#I don't think I've ever truly gotten along with a man not once in my life all of them have been at arms reach including those in my family

[flourescencia]

Maybe being bisexual isn't that bad 🫣

oh it isn't I love bisexuals I just have constantly conflicting feelings about men and their perception of me and that is the troubling part to me you could say

[fatuismooches]

No other reason for this other than me being self-indulgent and having some fun. Dottore and Fragile Reader of course.

Prime Dottore - About You:

"If you were expecting me to... gush about them and whatnot, then your expectations are nonsensical. I have nothing to share with you about them. I merely have three things to say. Do not get close to them, do not make them upset, and do not get in my way, regardless of what I have to do to make them better."

Omega - About You:

"...[Name]? Their time is far too valuable to be spent around the likes of you. Speaking of, have you seen them? ...You say they're with another segment now? A pity. It's a shame they're always swept away by the others. I could please them far more than anyone else in any matter. I suppose I will need to think of a way to retrieve them yet again."

Alpha (Akademiya) - About You:

"Do you know how many pens and pencils I've broken due to [Name]? Even centuries later they still find the need to debate me on certain topics, academic or not, challenge my research and thinking, and criticize my handwriting. Truly an annoyance. If only they were able to be with me a bit longer... What? They are annoying, but I still acknowledge that they have the traits of a true scholar. And their voice is still much more agreeable than the others I have to work with..."

Beta (Webttore) - About You:

"Hehe, what a loyal assistant they are. They can pick apart different parts and mechanics with ease. Much more competent than that man I disposed of a while ago, on that expedition... along with all the others. Unfortunately, I only have a limited amount of time with them. Really, is it so difficult to find someone with even a third of their ability? Actually, that is a foolish question. No one could ever hope to compare to them."

Delta - About You:

"They have an exceptional talent for pestering me at any given moment, somehow seeking me out wherever I am easily. If only they could put their mind into something more productive. Why do I not simply ignore them? Because they do not stop until they've gotten their desired results, just like me. I'd rather not prolong their prodding.

Zeta - About You:

"... As long as they are well, I need not know anything else. Their health is of utmost priority."

Zandy - About You:

"[Name]? Oh, they're the best, most nicest and fun grown-up ever! I'm never alone now that they're around! They're always willing to play with me and they always yell at the other segments when they're being mean. They're never scared at all... [Name] could probably beat Prime in a fight if they wanted. Hmm? But they can't even throw a punch? That doesn't matter! They're much stronger than you think - I've witnessed it many times."

Pierro - About You:

"When I first recruited Dottore from the desert and gave him his Harbinger position, one of the first things he did was set up a room to monitor [Name]'s condition. He did so for hundreds of years, creating numerous segments to help, and it ended up paying off. It is not my place to pry into his life, as long as he fulfills his duties as the Tsaritsa requests, but now that they're by his side again, he seems... never mind."

Capitano - About You:

"I once encountered them when they managed to sneak out of the lab. They were... intriguing and talkative. They weren't scared in the slightest and were more interested in how I managed to befriend all the creatures near me. They wanted... tips on how to convince the Doctor to let them have a pet. I don't think I was very helpful."

Columbina - About You:

"The Doctor is engrossed with his research, but the only thing he truly has a soft spot for is his dearest [Name]. He hides his feelings exceptionally well, but anyone who witnesses him around them can tell the difference. Don't tell him I said this though, you know how he'll act.~ But do tell [Name] this, they're sure to get flustered. ♪"

Arlecchino - About You:

"They have made attempts to get closer to me, but I'm afraid I have no interest in building a relationship with them. Still, I've always thought that their character would be similar to that of the Doctor, but from what I've seen of them, that does not seem to be the case. So, I do wonder if those two opposites truly get along."

Pulcinella - About You:

"I have seen many things in this long life of mine, so unlike many others, their relationship with Dottore does not surprise me too much. Still, they have much to learn if they feel the need to come and ask me for relationship advice. If you ask me, I believe that they don't truly know how much the Doctor values them, even if it is as clear as day."

Wanderer - About You:

"The Doctor's little pet? Every time I saw them, they were always scurrying behind one of the segments, as if they were attached by the hip. I don't know what transpired between the two of them for this relationship to happen, but out of all the people who associate with Dottore, they're bound to meet the nastiest end."

Sandrone - About You:

"The Doctor? [Name]? I have no care for either of them. I am much too busy with my own work to think about his worthless love life. However, I do suppose the idea is entertaining - Dottore being capable of love is as laughable as thinking an Automaton can learn to cherish another, and this [Name] person is equally as idiotic for believing so."

La Signora - About You:

"[Name], you say? I can't claim to know much about them. Everything I've heard is through the mouths of others, mostly from agents who talk more than what's good for them, but especially the Balladeer. What are they really like - a harmless and fragile sweetheart? A tool for the Doctor? His equally as heartless accomplice? Or all of the above? All I can say, however, is that it takes one to know one, right?"

Pantalone - About You:

"Ah, the little one. I am more than familiar with them, although Dottore would loathe to hear that. Did you know the Doctor is more prone to jealousy than you think? It is most amusing to see his ever-confident smirk fall once you get a bit too close to [Name]. I vividly remember the time when I said I would accompany [Name] to a ball instead, as he was too busy with his research. He never changed his mind as quickly as he did once I promised to dance with them."

Childe - About You:

“I’ve always thought Dottore was eccentric, and after meeting [Name], I can say they are equally as weird as him, solely for choosing him as their husband. Their personality is nothing like his either - they are bubbly, affectionate, and most of all… extremely weak. Traits that Dottore has no interest in. And yet the segments seem to fawn over them… I just don’t understand them. I just hope they know what they’re getting into.”

Furina - About You:

"Whenever I see them, [Name] always make sure to arrange a tea party with their own homemade Sumerian sweets! It is truly a delight. I admit, I am a bit jealous of their skill. It's as if they have the experience of a hundred years! But of course, that's impossible. Regardless, they are very kind, and they also seem to have a particular liking for romantic films... an odd thing for someone affiliated with the Fatui to like."

Nahida - About You:

"A raven and a sparrow - two beings that are surely bound to be apart from each other, but when it comes to the Doctor and [Name], it seems that even the impossible becomes possible. Though my feelings toward them will not change because of what they've done, I can't help but be interested. What lengths will the Outcast go to cure the one he holds dear, and would [Name] still be able to love him if he becomes more of a monster?"

[sidthedollface2]

A Crown fit for a God  (Part 5)

Part 4

Pairing: Azriel x Fem Reader

Ch Summary: Elain tries to hold on to whatever relationship she and Azriel have left. Will he submit to her desires? Or seek you out instead?

Or

You accidentally discover what the inside of a cell looks like. 

word count: 4.3k

Ch warnings: SA (groping, not graphic and no p in v), thoughts of murder, drugging, cheating (don't worry), slight pregnancy talk. 

Series warnings: 18+ MDNI, SMUT,  mentions of SA, angst, hurt/comfort, war, murder including injuries, fighting, no use of y/n, nicknames, magic, greek mythology, pining, jealousy, soft Az with a little temper, azriel with other women (sorry), reader with another man (get it friend ; )

A/n: I had something totally different planned but decided to take this little detour. Lol. I believe after this chapter we will see more of Azriel and reader interactions. I think. Idk. maybe. I'm a daydreamer not a writer so if you see any mistakes that's how I dreamt it. Lol

The following day Lucien had gotten into a fight with Eris, what was at first a screaming match turned physical, as fists flew left and right. Both males stubborn in their decision, Lucien adamant that he already had planned to run away with you to the Spring Court and Eris tried to explain that a life on the run was no life at all. He promised Lucien you’d be well taken care of and that you’d be a wonderful High Lady when the time came. “No! I’d rather die than watch her marry you.” Lucien roared, angering his brother even more. “We will leave in two days' time and you will not seek us out.” Two days. Eris had two days to figure out how to make you stay.  

If Eris was to be the next High Lord he’d have to do dishonorable things to get what he wanted. This was the first of many. “Gods forgive me for what I'm about to do,” he whispered to himself as he mixed the sex pollen into the cake batter. He placed the round tins in the oven, just like his mother had shown him many times before. Once the cake was frosted and decorated he hand delivered it to an old friend he hadn’t seen in a long while. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again Azriel watched as you walked away, a lone shadow ordered to follow and keep you  safe trailing behind you. Shame filled his guilty heart. He had never acted this way before, not with Mor or Elain or any other female he had in his bed. It was foolish to judge you when he’s had more than enough partners in the 500 plus years he’s been alive.   

Was he going to apologize by fetching you contraceptive tea from The Night Court, so you could sleep with someone else, while he pinned after you? 

Yes. Yes he was, and he certainly wasn't thrilled about it. 

The following morning you stumbled upon a small box on the front steps of your cottage; adorned in navy wrapping paper and secured with a golden bow. A small note was attached along with a violet flower, its stem carrying bulb-like flower buds waiting to bloom and berries as black as the midnight sky. You recognized the plant as Nightshade. 

My Queen of Death,

 I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive my ignorance. I'm ashamed that I've allowed my jealousy to transpire into hurtful words. Words that no female should ever hear and I truly apologize for judging your actions when my own are not very admirable. I realize that actions speak louder than words and I aim to show you just how sorry I am.  

Yours, Azriel

A small smile pulled at your lips as you unraveled the bow and looked inside the box. Three jars of finely crushed herbs, each labeled individually accompanied by a beautifully crafted infuser were neatly placed within the box. Along with healing salves for your wounds, and seeds to grow your own Nightshade. 

“What is that Fawn?�� you didn’t hear as Eris winnowed to the cottage, his glare immediately finding the gift box in your hands. You had two options: lie and say it's just tea from a merchant or tell the truth and enrage the future heir. You were no coward, “It’s contraceptive tea from The Night Court,” you declared with not a hint of hesitation. Eris clenched his hands in a fist, taming the lingering flame that threatened to burst free in his rage. His nostrils flared in distaste for your actions. You knew the plan was to pretend to marry Eris and produce an heir, granting his fathers wishes. Somewhere along the way those pretend lies blurred into truth, at least for Eris. 

“Who did you get the tea from?” he asked, deeply inhaling the air around him, scenting for another male. Thank the Gods you had glamoured your scent, “My friend gifted it to me.” 

“You don’t have friends, I need a name now!” He seethed, clenching his jaw in anger.

You scowled at him, turning your back to him with the gift in your hands, heading back into the cottage. When he suddenly reached over, snatching the note from your hand. 

“Hey!” 

“My Queen?” He questions, reading over the note in a mocking tone and a furrowed brow, “your Azriel?” Eris smugly chuckles, "My Gods he really does know how to work the females doesn’t he? He doesn’t want to be your friend Fawn, he just wants to fuck you. I bet that's the reason he got jealous wasn't it?” He states, crumbling the note in his fist and setting it on fire with his magic. When he opens his fist again a small amount of ash floats to the ground. 

Eris had done what he always does. Place doubt in your mind that no one would ever want you more than a fuck buddy and no one has ever been friends with a Death God. The others were locked away in the prison, the weavers cottage, and the lake. Soon enough the other High Lords would come to know of you and your powers and lock you away like the rest. 

“You're right, but I still want the tea.” 

