#I dream of this song being added so I too can punch along with the stock punching sfx

[ir-dr]

Day 3661 - 6 September 2024

🥊②

Note: The song in #9 is "Hatsune Miku is Going To Beat You to Death" by AmityP on YT

.//projectTiGER

[dnd-writes]

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Pt. 1

AO3

Tags: Non-con, this whole fic is just one whole degenerate lump of non-con, so warning all of you already at the beginning. BFH, very degenerate, unedited, Third-person PoV (cause easier that way), sex slave!Julie, sex slave!Natty, sex slave!Belle, sex slave!Haneul, sex slave!Kiss of Life, sexual slavery, sexual exploitation, contract manipulation, clothing control, slapping, punching, kicking, spitting, deflowering, anal deflowering, painal, dry vaginal sex, facefucking, cum on food, frozen dildos, I think that's all or most of it but you get the point

A/N: 1. First of all, thank you to @fillinforlater for the fic idea. Idk what the fuck happened, at first I was following the plot he laid out, then I changed this part, then I added this part, then this, then that, and I blink and all of a sudden I have this monstrosity of a fic 2. Fic has nothing to do with the song, just thought it would fit as a title 3. If anyone asks, for this fic I "changed the timeline" of KIOF's pre-debut stuff to essentially fit in June 2023, cause y'know, Haneul. 4. Part 1 cause Smite's prompt had a second part that I also want to write but it's gotten so long I decided to split the fic into two? parts.

It’s finally happened, she’s finally done it! After years of hardships and struggles Natty has finally achieved her goal of being in a K-pop girl group, the dream she once thought to be impossible now becoming a reality as she takes the pen and puts her signature down on the contract with tears filling her eyes. Some might call her crazy or an overreactor for bawling out but for someone who has gotten eliminated in the finals of not one but two survival shows, tears of joy sound like a reasonable reaction. 

Although Natty has already spent nearly a decade training, she is still looking forward to training more with her new groupmates. Even if it might take a decade more, as long as her dream comes alive, to her it’s all worth it. 

Natty expected to be surprised on her first day but she wasn’t ready to face what was in store for her. Having been a trainee for almost half her life, there’s no doubt that Natty has heard rumors about the industry, the drastic measures required to stay in form, the horrible things that happen away from prying eyes, the exploitation, the harassment. Though to her, they were all just rumors, just silly little things that people made up, little did she know that the rumors were just a teaser of what’s to come.

Natty goes through the front doors but instead of the vibrant and cheerful place she visited not long ago, the company now has a faint and eerie atmosphere. Lights are off, not a sign of any person in the immediate vicinity, it’s like the place never was alive to begin with. “Maybe I just came in at a wrong time,” she thinks as she navigates her way to her destination. Natty ascends to the fifth floor and as she makes it there, she hears subtle heavy breathing echoing along the halls. She decides not to get too curious and instead looks for the meeting place.

Natty stands just outside the door with a large smile prepared on her face, “This is it,” she tells herself as she gets ready to meet her new sisters. Her jolly expression quickly fades as she breaches the door, sitting inside are two of her three new groupmates. While very excited to finally meet them for the first time, what catches her attention the most are their outfits—both of them revealing way too much skin, a stark contrast to the jacket and jeans she has on. One of them is wearing booty shorts and a crop top cut short enough to barely cover her nipples and Natty notices that she doesn’t seem to have a bra underneath it. And all she can see on the other is a large red shirt barely making its way past her hips. 

Natty forces back a smile, trying to regain the excitement she previously had. There’s just four seats in the middle of the room all facing each other and Natty takes one of the two empty ones. It was awkward at first but the tension slowly dissipated as the three began talking, though a sense of eeriness still lingers behind. They start off introducing themselves to each other and Natty quickly learns that it’s Haneul who is wearing the crop top and Belle is the one wearing the red shirt. Once they got the awkward introductions out of the way, they proceeded to talk about random things. They start to talk about their lives now, their lives as trainees in previous companies, how the two knew of Natty in her time in survival shows. Although, every time Natty would try to talk about their outfits, they would pause and take a deep breath but then they would either play it off as if it was a normal thing or just change the subject entirely.

With no obstructions between them, Natty can’t help but notice some details with their apparent choices of clothing. Natty doesn’t know if she’s just imagining it but when she looks at Haneul’s crop top, she swears she can see a hint of darkness which she can only guess to be are areolas. Then there’s Belle who is sitting in the chair across from her, her short red shirt hikes even higher up her body while she sits down and Natty can see, clear as day, Belle’s pussy just hanging in the breeze. Natty tries to ask her about it but Belle just looks at her as if she was a crazy person.

Eventually the last member arrives, Natty somewhat expected her to also be similarly dressed which she is but the state she came into the room in was what shocked her the most. The last member arrives wearing a yellow sundress though from the looks of it, it might be a size or two too small. As she stands there trying to introduce herself to Natty, she keeps on adjusting her dress, struggling between pulling it over her chest or pulling it below her hips. But her attire is the least alarming part, her hair is all frizzled, her lipstick is smeared, and there’s drops of liquid dripping from between her legs. Natty forces another smile as all four of them start to talk together. The mystery girl introduces herself as Julie, their new leader. Julie takes the remaining seat and, similar to Belle, her dress hikes up, even higher compared to Belle’s shirt, and Julie’s pussy is visible to everyone. No one comments on it but Natty quickly sees that a pool of white is forming between Julie’s legs and it seems to come from her pussy and her butt.

Natty was right in that her first day would be full of surprises, though she did not expect to be such horrible and gut wrenching surprises. On her way home, she starts to recall the rumors she has heard over the years and after thinking back to what she saw earlier, they’re starting to become less like rumors and more like the harsh reality of the industry. But Natty brushes the thoughts aside, thinking to herself that her dream of being part of a K-pop group is being fulfilled and if it means even worse and troubling obstacles, then she will just overcome them too. She has had years of training, what’s a questionable dress code compared to that?

The next day arrives and Natty tries to remain optimistic, wearing another bright smile as she enters the practice room, though just like the day before it quickly drops. There’s a fifth person joining them that day and Natty can only assume he’s their choreographer only except he’s wearing nothing but shorts. While his toned body is in no doubt hot and amazing, given the situation and the very very prominent tent he’s sporting, Natty is deeply disturbed.

She says hi to him and then at her group mates who she has just noticed are still wearing the same outfits as the day before albeit with some slight changes—Haneul’s isn’t even covering her chest anymore, just dangling like a necklace above her shoulders; Belle’s red shirt has streaks of white all over the front; and Julie’s dress has a rip at the top as if her breasts were breaking free. Natty couldn’t even find the time to feel sorry for them as the man starts to talk to her as she comes in. “Hey, you’re the new girl right? What are you wearing?”

Natty stands frozen in place. She hasn’t gotten any sort of instructions or clothing to wear. Has she missed something? 

The man carries some papers over to her. “Did you not read this?” Natty recognizes the papers he’s holding, it’s the contract she signed. He flips through the pages and gives it to her, “See? Right here.” He points at the clause labeled “Attire” and Natty reads through the fine print. “In the company, the members should wear what is given to them or any clothing that they have. Provided that their tops have sleeves not longer than 10 cm and bottoms not longer than 20 cm.” With just her luck, she’s wearing a sweater and jeans that day. Natty couldn’t believe this, she remembers reading every detail of the contract but not once has she seen this. Natty continues to read the page and the next clause is labeled “Sex.” It reads, “The members cannot object to their bodies being touched or used by the employees of S2 Entertainment. The members must follow every order given to them, whether they are willing to do so or not. If the task is impossible to do, the members must accomplish it to the best of their ability. None of this can be mentioned to anyone outside of S2 Entertainment.” Natty could not believe her eyes, such inhuman clauses on her own contract. She hastily checks the last page and there sits her signature, bright as day. She looks at the others in disbelief but they can only stare right back at her with empty expressions.

The man grabs the papers back. “Well? The clothes we have are still in the laundry, so unless you have spare clothes with you or something, the only solution is to undress.” Natty looks at the others again for help but they just shake their heads and Julie mouths “Sorry” to her. “Are you going to do something about it or do you want me to take care of it?” Driven by fear of getting manhandled, Natty turns around and rushes to take her clothes off. Even with her back to everyone, she can feel the stares stabbing into her back. She feels so sick and dirty as she takes her sweater off and as she shimmies her pants off of her hips, she doesn’t realize she was involuntarily shaking her ass for everyone not until the man squeezes her butt.

Natty shivers in the cold room but it pales in comparison to being just in her underwear. Though it’s just the choreographer she has to be worried about, the lustful stare he gives her is enough to make her cry. Julie tries to console Natty but not a second later Natty hears a slap echo in the room, she looks up to see the choreographer in front of Julie who’s holding the side of her face.

The rest of the day goes pretty ok given the circumstances, mostly just going over the song and the choreography that went along with it, though their instructor occasionally helped himself to cop a feel while teaching and he seemed to be most interested in Natty, always focusing on her mistakes, groping and feeling every inch of her body as he “teaches” the dance.

The next day, Natty moves into the group’s dorm. “This time, it will be better,” she tells herself, maintaining that bright and optimistic perspective on life. She hopes that in the dorm it will be much funner and freeing, just her and her group mates living together and hanging out all the time. 

She opens the door and peers inside, to her surprise it’s really clean and quiet. Although she’s been very optimistic about things, deep down she was expecting similar horrors to what she has seen the previous days and seeing such a pristine and spacious living space is enough of a relief for her. After bringing her things through the door, Natty explores the place. In the living room there’s a huge flatscreen TV and a couch big enough to fit more than four people, and in the kitchen there’s lots of space available and a big fridge. Natty checks the fridge and salivates seeing lots of veggies and drinks inside, then she checks the freezer and almost falls to her knees from hunger seeing all the meat. Natty was about to slam the door shut when she notices a red dildo slightly hidden in one of the layers, she gives it a touch and confirms that it is ice cold. She blushes slightly, thinking that one of her group mates is kinky like that.

Natty hops over to the rooms, excited to see what those are like after seeing how extravagant the common areas are. She first checks on the room to the right, as she goes in she’s met with a very odd-looking room, half is very bland and empty while the other half is very decorated. “This must be my side,” she whispers while looking at the empty space. Over in the decorated half she sees Haneul fast asleep in her bed, seeing her wearing pajamas and not some skimpy outfit brings a smile to her face.

Natty closes the door gently as she makes her way to the next room. She barges through the door and immediately regrets it, the dorm which she expected to be their “safe space” away from the shit they have to go through at the company, turns out to just be an elegant looking prison. Natty was so happy about the place but unfortunately, it was too good to be true.

Natty sees three people all in one bed. Nearest to her is Belle, lying on her back and sobbing into her hands while a red dildo is shoved in her ass. Next to her is Julie and some man relentlessly pounding into her from behind. Only the man reacts to Natty’s arrival, looking over his shoulder to smile at Natty, it’s a different man, one Natty hasn’t met before. “Hi, Natty… I’m your… manager… Will you be a good girl and… pull that out of Belle?”

Natty should feel offended by such a crude question but after a week of “training,” she’s gotten to know better. Disgusted and disturbed yet Natty still drags her feet across the floor towards the three of them. “Just pull it out but do it slowly, don’t want to hurt her… even more,” he quickly adds the last part, chuckling as he does so, clearly enjoying himself at the expense of Julie’s and Belle’s pain. 

Natty glances at Belle, her face hidden in her hands, her body red and blue all over, her ass adorned with a bright red toy. She touches the base and immediately recalls her hand, it’s cold, ice cold. Natty considers herself a fool for even thinking for a moment that the freezer dildo was a kink thing, perhaps it might, but not for the person she thought it to be.

Belle’s quiet sobs turn to whines as Natty starts pulling the dildo out, the sound alone is enough to bring tears to Natty’s eyes, knowing that even though she’s helping, she’s still causing some pain. Natty continues to pull but at her slow pace it feels like it would take forever, she doesn’t even know how long the dildo is and as more inches get pulled out, the more worried she gets knowing how far it was in Belle and how much it could have hurt. 

Finally she pulls the thing out which calms Belle, her asshole closes back up, her body relaxes, and her cries die down. Natty looks at the dildo in her hand, the thing is almost as long as her forearm, she quickly throws it away and out of her sight.

Their manager turns to see that Natty has done what he requested, he gives Belle a slap on the ass and then Natty a pat on the head. “Oh nice… you’re a good girl... Natty… So here’s… your reward…” Before Natty could process anything he said or did, she feels her hair being yanked and her face quickly diving towards the bed. He makes her face to the side and starts to paint Natty in his cum. She hasn’t felt cum yet, let alone seen a dick in person, but the warmth and stench it leaves is enough for her to hate it.

“Wake Haneul up and have her clean you up, or you could just drink it all yourself, I wouldn’t mind. Just make sure to record, ok? When you’re done, Natty, meet me in my room, it’s at the end of the hall.”

And just like that he leaves, satisfied and so full of himself, while the three girls lay exhausted and broken.

Julie is the first one to recover among the three of them. “Let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll go get Haneul, he hates waiting too long.” Before Julie can step away, Natty grabs her wrist. “N-No! I’ll do it. I’ll… try to do it.”

“You sure? Alright then. My advice is just do it quickly. Hwaiting.” Julie flashes a weak smile and raises her fist for encouragement and Natty reciprocates the action. 

Julie takes her phone and starts recording. Natty sits at the edge of the bed with Belle just slightly out of the shot. Natty scoops up all the cum on the side of her face, just doing so disgusts her immensely. With most of the white liquid in her palm, she puts everything in her mouth and gulps it all down. For a second all is well but the aftertaste hits her like a truck and she starts coughing again and again. She expected to hate it but it was beyond awful. Only when Natty calms down does Julie stop recording.

“Go to his room, it’s on the left. I’ll just put this back in the freezer,” says Julie as she picks up the dildo from the floor.

“He hates waiting.” Natty repeats, with no time to rest, she gets to her feet and moves to the manager’s room. Natty’s hand reaches for the doorknob but she stops herself before she can even touch it. This time around she opts to knock instead of just barging in. “Come in,” says the voice from the other side. Natty enters the room, it looks much bigger and more grand than the other rooms, a bigger bed, a TV, a mini-fridge, it was practically its own apartment. “So nice of you to knock, you’re still dressed but that’s an easy fix.” 

She notices him ruffling through some stuff in his drawer, she tries to take a peek but he closes it before she can see what was inside. In his hands are a remote and a collar with her name on it. “We just met a few minutes ago but I think you’re my favorite already.” He puts the collar on her, tightening it so it fits exactly around her neck. “Whenever you’re here at the dorm, you have to wear this, ok? And everytime I press this button.” He raises the remote and clicks it, sending a small stinging sensation to Natty’s neck. “You have to come to me. It’s only at one right now but if you’re not here within five minutes of me clicking it, it goes up by one, permanently.” Natty gulps but with the collar snug around her neck, it made it a little uncomfortable. 

“Ok so where’s the video?”

“Ah, Ju-”

As her name is mentioned, Julie barges into the room, phone outstretched with the video ready to play.

“Ah, there it is. Thank you, Julie.” Julie hands her phone over and stands in place, like a robot waiting for her next command. “Aww, look at Belle sleeping so peacefully. Oh wonderful, drinking it all by yourself. See, I knew you would be my favorite.” He hands the phone back to Julie and she starts to leave but before she makes it out he issues one final order for her. “Julie, be a dear and get Haneul. She’s been sleeping all day, I haven’t had my fun with her yet. Actually, you know what? Now that Natty’s here, just get everyone.”

With just the two of them left in the room, he walks over to Natty. Seeing his erect dick twitching so much causes her to involuntarily step backwards and his brows suddenly furrow. “Now, now, Natty.” The sudden change in his tone and expression is enough to strike fear in her heart, afraid of a punishment she puts her foot back to its original spot causing his smile to return. 

“Sweaters. Always so annoying, I heard you’re huge but I can’t really tell with that stupid thing hiding your tits. From now on in the dorm, Natty, only wear tight tops. Oh, better yet, no tops at all. The only thing I want to see you wearing above your hips is that collar.” 

Instantly Natty’s hands start to move, getting rid of any clothing on her torso as soon as the new rule is implemented. She can see it in his eyes, hunger ever growing with each article of clothing she removes. As soon as her shirt comes off, he starts salivating. “My, oh my, you’re huge. Looks like Julie’s got competition.” Natty reaches behind herself to unhook her bra but pauses for a moment, she realizes this is the first time she would show her breasts to anyone, many have touched and played with them at the company but not one has unveiled her boobs. As her bra falls, his dick twitches in excitement. 

The rest of the group arrives. Belle is the first to enter, her legs very tired and her ass still very sore. Next comes Haneul, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Last is Julie, her head held high and her face serious, looking like a guard rounding up the inmates although she isn’t any less of a prisoner compared to the other girls in the room. The four just stand in silence like mannequins and their manager walks around and gropes whatever he pleases as if doing some inspection. 

“Haneul… what did we say?” says the manager very disappointedly. His tone shocks her awake, “I-I’m sorry,” she bows then starts getting out of her clothes. He scoots over to her and slaps her in the face. “I’ll let you off easy this time since Natty’s finally here but I’m doubling the next punishment.”

After Haneul, he moves over to Belle, whose legs are barely keeping her standing. “You cross me again, I’ll make sure you won’t even be able to walk for the rest of the day.” He punches Belle and she easily drops to the ground sobbing, he kicks her while she’s down to add insult to injury. Natty can only shiver upon hearing everything happen behind her, does she even want to know what Belle did to make him so mad?

He moves over to Julie and the first thing he does is spit on her face then he uses his fingers to smear it all over. Julie keeps her composure, just closing her eyes as he plays with her face, not flinching or whining at all. “You should thank Natty for being here, ‘cause you’ll finally have some time to rest.” His hands cup her breasts, giving them a proper feel before he moves on to a bigger and better pair. 

Finally he comes back around to Natty, the only person in the room with any piece of clothing still on. “Tell me, Natty… Have you fucked before?” Natty gulps again knowing the implications, though it was bound to happen eventually. She shakes her head and he smiles. “Oh, a virgin? So many people in that building and not one has fucked you? Well their loss, we’re gonna have so much fun together.”

“Change of plans girls, looks like I need some ‘catching up’ to do with Natty. Go do whatever you want for now, we’ll be here for a full day or two.” 

But just before he dismisses them, he goes back to Belle, still on the ground holding her side. He spits on her face too but this time he uses his foot to smear her face. “Don’t think I’m done with you just yet. Be ready for your final ‘lesson’ when I’m done with Natty. Now go, all three of you, leave.”

It’s wicked really, how sick and twisted all of this is, all the expectations Natty had, completely flipped around. Shining eyes looking up to her turns out to be lustful stares looking down, helping hands turn out to be forceful gropes, and managers turn out to be owners. Natty looks over her shoulder with tears starting to form in her eyes, though her hands remain still, her stare acts like a hand reaching out to save her from the depths of hell but alas, all Haneul and Julie could do is return similar sad gestures as they carry Belle away.

The manager locks the door as the three leave and immediately gets back to Natty, even with all the time in the world at his disposal, he wouldn’t want to waste a single second. With the rest of the group gone, Natty feels even more miniscule and useless, even more of a toy as his gaze is solely on her. He comes up behind her and fills his hands with her tits, with Julie’s he can still grasp the whole thing in his hands but Natty’s can barely be fully contained. He starts to fondle and play with her nipples while slowly moving his mouth closer to her neck.

Natty easily starts to moan loudly, she wants to keep quiet to avoid giving him that pleasure but her complete lack of experience and the resulting lack of tolerance betrays her. He sniffs along her neck, “You smell so good and your tits… so fucking soft.” He finds a patch of skin along the front of her neck and starts to kiss and suckle on it, Natty explodes into a moaning mess, shouting in pleasure as if she’s having the time of her life.

The pleasure gets cut short as his hands move down to her waist. “Sweatpants… another cock blocker. From now on, just don’t wear anything, Natty. Your body is so hot and irresistible, wouldn’t want any clothes hiding your beauty. Don’t worry about getting cold, just come to me and you’ll be warmed up in no time.” His fingers slip into the waistbands and he slides both her underwear and her sweatpants down to the ground. He’s the first one to see her tits and now he’s also the first one to see her bare ass and pussy. As much as she doesn't want to think about it, he probably will be the first dick she takes in every hole.

The manager circles Natty slack-jawed and wide-eyed as if admiring a sculpture he has just made. “Fat ass, soft and heavy tits, pretty face. You’re just the perfect little toy, aren’t you? And a virgin too, just the absolute best, if I could I would just own you forever but sadly I’ve got a job to do. Although… maybe I can have you be my roommate instead of Haneul’s, that’s probably the closest I’ll get.” He leans down and frowns at what he sees. “Unshaved, unfortunate, guess you can’t have absolutely everything but it’ll do. First thing I want you to do when you’re out of this room is get that shaved, got it?” Natty’s been unmoving and frozen in place for so long that it takes her a second before nodding her head.

The manager pushes Natty onto the bed then flips her to face him. Her full body is on display for him, each delicacy just sitting idle like food in a buffet, up for grabs at any time. He licks his lips as he considers his options. 

“Two virgin holes, which to try first? The other three bitches came here already used, so this will be a first for you and me.” He slaps his dick against her pussy, grinding on it and feeling the slight hint of wetness it’s giving off. Next he considers her asshole, very puckered and looking very small compared to the head of his cock as he pokes her with it. He licks a finger and prods inside, the way his finger barely pushes through excites him and the way Natty winces seals the deal for him. 

He lifts Natty’s legs up and hooks them over his shoulders, giving him a perfect angle to ravage her ass. He lines himself up and slowly pushes his way in, not even bothering to spread her cheeks to mitigate the tightness. Natty is already breathing heavily as she feels her asshole stretching to accommodate him. “Please,” she begs. “It… It won’t fit.”

He just smiles and caresses her cheek. “That’s the fun part, a tiny virgin asshole broken open by my cock. I’m gonna remember this forever.”

As soon as Natty’s sphincter spreads wide enough for his girth, he shoves the whole thing inside. “AHHHH!!! TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!” Natty fires a blood-curdling scream as his cock swiftly overwhelms her. It hurt for him too given how dry her butt is but only barely, plus her cries only work to alleviate him. 

He locks her legs in his arms and her hips in his hands to keep her from moving. Her hands might be free but Natty doesn’t have the strength or the courage to lift them up. Her ass feels like it’s on fire from the dry friction between the two of them. To her, it’s like hell. To him, the fire feels like an invigorating force. 

Her anal walls hug him so tightly, it’s like Natty’s ass is begging him to fill her up and who is he to turn down such a request. Her ass is so tight, it’s practically milking him dry, any tighter and he might not be able to pull out. In just a few minutes he starts to orgasm, the hardest and fastest one he’s had with any of the four girls. He pulls out and scrambles to find his phone, wanting to cherish this moment forever. “Second load of cum and many more to go. You’re gonna be such a wonderful cum bucket, Natty, milking me everyday. You’re going to love my cum and my dick in no time.”

Natty tries to stand, to do something, anything, but her body is just worn out already, completely exhausted, completely given up. The manager, on the other hand, is the exact opposite, even after tearing Natty’s asshole apart, he’s still hard and ready for another round. This time he has his eyes set on her cherished virginity. 

He hooks her legs back onto his shoulders but this time he carries her then pins her to the wall with her wrists bound by his hand above her head. While flexibility isn’t a problem for Natty, she is now face to face with her assaulter. She closes her eyes and looks away but that doesn’t stop her from feeling his hot breath on her face. His tongue pokes out and licks along her cheek, tasting her tears and her sweat, he leaves a trail of his saliva as he travels from her jaw to her ear. “So salty, so delicious. Everything about you is so delicious, you know that? Now I’m gonna enjoy fucking your pussy, I’m gonna see just how tight you fucking are.”

Tears fall nonstop from her eyes. Natty’s sobbing grows strong as she feels his heat pressing against hers. She so badly wants to beg him to stop, to let her rest, but her voice can’t manage to form words and she knows he wouldn’t listen anyway. 

He lines himself up with her folds and in one swift motion, he pistons his cock inside. “AHHHH!!! FUCK! PLEASE!!!” her voice only manages to come back during moments of intense pain. “Oh, Natty, your cunt. Fuuuuuuck, that’s the best pussy ever.” Her pussy is heavenly, it’s so tight that it’s almost orgasmic when he penetrates her. He just loves the way Natty squeezes around him. He also loves hearing her cry out in pain, to him it’s like a choir of angels. He relishes in the feeling of Natty’s pussy, living in his own twisted version of heaven.

As he pounds into her from below, Natty’s tits bounce freely in front of him and he doesn’t waste a second as his mouth latches onto her chest, after all, a little side dish won’t hurt while he enjoys the main meal. He bites her nipples, pulling and squeezing them with his teeth, only adding more pain to what Natty is already experiencing.

The two of them fucked endlessly in that locked room while the other three finally got some rest, though they couldn’t quite live in blissful harmony as Natty’s screaming kept them aware of their situation, the walls were thin enough to let Natty’s wails of terror flood the whole dorm. While the other three girls were able to sleep through it, in the morning they still heard Natty screaming and begging, though her voice much weaker and hoarser. 

There’s just so much to do with Natty, just pure lust and adrenaline fueling the manager all throughout the night. All the positions he could take her in, all the things he can do, all the possibilities, everything that Natty’s body can offer, he takes. He fucked her all over the room, didn’t even matter how or where, he just slams her down somewhere and fucks her in whatever hole he felt fit. He fucked her face against the wall, then fucked her ass while he pressed her face onto the floor, then fucked her pussy while missionary on the floor, then fucked her ass doggystyle on the bed, then fucked her face while her head hung off the bed, then fucked her ass in the shower. Just so much cum in and on her body in the span of a couple of hours and yet he is still going strong.

The next day comes around and there doesn’t seem to be any lapse in their action. Stretching from before the rise of the sun all the way to after it set, just endless screaming of pure pain and agony coming from Natty. The only time the manager interacted with the rest of the girls was when he asked Julie to cook up a meal for them. The door finally opened again for the first time in two days as Julie brought her cooking.

“Ah, pork belly, I’m starving. Thank you so much, Julie. I see you’ve gotten comfortable without me pestering you all the time,” he says as he sees Julie wearing some pajamas. “Oh, two plates? We won’t be needing that,” he chuckles as he returns the second set of utensils as well. Just before the door closes, Julie takes a peek over his shoulder and sees Natty practically lifeless on the floor. The manager gives Julie a quick smile, proud of his own work, then locks the door.

The manager walks over to the bed and nudges Natty with his foot before getting himself comfortable. Natty, almost void of all energy, springs to life as she smells the delicious food. Natty sits patiently, silently jealous as she stares at her manager eating all by himself. He points to his dick and Natty can only sigh as she lowers her face in front of it. 

The manager puts his hand on the back of her head and Natty opens her mouth, but instead of pushing down he says, “Let’s play a game, Natty. If you make me cum before I finish the food, you can have the rest of it.”

Natty doesn’t exactly have much knowledge on how to pleasure a dick, her only experience being the one dick that’s been forced in her body the past two days. She’s already come to terms with the fact that she might not eat for two days straight but regardless she tries her best. 

Natty employs the small pieces of advice she’s heard him tell her. Even though she’s basically just moving her head along his length, judging from his moans he seems to be enjoying it so she goes faster. 

“Fuck, Natty. Fuck… I’m gonna cum…” He takes over this time, gripping the back of her head as she immediately chokes. “Don’t… swallow it, fuck.” He struggles to squeeze his words out of his mouth as another orgasm makes its way into Natty’s mouth, only this time around it pools on her tongue. She already hates cum to begin with, cringing inside whenever she would taste it but with a whole load lingering in her mouth, revolting is an understatement. She struggles to hold it all in, not just because of the taste but also because of how much he gave her, her cheeks are full and just a little more it would probably overflow. 

He holds the plate of what’s about a quarter of the total meat still left on it. “Spit,” he commands and without hesitation she opens her mouth and deposits the batch onto the plate. “Go on, everything, spit into it.” She does as ordered, mixing the remnants with saliva and spitting onto the food. He spits onto the plate as well and mixes the meat with the “sauce” then puts it on the other side of the bed from her. “Go eat.”

Natty tries to get up and walk to the other side but the manager has other plans. He grabs her hair again and pulls her across the bed, forcing her to kneel down. “Come on, eat up.” He moves over behind her and lines up with her pussy. “Don’t waste anything, when you’re done I want that plate clean.” Natty stares at the disgusting abomination in front of her and she feels even more disgusted and degraded knowing that even when it comes to food she’s being treated like a dog. Her stomach gurgles, no matter how disgusting the food may be, she still has to eat. Natty tries to look at the brighter side of things, at the very least she’s eating actual food and not some slop that looks inedible. 

