#I feel like I'm just being annoying and complaining and I should shut up bc it's not bad enough for me to complain

[justonefeather]

I'm slowly waking up now.. Heart pounding again but w/e.. Maybe it's stress, there's so much going on.. Like if I could knock even 2 things off the list I'd probably feel better but. There's a lot of "hurry up and wait" as my therapist says. I hate that, I want to get started on these things, but there's only so much I can do about each. At work the sale of the store to the new company is gonna go through end of July or August, I still don't know what they're offering us for pay or benefits, and even with that I don't wanna work there anyway but I need to figure out certain health things before I'm ok applying places.. The phone fiasco, and they -still- haven't gotten back to me about if it's fixed or if they even have the part yet.. If they slap an epilepsy dx on me will I be able to drive.. Either way my car needs things (mostly oil change and the a/c fixed).. Getting the birds new cages ready.. There's so much. Makes me wanna just sleep for a really long time.

[melodic-haze]

I HAD NO IDEA U WROTE FOR HSR OMG.. what do you think of bratty sub seele who just wants you to put her in her place?? i love her so bad i feel sick omfgjdksn

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Seele x dom!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Reader has a cock/strap referred as such 🤷‍♀️, rough sex, impact play, dumbification, orgasm denial, vibrator use, implied public vibe play :3

☆ — NOTES: 🌈THE MORE YOU KNOW🌈 YES I DO WRITE FOR HSR!!! I've been on the grind recently too. Like initially I found it kinda boring but I came back bc of Acheron so now I have it running in auto the bg while I'm doing coursework. I'm waiting for Robin but I'm still in FUCKING XIANZHOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Bratty sub Seele ohhhhhmygod anon I think I'm going to COMBUST dude

All that bravado and what does she use it on? Fucking pissing you off to the high heavens above

She's a headstrong character!! She don't gaf ab what anyone thinks when she KNOWS she's in the right (and even when she's wrong she'll still put up a fight lmfao)

Unfortunately for you (or fortunately, whichever way you look at it 🤷‍♀️), she LOVES going out of her way to be deliberately infuriating too, making sure you're watching her all the while

You're glad that Seele and Bronya are enjoying themselves. Really, you are! Having Belobog united again proved to be a good decision, and having them spearhead the tides of change turned out to be more than beneficial.

..But for some reason, today just seemed off. You don't know why, but you felt irritated.

Maybe it was what you ate this morning, maybe it was something that happened yesterday.. or maybe it was how Seele behaved.

You accompanied her to help with the efforts to unify all of Belobog once again, but ypu feel yourself regretting it when you see how.. business seems to be conducted.

It started off as small touches here and there; the Wildfire member giving Belobog's brand new Guardian a pat on the back, or a touch on her shoulder to grab her attention when the latter was focused on the paperwork in front of her. But then it progressed—Seele leaning into Bronya's back to read something that caught her attention, holding her hand when it isn't really necessary...

Of course body contact isn't really rare between the two—they formed some kind of bond when Bronya was stuck in the Underground—but there was just something extra annoying to how your girlfriend had haphazardly draped herself on the Silvermane Commander's body.

You did feel bad for feeling this way, especially when Bronya was involved because the poor girl did nothing wrong! But when you see the Underworlder smirk right at you as she went to hug the new Guardian for a problem now solved?

It was really hard not to get annoyed.

What's worse is that it seems that Seele knew that well.

You try to drag her away for a little "break" and she fully denies ANYTHING she's done

"You know," she says with a smug grin, "if you're going to try and help, then you should probably start by analysing what we do less and helping us with the work more."

You crossed your arms, "Don't know if you've noticed, but I have been doing it. Oh, but you were practically all over Bronya, so it's no surprise you didn't notice a thing."

She shrugged, "I've just been showing my appreciation for her efforts. Being the Supreme Guardian seems like a hassle, so."

While you do agree, you can't help but feel your blood boil a little at the smug look on her face.

She knew what she was doing.

And you can't have that.

You don't drag her back home immediately, no. You did still have a job to do, and it'd be rude to leave Bronya alone last minute!!! But when you were basically allowed to go, you drag her back IMMEDIATELY. She's gonna be complaining all the while, and even if you snap at her and tell her to behave she won't. It's like she WANTS to be punished (she does 🤷‍♀️)

And when you do get home? Ohhh you need to take action right that very second bc she'd STILL a huge loudmouth, she won't shut her gob about how you're 'overreacting' or something........so you may as well use that mouth for something

Instead of snapping at her, snap your hips to her mouth 🥰 let that dick fill her mouth up, give her something else to do aside from constantly talk shit and essentially dig her grave even more than necessary!!! Don't hold back either, cuz if you do then she's gonna taunt you. "'s that the best you've got? Please," she'd go. Make her work on you before absolutely ABUSING her face, make her gag and forget whatever retort she had ready. Oh, she wanted you to be rougher?? She better not come crying to you by the time you're done 🫶

You pull out of her after a bit but you're not done. Oh NOnonono absolutely not lol you turn her around and push her down so she's on all fours with her back facing you. You have to punish her thoroughly, you can't just leave it half-assed!!! Slap her ass hard, do NOT hold anything back this bitch is gonna keep whining you like a little brat otherwise. You need to discipline her properly, so keep abusing her backside until it's all red and her eyes are glazing over

Oh, but what's this???? Despite the fact that she's yelping and screaming from every hit you inflict on her, when you palm her cunt you realise that she's soaking wet down there, and she only gets wetter the more you spank her. Is your poor little baby actually getting off on this?? Actually pathetic lol

Just like everything else in your session, fuck her fast and HARD. Absolutely abuse her hole down here just like you did her other one until she can't even form fucking words anymore. Don't stop spanking her either!!! So much would be happening at once and her tiny little brain won't be able to handle it, turning into mush as you fuck her sooooo dumb

The pace you went at was absolutely relentless, only ever stopping when you felt tired, not if she needed a break. And why would you ever ask her if she needed a break? Even as she kept begging you to stop because it feels too much, she can't think anymore, why would you ever consider actually thinking about her? If she really wanted you fo stop, you both know that the safeword is right there.

Plus with the way Seele looks right now—mouth agape as drool trailed down her chin, eyes rolled back, slick coating your cock and her thighs—you don't really think she wants to stop. Quite the opposite, actually.

"Is this.. what you wanted the entire time?" You grunted as you pulled her neckerchief up to get her closer to you and maybe cut off her breathing, but when you feel her buck against you with moan, you find that she isn't complaining in the least. Your force never falters as you spoke, "Me having my way.. with you.. and reminding you where you belong?"

You hadn't really expected an answer from her in this state, not like you cared when you were more concerned about essentially reducing her into nothing but your pretty little fleshlight, but you see her nod shakily.

When she hums out in agreement, it comes out as more of a whine when your tip hits that particular spot inside her, "Y-- Yeeeesss..! Fuuuck, I've been sss-- such a bad girl-- ohfuckfuckFUCK right thereee... I'll do whate-- whatever you want just pleasepleasepleaseeee don't stop I'm almost--"

You rolled her eyes, "If you wanted attention, all you had to do was say so.. but if you love this so much then what's stopping me from just--" you let go of her neckerchief and slipped yourself out while your palm hits her stinging skin particularly hard, "--taking it all away from you?"

There, she lets out the biggest fucking whine as she drops before she screams out, her legs quivering and her pussy fluttering around nothing. Her cum gushes out of her, wetting the surface underneath you, as her body shook at the force of her orgasm.

"I didn't give you permission to cum, baby."

"'m.. s-sorryyy... Please don't be mad, I--"

"'Sorry' this, 'please' that, you get the opportunity to be a dumb brat and you take it happily but the moment it's something you want, you try to be a good girl." You turn her around so that she's facing you and you hit her inner thigh with a glare, to which she sobs so pathetically, "You're being selfish, Seele. I think I need to break you in again, make you remember how you behave."

Her breath hitches and she looks at you with such wide and teary eyes, but you know with the way her pupils are blown wide that she more than wants this.

By the time you're near finished, you COULD actually have her cum on your terms.....OR you could absolutely deny her of that privilege because really, why would you ever reward her for being a little shit????

Pull out of her when she hits her peak and make her suck your cock as you put a vibrator in her pussy in the lowest possible fucking setting. She's gonna whine and plead you to help her finish but don't help her 🤷‍♀️ tell her to leave it in until tomorrow's day ends. If she doesn't act like a whore like she did today then you'll reward her greatly!!!! But if not? Then you'll be doing this all over again, having the vibe in her and stimulating her in public until she learns to behave

That's what she wanted after all—to be punished appropriately

She acts like she's against it too, but if she was then she would've made it genuinely known and she could take it out herself.....but when you see her put her clothes on the next day with the toy peeking out before she coves it up with her panties, well. Doesn't seem like she really hates it after all 🫶

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

I’m Stuck! | Ettore Crackfic

Summary: Ettore happens upon you, completely stuck in the doors of the Box and will help you out on one condition | Word Count : 1.1k~ | Warnings below the cut~

A/N: you should all completely blame @ewanmitchellcrumbs​ for this bc this is...something man (but also loved that u peer pressured me into this). I’m not even gonna put my taglist here, saving you all cos truly idek what to say lol, this is going deep on the masterlist <3 ily 

Warnings: terrible dialogue, porn-level sex, stuck!trope, ass slapping, p in v sex, creampie

Nobody told him that being stuck on a weird prison spaceship would make a man indecently horny 24/7.

 The last few times Ettore had ventured down to the Box, it had been occupied. So he was made to wait to have a wank.

 What decent man has to wait just to tug the flesh snake? he thinks, as he makes his way down the ladder, huffing a sigh, knowing that it’s likely to be occupied again.

 He swings his arms as he walks towards the device nestled in the corner of the dark hallway, his eyes on his feet. It’s been probably a solid��few hours since he last had a tug, so he’s likely to be pent up again.

 He stops right in his tracks when his eyes meet the funniest fucking thing he’s seen in a while.

 It’s just a body without a head and shoulders, an ass poking out of the Box’s doors. He barely even recognises her without seeing her face, but her annoyed sounds give it away.

 “What the fuck are you doing?” he laughs, probably the first genuine smile he’s cracked in a while.

 Her hands struggle with the sides of the automated door that are pressed against her middle, “What does it fucking look like! I’m stuck, you idiot!”

 A half-restrained chuckle leaves him, before it evolves into genuine hysterical laughter. The kind that makes tears cover his eyes and makes his stomach hurt.

 "Will you shut the fuck up and help me?" She says, annoyed. He can imagine how embarrassed she must look, though he can’t see her face.

 He wipes his eyes, composing himself, "You know what? I'm tempted not to. This is too funny"

 She grunts annoyed, still trying to pull her top half free from the doors. God, it’d be so easy to help her. Push one button and the doors would open. It’s like those horrible pornos he used to watch where some girl would be stuck head first in a washing machine or something. And her ‘step-brother’ would happen upon her.

 He bites his lip at the thought. And feels his dick get hard.

 Maybe there was an alternative to the Box.

 A more, fulfilling one.

 She tenses up notably, when he presses his clothed erection against her ass, “That better not be what I think it is”

 He laughs, “It’s certainly not a fucking rocket, I can tell you that”

 She pushes her hips back in an attempt to make him go away, but it only encourages him further as he hooks his fingers under the waistband of her sweatpants.

 “Hey, if you let me have some fun, I’ll help you out. Deal?” he says, taking advantage of the fact she can’t see the shit-eating grin on his face.

 She huffs, annoyed at the situation she’s been put in.

 Then again. Would it really be so bad? Ettore isn’t bad on the eyes. There are definitely worse prisoners to happen upon her in this horrendous scenario, she can’t complain much that it’s him.

