#I feel like I should definitely remember more

[evie-sturns]

first date - Matt Sturniolo

summary: after a perfect first date with matt, the last thing you expected is for him to make such a big move after he drives you home, you definitely aren't complaining after though,

contains: fluff, an intense makeout session, shy!matt (to an extent) swearing.

------------------------------------------------------------

tonight had just been perfect,

i met matt at a party last week, and i couldn’t say no to his somewhat amusingly awkward self as he asked for my number.

he was just my type, his loose brown waves draped over his forehead, his earrings catching the light from the party and sparkling, and his shy demeanour.

he messaged me a day ago, asking if i wanted to go out for dinner with him, which i obviously agreed to.

10:21pm

i shivered in the cool air of the night, smiling up at matt as he ordered you both an ice-cream cone,

“you cold?” matt asks softly, i nod as i sink my top teeth into my bottom lip as a weak attempt to stop the chattering of my teeth.

“a little bit,” i laugh,

matt instantly takes off his jacket and drapes it over my shoulders,

“why didn’t you bring a coat? it’s like the middle of december.” he scoffs, nudging my elbow slightly.

“shuuush, i didn’t know you’d take me out for icecream at like- midnight!” i throw my hands up defensively,

“righhttt.” he grins down at me.

-

the night was coming to a close as you jumped into the passenger seat of matt’s car, clutching an icecream cone in your hand as you fiddled with the seatbelt.

“you okay?” he asks, starting up the car.

“yeah- i’m still cold though.” i roll my eyes playfully, matt instantly reaches out and fiddles with the heating, cranking it up.

“wait what the fuck- since when did i have the option to have heated seats!” he exclaims, his jaw slack as he pushes the button.

“ew matt! my butts warm now.” i groan, instantly turning off the button.

matt laughs loudly as he pulls out of the parking lot, staring the drive home.

i look over at him a couple times, his ringed fingers gripping the steering wheel catching my eye.

i’m definitely staring now.

his hands were perfect, he was perfect. i genuinely did not catch one wrong thing about him from the date.

he was shy, but the right amount of shy, i could tell he was starting to get more comfortable around me, which i liked.

matt pulls onto the highway, the car roaring as he accelerates.

i continue to work at my icecream cone, trying to stop the massive staring problem i’ve picked up.

matt’s playlist plays through the car, his knee bobbing up and down as he listens to it.

“you live down here right?” matt asks, pulling off the highway into a small neighbourhood.

“you remembered!” i grin,

“of course i did.” he speaks back, his tone light hearted.

“i’m just down here.” i say, pointing to a street sign.

he pulls into the street, his car slowing down as he scans the row of houses.

he parks the car in front of my house. swallowing lightly as he turns off the car.

“thank you- so much for tonight matt.” i say, my tongue darting out to lick my lips,

“yeah- yeah no problem..” he whispers,

“we should do it again soon.” i speak, matt nods.

“i’ll text you, okay?” he says, a nervous smile on his face.

“okay- yeah.” i grin, a undeniable tension building in the car…

i grab my purse and reach for the door, but matt clears his throat.

i look over my shoulder at him, he looks nervous as shit.

he reaches up and cups my jaw, the cold metal of his rings pressing against my flushed cheek.

he leans over the centre console and presses a kiss to my lips.

he pulls away pretty quickly, knowing this is the first date and we shouldn’t do any more… right?

but for some reason, the feeling of his lips on mine linger.

i stare at his lips, not moving.

i need more.

i know i’m going to have to initiate something, knowing he’s to shy to make a lot of moves.

“can- can we do that again?” i speak, my voice hoarse as i break the silence.

he nods instantly, his hands clenching by his sides.

i lean back over the centre console, grabbing his chin as i press my lips to his again.

my face heats up instantly, pure ecstasy flooding through my body.

he deepens the kiss, his head tilting to the side as our noses brush.

goosebumps cover my arms as his tongue slides over my lip, practically begging for entry.

i don’t know what comes over me, but in a matter of seconds i’m climbing over the seats,

i sit down on matt’s lap, straddling him as i break the kiss.

he stares up at me, his eyes wide and full of need.

he grabs the back of my head, instantly reconnecting our lips.

“fuck..” he whimpers against my lips,

i feel a familiar heat growing between my thighs, my skirt riding up my legs as i practically devour him with my lips.

he just tastes so, so good.

his hands paw at my waist, grabbing the fabric of my thin shirt as he holds me.

i subconsciously rock my hips against his thigh.

he gasps against my lips as i grind against his clothed thigh.

“oh my god..” i whisper against his lips as i pathetically rub myself against his leg.

i feel myself getting too into it, not wanting to rush him on the first date.

i break the kiss, the windows now foggy.

he looks up at me with pure desperation.

god he looks hot.

his lips are smeared with my red lipstick, the pigment messily coating his chin. his eyes are narrow and hungry, and his hands are gripping my waist, tight.

i reach up and wipe his lips, trying to remove the lipstick stains.

“i’ll- i’ll uh- okay- um-“ matt stammers,

“i’ll- i’ll text you.” he croaks out, his hands sinking into my waist.

“okay- okay.” i breathe,

i quickly crawl back over the centre console and grab my purse.

i look back at matt over my shoulder, his lips are puffy and red.

his hair is dishevelled, and as my eyes travel down his body.

he is most definitely hard.

i grin at him before swinging open the car door,

“b-bye- bye!” he calls out shakily,

“bye matt-!” i smile as i step out onto the footpath, shutting the car door behind me.

i jog up to my house, my heels clicking on the driveway.

i swing open my front door and suck in a well needed deep breath.

i walk over to my couch, and before i even have the time to sit down my phone vibrates frantically in my pocket.

5 new messages from - Matt

my eyes scan over the messages, which read.

“come back to the car”

“i seriously need you right now this isn’t funny”

“please”

“i’m still parked outside please”

“i’ll literally do anything.”

and before i know it, i’m rushing for my front door and running down the driveway towards matt’s car.

——-

@sturnsdoll @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnnn @sturnioloxlver @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s @ilovemymannnnnnn n @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow w @mattfangirl girl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle e @h3arts4harry @jamiesturniolo o @chrisstopherfilmed @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees @certifiednatelover er @solarsturniolo larsturniolo lo @mattsenthusiast t @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette e @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise @sturni0l0tripletzz @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @mattsonlybitch @justalittle47 @sunsetsturniolos @sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101saroona a @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21 1 @imwetforyourmom @tylerstacobell @sunsetsturniolos @aliceloveschris @jayz4dayz 4 @sassysturniolo2008 @nyktoxs-lover r @nathandoesgf @starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 @sturnthepot @zayyluvz @realuvrrr @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs @riowritesitall john @raysmayhem-72

[cybergothvox]

Thats excellent to know, thank you for sharing your experiences! And I definitely agree with you.

Its honestly really upsetting how people try to rewrite history like that, as someone else also around at the early stages before kff were a big deal I definitely saw a ton of real kin use these things but I just said idk maybe kff invented it bc it seems impossible to know for sure who used it first but for one it doesnt really matter since real kin do use it, and two tbh real kin using it first honestly makes more sense.

The biggest thing is real kin use it and often are harassed by their own community for it and it can male the community really unwelcoming both for new members who dont know the discourse and for older ones who remember the terms being fine. And I feel like people should care more about preventing harassment and being a welcoming community than if someone 'looks fake'

'I kin x' is less clunky linguistically and we need to stop assuming people are kff just because they use kin as a verb. Its a very natural way to say it and I struggle to phrase it in other ways. In general people need to stop assuming that red flags for kff (such as kin as a verb, and ranking how much they feel their kintypes, saying kinnie) and assuming they definitely are kff. Languages and practices started by kff have been picked up by genuine otherkin especially younger ones who come into the community and dont know how to tell otherkin from kff. They still identify as their kintypes even if they copy kff practices.

People dont come into the community with a community history degree.

[txttletale]

hey! a few months ago you (? i hope it was you) mentioned an album by an artist/band that had created an album with ai as like a tool. i remember being interested in it but a little busy and forgot to save the name… any chance you can point me towards that album? thank you so much, it’s ok if not tho ❤️

raw data feel by everything everything! they used a neural net (not a large language model, much more narrowly trained) to write some lyrics and title the song "software greatman", as well as iirc algorithmically generating some chord progressions. it's a really great album you should definitely check it out

[luckyartdrawer]

(Bitter) Sweet! Art & Drabble

For @divinit3a Café Lunch Rush prompt list! There's still plenty of time before the first prompt is due (Jan 12th), and there's 2 other prompts as well for the month! Definitely check it out lovelies! <3

Drabble name: Instability Of The Heart Contents: Sun x reader, Heavy Pinning, Bitter Sweetness Chosen Words: Clouds, Opals, Celebration, Star-crossed, Letting Go, Hope, Candle Word Count: 1,625

(Close Ups are also at the bottom <3)

It’s been a whole year…

Unsure how to approach the festivities now, Sun decided to find a quiet spot instead, spending all morning setting things up to participate in his own way. He couldn't not join in, but it just wouldn't be right to go back into the thick of it either.

The not-too-far-off town square, only a mile below his expanse of cloud, is alive in the lieu of celebration. The live orchestra plays the same casual songs, their passion dying the expanse of clouds they rest upon pink with their infectious energy, and the music drifts up clear as day to his ears despite the distance. The community brightens at each strum of a chord, chatter so lively that they create lyrics to their own song. They all are so alight that even once the sun sets, not even a single candle will be necessary to keep the festival bathed in a warm glow.

Sun sighed as he looked towards his namesake, feeling both relief and dread seeing it only moved a little since he last checked, located slightly past the center of the sky above him. Any moment now the square should clear its center and engage in its Hearthwarming Dance.

A spark crackles in his chest, sending longing pangs to his heart and head. It swirls through the burning magma and dips through every ligament, the tips of his fingers and toes buzzing with the itch to do something.

He turns to his partner, waiting for the first note of the new song to swell before grabbing their soft hand and whispering,

“May I have this dance?”

Without his usual banter, Sun embraces them and sways to the familiar beat without hesitation.

Upon closing his eyes, he is suddenly not dancing on a patchy field of clouds, but rather upon a lively opal plaza shimmering in the warm sunlight; the polished stone reflecting all those lovely pink clouds to create a mosaic, speckled with a rainbow of beautiful color.

