#I feel bad because I always feel this sense of relief whenever Oliver’s able to block a shot by Blue Lock lol

[ishouldnotbhere]

the build-up of barou’s king moment 😩 i know it’s just around the corner aaaaaa and how amazing of aiku’s flow to be activated by everyone’s individual plays and (almost) flow moments?? captain ought to show off before blue lock ends them (?) CANT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

AAAAAAH IKR omg I love how Barou just does not give a flying fuck what people think! Somehow I wish we could see the midfielders’ and strikers’ (Sae’s and Shidou’s) reactions to Blue Lock’s offenses??!

It’s weird because you would think Barou and Shidou would be similar in terms of their unpredictability and spontaneity, but Barou’s behavior actually seems to somehow contrast Shidou’s. Compared to how blatantly Barou barrels through others, dismisses their presences, and ignores their contributions to the team play, Shidou, weirdly enough, is much more… cooperative. It’s incomprehensible to even conceive of Shidou as a collaborative dude, but there’s evidence to demonstrate it. He butts heads with Rin, who is unwilling to acknowledge Isagi’s quick thinking on the field, because unlike Rin, Shidou truly enjoys good soccer. Unlike the others, who all have their own motives unrelated to soccer (Reo’s attachment to Nagi, Rin’s desire to outmatch his brother, even Kunigami’s goal to be a “hero”, etc.), Shidou’s interest is decidedly pure. Untainted. It’s just fundamentally, unabashedly, soccer. He loves the game fiercely. That’s all the reason he needs to play it.

Shidou just expresses his passion in a crude way (the whole “seed” and “womb” and “breeding” analogy). And yeah, it’s fucking weird, but it just goes to show Shidou basks in soccer at its core—a team-based sport in which the greater the individual talent, the more vibrant the outcome. And Shidou loves that. He acknowledges teammates who bring that dynamism to the game, who invigorate it, and it excites him even more to integrate it. His sexuality is soccer basically, lmao. I see him as the kind of person who’s willing to date anyone of any gender as long they’re good (as per his standards) at the sport. It’s why he’s more than happy to give Isagi the spotlight, back when he was in Blue Lock. It’s why he plays synergistically with Sae, and lets Sae take the lead, because he greatly admires Sae’s strategy and ability. Shidou really is quite animalistic and childlike in nature, but not in a bad way. His basest instincts are grounded in soccer. All someone needs to do is ignite or peak his curiosity, and he’ll be all over them.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever watched Hunter x Hunter, but Shidou sort of reminds me of Gon. Gon gets a lot of bad rep from the fandom, but what people forget is that Gon was literally just a child raised in isolation from the rest of the world. So his overtly extreme, violent reactions to traumatic events stems from the fact that his undeveloped, childhood insecurities, which had yet to mature, were now buttressed by incredible power that no child could understand, manage, or even ought to have. In the same way, Gon’s immediate attachment to new friends who match his level of talent arises from an essential lack of familial support throughout his growing years. While I’m not saying that Shidou actually had that sort of upbringing, his instantaneous bonds with players of similar capability, as well as his erratic mood swings between things which pique his interest and things which don’t, mirror that sort of childlike immaturity. But they’re not irrational. They can be explained (if not justified); they’re amoral, rather than immoral. It’s kind of sad, then, the way everyone treats Shidou as some sort of demon, when in fact his passion for soccer is the clearest out of everyone else’s.

Man, do I want Shidou’s backstory already.

Barou, on the other hand, is a beast of his own caliber. This guy is, weirdly enough, worse than Shidou because there’s no fucking possibility he’s going to play nice with anyone else on his team. I feel he truly embodies the spirit of “ego” Ego was trying to instill in Blue Lock. Barou’s connection to soccer is the precise opposite of Shidou’s; the other end of the spectrum: if Shidou’s is unadulterated (“soccer for soccer’s sake”), Barou’s is wholly selfish (“soccer for my sake”). Unlike Reo, Nagi, Kunigami, Isagi, Bachira, Rin, or literally anybody else, there was no sense of human attachment or feeling of personal insecurity that sparked Barou’s passion for soccer. His backstory proves that the literal reason Barou likes soccer was, well, he was just better than everybody else. I’m the King. I’m the only one who belongs, and all of you will bow. Which, of course, is not how soccer, or any team-based sport for that matter, works, and that’s why he’s going to come in clutch for Blue Lock. He’s a singularity, and he’s single-handedly going to rock the game off its course. The thing about experts going head-to-head is that experts know what the other might play. What is truly fearsome is the beginner, and the person who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care about the rules. I, for one, am so excited to see this match unfold!

[killem-all-if-they-wont-eat-cake]

Image: Freja och Svipdag (1911) by John Bauer

My text "Freyja en Svipdag" published in Covidnine-zine, a magazine edited by the wonderful Winnie Sluis, idealized by Winnie and Lisa @oppergod, with collaboration of several amazing artists.

“With her eyes closed and very sleepy, she could feel the sea breeze on her face and hear the sound of the tide breaking in nine waves, one after the other, until she finally managed to open her eyelids.

At first, she discerned arches and pillars through the blurred image, which she later identified as the ruins of an old cathedral. The stone foundations of this structure immediately reminded her of Glastonbury Abbey. The sound of the violin came to her, as well as the seagulls’ song and the gallop of a gray horse mounted by a masked young man, who headed in her direction. On the beach, an old lady recited the stanzas of ancient poems. Coffins swept across the sand, such as fragments of a shipwreck. The corpse of the violinist, who once was Yorick, the court jester, suddenly stopped the music, marveling at the horizon and contemplating his next song, as follows:

'Oh  Páter if I only knew who she was...  I swear I would have sought her earlier!  Oh Páter, here comes Gwena, who traces  This plot, full of diminished chords...

Tis  fire, aye, ‘tis pipe’s ember,  Burning slow and steady, steaming  And if I inhale, choke and clear my throat  Bitter-sweet is her surrender, such a delight  This woman...

Yet  I think she keeps  Something restrained  For the One of the strings...

She  dares not look but only glimpse

Her  bearing ever so high,  Still entrapped in a gilded cage  From which one tries to break  With a treble clef... Egnis! Egnis!

Aye,  see as it burns strong,

It is painful for Gaius,  Her way of walking and fluttering  Always a promise of the foreign

 Though  beware not to cut yourself;  For she is like As-Sirāt,  Even if broken, she remains sharp.

More  so she is intricate and complex,  Full of ardor and nothing else,  And seems entirely anti-flustered  Ah! ... but if there is a breach...

 “Tis  for sure the apple-tree”  I answer myself.  Since when I wandered haphazardly,  Wandering, wondering, though not seeing  If there was indeed an olive tree...

 Thus,  if the fire she already brought;  And I always have some cider;  Only the gold is wrought...

What  fire is that?  Mighty and aristocratic,  Convoluted and anti-pragmatic.

Alas,  we get to the story’s end,

If  you expected me to be light-hearted

To  speak of her beauty or noble

character,

 You  don’t see me for who I really am

For  only the sublime pain of a burn

Compares  to shall be required

To  conquer her troublesome

Spirit.

 Nevertheless,  if I allow myself

A  final indulgence, I think it goes

Without  saying.. that she’s beautiful,

Dignified,  and a relief to the eyes,

(Though  quite difficult to contain)

That’s  why I have fallen...O Páter!”

The rider dismounted and removed his mask, revealing a quite familiar face.

Then he burst into tears, moans, and screams, calling out the name “Sophie! Sophie!” A cacophony of chimes and carillon began at an Episcopal belfry, the imposing figure of a castle appeared behind the mist. Brísingamen, the fiery torque, sparkled around her neck as she rose, entirely dressed in white. The young man, who wore black garments, offered her his hand, and spoke:

 “Dear Sophie, your father awaits us.”

 The strangest thing happened; she felt her lips moving without having ordered so. “My darling Joris, at last you have come for me.”

 Although she did not know exactly how, she remembered the young man in front of her was her betrothed, and that they referred to each other by the names of the saints which the ephemeris fell on their respective birthdays. His on the feast day of Sint-Joris van Cappadocië, and hers on that of St. Sophie van Rome.

 “Sophie, the owl told me the baker shall hold a banquet in our honour!”

 “O, here, have a daisy” she said, taking a flower from the garland adorning her long blonde hair. “I would give you give you some violets, but they all withered when the fishmonger sailed to Crete.”

 “Indeed, Aerope told me that Catreus’ ashes are still warm.”

 They walked side by side, with hands intertwined, wearing wicked smiles as they climbed the hill where the castle's Tor stood. Upon arriving, they were received by the King of Guilder and the rest of his progeny.

 “Welcome, my children, to Kasteel Groninger! Our earthly paradise. Pray, remember the road ahead is still long. Fredegund anxiously awaits Siegbert's return, in deep sleep at the Mountain of Obstacles. Do not forget that: Fafnir must yet perish and Sigrdrífa still needs to be stripped of her armour” King Aegir affectionately warned, embracing both Sophie, whom he recognized as his youngest daughter, and Joris, his future son-in-law.

 "Your majesty, I assure you I shall be worthy enough to wed Lady Menglöð" replied Joris, referring to Sophie, the princess of Guilder, by her true name.

 “Heer Valentijn,” asked King Aegir, also calling Joris by his birth name “I believe the sacrifice of Galswintha will not have been in vain: Faith, Hope and Charity shall be glorified, but do not forget to greet your new sisters.”

 With their faces veiled and sitting on the stairs of an old church, the nine daughters of Aegir, presented themselves one by one. The oldest was called Schnecke, “Bloody-hair”, thus called in virtue of her red hair; the second went by the name of Mimi, the “Billow”, therefore known due to her being prone to fits of nervousness; the third was called Caroline, the “Comber”, because of her explosive temper; the fourth answered by Lily, “Pearl-transparent”, on the account of her translucent complexion; the fifth was named Henriette, the “Small-Wave”, due to her short height; the sixth answered by Olga, the “Lifting”, on account of her extraordinary intelligence; the seventh was called Hannah, the “Great-Wave”, thus known for her bulkiness;  the eighth daughter was Jeannette, called the “Well of Origin” for having the habit of reciting prophetic riddles every time somebody asked her something; the last of them, Friederike, the “Cool-Wave”, was therefore called on account of her cold manners.

 Each of them, as Joris approached, answered him with witty sentences related to each of their epithets. At the end of these parables, King Aegir once again addressed him:

 “Valentijn van Florin, I give you my word as sovereign of Guilder that the most beautiful flower in my garden is your dear Sophie, who at this very hour tomorrow you shall take as your wife. Such a marriage will unite our two rival kingdoms under a single crown, as intended your kinsman, Prince Humperdinck, though in far less auspicious circumstances.”

 The bride and the groom waltzed through the castle, covering the walls of each room with snow. Whenever Joris asked if she wanted to be his wife, Sophie burst into hysterical laughing, which echoed throughout the stairs. Sometimes she replied she first owed vassalage to another lord, who was certainly sterner and bonier. This ‘danse macabre’ continued until they faced the stained windows of the cathedral, when the black priest signaled them to stop. For this reason, the nine waves blew out the candles on the candelabrum, one by one, forming a fairy-ring around the two of them and joining their dance wildly.

 Joris mused for a moment and said:

 “Three times nine girls, but one girl rode ahead,

white-skinned under her helmet;

the horses were trembling, from their manes

dew fell into the deep valleys,

hail in the high woods;

good fortune comes to men from there;

all that I saw was hateful to me.”

 For the celebrations to continue Sophie was taken to the hall of Suttungr, while Joris was given the task of finding the severed head of Mimir. Locked up in the chamber of Invitation to Battle, Sophie was punished for exercising her prerogative in choosing differently from what the All-father had commanded. There, Huginn and Muninn, her liege's crows, whispered bad omens at her ears as she repeatedly painted a Byzantine icon of the Virgin of Mercy.

 “Torture me all you want,” she said to her tormentors “a tearing joy overwhelms my soul. Plato's aesthetic dictates the beauty of forms is equivalent to the greater good and that which is purer. I merely follow the example of Paris in his preference for the ‘kallistei’; the beloved is always chosen for blind love, and only love. I admit I may be wrong, but I still believe that his heart is as good and generous as I sensed on our first meeting. The world is sustained by hope, we believe in what we want to believe and how we want to believe; it does not matter if nature and experience tell us otherwise. My dreams have never betrayed me, my heart has never lied to me: it is necessary to follow one’s deepest desires, for they are ordained by the Norns.”

 In retaliation, the crows of the one-eyed king pecked at her ears until her neck was covered in blood. Ignoring the pangs of pain, Sophie continued to draw the icon that depicted a beautiful sleeping maiden, whose closed eyes showed an expression of tenderness and parted lips outlined a tenuous, albeit provocative smile, as though she was caught in a sensuous dream.

 Hence, Sophie chanted in low voice:

“What sort of dream is that, Odin?

I dreamed I rose up before dawn

to clear up Valhöll for slain people.

I aroused the Einheriar,

bade them get up to strew the benches,

clean the beer-cups,

the valkyries to serve wine

for the arrival of a prince.”

At the same time, Joris rode up to the Mountain of Obstacles, where the earth shook and a pit of flames reaching the sky surrounded the red gold of the gods. In this desolate place, the guardian at the gate, who was also the chieftain of the dwarves, gave Joris the sword of anger and the shield of wisdom with which he was able to defeat the horrible serpent, Jörmungandr.

After licking a drop of the creature’s blood on his finger, Joris was given the gift of understanding the crows’ language, which then instigated him to come to the chamber of Invitation to Battle. As soon as he entered the room, he blew on the horn he carried on his neck by a chain. The Virgin awoke from her feverish dream.

Sitting on a golden throne, the queen-like Sophie gladly received him in her father's hall:

“For nine lives I have awaited you, and for nine days you have hanged on the Sefirotic Tree. To you I give my gray horse, so you can ride to Gamla Uppsala; for Memory can only be restored when Gjallahorn descends to the well of origin. There, Heidr will offer you one of her full tits. Drink patiently, but steadily.”

“Frigga, my dear wife, all I ask is for you to grant me knowledge of the nine worlds.”

Before proceeding with her husband’s request, Sophie prayed for eloquence and intelligence, taking her lute in her hand, singing the most beautiful song of shadow and dawn. She praised the day, the night, the gods and goddesses, and the Holy Land where the Nazarene was crucified. After prayer, she harvested liquid from three of her father’s most precious cauldrons and prepared the elixir of life and death, stating it contained enchantments, blessings, songs and runes of power, manliness and pleasure of the flesh and soul.

Sophie told Joris that in the beginning there was nothing, and this nothing was called Njörun. When Njörun became aware of herself, she begot Njöðr. From the union between these two, Mardöll was born. The latter was self-suficient, loving herself and being therefore happy. However, curiosity caused the goddess to create a mirror from her own breath, and when she contemplated her own reflection, she fell madly in love with it. Since then, she divided herself in two: Mardöll of Fire, who saw the image, and Mardöll of Ice, the image seen. After tracing a runic symbol on her body and whispering over it, her reflection became Yngve, her twin brother. The two of them began a frantic dance that culminated in intercourse, from where emerged the rest of the runic spirits.

Sophie then told him how Mardöll first taught the runes to the All-father, how he held the head of Mimir and uttered wise words; and that from them flowed the worlds of the Æsir, Vanir, giants, elves, and humanity. She went on to count all the kinds of runes that Joris needed to know and how to use them. At last asking him if he would like speech or silence from her. To which Joris replied he was not afraid of knowing his fate, even if that meant death.

Shortly after, she took his horn, in which she poured the Mead of Poetry, while rambling: “The beautiful should not perish; the fair should not perish. Eternal love of immortal soul, glittering through my skin like fins. Drop by drop, your spirit will return to me, the first drop will be heavenly!”

The moment Joris took the last sip of this precious drink, the walls opened, and the drums played. King Aegir and the nine waves were finally welcomed to the wedding feast. Circling an oath-ring on a trunk, the sovereign of Guilder joined the hands of his daughter and son-in-law, making a cut on each of their palms so that their blood could mix. Joris and Sophie intertwined their fingers and together declared:

“Ubi tu Askr

Ego Embla;

Ubi tu Embla,

Ego Askr.”

“When thou art the Ash

I shall be the Elm;

When thou art the Elm

I shall be the Ash.”

“Grímnir, the greatest of all gods, is here, he proclaims you to be one flesh, consecrated to him” decreed King Aegir as the newlyweds resumed their bridal dance, accompanied by the nine waves, who happily sang:

“Stampa hårt i marken,

Låt säden flyta  runt,

Ta emot den unga  flickan,

Frej i älskog,

Freja i älskog.”

“Step hard on the ground,

Let the seed fly,

Welcome the Young Maiden,

Freyr in lovemaking,

Freyja in lovemaking.”

Joris enveloped Sophie in a lustful embrace, with each whirl more ardent than before, ‘til they both lost their balance and fell backwards in the hay. At this moment, Thanatos, the black priest showed up uninvited:

“I am a polar bear who has floated here from Greenland on an iceberg. May the gods bless your matrimony with such perennial beauty as that from the coupling of Zeus and Leda. As a wedding gift, I bring you a veil made for an Arabian princess. Please, accept it. O Vanadís, daughter of the king of kings.”

Upon hearing this, Sophie let out a long shriek. She understood what those words meant. For three nights, she and Joris made love at moonlight, in the presence of the court of Guilder and all the creatures of the universe. On the morning of the fourth day, he had to leave her side to wander the nine worlds, bringing the sacred knowledge he acquired to whichever mortals he found. Weeping, Sophie bade adieu to her husband with the following greeting:

“My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great. My sisters receive the heroes at Fólkvangr, serving mead to those slain in battle. When the ash commune with the elm, you shall return to me. Not a second after, not a second before.”

The black priest then proceeded to lead them to the calvary, placing two wreaths of thorns on their heads. “I crown thee, Freyja and Óðr.”

For nine days and nights, Sophie bitterly mourned her lost husband, crying tears of gold for his sake. Once again trapped in the Mountain of Obstacles, she cried out for mercy to the one who was older than time itself:

“That man hon fólkvig fyrst í heimi,

er Gullveig geiru studdu

ok i hǫll Hárs hana brendu;

thrysvar brendu thrysvar borna,

opt, ósjaldan, tho hon enn lifir!

Heidi hana hétu, hvars til húsa kom,

vǫlu velspá,  vitti hon ganda

seid hon hvars hon kunni,

seid hon hugleikin,

æ var hon angan illrar brudar.”

“She remembers the first war in the world,

when Gullveig was hoist on the spears

in the High-One’s hall they burned her;

three times they burned the three times born

often, not seldom; yet she lives! 

She was called Heidr at the village,

the wise völva knew how to cast spells

she practiced seiðr whenever she could

with ravished soul, she performed seiðr,

She was always sought by wicked women.”

As she asked for divine intervention, Sophie devoted herself to the hard work required by the spinning wheel. As though passing in a trance through Psyche's trials, she was accompanied by her sisters, who danced around her, hand in hand. The first branches of the elm emerged from her heart, which enwrapped her in just a few minutes. From her withered body, the most majestic tree of Fensalir was formed. Three times she was struck by lightning, three times she burned; only to be three times reborn the next dawn.

When Joris at last returned from his travels around the world, finding her in such a state he declared:

“Nu em ec aptr kominn,

fát gat ec thegiandi thar;

margom orthom melta ec i minn frama i Suttungs sǫlom.

Gunnlad mer um gaf gunom stóli á

drycc ins dyra miathar; ill ithgiold

let ec hana eptir hafa

sins ins heila hugar

sins ins  svara seva.”

“Now I have come again,

I’d have hardly made it so far;

without speaking great words to my advantage in the hall  of Suttungr.

Gunnlöð gave me, from her golden throne

The precious drink of mead; a poor payment

I gave her in return

for her whole soul

for her  burdened spirit.”

With these sorrowful words he also became an ash tree, his roots becoming entangled with hers. From their union emerged a magnificent swan egg which cracked in two beautiful girls. The Æsir called them Hnoss and Gersemi, the Twin Treasures.’

[randomrichards]

BEST MOVIE MOMENTS OF 2020

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Abe Makes Dinner from ABE

Teen chef protégé Abe (Stranger Thing’s Noah Schnapp) hopes that his dinner blending Israeli and Palestinian dishes will mend a bridge between his Israeli and Palestinian families (as well as his atheist father). But he gets a sad dose of reality when he learns the hard way that a wedge between families can’t always be solved with a meal.

“Wait for It” from HAMILTON

On June 16, 2016, Leslie Odom Jr. surprised many by beating Hamilton star/creator Lin-Manuel Miranda for the Best Actor award at the Tony Awards. And now they understood why thanks to Disney+ presenting the musical. And it all has to do with the song “Wait for It.”

In this soulful musical number, Odom Jr. allows us to understand Aaron Burr’s beliefs in letting fate leads his path. Whether it’s winning the heart of a married woman or watching all his loved ones parish, Burr is willing to wait for destiny to reveal why. It also showcases the contrast between Burr and Hamilton. This song changes Burr from History’s villain to a complicated anti-hero.

10)          Deku and Bakugo go full Super Sayan in MY HERO ACADEMIA: HEROES RISING

My Hero Academia always delivers great action scenes and they truly shine in their latest round in the cinema.

In his final battle to protect young brother and sister Mahoro (Tomoyo Kurosawa in Japanese, Dani Chambers in English) and Katsuma (Yuka Terasaki in Japanese, Maxey Whitehead in English) from ruthless power-stealer Nine (Yoshio Inoue in Japanese, Johnny Yong Bosch in English), underdog hero-in-training Izuku “Deku” Midoriya (Daiki Yamashita in Japanese, Justin Briner in English) transfers his “One-For-All” power to hotheaded classmate Bakugo (Nobuhiko Okamoto in Japanese, Clifford Chapin in English). The result is an image of the in super powered form resembling Super Sayans.

When Deku reaches 100% power, the film suddenly turns white then stretches into abstract imagery.

Honestly, the main reason I put this on the list is because it’s pure awesome and I’m not afraid to admit it.

9)            A Survivor Model from COLLECTIVE

This documentary follows the reporters of Romanian Newspaper Gazeta Sporturilor as their investigation into the Colective Club fire in Bucharest that killed 27 people and left 180 injured exposed vast health care fraud that caused survivors to die in the hospital and would bring down the government. Another key focus is a survivor who was so badly burned she lost most of her fingers. The camera focuses on her as she watches conferences about the fire.

In a standout moment, she models for photo shoots. In this moment, we see a beautiful woman who refuses to allow her disability to stop her, revealing her power.

8)            the Wuhan Flu Song from BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM

Many best scenes of 2020 will focus on the bed scene with Tutar and Rudy Gulianni. But I prefer to focus on the scene where Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen) performs the “Wuhan Flu Song” at a Anti-Masker Rally. Not only is it deliciously cringy and hilarious, but It perfectly captures all of Cohen’s strengths as a comedic performer.

As with Borat’s previous cringy yet catchy “Throw the Jew Down the Well, Cohen uses the Borat persona exposes the ugliest side of America. Watching the Qanon conspiracy theorists cheering on Borat (under the guise of Country Steve) singing about injecting Obama with the Coronavirus horrifies while splitting sides. This moment reveals the dangerous consequences of misinformation and conspiracy theorists on society. Plus, the song is shamelessly catchy as hell.

Add the fact that Cohen was nearly attacked during this scene shows how far he’s willing to go to make a point and get a laugh.

7)            The Dinner Scene from LET HIM GO

This scene is a perfect example of how you put subtext in a scene. On the surface, It’s just Weboy matriarch Blanche (Lesley Manville) serving porkchops to her daughter in law Lorna’s(Kayli Carter) former parent in laws Margaret (Diane Lane) and George Blackledge (Kevin Costner). But with the context of Margaret and George trying to deliver Lorna and their grandson from her abusive husband, you can feel the hostility in the atmosphere.

It’s a credit to the actors and their ability to hide their aggression under a mask of southern hospitality. It’s especially true for Manville, who brings to life a woman who is a master of hiding her cruelty under a pleasant smile. She may sound welcoming to them, but you can tell something’s off about her. No wonder she’s able to manipulate the police into siding with her. Hell, many audience will be surprised when they find out she’s British in real life.

Lane matches her every step of the way with the most nuanced jabs.

It won’t get as much appreciation due to it’s unassuming nature. But it’s a perfect scene to show how to bring nuance to a performance.

6)            The Restaurant Scene from THE INVISIBLE MAN

At first, it seemed Cecilia (Elizabeth Moss) finally has the drop on her sociopathic control freak ex Adrian (Oliver Jackson-Cohen). After days being tormented by him, Cecilia finally has proof of how he turns invisible. Now she goes to a public restaurant to convince her sister Emily (Harriet Dyer). But then a  levitating knife appears out of nowhere and slits Emily’s throat before flying into Cecilia’s hands.

Director Leigh Whannell and cinematographer Stefan Duscio do an excellent job using everyday envirnoments to create a sense of unease. Whenever the camera lingers on a kitchen, you search with anxious eyes for any sign of Adrian. In this case, they use the ambience of a crowded fancy restaurant to create a false sense of security. And yet, you can’t help but wonder if Adrian’s still watching them.

It’s in this scene where title character goes from a good villain to a great villain. Here we see what a cunning monster he truly is. The scene also showcases Moss’s terrific performance as her desperate eyes showcase the complete helplessness she feels in this scenario.

5)            Edna sheds her skin in RELIC

Rarely do the words “horror” and “heartbreaking” go together, but that describes the ending to this underrated gem.

Kay (Emily Mortimer) returns to her family home to care for her mother Edna (Robyn Nevin), who seems to be suffering from dementia. Now she and her daughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) find themselves trapped in the crawlspace while fleeing a warped Edna, who has been warped by a supernatural force. With contorted joints and decaying flesh, she has become monstrous. At first it seems they have defeated Edna and are heading out the door.

Then Kay looks back to see her mother lying on the ground, struggling to breath. This brings the film into a unexpected turn as Kay carries the creature that used to be her mother to bed. When Kay peels the skin off Edna’s body to reveal a charcoal skinned, dying creature, the film goes from creepy to heartbreaing. Anyone who ever lost a loved one to dementia will recognize to devastating feeling of watching them fade away right in front of your eyes.

4)             The one-take action scene in EXTRACTION

Well, we can’t have a best movie moments of 2020 list without mentioning the 10 minute action sequence from Extraction.

As black market mercenary Tyler Rake (Chris Hemsworth) shields the kidnapped son of a drug lord from other mercenaries, his race across a Bangladesh village delivers all you want from an action movie. Fast paced car chase? Check. Semi-automatic gun battles? Check. Hand to hand combat? Check. Parkour across rooftops? You bet. Sometimes you’ll even get people get hit by cars during hand to hand combat. All of this happens while cinematographer Newton Thomas Sigel makes it look like one take.

Sure, sophisticated viewers will recognize there the cuts are hidden. But when director Sam Hargrave is willing to ride on the hood of a car as it races across dirt roads for the sake of a shot, you can’t help but be impressed

3)            Opening Bike Ride from THE CLIMB

The film begins with what sees like a regular bike ride. American Mike (Director and Co-Writer Michael Angelo Covino) and Kyle (Co-Writer Kyle Marvin) are racing across the road of a French mountain before Kyle’s wedding. But then Mike reveals he’s slept with Kyle’s fiancé, resulting in the furious Kyle to chase Mike. Unfortunately, they’re both too exhausted to commit to a long chase.

The whole opening sequence could be its own short film. Covino and cinematographer Zach Kuperstein) shoot it all in one unbroken take, allowing the awkward exchange to flow more naturally. It leads to a hilarious moment when Kyle tries to chase Mike, but neither have the energy to keep going. Plus, it summarizes the reoccuring cycle of the film with Mike becoming increasingly self-destructive and a terrible friend and Kyle being nice until pushed too far.

2)            The Ending from UNCUT GEMS

After spending two hours in a state of panic, it looks like the audience will finally breath a sigh of relief. After locking his pissed off brother in law Arlo (Eric Bogosian) and his goons Phil (Keith William Richards) and Nico (Tommy Kominik) in the Jewelry store with him, smooth talking jeweler and gambling addict Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler) makes the biggest win of his life via pinpoint accurate predictions of a basketball game. Now he has millions of dollars; way more than enough to pay off his debt. Everything’s coming up Howard. That is until the furious Phil puts a bullet in Howard’s head and proceeds to rob his store.

