#I dont speak for all ace aro people of course though these are just things Id like to see

[katyspersonal]

thank u for pointing out the unfair finlenia stances in the fandom..a lot of people dont get that not liking a ship is sometimes a taste thing and not bigotry. i personally hc malenia as demi and i like to imagine she kept a professional relationship with her soldiers but finlay was a big admirer. i dont want to get hate for this take though

Aww anon come here;

I'd love to say that disliking a ship is always a taste, not "sometimes", but... well, some people who are invested in shipping will prefer only straight ships and consider gay ones "sin"/degeneracy/whatever led them to it. I haven't run into this sort of fans in a VERY long while but I doubt they went 100% extinct.

Nonetheless, it IS important to not instantly assume the worst about the person just because they don't share the vision of the ship that the 'cool kids' of the fandom decided is canon! Even if initial concern comes from a 'reasonable' place (like not wanting those conservative bigots to shame people in the fandom), this sort of fear and alertness ALWAYS ends up hurting waaaaaay more innocent people than it punishes the guilty ones! This principle applies not just to fandomry discourse of course but everywhere; being hyper-alerted and always set on detecting the enemy just inevitably turns you into THESE guys:

(In case if you don't know of Bloodborne, these guys are pretty much the mentality and reflection of what happens when you become so paranoid you'll rather have many innocents executed than "risk to let a beast slide", super smart and striking portrayal of our clown world ssdhfhds All this to say is that I do not DEhumanise these haters, I know where it came from but I still disapprove of this culture of reactive paranoia)

Okay enough with my ENTP bullshit and back on the subject; aro/ace spectrum Malenia headcanons are valid! As well as your suggestion about her keeping professional distance with her knights. For example, it is reasonable to assume that she felt guilt since all her Knights inflicted inevitable decay on themselves to stand by her side:

What if Malenia had emotional barrier, if not deep guilt for existing, that no amount of Finlay's convincing that she wanted this fate could break? What if the issues Malenia developed through life of both idealisation and demonisation (both are dehumanising) made her push someone, especially a subordinate, away upon assuming they "don't know what they want"? What if she is afraid of relationship because, since Scarlet Rot can sprout stronger in reaction to emotional pain (as we seen from Millicent blooming if she was betrayed), Malenia is scared shitless to harm another person or herself should relationship ever cause deep pain? Or what if Malenia forsaken considering relationship altogether because she identifies as 'blade of Miquella' and is not willing for any bond to become more important than that (and someone can expect romantic love to eclipse familial one, it depends on the perspective).

There are many directions to take in either why Malenia might not love Finlay, love but not want to date Finlay, or not love/date anyone. Why she either can't or doesn't want to! I have a couple of two other mutuals who are scared to tell anyone they don't 'see' Finlenia because even a deep analysis of the character will be received as attempt to "invalidate a representation"! One of them also thinks Malenia ships don't work period because it's hard to let romantic feelings bloom under so much physical and mental illness, speaking from perspective of a person with physical disabilities and severe depression themselves! Also a very valid perspective! Again, do we then want to argue about whose projected experiences "deserve" validation and whose don't? The hell we do :/

In the end of the day 1) fandom is not a majority rule and thus they can't just "collectively decide" how to interpret canon that IS left open to different interpretations, especially using problems like bigotry as an excuse or even weaponizing their identities. What will happen if a lesbian saying the heretics that don't ship Finlenia are all homophobic meets a lesbian that also doesn't ship it? I don't wanna know. 2) culture of reactive paranoia is bad, let's NOT become Yharnam Huntsmen

[9r7g5h]

I have come to the conclusion that none of this happened. Liam properly hid his magic, Amethar was crowned Emperor and quickly set up a council to run the country, and everyone's alive and dandy. Caramellinda was called to come join her husband, and she's able to get over her mistrust of the outside world to join up with Primbalina to become an awesome duo ruling the country, with Amethar as their front and hype man.

Jet and Ruby stay in the capital with their parents for a bit longer, during which Jet and Anabelle begin a whirlwind romance. It doesnt start that way, it starts as just hero worship from Jet and Anabelle agreeing to train her, but they spend more time together and become closer and closer until one day Anabelle pins Jet against the wall with her sword, and one second they're trading barbs about how the other fought, and the next they're making out in the otherwise empty room. They make no promises, come to no agreements, and dont even talk about things for a long while, only having fantastic make out sessions after each training.

