#I feel like I'm intruding 🫣

[unicornpopcorn14]

Aaaah new 15 manga chapter! Wonder what kinda amazing stuff Hoshikawa-sensei whipped up for u-

😳- Uhhhhh

[noxtivagus]

good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3

[cherrygarden]

,

[dc418writes]

✨Pairing✨: mob!Ari Levinsonxblack!reader

Summary🪄: Things seem to be looking up again for you and Ari

🚨: 18+ NO MINORS!, Ari (as we all know), Ari admittedly being a bit of a creep (but reader is fine with it) mention of nudity, happy adult fun times (everyone please be safe!), violence (man to man), fluff mixed in throughout, language

A/N🎤: So uh..this was a long time in the making🫣 lol. Hopefully you guys like this newest addition!

*DISCLAIMER!: although visual made by me via Canva, I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP of pictures used as they were all found via Pinterest*

Part V

"Thanks. Have a good night," Ari politely tells the delivery guy after exchanging his tip for the Chinese already beginning to spread its savory scent throughout your apartment. Ever the protective caregiver, he insisted you eat even though you didn't have an appetite; especially at this time of night.

"I'll be fine. I usually get cereal or just make a big breakfast the next morning," you explained. It fell on deaf ears though as the suave businessman tapped on his phone ordering something for the both of you.

"You need something Y/N, even you said yourself you haven't had anything since lunch. I know you're hungry."

So as you showered trying to rid your skin of the day's work and the touch of the desperate intruder, he patiently waited on your couch. Listening to the running water pattering on the tub floor and for that eventual knock of your arrived food.

You shouldn't feel shy having given this man every part of you, but that doesn't stop your timid steps entering your small kitchen to see the muscles of his broad back and shoulders flex and move under his button up as he carefully takes out the two containers. One for your soup; the other his box of Lo Mein.

"Hey, just in time," he smiles over his shoulder feeling your presence.

"Thanks," you softly smile taking the plastic bowl from his hand. "Y-You really didn't have to."

"When are you gonna realize that everything I do for you is because I want to?," he smirks handing you a plastic spoon.

You wish he wasn't so nice to you. He shouldn't want anything to do with you right now let alone feed you. That's how any other man would be. Sat on your couch, knee occasionally brushing against his, you were slowly beginning to realize Ari wasn't like other men though. He was trying to show you that from the way he cared for you; wanting to give you everything you wanted, deserved, and more.

And finally, you were ready to surrender and let him.

"It's okay?," he asks wiping the corners of his mouth.

"Mhm," you nod gently smiling. "Yours?"

"Good. Wanna try?"

Leaning down slightly, you let him lift his chopsticks to your mouth placing a few noodles on your tongue. The sweet and spicy chili comfortably tingling your mouth and making you want more. "Mm, that is good!"

"I've never gotten it from this place, but it's just as good as the other one I get it from. Maybe better," he lightly chuckles before silence overtakes the both of you again.

Why was this so difficult? It was just two small words, it shouldn't feel this awkward.

"A-Ari?"

"Hm?"

"I'm...I'm sorry...about everything."

"It's in the past-"

"No, don't. I should've come to you earlier or-or said something that same day.."

"Y/N listen to me," he begins placing both of your respective containers on the table in front of you before turning to hold your hands in his larger ones. His deep blue eyes seemingly boring into your soul but in the most comforting way. "I appreciate your apology. Do I wish you would've come to me first? Yes, but I understand that things didn't look right, and you were just looking after yourself. Truthfully, all of this could've been avoided if I told you I was a father from day one."

He did have a point.

"I just didn't want to scare you off."

Scooting closer, you free your hand to caress his cheek. Inwardly smiling at the prickles of his soft beard against your skin again. Your fingers even drift to the strands flowing just at the base of his neck; equally as soft as you brush them behind his pierced ear. "You having a kid isn't gonna scare me away."

"I'm glad," he softly smiles kissing the inside of your sweet smelling wrist.

"Mind telling me about her?"

"Of course not." Settling into the cushions behind you both, your legs naturally find their way to his lap while his arm on your shoulders brings you closer into his side. "For starters, she's four with the attitude of a 40-year-old."

For hours you sat there happily listening to Ari tell you stories about his daughter and her already budding personality that would surely make his hair fall out by the time she was 20. It was cute really. Watching his soft smile as he scrolled through the images that went with said stories and those she simply insisted her grandma send on her behalf.

"Clearly she got everything from her mom," he stated with a light chuckle.

"I'm not disagreeing, but she seems like the type to not take no for an answer and go for what she wants no matter what. Reminds me of a certain someone in particular," you smirk gently scratching his chin and making him smile harder.

As he searched for one picture in particular, you couldn't help but smile, dreamily gazing at the side of his face. His features illuminated by the blue light of his screen.

There's a hint of pink rising to his cheeks to your kind eyes after feeling them on the side of his head. For the first time tonight he's noticed the time at the top of his phone which now reads 1:23 am.

"You're probably sick of my voice by now." He could be reading the phone book and you'd hang on to every word that passed by his lips. His soothing voice paired with his overall calming aura made him even more addicting to you.

"Never," you smile before a small yawn has you covering your mouth a little embarrassed.

"It's late. I should let you sleep." Carefully moving your legs, he stands throwing away your empty containers before collecting his jacket and keys. "You're not working tomorrow are you?"

"Well, I'm still on schedule," you respond slowly following him to your door. "I guess I should try to."

Sighing, his arms cross in front of his chest clearly not pleased by that answer. "It's your choice, but after tonight I think you should consider taking some time for yourself. Make sure you're really okay."

You knew he was right, and there was even a part of you that felt anxious about being in that building again. Walking down that sidewalk or any other one for that matter.

Twirling the hem of your oversized shirt in your fingers behind your back, you could feel your nerves getting the best of you the longer you stood there under Ari's gaze. You really didn't want him to leave, but he already stayed for so long.

Plus you were sure he had important meetings and other business to tend to tomorrow that you'd hate to jeopardize or come in the way of somehow.

"I-I'll think about it."

He gently nods. "Get some rest. I'll check on you tomorrow."

"Or..." you finally speak up making him halt opening your door any wider. "You could stay?...I-If you want that is."

"Is that what you want?," he asks closing the door behind him. If only you could see how your words lit up every cell in his body. How they set off a batch of butterflies he hadn't felt since Ariane's mother.

"Yea, but-"

"No, no buts. If you want me to stay, then I'll stay. Like I said, I'll give you any and everything you want but you have to use your words."

"I want you to stay with me. Please," you whisper.

Closing the space between you, his hand softly finds the side of your neck with thumb gliding back and forth along your cool jaw. You swear you feel your heart stop then restart faster than it was before as soon as he met your skin. His cologne making its way around you, wrapping your body in the most sensual hug.

"Alright."

"T-This doesn't mean we're having sex though." Your outburst paints him amused chuckling as you try not to cower to your room from further embarrassing yourself in front of this man.

