#I fear this might be a somewhat niche thing

[blue-uppercase]

"All because of that most insidious of emotions; hope."

[pjsk-hot-takes]

To add onto Anons before me I’ve noticed that whenever misogyny is brought up in the PJSK fandom the people talking about it always specifically refer to L/N, MMJ and even N25. Which.

Actually I think we should talk about Emu Nene An and Kohane more. They face SO much misogyny. Constantly. And nobody even mentions them in discussions about misogyny BECAUSE of said misogyny. Literally every single time an Emunene or Anhane song comes out people call it bad or say it should’ve gone to someone else. Every time. Without fail. It gets ignored at best outright hated at worst.

Ok so thought experiment time. Name a popular Emunene or Anhane song that’s as beloved or gets as much attention as Aun no Beats and Fixer.

If you couldn’t name one - that isn’t even because they don’t have bangers people just don’t like women unless they’re standing right next to men. Anhane alone has Imperial Girl and Odo and Pheles and Love is War and the Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow and Butterfly on your Right Shoulder archives and you’re telling me that none of those are “good enough”????? Idk I think that’s just bias. Ruikasa and Akitoya songs have gotten popular with worse. Anhane and Emunene could drop the most jaw dropping gorgeous songs ever and not a single person would care and I firmly believe and will stand by that statement.

This isn’t even getting into how they’re treated in group covers!!!!!! Everybody ignores or hates on them!!!! If people feel like they got even slightly more lines than Ruikasa or Akitoya, even in their *own focus songs* (cough forward cough) they get so upset. And yet when Anhane and Emunene get the EXACT same treatment in Ruikasa or Akitoya songs nobody says a single thing!!!

And that’s not just speculation I KNOW that’s the case I can literally prove it. An has three total solo lines in the entirety of blender. That’s the exact same amount of solo lines as Toya gets in Ready Steady. They pretty much have the exact same amount of duet lines as well. In both songs. But Ready Steady is infamous and hated for it whereas blender nobody has even pointed this out and it’s universally beloved. It’s not even just a “blender is a focus song” thing because this happened with Forward too. It’s just misogyny.

I’ve seen people complain about Daybreak Frontline. Because and I quote “I hate it when the girls get most of the lines”. I can’t even go into any of the Nene or Emu tags without filtering every single Tsukasa and Rui tag first and even then finding any sort of content is almost impossible I think that’s a problem.

People will call Kohane “just a girl” despite the fact that she has a solid character arc and a personality and development. You can think she’s boring or not for you but????????? Don’t call her “just a girl”????? Esp not when she has social difficulties that are intentionally supposed to be relatable to the audience. A lot of people might actually relate to her character and journey even if they don’t necessarily like her. Idk leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

An has it only SLIGHTLY better because there’s a niche little fanbase for her and she’s somewhat popular (in the western fanbase. I think Kohane is more popular in Japan iirc.) but she still gets treated as an accessory to Akito and Toya just like Kohane. Also people keep trying to be weird and frame her as abusive or toxic which. Considering that possibility isn’t like a bad thing but people are just straight up reaching to try to prove stuff that either isn’t implied at any point or is outright refuted in the text just to villainize her??? Which is weird??? Especially because these people will turn around and defend Rui and Akito. Like. What did she ever do to you….. you’re willing to defend Rui who has canonically put people in mortal danger because teehee autism (I am autistic FYI I still think that’s a really stupid thing to use as justification especially if he’s aware it’s dangerous????) but An. Just existing with her fear of abandonment was too much??????

I could go ON and on and on there are so many examples….. help me……… help me anons…..

It’s not even that liking Akito and Toya or Rui and Tsukasa is inherently bad!!!!! But the favoritism as a whole is…….. something. Especially when it turns into hating the fem characters.

Also Mizuki suffers this too with Rui as another anon mentioned and it’s like. Really guys. Like first off it’s not about him it’s about Mizuki and if you’re gonna involve anyone else it should be the Nightcord girlies. Second off It’s a double whammy because people will bring up Rui but make no mention of An despite the fact that An is the one who’s canonically defended Mizuki from transphobes. Like. Why only Rui.

(I tried to word this as neutrally as possible I hope it didn’t come off as too aggressive ausuxuvhxhgxhgshg…. Anyways….. introspection and growth is good and cool actually…. Also I’m using Anhane and Emunene and Akitoya and Ruikasa for ease of use not as like a ship thing just to clarify it’s just tiring typing out each name individually)

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[liketwoswansinbalance]

Is Rafal an Allegory for Autism and Is He Autistic Himself?

DISCLAIMER: This is just one niche interpretation of the text that points to his being autistic, even if it were not intentionally written into the narrative. I am in no way claiming this interpretation is factual or that it is an absolute or “correct” reading of the text.

Therefore, feel free to disagree with me or add onto this! I will not be offended by opposing viewpoints at all, and it could be fair to say I’m just pathologizing him, if that’s the case, which may be true. I’d also love to hear other takes if anyone agrees with me, or suspects another form of neurodivergence, seeing as comorbidities are possible and one condition doesn’t rule out the existence of another as symptoms alone could themselves be attributed to other causes.

@hyperfixating-chic Thank you for bringing up the idea of Rafal having autism since I had previously suspected it due to some of his (potentially negligible) traits, and discarded the idea. Now, I see it as plausible and your thought about masking definitely helped everything else slot into place!

Currently, I'm straddling the line between:

Is Rafal an unintentional allegory for autism, or beyond that, does he have enough traits for him to actually be autistic?

With him, any traces of autism seem to present themselves in such minor ways that I might just be cherry-picking evidence to fit this particular image of him. Though, his autism could just be higher-functioning anyway. And, while he does have seemingly autistic traits, there could be other, equally plausible reasons for their existence apart from neurodivergence, such as his idiosyncratic personality. And, because he is fictional, we can’t truly be sure.

One side note: The word “autism” could be translated as “selfism,” as the prefix “auto-” means “self,” or it could allude to self-absorption. Yet, not all autistics are selfish and some may only appear “selfish” to others. However, this interpretation of the word happens to work in favor of Rafal’s autism existing, as he is selfish (and does possess a somewhat graceless mode of socializing).

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Evidence for his character being an allegory:

He's central to the order of the world he lives in, to the Schools running, continuing on, to pure utility, but does he have any social value beyond that?

Quick digression: I'm almost tempted to say that the worst thing someone whose opinion Rafal actually cares about could say to him is: “You're useless/purposeless." (And that is what I have him think about, or say at times, to Rhian, but if it were directed toward him, I feel like it would be something he couldn't brush off easily.)

Looking at his “value” and other traits:

He has virtually no relationships and thus, has little social currency apart from his School Master status.

He is viewed as an outsider in a sense by society (partly because of how far above everyone else he stations himself). But, if he didn’t do that as well as threaten punishment so frequently, would he be ridiculed behind closed doors? Even though he was admitted to the Black Rabbit, it was (probably?) because he was respected and feared, not because he was “welcome” in an amicable way, even if he was treated well. How do we know he wasn’t merely tolerated because he had to be, according to social conventions or mandated politeness driven by fear? Albeit, some Nevers probably did actually idolize him.

I believe there was even an assumption by others that he had a purpose for being at the nightclub, that he was there strictly for business, to scout out prospective students, not necessarily because he was there to join the festivities. Though, I may be misremembering.

He is irreverent and a “killjoy” to some, often upsets the status quo on large (leaving the School) and small (the trainwreck at the Snow Ball) scales, and often questions things usually accepted by most. He also doesn’t respect any authority apart from his own. This again is due to his Evil, in-narrative, as Evers are commonly depicted as rule-followers and traditionalists. (Neurotypicals, those who aren’t neurodivergent, generally do not question implicit social rules, even when there is no reason to keep to them or no reason for their existence.)

Rafal might only have been valued for his tangible, quantifiable contributions to society, as both a Never of prodigious talents and as an individual with a high-standing.

That begs the question: what about him as a person?

He is broadly viewed as unlikable.

To play into allegory, he is dehumanized, not necessarily for potential autism, but for his Evil, if it could be seen as a symbol of his autism.

At the start, Rhian, in originally wanting to eradicate Evil from the Woods and reform every soul, inadvertently demonizes him. And so do his students, when they sentence him to prison.

Sometimes, in-world, the Pen dehumanizes him (as well as Rhian) for his position as School Master. It reduces him to his role, strips him of individuality and selfhood because he is one of an indivisible pair, and it views him as replaceable, which, again, relates heavily to utility above all else, in how his sole purpose for being there and having his life preserved is pushing the tales and future forward.

So, while yes, he is respected and valued and held up as an exemplar for what Evil should be, how deeply does others’ approval run? Was anyone in-world willing to vouch for him or defend him as a person, for personal traits, apart from his skills and achievements?

(I’m not trying to suggest this in poor taste, but a real-world example of this phenomenon happening historically is the moral quandary of saving Einstein, who might've been neurodivergent. Einstein’s singular life as a Jew was prioritized over other lives, a plurality, during the Holocaust because he was a genius and therefore, a person of value. And, to generalize, sometimes groups only claim unlikable or "inferior" individuals as one of their own because they can benefit and get ahead from doing so. For instance, a Nazi could rationalize something absurd and say: "Oh, that Jew. He's a personal friend of mine. He's an exception, not like all those others. He's a good guy, and so, I'll help him escape Germany." Any “loyalty” from a member of the in-group is conditional. The moment that person of value crosses a line or becomes useless, it’s “abandon ship!” Or worse, denial: "They were never that great in the first place!")

Initially, to Rafal's students, he was a Folk devil, or their chosen scapegoat, even if their accusations against him proved pretty valid later on with the torture. (So, admittedly, he is deserving of a lot the narrative did to him, and can’t be defended completely.)

In fact, both Rafal’s own students and Vulcan (importantly designated as Rafal’s competition) seemed perfectly happy to see him fall. Thus, we can ask: did he suffer from a case of Tall Poppy Syndrome?

