#I feel like everyday this past week I've wanted to eat 2 different meals for dinner
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Potentially triggering post about eating behaviors below the cut. Please view at your own discretion:
Lay's classic potato chips have had me in their chokehold since I was a young kid
While in the past they helped me regain my appetite when my mood was low, I now feel like I'm overeating them and I don't want that for me
So once I get through this pack I'm not gonna buy anymore until I return home in July
#this might get personal#I went a few weeks last year not eating any#but that was after I returned from Barbados so I was at an emotional/mental high at the time#rn I'm pretty stressed anticipating this transition and I feel like I'm overeating in a sense#in the past when I was stressed I would isolate myself and go longer periods of time without eating#but I got a job to do and I need some energy to sustain me - I can't just not eat like before#now idk if cutting out the chips will help with the overeating bc I still want to eat different foods#but at least it'll be one less processed food I'm consuming#I feel like everyday this past week I've wanted to eat 2 different meals for dinner#and I'd eat but I'm just not feeling full like I normally would#and I'm eating homemade sandwiches and rice beans chicken n veggies#absolutely wild#tw#idk how to tag a potential tw for eating disorders cause I've never had a concern about eating before#let me put a warning in the title of this and put the text under the cut
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8 pages of tweets - more recent - before last two weeks.
"June 15th tweets
"YouTube ‚the day miura jam‚It‚a rock Japanese song from anime
"June 16th tweets...",
"so we're midway through June...",
"you know what comes to mind? napkins and toiletries...-",
"- a disgusting combination in speech, but hey, the concept of paper towels came to mind...In India &elsewhere, after eating a meal, we're taught to rinse our hands &mouth w/water. In America, especially in the busy, \"time spent outside the house\" life, people rely on napkins...-",
"- i guess the idea is the napkin absorbs the food or drink surrounding your mouth...i mean hey, it's convenient...who wants to rinse their mouth in a public bathroom where water from the sink could splash back on you...and then i dunno how Americans freshen their breath...-",
"- ive seen some people @ work brush their teeth after lunch @ work...i guess others just chew gum or take mints..just mentioning a difference in lifestyles..&then on the more comical note, using toilet tissue &then laying in a bathtub &letting the water do the work-Im assuming..-",
"- i think baths have gotten out of style...i think more people use the shower head nowadays...i dunno...but aftr the use of toilet tissue, are you assuming the water does the work?! In countries outside America, people \"wash themselves\" instead of toilet paper, or use both.-",
"- i mean solely using toilet paper is kind of disgusting as you leave yourself dirty...and in America, I think people explore beyond the Kama Sutra, and \"go anal\" in relationships..considering heavy reliance on toilet paper, kind of grimy.-",
"-.i dunno just thinking..how do the foreign Americans do things? so we covered napkins, toilet paper, ... what about paper towels? Like Bounty? Bounty 4 me has become synonymous with \"paper towel.\" Does it really clean a spill? I mean you can try drying your table of the liquid-",
"- with a paper towel. but the table still might be sticky...doesn't it make sense to wipe that portion of the table again with a wet paper towel? Water cleans, right? just thinking...how do other people do everyday things?!",
"on a related note, i found these multipurpose natural wipes on Amazon, after seeing my mom use Lysol or whatever for various things...its from \"Good Life Solutions\"... search \"all natural surface cleaning wipes\"-they're multipurpose...-",
"- &when I mention a product on this platform, I don't get paid by them to say it. I search for good stuff when a need arises. Im sharing the knowledge, or with the selfish incentive of showing the good of these products, so that more people buy them, & make the prices go down.",
"- i mean like Rebbl drinks or \"Smart Water Renew\"...good in place of coffee...but they cost $4.50 and $2.50 a bottle, respectively. If more people got interested, maybe the prices would go down...",
"- but i've mentioned that in the past already...",
"Youtube \"Goku Jiren Rap\" from Anime...as invigorating as \"Gasolina\" from Daddy Yankee...",
-\Goku Jiren Rap\ youtube link: https://t.co/iGgCCK49WC
"you know what's an awesome way of walking? Like Master Roshi from DragonBall (not the Z series, but the original/beginning series). He walks with this hands folded behind his back. I imitate that...i think its cool and it makes the back also feel good...-",
"-also i guess it shows I'm a proud DragonBall or DragonBall Z fan...I collect their figures, and collect models of the seven dragon balls in a wooden chest...",
"It‚weird, but,My childhoodPediatrician &my lifelongDentist areIndians from the stateOfGujurat. Just happening 2 seeThem today was symbolic of ‚theOldLife‚ ‚b4 the situation‚. seeingThem felt like a pieceOfHome.So, naturally, U ameesha Patel look a likes, we‚re already family.",
"- so seeing Indian people made me think of India, which made me think of my grandparents. While I‚m a coffee drinker, the people of my background, in India, drink tea. My grandmother brings tea to my grandfather and all our cousins, while we sit on the front porch. -",
"- while they all drink a version of masala chai or simply chai, my mother will bring me green tea, as coffee wasn‚t available at my grandparents, and I didn‚t think to bring instant coffee or some expensive portable coffee/espresso machine. Throughout the day, my aunts, grandma,-",
"- and mom, spend time in this big kitchen, while my grandfather and my cousin brothers and sisters and me play cards. It makes you wonder‚growing up watching modern day Bollywood movies and living in America amidst my strict parents, I wanted a woman who would be my equal,-",
"- my partner in crime, someone I could put on a pedastil. I wanted someone I could cook a meal together with‚but this notion of women bringing their husbands coffee or tea-do modern day women do that? WomenByNature are pictured as nurturing care givers. I think in recent times-",
"- women have mutated to the other extreme, along with ‚gender reversals.‚ While I feel Greek families feel the same wAy, Indian families fear American women for their sons as they‚re depicted as walking all over men. In modernTimes, I feel women try 2 find a guy who‚successful-",
"- and look to a life of yoga and wellness while their husbands try to prevent their wives from divorcing them‚scary‚whoever I get as my girlfriend or wife, she should have a solid degree. Personally, I want a certain quality to my future life or future family life like my -",
"- friend Sean and his wife, who are both lawyers. Life can be scary. It helps to have a wife who‚with you through thick and thin, through sickness and health, and with respect to degrees, if one person in a relationship loses their job, you partner would still have theirs, -",
"- thereby continuing your same quality of life and maybe even helping you get another job. A woman with a real degree is important, or at least the desire and potential for a real degree, or a stabile business.-",
"-I don‚t want every burden placed on me, especially after ‚this situation.‚ I want a woman who gives me peace of mind. A life of tranquility and happiness‚lonely Indian male seeking a ‚partner‚ in crime-nothing less, nothing more
June 16th tweets right side up in tumblr blog link below: https://t.co/F4BFjzbs06
"June 17th tweets...",
"- you know what's cool? Gas spring wall mounted monitors...you can turn the monitor in any direction, raise it higher, lower, whatever...the gas spring is key...",