You really needed to stop being so awkward.

"Not that I'm saying it's the only reason you're staying I mean!...A-At least I hope it's not?"

"It is not."

"I-I just read that being so focused on the sex part of making up, you don't truly get to the root of problems you know? Which makes sense-"

"Y/N whatever you want," he smiles trying to calm your rambling. "I'm your guest, I follow your rules ang-"

He stops himself before the rest of the word can leave, clearing his throat as if to collect himself.

You hate you told him to stop calling you that. You missed the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. To you, it was the strongest aphrodisiac around.

"Um if you need to shower you can use my soap, and there's an extra towel and washcloth. I should have another toothbrush somewhere too."

"Lead the way."

-

For the second time tonight, you find yourself nervous. You try to focus on the tv screen perfectly set on top of your dresser showing some nighttime talk show, but it's a difficult task with the man in your bathroom being the biggest distraction you've encountered. Having the bathroom door cracked, the backside of his bare body briefly comes into view as he dries his chest making your eyes immediately dart away and cheeks warm - your thighs clenching a bit as well.

You don't even know why you're nervous, it's not like you haven't spent the night together before.

There was something about the way he carried himself and his confidence though that always made you flustered when around him. Always feeling as if you were in the presence of one of the popular kids you were desperately trying to impress when you didn't need to.

A bit of leftover steam follows behind when he opens the door with his grey sweats hanging low (endless thanks to past Ari for leaving that pair in his trunk). The smell of soap drifting from his skin as he slides in bed beside you.

"You sure this is okay?," he asks. "I don't mind the couch."

"It's fine! U-Unless you'd rather..."

"If you're fine, then so am I," he smiles with hands slightly raised. "Just wanted to make sure."

"Okay," you nod. "Um you can turn the channel if you're not tired yet. O-Or you can turn it off, whichever you want."

"I might sit up for a bit. You go ahead and get some sleep, you had a long day." It's like a reaction how you hear the word 'sleep' and your body feels just how drained it actually is. A yawn even slipping past your lips again as you get comfortable making Ari smile to himself.

"Okay, goodnight," you whisper with eyes closed and glad to be in your bed.

"Goodnight Y/N."

There's something still eating at your brain though, making that deep sleep you need just out of reach. Opening your eyes, you watch Ari's chest slowly rise and fall as his eyes stay trained on the talk show host playing some game with his guest. Quietly chuckling along with the crowd as his hand brushes his hair out of his face.

"Ari?," you barely whisper nervously biting the corner of your lip. His eyes immediately find yours giving you all of his attention.

"...for some reason, I get the feeling that it wasn't a coincidence you were there. I mean, you haven't come to the restaurant in weeks but then show up tonight..."

Scratching the back of his neck he sighs, a bit apprehensive about how you'd react to his explanation.

"It wasn't...because I've uh, I've been checking in on you the past few days."

"You have?," you ask sitting up against the headboard.

"I saw you were working nights now when walking by to meet with a client one night. You were sweeping then to trying to close up. From that day, I walked by just on the other side of the street to make sure you got out okay. I-I would've said something, but I didn't want to freak you out or anything since we weren't really talking at the time."

Your silence is unsettling as your eyes never leave his, only making him even more worried he'd lost you once again. Possibly for good this time.

"I promise I wasn't stalking you or anything. I was just worried with it bein' so late and you by yourself-,"

He's unable to finish his sentence with your soft lips on his. Soon your body is following too, straddling his hips while his hands gently find the sides of your face keeping you attached as if he was afraid you'd disappear or let go. It wasn't until this moment he realizes just how much he missed your lips. How your skin felt under his touch.

A pinch to your hip has you gasping and leaving enough of an opening his minty tongue can explore yours making you softly moan, and feel as if you'd melt into a puddle at any moment. Hands on his chest, you're reluctant to pull away but your need for air is beginning to outweigh your need for Ari right now.

Neither of you completely separate though, as you catch your breaths. Short giggles and chuckles occasionally filling the air around you while your noses tap against each other and Ari sneaks light pecks against your skin. "Thank you...for looking out for me that is," you shyly smile.

"That's something you never have to thank me for." The deeper timbre of his voice against your lips has a shiver running over your body and a pulse coming from your core undoubtedly felt by him as well. Tracing one of the many tattoos forming the half sleeve that carried from his right bicep to his chest, his face nuzzles against your neck - with beard tickling against your berry scented skin - and mouth soon finds the spot he knows easily makes you purr.

And the fact that he remembered only has your body heating up even more.

"A-Ari?...One last thing?," you ask stopping his work along your jaw.

"Hm?"

"Can...can I be your angel again?" Oh, you'd be the death of him for sure.

The way your soft, midnight eyes met his filled with this nervousness like you were admitting you'd done something wrong, was a direct hit to his heart. Your curled lashes daintily hitting your cheeks with every blink making him internally groan.

He was really trying to be good and follow your rule, but the part of him filling with lust just wanted to ruin you right then and there.

"Who said you ever stopped?," he smirks shifting his hand on your cheek so his thumb could glide back and forth over your bottom lip. And when you daringly - yet slowly - part your lips giving careful kitten licks to the tip all the while maintaining eye contact, he feels himself swell and throb harder than it ever has before.

Leaning forward, this kiss is a bit rougher and needier than the one before. Feeling a twitch below you, your hips seem to develop a mind of their own starting to grind and buck in small movements. Ari's deep groan vibrates your fingers on his chest as he holds you impossibly closer messaging the little space between your thigh and lower abdomen with his thumb only making your want grow until you couldn't take it anymore.

Slightly parting again, you try to lift your shirt over your head only to be stopped by strong hands over your wrists.

"Wait," he sighs, trying to gain his breath as well. "I don't want you to breaking your rule.”

A small smile graces your partially swollen lips at how sweet he was respecting your boundaries, but it was only making that pulse worse as you felt more slick follow. "I appreciate that..but since I made the rule I'm also allowed to choose exceptions right?"

"True," he answers with a gentle nod letting go of your wrists to place his hands on your heated thighs. "If it's what you truly want angel."

Your shirt discarded to the floor, his eyes take in your body on display before him - so intimately and full of desire - as his lips curl into his signature, swooning smile making your cheeks heat along with the rest of your body. "W-What?", you nervously giggle.

He simply shakes his head gliding his hands along your thighs. "Do you realize how perfect you are?"

You can't help but shyly duck your head momentarily stunned hearing those words. You've never heard them from any man before, nor believed it for yourself no matter how long you tried those self-help books to increase your confidence. There were so many things you'd immediately change right now if you could.

As if knowing you were about to politely disagree, his lips are on yours. One of his hands smoothing up your back and pulling you closer to his chest, while the other shifts to your front groping and pinching until tiny moans are vibrating your throat. His mouth hungrily makes its way from your jaw to your bare chest causing you to slightly arch your back attempting to give him all the access he wanted. You can't help but place your hand over his - slightly begging for more and encouraging him - eagerly groping and plucking at whatever side wasn't occupied by his mouth. Louder mewls and moans crawl from your throat as your hips move faster needing something more to satisfy you.

