Was he going to fire you? Because of something as menial as that?

He nods stoically, armed to the teeth with his classic unreadable expression as he takes you out of your anxious spiral. “Your paperwork from the last case we worked on was messy, to say the least, agent.” He opens the case file and slides it across his desk toward you, pointing to a handful of your mistakes underlined in bright red ink. “This is unlike you.”

The heat of embarrassment flushes your cheeks and warms its way down your neck as you lean forward to take a look at your sloppy paperwork. They were simple mistakes that could be easily remedied, but a lot more than you would normally make in a single week, let alone all of them clustered together into one single form.

Shit. He was right, this was unlike you.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll fix this immediately. I don’t know where my head was at.” You offer instinctively, attempting to collect yourself and stand up before he quickly motions for you to sit back down.

“That’s not all, agent. You’ve been distracted these past few weeks, showing up late more than not, unable to focus or be fully present on our cases. I hired you because you’re one of the best, and I don’t feel like I’m getting that version of you lately.” His tone grew soft but remained slightly wary, like thunder rolling off in the distance before a heavy storm approached. “Do you mind telling me what’s got you so distracted?”

No.

You’d been attracted to your boss from the very first moment you saw him, but it was something you had hoped would fade away over time, not build immensely with every second you spent within his orbit. You’d been able to manage your draw to him for the first six months under his wing, burying yourself in case work and impressing him with your extensive medical knowledge, but there was something about the way he looked at you on the plane that night. It was as if he knew what you were trying to hide this whole time, as if he was delighted by the knowledge that he kept close to his chest along with everything else. There was something about that glimmer in his eye as everyone else dozed on the jet that made you believe he felt the same way, but he would only let it slip just long enough to instill a delusion in you so great that it haunted your dreams.

Dreams that left you aching for his touch, yearning for his sweat to melt into your skin as he hoarsely moaned your name before nipping at your skin. Dreams that were so vivid, you had to convince yourself that they were fake, taking inventory of what interactions had actually happened, and which had been fabricated by the melatonin in your brain. No wonder your work has gotten sloppy.

“Nothing, sir.” You lie, fearing the worst if he finds out that you have some stupid school girl crush on him.

He exhales slowly, disappointment weighing on his breath as he leans forward in his chair to silently close the file. “Whatever it is that you’re dealing with is affecting your work, and I’d be remiss to ignore it. The last time I let something like this slide, another agent’s life hung in the balance.” He paused, no doubt referring to Prentiss’ ordeal with Doyle. “Now, why don’t you try again and give me the truth?”

You’re not getting out of this, are you? He’s going to find out the truth sooner or later, no matter how hard you work to cover it up. He always does. That’s his job, for Christ’s sake. How could you have been so arrogant to think that you could keep something like this from the best profiler in the country? From your own boss? How could you think that he wouldn’t catch on to the blatantly obvious signs you’ve been so desperately trying (and failing) to hide from him for months now?

“I just…” it pained you to start. “I just haven’t been sleeping very well lately.” It wasn’t a lie, per se. Your suggestive dreams had forced you to stave off the sandman as long as possible for fear that you might say his name on the jet or in the hotel room you shared with JJ while you slept. There were no secrets amongst profilers, especially in slumber, and he was so close to finding out yours, you just couldn’t risk it.

“No? And why is that?” He raises his eyebrows as he looks you over, pushing the file to the side. “Are you having nightmares? It took Reid a few months to adjust to this job, too, but eventually the nightmares faded. We have an excellent therapist I can refer you to if that’s what you need.”

“Not nightmares, sir, no.” You knew that if you lied to him outright he’d know immediately, his trust in you lost forever. You weren’t exactly sure which fate was worse, him losing respect for you or him finding out that you have feelings for him.

This was going to be more difficult than any case you’d ever worked on.

“Then what is it?” His expression remains neutral as he stares you down, patiently awaiting your answer.

You sigh heavily as you realize you’ve run out of time and euphemisms . Here goes nothing.

“I’ve been having … dreams about someone on the team, and no matter how hard I try to ignore it, how many times I’ve tried to bury it down, these dreams, these images have stirred something inside me that I can’t quite shake.” You look down at your feet as you nearly confess the whole truth, your voice wavering the closer you come to revealing yourself.

“Someone on the team?” He repeats back to you after clearing his throat, his tone a little more husky than normal. “What kind of dreams?”

As if he didn’t already know the answer.

“Sir, I…” you stammer, unable to form your lips around the words as that infernal heat returns to your cheeks, making you feel as if you’re about to catch fire right here in his office.

“Are these dreams… sexual in nature?” You’ve heard him say that word about a thousand times before, referring to the motives and orientations of the unsubs that you chased, but this time it was different. This time it was laced with something personal, as if he had suspected it all along, but couldn’t quite bring it to your attention until he had a solid case of irrefutable evidence.

Always the profiler.

“Yes, sir.” You swallow hard as he gets closer to the truth, beads of sweat forming at your temples as you watch the puzzle pieces click into place in his mind.

“And who are they about?” He keeps his eyes on you, leaning forward ever so slightly.

“It doesn’t really matter, sir.” Another lie, your sense of self preservation still fighting for its life in the recesses of your mind.

“No?” He tilts his head with a hint of a smirk as if your answer gave him everything he needed to know. “I think that it does. I could be more cautious about who I put you with in the field until we get all this figured out, keep you two separated in the office.” He leans forward onto his elbows, eyes sparkling with a scoldingly delicious sense of judgment. “Now, I want you to tell me who you’re dreaming about, agent, and know that if you try to lie to me again I’ll know.”

Shit.

“It won’t make a difference, I have to see you every day no matter who you pair me with.” You let the truth slip out a little quicker than you expected, surprising even yourself as you prepare to be berated, fired, or worse yet, laughed at.

Only that doesn’t happen.

The silence that follows your confession is monumental, hanging in the air between you two like a cloud collecting moisture from the seemingly calm bodies of water below it, growing darker and heavier with each passing second. It weighs you down, pushing onto your chest and almost paralyzing you until he says something… anything at all to break the silence and let the rain fall from the sky to wash away this painfully awkward moment of vulnerability.

“The bureau frowns on interpersonal relationships between its team members, especially those involving an agent and her superior officer.” He spouts off the official statement the FBI has ingrained into him since he joined, his usual robotic tone returning briefly before he takes in a slow, deep breath.

“I know that, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, you just…” you start rambling in a hurried attempt to take the focus off what he had just discovered.

He raises a hand to get you to stop, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down in his throat before finally speaking again. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”

What?! What did he just say? Are you still dreaming?

“What?” You blink a few dozen times in order to reorient yourself, attempting to decipher if this interaction is, in fact, real or imagined. You dig your thumbnail into your palm just to be sure, inflicting a flash of pain into your skin to ground you in this reality. You’re definitely not dreaming.

“If that’s something you actually want.” His words pierce that heavy cloud looming between you, releasing a steady stream of rain sprinkling down as the dark gray color fades to a sheer, translucent white. “If not, you should tell me now.”

You can barely catch your breath, barely find the words to express all the emotions you’d kept under lock and key for so long.

“No, of course I do. Of course I want it, I want you.” You can’t believe that he’s actually interested in this, that he’s entertaining the idea of being romantically involved with you at all. If he had felt the same way about you this whole time, harbored these forbidden desires along with you, then his stoic nature had definitely served its purpose in keeping it close to his vest. “You’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset?” His mahogany eyes hold your gaze through thick, onyx lashes as his lips curl into a soft smirk. “Do you think I haven’t noticed all those stolen glances from across the briefing room, or how long they linger on my face and hands? That I’ve been blind to the way your pulse races whenever I touch you, or the way your breath hitches when I say your name or give you even an ounce of praise?”

Oh god, he’s good. He’s had you figured out this whole time, hasn’t he?

“How long have you known?” You finally manage to ask, straightening your spine in an attempt to regain some composure as that heat starts to spread from your neck and chest down into your core, forcing the muscles in your abdomen to clench.

“I’ve suspected it for a while now, but I had to be sure.” He leans back in his chair, that disciplinary look in his eyes replaced by something far more dangerous. “Tell me more about these dreams. What are we doing in them that keeps you so distracted?”

Your mouth falls open in surprise, your heart suddenly galloping in your chest. “Tell you… more, sir?”

“Do you call me ‘sir’ in these dreams, too?” He asks almost immediately, raising an eyebrow in eager curiosity.

The rest of the moisture that resided in that metaphorical misty cloud suddenly pours down in thunderous sheets of rain, nearly soaking you both in a layer of desire in the process. That heat inside of you is barely assuaged, though, and only continues to grow in intensity as his words taunt you to take the lead.

“Yes, sir, I do.” You respond breathlessly.

“Good girl.” He watches your face as you react to the term, as if he’s waiting for an unsub to fall into one of his traps that he’s so expertly laid before them, grinning from ear to ear when your blush only deepens.

“You’ve been profiling me,” you defend yourself as he clocks your daddy issues with little effort, trying to slow the rapid beating of your heart as you take the bait. “That’s not fair.”

He stands up from his seat and slowly walks around his desk, each step slow and deliberate until he’s standing in front of you, gently leaning his hips against his desk so that they’re now level with your eyes. “What isn’t fair, agent, is that you hid this from me when we could have done something about it months ago.” He folds his arms across his chest and looks down at you. “I don’t intend on letting you leave this office until we’ve fixed this problem, is that understood?”

“Yes.” You stare at his hips, eyeing the growing outline of what lies between them before shifting your gaze back up at his face through heavy lids.

“Good. Now, tell me more about your dreams.” He leans back just a little, the confidence of kings emanating from his newly relaxed posture. “Am I praising you or punishing you in them?”

“Punishing me.” Your stomach flips as you look down at your feet, still somehow ashamed of your subconscious desire.

“Punishing you, how?” He reaches out and grabs your chin, not allowing you to hide from the truth as he tilts your face upward, forcing you to look at him.

“I…” Your lip quivers as he squeezes your chin a little tighter, forcing that moisture to collect between your thighs as you rub them together.

“Use your words, agent,” he orders.

Goddamnit. Had he actually seen the content of your dreams, somehow? Or were you just that easy to read?

“You had me bent over your desk with my skirt up around my waist, your tie shoved in my mouth and your handprint on my cheeks,” you finally oblige him, letting your mind wander to the delicious details of your most recent dream, watching his breath hitch ever so slightly before he clears his throat.

“Did I, now?” He raises an eyebrow at your confession as he searches your face for any signs of deception. As if you would lie about any of this. “And the other times?”

“Other times?” You whisper as he lifts his thumb off your chin to brush it across your bottom lip, slightly tugging on it to view your teeth before letting it bounce back into place. You can see his pupils expanding with each passing second, those different shades of chocolate and mahogany blending together into the darkest shade of espresso you’ve ever seen. He’s looking at you the way he had in each and every one of your fantasies, only this time it isn’t some salacious trick of the mind; this time it’s real. “The other times I’m going down on you on the jet while everyone else sleeps, or you’re fingering me underneath the conference table while Garcia briefs us on a new case.”

He grins and pulls on your bottom lip again, watching in awe as he tugs it halfway down your chin, stretching it enough to smear some of your spit across your chin. “You've got quite the imagination… fantasizing about me degrading you on government property, right here in my office.”

“Mmm hmmm.” You hum as he slowly glides his thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue before you instinctively wrap your lips around it, tasting the salt of his skin for the very first time.

“Is that what you want? You want to be punished?” His voice is hoarse now, that last bit of control he has slowly evaporated away into nothingness. “Do you think you deserve it?”

“Mmm hmmm,” you repeat, sucking his thumb all the way down to the knuckle, stroking it with your tongue to show him what you can do.

“We’ll see about that.” He leans in close enough to whisper into your ear. “Now get up and bend yourself over my desk.”

[utilitycaster]

After the fireside chat, its true what you said. Matt is TERRIBLE at anticipating what his players are going to do. I wonder if this is why c3 felt like both a railroad (as he held firm to his plot) and also aimless (as he did not expect bells hells to be so incurious, anti theist, and the lack of general care for the world. I know obe example is he didnt realise Laura would try to save Imogen's mom.

what gets me is that like...it feels he expected the players to keep doing something that was consistently not rewarded. Like it's true that this was an incurious and stupid party...but the fact that they DID want to do research early on which was genuinely revealing and then they got sent to Bassuras, got lore-dumped on extensively, lost contact or access to every NPC with a decent INT score, and kept relying on their initial tie to Keyleth is like. I'm not surprised they didn't research how to approach Predathos or defeat it when the vibe was "all this information was stolen, hidden, or destroyed"! Like I think the characters' antipathy towards the gods and those who follow them remains nonsensical, especially in an ending that leaves the gods intact, but at some point you have to pick up on like. no they are not going to go to the accord and ask for access to The Forbidden Texts, or dive into Luxon lore, because why would they, when Ryn got paralyzed and their Jrusar contacts were killed and they had to flee Yios immediately after learning things and there's a ticking time bomb in the Feywild you just dropped on them? On some level it's like no wonder these characters don't give a shit about the world; it keeps getting whisked by them too quickly for them to develop any care for it let alone learn about it.

