#I explained I don’t have any other pants that fit rn and she said it was fine if I needed some time to shop or had to wait for next payday

[microsuedemouse]

I have been wearing my altered jeans at work for like two months without a single word from management - and, in point of fact, with numerous compliments from customers, coworkers, and supervisors - but apparently I’m not allowed to anymore? because I guess yesterday someone from corporate saw them and told my manager they weren’t acceptable for work? my trousers have to be a single solid colour (specifically black or dark blue). I need outta this place so bad lmao

[fa-headhoncho]

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 3

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt/Background: After turning yourself in to the government following the events of CA:TWS, they lock you up for the crimes you committed during your time at Hydra. Spending years there until Captain America got you on parole during the blip to help fight Thanos. Now, after doing community service acts and helping the broken society, when they give the new Captain America the shield, you’re thrown back into a life you didn’t want.

Word Count: 2058

Reader: Female

Warning: parole officers? canon level violence, john walker

Author’s Note: im being lazy and not writing rn but i have a stock pile of fics so get ready for shitty posts :p

Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

=====

Once you get onto the plane, you don’t hold back your emotions. The fight was enough but how Walker talked to Sam and Bucky on the car ride over sent you over the edge. You had to admit, the kid had good intentions but there was something about him that was off.

You don’t even wait for his private jet to lift off before turning to him and pinning him against the nearest wall. Your forearm was laying across his chest while the other was hovering over the knife clipped onto your hip. His managers and friend stand up, rushing to try to pry you off of him but he raises a hand to stop them. “Who the hell do you think you fucking are, huh?”

“Captain America.” He simply responds, looking at down you with a cocky smile. You let out a scoff, the audacity of this man. “Look, I didn’t know that you knew them.”

“Yes, you did.” You exclaim while your forearm digs into his chest, “You read my parole reports, it shows where I spend my time and who I talk to, Bucky and Sam being the main two who I interact with. They’re my friends and you’re using me as a pawn. Steve wouldn’t have done that, Captain America wouldn’t have done that.”

“You talk about looking up to him but you’re nothing like him. You throw around ‘brother’ like it means nothing, you have no idea what those two have gone through with Steve. You hold the shield like it’s a toy and using it to get what you want.” Your voice is menacing low and you knew if you still had your parole officer that he would be scolding you for it.

“Captain America stood up for the little guys but you’re just using it as a title, abusing it to act like the hero you tried to be before. You’re a fucking joke.” You release him and walk away. The air in the room felt tense as you plop down on the chair closest to the exit, furthest away from his management team who didn’t know what just happened.

“If you think I’m going to stand by your side after how you just treated my friends, you’re dead fucking wrong.” You shake your head and lean forward in your seat.

He lets out a chuckle, taking a step towards you with his hands fisted by his side. “You’re going to help me if I say you are. I say the words and you’re locked back in the goddamn cell where you belong. Remember who brought you here in the first place.”

“Hey, John, calm down.” Hoskins finally buds in. Walker scoffs and shakes his head, following him to join the rest of their team.

You shift your eyes to the floor, knowing he’s right. The power the government is giving their new Captain is a desperate attempt to give hope to those after the Blip. It’s going straight to his head and you knew it was going to get worse in the long run.

The rest of the flight is awkward. The tension never settling even if Walker acts like nothing just happened. Hoskins was keeping a close eye on you like you were going to bounce back to your Hydra days and take out everyone on the plane. To be fair, you wanted to but you weren’t stupid and you didn’t want to give him another reason to send you back.

Once the plane touches down, you’re out the door. The group was barely out of the seats before they could see you disappear into the airport. Haling a cab and taking it back to the apartment they were renting for you, changing out of your gear and plopping down onto the bed.

The events of the day finally collapse down onto you. This situation was going to be a lot harder than you originally thought. Walker explained it as just one mission to see where the Flag Smashers were taking the stolen vaccines and you would be on your way. “Free at last” to use his words but now you were roped in for the long haul.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the look of betrayal on Bucky’s face either. He had confided in you about how he felt about the new Captain and how lost he felt. If Steve wasn’t right about Sam then what the hell was wrong with Bucky?

Before you realize it, tears were streaming down your cheeks. You knew it was too early to try to reach out to them so you decide to give them time. They were still processing their interactions with the new Captain and the new information about the Flag Smashers being super-soldiers.

If you were going to have to work with Walker, you were going to have to figure out a plan. Racking your brain for ideas, one comes to mind that would be risky. It would be worth it, though. Staring up at the ceiling, you start strategizing a way you could pull this off. You were one of Hydra’s best agents so hopefully, this would be easy. After going against your original thought and shooting Sam a quick text, you slowly drift off asleep.

=====

Your leg bounces under the table as you stare at the clock above the door. It was half-past seven and the breakfast rush was winding down. The diner was slowly emptying, leaving a hand full of tables with families and friends enjoying their meal. The waitress comes up to your booth, standing there until you notice her.

“Ready to order yet, hun’?” The nice older lady questions, breaking your gaze from the entrance to her. You shake your head no before turning back to the door. She gives you a sad smile before looking down at her watch, “It’s been almost twenty minutes, sweetie, are you sure your friends are still coming?”

You nod quickly, no matter what kind of circumstances the two soldiers would never stand you up. Their hearts were too kind for that. “I was just a bit early, I’m kind of nervous.” You shyly admit, sending her a smile.

“Well, I’m bringing you something to eat at least,” She commands, you open your mouth to reject but she cuts you off, “on the house.” She gives you a firm look before walking off to the back.

Right as she disappears into the kitchen, the bell of the diner dings. Your head snaps to it and you can’t help the large smile that appears on your face at the sight of the duo walking in. The two immediately see you since you placed yourself right near the door.

Sam sends you back a smile while Bucky just eyes you down. You were wearing a simple sweater and pants while they were in their usual civilian gear, a ballcap and jacket. You couldn’t help but ogle at how good Bucky looked in the blue Hently you two bought when he first came to Brooklyn.

They slip into the booth, their broad figures barely fitting on the small seat. Sam elbows Bucky as he tries to get comfortable but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Morning.” You try to make conversation. “How was the rest of your day yesterday?”

“He got arrested.” Sam bluntly says making your jaw drop. “He missed his check-in with the shrink.”

“I told you not to tell her.” Bucky makes out through clenched teeth, he just shrugs in response. You go to scold him but he holds a steady hand out, “You can yell at me all you want later, what do you want? We don’t have much time.” Your heart drops with how aggressive he’s being towards you.

“I want to help you.” You announce, ignoring Bucky’s eye roll as he remembers who you’re working with. He goes to tell you off just like he told Walker but you start rambling before he could utter a word, “I know it’s not the ideal situation but Walker wants me on his team. If I could earn his trust and figure out what their plans are, I can report back to you two.”

“And how do we not know this is a setup?” Sam points out, leaning forward on the table as Bucky looks around the diner for any sign of said Captain America, “They could be listening right now, they still have you under lock and key.”

You gleam at the mention of that, realizing that you haven’t told them the good news. “Not anymore.” You extend your leg out from under the table for Bucky to see your naked ankle. “Walker pulled some strings to get me off my parole earlier.”

A look of realization comes across Sam’s face once he pieces everything together. He knew how mad you were about the new Captain America, how you helped him and Bucky against the Smashers instead of the other two, and how you didn’t know anything about Bucky getting arrested made sense.

“So, you made a deal with the devil.” Bucky snarkily questions, a look of disappointment on his face.

You let out a scoff at his words, “I did what I had to do, James. Not all of us were lucky enough to get pardoned.” You spit back, tired of how he was acting. “He tricked me, told me it was just one simple favor to repay him. Now, he wants me to be a part of his team to take down the Flag Smashers. Told me if I didn’t help that he would send me back to jail and it would reset everything I had accomplished in the last five years.”

Bucky’s eyes soften at your confession, hanging his head in embarrassment at his assumptions. The waitress comes up and sets the small plate of food down in front of you, giving an awkward smile to the boys before walking off.

You let out a sigh, feeling bad for yelling at him. He was being a dick but that didn’t mean you had to be one back to him. He was going through a lot and this was the last thing he needed.

Grabbing the fork, you stare down at the pancakes. “You don’t have to forgive me or anything but just understand where I’m coming from, please.”

They share a look as they silently communicate. Bucky narrows his eyes and Sam tilts his head at him. You look between them as you try to figure out what’s going on.

“I can’t read your mind, cyborg. Use your words.” Sam finally spits out then elbows him one more time, “Will you please scoot over? I’m suffocating over here!”

Bucky sighs and rolls his eyes at his friend. He gets up out of the booth and slips in next to you, using his larger form to push you closer to the window. Your eyes widen in surprise as he slings his arm to rest behind your head. He then takes the extra fork and stabs it into your hashbrowns.

Sam lets out an awe as he watches the two of you eat from your plate, “Don’t you two look so cute.”

“Shut up, Sam.” You both demand at the same time. He raises his hands up in defense, leaning back in the booth with a smug smile on his face. The two of you easily fall into conversation, catching up on things and giggling at the little jokes he was making. Suddenly, after a few moments of silence as the two of you enjoy the meal, you remember what Sam mentioned earlier.

Bucky lets out a little yelp when you send a swift smack to the back of his head, making the hashbrowns he was about to eat fall off his fork. “What the hell was that for?”

“For getting arrested, are you kidding me, James? Do you know what could’ve happened to you? I swear to God, James Buchanan Barnes, you will be the death of me—“ You continue to scold while Sam lets out a booming laugh. Mad at him for being so careless, you poke and prod at his chest but stop when you notice the expression on his face. Your heart can’t handle the way he pulls out his puppy dog eyes and his pouted lip. “Oh, don’t pull that shit with me.”

_____

untitled tfawts fic: @crowleysqueenofhell @mischiefmanaged71 @thewinterrbucky @lizajane3 @ahahafudge @spookycereal-s @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kittengirl998 @ sebby-staan

[pixie-cocaine]

ATEEZ reaction to: The members seeing their s.o. half-naked

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A/N: As you can see, this was requested by a lovely Anon. And I don’t get too many asks often so like, I feel like a goddess rn. The fact that they came to ME of all people to write this is just- *sobs*. Anyways I hope you enjoy!!

Songs listened to: Italy - Reyn Hartley, WONDERLAND - ATEEZ, Say So - Doja Cat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(This is kinda mature so read at your own risk!)