Ruby spends her time secretly learning magic from Theo and Lapin and even Liam, soaking up everything she can. When her sister goes off for her "training sessions" (which she totally knows is just code for making out with Anabelle. She's slightly jealous, because she did technically see Anabelle first, but overall she's just glad her sister is happy), she wanders around the capital with the Tart Guard in tow, looking for something to keep herself entertained. She eventually finds a performance troupe, and finds herself falling into her own kind of love. Both with the physics defying stunts the performers are doing, and with a young fructarian, a non-binary peach. The two of them become close friends, the romance that will blossom between them on the slower side, especially because of their differences in status. But Ruby is second in line, and she's happy with taking her time, just excited to see their smile and feel the warmth of their hand in her own.

Liam is always so confused about what he's supposed to be doing on the council, and half the time he just accidently offends people. It doesnt help that he gets another letter from his brothers, claiming that he's fully turned against the family by joining their enemies. But he like Amethar and Jet and Ruby more then his father and brothers, so he just shrugs and waits for someone to tell him what to do. And after a long talk with Caramellinda, they figure out the perfect position for him - Master of the Harvest. Usually a position that goes towards one of the more plant based people, its agreed upon that his knowledge of seeds, of all types, greatly surpasses those of many others, especially for his young age. So he's given a group of guards who understand the magic of druidcraft (which Brennan did say was allowed) and sent off on missions to inspect the crops from each region, returning frequently with reports and his bag full of seeds to show off to his favorite cousins. He has a brief engagement with Primsey, but she's too in love with her lost beu, and he's honest with the fact that he doesnt want to have sex and so wont be able to give her kids. She fully accepts that, and they still stay great, amazing friends. He's always welcomed in her home in the Dairy Islands. Eventually, while it's just him and Preston and his guards for a long while, he does find a kindred spirit in a meat person, a Turkey druid who also doesnt want romance or sex but would love to be held and loves seeds. They strike up a very quick friendship, and soon become the closest either will ever be to a couple. Best friends, traveling the world to look at seeds, holding hands cause they're both aro ace and dont care if people think they're gay.

Lapin manages to keep his secrets from the world at large, though his companions all know the truth, eventually. He works in secret to undermine the Bulb, and allow other religions to sneak their way into being acceptable again. It takes a long time, but eventually he succeeds, in a fashion. The Bulb is still seen as the supreme god, but the Sugarplum Fairy and the Carnivorous Creatures and all the others we dont know about are more seen messengers of the Bulb. Holy in their own right, fighting against The Hungry One in their own right, made of and from the Bulb, if not the Bulb themselves. The true believers of these other religions just roll their eyes and nod, but hey - its progress, and the magic granted by these other beings slowly beings to sink back in and return to Calorum. Lapin is able to eventually relax into his true passion - arguing with that dumb brute of a body guard and teach the future children.

Speaking of the brute, Theo continues to enjoy his job. He loves being a guard, loves training other guards, and when they're still at the capital, he loves training Ruby and Jet. When they're gone, he throws himself into training everyone else, and honestly enjoys himself. He is a war guy, though he's fully adapted to peace, and is just happy to see how the word continues to prosper. When he's not working, he fight with Lapin, drinks and plays games with Amethar, and goes on long walks with Sprinkle. He's an old man, gets to be Lapin's age, though their advanced ages doent stop either of them from constantly going at each other, and just enjoys his life in the capital. He sometimes regrets not having his own family, but the remembers that he does, they're just named the Rocks.

Going back to where we left off the Rocks, rules of Candia, soon enough ways must be parted. Liam's gotten used to saying goodbye to Ruby and Jet, so when its decided that Jet must return home and take up the mantal of Queen, its not hard for him. It is for everyone else, though. Theo is torn about letting this little spitfire go home alone, and Lapin is sure she needs at least another decade of schooling before she'll be ready. Caramelinda is of the same mind, and would go back to continue ruling instead if she wasnt so integral to ruling the rest of the world. Amethar is sure Jet will do fine, she's great, but this is his little girl. He's had to leave a few times, yes, but she's never had to leave him. It's hard.