With all his reckless behaviour (including putting his girlfriend at risk) and overconfidence, you knew at somehow Howard was going to be punished. But when the flilm cuts to scenes of Howard’s family celebrating the game and his girlfriend leaves with the money, you can’t help but know how bad they’re going to feel when they find Howard dead.

Then the camera zooms into Howard’s bullet wound to reveal the same colourful kaliedescope imagery as shown within the title uncut gems. With Daniel Lopatin’s enchanting new wave score playing, this moment gives the audience a moment to finally relax before closing with Gigi D’Agostino’s L’amour Toujours.

In spite of (or because of) his flaws; Howard is himself an uncut gem.

1)            The little things inspire Joe from SOUL

Everyone recognizes “The Pixar Moment”; that scene that elevates a Pixar film from great to extraordinary. No one can truly define it, but it’s the one scene from the film everyone talks about. It’s the ten-minute prologue from Up. It’s Anton Ego’s reaction after trying Remy’s dish in Ratatouille. Even a lesser Pixar film can have this moment; a perfect example is when Lighting McQueen allows Ramirez to race in his place in Cars 3. Now we can add another film to the list thanks to Pixar’s latest masterpiece Soul.

After a day of escaping the afterlife and being trapped in the body of a therapy cat, Joe Gardner’s (Jamie Foxx) has finally achieved his dream of being in a Jazz band. And he feels…nothing. So, he heads back to his piano to ponder his direction in life. Then he finds the items 22 (Tina Fey) collected while in his body. What results is a moment fans will be coming back to in their moment of need.

As Joe rests 22’s items in front of his piano and starts playing, he comes to realize how a pizza crust and a seed truly meant to her. In the process, he comes realize the moments that seemed meaningless at first had some magic in them. The joy of playing for his father. The feel of the ocean waves flowing on his feet. The taste of a café’s pie.

In a time when many people can’t do any major activities, this moment serves as a reminder of to appreciate the little things in life. I imagine many audiences will return to this scene in their lowest moments.

[alsparaarchive]

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅 / Alex & Sid

Date: July 5, 2015 Location: Vancouver Rooftop Bar; The World Cup Celebration

Summary: The first time they ever met. 

Date Started: January 31, 2021 Date Completed: still in progress

Sidney He was still somewhere in the middle of getting the confetti that had somehow wedged itself into his right earlobe loose, when Gino had snuck in around him; two girls tucked underneath both his arms, and said something about a party? And, since Sid was still half-deafened by half-an-inch of coloured paper he was forced to lean back in and get the Russian to repeat himself. “Did you say a party?” It was confirmed with a nod and a grin that could’ve taken out the two women still standing beside his friend… “Okay… sure.” The brunette had been hesitant to say yes... First, this was Gino... the Russian had a history of getting the boys to go to parties with him only to find out that once they got there it was just a couple of girls, a couch, and a whole lot of trouble just waiting to happen. Second, his recent break-up with Kathy still felt… raw. Which he knew was why Gino and Kris had him in Vancouver right now watching the Women’s World Cup… distraction was key, right? Not something that either one of them had ever said directly to his face or anything, but the tickets that had presented themselves at exactly that time and to a sport he’d never really had an affinity for, definitely had. And yet… somehow… Gino had kept him from backing out… which was saying a lot of the Russian’s powers of persuasion and probably also a lot about why the Cold War had taken so damn long to come to an end. There was a long line out the restaurant door, but Gino said he had the gold ticket… which had Kris asking if he meant the golden ticket? Gino nodded—making Sidney laugh despite the fact he hated doing the line cut thing, but it wasn’t like they were taking up seats in the restaurant anyway. No, apparently there was some private thing happening on the roof top with their invitees tonight. The deal was, somehow Gino had scored himself an invite to the USA Women’s Soccer Team’s celebratory party via Twitter. Which of course had Sidney from the moment he’d found out till the moment he’d walked up the stairs and sighted a couple of the girls’ he’d seen on the big jumbo screen earlier, doubting. /Sorry Gino/. Suddenly, it was like most eyes in the room were on them as Sidney offered up a big of wave and Gino held out his arms and said USA, USA, USAAAAAA… and okay, it was bad. It was really bad, but at least the atmosphere had cracked, and the bouncers weren’t making any sort of headway towards them… still… Sidney couldn’t help but feel out of place as he walked over to the bar and asked for a drink… bumping shoulders with a girl as he did… “uh, sorry…” he stopped. He recognised her. You didn’t have to be a big soccer fan to recognise the face of Alex Morgan… “maybe I should be buying you a drink…” okay that had come out bad… he internally and externally cringed… “I mean for your big win today…”

Alex The aftermath of winning the World Cup was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, not only for Alex but all her teammates it seemed and almost none of them were on the same ride all ebbing and flowing at different times. There was the high of winning sure but coming to terms with the fact that it was over and finally being able to breathe a sigh of relief after how emotionally and physically taxing the journey had been made for a very strange experience the forward couldn't have possibly prepared herself for. She didn't know what she wanted to do more, party or sleep — for days! "Oh no, baby horse, you're coming!" Her teammate, mentor, and current roommate insisted when Alex even so much as hinted at the idea. She knew she would ultimately end up going but damn was that bed calling her name. "Yeah, yeah," was all she replied with while giving the blonde a smirk Abby could only see through the younger girl's reflection in the mirror as she brushed out her damp hair after showering a little bit earlier to get all the beer and champagne from the celebration in the locker room out of her hair. One of Alex's favorite part about being on the USWNT was how completely badass all the women were and how they could go from being a sweaty mess on the pitch to looking like a million dollars at the drop of a hat. Everyone looked stunning, dressed to the nines as they rolled up to the five star Vancouver rooftop bar that promised to be the perfect backdrop to a crazy evening. She was only on her second French martini when she heard some ruckus going on by the entrance, a man's voice cheering them on but she barely paid it half a mind as she was too busy being amused by Kelley challenging one of the bartenders to a game of beer pong. Only she could somehow finesse her way into getting him to push two tables together and craft the perfect makeshift set up. The defender would go on and on about how she could take out all the guys at the frat parties she went to back in college and now was her time to shine to prove (mostly to herself) that she still had it. Alex only stayed because she somehow got roped into being Kelley's partner while Chaney paired with the bartender. She wanted a chill night, no competitions, but when faced with one there was no way she was going to back down, she WAS Alex Morgan after all. To no surprise they won the first round and in a desperate attempt to get out of playing the second she grabbed their teammate Sidney who just happened to be walking by. "You play, I need to pee," was her lame excuse but at least it worked. It was that time of night where everyone was still on their way to getting drunk so no one was too crazy yet but Alex knew the line would be crossed very soon and she was making bets in her mind on who would be the first to get there as she waited for the bartender from the bar at the other end of the place to make her drink. "Oh —" was her original reaction to being bumped, bringing her mind back from wherever it had managed to go off to. An eyebrow cocked at his words as she tried but failed to let the smirk take over her features. "How very generous of you to offer to pay for me at an open bar," the striker chuckled playfully. It took her a moment in the dim lighting but she finally recognized him and while it was a nice surprise she had no idea how he managed to get himself here, to this party of all places but she figured he was Canadian and must be a fan or something. Who was going to say no to letting Sidney Crosby in the door? He was probably even more of a big deal here then in the states so it made sense, at least in her mind. "Thank you, though... for the sentiment anyway." Her hand was soon occupied by her martini glass and she wasted no time in taking a sip. "So tell me, what's the great Sidney Crosby's poison of choice?"

Sidney For those who knew him, Sidney Crosby was a bit of an anomaly. Unlike most who’d come up through the usual college/junior league pipeline at such a young age to only later be spat out by either the league or themselves for ‘poor’ behaviour choices, the twenty-eight-year-old had remained tied to his past and the straight and narrow upbringing that had come along with it. A lot of journalists had it pinned down to growing up in Nova Scotia, where the population never quite teetered pass 30,000. Or even his father—who’d had his own history with the league. What they all eventually worked out though was Sidney just wasn’t what they’d expected him to be. Young, talented … sure… but the guy that was also going to give them all some sort of titillating headline… no. What Sidney was… was hockey. There wasn’t a moment on or off the ice he wasn’t thinking or breathing hockey. So, when he’d been forced into a bit of a set-up by a couple of friends and met Kathy… things had unexpectedly taken a turn for the young brunette. It was just… one minute there was a hockey and then there was… hockey and her and it had been a lot. His sister Taylor had told him ‘that’s love,’ which was pretty weird because he was almost certain it wasn’t love… at least not yet, but she’d always been a little weird. A comment that had earned him a hit by one of his mother’s handstitched patch work pillows… thanks Taylor. It had taken Sidney a whole year to work out that she was probably right. The words escaping him one night across the dinner table while the two had been picking olives out of a garden salad the two had just ordered with a family size pizza. His stomach had done something that someone less logical might’ve compared to a somersault when Kathy eyes had widened, and her hand had found his neck and pulled him towards her… and for a moment there Sidney had honestly thought that would be it. That would be everything he’d ever need in life, Kathy and hockey… but as the years started to go by and his friends, teammates and family started to expand their families, Sidney realised he wanted more. Kids had never really been a topic of discussion for the two… they’d been young and busy and maybe it was wrong to assume that Kathy would just want them whenever he did. First, she’d pointed out that they weren’t even married yet... which Sidney hadn’t quite got, because wasn’t that all implied with the question? That marriage was part of the package too. Which had really upset her, because after nearly nine years this was how he was going to propose. It was all down here from there and before Sidney even realised what had happened it was just hockey and no Kathy again. There had been a few attempts to make amends and even a couple of goes at trying again... but in the end it was over. All nine years of it. Which is a lot in numbers. One hundred and eight months, four hundred and sixty-nine weeks, three thousand and eighty-five days… it’s a lot and despite Geno and Kris’ best efforts to cheer him up, Sidney was still not-quite feeling it… At least until he found himself next to FIFA World Cup champion Alex Morgan and suddenly there was something to smile about, because right of course the bar was an open one tonight… despite it… Sidney leaned forward, getting the barkeeper’s attention and ordering whatever Alex appeared to be drinking tonight… his hand reaching into his pocket to pull out a twenty and slipping it into the ‘tip jar.’ A smile on his face as he let it fall out of his fingers… “drink bought…” Her question had him debating a little. He’d originally slid up ready to order ‘just’ a beer, but now that he was here and consciously aware that this was a celebration, he settled with a whiskey straight, “what did you have me pegged as? An Apple Martini kind of guy?” He knew a lot of shit got talked about him. He was emotional… passionate... which had its critics. Some of it got to him… most of it didn’t. “What’s got you so hooked on those…” Whatever she was drinking gave off a fruity aroma. Definitely not something he’d usually drink, but the night was a warm one and something about the whole thing was mildly tempting… though thinking about it, if Gino saw him drinking up some pink cocktail… he’d never live it down. He could hear the Russian’s loud laughs echoing across the patio, but where the giant’s exact location was amongst everyone else was still a mystery… besides Sidney wasn’t exactly thinking of leaving his spot at the bar anytime soon. Though, maybe he’d trapped Alex here with his lame gesture to ‘buy’ her drink and all these questions about fruit cocktails when where all she really wanted to be was out there with her teammates on the makeshift dance floor. “Hey, sorry… if you need to go…”

Alex The brunette tilted her head in gratitude with a smile once the second drink was on the bar in front of her and the twenty had fallen into the tip jar. She didn't really know how to take it but she figured just accepting it and not making a big deal was the best way to go. Alex sat there, taking another sip of her martini, silently berating the butterflies in her stomach that she hadn't felt if not since college then honestly, never. She was married, newly, freshly married, the instantaneous spark and magnetism to the man next to her was completely inappropriate and yet there she was taking a step closer to him, closing what seemed to be too big of a gap for two people engaged in conversation. She had never been one to stray from any relationship but especially not the one she was eight years deep and now fully committed to. The striker had gone through what felt like everything with Servando by her side; He saw her career grow from the very beginning of when she started to become a big deal in college. He spent countless nights helping her study before a big test or running drills before a big game. It was easy to do life with him, she enjoyed it, but even at their most passionate she never felt that SPARK everyone talked about and chalked it up to being nothing but superficial and fictional anyway. Love was about friendship, the kind of bond you didn't want to let go of, (right?) and Servando fulfilled those requirements to a T. Alex had her passion and it was soccer, in her mind that's really all she needed, finding that in a man had never been a priority. "Are you making fun of my martini?" she teased after he mocked being an apple martini kind of guy. "No... whiskey. You have yet to surprise me, Crosby." Even she could barely recognize the flirty tone in her voice, which caused yet another sip of her drink. Hopefully he'd just think she was eager to celebrate her win, not that she was someone who drank her alcohol a bit too fast. "Oh, these? My sister got me hooked on them a few years ago, they're great for when you're out and want to pace yourself but still have something delicious. I was tempted to stick to the champagne but I refuse to be the first one wasted and miss out on all the amusement of watching everyone else get there first." The soccer player laughed a little at her own words. Her eyes scanned the crowd for a moment before her green-blue hues were right back on him. "No, don't worry. You're actually saving me from a very grueling game of beer pong. Kel's over there trying to relive her glory days. I think your friend might've taken over the poor bartender's spot." This team was nothing if not a good time, she was sure he would discover that in no time. "Not your thing either? Or am I the one keeping you? Either way..." Alex sat her glass back down on the bar and carefully slid it over in his direction, "you're not getting away without trying it." Her head motioned to the drink waiting to see if he would take the bait.

Sidney He laughed at her accusation. His hand lifting up in apology as he took a sip from his glass, only lowering it once she’d pointed out just how unoriginal he was for his own drink of choice tonight. It was weird but he was slightly mad at himself now, for not going against the grain earlier and ordering one of whatever she was having. Somehow ‘surprising’ Alex Morgan seemed appealing right now. Which was weird because he’d only been standing there beside her for less than ten minutes and it seemed strange to care so much about something like that… He supposed it had been years since he’d slid up next to a pretty girl at a bar and allowed himself to look… and it wasn’t even like he was doing that, right? Right. It was just— he was at a party (somewhat uninvited) and he was being friendly. That’s what this was. “Sorry to disappoint…” his smile twitched up as he watched her start talking about the drink her fingers were currently wrapped around. He heard a few buzz words that would’ve allowed him to stitch together a proper reply if she’d expected it once she was finished, but really, he’d just been watching her talk and get excited about something like a drink and he couldn’t help but think it was all kind of cute really. Here was ‘the’ Alex Morgan the girl he’d just watched own it on the soccer pitch and here she also was rambling about some drink she’d come accustom to ordering… yeah, champagne has a way of getting you to do some pretty outrageous things too…” he thought about the first time he’d filled the Stanley cup with it and drunk more than he’d ever had in his life. That had been a night. His head getting cloudy just thinking about it—though maybe that was less about the champagne and more about the fact that Alex had just said that he, Sidney Crosby, was saving the USA superstar from some game of beer pong? He looked across to where she’d mentioned it was going on... seeing not just Gino, but Kris there and two teammates from Alex’s team on either side of them and the table… of course. The twenty-eight-year-old was about as interested in the commotion happening over there as he was in the weather back home in Nova Scotia… turning his attention back to Alex instead and smiling when she passed her drink along the bar towards him. It didn’t have to travel very far, somehow without even realising he’d been doing it, he’d closed a lot of the previous space that had once existed between them… “well since you’ve had a few drinks now… I know you’re not secretly moonlighting as a Philly fan with the goal to poison me tonight, so…” he scooped it up. The glass dwarfing in his hands as he did… “mmm…” he could’ve avoided the lipstick and drank from the other side, but instead he stuck his mouth on top and took his sip. The hit was instant. The fruity taste covering most of his tongue, but the hint of her lipstick was there too… “yeah, so that’s not too bad…” he lowered the glass, sliding it back over towards her, before doing the same with his own glass… “your turn.” The thing about whiskey if you got the expensive stuff the taste had different notes to it. Something Alex might not have realised and something he decided to add to convince her, “I’m sure you’ve tried whiskey, but this one… this one is really good…” The thing was, he was pretty sure he just wanted her to drink from his glass in order to leave that tell-tale sign of lipstick behind that went ahead and reminded him with every next sip he had coming his way that she’d been there… which was insane. He knew that. He wasn’t crazy. He just… didn’t care.

[smkkbert]

Time for a story - The quiet dream

This is the video that is referred to in the fic.

Elated from this incredibly productive day of work, Felicity closed the door of the car behind her. She whistled a melody she had probably heard on the radio during her way back from Queen Incorporated. Her hips even swung in the same rhythm while she walked towards the front door. She really didn’t know what could possibly make this day any better.

The moment she unlocked the front door and the delicious smell of garlic reached her nose Felicity realized that her day could get better after all. Raisa was using the best of her cooking skills today Felicity guessed. While Felicity knew that she would enjoy an incredibly delicious and heavenly unhealthy dinner today she was feeling a little sorry that Oliver probably wouldn’t come back home before the kids were already in bed. That was the only time that Raisa got to cook unhealthy food as Oliver was keeping an eye on a healthy diet.

The moment that she had slipped out of her shoes, leaving them beneath the hall-stand, Hawk came running from the kitchen. He jumped up at her, licking his tongue from her chin all the way over her cheek to her temple. Before she got to stroke her hands through his soft fur, Hawk already disappeared into the kitchen though.

“Not predictable at all,” Felicity whispered to herself, shaking her head. “Not at all.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. Hawk was addicted to food. Whenever Oliver or Raisa were cooking, he could be found in the kitchen too. While he had been taught not to beg for food, he was always vigilant when someone was occupying themselves with food. There was always a chance that some of the food was dropped or someone was just developing some kind of sympathy with him and just giving some of the food to him.

Barefoot, Felicity followed Hawk into the kitchen. She was expecting him to sit right to where Raisa was standing, putting his paw to her thigh to make sure that she really knew how hungry he was. Instead, Hawk was lying next to the kitchen island, watching from a safe distance while Oliver was gently roasting some champignons with garlic and onions.

Felicity really couldn’t say how many times she had seen Oliver at the stove, cooking dinner for their family. No matter how many times she had seen him like that, she would never get tired of the view he offered in those moments though. Instead of those formal suits with dress shirt and tie she had seen him in way too often these last weeks, he was wearing sweat pants and a Henley with rolled up sleeves. He looked incredibly good.

“Oliver.”

He turned his head and chuckled. Someone who didn’t know him as well as she did would probably think that he had only noticed her know. Since Felicity did know him a lot better, she knew that he had known that she’d be here the moment that he had heard her car turning into the driveway towards their house. Oliver was always as vigilant as Hawk was when food was involved.

Chuckling quietly, Oliver stirred in the pan once more before he wiped his fingers at the towel over his shoulders and approached her. His hands framed her face and angled her head back for a moment, so he could brush a gentle kiss against her lips. Felicity couldn’t help but sigh into his mouth.

Just like she would never get tired of watching Oliver cooking, the one most normal activity he enjoyed without doubt, she would never get tired of feeling his lips against hers either. Despite all the years they had spent together and all the times they had kissed, it still felt exciting to her. Every kiss just felt new and unique.

“Felicity.”

Oliver said her name like it was a statement. Although none of the words were said explicitly, Felicity knew that he was telling her how much he loved her, how happy he was that she was home now and how excited he was to get her out of her clothes as soon as the kids were in bed. All those words sounded through from between the syllables of her name.

Lifting a hand to his face, she stroked her fingertips through his short stubble and smiled at the way Oliver leaned his face into her touch. This big, scary man was just putty in her hands.

When the champignons started sizzling in the pan, Oliver turned his head back over his shoulder. Quickly, Oliver pecked her lips once more and walked back to the stove. Felicity sat down on the stool at the kitchen island, watching him.

“I thought you wouldn’t come home before ten.”

Oliver added some herbs and the spinach to the pan before he flashed Felicity an amused smile and asked, “Is this inconvenient for you?”

“Very,” Felicity replied. “Now that you are here, I have to call Carlos and Rodriguez to cancel our date for the hot threesome tonight.”

“That’s a pity.”

“It is because I was so excited for it.”

Oliver chuckled quietly and shook his head. Stirring in the pan once more, he turned around to lean against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Though his eyes were still locked onto Felicity’s, he reached his hand back to grab some crumbled cheese between the tips of his fingers and feeding it to Hawk, who came running towards Oliver immediately.

When Oliver’s eyes met Felicity’s again, he sighed. “I was just in the mood to cook for our family tonight, so I took some work home to work at it later.”

“Oh, so I do still have time for Carlos and Rodriguez.”

“You will have time, but they will never make it in here alive. Beating some guys up sounds like the perfect way to clear my head before I go back to work.”

“Hey, you have cooking to relief stress. I need sex.”

“I am sure I will have time for that too.”

Felicity bit down on her tongue to suppress a chuckle and rolled with her eyes instead. She loved teasing Oliver by claiming that she wanted to have sex with other men because their sex life was too boring for her. Oliver just hated the bare idea so much that even just teasing him with it annoyed him to no end. He knew that she was anything but bored with their sex life and she would never want to have sex with anyone else. Still, the idea really annoyed him.

“Fine, I will face up to having sex with you then.”

“I am relieved that you are willing to take the burden.” Oliver grinned. “It has to be really hard for you to get through that.”

“It is.” Felicity sighed dramatically. “Hence, I will take a shower to get into the right emotional shape to endure that.”

“Very thoughtful of you.”

“I know. ‘Thoughtful’ is my middle name.”

“Your third middle name then, I guess.”

Felicity was already halfway to the door when Oliver said that. Frowning slightly, she turned back to him. “What?”

“Well, your actual middle name is Megan, and you once said that your middle name is ‘codebreaker’, so I guess that ‘thoughtful’ is you third middle name.”

“I really said that?”

“I think it’s been back in 2013 when we discovered that Floyd Lawton is still alive.”

It had been more than ten years since she had apparently said that. She herself couldn’t even remember it. She wasn’t surprised that Oliver remembered though. He always remembered everything she said and did because that was just who he was.

Smiling softly, Felicity walked back towards him. She put her hands to his forearms and straightened up onto her toes to brush a gentle kiss against his lips. He deserved that and a lot more just for being him.

When Felicity lowered herself back onto her heels, she leaned het entire weight against Oliver’s body. She knew that, even if he wouldn’t be leaning against the kitchen counter, he would carry her weight easily.

“I love you,” Felicity whispered. “So much.”

“I love you too.” Oliver smiled. “Felicity Megan Codebreaker Thoughtful Queen.”

Felicity chuckled. “Please make sure my full name is going to be on my gravestone.”

“Sorry.” Oliver hissed. “I’ll be long dead when you die.”

“Oh, really?” Felicity asked, cocking her head. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“I am sure about that because you can bet your wonderful ass that I am going to make you vow during our next wedding that you will let me die before you.”

“I won’t vow it.”

“Yes, you will.”

“I will take a shower now.”

“You are changing the subject.”

“Obviously I do,” Felicity replied and placed a firm kiss on her lips. “See you later.”

She had already been about to turn towards the door. Before she had been able to do so, she had noticed a glimpse in Oliver’s eyes. She was sure that she had seen that kind of glimpse before although she couldn’t say whether that glimpse was a good sign or a bad sign.

Frowning slightly, she asked, “Is everything alright?”

Oliver cleared his throat and turned back to his pan. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity said hesitatingly. “But there is something you are not telling me, right?”

In all those years, Felicity had developed a special kind of sense for that. Those first years of being with Oliver, he had been extremely tight-lipped. Whenever something had been going on with him, he had tried to figure it out himself. After the island and everything that had happened after that, he had just been used to working through things alone.

“I watched a video today.”

Felicity cocked her head. “Did you watch porn in the office, Mayor Queen?”

Oliver chuckled. “No, not that kind of video. It just… I think it just changed everything I thought I knew.”

With that, he pulled his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. He opened an app and typed a few words before he handed his phone to her. Felicity perked up an eyebrow. At the expression on Oliver’s face, she took the phone though. A video with the title ‘Thirty products new parents will love’ was opened. Felicity shot Oliver a brief glance and pressed ‘play’.

The video introduced some interesting products for parents of newborns, babies and kids. There was a toothbrush for teething children, helping them to soothe their aching gums. There was a baby bathtub that you could just put into your sink to bathe your baby there. There was a portable baby seat that could be attached to any usual chair. There were coats, pullovers and shirts, designed to carry your baby with you on your back or on your front. There were these products and a lot more.

After almost seven minutes, the video was over. Felicity puckered her lips and handed Oliver back his phone.

“Baby hacks,” Felicity stated. “You discovered those a few years too late.”

“But that it is,” Oliver said, pushing his phone back into the pocket of his pants and pushing the pan off the hotplate. “This might be a sign that we need to have another baby to try all of these.”

Felicity snorted, but Oliver looked at her dead-serious. It actually made the laughter that was she had felt growing in her throat get stuck there. She sucked in a sharp breath.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.” Oliver put his hands to her shoulders and squeezed them. “Just think about it. We have all the hacks now. We know how to raise a baby that easily. Even if we have to raise another Emmy or another Tommy or another Addie, we will know how to handle them.”

Felicity tried to fight the urge to scream. She really didn’t even want to think about going through that again. Raising any of her kids during those fist eighteen months had been hell. Millie had been the only exception as she was the quiet and content child in the family. Nothing could ever unsettle her for longer than two minutes.

Back when Felicity had been pregnant with Addie, she and Oliver had decided that their family planning was over. They had five healthy children and that was all the luck they could hope for and all the burden they could carry.

“Okay, but that’s not going to be worth it,” Felicity said carefully, clearing her throat. “I mean that breastfeeding cover for example. Why would I buy something like that? If people mind that I breastfeed, they can go screw themselves because I will do it anyway whether there are people to watch or not.”

“Maybe I don’t like other people to see your breasts.”

“Too bad for you,” Felicity replied. “And that walking tool? Honestly, all of our kids learned walking without it. If they want to walk, I am holding their hands. It’s worth a sore back in the morning.”

“As you love to point out, you are younger than me. I am sure you do have less problems with your back than I have with mine.”

“Ha! See?” Felicity asked, poking her finger into his chest. “You are too hold to have another baby, so why are we even discussing this?”

Felicity didn’t miss that her voice was at least an octave higher than it usually was. Pure panic was spreading in her bones at the thought of going through all of that again. Finally, all those sleepless nights were over, and her kids were old enough to tell her what they wanted and needed. She didn’t have to guess about it whenever they cried.

“Do you really want another baby?”

Now Oliver was the one who snorted. While Felicity was still frowning at him, he framed her face with his hands. Chuckling, he leaned in and brushed a gentle kiss against her lips. It confused Felicity even more than she had been before. When Oliver pulled back, still holding her face in his hands, he sighed and smiled at her.

“No.”

Felicity’s frown deepened. “No?”

“No,” Oliver replied and kissed the tip of her nose. “Just like you love to tease me by saying that you want to have sex with other men, I love to tease you with saying I want another baby.”

Relieved that it had just been a ruse and annoyed that she had actually fallen for it, Felicity punched Oliver’s abs. She hadn’t put nearly enough energy into it because she was almost sure that Oliver would have at least flinched otherwise. Instead, he just looked at her, utterly amused.

“You are so not going to get sex tonight,” Felicity told him, poking her forefinger into his chest once more. “You can be happy if you ever get to have sex again, Mister.”

With that, she turned around and walked towards the door. She didn’t miss that Oliver mumbled the words ‘We will see about that tonight, Hon’ under his breath, but she chose to ignore it. She was definitely not going to have sex with him tonight after the heart attack he had just caused her to have.

→ → → → →

After two rounds of breathtaking and perfectly tiring sex with the love of his love, Oliver was fast asleep. Like so often, his body was resting on his wife’s, pressing it more into the mattress. Although he had fallen asleep to the beat of her heart, he had one of those dreams that he didn’t realize was a dream. It felt so real that he was completely caught up in it. Hence, his muscles were tensed and quiet noises of restlessness fell from his lips.

“Felicity Queen,” he said, feeling completely out of breath as he reached the reception desk. “Where is she?”