For reference, here’s a definition of the term I’ve pulled from the internet:

“Tall Poppy Syndrome occurs when individuals are attacked, resented, criticized, or cut down due to their achievements and success. The metaphorical ‘tall poppy’ represents someone who stands out from the crowd, excels, and reaches new heights.”

Maybe, he was only ever valued, not for who he was, but for what he could bring into the world.

Even if anyone post-Fall suspected that Rhian was the “Rafal” they saw, maybe they truly didn’t care. They still had a “him” in a sense that must have seemed just as good and serviceable as the original—if, again, they only valued him for the sake of utility.* It probably didn’t matter because no one was suffering from a lack of Evil School Master (yes, just the title, not the name) and likely no one realized they were suffering from a lack of Rafal (and balance). Him as a person probably meant nothing in their eyes, considering how he used and abused them.

So, here we have a figure, who was never that personable to begin with, who only succeeded in further alienating himself from potential allies and friends as stakes rose, who excelled in other areas rather than socially.

Could he have used his sorcery and other preternatural, prodigy-like abilities (considering his mental/physical age, if not his chronological age) to compensate for his ever-present social deficit? Possibly.

*Thus, we might be able to confirm he was always viewed, not for who he was, but for what he could do.

His death was caused by the failure to say the right, emotionally-weighted words in an emotionally-charged situation.

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Evidence for being autistic himself:

His default mode of speaking appears to be deadpan with little intonation and his emotional expression is overall low. He’s also rather impassive and placid compared to other characters as long as he remains in control and isn’t taken by surprise. Thus, I suspected he could have a flat affect (or blunted affect), unless he is deliberately seducing or appealing to another character he intends to manipulate to his own ends.

He has irreverence for existing traditions or established ways of doing things, given how he changed the date of the Snow Ball without warning, without consulting anyone, and with little concern for others because he saw his decision as fit to serve himself.

He seems to have a case of one-track-mind or monotropism when it comes to saving Rhian or attaining power for himself at any cost. His narrowed, obsessive focus tends to center on either Rhian, vengeance, the balance, or gaining control over his immediate surroundings whenever he is incapacitated; he has a need for order and control in everything he approaches. He also has a strong internal sense of justice, however perversely-aligned his may be.

He doesn’t distribute his attention widely, and (once) seemed to love his brother deeply and narrowly. He had no friends outside of Rhian, his twin, which could’ve been a given since the start. He had difficulty maintaining all of his relationships (or situationships) and had a marked lack of interest in forming relationships or friendships with others outside of Rhian because he often cut ties with people like Hook or Midas when he no longer had a practical use for them.

One of the greatest “sins” to some autistic people is lying, and it occurred to me that, a few times over, Rafal never lied. (This statement excludes the few exceptions of his Fala disguise, a thought not completely of his own volition which the Storian may have planted in his mind or implicitly suggested with its illustrations, and his general practice of withholding information.) He just weaponizes shades of the truth, unlike Rhian who did outright lie at times. Rafal instead misled, passively allowing people to believe what they wanted to believe about his moral character (oftentimes in the “fact” that he was trustworthy) without truly affirming their views of him or correcting them, as long as doing so continually worked to his advantage. He let them fall into their own delusions, and used lies of omission, which aren’t technically lies.

Although he is often driven by his selfish, insular nature, like towards the singular pursuit of power and becoming the One in Fall, I also suspected that he's often mind-blind in regards to others, sometimes willfully, if it’s not “errors” in how he processes the world. I would guess that he might experience difficulty in understanding and empathizing with others' perspectives, meaning he has trouble with “Theory of Mind.” As evidence, he uses the “wrong” wording when he attempted to placate Rhian at the climax of Fall before the fratricide scene since he’s not used to consoling or providing others with emotional reassurance or comfort. In addition, he seemed unable or unwilling to sympathize with Rhian’s perceived loss to him when he momentarily appeared to hold the Storian’s favor.

Rafal also strikes me as the type of person to devalue a form of emotional, Ever-like “data” he cannot read. If he does (or ever formerly did) suffer from mind-blindness, I have a theory that, possibly, because he could have begun with the inability to comprehend others' mental states, he found an alternate way to operate in and successfully navigate his world with, to thrive in it, consciously comporting himself as Evil, due to the easy potential overlap in autistic behaviors and being a conventional Never, in a way that was insensitive and cold enough to allow for any kind of social faux pas he could have made to be viewed as intentional on his part, assuming he spent most of his time around others masking his autism (covering up and compensating for deficits so as to be perceived as “normal”) even if such a label probably wouldn’t exist in the Woods. He also seems to dislike or barely tolerate any kind of flagrant sentimentality.

If the above point were true, then he would probably not only lack affective, visible empathy he could feel, imitate, and display through his facial expressions and body language, but also cognitive empathy. And this could be potentially because it would be convenient to him, to disregard and not take into account data that is ostensibly “meaningless” to him. Besides, I think there is a chance he’s taught himself to be persuasive or seductive when he wants to or “has” to be, in order to appeal to his victims. The other general possibility I had in mind was that Rafal could have learned to read people until it became second nature to him, with how he used suggestive manipulation on Aladdin to get the thief to steal back the lamp, proving Rafal consciously knew how predictable and pliable human nature could be.

In total, from what I can tell, he is able to manipulate others exceptionally well and lead them on, and yet, when it comes to actually relating to anyone, he seems to have difficulty understanding their points of view if he doesn't just flat-out disregard them in favor of his always being "right," which brings me to his tenacity, how he seems set in his ways, and leans towards extremes. Rafal seems like an all-or-nothing person, and either commits all the way to a cause, even bringing life-or-death ruminations into his internal monologue, or is apathetic and doesn't care at all.

Perhaps, Rafal suffers from sustained emotional dysregulation during certain plot points. He clearly has an inability to “let things go,” as is common with autism because when he was more than slighted by his mutinous students sending him to Monrovia Prison, his temper flared and he went to an extreme of methodically torturing every last child. And afterward, he continued to hold onto a grudge against that one particular class, until he was in closer contact with them, and gradually began to see himself and how he’d conducted himself as School Master from their perspective, literally in the shoes of the Never student Fala he fabricated.

He often has sharp lines of dialogue and witticisms the reader sees as comedic when his intention probably wasn’t to be, thereby meaning he could be unaware of precisely how he comes across to others, as hyperbolic as he is.

His quick wit and resourcefulness led me to think that he is at least partly a verbal thinker, evinced by the Vulcan shanty he composed and some of his scathing one-liners. Plus, he does muse philosophically on occasion in his narration, about matters like the nature of Evil, villainous purpose, and its role in the Woods, or how villains usually work alone while pirates, as a breed, are known to be more communal.

He also twists others’ words at times, uses the “Exact Phrasing” fairy-tale convention, and exploits loopholes oftentimes. I’m pretty sure he sees language as up to interpretation? E.g., he offers to pay a Man-Wolf his "weight in gold" and then, turns the Man-Wolf into gold to make an example of him, weaponizing literal meaning. Overall, as a reader, I feel as if I must watch out for the true meaning of his dialogue.

His reclusiveness, contrasted with Rhian’s desire for romantic love and companionship, and his general social withdrawal are quite prominent, and those asocial, isolative (or more destructively, “antisocial”) tendencies could, as well as being a preference, function as a coping mechanism. Perhaps, he feels better and overall more regulated whilst alone than in the company of other people, who neither give him peace of mind nor obey him, especially those whose every action he cannot control? And maybe, he needs room to breathe and think, and left the School at the start of Rise to shut out the offending emotional stimulus of Rhian’s words, about how all Evil-doers could be reformed to Good and that Evil lacked purpose. If he was emotionally affected by the brothers’ argument, the Aladdin bet, and the chaotic events of the Snow Ball, maybe he just had to sever himself from it all and leave it behind?

He might have Sensory Processing Disorder, which often accompanies autism. I’m not an expert, but from what I could see, there are hints of Rafal having an aversion to light, such as when, in his internal monologue, he remarks on Rhian's glass castle. Additionally, when he intentionally renovated his School, it was dark and dimly lit.

In the ice classroom, he sat at his desk for days on end, entranced by the mirror he enchanted to view the Doom Room with, like he was watching television, like it was some form of a singular obsession, and he did all that presumably without feeling any bodily discomfort. Thus, it occurred to me that, while this instance could be attributed to his invulnerability/immortality, he might just have trouble with interoception or internal bodily sensation. He rarely seems to sense or acknowledge dehydration, exhaustion, or hunger, and seems ascetic while Rhian is slightly more dependent on creature comforts.

One last qualifying trait could be Rafal’s lack of sensitivity to (external) pain as seen when the Storian slashes his palm open for the oath.

As far as the previous two points go, I’ve been questioning whether his potential difficulty with interoception could coexist at once with the artificially-induced traits of his Storian-bestowed invulnerability that later fades over the course of Fall, rendering him mortal, or conditioning over his lifetime as an Evil-doer, as Evil thematically seems to undergo more pain than Good does throughout the series. Even while vulnerable and mortal in Fall, he manages to walk on his limp, and contends fairly well with his broken leg, despite the pain.

If his invulnerability or his Never status does indeed coexist with his possible interoceptive difficulties, it could mask the deficit of sensation, instead being construed as simple invulnerability or the “mettle” of a tough, stoic, Never soul, as Rhian, who possesses the same invulnerability, reacted more towards the same source of physical pain than Rafal did.

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Counterarguments:

Despite all these signs, anyone could have all or most of these traits in isolation, which still may not add up to a complete diagnosis. Basically, this is not only a matter of totalling up traits. We don’t really know how his brain functions as he is fictional and I would bet that if he were real, he couldn’t be arsed to answer interview questions.

I don’t believe he was intended to be autistic, given the fantasy genre of the series and its vaguely historical time frame, even if all this could form a viable headcanon.

We can't entirely be sure that he has a social deficit, or if his manner and apparent “deficit” are displayed by choice or out of practicality.