Yet, the way you shined changed everything. It had completely ruined his view of beauty.

Your smile glistened through the sheer cloud of stardust that orbits around your form. Your eyes were as hypnotic as the ring of light you absorb, blindingly white before turning into a pitch black that's impossible for him to comprehend. He could barely even remember what you wore that day, too busy memorizing your face.

You were a star that had gone supernova, a rarity unseen for the last 3 centuries, let alone for a star of your kind.

Even the thought of your imagery causes him to inhale sharply. He clutches at his partner tightly, mindless of the give as he steps around in a traditional dance.

You were so scared when the change happened all those months ago...

Sun had found you holed up in your dark room, begging him to not look at you. He had initially come over to barge down your door for being an hour late to meet him, only to find your home was unlocked. It wasn't too unusual, so he welcomed himself inside, used to doing so after years of friendship.

His bitterness over how you kept him waiting for so long evaporated at finding your tearful state, almost unrecognizable if it weren't for your usual wear and voice.

He's still ashamed to say that he was enraptured by you despite the state you were in.

You were a glimmering dwarf star before, enchanting enough as is, and yet somehow you turned into something even more bewitching, compounding his years of desire into something even stronger. It felt right. Not to see you sad, but to see you in that form. Everything about it felt like you. The pull was indescribable in every step he took, the very essence of you invading his senses.

As soon as he recounts reassuring you, drying your tears, and pulling you into a hug; he snaps back to having you in his arms in the light of day, grasping his right hand and prancing with ease across the square, expertly avoiding other participants.

The magnetic pull is intense, the need to somehow get closer and closer was nearly impossible to ignore. He wanted to run away from such a force, yet he only clutched your hand tighter as he spun you, pulling your back into his chest and locking you there for a beat too long.

He was so afraid that you could read his every move, regardless of knowing your sheer obliviousness to his desires.

You always playfully indulged his yearly insistence of being your dance partner, yet nothing had come of it from either side. But this time, his gaze was constantly locked with yours, unable to break contact. His possessive grip had ensnared you, barely leaving even an inch between you. He couldn't help but pause, disregarding the mass of bodies moving around him, wanting to hold you forever.

How could it not be obvious?

Regardless, he knew it was inevitable he'd spill out his soul to you soon, barely able to restrain his lips from colliding into yours at that very moment.

He hoped, he prayed, he begged like a mantra to the celestial mother that you'd feel the same. That this magnetism isn't so one sided. That restraint would one day be unnecessary and he'd finally be able to drink in the flavor of your kiss.

Only mere seconds had passed when he released you from his hold, continuing the dance as if nothing happened. Perhaps to you, nothing did happen.

Would that explain what had happened?

He spent that whole day with you, following you to vendors with traditional carbon foods and indulging in your proximity as you'd graze hands and bump shoulders on occasion, finally left comfortably alone as the town's people were accustomed to your new appearance by then.

He was more than happy to scoop you up the moment you said you were getting tired and overwhelmed. You insisted that you didn't want the fun to end, but he could tell by the sound of your voice that you at least needed a change of pace.

The sun was setting when he leapt up stray puffs of clouds to the field above the plaza. He pranced in circles, leaping gaps to the dying beats of music, and teasing about dropping you through them when you didn't believe he could cross. Your rivers of laughter only fueled his audacity, as he never wanted to hear them end. Inevitably, his foot barely slipped off the edge of one of his more daring jumps, causing the two of you to fall forward and collide with the cloud beneath you.

Despite the grunt the two of you made at the impact, you were quick to laugh at Sun’s failure, teasing him about his cockiness biting him in the behind.

But Sun couldn't ignore the press of his body on top of yours, the echoing melody of your voice ensnaring his throat, refusing to allow him to even draw breath, let alone words. His mind fogged over, the only reprieve to his pinning troubles all pointed towards you, and he desperately needed that relief.

Your lips were more delicious than he could have ever dreamed of, your endearing expression was wide eyed and glowing.

Glowing so much that he actually had to close his eyes for a moment to recuperate, despite how much he wanted to savor your appearance.

And then with a fluttering blink, he's back in the present, kneeling down in the same position over some sad facimally of you. The cloud he molded this morning was mangled already from his delusions, but due to his fall it had melded into the cloud below it, its pink color feeling more taunting than sweet.

Sun looked down at his hand to find a tiny piece of said cloud still in it, a tear welling up in his eye.

It was too fitting.

In that original moment, it was as if you dissolved right in his arms after that kiss, but he refuses to believe anything bad happened. He searched your home, your favorite places, and even contacted your friends and family. No one knew where you were.

Some believed you to be dead after he finally admitted what happened between the two of you.

He vehemently denied that possibility, despite the plausibility. You were barely older than he was, still spry with centuries of life ahead of you. You couldn't just die from a kiss…

The only spark of hope he was given was when he questioned one of the elder Neutron stars, one of whom recalled personally knowing a singular supernova; one who had been taken suddenly to a world beyond the sky to contain their unstable make up. They had returned only once to explain their departure, before saying goodbye for their next one shortly after.

Sun brought the small puff of cloud to his lips – it should have been your hand.

He couldn't repress the tear that escaped him.

It's been a year since your disappearance. He still hasn't given up on his star-crossed lover, if he may even call you that. Your sudden departure left him wanting, stagnant, unsure of so many things.

If you reciprocated, wouldn't you have come back to him by now..?

Overtime, many have caught onto his depressed demeanor and advised him that it's best to learn to let go.

Preaching that waiting is fruitless.

Denouncing the Neutron’s tall tale of some magical plain snatching you away.

Scolding Sun for ruining his life over some runaway star.

However, he cannot help it; you own all the hope he has left. As he is unfortunately, completely, woefully in love with you.

Close Ups!

[lilithyvenus]

acknowledging your mother wound and how to heal it - pick a card reading

hello there. i thought this would be a great introduction to my reading style, especially fitting as it's a monday. it's painful to accept that your mother was your first enemy. although the idea of a mother as we've been taught and shown onscreen (both big and small) is worth examining in itself (being self-sacrificial in vain, being one dimensional, etc), one should still be able to count on their mother to nurture their emotions. i hope you can find wholeness, with or without her.

for today's pile selection, we have marina as the housewife archetype from her electra heart era. extremely fitting with the album and the persona being an exploration of wounded versions of different feminine archetypes.

group one

your cards: strength in reverse + seven of cups in reverse + six of wands + judgment

your mother has instilled in you a fear of being seen, particularly in regards to achieving public-facing dreams. whether she was conscious of it or not, she has taught you to expect negative criticism and to be mistrustful of your own skill and capability. for those of you who are fat, she probably didn't even realise that her trying to make you smaller as a way to secure you better treatment in the world just reinforced that it's your body that makes you unworthy of adoration. you exist to be seen and valued for what you have to offer. this is not to say you won't be envied or spoken badly of, but that it is in the figurative cards for you to thrive, but only if you take the plunge. you work towards healing this wound by understanding that she was projecting onto you, clumsily attempting to save you from scrutiny, and most likely butter about her own dreams remaining unfulfilled. it is not my place to tell you to forgive her, only to understand that you have access to media that tells you you can be more, and she likely didn't at your age.

your channeled songs + films + books

- the beauty myth by naomi wolf

- i'm coming out by diana ross

- wicked (both the book and the musical; the former to explore how one is taught to loathe themselves and the latter to remember you can liberate yourself)

group two

your cards: eight of wands + knight of pentacles + queen of wands in reverse + seven of cups

similar to group one, your mother actively discourages you from pursuing your goals. however, she's definitely aware of what she's doing. she knows the power of her words over you, and she is masterful at making it seem like the seeds of doubt she plants are yours. she is draining you because it's easier to live with herself if you're both miserable, and you actually need to leave if you can. you heal this wound by accepting that she is absolutely the adult here and she knows better; there's only so much empathy you can have for someone who chooses to be cruel. you're being asked to remember that there's people around you who can help get you out of this, and that you don't have to gather proof of anything; you know she's making you feel awful, that's reason enough to hate her presence. for someone, it's okay to hold hate for her, it doesn't make you a bad person.

your channeled songs + films

- starring role by marina

- mother dearest

- girls in the hood by megan thee stallion

group three

your cards: queen of wands + eight of swords in reverse + king of wands in reverse + king of pentacles in reverse

is your mum homophobic and/or transphobic? first of all, she'll be dead in no time so she won't force you into heteronormative performance your whole life, don't worry. seriously though, someone here is being forced to perform a gender or a sexuality that doesn't align with them because their hating ass mum won't mind her own fucking business. in general, your mother is actively suppressing you learning how to stand by and for yourself. she has kept you from getting to explore who you are, expecting nothing but Good ChildTM from you, and whether she's aware of it or not, it's limiting your growth both internally and in the material world. you're being asked to acknowledge that you weren't made the way you are by accident, the only actual issue is bigotry that surrounds you. that is to say, trans and queer people aren't accidents, they just exist in a world full of bigots. what you can do is fully embrace yourself, because that's how you'll find your chosen family.

your channeled songs + films

- holy by jamila woods

- stone butch blues by leslie feinberg

- freaky friday (the one with lilo)

[buckets-and-trees]

Stella.

Stella.

This response is such an incredible gift! I can hardly begin to express how much it affected me to relive this chapter with you, and with such thought and insight! 🥹

Are we harboring perhaps a little crush here? + she’s not just starstruck or someone easily swooned by celebrity status.

Right on both counts! How could one not harbor a bit of a crush on America's golden "boy" but who is so clearly grown into being a man?! Especially after his nomad period and aging up like fine wine after. BUT she also has a level head on her shoulders.

I immensely enjoy writers working with all the things that the Blip would cause...

I would say that while it wasn't the first thing I knew about the Reader, it was in the first ten percent of things that I mapped out. There are a couple of major plot points that it will tie into later in the story, so I won't say anything about those, but one of the reasons it really felt like something I wanted for this Reader's backstory is that it gave a balance to Steve's other half if HE stayed and SHE blipped. As a unit, they could carry both persepctives and experiences together.

I love how competent we see Pepper be here, how she’s been so good at putting this team together.

...I forgot I put Maria Hill on this team.🧍🏻‍♀️ This chapter was written when I was verrrry deep into my rewatch of The West Wing and the presidential candidates were getting security/military briefings. At least I was thorough then! But I also didn't have any major plot points planned for international/military things to be affecting the candidates during the campaign, I just wanted to be thorough. AND I also remember when I wrote her onto this campaign team, I felt a very strong YEAH, BECAUSE WE DO NOT ACCEPT HALF OF WHAT HAPPENED IN SECRET INVASION!!! It just felt right hahaha.