Hongjoong ♡:

• Came through the door with a goofy ass grin on but as soon as he saw you, it’d drop almost immediately and he’d make a surprised Pikachu face

• Seeing you on the couch with your limbs sprawled out, half of your stomach peeking beneath your Mickey mouse shirt and seamless turquoise panties hugging the curves of your body, had him slightly panicking

• Would not-so-subtly tell the guys to turn around or close their eyes once they all rounded the corner

• “I’m gonna need you to turn around real quick”

• “Why?”

• “Because I said so”

• Would go and pick you up, then carry you to the bed

• You’d probably wake up in the process

• “Baby? What are you doing?”

• “Making sure they don’t see this beautiful body when it’s barely covered”

• Would smack your ass before going back to the boys jduswhwhdu-

Seonghwa ♡:

•dis kinda tricky

• I feel like Hwa’s reaction could be either greedy(?) Or cocky depending on his mood. man idk

• If he was feeling a bit looser and saw you in just one of his hoodies and tight-fitted green boyshorts with the boys around, he’d be a little teasy?? Idk how to put it

• Like, he opens the door and sees you with one leg flung over the back of couch, displaying the outline of your *cat whistle*, and a hoodie barely covering your midsection with how it’s folding over at your arms, right?

• And if he’s playful, he would pay little mind to the boys; walking over to you before nudging you awake then sitting you up in front of him, leaning into your ear to whisper

• “Baby, go sleep in the room. The boys are gonna be here for a bit”

• and with your half-awoken ass, you’d stumble towards the bedroom, barely acknowledging the wide eyes of the boys and too tired to really give a shit even if your ass is halfway out

• and when Hwa would turn back to address the stares, he’d be like “She’s mine. Don’t forget that” ahshveusdygs

• But if he was his still his usual protective self, he’d rush to throw a blanket over your body and usher you out of sight lmaooooo

• “Shit, shit, shit, shit”

• idk man, Hwa seems like he’d be into voyeurism oop-

Yunho ♡:

• B-babyyyy 🥺

• A scared baby

• literally might call the whole thing off because he wants to save both of you from the awkwardness and embarrassment that is to come

• froze up when he saw you in your weird ass sleeping position; butt up in the air, baby pink lace panties leaving barely anything to imagination, and baggy white T-shirt slipping down the expanse of your back as you curled your head further into the arm of the couch

• wished he was fuckin dead for .00092 seconds

• felt really weird knowing that the others were staring at you, so as soon as he scooped up his messy thoughts, he yeeted your ass over his shoulder and ran out the room

• almost had a mental breakdown

• literally him trying to explain to you not to leave the room without pants on ↓

Yeosang ♡:

• choked on the soju he was drinking when he saw you

• almost forgot about the boys when he saw the way the royal purple see-through-patched underwear that hugged your hips and the black shirt that hung off one shoulder, but was brought back to reality when he realized the sudden silence behind him

• I’m not gonna lie, I don’t get to see too much of yeosang, so I low-key don’t know how he’d react to a lot of things

• my guess is that he would shoo everyone out of the room before turning back to you, hands on his hips and a sigh bubbling up from his chest

• “Hey, hey wake up, gorgeous”

• very tender but also rlly nervous that the boys would come in too soon

• would eventually just pick you up and carry you to the bedroom to lay you down and kiss your forehead

• “Sweet dreams”

San ♡:

• almost goes into cardiac arrest

• “This isn’t happening, right? No, I’m just seeing things”

• “Is she only wearing a shirt and underwear?”

• “Fuck”

• curses himself for not thinking ahead, considering you always like to walk around without pants

• flings himself over you and desperately pushes you out of the living room

• once you’re out of view he has a conniption

• Idk, this might be out of character for San, but this bitch’s mood can switch on a dime so don’t @ me

Mingi ♡:

• as soon as he sees you, he turns on his heel and literally throws himself at the boys so they don’t come any closer

• “Yah! What are you doing?”

• “Shhh! You’ll wake her”

• when everyone’s gone, he’ll kneel in front of you and poke your cheek until you stir awake

• “Baby? What’s wrong?”

• “Can you please go sleep in our room? I have the guys over and I don’t want them seeing you without any pants”

• is so pouty when he thinks about it ugh-

• as you’re leaving, he’ll give you the biggest kiss on your head omg I love him

• “Thank you!”

Wooyoung ♡:

• High-key not even bothered because he knows you’re his and they won’t try anything unless he’s ok with it

• but will still wake your ass up and move you lmao-

• taps your ass until you flip over and tell him to stop

• “Well I need you to go to bed so I can use the couch”

• you take a minute to assess everybody, even wave, then stand up

• he’d give you a kiss on the cheek, and you’d be on your way

• Baby knows he’s the shit and you wouldn’t try it for anybody else, he’s chillin

Jongho ♡:

• But mom I love him

• he’s actually low-key insecure and thinks you like the boys more than him, so when he sees you in nothing but a pink T and a black lace panty set with the bralette peeking beneath the shirt, he’ll kind of panic

• “Um, could everyone please leave for a minute?”

• “Huh? Why?”

• “Do it or else I’ll cry”

• would walk over to you and pick you up really easily since bb is hella strong

• you’d probably wake up right as he’s setting you down on the bed, your immediate instinct would be cupping his cheek and kissing him

• when you pull away he’d be frowning a bit

• “You’ll always love me more than my friends, right?”

• “Of course baby. You before them, always”

• and he’d be a giggly baby omfg-

• would go back to the guys with a big smile on his face because he’s the most precious thing that ever lived and he can do no harm because he’s such afuckingbabyomgimflyingtokoreailovethismanwithallmyheart

[whittakerjodie]

Doppelganger Part 2 (Whittaker!master X Reader)

Summary: The Master has decided that she’s not done with you

Words: 2.4k

Authors note: Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn the way she’s got me whipped rn... 

Warnings: emotional manipulation, the Master in general

Part One    

   Things on the TARDIS had been… awkward to say the least. The Doctor had spent two days taking care of you and asking questions. Then, after those two days, it was like a wall was suddenly erected between the two of you and you hardly spoke. You knew you hadn’t done anything wrong, so there was no apparent reason for her shortness other than the ‘other’ Master. 

Once in a while, you would catch her staring at you with a look in her eyes that nearly brought you to tears without feeling what she was. How did you even bring a situation like that up, or begin to explain it? 

   Thankfully, the shock, pain, and bruises became a lot less intense as time passed. Your adventuring resume had provided you with quite the tolerance for the three staples. There were still stubborn remnants though. The gentle touch of her hand before the sting of pain, the Doctor's voice perverted into yelling and commanding, her eyes as you were carried away; furious yet… calculating. 

   Then, sometimes you would find yourself staring at her, when she wasn’t doing the same to you. It was surrealism to a new level- the women you loved, same as always, even after seeing her (but not her) hurt you so badly. You hated the few times you would see her out of the corner of your eyes and jump on account of seeing the Master in her place. 

   The Doctor had insisted that you come on their next adventure, even though you’d asked if you could spend a day inside the TARDIS to relax. You supposed she didn’t want whatever happened before happening again and leaving you with her. So, you agreed, even if you weren’t excited like usual. 

   You were trailing behind the Doctor and the fam, unable to become fully present. The planet was nice, at least. Long winding tree’s stretched towards a dark purple sky, where 6 suns sparkled. You were hiking on a trail headed towards the peak of Banton, where you would be able to see the seventh moon from it’s height. 

   Nothing dangerous had happened yet, but deep down you could feel that something was wrong. Every alien on-planet seemed… tense. Artificial, almost. Their eyes followed you and you alone, and you could sense them still following you even into the wilderness. You heard shuffling in the bush behind you and curled your hand into a nervous fist. 

“Doc-” You started. You were cut off by a tug on your arm, hard enough to nearly dislocate your shoulder. Your back slammed against a tree and the air was knocked out of you in one moment, a gloved hand pressing against your lips to keep you quiet. Red twinged at the edges of your eyesight from the pain and you tried to push outwards against whoever had hurt you. 

“Careful love. Relax.” Then, everything disappeared in a bright blue light. 

_____________________________________

Not again, you thought, as you woke up for the second time in immense pain. You immediately shot upwards, ecstatic to find that your limbs were not bound this time. Then, confusion set in. You weren’t in a chair or a dark, scary room.

    There was a soft orange light covering the room. You could make out bookshelves, filled to maximum capacity. In the corner was a large vanity, the mirror extending to the ceiling. Reflected in the mirror was you, panicked and covered in a blanket you were realizing was very comfortable. And next to you-

You jumped up again and nearly fell off the bed when a hand reached out and grabbed your collar, yanking you forward. 

“I said relax.” 

   The Master didn’t even look at you, eyes pointed at the pages of her book. Her fist was still curled around the fabric of your shirt, holding you in place. You tried to pull again only to be greeted with an eye roll. 

“Do I need to tie you up again? Relax” she demanded through gritted teeth. She slowly let go of your shirt and you sank back into a sitting position on the bed. 

“How?” Was the first out of many questions you asked. 

“You don’t need to know that. What sort of food do you like?” 

“Food from my own universe, thank you. I’d like to go back to it” 

“You don’t have to go back to it.” 

“Yes, I do” 

“No you don’t.”

“And why is that?” you exclaimed impatiently. 

“Because you never left your universe” Your eyes widened. 

“What d’you mean?” 

“I mean what I said. Now, I answered your question, dear. I believe I’m owed.” 

   You blinked, watching her doggy-ear her page and set the book on the nightstand. She stared back at you, eyes narrowed. You felt yourself blush involuntarily at the attention. She was still wearing the same outfit from the other day, but it was buttoned up once more. You stubbornly shoved the image of the opposite case out of your mind. 

“W-which question was that again?” You stammered. She shifted, laying on her side with her head propped up on her hand. 

“I asked what food you like.” You thought for a moment, trying to decipher any hidden trick lying in the question. You gave her your nervous reply, and she nodded, then pointed across the room. Hanging off the vanity was a long dress. “Put it on.” 

   Then, she pushed herself off the bed and walked out of the room. For a moment, you could swear you heard her chuckling to herself. Immediately you searched around the room for a way out other than the door. There were no windows, though, and no obvious forms of communication lying around. Giving in (for the briefest of moments only, you told yourself) You tugged the dress into your arms and put it on. 

   Her TARDIS console room was different than your Doctors. There were still columns surrounding the console, but they were grey and pointy near the ceiling. The ‘round things’ still covered the walls, but their orange was violent, like fire. Their light was the only thing keeping the console room from drowning in total darkness. The Masters form was nothing but a black shadow, toying with the buttons and levers with an careful expertise. 

   She heard your footsteps and turned. Although the shadows concealed most of her face, you could make out her smirk and approving stare. You tried to make out her outfit but she stepped back into the shadows more. 