Eris stalks closer, taking the gift from your hands, “I’ll get you some new tea. This one probably has sex pollen in it. You can never trust the males of The Night Court. I’ve already told you, they share their females. And you're too precious to share.” 

Eris throws the box over this shoulder, setting it aflame before it even hits the ground. 

He wraps his arm around your shoulder, walking you inside the cottage, “Mother requests you at the Forest House. She wants you to wear a dress to Helion's celebration.”

~~~~

Azriel thought about your last words to him and it hurt him to admit you were right. No one had ever loved him. At least not as deeply as your love for Lucien. He wondered what your love would feel like. Would it be as fierce as you were, with power surging through your veins? Were you a hopeless romantic where you’d hold his hand and kiss him in the middle of the street on the rainiest day of the year? With how he was acting, that idea seemed so far off. So far each encounter with you was met with his illyrian ways of being a territorial, possessive, jealous male. He was man enough to admit he was jealous, Lucien had a piece of your heart, if not now then before. He had no right to be jealous, he was sleeping with Elain afterall. A situation he needed to end once and for all.

His curiosity was heavy enough to seek out the male and question the depths of the relationship. Not long after he landed back in Velaris, he found himself knocking on Lucien's apartment door, hoping to catch up. 

Lucien opened the door and he immediately regretted it. He wasn’t exactly fond of the illyrian who had been sleeping with his mate. Knowing very well Azriel’s appetite for beautiful females. He’d figure once he grew bored of Elain he’d find another female to bed and another and another, leaving those poor females a shell of their former selves. Lucien had no patience for small talk and he wasn't exactly interested in what the shadowsinger had to say, “whatever it is, I don’t care.” Lucien moved to close the door in Azriel’s face, unamused with the sudden visit.

“Wait!” Azriel pleaded, hand splayed over the door that was about to close on him. “I’m not here to talk about Elain, I’m ending it with her today. I’m here to talk about Khaos.” Lucien sighed, letting the shadowsinger enter his apartment. “Is she safe?” Lucien's worried eyes scanned Azriel for any hint of deception. “Yeah, she's safe, I just wanted to know how she was with you and now Eris. More importantly, what happened between you two? ”

Azriel walked over to Lucien's couch, Mid bend to make himself comfortable, “don’t sit. I don’t plan to entertain you,” Lucien spat, crossing his arms over his chest. Azriel let the weight of his body plop down on the couch, arms stretched wide across the back cushion. His unwavering stare indicating he would get the answers to his questions. Lucien gritted his teeth in annoyance, “ I’m not telling you shit. What happened between us, remains between us.” 

Azriel nodded, understanding his hesitancy to give any details regarding a former lover, “It’s just that I’d like to get to know her bett-”

“Haven’t you had your fill?" Lucien interrupted with a scowl, “must you take every female that I love?” He scoffed. “You don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her.” 

There it was, his opening. Exactly what he was hoping for. Azriel didn’t hesitate in prodding further. 

“If you loved her, why did you leave?” 

Lucien shook his head, running his hand through his long locks, “No, not past tense. I still do. I’ll always…” Lucien swallowed, he couldn’t finish that sentence, it hurt too much. Azriel narrowed his eyes, Gods, he still loved you he thought to himself. He knew his next words would reopen a healed wound, but he needed more.  “You love her so much you let Eris fuck her too.” Azriel internally flinched at how tasteless the statement was. 

Lucien winced at the Shadowsingers clear attempt to rile him up, those crude words grating against his heart, “Get out!” 

Azriel smirked and threw his mud covered boots on top of the coffee table, rattling the few cups that lingered. Crossing his legs at the ankle, “the faster you tell me what I want to know, the faster I'll leave.” 

Lucien rubbed the space between his brows and let out an annoyed groan. His gaze fixed on a burgundy cloak that was thrown over an armchair. A cloak that once belonged to you, after all these years he still held onto it. Lucien's eyes glazed over in sadness as he recalled the reason he left, “after my father wished for Eris to court her, I tried to take her away to The Spring Court so we could be together. I went to our friend Jesminda's house to say my goodbyes. She invited me in for cake and tea, one thing led to another and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn't tell her, so I left for Spring alone. ”

“You cheated on her?” Azriel asked. 

Lucien nodded, clearing his throat from the knot of emotion that threatened to break free. 

“You’re a fucking coward,” Azriel glared as he stalked towards the door, “she thinks the world of you and you couldn’t even tell her of your betrayal.” 

He opened the door to the apartment, leaving Lucien to sulk in misery,

“You said I don't deserve her, but it’s you who doesn't deserve a place in her heart. I’ll make sure she knows of your cowardice and infidelity.” 

Azriel slammed the door behind him and as he walked away he heard the cries of a wounded fox, shattered to pieces by a guilty conscience.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood in front of a full length mirror, its reflection one you didn't recognize. Your eyes lacked the stars that once circled your pupils, your once moon like orb was no longer crisp and bright. No longer did you look like a God that brought blood and gore to those who deserved a painful death. How did the Goddess of Life succumb to a female with nowhere to go but beside her betrothed. To obey his every wish with a smile on your face. Only speak when spoken to and never voice the thoughts that lingered beyond those of dresses and motherhood.

Was your life to be on your back while Eris spilled his seed inside you, producing heir after heir until your very womb decayed. “Aos? Which color would you like the dress?” you shook your head, riding yourself from your detached thoughts. You met the eyes of Auren through the mirror, a seamstress tasked with measuring you for Helion’s Celebration. “Blue would look lovely, Thank you Auren.” 

“The Prince is wearing a deep cadmium red, it be wise to match with the future heir.” Auren explained as she struggled to wrap the measuring tape around your waist, placing her finger against your body, noting the inch at which her finger fit snugly against your skin. “Make it a royal blue Auren, it reminds me of home.” 

Her heavy breathing took you out of your thoughts and your eyes widened at her swollen belly, the reason for her struggle to reach around you. “Oh Auren, I didn’t realize. It’s not polite to comment-” 

“It’s alright really, just got harder to bend and move,” she laughed, rubbing her round stomach soothingly. You beamed as she cradled the life that was growing inside her. A warmth so familiar bloomed inside you. You knew all too well the reason pregnancy was difficult in the fae lands, ever since you fell from the sky procreation had severely diminished. Not forgotten or misplaced just pointless in a cruel world. You couldn't say you had nothing to do with it, you had everything to do with creation. So it was quite a shock to see Auren pregnant, “a miracle really. Congratulations Auren, you make a wonderful mother.” 

“It’s always been a dream of mine. Thank the Gods for this fertility tea.” She took a sip from her cup and as she set it down you glanced inside, “whole nuts?” you questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Mhmm, it tastes gritty when they’re crushed down to a powder.” She grimaced as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“Gritty?”

Weekly dinners with the Vanserras, you were served tea.

It couldn’t be. 

It was.

You paled. 

~~~~~~~

At dinner everyone moved around you carrying their conversations like you weren’t slowly dying inside. Like you were invisible. You sat unmoving, hands clasped within your lap as you burned a hole into the mug that accompanied your dessert. How long had you been drinking that tea? How long were you going to pretend to be Eris' lover? How long were you going to put on this mask of compliance and docility, when in reality you could rip the flesh from their bones with a blink of an eye. Slaughter each and every member of the Vanserras without a single ounce of remorse.

The more you dwelled on it the more plausible it seemed. Yes, you’d remove them all at once with the snap of your finger. Each death exactly the same as the next, painful in the way they’ve caused pain to others. No, tortuous. Starting with the slow removal of each fingernail, pulled directly from the nailbed followed by severing each finger until nothing remained of their hands but a bloody useless paw. You wouldn't stop there. Next you’d remove their feet below the ankles, better yet, below the knee, so that to move they'd need to drag their meat sack of bones across all the painful textures of the land. Each and every pull against the earth would reopen thin healed skin, leaving trails of crimson blood mixed with pus and torn flesh.

The cries of a once feared family would bring their citizens out only to shriek, and gasp in horror at the sight of the disfigured thing. As a mercy you’d allow them to keep their eyes and ears so they’d hear each vulgar degradation aimed at how mutilated and disgusting they looked, visualize the moment they made someone so ill all that could be done was vomit the contents of their stomach. No one would pin it on Eris if he was among the deformed. Though you weren’t so cruel, they did help you somewhat. Provide you with shelter, food, all the means that you’ve needed to survive thus far. Asphyxiation would be painless, you smirked.

Eris placed a panicked hand to the base of his throat, glancing around the table at his family; he noticed their glossy widened eyes. Their mouths hung open in a silent scream, opening and closing like a fish out of water, gasping for a breath of air. Utensils clattered to the ground as Lord Beron attempted to stand only to stumble clenching the table cloth for fear of falling. Eris’ amber gaze landed on your morbid stare. Eyes cloudy and pale with the promise of death in their unfocused glare.

The room spun round and round although he remained seated, knuckles white from gripping the wooden table. He felt himself slowly losing consciousness, the lack of oxygen to his brain pulling him under, a swipe across his nose made him nearly pass out as he felt blood drip down, coating his lips. Eris chanced one last look into the soul of beautiful death and found your lifeless eyes already claiming his beating heart. 

With a last ditch effort to reclaim his soul he struggled through the pounding inside his head. Placing a trembling hand against your thigh, conjuring the remaining power he had into a lick of flame. Burning against your thigh brought your thoughts back to dinner. Those heterochromia eyes morphed into the vibrant colors of the galaxy with a single blink. The sharp inhale of air surrounded the table as your mind released them from the claws of death's grip. “Must be the tea,” you challenged, voice dripping with insolence as your cold eyes met those of Lord Beron. “We’ve been poisoned!” Eris's younger brother Janus reported, pouring out his cup of tea showcasing the darkened goop that splattered to the ground. Eris’ gaze traveled from the cup to you and back again. A look of shock and hurt in the way he studied your indifference. Once everyone cleared the dinner table, Lord Beron ordered the guards to sweep the halls for a breach and check the tea imports for tampering. 

~~~~~

You made your way to your bed chambers when a rough hand tightly gripped your arm; shoving you against the stone walls with enough force to knock the sense out of you. Lord Beron lowered his mouth to your ear so no one else could hear his vile words. “If I have to chain your legs apart and force him on you, so be it! But you will let Eris fuck a babe into your pathetic cunt!” He snarled, voice dripping with the rot that plagued his evil soul. You stared at the grip he had on your arm, a bruise in the shape of fingertips already forming around your bicep. 

“Threaten me all you want-"

The back of Lord Berons palm landed across your cheek with an audible slap, whipping your face so hard you stumbled to the floor. Your fingertips sparked with electric current, adrenaline running through you, tempting you to act, to destroy everyone that got in your way. And Lord Beron would be the first to witness your fury. Defiantly, you stood to meet his stare, chin held high with pride, “I bow to no High Lord.” 

Lord Beron didn’t bother to strike you as he signaled for a guard to escort you below. Where they kept their murderers, thieves, and those that needed a reminder of who their High Lord was. Lord Beron didn’t know how powerful you were since you kept most of your magic to yourself and those close to you, so it came as a shock when a stainless steel collar dipped in faebane was locked around your neck, made to look like a simple necklace with the only key belonging to High Lord Beron. 

You were dragged down the cold halls farther than you knew existed, down a spiral of stone steps, passed the cells that housed the criminals of Autumn and last through a hidden wall disguised as an unassuming bookcase. Your heart rate spiked as you realized this area was one you had never seen before and it worried you that maybe that was the point. You tried to summon your magic despite the collar releasing its poison onto your skin, but with nowhere to release the rage, the opposite happened. Your power turned to its host and acted like a sedative, pulling you into a sleep-like state. 

In your near-unconsciousness you didn’t feel the rough hands of a guard help himself to the curves of your body, groping your breasts and grabbing your ass before he kneeled at your feet, shackling your legs apart just as Lord Beron promised. The guards were instructed to not penetrate you but that didn’t stop them from standing around your cell to gawk and fist their needy cocks to the sight of your spread pussy. 