 “Fine” she huffs, “But no funny business”

 He grins, “Funny is my middle name”

 “Yeah right, somehow I doubt tha-ow!” she’s cut off her sentence as he pulls her sweatpants over her ass and delivers a wide firm slap to the skin there, “I didn’t say you could do that!”

 “Too bad” he snickers, “Guess you can’t do anything about it”

 He drags two digits through her folds, finding her already wet. He can feel how she tenses up at his touch and can imagine how she’s holding her lips between her teeth, to not give him the satisfaction of knowing she likes it.

 “All this for me?” he grins.

 “You wish. I just used the Box, you idiot”

 He shrugs. A pussy is a pussy, he supposes. Better than his fist.

 He plunges into her, filling her to the hilt with his cock and moaning loudly when he reaches her end, completely burying himself inside her. God when was the last time he fucked a woman? He genuinely couldn’t remember. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of a woman’s pussy, he thinks. And now he’s had another taste of it, he really doesn’t want to let it go.

 But hey ho, he might as well have fun with it while he can.

 With most of Ettore’s sexual knowledge coming from porn, unreliable mates and a…not so great past, he doesn’t really know how women work. Just put your cock in a move it around right? There’s supposed to be an orgasm involved somewhere as well, but like fuck if he knows how to do that.

 If they can’t cum from that, how else are they meant to?

 Oh well.

 He fucks her quickly, he’s so beyond pent up and his hands venture higher to grip her waist underneath the shirt she’s wearing, pulling her body back onto his cock as quickly as he’s railing her.

 He can’t deny, it does feel damn good to have a woman.

 God, I sound like such a fucking virgin when I say that, he thinks.

 Ew. Feelings. No. Back to fucking.

 He can hear her small little whines and breaths echo into the Box, muffled somewhat by the door that is stuck around her ribs. And he can tell she’s trying not to be too loud.

 Was this the elusive orgasm? She sounds like a bird in pain or something.

 He feels his own orgasm creep up on him sooner than anticipated, having not wanked for a good few hours before this happened. So with a pitiful moan and the twitching of his hips, he cums deep inside her. He kind of hoped he wouldn’t cum too quick, partly because he was enjoying fucking her so much and also because he hopes she won’t make fun of him later for it.

 After he’s done and all tuckered out, the poor thing, he pulls his softening cock out of her, mourning the loss of her warmth for a moment, before tucking himself away. He feels his heart going so fast in his chest he has to brace against a wall to keep himself standing, with his eyes closed, replaying what just happened in his head, keeping it for the wank bank later.

 Almost so entranced he doesn’t realise that she’s turned her torso, so she can easily slide out of the door she was previously ‘stuck’ in, slipping out without so much as a complaint.

 She smoothes down her clothes with a content sigh and pulls her sweatpants back up over her hips, using her palms to make sure her hair doesn’t look awry.

 He looks at her, mouth open in shock, his dick still warm and his blood running cold. But she simply shrugs and gives him a smile.

 “Thanks. Washing machine next time, yeah?” she says before turning on her heel and sauntering off, looking far too pleased with herself. She leaves Ettore utterly speechless in the hallway next to the Box, with the doors now shut without her stuck in them.

 What. The. Fuck.

 Next time?

 It really is like those pornos.

dividers by firefly-graphics

[pinkysberg]

anytime i wanna defend abigail it's just droves of ppl going "i like abigail BUT" proceeds to be annoyed she was mad at john. i can't even convey how frustrating it is. it's just so annoying bc OF COURSE shes mad. abigail is victim to john's consequences for 12 yrs by the epilogue and this fandom just wants her to just take it all with a smile.

it doesn't matter he got her pregnant, took away her ability to provide for just herself and then abandoned her in that circumstance. but she better not be upset about that or I'm going to start feeling less empathy for her. not like she can prove it was his - even though idk why she'd cling to the idea that john was the father when he clearly wanted nothing to do with jack for 4 years at the least. but then she's mad because - get this: he'd rather be in the same camp as his son and still neglect his responsibilities to get drunk with various members of camp and goof off. but abigail better just keep her frustrations about that to herself because I'm tired of hearing her complain about the same thing all the time even if the circumstances haven't changed at all whatsoever. i know that abigail remains loyal to john despite his consistent screw ups and has faith in his ability to be better but can she just shut up? i know the consequences of john's actions are now directly putting jack in danger but how dare abigail be mad that john's violent tendencies resulted in him being cornered by 3 men who wanted revenge and needing to kill them all in front of jack? how is that even john's fault? it's not as though he murdered some guy for looking at him funny! abigail should be thrilled john prioritizes the geddes and their impression of john over her and jack's wishes and wellbeing! at least he has a job! it may be a job her secured by immediately showing his hand and giving away the fact he's not "jim milton" but also abigail's clearly cheating on john during the epilogue anyway based on *checks notes* a sign on doctor's office that is literally never not there. guess he stays fucking idk.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

My dearest Cal, I come bearing emojis and writing vibes again and going back to my roots of slightly obsessing behind my screen on the buddieshannon fic:

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

(in all seriousness i am including this little meme because i need you to know this is fully how im in my head representing the emojis to you every single time. i am merely a humble knight offering my sword to you here and eagerly awaiting the fic snippets in return)

AHHH thank you! This is adorable and fuels me, thank you!

I'm going to go ahead and say 1k bc I am not counting that ahaha.

---

It’s a low blow. Especially when he’s changed so much. Been the sole provider for Chris when she was gone. 

Eddie should probably tell her off right now, but instead he just giver her an icy glare. Which is worse. Somehow, it’s worse. 

“Let’s just go,” he says. Frigid. 

She might not have been the source of his bad mood now. But she’s confident she just bumped herself high up on the list. 

◀️

In the car, she tries to apologize. Even though, really, the feeling part of her brain is much more set in her irritation than the thinking part.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she admits. “It wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Eddie agrees. “It wasn’t.”

Um, well… He’s not supposed to just agree. He’s supposed to also apologize for being cold and moody. 

“It’s just…” Shannon says, hit with a wave of emotion. “Your literal only job at these things is to be excited and positive and tell me it’s going to be okay and that she’ll fit through my birth canal!” 

Eddie makes a pained little noise in his throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he says through gritted teeth. “I am excited. I’m sure the birth will go just fine. I’m just not in a great headspace today, Shannon.”

She should probably let it rest at that. 

Does she? No. 

“It freaks me out when you get like this!” She complains.

“Get like what?” Eddie demands. “I can’t have one bad day without freaking you out? I haven’t done anything, Shannon.”

Does he even know how he’s acting? Like, can he see it? Or is she being entirely overly sensitive? This is completely how he used to be when he’d come home from overseas and he’d shut her out and they’d fight… And… And she just can’t fucking live like that again. But maybe he doesn’t even realize? Maybe she’s overreacting? She needs to test it. 

“Why are you having a bad day?” She asks. 

“What?” Eddie replies. 

“You said you’re just having one bad day! Why are you having a bad day?” 

Eddie groans. If he wasn’t driving, he’d probably make some annoyed little gesture. Pinching his nose or running a hand through his hair. Pointing at something. He likes to point. Like a keyed up hunting dog.

“There was arbitration today,” Eddie admits. 

“Arbitration…” Shannon repeats. “For Buck?”

Eddie nods mutely.

“Oh,” Shannon whispers. So it’s not about her. Or the baby. Or anything but… Well, no. It’s still about family. Still about someone Eddie loves. Loves more than he will say.

Shannon hadn’t known about arbitration. Maddie’s being weird. Buck is avoiding her. Eddie is the personification of a storm cloud. Why would she have known?

“How’d it go?” She asks. 

“Does it seem like it went well?” Eddie fires back.

Shannon glares at him. Bastard. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “It fucking sucked, okay?”

“What happened?” She asks. 

He huffs. “He’s… I… I mean, they made me answer questions. Buck… He… He took it too far, Shannon. He crossed a line. Brought up personal shit of Bobby’s… He… I’m furious with him.”

“Okay,” Shannon says. 

They pull into her apartment parking lot. Eddie parks the truck and kills the ignition. Neither of them moves. 

“To me,” Shannon says cautiously. “It sounded like he had sort of a point? I mean, I don’t know any medical stuff, but… I heard about the rebar?”

Eddie scoffs. “It’s not the same thing, Shan. He could bleed out. He could get knocked into something and bleed internally. He could die, easily.”

Shannon’s stomach twists. “Okay. Okay, you’re saying, in your experience, having seen terrible things happen to human bodies, he shouldn’t be working?”

Another heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Shannon. He’s fine, but let’s say… Let’s say the same thing as before happened. He gets pinned by a fire engine. On these meds? He’s dead.”

Shannon nods. “Right.”

“And either way, he’s… He’s being an idiot! They won’t let him back to the station where he sued the captain.” 

That’s… That’s probably true. Even Shannon can see that. But Buck can’t. He thinks he’s getting his job back. 

“Okay,” Shannon says. “Alright. Ignore for a second that he’s probably wrong about all of this-”

“How?” Eddie demands. 

“Just walk with me,” she insists. 

Eddie clenches his jaw. 

“Why are you mad at him, Eddie?” Shannon asks. 

“Are you kidding?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Shannon says. “I’m not kidding.”

“Were you not listening to everything I just said?”

“I was,” Shannon nods. “And, okay. He’s being stupid and he’s wrong. Got it. Why are you mad at him?”

Eddie’s eyes get a little wet.

“Shannon…”

“Let’s talk it through, right?” Shannon says. “He’s suing your captain and your employer, not you. He’s your friend, even if you don’t work together. Why is this so personally upsetting, Eddie?” 

He’s silent for a while. Longer than Shannon would expect. Like he’s really processing her question. Has he not bothered to ask himself this question? Or was everything that has happened with Buck’s lawsuit just been another thing he tried to swallow without chewing? 

“I don’t understand why he’s doing this to us,” Eddie whispers finally. 

“Who? The 118?” Shannon asks. 

Eddie shakes his head. “Me and him.”

Oh.

“What do you mean?” She asks. 

She thinks she knows, but she also thinks he should just… Say it. Try saying it. It helped her once. She’d never said out loud why she wouldn’t come home to him and Chris. And when she did, she could face it. 

“Buck…” He starts, then he trails off. He wipes his eyes. “This is so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb, Eddie,” she argues. “You obviously need to talk about it.”

He inhales deeply. Long-suffering. 

“It’s like he’s choosing this idea of the job - one that he could have had if he just waited and now won’t get - over us,” Eddie says. “Over… Our friendship.” 

“Honestly? I don’t think he’s thinking about you,” Shannon says. “Not to be a dick… Just… I’m not sure he factored your reaction into his choice.”

[wannaeatramyeon]

ur stuff is so fun to read!! if its ok w u, could u do a taehoon x reader fic where theyre training together and taehoon goes a little too hard on reader? like reader gets upset bc they didnt expect taehoon to go so rough on them and then taehoon spends the rest of the day trying to make it up to them?? ;w; tysm if u do!! have a good one ★

tysm for reading and requesting anon! OF COURSE I CAN! There's a few requests for if X hurts their S/O or the reader. Y'all wanting that sympathy huh?

Seong Taehoon x Reader: Getting accidentally kicked

You had thought that if you were on the receiving end of a kick or a punch, you would be cursing with at least a handful of expletives on reflex. In a serious fight, preferably the adrenaline would flow and you would be able to give back as good as you got.

You had grossly overestimated yourself.

It turns out that, on the receiving end of one of Taehoon's kicks square in the stomach, it actually hurts so much that you cannot utter a sound, struggle to even catch your breath. Bending over double, collapsing to your knees, praying the waves of nausea will pass.

Strong, calloused hands grip you and hold you steady.

It also turns out that Taehoon cannot shut up. Your boyfriend, the sometimes silent but often offensive and deadly type, rambles on and on after the initial shock.

In hindsight, you're not sure which of you is more surprised at his reaction.