“If we’re still in my universe, how did you get here?” You asked. You didn’t want to consider the possibilities and plans running through her mind or the dangers of having two Masters - one of which was a spitting image of the Doctor- running around. 

“How about you save the questions until after dinner?” She murmured. 

“Dinner?” 

“Yes, dinner. What do you think, that I asked what food you liked so I could erase it from existence? Oo-!” She perked up. It was scary how much her excitement reminded you of the Doctor. “I could do that. Maybe if you’re a bad girl.” 

    You stepped back into the shadows yourself so that she wouldn’t take advantage of the warmth burning across your face. This was all too confusing. It was embarrassing and weird and wow, there was too much going on inside and outside of your head. A gloved hand slid under your chin, tilting your face upwards. You met her eyes, shrinking under the weight of them. 

“How long has it been for you, since we met?” 

“Couple of days.” She nodded, stepping back. 

“Come.” 

   You stepped out of the TARDIS with her, somewhat ashamedly shielding yourself behind her. She seemed to take note of the fact with a smile. You seemed to be in a restaurant of sorts, although not one on Earth. Aliens of all sorts dined at tables on several levels, all of which were lit so beautifully you nearly forgot that your date was a genocidal maniac wearing your crushes face. 

   You let the Master deal with all the talking, carefully listening in in case she let anything slip. To your disappointment, she didn’t, and you were led to your table. While you walked you found yourself once again greedily eyeing her outfit. It was very... fitting. The red shirt had remained the same, her black pants hugging her form tightly. You scolded yourself for getting distracted. 

“Don’t try anything or I’ll slit the throat of everyone here,” the Master promised.

    Hearing such a violent thing be said in the Doctor’s voice immediately ripped you out of your admiring state and you didn’t sit down. Somehow, the food had already been prepared for you. This was ridiculous- looking around, everyone was on a date. This was a date. 

“Alright, just come out with the plan.” You demanded. The Master shot a glare towards the hostess, who scurried away with a yelp.

“What plan? How do you know I have a plan?” 

“Don’t you always?” You spat. “Listen… this has gone on far enough. The Doctor will find me.” 

“Oh great,” The master said with a groan. “You’re playing the damsel-in-distress angle. Classic, but not what I was looking for on this particular outing. Sit.” 

“No” You insisted. “Why should I? You hurt me” 

“I barely touched you” She said with an eye roll. She pulled your chair out for you, pointing at it. “Now, if you’re done whining, I believe your food is getting cold.” 

   She reached into her pocket and you could see the classic shape of the tissue compression eliminator. So, you thought. Not much difference between universes then. 

   You took a seat, pushing yourself in so that she couldn’t. She huffed and took the seat opposite from you, starting her meal. As she cut into her steak you looked down at your own food, unable to deny that you were hungry. 

“It’s not poisoned, if that’s what you’re thinking. Eat, I have some things to discuss with you after.” 

    Deciding not to get on her nerves any longer, you silently ate your food. Amazingly, the Master hadn’t lied. You remained alive, enjoying the superb cooking. The Master was silent too, for once, although she seemed rather twitchy, like she was eager to jump up from the seat and cause chaos where she stood. She took a sip of her blood-red wine and began to speak. 

“Do you know the first rule of travelling with the Doctor, Y/n?” 

“Don’t run off?” 

“The Doctor lies” She said lowly. “Tell me, is she still sticking to her usual formula? Telling you that you’re important, that she’ll take you to every corner of the universe, that she’ll take care of you?” 

   You swallowed your food and winced as it stuck in your throat. This is just her trying to get a rise out of you, you told yourself. “I am important” You argued. “She has taken me to many corners of the universe and she does take care of me” 

She gave a small tsk and reached across the table to place her hand over yours. You tried to yank it back but she had an iron grip, digging her nails into the skin on your wrist. 

“Tell me, Y/n, if you’re so important to her, do you know about all her other friends? Her lovers?” 

    You couldn’t break yourself away from the eye contact, trying not to show any emotion. You didn’t, really. The Doctor hadn’t even told you what planet she was from until a couple of months ago. The Master could tell that you didn’t know, too. It made you sick. 

“I wonder… so many lovers here right now, eating. How much of a coincidence would it be if the Doctor were here, right now?” Your muscles tensed. What was she talking about? She feigned curiosity, eyes scanning the room until they landed on a table in the far corner of the room. 

“Oh, look at that. Aren’t they lovely.” You refused to follow her gaze and as a result, she grabbed your chin and forced your head towards the table. It wasn’t any two people you recognized, but you could sense familiarity in the man sitting there. He wasn’t your Doctor per say but- 

“Her 12th face. Technically. Who’s that sitting with him you might ask?” 

“Stop.” 

“His adoring wife!” She said gleefully. Your chin wobbled and you moved your eyes away from them. The Doctor was so old, you figured she would’ve loved others before you. But knowing was different then seeing and having it used against you. 

   The Master dropped your chin, laughing when your head quickly fell. You didn’t realize you’d been leaning into her supporting hand. She silenced herself with another sip of wine, watching you carefully. 

"Been together ages, them. Granted, not nearly as long as me and the Doctor have-” She didn’t finish. “Did the Doctor tell you about the 24 years they spent on this planet?"

 You took a bite and ate your food slower, determined not to give in. But she was just as stubborn- she glared at you impatiently. 

"I- I didn't know she had a wife" You admitted. Regret immediately stabbed through your tongue; you'd given her ammo, now.

"Neither did I, at first. I told you, dear. That’s the first rule. The Doctor lies" You ignored her again, trying to process your feelings. It was a little hard, given the situation. She sighed. “I wouldn’t lie to you, y/n. Well, that’s a lie. I would lie to you. I will lie to you. But I’ll have the decency to admit my dishonesty” 

“Well that’s very… honest of you” You murmur instinctively. She blinked. 

“Regardless.” She seethed. “I usually don’t keep pets-”

 “Companions.” 

“Companions. But I'd be willing to make an exception for you” Your heart stops, caught completely off guard. 

“I’m sorry- what?” 

“The rules are simple. You come with me, no one dies. You refuse, or you try to contact your precious Doctor, and I burn the universe I came from.” She held up a small wooden box, twirling it around in her fingers. “It’s called the moment. Timelord technology, but modified. I press the button on this bad-boy and the entire universe collapses before you can scream my name” 

   You stared at the box in horror, unsure of what to do. She wouldn’t would she? But she’s not the Doctor, you reminded yourself. She would. But why?

“B-but that's your whole universe! What would you even do?!?” You try to tug your hand back again but she nearly claws at it. 

“Stay here with you. Then we could watch your universe burn next. Wouldn’t that be fun?” You look around the restaurant, frantically trying to get someone's attention, hoping someone could notice your panic. She chuckled, pocketing the Moment. “Don’t bother. Perception filter. It’s just you and I, love” 

“Fine” You spat.There was no time to consider logistics or options. “Just- don’t hurt anyone please” 

   The last thing you wanted was a body count and the Master could make that happen in a split second. All you could do was hope that the Doctor would find you. Until then… you would have to follow her every order. You would have to let her become your Master. 

[sassypotatoe1]

I feel like being petty.

So my dad just threw a hissy fit because I said I'm going to buy some new underwear and clothes in March when a fixed deposit I made opens. He was like "when I see you you're buying or making clothes," and I was like??? "I talk about it a lot but I don't actually ever do it," and he was like "no but you do," and I went "if I do it's because I need it" and he's all "but you don't need it! You have an entire closet full of clothes!" and I'm about to explain, "well, I actually don't have a lot of clothes at all, and what I do have is either too big because I lost a ton of weight, old as fuck because it's stuff I got second hand 6 years ago from family, not really age appropriate anymore, not functional at all and not my style but I keep it out of necessity because I can't afford new clothes rn and I can't exactly toss out everything that doesn't work because then I'll have literally two crop tops, a spaghetti strap tank, two massive button ups, a flannel, one jacket, one really fucking baggy sweater, two too-big skinny jeans, a not-at-all-warm sweat pant, two shorts, and one black dress, and I don't know about you, but I can make about 10 outfits out of that before people start realizing I'm wearing the same 14 items of clothing over and over again and come to the conclusion that I have none, and all that's about 65% of my closet already, so I don't know what you're seeing but I am definitely not coming home with 7 shopping bags full of clothes every month like you seem to think I am," but my mom beats me to it and goes: "she just threw out three trash bags of clothes," (and I folded them so it was a LOT of clothes, because none of them fit me, some of them were tatters and a lot of them were the clothes of a literal 13 year old, I'm serious I've had them since I was 13, when I got them from my cousin who had just turned 15,who also bought them when she was 13, and I actually threw out half my closet at my apartment in my university town to donate so I've probably thrown out about 70 kgs of clothes by now because it wasn't functional) and he goes, I shit you not, "YOUR NOT HELPING! SHE HAS A PROBLEM AND I'M TRYING TO GET HER TO SEE THAT!!" gets up, and storms out of the room.

So now y'all have context, I'd like to tell y'all what my plan is, because I'm about to be petty as I've ever been and I've locked my brother out of the house for 13 hours because he called me fat. I'm going to organize my closet right? And I'm going to make a list of how many items of clothing I actually own, and then a seperate list of how many of them are only wearable in one season, and one of how many are torn/too tight/too big/old as fuck and covered in paint and other stains because they function as work clothes/only usable for hyperspecific situations but I'm not yet able to get rid of them/technically too childish but I own and wear them because I have no other options, and then one of how much is left that I can *actually* wear, and then, just for funsies, a list of how many items of clothing my dad has, and how much of it is functional clothes, just so I can go "so you say I don't need new clothes, but I have 4 shirts, a pair of pants and a dress, two bras and two panties, 4 pairs of socks and two pairs of decent looking shoes that I can actually wear, but you have 17 briefs, 42 pairs of socks, 7 pairs of work shoes (and 14 other functional pairs), 15 work shirts, 32 t-shirts, 7 pairs of work pants, three pairs of warm sweatpants, 5 shorts, 13 jackets and 3 sweaters you can actually wear, and that's AFTER tossing half your clothes last year. Am I really the one with the problem? Or am I trying to be a functional adult that takes care of herself to the best of her abilities and all you see is a vain little girl that buys everything she thinks is pretty because she's too STUPID to actually understand that money runs out. I'm thrifty as fuck motherfucker, I get by on so little that I could probably out-thrift you any day, and you want to throw a tantrum because the VERY little money I get, not even from you, I spend so well that I'm able to save up enough money to re-do my wardrobe so it's more functional, after which I'll throw out literally ALL the clothes I currently own, adding to the four bags I've already thrown out, so I can donate it and recycle what I can't donate. Fuck that. Fuck you. My whole life it's been "you're not good enough. You did all these things wrong. You're never going to amount to anything because you don't know anything and lazy spoiled and vain," and I did a whole lot of fucking things a whole lot better than most people, destroying myself in the process to keep you happy, and earn your approval but you know what? Fuck that. The moment I'm not dependent on you or my mom anymore for anything, and I'm going to bust my ass to make sure that happens VERY soon, you'll never have to look at this dumb lazy spoiled vain bitch again, because I won't have a father anymore and you'll only have your actually spoiled mysogynist son left. Well done. I'm officially over having a dad. Bye fucker, I have more important things to do with my time than waste it trying to please you.

