healthiervibes

[healthiervibes]

First hike in a long time today! I stayed at my favorite outcrop for about an hour relaxing and watching 6 hawks circle the area like always. As of today, I am officially 10.2 pounds down 🥳 I've found that your first love shattering your heart motivates like no other. Effective, but 0/10 would recommend 👎🏼 Anyway, good day overall and I cant wait to get back out again and cross some of the hikes I want to do off my list finally!!

[healthiervibes]

Feel free to read my last post if you're interested in all the unfortunate drama that has become my life as of late! Anyway, because of all that, I really needed a day out in nature to clear my head and gain some perspective. I decided to hike the fire tower. I was actually nervous to go because to get to the back entrance, you use a very narrow dirt road. You need all the help you can get if you run into another car. Since the last time I did it, I have upgraded from a sedan to a huge SUV (my family calls it the spaceship) and it was really giving me a lot of anxiety. But, it went fine thankfully! The hike up was hard. I got sick on Thursday and was even sent home from work on Friday. I am still recovering so I was out of breath super easily. I made it to the top eventually though. I also hiked a little ways down the other side to get to my favorite outcrop. The views are always phenomenal and it's just my own little happy place. Theres always hawks circling around right there and you can see for miles. I sat there for about an hour just taking everything in and not thinking about anything in particular. A woman came by with 2 dogs and one of them just plopped right down into a dirty puddle that was in one of the rocks and it was just so wholesome and he couldnt have been happier even though his mom was going to have some work to do later on! It was really good to get out there and it helped me realize that life goes on regardless if I sit in my bed and sulk about what someone has done to me or if I get out there and live my life to the fullest. So why not choose the latter? Heres some pictures from my hike!

[healthiervibes]

Wow I have not posted anything on here in quite some time! A LOT has happened. I graduated college, passed the national registry exam, and have a full time job in my career 🥳. About a week ago, I also found out some horrible news. Well, horrible to hear but good in the long run. In my previous posts, I mentioned I had a boyfriend who was in the army that I'd fly to go see. Last 4th of july, I flew to visit. We were kind of on the rocks at the time and the trip didnt go well so we decided to break up after. In all reality we kind of just dropped the label and kept talking the same and acting like we were still together. It's been going on that way ever since and occasionally we talk about making things official again. Well, this year, he flew up for fathers day weekend and wanted to see me. I ended up getting really sick and we never saw each other while he was up. After he was back home he started getting flirty one night and I kind of just stopped and was like yknow I havent seen anyone else, talked to any other guys, slept with anyone, etc and wanted to know if we were on the same page. He admitted he slept with someone else. He said it was 2 weeks after we had broken up and he thought it would get him over me. He said it didnt work and just made him realize he wanted me so he hasnt slept with anyone since. I was hurt because I really thought we were on the same page. Idk. I asked him then and there what it is he even wants (because he kept saying I was wrong about the feelings not being mutual and that he doesnt care) and he said "Us." Fast forward 2 days and his mom adds me back on facebook. That really confused me because she had deleted me when we broke up. I went to her profile just to peek since I hadnt seen her in so long. There were pictures she had posted from fathers day weekend when he had flown up. There was a picture of his 2 sisters with this baby saying best aunties ever. Long story short, I ended up talking with his mom and the baby is his. She was born 2 months premature on Halloween 2020. You guessed it, that means that he lied about the timeline of when he said he slept with someone. It means that he cheated on me. When I went down for the trip last July, this other girl was already 4 months pregnant with his child and I'm sure he knew about it. Why would you even have me fly down to see you if you were already blatantly cheating and you knew you were having a kid. Not to mention we slept together during that trip and it just feels so violating now. His mom also told me that hes not with the mother of the child but does have a girlfriend that he lives with. Just another blow really. He named his daughter what he had always talked about naming a girl when we had one. He didnt even tell his own mother about the baby until she was 3 months old. His mom asked me if I knew and obviously I didnt. She was very sympathetic and was totally on my side and mad at her son for lying, cheating, being disrespectful, and keeping secrets. She said that she likes me a lot and respects my goals and what I'm doing and as a woman who has been on this side of things, she couldnt stand seeing me be treated that way unknowingly. It sucks now but in the long run, I honestly dodged a major bullet. Who knew you could be 100% dedicated and faithful to a guy for 3.5 years just to have him cheat, hide the birth and existence of a daughter, and keep the presence of a girlfriend a secret as he tells you he wants you back all the way up until it blew up. When I confronted him, he only got mad and ended up blocking me on everything as if I was the bad guy. Worst part is not even getting an apology. Not that that would fix anything but to at least have him acknowledge what hes done and know he feels bad or has some sort of guilt/remorse would be something. Anyway, I'm grateful to his mom for informing me. She even asked me to keep it between her and I because she didnt want him to not let her see the baby because of her exposing him. Things hurt right now but time will heal and better things are out there.

