#I drew upon my own experiences for the depiction of the hospital stay

[thatonebirdwrites]

Book

(Part of Lena's POV from Coffee) Follow-up to L-Corp, Chill, and Scotch (Lena's POV), Catco and Family (Kara's POV), Kara and Heat, Plumerias and Ink and Aura

Hospital time exists outside of real time. Lena finds the days fold into each other, like origami, each design needlessly complicated mess. The pain simmers like an old friend, while the other symptoms irritate her. Sitting upright is difficult, and the dizziness exacerbates her sense of unreality.

Plus the unrelenting nausea from the medicines has her not wanting to eat anything.

But Sam, Kara, and Kelly won't stand for that. Nor will her nurses. So she drinks the broths and meal-replacement drinks, snacks on the frozen fruit pops, and tolerates the crummy decaffeinated tea.

She's certain she'd lose her mind if it weren't for the steady stream of books.

The one Kara reads to her she keeps on the bedside table for that is their thing now. It surprises her how much she enjoys Kara's reading voice, and the unique voices she gives each character is utterly delightful. She should ask Kara to come read for the kids at the Luthor Children's Hospital. They'd likely adore it.

So for the times when she's alone and not sleeping or taken for wheelchair 'walks,' she reads whatever the technicians find in the meager hospital library. Most are romances, which aren't her cup of tea, so she urges them to seek out any other genre.

Which is why she's reading about the origins of corn today. She expects it to be bland, but instead, she finds herself engrossed in the vivid prose, each description almost like poetry. The writer is an Indigenous woman who gardens for a living, and her storytelling prowess amazes Lena. She also reminds her of Kara due to how easily excited and fervent her prose becomes when digging deep into the history of corn and its interactions with humanity.

She's so engrossed that she misses the knock on her door at first.

"Ms. Luthor?"

She looks up, confused. The person in her doorway isn't any of the nurses or technicians that she's seen so far. Instead, they are dressed in what looks oddly like pastor garments. Their skin a deep mahogany, and their eyes a brown so dark that it blends with the black of their pupils.

"Yes?" She does not like religious people. So why one stands in her doorway irritates her.

"I was asked to stop by." The person smiles and takes a step closer. "I'm Chaplain Grove, they/them pronouns, and an agnostic. I'm here for those that aren't religious but may wish to have someone to help process their stay."

Lena blinks and tucks her bookmark into the book. She adjusts her bed with the controls so she's sort-of sitting upright. It makes her body ache and her chest hurt, but the numbing meds in the IV cools her arm and helps control the pain.

"I asked for you? When?" She searches her memory, but the unreality of time in the hospital makes it very hard to be certain of the day or when events transpire. She notes the clock, and how it's still an hour before Kara shows up.

At first that knowledge made her anxious. Now she years for it. Kara's presence grounds her, comforts her, and it honestly terrifies her how she's already fallen back into Kara's gravity well.

She has no sense of self-preservation when it comes to that blonde alien.

Grove nods. "You asked to talk with someone about your situation."

"Oh." That's right. The nurse last night, after the nightly meds, asked if she needed anything, and she'd replied, "I think I need an outside opinion about my situation. Someone who doesn't know me."

They pull a chair closer and lean forward, their hands clasped over their knees. "What is it you need?"

She might as well roll with this. "Someone I love deeply hurt me. Lied to me about their..." she can't outright say alternate identity, so she settles for something mundane, "... side job. I know it's a dangerous one, but still. It hurt."

"Your partner?" they ask.

Why is everyone calling Kara that? Lena probably should correct people, but part of her desperately wants it to be true. But that requires more trust than Lena knows how to give.

So she nods and just goes with it.

Maybe this bubble will burst when she leaves the hospital, and she'll have to reckon with the reality of their shattered friendship (relationship?). She's too tired, too in pain to think about that now. She wants the comfort, the grounding, the solidity of Kara's presence.

As much as Kelly and Sam's presence helps ground her too, it's not the same.