"so i bought Ugg Men's In House shoes...(do men call these slippers?! i dunno)...I went through several pairs from exchanges/returns. Why? The fuzz or fur inside is being pulled out/apart in all directions, right out of the box...Come on Amazon...aren't you guys about quality?!",
"So I saw \"Superman & Louis\" on the CW app, the other day. Lara (would like that name for a potentialDaughter, but moving on..), a.k.a. Superman's Kryptonian mom was revealed 2be married to 1 man, had a child, &then married Superman's dad, Jor-El-whom she later fell in love with.-",
"- this was said in passing on the show, as part of a different theme. But it makes you wonder...Are all women like this? Constantly out to seek \"the best deal\", regardless of stage of life? After having a son with 1 man, she falls in love with another and has another child...-",
"- what happens to marriage vows? Are these just empty words among America's pandemic of empty promises, hopes, and help? These words of through sickness and health, whatever, are meant to have power. These kind of things give life meaning and power...-",
"- Things aren't working out with your partner? Work things out. The option of divorce, I feel, makes people try less harder. Your partner is literally supposed to be ur other half. You are one being. There are extreme cases of people being abused, but the rest is ego. -",
"- U marry me, ur stuck with me for eternity and beyond...think about it...u being my half is like my hand which is part of me...not going anywhere without my hand...duhhh...huhhh, womennnn...",
"moving on...From Run Girls, Run!, YouTube anime song ‚share the light‚ - kinda girly, but catchy jingle...",
"YouTube ‚Ultra instinct (trap remix)‚",
"On a differentNote, U can learnSomething fromThe IndianConcept of arrangedMarriages, America..Whereas U have theOpportunity of datingAround, findingPeople who share in ur hobbies/interest, make U feelExtraordinary, Indians,for centuries&beyond have been paired by theirParents.-",
"- If you talk to Indian couples, who probably have nothing in common, they say, they and their spouses have a \"deep bond.\"They're bound by simply having the constant presence of another...someone to talk to, someone to care for them, and so forth...-",
"- This American thing about common hobbies/interests, making you feel special - these are biological feelings/impulses. You need to expand ur mind: \"who will always be there for you?\" Astrology and hobbies aren't what forms a \"connection.\" It is the answer to that question...",
"Check out \"Mud Wtr\" on Google, as an alternative to caffeine‚nothing to do with actual \"mud\" - that's just what its called...good stuff, but expensive...",
"@shakira is the single most beautiful blonde in the world And @missmorenab (Morena Baccarin) is the most beautiful brunette in the world...hands down...",
"If regular coffee doesn't do it for you, you can search and find coffees like \"Kion Coffee\", or, on the other extreme, \"Death Wish Coffee.\" But remember, different stuff holds the potential of working for different people. Looking for options? Give one of them a try..good stuff..",
"I want to get to a point where I‚m traveling and have a secretary. I want to get to a point where when I go downstairs, breakfast is ready...when I need something, it‚before me‚don't want to worry about the little things...",
"Try the \" CoreStretch \" from Amazon...quick way to stretch your back and other muscles...",
"After shaving, there isn‚t a single after shave out there that reduces post shaving sensitivity, preparing u 4 tomorrow‚shave. Ive found a cream in Indian Ayurveda, alleviating that ‚ahhh it burns/stings!!!‚ post shave feeling by piling on the cream when no 1 supposedly looks.",
"So I found out that Miranda Cosgrove, Nickelodeon's \"Carly Shay\" from iCarly, made $180,000 per episode from a legally/appropriately run show...for this illegal relaying of me, from lawsuits and salary-never-received, I'm going to say $180,000 per relaying is the base line...",
"so moving on...now...don't get me wrong, but i'm not into, getting into the following subject. but the majestic orchestrators of \"the situation\" frequently keep talking about a girl \"I knew 'of' \" and don't in fact know. I don't know why. -",
"- I remember a family member commenting on some show that filmed teenagers doing drugs, while I was walking by. Notion of possible cameras came 2 mind. But then how is it powered, where would you put it?-",
"-When I attempted engineering, I saw a magazine page about hacking thru the wireless card in laptops. Wireless hackingWhen I was in my 20s, people were making a fuss about the NSA monitoring text messages.-",
"- do you know how to disable the wireless hacking of a phone? You remove the battery. I stuck with Samsung phones that gave that capability. I invested in Faraday cage phone/laptop sleeves. Now from MacBooks to iPhones and tablets, you cannot remove the battery. Conspiracy?!-",
"- you hear of extraordinary people throughout history, some we regard as saints in Churches like the Catholic Church. You hear of Nostradamis, you hear of the unkillable Raspitin. But there seems to be a push to making humanity bland as mayonnaise and believe life is bland-",
"- religion, with watching out for things like the 7 deadly sins (envy, lust, gluttony, etc.), was about strengthening the mind to give focus to do incredible things. Now it‚replaced by psychiatry. You don‚t hear things about saints who perform miraculous cures or resolutions.-",
"- people question whether Christ or Rama or Buddha even existed. From the Christian standpoint, something motivated 12 men to converse, be able to converse, & travel half way across globe 2 spread a message that‚d make man more than the inclinations detected by brain mapping.-",
"- something incredible clearly fueled those men. But what am I getting it? The potential of humankind seems to be coerced into the sense of ‚good enough‚ or just ‚ getting by.‚ What if we could remember things without our phones reminding us?-",
"-What if we didn‚t need Alexa or Google to turn off our lights or control our thermostat? What if, like God saying, ‚let there be light,‚ we could turn on the lights with our will?-",
"-You know what‚another conspiracy? If in case, we manage to will our television on, people‚d assume it‚their home controlling technology. If we believe, we truly can move mountains, at least when one government isn‚t controlling all the pieces on the chess board.-",
"- I‚ve witnessed effects of my typing on my phone, my computer, temptations for a burger, I‚m cognizant of the dangers of the mics on phone and Alexa devices. Am I to just assume that there might be a camera in my bedroom, in the direction of my chair or television? -",
"- is that what other people are supposed 2 believe or just me? I just don‚t get how u can keep something like brain mapping, mind reading, mind control a nonexistent conversation. U see newspapers&tv shows advocating reach of a persons consciousness like the Quantum Leap tv show-",
"- at times, by ruling out all that something isn‚t, you get an idea of what it is. I‚m not special. I had more than a decade for this to roll around in my head.-",
"- on the one hand, religion is replaced with psychiatry, miracles or ufos or extraordinary things are explained away, things like Alexa devices are depicted as reasons for automated actions‚but then ur also doing brain mapping. I say the latter because -",
"- Society, culture, the American government?!, seems to minimize humanity is something with limited potential, something bound by hunger like an animal, that thought becomes action. I believe India‚Hindus were the first brain mappers. That‚what astrology is. It‚been done.-",
"- Indian astrology says ur personality strengths/weaknesses, potential profession, potential spouse‚but problem w/ fate/biology/astrology is that something is telling you: this is as far as U can go. I‚m a Libran, ironically the scales of justice in a very unjust situation.-",
