#I feel kinda silly getting emotional over a fic I don't even like anymore being recommended but it actually means the world to me

[rayisatadbitcrazy]

Imagine one day you're me, having a grand ol time scrolling through the ethubs tag and then

BAM

That's my fic! Mine! I think I just had a heart attack! I haven't posted a new chapter in forever due to not having the motivation, but seeing that people (I'm looking at you anon) enjoy my silly brain dumps that I turn into writing is honestly everything (Especially since This Was Home is one of my least favorite works I've written now)

[lusthurts]

Fic Writers Tag

got tagged by @daisyishedwig, thank you :))

and I'll tag @vrt77 and anyone else who wants to do it!

how many works do you have on ao3?

I only have 10 on ao3, I originally started writing on fanfiction.net in like 2011 or something, and no one will ever get that username out of me lol I would've deleted the account but I don't want to be the kind of fic writer that deletes things just because I'm not proud of them anymore.

I used to cross-post everything from ao3 on there because it's the roots of why I enjoy fanficiton, but I don't anymore, mostly because it's a lot of work and I get frustrated with not being able to tag things + having to write super short summaries.

2. what's your ao3 word count?

currently at 345,703 & will be at about 400k when I finish posting my wip

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Glee, and it's surprisingly always been Glee. That's taken different forms over the years, like there were several years where I wasn't posting anything and was just doing some silly little instagram rp with some great friends I made. But Glee is how I discovered fanfiction in the first place, and it's consistently been the one fandom I feel connected enough to write this much about.

I have dabbled in other things over time - wrote a Girl Meets World fic I never finished, got really into some teen shows like Pretty Little Liars, 90210, Gossip Girl, etc. when I was a teenager. But I've pretty consistently only posted glee fics.

4. top 5 fics by kudos

For Real This Time (280), Something More (180), How Bright We Burn (178), slipped away like a bottle of wine (120), and invisible string (102)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Yes, I try to respond to every comment unless it's super short/I have nothing to say. I usually try to avoid spoilers, and I generally like to treat comments more as my opportunity to make friends/chat with readers about the characters/the ship/the plot.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 11:11, it's a canon compliant one shot about slushy-gate which basically just involves Sebastian and Blaine both independently being angsty about everything that went down and wondering what went wrong in their friendship, and by the time Sebastian comes around and apologizes, it's too late.

Some of my other one shots don't necessary have happy endings, but they do have optimistic endings, so I think 11:11 is the only one that counts as straight up angst.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think Something More - don't wanna spoil it, but I think that's the nature of writing a fic where the characters are a little older and you can just feel that the happy ending is permanent, rather than when they're teenagers and happy endings can be very short lived.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Not really, and I can be kinda sensitive lol so I'm glad I don't.

Most of the time if I do get hate, it's not criticizing me as a writer but rather criticizing the way the characters are behaving (which I guess is a reflection of me as a writer because sometimes it's because they don't like the way I've written characters), but I can move past that pretty easily because I realize everyone has different head canons, especially for characters like Sebastian who get like less than 10 episodes of canon screen time.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Not really? I mean, some of the things I've written toe the line between smut and fade to black (like How Bright We Burn, For Real This Time, & The Way I Loved You, mostly) but I like to think I do so in a way that is way more focused on feelings and emotions than what body part goes where. Even in How Bright We Burn where sex is like a very big part of their arc, most of the way you know what's going on is from Blaine's inner monologue or Sebastian's jokes, not so much from me just like describing the scene.