On the third day of her imprisonment, Natty is completely exhausted and broken. She just lies on her back, barely even reacting to anything her manager does anymore, there’s cum on almost every inch of her body and yet she doesn’t bother to clean it. 

Julie knocks to bring them breakfast, the manager gets the door but instead of just taking the food he tells Julie to give it to Natty. “She’s not fun anymore so I’ll be going back to you guys. And besides, the company is looking for her, can’t have her here forever.” As soon as the manager leaves, Julie rushes over to Natty and tends to her. 

The manager, clearly unsatisfied with Natty’s unresponsiveness and clearly needing a release, turns to Belle for release.

“AHHH!!! Wait, no, please… I’m sorry.” He barges into her room and she immediately shrieks upon seeing him. In the short span of two days, she’s gotten used to not being around him but here he is to remind her of her place. “I promise I won’t do it again, I—” She tries to get away but she’s stuck in the corner and all she can do is sink herself further into it. He doesn’t stop or even think for a second about what he’s doing, he just walks up and punches her face, adding another bruise to the multiple he’s given her. 

“Haneul? Get in here!” he shouts at the top of his lungs. While waiting, he pulls Belle’s face to the edge of the bed and starts facefucking her, all the while alternating between slapping her tits and punching her pussy. 

“Haneul?!” he calls again after a few minutes. After cumming down Belle’s throat and Haneul still hasn’t arrived, he marches over to her room. Not really to his surprise, he finds Haneul sleeping soundly in her bed. For one second he smiles, admiring her beauty before proceeding to ruin it. 

He punches her which brings her wide awake. He tugs her hair to bring her face close to his. “Always sleeping, you lazy cunt. Maybe you need a lesson too.” Haneul screams and thrashes as she’s dragged across the floor by her hair towards Belle’s room.

The next few days and weeks go by with the members somewhat getting used to and coping with the treatment that they are going through. Lots of practicing and “training” happens at the company, mostly the latter, then their manager has fun with them at the dorm. At the very least their manager is kind, all things considered, just as long as they follow his orders, so they still get to somewhat relax at the dorm. And whenever no one is using their bodies, the girls hang out, talk with each other, and comfort each other, growing a bond and giving each other hope to carry on until they debut.

The month ends and it’s finally time for Kiss of Life to debut. The four are no doubt incredibly excited, they finally get to wear clothes that cover most of their body, finally have some time away from the perverts, and most of all, they finally get to debut and live out their dreams of being K-pop idols, though little do they know what their company still has in store for them, even in public view.

A/N 2: So if you made it here, congratulations, you're as much of a degenerate as I am :). Anyway, while part 1 is mostly focused on Natty, part 2 would likely be four "mini-fics" in one, each focusing on one member. Subject to change but most likely it would be like that

[agentmmayy]

november & december rotation

combining these last two months of 2022 into one rotation post since i did not listen to that much new music but what i did, i found some really good songs to end the year with so here’s a post to start the new year off 

golden child - paravi: whole bop!!!!!!!!! paravi’s voice is gorgeous. delivers the struggle of growing up “the golden child” so poignantly and without remorse. it’s absolutely delicious and cathartic 

remember why you fell in love - natalie madigan: not to blorbo this but i will. chenford. ‘we were adding up sins in the city of angels’ ‘if i said i’m gonna die i’m gonna do it my way’ this song is their entire arc no i don’t take criticism

don’t say - gabrielle aplin: the kind of song to listen to when dancing in the rain or driving through the city looking up at the tall buildings and realizing how so very small and insignificant you are. emo song. 

craigslist personals - WRENN: usually averse to titles like this but this song pleasantly surprised me. the chorus has been stuck in my head and rattling around in it for the past 2 months especially with the line ‘if you pretend i’m not around can you pretend to hear me out’ also the vocals are insane 

don’t go - kate stephenson: ‘you think you could leave me when i need you most i guess i’m dancing with your ghost’  it’s about the continuous cycle of being let down and being ready for them to leave and to get out of the relationship or situation but not wanting to leave the security of it and then the song shifts with same line but instead ‘i guess i’m laughing at your ghost’ the growth!!!!! the journey!!!! the realization that you don’t need them!!! 

nostalgic for the moment - kathryn gallagher: this song has a soft core early-mid 2000s rock aesthetic. favorite part in particular is ‘i like it when you touch me i like it when you call i picture how your clothes look on my living room floor’ something about the cadence and the vocals and just how vivid and honest it is. but also how sexy it is. ‘i pretend my hands are yours whenever i’m bored’ hello??????? 

rivers of my love - natalie madigan: tbh i wasn’t as impressed with this song as the previous one but as soon as i heard ‘i got restless in the bed that we made’ it put me thru the mf roof!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!! enraptured ever since. the song is a relentless cry of admission and it hurts so good 

moonlight - madison rose: perhaps my favorite song on this entire rotation. the sing-a-long capability is unparalleled and yes i have sung along to it and danced in my chair and around my room. the perfect song to round out the previous ones 

GHOSTS - PI3RCE: i think this is ranking right up there with ‘memory lane’ on the gut-punching scale because every lyric came for my ass. which. ‘all i know is you’re the only solid thing i’ll ever know’ + ‘all my older loves have crumbled in my memories just like stone now they’re just ghosts’ how am i supposed to live laugh love in this situation!!!!!!! i’m not sure if it’s the slow almost syrupy music or the gentle hushed vocals but the yearning and the grief and the love is so palpable i tear up every time listening. the part about this song that blew my mind the most is that the singer is also a ghost. that’s why the song feels so ephemeral. and i will blorbo this. derek hale. and i’m a sucker for a cello.

putting this here at the end because the transition from don’t go to nostalgic for the moment was too perfect but this is such a contradiction regarding the use of ghosts compared to don’t go. a ghost being someone you’re glad to let go of where it’s bittersweet vs a ghost you can’t let go of and follow them onto the same plane of existence and even then you’re still looking for them is so insane to me. don’t go has the journey and the growth past that state of being meanwhile GHOSTS is stuck just like, well, a ghost

i won’t need to dream - jude york: everything about this song is dreamy (obviously) it reminds me a lot of similar songs, at least lyrically and in the first few lines, from disney films. it’s so hopeful and not exactly an adult version of those songs but one that makes our dreams seem more reachable. also i think my soul ascended hearing 1:04-1:16 for the first time 

[katsukikitten]

WARNING 18+ BIRB NOT BIRB SMUT! Band AU, harem collab. In which reader meets her favorite faceless singer. Little over 3k

Sweat trickles down your spine as your favorite song is blasted from the large speakers. Fog from the stage lingers just above your head as you feel as if you were in a dream. The setting is surreal especially since you actually managed to WIN those rare radio tickets to see a band in concert. And not just any band, your favorite fucking bad.  

TOKYO MOB

The band consisted of four people, Bakugou Katsuki, the drummer who was angrier than any person you'd ever seen wearing nothing but skinny black jeans and a perpetual frown. Jiro, so cool and sleek in anything she wore as she tore up her guitar as side vocals. Then there was Denki, funny, cute even, on the bass with his electric blonde hair and killer smile. Lastly there was "Dark Shadow", the lead vocalist. 

No one knew his real name or what he looked like, he chose to wear a headpiece in the shape of a raven or crow. You loved him, even without knowing his face. 

He was so fit, strong arms and deadly abs that could be seen from beneath his cut off band tee crop top, much like you were wearing now. His voice was soothing as a bird's song, whether he was screaming or singing. The sound so uniquely beautiful it brought tears to your eyes the first time you heard it. And standing here with nothing but a small barricade and stage separating the two of you was a dream made in heaven. 

He sings your favorite song, looking out into the crowd, body drenched in sweat from the high energy show as he jumps to the beat. He pauses to hit a long note and while the guitar riffs he looks into the VIP section. You swear you feel as if he is looking dead at you. The next few lyrics are packed full with emotion as he gets onto his knee, one hand holding the microphone while the other gently floats towards outstretched hands. 

"I've been looking for youuuu, I just need to find youuuuu and when I do, when I do I'll dress you in my band teee and make youuuu~"

But it's yours that his fingers brush, intertwining his fingers with yours as tears prick your eyes. 

"Mine. Forever miiinee~" 

The world stops, his silky voice smoothing over your skin before it erupts in goose flesh, he holds on to your hand as he sings the chorus again. The screaming people around you fade away as you hear nothing but his sultry voice. 

As if he were serenading you in the kitchen of your home. 

"I've been looking for youuuu, I just need to find youuuuu and when I do, when I do I'll dress you in my band teee and make youuuu~"

"Mine. Forever miiinee~"

He squeezes your hand as he finishes the note, releasing your hand slowly before starting to stand. The music begins to fade as he huffs, trying to catch his breath before looking over the band. He sees that ever might need just a second more to take in some water so he brings the mic close to his face as he shouts. 

"Are we having a good time tonight?!" 

The crowd erupts into a scream, so loud you can barely hear the one tearing up your throat. 

"I can't fucking hear you, extras!" Bakugou shouts into his own mic. The sold out stadium shakes rivaling the bass of the sound system as they all play off random notes and beats. When the deafening roar becomes a hushed, dull roar Bakugou sets the beat, Jiro and Denki join in as their most popular song begins to bump through the speakers. The song sets a heavy, hype beat that can get anyone to bang their head to. You start along with them, booze lighting up your system and causing you to ignore the charged air around you  

Some of the bystanders, some of the women especially were jealous of the fact that you were holding hands with none other than the DARK SHADOW. 

"Stupid bitch." They murmur amongst themselves, "Let's really fuck her up." 

One says before shoving her unsuspecting and overly excitable boyfriend into another guy while shouting. 

"MOSH PIT!" The crowd follows suit, putting you in the thick of it. Normally you could handle a little mosh, staying on the fringes to avoid too much damage but being in the center was beginning to spell trouble. The world spun as body after body began to slam into you, turning you this way and that before someone begins to take advantage of the situation. A sleazy guy you had hoped to avoid "falls" into you, rough palms grabbing a handful of your ass, beneath your skirt. A yelp lost to the crowd leaves your lips, tears burning in your eyes as this man set out to ruin what was possibly the highlight of your life. 

He was going to ruin it with his disgusting cigarette breath, lips sloppily kissing at your throat as he moved the two of you closer to the barricade. His fingers dig into your ass, spreading your cheeks as he shouts into your ear. 

"These fishnets for me slut?" He slurs, chuckling as he presses your back into the cool biting metal, "Love the crop top baby, do you got a bra on underneath?" 

A sob threatens to rack through your body as your elated high quickly turns into stomach churning nausea. Desperately you look up to the stage, anything to distract you from the fingers that try to venture between your thighs, while the other rips at your favorite top.

Tokoyami jumps, stopping to adjust his feet for steady ground to do the screaming part of the song, he glances down into the crowd, silently looking for you. The woman who made his heart flutter for the first time in years and when he sees your face tilted up towards him with fear and pain twisting your features he loses his cool. 

"Fucking stop!" He shouts, the lyrics gone for now as the music abruptly stops, the man holding you startles as the light follows Dark Shadow's accusing finger. He is illuminated by the stage light as bystanders rip him from you, he punches one guy and makes a run for it. 

 "Aye yo security. Get this asshole!" Dark Shadow shouts, leaning down for your now outstretched arms. Pulling you on stage with ease as his fingers flutter over your shoulders and sides for injuries.

"You okay my sparrow?" He coos softly and you nod, and he guides you towards the back of the stage, leaving the two front members to appease the excited crowd. He presses a cold water bottle to your hand before pulling up a chair a few feet from the drum kit. 

"Stay by Bakugou okay? He'll take care of you." He wipes some sweat from your face before squeezing the nape of your neck. Bakugou glares your way with mixed emotions before doing his show starting beat to get the crowd jumping. 

"Anyone else wanna act like a fucking douche?" Denki asks, walking up and down the front of the stage waiting for Tokoyami to return to the forefront. 

"NOOOOO!" The crowd shouts, Denki offers a cheeky smile before adding. 

"That's my good fans!" He blows a kiss to the crowd and the screams fly up an octave. 

"Alright let's start this shit from the top!" Jiro shouts, letting out some hypnotic notes before looking towards Tokoyami. 

"Actually, let's give them a sample of the new album. Let's give them a tease. Do you wanna be teased?" He asks the crowd aiming the mic towards them as if he needed to. 

"SHOW US! TEASE US!" The crowd chants before Tokoyami looks towards his band members. 

"I dunno do they deserve it?" Bakugou prodes and the audience lets out a dejected whine. 

"Promise to behave?" Jiro teases and the crowd collectively screams out desperately "YES!"

"Well keep your hands to yourself and listen up cause you're only gonna hear it this once til it drops!" Tokoyami shouts before Jiro starts playing that hypnotic sound, shortly after Denki joins in. Bakugou twisting his drumstick as he waits for his cue impatiently. Dark Shadow takes in a deep breath before singing the haunting first lines of their new song. 

"What do you do, when it's stalking after yoouuu? What do you say when it's just a breath awaaay~? Coming closer and you can't seem to get awaaaaay?" 

"Always watching, always loooomming-" 

Bakugou slams his sticks down hard onto the kit, foot tapping the bass drum at an alarming speed as everything seems to be hitting a climax. 

"WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN ITS COMING FROM INSIDE OF YOU? WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN IT SHARES YOUR NAAAAME? 

WHEN YOU CAN'T HIDE THE DEMON THAT'S LURKING INSIDE!" 

The last line he screams and the crowd is overcome with emotion. The height of the music and the new song that the band pours their hearts into, sends the crowd into a frenzy. Sweat dripping from everyone as their black shirts dampen around their collars. 

The song the crowd wanted to last forever comes to an end and you find yourself standing to scream, tears in your eyes.

"That was amazing!" Curling your fingers into a fist, Dark Shadow turns back to see you, out of the millions of people there tonight, in that moment he could only hear you.  

"Well I think we gave them a good show huh?" Denki asks into the mic, Bakugou drums a heavy beat as he shouts. 

"FUCK YEA WE DID!" 

"HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!!" The band members shout in unison before waving and slowly backing off stage. Tokoyami rushes towards you, hand slipping around your natural waist as he guides you into the darkened stage towards his dressing room. Your heart is racing in your ears as the silence becomes deafening. Being this close to Dark Shadow you couldn't help but notice the little cushion that keeps his helmet from damaging his throat and the intoxicating smell that rolls off of him like a cool breeze. He smells like cedar and pine at twilight while the wind brings with it the threat of snow. 

You shiver despite the warmth of his touch. Swallowing the lump in your throat you force your tongue to cooperate as he steps in front of his door politely opening it for you. His small silver chains clink from the motion.

"You must be tired, are you sure you want...company?" If you could see his face you imagined he'd be smiling. Pressing his hand at the small of your back to urge you inside. 

"I'm sure." He walks in, waiting for you to follow before he slumps onto a worn leather arm chair. Your platform converse move on their own as you cross the threshold of the room, closing the door behind you. 

"Lock it, would you sparrow?" All you can do is nod as you turn the lock until you hear a soft click. He gestures for you to sit on the couch beside him before his broad hands go towards his helmet. 

The blood rushes from your face as a moment of honor and horror wage war in your gut, pulling your heart down towards your feet. 

"Wait!" You shout, startling both of you and you feel heat rise into your cheeks and throat, "I don't want you to feel obligated to take it off. We can just...talk." 

Nervously you fidget with the hem of your skirt, thinking he was going to kick you out for being so lame. 

Boring. 

He stands and you flinch before he sits beside you on the love seat. If you could see his eyes you wondered if they were sparkling. His winter woods smell tickles your nose and you smile. 

"I'd love to just talk. But first." He must notice your ripped shirt as he stands again. Rummaging through his suitcase to find the first edition band tee ever made for TOKYO MOB.

"I couldn't!" You half shout and then squeak, "I shouldn't" 

"I insist." He says softly placing it on your lap before giving you his toned back. The cropped tee he wears shows off the dimples in his lower back that has you thinking of what it would look like while those hips piston into you. Quickly you toss your ripped shirt aside and slip his over your head, relishing the present smell, heart stirring.

"It's safe." You say softly and he turns around taking the seat beside you again. 

After a small awkward silence the two of you begin to talk, the conversation coming easy as you gushed over his voice and where you went to college when he asked. Him wanting to know more about your life and the night ended up being about you instead of him for once and it was nice. 

Nice to not have someone prying or clawing at his neck to find out just who he was and what he looked like, suddenly heat rushes to his pants. His hand comes to rest on your knee just below the hem of your skirt, ringed fingers sliding beneath the black fabric. You swallow, looking into the face of the bird mask and softly speak. 

"How- how would we kiss?" It feels stupid, embarrassing that you would even think that. He kills the light by the love seat flooding the room in total darkness before he takes off his helmet with a clatter. 

"Like this." His lips are by your ear now sending ecstacy through your body in the form of a spine tingling shudder. He kisses at your lobe working his way down your throat and then up to your jaw, avoiding your lips as he tastes every inch of you he can. His damp hair tickles your nose as he moves you to him, hovering over you as he kisses the plane of your stomach beneath his lifted shirt. 

"You look damn good in my shirt baby." He trails his tongue up your sternum causing you to moan, he smirks against the bone before sucking at the supple skin of your breast. Choosing them for his canvas to paint in blacks and blues that you would soon come to wish would last a life time. His free hand twists your nipple, pulling it as he scrapes his teeth against your other. Tongue flicking against the sensitive nub another moan escapes your lips as he plays with you for what feels like hours. He doesn't even go to touch your aching cunt until you're covered in a sheen of sweat. Begging for his hands to move lower as your vision spots in the dark from his sensual touch alone. Your own hands explore up his defined abs and torso occasionally catching the cool metal of his chains, this time you decide to pull him into a kiss. Your lips touching his for the first time all night and you feel like a live wire. Hungrily and aggressively trying to devour him as you feel music dancing through your blood, humming in your bones, he groans amplifying the feeling as his clothed hard on presses into your core. His tongue swipes over yours and the thought of not even knowing what he looks like arches your back into his touch. 

Finally he flips your skirt up, his fingers venturing between your thighs and when he finds no fabric and the satisfying sound of your slick he bucks his hips, biting at your breasts. 

"So wet sparrow…." His voice is soft breath and a little desperate causing your cunt to clench. He circles your clit until you're crying, his fingers occasionally checking for a stream of tears. When he feels the droplets on your face he chuckles shoving his fingers knuckle deep going agonizingly slow until you're fluttering around his thick curled digits. You cum hard and he whispers praises in your ear, several times as your body shakes and you think you won't be able to make it through the night. 

"Ready for my cock babe?" He asks gently swiping his thumb over your swollen and heavily abused clit. You perk right up, ready for the finale silently thanking the gods for a band members stamina. You notice him shaking as he leans down for a kiss, his stomach sweaty and sticking to yours. You fist his hair, pulling him back just a bit. 

"You'll be okay?" You can just make out the gleam of his teeth from his smirk before his voice comes out as pure sinful husk. 

"The question is, will you sweet sparrow?" 

Too stunned to answer he swallows your silence with a kiss before he sheaths himself inside you. Relishing the moan in his mouth and the fluttering of your velvet walls as they adjust to him. You were so wet, so ready for him as he slowly rocked his hips. Your half wish from earlier coming true as your hands fly to the dimples of his lower back, trying to urge him to quicken his pace but he keeps it languid, deadly. Each stroke hitting with purpose. The head of his cock hitting that cushy spot as his pelvis snapped against your clit. The sensation sends you into a never ending moan. Each gasp his stage name as he marks you as his, nails raking down your arms as he praises. 

"Such a nice pussy you have. Taking me so fucking well." He lingers by your ear, his tone the opposite of his lustful words. Your own nails claw down his back in viscous lines as he keeps you on the edge. The coil, steady and tight as you feel the pressure in your stomach growing. He can feel how tightly you're squeezing him and how your thighs are locked around his waist. He press his fingers into your stomach as his thumb swipes over your clit, his hips snapping faster and faster as he waits for what he hopes is coming. The pressure becomes too much he overstimulates your body, shaking as you cry out. 

"I can't, I can't…" 

"You can, just for me. Don't be shy, cum for me baby." His deep voice sends a chill through your body, you go rigid, quiet before your body jerks and releases a clear liquid onto his pelvis and cock. Shaking as he fucks your through it before his voice comes out strained as you milk him. 

"Imma cum baby, where do you want it?" 

"In me, I promise I have an IUD just fucking cum Dark Shadow!" You gasp and he obeys, adding to your pleasant after shocks, filling you to the brim with his hot seed with a husky grunt. He collapses onto you fixing your shirt before he gently withdraws, keeping his face to your chest as your fingers find his hair. You try not to let your thoughts wander and as if he could read your mind. 

"I promise you, you're the only one who's made me do that." He kisses your throat gently before his hand searches for your free one, interlacing his fingers with yours before he hums. Slowly singing you to sleep. You welcome the feeling as exhaustion blankets you in darkness.

"Uh miss." The voice comes as a shock as a large man tries to wake you from a distance. You startle, grabbing at blankets to cover yourself although you're fully clothed.  

"Hate to wake you miss but we're locking up. The venue is closed and the band is…" Although he looks a brute he clearly has some sort of heart. Unable to say what you know.  

"Gone." Tears burn your eyes as you think of how stupid you were. To ever think you were special enough to be anything more than a groupie. A note sits on the bedside table. 

"Should we cross paths again, Sparrow. I'll make you forever mine" 

The note blurs as you recognize the lyrics to the song. You look down at his band tee and wonder if your favorite song was more of a gimmick to pick up fans than some fated promise. 

And so life moves on.

You can only tell that time has passed from the fading color of your bruises. Slowly they melt from a cold bluish black into cool greens and warm dotted yellows. You sigh, looking in the mirror before you head towards your room for clothes.  Finally mustering up the courage to wear that stupid band tee he gave you again. It still smells faintly of him, of the winter woods suspended in forever twilight. Of musk from your sweat and his. You fight back the tears as you remind yourself you just put on mascara, finally choosing to participate in a social life after having your heart broken for being a fool. You decided to get ready sooner rather than later, otherwise you would have backed out from the plans and mopped around the house. You figured some coffee would help kill the time as you lace up your converse thinking of your favorite shop. You head out and walk leisurely to the cafe off the beaten path of downtown.  The street is full but not overly so as people browse the shopping district of the huge city you call home. Everyone fades into the background until your eye catches against a handsome man, dressed in tastefully torn black jeans, and an onyx turtleneck. You would be concerned for his attire in this weather if he wasn't so damn handsome. You must catch his eye as well as his face instantly lights up when he makes eye contact. He beats you to the cafe door, holding it open for you with ringed fingers like a gentleman waiting for you to enter. The gesture feels familiar causing your heart to squeeze in your chest, feeling trapped beneath your too small rib cage. As you walk past him you think you smell something familiar. 

Like cedar and pine, dancing on a snowy wind as the sun sets the world on fire. 

Your world on fire as you grip at the front of Dark Shadow's shirt trying not to cry. You just wanted your fucking macchiato and to move on with your life. You had lived every fan's dream of sleeping with your favorite band member. Tasting Dark Shadow's blackberry mouth. Shouldn't that be enough? 

Your aching heart said otherwise. 

Suddenly warmth is behind you, radiating off of a thick body as the handsome man bends over to put his profile to your ear. Goose flesh prickles your skin in late August as he says with a voice that drapes you in sinful black silk.

"You look damn good in my shirt, sparrow." 

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift Part 4 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Chapter summary: Cute work things (sorry im very hungover and i can't remember what i actually wrote)

Warnings: maybe a bit of second-hand embarrassment, masturbation

W/C: 1.5K

Part 1 Part 5

Monday night, Frankie arrived before you. The day cook, a grizzled old woman named Annette, gave him a toothy grin.

“Evenin’ hotshot,” she said. “You here to make all my dreams come true?”

“Only for a night, darlin’,” Frankie said.

“All you men are the same,” Annette laughed and handed Frankie the spatula. She gave him a to-do list, which was significantly shorter than the one on Friday night had been, bid him goodnight and hightailed it out of there, saying something about dinner with her husband.

Frankie watched the window out of the corner of his eye, waiting for you to arrive. There weren’t many orders up, so he could manage the task of cooking and having his head whip up every time he heard the tinkle of the chimes above the door.

It was almost forty-five minutes after he arrived before you came in, red faced and breathing heavily.

“I’m-I’m so sorry, Riss,” you panted. Marissa shrugged and patted you on the cheek.

“Don’t worry about it, sweet, I had some good company,” she winked at Frankie. “Have a good night, guys, don’t get into too much trouble!”

Frankie watched as you leant over the counter and caught your breath. “Do you want some water?”

You nodded wordlessly, straightening up. Frankie handed you a glass, a shock of electricity surging through him as your fingers briefly touched.

Fuck. He had it bad.

“I had to run here,” you said when you had your breath back. Frankie nodded, waiting for you to continue. “I found a kitten behind a dumpster, all wet and shivering and crying, so I had to take her to the vet.”

“What kind of kitten?” Frankie asked, having a soft spot for cats. He had had one, until he and Portia broke up and she took the cat with her. He didn’t hold it against her: Anthony the Great was technically hers.

“A black one. I’m not good with breeds,” you said.

The conversation was broken up by a pair of old men calling out your name. Your genuine smile was back as you greeted them. Frankie adjusted his cap and smiled to himself.

Occasionally he would glance up at you while he worked, catching the occasional glimpse of your side profile or the back of your head. You seemed a little lighter today, like you weren’t carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It was nearing 1 in the morning before he decided to attempt a conversation with you.

“So, how was your weekend?” He kept his tone light, nonchalant. You shrugged, pouring him a cup of coffee.

“It was okay, nothing special.” You stirred in the sugar as you spoke, avoiding his gaze. “My boyfriend has his stupid friends over so I spent most of my Sunday cleaning up after them.” Frankie deflated just a bit. Of course you had a boyfriend. Of course. Someone as beautiful as you . . . he’d be more surprised if you were single.

“But uh, I saw Manny on Sunday,” you continued, oblivious to Frankie’s disappointment. “You remember Manny, right? He was the night cook before you, you met him I think.”

“Yeah, I did. Nice guy.”

“Uh, yeah, so I saw Manny for lunch on Sunday and he suggested making a night shift lunch group.” You wiped down menus, deftly avoiding Frankie’s gaze. “And um, well, if you wanted to come this coming Sunday, that’d be cool.”

“You’re inviting me to lunch?” Frankie asked.

“Yeah,” you said, finally looking up at him. You flushed slightly. “If you’re interested, that is. You don’t have to, obviously, but Manny and I thought it would be nice. We could all get to know each other outside of this place. Make friends, you know?”

Frankie smiled, happy at least with the prospect of a friendship with you. “That sounds great. What time?”

“Midday, if you want you can give me your number later and I’ll text you the place?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Oh, and it’s just us three. So don’t invite the weekend crew, or your wife or anything.”

“I’m not married, so no problem there,” Frankie grinned at you. You nodded quickly, turning away before you could see the smile you were trying so desperately to fight off.

~*~

You didn’t know why it excited you so much that Frankie had said yes to Sunday lunch. Maybe it was because he wasn’t married, not that it made a difference.

Still, it gave you a slight thrill that Frankie had said yes.

You worked with a renewed vigor for the rest of the night. You weren’t sure any amount of rude customers or spilled drinks or broken plates that could bring you down. At one point you found yourself humming along to the radio, some song you hadn’t heard in years by an artist you couldn’t place. You knew it would bug you until you figured it out

“You like Prince?” Frankie asked, making you blush furiously at being caught with your guard down.

“I-uh-I-yeah. Yeah a bit,” you said, “actually, I haven’t listened to him in years. But I like a few of his songs.”

Frankie grinned and began to sing along in a terrible falsetto, making you snort with laughter. You danced along, allowing yourself this moment of freeing yourself of any embarrassment. After all, if Frankie was willing to put on the falsetto, it wouldn’t kill you to dance. The entire thing was ridiculous, but you were having a better time than you had had in months.

Frankie ended the song with a kick and a flourish, taking off his cap to bow dramatically.

“Have you ever thought of auditioning for one of those talent shows?” You grinned at him, wiping the sweat off your brow.

“Actually, I’ve won several of them,” Frankie winked, “I just work jobs like this when I’m not on sold out world tours.” You laughed again at his joke, almost shocked at how easy it was to laugh with someone. How freeing it was to dance like a fool and not feel embarrassed or like you were in on the joke and not the butt of it.

The rest of the shift passed quickly, the night peppered with jokes between you and Frankie. At the end of the night, instead of rushing out the door as soon as your relief was there, you waited around a few minutes.

Your phone was mercifully free of messages from Kurt, pushing your mood even higher.