"- apparently romantically, the stars say Im only compatible with Geminis and Aquarius. But God has given me and everyone free will. It‚one of the staples of the Adam/Eve story. I can choose to react to a desire, a need, a hunger.-",
"-Christ is famously known as saying U can move mountains. Notion of walking on water is famously sourced in Him. Do U know what brain mapping & astrology (ancient Indian brain mapping) says? It says Ill end up here or there or can B muscular enough 2 do pull ups & only pull ups.-",
"-but if I accept to choose the rule or the stipulation of someone‚science, I end up ‚choosing‚ to not try to lift a car.-",
"- If I accept that only Geminis are a romantic match for me, I fail to find some1 who connects w/ my beliefs & values. I may give up on it early b/c forms of brain mapping says it‚pointless. Believe, and you‚ll move mountains.-",
"- From Adam/Eve story, we learn man has 2 toil 2 make something happen. Toil is part of our nature as we ate from tree of knowledge of good & evil or ate from the tree of ‚awareness‚. Being made in the image of God, gives us free will, the ability to choose, the ability to rise.-",
"- If the government is denying remote viewing, how do they explain my situation in terms of what‚happening to me, through what‚justified as innocent fun or entertainment?-",
an interesting link: https://t.co/UDCg9gUfAA
"- people are so busy wanting 2 see next tantalizing thing in my situation or watch apparent guy w/everything get screwed, ur oblivious 2 fact some form of mind manipulation is occurring. R people so stupid to believe that by letting this happen 2 me, it won‚t happen 2 them?-",
"- lemme guess: while making some retarded point about electronic devices, some of you think it‚all smoke and mirrors or the result of ‚hacking through cell phone cameras and mics or hacking a laptop.‚ Maybe you think theres hacking of cc tv cameras at supermarkets-",
"- I just don‚t understand, how even if it was a series of tech hacks or legit ‚remote viewing‚(searchable term) with legit mind reading, how people remain calm, how mental health issues aren‚t on the rise. -",
"- ur so glued to my reaction to something that i cannot hear, conveying to you, what I think about you when you walk or drive by, that ur ignoring something could legitimately be reading your mind-I‚m the distraction to your reality‚-",
"- it‚scary for me because there‚the implication of foul play in my life while leaving me to be royally screwed by our government pretending to be a school or kids or some family show. Something is studying all of you.-",
"- you hear on the news about a mob robbing an Apple Store or shootings. People are less hinged than before. How is there not more chaos with the reality of mind reading and mind control?-",
"- people believe the most stupid made up fancy smancy sounding words like predictive analytics or people ‚believing what they want to‚. Psychology is Americas way of explaining away the supernatural in people‚lives.-",
"- maybe even the mind reading aspect is explained away, leaving people tempted and susceptible to just accepting it: -",
"- thru observation & being guy in something for a decade, & knowing what should & shouldn‚t be possible: legally, realistically, practically- I‚m assuming this has to do w/brain mapping, fMRIs, saying something in my head & recording it or seeing which emotion lights up-",
"- I recall Obama talking about mapping out the brain as an initiative‚are American presidents okaying this massive secret against me? Was he talking about mapping my brain?-",
"- Do you really think when ‚remote viewing‚ has been a topic for so long that the crude form of mind reading I mentioned 2 tweets ago is the only way to read a mind?-",
"- & thing about my situation? Its foundation or what it‚built on, are a series of crime by university officials, and students I‚ve filed several complaints about. Is the government so sadistic against a brown man that they give people he complained about, access 2 his brain?!-",
"- they think it‚okay to do this or justifiable until I give specifics about everything 2 some1 who will never acknowledge my situation. I used my senses & words like ‚platforms‚ 2 describe my situation.-",
"- R orchestrators waiting 4 me 2 use exact science term 2 believe I know what‚going on? R they waiting 4 me 2 psychically say all their names in place of labels like orchestrators?Whats an orchestrator? The guy or gal running my unheard of situation. Can U imagine my stress?-",
"- once again, check out terms like ‚stargate project‚ on Google, or ‚remote viewing Miami herald‚ 2 see newspaper article online. Government denied these things were happening as recent as 2017. So if they‚re still lying, how are they explaining & hiding what‚happening to me?!",
"- if something is waiting for me to somehow magically list extreme specifics to my situation, in order to see if its still humane, please bear in mind that \"experienced torture/perceived threats\" are still those things, no matter what language its stated in. -",
"- If I were mute, no words. If I was disabled, I'm just a sitting duck. End my invisible torture now. Only in America can things like this happen for more than a decade.",
"I like 2 use Twitter or X to convey my perspectives or truths. However, the service posts thoughts, extending beyond 1 tweet, in order of most recent post. It results in long thoughts posting backwards. U tend 2 know that 1 tweet is part of something bigger b/c of dashes.-",
- everything I posted today I've put right side up (not ordered by most recent tweet) on rare days like today in the link to my Tumblr page below: https://t.co/ffoLl7jVFC
- how many things will people just dismiss or accept passively‚the amount of detail that sounds off with things like the Denver airport? Towards the end there‚a good quote: ‚comedy is a method to dismiss horrific reality.‚ https://t.co/usHWNxt6UQ
"- but the theme of that clip might take away the reality to my situation. The amount of care and attention I give to detail and then it gets massaged with nice sounding things from me or others.-",
-attached clip makes good point in audio. video or images are irrelevant.It‚about what he‚saying. But you‚d be surprised how little people listen. People usually get gist of what every1 else is saying. To shun the attentive in society something condescending is directed.- https://t.co/TLQd38y5xP
- Again here too it‚about the audio that happens to be from the YouTube channel ‚The Why Files‚ on a conspiracy. Famous saying: ‚you‚re not paranoid if ‚‚ÄòThey‚ are‚ out to get you.‚ https://t.co/kkuqtphtKo
"RT @RennyJi: - everything I posted today, I've put right side up (not ordered by most recent tweet), on rare days like today, in the link t
"RT @RennyJi: I like 2 use Twitter or X to convey my perspectives or truths. However, the service posts thoughts, extending beyond 1 tweet,
"I always pictured self as one trying 2 get thru school or some present hurdle is, so that I could pave way 2 living/enjoying life I.e. minding own business. But who does ‚the government‚ target?- those in solitude, without much family/friends or some1 wholl disclose info 2 them.",
There‚this growing theme about the multiverse or transcendentalism in movies and tv shows. But what about themes like in the book 1984 and the thought police? & Did you know about people who are remote viewers for information gathering? Check out: https://t.co/08g1Wdu2jG
"#wednesdaythought #wednesdayvibe#Mindfulness#ProblemSolving #Awareness#Conspiracy#BigBrother#1984xAudible #Orwellian #Dystopia#mindcontrol #mind",
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Characters - Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader
Summary - Lockdown had really affected your social life and daily routine, luckily a certain someone was willing to help you get your life back to somewhat normal. What will happen when you start catching feelings?