I mostly don't think I'm great at writing smut, and I've found I really like the style of writing about sex that like Casey McQuiston uses in "Red, White, & Royal Blue" where it's not smut but rather indirectly describing what's going down with a huge focus on the emotions at play. If you've read the book, I feel like you'd understand what I mean, but I don't know how else to describe it.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I do not, mostly because there's not really a fandom I'm as passionate about as Glee that I feel like could go well together. I do hope some day I find the inspiration to write a Flash/Glee crossover fic, but who knows. Back in like 2011 when I first started writing fanfiction, I would sometimes include like one or two characters from other fandoms, maybe as like a roommate when a character went to college or as some background character, but nowadays I prefer to write OCs for those purposes.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but who knows honestly. I did have some writing I did on a fandom Instagram at one point + some edits stolen, and it was crazy because they blocked me so that I wouldn't find out but didn't bother to block any of my friends.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope :) I feel like someone asked me once if they could, but I never heard anything back from them after I said yes.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, but I did some Instagram RP back in the day that felt very much like co-writing. I had this Klaine RP that really helped me develop the way I write Blaine, and I think I had a Blam one too. But I enjoyed writing the friendships a lot more. I was Blaine and really close with someone who played Tina & someone who played Brittany, so those friendships became super important to me.

14. fave all time ship?

I mean,, my favorite to write is Seblaine and I'm obsessed with them. Their relationship is so special to me and I've never enjoyed writing about anyone as much as I do with them. I've been a Glee fan since I was in middle school when it was still on air, but I never really shipped them to this extent until I rewatched for the 800th time during the pandemic. Since then, they've been my OTP. They're both just very dynamic characters with infinite writing potential, and I love that neither of them is perfect, and there's so much from canon left unsaid that I get to explore. I'm also a sucker for friends to lovers and enemies to lovers, and Seblaine has elements of both.

But some other favorite ships include Wolfstar (Harry Potter), firstprince (Red, White, & Royal Blue), Gallavich (Shameless), Shara & Chloe (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Evelyn & Celia (The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo), Nick & Jess (New Girl), Barney & Robin (How I Met Your Mother), & Jake & Amy (Brooklyn 99).

15. wip you want to finish but doubt you will?

I honestly don't have many of these, mostly because I tend to write entire projects at a time then move onto something else, at least with fanfiction. But I do have this little spooky halloween one shot au I started like two years ago and haven't felt motivated to finish because I'm just not good at writing spooky things.

I also have this sort of longfic I worked on for a really long time as a way to deal with something going on in my life, but I doubt I will ever finish it or post any of it because it's lowkey traumatic (deals with like car accidents & the death of a child) and I doubt anyone would be interested in reading something like that. It's Seblaine but involves a lot of Glee characters I haven't written beyond brief scenes in like 10+ years, like Finn, Rachel, Quinn, etc.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I like to think I'm good at writing like anxiety and very detailed internal monologues. I sometimes feel like I include too much of it, but it's always come very naturally to me. I also think I've gotten a lot better in the last year or so at writing funny side characters and dialogue in a group setting.

And I think I've gotten a lot better at writing chemistry and building that chemistry over time instead of skipping to the good part right away - the evolution of that skill to me is very apparent in how I wrote For Real This Time vs. How Bright We Burn.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

lol smut

I also think I tend to not trust myself enough and end up writing exactly what's going on instead of like implying it. I just want readers to understand so bad that I sometimes feel the need to explicitly say what a character is thinking or feeling, which isn't always what you want, especially when it's a character whose POV I'm not writing.

Also I think my sentence structure can be kinda not great. I write really long wordy run-on sentences too often when it should probably be reserved as a narrative device.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I know a lot of French - I took it for five and a half years and keep up with it on Duolingo so I don't forget anything. I wouldn't call myself fluent, but I can generally understand it in reading and writing. That's the only language I'd be comfortable writing in other than English, which is SO convenient because you know who else is fluent in French? Sebastian ;)

19. first fandom you wrote for?

glee! nothing has changed lol

20. fave fic you've written?

How Bright We Burn! It is my nature that whatever I'm working on at that moment is my favorite thing. I'm really proud of the slow burn in that fic and the character development work I've done for Blaine and Sebastian but also for the side characters like Nick, Jeff, etc. and even my OCs like Ethan. But I'm even more excited about the sequel because it's something I've never really attempted to this extent before, and that's the thing that I'm actively working on since How Bright We Burn is done other than some minor editing.

also gonna shout out 11:11 because I think that is the best job I've ever done with writing angst, and it was both challenging and rewarding for me to write

[chanedart]

Of Inverted Hearts and Goodbyes

kinda angsty...First time posting a fic here -- Please be gentle

The Avatar of Lust begged you with all his heart, something he've never done before --even when his Father punished him, Lilith and his brothers from the heavens.