"Have you talked with her about how you feel?" The Chaplain asks.

"Yes, before my hospitalization." If their gazebo talk counts as that. "She apologized, promised to be honest, and do better."

"And has she?"

The question stops Lena's thoughts entirely. Has Kara done so?

She thinks through the conversations they've had since Kara's confession at the Pulitzer's. Thinks of how open Kara has been about all aspects of herself. Thinks of the tentative stories Kara shares about her childhood on Krypton, stories she admits she's been too fearful to tell anyone, even Alex. How honest she'd been about the need to hide, and how difficult it is to break those habits.

Little bits and pieces that slip out during her visiting hours.

"Yes, yes, she has." Surprise fills her, and a surge of yearning that brings tears to her eyes. "It's hard to trust her still."

"What's stopping you?"

"I..." she frowns. What is indeed? "Fear I guess."

Chaplain Grove nods. "That's a common motivator. It can be hard to push past it. Do you want to trust her again?"

"Yes, yes, so much so." The word spills out fervently, the desire for Kara so intense that Lena has to briefly close her eyes. God, she's hopeless, isn't she?

"Then why not choose to trust her? I know it sounds easy to say, but often the act of choosing can help build that foundation of trust. By choosing to trust, by choosing to try again, by choosing to be present, trust begins to grow again. So again, what's stopping you?"

Damn, this dude is good. She doesn't know what to say in response to that. So she settles for a simple reply. "You've given me a lot to consider. Thank you. I'd like to think it over alone now."

They smile. "Do you need anything else?" When she shakes her head, they stand and adjust their vest. "Then I'll let you rest. If you need me again, don't hesitate to ask."

Lena lifts her hand in a farewell, and watches them leave. The silence wraps around her, and the chaplain's words dance through her thoughts.

Choosing to trust. She knows it's never that easy.

With a sigh, Lena places her book on the side table and lowers the bed to an one-hundred and sixty degree angle. Much easier on her chest and back.

She looks up at the speckled ceiling, a drab white, and glances around the room at the paintings of waterfalls and mountains. Outside her window a palm tree moves in the breeze, and she sees the wing of the other side of the hospital.

She thinks of her talk with Kelly yesterday during her visit.

"How are you feeling today?" Kelly settles into the chair by her bed. She has a bag with her, and she pulls out knitting supplies to keep her hands busy.

"Pain, exhaustion. Irritation. Nothing new. What about you?" The way Kelly keeps their conversations simple helps Lena cope. She doesn't want complications right now. She's too sick and scared.

Kelly sighs. "I relate to the exhaustion and irritation. Alex and I had an argument about the lies she's done in regards to Kara and her work."

"Oh." Lena winces. She's partially responsible for that since she'd outed Kara to Kelly. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's all right." Kelly waves her hand at Lena with a smile. "We talked it out last night. I understand she couldn't tell me about Kara without permission, and Kara's need to hide is... a need of hers." She starts a new row of whatever she's knitting, the yarn a beautiful blend of violet, red, and turquoise. "Alex admits that part of that drive to hide is her and her mother's fault. They wanted to protect Kara. Apparently the government found out where she was as a teenager, and tried to take her away for training."

Lena's eyes widen. That sounds creepily like what her brother did with Red Daughter. "Did they?"

Kelly shakes her head. "Alex's father offered himself instead. Alex didn't get into specifics. There's a lot of trauma there."

Lena rests her hands on her stomach and looks at the ceiling. "Gives more context to it all," she says after a long silence.

"Yeah, it certainly does."

"Do -- do you forgive Alex for her lies?" Lena's not sure exactly what she's asking, but she needs to know Kelly's answer.

Kelly studies her for a long moment, her fingers deftly moving along. The clatter of the knitting needles roots Lena in the present far more than she cares to admit.

"Yes. It's not easy, but that's part of loving someone. We both apologized, we both sought repair, and we'll do better." She smiles and pauses her work to lightly touch Lena's hand. "This is what worked for me, so don't feel like you must do the same."