After all, he is from a world where marriage wasn’t so focused on romantic love. But since he is a romantic, I’m definitely looking forward to them falling in love.

The reasoning Pepper lays out also has some elements of my own views of marriage - in that it HAS TO BE more than only romantic love, because marriage is hard work (as is anything worthwhile/that you invest in/that can grow). AND ALSO that married women should never be relegated to being only a trophy wife or a house wife (and I say that very specifically in that if those are roles that women want to have, then they should, but they should hopefully not be boxed into a corner).

I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE HER! And not just this moment, but the other moments you mentioned that I was stitching little bits of character into her. Partly for Steve to fall in love with, but ... partly because in a lot of my Readers, I want it to feel like clothes that the person reading it can put on and wear for a while. Sometimes a costume, sometimes to deal with a complex issue, sometimes to have a wild time/experience something we otherwise never would... But when I write confident and driven readers or readers who are direct, I put a lot of what I would aspirationally hope that I could be into those characters, if that makes sense? I don't want them to be perfect, but I want them to have backbones and dreams and ambitions and reason and logic and real feelings that motivate them. For me, it's empowering - and if fiction gets to be an escape, sometimes I want to escape into healthy leading lady energy, and hope that that's what others reading this story can feel, too. 🥹

Oh, I’m intrigued by this. Is she a widow too?

🤐😏

This isn’t even a thirst trap, it’s a heart trap, and that’s worse.

this has the delightful found family vibes – which are definitely highlighting some major loss in First Lady’s background, I mean, she has to have a hint of craziness and not a lot to lose to jump into this headfirst – that I always enjoy in fic.

BINGO! Part of Reader's wiliingness to agree is the nature of being untethered to the life she was living.

But oh! Sam just! Sam is such a fantastic character/figure in the MCU, and I wanted to give him some good moments + parts to be part of this story, because Steve has strong ties to the important people in his life, you know? And so this story ending up having a strong inclusion of side characters started in this chapter, and although it's Steve x Reader, they couldn't be in a bubble - especially not given the campaign story shell, so I wanted to make everyone around them count/have significant roles to play.

"He might look like an all-American boy scout, but there's a lot more going on under the surface." + this is definitely hinting towards how he’s not just the perfect soldier or the good man but human and I am always here here for it. And we love Sam for recognizing all this in his friend.

It's so important to me to have characters that feel real, and I think... well, I think there can be this tendency around SOME people in MCU fandom (not all, but some), who hate and dismiss Steve's character for just being this perfect paragon boy scout idea of Captain America, and he's so much more. If we go to the Cap v. Iron Man, I think we see the same dismissal over Tony is just selfish but these are both only ASPECTS that they present, pieces that they struggle with, and when they're further and further explored, we see the complex layers. The complex Steve is the one I love to read and strive to write. And Sam giving a briefing here to our Reader about his character gave me the chance to put the marker in the sand and say it's the kind of Steve I was hoping to put in here, too.

And....also....

Sam - to be frank - is doing some damage control.

Because it sucks that Steve didn't come to this breakfast. THIS BREAKFAST WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HIS WIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW.

Reader is being very optimistic still, not letting it get to her, and definitely GENUINELY enjoying this time with Sam, but.... it still is what it is. Sam: not lying about anything, but definitely hyping his boy up so you don't resent Steve or feel defeated or insecure.

I know it's the delicious sort of slow burn when they don't even lay an eye on each other in the first two chapters.

BURN, BABY, BURNNNNN! IT'S GONNA BE SUCH A BURN, STELLA!

And, as I said in the very beginning of my response, this was such. a. gift. Doing basically a close re-read of this with you/through your comments also comes at SUCH an opportune/unique time because I just posted chapter 11 last Friday and I think I now have it tied down to just four more chapters, and it's reminding me of some of the key things that I had planted seeds for in the beginning, and some of them I know I've got strong threads that have already wrapped up, some I still need to wrap up but are on track, and some that I can circle back to that I forgot (like, oH HEY, WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA SEE MARIA HILL NOW because I did forget her 😩).

You are a goddess.

I'm sorry to hear that 2024 ended in such a drain and strain on your energy, and so I hope that 2025 can be a gentler and kinder year for you! Sending you so much 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 both for spending so much time on this commentary and just for you in general.

Red, White & True: Manhattan & Brooklyn (1/?)

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers (future x curvy Millennial Female!Reader), Pepper Potts, Sam Wilson Word Count: 4k Summary: "There was an idea..." Words at the heart of what brought the Avengers together. Pepper Potts has persuaded Steve Rogers to step up and help again - but this time in a battle to The White House. She invites you to consider a key position.

Content/Warnings: none

Notes: This takes place in a post-Endgame scenario where Steve stays and generally most of TFATWS happened.

Prologue | Series

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

[MAY 15 - Manhattan, New York]

You try not to hold still while you wait in the lobby, but you’re nervous and the longer you sit, the more difficult it is to resist drumming your fingers, tapping your foot, jiggling your right leg as it’s crossed over your left, or even just chewing on your bottom lip.

You’re not anxious at all over meeting with Pepper, but what has you on alert is the possibility that you could theoretically meet Steve Rogers, former Captain America, today.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. The lobby of Stark Industries is immaculate, all sleek lines and modern design. The large windows let in plenty of natural light, making the space feel open and inviting despite its corporate purpose.

Your mind wanders back to your college days when you’d walked into a different Stark Industries lobby for the first time, a hopeful intern wanting to make a difference at the then-new Stark Foundation office. Pepper had been very involved in building the Foundation at the time, and had become a key mentor and - as the years passed and you left Stark Industries - a dear friend. She had helped fuel some of your late-night study sessions through grad school. Living in a new state, she had shown up and seen you through breakups, family drama, and the stress of putting together your thesis. Even when your paths diverged, you'd managed to stay in touch.

Back then, she’d become like the older sister you never had, seeing you through some of the difficult years figuring out how to be a real adult. Now, here you are, waiting to potentially join a presidential campaign she’s orchestrating for none other than Steve Rogers.

The receptionist's voice startles you out of your reverie. "Ms. Potts will see you now."

You stand, smoothing down your carefully chosen outfit - professional, but not stuffy. As you follow the receptionist down the hallway, your mind races with possibilities. What position could Pepper have in mind for you? Your background in political science and your years working in non-profit management seem like they could be useful, but you can't help feeling a little out of your depth.

As you approach Pepper's office, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. The door opens, and there she is - Pepper Potts, looking as poised and confident as ever in a crisp white blouse and tailored navy suit. Her strawberry blonde hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail, and her smile is warm and welcoming.

"It's so good to see you," she says, embracing you in a quick hug. "Come in, please."

You step into her spacious office, taking in the floor-to-ceiling windows with a breathtaking view of the city skyline. Pepper gestures to a comfortable-looking chair across from her desk, and you sit, trying to keep your nerves in check.

"I appreciate you coming on such short notice," Pepper begins. "I know it's been a few years since we’ve been able to catch up - even before the Blip.”

You were among the half who disappeared - still such a strange concept to grasp though you were supposedly settled back in. “I was happy to come! And of course I don’t mind a trip on the Stark Industries dime,” you say with a grin.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?"

You shake your head. "I'm fine, thanks."

Pepper settles into her chair, folding her hands on the desk. "So, I know I told you we’re putting together the campaign team for Rogers for America, but I'm sure you're wondering more specifically why I called you here."

You nod, leaning forward in your chair, eager to hear Pepper’s vision.

"We're putting together an incredible team," she begins, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I've been reaching out to some of the brightest minds in politics, economics, and social justice. We have former White House staffers, grassroots organizers, and even a few unexpected faces from the private sector who are eager to contribute their expertise."

You are instantly intrigued, trying to imagine the caliber of people she's describing. Your mind races with possibilities - perhaps that brilliant campaign manager who orchestrated the upset victory in the last Senate race, or the economist whose revolutionary ideas about sustainable development have been making waves in academic circles.

"We've got strategists who are anticipating every move our opponents might make," Pepper continues, "and communications experts who can craft messages that will resonate with voters across the political spectrum.”

You listen intently, trying to pinpoint where you might fit into this powerhouse group.

"There's Maria Hill," Pepper continues, "who's handling security and intelligence briefings. She's got connections that'll be invaluable. Then there's Peter Parker - you might know him as Spider-Man - he's officially our youth outreach coordinator, but he's also got a brilliant scientific mind that we're tapping into for policy development."

Your eyebrows raise at the mention of Spider-Man.

Pepper leans forward, her eyes locking with yours. "But here's the thing - we're not just assembling a team of political operatives and policy experts. We need people who understand the heart of what we're trying to do, who can see the bigger picture and help keep us grounded in our core values."

Your heart begins to race as you start to realize where this might be going.

"That's where you come in," Pepper says, a warm smile spreading across her face. "I've watched your career over the years, how you've navigated the non-profit world, building coalitions and making real change happen. You have a gift for bringing people together, for seeing connections that others miss. Your experience gives you a unique perspective that we desperately need."

Your heart races as you process her words. You had assumed you might be offered some kind of advisory role, perhaps in fundraising or event planning. Maybe even appearance management or offering occasional input on strategy. But from Pepper's tone, it sounds like she has something more substantial in mind.

"Where do you see me on this team?" you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

"I've been putting a lot of thought into this," Pepper continues, her voice filled with conviction. “You know we’re doing something unconventional. Did you read the presidential plan?”

You nod. Steve’s bid for President of the United States was still technically not public knowledge. You had signed an NDA - being told only that you were receiving a proposal Pepper wanted your input and consultation on, with potential to join the team if you supported the initiative, and just silence if you didn’t.

“It’s bold, idealistic, aspirational; but it’s also unapologetic, has clear plans of action, and could be transformational in ways we haven’t seen in living memory,” you give your assessment.

“And it’s something you could see yourself being a part of?”

You take a deep breath, but smile genuinely. “I couldn’t sleep the first night after you sent it over. I couldn’t stop reading, hoping, re-reading, imagining possibilities!”

“Good,” Pepper responds. “Perfect.”

“Put me to work wherever you need me!”