The most generous (non-deficient) interpretation we can hand him is that he’s simply out of practice. After all, he almost never associates with social equals, aside from Rhian, whom he doesn’t view as an equal.

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In response to my one of my counterarguments:

Then again, neither was Sherlock Holmes intentionally written as autistic since the diagnosis didn’t exist during the Victorian era and hadn't come about until later in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's lifetime—although many people today conclude that Holmes is indeed autistic and use modern terms to describe him because Doyle based him off of an “eccentric” academic acquaintance, the medical professor Dr. Joseph Bell, who might have been autistic.

In conclusion, I could just be a bit delusional, and this speculation could be far-fetched. Do you think I’m reading too much into whatever may have been intended for Rafal’s character? Could Rafal be autistic, or if not, could his characterization indicate some other type of neurodivergence?

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Thank you for taking the time to read through my thoughts! I’m open to “peer-review.” Anyone?

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

ippiki au: minor characters edition

first things first: here look at everyone. dont mind the inconsistency of style, i took a 4 month break in the middle of these okay

and now! lore and stuff will be under the cut to not clog up everything

ill include everyones images a second time before their specific lore just to help keep track of things i hope you dont mind that. also implied vbs event spoilers (specifically for light up the fire) when you get to radder, if thats a concern at all

mizuki- deer. a runaway from an arena with lower security, met ena early into their escaped days and theyve stuck together since. their antler broke while in the arena, and they havent shed yet to grow back evenly. whether the white spots are because of their deer species or the fact that theyre still a teenager or just because of weird hybrid things is up to viewer interpretation (aka i never really settled on a specific type of deer for them). unfortunately the antlers make them pretty visibly trans and they dont really like having them, but at least most other hybrids dont seem to care too much.

ena- mountain lion. grew up in the same lab as akito, and to neither of their knowledge, they are actually related (ena was still somewhat of an older sister figure to him, along with some of the others from his group. they havent seen each other in a few years since ena got taken to an arena. to each other they might as well be dead). not the biggest fan of their current situation, but shes trying to make the best of it.

they live together currently in the undercity, living somewhat steadily off of odd jobs. its not the greatest life, and maybe one day theyd like to leave, but for two teenage girls, its the best theyre managing for now, and it certainly could be a lot worse. they both couldve never escaped their arenas and died there.

haruka- domestic shorthair cat (but often mistaken for being a russian blue... shes just a regular gray cat with blue eyes). an ex-feral (captured as a child) turned show pet with a reputation for her cool charm. while shes taken to this life with relative ease, she misses her home from far outside the city and her childhood best friend who got captured at the same time and separated from her (she cant help but fear that an is probably dead, sent to an arena for her rowdier personality. shed like to hope otherwise, but the odds are against her)... also yes, her outfit mainly looking like her asrun outfit is intentional.

minori- goat. i forgot her sideways pupils here but she has those, just like kohane and luka. a childhood friend of kohanes, raised in the same lab, but was bought as a show pet instead. no one really knows why, besides her enthusiastic personality having its strengths in the idol-like niche of show pets. admires haruka from a distance, but theyve never had a chance to properly meet. maybe one day...

nene- longhaired fold cat x canary. part of a private project attempting to create non mammalian hybrids by balancing them out with known stable hybrids, and shes one of the first semi successful ones. she might have survived to a reasonable age so far, but not without complications. shes prone to occasionally unstable health and has some speech issues, mostly caused by the bird parts of her not mixing well with everything else. the feathers are cute, but at what cost? although being kept in a very restrictive environment isnt doing her any favors either...

technically shes not even a main part of the au! shes got her own side storyline with wxs lol

kotaro- racoon. literally just some guy. from the same town as haruan, but hes just been there the whole time. probably the only character here who hasnt experienced the horrors to some extent. not actually relevant to the au besides like oh he exists he might briefly show up, but i wanted to draw him because i had design ideas

souma- domestic dog, some kind of mutt. suffered a combination of severe injuries throughout his time in an arena and during their escape, leaving him with a nasty mess of scars across his body as well as a mostly paralyzed arm and a noticeable limp. hes trying to stay positive despite that, after all theyre free! but its tough sometimes, he cant help but feel bad that hes slowing down their pace in traveling.

arata- caracal. from the same arena as souma, but escaped much more unscathed, his past injuries are nowhere near as severe. heard stories about the outside world somewhere and is now determined to find somewhere worth living out in the wasteland with souma. hes not exactly friendly to people they cross paths with, but its mostly out of caution to protect both of them.

fun fact i had to redesign soumarata partially because i just wasnt satisfied with their designs (i had made some very early on into the au) and partially because me and my friends realized souma is the taller one (hes like. slightly taller than touya? while arata is only taller than akito) and i had it the other way around before.

nagi- maned wolf. a popular face around town, and one of their most successful participants in various resource gathering missions (it isnt uncommon for hybrid towns to have members who will steal things for their towns from supply trains that go out to human towns in the wasteland and nagi was often a fan of going on those). she liked to get out and explore the wasteland! sometimes shed let an (and less often, haruka as well) tag along with her so they could see more of the world while still supervised, but that led to her own downfall. a mission went wrong, the kids got caught, and she got killed trying to save them.

taiga- tiger (how could i not go for the pun, and also canon did it first anyway). while once a common sight around town, after nagis death hes become a rare visitor, traveling more often than not, only stopping home once in a while. maybe he doesnt want to linger around the feelings left behind now that shes gone. scary and serious, but not out of bad intentions.

ken- fox (just like an). runs a somewhat popular cafe in town, comfortably settled down. he regrets not being there to protect his daughter, but theres nothing to do about it anymore. maybe one day shell come back, but for now, hes got a job to do and thats the most important thing for him to focus on.

nagi and taiga are fully aware that theyre siblings, unlike akito and ena. it was more common for their generation to be aware of this, rather than having knowledge about their origins withheld. they both were in an arena that focused on team fights, and when taigas original teammate was killed, nagi ended up with him, prompting him to help them both escape because he didnt want to let his sister get hurt more than necessary (even though shes capable of taking care of herself in a fight). they met ken (another arena escapee) during their way out of the city, and began traveling as a group of three until they found the town they all called home. their presence was an important part of making that town thrive into the place it is now, even if things for the trio have since fallen apart quite a bit. nagi is gone, taiga rarely sticks around, ken is the only one who stayed now.

meiko- bear. runs a convenience store at night in the undercity near one of the arenas (the one akikoha are in), well known around the area and uses her advantageous shop location to help new escapees get a little more set into their newly freed lives. a kind if intimidating woman, and very reliable at her jobs.

miku- striped hyena. just an average young escapee living in the undercity, although she doesnt try to blend in very well. ever since she got her hands on some hair dye shes been stubbornly sticking to the faded and grown out color, she thinks shes cool with it. friends with a couple humans who seem completely unbothered by her animal traits

luka- ibex. an escapee from the outer city workshops who decided to move to the undercity... and never really settles down anywhere. she likes to wander from place to place, experiencing the great expanse of the city from its depths. shes got her favorite places to come back to, but more than anything, shes always on the move to see something new.

kaito and the kagamines are humans (the kagamines are mikus human friends!) which is why theyre not here 👍

and thats everyone! apologies this is a monster of a post, but i hope youve enjoyed reading. and hopefully its semi coherent lol

[greater-than-the-sword]

Gender in the Age to Come

A reply to a tumblr mutual in light of James B. Jordan's "Restoring the Office of Woman in the Church"

In order to respond here, my discourse in this post will necessarily take the form of somewhat esoteric musings. I apologize for this to everyone else. It is not my intention to be esoteric, but I am responding to a set of very niche and almost mystical claims.

As well, I do not intend this post to be a speculation about the exact nature of the resurrection bodies, since I do believe that is beyond the scope of what is revealed to us in the Bible. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.

Essentially what I set out to disprove here is the notion that manhood or masculinity is inherently corrupt, violent, a result of the fall, doomed to destruction, or even transient and temporal in a manner that stands opposed to the allegedly superior eternality of feminine qualities.

(Although this may not be your intention, it's hard to imagine how this wouldn't devolve into straight up female superiority brand sexism. But I digress.)

We thankfully agree that James B. Jordan is wrong when he says that the verse stating "woman is the glory of man" means that woman is a type of improved man. That's because of the context of that verse which also says, "Man is the glory of God" (yet as you astutely pointed out, man is not an improved God.)

So, what DOES it mean that woman is the glory of man? I think Jordan hits way closer to this later on in his essay series when he points out that glory is a type of situational relationship evoking the idea of emanation or generation. (obviously that's not ALL it is but I will get into this.)

It's clear to me that Jordan is a man of great wisdom and insight, however he does make some mistakes and he also clearly comes from a very high-church denominational background which colors some of his views.

As much progress as Jordan makes toward explaining some of the more esoteric verses on gender in the Bible, he does still neglect to explore some of the most interesting verses on gender, and does not explore how they might interact with the framework he has set up.

That is what I aim to do here. Although I have a number of quibbles with Jordan, mainly I want to take his best ideas and run with them to their logical conclusion.

My proposition is essentially that masculinity is about the imitation of Christ.

Is man's masculinity not the image of God? If this were not so masculinity would be a result of the fall, but it is not.

Will man not continue to be God's image for the rest of eternity? Or will he relinquish a part of this image?

Is God's image not a gift? Does God take back his gifts? Surely not, because, "the gifts and calling of God cannot be revoked". (Romans 11:26) [We are speaking here of spiritual giftings rather than material ones of course.]

Let's go through this point by point.

Consider the role of masculinity prior to the fall. Of course many things about Adam can be said to represent humanity in general rather than males in particular, but there is one very obviously gendered thing Adam did prior to the fall. (Yes, Jordan is correct in that the Bible is implicit that Adam conveyed God's commands to Eve, but I am talking about something that's actually spelled out in the text.)

Adam had a role in the creation of Eve.