[lydiasfalling]

SWEET CREATURE !

percy jackson x aphrodite! reader

➸✧˖*°࿐ taglist : open!

˗ˋˏ warnings : use of y/n, nothing else really ˎˊ-

‧₊˚✧ lydia’s yap fest ! ✧˚₊‧

happy valentine’s day everyone! hope you guys enjoy this. could possibly make this a series if it’s liked enough. love ya!!!

walking around camp half blood at this time of year seemed to mock you. the fellow aphrodite’s kids seemed to be focused on finding a valentine. now, dot get it twisted. you wanted a valentine. bad. the only problem with this was, well, your intense and completely obvious crush on percy jackson. something about his confidence and charismatic aura drew you in and ruined you for anyone and everyone else.

there was another problem with this. percy jackson happened to be your best friend. you had tried everything to get these feelings to go away. dating other camp members, having different flings, setting percy up with other people, and tartarus, you even had people give you love potions. nothing worked. it was getting unbearable for everyone surrounding the two of you. in particular, annabeth and grover seemed the most annoyed.

the pair had also tried to help you guys understand how perfect you two would be together. however, you and him both refused any sort of insinuation of romance. it’s not that you didn’t want to be with him. quite the opposite, actually. you just didn’t see the point of wasting your friendship by risking him not feeling the same way. keeping him close as a friend was better than loosing him.

infact, you had encouraged him to ask another camp member out. this led you to your current predicament, watching him as he walked with kailey ( a girl from cabin five ). this had been his choice—he insisted she was ‘interesting enough’. you could see by the look on his face that he didn’t truly enjoy her company all that much.

“ya know, this could all be avoided if you just told him how you feel.” annabeth said from next to you, throwing a pointed look in your direction. you chose to ignore the sarcastic tone of her voice as she spoke.

“how i feel? i feel like he’s my best friend and i can’t jeopardize that. they look to be having fun.” the second sentence came out as if you were trying to convince yourself as well.

as if the universe wanted to mock you more, percy and kailey made their way over to you. annabeth looked at you, praying that you noticed the bored look on percy’s face. you gave her a look as to say ‘stop it’ before turning to shoot a smile in the direction of the approaching pair. kailey seemed to have a permanent scowl on her face while percy’s expression shifted upon seeing you. his uninterested features changed to those of contentment when your smile entered his vision.

“hey, y/n!” percy’s pace increased the closer he got to you, leaving kailey slightly behind him.

“hey, perce. kailey.” you nodded in her direction, warranting an eye-roll from the girl. “what’re you guys up to?”

“just, ya know. walking around. sat at the dock for a little bit.” percy responded. him and kailey stood an unusual distance away from eachother.

“percy, im gonna go. come fine me when you’re done with. . . this.” kailey rolled her eyes for what seemed like tenth time in the short period that she stood there. she brushed his arm slightly before turning and walking away.

“well isn’t she just a ray of sunshine.” annabeth snorted, laughing slightly.

percy agreed quickly, “she’s. . . something. that’s for sure.” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“not feeling it?” you asked. he shook his head no, moving to sit next to you. his arm quickly fell over your shoulders.

this made annabeth abruptly stand up. “well, as much as i would love so stay and chat, i have shit to do. see you two later?”

“mhm. later!” percy said.

“bye, annie!” you added. as the girl walked away, you turned in percy’s direction. “is she really that terrible?” you asked.

“she’s . . . okay, i guess. not really my type.” his arm fell from your shoulders, hand moving to hold your own instead. this was something percy had developed on the numerous quests you two had gone on together. his need for physical closeness was something that many found annoying, but you found endearing.

“oh yeah? and what might your type be classified as?” you laughed.

“oh, ya know. i like a girl who’s smart, kind, funny, caring. all the usual things. i also like a girl who sets me up on dates with other people because she doesn’t realize i’m hopelessly in love with her. that’s my ideal woman.” he shrugged as if it were nothing.

your jaw had officially found the floor. “i—i’m sorry. . . what?” you were sure you had heard him wrong.

“you know what i said, y/n.” percy’s face turned serious as he turned his entire boy towards you.

“do i? because it sounds a lot like a confession.” you tried to lighten the situation, laughing slightly before halting.

“y/n, you’re making this extremely hard for me.” percy’s face had begun to turn a shade of crimson.

“how so?” you kept a serious face, struggling not to crack a smile.

“y/n. . . i’m completely and utterly in love with you. the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you laugh again because, dam, i love that sound, the way you twirl the strand of hair by your ear when you’re nervous, the way you stick your tongue out slightly when you’re focused. i love the way that you talk about your niche interests and the way that you always put up with my bullshit. i love how deeply you care about everyone, even the people who don’t deserve it. i love the contentment in your eyes when we’re sitting at the beach. i love you because you’re you, and that’s the best person you can be.” percy didn’t once break eye contact through his speech.

it was official. this was the first time in your like that you had been rendered completely speechless. your palms became sweaty and your heart was racing. being a child of aphrodite normally meant you reacted better to love situations. this didn’t help you much now, though. instead, the only thing you could think of doing in that moment was leaning forward to connect your lips.

it wasn’t beautiful or a ‘sparks fly’ moment. it was quick and chaste, you moving away as quickly as you moved forward. once you pulled away, you looked percy in the eyes. his expression had shifted from one of fear to hunger. his hand came up, finding the back of your neck and pulling you into him again. his lips were warm and soft against yours. he tasted of sea salt and blue pancakes, a combination that only percy jackson could pull off. his free hand found it way to your waist, pulling you closer to him.

once the two of you could no longer breathe, you both pulled away at a slow pace. he kept his forehead against yours.

“gods, i have been waiting a millennia to do that.” percy laughed, kissing your cheek. his head moved from yours to the crook of your neck.

“me too, perseus.” your hand reached up, lacing itself into his hair.

“fucking finally! gods, i was starting to loose hope!” grover said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

“me too, honestly.” percy spoke, lifting his head to look at grover.

“you too?” you asked, confused.

“y/n, you’re literally the only person who didn’t know about percy’s massive crush.” grover explained.

you averted your gaze towards percy, who shrugged in confirmation. your face heated up. safe to say that you had managed to find yourself a valentine, though kailey from cabin five wasn’t too happy.

my masterlist

taglist : @lydiascabinsix @cowboylikemac @laufeysvalentine @raysmayhem-72

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

Chapter 40 SUPER ROUGH SNIPPET

disclaimer: this is in the early rough stages so a lot of things are missing! But enjoy!

“You know for someone who claimed he had no time to spare for picking up his shipments, he sure is moving leisurely now, isn’t he?” Cepheus commented as the pair watched the group of nobles and servants come to what must’ve been their fifth stop near a glowing wallflower bush.

“That’s just the way people with power work,” Asha murmured as she sighed. 

“Or people who have more scents than sense, which full offense seems to be a running trend amongst your nobles.”

“Not all of them,” Asha argued back. “Some of them were and are quite reasonable when you get to know them. It’s just the bad ones who tend to have the furthest reach…”

“I take it that he’s one of the bad ones?’ Cepheus asked.

“He’s…well…he’s never been particularly kind to me,” she confessed. “Before I met you he scolded me for suggesting that something was going on with the forest. He rushed me when I tried to tell anyone else, and he’s always had this habit of making me feel…really small.” she confessed as the nobleman in question handed Lady Camille another flower before laughing. “It’s strange seeing him be nice to anyone-,”

“Hmm”

“What? What are you thinking?”

“Nothing really other than the fact that from what you’re telling me, he may be one of the most backstabbing, two-faced, air-wasting, disgusting, self-centered, heartless, inconsiderate bastards I’ve ever heard of!” the star smiled. “I’m impressed!”

“What?! What is there to be impressed about?”

 “I mean, all in all I know some bad, even terrible people to! So that’s something coming from me!”

“Terrible?” Asha frowned. Why would a wishing star know so many terrible people? Hadn’t he said that she was his first wisher? Granted she knew that there were apparently other people in space, but still. Why was the star keeping questionable company?

It was one thing for her grandfather to keep it but for the star-

Should she even be trusting him?

No, Cepheus was her friend! He had just saved her life. If she couldn’t trust him then, who could she trust?

“Yeah, what? Don’t tell me that you haven’t come across your fair share of terrible people. In terms of terrible nobles, where would you rank this guy?”

“I…I don’t know…I..I try not to think about him, more than I have to.”

“I see…”

“Asha, can I talk to you about something?”

“What is it?”

“Earlier you asked me whether I had stories about regular people doing regular things…Did my stories make you…uncomfortable?”

“No, of course not! It’s just that…” she paused, shaking her head as she looked down. “You’re probably tired of hearing it over and over. I’m sorry.”

“No, Asha, you’ve been burying these feelings deep within you for so many years. You can’t keep doing that forever, at some point in time you have to let it out. If not for me, then at least for yourself. Please Asha, let me help you.”

He was begging now. Something that shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did.But As much as she hated to admit it, there was some truth to his words.

She bit her lip, slowly tugging at her braids as she hurriedly confessed,  “You see it’s one thing hearing those stories as myths and whatnot,” she cautiously began as she kept her eyes focused on her feet. “Because they don’t feel real, but then, it’s another to know that it’s real and that things like that can really happen…that legacies like this do and can exist and that they can result in wonderful things for some people.”

When he didn’t speak, she continued, feeling a bit braver than before as her face burned. “I know I’m being petulant. But… it’s just so hard living in a world where some people are blessed to worry about the after of achieving their dreams…when you can’t even be good enough to have them…”

“You think it’s petulant to be angry that life hasn’t dealt you a fair hand?”

She bowed her head as she brushed away a few stray tears. “No it’s just that!” she took a deep breath. “I…I know I should be stronger about it, I mean I live in a kingdom whose motto is to make impossibilities reality! And it’s true. Not a lot of kingdoms would have a prince who falls for a cook, or peasants who just so happen to be born with wonderful powers, but mine does.So, when I met with the king’s advisors turned my proposal down because the number of people like me…is statistically insignificant.”

She sniffled, as more tears seemed to escape her. “I only asked the question I did because I just hoped that being from a world of immortals, that maybe…just maybe you guys might see me differently. That me being in your world might be different, but I’m not sure.”

“What kind of legacy am I going to leave behind Cepheus? I’ve nearly died twice today! And my father…” she shook her head. “there’s nothing left for me in this world…”

“Then come to mine.”

“What?” 

“If this world never appreciated you, then maybe it never deserved you to begin with.”

“Deserved me?” she laughed as she shook her head. “Isn’t that a pretentious assumption?”

“Is assuming that everyone is entitled to basic decency a pretentious assumption?”

“Well no-,”

“I admit I don’t know anything about humans, but even I can see that what that man, your father’s supposed best friend is doing to you isn’t right.” the star quickly added as she cringed. “Do you really think if he cared for you or if that he was a good man that you’d be begging me to erase your very existence? Or you’d be saying that if you died no one would miss you? Asha that’s not right-,”

“But it’s just the way things are,” she sniffled. “In your stories and real life. No one ever cares for the little people like me.”

“I do!” he retorted. “I care for you and if you let me I could show you just how wonderful you are!”

“Wonderful,” she whispered, before looking away. “Am I really wonderful?”

“You are to me.”

She scoffed, weakly staring at the sky. “Why do you care so much for me anyway?” 

“It’s because we’re friends silly,” he smiled, repeating her words. “And this is what friends do for each other, right? They help each other out!”

“I know…” she sadly nodded, unable to understand the strange disappointment filling her at his words. She took a steadying breath, as she whispered.  “But what if I disappoint you and the other stars? Everything will be the same, just like how it is on earth and in those stories -,”

“Not this one…please, Asha. Not every story ends this way. Yours doesn’t…”So many don’t. And not many are as glamorous or as happy as everyone makes it seem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Twins have always been seen as a special things amongst stars, some even consider a blessing of sorts.. It was the reason why, when even after Betelguese had broken off his arrangement, that most of the crimson ones resented Deneb and her children for it. They thought it was an insult from fate itself.”

“Maybe they were onto something,” Asha replied. “Every time she opposed them things always worked out for her in the end so-,”

“Well yes but things weren’t that simple. You see after Rigil and Sirius had been born, Alhena had twins… Polaris and Cassiopeia but the process had been so grueling that she died shortly after they were born.”

Asha paused. There had to have been some irony interwoven into the story of an ambitious star who, when on the verge of finally ascending had only fallen victim to the circumstances she’d so desperately sought. It had been a story she’d seen and heard countless times on earth before. It was only strange to hear a star falling to it as well.

“A lot of stars suspected her death to be of foul play, as Deneb was no stranger to placing spies or even assassins within her enemy’s courts, and given how rumors of the midwife’s incompetency and strange methods ran rampant at the time, most suspected that she’d tried to kill Betelguese’s children.”

“Did she?” Asha whispered. “Would she really kill little stars like that?”

“I don’t know…I don’t think anyone ever discovered the truth…the midwife didn’t last long after that… but the repercussions were severe. Both Sirius and Rigel’s childhoods were fraught with danger…”

[sailorsoons]

Blood & Popcorn (l.c)

 Pairing: Lee Chan x f. Reader 

Summary: Fridays are reserved for watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and stuffing your face with popcorn and pizza. It’s been like that for you and Chan since your freshman year of college. But when he skips your Blood and Popcorn night for a date, things take an unexpected turn. 