And Ruby. The two talk for a long, long time, but eventually decide to part ways. Just for now, of course, nonetheless, they have different paths to walk. Ruby is starting a life here in the capital, with their parents and her peach datemate, and it really seems like the circus thing is going to stick. And in court, the few times she's sat in on a meeting, she's been able to provide the common point of view, which has been severely lacking. She likes being helpful, in a non-stressful kind of way. And so, even though she knows Jet needs to go take her place as Queen of Candia, she wants to stay.

And Jet is hurt, because she's the only one in the family who has to leave, and she at least thought Ruby would come with her. But, instead of trying to force her, or find a way to stay, Jet, instead, hits the books. She begins searching through everything she can, putting off her return one more week ("I guess Cal has a decent hold on things for the moment," Emperor Amethar agreed when she told him her plans) to find what she needed. And what she needed was a long distance messaging spell, that Lapin helped to modify. A tether between the two, one they could open at any time, to allow them to speak to each other whenever they wanted. A twin messager, if you would, that allowed them to always be with each other.

That done, Jet said her goodbyes to her family, and went to say her lost goodbye to the woman who has stolen her heart. Only to find her gone, Captain Anabelle Cheddar's ship having set sail in the middle of the night. She kept a straight face, though the moment she was on the road, alone besides the Tart Guarda and the Imperial Soliders her dad had sent with her, Jet opened the channel with Ruby and cried.

It was a rough week of traveling. Not because of any danger, no, it was smooth on that front. But because for the first time in her life, she was going to be alone. It was easier, having Ruby to still talk to, to pass along messages to their parents and friends, but still, it hurt to not have an actual hug when her heart was breaking.

It hurt so bad, she didnt notice the strange ship at port when they passed through their one town that accessed the ocean, only a day's meep ride away from the castle. She didnt notice the strange visitors who joined the crowds there to welcome her home – she was so focused on keeping an excited face.

She only noticed when she entered the throne room, calling for Cal, the only adult figure currently in her life who could give her a hug and promise everything was going to be ok.

Only then did she notice Captain Anabelle Cheddar, playing with a knife as she sat on her throne, ignoring the guards who were trying to scold her. Anabelle, who looked up as Jet entered, and greeted her with a giant smile, welcoming and excited to see her. Anabelle who stood, walked over, and pulled her into a long, deep kiss.

Both of them would soon come to reconsider their positions on marriage, if they could marry the woman next to them. Lapin would get to work, poking and prodding the church to make it allowed, and with Amethar blessing this union, they made it work.

And Amethar? Being Emperor was hard, though less so with support. He learned how to show Caramelinda that he appreciated her, learned how to be a better husband and kind, learned what his actual duties were to the people under his command. Something he should have done a long time ago, but just hadn’t had the will to do so. But now everything was in his court, literally, and he had to do what was right.

And he fell back in love with Caramelinda, all over again. They had been in love before, back when he was fifth in line, before the war. But then time and distance had parted them for so long, and he had fallen for another, a young woman from the Dairy Islands. They had met, married, had their wedding night before war had once again parted them. He finally sat down with Jack, and got the full story – a bit over a year later, the young dairy woman had married a young farmer, they had had children of their own, and a decade ago she had passed from some cheese illness Amethar couldn’t even pretend to understand. He was sad, but was glad that she had had a good life, since he had loved her, in the way that death and violence and needing someone to be there grew a kind of love.

But that was done now. Not gone, but like a closed book, and with that closure, the part of Amethar that had been resisting the life he now had felt a little bit more settled. He still hated every bit of being king, still played hooky with Cal when he visited from being Candia’s advisor or Theo whenever he could, but he tried. He showed Caramelinda how much he appreciated her, and actually finally learned how to read, and figured out names and stations so he could help make the world a better place, and it was worth it.

It was worth it to fall back in love with Caramelinda, to actually feel the flips in his stomach that she used to give him, back before when he was young and before war had broken something inside of him. It was worth it to see that smile of hers, and know that she was feeling it too, the love they had both wanted and struggled for for the last twenty years. It was worth it to kiss his wife and actually be happy.