Hardly anyone these days wants to juice any meaning out of this part of the text for fear it will make women look inferior, but it is juicy. And when male inferiority is on the table, it is worth looking into.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12,

Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.

And from there straight into the verses that Jordan covered.

It is interesting that Paul mentions man's labor in creating woman on an equal footing, which seems odd on the surface when you think that Adam's role in the creation of Eve was completely passive and not comparable to the labor that thousands of women do daily to create new men, but Paul seems to think it is both noteworthy and comparable that woman was created out of man, and it's worth asking why.

If you like esoteric analogies, consider that Adam was put to sleep or "died" metaphorically speaking, sacrificing himself to create Eve. But after that time he again rose, with new "glory", that is, the woman.

So Adam underwent a symbolic sacrificial death that Eve might be created.

Woman did not do this. Only a male did this. Therefore this scene is a viable candidate for a defining masculine trait.

Sure, this is a pre-fall world. So Adam feels no pain, and the thing which he must sacrifice is not something that he will ever miss. But the symbolism is undeniable.

While imitating Christ, man not only dies, but also is resurrected and glorified.

As was our Lord, the ultimate Man. In whose image you are made.

For Adam that was not literal death, and glory meant getting the rewards of experiencing marriage. Therefore, if a man is 'made for death', he is made for resurrection and glorification as well, is he not? And isn't that too a part of his masculine nature as much as the sacrificial symbolic death which preceded it?

Now, I posit the imitation of Christ is a goal of an eternal nature and not merely temporal. In eternity when men are resurrected in glory will their masculine aspects not be more completely fulfilled by having this happen to them?

Clearly the purpose of men isn't to destroy life but to protect it. And ultimately even create it.

I would argue that even a man's capacity for violence isn't the defining characteristic of masculinity but an auxiliary characteristic that springs out of this central defining characteristic.

One might argue, "How can the believer's eventual death, resurrection and glorification be a male fulfillment if all women also die?"

A couple counter arguments:

You might as well argue that Jordan's theory of feminine "responsiveness" is not uniquely feminine since all believers submit to Christ.

All people have in them some germ of both masculine and feminine traits.

Essentially, if as you believe "death is masculine", then so is resurrection and glorification - you can not have the 1st be true without the 2nd also being true.

In the age to come, I posit that redeemed humanity will inherit both the masculine and feminine gifts, but the blessings we've already been given are by no means revoked. Women, having experienced death, resurrection and glorification with Christ; and men, having experienced spiritual marriage and unity to Christ, will both have achieved both masculine and feminine aspects.

Therefore, in the next age, everyone will find a way to share in both masculine and feminine. It is unclear to me whether we will all be therefore genderless from that point on or if some people will still be more masculine than feminine much in the way we are on earth where in our personality people have both masculine and feminine attributes.

After all, may I remind you that "The Bride" is not the ONLY metaphor used to describe the Church in eternity, we are also said to be "kings" who will "rule together with Christ" and "share in his likeness".

Remember that we relate to Christ not only as receivers of him but also as imitators of him.

Or do women not also have a calling to imitate Christ's sacrificial nature? Can women not protect at times? Just as men submit to Christ's headship.

(For one example not mentioned in the articles, Esther was a Christ-figure when she risked death to protect her people.)

On earth the "exceptional cases" of non conformity to gender roles in the Bible exist seemingly to prove that women are also ultimately inheritors of the masculine aspects of the divine nature just as men are of the feminine.

Genuinely I truly hope this helps. I have some other comments on Jordan's work as well, for example his part 3 seems to imply that pastors are intrinsically more masculine than other men, which I thought was very strange. But there are things about his insights that I liked very much. For example, would you believe me if I told you this was the first take on gender roles that I've ever read which defines femininity as anything remotely approaching analytical or rational? Having long considered myself "masculine in temperament" I find this perspective both refreshing and validating.

Anyway, hope this helps. I am powerless to prevent you from somehow twisting this in a blackpilled manner, but I don't think it should be.

[willows-unnamed-rpg]

Week 2

Overview and thoughts

I decided I want to try to make one post a week with progress on my project, so I figured I should be more transparent on what these posts should look like and some more insight into what I am working towards.

Each post should be up on Monday to highlight what I been working on for this system/game. I intended to release a playtest of the system that will be open to the public. I currently have only myself on the project so progress will be slow but once I have some sort of Alpha test or something I'm comfortable having people run with I'll post a link to a pdf and host it in a pinned post. I know that this will require a lot and my goal is to have a simple adventure module to test out along with some handfuls of additional monsters to play with if you don't want a module. This is ambitious but I need to shoot for the moon

Beginning on the System - TTRPG stuff to be used for my game

I mentioned briefly in last week's post that I wanted to do a point buy based system and I figured I should go into some depth about what I currently have so far.

I like the idea of loosely placing abilities/features into one of three categories based on traditional MMO style features: Tank, Damage, and Support (I am going to change these names, they are not final). I also want some semblance of balance, so trees or pathways make sense, invest more into something and it gets better. I also want things to overlap so it's more a Venn Diagram and less a defined category. I was also thinking to split based on archetypes but that would be limiting I think. I would want my favorite archetypes to work (spell sword, life as a resource) along with other traditional (fighter, ranger) and non traditional styles (using magical objects rather than magic itself, specific weapon oriented builds).

I also think the point buy idea should help with encounter balance since encounters of specified difficulties will be using a specific amount of points and a Game Master can make encounters based on those points (kinda like armies in war games like Warhammer)

The fear here is that the point buy system will lead a player down a rabbit hole of poor build optimization or choice paralysis. I feel poor build optimization can be solved with allowing players to rebuild their character somewhat with a narrative beat (or in game mechanic for when I bring it over to the rpg but a system like that is common across RPGs so it's not a design flaw imo). The choice paralysis is. I think I need to guide players to cool endcap abilities or features along with features that require investing in multiple areas, like let's say applying poisons in combat without taking up turn resources is an investment in some kind of rogue aligned tree and an alchemy based tree. I think I am finding both Pathfinder and Fallout: New Vegas as inspiration for Horizontal Progression.

Now onto what I have so far for Character Creation. I think I am going to be giving the player about 50 total points they can use for creating a character but are required to use 20 for statistics (I am going to be running with D&D/Pathfinder stats) and 10 for Saving Throws as a minimum. I think players should be able to spend more on these if they would like but it would limit how much depth they get at level one. A player's "Heritage" will either cost points, give points, or be point neutral since if one Heritage gives more benefits or Horizontal potential I think it should cost a player and if a Heritage is very flavorful but punishing, the player should be able to try to use their points to help circumvent these issues or play into their strengths.

My issue I see with this could lead into ridiculous brews since how wide the system is. But that also might not be an actual issue. I need to nail down my specific demographic since this is an indie project and won't have wide appeal, I should find a niche and stick to it rather than trying to take on the juggernauts.

Some notes about my research into non-western piracy

I have begun my initial dive into non Caribbean Piracy and I have found some areas of interest I need to dig into, like the Chen Zuyi, a pirate from the 1400 to 1407 and the Wokou. Forgive me for spelling anything wrong as I am so far working off of Wikipedia as a help to find some primary sources.

Chen Zuyi seems like a very interesting character with little info in the West (unsurprisingly). He seemed to rule over Palembang which I happen to know where that is due to EU4 and my love for naval/trade gameplay as I have played the nation of Palembang and I knew they had an event to reform into a pirate republic. So it's really cool to actually learn a bit about this. I need to find some more primary sources about this man but it seems a bit hard with how little there is in English.

The Wokou were pirates who raided Korea and China from the 13th century to 17th. Again similar to Palembang, in EU4 you can play the Daimyo of So on Tsushima and reform into a Pirate Republic with an event referencing the Wokou, so I knew there was something in this region but that was it going into my initial research. Wikipedia has alot more info on this group but it seems to a bit controversial to claim that The Wokou are all Japanese, when there is evidence to point that the early Wokou were from several different ethnic groups where people whole lived on the fringes of society. Which makes me want to draw parallels to pirates during the golden age of piracy but I need to do more research.

Recommended Reading for this week

I noticed that the whole book Elusive Pirates, Pervasive Smugglers: Violence and Clandestine Trades in the Greater China Seas show up during my reading about the Wokou so I am going to try to read that this week off of some kinda of online library or archive (or get it from my local library's inter library loan)

Previous Post

[simlicious]

I am not posting much atm, here is why

heya, I'm pretty quiet on the posting front at the moment. This has several reasons. Since this might come across as a bit whiny, feel free to skip this personal ramble.

