#I feel like I learnt more about how to be financially responsible by seeing the stupid ass decisions they make than I would have by being

[imfailingmyacademics]

My device died before I could finish isatttt it is unfixable. Despair all around

(honestly what was I doing running a game like that on such an old device it literally looked broken inside when my dad popped this lid thing off Allah knows what is called in English. Why did he give me this thing to use. I want a laptoppp)

[tarotofhope]

PAC: 「What's your working style?」

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

Pile 1

Cards: The Devil, The Star, Death, The Empress Reversed, Wheel of Fortune and The Magician.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. You are married to your work and you're a hard worker. You're very goal oriented and ambitious. Whatever you're working towards is not only work for you but much greater than that. Your work is your passion, your religion, your God. You even have good leadership qualities. You know how to give and earn respect. Even when you guys retire, you would still do some or the other thing as work. You just can't sit idle. You value money and you use your money wisely. I can also see one more thing here, you guys have this drive for becoming something in this world, doing something effective, having an impact, leaving a legacy. You guys are like a magnet for power and money just because you have a strong drive for work and you strive hard to achieve your goals. For a few of you, this could be the case that you had to take responsibilities at an early age because one of your parent passed away or you were stripped off of your financial support by your parents/guardian. You have good businessmanship and a lot of creative abilities. You want to become independent in your life and stand on your own two feet.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1. Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 2

Cards: Queen of Swords, The Hermit, The Tower, The Fool, Ace of Pentacles and 9 of Pentacles.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. You do your own thing and you don't like to follow any set rules or regulations. You might appear cold and tough and you somehow also know how to get other people to work for you if you want to. You have a lot of experience in life and you could be a street smart too. There could be a phase in your life(this could be your past, present or future because many people are reading this) where you had a huge financial loss and then you had to start from scratch and earn for your living and then become financially stable and satisfied. Yes, financial stability and satisfaction with material possessions is there but it will come after a lot of struggle. Whatever I said in the starting 2-3 sentences about your nature of work could be something which came after your struggle. You have learnt a lot from your struggles and that has shaped you the way you are. You are someone who would take the leap of faith, manifest a tower moment(sudden and drastic ups and downs) so that change can enter your life. You are not afraid of changes, you invite them..😉

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2. Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 3

Cards: The Hierophant, Temperance, 5 of Swords, 7 of Wands, King of Cups and Knight of Wands.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. You have a great desire to follow your passion or maybe you wish you had more talents and choices in your life because you look stuck in a traditional work environment. You think you'd have your own working style if you had the opportunity to work on your own but somehow you're trapped in a normal office type job or traditional work style where there is less to no scope for creativity and personal growth and you have to follow certain rules and fulfil certain criterias. Maybe you feel stuck in a boring 9 to 5 job. This is also because of necessity, you need to pay bills and this and that, so what else you could have done? But there is this strong desire to do your dream job which is not like your normal office job. Either you are doing something as a side hustle but you earn very little from it and you want to make big in it but you also have a main job which gives you good enough money to pay your bills but you're not happy with it. There's this constant struggle to strike a balance. You don't get much time with your family due to this job and also very less holidays/vacations. There's a lot of judgement and competition at your workplace, ranks, scores and a hierarchical management which you're tired of. You don't want any of this. You want to reach at a level where you're emotionally satisfied in your work, where there is less stress and pressure.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3. Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 4

Cards: The High Priestess, The Sun, Page of Swords, The Magician, Empress and Knight of Cups.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. Looks like you're doing what your heart desires and something which pile 3 dreams of. You're very fortunate and blessed, pile 4. Your job has that proper balance of work and relaxation, work and creativity. I'm not saying that your job is easy or you don't work hard or work enough, it's just that your work is so full of creativity and enjoyment that you'd happily put more hard work in it. You'd happily and willingly struggle in it. You might feel very independent and free because of your work. You might also be very protective of your job, I mean to say that people get jealous of your job easily, whether or not you earn much from it, whether or not you're successful in it, I can see that people just couldn't digest your enjoyment and excitement which is associated with your work because they don't get to do the same. So, you could be wearing some evil eye protection talisman or bracelet/ring. The best part of your job is that you don't have to follow strict rules and regulations, you're mostly free to do your own thing. You could be into creative fields of work and you're doing this because people are known by the kind of job they're into and you want to attract like-minded people or you want to help other people who are less fortunate in regards to creative work.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4. Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 5

Cards: 9 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles, King of Wands, King of Pentacles, King of Cups and 6 of Pentacles.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. You could be into service related jobs mostly which involves doing a lot of charity and helping the needy. You don't want to see people struggling like you did in your past. Your job gets a lot of criticism by people because maybe you get to earn very little from it or because people don't understand your job, but you're happy and people don't see this. For some of you, this work could make you successful in future but it's a very slow and steady process so again people don't see any value in your work. You might be doing something unconventional and different, so you might not be supported at home too, so you're very protective of this job. Whatever you're doing is either within a community or a one man show, nothing in between. You serve a variety of people/customers involving foreigners too. You're very satisfied and content with this job and nobody can change your mind with their worldly philosophies. There is 9 of pentacles after the 9 of swords which can indicate that you got this job after a lot of struggle and bad experiences, this could be something very unattainable to you earlier, but you fought for it, worked hard for it and now you're not going to leave it. Maybe you're constantly trying to prove your worth and the value of your work, pile 5. You don't have to. The right people will admire you for your work and will also understand and respect your work choice.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5. Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

——————————— ♡ ♡ ♡ ———————————

[medinarea]

The State of My Mental Health

The State of My Mental Health

By:  Reabelle Medina

Every day is distinctive. There is always something new. Our day varies depending on how we're feeling, just as our mental health isn't constantly in good shape. We may feel happy one day, then depressed the next. Every day, we can be both active and inactive.

So, how is my mental health in relation to many aspects of my life?

My mental health has been in a completely different place now than it was perhaps when I was younger. I can now perceive the differences and changes as an adult. Time flies by so quickly now. Back when I was a child, all I wanted to do was play with my friends and classmates. I love asking my parents to get anything I desire in order to make me happy. Before, it sounded like my life's slogan was "enjoying, happiness, and taking time." Every day after school, all I want to do is play in the rain and on the playground using the Chinese garter, hula hoop, and other games.

See? Being a child simply means living a simple, pleasant existence without any difficulties, excess thought, or heartbreaks.

But now that I'm an adult, I can definitely see how things have changed. To put it another way, I can now see everything, which is what we call reality. Now that I've defined it, I can say that life is both magical and unpredictable. Magical because we are here to discover the world. Life can be really challenging, and now that I'm an adult, I feel that there are many things that need to be done and problems that need to be resolved. Our entire attention is devoted to making plans to accomplish and sustain a goal.

The more we get older, the more the responsibilities we need to take. As of now, my mental health rates are about 8 out of 10.

Why?

            It's because I've recently been aware of several things I need to do. Particularly in my case, since I was raised alone without parents. In order for me to graduate from college and earn a degree that will aid in my achievement, I really need to concentrate on my academic work. So that I may assist my siblings with their financial security and better enable them to continue and finish their studies. This puts pressure on me, which is why I always overthink and wonder what my life will be like in the future. Will I make it out alive? Am I capable of overcoming all the difficulties I currently face?

So, how am I feeling mentally?

 It can be both good and awful at times, but I can only say that I always learnt something new every day. I am stronger to continue living thanks to my current sufferings. These days, show me how to control my emotions and sentiments so that I can keep pursuing my goals and desires in life. My mental health, which occasionally has me on the verge of tears, inspires me every day. The phrase "There is always a light at the end of the tunnel" is one piece of advice for this generation. Crying out of pain is not a sign of weakness. Your daily efforts to get stronger will be your weapon in the struggles that will inevitably come into your life. 

#BLOGno.2

[moonkisseddelight]

Jungwon's relation with members and how he feels as a leader

*I'm a beginner in tarot and still learning. Please take this reading as a grain of salt. For entertainment purposes only. No hate towards the artist. Hope you enjoy💕❤️

JUNGWON-HEESEUNG

He feels like they're close friends and he can always share his feelings/thoughts to his hyung. At times he may hold himself back from doing so, and its probably because of age gap. He feels sometimes like Heeseung isn't really good at handling finances and he needs to start doing it. He sees Heeseung as a powerful and successful individual and he really admires that a lot. I think he feels like both of them don't communicate a lot and if they keep doing so, it might lead to a lot of misunderstandings. He views Heeseung as someone who is a bit indecisive and get stressed easily.

JUNGWON-JAY

They're besties✨ He feels like both of them get along very well. He feels like Jay should start saving (lol, Jungwon is all about savings😂). He feels like Jay has this immense thirst of knowledge and he really like that. He feels like at times Jay stresses out while at work but at the same time works well under pressure/stress. He feels like Jay is bossy and expects everything to go his way and this creates trouble/ problems in their friendship.

JUNGWON-JAKE

He's close to Jake, imo they're like the epitome of brother from another mother. I think Jake has impacted and influenced his life a lot as his hyung(ofc in a good way) and Jungwon really loves him for that. He feels like Jake is very very trustworthy and honest. He's learnt a lot of things from Jake and he's thankful for that( Now, I know why he chose Jake to be his dad in one of those variety shows🥺 ). He likes the way Jake is good with finances and hopes that he's like that always(lol, he's really a sucker for savings and we're here for it✨). In his opinion, Jake is very nurturing and has a motherly vibe to him.

JUNGWON-SUNGHOON

They're not really close but Jungwon wants to get to know Sunghoon more and become close with him. Again, our finance police(Jungwon) wants his hyung to be careful with his budget and expenses. He feels like Sunghoon needs mental stability and go out somewhere to feel better. He feels like once Sunghoon takes some time for himself out of his stressful life as an idol and mc, he'll be back to normal.

JUNGWON-SUNOO

He feels like Sunoo needs to walk away from things that are not good for him. He feels that just like Jay, Sunoo has immense thirst for knowledge too. In his opinion, Sunoo is 2nd person in En- who is responsible when it comes to money but at times strays away and might spend a lot more on something. He feels like Sunoo is a total romantic (not to mention that my dude is a cancer). And he cares a lot for people around him.

JUNGWON-NIKI

Now these two have a stable friendship, they give quality time to each other and make sure that they're always there for each other. He feels like he needs to take care of Niki as he's still naive and younger to him. Finance police loves how even though being a maknae, Niki is very good with money and handling finances.(*proudly claps with a smile*). He feels like Niki should talk to others about how he feels and be open about it, so that it doesn't cause misconceptions. He feels like Niki is still a kid and the job that he does is very stressful and it worries Jungwon a lot(Leadernim loves his maknae but doesn't let him know). *Sighs* we all know how much negativity Niki experiences even for the smallest things he does, and Jungwon really worries a lot for Nik and his mental health as he's still a kid.

Jungwon's feelings as a leader.

Honestly as much as our Wonie doesn't show it, he really gets stressed a lot as a leader. He feels very grateful for having such loyal and honest+caring people who are always there for him. My dude thinks that it's time for some of his members to be financially responsible and not really waste money on useless thing( afterall he's the finance police of En-). He feels emotionally attached and safe with his members almost as if they're his other family.

*Sobs tears*😭 Y'all I love Wonie sm. Like please give him an award for the best leader.❤️💖💗

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BEST LEADER JUNGWON🎉✨🥂🥺

[blzzrdstryr]

Midnight chatter

Yandere Diluc x gn!knight!reader

Wordcount: 2385

CW: Yandere, drugging, kidnapping

This was a third week after his return and fifth day of the tireless fight with winery work, when Diluc received an unexpected guest. During his travels across the world, the winery business fell into disrepair and almost collapsed, so once he learnt the state of the wine industry he decided to settle in his office and try to battle the endless reports about necessary expenses and small profits all on his own.

He started to work with the first rays of sunlight well into the night, squeezing every bit of energy his body had, not only because financial issues could affect him personally, but also because of the night vigilante of Mondstadt title he took upon himself.Due to the increased workload he couldn’t find time to patrol the dark streets and alleys of the city, while experience and conscience didn’t allow him to thrust the safety of ordinary citizens into the hands of bumbling, cowardly and lazy knights.

The day soon turned into the late evening, and dawn winery workers started to go home, when someone knocked on his door. It was Adelinde.

Her steps were faster than usual, her stoic face shadowed by the note of concern. Diluc wanted to say that no, he won’t go and have a rest, but she spoke first.

“Master Diluc”, she stopped before his desk: “we have a guest, a knight”.

He lifted his head shifting the eyes from the report to the head maid and pondered - despite his long absence, a lot of people in the city had a general idea how much he dislikes the Favonius Order and so a rare knight would actually dare to bother him, unless… Unless, they were acting out an order from someone high-ranking, like Jean or Varka for example.

Apprehension that his former colleague somehow learned of his nightly escapades sent an unexpected wave of shivers and vague feeling of unease, but he didn’t let it get to him.

“Ask why this knight is here and if it’s something unofficial tell them to leave”, he ordered, at which Adelinde blinked, slowly and tiredly, as if she was looking for the strength to tell something incredibly upsetting or scary.

“The thing is, master Diluc, that I already let them in”.

“Without my permission?”, his eyes widened at that, and the heart started to pick up the pace. What if this knight was really sent here by Varka or Jean? If it was true, Adelinde, unknowingly set him up to fail.

She was looking after him from his earliest childhood, so she was allowed to do and say more than any other of his staff, yet this perceived audacity was unheard of before.

“They were badly injured and said that they needed to stop for the night and once it’s over they will travel to the city with the first sun rays. We helped them to patch up their injuries and offered a room for guests, yet they declined and remained to sit on sofa”, the maid explained absolutely unfazed, after noticing Diluc’s dissatisfaction and then added : “If you are that displeased, master Diluc, I can tell this tired and battered knight to get out from here into the dark night”.

Her voice remained even and emotionless as usual, but even like that young Ragnvindr could hear a light mocking in her words. And to think about it - he got so freaked out over some silly coincidence - the knight stopped here because of the injuries, not some insidious scheme.

“Alright”, Diluc admitted defeat: “they can stay… and offer them some food and tea”, he added just as Adelinde’s hand touched the doorknob.

“Will be done”, she replied before exiting the office. The corners of her mouth slightly moved and crept upwards.

***

Despite his earlier goal of finishing as much work as he can, Diluc couldn’t do anything. Small digits and letters started to float and dance before his eyes while the long lines fused together, when he tried to analyze the state of wine business in naught. But the worst thing was the fact that his thoughts strayed to the topic of mystery knight again and again and Diluc lost count how many times he caught himself thinking who this person is.

He sat like that for a while, until the cinnabar of dying sky got replaced by the darkness and pleasant chill of the night.

Diluc scolded himself for his uncharacteristic indecisiveness, standing up from the desk and locking the office, when this thought, loud and persisting, knocked into his head again. Wouldn’t it be nice, he wondered, to learn who this night is, and finally decided. After all the thoughts about them pestered him for a long time.

Quietly and carefully walking through the unlit corridor of the winery, he confirmed that all servants and workers had already left for sleep, some into the rooms of the main building designated for them, some into the cabins around it. All in all, he was confident that there’s no one except him, the knight, Adelinde and a couple of other maids.

His steps were quiet and slow and not even a single board in the wooden floor creaked under his weight as he knew the winery like the back of his hand. With a bated breath he made his way downstairs, making out vague shapes of the familiar objects. Moonlight pouring out through the windows illuminated only the silhouettes, but even with that he quickly noticed the unknown frame.

The person was half-sitting half-lying on the sofa, and their sword and armor were placed nearby the furniture, reflecting the pale light of the moon. They weren’t moving, seemingly asleep. Diluc couldn’t make out their face even after making a coming closer, so he decided to take the risk and summoned a small wisp of flame.

The dancing light illuminated everything in a small radius and what he saw made him jolt and take a step back. You were the mystery knight.

Why are you still a knight? Where were you? Who injured you?

Still shocked by the previous revelation, Diluc accidentally knocked over the breastplate with his foot and it fell on it’s side with a loud thump.

You woke up.

“What… Who?”, you stirred and half sat on the elbow: “Ah, it’s you” and saw him :”What are you doing here?”.

Caught red handed, Diluc didn’t find any words - it was so sudden and unusual to be caught unaware, and because of that doubly unpleasant.