Genre - Fluff
Warnings - Slight mentions of anxiety
Word Count - 2.3k
A/N - Back again with another Daichi fic! Are you surprised, probably not i got a one man mind lmao. This one isn’t as long as the last but still as fluffy, hopefully you enjoy reading it :) p.s. this was almost called Toothpaste I blame Jas👀
Covid-19 had really flipped your year in a completely different direction to what you were expecting. You started the year hoping to finish your last year of high-school on a high, helping the volleyball team get to nationals and getting into university. However, the world clearly had a different plan for you, when the virus first started you didn’t think much of it. Why would you? It was only when the announcement came that the country was going into lockdown that your brain finally registered what was actually happening. Being the slightly more extroverted individual you thrived off seeing your friends, plus both your parents worked as nurses. You were going to be alone.
The first few weeks went by pretty fast, managing to keep up a routine by going out for runs and making yourself eat at certain times. Even keeping in touch with your friends from the boys volleyball team as well as Kiyoko, one of your closest friends. However, after this fairly stable period you had a really bad day. Nothing went your way, blender… broken, guess you weren't having a smoothie this morning. After that frustrating incident Tanaka and Noya decided to start poking fun at you in the group chat, which you were NOT in the mood for. Group chat… Muted. It was also raining extremely heavy so you decided maybe a well deserved rest day was in order, throwing on the TV you flopped down on the couch to start your film marathon.
5am. That was the time it was when you finally passed out on the couch. How did you end up staying up that late, Harry Potter. Why you thought it was a good idea to start watching the films you don’t know, but you managed to watch them all, all 19 hours of them. That was all it took to mess your routine up for the next month, not waking up till 2-3pm everyday just to lounge around. Barely keeping in touch with anyone, you hadn’t talked in the groupchat for close to 3 weeks, hardly even thinking about eating anything but snacks.
Luckily you had a saving grace, Daichi. After going MIA , the third year’s started to get worried about you, especially Kiyoko. She had dmed you multiple times and got nothing in return, mainly because you saw the messages but forgot to reply. You were a whole ass mess to put it plainly.
~ 3rd Years Group Chat ~
Kiyoko - I’m worried about [y/n]...
Suga - Tell me about it, she hasn’t been in the chat for weeks
Daichi - Have you tried dming her?
Kiyoko - She is ignoring me, she hasn’t replied to one of my messages
Asahi - Maybe she’s just busy?
Daichi - In the middle of lockdown…
Suga - Yeah thats unlikely
Kiyoko - Can one of you dm her as well? I just want to make sure she’s ok?
Daichi - I can... i’ll let you know if she replies and if she doesn’t Asahi or Suga can try
Having received a concerned message from Daichi, you realised how much you had lost track of everything and anything. Replying to both him and Kiyoko apologising and explaining you had just forgotten to press send. Although Daichi wanted to believe that was the case he couldn’t, instead of being upfront about it though he started messaging you throughout the day. Just small things asking if you had eaten and if you were staying hydrated, little did he know that this helped you get back into a better rhythm of lockdown life.
You slowly fixed your sleep schedule and got back to eating 3 meals a day. Although you hadn’t managed to get back into running, your talks with Daichi slowly got more frequent and for longer periods of time. The more you talked to him the more motivated you started to feel, eventually you got back into your running routine. It no longer became the odd message to make sure you were eating, but full day conversations about anything you could think of. Eventually you started relying on talking to him to cure your lockdown loneliness, a day without talking to him was not a good day for you. Daichi being the fairly observant person that he is, started to realise and eventually bought it up.
Daichi :) - Hey [y/n], I've been meaning to bring something up with you, you mind if we call?
[y/n] - Yeah sure Dai, just call me whenever i don’t exactly have anything going on
Receiving this was like a bullet to the chest, worrying what it could be about you pulled your knees up to your chest steadying your breathing. As you were lost in your head, your phone started ringing. Answering it you heard his voice for the first time in close to 3 months, it was music to your ears. Slowly over these 2 months you had grown fond of the boy, but you had quickly dismissed the idea of anything forming between each other. Both having different priorities in life, being scared of rejection also didn’t help.
After an hour and a half of deep conversation, a couple tears shed but more laughter at the end. You collapsed backwards onto your bed, he had found out everything. How your parents were barely home, always doing long shifts at the hospital, how you felt like you had no one during those 3 weeks you were MIA. Most importantly though you had confessed that talking to him was like receiving a warm hug. It's exactly what you needed at this time, obviously you would love an actual hug as well but that's pretty hard from a 2m distance.
~ 1 week later ~
Your eyes went wide as they announced on the news that lockdown was starting to be lifted, you were now allowed to meet up with people outside at a safe distance. Smiling you quickly messaged Daichi telling him how excited you were that restrictions were finally being lifted.
Daichi :) - That's Great [y/n]!! So.. you fancy going on a socially distanced pic-nic tomorrow? Don’t worry about bringing anything but yourself. I got the rest covered, obviously if you're ok with that?😃
Reading the text over multiple times, pinching yourself to make sure it was real. You hadn’t seen Daichi in close to 3 months, and within that time you had developed feelings. What would it be like seeing him in person now, generally being awkward with past crushes, you started to worry about scaring him away. You couldn’t do that, you needed him. Taking a couple paces around the room thinking about what to reply, before realising you were most definitely overthinking it. He didn’t see you that way…
[y/n] - Yeah sure! Just let me know a time and place, i will be there
Daichi - 1pm at the park round the corner from your house?
[y/n] - See you there!!
The next morning you woke up with a huge smile plastered on your face, excited for the day ahead. Jumping out of bed and rummaging through your wardrobe you pulled out a cute summer dress, not too dressy but showed you put effort in none the less. The summer dress was red and was covered in little white flowers, you had only worn it a couple times and decided it needed another outing.
Walking down your road and around the corner to the park, the wind hitting your face made you feel like maybe the world was getting back to normal. As you walked through the gates, you noticed Daichi stood over by a slightly more wooded area, smiling as you made your way over to him. Greeting each other you forgot how much his laugh and smile made it seem like nothing else mattered, making your heart beat faster in your chest. He ended up leading you through the woods and into a small opening which had 2 picnic blankets laid down at the appropriate distance. As you got closer you noticed that there were sandwiches, fruit and small cakes on both.
‘You didn’t have to do this Daichi you know? A simple sandwich would have been fine?’ You started smiling at him, no one had ever gone to this much effort for you and honestly you felt bad. ‘It must have taken you a bit to set this up…’
‘Oh no, honestly don’t worry about it… i wanted to, neither have been out in a while so i figured why not?’ The laugh that came out sounded almost nervous, which confused you slightly… Was he really as nervous as you?
The afternoon went by quicker than both of you wanted. Chatting, cracking jokes and eating, which the food Daichi had made was really good. You had asked why he had never told you about his clear culinary skills, apparently this was the first time he had attempted something like this. Trying not to get too far ahead of yourself when he had mentioned this, even though you were freaking out. Mainly chatting about quarantine life and how you missed being out of lockdown, being able to socialise freely and do whatever you wanted.