The good stuff first: I made a pact with my best friend and now we take a long walk together every week to increase our fitness levels. It encourages me to leave the house and get some fresh air and be in nature and it feels very good! We actually did a lot more together in the last months than just the walk, so I am quite busy and also often exhausted from the activity. I have also gotten back into Anno 1800 now that the game has reached its final state, and I am fixing some old mods that are not available anymore but I cannot live without, and I am also working on some of my own mods. The reason why I am taking a break from making patterns has mainly to do with the negative feelings I developed in the last months. I have been putting off writing this post for weeks, but my feelings have not gone away and I want to address this particular issue. Tbh, I often get aggravated when viewing my dash these days. I'm not the most emotionally stable person and my self-worth comes also from external sources, like feedback for my patterns, which is not ideal, but it is what it is right now. Lately, I feel that as a creator of recolorable patterns, I am being pushed deep into a corner. I've always considered myself a niche creator, catering to patterns kinda does that! But I feel like I am becoming obsolete, now that a lot of creators only make Sims 4 conversions and are usually not fully recolorable. I also fear that more and more creators will forget/will never learn how to make clothes and objects recolorable if all they do is add non-recolorable Sims 4 presets. I consider the Create-A-Style tool to be the most important feature of TS3 (together with open worlds). It is such a unique feature, and it breaks my heart to see that not being valued as such. I feel like we should celebrate that, and I try to with my patterns, but it's just so hard to keep it up when most creators do not seem to particularly care anymore. I wish more creators would make the good old Frankenmeshes 😥 I would love to see more ts3 and ts4 frankenmesh mashups. Creators would need to learn how to turn Sims 4 textures into greyscale ones and step up their uv-mapping game a bit, and then it could be a thing... There could even be an open library of recolorable sims 4 textures and remapped meshes that all creators could contribute to. That way, creators could use them and would not need to remake every texture from scratch by themselves. Over time, that would greatly decrease the effort that would need to be put in to make new creations this way... I know that most of you follow me because you really value my patterns and use them in your games, and I know that people who play mainly with vanilla content won't have that problem at all, as 99% the EA stuff can be recolored. But it's just that I see those non-recolorable conversions everywhere on my dash, and it is so disheartening. I guess as a creator, I want to feel welcome in the TS3 creator community, and lately, I do not feel particularly seen or valued as a member of that group. Maybe my Tumblr bubble has shoved me somewhat outside of the group that I would feel more valued in? Maybe I need to adjust my dash. But I do not want to unfollow everyone who posts these conversions. They are nice in their own right, it's just that I can't handle them very well right now. How do you deal with stuff that you do not want to see? do you unfollow people, do you block tags? I've been mostly avoiding my dash, but that does not seem like a good solution. If you post gameplay pics with my patterns or are a creator that makes their stuff CAS-Tool compatible, feel free to tell me below so I can follow you. Just seeing more people use my patterns would probably lift my spirits!

[bitterfrosts]

For the shipping meme: Would you share your lanlan and songning thoughts with the class?

Ohohoho!!!! Those are my sleeper agent code words!

In my view for both of these, it’s quite a lot of “this person is the only person who understands what I’m going through”. That person is: Song Lan.

On the LanLan side: there’s quite a bit obviously to parallel. Both have lost people that they can never get back, even through reincarnation. Xiao Xingchen’s soul is so broken he removed himself from the cycle of rebirth entirely and both jiggy and nmj are trapped in that coffin so dead or alive or reanimated or what else have you, they’re gone. A huge chunk of what makes both so tragic is that aside from each other, in terms of having someone who can comfort you and knows what you’re going through? They’re alone. And for both of them at the ends of their respective stories it’s by choice!!!!! Song Lan goes off with xxc and aq’s souls and just… leaves! He could go anywhere and accompany anyone, and chose not to. There’s an interesting element of “walking off to his doom” present that makes the whole thing even worse. Lxc chooses seclusion and never comes out. This is, again, also by choice. I think from a meta standpoint, the only thing that could get him to come out is a heart to heart with Song Lan. Much as the twin jades love each other, Wangji can’t help him. I do honestly think the only way either of them could really move on is to move on together.

For SongNing, the thing that song lan understands is being a fierce corpse. And on a surface level it seems like a shallow comparison but it really isn’t. We Ning may have been initially created out of distress and wanting him back, but it does not change that before the timeskip and Wei wuxian’s character development, wen ning fills the same niche that sl filled with xy. He’s a tool. A beloved one, but a tool nonetheless. Wei Wuxian can protest much as he likes, but his actions have him used that way. There’s something very isolating about the idea that everyone you live is gone and you will outlive them not because of cultivated immortality but because you’ve been made into an abomination. You will always be permanently “othered” and ordinary people will always (somewhat justifiably) be afraid of them. Fierce corpses are dangerous! And the average person might not have the luxury of double checking to see if they’re sentient or not before having to run away. For wen ning, song lan is an opportunity for a companion that both understands him and won’t fear him.

Anyway we love parallels in this house 🥹

I’d do the questions but I’m too rambly about them also both are rarepairs so I’m not sure any option on either would have an element of “unpopular?” So yeah 🤍

[totallyredacted]

do you ever have a special interest so niche that the fan base is so small and so tight-knit that you feel like it’s a secret club you just can’t get into?

do you live in constant fear that you’re always saying or doing the wrong thing, while knowing that if one person in the community doesn’t like you, then all the others won’t either?

do the entire stakes of your joining the community depend on you dedicating your entire being to creating content for it, only for work, depression, and adhd to get in the way of ever actually doing anything?

do you confide your plans with people, only to still remain unsure if what you’re doing is right because your plans involve stealing and attempting to improve the work of a problematic ex-creator?

do you think you might have just blown all chances of ending up in the inner circle by posting something you THOUGHT was innocent but could, in certain contexts, be construed as problematic, while not knowing that was the fandom’s general opinion?

and as a horribly romantically frustrated person, have you ever had the concrete knowledge that there are only two people (both big names) in the entire community that you could even POSSIBLY be somewhat compatible with only to find out that they’ve started DATING EACH OTHER? and you’re angry not because you were necessarily into them, but you could be at some point (being demiromantic) and even so, knowing that the inner circle just got even tighter?

because that’s never happened to me. but if it had—

no but seriously someone please help me. i hate to be that person that just bitches about their problems all the time, but i just wanna be accepted. i try so hard to be as unproblematic and chill as i possibly can. it seemed so easy. but any time i do something that makes someone even SLIGHTLY uncomfortable, i feel as though my demise is coming for me fast. this is a cry for help.

i just wanna be a part of something.

please

[novelmonger]

Five Nights at Freddy's 2 - In some ways, scarier than the first one because you don't have any doors to close. But in other ways, I found it less scary because it's just so chaotic. I think this might be the one with the most animatronics you have to face? By the time you get to the last night, you don't have time to be scared. It's just a frenetic heart-pounding adrenaline rush all the way through. I'm honestly kind of amazed I beat the game at all.

The Coma - Oh wow, someone else has played this? I wasn't expecting such a small sample size to yield someone who's actually played this somewhat niche Korean horror game. Basically, you're a high school student who falls asleep in class and then is stuck in a nightmare world where your teacher (whom you have a crush on) is chasing you to kill you, and you have to hide from her in closets and bathroom stalls XD It was fun, but at times I felt like they went a little overboard with the OH NO IT'S SCARY NOW AREN'T YOU SCARED COME ON BE SCARED!!!!!

The Stanley Parable - Not at all surprised this one won! The Stanley Parable is a classic fourth-wall-breaking game where you can follow what the narrator tells you about your story, or go against what he says in dozens of different ways, and he'll react accordingly. It touches on the inherent unnerving quality of liminal spaces, which is something I like to explore.

FFXII - Definitely not my favorite Final Fantasy. I found it really hard to relate to or care about the characters, and I can't help wondering if things would have been better if they'd gone with the original plan of Basch being the main character instead of Vaan. One of the main issues I had with the story was that I found all of the characters and their relationships to be rather wishy-washy. It felt like they were trying to cover their bases, so you could ship whoever you wanted to, but they never committed to anything, so none of the relationships really ended in a satisfying place. I did end up liking the gambit system for the gameplay, though it was quite a change from the usual Final Fantasy fare. I thought an automated battle system would be boring, but it really wasn't. Plus, it was super fun to set the characters up to level-grind, leave the PS2 running overnight, and come back in the morning to find them all higher levels than before :P One downside that I remember, though, was that the dungeons and other gameplay sections were way too long in between story beats. I would cross two huge desert maps full of treasure and monsters and things, and then when I got to the end of it, I'd forget why I was even trying to get there. I blame that most on the story not being very interesting at the end of the day. (Still, there were some things about the game that ended up inspiring an original story of mine, so there's a certain fondness in my mind because of that.)

Until Dawn - Oh wow, I wasn't expecting this game to get such a high score! I was so excited to play this game, and had to wait for years until I finally got my hands on a PS4...but when I finally was able to play it, I found it a little disappointing after hyping it up to myself so much ^^' Some of the graphics are really impressive, but the uncanny valley is strong with this one. Especially after playing the Uncharted games and The Last of Us, both of which predate Until Dawn but managed more expressive and realistic facial expressions even on the PS3 :/ Also, I had the wrong impression about how Until Dawn was supposed to use your own fears and phobias against you; I thought it was going to somehow pay attention to your reactions to things as you went through the story, but literally it was just a few unimportant details that get altered because of questionnaires you answer at certain points. All the same, I enjoyed playing through the somewhat-predictable "group of teens are attacked by monsters in a cabin in the woods" story, and even went so far as to 100% the game so I could see all the different paths the story could take, and save all the kids in the end. I was also impressed with how much I ended up sympathizing even with the characters I initially found annoying. I think that has a lot to do with feeling responsible for them because your choices make a difference in the characters' fates.

Yomawari: Night Alone - Aw, I'm not surprised nobody voted for this, but I am a little sad :( It's surprisingly cute for a truly scary horror game - you play as a little girl in a Japanese town who's home alone but ventures out into the night, looking for her lost dog. Along the way, you encounter a whole bunch of monsters and ghosts and things haunting the empty town, and you have to figure out how to outsmart or appease each of them in order to survive. I found it very creepy and challenging - and also rather sad :'(

Zuma's Revenge - This game is dangerously addictive. It's a casual game (tile-matching game, I guess?) where you play as a frog who gets stranded on an island and has to fight against the...tiki gods or something? by spitting colored balls into the stream of colored balls in each level, matching the colors up before they reach the end. Each level gets harder and faster, there are bosses with various gimmicks, and it's so easy to get sucked in with the satisfying sound effects and little dopamine rushes. I remember playing this mostly through finals one year at college, because I just desperately needed something mindless but also challenging in between studying madly and scribbling reams of papers out. But I haven't gone back to it since, because I know it would consume my life ._.

The Spectrum Retreat - I played this one recently. Really interesting color-based puzzle game where you play as someone who is apparently stuck in a simulation of a hotel...possibly against your will? And you're trying to get out. There's much more to the story than that, which you have to figure out as you go along, but the focus of the game is on the puzzle sections, which reminded me somewhat of The Witness. (Unfortunately, another similarity with The Witness was that it gave me motion sickness.) Again, not surprised nobody voted for it, but if you like puzzle games, maybe you should check it out! It really makes your brain churn.

Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, Round 1.8

Welcome to the Arbitrarily-Chosen Video Game Tournament, where we will find out which of the games I've played is the best game of all time!

Why? Don't ask. Just vote and reblog!

[fishyartist]

the potential greyghost and junepei parallels i wanna draw... cant ellaborate w/o spoiling 999... if u know u might know and if u dont know go play 999. its a combo of escape room puzzles and funny/fucked up visual novel. (rated mature, cws for blood, descriptions of death+violence, suggestive themes+dialogue, drug mentions, needles, child experimentation, kidnapping) its on steam as a combo w/ its sequel virtues last reward (ALSO REALLY REALLY GOOD)

[pollenallergie]

Eddisms

The much more aptly named sequel to “Eddie-isms”

As always these hc are miscellaneous and not in any particular order. Enjoy!

best friend!Eddie masterlist

reblogs are most appreciated!! :)

taglist: @gaysludge @heavymetalbabyy @luvrsbian @munsonology @tayhar811 @stolen-in-moonlight

Eddie is so insufferably loud in every single thing he does. It’s honestly a mystery how he managed to sneak up on Chrissy because that man can be heard from miles away. He’s so heavy-footed when he walks that it rattles the trailer a little bit from time to time. Nothing about that man is deft or graceful. <3

He snores and I mean SNORES. He always has, even as a little kid. At first, his snoring scared the crap out of Wayne, but now it’s just sort of become background ambience for his uncle. Wayne almost finds it reassuring, in a way; at least Eddie’s breathing, right? <3

Despite what Dustin says, Eddie has a very short temper. Granted, it takes a lot for him to get truly angry, but it doesn’t take much at all to get him cranky. In fact, Eddie’s just as much of a mean girl as Steve. Though he lacks Harrington’s resting bitch face, he’s absolutely just as bitchy. <3

Eddie’s always been obsessed with cars, but not in the way you might think. He doesn’t really give a shit about the typical sports cars or anything like that, what he finds the most fascinating are the niche, funky-looking cars. Citicars, Firebirds, Scarabs, he loves ‘em all. He’s especially a fan of station wagons and vans, probably because those were the kind of cars your mom always drove. His favorite of all time has to be the 1948 Tasco because it combines his favorite types of cars; weird looking ones and vans. He won’t ever admit it to anyone but you and Wayne, but he also really likes pick-up trucks; specifically the old, somewhat worn ones like Wayne used to have. <3

Eddie definitely had race-car bed sheets growing up. Honestly, he still uses them in the winter because they’re a lot warmer than his usual sheets. <3

He asked Santa for a race-car bed for six years in a row. For his ninth birthday, he finally got one. Though it was a hand-me-down from your older brother, he loved it like it was brand new. <3

As kids, you and Eddie used to “rescue” (kidnap) wild turtles and beg your mom and Wayne to let you keep them. <3

When he was six, Eddie got kicked out of little league baseball for mooning the umpire. </3

Eddie doesn’t use 3-in-1 shampoo, he does something way worse. He uses Irish Spring on every square inch of his body; hair included. His scalp is practically pleading for death at this point. <3

Eddie doesn’t see the point in using lotion, so he simply doesn’t. The most he’ll do is use vaseline on his lips when they get all dry and cracked in the winter. <3

Eddie’s routine is so simplistic that it’s really not much of a routine at all and, yet, it takes him nearly an hour to get ready every morning. Does that at all make sense? No. Nothing about this man makes sense, he’s an enigma, a silly lil enigma. Well, not so much of an enigma… The reason it takes him so long to get ready is because he moves like a sloth in the morning, getting ready in 0.25x speed due to his residual sleepiness. <3

Eddie watched Zardoz and made it his entire personality for like two years. Seriously, he quoted it non-stop for two years straight. <3

Eddie has a thing about toenails. Not feet in general, just toenails. They absolutely disgust him. He gags every time he cuts his own toenails. So, yeah, Eddie’s the kinda man to chew with his mouth open and belch in your face just for shits and gigs, but cower in fear when he’s faced with a human toenail. <3

I know I already said that Eddie cries when he watches emotional movies (The Color Purple, Old Yeller, etc.), but here’s the thing about Eddie… He’ll sob like a baby while watching those movies, sure, but while he’s actively sobbing he’s also making fun of you for doing the exact same thing. He’s like “You’re such a crybaby. *sniffle* It’s not even that sad. *sniffle, sniffle* God, who cries during the happy parts of movies?? *sob*” <3

Eddie used to steal your clothes so much that eventually you just cleared out a drawer in your dresser and filled it with clothes that you were willing to share with him. Of course, your clothes are too big for such a lithe lil stringbean like Eddie, but he still loves wearing them. You don’t mind much, though, because you get to reap the benefit of your comfiest t-shirts and sweatpants smelling like Eddie. <3

In direct response to you making a drawer for him in your dresser, Eddie went out, bought a bunch of comfy clothes in your size from Goodwill, and filled a drawer of his dresser with them, that way you’d both have drawers of shareable clothes at your respective homes. <3

One time Eddie walked into the living room wearing a baby pink t-shirt with some CareBears and a vibrant rainbow printed on the front, and Wayne almost keeled over from laughing so hard. His amusement was doubled when he noticed the matching pastel scrunchie in his nephew’s hair, something Eddie had also “borrowed” from you. <3

Eddie’s weirdly into soap operas, especially Dynasty. The man loves Dynasty. However, he’ll only watch soap operas when he’s high because he thinks it makes for a better viewing experience. <3

Eddie never wears boxers underneath his sweatpants nor under his pajama pants. Why? Because he’s a whore. Because he firmly believes that you should only wear underwear with uncomfy pants (for example, jeans) and that cozy pants do not warrant underwear; it’s just a waste of good, clean boxers to wear them beneath sweatpants and pajama pants. <3

All of Eddie’s shirts are either just a bit too tight or entirely too big for him. This man does not know his real shirt size. <3

Eddie does not wash his feet when he showers. He also rarely washes his arms or legs. He feels that you really only need to wash the “essential” parts when you shower; the essential parts being his armpits and naughty bits. <3

Eddie once got you a purse for your birthday… sort of. Really he just haphazardly sewed one of the straps from his backpack onto an old, cloth sack and painted the words “Miguel Cores” on the front of it. It actually works really well as a reusable grocery bag for all of your nonperishables. <3

Eddie’s right eye gets all twitchy after sleepless nights. The boys always see it and think that he’s pissed off about something, but really the sweet man just needs his rest. <3

Eddie sucks at holding grudges. I’m not kidding, the man is genuinely horrible at holding grudges, mostly because he often forgets about whatever has happened within a few days; his anger vanishing along with the memory of what’s transpired. Case in point, you both had a severe falling out during the summer before your freshman year, which ended up in the two of you being at odds for two whole years. Or, rather, it ended up in you being mad at him for nearly two years. Eddie, however, consistently kept forgetting that you were mad at him during that time. In fact, he would often approach you in the halls of Hawkin’s High so that he could banter with you like he had in middle school, only to be reminded of your steadfast dislike of him by your short responses, refusal to meet his gaze, tense posture, and clipped tone. </3

He chews his gum like a cow munches on grass, just annoyingly loud and with his lips constantly smacking together. <3

Eddie’s fancy, old-fashioned silver lighter -the only good thing he ever got from his shitty old man- also doubles as his preferred fidget toy. The man always needs to have something to do with his hands. <3

He’s a wizard with some sidewalk chalk. It used to drive you crazy as a kid because he would always do these really detailed drawings with the crumbly chalk that your mom got from the dollar store, meanwhile you were always just stuck writing your name or drawing hearts and stick figures. <3

At 10 years old, Eddie invented his own language while cooped up in the back seat of his uncle’s car on an annoyingly long summer road trip to Myrtle Beach. He hasn’t taught the language to anyone, not even to you, but sometimes you’ll hear him mumble things to himself in his strange tongue. You, Wayne, and your mom have picked up on the meanings behind certain words and phrases over the years, simply because he uses them so frequently, but other than that, it’s mostly gibberish to the three of you. <3

Eddie spent a solid two months trying to convince his elementary school crush that he was, in fact, Mick Jagger. He even nailed the Mockney accent from listening to his radio interviews. Unfortunately, they weren’t buying it. <3

Eddie refuses to touch you when/if you’re wearing anything made out of velvet simply because the feeling of velvet makes his skin crawl. So, no hugs, no playful wrestling, and absolutely no cuddles while you’re wearing velvet. <3

In the summer of ‘85, Eddie won a goldfish at one of the carnival games at the local fair and named him Tater Tot, but he knew that he couldn’t afford all the stuff the little guy needed to stay alive, so he gave him away to some little girl that had been trying to win one of her own for nearly an hour. <3

Let’s be real here for a second: Eddie’s not straight. Actually, due to a lack of terminology available to him, Eddie doesn’t really know what he is. He knows that he likes women, he knows that he likes men, and he knows that he likes people who are neither women nor men, but, given that it’s the 80s and he lives in rural Indiana, he’s not really sure if there’s a word for that. Truthfully, he’s not really sure if anyone else in the world even feels the same way that he does. Obviously, there are tons of people out there with the same sexual orientation as him, but, fuck, he doesn’t know that. When he was much, much younger he felt incredibly isolated and insecure about his sexuality, but as he’s grown up he’s become less unsure of himself and more accepting of his sexual orientation. Of course, he still likes to keep a low profile, at least when it comes to his sexuality, because, as I said, it is the 80s and he does, indeed, live in rural Indiana. However, he’s at least become confident enough to come out to his closest friends and family. Hence, the rainbow mug in the Munsons’ famous mug collection. <3

Eddie’s a crafty lil goblin, he loves to craft. Papier-mâché, fuck yeah. Hot glue, hell fuckin’ yeah. In fact, many of the props in the theatre room were crafted by Eddie during his time at Hawkins High. Even after he stopped doing theatre, he still always volunteered to help the drama club set up for their performances and craft their props. <3