“This is my winery and I am free to do whatever I want”, he decided to hide the awkwardness behind the faux annoyance.

“Easy, easy” you half smiled, half yawned: “I just managed to fall asleep”. You yawned again and blinked at him with sleepy tired eyes.

“I have sleep medicine if you want some”

You got surprised and touched by his sudden responsiveness: “Thank you, but I think painkillers would be better. My body is aching and that’s the main problem”.

Maybe because of the trembling, dancing light or maybe because of the recent sleep you imagined worry and pity twisting his facial features.

“I have it too. Wait here”, he quickly replied and vanished into the dim darkness of the winery, not giving you any time to answer, as you were left to sit and wait for him. Diluc, to your own surprise, happened to be extremely stealthy, able to move without producing a single sound.

“Here”, you first heard and then saw him,as Diluc used pyro vision to light the nearby candlestick and then opened the medicine vial he brought and handed it to you: “Drink it all”.

“Thank you”, you whispered to him, taking the painkiller before making a big gulp. The taste was horrible, so horrible in fact that you almost immediately started to violently cough. Well, if it’s as effective as foul, then I will be good as new in no time, you thought to yourself, suppressing the urge to throw up.

Diluc stood nearby and observed your reaction, his hand extended on his own when the coughing started as he awkwardly tried to pat your back in the gesture of comfort. “I will be here with you until you fall asleep”, he stated once the fit stopped and then, seeing your highly raised brows explained further: “Painkiller takes time to work. Tell me if you won’t feel better”.

You nodded in response, and closed eyes, listening to the sensations of your body. Your injuries still burned and screamed and throbbed, yet a strange numb sensation started to slowly surround you. Just like Diluc said, medicine would need time to fully settle in.

“If you're here can you talk with me?”, you decided to shorten the time in conversation: “Ijust wanted to talk with you. For a really long time”.

“About what?”, he allowed himself a shadow of the smile, Diluc that you used to know peeking through the gloomy facade, like a long awaited sun or it’s reflection on the tranquil mirror of the water surface. Next words stuck in your throat, bitter and acidic and totally unfit, and you had to force them out through your own hesitance to destroy this calm.

“What happened that day? The day before you left. I asked Jean and Kaeya and other knights who were present with you, yet no one said anything”, the water surface bubbled and the visage of that old, sunny Ragnvindr shattered into thousand pieces. The person before you adopted the same cold facade of annoyance and indifference.

“Why do you need to know it?”, he answered the question with another question and you sensed barely buried hurt and grief.

“You leaving hurt. A lot”

“That’s why you are still a knight?”, you quickly nodded at that.

A minute passed by and he still stood, without saying a single word, thinking what to do. On one hand, he didn;t want to open up, the story of his eighteenth birthday was incredibly painful and personal experience to be shared so freely, on the other hand he yearned for your understanding.

"Alright", he broke the silence:"Let's make a deal, you answer my questions and I'll tell you the whole story after. Deal?"

"Deal".

Diluc looked at you again, looked at the bruises and cuts, still peeking through the bandages and for a second his mind lit up with one thought alone: what disgusting bastard did that to you. He suppressed the rapidly rising rage, deciding to start from the most important.

"Is my leave the only reason why you decided to stay?" his heart picks up the pace again, he needs to know the answer.

"Basically yes, you knownI didn’t do it for my parents… I just.. That tragedy, I know it's not my place, but… I always wanted what happened to you. I asked this question to myself everyday and night, and I missed you terribly".

His breath hitched and he lowered his gaze. For some reason you always managed to fluster him with the words alone, even if it wasn't your intention.

"Your parents must be happy", h e changed the topic, stifling the heat in his heart.

"Yeah, they're ecstatic that I stopped being difficult and made their aspirations real. Hm, do you have any other questions?"

"What happened to you? ",he pointed at the bandages covering most of your body.

"Ah, catching treasure hoarders does that to you, usual stuff", you dismissed his concerns and Diluc started seeing red from the way your voice remained so calm and unbothered. Usual stuff? Usual stuff?!

"Grandmaster could send anyone else", he snapped:"Favonius Order has more than plenty of vision holders, they should've sent one, instead of you! You could die!".

Diluc’s sudden explosion left you speechless, but soon your own weaved words of irritation:"Ordo Favonius doesn't consist of Jean and Kaeya only. We can't let them handle all the hard and dangerous business all the time. Ordinary people like me can still help, even if the gods didn’t favour us. Don't think of me as some helpless idiot just because I have no shiny vision to show off"

Your heated response seemed to work and Diluc turned red from embarrassment, realizing how annoyed you got, despite the worry for your health and still present anger at the other knights for letting you get hurt. He also didn’t like how you looked at him, reprimanding and disappointed.

"Alright, sorry", he cleared his throat:"where were you before? I haven't seen you anywhere"

"City gates aren't the only thing that needs guarding. I was sent to the Liyue border, to make sure that no treasure gang crosses it. I think I will get sent there again, once I fully recover".

Diluc got angry at that too, yet this time he suppressed unpleasant feelings, already knowing how you will rebuke and reprimand him again. There's no convincing to be done, as you won't change your opinion. You left him no choice for what he was going to do.

"Alright, you answered all my questions", he said before changing topic again:"Did painkillers start working? I have another".

Being so engrossed in the conversation you forgot about the ache, yet once he mentioned it your body started to hurt with a renewed strength.

"Yes, I would like one", you decided and Diluc vanished in the unlit hall yet again.

"Here", he handed the small bottle to you already opened. The new substance was different, sweet and viscous. You managed to take two sips before your eyelids started to feel up with lead, and soon even lifting a hand seemed like a highly arduous task. Whatever the thing that Diluc gave you wasn't a painkiller.

"What…", you uttered, before your body relaxed and you fell asleep once again. Diluc bent over, looming over your unconscious form, as his hands carefully took the bottle away. He didn’t want it to somehow fall and injure you

This is a necessary measure, Diluc assured himself, before making a plan of actions. He would need to fake your disappearance and forge enough leads to direct investigation into the completely opposite direction, but now he needed to wake Adelinde up and ask her to prepare the room in the basement. He didn't want you to be uncomfortable in your new home.

[starseed-twenty]

🌌Saturn in the Houses✨

Brief summary

Saturn is a planet, a generational planet, that rules structure, discipline, necessary limitations, responsibilities, lessons and karma. Some may describe it as malefic because of the rather 'negative' energy it gives off. Personally, I've grown to seen it as benefic because of the 'end-results' it aims to provide. Sure, it doesn't start off by being good to you and giving things to you nice and easy (like Jupiter does), however - it doesn't just give things bad and gloomy either. For one, it is trying to give you great lessons with the house it is in (by helping you to basically learn the right way and gain experience in the house) for you. And for two, while Jupiter gives an abundance, Saturn gives some restriction - helping you to be able to handle what goes on in the house its in. Because, as we know it, too much of a good thing can be bad. For example, Jupiter in 6th may mean a person finds it nice and easy to maintain work, planning, a schedule, time-management and maintaining a good body. Sweet, right? Well... this person can actually also overwork themselves sometimes, and be a little bit obsessed with their body too, and become critical of others because of their (the people's) work & planning, since they (the person) know how to maintains theirs. So... 😬 Jupiter isn't completely a good planet, and Saturn isn't completely a bad planet either. In a lowkey way, they're Yin & Yang. There's a bit of good in Saturn, in the same way there's a bit of bad in Jupiter too. Now... On to individual houses.

- This can also apply to transits -

🌌 1st House :

You may experience issues with the way you see yourself, your life and perhaps the way people perceive you. You feel like they have constantly either made fun of you or said inappropriate, harsh things, or they see you in a way you don't see yourself. Or even other times, you feel like you've done or said the wrong things, or live life in a bad way because it's not the 'normal' way people live, leading you to become critical with yourself. So you may be fighting some battles internally at times. On the other hand... The good news is that this does not last forever. As much as you feel like it does. Because as you grow, somehow you find yourself becoming more confident, more happier and feeling not the need to prove yourself to anyone and anything anymore. So, with time, Saturn teaches you how to be good to yourself and do good for yourself.

🌌 2nd House : 

You may experience a lot of financial issues (money, savings, material gain/possessions and assets), as well as issues of self-worth, values and resources. These could be in the form of you struggling to have a proper income or money seeming to be a scarce resource for you. You may also even find it hard to save or invest at first. For example, you try to save or invest, but the money has to go somewhere else or it turned out to be a scam. Additionally, you struggle internally as well. Your sense of self-worth or self-esteem fluctuates quite often, but most of the time it's lower than normal and this is because Saturn makes it hard to see/have value in not only capital gains, but yourself too. The lesson for you in this life is to learn how to comprehend value in tangible things as well as your self-worth the right way so as you do not take these for granted. So, the good news is that as time goes, you will be able to accumulate (a huge chunk 😉 of) these gains, and appreciate yourself more than you ever have.

🌌 3rd House : 

You may experience issues with communication and learning, or speaking and being listened to, or with technology/media. This means it can sometimes be a struggle for you to communicate efficiently/assertively at times, or there can be tension when you voice out your opinion. You may also struggle with having a bad rep when it comes to the media and technological things. People may come at you negatively a lot or they just do not understand you at times and think you're rather odd. Saturn in this house tries teach you to appreciate the art of proper communication and being educated (even though it can be through difficulty). So additionally, you can struggle with learning too, whether it's education (school) or work/training. It takes a long minute for you to get it. But the good news... you eventually do. And when you do it's close to perfect. Also, with time, people really understand your ways of communication and perhaps even love it.

🌌 4th House : 

You may experience issues with foundations (starting up anything), family, home/internal environment and ancestral roots. For example, you just happen to keep struggling when it comes to starting up your own little business or form of income (a blog, YT channel, mini job, etc.) and so there's always a delay or it doesn't turn out the way you thought it would. You may also have problems with your family or home environment more often than normal, something that they do that upsets or has upset you or something you do that upsets them and so it raises conflict between you quite often. But, the good news.... eventually, the issues will die down with effective communication and healing, and the bond will become even closer. Or, that foundation for that business/income will eventually be properly set up and exceed your expectations.

🌌 5th House : 

You may experience issues when it comes to your peers/friends or the people you vibe with (short-term dating), creative endeavours, children or maintaining hobbies. One or more of these is not something you find easy to connect with. For example, the people you get to know or start to vibe with may eventually start acting weird or the connection between you guys doesn't end up the way you thought it would. Additionally, your friends or peers are people who may not understand you at times... so getting along with people at first can be hard. As well as some creative endeavours, such as finding it within you to do artsy stuff or going bold with themes, colours, words, etc. The good news though... is that as time goes, you surpass the need to understand why this is and be hurt by it, but simply love your inner-self more, until  good people, friends and lovers start gravitating towards you. You also start to connect with your creative side, hobbies, and children more.

🌌 6th House : 

You may experience issues with time management and planning. You find yourself either being too early or too late for something, for example; an appointment, an event, or a project due. This (issue with time management) may also manifest into you struggling with completing tasks a lot of the time. But this may be more when you’re just growing up rather than when you’re older and have established the ability to take control of your time and complete tasks. You may also experience issues with your diet or body's health, so you may be someone who either eats too much or doesn't eat enough, or having some kind of body condition. But the good news... the problems do eventually fade away. You will find yourself loving your body and being content with your state. Plus, you eventually perfect the skill of  planning and time-management (with much discipline unfortunately).

🌌 7th House : 

You may experience issues with people around you, or partnerships you're involved in. For example, people seemingly going behind your back or treating you weird even though don't really do bad to them. People just suddenly find a way to be weird and take your kindness for an advantage, which then makes you have rocky relationships with them. As well as with relationships or partnerships, you can sort of struggle with the people you're in these with. They may hurt you or do something shady and you don't even understand why. But, on a brighter side... you do eventually find the right people and right someone who will do very good by you and it will end there. You'll never be hurt again. They will give the perfect love, respect and kindness you deserve. But only after you've learnt the lesson of not trusting too easy.

🌌 8th House : 

You may experience issues with either death, sex/sexuality, changes or transformations, or debt. Or maybe even all. This house is a rather sad one to have Saturn in unfortunately, because a lot of people I know who have this particular placement may feel or see life in a gloomy state, but they do try their best to have hope it gets better. But overall, the issues they encounter may feel like burdens a lot of the time. Such as, for example, their sexuality. They may be surrounded  by homophobic people, whereas their sexuality is one they are still trying to define properly because they can be stuck in being open about who they really are. Or, another example: people who have debt almost all their lives - or just something to owe (money, a job/task, an asset, etc.) because of the continuous struggles they go through. Good news though... is that this all ends eventually. They do find ways or fall on to paths that make it easier for them to live comfortably and not stress too much anymore. And when they do, they become way more optimistic about life.

🌌 9th House : 

You may experience issues with higher learning/knowledge, travelling or long journeys, foreign lands, or law & religion. This may be in ways where you don't connect with other, different cultures, religious endeavours or laws easily. You may have your own interpretations or understandings and they perhaps don't agree with these. Also, travelling far or going to 'exotic'/foreign places does become weird for you, or you don't get to do it as much as you've wanted to. And (this one may be random), you could experience issues with getting taught or finding the right teachers. You're keen on learning, but getting the right understandings doesn't happen the way you thought it would. However, in due time, you do become set on getting the right knowledge and perfect understanding on things (including cultures, religions, laws, etc.) and find yourself in tune with long journeys and exotic places.

🌌 10th House : 

You may experience issues with your public image/status, career, how you work, what we are working/have worked towards and long-term goals. So, you see how the 4th house (opposite house) is about foundations, developments, and the home environment... The 10th house is more or less the opposite of that; the external/public environment and successes through developments & foundations. Having Saturn in this house can then mean you struggle seeing your successes and end-results of your foundations come to life the way you want to (at first), as well as your public image or reputation/status can fluctuate or you (or other people) tend to see it in a bad light. This is not the case for long though. As time goes, your 'tarnished' reputation starts to heal and people then see and admire your work and success. Greatly so, that you become almost iconic. You also eventually fall in love with your image too.

🌌 11th House : 

You may experience issues with the community or large masses, organizations, social groups, social media/technology, global connections and perhaps even successes in your hopes & dreams. So for quite a while, people as a collective may be quite disconnected with you and either radiate negative energy towards you or no energy at all, to which you don't understand because you don't really do anything too wrong and would like positivity. This can also be a time, if it's a transit, that a good reputation is something you have to work hard towards because people have seen you the wrong way for some or other reason.  At the same time, it can be a tad bit difficult for you shine through social settings, social groups, social media and technology the way you want to. Your hopes and wishes can be dimmed, though you keep attempting to let them shine. At the end of it though (as Saturn eventually provides structure), you start to align with these social endeavours, and your hopes & wishes do start to radiate greatly to the point of you looking pretty lucky.

🌌 12th House : 

You may experience issues with connections to the subconscious, spiritual gifts/dreams, fears, healing, confinement, as well as perhaps abandonment/imprisonment/isolation issues. Saturn in the 12th house usually breeds people who are pretty shy, isolated or have a bit of trust issues. They can also be people who grow up heavily be in tune with routines or organized things, structure and wanting to have (or focused on) clear understandings of things. If you have Saturn in this house, it can become really hard for you to understand the concept of hidden things, karma, intuition-based ideologies at first (though you do constantly try and makes sense of these). You can also be suffering from a bit of closure/healing, but it's also something you don't know how to make sense of. So you may be hurting a lot inside, but will try to avoid it or make it seem as though it's not deep. But what Saturn does at the end of it all is allow you to see light in healing, connecting with higher entities and spiritual guides and gaining closure for your mental and emotional health. So you suddenly find it easy to tap in to the subconscious and become almost a master at understanding spiritual endeavours.

Side-note : The weird thing (and perhaps even sad thing) I've noticed about Saturn though, is that it possesses some sort of energy that doesn't allow you to give up on the issues it provides. So, while you may feel like you struggle with these issues... you can't give in to not caring about them or brushing them under the carpet. They appear within a minute and you're lowkey addicted to trying to fix these issues. For example, a person with a Saturn in 12th house : They probably struggle with dreams, understanding things beyond reality, spirituality, healing and all things subconscious. However, they simply find themselves always wondering about this whole 'spirituality' thing and trying their best to understand it. So while they may avoid it because of the huge struggle that comes with it, they revert back to trying to dream a bit more, heal, be in touch with spirituality, etc. Until eventually, they get it so right that they're lowkey experts.