Word Count: 11,315

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff

Type: Smut 

Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.

Warnings: Literally so much misunderstanding and repressed feelings, pining, light themes of jealousy, recreational drinking, recreational weed use, bad communication skills, some mild insecurities, explicit language, explicit sexual content including unprotected vaginal sex (do not do this lmaooo), nipple stim, light teasing, oral (f. receiving), clumsy/playful sex, jokes/banter while fucking. They’re both down horrendous. Joshua as an almost love interest. Jeonghan is both terrible and great at advice.Alternating POVs and some time skips. 

A/N: This was originally posted on my old blog, and is being reposted to celebrate Valentine's Day! Enjoy Chan and Bambi the way god intended.

A/N 2: Thank you to @daechwitatamic who beta read this and who this was dedicated to!   

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“So why not Blood and Pizza if pizza is always involved but popcorn isn’t?” Mingyu eyes the french fries on your plate. You give him a warning glance, pointing the sharp tines of your fork at him. He retreats, leaning against the cracked vinyl of the booth, pouting. “Also, the title sounds gross.”

“Good thing it has nothing to do with you then.” 

“Wow, you’re not even going to invite me?” 

“No,” you chirp, popping a shoestring fry into your mouth. You savor the saltiness, humming delightedly. “It’s for me and Chan. Not me, Chan and you. Plus, you know nothing about Buffy.” 

“Isn’t that a magic dragon? And are you sure you two aren’t dating?” 

The look you send Mingyu makes him hold up his hands in surrender. It isn’t the first time someone has asked if you and Chan are dating, and you know it won’t be the last. You don’t want to start down that avenue tonight, trying to navigate the questions of why and well you seem to be a good match. 

If romantic relationships were started over simply having things in common and matching a vibe, you and Chan would have started dating a long time ago. But you’re not, and you’ve already gotten over the fact that you’re not dating and that you will not start dating.

Mostly. 

The bell rings above the diner door, drawing your attention. Like he’s been manifested by Mingyu’s dangerous question, Chan spots you and lifts a hand, a smile splitting his face as he heads over. You scoot over in the booth, dragging your plate along with you to make room for him. 

Chan is dressed in jeans and a green sweater, your favorite color on him. He sits down next to you, cushioned seat dipping a little as he leans over to kiss the top of your head and steal fries off of your plate. You let him, feeling heat flush up the side of your neck as you look anywhere but Mingyu’s accusatory stare.

“These are so good,” Chan says around a mouthful of fries. “Thanks, Bambi.”

You grin at the nickname, trying not to flush too hard. 

“I wouldn’t know,” Mingyu says pointedly. You ignore him, shoving your burger in your mouth. “Apparently I’m not allowed fries or to attend your movie night.”

“Order your own fries,” Chan says. 

“Ugh. I already ate mine.”

“So order more, idiot. And of course you’re not invited to Blood and Popcorn. That’s our thing.” 

Our thing. 

The corner of your mouth twitches as you glance at Chan. He doesn’t notice, catching the eyes of the server and waving happily, giving her a broad smile. She gives him a thumbs up in return, confirming she’ll put in his usual now that he’s there. 

There are a lot of things that belong to you and Chan. Studying at the very diner you were sitting in during freshman year had been one of them, though now in your final year there’s not as much of a need to study and you’ve incorporated other friends in your late night trips for grease and calories. 

You also shared trivia nights on Tuesdays with Vernon and Seungkwan, football Sundays with Seungcheol, Mingyu and Jeonghan, once a month family dinners with everyone, and most importantly, Blood and Popcorn. 

Chan steals another fry off of your plate and you let him, leaning back in the booth. Mingyu glares daggers at you, dark eyes flicking from your plate, to you, to Chan. You grin around a mouthful of cheeseburger and he scoffs before looking away. 

Behind you, Chan’s arm stretches across the back of the booth, just barely brushing against the top of your shoulders. Your stomach flips a little, momentarily elated at the contact before you swallow it down with Sprite, pretending it wasn’t there in the first place. 

The two boys immediately fall into a conversation about their shared engineering class. You tune it out easily, a learned habit over the last four years of having to listen to Chan tell you the functions of a bridge and the best way to design one. Instead, you focus on the rise and fall of Chan’s soft voice and the way it lulls you into a state of calm. 

When the server brings over his order, he pulls his arm from over the back of the seat. Immediately you snatch one of the onion rings from his basket, popping one into your mouth and hissing as the crispy snack burns you. He shakes his head, laughing as he gives you a napkin while you sputter.

“Careful, Bambi,” he murmurs. “They’re literally steaming.” 

Mingyu reaches for an onion ring, only to be threatened with the blunt end of Chan’s steak knife. “Don’t even think about it.”

“But she-”

“Bambi has special privileges,” Chan quips. “Order yourself some more fries for the love of God. I’ll pay for them.” 

Mingyu immediately stops whining, mood improving markedly as he orders fries, wiggling in his seat happily. Chan cuts his burger in half, asking, “Why were you talking about Blood and Popcorn anyway?” 

“Shua asked Bambi out on a date,” Mingyu answers around a mouthful of fries. “She told him she couldn’t go because of Blood and Popcorn.”

Chan stops eating and looks at you, brows creasing. You feel your heart rate speed up as you kick Mingyu under the table. He yelps, knee jerking upward to slam against the underside of the table. The salt and pepper shakers rattle in place as Mingyu bends over to rub his shin. 

“He didn’t ask me out on a date.”

“He asked you to dinner!”

“As friends!”

“Oh yeah,” Mingyu snorts, rolling his eyes. “Friends take friends to fucking prime steakhouses. He asked you out on a date.” 

For a moment, silence envelops the table. You stare at your fries, watching Chan out of your periphery. He looks away from you, wiping the grease from his fingers onto the napkin. The air feels pregnant with tension suddenly, your anxiety bubbling as you open your mouth to assert once more it wasn’t a date.

Chan beats you to breaking the silence, “We can skip this Friday so you can go!”

You open and close your mouth a few times, heart dropping to your ass. “What?”

“It’s totally fine if we have to skip. I don’t mind.” 

Chan picks his burger back up, not looking at you. Heart pounding in your chest, you can’t help but watch him in total silence, trying to string together a response. Sure, maybe Chan doesn’t mind if you miss your weekly solo hangout. But you care. 

The ache of the implication cuts you suddenly, a delayed reaction. You feel your throat tighten painfully, reaching for your Sprite to try and swallow past the sudden tension. It does nothing to quell the way the casual dismissal of your tradition keeps cutting you long after he’s said the words, sawing down to the bone. 

“I wasn’t aware that we could just skip Blood and Popcorn, I guess.” 

“I mean if you’ve got a date.” 

That’s not the point, you want to scream at him. 

Chan is a lot of things. Perceptive isn’t one of them. If he had been, you know he would have sniffed out your feelings for him a long time ago. Luckily for you, he’s remained completely oblivious over the last four years of your friendship, and you like to keep it that way. Keep it safe. 

Nothing ruins a friendship more than unrequited romance. You know that from more than just the media you consume - you’ve seen more than once first hand when one friend catches feelings for the others but the desire isn’t mutual. 

It isn’t mutual here. It’s always been very clear where Chan’s interests lie, and you’re totally fine with that. You accept the relationship that you have happily and quietly, and thought moments like are a brutal reminder of where you stand, it’s alright because you also love your friendship. More than you love him - at least, you think so. 

So when Chan so easily suggests to go on a date, to cancel your thing with him to accommodate, you know it isn’t because he doesn’t care. He just thinks that you should go on a date because it doesn’t occur to him that the real reason you don’t want to is because your interests are somewhere else. That you don’t want to cancel Blood and Popcorn because it’s for the two of you and no one else. 

“Yeah,” you rasp, unsure what else to say. “Um, maybe.” 

“Shua is a good guy.” 

“Yeah. Yeah he is.” 

Mingyu and Chan go back to their conversation about class. You finish your meal in silence, leaning back against the seat as your thoughts wander listlessly. You gaze around the diner, drinking in detail as their conversation becomes background noise and you can no longer understand what they’re saying. 

Rounders Diner had been a staple in the college community long before you were born, and continues to be the center for academic life. Students fill the booths sipping on milkshakes as they cram for exams or homework, night shift workers sit at the countertop and order coffee before heading to work, and the jukebox in the corner glows neon, only offering a selection of music from the 50s. 

Behind the countertop is an open scratch kitchen, the sound of sizzling grease and yelled orders bracketing an Elvis song you know the words to but don’t know the name of. Black and white tile flooring with years worth of scuffs reflect the canned lighting in the ceiling. Over near the entrance is a wall covered in pictures of students of note throughout the years. 

You remember the first time Chan had hauled you to Rounders. It was the first day you’d met, two freshmen absolutely terrified of the world after experiencing two back to back intro courses together. The dining hall was on the opposite side of campus from your classes, but Chan had insisted there was a diner just off the corner that everyone said was a necessary experience. 

He was the first real friend you made. Your roommates had become your best friends too, Lorna and Mai splashed across almost every memory you have of college. But that first day is only colored with Chan, who had slid into the seat across from you and looked around the diner with a bright grin like he was suddenly at home. 

Wanna start coming here after class? 

You did. And you had. 

A hand waves in front of your face, making you blink several times before Chan’s face swims into focus. Your thoughts are a little delayed as you drink him in: dark hair framing dark, angular eyes that turn molten brown when the sun hits them just right, a jawline that has turned sharper as he’s aged, though his cheeks still have a youthful softness that you adore, and a grin that makes the world dim. 

“What?” you ask him, totally at a loss for words. 

He laughs and you feel the corners of your lips turn upward, an automatic response to his mirth. “I asked if you were ready to go.” 

You look up to see Mingyu at the register, passing over the bill and a card. “I think I spaced out. I thought you were buying him fries?”

He snorts. “Never fear, it’s my card. Everything okay?” 

You hesitate. Not for the first time, the urge to spill your guts to him grips you so forcefully that you almost do right in the middle of Rounders. Almost tell him everything from start to finish, the feelings, the reason you don’t want to date Joshua, how beautiful you think Chan is-

Mingyu starts heading back and you force a grin on your face, bumping his shoulder with yours. “Of course. A little tired, though. Thanks for dinner.” 

“You know I’ve got you.” He gets up from the booth and holds his hand out to you. “Always.” 

-

Chan is the stupidest fucking person he knows. He lets out a loud scream into the warmth of his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut as he lays face down in his bed. His arms are shoved under the pillow, fisting in his sheets as the long-winded scream finally begins to die out. 

“Yes, that is healthy,” Seungkwan calls from Chan’s desk against the window. “Let the pillow know everything that you’re feeling.” 

Scowling, Chan lifts his head up and looks over his shoulder at where Seungkwan is sitting. His roommate is hunched over Chan’s laptop, a document open on the screen as he clicks around rapidly, cursing under his breath. 

“Why are you in here again?”

“My literature professor is a dinosaur,” Seungkwan answers. “And only accepts printed essay submissions.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“No, I mean you don’t have your own printer?” 

“No, and I will not be paying thirty cents a paper for an essay that is almost thirty pages long.” 

“That’s like, nine dollars dude. Also, why is your essay thirty pages long?”

“Ask the dude who wrote Beowulf.” 

“Isn’t that like… a movie?” 

Seungkwan mutters something under his breath. The printer chimes, followed by a mechanic whirring as the paper feeds into the machine and starts printing. Spinning in the chair, Seungkwan looks at where Chan is still laying stomach down, face squished against his pillow as he cradles it. 

“Speaking of movies - are you having Blood and Popcorn here or at Bambi’s?” 

Chan can’t help but smirk at the nickname. It had stuck ever since your freshman year when you’d called Rin Hartford a bambi-eyed bitch for saying nasty things to Mingyu. He thinks that night might be the night he realized he was absolutely head over heels for you, even if he had only known you for two weeks then. 

Despite your quiet disposition, you’ve always been the epitome of bravery. He can’t recall a time that you haven’t said what you meant or meant what you said, and defending your friends and speaking up has always been paramount to you. 

For someone like Chan who was often the youngest and the softest spoken in any group he was in, you were a breath of fresh air. And you’ve taught him to speak up for himself, letting him grow comfortable pushing back with people - especially his friends - and how to give back what he gets. 

Corrupted, Seungcheol joked once. She corrupted him and taught him how to bully us back. 

“I’m not really sure,” Chan says slowly, thinking about your conversation at the diner, the exact source of his pillow-scream. “We might not be doing it.”

“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?”

“There is no paradise. We’re just friends.” 

“That’s the trouble I’m talking about, brother.” Seungkwan turns around to start collecting the pages out of the printer. “Is the Blood and Popcorn cancellation the reason for your pillow screaming?” 

“I don’t know that it’s canceled.” 

“That really clarifies the issue.”

Chan scowls. “Did you know Shua was into her?” 

“Uh, yeah.”

“He asked her on a date.”

“Joshua must have got tired of waiting for you to make a move on Bambi. I guess he decided you weren’t going to.” 