“I was hoping you would say that because I have a very specific position I need to get filled, and you’re my first - and only - pick for the job.”

“Pepper, stop holding out!” A nervous and eager laugh escapes you. “Tell me!”

Her response slams into you like a freight train, knocking the air from your lungs.

“Future First Lady.”

You feel your jaw drop in shock, almost hitting the ground as your mind races with disbelief and anger. The room feels like it's spinning as you struggle to process the weight of her words.

"What?" you gasp, your voice barely above a whisper. "Pepper, I... I don't understand. First Lady? But that would mean..."

Pepper holds up a hand, her expression serious. "We're not just running a campaign here. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country. Steve is an incredible man, and he needs a partner who understands the complexities of modern America, not just a trophy wife, someone who can connect with people from all walks of life."

You shake your head, still reeling. "But I'm not - I mean, Steve and I aren't even - we've never even met!"

"I know," Pepper says softly. "That's part of the plan. We want to show that leadership isn't about who you're married to or what your last name is. It's about vision, compassion, and the ability to bring people together."

Pepper leans back in her chair, her expression at least revealing some concern over your reaction. "I know it's a lot to take in."

"A lot to take in?" you interrupt, your voice rising. "Pepper, it's insane! It’s May, and the election is in November. How could I possibly be the First Lady?"

Pepper holds up a hand, trying to calm you. "I know, I know. Let me explain."

But you're on a roll now, your initial shock giving way to indignation. "Explain what? How you thought it was okay to offer me a position that requires me to be married to a stranger? Use me to score points?”

"I understand your reaction," Pepper says calmly, "but please, hear me out. This isn't about scoring political points or creating some sham marriage. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country."

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. "Go on," you say, your voice tight, “because you’re still trotting out marriage.”

"We can’t outright ignore traditional expectations and polling numbers. If Steve were running as the nominee for either of the major parties, we could probably win without him being married, but since he’s running as an independent, he needs a wife. That being said, we want to move away from the traditional concept of the First Lady as just the President's wife," Pepper explains. "The vision is a First Partnership. Two people who work together. There’ve been a few First Ladies who have done more with their platform and position, and that’s what we would want for you, too.”

You chew on your lip, not persuaded yet, but a little less angry.

“We have an opportunity to show what a healthy partnership in marriage could look like to new generations. You’re my first and only choice because of your skills, experience, and the vision I know you would bring to the table. But you’re also my first and only choice because I think you two are well-suited for each other.”

You open your mouth to protest, but Pepper raises her hand to stop you.

“You and Steve don’t have to put on a show and be madly in love - that’s not what I want, that’s not what he wants or expects either.”

You frown. “What does he expect?” you ask. And then you perk up even more. “Has he agreed to this? Shouldn’t he at least be here to make the offer himself?”

Pepper sighs. “It was easier for me to convince him to run in the first place than to agree that he needed a wife.”

“But you’re telling me he did agree?”

Pepper nods. “He did.”

You unconsciously rub the empty space on your left ring finger. “Couldn’t we just get engaged and leave the question of a marriage for whether or not he wins?”

A soft laugh falls from Pepper’s mouth. “He actually asked the same thing.”

“And…?” You raise your eyes expectantly.

“The public would rake us over the coals and accuse us of only doing it as a publicity stunt. The campaign would become a gossip column on your relationship status and nothing more.”

“But isn’t it a publicity stunt?”

“We can spin a marriage that seems to appear out of nowhere. Steve’s always been a private person when it comes to his personal life. We will tell people you met through me - which is true. I thought you were well-suited for each other - which I do. When people asked why the wedding just before announcing his bid for the presidency, we tell them you two didn’t want your relationship status to become the big question on everyone’s minds so they can focus on the platforms and policies instead and that every marriage takes work regardless of the length of the courtship.”

You sit in stunned silence for a moment, trying to process everything Pepper has said. The idea of marrying someone you've never met, let alone becoming the First Lady of the United States, seems utterly surreal. And yet, there's a part of you that's intrigued by the challenge, by the opportunity to make a real difference on such a grand scale.

"I need some time to think about this," you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Pepper nods understandingly. "Of course. It's a lot to take in. But I want you to know that I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think you were perfect for this role. Not just as a political partner, but as someone who could genuinely connect with Steve."

You raise an eyebrow. "You really think we'd be well-suited?"

"I do," Pepper says with confidence and warmth.

You rub your ring finger again, but this time you see Pepper’s eyes drop to watch your unconscious action, and you quickly stop. Her eyes, when you meet them again, are full of sympathy. You both lost husbands, but you don’t want to talk about it, yet again, and you don’t want to bring up a painful subject for her either.

She can read that in your tight-lipped smile.

So instead she says, “I can give you three days to think it over.”

You sigh and rise from your seat to go. “I don’t know if that’s long enough, but if you give me three days or three weeks, I don’t think it will change my decision I’ll land on. Give me the night to sleep on it. I think I’ll know by tomorrow morning.”

[JUNE 4 - Brooklyn, New York]

Three weeks later, your life has been packed up and put in a truck on its way to the new brownstone in Brooklyn that’s been acquired for you and Steve to move into, and you’re sitting at a table in a café a few blocks away, waiting to meet your future husband for the first time over breakfast. Every time the bell rings over the door, you dart your head to see if it’s him, but he’s evidently running late.

As you wait, checking to see if you have any messages on your phone, the bell over the door chimes once more. This time, when you look up, your breath catches in your throat. A tall, athletic man with dark skin and an easy smile has entered the café. You recognize him immediately as Sam Wilson, the new Captain America. Your heart sinks a little as you realize Steve isn't with him.

Sam spots you and makes his way over, his stride confident but casual. As he approaches, you notice the way his eyes scan the room, a habit born from years of military training and superhero work. He's dressed in civilian clothes - a leather jacket over a simple t-shirt and jeans - but there's no mistaking the aura of strength and capability that surrounds him.

"You must be the future Mrs. Rogers," Sam says with a warm smile, extending his hand. "I'm Sam Wilson. Steve asked me to come apologize and explain - and to have breakfast with you, if you’ll have me.”

You nod, forcing a smile, and shake his hand. "Of course. I understand.” You motion toward the chair across the table from you, inviting him to sit. “I know campaign prep must keep him incredibly busy."

Ever since you’d accepted the proposition to marry Steve Rogers and join him on the campaign trail to the White House, your own life had turned upside down, giving you hardly any time to breathe, and you’d been told this was only a mild version of what your own schedule was going to look like once Steve formally announced.

“Former President Bartlet agreed to meet with him, and the schedules ended up aligning this morning for Steve to go up to New Hampshire for a sit down,” Sam explains.

“President Bartlet?” you can’t help the awe in your voice. “I’d skip out on breakfast with me, too.”

“I hope I’m not a disappointment of a substitute,” Sam teases. “Since we’ll be working together as part of the senior staff, I volunteered because I was eager to finally meet you.”

His smile is genuine, and you feel the absolute truth of his sentiment. It melts away some of your disappointment and worry.

In return, your smile becomes a little warmer and easier. “I can’t help being a little disappointed - since I was hoping to finally meet my future husband - but he’s unemployed and you’re technically Captain America, so I guess it’s really an upgrade.”

Sam laughs. “Oh, I’m going to love you, I can tell.”

“Just promise me he’ll actually be at the ceremony tomorrow?” you ask. Your tone is light, but Sam calls your bluff.

His laughter fades, replaced by a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, he'll be there. Wild horses couldn't keep him away. Or androids. Or aliens. Or wizards. Or..." He trails off, realizing he might be overdoing it. "You get the idea."

You nod, appreciating Sam's attempt at humor. "I hope so. It would be pretty awkward to explain to the press why the groom was a no-show at his own wedding."

"Trust me, Steve takes this very seriously," Sam says, his tone becoming more earnest. "He may not know you yet, but he respects you and the commitment you're making. He's not the type to back out or let you down."

You nod, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness. "I suppose I should get used to schedule changes and last-minute adjustments," you say, trying to keep your tone light.

"It's part of the package," Sam agrees. "But so is having a team of people who have your back, no matter what." He leans forward, his eyes meeting yours intently. "I want you to know that includes me. We're not just colleagues in this; we're family."

His words touch you deeply, and you feel a bloom of warmth in your chest, the firs time you’ve felt grounded since you agreed to do this. "Thank you, Sam," you manage to say. "That means a lot."

The waitress approaches, he orders coffee, and you both order breakfast.

As she walks away, you take a sip of the drink you’d ordered while you were waiting before, mulling over Sam's words. "Can I ask you something, Sam? You know Steve better than almost anyone. Do you think...?”

You hesitate, uncertain if you should voice your doubts to Sam. But his open, friendly demeanor encourages you to continue, and you’re going to need to learn to trust this new circle of people you’ll be surrounded with.

"Do you think this is crazy?" you finally ask, your voice barely above a whisper. "Marrying someone I've never even met, maybe becoming First Lady... it all feels so surreal."

Sam leans back in his chair, considering your question carefully. "Crazy? Maybe," he admits with a small smile. "But then again, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time with the Avengers. This? This actually feels like one of the more normal things I've been part of."

You can't help but chuckle at that, some of the tension easing from your shoulders.

"Look," Sam continues, his tone becoming more serious. "I won't lie to you. It's not going to be easy. The scrutiny, the pressure, the constant demands on your time and energy - it's going to be a lot. But if anyone can handle it, it's Steve. And from what I've heard about you, I think you're up for the challenge, too."

Sam pauses as the waitress returns with your breakfasts and his coffee. Once she's gone, he continues, "Steve doesn't do anything halfway. When he commits to something, he's all in. And he's committed to this - to you, to this campaign, to trying to make a real difference."

You nod, appreciating his honesty. "And what about... us? Steve and me, I mean. Do you think we can make this work? Not just for the campaign, but as a real partnership?"

Sam's eyes soften. "Steve's one of the best men I know. He's loyal, compassionate, and has a moral compass that doesn't quit. But he's also been through a lot, and he can be... guarded. It might take some time for him to open up fully."

You absorb this information, feeling a mix of apprehension and curiosity about your future husband. "I appreciate your honesty, Sam," you say softly. "I guess we'll both be navigating uncharted waters."

Sam nods, taking a sip of his coffee before responding. "True, but you won't be doing it alone. Not only do you have the support of the team, but I think you and Steve might surprise yourselves. You both have a strong sense of purpose, a desire to help others. That's a solid foundation to build on."