💖💖💖

[nooramoontarot]

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓪 𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓮 : 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝔀?🌙

🍄 helloooo my lovelies!🤍 This reading will be about any messages that you need to know right now. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. This is my first pick a pile reading so any feedback or suggestions for future pick a pile readings are welcome! 🍄

DISCLAIMER

my readings are for entertainment purposes only. Therefore, they DO NOT replace any professional legal/financial advise and medical advice/diagnosis. Therefore, you are responsible for any decision as a result. Also use your discernment and judgment when receiving the reading and use that to take what resonates. Remember, you have free will and can change and chose what happens therefore nothing is set in stone in these readings if you don't want it to. I will do my very best to give an honest reading therefore, I do please ask you to keep an open mind when receiving the reading. Thank you

decks used:

- neo tarot deck- Jerico Mandybur

- rebel oracle deck

-moonology oracle deck - Yasmin Boland

- the sacred self- care oracle deck- Jill Pyle

- the answer is simple oracle deck- Sonia Choquette

Take a few deep breaths in and pick a pileeee trust your intuition🌙

Pile 1 🌙

- 4 of pentacles, 6 of pentacles, page of wands, strength reversed bottom deck

- give more, eat your fucking vegetables/ eat some shit made by Mother Nature, balance spirituality and practicality/full moon in pisces, deep breathing, clear the space,

pile 1 it's time to start more energy into yourself. I see here that you may have been working hard towards something like a project, but you need to balance out your energy. I feel like you need a well deserved break lovely as I see that working hard has maybe made feel a bit heavier or you may feel that if you continue to work work work and not put energy into yourself aswell, you may become burnt out. I see here that the reason you work so hard may be because you are trying your hardest to build stability and have that structure. You may feel that if you slow down right now, you may be unstable. But don't worry love, you will get that stability that you crave even if you take time out for yourself. The key thing here is balance. Maybe make a schedule and make sure to plan in some time for yourself where you can just relax and ground yourself. I just got the intuitive message of carnelian. So maybe getting this stone or working on your sacral chakra can help ground yourself a bit more. Tapping into your creative energy can help also. The main theme here is to balance spirituality and practicality.

additional messages: eating vegetables, deep breathing, clean your space, drink tea, eat vegetables

signs: dominantly earth- Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn and a bit of fire- Aires, Leo, Sagittarius, also maybe a bit of Cancer and Gemini, Mars energy

Pile 2 🌜

- queen of cups, king of wands, 2 of wands reversed, 8 of pentacles bottom deck

- oracle cards: reach out, it's not everybody's fault-it's yours/ you are a grown ass adult stop blaming others for your shit, nothing is yet set in stone/mutable moon, abundance planning.

whewww pile 2 your energy is overwhelming. As I shuffling the cards, my throat immediately started feeling tight like when you're trying to hold in tears. So straight away there is a strong message of the need of communication. What I'm getting here is that you may be wanting to reconcile with someone. There's a strong energy here of needing to right some wrongs and honestly this energy can come from either your person or you. I'm getting a sense here that someone has messed up in the past and has really hurt someone by their actions. But I see that the person who messed up is really trying hard to fix their mistakes. They want to take action in gaining forgiveness from the other person as they've finally learnt how to deal with their emotions. I see that this person has really working on inner alignment here. But the thing is I see the other person who got hurt being quite cautious and not rushing into forgiving the person who messed up. This may come across as there would be no hope in reaching closure and forgiveness. The person who is owed forgiveness has every right to accept or reject the peace offering and they may need time to think it through. I see that the main way that this can be sorted out is through communication and listening and ACKNOWLEDGING each others feelings. If you are the person who is wronged, know that your emotions and feelings are valid. Go with what your intuition tells you and whatever decision you make is valid, but I do see that the person who wronged you has changed and has true intentions in bringing closure. So if you want to give them a chance. For those of you who are the ones who messed up, I see that you have really grown from the situation but you MUST give the other person time and space to process their emotions. All in all, the overall message is that communication will definitely help to bring closure to this situation love.

additional messages: active listening, time, healing

signs: strong fire energy- Aires, Leo, Sagittarius and some water energy CANCER, Pisces, Scorpio. A bit of mutable energy too.

Pile 3 🌕

- the emperor, 5 of cups reversed, 6 of wands, the sun bottom deck

- oracle cards: Spread the light, be fucking grateful/shit could be so much worse, it's time to release negativity/ full moon in scorpio, connect with fire

oh pile 3 I just want to say I am so so so PROUD OF YOU!!!! I see that you have been working really hard on letting go of things that are no longer serving you. I see that you've been really releasing negative aspects of your life and I see you really becoming the best version of yourself! look at you! I get the sense that you HEAVILY protected by your spiritual team and I get a sense of pride coming from them. They're really proud of you and the work that you've been doing. Just carry on working through your fears and releasing negativity/negative thoughts and being more in the energy of light. I see that through this work you have found a new sense of security within yourself. You're becoming so stable that when adversities come your way, you're very much in that energy of "bring it on". You know within yourself that you have the strength to pull through which is so amazing my love like wow. I get such a strong sense of victory in your inner journey and just lots of light and joy. Remember to keep being grateful and thankful. There's really not much else to say here just keep being the amazing being that you are!

additional messages: bonfire with friends, laughter, being more social, HYDRATE, eating vegetables.

Signs: LEO,CAPRICORN, water signs- Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio, Aries, Sagittarius, Virgo/ Mercury energy.

Pile 4 🌝

- 8 of wands reversed, 7 of swords, 7 of cups reversed, 8 of swords bottom deck

- oracle cards: let go and flow, some good shit is about to happen/don't let your issues fuck it up, bring love into the situation, write a gratitude list.

pile 4 I see here that you may have been waiting for a few manifestations/things to come in for a VERY long time and all of a sudden, all these options/manifestations have come through and you are struggling to manage them. If you are not already in this energy you may be in the energy in the future, but I get that most of you are already in this energy. I see that what has brought all these manifestations in for you, is that you have worked on your self-limitng beliefs and negative thoughts. You have opened up to new perspectives and have acted strategically in working towards your goals. Now that you have all these options, the best way to manage them is by continuing to act strategically but with your intuition. Use your intuition to select through these options and it will guide you and help mamange you. I'm also getting the message from your spiritual team saying " we're here too!" so call on them if you need more help. Enjoy your abundance and be grateful for what has come in for you and what will come in for you in the future. You are worthy of everything that has/will come in for you so don't feel guilty about having them! Be in the present moment of gratitude and you'll be a magnet to gaining more abundance. go you!

additional messages: celebration, champagne, master manifestor, "cheers!"

signs: air energy- Gemini, Libra, Aquarius,Scorpio or some water element,Aires, Saturn/Venus energy/placements.

thank you so much for tuning into this reading! I really hope that it has resonated and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day! 🤍🤍🤍

Love and light,

N 🌙

[oatmilkovich]

not sure if you've shared your acting thoughts on j.a.w. but would love to hear if you have any stand-out moments. it keeps hitting me what a powerhouse he is and his arc (and especially the incredible power of his scenes with emmy) pretty much singlehandedly kept me watching through seasons 6-8 when a lot of other storylines dragged on! i'm still happy with the show in a post-fiona world but i really miss the lip and fiona dynamic as it really felt like the backbone of the show and the gallagher family!

hey! <3

you sent this weeks ago and i am profusely sorry about that. i haven’t talked about jeremy yet but since it was lip love hours on the dash today, i decided to have a crack at it. lip’s storyline has definitely been the most consistent and solid throughout the entire show – there’s never really a time i don’t enjoy watching his scenes (though i do find it difficult to watch the helene sl in s6). he and emmy consistently worked phenomenally off one another and though i really miss emmy now, i do think we need to hand it to jaw and his contribution to carrying the show for it’s run. 

there’s a lot I could talk about with jeremy’s work so i’ve had to pick a couple of my favourite things for today, otherwise i’d be writing for hours. discussion under the cut! 

remember: this is all my opinion! i’m just an unemployed actor in a pandemic. 

one of my ultimate favourite things about jeremy’s performance is the way he approaches lip’s monologues. in my personal opinion as an actor, monologues fucking suck. they’re unnatural, difficult to pull off and so easily end up being a vehicle for the self indulgent actor to just hear their own voice. luckily for us, jaw manages to knock them out of the park every single time. the key to a successful monologue is a hell of a lot of prep work before hand – you’ve always got to remember that no one monologues and talks at a great interrupted length naturally, that’s just not how humans exist and interact in the world, so an actor always has to consider why their character continues talking and doesn’t stop after the first line. their objective for the scene – what they want to gain – has to be so solid, so vital to the actor/character that we believe they can’t stop talking until they achieve it. an objective is the only thing that drives dialogue forward – we only speak out loud because we want to achieve something. now, there’s an incredibly fine line between pushing to achieve your objective during a monologue and allowing the objective to push you. this is never a problem with jeremy’s work. 

a good objective goes hand in hand with how the lines of the monologue are delivered. every line a character speaks is new to them – the actor rehearses a line but the character doesn’t – each thought behind a line, even if it’s something they’ve thought about before, is new to them. when you’re working in a scene with another actor and trading dialogue, it’s easier for that new line of dialogue to feel more natural as a response to your partner – when you’re on your own in a monologue this can be a huge challenge. monologues are badly done when everything sounds rehearsed – you can tell when the actor isn’t working from moment to moment and is simply saying the lines they’ve learnt in a huge chunk. you don’t believe they’re speaking to achieve their objective, they’re simply speaking the lines on the page and probably are thinking about how good they sound. again, this is never a problem with jeremy’s work. 

now let’s look at this monologue from 5x08:

this is a really well done and subtle monologue on jeremy’s part – it’s one of my favourites and it does a really good job at highlighting how detailed and personalised his work is. before he even begins to speak, you can tell jeremy is prepared for the circumstances of scene. lip is completely riddled with tension – you can see it in the way he clenches his jaw and wipes his hands on his trousers – as an audience member, we already know there’s a hell of a lot on his plate. this monologue is a moment where he allows it all to bubble over. 

lip’s obviously trying to get some leeway on his college finances by explaining his situation to his adviser – perhaps that was jeremy’s objective (to achieve help with his finances) but as he continues talking, it morphs into really heartbreaking glimpse into lip’s pov of being the ‘golden goose’ of the family. it’s the first time we really hear his thoughts on ian’s diagnosis, monica’s illness and how guilty he feels every single day being away from his family. lip asking for a favour becomes less about financial help and even more so about being heard. he needs someone to understand and hear him out. to understand the heavy pressure he feels to achieve what everyone else expects of him. 

a monologue has a mini storyline arc within it and jeremy takes us on journey as we watch lip continue talking, continue exposing himself, putting himself in a horribly vulnerable position. he starts by easing himself in – cracking a joke about how they should get to know one another because he’ll be there a lot – but as soon as he starts going into detail about ian and why he needs an extension on payments, there’s a significant shift in jeremy’s delivery and lip’s relationship to how badly he needs this. jeremy allows himself to fully experience each thought before he delivers a line – he doesn't rush and allows moments to breathe. every single line he says, every single sibling or situation he mentions, we get a glimpse of his pov on the subject. these moments of pause allow lip’s journey throughout the speech to be so clear to us as audience members, there’s never a moment where a piece of dialogue feels delivered falsely or preplanned. jeremy doesn’t push to achieve anything and we follow lip throughout the speech on his journey without a clue where he’s going to end up. 

by the end of the monologue, lip’s desperation to be understood is clearer than ever. he’s panicking but jeremy never overplays it. even as it builds and he begins to visibly get more emotional with tears in his eyes, it never becomes a performance. jeremy always manages to get the balance right and it’s just a really, really beautiful reaction to his circumstances and truthful acting coming from the moment. it’s a huge deal to bare his heart like this to someone – a stranger at that – and jeremy manages to capture that vulnerable dent in lip’s pride perfectly. he’s not yelling, he’s not pulling his hair out, but we still completely understand why this is so important to him. although I'll never know how he actually prepares his work, his text work here is deeply personalised – you can tell jeremy has given lip’s pov a good thought. I believe him the entire way through, his objective is clear and whatever it was that jeremy decided to use worked perfectly for both his motivation and our belief. 

as someone who has shed a tear over performing many a monologue, he makes it seem so fucking effortless – i think that’s what really gets me. i’d love to see him do work on stage one day. as i said, there are about a million things I could talk about when it comes to jaw’s work on the show. this baaaaaarely even scratches the surface! I wanted to talk about another monologue here too, but i think this got long enough only talking about one! 

please always feel free to ask me about any specific moments if you have any pressing questions, i can’t promise i’ll get to it very quickly (i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry!) but i will always try.my inbox is always open for anything, acting or otherwise. it takes me a while, but I really, really do love talking about this stuff. 

thanks for reading! <3 

[silma-words]

14. “Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.” for adrian x mc?

N/A: Thank you for the prompt @detectivedumortain 😊 I don’t know if this is what you had in mind, but I hope you will like it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pairing: Adrian Raines x MC (Ellie)

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Alcohol consumption

Category: Random fluff

Summary: Bloodbound AU (after book 1 – the events of book 2 never happened) – While Ellie is gone out with her friends, Adrian receives a much unexpected message from her after she has had one too many drinks…

Inspired by prompt #14 from Prompt List #1: “Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.”

Words: 2450

**Disclaimer: Characters and background plot are the property of Pixelberry.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hangover

Adrian was lying lazily on his couch, nose buried deep in the folds of an old worn-out book, when a sound made him jump out of his concentration, drawing his attention to the phone lying face down on the coffee table. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes darting between the device and the page he very much wanted to keep exploring. When the ping was immediately followed by another four, he smiled fondly and dropped the book onto his lap, knowing with certainty who these texts would be from.

*You don’t know what you’re missing*

*Drop your boring book and join us*

*I promise you won’t regret it*

*They have that fancy whiskey you love, Macallan Sherry Oak*

*And play decent music that even you would approve of*

Her texts made him chuckle, secretly filling him with warmth knowing that she was thinking about him on her night out with Lily and a few of their friends. As much as Adrian wanted to spend all of his time with her if he could, he was convinced that they both needed some time for themselves once in a while. Especially when Ellie and Lily were planning to meet with some of their common friends, with whom it was always a little tricky to keep up appearances to make sure they did not find out about the vampire world.

Adrian was not a huge fan of texting, but he couldn’t leave her hanging. That, and he also did appreciate the chance to interact a little with her despite the distance.

*Macallan Sherry Oak, hum? Consider me impressed*

The fact that she remembered which whiskey his favourite was made him smile. She did not lie during her interview: she did have a great memory.

*Sounds tempting, but maybe another time? I feel that I’d enjoy this new bar way more with you alone*

Once he read over his text again, he worried for a second that it might have been a tad too blunt. He really needed to get a hand around these ‘emoji’ thingies, and start using those. It took a few minutes until the phone pinged again with her response.

*Is that a date then, Mr Raines?*

The winking smiley face ending her message eased his worries instantly. Another proof that emojis did actually have a purpose.

*Sure it is, Miss Reed*

His answer was met with a flurry of pictograms, making him smile brightly, before he drifted back to his reading, confident that Ellie would be soon too distracted by her friends to continue their exchange. And he was right. His phone remained awfully quiet for hours, letting him indulge in his ‘boring book’ (her words) and slowly doze off on the sofa.

When he eventually woke up from his unexpected nap, his attention was captured by the flickering light of his phone, indicating that he had missed a few notifications while he was out. A couple of work emails, a few newsflash from his financial news app, and... eleven text messages, and five missed calls. All from Ellie.

He raised up quickly to sit properly and open the messages, a ball forming in his throat at the idea that maybe something had happened. It wouldn’t be the first time. This woman had a talent for trouble. But his worries faded instantly upon browsing quickly over her texts, which were... nothing but a succession of random pictures of her evening, accompanied by random sentences full of typos. The series of text ended with a bunch of random fruit and veg emoji that Adrian was not quite sure how to interpret.

Adrian chortled at this. Well, the girls were having a good night by the looks of it!