Lena smiles grateful for Kelly's words, but truthfully, she wants to forgive Kara. She wants things to be okay. She's tired of being angry.

She's facing death yet again, but this time it's slow and painful. Where each day feels like it might be her last. Where sometimes her breaths are so labored, her heart pulsing with pain, that the alarm of the EKG beeps a honing signal for Lady Death to visit.

But then nurses come and stabilize her, and she's wrapped once again in that timeless haze of this drawn-out healing regimen.

She's under no illusion that if Kara and Sam had not intervened, she would be dead.

The memory of Kelly's talk coupled with the Chaplain's words tangle together in Lena's mind. It feels almost like the universe itself is telling her to trust Kara.

The more she considers the situation, the more she sees how much of a pedestal she'd placed on Kara. She'd assumed perfection, placed far too much expectations on Kara, which was bound to explode at some point, regardless of Lex's meddling. That isn't fair to anyone.

Yes, Kara hurt her. Yes, trusting her again is terrifying.

But her actions since the confession proves that Kara is trying to be better. Lena can see that now; funny how being ill gives her a clarity she failed to have prior.

A knock sounds on her door again, and this time when it opens, it's Kara.

Her beautiful, lovely, and often frustrating love. She's wearing black slacks, suspenders, and a button-down violet shirt. Downright illegal handsome, especially with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Hey," Kara says, nervously. "How are you feeling?"

Lena reaches out her hand. The urge to touch Kara, to feel her warmth under her fingers overwhelms her.

"Why not choose to trust her?" The chaplain's words echo in her head, followed by Kelly's "...that's part of loving someone..."

Kara scoots the chair close to her bed and grasps her hand. Lena tugs until she's even closer, and presses Kara's hand against her heart.

Since her confession, Kara's followed through on each promise, has been almost brutally honest at times, and here she is, faithfully coming every day for hours at a time. She's Supergirl, and yet she puts her Catco job, Supergirl, and all her duties aside for Lena.

Lena knows she's staring. She sees how Kara shifts and the blush that blooms on her face.

A smile curves her lips. "I'm glad you're here," she says quietly and finds she means it.

The hospital is less scary, less daunting when Kara is here. Sam may hold back the dread with her jokes and tales, but Kara's presence melts into Lena like water saturating her dehydrated cells.

A literal sunbeam and golden retriever rolled into one, and Lena finds that she can't stay away. Doing so nearly killed her.

Choose to trust?

Okay, she will then. As terrifying as that is.

***

The chaplain visits four more times, partly due to Kelly's advice. "They're trained in therapy too. Some of my cohorts ended up as chaplains. The other option is to ask for a psychologist, but they often can be more formal. I highly recommend either."

Lena trusts Kelly's expertise, so she asks for the chaplain. Each visit is only thirty minutes, but she finds, to her shock, that talking about her emotions help.

It's a novel idea.

Not a new one. Sam has been on her for years to attend therapy. She has no intention of telling her of this development since Sam is already insufferable enough.

But Sam notices the change anyway.

"You sure are calm, despite being locked up in this room," Sam says one evening. Lena's not sure which day of the stay, that timelessness of the hospital is as present as always.

"Hardly locked up," Lena drawls. "I just am too ill to move much."

"Do you walk at all?" Sam leans forward, and digs her elbows into Lena's bed to prop up her head. "Because I read laying for long periods isn't good for your muscles."

"Yes, the nurses have a physical therapist come by to work with me." Lena rolls her eyes. "I'm being cared for, Sam."

"Good. You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you seem more at peace with yourself." Sam smiles, but her forehead still has that crinkle of concern. "Who would have thought a hospital stay would bring you peace."

"Forced rest does wonders to the spirit," Lena says.

"Then perhaps we'll work in forced rest periods into your work hours," Sam jokes with a grin. "It'll be the Lena Luthor Rest Hour."