The woman at the other end of the desk looked up from the monitor of her computer slowly. She watched Oliver over the rim of her glasses, looking him up and down. Unlike the usual women sitting here that were close to fainting when they recognized him, the woman looking at him now looked just annoyed that she had been disturbed.

“What was the name again?” she asked, her voice as bored as her eyes. “Felicia-“

“Felicity,” Oliver corrected her firmly. “Felicity Megan Queen.”

The woman hummed disapprovingly as she typed the name with her keyboard. She used just her forefingers which meant that it felt like she needed an eternity for those eighteen letters and two spaced. Given how much this was already pulling at his nerves, Oliver could only guess what it would feel like for Felicity.

“Room 2.143. Just use the elevator and-“

“Thank you.”

Not waiting for her to tell him how he got to that room, Oliver already ran towards the stairs. There was no way that he was going to wait in that small cage until it had taken him upstairs. The smell of sickness and death was terrible in every spot of a hospital, but it was in worse in the elevator as there was no fresh air getting in there.

Much faster than the ride with the elevator would have taken, Oliver arrived at the second floor of the Starling City Memorial Hospital. He followed the signage to room 2.143 and stepped into the room behind the door after a brief knock.

Oliver released a long breath when he saw Felicity sitting in her bed with her eyes open, brushing through some magazine. He had thought he’d find her attached to half a dozen of machines that were barely keeping her alive, covered in bruises after she had been attacked. Seeing her like that was quite soothing.

“Oliver, hey,” Felicity said as soon as she saw him and put her magazine aside. “Where have you been so long? We already thought you were never coming back.”

Her words didn’t make sense to him as he had just been told that she was in the hospital after being attacked on her way back home. As soon as he had received the call, he had dropped everything at City Hall and gotten here. He also didn’t know who could be here with her as he hadn’t seen anyone. Maybe Felicity had been hit on the head and was confused though. Maybe he should have asked the nurse after all.

“Hi,” Oliver whispered and quickly stepped towards the bed. Framing Felicity’s head with gentle hands to make sure he didn’t hurt her, he angled her head back slightly and brushed a gentle kiss to her lips. “I am so glad you are alright.”

Felicity chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not the first time, remember?”

Lowering his eyes, Oliver nodded his head. As much as he tried to bite it back, he couldn’t prevent a strong wave of guilt to drown him for a long moment. If it hadn’t been for him, Felicity’s life would have never been in such danger. He had brought all of that into her life after the island.

Oliver closed his eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath. Felicity had chosen this life. She had chosen him, knowing exactly what she was accepting. Maybe he had brought these dangers into her life, but she had chosen that he was worth facing all of them. He would just have to talk to Dr. Rosario a few times more often than planned these next days to accept this completely.

Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, Oliver lifted his gaze back towards Felicity. He wanted to ask her what had happened and who had attacked her. The sooner they found out, the more quickly he could tell the team to take that guy out. People who attacked his family didn’t deserve second chances.

When Oliver lifted his gaze, all those thoughts of what to do next got stuck in his throat though as Felicity was holding a sleeping newborn in her arms. The baby was wrapped into a blanket that probably held it warm. It looked incredibly safe and sound, just the way a baby should feel in its first hours on earth.

“We really missed you.”

Felicity’s voice was so gentle that Oliver had to lift his gaze to her face. She was smiling at him with so much joy in her eyes that it made his heartbeat rise. When she lowered her gaze back to the sleeping newborn, Oliver followed her gaze.

This baby had his blonde hair and Felicity’s full lips. The chin looked like Emmy’s and the little nose was all Tommy’s. The baby shared the round shape of face with Millie, and the ears were really small, just like Addie’s. The brief moment that it opened its eyes, Oliver could see that the iris had the same shade of blue like William. This baby seemed to be the perfect mixture of all people in her family.

“Do you-?”

Not fully voicing the question, Felicity held the baby out for him. Naturally, he lifted his arms and wrapped them around his baby safely. There was nothing more wonderful than looking at your baby while you were holding it in your arms. Especially those first few days, when their whole lives revolved around you like your life revolved around them, it was the most precious thing to do. Those memories would forever be dear to his heart.

Even after all this time, Oliver could remember the first time he had held Emmy, Tommy, Millie and Addie. He remembered the joy and pride and all the other emotions he had felt when he had held them in his arms for the first time. The fact that he had never been able to hold his William when he had been a baby would forever be one of his biggest regrets and-

The feeling of Hawk’s tongue in his ear pulled Oliver from his dream all of a sudden. Like so often, Felicity was lying on her back, Oliver’s body covering hers as his head rested on her chest so he could listen to the beat of her heart. Hawk, who always slept in the bed with them, had lain down on top of Oliver’s back. More than once, Oliver had wondered if he was one day going to wake up to feel Felicity’s dead body under him after she had suffocated with the burden of carrying Oliver and Hawk on top of her.

Anyway, from his position on top of him, Hawk could easily lick through Oliver’s ear. His wet tongue felt so long that Oliver wouldn’t be surprised if it came out of the other ear.

“Hawk,” Oliver said with a groan. “Stop it.”

He pushed his hand between Hawk’s nose and his ear, pushing the dog away gently. Hawk released a dissatisfied groan and started licking over Oliver’s shoulder instead. Oliver sighed deeply and pushed his head into the valley between Felicity’s breasts.

The feeling of Hawk’s tongue deep inside of his ear had temporarily distracted him from the dream he had just woken up from. Now that he thought about it again, he realized how confusing it had been and how confused he still was now.

He was sure that those first moments of the dreams – chasing to the hospital, thinking that Felicity was hurt – was still a late reaction to what had happened in Gotham not that long ago. Once more, Felicity had been attacked by a stranger. She would have ended up with a bullet in her head if it hadn’t been for her half-brother helping out with his PSI powers right before disappearing out of her life again. He had talked about this with Dr. Rosario, and he was better than he had been at the beginning. He knew that those memories would never leave him though, just like no memory of the island would ever leave him.

Those later moments of holding his newborn baby in his arms, beside from the lack of continuity from the beginning of the dream, were just so weird. Back after Tommy’s second birthday, he and Felicity had discussed whether having another child had even been something worth trying because risking that Felicity was going through another prenatal depression had not made that an easy choice. They had decided to take that risk though. Felicity had gotten pregnant soon after and the pregnancy had passed by without any depression.

After Millie’s birth, their process of family planning had been over for both of them. With four healthy kids, two boys and two girls, they had thought that they couldn’t get any luckier.

Addie had taken them by surprise. She hadn’t been planned at all, but they had still loved her with all of their hearts from the first moment on. There had been no doubt that they had wanted her and they would be able to provide the love necessary to raise another happy child. Felicity’s prenatal depression had been a little bump in the road, but they had managed to get through that. Together.

Felicity had still been pregnant with Addie when they had decided that a vasectomy was the best choice for them. Their lives were crazy, and their sex life was no different from that. Those had been only the exact words that had led them to their decision of going through with it.

Thinking about how happy he had been about the family addition confused him to no end. This had never been supposed to happen and-

When Felicity’s hand stroked through his short hair, she pulled him from his thoughts. It was much gentler than the way Hawk’s tongue had ripped him from his dreams though. Once again, he pushed his nose against her skin in the valley between her breasts.

“Everything alright?”

Felicity’s voice was tired and hoarse from sleep. Oliver wasn’t yet sure of she really was awake or still somewhere between wake and sleep. Even in that state, she noticed when something was wrong with him. She was completely in synch with him, no matter what.

“Yes,” Oliver replied and brushed a kiss against the side of her breath. “Just sleep.”

Releasing a low sigh, Felicity seemed to follow his request immediately. When Oliver frowned at the thought of his recent dream, Felicity’s fingers found his forehead though. They followed the deep wrinkles his frown had caused to appear on his forehead, and Oliver could almost feel the sleep shaking off her body.

“What’s wrong?”

Oliver couldn’t help but smile. Felicity always knew if something was wrong. He couldn’t lie to her, at least not for long. He had to tell her about his dream because talking to her would help him figuring out what to make of this.

“Hawk, get down.”

If he was going to tell Felicity about this, he had to look into her face. He didn’t want to miss any reaction that would possibly show there. They needed to be a hundred percent honest with each other here.

When Hawk didn’t get down and just snuggled his face into the crook of Oliver’s shoulder, Oliver pulled at Hawk’s collar until he finally got up and jumped out of bed to curl down on the floor instead. Even in the dark, Oliver could see that Hawk was glaring at him with accusing eyes. He really wasn’t happy about this at all.

Rolling himself off Felicity, he warned her, “I will switch on the light now.”

He didn’t even blink when glaring light lightened the room. Felicity, on the other hand, pulled the pillow over her face to block the light from her eyes. Oliver couldn’t help but chuckle softly and kissed Felicity’s face through the pillow.

“Remind me, never to ask if something is wrong with you again,” Felicity groaned from beneath her pillow. “At least not in the middle of the night.”

“Sorry,” Oliver whispered. He brushed a kiss against Felicity’s forearm. “You can sleep if you want to.”

Pushing the pillow off her face a little, she glared at him. Although the expression in her eyes was really convincing, Olive knew that she didn’t mean it. She was always willing to listen to what was going on with him. She was amazing like that.

With a sigh, Felicity pushed the pillow behind her head and sat up a littler with the blanket wrapped around her tightly. She looked at Oliver with a patient smile. Her fingers laced with his, her thumb rubbing over the back of her head.

“What’s going on?” she asked him with soft voice. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“I did sleep,” Oliver explained, “but I had a dream, and now I cannot sleep anymore.”

Felicity squeezed his hand. “A nightmare?”

“That’s the weird thing.” Oliver sighed. “It wasn’t a nightmare, at least not fully. It started as one, but…”

Oliver rolled his lips into his mouth and shook his head. It was hard to put into words what this dream had been for him. He trusted Felicity more than anyone else, so he was the one that he would always talk to. This was a sensitive subject for a dozen of reasons though, so it wasn’t exactly easy to talk about this, not even with her.

“Tell me what happened.”

Oliver did as asked of him. He told her everything from the moment he stepped into the hospital which was where his dream had begun up till the moment that Hawk had woken him up while he had been holding their newborn baby in his dream. Felicity just listened, nodding her head every now and then.

By the time he got to the end, Felicity was biting down on her bottom lip. She was looking at him with hesitation visible in her eyes. There was no doubt that she was trying to process her own thoughts and feelings about this, already knowing exactly why he was telling her about this. She had probably seen it in his face when he had talked about meeting this baby they had had in his dream.

“You want another baby?”

Oliver was already taking in a breath to agree as having a baby was what he thought he had just discovered he wanted. Now that Felicity asked him about it and he was supposed to make a decision about this, he wasn’t sure though.

Having a baby meant a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. He loved having a big family. He loved every single one of his children in their own unique way. For him, there was no doubt that he would love any baby that could possibly become part of their lives.

“It would be crazy, wouldn’t it be?” Oliver asked. “We have to juggle around to make everything work as it is. I mean our morning routine is crazy. Every minute is well planned because we’d be late in the office every morning if it wasn’t. Sometimes, I feel like we barely have time to breathe as we chase from our jobs to the bunker and back and forth between schools, kindergarten and home. Adding another baby into the mix would be crazy, right?”

Felicity sucked in a deep breath at the implied confirmation that Oliver might really want another baby. Oliver could see her holding her breath for a second as she thought about what she should say or do now. She hadn’t been prepared for this, and she did look kind of in shock about it.

Cocking her head, she released the breath and squeezed his hand soon though.

“Probably,” she agreed after a moment, shrugging her shoulders slightly, “but if we really want this, we might be able to make this work. I mean we get along with five kids without going crazy. Back when we learned about Addie, we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make this work either. We did make it work though because we wanted it to work. Our life is crazy, but we still find time for all of our five kids because we really want it. What’s one more?”

Oliver narrowed his eyes at her slightly. “Is this something we really want?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity answered honestly. “I mean five minutes ago I wouldn’t have wasted a single thought at this. We are so lucky with the five perfectly healthy children we have. Since this seems to be something you want, I guess I want to reconsider this too.”

Want to. It was just a detail, but Oliver felt that it just proved once more how strong their bond with each other was. Felicity didn’t feel like she had to rethink her decision because he had told her that he might want another baby. She didn’t feel urged to do this because she knew that he couldn’t do this without him. She just loved him, and she wanted to figure out if his newest wish might be something she wanted too now.

“You’d really do that?” Oliver asked. “Rethink your decision just because I dreamed about it? Maybe it was just a crazy dream, and I will wake up tomorrow and barely remember it.”

“If that is the case,” Felicity said gently, “then that’s what happens. You wake up tomorrow and we will both laugh about this. If it’s not, then I want to give it a thought. I mean I am not going to just stick with my decision just because I made it a couple of years ago. You changed your decision although you were sure that you wanted another baby a few years ago. Maybe I have changed my mind too, and I just didn’t have a dream to tell me that.”

Oliver frowned slightly. “Do you really think that?”

“I don’t know, Oliver.” Felicity sighed and squeezed his hand once more. She chuckled quietly and kissed his knuckles. “Honey, you cannot just wake me up in the middle of the night, telling me that you want a baby, and expect me to have a decision at hand immediately.”

Her voice was gentle. She didn’t reproach him. She knew that this was just a difficult situation for both of them.

“I do know that, if we decide to have another baby, we will have to make this decision soon though,” Felicity said, nodding her head, “because whether or not we will have another baby is not the only question here.”

“The how will be a problem.”

Felicity shrugged her shoulders. “Not necessarily a problem. There are so many ways for people to have babies even if it doesn’t work the natural way. I am sure that we would find the fitting way for us, but it is something that we would have to think about if we decide to do this. It could be a long process.”

“And I am not the youngest anymore.”

Felicity grinned. “Now you are the one who said it.”

Oliver smiled. He felt a heavy weight, that had been building on his chest when they had started talking about this, dropping off him. With the way they could still tease each other a little despite the serious conversation they had here, he just knew that it had been the right decision to tell Felicity about this. Sharing his worries and his dreams with her was always the right thing to do.

Oliver nodded his head. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Felicity nodded her head too. “I suggest that you find out if you really want this or if this is just the result of watching this video full of baby hacks that you missed using. Once you have decided that you want, you tell me and we will see where this goes. I just cannot promise that we will get to the same conclusion at the end.”

“You know I won’t push,” Oliver told her. “Not ever.”

“I know.” Felicity smiled and leaned over to brush her lips against his in a gentle kiss. “Thanks for telling me about this quiet dream of yours.”

Oliver reached out his arms and wrapped them around Felicity’s waist, pulling her against him before he pushed her into the mattress and rested his head on her chest. Felicity put her arms around the back of his neck, letting her fingers stroke through his hair. Her fingernails scratched over his scalp lightly, and it almost made him purr like a kitten.

“Thank you for listening.”

“Always,” Felicity whispered and kissed his temple. “Preferably, the next time we talk about lifechanging decision, it won’t be in the middle of the night.”

“I will do my best,” Oliver replied with a chuckle and kissed her heart. “Goodnight, Felicity.”

“Goodnight, Oliver.”

Oliver reached out his hand to switch out the small lamp at his nightstand. As he did, he caught Hawk’s gaze. The dog was looking at him pleadingly, waggling his tail.

“Come here, Hawk.”

Immediately, Hawk jumped up on his feet and onto the bed. He dropped his weight on top of Oliver’s back, making him and Felicity groan out in unison before they chuckled.

“Honestly, he is our big baby, isn’t he?” Oliver asked.

“A baby in a giant body,” Felicity agreed and tickled Hawk behind his ears, “and such a great cuddler.”

Oliver smiled. He guessed he would never get over the fact that all of their babies had slept in their own room from the first night they had been taken home from the hospital. Hawk had been invited into the bed though because Felicity had thought that he had to get used to living with them first. Maybe Hawk had become a little too comfortable with the bed.

Of course he would never voice anything like that though. He knew that Felicity would just roll her eyes anyway. Besides, if he was completely honest, he didn’t mind having Hawk here with them either. Hawk really was just like a puppy caught in a giant dog’s body. His presence calmed him down, and Oliver was almost sure that it would help him to fall asleep again soon.

And it did indeed.

* * *

@fannaz @promiseyoullbepatientwithme @bytemegeekette @felicity-said-just-in-case @phanseptiic @orangeisorange @mspotatohead14 @whentheheavenfades @emmaamelia95 @smoakingskye @seaolicity @ourwritinginvein @1022bridgetp @felicityqueenforever @leagueofolicity17 @yryssss @myhauntedblacksoul @sherlock44 @sinceriouslybea @arrowsalways @olivyflavescentdeer @olicitys-castle @ofnothingcharming @vaelisamaza @smoakedandcharmed @alexisa1206 @mysaudadespt2 @florence-bubbles @addictiontelly @queens-of-arrows @memcjo @hysterical-for-joshifer @oswinelevenforever @olicitylovemaking @bandanab310 @mymusiclove101 @lynslogic @scarletqueen23 @olicityshipper19 @alex-wesley @arrows-4ever @unabashedlynerdypatrol @louehmysoul @ligiapimenta @chattyyana @charlie-leau @coal000 @samcrowleys @ishippolivia @julianegomesqueen @malafle @miriam1779 @charlinert @melaux @ontheolicityship @myshipperlife @wrightainsley @lexi9515 @ladygreenwood @multi-fandom-crazy-fangirl @morinamel @mje-thomas @kebarry @canadianheartgirl @nannett2307 @almondblossomme @paarti12 @kathrynelizabeth89 @imdfabulous @cutearrowgirl @mrt2501 @mecha1330 @arsipaci14 @mzminx @salasvia @brandis91 @cainc3 @morganmiguess @pr0fessi0nal-fangurl @iamisalima @nessafrancis-blog @jonhdiggle @niki-is-amazing @universed-posts @hopeful-warrior @senoritaswiftie @bellemmie @green-arrows-of-karamel @iheartarrow @olicityovereverything @oliverfel4 @navyaarsha @fandoms-breathe-life @simone4mcswarek @olicity-in-the-heart @fullychippedcreation @geemarie @everything-but-normal-cat @myarroworld @tjmartinez @pleasantfanandstudent @itsmagnoliagirl @j69confessional2 @scentedcolorpirate @icanica74 @javinancupil @tjmartinez98 @certainmentalityface @tatianadamaceno @ryelew @wildwillowzepplin @missafairy @letsplaymurde-r @lipizette @positivepiper @nuttymilkshakehologram @laksagirl @turnupthemusicandscream @pumpernickle93 @onceuponanolicity @1106angel @jaspertown @fadinglands @morganashimi83 @mochababychristy @omglovechrissie @mariejr88-blog @thetaufactor @onceuponanolicity @speakandseethetruth @bri206 @aglasgo @thats0klaroline @geemarie @pineprincess @nerdgirljen @peterpanslostgirl666 @eternal-olicity14 @allyouhadtodowas-stay-stay-stay @lovelycssefan @tsseract @flowerandsunshine @dcnmarvelgamergeek @blondeeoneexox @monetsmark @soaring-cities @bb-olicity @mashamarty @rulerofsilence @erika-amber @felicity087 @i-claim-only-emily @pattid1 @westallenandolicityshipper @babyolicityandwestallen @nothingmorethanmyotps @kayleenyc @tonto16 @olicityfluv @olicitea1990 @olicity5ever @haahaaa2408 @pattid1 @faegal04 @24karatgem @wrldtravler @readerkas @valery6488 @lemmyeatspeaches @olicity-beliver @greencoffeecups

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[marco-pierre]

Dinner Party || Rory, Marco, & Gen

Where: Marco and Rory Pierre’s Home Who: The Pierre Siblings and Genevieve Debarbarac  Notes: Marco invites Gen over to his home for dinner and to formally meet his sister Rory. 

@genxdebarbarac @rory-of-nantes

Marco

Marco was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to get everything ready for the dinner with Gen and Rory, He knew he didn't have to do anything fancy because Gen would totally be against that. She was all about keeping things simple, and because he couldn't cook, he ordered food from an Italian restaurant, making sure to have some vegan options for Rory. He did make dessert though, he made a vegan chocolate cake. He learned to make vegan desserts for Rory when she decided that she was going to be one and because of all her allergies. He was setting the table, making sure everything was perfect, he really wanted the night to go perfectly, but he wasn't looking forward to doing his pirate voice for Gen, but he made a bet and he was going to follow through. He walked over to Rory's room and opened the door, Hey, are you ready? Gen is going to be here soon.

Rory 

Rory was glad Marco was on board for having Gen over for dinner. After her brief meeting with the woman and then her conversation about the woman with her brother, she wanted them all to be able to get together. Since Gen made Marco very happy, she really wanted to get to know her better, maybe even become friends. The day of the planned dinner party, she had offered to help her brother get everything ready; but since she'd been feeling a bit under the weather that morning, it was decided she'd be better taking it easy so she was ready to go once Gen arrived. So she was curled up on her bed, reading a book and waiting to be summoned for food. Catching sight of her bedroom door opening, she glanced up from her book, watching as her brother signed. Nodding, she hopped off her bed and tossed her book onto her quilt. I'm ready... Are you ready? I don't see an eyepatch or a hat. She teased.

Gen

Gen was...a little nervous. Okay, a lot nervous. She didn't do relationships and serious feelings yet..here she was, about to officially 'meet the family' (or, well, sibling at least). And even though she'd already met Rory, this was different. And as much as she tried to pretend things with Marco were just casual.....they weren't. Clearly. Otherwise, she wouldn't be so nervous right now. Or trying so hard to make a good impression. So here she was, in a nice pair of jeans and a new top Solenn got for her, hair actually brushed and picked up and she came armed with a bottle of wine and vegan brownies she got from a bakery after Marco told her Rory was vegan. She hesitated in front of the door, letting out a shaky breath before knocking and waiting, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Marco

Marco rolled his eyes at Rory when she talked about his eye patch and hat, I'll bring them out later on in the evening, now come on she should be here soon. He was so nervous and excited about tonight, it was nice to have his sister and his special lady in one place, bonding, and hopefully becoming friends. He looked back when he heard the knock on the door, She's here! He quickly walked out the door and headed to his front door. He stopped at the mirror and gave himself a final glance before opening the door. He smiled when he saw her standing there. She looked beautiful in just her casual outfit, "Hey...you look beautiful." He leaned in and kissed her sweetly on her lips. "I am so glad you came." He stepped back, "Please, come in." He closed the door behind her and went over to Rory with Gen, Sis, you remember Gen.

Rory 

If Rory was going to be staying with Marco long-term, they'd definitely have to invest in one of those flashing doorbells like back at their parents' house. It'd be nice to know when someone was at the door without relying on her brother to tell her. Following several paces behind her brother, as he went to greet Gen at the door, she waited off to the side, figuring it best to give the not yet official couple some space. As Marco led Gen over to where she was standing, Rory offered up a warm smile, extending her hand for a shake. "Hi. It's so good to see you again."

Gen

When the door opened and Gen saw him there she let out a breath, relief starting to flow through her a bit- because as nervous as she was, she still consistently felt a sense of calm around him every time. She leaned up, kissing him back softly and smiling at him, "Well thank you. And yeah, of course. I've been looking forward to it..and I hope I don't make an ass out of myself." She tacked on, wrinkling her nose a bit at him. She let him lead the way in and when she spotted Rory again she gave her a bright smile, waving and reaching her hand over to shake it, "It's good to see you too." she lifted her other arm then, holding the bag up, "I um..I brought some stuff. Some wine, and some brownies. Marco told me you're vegan?"

Marco

Marco smiled as Gen kissed him back, he would never get tired of how perfect her lips felt against his. He shook his head hearing her comment, "There's no way you could do that, you are too amazing to make an ass out of yourself." He had no doubt that things would work out and Gen and Rory would be amazing. He watched as two of the most special women in his life talked and he couldn't stop smiling. He liked that Gen remembered that Rory was vegan, she was really trying to impress her and that meant a lot. He scrunched his brow at the fact that Gen bought brownies, he signed and spoke this to Gen and Rory "You actually brought baked goods in this house? Argh...ye matey, how dare you undermine my baking abilities?" He smirked and looked right at Rory, knowing she would get it.

Rory 

Rory was impressed. Not only had Marco told Gen she was vegan; but Gen had remembered and brought something they could hopefully all enjoy. She just hoped Marco also told Gen about her numerous food allergies... Nothing worse than those brownies being vegan but still containing soy or one of the fruits or tree nuts she couldn’t eat. “I am.” She glanced down at the tray of brownies, offering out a hand to take something from the other woman’s arms, her gaze shifting towards her brother as she noticed him begin to sign. She saw his words. And his facial expression. And all she could do was shake her head and let out a heavy yet moderately pained sigh. Not good enough. She signed back before once again offering to take something from Gen’s arms. “I’ll bring these into the kitchen.” With that said, she started towards the kitchen before Marco could comment further on the fact his pirate voice wasn’t good enough.

Gen

“Okay great. I asked the lady behind the counter to make sure there’s nothing in them at all. No nuts or fruits or anything. They’re technically blondies actually so..I hope you like them.” And she hoped they were the right thing. As she stepped more into the house then though, Marco started speaking....weirdly and Gen shot him a confused look, a little frown tugging on her lips before she looked between the two siblings. Obviously, some kind of inside joke and she let out a laugh, scratching at the back of her neck, “I..think I’m missing something here huh.” She asked teasingly, and even though she was still confused she was still smiling as she shook her head and gave Marco a nudge “And I’m not doubting your abilities at all. Just figured baked goods are always appreciated.”

Marco

Marco scoffed at Rory when she said his voice wasn't good enough, she was definitely not going to make this easy on him. It was obvious that Gen was confused by all of this and he wanted to tell her so bad what was going on, but he couldn't. She started to laugh a bit, which was good, she was going with the flow and he knew this would all be fine when he was able to explain it to her. Her little nudge and comment made him smile, "That is true, baked goods are always appreciated." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, "I hope you're hungry, we are having Italian tonight." He took her hand and led her into the dining room where Rory was. "Did you grab the drinks from the kitchen? Or do I need to grab them?"

Rory 

After bringing the brownies and wine from Gen into the kitchen and placing them on the counter, Rory decided to start bringing the drinks, bowls, and plates Marco had previously prepared into the dining room where they’d be eating. That way, they could all just sit down and begin eating once the not yet official couple was ready. Besides, she was hungry and didn’t want to have to wait longer than necessary, especially since the food smelled delicious. And the restaurant her brother had picked had a vegan parmigiana di melanzane, one of her favorite Italian dishes. Setting the table, she turned towards the dining room’s entrance as she felt the vibrations of footsteps coming towards her. I poured us each a glass of water. I haven’t brought the wine in yet if you and Gen want some of that. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be partaking in the wine due to health reasons.

Gen

Gen followed them through the apartment, trying not to feel awkward or nervous- especially whenever they signed to each other. It was just all the more reason she wanted to learn how to sign. "Italian sounds perfect. I'm not picky. I eat literally everything. Except for olives. That's just the one thing I don't like. Or canned tuna." She wrinkled her nose, shaking her head as she said it. She followed along to the dining room, moving to the table but before she sat down she turned to look between them, "Can I help with anything?"

Marco

Marco was glad that Rory finished bringing in the things from the kitchen except for the wine. Okay, I'll grab that. He looked over at Gen as she offered to help, "Nah I got it, I'm just going to grab the wine." He was about to head in the kitchen, but stopped and turned to face the ladies, "You guys go ahead and start making your plates.” He smiled and headed into the kitchen. He quickly grabbed the wine and two glasses and headed back out. He took his seat and opened the wine, pouring a glass for him and Gen. "Here you go, so how has your day been Gen?" He signed and spoke so everyone was involved in the conversation.

Rory 

When Marco said he’d fetch the wine, Rory just nodded before taking a seat and beginning to fix her plate. And after a moment, she shifted her gaze to where Gen was sitting. “I’m really glad you could join us for dinner.” She stated before quickly glancing in the direction of the kitchen to ensure Marco hadn’t returned yet. When she didn’t see him, she was about to speak up again but stopped when she caught him out of the corner of her eye, instead once more returning her attention to fixing her plate before turning her attention to her brother and Gen, watching as Marco signed so she was fully included in the conversation.