"Ari..p-please," you whisper on the tail end of a moan, but he already knows easily rolling you both over with one hand pressing your hip to the bed while the other is just by your head.

"I know sweetheart, I know," he whispers - slightly panting himself trying to control his urge to immediately push his way into your dripping core and feel you tightly wrapped around him again - before kissing your pout away. "Be patient for me though okay?"

Nodding your head gets you another dizzying kiss as his free hand pulls his sweats down until he can kick them off. His member at full attention and red making you squirm and more slick flow needing him to fill you again.

You would usually have a problem with him pilfering through your nightstand as if it was his own, but your already hazy and lustful brain is only focused on the small, square foil between his lips. How he easily rips it open and rolls it up, giving himself a couple strokes after; making him grunt and his hips lightly rut forward.

The first time, you credited his probable years of experience to how he was able to know just where to go and the right amount of pressure or speed to apply to have you a moaning, babbling mess. But now, as you both moved scarily perfect together you thought otherwise.

The way your legs fit along the contours of his sides wrapping along his hips reminded you of an intricate puzzle piece as your bodies slapped and slid together adding to the already present vocals in the room. There was no fumbling or awkwardness as you easily met or punctuated each of his movements, and vice versa, as if you were finishing each other's sentence.

"A-Ari," you pant. Your nails raking down his back only spurring the rapid movement of his hips more as he moans against your neck. "I'm-"

"I know. Go ahead angel I'm here. I got you," he states against your ear knowing how the sound of his voice could push you to that shattering release only he'd been able to get you to.

This wasn't just experience at work. This...thing between you and Ari was something rare that took people years and countless tries to achieve that seemed to come naturally as if you were truly meant for each other.

And as he gave his final, deep rut - careful not to crush you with his entire weight when exhaustion finally took over - Ari certainly felt it too.

-

The tip of his index finger softly draws circles along the smooth skin of your thigh lying across his leg as he watches the sun rise outside your window. Shallow breaths from your nostrils fanning against the hairs of his chest making him smile down at your still sleeping form partially covered by your thin, pale green sheet. After four rounds, he should still be asleep too, but his internal clock just wouldn't let him rest for long.

That plus his excitement about having you in his arms again.

"You're so beautiful," he quietly speaks leaning down to kiss the top of your head. Meanwhile you lie unfazed as you continue sleeping. The comfortable silence is soon interrupted though with the dull thud of a bass vibrating the walls. Then he hears the loud laugh of someone in the hall clearly on the phone from not hearing another voice as he continued talking.

"Must be that neighbor you talked about," he thinks carefully getting out of bed trying not to wake you. You only groan as you roll deeper onto his side of the bed sinking your face further into his pillow.

Once his sweats are back on and he's quickly brushed his teeth, he's walking towards the front door and opening it to find Tate (or was it Nate?) with his door wide open as he drops a large trash bag outside the door. Clearly there was mostly bottles inside from the clinking as he walked with it.

The heavy metal coming from the speaker a step below blaring as Ari cracked your door behind him stepping further into the outdated hall with chipped paint and creaky floors. "Hey! 'Scuse me," Ari calls getting the man's attention just as he comes out with another bag.

He appeared to be in his 20s and like most of the spoiled frat boys that tried to huff and puff their way into Shiloh's club. Or anywhere really.

Short blonde hair, Ari could tell he mostly trained his upper body from the disproportion in his upper and lower half, while the tattoos that littered his arms looked as if a child did them.

"Yea?"

"Could you turn that down a bit? S'kinda loud and some of us are tryin to sleep."

"Oh, well in that case..no," he sarcastically smiles placing his bags of trash in the shoot right next to his door.

"Look, you don't have to cut it off alright? Just dial back the bass."

"And as I said earlier, no."

Ari was losing his patience with this kid.

"You see, I pay rent and live here just like everyone else, which means I have the right to do whatever and play my music however loud I want," he retorts taking a step closer and closer until he meets Ari in the hall trying to be the intimidating one even though the top of his head just barely reached Ari's chin. It nearly made Ari laugh in his face. "If you, that shy, sweet little snack of a girlfriend of yours, or anyone else has a problem then tough."

At the mention of you, Ari's hand was clutching his neck pinning him to the wall so he could really be at his eye level. Sputtering, the younger boy's hands try to grip and slap at Ari's to let him go as his legs flail about, but nothing seems to work.

"L-Let me go you psycho!"

"Mention my girl ever again, and your dismembered body goes down this fucking shoot like the trash you are." He can only gasp for breath still trying to loosen Ari's grip as he nods.

"Now be a good boy and turn down the music before I shove that speaker so far up your ass, the only language you'll be able to speak is static." Finally letting him go, he immediately falls to the floor coughing and trying to hurriedly wipe away the tears running down his face.

A simple smile quickly appears on Ari's face gazing down at your neighbor as if nothing happened. "Who the hell is this guy?," he thought holding onto his sore neck as he scurried back to his door.

"Thanks for understanding man, really means a lot," Ari winks returning to your door. "Oh! And let's not have this talk again, yea? The moment I hear you're bothering my girl, I don't think you'd like to see what's gonna happen."

Hurrying into his apartment and quickly locking the door, the music immediately stops and a chuckle not belonging to Ari breaks through the momentary silence. He was so focused on his target, he didn't notice the elderly lady step out her door wondering what was happening hearing arguing outside.

Shit.

Clearing his throat, a nervous hand passes through his hair as he offers her a small smile. "I-I'm sorry if I-"

"Why are you apologizing? 'Bout time that little shit got what he deserved," she states making Ari chuckle to himself.

"Well uh you have a good day," he politely waves walking back to your apartment unknowingly being checked out by the older woman.

"Mhm you too dear," she smiles tilting her thin, silver frames down on her nose as her eyes followed the muscles in his back and butt until they were no longer in sight.

"Ari?," you call from your bed. You quickly reach over to grab your shirt from the floor throwing it over your head just in case.

"I'm right here," he answers appearing in the doorway with that tilted smile you adored so much.

He knew it was impolite to stare, but how could he not with you sitting there radiant as the morning sun gently beaming on the waiting petals of wildflowers wanting to be warmed. Your curls beautifully disheveled atop your head just barely affected by your vigorous late night activities. He never let them know, but he could tell when the few women of his past would sneak out of bed to primp themselves. Lightly dusting foundation, blush, or whatever else they thought would help on their face before slipping back into his arms pretending as if they'd just woken up themselves.

You didn't need it though.

Not to say he didn't appreciate when you did have your face done up and lips painted that glossy brown or deep pinkish red he loved so much. It took every ounce of willpower not to take you in the nearest room and mess it up the night of his uncle's party. But that natural glow also had a hold on him he'd never be rid of.