"Why the fuck didn't you block? You stupid dumbass. You should have stopped me. How the hell didn't you see that coming? Are you ok? I didn't know you were so weak. I barely even touched you, dipshit. Did I leave a bruise? Were you even paying attention? I didn't mean to hit you so hard. Are you alright? Ugh we shouldn't be sparring, I was worried this would happen!"

Insults and concern all rolling into one big ball of frustration.

And then the waterworks start. You couldn't help it. The pain and Taehoon being so in your face. It's overwhelming. And honestly? Did it also hurt that bastard to hold back a little.

Taehoon absolutely panics. Sure, he's seen you cry before but not because of him hurting you.

Panic leads to your boyfriend not being able to leave you alone. At all.

You don't know whether it starts annoying you or Taehoon first.

Initially, it was fine. You were the one that got the sympathy attention. You didn't mind Taehoon fulfilling your every whim, asking if you're ok, running around for you.

But then it worsened from you being too lazy to do anything to you being forbidden to do anything.

Worried glances drifting to your stomach and ribs every minute, on the minute. Thinned lips and narrowed eyes when you moved at all. Strong arms holding you back and restraining you with an irritable huff and "I'll do it".

If you weren't allowed to do anything then you might as well do nothing.

Might as well just sit there and sulk.

Where the hell had your little nutjob gone? Why was he replaced by a mother hen incessantly clucking around you?

In the end, it was more pain that broke the tension.

Taehoon, in your opinion, flicks you excessively hard on the forehead. A truce, of sorts.

"I know I'm pissing you off. Be careful next time," he says, leaving you to your own devices.

A non-apology from anyone else, a half-apology because you know him.

So you continue to sit and you continue to sulk, only without the presence of your boyfriend next to you.

It feels surprisingly lonely.

Maybe you were too quick to let your temper get the better of you. After all, Taehoon was just trying to look after you, in his own way. It led to you both butting heads but it's the thought that counts.

If you consider it, what exactly are you complaining about? 'Oh no, my boyfriend wanted to make sure I was ok?' Actually, he was overbearing and a little too much. Still.

You grab your phone and reach out-

Y/N: thanks for looking after me

Taehoon: 👍

A thumbs up is good, a thumbs up means it's fine. You know he has no reservation about outright ignoring you.

And because you really do love and appreciate that asshole-

Y/N: love you

Taehoon: 👍

Not 2 minutes later-

Taehoon: ❤️

Taehoon: 🤡

[indristian]

Super specific austrian/german slang words/phrases for my König Headcanons

By an austrian for an austrian character

I feel like this is more for people who already know german, but I did my best to translate or explain the words anyway.

Dodl/Wappler/Kipferl/Lappen (all of them mean "idiot" and imply some sort of clumsiness. The first two don't really have a literal translation, but the third and the fourth translate to "(small) croissant" and "(wash/cleaning)cloth" respectively)

Sacklpicker (slang for "inmate", but most commonly referring to someone disrupting your plans. Could be used interchangeably with "asshole". It isn't really as strong as a word as asshole, like you could say it around children without getting reprimanded)

Teifl! (Lit. "Devil"; interjection meaning "damn it!")

Zefix! (Also meaning "Damn it!", comes from the word Kruzifix/crucifix)

Heilige Maria (und Josef)! (Lit. "Holy Mary (and Joseph)!"; interjection; pretty much just the austrian version of saying "Jesus!" or "Jesus Christ!" when surprised)

Gemma! ("Let's go!"; dialect for "gehen wir")

Gemmas an! ("Let's get (this) started!"; dialect for "gehen wir es an")

Bua/Bursch ("boy" or "young man")

Haberer/Hawerer ("man" or "guy"; very casual)

Mander/Manderleit ("men"; most commonly used when directly speaking to a group of men; example "Gemmas an, Mander!" "Let's get started, guys!")

Madl/Mädl/Gitsche/Menschin/Dirndl/Mötz/Dirn (all of them mean "girl" or "young woman"; not interchangeable with each other bc each word heavily implies dialects from certain regions in Austria "Madl/Mädl" being the most neutral)

Weibische ("woman", casual; depending on region either just a neutral way to say woman or kinda derogatory)

Watschn/Watsche ("slap")

Sich eine fangen ("(to) catch these hands")

Zipf mi nit an!/Geh mir nit aufn Geist! ("Don't annoy me!")

Halt die Goschn!/Halt's Maul! ("Shut up!"; lit. "Hold your mouth!")

Pfiat di!/Habidere! ("Goodbye!"; the first one is specifically saying bye to a single person, saying it to multiple persons would change it to "Pfiat eich!"; the second one literally translates to "have the honor")

Griaß di! ("Hello!"; lit. "I greet you (singular)", to make it plural change it to "Griaß eich!")

Servus!/Seas!/Servas! ("Hello!" and "Goodbye!")

Bim (slang for "tram", apparently for the sound it makes instead of honking)

Tschigg/Tschick ("cigarette" or "cigarettes")

Bussi/Busserl ("kiss" or "peck"; example: "Soll i dir a Bussi drauf gebn?" "Should I kiss it better?")

Bist derisch!? ("Are (you) deaf!?")

Ja no na nit! (Very sarcastic response to something super obvious)

Ja, eh! ("Yeah, duh!")

Extrawurst (Lit. a type of thinly sliced sausage; a person needing special treatment)

Fladern ("(to) steal")

Gschamig ("shy"; example "Was bist'n so gschamig?" "Why are you being so shy?")

Habschi/Hapschi ("Loverboy")

Gspusi (genderneutral "lover" or "affair")

Piefke (is what we more or less lovingly call Germans)

Ge, jetz hea auf zum raunzen! ("Now, stop complaining/whining already!")

Schiach ("ugly" or generally not good; something can taste, look or feel "schiach")

Fesch ("gorgeous"; referring to people, their attributes or their clothing; example: "Heut schaust fesch aus!" "You're looking good today!")

Heisl/Häusl ("outhouse" or "toilet")

Chefität(en) ("Chef" in german means "boss"; "Chefität" is someone superior to your job position and "Chefitäten" is just the plural; if someone were to complain about a stupid rule some superior implemented they'd say something like "Na, da habn sich die Chefitäten mal wieder was eingebildet!" "Well, the superiors thought they did something there")

Gendarm/Gendarmerie/Kiberer/Kiwara ("policeman" or "police"; the first two are kind of old words and almost only used by people that are like 35+ y/o or children playing "Räuber und Gendarm"/"cops and robbers")

Wallischer (This one's kinda very specific to the region I'm from and means "Italian")

Sesselreiten (Lit. "riding a chair"; balancing on the two back legs of a chair)

Schau zu, dass Land gewinnst! (Lit. "See, that you win land!"; meaning "Scram!")

Notgroschen ("emergency fund"; "Not" meaning "emergency" and "Groschen" being the old Austrian currency)

Mahlzeit! (Lit. "meal time"; kinda like "Bon Appétit"; something we say at lunchtime, when we are eating or when we see someone eating; sometimes we also use it when we something really gross, implying it's so gross we lost our appetite)

If you want to use any of these, but aren't sure on how to use them correctly for a fic or something, please don't be afraid to ask me. I don't bite.

Same goes for general german translations, please don't use google translate

[aris-ink]

U conplain more than you write. You absolutely like everybody else need therapy. Don't consider it a hating comment. But the amount of heartfelt posts you post on here is huge. And it's absolutely normal. But the way you're making it seem like a habit and the repetitive texts you write looks like you struggle with the same problem every time. And let me tell you that I know for sure that you don't receive many complaints as you make it seem cause you're posting asks one by one 24/7 and by the time you post this one too I'd know too since I've sent it just recently.

I m not following you anymore anyway after this ask . Not just because I hate you but because I respect you fondly and know how rare to come across pple like you. But on a real life basis not on a blog where pple don't even know who you are.

I don't understand half of this ask.

"you need therapy, don't consider it a hating comment" why would I? I don't know how long you've been here honey, but I'm very open about being in therapy. I am in therapy already and there's nothing wrong with that. but thank you for the advice? which was so rude and unsolicited, do you go around every blog telling people to go to therapy because they have problems? are you that kind or obnoxius? if it's kindness, and you're so willing to help, please use the kofi link and fund our sessions, thank you. ❤️ unless you only wanna go around making people feel bad for struggling, that is. not that it's gonna work on me, but good try I guess? 3/10 for effort 😭

"the amount of heartfelt posts you make here is huge and it's absolutely normal" but it annoys you all the same? I know it's shocking to hear, but, yes........... my struggles...... are about the same things. sorry I'm not dramatic enough to have a new problem everyday dhdhdhdhfhf

I'm battling with my mental health. I'm battling anxiety, so I repeat myself, because when I have no energy to reply I don't want people to feel ignored. I'm explaining myself when people misunderstand me so that my points are clearer. again, 2/10 bc I sure as hell am not gonna feel bad or apologize for being mentally ill lmao

"I know for sure you don't receive as many complaints as you make it seem" 1/10 I literally could not care less what YOU think. I know what my inbox looks like. I don't respond to hateful asks that are just nonsense, like "abuse enjoyer", "weirdo", "what can we expect from a multi stan", because engaging in a conversation like this is pointless. but asks like this???? why should I keep my mouth shut when you're throwing crap at me?

"I'm not following you anymore anyway after this ask" oh no, why 😭😭😭

please shove all that fake kindness somewhere where someone will care. people like YOU are the reason authors have to hide their struggles, they can't say anything on their own blogs, can't talk to anyone, and then just end up disappearing. because people like you make them feel bad for being human and sharing their thoughts and opinions.

I will complain however much I want on this goddamn blog, I don't go on yours and tell you what to do with it. pay me to write for you and then you will have any right to tell me that I should just do my job and shut up. otherwise? kiss my ass.

thank you for affirming the decision I made to leave lmao.

and to my angels, I know you're not used to seeing this side of me, and I am sincerely sorry, but there are lines that shouldn't be crossed, and I'm not a mat for people to walk all over. 🤷‍♀️

[olderthannetfic]

Fandom discussions that happen through the anon ask box of a third user who kindly lets us share our opinions on her personal blog obviously risk becoming flat and all that, but I'm kind of stuck on that bi4bi M/F ask because, like... what is the point of critiquing fans for their dumb ship wars and then you just insert yourself in said ship wars like that?

There is something to be said about how fandom treats cishet women (by acting like they're the only demographic present, by refusing to acknowledge their existence, by treating cishet women like the the devil, and also by using the "cishet woman" label as a way of silencing any queer person who disagree with one's opinion, which in itself has a number of other implications), but, like (and maybe this feels a bit personal for me because I've seen it happen one too many times) queer people—especially bisexuals—often "insist" that their M/F ships are bi4bi bc they're tired of bisexuality getting erased, especially when online fandom, like most other online (and offline) spaces, loves to both imply and directly state that bisexual people in M/F relationships aren't queer, or not queer enough, with the opposite also happening in F/F and M/M ships, where a character suddenly turns monosexual, or where bisexuality is not even contemplated.

It feels pretty naive to not take into consideration how that "insistence" often comes from a place of hurt, and not from the implication that being straight is Bad And Wrong™.

And obviously, whatever, everyone can ship whatever they want. But I have to question how many queer people—who aren't, like, antis or whatever—just go up to other fandomgoers and tell them that they're being queerphobic, really, because X ships should be bi4bi. Because there is a difference between someone saying that X and Y are bi, actually, in their own profile (or even lamenting the lack of bi4bi ships) vs. them directly going under a fanfic or other people's post to accuse them of being too straight or whatever.

It can still be annoying, mind you. Sometimes there are implications in how people explain themselves and share what they'd like to see more of in fanworks. I know for sure that some of the "Why don't we never see X" post can be annoying as fuck. Also, fans do often weaponize their (even if real, tangible) pain as a way to win arguments and demonize the other side—we see this happen with antis all the time. But it kinda makes me laugh when people try to critique this by flattening the discussion like this.