Gen

Gen nodded and grabbed a plate so she could begin serving herself, humming happily at how good it all smelled. When Rory's voice hit her ears she looked up, smiling at the other girl, "I'm glad you invited me. I really do want to spend more time with you. Get to know you." and I want you to like me went unsaid in her head. She noticed how Rory looked over to the kitchen like she was going to say something more but then stopped. She didn't comment on it and just smiled as Marco came back. She sat down beside the man, thanking him softly as he poured her wine before she shrugged, "It's been alright. I only had to do some inventory at the restaurant today, so I got to leave early." She looked between them but was always conscious to keep her face angled towards Rory so the girl could read her lips. "How've your days been? Getting used to living together again?"

Marco

Marco began eating his food and everything seemed to be going well. He listened as Gen was telling them about her day, it seemed pretty normal with work. Her question made him shrug his shoulders, "My day was good, I went and did my workout this morning, went to the Nantes House to do some work, and then came home to get the house cleaned up for dinner." He smiled and looked over at Rory, "Argh....what was ye day like matey? Argh..." He was starting to get a bit embarrassed by his pirate voice, but he had to do it. He gave Rory a That's it look. “Having Rory back home is good, I missed her, but I do have to get used to having someone else in the house.” He smiled and took a bite of his food.

Rory 

The smirk widened even further upon Rory’s face as she watched Marco do his pirate voice again, complete with the facial expressions she loved so dearly as a young child. Honestly, I was hoping for some pirate-themed pickup line to be used, Captain; but I suppose that’ll do. She signed back before turning her attention from her brother to Gen, the smirk still upon her face. “My brother was a pirate in a past life. All about that booty and that chest.” She couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her lips as she said such words... All part of her job description as the annoying baby sister.

Gen

As they all settled, Gen took a sip of the wine, hoping the alcohol might help calm her nerves a bit as Marco spoke about his day. But then came that ridiculous voice and she looked between them, seeing Rory beginning to crack up and Gen huffed out a breath, a bemused smile on her lips, "I'm missing something here...--" Rory soon explained just what he was doing and once she did Gen laughed, shaking her head, "Oh my god." she gasped in between her laughter. "All about the booty huh?" She asked, smirking and knocking her elbow lightly into Marco's just to tease him more as she saw a blush actually coloring his cheeks. "Good to know."

Marco

Marco was so relieved that Rory said he didn't have to do the voice anymore, it was clearly confusing Gen, and he didn't like leaving her out of the joke. He took a sip of his wine when Rory explained that he was a pirate in his past life, and was all about the booty and chest. He almost choked on his wine, and his eyes went wide and fell right onto Gen. He couldn't believe that Rory said that...he was so embarrassed. Thankfully Gen played right along, making this a little less embarrassing. He smiled at her response, "Don't forget the chest little one." He winked at her, "Argh..." This time his tone was a bit more sensual and he made sure to look away from Rory, this was just for Gen.

Rory 

Marco’s reaction to her words was utterly priceless; and Rory couldn’t help but laugh even harder, so much so that she caused herself to snort... which only made her giggle even more, the playful smirk still wide upon her face as she watched the exchange better her brother and Gen, taking note of how they both responded. And then her brother turned away from her to say something, which caused her to grow curious. She took the moment to stop and take a drink in an attempt to calm her laughter as her chest was starting to hurt, something she definitely didn’t want Marco to notice. She then sent one more glance between her brother and Gen before shifting her attention to the food on her plate.

Gen

Honestly, Gen was just the tiniest bit jealous: it must be nice to have a sibling, to have such long-standing inside jokes like they did. She saw the smiles between them, how Rory was happily teasing her big brother and it just made Gen smile. She may not have that, but at least someone as wonderful as Marco did. When he responded quietly back to her, it was now Gen's turn to blush and she cleared her throat, reaching for her glass of wine, "Maybe if you're lucky I'll let you pillage later." she shot back, mumbled into the glass before she took a long drink from it, her eyes glancing up to the Dom beside her. He wasn't the only one who could tease. Finally, though she shifted on the seat and took her fork so she could start eating before she reached over, tapping her fingers on the table a bit so the vibrations and the motion could get Rory's attention. "So..I remembered that you traveled? Where are some places you've gone to?"

Marco

Marco loved that he and Gen could banter with ease, it made for a fun time. She started teasing him back and talked about pillaging her later, and he licked his lips, "I'm feeling really lucky, so a pillaging I will go later. I need to find me treasure." He smirked and took a long sip of his wine. He turned to eat his food and smiled when Gen asked Rory about her travels and he knew she could go on for a long time with that topic. "She has been all over the world and seen a lot of things. I have to admit, still a bit jealous of that."

Rory 

As Rory felt the vibrations on the table like someone was tapping to get her attention, she glanced up, turning to face Gen as she saw her lips moving. She then saw Marco sign, and she figured she’d add her own response to Gen’s question. “I’ve been to over forty countries in the past six years or so.” She began, stopping to take another sip of water. “It’s hard to pick favorites, but I think I got the most out of my trips to Brazil and India.” Other than the USA/Canada, she’d also spent the most time in both those countries. And if she was going to revisit any countries she’d gone to already, they’d be the two she’d go back to in a heartbeat. “I spent six months backpacking throughout Brazil and the Amazon. Just incredible... And I spent three months in India with my best friend from uni.”

Gen

Gen hoped her blush wasn't too apparent on her face as he spoke but even then she rolled her eyes, smiling amusedly. She knocked her knee against his under the table before looking to Rory, letting her speak. Gen nearly dropped her fork then though, her eyes widening. "Forty?" she was stunned, clearly. She'd never even left the city let alone the country...it was a bit overwhelming to even think about. Also more than a little envious. "Backpacking...living in places for months..wow...." she let out a breath, shaking her head, "I can't even wrap my head around that." She agreed with a laugh. "What brought you back?"

Marco

Marco smirked and knocked his knee with Gen. He then turned his attention back to Rory. He was very proud of her for going out and fulfilling her dreams and seeing so much of the world. He chuckled at Gen's reaction to hearing about her travels, it was a lot. "She has seen a lot, and yes she has brought back a lot as well, you should see her room." He laughed, and looked at Rory when Gen asked her what brought her back? It was something he wanted to know as well, so he listened closely.

Rory 

“If you want to see my room after we eat, I can definitely show you some of the photos I’ve taken and all the, um, souvenirs.” Rory’s room was full of them. She liked filling her living space with little reminders of everywhere she’d been. They made her smile, brought back wonderful memories. Though when Gen asked what brought her back to Vannes, she grew quiet, chewing at her lip for a moment and shifting her gaze down to the food on her plate. If Marco and Gen became official, she’d be seeing a lot of the other submissive; and it would probably be good for her to know the truth about her heart condition, just in case. But at the same time, she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready to fully disclose that information. It was something she still struggled to tell new people for fear they’d begin to treat her differently. So she took the time to contemplate her response, finally deciding maybe a little bit of the truth would be best. “Um, for health reasons.” She began, glancing back up so she could watch Gen’s reaction as well as Marco’s since he appeared to be invested in her response as well. “I have a heart defect.”

Gen

"Oh? Yeah, I'd love to see your room!" Gen agreed with a smile, speaking in between bites of the delicious food. She knew she'd never go to half the places in the world she wanted to, but it'd still be nice to live vicariously. Things went quiet when she'd asked why Rory came back and she immediately felt bad, felt like she'd overstepped. Clearly, it wasn't her place... She was about to apologize, to say Rory absolutely didn't have to answer her- when she did. Health reasons, heart defect... her eyes widened slightly, her lips parting, "Oh, I..." she bit her lip, not really knowing how to respond. Apologizing clearly wasn't the right way to go. What was there to be sorry for? She figured it wouldn't be something appreciated. "Well, I hope being here helps."

Marco

Marco smiled hearing Rory was willing to show Gen her rooms and all her souvenirs she collected along the way. "You could be in there for hours going through all of those." He laughed but then he intently listened to Rory talk about her health issues, he knew of somethings that was going on with her, but he wondered if she was hiding anything from him, not that she would tell Gen while he was sitting there. He nodded when she mentioned her heart defect, "She's been dealing with this since birth, but has managed it up to this point." That was the real reason he insisted she moved in with him, he wanted to keep an eye on her.

Rory 

Since Marco shared she’d been dealing with the heart defect since birth, Rory figured there wasn’t much else to say about her condition right about now. She could tell that her mentioning it had caused a bit of uncomfortable tension with Gen. That certainly hadn’t been her intention. She just figured the other submissive should be aware in the event of an emergency. “Being back does help. My family has always been very supportive, especially Marco.” She decided to share, playfully kicking her brother’s shin underneath the table. “Total lifesaver of a big brother.” And a lifesaver in every sense of the word. He’d been there for her through the worst of things.

Gen

Gen listened as they explained about Rory's condition, how she was born with it. Again the apology was on her tongue she swallowed it down and just nodded, "Well, it seems like you've managed amazingly so far." She told her with a smile, keeping her eyes over at the other woman. When Rory mentioned her family, Gen looked up to Marco and smiled softly, nodding, "I can imagine. I've only known him for...is it almost two months?" She asked, directing the question at him (and then feeling her heart flip because it'd been so much time, and yet he wasn't gone yet...) before she looked back to Rory, "He's definitely a protector. I'm glad he's there for you, and you two can have this time together again."

Marco

Marco wanted nothing more than to be there for Rory and he was going to do anything he could for her. His heart melted a bit hearing how she talked about him and their family. He wasn't doing anything special, just what families did for one another. He waved his hand, "I'm nothing special, just doing what a big brother does." He smiled and looked at Gen, "Yeah it's been two months...wow, time really flies when you're having fun doesn't it?" He smirked and tapped her knee underneath the table. He didn't need all this praise from the two of them, it's overwhelming. "Would you two stop it, you're making me blush. I like taking care of the people I care about. I am grateful to have my sister here with me and I am glad to have you in my life Gen. I'll always be here for the both of you." He smiled, "Now can we stop with all this mushy stuff and eat?"

Rory 

“You’re special to me, Marco.” Rory left it at that. He said he was only doing what a big brother was supposed to do, but she knew that wasn’t fully true. He’d always gone above and beyond for her, more than was required because he was her brother. And that’s why she thought of him as her best friend too... Though she’d never admit that to him. Went against the whole ruse of the annoying baby sister act. “And I’ve years of messing with you to make up for. Deal with it.” She stuck her tongue out at him before switching to signing briefly. Also, remind me I have something I want to talk to you about later. He’d probably be able to see in her eyes that whatever it was was more on the serious side. But she didn’t let that look linger for long, instead once again returning her attention to the food on her plate and taking a bite. After all, he had said to stop with all the mushy stuff. “So Gen, how’s the food?”

Gen

Gen hesitated for a second before looking up at him, "You're special to me too." she told Marco softly, biting her lip for a moment before looking away and taking a long drink from her glass of wine. She caught Rory signing to Marco, obviously something she wasn't supposed to know and she glanced away, focusing on her food. She took a few more bites, looking up when her name was called and she smiled, "It's good. Really good. I'm definitely not picky when it comes to food so..I'll pretty much eat anything." She told her with a laugh. "My favorite is Mexican food. Or pizza."

Marco

Marco smiled at Gen, it meant a lot to him to hear her say that. It was definitely a step in the right direction. He raised his brow when Rory said she had something to tell him. Okay... It seemed like it was serious but he wasn't going to press her about it now. He shifted his attention to Gen and smiled as she talked about her not being picky. "I was told that she eats like a twelve-year-old boy. He laughed. "But I don't mind since I'm not too far off from a twelve-year-old boy myself."

Rory 

"I guess it's a good thing Vannes has plenty of eateries then, yeah?" Rory commented before once again shifting her attention to the food on her plate. She was determined to finish her meal without letting it go too cold. Taking several bites, she glanced back up, turning to face Gen so she could watch the other submissive's lips for a response. "Have you ever made your own pizza? Like completely from scratch?" It was something she'd gotten the opportunity to learn how to do properly while in Italy. She was already planning on teaching Marco what she'd learned, but maybe she could try and teach Gen something too. It might be a nice way for them to get to know one another better.

Gen

Gen laughed again, shrugging, "Hey, twelve-year-old boys get great food! I mean- pizza, wings, burgers, fries? What more could you want." She asked teasingly. She suddenly flushed though as she remembered that...right. Rory was vegan. She definitely didn't eat any of that. She hesitated a second before looking over at the other girl, "Sorry." She said--as well as bringing her hand to her chest and signing it, one of the few she'd managed to memorize thanks to Youtube. She took another long drink from her glass, nearly emptying it before looking back and shaking her head, "Oh, uh..no. Never. I'm kind of a disaster in the kitchen.."

Marco

Marco laughed, "I couldn't have said it better myself, twelve-year-old boys eat amazing food." He laughed but saw she felt bad and apologized to Rory for the non-vegan food she named off. "I don't think she minds, she used to me eating all the foods she doesn’t eat." He smiled seeing she even signed for her. He couldn't wait to teach her more. He shook his head and interjected, "Don't listen to that sis, she is a great sous chef. We made brownies together, so I think she can manage pizza."

Rory 

When Gen apologized, a small smile began to form upon Rory's face as the other signed along and spoke. It was nice to know she was already picking up some signs. But the smile faltered and was quickly replaced by a look of confusion. Why was Gen apologizing? She had no idea, not until she saw Marco start to sign. "Vegans eat pizza. And wings. And burgers. And fries." She shared. Obviously, they were, for the most part, different than what most people were used to, especially the wings and burgers. But there were vegan options for pretty much anything, even bacon, and steaks. "I actually love a good burger." She shared before reaching to take a sip of her water. "Well, I took a pizza-making class while in Italy if you'd ever like to learn. I also learned how to make fresh pasta too." Since she was a self-proclaimed foodie (despite all her food allergies), she'd made sure to learn as much about local cuisines wherever she went. The cooking classes she'd gotten to take were always some of her favorite memories.

Gen

Gen was still so nervous and she just needed to relax. She leaned over to take the bottle of wine to refill her glass, going ahead to top off Marco's as well before she looked over, glad to see that Rory wasn't offended or anything. "I've had a mushroom burger before, it was pretty good...granted, it had cheese on it. And ranch but..yeah." she laughed, scratching the back of her neck lightly. Culinary classes in Italy. It sounded like a dream. "That actually sounds pretty great! The pizza and the pasta." She smiled still as she looked up at Marco, "You have a lot of faith in me not burning down your kitchen though."

Marco

Marco shook his head, he couldn't lie, he was not that into all the vegan foods. He scrunched his face, "I am not a fan of mushrooms, so a mushroom burger does not sound appealing to me." He was impressed that Rory took cooking classes in Italy, it was something that he was definitely interested in. "I would totally be down for some pasta and pizza making." He smiled at Gen, "Total faith...." He signed it as well so Rory would see he was taking her advice.

Rory 

Marco didn’t like mushrooms? Challenge accepted. Rory wouldn’t go for the typical mushroom burger, but now she was determined to find some vegan option secretly starring mushrooms that her brother would actually like. Probably in the form of ‘meatballs. That would be a safe option. Plus mushroom 'meatballs atop pasta with a cashew milk Alfredo sauce mixed with broccoli was to die for! “Well, then I guess I’ll have to see what I remember and pass on that knowledge.” It has been a few years since she was in Italy; but between the fact she’d always had a good memory and the fact she blogged nearly everything, she knew she’d be able to recall enough about both cooking classes to teach Marco and/or Gen if they really wanted.

Gen

"Hey, some mushrooms are great! Like mixed in with a good chicken and pasta dish? Or on burgers? amazing. But it's only certain types I like, and they have to at least be cooked with some oil and garlic- garlic makes everything better." She announced with a nod, smiling brightly. "But anyway, yeah. Making pizza sounds great. ..Can we throw in garlic knots too? ..It's like the same bread right? Or..well, dough?" Clearly, she was excited with the prospect--or maybe just really liked pizza. Either way, she was looking forward to learning and spending more time with Marco- and with Rory.

Marco

Marco shook his head, "Nope, not a fan. I just don't think anything called a fungus should be eaten." He didn't think he would be convinced that any type of mushrooms would be something he would enjoy. He looked over at Rory, "I'm sure you will remember everything, you have an amazing memory." Seeing the excitement on Gen's face was something he would never get enough of, she was so adorable when she was excited. "I'm sure we can make garlic knots, I do know how to make my own garlic butter." He tried to make it sound like he was doing something special, but really it wasn't hard or a lot of work at all.

Rory 

“Because he’s a fungi!” Rory blurted out, unable to keep from laughing at her own stupid pun, looking between Marco and Gen to see if either of them understood the joke. Taking a sip of her water, she calmed herself down from the outburst of laughter. “I’ve never made garlic knots; but I’ll find a recipe, okay?” She didn’t think they’d be that difficult. She’d definitely prepared far more complicated recipes before.

Gen

Gen was surprised by Rory's little outburst but she couldn't help but laugh along with her at the ridiculousness of it, giggling as she shook her head fondly. She liked being here, spending time with them. If only she could stop being so damn nervous and worried that she might slip up or do or say something dumb. She sipped her wine again, smiling at Marco. "Oh man..garlic butter? A man after my own heart." She said it more as a teasing joke but...well...it really wasn't all that far off from the truth either, was it? Instead of thinking more on it she looked back to Rory and nodded, "Sounds amazing. Are all your family members good in the kitchen?" she asked with a smile, loving to potentially learn more about their family.

Marco

Marco rolled his eyes and laughed hearing Rory's joke, "You are so lame, sis..." He shook his head, but he was totally laughing at her joke. He smiled at Gen, "I try to be...I want to be." He looked into her eyes deeply, so she could see the sincerity, he wanted to be the man after her heart. He smiled when she tried to change the subject, he was just going to let it go for now. He shook his head at her question, their dad and brother were crap in the kitchen, but he was going to let Rory answer.

Rory 

At Gen's question, Rory just shook her head. The answer was as simple as that. Being skilled in the kitchen didn't exactly run in the Pierre family. "I had to learn to cook because of my allergies and then when I went vegan. And Marco here learned to cook after I went vegan so he could help out... Our maman's not a bad cook; though she doesn't experiment much. And our papa and brother... Well the less said about them in the kitchen, the better." She explained before once more stopping to take a bite of her food. It was starting to cool down thanks to the constant distraction of conversation. But she was enjoying the conversation too much to complain.

Gen

Gen felt her heart skip a beat, going double-time as he responded so quickly, so assuredly. And the way he looked at her... She felt a blush coloring her cheeks but chose to ignore it as she took a few more bites of her food- not minding that it wasn't as hot anymore since she really wasn't at all picky when it came to food. "It's nice of Marco to learn how to cook the foods you eat. Super sweet of you." Under the table she reached over, giving his leg a little squeeze. She still had a smile on her face as she looked to Rory, "And still, even if they're not the greatest in the kitchen..still must've been nice, growing up with a big family."

Marco

Marco smiled when he felt Gen's hand on his leg, it meant she got what he was trying to say, and all he needed to do was keep this up and hopefully they will be more than just friends that hang out. He blushed at her compliment, "She's my sister and I would do anything for her." He meant that he wanted to make Rory's life easier, but he was better at baking than he was at cooking. He laughed when Rory talked about her father and brother, "No way, we keep our brother and father out of the kitchen, they are more hopeless than you claim to be." He laughed.

Rory 

Rory always found it nice when Marco would reassure her that he’d do anything for her. He’d gone above and beyond for her pretty much since she was born apparently. She had plenty of memories of her eldest brother being there for her, everything from learning to cook and bake foods she could eat to reading her stories before bed to playing dress-up and going on ‘adventures’ with her to helping her with her different treatments and therapies to always being there whenever she was hospitalized and doing everything in his power to return the smile to her face... The mere thoughts of all he’d done for her brought a wide smile to Rory’s face. She had a whole photo album somewhere of pics of them from when she was younger. She’d have to go dig that out to show Gen just how sweet and caring Marco could be. But she’d do that after dinner. “Usually I like to give others the benefit of the doubt, but our papa and brother are... Well, they’re considered safety hazards once you let them in the kitchen.” She grimaced. “Did you know it’s possible to burn water?” Well not technically; but one could let the water boil over to the point of it evaporating off the stovetop and causing the whole place to stink. Kinda funny looking back on it, actually.

Gen

Gen's smile softened as he spoke about Rory, how close they obviously were. She felt another pang inside herself, a longing for something she'd never had and never will. She took another bite of her food to focus on that instead of her feelings, knowing there was no use in letting herself get upset over it. It is what it is. As she mentioned burning water Gen happily focused on that instead and let out a laugh, shaking her head, "I didn't. But I feel like that's something I would do if left to my own devices in the kitchen." She teased, smiling at them. "Does your brother still live here in Breton too? Or just your parents?"

Marco

Marco laughed at the story that Rory told Gen about her brother burning the water, “It was something that we never thought was possible, but he proved us wrong. We should have known he would do something like that though, he was always focused on other things that were not in the kitchen. So when he put on the water and decided to take a nap, our house was smokey for a few hours." He laughed and shook his head, "No he lives in Milan with his Domme. They just had a baby and he is enjoying being a new parent." He smiled, feeling a small pang of envy because he wanted to be a parent someday himself, but he knew one day it would happen for him.

Rory 

"Who thinks it a good idea to nap while cooking?" Rory still couldn't believe the ridiculousness of what happened. She hadn't thought burning water was really a thing until that day; and of course, being the annoying baby sister she was, she never let her brother forget it. She hadn't seen him in a while; but whenever she did, she 100% brought up the burnt water thing. "Anyway," She began, pushing her chair out and moving to stand up. "I'll be right back. Excuse me." She placed the napkin that had been on her lap down next to her plate before making her exit.

Gen

Gen laughed again at the story they were telling, shaking her head, "While I don't know anything about cooking, I do at least know that napping while there's some sort of heat or fire involved is very, very bad." She agreed, grinning. Her expression softened when he said they'd had a baby and she hummed, "That sounds nice." She didn't know Marco had been the only Dominant in his siblings, but she believed it--especially with how protective he was. It just made sense. She wanted to know more about the whole family...almost allowed herself to wonder if they maybe even vaguely knew about her. When Rory excused herself, Gen nodded, smiling and watching her go before she let out a breath and gave Marco a little smile, "I haven't made a total idiot out of myself yet right? Your sister does like me?"

Marco

Marco laughed so loud and shook his head, "Only our brother, he just figured someone else would fix his mess because we always did, but this time...he proved to us that he can't be trusted in the kitchen." He shook his head, "Because you are smarter than he was back then, but I think he has become a bit more responsible now that he's older and a parent." He loved talking about his family, especially with Gen. He wanted her to know everything about him like he wanted to know everything about her. He looked over as Rory excused herself from the table and nodded. He smiled back at Gen when they were alone, "You definitely have not, you are perfect. Rory already liked you, so now she likes you even more." He leaned in and kissed her deeply, pulling her almost in his lap. Once they pulled away he smiled at her, "I wanted to do that every time I looked over at you." He took her hand, "You have nothing to worry about, I told you that she would like you because you are a wonderful person, and because you make me happy."

Rory 

After excusing herself from the dinner table, Rory made her way to her room in search of one particular photograph. Unfortunately, since she hadn’t finished unpacking, there were a few places where said photograph could be. But eventually, she found it, a triumphant smile widening across her face as she made her way back to the dinner table. “Here.” She began as she moved to sit down, handing the photograph to Gen. “Told you my brother was a pirate in a past life.” She smirked, sending a quick glance towards Marco to see his reaction. Of course, he didn’t know exactly what the photo was of; but she was sure Gen would show him when she commented on how cute he was (which she was also certain would happen). The photo featured one of her favorite memories, Marco wearing an eyepatch and tricorne hat while reading pirate adventures to little her before bed. At one point, the promise of storytime with her eldest brother had been the only thing to get Rory to cooperate when it came to wearing her nightly oxygen flow or corrective foot brace.

Gen

Gen listened as Marco spoke, his words flooding through her, leaving her warm and more assured and she smiled, nodding, "Okay, if you're sure." He knew his sister better than she did after all. He was leaning in then, kissing her long and slow and she couldn't stop the little noise she let out, wanting more. She was on the edge of her seat by the time they pulled apart, her face flushed and she let out a breath, smiling at him, "Well, we'll have to make up for lost time then later. That is....if..you wouldn't mind it? Me staying over?" She asked, biting her lip, almost hesitant. She heard Rory's steps again then and she shifted, tucking some hair behind her ear. She gave the girl a smile as she returned before she was handed a photo and she blinked in confusion, taking it. The image on it though made her laugh, made her 'awww' as she pulled it closer, inspecting it, "Oh god, this is so cute!"

Marco

Marco loved that Gen wanted to stay over, he wanted her to stay. He smiled, "I want you to stay little one, we have a lot to make up for." He was about to lean in and kiss her again, but Rory came back out and handed Gen a picture. "What is that?" His eyes got wide when he looked over her shoulder and saw exactly what the picture was, "Are you serious? You would show her that picture." He shook his head and covered his face. It wasn't until Gen said it was cute that he looked up, "You think so?" He asked shyly.

Rory 

“What?” Rory inquired, the smirk widening even further upon her face at Marco’s reaction. Just think. Someday after you two claim, you’ll be able to do your pirate voice for your children. She signed that way Gen wouldn’t know what she was saying. And you can tell them about how you used to do that for their angel  Auntie Rory. In a way, it was a sad thought for the brunette. She figured that at the rate things were currently going, she wouldn’t be around to watch her brother do his pirate voice for any future little nieces or nephews; but she did her best to hide any sadness such a thought brought about, instead she continued to focus on the photograph and on teasing her big brother. “It’s my favorite picture with you, Marco. I’m thinking of framing it and putting it on my desk! Actually, that’s exactly what I’m going to do!”

Gen

Gen grinned as she looked at the picture and nodded towards, "Oh of course! C'mon, look how adorable." She teased, turning it towards him before she shifted, taking out her phone. She was about to take a picture of it when she looked up, seeing Rory signing to Marco. She bit her lip, feeling a bit like she was intruding so she looked back down. Whatever it was...clearly they didn't want her to know. Trying not to feel awkward, she just took a picture of the photo for herself to have before handing it back over to Rory. "Framing it's another cute idea. I've always liked seeing old photos."

Marco

Marco sighed and shook his head, You need to stop, we are not even close to the claiming stage yet. He used to never think about claiming but since he met Gen, those thoughts would creep in from time to time. Would she even be interested in that? He wondered, but he wasn't going to think about it now. Besides, you can tell them yourself, you are going to be around for a very long time. He didn’t want to think about losing Rory. He looked over at Gen as she was seemingly taking a picture of his picture, "You did not just take a picture of that did you?" He shook his head, "Don't give her any ideas. I mean a photo album is a good place for it too."

Rory 

I have years to make up for. I will never stop! Rory continued to tease, playfully sticking her tongue out at her brother before once again directing her attention to everyone at the table, wanting to ensure she didn’t exclude Gen for too long. “Maybe you can help me pick out the frame then. This photo does not belong in an album.”

Gen

Gen grinned at him, playfully waving her phone at him before shutting off the screen and effectively locking it. She moved to grab her wine glass again as they continued to sign and not speak, clearly having a conversation they didn't want her to know about. Once the other girl began speaking was when she finally focused again and she smiled, nodding, "Yeah of course. Do you have albums here too? Cause if you do I'd love to see more embarrassing kid photos." she teased, nudging into Marco's side.

Marco

Marco didn't want to leave Gen out of the conversation for too long, so he was glad when Rory started talking about picking out photo albums, but then it took a weird turn that he didn't like. "Oh come on...you don't need to see any more photos of me as a kid. I was not the cutest kid, especially not with this little girl around. I was invisible when she was around."

Rory 

While Rory had paid attention to Marco's signing, she merely scoffed at her brother and turned her full attention towards Gen before speaking up again and placing the small flip album she'd grabbed along with the pirate photo on the table. "Oh, I have a few albums dedicated to the silly things Marco used to do to make me smile... I, um, I was a lot sicker as a child; and he always went above and beyond with his big brother duties to make sure I would be okay. Got me to do my nightly treatments with the promise of costumed storytime." She began, gesturing to the photo she'd brought out before continuing to list off some of the things Marco used to do for her, some of the reasons he was her favorite person. "Um, he drew silly faces on the masks whenever I was in the hospital. Played Candyland with me for hours and hours and let me win even though he'll say I beat him fair and square. Let me paint his nails bright pink and put on lipstick once or twice. Um, wore a tiara and jammed out to Disney songs, and had tea parties... I don't think any of the photos or things he did are embarrassing. I think they just show how amazing he is, how lucky I am." With that, she sent a quick glance to her brother before directing her attention back to Gen and smiling. It was the perfect opportunity to sneak in some more facts about why Marco was so incredible. She wanted Gen to truly know what a wonderful man he was, that she'd be an absolute fool to pass him up.