[thatdamnokie]

today, i watched rocknrolla for the first time and kept a running tab of live commentary which can be found below the cut and is a stupid amount of ridiculous and will not make ANY sense unless you’ve also seen rocknrolla and like--have some vague memory of how the movie happens because this was all pretty much stream-of-consciousness or whatever.

yoooo i dig the opening song. okay. off to a good start.

for real thought the dark castle logo was hogwarts fml

is that… mark’s voice?

who is this muscular motherfucker?

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BONG PIPE THING

that’s as tall as a toddler what the fuck

look at all these people in this movie!

THAT WAS MARK

mr. strong ladies and gentleman

… wait lenny looks super familiar, what else have i seen him in.

this all seems very complicated.

idris and gerard!

counselor’s cute too

why is everyone in this movie so fucking cute

WHERE ELSE HAVE I SEEN THIS GUY

every time mark speaks i jump

wait is that—gerard’s actual accent?

lenny, you are a terrifying dude.

and mark i want to ruffle your hair.

archie, that profile, sweet gracious.

… fuck he’s in the background and i just can’t stop looking at him.

this all sounds very, very complicated.

he calls him “len” omg

“do i look like a fucking immigrant” u h m

okay so pretty sure i don’t like lenny, they should just let archie be the leader

enter the russiannnsss

your sweater is dumb russian guy

i like his accent though

guys i don’t know enough about real estate hustling to be able to explain this to another person

aw sweet russian sweater man giving him his painting

… wait no camera man show me the painting

“whiskey is the new vodka” sure yuri whatever you say

lenny i can shoot whiskey better than you can you fucking bitch

dude you can’t hold your sauce can you?

archie

archie help him

fuck he is so handsome

that jawline

“famous archie smile” I WANNA SEE

dude you need to be nicer to people when whiskey makes you that sweaty?

… i’m sorry but i think i could outdrink arch’s boss???

bless whoever made mark narrator

yooooo stella!

i like her!

dude she looks boss as fuck

“i don’t feel like smiling”

dude a marriage of convenience where you don’t have regular sex sounds awful

“welcome to the—speeler?” did he say speeler?

tom!

some of the names in the opening credits didn’t look familiar but these faces do.

wait is gerard gay or was he making a joke?

that. accent. gracious.

just picture that growling in your ear. fuck, i want a british boyfriend guys. i mean it.

i like the color scheme of all this like everything’s—muted, but still classy?

okay i dig 1-2 and stella’s broship.

can you imagine just calling him twelve to save time

“just a black eye, nothing more.”

dude she has louboutins! or something like them! the ones with the red bottoms, i’m probably misspelling it.

hanging out at the country club. very classy.

arch, you’re all limbs.

… you’re also scary.

duuuuude he has a way of talking that just makes me nervous. like an undercurrent of a threat, things implied…

“in there like swimwear” i’m stealing that.

duuuuude lenny’s robe though?

i got office envy! look at that desk.

WHO FALLS BACKWARDS IN THEIR CHAIR

oh shit they took the painting

… that i still don’t know what it looks like, guys let me see it

len you are boned.

“and archie’s gonna have to go… to work.”

he is literally the tallest dude in every shot.

is he giving him slapping lessons rn.

… yes he is.

oh

oh

oh no

JESUS

ARCHIE

we do NOT HIT PEOPLE

gracious.

i’m torn because on one hand, that would probably really fucking hurt, his hands are probably as big as my fucking face

on the other hand—would i let mark strong slap me?

… maybe.

“but you keep the receipts because this ain’t the mafia”

idrisssss

fuck if he smiled at me like that i’d do whatever he said too

“everybody have fun tonight! <3” :D EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT

“now fuck off”

oh twelve

ugh all the style in this movie.

wardrobe goals.

i want that bag.

“… maybe.” bro you said that like you wanted the d, and i can’t say i blame you.

i like how yuri says london.

for a split second i thought that was tom holland???

ohhhhh what’s gonna happen now!

does everyone just like—drive mark around in these movies

OMG it’s the same money

this shit is hysterical

i want to mess his hair up. because if we were in public he’d probably hate it and tbh i’d be too scared to do it but maybe privately…

guys… i feel like i’d fit into the uk.

ohhhhh an INFORMANT

… oh that dude is cute!

oh that dude is CRAZY

oh, drugs, right. these are the drugs i do not do.

his name is TWELVE archie

see, he’s so good at being quietly threatening

his laugh is so… <3

i think ship stella and yuri—

oh FUCK i forgot she was married

he’s also gay as shit, yuri

dude she just got so sad…

“you devil”

oh duuuuuude

you want that v so bad and it is so obvious

they both have nice hands.

poor bob. :(

twelve you sweet scottish bastard.

OH

UHM

OKAY

that’s a twist.

twelve noooo

dude be cool

DUDE

DUDE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE THIS

CALM DOWN

oh my god

duuuuude, twelve.

dude.

bob. bob honey i am so sorry.

is he crying? T.T

TWELVE DO SOMETHING

“no I’M FUCKING SORRY”

YEAH WELL YOU SHOULD BE

a—a poof?

is ‘poof’ a bad word?

guys i don’t know anything about british slang.

bob honey relax…

ohhhhh i’m not sure if that was a smart question to ask right that second.

archie, you’re so classy and wonderful and probably wouldn’t freak out on people like that. probably.

this van gentleman is so delightful ( i am so bad at names rn )

so his nickname is van gentleman.

TANK

there we go.

i like this broship.

in which arch continues to be all. fucking. leg.

OH SHIT

i was NOT PREPARED

“like most things american they’ve eaten the natives” i mean…

i really like his comparison of the crayfish and greed, but like… i also really want bbq now… (have you HAD bbq crayfish? shit’s delicious.)

also HOLY SHIT was not expecting them to be stuck on him like leeches? that’s terrifying.

archie has like—this hidden mercy about him… like he got a weird look on his face and i couldn’t tell if it had to do with the quid dude or putting the other guy back in with the crayfish.

it’s his STEPSON?

ohhhhh an american!

oh he is handsome.

mickey. <3

what else have i seen this rocker dude in…

“ladies of the pole”

mickey’s hat ftw

oh this fedora guy is cute.

JUNE

i love that name AND her bangs!

this movie was a phenomenal soundtrack

aaannnddd definitely thought that dude was masturbating for a second

wait is that the guy from the beginning?

LENNY

... wwwooooowwww

lenny is an ASSHOLE

LENNY

johnny, johnny honey you do not deserve this

why is this movie full of people who deserve better than they got???

LENNY don’t you DARE

that is NOT OKAY

FUCK YOU

gosh, kid, bless your heart…

SHOW ME THIS FUCKING PAINTING

there are so many different accents in this movie and all it’s doing is confirming the fact that i never left my “i want a boyfriend with a nice voice” phase

“guns nuns and cowboys” idk what this bonanza thing is but i’m in

johnny you are very scary and i’m sorry that your stepdad made you like this.

dude stop touching june?

“it’s tasty and exotic—a bit like your june.” lenny you’re disgusting.

that’s an intense line of questioning, lenny.

this fucking painting.

ARCHIE

STOP FUCKING WITH THE MICROPHONE

oh my god

i literally just want him to never stop talking

omg bob.

dude twelve looks piiiiiiissed.

i think… i missed a part of the plot.

guys i want to be a part of this world but i’m only able to say that because no one’s very asked me to like… torture someone.

or sleep with someone gross.

victor you handsome bastard.

russian is such a guttural language i love it

FUCK YOU LENNY

at least you’re getting better at shooting your whiskey? fucking asshole.

like i like him less and less because he’s just GROSS you guys

jk could still outdrink him.

if you touch archie lenny i will reach through his screen and rip your face off.

i really wouldn’t be threatening someone who could snap you in half but okay

who the hell is cookie?

COOKIE

you look like a one-many party

omg where are your pants

cookie

cookie i love you you disaster of a man

omg i want to be invited to one of these parties

like just let me relax in a corner with an old fashioned and a cute boy

OHHH THEY FUCKED

OH

OKAY

that explains a lot

dude bob that’s—okay but like they thought he was going to prison, that was just an accident

wait does archie know?

dude stella i want to be your friend so you can help me with my wardrobe

… twelve. twelve what are you doing.

stella looks so fucking unimpressed

YEAH BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

dude, stella, girl, i’m sorry

at least one of you can dance

oh bertie you gay as shit

stella why did you marry this man

i like this closed captioning thing they’re doing.

who. is. the. informant.

“and remember—i *am* dangerous.” yes you are baby.

bertie you are so awkward

bob. bobby no. D:

BOB

oh bertie don’t act like you didn’t like getting bossed around i saw it in your face

y’all he is fucking ENAMORED

i’d go see this guy live.

that bouncer wasn’t fucking around. one hit knockouts.

… john. johnny. what are you doing

JOHNNY DO NOT STAB THE BOUNCER

HE IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS

HOLY SHIT

JOHNNY

ALL RIGHT COOL LET’S JUST SHANK THE BOUNCER

johnny you are batshit crazy

“fucking mutt” wait, what does that mean?

mumbles is a handsome man.

ohhhh this is an awkward conversation.

“made a pass.” right.

ohhhh. oh he knows.

twelve, dude, i’m sorry.

he looks so uncomfortable.

but hey like this means they didn’t fuck so that’s a thing?

boooob, sweetheart. <3

they’re all such good mixes of good and evil.

except lenny. fuck lenny.

ooooo that lady has pretty hair.

oh wait THAT’S cookie?

then who was pantsless homie?

this movie has such a big cast and i can keep track of like four people.

this club lounge place looks cool though.

he helped him get off the rock? that’s pretty rad.

p.s. this movie has a great soundtrack tbh.

all the same kiddos maybe just stick to weed and the occasional hallucinogens

say no to cocaine and crack

oh, johnny. :(

buddy.

holy SHIT this guy’s scars though!