Obviously, discourse is annoying and wanting to be as far as possible from it is 100% understandable. And sometimes people just want to complain, which is also fair. But I feel like generalized complaints like this, posted on what is basically a public forum, often just fuels the discourse instead of shutting it off.

--

TBH, the main time I see bi4bi come up is when I post stats about het on FFN or something, and people come out of the woodwork to remind everyone that just because something is f/m, that doesn't necessarily mean it's het. (I promise you that 99.99999999% of the stuff I surveyed on FFN is the hettiest het to ever het.)

I haven't seen any policing of other people shipping the same m/f ship for not making it bi4bi. It might be out there, but it's not something I run into.

I have seen plenty of complaints about canons that end in m/f with a bi character not being queer enough. The funniest one I ever saw was about Stage Beauty.

I mean... it does end in the leads getting together... But...

(This is that historical movie where he's an actor playing women's roles, then the law changes, and men can only play men and women are allowed to be actresses. It upends his whole life and loses him his boyfriend. His assistant who's obsessed with him in kind of a "Do I want them or do I want to be them?" way takes over his old signature role of Desdemona. He's bitterly jealous, of course. Then they invent naturalistic acting in the space of a month because this movie is very historically accurate. Anyway, it would be pretty queer just for all the gender bullshit that's going on in the main f/m ship even if he weren't visibly also interested in men.)

IDK, I've found annoying people on both sides of this: letting you know f/m can be bi4bi when nobody asked and insisting things are Not Queer just because the endgame ship is f/m.

[shootyourse1f]

This is just a stupid vent since I don't wanna post this crap on my main.

My friend is annoying the FUCK out of me dude it's not even funny anymore it's so hard being nice to that bitch every single moment we talk feels like HELL because all she does is call me fucking slurs and tell me to kms like hello?? Who tf do YOU think you are?? Yeah, yeah, I'm probably sensitive af for this, but who tf tells/says to a person who deals with suicidal thoughts (pretty openly) to KILL THEMSELVES EVERY 5 FUCKING SECONDS OF EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY. Besides, it's just so annoying and repetitive, and I'm getting to the point where I wanna lash out at her and block her to give her a taste of her own stupid medicine. Constantly saying she'll block me for dumb crap?? Then do it!! But wait, she probably knows nobody in this world is gonna put up with everything and be supportive AND not complain.

And she goes ON AND ON ABOUT HOW ME LIKING ERIC HARRIS IS BAD LIKE OMG NO SHIT? ARE YOU STUPID. She says the most obvious crap in the world and asks as if I don't know it already. God forbid I make ONE STUPID AND CORNY JOKE ABOUT ERIC AND SHE'LL BE ALL UP ON MY ASS FOR IT BUT THEN SHE SAYS THE SAME SHIT ABOUT THIS GUY SHE HAS A CRUSH ON AND THEN ITS FINE?? like I don't say shit to her when she starts going on and on and on about this guy but I make the smallest remark/comment about eric and oh my lordddd

And she texts me NONE FUCKING STOP EVEN THOUGH I'VE TOLD HER 3 TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING GOOD MENTALLY FOR WEEKS. LIKE OH MY GOSH SHUT UP. And jesus I can't repost SHIT on my main tiktok acc bc then she'll be all up in my dms saying how she knows I'm awake and how I'm ignoring her like YEAH?? take the hint dude. And I've told her countless times in the past that if I'm not in the mood to TALK, I won't reply until I feel better. It feels as if she doesn't listen, like when am I gonna get it through her head??

And she calls me crap like faggot, fattie and the n word when trying to get me to respond like bro just fucking stop. I've expressed to her time and time again that I don't like being called a literal fucking slur (the n word) and that it makes me uncomfortable but once again GOD FORBID SHE EVER LISTENS BC AT THE TIME SHE KEPT ASKING IF I WAS NOW OKAY WITH IT AFTER I TOLD HER LIKE WTF??? NO BRO IM NOT. BUT GOSH SHE ASKED SO MUCH I JUST ENDED UP SAYING YES BC SHE WOULDNT STOP.

And gosh, I can't talk about my literal BESTFRIEND without her calling him a slur and saying I should just forget about him??? Like who tf are YOU to tell me to forget abt him. And it stresses me out since she constantly asks if I consider her better than him yet, and it's just like, dude?? I've known him for way longer. I've only known her for a year, so....but she wants ME to consider her MY best friend when she doesn't consider me one and talks shit about me WITH her real best friend wtf.

And she quite literally forced me to do a face reveal and kept begging. She used the excuse that she revealed hers, so I should do the same when I never even asked her to reveal it?? Why tf should I when it was a YOU decision to do it.

I swear to GOD, though that she makes me wanna turn like eric and commit a fucking crime dude and yeah this is an overreaction since I shouldn't kill anybody over someone bothering me but Jesus I already have so much anger over a lot of crap and she doesn't help. I try and be as nice as I can be, but wtf is the point if she's still such a bitch and atp I'm so done with it all bro.

She makes me so filled with rage and hate along with most other people (this part might seem edgy but bear with me guys) to the point I genuinely wanna do some of the worst shit known to man. I won't ever act on any of these feelings (I hope), but I don't know how much longer I can deal with any of this bullshit anymore it's getting to the point where I wanna delete and block basically everyone ik.

This is all getting too long, so I'll end it here, but I'll make another vent probably later on since I'm still pissed off by a lot of crap but it's all to much for one post.

[081098]

work stuff? mostly just complaining but if anyone has advice then please help because i'm fucking frustrated.

recently started a remote job. iirc, i was asked about my setup during the interview. i let them know i have a desktop and a laptop and i'm pretty sure i told them i should be able to setup two monitors.

my supervisor has requested that i have a setup with 2 screens. recommends to use larger screens if possible. okay cool whatever, my pc has a good sized monitor. i'll try to connect my pc with my laptop first. i can project wirelessly sometimes but not consistently and it's stupid slow bc my pc is kinda old. okay fine, i'll get a monitor. i buy one, like $20. if this works i will looking into getting compensated, but nbd if not.

well fuck me, i can't get it to work with my pc. it works with my laptop though i'd need to set up the account all over again (annoying - plus it's not a large screen anyways). let me try some other cables. i go and buy two, try them, they don't work. i go back and return them, buy two others and try them. they also don't work, i return them. my guess is that my pc's hdmi port doesn't work properly, and there's no usb-c/thunderbolt port either.

ugh fine. guess i'll just continue doing the wireless connection. problem is that sometimes my laptop just doesn't fucking show up as a wireless device i can project to. why. hate it here.

my supervisor has also told me that my computer is too slow, and i should consider """investing""" in a better one for work. i told her very specifically today that if she expects me to buy a brand new computer just so i can set up two monitors, then she will have to wait for me to save up and do so. (i do not want to do this without some type of reimbursement. it would take several months at minimum, and moreover i think this is an unreasonable request. you have no right to tell me how to spend my paycheque. surely you have no right to make me spend my money on work-specific equipment.) i want to scream right now.

writing this out, lots of red flags with this job (including other things i have excluded because this is the main thing i'm annoyed about) but i'm gonna have to tough it out for a bit.

questions/frustrations:

is it even okay to complain about the speed of my computer? i do think that part of committing to a remote job means being willing to have equipment to do it *most efficiently*, but i honestly don't see an extra couple seconds of load time + keyboard input delay as that big of an issue.

if you feel that my computer is too slow/old to handle the remote work and you think i need to upgrade in order to do this job more efficiently (obv i'm biased and defensive, but i think i'm decently efficient anyways), then shouldn't you be providing that equipment? if you're requesting a specific setup (fast computer, second monitor) shouldn't that be provided or at least partially reimbursed?

should i just set up on my laptop to shut her up? i feel like she wouldn't like that either because it's a small screen, though i would be able to project to the second monitor. should i get her expectations for equipment in written format and ask the boss about it??

[abcdosaka]

other stuff

i bought britney's memoir day 1 and read it in two days. obviously. really really good i'm so glad i got it bc her voice is captured very clearly but also its written in a captivating way that really sparks my interest like i didn't wanna put it down. it was a better reading experience than i'm glad my mom died, like that book was great and it made me cry too but something about the way all the chapters were separated made it annoying to read sometimes.

the only reason i didn't read it all at once is bc i had to sleep and i was getting into the start of the conservatorship which was really hard to read. a lot of it is actually hard to read, esp the divorce and her being institutionalized, i think bc i'm kind of a stan so reading her personal feelings on everything was really tough. but anyway i cried twice

idk people were complaining like "we already knew all this tho" but you never heard it directly from britney?? like why are you complaining? didn't you wanna know britney's perspective on everything? how are you even a fan. i knew a lot of this stuff bc there have been deep dives on her and i've read them like a lot of her early life and the stuff abt her family history have been documented and aren't really a surprise to me but i always took them w several grains of salt bc you could never confirm this stuff unless she personally confirmed it, which in this case she did.

i even saw people saying they wanted her to talk about the original doll and her music like what? i don't think this was ever a memoir that was meant to be about her music i mean this is for her for express herself in her own words for once. well she did say that part 2 is coming next year so maybe she'll cover it there.

genuinely tho i can't understand wanting to lock people up like that its actually monstrous. and the only reason is bc they wanted to use her as a cash cow. and now everyone's like she keeps posting naked pics on ig :( was ending the conservatorship a mistake? like actually shut the fuck up. first of all, in general, infantilizing someone and making them helpless is not helping them develop any sense of independence in the first place. second of all, all she does is post naked pics and dancing vids with all the emojis like what is the problem!!!!! maybe its the cctv angle but she's like 40 please give her a break. maybe she's a little cringe WHO CARES shes literally just having fun and loving her body. she's literally not harming anyone. you think ppl should be institutionalized and 'handled' just for being a little weird?

anyway whatever i'm not engaging with the morons or conspiracy theorists anymore. people on the internet are so fucking dumb and lacking in any sense of understanding or empathy. the ppl that say she should be are always so judgemental and have horrible vibes and yet i'd still never say "we should put them in a conservatorship". like you go ahead and make your stupid decisions and say your shitty opinions on your own.

kinda on topic kinda off but when my parents get old enough that they can't function i really don't wanna put them in a home or anything even resembling a conservatorship type scenario. i'd hate to see them suffer or have no freedoms and elder abuse scares me icl. they're p dogshit at emotions and i don't particularly like to talk to them about serious shit and idk how i'll come out to them if ever but i do love them and i could never imagine that for them. and even just as a basic human right i want them to make their own decisions.

ugh i made this post so long too. but its been a while since i've been on my britney stan shit so its ok. ive been really into mamamoo again lately. another other ggs too. i really like le sserafim and g-idle. i used to kinda hate idle's music but i think its gotten a lot better lately bc queencard and nxde are soooo good. tomboy is good too but the lyrics are so strange that its distracting (like its okay in their other songs but in tomboy its just too much for me for some reason). le sserafim has really good title tracks and the rest of the album is like eh but epbw and antifragile are some of the best new music i've listened to, antifragile was so addicting.

also looking forward to: the red velvet album. red velvet either releases the greatest music ever or like the worst song i've ever heard in my life. there's more good than bad though so i'm excited. seulgi's solo album was soooo good i only just listened recently but its the groups best solo concept imo.

they're making a dungeon meshi anime and i'm actually excited!! my fav part of dungeon meshi was always the beginning and middle parts like the beginning is REALLY strong. there's also gonna be the love condition anime and that i'm a little less excited for bc that series is the opposite, it gets really good as the chapters go on but the beginning is like wow hananoi you really gotta chill and the anime will only adapt that initial portion :/ will still be watching tho

can't think of anything else but it was nice to write random shit after a while of not doing that. i feel good :)

[troglobite]