“But why did he quit theatre?” one may ask. Well, there was the Great Egg Incident of ‘82, in which a bunch of upperclassmen (mostly jocks) literally threw eggs at the drama club during their spring production of Guys and Dolls. More specifically, their onslaught began right as Eddie began uttering his most iconic line in the show, “Nicely, nicely, thank you,” so Eddie, understandably, took that pretty personally. As a result, he left the drama club at the end of sophomore year and, instead, opted to focus all of his creative energy on the hellfire club. </3

You and Eddie took the same art class senior year and it was honestly one of the only classes he passed that year. Every Friday, you guys had to turn in a weekly sketch for that class and his favorite one that he’d done was of you; he’d drawn it while you were working on homework together at the picnic table near his trailer. At the end of the year, he’d asked the teacher for it back so that he could keep it. <3

Eddie’s a massive worrywart when it comes to the people he loves, that’s especially true when it comes to you. <3

Eddie once risked further social ostracism to help you take the little kids you babysit to Build-A-Bear when Starcourt Mall first opened up. In the end, you rewarded him by making him a stuffed animal of his own, a spotted dog named Ozzy who’s adorned in the most metal (or metal-adjacent) outfit Build-A-Bear had to offer. Perhaps that shouldn’t have been so rewarding for a 19 year old guy, but 1) he’d never really had many toys growing up, at least none quite as nice and soft as Ozzy the Dog, and 2) watching you kiss the little cloth heart before gently stuffing it inside the toy did funny little things to his supposedly cynical heart. He’ll never admit it, but he sleeps with that stuffed dog far more than a guy his age probably should. <3

Although Eddie never makes his own bed, he’ll gladly help you make yours because he knows that fitted sheets are the bane of your existence. <3

[theresattrpgforthat]

(possibly too specific) but any games where you’re able to play something akin to a D&D mindflayer? looking to steal brains and create thralls

Alright friend, nothing's a direct match but here's what I got. There seems to be a connection between Caltrop Core and these kinds of monster games, as I found three that use this system!

Locum Tendons, by Elijah Raine Plant the seeds of deceit, harvest the flesh.  Locum Tendons, a butchering of the Latin phrase locum tenens, meaning "to substitute for," is a role-playing game about one or more doppelgangers infiltrating an adventuring party and systemically consuming them. You, the players, will take on the role of monsters while your GM takes the role of the party members you'll be massacring.  

This is a one-page game with two stats: Deception and Consumption. It's based off of Caltrop Core, so you'll only need d4s. You'll be working to increase fear levels of your final victim so that your last meal is deliciously terrifying. Not exactly mind-flayers, but the devouring of adventurers might fill some of that niche. No Sacrifice Without Blood, by hyphenartist.

Vampire, werewolf, troll, ker, chupacabra — the names are as subtle and subjective as they are distinct and seemingly endless. Your life among the Hungry has been complicated and painful. It has cost you much, and yet it has also been undeniably rewarding. You have been hurt, but you have also hurt others. You are a Predator, and that sort of thing is to be expected.

No Sacrifice Without Blood is a modern gothic tabletop roleplaying game about the lives of immortal, cannibalistic beings called Predators. It uses a deck of cards to play out your attempts to sate your Hunger, with powers that may dwindle along the way. The Predators of this game are up for interpretation. You can choose something classic, like a Vampire, or something specific, like the Mindflayer you're looking for! However, the game focuses mostly on the themes of making sacrifices for power. You might very well steal brains but you'll be confronted with the cost.

Fever Pitch, by Liam McCrickard / Tomahawkbunny.

Enter a world of Curses and blood, of haunted forests and ruined streets. A band of Outcasts with strange abilities despised by the mundane, the faithful, and the arcane alike band together to face the Cursed creatures of the world while finding their own paths.

Another Caltrop Core game, this time focusing on the monstrosity of not belonging. You'll face off against foes, wrestling with Curses and unlocking your powers the closer and closer you get to death.

There are a few playbooks within this game that might get you the mindflayer vibe you're looking for, like The Drinker, who must feast on others to grow, or the Hive, which strives to add more useful branches to their network. The themes of this game seem to resonate somewhat with the idea of pursuing revenge even at the edge of despair. B.B.E.G., by Maps N' Quests.

So, you’re the bad guy... 

Or, in this case, you might be a group of them. You’re the villains of this story. You’re not that different from the heroes you fight against, really. If they really thought about it, they’d probably see that they have a lot in common with you. Why won’t those heroes ever just consider those things, right? Regardless of their reasoning, or yours, you have a vision of what you think things should be like, and you’re going to make it so. You’ll fight against those heroes in whatever way you need to, so you can make things the way you want them to be. See, there’s a similarity already. Maybe, just maybe, if you can’t beat the heroes, you can convince them to join you.

With flexible archetypes and stripped-down rules, you can flavour this to make your villains any monster you want. You can choose to fight the heroes if you like - but you can also try to convince the heroes to see things from your point of view, if you like. If all else fails, I'm sure you can find some way to steal their brains...

They Feed on Fear, by Alexei Vella

THEY FEED ON FEAR: A Horror RPG is a stand-alone RPG system that allows the players to create and take control of Fear-Eaters, horrific inter-dimensional beings that sustain themselves by devouring the Fear/Essence of their victims. Players name their Fear-Eater and create their appearance, behaviour, background, and mythology. The players must then stalk their way through the world outlined by the game master, called the Provider. The Fear-Eater's goal is to sow discord, fear, and horror, all while avoiding the feeble attempts to end their rampaging unquenchable feast.

You build your mythology in this game, so if you want to give your characters distinct Mindflayer vibes that seems pretty doable. You'll be descending on a town to feed yourselves, increasing the panic of the local townspeople until you've accumulated the Essence you need to move on to the next stage - whether that be Hibernation, Ascendancy, or something else.

[adobe-outdesign]

Oh, Wooloo. I am so conflicted over you. On the one hand, it’s adorable, and I love it’s little rectangle pupils and how round it is. The design is also easy to read and free of clutter.

On the other hand, however... it is just A Sheep. Not even in the sense that it’s mostly a sheep; it is, quite literally, a 1:1 cartoon sheep. I can’t help but feel like like a Pokemon design needs something to make it distinct. At least do the Gen 1 thing and slap a horn in the middle of the forehead or something.

(You could argue the way it rolls around is something, but I generally feel like if the most interesting part of the concept is something that's visible solely in the animation and not the flat design, something went wrong.)

Of course, while there are things you could do to visually spruce up Wooloo or ways you could add a theme to it, one could also argue it’s not Wooloo’s fault. Sometimes a Pokemon has to start off bland before it becomes interesting later on, and if Wooloo had a better evolution, it might be perfect as-is.

There were some really interesting ideas being tossed around during SWSH’s reveal, for example. One idea was a wolf in sheep’s clothing kind of thing, which I like--though granted, I’m not sure if that saying even exists in Japanese. Then there’s this design, which is my personal fav take on it:

Granted, you might need to make the line a three-stager for this design, but I love how it goes from a fearful prey animal to a fierce warrior, and it plays on the one thing Wooloo has that's somewhat unique--the braids--and integrates them both visually and thematically. If this was Wooloo's evolution, Wooloo would be perfect as-is. Unfortunately...

Yeah, I'm not huge on Dubwool.

I mean for starters, it's just a Jacob sheep, right down to the iconic pie-balding and the four horns:

And I want to make this clear: I am not saying a straightforward, sheep-like evolution is inherently (especially because the somewhat similar Mareep line ends up distinctly Not Really A Sheep at the end, and while I love Ampharos, I can get why people might want a more normal sheep). Rather, I'm saying that the lack of anything unique makes the entire line really underwhelming.

I've heard some argue it has a soccer (or football, seeing as we're in England in this game) theme, but if that's what they were going for it needed to be much more overt because honestly I'm not even sure if it was intentional or not.

But my other main problem with Dubwool that isn't related to the plain-ness is that it doesn't... really look great, visually. First, it isn't as cute as Wooloo, but it's not interesting visually either. It doesn't really have its own niche to make people appreciate it, you know?

But secondly, and more importantly, Dubwool is a weird mishmash of styles. The body is very similar to the cartoony, round body of Wooloo, but the head and legs are sudden much more realistic, in a way that clashes with the body. Make the torso more realistic or make the entire thing more cartoony, I don't care, but keep it consistent.

And there are just a few other things that bug me. Like, why give it the Jacob sheep-style four horns, which are very cool, and then bury half of them in wool? Why is the extra wool around the neck such a dark grey, and what's up with the random leaf-like points at the bottom of it? And what's up with that barely noticeable grey eyebrow above the eye?

I mean, it's not terrible--if you really like Wooloo, this at least preserves some of the elements from it (like the lovely ungulate-style eye), and it doesn't go off in weird directions that would alienate Wooloo fans. But at the end of the day, Dubwool just feels like a waste of potential, and not a terribly well-designed waste of potential at that.

So overall: Wooloo is adorable and the design is very simple and pleasant, but it's awfully plain. This is only amplified by Dubwool, which adds nothing thematically or visually while just looking worse overall than Wooloo. If you like sheep you'll like this line fine, but it's simply too underwhelming to really do much for me. I will still protect Wooloo with my life, however.

[sixstepsaway]

a few Takes™ i have seen lately which have been living rent free like rats in my brain and i need to pass comment on in the safety of my blog.

notes before i begin: all takes are paraphrased from what i remember, so i might have messed it up somewhat, but it also means you can't word search it, which is good. cw for domestic violence mentions (Ed's parents)

let's go

the kraken isn't a rejection/heartbreak response, it's a threat response!

Nghhhhhh okay sure okay yes I can somewhat see this one, although I think the fact it took Ed like 8 hours of Contemplation™ to come to the conclusion he wanted to go fucking evil means that's a little off base but-- okay, whatever

proof it's a threat response is when he killed his father! he did that in self-defense!