And damn it, if Gustav’s last prank was to make him responsible for the entire world, then at least he was by the side of the best of wives and best of women, Caramelinda of the house of Rocks.

And it was worth it, in the end. It was worth it to help Lapin out whenever he could, slowly reshaping the church so it better fit the world they were making. It was worth it to watch Theo train the next generation of guards into a fighting force that almost surpassed himself, guards loyal and loving and just as kind and as great a friend as Theo was himself.  It was worth it to see Liam grow into a confident young man, sure of himself, instrumental in helping to ensure the continent was properly fed. It was worth it to watch Ruby become a master performer and spy, passing on the commoner’s thoughts of him and his empire so adjustments could be made, so the masses could be protected and cared for and satisfied without fear. In fact, many sought out Ruby, knowing she had the Emperor’s ear, and could pass on what they were scared to say to his face, for even though he was a good, kind ruler, a fear of rulers still existed. It was worth it to see Queen Jet and Queen Consort Anabelle rule his old home with kindness and love, their union having strengthened the Candian alliance with the Dairy Islands.

It was worth it, as age crept in, to sit there, holding hands with the love of his life, watching as a chocolate milk girl wrestled with a cobbler boy, all while two little cheesecake children slept in their laps. It was worth it to lean over and kiss Caramelinda’s cheek, to see the love pouring from her as they watched over their grandchildren, knowing that soon their friends and the rest of their family would be in one room again, and that none of them would ever have to be war people. It was worth it to know that, because of their efforts, all they would know was peace, and if the most these children ever became was a ruler, or a performer, or a knight, or a warlock, or a seed guy, all because of their efforts?

It was enough.

Except for poor Thad who, as far as they knew, was still in the alley.

[being-demisexual]

Hello! It's my first time asking a question related to sexuality so bear with me 🙏🙏 So about 2 weeks ago i found out that i identify with biromantic demisexual. But after reflecting a bit more, im not too sure again. whether i identify demi romantically or sexually. Tho i am totally bi (if that makes sense?). I've had many crushes (or was it squishes?) tho there were only a few that I'd really like to have a relationship/deeper connection with. (1/?)

Rn im like attracted to an aro friend of mine, but im scared to let her know about this. I dont want to jeopardize our friendship (we recently got to know each other more than a month ago) so lm kinda confused to what i am really feeling now. (2/2) 

So I just wanted to let you know that you send the second part of this ask in while not anonymous, but I’m answering it here since I’m assuming this is how you wanted it answered. If you would prefer it to be private, dm me and I’ll take this post down and then we can talk there!

Broadly speaking, there’s a lot of overlap between by and aspec identities, which is why the communities have, historically speaking, been very closely tied. Many, many bi people used to identify as ace/aro and vice versa, by virtue of attraction (or lack thereof) being mostly the same towards all genders. It makes complete sense to me that you would bi, but also possibly demiromantic and/or demisexual. 

For me, personally, I don’t differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction, which is pretty common among a lot of people. Sure, there are plenty of people allo people might be sexually attracted to, but not date. Generally speaking, however, allo people tend to date only those they find sexually attractive, and it’s a given for many relationships that romance and sex are intertwined. So when I say that I’m demisexual, that doesn’t necessarily preclude me from being demiromantic simply because I don’t make a distinction between the two in my mind. So you can be bi and also demiromantic and demisexual at the same time if you think similar to me. Obviously, for those that do like to make/feel a distinction between sexual and romantic attraction, that’s totally fine!

In regards to your aro friend, you might want to see what they’re comfortable with, romance wise. To most of my friends, I’m out as ace, but, of course, I’m actually demi. It’s possible that your aro friend is gray-aro or demiromantic or something else. It’s also possible that your aro friend wants to have a queer platonic relationship (QPR). Now, a lot of people think that a QPR is simply being “best friends,” but it actually goes a lot deeper than that. I have a best friend, and we live in different cities, and we talk sometimes, and while I might seek her advice or input on something, I would never structure my life under the assumption that it needs to fit hers. Even though I love her to death. Queer platonic partners is like dating without the romance. You would make decisions together, like a couple in a committed, if new, relationship would. Like, if you change suddenly change jobs or want to move to a new apartment or adopt a cat or go on a impromptu vacation for the weekend, generally you need to discuss those types of things with your partner to make sure everyone is on the same page. You don’t usually need to discuss it with your friends before hand, except to mention that it’s already happening and you just want them to be aware. If you do want to have something deeper with your aro friend, and they are aromantic and not gray-aro, demi aro, or anything else, than it might be worth it to see how they feel about having a QPR.