You pick at your breakfast, mulling over Sam's words. "I just hope we can find some common ground beyond the campaign," you admit.

Sam leans in, his expression earnest. "Like I said, when Steve commits to something, he gives it his all. That includes relationships. He may be reserved at first, but once he lets you in, you'll have his unwavering loyalty and support."

You nod, feeling a bit more reassured. "I appreciate that. I’m not some hopeless romantic, I’m not looking to be swept off my feet, but I just hope we can find some chemistry, some spark beyond just being political partners."

Sam chuckles. "Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Steve might be from the 1940s, but he's still a red-blooded man. And you," he gestures at you with his fork, "are definitely his type."

You feel your cheeks flush slightly. "His type?"

"Smart, independent, passionate about making a difference," Sam lists off. “

Your work in non-profits, your passion for social justice - that's right up Steve's alley. Plus, you've got that whole 'take no crap' vibe that he needs. I have a sense about these things, and you have it.”

You laugh, feeling some of the tension dissipate. "Well, I'll take your word for it. Though I have to admit, the idea of being Steve Rogers' 'type' is a bit surreal."

Sam grins. "Trust me, once you two actually meet, you'll see what I mean. Just don't let that 'aw shucks' routine fool you. He might look like an all-American boy scout, but there's a lot more going on under the surface."

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell."

Sam shakes his head, still smiling. "Nah, I'll let you discover that for yourself. Where's the fun if I spoil all the surprises?"

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. "Fine, keep your secrets. But seriously, Sam, thank you. For breakfast, for the pep talk, for everything. I'm really glad I got to meet you before tomorrow."

"Me too," Sam says, raising his coffee mug in a mock toast. "To new beginnings and unexpected partnerships."

You clink your own mug against his, feeling a surge of warmth and camaraderie. As you finish your breakfast, the conversation flows easily between you and Sam. He regales you with stories of his adventures with Steve, carefully omitting any classified details but painting a vivid picture of the man you're about to marry.

You learn about Steve's dry sense of humor, his unwavering loyalty to his friends, and his surprising skill at sketching. Sam describes missions where Steve's quick thinking saved the day, but also quieter moments - movie nights with the team, intense debates over board games, and Steve's ongoing struggle to catch up on pop culture.

As Sam talks, you find yourself leaning in, captivated by these glimpses of reality, getting to know more about the man behind the myth. And even if the next twenty-four hours will be a whirlwind of you choosing and getting fitted for your wedding dress; interviewing candidates that have been vetted for your personal staff - assistant, pr strategist, stylist, initiative director; and a bachelorette party; you feel like you’ll be able to face it all with the bit of reassurance you’ve gained by spending this time with Sam.

next part: LAS VEGAS & CLEVELAND

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

This story will have 3-4 chapters, depending on where I split up the narrative. I anticipate about a chapter a week, usually posted on Fridays.

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 25 His Side Story

Chapter 25

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

I had a bad feeling about this.

Kamal: Hey, shouldn't you tell Miss Emma the truth?

Kamal: If she knew you were alive, I think she'd be happy.

Azel: Even if that's true, absolutely don't tell her.

Kamal: Why?

Azel: ...Just because.

Kamal: That's not a reason. You're the one who wants to see her so badly.

Azel: Would you please not fabricate people's feelings?

(A dead god can't freely walk around outside.)

(...What am I going to do, tying down that woman who's continuing her journey as a book merchant?)

(In the first place, I don't want to see her, nor do I want her to be by my side.)

(When I let my guard down, I do remember her, but that's all.)

(Even for me, that woman will eventually become a dream.)

Kamal: I'm not fabricating anything. Because, Azel, you're clearly depressed.

Azel: Huh?

Kamal: You're absent-minded. You might as well admit it.

Kamal: That you've fallen in love with her.

Azel: Don't say such disgusting things, that's absolutely not true.

(Everyone's saying whatever they want.)

(There's no such thing.)

-

(...There isn't, but...)

The regular meeting of the triple alliance was held in secret.

The complacency that no outsider would come led to this current tragedy.

Emma: You definitely love me, Prince Azel.

The woman, whom I thought I would never see again, said it shamelessly and boldly.

Azel: ...........................

Emma: It's no use sulking.

Azel: I'm not.

Azel: No matter what you say, I don't love you.

Azel: ...Go back. Pretend you didn't see me.

Azel: I'll strangle Kamal when I get back. I told him at least a thousand times not to tell you.

Emma: Unfortunately, I can't just obediently go back.

(Go back...)

(...Please.)

Even though I denied it with my words, my heart was strangely restless.

The longer this conversation dragged on, the more likely I was to reach out to her.

Whether aware of my inner struggle or not, the woman casually took off her bag and took out paper, a quill, and ink from it.

(What is she doing?)

I peered at her hand, and a bad feeling swelled up as I saw the letters being written.

Azel: ...An invoice?

Emma: Yes. First, the expenses for Kamal's request... and the mental anguish I suffered...

(What do you mean, "expenses for Kamal's request"? I haven't heard anything about this...)

Emma: The reward for the success of that day's plan, plus compensation for various damages...

Azel: What are these "various damages"?

Emma: ...K-Kisses, hugs, and all that stuff!

Azel: Huh?

Emma: Subtracting my debt from this and calculating...

Emma: I think it comes to about this much!

The invoice thrust in front of me listed a theoretically impossible amount to repay, filled with zeros.

Azel: You... can you even read these digits?

Emma: No, I can't.

Azel: Don't say it so proudly.

Emma: But I won't let you say you can't pay.

Emma: ...My heart is expensive.

Azel: ......

I could sense her desperation, as if she was about to cry.

Perhaps the woman was just imitating the god who once bound her with debt.

(...Something worth a fortune...)

(If you put a price on it, maybe this is indeed the theoretical value.)

Azel: ...A dead god can't appear on the public stage again.

Azel: Unlike you, I'll be living in the shadows from now on.

(What is she talking about?)

(I should just throw the invoice back at her, saying it's ridiculous...)

(...This makes it seem like I'm the one clinging to her.)

(Even though that's not my intention.)

Emma: Then all the more reason why it's worth paying me.

Azel: Specifically?

Emma: I'll run a lot of errands in place of Prince Azel, who can't move freely.

Azel: That's fine, there are other people.

Emma: I'll even make delicious food.

Azel: ...I won't have any trouble with food even without you.

Emma: More than anything...

Emma: I'll teach you what true love is.

Emma: I'll correct your distorted perception of love and make you say, "My life was happy"!

Azel: .....

Azel: ...............

Azel: ..........................

(Damn it...)

(...You understand why I'm pushing you away, don't you?)

(Love is a curse.)

(It's something that makes people unhappy.)

(I've never seen proper love.)

(...Certainly, this "true love" you're talking about is different from what I know...)

(...Maybe I'm just ignorant...)

The woman—Emma is waiting for an answer.

Her gaze was so sincere and genuine that it took my breath away.

She seems to truly believe that she can teach me about "true love," and my heart wavers with an unfamiliar curiosity.

(...I don't like you... I shouldn't...)

Against my will, my hand snatched the invoice.

Azel: ...I'm just reluctantly accepting you to repay my debt.

Azel: Don't misunderstand.

(I've done it now.)

Regret immediately washed over me, but Emma's satisfied smile blew it all away.

Azel: Oh dear... With this much debt, I'll be broke for life.

Emma: Poor you.

Emma: Ow... ow!

Azel: ––...Don't run away until I've paid it all off.

(It's fine. I'll get over it.)

(...I know it's unreasonable.)

Emma: Do you know what that's called in the world?

Emma: It's called "adorable."

Azel: .............

Azel: ...I know that much.

(I don't want to admit it...)

(Even now, I honestly wish this was all a mistake...)

Against my will, I embraced her.

Azel: I've been cursed. By you, of all people...

Azel: I hate emotions that can't be explained with logic.

Azel: But I love you. Damn it...

-

I remember a dream I once had.

Azel: As for me, I'd rather not have anything to do with love.

Azel: ––Because I'm a god who doesn't love people.

(How did it come to this?)

Emma's dream, which I occasionally wander into, had undergone a noticeable change.

The immature space that only had buds was now surrounded by a multitude of roses, and the night sky had transformed into a clear blue one.

The sweet scent of roses tickled my nose, and I couldn't help but frown.

(...Dreams are a mirror that reflects a person's heart...)

Emma: Burn this into your eyes.

Emma: Because this entire space is probably my heart, which loves Prince Azel so much that it can't help itself.

Azel: ...Please stop.

Emma: And look at this.

Emma grabbed my arm and dragged me to the oak table.

There wasn't an unfinished book there, but a rose encased in a glass dome.

The fresh rose was partially crystallized, sparkling in the sunlight.

Emma: It's the most beautiful rose in the dream world.

Azel: ...Is that so?

Emma: I wonder what it means.

Azel: Don't ask me. This is your dream.

(...There's no need to guess anymore.)

Emma: This must also be my love.

Azel: ......

Emma: Don't I love Prince Azel too much?

Azel: Don't say it yourself.

(I never thought I'd experience such torture in someone else's dream.)

In this unbearably sweet space, Emma was smiling the whole time.

I couldn't take my eyes off her face for some reason.

(No... I know the reason why.)

(Once you're cursed, it's no use, it's too late.)

(...She's so adorable.)

(...)

Azel: ...Ah.

Suddenly, I noticed my face reflected in the glass dome.

It was a horrifying face, the likes of which I had never seen before in my life.

(Who is that... Is that me?)

(...What a nightmare.)

When I looked down, Emma, who had been looking at the rose all this time, was trembling.

Emma: It's alright, I already noticed.

Azel: ...What's alright about it, damn it.

(It's no use denying it with words anymore.)

Azel: ...Sigh.

Emma: Why are you sighing?

Azel: I'm just disgusted with myself.

(I'm getting tired of desperately denying it.)

(This is a dream... I can admit it a little in a dream.)

(...You're not the only one who loves too much...)

(...What's worth a fortune to me is right here...)

Azel: When and where did I go wrong? I wasn't supposed to love you, not one bit...

I couldn't help but look up at the clear sky.

The soft light pouring down from the moonless sky was pleasant.

Azel: I strayed from the path, this is the worst.

Azel: ...The fact that I don't hate it, that's the worst part.

.

.

.

Romantic Ending Epilogue

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[h-sleepingirl]

Hi!