Chan frowns and sits up. He didn’t realize Joshua remotely had a thing for you, and while Chan adores the older member of their larger friend group, the thought of him taking you to dinner - a date - makes his stomach tighten. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Seungkwan clarifies. “That you have had the last four years to nut up or shut up. Everyone has waited for you to make your move on Bambi and you haven’t. If you’re not going to do it, someone else might as well.” 

“I mean, anyone could ask her out. It’s not like I have-”

“Don’t you dare say you didn’t have dibs. Dibs can be unspoken, Chan. You’ve been in love with that girl since freshman year, if you think people - especially our friends - cannot tell and don’t respect you enough to give you time to ask her out, you need to wake up.” 

“It’s that obvious?” 

“Not to her, clearly.” Seungkwan stands and grins at Chan placidly, his essay collected in his hands. “Fortunately for you, the only person who is as dumb as you are is Bambi. Match made in heaven, really.” 

Chan chews his bottom lip. That offers a little bit of relief. He doesn’t like knowing that his feelings are so obvious to everyone else, but at least you don’t know. He cannot imagine how uncomfortable it would make your friendship dynamic knowing he was mooning over you while you just saw him as a friend. 

“Well, she doesn’t feel that way about me. I’m not going to confess my unrequited feelings and put her in that position to deal with them. It wouldn’t be fair.” 

Seungkwan gives Chan a slow blink, smile turning plastic. “Like I said. Match made in heaven.” 

Heaving a sigh, Chan throws himself on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Chan was certainly an idiot for a lot of reasons, but the biggest reason has to be the way he has let his feelings for you fester since freshman year. Instead of implementing preventative maintenance, he’s let the problem grow to the point that his friends are no longer waiting for him to do something about it. 

The window of opportunity is gone. 

Not that there was a window of opportunity to begin with. Chan has seen what it looks like when you’re interested in guys - dazed eyes, a little flustered, a tiny grin on your face. You’ve never looked at him that way. At least, not really like that. You smile at him all the time, but it’s different. 

If he had the slightest indication you looked at him like you were interested, he’d have spilled his feelings a long time ago. Hiding this from you feels almost like a violation of friendship, but in order to preserve the friendship and keep you comfortable, he does what he must. 

The memory of him telling you to go on a date with Joshua makes him  groan in embarrassment. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, seeing stars explode behind his lids. It had been a knee jerk response, something to distract you from the immediate jealousy and panic he’d felt that moment that Mingyu had dropped that bit of information at the table.

Mingyu. That motherfucker did it on purpose - not to rile Chan, but to try and  give him a kick in the ass toward the right direction. But like everyone else, Mingyu doesn’t get it. If Chan told you how he felt just to get it off of his chest, it would be putting his burden on you. You’d be the one who had to feel guilty for it being unrequited, you’d be the one who would inevitably feel uncomfortable or out of place. 

No. It would be the highest form of selfishness he can think of, offloading the heavy weight of his feelings just to give them to you as a reprieve from carrying them around so long. 

Chan blinks away the swimming colors, staring up at the popcorn ceiling of his bedroom again. He can hear Seungkwan singing somewhere in the apartment, liquid voice calming even in Chan’s mild state of distress. 

Joshua is a good guy. Honestly, there are only a few guys that Chan knows who would make a suitable partner for you, and he begrudgingly acknowledges that Joshua is at the top of that list. And yet he still feels a twist of self-loathing that he had pushed you so quickly towards it, the regret like bile in his stomach. 

The last thing Chan wants to do is skip Blood and Popcorn this week. It is the one guaranteed day of uninterrupted time with you, and he waved it away like it meant nothing to him, which could not be farther from the truth. The nights of watching Buffy and eating pizza and sometimes popcorn mean everything to him. 

He just wishes he had been brave enough to stand his ground. 

-

Maybe Joshua Hong is the worst person ever. Chan dismisses the irrational thought as soon as he has it. Joshua isn’t awful at all. It’s just that he’s leaning in toward you and saying something into your ear over the loud din of the party, and Chan watches the way you nod. 

Crack. The plastic cup in his hand splits and immediately spills rum and coke all over the kitchen floor. Jeonghan starts yelling at him, ripping paper towels off of the roll and throwing them in Chan’s direction. He mutters an apology, gaze drifting over the kitchen counter to the living room where you’re laughing, head tilted back, warm light splaying across your throat-

“Ya! Don’t just let it pool at your feet!”

Jeonghan’s screech brings Chan back to life. He snatches the copious amounts of paper towels Jeonghan has thrown at him and starts to soak up the drink. The tile floor is already sticky and Chan cringes. No way have either Jeonghang or Seungcheol cleaned this floor any time recently. If anything, Chan has done it a favor. 

The party is in full swing around him. He stands up with the soaked paper in his hand, tossing it into the trash and grabbing more while Jeonghan digs underneath the counter. Chan finishes soaking up the spilled drink and comes eye to eye with a new set of paper towels and spray cleaner. 

Chan gives Jeonghan the soaked papers. “Jeonghan, your floor is already disgusting.”

“Then you should have no problem cleaning it!” 

“Sure, Mom.” 

“Don’t call me that!”

He rolls his eyes but does what Jeonghan says, spraying the area quickly and pressing down the paper towels. They come away sticky and black, making him cringe in disgust before tossing them out and washing his hands. As he turns off the faucet, Jeonghan has the decency to hand him a new drink.

Chan takes it without comment, the image of Joshua leaning into you a little too much for him to deal with right now. He drains the cup, sputtering a little. Jeonghan is a heavy pour and the spiced rum goes down rough, his eyes tearing just a little as he finishes the drink. 

“Well, that’s one way to stop from spilling.” Chan shoots Jeonghan a look before reaching for the mixer and handle of rum again. “You do normally drink like a fish, but anything in particular driving tonight’s thirst?” 

“Nope.”

“Right, so it’s not tall, dark and handsome hanging out with Bambi?”

Chan feels his eye twitch as he heavily pours the liquor into his cup. “Nope. And Joshua isn’t even that tall.” 

“Taller than you.” Chan shoots Jeonghan a venomous look. His face is beatific, grin a little bit dangerous as he holds his hands up in a white flag. “You look pretty bothered. If only there were a way to fix that.” Chan looks at Jeonghan with wide eyes, hope surging for a moment. “Just tell her you like her.” 

“Why is that the only advice any of you have?”

“Because it’s the only advice I have. Either tell her or get over your feelings. Those are your options.” 

“And I’ve already told you, it would just make her uncomfortable. It’s not her burden to bear.” 

Jeongan taps his fingers on the countertop, studying Chan. Chan pouts into his cup, taking long draughts, trying not to cringe at the strong taste. He can already sense the oncoming buzz and he welcomes it, needing a little something to distract him from the obvious elephant in the living room. 

“Alright,” Jeognhan relents. “Then deal with the consequences and get over your feelings.” 

And he will. Chan has always been good at dealing with the repercussions of hiding his feelings, and he does them well. So he tips back the cup and rejoins the party, nerves steeled and ready to deal with the consequences like his friends keep telling him to. 

-

“What?” you asked, lifting your voice to be heard over the rowdy game of cards at the coffee table. Joshua had asked you something but the words had been lost on you as your gaze drifted to Chan where he was leaning against the wall, talking to a girl you didn’t know. He was leaning awfully close. “I didn’t catch that.” 

Joshua smiles. He really is handsome, and everything someone could want in a partner. He’s kind and gentle, has a little bit of an insane streak, and he is incredibly intelligent and loyal. So why do you feel nothing when he grins at you or laughs? 

Your eyes drift over to Chan again and you feel your stomach flip. The alcohol turns to lead. The girl Chan is speaking to is so close to him, both of them turned toward one another as he ducks his head down to say something to her. She laughs and he smiles, looking her up and down.

Jealousy swallows you whole. It roars so loudly in your ears that you almost miss Joshua’s question again. “Did you give any thoughts about dinner on Friday?” 

Dinner? Friday? Oh right. He had asked you to dinner on Friday, but you’d declined due to your planned Blood and Popcorn night. With Chan. Who is flirting with the girl next to him, who is flirting back. 

The jealousy feels like a raw, rotten thing. It turns the alcohol in your stomach sour, makes the sweat on the back of your neck feel too much, like the room is too loud and too full. Even as the envy rears its head, an ugly beast ready to unleash, you turn to Joshua and say, “I really can’t. Friday nights are really important to me.” 

Joshua looks disappointed, but he’s polite enough to nod and smile. “I understand. Maybe a different night?”

“Um, maybe. Would you excuse me? I really need some air.” 

You stand abruptly, starling the people next to you. The cup in your hand shakes a little and your throat constricts and oh god. You cannot cry in the middle of a party just because you’re a little buzzed and the boy you like is across the room with another girl. 

“Do you want me to-”

“No!” You quip, shaking your head. “Totally fine, I’m so fine, I just need some air. Please! Sit! Stay!” 

Joshua raises his eyebrows at your frantic commands and you give a laugh that is a little on the hysterical side as you step over the legs of people sitting on the floor and on the couch. Joshua calls after you as you make the escape but you don’t turn around, eager to get out of the room. 

You trip over someone’s foot and nearly launch into a passerby as you go. Strong hands steady you before you totally topple over, though your drink sloshes over the edge of your cup, spilling it on the carpet. 

“What is it with you and your other half?” You look up to realize that it’s Jeonghan who stabilized you. “Spilling drinks all over my damn floor!”

“It probably helps. Your floors are disgusting.”

“Ya! That’s beside the point - why do you look like you’re about to die?”

“I feel like I might. I need fresh air.”  For a moment, Jeonghan looks confused. You watch his dark brows pull together and he looks over your head, dark gaze scanning for something. For Chan, you realize. It’s usually Chan who leaves with you if you need air or need to stick your head in a bucket to vomit. The realization hits you like a brick. “Not him,” you whisper. “I’m fine.” 

Your words land at the same time Jeonghan focuses in the direction you’d last seen Chan. He holds you there, suspended in time for a moment as his eyes dart between you and back to where you know Chan is still leaning against the wall. 

There is a flicker of something that you cannot place in Jeonghan’s gaze before it softens and he nods. He pulls you toward him and helps guide you around the groups of people. “Fresh air it is.”

“You don’t have to come.”

“I don’t know, crying alone is kind of lame, Bambi.”

Cool air hits you the second you step onto the porch. Soonyoung is sitting on the railing with Jihoon and Vernon leaning next to him. He waves enthusiastically when he sees you, breaking out into a grin and lifting the joint between his fingers, an offer. You shake your head and he shrugs, passing it to Vernon who lifts a hand in salute. 

The smell of weed chases you down the grass slope of Jeonghan’s backyard. It’s not so much a backyard as it is open to the apartment community’s lake. The spray of the fountain grows louder as the sounds of the party fade. 

Jeonghan sits down in the grass, leaning back on his hands. You join him, cringing at the dampness from the dewey grass. Taking in a deep breath you close your eyes and lean your head back, letting the wind cool the sweat on your overheated skin. The breeze mists the fountain, tiny specks of water tingling on your face as you sit in silence. 

Behind your lids, you can see the image of Chan leaning in toward that girl. The intimacy of the space. You hate how you can recall it in such detail - you’d always been able to remember details where Chan was involved. Like the way he was wearing a black, long-sleeved tee that pulled against his chest and arms perfectly, or the way the necklace you bought him two years ago glinted in the light of the living room, or the way-

“I did it to myself, huh?” you ask, feeling the first tear collect on your lash line. You tilt your head upward, trying to blink it rapidly away. “I could have just told him a while ago.” 

“Well, I don’t think you’re entirely responsible,” Jeonghan mutters. “Look, putting your heart on your sleeve is really scary, especially when it’s to someone you really value. But you have to decide what to do. You can either tell Chan you love him or you can decide to get over it. You can’t cling to unspoken feelings, though.”

“I just… I don't feel like he returns the feelings and I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“Then get over him.” You snap your gaze at Jeonghan, who is looking at you with the cool and calm you wish you felt. “If you’re unwilling to be honest with him, then your option is to get over it.” 

“Do you think he would… react poorly?”

“Of course not, but I will not speak to all of Chan’s feelings. Those are his to share, not mine, and I believe in the sanctity of acting on one’s own.”

“You sound so… saintly.”

“Dealing with all your problems has turned me into a saint. Do you know what it’s like being therapy to all of these damn people? You all take ‘door open’ a little too seriously.”

You laugh, feeling a little lighter. Pulling at the grass, you sigh. “You’re right, though. I either need to just tell him or let it go. I can’t just… suffer.”

“If only you’d come to that conclusion a while ago.”

“Bleh.” 

Fresh air and the weight of Jeonghan’s words weigh down on you. You know that he’s right. Though you’re confident that Chan doesn’t return your feelings, you don’t explicitly know because you’ve never asked. And if you never ask, you’ll never know. 

Calm settles over you as you decide your course of action. Blood and Popcorn is in two days - you can bring it up then. 

Nodding to yourself, you pluck more grass out of the ground. “Alright,” you tell Jeonghan, heaving a sigh. “Thanks, Mom.” 

“Ugh, you two! Don’t call me that!”