Gen

Gen just rolled her eyes in Marco’s direction, but then practically ignored his wanting them to stop in preference to look at the album Rory brought over. She leaned in to look at all the photos, a little smile on her lips as she looked at them all. It was admittedly a bit heartbreaking to see such a little girl with tubes and wires and masks, couldn’t imagine how hard that was. But all the stories Rory told her...she was lucky. She had such a wonderful brother. “He really is amazing.” Gen murmured softly, looking at Rory and then to Marco, the same soft little smile on her lips. She couldn’t believe someone was so....perfect. Perfect and actually wanted her. Marco could literally have anyone in the world with how sweet and charming and handsome he was... She let out a breath as she passed the album back, smiling over. “I wish I had albums of my own childhood photos.”

Marco

The last thing Marco wanted was for this conversation to turn into a praise party for something he would naturally do. Rory was his sister and he didn't think twice about doing what he could do to keep her happy. He figured any brother would do the same thing in his situation. He felt a full blush as Rory went on and in telling Gen all the ways they played together. He needed to step in here, "It wasn't that big of a deal, my sister had a raw deal dealt to her and needed to smile through her tough times, so I was just her personal goofball. My brother and I just wanted to see her smile and get through the more difficult times of her life." He didn't want acknowledgment for caring for his sister. He smiled as Gen commented, "You're amazing..." He wanted to kiss her so badly, it just seemed to happen when she was around. He felt a pang of sadness when she said she wished she had albums of her childhood, he wished the same for her. "Well since we can't change the past, we can work on making sure you never miss any more memories." He smiled and took her hand under the table.

Rory 

Typical Marco not wanting to take any praise for the things he used to do. Rory merely shook her head at her brother's words and waved them off. "It was a big deal to me. Still is... So hush." She playfully stuck out her tongue before stopping to take a sip of her water, momentarily shifting her attention away from the conversation. When she once again shifted her attention back to both Marco and Gen, she noticed the dopey lovestruck look they both had in their eyes. It was sweet. She was happy for her big brother; though she had to laugh at his oblivious factor sometimes. Tucking the pirate photo safely into the photo album, she placed off to the side of the table, not wanting anything to happen to the captured memories. Her eyes then trailed to everyone's plates, noticing it seemed they were all getting close to being finished. That meant dessert soon, something her inner child was very much excited for.

Gen

Gen just shook her head, figuring he was going to adamantly undersell himself so..whatever. She'd just happily continue to think he was amazing--and utterly out of her league. Her smile faded a bit as he spoke of her past and she hummed softly, nodding, "Yeah, maybe." She agreed, glancing away. She wasn't sure if Marco had told Rory that she was an orphan and grew up alone in an orphanage. If he didn't..well....it wasn't really something she wanted to dwell on right now either. So instead she just cleared her throat and shifted on the spot, "I think I'm done with dinner for now. If you guys are too, I can clear up here. Least I could do."

Marco

Marco welcomed the change in subject, he would rather talk about anything else other than himself at this point. He finished up his food and smiled as Gen offered to clean up, "Thank you, Gen, I appreciate that. I can get the desserts out if you guys aren't too full yet? Or we can go watch a movie and have dessert later." The more time he had with Gen and Rory, the happier he was.

Rory 

"I vote for dessert." Rory didn't hesitate with her answer. While she didn't have the biggest of sweet tooths, she still favored dessert when it was offered. And she always ensured she saved room for it. "Or if you two would rather a movie, I can wait for dessert... But those brownies you bought looked amazing." She added, briefly shifting her attention solely towards Gen. She wasn't picky about what they did. She was just enjoying getting to know the woman who was spending so much time with Marco. It was nice getting to see how happy Gen made her brother; so all in all, it was turning out to be a nice evening.

Gen

Gen smiled at them, nodding, "Oh I agree. Dessert first." she moved to stand then and started piling the plates rather effortlessly--a perk of being a waitress for so many years now. "I'll take care of this if yeah, you guys wanna get the desserts? I should've brought little paper plates.. fewer dishes to do.." she pulled a little face, nose wrinkling a bit "I'll help with the washing too though."

Marco

Marco smiled and nodded, "Okay, dessert now then." He would never be opposed to dessert first. He got up and headed to the kitchen to grab the desserts, "You don't have to wash the dishes, I'll take care of them later." He didn't want to waste time with her by washing dishes. He grabbed the brownies Gen brought for Rory and the chocolate cake he made and took them out. "This looks good...I can't wait to eat it."

Rory 

Rory had to bite her tongue to keep from commenting when Gen mentioned paper plates. She hated the concept of paper plates or anything of the like that was single-use. They only ended up filling landfills and adding to the pollution of the planet. What was a little extra dishwashing if it meant bettering Mother Earth? But her thoughts were drawn from the topic as the smell of brownies and cake began to fill her nostrils. Both smelled delicious; and she couldn't wait to dig into the brownies, glad to know they were vegan and free from any of her known allergens. As Marco placed the dessert’s down on the table, she didn't hesitate in reaching for a brownie, a goofy little grin finding its way to her face as she also didn't hesitate in taking a bite. "Where'd you get the brownies from, Gen? They're delicious." She'd add the name of the bakery or wherever to her list of places in Vannes to check out.

Gen

Gen brought all the dishes to the kitchen quickly, squirting some soap onto them and letting the water run for a moment- just to let them soak before she quickly rinsed off her hands and headed back, smiling as the delicious food was replaced now by even more-delicious looking desserts. She sat back down as everything was set and she took a bit of both, smiling at the question, "Oh! It's a bakery right beside the bistro I work at. They deliver desserts to our place for us to sell as specials. They're always delicious."

Marco

Marco sat the dessert’s down and took the spot next to Gen, “Oh I've been to that bakery, they have some amazing treats. If any other baked goods were to come in my home, that place is allowed." He laughed, casually wrapping his arm around Gen, it felt normal for him to do that, so he did. He cut a piece of chocolate cake he baked and offered it to Gen, seeing that Rory was already eating the brownies. "Do you want a piece of cake or are you going to eat the brownies?" He hoped she would try his cake so he could get her opinion on it. "What are you guys in the mood to watch? I can watch anything.

Rory 

Taking another bite of the fantastic brownies, Rory's eyes trailed to watching Gen's lips before trailing to watching as Marco signed. Washing down the brownie bite with a few sips of water, she reached for another one and placed it on her plate before commenting further. "If their other vegan pastries are as good as this, I think I might be in trouble." She giggled. "You made the cake, Marco. It'd be rude of me to not try a piece, yeah?" She added before making the sign for 'give me'. "But just a small piece. Don't want to overdo it." If she ate too much, she knew she'd feel sluggish and doze off during whatever movie they ended up watching... Actually, she'd probably end up dozing off anyway. She was notorious for falling asleep before the halfway point of movies. "And as for movies, anything as long as it's not horror, please. Maybe a musical?"

Gen

Gen smiled as Marco's arm went around her and she shuffled her chair a bit closer to him, happy to lean into his side. "Of course I'm having some of your cake. Anything you make I'll want to try." She assured him with a grin. "And as for the others, I had a friend who's now moved, but she was always vegan and she enjoyed things they made! She liked their tiramisu. And my restaurant I work at has a vegan section on the menu as well. You should stop by some time." She offered with a smile, taking another bite of her dessert. At the question she hummed, nodding, "Can we...watch Wizard of Oz?"

Marco

This was nice, sitting here with his sister that he loved more than anything in the world and the woman he found himself falling for every moment they were together. He liked how this felt and would love more moments like this. He happily offered Gen the chocolate cake, "I think it's my best one yet." He didn't like to brag...well maybe he did a little, but this time it was true. He listened as Gen talked about the bakery and her dinner having vegan options, it was nice to gather all the places in the city that would be good for Rory. He wanted to make sure she always had everything she needed. He smiled when Gen suggested The Wizard Of Oz, "I think that would be perfect, I happen to have a copy here." He knew she knew that since he told her how home and his mom would watch it together all the time. "I'll go grab it and get started." He jumped up and grabbed the DVD from the shelf and popped it in. "Anybody want a blanket while I'm up?"

Rory 

While The Wizard of Oz wouldn’t have been Rory’s first choice for a musical, she definitely wasn’t against the suggestion. The songs had decent enough beats that she could easily enjoy their vibrations, and that was what was important to her when it came to a musical. She often got asked how she enjoyed musicals if she couldn’t hear the songs... It all came down to the vibrations. Simple as that. Taking another bite of the brownies, she eyed the cake as Marco began to cut slices. She’d save her piece to nosh on during the movie before she most likely dozed off. “If you want to be the best brother ever, you’ll fetch me the weighted blanket from my trunk.” She beamed, knowing there was no way he’d refuse fetching it for her. Plus he had offered if anyone wanted a blanket.

Gen

Gen smiled around the bite in her mouth, "Mmm, I mean, I've probably had better...." she replied teasingly, giving him a bright grin that showed clearly she was kidding and she leaned up, kissing his cheek, "It's great." Once they agreed on the movie Gen grabbed another brownie to bring with her over to the couch with her, shaking her head, "No, I'm good thanks." She assured him, and as Marco went to get the blanket, Gen decided to quickly bring everything back to the kitchen, wiping down the table quickly before heading back to the living room for the movie.

Marco

Marco gasped in a fake hurt as Gen razzed him about his cake. "You could never have better than my cake little one..." He smirked as she kissed his cheek. "The two of you like teasing me." He shook his head and nodded to Rory, I can do that for you. He headed to her room to grab her blanket. It didn't take too long to find and he gave it to her as she laid on the couch. He grabbed a blanket for him and plopped on the loveseat waiting for Gen to come back so they could start the movie. He turned the surround sound on and booster so they could have the full movie experience and so Rory could feel the vibrations.

Rory 

When Marco returned with her weighted blanket, Rory situated herself on the couch, completely taking it over as she was starting to feel a bit off and wanted to lie down. Plus if she took up the entirety of the couch, that would force Marco and Gen to have to cuddle up on the loveseat. Draping the blanket on top of her, she then reached for the plate with the slice of cake she'd momentarily placed on the coffee table and placed it on her lap for when she got hungry. And as the movie began to play, a smile found its way to her face as she could feel the vibrations coming from the speaker next to the couch, thus making the couch the perfect spot for her to watch a movie from.

Gen

Once everything was clean, Gen picked up her plate with a little bit of cake left and her second brownie and she followed to the living room. She hesitated a second, looking to the couch that was taken up by Rory laying down and she bit her lip before going to Marco, giving a little smile, "Share the space with me?" She asked lightly, meeting his eyes despite the darkness in the room, the movie loud enough that even she could feel the vibrations and she figured that'd be best for Rory coupled with the captions on the screen.

Marco

Marco saw Rory get comfortable and that was what he wanted. He always found himself making sure she was good before relaxing himself. He sat down and looked up with a smile hearing Gen asked him to share the space with him. He opened the blanket, "I was saving it just for you little one." When she sat down he wrapped his arms around her and started watching the movie. It was perfect...

Rory 

Rory sent a quick glance over to the love seat where Marco and Gen were sitting to watch the movie. She took note of how they looked comfortable curled up together, and it made her smile to see her brother so happy. She hoped things with Gen worked out for him. While she still didn't know the other submissive all that much, she could tell she was a good person. Kind. Compassionate. Plus she was gorgeous. Glancing back towards the TV, she began to watch as the black and white of Kansas faded out and the colors of Munchkinland. She always liked the scene in Munchkinland, mainly because 'Munchkin' had been one of her nicknames when she was little, thanks to this movie.

Gen

Gen's smile widened as Marco pulled the blanket up for her, clearly just waiting for her. She climbed up onto the chair, sitting more in his lap than anything else and happily curling up against him. Once his arms went around her she nuzzled in a bit, taking a bit of the brownie before offering it up to his mouth, more than content to feed him. It was...nice, being like this with him--with both of them. It felt right. Natural even. She could see this becoming a regular occurrence. More than that......she was pretty sure she wanted it to be. She wanted this again and again. And hopefully, she'd get it. Once the desserts were done she laid her head against his chest, eyes on the screen, and settled against him for the remainder of the movie, a little smile on her lips the whole time.

Marco

Marco instantly got comfortable with Gen in his arms, he could feel the smile on his face. This was almost like their first date, but now he had the added bonus of Rory being there as well. He smiled and opened his mouth as Gen fed him the brownie, "This is really good." He kissed her cheek and focused on the movie. He could spend so many more nights like this, it was hopefully a glimpse into his future. They all seemed to be enjoying the movie, he couldn't wait to see his favorite part of the movie when the cowardly lion came out, that part always made him laugh.

Rory 

Like clockwork, Rory dozed off around the halfway point of the movie, the plate from the slice of cake sliding off her lap as she pulled the blanket up around her body and curled up into the couch, letting out a satisfied and sleepy sigh. The couch was comfortable enough for her to sleep straight through the night, but that wouldn't be the case. She'd yet to take her nighttime meds, and she knew Marco wouldn't let her stay asleep without doing that. He never failed to remind her not to skip a dose, sometimes to the point of annoyance.

Gen

Just like Rory, Gen fell asleep on top of Marco a few minutes later, not even making it to the end of the movie. She stayed with her face pressed to his neck and only woke up once she felt Marco moving under her. She hummed, yawning quietly before giving him a nudge, "Get her to bed. I'll wait for you in your room." She told him softly, leaning up to kiss him gently before she padded off to his room. She tried waiting as long as she could once she'd stripped off her clothes and grabbed one of his t-shirts he'd had laying around, but she fell back asleep before he got back, curled up in the middle of his bed with the sheets only covering her legs, more than content in his space.

Marco

Marco was the only one that finished the movie, both ladies fell off to sleep. He smiled looking at the two of them as they slumbered, it was so cute. When the credits started to roll, he went to grab the remote, and Gen started to stir. He smiled when she told him to get Rory to bed, "I will, and I'll join you as soon as I'm done." He pulled her in and kissed her deeper before letting her go to his room. He got up and went to grab Rory's nighttime meds and sat them out for her to take. He shook her and waited till she opened her eyes, Hey, take your meds and head to bed. I'm going to wash the dishes before heading to bed. He smiled and made his way to the kitchen. After such an amazing night, he's sure that he was on the right path with Gen, and having Rory here just let him know it was right and he was completely happy.

[rough-and-whump]

Rough is a Whumpee

So, yeah, this might end up being a series, ha ha! I tend to hurt myself a lot and this might be a fun thing for me.

Please keep in mind: I might “whumpify” some of my experiences to make it more interesting in a whump context.

I’m not sure if this might be a trigger for anyone, but obvs don’t read this too much if you don’t like the idea of “whump” type things happening to real people. 

Again, I do this for fun, and I’m as clumsy as a three-legged camel walking blindfolded and backwards on a snow-capped mountain.

Some context:

I do karate. Been practicing for about 9 years. I started as an adult and am one of the longer standing members of my club right now. Most of my peers in the front line have been practicing for 20+ years.

I have chosen to do this to myself, because it’s part of what I view as “my journey” as a martial artist. Plus also, I mean, my injuries in karate have never been that serious - I’m partially lucky, but mostly smart about how I fight and who I fight, lol!

I totally have a lot of times when I get hurt. Most times, it’s not bad - it’s just low-level stuff that bothers me during the day. But when I describe it, it definitely does sound bad - I find it’s okay, like, I can still function; but lots of folks I talk to about my injuries look at me like I’m stupid. But, frankly, I can’t afford to just stay home whenever I feel a bit uncomfortable. XD

The incident:

Canada Day Parade with my karate club. It’s been rainy and wet. We know that this makes boards harder to break, but we (me and my student) still wanted to do it. 

Boards seem fine, our test breaks two days before the Parade went well.

Parade time. First three breaks for me go fine. But there’s definitely more hurt in these boards than the ones we broke last year. Still decide to go ahead.

Break four, last of the parade. In front of a group of small kids, namely girls. It’s my student and my fave corner for breaks since the crowd is usually really amped up. 

It’s been raining now for the last twenty minutes - our boards are soaked. We know this, but we still go for it because we’re idiots.

I set up for an elbow break. I’ve done two of these and a front punch break all fine up to now. So I figure, okay, I can do this. Just all the power.

Fire it up, annnnnd... first one - bounce. Don’t swear, try again. Full power. Bounce.

I switch to a hammer fist break and get through it, but ooowwwwwww.

The consequence:

I have some righteous bruising on my elbow and hand from my two good elbow breaks, the front punch and the hammer fist. I don’t bruise easily and I have an olive/tan skin tone, so bruises don’t generally show through. But these are a niiiiice deep purple, ha ha!

Aaaaaand I have a separated AC joint in my right shoulder.

The whump, mental side:

The doubt of whether or not the injury is actually as bad as it is.

Don’t want to seem “weak”, so I often brush off pain that requires frequent and often medication.

Also don’t want to make a big deal if this really isn’t so bad. It isn’t a full on dislocation, it’s fixable, so it can’t be that bad.

Buuuut, legit it hurts. I refuse to take a bunch of painkillers because I don't like how they make me feel. I'm trying to make do using weed and rest.

Part of why I'm purposefully avoiding strong pain killers is also because when I've done that in the past, I've also ended up trying to "push through" my injury and it makes my recovery longer.

Extending on the point above: I’m purposefully choosing to feel more pain so that I know when to kinda pull back from what I’m doing. This said, I still feel it. So I’m spending the day with increased tension in my neck (manifesting headaches to boot) and a bit of mind fog from just having to devote some of my mind to ignoring the pain.

Details on the painkiller thing: I’m choosing not to use Robax, Motrin, or Tylenol much because I legit had a problem with them a few years back. I never developed any actual bad liver or kidney problems, but I was taking about a bottle of Robax Platinum every week for three weeks at one point. That’s a lot of Robax. And that was a recent blip. Before I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Clinical Depression, I turned to Robax and alcohol to manage my symptoms of panic and feelings of worthlessness. It really did a number on me. There were a lot of factors pushing me into that corner. Honestly, I wish I had access to weed at that time, because it would have helped me so much to have alternative, healthier, and less harmful pain relief and anxiety help. 

When I first stopped taking Robax and chose to just deal with the pain as best I could, it took me about a month to realize that I was feeling better and better and better. I didn’t know why - I thought hey maybe it was just weather or something. But after some more reflection and a bit of experimentation, I found that it was actually the chemical painkillers that made me feel that way.

Legit I was addicted to painkillers. I went from liking the relief I got from two Robax at a time to needing to take four at a time to get a sort of “high” feeling - I could put on “robax glasses” that made it easier to deal with my abusive boss, the blatant illegal activity happening at work, and the toxic work environment and shit pay.

The whump, physical stuff (aka the good stuff):

I can’t lift my right arm over my head, combined with being a creature of habit and right handed, it’s lead to a lot of “fuck, ow!” moments when reaching up for some stationary at the office or when reaching for something in the cabinets in the kitchen.

Sharp pains occasionally - not often - kind of radiates up and down in severity. I can’t find a trigger for it yet, if there is one. It could just be pain ‘cause it’s a busted shoulder. 

Pains tend to be:

“heat” at the shoulder itself

“radiating” lines of tension and sharp pulling pains up across the collarbone towards the base of the neck, up the side of the neck, into the right side of my head (somehow?! when I went to get accupuncture, that point was suuuuper effective/painful), and down towards the meeting point of all the lat muscles in the mid back.

The neck pain is the worst, it sends shooting pains up the right side of my head, and definitely puts me “on edge”.

Typing is a fresh horror. I work an office job in tech and do a lot of typing in my day, so I had to figure out with our office wellness dude (who is such a darling and so sweet, and legit he and I schedule “meetings” that end up just us chatting about our weekend adventures) how to set up my station so I keep my arm internally rotated.

Side note: legit, this separated shoulder thing is a much bigger deal than I think I want it to be. I’m scared of it, really. I don’t want to lose the full function of my right arm - I need to fight with it, plus I need to still be able to “Simba raise” my cat into the air on sunny mornings.

He was telling me I should look into getting a sling so it’s supported while I’m just sitting/not using it. I’m ok without one at work cause I can set up my station so my elbow is supported and I can keep my arm internally rotated. But like, this guy doesn’t make a big deal out of nothing - if he’s advising me to get a sling, I really should consider it... he’s a trained kinesiologist and former physiotherapist, like, he knows what he’s talking about. XD

Headache onset by 11:25 AM. Shit, I wish I took my CBD oil to work. 

It’s definitely a constant presence in my mind - it makes working harder to a degree because a part of my mind is just always firing. But at the same time, work is also better because I have a reason to kind of fully invest myself mentally into work - the pain also sort of drives it. But it’s exhausting and unsustainable. 

Fictional Whump Thoughts From This:

Again, this is me dramatizing my thoughts. I don’t actually think exactly like this - there are parts that are true, but most of it is just me using my experience as a whump jumping point.

“Ah! Fuck... Dammit.” (in response to trying to do a movement drill on Saturday but realizing even just pulling back my left arm with power makes my right shoulder hurt)

“No no, I’m good, it’s okay. It’s just that it hurts a bit and I can’t lift heavy things, but I can still do a lot - it’s okay.”

“Hey, uh, could, um, could I get help out to the car with this?” (sheepishly asked at the grocery store for four measly bags - I ended up just carrying the light stuff on the right side and taking forever because it took too long and I was too embarrassed to wait for help. I’m otherwise able, so I shouldn’t use resources, right?)

“Oh, no, it’s fine - it’s a small price to pay, really. I felt super badass.” (Truth, but some people don’t get it)

[This is less fictional more real, but let’s say it’s dramatized a bit]: I’m really glad this happened to me and not one of my students. I’ve trained for this. And I signed up to do the board breaking knowing it would be harder, more risky and I would certainly be injured. If nothing else, I anticipated bloodied knuckles (I still have the scars from last year’s parade). This would have seriously injured a younger, less experienced student of mine - and would have had lasting mental consequences. Especially done in a public setting like a parade. A lot of people think the boards we break are fake or styrofoam. McDojos might do that, but my club has a history of hard, traditional-style training. Our boards are half inch pine. They’re easier to break, but they still hurt.

“fuck, this is hard without painkillers... this without painkillers or weed?... ugh, my day is gonna be way harder than it should be.”

[In response to my boyfriend’s question of ‘what can I do to make it better?’]: “Naw, I’m good, it’s just me complaining. Don’t mind me, it’s fine. Just complaining about it makes it easier to deal with the pain.”

There’s a definite sense of irritation that I can’t do my usual activities to reduce tension in my neck. I can’t shake my head quickly, my neck mobility is limited, I’m getting tension pains in my left trap now, great.

When I’m in consistent, low-level pain, I often forget to breathe. When deep breathing pulls on the muscles in the shoulder due to how all the torso muscles connect, it makes it even worse.

Okay, legit tho, I’m starting to feel bummed out. So I’mma go throw myself into work.

Again, this is something I did to myself. A lot of my online friends don’t get why I’m so dedicated to this. But I’ve noticed martial artists all react to my injuries with the same reaction I have - sympathetic, but ultimately we’re a bunch of testosterone-ridden fools who like to brag about battle scars. And then ask for heat packs or back rubs ‘cause we’re bunches of teddy bears when we’re not fighting each other.

Anyways, legit this could probably turn into a series for me. I tend to be the whumpee or the caretaker in a lot of scenarios. 

Is this something y’all are good with? Would you prefer this be formatted differently? Anything else you want to know? Otherwise I’mma keep doin’ it just like this.

[bts-svt-mx]

Maid For You (Part 2) Taehyung x Reader

Author: bts-svt-mx

Taehyung x Reader

Jungkook x Reader

Rating: Fluff, M, eventual smut if i get to it lol

Tags: Slow burn, Enemies to Lovers AU, Idol! Taehyung, Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Reader, Hoseok, mentions of other members

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (M), 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Word Count: 2,000

Description: Wanting to get out of your parents house and experience what the world had to offer is way more expensive than people tell you it will be. So when your glamorous “manager to the stars” cousin Hoseok hooks you up with a  job as the live-in maid for a hillside, massive mansion, you feel as though life might actually be looking up. That is until the mansion’s absentee high profile celebrity owner surprises you by moving back in leaving you to wonder if this mansion is big enough for you and his huge ego. 

“Not that I’m not enjoying the show… but may I ask,” Kim Taehyung, Grammy winning world famous pop star, looks you up and down as his features twist into something more stern, angry even. “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

You were going to kill Hoseok.

Chapter 2:

They say to never meet your idols, and after today, you think you know why.

There you are, in front of one of your favorite singers in the whole world and all you can do is stand there looking like a cat caught with his hand in the fishbowl.

The utter look of displeasure plastered on his face made you feel uneasy.  You can’t help but stare blankly at him taking in his rude tone of voice.

Is this real? Have the chemicals just gotten to your head? You thought you had read the labels and made sure they were safe but you probably should have opened up a window or- “Hello?” Snap, snap, snap. Kim Taehyung’s hand is now directly in front of your face snapping repeatedly.  “What, are you suddenly mute now?” He scoffs moving out of your immediate personal space once again.

Curse your awkward staring. You always knew you had a bad habit of staring off into space. And today that space just happened to be occupied by your favorite idol in the world. “Y-you hired me.” It comes out kind of like a squeak but you speak up again, voice a little shaky from the surprise he just gave you. “I’m Y/N…” His face is still blank. Zero recognition going through his brain. “The live in maid...” You continue. Shouldn’t he know who he hired to take care of his home? Or at least know your name if he didn’t know your face? This whole situation is so awkward. You were in your pajamas still for goodness sake!

You blame stupid Hoseok.

Taehyung’s stare that once made your knees weak a year ago makes your stomach settle weirdly now that it’s actually directed towards you. He’s like a photograph come to life. A beautiful, rude picture. God, why did he have to open up his mouth and ruin it?

“I didn’t hire you.” Taehyung spits. “My manager did.”  He leisurely walks around the room picking up random things and analyzing them. It’s odd. He looks as though he’s never seen this place before. He looks... out of place.

“Just like he does everything without my permission,” he mumbles, almost as an afterthought. Looking over to you, a slight smirk creeps over his once unreadable expression. “And where did he find you? Craigslist?”

Your jaw literally drops. How dare he ask you a question like that? You would think he’d be a little bit more considerate since you’re pretty much strangers. Obviously he doesn’t know his basic manners or how to be a decent person for that matter.

If there’s one thing you hate, it’s blatant rudeness. It’s like a light switch. 0 to 100. Your blood begins to boil.

It’s official, you’re pissed.

Well this is definitely not what you always imagined meeting him would be like. More like you imagined you’d run into him on the side of the street, him knocking you over. And he’d catch you before falling to the ground, look into your eyes and- well.. that fantasy popped like a pink bubblegum bubble stretched too far. The initial shock and excitement of coming face to face with your favorite idol had subsided and now you were just angry at his disrespect and quite frankly, kind of offended for Hoseok’s sake too.

He’s back on the other side of the kitchen, analyzing a red and olive colored ceramic rooster and for a moment, you think you see a look of relief and soft eyes before he picks up a similar ceramic frog next to it and cringes at it’s ugly yellow/green color. There he is, looking so nonchalant, not even caring how blunt he is being in the moment. Not even caring how his words might hurt you.

Standing up straighter you find your voice again. You don’t care who he is. You weren’t going to take this disrespect from him. “Your house would have looked like the Haunted Mansion by now if it wasn’t for me cleaning this massive place while you were out for months wasting money and partying it up in a different country every day.”

His gaze quickly snaps back to you, surprise reflecting in his face from your more than un-lady like tone of voice. What? So he can talk to you like you’re nothing but you can’t do the same back to him?

“And Hoseok’s a good man,” you continue.  “He works his ass off to make sure you’re happy every day which I’m sure can’t be an easy job.”