I've been participating in the hypnosis world for about a year only as a subject, with somebody's audio files I've grown to enjoy. Being relatively... intelligent? (ADHD former "gifted kid" stereotype,) I've loved the way it can be so calming to my head which often has thoughts racing left and right with no end.

Your latest post about being a wizard with tomes piqued my interest and I would love to learn more and be one myself, especially in regards to Erickson who I had no knowledge of prior to today. Where would you recommend I start...? I would love to DM you and chat if the response would otherwise be too vague and long to be a reply to anon :)

Excellent to hear! I’ll give you some recommended reading and info. (And thanks for asking in my inbox, because this may help others!)

Milton Erickson was a hypnotherapist active in the 1900s who helped shape the form of modern hypnosis. There are many mythology-type stories about him. He really pioneered non-authoritative hypnosis (like, not “You will go into trance now!”), and hypnosis where he considered each client individually in order to figure out the best hypnotic method for them (this is the most critical thing and we still need to learn from it IMO). He’s known for some distinct techniques including storytelling and indirect language, although how those work and what they are depends on who you ask. He was a major inspiration for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which takes inspiration from him but really changes a lot.

If you are just starting to learn how to hypnotize another person, I would not recommend STARTING with Erickson’s direct works (I mean feel free to read about the guy, just don't try to fight through his writing yet) -- but I don’t think you have to wait too long, especially if you have some experience as a subject. I would highly recommend reading a VARIETY of “intro to erotic hypnosis” guides -- there are a bunch, and as you’ll see, everyone teaches them differently. That’s because there are MANY ways of looking at how to do hypnosis and what it even is. Keep that in mind as you explore. I would like to offer my own guide: https://www.learnhypnokink.com/ in which I do try to teach a more overarching perspective that should be useful for learning other perspectives, and especially useful for progressing past beginner level.

Reading is great and if you only ever want to read that is fine, but a lot comes from experience, too. I don’t have recommendations for finding people to play with -- just remember that as a hypnotist, you have boundaries too, and you do not have to let yourself be used as a “trance vending machine” by eager subjects.

In terms of Erickson, take a look at his Wikipedia page or articles about him to get the gist of his character and history -- fascinating stories about him. And then when you want to try, read “Hypnotic Realities”, by him and his student Ernst Rossi. This is THE definitive Erickson book. I would not recommend reading books ABOUT "Ericksonian hypnosis" first -- anything talking ABOUT Erickson really tends to transform the meat of what he's trying to communicate IMO. Read from the source first. “Hypnotic Realities” is the greatest book on hypnosis of all time in my opinion, but it’s dense and challenging. It’s also beautifully subtle and you should plan to reread it ever so often because you will get new things out of it at different places along your journey.

Good luck! I hope this helps you and anyone else curious!

[kamiiik0]

☆ 𝙑𝙤𝙞𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙇𝙪𝙘𝙞𝙙 𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜

This is gonna be a FULL guide to enter void state aka induce pure consciousness through lucid dreaming. I'm gonna start from the very basics, It's also gonna be the way i induce pure consciousness through lucid dreaming (Don't worry, it's easy), but I have also provided other methods if some people don't resonate with mine. Let us begin.

》 1. What is lucid dreaming?

Lucid dreaming is an of gaining awareness inside a dream. Basically it's just being aware that you're dreaming in a dream, which allows us to control and mold our dreams into the way we want, and also opens opportunities for interesting things like inducing pure consciousness, or more commonly for shifting. Lucid dreaming is ,, extremely easy , and anyone can do it.

》 2. How did I lucid dream? (and how you can do it too the easy way)

Personally, I just get a sudden realisation or a feeling inside my dream that goes "wait, I'm dreaming". IKeep in mind i've never done any methods or reality checks whatsoever, I just decide that I'm a lucid dreaming master (loaasumption) and can easily enter void state through lucid dreaming, and that was basically it. I used subliminals, (if you want me to link it then let me know), but the night I lucid dreamt i didn't listen to any subliminals, i just set the intention. But yes, they helped me a lot I'd say, you can definitely give them a try. And yes, I've succeeded through this method.

Basically, all you need to is intend to lucid dream, whether that be by deciding, affirming, repetition or by your own method. Personally, I just decide that I'll lucid dream tonight.

What i do after I realise I'm lucid dreaming (and what you should do too), I calm myself down, then I close my eyes (this immediately leads you to the void) and I start affirming things such as "I am pure consciousness", "I am in the void state", then i enter. Its a guaranteed void inducing method. and IF YOU WAKE UP IMMEDIATELY AFTER CLOSING YOUR EYES, then stabilise your dream for a bit by creating random stuffs or staying longer and exploring.

》 3. Other methods to lucid dreaming

If you don't resonate with the intention method, here are some other methods you can use:

a. Wake Back To Bed (WBTB)

Wake back to bed involves setting an alarm for 4.5-6 hours after you sleep. To be honest, you can use any alarm it doesn't have to be touchless. After waking up, stay awake for anywhere between 10-60 minutes, you can do anything just try to stay awake. After staying up for between 10-60 mins, go back to sleep. This sends you directly into the REM sleep stage which is associated with lucid dreaming.

b. Finger Induced Lucid Dream (FILD)

FILD involved setting an alarm anywhere after 2-3 hours. After waking up, lie down on your back and close your eyes. Then move your fingers like you're playing a piano and start visualization/ daydreaming (about anything). After that, your fingers will start to become less "noticeable". After 30 seconds of doing this, do a reality check like closing your nose and breathing. If you can breathe, you're dreaming. If not, repeat from the finger tapping again.

c. Dream Exit Induced Lucid Dream (DEILD)

In the DEILD method, you have to wake up WITHOUT physical moments. You can set an intention to wake up at x time, or use a touchless alarm for this. After waking up, remain completely still, moments can cause the brain to wake up. After that, imagine any scenario. Keep imagining, until your scenario has turned into a dream. (Your dream might exactly not be the same as your Scenario).

d. Mnemonic Induced Lucid Dreaming (MILD)

For MILD, set an alarm, for 5 hours. After waking up, try to recall your dream at your best ability. Identify any key signs that can help you know whether your dreaming or not if you re enter the dream. You can also use phrases like "next time I'm dreaming, I'll remember I'm dreaming". Then fall back asleep quickly.

4. 》 Things to remember while lucid dreaming

a. Calm down, getting overly excited can collapse your dream. Taking deep breaths help

b. Stabilise your dream by creating stuff, flying, or doing xyz things in your dream so you're properly grounded (Optional step, I personally just calmed myself down and affirmed for the void, but it can be important for some people)

c. FOR THE PEOPLE WHOSE DREAM COLLAPSE AS SOON AS THEY BECOME LUCID/ PEOPLE WHO WANT TO VIVIDIFY THEIR DREAM; I know collapsing your dream as soon as you become lucid sucks. So to prevent this, ▪︎Immediately start touching the ground as soon as you become lucid. ▪︎Start rubbing your hands together. ▪︎Yell, or tell your subconscious "I want clarity". ▪︎Keep your emotions in check, stay as calm as possible.

d. BE PATIENT! inducing pure consciousness may nor be immediate, it can take upto 5 minutes of affirming for some (usually not), but if you think you're affirming and nothing happened, keep doing it because I guarantee those 5 minutes extra of affirming are worth living your dream life.

5. 》 Why I prefer this method (and why might you too 😉)

Lucid dreaming is the most effective and guaranteed method to induce pure consciousness in my opinion. I tried inducing pure consciousness by relaxing and daydreaming, but i couldn't help but focus on my 3D a lot which left me discouraged, even after i succeeded. So I decided upon this method. This method will be extremely helpful for those who just suck at actually daydreaming without the "back of their mind" still focusing on the 3D (me lol).

This concludes our Lucid Dream guide. I might or might not edit it again, but if you have any questions then you can ask me! Now go live your dream life!

[xxgoldie]

oh him getting possessive is SO good in this scenario. hadn't even thought of that. I headcanon him as being from a rural village / rlly small town in snezhnaya, I can't remember if that's canon supported or if its just me copy pasting where my family lives onto him in my mind, but that's the vibe I get. it's an everyone-knows-everyone town, and thats part of why he loves to visit, because even if ppl are a bit wary about him now, he is still sweet little Ajax to them. but that means they also aren't as scared of him as they are in the city. and they also all know and love you, people stopping to greet you and ask how you've been whenever they see you while the two of you are out on walks (small town means there's fuck all to do but wander around). they're gushing about how it's been so long, they haven't seen you since you visited a year ago! seriously, he had to live without you for a decade, when he definitely knew and liked you more than they did, and theyre here whining and taking your attention from him over one year? and they don't even flinch at his deadly glare as he pulls you to his side and says that you should get going.

really, though, he just wants to make up for lost time. years and years of bad timing has kept you apart but he never stopped thinking about you, saw the photos and got updates on you whenever he visited your family, and now he wants every second with you he can get, he wants to hear everything about your life. he's not even sure if the feeling is romantic or not until you tell him you're not dating anyone and he feels pure relief, and he swears he sees something similar on your face when he tells you he's single too.

when he sees you off, he feels like begging you to stay. he knows it's stupid, because he can't stay either, he'll be in town for a couple more days then he'll have to go back to the city and then get sent on another assignment to some far corner of teyvat (he hopes its your far corner, but he knows his luck is rarely that good). what he really means is he wants you to stay with him, wherever that may be, but those words don't come until after you're gone. instead, the two of you agree to stay in touch, and he makes you promise you'll let him know ages in advance when you're planning to visit snezhnaya again so he can try and be around as well. even if he has to work, you could visit him at his place in the city (he might actually prefer that - he wouldn't have to fight anyone for your attention there, and there's places he could take you out for a proper date)

thinkin abt childe since im visiting my like entire family in poland bc yknow. big family vibes n snezhnaya being slavic-based (+its been snowing like crazy here the last couple days). like, childhood friends to lovers w him where u were absolute besties as kids but then u moved away from snezhnaya and he joined the fatui and ur visits never seemed to coincide with his and suddenly its been fifteen years and you haven't seen him once. he surprises his family when he's back early from a mission and walks in to find u at his kitchen table having coffee with his mother and sister (your families are friends, of course you always visit them when you're in the country), and it should be awkward but you're honestly both so happy to see each other, it's been so long that teucer wasn't even born yet last time you saw each other! and then they bring out the old albums and you're poring over photos of the two of you at age five playing in the snow and he invites you out for a drink to catch up properly and his parents are nudging each other and not-so-quietly whispering about how they "knew those two would get married one day". idk. is that anything?