Lena weakly swats Sam, but she smiles. If this stay has taught her anything, it's drilled home how important rest is for one's body. How she's not a machine but a human with weaknesses and strengths.

And having a human body means rest as much as she loathes how it breaks into her productivity.

It hits her then.

"It's a Luthor trait to keep going despite the pain," Lena says, slowly. "I was taught productivity and efficiency is what matters the most. But that's not right at all. Love matters the most. I wouldn't be here if not for the love you and Kara have for me." She looks at Sam and tears sting her eyes. "Thank you."

Sam gently rests her hand over Lena's. "Of course. You're family."

Family.

Such a confusing premise, but Lena's starting to understand what family can be. Warmth, comfort, love, laughter, tears, grief, and trusting others to have her back.

It's something she's deeply wanted for so long, and she finds it here with Sam, with Kara, and with Kara's friends.

Sure, the lies hurt still, but no one is perfect. Even someone who loves her can fuck up, just as she messes up too. Perfection is unattainable, and she's learning to be okay with that.

Maybe choosing to trust isn't as hard as she thought.

***

Lena finds herself falling each time Kara visits. Not physically falling, but more falling deeper into love.

She's given herself permission to tentatively trust that Kara means it when she says she'll do better. That opens a door somewhere in Lena's heart, and she finds that she can't look away when Kara's at her side.

She wants to map Kara's face with her eyes, to capture this moment in perfect detail in her memory. The warmth of Kara's hand in her own as she holds it against her heart seeps through Lena's spirit.

Kara doesn't have to do this. She doesn't have to come faithfully, and yet she does. She's always done this. Always thrown aside her duties whenever Lena was in need.

The lies hurt, yes, but the warmth of these other memories began to break that hurt down. To repurpose it into the growing trust foundation. She thinks of the Japanese style of using gold to seal cracks in ceramic vessels. She's mending the cracks with Kara.

Learning about Kara's mind-healing sessions melts more gold into the cracks of their foundation. It's evidence that Lena didn't realize she needed to witness.

So shouldn't Lena try to be better for Kara too? Isn't that part of loving someone?

Her eyes rove over Kara's face, the tan of her skin, the golden locks that curl in perfect ringlets, her soft features, and the light she emits by simply being Kara.

God, she loves her so much. Those months making herself scarce had been torture, and now, as she struggles to heal from Endocarditis, she's caught up in the gravity well of Kara's gentle and loving support.

Kara had been the one to alert Sam, and now Lena has a fighting chance to beat this infection of the heart. It's almost poetic in a way, that of all her organs it's her heart impacted the most.

"Do I have something on my face?" Kara blushes and fiddles with her glasses.

Lena laughs. She can't help it. Kara is adorable when she's flustered. "Just your glasses."

Healing may be painful at times, but it also wraps her in a joy and fervent hope. One she's never allowed herself to ever feel prior. She's always been waiting for everything to crash down on her head, for the good to be taken from her.

And yet, Kara, Sam, and the others haven't left. Her brother tried to steal this all from her by ripping into her insecurities and fears in the worst way.

And yet, despite it all, despite the horror of what she's done, she's not alone. Kara is still here.

Lena wants to kiss her. (She doesn't.)

***

When Kara comes the next day, Lena has finished yet another book. This one a silly mystery, where she'd guessed the twist halfway through the book. But it passes the time.

Lena's restless. Tired of the same walls, but she's too ill to handle siting up for long, and the antibiotics side effects exhaust her.

On days when the symptoms are less, she sits in the reclining chair by the window. Birds like to build nests in the palm trees outside, and watching them brings her a quiet comfort.

The doctor's visit yesterday had alarmed Kara. Lena could see that, but it's no surprise that the infection is stubborn. Much like Lena herself.

She suspects this will end with surgery, and she knows how much Kara fears that. She'd been uncharacteristically wild in her tone, her eyes wide with fear, during the doctor's discussion about test results and Lena's condition.