It’s true. Hoseok can’t really talk about his clients but he does tell you about how exhausted they make him. Hoseok never really lets it get to him though and you know he bounces back quickly, but still. No one disrespects your family like that.

“So who are you to blame him for hiring a damn housekeeper for you while you’re away?” you sputter out quickly. Woah Y/N. Where did all of this aggression come from? He had only really said 3 or 4 things to you. Granted, every one of those things was something insulting. Your confidence began to falter again. His hard gaze on you was making you self conscious. Tearing your eyes away from his for the first time, you look down and toy with the hem of your Mickey Mouse pajama shirt.

Wait, no. Look up again Y/N, you can’t give him the feeling he’s winning here.

“And who are you to make me feel like I’m the one intruding here?” You add, trying to fake more confidence. Voice raising to a yell. “You know nothing about me or this house. You look like you’ve never even seen this place before!”

Your own words hit your ears with a boom as they bounce off of the marble walls. Shit.. that was probably too far. Ugh. Why can’t you ever keep your mouth shut? You were so going to be fired after this. Goodbye to the freedom of the city, hello Mom and Dad’s house. Again.

Using both of his hands to push himself off of the edge of the countertop he’s leaning on, he scoffs. Expression once again unreadable. A closed book with no title.

“Of course I know you,” He speaks, eyes narrowing.

Slowly, he makes his way over to the refrigerator where you stand. You don’t know how, but he’s clearly taken back the control in this conversation.

Suddenly you feel small again. Obviously he isn’t used to being questioned and you just had to go ahead and run your mouth. 

“You’re just another fangirl desperately pulling any strings she can to get close to me.” He explains laughing slightly, but devoid of any real humor. It’s at this point you realize how tall and broad he is. Towering over you in the physical sense and also in the metaphorical sense. Closer and closer he walks. Suffocating you like a snake coiling around its prey.

His lips curl into a condescending smirk as he places his hand flat against the freezer door effectively trapping you in. “What? Do you actually believe in your insane, obsessed mind that you would have a chance with me if you got close to me?” His eyes scan your face, assessing just how much his words are affecting you. There’s hatred in his voice. Though for you or for himself, you’re not quite sure.

His face is so close. You could feel his breath on your cheek. Surprisingly very minty with a hint of jasmine, you think. And his cologne… Not too overwhelming but definitely distinct enough where you were certain you’d be able to pick it out anywhere from now on. It melted through the air, wrapping around you slowly until it was all that you could focus on.

Woah... it was really messing with your brain.

His other hand reaches out to move a strand of your hair that had fallen out of your bun while dancing just a few moments ago. Effectively ripping you out of your former lifestyle being the pseudo owner of this huge mansion and thrusting you into your reality of being a full time maid.

Because really, that was all you were.

Sure, you had your fun living in this house by yourself with all the freedom in the world at your fingertips. But did you expect it to last forever?

You don’t want it to, but your heart chooses this moment to start beating like it’s about to pop out of your chest. The look he’s giving you right now.. you know it well. And you’re sure it’s the one he uses to get any girl he wants, whenever he wants.

The only thing connecting the two of you physically is his fingers threaded around the strand of your hair. You might as well have been fully pressed against each other with the amount of heat you feel creeping up inside of you. And though you don’t really want to admit it, you have to physically restrain yourself from pushing yourself into him by gripping firmly onto the refrigerator door handle behind you.

“Well, you are quite pretty,” You didn’t know it was possible but his voice drops to an even lower octave. Vibrating through your chest as he speaks. 

He’s considering his next words carefully. Gaze following the lines of your face. Eyes meeting eyes, moving across the map of your face to your nose, your reddened cheeks, then finally landing on your lips.

“Maybe if you don’t turn out to be a complete psycho I might actually fuck you.” His eyes dark, smirk still plastered on his face. “You know, to get you out of my way and save us both some time.”  

What you thought was your heart about to burst out of your chest turned out to be a fit of laughter causing Taehyung to recoil quickly, pulling his hands from the side of your head and away from your hair out of surprise. His face contorting into something of a mix between confusion and disgust as you cackled in his face. You almost couldn’t get your next sentence out as you doubled over laughing.

“See...” More laughing. Any feelings of lust caused by his entrancing scent now replaced with amusement in an instant. “That’s where you’re wrong,” Even more laughing. Wow, it’s been a while since you laughed this much.

“I could give less of a fuck about who you are.” You say mocking his vulgar word choice. A few more giggles leaving your lips. Okay, it was a lie. You’ll admit that. The you of last year would have been freaking out about who was in front of the present day you right now. But the situation you were in is just so ironic! You had dreamed about meeting Taehyung for a couple of years now and now that it has actually happened, it’s so completely the opposite of what you had always played out in your head that it was almost… well, yeah actually it was just hilarious.

Who would've thought the world’s sweetheart would be such a complete and total douchebag?  

“Hoseok didn’t even tell me who owned this place.” You tried to catch your breath as the giggles finally subsided.  “I just needed easy money and a place to sleep. Hell, I don’t even know what you do for a living!” Okay, that’s another lie but honestly, who really cares at this point. Clearly the respect and love for him you had before was just of the image he portrayed to the media. 

That was not the man standing in front of you right now. And it made you more than a little angry. What’s a little white lie at this point when he’s been lying to the whole world for who knows how long?

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” You push yourself away from in front of the refrigerator putting the mop in the small cleaning supply closet a few steps away. Taehyung hasn’t moved an inch. Now it’s his turn to be speechless. “I have a job to continue doing seeing as I’m the main person making sure your house doesn’t end up looking like an abandoned dump with all the dust the piling up from no one EVER USING ANYTHING HERE,” You practically scream the last part in his direction, words reverberating off the walls once again as you turn swiftly on your heel to head rather quickly to your room on the West side of the mansion.

You had a phone call to make.

<-- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -->

[dissonants-13]

Darkest Before The Light

An It Lives In The Woods Story

Pairing: Dan x MC (Anna) 

Story Notes: 8,000+ words, sexual situations.  

Soundtrack

+ Oceandust: Hands Like Houses

+ A Tale of Outer Surburbia: Hands Like Houses 

+ Developments: Hands Like Houses 

+ Shapeshifters: Hands Like Houses

It started innocently enough, on that dark and desolate night in the woods, when Jane had taken possession of Dan’s body and used him as a mouthpiece for her sick revenge. Everyone plays together. The words would never leave him; they were burned onto the inside of his eyelids and tangled in the dark places in his soul. Somehow though, he’d been able to see Anna through the haze of darkness, the roiling shadows in his own head, but the real Dan had been trapped in that horror, in Jane’s insidious shadows. Anna came after him, fearless, catching him in the clearing. Her eyes, an eldritch, violet-blue that had always startled Dan, had held his gaze, and her long, black hair looked wild, her skin as pale as starlight. The real Dan had noticed all these things, but could do nothing as the monster Jane had made him taunt Anna.

But then she had begun to speak. Her voice was soft and husky, familiar and soothing as she spoke of memories. And Dan felt himself - his real self - stir in his mind. A tiny hope flickered to life - could he fight Jane? He had wrestled with the shadows in his head, while Anna’s gentle tone tugged him back to her, prying the darkness from his eyes. He felt like he was losing - Jane was so strong, so angry - but then Anna had stepped up, unafraid of him, and put her arms around him. It was the kind of hug where one of the huggers’ arms slides up to the back of your head and their other arm tightens around your waist, and they just hold you  while you fall apart. Dan could smell the vanilla and raspberry scent of her conditioner, and that’s when he’d realised he could beat Jane - because before that, all he’d been able to smell was wet dirt and decay. He’d felt the shadows seep from his skin; he was unchained, awoken, and then he’d felt a strange and beautiful tingling as the warmth returned to his body. Anna’s skin felt like the beach on a summer evening, and Dan held her tighter, his face buried beneath soft black locks and his skin drinking in her warmth.

In the ruins, he’d looked directly at Jane as he shouted her down, even though her eyes crackled and burned the way they did in his worst nightmares. Though his gaze never left Jane, in his minds’ eye he saw Anna, imagined himself looking into her oceanic eyes; she’d been so brave for him and she’d always believed in him. She’d come to save him every time he’d reached out desperately in the darkness of Jane’s possession, never concerned for her own safety. She’d cheered for him at all his football games - he had noticed every time - even after their group had splintered. Staring into the red, hot hatred in Jane’s eyes, Dan had known it was real, and had believed he could be brave for Anna and their friends. He could face his fear, the spectre over his entire teenage life, and never let Jane use him to hurt the people he loved again.

When he’d beaten the game and landed with a thud and an oof on the damp, dewy forest floor outside the ruins, he’d felt no relief - just a raging, blood-boiling anger that Jane had done this to them, and that Anna was being punished for not being able to protect Jane from a monster when she was just a child too. The corners of his vision blurred red with fury as one by one, his friends were ejected from the ruins…all except Anna. She was still trapped in there with Noah and Jane, and no matter how hard they all tried, none of them could penetrate the ruins.

“Noah!” Dan snarled, throwing himself against the invisible barrier, to no avail. Dan had never been an angry kind of guy, but when he had seen Noah holding a knife to Anna’s pale throat, the wicked blade pressing just hard enough to break the delicate skin a little and send a trickle of red blood down the hollow of her throat, he’d felt a wave of rage crash over him like an avalanche. If he hadn’t been trapped by Jane’s sorcery, Dan felt he would have tackled Noah, would have fought and clawed and punched until he made Noah hurt, the way Anna was being hurt. The panic of waiting, of being unable to get into the ruins to help Anna, who would and had literally laid her life on the line for all of them, had been amongst the worst moments of Dan’s life.

By contrast, the moment she had stumbled from the ruins - bloody, bruised, but beautifully alive - was amongst the best. Before Dan even knew what he was doing, he had gone to her and crushed her in a hug, as tight as she had held him in the clearing, feeling her arms around him again and the fluttering heartbeat in her neck, against his cheek. He’d murmured in her ear, his voice husky with fear and relief, “You’re okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you.” Then he had stepped back, keeping a hold of her hand and had asked, “Anna, what happened down there?”

She had explained, and oddly enough, Dan had felt a twinge of pride - their girl was so strong and so brave. She was their warrior, their protector. Even after all she’d been through, Dan could still see that fierce light in her blue eyes - Jane and Noah could never, ever break that. Dan felt an intense rush of love for all of his friends, and he found he couldn’t look away from Anna, unwilling to let her out of his sight again, even later at the hospital.

The doctor was a kindly but harried looking middle-aged man, who blinked slowly when Dan stood up without even thinking to go with Anna into the triage room.

“Are you a relative?” The doctor asked brusquely, looking Dan up and down.

“I want Dan with me,” Anna had said quickly, quietly, reaching down to take his hand. Though she was gentle, her tone left no room for arguing. The doctor had shrugged and beckoned them, and Dan had gone to let go of Anna’s hand. She squeezed his fingers gently, the corner of her lips curling minutely, and she threaded their fingers, leading him. He let her pull him forward, smiling when she wasn’t looking. He held her hand throughout the doctor’s poking and prodding, and the smile he was rewarded with when she got the all clear and was ushered out the door made his heart contract unexpectedly.

And then, the ‘healing’ began, which looked wildly different for each of them. They had to go back to their senior year, and Cody was still dead, and they were changed forever. Things were different, but they had to cope somehow. Lucas threw himself back into the presidency and worked through his trauma by literally working - student government, committees, college applications, and even part time work at the pet store in town. He claimed the kittens calmed him.

Ava was as snarky as ever, and had taken to researching Cora and the more mystical history of Westchester, but it was when she was inexplicably nice that the group rallied around her especially hard, because that was a clear indicator she was having a bad day. Lily was remarkably well, filled with an optimism that their ordeal was behind them. Anna whispered to Dan with a grin in English one morning that she was pretty sure Lily was just happy because of a certain new arrival in town, a junior by the name of Shannon.

Andy attacked his rehab with the same single-mindedness with which he’d approached his training after transitioning, as he had aimed to make the basketball team. But his treatment also kept him out of school for a long time - there was talk of him re-doing his senior year. Andy didn’t seem to mind too much - “Means I can go out for Captain,” he’d said with a wink, when Lily asked him if he was upset about repeating. Trying to steal the olives off Anna’s pizza and blaming it on being a kind-of cripple - not for the first time, either - had merely earned him a quick smack upside the head though, which made Dan laugh.

Stacy resumed her mantle as cheer captain, with a much more docile Britney and Jocelyn in tow, and could often be seen around town, making an effort with her parents and her brother. More often than not, she’d be seen sharing a trademark Stacy Green eye roll with Connor, when their parents were total dorks - which was frequently.

For his part, Dan threw himself into trying to take control of his own head - getting to know his PTSD, studying counselling and mentoring outside of school and doing mini-courses. Some days Dan felt totally lost in the knowledge that he was the sickness and the symptom and the cure, and his skin kept the world out, yes, but it also kept his body and his mind and his soul in. There was football though, which helped - there was nothing like the clear-headed bliss that came from exercise. He liked to run, and whenever the white noise in his head got too loud, he was in his track pants and sneakers before he knew it, and would let his legs carry him until his lungs burned and the taste of salty sweat erased the memory of the scent of decay for a while. More and more often, he found himself ending up at Anna’s place on the forest edge. She seemed to have a sixth sense about him turning up - half the time she was opening the front door before he’d even crossed the street. She always greeted him with a curling half smile; it was cheeky, and made him glad he was already red in the face from his run for unknown reasons. He knew why he kept going to her though - Anna was the only one who could make the noise in his head stop.

They watched movies together - sometimes Anna would have the movie picked, and Netflix loaded and ready to go before Dan even arrived. Somehow she always knew when he needed her and would be jogging up on her doorstep. Dan liked the movies; he liked burying themselves under the plush fabric of Anna’s polar fleece throw, under the cozy, sloping roof of her room, with just the glow of the TV to light them. It always made Anna’s eyes look glacier blue. She made him popcorn too, which he liked, and they fought playfully over the most buttery pieces. Often, Anna’s head would end up at the junction where Dan’s chest met his shoulders - she just seemed to fit so perfectly there - and he had lost count of the number of times he’d realised halfway through a movie that his hand was resting on Anna’s thigh. She never seemed to mind.

One night, he was out running late, unable to sleep, even though it was close to midnight. He’d pounded the familiar path that took him to Anna’s, without even realising it, and had stopped when he’d noticed her bedroom light on and her curtain open. For a moment, nothing had happened, and then… Dan swallowed heavily - Anna had just walked past the window, her dark hair wet and loose, a navy towel wrapped around her. She disappeared for a moment, and then reappeared. Her back was to the window, and Dan could make out every lean muscle of her back and shoulders under bare skin, and the hollow of her spine all the way down to mint green pyjama shorts, which sat high over the gentle curve of her waist. He knew he should look away, should keep running, should stop the sudden thoughts of touching that bare, soft looking skin…skin that belonged to his best friend… Dan turned on his heel and sprinted home. His mom looked surprised to see him back so soon, but he jogged through the kitchen and down the hall to his room before she could question him.

Anna’s smile that Monday when she saw him at school was like the sun rising, and Dan found his breath coming quicker when he saw her. He flashed her a grin though, and leant his shoulder against the locker next to hers.  

“I missed you on Saturday night,” she said, stacking her books into the arms he held outstretched to her for that exact purpose. “My movie buddy never showed up after his run!”

Dan shrugged, trying to play it cool. He was the QB for crying out loud - he’d never gotten this…fluttery around a girl before. It didn’t help that Anna wore a deep necked Led Zeppelin singlet, and his eyes were immediately drawn down the sharp angle of her shoulder blade.

“Dan?” she asked, startling him out of his reverie. “You okay?” One long-fingered hand slid onto his neck, beneath the soft brown hair that curled there, and Dan met the big, violet-blue eyes that searched his gaze.

“Great,” he said, hoisting her books. “I’ll make it up to you - Avengers on Friday night? Gotta get ready for Infinity War to come out.”

“I love the way you think, Pierce, but maybe Saturday? Stacy is having a party Friday.”

Stacy’s parents were going on a couples retreat before the re-election campaign, and they’d even given Stacy permission for her party - as long as Connor kept an eye on things. Most of senior year were going, plus plenty of juniors and the whole group had promised to be there. By ten o’clock, Dan was lightly buzzed, and watching Ava draw on Andy’s moon-boot, but Anna had yet to arrive. He tried to stop himself glancing at the door every few seconds, but he just couldn’t help himself. Every person who came into the house who wasn’t Anna was a disappointment.

“Markov!” Connor’s voice boomed across the lounge, as the front door quietly swung open. “Nice of you to join us!” There was a whirl of red material and black hair, before Connor set the laughing Anna on her feet again. She smoothed down the lush velvet material of her dress, and then spread her hands apologetically in Connor’s direction.

“I’m sorry I’m late, my mom and dad insisted on family dinner before they go to Europe.” She smiled the kind of smile that would have made it impossible to be mad at her,  even if she’d come in announcing that classic rock sucked, Trump was a good president and universal healthcare was a terrible idea.

Connor was speaking, but Anna’s eyes were searching - Dan raised two fingers in a small salute when her gaze landed on him, and her smile brightened, the corners of her eyes crinkling with genuine happiness. Within moments, Lucas had appeared, pressing a red cup into Anna’s hands and at least half a dozen kisses to her face, but her eyes found Dan’s again and as he watched, she pushed her way through the crowded room to him. Everyone else was blurred and slow-moving; it felt like Anna was the only one in technicolor and true motion.

“Hey dork,” he greeted her, clinking his cup against hers. Ava looked up and grinned, and Andy stretched his hand out for a fist bump. Anna indulged him.

“Hey noodle,” Anna said, sliding into the space next to Dan on the couch. She tucked one leg up under her, and her knee rested lightly against his thigh. The nickname ‘noodle’ had followed him since middle-school, when he’d gone from five-feet-ten to six-foot-two almost overnight, and had strongly resembled a pool noodle in terms of grace and athleticism.

“Is that a pentagram?” Anna asked mildly, peering at Ava’s artwork. Andy looked down, apparently surprised.

“Yeah…but like, not the derivative kind. But no upside down crosses, I’m no cliche.” Ava grinned wolfishly, adding shading to her - surprisingly good - portrait of Tom on the shin of Andy’s boot. The four joked for a while, joined briefly by Stacy, before she was whisked away again for a game of beer pong. Eventually Anna was called off by Lily and Shannon to help with a round of flip-cup, and she stood up to follow them, squeezing Dan’s knee lightly as she left. Ava was stretched out on the floor by this time, listening to Tom and Andy’s basketball chat with her eyes closed and her hands behind her head.

“Why don’t you just make a move?” she asked suddenly, nudging Dan’s shin with the toe of her boot.

“What?” Dan exclaimed, nearly upending his (spiked) punch on his lap.

“She won’t be single forever, and you’re dumber than old mate Ben over there if you think being ‘just friends,’ is enough for you.” Ava was expressionless, but Dan thought he could detect a hint of a sparkle in her dark eyes.

“You don’t know me,” he teased, trying to deflect. He dug his own toe into Ava’s lower ribs, where he knew she was sensitive. She squirmed a little, before fixing him with a mischievous grin.

“Oh coz you’re so hard to read, Mr Football Star. You pine for her like that stupid adorable cat she found. But…” Ava sat up and stretched luxuriously. “If you wanna keep denying it, then your loss. Maybe I’ll have a crack?” Ava winked, before wandering in search of a fresh drink. Dan watched her go, then looked for Anna, but she was nowhere in sight. Squaring his shoulders, he heaved himself off the couch and headed towards the backyard, where a thronging mass of his classmates were grinding and dancing to the R’n’B playing through massive speakers that had been ‘borrowed’ from the band room at school. After a moment, Dan spotted Anna twining sinuously with Stacy in the midst of the crowd, her arms above her head and her chest glistening with a light sheen from exertion. Stacy’s hands were on Anna’s hips, pushing and pulling with the beat of the music.

After a minute of watching, Dan could take no more - a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Ava nagged that Anna wouldn’t be single forever and all Dan knew was that his heart sped up when he looked her, and she filled all the broken spaces in him, and maybe that meant something important. He shouldered his way through the dancers, sliding an arm around Anna’s waist and lifting her off the ground.

“Dan!” she cried, throwing her head back as she laughed. She wound her arms around his neck and curled one hand in his hair, which made something in his gut twist pleasantly. “Dan, you’re dancing!”

“Miracles do happen,” he quipped dryly. Reluctantly, he set her down, but she slid her hands down his chest and kept him close, moving her hips to the rhythm.

“Are you calling yourself a miracle?” Anna teased.

“As if I’m anything but,” Dan scoffed, affecting an arrogant tone and arching a brow at Anna over the rim of his cup. She gave him a little smile, which produced a dimple in her right cheek - an ‘oh, you,’ kind of smile - and then she half-turned away from him as Stacy whispered in her ear, though her fingertips lingered on his hip. Anna was smiling as Stacy spoke, occasionally pointing subtly at a tall, handsome senior, who Dan thought might be on the school newspaper. Dan watched Anna, bobbing thoughtfully to the music as he did so.

Thinking back, there was the time Dan had sat down at the cafeteria table the group always sat at, arriving in the midst of a conversation about Anna - who was not at the table - being asked out by her new lab partner, who according to Lily had been following Anna around like a lovesick puppy since they had all come back to school. Something uncomfortable had twisted in Dan’s gut as he listened to that conversation, and sure, after that Dan had waited outside of the lab to catch a glimpse of this kid. He was a boring kind of handsome - nondescript blonde and brown eyed, densely freckled - and though Anna was smiling at something he was saying as they emerged, Dan could see her heart wasn’t in it, not like the way she laughed at his jokes. Her smile when she saw Dan waiting for her, however, was brilliant, and he felt a little spark of triumph. He slung an arm around Anna’s shoulders, and then jerked his head in greeting at the lab partner.

“Hey, I’m Dan.”

“I-I know who you are,” the guy said. “I’m Rob.”

“Cool, cool,” Dan said, already looking down at Anna. She wore a wry smile, but said nothing. “Movies tonight?” he asked.

They walked home together, companionably silent for the most part, until Anna piped up, “I said no by the way.”

“Huh?” he asked, but she just shook her head at him, smiling in a secret kind of way.

But none of that meant he was jealous, or that he liked Anna, Dan thought to himself as he lay in bed later that night. He was just looking out for his best friend - there was no way that guy was good enough for her. Right?

But if he was really being honest with himself, Dan knew he was pretty confused. Anna was very beautiful, it was true, and she was his best friend, the only person who could make him feel less hollow and barren inside. To be honest, he wasn’t used to chasing – Dan had struggled with his mental health too much to be too into dating before the return of Redfield, but then again, as the star quarterback he’d never had to try to get girls either – they were just kinda there. But Anna… Dan wanted to kiss her and more, the feeling wavering in his blood as his eyes traced the neckline of her dress along the soft flesh it hugged. A new hunger was waking in Dan – had been stirring since the other night when he’d seen her through the window, but really had been there much longer if he was honest with himself. Was that wrong? He wondered, his throat dry as Anna’s back pressed up against his chest, buffeted as they were by the dancing bodies around them. Their friendship was the most precious thing in the world to him, and what if she didn’t feel the same? He thought of Ava’s teasing, and of Lucas showering Anna in kisses, and Connor’s face lighting up to see her. She had options, no doubt. Why would she want the broken, damaged guy, whose PTSD was so bad some days that he couldn’t even get himself out of bed for school? It seemed inconceivable to Dan that she’d want him back.

And yet…

“Dan, come on.”

He looked down, finding his hand in Anna’s.

“We’re playing Mystery Bag,” Anna said, shooting him a bedroom smile over her shoulder. They followed Stacy down to the bottom of the garden, arranging themselves in a circle with the rest of the group near the fire pit. The grass was dry and soft, and Dan stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles and leaning back on his hands. Anna sat next to him, despite Connor’s hopeful expression and the gap between him and Stacy. She was close enough that Dan got a toe-curling waft of vanilla and raspberries as Anna shook her long, dark waves back off her shoulders. Seeing the goosebumps rising on her arms, Dan quickly shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. His fingertips brushed her collarbones lightly, and she shot him a grateful smile.

Mystery Bag was a game of their own invention, an unholy mash up of all the best party games - truth or dare, never have I ever, spin the bottle, seven minutes, and so on. Lily appeared with Shannon in tow, shaking a large burlap sack which held the task cards for the game. Ava dropped two large dice in the middle of the circle, grinning rakishly.

“Seven,” she announced, adding the combined scores shown on the two dice. They went around the circle until everyone had rolled, leaving Andy and Lily both on twelve. They both rolled again, and this time Lily came out on top, with nine to Andy’s five.

“Yes, I go first!” Lily grinned, clapping her hands together. Ava held the bag up for her and Lily rustled around in it for a moment, eventually drawing a pale pink card.

“Ooooh,” Stacy said, rocking forwards on her knees. “Truth bomb right off the bat!”

“Okay, first to roll doubles gets to ask Lily the truth,” Andy said, handing the dice to Lucas first. Stacy rolled doubles first, and pondered for a moment. Lily looked mildly nervous.

“I kinda wanna ask about Britney, just out of sheer, morbid curiosity,” Stacy said thoughtfully, tossing her ponytail. “But I want - my truth is…how far have you and Shannon gone?”

Lily blushed, but to her credit, she didn’t miss a beat. “Third,” she said, wryly reciprocating Shannon’s high five. The game always moved to the right, so Tom was next. He drew a dare, and had to hold a headstand until the first pair of uneven numbers was rolled.  When he was finally released, he was bright red in the face, the veins in his neck bulging, but Andy was looking at him, open-mouthed and impressed.

Lucas drew a spin the bottle card, and his spin landed on Ava, which resulted in the most hilarious and awkward kiss the group had ever seen. Ava was next; there was a collective intake of breath as she drew one of the rarest cards - a purple seven minutes in heaven card, which meant Ava had to send two people of her choosing to heaven. The red seven minutes cards were more common, and meant the owner had to chose someone to go with them.

Ava met Dan’s eye suddenly, her expression turning wicked. “Pierce, you’re up.” She winked, then her eyes scanned the group, pretending to consider everyone carefully. Dan’s heart thudded rapidly and, as Ava’s gaze lingered on Stacy, he snuck a look at Anna. Her lips were pressed together, her eyes following Ava.

“Anna!” Ava cried, grinning and pointing suddenly. Anna looked taken aback for a moment, before turning to gauge Dan’s reaction. He stuck his tongue out at Ava, then jumped up and offered his hand to Anna.

“You coming Markov?” he asked, silently praying she would go with him. She stared up at him for a moment that felt like an eternity, before one corner of her mouth curled in a wry little smirk and she allowed him to pull her to her feet.

“Use the big linen closet off the hallway!” Stacy called to them, over the hooting and cat-calling their friends were doing.

“Use a condom!” Ava added, and the whole group dissolved into hysterical laughter.

People were dancing inside, drinking and playing beer pong, and hardly anyone noticed as Dan and Anna slipped through the crowd. The linen closet was a walk-in, big enough for them to stand, but there wouldn’t be much distance between them. Anna went first, and Dan followed, switching off the light and setting the torch on his phone to soft. Once the door was shut, he clicked start on the timer he had set for seven minutes. He turned toward Anna in the dark, pretty sure his arm had accidentally brushed her chest in the darkness.

“Hey,” he said gently, his hand finding hers.

“Hi.” He could just make out the shape of her face and the movement of her long lashes in the gloom.  

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” Dan asked, somehow braver in the dark cupboard than he’d ever dare to be outside.

“I wouldn’t believe you if you did,” Anna said, laughing lightly. She punched him playfully in the chest, but Dan could recognise the tone of voice she used when she tried to play things down.

“Why not?”

“I’m not beautiful - Ava is beautiful, Stacy is beautiful…I’m just…plain old Anna.” Anna’s chin was low, her lashes downcast; Dan lifted his hand to tilt her head up.

“You’re an idiot,” he said, finding her cheek in the dark and brushing his thumb across it. “I can’t explain enough how wrong you are right now.”

They were silent for a good minute, watching the timer.

“How are you doing?” Anna asked eventually, shifting her weight.

Dan shrugged. “I have more good days than bad days, so I’m taking that as a small victory.”

“I’m proud of you,” Anna said, and Dan felt his heart take off at that statement.