~~~~~~~~~

Azriel breathed a sigh of relief as he entered his room. A welcoming comfort no one could grant him, except perhaps you. 

He neared his four poster bed, large enough for his wings and a lover or two. Just as he was about to throw himself onto its pillowy top a sweet scent engulfed him. Too sweet for his liking and definitely not your scent.  As he looked to the illuminated light escaping the bottom of the  bathing room; Elain emerged from a cloud of steam, casting her in a hazy glow. Azriels eyes trailed the length of her nude body, drops of water tracking down her thin legs.

Azriel couldn't deny what a beautiful female she was, both inside and out. He was lucky to have been with her no matter how short their fling was about to be. What Elain assumed was lust in Azriels eyes was actually reflection. Seeing her bare before him reminded him of what she offered time and time again. Her physical body. He knew that's not all she had to offer, deep down she had goals to be met and hobbies that he didn't understand, but physical intimacy is what she offered to him.

Azriel couldn't believe he had gotten to the point where sex was no longer enough. He wanted more. He wanted it all. He wanted that body, mind and spirit love. A soul connection so deep not even death would be able to pry his heart away. He felt it in his bones that that connection was not with Elain, so he’d decided now was as good a time as any, to let her go. 

Without another glance Azriel walked to his closet, which held an assortment of her clothes. He pulled out her favorite pink robe, and draped it over her shoulders. Elain took the hint and tied the robe around her body at the waist, covering her completely. The act alone brought her to tears as his rejection flooded her with shame and embarrassment. 

“Who is she?” Elain muttered, crossing her arms over her stomach in an attempt to hold herself together. Azriel shook his head, a soft sigh leaving his lips. 

“Did you sleep with her?” 

“No. I wouldn't do that to her - to you,” he shook his head, “I wouldn't do that to you.”

“Do you want to sleep with her?” Elain asked with a wobble in her throat, not sure if she could handle his answer. 

Azriel turned his back on Elain and placed his hands on his hips. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he hung his head. Yes, he did want to bed you, but more than anything he wanted to hear the sound of your soft breathing as you slept nestled against his chest. He wanted to trace the beauty marks along your back and see how many constellations adorned your soft skin. 

“Azriel!” 

“Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear? He snapped.

“NO! I want to hear that you love me, not that you want to fuck someone else!” Elain sobbed, her tears freely flowing down her cheeks. “It’s her isn't it? The one you’ve been looking for all these years? The female you said I shouldn't worry about?” Elain continued to wipe away her tears. 

“I never meant to hurt you, and for that I’m sorry. If there's a chance that she’s who's destined for me then I have to explore that. You know how much I want what my brothers have, that special someone made for me!” Azriel sat on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his wavy hair. 

“I thought I was made for you Az?” 

A scoff leaves Azriels lips, “you were made for Lucien, he's your mate Elain, not me.” 

Elains stunned silent. The truth of his words piercing her fragile heart, “but I chose you.” 

“And I’m choosing her.” 

“Azriel, she's a Death God,” she pleads, kneeling in front of him with her hands on his knees, “she’s threatened Velaris and Rhys hates her. You met her one time as a child. You don’t know her!” she yelled, hurt laced in her words as she tried to make sense of his actions.

“I want to get to know her!” Azriel yelled back, standing abruptly from his position on the bed, making Elain stumble slightly, catching herself with her palms on the floor. 

“I’m sorry, this thing between us. It was never –”

Azriels shadows interrupt him as they swarm the room, darting erratically from side to side in alarm. Goosebumps form along his arms as they whisper in his ear, ‘In trouble, hurry.’ Azriel didn't need to ask who was in trouble. Somehow he could feel your despair in the pit of his stomach. You needed him and he would go to you. However far you were, he would walk miles to reach you, fly through the toughest storms to be by your side. Risk his own life if it meant you’d survive to see another day. Without another word he raced out of the house, leaving a broken hearted Elain to pick up the pieces of her fractured heart. He couldn’t be there for her any longer, not when his heart was calling out for you. 

A/n:  I’ve had a crazy week with my daughter being sick and planning her birthday party. I expect the next ch to take me some time. As always thank you so much for reading and for your sweet comments.  

Taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever @going-through-shit @dr4g0ngirl @mybestfriendmademe @isa1b2h3 @julesofvolterra @scooobies @thisblogisaboutabook @lilah-asteria @glitterypirateduck @acourtofbatboydreams @5onedirection5

[quinloki]

humble requests for buggy, killer, and robin for marking with their lipstick (i know robin isnt drawn with any but just for fun), hella softcore femdom, and praise (not for killer i know u already did him and i.. go back regularly to read it and get all flustered and coo and adhjsfldkf) thank yoU!!!

Awwwww ♥ I'm glad you like it that much. Hm... maybe I'll expand on it for this post. Let's see how it goes.

Buggy and Robin - I think this is firsts for both of them \o/ (Oh wait, I've gotten Buggy once before, first for Robin!)

Also, I apologize, I'm laughing at "hella softcore femdom" - I don't know what to do with that, but I'm going to try my best. I'm assuming the qualifier is there because I tend to go pretty hard core, and you're trying to get me to put the mittens on and tone it down a bit.

We'll do this by character as is becoming the norm, and we'll just go in the order you've listed \o/

Buggy:

Marking w/lipstick - Yes - Buggy likes to give you his "look" in the bedroom - not the big red nose, but the exaggerated lips and the blue lines. There's just something quiet and intimate about it and he refuses to let anyone else see you like that. Generally, in the course of the night, the makeup on the both of you is ruined all to hell. Red and blue smears of paint blotched along skin.

You've even "marked" him more directly before, drawing a couple lazy hearts on his chest with the lipstick one time and he found he really liked it. He told you it was flashy and even left it in place until normal daily life wore it away.

Hella Softcore Femdom - Oh god you don't even know - Buggy can be pushed into being dom, he can even be one on his own, but he's a very stressed clown man. Handing over the proverbial reigns and doing your bidding is a tremendous stress reliever for him. It doesn't even have to be sexual in nature. He'll rub your shoulder, massage your feet, bring you snacks and feed you fruits (and/or let you feed him fruits too.) He even enjoys being made to clean or organize things.

Praise Kink - FUCK Yes - You cannot praise him too much, he cannot praise you too much. Buggy is a affirmative words kind of guy. (He likes having degradation thrown at him, does not like dishing it out). He loves to hear he's doing well, and loves to praise you for taking him so well at the same time. He's very talkative when he's with you - not in the screechy kind of fast-talk he has with other people. It's much calmer than that, maybe a little flashy still.

He'll talk a little less as things progress - once you've both learned what the other likes there'll be less instructions and questions and clarifications, but he'll still be singing your praises, and reveling in you praising him.

Killer:

Marking w/lipstick - FUCK Yes - Killer loves to mark you, and honestly the more temporary those marks are the better. As a general rule at least. The best part is how accurate he is with it. He's put lipstick on your lips without getting any outside of the lines, and he didn't use the lipstick on your lips directly. It was some of the best kissing you'd experienced with him.

By the time all is said and done it's often hard to tell what marks on you are passionate bruises, and which marks are Killer's lipstick. At least until you get cleaned up.

Hella Softcore Femdom - Yes - I don't think you'd ever actually truly dom Killer. Even softcore style. He's delighted to let you fill that role, but there's no point in any of it where you're fully in control. He just doesn't have enough "sub" in him for that sort of interaction. Much like Kid though, he's into pretty much all kinks, from all sides, and he'll happily play at being you're good darlin' without complaint.

Plus it's not bad for him to just relax and let someone call the shots for a little bit. Killer's usually non-stop on in that category. So it's refreshing for him to let someone else take the lead.

Praise Kink - Oh god your don't even know - Killer will praise you and accept your praises. But mostly praise you - how well you take him, how sweet you sound, how beautiful your laughter is, how delicious, and warm, and tight and perfect you are. Killer loves to lavish you with praise. You are his good little one, and he'll make sure you never doubt it. He'll even praise you while he's punishing you - especially if you're accepting your punishment without complaint.

It's also easy to tell that praise effects him positively as well. You can hear his soft moans shiver when you praise him, feel him twitch inside you, the flex in his fingers as he works to control himself. He doesn't really need or want anyone else to tell him he's doing a good job, but something about the way you say it, hits him at his core.

Nico Robin:

Marking w/lipstick - Sure - I think Robin wouldn't have much of an opinion on it until her partner marked her with lipstick. The quiet action of it, the subtle intimacy, the ease with which it can be removed and reapplied. Something about it will click with her and she'll be positive toward it more than neutral.

As a general rule I don't think she's one for marking any more "hardcore" than lipstick. Marks maybe from passionate kissing, but considering her past I don't think she'd want to have a show of ownership over someone. I almost think freedom is more important to her than it is to Luffy.

Hella Softcore Femdom - Oh god you don't even know - This is like, Robin's natural state. It's almost how she is just as a person existing. Everything I can think of to describe it are canonical moments in the show. She just very casually and skillfully moves the crew to her desires, and praises them when things go how she wants. It's almost motherly with, say, Chopper, but there's certainly a dom vibe with the rest of the crew.

It's subtle though - "hella softcore" is a good way to describe it. That said, it's something I see her doing to someone quite easily, but I don't think it goes in the other direction. Subtle as it may (or may not) come across in her relationship, she is most certainly the dominate partner.

Praise Kink - FUCK Yes - Degradation is not Robin's default setting. She's 100% someone that's going to praise you for a job well-done. The hardest part of being her partner is that she'll praise you for cleaning the room in the same cadence and tone that she'll praise you for taking her strap. Or hand. Or with you pleasing her.

There's nothing wrong with it, but when she thanks you for something in front of everyone else in that same tone she used in the bedroom perhaps just moments earlier. Well. To say it has an astounding effect is a bit of an understatement (and I'm certain she does it on purpose too.)

Get your asks in, I'm not taking more after tomorrow.

[anghraine]

Fic author interview (meme)

I was tagged by @incognitajones! Thank you very much <3

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

222, though some are very closely interconnected.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

1,193,545, says the AO3 statistics page!

o_O

3- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

LOL, I had just automatically rearranged my stats graph to rank fics by kudos instead of hits. It's:

Season of Courtship (inevitably), a Darcy/Elizabeth canon-compliant engagement interquel I wrote as a teenager;

But Thou Didst Not Leave His Soul In Hell (always a pleasant surprise), a short AU in which Luke convinces Anakin/Vader to flee the Empire with him;

per ardua ad astra, a Rogue One+ANH Jyn/Cassian AU in which Jyn, Cassian, and Bodhi escape Scarif only to get trapped on the Death Star and forced to pass themselves off as Imperials;

we get dark, only to shine, a longggg yet unfinished AU of The Borgias in which Cesare and Lucrezia begin their affair during S1 instead of S3 (CW for canon sibling incest, murder, etc).