Anyway! I hope this helped! And good luck with your friend. Even if all you two do is remain friends, you sound like a really awesome friend to have. 

[lollytea]

can you tell us more about the snufmin kids, if thats okay?

Oh of course, of course!! i love those children so much dude!!!

[Original OC post]

Beginnings

-Torben’s origins are kinda a downer but basically his mom was a witch on the outskirts of a little village (real far away from moominvalley) who was killed after a lot of fearmongering. they raided her cottage afterwards and found baby torben and assumed him to be a child she stole.

- They couldnt find the “real mother” and he ended up in the care of a childrens’ home. He actually bounced around a few of them until he ended up in the home where he met with his future siblings. according to those working there, he had a rather unnerving stare and a lot of them felt there was something not quite right about him. (the rumor going around was it was something the witch had “done to him” and that “the poor child might never be the same”)  he was a lot more sullen as a baby who didnt have much of an interest in toys and had a hard time connecting with the other children. He brightened up considerably when he found Birch and Essi

- Birch was an oddity from the start. (Species headcanon from here) Its natural for woodies grow in groups, usually from trees and bushes, so theyre biologically social creatures who are hardly ever seen alone. But Birch may have been a spectacle of his species, as he was formed in a moss patch and born all on his own. 

- Another thing that was considered strange about him was his lack of imprinting. Woodies tend to latch on to the first “safe” person they meet, who then forcibly becomes their “parent”. (Woodies are produced asexually and have no “real parents” so finding a person of protection is often done as a survival tactic. It’s recommended that one stay away from woodies if one is not ready for children.) Baby Birch was discovered by a farmer and surprisingly did not take to him right away, like any woodie does. Actually he was rather standoffish and even bit if the old man touched him. He was sent to the home not long after. 

- Space was tight and there werent a lot of cribs/beds to go around, so Birch didn’t have one to himself. Instead they just squeezed him into 2 year old torben’s crib for the two children to share. Here they became inseparable, with Birch, maybe not imprinting but forming a close bond with somebody and finally finding a source of comfort. He bit a little less after this. Likewise with Torben, who gained a caring gleam in his eye once he had a little one to care for. Even when Torben was old enough for a proper bed, he insisted Birch sleep with him and would not budge on the matter. The home gave in and allowed it. 

- Essi’s origin was a simple one, of just being born at the wrong time. In a house packed with mumrik children, one more simply could not be accommodated. I dont want to say her birth parents were terrible people but with the amount of kids they had, they were rather jaded to a fresh baby face and werent too emotional in deciding they need to be rid of her. 

- She was never an angry or intentionally misbehaved baby when under the care of the home. She just needed a lot of stimulation that she wasnt getting and tended to tear up her clothes, curtains and bedsheets. It was also concerning that she never cried, or babbled or made any sound at all. It had falsely interpreted as some fort of defect child. They didnt know if it was right to mix her with the other babies, seeing as with the damage her claws had already done, they felt she could be dangerous. She was left on her own a lot.

- The other two met Essi when they were caught stealing food from the kitchen and locked away on their own to think about how sorry they were. But being tight on space, the only isolated room was the one where Essi was kept. They had heard about her being “the baby who didnt cry” and were very intrigued. but upon further inspection of the wriggling little girl in the cot, Torben observed that she looked lonely. They wondered if she simply wasnt capable of crying, which would be awful if one wanted to express their sadness. After entertaining her throughout their isolation period, the two decided that she was now their baby. And they would be her siblings. They would all belong to each other. As a family.

Miscellaneous HCs:

-Torben sleeps like he’s fucking comatose. There is no waking him. Even when living with Moomintroll and Snufkin, he and Birch still share a bed and Torben kicks and Birch (a light sleeper) hates it. But no matter how much arguments and late night brawls this causes, they still refuse to get separate beds. 