Then again, that was probably just your doing all on your own.

"Hi."

"H-Hi," you shyly smile tucking a loose curl behind your ear trying to clear the hoarseness from your throat. "Quite a sight, huh?"

"Angel you have no idea." He smoothly strides over to you and your unmade bed holding himself up by his fists on the mattress as he leans forward to meet your lips. Your hand instinctively cupping the side of his neck while a cloud of haze joins - though still present in your mind from last night - as your lips move together similar to the intimate dance of your bodies just a few hours ago.

"Sei bella al mattino," he whispers against your lips leaving a minty tingle.

"Wha-? I don't know what that means.."

"I said you're beautiful in the morning," he softly smiles pecking your lips once more. He's like a prince from a fairytale, and you can't help but feel giddy letting him woo you speaking the sweetest words.

"Oh..um thank you. You're not bad yourself." Especially when he's in front of you as if sculpted by Michelangelo himself. His bare chest perfectly dusted with hair and sweats just low enough you could see that hair eventually disappear beneath the band teasing you.

"Thank you angel," he grins before noticing your furrowed brows as you gaze towards the wall. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just quiet for once," you smile slightly tilting your head in the direction of your usually noisy neighbor just to make sure your ears weren't lying to you. Sure enough, all you could hear was the cars as they passed with the occasional blow of their horn. Even the birds calling as they flew by. "Must be gone."

"Or maybe he finally had a change of heart?," Ari turns to sit on the edge of the bed.

If the idiot knew what's good for him, he'd already be looking up apartments across the country and halfway moved out.

"We can only dream," you sigh removing the sheets from across you to try to stand on somehow still tingly legs. It makes him bite his lip trying to keep his proud grin hidden watching you quickly try to recover from your slight stumble as if nothing happened.

"So, what's the plan for today?"

"Well I got a text from my boss earlier saying how I could take off for a while with everything that happened. Recommended it really until I'm okay."

"Good."

"And I usually volunteer at this kids center on weekends.”

A soft smile forms on his lips remembering one of your early morning talks at the restaurant. How your eyes brightened more than he'd ever seen when you spoke about your time at the center and the many interactions with various kids.

He's fairly sure that was the same day he fell for you.

"But with my car still being fixed-,"

"If you wanna go, I can always take you."

"No it's fine," you reply waving him off as you begin to open drawers and move about the room trying to find something to wear for the day. "Plus you have work, and I don't want to take your time."

His hand quickly reaches out grabbing yours to stop you from walking by. Slowly bringing you closer to stand between his legs, his warm palms find the back of your thighs as he peers up at you with cyan eyes and hair still perfectly framing his beautiful face.

"You wouldn't be taking it if I'm offering," he smirks running his thumbs along the soft skin just below your bare cheeks. "And I thought we settled this last night? Or was I not convincing enough?"

The deepened timbre of his voice paired with that soft yet intensely ardent gaze has your breath stuck in your throat. You desperately want to clinch your legs together in fear of your growing slick dripping on his fingers and down to the carpet but his grip has you stuck in place. As if that's what he wants to happen.

Surely he was able to see your heart's increased pace against your chest as you stood strongly considering pouncing on the man in front of you and staying in. "N-No, you were."

"Then you know what I'm gonna say next."

"Ask a-and whatever I want is mine," you timidly answer lightly biting the corner of your lip - and unbeknownst to you, making a slight tent form in his pants as a silent groan of want sits unreleased in his head.

"Good girl."

You'd never expect those two words to cause such a reaction out of you, but leave it to Ari and his sinfully smooth voice to leave you nearly feral.

Your entire body heats and a moan almost slips feeling too flustered for your own good. "I-I'm gonna go and um shower then," you nervously smile, begrudgingly leaving his grasp as he stands.

Just like last night, watching him nearly walk away has a surge of confidence - or maybe it was your now throbbing core - overtaking you, reaching to curl your finger in the pocket of his sweats and gently pulling him towards you. His brow slightly raises, but he easily follows waiting for whatever comes next.

"Come with me. Please?"

Without words, he grasps the back of your thighs easily lifting you so your legs wrap around his middle and your arms around his neck making you giggle as his lips desperately find yours.

“See? Not so hard now was it?,” he whispers against your lips before walking both of you into the bathroom.

-

Parking in front of the center, the eyes of those passing by are on the luxury car not usually seen in this area. And you can’t help but feel your cheeks heat at how those eyes would be on you once you leave said car.

“What time’s pickup?,” he asks. His hand gently squeezing your thigh bringing you out of your brief anxiousness.

“Oh um it’s okay. I can ride with Tyla o-or someone else. I don’t want you riding all around town-,”

“I’d drive across the country if you needed me to angel. Hell, if you just wanted to.” The look in his eyes tells you he’d do it with no hesitation. “Now, when you get ready let me know. Okay?”

You nod as his hand moves from your thigh to the back of your neck bringing your mouths together in one of those numbing kisses you were becoming addicted to. Already were if you were honest.

“I’ll see you later then,” you softly smile securing your backpack on your shoulders.

“Think about what you want for dinner,” Ari winks as you take that final step on the sidewalk. Your chest - and everywhere else - tingling and filled with a type of joy only those in romantic movies seemed to convey.

-

“This the building?”

“Yea.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes! I’ve been hanging around here long enough; that’s where he lives. Top floor penthouse.”

“Not surprised. Pretty boy’s always been used to the finer side of life.”

“So, when do we get him?”

“Soon, but we wait until timing’s right. Make sure Levinson doesn’t see it coming.”

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Hi 💕 Can I get an 18. with Jax? 🥹 Maybe like a friends to lovers kind of thing 🫣 Thank you so much ❤️ (and I'm sorry for not reading the rules the first time around 😬)

Hey, no worries! And yes you can!

Slight smut below the cut, minors DNI!

Your head shoots up off the pillow as a wave of panic rises within you at hearing a noise coming from the kitchen, flinging the covers back, about to reach for your baseball bat and prime yourself ready to face the intruder... until you remember. Jax is there.

"Sorry," he apologises as you pad into the kitchen, finding him placing the items he dropped from your cupboard back into their designated places. "I can't sleep, so I was looking for that knockout tea you're always telling me about. You got any?"

You shake your head, reaching to help him place the packets back upon the shelves. "I don't, I ran out."

He lets out a sigh, scratching his forehead with his thumb. "Well, I'm all out of ideas on how the fuck I'm meant to fall asleep."

You raise your eyebrow, your finger running along the waistband of his boxers. "Really? Because I'm not. If you can’t sleep, I could help with that?” 

His eyes widen a fraction. "Seriously, you and me?"

"Yeah," you state, feeling a flicker of regret for a second, until he reaches for your waist. "I mean, we're both young, free and single."

He snorts softly. "You're young. I'm a hundred and forty-two, or at least I feel it." His grin begins to grow as you giggle, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss upon your lips. "Come on then, darlin'. Take me to bed and fuck me into unconsciousness."