Of course, he knew he won't ever be the jewel of your eyes. There was Lucifer who was always dependable, Mammon who was always protective, or Levi who you get along with. He's not as witty as Satan, not as sweet as Beelzebub or as honest as Belphie. Perhaps Simeon was right all along. He didn't want to admit it, but the angel's questions have break something in him.

He have always upheld himself as the most charming prince of hell, tempting right and left for millenias. Body open for everyone, heart closed to hide his insecurities. "Of course, you like me, I'm the most beautiful"-- a mantra he says as he sits on his vanity mirror. Funny, right? Vanitas should be close to Superbia but it felt like he should also claim that (it's not fair that Lucifer already has everything, he'd thought). He knew he acted and sounded shallow but beneath beauty and charms, what was he?

Father always told him how he lusted too much for something he could never have. "Nothing's enough with that frozen heart of yours. Love doesn't exist in you."

Asmodeus the angel tried to be the perfect child for him. Jewel of the heavens, they called him. Asmodeus the demon dragged the title with him when he fell and used it to his advantage to corrupt souls.

And then you came. The human exchange student was like a cute little pet. The pitiful being left in his scumbag brother's hands. He didn't understand why Solomon seemed interested with you.

When you pulled that incredible power, he've felt something sparked inside him. Unlocked power. He lusted for that since the beginning.

But when you both made a pact, another feeling stirred inside him. Something that grew as the two of you spend time together. Time that was scarce with how his brothers hoard your time. He was forced with make-up sessions, shopping, and helping you to prepare a date for someone who's not him. Pick-up lines and innuendos across the dining table you only smile politely at. Beel had once stopped munching to stare at the cupcakes Asmo have shoved in his mouth angrily, Satan and Lucifer snorting beside him. You were horsing around with Mammon, Belphie and Levi that time. He felt the six minor sins and his major sin screaming at him.

He wasn't lusting after your body or soul anymore (shame on him, he wouldn't admit that as avatar of lust). He yearned for the things he had deemed shallow than sex. Your laughter, your touch. Your love.

"You seem...more subdued," Solomon once remarked, as he stirred something with a funny smell in his cauldron. "I wonder if it's only power that MC drew out of you. Interesting."

"Shut up, Solomon." He crossed out the outfit he was doodling on the sketchbook (a gift from the sorcerer after erasing Asmo's drawings on his notes for the umpteenth time). It doesn't suit their eyes...

"Hmm. You've fallen? Finally." Solomon smirked. "Pun intended."

Asmo rolled his eyes. "I don't want to hear that from someone who have countless wives and lovers."

"You all grew up so fast," Solomon had sniffed. As fake as Satan's smile. Asmo threw a paper ball at the sorcerer, at which it fell in the stinky concoction. A bubble rose and screamed curses at them before Solomon popped it with his ladle. "Jokes aside, I wish you luck."

He wished for your attention to be directed at him. He labored himself every night to be the most attractive in your eyes. Dreamy sighs as he watched you clap your hands excitedly at what Lord Diavolo said. Shouldering through the twins to walk with you across the hallways. Trying to placate Lucifer's irritation when you get in trouble. Perking up when you call his name. Asmo, Asmo, Asmo-- the sound of your voice playing in his head as he giggled on his bed, hugging a pillow. He had felt greed on wanting you alone for himself. You won't choose him solely (surely, right?) , so he have dropped multiple times he's willing to share. Even just that...

But alas, all you see in him was a playboy out to get your heart.

If his brothers hear his lowly thoughts, they'll mock him. Somewhere in Diavolo's castle, Helene must be laughing.

Belphie moaned that he didn't have time with you enough but Asmo's sure his meter (like one of those weird games Levi plays) was higher than him. You'll left tomorrow and he's still in a slow pace, or perhaps even at a standstill.

The lights in the pub casted a soft glow around you. He hiccupped. He shouldn't have drank too much.