GREAT NEWS

i've prepared for the game tomorrow!

also though potentially only 4 of 6 players are going to even show up

we won't have zoom if that's the case

and only 3 of those 4 who show up will even attend the class that i've prepared

i have no idea what they're all going to want to do

also i've deliberately made the 4 puzzles they have to solve even harder bc even though i said it would/should be a short session i'm Angery and Bitter bc one of the players said they breezed through the puzzles in 90 mins last time and i was insulted so i've tried to make them harder by taking away all hints and instructions, and then also these are the puzzles that have the most instructions and steps which is why i removed them from the last game

also trying to dm a game for 6 people is hard enough

but when those 6 people variously (not all do these, but one or two each):

don't fucking read the things you give them or pay any attention and clearly don't take notes

fall asleep or stop paying attention during the game when it's not "their turn"

see the game as something to Win against the dm

like minmaxing

are exclusively into rping

are exclusively into combat

didn't fucking answer honestly or clearly or accurately during SESSION ZERO or the pre-game FOUR QUESTION survey abt boundaries and expectations

hate 2 of the other players in the group

do not answer any dms or messages from me in a timely manner

are playing a character who doesn't even want to be where they are in the game, and therefore is not a team player

do not communicate their needs or boundaries with me

voice unhelpful criticisms of the things i've made for the game

and then also, all 6 of them:

do not want to compromise on their preferred play style to help make the group and game work better

like that's extremely fucking hard

and i'm tired! and depressed! and dealing w new chronic illnesses! and a lot of stressors! and i'm NOT GETTING PAID for the sheer VOLUME of work i am putting into this game for all of them.

i'm also under A LOT of pressure to NOT QUIT THIS GAME bc other campaigns we've tried playing have ended prematurely and fallen apart

but i'm also currently in the middle of an identity crisis and idk if i actually like dming! i like the world i've built and the overarching story i've made!

but that's the other thing: they did all agree that they wanted an overarching campaign plot and i've tried giving that to them and i just 🙃

like i guess it's early in the campaign

but i am running out of ideas bc i wanted to do certain session ideas later in the campaign

i'm just complaining

bc this is NEW to me. it's REALLY FUCKING HARD. and it's PARTICULARLY difficult bc the players are making it difficult--and not on purpose! and i'm doing my DAMNEDEST to accommodate everyone.

and i'm doing my best to set clear expectations for everyone and to communicate what i need from THEM.

but it's just not sticking or working. and i'm tired.

i've had a shitty week, i feel like shit, i'm tired. i much prefer playing in a campaign, as do most people, yeah.

but i also would prefer playing in a group where people fucking agree about what they want out of the game instead of them getting irritated with each other and not playing along

i'm annoyed w them trying to guess or one up or see behind the curtain or catch me out

i'm tired of them insulting my npcs or pointing out mistakes i make in a way that's not helpful

and they're not even being mean to me! apparently they enjoy the game??? ostensibly, everything is fine!

but i'm just frustrated and i'm not good at dming. i KNEW it was hard before agreeing to do it. i thought i put enough bumpers on this campaign that it would be fine. but it's fucking incredible how batshit this fucking group is and how IMPOSSIBLE it is to pin ANYONE down. how many things i have to do to work w each player and try and make it work.

and then my memory just Shuts The Fuck Off for this. it's so fucking impossible. as a player i remember EVERYTHING. as a dm, i have to ask to refer to player notes IF THEY EVEN HAVE THEM WHICH THEY BASICALLY NEVER DO

so i have to sort and categorize and sift through the 200+ pages of information and worldbuilding and character/PC info and lore that i have and make sure i'm organized so i can keep track of that shit

i could do this flying by the seat of my pants but i want to put work into it and make it good

and i'm just. idk what i expect from my players.

but i'd like them to player characters who engage w the world they're in and are given, who want to be in the group, who want to see what happens and where we go from here, who aren't challenging the suspension of disbelief required, who aren't criticizing everything i do for this game when THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DMING ANYTHING THAT ISN'T A ONESHOT (which btw i've only done TWICE EVER, and once was with a completely different game system!)

and so i'm tired and crabby and bitching

i don't hate them

i don't resent them

but i'm tired and frustrated and spent an annoying amount of time having to fix my puzzles for our game tomorrow

and there is still one player WHO HASN'T CONFIRMED WHETHER OR NOT SHE'S EVEN SHOWING UP

AND THAT'S KIND OF FUCKING IMPORTANT BECAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T WE DON'T HAVE ZOOM AND ALSO TONS OF IN-GAME REASONS

okay i need to go get my hair cut and shower and then relax so i can enjoy yuzu's GIFT show tonight

if you are cass or jo reading this i'm not mad at you and secretly seething or something bc that would be unhelpful but it is also unhelpful for me to complain abt this to/with you guys so like don't take personal offense

if there's something i need sorting out in the game i will just bring it up tomorrow or at a future session

i'm just tired and overwhelmed and frustrated just in general.

also i need to not schedule games on my period.

[slythereen]

[bring back the days of being able to edit earlier posts bc this is starting to need a read more /shakes fist at tumblr] [rip to your dashes i can only do so much]

i think we may just have a fundamentally different understanding of events and facts that i'm not sure can be addressed in one tumblr post (esp when i should probably be writing my actual arguments for my actual work as opposed to engaging in scholarly debate, but i digress), nor am i sure that me presenting facts is going to move you in the slightest from your own interpretation, but far be it for me to not try.

just want to preface this with the fact that no one has ever said carlos isn't allowed to have emotions or feel disappointed about how he was let go (in fairness, i think the lh leak really fucked up whatever meeting ferrari planned to have with him, but still i can understand why that would be upsetting). the toxic view f1 pundits take towards emotional expression and mental health of drivers is not one i support. drivers ARE and should be human in all senses, and i have actually said before that i don't mind the extremely human response of being competitive messy bitches on main (it's the context that matters to me).

exhibit a: charles' comments today were probably on the limit. the not so subtle reminder that carlos is feeling desperate due to his lack of a contract was mean. however, charles is also human with emotions and has been faced with disrespect and shady comments for years while keeping his mouth shut. carlos clearly angered him in the race (and whatever was said in parc ferme did not help), he was being a bit mean spirited. i think it's warranted and justified given the treatment charles receives from the media constantly, and the toxic shit the 55 camp has brought to the table (like, say, canal+ spectating on charles' mental health being a detriment to his driving all too recently and carlos' family liking posts calling him honorless/a rat/etc. say what you will about it being his family and not him, those people manage his career and clearly feel comfortable openly supporting that shit.)

charles so, so rarely responds. even when carlos twists narratives (remember "well i had the same brake issue as charles" from earlier this year? when charles had a 100 degree imbalance and carlos had normal braking challenges? to list just one of many). even when the media invents narratives and slanders him and goes on a campaign against his abilities (constantly saying he's not a thinking driver like carlos, is too soft unlike carlos, maybe ferrari kept the wrong driver, etc). again: carlos isn't responsible for the media. but he does feed it and foster those narratives, the spanish media closely associated with his family is the most notorious with their slander, and my point here is actually about the fact that charles has been dealing with it and ignoring it. i can forgive him not only because i am a hater at heart and will defend my driver's crimes (joking) (mostly), but because i think it is incredibly expected that he might see carlos ignoring team strategies again and driving dirty against him again and get annoyed enough to get sassy.

(let's not forget that carlos' response was "he is always complaining, i don't know what he's complaining about now." is that not rude? i think it's ridiculous and false, but i don't fault him for a snappy reaction to a snappy quote. because i understand emotional responses in the moment. i just don't understand blatantly lying to make a point.)

i'm not even sure where to start of the teammate/ferrari favoring charles narrative, because this is a subject that has been tackled by so many historians before me in much greater detail. i actually can't fully address it to try to help you see why it's objectively false. but to give a quick counter to each:

charles not being a team player? charles IS ferrari. charles backs ferrari and the team's strategies and defends them in the media even when shit doesn't go his way or ferrari screws him over most of the time. it's really only until recently that he's started to call ferrari out, and that's partially in response to the narratives that have been building around him. it's also crazy to pretend that charles would never try to assist carlos, when singapore 2023 is Right There. yes, carlos got pole himself. but charles put on softs to overtake and back up the pack, building a 5 second gap at ferrari's request despite putting himself at risk, and it was HIS plan to do so. because he recognized that carlos out-qualified him and deserved the prioritization and it was one of ferrari's only shots at a win. at the time lecfosi were only dismayed because we knew (and were correct!) that carlos would never return the favor if given the opportunity. i have also never once heard carlos say that there was a pre-race strategy that ferrari agreed on that charles disobeyed — but i have heard charles (and fred) say that carlos has, multiple times.

which brings me to "carlos is a team player." which is an incredible take, given silverstone 2022 and the infamous fucking over his teammate that led binotto getting sacked because it was that bad. sure, maybe you could say that it was one time and years ago, but the fact is that carlos' attitude has NEVER changed. he had one (1) supportive weekend in monaco this year, after charles had already qualified on pole on a track where overtaking is nonexistent, and carlos really did not have to do anything to help charles that he wouldn't have done to help his own race. because carlos can only be counted on to help if it helps himself, too.

carlos had the chance to repay the favor from singapore, several times, notably austin and mexico (and a few others where charles out-qualified him though not on pole). carlos was not told to hold position. charles said (in austin, i believe) that ferrari didn't even consider doing a 2 v 1 strategy at the start (my guess being because they know carlos wouldn't agree to it). carlos attacked, or begged to be let by because he was "faster" (read: grinding his tyres into nothingness to try to push and claim he was faster with drs), or fought charles harder than he fights anyone else.

(monza, btw, is maybe the only time i would say charles toed the line — but charles is NOT the one who jeopardized both cars by cutting corners, forcing his teammate off track, and pulling dirty illegal shit to stay ahead. and he wasn't given orders not to fight that he ignored. carlos made that last battle messy and dangerous, make no mistake, and if not for the fact that it was a teammate spat, i really think he would have gotten a penalty for at least one of those moves. it may be fair to say that charles attacking at the end of the race is selfish, and that may be fair, but i wouldn't actually fault carlos for doing the same IF he could be trusted to race cleanly and not put both cars at risk doing it. i wouldn't like it, obviously, but objectively it would be fair.)

don't even get me going on "ferrari favors charles with strategies" because that's... yeah. they rotate priority in qualifying (even when they probably shouldn't, given carlos' tendency to slow both cars down when he is in front, cough canada) and then prioritize the driver who qualifies ahead — when it's carlos. charles very, very rarely gets the same level of protection and priority when he out-qualifies carlos (because he doesn't need it but also because carlos cannot be trusted to agree to being useful). you literally just have to cruise through some of the reactions to 90% of last season's races to see that people were annoyed with charles' strategy CONSTANTLY because it was never, ever equally applied to the drivers and that is the problem. (and because, frankly, it is astonishing that ferrari favors carlos so much given that he's out. like legitimately, i am baffled. i WISH ferrari favored charles half as much as you think they do.)

i've actually said before — very early on, before carlos got too much on my nerves — that i think carlos suffers from the tax of having charles as a teammate in unfair ways sometimes. i was being truthful when i said i think carlos can be selfish and competitive as a racing driver, but it's always going to look bad because charles does not prioritize himself over ferrari (much as some would imply otherwise). charles asks that his teammate not aggressively attack him or defend against him when they've agreed not to or when the overall strategy for ferrari would benefit from teamwork (and, yes, sometimes when he thinks he deserves it!). that is different than carlos demanding to be prioritized regardless of the outcome for charles and ferrari as a whole, because he values beating charles more than performing well.