Checking the timing of her missed calls, he saw that these had been only a few minutes apart, but that she had eventually left a couple of voice messages. He could not repress a laughter upon hearing her inebriated voice as he started listening to the first recording, nearly able to picture from her pitch the blissful smile that must have adorned her lips as she spoke.

*Hey, handsome! I guess you’re probably asleep or something but... huumm, I just wanted to hear your voice... because I... hum, well... I guess ‘cause I’m missing you like crazy right now and I wish you were here... although tis’ probably best you’re not, you’d probably be embarrassed of my sorry drunk ass right now but... aaarh, I guess I just wanted you to know that I miss you, even if I see you aaaalll the tiiiime and... aaarrg I probably shouldn’t say that... you’re goin’ to freak out and think I’m like some kind of overly needy panda bear clinging to your leg... oh god, why the hell am I sayin’ t...* /end of message/

Adrian’s smile was nearly reaching his ears by the time that first message was cut by the robotic voice, the corner of his eyes crinkled with amusement, but his eyes gleaming with warmth at the sound of Ellie’s declaration. The seconds he had to wait for the next voice message to play nearly seemed interminable.

*Hum, well... sorry about that... hum… right, hum… nevermind! Well, I should probably get going now and leave you to whatever your old ass is doin’ right now but… aaarh I guess I’ll see you soon at work on Monday anyway… or before if you want, or… but if you don’t that’s fine… aaarh ok, that’s me hanging up now, before I get even weirder… byyyye!! I love you!.......... ooohhh sh…* /end of message/

Well. That was a hell of a message. Adrian was beaming, the sound of her voice still ringing in his ears, the sweetness and awkwardness of her ramble warming his body all over. And his heart was slowly restarting after it had jumped and landed with a thud when he had heard her last words.

He had definitely not been expecting that. Neither did she, by the sound of the muttered curse that seemed to have followed. Neither of them had spoken these words before. Neither of them had dared rushing things by voicing their feelings out loud. Although to Adrian, those feelings were as clear as day. Silently expressed in the way he looked at her, touched her, cared for her. But he did not want to presume that Ellie was feeling the same, although he had been desperately hoping so. Hearing her saying it out loud was a relief, an unexpected gift that he was not still entirely sure he deserved.

But what to do now? Should he say it back? Run to find her to tell her he felt the same? She might not even remember saying it, judging by the state of intoxication she seemed to have been under when she called. She might even regret it, or might not have even meant it. The conflicting thoughts now rushing through his head instantly washed down the smile from his lips. Oh God, it was like being a teenager all over again!

He had to go and see her. At least to check if she had made it home ok.

His mood swinging from elation to anxiety as he was replaying her messages in his head, he made his way to Lily’s and Ellie’s apartment, eager to see her but nervous about what he should say. That journey seemed to last forever. So did waiting at the door for someone to let him in, his ears trained on the slow and familiar heartbeat he could hear through the solid wood. Luckily, Lily was quick to answer the door, although she was clearly surprised.

“Hey A!” she greeted him with a smile, before furrowing her brows in concern. “Oh no, what kind of messages did she send you? Did she freak you out?! That was a bit of a struggle at some point to get her hands away from her stupid phone..!”

“No, no, don’t worry Lily”, he reassured her. “I… I just wanted to check up on her as the night seemed to have been quite… wild?”.

Lily sniggered at his choice of words.  “Oh yeah, that was a good night!”, she beamed, gesturing for him to come in, before adding with a grin, “… although I don’t know what Ellie would say right now… I had kind of forgotten the lovely after-effects that overly sweet and cheap cocktails can have on a human organism… and so did she, I reckon.”

Lily giggled a little at this, shooting an adorable apologetic grin at Adrian as if to prevent him from even thinking about blaming her for Ellie’s massive hangover. If she had reached that stage yet.

“Well, may I go and see the damage for myself?” he asked with a grin.

“Be my guest! But I hope you have learnt how to block your nostrils over the years, coz in there... yuk!”

They both shared a laugh at this, as Adrian dropped his coat and jacket on a chair before heading towards Ellie's room, bracing himself as he knocked softly at the door “Ellie? May I come in?”

His call was met by the sounds of ruffling sheets and by an intelligible grumble that he interpreted as a ‘yes'. Slowly pushing the door open, his eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness of the room to find Ellie’s form, surprisingly not tucked in the sheets, but instead awkwardly sat on the floor by her bed. Her cheek was resting on the edge of the mattress, her arms sprawled around her head lazily as if to prevent herself from slipping off to the floor.

Adrian quietly crossed the room to kneel by her side, laying a comforting hand between her shoulder blades while reaching over her arm to brush away the sticky strands of hair from her face, revealing a pale figure staring ahead into nothingness, her mouth slightly open as she was taking in shallow breaths.

“Oh sweetheart…” he sighted softly, offering her a warming smile as her eyes finally seemed to have focused on him. Caressingly gently the burning skin of her temple, he offered: “Do you want to stay down here, or do you want me to move you to the bed?”

It took Ellie a while to answer, as if gathering her thoughts as well as her strength to voice them was beyond achievable for her. She finally nodded weakly, her lips finally moving to let her feeble voice out: “I tried but… couldn’t get back on the bed after I…”.

Nodding back at her to show her that she did not need to say any more, he pressed a quick peck on her forehead before gently moving around to collect her limp body in his arms and deposit her carefully onto the bed. Helping her out of her clothes was the next step, and Ellie did not complain whatsoever during the whole process, focused on keeping her eyes closed to try to ignore what this shuffling around was doing to her stomach. Once he was done, Adrian sat by her side on the edge of the bed, one hand holding hers onto his lap, the other on the side of her neck so he could brush his thumb over her cheek soothingly.  

“Sounded like you had a great night yesterday” Adrian teased, as Ellie looked at him with foggy eyes, attempting to raise a sceptical brow but failing miserably.

“Yes we had… but” she had to stop for a second, her stomach heaving dangerously, “not so much fun now”.

“Yes I can imagine”, he chuckled lightly, his eyes roaming over her features to check everything else was alright.

Lost in the peaceful silence that was filling in the room as she was gradually relaxing next to him, securely tucked in in the bedsheets, Adrian had nearly forgotten why he had initially rushed to her place. That was until he saw her eyes suddenly snap open and her brow furrow, as she broke the silence to ask: “Wait… what do you mean by ‘sounded like you had a great night’?”

Well, at least that answered his previous concern that she might not remember was she had said in her messages. He could just pretend that nothing out of the ordinary happened, and leave it at that, hoping that those words would grace her lips once more in the near future, under better circumstances. Hopefully. Except he did not want to pretend. Or could not.

“You don’t remember calling me last night?”, he asked softly, unable to hide the gleam of expectation in his eyes.

Her frown and confused gaze answered his question before her lips did. “No I….” she started, before suddenly widening her eyes in silent realisation, as glimpses of last night’s drunk endeavours resurfaced to hit her in the face. Eyes wide, she was starting to remember… bits after bits… and then all of it.

“Oh nooooo…”, she muttered, the blood somehow suddenly finding its way back to her cheeks despite the weakness of her body. If the flush of her skin and the thumping of her heart were not enough to ensure Adrian that she was now remembering everything she had said, the sheepish smile that adorned her face as she dropped her eyes to their joined hands was proof enough.

Squeezing her hand a little more tightly, he braced himself: “Ellie, I…”

But as he was about to speak, Ellie suddenly straightened up in the bed, covering her mouth with her hand and she heaved once more, her body violently reminding her that now was not the time for heart-to-heart conversations. No. Now was the time for her to pay the consequences for over indulging on G&Ts and margaritas a few hours before.

Clutching Adrian’s arm to keep herself up, she pleaded weakly, the corner of her mouth curled in a feeble smile that showed that she was admitting defeat: “Adrian, please… just… please, be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to…. I’m gonna need you to carry me to the bathroom…”.

If Adrian was a little disappointed, he did not show it. Probably because he knew that now was clearly not the right time to discuss this. And probably because he could see the reassurance in her eyes that she was not going to take her words back. They would get to this part again eventually, there was no point in rushing things just because the alcohol had loosened her lips.

Smiling at her warmly, he simply nodded, pushing the bedsheets away to cradle her trembling body once more in his arms and carry her to the bathroom. She was right. Now was not the right time. He would tell her. Eventually. Just not right now.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @adriansbiss, @itsjustwinter, @shanzay44, @purvishraick

If anyone wants to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know!

@choicesficwriterscreations​

[justforbooks]

Why do we read? The wealth of genres available suggests that some of us read for comfort, escapism, knowledge, or to improve ourselves. Whilst these are all perfectly valid reasons, it’s also worth thinking about reading about themes, perspectives, and societies that go beyond our own comfort zones.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, it has been estimated by the proofreading service, Global English Editing, that 35% of the people in the world have read more books than usual this year.

With normality disrupted, is it no wonder we have turned to books more? Books can give us all sorts of benefits, but when thinking about our reading habits during a pandemic, it is worth looking at this from a mental health perspective.

The Benefits of Reading — But Why It Should Also Challenge Us

Reading can force us to be mindful, take us away from the blaring digital world that we have become more reliant on, and force us into the present by talking one page at a time. “Bibliotherapy” is a relatively new form of reading therapy being used in clinics, libraries, and schools to promote recovery in people with mental health difficulties in some places in the world.

With these mental health benefits in mind, it is one explanation for why so many of us have taken to reading during the pandemic. But reading to improve our mental health can also be coupled with challenging and educating ourselves. Reading fiction is one of the best ways to do this. Not only are you benefiting from its natural escapism, but in many cases, fiction forces you to put yourself within the shoes of others.

A central theme with my reading habits in 2020 was choosing books that challenged me. In this respect — the books that follow have forced me to go beyond what’s comfortable — as I have learnt about different issues experienced by characters I wouldn’t necessarily encounter in my daily life.

Each has changed my perspective on a range of issues — highlighting why it’s important to read books that challenge us.

An American Marriage, Tayari Jones

Literary fiction

Celestial and Roy are a newlywed couple — for a brief moment — they indulge in the feeling of being married and the excitement of spending the rest of their lives together. Until one incident changes everything. Roy is wrongly accused of a crime he didn’t commit and is sent to jail for the rape of a woman.

“Much of life is timing and circumstance, I see that now.”

Whilst in jail, Roy desperately tries to keep his new marriage alive, whilst sending Celestial letters and hoping for a better future. But Celestial cannot continue to live her life waiting for theirs to start. In many ways, it is a story about relationships and love but heavily tainted by the blatant racism that lays at the heart of the American criminal justice system and how it has the power to alter lives.

Why Did it Challenge Me?

Reading this as a white woman, made me realise this situation would never happen to me. Reading from the point of view of Roy, a black man, wrongly convicted for a crime he didn’t commit purely on the grounds of his race and circumstance — was a learning experience for me.

I grew up in a considerably white town. Until fairly recently, I knew very little about racism and how it perpetuates the very systems that we typically view as ‘just.’ Therefore, reading about these types of experiences that I wouldn’t usually be exposed to in my life, was essential for me.

“Twelve years is what they gave him. We would be forty-three years old when he was released. I couldn’t even imagine myself at such an age. Roy understood that twelve years was an eternity because he sobbed right there on the defendants’ table. His knees gave way, and he fell into his chair, The judge paused and demanded that Roy bear this news on his feet. He stood again and cried, not like a baby, but in the way that only a grown man can cry, from the bottom of his feet through his torso and finally through his mouth…”

The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell

Political fiction

The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists was written during the early twentieth century and tells the story of a group of Edwardian workers. Owen, the outspoken socialist, makes it his mission to persuade and educate the rest of the group on the importance of a fairer society. He tries to make them realise the extent of their exploitation and how little it achieves — but he is always fighting an uphill battle.

In many ways, this book could be regarded as a socialist manifesto. But in others, it is far more than that. Through Owen, as readers, we learn that poverty is not about misconceptions such as laziness, but is more often than not, a political choice.

It’s rhetoric surrounding the workplace, and the unskilled versus the skilled worker highlights how we still undervalue certain people in society. Nurses and cleaners make up the groundwork of our society; however, they are still persistently underpaid. Throughout the novel, Owen makes a case for a redistribution of wealth, workplace rights and an overhaul of the capitalist system which in his eyes, is responsible for the vicious cycle of poverty they find themselves in.

“Every man who is not helping to bring about a better state of affairs for the future is helping to perpetuate the present misery and is, therefore, the enemy of his own children.”

Despite being written long ago, it contains an essential insight into the reality of working-class, Edwardian poverty, poor workplace conditions, and poverty workers' experience to keep themselves alive. Of course, it is inherently political, but it also teaches readers about human and societal values. Such as fairness, equality, and decency.

Why Did it Challenge Me?

Despite it being set during a very different time, it made me re-evaluate all the problems within our own society whether that’s the persistent gender pay gap, poor sick pay, or people not being eligible for financial help during the Covid crisis when they’ve had to stay at home during lockdowns.

Above all, the descriptive scenes of the workplace — most notably — one in which a young boy, Bert, who is told off for trying to light a fire to keep himself warm — made me realise how brutal and hard work manual labour jobs in the Edwardian period were — and how little rights they had.

Such A Fun Age

Fiction

Emira is a young black woman, living in Philidelphia and trying to find her feet. She works as a babysitter for a middle-class, white blogger who thinks she’s all clued up on race. Through the perspective of Emira, the novel deals with the casual forms of racism and microaggressions that many of us (particularly white people) may not usually notice in our day to day lives.

“Emira had met several “Mrs. Chamberlains” before. They were all rich and overly nice and particularly lovely to the people that served them. Emira knew that Mrs. Chamberlain wanted a friendship, but she also knew that Mrs. Chamberlain would never display the same efforts of kindness with her friends as she did with Emira: “accidentally” ordering two salads and offering one to Emira, or sending her home with a bag filled with frozen dinners and soups.”

Switching between Emira’s perspective, and Alix’s, the blogger, Such a Fun Age is a poignant, comical and revealing portrayal of the present world and the half-hearted ways in which white people commonly approach the subject of race. Alix thinks she is all clued up on what it’s like to be a black woman, as she has plenty of black friends, and after all, employs a young black woman.

Stephanie Hayes, writing in The Atlantic, sums her character up brilliantly in stating that the novel, “satirizes the white pursuit of wokeness.” Furthermore, this switching between two completely different characters means,

“Alix’s myopia isn’t lost on Emira. Writing from the younger woman’s point of view, Reid renders white people whose eagerness to shed their blinkers results in fumbling attempts to identify with black people — as much to burnish their own images as to genuinely connect with others.”

Why Did It Challenge Me?

It made me realise that some of the ways I used to approach talking about race — were wrong. By reading about Emria’s experience with her boss, Alix, I was exposed to the realities of casual racism. Something, as a white woman, I am have never experienced myself. This is obviously something I will never understand, but after reading this, I feel more aware and educated about it.

Reading this forced me into the perspective of Emira, a character living completely outside my own bubble. It opened my mind up to how the daily lives of others can be so different. Most of all, it forced me to stop and think.

Keep the Aspidistra Flying, George Orwell

Political fiction

This book encapsulates the dilemma that many young, recent graduates like myself, have to deal with. Do you strive to embark on a career that’s safe and stable, or pursue something you love, even if it takes longer and involves many more hurdles along the way? Gordon, the protagonist, has a safe job at an advertising firm; however, he gives this all up to work in a bookshop, for a slither of his previous salary.

After leaping into the unknown, he tries to stand against the capitalist society he feels he is forced into. Deliberately quitting a good job, and living below the poverty line, Gordon thinks he is making a robust, political stand. He tells the reader how he hates money and how this rampant need fuels every part of our society.

However, Gordon eventually realises the errors of his ways — as he learns his actions aren’t realistic because they aren’t encouraging a change to the system.

“The mistake you make, don’t you see, is in thinking one can live in a corrupt society without being corrupt oneself. After all, what do you achieve by refusing to make money? You’re trying to behave as though one could stand right outside our economic system. But one can’t. One’s got to change the system, or one changes nothing.”

Why Did It Challenge Me?

In this current job climate, it was a reminder that at the moment, no industry is ‘safe’ and that there is no such thing as a ‘proper’ job. Those jobs such as advertising, marketing, retail and hospitality — that we were always taught—were secure and ripped apart during the pandemic. It made me think about my own plans and perceptions of the job market.