Frankie met you outside by the back door, and looked shocked to see you still there. You held up your phone as a way of explanation. “I still gotta get your number.” You handed your phone to Frankie, already open to the new contact screen. Frankie punched it in quickly and handed it back to you.

“What’s with the emojis?” you asked, squinting at them.

“It’s my nickname, Catfish. My buddies and I all had callsigns in the military and that was mine. Except for Benny. He was just Benny.”

“Catfish,” you repeated. “Well, I’ll see you tonight, Catfish.”

“Yeah, see you tonight.”

~*~

You couldn’t sleep. You were too busy thinking. About him. Frankie. His dark, warm eyes that when you looked into them you felt like you could melt. The way his soft looking curls stuck out under his ever present cap. His smile that felt like safety. His hooked nose that led to lips you could only imagine kissing. His hands. You felt yourself warm as you imagined what you wanted his hands to do to you. You let yourself imagine what the rest of his body might look like.

Before you could overthink it and stop yourself, your fingers slipped between your folds and began to rub. You were wetter than you could remember yourself being. You moaned softly as you thought about him doing things to you that you didn’t even realise you wanted. Within minutes you were to your climax, legs stiffening and back arching. Sweat dotted your brow and your heart slammed into your ribcage. You hadn’t orgasmed in almost a year, always too exhausted to masturbate, and it wasn’t like Kurt gave a shit about you finishing when he fucked you.

The thought of Kurt immediately turned you sour. The burning feeling of betrayal knotted itself in your stomach. Kurt didn’t even let you have a vibrator. He had huffed and become scornful when you tentatively brought up the subject a few years back. He didn’t want anyone or anything but him to make you cum. It was a man's job to keep his woman satisfied, even if he struggled with the whole keeping you satisfied part.. You knew Kurt would practically have an aneurysm if he knew you were touching yourself to the thought of another man. But the thought of Frankie touching you gave you a thrill you hadn’t felt in years. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel truly guilty for it. Surely that was some kind of sign.

Eventually, you fell asleep a few hours before your alarm was supposed to go off. Normally, you dreamt of being in your own private space station, as far away from the apartment as possible. That night, you dreamt of Frankie.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 let me know if you'd like to be added <3

[loliwrites]

Ok, so maybe I ate too much sugar before bed, and watched too many Alex movies back to back yesterday, but I ended up dreaming about slow dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night with him to "Fools Rush In", by Mr. Sinatra 🥺 Is that something you could see happening with Addi and Alex?

Jealous of you because I ate 12 Twix bars before bed (like a fucking animal) and did not have a dream as sweet as this. Okay, so I was not familiar with this song... or so I thought. And because I'm currently on a Ricky Nelson kick, I'm going to change it to one of his songs (he does a version of Fools Rush In. It's a bit faster than Sinatra's version).

Aimlessly dancing while you were doing other things is such a weakness of mine. It's so freakin' tender, my poor wee heart can't take it. Like can you just imagine this?

Addi stress bakes. And a lot of times it happens on a whim. Something like she's midway through credit card or petty cash reconciliation and she's getting frustrated and annoyed that people don't know by now to return all of their receipts, so none of the totals are adding up and she's getting ready to punch someone in the throat. And you know the best way to not punch someone in the throat? Turn on some music, drown everything else out, and bake something sweet. Her go-to is a coffee cake because the base is a yellow box cake that she zhuzhes up with some extra ingredients. It's easy, it takes an hour, and that's the perfect amount of time to decompress before getting back into the throes of wrapping a job.

I hc that Alex has a pretty hearty and impressive vinyl collection. That screams his aura, doesn't it. But it's something he takes so seriously so to boot, he's got a rather expensive record player for them. Something delicate that'll be gentle on the first edition records he has of Frank Sinatra, or Smokey Robinson, or Ella Fitzgerald. Because of that I also hc that Addi doesn't go anywhere near said record player and vinyl collection. If a record is going to be put on, it's going to be done by Alex. Addi will stick to her phone and the bluetooth speaker.

So she refrains from smashing her phone against the wall and catapulting her laptop off the balcony, and aggressively taps on her phone screen until she can pull up whatever playlist her fingers happen to hit first. The beauty that is fate and chance has her clicking a playlist for love songs from the 50s and 60s. Only she doesn't know it's fate yet. And so the baking begins...

Now Alex gets home from work not obscenely late like he does a lot of the time on shoot days. It's actually a small blessing. She may not realize what today is but he sure as shit does (because I also hc that Alex has a knack for remembering dates like birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, etc.). It's the anniversary of her film premiering, and possibly even more exhilarating to him, the anniversary of the night they consummated their relationship. He definitely remembers that. So he comes home toting along a bouquet of her favorite flowers: dogwood (which also happens to be insanely difficult to find in the middle of Manhattan). And he catches his little slugger aggressively stirring what's to become the glaze for the coffee cake that, by the smell of it, is close to being ready to come out of the oven. She's stirring with such ferocity that the glass bowl keeps clinking against the countertop, and between that and Ricky Nelson singing about a teenager's romance, she doesn't even hear that he's come in.

He can tell what's up right away. She thinks she's good at hiding her stress when things start to spiral, and when she's at work, she is. But around him, she lets things go a little more. She's a little more free with letting her emotions run wild. He sets his things down and walks a little closer to her in the kitchen, bouquet still in hand. Just as he's trying to think of a way to make his presence known without startling her, she semi-turns to throw a spoon into the sink. Seeing this massive human behind her, she screams and jumps, simultaneously pressing her hand over her heart.

"Goddammit Skarsgård, don't be--" the rest of the words die in her throat. Her eyes drift down to the flowers, registering what they are and she immediately decides that whatever fight she has in her can be placed elsewhere. "What's this?"

Alex smiles and hands the bouquet forward, more than pleased when she takes it from his hands and buries her nose in the delicate white flowers. He can also tell that she's trying to wrack her brain for a reason as to why she'd be receiving flowers tonight. And not just any flowers... sometimes Alex will come home with "just because" flowers, but in that case, they're never Dogwood flowers. That would be too much of a hassle. So she's trying to figure out which important date she's forgotten and didn't get him anything for. Tonight, he'll let her off the hook easy.

"It's the anniversary of your film premiering,"

She lifts her eyes, which have now widened and softened, "Alexander." She opens her arms and wraps them around him, squeezing him tightly.

He grins and kisses the top of her head. "Surprised?"

"Thank you, I love you," she whispers into his chest.

In the background, the song drifts out to nothingness and the next one starts up. Something even slower and gentler than the one that preceded it. Even the girl in the kitchen is gentler than before.

I could never be loved by anyone sweeter than you...

Addi pivots and sets the bouquet down on the counter. She knows this routine -- how tender he is, and particularly on the nights when they're celebrating something sentimental. When she turns back to him, he's already repositioning to take her hands and place them where they need to be conducive for dancing.

With you to stand beside me, I'll never be alone...

He curls one arm around her waist and holds her close to his body and uses the other to hold her hand out to the side. She giggles and rests her cheek on his chest, giving him the power to move and spin her as he pleases. He does so effortlessly and for a moment, Addi can't even remember what she was stressing out over. The man turns all her bad days into good ones. His touch, his scent, the feel of his heartbeat against her... it's all too good. It's moments like these when she realizes she's living the good life.

"My only desire is loving you eternally," he sings along softly, smiling wider when the sound of his voice encourages her to look up at him. He presses his fingertips against her lower back, urging her closer, "For no, no other love could ever mean so much to me."

But she's already as close as she can be without physically being on top of him. And that's when she realizes that might be exactly what he wants. She smiles and looks down, and using him for balance, she carefully steps up onto his feet. He tightens his hold around her, keeping her secure as he dances around; first swaying side to side and then slowly turning in a rhythmic circle. She has to believe that she's hurting his feet but when she tilts her head back to look up at him, his eyes are closed. Peaceful. She can hear him humming along with the song. She can feel the rumbling in his chest, too.

What more could I long for than to live my life with you...

[jeongjaebae]

No mistletoe required

⇢ Jaehyun x reader  ⇢ 9.3k | AO3 ⇢ a cute and funny holiday college AU (lowkey enemies to lovers)

To your utter surprise and dismay, there's your neighbour. The one directly across from you who keeps turning the decorating into a competition, who happens to be setting up the next batch of lights on their door at this very moment. And that kind of ruins the previously good mood you were in, so you open the door to give them a piece of your mind. 

Why are you still here? Why are you still putting up decorations? Why are you turning this into a competition that I never asked to join— 

"Why are you shirtless." 

Or: There were three things you did not expect to encounter this holiday season. The first was to have someone else staying on campus over the winter break with you. The second, to have this person as your neighbour who tries to one-up you in Christmas decorations. The third, that this said neighbour would be hot.

Not going home for the holidays really wasn't the worst thing in the world. In fact, part of you was looking forward to doing whatever the heck you wanted without your roommates in the dorm, and not having any extended family members around to lie about having a good GPA or significant other to. Not that your GPA wasn't good, but the significant other category might need some work. Either way, you were excited to be able to finally bake Christmas cookies, decorate the entire apartment, and marathon your list of Christmas movies all while wearing your comfiest (ugliest) clothes and being sufficiently inebriated. There would be no one around to judge you while you screamed the lyrics to All I want for Christmas is You while dancing around in your pajamas. There would be no one around you for miles as even the RAs go home for the holidays.

It was like a dream come true.

"Today's going to be the day the rest of the door decorations go up," you announce to no one in particular. That's definitely another benefit of being all alone in this residence building—you could talk to yourself without sounding crazy. "They are long overdue so let's get this party started!"

There really weren't too many decorations left in your possession. You'd brought only a few things from home when you first moved in, like the cute ornament that looked exactly like your dog back home, a bow (for your hair but holiday decor takes priority right now), and a string of fairy lights that was originally for decorating your room but will now be taped onto the front door because you refuse to lose this unspoken decorations contest to the neighbour directly across from you.

This contest had begun a couple of weeks ago when you and your roommates had first put up a wreath on the door. It was already December at that point, so it wasn't exactly too early to start with the decorations, but with finals coming up none of the other students had decorated their doors. You'd thought the wreath that your roommate Rose brought was such a nice touch to remind everyone that the holidays were coming soon and that you'd all pull through with finals. Just a sign of hope and love and all the warm and coziness that you loved about Christmastime.

So when you opened the door later that afternoon and saw an identical wreath on your neighbour's door, you were stunned. You almost thought they stole it at first, but then seeing how yours was still there, that made you question some things. Maybe it was just a coincidence that they happened to have the same wreath, and they only put it up when they were reminded by seeing your wreath.

That was the first time, anyway.

A few days later, your roommates had brought out some pretty Christmas lights to wrap around the wreath. Again, it was just to lift the spirits of everyone during the dreadful time that is finals season. So you guys wrapped the lights carefully around the wreath, making sure that no one would trip on extension cords or anything like that. It ended up looking really nice and you were kind of proud of your festive door.

Until you saw your neighbour's door that also had an added string of Christmas lights.

Even worse, theirs did not simply wrap around the wreath like yours did but framed the entire door instead. It was as if they drew around the door frame with a highlighter because now all the attention would go straight to their door and leave yours completely drowned out.

The third time it happened was with the ornaments. You'd put your dog ornament on the wreath along with the other objects that your roommates had brought, some of which were pretty questionable (Rose's sparkly bottle cap, Jihyo's homemade felt gingerbread man, and Miyeon's earring?), but the overall vibe was still nice. It made the hallway feel more Christmassy than before and you knew that your copycat neighbour would not be able to mimic this.

But somehow they did.

You'd been trying to catch a glimpse of this lame neighbour through the peephole of your door all day, but the moment you stepped away for a much needed bathroom break, that's when their ornaments went up. You had come back from your under 30 seconds of a break and looked through the peephole and gawked at those twinkling ornaments—proper Christmas ornaments! The neighbour had hung them on the string of lights framing the door so that the lights bounced off and looked even brighter, shinier, warmer.

It also made you want to punch a wall.

That had been the week before finals. Your roommates were out of decorations at that point and you wanted to channel your anger into studying, so nothing had been done about the decorations. Unsurprisingly, your neighbours also did not add anything else to their door decor, which definitely squashed any chance of coincidence.

But now that everyone has gone home for the winter break, you were determined to put up the most extravagant decorations and have your neighbours come back to their defeat. The fairy lights in your room were ready for the world to see as you blasted a playlist of Christmas songs at decibels much higher than normally allowed. You had the tape in hand and were ready to go into battle. The door still had a ton of space below the wreath, so you started there and created a Christmas tree shape with the lights, taping them at every corner with the little battery holder acting as a base of the tree. Your bow hair accessory went at the very stop as a makeshift star, and you ripped out a sheet from your spiral lab notebook and cut off the ripped side to use as tinsel for this makeshift tree. It looked nice and cute and was definitely cooler than any traditional decorations.

"Okay, now that that's done I can finally get on with the Christmas cookies," you say to yourself.

The rest of the day was spent on baking some cute sugar cookies using Miyeon's cookie cutters of various non-holiday shapes, and some red and green food colouring which turned your icing into pink and green. So much for Christmas vibes. They were still cute though.

But just after you put the cookies in the oven, that's when you hear the creaking of a door and some shuffling sounds. You even turn down your music the slightest bit to hear what was going on because who could possibly still be here in this building? You had been certain that everyone would be going home and you hadn't heard a sound in days.

To your utter surprise and dismay, there's your neighbour. The one directly across from you who keeps turning the decorating into a competition, who is setting up the next batch of lights on their door at this very moment. You watch for a few seconds through the peephole as this mysterious competitor adjusts the lights on the door just slightly below the wreath, so all you could see was a hand.

And that kind of ruins the previously good mood you were in, so you open the door to give them a piece of your mind.

Why are you still here? Why are you still putting up decorations? Why are you turning this into a competition that I never asked to join—

"Why are you shirtless." You eye him up and down, the sight in front of you temporarily distracting you from the long speech you were planning on bombarding him with. "Um, that's so rude? You're basically giving everyone totally unsolicited naked pictures of you and your...abs, embedded into their minds forever."

That doesn't seem to startle him at all, as he simply stares back at you without missing a beat. "And," he looks at you up and down too, "your ugly Christmas sweater will be ingrained into my mind forever."

"Excuse you?" You weren't even wearing an ugly Christmas sweater though; this was just one of your regular cozy sweaters. "Well, is it hot in here or is it just you?" you spit out, the words dripping with sass.

Wait. What.

That came out totally wrong and was not at all how it sounded in your head.

He pauses for a second too but just breaks into a chuckle. "Why, thank you."

"I meant hot! In your apartment! You're the only one feeling the heat since you're clearly hot enough to be shirtless in the middle of winter!"

The corners of his lips raise the slightest bit along with an eyebrow, and that's when you knew he caught on to the last bit of what you said. "I'm hot enough to be shirtless?"

"You are not hot, okay? Like, opposite of hot. You're so freezing cold that I am going to leave before I get hypothermia" you lied through your teeth. Anyone who could say that he's not hot would be lying but that doesn't mean you'd ever admit it.

"So I'm too cool for you?"

"Bye, boy."

And with that you slam your door shut and collapse right against it.

That's the neighbour who's been secretly competing against your holiday decor? You hadn't pictured anyone in particular when you thought about the lame neighbour putting up decorations on their door, but this guy has got to be the farthest thing possible from anything in your realm of expectations. Even though you spent most of that interaction avoiding looking at him at all, you definitely saw enough. More like too much. But surely a guy who looks like every girl's quarterback frat boy crush with muscles like The Rock couldn't possibly be interested in being less than five feet away from Christmas decorations? And what was he still doing here anyways, away from all the friends and family back home?  

On top of that, now you had to continue this dumb contest for the rest of the break since you refused to let someone like that win at this.

***

The next day consisted of waking up to a drained laptop battery, your list of Christmas movies marked as complete, and no memory of having watched any of them because you'd fallen asleep near the beginning of the movie marathon. Cookies were left half eaten on the plate with crumbs everywhere and your mug had stains from the dried remnants of hot chocolate. It takes you a minute to collect yourself and for a good while, you'd forgotten about the awkward encounter with shirtless neighbour.

Until you hear him singing.

It wasn't a song that you recognized but that didn't matter because you were dazed. Firstly, that boy could sure sing. Yesterday his talking voice hadn't left any impressions on you probably because he hadn't said much and you were too busy noticing the insults that came out of that mouth, but his singing voice today is a whole different story. It's fairly deep but somehow still soft, and its timbre fits perfectly with the smooth R&B song he's singing. Of course you'd never admit it, but this was such a turn on and you did not know how to handle this information.

And secondly, it turns out the walls were not as soundproof as you thought, which meant he probably heard everything from your high notes screaming session to you talking to yourself about beating that dumbass neighbour at this stupid decorating contest. It was embarrassing, to say the least, but on the other hand, if he'd heard you through the walls then maybe he would know better than to sing and risk having you hear. Well, unless he's turning that into a competition too which may be a good possibility given how competitive he seems.

After eating an abnormally late breakfast at 3pm, you went to take out the large pile of trash that was overflowing the garbage can. It was long overdue but had just become an object in the background as everyone went through finals in the past few weeks. In short, it stank and was ruining your holiday mood.

There was something else that was ruining your holiday mood though. The first thing you see when you open the door to go take out the garbage... was your shirtless neighbour. Only he wasn't shirtless this time; he had a tee on but was still exposing those toned arms as he was, to your disbelief, still putting up some more decorations on their door. It seems like he actually did not copy your fairy lights idea yesterday because today he's taping up Christmas gift wrapping paper on the door. As if his apartment was a gift to anyone! You were sure that was a fire hazard or something but there were no RAs around to even report this to.

He freezes when you open your door and makes the most awkward eye contact with you for a few seconds too long.

"Wow, nice to see you in a shirt today," you say with heavy sarcasm dripping off those words. "Feeling kind of cold?"

"Nice to see you too." He doesn't take the bait but entirely changes the subject, a neutral but inviting expression on his face. "Hey, are your roommates here too?" And the dimples. Ugh, you could not look away from the dimples.

"What?" You pause. "Why?"

"Oh it's nothing, but I just keep hearing you talking to someone."

That's when it was your turn to freeze like a deer in headlights.

The thin walls. The singing this morning. Was it all so that he could make fun of you talking to yourself?!

"Excuse you? Just so you know, I still have more decorations that are much better than your corny wallpaper here. You aren't a gift, boy."

He simply chuckles but then gives you such a blinding smile. You hadn't paid attention to his face yesterday but with the shirt on today, it was a little easier to observe this competitive neighbour. And his smile, wow. "I'll be looking forward to seeing those."

Then you close the door and completely forgot about taking out the trash. Not the way this happens each time because of how much he infuriates you! But now it was too late to go out there because you'd be forced to run into him again, so you decided to wait until after he was done his door.

***

The video call comes at a good time as you'd finished a couple of Christmas movies and your fancy homecooked dinner of mac and cheese. It's not unexpected as your best friend and roommate, Rose, probably has some updates for you after her wild family gatherings.

"Hey, girl! How's it going?" You pick up on the first ring. You were surprisingly glad for the human interaction after being alone for nearly a week, but you suspect that her main motive for calling was to sneak away from her family holiday party.

"Wow, look at you all dressed up in festive pajamas!" She squeals. "They're so cute!"

"Thanks girl! Gotta be festive around here." Maybe you'd be embarrassed if it were anyone else on that video call, especially if they were all dressed up like Rose today, but she's been your best friend since middle school and you've all seen each other in plenty of embarrassing outfits on the daily. "How's your holiday going?"

"It's been good but pretty tiring. You would not believe the amount of drama my cousin has been trying to start." Rose breaks out into a chuckle. "But how have you been surviving there all alone without us?"

"Christmas movie marathons and cookies all day! It's been so nice to finally get a break from school and people, you know? Oh, except there's this annoying neighbour still here who keeps trying to compete with me for best decorated door or something." You roll your eyes. "Can you believe it? Who would do such a thing?"

"Oh, he's still doing that?"

"Yeah, unfortunately? I keep running into him too, like every time I step out—wait. You know him?"

She stares at you for just a second too long before responding. "W-what do you mean?"

"You asked if he's still here, but I hadn't even mentioned this neighbour's gender or anything yet."

"Oh nah," she brushes it off, "I didn't mean anyone specific but... Y/N?"

"Yes?"

Her voice drops down to a whisper as she leans in towards the camera. "Are you talking about Jaehyun?"

"Jaehyun?"

"You know, the one who looks like he should be walking the runway even in sweats and a tee."

You don't say anything but shoot her a questioning look.

"Oh come on. Broad shoulders, toned arms, probably has abs. Dimples and a nice face to top it off?"

"His name is Jaehyun?" you say lamely. "Wow, I was expecting something cooler. Like even Jay or something."

"So he is who you were talking about? Isn't he so hot?"

"Well," you hesitate. You would never admit that you actually saw the abs that she was imagining. Or that he does indeed belong at a photoshoot way more than he does in front of his door hanging ornaments. "He's okay I guess?"

"Just okay?"

You nod slowly. "Why? Don't tell me you... like him or something."

"What? No, Y/N, of course not! He's in my bio tutorial and we happened to bump into each other while walking back to the dorm one day, but that's it. Nothing to worry about."

"Okay, sure?" you say, unconvinced.

"Seriously! He's interested in someone else, okay?"

"You guys are close enough for him to tell you that?"

"I—" Rose stops and turns around to look behind her. "Shoot, my cousin found me. Sorry Y/N, I gotta go! Bye—"

Then the call ends. Even though you definitely did not see her cousin in the background.

It was nice to talk to your best friend again, but that conversation leaves you feeling strange. You're confused as to why she would word vomit about how hot Jaehyun was, then immediately try to convince you that she didn't like him in that way. You've all had crushes throughout the years and told each other eagerly about them, so why was she adamantly denying this one? If this had been a conversation in person, you'd probably be able to tell whether she was telling the truth or not based on the appearance or absence of stars in her eyes, but it was difficult to tell since it was a low quality video call after all. Maybe you'll grill her about it once she gets back.

That wasn't all though. There was a feeling you couldn't quite pinpoint, but it wasn't positive. Maybe you were slightly bothered by the fact that Rose hadn't told you about this crush? Or maybe you were feeling left out because she somehow knew this rival neighbour really well while you were left in the dark, trying to figure out who kept copying your Christmas decorations. That's probably it—you were disappointed that Rose hadn't told you that she knew the culprit all along!

Then another thought hits you when you're least expecting it. He's single. It's something that never even crossed your mind since you just started assuming that hot people at this age were all off the market and you'd die all alone. Not that him being single has anything to do with you not dying alone, but maybe Rose has a chance now if she really liked him. Nah, she's too good for a cutthroat Christmas decorator like him.

After washing your stack of dirty dishes in the sink, you finally take out the trash but not before checking for enemies through the peephole. Luckily enough, shirtless neighbour, Jaehyun, was not there. Unfortunately enough, his door actually looked quite nice with the wrapping paper on it. He chose one on the simpler side so that it wouldn't clash with the ornaments but it matched with the lights on the doorframe so well that it made you feel warm and fuzzy inside for just a second until you remembered whose door this was.

And then you remembered the bluff you so confidently stated earlier today.

So now you find yourself staring at the storage box at the top shelf of your closet because of that bluff you'd made so confidently earlier. The reality was that you weren't sure if you even had anything useful in this storage box but had to check for the sake of that bluff. You refused to lose to him at decorating, but even more than that, you refused to admit that he was right. So up the step ladder you went, standing so carefully as to not tip over and fall while dragging down everything with you. The top shelf was still quite high despite your height boost and tiptoes were still needed to reach the big cardboard box. You hoped that it was at least light but don't quite remember what you'd packed in there, so you grabbed it by the two sides and began slowly shifting it towards the edge of the shelf.

The last thing you register was hearing your own voice. Screaming very loudly.

Adrenaline coursing, blood roaring, heart pounding. You don't feel the impact as you hit the carpeted floor, nor the step ladder and the storage box and all the other items in your closet tumbling after you. It becomes a big mess on the floor of your room, looking like the closet vomited out half its contents. Unfortunately, most of it was on top of you so the clothing did nothing to cushion your fall. You would probably be feeling the ache tomorrow but for now, there was something even worse to deal with.

"Are you okay?" a voice suddenly asks. You nearly scream again. "What's going on?"

"I—um." The state of shock was still affecting your mind, so you simply decided to point up for your not-shirtless neighbour to see. "Spider."

And there it was, all of its eight legs attached to your wall right beside the box you were getting. You could've touched it! Your hand totally could've brushed it! The thought of it makes you squeeze your eyes shut and suppress a shiver.

"Wow, a big one," he says as he looks around and finally decides on some random tissue you had lying on your desk. He kills it in one swift motion, making sure not to leave any of its... bodily remains on your wall. Then he goes to dispose of it as you sit there wondering if this was all a dream and that someone actually dealt with your spider problem and made it look so easy.

Despite the rivalry between the two of you, at that moment, there was nothing more attractive than a guy who could kill bugs for you. The abs were just a bonus.

"All gone; nothing to worry about now." Jaehyun reaches out a hand. "But are you okay? That sounded like quite the fall."

"Yeah, just fine." You gingerly take his hand as your head is still spinning and he pulls you out of the giant pile. You're thankful for his firm grip but what you notice instead is how soft and big his hand is.

He catches you when you stumble. "Careful," he puts his arm around you and guides you to the bed. "Wait, you're bleeding."

"What?"

"Stay right here. I'll go get a first aid kit."

You sigh as he leaves, suddenly feeling exhausted and actually glad to be taken care of for once. The thought of Christmas decorations leaves your mind and is replaced by the feeling of his arm around you, the faint smell of his body wash, how he reached the spider so easily without even stretching too far and certainly without using the step stool. And now he's getting a first aid kit for you? This definitely must be a dream.

"You didn't hit your head, right?"

Oh. Right. That was probably why your thoughts are all strange.

Jaehyun settles into the chair opposite you, alcohol wipe and cotton swab in hand. "This cut must've been from the corner of the box. Might sting a bit."

You hardly paid attention to anything he just said because suddenly there's the way he leans towards you so, so closely. The rest of the world starts to blur into the background as you feel his hand gently brush your skin, the worry and care in his eyes so genuine. Any feelings of self consciousness seem to melt away, the close distance between you not uncomfortable but rather perfect for slowly leaning in and—

"Ow!" you hear in your own voice again. He'd started cleaning the area on your left cheek with the alcohol wipe and it was the sting that seemed to jolt you from the strange thoughts.

Maybe you really did hit your head because what was all that?

"Sorry," he flashes a smile and has the audacity to laugh at your pain. "Need to make sure this won't get infected."

"You brought this first aid kit from your place?" you ask dully.

"Well, didn't know where you keep yours so..." He opens a tube of ointment and squeezes it carefully onto the cotton swab.

"Wait, how did you even get here in the first place? No, why did you come here?"

The smile on his face only grows. "Your door was unlocked, obviously. And I heard you scream followed by several loud thuds. Is that good enough?"

"Yeah, but why did you come here? I would've been just fine."

"I had to make sure that my lovely neighbour wasn't dead, alright? Otherwise who's going to continue our little holiday contest and lose?"

"Okay, first of all, you would lose. Second, you should've left me for dead," you grumble. "No one wants to participate in your stupid contest."

"Oh, come on. I thought you were enjoying it since you promised to show me all the decorations you still have." He opens a bandage and places it ever so gently on your cheek. "All done."

"I could've done that myself you know."

At that, he raises an eyebrow at you, grin still plastered on his face. "You really would've killed that spider that caused all of this?"

"How dare you—I might've? But you caused all of this actually. If it weren't for that dumb competition then why would I be up in my closet looking for that box of stuff?"

It was true enough. You wouldn't have looked for this box and you wouldn't have seen that spider. And he would absolutely not be here dealing with you battle scars.

"Oh." Surprisingly enough, that smile he had on disappears and he actually looks kind of guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Right."

"No, really. I feel bad that this happened because of something so silly. Let me make it up to you; no more competitions, no more decorations."

You almost heave a sigh in relief after hearing those words. It was like a dream come true as you've wanted nothing more than to have this decoration obligation off your back, though not if it was because he assumed you were going to lose.

So you're still suspicious.

"And how exactly are you going to do that?"

"Hmm. Let me treat you to a meal?"

You look him up and down. "I'd rather stay in."

"We can stay in and get takeout or delivery?"

"I'd rather eat alone."

"Oh come on." He has the audacity to pout at you now. "What's the point of spending the holidays alone?"

"Well, actually I've been having a lot of fun on my own."

"But doesn't it get... lonely?"

Maybe. You shake your head. "Not really."