btw, just for the record, it's not just charles. remember carlos terrorizing rookie oscar piastri and then blaming him for it, much to all of f1twt and all of the pundits' outrage (and then continuing to start shit with oscar all the time)? carlos (today) beefing with lewis and complaining about shit less aggressive than what he pulls all the time and on his own teammate? carlos consistently impeding other drivers in quali or pushing them off track and getting away with out penalties (miraculously)? he's a menace to other drivers too. i just don't follow those crimes as closely, obviously. (note how many williams fans really do not want that man despite him being a decent driver for a midfield team to benefit from. and why do you think all of the top teams passed on him if he's so incredibly perfect? because they know that his attitude and the toxicity he brings to things are the problem, not necessarily his decent driving.)

good shout on the fred comment, actually. because i obviously do not trust what he says all the time, especially in that interview, but i do think you're taking his quotes out of context a bit. he didn't say that there was no damage; he said that they hadn't been able to review all the data and car yet. he also never said that charles was "entirely incorrect." he said that carlos' stunt did not cost charles p4, because there were other factors that could have contributed to that and they should have qualified better. that is not unlike what charles said himself, though he was right to point out that disobeying team strategy and attacking him dangerously screwed up his race (it forced him onto a different strategy, etc). maybe he wouldn't have gotten p4 anyway, but he was really close in the end and that extra bit of lost time and strategy could have made the difference. it was just unnecessary for carlos to jeopardize it (and it didn't even help his own race).

so no, it's not fair of me to use fred's word as gospel while also questioning it, but i don't think you've represented what he said in the first place. anyway.

i really don't know what to say about the aside on charles lacking a champion mentality and lacking hunger and the ability to fight like max etc etc because it really just echoes some of the nasty shit media and fans have said about him for years. all i'll say is that charles leclerc has incredible mental strength and resolve, regardless of his driving abilities, and it feels like an incredibly bad faith argument to claim the same guy that you are criticizing for showing some teeth today doesn't have any teeth to show in the first place. especially when max verstappen himself would loudly disagree.

carlos saying its been too many times charles has complained after a race. girl first of all, the call is coming from inside the house. the pot is calling the kettle black. second of all, he doesn’t complain enough. he should have ripped ur ass to shreds ages ago 😭😭😭

it's incredible how dedicated that man is to contributing to his own joblessness... much as i want to see williams suffer, i need james taking note of this and running tf away

[jolalibrary]

I read the post that we can send prompts soo... pouting Zemo bcs you have been ignoring him all day

honestly, anon! I'm always down for more Zemo in my life. hope this is ok? (Part of the sleepover)

+++++++++++++

helmut zemo x reader summary: he's not sure what has stolen your attention, but he knows he doesn't like it. wordcount: 1k

++++++++++

Helmut Zemo isn't sure what you’re doing, but just knows you're not doing him.

Hidden behind a door you have locked shut, a simple handwritten sign telling him to not disturb. And, even if he shouldn't be, it annoys him.

Very little gets to him after all the loss he's already experienced. But sharing you is something which rattles him. He despises it, in fact. 

He hated it from the moment he met you.

Because, even if he tried not to, he found himself vying for your attention. Trying to find innocent reasons to talk to you without James or Sam.

Not knowing or realising that you liked talking to him—just him. Having a soft spot for him, as much as he did for you. Being rewarded with a kiss for being persistent and so much more for being a gentleman.

And now he's competing with something—or someone—all over again.

This time, though, he isn't entirely sure what he's fighting against. Drained by the idea of it all again, annoyed with himself for forgetting that you'd have moved on in the short time he'd been locked back up.

Annoyed because he knows he should be grateful. Relief that it's you he's bound to, on house arrest in the confines of your home for a reason no one can adequately explain to him. But he can't complain. And shouldn't, either.

Because the moment James left him in your capable hands, he found himself with his own hands full. And they have been, from time to time, for the last two weeks.

Until today. Today, you’re hiding from him.

Locked in your office. His hand brushed over your cold sheets when he woke. Descending the stairs to find cold coffee in the pot. The wisps of your perfume in the air, but no person, not even a sound.

It wasn’t that he slept in particularly late. A trait of his time in the military and the schedule he’d been on when Carl had been young. But, as of late, you were up earlier than him. 

Something you rarely ever were before. You liked and needed lots of sleep. Became a nightmare without it. You grumbled and became irritable, half-depending on naps even if the world was on fire. He'd found it cute, even if your friends did not.

His mouth shifts as he remains lost in his mind, not recognising he was even pulling an expression until he saw you in front of him. Lifting his eyes, taking you all in.

“Are you… pouting?”

“No,” he says too firmly, too quickly. Continuing to stir his fruit tea with a spoon.

But, your arms are folding, brow arching, and he knows before it appears that you'll smirk. And you do.

He both loves and hates it equally. Because on one hand, it makes your eyes twinkle, but it also informs him he’s been caught. A smirk you first sent him when John Walker handcuffed him; a similar smirk he sent back when he broke free with ease.

"Why are you pouting?"

He shifts his face, attempting to quickly bury it.

Hating he even had been, never mind been caught.

“Ze," you continue quickly. “Don’t do the head tilt…”

He swallows. "I hadn't been about to."

He had. But, he rather hated that you knew him so well. Saw through him when he felt he'd only just begun to scratch the surface when it came to you.

The things he did know, mainly how insatiable you were, had presented themselves easily. The rest, it feels like he moves further from learning the closer he gets.

"You're a terrible liar for a criminal mastermind."

He quirks a brow.

Not that you notice, too busy moving from your position to darting around your kitchen. Likely for food since it's long past lunch.

 "So," you continue, pulling open cupboards before rustling fills the air, "Why are you pouting?"

His mouth opens, almost ready to spill his secrets. Thankfully, he refrains. Managing to catch the words before they're even said, likely looking more idiotic the longer he stands there.

So, he places his spoon in the sink, returning to lean against the counter, taking a sip, even if it burns his tongue.

And then you say his name. Not a nickname. Not Zemo, Zee or Hel. But Helmut.

In that soft but stern way, you do when you want an answer. One he's heard so often directed at others.

"You have been gone. All day, in fact."

He hears you hum. A short sound, one having brewed at the back of your throat before you close the cupboard door, holding nothing.

"And, I'm guessing that's bothered you?"

Annoyance and embarrassment descend over him.

Because he's not been this weak, this needy, in a long-time. Not required attention from anyone.

"Immensely," is how he answers.

Sighing afterwards, hoping to exhale his emotions.

It doesn't work.

It never does.

His eyes catch you nod before moving closer. Finding you leaning against the counter beside him in the corner of his eye, your hands fall to your sides. For a second, there's nothing else, and he feels irritation growing in the places his other emotions haven't touched.

And then your fingers brush over his.

"I hope... I hope that doesn't bother you," he adds, quieter than he originally intended. "I've grown used to your company, is all."

"Grown implies I've worn you down."

He snorts, placing his cup down, before turning his head to face you. "A poor choice of words on my part, Liebling."

You smile. "I know, Hel." Your fingers weaving with his. "I'm not going to apologise for leaving you to stew and pout, though."

"Truthfully, I hadn't expected you to."

You nod. "Good. Because if I'm going to continue wearing you down, I need you alive."

He raises his brow as you shake your head.

"Another time. For now, I feel I have some attention I need to give." Your body moves from beside to in front of him, fingers remaining connected as his free hand slides over your hip. "How would you like me to make it up to you?"

He considers many things.

Some involve bed sheets, and some involve staying curled against you without removing a single item. Half-torn over what to choose.

"Don't move," he says, gripping your waist a little tighter, "Not for a moment, at least."

[spencstan]

Six of Crows re-read

(i also did this for the shadow and bone trilogy so read that if you want to)

spoiler alert obiously

i'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS this is my comfort book (with crooked kingdom of course)

JOOST HI

oo fun fact this was my first grishaverse book and i read it with no context whatsoever except that the mc is an emo boy and morally grey

so IMAGINE my pure confusion when JOOST appeared

i was like ?????? weird take on morally grey character but ok

joost trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl is a mood

anyone wanna teach us how to???

i kinda wanna skip this part so i can see the crows..

but i won't don't worry

(won't I?

"I think Yuri may be quarantined"

aaaand?

so are we you are not special

i feel like it's very important for me to mention that i read this book in spanish first

and then i got into the fandom and i was like who the fuck is the wraith? i only know El Espectro

Heartender who??? ooo you mean Cardio

Tidemakers? nope, i only know Maremotores

for real i was so confused i had to re-read it in english (not that i mind tho)

say whatever you want about the spanish version but we have to agree that this design is pretty af

another one yay: "Retvenko was a Squaller" vs. "Retvenk era un Impulsor"

(should i also say that in my pfd english version the book is 294 pages long and in my pdf spanish version its 532????) (i think it's because in the english one the speces are way less like the lines are so close together wtf

i've decided that i'm bored so i'll be skiping this chapter

anya is super badass tho

skdgfalsdgfliaysvfascvhjl yesssssss inej

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

KAZ

INEJ

I MISSED THEM

omg now i can picture amita and freddy SDJGKASKGLASG THIS IS AMAZING

we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to watch the shadow and bone trailer once again to hear freddy's beautiful voice

ok moving on!

now hear me out i'm giving you all permission to make fun of kaz for this one: Dirtyhands = Manos Sucias

hello i am Kaz Manos Sucias. nice to meet you!

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

JESPER FAHEY

JESPER LOVE HI

SJDGHFKAHSGDLAJSDFSJ,AHFLHDSGF

I MISSED HIM OMG

OMG NOW I CAN PICTURE HIM AS KIT

can you tell jesper is one of my favourite characters?

i really love the fact that kaz is pissed about the murder of that ambassador ONLY because he can´t figure out how it happen

he´s such a nerd

i can't believe one of the firts things we hear jesper say is threathen to kill someone by writing "forgive me" with bullets

AND HE CALLS HIS GUNS "BABIES" OMG

picture saying hi baby and wylan thinkin he's talking to him but actually jesper's talking to one of his guns

Jesper rolled his eyes. "It's about sending a message. What's the point of a dead guy with forg written on his chest?."

"Compromise," Kaz said. "I'm sorry does the trick and uses fewer bullets."

ooo thank god we have kaz to come up with creative solutions /j /s

honestly i love how they talk about kaz's cane like it's the scariest weapon ever (which it kind of is)

nothing will ever disappoint me more than finding out that in english their gang name is "the Dregs". like i don't even know for sure what that means

in spanish is "Los Indeseables" (the undesirables?) which sounds a lot more badass

no hate tho i like the dregs

but i was confused af bc i expected it to be sometihng like "the undesirables" or"the unwanted" or whatever

and it said "the dregs"

which in the translator means something like shit or something

anways moving on:

If he'd (kaz) ever been a little boy

i love how lowkey all the crows think he was just born exactly like he is now

imagine a baby kaz all dressed in black and threatening people

cute

"No mourners," Jesper said as he tossed his rifle to Rotty

"No funerals," the rest of the Dregs murmured in reply. Among them, it passed for "good luck".

YES

YESSS

i wonder what wylan's doing right now :))

i can't wait for the next book where he has a pov

the first time i read this book i literally looked at the title of every chapter to see if he ever got one (i was disappointed to say the least :((((

Besides, she was the Wraith - the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.

ma'am

marry me please

i'm gonna cry so hard once the show is out and we get to see inej omg

me simp

That Kaz had chosen Jesper to be one of his seconds was no surprise. Twitchy as Jepser was, with or without his revolvers, he was at his best in a fight, and she knew he'd do anything for Kaz.

idk why but i just love it every time kaz implies or shows that he cares or trusts jesper

it makes me soft

But every one of Inej's senses told her that was not how this was going to play out. Her father would have said the shadows were about their business tonight. Something bad was going to happen here.

underrated saying from Inej's father right there

"I'm a business man," he told her."No more, no less"

"You're a thief, Kaz."