Contradictions and Varieties (baffling), a short Darcy/Elizabeth AU I wrote for a fest in which it takes them slightly longer to get together.

4- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, especially with fics I'm actively updating, but I'm always behind on it. I mostly just get distracted and forget.

5- What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, interesting question! I don't write a lot of angsty endings, but there are a few options, and I think it probably would have to be the gift of men, a short (~1k) Fourth Age fic in which Eldarion goes along with a politically convenient marriage to one of Faramir and Éowyn's daughters, and falls in love with her, only for her to die of old age while Aragorn and Faramir are still alive and Eldarion remains young.

Honorable mentions: Set On This Path (Luke and Leia are brought up in the Empire + fusion with the story of the bloodbending brothers in B1 of Legend of Korra, complete with murder-suicide) and the last day (a chirpy epistolary fic that takes an abrupt turn after the genocidal attack that begins the Guild Wars games).

6- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Um, just considering the ones that have endings, to be fair, and ... hmm, that's harder. A lot of happy endings! Probably the ones that are happiest for me, personally, are First Impressions (m!Elizabeth/f!Darcy re-telling of P&P) and whatever we deny or embrace (f!Cassian/Jyn).

7- Do you write crossovers?

Not often, but sometimes! Like now.

8- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes! I've gotten hate more than once wrt Season of Courtship in various versions (even before it become so overwhelmingly the popular favorite of my fics). The rest has been on other fics and mostly on ff.net.

TBH the subtler stuff bothers me more than outright hate (corrections based on adaptations or fanon or expanded universe material I already said I wasn't using, concern that I might switch permanently to a new format I'm trying out, etc).

9- Do you write smut?

Very rarely. I respect people who can write good smut (hi incognita!), but I'm definitely a fade to black sort unless the ship is already so out there that I'm long past feeling self-conscious about it.

10- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. It's happened a couple of times, but the main one was someone who stole a few Austen fics from various people and tried to piece them together into something they could sell on Amazon. One of the fics was The Rich Are Always Respectable (not what I would choose to plagiarize if I were going to, but ... okay).

11- Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times. I think it's cool!

12- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a short fic with my friend @tulinlina many years ago :)

13- What's your all-time favorite ship?

Darcy/Elizabeth. Truly this ship is the terror of the seas!

14- What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Oh, man. This probably requires more self-knowledge than I really have. Um ... I hate saying it, but we get dark, only to shine is likely this. I had so many plans for where it was going to go, but I'm just in a very different fannish place these days.

15- What are your writing strengths?

It feels weird to say, but I think I write solid dialogue (it's certainly my favorite thing to write!) and fairly clean prose in general.

16- What are your writing weaknesses?

Description is my truest nemesis—I tend to place scenes in just empty or vaguely described space. Fight scenes and that sort of thing are really difficult (for related reasons). Finishing things—my stuff nearly always grows out of control and it screws up pacing and so on.

17- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

A little goes a long way, IMO. I did a bit of it in my fic about Leia and Cassian and Alderaanian, in tongues and quiet sighs, so I can't judge it too hard, but it's very much something to handle with care (especially with conlangs—Tolkien fic can be pretty grating this way).

18- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Tolkien! My first attempt at a fic was a Faramir-goes-to-Rivendell-instead-of-Boromir AU that never got very far.

Well, my first serious attempt at fanfic, that is—I wrote original stuff for years before that, and I guess technically I tried to write Trixie Belden fanfic when I was about 10 ... and the original stuff spun off from a piece that was basically a Secret of Mana fanfic I wrote even before the Trixie Belden stuff. But in terms of something written within a fandom community, the Faramir fic.

19- What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Hmm. I'm not sure, actually. I mostly just write stuff if I feel like it. Oh—it's cheating, but I've barely written Korra/Kuvira even though I adore the ship. I'd like to write a proper Korvira fic someday.

20- What's your favorite fic you've written?

This changes pretty often, though there are always a few that come up when I'm asked. At this moment in time, probably The Jedi and the Sith Lord, the third (sort of) of my f!Luke Skywalker fics, and the one where the story finally swerves off the canon tracks and becomes its own thing. Maybe (probably?) not my best work, but the Lucyverse is my baby and I think TJATSL is my best work in it.

Tagging: @elwing, @kareenvorbarra, @heckofabecca, @veliseraptor, @rain-sleet-snow

[captaincravatthecapricious]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks @bluejayblueskies for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

58!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

463,287

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Malevolent! But I do have a tma long fic going on that I am still working on and updating regularly.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

After the Circus (tma)

Can't Get Up (tma)

Broken Ribs (tma)

Things You Said When You Were Scared (tma)

Cold as the Rain that Falls in December (Malevolent)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! Comments mean a ton to me so I try to respond to them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Oh man either Things You Said Through Your Teeth (tma, a little study on Martin grieving everyone throughout the seasons, ending with him pushing Jon away) OR I Don't Want to be So Sober So (Malevolent, that ended up with Arthur possibly drinking himself to death. I mean you could chose to believe that John got him back home. I don't think I've actually decided, even when I wrote it).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

I mean... all the rest of them, probably. I write happy endings. Angst with happy endings. Maybe the Jumanji fic? The first one ends up pretty happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Not that I know of? Am I popular enough to get hate?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

GODS, okay so this isn't published. Hell it's in an old NOTEBOOK, but once I wrote a crossover between Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Bones.

Of the things published, I do have a tma Jumanji au, but I wouldn't call that a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

I don't think so?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

I was going to, once upon a time, but it fell through. That was a very long time ago.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

I'm not sure. I like queerplatonic ships over anything else. I really like playing around with the inbetween relationships of Jon and Tim (tma) and Arthur and Parker and John (Malevolent). But I'm not sure if I really write or ship any of them romantically. I like the messy inbetweens. And being aro ace, I kind of explore the plasticity of relationships through that lens.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

I'm pretty methodical with things so I don't have a lot of projects left undone. I would like to write a third chapter for my oneshot fic called Coffee. And I would like to fix up the second chapter enough that I can actually post it.

In a wider sense. I have so much more I want to do in the Parker Lives AU, but I have no idea what I'll be able to do with time/work/mental health constraints. I'm certainly not done with the AU. But will it ever be truly finished?

16. What are your writing strengths? 

rambling. Endlessly. Which is also a weakness. But I sure can do whump and stream of consciousness.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

I haven't the foggiest idea how video games work and I am writing a video game au.

In a more serious sense. I have a lot of trouble with pacing. I fill everything up with my rambling and I have no idea if I am getting the original point across or if it's gotten lost along the way. It also tends to make it hard to stick in important details in a longer form work. I get too busy with tangents.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I don't think I know other languages well enough.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Ice Age 3, Dawn of the Dinosaurs. And it was written in marker in a plastic spiral bound notebook. And it will never see the light of day.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

For tma, probably If That's What it is

For Malevolent... I'm not sure. I love of Cold as the Rain (and that might be my top pick overall) but I am also really proud of myself for finishing Phosphenes and Pasts. I guess my readers will have to be the judge of that once I finish posting it!

Tagging @genderfluid-druid @thisstableground @cannibalthoughts @cappurrccino @sokkas-first-fangirl @breannasfluff @acewithapaintbrush @late-to-the-magnus-archives

[inkylegacy]

Dreams

A bit of a dctl fic, but within my Inky Legacy au

---------------------------

Hey Dot.

It's me, Daniel.

I don't think this letter will ever reach you, but I thought I'd write it anyways.

It's all we have down here. Writing. And hope.

Sometimes, it almost seems the same thing.

You were always better at that than me. Both things. That's why Mr. Drew liked you.

I realize that now, along with a lot of other things. You get a lot of thinking done, when that's all you can do.

Remember, how you theorized Mr. Drew hired me because I must have reminded him of his younger self? That never sat quite right with me, and I could tell by your face that it didn't seem right to you either.

Your nose scrunches up, every time something bothers you. I remember that. I tried really hard, to remember that. Those little things, they made you easier to understand. And I was never good at understanding people, not like you.

Or like Mr. Drew.

That's the thing, you see, Dot. I didn't remind him of his younger self. You did.

We just didn't have all the facts back then, you see.

Which are? I imagine you asking here, with that questioning frown. The one I thought meant you were doubting me, back when we first met.

So, here goes: You reminded Mr. Drew of himself. And me, I reminded him of Henry.

That's right, Henry Stein. That 'mystery in the shape of a man', as you put it once.

I've met him now, so many times I've met him. That's how I realized, how things suddenly started to make sense. Why I was given that desk, despite those other spare desks around. Why he let me get away with things others got unfairly fired over. Why he seemed to almost encourage our snooping.

Why he called me 'Henry' a few times.

Remember that? I don't actually remember if I told you about that. I do remember finding it quite weird, at the time. A bit creepy.

Buddy, what do you mean, you met Henry? Right, I should explain that, before you somehow find your way down here just to shake the answers out of me.

Don't come down here, Dot. Please, I'm begging you. Pray you never touched the ink, that you're truly free out there, and whatever you do, don't try to enter the studio.

You can't get back out, once you're in here.

It's what happened to Henry. To so many of us. We're all stuck down here now. But don't worry Dot, we're making do. It's gotten a bit better, since... Well, you probably know more about that than we do, since you're out there. Heard it on the news, I imagine. Even with the studio in ruin, he must have been a big deal still. Joey Drew wouldn't have it any other way.

I should stop now, before I run out of paper. That's something that hasn't changed. It's harder to find a clean sheet than you might think.

Actually, one more thing. Perhaps it's silly to write this, knowing you aren't actually reading this. But... I'd prefer if you didn't call me Buddy, anymore. That's the name he gave me. I almost forgot who I am, with everyone just calling me 'Buddy'.

For a while, I did forget.

It's terrifying, Dot. Forgetting who you are.

Of course, Daniel. I understand.

(ao3 link in notes a few hours after posting, ya boy gotta dash to class)

[peaceteaa11]

My Rockstar

Part One of My Rockstar

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OC Henderson

Rating: Dis one is clean... story has spice potential.

Warnings: Pining, ouch b/c pining, rockstar Eddie. Also Pining.

Summary: After almost a year of no contact Eddie shows up at Indiana Henderson's house to say hello. This only reminds Indiana of her lifelong love for Eddie, her high school best friend turned rockstar.

A/N: I have proofread but like at 1am maybe 2am not sure. So is it perfect, definitely not? But I hope you enjoy it. This will probs be a series along with Love Luna. Also, a one-shot and part three of Love Luna are coming soon. I've been on vacation sooooo, so I've been busy relaxing or something.

***I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE RIGHTS TO THE STRANGER THINGS CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC. I ONLY OWN OCS I HAVE CREATED SUCH AS INDIANA AND THE BAND MEMBERS.***

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

"Indiana! Indiana!" I hear my brother's voice echoing down the hallway of our house and I giggle in response to his silence.