So today, Lena holds out her hand and pulls Kara close, until the chair is pushed against her bed. She reaches out to gently run her hand through Kara's locks. She wore them down, likely due to Supergirl duties before this visit.

Kara studies her, intently, a quizzical look on her face.

Lena's fingers trail down Kara's cheek to her chin. She's not sure how to comfort Kara. Such things don't come easy for her, and with how ill she feels, she can't do much more than offer words and touch.

"You're here," she murmurs. The words inadequately sum up her thoughts. "We're both here."

"Yes?" Kara is still, as if afraid to disturb her. Her blue eyes are dark, and her tongue licks her lips so swiftly that Lena wonders if she imagines it.

She runs her thumb over Kara's lips, and feels the moisture there. "Time seems suspended here," she says, softly. "Days blend into one another. The sun rises and sets, and yet I'm still here. You keep saving me."

They've spoken of this before, but she can't help it. She's had far too much time to think over her life while stuck in this hospital room. The antibiotics certainly add to that surreal feeling, with how woozy they make her feel.

"I always will." Kara's gaze sears the air between them, and Lena wants to grab Kara's shirt, tug her closer, and kiss her.

But she's still too weak. So she runs her thumb over Kara's lips instead. Kara doesn't stop her.

"You're gorgeous, you know?" Lena whispers.

The blush decorates Kara's cheeks, and she sucks in a breath. The expelled air warm against Lena's fingers.

"It's cute how flustered you get with compliments," Lena says, dryly. She can't hide her smile, especially as Kara's blush deepens.

"Lena," Kara whines, but says nothing more.

Lena rubs her thumb over Kara's cheek, and thinks of how this grounds her and distracts her far more than pain meds and reading books.

For Kara is a book in of herself. Her pages on display for Lena to read, her stories rich with details now that they are fully honest with each other. With Kara, she can read forever, never tiring of the tale, never wanting to put the book down.

She holds Kara's story in her hands, and she wants nothing more than to delve into its prose, to mine it for the wonder of Kara's indomitable spirit and her endless trove of knowledge.

Each page turned, each moment shared, spills yet more gold into the cracks, and Lena feels full of hope and love.

Does she write upon Kara's heart in turn? Is their growing relationship transcribing a shared story between them? Is this what partnership is like?

All of her care team calls Kara her partner, and Lena finds she likes it. She likes it far more than she should.

Is this partnership forged because Lena's ill? Because she's in the hospital? Will it stay once she recovers and can return home?

She doesn't want to let it go.

Tears sting her eyes. Wetness dampens her cheeks. Kara's hand wipes away her tears.

"I'm here," Kara says, gently. "You're not alone."

Lena presses her face into Kara's hand.

Trust grows when the ground is fertile. This timeless hospital stay fertilizes the ground, pushes Lena to face her mortality, and she knows that Kara deserves so much more than Lena.

And yet, Kara is here anyway.

An open book that unfurls more stories each day. Each glimpse into Kara's Kryptonian heritage draws Lena closer, each memory of her Earth years sparks Lena's curiosity. Each time Kara turns the questions on Lena, and tentative she shares her own stories.

It goes against her instincts, and yet, she understands Kara's fear of loss, her need to hide. Hasn't she too hidden herself behind an impenetrable wall of ice? Yet, Kara's light melts the ice.

Will she survive this infection? Lena doesn't know, and tries to be realistic. So why not allow herself this guilty pleasure?

She's trying, and Lena can do no less.

"I know," she says. "You've always been here."

That truth transcribes across both their hearts.

***

Being under anesthesia is not a pleasant experience. Lena wakes groggy, confused, and afraid. Her heart aches, and her vision blurry, her glasses and contacts somewhere else. She feels along her blankets, touches the railings of the bed, and the cold metal grounds her. The lights are dim but still too bright.

The fear slowly abates. She's in the hospital. That's right, and she's recovering from something. It takes longer for the thought to coalesce into the word 'surgery.'