You only realised how long you had been with Daichi when it started to get dark, letting him know you should probably be getting back. Even though in reality you could have stayed there for the rest of the night and into the early morning. Helping him pack everything up occasionally sneaking glances at him, wishing you could pull him into a hug or give him a peck on the cheek. Just to let him know how much he had helped you over the past month. Sadly you couldn’t, once everything had been packed away Daichi (being the gentleman that he is) offered to walk you back.
‘I had a really good afternoon, thank you for this Daichi…’ Smiling at him as you walk up to your front door.
‘Would you want to do something like this again maybe?’ The way he looked at you, his eyes almost pleading, with a slight smile gracing his lips. This made your heart instantly melt.
‘If you want to? I would love that!’
‘[y/n]... why would i ask if i didn’t want to?’ Raising a brow at you playfully.
‘Shut up you dork, i’ll see you soon then!’ Laughing as you walk through your door giving him a wave before closing it and sliding down it on the other side, trying to calm your heart that was about to burst through your chest.
Another couple weeks past, you had only met up with Daichi once more, but both were still texting all day with the occasional call. You also had met up with Kiyoko within these weeks, explaining your situation. She thought it was really funny how much you were worrying about it because to her it seemed obvious that he returned your feelings. You were still completely denying this fact though, it was something your brain really couldn’t fathom. However, the next day lockdown was reduced once again, you were now allowed to have people in your house from other families.
Being as excitable as you were and the fact your parents were out almost all of the time, you rattled off a text to Daichi asking him if he fancied a chill movie marathon night? Both of you deciding to watch The Hobbit trilogy later on in the evening. Hopping up from the couch you started cleaning the house, preparing snacks and setting up pillows as well as blankets on the couch. Seen as though it was a chill night you had decided on a pair of grey sweats and a plain v-neck t-shirt, that was tied so it wasn’t too long.
You had just finished setting everything up when there was a knock at the door, practically running to get it. Opening the door to his smiling face made something snap and you don’t know what came over yourself as you jumped into his arms, wrapping your own around him. Luckily he was quick to catch you.
‘What did i do to deserve this hug?’ He chuckles to himself as you nuzzle into his neck.
‘Everything. Daichi I owe you so much, you don’t even understand’ Letting out a sigh, he closes the door and carries you over to the couch. Placing you down next to him as you pout at him, sad that the hug was over so soon. You had waited for so long to be wrapped up in his arms and when you finally get the chance it barely lasts 2 minutes.
‘Listen Daichi… you have helped me so much over the past few months, and honestly…’ Taking a breath to figure out how to phrase your next words, however before you could say anything else he had pulled you back into his chest.
‘I like you too dork…’ Frozen in his arms, how long had he known… How long had he liked you back? All you could do in that moment was snake your arms round him and enjoy each other's company as he started the first film.
~ BONUS ~
‘How long have you liked me Daichi?’ You question him half way through the first film.
‘About 6 months give or take why?’ He turns his attention towards you and gives you a quick head kiss, before looking back to the film.
‘6 months… that's before we went into lockdown..?’
He hums, smirking at your clearly oblivious nature, as your brain was spiralling thinking about how many signals you missed.
Tags: @super-noya @stcrryskies @iwaxme @bb-noya @vventure @ardorwrites-hq-mha @scorpiosanssexy
#Daichi#sawamura daichi#daichi owns my whole ass heart#haikyuu#daichi#daichi sawamura#haikyuu fanfic#hq fanfic#daichi x reader#sawamura daichi x you#i am in love with this man#fanfic#oneshot#hq writing#daichi writing#daichi x you#haikyuu x you#hq daichi#hq anime
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Tw: ED (??), sh, depression, suicidal thoughts, abuse (??)
So yeah,
It feels weird to come back here even if it's a more recent account. The first time I made a tumblr account was when I was 13 and back then I was already really depressed because of trauma, my relationship with my parents and the fact that they were always saying that I faked being depressed and was just being dramatic and other shitty stuff.
Back then they thought I was a gay girl too but yeah I'm a bi trans boy and it makes everything so damn harder because everytime I try to talk about my mental health my mom just says that it's JUST because I'm trans and I should just be patient and wait to be 18 to start a transition while yes, dysphoria and the fact that my family isn't really supportive make me sad but my mental health has been getting so damn bad.
I've never really been a happy child, my parents divorced when I was 3-4, my mom found my stepdad who has always been an asshole to me and my little brother because we are not his "real" kids and would always yell at us and hit my brother and my mom has always been depressive and mentally ill (Ed, depression and trauma) so she is scared of him ig, anyways, she just never said anything about it, even when she noticed that we were really scared of him.
My bio father was supposed to take us at his place every weekend but after a year he stopped coming and dissappeared for 9 years. At the same time I started to get bullied at school by older kids and some kids in my class and I didn't have any friends because it was a shame for them to be friend with me.
At 11, I have been sexually assaulted by an older kid (he was 15 or something) leaving me with trauma.
At 12 I changed school and found friends, I was so unused to it and ashamed of my past that I spent my time lying to them so they'll like me and think I'm cool, I also started to smoke and drink in secret because I felt so much pain and the intrusive thoughts started to get loud.
At 13 my bio dad came back in my life because he owed a lot of money to my mom and wanted to use us to make my mom feel bad about it. I started self-harming lightly and depression started to settle in but I wasn't really understanding what was going on because the "hypomanic" phases and intrusive thoughts were getting more present causing me to lose the only friends I had and yeah I just didn't understand what the hell was going on. I tried to talk about my mental health to my parents but they told me that I was being dramatic and it's a normal thing to feel bad because I was an adolescent and questioning my identity (I came out as a lesbian back at this time) and decided to just punish me and take my phone away because I was spending too much time alone in my room and didn't do the chores.
At 14 I started to have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks while being in depressive episodes, I started an ed (feeling shameful for eating even a little amount of anything and purging, I don't want to give it any name because I have been diagnosed and yeah), I also began to self-harm more and deeper (still not bad, I don't want to lie for that type of stuff xd), I broke down one day and told everything to my parents (sh, depressive tendencies, smoke, suicidal thoughts etc) and once again they were like "yeah nah it can't be that bad, you just lie to have attention and have an excuse to stay in your room and just being stupid" but my mom saw my arms and thights and then was okay for me to go see a psychologist. So for a year I had the opportunity to talk with a professional who was really amazing, she prescribed me light sleep pills because of my insomnia while in depressive episodes and "hypomanic" (don't have a diagnosis but I have all the symptoms but then again I don't want to self diagnose because it could be wrong and be something else) ones but my mom always refused to give them to me. At the end of the year she wanted an appointment with my mom to talk about my mental health and the importance for me to go see a therapist to be diagnosed (bipolar disorder 2 (she was still questioning it) , anxiety disorder and depression or whatever, she just wanted me to have the help I needed) but then again my mom said no because I was surely just faking it all and I just had to make efforts to be happy. I was so tired of everything and just wanted to feel better so I started to steal my mom depression medication (mostly Xanax and calming pills).