DUDE

how many scars do these russian guys HAVE

… ADJNSJANSOAPSLKKJADSM

TRAIN

OKAY

WAIT NO TRUCK

JESUS

… more scars i guess?

… wait i wonder if archie has scars like that?

ohhhhh noooo yuri.

yuri did your friends die?

LENNY you’re racist and i do not like you.

oooohhhh why do i feel like so many bad things are gonna happen in the last part of this movie.

twelve you’re limping my baby who hurt you

… oh

OH

THAT is who hurt you

also i ship those two russian guys

i like how stella was apparently just watching the entire thing from a distance

and then has the audacity to critique him lmfao

holly shit right into a STOREFRONT

dude NONE of y’all are having a good day

this entire scene is fucking—something else

guns

knives

golf clubs

just

anything you can pick up and use as a weapon at all

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THESE DUDES JUST INDESTRUCTIBLE

“ABANDON SHIP RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

YEAH BITCH AGREED

OH SHIT COPS

BOB ARE YOU JUST GONNA WAVE LIKE THEY’RE YOUR BROS

THIS IS STRESSFUL

PARKOUR

bob you look like a puppy

and twelve looks like a zombie

and then there’s mumbles who just stole the coolest bike helmet i’ve ever seen

twelve, honey, you just can’t catch a break

dude russian guy is fucking RIPPED

kudos to who did the cinematography of this because it looks fucking cool

this is the slowest high-intensity chase i’ve ever seen

ripped and covered in blood. i dig it.

twelve you faker

oh hi ruskies

archie do you own any clothing that’s not black, grey or blue…?

fuck i love that jacket, but it’s so long it just makes him look even taller

LENNY

YOU NEED TO NOT BE SO FUCKING RACIST?

and get your hands off his testicles!

gracious.

everyone in this movie needs jesus.

johnny stop calling him pedro.

can…. can i see the painting please.

please.

guys.

this poor scottish guy.

yuri got cake.

johnny… sorta reminds me of freddie mercury in some of these shots? for like a few seconds at a time.

… okay so i’m full of dread between this monologue and what’s happening on the golf course.

lenny. buddy. you really got like. not do that. stop calling everyone immigrants

OH SHIT

GET HIM

GET HIM VICTOR

YOU GO BABY

this is a weird juxtaposition in terms of scenes though?

like

lenny getting his legs beat

and johnny’s super sad speech about the cigs

dude i can’t bring myself to feel bad for len.

wait where’s archie?

“and that is also why i cannot give that painting back.”

this is a set up for something really really bad.

and then they have moments where they act like dudes i know and i warm up to pete and johnny.

bobby stop fucking with that poor man. you’re gonna make him fall in love with you.

“i’m going back to bed.” “can i come?”

*smack* okay, that shit was funny.

johnny you need some chicken.

oh these motherfuckers.

… guys i wanna be a rocknrolla

lmao a protest

that flat looks disgusting.

dude you need to treat your bro better

ASJANSJASN

THEY TOOK THE PAINTING

CAN I SEE IT

LET ME SEE THIS FUCKING PAINTING

OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT

if this movie ends without me seeing this fucking painting i’m going to kill someone

good man cookie.

TANK’S WATCHING P&P

COOKIE YOU DA REAL MVP

gerard’s laugh though

OH

… well then

like if she wasn’t so unhappy in her marriage i’d feel bad

THE INFORMANT YES TELL ME

… sydney shaw?

“where did he learn a word like pseudonym?”

awwww he likes her…

oh she likes him!

okay good because that sex didn’t look romantic at all.

“you’ve got very good taste mr. one-two.”

lenny fuck you.

you’re gonna be alive for like three more years, relax.

archie. <3 that protectiveness—even if it is for lenny.

aaannnnddd enter the russians.

what a clustfuck.

wait TWELVE

DAMNIT TWELVE

OPEN YOUR EYES

… oh you are FUCKED

ooosajdnaksdjnajsdna this is anxiety-inducing

y’all this is why drugs are bad

and then nice outside scene. birds chirping. looks like a lovely day.

oh shit ARCHIE WITH A GUN

there’s no way that twelve is still alive

what the FUCK

am i SEEING

dude archie, me too

omg ARCHIE HELP HIM

that SMILE

dude i’d laugh too

OH

OH SHIT

welp.

okay, we all figured archie was gonna kill people

put your FUCKING TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

wait he SHOT TWELVE?

omg everything is happening at once.

wait, stella, what’d you do?

OMG

dude she looked FREAKED OUT

yuri… dude, what are you doing…?

UHM

WHAT

WAIT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

STELLA YOU LITERALLY FUCKED TWELVE LIKE A SECOND AGO

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhh noooooo

ohhhhh NOOOOO

oh stella, honey you in danger girl

archie looks a thousand percent done and he’s been around this kid thirty seconds

wait archie was in prison?

this sydney shaw person put arch in prison…

duuuuuude younger!archie ;-;

“uncle arch” T.T

WHAT the fuck, lmao

just whipping out his gun, nbd

archie stop that. they’re babies.

johnny man you’ve—been fucked up for a while.

dude archie you look miserable.

ohhhh nobody died.

THANK YOU ARCHIE

GET HIM

i hate this entire family.

who all is about to die in this weird basement silent hill place.

… dude. johnny’s face though.

like i’ve felt like NO sympathy for lenny this entire time but i feel bad for johnny. :/

“a hot bath and a cold razor”

… dude

“because you’re poison john.”

o u c h

but like he is CRAZY

like

help i don’t know who to feel for

i feel for everyone

… except lenny

OH SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

LENNY

JESUS

DUDE

HE IS GOING TO KILL HIS OWN STEPSON

what the fuck is happening.

YES THE INFORMANT

wait.

WAIT.

IT’S FUCKING LENNY????

OH MY GOD

“you are a VERY dirty bastard sydney.”

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

THE

FUCK

NO

STOP KILLING EVERYONE

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

NO NO NO NO  NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED

this is STRESSFUL

“put your hands up!”

*thud*

okay that was funny

THE BOYS!

oh, archie.

oooohhhhh… all this shit…

archie. fuck, you can hear the betrayal in his voice.

shit, this is sad.

“there is no spring without a winter. no life without death.”

… archie?

oh a time skip!

oh SHIT johnny got a GLO UP

“c’mon then give us a cuddle”

i’ll GLADLY you give you a cuddle

OH MY GOD THE PAINTING

SHOW ME

S H O W M E

… you literally put those russian guys in pieces, didn’t you archie.

you terrifying motherfucker.

GUYS I WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD

FUCK YOU GO GET THEM JOHNNY

... wait was there supposed to be a sequel?

… WAIT

WAIT  NO

NO

YOU FUCKING SHOW ME THAT GOD DAMN PAINTING

oh my god.

fuck it.

fuck that.

nope.

like mid-credit scenes are the least y’all can do.

… wait is that tom and gerard just like fucking with each other, it might be, that’s sort of adorable.

dude that gay club looks like fun though.

i don’t dance because i’ll spill my drink but.

awwwww guys i could watch them dance forever, like, this shit is funny.

ohhhh i hope this means that archie becomes the new lenny. he’d be a much better lenny.

and now we sway to this groovy end credit music while i sit and seethe in hatred that i never saw the painting and i’m pissed about it. :))))))

… fuck.

welp, guess i’ll just have to write shit about how the fuck this dude falls in love with a cop then.

[daddyconfessions]

daddy’s journal: 1/29/19

previous entries: daddy’s journal 1/26/19

Sunday January 27, 2019 6-bars text bright and early and said good morning.

Feels like I wasted my time last night with her.  She’d only been there barely half an hour before she’d left. Not sure if her pussy had got wetter or I hadn’t seen her in awhile, but that kitty was GOOD.  And..I hadn’t had enough. I was unsatisfied.

Could have saw her again. I needed to be disciplined. I was back on seeking arrangement talking to a lot of girls. Experience has taught me I need to conserve my energy, my vibe and conserve my physical resources. Anyone of these ladies could msg me at any moment…and I needed to be ready.

I curved 6-bars.

Funny how the universe works. Around 2pm Kwik text me. I’d met her around the same time I’d met 6 bars - months ago. I don’t have much to tell about Kwik. Latin chick. 5”2. A solid 6 on the dimepiece scale. Totally went into the situation intending to hit it once/twice and ghosting.

The sugar gods don’t like ugly. When I saw Kwik for the 1st time coming up the hall to our room, she was the sexiest thing ever. We met on our lunch break and she arrived dressed in business casual attire, wearing Capri slacks, nice rouge blouse, cute heels and well manicured toes. She had one of those name tags/badge clipped to her pocket for office building access. A cute brown clutch was in her hands to complete the outfit.  

Something about professional chicks. Idk. The fact that they been sitting in a cube, going to meetings and what not, then meeting me for lunch to fuck before returning to their desk is the sexiest thing ever. Now it was 3 months later. I went from some fuck shit to all out trying to seduce this chick and make it long term.

We’d been playing phone tag over the last week and today she texted unexpectedly. With all the unresolved carnal energy stirring inside me, she was the perfect fix.

Today she showed with her hair pulled back in a bun. She had on some gray shirt with a faux belt tied in the front, black slacks and flip flops - the latter at odds with her outfit. We exchanged pleasantries briefly before getting undressed.  “I don’t have a lot of time,” she explained. “I’m at a family Bar-b-Que.”  She said she’d left her kids with her family and told them she had an errand to run. They’d all gone to church that morning blah blah.  I believed her. Mexican chicks big on family events.

And Kwik needn’t worry.  Her pussy was so good I couldn’t last more than a few minutes in it anyway.

I lied and said she could have stayed with her family. Played like it was no big deal if she couldn’t have made it. But really I wanted to be deep inside her, pounding that muff for whatever little time I could before I came. “We could have seen each other another time,” I said. “No….” she said shaking her head and pulling off her bra. “No. I really wanted to see you. I been wanting it.”

Again…I believed her. I could see the submission in her eyes. She wanted me to use her for my pleasure and have my way with her body she returned to her life. I took a deep breath and prayed to the sugar gods for stamina before I put my head between her thighs, spread her vulvae gently and began licking her clit.

She responded instantly…moaning and grabbing my head. After a few moments I looked up and I saw her eyes fluttering. When It got good she raised up on her elbows and looked down at me. Her eyes narrowed and her sultry lips parted as I mercilessly thrashed her clit.

I wanted to make  her cum, but the way she was looking at me turned me on. I stopped and mounted up. Usually I ease it in, but Kwik’s pussy so wett. She got that…..

It just slid right in. Went to pounding that muff like a rabid animal,  controlled by passion and carnal energy.

Eh…didn’t last long. I kept stopping to keep from coming. Pussy was just too good. I tried shit like biting my lips and twisting my earlobe but alas…I couldn’t stop the eruption of kreme as I spayed her tummy with my unborn.

I fell down beside her…my body spent. It was bittersweet. The sex had been good but I had come too fast. That’s why I call her Kwik…you ain’t gone be in the pussy long before you cum.

After we talked a bit I wanted another turn. I wanted retribution for the lousy night before with 6-bars. I was suddenly emotional. “I have to get back to my family” she said, sliding on her purple panties. I was laying in the bed like a ‘lil bitch wanting more of the pussy she’d denied me.  As she put on her pants she was like, “We can see each other later in the week.”  She pulled on her shirt and began buttoning it all nonchalant.

With that I got up and kissed her goodbye as she left me in the room butt naked, dick getting harder by the moment.  I prolly was looking like Eddie Murphy in Boomerang or some shit rn.

Bitch.

Monday January 28, 2019 I’m ok today.

Slim messaged me to meet and after the unfulfilling weekend I’d had with 6-bars and Kwik  I was ready for some more sex.

But the sugar gods were looking after me.  Hilton hit me up and asked if she could come see me. I’d met Hilton on tumblr. She’d slid into my DMs one day like

We’d talked for some time before plans developed for her to come see me. Hilton was a cool chick. White girl. I hadn’t fucked with a Becky in a long time so it was refreshing to meet her. What a night of debauchery that had been complete with plan B pills the next day. Now she was back for more and…well…I was only too happy to see her again. She said she could see me tomorrow so cool.

I’d met her about October 2018. She’d been following me on tumblr since I’d joined. She’d waited patiently in the void to pounce on me and take her shot. She’d come down a few weeks after that just after Thanksgiving and gave me that kitty.

Hadn’t had a Becky in a long time. She worked at hotel and I reckon she got free rooms as a result. So I named her Hilton. I’d asked if she wanted money for our encounter. She said she wanted to fuck. She’d gladly take the money of course …but it wasn’t a requirement. We had a good time too. Her curiosity satisfied, I figured I’d never hear from her again.

Now she was back in my inbox. I didn’t cancel yet with Slim. I’d wait until Hilton was on the road to see me before I cancelled.

Tuesday January 29, 2019 When I was sure Hilton was on her way to see me, I text Slim to say I couldn’t make it today.

“I’m busy” I said. Slim made a fuss but…..Free pussy always wins. No hoe can compete.

I knocked on the door that evening. I had to knock a few times and then call before snow flake opened up. She smiled big and welcomed me in…all sleepy eyed and what not.  Working at the hotel she often worked the night shift. “How was the drive in,” I asked her making small talk.

After some bullshit talk, we got down to business. I got undressed and laid on the bed while Hilton pulled off her top. Like a lot of plus sized chicks, she was ashamed of her stomach so she didn’t remove the underwear until absolutely necessary.

I don’t’ like that and told her as much.

I like a chick that bears all….unapologetically.  If I’m fucking with you then I’ve already accepted you for what you were. To hide yourself, be insecure, is a turn off.

Hilton removed her panties, much to my pleasure and was stark naked as she positioned herself between my legs and went to sucking on Bart. I gotta say…..I don’t know if Hilton’s head is all that. She sucked my dick so good, tasting it, licking it, looking at it, making eye contact with me..I totally got off on her pleasuring me at her expense. Soon I had to stop her. I didn’t want to cum like that.

She got on top, slid Bart inside her and went to riding him. She got all bold. Getting up on her feet and what not, bouncing on the dick. I was amazed at her stamina. Even the most muscular, fit girls can’t maintain that position for long. Hilton held her own. I loved her effort. We switched to missionary for some pounding.

That young pink muff was too much for me tho. I was about to cum within a minute of being inside her. I still had left over energy from the weekend and needed to release.I started thinking about all kinds of other shit so I could prolong the inevitable.

It ain’t work.

The surge of protein was ready to erupt out of my shaft. I was about to let go when she asked if I could hit it from the back. We switched up and she put that big pretty ass in the air as I entered her again. Our bodies slapped loudly against each other. I marveled at the ripples flowing through her ass cheeks like waves.

Once again I was ready to blow. I pulled out and sprayed her back with a volley ivory rain. White on white. Lovely. I went to the bathroom to grab a towel to clean up the protein. Then I fell down beside her… my body spent.

Hilton had got up and put on her underwear again. Still with the insecure shit…pissed me off. Then she was half laying on the bed instead of on daddy and snuggling. I said something about it and she laid down on my chest and we watched tv.

Next thing I know I was waking up…I prolly had snored her head off. I looked down at her and she raised her head up and smiled. We talked a bit after that. Wasn’t long before she had a mouth full of cock again…reviving Bart for the second round.

Repeat.

After we’d got done I went and cleaned up. We talked some more…you  know. Little bullshit conversation you have on your way out the door.

[satorisa]

Lift the Veil - Chapter 7

Lift the Veil - Chapter 7: Take Me

Rating: T

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Read On: FanFiction.Net, Archive of Our Own

...I said I would upload this on Thursday or Friday, but I was apparently fooling myself. Would’ve uploaded this earlier today, but I am tired from canoeing (it’s terrifying when the boat capsizes) and decided to practice some voice acting today. (TBH I REALLY SHOULD BE STUDYING FOR MY MIDTERMS RN.)

The song used for this chapter doesn’t really add much to the story, but since I did listen to it while writing most of this chapter, and since it is a good song, you can listen to it here. For now, enjoy (or suffer) reading about our two leads being hella awkward in this chapter.

Chapter 7 – Take Me

We need some time to mend this broken trust…

I woke up to the scent of miso soup and steamed rice accompanied by whatever was beautifully sizzling. Sitting up, I turned to see Ritsuko in the kitchen, back towards me, dutifully manning the stove with her hair up in a messy bun. She spun around to put something in the sink, and I laughed at the pink, frilly apron she wore.

“Good morning to you, too, Risa!” she called.

“Sorry! It’s just…” I couldn’t finish my thought and burst into a fit of giggles.

“Don’t judge me! It was the only thing left at the store when I went!”

I shook my head at her blatant lie before getting up and folding my blanket. Sauntering over to the kitchen, I asked Ritsuko if she needed any help. She raised her eyebrow in skepticism and told me to set the table instead, pointing at the cabinet where she kept the dinnerware with her spatula.

“So, um…” she started as I took out some matching plates and bowls. “Are you okay? Did you sleep well?”

“Why ask?”

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear you rambling on about Dark, light, and that blond guy with the spiky hair from those video games,” she explained, and I had to stifle a laugh at how she got “Cloud” from “Krad.” “I thought you were awake, so I went to check on you, but you were fast asleep, squirming around like crazy. Did you have a terrible nightmare or something?”

“I don’t remember dreaming about anything last night,” I told her while setting the table, arranging everything as neatly as I could. “But it sounds like I had my recurring nightmare again.”

“About video game characters?” I nodded with a straight face, imagining her puzzled expression and finding amusement from this hilarious misunderstanding. “Well…um…alright?” She paused for a bit. “Have you had that checked out?”

“I’ve never had a reason to go to anyone about them.”

“Well, if you say so…”

When I finished setting the table, I returned to the kitchen to convince Ritsuko that I wasn’t incompetent in the kitchen, but she only brushed me off and laughed, calling me names relating to the weird content of my dreams. When she finished cooking, we sat down at the table before digging into the meal. We weaved through moments of silence and chatter, talking about everything but anything related to last night and my nightmare. (She did, however, keep pestering me about why I was dreaming about video games when I wasn’t an avid gamer, so I gave in and told her that she had misheard the name I spoke before she finally let the topic go.)

“Hey, were you planning on heading home soon?” she asked after finishing her food.

“Nope. Why ask?”

“I have to head to the store soon, and I don’t want to keep you here any longer than you want to. I’ll be back before dinner though, so do you think you can be alone until then?”

“I’m not a kid, you know.”

“I know, but I can’t help but worry about you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Getting up with the dirty dishes, I placed them in the sink to soak for a bit. I appreciated Ritsuko’s concern, but damn, it was suffocating.

“Alrighty.”

She went into her bedroom, and I wiped down the table before floating over to her bookshelf. When I finally found the book I gifted her once upon a time, wedged in between a worn fashion catalogue and a thick textbook, she came out with her hair styled, a face full of makeup, and a well-coordinated outfit that I was wishing I had.

“Stay safe and enjoy yourself!” She closed the front door behind her, leaving me alone to read a book I haven’t touched in years and would probably regret picking up again.

In high school, during one of the many afternoons I spent holed up in the school’s library, I stumbled upon an out-of-place book sandwiched in between thick tomes detailing what seemed like the finer points of sociology. Its cursive English title on the spine stood out to me, so I took the book off the shelf to read its synopsis and checked it out the moment I realized it was a romance, immediately ditching my afternoon study plans to read it.

After I found myself thoroughly enjoying the book, I messaged Ritsuko saying that she had to read this whenever she found some free time before messaging Hiwatari, wondering if he could meet up with me that evening. Whenever he was swamped with work, I studied at the library since the Niwa household was too distracting for me if I was by myself. To make up for his absence, Hiwatari would always call me once he returned from work, guiding me through assignments and topics beyond me or keeping me company through time-consuming projects and last minute crunches because of my terrible habit of procrastinating.

After getting a message from him saying that he could grab dinner with me, I headed over to the family restaurant close to the police station and reserved a table. Mostly undisturbed, save for the waiter intermittently asking if I needed anything, I plowed through the book, miraculously finishing it despite having just started it earlier that day.

Unfortunately, Hiwatari arrived shortly after I read its ending, and he rushed over in concern when he saw me trying to discreetly cry into my hands, asking me what was wrong until I shoved the book into his face. Sighing, he slipped into seat across from me before resignedly questioning what the “accursed” novel was about. Through my blubbering, I somehow coherently explained its plot, pausing twice through my summary to order and thank the waiter when the food came out.

“Risa, please, your food’s getting cold,” he interrupted when he realized that I wasn’t even close to the halfway point of the story. “Just lend me the book, and I’ll finish it later.”

“Thank you for…ordering the food…and listening.” I sniffled before digging into my omelet rice.

“You’re welcome, but please don’t worry me like that again. Coming here and seeing you cry after you asked me to meet up with you stressed me out more than my work itself. And then I come to find out that all this fuss was over a book…” He jokingly glared at me, and I laughed.

I eventually cheered up from my food and company, and I left the restaurant with Hiwatari accompanying me back home. He called me later that night, nestled in an ottoman while I was somehow comfortable on the kitchen floor as we whispered the night away.

The next day, Hiwatari picked me up right after school and bought me two copies of the book: one for my personal use and the other for me to give to Ritsuko. (He personally didn’t like the book, but that’s because we didn’t share the same tastes in genres. He did acknowledge my books when he found them well-written, and he told me this one was much better than the usual drivel I read. [I smacked him because I knew he was only saying that to avoid getting hit, but he laughed at how little faith I had in the veracity of his opinions.])

In the span of a week, after my annotations and bookmarks marred every page, the book looked like it had years of constant wear and tear. Despite being my favorite book, it had become too difficult for me to ever read through again after graduating high school. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it or give it away either, so I kept it perched on my desk as a reminder and a silent promise to myself.

After completely reading through Ritsuko’s copy, I heard the door ring. Without thinking, especially since I was emotionally compromised on several different levels, I opened it to see Ritsuko and Hiwatari slightly panting with concern on their faces. Ritsuko’s expression fell, and Hiwatari looked about ready to hightail out of there.

“Risa…are you okay?” Ritsuko asked as I let them in.

“Yeah…um…” I pointed to the book on the sofa while wiping away my uncontrollable tears. Both Ritsuko and Hiwatari nodded, sharing a brief look with each other before looking back at me. Ristuko patted my back before heading into the kitchen while Hiwatari followed me to the sofa, settling down as far away from me as possible.

“I sent you a text saying that Hiwatari was going to take you home tonight,” Ritsuko told me. “But you didn’t reply, so we rushed over here only to have a heart attack because you were crying…over a book.”

“To think that you would worry people again over the tears you shed over that accursed book. If I may be so bold, Harada-san, I believe you should reconsider your tastes in literature.”

I only pouted at Hiwatari’s comment, still too preoccupied with trying to calm myself down to wonder why Hiwatari, of all people, was accompanying me home. Ritsuko returned, placing two cups filled with tea and coffee respectively and a bowl of snacks on her coffee table, telling me to let her know when I’m heading out before disappearing into her room. When her door shut, I became painfully aware that she had just left me alone with Hiwatari. My tears immediately dried up, and the muggy haze that usually clouded my mind during (and after) a good cry gave way to an alertness characteristic of Hiwatari himself.

“Why…are you here?” I cautiously asked him.

“Riku and Daisuke had evening dinner plans, so they asked me to bring you back home.”

I groaned and whatever composure I wanted to retain in front of Hiwatari vanished. “Am I really that unreliable that I need people around me constantly?”

“Yes, you are,” Hiwatari scolded. My eyes widened at the sudden sharpness in his tone. “You’ve been practically drinking yourself into stupor every night since you’ve gotten here, worrying everyone with such immature recklessness that is, frankly, scaring us. If you want to be treated like an adult, you should start acting like one.”

I let out a dry laugh. “I…can’t believe I’m being scolded by you right now.” Picking up my cup of tea, I took a sip before letting it rest on my lap, staring at my rippling reflection as if it had the answers to my unanswered questions.

Silence settled between us before Hiwatari cleared his throat. Glancing up at him, he looked annoyed. Or was that distress? I really couldn’t tell anymore. “Sorry if I came across as harsh.”

“No, it’s okay,” I told him softly, absent-mindedly tracing my cup as I returned to my reflection. “Even as adults, we sometimes still need a stern talking-to.”

He nodded, opening his mouth as if he had something to say before immediately shutting it, knotting his eyebrows as if deep in thought. He sat there thinking as I helped myself to Ritsuko’s snacks in a vain attempt to focus my attention on anything but the awkwardness of these interactions. Our current relationship (if you could even call this mess one) stood on unstable ground; one wrong step out of the many that could easily occur, and this odd reconciliation we finally reached would crumble instantly.

“We should probably head out,” he finally settled on saying, getting up from the sofa. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

Going our separate ways, I knocked lightly on Ritsuko’s door, patiently waiting for her to open it. She finally appeared, makeup stripped off her face and hair messily gathered into a bun, smiling as she strutted to the door in an oversized shirt and equally baggy shorts. She gave me a hug, wishing me well before letting me out. When I heard the door shut, I came face to face with Hiwatari leaning against the wall by the doorframe with his eyes glued onto me as I stood there staring back at him. Somewhat straightening up, he got off the wall and lead me through the complex until we finally found its entrance.

On the streets, we joined the many heading towards their plans for the night. Six years later and the streets were alive and bustling, almost reminiscent of those in Tokyo. They weren’t the same in scale, of course, but I found this change comforting. After living in the city for so long, the constant busyness became my norm, and I appreciated that I wasn’t fully alone with Hiwatari. While I relished his lone company as he walked me back then on these once practically empty streets, it would’ve driven me crazy now if I had to deal with that.  

Hiwatari walked ahead of me, and I couldn’t help but examine him under the meager lighting of the street lamps and storefronts. Outside of work, he didn’t carry the air of the Police Commissioner. He disguised his slim and toned body under his dull, ill-fitting clothes and hid his face behind those awful wire-rim glasses from last millennia that he apparently never needed; if it weren’t for his eye-catching hair color, he would easily fade into the background. And no confident man would stuff his hands into his pockets as he slouched: only a ruffian would do that.

He didn’t have to hide anymore with Krad finally gone for good, and he had actually gotten better with maintaining his outward appearance while living in the Niwa household, probably under Ms. Emiko and Towa’s tutelage. His casual clothes finally coordinated to some degree, and he walked around with his back fully straight. If anything, he should’ve continued down that path, especially as a young bachelor with the world at his fingertips. He could attract any woman if he tried and, if they bothered to uncover his actual personality hidden under that prickly shell of his, he’d be set for life.

Odd for me to even bother going down this train of thought, especially considering that I couldn’t even stand Hiwatari’s presence mere days ago, but I couldn’t help but notice that idiosyncrasy. When Hiwatari and I were good friends, he would always walk beside me, and I was too preoccupied with his face to bother paying attention to anything else.

Grumble.

Hearing my stomach growl, I slowed my pace down to distance myself from Hiwatari. I wanted to get home as soon as possible so I could shorten the time that I spent in his presence, but my stomach, hellbent on ruining my perfectly reasonable plan, decided to growl louder. Hiwatari turned around, looking somewhat startled, and I felt my face burn up from his attention.

“Harada-san, are you—“

“I’m fine.” My stomach decided to rumble yet again, and I hung my head down in embarrassment.

“We can stop by somewhere to grab food if you’d like.”

I nodded, lifting my head up to find a place to eat nearby. There were several fast food restaurants and convenience stores, many of them having popped up during my six-year absence, but I really wasn’t in the mood for unhealthy food. Not that I should be picky if I wanted to head home quickly, but I wanted something that I wouldn’t regret eating the next morning. I walked past Hiwatari, trying to see if there were any other places, but they all had a queue of people huddled close to their entrances.  

“Royal Host is close by,” Hiwatari spoke up behind me, as if he knew that nothing interested me here.

I turned to face him. “The one by the station?”

He nodded before brushing past me, leading the way to our destination without bothering to confirm whether I wanted to go or not. We used to meet up at this family restaurant for dinner whenever I wanted to personally see Hiwatari whenever he was busy. I wished he had recommended another place since I really didn’t want to revisit memory lane, but I wasn’t going to complain about it, especially if I could get some omelet rice…

I bumped into Hiwatari, who had stopped walking while I was preoccupied with my thoughts. “Sorry,” he apologized for what seemed like the umpteenth time. “I didn’t realize that I didn’t ask you if you wanted to eat there.”

“It’s fine.”

I pursed my lips, hating how forced everything felt. We stood there, stagnant and unmoving in the sea of people, and I looked at our new surroundings to see if I could avoid going to Royal Host. Luckily, I spotted a Starbucks nestled at a street corner.

“Um…why don’t we go there?” I suggested, pointing to the café.

Bobbing his head once more, he turned around and lead the way. He opened the door, letting me in before it shut behind us. The overwhelming aroma of coffee washed over me, and a brief memory of the many late night study sessions and early morning caffeine runs (for tea) at coffee shops flashed through my mind. Hiwatari headed for the counter first, ordering an americano and pausing a beat before turning towards me.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll pay for myself.”

He faced the cashier again and paid before passing by me, choosing to sit at a table close to the entrance. I watched him take out his phone, opening what seemed like LINE before looking at a wall of text, before I turned back around to the menu, deciding on an iced tea, a bakery item, and a wrap. After I paid, I joined him at the table and pulled out my own phone.

Checking through my messages, I briefly replied to the ones Riku and Daisuke sent, hoping that some word from me could stave off their unnecessary worrying. I smiled looking at Ritsuko’s barrage of texts that started off relatively calm before devolving into a mess of typos and all caps. I also had a message from Saehara asking if I wanted to come over to Akane’s apartment for dinner to which I replied that it was about damn time before busying myself with anything, everything, to avoid conversing with Hiwatari.

He shuffled out of his seat to grab his drink but didn’t return, so I assumed he went to the restroom. When I heard my name, I was about to get up and grab my order, but I settled back down when I saw him returning with our food. I hesitantly mumbled thanks, uncomfortable with this chivalry, before digging into my food.

“Sorry,” he said again in the middle of my bite. What the hell was he apologizing for now? “I didn’t realize it would be this difficult to talk to you.”

“The feelings are mutual.”

Hopefully, that would end any possibility of Hiwatari speaking up again so I could eat my food and put this night past us. We stayed quiet for a while, me enjoying my food while Hiwatari absent-mindedly scrolled through whatever he was reading on his phone while periodically sipping his drink. Well, until something compelled him to open his mouth yet again.

“I…want to make this up to you.”

“Why?”

“Our…relationship isn’t going to get better if we run away and refuse to communicate. I want to make things right with you, if only to make this easier to bear…for both of us.”

“Hiwatari-san, keeping this cordial and impersonal is the best way for both of us. Going any further than that is…”

“Dangerous? Difficult? Nigh-impossible?”

“Exactly, so why are you insisting on this?”

He didn’t answer, resorting instead to look out the window. I followed his actions, wondering what was so interesting outside. There were just passersby and the fluorescent lights of signs and cars: nothing particularly interesting but somehow hypnotic in a way. The rhythm of the mellow jazz song softly playing in the background followed the beat of everything outside, lulling me into a brief trance.

“Because seeing you act this way because of me hurts too damn much to bear.”

I spun around with my eyes widened in shock, gasping when I found him already facing me. Instead of hiding it behind his blank expression, behind those glasses that helped to disconnect him from the world, his bared it all for anyone to obviously see. His furrowed eyebrows cast a slight shadow onto his face from the lighting above, contrasting the light colors of his eyes that crinkled in pain. And his mouth, always shaped into a slight frown, slanted in discomfort.

The cruel joke that had bubbled inside of me to break the tension around us disappeared. I managed a small smile to get my mind off the swirling emotions inside, but I could already feel my voice bubbling up in my throat, threatening the truth I could no longer keep inside.

“Satoshi, you know that I’m only like this because you hurt me…right?” I croaked, struggling to speak while my throat closed itself in on my voice.

“…I know.”

I inhaled, trying to keep a hold of the composure that I knew would break soon. “Then please,” I begged, painfully aware of my cracking voice, “leave this be. I shouldn’t have you in my life anymore; I shouldn’t even care about you, but seeing you like this…it’s…”

I couldn’t finish. The tears broke out, and I brought my hands to my face to hide and suppress the screams threatening to escape. And Hiwatari, knowing full well of his place in my life, could only sit across from me, facing the consequences of his actions and knowing, with every fiber of his being, that he shouldn’t be comforting me.

After I finally calmed down, I quickly finished my food, and we resumed our trek back to my house. The walk was silent between us, and I expected Hiwatari to leave once we arrived, but he let himself in, lying down on one of the sofas. I went into the kitchen, guzzling down a bottle of water to hydrate myself from all my crying before I joined him in the living room, settling down on a chair close to him.

“Why are you still here?” I asked, resting my head on the armrest.

“Tired,” he mumbled placing his glasses on the nearby table before rolling around to hide his face.

I watched him for a while until my parents appeared, wondering if Riku and I were back yet. Apparently, my sister was still out with Daisuke, so they just stayed in the living room for a bit, asking if I was okay in hushed tones to not disturb Hiwatari. I told them I was fine even though I was sure that I looked terrible, but they didn’t push me for answers and returned to their room without a fuss.

I grabbed the nearby remote, turning on the television and browsing through the channels before settling on one that was showing an American rom-com. Even though it was rife with clichés, I reveled in its predictability and the character’s stupid antics, trying to keep my laughter down so I wouldn’t disturb Hiwatari. When the movie finished, the front door opened, and I heard Riku and Daisuke. They said their goodbyes before the door closed, and a lone pair of footsteps echoed through the house.

Turning around, I saw Riku in a dress that hugged her torso, flowing down a little past her knees. She complemented it with matching accessories and well-done face of makeup, and I was impressed. To think that she was hopeless with fashion years ago.

She approached me, and I braced myself for a slap or a long tirade or well…something, but she pulled me into an embrace instead.

“What perfume are you using so I could steal it?” I asked, mostly joking.

She let go with a huge smile on her face. “You must be fine if you’re able to joke around like that.”

“Mostly, yeah. I was kind of scared you’d be upset or something.”

“I was worried, not upset. Especially after your dinner at Daisuke’s house.” Riku turned towards Hiwatari’s resting figure on the sofa, and she looked at him in confusion “Why is Hiwatari still here?” I shrugged. “You should wake him up since I’m back. And make sure you drop by my room when you come up.”

“So that you can scold me and probe into the depressing recesses of my mind?”

“No!” she responded, upset that I even suggested it. “I just wanted to talk about anything: the perfume, your life…you know, to catch up with my sister since we’ve been so busy. And if you’re comfortable with me poking my nose where it doesn’t belong, that too.”

“Fat chance of that happening,” I told her. “But I’ll take you up on talking about everything else. Maybe with a couple of beers?”

She laughed, shaking her head at me before walking up the stairs with a womanly grace she probably also picked up during my absence. I went to Hiwatari, gingerly shaking him awake while whispering his name until he moved. He slightly rolled over but was clearly still asleep.

“Risa, please forgive me.”

I blinked, wondering if the external stimulus of me calling his name triggered it before deciding to play along just for the hell of it. “I’ll forgive you if you wake up.”

And he did, as if those words worked. I backed away, startled at the impeccable timing. Luckily, he didn’t notice having just woken up, and he slowly sat up and put his glasses back on.

“Is Riku back?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Standing up, he headed to the entrance and said his farewell before disappearing into the crowds of the night. Closing the door behind me, I headed to the kitchen, grabbing two beers and some snacks before heading up to Riku’s room to forget about the day’s events by chatting the night away.

[jamaisallee]

tag games

ok in the last little while i was tagged in 3 things (thank you very much) and instead of answering them in a timely fashion like a normal person i did them all today and i’m putting them under the cut here because they’re super long... i tag @thefoxystranger​ @thispieisworthit​ @havent-the-faintest​ @ballettrash​ @icarushugo​ @backstagefright​ @neontotoro​ and anyone else can say i tagged them to choose your favorite and do it!!

1. i was tagged by @icarushugo​, tysm!!!! i love these

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag:

1. earbuds

2. crumpled origami cranes

3. too many dry pens and possibly one useable one

4. a nice gem if i’m feeling bad (lapis, jade, rose quartz, or blue lace agate depending on what i need)

5. if i have any cinnamon gum left

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bedroom:

1. my window seat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. one of those rotating crystals that throws rainbows around the room i am gay

3. two ziplocks full of magazine cut-outs i’m not creative enough to actually collage with

4. too-small bookshelf

5. a wall of aesthetic shit, hard to explain and i love it but i also spend ages paranoid that everything’s crooked

Five Things I Want To Do With My Life:

1. .........staying alive until college hopefully (i’m sorry for the negativity but that’s sorta my priority rn)

2. fall in love again

3. write again

4. learn lots of languages

5. be someone’s mentor

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

1. authentic one-on-one time with friends

2. music

3. beautiful poetry/film/stories/etc

4. my sister when she’s in a good mood

5. little kids

Five Things On My To-Do List:

1. asl homework

2. other homework

3. make gifts for march-birthday friends

4. catch up on a bunch of tv shows

5. bake something for the pride dance our qsa is hosting!

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

1. my family tends to bother me a lot but they’re also the only people who can really make me feel like myself

2. i used to live in lexington, ma where the first shot of the american revolution took place! pretty cool

3. i really like cities/crowds where i can be anonymous and there’s lots of neat characters to people-watch

4. i used to compete but now skate at a non-competitive rink where i’m on 2 skating teams chock-full of bossy straight girls but tbh i really like it, especially when the music blasts across the ice

5. i know all the words to every high school musical song

2. tagged by @ballettrash (hi there & thank you!!!! <3)

nicknames: nothing really, just cali

star sign: aries (doesn't fit me at all)

height: 5'8"

sexual orientation: queer

ethnicity: white

current time: 11:25 am

last thing i googled: “mitski san francisco” bc i’m trying to see if i can go to the concert

favorite music artist(s): right now, aurora! but i tend to like random songs rather than particular artists

song stuck in my head: signed, sealed, delivered (i'm yours) by stevie wonder

last movie i watched: keeping up with the joneses (with my family)

last tv show i watched: i’ve been watching so. much. friends. it cracks me up

what i’m wearing rn: black tee, pale jeans, oak-leaf socks, green keds

blog created: a little more than a year ago

follower count: reluctant to admit it's 71 (for the record i block all the bots/pornblogs)

why did i choose my url: it describes me pretty well, most of the time i want to be a fairy or a forest or something else please

gender: female

hogwarts house: used to be slytherin and i totally owned it, but i've changed a lot since then so idk

average hours of sleep: 8 :)))

lucky number: ???

favorite characters: amelie, lupin, tons of others i can’t think of

dream job: literary translator or esl/special education teacher maybe

number of blankets i sleep with: a sheet and either a quilt/comforter depending on the season

favorite fruit: nectarines

favorite season: fall

favorite book: can't choose, but harry potter has probably has made the biggest impact

favorite flower: chicory or lady of banks rose or cornflower or or or

favorite scent: my old house (laundry detergent sunlight and chamomile)

favorite color: blue-gray or midnight blue

favorite animal: fox

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: tea

cat or dog person: as much as i love my pup, probably cats

dream trip: road trip in the pacific northwest with friends

3. tagged by @icarushugo​ again! <333 thank youuu

1: Are you named after someone?

my middle name (danae) is after my yaya

2: When was the last time you cried?

a couple days ago when my mom told me i might have to start eating meat again

3: Do you like your handwriting?

i actually love it

4: What is your favorite lunch meat?

...tofu (i'm veg)

5: Do you have kids?

no

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

self esteem says no, but i'd hope so

7: Do you use sarcasm?

ohhhh nooooo i never use sarcasm

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

yeah

9: Would you bungee jump?

i was about to say yes but the more i think about it i probably wouldn't and idk why

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?

honey bunches of oats tbh

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

no

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

no

13: What is your favourite ice cream? Ever, ever?

ever ever= dark cherry and vanilla, but if i can't have it then any peanut and chocolate combo is a+++

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

probably the way they're standing (and the judgements that pop up based on that like are they confident or little or intimidating)

15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

this is a terrible question! in general my body image is a landmine, but i will say that sometimes i like my hair and my eyes and that i'm tall. anyone who i tag, you're welcome to turn this around to your favorite thing instead

16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

blue jeans and pastel green keds

17: What are you listening to right now?

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

i feel like a maroon but what do you guys think?

19: Favorite smell?

(like i said in the other one, my old house)

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my sister asking her if she wanted us to pick up a smoothie

21: Favorite sport to watch?

skating!

22: Hair color?

no one can decide, especially because it changes with the seasons. i say it's like leaves in the gutter but my family calls it strawberry blond

23: Eye color?

blue

24: Do you wear contacts?

no, i'm the only family member with perfect vision!

25: Favorite food to eat?

right now i really like this apple-cinnamon butter from an orchard in my town in canada

26: Scary movies or comedy?

comedy, i don't see the appeal of scaring yourself for fun??

27: Last movie you watched?

keeping up with the joneses (w/ my family)

28: What color of shirt are you wearing?

black

29: Summer or winter?

winter

30: Hugs or kisses?

kisses

31: What book are you currently reading?

a complicated kindness by miriam toews

32: Who do you miss right now?

charlie but i'm working on it

33: What is on your mouse pad?

it's 2017 i barely remember what a mouse pad is

34: What is the last TV program you watched?

friends

35: What is the best sound?

there are so many good ones, but for sure one answer is whatever song you need to hear at that moment (does that count as cheating?)

36: Rolling stones or The Beatles

beatles all the way

37: What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

japan

38: Do you have a special talent?

i'm a good whistler, i can usually knot a cherry stem with my tongue and i have a really good shoot the duck (skating trick) and can do it either foot any direction

39: Where were you born?

chicago