"Dustin! Dustin!" I shout back as I look up from my papers. Ever since I started college Dustin has been clingier than ever. This is mostly because of Eddie Munson. They were so close and Dustin felt truly alone once Eddie left. It's gotten better now that he and Steve have reconnected but it was one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever seen. My little brother curled up in my lap like an injured animal, sobbing about the absence of his good friend. I think it hurt him beyond belief when Eddie Munson actually graduated from high school. I mean it was a weird moment, we were all happy for him, but we knew he was going to leave us behind as soon as he could. Eddie couldn't wait to leave Hawkins. And now he's literally famous so he never comes home to Hawkins. He and his band are literally all over the world. Yeah, the world.

Eddie. I was in love with Eddie, everyone knew that, so when he left it hurt my heart more than I ever thought was possible. I never got to tell him how I felt, but Dustin's connection with Eddie was different. I think Dustin may have been even more hurt than me. I mean, Eddie doesn't even call. I don't blame him though. I'd try to forget Hawkins if I could, especially after everything that went down senior year.

"Indie!" Dustin shouts louder. I laugh and exit my room making my way to the front of the house.

"If you're not bleeding out on the living room floor there is no need to be yelling like that-" I pause when I see Dustin standing in the living room hugging a leather-covered and chained man. Familiar rings patting my brother's head.

"Eddie! Eddie's back!" Dustin shouts loudly as he turns to face me. I stare at Eddie Munson, the world's newest and hottest rockstar.

"Hey, Eds." I hum with a small smile. My heart aches at the sight of him. He's just as pretty as he was when he left.

"Hey, Eds? That's all I get?" he chuckles and walks closer but I feel like I'm glued to the floor. He smiles wider and tosses his arms around me and squeezes me into his chest. God. He even smells the same. I pull away and grab onto the front of the familiar jacket from high school. I scan all the familiar patches and buttons. I skim my fingers along them and sigh. I grab his arm pulling his sleeve up to relieve his tattoo. It's really him.

"It's really you." I whimper as my lip quivers. His fingers lift my chin up and he smiles sweetly.

"Were you hoping for someone else?" He lifts his brow teasingly. I shake my head violently and dive back into a hug. He sighs into my hair and squeezes me tightly into his chest as I choke back tears. Suddenly I hear a big commotion and four other voices.

"Hey, Munson. Where should we park?" Eddie releases me and turns to face the open door.

"Nowhere here," he laughs. "This is just an old friend's house. I had to stop by. We're going to the trailer."

"How are we supposed to all fit in a trailer mate?" A tall buff man hums curiously as his eyes land on me. "Oh. Hello. You must be the old friend." He smiles politely and I nod slowly, sort of confused.

"Oh! Guys com'ere!" Suddenly there are four other guys in my living room all smiling at me and Dustin who looks starstruck. It takes a moment but I recognize these faces. They are the ones I saw on stage at Eddie's band's first show. "Everyone this is Dustin and Indiana. My old friends from high school. we went through hell together." Eddie winks at me and Dustin who chuckles but I'm still stinging from the repeated use of the word friend.

I'm not sure what I expected if he ever came home. It's not like I would be able to confess my love and him say he feels the same and then live happily ever after.

"Devin, Sailor, Gates, and Taylor. Right?" I ask quietly and all their eyes go wide including Eddie's. They all nod and smile at me.

"Awe. Eddie! Do you talk about us?" Gates teases and before Eddie can answer or I can stop myself I'm blurting out more things.

"No. Sorry. I just know your names from articles, shows, and such. Eddie never calls us." I cross my arms over my chest and all the guys look to Eddie who is now looking down at the floor. I sort of feel bad about my snarky comment but it is just the tip of the iceberg. He was my best friend. I am in love with- I was in love with him. And he never even called. Of course, he didn't know I loved him, but still. We were best friends.

"I-" Eddie starts and I wave my hand.

"I'm just joking." I smile and nudge Eddie who looks at me with big brown sad eyes. "Seriously. Don't cry, Munson. It was a joke. You used to like those." I giggle and the others join in but Eddie continues to stare at me. "Uh, do you guys want something to eat?" I ask softly. All the band members say yes but Eddie releases a resounding no. "It's no trouble, Eddie. Also if you wanted to, our mother is out on a business trip this month so we have two spare bedrooms. If you all don't wanna cram into Eddie's trailer." I smile trying to make up for my earlier comment. All their eyes light up but Eddie stares at me with his mouth open.

"Homecooked food and a bed rather than a floor. I'm in heaven." Sailor smiles at me and I politely return the favor.

"I love this girl, Munson!" Taylor cracks a goofy smile and winks at me. I laugh a bit.

"No. No. NO." Eddie shakes his head and waves his hands around. "We can impose like this." Eddie glares at the band for accepting. I grab his shoulder and rub it just like I used to do in high school to calm him down. He looks down at me and smiles softly.

"It's no imposing. I offered. And I know Dustin and I would love to have you here while you're in town." Now all of that was true. I wanted to spend every possible second with him. Even if it would break my heart worse when he leaves again. "How long are y'all here?" I ask the band and they smirk.

"Only a week or two." Taylor nods.

"Yeah, just a nice getaway from all the tabloids and shit." Devin sighs. "Oh shit. Should I not cuss in his presence?" He points to Dustin. I look at Dustin and we both break out into laughter.

"Nah, you're good. I curse more than my sister does." Dustin grins.

"Alright well. You can park behind Eddie's van in the drive and then offload and I'll show you to the rooms." I smile. "I'll start dinner. Dustin help them." I nod as the band smiles and walks out to get their stuff with Dustin in tow.

I turn to head into the kitchen mostly to catch the breath that was knocked out of me as soon as I saw Eddie. I feel cool rings wrap around my upper arm and I look to face Eddie. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"I wanted- I know that I should've... I should've called, Indie. I'm sorry." Eddie stares down at me intensely.

"Eddie, it's fine. You're a big rockstar with a hoard of groupies. I'm sure it's hard to remember the small shit town of Hawkins, Indiana." I smile, afraid that I may start crying.

"I didn't forget about-"

"Eddie! You can stay in my room!" Since there are only two empty bedrooms. That makes the most sense." Dustin mumbles from under a large box of records. I laugh at him as he has obviously started to unpack Eddie's van without him. I packed that box when he left.

"Hey! I'm not moving in, Gremlin!" Eddie lets go of my hand and grabs the box from Dustin. "Only grab my suitcases-"

I use this time to escape into the kitchen. I lean against the counter and feel the pit in my stomach twist and lurch. I feel like I'm going to throw up. The love of my life is staying at my house for maybe two weeks after almost a year of no contact. I hear the boys shuffling around and unpacking which pulls me back to reality.

That's right. Dinner. I have to cook dinner. Fuck. Do we even have food in the house for seven people?

"I invited Steve and Robin! To Dinner! You should invite Chrissy!" Dustin shouts from the hall where one of the landlines is.

"Chrissy Cunningham?" Eddie's voice startles me as I look for a pan.

"Shit." I stand up and hit my head on an open cabinet "Ouchie." I groan and look at Eddie who is already almost on top of me.

"Shit. Are you okay?" He grabs my face and pulls me in to look at the top of my head.

"I'm okay. It's just a bump." I chuckle and pull away. The heat from his skin was enough to burn the feeling of him into my skin for an entirety.

"Oh. sorry." He mumbles and steps away. God. It's like we don't even know each other anymore. This is so awkward.

"Uh, Yea. Cunningham. She and I became friends at Hawkins Community College." I hum as I pull beef cubes from the fridge. "She's really sweet actually." I smile at Eddie who is leaning against the counter and staring over at me.

"Hm. She still dating Jason?" My heart drops.

"Uh, no," I whisper before moving past Eddie into the hall. "Any dietary restrictions?" I shout throughout the house.

"I hate lima beans!"

"I can't have dairy!"

"Nope!"

"Pickles. I hate pickles." Taylor says as he walks past me to the front door to retrieve more things.

"Mkay. Beef stew it is." I say mostly to myself and get a big pot out from under the counter. When I stand up this time I hit a dull surface rather than the sharp edge from earlier. I look to see Eddie's hand wrapped around the corner of the cabinet door I hit earlier.

"You didn't close the door, dork." he huffs and removes his hand from the cabinet, and smirks at me.

"Oh, thank you," I say softly as I close the door.

"Mhm. Need any help?" I glance over my shoulder at him and shake my head.

"Nope." I sigh as I begin to take out carrots and celery. I set them on the counter and grab a cutting board. I wash off the carrots and celery, placing them on the cutting board. Shit. Chrissy. "Dustin! Call Chrissy! See if she can come!"

"OKAY!" Dustin shouts from somewhere in the house. The whole time I'm cutting the veggies I am hyperaware of Eddie's presence. After a few minutes of silence, he speaks up again.

"I should've called." He whispers. I turn to look at him and find him staring at me. "No matter how busy I was, or how busy I am. I should've called you." His voice is low and wavers a few times. I stop chopping and scrape the veggies into the pot. I grab the pot and fill it with water and set the stove high enough to eventually boil the veggies. when that's done I set my eyes on Eddie again. Still having no idea how to respond. So I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Yeah, yeah, you really should have." I sigh and push the hair out of my face. His eyes meet mine and he looks truly disappointed in himself. "Dustin really missed you. A call or two would've been nice. You mean so much to him." I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter across from Eddie.

"And you?" He asks almost immediately.

"What about me?" I ask dumbly, just trying to avoid any feelings I still harbor for Eddie.

"Would you have liked me to call, to talk to you? Not Dustin." His face is scrunched so tight I'm afraid something may be burning. I glance at the veggies and then back to Eddie.

"I... I didn't want you to leave. I'm glad you did. I'm glad your dreams came true. I'm glad you got everything you ever wanted, Eddie, I really am. So don't mistake me when I say I wanted you to stay in Hawkins as something evil and resentful. Please. I just- I wanted you to stay here. I didn't want to have to miss you. So, yes, a call or two would have been nice. To hear from you in a letter would have been fine. Anything. Just a hello. To know you still care about your loser friends back in Hawkins." I force a small laugh at the last part. Eddie stays silent for a moment as he stares at me while I fight back any tears threatening to spill.

"Indie... of course, I still-"

"Party's on bitches!" I hear Steve's voice echo from the living room.

"Where's the man of honor?" Robin chuckles.

"Your fans are waiting, rockstar." I turn to continue cooking. My back facing Eddie, I listen for his footsteps to leave the kitchen. I break down. Tears fall like waterfalls down my cheeks.

I hate that the love I have for him didn't fade even a little in his absence. I'm still just as in love with him as I was the day he left. My heart aches in my chest when I feel a small hand on my back. I jump and wipe my face before turning around to see Chrissy. I nearly start sobbing again out of relief.

"Dustin told me over the phone and I broke like all the traffic laws to get here as soon as possible. I figured you'd be... upset." Chrissy's voice is light and gentle as she pulls me into a hug.

"Very upset," I confirm as I hide my face in her shoulder. She rubs her hand up and down my back slowly as everyone else laughs and goofs around in the living room. I hear introduction happening, band stories beginning, Eddie. His voice so clear to me.

