#I feel like I'm dying
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in the hospital. rpf is still waiting 馃槪
#i feel like i'm dying#f1#formula 1#lance stroll#fernando alonso#aston martin#ls18#strollonso#fa14#first kiss au#tw hospital
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Me: *nearly halfway done with fic for Sephesis Week*
Me: *VIOLENTLY ILL JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS*
The duality of blorbos and the sacrifices we make for them 鉂わ笍
#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy 7#sephgen#sephesis#genseph#I feel like I'm DYinG#(don't worry I'm okay lolol)#writing#updates
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No one told me that one of the side effects of having a NSFW account was being horny 24/7. 馃槄馃槄
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Happy DMC5 day. My apologies for not being present for it. I'm not feeling well and I'll be going back to resting after posting this.
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yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee
#though I HAVE successfully testing that ldn gives me an insane amount of (anxious) energy when i'm on a 3-4mg dose but then i get foggy and#empty at 4-5mg i think#i'm not sure if i should go down to like 2 or try to find the window between#i wish i just had like. a year to get meds right and heallllll so badly#but i can't afford going all the way down and having more relapses#i feel like i'm having aheart attack rn it's so bad it's so acutely painful#and it's so weird bc it's so empty#too like last month i was so full of everything and especially uh attachment fear but now it's just like pain empty screaming pain#i think it's the not eating food enough thing#i mean I DID eat MANY crackers today. rolls eyes#not enough hhh#i know theres so much i have to get done but like ic annot do anything i can't even message anyone i can't i need to get sedated#i don't know if i should try having MORE ldn or ritalin (probably not bc it doesn't sedate me like adderall)#or just hydroxyzine or muscle relaxers#hydroxyzine is looking like the most likely option#bc i still associate muscle relaxers too much with trauma i can't take them they scare me#i feel like i'm dying#i don't think you guys get how fast i'm typing rn like i am going fucking insane if i die of a heart attack for real it would suck huh#no i KNOW this is panic i KNOWWWW i'm panicking but i also feel like i'm going to throw up and die forever it's so bad i feel so so bad lik#i don't think people get how bad everything is i need it to all calm down and stop i need it to get better i am not okay holy shit#you know what everything in my life might not feel fixable and i am letting all my professors down but I can probably take incompletes wors#comes to worst i need to take hydroxzyine sleep and then cave and buy some food tomorrow#like what's happening now i#there FEELS like there's a SHAARP HOOOK in my CHEST IMAPLING ME#if i sedate myself enough i might be able to communicate with people for real instead of burrowing my head into the ground forever and ever#yeah okay i'm taking hydroxzyine#i feel like the problem with antihistamines now after last year is [redcated]#trying to convinc emyself this is not a suicide attempt or self harm i just need to calm down hahahahafih;aeifahe;wifahewifae#that's what they're PRESCRIBED for#i think i want benadryl instead though bc it's shorter and it also makes me head clearer i wonder if i have any i think it's not here thoug
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#btw I have a major cold and feel like shit and can't breathe out of my nose#if I shovel then I also risk a heart attack#forgot to mention I don't have my winter coat and my snow boots are in my car and the only shoes I have inside are my crocs#oh and it's still supposed to snow until 6 pm today and we're expected to get another 6-10 inches#I feel like I'm dying#poll#personal
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I really don't want any new people in my life or to go through the horrific process of finding a friend to vibe with irl, but I'm so lonely and my long distance partners just aren't the right kind of company I need. Why can't one of my moots be close by????? 馃槶
#I'm just sitting here at my computer crying because I want to lay my head on someone's chest#it's been 6 months since I've done that#the longest i've ever gone without cuddles and affection in my entire life#i feel like I'm dying#tier rambles
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So bascially... I know I haven't posted for like a million years but I'm finally back. Sleep has been hitting me every day that I have slept for three days straight, my body hurts and feels numb at the point, my medicine is making me feel fucked up, I have already went to the mental hospital with my Rob plush (again), and to top it off, my room is a damn mess.
But I went back home a few days ago, I'm started to feel.. a tiny.. tiny.. TINY bit better. So, I'm okay.. for now. (Credits to the owner who made this, this is just a drawing on how I am feeling)
Oh, and here's a sketch I made like, a month ago or so (I made emo Rob ^^)
Oh, the person who's holding a rob plush in their hands is me. Just a doodle out of emotion.
#my art#tawog rob#My body hurts#i'm back#i'm very tired#i feel like i'm dying#my head is killing me#rob the amazing world of gumball#Ugh...#The fact that I only sleep good with my TV playing music#I just drank some wine a while ago and I feel like I fell off my stairs#Help#I'm seeing things#I haven't eaten for days#My medicine makes me sleep for days#Hi
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I hate being sick
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.
#last night i learned that my partner of 5 years apparently cannot deal with me being non-binary after all#my world is shattered i don't know what to do#i was in the closet when we started dating but I came out to him years ago and all this time i was under the impression that it was fine#and that he loved me for who i am#every part of me#but apparently he can't#i feel like I'm dying#one of my worst nightmares has come true#and all these last few years of pain and sorrow. i feel like i fought through them for nothing#he was the only thing that kept me going and now there's nothing#and i finally know that i truly am unlovable#i just want to fall asleep and never wake up again
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I could withstand waterboarding what you really gotta do is make me pack for a 2 week trip over and over again and then I will crack
#actually my weakness#i feel like I'm dying#help me#this is my third week in a row packing a bag for a trip#and it's NOT easier#in fact it's harder WHERE ARE ALL MY CLOTHES
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tgaf (Thog give a fuck)
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Why do periods have to be so painful
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I just got diagnosed with Covid an hour ago. I have spent that hour sitting in the Walgreens Pharmacy waiting for my prescription. I am tired, and sweaty, my throat hurts, I have almond milk getting warm in my car (at least I forgot to get my Popsicles). I just want to go home, take my nedicine, and go to sleep. (Also, I'm waiting for my boss to call me back, and my phone is at 23%. So, that's fun.)
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sitting here at 5am shakily scooping spagettios into my mouth and drinking dr pepper as I try to read about Cartesian dualism and the interdisciplinary post-structuralist and processual multisensorial embodied socio-anthropological phenomenological approach to [EXPLODES]
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bad headache and I feel nauseous who's ready for class鈦夛笍鈦夛笍鈦夛笍
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