-

Hands shaking, you stare at your phone. You’ve had two days to mentally prepare for this evening and yet when you look at your phone, you think two days was not remotely enough to prepare for this evening. You haven’t spoken to Chan at all about what time you want to have your weekly hangout, but that’s not unusual. 

The only thing unusual is your hesitation to hit the call button and ask what time he wants to come over. It’s such a simple thing - you don’t need to confess your feelings to him right now. But the anticipation of what inviting him over means and the possible disaster it can bring makes your fingers shaky. 

Instead of hitting dial, you take one deep breath and let it out slowly. In slowly again, and-

Your phone starts ringing before you can finish the exhale. Your heart pounds in your throat when you see Chan’s name flash across your screen. For a few seconds there is pure panic, but you manage to collect yourself and slide your thumb across the screen. It takes a few tries, your hands clammy with anxiety as you answer. 

“Hi!”

“Don’t kill me,” Chan immediately says on the other side of the line. You pause, cocking your head. 

“Why would I do that?” 

“I have to raincheck on Blood and Popcorn tonight.”

“Oh no, are you sick? Do you need me to bring anything over? Is Seungkwan-”

Chan laughs on the other side of the phone and your stomach flutters helplessly. You hear the creak of bed springs and you know he’s sitting on his bed. He has the world’s creakiest bed. “I’m not sick.”

“Oh.” 

You frown, sitting down on your couch and folding your legs. There’s nothing else you can think of that Chan would cancel Blood and Popcorn for, so illness had seemed like the first rational thing. You feel a little embarrassed at immediately trying to take care of him, but push it away to ask, “What’s up?” 

“I have a date. Tonight is the only night she was available for like two weeks. She’s in her first year of law school so her availability sucks.” 

It feels like the air vanishes from the room. You lean back against the backrest on the couch, deflated. You hold the phone to your ear, but don’t feel the weight of it in your hand. The TV across the living room becomes a blur, the muted program in the background unrecognizable. 

A date. Chan has a date. That he’s willing to cancel your night for. 

You think back to that night at the diner when he told you to just go out with Joshua instead of doing Blood and Popcorn. How easily he pushed it aside. Like it was unimportant. Easily missed. 

“Bambi?” Chan’s voice sounds distant through the roar of your emotions. “You there? The cell service in your apartment is so shitty.” 

“I’m here.” 

“Oh good. Sorry to miss, please don’t kill me. We can add two days of Blood and Popcorn next week to make up for it?”

“Yeah. Uh. Yeah.” 

There’s a pause. “Are you okay?”

“Definitely.” Lie. “Sorry, I just woke up from a nap and I’m a little spacy.” Lie. “No problems here. I’m not mad. Enjoy your date.” Lie. 

“Thanks, I’ll let you know how it goes after!” 

“For sure.” 

When Chan hangs up the phone, you think that Jeonghan was right. Crying alone is lame. 

-

Chan can’t do this. 

Sol isn’t the problem - at least not directly. She is beautiful and funny, sharp as a whip and has an edge to her that he loves in women. She is successful, has goals, and she’s sensible. And she’s into him, which is perhaps the biggest plus of all. 

But she isn’t you. Sol’s biggest problem is that she’s not you, and it’s not really her problem at all. It is Chan’s and Chan’s alone, and he cannot sit through this date anymore. He’s tried for the last hour already, asking all of the right questions and laughing at all the right places, but he cannot stop the way he wonders if you’re watching buffy. He cannot help but wonder if you’re in those expensive pajamas you like, drinking inexpensive wine from the corner story, his favorite contrast. 

Chan cannot stop thinking that his button up is a little too tight on his chest and the uncomfortable way his new shoes rub his ankle. He’d rather be in a tee and shorts, freshly showered and stretched out. He cannot stop blinking his eyes, hating the way one of his contacts is irritating him, wishing instead to be in glasses and the lowlight of your apartment. 

From the moment he ended that call with you to cancel Blood and Popcorn, all he’s felt is dread. Dread for the upcoming date with someone he should be excited about, dread for telling you how it goes, dread for having to be in public with people and to get to know someone, dread at what happens at the end of the date, does he have to kiss her? Does he have to go get ice cream? What does he do-

“Are you okay?” Sol’s raspy voice draws him from his thoughts - not for the first time that night. She’s leaning back in her seat, dark eyes pinning him to the spot. She is as sharp as she is beautiful, and normally someone like Sol would make him trip over his feet. “You zoned out.”

“I apologize, that was rude of me.”

“It was,” she agrees. She swirls the wine in her glass, looking him up and down before giving him a sympathetic smile. “I won’t be offended if you want to call this off early.” 

“What?”

“You’re not interested,” she asserts. Confident. Self-assured. “It’s totally okay if it’s not working for you.” 

Heat crawls up the side of Chan’s neck. He runs his sweaty palms over his slacks. “I am so sorry,” he says earnestly. “This sounds so stupid to say, but it is me, it isn’t you.”

“No offense, but I know. You’ve been distracted since we got here. You obviously have something or someone else on your mind.” 

“That easy to read, huh?”

“Open book. I have some pride, though. Let’s pay the bill?”

“I’m sorry.”

Her grin is polite. Understanding. “Don’t be. You’re cute and nice, but I cannot suffer knowing your mind isn’t on me.” 

“Understandable.” 

Chan knows he’s lucky. Anyone else a little less level-headed or less confident might have made him suffer. As it is, Sol does let him suffer a little, sliding the bill over to him with a knowing grin. He likes Sol - not like he likes you, but she’s good people. 

“Promise me one thing?” Sol asks before ducking into her Uber. “It’ll help my pride.”

“Sure.”

“Go spend the rest of the evening with whoever it is and make sure you tell them how you feel. It’ll be worth it, that way.”

Chan grins. “Alright. I promise.”

And he does intend to hold to that promise. Something about tonight is different. He can feel it as he walks quickly to his car, undoing the top button of his shirt as he goes. The air is crisp and there are still a few streaks of orange in the night sky, the sun long gone. 

Chan calls you as he turns his car onto the road, heading toward your apartment on the northside of down. He drums his fingers along the steering wheel, buzzing with nervous and excited energy as the line rings. When you don’t pick up, he ends the call. 

Jeonghan was right - he usually is. Chan could either tell you how he feels or live with the consequences, and he’s decided he cannot live with the consequences. He cannot sit across the table from someone who isn’t you and pretend that he isn’t wondering what you’re doing. He cannot look at the curve of someone else’s mouth and wonder what it would be like if it were yours. 

The date had been spurred by the intense wave of jealousy and inadequacy he felt at Jeonghan’s party when he saw you sitting on the couch with Joshua. He has no idea how else he would have had the confidence to start chatting up someone as commanding as Sol, but he was powered by rum and a wounded heart. 

Stupid. It was stupid, he realizes now. He has been stupid so many times regarding you and for long enough that even Joshua, the most polite of his friends, felt like they could respectfully intercept you, now. 

Well, perhaps you will choose Joshua instead. Chan is fine with that. What you want has always been paramount to him. But if you choose Joshua, it will be with the knowledge that Chan loves you and he always has. 

Steeling himself, he gets out of the car at your apartment complex and looks up at the building. He can see the lights on in your living room, confirming you’re still home and probably watching Buffy. The thought sends a thrill through him and he smiles, shaking his head and taking a deep breath.

“You’ve got this, Lee Chan,” he tells himself. “You’ve got this.” 

-

A loud knock on your door startles you. You finish blowing your nose in the issue, trying to suck up the rest of your tears. Pulling the sleeves of your sweater - Chan’s sweater - over your hands, you wipe your face with sweater paws, trying to erase some evidence of your tears before having to face the delivery person. 

Grabbing the bills on the counter, you wonder how many people delivering food have seen people answer the door while crying or immediately after crying. Honestly, they’ve probably seen all types of strange situations, which makes you feel a little bit about answering the door after very clearly sobbing. 

Unlatching the top and flipping the deadbolt, you yank the door open, prepared to not make eye contact to make it a little less awkward for you and the person just trying to hand you pizza and soda, except- 

“Chan?” 

It is Chan standing outside of your door. You blink in surprise, giving him a quick once over. He looks really nice, dressed in slacks and a black button up shirt that is a little too tight across the chest - not that you’re complaining - and the top of the buttons undone to reveal the necklace you gifted him. His dark hair has styling product in it, pushing it out of his face, save for a small rebel strand that hangs over his eyebrow. 

Chan looks… beautiful. You’re suddenly very aware that you’re in his sweatshirt and sweatpants, face swollen from crying, nose a little snotty and looking worse for wear. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Why are you crying?” 

Chan pushes his way into your apartment and you let him, dropping your arm as he passes by. He shuts the door for you, flipping the latch and lock out of habit as he turns to you. He reaches out to grab you by the shoulders but you back up a little, suddenly terrified of his touch. 

He notices. “Why are you crying?” he asks again, dark brows knitted and mouth twisted in a frown. “Talk to me.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?” 

“Left early, wasn’t working. What’s going on?” 

You swallow thickly, realizing you’re at a crossroads. Silence stretches between you as he waits for your answer, looking at you with so much concern that you begin to crack. The tension in your throat returns, the telltale sign of tears and you ball your fists, nails digging into your palms.

A torrent of feelings bombard you. Anger. Hurt. Desire. Relief. Hurt again. 

“You canceled Blood and Popcorn.” 

Chan opens and closes his mouth, head cocking to the side a little bit. He looks mystified, trying to put together the pieces to the puzzle. “I don’t understand.”

“You canceled Blood and Popcorn for something else. For someone else.” 

“I-” 

A series of emotions flit over his face. You feel your heart pounding wildly in your chest as you watch each one, trying to catch them as they go. Confusion. Thoughtfulness. Confusion. Realization. You watch as he drinks you in, the tears, the wet stains from crying on the shirt, your words. Slowly, Chan puts the pieces together for the entire picture, and his face becomes so soft that you nearly cringe. 

“Oh, Bambi.” 

“You can date whoever you want, you’re not mine,” you punch out, wiping a tear as it escapes your eye. Feeling small, you back away from him a little, breaking eye contact. “But it hurts when you shove me aside like that. Look, I know we’re friends, but-”

“Bambi,” he says gently. You’re not looking at him, but you know that tone. The pleading. He’s begging you to stop, you think, but if you don’t get this out now you never will. 

“Blood and Popcorn is important to me. You’re important to me. I know you’ve never seen me as more than a friend, but Chan-”

Chan interrupts you again. This time though, it’s by crashing against you. You nearly topple over onto the coffee table with the force of it, but you cling to him, digging your hands into the meat of his biceps to hold yourself to him. His hands press into the small of your back, sending a bolt of electricity to you that you can’t pay any attention to, because Chan presses his mouth against yours softly, stealing all of your thoughts.

For a second, your brain goes static. You’re so stunned you don’t do anything but cling to him, vacantly aware that the softness of his lips are on yours. Tentative. Questioning. 

Chan pulls away and your eyes flutter open. He is only an inch away from your face, his minty breath fanning your lips as he begins to apologize, panic on his face. You interrupt him this time, surging forward to crash your lips to his, far less gentle than he had been the first time. 

The box you’ve shoved every feeling for Chan cracks open. You feel everything pour out of it, a steady stream of want as you press into him. He smells like teakwood and mint, hypnotizing you. His mouth is soft and eager, sucking gently against your bottom lip. 

Everything feels lighter, like gravity has lost all meaning. Chan pulls away from your mouth a little, close enough to brush your lips against his in a feather-light kiss, but enough to gaze down at you through half lidded eyes. 

“The date didn’t work out because I kept thinking of you,” he whispers, voice shaking. You feel your breath stop as he speaks, each word sinking in. “It was stupid to ask her out. I was feeling insecure about Joshua asking you out, and it was stupid and petty-”

You kiss him again. He smiles into the kiss, letting you lead him, slow and lazy. You feel his tongue brush against the seam of your lips and you eagerly let him in, toes curling as he licks into your mouth. 

“I just want you,” Chan admits, breaking away for a quick breath of air. He presses his lips against the corner of your mouth, your jaw, your cheek. He peppers your face in them as his hands skate up your back, hot even through the material of his sweatshirt. “I have for so long and I’ve been so afraid to tell you.”

“I was afraid too.” 

“I have wasted so much time.” His hands cradle your face, turning you to look at him. 

Chan is so earnest. Raw honestly glitters in his eyes. Deeper, hiding beneath the surface is something a little darker and more intense. Want. Desire. Something that lingers, waiting for you to call it forward. You love him so much that in that moment you almost cry more, feeling overwhelmed with everything you’ve buried down for years. 

“I want to make up for it,” you whisper, stealing a kiss that is more teeth than anything. He makes a noise in the back of his throat. Your hands sink to his waist, gripping at the fabric of his shirt. “I was actually going to tell you tonight, before you canceled.”

“What a stupid man I am.”

You smirk a little. “Yes.” 

“Let me apologize,” he murmurs, voice low. You feel yourself shiver as he pushes you toward your room, connecting your mouths again. The kiss is messy and needy, so different than the one moments before. You tangle together, stumbling toward your room. “I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Oh?” 