"Come on. I'll help you finish making dinner for this small basketball team." Chrissy giggles. "Beef stew?" She asks and I nod as she moves to turn the water down and check the veggies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wow. This is... this is amazing!" Devin mumbles through his mouthful of food.

"Thanks," I smile, "Chrissy helped a lot though." I nod towards Chrissy who is seated right next to me.

"Nah. It was mostly, Indie." Chrissy laughs and continues to eat. Conversations flow throughout dinner.

The band tells embarrassing stories about Eddie and their tours. I stare down into my food listening to the secondhand accounts of Eddie's life. A life I used to know so well, better than my own. "Oh! And then we totally walked in on Eddie getting it on with a groupie! Like. GOING. AT. IT." Sailor chuckles nudging Devin. "Right Dev?"

"Oh yea! Shit was wild."

"Guys. Stop. They don't want to hear about my sex life." Eddie mumbles into his fork.

"Who here objects to all the embarrassing Eddie hookup stories?" Sailor asks with a smirk. No one object so he dives into another one while Eddie hides his face in his hands. I feel Chrissy's hand on my shoulder and I look over at her. The sympathy on her face was painful. It showed how broken I must look. I look down at the table as Sailor talks about Eddie making out with some chick in the crowd.

"I just realized we have no desert," I mumble and look up at everyone. They all look at me and smile sweetly. Everyone says it's okay and to not worry about it, but I'm looking for any excuse to get the fuck out of here. "No, no. I'll run and get something!" I force a big smile. "It's your vacation right guys?" The band all smiles at me sweetly.

"So you're like an angel or something?" Gates says in a fake dreamy voice.

"Or something." I wink at them. "Any requests?"

"Oooo chocolate cake if you can find any?" Sailor hums and winks at me. I smile and pick my plate up off the table. Robin and Steve try to catch my attention but I ignore them. They also know about my crush on Eddie, well, I suppose it's more than just a crush now. They, just like Chrissy must be able to tell that I am trying to escape.

"I'll look!" I walk into the kitchen and set my plate down on the counter. As I walk past the table again I get shouts of thank yous and love yous and you're the bests. I laugh a bit but then Eddie speaks up.

"I'll come," he says definitively. "I gotta pick stuff up from the trailer so I'll drive and we can stop there."

"Uh, or I could go with Indie, and you could just go to your trailer," I turn at Chrissy's sweet voice trying to save me. Eddie chuckles and grabs his jacket off the back of his chair and walks toward me.

"I think we're good." He smiles politely and Chrissy looks at me frantically. I nod at her and walk out the door heading towards Eddie's van. A more than familiar sight.

It's silent in the van on the way to Eddie's trailer. I watch the sun as it continues to set and I try to find comfort in the familiar smell of his van but it only hurts my chest more. Eddie turns his music up a bit to fill the silence, at least some things are still the same. As we pull up to the trailer Uncle Wayne is sitting outside smoking a cigarette. Both Eddie and I hop out once he kills the ignition. Wayne basically runs to his nephew and throws his arms around him. Bringing him into a tight hug.

"Gosh. Kiddo. Where have you been?!" Wayne pulls back and laughs. "Everywhere." He answers his own question. Eddie laughs and squeezes his uncle's shoulder.

"No kidding." Eddie glances back at me, "Uncle you remember Indie, right?" Wayne gives Eddie a strange look and Eddie frowns.

"Kiddo. Indie comes over every Friday to watch wheel of fortune." Wayne chuckles and walks over to hug me. I fall into his fatherly arms for a hug. When we part Wayne continues. "She's never missed a Friday. Ever. She's always here and always on time." Wayne smiles proudly at me and I laugh. "She even cooks lunches for me now that I'm working the day shifts."

"Oh?" Eddie smiles at his uncle and glances at me.

"Mhm. Someone's gotta take care of this old man," he mumbles and waves us inside. Eddie holds the door and allows me to go in first and once inside I lean against the counter as Wayne pulls out a pitcher of sweet tea I made him last Friday.

"You're running low. Do you want me to make some more?" I ask softly and Wayne's eyes widen.

"Oh absolutely!" He sets the jug down and grabs three random mugs off the counter, one of them being one I got him from one of Eddie's shows. The Chicago show. That was quite the weekend trip with Chrissy. I smile thinking back on it. "Eddie. Indie's sweet tea is the best drink you'll ever have." Wayne pours all three of us a mug and hands them out.

"Oh, did you like that pasta I tried the other day?" I ask as Wayne leans against the fridge. He hums in response.

"Good. A little spicy. But put a nice tang in my mouth." He chuckles.

"Okay. I'll tone down the spice next time and you'll have to let me know if it's better." I chuckle and take a sip of tea. For a second I forget about Eddie being here. It truly just feels like a wheel of fortune night.

"Um, how did you get this?" Eddie questions looking at his mug. He meets his uncle's eyes with questioning ones. Wayne looks at me and smiles.

"Did you two just reunite? Good lord. It's like you're living on two different planets." Wayne chuckles and points to me. "Indie got it from your, uh, Chicago right," I nod, "Yeah, your Chicago show." Wayne's words make Eddie whip his head to look at me.

"You came to a show? My show?" He mumbles softly.

I shrug, "Yeah, a few, whenever I could afford it or had the time to go. Uh, didn't you say you needed to grab some things? We still need to go pick up desert before the store closes." I answer quickly and calmly trying to avoid the interrogation I could feel coming on. Wayne frowns at me. He's known I've liked Eddie ever since we were ten. He's still hopeful, but, after the stories that were told tonight, it doesn't seem likely. Not that it even seemed likely before Eddie left if I'm being honest with myself.

"Oh. Yeah." Eddie sets his mug down and heads to his room in the back of the trailer. My heart drops when I remember that sometimes Uncle Wayne would let me stay in Eddie's room if it was super late or if I wanted space.

"Shit," I mumble and set my mug down. I hear Wayne chuckle to himself as I rush to the room and find Eddie looking around at my papers and clothes everywhere. He turns to me when he hears me step on the creaky floorboard in his doorway. "Uh, sorry. Sometimes I say here on Friday nights if it's late or uh, if I need a study space or something." I frantically begin to pick up my clothes off the floor and stack my papers that are filled with poems and letters that I never sent. I turn to face Eddie with a pile of papers in my hand and he frowns.

"You stay here?" He mumbles.

"Yes. But I promise I only touched your acoustic once. And it was simply to move it." I sigh and set the paper on his old desk that he rarely used. I force a small laugh when silence begins to fill the room.

"You... You sleep here?" He asks slowly as I turn to face him. I tilt my head and knit my brows together.

"Yeah, do you want me to... not do that?" I ask feeling a little confused and flustered.

"Nonono. That's- Sorry, that's not what I meant I just... I guess I'm getting flashbacks to hanging out in here, with you. Sleeping in my bed on late nights, or talking at the ceiling right next to one another." He smiles at me and I feel a blush begin to heat up my face.

"Um, yeah, those were the days." I laugh and pick up my pile of clothes tossing them into the corner. "Sorry. It's so... messy." I look down at my feet when I hear Eddie step closer. I look up to meet his gaze and he places his hand on top of my hand and lets it slide down the side of my hair and pauses at my face.

"Stop apologizing, love." He smiles and moves to grab some of his things. Completely unaware of the sudden breathing problem I am experiencing.

"Right." I sigh and quickly exit the room. When I get back in the kitchen with Wayne he smirks at me.

"Confessed yet?"

"Wayne," I warn softly. He shrugs and chuckles to himself.

"Now would be the time, Indie. You waited last time and look where that got you."

"Wayne, please. I don't even know him like that anymore." I huff and push my hair from my face trying to remove the tingle of his touch.

"Yet, your feelings remain unchanged, no?" He smirks.

"You're just like your nephew." I huff and grab my tea again. He hums as if he is thinking. Before he can say anything else I cut in softly again, barely even a whisper. "Besides. Super famous, wanted by everyone, rockstar, Eddie Munson would never want me like I want him. My chance has long passed." As I finish I hear Eddie drop something in his room.

"Fuck." He scoffs as he pushes his door open and heads towards the kitchen. "Damn box is so flimsy." He mumbles to both of us.

"What is in it?" Wayne questions.

"Uh, some old photos and stuff I want to take on the rest of the tour." Eddie smiles and my heart skips several beats. He looks at me and his eyes sparkle a bit. "I'm ready when you are." He hums.

"Hold on. Wayne, where that pot?" Wayne points to the cabinet under the sink. I quickly whip it out and light the stove. I fill the pot with water and grab three four tea bags from the counter. "Okay let this boil. not simmer, boil, but not boil over, for about 20 minutes. Then let it cool a little bit while it's still warm put three and a half cups of sugar, then toss some lemon slices in there. And you're all set. But remember the pitcher is plastic and will melt if you put the hot tea in there. So after the sugar let it cool. And don't put ice in the pitcher. It'll water it down." I give Wayne instructions and then place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Okay?"

"What would I do without you?" Wayne covers his heart and chuckles.

"Probably shrivel up and die of thirst or hunger." I giggle. Wayne nods in agreement and gives me a big hug then he maneuvers around the box Eddie is holding to hug him.

"I'll come back later this week," Eddie assures his uncle as they break their embrace.

"You should come with Indie on Wednesday. It's the trailer park cookout." Wayne winks at us. I roll my eyes and head towards the door with Eddie close behind.

"Love ya, Wayne," I giggle as I exit the trailer.

"Love you, sweetheart." He hums, "Be nice to her, kiddo." He tells Eddie before the trailer door closes.

In the van, silence takes over again. Music blasting as we pull into the supermarket lot. Eddie turns off the radio and turns to look at me, the van still running. I look over at him and frown in confusion.

"You okay?" I ask, tilting my head.

"No." He sighs. "I'm not okay. I ran away." He rubs his hands over his face before meeting my gaze.

"I thought that if I got far enough away. All the things here, all my feelings tied to this place, I thought they would disappear. But they haven't." I watch as tears swell in his eyes. I quickly grab his hands and wrap them in mine.

"Eddie. You weren't running away if you were chasing your dreams." I smile at him and that's when the dam breaks. Tears stream down his face and he brings my hands to his face. "Eds. Please. Please don't cry. You escaped Hawkins. Do you know how talented you have to be to do that? How determined?" I gently pull my hands from his to push his tear-damp hair off his cheeks. "I'm proud of you, Eddie." I smile at him as he stares over at me. "You did what we always wanted to do. Leave. Being a super famous rockstar is just a plus." I giggle and he shakes his head.

"Stop that." He grabs my hands and holds them against his cheeks again. "Stop saying that. I'm not a rockstar. I'm just Eddie." I want to agree with him but I don't.

"That's not true." His eyes widen in fear. "You're not Eddie anymore. You're... different now." I hum softly. "It's not a bad thing. People change. I mean, we changed." He shakes his head and tears threaten to spill again.

"No. No, I'm the same, Eddie. I feel the same as when I left, I am the same. You-"

"My Eddie never would have disappeared. You're not the same." I pull away from him and open the door to the van. "I'm gonna run inside and get a few deserts. Stay here and calm down. I don't want this to be how we spend the week-"

"Two weeks." He huffs.