- Essi has a crib in Moomintroll’s room and sleeps there until she’s like 4. (She always magically ends up from her crib to her papa’s stomach by morning.) They tried to get her a “big girl room” when she was bigger but she didnt adapt very well as she couldnt sleep when she was alone. They had to move her into her siblings’ room. She slept soundly after that. 

- Moomintroll and Snufkin often tell the kids stories from their youth, sometimes using anonymous names to work as “fictional stories” lest they frighten them (or for the sake of their own dignity). Essi is very disturbed by the story of the the hobgoblin’s hat, while Birch can only scoff and wonder aloud what sort of idiot was that moomin who went and put the thing on his head. Moomintroll stares dead ahead and refuses to meet eyes with a highly amused Snufkin.

- Early on in his training, Alicia gifts Torben with his own witch hat. With much excitement, he immediately plops the thing on only for his whole head to disappear under it. Alicia laughs, informing him only a fully trained witch can wear it properly and the hat will adjust accordingly once he’s ready. (The hat freaks Moomin the fuck out. He does not care for magical hats anymore.)

- Essi has a little stuffed yellow bird that Mymble got her, which she carries around (often in her mouth) everywhere. She named him Comet, based on the story of when her papas first met.

- Speaking of Mymble (the younger), she loves doing Essi’s hair, although it took her a while to get accustomed to the little mumrik’s big mop of curls and couldnt understand why brushing it was so hard at first. She’s familiar with it now and often weaves in little flowers and ribbons. 

- Birch is very close with Snorkmaiden who thinks his flowering skin is very pretty and encourages his writing and curiosity. (Being a huge fan of the written word herself, mostly fairytales.) 

- Moominpapa is also supportive of his eloquent grandchild (Splendid! Another writer in the family, eh?)  but he’s a little more pushy and it takes a bit of chiding from moominmama to get him to stop saying “have you considered writing about Me??”

- Torben loves Snork. Snork.....hates Torben really. Well, its not that they hate him, its just that Snork has spent their entire life on this flying machine project and torben+flying broomstick= a mockery of it all. Not to mention Torben is annoying as fuck and spends way too much time pestering Snork about god knows what.

- Essi and Little My hunt bugs together. Lov the cronch

- Birch is afraid of thunderstorms. The whole family usually piles into his bed on thundery nights to make him feel safe. 

- Once Torben is at an adequate stage of witching training, he’s allowed a familiar. Of all creatures, he chooses Essi, the closest thing to a black cat he has. She happily obliges and spends most of her late childhood, mid teens operating under this duty.

- Snufkin has composed a tune for each of his children that he plays when alone and thinking about them, or by their bedside and playing them to sleep. Torben’s tune is called ‘Bonfire in the Rain’ Birch’s is ‘Baring Shards of One’s Looking Glass’ and Essi’s is ‘She Who Stirs the Stars’

- To help with Birch’s collecting hobby, Torben enchants a little velveteen pouch an gifts it to him. It never overflows and Birch can fit the whole forest in there if he wishes. It’s very handy to carry around when Birch is vagabond. Extremely light luggage.

- Torben also gifts Essi with a locket encapsulated with the essence of a star. Just enough heat and light to illuminate her way and keep her warm at night. It’s her prized possession. 

- Birch is ace and a he/him nonbinary. He’s not entirely sure if he’s aro as he feels pretty picky about close friends too. but romance has never appealed to him much. 

- Essi is bi. She’s only briefly been involved with like 3 people before meeting the love of her life, Sislaf. 

- Torben is as fluid as can be. He doesnt really have a way to describe his sexuality, he just knows that he loves and loves and loves a lot. He’s a bit like Mymble in the sense that he dates a lot and is always very naive and devoted right away, only to get himself hurt later. He’s quite sensitive about all that.

Futures

- Once the kids are grown, they do end up going their separate ways in life but remain close and visit eachother frequently. They keep in contact by letters. Birch is eternally pissed about his messy handwriting compared to Essi’s beautiful scrawl and Torben’s neat yet flashy one.