The crash landing onto your mattress is not graceful. Chan’s full weight falls on top of you and your foreheads smack a little. You yelp in paint and Chan groans, burying his face in your neck. You can’t help the laughter that bubbles to the surface, exploding out of you as your hands press flat on his back, soothing as you hold him to you.

“First step of apologizing,” you wheeze under him. “Give her a concussion.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says, burying his face further in embarrassment. “I’m a little eager.” 

His breath tickles your neck, making you squirm under him. He seems to notice, opting to press open-mouthed kisses against your throat. You hum, eyelids fluttering at the stimulation. “It’s okay,” you breathe, fingers turning to claws against his back. “It’s cute.”

Chan leans off of you, properly supporting himself with arms on either side of your head, caging you in. His knee slots between your legs, making your stomach leap in excitement as he scoots it up a little, almost pressing against you. 

“You’re cute,” he notes, kisses getting messy as they go up your neck toward your ear. He nips your ear and you let out a sound. His laughter is warm against you and you shiver. “You’re in my clothes.”

“I wear them all the time.”

He groans. “I know. Fuck I know.”

“Is that what does it for you?” You move your hands from his back to his waist, pulling the tucked shirt from the waistband of his slacks. His hips twitch forward, excited. He busies his mouth with pressing wet kisses to your jaw. “Me in your clothes?”

“Everything does it for me. I am down horrendous for you.” 

“I really didn’t know.”

He moves a hand to pull at the collar of his sweatshirt, exposing more of your collarbones to him as he kisses. “Everyone else did,” he assures you. You hiss when he bites down and licks over the sting, looking up through dark lashes to gauge your reaction. You nod a little and he grins, doing it again. “Biting. Got it.” 

With trembling fingers, you work the buttons on his shirt. You steal touches as you go, greedy for him. Too long have you hidden what you want in the shadows, too long have you resisted this. Now, you take. 

You brush your fingers against the flexing muscle of his stomach as you pull at the shirt, making him moan deep in his throat. His skin is like fire as you brush your fingers across its warmth, shoving his shirt off. He leans up, letting it fall from his shoulders, rippling to the ground.

The light from your hall glows behind Chan, halloween him in golden light. Your breath catches in your chest as your fingers press to his skin, brush over his shoulders and chest, down his stomach. You feel him twitch beneath your hands but he lets you explore, breathing hard under your reverence. 

Golden boy, so full of fire. It’s all you can think of as you stare up at him, equal parts light and dark in your bedroom. Your hands drop to his belt and you tug him to you, desperate for him. 

“Kiss me,” you beg. 

He does. His mouth is greedy, stealing your breath. A thrill shoots through you when he slides his knee up higher, pressing it between your legs. You breath the kiss to gasp at the barest amount of pressure and Chan grins, watching your reaction through a heavy gaze. 

“Take this off for me,” he asks, voice raspy. He pulls at the hem of his sweatshirt on your frame. “Please.”

You lean up, pressing your mouth to his collarbone in a sweet kiss as you pull the shirt over your head. He helps you, tossing it somewhere else. His hands go to your sides, fingers tracing up your curves as he pushes you back down, claiming your mouth again. 

It feels like you might go crazy. Your bare chest presses against his, the friction turning your blood to liquid fire. His knee is firm between your legs, and when his hand slips to your waist, squeezing you and urging you to roll your hips you can’t help but let out a moan in the shape of his name, helpless.

“Fuck,” he swears, dropping his forehead to your shoulder as he helps you move against his thigh. “If you say my name like that again I might bust in my fucking pants.” 

“Chan.” 

“Don’t,” he laughs, biting your shoulder. “I want this so bad.” 

“I want you.”

“I might pass out due to sheer joy.” 

“I have some ideas on how to revive you.” 

He lets out a swear and you laugh. “You’re going to be the death of me.” 

“Maybe.” 

Truth is, you think he might be the death of you. You’d die happily in his arms, completely swept up in the feeling of Chan’s tongue as it skates across your skin and up the swell of your breast. When he pauses, you look down at him. He smirks, happy to have your attention before he flicks his tongue lightly over the peak of your nipple. 

You squeeze your legs around his thigh, back bowing off the bed. He lets out a chuckle, repeating the flicking motion as he watches you with dark, satisfied eyes. It drives you insane, the way he watches you with equal parts reverence and determination to find out what makes you squirm. 

Chan is a fast learner. His teeth scrape against your nipple and you whine, thrashing under him as he teases you, pulling gently. The sting feels so good, making you melt into the mattress underneath him. He makes a sound of appreciation, sucking gently and sending you to the moon before trailing his mouth toward your other breast. 

The hand on your hip squeezes you, reminding you why it had been there in the first place. “Keep going.” His breath fans against your skin and you tremble. “I like seeing you worked up.” 

“God,” you whisper, trying to roll your hips against his leg again. It feels so good but it’s not enough, and as he sucks greedily at your chest you feel like you might rip at the seams. “Who knew you were so… this.” 

You feel his wet grin against you, tongue flicking against your pert nipple. Your head falls to the side as you pant, trying to catch your fucking breath. 

Of course he can reduce you to nothing so easily. No one knows you better than Chan, the two of you like twin flames. Every touch of his tongue, every press of his fingers into your skin, every breath of your name on his lips were made to unravel you because it’s Chan. Your Chan. 

Your Chan who gently pulls the sweatpants from your hips, groaning low and slow when he sees the way your panties stick to your folds. Your Chan who kisses and bites the softness of your thighs, breath ghosting across sensitive flesh, fingers prying your legs apart when they start to twitch shut. 

You’d always been made for him. To think otherwise was folly. You know that now, hand gripping his bones tight as he pulls your hands to the side, the cold air hitting your aching cunt. He lets you squeeze his hand, not caring that your gripping is bone-breaking. 

“Hmm.” He looks up at you and you look down at him. His eyes are blown and he grins, shaking his head a little. “This for me?” You nod, your thoughts banging around the near empty space in your head as you do. “Fuck.” 

And then his tongue presses against you, flat and warm and fuck fuck fuck. You can barely function as Chan drags his tongue slowly up your pussy, avoiding your clit entirely before dragging it back down. He makes a sound in his throat that sounds like a whine and you nearly lose it there, driven insane by him. 

Chan takes the hand he has linked with yours and rests it on your hip, pressing into you to keep you still. You buck under his mouth and he laughs, unbothered as he looks up at you. The vision of him between your legs makes you dizzy, his hair mused, tongue pressed between your folds, eyes starving. 

Your other hand grips his wrist where his opposite hand holds you open. You cling to him, thighs twitching as he licks you at his leisure. His mouth is a weapon, bringing you to the edge of insane easily. When he closes his lips around your clit and sucks gently, you fear you might break. 

He can sense it too, setting himself to the task of pushing you over the edge. Chan learns you so quickly - maybe just knows you intuitively - alternating between circling his tongue around your throbbing bundle of nerves and sucking on it gently. 

“I am going to die,” you gasp between ragged breaths. “Your fucking mouth.” 

“Yeah? Feels good?” The buzz of his words drive right into your lower stomach where your orgasmed has so much compacted pressure you know you’re going to snap any moment. “Taste so good. I could eat this pussy all fucking night.” 

“Fuck, Chan. I’m gonna come.” 

He gives a harsh suck to your cunt, the wet sound obscene. “Good.” 

“Like that.”

“Yeah?” he asks, panting. He does it again, following your instruction. Your mouth falls open as you nod, unable to string together more than. “Mmm.” 

Chan doubles his effort, the wet sounds of his mouth making it all the harder to keep it together. He keeps you in place as best as he can, but his little hums of pleasure and the combination of his mouth and tongue send your orgasm slamming into you. 

You think you say his name. You have no idea if anything comes out at all. You come hard, thrashing against the bed as he licks you through it, uncaring. Every nerve in your body is on fire, limbs tingling as you float in the momentary high of your peak before you start to come back down, breathing raggedly. 

A cramp throbs in your fingers that are still twisted in Chan’s grip. You loosen your grip a little bit, feeling a little bad about almost snapping his fingers. He doesn’t seem to mind, head still between your legs, tongue gentle and pressed against your twitching entrance. He avoids your clit, letting you catch your breath.

“Chan,” you mumble. He lifts his head, your arousal spread across his mouth. He is a mess, spiking your need for him. You pull at him, wild. “Kiss me.” 

He doesn’t hesitate. He scrambles up to you, letting go of your hand in favor of cradling your face. The kiss is hungry and wet, your heady taste on his mouth as you drink him in. You don’t care, desperate to have him close, pulling him into you. 

One of your hands snakes between your bodies, pressing against the firm outline of his cock through his pants. He lets out a whine, shaking his head as he breaks the kiss, breathing heavy. 

“Don’t,” he begs. “I will cum right now.” 

“Oh?” 

“I’m so serious, I almost came untouched.”

“Wow, I really do it for you, huh?” 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” His sincerity makes you flush and you peck him on the lips. “I cannot promise I will not come apart after a single stroke.” 

“Don’t care.” You undo his belt, pulling. “Want it. Want you. Please don’t make me wait.” 

He curses. “I can deny you nothing.” He sees your wicked grin and shakes his head, laughing as he pulls away to kick out of his pants. “You like having me wrapped around your finger, huh?” 

“You’re not the only one whipped.” He looks at you, doubtful. “You think I share my fries with anyone? Be so real, Chan. That’s something only you can do.” 

“Got it. French fry privileges, what else can I weaponize?” 

You don’t answer his question, distracted by him as he peels his briefs off and fists his heavy cock. You lick your lips, drinking in the length and thickness of him, the sticky, swollen tip, the way he pumps himself when he kneels on the bed again. 

“Hmm?” he asks, noticing you're distracted. “Everything okay?” 

“You have a nice dick,” you blurt. He pauses, raising his brows, thighs pressed to the back of yours. You fold your lips flat, a little embarrassed by your outburst. “Thank you is the proper response to a compliment.” 

He bursts into laughter and you can’t help but join him, covering your face as it heats up. “Don’t hide from me, wanna see you,” he teases, grabbing your hands and pulling them from your face. He pins them above your head. “And thank you.” 

Chan runs the head of his cock along your sticky folds, both of you moaning in unison. His hand still pins yours above your head, making you feel open and vulnerable. Your knees squeeze his hips as he ruts against you a little, eyes focused while he uses his other end to guide himself to your entrance. 

“Mmm,” the sound escapes you as he presses in, the ache in your core doubling for a second as he sinks further. “Fuuuck.”

“Okay?”

“Very. Just- slow.”

“You got it, baby.” 

The term of endearment hits you low in the stomach. Between him whispering baby and sinking into the hilt, you don’t know what drives you crazier. The easy answer is just Chan. It’s simply Chan who does this to you, who turns you inside out, who reduces you to a whimpering mess. 

Chan lets go of your hands and brings it to your face. He leans down, supported by the other hand as he kisses you gently, letting you adjust to his girth, pussy spasming around him as you try to keep it together. The kiss is slow and sweet, in contrast to the feral kiss you shared earlier. 

“Fuck,” he breaths against you mouth, laughing. He presses his forehead against yours. “You’re fucking squeezing me. I might die.” 

You do it on purpose this time and he hisses, all of his muscles clenching. “Like that?” 

“Doonnn’t. If I come right now I’ll be so embarrassed.” 

“Why? It’s just me.”

“I don’t want to one-stroke my dream girl, are you serious?” 

“Dream girl, huh?” He pulls out a little before shallow thrusting back in. “Mmm yeah. That feels good.” 

Instead of answering your jest, he kisses you slowly. His strokes are slow but deep, making you sigh. He feels so good, having him like this. Chan presses his body against you, melding the two of you. You wrap your legs around his waist, squeezing to keep him as close as possible. 

Your name falls from his lips as you move in sync. You can feel his heart pounding in his chest, feel him shake in your hands. He buries his face in your neck, mouth pressed against your skin as he breathes heavily. You cling to him, as though you could press your love into him, as though you can transfer it through touch. 

Chan slides a hand between the two of you, reaching down to circle your clit gently. You whimper in surprise, squeezing around him and drawing out a low sound. “I’m gonna come soon,” he murmurs. “Do you have another one, baby? Can you try for me?”

You nod. He presses his lips to your temple, driving his hips faster, fingers firm. You feel yourself wind up again, desperate to catch up to Chan, to give him what he wants, to come undone together. You’d do anything for him - anything he asked. You always have.

A glint of metal catches your eye. You see the necklace you gifted him hanging around his neck, tapping his collarbone in time with his movements. The sight of it makes you possessive, your desire for him surging. Gripping the back of his neck, you bring his mouth to yours. You don’t kiss him, but your mouths are pressed together as you mutter, “I love you, you know?” 

He groans, hips stuttering, fingers firm. You’re so close, you feel yourself right on that edge again. “I do know,” he admits, his cock pressing that perfect spot inside of you that has the room spinning. “I love you too, you know?”

You feel him smile against you. The kiss he gives you is so gentle that it sends you over the edge. You hold him tight, coming undone around him as he groans into your mouth, unraveling with you. When he stills, you keep holding him to you, his embrace warm. 