At 15 I met my first serious girlfriend, I fell in love so hard with her and for the first month she really helped me to stop sh, pills, drinking and everything was great until she started to verbally abuse me using my dysphoria and fragile subjects I told her about (she would say that I'm annoying and selfish for always feeling bad and that u was too sensitive and not a real boy if I cried) once I wasn't agreeing with her, slap and hit me if I said something she wasn't okay with or when I would have anxiety attacks or talk to her about my suicidal thoughts while in depressive episodes and yeah she used me like if I was a dog, if she wanted something or think in some way I would have to give her or do whatever she wanted or I would get threatened, insulted or ignored for a long time or other icky stuff. After 6 months of making me feel guilty for not letting her touch me in a sexual way she one day decided to start taking advantage of me while I wasn't in the appropriate head space or without my consent and then making fun of my body and making comments about the way I look. She in fact, made me really anxious and feel bad and it made me start to binge eat, at the end of the year my weight was 78 kg, before our relationship I was 59 kg, people noticed it but just told me to stop eating and go on a diet.
At 17 (this year) I finally broke up even if she asked me to do it because she didn't want to be seen as the mean one for letting me while I was clearly depressed. It was hard but I could finally meet new people or get back with people she didn't wanted me to talk to (especially my amazing actual partner and my bestfriend) who helped me a lot realizing all the shit she did to me and they have been amazing at making me feel loved and cared for and to be honest I don't think I would be there if they weren't in my life right now.
Now my mental health is just fucked. Like I said when I broke up with my abusive ex I had gained almost 20 kg and it reminded me all the bully I've been through as a kid (they most of the time used the fact I was overweight to bully me) so I started to starve myself or purge if I felt like I ate too much (I started to count calories) I was at 78 kg at the start and in 2 weeks I was at 65kg, it was during quarantine so i didn't have any friend or people noticing what I was doing or see me fainting. I started to drink almost everyday and smoke a lot.
In June I got in a relationship with my actual partner and to be honest it's the only good point I can find this year. They (genderfluid) are an angel and I just don't know what I would do without them, they help me a lot even if they are struggling with mental illness themself and anyone has ever cared for me and made me feel so loved before. Today it's been 4 months officially and it makes me feel happy and I just want it to never stop. My mental health is at its worst, I've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, i have a self destructive comportement, in September I started to sh again (a lot deeper) after 2 years clean, I often call them in the middle of the night (well in the middle of the day for them cause I'm in Belgium and they are in Texas) because of really bad dreams and suicidal thoughts, I am bullied and made fun of by the people in my class for being trans and having a different style (alt-grunge), I barely eat or purge if I try to have a meal, I have these "hypomanic" phases that make me getting really angry at nothing and do a lot of stupid shit because I feel invincible and better than anyone, almost godly and yet they never made me feel like I was a burden or like I should just stfu or like I was being dramatic and they are actually the first person believing me and not saying I fake everything.
I am struggling and it becomes so damn hard to live but I will do my best not to give up and just keep on fighting for them and maybe try to recover and seek for help when I turn 18. I already try to make little steps and stop self harming, drinking too much energy drink XDD so yeah let's just try and be positive I guess.
Sorry its actually so damn long hhh I don't even know if i will post It one day or keep it as a draft eheh I hate venting
#ed vent#vent text#tw depressing stuff#tw eating stuff#trauma#ventcore#traumacore#long ass rant#tw self destruction#self harrrm#tw self destructive behavior
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BACKSTORY and FITNESS PROGRAM
BACKSTORY:
I have always struggled with my weight. I was never overweight to a point where I would have troubles with my health but it did limit some of my abilities and it lowered my self-esteem. I was really overweight as a child but then my rapid growth caused me to look slimmer than before and I was only round. Basically I was and still pretty much am skinny fat.
About two years ago I decided I wanted to become skinnier, so I started working out more. I realized now that being skinny is far from my goal and I truly want to be healthy and have a strong body but working out did give me solid foundation on which I explored my interests in sports, which I never liked before. I found the ones I actually enjoyed and the ones I did not enjoy quite that much. I started losing some fat. But then I became lazy and the fat came back.
This repeated itself many times throughout those two years. I slowly realized my biggest problem were my eating habits. I was really picky when it came to food and I always chose the wrong one. I also binged, then ate very little for a while and binged again. I even contributed to the weight gain with drinking smaller amounts of water than I should have and my sleeping schedule was all over the place. I realized only working out won't do that much. At least not for me.
I slowly started incorporating better foods into my diet and changing up my lifestyle but I never committed enough to see it through until the end and obtain obvious results. I was also very confused where and how to start, because there is so much information out there about what is right and wrong. The main problem was that I didn't give any program I created for myself time so that I could actually see results and see if it works.
RIGHT NOW:
Now I want to stick to my plan for longer than one or two months at a time. I want to achieve results that will last and work on my confidence too. I am currently 173 cm tall (which is roughly 5,8 feet) and I weigh 65 kg (roughly 143 pounds). Though I am tall I feel like I am quite heavy since I do not have that much muscle mass so the lbs are higher than I wish they would be, because of fat. I have stubborn belly fat while I'm not really visibly round in any other areas of my body as much. Of course you cannot spot reduce (I will write about that in one of my future posts too) so I will have to lower my body fat percentage and gain a lot of muscle mass in general to see the belly fat disappearing too, since I am striving for a stronger not skinnier body.
Right now I'm in a good place, though I still have many things to focus on to perfect my daily routine. I've been working since the start of the year (6th January, 2020) and lost 4,5kg (roughly 10 pounds) in five weeks. I constructed a workout and diet plan for me as well as I could, since I haven't got that much control over a lot of things going on in my life because I'm still in school and have work to focus on besides my fitness goals, though I am trying to make them a bigger priority in my life.
Some people said that this program seemed a bit challenging for a beginner when they took a first look at it. That's why I wrote a short paragraph in which I spoke about my work out habits above. They are not that bad and I tend to work out quite a lot so I’m not in such a bad shape - food will be a bigger issue for me. If the program seems though for you and you do your workouts completely differently, I encourage you to continue doing it your way. The same goes for if you think it is too easy. I designed this the way I did, because I know what I am capable of right now and what I would like to be capable of in the future.
MY PROGRAM:
Duration: 8 months (until the end of August)
Goal: Build strength and muscle mass, achieve a flatter belly and leaner physique, gain confidence, build better habits
Workouts:
I've tried many workouts on the internet already and I decided to follow some good fitness channels on Youtube and follow their work out videos, since I don’t have time to go to an actual gym. I will link them in some future posts. I made a weekly workout schedule too.
On Mondays I do half an hour to an hour of yoga targeting my core (abs), on Tuesdays I do body weight exercises targeting the legs and the glutes, on Wednesday I have another day of body weight exercises targeting the abs and on Fridays I have weightlifting to strengthen my arms and back.
I also have one active rest day every week when I am allowed to do nothing or just some light cardio. That is Thursday for me, because I arrive home late (around 7 p.m.) and it's the day that is the most tiring for me in the whole week.