Half an hour later, and that's exactly what you're doing, making him come so hard that mere seconds after you climb from the most perfect cock you've ever had the pleasure of taking inside you, he's fast asleep.

Mission accomplished. And you got an orgasm out of it, too.

[coeluvr]

Don't mind me, I'm just imagining my MC writing letters to her family to help deal with the grief. She also ended up befriending a murder of crows in her melancholy, so she kinda wanders around as an omen of death. Anyway, how are you doing?

Scenario Questions:

How would the ROs react to finding MC hiding from people during a party and crying alone? (in the crush stage?)

How would the ROs (and others) react to finding a box containing letters to MC's dead family? How would they react to finding letters addressed to them? confession letter that was hidden away because mc is too afraid to say anything?

Also, how would Helios feel if he ran into MC one morning (they have a relatively positive acquaintanceship) and MC says, "Good morning, Sunshine!" without thinking-- then becoming a flustered mess.

Thank you for this story. I quite like it so far. I don't like to admit it, but a big factor of why I like this game is the angst. I want soft and healthy relationships, but that will take quite some time to reach if at all. Anyways, thank you again. Take care <3

Hi, anon!

This is kind of funny because I wanted to start chapter 2 with journal pages so the player could pick choices to describe how the last few years were, I think I'll do it for chapter 3 so... 🫣

I'm doing okay, hope you're doing well!

I'll do the first prompt then slowly do the others (I am very slow...) 💗

Also, I'm certain most people who like my IF live for angst because that's honestly the main tag of this story, happiness is nonexistent.

Fadiya

Fadiya had been searching for MC for a while, growing increasingly worried as the party continued without them. When she finally found them, her heart ached at the sight of their tear-streaked face. She knew how crushing it could be to feel alone in a room full of people. Fadiya approached MC with a softness in her eyes, her words carefully chosen to offer comfort without pushing too much. As she sat beside MC, Fadiya couldn't help but feel protective of them, as though they were a small bird that needed shelter from the storm.

For as long as you need me, I will be here.

Helios

Helios kept a respectful distance, not wanting to intrude on their space, he knew he couldn’t erase their pain but he hoped to offer some solace.

Leaning against a nearby pillar, Helios observed MC silently, his heart aching at the sight of their tears. His hand twitched, an instinct to reach out and offer comfort, yet he hesitated. His mind was conflicted, torn between his desire to be there for them and the boundaries that he had established.

But even as the dichotomy of his feelings warred within him, he couldn’t stop himself from crossing the line.

Let me be selfish just once.

Hunter

Hunter had been making their rounds around the party when they caught sight of MC, huddled in a corner and crying silently.

They knew that they couldn't fix everything, but they were determined to at least make them smile. As Hunter approached MC, their charming smile was in full force. They knew that laughter was the best medicine, and Hunter was more than willing to be the court jester if it meant bringing a smile to MC's face.

It wouldn't solve everything, but seeing the smile on MC's face was worth more to Hunter than anything else.

Let me take your mind off your troubles, even if it is just for a moment.

Soarine

Soarine had been scanning the party when she noticed MC's absence. Her heart sank when she found them, hiding away and crying.

Without hesitation, Soarine approached MC, she had always been good at comforting others, and with MC, it came naturally.

With a gentle smile, she began speaking, her words flowing easily from her lips despite how. She didn't have any magic words to make the pain go away, but she hoped that her words could offer some sort of comfort.

You are not alone, I'm here for you.

Vincent

Vincent had always been the type to let his actions speak louder than words, and this situation was no different. As he approached MC, he could feel his heart racing with worry for them.

Though he was terrible at comforting others with words, Vincent knew that sometimes the best comfort was just being there, a solid presence for someone to lean on.

He didn't say anything, didn't try to offer empty platitudes or meaningless comfort. He simply stood beside MC, a wall of unwavering support, offering his silent presence as a reminder that they were not alone.

You can rely on me.

[hayatoseyepatch]

*bursting into your asks as fast as I can* HELLO HI!!!!

Congratulations on your milestone 💫🫶 it's so so deserved!! Here's to many more milestones to come hehe

Could I perhaps ask for a match up for Windbreaker, Jujutsu Kaisen or Tokyo Revengers? (Whatever strikes your fancy I'm indecisive as heck)

My personality: I go by she/her pronouns and I'm so shy it almost hurts but once I know someone I'm the loudest yapper and never shut up. Generally I'd say I'm an introvert tho and prefer staying inside over going out (unless it's out into the forest - that's my fave place to be ever). I love to crochet and to bake next to chilling with my dog hehe

Tropes: I really enjoy the friends to lovers or love at first sight tropes. Cheesy, I know but I'm a hopeless romantic and endlessly devoted to my love

My type: I look for a partner that's loyal. That's probably my most important factor next to reliability. When it comes for looks I like my men either big and beefy or smol and sweet (especially if they're soggy and need some love. I got lots to give) and I like my women mean 🫣 that being said, I don't care for gender. Men, women and everything in between is perfectly fine as long as the connection is there

My faves: Wbk: Sakura, Choji & Kiryu , TR: Benkei, Yuzuha & Shinichiro , Jjk: Toji, Mahito & Shoko

Icks: I dont like cheaters or people who need to party every single day of their life bc im more chill and just not about that life. As for characters per se I'd say a nono is Endo (wbk) and Kisaki (tr)

I think that's it? Yeah I think so 🥹🥹 i'm terribly sorry if i forgot anything and please don't feel pressured to match me with anyone!!

Luma!! Ahh thank you so much for your kind words I’ll SOB AT YOU! I’m so happy we became moots you’re literally the most talented, sweetest, funniest person ever! (Okay enough of the sap onto the match up.) Like I said in my post we’re moots so you get two!!

First up is Kiryu Mitsuki from Wind Breaker!

⤜♡→ It doesn’t get better for a friends to lovers than Kiryu.

⤜♡→ The both of you much rather preferred the quiet to the loud bustling Bofurin gatherings. Often sticking to the back of the room, him scrolling mindlessly through his phone, one arm wrapped around you as you both shared a headphone to watch tiktoks together.

⤜♡→ He had initially approached you for the first time in the classroom where you both met. Seeing someone so beautiful sat all by herself was such a shame in his mind. He offered you that gentle smile as he asked if the spot next to you was taken. Kiryu couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over you constantly seeking you out in a crowd whenever you both were at Furin.

⤜♡→ You both had initially bonded over quiet teasing of Tsugeura in your quiet corner of the classroom, often exchanging text messages teasing the poor orange haired extrovert.

⤜♡→ Your friendship only developed from there it was a rare occasion for you both to not be seen without the other. So much so that the others we're fully under the impression you both were together long before you started dating.

Sakura's cheeks were always a constant shade of pink whenever in you and Kiryu's presence. Kiryu was very comfortable with physical touch his body always seeking out your won whenever you both were together. Whether it was his cheek resting atop your head, or his hand playing with your fingers, he loved feeling you against him.