- Torben becomes the Moominvalley Witch, now that Alicia’s family have moved on to other places. He builds himself a small cottage on the outskirts so he can have time alone to think and brew. He’s still a walking distance from his parents home though. Flying distance if he’s feeling lazy.  

- Birch’s travels become longer and in time and through word of mouth, the tale he tells become quite well known. He’s a famous storyteller now, whether he wants to be or not. Luckily, he’s begrudgingly embraced it (better than Snufkin did with his fame) and spends a lot of time in taverns, entertaining the regulars.

- Essi was the one who found it the hardest to grow up. Shes a family oriented person so she didnt want to be alone but she also dreamed of adventure and couldnt just drag her whole family along with her (especially her papas who were at the point where they just wanted to rest and settle down) But she found her calling. Criminal. Leader of a pack of criminals actually. Some were old friends from moominvalley, some she met along the way but Essi was lucky enough to find herself a group that became like a family to her. They traveled land and sea, doing all the righteous work and righting the injustices that Snufkin used to do. Only this time, its not just one little man. Its one little woman and her gang. 

- The siblings meet up a lot, usually around a campfire where they share a pipe and laugh about nostalgia. Torben’s particularly good at animating the smoke into moving images, while Birch tells a story to accompany it  and Essi claps along. And even when shes grown and tough, during moments like this Essi still feels the comforting warmth of being a baby sister

[fuckyeahasexual]

Okay so I always identified as queer asexual, because I wasn't sure if I was aro or bi or what, and I liked the umbrella term. And I went to queer spaces, became an officer of a queer club, advocated for queer rights, etc. But recent events now have me wondering if I'm actually heteroromantic instead.Even when I thought I was biromantic rather than heteroromantic, I was a firm believer that all aces belong in the queer community. But now I'm a little nervous. Even if other aces have gone (1/3)

through conversion therapy, discrimination, corrective rape, etc., I have not. And if I were to identify as heteroromantic ace, I know that all the straight people in my family (to whom I’ve never come out yet) will just see it as “straight minus the sexual attraction”. So even though there are solid arguments as to why aces *as a whole* should be allowed in the community, I can’t see how I *as an individual* fit in if I’m actually heteroromantic, and that’s what has me worried. My (2/3)

imposter syndrome was bad enough before, but now it’s going off full steam. What right have I to continue taking up these spaces if I don’t have a single commonality with the people these spaces were created for? (I’m speaking specifically to queer spaces that were initially carved out with the intention of providing a safe space away from oppression. Some queer spaces were formed with different intentions, and I still feel comfortable in certain spaces there.)I mean here is the thing, being exclusively attracted to men(romantically) wont make you any less asexual than lesbian,bi,trans and other queer ace people.The marginalizations ace people face are due to their aceness itself so being heteroromantic isnt really gonna “prevent” you from facing aphobia.When people are sexually harassed to be “fixed” of their asexuality,noone sees if they are heteroromantic or not.Ace people, regardless of who the feel attracted to are made to feel that they are broken,mentally ill etc so your being heteroromantic dosent has to do anything with the marginalizations you might face for being ace.Not every gay person in this world has experienced homophobic violence or conversion therapy but they still face its threat and thats all that matters

Of course if you,personally dont feel like you dont belong in queer spaces and dont want to attend them,then you are free to do so.But thinking that you dont feel like you belong bc u think that all heteroromantic ace people dont belong is wrong. 

[abrosexuality]

this is a bit embarrassing to ask but ive been questioning my sexuality and... well when I was a kid I wanted to date only guys then I wanted to date only girls then now I don't feel a lot of attraction at all. but I dont know if Im just questioning (bc I used to be completely certain I was a lesbian) or if I'm actually fluid since I've only "changed" two times. can i get ur opinion and advice if possible?

um also to note about that I’m questioning if I’m abrosexual I changed to lesbian around the startish middle of middle school and I started questioning if i was aro ace a lot around this month or so and so he change happened within a year still

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Hello anon!This is a tricky situation because of what seems to be slow shifting. I usually answer these asks based on my own personal experiences, or the experiences of other LGBT+ people, but I’m not sure I’ve talked to anybody in a similar situation to yours. That isn’t to say you’re the only one in your situation, but that my own knowledge is lacking here so thought I’ll do my best to answer your question, I might not be completely right. Of course other people are encouraged to share their thoughts or experiences on this matter, and if anybody would like to add to the conversation, but for what ever reason isn’t comfortable rebloging with their addition can send me an anon ask in reference to this.