He heaves a dramatic sigh. "How about just one night? And if you really hate it that much then I won't bother you again."

You sigh too, equally as dramatic. "Fine. But only because I'll get to beat you at whatever games you have planned."

"I'd love to see that." The grin is back on his face in full force, dimples and eyes both seeming to twinkle.

"But why do you even want to spend time with me?"

"Well, we're the only two people on campus and we happen to be neighbours?"

You stifle your laugh at his goofy expression. "Okay, fine. Please don't make it weird though."

"Weird how?"

"You know, those apocalyptic stories about the last two people on earth having to do you-know-what in order to survive and procreate and all that."

If he had a drink in his mouth, you're sure it'd be sputtering out by the way he half laughs and half chokes.

"Um, no. I have not heard of anything like that, but I think we can confirm that I'm not the one making it weird right now."

"Hey, you were the one rude enough to go walking around shirtless!"  

"I'm just kidding." He smiles that dazzling dimpled smile again. "No competitions, no decorations, and no weirdness. Deal?"

You purse your lips. "Deal, but also, shirts are a must. And pants. Don't you dare pull anything funny."

"Deal. Oh, but before I forget," he pulls out his phone and unlocks it. "I hope this isn't considered part of the weirdness."

"Hmm." It's the 'add new contact' page on his phone that he hands you, of course. "I'll let you off the hook just this once."

You add your name and number as well as a description of 'your amazing neighbour who's better at decorating' before handing it back to him.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N. I'm—"

"Jaehyun."

"You remem—you know my name?" His eyes widen, an eyebrow raised.

You shrug. "Yeah, Rose gave me your name."

"Rose talked to you about me?" Eyes flicker briefly and the corners of lips settle into a sort of frown. "What else did she say?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because—why were you guys even talking about me?"

"She literally called to say that there is absolutely nothing going on between you guys." You roll your eyes at just remembering that strange conversation. "But in any case, I'll have you know that I think she's way too good for you."

"And I'll have you know that there's absolutely nothing going on between her and me," Jaehyun crosses his arms, eyebrows furrowed. Yet at the same time he somehow looked relieved, body slack against the wall and not tense like a moment ago.

"Whatever you say," you shrug. "Oh, but she did mention there's someone you're interested in."

"What?!"

You definitely save his name in your phone as 'stupid shirtless decorating neighbour'.

***

The next few days consisted of some simple exchanges through text. The hangout was planned for Christmas Eve which was still a few days away, and as much as you didn't exactly want to be talking to him, you find your gaze wandering to your phone whenever it lights up with his name flashing across the screen.

Yes, it was just a hangout, not a date. You'd be staying in, acting casual, and there would be no weirdness involved as the two of you had agreed. Besides, you didn't even like him. At this point you could only bring yourself to admit that he was quite attractive and that your annoyance with him might've died just a little when you watched him save you from the spider and treat your wound. But now there was a new annoyance stemming from how rudely this guy was showing off all of his perfection (all six feet of it!) right in your face. Who does he think is he? You just know that you're lucky he isn't in any of your classes because this competition might've started way earlier with test grades or whatnot.

The point was that you couldn't wrap your head around why he would suddenly want to hang out with you. Based on his previous actions, it was to probably beat you in various video games or in something that should not even be a competition.

You decide to video call Rose to ask her for advice on how to better prepare you for this war.

"Did I interrupt?" is the first thing you say when Rose's face comes on the screen. She seems to be at the table in the middle of a meal, but it didn't look like a restaurant nor did you recognize it as anywhere in her house. "I can call back later."

"Nah, it's fine! How are things going on your side?"

Before you could answer, you see a guy walk into the frame. And recognize him immediately. You lower your voice, "Are you with our TA?"

"Um..." She only shrugs at you but you could see her flashing a smile at the guy who walks out of the frame. Who you're sure is the TA of your psychology class.  

"Rose, are you on a date with our TA?" you whisper.

"Sorry, I'll be right back," she says to him, before the background changes and you could see her walking to a different room. "Okay, yes, you caught me."

"How long has this been going on for?"

"Not long at all! It's a long story though and I'll tell you in person first thing when I get back. But hey, didn't I tell you that there was nothing going on between me and Jaehyun?"

"That's the first thing you decide to bring up?"

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew." She rolls her eyes. "Anyways, how are things going over there?"

You sigh deeply, ready to launch into the drama that is your life. "I may or may not have a hangout with him in a couple of days."

"What?!" she shrieks, making you nearly throw your phone. Her loud voice also invokes an 'are you okay?' from your TA, which you still could not wrap your head around. "Wow, that was quick."

"Calm down, girl, it's just a hangout. And yes, it's way too quick because I don't even know him? Don't know why he would want to hang out but I'm guessing it's probably to turn everything in a competition."

"Just because of that thing with the door decor?" She laughs. "I think you're reading too much into it. Just enjoy the holidays with some company! Besides, how do you know he doesn't want this to be a date?"

"Well, we agreed that there would be nothing weird, and also, doesn't he like someone already? So it'll just be chill and casual."

"Where are you guys going for this?"

"Literally nowhere," you stifle a laugh at the thought, "just his place right across the hall."

She snorts, "Oh man, good luck to him cleaning that up."

"Why, is it like super messy or something?" You wouldn't be surprised as it's a boys' dorm after all.

"Y/N, it's a next level mess in there, and nothing sparks joy. Trust me, Marie Kondo would definitely lose her mind seeing that mess of a place."

"You've been over to his place?"

"For a bio project! You'd think he could've picked the library or something but no, I had to trip over multiple piles of clothes lying around." She rolls her eyes, a smile on her face. "Sorry, I shouldn't be talking to you about all this. Don't worry! It'll be fun."

"I sure hope so?" You raise an eyebrow at her.

"Well if you really want to keep up with this contest of yours, I have an idea. I mean, only if you want to get back at him for the decorating thing or whatever stunt he pulls. Just in case."

"Um. I'm listening."

She leans closer to the camera, looking ready to spill some big secret. "You guys should make it a formal event. Get all dolled up—don't give me that look; I know you've missed dressing up since before finals. Anyways, get your fancy dress and makeup on and see who can clean up better. I know you've got some skills, so this is something you'd definitely win."

"But we're not even going out," you whine, "it's literally going to be twenty feet away."

"It's just an excuse to dress up, Y/N. Besides, if it's at his place you won't be freezing in your dress."

"I don't know—I feel like this kind of violates our 'nothing weird' rule."

She shrugs, "Well, it's only a competition if you're winning." Then she flashes you one of her hundred-watt smiles. "Just ask him. Okay, I gotta go. Talk to you soon?"

"Yeah, sure."

***

Jaehyun agrees to it, to your surprise.

You're not sure what kind of reaction he had as it was all done through text, but he didn't ask anything and just went along with it.

When Christmas Eve finally comes around, you pick out the most glamorous dress in your closet with some pieces of jewelry to match with it. The silvery material shimmers and glitters, bouncing light in so many directions it seems to make you radiate a type of confidence you could only wish you had. It was something you've never even worn before because of how revealing it was, but you'd brought to college with you in case of special events. And well, even though this was definitely not a special event, it still turned out to be a good decision because maybe you'd be able to beat him at his own game of so rudely showing off.  

But the moment you knock on his still gift-wrapped door is when you knew that these contests never go very well for you.

"What. Is. All. This." were the first words out of your mouth as you stood there in shock. In fear. In awe.

"Hmm? You said you wanted it to be a fancy event, so I just made it fancy...?"

"I—"

You had no words for this.

The lighting was dimmed with only the flickering candles on a tabletop and fairy lights swirling right above it creating a soft glow in the room. There was a beautiful red tablecloth with expensive looking plates ready to be served with whatever food was behind the delicious smell remaining in the air. A bottle of red wine and empty wine glasses. His apartment was spotless and not at all what you imagined it to look like, especially after Rose's spiel the other day about how messy it was. You don't doubt he spent a lot of time and effort to clean the place and set all this up, but this was way beyond anything your imagination could've thought of.

And lastly, there was him. If you'd just expected him to simply have a shirt on, he definitely went above and beyond the low expectations you had. Here he was standing in a white dress shirt tucked into black dress pants. Sleeves rolled up. Hair gelled up and slicked back. There was no ounce of imperfection in him or in this entire set up, and suddenly the outfit you picked out seems so insignificant. You could already taste the disappointment of losing a battle you'd had all intentions of winning.

Another thing that worried you was that this didn't look like the setting for a hangout. This looked like the type of place rich people eat at, where proposals happen, where anniversaries are celebrated, where you might even run into a celebrity. You definitely shouldn't have listened to Rose's advice because now it just seems like you played yourself.

"Do you not like it?"

"No, it's fine but Jaehyun, it's just—a little weird."

"A little weird? Yeah, I thought so too." He looks down, leaning against the wall as if unsure where he was supposed to go, what he was supposed to do. Not that far from your own situation.

"I shouldn't have asked for this fancy hangout," you say under your breath, then quickly change the subject before things continued down this slippery slope of awkwardness. "Anyways, I don't see a tree in here. What happened, Mr. I-have-better-decorations-than-you?"

"No tree this year, but I do have a gingerbread kit?"

"And what, were you going to put that on your door too?" You roll your eyes at him. "Let's put it together it right now."

"It was definitely an option but you're the one who wanted the fancy date." He shrugs at you innocently.

"I just wanted a chance to dress up, okay? You can't possibly comment on this," you gesture at the dress, "the way you made fun of my sweaters."

There's no expression on his face as he gives you a glance over then quickly looks away. "You look...good."

"Thanks, I know." You do a hair flip in his face just for emphasis. "Okay, let's get to it! And would you turn some lights on already?"

It turns out, decorating a gingerbread house became a lot like decorating the door to your apartment. Unintentionally. It's not like you were highly competitive by nature, but there's something about his calm demeanour, his laidback gaze, and the way his lips curl at the corners that irks you because you wanted to break down those walls and see something real. Who does he think he is, looking and acting so perfect on your supposedly casual hangout?

Besides, it wasn't your idea to see whose side of the gingerbread house looks better.

"We must look so silly doing this," you comment. "Two people all dressed up in fancy clothes just to build a gingerbread house."

"It's totally part of today's itinerary of fancy activities. Just look at how fancy my side is?" He turns the tray so you could see it. "It's looking like a mansion over here."

You resist the urge to roll your eyes at him but you'd expected nothing less. "Then I guess it would suck if someone decided to ruin it."

Holding his gaze as if a challenge, you take the tube of pink icing in your hand and squeeze it generously all over his side of the gingerbread house. It was like a thick coat of fluffy pink clouds on the roof, in the yard, and all over the windows.

His jaw drops. "You. Did. Not."

"I think I did," you tease, the biggest smile you've worn in days on your lips from just getting a reaction out of him. "And I'll do this too." He definitely does not expect it when the huge blob of the pink icing on your finger gets dabbed onto his cheek.

"You're not getting away with this, Y/N." That's the last thing Jaehyun says before he starts chasing you down with a tube of blue icing in his hands.

Then it becomes a game of running around the apartment in circles, occasionally getting close enough to place another wad of icing on him but also for him to cover you with it. Until you decide to grab the icing sugar and use that as your next weapon.

The first pinch of it lands on his face and coats it like a foundation far too light. The image of him— stopped in his tracks, lips pursed and trying to blow the sugar off, blinking with disbelief—was enough to supply you a year of happiness so that's when you let your guard down and pause to wholeheartedly laugh at him. But that's also when the icing sugar came flying at you.

In the end, both of your fancy clothes and tidied hair ended up being coated with icing sugar, as well as the apartment he'd put so much effort into cleaning. And you didn't mind at all for it worked in giving you a glimpse of someone real behind the mask of perfection that he had been wearing in the few times you'd seen him so far. Someone who isn't just abs and a pretty face, nor just competitions and winning.

Basically, someone you could like.

Dinner passes by in a breeze with delicious foods and surprisingly easy conversation. Maybe it should've felt like an awkward first date with how little you knew about each other and how you've barely seen each other before this point, but it wasn't like that at all. It was hard to define because it wasn't quite like talking to an acquaintance, yet friendship would be too tight of a term to describe this relationship. He felt familiar, like an old friend that you knew you could share everything with despite knowing him no better then a stranger. But perhaps that was from the amount of wine you both drank; while it wasn't your drink of choice, it was definitely helpful in facilitating a lot of laughter as you kept breaking out in giggles and he definitely couldn't keep a straight face.

Time was slowing as the two of you collapsed on the couch afterwards, satisfied from a hearty meal. You found yourself suddenly dreading the inevitable end to your time here, though the warmth of the wine pushes that thought away.  

"If we were outside, that would've totally been a snowball fight," you mention, looking out the window where fluffy snowflakes started to float through the air. It seemed like a Christmas miracle for it to be snowing so unexpectedly but maybe this year will give you a beautiful white Christmas.

The corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles so brightly even with the dim lighting of the room. "Then we could've also been making snow angels or a fort."

"Sorry for dirtying your floor though." You couldn't help but giggle. "It was so clean before all this."

"Don't worry, this isn't even as bad is it usually is," he confesses with a laugh.

"Yeah, Rose told me all about that."

"She did? Oh I'm so going to kill her."

The two of you burst out laughing at that, leaning over in a way that has your hand lightly brushing against his.  

"It's not all terrible though. It almost looks like it snowed in here too," you say, admiring the sprinkles of icing sugar scattered all across the floor that looks nothing like actual snow, but it's nice to think of it that way. "Icing sugar everywhere."

Everything you look at seems to glow and sparkle with the heat of the wine still swirling through your body, heart racing, cheeks hot, the world spinning just slightly. And it's not like you were completely drunk, but instead it felt more like you were drunk on life with small, happy thoughts bubbling through your veins—how cozy this place was, how it's the holidays, how you actually enjoyed spending time with Jaehyun and how things turned out much better than you could've possibly imagined. It was nothing like the image of competitive gaming with the frat boys that Rose had put in your mind; this was the most romantic thing that anyone's ever done for you even if it wasn't intending to be more than a casual hangout.

Then there was how attractive Jaehyun looked as he's seated right beside you, hair dishevelled from earlier, a faint pink dusting his face, shirt unbuttoned just low enough to expose the top of his chest. Icing sugar at the corner of his lips where a faint smile rests.

When you look back up, his eyes meet yours and you have to urge to quickly look away, cheeks blazing from knowing you'd been caught staring a moment too long. But instead, a sudden stroke of courage compels you to hold his gaze, perhaps to see a reaction, perhaps as a question silently lingering in the room for much of the night.

"Mhm, it's beautiful," he says softly, still not moving his gaze from where it rests on you. "You still have some right here," he says softly, leaning in slightly as his hand brushes across your heated cheeks. Everything seems to happen in slow motion when he reaches your bottom lip, thumb grazing gently.

And suddenly it was like a repeat of what happened just days earlier. When he meets your eyes again this time, his dark pupils are twinkling in an answer to your question, luring you into their gravity until you're sinking, eyes closing, slowly getting lost in him.

Sparks fly at the slightest brush of his lips on yours and that's enough to abruptly drag you out of the moment you were swept into.

"Wait, Jaehyun—we agreed not to make things weird."

As much as you wanted to just kiss him right then and there, there was still some part of your mind that was telling you to stay away from this slippery slope. That things will be different after the rose-coloured lenses of alcohol and lust fade, that the weird that you both had tried so hard to avoid would end up happening and ending badly.

"Um, right. Sorry." He looks away, refusing to meet your eyes as his cheeks redden, unrelated from the wine. "Y/N... it's just that I've liked you for so long."

Out of all the things you thought he would say, this was nowhere near any of it. His words catch you totally off guard and seem to immediately sober you up.

"What? What do you mean?"

He sighs softly, a hand running through his hair and a hand on yours, tentatively.

"I'm not sure if you remember but we went to the same middle school." Jaehyun pauses, his eyes searching yours for a reaction but you don't dare breathe, waiting for him to continue. "I know this was so long ago and it shouldn't even matter anymore but middle school wasn't really a good time for me."

You take his hand in yours, encouraging him to go on.

"Kids could be so cruel back then, you know?" He smiles sadly. "But you were the only person who showed me such kindness. I could never forget that, Y/N."

"Middle school?"

He confirms with a small nod and that's when you think back. Middle school wasn't a good time for you either and it probably wasn't for anyone, but nothing in particular stood out in your mind. You had a small group of friends back then and got good grades. You were in the school's band and might've been teacher's pet one year. There wasn't exactly anyone bullying you, but there was one girl who was mean and made up rumours about you and some guy you didn't even know. That guy turned out to be really nice though, and the two of you ended up as good friends as a result of that rumour. But all that ended when his family moved right before high school and you never saw him or contacted him again.  

"Sorry, I don't really recall. Were you in my class? There really weren't any boys in my life back then, like the only guy that I can recall is Hyunnie." You smile just thinking about the memories. "He was a good guy. Not sure what happened to him but I kind of liked him."

Jaehyun says nothing but you could see a hint of a smile that he was trying to hold back.

"What, you also know Hyunnie?"

He still remains silent, this time shrugging his shoulders the tiniest bit as he bites his lips.

"Then? Wait—" You gasp when it hits you. "Wait. We all called him Hyunnie but... Hyunnie. Jaehyun. That's—no," you shake your head, "there's no way. That's impossible."

"Y/N," he weaves his fingers with yours.

"You're joking." You stare at him to try to put the pieces together. The Hyunnie you remembered was a small, chubby boy with glasses so big they seem to cover his whole face while his bangs would cover the rest of it as if seeming to hide him from the world. Maybe initially you just wanted to support him as the rumours tied the two of your together, but after getting to know him better you realized he was very kind and genuine. And that's when your admiration for him started.

"Remember the secret code names we had? And the glow in the dark watch? And our mad minute competitions?"

"You're Hyunnie," you breathe, still shocked.

"Yeah," he whispers.

"But—why didn't you say anything at the time?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't feel the same," he looks away, not meeting your eyes. "I thought moving away would help me get rid of my feelings...but it didn't work."

"Why were you so sure about that? Why wouldn't I feel the same?"

"Is it not obvious? I—wasn't exactly someone you would be proud to be with. You were so sweet and popular and gorgeous. You had so many people wanting to be with you, and I—I was nothing.

"Don't say that! I was so happy that you were one of my closest friends." You pause. "Also, how could you be so wrong?" You roll your eyes at him, at all the silly things that once felt like the end of the world but are now so trivial when looking back.

"Was I wrong?"

"Yes! I liked you too, okay? I don't care what you look like. Jaehyun, you don't know how hard it was for me after you left without a trace."

"I'm sorry. I can only promise you that it will never happen again." Then he pouts. "Also, I worked so hard for these abs just to hear you say you don't care what I look like. Wow, I'm hurt."

That makes you burst out laughing. "They're definitely nice, but you are worth so much more than what you look like. And don't think that I wouldn't like you for who you are."

He brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning in just a little closer.

"Okay."

"Never think that you're not good enough."

A hand cupping your cheek, tracing your jaw. Even closer.

"Okay."

"And don't ever leave me like that again."

His lips hesitate just for a moment.

"Okay."

Then they're crashing on yours, the electricity between you crackling so loud it blocks out the rest of the world as your mind is only filled with Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun. His lips are sweet like the cotton candy you had back in seventh grade, lingering on your teeth at the amusement park, turning his tongue bright blue. His touch is gentle, ebbs and flows like the ocean during the eighth grade beach trip, water gently lapping at your feet, sand between your toes and between entangled fingers. His scent surrounds you like a warm hug on a cold day, like a hoodie too big to fit your shoulders while sitting outside of the school after the dance. All the memories flooding back make your mind spin; the things you've forgotten, the ones you've buried, and the fragments that he'd taken when he left, now brought back to their rightful place.

As the clock struck twelve, there were only whispered words of Merry Christmas in between lingering kisses, racing hearts, brushes of bare skin.

It wasn't weird like you were afraid tonight would go. What you once thought to be awkward and strange turned out to be so right, so perfect. Sure, it might hurt to know that there was all this lost time between you, but now you could make up for that by spending the rest of it getting to know each other again. Learning and relearning each other until there was only a seamless connection between the past and the present, an invisible red string tying the two of you together.

And maybe you did lose all these competitions to him but they never really mattered to you anyways especially when you gained back an old friend, a first love, a soulmate.

[acrosstimeandspace]

The Ensemble Cast’s Home

i just wanted to write a small drabble about the ensemble cast and their own dorm (aka, my self insert’s place), so here it is!

To the Ensemble cast of the Mankai Company, the second dormitory is their own paradise. 

This is not to say that their own homes, which most of them often stayed in, were bad. But there was a different feeling to being in these dorms. For some, it felt like a break away; the younger members certainly felt it was like a step into adulthood, imagining what their own college dorms would be like. The older members grew to understand the actions of those in the main cast, such as Tsuzuru or Omi, always acting like older siblings. They were family, just as much as family as the main cast. 

Iku’s troupe was his family as well, that was true, but there was something about Mankai’s ensemble cast that felt right. His troupe didn’t have a dorm, so perhaps that added to his closeness to his fellow ensemble members. But entering the door of the dorms after school or a play was electrifying. It was home, plain and simple, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

“There’s an atmosphere around here that’s always calling me back. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Arata was one of those who was most often with everyone in Mankai. He attributed it to his thirst for knowledge, wanting to learn as much as he could from his fellow actors. Helping sew a few costumes with Yuki here, learning new recipes from Omi for the ensemble dorm there, and picking up an editing program from Kazunari for fun. And showing these skills off to those at the dorm was fun, watching their eyes light up as he whipped up a new meal for them to enjoy together. He’d always wanted to learn more for himself, but now it was more fun to help the others within the company. 

“I want to learn as much as I can, and I’ve never felt more motivation than when I’m here with you all.”

It was honest to say that Eiji joined Mankai because of the costumes. Being able to wear such interesting clothes was such a call to action. But, he found that it was much more fun to get into costume with his troupe. The looks of anxiety and excitement that passed over their faces was exhilarating. The only feeling that beat that was coming back to the dorms with them, the laughter filling the air as they settled into their beds. 

“Being here is more than just costumes, it’s a sense of family! I’m so grateful to have met you all!”

Miki was confident in many aspects of his life. His path for his future high school, his passion for acting, his ability to be persuasive and charismatic. But he was most confident in the fun he had at the dorms. Sure, he had close friends, but his troupe members in the ensemble cast brought out a new side of mischief in him, made him feel free and happy. He’d found such a close friendship, it was so dear to him. He’d be happy to be in the ensemble cast for as long as they’d have him.

“This place has a sort of carefree vibe you can’t find anywhere else. I’m glad that I found acting, and you all.”

You could ask the local guitarist, Akito, how amazing it was to sit under the gazebo out back and write songs under the stars. Maybe it wasn’t the recording studio most artists dreamed of, but nothing was better than having his troupe mates come out back to see what he was doing. There always was, mysteriously, a scarf waiting for him on the colder days, a gentle reminder to take care and bundle up. He remembers fondly the day he spotted Micaiah knitting his, and the other’s resting snugly in his knitting bag.

“The dorms are warm, like a scarf gifted on a cold winter's day. I know I’ll carry this warmth with me forever.”

Takuya had no plans to act until watching the summer troupe practice. His search to try something new had opened up to a world of wonder, like a summer’s day off exploring wonderland when he was just a kid. Everything felt so freeing, and being able to laugh with the others and feel the excitement of putting on a performance made him feel like he was soaring. Sure, he wasn’t a part of the main cast of the Summer Troupe, but they were his friends and troupe members either way, he couldn’t have wished for anything more. 

“Being here feels nostalgic in the best way, you know? It’s the breath of fresh air I was searching for.”

There were many good things Ichiro could say about the Mankai company. Perhaps he was influenced by the fact others from his group also worked there, but it was truly a home. It didn’t hurt that he had convinced some of the other members to work out, bonding together with the others in his own way. He’s still honestly startled by Muku’s strength, but to him, the kid really showed what the Mankai company was really like. It seemed small, ambitious, but the company could really pack a punch.

“A roof’s a roof, and a home’s a group of people you can trust. That’s exactly what’s here under this roof.”

There wasn’t really anything that had made Kengo want to act, despite being swept up by Citron and Kazunari. He didn’t understand what they saw in him, what the others see in him now. But it was undeniably fun, being with everyone, acting together. It was nice too, to come to this dorm with a delicious meal waiting for him and friends to hang out with. Plus, it was easy to snack on new foods with Micaiah always experimenting and cooking for them. 

“There’s always something new to experience here, something crazy happening. It’s fun.”

Julian had no need to read any fortune to tell that this home he had found was something special. It was meant to be, to be a part of the Mankai’s ensemble cast. And it was fun to read the fortunes of the other members, though he could always know for success in their plays. All their efforts pointed towards it, no fortune could prove otherwise. This place, this troupe, is something great. At least, it’s something great to him.

“I feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world to be here, with you all.”

Determination is what pushed Yuichi through to becoming such a well renowned model, and now to polishing his acting. Whatever had pulled him to this stage specifically was perhaps one of the best gut feelings he had followed. It was nice, warm, in a cheesy way. But who would he be to complain when he enjoyed that feeling? The nice record player in the living room didn’t hurt either, often sweeping up whoever came through the door into a dance on happier days, and finding solace in the music it played other days as he sat by the fire on worse ones. There was comfort and effort in being here.

“Our effort shines through in our work here, I’m glad I saw that casting call. There’s something about this place that makes it feel special.”

It was true that Tsubasa, like Iku, was primarily part of another troupe. He had heard from countless people, particularly Yuzo, that he ran them ragged with his active imagination. But it was fun, to get the others in the dorms to play along. There was something fun about embracing the drama of theater, and he was glad to find such kindred spirits within these halls. 

“Perhaps what I say is perceived as enthusiastic, but these buildings are more important than many others. At least to us, to me, they are, for they are our homes.”

It would be unfair to talk about the older brother figures of Mankai without mentioning Keita. It surprised him that he has such a brotherly side. But he loved the other members of Mankai like family, and became elated when they relied on him for something. Maybe he couldn’t act full time, but being able to stand on the stage in any way he could, and find a family along the way? Well, that was something special. 

“I’m glad I can walk back on to the stage with you all. Being here has brought me so much happiness, I don’t even think I really realize how much this means to me some days.”

Micaiah watched from the kitchen with a smile, tapping the spoon he had used to stir tonight’s soup with a smile. The ensemble cast was small, maybe not as well noticed as his friends in the main cast. But they were with his dorms, and his family. And to see them all gathered around the table and talk about how happy they were to be here made him feel all warm and happy. There was a place for all of them, and Micaiah was glad to provide it.

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Hey Librarian! I loved your cover art for the first war. Do you have any fics to go along with that?

Thank you so much, friend! This list is by no means comprehensive, but it is long and filled with a variety of styles so let’s get to it!

Art referenced

Wolfstar + First War with Voldemort 

A name like Black by @writing-wrongs-and-singing-songs

Sirius had no intentions of ever willingly seeing the faces of his mother and father again. He had lived with the ever growing suspicion that should he meet his kin once again it would be down a back alley transformed into a battlefield, where they’d stand on opposing sides wands raised against one another. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this, A dinner amidst the cusp of war.

Unknown Pleasures by @kattlupin With the war intensifying around him Sirius starts to question what the point of all of this is. It just takes an Order mandated shelter-in-place with Remus and his kind words, magical plants, and good home cooked meals for Sirius to finally realize where his heart lies and that there are reasons to continue to fight.

Domestic Creatures by @veeagainsttheday

Growing up is hard to do -- but the journey is better if you take someone with you.

A Duet by @mustntgetmy

AU where Sirius was Sorted into Slytherin and also happens to be a gifted pianist and composer. Remus answers an ad for a music accompanist in a Muggle paper, is shocked to find out Sirius placed the ad, has a moral dilemma about working for a potential Death Eater, ignores said moral dilemma, then falls swiftly in love with the moral dilemma in question. But this is wartime, and even if love survives often people don’t. Expect tragedy, tenderness, complications, but above all, expect music.

Let It Bleed by @hp-shessocold

Remus does something a bit stupid.

Love, Trust and Other Wartime Casualties by BellaBabe “Full moon?” Sirius asks, realizing he doesn’t actually know. Remus looks at him oddly. “You know you were always the most attentive. James was too carefree, too unburdened and Peter too forgetful… but you, you always knew.” It’s a well placed blow and it leaves Sirius breathless. “Things change I guess.” Remus says softly. “I’m here now.” Sirius can taste the lie on his tongue. Remus hums noncommittally and pours them more tea.

resolution by @r-ougeatre New year’s resolutions 1979: 1. Try to be good. 2. Face own mortality with grace and equanimity (ha). 3. Stop being a fucking twat.