“What about you?” he asked, leaning a little closer. “You spend too much time taking care of all the rest of us, that we forget to make sure you’re okay.”

He felt, rather than saw Anna shrug in the dark. “I’m fine.”

When she said no more, Dan prodded. “Annie… it’s me.”

She sighed, and almost absentmindedly slipped her hands past his elbows to rest on his hips. “I have my moments. Usually they’re right before you turn up on my doorstep after a run, like you’re psychic or something.”

“Does it help? Me being there?”

Anna was silent for a long, tremulous moment, before letting out a little huh of breath. “More than you could ever realise,” she said, so softly that Dan almost missed it.

“It’s the only time I feel whole,” Dan offered, resting a hand on her neck. He’d bare his soul to her there in the dark, if she wanted. “When I’m around you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Anna said doubtfully, but she leant in to his touch.

Dan slid his hand down her bare arm, finding her hand and pressing it against his shirt. His heart was pounding a drum beat against his rib cage; her head jerked up as she tried to find his eyes in the gloaming. “I’m so serious right now, Anna.”

The timer was at three minutes - Dan knew he had to do something now, or he’d never pluck up the courage. “I shouldn’t do this,” he murmured, taking one step and letting his hips press Anna lightly against the shelves. “You should stop me.” He tilted her chin up, his thumb finding her pillowy lower lip.

She let out another little huff of breath that made Dan’s heart stop momentarily. Her hands were on his arms; her lips parted as Dan got close enough that there were mere inches between them. “Dan,” she breathed, but it was more of a beckon than a halt.

“If you don’t want this, stop me now,” Dan said, his voice low and husky.

The hand on his chest clenched in his shirt and he crashed his mouth to hers, hard, like asteroids colliding; her lips parted for him, their tongues meeting as if they were born to do this together. Dan pressed her harder against the shelves, one hand reaching down to pull her knee up, and he kissed her fiercely, feverish, drinking in the heady slide of her lips and the taste of honey and whiskey and the way her leg trembled as his fingertips dug into her thigh.

“Dan,” she gasped, against his mouth, and his whole body throbbed. Anna’s hips rolled against his, her hand clenched in his hair. He kissed the line of her jaw and down her throat, his tongue briefly flicking the scar left by Noah’s knife.

“Dan!” Anna said again, this time in a husky kind of moan. “Dan, the timer alarm!”

Sure enough, when Dan regained control of himself enough to wrench his lips away from Anna’s skin, the timer alarm on his phone was going off. He stopped it, and turned to Anna, who was smoothing her dress back down her thighs. He reached for her, but she caught his hand, pressing a kiss to the tip of his index finger.

“If we don’t go the gang might bust in here…but TBC?” she said, breathless.

Dan dragged her in by the hands, pressing one last searing kiss to her mouth. “Let me walk you home tonight.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” Anna said, leading him out of the closet.

Though Connor stared at them hard on their return to the group, as if trying to figure out what had happened, most of their other friends were distracted by Andy’s attempts to start the fire in the pit. It was a cool night, but not freezing, so it certainly was not imperative that a fire be lit and it seemed more like Andy’s struggles were too entertaining for anyone to want to intervene.

Dan resumed his place in the circle, stretching out again and trying to look more casual and less like his heart was still racing and his mind was lost in the darkness of the cupboard and the feeling of Anna’s skin, and a kiss that had been a thousand times better than anything he could have imagined. Anna sat down beside him, her cheeks prettily flushed, and he reached out without thinking and gently tucked a stray lock of her black hair behind her ear. When he looked up, he realised Ava was staring at them, her mouth even but her eyes betraying a smile.

Anna’s phone began to ring - Perfect Strangers by Deep Purple - and she looked at the screen. “Oh, it’s my parents, they’ll be at the airport. I’ll be right back.” She moved away to take the call and Ava pounced, jumping up and grabbing Dan’s arm, tugging him to his feet.

“Let’s get a drink,” she said, smirking.

Dan allowed himself to be dragged into the kitchen, and as Ava mixed them a wicked looking combination of whiskey and liqueurs, she scrutinised him. “So?” she prompted, when he volunteered nothing.  

“So what?”

“Did you make a move?” Ava narrowed her eyes at him, annoyed at having to prise out the information.

“You’re very gossipy for someone who doesn’t conform to societal standards,” Dan teased. He leaned his elbows against the bench, not breaking eye contact with Ava, who was either trying to stare him down until he broke or put some kind of psychic witchy spell on him.

“Pierce,” Ava snapped, “I will kick your ass, don’t think I won’t.”

“Oh I know you will,” Dan laughed. “I kissed her, alright.”

“Yes!” Ava shouted, slamming a triumphant fist on the counter and making several nearby classmates jump and look around curiously. “And?”

“And that’s all I’m really willing to tell you, nosy,” Dan said firmly.

“Oh boo, you whore,” Ava said petulantly. She crossed her arms after passing Dan his finished drink, which he strongly suspected would absolutely knock him on his ass.

“Who would have thought you’d be our number one shipper?” He needled, reaching over to pinch Ava’s cheek. She hissed and slapped his hand away.

“Silence, heathen, I’m upset with you.”

“Ava, come on,” Dan pressed. “I’m grateful, okay?”

Her expression softened for a micro-second. “You’re welcome, jerk, you never would have had the balls without me, you just would have kept making lame heart eyes at her behind her back.”

“You’re probably not wrong,” Dan said, grinning cheekily.

Their conversation stopped as the rest of the group, Anna included, came to find them. As the night wore on and the party wound down, people slowly trickled out of the Green’s home, until only the usual crew, plus Tom, Connor and Savannah were left. They laid around the deck together; Lucas and Stacy on deck chairs, Lily, Shannon, Tom and Andy in a little circle on the floor, knee to knee, Connor and Ava mixing drinks for everyone on the outdoor dining table, and Dan and Anna on the grass near the deck. They lay with their heads close, Anna’s inky hair mingling with Dan’s soft brown, her bare shoulder touching his. An endless blanket of stars filled the inky sky, and Dan couldn’t remember the last time he saw a night so clear. Down by his side, his littlest finger touched Anna’s, and he tilted his head to look at her. She was talking about her parents trip in soft, husky tones, and when she felt him staring, she met his gaze. There may have a been a million and one stars out that night, but there were no brighter diamonds in the sky, than those embedded in the endless blue of Anna’s eyes.

Dan’s chest seized momentarily with the need to touch her, to feel her lips on his again, to give her everything, they way she’d given everything to all of them. But this time, he wanted all of her just for him. Dan was hyper aware of her body; although they were touching by the tiniest surface areas, it was as intense as electricity arcing between them. When their eyes met again, Anna was still looking at him. Her expression was indescribable, but Dan thought maybe she was looking at him like he was important.

Anna took a breath and opened her mouth, as if to say something, but stopped and a light flush spread across her cheekbones. Dan propped himself up on one elbow and looked at her.

“What?” he asked. She shrugged and looked away, biting her lower lip as she looked at the sky. “Anna…” Dan cajoled her, trailing his index finger up the inside of her arm, where the skin was soft and sensitive. She shivered.

“Do you…want to go?” she asked, pausing for breath as though it was taking her courage to get the words out. Dan’s heart fluttered.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

They said their goodbyes and Dan walked Anna home, grinning like an idiot the whole way. “What are you smiling at?” Anna asked curiously, looking at Dan like he might be a bit mad.

Dan shrugged. “Just happy.” He caught Anna’s hand and threaded their fingers together, swinging them lightly. “Is this okay?”

Anna nodded and Dan thought he spotted the corner of her mouth turning up, but her hair swung forward to conceal it before he knew for sure. At her door, he hung back, leaning against the wall while she unlocked. She opened the door and turned, and Dan smiled softly.

“Well…goodnight,” he said, wanting more than anything for it not to be goodnight. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew if he started, there’d be no stopping. He began to turn, and then he heard it; soft, barely more than a whisper; “Stay.”

He turned back to Anna, and stepped forward. He reached out and put his hand on her cheek. “Are you sure?”

Anna nodded, leaning in to his touch. “I don’t want to pretend anymore.” She stepped back, taking him with her as she did. A hand slipped over the waistband of his jeans, onto the small of his back, and Dan kicked the door shut behind them.

“Pretend what?” Dan murmured, tilting Anna’s head back and dragging his mouth down her jaw.

“That I…that I don’t…lo-”

Dan pushed her against the door and locked it, and they kissed fiercely. Every nerve ending he had was on fire - there was no version of the world in which he was close enough to her or touching her enough. His feelings were real, and he wanted to dive first in and feel her on his skin.

“You don’t what?”

“Dan.” Anna’s voice was firm; she used two hands in his hair to wrench his head back and break the kiss. Dan kind of liked the feeling. “I want you. Is this what you want - am I what you want?” There was a gleam of vulnerability in Anna’s eyes - Dan couldn’t really believe it. Not only was she telling him she liked him, but she wanted him, and she was nervous that he’d reject her. He looked down her body, then back up to blue eyes that belied the most beautiful heart and soul Dan had ever encountered - more beautiful than any external appearance.

“You’re all I want,” he breathed, reaching down her thighs and hoisting her up. She hooked her legs behind his hips, leaving her fingers buried in his hair. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

No one had ever made Dan feel the things he felt when he kissed Anna; the feelings of his nerves exploding and his skin melting and his lungs burning, all with pleasure and desire. If he was the constellation, then the two of them together were supernovas meeting. He had to breathe but he didn’t want to; he pulled away barely an inch to suck in a ragged gasp. Anna’s head fell back, exposing her white throat to him. Dan buried his hand in her hair, tightening his grip to keep her still while he kissed his way down her neck and dragged his teeth across the ridge of her clavicle. His other hand was between them, on the skin of her inner thigh but searching ever higher - she hadn’t stopped him, and he’d thought of nothing more than his need and his hunger for her since they’d first kissed.

Dan lifted Anna away from the door and they stumbled their way upstairs to her room. Within seconds of the door shutting, Anna had shrugged him out of his light blue button down, and dragged his white undershirt off. She dragged him back and they tumbled onto the bed in a mix of limbs and fingertips and sliding lips. Dan’s weight pressed her down from above, and he moved his kisses down her neck and the soft swell of her breasts, until he ran into the barrier of her dress neckline. He paused, lifting his head up to look at her questioningly. She nodded breathlessly and sat up, and Dan pushed the hem of her dress up her thighs, leaving trails of kisses and feather touches on the skin in the wake of his movement. Anna raised her arms and he pulled the dress up and off her, her dark hair tumbling back down over her chest when her head emerged from the garment. Dan sat back a little, staring at Anna in unveiled wonder, and she cast her eyes down shyly, her lashes like black ink strokes against her cheeks.

“What?” she asked.

Dan just shook his head, his Adam’s apple bobbing - he didn’t seem to be able to form words. Anna looked down at herself, bare but for her undergarments - lacy and black, a matching set - and then back up at Dan.

“Am I not-”

“Shut up,” Dan said, shaking his head vehemently. He put his hands on her face, almost reverently, and crashed his lips to hers. “You’re perfect,” he whispered against her mouth.

Every sense Dan had was drinking her in as they kissed; the scent of her, the feel of her skin under his hands as they ran over her chest, cupping, eliciting gasps from her, the sound of his own heavy breathing in response to her mewls. She arched up against him and he rolled his hips downwards, wanting to get closer and moaning as their hips made contact, evidence of his desire flush against her.

Anna pushed blindly at the waistband of Dan’s jeans as they kissed; eventually he momentarily clambered off her to kick them off. When he turned back to her, Anna reached up to unsnap her bra, but Dan pounced on her, pinning her arms.

“Let me,” he said, with a cheeky grin. They divested each other of the remnants of undergarments, and then there was nothing but bare skin between them. Dan reached out, softly stroking across her cheekbone and down her neck. Anna was bolder, possibly still thanks to Ava’s drinks from earlier - or maybe she was just drunk on Dan - and she reached out to close her hand around him, drawing from him the most dark and desirous kind of moan.

Dan kept his eye contact with Anna, watching her pupils dilating, as he slid one of his hands down to touch her. Anna’s concentration was better than his; his shoulders began to shudder uncontrollably and he caught her wrist, stopping her. Before Anna could say anything, he kissed her harder and deeper than he’d ever kissed anyone before and then he was touching her again.

“Anna,” Dan murmured, not taking his lips away from hers.

“S-stop,” she managed to gasp, her whole body shaking.

Dan froze instantly, meeting her gaze, full of concern all of a sudden - concern that he’d done something wrong, that she didn’t like his touch, that she’d changed her mind completely. She reached up, touching his face and tangling her fingers in his hair to reassure him.

“I want it all Dan, I need-”

But he didn’t let her finish that sentence, moving to kiss her, and then trailing his mouth lower, over her chest, down the valley between the two halves of her rib cage and then further. Anna inhaled sharply and parted her knees for him. Dan squeezed her thighs with gentle, firm pressure as he worked his tongue on her, his heart turning over and his body throbbing when he heard her moan. She tried to stifle the end of the sound, and Dan jerked his head up to look at her.

“Don’t,” he said raggedly. “I want to hear you.”

Anna’s cheeks flushed and he throbbed with need for her. Dan lifted himself back up to kiss her and he bore down, rolling his hips and creating a soft friction that wasn’t enough for either of them. Anna pulled at him, her fingers insistent against his back, his hips, his hair, everything, and Dan pulled one of Anna’s leg up and hooked her knee over his hip so that he could finally, finally, slide his hips forward until there was no space at all between them anymore.

Dan stayed completely still for a long moment, his forehead resting against Anna’s collarbone as he sucked in heavy breaths. Being inside her felt better than he could ever imagine, and not just physically. His heart was exploding; he felt…whole.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, lifting his head to look her in the eye. Anna’s pupils were blown wide, just rings of blue around fathoms of black, and her lips were parted, wet and wanting.

Anna just nodded; when she tried to speak, all that came out was something that sounded suspiciously like ‘fuck’. Slowly, Dan started to move, not breaking his eye contact, and they both moaned. It had never ever been like this before; Dan choked on his own breath at the feeling of white hot pleasure spiralling inside him, coiling tighter and tighter. Anna gasped his name into his neck, and Dan nearly came apart at the mere sound of his name being said like that. He kissed her over and over, and then Anna tensed unexpectedly, her back arching up towards him, mouth opening in a last silent prayer, and Dan could hold on no longer. The world around them seemed to shatter like a pane of glass and he could hear nothing but white noise for a few seconds.

After, they lay together, in the muted blue glow of the TV as The Inbetweeners played through Netflix. Dan trailed his fingertips in lazy circles over a patch of skin near Anna’s hip, smiling every time he hit the sensitive spot that made her abs contract sharply.

“You’re pretty cute when you’re jealous, you know,” Anna piped up suddenly, shooting Dan a cheeky smile.

“I’m never jealous,” Dan said blithely.

“So that little show with Rob from Chemistry was just you waiting for a mate after class?” she teased. Dan trailed his hand up, walking his fingertips over her bare chest and drawing goosebumps to her skin.

“Just because I’m in love with you, doesn’t mean I’m not a bit of an idiot,” Dan said matter-of-factly. He looked her in the eye, challenging. “You got an issue with that?” He tried to stay cool as he watched her, but acidic anxiety was rising like bile in his throat, the kind that had been present like a shadow in his lungs since their first encounter with Redfield. “I can’t be just your friend anymore,” he added, earnestly. 

Anna just smiled softly and touched a finger to Dan’s lips, stilling him. Her other hand found his, and applied pressure, the way she always did when he got himself worked up. “I love you too, Pierce. Let’s see what this is.”

[smoakmonster]

C is for Complications

Prompt: Sent to the Wrong Printer A/N: I originally aimed for this to be funny, but the muse had other ideas. Set in between 2x06 and 2x07. Enjoy! Word Count: 2.7k Tagging: @thebookjumper, @olicityhiatusficathon, @scu11y22, @mel-loves-all, @dust2dust34,  @releaseurinhibitions Also available: on AO3.

xxx

I love you.

The words had been rattling around inside her all morning, really ever since they had gotten back from Russia, ever since she’d told him. You deserve better than her. You deserve better. You deserve...to be with me?

Felicity shook her head, as she attempted to focus on the swarm of emails currently cluttering her inbox.

Mr. Queen needs to read the updated proposal. I have attached a copy to this email...

Since Mr. Queen could not be bothered to attend our last three meetings...

Please inform Mr. Queen that as CEO he is responsible for…

Felicity puffed out her cheeks in attempt to relax herself, as she swiftly typed a response to all the emails labeled “URGENT.” And she’d thought hacking into the FBI had been stressful.

She did glean a small amount of pride, though, in being the sort of gatekeeper to the CEO. She was protecting him, just like she protected him every night that he was on the streets, sending warnings about what lay ahead, deterring unwelcome complications, like street cameras recording him taking his hood off in a well-lit alley or the timestamp similarities between Oliver Queen leaving a scene and The Arrow arriving.

If only she could deter other, emotional complications so easily.

As degrading as it still was, playing secretary by day, never before had she been so grateful for boring office work as she was today. Answering trivial complaints and scheduling an unnecessary amount of meetings that Oliver was “required” to attend kept her busy, kept her mind distracted from the way her heart pinched strangely every time she paused long enough to remember standing outside Oliver’s hotel room...and watching Isabel Rochev saunter out of it.

Felicity wasn’t blind. She knew Oliver’s reputation. She’d seen it firsthand with Helena and Laurel and...and now with Isabel.

But that was before. Before she started working with him. Before he became her friend. Before he became...something more.

When exactly had she let herself care about Oliver Queen so much? When had he become so important?

And yet, somehow, she was pretty sure she’d known for a long time that what she felt for Oliver was too much, so far beyond too much. And that weird, nervous thrill that fluttered inside her chest whenever she remained in Oliver’s presence was specific to Oliver himself. He’d tried all his usual playboy antics on her at the beginning; and even though she’d seen right through them, they’d still sort of...worked?

Because the man she’d gotten to know over the past year was different than anyone she’d ever met. He was better than he pretended to be. He was real. There was so much depth and goodness and honor in his soul that he kept hidden from the world, from his family...even from himself.

And she didn’t understand why.

Oliver Queen was the biggest mystery of her life, and she both loved and hated him for it.

Love.

Oh, that dreaded word again.

Did she really...love him though? She couldn’t afford to. After all, he’d said so himself, caring about someone given what they do every night...it could only bring more pain. She’d already lost so much, her father and Cooper and now….

Felicity swallowed.

Now it was too late.

She cared about him too much to let go now.

That was why she’d stayed, even after they’d found Walter, wasn’t it? The mission was important, but so was he. He was important, but so was the mission. Over and over, every night, she wrestled with her priorities, with his stubborn and reckless behavior, with her inapt and unreturned feelings for him. Sometimes, it was like her mind and heart were at war with one another, like she was the one living a double life. And yet other times, when he’d pause and rest his hand on her shoulder like that, so gently and still so surely, and he’d look at her with such a softness, like his eyes were calling out to her to save him from...something. Himself? She wanted to know the secrets he only told her in stares.

His gaze often left her jarred...and left her craving more.

Her shoulder always felt so cold when he finally had to pull his hand away.

Since the day she’d found him bleeding in the backseat of her car, Felicity knew that what she felt for Oliver Queen--what she continued to torture herself by feeling for him--went so far beyond admiration or friendship.

Oliver was never just the cute, rich castaway who pestered her occasionally with petty, life-changing requests and lied to her face with a charming smile plastered to his own. Somewhere along the way, she’d started needing him, too.

I love you.

Those words rushed through her when The Glades came crumbling down around them.

I love you.

Those words ricocheted inside her chest as Oliver’s warm body smacked against hers, pressing her deeper into the Lian Yu grass, after so many months of not seeing him, of not knowing if he was okay.

I love you.

Those words gutted her to the core as she turned and walked away from him at a hotel in Russia, bitterly muttering “even when it makes no sense whatsoever.”

It still didn’t make sense. And she was still bitter.

And she still loved him.

There. She’d finally indulged herself in not only thinking the words but in allowing herself to linger in them, to let them fill her, to let them hurt her.

Since last year, Felicity had been trying to avoid, deny, or explain away her feelings for Oliver. And now, finally putting a name to it was alarming and yet...soothing in a way she couldn’t explain. It was terrifying and freeing. It was exhilarating and exhausting.

Because he would never feel the same way.

Too bad she couldn’t just write a code to undo everything.

Like getting zapped with a spark of electricity, an idea suddenly came to Felicity. And since she was indulging her thoughts...she might as well go all in.

Pulling up a new blank document, Felicity stared at the empty white page, watching the vertical cursor blink at her over and over, nagging her, taunting her.

Finally, she gave in.

She had to do it. Just once. Just to tell someone, even if that someone was her computer.

Before she could stop herself, Felicity hit eleven keys, typing out three words.

I love him.

There. That wasn’t so hard.

Felicity jumped when the phone at her desk suddenly rang, and she answered it promptly. While speaking with the head of HR department, Felicity quickly minimized the document on her screen and ignored it for the rest of the morning.

Shortly after lunch, while Oliver was still out of the office with Thea visiting his mother, Felicity dared to open up that document once again and stare at those three aching words.

It wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t personal enough.

Felicity hit the backspace key three times and tried again.

I love you.

Gnawing on the inside of her cheek, still unsatisfied, Felicity typed out the final five and most important letters, the letters that, for better or worse, remained etched on her heart.

Oliver.

With a little nod to herself for a job well done, Felicity hit “print” and started making her way over to the sleek and overpriced printer in the corner--

“Felicity!”

She froze at the sound of his voice. Feeling guilty and caught off guard and flustered beyond measure, Felicity took a moment to try to compose herself before turning around and staring the source of her current emotional dilemma right in the face.

“What!” Her voice sounded more like cry for help than a question, so she tried again, clearing her throat. “What?”

Oliver frowned, clearly picking up that something was not quite right with her today. He didn’t know, right? He couldn’t know. How could he know?

Ridiculous man, why did he always have be so observant at the worst times?

“Meeting. Conference room.”

Right.

She sighed once with relief as she followed him directly into the conference, like the obedient assistant that she was.

Well, if Oliver remembering a meeting time on his own didn’t show her how off her game she was today, then she didn’t know what would. Thankfully, he was too busy to ask what was actually bothering her. Still, Felicity’s heart decided to badger her for the next two hours. She could barely pay attention to her notes in the beginning. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. She chanted the words like a mantra, keeping rhythm with her pen tapping against her notepad.

But by the time their meeting ended, it was nearly sunset, and the first wave of crime in the city had already begun. Felicity never made it back to check her printer until the next day, and by then The Count had broken out of prison.

xxx

“Oliver, what are we doing here?”

“I just need to grab something.”

Oliver led Felicity through the long aisles of the evidence warehouse, stacked to the brim with boxes and old files. He’d been here before, though under less pleasant circumstances.  

“Are you sure we’re even allowed to be in here?” Felicity whispered. “I mean, as us...not, you know, the other us.”

“Well, Lance was able to pull few strings and said that it would be alright,” said Oliver. “We just can’t touch anything other than what I came here for.”

Felicity stopped in her tracks and pouted her lips in that adorably alluring way of hers. “I think you might be abusing your power there, Mr. Mayor.”

“Promise not to tell my secret?” He winked at her, taking a moment to run his thumb once more over the new ring on her finger, nestled against the one with the diamond. He still hadn’t gotten used to that cool, smooth, perfect texture against her skin. He doubted he ever would get used to it...to them.

“Only if you promise to finally clue me in on why we’re hanging out in a dusty evidence warehouse in the first place. Not that I don’t appreciate the lighting aesthetic, but I think if we stay here too long my allergies are going to start flaring up.”

“Well, I can’t tell you. I have to show you.”

Oliver smiled as he pulled her along a little further, down a few more rows, following the path Lance had instructed, until finally they came to the item he’d been seeking. He could tell when she spotted it, because she let out a small “oh” at the sight.

His old trunk.

Releasing her hand, Oliver quickly worked to undo the lock and lifted the lid. His hand stumbled against various items inside until it finally rested on another small box tucked into the corner of the trunk, exactly where he’d left it years ago.

As he pulled out the small box, Felicity gave him a skeptical look. “Please don’t tell me we came here just so you can grab some magical island herbs.”

He chuckled, opening the little container and finding a folded piece of paper inside.  

She frowned in amusement as she watched him begin unfolding the paper before her eyes.

“A secret message from your family?”

“Something like that,” he answered.

Taking a deep breath and keeping his gaze fixed on her, Oliver slowly turned the paper around and waited...waited until Felicity spotted the familiar words on the page.

I love you, Oliver.

She stilled when she saw them.

“You know what this is.” It wasn’t a question.

“Where did you…? Oliver, I can explain--” She reached to snatch the paper from his grasp, but he quickly moved it out of her reach and patiently folded the note back up like it was the most precious thing to him--and in some, small way it was--before safely tucking the note into his shirt pocket.

“I don't want you to explain.”

Felicity licked her lips, seemingly flustered in a way he hadn’t seen her in a long time, as though this was four years ago and they weren’t married and he hadn’t told her he loved her yet.

“I-I don’t understand. How did you get that?”

“I um…” Now came the tricky part. He needed her to know why he brought her here tonight, why this one piece of paper had been a lifeline for him in the midst of chaos and darkness and...having to walk away from this woman standing before him so many times.

“I found this in the printer in my office, the night The Count almost…” he paused, swallowing heavily, avoiding her eyes. “The night I killed him.” The night I almost lost you.

“Wait, you said you found it in your printer?”

That was not what he was expecting.

Oliver looked up, frowning, confused by her tone.

“All these years, and I sent it to the wrong printer? Granted, I hadn’t exactly been thinking straight at the time, but still. How could you find this and not tell me? Why not just throw it away and put me out of her misery and...ugh, this is embarrassing--”

“What? Why?” He rushed close to her, his hands coming up on their own accord to grab her upper arms near her shoulders, his thumbs running in circles to try to soothe her.

She visibly relaxed under his touch. “I just…I never meant for you to see that. It was supposed to be for me, for my eyes only. It was just something I did to…”

“To what?” he asked.

“To try to let you go. Because I had all these inappropriate feelings--not inappropriate inappropriate, just feelings about my boss that were not returned--”

“That you knew of. That either of us knew of.” Oliver sighed, drawing warmth from her presence as he so often did, drawing strength from the familiar trust he saw plainly on her face. “I suspected that the note was from you, but after just telling you I couldn't be with someone that I could really care about, I just...I didn't know how to tell you I'd found it. And then The Count tried to hurt you, and then Barry Allen showed up and you went away and things got…”

“Complicated?”

“Yeah.”

Felicity offered him a tender smile. “Welcome to my world.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to know or not. And for a while, I didn't...I didn't want it to be you. Every instinct inside me told me not to let you in...not to let myself care about you. Everything I learned on the island, that you can’t trust anyone but yourself, that caring about people gets them killed.... Russia showed me that. The Count showed me that. Slade showed me that.”

“But you still kept it?” she asked softly.

Oliver shook his head, barely understanding why he did it himself. “I guess there was a part of me...a bigger part than I wanted to admit...that wanted this, wanted to be with you, even if I thought that could never happen.”

“Oliver…” Felicity breathed, reaching up to caress his cheek and hold his head in place, keeping him grounded, keeping him whole.

“I just wanted you to know that I knew. And I’m sorry I wasn’t ready...before.”

“Oliver, it’s okay. That’s all in the past. And we made it here, didn’t we?”

He sighed a laugh. “Yeah, I guess we did.”

“And I’m sorry, too.”

Oliver started. “For what?”

“For writing you basically the shortest love letter that ever existed.”

He laughed, his chest feeling suddenly lighter and fuller, as only Felicity could ever seem to bring him. And as he leaned down, she met him halfway, and he kissed his wife deeply, right there in the middle of the abandoned corner of the evidence warehouse, the note that she’d written him ages ago pressed between them, right against his heart, where it belonged.

When they finally broke apart for air, Felicity was smiling as she wrapped both her arms around one of his. But when he started moving, she paused. “You’re just gonna leave it?” She nodded to the trunk.

With one final glance at his past, Oliver nodded firmly, sure of his chosen future, sure of one half of his life standing beside him and the other half hopefully sound asleep by now back home.