[misc-obeyme]

do you think diavolo and barbatos are immune to asmo's charm powers? i can see diavolo (and maybe barbatos if he was in the mood) being totally immune but playing along and pretending to be affected if he wanted to have fun or do something silly. or maybe they're like lucifer and get genuinely affected one or two times before building up a tolerance. (AFAIK it hasn't been confirmed one way or the other in chats or devilgrams, i just think it's fun to think about lol)

You know, I think you're right, I don't remember that ever being talked about. Though to be fair I don't remember a lot of details, so if someone knows the answer to this, please let me know!

Let's assume for a moment that it's never discussed in canon, though. I definitely see it as you've described where both Diavolo and Barbatos are completely immune to it. But Diavolo plays along because he thinks it's fun. Barbatos is likely less inclined to do that.

But the real question is does Asmo know Diavolo is only playing along? Because imagine how he'd react if he thought his charm worked on the next Demon King, you know what I'm saying?

I think it'd be more fun if Asmo knew though. Like he's perfectly aware that Diavolo is too powerful and can easily resist his charm. But he also thinks it's fun if they do a little charade.

Asmo's like, "Lord Diavolo, don't you think it'd be great if you let me go home early from RAD today~" and he's like looking into Dia's eyes, attempting to use his charm.

And Diavolo can tell so he acts a little hypnotized and goes, "Oh Asmodeus, I agree that one as beautiful as you should be free to leave early!"

Asmo giggles and gives him a big hug before leaving. Meanwhile Barbatos is rolling his eyes, but not interfering adlskfjlf.

I do think it'd be interesting if they had to develop a tolerance, but I think they're more likely to be immune.

Though can you imagine if Barbatos had one or two times where he was genuinely affected?

Asmo doesn't even think it'll work so he just says, "Barbatos, I'm so hungry, won't you bake me a big beautiful cake??"

And Barbatos is completely shocked when he feels compelled to bake a cake for Asmo. He doesn't even resist he's so surprised, he just goes off and does it.

Asmo's like, "OMG I did NOT think that would work!" when Barb brings out a big ole cake lol.

It never works again, though. And when Asmo tries again and Barbatos just smiles at him and ignores him, he gets all pouty. Might end up getting what he wants anyway because unless it's really unreasonable Barbatos probably doesn't mind indulging him.

[calirph]

𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐂 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒. all these sentences come from a search on goodread's keywords for high fantasy and epic fantasy. please change names, locations and pronouns as you see fit.

“Wouldn’t the joys of life lose all colour, if life was eternal?”

“True siblings are bound together by far more essential things than blood, while more times than many blood isn't thicker than water.”

“I believe with all my heart, that Magnus is a worthy and superior successor to your current king. ”

“Fate was a fairy story and a bullshit one at that; fate could get fucked and go bother someone else.”

“You shouldn’t ask the girl blessed by Death whom she’ll die for. You should ask her whom she’ll kill for.”

“You are what I imagine the sun to be like. Fiery. Beautiful. Damning”

“We’re all selfish monsters— the only difference is some of us are more honest about it than others.”

“Tell me a secret, then. One you can part with.”

“Control is an illusion, something to make us feel grounded and in charge of our destinies.”

“Don't overthink everything. You might be surprised by how much you'd like being out of control. Being alive is chaos, and living in it is half the fun.”

“Her hand in mine is as good as gold.”

“One taste, and a thousand deaths you shall receive.”

“You and what army?”

“Maybe today was the day the fire roared and defeated all the rest.”

“To love was a privilege not afforded to those of us born in these trying times when survival was never guaranteed.

“No one doubts your honourable nature, most noble of kings and best of brothers.”

“Don't dwell on your past - it's not where you're going”

“It's your life. Do what you want with it.”

“Ambition comes with a price attached. Of course, that price comes too high if you die for nothing. The reward for ambition too great... is self-destruction!”

“Don't you wish you were here?”

“Most animals are willing to talk. It's the human who don't listen.”

“Some call it brash. Others call it independent. Pick your interpretation.”

“How can I even begin to understand the nature of power when no one shares a common definition of it?”

“No one used my family against me to accomplish their own goals. Not even God or an Immortal.”

“You remember him as a hero, so none of it makes sense for you. But you can remember him like that without caring what others think. No parent is perfect, and growing up is realizing that.”

“The dark doesn't mean you're alone.”

“The tongue is shallow, like water lapping at the shore. To fully understand is to swim in the deep ocean with all the senses.”

“The same thing that you value. Justice for the sake of it, and the safeguard of those who need it. Our methods may differ, but our hearts are the same.”

"My goodness, look at your face! Why ask if you thought I'd say no?"

“Come with me, I think I have a new escape for you.”

“Why should injustice, the darkness of justice, exist and not be an imperfect entry in a book unread for centuries? Until it is so forgotten, that no one remembers it was ever there.”

“That's what friends, that's what brethren are for. To be there, where words cannot.”

“What a thraldom, to be able to dream and only then to be free!”

“The wise man does not play games with dragons.”

“I don’t want to be remembered . . . I just want to live without fear.”

“A name does not make the man, just like a lie does not tell the full story.”

“He told me that everything I was afraid of in the dark was also there in the light. The only difference was the way it looked.”

“Hate is what will obliterate the brightest of the stars that shine inside your heart.”

“A smile is deceptive, I have found. Some are real… and some are false. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.”

“Nothing is truly real until one is willing to believe in it.”

“Those who long for perfection will never achieve it, while those who expect failure are always surprised.”

“I don’t have friends— only accomplices and enemies. You’d be amazed at how often they change sides.”

“Fathers are like that, Always disappointing their children when they need them the most.”

“Of course I would fall for Captain Emotionally Constipated. I could train a rock to hold more affection for me.”

“Because that means you’re thinking, and a thinking woman is usually something to fear.”

“Everything makes so much more sense, when you forget what life forces you to remember.”

“Influence is like the tide. Sometimes it goes, sometimes, however, it comes.”

“What kind of person do you wish to be? A part of those who take action, who try the hardest, or of those who go with the flow?”

“The same good folk who would burn me for a psychal now paid me to use my cursed gramarye to guard their sheep.”

“The God-War is coming.”

“Why must we overlook what we are most likely able to do?”

“I speak of the laws man has made, to make everyone lawful.”

“Before, I never knew how far I would go. Now I believe I have the answer. I will go as far as there is to go. I will go way too far.”

“Show your power by appearing powerless.”

“Books are keys that open many doors.”

“I am going to go into this world, and I don't care if you and your narrow mind cannot be a part of it.”

“You are blessed with a knack for sucking the wonder out of the extraordinary.”

“Right and wrong matters little when survival matters most.”

“The hard truths are the ones to hold tight. - Old Bear”

“One can't exactly savor vengeance when one is dead.”

“This was not going to be a peaceful day. No. It was going to be a mess.”

“When a mortal man breaks a people, it is always blamed on the gods.”

“That is the way of the gods. When they intervene, everyone loses something.”

“Life was cruel. It pitted the weak against the strong and never even blinked when the weak were crushed.”

“You were bringing me all those flowers when I was sick, like you were wooing me. How could my poor, weak heart resist?”

“I would choose freedom over comfort every time.”

“Women were always the cruelest where other women were concerned.”

“Is this a knight who comes before us, or the answer to a child’s riddle?”

[dragqueenstarscream]

How about 2, 4, 5, 9, 11, 15, 16 and 19 for armada megs please 👉👈

Also sorry if this is too many-

oh no, you don't have to apologize! i love answering asks! also, armada megs! he's a new one for me, but i'll try my best! (i can't blame you for asking for him. who can resist the voice of david kaye?)

2 - multiple orgasms/orgasm denial. definitely. not for himself, but for you. he hates being denied what he so rightfully deserves, but when it comes to you, he can be kinda mean, either refusing to let you come or making you come so many times that you start shaking. it really depends on his mood.

he also has a thing for cockwarming + exhibitionism together. it's not uncommon for cyclonus or demolisher to go looking for megatron only to see him on his throne, with you seated on his spike but being unable to move. he likes seeing the looks on their faces and the blush that spreads across your cheeks.

4 - dom. all the way. he doesn't submit to anyone, and that includes to you. he tried subbing once and hated it.

5 - without a doubt. it's more rare that he doesn't kiss with tongue, actually. he likes feeling just how small your mouth is against his, as odd as that sounds.

9 - he doesn't. why should he when he's got you right there? he doesn't need to use his imagination to get off when he has the real deal right there with him.

11 - megatron's a little weird with aftercare. he's not a fan of receiving it himself because... he's megatron. he can handle anything. he doesn't need to recover from something as simple as interfacing.

however, he is very aware that it takes more out of you, so he's willing to put a lot of effort into aftercare for you. he can't have his favorite little toy getting too tired on him, now can he?

15 - he's loud, but not in a screaming way. he's definitely a dirty talker, and he's absolutely a growler. he loves dirty talking right into your ear, figuring out what makes you squirm and whine, but he'll eventually start growling wordlessly as he gets closer to his own overload.

16 - so you know those things on the sides of his head? the sawtooth horns that look like stag beetle jaws? play with those. it'll have him purring like a giant kitty.

19 - he himself won't tolerate the idea of being tied up. he won't do it. you, however... remember when i said he can be mean during sex? double that if he decides to tie you up. he gets cruel, tormenting you by not letting you come and teasing you with the idea that he might just leave you there and let the other decepticons have their ways with you.

we both know he won't. he doesn't share. but that doesn't mean the idea of seeing you completely fucked out doesn't turn him on like crazy.

[rockwgooglyeyes]

It's been over a month, but I’m back to talk about reincarnation AU:

We haven’t talked about the setting of this AU, but I’m thinking of just putting the characters in a world like ours so that they can process what has happened to them in their previous lives away from the Segyein and what they put them through.

Previously you brought up the idea of Till running away from Ivan when he finally finds him because he doesn’t want to intrude on Ivan’s new life. I like this idea, especially if Till has come to realize how much of Ivan's previous life revolved around him, so he’s like, “Even though I want closure, I would rather Ivan be happy this time around, even if that means we don’t resolve what happened between us before.” I think that would be an interesting development for him, especially if he started out his quest of trying to find Ivan headstrong and maybe even a bit mad at him. Of course Ivan goes and confronts him, though. He’s been making sure that he’s out of Till’s way this time around, so there's no way Till being here is a coincidence.