Suo chuckles,, his signature mischievous grin dawning his features, loving nothing more than to tease his friends and hopefully push you both to confess. "Oh would you look at that." He grins leaning across the booth you were sat in, fingers intertwined delicately under his chin as he looked at you both. "It seems you both have set off Sakura's love detector yet again. "Come on Sakura, it's rude to intrude on a date, we'll be going now. See you both later.~" He sing songs, dragging a flustered Sakura away from you both, grin on his face.

Kiryu snorts into his mug, eyes turning to yours now that it was just the two of you left at the table. "So, angel, when are we gonna tell him he can stop trying to play his little game of matchmaker now that we've been dating for three months?" He snorts, leaning over to bump his nose with yours in a pseudo-kiss. His eyes light up at the grin you send back in his direction. Swearing he fell more in love with you as you returned his grin, leaning forward to give him a proper kiss, pulling away to smirk. "Let him figure it out on his own, let's see how long he keeps it going before he realizes."

--------------------------------------------------------

Next up Is Kakucho from Tokyo Revengers!

⤜♡→ Kakucho has been through the ringer. He has a kind heart and so much love to give and I think you are the perfect candidate for all of his love and affection!

⤜♡→ Kakucho is a hopeless romantic, prizing building his friendships before relationships. He can only truly picture himself being with someone he has built a deep connection with before entering a relationship.

⤜♡→ The orphanage where he was raised was outside of city limits, and after years of being in gangs, I think Kakucho appreciates the serenity of nature. So with your favorite place being the forest, he often will set up a nice picnic for you both to enjoy the scenery and each other’s company.

⤜♡→ Kakucho is also quiet and a bit shy at first, the both of you gravitating toward each other with being more reserved at first. But melting into a beautiful relationship filled with love and laughter once you both opened up.

⤜♡→ If you ever are having a bad day and need some cheering up, Kakucho is your guy! He worships the ground you walk on and could spend hours divulging in all the things he loves about you. He will stop at nothing until you see yourself the way that he sees you.

Kakucho hums gently, his nose buried in the crook of your neck, gently swaying you both as he watches you bake, relishing in your warmth. He blinks, pulled from his trance as you offer him a finger dipped in the batter from the brownies you were prepping, Taking your finger into his mouth, he hums in delight from the sweet chocolaty confection. He smiles softly when you look up at him with those eyes he falls more in love with each day. “So Cho how does it taste?” His hands settle on your waist, turning you in his embrace, head dipping down low to press his lips against your own.

His hand cups the back of your neck as he deepens the kiss, his tongue finding its way into your mouth. The warm wet muscles dances with your own for a while, before he separates, string of saliva still connecting your lips for a moment before it snaps. “I dunno, honey, you tell me how it tastes.” He grins, kissing you once more as he chuckles thinking you looked nothing short of adorable with your pink cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. “It was delicious baby, I can't wait to pack them up in our basket for our date later.” He smiles wrapping his arms around you once more. Kakucho had spent most of his young life without a place to call his own after he lost his parents. But right here and now as he held you in his arms, he knew he had found his home. And that was anywhere where he could be with you. (a/n: I hope this was okay I haven't written for TR in YEARS, but this was just screaming at me and I needed to write it.)

[anonfromtheflight]

Since it‘s not in your top four, what are your thoughts on the fish scene? That hug from behind is the most beautiful thing ever 🥰🥰🥰

NOOO I KNOW. It's definitely in my top scenes but I had sleep brain and forgot about it 🫣

BUT YESSSSSSS THE INTIMACY OF IT ALL! I LOVED the playful atmosphere between them through it all, like they're enjoying being together so much it almost feels like we're intruding in their moment.

A+ back hug! The way Simon literally lost his train of thought when Wille hugged him?? At that point I thought Wille had zero game lmao and then he got all flirty and I went "OHHHH". AND YES, I DO LOVE IT. I can't believe my brain betrayed me like this, but when in season 2 Marcus (ugh I hate him 🤬) asks for the fish names and Simon says "they don't have names"?

I was this gif:

I REALLY love all their scenes together, their love story feels so precious and the chemistry. THE CHEMISTRY!!! I think the complicity and understanding between Omar Rudberg and Edvin Ryding it's like 70% of what made the show so great for me. The other 30% it's flawless storytelling but I feel like Omar and Edvin could act together in whatever genre next time and I would buy it. They're THAT good!

I now realized I forgot to add their two main intimacy scenes too 🤦🏾 I loved how delicate and loving their intimacy scenes are which it's so rare in media with queer relationships! Almost always it's all about how "sexy" they can be and they're shown as if queer sex was dirty somehow? Idk if I can explain myself but I adored how the scenes between Simon and Wille were all about LOVE. Love and respect and ugh my feeeeels.

I also liked how they kiss eachother. Weird thing to notice I know lol BUT most of the time in movies and series with two male actors kissing, it's awkward and weird. Like you can feel that they're about to scream "no homo!" and wipe their mouths as soon as the director says cut 🙄 With Omar and Edvin I felt that they care about eachother and their characters and they are both so genuinely great actors, I was blown away!!

Oh gosh this is long, SORRY, I'm so new to talking about Young Royals I feel like once I start talking I can't stop!!

[spaceofentropy]

Brain Weasels! Assemble!

aka: @creepkinginc (hi, Nosho! 💙) tagged me in this thing that @thatoneao3author (hiiii!) concocted, and today the brain is braining the right way, so here we are! With a long long long thing. I made it Gallavich. Maybe if the brain keeps on braining right, tomorrow I'll do another version for another ship, who the heck knows! Not me!

So, the rules (more or less) are:

use this au generator to assign you an au, this fan fiction trope generator to give you a trope/situation/sometimes another au, feel free to keep clicking until you get something that inspires you.

then try to come up with the title, plot, vibe, and details of a fic including whatever the generators gave you. you don’t actually have to write it, just put the concept into the world! this is basically just a thought experiment.

The randomizing gods gave me a Hacker(s) AU and (after a couple of nope tropes, because I don't know shit about Regency, sorry, gods!) on New Year's Day soulmates switch bodies for 24 hours and have to try and figure out who the other person is so they can find them when the time is up.

Title: Words within the margin [I'm terrible at titles but make do with music 😎]

Plot: it's after the cut because it's long! 🫣

Mickey as our hacker. He doesn't think the whole soulmate thing will ever happen to him, so he is well beyond plastered when the New Year starts and the switch happens. He wakes up in a cabin somewhere in the fucking woods, not a car, let alone a road or even dirt path, near it. He's in the middle of fucking nowhere. Not happy about it. Oh, and this weirdo doesn't even have a cell phone or computer or anything like that in the cabin! And clearly he doesn't believe in mirrors. All that Mickey has are food, shelter, and books on psychology and mental illness. The best idea of this weirdo's face he gets from the lid of one of the pots in the kitchen: pale, redhead, greenish eyes maybe? Hard to tell from a lid. Great dick. And tall, holy fuck it's weird to be this tall, he keeps on bumping against stuff because he miscalculates spaces and distances.