On weekends I have one scheduled full body workout on Saturdays. I usually do pilates or some HIIT workouts. On Sundays I can take a day of if I feel like it, because I don't want to push myself over the edge but if I feel alright I do an hour of cardio.
Speaking of cardio, it is one of my favourite workout categories because I love to run, dance, hike, swim… and these are all workouts that fall into the category. I try to do cardio at least three times a week even if it isn’t scheduled (just because I actually enjoy doing it) but if the weather is nice I take a walk everyday anyway, since I like some peace to think and be alone.
Through the week I work out at around 6 p.m. and on the weekends in the morning or at least before noon.
Dieting:
For me it is really hard to meal prep since I am in high school and I have a lot of my meals prepared for me by other people. I evaluated my eating habits and realized I consume too much sugar and carbs and my diet lacks fiber. I can’t completely follow a low-carb diet but I will be aiming towards consuming less carbs and try to eat food which is low in sugar and high in protein and fiber.
I also challenged myself to eliminate all sugar I could from my diet for at least 40 days but I can happily say that I'm already on day 45 (I started on the 6th of January) – I decided to just continue with it and try to reach 70 days. I planned it for a long time and I can say I am quite satisfied with the outcome. I've tried including a lot of healthy foods, vegetables and high protein foods and minimize foods with a lot of carbs but there are days when I just don't have the option to eat anything but something high in carbs or not as healthy as I would wish it would be.
If you want to, I will definitely write a post about what I eat in a week after I test it out, see how effective it is and perfect it completely.
I have already tried intermittent fasting (will be explained in future posts) in the past once and it worked miracles for me. I felt more energized, way less bloated and I felt better in general. I will incorporate it into my diet again I decided to do a 16:8 ratio – I eat in a time frame of 8 hours. That equals 16 hours of fasting where I don't consume any food I just drink a cup of green tea in the morning.
Drink:
I used to drink very small amounts of water throughout the day but I carry my water bottle with me everywhere I go now and I try to drink as much as possible. These are my main rules for drinking:
-drink 2 water bottles of water a day
-one cup of green tea in the morning (or lemonade)
-don't drink milk in the evening
Sleep:
I try to go to sleep before 11 pm and get up around 6 or 7 am. For me it is pretty hard, because I am a night owl, but I do try, since I see a big difference in my energy and ability to work efficiently throughout the day.
…
That is how I designed my workout and diet program. All details will be specified in further chapters since it is still a bit rough around the edges (especially the diet part), but I cannot meal prep since it is really hard for me to prepare my own food.
I thought I should explain what and how I'm doing everything, since I will be writing about it. This is a basic overview and I didn't really go into detail. If you want me to be more precise, especially about my eating habits and how I'm trying to change them, I will make a post about it. This is just my story and my program. I can't guarantee any of these things would work for you or your body but maybe you will get any idea or find some useful information. You now know my story and my goals.
I always struggled with my self-esteem and body image but I am on the path to changing everything and I want to share the lessons I'm learning and my story with you. I hope it motivates you and you can see you are not alone. You should also remember that even though my measurements and fitness goals don't match yours and you maybe see different numbers than me, you aren't working any less hard or doing anything wrong nor should you be discouraged. We are all on our individual journeys and you have the exact same chance of reaching your goals as I do or anyone else reading this blog.
Whenever I start doubting myself I just avert my thoughts somewhere else because I am positive we all can do this. Remember to love yourself no matter your weight. We are all beautiful and what we are doing and the changes we're making are only to better ourselves physically and mentally but our weight or appearance doesn't define us nor does it define our worth.
Thank you for joining me on this journey!
-M
#health#healthy eating#healthy recipes#fitness#fitwomen#fitbody#fit#lose weight#goals2020#body goals
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I fucking laugh everytime I think about adulting. Cuz it's so easy and like u gotta eat if u want to feel good and just function lol but like I forget/exec dysf gets in the way. And then I'm like "why do I feel like shit" and "why does everything seem so much harder than it's supposed to be".
I've had such shit eating habits since I quit landscaping (that job required I eat well and alot, or I'd be too weak/tired to work)
After that, I was a nanny part time for several families, so my setting would be different everyday. And consequently my eating habits become nonexistent since I need consistency to maintain meal prep ect.
Then covid lockdowns happened and I ate less since I was inside almost 24/7 doing school online. I didn't feel hungry since I didn't move, and also I was home all the time so I just could not cook.
And then school reopened so I had to make meals again, but I couldn't cuz I'm a mix of broke ass student and mad exec dysf from hella exaughstion from my commute/socializing.
And then I get an ADHD dx and take dex, which can lower ur appetite. I had an intense week of studying for 5 midterms, not having anytime to eat.
I lost so much weight (this is bad, I can't lose weight as like I'm already low-key/highkey underweight) and my bones and skin hurt so bad. Everything exaughsted me and I was so cold. I had zero patience and would snap so fast Plus I had my period on-top of all that shit. Not a great PR moment LOL
This last week I've eaten so much and can study like a regular old student lol. I ate breakfast, lunch, and snacks. Just studying now and then I'll have dinner. Such a difference from the past 2 weeks since even thinking about studying made me snap.
Anyways, below is a pic of a doctor aiming a gun at a burger lol. Encapsulates my life hahah.
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Tag Game
Rules: Answer questions given to you, write 11 new questions, and tag people to answer those questions!
I was tagged by our lovely fandom grandma, @spockslash ! Thanks for thinking of me. And these are some really hard questions!!!
1. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?
Oh jeez. I don't know? Accounting/financial/tax advice maybe, since it's related to what I do. Otherwise, it's usually just listening. I always tell peeps they can vent away!
2. What would be your first question after waking up in the year 2233, from being cryogenically frozen for 215 years?
Well given that I would assume everyone I loved was gone, I would then ask what kind of world I woke up in. Did mankind get their shit together or not? If not, put me back in cryo, and let's try again later.
3. What is your ideal way to spend the weekend?
Relaxing. Reading. Maybe watching a movie. Eating a good meal. But mostly relaxing. Because I constantly hate the fact that you work all week only to play catch up on the weekends for all the personal stuff you had to put on hold. Looking @ you, laundry.
4. What is the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?
I try to maintain a hard outer shell, but I am have a pretty soft marshmallow core. Lots of stuff gets me in the feels. And I can't say that any one thing is more harmwarming than the next? But something that always gets me and I find a wonderful thing, is organizations like Make-A-Wish. Anytime I see those, I burst into freaking tears.
5. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?
Breastfeeding issues and how to solve them. Like seriously. I've *almost* done it all. And the amount of misinformation still being perpetuated by the medical community and the community at large (like bfing has no benefits past a year) is so ridiculous. Yeah. I could easily spend 40 mins.
6. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week?
Chatting with friends. The last three weeks have been really rough and those chats have kept me sane and laughing.
