#I even have a high maintenance spouse to deal with

[saint-mona]

I like to think I throw out my own Linda McCartney vibes.

I live in the country, grow my own food, raise a few kids AND I'm perpetually stoned through it all.

We're basically the same person....

[bogor-o]

OKAY so first off my narilamb au is specific to my lamb n nari bc 🤪 but imma start off w/ an incomprehensible copy/paste of a ramble i had

all these ramblings are still rough but u kno!!!!

it's a bridgerton au specific 2 my narilamb(ovidia/narinder) where the bishops would be the closest to the bridgerton family equivalent and Shamura being the head of family trying to help their siblings find courtship so they will be set but narinder would be the most difficult of them all because hes stubborn and convinced that being married would make him miserable and every season hes had several interested suitors but hes rejected them all until he comes across ovidia, now considered a spinster after several unsuccessful seasons because all their previous suitors found them too high maintenance and itd be no different with narinder but itd be similar to bridgertons kate/anthony situation and they're so into eachother it makes them look fucking stupid!!!!

ALRIGHT now to get more into it, as far as family and dynamics go, obviously with Shamura being the head of the family they very meticulously keep things in order and its why their considered one of the most affluent families and they've very easily found partnership because it was probably more business than anything but it works for them, and when time came for kallamar to start looking it was smooth because of how enthused he was, and it was really obvious with him how many wanted in

the way i see it, nothing is strictly monogamous, but it's seen as "lower class" to have too many spouses because the merging of so many families is probably seen as greedy, desperate, something something for one reason or another-- that said, kallamar definitely has multiples, and if not for being such a prestigious family and shamuras own reputation, it couldve been worse so they got a freebie there

but with narinder, having seen the way his brother is with his spouses vs the way shamura is with theirs, hes seen an instance of a loveless business deal in one, and complete obsession to the point of disregarding everything else that hes so fucking disinterested in courtships especially in the way its been presented to him

hed be able to hold off shamura long enough to get away with putting off courting anyone, a lot of it having to be about "focusing on his studies and career" and while hes had PLENTY of potential suitors come knocking but he's always turned them away but when time comes for heket to debut its when the pressure is really on for narinder

THEN on the flipside there ovidia who has been insistent on taking on every role in their family, the head of which is the oldest matriarch who has yet to decide on who the next head will be and they have TRIED to court people but every potential suitor has just not lived up to the impossible standards theyve set but even WHEN theyre about to settle- something goes wrong and the courtship sinks and its always on the others terms

their family is large, but theyre only wealthy in the sense that such a large family that sticks together can hardly fail when everyone does their part. that alone make their name well known even if its unconventional

its at the start of the latest season that they try again where they first meet narinder and while everything almost seems perfect, the chemistry is almost instant but then they get a little too candid and ovidia talks too much about their situation and it triggers the part of narinders brain that fears becoming like shamuras marriage and a scathing remark both stuns and pisses off ovidia

one second everything is amazing, they seem to be on the same wave length, strong goals the other respects, even finding an initial attraction in the other but then he opens his mouth and theyve had it

they blow up at him and suddenly everything he does pisses them off and they'll start nitpicking everything about him and be right and their observations piss him off and then he starts going off on them along the lines of "i can see now why each season passes you by" to which ovidia is ready with a "as though your own haven't? one is left wonder if studying is why you've put off finding a spouse, or if that mouth of yours is to blame"

it self destructs right then and there and while they have no intention to cross paths again, of course they do

and it becomes some kind of pissing contest to find a spouse before the other does just to prove a point to the other than they CAN in fact find one and they both end up sabotaging each other unintentionally bc theyre still so into each other and in the short time they've gotten to know the other and even through the bickering it becomes apparent theyve put effort to remember things

its stupid, its messy, its what it is and im still thinking about it more.............

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller: Auction House Worldbuilding

Since we're heading into the auction proper, I thought I'd write up some information about how the auction house and thralls in general work in this universe. Nothing here is required reading for simply following the story.

The auction house is only just one wing of a mansion in the countryside owned by a fairly ancient vampire. It contains the prison cells, various rooms used for processing thralls (such as the shower room and the office Lily uses), kitchens for cooking human food, and the storage needed by the cleaning and maintenance staff. Upstairs there are some more preparation rooms, the display rooms used to show off the merchandise to prospective buyers before the auction proper. The auction itself is set up on a stage in the mansion's ballroom, with room for a few hundred vampires. The more posh among the auction staff, including Lily and Cecily, stay in richly appointed quarters in the upper floors.

This particular auction is a high-end one aimed at the wealthy and powerful of vampire society. It's staffed by a combination of travelers who go from auction to auction plying their trade and locals.

For a high-end auction, the main considerations when picking thralls to capture include:

Age. The vast majority of thralls sold are between the ages of 16 - 40. Taking children as thralls is considered extremely distasteful. Humans who are too old are seen as a greater health risk. Besides that, many vampires choose to keep particularly choice thralls for decades, and an older thrall means less years of enjoyment.

Isolation. The auction house doesn't want to have to deal with hunters or other meddling humans, and no vampire wants an angry family to come and burn his house down for kidnapping someone important to them. This is why the humans taken for these auctions are socially isolated ones. While the vampires will take people with jobs or acquaintances, they avoid people with close families, spouses and children who might seek out revenge. 

Health. This is extremely important to vampires. The blood of healthy humans tastes better and is more nutritious. Healthy humans are also less likely to experience complications from having their blood taken with frequency. While relatively uncommon, vampires can also catch contagious diseases from humans. For all of these reasons and more, vampires have a strong preference for humans who are physically healthy and well fed, and one of the benefits of buying from an auction house is to have some vetting.

Mental illnesses are largely exempt from this consideration, as all humans will have their minds molded regardless. Addiction to drugs or alcohol also makes a human undesirable. As this story takes place in the 1920s, modern conceptions of what is healthy or normal may not apply.

For this reason, the auction house generally avoids capturing humans in extreme poverty or homelessness, as at the very least many of them suffer from malnutrition. Desperate vampires in the lower rungs of vampire society have fewer qualms about it, though. 

Blood quality. This is more of an art than a science. Blood is graded by an expert before the auction. Some factors that influence the quality of a human's blood include general health, nutrition, favorite foods, and especially the presence of magic in a human's family tree. Any supernatural creatures in the human's distant past will improve their blood substantially. Of course, blood grades are just an expert's judgement, and vampires have differing preferences.

Obedience. The human's overall level of obedience, even before conditioning, will often influence what sort of thrall the human can be conditioned into, which then affects price.

There are other, more nebulous factors. Physical beauty can affect a vampire's choices. Among vampires who like to treat their thralls as companions, personality and interests are important. Some vampires prefer thralls with certain skills to serve the household, such as chores, maintenance, and guard duties.

Which brings us to the different classes of thralls. There are not hard-and-fast lines between these categories, but these are some of the terms vampires use:

Bloodbags: Derogatory term for a human who is unconscious, a vegetable, medically braindead, etc. It's strongly frowned upon to keep these. The quality of blood is considered poor, the human requires assistance with the most basic functions, and in polite vampire society, it's considered the ethical thing to do to mercy kill a human that ends up in such a state. When vampires keep bloodbags, it's behind closed doors.

Erased: Also derisively called cattle. These are humans who have had their personalities and memories entirely erased, and have been rendered mindlessly obedient to vampires. They are capable of understanding and following vampires' orders, although higher intelligence may be significantly suppressed. In general, they are still capable of the basic functions needed to keep themselves alive (hygiene, rudimentary cooking, keeping their own quarters clean, etc.) which makes them a "convenient" choice. This is the preferred sort of thrall for vampires who believe humans have no rights, and those who do not like humans at all and only require them for a meal. 

Pets: Pets are also rendered mindlessly obedient to vampires and routinely have their memories erased, but a little more of their personality is allowed to remain. The conditioning process leaves pets permanently glassy-eyed and docile. This class of thrall is what you would expect from their name -- treated as though they are house pets. Pets are also capable of the basics of taking care of themselves and may do simple household chores, but generally spend most of their days in leisure activities, sleeping in their owners' chambers or doing little crafts and hobbies. Pets are favored by upper class vampires who enjoy dressing them up in fancy clothes and doting on them. 

Servants: Servants are the most lucid among these types of thralls. They're generally allowed to keep the bulk of their mind, including their memories, and are only conditioned enough to make them obedient and loyal. Servants will generally retain whatever capabilities and knowledge they had prior and so are not only capable of taking care of themselves and household chores, but a wide range of tasks. Servants are also capable of running errands and generally mingling in normal human society without raising questions. Some vampires, those particularly sentimental towards humans, treat their servants as companions. This is the preferred sort of thrall for vampires who are sympathetic to human rights (but not to the point of giving up thralls entirely.)

Wild: Some vampires capture humans and keep them completely unconditioned, generally imprisoned or chained. This is generally considered inhumane if not sadistic by polite vampire society.

Some vampires, especially poorer or younger ones, simply feed on humans they find without taking permanent thralls. This is considered risky behavior that leaves the vampire vulnerable to hunters, revenge seekers, and humans who fight back.

Free: It's rare, but some vampires have completely unconditioned humans who give their blood willingly. This is often in the context of a vampire/human romantic relationship, which many vampires consider eccentric at best and deviant at worst.

A respectable auction house like the one in this story deals in Erased, Pets, and Servants. Within each class, there is a lot of additional nuance to how they're trained and treated. The auction house offers additional conditioning to mold newly bought thralls to their owners' specific needs. Lily will be handling this a lot after the auction, and she'll get paid handsomely for it.

Vampires, especially powerful ones, have psychic connections to their thralls. This can be used for simple communication over distance, sharing of emotions, and limited sharing of memories. The vampire is "in charge" of the connection and can ignore or sever communication with the thrall if desired. The thrall has no choice about receiving communication from their master. A similar relationship exists between vampire and sire.

Servants and pets could be restored to more or less their full human minds if they're freed from vampires, although it takes time and patience to do so (and, understandably, they're all changed and traumatized by the experience). It's generally not considered possible to completely undo the conditioning of an Erased, who suffer from permanent memory loss and personality changes even if freed.

Vampire hunters have ways of helping free thralls of vampiric influence, but they're far from foolproof. Hunters will sometimes mercy kill thralls who they think cannot be restored. Death of a vampire's master will also remove some of the vampire's influence from their thralls' minds, but not all.

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[inconmess]

Let's be honest..protecting Orym from people who want to bad mouth him at this stage in his life and traumatizing him simultaneously are basically two sides of the same coin at this point. Because he's gone so many years now without people who really understand and this can actually help him keep in healthy balance.

You can certainly argue the point with me if you want (I am admittedly still cementing my own head cannons) but I sort of suspect the only ones who ever got him THAT well were a) his mother when he was child and then later b) his spouse before Will was brutally killed.

And he hasn't stopped running since then long enough for anyone to figure him out on the same level as Will or his mother did. He just copes on his own instead with a bunch of well intentioned but far less truly mutually supportive friends.

(I totally buy the idea younsee, that our favorite half feral halfling warrior is at his core an absolute CHAOS GREMLIN with a strategist's mind but also also a worrier's brain that just *never* quits. He has likely always been both hyper and anxious and he and Will probably worked as well as the did because even though Orym was physically smaller Will also knew full he was 1) badass and 2) self defensively stubborn and 3) constantly anxious and 4) that anxiety/hyperactivity could leave him more than just a wee bit insane if he was left without and outlet. And so sometimes Will had to be prepared to either yell really loud, physically wear Orym out, or failing that to just SIT as needed on him.

Orym I suspect is very very high maintenance. But like every high strung guardian I have ever encountered, he'll be damned if he'll actually admit or ask for help with it.

Sorry about the delay, had some stuff to deal with. But yeah, Orym... being traumatised and protected is a double edged sword I must say... and also totally a runner when it comes to problems, from a young age. Be it towards the problem or away from it.

But I suppose Derrig and Keyleth came a close second to his mom and Will when it comes to understanding him? Keyleth mostly after Will's death but yeah.

So Chaos Gremlin Orym is struggling to be let out because the Terrified and Stubborn Anxious parts of him refuse to let him reign enough in fear of consequences, which changes when he meets th Crown Keepers but has to be reeled back in again thanks to Keyleth...

Maybe Will and Orym had a few coping techniques and interventions before (I am reminded of the way Caleb and Nott had their heists) so that they can have a perfectly balanced relationship... While also helping each other out.

But never will he ever ask for a break or help unless and until he really deems it to be necessary (which he won't)

[howtodivorceanarcissist]

A Look At Divorcing A Narcissist

Divorcing in a high-conflict situation requires patience, strategy, and a commitment to protecting one’s peace and dignity. When a marriage ends, many questions arise, particularly around financial support like spousal maintenance. Understanding what is spousal maintenance is crucial, as it provides financial assistance to a spouse who may need time to establish independence. In these situations, consulting a spousal support lawyer can clarify eligibility and ensure one’s rights are safeguarded, especially in complex, high-conflict divorces where each decision may be met with resistance. With professional guidance, a fair and peaceful outcome becomes achievable, even in challenging separations. Navigating entitlements is often difficult in divorces involving financial dependency or disagreements over assets. Many wonder what is a wife entitled to in a divorce settlement or what am I entitled to in a divorce. Each answer depends on factors like marriage duration, financial contributions, and shared assets. In marriages of many years, the answer to how long do you have to be married to get half of everything becomes particularly important. Consulting a legal expert helps clarify expectations and secure an arrangement that respects the contributions made throughout the marriage, fostering a fair settlement for both parties.

The emotional complexities intensify when dealing with difficult personalities, especially when divorcing a narcissist. Narcissistic individuals often make divorce proceedings contentious, refusing to compromise or engaging in emotionally charged behaviors. Learning how to divorce a narcissist includes strategies for staying emotionally grounded while legally protecting oneself. In cases where divorcing a narc brings heightened tension, seeking guidance from a spousal support lawyer helps manage these challenges effectively. Legal support can mitigate confrontations, allowing you to focus on moving forward with a dignified approach, even when faced with uncooperative or challenging behavior from a spouse. In high-conflict divorces, financial security remains a primary concern, especially for spouses who are transitioning out of financial dependency. Many seek answers to what is my wife entitled to in a divorce, particularly regarding spousal maintenance or how to apply for spousal maintenance. The process involves providing evidence of financial needs, marriage duration, and individual contributions. A well-structured maintenance arrangement can provide stability during this transitional period, ensuring that each partner has the means to start over. This step can be critical in high-conflict cases where financial disputes often add stress to an already challenging situation.

Maintaining peace in a high-conflict divorce requires a clear understanding of your rights, including what you may be entitled to. Questions such as how long do you have to be married to get half of everything are important when negotiating settlements. For those involved in a high-stakes separation, understanding what is a wife entitled to in a divorce settlement can prevent unnecessary disputes. By consulting legal professionals, one can secure a fair share of the marital assets and avoid common pitfalls that come with high-conflict divorces. This clarity supports a balanced approach, fostering a more peaceful transition to post-marriage life. Taking a dignified approach to divorce is empowering, helping individuals move forward with peace and purpose. For those who have dealt with difficult marriages, including divorcing a narcissist, the divorce process marks a step toward reclaiming independence and emotional stability. With support from experienced professionals, the journey becomes a path to freedom and new beginnings. Divorce, when handled strategically, allows individuals to protect their well-being, focus on personal growth, and eventually build a life beyond the constraints of a high-conflict marriage. Embracing this journey with dignity sets a solid foundation for a more fulfilling future.

[random-thought-depository]

Idea for a story I should write someday: a story kind of like the Babylon 5 episode Believers, but it’s obliquely referencing the continuity of consciousness arguments about uploading and teleportation.

The story’s equivalent of Shon is an alien from an intelligent species for whom unconsciousness is naturally super-rare; they don’t sleep, and they have a highly redundant nervous system that makes them very resistant to being “knocked out” by blunt force trauma or drugs. As a result, this species has developed philosophical arguments that a continuous stream of consciousness is constitutive of identity, and hence to lose consciousness is to die, and if somebody loses consciousness and then wakes up later that person has died and a new person who happens to have their memories has awakened in their body. This perspective is intuitive to them, in the same way “if somebody creates a perfect copy of you and then immediately kills the original you, you have died” is intuitive to us, and it’s the view of multiple mainstream religions and philosophies on their world. Their equivalents of the words awake and alive are more-or-less synonyms, their word for being born roughly translates as “awaken,” and their word for death roughly translates as “the cessation of movement and thought” (maybe they classify sessile organisms like plants and fungi as not alive, in the same way we classify viruses as not alive?).

Obviously, one consequence of this is that most surgeries in their society are done with local anesthetic, with the patient being carefully kept awake (”alive”) the whole time. But in this case a child of this species has an illness or injury that will definitely kill them (in the uncontroversial sense of the concept) if it isn’t remedied with an operation that definitely will result in a period of unconsciousness. And the story centers on a human doctor trying to convince the child and their parents that what they’re proposing will save the child’s life instead of just killing them and replacing them with a different person.

The take a third option happy ending would be that the doctor manages to find a way to do the operation while keeping the child conscious the whole time, but I think I prefer something a bit more bittersweet. So I’m thinking maybe they try something like that, and it works in the sense that the child physically survives and is fine, but it fails in that the child loses consciousness for a few minutes during the operation so the parents see them as having died.

Oh, they don’t filicide their own child like in the B5 episode or anything like that. They don’t think they’re an abomination or anything like that. They just think their child has died and been replaced with something like an identical twin. While unconsciousness is very rare among them, there have been cases throughout their history, and their culture has developed procedures for it. When a person dies and a new person awakens in their body, the new person is given a name (different from that of the original inhabitant of their body) and their equivalent of a baptism. The family of body’s previous inhabitant may adopt them. If they’re married, the spouse of their body’s previous inhabitant may marry them. They may adopt the children of their body’s previous inhabitant. They inherent the personal property of their body’s previous inhabitant, but they are not responsible for any debts and crimes of the previous inhabitant of their body, which are considered to belong to the dead person. The “dead” inhabitant of their body is given a funeral, with a small effigy of wood or wax buried or burned as a corpse would be. The “dead” inhabitant of their body is then given the same daily prayers for the dead as other dead immediate family members.

So, before the operation the child prepares for the possibility that they might lose consciousness by writing a letter to the inheritor of their body saying something like “Please don’t feel bad about inheriting my body, you didn’t ask for this, it isn’t your fault.” After the operation the child is given a new name and their equivalent of a new baptism and adopted into the family, as a foundling would be, and is introduced to their sibling as a new member of the family who happens to look like the dead sibling. The child inherits the personal property of the “dead” child, in this case a few toys and video games and the like. The parents arrange for their “new” child’s education to continue where the “dead” child’s left off, as they share the same memories (when they go back to their school - which is a small “neighborhood” school run by and for the community of their species on the space station the story takes place on - they are introduced to their classmates as a new student). The “new” child participates in the funeral of the “dead” child and before every evening meal participates in the daily prayers for the dead, in which the “dead” child is mentioned by name as other dead immediate family members are. The “new” child will celebrate their birthday on the anniversary of the operation, and the day of the operation will be counted as the day of their birth (“awakening”). Basically, the parents are as nice about the whole thing as they can be, but they really believe that they’ve lost a child and gained a new one (through no fault of the new child!), and they and the rest of their immediate community act accordingly.

Some time later the human doctors gets invited to participate in some sort of ceremony for the “new” child, formal acknowledgment of them having finished memorizing some sacred scripture in their school or something like that. They give the human doctor the role in the ceremony that the midwife who assisted in the child’s birth would normally have.

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Some peripheral notes for this concept:

In the setting of this story, humans are a relatively minor race; Earth is an unusually densely populated world, but on the periphery of known space and relatively backward, humans only developed a high-tech civilization recently and haven’t spread out much and are a small percentage of known space’s population. The human doctor is one of the few humans on a trade hub space station, or at least one of the few humans who’s part of the official staff; most of the humans there are part of the station’s working/lower class, a mix of low-level maintenance and dock workers, small-time shopkeepers, entertainers and service workers of various sorts, homeless people, and petty criminals (with a fair amount of fluidity between those classes).

Sleep is a weird thing humans do in this setting; it’s unique to humans (and other Earth animals), other intelligent species don’t need it or do it. However, most intelligent species don’t have the “unconsciousness = death” belief, because while most intelligent species don’t sleep they are more familiar with unconsciousness as a semi-normal thing from people passing out drunk, getting knocked out in a brawl, etc.. Maybe there’s even one or two intelligent species who don’t sleep regularly but can hibernate in periods of resource scarcity like bears or go into torpor if the temperature gets too low (common alien words for human sleep might translate to things like “micro-hibernation” and “false thermocoma”). It’s just this one species for whom unconsciousness is naturally super-rare so their culture developed in a context where it was some extraordinary, freakish, even eldritch-seeming thing.

In this context, the human doctor experiences some of the limitations of humans as something a lot like a disability. She can’t regularly work the 20+ hour shifts that are normal for her colleagues, because she needs to sleep. She needs more time off than most of her colleagues, because normal alien schedules are made around the assumption of effectively having an extra eight hours every day to get stuff done. Because the aliens are active 24 hours, most intelligent species have much better night vision than humans, so to save on energy and burned out light bulb equivalents the common area and default lighting on the space station is what a human experiences as semi-darkness. She wears basically night vision goggles most of the time to be able to easily work in what the aliens consider normal indoor lighting conditions. A lot of the alien tools and furniture are the wrong size and shape for her, and she gets a friend in the station’s machine shop to recut and otherwise modify a lot of the medical tools for her. Humans are relatively unusual in the wider galaxy and kind of funny looking even by the standards of a relatively cosmopolitan multi-species society (the more typical body plans for an intelligent species are “six-limbed quadruped with four legs and two arms” and “kind of like a theropod dinosaur”), so common alien furniture is really not built for her (the human sitting posture is super-weird and freaky by alien standards, they tend to get uncomfortable just looking at it), and she gets kind of a lot of people (especially children) staring at her and wanting to touch various parts of her and so on, but it’s mostly benign curiosity. She’s uncomfortably aware that she’s a “diversity hire” (the alien polity that runs the station likes to hire members of their various allied and subject races to give them a sense of inclusion) and that a lot of people kind of resent having to do all these accommodations for her instead of just hiring a normal person.

The family of the sick child actually have a kind of parallel experience. Their world is even more marginal and peripheral than Earth and they’re a small minority in the galactic population, and the space station was built by and primarily for beings smaller than them so they have to deal with a lot of uncomfortably small tools and furniture and spaces or stick to special areas and facilities for bigger beings. This is a universe where big alien theory is true, so they’re actually more-or-less average size for an intelligent species, but the most numerous races are around human size so around human size is what gets treated as normal size for a person to be. Note: around human size with quadrupedal or theropod-like body plans translates to the human doctor has to stoop to fit inside a lot of small corridors built for beings substantially shorter than humans, but thankfully the station is designed for a cosmopolitan crowd so at least the bigger public spaces are sized to be accessible to beings up to approximately the size of large sauropod dinosaurs (and the water-filled sections for water/ocean-dwellers are designed to be accessible to even bigger beings).

---------------

Rough draft/outline for some lines in a conversation that would happen in this story:

Human doctor: I sleep every day. Well, almost every day, anyway. <Laughs a little, then turns serious> Do you think I die every time I go to sleep? Do you think the version of me you talked to yesterday is dead, and I’m... What, the latest in a line of thousands of doppelganger-clones of [her name]?

Alien parent: I... <uncomfortable pause> My partner holds it as a matter of faith that is works differently for Humans, because the Makers would not be so cruel as to create a race that is born in the morning, lives one day, dies that night, passes their body on to a new person who continues their errands and then dies in turn the next night. But I’m a rationalist, and... <uncomfortable pause and squirming> ... If you really look at nature, you see a multitude of horrors. The buzzer-fly’s young tear it apart from inside and eat its corpse. Nature is amoral. I can believe nature would create such a thing as an intelligent race that lives one day. I... Honestly, I try to not think about it much, to preserve my sanity.

Human doctor: I slept last night. I don’t feel like I died. I feel like I’m the same person I was yesterday.

Alien parent: Suppose this question had an objective and testable answer, and it was that I was right. Suppose I could show you I was right, as I could show my ancestors the Red Thirst with a microscope and say “See, it is not a curse, it is a thing like a tiny plant, that gets inside you and grows inside you like a strangling vine.” What would you do? How would you react to knowing that you have hours to live, that you were born this morning and will die tonight and are but one in a long chain of inhabitants of your body who lived only one day, and your whole race is like that?”

Human doctor: <thinks about it for a moment> “I think I’d find some way to tell myself that it wasn’t true, that you were wrong, and then I wouldn’t think about it much, to preserve my sanity.”

Alien parent: “For what it’s worth, I really hope it doesn’t actually work like that. But I’m not willing to gamble my child’s life on ‘I really hope it doesn’t actually work like that.’”

-----------------

On that note: at some point the parents see the human doctor while she’s dozing at work and it’s intensely disturbing and creepy to them. An unconscious person is disturbing to them in the same way fantasy undead would be disturbing to humans: they’re simultaneously dead and alive in a way that seems unnatural in the sense people use when they use that term to refer to something horrible. I think I might have some fun describing human sleep in a way that channels a Lovecraft protagonist: “Alive, yet not alive. Clearly dead, but stirred by inward motion.”

It’s more logical when you remember that their language uses a lot of the same or similar words for life and consciousness and for death and unconsciousness. Like, yes, she is indeed [alive/awake] but not [alive/awake], clearly [unawake] but moving a little, those are totally factual observations, I’m just translating the emotional charge they’d have for these people.

One of these poor people would probably have a breakdown when they see their own child in that state on the operating table. :(

On a lighter note, there’d be comic relief potential in this too:

Alien child: “Are they dead?”

Alien parent: “Kind of, but it’s not as big a problem for them as it is for us.”

And also tragicomedy potential: at one point the alien child asks the human doctor what death is like, saying she should know since she dies every day.

Tangential note: I’m thinking the alien child’s race is hermaphroditic, in which case it’d be appropriate to use gender-neutral pronouns for them ... and they probably wouldn’t have a concept of gender (except insofar as they might have learned that some other species have such concepts), so it would make sense for them to use gender-neutral language when they talk about humans among themselves too; their language wouldn’t have gendered pronouns except maybe specifically as a device adopted for being polite to certain aliens when you talk to them. Not sure how I’d handle pronouns for hermaphroditic aliens in a story.

-----------------

Other character concepts for this story:

When it comes to having to deal with a station built by and for beings that have rather different bodies than you, the human doctor is lucky compared to her colleague and best friend, a giant whale-like being who does most of their work through teleoperation while sitting in basically a giant swimming pool.

This person’s homeworld is a cold planet almost entirely covered by ocean; only a few almost totally barren tiny islands rise above an otherwise uninterrupted sea so deep it drowns all but the very highest mountain peaks (with so little land, multicellular life on this world has never left the sea). Their species (which is hermaphroditic, hence the choice of pronoun) is very much like the filter-feeding whales of Earth. Evolution of their intelligence probably was driven more by social selection than intrinsic stimulation of their watery world; they live their life by The Game, a complex and ever-shifting web of relationships that determines social status, access to resources, and mating opportunities, and that contributes to their survival. They are highly intelligent (their brain probably weighs more than you do!), and they might have tentacles or a manipulatory tongue or something, but before known space society found them and offered them access to space travel their watery world offered them little opportunity to develop technology. It’s unknown how long they’ve been sapient, but their oral history includes accounts of an asteroid impact that happened several million years ago.

This character thinks most of their people are good-natured but provincial. They’re good folks, but once you’ve gotten through the latest permutations of The Game and last year’s migrations and the plan for next year’s migrations and what the krill tastes like in various places these days the conversation tends to just kind of drift there like a sea-plant. They remember the 74th year of their life; the most interesting thing that happened that year was their pod passed close to an island. Why, on Earth, that was the year humans sent their first crewed expedition to Mars! They left their world to find a more interesting life.

They can use their powerful sonar to “see” inside their patients and still swear by this vs. the more advanced high-tech instruments.

--

The case of the sick child ends up involving a lawyer. He’s a member of another minor species of known space society, an arboreal intelligent species that originally inhabited the forests of a humid world. The evolution of intelligence in his species was driven mostly by social and sexual selection, like the whale people but moreso. His species is highly intelligent, but mostly uninterested in physical problems; in their original society most of their intelligence was focused on socialization, mating strategies, and art (the art was part of the socialization and mating strategies). When wider known space society found them, they were living as hunter-gatherers with a rich artistic tradition but a Stone Age level of technology. Examination of their world’s fossil record indicated that they had existed at that level for over a hundred million years. However, once integrated into a high-tech interstellar society, they became very successful as artists, lawyers, politicians, and business people, and can be found in those professions in numbers greatly disproportionate to their percentage of known space’s population. He is colorful and beautiful, like a peacock, and for the same reason.

[veliseraptor]

What would Jiang Cheng be like as a spouse / romantic partner ?

Are we talking, like, Canon-Typical Dysfunction Jiang Cheng or some hypothetical post-canon future where he’s had some time to sort through/deal with his shit? 

I mean, either way the answer that comes to mind is Bad. Or at least, like, hard.

(Disclaimer that I increasingly headcanon Jiang Cheng as ace, which of course is another layer of negotiation in any of this. Also disclaimer that all of this comes from a deep place of love, the fact that Jiang Cheng would make a terrible boyfriend is just an artifact of many of the same reasons that I love him very much.)

But like. Jiang Cheng is not someone who functional relationships well, in general, regardless of the kind of relationship. He’s prickly, he’s high strung, constantly stressed, has a very demanding job, and tends to channel most if not all of his emotions through the medium of anger. He is just! Not the easiest to get along with. Lord love him, but boy is not what you could call “easygoing” or “open and communicative.” 

Communication in any long term relationship is pretty key and communication is a thing that Jiang Cheng is just not very good at, at all. He is, in fact, bad at it. 

Then there’s the fact that his biggest model of a spousal relationship growing up was aggressively dysfunctional and both triggered and fostered the abuse of himself and his siblings. Not only does this mean that Jiang Cheng’s ability to know how to successfully manage that kind of relationship is pretty jacked (it’s hard to do that without models to work from! and we know Jiang Cheng’s emotional functioning is pretty fucked from that upbringing), I think he’s also deeply paranoid about repeating his parent’s mistakes and especially about becoming his mother. This means that he’s reluctant, I think, to commit to a marriage at all - he’s seen how much damage a bad one can do and that makes him a little paranoid.

(He knows he’s like his mother. He’s not really necessarily proud of that fact.)

He’s also massively insecure, with an abandonment complex the size of a small continent. He doesn’t really believe in other peoples’ love and care for him as a person, and tends to sort of think that it’s contingent or fleeting and probably people are looking for an excuse to ditch anyway. Which...both a) makes him reluctant, I think, to take the risk of trying to make any deep emotional connections to begin with and b) means he’s often sort of closed off as a protective defense mechanism and c) requires a lot of work reassuring him that no, you are not about to cut and run.

All that being said, if he could make it work, if he could sort through some of this and calm down a little, he’d be a deeply devoted spouse who would really, really want to make whoever he was with happy. Because whatever else you say about Jiang Cheng, he is dedicated, he is loyal, he throws himself into the things that he applies himself to with 110% energy, and he takes care of his own. 

Having a Jiang Cheng on your side/at your side is a very good thing! It’s just sort of hard to get him there, and he’s sort of high maintenance to keep happy. (He will stick around even if he’s not happy, because again, loyal, and also abandonment issues, but. He won’t be happy and you will know it.)

[howtosurvivebeingsingle]

I Do, Do I?

If you follow my regular blog that I rarely post on, you'll know that my heterosexual roomie proposed to me. The thing is, we're both hetero females that decided that instead of getting married by 50 at the rate we're going, we may as well. The amount of benefits married couples get while they're still in college is ridiculous. We have friends that live a town away that are both married since they graduated high school and the amount of money they were able to save landed them a cozy four-bedroom house. Sounds too good to be true, and believe me I wish it were. I am still attending my local university myself trying to double major, as is my roommate. We both have multiple jobs to support our apartment but with expenses, we're borderline broke. There's enough to get by, that being said when classes start is where the trouble begins. Marriage is looking pretty tempting right now. Is it really all it's cracked out to be? Here are the details I've heard so far; You get generous financial aid meaning starving is less likely, Married life is less expensive which is less cost of living in an apartment or house, Mutual motivation from your spouse (depends but mine's fine), and it prepares you for what marriage is actually like.

In Short, my maybe wife and I will pay less for college, less for housing, have that emotional support most people lack, and get a taste of what being married to a man is like (sort of). The bargain is that if we actually go through with this, we'll still date men as we please and if we're in an actual relationship and the guy proposes we get a divorce. Imagine your maid of honor is your ex-wife? There's more humor to it. He picks you up for a date and she's watching tv. Before you go, "Bye Honey!", or she gets the door for you and introduces herself as your actual married wife. The situation is so complex that I'm actually near writing a book about it. Here's where I advertise my Finding Mr. Darcy book trilogy that's in the works. If there's one thing I know about, it's being single. I'm the Carrie Bradshaw of singles instead of sex, that is if I can even claim that title. I asked my friend if he thought being married had all the perks and he said this; "It's a pipedream trying to trap singles into thinking life is better with someone else. True as that last statement maybe, the rest is not. The idea is that after marriage it's time to settle down. You move into a cottage in the plains, wide-open spaces where all the little kids can run around. Your husband comes back from work and the two of you snuggle in bed without a care, it's bullshit. Girls and I mean girls are too high maintenance now that you've got to give them everything they want or it's no deal. Hell, you're even lucky to find a woman who actually wants to care for you as much as herself. Total pipedream, and waste in this century."

That was the first time I had ever heard him speak so hopelessly about love. I expected an answer like "No, true love is out there somewhere." as he often said, but this was not the case at all. Either he was in a really bad mood that day, or I don't know my best friend like I thought I did. The next day, I decided to take a look at married couples in the workplace, by workplace, I mean my job in digital services. From what I was seeing was a lot of arguing. Either the man would be on the computer and the woman was nagging on him the whole time or the woman was on the computer and the man was making her feel like she was stupid. If both parties were separate, the wife would call every ten minutes to ask meaningless questions, or the wife was present with two or more hyper kids. It was hard for them to get anything done with or without their spouse present. I also decided to take a look at single parents and the closest one was my sister. In 2019, she got pregnant with my nephew by her boyfriend Will. She had him in march of 2020, so he's about a year old and beginning to get used to his legs. When she's home, she's stressed from being home from work, and on her off days, she's stressed with her son's rambunctious behavior. Our mother watches him when she's working her ten-hour shifts and leaves the rest to her when she gets back. Pretty soon it'll just be my sister and her kid when mom moves down south of the US. Both can verify that he's quite the handful and with my experience, he is. That doesn't mean I love him any less, but my share of babysitting isn't any easier.

The situation is mutual whether you're married or not with kids. Stress with a side of stress and exhaustion. Putting kids aside, I've seen couples without kids like my maybe wife's other best friend. Things seem all prim and proper when they come to visit, but according to her, they still manage to argue almost on a daily. My coworkers feel the same way about marriage life even when I had explained my situation. They continued to urge me to take things into careful consideration before jumping head into marriage. I kept getting negative answers from people despite my search to find some hope for the situation. Then the question crossed my mind; despite the fairytale images given to us in childhood, is it really worth the trouble of getting married?

Julie: "It always ends in tears. Someone leaves, someone dies, or you get a divorce."

Varsha: "So long as they compliment you. You need support from both parties for it to work."

Denny: "It depends. You don't need a man or woman to support you all the way, you can do fine just being single. My wife and I are great, but I'd be just as fine alone."

Enzo: "No. All odds are against you in the long run. The woman finds someone else to bug and takes half of everything."

Annie: "It's more of a want than a need. The best thing is not to be pressured into it if you're not 100% into it."

Vinny: "Only if you're ready and trust each other all the way."

Marcus: "The question you should be asking is if friendship is worth it. That's what it really comes down to."

Lori: "It can be fulfilling despite the fear of failure."

The answers kept leading me in circles and in the end, I wound up back where I started. It was a total toss-up of whether you got heads or tails, but I wasn't about to give in that easily. I decided to take my venture to a baseball game on Friday and what I saw there nearly startled me. A couple of 65 years renewed their vows at the stadium. I started to think that maybe all it did take was a bit of compromise and despite half the negativity from my interview and friends there really is someone for everyone. Perhaps the divorced people just haven't found the right person just yet. Like my grandmother on my mother's side, she married four men before she met my grandfather and they've been together almost fifty years. I guess you could say it was a task of trial and error, but it worked out in the long run. Neither of them has ever had a reason to want to divorce. Before I leave questions unanswered, yes my grandfather too also had his share of divorces. The numbers don't seem to matter, only the fact that there really could be someone out there for everyone. A glimmer of hope to end this rather late and brief update. I wonder if there really is hope, is there still time for we singles of every shade and orientation. Is there truly that soulmate we all long for somewhere besides where we are? Until next time and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

[vikingsarememes]

I love your Modern Ivar fics. Could you write something about Ivar coming home after a long day’s work, in pain and angered (maybe because of Sigurd). How would the reader react? A bath? A massage? A glass of wine? It’s up to you! 💖

Pairing: Ivar x Y/N

summary: Ivar had a very bad day at work and when he returned home, Y/N was there to make it all better

warnings: mention of bullying

word count: 1701

A/N: I really hope you like this one just like I enjoyed writing it!

After months of trying you were finally pregnant with Ivar’s child, you and your spouse were finally expecting a child of your own, after everyone told you it was impossible since Ivar’s productivity was questionable, you were four months pregnant and ever since Ivar discovered the news he’d create conversations with anyone he meets just to share the news and the updates on his child’s health.

You used to work as a high school teacher, but Ivar convinced you to take a break until you safely deliver the child, at first you opposed, but then he played the cripple card, and talked about his fears, the way his voice breaks when he speaks about those subjects was your weakness, so you ended up staying home, not that it was a bad thing, it was a little boring for your likings, but eventually Ivar would return home and make it up to you, whether with endless making out sessions or cuddles.

So it wasn’t unusual for you to prepare a nice meal and wait for your husband to return from his work, he was the IT specialist at Lothbrok’s company, family business, but your man was the best in his field, you were a little worried when he was twenty minutes late, he’d usually be hugging you now but he wasn’t here, and after an hour of being late, you started panicking, it wasn’t like Ivar to be late without giving you a notice, you called his brothers and they all told you he went out on time.

After two hours your husband came, the minute he opened the door, you rushed to him and hugged him, he didn’t hug you back, you knew something was wrong instantly, you pulled away and noticed the scars on his lips and forehead “Ivar, what happened?” you asked, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder as he limped to the couch, without answering, that was his way of telling you his legs hurt, you helped him sit down and pushed the coffee table closer to him, unstrapping his leg braces and lifting his legs up, Ivar looked down the whole time, even after all those years together, he still feels embarrassed of being in so much pain, he’d never admit he’s hurt, not because of his legs at least.

You went to the kitchen and brought the first aid box from under the sink and returned to your man, treating his injuries and giving him his painkillers which he took gratefully, you sat down next to him and placed your head on his chest, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, holding you made him feel at peace, you took his free hand and placed it on your belly bump, it took him a while to soothe himself down, to gather his thoughts, you didn’t say anything, you knew your husband well enough to understand he had a terrible day, you knew him well enough to know he’ll tell you what happened when he’s ready.

“Sigurd is an asshole” he finally muttered, you looked at him, waiting for further explanations “he pushed me off the stairs” he added, you decided that Sigurd was a dead man “accidentally but not that he tried to help me get up, I hate him” he continued “what happened love?” you asked so sweetly, he breathed “Bjorn and I were talking, you know, Gunnhild is pregnant as well, five months now, so he told me about how soon we’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat, he said he cries every time he hears his little ones’ heartbeat, and that the minute I’ll heart it too, I’ll be a changed man” you smiled a little, remembering in your next visit to the doctor, you’ll finally meet your baby.

“Sigurd heard, he kept acting like a bitch, Ubbe stopped him eventually, but when I was heading out, the elevator was under maintenance, I hate the stairs, I fucking hate them but I wanted to come back to you, as soon as possible, so I took them, and Sigurd was there, we descended together” he sighed and took a deep breath, “he told me to stop talking about baby stuff, it was making him sad, if the child lives, it will be a cripple or sick, and if not, then it will be even sadder because eventually they’ll learn how to walk, while I still crawl my way around sometimes” his voice was breaking with each word until you were able to see tears in his eyes, you caressed his cheeks “I talked back, of course, I did, like I always do, but he shoved me in the arm, my hand slipped from the crutches and I fell, he just walked away, without a second glance” 

“Sigurd is the worst brother of all time, don’t pay him attention” you heartened him and brushed his tears off, you got up and placed a kiss on his forehead “I’ll be right back” even though you hated leaving him alone, but after a day like this, your husband needed to relax and there’s one thing he loved to do when he wanted to relax, a fancy shower, you headed to the bathroom, and filled the bathtub with warm water, just the way he likes it, a little hotter than warm to stop his legs from aching, you put his favorite bath bomb, Jasmine’s scent, and candles, you put essential candles everywhere, your bathroom looked like a fancy one from a movie or Pinterest in ten minutes.

You returned to your man with his wheelchair, he hated it sight but he didn’t argue, he sat and allowed you to push him, being too exhausted to argue that he’s fine to walk, you pushed him to the bathroom and he raised an eyebrow at you “what? If you think I’ll let you sit and feel sorry for yourself you’re so damn wrong” he smiled a little and nodded, taking off his clothes, piece by piece, this you didn’t help him with, Ivar’s pride would be damaged the moment he thinks that you see him incapable of doing such a simple task when he’s in this state, he then helped himself into the tub.

You stood in front of him and took off your clothes, he likes watching you get naked, if it was up to him he’d keep you naked all the time just to admire your beautiful body, even more, that you’re with his child now, but this time, his eyes were focused on your belly, you sat down on his lap and relaxed on his body, letting the warm water take away all of your stress, you cuddled for a while quietly, until you decided it’s time to address the elephant in the room “Sigurd is just bitter, that he’s all alone now, and he sees his younger brother, loved, successful, better man than he’ll ever be, don’t mind yourself with his words, he’s jealous and pathetic” 

“Y/N, I didn’t think you had this darkness in you towards my dearest brother!” he laughed, you traced circles on his chest “I don’t like people who hurt my family, you are the man I love, and Sigurd just made a  pregnant woman very angry at him” you pouted, he placed a kiss on your lips then looked at you nervously “do you think it’s true? I mean, mother knew something was wrong with me before anyone else, do you have a similar feeling?” you sighed and shook your head “our child is okay, and next week we’ll visit the doctor who will only confirm my words, I feel radiant, so I suppose it means our child is healthy, your legs, it doesn’t happen genetically, you have my word as a biology teacher” 

“They’ll be ashamed of me, for being a cripple” he grumbled and you held his face, making him look you in the eyes “Ivar Ragnarsson, have I ever told you anything that didn’t come to reality?” he shook his head no “then hear me, and hear me well, our child will be born healthy, with kicking legs, and they’ll grow up to be strong, and loved by us, they’ll see you as the strongest man alive, they’ll be so proud of their father who told everyone who told him he can’t walk, get married, have children, be successful on his own, to kiss his ass! They’ll do the impossible  because that’s what they learned from you, they will be smart, and they’ll be loving” 

Ivar gave you a little smile which you returned “they’ll have everything good from us, I know this because mothers always know the best! It will be alright, I promise you that” you assured him again “what would I do without you in my life? My queen, the only person in this world who makes me feel complete” he whispered against your ears, his hand was on your belly, this time, his touch was soft, warm, it only made you happy, he was feeling better now and you loved it.

However, his other hand gave your breast a squeeze, only earning a moan from you and a smirk from him, “you know, I’m starting to think the whole bad day act is just to get it your way tonight” you giggled, teasing him a little, he did it again and you bit your bottom lip “so what if it was? You don’t seem to mind”, “get your ass to our bed, I want you now” you whimpered and got up.

The two of you dried your bodies then headed to your bedroom, Ivar can’t physically pick you up, but he can definitely set you on his lap and make out with you until you reached the bedroom, the two of you had a very hot sex, both so lust for each other, by the time you were done, you were exhausted, Ivar ended up falling asleep on your arms a few minutes later, but you, you picked your phone and sent a text to a particular Ragnarsson “the deal between us is off, I will come after you Sigurd for hurting him” you turned off your phone and fell asleep.

Tags: @flowers-in-your-hayr @lol-haha-joke

[mythicalcoolkid]

I think the most depressing aspect of being chronically ill is that people lose their sympathy and understanding

When they first learn about it they’re happy to be accommodating, help out during a flare, deep you company during the bad days. But after a while people loses their patience. “Aw, I’m sorry!” becomes ”again?” “That sucks man” becomes “don’t you always have that though?” People who promise to help you through flares, who promise you that they’re happy to do it and you’re not asking too much, get tired of dealing with you by the 20th bad day this month. You start feeling impatience in people because you’re sick, again, what a surprise

There’s a deep feeling of guilt that it instills in you. A feeling that no matter how good someone is, it has an expiration date before they abandon you. No matter how much reassurance you get otherwise, you always feel like too much. Too high-maintenance. You’re terrified that the people who stay are only there out of obligation. You feel like you have nothing to offer as a friend because you take so much just by being you. You feel guilty even thinking about wanting a close friend, a partner, a spouse, because you would be subjecting them to dealing with you day after day and you feel bad wishing that on another person. After all, if you don’t want to deal with you, why would anyone else?

[theopinionoftheredheads]

JS Compilation post

Another day, another compilation post dedicated to one of the irrelevant women in Chris’s life. Seriously anons, if you want this to become a thing, maybe we should discuss women that actually matter to him like his mom or Octavia Spencer. We would love discussing those! 

These are old asks, so some questions might have already been answered (like the book chapters). All the asks can be found below. 

So now that Jenny has gotten her own post on this blog, I feel like you anons have given her more attention than Chris ever has. Let’s focus back on him and the beautiful Dodger content he blessed us with today. At least we know he treats him like a good boy. 

Red & Ginger

Notice Chris never says anything bad about his ex’s. If the chapter was about him it must of been a punch in the gut. Bet he’s never read the book. 

*****************

Fans disliked JS not because of her book but because she cheated on her husband just to be with Chris. She tweeted horrible things, she deleted those but some blogs still have screenshots just google it. She was trolling Chris fans all the time while they was "dating". In my personal opinion she's a horrible woman. She pretends to be a feminist but she's far far far away from real feminist. 

*****************

In my opinion, JS seems like she is very high maintenance and her mind runs a million miles a minute that would be too overwhelming for me to deal with. And I’m only basing this off of the interviews I seen with her.

*****************

She always refers to Dean (her ex husband) as her husband in the book. She always makes sure to make that distinction between husband and boyfriend. It's obvious that she's talking about Chris. She also mentions Dodger without naming him. Just read between the lines. If you were there for the Chris/Jenny saga since the beginning, it's not very difficult to decipher.

*****************

He eats gross, I mean the man admitted he can not cook really well? Or is there another meaning behind that? 🧐

*****************

"I am tired of sinking down to a lower place to be with men. I am tired of throwing a tarp over some of my personality so that the shape of my identity suits some gross man a little better,for whatever shitty things he needs to do in order to keep his boring identity erect & supreme. I am tired of buying my own flowers. I am tired of having to hold my breath through Val’s Day the way you do when you drive past a graveyard" Sounds like karma to me Maybe stop blaming & take it as her own fault too

*****************

JS comments “What’s the same about us is not just that we’re from Massachusetts, which was such a delight, but Chris is truly one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, to the point where sometimes I would look at him & it would kind of break my heart. He’s really vulnerable, & he’s really straightforward. He’s like primary colors. He has beautiful, big, strong emotions, and he’s really sure of them. It’s just wonderful to be around. His heart is probably golden-colored, if you could paint it.”

*****************

Sorry to bother you again but do you or anyone else know what chapter/s to look for so I don’t read the whole thing?

*****************

The podcast jenny slate talked about slapping chris on was anna ferris’ podcast. It still up, just search for it in podcasts. He was on it too, he was laughing about it. Idk about timing but they were claiming to just friends at the time but i think they may have started hooking up by then.

*****************

Tbh I can't imagine Chris' lifestyle is that unhealthy. I mean, c'mon he looks so damn fine. I think he and especially his body and his skin would show some signs.

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You know when it comes to Hollywood celebrities relationship money bring them attention then they talk about relationship good or bad or even the ugly they don’t care they just want attention and shit And I always hated that cause relationship is supposed to be private that’s why Chris said he wants to be private with his love life

*****************

Unfortunately, celebrity gossip sells even when it comes from the horse's mouth. You take JS talking about CE that’s going to get more eyes simply because CE has such a high profile. It not right, and like you said, it should stay between them. She wanted to sell her book, so who knows how much is true maybe none of it, perhaps all of it, or somewhere in between.

*****************

Thank you for correcting me I got confused but I knew it was before lobby hero started they broke up

*****************

“ The apartment hunting was fake news same as Chris searching for a ring to propose to Jenny. They broke up in early January.” I don’t think the apartment hunting was fake. The way it was framed may have been but she probably did tag along with him while he looked for somewhere to stay while he did Lobby Hero.

*****************

“ Yes. It seemed very odd since CE and JS were both in Atlanta at the time & Chris didn’t have time off then.” Chris was able to fly out to her comedy shows when he was filming so they could have flown to look at apartments in his free time. It’s not that far fetched. I don’t think they were moving in together but this was around the time Lobby Hero was announced so he was probably looking for somewhere to stay since rehearsals for that began right after he wrapped Endgame.

*****************

Anon JS, in her book, said CE eating habits are gross, and he smokes.

*****************

I though JS said she did like his beard in the comedy show?!? That info is not mentioned in her book

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Ewww i nearly threw up that ask about his eating habits why would she ever say something like that 😷

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I think she was like... He dumped me for good, he's not in love, don't want me back at all, so let's be mean in this book

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Aww, man, if that anon story was real, I really, really feel bad for the guy. All the comedy shows I watched, I've never really seen spouses/SOs being the brunt of the joke. Everyone knows who her bf is, everyone knows who the joke is about. Not too nice.

*****************

Did JS bad-mouthed CE?? I have come across certain fans who claim she has but I never got the whole story!

*****************

I wonder if he read that book and even not reading how he must have felt knowing how she described / exposed him that way.

*****************

Was that other anon agreeing with me because I never said someone should change for anybody else, I said the same thing she CHOSE to change for him but it’s all on her (if it was agreeing then ignore this and yes the burn book was very juvenile to do)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

merkleymrack replied to your post “kinda a funny shtick of mine that i’m aro and have such strong takes...”

(1)i agree with u 100%, i think love is hyped up so much, partially because people looove the narrative that love can save you in some way. whether that's saving you from evil, from your shitty environment, from mental illness, from sadness, or from yourself. and that is basically bullshit. "love" as a mystical force and chemical attraction between 2 people doesn't and can't do any of that. real relationships forged over time, based on trust and compromise and a fundamen-

2) tally optimistic outlook on life can help you deal with life, but that's not as snappy. and i think this ties in nicely with what you pointed out about love being perceived as isolating (in a positive way almost) by lots of people: it is because they are co-dependent and attracted to this toxic relationship because it feeds the narrative that "love" is all they need to be happy or to be saved. thats my hot take of the day

talk series criticizing Romahnce, every thursday at 6

for real though let me accuse capitalism some more for Not Great Ideas About Romantic Love b/c like!! that’s basically all you’re allowed to look for in terms of reliable companionship and Any kind of close relationship from your peers. b/c the Nuclear Family is the imposed social unit of choice b/c extended families don’t allow for enough isolation / cut-off support networks......you Outgrow the nuclear family you were born into, and then you’d better find your romantic partner asap to start the next generation nuclear family, because you’re not gonna get other support / community anywhere else, better enjoy having friends before everyone righteously pairs off and sees each other way less, because it’s Totally Fine to have all of your time -> energy -> identity -> existence consumed by just your roles as Parent and Spouse

not to mention like, whenever people of any relationship status are super overworked and like, especially with having unreliable / inconsistent schedules that don’t line up and needing to work a thousand hours a week to scrape by, people have less time to spend with each other and to foster those connections when they’re like always At Work or exhausted and recovering from work or, when they Do have some free time, it doesn’t like up with the free time of their friends’..........like hmm too bad there’s not One Person who is super devoted to Just You and can always make time and prioritize You, Alone.......

Life Under Capitalism is dehumanizing and alienates everyone from each other and doesn’t value life and commodifies anything that people might find adds Value To Their Life and like, our grievances and suffering is just Personal Problems that need to be fixed through our Personal Choices, b/c community is strangled off, isolation is pushed, and you need to Have Money or Die, and there’s the idea that the Way Things Are is flawed but ultimately okay and works out for good people............and it all brings it around to like, the idea that actually Finding Romance is *all* that life is about and is the one route to happiness. like, this concept is just casually trotted out in whatever media as blatantly as that, that “what’s even the point of being alive if you don’t find that Special Someone” and everyone just kinda goes “huh, yeah, that’s true...” like, it’s just Fine to accept that life is a hellscape and you’d want to die if it wasn’t for this one nice magical thing (your true love(tm))......like, maybe there’s a problem with that? we shouldn’t all just accept that life is unbearable but romance is the sole cure? and it’s not even really Anti-Capitalist when a holiday movie / any romcom is all like “this career person thinks that Love is for suckers and only making money is good, but then eventually their romantic interest shows them otherwise and they realize that said romance / a dash of Family is actually what Really matters” b/c it’s just like.......hey don’t be upset that you can’t actually Get Ahead under capitalism!! the people who are making more money than you are unhappy, i promise! it’s fine that you aren’t really succeeding Financially, b/c you have Love, so be happy with that and don’t think that there’s any systemic issue here.

anyways and like yeah of course it does probably seem to people like Romance is the only thing that can improve [insert any bad situation about their lives] because what even else is offered to people, seemingly, right......it’s like, first of all i hope you have a good relationship with your Nuclear Family, b/c they’re the only ones who will be Unconditionally There For You......but even if you do, it’s not like those people can be Everything in your life........and re: friends it’s like, well, i hope you’ve made super lasting friendships in high school and/or college, cuz after you enter The Working World good luck making new friendships!!! even if you do you’ll drift apart b/c nobody has time to nurture the relationship!!!! meanwhile of course everyone should be looking for romance, and hey, that will transform your life and enable you to endure all the other miserable everyday shit you go through, b/c the one person who matters cares about you. and they’d better b/c that’s the only really strong mutually supportive “unconditional” relationship you’re guaranteed! clearly!!!

like of course positive relationships of any kind tend to Improve Someone’s Life......of course isolation makes everything worse for anyone......it’s not like a good romantic relationship SHOULDN’T improve stuff for people, but like, no way should it be the case that romance is the ONE THING available and it better fix fuckin Everything or else you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with those problems that Aren’t improved and if you can’t deal with it on your own you’re fucked, cuz it’s romance or nothing!!!! it would be totally convenient to like, be deeply in love asap and have that make everything amazing and hopefully it’s ur life partner so that you don’t have to worry about Struggling On Your Own like..........a romantic relationship is really all that looks to be on the table according to the Life Narrative that’s pushed really hard. and defining that romance as “this person will always be there for you for Anything and you’ll always be there for them and you’ll always be happy as long as you’re With Each Other” is really Something when life under capitalism guarantees no happiness nor for anyone to be there for you or care about you or help you otherwise

like yeah Friends are nice but they’re kind of sold as the nice optional bonus, or like, they’re there for you but you don’t have to be there for them, low maintenance ideally, and if they drift away when you don’t spend time on them or support them then that’s fine as long as you’ve got that romantic partner b/c that’s how romance is so often defined, as being More than any other relationship, like, hey i don’t Need anything else, i don’t Need anyone else, it’s fine if i only have you, for some reason we gotta view relationships as Tiered and know which one’s you’d consider disposable if you put them all through a winner-take-all tournament bracket.......brilliant approach which is totally fine if the agenda is “give people One Good Relationship with One person which must fulfill their existence and fix everything lacking” like ok

i mean there it alll comes back around to going “augh jesus christ” at Isolation packaged as romance where it’s like “[as long as Romance] it’s fine if i die, it’s fine if i don’t have anyone or anything else, it’s fine if we never engage with the world or talk to anyone else again”.......like fuck!!!! this is horrible!!!!!! god!!!!!! Isolation is Bad gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and abuse overlaps sooooo hard with isolation, and you’ve got that deliberately isolating tactic that abusive partners pull that like, you can’t spend time with family and friends, it’s me vs. them, and you should always be prioritizing More Time With Me and be perfectly happy with *Only* our relationship or you don’t *really* love me..........but then this same sort of Concept will be just be touted as Ideal Romance as long as both people are cool with it lol!!! like, i don’t even Want to be around or think about anyone else, this one person is my whole Life And World, other loved ones who????? it’s Just Us now and hopefully forever, #sweet

like it’s pretty Effed Up that people have to feel like there’s only one way to expect someone to ever be at all devoted to them or really care about / understand / support them and that’s through having a Current Great Romantic Relationship, which must and should be *everything*..........like, everything i think abt “this idea about romance seems awful” is about like........romance shouldn’t be this way for even people who currently have that kind of relationship, and it should Always Be Fine to be single, even if you want / hope for a romantic relationship.........i’m keenly aware that snagging a Romantic Relationship seems like the only way to have someone committed to being On Your Side and paying attention to your existence every day. but really of course that shouldn’t be the case......and when a romance IS had, why is it worse to have a grounded view of it like, when people compare it moreso to friendships rather than to being some kind of magical bond which effortlessly yields Everything You Need In Life, so now you don’t have to care about anything or anybody else

sounds mean or Cold or whatever to be like well the way i see it is that “romance is unnecessary” but i mean, first off it is, you don’t Need it and some people don’t want it. but imo it’s not Bad to see it as just like, a sick bonus, a really awesome thing if you want it and it happens, but like, of course life isn’t Worthless or Ruined if someone who Wants a partner is single / becomes single. like, ideally Being Single regardless of whether you want that to be permanent or not should actually be enough on its own for anyone to be happy!! nobody should Need to have a partner to be happy / feel like their life is okay the way it is. like, is it not actually more ~romantic~ or whatever to feel like okay, i would be fine and happy with being single, but i would rather be with this other person because i Want to be, but i don’t Need this relationship to be okay. vs. the whole like i *need* this relationship type “that’s the puppetmaster who cursed my dick” approach where it’s like, god believe me this isn’t my idea but i MUST be with you, i’m miserable without you so i basically have no choice, this is like, the universe holding me at gunpoint. why not have choosing to be with someone just like “yeah i prefer this to Not being with you and i think it improves my life overall” without anyone having to feel like it’s their only option for happiness

anyways i really can’t imagine the concept of like, a Romance just absolutely cutting down all these other aspects of your life b/c you don’t care about / Need that shit anymore being an at-all pleasant or appealing concept versus like, it just being its own positive relationship that enhances everything and Doesn’t become your sole source for so much shit like validation and commitment and intimacy and support / help and companionship and etc etc etc etc etc etc

i’m sure this isn’t the only tangent i forgot to throw in somewhere else but everyone knows my “'teen angst’ is largely comprised of anticapitalist sentiment in the face of the hellscape and cognitive dissonance of adult life under capitalism and YA media deals with this and the struggle to find genuine connection and value in everyday existence" takes, well, it’s kinda wild how it’s basically a requirement for any YA work to have a thread of Romance running central to the whole thing. not like that doesn’t happen in other Genres, and not like some works don’t lean into that way harder than others, and not like every main char Ends Up with the/a love interest at the end, but it’s like, jeez. imo supports my idea that romance is Supposed to be *the* panacea for the ailments of capitalism

[bryanfaganlaw]

Have Wealth? Over 50 years old? Read this before your divorce begins

If you have need a best suitable service your Child Law experience, Have Wealth? Over 50 years old? Read this before your divorce begins with the great process!

Divorce Attorney Houston: We began to discuss the topic of over-50 divorces in yesterday’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC. As I will often do when we have multi-day topics such as this one, I recommend that you go back and read what we had to say yesterday to give yourself a better idea about what factors are often in place when spouses in their fifties, sixties and beyond enter into divorce proceedings. Often times issues that you never would have anticipated being relevant rear their heads in cases like these.

In today’s blog post we will put a bow on this topic by delving into some final thoughts on relevant issues related to over-50 divorces. If you are just now learning about divorce and are confused or need clarification on anything we have discussed please do not hesitate to reach out to the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC today. We offer free of charge, no strings attached consultations with our licensed family law attorneys six days a week. You can come in, ask your questions and go about your merry way if you would like.

What to do with your family home

I sadly hear clients all the time talk about what was once thought of as their “Forever Home” now needing to be put up for sale due to circumstances related to divorce. While most people will never own a Forever Home due to the nature of how frequently we move nowadays, the concept extends to the sentimental and emotional value of living in one residence for an extended period of time. If you are a person in your sixties who is now considering divorce you could have raised your children and even your grandchildren in your marital home. Now having to come face to face with the prospect of selling that home can be pretty overwhelming.

Fortunately there are ways for you to prepare for having to go through something like this. Reading and learning as much as you can is a good place to start. For instance, given that Texas is a community property state, your home may represent a sizeable chunk of your and your spouse’s combined net worth. What will you and your spouse decide to do with your home? Selling it during your marriage may allow you to escape from the tax consequences on the profit/capital gain that is earned. If the home is awarded to you or your spouse and is later sold, your tax liability would be on any profit made on the sale over and above $250,000.

As any family law attorney worth their salt will tell you, it is important to consider the prospect of selling your house as a both an emotional and financial decision. It is undeniable that you and your spouse have built in a great deal of memories into your home. This is a virtually inescapable fact. However, you cannot place the importance of these memories in front of what is best for you and your family. You can purchase a new house and make new memories in the future. You cannot undue a mistake made in your divorce due to sentimentality.

Handling retirement savings as a part of your divorce

Houston Divorce Lawyers: One of the most important wealth building tools that is at the disposal of most any American is that of retirement savings vehicles like workplace 401(k) plans, Individual Retirement Accounts (IRA) as well as general mutual funds, index funds and simple savings accounts. Many of these options allow people to save for retirement, sometimes on a tax free basis. We’ve all played with the online compound interest calculators, I’m sure, and have seen just how much a little bit of money saved now can grow in ten, twenty or thirty years.

All it really takes is some discipline. If you can save now, you can prosper later. You and your spouse likely have some money tucked away in these type of accounts and are either taking advantage of them now, or are planning on doing so as soon as you retire. What happens if an unexpected divorce crosses your path? Are you able to move forward and know how to handle your retirement savings?

A big concept to be aware of when it comes to dividing retirement benefits in a gray divorce is that sometimes you are not able to change the beneficiary on certain accounts due to their already beginning to pay out benefits. If this is the case you will need to be able to either compensate your spouse an equivalent value of what his or her share is, or work out a way to be compensated if you are the spouse of the employee receiving the benefit.

Social Security and gray divorce

The ability to receive a portion of your spouse’s social security benefits depends in large part on when your final decree of divorce will be entered. This is due to the fact that you and your spouse must have been married for at least ten years before your divorce is finalized in order so that one spouse can receive benefits under the other’s work history. If you are the spouse who will want to claim benefits under your ex-spouse’s name you and your attorney need to carefully consider the timing of everything so that you are not unable to claim benefits in this way.

Spousal Maintenance

The following situation is fairly common in the modern gray divorce. Let’s suppose that you are a woman in your early sixties who has decided that now is the right time to get a divorce. You have not worked outside the home since before your kids were born. However, when you did work you did so to help put your husband through law school.

Flash forward some thirty-odd years and your spouse is a successful attorney and has been for sometime. You and he have built up some substantial wealth and now you are interested in knowing just what interest you have in the resources that have been accumulated. Also- what about you going back to work? While your estate may be substantial it may not be enough to sustain you? What can be done?

Well, remember that as Texas is a community property state, any and all income earned during the course of your marriage (as well as property) is considered to be jointly owned. This means that even if you never earned a dollar during your marriage that a just and right division of the money and property in your life will be made available to you.

Secondly, given the length of you marriage you are able to take advantage of the laws in Texas that regard spousal maintenance. Maintenance is more widely known as alimony in many states. It allows you to receive a certain amount of money each month for a certain period of time after your divorce, as paid by your ex-spouse to you. This will allow you to meet whatever minimal basic needs you have while you get your feet under you after a divorce.

The bottom line here is that you have rights if you are the spouse who has been married to a high income earner during the course of your marriage. However, the court will not assert those rights for you. You need to hire an attorney with experience in handling high income, gray divorces in order to ensure that your rights are protected properly.

Questions on gray divorce? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC

Family Law Attorney Houston: To learn more about gray divorce please contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC. Our attorneys have handled many, many gray divorces and that is to your advantage. Allow our attorneys to utilize that expertise in order to benefit you and your family during this difficult time. We pride ourselves on representing our clients to the fullest of our abilities and your case would be no exception.

To schedule a free of charge consultation with one of our licensed family law attorneys simply give us a call. We offer consultations six days a week here in our office where we can address any questions or concerns that you may have ... Continue Reading

[freelancesumandas]

Who gets the house in a Texas divorce?

Houston Family Law Lawyers: We’ve all heard the tried and true sayings regarding a home. It’s the most important purchase you will ever make, some will say. It’s an investment in your future, others will opine. Whatever it is that you think about your home the fact is that it is a major investment and it is important. There’s another element that you will need to take into consideration and that is the emotional elements that surround the purchase of and enjoyment of a personal residence.

Your home is where the memories, good and bad, that your family created live and remain. The decision of what will happen to your home as a result of a divorce is not one that can be arrived at without a great deal of contemplation and likely negotiation with your spouse. If you have children then this decision becomes even more important and likely more emotionally driven. That is usually a bad combination for a divorce that requires you to have nerves of steel while maintaining a certain degree of objectivity in your negotiations.

Ultimately your case has its own unique set of facts and circumstances that would be taken into consideration by a judge if you and your spouse cannot agree on what is to happen with your home. As I mentioned a moment ago a lot will depend on whether or not you and your spouse have children. In the event that you do the next step in the equation will be the judge making a determination to see if one of you or your spouse can actually afford the monthly mortgage payment on a single income.

The most important issue regarding your children is likely the most important issue regarding who gets the family home in the event that either you or your spouse can pay themortgage. Whichever parent is awarded the right by the judge to determine the primary residence of your children, that will obviously give that parent a huge leg up in being able to remain in the home. The reason for this is that the judge will want to ensure that your children have some stability and consistency in their lives in the midst of all the change and upheaval as a result of your divorce.

In the event that neither you nor your spouse can afford the mortgage payments it is almost assured that the judge will order the house to be sold and the profits split in some manner between you and your spouse. This equity will likely be community property and if so then the factors that we discussed yesterday in our blog post will be applied here as well to determine what share you receive as a result of the sale of the home and what share your spouse receives.

An alternative to the set up that I laid out for you all is the following: the judge awards the parent with the right to determine the primary residence of your children the home until your children graduate from high school or any other date that he or she believes is fair. After that date the house will be put on the market for sale and the proceeds from the sale split according to a breakdown set forth by the judge. This allows for some stability for your children, while ensuring that both parents share in the benefit of the sale of the home.

Spousal Maintenance examined

Whether you are in a position to expect to receive spousal maintenance in your divorce, or you are worried about the possibility of having to pay spousal maintenance in the divorce you should pay attention to this subject.

Spousal maintenance is money that is paid from one spouse to the other for daily living expenses when the receiving spouse cannot meet the minimal, basic standards for living on their own. This could be because he or she is disabled, has a lack of education or simply has not worked in many years and needs to transition back into the workforce.

I’ve used this example before when discussing how a judge can split up community property in a divorce but I believe it bears repeating in this context as well. Suppose that you are a physician who has been in practice for a few years and earns $250,000 a year. Your spouse has been a homemaker since your marriage began and has only a high school education. On top of these factors she worked part time as a waitress while you were in medical school in order to pay for your schooling and to support the household.

Your paying spousal maintenance to your ex-spouse is not only justified, it will likely be determined, because she will now have to find a full time job to support herself after being out of work for many years, but also because she helped you in your career path by paying for your school with her income. You can look at the spousal maintenance payments as sort of like a payment of “Debt” that you are crediting back to her.

How frequently is spousal maintenance ordered in Texas divorces?

Family Law Attorneys Houston: Not all that frequently, from my experience. First of all, judges do not like to award spousal maintenance unless it is necessary in terms of fairness and survival to do so. A second reason why spousal maintenance is not as common nowadays is because both you and your spouse likely work and earn similar wages. More women are graduating from college from men and this has been the case for sometime. So, if you’re a man your wife likely has just as much of an education to her credit as you do- if not more.

Child Custody in Texas divorces

We’ve reached a point where property and money issues have been gone over with a fine tooth comb, or at least a comb that is close to being finely toothed. Now we can jump into subject matter that is truly important for many of you going through a divorce, namely child custody determinations.

The term “Child custody” does not actually appear at all in the Texas family code. Much of what we consider to make up child custody- time with your child, where your child lives primarily, rights and duties to your child- are broken down into conservatorship, possession, access and visitation orders. Custody is a term that lawyers and clients alike utilize with frequency so I will do so in this section. Just know that your divorce decree probably won’t have the word “custody” show up anywhere.

Child custody is comprised up of many rights and duties to your child. Will you or your spouse gain the right to determine the primary residence of your child? How will you and your ex-spouse make decisions regarding educational, medical and psychiatric matters? These are the types of important subjects that will fall under the banner of child custody?

Will the wife in your divorce have an advantage when it comes to custody issues?

This is a concern that fathers raise with me a great deal. If you are a dad you can breathe a little easier knowing that there is not specific advantage within the laws on divorce that provides your wife with a leg up when it comes to your kids. In fact, judges are not supposed to presume or assume that your wife will be a better parent in terms of future prospects of raising your child. If your case makes it to a trial then you both will need to present evidence that will show the judge why you should be the parent who gets to have the kids live with you primarily. It is largely a merit based decision, though fathers often put themselves at a disadvantage in this regard. We will start tomorrow’s blog post by discussing this in greater detail.

Questions about family law and divorce? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC

Family Lawyers in Houston: Our office has licensed family law attorneys ready and able to meet with you six days a week to discuss your family law matter. Please contact us today so that we can address any questions you have in a comfortable and pressure free environment ... Continue Reading

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @bloodgutsandstarbucks!

Read on AO3

******

Love Don’t Lie

Stiles set his paperwork on his desk and caught the eye of his new partner, Scott McCall. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Scott grinned. “I have the best idea.”

He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. “Oh?”

“Since you’re new in town, I was thinking, you probably don’t know many people, and you moved into that big house outside of town…I could set you up with someone!”

Stiles’s jaw hung open. “Like a date?”

“Yes! But don’t worry, I have someone in mind. It’s perfect, because he’s new to town, too!”

Stiles laughed a little hysterically. “No, no, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. I’m actually happily-”

“No, really, he's perfect. His name is Derek Hale, he works with my wife. He's new to Beacon Hills, just like you, and he hasn’t gotten to know anyone yet, either!” Scott’s eyes widened and rounded, shining like a cartoon.

Stiles paused. “...Oh? And he's single?”

“Well, we’re pretty sure. He doesn’t have a ring, and he hasn’t mentioned anyone. How about this!” Scott waved his phone. “I’ll tell Kira to relay the message that you’re interested, and then he’ll let us know if he’s single or not.”

Stiles covered a laugh with a cough. He could just imagine what Derek's face would do at that little invitation. “Sure. You do that.”

“Great! I’ll let her know! Oh, also, we’re supposed to go check out a gnome thief on Saundersville Road,” he added cheerfully.

“Small towns are nothing but excitement, eh?”

Scott laughed.

Stiles grimaced at the menu in front of him, trying to avoid eye contact with his…date.

An irritable sigh made him finally look up. “You shouldn’t have agreed to this.”

“There were circumstances,” Stiles hissed. “And excuse me, you agreed, too!”

“I only agreed because I was told you’d already said yes!” Derek set his own menu down with a slap.

Stiles pointed at him. “And you didn’t want to disappoint your new buddy, right?”

“Kira is my boss, I couldn’t just tell her no after she said you’d agreed! It would be rude!”

“Yeah, well, Scott’s my partner, and I couldn’t say no to him, either!” Stiles held up his hands. “Look, we just have to pretend to date for a little while, until they lose interest. No big deal, and no sad puppy eyes from Scott.”

Derek stared at him. “Stiles,” he began.

“No, really, it’ll be no big deal, I swear. All we have to do is go out after work together once a week for a staged date. Like this!”

“I hate going out to eat.”

He sighed. “Homemade is better, but seriously. Three dates is all it’ll take for them to take a step back.”

Derek sighed deeply.

“If you’d seen Scott’s puppy dog eyes, you’d understand.”

“Kira’s got them, too,” he said.

“So, it’s a deal?”

“Fine,” he mumbled grudgingly. “It’s a deal.”

Scott cornered Stiles at the station the next morning. “So?” he asked eagerly. “How’d it go?”

Stiles almost spat out his coffee; he’d briefly forgotten about the nonsense that was his life. “Uh—good. We’re going to go out again on, uh, Friday,” he fabricated, nearly wincing. He’d have to let Derek know.

Scott lit up. “That’s awesome! I knew you two would get along.”

“Uh-huh, yep. It was great.”

“Where are you guys going?”

“Ummm…”

Scott beamed. “You should volunteer at the animal shelter!”

Stiles’s face must have done something weird.

“No, really. I know it sounds weird, but it’s actually a good way to get to know someone. Plus, cute animals and doing a good deed! It’ll be perfect, I have a friend who works there, and she can make sure you get an easy job, you won’t even have to clean up any poop.”

“Ah…”

Scott’s eyes rounded just a little.

Stiles sighed. “That sounds…fun. We’ll do that.”

“Great! Also, we got assigned to take statements for a robbery.” He grinned and clapped his shoulder before walking out of the break room.

Stiles rubbed his eyes and pulled his phone out. He was sure Derek was going to love the plan.

Stiles was in love. Their names were Snickers, Milky Way, and Kit Kat. “No, really. I’ll obviously take care of them, and Scott would love the story.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “And this is all for Scott’s benefit,” he muttered. He cleared his throat. “Wouldn’t Scott find it suspicious if you adopted two dogs and a kitten on our second date?”

Stiles held up Snickers, a three year old mix of some very small dogs. “I want him.”

“Don’t you have enough pets?”

“Scott obviously thinks I’m lonely.”

Derek scoffed.

Stiles set Milky Way in Derek’s lap. Technically, they were supposed to be bathing the dogs for the coming adoption fair, but Stiles considered pre-bath cuddles part of the bathing process. They deserved it.

“Do we really have to continue this?”

“Oh, what else did you have to do tonight?” Stiles scoffed.

“Unpack! And I could have had plans!”

He rolled his eyes. “It is one night out of your week. You can spare that much time for a fake date with your fake boyfriend.”

“This is only our second fake date, so I think you’re jumping ahead calling yourself my fake boyfriend. Fake boyfriend is after at least three fake dates, and you have to walk me to my fake door, and give me a fake kiss goodnight.”

“You’re very high maintenance,” Stiles observed, kissing Snickers on the nose. “Maybe I don’t want you to be my fake boyfriend.”

Derek smiled pleasantly. “Then you can tell Scott and Kira the truth.”

“Uh, you agreed, too. You’ll have to tell Kira.” Stiles lifted Snickers to eye level, staring into his sleepy brown eyes. “Look, pal, this is gonna be traumatizing for both of us,” he said seriously. “But I promise, I will be here for you the whole time. We’ll be quick and thorough.”

Snickers didn’t seem to mind the bath; he even seemed to enjoy the warm water and gentle massage.

“Dramatic,” Derek muttered while Stiles dried him off.

“Rude!”

The next day at the station, Scott and Allison Argent, another officer, looked way too eager to hear about his date.

“It went well,” Stiles said, feeling harangued. “We’re going, uh, out to eat on Saturday.”

“That’s so awesome! See, I told you I was a good matchmaker,” Scott boasted.

Allison’s eyes narrowed. “I guess. But historically, you really aren’t. You’re almost always terrible at setting people up.”

Stiles laughed awkwardly. “Well, he was bound to get lucky once, right?”

That made her relax a little, flashing a quick smile. “That’s true. Well, I’m glad your date went well. Tell us how Saturday goes!”

“Yep, sure.” He nodded maybe a little too enthusiastically, because they both stared at him. “Uh, I just remembered I have some paperwork left over. See you later!”

“So if they’re onto us,” Derek said on Saturday, “why don’t we just tell them the truth?”

They were at a restaurant, since they had to eat sometime, and it’d might as well be on their date.

“Because you didn’t see Scott’s face. He was so proud of himself for successfully setting me up.”

Derek nodded while staring at the table. “So, do you like him?”

“Sure, he’s-” Stiles caught on a second too late. “No, not like that.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. He’s the first friend I’ve made! I don’t want to crush his spirit.” He looked around the restaurant; at least four sets of eyes quickly looked away. Small towns. He smirked. “Hey, I had an idea.”

“Oh?” Derek did not look enthused.

“What if,” Stiles lowered his voice, “we kissed a little, here? I’m sure it’ll get back to them in a town this size, and they’ll know everything’s just as I said, and it’ll all be fine.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “If we kiss, they’ll know we aren’t dating.”

Stiles scowled at him. “What, you don’t want to kiss me?”

“You know-”

“Yes or no.” Stiles leaned forward and grinned. “Chicken?”

Derek grinned and leaned in, too. “Never.”

They were still kissing when someone cleared their throat right beside their table.

Stiles jerked back, flushing all the way to his hairline when he saw their audience. “Hey, Scott,” he said in a high pitched voice. “Whatcha doing here?”

Derek blinked. “Hi, Kira…Boyd.” His gaze darted over to the blond man and woman with them. “Date night?” he asked weakly.

“Nope,” the blonde woman said brightly. She leaned around Boyd and dropped something on the table.

Stiles stared at the matching silver rings.

“This is Isaac,” Scott said, gesturing at the blond man. “And Erica. We’ve all been friends since high school.”

“Hi,” Stiles said weakly.

“Isaac works at the Kenzie Jewelers on Main Street.”

“Oh?”

Derek dropped his head in his hands.

“Apparently, about four weeks ago—right before your first day at the museum, Derek,” Kira said brightly, “a man dropped off his and his spouse’s wedding rings for a cleaning.”

Scott picked up from there. “I was telling Isaac about my new partner, and how I set him up for a date with Kira’s new curator of prints and drawings, and you know, he said those names sounded awfully familiar.”

Stiles winced. “I can explain,” he said earnestly. He grabbed his ring and put it on, letting out a little sigh as it settled; he’d felt naked without it.

“Do tell. Please.” Kira crossed her arms.

Scott pulled the puppy eyes again.

Derek lifted his head. “Stiles didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Scott made a face. “You could’ve just told me you were married.”

Stiles waved a hand frantically. “I tried! You kept interrupting me to tell me how great my husband was!”

Scott winced.

“And then,” he continued, “you told me his name, and I figured, hey, that’s fine, we’ll go on a date, no big deal. We could use a break from unpacking anyway. But then you were so excited that you successfully set someone up that I couldn’t come clean!”

Isaac let out a muffled snort.

Erica held up a hand. “So…Scott’s only success in matchmaking…was an already married couple?”

“Looks that way,” Boyd said. He glanced at Stiles and said, flatly, “He set me up with Isaac.”

Isaac pinched the bridge of his nose. “We all took an oath to never speak of that again!”

“The point is,” Scott said loudly, “you could have just told me. I wouldn’t have been upset.”

“I figured you’d just…back off, once we’d been on a few dates,” Stiles said weakly. He frowned at his wedding ring. “Why did the cleaning take so long, anyway?”

Derek rubbed his temple, avoiding eye contact as he put his own ring on.

“What, did you forget to pick them up or something?” he snickered.

“No, the cleaning only takes about fifteen minutes, maybe an hour if we’re really busy,” Isaac said cheerfully. “But since we’re the only jeweler in town, the engraving can take three or four weeks, especially near the holidays.”

Stiles’s mouth fell open. “What engraving?”

Derek sighed and reached for Stiles’s hand. He gently removed the ring and tilted it. “Merry Christmas,” he mumbled.

Stiles took it so he could read it. He smiled, then laughed at the engraving: Dramatic. He lifted his eyes and found Derek holding his own ring, tilted so he could see the engraving on that one: Rude.

“What does it mean?” Isaac asked. “We were all trying to figure it out.”

Stiles cleared his throat. “It’s the first thing we said to each other when we met.” He swiped at his nose surreptitiously. “We met in a bookstore back in New York; we ran into each other, literally, and I spilled hot coffee all over myself. I started swearing and…stuff, and Derek called me dramatic, I called him rude.” He shrugged. “We got some napkins and had lunch together.” He slid his ring on and rubbed his thumb over it. “I love it.”

Derek smiled at him. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Isaac winced. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s alright.” Stiles snorted. “I get the feeling that secrets don’t survive long around here.”

“No,” Scott agreed, laughing.

Stiles leaned over the table to kiss Derek, because he had to. Then he looked up at their friends. “You guys should join us for dinner, since you’re already here.” He grinned. “We still have a ton of unpacking to procrastinate on, might as well do it right.”

Derek sighed. “The only things we’ve unpacked are the cats’ beds and food bowls.”

“Madame Socks can’t sleep unless she has her own bed, Derek. Tip can sleep anywhere!”

“Madame Socks is the oldest cat,” Derek explained with a grimace. “Tip is the dog.”

“This is so weird,” Scott said with some awe. “You guys are so married. I should have guessed.”

Stiles folded his hand in Derek’s. “Probably. I’m starving, seriously, if we don’t eat soon, there will be tears.”

Derek lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Dramatic,” he murmured.

“Rude,” Stiles laughed.

[texpatcolo]

Behind the scenes

I have been wanting, for a long time, to help create some sort of universal resource to encourage women into mountain biking and provide tools, inspiration and community that don’t require time, travel or money to engage with. But I have a tremendous amount of doubt about it because I have no model that resonates, and I don’t know how to be one.

Every time I open up media and look around I see ambassador programs and “sponsored” riders and social media influences and I have an immediate and adverse reaction to these women. I see myself in none of them. Instead, I see women faster than me, fitter than me, more attractive, more core.

Then I remember feeling inadequate as a little kid because my dad loved running more than anything and not only did I despise running, I was horrible at it. And I remember the sideways derogatory comments he’d make about my mom’s appearance as she got older and out of shape. 

And I remember the woman he had his longest affair with who was a perky, fit triathlete and who had the nerve to be nice to me when her daughter and I raced Ironkids triathlons together as young teenagers. I learned to hate athletic women who naturally had nice bodies and some sort of innate physical abilities and excessively positive attitudes and the men who worshiped them.  

My mom raised me to value my intellect and to accept nothing less than being valued as a whole person. She literally told me looks don’t matter and in retrospect I can see why. I managed to grow up without body image issues but with a massive and judgmental chip on my shoulder that I’m still trying extremely hard to shake off.

And yet I will readily confess that the one (and only) time a man said he was attracted to me for my physique, my head swam and I was overwhelmed with glorious, warming dopamine for months. I’d finally won something, though I wasn’t sure what… When I got over it, I felt like a complete moron. Like I’d been duped. 

It didn’t help that I went to work in the mountain bike industry and had to fight that feeling of physical inadequacy on a regular basis. I also had to fight for the value of intelligent professional adults. The latter was far harder; years ago, a well-known and high-powered female figure in the mountain bike industry told me I was wasting my time with graduate school. I used to think it was funny that she laughed at me for wanting to grow and better myself; now it makes me angry.

The last few years before I got out of the bike industry, when I was surrounded mostly by women who had become friends, the being a slow rider thing wasn’t so bad. They sheltered me from it, literally. My year-long foray into cycling media was the most challenging, and required a constant effort to stay one step ahead of everyone else so that I didn’t find myself abandoned on some trail with no one conferring legitimacy on me any longer because I couldn’t keep up.

For two years in a different role, I had to report and submit to someone whose major achievement in life had been riding their bike fast, and yet was somehow in charge of a large and complex organization. Despite my decade of work experience and master’s degree, I never came out ahead. Not once. He never earned my respect, and I was told -- straightforwardly -- that he did not respect me and never would. “Why” was never answered, but being younger than he and female and not a historical figure in the bike industry were three obvious reasons. 

As those two years wore on, I felt more and more beat down and ignored. It wasn’t until I left that I realized how physically and emotionally ill I had become in that role. I was so downtrodden that when I got another job, friends and family members were commenting that I was back to my old self, when I never realized I had drifted so far away.

So perhaps this will be obvious and needless to say, but I have never been “impressed” by athletic greatness unless the person uses that platform for good (thank you, Rebecca Rusch, for being a true role model). I bristle if you tell me I should be interested in someone who is fast or strong because they are fast or strong. I don’t care. 

Beyond an abundance of negative personal experiences, I know those people have something I never will, in addition to some innate physical abilities. They have time, and that is so easy to forget. Time is everything. 

If you have a 40+ hour/week job (that maybe you actually love and derive personal value from), a spouse who is not into what you’re into, kids, a mortgage, continuing educational requirements, volunteer commitments, family needs, other hobbies that you’re passionate about, friendships that revolve around things other than athletic endeavors … then the person who lives in a van and roams the country to ride bikes, or the person who can do multi-hour runs on a daily basis because they freelance, or the person who has the financial and personal freedom to travel to retreats, is not someone I have ever been able to be inspired by. 

And I think that is what makes me frustrated. At the end of it all, the people that the bicycle industry puts up for us all to be inspired by aren’t “regular” enough for me to care about, gain some insight from or feel any kinship with.

Despite all of the bullshit, I’m still the bicycle’s #1 fan and always will be. I still think every damn person needs to own a bicycle and ride it and they’d all be happier and more supportive of our public lands and our environment would be healthier and on and on. I have been deeply passionate about riding bikes since I was 13 and it’s as real now as it ever was.

Even with a busy job that I love, lots of other hobbies that I love, non-bike people in my life who I love and everything else (see above) that means I sometimes only ride once a week, I consider myself a real mountain biker and I don’t give a shit if the current culture would beg to differ. 

I rely on riding a bike more than anything to maintain an even keel because it accomplishes so many positive things at one time. I need to be outside in the woods playing like I did as a little kid and feeling immersed in nature, appreciating my body for what it can do rather than what it looks like, ensuring the maintenance of my sanity, feeling accomplished as my skills improve, experiencing new and beautiful landscapes and being part of a community that I want to hate at times, but that also gave me my family and that deserves a great deal of credit for its culture of volunteerism and public lands advocacy.

THAT is what I want other women to experience. The end goal doesn’t have to be a race, or weight loss, or what-the-fuck-ever. Mountain biking can exist outside of retreats that require time, money, vacation days and childcare that a lot of women do not have. Mountain biking can exist in places like Ohio and Texas and Florida and South Dakota (though you wouldn’t think so from bike media and event locations). 

Mountain biking can exist simply to connect you with the great outdoors and make you feel better about life and yourself. For me, mountain biking is extremely personal. It’s MINE. And it’s something that I think is so worth having that it’s worth me trying to share it.

I can’t possibly be the only person out there for whom all that is true.