That's right. A surgery happened.

Her last memory was the anesthesiologist explaining each of his actions, while he administers the dose. The surgeon and nurses are all dressed in their blue surgery garments, gloves, and masks, their hair tucked up into the blue hats and hair nets.

Now she lays on her hospital bed in a large room full of other patients. Nurses and other specialists flutter between beds.

One of them stops by her bed. "Waking up?" The nurse sits down next to her. "Can you tell me your name?"

Lena blinks at the man, his skin a deep amber, and his eyes a warm hazel. "Lena," she manages, her throat dry. "Kieran Luthor."

"Good. Do you know what year it is?"

She's confused. Why is he asking? "2020..."

"Great." The nurse smiles. "Would you like something to drink? We can offer some apple juice or water."

"Juice please. Where exactly am I? Did -- did the surgery go..." She's a little dizzy still.

"You're in recovery. We need to watch over you until the anesthesia is fully out of your system." The nurse adjusts the blood pressure cuff and slides the oxy-meter onto her finger. He writes something on a clipboard by her bed. "Surgery went well. Once you've recovered more, the doctor will speak to you."

That's a relief. Lena briefly closes her eyes. Her mind flutters to Kara, and she pictures Kara's affectionate smile, the warmth of her body, and the kindness in her words. She opens her eyes and blinks away the floaties.

"Where's Kara?"

"Your partner?" Even the recovery nurses call her that. Huh.

"Yeah." She really shouldn't be encouraging this, but she can't help herself. She wants strong but gentle arms to hold her close. To warm her and remind her that she's alive. She wants Kara at her side, and that yearning pierces through the haze on her mind.

"She's waiting at your room. We don't normally allow visitors back here." The nurse pats her hands. "Let me get your juice."

She watches him walk toward the counters at the back of the room. Her memory sizzles with fog, but that's slowly starting to lift. Her thoughts start to come easier.

When he returns with the juice and a drinking straw, she gratefully sips, the cool liquid soothing her throat.

She's left alone again, but only brief as the nurse comes by to take her vitals again. It's a procedure that she's grown used to in her long stay here, and she moves her arm the way the nurse needs to get the most accurate readings.

No clocks within vicinity, which means she has no idea what time it is or even the exact day. She sips her juice as her mind slowly reclaims itself from the haze of anesthesia.

Once again, time sneaks away from her.

The ceiling is painted a light blue with white clouds, and the air has a sterile scent. Soft, pleasant music hums in the background.

"Ms. Luthor?" The surgeon steps up to her bedside. He's back in a white lab coat, with his blue mask still on his face. His hair is slicked back in a ponytail, his skin a deep tan. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she says. "Less pain."

He smiles. "Good. The surgery was a success. We cleared the pustules and repaired your valve. I recommend taking it easy for the next few weeks. Rest is your friend here. Your heart needs more time to heal."

"Okay." Lena figures that rest will be her life for the next few months. Between Sam and Kara, they'll keep her to that. "What else do I need for recovery?"

"I'll speak with your primary doctor, but I do recommend physical and occupational therapy. You'll need to ease back into exercise, and both can assist with that transition." He makes a notation on the clipboard. "Any other questions?"

Normally she'd unleash a dozen or so, but she's tired still and the haze has only recently lifted. "No, thank you."

"Okay. If you have any, ask your nurse, and we'll come by to chat again." He looks over the equipment recording her vitals and heartbeat. "Looking good. Would you like to see your partner now?"

Lena nods. "Yes, please."

"I'll have the nurses wheel you to her. We'll need to supervise you a few more days, but if things continue to improve, you'll be home soon enough." He clips the pen back the clipboard and pats her shoulder awkwardly. "Take care, Ms. Luthor. A nurse will be by shortly."

She's not sure why she assumed 'wheel' meant a wheelchair, but she's only a trifle disappointed when the 'wheeling' means the entire bed. For the ride, she tilts the bed to an angle that lets her sort of sit up. Not a full ninety degrees, but an easier one-hundred and fifty degrees.

