#I feel even dumber cause I frequently dress so over the top and silly

[periru3]

Like. I KNOW it isn’t silly to be nervous about wearing a binder in public for the first time in like 6 years. Especially when the last time was in college. And I had a bajillion queer friends. And this time is to a not specifically gay bar where I vaguely know a couple people. And I’ve historically presented as really femme in this setting. But it still FEELS silly to be nervous about like…. Conspicuous GNC presentation when I came out as genderqueer like 12 years ago.

While trying to explain this to my partner every explanation of what felt silly was just the dumbest thing I’ve ever said. I was like “it’s that I feel so good when I look like this I worry other people will look at me and be like………… ‘they look happy, how embarrassing?’ But like… that’s so dumb.”

I feel like I’m playing dress up and everyone around me is going to simultaneously call me on it.

Which is ridiculous. No one’s even gonna comment on it.

So I’m simultaneously like there’s no actual need to feel anxious but also it’s STILL a super normal and reasonable thing to feel anxious about and guilting myself for feeling anxious or saying I’m too old to feel that anxiety is just…. Not making the situation any better.