The dynamic gets turned on its head like you said before, with Till trying to leave Ivan alone because he thinks Ivan is trying to move on completely from his past life and Ivan trying to get to Till because he thinks Till wants closure for what happened between them (although his idea of closure isn’t Till trying again with him but instead Till cutting the tie between them properly instead of the avoiding Ivan’s been doing).

After they reconcile and Till makes it clear that he’s missed Ivan and has always cared about him, Ivan starts trying to go back to his old ways or, more accurately, tries to be more like the person he was before.

He doesn’t like his old self. He doesn’t really like himself now either, but he definitely doesn’t like his old self. But still he tries to go back because he feels guilty about not being the person Till’s been looking for all this time. He very much still is the same person and knows that in a self-hating kind of way, but also he thinks he’s changed too much from who Till remembered him being, and he doesn’t want to disappoint him.

Ivan’s goal up until Till came back into his life (besides avoiding him) has been to live as comfortably as he can, but he’s willing to trade that away to be the person Till needs/wants him to be. Till’s always known him to have short hair, so he’ll cut it! (He likes having his hair long.) Till thinks he should start singing again and even wants to perform together. Great! (He’s fine with singing, but he wouldn’t say he’s passionate about it.) He’ll even go back to that old awful schedule he had so he can try feeling like who was before!

Till will realize this eventually and confront him about it, and they’ll have to finally have that nice long talk about Ivan's willingness to throw his life away for Till (Till probably tried to have this talk with Ivan when they first met again, but Ivan can be very stubborn, so they probably didn’t get far with it).

Geo oh my god Geo I am so sorry it has taken me this long to get to this, life was just very hectic for me the last few weeks and this slipped my mind :(. I definitely agree on the idea of them being reincarnated into a more "modern" world, or a world that's akin to ours, simply for the ease of plotting and distilling their experiences down into something more translatable to the story we're trying to tell :D

The idea of TIll seeking out Ivan and then backing off after realizing that Ivan's life used to only be about Till, more or less, and this time around, Ivan has a life outside of him and Till is thoughtful enough to not want to mess that up, I love that because it shows a kind of depth to his character that doesn't really get touched on that often, I think. Additionally, since you mentioned Ivan being the one to choose to confront Till in the end, it does put the ball back in Ivan's court and gives him the ability to choose whether or not he wants Till back in his life, even though he was originally self-isolating for Till's sake.

Man oh man . . . Ivan giving his life up for Till despite living comfortably and while he wasn't happy before Till arrived per se, he wasn't miserable, and he makes himself miserable by drowning in the past, for the sake of being the person that he thinks Till wants him to be. It's funny I was actually thinking about this kind of concept last night, Ivan giving up all of these things for Till without ever asking Till if he even wants them, Till not realizing at first what's happening but once he does, he's horrified (specifically was inspired by the song Two by Sleeping at Last, "I just want to build you up, build you up, 'til you're good as new, and maybe I'll get around to fixing myself, too.") Till doesn't strike me as the type of person who would even think to try and change himself completely for another person, not necessarily because he's uncompromising (like he might try to grow/change a little bit for someone he loved) but more because I don't think he would view changing himself for someone as something that you would do out of love? Like he never tries to change for Mizi or become more palatable for her, nor does he do that for Ivan. He subtly changes, adapting to them, but that's subconscious rather than Ivan's conscious adjustment.

To be honest I think Till confronting Ivan about him changing himself for Till (to his own detriment) would honestly be a good chance for Till to be like "I sought you out because you were the guy I remembered but I stuck around because you're Ivan and I want you in my life" or something along those lines, especially because Ivan was changing to be like the person from the past, whereas Till isn't really *as* fixated on the past (just, like, as a person) and he's probably more confused as to why Ivan would try to change to be like the version of him from the past at all. But I dunno fully, it's one of those difficult things where I do feel like Till would have to corner Ivan/force him to talk about it because Ivan wouldn't talk about it willingly lmao

I adore the way you touched on Ivan's self loathing and how he would be like "I'm too much the same person (in a bad way) but I'm not enough of the person he remembers so I have to change myself" which is just so utterly Ivan that it fuckin hurts, as well as the parts where you note on the things that Till thinks are innocuous requests but Ivan takes as pledges, promises, things that he needs to "fix" about himself so that he can make Till happy OUGH gets me in deep in there like ouch owie my bones goddamn

[sqrkyclean]

ok heres the first quarter of it

Dissociative amnesia.

That’s what his therapist had said. Dissociative amnesia. Something about complex ptsd and adaptive survival methods.

It had taken years for Timmy Turner to eventually agree to seeing a therapist at all. There had been a lot more stigma around the idea back in the day— that it was something only crazy people needed to do. And he wasn’t crazy, he just…

Dissociative amnesia. 

Derealization. 

Complex PTSD.

There were all these new buzzwords in his head. They were supposed to mean something, supposed to mean that there was hope for him to get better, to feel… different from the way the last twenty years had felt. 

“And how have the last twenty years felt, Tim?”

His therapist, a younger-than-him blonde woman, fresh out of college. She always liked using his name, and she always had this… oddly casual way about her. She was the fifth therapist he had tried talking to, and honestly, it was going better than it had gone with any of the quacks he had seen before her. 

“Like… It’s… y’know the feeling when you’re watching a movie, and you recognize an actor, but you can't remember his name? Like, you know you’ve seen the guy before, but you can’t put… words to it. And no matter how hard you try to focus, it feels like it keeps getting further away?”

He made illustrative hand gestures, unable to look her in the eye as he rambled. 

“I’m… familiar,” she nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”

“It’s kinda like that, but— but that’s what it feels like whenever I try to think about where my life is supposed to be going. What I’m supposed to be doing,” Tim gestured vaguely. “Like there’s this big piece of everything that I can’t quite…”

He sighed, leaning back on the sofa. As much as he liked her as a therapist, her office layout was awkward. She would sit at her desk with her back to the laptop placed on top of it, facing towards the sofa. It made everything feel… lopsided.

“That makes sense,” she nodded, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward. “You went through a lot of traumatic stuff as a kid. A lot of the time, when we spend so long in survival mode, once we get out of those situations it feels like you either need to keep being in fight-or-flight, or you end up kind of… listless.”

“Listless,” Timmy nodded. “That’s one way to put it, yeah.”

“Do you ever feel like… the opposite of that?” She tilted her head at him. “Like you know exactly what you want, and exactly how to get it.”

Timmy opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but then it just… fizzled out. “I—... I don’t… know.”

“What did you do as a kid that made you feel better when you felt out of place? I know your parents weren’t really an option.”

He tried to remember. He really, honestly did. There was that almost-memory sensation again, and then it was like it was swallowed up into the darkest corner of his mind.

Whenever he thought about this stuff, his head always went kind of… echoey. 

The synapses just wouldn’t connect, like a cord had been severed. Like he was going to sneeze but his body wouldn’t let him. Like his vision wouldn’t adjust. 

The silence was deafening. The absence of the memories that should have been there felt larger than anything real that he had left. 

“I’d… hang out with my friends? But then something… happened. I don’t know. I stopped seeing them, stopped hanging out with them. I guess it happened around the time I started 5th grade… A couple new kids joined my class halfway through the semester and…”

No, that wasn’t right. Was it? 

“You don’t have to remember all the details,” his therapist assured him, giving him a genuinely sympathetic smile. “What about now? Do you have any friends you can hang out with that might be able to give you some ideas?”

—

Remy Buxaplenty was doing pretty well, all things considered. His parents passed away and left him… everything. And he hadn’t run the family name into the ground yet, so that was nice.

does anybody wanna read my work in progress fairly oddparents fanfiction. its G rated and gen and about timmy coping with his lost memory as a 35 year old in therapy.

[moonlitlex]

honestly i could write essay after essay about everything that made that finale bad. and i will. however comma i genuinely do not care about any of these characters enough to want to do that. i don't want to spend my time critiquing and analysing a show where all the characters are boring and the plot is all deus ex machina.

LIKE. WHO IS RUBY. WHO IS SHE. WHO FUCKING IS SHE.

she's done with the whole SEASON. she was in EVERY episode. and we literally don't know anything about her apart from the whole mom mystery thing which is all for the big reveal at the end anyway?

and i can talk about the ways in which that was unsatisfying and so on. but like what does that tell us about RUBY? what do we know about HER

and the answer is honestly very little. ruby is such a stock doctor who companion that it's just kind of boring. she gets a big mystery, because of fucking course she does, and who is she outside of that? nice?? sweet?? does as she's told?? (this one is fucking boring btw) kind of like the chibnall companions, she's whoever she needs to be for the situation at hand. the writers say ruby needs to be shocked by landing on a planet after 6 months of travelling with the doctor, so she is. she isn't a person. she has one desire, which is to find her mother, and the only reason she gets to have that is that rtd needs to set up whatever the fuck was going on with her mom for the finale. that's it.

and the doctor. like why should we care about this doctor specifically, outside of the fact that this is the character we have been following for the whole show? who is he??? like seriously who is he? he doesn't get any character development? what makes him different from other doctors? who the fuck is this guy????

i said earlier that ncuti's doctor is what you get when you throw all the doctors in a blender and i stand by that. he's definitely the doctor, but he's like an average of all the other doctors with nothing particularly unique or special about him. ruby is what you get when you throw all the companions in a blender. definitely a companion, with nothing unique or special about her either. much like chibnall's companions, all she gets to do is stand around and watch.

and the crucial missing factor is we don't get to see what they see in each other. which from the companion's perspective is still excusable because here's a dude with a spaceship time machine and that sounds kind of sick so lets go and travel with him is an understandable motivation. but what does he see in her? because there's always a moment where you can see the doctor sort of think, oh yeah, i should travel with this person.

but there isn't really this moment with ruby. it's kind of like with how thirteen meets her companions. she just sort of runs into them, and now they're stuck together. and ncuti does get to emote more than jodie, so at least you can see that ruby and the doctor do like each other, but their relationship isn't really fleshed out ever. and like i can buy ruby risking her life for him, because that is just sort of what happens on doctor who, but it's not based on anything. we don't see them develop this trust of each other. their relationship doesn't get developed. it just appears fully formed.