He held your hands. They're warm like you. And he felt like he was going to lose it, succumb to that neverending unsatisfaction again without you.

"Don't leave," he repeated, the tears rolling down his cheeks. He hiccuped again. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wished that you won't mistaken that as silly drunken words. He sounded desperate. He didn't care.

You smiled. He stared, imprinting it in his mind. "Thank you," you said. You moved to hug him. "But I have to go. Lord Diavolo said the exchange program is over. The Celestial Realm is watching. I'm not allowed to stay even if I wanted to..." Your voice shook with emotion. He wrapped his arms around you. He still had questions, and you didn't answer his confession (or perhaps you rejected him already in your gentle way?), but your comfort come first.

It struck him that this might be the last the two of you will have the chance to be with each other.

He spotted golden hair outside the pub. So he clung desperately on you. Just a little more.

A little more time, he thought, before Satan reach the corner from where the two of you sat.

Forgive me, I'm rusty with words have faulty grammar and it might be OOC ;-;

I didn't expect this will evolve from a cooldown sketch to this sdfghjkl Based on my feels in Lesson 19-20--

[kaaytea]

Kuroo Tetsurou x reader

Summary: You've been avoiding him all week, and now he's starting to question what exactly you're doing when you pull Yaku into rooms with you.

Warnings: angst, cheating?, Lil fluff at the end as a treat

A/n: ITS KUROOS BIRTHDAY!!!! Kuroo is the captain of my favorite team and was one of my first favorite characters! I hope I did him justice with this lil fic also I apologize for the angst 😔

----------------------------------------------------------

Why were you avoiding him?! And on his birthday never the less!!

The whole day whenever you spotted him you'd skitter off without a second look behind you.

It was kind of annoying actually.

You hadn't said a word to him today besides your good morning text. For the first time in a long time, Kuroo was feeling kinda lonely. The past few weeks you had been slowly spending less and less time with him; this week had been the worse so far, he's only talked to you face to face about three times.

Kuroo stepped into the classroom, eyes scanning the groups of faces for you. Maybe you'd want to talk a bit before you had to go to your class like usual? He spotted you by the front of the room pointing at paper that was spread out on Kai's desk, Yaku and Kai listening intently to what you were saying.

Unfortunately, Kai noticed him walking over to the small group and nudged your arm. You looked up from the paper and froze when your eyes met with his. In a split second, you hurriedly snatched the paper from the desk shoving it into your bag then grabbed Yaku's hand and dragged him out of the classroom.

Kuroo sighed inwardly.

You sure had been spending a lot of time with Yaku these past few weeks; you seemed to almost always be around him, grabbing onto his hand, pulling him into different rooms...Whispering to him....in the halls......

Wait a minute

You couldn't actually be...

The two of you weren't.....You'd never.....Yaku wouldn't... Right?

Then why was there this awful feeling twisting in his chest, a feeling that only got heavier as he thought back on how weird you had been acting the past few weeks, like you were hiding something from him.

Kuroo felt like he was gonna throw up. Has he really been that blind? Were you actually cheating on him right under his nose, and with one of his teammates?

He sat down at his desk completely ignoring Kai's gentle greetings.

He felt numb. He also felt completely and utterly stupid.

Did Kai know? He was the one to tip you off that he was in the room. Now that he thought about it Fukunaga did something similar earlier in the week.

Did everyone know but him?

The rest of the day went by slowly. It felt like he was trapped in a pool of molasses, slowly and painfully trudging through, only to be pulled back in by his sticky thoughts and doubts.

By the time practice came around he was exhausted, emotionally and physically.

He was so out of it, he almost didn't hear Coach Nekomata wish him happy birthday with a cheery smile and a soft pat on the back.

"You're acting weird"

Kuroo glanced up at Kenma from his spot on the bench.

"What do you mean by that?"

Kenma sighed and shuffled over to sit next to him, "You keep spacing out," he mumbled softly, "you're playing stiffly and you've been avoiding Yaku like the plague."

He really can't fool Kenma, huh? I guess growing up together played a part in that.