For The Hunger by @sqvalors To refer to the situation as a break-up would be generous - that would mean acknowledging the existence of anything to break up from, which Sirius would argue stubbornly against and Remus wouldn't try to make a case for, despite the hollow yearning in the pit of his stomach.

So alive we could die by @polly-darton We will never be this young again, so full of fire and rebellion. Now shoot the night just like it's medicine and we all will be born again. Remus and Sirius’ first kiss.

Elucidation Practice by @montparnassee Christmas, 1978. Remus, wrestling with the mighty problems of gift-giving on a budget, contemplates life, love, London in winter, and falling off the edge of the world with Sirius Black.

Things We Can't Say by @kittycargo "Remus looked at him, and it was the first time Sirius had felt seen in months. He’s seen people, seen James and Lily and Harry in the warm cottage in Godric’s Hollow, seen Peter in dingy bars, seen various Order members multiple times a week, but no one has really seen him in return. Remus’ eyes raked Sirius up and down, taking in every detail, and for one moment Sirius let himself imagine that maybe Remus had missed him as much as he had missed Remus."

Born Under Punches by @newsom The truth is that he’s kept this love on the back burner of his heart for so many years that he’s grown accustomed to the smell and can sometimes almost ignore it completely. He likes to think he’s made peace with the fact that he’ll never know what it tastes like.

Love Will Out by @swottypotter There's more to war than doom and gloom. This is a story about the joy that finds its way in through the cracks.

In Love and War by @pukingpastilless, shoebox_addict In the summer of 1976, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black finally stopped circling each other. Then the war began and turned their lives upside down.

Time Off Dating, or, The return of Remus Lupin by @wanderingbandurria Sirius decides to take a break from dating after a few horrible experiences. He’s now focusing on his friends, fighting the war and figuring out where he stands in all this mess. And then Remus gets back in his life after almost a year away with the werewolves on behalf of the Order. And it’s the same old Moony with his cardigans, sarcasm, soft eyes and thoughtfulness. And at the same time, he’s not. He has roughened up. He has a wild glint in his eyes, and sometimes he goes quiet, all intensity, while biting his lips. Sometimes he looks at Sirius like that, and Sirius suddenly doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Sex and Dying in High Society by @yeats-infection London, 1980. It's not yesterday anymore, or: a retrospective as told through '77 punk.

Combat Rock by @trailingoff

We don’t know how to fight for what we want.

[inky-duchess]

21 History Ancedotes for my 21st Birthday

So today I celebrate my 21st birthday and I have decided to gift you all with 21 of my favourite historical Ancedotes. Some are funny, some are sad and some are plain bizarre but I hope the make your day 💜

Mary Maloney, an Irish-born suffragette in England followed Winston Churchill around while he was campaigning for a seat in Parliament, drowning out everything he said with a very large bell and calls for him to apologise for his comments on women's rights and suffrage movements.

Clodius Pulcher was a well born Roman noble during the last day's of the Republic. He gave up his Patrician status to become Tribune of the Plebs (an office in which one had to be a Pleb) by being adopted by a much younger Plebian man who became his "father". Clodius was a bit of a riot, sneaking into religious festivals dressed like a woman to sleep with Caesar's wife, building a shrine to Liberty in the ruins of the Conservative Cicero, vetoed the last speech of one of the Consuls (who basically did nothing all year and was apparently going to roast Caesar) and burned down the Senate House with his funeral pyre (the Plebs who loved him literally tearing up the furniture to build his pyre). He was honestly the best fun.

When laying on her deathbed, Queen Caroline of Ansbach turned to her husband George II of England and told him he should marry again. George refused to ever wed again... But added he would have mistresses. Caroline said , likely with a roll of her eyes, "oh my god that doesn't matter."

Florence was a pretty cool city in the Renaissance until Savanorola came to town. He disliked the loose living artists that crowded the city, with their naked pagan gods and rampant homosexuality. He expelled them all with help of the French hoping to make Florence Holy Again. When the Borgia Pope excommunicated him and sentenced him to death, one man in the crowd was reported to have said. "thank God, niw we can return to sodomy." One Floretine man in the 1490s said Gay Rights.

So this list couldn't be complete without an entry of the only American politician I love, Alexander Hamilton who was just a walking entity of sass. I could go on about his sharp sarcasm or his disaster bi vibes with John Lauren's but my all time favourite Alexander Hamilton ancedote has to be this exchange with Thomas Jefferson "There are approximately 1010300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly explain how much I want to hit you with a chair."

Caterina Sforza was an Italian noble woman during the Renaissance. She was apart of the powerful Sforza family, which drew many enemies to her. One fateful day at Forli, Caterina's children were snatched as hostages. The besiegers threatened to kill her children if she did not cede the castle. Caterina refused, lifting her skirts and shouted to the besiegers that she had the means to make more children.

Hannibal Lecter's creator Thomas Harris was happy to end his great character's story with the original trilogy. However his publishers forced him to write an unneeded prequel explaining why Hannibal became Hannibal. Thomas Harris agreed lest he lose the rights to his character so he wrote Hannibal Rising, where Hannibal as a young man hunts down the Nazis who ate his sister with a katana.

Nell Gwyn is my favourite mistress of Charles II, mainly because of her sass. Once while trapped in the middle of a riot where Londoners swamped her carriage thinking she was Charles's Catholic mistress. She popped her head out the carriage and told the people "Pray good people be civil. I am the Protestant whore." She also dosed her rival Moll Davis with laxatives in order to free up some of Charles's time and she once flashed her underwear at the French ambassador after asking him why the Franch King did not pay her to spy on Charles because she was with him every night. A true Queen.

Emperor Ai of the Han Dynasty of China once rose from his bed to go do some ruling when he realised his lover, Dong Xian was sleeping on his sleeve. Rather than disturb his lover, the Emperor cut his sleeve off at the wrist to leave Dong Xian nap. Nothing has ever been more romantic than that. Y'all could never.

Princess Margaret the sister of current Queen Elizabeth II was a socialable Princess and often tasked to visit the up and coming music stars of the day on behalf of the Crown. When meeting the Beatles one evening, she noticed George Harrison was acting a little odd. When she asked what was the matter, he replied "We arent allowed eat until you go." Princess Margaret laughed and promptly left so the Beatles could get some dinner.

During the Siege of Jadotsville, Irish soldiers under the flag of the UN were attacked and besieged by local insurgents allied with the Katanga Regime. The insurgents numbered thousands while the Irish only had 158 soldiers, all who were lightly armed. They radioed to their allies assuring them that "we will hold out until our last bullet is spent. Could use some whiskey though".

Napoleon was famous for writing raunchy letters to his wife, the Empress Josephine while he was away. She used to reply with really mundane letters or not at all. She really just could not be bothered with him.

Josip Broz Tito was so fed up with Joseph Stalin sending assassins to kill him, he wrote to Stalin personally to say "If you don't stop sending assassins to kill me. I will send one to Moscow and I won't have to send another." It didn't work but Big Dick Energy.

Successful Roman soldiers returning from war often got to march along in parades known as Triumphs. During this, it was customary for them to sing bawdy songs about their commander. One surviving one about Caesar goes like this "Romans, lock up your wives. Here comes the bald adulterous whore. We pissed away your gold in Gaul and come to borrow more."

Matilda, Lady of the English was a woman so badass that history cannot handle her. She was the daughter of Henry I who left his throne to her after the death of her brother. She was away in France when her father died and her throne was snatched by her cousin Stephen. They battled back and forth for years with neither side ceding any ground. Matilda was once besieged in a castle during a snow storm, with Stephen's men all around her. Instead of fighting her way out. She simply donned a white cloak and walked out of the castle. Just walked out without any of Stephen's men seeing her.

Pedro of Portugal once fell in love with a beautiful lady in waiting called Inez de Castro. For years, they lived as man and mistress, popping out a few kinds. Pedro's dad really did not like Inez and wanted Pedro to find a legitimate wife so he had her killed. Pedro returned home to find the mother of his children dead. Pedro went a little crazy. He had all his father's assassins killed, ripping out their hearts as they had done to him. When Pedro ascended the throne, he demanded the Pope legitimize his children by Inez. The Pope not wanting to upset the King, said he couldn't because Inez was never crowned Queen. Pedro dug Inez up and crowned her as Queen, having all the nobility swear loyalty to her corpse. The Pope had no choice but to agree to his request.

A famously clever general once saved an entire city with an ingenious stragety to sit outside the city waiting for the attacking army to come. The attack had come to fast for the city to ready themselves for a Siege so, the general had to move quickly. He evacuated the city and took his place waiting for the army to come. The enemy forces stopped and took one look at him and bolted, thinking he meant to lure them in one of his famous traps.

Michaelangelo was really badly treated by the Vatican when he was painting the Sistine Chapel. He constantly fought with the Popes over the design and his work, which he was paid peanuts for. Michaelangelo got his revenge in his work, painting the gates of Hell behind the Papal Throne and an angel flipping the ol' fig (the Renaissance version of the bird) toward the Pope's chair.

Peter the Great was not a perfect guy. He kept serfdom as a practise in his kingdom, he had his son tortured to death and he could be an unpleasant guy. But Peter was a dreamer. He wanted nothing more to build a fleet for Russia and bring Russia beyond its borders. Peter took a gap year from ruling Russia to wander around Europe. When he stopped in England, he was granted Leicester House to chill in while he did his shipwright studies. It was here that Peter found a new passion. The wheelbarrow. Cue Peter and his new found English buddies drinking in Leicester House, punching the artwork and rolling each other around in barrels across the house's Great gardens.

Diogenes is hands down a walking shit post. He was a great thinker in Greece during the reign of Alexander but a rather dry, sarcastic wit. He lived in a pithos/a jar because he shunned all vanities and values of society. He trolled other philosophers, attending their debates to heckle them and eat loud foods through them. When Alexander the Great came to fan boy over him, saying that if he were not Alexander he would like to be Diogenes to which Diogenes just said "yeah me too, now get out of my sunlight."

Cosimo de Medici was the son of a Floretine banker with a great knowledge and love of art. Cosimo wished for Florence to release its potentially and join the Renaissance. He hired Filippo Brunelleschi to finsh the Great Dome of Santa Maria del Fiore which had láin unfinished for over a century, a symbol of a failure of ambition. The builders had lost the knowledge of creating a dome so large so it remained unfinished. Despite much opposition from the other nobility and denouncers of the Renaissance, Cosimo's dream of the completion of the dome was completed, making it the largest brick dome in creation at that time. There is nothing like achieving your dreams and certainly nothing like leaving a lasting reminder that screams 'I was right and you were wrong' to stand for centuries.

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|two.

chapter two: yellow alstroemeria

↳ flower meaning: friendship

chapter summary: to heal with a friend. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty a bit, but confort and friendship! mentions of alcohol and mention of sex

word count: 8.1k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER: 

masterlist & profiles    one: in which y/n decides to go back to social media and sees a surpirse. 

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

Hello! Here’s the next one, please, please, please tell me what you think! And please help me out, tags haven’t been working. Also, thanks to everyone who voted for the cast, you’re gonna love it, and I might announce it soon! 

There are flowers that need sunlight, flowers that don’t. You needed the sun to be bright again to bloom. Good thing, sunshine was coming back to your life. 

 You felt like everything was going great. For the first time you were doing something that you loved and you felt like you were actually healing. It had been different from last time, you were not alone. You were loved, you were being taken care of. Tim and Emma were there for you and you were so incredibly happy you had them. It was like somehow, this time you’d be able to get things done. 

Especially on that particular day, you had woken up happy. You had decided to treat yourself to some pancakes with strawberries and cherries on top. Your phone had decided to be kind to you that day, and you were, too. A happy song was the first one to play as soon as you hit the music shuffle. ‘The Tide is High’ by Blondie, the gentle notes were only adding to the perfect scenario. The flowers that your aunt had gifted you, gaillardias, were blooming, you had a smile on your face and everything seemed to be going great. You even danced a little as you were leaving the apartment and walked to the bus. 

It had been a few weeks, almost a month since you’d arrived in Los Angeles, and you were thriving. 

Your script finally had a name. “Dos-à-dos.” A dancing step, so simple. The 80’s dance movie no one had asked for, but somehow you knew everyone one needed. It felt different seeing your dream and vision starting to come to life. 

You couldn’t help but smile, you had this feeling that something was going to happen. On the bus, you nodded your head along to the music as if it was a movie scene and the spotlight was on you. You felt like the main character just after the storm had finished. Happy notes, colourful day. 

A bright glimpse in your sight, and you had even found yourself blushing. It had been so different from last time. You had friends, and god, they were such good friends. Especially because Emma and you had been healing together, some days were easier, some others weren’t, but you had each other. Dancing, laughing, crying together. Going out together, staying late at night laughing. And Tim, too. He really had his life going great. He had been offered to work in a modelling agency as a side job to his director’s assistant job. Emma was working in a costuming department, and she also did some waitressing as a side job. 

You were working at the flower and coffee shop, too. It somehow made everything nice, after a long day walking to a place that smelled of coffee and flowers. Your aunt really helped you heal with the flowers, learning from them. She was so nice, and she always gave the right advice. 

Hollywood, huh. Dreams seemed impossible, and yet you were reaching them. You were happy. 

Because you weren’t alone. And you were working on another project with them, three film graduates healing from heartbreak can make quite a team. And it was fun, so different from London. In a city where everybody wanted to make a name for themselves. And there you were. Ending up in diners at 3 am, going out biking, being stuck in traffic with the car you’ve managed to lease for the three of you. 

After a long day of work you still had a lot of happy thoughts. Emma and Tim had gotten an invitation to a party, and in Hollywood, you have to go to them, you never know who you’d end up meeting. Maybe it’s the person that will make you reach the stars, or maybe not. Like a different kind of job interview, meet the right people, make a name out for yourself.

But you didn’t want to go to a party that night, Emma had insisted on staying with you but you assured her you were doing just great. 

You had decided to have fun by yourself, you had been tired and you really needed some me time.It had been a happy day, the pre-production was going phenomenal. There were still a lot of corrections going on but the casting was almost over apparently, and filming would start soon and that had you on the edge of your seat. They had said you’d like them. You trusted them. A new director had called to play in, and he’d produce, too. You’d meet him soon. Apparently, he had heard about the project and offered to be director. 

Things were going great.

You poured a glass of wine from the bottle you had on the fridge, it literally only had enough for one damned glass, honestly, that’s all you needed. 

You had an old vinyl player, thank god Emma and Tim had agreed on buying it with you, and you had brought some pieces of vinyl from home. You went through your vinyls, and stopped just as you saw your favourite one. The one Tom had given you on your last birthday. Your birthday. 

That was going to be soon but you just liked to ignore that fact. It really didn’t matter, honestly.

But you weren’t ready to listen to anything related to Tom yet. You weren’t exactly ready to go back to Tom. 

You wouldn’t tell Emma or Tim that every now and then he did cross your mind. That was a lie, he lived rent-free on your mind and heart 24/7. You wondered how he was doing. Had he healed? Was he still angry you left? Had he finally understood why you had left? 

He hadn’t reached out for you. You wouldn’t tell Emma or Tim you had texted him once, though. One final: “I’m really sorry, I love you.” 

He hadn’t answered. Of course that had been stupid. 

You wouldn’t tell Emma or Tim, you knew how friends go: forget him. But could you? You missed him and you really had expected him to come here and maybe pull one of those stupid scenes you hated from rom coms, maybe he’d walk to your apartment, it would have to rain, but it barely ever rained in Los Angeles, but in your scenario, it would. And even if he didn’t know where you live he would show up at the door, and he would try to give a speech of how you are the only one he wants, or how both of you should forget everything and give it another chance because that’s love or whatever crap they say in romcoms, and you’d jump to his arms and kiss him and forget about everything. Kiss him again and again. 

But this was real life. 

So he wouldn’t. 

Of course you wouldn’t tell Emma or Tim that late at night you’d miss him. Or in the morning or the middle of the day. You even missed fighting with him, having to come up with silly comebacks to his stupid comments. You wouldn’t tell Emma or Tim that you missed his ugly face or his stupid laugh.

No, you wouldn't tell them.

But of course, that night you decided you’d have a ‘me, myself, and I’ kind of party. And so you did. Playing music that would make you happy, that you could dance along to. 

And it was the day you’d decided to go back on social media. After a long, long time of not being able to be on your phone for more than 2 minutes, you logged in. You saw pictures of your brother, Emma, Tim. Pictures you’d taken of them. Something you’d gone back to, photography. It was nice. At least that way you could keep Harry’s memory alive. 

Harry. 

You wished you hadn’t lost him. The question he’d asked had lingered in your mind, had things been different, would it really be different? 

Maybe you did think about it. How it could’ve been him. But would it? You had time to think about it.

Maybe you were trying to repress his memory because you knew he was supposed to be with Emma. But you couldn’t ignore the fact that Harry had still… tried something. Of course it was complicated. 

But you knew your heart was stupid and stubborn and it belonged only to one person. Would you call him, soon? 

Would Tom even answer?

Because though the time spent with him had been way shorter than the time apart, it had been strong enough to be engraved on your soul. That’s the thing about true love, or stubborn love, you love for the sake of loving. And if you were given another chance, you’d take it, no questions asked. Another hoax if you may, if he wants to. You could ruin another’s city echo. You would risk staining another street with hopeless memories only to see him again. More blank pictures, more unwearable dresses and lipsticks waiting to be kissed. A new box. You didn’t hate him. You hoped he didn’t hate you, and you wish you could turn back around to his arms. 

And then… there it was. Like someone had punched you in your throat.  As if you’d run out of air, and your whole body ached. You thought you’d never have that feeling again. You had only been scrolling, dancing to music, singing out loud and now… this. You heard something shattering, at first you thought it was your heart but then your senses came back to see the red wine all over your floor as the remaining broken glass had jumped and clashed. 

You stared at it. That was undeniably Tom and he had Cherry’s lips on his cheek. 

Why did this hurt that much? Why—why had he done this? Had he moved on? Did—he and Cherry start dating? 

Had he moved on? So quickly erase your memory? And with your—cousin? You quickly locked your phone.

You quickly got back from your shock and rushed to clean everything up, pretending you hadn’t just seen what you’d seen. Pretending it had just been your imagination. And pretending you didn’t believe it. 

But then you opened it again, and there he was, arms around Cherry, smile wide open, as Cherry was cupping his head and smiling against his stupid face.  

And you only sensed an atrophied heart falling down shattering completely. What did you expect from him? To wait around for you? He wouldn’t. 

He’d move on and of course he’d like someone like Cherry. Cherry was a goddess. A goddamn perfect goddess. 

You weren’t like Cherry, of course he’d turn around to see the sculptured doll life had presented him. She was beautiful. A model like fairy queen whatever. 

And you were you. 

But didn’t he—love you? But of course, right you’d hurt him so much and you were a fool to think that someone like him could wait for someone like you when he’d hurt you. 

It was like the damn mirror was being your worst enemy again. You were not Cherry, with her perfect eyes and lips and body. You weren’t Cherry who probably cared too little about her appearance but ended up being perfect. So careless and free. Never planning.

Tom preferred her over you, right? Because you were not enough. You felt it. Every single doubt coming to your mind. Was it your hair? Your makeup? Your body. What is it that she was a perfect fashion guru or that she wasn’t a handful like you. Was it that she probably didn’t dive in. 

Or maybe that you were too easy to get over, too forgettable, nothing extraordinary. But… You had to stop yourself from going back to that place. You were okay, right? 

You were you. That was great. You didn’t need anything else, and this was on him, not on you. This was him trying to date someone else for whatever reason. 

You had to stop comparing yourself, no, no. But you couldn’t help it. And you went back to the picture. 

But that’s the thing, you guessed, about jealousy. So, so, so jealous of her. But jealousy is a horrible feeling that only ends up killing us from the inside. God, but you were still thinking about Tom. You should’ve told Cherry, but that wouldn’t be fair play. You didn’t blame Cherry, Tom was… Tom. 

But maybe you should’ve warned her that his smile was the biggest weapon he’d use against her, and tell her that maybe he’s perfect but he’ll end up making her give him her biggest weakness and he’ll use them as a weapon. That he’ll be an angel, but it’s only a disguise. He was a devil. 

And that once you taste his lips you’ll never be able to live without them again. But no, Tom was only pain. Yes. 

But you had to forget him now. Because he’d forgotten you. Probably he was only a mistake, someone to add to the book, but gosh, no, it couldn’t be. He was an idiot. 

You looked at the picture. Why? 

No, no… How could this be? Why the hell were you crying and why the hell did it feel so bad? Like a dagger coming right through you, like you couldn't breathe, everything had turned dark again. 

You did the only thing you could do then, lay down and cry. Because were you going to call him and tell him to go fuck himself? You didn’t have the right to. You were the one who had gone away. But if only you hadn’t. And you had the enraging and flaming jealousy burning through you, the sadness was bigger. You’d be jealous later. And what would happen if you showed up? 

Why did he do it? 

This was on you. You’d given up, but it hurt so much. You couldn’t even figure out your thoughts, like a million things popping up, but nothing made sense and you couldn’t stop feeling that head and stomach ache, the heartache. You finally took a deep breath that was confused with a sob. Drowning. 

It wasn’t raining in LA, yet you saw your room flooding, water entering from everywhere, and you couldn’t move. You weren’t able to breathe, you were only sinking. Had it all been in vain? 

Maybe…

Maybe. 

Your sorrow was too loud yet you barely made any noise, all curled up in your bed, feeling cold, and drowning, suffocating. The music was still playing, life laughing at you. And you knew it then, it was over. You were broken in two and there was no way to fix this now. Not right now. He’d given up on loving you. You’d lost him, and you wondered, would you ever try to turn back time to stop yourself from loving him if only you had known you’d end up losing him anyway. 

“Y/N—no, Timmy let me handle this, let me--She’s not okay, okay, I know Tim, but you will only make things worse,” a muffled voice was heard outside your room after a while, Emma walked in to see you pitying yourself, as you danced hugging a pillow as you hummed along to the music still playing. She closed the door. “Are you okay?” She asked, and you didn’t lookup. “What a fucking stupid question of course you’re not,” she answered herself as she walked over with some takeout, another bag and two six-packs of beers. “Here, bottoms up, thought beer would go better with this” she said, handing you a beer over. It worked well as a microphone. 

You sang along to the music, not even knowing when the hell you’d started playing that ABBA vinyl. She joined you, knowing that was probably what you needed. Heartaches are a weird thing, you didn’t even know what the hell you were going through, denial, probably. The cold tears kept streaming down as you were probably now in a state of denial, as you danced along your room.

And then, it hit. The pain, again. You sank to the ground and then rested against your bed. 

Emma sat on the edge of the bed watching you. Emma sighed as she sank to the ground with you. you breathed in a sob as she pulled you into a hug, somehow being comforted made you even sadder. 

“It’ll be okay,” she assured you. “It’ll be okay.” 

You tried to soothe your sobs as you sat up. “This is stupid, why am I even crying I don’t care-” 

“No, men are stupid—” Emma stated, you only chuckled softly. “Show me the picture.” 

You handed her your phone, and she stared at it. Emma grimaced and then stayed incredibly quiet. 

“So?” 

She took a deep breath. “Okay—first we need to unfollow them both,” she said. 

“But—” 

She held the phone far from you as she unfollowed them. “Y/N you're going to keep going back and we don’t want that.” 

You sighed, she pulled out some tissues from the bag and cleaned your face with them. You chuckled. She handed you some pills, and then walked over to your mirror, she opened a drawer and took out your makeup wipes. She walked back and wiped off the remaining makeup that hadn’t been absorbed by the tears. 

“Do you think they’re—” You couldn’t even finish the question. 

Emma bit her lip, knowing exactly what you’d meant. “I don’t know, I don’t know Tom enough.” 

You groaned. She thought they were dating. 

Emma realized it’d been the wrong answer. “It’s cause,” she paused as she took a deep breath. “Look, I didn’t know about this, you and Tom. Honestly, when Timmy told me I—I didn’t expect it you know?” 

You blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, like… If you asked me anything concerning Tim and, I’d know, but... You and Tom? But guess it—”

“Didn’t make any sense, yeah I know,” you sighed.

“No, it did,” Emma said. “In a weird way. Even--,” she cleared her throat. “Harry said it once, how he wondered why you guys never dated…I never told Timmy about it but it—It made sense,” Emma nodded. “Him being in love with you made a lot of sense. that’s probably why he was always so attentive and obsessed and—”

“Yeah—Emma  you’re not answering my question,” you gulped. 

Emma chuckled. “What was the question?” 

“They’re dating right?” You asked, showing her the screenshot. 

She bit her lip, staring at it. “I don’t know.” 

“Fuck, maybe not dating but—” 

“Look y/n, I don’t know but—”Emma sighed. “Does it matter? This is a sign that you have to move on.” 

“I don’t know why I feel this way,” you admitted.

“It’s normal.” 

Was it normal? You didn’t know. But you were angry, sad, disappointed. You couldn’t even map your emotions. What were you even feeling? What was it? Jealousy? Anger? Sadness? 

“I mean I guess I did ask him to move on,” you pointed out.

Emma sighed. “Didn’t you ask him to heal?” She had handed you the Chinese takeout she’d brought you as both of you sat on the floor. You stared at the food, but you weren’t even hungry. 

“Isn’t it the same?” 

“Not really y/n,” she said as she stared at her noodles before taking a bite. “You asked him to give you time because you wanted to try it out again.” 

“I’m such an idiot.” 

“Maybe it’s just a rebound,” Emma said. 

“But it’s my cousin!” You cried. “What the fuck is wrong with him?” 

“I mean you kind of—with his brother,” She pointed out. 

“It’s not the same and you know that,” you rolled your eyes as she laughed .”Because -I didn’t.” 

“I’m messing with you, but I know, I know but..” 

“I don’t know,” you sighed. Because you really didn’t know. What was going on? What the hell?

“And cherry didn’t know?” Emma asked, as she changed the box with you, now you had the noodles and she had the chicken. It had become a habit with Emma, sharing food. 

“I didn’t tell her,” you admitted. 

Emma scoffed. “Oh, but come on,” Emma frowned. “Like, it was obvious, like… Please he showed up with flowers to your house? And isn’t she like a fucking flower guru or some shit why the hell didn’t she read the room?” 

You finally took a bite before drinking your beer. “I...well.” 

“But still no, you know what? Tom is the one who’s shit here,” Emma said. 

“Is he?” You asked. 

“Fuck yes,” Emma chirped. “Like, come on, what the fuck? He was so angry at you because you left saying you’d thrown it away,” she dramatized. “But he is the one to throw it all out!” 

“You think?” You frowned. 

Emma rolled her eyes. “I know that!” She snapped. “he—let me see the pic, again.” 

You showed her again. 

“I just didn’t think he’d move on that quickly you know,” you pointed out. 

“Yeah I—it doesn’t add up,” Emma agreed. 

“I feel stupid for feeling this way,” you sighed. 

“No you’re not stupid you’re human and he’s an asshole,” she said. 

“He’s not--” You gulped. “That’s—that’s the thing, okay? And I don’t want to call him that because that’s the reason as to why it all went to shit, because I called him a monster.” 

“Look y/n, I know you still feel guilty about it but that man has hurt you multiple times throughout his life, he’s done some awful shit to you, and yes you hurt him too but he’s shown that he doesn’t deserve your love.” 

“But I want to love him,” you said. “Or wanted.” 

“Yes, alright and that’s fair,” she admitted. “But he’s a man and all men suck.” 

“Right.” 

You stayed quiet for a while as you both ate, sang along to the music still faintly playing in the background, changing boxes, drinking beer. Leaning against your bed, both on the floor. 

“And like—Cherry is so pretty of course he’d date her,” you commented after a while. 

“She’s pretty and so what?” Emma shrugged. “You’re beautiful y/n.” 

“And she is—so perfect and I’m,” you continued. The poisonous thoughts coming back to you. 

“Y/N no don’t you dare compare yourself to her,” Emma warned. 

“But how can I not?” You stated. “She’s bloody perfect, her hair her clothes, she’s just-” 

“Yeah, and look at you, you are fucking beautiful, alright? Look at you, so bloody beautiful and perfect, and talented and you’re amazing and you’ve got great music taste, but y/n don’t compare yourself to her!” 

“Why not? Because we both know she’s a model and-” 

“She’s attractive, yes! But you are too! You’re amazing y/n!” 

“Then why did he move on? Why—why didn’t he come back for me?” You asked, and the question lingered in the air. 

Emma didn’t have an answer to that question. 

“I just don’t know how to feel,” you admitted. “I… I am jealous, but sad, and angry and desperate and I know I shouldn’t be.” 

“I hate seeing you sad y/n,” Emma said, scooting close to you. “But it’s okay, right now you need to cry it out.” 