7. What amazing thing did you do that no one was around to see?
Swimming in my papa's pool and swam the length of the pool, all underwater, 3 1/2 times (it was a springboard pool with a deep and shallow end so fairly long). I figured I'd practice and get better the following summer, but got a severe case of bronchitis at 12 before then that prevented me from ever being able to do it again. Lung damage/asthma sucks.
8. How different was your life one year ago?
I had no Tumblr, had never been to KiSCon, and was not posting work to AO3. My how life has changed!!! 😁😁
9. Where is the most relaxing place you’ve ever been?
My papa's house. Although it wasn't completely free of stress, it was a place I can truly say I always loved to be and hated to leave. And it was mostly peaceful. Much more so than anywhere else in my life. My memories of him and that house are like warm sunshine to my soul.
10. What are you looking forward to in the coming months?
A get-together with friends!!!! Getting some health issues finalized and taken care of. Writing more Spirk!
11. Who inspires you to be better?
So many things and people inspire me. In this current world of crazy, I desperately hold on to the stories of people doing good and those who show compassion and love for their fellow living things. And of course, I'm inspired by Star Trek everyday. It's ultimate message that we make it, better ourselves and become as I truly believe we can and are meant to be, keeps me plugging away.
Tagging @captain-raven-knight , @rabidchild67 , @rimedio8 , @thicc-kirk , @itreallyisthelittlethings , @annaknitsspock , @voldiebuns and anyone else who wants to do the thing! No obligation on those I've tagged either if they don't want to.
Here are my questions:
1. What skill would you like to learn/have?
2. What's your go-to trope in fanfic when you're feeling down and why?
3. Favorite game to play (electronic/board/otherwise)?
4. If you could meet any 3 historical figures, who would they be?
5. Favorite quote?
6. What's something someone's done for you that you are grateful for?
7. If you could have any supernatural power, what would it be?
8. For reasons, you're going on an extended backpacking adventure and have to limit personal items to 3 things. What do you bring?
9. What aspect of your personality do you like the most?
10. Describe what you imagine your life to be like when you're 75.
11. When asked as a child what you wanted to be when you grew up, what was your most frequent answer? What do you actually do now?
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Hii bunny! You just always seem so smart and strong. I've have seen you express your feelings about things happening in your life a few times here but you are determined and always get your shit together me on the contrary, whines about everything and feels sad almost 24/7. I hate being this way. I feel so bad about myself. I gained weight over the quarantine period and feel unhealthy. I have been feeling really bad about myself for a really long time and I don't know how to stop it. (1)
Everyone around me seems to be doing well. Life has been a race for everyone since the start of time. It has been like this for everyone and here I am being the only one complaining. I feel I'm the only one left behind. I know a lot of ppl have actual problems and I tell myself that other ppl have it worse. It's just hard sometimes. I'm jealous of ppl who r doing better than me and ask God why did I end up the way I did. I just want to go back to the past and fix myself. Sorry this is long (2)
And depressing. I was venting out everything. I'm not a teenager anymore and have nothing to blame but myself. Being an adult is not a great change as I thought it would be and it sucks even more when you can't stop being whiny. I like to think your blog as a safe place for everyone including myself. Feel free not to post this incase you feel uncomfortable posting this (3)
We’re much more alike than you think. I whine more than I act; I’ve just recently been too tired to even whine these days because I feel like I might not survive this year. It’s been painful to live and I go back and forth between feeling 110% great one moment and then go insane another moment. It’s exhausting.
First, let me address the weight gain issue. It makes a big difference to just be aware of how much you eat and how much you move. I don’t feel as hungry anymore because I stopped snacking, ate small (but filling) meals, and tried to move my body at least two or three times a week by random exercises (I also snack when I feel like it sometimes, but control my intake). There’s no routine, just awareness. I think that takes the pressure off of having this strict diet and workout schedule that is hard to maintain for beginners or those crippled with mental illnesses. Also, gaining weight during this time is okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself because it’s something that fluctuates and something that you have control over.
Second, I know how hard it is to stop comparing yourself to others. I do it everyday; close friends, celebrities, even family sometimes. But that’s all there is to it: envy. You can sit there and think about everything you don’t have, but spending time thinking about it won’t get you anywhere or make you feel better. Comparing is inevitable, but make sure you at least recognize where it’s coming from (your insecurities, your self-destructive thoughts or habits, etc...). You need to understand that at the end of the day, people live their own lives inside their own bubble and you have to decorate your own bubble with things that make you happy. Start small; delete unnecessary people from your circle or social media, take things one day at a time, and know that everything in life takes time. You may be in a rush, but the clock ticks at the same pace.
Not being a teenager doesn’t mean you don’t feel harsh emotions anymore. Adulthood is just having teenage emotions but developing the maturity to tame it so you don’t do something irrational to yourself and to others. It’s something that takes practice and experience.
The truth is we exist to learn about ourselves; after all, no one makes it out of life alive.
- 🐰
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Wow, I havent been on here in ages! Right now, we are in the middle of all this coronavirus stuff. Dont get me wrong, the situation is terrible BUT I have found it's been great for weightloss! When this all started, I was eating like crap. After college converted to online and i wasnt moving much throughout the day, it caught up to me and i felt bad. So, 3 weeks ago i started using myfitnesspal again, staying within my calories, and taking my dog for a 2.2 mile walk every day. Hes loving every second of it and my weight has been consistently going down. As of today, I'm down 6.6 pounds, which averages to a 2.2lb loss per week. I'm proud of that! I know that my issue is consistency. I always go too intense and expect too much and burn myself out and give up when I dont lose as much as I want to in a certain period of time. I feel like its different this time. I havent even craved fast food at all, which is amazing for me. I think a lot of places being closed right now has given me the mentality that fast food places are closed too and I cant get junk even if I want it (I know they're still open but theres no harm in letting my brain keep thinking that.) I've really been enjoying home cooked meals everyday. My sister and I have been cooking dinner every night together. My mom and sister are considered non essential workers during this pandemic, so I've spent more time with them in the last few weeks than I have in the last few years. Without such a demanding schedule between full time school and 2 jobs, I'm finding that I have enough time to properly plan out my day of food the night before, go grocery shopping on a regular basis, and have time to walk for an hour during daylight. My cousin is supposed to be getting married in mid June (not sure if the wedding will be allowed to happen or if it will be postponed) BUT I am using that occasion as my motivation. I attended a good friend's wedding in October and i felt awful. I hated dress shopping. I went to the mall and various stores probably 20 times to try and find a dress i liked on me. I eventually settled on a dress that i didnt love and wore a cardigan over it all night. I dont wanna feel like that for my cousins wedding. My goal is to be down 20-25 pounds by her wedding date. I'm already down 6.6lbs so I have roughly 14-19 more to lose in 8 weeks. If I could lose 2lbs per week like i have for the past 3 weeks, i could lose 16 more pounds which would put me right in the range of my goal. I'm not holding myself to those numbers, though. Anything can happen with weight fluctuations no matter how hard you are trying, so I'm just happy to be down from where I started. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and I'll take what I can get on the weightloss front!
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