[healthiervibes]

One of my best friends and his boyfriend broke up. He had gained a little bit of weight between nursing school and his relationship, but now hes interested in losing about 30 pounds which is also a goal of mine. I expressed this and we decided to do this together and to hold each other accountable and I am SUPER excited about it. I'm not sure how long term this pact will last but it's the kick in the butt I need to start eating healthy again tomorrow. Hopefully we can support each other at least long enough to solidify good habits again. I'm going to charge my fitbit and wear that to clinical tomorrow to see how many steps I get in at the hospital. My classmates there track their steps and make it into a friendly competition so that's motivating too. After clinical tomorrow, I'm craving pumpkins with my best friend, a girl we went to high school with, and her friend that I havent met before. It should be a fun time, but I have to figure out how to have a healthy dinner. Well, tomorrow starts this AGAIN so heres hoping that I take this seriously

[healthiervibes]

I have honestly been doing terrible lately. I do fine in the morning and lunch but once dinner comes I ruin everything. I'm also really frustrated because my sister thinks our scale is broken. According to her, its reading like 5 pounds below true weight. For me, it's reading like 5 pounds above where I was. Was i 5 pounds bigger this whole time and the scale has been off? Is it just the uneven floors? What number is really accurate and what do i actually weigh? I feel like i cant get a straight answer. Anyway, i am planning out my week and i switch gears a little with my food this week so maybe that will help me do better. I really hope so. My best friend and i have gone running 3 times this week. Let's just say I'm not a runner. I get really discouraged when she runs and she seems to do it so easily and then I'm there actually dying. I really want to try Chloe Ting videos but I dont have a great place to be doing that in my house. Maybe on my deck but like with anything jumping I'd have to go downstairs so In not shaking the whole house. I honestly just wish I had a dedicated space with a bench and some dumbells and a mirror. I really like weight lifting but I get so self conscious at the gym without Alan there. I dont know. I'm just feeling very discouraged lately and like I cant really do this. I mean I've tried so many times and I'm still in the same spot. I wish I could cook what I want too but my step dad yells at me so I really cant even cook healthy things until I move out. I feel like my environment just has me stuck. It holds me back in so many ways and I hate it. I'm just not feeling good about any of this. Hopefully my next post will be on a lighter note and hopefully i can report some progress in the right direction

[healthiervibes]

I actually did so well today with my eating. I had a protein shake for breakfast on my way to clinical. For lunch I had a ham sandwich on whole wheat bread, greek yogurt with blueberries and grapes, and cheese cubes. It's really too bad I came home and had dinner plus 4 apple cider donuts because i could not control myself. I knew i shouldve given them away in the first place. Well, at least they tasted really good! A little setback, but tomorrow will be better

[healthiervibes]

I started at a new clinical site this past Wednesday so I've been eating well since then. I dropped 4.2 pounds which has been really nice. Today was my first day off in weeks. My best friend and I went to our favorite farm for fresh fruit and apple cider donuts. I was only planning on buying one donut but because of covid, they only had pre-prepared bags of 6 or 12. So my friend and I ended up getting 6 each. We both indulged on 2 right in the car, so I still have 4 more. Honestly, I'd love to eat them because they are so good but I'm thinking I better just pawn the rest off to people! But I also got fresh blueberries and the most adorable tiny grapes so that makes me feel better. Then, we went up north to "our" lake and we walked the trails. Not sure how long it was, but my phone recorded 12,845 steps which is a lot more than I thought I'd get today since going to the lake was a complete last minute idea. However, after that, my best friend wanted to go to her favorite restaurant in the area so we did. I got chicken tenders and fries. I ate all the chicken but left some fries. Then, she insisted that we get ice cream for dessert, so I got chocolate ice cream with gummy bears but I didnt finish it all. I am so stuffed now. All in all, it was a fun day. My eating wasnt nearly as good as I had planned it but oh well!

[healthiervibes]

I'm really having trouble lately. I ate well all day yesterday and decided I was done for the day. Then I just wanted to eat EVERYTHING and I did give in to a lot. I ate a whole pack of sour patch kids, a fair amount of tortilla bite size chips, and a pack of cheezits. Today, I ate well and was within my calories after dinner. Then I got home from work and my mom had made brownies. Now I just wanna eat a ton of brownies and basically everything else. I just want to eat everything and idk what's up with that?! I havent had this issue before

[healthiervibes]

Well it's been long enough since I've posted that tumblr is emailing me asking where I have been... so here i am. Things havent been great I've just had a lot going on and i havent been doing the things i need to in order to reach my weightloss goals. I wasnt able to weigh myself before work this morning but yesterday I was 146.8lbs. A few pounds higher than my last post here. I've eaten well today and i just finished planning my days worth of food through friday. I'm going to stick to what I wrote down and see where that gets me for next week. Every day is 1210 or under which is the goal MyFitnessPal set up for me. I'd like to get back down so that I can work on some new progress. But for now, I must play catch up. So that's the scoop! I'll check in soon!