Chan nudges your nose with his. You open your eyes to find his dark ones peering at you. You smile, lifting a hand to trace your fingers along his jaw, the gentle slope of his nose, the roundness of his cheeks. You note the faint freckles under his eyes, his long lashes, the way one side of his lips lifts before the other when he smiles. 

“Hmm?” he asks.

“You’re so pretty.” You trace your finger to his nose and then flick it. He frowns and pulls away, making you laugh. “There is cum leaking down my leg to my ass.” He thrusts once sharply and you whine. “Chaaaan.”

“Hmmm?”

“Can we shower?” 

“We?”

You grin. “You speak French?” 

“I speak pussy.”

“Ew, get off of me!” you laugh, hitting him in the shoulder. He laughs too, rolling off and pulling out. “Take me to the shower, you loser.” 

“Oui.” 

“Then I want to watch Buffy - oh no.”

“What?” He stands and reaches a hand out to you, helping you up. “Are you alright?”

“I ordered pizza and they probably tried to deliver.” 

“That’s okay.” He pulls you toward the shower and smacks your ass lightly, making you yelp. “Start the shower, I’ll call and get it re-delivered.”

You pause, looking at him, unable to bite back the smile. “I love you.”

“Mhmm. Love you too, Bambi.”

-

“I know I’m good looking,” Chan murmurs, eyes on the screen. “But you’re staring very hard at me.” 

You’re laying against his chest, head tilted up to look at him. You can’t help it, watching the blue light from the TV dance across his face, reflected in the glasses he put on after the shower. His hair is still damp and fluffy, skin glistening from the skincare post-shower. 

“You are good looking.”

“Damn. Only like me for the looks?”

“Well your jokes aren’t very good.” 

He levels you with a glare and you laugh, kissing him quickly before settling down in his arms again. His embrace is warm and he smells like your shampoo. You press yourself into him further and he grunts, letting you. 

“Can we do Blood and Popcorn forever?” you ask, watching him fondly. He smiles and kisses your forehead, flooding you with warmth. “Please?”

“Anything you ask, baby. Blood and Popcorn forever.” 

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

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[frythebrains]

My official list of how well it would go if a primarch would be horrendously down bad for me (in numerical order)

Lion- 4/10. He's really going to have to have a lot of Very Serious conversations with himself and get out of the closet. I feel like he'd complain that I'm on my phone too much. Also, I can't keep secrets for shit.

[REDACTED]- 0/10. Didn't even show up for the date.

Fulgrim- 6/10. We'd probably get along relatively well and I'd really enjoy having someone to make clothes for, but I wouldn't be able to keep up with his social obligations. His rating goes up considerably well if Ferrus is also included.

Perturabo- 8/10. I feel like I could handle him well enough, and we're both grumpy bastards, so it balances out. We actually have interests in common, so we'll be able to actually have things to talk about while we sit on opposite sides of our massive craft room working on our own projects. He might be a little sexist, but I'm sure we could work it out.

Jaghati Khan- 3/10. I really don't have the energy to keep up with him. Also, I'd last about 5 minutes in a yurt.

Leman Russ- 1/10. We are absolutely incompatible, and that's not counting my dislike of him. I'd be falling asleep halfway through his parties on one of his wolves. Not to mention that I somehow doubt that Fenris is a good place for vegetarians.

Rogal Dorn- 5/10. Honestly, we'd probably forget that we're in a relationship at some point because we get too involved in our own little projects and just never see each other. Not to mention he'd probably get along with my brother way too well and every single family dinner would be turned into an engineering black hole. However, our lego collection would be legendary.

Konrad Curze- 2/10. I feel like this should be obvious. Also, he'd probably shred all my plushies.

Sanguinius- 4/10. Honestly, we're just both going to be caught in a loop of 'I'm not good enough for him' at some point or another and it'll drag down the relationship immensely as we both try to prove our worth to the other one all the while feeling terrible about it. I do feel like our hobbies would line up nicely though.

Ferrus Manus- 7/10. I have a feeling he might not appreciate my abilities with fiber arts, but I feel like we could work around it. Not to mention that I would absolutely not turn down free blacksmithing lessons. His rating goes up significantly if Fulgrim is included (What? They balance each other out!)

[REDACTED]- 0/10. Wrote me a creepy stalker letter and I didn't reply.

Angron- 1/10. I literally have no idea what we'd even do with each other. There would be lots of awkward staring.

Robute Guilliman- 9/10. We'd probably spend a lot of time crying in each other's arms during tax season. Other than that, we're pretty compatible and would probably have a lot of fun making petty comments at state functions.

Mortarion- 14/10. It mainly works because I'm also horrendously down bad for him. Like, I'd have this man's children and I hate children (which is fine, because I doubt he wants children either). It would be the second date and we'd already have the house with the white picket fence and 2.5 nurglings.

Magnus- 9/10. I'm also severely down bad for this man; I would probably spend a lot of time playing with his hair and reassuring him that yes, Leman Russ and the space wolves are bitches. However, Jeopardy would be an absolutely blood sport in our house to the point of terrifying the neighbours.

Horus- 3/10. There's absolutely no way I can keep up with this man's social schedule. I'm way too much of an introvert for that. There's also no way I'd be able to deal with his daddy issues.

Lorgar- 5/10. I do feel like Lorgar could be really sweet, but with the daddy issues and the religious issues and the having to have Kor Phaeron at holidays... yeah.

Vulkan- friends/10. Like, I know he's the perfect man and everything, but the only way we could conceivably cuddle would be in a freezer because otherwise we'd both overheat.

Corvus Corax- 4/10. We'd just be too depressed together, and I feel like he's not going to give me encouragement. Also, there's the probability that he would disappear at some point and I'd spiral into a 'what have I done wrong?' spiral at endless guilt.

Alpharius Omegon- 8/10. I might be as blunt as a 2x4, but I do like the idea of getting two for one. I do also really like the idea that the entire Alpha legion would gaslight everyone in my life to not misgender me.

imagine if the one of the primarchs was horrendously down bad for you, the fucking dream

[whump-queen]

Static Between Us

Tags: mafia setting, shock collars, restraints, threats, multiple whumpers, defiant whumpee. Words: 1.7k

༻✦༺

“You know what I just can’t figure out?” 

Amira circled him slowly. 

“That for however many times I’ve hit this button, you still wear that sullen expression on your face.”

She looked down at him as she spoke, sharp eyes meeting nothing. His gaze was firmly affixed to her shoes. 

“What I can’t figure out,” she took a step towards him. “Is that despite all of our,” she paused, “convincing, you continue to refuse to cooperate.” 

She was close now. He still didn’t dare look up. He realized he could hear the electric hum of the gadgets she wore around her wrists and waist. He could hear the half-distant buzzing of the tiny radio in her ear. 

Too close.

“Despite the fact that you know we require so little, and that doing what I say would grant you better treatment, effective immediately.”

Sora’s neck burned. 

He saw—felt—her hand lower towards her left bracelet and he flinched, he felt the muscles in his neck seize—

After a second, he realized she hadn’t touched it— her hand was back on her hip. 

She hadn’t pressed it. 

Hadn’t even touched the remote. 

Amira frowned. 

“You want me to press it for real this time?” she asked, a momentary drop of irritation in an otherwise cool facade. 

“Rather, not just yet. I think if I could simply shock this attitude out of you, it would’ve happened by now.”

Beneath a mess of ash-brown hair, Sora’s eyes widened slightly, but remained trained on that place on the floor. Hovering somewhere on the laces of her boots. 

“You’re lucky I’m so patient. I’m willing to work with you on that. So let’s try something else. Something a little more… out of the box.”

He had barely the time to process her words before—

“Yoojin!*

That snapped him out of it. There was a loud clanging sound, like metal slamming into the concrete wall. Sora winced at the sound, his eyes squeezed shut. It just made the ringing in his ears that much worse. 

He registered Amira stepping away from him, and he briefly, stupidly, felt grateful for the reprieve. 

Then, he heard that terrible, stupid laugh for a second time that afternoon. 

“Fiiiiinally….” Yoojin’s low chuckle reverberated off the walls. 

Sora audibly groaned. He already felt like he was getting a live lobotomy from the inside out. His head sank down to his chest. He was too fucking dizzy for this. 

Not this fucking guy. 

“I was losing my mind back there, you know.”

Sora scoffed. “Too late. She’s already tried ‘bad cop.’

“Oh, you haven’t seen bad cop.” 

He could almost feel it before it even happened. He didn’t see her do it, leaning against the back wall of the room as she was now. But Amira’s finger had tapped at the remote on her wrist, and it had sent white hot pain shot through Sora’s throat—squeezing and twisting the tendons on his neck into a horrible knot that forced his chin down and his features to contort with the pain and the voltage, as though stretched apart so tightly they’d break entirely. 

“Why the—why the fuck—cant you—j- just— turn it—around—fuck—why the fuck is it— is it — .. “ 

‘Why was the voltage box on the collar pressed against the front of your neck?” Amira asked, like she was inside his head.  He thought it had come out less than intelligible. 

“Call it a happy accident.” Amira turned, collected the tablet from the nearby table, and promptly strode toward the exit. 

Sora could feel his eyes on him the moment Amira shut the door behind her.

 “Shit, you don’t look so good, hot-shot.” Yoojin’s voice echoed over the silence, smiling through every word. 

The hot-shot in question was promptly trying to look anywhere but right in front of him, trying to think of anything but the reality of who he had just been left alone with, who just happened to be, in Sora’s fine opinion, the worst one he had met so far. 

“I think it’s time we hear you scream for real. Cmon, I know you can do better than whatever that was.”

Yep, definitely the worst. He’d be surprised if any of these half-witted mafia goons could come up with a worse bastard-piece-of-shit-asshole than this guy. 

“Frankly, I was just surprised you took so many shocks without fucking passing out.” 

Ohh.. to rip this fucker’s tongue out so he’d finally— “Shut the fuck up.”

“Yeah? Giving me ideas?” Yoojin audibly smirked, and Sora looked up just in time to see him sticking out his tongue and making a scissors motion with his free hand. 

He was goating him again. It was no different. Different day, same Yoojin. Sora was so sick of this game. 

But he shut up after that, which left him with nothing to do but hang there by his wrists as Yoojin crossed the warehouse floor, taking his sweet fucking time. 

He willed the pain in his shoulders to distract him from whatever braindead thing Yoojin would say next. 

But he didn’t hear his voice, at least not right away—only a low scraping, trailing along behind nearly quiet footsteps. He was dragging something behind him. Sora could hear it screeching along the concrete, and the pain in his head throbbed—he was so fucking dizzy. 

Okay, maybe he was a little concussed. 

Or just shocked fucking stupid. 

The muscles in his throat twitched again, at the mere thought. 

“What, not even a hello?”

Sora still didn’t look up. Fuck this guy. Sora could hear him smiling. 

The footsteps stopped, taking the awful dragging sound with it.

Sora didn’t look up. 

“Cmon, you didn’t miss me even a little?”

Sora didn’t even want to entertain him. 

“Nothing to say? Aren’t you gonna at least tell me what a big piece of shit I am? Better get some insults out while you still can, right?” 

His boot nudged Sora’s exposed ribs, teasingly, and Sora momentarily lost his focus on that spot on the ground and snapped his gaze up to Yoojin, eyes wild and furious. 

“If you’re asking me to insult you—“

Yoojin’s boot slammed right into his stomach. Sora coughed hard as the wind was gutted from his lungs and his entire body collapsed and cringed over. He rather fruitlessly tried to fold in half as he wheezed and gagged his way back to functioning airways, but the awkward position prevented him. His knees stayed folded below him, his arms strained above his head, yanking against the chains that affixed them to the ceiling, 

“I’m asking if you’d even dare.”

Sora would fucking skin him alive. 

“Go fuck yourself you piece of shi—“ but his words died in his mouth when he saw Yoojin’s hand approach. 

Yoojin gripped his jaw, wrapping around his face before Sora yanked his head away. The sudden movement sent a loud clang down the chains and shot pins and needles through his arms. 

He hadn’t realized they’d fallen asleep. 

Fine. No more sudden movements. Sudden movement fucking hurt. His sore muscles seemed to boil and seize as fresh blood reunited with oxygen-starved tissue. 

“Piece of. Shit.” Sora finished. 

In the time he’d caught his breath, Yoojin had re-strategized. Sora felt fingers along his scalp, roughly grazing before twisting a tight fist into his hair. Yoojin yanked his head back all the way until Sora let out a choked cry.

This was quickly becoming a favorite of his. It always seemed to shut Sora up right away.

“You don’t wanna play nice? Fine. I’ve got something new I’ve been wanting to try out.” 

As if there was ever another option with Yoojin. As if he knew the first fucking thing about playing nice.

Yoojin released his hair and Sora’s head fell forward. He squinted his eyes and flexed the muscles in his neck, trying to ease the tightness at the strain of the past few moments. 

Sora hadn’t even noticed Yoojin had left his side until he felt something sharp press into his back. He felt his blood run cold instantly, nearly freezing in his veins. He felt his heart slow—almost stop—like it would let his cells drift, suspended, through the cold, liquified sludge. 

A knife? A box cutter? What was it? It felt bigger than that. Sturdier, somwhow. But it had an edge. 