You didn’t want to keep crying. But you needed, and just as she had said those words, the tears had streamed down again. You leaned against your friend, knowing she really was there for you, but no shoulder to cry on would soothe your sorrow. 

“Yes, I’m here for you, it’s okay,” she said. 

“I just thought I—” words couldn’t even come out. “it’s stupid but all this time I—I thought he’d come back to me but I guess it was just stupid.” 

“No,” Emma said. “It’s not stupid.” 

“I just can’t believe he moved on that quickly,” you said, sitting back up, wiping off your tears. “While I’m here crying over him and thinking about him all the goddamn time and I—I can’t believe he’d hurt me again but he probably doesn’t even know I care,” you continued with a sob, barely even breathing now. “And I—I’ve been pretending I’m doing fine but I just can’t forget about him and god it’s stupid that I keep—doing this.” 

“Cry it out, you’ve gotten out of it before,” Emma said. “We don’t even know if they’re dating or-” 

“No but the thing is Emma that if I fucking dared to post a pic where Timmy is in the background he’d lose his fucking mind and call me and blame me for it,” you growled. “And he’d make a scene and—And I deserve to make a scene too because—-because it’s too soon and I would’ve-” You took a deep breath as your voice was cracking. “I would’ve thought he’d wait just a little but maybe he doesn’t—I don’t even know why I’m… so upset.” 

“Let it out.” 

“I don’t even understand why I feel like this, jealous and sad and—I just it should be me, the one with my lips on his cheek and I am angry because maybe I shouldn’t have left! I’m here wondering what could be different, you know? And I” 

“Y/n you left because of your dream.” 

“And when I go back... what if I never see him again? What if we can’t even say hello or be in the same room.” 

“You were like that before,” Emma said. 

“But I can’t pretend he’s not the love of my life and I can’t pretend that I won’t love him for the rest of my stupid pathetic life.” 

Emma didn’t say anything. 

“I just... I am hurt—and I’m not making any sense. I'm just sad because I was going to call him.” 

“You what?” Emma asked. 

“I thought about it today, how I missed him too much but hey, not anymore, because he’s fucking dating Cherry or he’s fucking Cherry or…” 

“It’s probably a rebound y/n.” 

“With my bloody cousin? Is he for real?” You were exasperated. 

“Men are stupid.” 

“Yes but—but I just... I don’t understand this,” you sank to the floor again as you were running out of breath now, until then you noticed you were bursting into tears. 

“Come here, it’s okay the pain will end,” Emma opened her arms again. 

“I just thought I’d be—alright.” 

“And you will, you are still thriving y/n!” She said. “They’re making a movie out of your script! You actually are doing something you love! You’re living with your best friends!” She pointed out. 

“I guess.” 

“You guess?” Emma frowned as she reached out for your pillow. She playfully hit you with it. “You’re fucking thriving, y/n! And you’re learning a lot of flowers, even if I can’t stand you talking all day about them, y/n you’re doing great!” She said, hitting you with the pillow after every word. 

A faint smile was on your face. 

“And you know what? You’ll forget about him, soon enough and we will dance and laugh and you’ll be okay,” she assured you. 

“Yes.” 

“But right now you need to cry and it’s okay,” Emma continued. You nodded. “Okay, what else?” 

“And she—she tweeted this,” you showed her. 

She frowned. “Love me, love me, say that you love me?” She frowned. “But those are lyrics, ain’t they?” She asked. “And if…Oh sis, look, that girl—Look I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it’s probably what you need to hear but that’s just a very obsessive rebound.” 

“What?” 

“If she’s in love with him already that’s her problem,” she pointed out. 

“Really?” 

“Would you fall in love with a man who was so broken?” 

“...No” 

“Exactly she’s digging her own hole and,-” 

But you didn’t let her finish. “I just don’t want her being in my place I should—it’s… and what if he ends up actually loving her?” 

Emma sighed. “You’ll find someone too, someone better who won’t hurt you and who will actually fly to another country to search for you  instead of blaming it on you for leaving.” 

You sighed. 

“We are very much alike aren’t we, we both thought they’d come here?” Emma said. 

“That’s on us being stupid for expecting something from two men,” you said. 

She laughed as she opened more bottles of beer.

“It’ll be alright y/n.” 

“I know but right now—“

“I know, I know we need to cry.” 

Emma was definitely a friend you needed. And you were a friend to Emma. You hadn’t really had a breakdown, or was mostly helping Emma. You had so far ignored your pain until that night. Maybe because you were trying to assure yourself that it didn’t hurt as much or because you kept the hope that you’d end up together. 

But Tom had moved on and you probably had to move on, too.

You woke up the next day with barely any blankets as Emma had stolen all your bed and pillows. You were sore and your eyes hurt from crying. 

But you knew this didn’t feel as bad. Somehow it didn’t feel like after the club, or after prom, or after the script, or after whatever. 

No. Yes, it hurt. But it felt like a normal kind of pain, like when Louis had broken up with you. Or like when Timmy had tried to start dating another girl just after your breakup. Not the Tom pain. 

But it still hurt. 

You woke up and you saw Tim, a cup of coffee in his hand  as he was leaning against the counter, he was scrolling on his phone. 

You walked over and poured some coffee for yourself. You needed some energy after spending all night crying. The morning routine had an unspoken rule, whoever woke up first would make coffee for everyone. 

Timmy looked up at you. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” you said. 

“Did you get some sleep?” He asked. “Emma is a snorer, so—“

You chuckled. “Yeah, I know,” you sighed as you stared at your coffee. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked. 

You pursed your lips and then shrugged. “Dunno.” 

“Emma didn’t tell me what happened,” he admitted. 

You frowned. “She didn’t?” 

“No, she said I’m a man and I don’t deserve to know,” he said chuckling. 

You laughed. “Yeah.” 

He grinned. “I mean I kind of can assume what happened.” 

“Do you follow Cherry on Instagram?” 

“I do not,” he scowled. “But it’s—About Tom. Right?” 

“Yeah. Tom’s an idiot.”

“But that’s no news,” Timmy pointed out with a smirk. 

You chuckled slightly. “No, I know, same old story.” 

Timmy watched you. “But what happened?” 

You pulled out your phone and showed the screenshot. It probably would be a good idea to delete it and pretend it didn’t exist. But sometimes we are idiots and like to keep adding salt to the wound. 

Timmy grimaced looking at it. 

“Verdict?” You asked. “Are they a thing?” 

“No,” Timmy assured you. “Knowing Tom,” he said. “He did this to hurt you.” 

That—that hurt even more. Because Tim was right. Knowing Tom, this was his way of getting back to you. Knowing Tom he had expected you to see it and cry. 

And maybe he had even expected you to call and yell at him. 

And that’s when you did hear more shattering, this time it wasn’t a cup, this time it wasn’t the glass of wine. It was your heart and it was undeniable. You could hear it again. The rain pouring down, the ripped off stomach. There it was… the Tom pain. 

You hadn’t seen it that way. But it made sense. It hurt more to think that this probably was on purpose. That Tom hadn’t moved on, that Tom was doing this purposely. That he probably expected you to be on the floor tearing yourself apart. Because Tom was probably taking his revenge. And Tom knew that you’d end up comparing yourself. Because that was Tom, he used your weaknesses as his biggest weapons. But you didn’t want to go to war again, no. You had changed, you’d bloom and blossom. 

Yet you could only wonder, who dares to plant flowers on a battlefield? 

“Y/N?” Timmy asked. 

You only took a deep breath. “I’m—Yeah, you’re right.” 

“Yeah, he probably thinks this is the way back to your heart, make you jealous or something,” Timmy said. “Nothing to worry about. I’m—Look, I’m pretty sure  he still loves you but he’s an idiot.”

Big idiot wanting to tear you apart. 

“You know I don’t understand why I’m —feeling this way,” you admitted. Now knowing you were angry and disappointed. Because he probably really wanted to hurt you, give you a spoon of your own medicine. “I—I don’t understand. How many more tears will I have to shed to get over him?” 

“We all wonder about that,” Tim nodded.

“I just—I still, I don’t understand why he does that and why even after he does those things I keep loving him.”

“I think you were told so many times that he hurts you because he likes you that you ended up believing it and allowing it,” Timmy explained. “Maybe that’s why you are having trouble getting used to having people who care.” 

You didn’t answer anything. He was right. He was so right.

“I guess but I didn’t...I thought this time.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I thought this time it would be different, you know? I thought we would heal and then… have another chance.” 

It was so difficult talking about this with Tim. You didn’t know where he was standing with you. But somehow, it had always been easy talking about anything with Tim, he listened. That was his gift. He listened and he was observant so he gave you exactly what you knew was right. His advice even if it hurt him, would be right.

“Maybe you will,” Timmy shrugged. “But you can’t keep yourself tied to him, y/n. It’s—hurtful to keep trying to reach for something that won’t hold back your hand. Give it time. And look, I’m not telling you to move on, because fuck, moving on when you’re in so deep is hard, but be kind to your heart. Don’t let it ache. Not for someone who’s willing to hurt you. And maybe you’ll go back to him, or end up with someone else, but he needs to grow. And if life really wants you to be with him, then life will give you a chance, but I don’t understand why you want to be with someone who does this kind of thing.” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“Well, is there anything I can do to help?” 

You sighed with a smile. “Turn back time, maybe, get me out of my trance.” 

“It’s a big city, y/n, we can take the day off, have fun you know? Go to a quiet place, I know that helps you.” 

“I don’t know Tim.” 

“C’mon, let’s get you out, have some fun,” he insisted. 

“Maybe later, I need to assimilate things. Today I’m going to be at a meeting with casting and—yeah.” 

The day felt… plain. The usual feeling you were so used to, the Tom pain. But you ignored it, and you saw the cast, it got you excited and back on track. It made you forget about it, about everything, really. 

They still hadn’t told you who’d be directing, but he’d arrive next week. They told you that he had personally reached out for the project, a new director. Exciting news, right? But you couldn’t care about them, because you couldn't ignore the ache. The thoughts, the poison. No matter how sunny the day was, you felt gray. And it was almost ironic. How the day before you felt like everything was great, like rain on your wedding day. Ironic. How it was one of the best things that ever happened to you and you weren’t able to enjoy it. How it weighed on your chest. 

Your aunt noticed you were sad, but she didn’t ask about it. You guessed she probably had seen the picture, too. It was her daughter, after all. Serving coffee and making flower arrangements did help, somehow. You know, help as much as it could with the sadness that was not allowed to cry and was supposed to smile instead. 

You thought about it, how you really wanted to hate him. The city was too bright and happy and you couldn’t escape, you still didn’t think you’d lost him. Maybe that was your pathetic way of pretending it wasn’t over. 

Emma tried to convince you to go out that night. You didn’t. She gave you a week, watching movies with you, letting you listen to music, going out to quiet places for dinner, staying up late at night either laughing or crying, and you were really bonding, watching series, sometimes just laying down on the bed together, while you were both on your phones.. Even if she tried to convince you to go out clubbing, and go out and meet someone, she even tried to make you open tinder, you really didn’t have the energy for it. But Timmy had stopped her from trying. 

“That’s her way of healing, she likes quiet,” you had heard Timmy warn her. 

“But she needs to keep herself busy,” Emma had said. 

“I know her, give her a few quiet days.” 

“But she’s a fucking mess,” Emma had said. “I saw her add champagne to her green juice this morning.” 

“Like a green juice mimosa?” Timmy asked. 

“She’s a mess!” Emma said. 

“I know, but she needs quiet, and hugs and just, don’t push her,” Timmy continued. “If not, we’ll use your way.” 

In that sense, Timmy knew you. That’s probably why he’d suggest movie nights, the three of you. You’d found a place that played old films, you went there, once. 

And a week had gone by, and you weren’t doing better. But you knew it was normal, it was the Tom pain, the Tom effect. The one that didn’t go away easily. The one that lasted, the one that would stay forever. The perennial type of pain, that may be dormant for a while but would come once again. The Tom pain. 

But you felt… that horrible thought came back. How she was prettier or skinnier or smarter or perfect and that maybe he hadn’t done it because he wanted to hurt you. That he genuinely liked her. And why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he like her over you? She seemed more of the type fit for him and not you. She was probably the kind of girl that he would like to be seen with. Not you. 

Cherry. Cherry. Cherry. It was funny how she was named after Cherryblossoms. Meaning renewal. And that was Tom’s new model, wasn’t it? 

Poisonous thoughts that were killing you slowly. And that constant headache. 

“Okay, that’s it, we’re doing it my way,” Emma had stated. You’d be going out that night, which you only wondered if it was right. You couldn’t be hungover the next day since you’d be meeting the director. Finally. 

But Emma had convinced you. You dressed up, and showered with perfume, and you were ready to simply forget about him. Of course Emma stopped you and then did your makeup and made you change your outfit, which obviously hadn’t been picked out well, but who really gets fashion when they’re broken hearted. 

The three roommates, out and happy. Walking into a club, more like a bar sort of place with a dance floor, the three of you sat by the bar. 

“Alright, y/n, here’s the thing we’re gonna do some shots,” Emma stated as she ordered shots for the three of you. “And look, I’ve heard you and right now, y/n, we need… We just need you to forget about him, alright?” 

“Fine.” 

And so it started, the party you so well needed. Maybe you’d changed enough that quiet was definitely not what you needed. And maybe Emma had been right all along. You needed fun. And so fun you had, and you kept drinking and singing along to the music and Emma even dragged you to the dance floor. Yelling lyrics, coming up with new ones and terrible dance steps. Timmy only stayed behind watching you both, he was very amused by the situation. He knew this wasn’t really your thing but, it was fun and exciting and thrilling. 

Then the second part of Emma’s plan started, she walked back to the bar and made you sit there. 

“Now we wait.” 

“For what?” You asked. 

“Please, give it two seconds and men will come like this,” she snapped. “They’re soooo desperate, and we’re pretty and we need free booze, so,” she grinned. You could tell she was tipsy by now. 

“I don’t really want to… flirt with anyone,” you said. 

“Flirt,” she scoffed. “C’mon y/n, you need a cleanse! Tom’s the last man you slept with right?” she asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Can we not talk about that?” Timmy laughed. 

“Oh, please, Tim, did you think that she wouldn’t sleep with that guy who’s basically sex on legs,” Emma said. 

Timmy blinked. “That’s a very weird way to talk about your ex financés brother.” 

You laughed. “Sex on legs? Oh come on, I didn’t sleep with him for that.” 

“I get it, you were in loooove all that shit,” Emma continued.  “And it’s been… What? Two months?” She asked. 

“Almost three, yeah,” you rolled your eyes. 

“See? You need one good hook up and you’ll be fine,” Emma said. 

Timmy chuckled. “Does that even work?” 

“Good question, have you hooked up with anybody?” You asked. “Because if you have and you’re still-” 

“No, I haven’t,” Emma admitted. “I’ve… made out with some guys but nothing really, but maybe that’s what we both need. Or the three of us, just one… random hookup. We need someone to fuck those guys out of our system.” 

Timmy and you shared a questioning look. 

“I don’t really—“

“Now, Timmy please leave otherwise you’ll ruin the place, go pick up some girl and dance with her,” Emma ordered. 

Timmy didn’t even have time to say anything before Emma was pushing him away.

Soon enough, Emma was right, two guys had approached the two of you and offered to buy you both drinks. The conversation was boring. Honestly you didn’t even listen to their names, they were probably the stereotype of guys who feel they’re attractive enough to get their shot in Hollywood. They were talking and talking, the guy interested in Emma wasn’t half as bad, but you still didn’t stand him. Eventually the guy with Emma managed to get her to the dance floor and the guy with you realized you were not all interested and thank god, eventually walked away. 

Two other guys tried to creep up on you but you threw them away, easily and quickly. You were very good at making them go away, maybe that was why Tom had… No, you had to keep that thought out of your head. 

“Hello, ma’am May I buy you a drink?” you heard a voice behind you. 

You laughed. “Timmy.” 

He grinned as he sat beside you. “I’m sorry I just saw a beautiful girl all by herself and I want to buy her a drink.” 

“Please don’t,” you grinned. 

“I’m just trying to cheer you up,” he admitted, laughing as he took a sip of his own drink. 

“Aren’t you interfering with Emma’s plan?” You asked. 

He rolled his eyes. “I thought you were doing that yourself by rejecting everyone approaching you,” he claimed. 

“Yes I just don’t think that a one night stand with meaningless sex will help me,” you said. 

“I agree with that,” he conceded. 

You looked around at the bar, you had had fun when you had danced with your friends but not now. Timmy lit up a cigarette and offered you one, you never were a smoker but a cigarette seemed like an open invitation. “I didn’t want to come,” you admitted. 

“I didn’t either,” Timmy said. 

“But you always go out with her, you like it.” 

“No… Well, yeah, because I know this is helping her, not because I like it, you know this isn’t really my thing but she’s keeping herself distracted, that's her way of healing,” Timmy said. 

“Huh, right,” you nodded. 

“And I know yours involves watching movies in a quiet place, and curling up and all that things,” he continued. 

“Yeah,” you smiled sadly. 

“He’s an idiot you know,” he looked down at his cigarette. 

“Yes he is,” you nodded in agreement as you sipped from your drink.

“Letting you go?” He scoffed, rolling eyes and shaking his head. “Although I do admit it was pretty smart.” 

“What?” you frowned with a chuckle. 

“I should’ve thought about it,” he continued with a smirk. 

“What?” You playfully nudged him. 

“Dating your cousin, that’s clever, closest thing to the actual thing,” he snickered. 

“Oh thing then,” you laughed. 

He chuckled and then looked away with a silly smile. “Yes, but she’s not half as pretty.” 

“She is a goddamn model,” you chided. 

Tim coughed. “As an actual model,” he reminded you with a smug smirk. 

“Oh shut up,” you chuckled. 

“As an actual model, I can tell you that she’s not half as pretty as you are,” he assured you. 

You blushed. “You’re blind.” 

He grinned. “Hmm I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” 

“I’d see a mess,” you stated. 

“Yeah, who drinks green juice mimosas apparently,” he laughed. “But… Pretty mess.”  

You laughed. “It’s not...It’s a thing. Green mimosas.”

“It’s not,” he turned serious. 

You only grinned. 

“So what’s a beautiful girl like you doing in a place like this?” He asked. 

“I’m having fun,” you stated. “Ain’t that obvious?” 

“You’re not from around here are you?” He chuckled. 

“What gave it away?” You smirked. 

“So what brought you to Hollywood?” He laughed. 

“What brings everyone I guess, a hopeful promise,” you lied. 

He grinned. “Hm, and how’s that going?” 

“Huh,” you chuckled. 

You didn’t even realize where the conversation had gone to. You ordered drinks, laughed and watched Emma yet again, like Tim had said, turn down another man. Drunkenly the three of you managed to get back home, but you and Tim kept talking and talking, and laughing. 

After Emma, too drunk to even continue, was tucked in her bed, you and Tim headed to the couch where you both kept talking about silly things. His job, your job, about the project the three of you were planning, everything but Tom. The difference of being here in LA, how you missed London, but didn’t at the same time, the way that you both found funny people in the bus or the way you hadn’t crossed into any celebrity yet. About the script, and how it felt weird to see it come true, with your life, your love story. Was it love? How different it felt, and how you barely believed it. The way that you didn’t know what to write next. 

And you didn’t know how it happened, really. You couldn’t even tell if it had been the alcohol, the conversation, the heartache, a combination of those three things, or maybe not. The absence of love, or how it felt like you had never really had one last proper kiss. 

But his lips were on yours. And you really didn’t mind that his hands were pulling you close to him. You really, truly didn’t mind.

Except for the fact that you probably didn’t care and he did. 

You pulled away as you felt his hand exploring a bit more than necessary. 

“Timmy this isn’t —this isn’t okay,” you said but you weren’t stopping, and he didn’t either. “I don’t want to trick you into doing this,” you said. 

“You’re not tricking me,” Tim said as he pulled away.  “We both...Fuck this is wrong,” but his lips were back on yours, and your hands were on the hem of his shirt. 

“But, no, no,” you finally pulled away. “Tim, no, no, I… can’t.” 

“I know, I know, but…”

“I can’t do this to you.” 

“I’m not complaining,” he pushed. 

“But…”You didn’t even know what the hell you were doing. “I…”

He didn’t even let you finish as he was kissing you again. And again, and again, and again. Until clothes were on your bedroom floor, sweaty wandering hands and lips discovering new spots. Sweet new sensations, and savoury rough kisses. Colliding again, and again, and again. You really didn’t know what you were doing, he probably didn’t either. Because yes, flowers need sunlight, but somehow, something was blooming in the dark. 

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perfidy  ( series masterlist)

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[fakeloveaskblog]

Janus, have you and Remus hung out other then when you go to fake therapy? You should ask him out? Keep it open, maybe not outright ask him for a date but to hang out!

(Words: 2140)

Janus: "Oh you know me anon. I am so totally known for asking people to hang out. Yes me and Remus have been eeeverywhere together /s No we have never hung out.......But I suppose you have been very wise so far. So I shall try and go ut of my comfort zone and ask him he would like to spend time together"

They were in that same spot they always stood after the fake therapy. Where they were supposed to part ways. Remus had his phone out, checking the bus times. Janus knew he had to say something now or else yet another week would pass and he would never have the courage to ask.

"Do ehm is you- fuck-" Janus wanted to smash his head open on a rock. He was a idiotic mess who couldn't even say a simple sentence.

"What?" Remus looked at him with a smile. Jan swore he had specifically practiced that smile so it made him melt internally every single time.

"Do you maybe possibly have anything to do today?"

"Oh yeah all booked up with exorcising demons out of old ladies' houses. you know how it is!" He let out a short screechy laugh "Come on Snakey y'know I don't have a job or any plans on robbing banks right now. Of course I'm free!"

"Noted. Then I am totally not asking you to perhaps do something like going to the movies?"

Remus' eyes widened and he shone up into a huge toothy smile "YES!" He grabbed Janus' hand while flapping with his other hand "You gotta be psychic or something! I've been wanting to see this movie made by a director I'm hyperfixating on but I didn't wanna go alone and my sister is still out of town SO this is great!!"

He didn't waste another second. He dragged Janus with him as he began to very quickly walk while continuing to stim.

All Janus could do was stare at their hands. Their palms pressed against each other. His love's thumb brushing up and down his skin. He had never been happier over forgetting his gloves at home.

His cheeks stayed rosy red the entire walk. It was like walking on air. He didn't even realize Remus was still speaking until they got the cinema.

"-And that's why I thought it would have been better if the hamster had died!" He concluded.

".............Fascinating" Janus replied hoping it was a good answer.

"I know right!"

He looked down and realized they were still holding hands. His happy expression instantly dropped as he let go of Janus like he was made of fire.

"Oh fuck buckets! I should have asked if you were okay with like ehhh touch beforehand! Now you're gonna cut my head off!" Remus gasped out.

"Indeed, I do now hate you and I have already hired an assassin to kill you" Janus replied sarcasticly "It's okay, I promise"

Remus let out a breathe of relief in the most cartoon balloon leaking air way possible. "Neat!"

It was 3 pm on a Thursday so there weren't any people in line. Remus didn't even give his friend a chance to pay for his own ticket. He also got a big ass popcorn and a bag of eyeball candies.

He dumped the snacks into the arms of Janus as his eyes caught on a poster on the wall advertising another movie. He jumped up and down while pointing at it, like the excitement was too much to be contained in his body.

"It's my sister! She told me she would be in this one!" The poster didn't show the actresse's face since she had on a cloke to look dark and myserious (tm) "That's her I swear on the last human tooth I have!"

"I believe you. You could be her perfect stunt double"

Remus shoot his arms out "That's what I've been saying too!!! You really are a psychic! Being a stunt double is literally the dream job! I get to pretend to be killed in so many ways! I get to jump off of buildings!! Sadly she mostly does dramas and romances and all that boring stuff"

"Well I for one would love seeing you get stabbed on film" He held his hand over his heart as he said it.

"Omg snakey!! Thank you!! Means a lot!"

He had that wide smile on his lips again. Janus wished he was able to make him smile like that every day.

"Oh the movie is starting soon! Ahhhh exciting! Horror really is the best genre!"

Janus paled "Horror?"

"Yeah! I told you all about the movie on the way here remember? You're okay with horror right?"

"O-Of course! I have watched halloween alien on elm street like 5 times!" He lied.

Remus chuckled "Sure sounds like it"

They went into the screening room. Ads were running on the big screen. They were the only ones there. Remus found their seats right at the back in a corner. He sat down and triumphantly put his feet on the seat in front of him.

"Look at that snakey! We've got the whole room to ourselves! Only...."

His eyes suddenly stopped and shifted to stare out into air. His happy expression slowly disappeared leaving a hollow look on his face. He moved his legs up to his chest and sat completely still.

".....Only us......"

Janus slumped down in the seat next to his. Remus leaned away in his seat so he was further from his friend.

"Indeed. I could poison you and no one would be here to stop me. But I won't...yet" He hoped a joke would make his love lighten up again.

Remus forced a halfhearted smile "Sure that"

The movie started. Janus was already stress eating popcorn from fear by the time the first scene had ended. Which only made him even more stressed over making Remus think he was a fat gluttonous disgusting mess! Which he was! But he didn't want him to know that!!

Whenever he glanced over to Remus he looked just the same, As if the movie was fucking mamma mia or something.

He didn't want to seem unclassy and close his eyes like a 5 year old so he tried to comb his hair in front of his eyes instead. He couldn't stop his racing heartbeat or his unsteady hands though. He didn't do well to loud sounds. Or screaming voices.

He jumped in his chair at an extra gory scare. The popcorn landed all over his body. His cheeks went red enough to be mistaken for a ladybug.

Remus glanced over at him "You don't have to hide that you're scared y'know. The audience reaction is like half the fun"

"Me? Scared? I haven't felt scared since I buried a body in 1967! This is just how I show my appreciation for movies!" He blurted out the lie in a panic.

His love threw his head back as he let out a loud laugh. He couldn't stop as he buried his head in his hands. His shoulders moved in rhytm to his giggles. It seemed to calm his nerves a bit.

"Holy shit snakey that was such a horrible lie! You're such a dork! I say that with affection I promise"

Janus couldn't help but chuckle along "Dork actually means something really dirty. I know since I was practically married to my dictionary when I was youn-"

"WHALE PENIS! I know!! You're the first one who also knows!"

"I suppose that means we're soulmates now" Janus couldn't help but say it.

"Penis soulmates!"

Janus sighed "Yes"

In the movie a man's torso was ripped from his body. Remus flapped his hands. Janus let out a quiet whimper.

"I could infodump a bit if that would make you less scared"

Janus leaned closer to respond but Remus instantly flinched back. He made sure to keep keeping his distance "I would love to hear"

He shone up into a smile. It wasn't quite as carefree and happy as the other ones but it was still his smile and Janus had caused it. It made him feel warm.

He started rambling about the director's other movies and how the themes tied in with this movie. About how the director had studied to be a doctor so he know enough about biology to make all of the gore extra realistic. About how the movie soundtrack's added to the scare even though they were often silly. All while stimming. Sometimes he went quiet to focus on the film while Janus curled in on himself and closed his eyes.

Honestly Janus could have heard him go on for hours but sadly the movie eventually ended. And they eventually got out of the cinema. And eventually the snacks the shared while sitting on a bench outside also ended. And the conversation died out.

It was only around 5 pm but the sky had already started to darken. The streetlamps were getting lit one by one, and a few people were standing in line for the next movie. Janus feared having to say goodbye.

Luckily he didn't have to as Remus quietly asked "Could you like follow me home? The apartement is only 15 minutes and a minor murder spree away"

"Of course!" He replied a bit too excitedly.

He made sure to not walk too close as to not make him flinch again. Remus started to subconsciously hymm on a song after some time of silence. Janus couldn't stop feeling over the moon at the fact that he was hanging out with someone! And he seemed to like him!! And he was in love with him no less!!!

"Snakey I think I gotta admit something kinda dorky-"

"Is it the murder in 1967? We've all been there"

"Actually it was in 1987. Okay but really.....The only friends I've ever really had has been my sister and my ex, and some online friends here and there I guess but we lost contact really quickly. What I mean is that I'm really rusty on this whole friend thing and I'm just glad that you don't get annoyed by my infodumping or stimming or....or the whole me!"

Janus' eyes widened and he slowly let up into a laugh "Oh! Oh I have been so worried for nothing then! I've never had any friends, at all! This was literally the first time I ever went to a movie with another person! We're the same!"

Remus giggled "We really are penis soulmates!"

"I am begging you to not let that become a thing"

"Too late! It already is! We're both friendless dorks you motherfucker!! Of course we're penis soulmates!"