[healthiervibes]

Back down today! I weighed in at 143 even. My mom surprised me by bringing home a dish of my favorite flavor ice cream this morning. I replaced the breakfast I had planned with this and tracked its calories. I'm not too worried about it. I also took a walk around my neighborhood before work and it was really nice. Plus, I did the big hill which had me out of breath at times but I'm glad I pushed myself. Here's hoping for some lower numbers on the scale soon! I feel like I'm stuck in the same 2 pound range right now

[healthiervibes]

Well here it is... the fluctuation! Fridays official weigh in had me at 143.2 and then yesterday I was 144.2 and this morning I was 144.4. Crazy how you can eat the same and sometimes you'll lose and sometimes you'll gain. I'm trying to not get down on myself because I'm sure my body will figure its crap out and go down soon. I havent been eating bad or too much so im just gonna wait for it to fix itself! The one thing that I can think of is that I have been drinking more water lately and I have taken a walk the past 2 days after weeks of not so maybe it's just a combination of that

[healthiervibes]

Doing a LOT better! I weighed in at 143.2 this morning. I feel like I'm back on track and like I can do this again and I'm really happy about that. That means my overall weightloss is 7lbs again. I still have to lose 2.2 pounds to get where I was when I lost control. From there, I'll be able to continue to progress instead of just catching up. Theres still enough remaining weeks in the year to be at my goal weight by new years which is encouraging. I have lost consistently every day since I've started again, but I know that wont always be the way. My goal is still to just lose 1 pound per week. I have lost 2.8 pounds this week which is great, but I'm pretty sure that's only because of bloat and water weight. Either way, I'm happy to be shedding it! 3.2 until I break into the glorious 130s, man I'm so excited to see that number again. It's been too long.

SW: 150.2

CW: 143.2

GW1: 139

GW2: 136.6 (Normal BMI)

GW3: 129

Aaaaaand I havent really thought past that yet even though my UGW is somewhere between 110-115 I think

[healthiervibes]

Well folks, it's been a terrible few weeks on the eating front. I've been loving what I've been eating, but my body hasnt and it hasnt been putting me any closer to my goals. That being said, today was day 2 of eating well again. Im down about 2 pounds in 2 days. Gotta keep this up again. I was doing so well and I want to get back to that. Clinical should be starting up again sometime soon, I would say, and I'd like to be noticeably smaller in my scrubs. My boyfriend also wants me to fly down and visit him soon and I'd like him to notice too. Big goals but I'm here to crush them! My original weight was 150.2 and I got down to 141. I am currently at 146. Unfortunately, I lost some progress but I'm grateful to be where I am knowing the way I was eating.

[healthiervibes]

I'm down 0.8 overnight so that makes me feel a little better. I need to go to the store so bad and get some stables. I'm struggling with having enough food to get by today. So I guess grocery shopping is the plan after I get out of work at 6. I really hope theres not lines out of the store again

[healthiervibes]

So heres something I'm not proud of! I've been eating restuarant/fast food for every meal for a week straight. It started with my sisters birthday and just got out of hand from there. I also have not been taking walks. I'm eating healthy again today and I went for a long walk with my best friend on the old rail trails this morning. Gotta be good from here on out so I dont lose everything I've worked for! I weighed myself this morning to get my new baseline. I was 3 pounds up, but still maintained a 5 pounds loss overall. I'm sure some of that 3 pound gain is water weight, so I'm hoping that this didnt actually set me back too bad. I'm sure I'll be where I was soon!

[healthiervibes]

My boyfriend's birthday is September 11th and that's most likely the next time I'll see him because he is in the army. That's 18 weeks away. If I could lose 1 pound every week or at least a 1 pound average per week, I could be 124 pounds by then. That would be like a dream because hes never seen me anywhere near that weight. I would be 26 pounds down and he would be SHOCKED. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is!

[healthiervibes]

I'm still in a funk. I feel like I am not losing fast enough. This morning I was 0.2 higher than my official weigh in on Friday. That means I have 3 days to get rid of that and some more to have a loss on this Friday's weigh in. Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Her best friend is throwing a bonfire party for her with drinking and takeout and cake. My sister knows I've been eating well and is purposely trying to sabotage me by saying I have to indulge with her. I told her it's not MY birthday and that I'll eat something bad only if I want it. The way I look at it, tomorrow will completely throw me off and I'll have gained at my weigh in OR the increased caloric intake may jumpstart things. I hope the latter, but I wont get my hopes up. The past 2 days I've wanted to go for a walk before work because I've been slacking on that real bad. I think the temporary gain after hiking made me not want to work out at all. The problem is, I've been so tired that I've slept right up until work both days. I'm gonna make a point to go for a walk the next 3 days. I also forgot to take my birth control pill the other night and I didnt remember until the next morning. I took it first thing, but I think my body was already in the mindset of having a period because I've felt bloated since then. I just wish I could shake this bad mood around healthy eating and weightloss

P.S. the good news is that I am wearing a shirt my mom bought me today. She gave it to me probably over a year ago and it had been tight and so I never wore it. It fits like a charm now and that makes me really happy and it's pretty good encouragement!