"Maybe," I counter.

"Indie, please, I want to tell you everything." He cries as I jump out of the van.

"Eddie. Stop it. Please. I've heard enough of your hookups, happy band memories, and reasons why you left me all alone! Just stop it! Please." I turn to him with tears running down my face and he gasps a bit. "Eddie. Please stop crying. It's making me sad." I wipe my face and rush inside the supermarket.

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

Okay! That's part one. I'm kinda in love with this story. Hope y'all enjoy.

Peace and Love, Babes!

Read part two

[yourmidnightlover]

never go back

Summary: spencer notices how your boyfriend takes advantage of you and finally does something about it.

TW: titty sucking, oral (female receiving), cheating, dom!spencer, scratching, slapping (only one), cursing, choking, spencer dirty talk lol, penetrative sex, creampie. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,724

A/N - i'm using noah as the 'other man' schtick in probably all of my future one shots bc i can't find it within myself to create a new character each and every time. so your douche of a bf will always be noah miller. if you ever get a nice bf i'll be sure to change his name but for now this is what we're working with. got it? got it.

masterlist

-------------------------------

there are many things that people should go back to. schooling, maybe an old job, an old vacation spot.

your boyfriend was not one of those things.

mostly because your boyfriend sucked.

it was now a fact that spencer reid himself had come to believe quite a while ago and now, well now he had reason.

he had always felt as though you were too good for noah, similar for practically anyone in existence (himself included). he was always a complete ass to you no matter the circumstance.

there was one time the entire team had been back really late from a case that took a toll on all of you. it was emotionally and physically draining. the flight back had been delayed because of weather issues in the state you had been in, meaning you couldn't leave until days after it was solved.

any time you had gone to answer the phone, spencer would be able to see your stance and body language through the glass window. you had been apologizing for something you couldn't even control. you would narrow your brows the way you only did when you were being yelled at. you bit your lip the way you did when you were being made to feel guilty.

he was guilt tripping you for something you couldn't even control.

when you had gotten back it wasn't any better. noah had been giving you the cold shoulder. he was defensive when you asked what was wrong.

and that was only 3 weeks into the relationship.

after being together for 2 months, you had gotten flowers delivered on your desk. you assumed they were from your boyfriend, reasonably so, and went to go thank him. spencer saw the shock in your eyes when you saw your boyfriend huddled in the corner with some new intern. spencer saw the look in your eye change from sadness to anger in the blink of his own.

you took a deep breath, and walked away from the situation, completely missing the way he tucked the intern's hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper something to make her giggle. when you got back to your desk you threw the flowers in the garbage can, not even bothering to read the note.

it was pretty indirect, but looking into it he realized it was an issue that should've been addressed. every time the team would go out together, everyone was clearly invited. you would always decline because 'noah wanted to take me out tonight' or 'noah said he needs me, so i'll have to rain check'.

it wasn't because you were a bad person, the opposite actually. it was because noah was taking advantage of your kindness.

because any time you needed him, 'noah's out with the boys' or 'noah had to work late' or, here's a kicker, 'noah had a hard time at work'. as if you don't have a hard time looking at dead bodies while he just has to write up reports.

even when you got injured during a case, shot in the shoulder, noah seemed as though he couldn't have cared less. he wouldn't even go to your apartment to visit you while you were in recovery because 'noah didn't have time to visit'.

spencer could even recall when you went out with the girls one night, spencer being the designated driver, that you had told them how 'noah didn't want you to dress too provocatively so you had to wear something more modest'.

now, spencer doesn't care all to much about what you wear because, frankly, it's none of his business. but now that he heard how noah cared oh-so-much, he decided to wrack his brain for the 'provocative' outfits you've worn. there was not a single one that anyone should make a comment about. you looked stunning no matter what you wore, so you'd grab any man's attention no matter the clothing on your body.

but spencer? he made sure to never be that much of an asshole to you. he made sure to make up for him being an asshole.

he would grab you some morning coffee like you always had before you had a boyfriend. he would make sure to tell you that you looked lovely when you were able to go out with the team. he would visit you when you injured yourself and were lonely, he even stayed back for a few days with you to help you get through it.

hell, he was the one to get you the flowers. you had been having a rough week and spencer thought it might cheer you up. he had gifted you a bouquet of 12, blue chiffon flowers because those were your favorite.

but this was his breaking point. you had come to his apartment, once again in the middle of the night, talking about noah fucking miller cheating on you.

he had done it once before when he was 'out with the boys' you decided to stop by when he said he'd be back, wanting to just be the amazing girlfriend that you are. so when you walk in and hear your boyfriend moaning along with another woman that isn't you, you immediately run back out. you run back out and drive all the way to spencer's.  

and here you are again. spencer wasn't mad at you, it was noah he was mad at. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

spencer had always liked you, no, he's always loved you. everything about you. how could he not? you're perfect.

but loving you how he does and seeing you being used as a toy to fuck for a certain noah miller not only made his heart ache but also made his blood boil.

spencer wasn't an idiot. he had heard the way the old morgan had referred to women. the thing is, noah is way more of a fuckboy than the old morgan ever was. and that scared spencer to pieces. he knew that you would only be missing out on team outings just to get fucked by a douchebag. he knew that the only reason said douchebag wouldn't visit you was because you couldn't fuck. he knew that the reason said douchebag was cornering that intern was to fuck her, too.

so when you arrived at spencer's place, this time you weren't crying. you were furious. you were angry and upset, as was spencer.

"he did it again, spence," you breathed out as you paced across his living room floor. "i was supposed to meet him in a few hours but i was going to surprise him and i caught him with another tramp! i didn't even confront him. i just- i just left!"

"cheated? noah?" he asked as if he didn't believe it at first, not wanting to seem like as much of a dick as noah.

"yes! cheated. god! i am so ANGRY!" you ran your hand through your hair, a grunt leaving your mouth. "and... and frustrated! and... UGH!" you sighed aggressively.

"and what?" spencer asked as he stood up, slowly making his way to you. "what else?" he said, his hand now brushing that stubborn strand of hair behind your ear.

"i-i'm..." you trailed off, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit how much you loved spencer. but you thought he'd never love you like that. not since you helped him through jj getting married. he really thought she was it for him, at least that's what you'd come to think he believed. over the years you had grown so much closer and grown such an attraction for each other that the other person knew about. it was ironic, truly.

"say it, y/n," spencer leaned over you, his lips ghosting over yours. "i need to hear you say it."

"god, just kiss me," you said, your hands flying to the back of his hair to push his mouth to yours.

there was no hesitation from spencer to give you everything he had. his hand on the side of your face remained there as his other hand drifted to your waist to pull you closer to his body. your tongues met fervently with covetous, passion, and longing yet with just gentle firmness that felt protecting and as if it was how everything was supposed to be.

"please, spencer," you quietly whispered once you unlatched from one another.

"please what, princess," he asked, his hand running through your hair.

"i just... i need you," she pleaded with him, her hands still tugging gently on his hair. "please," you put your foreheads together, breathing in each others air as you silently begged him to help you in any way that he could.

"i'd do anything for you," he whispered so delicately as if the entire team were standing right beside you. "you know i'd do anything for you."

"then do something," you demanded.

spencer took action by kissing you just as intensely as before, this time his hands went to your ass. he grabbed your thighs to signal for you to jump, once you did you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you into his bedroom. he set you down just in front of the bed before you began to undo his shirt, him returning the favor by undoing yours.

"god, i've wanted you for so long," he growled, nipping gently at your earlobe as he laid you back on the bed. "lift your hips," he ordered, you obeyed his every command. you always would. "good girl," he praised as he ran his hands down your now bare waist.

"please," you begged, your hips bucking up to get any source of friction. "spencer..." you trailed off.

"i know, princess. i know," he said before climbing on top of you, connecting your lips with his once again, this time much more eager than before if that were possible.

as you arched your back, he took the opportunity to unclasp the hook on your bra. you shrugged it off your shoulders to allow him to throw the bra somewhere else in his room. he finally took a breath, removing his lips from yours to admire the view in front of him.

"god, you're so beautiful," he growled before placing gentle but eager kisses along the tops of your breasts, massaging the one his mouth wasn't on.

he pressed his knee between your legs, allowing you to buck your hips up to get that release you wanted so bad. you whined as he took your nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking past it rapidly as he occasionally nibbled on it gently.

"spen-spencer," you ran your hands through his hair, tugging gently on the roots.

"mmm," he sat his head up, trailed kisses up your throat. "god, i love you so much."

"i-i love you," you moaned, pulling his head up to connect your lips together. "i love you so so much."

"i'm so glad to hear that," he huffed a sigh of relief. "because otherwise it'd be awkward when i did this," he began trailing kisses down your body, leading down towards your center. "i'll show you what it's like to be with a man that actually loves and respects you, yea? show you what it feels like to actually be pleased by a man? what it's like to be with a real man?" he teased.

his fingers trailed around your entrance, gathering your arousal that'd been building for what felt like ages. he pressed gentle kisses around your pussy before finally connecting his lips with your clit, a low groan emitting from your body because of the contact.

"yes, please," you shot your head back, relishing in the feeling of the direct skin contact.

"hey," spencer slapped your thigh, your head shot back up to see him between your legs, a truly beautiful sight that you'd never get tired of. "eyes on me," he demanded before going back down on you, not breaking eye contact as he brought out sounds from you that you weren't even sure you could make. "talk to me, princess. let me know how it feels."

"fe-feels so good," you sighed, taking your breasts in your hands and massaging them. "i-i can-can't even think," you stuttered out, too caught up in the pleasure to form a coherent sentence.

you had felt so good as he sucked on your clit, succeeding in bringing you closer to the edge than noah ever has, but when he inserted two fingers into your entrance...

"oh my fuck!" your hands shot down to grab onto his locks, pushing him further into your body, a low groan leaving him.

his fingers didn't stop their work. he curled them at just the right spot, sending you flying over the edge. spencer used his free hand to grab onto your thigh to keep them from closing in completely on his head, still working you through your high. he placed a kiss on your clit once more before he brought his head up to you, connecting your lips passionately.

"could noah ever make you come like that? huh? could he make you feel so good you could barely even think?" he grabbed your chin in his hands, holding it in place to look at him as you shook your head the best you could. "no?"

"mm-mm," you tried to shake your head 'no' once more.

"did you think of him while i was going down on you? were you thinking about how he fucked that little tramp?" he asked harshly, you shook your head 'no' again. "oh, what were you thinking, princess?" he finally released your face so you could speak.

"ab-about how well you know my body. about how, how good you looked between my legs. about how much i love you," you replied quickly, knowing exactly what to say.

"right answer," he connected your lips once more. "what do you want, love?" he asked, peppering soft kisses along your jaw where his hands once held your throat firmly.

"you. i-i want you in-inside me," you swallowed, your hand finding his and pulling it up to your lips to press a kiss to it, then another, then another, then another. "please, doctor?" you used your best puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn't resist.

"god, call me that again," he rasped lowly.

"what... doctor?" you took his hand and started sucking on his fingers, letting them slip in and out slowly and then moving onto the next.

"fuck, yes," he growled as he pressed another kiss to your lips before lining himself up at your center. "are you sure, princess?" he traced your jaw with the fingers you were previously sucking on.