“Come on. Whatever you’re planning can you just get it over with?  I’m trying to limit the amount of hours per day I have to see your fucking face.” 

“How sad. It’s like you don’t care at all about having fun. Are you really gonna just sulk the whole time?” 

“I fucking hate you,” Sora seethed. 

Yoojin smiled wide. He seemed to like the insults. It was part of the game to him, Sora had gleaned. 

“Am I going to have to get creative?” He leaned down to Sora’s eye-level. “‘Cuz I’ve got a lot of new ideas, you know. You’re quite a fun assignment.”

Yoojin was too close to cloose—wayyy too close. Again. He leaned in until their noses nearly touched. Sora grimaced. Yoojin smiled. That look was back in his eyes again. 

“You’re inspiring. You really are.”

Sora grimaced. What the fuck was that even supposed to mean??

Yoojin must have read his face, because he continued. 

“I was so fucking bored before you showed up. You know that?”

Sora blinked.

“She had me benched for, like—over a month, I swear. For some fucking stupid reason.”

Sora cocked an eyebrow.

Yoojin frowned. “Shut the fuck up. Don’t even say it.”

“I was gonna say I could name a few—”

Yoojin’s nostrils flared—he swung a roundhouse straight into Sora’s ribs. 

Sora coughed sharply, doubling over for a moment before straightening, his eyes watering.

“…Reasons.”

Yoojin grit his teeth and let out a frustrated grunt as he made contact a second time.

“You think you’re so fucking funny, huh?”

Sora choked on another breath, failing to stay upright. This one must’ve hit something deeper—softer. Organs and all that, Yoojin considered absently.

For a moment, all Yoojin could hear was the ragged sound of Sora’s breathing and the heavy pound of blood in both their ears. Just long enough for him to think Sora would finally shut his stupid mouth for once.

Sora coughed again, voice hoarse.

“Well, someone here has to be.”

༻✦༺

General writing taglist:

  @whumpsday @a-whump-sideblog @whump-it-like-its-hot @wolfeyedwitch

@whumper-soot @unorganisedalienrubbish @hidden-dreamland @whumpedydump @lonesome--hunter

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Just ask to be added or removed!

[taleya15]

"Just friends"

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring *

"Nothing. Again. Great." Mike sighed against the wall of his basement. He hates when Joyce is working, which is constantly now. He rings up Dustin to complain. Because Lucas is at basketball practice like always. So Dustin is all Mike has now. It's weird because Will used to be the person Mike would go to so he can complain and rant to. Now Will's mom is the reason he complains. Dustin is quick to answer like always, and for a moment Mike feels grateful.

"No answer?"

"Nope. Nothing. I'll try again in an hour, but for now! What the actual fuck dude! I hate Joyce's job! It's so stupid that I basically have to schedule a meeting with my best friend!"

"I know. I know man. I'm sorry."

Mike sighs out but doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Thanks for trying though man."

"Of course man. But hey listen I gotta go, my mom's calling me up. She wants a new cat."

"Oh. Haha have fun."

"I won't. See ya man."

"See ya!" With the sound of the hanging up beep, Mike sighs again and walks to the couch. He plops down dramatically and starts thinking. He hates this so much. All he wants to do is at least talk to Will. The only thing that can calm him down in a bad mood is Will. El helps when she can, but Will is the only one who can fix it completely.

He hates that too. He hates that the only person who can calm him down is the person he can never reach. He hates that he can't go to his girlfriend about this. She could only understand and help so much. But Will.. he understands everything Mike says. Sometimes Mike wishes Will was a girl. Then maybe it'd be easier, but he loves El. At least he thinks he does anyway. Eventually he realizes the time and realizes the full hour has passed. An hour of self loathing and anxiety. Great another one.

Mike gets up again and goes to the phone. He almost doesn't pick it up. He almost just leaves it alone and goes to sulk for the night. It wouldn’t be the first time. But something in him tells him to try again. Maybe it's his stubbornness, or his desire to talk to Will that does it. But he picks the phone up anyway and while he puts the number in he gets a weird rush of Deja Vu. But he pushes on and listens to ring of the phone. It's five rings later and he almost hangs up. But then there’s a different sound, a pause then the sound of the phones connecting.

"Hello, Byers residents. Joyce speaking."

"Oh! Joyce hey!"

"Mike? Oh hi hun! Haven't heard from you in a while! What's going on? How's school going?"

"Uh. Yeah school's great thanks."

"Right! Silly me! You're calling for Will aren't you?"

"Haha yes ma'am I am. Is he there?"

"Yes! I'll put him on now!"

There's a muffled sound of Joyce's voice then there's something different that happens.

"Uh hello?" Will answers the phone seemingly confused. His voice seems deeper, like three octaves deeper. It surprises Mike for a moment, but he pushes past his initial thoughts and speaks to him. Finally.

"Will!"

"Mike! Hey man! How- how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah. Yeah I know sorry man." I tried calling you, like every day. But that sentence dies in his throat. He wouldn't dare say that out loud. He'll sound like a wimp.

"That-that's ok! How's it going?"

"Um. It- it's fine thanks. How um how is it for you?"

“... good. Are you sure you're ok? You can tell me." Great. He saw right through it like aways.

"I- I just honestly had a terrible day today." He sighs uncomfortably he really doesn't want to elaborate. But he knows he has to.

"Oh I'm sorry what happened?" Mike sighs again and thinks of something to say. He can't say the real reason why. He can barely admit to himself the real reason.

"Oh. Um I got a bad grade on my exam today." That actually was true, he did get a really bad grade on an exam today in math. But he honestly didn't care about that. He couldn't care less about it, but it was the only thing he could think to say.

"Oh man! I'm sorry I understand, is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I- I don't know right now."

"Well I can distract you."

"That sounds great actually."

For the next ten minutes Will talks about anything that he can think of. Mike mostly listens, but he loves the conversation. He feels at ease for the first time all day. And for a moment, a single moment he wishes he could tell Will what he's desperately wanting to tell him. He's dying to confess to him, to say 'Will, I'm so desperately in love with you. I wish I could be with you, I don't care about El. She's nothing to me, because I can't have you.’ But instead he just listens and reminds himself that they're "just friends". And Mike would never dare ask Will his feelings either.

Because he's convinced that Will's straight, but is he?

[fadeling]

if it were up to me i could fix the alistair companion quest. i mean most people probably could but i definitely would. here's my pitch:

so alistair is a guy who is actually pretty even-keeled throughout the story, although undeniable that he's idealist and naive. the thing that makes him cool is that hes not simply a bumbling fool covering it up with desperate attempts at sarcasm, he knows his own weaknesses and his sardonic attitude lampshades that while also letting you in on the joke. hes always aware of the fact that hes like if a failgirl was a boy and instead of trying to fight against that impression, he shrugs his shoulders and lets it happen. he lives in a terrible world in a faction that exposes him to The Horrors, so he has to operate on a casual, malleable attitude even if that isn't really true to his heart

that discrepancy makes him confused, conflicted, and most of all: extremely vulnerable to moments of extreme genuineness. (his romance works much in the same vein i think) the way his personal quest starts in the game is actually perfect for showing that about him. he gets ahead of himself, he lets his hopes become known and it's obvious how much he wants to Try even if he understands why the warden may reject him. if the warden accepts, it reinforces him getting his hopes up and he unknowingly feels a bit safer in letting hid idealism just exist for a bit

it's for these reasons that i actually wouldnt change how it starts or the way it's initially presented. i'm even going to keep the fact that he thinks hes the son of a maid and has a sister, because thats what eamon told him and i'm sure it was reinforced by duncan too. i dont think it's a problem for alistair to be wrong about his lineage, but something needs to be done about that

so you arrive at goldanna's house (she would also be given a name that isnt fucking stupid btw) and she's not in a great mood because shes busy and these strangers just kind of demanded her attention to talk about he's her brother when it turns out her mother never died during childbirth at all. she worked at redcliffe's manor but she like, left, man. she did die but that that was a few years later and its actually really annoying that i have to talk about it to two strangers.

her rudeness would be more justified because shes just trying to live her life but this guy has to show up at her door and hallucinate a backstory and promptly get his whole world flipped upside down. it's not really something she had the mental capacity for she just wanted to do the laundry.

NOW this would mean that alistair went into this hoping to gain something, but actually lost more than what he started with. losing the ideal domestic family dynamic stings, sure, but the strongest familial ties he had in the first place were with eamon (a little bit) and ESPECIALLY duncan. now he has good reason to doubt both of them, one of them being especially difficult because it's tangled in so much grief too.

alistair takes a chance on something, finally sticks his neck out, and then he gets hurt. the warden can help him process that in a few different ways; you could coddle him by insisting she sucks and was probably lying anyway, or you could encourage him to acknowledge the truth and still persist anyway. there could even be the asshole third option where you tell him that hes too cringe to live idk. there could even be more things to say, the point is that the sentiment of the warden would accurately reflect how his attitude changes when hes hardened thats all

also theres a bonus opportunity for adding another layer of drama between him and eamon with very little extra effort, and thats always good

[that-hazbin]

Your angel AU now has me by the THROAT.

I’m assuming that Alastor goes to Hell basically immediately after Emily tells him that Lucifer Fell and hopes that Lucifer didn’t just forget about him (even if everyone else had).

That reunion will be messy, and I think that in a way Lucifer didn’t forget about Alastor—I am now convinced that the apple on Lucifer’s hat is the one he meant to give Alastor and no one can convince me otherwise—but thoughts of him kind of fell to the wayside as other things took priority. I imagine Lucifer will be a mix of happiness to see Alastor, and horrified guilt because he was left in that garden for 10,000 years alone and it’s his fault. You said this whole idea was based on Spinel, so I’d think Alastor is a mix of terrible sadness and frothing fury, oscillating between the two in turns.

You have set up a situation that will have severe emotional repercussions that are delicious to contemplate; thank you for sharing your ideas and writing with us, and I respectfully request more.

I shortened a lot of this AU because I wanted people to make their own thoughts on it, but I've got a lot of personal thoughts for it that makes it fun. One of them is that in this AU, Alastor doesn't have wings. He was made for Lucifer as basically his doll, and so he wasn't allowed flight. If he needed to go anywhere, he needed Lucifer to fly him around. So leaving Heaven to get to Hell would, in fact, be really difficult. He can't just fly down the way Adam and his exorcists can.

Granted, since Lucifer fell, maybe Alastor thinks "alright I'll do that too" and just bodily throws himself over the edge. That would be a NASTY reunion for Lucifer. Sees some meteor falling from Heaven, flies up to stop it, only to realize "Hey wait is that a person— IS THAT ALASTOR?!"

Meanwhile Emily, who witnessed this poor WINGLESS guy JUMP FOR HELL, is frantically trying to call up Charlie and give her like. A warning. Perhaps an explanation.

Lucifer and Alastor would have the most messed up reunion in this case. Alastor is still operating on the idea that his whole existence is to please Lucifer in some way, specifically to make him happy, to entertain him. In Lucifer's mind, this means that Alastor literally condemned himself to the most painful action in existence because of HIM. He never managed to give Alastor the fruit of knowledge like he planned, and it resulted in this.

Unbeknownst to Lucifer, Alastor isn't completely bereft of free will. Otherwise, he wouldn't be... feeling the emotions that he's feeling. He's hurt, saddened, and filled with so much anger. And Alastor is not going to direct that anger at Lucifer, of course not, it's not his fault that Alastor waited for ten-thousand years for no reason. (Except, it kind of is, but NO IT ISN'T.)

Things will hit a boiling point, though, when Lucifer suggests getting Alastor back into Heaven. Because obviously Alastor doesn't deserve to be in Hell, it sucks here, and Alastor deserves better— except that's not what Alastor hears. What Alastor hears is that despite waiting several millennia for this moment, Lucifer doesn't actually want him around and is planning on getting rid of him. Wiping his hands of him. Why not, right? Every other angel in Heaven has forgotten about his very existence, and here's Lucifer, the one he was made for, trying to do the same!

Alastor would just. Explode. He's confused and so, so furious. What exactly did he do wrong this time? Why isn't his friend happy to see him, why doesn't he want Alastor to stay? Is he seriously going to abandon Alastor AGAIN?! TEN THOUSAND YEARS! He can't do it again, he can't.

It would take a while before Alastor calms down.

[duusheen]

Is it terrible of me that I feel like Pandora kind of deserves this rude awakening?

well I also think she deserves it 🤣 Let's think about this for a moment. No matter how bad Sterling was as a father, he didn't do such a terrible job for her to treat him practically like a walking bank account. I mean, she knows her dad very well. If she had stopped to think for just a second, she would have realized that if Sterling is paying for Phoenix's education and supporting him, Roxie, and their two kids until he finish college, then Sterling wouldn't have had a problem with her moving to Mt. Komorebi to be with Yaoko and giving her money while Pandora figured out what to do with her future 😭 Sterling doesn't care about the money, he just wants his kids to be happy. He's only mad because she LIED TO HIM, not because of what she did.

And about Fawn? The girl was at home feeling terrible for wanting Pandora's brother while Pandora was at the casino flirting with Ash and trying to steal Yaoko from Kenshi, so technically she can be mad all she wants, but it was the consequences of her actions that got her into this situation 🙄