*deep inhale* *deep exhale* *places palms together* *points fingertips towards you*

No. (but also, the real reason is better, why would you want it to be this?)

The show is very, very good at showing us what we need to see to understand the context of situations. Let me... dig into that a little more to explain:

When we first see Ed's father's death, we see the Kraken rise from the waves, terrifying the small boy Ed was, to strangle his father to death on the docks.

What this story and perception of the event tells us is that Ed sees the Kraken as an unleashed, furious monster. You don't reimagine something like this, to disassociate from it, as a monster because you think whoever did it was good.

There is a reason why when people's PTSD creates a make believe shade that attacked them it tends to be a monster. Turning aggressors and attackers and those who hurt you into a monster makes your fear feel more justified and easier to handle.

This also shows us that he feels... not super great about what he did to his father? He went straight for the nuclear option, as I've seen a few people describe his tendencies, and maybe, just maybe, there were other paths he could have tried to take. But he sees his father's murderer - him - as a monster.

He even sees the murder as something done on a dark and stormy night, something violent and terrifying. This tells us so much.

Later, when we see the real story, we're shown what actually happened, and the real truth is honestly better than it being self-defense?

We are never shown, not once, Ed's father laying hands on Ed. We see him make Ed flinch and cry, sure, but that doesn't mean he's laid hands on him (I imagine he likely did? But that is conjecture). What we're actually shown is that he hits Ed's mother.

The framing of the whole scene and even the camera work is incredibly specific. If you don't already know - which you might not! It's a somewhat niche thing to know about - the way that cameras are used is directly to evoke certain feelings and emotions.

For example, in Jane the Virgin, when Jane is terrified of the hotel corridor her husband was shot in, she steps out of the elevator and the camera follows her from right behind. We are crowded into the back of her neck, following her closely in her discomfort. Not only does this make her feel very claustrophobic, but it makes us feel what she's feeling: threat. Dread. Panic.

When she steps out into the corridor, the camera pulls out all the way. It's all negative space around her, hammering home how alone she is in that corridor.

(This is actually something I noticed is used a lot in The Punisher, too (at least in season 1). The camera angles are all designed to add negative space around the characters, making them feel isolated and alone in every shot. Except for when they are not - for example when Frank and Karen are together, or further through the show when Frank and Micro are, because they've become friends.)

To come back to OFMD, here is how those scenes are framed:

Young Ed is put very specifically between his abusive father and his victimized mother. He's between them as his father yells, and he flinches when he throws the plate but his father doesn't hit him, with the plate or with his hands.

Again: don't misunderstand. I'm sure his father did hit him, it seems likely! But if the show wanted that to be our takeaway here, either he would have been hitting him in this scene, or he'd have bruises in this scene, or there'd be some other way it was implied/told to us.

Instead, what we're shown is that his father hurts his mother. We're shown it very, very deliberately from Ed's point of view. We see it through his facial expressions, we see it through the shadows on the wall, rather than a cut to the actual strike.

We are shown from a wide angle, which shows you how isolated and separated from one another they are, and they position Ed between them, caught in the middle. Ed watching his father abuse his mother before storming out and leaving. And then we're shown Ed making the decision to turn into the Kraken. It's all over his face.

(And, sure, we could argue the scene is framed similarly to 1x10 and maybe he Krakens because of Izzy reminding him of his abusive father, but I don't think that's right either, and again that's because of the framing of that scene. Ed is the violent one in that scene, and the positioning of the camera and the feeling of isolation. I would posit that we're meant to see Ed ultimately more like his father in that scene, especially since he sees himself as a monster.)

Ed makes the decision not out of self-defense but out of the desire to protect his mother. He watched his father victimize her again and he decided, "No more," and took matters into his own hands.

The Kraken is his going nuclear response, and it has very little to do with what triggers it and more to do with becoming something else to handle the situation he's in.

When Ed goes Kraken in 1x10, it's to handle the situation, which is brought to his attention by Izzy's shitfit. I do think that part of what Izzy said did chime as a threat, and did concern him greatly, but I think what the core of that scene ended up being was that Izzy made him realize what he'd become, and he chose to turn against it and become something else, to go back to a heartless monster.

Most people when they go through something like grief or heartbreak don't realize quite what they are becoming until someone else points out how much ice cream they've eaten and how their house is getting rats and how they haven't showered for a month. And then they react to that by pulling themselves out of that mess.

Ed thought he was out of the mess when he was cleaning up, but he was still in the robe, still acting very unlike a pirate, and definitely unlike Blackbeard. Izzy brings to his attention that he's allowed his heartbreak to change who he is. That is the main reaction he has, in my opinion. He hears the crew not just chanting for Ed ("I want to be called Ed now, actually") but chanting for Eddie, and it sounds almost mocking.

He isn't the dreaded pirate Blackbeard, he isn't the scary Edward Teach, he isn't a captain, he isn't even Ed. He's Eddie to these people. He's lost all authority, all respect, and he's suddenly made aware of that and reacts accordingly.

If it was only Izzy he was truly reacting to, he would not have thrown Lucius overboard and marooned the crew.

Which brings us to...

marooning the crew was actually to protect them from izzy

No, seriously, what?

They were dead. If Stede hadn't found them via magical rowboat gaydar they would be dead. Lucius is, until proven otherwise, dead. This was in no way an attempt to "protect" the crew from scary Izzy, not only because Izzy hadn't threatened the crew at all (only Ed!) but because, hi, yes, hello, they managed to overthrow him singlehandedly without Ed around, and were about to toss him overboard when Ed returned. Ed knows full well they can handle themselves against Izzy. Izzy is absolutely no threat to the crew at all.

tl;dr

Ed became who he is out of a desire to protect his mother, and it all spiralled from there via nuclear option and a big heap of trauma and PTSD. It's very fair to argue that in the future the Kraken is likely to only come out when someone he cares about (Stede for example) is actively threatened!

But arguing that he killed his father in self-defense, rather than in cold blood and a premeditated manner, to protect his mother, is blatantly untrue.

And pretending the atrocities he committed in 1x10 were a kindness?

Is just objectively incorrect.

If he was trying to protect them he would have marooned them himself (or sent Fang or Ivan to do it) with food and water and shelter. Or taken them to a port. Or put them in a magic dinghy. Or thrown Izzy to the sharks.

He slammed Izzy into that wall and could have instantly taken him elsewhere and dealt with him. He could have woken him with a hand over his mouth, wrestled him out of his room and dealt with him then. He didn't.

Marooning the crew wasn't a fucking act of protection, it was an act of premeditated attempted murder.

Pretending Ed is A Perfectly Good Guy, Actually, Who Would Never Hurt A Fly is counter to everything the show is telling us, counter to the depths of the character we have been given and love so much, and counter to the entire narrative.

okay i'm done

[featheredcritter]

TALK TO ME ABOUT NICK MY DEARLY BELOVED MUTUAL

O_O oh hiii!! i shall put this under a read more because uh. it got long

Honestly one of the things I like to think\explore the most about Nick (but this goes for his whole species I suppose) is how different the world appears to him. He's a little guy, a prey animal, so the way he sees\interacts with the world is just so fundamentally different to a human. He might seem silly or unnecessary jumpy but for him even little things have a different impact on him, like the way a person moves, or how he can never be comfortable in a fully open room with no hides, or how he might "suddenly" or “for no reason” freak out, but instead something that might seem meaningless or insignificant to a human had startled him. Like everything can be so incredibly overwhelming in his pov!!!.

Even when perfectly safe and indoors he can’t help but look around and upwards constantly because his subconscious is always seeing invisible owls circling him, or how even in said safe and comfortable environment, he will still place himself in a way he can easily hide or escape if necessary. I even think his natural fear of humans still plays tricks on him sometimes, at which point it gets frustrating for Nick, because when he learns that humans are not bloodthirsty monsters he doesn't want to jump and be startled by their presence, plus the fact they have such different body language....yeah. Like you can't just look him in the eyes for too long or approach him confidently and directly or give him a toothy grin, especially when humans are so big to him, it freaks him out!!! but this feels like an easier thing to get around with just some clarifications and accommodations.

He does not have self esteem issues (if anything he's very proud of himself and his kind) but he is not confident, in the way he will hesitate to approach something he doesn't know or try new things even as a naturally curious person, because anything can mean danger to him, and he doesn't have the luxury of confidence that a human can have, like how some people will just pick up animals and shit and explore, He Can't Do That, in fact he thinks humans are out of their minds for their seemingly absence of self preservation instinct (untrue, especially considering the setting, but for Nick it still seems like that). Humans are confident!! They are tall and at the top, they don't have anything to fear, but Nick is at the bottom, he is jumpy and held back and cautious. (this also changes with the fact that humans in hl have very much LOTS to worry about between the combine and so on, they absolutely do not have all the freedom and laid back lives that Nick always thought they had, but the difference in…niche? is that a fair word to use? still makes this somewhat true).

I don't want to attribute all of this to Instinct, Nick is a pretty anxious man, but when you're in that position in nature you have to be full of natural phobias to keep yourself alive.Like I feel like I'm just rambling and struggling to convey what I mean but yeah T_T.

Or also i reaaally like to think about how he lives through the hl world. Like observing, studying and surviving alien wildlife, or scavenging an old, abandoned and infested building, or watching combine soldiers sweep the forest or being forced to listen to some rebels talk late at night because the place he wanted to take supplies from is still occupied. Like be them mundane or big things, just how he copes with the world he is in. And how he’s kinda ignorant of it too, he knows something happened, he knows the environment is not as healthy as it used to be, he watched species disappear before his eyes and lakes of toxic waste pool up around, he knows the humans are in a  vicious war, but other than that? no clue, he doesn’t know just how massive and critical the situation is, how global. His life is far from easy and safe, but at the same time it all seems so small to the magnitude of what’s going on on earth, he really is just a simple survivor having to face immense cosmic horrors that, at least before being explained everything, were far beyond his comprehension.