So, with that out of the way: in your ask you explain that as a child you would only see yourself with boys. I started to question my own sexuality at age 12 (thanks Lady Gaga) and prior to that I just thought I was straight - I fell in love for the firs time at age two with a boy, and all my celebrity crushes up until that point had been on men, but does that mean I was straight for twelve whole years before my “abroness” kicked in? Not necessarily. Looking back at it now, I realize I had indeed been attracted to women (I know I’m speaking binary, but I come from a relatively small town and in the late 90’s/early 00’s there weren’t many genderqueer people in town) at several points before I started questioning. Admittedly all those ladies were animated, but still. Kim Possible, Shego, Jane from Tarzan, Lady La, dark Jane, Katara, Azula….. I’d fancied them but I hadn’t realized it was the same type of fancy as I showed boys. Now, my “default” sexuality, aka the sexuality I identify with most of the time tends to be bisexual, and I haven’t shifted very frequently lately. If you are indeed abro, it could be that your “default” is bi or pan, and that because of heteronormativity you sort of hadn’t noticed smaller shifts before, or just thought of them as something else. I’m no expert on the US school stages, but if I’m not wrong middle school would be around age 11-12 right? That’s about the time I started realizing things weren’t as they seemed.

I can’t tell you who you are, but I hope my reply gave you something to think about. It’s only through introspection we can figure these things out. A tip could be to look back at past favorite cartoon characters or favorite celebrities and analyze how they made you feel. Another could be to keep a diary for a few months. Every day you write down how you relate to your sexuality that day. It could be anything from “MAN, I’M SO GAY, YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT” to “I still feel pretty level in my sexuality today, and though it haven’t really played an active role in my life the past 24 hours, it feels slightly different from yesterday, though I can’t really put my finger on what it is”. This can help you analyze the changes in your sexuality in real time.

Again, I hope I helped and that I at least put you on the path to figuring this out. Once again, I invite others to share their thoughts. /Liz

[asexual-pride]

Hi, so a lot of people say heteromantic asexuals dont belong in the lgtb community because they dont have a "past" in common- I mean, asexuals weren't a part of the revolution when stonewall happened- not because they are not oppressed or sth like that, this isn't an oppression competition. Though aro/bi/gay or trans ace people are welcome of course. Just saying what people think, I don't really know what to think of it...

That’s definitely a thought that’s been going around. But the thing is, the way I see it, heteroromantic (and aromantic because they actually have faced a lot of similar struggles too) asexuals do have a place in the community. They were around back in the day, and people didn’t treat them the way they treated everyone else who fit cis heterosexual heteroromantic social norms. They did participate in the movements, albeit perhaps not in the public ways that other people who more out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender did. The reason you don’t hear about that, though, is because there just wasn’t a widespread, well-known name for asexuality. People assumed, for instance, that they were just repressing feelings that were actually considered LGBT. And this was true regardless of romantic orientation.

Note that I’m not saying cis heteroromantic asexuals had it “just as bad” or comparing struggles or anything like that. I would never do that and I respect the fights that each and every LGBT+ community, together or individually, have faced to get to where they are now and to continue further towards equality and acceptance. I am also not condoning overstepping one’s bounds in the community and speaking for other LGBT issues that one may not have an understanding of- but that also goes for anyone in any community. I’m just saying that people who experience attraction differently, including heteroromantic (and aromantic) asexuals, were always stigmatized or marginalized in some way, and that in and of itself warrants inclusion in the LGBT community by its very nature.

If you are a cis hetero/aromantic asexual and you don’t feel like a member of the LGBT community, then that is up to you and I would never force you to integrate into a community that you don’t want to be a part of. I understand that it can be difficult if you are in that position because of the backlash and perhaps even your own personal views on your identity, which come above all else. This is just me saying that the option is there for those who want to.

I hope my two cents was of some benefit to you and anyone else who has some confusing thoughts about all this.