The trip from the recovery suite to her old hospital room has far too much bright lights, and Lena closes her eyes against the glare.

She opens them when she hears Kara's lovely voice call, "Lena! Oh, gosh, you're okay." Kara stands in her room with Sam. Both stood from where they'd been waiting by the window.

"Hi." Lena lifts a hand in greeting. The technician lines up her bed and rehooks the vitals -- the EKG, oxy-meter, blood pressure cuff, and IV.

"If you have any questions or need something, let us know." The technician nods at Sam and Kara. He places the controls by Lena's hand. "The doctor will be by later. Rest."

After he leaves, Lena takes a steadying breath. "I survived," she says with a hint of pride. The pain simmers still, but it doesn't diminish her relief at finally seeing the end point of this journey.

"You sure did," Sam says, tears in her eyes. "You really need to stop scaring the shit out of us, Lena."

"And leave you complacent?" Lena drawls. "Better to keep you on your toes."

"Lena..." Kara tentatively reaches for her hand, but hesitates.

That won't do. Lena didn't just survive a heart infection for Kara to hesitate.

She grasps Kara's hand and tugs her closer. Her own hand trembles too much, but that's okay. Recovery takes time. She presses Kara's hand over her heart and smiles.

"I'm so glad you're going to be okay," Kara says, tearfully.

"This one was losing her mind waiting." Sam drops back into the armchair. "Almost used up my entire Dad joke catalog. Going to have to devise new ones now."

"I can't wait," Lena says sarcastically. Sam's Dad jokes are the worst, but that's part of Sam's charm.

"She's beating me at them," Kara says with a slight pout. "I tried to come up with some, but she had two to every one of mine."

"A dad joke contest?" Lena doesn't know whether to laugh or roll her eyes at their ridiculousness.

Sam laughs. "Oh yes. Next time, we'll have you and Ruby judge us. Whoever loses has to buy the snacks for the other."

"What?" Kara looks at Sam, mortified. "No way. You'll just buy me healthy snacks. I've seen what you and Ruby eat."

Sam shrugs. "Then don't lose."

Lena can't help it. She laughs. It makes her chest ache. Tears stings her eyes, and an immense gratitude and wonder saturates her. "What would I do without you two?"

"Be extremely bored," Sam says.

"I won't even entertain that," Kara says, firmly. "Life without you is dull and sad."

Lena softens. She's seen what she's like without Kara, and she doesn't ever want to go back to that. She lifts her other hand and tenderly touches Kara's cheek. "Then I'm glad you're here."

The blush tinging Kara's cheeks makes her want to kiss her, but instead she runs her thumb along Kara's lips. Kara kisses her thumb, and Lena feels it through her body.

"You two," Sam says, breaking the moment. "No wonder everyone here keeps using 'partner' for Kara."

She drops her arm as heat warms her face and neck. "Yeah..." she has no idea how to explain to Sam. She didn't know Sam had noticed that.

"And you two just went with it?" Sam glances at the two of them.

"Um... well," Kara sputters. "I just am following Lena's lead, and uh, it's nice?"

"Just nice, huh?" Lena says as she smiles.

Kara flushes again, the red deeper. "Well, uh, more than that, you know, I mean..." she trails off and rubs her thumb over Lena's palm.

"Red looks good on you," Lena teases.

That earns her Kara's characteristic whine. "Lenaaaa...."

"God, you two are sickening." Sam shakes her head. "Here I am, showing up for my best friend, and you're flirting like teenagers in front of my soup."

"You don't have any soup?" Kara says, confused.

Lena chuckles. Her eyes droop shut, the day catching up to her, and she tugs Kara closer so she can wrap her arms around more of Kara's arm. The warmth seeps through her.

Yes, today marks the start of a new chapter. Lena is glad that Kara and Sam are here to help her write it.

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.