“I don’t need it anymore,” he replied. “I have you.”

[blackwaterhq]

Name: Eugene Farley Age: Twenty Pronouns: He/Him Species: Empath Faceclaim: tbd.

Prologue

There’s not much about your early life that isn’t known by most in Blackwater. There’s two reasons for this but the most important one is that your mother would become the Mayor of Blackwater. You are already known when you walk into a room without having to say anything but even before your mother sought out her political career, there was the other reason. Your mother was always an ambitious woman who knew what she wanted and she could not be deterred from that path, something that you didn’t necessarily ruin but that caused quite a hitch in her plans. While simply trying to lay the foundations to bigger plan, you appeared in her life at the age of seventeen. The result of one foolhardy night. 

The town of Blackwater didn’t react to her teen pregnancy with scorn or shunning her. In fact, they actually supported the young girl in what was a tumultuous and difficult time. Your mother never once had to worry that either of you would be judged -- except for one small matter. Your father was out of the picture the moment he knew about the pregnancy, gone just as quickly as a brief breeze during a summer’s day. Many people regarded this as a good thing, your mother included, as it meant he wouldn’t be there when he didn’t want to be, fulfilling a role he wasn’t prepared for and would, no doubt, fail at. But you were different in that regard and as you grew you, always did wonder why he never wanted you.

That, however, was always pushed aside, down and away, as you just wanted to see your mother smile. You can’t explain what it was, then and now, but whenever you brought your father up -- or anything negative, for that matter -- it was always followed by that noise, the low humming that only you could hear. It’d be a long time before you could ever put a name to it but it became a staple of your life, one that would never be pried loose.

Chapter I

Growing up, people regard you as quite a nosy child, the one who was always in people’s business, even if you didn’t know them. You ask your friends why they’re happy before they tell you that they are, you always try to cheer them up before they cry, things that, sometimes, they didn’t realise they were feeling before. Your teachers merely state that you’re intuitive and kind-hearted but there’s more to it than that, your mother and grandmother know, but they never explain it to you. And, to be fair, you’ve never asked. You were too young for that and if it makes you a good person, then why change it? Some people don’t like the weird child who would come up and asks why they’re sad or why they’re happy, but it’s written off as another oddity of Blackwater, just one in the many. Soon, you learn that you’re not the only person who’s good with other people’s emotions. You never ask what that means, it doesn’t occur to you that it means something until there’s no one around to ask.

You are six years old when you find yourself in the forest with five other children. None of you know what’s happening as days pass, one blurring into two until it’s been seven days and the entire time, you are bombarded with the noise of the other children. They are a pool of fear and confusion but you’ve only just learned how to swim and it’s too much for you. It leaves you shaken, leaves you scared of what too much would feel like again and you are all too happy to be returned to the safety of your mother’s arms, of that lonely big house you live in. It is here where your mother will sob with relief in privacy, where you will try to recapture the same low humming.

But it is too late, the Pandora’s box has been opened and you will never know a quiet like the one you had had before.

Chapter II

Growing up, you find that you can pinpoint the same pain in yourself as felt by the other six children. It’s an odd phenomena, one you haven’t felt before, and while you do feel a kinship to the others, you know you can’t approach them. It was them who left you displaced, feeling like you could never hear the peace again. Along with this, your mother begins her campaign to become mayor and you know she needs you to help keep her grounded. Though you do wish you could talk to the others, you find that you grow apart from them nonetheless. You don’t want to say it is voluntary but that means denying the peace you feel when you’re away from them. You hate to drop the people you care about most, besides your own family, but you need to focus on your own noise at times.

High school was full of torment for you, a place full of people you didn’t want to know, who always shared too much with you without ever speaking. You found yourself becoming more and more comfortable with being on your own then, pushing away people and refusing to become friendly with those who were in your same social circle. Many people chalked it up to you being an introvert or simply just quiet, that you were more interested in your own hobbies than being part of a social group or school clubs. You were all too happy to let them think this about you if it meant that you didn’t have to talk to them.

Your teachers thought nothing of it too, with your good grades -- some of the best in the class -- they didn’t think it right to disturb whatever routine you had going. Truthfully, you liked being alone because it meant no one asked you questions. You were all too aware that people liked to ask you questions, whether it be about your mother or your past. The former simply made you roll your eyes but the latter has always intrigued you. Though you have tried to accept the simplest answer for what happened, there’s something you can’t shake about that week all those years ago. You don’t want to think that there’s more to it than just being a terrible crime to commit but you know Blackwater is a weird place, where weird things happen, but you have yet to find a connection and you worry you might never find one.

Epilogue

Finding comfort in being alone, you managed to map out your own future the same way your mother had when she had been a similar age. You don’t see your mother’s past as a bad thing but you didn’t want to make a mistake that would keep you from reaching your goals. So, you worked hard at school and kept yourself out of trouble, all with the goal of getting into your college of choice. All so that you could escape from Blackwater.

Unlike the other kids in your peer group, you didn’t have to worry about a scholarship -- coming from a wealthy family had those kinds of perks. Your mother’s pride was something you felt for days and weeks after, right up until you moved away from Blackwater. Leaving felt like a betrayal for more reasons than you want to dwell on. People left Blackwater all of the time, why should you feel bad about it?

College provided a different atmosphere for you and although you’re afraid to admit it, but it feels like you’re drowning. You miss the comfort and safety of home, of Blackwater. You miss being able to rely on the odd events that occur and feeling a sense of pride in the oddity that is your little town. Even as you find yourself opening yourself up, gaining friends and a boyfriend at college, you can’t help but feel the urge to go back. It is too loud there and you were just getting used to the noise of Blackwater.

Looking for any excuse to go home, the letter provided you with one. Even if the instructions told you to stay where you were, you refused to. A few days later, you got an even bigger reason to come home -- the funeral for your first grade teacher, an event you felt like you had to attend. You’re eager to go home, even if the situation isn’t the best to return home to, and you can’t wait to see your mother again, but you fear that once you’ve gotten settled back in at Blackwater, you might not want to leave again.

Appendices

Oliver   ⇴ You hate to use the word complicated to describe anything but your relationship with Oliver is complicated. He was once your best friend, the only person in the world you felt safe around, but as you got older, you began to feel different towards him, something you didn’t understand stand until too late. Developing feelings for him was never on purpose and it was partly why you pushed him away, something he didn’t exactly fight either. More over, you just couldn’t handle how overwhelming his noise was. With so much confusion and anger clouding everything, you found it easier to fight with him that admit your feelings. Though you are far too stubborn to admit that you miss him now that he’s no longer back in your life, you know that going home will be an opportunity to reunite, to hopefully become friends again -- you might just be able to forgive him for not fighting for you. And yet, even as you tell yourself that you’ve moved on, there’s a small, hopelessly romantic part of you that can’t wait to see him again.

Riley  ⇴ Of the five other children, she is the one you bonded most with. She was just as eccentric as you, if not more, and you were glad to have her in your life. Weirdly enough, she’s one of the people you don’t feel the noise around and in talking about it, you’ve found out that she has experienced the same phenomena as you. Neither of you really knew what it meant or what it was for, but the relief of having someone who could not only understand but help with it drowned that out. Although you moved away from Blackwater for college, you kept in contact with her. A hard feat given that you both had busy lives, and there are times that you wished you’d tried harder, but returning homes means that you’ll be able to make up for that. You’re just eager to be around someone who will finally understand your feelings.

Layla  ⇴ You don’t really like Layla and it comes down to the fact that she’s always prying into everyone’s business. You think it best to try and leave the others to their own devices but she won’t let it go. There are times when the two of you will get into verbal spats so insulting that you wouldn’t talk again for what seems like months. You think that, maybe, you’re projecting your own emotions onto her and you might just be a little annoyed that she’s actively trying to find answers while you don’t, but you’re too stubborn to admit that. Now that you will be colliding again, you wonder if you will be able to let go of these reservations or if you will return to your own ways. As draining as it is, you almost welcome something familiar but more so, you hope that you might be able to form a friendship with her that isn’t based on tension and hostility.

[geneshaven]

“Can I See Him?”

I wanted to take a closer look at that scene in the hospital at the end of 520. The emotions between Oliver and Felicity that have been languishing in the background for so long really came out in this scene.  

When I initially wrote about it on Thursday, I was quick to jump on the Felicity bandwagon, feeling a little let down when she apologized to Oliver for…well, for feeling that she abandoned him and their relationship by walking away. The argument that Oliver did the same thing by lying about William is a valid one. He fucked up; he knows it and he paid the ultimate price---losing Felicity and William in one stroke.

When Lyla told Felicity that Oliver was asking for her, there was no hesitation. She went to him and there was purpose in her steps as she made a beeline to his room. When she opened the door and saw him on the bed alive and waiting for her, Felicity’s smile was one of relief---and quite possibly, one of happiness too. Oliver looked happy that she was walking again. She voiced her fear by saying everyone had a scare over his injuries. She also implied that him still living was more important than her being able to walk again. She came up next to the bed and Oliver tried to humor her by saying she should be used to him being near death. Felicity wasn’t laughing. She told Oliver she would never get used to it. Ever.

Then she took Oliver’s hand.

That casual, familiar and comforting touch reminded me (and maybe them as well) how natural they are when they touch each other. It was a small intimacy, one they had denied themselves for far too long. Then Oliver brought up his confession to her. He might have still been feeling a little apprehension by it, but he wanted to let her know that her response to it was appreciated. She didn’t react with horror or a need to get away from him. After telling her his deepest fear, Felicity did like she has always done whenever he loses himself in his darkness----she reassures Oliver by reminding him she still believes in him. When she told him she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him or want to marry him if he wasn’t the kind of man she knew he was---my shipper heart was ready to burst out of my chest. Oliver always thought that if she knew the truth about him, If she ever caught one glimpse of the monster inside him---she would not love him anymore.

But there she was with him in that hospital room holding his hand. Because in spite of what they had gone through since the breakup, all the distance and anger and sadness and lack of communication---she still believed in him. She still believed in them. When he spoke of his appreciation, Felicity asked him if any of what she said to him in the Bunker stuck.

Oliver said he was hoping it did. Maybe there was a part of him still thinking about that conversation they had the morning after their sexual encounter last summer in the Bunker. She told him she wasn’t ready yet to have “the talk” with him, (the sex they had looked like she was.) About the sex---it wasn’t what reawakened their need for each other. It was an emotional and spiritual connection that only death can break. It is a natural attraction that is never going away. Okay, maybe the wine helped a little bit. Felicity was the one who initiated it because Oliver wouldn’t make that move on her. He still respected her need for space and intended to keep his distance. Flirting and heart eyes were okay, but touching her, kissing her, making love to her---that was no longer left between them.

When Felicity acknowledged to him that it had been wrong to walk away and that she was sorry, Oliver didn’t know what to say. Was he thinking that she didn’t have to apologize, that he is the one who lied to her? Would she understand if he told her he was being devoured by the monster? Does he ever think about that early conversation with John after Felicity joined the team? He would protect her and ensure her safety. She would never get hurt. Maybe that is why he didn’t say anything to her that day in the loft, didn’t go after her. Not only did he betray her, he betrayed himself.

Which brings me to Felicity’s second apology.

           Felicity: “I’m sorry.”

           Oliver: “For what?”

           Felicity: “For being a hypocrite.”

I think she was acknowledging her dark spiral and how she saw herself becoming like him. I am still hard pressed in believing that it was solely Billy who pushed her down the rabbit hole. Helix, her unwavering need for revenge against Chase, the lengths she was willing to go and the sacrifices she was willing to make---all of it was a macrocosm of everything Oliver had gone through over the past ten years. She told him her experiences gave her a tiny taste of what he went through.

Billy is dead. Susan is out of the picture. So is Helix (for now.) All of this was in the Bunker with them. But there was something else happening between Oliver and Felicity down there in the dark; they put aside their differences and worked together to survive. There was the subtext of the episode---trust. Not only in overcoming the physical and tactical obstructions in their way, but also looking for common ground they both could stand on with it’s time to be in each other’s lives again.

There was no ‘I miss you’ or ‘I need you’ declarations spoken. But there really was. It was through the actions they took in helping each other. It was Felicity still pointing out that Oliver needed to listen to her. It was her patching him up when there would have been no need if he had listened. It was Oliver willing to try her suggestions and plans. It was him literally carrying her on his back. It was both of them understanding they worked better as individuals when the worked together. It was Oliver telling her about his monster and Felicity still accepting him. They had each other’s backs and that is the foundation of their love.

Felicity told Oliver that she gets it now. What is it? Well…it’s Oliver she gets. What they went through together in the Bunker was an obstacle course in making decisions. It was also clear to both of them that those kinds of decisions are not always going to be the right ones. No one is perfect. Oliver made a bad one lying to Felicity about William. Was it enough to kill their realationship? Maybe. Felicity thought it was. She talked about inclusion and trusting your partner when the shit hits the fan. They’ve both trusted each other before over the years. Felicity always knew that some of Oliver’s actions were influenced by his tortured past and how it shaped him into who he was. But he was able to overcome a lot of that trauma and set a heroes example, not just to her but to a whole city. It brought their hearts into alignment.

So I think when he lied about William it wasn’t about not trusting her. It wasn’t about him discounting everything they built together. It wasn’t about protecting anybody. It was about fear. Oliver was afraid that if he brought Felicity into the part of him that felt the need to keep her away from William---he would have to let her all in. He was afraid of the darkness, and if it touched her, he would lose Felicity forever. It was a conundrum that he lost himself in. He thought he was doing the right thing in keeping his son safe, but he had to lie to Felicity to do it.

So maybe Felicity telling him she “gets it” has to do with the decisions she made with Helix, with hooking up with Billy instead of trying to fix her life with Oliver. Maybe it had a lot to do with Havenrock as well. Maybe, that’s why she understands the William lie. Her apology for judging him might not have been warranted, but Felicity, I think, was coming to terms with herself. She was vanquishing her darkness before it could take hold, like it has with Oliver, and not let her go.

But Felicity does know one thing in her that won’t let go---her love for Oliver. He is a part of her. He gives her life purpose, (her words, not mine.) He makes her the best version of herself. When Oliver told her he didn’t know what kind of person he is, she still did. He is not a monster. He is the man she chose to stand by and continues to stand by. If he is broken, she is too. If he makes mistakes, so does she. They’re imperfections and both have them. So when she suggested to Oliver that he should figure out what kind of person he is, I heard the door she closed on him last year swing open. I saw the love for him in her eyes and the smile on her face.

I saw her forgiving him and herself.

So in this context, maybe what happened in that hospital room makes a little more sense to me. Felicity was right. Oliver needs to shake loose from Chase’s influence and find that belief in himself. And now that he knows Felicity will be there waiting for him when he does---he will embrace the hero in his heart.

Oliver and Felicity are still moving on. But now it’s towards each other. They rediscovered their purpose---working together and loving together. It’s comes with all the faults and disagreements and arguing. It’s the thought of losing each other. It’s the darkness and the light. It’s the pain and the tears and the comfort they bring to one another at the end of the day. It’s the life they’ve chosen.

Some have said they should have told each other “I love you” when they were safe in that hospital wrong. They did.

When Felicity opened the door and they saw each other. Perhaps for the first time.

@hope-for-olicity @louiseblue1 @almondblossomme @tdgal1 @dmichellewrites @wherethereissmoak @lovelycssefan @jaspertown @memcjo

[theparaminds]

We all remember moments entwined with difficulty and sadness, moments we stand unsure of our next step and the right choices. Yet, through those times we also remember the music and the art that fills the cracks in our happiness, the art that allowed us to live and breath, even through the confusion. Xavley knows this all too well, he knows what it means to be hurt and healed through art. And now, he is putting his heart towards doing the same for others.

Ever since the release of project ‘oof’, Xavley has finally found himself clearing the daily fog that filled his creative energy, instead producing lush and breathtakingly emotional music that resonates with any soul, whether it be young or old, tired or excited. His combination of genre and connective lyricism guides his music to a plateau of beauty every artist strives towards, yet so few can achieve.

While this last year has been anything short of easy for Xavley, there remains the constant happiness and knowledge that all the hard work is not going to waste, that others are finding it to be the bright spots of their often dreary and disappointing days. And for that reason, Xavley has remained, and will continue to be, the beacon of hope, resilience and artistry for so many in need.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how are you?

Honestly, my day's been rough as fuck. This year's probably been one of the hardest of my young adult life,

but in terms of how it was objectively: it wasn't bad. My day started off good, I woke up on my own terms after a really weird ass dream and then I listened to this album called “Sen Am” by Duval Timothy. Mind if I ask how your day was?

Yeah my days been great! Thank you so much for asking. Would you be cool telling about the dream you had and what’s been going on for you  the last year?

I forget how some of the parts fit together, but as a general overview: my friend’s sister married the prince of England. After that, Usher threw a beach party to celebrate with a bunch of tiny little micro plastic bead things that were supposed to inflate into beach balls when they hit the water, but instead they just absorbed all the heat in the ocean and caught fire. A lot of people got hurt and it caused an environmental crisis. When we caught him (Usher), he broke out into this weird live performance of a very sexual video to evade capture. Then we were at a party where my uncle and his friends were wearing shirts saying “company boss” and “the new guy” while my aunt was giving me life advice. At one point she transformed into a middle aged woman who said something racist when I mentioned going to Ghana.

And to sum the year up super quickly, I had a friend who was doing a bunch of things that made me feel hella uncomfortable while I was living with him, so after trying to ghost him while I was still living there, dumb I know, I ended up having to formally end our friendship. After that, he did his best to make the living situation pretty uncomfortable for everyone living there by giving me the silent treatment and opening up to our other roommates and then the other three people ended up kicking me out. Since then, I've had to couch surf for like a month, they aren't giving me my deposit back, and I've really struggled to get a grip on school stuff

Damn, that’s brutal, have you at least been able to find comfort through music and art  as escapism and a personal release?

I'm not sure. I'd say yes because I do A TON of music stuff when I'm procrastinating on my other responsibilities, like work or school. Music is a relief when I can actually make a good song, but if not, it presents a different kinda stress. The act of finishing a song is pretty relieving, but sometimes making them is also stressful. Listening to good music by other people is a good coping mechanism though some songs help me think back to nice memories, others kinda help me reframe how I'm looking at the situations I find myself in. I guess part of why my day started off so nice was because spotify gave me a good ass discover weekly playlist.

Have you had a good memory from the last difficult year that sticks out to you? Something that distracted from the hardships and down times?

I've had so many good times this year. Yesterday, my friend and I were at the library and this girl working at the desk snorted and that shit was SO FUNNY because she definitely didn't want to snort. We weren't trying to laugh at her because it really could've happened to any of us. I guess it was just a laugh we both needed. Every show I've played has been a blast; I usually really like meeting and interacting with new people and those places have presented some cool opportunities to meet and reconnect with people. One of my closest friends let me stay at her house for a minute while I was tryna get my life together and there were a lot of fun times then. I guess something that distracts me is knowing that I don't know what tomorrow's gonna be like. That's kinda reassuring.

How would you say you’ve found yourself as an artist through this time, wether through soundcloud, live shows or just generally making music? In a sense, how has your musical vision developed?

I'm actually not entirely sure how to answer that one. I guess what comes to mind first is how I've developed as a person. I still really need to work at being more collaborative. Hearing what other people have to say and how they say it in their art has really touched and inspired me to be a better artist. I like to surround myself with people who inspire me to be a better person and to be a better me. I think finding myself as an artist is kind of an everyday thing because who I am as a person and who I am as an artist are one in the same. In my art, I try to say and be some of the things I am and stand for. Sonically, I feel like I could produce about anything, but I'm not really sure why I like making music in the genre that I do. I guess it just feels like it's the most me if that answers the question When I go back and listen to my old stuff I can hear who I was and what I cared about. I like hearing myself mature but I also wish the old stuff was just as good as what I have now. But if it were just as good, then there'd be no point in growth.

Would you personally say you have a certain type of person or listener you hope to resonate with? Possibly someone who may have felt or is going through situations and emotions similar to yours?

Honestly, whenever people reach out to me to tell me how my music has impacted them it's so so incredibly surprising. Maybe it shouldn't be because we're all people and people go through shit, but it is. This one time someone told me that my music helped them stop self harming and I was like, "damn. that's what I needed x amount of years ago". So it's nice to know that my stuff is sometimes able to provide for others what I struggle to provide myself. I guess one thing that's really influenced the progression of my sound is how I grew up around a lot of white people and, up until now, I never really felt "Black enough" or good enough in any regard, so I've always hoped that what I say and how I say it resonates with those who look like and experience the world in a way that might be even the slightest bit similar to the way I do. Of course, I believe that a lot of music is for everyone, and I would definitely encourage anyone to listen to and feel with my music, but I would love for it to resonate with the Black people just trying to do the day-to-day.

Absolutely, that's essential in music. When you personally were becominging interested in music and art, who were the musicians who did the same for you and your emotions?

Oh boy. There’s so so many, the artists that first come to mind are: Isaiah Rashad, Ravyn Lenae, Steve Lacy for sure, MoRuf, Lo-fi Le-vi, Daywave, Lauryn Hill, Noname, Wild nothing, Abra, Thundercat, Willow Smith, Beach fossils, Bibio, Shlomo, King Krule, Yeek, Brent Faiyaz, TORO Y MOI!, Childish Gambino for sure, Redline Graffiti, Princess Nokia, TOM MISCH, Little Dragon, OutKast, Alicia Keys and Michael Jackson.I guess the people I’ve done my best to imitate would be Joji, Ravyn Lenae, Brent Faiyaz, Lauryn Hill, Noname, Chance, Gambino, Earth Wind and Fire and Washed Out. Every artist I’ve ever liked has had a profound impact on me. But I think some of my friends have had the largest impact. My friend who makes music under the name Nicole Watson has had a massive influence over how I write and how I sing. I definitely wouldn’t be where I am without her. Aside from her, my friend Joseph who goes by TEMPOREX, and then my old step-brother named Jay who makes music under the nam “Dream-Like”.  I’ve been a part of a few artist group chats that’ve really encouraged me. One specific one that comes to mind was created by this guy named Marcus who brought us all together as a fanclub group for The Internet band. The people I can name from that off the top of my head are Aidan Ochre (he makes music under that name), this producer named Walt, this dude named Deon, and a few other guys. My friend who makes music under the name Oliv Blu has also been a pretty big source of inspiration for me.

When you see the paths these inspirations of yours take, the improvements and new sounds they explore, what paths do you begin to hope to go down and what are musical avenues you hope to explore later?

I guess I hope to go down the paths I don’t yet know yet. I don’t think I’ll ever  want to completely transform into some other musician. I personally think borrowing and adopting aspects of another’s work is park of being an artist, but to completely adopt their sound, style, subject matter or whatever would be a disservice to myself. I have stuff to say and if I’m not saying it as myself then I feel like that’ll just retract from the value of what I personally think and feel. I guess in the end I just want to like where I’m going as an artist. And if we’re talking  musical avenues... I’d say the unreleased stuff I’m holding onto is deeper in the Rnb/Soul genre. I think, in a way, when I first started making music was when it was at its best. I’ve really been trying to get back to that raw sound because Oof really felt like I was trying to conform to a mold that other “bigger” artists have already laid out. To get there I’d love to be able to combine the rnb with some of the more jazzy influences and  little bit of shoegaze/chillwave or something.. I think it’d be pretty dope to keep some of the lo-fi attributes in there too.

How did you find yourself approaching the avenues of releasing ‘oof’, and what did that project represent as a whole for you?

With Oof I was revisiting a lot of old soundcloud demos I put out like 2+ years ago and cleaning them up a bit. I actually don’t remember if I had any intention with that one outside of trying to gain some traction in my music career. The goal was at least to to do better than I did on Ghost on the Run, but there wasn’t a whole lot of intention behind Oof as a project. Most of the songs are either me processing depression/anxiety stuff or other shit from my silly love life. In the end, all the songs just ended up sounding like they’d work together. I tried to put them in an order that “made sense”. Every time I’ve finished a project I look back at it and think “that doesn’t really feel like me.” but this upcoming EP/Album I have titled “with love,” feels a little closer to what I sounded like when I first started making music. I like that a lot. So to go back, Oof was a period of growth. What’s funny is that I go through the same exact emotional process whenever I release an album and then a couple months down the road I look back and I’m like “eh.” and then a few more months follow and again I look back and listen for where and how I can improve.

I feel like art and learning in general is about learning to experience, in whatever way one does, the space between the skills they’ve gained. Like if someone gets a trophy for every drum pattern, each vocal run, or every piano/guitar chord they know, then eventually they’re gonna step back and be like “damn, I have all these trophies and there isn’t much space left for any more”. But if they look closer they’ll find that the gaps between their trophies are bigger than they thought. There’s always space for more. Sometimes it’s just really fuckin hard to see those spaces, especially if you’re doing the same shit over and over.

When you look back upon that project and the work you're currently doing, what have you found the biggest differences to be and do you find yourself prideful of oof and those past works?

If we’re talking technicalities, I feel like I do a better job with my vocal runs and general layering stuff. I also feel like I’ve become a better lyricist and I feel like I’ve let go of the structure that I used to embrace. I’m proud that I was able to complete them (the albums) because I have ADHD so finishing shit can be really hard for me. It’s nice to see that I am capable of finishing projects when I really put my mind to it. The developments between each one are some things to be proud of.

What would you say is your biggest goal going forward and what are you going to do to ensure it becomes completed?

Honestly man, I just wanna be happy. I don't really care whether I blow up or not, I just want to keep making stuff that helps me feel good about myself because I've been pretty damn unhappy for a long time and I feel like it's about damn time that turns around. I want to produce films and write poems and somehow incorporate all of my arts into one final project one day, like a masterpiece of some kind. That'd be pretty dope to see.

Moses Sumney once signed a dollar and gave it to me after a show when he had like 4k followers on IG and I am DETERMINED to meet him at some music award show and give it back to him. That's when I think I'll be like "yep. I'm good.” I don’t even know why,  I don't even really care about giving it back to him that much. But I've been holding onto that thought since I was a junior in high school and I gotta bring it to fruition. I also want to be able to make other people happy. I'm doing my best to do that now, but I don't have a whole lot of resources to help people like I want to. I definitely contribute to efforts when, where, and however I can; but it'd be pretty damn tight to have the mobility to do it on a larger scale. At the same time, I think it just matters that I do what I can whenever I can for whoever needs it. I'm still trying to think that one through. I want to help my family be happy and I want to help kids get access to the arts they wanna practice. I would also love to help them learn how to practice those arts, if they fall under the pretty wide variety of things i'm learning to do,if not, I'd love to help them find people who can help them. And I guess by doing that I'd be paying respect to the people who've helped get me to where I am today. Like a pay it forward kinda thing.

I love your story about Moses, I’m sure you’ll get it one day. Maybe as a final question, and it may be really loaded for you. But, what is the point to this difficult journey you’ve undertaken? Why is it you have poured your heart and soul into this all? Why, for you, is it all worth it?

The most difficult journey for me has been learning that I'm worthy of being heard and loved and understood. I'm still working at it, but I've been trying to recognize that what I say and how I say it has value as a contribution to the greater human to non human life to earth to universe conversation. It's kind of hard to think about sometimes but I know that because I even have the opportunity to be alive with the resources and people I have around me, I have to do something with it all. I am choosing to have the responsibility of making something of everything that's been given to me so I can give it to others and then, I hope, they'll do something with what they have and pass it on to someone else in whatever capacity they're able to give. I guess another thing that's been incredibly frustrating for me has been watching all of my friends do really well with their music while the progression of my "career" has been super slow. It's taught me how to be happy for others and how to separate my success from theirs, but that's been a little frustrating. In the end, if it doesn't work out I'll probably keep doing music but it'll just be a hobby. I'll pick up something else and try that.

That’s a perfect way to look at it and visualize what the purpose is. Do you have anyone to shoutout or anything to promote? The floor is yours!

Yeah! I'm dropping a single this Friday, November 23! Also follow me on instagram @xavley and comment a Never Gonna Give You Up reference one of @TEMPOREX’s instagram posts and tell him Xavier sent you. Also go listen to Dream-Like because he's been dropping a lot of hot tunes lately.

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Photos by Colin Shephed, Ben Ward, and Travvis Redding