"Isn't that what I just said?"

i-

i see no lies here

not to be annoying but i hc jesper as adhd (i mean is pretty much as canon as wylan's dyslexia) so i'm gonna write here every time i see evidence :)

jesper with adhd part 1: impulsivity

Jesper snorted. "Stomach, spine. What's next, spleen?"

"Shut it" Oomen snarled. The rules of parley dictated that only the lieutenants could speak once negotiations had begun. Jesper mouthed "sorry" and elaboratedly pantomimed locking his lips shut.

he know he couldn't speak but couldn't stop himself from making a comment (i relate way too much to that lmao)

hoestly poor jesper he had to watch hid friend get shot and kaz do nothing about it

i would've been mad too

"I like it when men beg," she said. "But this isn't the time for it"

KAHGFAHLGSFGASFLGSAFS

this is one of the best quotes in the book by far

YASSS KAZ POV

Kaz could have tol Jesper that he knew he wasn't dirty, reminded him that he'd trusted him eough to make him his only real second in a fight that could have gone badly wrong tonight.

cute

but kaz is petty af

he didn't even have a reason not to tell jesper that!

i love that kaz knows inej is following him but doesn't say anything because he wants to wait until she's ready

i LOVE the scene where kaz in in the van eck mantion /srs

idk why but it's so good

And, of course, there was the mystery of Van Eck's son.

wonder what that could be!!! /s

He grinned at her (...)

"Hmm." she said noncommittally, pretending to examine one of her knives, determined to ignore that grin.

KANEJ YESS

HE'S BASICALLY SHOWERING IN FRONT OF HER OMG

this is so funny poor inej is getting flustered

"And I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night."

YES WYLAN OMG

One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder

happens to the best of us :/

"Please, my darling Inej. treasure of my heart won't you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?"

if kaz doesn't say this on the show we riot

agreed?

it's so amazing how nina found a way to use her powers to get money instead of having to like steal and murder like the rest in the gang

NINA'S POV YESSS HIII

nina and inej omg

their friendship is just perfect

POOR MATTHIAS HE HAS TO FIGHT THE WOLVES

i would straight up cry

Matthias was dreaming again. Dreaming of her

i'm gonna cry damn it

this is the enemies-to-lovers we all needed

jesper has adhd part 2:

"Jesper was supposed to wait until three bells." said the pale boy

"It is three bells, Kaz." replied a small girl (...)

"Since when is Jesper punctual?" the boy complained with a glance at his watch

the time blindness come one

(btw i love the fact that kaz plans around jesper's time blindness instead of like threatening him to be on time)

i really love how every one feels the need to take the time to say/think that the masks are ugly

its so unnecessary lmao

yessss inej is a badass that kills monster we stan

and matthias is lowkey impressed lmao

as he should

"Thank you, Jesper," said Nina

"You're very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That's how the civilised folk do"

THESE TWO OMG

JESPER IS THE LOML

INEJ OMG LOOK:

She stepped aside as if she's known he was coming, languidly hooking her heel behind his ankle. Matthias let out a loud grunt as he landed on the stones

(...) "Clumsy, this one," the bronze girl said impassively.

i-

that's what happen when you underestimate her bitch

AAAAAAA

PEOPLE

PEOPLE

TIME TO FREAK OUT

WYLAN IS HERE

AND HE'S DOODLING STOP IT'S SO CUTE

ok jesper has adhd part 3 i think:

"Just how crazy is he?" asked Jesper, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his revolvers.

ok first of all: stimming

second of all: hyperactivity

i rest my case

ok 2 or 3 things here

"I believe you know Nina," Brekker continued. "The lovely girl freeing you is Inej. (...) and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel"

"Raske is better," Inej said

The boy looked up, ruddy gold hair flopping in his eyes, and spoke for the first time. "He's not better. He's reckless"

"He knows his trade"

"So do I"

ok 1: kaz calling inej lovely omg kanej

2: YES WYLAN STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF

2.5: kaz calling him the best cute af

3: honestly why do people think wylan is like an innocent soft boy or whatever. he's in a room full of murderers and thieves and the first thing he does is correct them and stand up for himself

like i wish i could do that

i would be crying like a bitch

AAAAAAAA

"Meet Wylan Van Eck"

KHDSGFALSGFIASGFAL

HI WYLAN BABY

YESSS JESPER'S POV NOW

I'M SO HAPPY also look at this it's the first thing in his pov

Jesper stared at Wylan

do i sense some wesper?????

ok everyone is being so mean to him right now

they are aclling him useless and an idiot and other shit

poor boy honestly he had to deal with this + taking part of a heist he is definetly not ready for + he has to hide the fact that he can't write or read

it so distrubing that kaz is literally the nicest one to wylan right now

"See that? Hidden depths." (...)"He's good enough at demo, and he's got a fine hand for sketching, thanks to all those pricey tutors."

(...)

"There you have it," Kaz said to Jesper. "Marketable skills. Wylan is watching you, Helvar"

GET READY

ARE Y'ALL READY?

OK THEN:

"Scheming face," Jesper whispered to Inej.

She nodded. "Definetly."

THEIR FRIENDSHIP OMG

AND THIS QUOTE

I NEED IT ON THE SHOW THEY BETTER GIVE IT TO US

"Who's Mark" damn wylan (but pretty good comeback to jesper tho)

"What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?

"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.

"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.

"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.

"You're all horrible," said Matthias.

tag yourself i'm jesper

KJSFGAL kaz just told wylan to tell him everything he know about his dad's company

and he said he doesn't know and kaz was like "and you never looked trough his documents????

AND THEN HE GOT SAD AND SAID HE HADN'T (and kaz believed him this is sad)

AND NOW JESPER CALLED HIIM USELESS

ok you know i love you jes but if you keep this up

idk i can't do anything you're a sharpshooter

but stiiiiiil

LMAO MATTHIAS ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT KAZ

nice try

demjin

*insert spongebob voice* demjin

WE'RE GONNA TAKE A MOMENT NOW TO APPRECIATE INEJ GAHFA

BECAUSE KAZ DOESN'T

The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.

*ugly crying*

Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

*uglier crying*

TANTE HELLEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

SOMEONE PLEASE STAB HER FOR ME

jesper has adhd part ?? (i have dyscalculia you can't expect me to remember the number):

That sound - the swift, shocking report of gunfire - called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else.

do i really need to explain this?

ok just in case.. an adhd brain doesn't actually have a deficit of attention(the name just sucks) it's problem with controling that attention. the brain is always looking for new sources of dopamine which is why it shifts its focus so much

i love that jes thinks of matthias as "tha giant"

like sir

have you seen yourself?

you're tall af

HE GOT SHOT

WHY DID I FORGET JESPER GETS SHOT IN THE LEG HERE

"Close your eyes!"

"You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan"

"Just do it!"

i love the energy BUT NOW IT'S NOT THE TIME JES

YESS WYLAN SHOW THEM THEY WERE WRONG CALLING YOU USELESS

inej just stabed some guy int the d

good for her!

KAZ YESSSS HI

AWWW SHE'S WORRIED HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS CANE

KANEJ FOR LIFE

oh no wylan got shot too???? (just barely but stilllll por baby)

my Wraith omggg

ok 3 things about this:

Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.

"No!" Wylan shouted, leaning over the railing, his face pale, stunned eyes tracking Oomen in the waves. (...)

Jesper set his hand on Wylan's shoulder. "Let it go."

"It's not right-"

"Wylan," Jesper said, giving him a little shake."Maybe your tutors didn't cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blook and a knife up his sleeve"

1. wesper yasssss

2. wylan just argued with a mant hat had just tacken the eye out of someone. he literally called him out for being an asshole. like damn wylan is brave af i love him

3. do you think seeing kaz trow the guy out of the boat reminded wylan of when the same thing happened to him???? this makes me sad

he's brave and a good person and i just-

"Man with a knife, remember?" he said over his shoulder.

"Man with a gun!" Jesper called after him

this had no right being so funny

AND THEN KAZ GAVE HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER STOP I CAN'T

nina is the biggest kanej shiper no one can tell me i'm wrong

unrelated but if jesper had gone to the Little Palace and had studied there with nina they 100% would've had a crush on Zoya and bonded over it

like you can't tell me those two bisexual disaster wouldn't be absolutely in love with Zoya

jesper has adhd part ??:

Jesper scrubbed the back of his neck, touched his hands to his gunds, returned to his neck. He always seemed to be in motions

hyperactivity right there

and restlessness

"Do you know the best way to find Grisha who don't want to be found?" (...)

"Seems to be if they don't want to be found, you should just let them be" (jesper says this)

this conversation must be so stressful to him omg

LMAO JESPER CUT MATTHIAS HAIR THIS IS SO FUNNY

AND HE SHAVED HIM

ok you all know i love all of them but they can be sooo stupid

like wylan wrote no names on the drawing and he's excuse is that he doesn't know fjerdan?

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE he literally said he learned school fjerdan which means he should know how to write it too (we know why he can't but the tohers don't)

and even then like the excuse doesn't make any sense. why would having the original name be usefull if no one can fucking read it????

the worst part tho? NO ONE QUESTIONED HIM

THEY WERE LIKE "yup makes sense" AND WENT ON WITH THEIR DAY

i wondered how they didn't figure wylan's secret sooner but now i now

it's because theya re idiots

"I'm just doing my job. Stop glaring at me"

wylan baby let's not make the gigant mad

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost."

Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias ghost to kick your ghost's ass."

"My ghost won't associate with your ghost," Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

i had to put this here i don't want to get murdered by the fandom

jesper, inej and nina have the BEST friendship

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JES AND INEJ TOGETHER ON NETFLIX

"I know some people don't understand, but Kaz told me ... he said it was my choice, that he wouldn't be the one to mark me again."

i love this because it happen when they had just met

he did it because he understands her trauma and he respects her not because he loves her (i doubt he did at the time)

Kaz had been impressed with the sketches. (...)

"Just learn to take a compliment. Kaz doesn't hand them out often."

I'M SO PROUD OF WYLAN

and yess kaz only compliments wylan (and inej but that's sarcastic so it doesn't count) because he's a proud dad

"And you don't belong here, either."

"I beg your pardon, merchiling?"

"We don't need a sharpshooter for Kaz's plan, so what's your job - other than stalking around making everyone angsty?"

He shrugged. "Kaz trusts me."

Wylan snorted and picked up his pen. "Sure about that?"

DAMN WYLAN DESTROYED HIM

also

"If you aren't born with every advantage, you learn to take your chances."

"I wasn't-" Wylan left off and set down his pen. (...)

aww cute neurodivergent boyfriends bonding

Wylan had turned back to his work, his disappointment obvious. For some reason, Jesper felt disappointed, too.

ajgflasjgfjagslfiuusgflgdfsgdflasdgfsd

wesper

aww jes checks on inej every morning and every night i love him

"Thank you for keeping me in this world when fate seemed determined to drag me to the next. I owe you a life debt."

Nina blushed deeply. "I was teasing, Inej"

LJFGALKGFALGA another cute friendship right there

(and i can see why people ship them romantically)

STOP INEJ AND JES ARE BONDING SO MUCH (page 127 so i can go back and read it lmao)

Van Eck writes to Wylan every week, and Wylan doesn't even open the letters

"They just said the same thing again and again: If you're reading this, the you know how much I wish to have you home. Or I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind."

should i kill him? anyone want to join me?

Inej bumped her shoulder against his."Then at least we're both the same kind of stupid." (...)

"You're too good for him, you know?"

"I know. So are you"

jes and her bonding over their stupid crush on a white boy

Because I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.

jfsfdajdhmgkfutdjrgsg ok i can't blame them for having a crush on him anymore

this chapter is full of kanej i love it

"What do you want, then"

You, Inej. You forever.

jksdgfoagsdfgsdgfklasgdflaghsldfgksdgfkahgsdfghjlkf

kaz's backstory makes me sad

"When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm," said Kaz. (...)

"I´m gonna pay someone to burn my kruge for me."