Janus sighed "I am suddenly so glad we are close to your place so I can get away from you.....That was a lie"

Remus lightly punched his shoulder "Better be. Or else I'd have to kidnap you!"

He stopped in front of a series of building of obviously quite glamorous apartements. Janus was honestly starting to wonder if he had a sugar daddy and or sold drugs. Or else he had no idea how he could afford all of this.

They stopped right in front of the entrance. Remus crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Janus fiddled with his sleeves. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye.

Janus shuly glanced at his love's face. His birtmarks which he so wanted to press kisses to. His fluffy hair he would love to nuzzle into. His full lips which he thought about running his finger over every time he looked at them. He was beautiful. Just beautiful.

"Sooo....I guess I will either see you in hell or in fake therapy next week?" Remus asked.

"For sure"

He awkwardly opened the door "Well I will see you then then!" He did fingerguns "Bye penis soulmate!"

Janus rolled his eyes while waving "Bye.....phallus companion!"

The door closed and he was left in the silence. It took a few second and then

"YES! OH I did it! I survived! Aphrodite would be so proud of me!!"

Janus had to sit down. He was going to explode. He couldn't stop moving his hands around. He was going to pass out. He had never been happier. He deserved a whole soup bowl of ice cream.

He took off his beanie to drag his hand through his hair. He felt breathless from happiness as he stared up at the sky. He had never felt more in love.

He looked at where he imagined you would stand if you had a corporeal body.

"So I suppose your advice worked quite well. It did sound like he wanted to hang out again...So anon....or whatever voice that is in my head that asks me things......Do you have any suggestions on what we should do on our next hangout?"

[nishimochas]

❁﹝ enha!tegories ﹞

‣ ⒈  enhypen as some of my favorite cottagecore-esque songs.

❁﹝ lee heeseung as like the dawn by the oh hellos. ﹞

“ and like the dawn, you broke the dark and my whole earth shook. i was sleeping in the garden when i saw you. ”

light crept through the windows over your slumbering figure, heeseung's eyes steady over your face, studying every curve, angle, every dip and crevice. a sigh escapes him, content, as his fingers brush over your features in a soothing manner. the soft simper he wore blooms into a smile as your eyes begin to flutter open. you share his smile with a sleepy one of yours and snuggle closer to his frame.

"good morning, sunshine."

the moniker is met with a chuckle as he leans in to press a gingerly kiss on your crown. your arms circle his frane loosely, savoring the warmth. heeseung's heart swells when his eyes meet yours. he knows he hasn't yet seen a more beautiful sight, and he doubts such a sight to even exist in earth.

to wake up next to you for all the mornings of his life, to have you as his first sight with each break of dawn – nothing would ever compare.

“ you were the brightest shade of sun i had ever seen. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ jay park jongseong as home by jacob banks ﹞

“ so baby, baby, won't you let me in? i'm knocking on your door so let me in. i just need someone to love, i just need someone to hold. ”

the afternoon had been quaint, pleasant and proper enough for a leisurely nap. you curled up within the blankets as your system drowns out the tv noise, thoughts drifting away. as if in instinct, your hand reaches for the mess of pillows by your side – where jay usually sits, limbs in a tangle with yours as you both doze off. you couldn't hold back a sigh; it wasn't quite like home without him there.

buzz buzz.

you check your phone for the notification. an immediate smile tugs on the corner of your lips upon reading the message.

[ from: jjongddaengie 😎 ]

i'm almost home, baby. wait for me?

and so you set your phone aside and envelope yourself with the soft fabric, fighting the urge to giggle in anticipation. as the white noise of the movie you half paid attention to lulls you to sleep, you enter oblivion in the knowledge that in not very long, jay will come back home and see you as you are. you know you'll be greeted with two arms around your waist and a kiss on the shoulder; and at that moment, you know you'll always find home right where he is.

“ i need someone to kiss goodnight, and to give my heart a home. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ jake shim jaeyoon as coffee by beabadoobee ﹞

“ don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed; i'll make a cup of coffee for your head, i'll get you up and going out of bed ”

nights like these, when it is calm and the winds are gentle, are best enjoyed with a cup of hot coffee. it's become a habit for you jake to lounge on your front porch, each with a steaming cup with hand as you two chat about everything there is under the sun and beyond. this night was not very different; same seat, same sweaters, same mugs, only this time, there was complete silence between the two of you.

you'd expected it to be tense, for an unsettling echo of quiet to descend between you. but much to your surprise, this... this was comfortable.

"jakey?"

"yes, love?"

you breath almost hitches at his answer – no matter how many times he's been affectionate with you, it'll always feel special. different. like there was no other soul in the entire universe who could ever say it the way jake does.

you take a sip from your coffee cup and glance back at him, wearing a proud grin only he could ever give you.

"let's do this more often."

“ won't you come down and get me? i like it when you hold me tight. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ park sunghoon as yellow by coldplay ﹞

“ look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do; yeah, they were all yellow. ”

driving out at such an ungodly hour was, prior to being an impulse, something you and sunghoon have given much thought to. it was only when the two of you were still wide awake after having tried everything that you hopped into the car for your late night escapade. a song you weren't familiar with played in the radio station to fill the silence, but you were far too focused on counting the billboards to notice.

"twenty two... twenty three... ooo look, it's one of those ads about billboard ads–"

you roll down the car window to see further out, still counting under your breath each time you pass one by. he glances to his side and sees you; you two looked so cliche, almost straight out of a music video. he pulled over at an empty park and your displeasure was immediately made known.

"hey, i wasn't done counting..."

sunghoon chuckles from the driver's seat and pulls you in by the wrist, lips pressing softly against your temple in the most delicate of brushes.

"you can go back to counting when i'm done kissing you."

“ your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. do you know i love you so? ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ kim sunoo as strawberry blonde by mitski ﹞

“ i love everybody because i love you – i dont need the city and i dont need proof. all i need, darling, is a life in your shape; i picture it, soft, and i ache. ”

the sun was especially kind today – it's warmth remained watchful over the grass you and sunoo sat on, but through a veil of clouds so as to not be so glaring. the perfect day for a picnic, as he said so himself. he always goes all out for them; whatever you craved for, he had it all. you looked through his basket with a giggle, noticing a few delicacies he doesn't usually bring.

"why macaroons?", you ask while helping him set up the mat and the containers.

"didn't you say you wanted macaroons last week? i thought i should bring some for you! i tried baking them but they didn't turn out very nice–"

his babbling was halted with a macaroon to the mouth, sending you both into a fit of laughter. you'll never get tired of how considerate he is, how much he pays attention to the things you say and how much sunoo truly cares. you popped a strawberry macaroon into your own mouth and rested your temple against his shoulder. now, you couldn't help but wonder: would it have tasted better if he made it?

“ look at you, strawberry blonde – fields rolling on, i love it when you call my name. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ yang jungwon as santa monica dream by angus and julia stone ﹞

“ goodbye to my santa monica dream – fifteen kids in the backyard drinking wine. you tell me stories of the sea, and the ones you left behind. ”

it's nearing three in the afternoon and jungwon's just about finished with helping you pack. he ushers the last suitcase out and into the car where your father waits for you. it wasn't difficult to tell that he was trying to avoid your gaze.

"hey..." you take his hand in yours, making him see you eye to eye. there's something quite crestfallen with how he looked at you; you had to go and pursue your dream away from home, he knew that, and he was happy for you. but you knew him better than that.

"i'll miss you, dork."

he could only give you a little smile, but it was more than enough. you look behind him and see the fridge door, battered with polaroids, receipts and letters. reminders of you, so he'll never forget.

you wave goodbye and so does he, not caring at all to wipe the tear streaking down his cheek. he'd miss you so and you all the same, but no matter where you are, or where you'll go – jungwon knows he'll be dreaming of you each and every night.

“ i'm singing songs about the future, wondering where you are. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ ni-ki nishimura riki as kiss me by sixpence none the richer ﹞

“ nightly, beside the green, green grass. swing, swing, swing the spinning step, you wear those shoes and i will wear that dress. ”

"hurry, we'll miss the fireworks!"

ni-ki half dragged you through the open venue, clad only in socks and you in his shoes with you broken heels in one hand. you could barely hold your laughter; you'd assume the punch had no alcohol, but given how giddy you were, it wouldn't have been surprising if it were revealed to be booze.

"cinderella! wanna get out of here?", he shouted beside you, the sentiment almost drowned out by the cacophony of fireworks and cheer. you took him by the wrist and maneuvered you two through the crowd. he'd figured that was a yes. you two found a cozy nook under the garden tree, spending the rest of the prom night watching from afar and laughing at his dirty socks.

"man, i'm seriously convinced that thing had alcohol in it." he laughs and nods along, peering over for a better view of your face.

"is that why you're so pink, then? drunk blush?"

immediately flustered, you hurry to cover your warm cheeks with two hands. another laugh escapes him – you almost expected him to tease you. but instead, ni-ki takes your hands away from your face, nudging your chin up so your eyes will meet his. you couldn't miss the smug grin he wore even if you wanted to.

"hey, kiss me."

“ lift your open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance; silver moon's sparkling, so kiss me. ”

❁ :: i'm honestly kinda disappointed in this HSHSB brain go brr, but i hope u guys like it 🥺💕 (edit: i really should have proofread this wow)

[farfromparker]

Too Busy Being Yours

Peter Parker x Avenger!Reader

NSFW

Part 2!

Summary: Peter’s had a crush on you since he moved into the Avenger’s compound. He heads down for training one morning and finds out he’s set to be your sparing partner for the next couple weeks. He also finds out he likes the feel of your hand around his throat. 

Warnings: smut, choking kink, sub!peter (Peter is 19!)

A/N: I’m a sucker for sub Peter/Tom so don’t be surprised if this isn’t the last piece like this I write. Also, Infinity War/Endgame? Not in this house!!

Word Count: 4k 

Peter walks into the training compound, gym bag slung over his shoulder and he already knows you’re here. Your tell tale training playlist blasting through the speakers and he finds himself humming along as he approaches the schedule. He slides his finger down the list until he finds today’s date. 

Oh. 

“Tony wanted us to be sparring partners for a couple weeks, said we could learn a few things from each other.” You raise your hands in air quotes over the last part. 

Peter swallows dryly… weeks? 

He looks over to you and watches as you remove your fingerless gloves, a light sheen of sweat coats your forehead. He can see your knuckles are red from where you've been hitting the punching bag. You’re gorgeous. 

“Right, sure?” He meant it as a statement but it comes out as a question. 

You elaborate, “He said I fight dirty and - well you’re obviously a lot stronger than me so,” you shrug. 

It makes sense, you can learn from each other instead of squaring up with someone that has a similar fighting style. On missions, people are going to do whatever they can to take advantage. It makes total sense. Peter’s just having a hard time thinking straight knowing he’s going to be fighting - wrestling with you - daily… for weeks. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” 

“C’mon Parker, I’ll take it easy on you,” you wink at him as you walk past. He bites his lip and falls in line behind you, trying his best to ignore how tight your leggings are around your ass. He fails. 

You stretch when you get to the mats, bending over and Peter drops his head, gym bag slipping off his shoulder and onto the ground. He kneels down and rummages through it for something - anything - to distract himself. He manages to just pull out a towel and set it aside. Nice Peter. 

You’re bouncing up and down now, springing up from the balls of your feet and shaking your arms. He catches your eye and you raise your eyebrows in a silent question. He rolls his shoulders as he stands and makes his way over to you, watching as you bring your hands up closer to your face. 

You circle each other at first as he dodges your first few strikes but makes no attempt to reciprocate. You huff, “You’re not gonna hurt me Peter, I’ve been shot before I think I can handle a broken rib or similar.” 

Peter’s eyes go wide “I’m not gonna break your ribs!”

You land a blow to his stomach and the air leaves his lunges in a rush. You smirk “I know.” 

His eyes narrow. He’s worked missions with you before but he’s never really seen you in action. Tony was right, you did fight dirty.

“That was cheap.” He murmurs, dodging another strike from you before grabbing your arm and flipping you to the ground. This time, it’s your eyes that go wide. “It won’t happen again.” He says leaning over you, smirking. 

He’s able to focus better after that, you aren’t the girl he’s been pining after since he moved into the tower, instead you’re an opponent with a smart mouth. 

9 out of 10 times he gets you pinned and you’re forced to restart but after the fourth round, you’re catching on. He leaves his left flank exposed when he follows through with a punch. You’re getting quicker now, dodging and striking at his weakness. He can feel his ribs bruising from it but the pain doesn’t compare to how much he’s actually enjoying fighting with you. 

He’s bantering with you, spitting smart remarks back in your face. You’re impressed, smirking and laughing and he’s proud he can stand toe to toe with you in that aspect. 

“Tap out” he taunts, you’re pinned underneath him, your wrists in his hands and you’re both panting. 

“No” you retort and he admires your fight. 

He’s about to continue on, count the ways he’s got you beat but before he can, you roll your hips up against him, planting your feet and throwing your weight upward. He’s caught off guard and you take advantage, ripping your hands free as you roll over top of him. 

It happens in the blink of an eye, he’s reaching to grab you back when suddenly your grip is on his throat, your hand tightens and his world shrinks. He gasps, squeezing his eyes shut and desperately tries to ignore the pull in his groin. 

“Fuck, Peter I’m sorry.” As quickly as it came, the pressure is gone. You release him and when he opens his eyes he can see the concern written across your face. You’re kneeling next to him now and he rolls towards you, propping himself up on his elbow. He scrubs a hand across his face. “I was just looking for something to get the upper hand and I didn’t - fuck - are you -“ 

“Y/n I’m fine. Hey, it worked didn’t it? You definitely won that round.” He tries to laugh it off but he can feel how hot his face is, cheeks stained in embarrassment. He hopes you just attribute it to the physical activity. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

He smiles and sits up “I’m Spider-Man, I’ve definitely been through worse.” 

You don’t look completely convinced but you let it slide. “Probably call it a day anyway, we’ve been here almost 2 hours now.” 

“Yeah, good idea.” He agrees, standing and walking over to his gym bag to get his water. 

You hesitate, drumming your fingers against your thigh before walking over to your own bag and flinging it over your shoulder. Peter can see small bruises blooming across your shoulder blades and he feels guilty. 

“Well, I’ll catch you around Parker.” 

“Yeah, see ya.”

He doesn’t really remember walking back to his quarters, his body went on autopilot as his mind went into overdrive. His fingers twitch against his side as F.R.I.D.A.Y. welcomes him back and opens the door. He could still feel your hand on his throat, feel your body on top of his, hear your labored breathing.  He drops his bag on the floor as the door shuts firmly behind him. He pulls his shirt over his head and throws it to the ground before sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. He’s half hard, cock twitching in interest every time his mind plays it over again and he groans. Was this a thing now? He couldn’t distinguish if it was the feeling of your hand around his throat or simply the fact that it was you with your hand around his throat. He’d come to terms a long time ago that he’d be willing to do anything you wanted, if the opportunity arose (it hadn’t) but this - this is something he wasn’t prepared for. 

***

It’s really all downhill from there. His brain is a treacherous bastard and he dreams about you every night, on top of him, hand on his throat, grinding down on his cock. He wakes up sweaty and horny, or worse, already stained with cum. He’s 19 for fucks sake and he’s having wet dreams again like he’s pubescent. 

He has trouble focusing when he’s sparring with you. Mind hazy. You’re getting better no doubt but a couple of landed blows to the face later and Peter starts to weigh the options of a broken jaw or just telling you how he feels and facing complete and utter humiliation.

He walks in one morning some days later, having barely slept again and you’re already there, warming up. You always get there before he does. 

“Peter, I made a new playlist for us. I know you were getting sick of Post.” 

Peter smiles, “Nah, you always have the best playlists, I could never get sick of them.”

You smile brightly at him and point towards your phone, “Play it, I named it after you.”

He smiles, proud to have a playlist named after him on your phone. You’ve always been serious about your music and he likes to be associated with something that truly makes you, you. 

He glances at your phone and it unlocks, you had insisted on adding his face to your phone ID “in case of emergencies” and vice versa and it was another thing Peter was proud to have. Tony had been annoyed, huffing something about F.R.I.D.A.Y just being able to hack in anyway. You had laughed. 

He thumbs over to your music and selects playlists and he sees his name “Parker”…. followed by “Sex” and he stops breathing for a moment. His thumb hovers over the word. You had a sex playlist and he couldn’t stop himself from pressing it. Curiosity getting the best of him as he scrolls through the songs. How often did you listen to this playlist? Had you gotten off to this song? Or that one? Who were listening to this playlist with? 

“Find it?” You ask, startling him. 

“Uh yeah - you uh, you have a sex playlist?” He hates that his voice raises an octave towards the end. 

“Oh of course, don’t you?” 

Should probably have sex more than once to compile a playlist. 

You study him for a second before stepping into his space and scrolling through your phone while it’s still in his hands. “We can listen to it if you want to, there’s some bangers in here,” you wink at him as the music starts. You’re so fucking cool. 

A heavy beat starts out, easy to move to while a guitar strums along. He knows this song but knowing that you’ve possibly had sex to this song? Possibly had an orgasm to this song? It holds new meaning now. 

You square up to him, rolling your neck and he gets into a defensive stance. 

Have you got colour in your cheeks'

You strike first and he blocks, countering with a blow to your shoulder. You step back with a huff before getting back into position. He comes towards you but you dodge him easily, grabbing his wrist and twisting it up against his back. 

I dreamt about you nearly every night this week

He goes to move out of your lock but you hook your foot against his movement, catching him off guard. He tumbles to the ground, arms behind his back. It was sloppy and too easy. You both know it but he taps out anyway.  

(Do I wanna know?)

If this feeling flows both ways

(Sad to see you go)

Was sorta hoping that you'd stay

He can’t focus on fighting with this song in the background. He thinks he sees something different in your eyes as well but he can’t comment on it. Too afraid of the answer. 

Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

You pin him again, straddling his waist this time and he could get out of it. He doesn’t want to though and he hopes you don’t want him to either. A moment of confidence (or stupidity) flows through him and he pulls his hand out of your grasp. You let him easily and he hears the slightest increase in your breathing. He grabs your wrist gently and carefully guides it to his throat. He can’t look you in the eyes anymore, opting to squeeze them shut rather than feel the weight of your gaze. He presses his lips into a thin line as he feels your fingers glide along his skin. 

“Peter..?”

“Please.”

Your fingers dig into the column of his throat and he whines, just a small noise but he knows your hear it. The blood has rushed to his cock and he knows you know. He can feel the heat and weight of you against him and he can’t stop himself from grinding up into you. 

You gasp, and for a moment he’s worried he’s popped this bubble you’ve found yourselves in, but you compose yourself quickly, rocking your hips back down against him and he can’t keep quiet any longer. 

“Y/n” he moans. 

The door to the training compound slams and you quickly pull your hand away from his throat, startled. Peter can’t bare to look at the door but he’s thankful you make no move to get off him, there’s no way he could hide how hard he is without you. He watches your eyes narrow and he has a pretty good idea of who has walked in. 

“Damn y/n, I think you win that round.” Sam’s voice echoes off the walls, somehow louder than the music. Peter has never wanted to kill someone more than right now. 

You flip Sam off as Peter sits up, giving you the cue that you can get off of him, as much as he absolutely does not want that. 

“I always knew she’d be the type to kick your ass in the streets and the sheets.” Bucky says and now Peter wants to die. If more people keep walking in it’s going to be extremely hard - pun intended - to get out of this situation without further damage to his ego. 

His gym bag slams against his shoulder and he looks up to see you looking back at him. Thank fuck. 

“Thanks.” He whispers, the double meaning not lost on you. 

“You only wish I’d whip your ass into shape Buck” the words roll off your tongue easily, almost like you didn’t just have you hand on Peter’s throat. 

“Dream about it every night darling, when you’re done with Peter let me know.” 

He’s joking, Peter knows that but the words sting all the same. 

“Keep dreaming soldier.” The music stops as you disconnect your phone. “C’mon Parker, I’m hungry.” 

Peter’s frozen in place, the sting easing in his chest. He had started coming to terms that this had been ruined, that you’d come back to reality and realized how ridiculous he is and that you’re definitely not interested… but you’re looking at him with that hint of something different he’d seen before. This isn’t over?

“Wait, Pete, shouldn’t you buy her dinner first?” Sam jabs. 

“Fuck off” he retorts, catching up to you quickly and Sam and Bucky are practically cackling but he doesn’t care anymore. Your hand is sliding down his arm as you walk out of the compound and they can joke all they want as long as you keep looking at him like that. 

You don’t say anything as you press the elevator button. The doors open and you both step on. Peter goes to press the ground floor button but you knock is hand out of the way, pressing the button for the top floor, where your quarters are located. 

“I’m not hungry for food Peter.”

He makes a pitiful noise, succumbing to the shift in the air. You have complete control in everything that happens moving forward and Peter couldn’t be more turned on.  

“Shh baby, soon.” You coo, running a hand up to scrape through his hair, tugging lightly and he moans again. “You’re so responsive… I love it. I can’t wait to find out what other noises I can pull from that pretty mouth of yours.” 

He’s positive if you had merely brushed against his dick he’d have cum. 

The doors open and he follows you like a lost puppy toward your room. Once inside, he drops his bag off to the side. He glances over towards you, suddenly extremely nervous.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., active Red Hat protocol, please.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s electronically polished voice sounds, “Activated.”

Peter’s brows furrow, “Red Hat?”

You walk toward him, sliding a hand underneath his shirt when you reach him, “We’re offline. Tony can’t send for us, no one can. And if he tries to override it, F.R.I.D.A.Y. will alert me while sending him down a rabbit hole. We’ll have about 5 minutes from her warning before Stark will force his way in again.” You’re smirking now, toying with the band of his boxers. 

“I’m so turned on right now.” Peter smiles, his tone is joking but he’s completely serious. You laugh, bright and loud. 

“Now, I believe we left off somewhere..?” You smirk, reaching a hand up to wrap around his neck, bringing him in for a kiss. He sighs into you, gripping your hips and pulling you in closer. His lips slip smoothly against yours, tiny noises raising from the back of his throat. 

Moving your hand back down his body, you push his shirt up, pulling away from the kiss as he removes it the rest of the way. He wants to keep kissing you but you have other ideas, pressing a thumb against his jaw to move his head and get access to his neck. He swallows thickly as your breath ghosts over his skin, bringing goosebumps to the surface. 

The silence is killing him and, hoping to distract himself from making more embarrassing noises, he starts talking. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

Your lips press against his skin “I know.” 

Heat settles on his cheeks again but he can’t stop himself from continuing on, “You're amazing, and so sexy. I’ve been dreaming about you.” What?! Peter shut up. 

“Tell me about them.”

He bites his lip, cock throbbing as you open your mouth against his neck, tongue meeting skin. 

“They’re - uh you’re - you have your hand on my throat….” he feels like the rest of the picture should paint itself, you basically acted the rest of it out down in the training compound. 

You’re not satisfied though, humming before your teeth scrape against his neck. He hisses “F-fuck y/n.”

“There has to be more to your dreams, Peter.”

Suddenly, your hand is on his cock, squeezing through the fabric of his joggers and he throws his head back, hitting the wall hard but he barely feels it. The moan that falls out of his mouth sounds pornographic but he’s in no mind to be embarrassed. 

“Y-yes, there's more. You’re on top me, riding me and I - uggghhh.” 

He can feel your lips curl into a smile, feel the pressure of your fingertips on his hips as you push his joggers and boxers down his legs. He kicks out of them as you step away, his body instinctively wanting to follow your heat. Stupidly, he wants to cover himself because you’re still fully clothed and he’s standing there, naked and hard, shy under your gaze. “Lay down Peter.” Your voice is soft, like you can see how vulnerable he feels. 

Peter’s head is swimming, “Right, yeah.” 

He settles down against the pillows and watches as you strip naked. He eyes you hungrily, every curve and fine line of muscle, every scar and mole. He wants to touch you everywhere. He reaches down and squeezes the base of his cock to relieve some pressure. You tsk as you walk toward him “Hands off.” And he immediately let’s go, settling instead on your thighs as you straddle him, wet cunt slipping against his cock and he sees stars explode as his eyes slide shut. 

“Holy shit.” He moans, squeezing your legs, wanting nothing more than to rut up against you. 

“I said,” you grab his wrists and pull them away from your body, “hands off.”

He whines, but does as you command, reaching his hands up and gripping the metal of your headboard. You cock your head, “Don’t break my headboard, I’m kind of fond of it.”

A small laugh slips past his lips, “I’ll do my best but - ughh,” you rock against him, “no promises.”

You lean down over him, lips finding his and he opens his mouth to yours. Your hands slide up his stomach, fingernails leaving small red trails in their wake. You brush against his nipples, earning a small noise from him before your right hand reaches his neck. You pull away, kissing the side of his mouth before pulling back to look in his eyes. He’s flushed, lips shiny and pupils blown.  

“You’re gorgeous Peter.”

He smiles, a deeper flush settling on his cheeks, “You’re more gorgeous.”

You smirk back, “Always the flatterer, but back to that dream you’ve been having.” Your fingertips ghost along his throat. 

He groans, fingers flexing into your headboard. He ruts up against you, cock dribbling precome against his stomach, “Y/n, please.”

“Oh Peter,” your hand clasps around this throat gently, fingertips applying pressure and you slide along his cock. Cockhead rubbing against your clit. You squeeze gently before releasing him, and he sighs, fixing his gaze back on you. 

“More, please.” 

“So polite,” you coo. “And you’ll get more baby boy, but first.” You reach over him and into your nightstand, pulling out a condom. He releases the headboard, intending to take the condom from you but you rip it open with your teeth, cocking an eyebrow at him. His mouth pops open slightly before you kneel up over him, taking his cock in your hand and rolling the rubber down his length. 

You grab his wrists and guide them back to the headboard, “Final warning, Peter. I’ll have to punish you if it happens again.” As much as he doesn’t want to disobey you the thought of what your punishment could entail has his cock twitching. 

Suddenly you’re sinking down on his dick and he whines, “Fuck, oh fuck, please.” He can hear your moans as well, mixing in the air with his noises. Your hand comes back up to his throat, placing your grip on the skin there. You don’t squeeze, opting to just feel the hammering of his heartbeat under your fingertips. 

You’re riding him now, grinding down on him whenever your thighs meet his hips. He can’t stop himself from flexing up into you, “So good, oh fuck - you feel so good.”

“Peter,” you gasp, “need you, touch me.” 

He’s quick to get his hand on your lower stomach, feeling your muscles quiver with each movement. His thumb finds your clit after some mild fumbling and you groan as he starts to rub it. 

“Mmm so good.” You moan, opening your eyes to look down at him. You squeeze gently around his neck and there’s another sharp prick of arousal in his groin. He thumbs at your clit quicker now, the pressure on his neck and cock are catching up with him but he doesn’t want to finish before you do. 

You let go of his throat as you lean back, his cock rubbing up against that spot that has your thighs trembling. He reaches his free hand up to palm at your breast, rolling a nipple between his fingers, mesmerized as you move on his cock. Your walls clench around him and he bites his lip. “Fuck sweetheart, not gonna last much longer with you doing that.” He grits out. 

You moan, “That’s the point baby boy.” 

His hips begin to stutter underneath you and you knock his hand off your clit to replace it with your own. Watching you touch yourself while fucking yourself on his cock is what sends him over the edge. He reaches down for the covers laying underneath him, having enough mind to stop himself from bruising you. He comes loudly, cock pulsing inside you as he pushes his head back into the pillow, exposing his neck to you. He’s riding out his orgasm when feels you flutter around him, overstimulated as a sting of pain mixes with pleasure. 

You’re moaning his name, milking your climax for all it’s worth and his stomach clenches as his cock spills a few final drops of cum into the condom. 

You collapse on top of him, heaving and sticky with sweat. You hum, placing a kiss along his collarbone before raising your head to look at him. You smile at him, “Way better than any fantasy.” 

He sputters, “You’ve been…? You fantasize about this? About me?” 

You place a quick kiss to his lips before lifting yourself off of him. “You thought it was a coincidence that you came across my sex playlist?” You ask as you wink, disappearing into the bathroom. 

Peter smiles to himself, then “Wait, this wasn’t a one a time thing, right?” Does he sound a little desperate and a lot hopeful? Yes. 

He hears you laugh through the thin wall. “Don’t worry about that baby boy, I have a lot of plans for you.” 

***

Tony squints at the screen. The coding where your room is - where your room should be - is gone. He rubs a thumb along his chin. 

“What’s got you so deep in thought?” Bruce asks as he walks around him. 

“Hm? Oh no, nothing. Y/n and spidey have just disappeared.”

“Oh yeah? Good for them, it’s about time.”

“Yeah, yeah right. Good for them.”

Bruce raises an eyebrow at him, studying Tony over the top of his glasses, “You can’t figure out how to bring them back online.”