Additionally, Gordon’s inherent dislike of money and the capitalist world reignited my desire for a more minimalist outlook and society. After all, money is never the route of all happiness.

Reading fiction is an enjoyable form of escapism, but it can also teach us a lot about other peoples’ lives, and challenge our own ideas and values. We can often become comfortable living in our own bubbles and reading the same books we have always turned to.

But reading fiction can help challenge our own comfort and promote a more diverse world view — when dealing with subjects such as race, society and culture. By reading fiction, we get to be inside the minds and live inside others' shoes we may never encounter in real life. Thus, it’s a form of stepping outside that comfort bubble, a form of social education, and a way of understanding people.

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

[faedawayyy]

DALLAS JACKSON.

my forever obsession. i feel like his story and margo’s story go hand in hand and when they’re put together, it makes so much sense why they are the way they are. 

TW: DRUGS, ALCOHOL, VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE 

CHILDHOOD (0 - 11) 

dallas is the youngest of two. he was born in april and from the moment he was born, he became the centre of his mum’s universe. he never did anything to be that way; she always told him that he came at just the right time. he never really knew what that meant but it’d end up being the main thing that sent so many other things spiralling in the wrong direction as he grew up. 

anywhere his mother went, dallas would be taken too. their parents couldn’t go on dinner dates without dallas coming along in his pushchair while margo stayed with her nanny. he’d go to lunch dates with friends and parties he was too young to be at. his mother was incredibly attached but to him, it felt like love and what child doesn’t want that? she’d suffered with postpartum after margo and dallas was her chance to redo motherhood the “right” way. 

dallas never saw much of his dad growing up and when he did, it was during the late hours of the nigh when he’d come home in his suit looking tired. around the same time dallas would go to bed. they were fine though and had a better relationship than margo did with her parents. 

dallas spent very little time with anybody his own age. he was desperate to be close to margo but jealousy pushed them away. he’d spend most of his time going to events with his parents and being around other adults.  

he loved school because it gave him independence. he was free from his mother’s attachment and he got to make friends with kids his own age. he loved maths, sports and music the most; he was a member of many sports teams and also took part in any school concert that came his way. he was best on the drums and didn’t start singing until much later. 

spending a lot of time at home meant that he got to see his dad’s career grow and has more happy memories of his childhood and his parent’s marriage than margo does. however, his mother’s obsession with him did used to make him feel like his dad resented him in a weird way, though. it never showed in huge ways and he came to the conclusion it was just in his head. he was only 11, after all.

TEEN YEARS (12-18) 

high school started out weird for dallas. knowing who he is now, people would expect him to have been popular from the get go but he actually really struggled to make friends. spending most of his childhood with adults over 30, he struggled to connect with teenagers - and especially boys - his own age. 

he did get in with a group of guys but he was very clearly the weakest link or the one they’d bully and pick on just because they could. he’d shrug it off as a joke but it made him hate school. a lot. it was in the 12 - 14 year old range that he stopped doing sports or putting a lot of effort into school. it didn’t effect his grades because he’s naturally gifted in academics, but he lost his love for learning and school in general. 

dallas spent most of his younger teen years not being invited out and watching his friends have fun without him. he still went to events with his parents just to get out of the house. agreeing to sing at a christmas party led him to signing a contract with charles hamilton’s music label. over a summer, he made his debut EP and released a single. 

he blew up. almost instantly. the song ‘one time’ was a hit and he was almost certain that this would earn him respect at school. it turned out to be the reverse; he was mocked. people would play his songs ironically and he was called every name you could think of. he even got beat up a few times because of it. it made him miserable and he begged charles to terminate his contract. that never happened but he never, ever wanted to make music. 

studying and working on his first full length album, dallas met ruby at school at around 13 and she was the first friend he had that didn’t insist on making a joke of him. he learnt she was adopted by edwin carmichael which made her a family friend; she was the person he mainly started hanging out with and he gradually got to know her friends which opened him up to a new circle too. 

separating from his first friendship group was positive, he started to love sports and music again and school became somewhere he could tolerate. he posted music online and ended up releasing ‘baby’ - another song that absolutely blew up and sent him into stardom way too early.  

his mum became his manager and helped him balance school and all of his new career success, something else that earned him a string of horrible texts and comments from margo. at this point, he never saw her and she despised him for taking everything she wanted. 

he didn’t have much time to think about it. the older dallas got, the more financially successful he became and by the time he hit 15, he was the highest earner in his family. at around he same time, cracks in his parents marriage was showing at home. 

his dad never tried to hide the fact that he hated dallas for earning more than him and for a good few years, his father had control over his money. anything he earned went straight to mr jackson. dallas never saw a penny...and because his dad had a gambling addiction, a lot of it went down the drain.

by the time dallas reached 18, he had multiple offers from talent academies and academic universities. he originally chose to go to yale and study physics. he’d had a taste of fame and the music industry and didn’t want it. 

dallas’s father had put money aside for him when he was 18 for college. so, he used that to pay his tuition fees. however, after only one term, the account was drained and he didn’t have the money to stay. he worked jobs at bars and shops to pay his way but one job payed more than most and that was drug dealing. not hard to come by on a campus of over privileged kids. however, he was quickly caught and asked to leave. 

dallas came home to a completely different environment. his family were bankrupt and his dad had sold the law firm. they were living on loans and their parent’s marriage became massively toxic. he saw his dad beat his mum, multiple times, and when he rushed to defend her - which he would every time - he’d get the same treatment. 

he felt like he didn’t have the option to move away like margo, who would take care of their mum? that’s what drove his decision to stay local and go to st judes. but, he hated margo to leave him to deal with his dad’s mess and find a way...on his own...to get them money. suddenly, he was trying to find a way to pay rent, his sister’s rehab bills AND tuition for st judes so it was back to dealing.

YOUNG ADULT (18 - 23) 

easily the hardest years of his life. his young adult years have been stress, after stress, after stress, but he’s also not one to ask for help. still being massively successful in music, he threw himself into his rising fame with his albums ‘BELIEVE’ and ‘PURPOSE.’ 

any chance he got to act like a kid and forget about the responsibility he has, he takes it. whether that’s getting into petty fights, dating around, getting too drunk or acting impulsively. 

pressure from both being a big name at the academy and from his family has driven him to darker places. he’s struggled - multiple times - to have healthy romantic connections because he’s used to people being dependant on him; starting with his own mother. the minute somebody gets too attached or asks too much of him, he’ll lash out. on the flip side though, he likes to be needed. 

mental pressure is mainly what led his last relationship to become abusive and after that, he hit rock bottom. believe it or not, it’s definitely learnt behaviour and the last position he wanted to find himself in. 

dallas’s mental health has taken the biggest blow. after a handful of seriously failed relationships and having no home life anymore, he was diagnosed with depression mid-2020. something else he rejects intensely. he refuses to have the same diagnosis as his dad and refuses to speak of it or tell anyone or ask for help. 

TW: SUICIDE 

2020 and early 2021 had him make two separate suicide attempts that were recorded in the press as drug overdoses. the truth of the matter is that he isn’t an addict. he takes drugs but isn’t a slave to them. he doesn’t want to ruin his life or become numb to it; just end it. 

END OF TW

in more recent months, dallas has picked up on his music career again and is STILL trying his best to support his parents and pay margo’s withstanding rehab bills. after being in hospital, the academy have forced him to go to therapy, something he does privately and this accounts for him slowly improving in his behaviour again but he’s definitely forever on thin ice with how his life’s going.

[adrianodiprato]

+ “Design is really an act of communication, which means having a deep understanding of the person with whom the designer is communicating.” ― Donald A. Norman

Game Changers | Series Seven Reflection For Series Six, we turned our attention to Flourishing Future: Designing for a better normal as we attempted to unpack the provocation How do we in schools keep challenging binary thinking for designing a better normal? In Series Seven of the Game Changers Podcast, we once again have eleven remarkable educators – a financial literacy guru, an immersive learning designer, a Director of Student Opportunity & Careers Education, a global citizenship educational leader, an inclusive education champion, a foundational Principal, an Imagine If explorer, a Principal of marginalised youth in society, an entrepreneurial education superstar and two visionaries of the transition from high school to life. Each challenged our binary thinking and inspired us with their version of intentionally designing a better normal – all Game Changers who continue to light the torch for us and show us the way to build schools (and even society) differently. 

Each Series Seven Game Changers guest reminded us that those school leaders and educational sectors that understand potential futures, and what each might mean for them, and have the courage to plan ahead, will be the best prepared to support young people to succeed and flourish in the obvious reality of our new tomorrow. That we need to re-examine the purpose of schooling for our times and ensure that it is based on the facts and best predictions about the impact of this relentless change. It means realising that our decision on our vision today will lead to consequences in the future that we may or may not live to see, but others will, especially our COVID Children and the generations that follow.

Our Series Seven Game Changers helped us explore the key ingredients for designing a better normal, so that each young person in a school might begin to flourish in their today and into their future. We started Series Seven with Founder of Money School, Lacey Filipich. 

Episode One | Lacey Filipich Key learnings – I first met the effervescent Lacey at s p a c e in 2019. I was instantly drawn to her infectious smiles, smarts and optimistic concept of money and its real human value. Our conversation in Series Seven highlighted the value of flipping the ‘time poor’ narrative, this deficit thinking economics, to the concept of being time rich, a half glass full story line, when viewing financial management, an important literacy for all learners, that focuses on lifting up, from a conversation around limiting waste and liberating hope.

Episode Two | Mond Qu Key learnings – Encounters that evoke feelings of awe often lead to new relationships with self, place and the other. These moments of awe give us a profound sense of hope and the ability to see the bigger picture. Each teaches us that there might be something magical in beauty of everyday life, that we can be forever grateful for. Working in research, practice, and teaching internationally, Mond challenges all educators and learners to iterate in this space of encounter and embrace the challenges of the 21st century. In this episode, he discusses why we all should adopt a designer mindset in a world that needs us to be more curious, more creative, more diverse than ever before, through being open to exploring the power of habits and intentionality immersive encounters of wonder and awe. 

Episode Three | Samantha Jean McFetridge Key learnings – Outstanding organisations like Foundations for Young Australians (FYA) have illustrated to us, through extensive reports that there is a new work order, that career pathways aren’t as linear as they used to be with young people expected to have 17 jobs across 5 careers in their lifetime. Our conversation with Samantha reminded us that entrepreneurial-minded learners achieve success by applying knowledge, creatively and resourcefully; be it in STEM, business, creative arts, trade, social enterprise, professional or any other type of knowledge. And that this ability is recognised globally as critical to 21st century learning and active citizenship. Understanding that this is not just about building a business but empowering all learners to build their own future through discovering possibilities available to them, via a comprehensive career’s education framework.

Episode Four | Hamish Curry Key learnings – Our chat with Hamish reminded me of the significance of place. This thinking is centred around the notion that learning can take place anywhere, anytime. Where young people can access knowledge at a touch of a button. Therefore, schools need to commit to creating authentic learning experiences that enable learners to connect deeper with self, place and especially the other. This more personal exchange with real-world contexts and in-country immersions allows all learners to consider the social change, dialogue and bridge building needed to better connect to local and global communities. It allows for all learners to construct global perspectives and their own meaning not only in the classroom, but outside the classroom and outside of school. And we cannot ignore that virtual reality ensures that the entire world is the new classroom.

Episode Five | Tanya Sheckley Key learnings – The rise and rise and rise of personalised learning. Alongside our changing notions of what constitutes a classroom, Tanya reminded us that our ideas about the way teaching is delivered must also be reshaped. That the old ‘one size fits all’ model is outdated and has no place in the agenda for today’s schooling, for today’s tomorrow. As a result, teachers will need to develop individualised learning plans for students, each home to a unique life, which will enable each student to access curriculum and learning designed at a pace that best suits their abilities and divergent needs, that allows them to engage with knowledge, skills, and wisdom, that are most beneficial to them.

Episode Six | Scott Donohoe Key learnings – True vulnerability is waking up each day and choosing courage over comfort. School leaders have a responsibility to shepherd all in their learning community to a post pandemic next, new, or better normal. Scott is one of those school leaders that has a capacity of tuning in and outward and being brave enough to anticipate evolution and opportunity born from moments of real struggle and challenge and flipped to opportunity and hope. He realises that courage is about overcoming all obstacles when most of the society are frozen in an old reality. He realises that courage is to not be afraid to become and reveal who you really are, for self and the places and people you serve and lead.

Episode Seven | Loni Bergqvist Key learnings – Imagine If students have more opportunities to learn at different times in different places. With anytime, anywhere learning becoming the better normal for our students. Where online tools facilitate opportunities for a more highly personalised learning experience of individually targeted stretch and challenge tasks. One that is self-paced, self-determined and incorporates relevant and real-world inquiry-based learning. Resulting in all classrooms being flipped, meaning the knowledge and skills part is learned outside the classroom, at home. Where on campus class time becomes one of character appreciation, deep collaboration, teamwork and the practical application or transfer of knowledge and understanding, of real-life issues. Where taking tests will be replaced by students’ growth and achievement through creative and collaboration projects to problem solve wicked and relevant real-world questions. Well, this exits via Loni and her team at Imagine If.

Episode Eight | Sally Lasslett Key learnings – Our encounter with Sally animated what truly matters in education, people. Sally and the brilliant staff at The Hestor Hornbrook Academy understand that their vocation is being an important champion to their students, many of which have had an adverse childhood or experienced significant trauma. And why do these educators do what they do - well, from my perspective they get that every person in our schools is home to a unique life. This learning community isn’t about a handout, but a hand forward and up, where each feels seen, respected, safe, valued and understood. Sally reminded me of my why, and the profoundness of why I will forever be a teacher. The greatest vocation in the world.

Special Series | Nicole Dyson and Will Stubley & Saxon Phipps Key learnings – Phil’s chats with Nicole, Will and Saxon reminded me of crowdsourced classes, entrepreneurship or self-directed learning is almost certainly at the core of the future of learning. To not allow learners to ‘play’ with information, platforms, and ideas is to ignore them access to the tools and patterns of 21st Century life. And that in a progressive learning environment, students should constantly be generating original ideas from multiple sources of information–and be doing so guided by teachers, mentors, and communities, all in pursuit of self-knowledge and self-created meaning and creativity. Highlighting the role of teaching becomes much more about coaching and guiding students to not only build their knowledge, skills, and attributes, but to also make better sense of what they are learning, to fully flourish in life.

From each of our Series Seven Game Changers we learnt the significance for learning communities to be deeply tuned into the sign of times, this new world we live in. That we have a responsibility to shepherd all in our learning communities as they emerge from the pandemic towards designing a better normal in doing school. That this is about anticipating the opportunity born from moments of real struggle and challenge. And about planning and executing an incremental and unstoppable evolution towards better outcomes for all learners. While overcoming all obstacles when many in society are still frozen in an old reality. 

Thank you to Lacey, Mond, Samantha, Hamish, Tanya, Scott, Loni, Sally, Nicole, Will and Saxon for sharing your story and passion. And thank for reminding us all that each person in our learning communities is home to a life. It is as simple and complex as that. Born from the construct of love – of self, for place and the other.

Listen to our Series Seven: Epilogue via streaming platforms - SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Play.

[paramsiddharth]

#15: The Independence Day

However tempting the title may be at suggesting my life is at peace now, it painfully isn't. I don't want this to prevent me from glorifying the decades of freedom from colonization we have enjoyed, how much we have recovered from post-colonization trauma, and how we are more responsibly planning to evolve in future. Lots of love to my country. I love my dear Bihar, I love India. I am grateful to my parentland for everything it gave me, such as the beautiful cultural heritage and the opportunity to identify myself as a proud Indian. 🇮🇳 I give my heartfelt pranaam to my nation.

Why is it always such that I make a post, disappear for months (or years), and then make a sudden reappearance? I love writing. Why this discontinuity? I asked myself this question.

I realized it is because I am always too overwhelmed by my past and future to express my present without hurting myself. And don't expect me to mourn that; It is part of my situational awareness, learning from my experience, and practical preparedness and I'm not ashamed.

I'm not proud either, but there's little I can do to change the circumstances I'm put in. The very reason behind my continuous complaining and being a crybaby is because that's what has happened to me throughout my life, and continues to. There are plenty of people to blame, but definitely not me.