Meanwhile, Ian does not wake up early and bright in the little cabin where he's taking a well deserved pause from the world and his job as a counsellor. Nope. It's well past midday and he's in a body that's super hangover, in an apartment that looks more like a computer repair shop than anything else. All the devices are password protected, even the couple of cell phones he finds. There are two wallets with two different sets of IDs for two different names. No paper mail or useful documents anywhere that he can find. The more he tries to pinpoint who this guy is from stuff in his house, the less he knows, aside from the fact he likes cheap beer, knives, and videogames.

Mickey spends most of his time in the cabin perusing the books, there are little notes here and there, the guy has a dorky sense of humor that makes him chuckle, but he also sprinkles here and there glimpses of bad experiences with doctors, with meds and treatments and healthcare providers that were not great.

Ian leaves the apartment to look for more clues about, at the very least, where this weirdo lives, but it's even worse, one of the neighbors catches him as he tries to steal someone's mail (it would have been such an easy way to get at least an address!) and he runs, not sure why but he just runs. Wanders an unknown town like many others, no idea where he is. Finds his way back to the building, he has a road name and a number, except there must be so many Washington Streets around... He spends hours looking at the weirdo's stuff, feeling like he's intruding just by being there, every moment less sure of wanting to know this guy. They are soulmates, apparently, but... he feels like he's stepping into a cheap spy story. Perfect stuff to further unbalance the already unsteady situation inside his brain. What if this guy is even crazier than him? There are so many weird thing, in his apartment and potentially his life... 

There's a phonecall to one of the phones, he answers hoping the person at the other end will say something useful, a name, a detail, something, but the girl only calls him fuckface and dickhead. A relative, judging by how, after a while, she gets worried when Ian doesn't answer the way she expected. He's debating whether to tell her that he's a visiting soulmate or not, when midnight strikes and he's thrown back into his body, in the cabin, with one of his books open in his hands and a note in a different handwriting than his in the corner.

Nice refuge you have here, Firecrotch. Bet I still can find you in a week or less. Hope you didn't make a mess at my place. Had no idea what to do with them, so take your meds, dude. M.

It takes Mickey 8 days to come knocking on the door to Ian's cabin, and only because he has to go to an office in person, they do all stuff on paper in Bumfuck County, Wherever It Is Ian's Cabin Is, damn neanderthals!

Less than twenty minutes after meeting him in person for the first time, Ian's doubt about Mickey are relegated to background noise. The universe might be right with this soulmates thing!

Yeah. I think that's it. That's what happens when the brain weasels latch onto an idea they like (and they LOVE soulmates) 🤷‍♀️

I'm supposed to tag people, but honestly I don't know if I have the bandwidth left for it. 🥲 If you read this and want to do it, you're welcome to! ❤️

[starboundanon]

I’m happy you’re enjoying my comments on Ao3. I always feel that I leave out so much that I’d like to say because your writing is deep and thoughtful, and I could go sentence by sentence. I’ve been having Miscellaneous Thoughts too (and mostly rhetorical questions), like:

Obi-Wan: Why did he decide to see Anakin after 17 years? Because Luke was nearly an adult (and wouldn’t be subject to Anakin’s influence) and was graduating and going to travel? This might be the only time father and son could get to know each other, and Obi-Wan still has a soft spot for Anakin. Along with the letters, did Obi-Wan bring photos of Luke?

Did Obi-Wan have any influence in getting Anakin released or was it all Palpatine? (Oh, please, I hope Palpatine’s visits weren’t conjugal ones 🫣) Did Anakin’s terms of parole include having a place to live and that’s why Obi-Wan invited him? Is Anakin required to get work? Is Palps paying him? And…and…okay, when Anakin is sexually aroused and left unsatisfied with Luke, does he…I mean…do he and Obi-Wan…is that what they do at night and when Luke’s at school??? LMAO, that’s not a serious question. Or maybe it is. :D

I won’t make this too long but here are little things I didn’t comment on in Chapter 1: Luke seeing that Anakin left his boots on and Obi-Wan didn’t scold him. (In another chapter, Anakin’s duffel took over Obi-Wan's favorite chair.) And, hmm, Obi coming out of the bathroom wiping his face (I’m sure there was nothing untoward about that, cough). Anakin’s reaction when Obi touched Luke’s shoulder (and Luke noticing) (twice). That Obi-Wan owns a floral-patterned comforter. Obi (like God) banishing himself and Luke to their rooms because the living area belongs to Anakin. Luke being excited and horrified about sneaking out (oh just wait, darlin’) but it wasn’t like they were doing anything ILLEGAL. When Luke and Anakin see each other for the first time, I was reminded of the first Godfather movie when Michael sees Apollonia and a man tells him they call it “struck by a thunderbolt”. Love at first sight. Or at least lust on Luke’s part.

I like to imagine the first time they have privacy and sleep together and wake up together. The first time that Luke initiates sex and touches Anakin’s enormous cock. Anakin would be over the moon. But THEN I thought - no, no, the best moment will be the first time Luke touches Anakin’s FACE. That would be the loving gesture that would melt Anakin into a puddle. 🫠

God, I love thinking about this pair. There’s a specific one-shot I’d like to write and maybe I will after your story is over (sob) because I don’t want to intrude on any scenes you’re planning. There needs to be more AniLuke and VaderLuke stories and I hope you write others. Maybe even occasional one-shots in this universe. 🫶🏼 🤞

SSB, you flatter me so much, I'm absolutely charmed. This is perhaps one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about my writing, and I am so incredibly honored that you feel this way!

For your first question, we will actually get into that during the fic itself, so I can't spoil too much. But you've basically hit the nail on the head, lol. I don't think Obi-Wan brought any photos of Luke, but I do think he made sure Anakin flipped through the family photo album at some point. And if he noticed a few photos missing afterwards, he didn't say anything. He figures he owes Anakin that much.

Anakin's terms of parole absolutely included having a place to live, hence the pullout couch. Obi-Wan most likely helped with the parole process (provided proof of residence, picking him up, exit interview, etc) but he didn't have anything to do with filing for the appeal that got Anakin out — that was all Palpatine. And since old Sheev went to all this trouble to get him released, I think he's fully expecting Anakin to come work for him again. Anakin doesn't have much choice honestly, but that's fine with him; he's still loyal to Palpatine, regardless of what may or may not have happened during those prison visits. ;)

Lmao, personally I don't think Anakin and Obi-Wan are indulging themselves behind Luke's back, despite how hot and bothered Anakin usually is after having playtime with his son. Anakin's still harboring a lot of resentment for his brother/father figure and I think he only has eyes for Luke, and despite how pent-up and blueballed he's gotta be at this point, he knows the pay-off will be more than worth it.