Tony scoffs, “Of course I can, but what kind of mentor would I be if I cockblocked the kid?”

Bruce laughs, “Keep telling yourself that Tony.”

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 13

Chapter 13 is here. I hope you will like it. The central part has... a very interesting development. As you hoped... Elias arc is reaching its end but I hope you still like him. He is still a teddy bear. Sorry man, ut she is Rowan's.

Rowan uses the expression Tha gaol agam ort. I will let you imagine what it means based on the context. If I tell you know it could be a spoiler.

And... well you have to read it.

__________

Rowan was alone in the shop. He had given Aelin the morning off. At the word disaster he had a feeling she might want some time alone to deal with whatever happened so was happy to spend the morning on his own. He just hoped she was okay. She had told him she was not ready to talk about it yet and he would give her all the time she needed but in the morning as soon as he woke up he had the temptation to text her and check on her. Until a while ago he had never used a mobile phone. Now it was his only way to talk to her when she was not around and since she was the only person who had his number he’d jump every time he received a text from her. He was lost. Utterly and completely lost. Tangled in his thought he did not notice straight away the door open until he heard a familiar voice. He looked up and Elias was standing in front of him and a part of him just wanted to punch the man. Aelin was feeling horrible because of him.

“Good morning,” said Elias in a tone that Rowan did not like. If he was here for a fight, he’s give him one. Rowan was glad that after a busy morning, the shop was all of a sudden empty, he had a feeling that the conversation coming up did not need an audience. The man in front of him finally moved a step closer and reached the counter and braced his hands on it. “So, dear Rowan…” he started with a tone anything but friendly “I guess you are probably aware that my date last night with Aelin was one big failure.” Nervously he began pacing “I spent a whole week looking forward to see her again. To go out with her and have a nice meal. I missed her. Madly.” Then he turned to Rowan and hold his stare “Imagine my disappointment to discover that instead she decided to end things.” “She is her own person. She is the master of her own life and if she decided to end things you have to respect her.” The tone in Rowan’s tone was getting dangerous. “She can do whatever she wants with her life. But you meddled.” Elias’ tone matched the one of the man in front of him. Rowan did not like the comment and had to fight to restrain himself. “She was fine, we were doing fine, getting to know each other, then you had the brilliant idea of offering her such a pathetic job and all goes to hell.” Rowan took a deep breath “I offered her this job because at the moment she is not working and not getting paid so I assumed she might have loved to get some cash in. She has a knack for it. Also, since you are so in love with her you might have noticed that Aelin is obsessed with books.” Rowan fought back “Do you know that the very first day she got her, she came off the ferry and this bookstore is where she came straight on? She is in her element here.” Rowan’s hands were at his sides and now in fists “It might be a pathetic job, as you call it, but she loves it. And she is happy.” “You took her from me.” Blurted Elias who seemed not to have listened a word Rowan said, far too involved in his own pain. “She is this incredible amazing woman I am madly in love with. And I have to give her up. I will respect her feelings. But it’s fucking unfair.” Rowan finally came away from behind the counter and stopped in front of Elias. The man was tall but Rowan was a fairly imposing picture. “I did not take her from you.” He almost growled again “I told you already. She is her own person and she does not need me to make decision for her. I did not put her against you. I gave her the freedom to make her own choice, so don’t make me pass for the bad guy here.” “I love her.” Elias confessed in an almost broken voice. “I love her and all I can think since last night is that I can’t be with her. Do you have an idea how that fucking hurts?” Elias started pacing again “I can make her happy. Give her all she needs.” Rowan stared at the man in silence and could hear the anguish in the man’s words. He was probably just as mad for Aelin as he was. “I will meet with her tonight.” He admitted “we agreed on having a talk to end things in a more civilised way.” Grey eyes met pine green eyes “I want to be friends. Just friends, I swear. I will respect her feeling and her choice and I hope you will allow me that. I can’t loose her completely.” Elias stance relaxed a bit when he noticed Rowan nod. “It’s her choice. I will accept anything she decides. Like you, I have her best interest at heart. She has been through enough.” And his mind went to her confession and wondered if the man in front of him knew as well. Elias breathed out in relief “Thank you. I hope…” he paused for a moment as if to gather his thoughts “I hope you understand your luck. I hope you realise she is incredible and please don’t break her heart or I’ll come back and kick your arse so hard you will reach London by inertia.” “I have no intention of hurting her.” Said Rowan ignoring the veil of arrogance in the man’s words. “Make her happy, please. You win.” And with that he left the shop. Rowan texted her straight away Are you okay?

Aelin arrived in the early afternoon at the shop. After she had quickly told him about her disastrous night he had told her to take the morning off. It was not unusual. The shop tended to be busier in the afternoon and Rowan was always happy to allow her the morning off if she needed it. So she had gone for a run. Sleep had been fitful and she kept going through the fight she had with Elias. It had been horrible and tears were still threatening to make an appearance at the thought of the terrible things they had said to each other. A the selfish part of her though, was happy that it was over. She wanted to tell Rowan her feelings and finally being able to enjoy the contact with him without feeling guilty about cheating on an another man. The run had helped to clear her mind and release part of the sadness that had been building up since the previous night. She saw the morning ferry going out and her mind went back to the adventure she had with Rowan, what had passed between them and the further steps they had taken in their strange relationship. Her phone buzzed and she noticed a text from Rowan asking her if she was okay. Damn she loved him but he could be overprotective. And you love it. Out for a run. I’ll see u l8r. He didn’t reply and she pocketed the phone. She was walking a bit when the phone buzzed again. Why can’t you use full words? I had to search on Google what l8r meant. And Aelin laughed at his reply. He was somewhat adorable. Grandpa. Was all she said back. Music back in her ears and she went back running. She had purchased music from Peat and Diesel and quite a few songs from Runrig as well and it was quite lovely to run along the streets of Stornoway while listening to a song about the town itself. She had become obsessed with those two groups. She finished her run and went straight for a shower once back at home. She had run for a longer distance than usual and she knew she was going to pay for that very soon. Half an hour later she was clean, wore Rowan’s hoodie and left the house.

As soon as she entered the shop, Rowan’s arms were around her. What the heck? “PDA in the shop? Who are you and what have you done with my Mr Grumpy pants?” She joked while leaning into the embrace. “Are you okay?” She could hear worry in his tone. Why was he being weird? “Yeah.” She replied pulling back from him. “Elias was here this morning.” He confessed. Shit. That explained his behaviour. “Ro, is he still alive?”she demanded looking at him quizzically “I know I have ended things with him but it would be nice to have him alive as a friend.” “We had a chat and he told me the gist of what happened last night.” He looked away and she had a bad feeling “Aelin, if you want him… I will understand.” “I want you.” She finally admitted but he was not looking at her. Why was he being such an idiot? As if what had been happening between them was not a sign where her true feeling lay. “Maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you should just leave me alone. I am just a book boy after all.” He added, through gritted teeth. “I can’t Rowan.” She moved a step in his direction until she was in front of him. She looked up at him and the pain in his eyes was too much. Was he really willing to give her up? Another step toward him and she was glad that he did not move away from her. Her chest was now brushing his. Her hand searched for his and held it. “Ro, look at me.” And he did. “I made my choice.” Her voice was soft and full of love for him. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on his lips “I want you.” She kissed him again and this time she got a reaction from him. In an instant she felt his arms lift her up and in reply she wrapped her legs around him. He never broke the kiss and they reached a hidden corner of the bookshop where Rowan pinned her against the bookcase. So much for boring. Aelin’s arms had sneaked around his neck and know her fingers were knitted in his hair pushing his face as close as possible to hers. She did not need oxygen. It was overrated anyway. She needed his lips on hers, his hard, beautiful body crushed against hers. Rowan’s mouth followed a path with maddening slowness from the lips, to her jaw and now was very busy nibblink at that amazing spot between neck and shoulder. A moan escaped her and in response his tongue was now tracing the column of her neck. Gods his lips were like heaven. And she was already on fire. When his mouth returned to hers, she fully opened up to him, letting his tongue do devilishly things to her. Heat began to pool at her core and her brain decided to picture that skilful tongue of his on other parts of her body. “Ro…” and Rowan had decided he loved his name on her lips. “Gods you taste amazing.“ His hips pushed her harder against the bookcase and Aelin throw her head back and exposed her neck a bit more. Another push of his hips and Aelin this time she felt him against her abdomen. She was about to point out their location when one of his hands gently palmed her breast and she forgot even her name. The touch was gentle but enough to send her reeling. “Ro…” she called him breathless “We are in the shop and we are open.” He stopped abruptly and it took him a moment to regain control. “I should have kissed you earlier.” She joked, pulling him to her, she was not ready yet to be separated from his body. He looked at her still with a shocked face “I am sorry…’ he ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of confusion. Aelin closed the distance and kissed him again “It was perfect.” Rowan grinned “I have been thinking about it for a while now. What I would do if I would get to kiss you.” He stooped and kissed her again and with his hands he caressed both side of her face. She looked at him and in his eyes she noticed all the love that he finally allowed himself to feel for her. The passion was burning and she ran a hand through his hair never averting his gaze. “I love you, Rowan.” She whispered, almost afraid to say those word too out loud and break the magic they have been sharing. She caressed his cheek and her gaze followed the lines of his beautiful face “I want you. I choose you. I am yours, if you let me.” Rowan was stunned for a moment. She had made her choice and she had chosen him and he was stunned by the fierceness she used to utter them. Then he bolted as if he had awaken all of a sudden from a daze. He ran to the door of the shop, turned the sign to close, locked the door and switched off the lights. He ran back to Aelin and lifted her again and with her completely wrapped around him he walked to his office and placed her sitting on his desk. Aelin did not loose a second and grabbed the back of his neck and closed the distance again, feeling the need of his lips on her again. His hands stroked her back almost reaching her butt, then slowly climbed up to her sides while his thumbs gently brushed the underside of her breasts. He moved between her legs, definitely removing any space between them. Her hands trailed own his body and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off him then pulled back a little and stared at him. He was stunning and definitely the body of an athlete. A hand splayed open on his chest feeling the shape of his muscles, continuing to his broad shoulders, reaching the behind him and she took him the expanse of his back. His eyes were closed and was clearly enjoying her touch. A finger traced some of the lines of his tattoo, then her mouth and tongue was on his chest. His skin was soft and somehow she could taste his smell of pine and snow. Both hands reached his abdomen feelings his rock stomach below her fingertips. “When we have more time I want to lick every centimetre of you.” And while her mouth restarted the climb to his neck, a hand brushed the top of his jeans in a teasing motions and she felt his shudder. “You are amazing…” and in response his hands knitted in her hair and claimed her mouth again in a desperate need to taste her again. Aelin grabbed her t-shirt and in a swift motion she threw it on the floor with his. He stopped to look at her, and she heard him gasp. Rowan thought she was a goddess. His hand very gently brushed the top of her breasts with the back of it, “you are gorgeous.” In a maddening slow motion, his fingers traced the full shape of them and once he was done, while he palmed one of her mounds he used his thumb to gently lower the fabric of her bra and expose her now hard peaks. His mouth was on it in seconds, sucking and nibbling and Aelin let out a moan and the sound was almost his undoing. “Tha gaol agam ort.” He finally admitted to her while he moved away from her chest and gently climb back up to her mouth. “Tha gaol agam ort.” He repeated a second time. His hand at the back of her neck crushed their mouths together again. “Say it again.” Breathed against his ravenous mouth. “Tha gaol agam ort..” Aelin had an idea she knew what he had just said. It was one the 6things she had looked up. She was planning to surprise him and use the Gaelic but in the end her mind was so occupied with other stuff that she had said the words in English. Aelin looked at him, blue eyes meeting green and she got closer to him again until she felt his hand moved to the front of her jeans. She slightly opened her legs to allow him access and even with the fabric between his fingers and he bare skin it was enough to make her moan loudly and when he applied some pressure on her sensitive spot she thought she was going to crack open. “Rowan…” she begged him. “I love your name on my lips…”his thumb made her jerk and at the same time his mouth went back torturing one of her nipples. “Where…” her brain had disconnected and it was a miracle she remembered her name. Barely “Where else would you like my lips…” she teased him as soon as she was able to utter a full sentence. His only response was a kiss that was seeping mad need for her and she wished they could just cross the last line. He took her hand and brushed against the swell of his trousers. With a wicked finger Aelin traced his length and all she could imagine was him inside her and how he felt. She went to unbutton his jeans but his hand grabbed her wrist and stopped her. “Not in my office. Not like this.This is not right.” He was breathless and his accent all of a sudden was heavier and Aelin thought he sounded even sexier. Aelin glared at him at his remark. “I didn’t mean this,” indicating at the two of them. “I mean this. My office. This was amazing, but what I have in mind does not involve my horrible office and a desk.” And she understood what he meant and smiled at him fondly. Shock hit him when she took both of his hands and placed one each on her breasts “Fine. But just so you know, these are now yours. You can play with them whenever you want. But my two girls here, like to be worshipped.” Rowan roared in laughter “I will do my best to please all of you.” And kissed both of her breasts and then her mouth for emphasis. “And where would you like it to happen?” And it was her time to provoke him. And while she waited for an answer she resumed kissing his wonderful upper body. “A romantic getaway.” He finally said, with his hands back in her hair “We would have a cottage with the fire on. Outside is snowing. And you and I spend the day in bed, doing this, and much, much more.” “Is this a promise?” “Tha.” They made out for another half an hour and then Aelin came up for breath and jumped off the table. “Let’s reopen the shop.” Quickly she grabbed her discarded t-shirt and got dressed again and Rowan did the same. Before leaving Aelin took his hand. “I am all yours, Buzzard.” “To whatever end, Fireheart.” He replied before stealing another kiss.

It was later in the evening when she did manage to meet with Elias. He had been held up at work and he was on his way now but later than expected. She had ordered some food. She was starving and very likely so was he. She was finishing plating the food when the doorbell went off. Quickly she went to the door and opened it. He was standing there in his suit and he was looking stunning as his usual. “Come in.” He removed his shoes and followed her inside “I smell food.” “Yes.” She smiled at him and they finally got to the living room and he noticed the coffee table all set up with a bottle of wine in the middle and the plates full of wonderful food. “We didn’t get to enjoy or dinner last night, so I went to pick up food from the restaurant and tadaaa.” She opened her arms and pointed at the dinner. “You didn’t have to.” “Yes, I did. Plus, talking while enjoying some amazing food is much better.” He sat down on the pillows she had arranged around the table while she took her place on the opposite side. Elias grabbed the bottle of wine and filled their glasses. “To friendship.” He said lifting his glass to her. “To friendship.” She replied clinking her glass against his. “Aelin…” but she stopped him. “No, let me go first.” He nodded and took a bite of his food. “I am sorry. When I moved here I was positive I was done with men and all that. I was not expecting to find myself torn between two wonderful men in such a short time. It was overwhelming and also one of the reasons for my panic attacks.” She explained while tasting her food “before Rowan and I began to become friends I had a thing for you.” Having a whole day to think properly about her explanation had helped “But then things changed. All of a sudden I was drawn to him. If we were in a fantasy book, the author would be calling us soulmates. Of course it’s the real world but still… what I felt and feel for him is… strong. As if his soul resonates with mine.” She stopped and sipped a bit of her wine “please don’t laugh.” Elias shook his head and smiled “I am not. And I think it’s a good description.” And took another bite of his food “Fine. I am a hopeless romantic. I love a good mushy story.” Aelin laughed then her expression turned serious again “What I meant is that I didn’t intend to cause all this. I had no intention of misleading you or hurt you. I was just confused and I was not sure if Rowan returned the feelings. And I am sorry.” He place a hand on hers “Stop apologising.” He told her tenderly “I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt. Because it does. A lot. But hey, I am the guy who laughs at his own divorce, it will pass.” He grabbed some fries and dipped them in ketchup “All I want you to know is that I care about you. You are incredible and you kinda stole my heart that day on the beach. But at least I know that you are dumping me because you really love the other guy and not because he makes more money than me.” And the two of them laughed at the joke. He really loved to make fun of his divorce and she wondered when she would reach that stage when Chaol’s betrayal would stop stinging. “You are amazing, intelligent and caring. I loved every single moment I spent with you. I had fun. A lot. You made me feel welcome in a brand new place and I am so grateful.” She looked in his eyes “you looked after me after my panic attack and made me super sweet chamomile tea.” She squeezed his hand back “I am grateful and I treasure every moment we had together.” “More wine?” He asked. “Yes, please.” She offered him her glass to be refilled “Dinner was wonderful. I am glad we did manage to eat. Last night I was also pissed that I did not get to finish my wonderful meal.” “That place really does wonderful food and I love the fact that the fish they use is whatever gets landed in the morning.” “I was in Lochinver and I tried the famous pies.” “You went to the Larder. That place is an institution. Every time I go north and pass Lochinver I always stop for lunch and on my way back I stop and I stock up in pies.” Aelin smiled and was happy that they were talking normally again. She had not liked the drama from the night before. He did not deserve her hate. “Elias?” “Yes?” “What does mo chridhe mean?” He spoke Gaelic, she could ask him. “It’s a term of endearment. It means my heart.” Aelin’s heart raced and her mind went back to the moment Rowan had used it with her. “Why?” “I just…” she had to lie now “I heard a mum tell it to her kid and I was just wondering. That’s all.” “My mum still uses it with my father. They have been married for a very long time and they are still madly in love. I think it’s their fault if I am such a hopeless romantic.” Aelin grinned while he finished polishing off his plate. She was sure one day he would make a woman very happy. He was a wonderful man. They chatted over wine and now empty plates for a while longer, then Elias stood. “Hey, it’s getting quite late and I have work again tomorrow and I had a very long day. Do you mind if I get back home, I have a bit of a drive.” He explained and started moving to the door. Aelin followed him “No, no absolutely.” Then she took his hand “Thank you for tonight, for understanding. For everything.” He moved a step closer to her and his hand cupped he cheek “I would have loved to be the one you chose, but truth is, I just want you happy. Even if it’s not with me.” He closed the distance and his arm went around her waist “But it would have hurt even more to know that you were with me and not happy.” His other hand brushed her hair behind her ear. His thumb traced her lips “You have an amazing smile and I want to imagine that he can make you laugh more than I possibly could.” He kissed her forehead “Are you happy with him?” “Yeah.” Aelin’s voice was barely audible. He pulled her to him and held her tightly and Aelin hid her face in his neck “Don’t feel guilty. It’s not that we are adding another divorce to our list.” He added as a joke. She pulled back and laughed an he did the same. “In a fantasy book I would probably be the first love interest that ends up dying tragically.” She gave him a smile “Or you can be the kind of guy who is the loyal friend. The main female character finds her true mate but she can’t let the first man go, so they build a strong friendship.” “I would love that, so very much.” This time it was her turn to brush her hand through his hair “You are a wonderful man, Elias. I truly think so.” “And you can text me while you are reading books.” She said to him “Good, because now you have me hooked on some cool stuff and I need someone to talk about it and none of my friends and colleagues are into books.” “What are you reading?” “I started The cursed kingdom last night. I spent today at work thinking about it and I blame you, young lady.” Aelin laughed “that is a good one. Just…. Have wine ready.” “Will do. Now if you’ll excuse m’lady, I have a hot date with a my bed.” She opened the door but stopped. “Elias…” “We are good, Aelin. I promise.” He took her hand in his and kissed it. Then waved her goodbye and got into his car. Aelin stood in the doorway until his car disappeared in the traffic, then closed the door and go back inside.

She grabbed her phone and texted Rowan. I am yours, mo chridhe. A moment later came his reply. Tha gaol agam ort.

[captainsolare]

Confessions - Denki Kaminari

Summary: You have a hopeless crush on your classmate Denki Kaminari; Unfortunately, confessing your feelings doesn’t go according to plan. 

A/N: the punch quote is from a prompt list @promptlywritingideas​ wrote! I tried to make this as gender-neutral as possible so I hope it worked out well :) 

Word Count: 1,968

Tags: None that I can see? Please let me know if I need to tag anything!

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Music played as you laid on your bed, feet kicking in the air as you hummed along to the love song that was currently playing. You rolled over, hugging a pillow to your chest as you tried to imagine what it would be like if you were hugging Denki Kaminari instead. You stole a glance at the Polaroid you’d sneakily taken of him and squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, What would he think if he knew? 

There was a knock on your door and Uraraka appeared in your doorway, rolling her eyes and giving you a pointed look when she realized what you were up to. You turned the music down and sat up, pouting at your friend. “I know what you’re thinking but it’s not what it looks like.” You protested. 

Uraraka joined you on your bed, sitting cross-legged across from you. “I know exactly what you’re thinking. You like Kaminari but for some reason, you think it’s ‘utterly hopeless’, even though you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” She said, adding air quotes to emphasize the words utterly hopeless. You gave her an incredulous look but it quickly turned into a sigh. She was right, you absolutely did think it was hopeless. Kaminari was all over the other people in the class, the girls especially, but he acted differently around you, almost like he was nervous to be in your presence. 

“Well, what do you think I should do then?” You said, rolling the corner of the pillow in between your fingers. Uraraka noticed your nervous habit and gave you a comforting pat on the hand. “Personally, I think you should tell him.” You felt your eyes nearly pop out of your head, “Tell him?! No way!” You protested, heart beating faster at even the thought of admitting your feelings. 

Uraraka tipped her head to the side, preparing to ask you a difficult question. “Let’s put it this way, how would you feel if you didn’t tell him and he moved on? How would it feel to see him with someone else, every single day of that relationship? To see someone else making him happy, all because you didn’t tell him?” 

You sucked in a breath and tried to ignore the tears pooling in your eyes, unprepared for a question like that. You put your arms to the side to support you as you leaned back, opting to look at the ceiling instead of trying to face her, you don’t think you could right now. “If he’s happy, I’ll be happy for him.” Uraraka knew that was a lie, but she didn’t press the issue. She simply placed a comforting hand on your knee, “Just think about it, okay? No matter what happens, you know I’ll be here to support you.” You felt the bed shift as she got up, and you watched her slip out of your bedroom. She momentarily popped her head back in to tell you goodnight, “Goodnight friend!” You called, then the door shut, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You slumped back onto the bed, love songs still playing softly in the background, and thought about what Uraraka had said. How would you feel? You hadn’t really thought about it if you were being honest, you were too caught up in the feelings of panicking whenever he looked your way, and your heartbeat speeding up as you caught a glimpse of his smile, especially when it was directed at you; you had kind of hoped these feelings would last forever, the awkward yet fun feelings of having a crush, but, you frowned, if someone else was in the picture, you’d be forced to confront the more uncomfortable feelings; the ones revolving around getting over someone. 

You glanced at the picture on your wall again, you’d snapped it on one of your class beach trips, he was on a rocky outcrop with a beaming smile on his face. You had no idea if he knew about it or not, if he did he hadn’t said anything, and you were content to act like it was a secret. Your heart panged at the thought of someone else being with him, holding hands with him, going on dates with him. The thought of someone being all touchy with him during class burned in your chest. Maybe I should tell him… 

For the next few days, you brainstormed ways and places to potentially tell him, but it seemed like the universe was not on your side in this endeavor. By a stroke of luck, you two were picked to go get the groceries together, and you tried to tell him while you were waiting for a train to pass, but just as you began to speak the train came barreling through, drowning out confession #1. You saw your second chance when you caught sight of Kaminari sitting on the couch, the common room empty. You sat on the ottoman across from him and said what you needed to say, when he didn’t respond you started to tear up, but then he pulled an earbud out of his ear, “Oh hey Y/N! Did you say something?”  “Nope! Not a thing!” You replied, standing up and quickly running upstairs to your room. When you arrived, you leapt onto your bed and screamed into your pillow. Foiled by earbuds? Seriously?! 

Your third chance came during a rainstorm, you had both forgotten your umbrellas and were huddling under an awning together as you waited it out. You cleared your throat and started to confess but of course, a huge crack of thunder hit at that exact moment and drowned you out. 

Several more attempts were foiled, his phone was on mute, your love letter had gotten lost in the mail, your text failed to deliver, he seemed to be missing every single hint you were giving him. “This is hopeless! The universe hates me!” You complained to Uraraka that night, your frustration mounting. You glared as she giggled at your plight. “I’m sure it’ll work out eventually, maybe you just have to keep trying.” Your shoulders slumped, “Yeah I guess you’re right.” 

During training one afternoon, you saw another chance, he was taking a quick water break. “100th time’s the charm.” You muttered. and walked over to join him. “Hey, Kaminari?” You asked, gulping down your nervousness, and a bit of your pride. “Yeah, what’s up?” He asked, wiping the sweat from his brow. You nervously wrung your hands, trying your best to make eye contact with him. “Uh, can I talk to you about something?” You asked nervously. Before Kaminari could answer, Sero was calling him over to help him with something. “I’m really sorry but can it wait?” You gave a quick nod, and he dashed off, you watched after him for a moment, then grabbed a drink of water. 

Uraraka surreptitiously came up to you, under the guise of taking a water break. “How did it go? Did you get to tell him?” She asked in a loud whisper. You shook your head, “Sero interrupted before I could.” Uraraka clenched her fist, “Stupid Sero.” You shrugged your shoulders, “Maybe this isn’t meant to be.” “Maybe what isn’t meant to be?” Kaminari asked, making a sudden reappearance at your side. You jumped, hand on your chest as you whirled to face him. You quickly recovered, seeing his concerned face. “Oh. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” You said, luckily Aizawa gave you an out of this potentially awkward conversation by calling you over to discuss your training. Kaminari looked at Uraraka confusedly, his glance seemed to ask why you were acting so weird but Uraraka only shrugged, it wasn’t her place to reveal your feelings for him.

That night, you decided to go out into the woods for a good cathartic screaming session. “Why the hell do I have to have a crush on KAMINARI?!” You yelled at the top of your lungs. Unbeknownst to you, Kaminari was on a night run jogging past the spot you were at that same moment. Thoughts raced through his mind, I think I recognize that voice? But I’m not sure. 

He picked through the forest, trying to find the mysterious person who apparently had a crush on him. He was surprised to find you in the middle of the clearing, he certainly didn’t expect you of all people to have a crush on him. You looked up when you sensed the presence of another person and you felt your heart stop when you realized it was Kaminari standing there. Quickly wiping the tears of frustration from your eyes you feigned a smile, “Oh hello Kaminari. What brings you here tonight, haha?” 

He tentatively picked his way over to you, and stood before you awkwardly, “Um, well I was out for a run and Uraraka told me to keep an eye out for you since you hadn’t come back yet, and then I heard screaming so I… came over.” You shut your eyes in embarrassment, I’m going to kill her.  “Ah, so you heard that? Don’t worry about it, gotta run!” You tried to run away but he grabbed the back of your shirt to stop you. You froze in your tracks at the contact, but you didn’t turn around, you felt you couldn’t face him. “Did you mean it?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. You slowly turned around, but you looked at your feet, not wanting to see the look on his face. You gave him a small nod, a few tears falling to the earth below. “Can you say it again? That you have a crush on me? I just want to make sure I’m not dreaming.” 

You looked up sharply, this was not the reaction you were expecting, but you humored him; though your heart was pounding and you still had no idea how he felt. “I-- I have a crush on you Kaminari. I have, for a while now.” You admitted. Kaminari took a deep breath, “Look,” He began, and you shut your eyes, preparing for the impending rejection you thought for sure was coming. “I- I think I like you too. You make my brain go all ‘wheyy’.” He finished, doing an impersonation of how he was when his brain was fried by his quirk. You just stared at him, unable to formulate your thoughts into words. 

“If I kissed you right now, would you punch me? Because I really want to kiss you but not if you’re going to punch me over it.” His question sent your head spinning and your heart into a flurry of cartwheels. You nodded breathlessly, and to your surprise, Kaminari merely planted a kiss on your forehead. 

You blinked at him, confused. He saw your look of confusion and gave you a small smile, a blush painting his cheeks, “I just don't want to mess things up by going too fast. You’re too important to me.” You returned his smile, finding his nervousness endearing. “Well, can we start by walking to the dorms together? And maybe going out this weekend?” He nodded enthusiastically, intertwining his hand with yours. 

You walked back to the dorm, the stars lighting your way. When you opened the door, still holding hands you were met with a chorus of the girls cheering and various “awws!” You searched the group frantically and finally saw Uraraka at the top of the stairs. “Uraraka! I’m going to kill you!” You yelled, dropping Kaminari’s hand and running after your friend as she dashed away. “Should I be concerned?” Kaminari asked, sweat forming on his brow. “I dunno man, you’re the boyfriend, not me,” Sero said, elbowing him in the side. Kaminari turned, a beaming smile on his face, “Oh, I guess I am, aren't I?”