I will start talking about the time after the day I posted that Kharagpur blog, but I will move in a logarithmic fashion i. e. Increasing the amount of focus on the part closer to the plateau (present) rather than the cliff (past).

Do you use olive oil at home? Is it a common ingredient in most of the food that you have at home? I recently learnt an interesting truth about food oils. Mustard oil, olive oil, and refined oil are the 3 major oils used to cook. In my family everything is cooked in mustard oil. I used to watch recipe videos and wonder why the colour of the oil looked so different. Turns out they generally use olive oil.

Based on what mom told, mustard oil is much more fatty and considered not good for health, at least in comparison to olive oil. That being said, mustard oil comes for a lot cheaper than olive oil. So do we use less healthy oil to cook food for saving money? Yes. Are we the only ones? I really don't know.

As much as I don't want to, I pity myself. It's pathetic, but every time I pity myself, I assume it can't get worse. But it does. It very much does.

5-6 days ago, my parents had a very violent fight. I was there to get them to settle, and since my classes were not going on, I could give more time to home. Despite my struggle to get both my parents to be peaceful, they kept saying things to each-other for half the night, and kept hurting themselves, mentally and physically. I was there to help them, but they weren't welcoming to any support. And I understand why. They must feel like they are put into a position where they can't express themselves to anyone, and that nobody can feel what they are going through.

Folks and friends tell me not to get in between when they fight. I wouldn't… If only it remained verbal. But it gets worse. It gets physical, in a manner that they end up hurting their internal and external biologies causing more than just short-term damage. I barely manage to save the day everytime… Because I love them. I don't want to listen to my friends. My parents are my everything. Losing one of them means losing half of my life's purpose. I'm nothing without them, no matter how they are.

And I managed to calm them down. 3 days ago, we woke up to a news that wasn't initially so devastating: The water motor wasn't working. It had been a common problem, I easily assumed it will be fixed soon. We got it checked, had some analysis done, some parts bought. By evening, it was still being worked on, and that made the situation tense. The day ended with the news that the plumbers will come the next day and attempt a better fix, something they referred to as "slizing" (I think it supposed to be slicing). I didn't eat much that day, for reasons. Others ate less too.

So we got the "slizer" expert the next day. The whole day was going to be a wasted struggle again, and what happened at home made it far worse. The lack of food, hydration, and sanitation made our patience and moods worse. My parents had an argument, and once the light was sparked, it ended up being probably the worst fight they have ever had in the whole lifetime. One where they almost hit each-other. I came in between as a shield and got beaten up instead, gladly so. But will I always be able to get in between?

The situational dilemma hit me harder than the physical strokes. I was pulled down deep into the realization of how traumatizing the past 5 years have been for my parents. From being loving, caring, and supportive, they've become beasts. They have turned into people with no emotional control, and mood-swing patterns that encourages self-harm exclusive to interpersonal fights between those two.

As much as they fight, scream, misbehave, and misunderstand each-other while arguing, they are the only 2 adults I could ever rely on. The rest of my ostensible family has been far more hostile to us, in a much more heart-penetrating way than physically. Who else can I look up to? And even if I had anybody else to look up to, my parents are the 2 people I will never let go of. It is my life's purpose to see them happy, and I won't let anything go wrong before that happens.

Their hatred for each-other while fighting is no longer silenced by their want to live, and their heart no longer melts by the thought of their kids' happiness. They aren't able to think straight during a fight. What would a person in this condition be advised to do? Take therapy, I suppose. We can't afford that. Will the one who advises us pay for our therapy? I'm sure not.

Money is the one big thing in our life that's our biggest joy and harshest pain at the same time. If we had more money, none of our current problems in life would remain relevant. We will be able to cure everything, including our financial instability and mental illnesses. We will be off to a happy life, constantly evolving. If only we had more money. If only…

Let me slap myself out of this dream. It isn't here yet. A minimum of 2 years before I even get on my feet are to be borne with patience and… Struggle. No, my parents have to remain together, no matter what. The hardwork they did for their whole life, won't lose meaning so easily. We're close, and we will make it. I will get a good job and change everything. I will be able to fix us. I will do it… Won't I?

I wasn't able to cry, because I hadn't had water for 50+ hours. My parents eventually lost energy and got diverted by updates from the plumbers and the expert. It failed. They didn't even attempt the "slizing" part. Maybe next day.

Day 3. No eating, drinking, peeing, or excreting. We felt like lifeless blobs, and it was harder for us to make it through, considering my mom has an OCD. Although we were convinced that the service folks were fixing the water issue, we also knew the kind of people we have in Muzaffarpur. They were using our helplessness as a measure to maximize visible worktime and increase the payment. The only thing they were aiming for is profit. No sense of wanting to provide quality service, no concern for our degrading health, nothing. They were just extending and pulling out days from our lifeless schedule.

On day 3, we slightly hinted that this would be the last day we let them work. We ensured them that if they don't fix it by the end of the day, instead of wasting more money into something that isn't even working, we will urgently invest into getting a submersible pump installed, the ultimate answer to all water problems in the poverty-stricken lands of India.

God knows how, by the end of the day, water started coming. We were not relieved, especially I. Not instantly. I waited for the next morning, and then, was a little calmed. After having the payment report (just because I make it sound professional doesn't mean it was, it was an informal description of how much we have to pay and a disambiguation telling why), we realized the fixing cost us over ₹22,000. That's a lot of money for a sudden life problem. And then the motor stopped working again in the evening, whereafter we asked them to have a look again. A quickfix and it started working after adding some water in the pipe.

We are firm that the next step is to get a submersible pump, but even if we put aside the financial challenge for a moment, this season isn't the best one to get it installed. In fact, that should be our last resort, if all options are exhausted, like it would have been if day 3 ended in a disappointment too. But now we have some time to think, plan, and gather money. ₹80,000 isn't a small amount (that's to start, you know it's always more than it seems).

It was the independence day. Wow, what a beautiful day. An independent country, where there are lakhs of smiles of people happy and proud of their country. And lakhs of neutrally frowned faces who don't even know what a country is. All they know is food, water, shelter, and survival. I felt them, I can tell. It must be worse. I wish we had a little more independence too. A stable financial life, my mom's OCD cured, feels like a lovely eye-tearing dream.

Hahaha… I don't know why I'm crying. Is it because of the trauma of 3 painful days? Is it the fear of my parents getting into a fight again? Is it the painful possibility that I might not get a good job because of my not-so good college or my own ineligibility? Or is it just me, a 19 year-old who doesn't even know what to do with his life and is struggling to survive mentally, physically, biologically, academically, and socially?

For those 3 days, I was in a state of suffering. Since I didn't eat much, I didn't need to use the bathroom, but I would have loved to. I would have loved to satisfy my dry throat with some water. Having not drunk or eaten in days had fatigued me. If you want a feel of how long it had been, here's a day 3 picture of an initially dark yellow arhar dal cooked on day 1:

Still, I was receiving phone calls.

Them: Hey Param! What's up? Can you help me with this thing?

Me: Hi, I'm sorry, I can't… I'm kind of in a problem… ...(trying to explain my situation).

Them: That stinks! Sorry about that, dude. Take care. Oh, by the way, can you help me out with this quickly? I really need to do this.

This makes me realize how awfully tooled I have always let myself be. If it was a regular day, I would have probably let go of my busy time and helped them out, but I was in pain. I was enraged. Very angered by their stubbornness and lack of concern for my happiness, when I have always been the one who was there for them. I hung up and left my phone. I didn't feel like touching it anymore. Life felt obsolete.

Evening, day 4, we were preparing for dad's birthday next day. Planning a surprise, we ordered a cake for him by collecting some money. We were very excited. Little did we know our happiness was about to be shattered… That's when the water had stopped working again. We know it got fixed later, but the intensity of the trauma in the moment embedded itself deeply into our hearts, and despite the want to be excited, we weren't very relieved after the news that it was working again. We were constantly afraid it will stop working again.

We desperately tried to stay happy and celebrate his birthday. 12 AM, August 16, we sang happy birthday. Crying on the inside and smiling on the outside, we made ourselves believe that we ought to be happy for survival. The desperation was visible on our faces. Here are some pictures:

Now that I'm out of it (pray, the water works fine), I still don't feel so good about it. I want to hug my parents and stay in their arms forever. I want to see them smiling and keep talking to them forever. I want to be able to forget my pain and begin a happy life with my parents someday. Other people won't help me achieve that, I will.

I attempted to get myself a job offer at some good companies, and the recruiters would admit that I'm worthy and eligible and all, but then conclude, "…but our company generally gives only on-campus opportunities.". I get it. I'm not in an IIT. Not privileged enough to be allowed to compete with those IITians I'm far better than. I'll not have a chance, because they'll never come for on-campus opportunities to my college. Bless the IITs, for they've now stolen a hundred options of success from me despite my hardwork.

It is the interview season. I recently had a huge spam of texts and phonecalls by my seniors, asking, requesting, and even threatening me to help them with their online coding entrances. I clarified that I find it ethically wrong, but they continued to mentally disturb me by saying stuff that they, as my elders, shouldn't. I made a post on LinkedIn regarding that. I was so mentally tortured I couldn't take it anymore. And guess what? The responses were equally surprising and hostile.

A good number of people supported. By "supported", I don't mean "liked the post". Anybody would do that for free. Rather, some people appreciated my bravery and told me I did the right thing. On the other hand, some others simply scolded and criticized me brutally for the defamation of JUET, the possibility of JUET being blacklisted by recruiters, and making LinkedIn an unprofessional platform with my plea. What value I hath wrought from years of hardwork didn't seem to be anything to them. Shame on them for looking down on someone they should have been supportive to. And all those cowards who enjoy the perks of the flattery of such devil elders, may they suffer the consequences. Ahh!

Life is so stupid. Why am I working so hard? Whom for? Hello? Is anybody ever going to acknowledge me? Am I ever going to get any appreciation? EVER? Why me? Why? 😭

The question is on me. I've come far enough to understand how this universe works to a much better extent than before. Will I be able to plan my future strategically and always do what's right for me and my family? I hope I do. I hope I don't disappoint the one person who is always there to support me: Myself.

I had once felt like I saw God, but suddenly there was no God. I looked around. Nothing. I was alone. All by myself. Nobody was there to help me achieve my dreams. I suddenly felt this urge to be so grateful for what I have, and not assume that this is the worst it can get. It could get worse, and there's a lot I can get out of my present rather than worrying about my future. And you, dear reader, ought to be grateful for what you have, too.

I sincerely take my leave now. ❤️

Lots of love,

Param Siddharth.

[waejinyoung]

Can’t Swim - EP . 2

word count: 4.6k+

a/n: thank you all for the great response of the first episode! im having so much fun writing up this series. as of right now there’s no certain direction im going in for the plot so it’s unpredictable even for me where this series will go but i can assure you guys that im putting in all my effort to make it enjoyable to read! see you in the next episode! 💚

warning: minimal swearing, mentioning of violence, typical dirty minded jaehyun lol

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP .7 , EP . 8 , EP . 9

It has been 6 days since your last encounter with Jinyoung. Tomorrow is Monday. To be honest, you thought he’d be on your mind more often than usual. He’d appear in your frequent daydreams and that’s about all. You praised yourself by giving yourself a pat on the back for not becoming attached to this mysterious being you had only met a week ago on one encounter.

Sunday afternoon was your favourite. A glass of wine looking out to Jinhae’s bay. You could hear the waves slightly crashing towards the parked boats. A deep breath in. and out.

Your mind drifted to Jinyoung again. You’ll be seeing him tomorrow. You did feel a little giddy about it but also reminded yourself, professionalism in the workplace. Max wasn’t happy about your ‘behaviour’ last week so you’ll need to be on your best behaviour or that pay rise will take longer to obtain. You didn’t need the extra money too much but being rewarded for good performance would be nice.

Alongside your wine you jotted down the things you wanted to teach for tomorrow’s lesson. You hadn’t introduced your dodgeball game to this group. Last time you played it was during your last lesson in Seoul. You loved water dodgeball. Main reason being that dodgeball is such a versatile game. All age groups enjoy it no matter how good or bad you are at the game. You noted to suggest playing it for the last 30 minutes of the lesson. Leaving the pen on the desk, you headed towards the shower to prepare for the busy week ahead.

Monday morning

“Good morning Jooheon!” you greeted boss/best friend.

“Wow Y/N you’re early for once. Good morning!”

Jooheon was scribbling down on his paperwork. Most likely got to do with the financial department.

“There’s always time for change Jooheon. For you, this is a good change. For me, well… it’s going to take some getting used to.” You waved around your hands showing a maybe sign.

“You’re spot on. I like the new energy, keep it up!”

“Will do, Sir!” You headed towards your locker to grab your suit and changed in the staff changing rooms. You checked yourself out in the mirror. Going good Y/N, you thought to yourself and headed back to the staffroom to catch up with Jooheon.

15 minutes later, Max and Soonbin walked in. Soonbin was absent last week. He took his week leave last week to take advantage of the summery weather.

“Long time no see Soonbin, how was your leave?”

“It was good Y/N, thanks for asking.”

Max and Soonbin are good friends. Opposites attract but, they are such complete polar opposites. You were surprised that they actually got along well. More than expected.

“Good morning Max.”

“G’morning.”

That wasn’t a typical Max response. Was he still acting like this because of last week? You questioned yourself. Jooheon gave you a look. He picked up on the strange response by Max too and you felt relieved to know that you weren’t the only one who thought something was up.

“What’s wrong with you three? Did something happen whilst I was gone?”

“No” “Yes” You and Jooheon declined but Max suggested that something had happened.

All 3 of you turned to Max waiting for him to continue.

“Y/N threw being professionalism out the window last week-”

“Max are you still thinking about what happened last week? Grow up, what is wrong with you? Just because Jinyoung asked me if I was single doesn’t give you any right to throw dirt on my name. What exactly did I do wrong?”

“Looks like I took my leave during a bad time. Max calm down.” Soonbin patted Max’s shoulder encouraging him to stop whatever he was getting at.

“Guys! It’s Monday morning. Can we please drop whatever it is between you two in the past and continue with your work? Y/N you have your swimmers in 15, go warmup.”

“Yes, boss” You eyed Max straight in his eyes and grabbed your register. You left the tension filled room with a loud bang.

Ugh, what is wrong with him? You thought to yourself repeatedly. You tried to shake off the bad start to the day. You didn’t want to reflect the bad energy to your students. You walked down the corridor as you reread over the plan you jotted down last night. Backstroke + dodgeball. Your favourite swimming style. You were always placed into the Backstroke slot during swimming leagues when you were younger. You would also bring back the gold medal every time too. Good old days.

You jumped into the pool and practiced backstroke for the next 10 minutes.

“Good morning to you too Y/N.” You had completed blanked your usual routine of greeting Jaehyun in the mornings.

“Ah, Jaehyun. I’m sorry. Had a rough morning. Good morning.”

“I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”

“Thanks, Jae”

“Here comes your lot!” Jaehyun pointed at all the kids waddling toward the edge of the pool with a tall figure behind them following along.

“Good morning everyone!”

“Good morning Y/N”

You smiled at Jinyoung with a welcoming nod. He reciprocated the same action back.

“How has everyone been since the last time I saw you?”

“Good, Miss” Jinyoung didn’t reply.

“What about you Jinyoung?”

“I’ve been well. And you?”

“Me too, thanks for asking.��

The warmup song and exercise didn’t change from last week. This time Jinyoung wasn’t doing the warmup alone though so you could tell he didn’t feel as uncomfortable as last week. You all finished up with a round of applause. Everyone entered the pool waiting for your instructions.

“So last week we introduced staying float and front stroke. I believe you all practiced the new things you learnt, right?”

“Yes, miss!”

“Great to hear. Now this week we will all be learning backstroke and then I have a surprise for the second half of the lesson.”

The kids started clapping like seals. It was always heart-warming to see the kids so excited over something so small.

“We all know the drill. I’ll first demonstrate what backstroke looks like and then you guys will attempt the new style purely on what it looks like and then I’ll come around helping you guys to correct where you guys are struggling on. Alright?”

“Yes, Miss.” And with that, you kicked of the wall and demonstrated backstroke to your group.

You came back to your group looking at you in awe. You knew you were good at backstroke but didn’t expect it to create this sort of reaction. Jinyoung started clapping and the minions joined him in seconds.

You waved your hands around trying to get them to stop with the exaggerated response.

“Guys, lets calm down. I’ve done my part. Now let’s see how good you guys will do backstroke. I’m sure you will nail it!

Ready, set… GO!”

The kids kicked and kicked with all their might and to your surprise Jinyoung was putting in the same amount of effort as the little munchkins. His muscular legs left the kids behind and in no time was back to your side leaving a large gap between him and the other swimmers.

“Good job. As expected you’re much quicker than the kids but your technique is a little off.”

“Lucky for me, I have a great teacher that can fix that.” Jinyoung smiled innocently despite the flirtatious comment.

“That’s what I’m here for.” You smiled back.

The kids came back all out of breath.

“You guys seem tired already. If that’s the case I have to reschedule my surprise for another day- “

The kids all shook their heads no and insisted that they were all fine. You laughed at the load of cuteness written across their faces.

Now began the individual tutorials. You seemed to have left Jinyoung last again. You still hadn’t gotten used to there being 9 students now. You just follow the order of the register and the newbie was obviously last on the list.

“Everything going well?”

“That’s up to you Miss.” Smartass.

“True, can you demonstrate your attempt at backstroke for me again? If you don’t mind.”

“My pleasure.” Jinyoung proceeded to start kicking his legs and must you say you thought you were facing Niagara Falls for a second. You were caught off guard with a load of chlorine water coming towards your face leaving you with no choice but to shut your eyes.

“Oh… Y/N!” You heard Jinyoung call out your name. Damn, did your name always sound this attractive when it fell out of people’s mouths or was this something only Jinyoung was capable of? You snapped back to reality to face a worried Jinyoung right in front of you.

“I’m fine,” you chuckled,” Maybe next time scoot a little away from the people surrounding you to avoid this from happening.”

“I’ll bear that in mind next time. Sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. Cute.

“Shall we try this again? With a little more distance this time.”

“Yes, sure”

You watched Jinyoung eagerly trying to solve what he had to improve. Was it his legs? Nope, he was kicking fine. Ah, you spotted it. He wasn’t moving his arms correctly. He was rotating but his arms had to brush past his ears as he rotated them backwards.

“Jinyoung!” He stopped swimming and saw you coming towards him.

“There’s just one thing that needs solving,” He nodded,” When you rotate your arms back they need to brush past your ear to reach the optimum rotation. The wider the circles you create with your arms, the quicker you will swim.”

Jinyoung listened with full concentration and seemed to have understood what you were getting at. He tried again and was showing improvement immediately. You thought to yourself, wow he’ll be in the next level group in no time. As you thought to yourself aimlessly, Jinyoung had reached back and realised you were in your own world.

“Y/N?”

“huh? Oh, right. You’ve understood my feedback. With a little more practice, you will have perfected your backstroke.”

“Thanks to you.”

You just smiled. You were losing your control. Why did he have to compliment you every chance he got? Was he like this with everyone? Was he simply trying to be nice? There were so many questions flying through your mind that you couldn’t keep up with your own brain.

You both re-joined the rest of the group. You noticed something was up with Woojin, but you didn’t mention it in front of everyone. Maybe it was something personal that was bothering him.

“Now that everyone has achieved a basic knowledge of backstroke, we can move onto the surprise I had mentioned earlier. For the second half of the lesson we will be playing water dodgeball!”

The kids were more excited than you expected. Many of them were clapping and smiling at each other. This is why you loved your part time job.

“Before we start we need to declare two teams. There is 10 of us so there will be two teams of 5. I’ll be one captain. We need another captain for the other team.”

Woojin splashed to get your attention. “Yes Woojin.”

“I think Jinyoung should be the other captain.” Woojin had a small smirk on his face. What was this kid up to?

You turned to Jinyoung to see if he was up for it.

“If I’m on the opposite team to Y/N then there’s no chance she’ll win. Do you want Y/N to lose?” Just a week ago this parrot was shy and now he’s acting cocky. Someone needed to be put in to place.

“I don’t think you know who you’re messing with,” you eyed Jinyoung. He was declaring a competition,” Right, me and Jinyoung are the captains. I’ll pick my first team member. I pick Woojin.”

You guys continued picking your members whilst Jaehyun brought the balls to the midpoint of the pool. Jaehyun found someone to cover for him whilst he conducted the game.

“If both teams are ready, when I say go members from both teams can head to the middle to grab balls for their teams.” Jaehyun bursted out laughing after reciting in his head what he had just said.

“Ya, Jaehyun! Stop being so dirty minded!”

“Sorry, noona! Ready… set… GO!”

Your team had planned to have you go fetch the balls and throw them back to your side. You were a very competitive person. Definitely wasn’t a fan of losing. So, you were willing to do anything to make sure your team won.

As soon as you heard the word “go” escape Jaehyun’s mouth you swam underwater to where the balls were.

You came face to face with Jinyoung as you surfaced from the water. It felt like the world around you both had slowed down and it was just the two of you alone in the pool. You both stared in each other’s eyes until you realised one thing. You weren’t going to lose your cool now. You grabbed a close by ball and lightly tapped Jinyoung on his temple and sent him a wave.

“Jinyoung, you’re out!” Jaehyun shouted in our direction.

You sent Jinyoung a sneaky smile and headed back to your team with 3 out of 5 of the balls. Jinyoung had discovered another side of you and he liked it. He liked how versatile your personality was. When you needed to be mature and serious you were and when you needed to be little more childish and patient you were. He made this conclusion today and realised how your flexibility makes you a really likeable person. Very likeable indeed.

The round ended quickly with your team winning the first round.

“If Y/N’s team wins the next round they are the winners so Jinyoung,” Jaehyun gave Jinyoung a stern look,” Show the world what a man’s team is capable of”

Jinyoung gave Jaehyun a solid thumbs up.

“Let your actions speak instead of your words lads, come on count us in Jaehyun.”

You and your team couldn’t apply the same tactic this round. It would be too predictable. Your tactic this round was to let all the kids go and get balls whilst you stayed back. They’ll throw the balls back to you for you to then get all the kids + Jinyoung out. Sounds simple but it’s going to be difficult considering the built up tension between your team and Jinyoung’s team.

Woojin managed to send back two balls but was hit with a ball from the opposition. The sad expression on his face was adorable but he was out.

“I’ll get the rest of them out for you Woojin, don’t worry!” you cheered at Woojin to keep him happy. He responded back with a bright smile which made you less worried.

With that, using the two balls Woojin had sent back, you hit two of the kids on the opposite team and Hyeji had gotten another opposition member too. Jinyoung took this opportunity to get Hyeji out and unfortunately it was a successful throw. Now it was Jinyoung VS you and Hyungwon. Hyungwon tried to swim towards a ball but failed miserably with Jinyoung getting to it faster and catching Hyungwon out immediately. It now meant 1 v 1.

“Looks like it’s just me and you, Jinyoung”

“That’s right miss. I would be worried if I was you.” Oh, he’s really confident.

Jaehyun and the kids that were out were watching with beady eyes eager to watch the final battle between the two adults.

“I wouldn’t speak so sure if I was you Jinyoung.” See, you had a ball behind you since the start of the game that no one was aware off. You were sure Jinyoung wasn’t aware of it too. To him it seemed like you had no balls.

“Y/N, you can give up now to make it easy for yourself.”

This could be the perfect timing. A bit of dirty play wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it?

“Jinyoung, fine let’s shake hands and call it truths”

“That was easier than expected.” He thought.

You both approached each other at midpoint to shake hands. Jinyoung was all for it. He was willing to compromise and call it a draw for this round. You on the other hand was a fan of dirty play. You approached Jinyoung and slowly reached out your hand. Just before you shook his hand, you raised the ball that you had hid behind you but Jinyoung was quicker than you thought.

Jinyoung had known you had the ball with you since it had dropped to a 1v1 battle. It was simple to figure out considering there were 5 balls at the start of the game and now only 4 to be seen and since he knew he didn’t have the missing ball then you must have it. He gripped your wrist before the ball could make contact with him.

For the second time in the 30 minute period, the world slowed down again. You were left starstruck looking into Jinyoung’s golden brown eyes. The eye contact was intense. Far too intense for your poor little heart to handle. You could feel it trying to leap out of your chest in the hopes to elope with Jinyoung’s. The grip on your wrist was gentle but strong enough to limit your actions. You were inches away from each other. A slight push and your nose would graze his. If you were honest, you would be more than happy if a kid would push you forward at this very moment but that was out of question.

“You surprise me every time Miss. Who knew you could be this sneaky? I need to keep an eye on you during future games.” You just looked him straight in the eyes and gulped. This effect that he had on you was dangerous but the little common sense that you had in you gave you an idea.

His hand was still on your wrist with the ball still in your hand. The ball being straight above his head. Bingo

You let go of the ball only for it to hit Jinyoung’s head lightly. You smiled liked a kid and Jinyoung let go of your hand realising the defeat. Your team cheered and their cheers echoed around you. You swam to your team only to be crowded with kids chanting your name.

You looked back at Jinyoung. “Better luck next time, Mr Park” He was left gobsmacked as you waved the kids goodbye and guided them to the changing rooms. The end of another Monday morning.

You came back to the pool to see Jinyoung and Jaehyun chatting.

“Lessons over, you can leave.”

“Jaehyun do you hear a sly fox around? I’m sure I just heard it say something like “Lessons over”.” Jaehyun bursts out laughing and Jinyoung joins him seconds later.

“An alliance being set up against me already, wow. Since when were you too such close friends?”

“Jinyoung hyung and I were just introducing ourselves to each other. It’s nice having a hyung around.” Jinyoung smiled at the appreciation of his presence.

“Am I not enough, Jaehyun? Do I not fulfil your needs at this side of the centre?”

“Hmm, Y/N noona. What needs are we talking about specifically?” Jaehyun had a smirk planted on his face.

“YA JAEHYUN!” You smacked his shoulder knowing what the year younger was referring to, “When did you become such a dirty minded child?” Jinyoung was trying to sustain a straight face whilst you two bickered.

“Well Y/N noona. As a male grows his needs add up. And some of those needs relate to the male’s bod- “

“Jaehyun, nobody asked for a biology lesson. Get back to work.” Jinyoung let out the giggles he was trying to keep in this whole time. You look at him with seriousness remembering the comment he made minutes ago.

“A sly fox? Is that how you should be referring to your teacher?” Jinyoung caught up with the stern look on your face and stopped giggling immediately.

“You are older than me Jinyoung but, that doesn’t mean you can talk in a friendly tone.” You were proving the analysis he made earlier on correct. You were a very flexible person hence being unpredictable.

“I apologise Miss. I took it a little too far. You’re right, I shouldn’t be referring to my teacher in such a disrespectful way and manner.”

…

You bursted out laughing. Did he really think you were actually pissed? This gave you more material to use against him in the future. Perfect.

It hit him that you were joking around.

“Wow, Y/N. I’m in awe. How can you be so sly consecutively in such a short period of time? You’ve blown my mind away again.” Did he just say ‘again’?

“Again? When else have I ever blown your mind?” Jinyoung’s eyes went wide. He may have just disclosed his growing interest towards his swimming teacher just like that. His mind was rushing, trying to find a lie to cover up his fuck up.

“The game?” The time Jinyoung was actually referring to was the moment he saw you for a couple of seconds before his first ever lesson. The corridor to be exact.

“Ah, right. You’ve been to only two of my lessons. There’s still a lot to learn about me.”

“I’m sure there is Miss.” He didn’t know why he switched between calling you Miss and calling you by your name. You hadn’t really informed how to refer to you, but you didn’t mind. Both worked.

Then it was just silence whilst you both stared into your eyes. Was this the type of eye contact films tried to portray? If so they were spot on. Although it didn’t last as long as you had hoped.

“Y/N…” Jaehyun’s sudden mention of your name drifted your eyes from Jinyoung to his face. He had an uncertain facial expression. You hadn’t seen it before and neither did it seem good. You looked back at Jinyoung and he had a really stern look on his face but not towards you. He was looking at something behind you just like Jaehyun.

You slowly turned around. It was Max. You couldn’t read what emotion he was expressing but it looked fierce. His hands had clamped into a fist. Both of them. He looked like a cheetah ready to pounce onto his pray but his target wasn’t clear. Was he going to start throwing hands at you, Jinyoung or Jaehyun?

You eliminated Jaehyun off the bat. No one would hurt Jaehyun. If he was going to fight you, you were pretty sure fists were not necessary. That left you with one option, Jinyoung.

Nope, this was not happening. Violence was not the answer, especially when nothing had happened directly between both sides. You were pretty sure that these two hadn’t even had a proper direct conversation before to even know if their personalities clashed.

Max’s sudden charge towards you and Jinyoung took you out of your thoughts. He was actually going to resort to violence. He was willingly to throw his well-paying job out the window over what? Jealousy? Jealousy my ass.

“Max” You yelped in the hopes for him to get back to his senses, but it didn’t work. But you won’t go done without a fight. Not a literal flight, but you get it.

Jaehyun dropped down from his lifeguard dock to help you stop Max from committing acts he would regret later. You hadn’t seen Max like this before and you weren’t a fan either. With Jaehyun’s help you were able to stabilise Max in his place before he could lay a finger on Jinyoung. He was still pushing but it wasn’t enough to get through the barrier you and Jaehyun had created. You weren’t the emotional type but if things triggered a bad memory from your past you became a bomb ready to blow.

Your family weren’t exactly the most harmonious. They didn’t really listen to law when it came to teach their children discipline. When we showed any form of disobedience, a beating in their minds did the job. My older brother was extremely disobedient. Especially after reaching his maturing stage (puberty) he wasn’t listening to our parents. More or less every night was the same scenario. You would be pushing your dad in the hopes of him calming down before he would beat the crap out of your brother for being a ‘brat’. It never worked but you always tried to stop him instead of just witnessing the wreck in front of you.

This scene you were in now hit deep. It hit your core. It’s cool showing the confident and cheery Y/N most days but everyone has their breaking point and yours was nearing as the heated collision continued.

Jaehyun was verbally trying to knock some sense back into Max but it wasn’t working. Similar to how your mum would try to get your dad to stop with your brother. What worked then worked now. Your commands for Max to stop and calm down was no more demanding, but fragile. Everyone noticed the vulnerable voice within the vicinity, and they were very unfamiliar with it.

You never liked showing this side of yourself. You always thought people would take advantage of it or put a weak label on you. So, you would always try your upmost best to present a confident steel woman in front of everyone. It was about time you hit your breaking point and let your feelings out. It wasn’t going to be healthy keeping it in any longer.

The 3 males’ faces dropped. The sorrow, the pity and the emptiness they felt. All at different intensities. Max felt pure guilt. Jaehyun felt a deep feeling of sorry and Jinyoung… Jinyoung felt useless. Yes, useless. The woman he’s being trying to discover more about had become a broken mirror in a matter of seconds because of a situation regarding him.

“Max, I be-beg. Can you please, please stop acting so malicious towards him? He hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s just my student. That’s it.” Ouch, that hurt Jinyoung a little bit. He wasn’t expecting you to be so straight forward with defining your relationship. Let alone describing him as ‘just your student’. He knew it had only been a week of knowing you, but his hopes were for changing the student-teacher relationship into something more meaningful.

You were still clinging onto Max from the barrier you and Jaehyun had formed earlier on although it was just you now. Max gripped onto your shoulders moving you slightly off him but still keeping you supported.

“Do you want to sit down?” Max signalled Jaehyun to bring a glass of water immediately as he sat you down on the bench. You were more or less out of it. Kind of oblivious to what was going on now.

“Go.” That wasn’t towards you for sure so you knew he could only be talking to Jinyoung. Jinyoung didn’t question it. He was definitely worried but going against Max right now wasn’t going to make the situation any better. He left without any noise through the common corridor. Max turned his attention back onto you once he saw Jinyoung leave for good. At least for this week.

It didn’t sit well with Jinyoung knowing you were in such a state a couple metres away. The least he could do was talk to you later. Whether it be face to face or on the phone an update from you and how you’re doing will keep him at ease up until next lesson.

Jinyoung slid into the staffroom having realised it sounded very quiet. His observation was correct. The staffroom was empty. He knew which desk yours was considering the form situation from last week. He grabbed a post-it note and jotted down his number, name and a quick message.

‘Jinyoung XXX XXX XXXXX

I hope you’re feeling better, coffee?’

———

I feel like you guys might not like this ending but I have a great idea for the next episode so I apologise if you weren’t a fan of it. We’ve got to understand a little more about Y/N’s past. Max’s patience is being tested but for what reason?

see you next time!

writer-nim

[nepheloma]

inspired by this post that i reblogged yesterday, i really wanted to share a few of the thoughts i've been having recently regarding intelligence.

tl:dr;

intelligence is only judged by performance, which ignores how this performance is immediately dependent on socioeconomic status.

meritocracy as well as the concept of "geniuses" is a scam that perpetuates the status quo.

nobody should have to perform in a certain way in order for their life to have value.

to start with a disclaimer, i'm speaking only from experience -i'm not a psychologist, i'm not an expert on human behaviour. just a person who's been in the educational system for a long time, and who is mostly planning to stay inside of it.

i have always been a very good student, someone who would get extremely high grades and exceed most expectations around me. this labelled me as intelligent. and yes, i do believe that i'm a book smart person. at this point, in the past, i would have said something along the lines of "every person has a different kind of intelligence, it's not just being book smart that matters". but that mentality is bs: let me explain why.

in this system that we live in, quantifying intelligence, of any sort, has to do with performance. subconsciously, when we tell someone that, for example, their intelligence might have to do with art, we expect this to be judged by their artistic performance. if someone doesn't have something to show for their brains, we only tell them that they must have the potential to show something, and that they should work harder. while self-improvement is always a good thing -by all means, we should strive to be who we want to be- it shouldn't be considered necessary.

here's where intelligence goes wrong. first of all, living our lives performatively is the worst way to live them. it makes them devoid of any meaning, hanging on to other's opinions. and being intelligent is definitely judged by others, first and foremost. but most importantly, in order to perform adequately -be a good artist, a well-published scientist, an innovative engineer- is immediately dependent on socioeconomic status. I personally have been lucky enough to be born in a family that cared about me and was also able to financially support my education. I'm also high functioning -even at the times of my life when I was mentally unwell.

It's extremely sad how many people don't have that, but what's even sadder is that our society deems them responsible for this. one goes to university, and professors -who, most of them, as it has been shown, come mostly from academic backgrounds already- degrade them for having gaps in their knowledge, which couldn't possibly be filled if one has only been exposed to the public school system. people with access to capital start their own companies and buy their own houses at their early 20s and then call people who can't do that lazy. All these people perpetuate a myth of meritocracy to justify why they should have the wealth that they didn't earn themselves, and that most of the time is earned on the backs of other, less fortunate people, just like kings used to claim they were of godly ancestry to justify why they deserve to rule.

the concept of genius is another hoax that perpetuates the very same status quo. most people who get their info from the news will have been conditioned to think of current billionaires like elon musk, jeff bezos and bill gates as geniuses. they've learnt, since their first school years, that geniuses are almost like magicians, extremely smart people who were powerful enough to do amazing things. they're told that Albert Einstein discovered his theories of relativity because he was a genius, that Newton was divinely inspired to discover his theory of gravitation when an apple fell on his head, that all those people who made history had access to mental powers we, laypeople, don't -so, one is conditioned to regard current powerful people as something akin to a god. Of course, the scientists I mentioned didn't compile their theories due to divine intervention, but due to years of hard work, which they were financially able to spend devoted to research and education instead of, say, an everyday kind of job, and the work of previous scientists, their students etc etc. Every discovery with one name plugged on it has countless people behind it. But this is what people like Elon Musk capitalize on: nobody remembers the workers, only the celebrity -that's why his cars and rockets are considered to be "his", even though he has probably devoted nothing but money to them.

But if the layperson believes that their "kings" are geniuses, naturally more intelligent than themselves, they are conditioned to accept this power on them as natural, as a law of the jungle, even though it's a literal scam. We're putting side to side people with immensely different lives, ignoring every factor that contributes to their position at the moment and judge only on performance. We dare call this meritocracy and we dare call this "giving everyone what their work deserves". Because yes, judging on intelligence is inherently tied to work. It's inherently tied to how well you do on tasks, how efficient your skills are. It's also why intelligence is tied to very specific kinds of jobs -being in STEM implies mathematical and scientific intelligence, a "left brain" kind of person, one who can be used for technological and financial advancement. Artists who comply with the demands of the art market, a highly corrupted space serving as a a tax evasion and money laundering haven for rich people, are the ones praised and revered. The latest trend is self-made businessmen who are deemed to be geniuses for starting their own company, regardless of how they found the capital for it, or how much they actually serve their communities -but we are pushed to have them as our idols, to want to be like them, even though our finances would never allow this -our failure is turnt into our responsibility, a personal failure, not a difference in fortunes. These concepts are conditioning us to be ideal workers, striving to get more "intelligent" all the time, feeling inadequate in front of the myth some people have created to justify their power.

No, we all matter inherently. We are born and we deserve to live. This life is all we've got -how can others possibly decide if we deserve happiness, love and survival depending on how pleasing to their interests our performance is? We're living in a world where we need to prove ourselves all the time and where people are becoming products to be bought and consumed (which is amplified by social media). That's just not true. We don't need to prove anything. We hate mary sues in media because they're not real, but we've been made to believe that we need to be one in order to be adequate. I'm sure that you have people who love you just for who you are. And that's all you need to be. You are not your performance. Being alive is all you need to be.

This was a chaotic bunch of thoughts that I definitely didn't structure well, but I've been thinking of this for a long time and of how judging myself by my performance has affected me. I have always been on a rollercoaster of self worth depending on how my grades compared to my peers, because I thought this somehow would define my worth as a person, even if I didn't want to admit it. But I've spent now 7 months out of education -basically doing nothing- and I've realised that when you strip a person out of the numbers they define themselves by, there's still so much to see, so much that's important. And I refuse to live my life hanging on the external, of arbitrary judgement systems created by those with their own self-interest in mind. All I can hope for is better part of the world of education and research than my own professors were.

Thanks to anyone who read all of that.

[astroismypassion]

howdy, saw u we're having tech difficulties sorry abt that! i got you a coffee the other day my name is carson, 22 October, 2003 in Winchester, VA, USA @ 2:43 PM !

Hi!

Thank you for buying me this delicious hot beverage. I drank black coffee with rice milk while writing your interpretation. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I did writing! I listened to Leonard Cohen while writing your interpretation. ;)

Your dominant planets are: 1. Uranus, 2. Mars and 3. Pluto. Your dominant signs are: 1. Aquarius, 2. Scorpio and 3. Aries. Your main mode is Fixed. You are Air dominant.

FAMILY, SIBLINGS, EARLY LIFE

You have Taurus IC. You are a private person and you might not post much on social media or that often. Only your family and really close friends know what you value, what you like and desire. You have most of your 4th house is Gemini. Your parents emphasized communication and conversation in your early life. Maybe you learnt how to be polite, well mannered early on. You probably liked to read a lot of books or your parents often read to you. There might have been gossiping in your family or around your family. You talked a lot. You might have learnt how to read and speak early on. If you have any siblings, they are Aries or Taurus. Those can be your cousins, close friends from elementary and high school or other family relatives. Even some of your neighbours can be those signs. In your elementary and high school years you were steady fast. You liked learning and doing homework, studying at your own pace and step by step. You didn’t like big chunks of information at once since it overwhelmed you. You have Virgo Moon in the 8th house. You might have a very deep, complex and intense bond with your mother. She can be over loving, overbearing at times (almost to the point of suffocating you), but she really loves you. She is a perfectionist and can be over critical over you at times too. She is an organised lady, who likes cleanliness. You have Libra Sun in the 9th house. Your father influenced you in a way to go after your wants and desires in life and really push you to establish yourself. He probably knows people from all walks of life and with different backgrounds due to Sun trine Uranus. He is freedom loving, adventurous and polite. He is quite diplomatic. He might have worked abroad, with foreigners or foreign people at a certain point in life. Or he works in the educational field. He might even be a preacher! Or he works in a field where there is some sort of art involved, building or designing. Or even law!

PARTNERSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS

Your friends are Gemini, Cancer, Sagittarius, Scorpio and Capricorn. In your romantic relationships you attract Cancer, Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius and Libra. You have Scorpio Venus in the 9th house. You attract a lot of people who are intense, deep thinkers, mysterious and secretive, yet they like their own personal space, freedom and can be flighty. They are loyal and passionate. They like exchanging ideas, opinions, views on life with you. You have Pisces Mars in the 1st house. This is how you approach your crush, how you take action and sometimes how you act in love. You are passive, you prefer someone else approaching you. Though, you are not scared of asserting yourself. You might be torn between you taking the first step or let someone else do it. People would sometimes be scared of your intensity if you approach them first. It’s like you’re brave, determined and know exactly what you like. You like artistic people, who also have a knack for business and are still kind, compassionate and loving. You have Leo Descendant. You might project a proud image onto others. Or others can see you like that sometimes. In love you could attract egotistical, proud, generous, childlike people, who have good humour. You have Venus sextile Jupiter. When you’re in love, you might overlove and be very generous with your time, affection, money and attention. Venus trine Saturn. You like to provide for others, but you want the same in return. You like to be babied from time to time too. You like reliable, responsible, loyal people. You might date someone who is older or younger than your own age. And you have Venus square Neptune. You might attract people who need “healing” or can have even certain emotional or mental difficulties or some repressed feelings. You can idealize them or think that your love might somehow “heal” them. You love people unconditionally and have a lot of universal love for others.  

CAREER, PROFESSIONAL LIFE, PUBLIC IMAGE

You have Sun conjunct Mercury. This is a writer’s placement! You could do well in publishing, marketing and any communication field, even journalism. You are very proud of your mind and intelligence, so your mind and ego is directly tied. You like others praising you for your way of thinking and how your “mind” works. In fact you might have broken off a relationship, because you didn’t like “how their mind works” or what their thinking process is. You also know how to compliment people and know just the right words to appeal to them! You have Saturn in the 6th house. You might have certain difficulties with your coworker in your day to day life. Even some difficulties with other authority figures, such as parents, teachers, professors. This takes a great tool on your physical and mental health. You might have a set routine or you don’t like changing it often. You don’t like any disruption or changes in your day-to-day life. Your 6th house is in Cancer and Leo. Even though you have Pisces on the first, you have a bit of Leo in the 6th house. This indicates that you are a proud coworker. You might even talk in a condescending voice sometimes or boss other people around. You like to be the one in charge. But you still do it in a diplomatic way due to so much Libra energy. With Cancer here, you need a lot of emotional connection to your work. Your day job needs to be emotionally fulfilling for you. You have Taurus North Node in the 3rd house. This indicates your life purpose and what you are here to learn in this lifetime. You need to learn how to stabilize and ground yourself. How to set your own value system. With 3rd house you might end up being a writer or a speaker or somehow work with communication and even foreign languages. With Aries in the 2nd and Capricorn Chiron you might not like the 9 to 5 job and would benefit from being your own boss and be self employed at certain points in your life. You also need to learn a steady, step by step approach to dealings with 3rd house, such as your relationship with your siblings, family relatives, neighbours, close friends, communication, talking, writing and speaking. You have Scorpio MC. Like I mentioned previously, you are a private person, general public, people on social media, your boss, teacher, mentors don’t know much about your personal life. You view this aspect as very private and intimate, so you don’t discuss it much. But most of your 10th house is already in Sagittarius. You might be seen as bluntly honest sometimes or like a bit of a preacher. You like to fight for truth and freedom. You might post or talk about religious, culture, current affairs or travelling on social media or when you’re in public settings. You have Sagittarius Pluto in the 11th house. You have intense hopes, wishes and desires for the future. To the point sometimes even scares you a bit. You might dream of “freedom” in whichever form this comes for you, either financial freedom, travelling or expanding your mind and horizon. You might even like the idea of a bit more unconventional, spiritual, “boho” lifestyle.

ADDITIONAL OBSERVATIONS You have Chiron in Capricorn in the 12th house. There is a wound when it comes to your career. And it is connected with your Saturn in the 6th house. You might not like working for others or in a team. You might dislike the dread of a daily grind. You might even suffer health issues because of your job and dislike of the working environment! You have Saturn, Pluto and Jupiter currently transiting your 12th house. This means you might have had trouble sleeping or you reconsidered and evaluated endings, got some closure with certain topics, someone might have even died in your circle of acquaintances. You might find yourself thinking more about spirituality, endings, closures, suffering, sadness, grieff. You might isolate more at this time (not just due to corona, since the transit is around 1 and a half to two years long). You might like to spend more time on your solitary hobbies or work alone. You could also be dealing with forgiveness a lot at this time. You might find it harder to take action and be assertive. It’s like you’re more passive. You have Sagittarius Part of Fortune in the 11th house. Your friends, friend circle can benefit you too! You might learn through them a lot or expand your understanding and knowledge. You might like to travel with your friends often! You have Taurus Lilith in the 4th house. Here is where your “bad” side shows. You might be overindulging, a bit lazy and idle at home. You might be also more stubborn, highly opinionated at home or with your family members. You have Scorpio Juno in the 10th house. This indicates your ideal soulmate or ideal partner, be it platonic or romantic. They need to be intense, mysterious, hard to figure out, reliable, loyal, hard workers, responsible. They need to have deep desires and aspirations and goals. They need to be ambitious. You have Cancer Ceres in the 6th house. This represents how you wish to be nurtured and how you nurture others. You like to feed others or share food with them and really listen to them. You might like small acts of kindness and do little errands for them. You like to be appreciated and respected. You might like to form family-like bonds with others.  

CHART RULER

Your chart ruler is Uranus. The chart ruler of the 1st house is in the 1st house. This means you are your own creator of your destiny. Your personality, ego might develop through your own life experiences and characters traits. Only you can give the life you want to yourself. Here is more on this topic of life purpose by an excellent fellow astrologer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HnMdFJeXR0

HOUSE RULERS

The ruler of the 1st house is in the 1st house. You express yourself through the way you look. You express yourself through clothing and makeup. The image you project affects your ability to navigate through life. The ruler of the 2nd house is in the 1st house. You spend money on haircuts, manicures, facials and clothes. You earn money with your appearance. Self-esteem has an effect on your behavior and mannerisms. Your appearance makes you look wealthy. The ruler of the 3rd house is in the 1st house. Early education experiences shape the way that you present yourself. You like to talk about yourself. Talking, writing, singing, gossiping and diary writing are part of your personality. An interest in these activities is one of the first things people notice about you. The ruler of the 4th house is in the 9th house. You live far away from your family. You feel rooted when you gain knowledge. Home life affects your ability to travel and have foreign experiences. The ruler of the 5th house is in the 8th house. Creative talents and gifts are hidden. Hobbies revolve around the taboo or occult. The ruler of the 6th house is in the 8th house. The daily work environment must serve your need to form deep relationships. You use your knowledge of diet, nutrition and exercise to help other people transform. You want an intense work environment. The ruler of the 7th house is in the 9th house. Partners help you expand your horizons. Your partner needs to be broad-minded. You want to be with someone who likes to discuss philosophical topics. Your open enemies are people from other cultural or religious backgrounds. The ruler of the 8th house is in the 8th house. You enter sexual relationships for sex. You get emotionally entangled with other people to form deep connections. Your attitude to life and death affects your ability to deeply connect with other people. The ruler of the 9th house is in the 9th house. You find meaning by devising your own personal belief system. You travel to expand your horizons. You gain wisdom by learning about religion. You find meaning in higher education. The ruler of the 10th house is in the 11th house. You expect your friends to be ambitious. You choose friends who have won awards and made achievements. Your true vocation involves the structure of organizations and groups. You have a professional approach to the groups you get involved with. You want to be in a profession that has an audience. The ruler of the 11th house is in the 7th house. You want your partner to have the same long term hopes and dreams. You want to reform attitudes to marriage. You want your partner to approve of your friends. People you meet over the internet have the potential to become significant partners. You bring your friends into your significant relationships. You commit to clubs and groups. The ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house. You experience sorrow and loss through health issues. Being alone too much causes health issues. You have an imaginative approach to diet and health. You desire to escape from daily life. You want to merge with your work.