Kuroo sighed, he unconsciously started to ring the towel in his hands. He didn't want to admit it out loud, his body started to burn from the build-up of thoughts and emotions throughout the day.

"I think (y/n)'s cheating on me," Kuroo's stomach twisted sickly at saying that sentence out loud.

"Why's that?"

"They've been avoiding me all week, they've also started being very friendly with Yaku."

Kenma almost burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation, quickly masking it with a cough.

"I don't think they'd ever cheat on you, they probably have an explanation for their behavior," Kenma said, he silently pulled out his Switch already booting up a game.

Kuroo frowned at the gym floor. He hated feeling like this.... He felt lost and hurt, a dull ache pierced his heart when his thoughts drifted to you.

Just as he was about to go help clean up the gym, Nekomata called out to him.

"Go deliver these papers to the principal for me, the directors wanted a copy of the tournament schedule."

Kuroo only nodded and made his way out of the building, at least he got out of cleaning up the gym today.

When he arrived back at the gym all of the lights were off.

That's odd....usually, there are a few people who hang back and work on solo drills.

He stepped into the dark building, searching blindly for the light switch. At this point by he just wanted to go home and sleep, it hadn't been that great of a birthday anyway.

He flipped on the lights only to be startled by the sound of a confetti popper.

Kuroo turned around, the entire team was stood in the middle of the gym with you in the front holding a cake with a bright smile.

What?

"Happy birthday Tetsurou!!"

You handed the cake to Kai, who went off with Fukunaga to cut it, and launched yourself at him trapping him in a tight hug.

"Surprised?"

He looked down at you, his brain was still catching up with the fact that you were actually interacting with him, "...yes?"

"Ah! I’m so glad I don't have to keep a secret anymore! That was so long!" Lev shrieked.

You turned to Lev with a baffled look, "What do you mean long! I literally just told you what we were doing yesterday."

You started bantering with Lev but your conversation blurred out as something clicked in Kuroo's brain.

Yesterday?

"How long have you been planning this?"

You turned away from Lev and looked up at him, "A few weeks, Kai and Yaku helped a bunch though!"

Oh.....well that explains a lot.

Kuroo let out a sigh of relief and pulled you into his chest, you looked at him with a worried expression, "Are you ok Tetsu?"

He chuckled slightly. Could he consider himself ok if he spent the entire day thinking you had been cheating on him only to find out you were just planning a surprise party?

He got his answer as he looked into your eyes, they sparkled with love whenever you were near him and the genuine concern on your face made his heart clench.

"I'm great, (y/n)" he smiled at you then proceeded to press kisses all over your face causing you to giggle at his actions.

There was a gagging noise heard behind you causing the both of you to look in the direction of the sound.

The gagging came from Yaku with a slightly disgusted Kenma standing next to him, their faces scrunched up at your display of affection.

"We get it you're both sickeningly cute but please for our sake save the sappy stuff for later"

"You think I'm cute Yakkun?"

"Don't push your luck!"

<< ---------------------------------------------------- >>

Kuroo enjoyed the small party with the team but he was even happier now that he got to spend alone time with you. The second the both of you got back to his house he was pulling you to his room so he could cuddle you to death. After the absolute rollercoaster of emotions he went through today he needs to just hold you close to further convince himself that you wouldn't ever leave.

"Tetsurou?" you piped up from your position lying against his chest, your hand continued to twist and twirl locks of his messy hair.

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you're ok? Nothing happened today right?"

Ah

He didn't have the heart to lie to you, so he came clean. He told you about this morning where he made the silly assumption that you were cheating on him and how your behavior fit in with everything.

"Oh Tetsu, I'm so sorry! I didn't even realize what everything could have looked like from your perspective," you pulled yourself closer to him, tucking your face into his chest, "I'd never cheat on you, ok? And I don't plan on leaving you any time soon.... you're too important to me."

What you said was barely above a whisper but those words rang loudly in Kuroo's heart.

His eyes burned slightly with unshed tears as he pressed his face to the top of your head.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you either, (y/n)."