Kaz fell into step beside him. "Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what big players do."

"You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone ...". Their voices trailed off as they tomped ahead, and Matthias and the others followed.

JES AND KAZ HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS

i can't believe we get to see nina and matthias meet and their whole backstory in less than a month omg

"It's not natural for women to fight."

"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand."

QUEEN

YOU TELL HIM

oh no the dead grisha

this part breaks my heart every time

"Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?"

.....i'm just gonna leave this quote right here

anyways acab

stop nina tried to kill the survivor so they wouldn't suffer but she couldn't do it

and jesper did it for her without hesitation i wanna cry

and inej didn't want to do it either i want to hug them

"Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are"

..........

i'm gonna leave this here again

do with it what you will

"Don't mock what you don't understand."

"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome you laughter in place of this barbarity"

i- this conversation is so important

AAAAA JES AND WY ARE A GREAT TEAM I LOVE THEM

WYLAN TROWS BOMBS TOGIVE JESPER TIME TO GET READY TO SHOOT

INEJ AND KAZ ARE A GREAT TEAM TOO

THEY LITERALLY DID THE SCENE LIKE IN THE AVENGERS (but without the shield WHICH MAKES IT BETTER)

Jesper shouldered his rifle. "Wylan earned his keep."

Wylan gave a little jump at the sound of his name. "I did?"

YES BABY YOU DID GREAT

kaz getting self-conscious for his hair is pure comedy

but nina how can you say that have you see his hair on the show???? it's perfect

"Remeber our friend Mark?"

HELP I CAN'T

"Any other impossible feats you'd like us to accomplish?"

The bearest smile flikered over Kaz's lips. "I'll make you a list."

once again jesper and kaz being besties

unrelated but nikolai and jesper would love each other

the amount of sass they have between them it's unparalleled

"Mmm," Inej murmured, taking a sip from her mug. "Maybe you're just not enough."

DAMN

ma'am marry me please

kaz fainted damn poor boy

unrelated unce again but this is so much betetr than shadow and bone

like you can tell leigh improved so much

her characters are better and their arcs are better developed

the writing itself it's better

or maybe i'm just biased because i love soc so much but i think she definetly improved

INEJ IS TRYING TO GIVE HIM SPACE EVEN WHEN SHE'S TRAPPED AND LOCKED ON THE WAGON

I JUST - THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH

Though he'd trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.

Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. "The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she's said, "the trick is in getting back up"

inej is smart af

Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn't know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about, who searched for signs in things that he knew deep down meant nothing - when kaz chose him for a job, when Kaz played along with one of his jokes. He could have kicked himself. He's finally seen the infamous Kaz Brekker without a stich of clothing, and he'd been too worried about ending up on a pike to pay proper attention.

ok i got a couple of things to say about this part

first of all it makes me so sad that jes cares so much for someone who dosn't deserve him. because no hate to kaz but they would never work as a couple and kaz already treats him like shit most of the time

i think this part shows who a lot about who jesper really is. a boy that grew up having to hide parts of himself, who thinks he's worth nothing but it's smart and capable, who's loyal and brave and caring but doesn't even know it himself. he's someone who feels he doesn't deserve good things and thinks he's not good enough, and that's why he unds up in all the wrong places with the wrong people. he left uni bc he fell in with the gangs, because he didn't think he was smart enough or even prepared to be in studying in the university. jesper is constantly hiding behind a mask or running from things because he's scared of not being enough

an kaz is everything jes in a way wishes he could be. kaz is secure in himself (at least on the outside), he's stable, he's smart, he's "unshakeable". and most of all, he doesn't care about others (we know that's not true but that's how he presents himself)

and that's the thing that causes jesper all his problems. because he's insecure because he thinks he's not good enough for the poeple or things he cares about. and he's always trying to do what's best for his loved ones: he went to the ice court to pay his debt for his father, he follows kaz everywhere beacause he cares about him, he offered to read to wylan (knowing it wouldn't be easy for him to be still that long).

and yeah it often doesn't work out becuase he's messy and he has problems but he tries. and he hates that. he hates that he cares so much about people because at the end of the day, that's what makes him feel like he's not good enough

one more thing and i'm done i promise

unpopular opinion but i love that leigh made jesper have a crush on kaz. 1 beacuse it's refreshing to see someone not get otgether with his first crush. and 2 because i love that it shows that we sometimes get attached to people that are not good for us, but that we can learn to move on. jesper ended with wylan who respects him and values him, unlike kaz

ok i'm sorry that was probably all bs

oo one more thing, jesper definetly has rsd (rejection sensitive disphoria), which is something most poeple with adhd have

"My father used to take me everywhere with him"

this is so sad. bc they probably had a good relationship when he was little. and then they figured he coudln't read and now his father treats him like shit

it's even worse than if he haf been horrible from the beginning because wylan knows he can be a good father. and so he thinks it's his fault and he deserves to be treated like that. i hate van eck

"You're cuter when you're smart"

(...)

"Definitely cuter when you're smart"

wesper yesssss

i love them so much

ok but why do people think jesper is stupid. like the boy just made a bunch of criminals pass out by mixing some chemicals

and he was going to the university at like 15

AAAAND NOW THEY KNOW HE'S A FABRIKATOR

amazing plot twist

also:

Wylan coughed. Flirting with him might actually be more fun that annoying him, but it was a close call.

oooo come on jesper we all know you just love getitng him to blush

and you love him

who said that? definitely not me, nope

awwww jesper misses being around animals that's cute

imagine him coming home to wylan one day with a puppy because he just couldn't resist

cute

Better terrible truths than kind lies

just leaving here more of inej's wisdom

ok this may be a reach but jesper has adhd part ???

Yellow Protocol? Red Protocol? He couldn't remember which was which. (...)

"The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance."

Jesper pushed at his temples. "I don't remember what that means"

a bad working memory? sounds familiar

kaz loves puzzles

it's canon

"I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue."

this part where wylan and jesper see the banner made with grisha's kefta kills me every time

I would have worn purple, Jesper thought, if I'd joined the Second Army. (...) He'd beenwilling, even eager to risk capture and execution as a thief and hired gun. Why was it worse to think about being hunted as a Grisha?

this makes me want to cry so much

another thing super sad: the fact that since his father is Kaelish and had some supersititons towards grisha, jesper grew up wondering if his own father was scared of him. he had to hide his powers and he was almost taught to be afraid of them

"Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up"

WYLAN

NO

damn the boy needs therapy

it's amazing how nothing went like they planned

not a single thing

PEOPLE GET READY

ARE YOU READY?

NEITHER AM I BUT WHO CARES

"What do you like?"

"Music. Numbers. Equations. They are not like words. They...they don't get mixed up."

ok dude the clues are right there he's basically saying it

"If only you could talk to girls in equations."

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, "Just girls?"

Jesper restrained a grin. "No. Not just girls." It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.

wylan really said a straight man?? couldn't be me

this is the definition of bi panic "jesper restrained a grin" bitch we saw that

btw i love the slow burn

like they hint something here but they don't actually start liking each other until much later and they don't get together until almost the end of ck

i also love that the fact that they both like guys is like out in the open now. bc i'm not a fan of when queer characters have a crush and there's the whole thing of "are they queer too or not?"

like they both know htey are queer. but they don't get together right away bc they have to start liking each other before. they don't get together bc they are the only queer mlm characters

matthias fake betrayal killed me

i tought it was real

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept fom this oath.

this is just-

also foreshadowing?

YAYY KUWEI HI

There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.

She's laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

if i ever have a s/o and they don't tell me this at least once i don't want it

He needed to tell her... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himslef together into some smeblance of a man for her

THIS

THIS IS LOVE RIGHT THERE

they are the only straight couple that matters

everyone else go home

Wylan had scratches all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming. Inej grabbed his hands and sqeezed.

so cute omg

"You can explain why our illustrious Shu scientist looks like one of Wylan's school pals along the way"

KAZ

i mean it's true but you didn't have to say it

KAZ IS SMILING OMG

EVERYONE FREAK OUT WITH ME

HE'S "grinning like and idiot" STOP I LOVE HIM

"We are all someone's mosnter, Nina"

"I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all"

this part breaks my heart and i love it

"Stay," she oanted. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Stay till the end"

"And after," he said. "And always."

i just- helnik is perfect

AWWW JESPER MISSES WYLAN

my daily dosis of wesper :)

ok but in like 2 pages jesper tought of wylan like 10 times bc he's sad wy isn't with him

Jesper scanned the empty deck. He's assumed Wylan would come up to see them off. (...)

Jesper knew he was being selfish and stupid, but some petty part of him wondered if Wylan had deliberately kept away from him on the journey back. Maybe now that the job was complete and he was on his way to his share of the haul, Wylan was done slumming with criminals.

*charles boyle's insinuating voice* and why do you care so much???

btw YOU ARE WRONG. HE'S LITERALLY GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T SPEAK

this scene where we find out the truth about wylan hurts so much but it's one of my favourites idk why

I LOVE THAT EVERYONE IS AS MAD AS I AM ABOUT THE LETTERS NOW

"Your're a fool," Jesper snarled. "He smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."

YES TELL HIM

the fact that wylan just heard him say that omg

"Deserved" amended Van Eck. He blew the whislte twice.

SOMEONE BETTER GRAB ME BEFORE I KILL HIM MYSLEF

THAT IDIOT

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

I'M GONNA CRY CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM FOR ME

Jesper screamed in rage and raised his guns.

YES EXACLTY WHAT I MEANT

JUST KILL HIM RIGHT NOW

"I'm not big on bludding, am I Inej?"

"Not as a rule"

Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"

"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect, unaccented Kerch.

THIS WAS PERFECT

THE BEST WAY TO REVEAL THAT

(...), and Jesper flinched

baby he recognized wylan's voice

The Shu boy held out a hand. "Pay up, Kaz"

BITCH THIS IS AMAZING

THIS BOY MADE A BET WITH A CRIMINAL THAT HIS OWN FATHER WAS GOING TO TRY TO KILL HIM

AND HE WON THE BET

A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and - though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes - Wylan's surprising courage, too.

i love it when they compliment him

my boy deserves all the compliments ever

AND KAZ IS PROUD OF HIS SON WE ALL KNOW THIS

Wylan cuold draw a perfectt elevation. He's made a drill that could cut throu Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewellery. So what if he couldn't read

this is taking me to some real places

i may cry you've been warned

WYLAN DIDN'T CARE THAT HE MAY BE STUCKED LOOKING LIKE KUWEI

this is making me cry

"A fool would have been waiting to be smashed to bits on that ship. And as for "traitor", you've called me worse in the last few minutes alone."

EXACTLY

YOU TELL HIM WYLAN

Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.

BABY

i would've done the same tho she's pretty

amita is sooo pretty i'm gonna die when the show comes out

Jesper was staring at Wylan, his eyes roving over the black hair, the golden eyes. "Why?" he said at last. "Why would you do this?"

nothing to say here except: wesper

You... how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I tought it was Kuwei?"

"Every time."

i want to cry so bad

"Why does it matter?"

"I don't know!" Jesper said angrily. "Maybe I liked your stupid face."

a very staright and platonic thing to say of course

i know jes we all liked his stupid face

"Jesper made a mistake," said Wylan. "A stupid mistake, but he didn't set out to betray anyone."

YES WYLAN DEFEND YOUR BOYFRIEND

And maybe he'd kept him in the dark about Wyllan because he wanted to punish him a little

even kaz know they like each other come on

Jesper sat with elbows on knees, head in hands. Wylan deside him wearing th face of a stranger.

wylan give him a hug fro me please

he needs it

"Scheming face," murmured Jesper.

"Definitely," agreed Wylan.

i miss inej already

And I'm going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he´d promised her so long ago.

i'm ugly crying and so what?

and now we're done....

i want to read this book again omg this is unhealthy