I looove all the little details you noticed in chapter 1, that just warms my heart. 😭♥ I'm very grateful that you would take the time to so carefully read (and reread!) something I wrote. It can take hours and hours to crank out these chapters, and only minutes to consume them, so it is so validating and flattering and heartwarming when someone like you takes the time to not only take in every sentence, every word, but go out of your way to comment on them. I so appreciate you!!

I can't wait to explore some of these softer moments you've described, especially the ones that are happening sooner rather than later 😈 And please please please, if you're feeling inspired to write, do not wait for me!! I would never feel intruded on, especially since I am tonguing the dry well of the vaderluke / analuke tag after every update, just hoping more people will start writing for this ship 😭

[ahxiang]

i have had to pause this scene 5 times already, i feel like i'm intruding, i shouldn't be watching this 🫣🫣

[loverdlx]

hiiiiii madison! so happy that u can witness your back in the eras tour movie on demand :) such an exciting thing to have happened for you!!!

i know you went to manyyyy eras tour shows, which were your fave surprise songs you had? are there any you wish you had? i would tell you mine but that would give it away... or would it?

hope youre having an amazing week! 🎄🎅

(buddy the elf voice) HI SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you had an amazing week and have an even amazing-er weekend!!!!!!!

and hehe tysm!!! some day i will shut up abt it....maybe....but for now i am so excited hehehehe. 🫶🏼 and yes i kinda collected eras shows like infinity stones for a second there 😅 and OHHH MAN IT'S SO HARD TO PICK MY FAV SURPRISE SONGS I GOT SCREAM they were all such good ones...

i think in terms of performance alone castles crumbling and exile blew me away the most like castles crumbling she was giving anime protagonist at the low point in their arc when they're all alone and need to go reunite with their friends to save the day and exile i was like...i feel like i am intruding on a therapy session 🫣 the coolest part was definitely the audience duetting with her during the bridge tho ahhhhh

but ofc every single performance of every single song was amazing 1300000/10 screaming crying throwing up etc. but in terms of just like which were my fav songs that i hoped to get as surprise songs and then DID, then i'd have to say rwylm and castles crumbling and dbtac and yoyok and new romantics and new year's day!!!!!! i was very spoiled 🥲🙏🏼

anyway that was a veryyyy long answer but yeah now i'm curious what songs you got 🤨🤨🤨 we need to do a like bitch pack eras tour census and keep record of who went to what show and got what songs bc idk i just think it'd be cool to have that data!

[thisghosts-obsessions-again]

I am absolutely happy we get to choose the backstory for why MC is single and is a serial dater! When I chose it was because Val had an unrequited love and Theo said her affections were very much requited I swoon. These two have grown so sweet and cheesy I'm feel like I'm intruding on them in the suite 🫣

[trans-advice]

Hi 🫣 I am a genderfluid afab enby (late bloomer, knew I might be fluid as a teen but was afraid to present non-feminine until later on) and I was told that means I am technically trans, is that correct?

I feel as though saying so makes me an intruder on trans spaces.. I mean, as a fluid person, I have no "final gender destination".... to "transition" over to... you know? And enbies have a separate flag as do genderfluid folks...

On the same note. I saw a trans tik tokker explain that their obsession with gender died out after they completed their transition. Being fluid.. does that mean I will always hyperfocus on my identity? (Am also neurodivergent and my gender identity is a hyperfixation currently).

Sorry about the long delay.

Yes, firstly transgender includes anybody with gender identities that were not assigned to them at birth. If your gender situation has the gender identity assigned to you at birth & gender identities that are incongruent with that assignment, then yes you can be both cis & trans (however, I suspect cissexists would say that's not pure cisgender enough to not be trans).

Secondly, nonbinary includes both gender fluid & gender solid people (I'm not sure if "solid" is the preferred term anymore, but whatever).

Thirdly, with the separate flags thing, you can actually use both flags, but the making a flag for every identity comes out of an era when the LGBT+ acronym had the rainbow flag, but the gays & lesbians kind of monopolized the discussions. So in order to avoid that monopolization, we make flags just for our things in addition to the umbrella flags.

Fourthly, there are 3 types of transition: medical, social, and legal. "Trans" is not short for "transitioning". That whole line of thinking is tied up in assimilation praxis. Currently, the governments in charge of keeping track of identity haven't figured out how to have ID cards in a way that recognizes not only genderfluidity, but say multiple names. In fact, this idea that identities are solid is not only tied into ID cards & surveillance, but also dismissal/violation of consent, normalizing hierarchies & transfer of power, etc.

Fifthly, a good piece of advice I heard for when you're questioning is to do the gender expression that you want to do first, and then figure out your identity. For example, once I had access to some dollar store makeup & a therapist, i was able to figure out that I'm a woman.

Sixthly, I find that as a no-op gender solid trans woman, that my thinking about my gender identity didn't stop after transitioning. I've been a feminist since I was 2, like studying gender & stuff is what gives me life. But what I do find is once I figured out my gender situation enough, and I was able to transition, that I didn't have to reinvent the wheel as much. I think of transitioning as gathering permission to live as I consent to be, but also organizing the stuff I use for my gender expression & not having to rebuild because of violence. Basically, I wasn't obsessing about what I needed to do or how to find safety. The point of transitioning is to improve your quality of life.

So to summarize, what I think you need is to figure out how you want to express yourself. Get a safe location(s)/space(s) where not only can you keep your items that will help you express yourself, but also a place to then get yourself ready & then use them. (This could be as simple as your room if you have housing & no hostile roommates.) I'm not sure whether the people around you will be unsafe or affirming. You'll have to figure that out too. When you're organizing your items for your gender expression of the various gender identities you go through, personally I carry around a purse (but when I had to pretend I was a boy I would use totebags or whatever) and in there I have some gender-affirming items for some of the gender identities you frequently are. So say some roll on deodorant of different scents, makeup, maybe a couple of articles of clothing that you can put on in a bathroom stall, maybe some jewelry, maybe some retractable eyeliner or lipstick to draw on your skin with. Remember, these need to make you feel good. If people validate your gender identity then that's a bonus,  but it shouldn't be your goal because people are not reliable for that. So work on making yourself the best feeling that you can & then go from there. If you still feel bad, then maybe do some other self-care practices.

Point being, you're mainly going to go for the social transitioning here. The composition of the social groups you interact with can obviously vary. I asked around & heard cis people often won't get your gender identity & therefore passing won't work. However, having even a few people who affirm you, along with other affirmative customs such as pronoun pins, people introducing themselves with their pronouns, etc, will make a big difference. If you're at least able to screen out haters then that's still good!

I don't know your specific gender identities, how frequently you identify with specific ones, your body, and what you consent to, so I'm not going to give medical transition & body modification recommendations. I will also say that in addition to pre-op & post-op, there's also no-op. If people are saying you have to have surgery & it's not for a specific legal thing, then they're not being inclusive. You are still valid. Your body, your choice.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve