#I enjoyed it but i have issues with the nitty gritty bits of story and worldbuilding but thats because Im way too weird about insects

[dooblebugss]

My hollow knight phase has REAWOKEN and actually I kinda want to check out bug fables so I can read your fics and understand all of it

It's currently on steam for twenty bucks, but if you prefer a Let's Play, BornLosersGaming has a pretty good one. Jelloapocalypse has a decent one (with good voice work, but not as serious).

[christotokos]

director's commentary for: sempre la stessa storia and big boys don't cry (they don't ask why)? 🥹

sempre la stessa storia is a fic that i love but i wrestle with a lot.

not because i don't know where it's necessarily going, though i am working through some structural issues. it's because it's essentially a rolling family epic slash hang out fic and it annoys me a lot. i wanted it to be something a little straighter, considering this is a rewrite of another fic. but...

everytime i sit down to work on it or plot it out, i realize i'm writing like. stories in that way my aunts describe watching soap operas mixing with the feeling that the reader is hanging out with everyone here. i'm trying to go from plot a to plot b and instead my notes are basically, "yeah dallas and ponyboy talk for awhile and then hear atreus and vincenzo laughing in the distance and The Don't Know What The Strings Are Between Them."

which frustrates me a little and at the same time probably speaks to how much i love that quartet. i hate that i have to write johnny more in this even though i really wanna break those bitches up. it's so funny when ponyboy initiates a divorce by just smiling at dallas.

as for real nitty gritty commentary, a bullet list to break this up for eyes:

i really enjoy that dallas and johnny have real relationship problems here that feel realistic for them: they bonded over ponyboy's disappearance, they have a lot of physical distance between them due to johnny's longest lasting hesitance with physicality at all, dallas' frustration at lack of intimacy feels like something he shouldn't feel frustrated by cause he knows why johnny is this way and accept sit even though it still bothers him; the fact that johnny's very uncomfortable with dallas' mob style; dallas knowing johnny is and still being bullheaded, etc etc.

the first chapter is a banger actually. writing from atreus' pov, slightly obscuring the very obvious cannibalism, his need to have ponyboy with him was so good. and i love jennifer in that moment; i have at deeply strong visual of how she should look after the arm dinner, with how her face is streaked, her messed up blonde hair, the run in her tights, the broken heel of her shoe in the grass

keeping pony slightly obscured is always a hard task for me. for many reasons, and in order to sort of move the plot along i had to write some "deleted" scenes for him just to make sure i know where we are in his head. i'm contemplating just making them official and drop the mystery or just posting them later as much of it is him with atreus. they're central to this, obviously, so i really treasure them.

big boys don't cry (they don't ask why) has some issues for it too mainly that every time i try to think about a court date, i just think atreus would just show up with a gun and kill bob at the courthouse and like. nobody needs that! so it's obv been a bit delayed, though i'm still thinking the second chapter needs to be tyn talking with atreus and leaving instead of jump to court. tyn has... a lot of feelings about what ponyboy has gone through, as an omega who's been vulnerable himself, as someone who cares a lot about children's welfare, and someone generally incensed about injustice as you well know.

originally i was gonna make the second chapter a nice reunion between menelaus and pony but i am gonna make that a christmas one shot. since mene is the kind of person who'd call estranged family on christmas, he'd be calling atreus just to check on him and then he's going to be shocked that daisy is home. and i love mene and pony's relationship so much 🥹 he's a good big brother to ponyboy. on the more technical side, i really am pleased with that opener and having the crow be a signal of badluck. it's greekverse and working in things like that is so much fun for me. (and yknow helen mention!!!!).

[fillingthescrapbook]

Let's Talk About: Minx and the need for more episodes per season.

Before we begin, I want to say: I need a third season of this show. A longer one that the second season's eight-episode order. Hollywood needs a reminder that filler episodes didn't mean nothing happens in the show. Filler episodes were necessary because, while the main plot is spinning wheels, we're getting character growth and relationship developments. And that was one of the things missing in this season of Minx.

Now, I don't remember the reason I started watching Minx. The trailer was intriguing enough that I decided to give it a try. I quickly fell in love with the iridescent Idara Victor, Jessica Lowe, and Oscar Montoya--and even though I don't remember a lot of the nitty gritty of what happened in Season 1, I remember rooting for the three--and Lennon Parham's Shelly, by the end of it and wanting to know what happens next.

The cast of this show is spectacular. The writing though... The writing was serviceable. It's not until this second season that I'm coming out as a fan of the show writers.

While the first season was mostly a hero journey for main character Joyce Prigger (the outstanding Ophelia Lovibond), the second season had a more nuanced arc in how it tackles success. Yes: success. Instead of throwing another wrench into the world of Minx, the writers decided to zag and let the characters be celebrated. And in that celebration, they were able to uncover a bigger issue: the politics of gender equality.

In season two, the show adds a new character: Constance is a billionaire who supports the arts, feminism, and is pushing the characters into reaching the zenith of their dreams. The only one who is a little put-down by Constance's handling of business is Don (Jake Johnson) because he's used to being the top dog. But even he can't argue that she has helped him achieve success he only dreamed of before.

With the characters thriving and getting the good life, Constance begins to introduce compromise in to their world. She begins to sow a divide by giving the characters what they want--while essentially taking away the most important thing they got in the first season: each other.

The show asks each character what it takes for them to bend their values. What are they willing to compromise to continue the good life they're currently enjoying?

Now, I do understand why some people would think this second season was more superficial than the first. In letting the characters succeed, it does feel like nothing bigger is happening for the most part. Because the trials they're facing aren't do-or-die. The characters aren't always in danger of losing everything.

But, if we're going to be honest: isn't that how we lose everything in real life? Bit by bit. Day by day. Life is good until suddenly it's not. And that's the magic of Minx's sophomore season.

The writers plotted the downfall well. If we go through the season again, we will see where the writers are foreshadowing the sacrifice each character will have to make. And it is amazing work.

Unfortunately, because the show only had eight episodes to work with--all the focus on delivering a satisfying story took out something that made the first season magical: the way each character progressed from episode to episode.

Season 2 gave everyone better storylines. Unfortunately, because there's a distinct lack of screen time to share, those storylines didn't get room to breathe. Most of them had to progress in between scenes and off-camera:

Idara Victor's Tina had a powerful arc of realizing her place in the world, of needing to choose herself--and yet, most of her processing happened in scenes that were already servicing Don's A-plot or B-plot, or while the main arc is place-setting, or while Shelly is having a moment for her character arc.

But at least her storyline gets to inch along from episode to episode. Oscar Montoya's Richie, while having a poignant endpoint for his character arc, didn't really have a clear path from point a to point b. He gets pulled into being every kind of supporting player before finally getting his moment to shine.

And then there's Jessica Lowe's Bambi. Her storyline is edged from episode two to episode six--and is only allowed release...in the final moments of episode seven. And while she does get somewhere in the finale, it also feels like it's just a lot more edging.

So, yeah: the plots and the character arcs are better and more powerful... they just suffered a lot from the lack of time. I'm not saying the show needs to expand from being a half-hour dramedy... but maybe having more episodes to let the plots and the characters breathe would do the show good.

Because goodness knows: this show is amazing. But it'll have a hard time firing all its bullets if we subtract cylinders from the barrel of its gun.

[gavillain]

I just found your Overtakers work as of late, I started reading back in March, as of right now I'm at chapter 51 of All the Forces of Evil. Amazing work! I was just curious about how everyone interacts with one another and what I mean by that, is this sort of a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" situation where it's "toons" interacting with "live action"? I think it would be really interesting for Judge Doom and the Toon Patrol to appear and possibly tackle this topic

Glad you've been enjoying, and thank you so much! It's been a very fun journey for sure :D

As to your question, the thing is that there aren't any "toons" in the story. The stories of these characters may have been told to us in our world through either an animated or live action medium, but the characters in those stories are just people like us. So there's not really an in-universe difference between the animated and live action characters. They're all just the same.

Now as for how you want to visualize that or how you would personally translate that to a visual medium, that's entirely up to you when you're reading. Whatever works best for your imagination. Since the fanfic is at its core a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, I personally visualize the disparate visual styles exactly as they are in the game when I'm writing:

Where you've got RPG style Sora, cartoon Donald and Goofy, and live action Jack Sparrow just all standing side by side together, and it's never an issue XD

But if that doesn't work for you, you can always visualize them all in live action or make them all animated/illustrated versions of themselves for consistency (you can find plenty of fanart for the live action characters out there for reference). An idea I've had in the back of my mind is that each world has its own visual style, and the different characters take on whatever visual style the world they're on has. But that's one of those things that's maybe a bit too nitty-gritty as far as lore is concerned to try to canonize.

As to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, I don't currently plan to bring in that world or its characters because I do think it'd get a bit too confusing and pedantic in terms of lore. But, if I did, the only characters who would be considered "toons" would be the cartoons from that movie's Toon Town. The Maleficent, Mickey, Jafar, and so on that you know from the story would still just be people, and the versions of them that might exist in Toon Town would basically be toon "actors" who "played" those characters in the movies.

Hope that makes sense :)

[bullforgery]

Hi,

I have sort of an uncomfortable ask. Asking anon as I know it's a touchy subject.

But I'll start by saying I love your writing. And if you don't want to answer I understand.

But your A/N on your most recent fic addresses readers that may have issues with Dundee on how to enjoy the story regardless. Is there a reason the same isn't done for Barry?

I know Canon caused a split in the community but there are just as many people that take issue with Barry as there are for Dundee (though perhaps not as vocal as the former)

But as someone who loves both hubbies it makes me sad to see in fanfic implying that a character is "understandably" unlikable as if any other character couldn't be.

Just asking because I love your work but that note did make me a bit sad. Otherwise glad to see you're writing for the hubbies again & providing content for the community

Hello!

it stems from long conversations I’ve had with only a trusted handful of people on the subject, but I won’t get into the nitty gritty here and only say that I’m still apart of one community online and not the other for… a few reasons linked with said person. It’s easier when writing to peel these reasons off that character because writing is the ability to choose what to bring from source material into one’s own fiction. (Or in the case of an rp fandom: what to take as IC vs OOC)

It’s also why I’ve made warnings in the first chapter of certain other characters who would be in the story, as their involvement in the story wasn’t problematic at the time of writing—but you know, time, as it happens, happened and at that point there was no unweaving them from the narrative, only acknowledging that degree of separation between characters and their creators. (Which reminds me… I should probably add others to that warning list if I remember…)

simply put, it wasn’t only a canon event that made me put that warning there. Or maybe not simply put, as it’s nearly 1am and I’m quite overtired yet unable to sleep and the more I try to untangle a nebulous idea into words the more soup it becomes.

I would do a whole deep dive into the reason why, but you draw enjoyment from something and I’m not about to throw someone else’s ice cream on the ground over it. I’m glad you like my writing and I do plan to do more once winter rolls in and I have more free time, but they would likely be AUs because it’s easier to shuffle characteristics that way without being hindered by canon events and… certain personality traits.

I’m thinking for the next one… big robots and murder siblings fighting aliens.

-Bull

[kisstheashes]

How to Write Gore: From a Gore Writer

To start: Gore ≠ horror genre. Gore and body horror is a TYPE of horror, but it does not encompass the entire genre. Think of the difference between SAW, American Psycho, and Pan's Labyrinth. All horror, not all focusing on gore.

However, gore/body horror is a part of many genres of fiction. It shows up in fantasy, action, drama, sci-fi...so knowing how to write it can be pretty important. And here, I'll be running down how to write explicit gore, not unlike truly horrific carnage you'd see in the worst crime scene photos. Obvious TW for examples I'll be using (which will be long)

Pick a POV. Is this going to be in the POV of the victim, or the instigator? Or will you switch between them, or will it be a third limited? You should know this before you start the story, but especially make sure you know what voice you'll be using for scenes like this.

Use all five senses. Sight, touch, sound, taste, smell. What is being seen by your POV? Do they hear bones cracking, skin ripping, fluids squelching? Do they smell metal, or blood, or old rot? What are they feeling, physically? Are they shivering in pain, if it's a victim? Or are they steady, or shivering in happiness, as an instigator? Are they biting their tongue so hard they taste blood? Example:

JJ tried struggling and turning his head away, but it was no use. The monster forced his eye open and slowly started taking his toy's eye.

His body strained and he struggled. Nothing Anti had done before compared to this pain. Blood streamed down his face and squirted everywhere. JJ's eye started popping out of the socket as the pain consumed him, making him sick and dizzy.

Anti bit his lip, breaking the skin and drawing a few droplets of blood to the surface. He contained himself and kept a slow pace, enjoying the sight of his toy's eye falling out of its socket. Bright blue and stark white covered in shiny red. Anti felt his borrowed heart start pounding, his hands shaking. He'd waited years for this. Everything had gotten in his way.

Blood poured down half of JJ's face and soaked the thread in his lips. His vision was flashing red and black and white. He could barely breathe and tasted copper. His body was giving out, muscles spasming and limbs going limp. His good eye was blurry with tears.

This could be refined a little more, but I think you get the point. Capture the whole moment, even if it takes you a while to do so.

Get creative. Everyone has read about people getting shot or stabbed during interrogations, torture sessions. Take it a step further. Use the knife or gun in an interesting way, or use a different, unexpected tool altogether. Example:

Maze tipped his head back, running a hand through his hair as Chase brought the cheese grater back. "Take it across your right arm." He slid his eyes over to Chase as he did so without hesitation. The first thing Maze saw had been the blood start making rivers down his arm. When the cheese grater was pulled away the skin had divorced from the muscle and hung in the air, making a V shape with his arm. Maze let out a disgruntled noise as he watched Chase bring the cheese grater to his arm again. Flecks of skin caught in the ridges of the grater and fell to the floor as Chase's blood cascaded down his arm. He could hear Chase's skin ripping off of his arm and his blood dripping to the floor. He could see how the grater tugged at the skin before ripping it off and the skin falling to the floor, into the blood. The whole of his bicep was bloody and torn apart before Maze commanded him to stop.

I first wrote this cheese grater scene in 2018. My friends still say they can't look at a cheese grater the same lmao

And finally, get descriptive. Show, show, show. Be visceral. Be upsetting, be horrifying, and vomit-inducing. Write vomit if you want! Get into the nitty-gritty, show how awful it is, and how inescapable it is for your characters. Yes, it's okay to be panic-inducing! This is horror- and not just horror. This is gore. This is explicit pain and suffering. It's not meant to be soft. It's meant to kick your reader's teeth in. It's meant to get under their skin and make them so uncomfortable it's hard to get through. It's like a car crash, or train wreck, or witnessing a murder. I don't think I need a final example, but I'll give you one anyway. Example:

"Attack." The wasps dived in, stingers first, as they attacked the one Sadreen wanted.

Pinpricks of powder blue blood left the other as the wasps stung, his screams turning to shrieks and confused begging, as they begged whatever held them to let them go.

Sadreen approached the swarm of wasps with even steps and the other, his smirk falling into place again. The other spotted him, shaking his head as he tried to contain his screams.

Sadreen stood in front of the other, inspecting them. Their blue blood dripped out of their wounds, not enough to fall or move. The areas of skin around the wounds blackened, the open wound pulsing with venom, the green-tinged sickness spewing and dribbling out of the wounds, mixing with the drops of blood.

“You should not have meddled with what is not yours, little one.”

The other tried to speak, cut off by blood shoving itself up to their throat, falling out of their mouth in waterfalls, and filling their mouth with their tainted blood.

In their binds they spasmed, foam leaving their mouth. Sadreen uncoiled his tendrils, their form collapsing to the ground with several cracks, as now brittle bones from the venom snapped on impact.

And to close out some final advice: Never, ever, ever let anyone bully you into dumbing down these scenes. They are horrific on purpose. Slap your TWs at the beginning, and keep moving. You gave readers a fair warning, if they read it and then still trigger themselves, that's on them. I know people have had raging issues lately with dark fiction, not to mention horror, but those puritan rules don't apply here. Go wild.

Go completely feral.

You deserve it.

[myersmikey]

Update October 30, 2024:

Wow, it's been nearly 3 years since I've written anything. I am so sorry. My life has been absolutely crazy the last few years, so writing took the back burner. I won't get into the nitty gritty of where I've been (tl;dr met my boyfriend, got diagnosed with Idiopathic Hypersomnia, had surgery because my gallbladder decided to be a jerk, other health issues, experienced some loss, gained other hyperfixations, among other private issues) but I wanted to make a short update here. I'm not sure who will see this as I decided to put it in my pinned post instead of making a post. But I was SHOCKED to see people are still enjoying my fanfictions after all this time. Thank you so very much! I cannot apologize enough for disappearing. Life just... happens. I would love to write again. I lost my spark but I can feel an interest coming back. I won't promise any timing but I'll try to post something soon. It's the perfect time of year lol. I wish I would of gotten interested again a month ago but it is what it is. Thank you for the support again and for reading this update!

Tl;dr: I'm sorry for disappearing for 3 years. Life happened. Thank you so much for still showing love and support for my writing. I'll try to start writing again!

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My slasher Twitter (I'm not as active on there as I am here)

My main Tumblr (shinypiplups) (I'll follow, like, reply, and send asks from there since this is a sideblog) (feel free to not follow it because I only post horror and slasher stuff here, but I post anime and game stuff there)

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My Writing

Tumblr

Wattpad

AO3

I'm not taking requests right now, but I probably will in the future. I'm just wanting to write whatever I want to write. If there's something you think I'd be good at, a piece of mine you want a part 2 or full story for, don't be afraid to suggest it to me and I might do it!

I mostly write oneshots so far, but I'm most definitely going to be making full stories soon. I have several ideas bouncing around my head like a DVD logo.

I mostly write fluff and angst. I'll most likely write smut eventually when I figure out how I wanna write it.

Pretty much just x Reader's rn, but I may branch out eventually.

I have Michael Myers brainrot bad so he's the only one I wanna write for rn. But I will branch out to other slashers and other fandoms.

I won't write anything like pedophilia, incest, noncon, etc.

I aim to always make Y/N as inclusive as possible. They will always be GN unless otherwise stated. No specific features will be used. Y/N will always be an adult because I'm an adult and that's what I'm comfortable with, especially when it's involving a horror movie character. If I ever write anything with a kid, it'll be platonic or familial only and likely won't be from the Reader's pov.

I try to write Michael to be ambiguous enough so that you can picture whichever Michael is your preferred. I often do specifically write for OG and 2018 Michael though. I don't write much for RZ Michael. I do like him, I just like the other two way more. I'll try to do stuff for him every once in a while though.

Individual works:

Protection (2018)

Standing Up (OG)

Unexpected Soulmates (OG)

Comfort (Any)

First Snowfall (Any)

I Won't Lose You Again (OG)

Where Did That Come From? (Any)

When the Snow Melts (Any)

A Lifetime Ago (Various)

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*ON A BIT OF A WRITING HIATUS FOR NOW!*

Current projects:

-One full story in the writing stage (Unexpected Soulmates - Ch 1/16.)

-Fifteen total ideas to be written.

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-Feel free to talk to me or ask questions! I'm not the best at conversation though because I'm autistic and have social anxiety. But I don't bite!

-Hate gets deleted and blocked. I don't even acknowledge it.

-Minors please do not interact! You can come back when you're an adult. I'll block you if I have to. And I really don't like doing that.

-I don't mind if you spam like/reblog!

-LGBTphobes, racists, sexists, ableists go away. I'll block bigots on sight.

-My Posts

-Credit for my header GIF.

[thekristen999]

2021 fic year in review

🌟tagged by @homerforsure, @renecdote and @mellaithwen. Thank you so much, I have truly enjoyed out little circle of friendship throughout the year. Also big hugs to @tulipintulle, you are just an amazing gift :)

total number of completed works: 10 fics (1 meta post)

total word count: 91,600

fandom’s i’ve written in: 9-1-1

looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected?

I had no idea I was going to get swept into 9-1-1 as much as I did. It's a bigger fandom and I felt like a little fish in a large sea, but slowly I feel like I’ve found my little niche. I’m happy that I’ve written a mix of one shots and longer stories. So, I guess, I wrote more than I expected?

what’s your own favourite story this year?

Trying Hard to Remember, Trying Hard To Forget

I’m really proud of that story how it ended up. Buck and Eddie had a shared trauma but their recovery took different paths. Trauma is messy and some people have no memory of their experience and some have it burned into their souls. How do they both reach a point of healing? I also really wanted to get into the nitty gritty of physical recovery, because no, Eddie wasn’t just ‘shot in the shoulder.’

also

Crash Into You

Sometimes you just need a short and sweet, old fashioned hurt comfort fic with a dose of competence.

did you taking writing risks this year?

The World Is On Fire And No One Can Save Me But You

Not so much as a risk but more like a really difficult story to write from a logistics and emotional view point? It’s about handling a call in the middle of a riot. I wanted to keep the tension at the highest level while having Eddie and Buck navigate being first responders during a very chaotic situation.

do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Oi. I wanted to write some Eddie backstory at some point. I have an idea but nothing full grown yet.

The Sci-Fusion of Doom fic during hiatus. Think non-stop action, tension and all the h/c in the world as the team fights for their lives. Sound fun?

Maybe some M rated content for once? Lol.

most popular story of the year?

Are You With Me?

This was my most popular by kudos, comments, and bookmarks.

My post Eddie Begins trauma recovery fic while Buck and Eddie navigate their new relationship. It’s a whole journey toward healing with bumps in the road and trial and error.

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion

Buddha's Arrow (I guess? just based on stats)

Buck helping Eddie learn how to cope with chronic pain. You don’t get shot four times (over the years) and not have issues. I think Buck knows a bit about dealing with chronic pain and helps Eddie navigate that road. It was my least kudo/ed commented fic, but it could just touch too close for home for some readers.

most fun story to write

Alone In The Dark With You

I had so much fun trapping Buck and Eddie in a cave-in. :)

most unintentionally telling story

Are You With Me?

I don’t shy away from mental health issues and try to include techniques I’ve learned from my own continuing journey.

biggest disappointment

I don’t think I have any. I’ll take the opportunity to say that I’m always eager to see reader reactions, it does so much for the author. Support your content creators if you can! Help fuel the Muse for future work.

biggest surprise

Alone In The Dark With You

I guess I should not be surprised but I am delighted at the response to this fic. Then again, it IS Buck and Eddie trying to survive being trapped underground so I get the appeal :)

my favourite part of fandom this year

Fandom brings me joy. I’m so happy to have people to interact with to share ideas, get excited with, read and enjoy art. Let’s keep encouraging and supporting one another. Life is tough. Fandom and fandom creativity can provide moments and hours of joy.

[wynsnerdyrambles]

Muichiro Tokito and an En Media Res Narrative

I'll go ahead and be bluntly honest, outside of Giyu and Shinobu, none of the Hashira instantly hooked me on their characters, in fact I remember not really liking Rengoku all that much when he was introduced in the Hashira meeting, and for those of you who read my Rengoku post, he's easily one of my all time favorite characters. However, despite the initial dislike of many of the Hashira, there were some who still piqued my interest, such as the subject of today's ramble, Muichiro Tokito, the Mist Hashira. Whole Series spoilers ahead, you have been warned.

Before we get down into the nitty-gritty, I feel that I should first clarify what 'En Media Res' is. It's a term commonly used in the analysis of literature, and it means, roughly, 'in the middle'. For example, if a plot is comprised of a character journey from point A, through points B and C, then a typical story starts at point A. An En Media Res story would likely start their narrative at some point between A, and up to point B. As you might imagine, pulling off a story with this structure can be difficult, as a character's arc requires it's whole context to best be enjoyed and understood. When done properly, En Media Res narratives invoke an air of enticing mystery about a character or event; however, when done poorly, you risk alienating your audience via making it too mysterious, or even seeming like you're cultivating a false air of mystery. A reader might be left skeptical if a character ponders the death of their brother, but never seems to think too in depth about it until it becomes plot relevant. Now, there is a solution to this issue, albeit one that also requires a level of finesse in its application: amnesia.

Having a character regaining their past memories at the same time the audience is learning them can make for an incredibly compelling narrative when done well, which happens to apply to one Muichiro Tokito.

Muichiro's introduction establishes a few things about his character:

1. He's an airhead. He's barely paying attention during Tanjiro's trial, instead focused on a prior train of thought, that being clouds. His head is in the clouds eh? Very subtle Gotouge-Sensei.

2. He has a serious streak, along with some serious sass when it counts.

3. As Mitsuri aptly comments, he's quite skilled for one so young.

Combining these character traits, we're left with a somewhat airheaded prodigy with a sarcastic streak who's able to get things done when push comes to shove. But other than that, we know very little about Muichiro's past, but most importantly, neither does he.

Muichiro's got some pretty intense memory repression going on, in response to some fairly traumatic events in his early life; namely the death of his twin brother, alongside his own near death around the same time. When Tanjiro encounters Muichiro in the Swordsmith's Village, he displays a personality, that is frankly, a bit of a jerk. However, he's just as skilled as we've been lead to believe up until this point. His intense interest in Tanjiro's eyes, and his desire to regain his clouded memories is compelling, at least to me. He starts to go up against Gyokko, and is trapped in that water vase (which was the stuff of my nightmares, like hello waterboarding on steroids). At this point in the series, a Hashira going up solo against a member of the Upper Ranks has never ended well, so we've been trained to worry by the narrative. However, it is in this moment of intense concern that Muichiro's life begins to flash before his eyes.

Gotouge-Sensei really likes using this idea that a person's life flashing before their eyes in moments of crisis is the brain desperately searching out a solution. It's how Tanjiro remembers Hinokami Kagura, and how Zenitsu remembers the technique for slowing poison, and even Akaza triggers a memory in Rengoku that gives him one last reserve of resolve and strength. However, Muichiro literally finds strength in his memories. Things that he's inadvertantly repressing brings out his full resolve and rage. It is only after regaining these memories that we see Muichiro's true 'infinite potential' and his acquisition of the Demon Slayer Mark.

This is an incredibly satisfying moment to read, and Muichiro ripping into Gyokko with a Savagery no man may tame just hits

This moment is hype as all get out, I will shamelessly admit to actually performing a fist pump upon reading this moment. It hits because of the nature of his narrative. If he's been asleep this whole time, Muichiro has just 'awakened' and we get to see exactly the answers to this kid's questions. It is an excellent example of an En Media Res character arc done right.

And it's not just this moment that pays off. Seeing Muichiro slowly return to his old self is satisfying to watch. And in the end, he's able to stand up to Yuichiro without fear, and say he doesn't regret the way he lived his life. The destination may have been death, but it sure was a heck of a journey, and interesting and engaging ride.

[meimae]

Look at me, not being on time for my April Immersion Overview as is the usual. (・w・;

First, little blog updates to get out of the way:

I reached 100 followers! Got an influx of people checking out my 1 year update post, and got plenty of nice compliments on my data collection.

For those of you wondering just why I keep up with so much data, it's mostly because it can get really hard to notice how much you're improving in a language especially with something like immersion learning that for people who don't get it feels like a waste of time or a time sink.

Graphs showing consistency, improvement in reading speed, increasing vocabulary counts, and generally just seeing numbers grow turns language learning more fun and motivating for me, and if as a bonus, it encourages someone to try immersion learning then that would be cool!

With that said, whether you're here as a fellow language learner, graphs enthusiast (笑), or just want some Japanese media recommendations, ようこそ! 

Also, made a tiny DP change - it’s チト from 少女週末旅行. Pretty sure it’s the first manga series I ever finished in Japanese (not the first one I started since ちはやふる is still ongoing), and I always felt a bit of a ☆connection☆ with  her - between her book-loving personality and being a no-nonsense kind of person, there was no way for me not to enjoy her character. Great beginner anime/manga if you’re not into most beginner recommendations.

-☆-

April has been a pretty good immersion month, as I was able to dip my toes in a variety of media. A bit competitive, too! The club I joined has been pulling all the stops to get to the Top 20 Immersion Leaderboard in it’s first month. I was able to snag the 9th spot among a bunch of people of different comprehension levels (the majority being N1+ since they’re able to comprehend much more and in turn stand longer immersion hours). Lots of tiny complaints though of potential “whitenoising” content (”listening” and “reading” but not comprehending very well just to get a large number to post), but really what can you do? People lie all the time on the internet. Besides, it’s internet points that doesn’t do anything beyond being a little shiny I guess.

Enough about that, let’s get into the nitty-gritty details you came here for!

ANIME

フルーツバスケット

Might need to rewatch this one. Felt like I didn’t connect with the characters the way the rest of its fandom has. I’m kinda sad about it, since I normally love Slice of Life and Fantasy, and I know this is one of my friend’s diehard shows.

ラブライブ! School Idol Project S2

A filler anime to watch tbh. Nice and easy enough to follow for beginners. Pretty good songs. With regards to it being a show about music and moe, I still 100% prefer K-On! if I’m going to be honest, but for a show about non-toxic idols, it’s good!

魔法少女まどか☆マギカ

First read this as English translated manga when I was 13 or something. Mistakes were made. Let’s all just agree to throw キュウベえ into a pit of fire and never talk about it again. Great ending and a show that really reworked the magical girl genre. But seriously, I was traumatized by マミ’s death then and now, help.

四月は君の嘘

Already knew what was going to happen even before watching this so I didn’t ugly cry like I was expecting. Still got that awful sinking feeling though. 10/10 would recommend for a good cry. Also, I’m planning to read the manga, might enjoy that more, because I’ve always liked it more than anime actually. *shocked pikachu face*

ホリミヤ

Watched before I even finished the manga which felt like a mistake at first until I realized that it perfectly stops where I stopped reading. Nice and comfy anime, the kind I would have loved as a teen. Fun animation too, making parts very dramatic even though it wasn’t really that deep of an issue even in the manga. Just teens feeling feelings. Still salty that we lose bad boy styled 宮村, but I get why it had to happen.

AUDIOBOOKS

氷菓

Second re-listen. I understand it fine, but it’s very easy to drift off when you can’t catch all the words so I had to replay often. Will have to mine more from the anime/book.

君の名は

I mined from the anime, and was really pleased to be able to follow all 6 hours of this audiobook perfectly fine. Will need to read the book, because I realized just how seamless reading it would be after listening to it with hardly any issue.

BOOKS

キッチェン

Completed! Read my thoughts about it and see my stats on this post.

君の膵臓を食べたい

Still trudging on with this one. It’s not a bad story, it’s pretty well written actually, I just made the mistake of watching both the anime and live adaptation first, so I know exactly what’s going to happen and it’s killing my motivation to keep reading. I guess reading the book first before watching the movie still applies in any language with me. Really need to 頑張れ and finish so I can move on. 

三日間の幸福

Started reading towards the end of the month, mostly because I realized that every chapter is only 5000-15000 characters long, and I was able to read up to 40k in a day with Island most days. Only two chapters read so far though because I got distracted by manga, but it’s shaping up to be a really good plot and potentially a really sad one, too, so I’m interested.

DRAMA

花ざかりの君たちへ イケメンパラダイス

Heard this was a classic so I gave it a try. Loved 生田 斗真’s character in this one the most especially all his internal dialogue acted out. Also, 小栗 旬 in anything is bound to be a good watch. Simple and fun watch. They dragged the ending so much though lmao 

ごくせん

Look, I see 松本 潤, I click. Definitely the kind of show you should watch for some great life advice. Planning to watch the 2nd and 3rd seasons even if there is a terrible lack of 松本 潤, because I love my strong female protagonists, and man, ヤンクミ is such a great character. Need to read the manga, too, if I can find it.

極主夫道

Oof, this was kind of hard. The yakuza talk was throwing me off, but the rest of it was enjoyable. Not really plot heavy as I thought it was going to be. The comedy side of it was fun and predictable after the first few episodes. Overall, pretty good slice of life, family story with a twist.

MANGA

Read a bunch of manga this month, mostly because I am struggling to find the next vn to read.

おやすみプンプン

Read a couple of volumes (6-7). This manga is so good, but it’s so depressing I need to stop to take a breather every once in a while. Please don’t leave any spoilers. The club has been reacting to me reading this, and it has mostly been a lot of crying emotes. It’s both been enjoyable to see and really worrying. 笑

チェンソーマン

Club recommendation. Only read the 1st volume so far. I really need to get into more 少年 anime/manga. That’s currently my 苦手 genre which is awful because literally all the top anime/manga is 少年 help. I just can’t enjoy it much still even though it’s comprehensible to me.

ちはやふる 中学生編

Read Vol. 1, chill read to me at this point after reading 45 volumes of the regular manga. Look, it’s my favorite 幼馴染 manga in baby format, of course I’m going to read this! 太一 has been a flake way before season 3 confirmed. Don’t come at me たいちはや stans bc I also like his character.

約束のネバーランド

Volume 7. I’m taking my sweet time with this one, because I heard the anime for season 2 sucked, so I’m avoiding it like the plague. This is 少年 how am I enjoying this and not everything else what.

ヲタクに恋は難しい

Enjoyed the anime hated the movie why did they make it a musical that sucked (ps i normally love musicals hated this one) 

The オタク jargon is kinda hard to read suprisingly but I do enjoy this ship very much. It’s a lighthearted take to otaku culture which is great because seriously it’s scary out there.

ツバサ -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE-

It’s my childhood ship, obviously I will read this again (read in English several years ago). Still as plot twisty as I remember it being (now at a bonus hard level reading it in Japanese 笑). Really enjoyed reading this one (I finished it this May).

-☆-

I’m starting to really dislike furigana in manga. It was a great help as a beginner, but now it’s like training wheels that you can’t take off. I feel like the gains I’m getting from manga is much lower than it was when I first started which makes me both proud of how far I’ve come, but also sad because I love manga. Sad that I might have to start choose VNs over it, because it’s not going to challenge me as much going forward. I mean it didn’t stop me from reading a lot of it this month, but you get the picture.

VISUAL NOVELS

ISLAND

Completed! See my stats and read my long spoiler filled post here.

ファタモルガーナの館

Picked up this VN and finished two doors (15 hours) before stopping. On the fence about it, because it has been kind of predictable so far, and I don’t particularly enjoy the horror genre. That said, this is more psychological than anything, so it’s probably not that that’s putting me off. The language is not exactly difficult, too - maybe some oddly specific words because it is after all historical fiction (which is one of my favorite genres, btw), and 敬語 is definitely interesting to read for once after encountering so many お嬢様 characters in anime/drama so far. 

I think maybe it’s the conversations that are kind of dull - dots (silence) every few clicks that keeps breaking the flow of reading. Probably judging it really harshly too early, because it’s rated so high everywhere, and I just have high expectations. Definitely not dropping it yet though, just taking a break and testing a couple of other VNs before I settle with whatever I end up choosing. It is, after all, going to be another 50+ hour read, and I just don’t want to not enjoy the process, because having fun with the process is a huge part of immersion learning.

Let me know if you’ve read Fata and if I should continue! 

-☆-

That’s it for this month!

If you have any suggestions on what to watch and read next, please send me a reply, especially for VNs because I’m struggling over here.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Dinner Date Chapter 14

Masterlist

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers has a girlfriend. A prickly, generally asocial girlfriend, but they make it work. They have more in common than some people might think.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 14: Trust Issues

Chapter Summary: Steve can generally be trusted to take care of himself. Generally. But even when he’s reckless, there’s always someone there to watch his back.

Chapter Word Count: 5430

A/N: This chapter picks up almost immediately after the last one. I thought that would make it easy, but I ran into a little problem. That problem being…apparently when you change just one little bit of canon, it’s actually harder to fit it in with all the rest you haven’t changed. Or at least, that’s how I’m finding this. Anyway, I warned in “Lunch Buddy” that I very slightly modified how “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” went and you’ll find more about that in here. Hopefully it makes enough sense. As the story is told from a civilian viewpoint I’m not going to be able to put in all the nitty-gritty, and in fact I might have gone overboard on the info in this chapter, but it made for interesting conversations. While I honestly never expected to put as much into the Reader and Natasha friendship as I have, I’m really enjoying it. Anyway, sorry this note is getting kind of long; I just wanted to add that while this story may seem to be developing a plot thread I have a lot of vignettes yet to go that have nothing to do with it, so don’t expect payoff any time soon ;) Please enjoy! ♥

    ~

The next day I was on a short lunch break and took a moment to bother Steve from afar.

Me: So K stopped by Steve: I haven’t even had time to go on any missions! Me: Shush Me: I know Me: ANYWAY Me: She apologized Me: She now assumes Me: (Correctly) Me: That I don’t want to hear about you getting hurt Me: So she pointed me at a video compilation Me: Of anytime someone has caught you getting out of a bad spot Me: And otherwise being a competent badass Steve: That’s nice of her Me: It is Me: It made me feel better Steve: :) Me: And then I started overthinking a little Steve: Oh no Me: I know Me: BUT Me: I know you’re competent Me: I know you’re good at what you do Me: And I just want to make sure you know Me: That I know that. Me: That I’m proud of you and I trust you Me: That I trust you to do your best and come home Steve: I do know Steve: I also know you worry Steve: And even though I don’t like making you worry Steve: -it’s reasonable Steve: I would worry if it was you Me: Okay good Steve: Be careful of your emotion allergies Steve: Don’t want you to get hives Me: Why do you think this is happening over text? Steve: I see Steve: There must be a lot of sneezing Steve: Gesundheit Me: Thank you Steve: No no, thank YOU Steve: Because this is evidence Steve: And I’m keeping it forever

I had to think, because cursing at him just didn’t feel right in the context of the conversation.

Me: Okay Me: But only for you

I felt a little more than satisfied that it took him several seconds to respond.

Steve: You’re making ME soft now Me: You’re softer than you think Me: It’s one of those things we have in common Steve: Just between us? Me: Just between us Steve: Good Steve: Now I’ve got to go put that training book to use Me: Kick ass, take names, stay safe, etc Steve: I’ll tell you all about it when I come over to steal your chips tonight Me: I’ll wrestle you for them Steve: I hope so

The winking face he added made me put my head down in my arms and shake with silent laughter. How dare he do that to me at work. However…I was very much looking forward to seeing if I could make him put any of that ‘training’ to use. It wouldn’t hurt to have tangible reassurance that he could take care of himself, right?

Someone had to look out for Steve in the day-to-day, and if I had to test his skills with food and sex, well, that was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

~

Unfortunately, Steve could only keep himself out of trouble for so long.

Steve: So don’t be mad

I rubbed my forehead. Steve had been unreachable for a week and a half and this was the first thing I saw from him at 9:56 on a Tuesday morning. At least it was him texting and not someone else. However…

Me: Are you in the hospital Steve: No Steve: Actually technically yes Steve: But I’m not being admitted Steve: Just getting checked up

I had too many simultaneous responses to that and absolutely none of them were nice.

Steve: There’s a difference, before you ask Me: Cute that you think I was going to ask

I looked up at my computer, saw the pile of emails I had yet to go through, and sighed.

Me: Do you want me to come by? Steve: No Steve: I’ll be out soon Steve: And then I’m going to go home and take a nap Me: Good plan

At least I could work without guilt. I was just going to get buried later if I tried to skip out on this mess now. As much as I didn’t like not being able to be there for Steve, I still had my own shit to take care of.

Me: Are Sam and Natasha okay? Steve: They’re fine Steve: Watching me like hawks Steve: Or falcons, I guess Me: And spiders? Steve: Eight eyes can see a lot Me: …Let’s stop talking about that Steve: Yes, let’s

I was about to get back to work, however I took a second to open up a new message just to Sam and Natasha.

Me: I’m glad you guys are okay Me: Also you’re my favorites

I sent some hearts to seal the deal.

Sam: Don’t worry, we’ll see him home Natasha: And then YOU can deal with him

I snorted. I was actually looking forward to it.

Steve: What are you texting them Me: Hush and let me talk to some actual adults

My computer chimed three times in quick succession and I let out a groan of frustration that came out a little manically strangled. Of all the fucking days…

Me: I’m sorry Me: I gotta get back to work Steve: Of course Steve: Text me later? Steve: I’m off duty for a few days Steve: I’m going to be bored Me: Maybe if you’re feeling up to it later I can stop by? Me: I can bring you dinner or something Steve: That would be great Steve: I’ll order something in for us Me: We’ll see if you feel up to it Me: I’ll text you later Steve: Later

He sent me a heart and I sent him back a few, plus two more than I sent Sam and Natasha. It wasn’t enough, but it would do for the time being, and I tried to direct my desire to run across the city to visit him into getting some shit done.

~

I showed up at Steve’s building just in time to almost get smacked in the face by the door slamming open. Natasha looked just as surprised to see me as I felt surprised I didn’t get knocked flat, so apparently her impeccable timing was subconscious. The woman could do no wrong.

“Thanks,” I said and held the edge of the door.

Her face held a real straight line of annoyance to it, and she visibly tried to make herself look a little kinder. The frown was, oddly enough, an improvement. “I left the door unlocked for you.”

I nodded, feeling a little awkward to be thanking her again so soon. “Were you here all day?”

She huffed and narrowed her eyes. “I’d have killed him if I stayed that long,” she muttered darkly, like she meant it. She moved away from the door and said, “Good luck,” before she started walking away.

“Natasha,” I said instinctively before she got more than a few steps. She stopped, and I scrambled for what I wanted to say. “Thanks. For getting them home okay.”

She rolled her eyes but there was nothing negative when she said, “They did all right. Even Steve.”

“Yeah well from what I hear Sam is still new to covert stuff and Steve wouldn’t know ‘subtle’ if you plastered it on a sign and hit him in the face with it,” I said. “So: thanks.”

She stared at me a moment and then stepped towards me. “How much does he tell you about these…missions?” she said, dropping her voice.

“Pretty much nothing but that he’s going dark,” I said and shrugged when her eyes narrowed slightly. “And then I can’t really reach you or Sam either. It doesn’t take a genius to know you’re off together.”

“No, it doesn’t.” She glanced up at the building and then back at me. “If he does tell you anything, keep your head straight and try to talk some sense into him. Please.”

“I’ll…do my best.” Well if that wasn’t ominous. “I want him to be safe too. But you know Steve.”

“Unfortunately so. He owes me a bottle of something strong after today,” she said and stepped back.

“Get something nice. You know he’s good for it,” I said and was rewarded with a hint of a smile before she waved me off and went on her way. Those heels must have been quality not to break off with how hard her steps were. However I still had to deal with the source of her irritation. Selfishly, I hoped he wasn’t too bothered by whatever had gone down, but I rolled my shoulders, braced myself, and headed on up.

When I got to his door I knocked out of politeness. He didn’t answer so I asked, “Steve?” and when he still didn’t respond I felt a quick breeze of fear and opened the door. Steve, the asshole, was just sitting on his couch, one arm stretched across the back of it as he stared out the window at nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief and shut the door.

“Well don’t you look like a modern ‘Thinking Man,’” I said and was gratified when he snapped his head to me in surprise. Sue me; he deserved it when everyone was being so fucking cryptic and scary.

“When did you get here?” he asked and stood up. Slowly, I noticed. From the way he carried himself so carefully but didn’t limp, I had to guess that whatever injury he had was somewhere in his abdomen. Maybe his ribs? When he got closer though I saw the faint edges of two healing bruises on his cheek and temple, so whatever got him must have gotten him bodily.

“Literally a minute ago,” I said as he slid his arms around me. I hugged him back and tried to be mindful of his hurts, even though I wanted to squeeze and not let go. He was quiet and slow and it scared me more than maybe it should have, but I couldn’t help but worry. “I knocked, called your name, but you didn’t answer, so I came in.”

“Natasha must have left it unlocked. That’s nice of her,” he said absently and pulled back.

I squinted at him. “Did they find painkillers you can take?” I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling some of it away from his face. “You seem a little out of it.”

“Sorry, I’ve been…thinking.” He seemed to come back to earth, at least, and held my hand in his. He smiled and I almost forgot about my worry. “Thanks for coming all the way after work. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I said and leaned in to meet him halfway for a simple kiss. I squeezed his hand and led him back to the couch. “Sit down. Are you hungry?”

“I already ordered.” He sat down and pulled me with him. It almost served him right when I fell against his side and he winced, but even after I shot him a dirty look and tried to sit up, he stubbornly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back in. The way he held me, though, was close and unyielding and there was something almost desperate about it, so I stayed.

I let him stew until after dinner, when we were back on the couch just sitting in silence. I cleared my throat and when he looked at me I asked him, “Where is your head at?”

He looked down at his lap, at the drink in his hand, over at the wall, and when he glanced back at me and saw me staring he put his glass on the table and rubbed his face. “Am I that bad?”

“You’ve been in outer space since I got here.” I put my cup on the table, just in case, but only ran my hand up and down his back in case he didn’t want to be crowded. “Did something happen?”

“Not really,” he said in a sigh and rolled his neck. He looked at me, frowning. Thoughtful. After a moment his mouth relaxed. “Actually…there’s something that’s been bothering me. Sam and Natasha think I’m crazy, but they also seem a little put off by-…and talking it out with you would be good. You’re unbiased.”

“I’m so unbiased that I have no idea what we’re even talking about,” I said.

Steve took my light tone well enough and sat up as he turned slightly to face me better. He didn’t look quite so pinched, in brow or lip, and I resolved myself to pay very close attention. Still, he said, “I doubt I’m supposed to be telling you a lot of what I’m going to be telling you.”

I mimed locking my lips with a key and then threw that imaginary key over my shoulder. He smiled briefly before he cleared his throat, and though he didn’t go back to looking anguished or distant, he was closer to a frown when he started speaking.

“Back when I first found out Hydra was rebuilding within S.H.I.E.L.D., I was in DC.” Steve looked at me. “You remember Insight?”

I had to think about it, but the Hydra thing gave me a clue. “The big flying gunships that were going to kill a ridiculous amount of people, right?”

Steve tilted his head slightly in affirmation. “That whole thing was how I met Sam, actually.” He smiled wryly. “One day I was trying to flirt with him in the park, and later that week I turned up to his house with Natasha, a kill squad practically on our heels.”

I squeezed his hand. It was over and done, but it still turned my stomach to think of that mess. He squeezed back, and kept a light hold on me. “More importantly,” he said and cleared his throat. “After that, when all three of us were trying to stop Insight, they sent an assassin after us. He was…terrifying.”

I tried to be as neutral as possible, but something that inspired such a dark tone of awe from Steve couldn’t be good. He was staring out at nothing again, eyes narrowed, like he was trying to solve an equation in his head. “He came out of nowhere; punched a hole in the roof of Sam’s car to make us crash, shot Natasha in the shoulder, and matched me hit-for-hit in hand-to-hand combat. And…more.”

How could there be more from a guy who punched a hole in a car and could stand up to Steve? “I thought you were the only super soldier,” I said slowly, feeling a little stupid.

“I was the only one they got the serum right on, but he had to have it too,” Steve said. “I swear it was like fighting a mirror in some aspects. He was much more brutal, but it was so familiar, and that strength– Hydra was obsessed with getting the serum right, it makes sense they’d keep trying.”

“So…he’s…”

Steve slid his arm around me and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll get there.” He cleared his throat. “When we were fighting, he got the upper hand at one point; started pummeling me. He snarled something in Russian– one of my eardrums had blown out at that point, but I thought he said something like ‘give up.’ I don’t know exactly what I said, maybe ‘I could do this all day,’ or something stupid like that–”

“Of course you did,” I muttered, because of course Steve would snark at a fucking assassin who had a good shot at killing him.

“–And he stopped.”

I looked up at Steve, and he smiled without any humor to it. “Yeah, it surprised me too,” he said and rubbed his chin. “Took me a second to kick him off of me, but when I turned to face him he was just on guard. He didn’t move to hit me again. I still have no idea what happened– he wore goggles over his eyes and he had a mask on the lower half of his face. It was so unnerving. But then a news helicopter showed up and when I looked again he was gone. Maria barely got us out of there before the Strike team showed up.”

So there was an assassin out there built like Steve. Who had tried to kill Steve. Hopefully the next part would ease whatever nightmares would inevitably come out of that.

“I was on the last helicarrier trying to take it down. I was…injured,” he said, passing his hand over his side. I tried not to linger on that train of thought, and scooted closer to him.

“–one guy I missed, but just as he was about to take the shot the assassin showed up,” Steve was saying. “And the assassin took him out.”

“Took the Hydra guy out?” I asked. I thought I had only missed maybe a sentence but I found myself scrambling to figure out a polite way to ask him to repeat himself.

“Yes,” Steve said. “And then he just stood there, staring at me. But then the helicarrier started to go down, threw us both when it careened to one side. I landed pretty hard and I don’t really remember much. Snippets. Trying to hang onto the side. Falling. The assassin grabbing me, holding on…and then we both fell.”

Steve didn’t look or sound upset. He was actually quite matter-of-fact about what sounded like another near-death experience for him. I wished I could be like that. Even knowing this was past, that he was here and safe, it still shook something in me to think of all the times I could have lost him without even knowing him.

I didn’t realize how hard I was squeezing his hand until he brought it to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. I looked away from his slight smile and tried to let go, but he kept hold and I (loosely, gently,) wrapped my fingers back around his hand.

“I woke up in the hospital, with Sam waiting for me,” Steve said and leaned back against the couch. “When Natasha came around we were able to put together some details. Apparently the assassin got me out of the water, onto the shore, and waited for someone to show up.”

“Sounds like he bailed on Hydra pretty hard.”

“And for no reason. They were set to win at that point,” Steve said and narrowed his eyes at the wall. “He risked himself to get me out of danger, and I still have no idea why. If I was out of the way…his life would be a lot easier.”

Steve was quiet. I fidgeted. “He was in Hydra, right? Maybe he saw the writing on the wall.”

“There’s more to it than that,” Steve said. “We haven’t found out who he is, but that’s because who he was has been…scrubbed away. Natasha calls him ‘The Winter Soldier,’ and he’s like a living legend as far as spies and assassins go. Nobody knows much about him, but we’ve pieced together that Hydra captured him years ago, experimented on him with their attempts at a serum, used him to perfect their brainwashing techniques–”

“Brainwashing?”

“–And kept him in cryogenic storage in between high-level assassinations they needed carried out,” Steve said like that wasn’t a list of the most horrifying things ever. Well, he was an expert on how monstrous Hydra was. Suddenly I understood his aggressive need to punch them in the face; I wanted to put on a suit and punch them in the face. On behalf of a man who beat up my boyfriend, no less.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked. He was frowning and squeezed my shoulder and I bucked up almost immediately; it felt wrong to have him so concerned with comforting me when I could still see the bruises fading on his face.

“How did he get out of the brainwashing?” I asked. “He didn’t kill you so I’m assuming he’s…better?”

That seemed wrong to say, but Steve lightened up a little. “We had a solid lead on one of the people who might have been able to answer that; the man who oversaw the whole thing. But the Soldier got to him first.” Steve frowned again. “Ka– the man was dead and everything potentially relevant was destroyed. There wasn’t much left; a couple of computers scraped clean and smashed, and the smoldering remains of a leather-bound book.”

“It’s been like that for months,” Steve said. “He’s taking down Hydra and we’re always one step behind. We get sent on missions when there’s word of a potential cell, or location still in use, but he always gets there before we can, burns everything down, and kills anyone still there. Sometimes we show up just hours after he’s cleared house. It was only this last time we arrived before he had a chance to destroy everything.”

I looked him over. “Ah.” I had a bad feeling for where this part of the story was going.

“We needed someone alive,” Steve said defensively. “And computers that weren't scrap. So I goaded him into a fight while Nat and Sam took care of the rest.”

“How did they get you out of the fight?”

“They didn’t. He stopped.”

“He realized what you were doing?”

“He knew pretty quick, but I didn’t let him get away once I had him engaged,” Steve said. “And when I stopped, he stopped.”

“Wait, so you stopped fir–” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “I’m starting to get why Natasha is so frustrated with you.”

“She thinks I’m an idiot and that I’m letting my guard down,” he said, absently stroking my shoulder. “Do you agree?”

“No…not necessarily; I–��” I looked at him and found him already staring at me. I tried to collect my thoughts. “I think you have good instincts, and I think there are a lot of things I don’t know…so no, I don’t necessarily agree with her. I know you’re smart, Steve. I said I trust you to take care of yourself and I meant it.” I tried for a smile. “And I trust Natasha and Sam to look for your blind spots.”

He let out a tiny laugh. “Playing both sides?”

“Sort of, I guess,” I said and slid my arm between his back and the couch to wrap it around his middle. “The guy needs help but who knows how willing he’s going to be to take it. I don’t think it’s bad you’re trying to find out more. But I also understand why Natasha and Sam aren’t fully on board. I might be the same way if your safety was in my hands. So I’m sorry she’s giving you such a hard time about it, but I get that too.”

“I thought if anyone would understand, Na-” Steve started and then stopped so fast he winced and slammed his hand to his mouth before darting his eyes at me.

“Did you literally bite your tongue?”

He shrugged but adjusted himself and cleared his throat. I wondered how long it would take him to realize I could take a hint, but after a few seconds of him looking guilty I said, “Want me to kiss it better?”

He snorted but finally turned a smile on me. “I wouldn’t say no,” he murmured and looked from my lips to my eyes.

“But would you say yes?” I asked and tilted his chin up with one finger.

“Enthusiastically so,” he said and leaned in.

There was much enthusiasm at first, but Steve’s waning energy was almost comical in how fast he went from happy participant to treating a make-out like it was his last set at the gym. When he missed my mouth and tried to cover by kissing the edge of my chin, like he totally meant to do that, I almost had to bite my own tongue to keep from laughing. “Let’s go to bed,” I said and stood up, taking his hand and pulling until he salvaged enough energy to get up.

We were undressed, in bed, and I had even managed to set an extra early alarm before Steve, starting to drift off, snuggled into me and grumbled, “You tricked me.”

“If you thought ‘let’s go to bed’ meant anything other than ‘let’s get some rest so you can heal up,’ then that’s on you,” I said. I gave him a kiss though and said, “Good night, Steve.”

For all his bluster, he barely mumbled a response before he was out quicker than the lamp I flicked off.

~

The next day I was heading off for work (in a different shirt I had thankfully forgotten at Steve’s), when I ran into Natasha again. This time it was much less literal and also not a surprise– she had called earlier to let Steve know she was coming over and I was trying to duck out before she got there. Apparently her way of warning Steve though was to call and suddenly show up, as I barely turned the corner when I saw her standing on the sidewalk a little down the block, leaning against a very sleek car.

“You like to get your browbeating done early,” I commented as she fell in step with me, and we marched on towards the coffee shop.

“We need a debriefing on record, and I can do it remotely,” she said as we took our place in line. “I’m guessing you had no luck either?”

“He is frustratingly stubborn,” I said. I sighed. “How bad is this guy?”

She said “Hmm,” and looked around. “I’ll drive you to work today.”

Well that was comforting. Still, it was a nice offer and I paid for her coffee. I also gave her the name and address of my building as soon as we got in the car. Did she know all that already? I had no idea, and I was happier for it.

“He’s been brainwashed,” Natasha said, picking up right where we left off as she started driving. “He might be coming out of it. He might not be.” She flicked her eyes at me and then stared back at the road. “Even if he is coming out of it, that doesn’t make him safe. I understand that better than anyone.”

There was a story and I didn’t know the most tactful way to ask for it. I settled on wondering if I should ask for it. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I said.

“The man is dangerous to Steve. And, being that he is a highly effective assassin, he may be dangerous to you by association.” Natasha glanced at me. “Have you ever thought about that?”

“Occasionally,” I said, trying very hard not to be flippant despite my very nature. “I know Steve worries about it a lot.”

She stared forward and was silent for a while. I didn’t know if that meant she didn’t want to talk about it or if she was–

“I was like him.”

–fortifying herself wait what?

She peeked at me a couple of times. “Steve did say you didn’t seem to know much about us,” she commented dryly.

“Everybody’s got a perspective. I’d rather develop mine on my own,” I said, trying not to stare too hard. “Is this something that was in that Hydra dump?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I…didn’t really read any of it,” I said and sat back fully against the seat. I did not mention that was because I kept finding dumb memos and receipts for business expenses and got bored. Seeking juicy details wasn’t as much fun when you knew and cared about some of the people who were involved.

“I’m not expecting you to have,” she said. “For this, the details are unimportant. Just know I was almost exactly like him– made to be a weapon for someone else, subjected to techniques to make me more obedient. When I broke out of it I thought I was sound and strong, but looking back I don’t know why I was given a chance, much less allowed any sort of freedom. And I think the Soldier is even worse off– if he’s truly broken the programming. Either he’s coming off many years of immense dehumanization, or he’s playing a long con, cleaning up after Hydra and ingratiating himself for whatever opportunity arises.”

Natasha’s voice went a little quiet when she said, “I almost hope he is. Because then I’ll kill him. No questions asked.”

Holy shit I was so out of my depth. I barely knew how to comfort people when their pets died or their partners broke up with them. But Natasha was good, Natasha was my friend, and I hadn’t heard her like this before, so raw and…well, as open as spies got, I supposed. I wouldn’t leave her hanging. “If he is, and you kill him, that’s– that’s rough, but it makes sense,” I said. “And if not…you’ll help bring him around. But it’ll be hard and hurt, won’t it?”

Natasha parked and I had to look around to see that, yes, my work building was right there, and, yes, we were parked very illegally. But Natasha was so still it scared me.

I undid my seatbelt and had to fumble to keep the buckle from slamming against the window. Once that was settled I leaned over and (slowly, in case she had any objections to the act,) wrapped my arms around her in a very awkward and lopsided hug.

It was obvious I didn’t give a lot of hugs and it was obvious she didn’t receive a lot of them, so at first I felt like a statue trying to hug a cactus, but after a few seconds she relaxed and even hugged me back. It made it worth the pain of the center armrest digging into my side.

“I’m glad you got out and I’m glad they brought you around,” I said and let go. “And I’m glad you’re there to look out for Steve. Even when he’s a headstrong jackass.”

“I’ll probably keep doing it, no matter how stupid he is,” Natasha said. She winked at me. “Don’t tell him that though.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” I grabbed my bag and cracked the door. “Someone has to put the fear of God in him so he comes home safe.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much. Sam and I are there to watch his back. And he wants to come home,” she said softly. She smoothed her face back to normal and jerked her head at the building. “Now get out of here. Some of us don’t have to sit around a drab office building all day.”

“You know, nobody likes a braggart,” I said as I got out of the car.

“Have a nice day at work,” she sang before I slammed the door, and she took off.

I turned, looked at the building, and sighed. I felt so exhausted already that if I wasn’t there I might have called out. But I bucked up, took a step–

–and my phone chimed.

I rolled my eyes but made my way in even as I checked my messages, hoping Steve hadn’t mysteriously gotten more hurt in the half hour or so neither I nor Natasha had been there to supervise him.

Steve: I’m holding your shirt hostage Steve: So make sure you come back tonight Steve: Or else Steve: And bring some more clothes ;)

I rolled my eyes and tried to hide my face with my phone, but when I glanced around I didn’t see anyone from my floor. Good, because I absolutely could not have explained my ridiculous smile.

Me: You’re lucky you have a preternatural ability to find the best take out Steve: And I’m cute? Me: Yeah sure whatever Me: Pick something good for tonight Me: Feels like today is going to be long Steve: Okay Steve: Have a nice day at work Steve: I’ll see you later <3

I slipped my phone into my pocket just a few seconds before I hit my floor and had to walk out of the elevator for actual, real work. It wasn’t so bad though– I didn’t have to go head to head with secret assassins, or sneak through enemy bases, or do anything approaching even a light jog. And the person that did have to do those things was likely resting, would formulate a good plan for their team for the next time, and maybe help save someone in the process. I trusted Steve. And Natasha. And Sam. And that was good enough.

~

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[tmntgirlie]

Saviors in a Half Shell 4

Ah, the plan. The plan to help Y/N, the plan specifically created and constructed to assist Y/N. The Y/N Plan.

Splinter was, as usual, the first to wake up.

He loved his sons dearly, but he also loved the quiet he had when he woke up before them. Once at least one was awake, he knew he would be forced to socialize, step into his fatherly role (not that he didn’t love it, but everybody needs a break from time to time), give advice that only a rat father could. Especially right now, he knew that all four of his sons were nervous about their roles. It was warranted.

It was the ripe time of almost noon. He decided it was about time to make his first cup of tea for the day. Tea was always a pleasant beginning.

As the kettle began to head up, he heard a rustling near the doorway. “Leonardo, you’re awake early-” he began to say, but stopped when he saw who it really was.

Y/N stood, rubbing her eyes. Her hair was a little bit all over the place, something dark shaded under her eyes. “I’m so sorry, what was your name again?”

“You may call me Splinter, my dear. What are you doing up so early?” he asked warily.

“I don’t usually sleep this late,” the girl said, covering her mouth when she yawned. “I’ll take it that last night wasn’t really a dream.”

Splinter quietly added a little more water and tea leaves to the kettle. “You would be correct. Did you sleep well?”

“For someone that doesn’t like sleeping anywhere but my own bed, I’d say so.” She gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Welcoming me into your home,” Y/N said with a shrug. “A stranger, giving me a safe place to sleep.”

“We help those who are in need of help,” he told her, leaning against the makeshift countertop. “You were not in a good place last night. Would you agree?”

Y/N nodded silently.

“I won’t pry into your personal health,” he said. “But I’d like you to know that we can be here for you if you want us. My sons aren’t like anybody else. They may be rough around the edges, but they have good hearts. They want to help you just like I do.”

He poured two cups of tea and gestured for them to continue their conversation elsewhere. She followed him down a few more narrow hallways, carefully holding her cup to keep it from spilling. He pushed back a few curtains to reveal a greenhouse of sorts. It was warm, the air was moist, and the room was filled with potted plants, flowers, and what she thought were herbs of sorts.

“It’s amazing,” she said quietly. “I never thought these kinds of things were even possible down here. You live down here. It’s amazing.”

“We made do with what is available to us,” Splinter said with a small smile. “This is all we have ever known.”

“How did you- you know, come to be?” Y/N asked.

The question he was waiting for.

“As you probably could have guessed,” he chuckled. “We aren’t your typical rat and turtles. Years ago, we were subjects in an experiment to create a substance that could withstand a harsh environment.” He spared her the nitty gritty details, it was likely too early for that.

“One night, a fire erupted in the lab. We managed to escape, though at the time we were still seen as the ordinary rat and four turtles. As years went by, we grew into what we are. It has been twenty-two long years. I took the role as both father and master of the turtles. It wasn’t easy, but it needed to be done.”

“That’s amazing,” she repeated, a little more enthusiastic this time. “You could write a book about this.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’m afraid not. You see, we aren’t accepted by the general population of this city. A select few humans have actually had the pleasure of seeing us for who we are and not what we look like. You are now one of them.” Splinter carefully sat his cup of tea down on a bare crate. He picked up a watering can and began to get to work.

“Need any help?”

“I enjoy doing this myself, but the company is appreciated. If you have any more questions, I’m sure my sons would be happy to explain their life stories to you.”

Y/N searched her mind for their names. It had been so late, the events of the night prior were blurry. She remembered their faces. Each wore a different colored mask. They were all so different, so unique- what were their names?

“Dad, I can’t find-” A voice rang through the greenhouse-room. She instantly recognized it, the first voice she heard. The first one she remembered.

Y/N turned to see who she instantly recognized as Leonardo, Leo. It had just dawned on her that their names were in reference to Renaissance painters. She’d have to ask about that later.

The turtle stopped. “Oh. There you are.”

She waved awkwardly. “Here I am.” She gave him a small smile.

Yeah, okay. These guys were freakishly huge turtles. Who were extremely muscular, bore weapons draped over their shells and at their sides. Sure. But they were her rescuers. She was comfortable with using that word now.

Leonardo noticeably relaxed. “You’re up early.”

“It’s almost noon. I usually wake up before eight,” she said. “...Thank you.”

He tilted his head. “What?”

“Thank you. For last night. I know it was… Not the greatest way to meet you guys, or for you to meet me.” Her gaze shifted down to her feet. “I just have some… Issues. That I need to work through.”

Leonardo turned to his father, who only nodded before going back to watering his plants. He wondered what all was said before he got there.

This wasn’t technically part of the plan, but this was a good start nonetheless.

“The other’s won’t be up for a while still. I’m heading to the dojo for my morning meditations.”

“You even have a dojo?” She couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice if she tried. Mutant turtles that meditate. That live in the sewers, that drink tea (at least one of them), that like Thai food, video games, and who knows what else.

Leonardo held back a chuckle as he gestured back towards the doorway. “You can join me, if you’d like.”

Y/N quickly shook her head. “I don’t even know how to meditate.”

“We all start somewhere. Are you coming?”

It was hard to say no.

Leonardo positioned her at the opposite end of the dojo as him. He gave her a few quick pointers to get her started before he sat down and shut his eyes.

Y/N watched him for a moment before she did the same. His words echoed in her head, so few instructions but so many at the same time.

Count your breaths.

In one, out two, all the way to ten and start again.

Let your mind feel what it needs to feel. Don’t let it engulf you, but allow yourself to feel.

When your mind wanders too far, start at one again. In. Out.

To think that she thought she was good at taking instruction.

In, one.

Two, out.

As she counted up, she could feel a metaphorical weight lift from her shoulders. She could hear Leonardo’s breathing in the corner, though it was soft. She felt his presence.

Shit, did I leave the tea in the greenhouse?

Back to one. Out, two.

Y/N could feel the darkness in her mind. She allowed herself to feel it, welcoming it as a friend as opposed to an intruder. It was part of her, her own way of feeling.

Out, six.

Meditation wasn’t something she thought of to do. Her life was too busy for something like that, she thought. Those minutes could be better spent elsewhere.

Maybe it was time to slow down.

Alright, back to one now.

Time became an afterthought. When she finally opened her eyes, Leonardo was beginning to stand. He reached his arms up, then held them behind his back in a stretch. She swore she could hear some joints popping.

Y/N slowly got to her feet, reaching her arms up towards the ceiling. Where she could see Leo could easily touch the ceiling, her arms were feet away from it. At least she knew she would never bump her head here.

Not that that was a general worry of hers. Not many walls were only five-foot something.

“That was nice,” she said, breaking the silence. “Do you do this every morning?” She recalled when he had said ‘morning meditations’.

“Every morning when I wake up. It helps clear my head and get me ready for the day,” Leonardo told her with a nod. “I’ll do it before nightfall if I need to as well.”

“A healthy habit,” she mused. “The others don’t join you?”

Leonardo gave her a shrug in response. “Sometimes. They’d prefer the extra sleep. Honestly, they could do with a little more meditation.”

“I definitely feel more ready for the day. Or breakfast at least.” As if on cue, her stomach began to growl.

He laughed. “Come on, let’s get you some breakfast.

“How long did we go, anyway?”

“Thirty minutes. You beat Mikey’s record.”

A small feat, she told herself. Mikey did not seem like one to keep still for that long.

Y/N should have referred to their meal as ‘lunch’, especially considering the time. She thought this as they passed through another corridor, one that was a little smellier than the rest. She did applaud them for keeping the place smelling less like sewer than it actually was. Did turtles have a sense of smell?

“So, you meditate. Do your brothers have any habits or hobbies?”

“Raphael does the most physical training,” Leo said, pointing to a door at the end of the hallway. “Weight training, boxing, you name it. Donnie keeps to his science-y stuff. He’s good with technology and chemistry, that pretty much covers most of his free time. Mikey… He has trouble focusing on one thing.”

“Shocking.”

He laughed. “He’s gotten better, more tolerable to live with. He’s not allowed near Donnie’s things anymore, though.”

Y/N stopped walking and crossed her arms over her chest. “Now you have to tell me this story.”

Leo was amazed. She had a completely different presence to her now than the night before. She was sarcastic, she was witty. He could tell she chose her words carefully, but when she looked at him, it wasn’t with the usual disgust or fear. It was with amazement, intrigue.

Strange human.

The tale began of how Mikey had accidentally caused a bad chemical reaction in Donatello’s lab area. It wasn’t a small sort of reaction- in fact, it ended up ruining most of Donnie’s equipment. He refused to speak to him for days as he tried to both fix and replace what had been lost. Y/N made a mental note to ask how they got equipment like that in the first place.

By the time Leo had no more to say, they were settled at the table in the kitchen with some food. He had made up a couple dozen sandwiches with various meats and toppings, all with cheese. When he set the platters down at the table, he paused. “I didn’t ask you what you wanted, did I?”

“I’m not that picky,” she assured him. “You probably need to explain what all these are, though.”

She picked a simple turkey sandwich after an entire speech ensued about each sandwich. They liked variety. As she took a bite, she smirked. “I had no idea turtles ate meat. Good to know.”

“Not sure if you’ve picked up on this yet, but we’re not your run-of-the-mill turtles.”

Oh, she definitely had.

[pass-the-bechdel]

The Good Place season one full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

100% (thirteen of thirteen).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

49.58%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Twelve of the thirteen; seven of those are 50%+, and two of those are over 60%

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-four. Eight who appeared in more than one episode, four who appeared in at least half the episodes, and three who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-two. Eleven who appeared in more than one episode, three who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Solid; the nature of the show is such that they really need to be making a concerted effort to reflect positive, progressive morality, and as such faults in the content would also almost certainly be considered faults in the show itself (average rating of 3).

General Season Quality:

Magnificent! It’s a wonderful ride, whether it’s your first time through or not. Just delightful.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

So, let’s talk about plot twists. In the current entertainment landscape, it seems like everyone is intent upon ‘subverting expectations’, and the good old-fashioned plot twist is very much swept up in that, since a subversion is almost always going to play as a ‘twist’ by definition. The unfortunate thing about this current landscape is that it’s rife with ‘subversive twists’ which are really just bad storytelling; they’re only there because of some pathological fear of predictability, or worse, because the creative minds just want to feel cleverer than their audiences by delivering content that no-one saw coming, serving their own egos at the expense of coherent narratives. If your ‘twist’ is about your own (supposed) intelligence, if you’re baiting the audience by playing into a common trope and then laughing at them for thinking you meant it, if you’re changing the story out of nowhere just for shock value without bothering to build toward the twist because you’re too afraid that someone might figure it out before the reveal...that’s not a real twist. It’s not even a real subversion, it’s just a bad-faith gimmick. It’s not there for the story at all, it’s there to make the writer feel special, because apparently feeling special for delivering quality storytelling isn’t good enough anymore. A proper, genuine plot twist should:

1. make sense in the context of the narrative (it should not be tonally dissonant or jump the tracks into a different genre)

2. make sense with the content of the narrative (it may recontextualise previous events or character choices, but it does not contradict or ignore them in order to function)

3. be foreshadowed (if it comes out of nowhere, that’s not a twist, it’s a random event. It’s a deus ex machina. There’s no story in it if it isn’t built into the fabric of the narrative)

4. ultimately further the storytelling (if it has no consequences for plot or character, it’s a shock-value gimmick, not a real twist).

The above points do not guarantee that a twist will be good storytelling and not just a subversive contrivance for the fuck of it, but they should at least ensure some logical cohesion and protect the integrity of the plot instead of sacrificing it in the name of empty surprise. That covered, it’s easy to see how – even (or perhaps, especially) in this twist-saturated tv landscape we currently inhabit – the big twist for season one of The Good Place still manages to be – in technical parlance – dope. The writing protects the twist not by being ‘too clever’; it simply offers a decoy issue to drive the plot. Eleanor is a Good Place fraud; that’s the first twist in the plot, and it compels the entire season forward. Other twists - Jason’s reveal, Eleanor’s confession, the introduction of the ‘real’ Eleanor - set the stage for this being A Show That Has Twists, but in a way that makes so much contextual sense that it doesn’t set us up to be looking for the next one (a common problem for those shows that rely on ‘cleverer than the audience’ twists - they’ve set themselves up as mysteries for the audience to unravel, and then they kill their own storytelling as they twist in knots trying to keep ahead of millions of intelligent viewers). The Good Place actually tells us outright that something is wrong with this supposed ‘happy afterlife’, it just fools us into thinking that we already know what’s wrong, so that we don’t see the signs of the truth for what they are. Crucially, however, it doesn’t matter if you figure it out before Eleanor does. You can have your suspicions (or have had the show spoiled for you in advance), and you can still appreciate and enjoy it as it unfolds, you can pick up the clues and have a good time with them, and that’s something that all of those gimmicky-subversion plots out there are missing. Their ‘twists’ are not proper functioning pieces of the narrative, and so the story doesn’t work if you already know the reveal; there’s no juicy build-up to enjoy, or worse, you expose your own illogical contrivances or outright plot holes that were created in the course of writing a crappy twist just to feel relevant. The Good Place works because - like any good story - it isn’t about the twist. It’s about the journey.

An important part of what makes the twist work also is that it interweaves the sins of Tahani and Chidi with the discissions of morality without drawing too much attention to them; if all four humans had simply been frauds, it would have been narratively empty, especially if the reveals were coming late in the piece. Jason’s works because it comes out early, and because the Jianyu cover is interesting and distinctly different both to Eleanor’s ploy and to the behaviour of the rest of the neighbourhood, but if the others had turned in the same way it would have been too contrived, too easy, and it would toss out the personalities we had gotten used to (which would violate Good Twist point #2). Since the show DOES pull that trick with Michael (which works because he’s the architect of the whole situation, not a pawn within it), it’s essential that they’re more subtle with Tahani and Chidi’s reasons for being where they are, and in playing it as they do they also reinforce the show’s central deliberations on morality. It’s an inspired framework for approaching what are traditionally considered ‘heady’ themes (and y’all know I’m into it), and every decision about how to approach and balance character behaviour is coming from a position of ethical consideration, weighing not only the acts themselves, but how they compare to the moral theory of various different and conflicting philosophies. It just goes to show that you don’t have to make something ponderous and inaccessible in order to have a cerebral conversation through television - you can do it just fine with afterlife comedy.

As I noted above the cut, the nature of the show automatically lends itself to careful consideration of any feminist and/or progressive content, and as such it should keep a pretty clean bill throughout, or risk cracking its own concept. I do wish they would come out stronger on the queer side of things (as I said in the episode posts, they really aren’t vague about the idea that Eleanor is attracted to women, but her saying words about hot women is still not delivering a lot on the representation front, especially when she is known to do more than say words when it comes to dudes, and the only other queer content we get is the fact that Gunnar and Antonio are soulmates, and that doesn’t technically mean they’re romantically or sexually involved (especially since they’re fakes anyway, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing)). In the mean time though, we have a female lead, 100% on the Bechdel and an essentially balanced number of male and female characters abounding, plus some really nice variety in racial backgrounds (and great names to go along with those - it’s a bit of a peeve of mine usually when show’s include multicultural characters but land everyone with Anglicised or ‘white-friendly’ names. Let the Bambadjans of the world keep their names). We’ve taken a clear stance on even ‘benign’ sexism (i.e. the stuff that’s just men saying inappropriate things - ‘just a suggestion! just a joke! just trying to get a reaction out of you, why are you so sensitive?’ - it’s all literal demon behaviour here), and I won’t pretend that I’m expecting them to get into the real nitty-gritty, but that’s ok. I’m happy to have something which is making a point of not being problematic, because such refuges have real value. So, maybe there won’t be a lot for me to tease apart as the show progresses, but that’s not a bad thing. At the moment, we have green lights across the board, and that’s a hard thing to find. I’m going with it, and we’ll see where we end up. 

[saurons-pr-department]

6 and 23 for the fanfic asks? (I like your blog's new background btw)

I see you are a raven of taste! That’s Mormoth and Butteron. They are the wonderful product of a discord conversation XD

This is what happens when I have access to MS paint; Melkor as a grey, fuzzy moth and Mairon as an orange and red butterfly (with flaming eye wing designs)

Since my profile picture and header were already my own dodgy drawings, I thought why not put this beauty as the background while I was at it?!

Now, for your actual ask!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Probably the planning. I can bang out so many stories in bullet point/concept form so quickly! It’s the nitty gritty of actually wording the story that trips me up a bit. The scene plays too fast in my head to have nice eloquent sentences. I also have some...perfectionism issues XD (I mean.. look at who my favourite character is!) Bullet points on the other hand... oh yeah... I can definitely do the scaffolding of the story easy enough.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? Probably independent ideas. I do enjoy prompts or challenges, but since my motivation to write can be so flaky, I get stressed if I know something is sitting in my inbox waiting to be done and I worry if the person who asked for it will like it. If it’s something that I’m just throwing out there, then I feel there’s bound to be someone who likes it! And there’s less pressure, time wise.

Fanfiction asks

[shinylitwick94]

Finished “Rhythm of War”, fourth and latest in Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive series.

All in all I liked it, but it was a bit of a struggle at some points.

Thoughts below the cut since this just came out and I’m far too free with spoilers.

So, this was another massive book. And my complaints from the previous books remain unchanged. This could have been much shorter and would also have been better for it.

That being said, this book does feel better put together than some of the previous entries and I feel like Sanderson’s prose is improving somewhat.

Compared to the previous entries it took some risks - sidelining Dalinar and most of Bridge Four and bringing forward Venli not only as a major POV character, but as the flashback character.

For my part I wasn’t too bothered by Dalinar and Bridge Four taking a backseat. We’ve had plenty of both, and being separated from the group is important for Kaladin’s journey.

Venli as a main character was a tougher sell, especially where the flashbacks are concerned. The main problem I had here is that unlike in the previous books, the flashbacks here don’t really add much to either her as a character or the overall world. Yes, there are important moments here and there, but most of it is either a retread of what was already seen or stating what had been very clearly implied. So these felt kind of uselessly repetitive to me, and out of place in this book. Maybe they would have worked better in WoR, but I understand why they might be an issue there. It just feels like going back to things we’re over at this stage.

As for the other main characters, I liked everyone! Yes, even Kaladin!

Kaladin is still in a poor mental state, but it actually went somewhere for once, and while I felt some of his chapters in Die Hard in Urithiru were slightly repetitive, I mostly enjoyed his development and the time we spent with him. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the cast around him changes almost completely, so there’s some different beats in there. I also genuinely felt for him when Rock left and I liked the complications in his relationship with his father. His father is a complete asshole, but it does give Kaladin something else to do.

I liked Shallan for the most part, but I felt like there were some pacing problems in her story - it dragged too much early on and was resolved too rapidly at the end. It’s also pretty obvious from the start where it’s going so sometimes it’s hard to be super engaged.

Adolin was also nice and I’m glad we got to spend more time with him. I’m not completely sure if I’m satisfied with his resolution either, but he’s one of those characters I tend to enjoy reading regardless of what he’s doing.

What little we got of Jasnah and Dalinar was also great, and while I still don’t really like Wit, I did like his dynamic with Jasnah.

But my favorite character in this book was by far Navani! I already liked her before, and I loved her plot even better here. Which is surprising, considering how much I tend to detest the way Sanderson goes into the nitty gritty of his magic systems. Maybe it’s the perspective shift to someone who knows what they’re doing instead of the newbie being fed “Magic A is Magic A” speeched. Regardless, loved her plotline and her interactions with Raboniel and this was by far my favorite part of the book.

The ending was less over the top dramatic than the endings of the previous books, which I frankly appreaciated. I like this kind of thing better than the super marvel-esque battle drama tbh.

All in all it was a fun read, and I’ve grown to enjoy the series as a whole enough that I will pick up #5 whenever it comes out.

[theofficialcapclone]

My Thoughts on Sanders’ Sides Selfishness v. Selflessness Rudux

Spoilers for the new Sanders' Sides episode Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux and a tiny bit of Steven Universe Future. So I don't usually write reviews or anything like that for Sanders' Sides episodes. However, there's a lot of things I think about Redux, the newest episode, that I think is worth sharing. Before I get into the nitty gritty, let me share my general opinion. I thought it was a really good episode, like all the other Sander Sides episodes. It has generally good humor, angst (which as someone who writes stories and DMs DND games, is very entertaining), and brings up good questions as well as answer some. I also love all the video game things, and while I didn't immediately laugh at the repeating Leslie joke, the third time it came around it got me. Not sure if this is my favorite episode, but it is definitely worth a watch. So the easiest way for me to get out my thoughts is by talking about each character and their roles in the episode. I'm going to start off by talking about Thomas, and then talking about the sides. Also, I'll be calling Deceit as Deceit until we get to his part.

Thomas (I'd like to clarify, I'm talking about Thomas as a character in the series. None of the things I'm about to say are what I think of Thomas in real life.) Honestly, I don't have a lot to say about Thomas himself. I always see Thomas as the character who you can imagine being, like how Harry Potter is. He's the one to ask the majority of the questions you or I would ask, and the emotions he goes through, the delimas, are all ones that we can and do go through. Beyond that, I don't have anything to really say about him.

Logan Logan didn't have much of a role in this episode, which to me is fine since he had a big role in Dealing with Intrusive Thought. I was admittingly a bit annoyed at the parts of his information I had to read, instead of him just saying it, but I understand why they went with that and I still enjoyed learning the information he brought into the episode. It's likely this episode won't effect him much in future episodes, and this episode didn't really change my opinion of him. (He's my favorite side BTW.)

Roman Oh boy, now we have 2 sad boys in the Sanders Sides household. It's really interesting to see Roman dealing with moral delimas, since we don't see him dealing with these types of delimas as often as say Patton or Virgil. I can see he definitely adds to Thomas's reckless selflessness thoughts that we see him struggle with throughout the episode. I also think it's cool to see him not exactly disagree that he hasn't done harm, but willing to admit it. However, that doesn't mean he won't side with a light side even if he thinks that they're wrong, as we see when Deceit shows up when Patton turns into a giant frog. He sees things in a very black and white way, which as we know isn't exactly how things are. In future episodes, we'll likely see him struggling to accept Deciet, and we might even see him become a bit aggressive with Virgil again since Virgil was a dark side. Roman will likely continue struggling with Bias towards the dark sides in future episodes and will also likely get an episode talking about this issue.

Patton So, I'm gonna admit, I was annoyed with Patton throughout the episode. Just, his constant talking about how you should aim to be selfless, no matter the cost, was really irking me. If that's what Thomas and his team were trying to make the audience feel annoyed, or as least that there was definitely something wrong, then they did an awesome job. I'm glad that they didn't go in the direction of Patton being right or Patton being completely wrong. Just, good intentions but the wrong idea. I'm also glad that Patton was accepting of Deceit, showing that Patton can see the good in anyone, even someone who seems to be someone you wouldn't want to associate yourself with. Patton will continue to struggle with helping Thomas know what the right thing to do is, but he's making progress towards figuring that out. We'll likely see him struggle in little ways, and growing as a character. I can't wait to see what happens with Patton in the future. Also, this isn't much of a deep thought, but I have a feeling that Patton's transformation into a giant frog was inspired by the part in Steven Universe Future when Steven becomes corrupt.

Virgil ...Or, a lack of Virgil, I should say. The entire video I thought 'You know, Virgil would bring up some good points both for and against Patton's argument'. I feel like with the lack of Virgil we're going to get something big with him, along with the dark sides. I think he could be wondering if he really belongs with the light sides, and if Roman keeps arguing against Deceit being accepted, then he's going to break.  For right now, he's a bit of a mystery, again. Will he rejoin the dark sides? Will he stand by the light sides, even if he has to fight for it, even a light side? Or will he decide that neither side is for him and become neutral? For now, all we can do is speculate.

Deceit/Janus I'm really glad Deceit/Janus  isn't being perceived as just a dark side in this series. He brings up really good points and he's a delight to see on screen. I really like the message he brings that you need to allow yourself leisure time, or you'll go insane or even hurt yourself if you don't. The way he moves during the time he is on screen in Thomas's living room is subtle, but it does show that he does want to be accepted by Thomas and the light sides. The way he sways, the way his eyes move. The fact that he told us his name! his actions show us he wants to be accepted. Deceit has easily become my second favorite side thanks to this episode. At the end of the day, he wants to help Thomas, just like the light sides do. Lets just hope Roman doesn't crush his chances at proving so.

Remus Remus also wasn't in this episode, but seeing how Deceit has similar humor to Remus is just, perfect. like, yes. This is how living with people really is. You end up getting the same sense of humor whether you like it or not.

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So, in conclusion, this was an extremely enjoyable episode with a lot of things to say about it. I can't wait to see what happens in this series next~

(Let me know if you guys like this, I might continue it if you guys like it.)