"yes, sir," you nodded. "i'm sure."

you felt him slowly push inside of you slowly to allow you to adjust to his size. you had your suspicions of how big he was, but feeling him inside of you made it all much more real.

"fuck, you're so tight," he moaned into your ear quietly as he slowly pulled back out, going in just as slow.

"sp-spence-"

"wrong," he slapped your face gently, a whimper leaving your lips before he grasped your face to make you look him in the eyes.

"doc-doctor," you corrected yourself.

"good girl," he said, feeling your pussy clench from the praise. "oh you like that?" he felt it again. "maybe you just like hearing me talk, yea?" his pace began picking up slowly. "you like hearing how this pussy makes me feel? how tight... and warm... and wet it is?"

"u--uh huh," you nodded your head the best you could as he began thrusting much more rapid, hitting that special spot inside of you with each movement.

"it seems like you haven't felt this good in a long time huh? haven't had your pussy pounded like this in a while?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"ne-never, doctor," you confirmed, hands reaching around his back and dragging your nails down, surely leaving scratch marks all down them.

"fuck," he growled. "noah never made you feel this good princess? never made you forget how to speak in sentences? never knew how to get you going like this?"

"n-no, no! never! god, never!" you cried as you pulled his body even closer to you. "i-i'm close, please!"

"you wanna come all over my dick, yea? you want to show me how much your pussy loves it when a real man fucks it?"

that was it to let that spring burst inside of you, parts flying everywhere. you cried his name as he worked you through your orgasm, holding onto his shoulders and hair to keep you grounded.

"cum inside me, please," you begged. "fi-fill me up."

"fuck, whatever you want, princess," he kept pounding into you at a rapid pace. "god, i'm gonna come inside you, and send you back to that scumbag of a boyfriend so he can see that you're mine now. so he can see what happens when his girlfriend is mistreated and fucked by someone who knows what they're doing, yea?"

"yea, yea!" you whined, nails digging back into his skin as he released his load into you, thrusting it gently back inside after.

"god, i love you so much," he moaned into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek by your ear.

"i love you," you replied, stroking his hair to help him come down, him still inside of you. he began thrusting inside of you once again.

"don't want any of it to spill out before you get to him," he felt you clench around him one more time. "you're very responsive, princess. i like that about you."

"it-it's just you, spence. it's always been you," you pulled him in for another kiss.

this one was full of passion but not the kind of eagerness. it was full of desire and longing, pent up emotions flowing out into one another fluidly.

"now let me go see my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," you huffed as he pulled out of you, wincing from the overstimulation. "i'll see you later?"

"i'll see you later," he pressed a kiss to your forehead before helping you gather your clothes.

driving back to his apartment, you felt rather giddy with yourself. should you have felt bad? absolutely not. he's a manipulative asshole who's used you for sex on numerous occasions, so he deserved the bittersweet irony of what was coming to him.

*get it, coming to him? lol i'm sorry i had to :)*

you knocked on the door softly, greeted by a rather chipper noah who grabbed your face as soon as he saw you, connecting your lips. his kiss was nothing like spencer's. his lips weren't as soft and tentative. they weren't plump and round, they were harsh and rough and unpleasant.

he quickly led you to the bedroom, not to your surprise. he sat down on the bed, you straddled his hips, acting as if it were spencer instead - which was pretty hard to do after knowing what he was like in the sack.

you felt his boner through his pants quickly after you got on top of him. then when he flipped you over and pulled your pants and underwear down, he was met with a surprise.

"someone's excited to see me," he chuckled before licking a thick stripe from your slit to clit, very aggressive to where it almost hurt to have the pressure. "god you taste so good, doll."

he continued at this for a while, inserting his tongue to your hole very once in a while and licking up yours and spencer's arousal with it. you faked your moans and whimpers as his ministrations became more eager, not really getting you anywhere.

after he was finished with your turn - no, he didn't even make you cum - he laid back on the bed as if he were waiting for you to get on top of him again.

"actually," you stood up from the bed, pulling up your clothes with you. "i'm done with this. we're over."

you watched his face as he took in the information just released to him. it changed from surprised and shocked, to confused, to disgusted, to angry and frustrated.

"what the fuck?" he sat up from the bed, a disgruntled look on his face. "you wait until after you cum to tell me this?" he walked over to you, arms flailing in the air.

"yea. i did. and by the way, i didn't cum," you informed him. "that's something you've never really been good at making me do. although i'm not sure how you've been able to convince me to do anything with the way you treat me."

"what do you mean? i'm a good gu-"

"shut up for one second, please," you rolled your eyes, running your hand through your hair. "i know you've cheated on me numerable times. i stayed because i thought that maybe there was a reason, but i've come to realize that i was just... settling with you," you shrugged.

"you've treated me like crap since this 'relationship' started and i'm tired of it. i know someone who not only treats me with respect and kindness, but can also actually make me cum. shocker," you chuckled.

"who is this asshole? what the hell-"

"i wasn't finished, sweetie," you spat out viciously. "he's not an asshole. you're the asshole. you're the one that's getting dumped. so this is goodbye," you turned around to walk out of his room before leaving him with one more thought. "how did his cum taste with mine?" you tilted your head innocently, smiling at his shocked face as he realized what you meant before walking out.

and you were never more glad that you didn't have to go back to him anymore.

taglist:

@muffin-cup​ @greenprisca​ @averyhotchner​ 

[hiraethenthusiast]

"I love you most."| t.h.

pairing: actor!tom x reader

warnings: floof attack.

synopsis: tom gives you the best wedding you could've gotten. he's in love with you madly, that's what he says.

a/n: guess who wants this? i do. i absolutely adore a loving husband no matter what, and i adore heartfelt gifts even more! i hope you all like this fic, this one's really close to me! tpwk everyone!

listen to clinton kane's i guess i'm in love

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“So do you, Y/N Y/L/N take Tom as your lawfully wedded husband?” The priest asks you while you and Tom look at him with impatience in your eyes.

“I do.” You say, making everyone cheer and making Tom smile.

“And do you Tom Ho-” “I do!” He shouts before the priest could even complete his sentence, making everyone at the altar erupt into laughs.

“Let him finish bubba” You laugh along, signalling the priest to go on when Tom mutters a small ‘sorry’ to him.

“Do you, Tom Holland, take Y/N Y/L/N as your lawfully wedded wife?” He asks again, while Tom looks at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

“I do.” And everyone cheers once again, and you gently squeeze his hand.

“So I shall now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The priest says lastly before getting off the stage and as if on queue, Tom sweeps you under his arms and holds your waist before pressing his lips to yours. The moment was wholeheartedly content, his and your parents, both with tears in their eyes, even Paddy and Harry shed a few, because the moment was so pure to just not cry at. Tom kisses you as if he was the luckiest man on Earth, like he had achieved something which he thought he could never. He pulls back to look at you beaming with the biggest smile he’s seen on you in years, and smiles to himself once again.

This was the best day of both of your lives till now, and there was no doubt about it.

After 4 years of being together, Tom finally proposed to you, and then forgot where he kept the ring, but you couldn’t care less because the man you were in love with was now, going to be a forever favourite in your lives. And today, he was now your husband from your fiance, and you couldn’t be anymore happier.

You both settle down after roaming from one place to another greeting every guest that had attended your wedding, finally for a drink and some food. Harrison sits right behind you, completing the duties of best man with all his will, and you smile at him. The twins and Paddy come in a bit later, but your eyes are looking for someone else. Where’s Tom? Your question was answered when you hear the clinking of a glass, just to find your handsome husband there.

“May I have your attention please?” He looks directly at you and you blow him a kiss, him pretending to catch it making everyone laugh. Actors.

“Thank you all for attending and being a part of our very wonderful day, I swear you guys are our favourite people” He says while chuckling.

“Today is the day I married my wonderful and stunning lover, Y/N and in recognition of that, I decided to give you the best gift of this evening.” He says, making you wonder what he got for you.

“I remember when Y/N once told me that she always loves heartfelt and handmade gifts filled with love more than people buying her the gift of her choice. She likes the element of surprise, as she likes to say. So Y/N my darling, I thought you might notice and scold me for it but you didn’t, not even once in this 4 year old relationship, and trust me this is going to shock you. I’ve managed to record every important and goofy moment of our lives, from falling on a staircase to the time I proposed to you, I have it all. I’ve compiled them into one sweet video for you, while your favourite singer of them all, Mr. Clinton Kane sings a song for us! Please give him a huge round of applause!” You jerk your head to the place where Clinton enters from, and he waves at you making you wave instinctively as well.

You look back again towards Tom, who was smiling sweetly at your little fangirl moment and continues.

“I’d also like to thank Harrison and Harry for helping me edit this video, because I’m literally so dumb without anyone of these four with me.”

“Can you put the lights out and start the video please?” He asks one of the workers there at the venue, and jogs up to sit down beside you, giving you a small peck while you take a hold of his hand.

And on queue, the lights are dimmed and the video starts to play. You can hear the faint strumming of the guitar that Clinton is currently playing, but you aren’t able to identify the song just yet. You look ahead towards the screen, and your eyes light up when you see Tom dressed up in his wedding tuxedo, you finally realising that this bit was filmed just a few hours ago.

“Hello my lovely wife! Well, I’m filming this part before the ceremony starts but I think I’m pretty certain on showing you this video after we’re married. This was...boring. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video my love, and don’t hit me when we get home! I love you so so so much, enjoy!” He says before shutting off his camera, while everyone laughs at his goofiness and you glare at him playfully. The video rolls again and you look forward, but suddenly realise the song. It’s ‘I Guess I’m In Love’, you say to yourself. Tom had proposed to you after a few days when the song came out, and somehow on the night of him proposing, this song was played. You labelled it ‘our song’ and he happily obliged. 

“Haz hold the camera correctly for god's sake...” You hear your husband’s voice and move your head towards the screen, smiling brightly.

“Oh I’m obsessed. With the way your head is laying on my chest.” Clinton starts, immediately soothed by the presence of your lover and the melody in your ears.

“I am holding the camera nicely mate bugger off! Nikki taught me well!” Harrison says in the background making everyone giggle.

“She’s coming shut up” 

“What’s this Tom?” You ask him, as he looks at you like a kid in love.

“Y/N”

“Tom” You say in the same manner, feeling anxious by the second.

“So we’ve been dating for 4 years and trust me those have been the most beautiful four years of my life. I know this is so out of the blue, but Y/N Y/L/N, will you do the favour of marrying the person who loves you immensely? A.k.a. Tom?" He says and you laugh. You hold on for a few seconds, looking in his eyes which were filled with desperation.

"Yes" You say and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. He can't stop beaming and searches for the ring in his pocket, only to find out that he didn't have it.

"Oh I'm a mess. When I overthink the little things in my head."

"I have the ring I promise." He says, moving frantically.

"Tom-"

"I swear I kept the ring in my pocket-"

"Tom-"

"How can I be this stupid you probably don't want to marry me anymore-"

"TOM!" He jerks his head towards you as you shout his name.

"It's okay. I just want you right now." You say and he immediately hugs you, the tightest of them all.

The clip ends and you knew the tears were coming very soon, Tom senses the action and rubs your knuckles., giving you a hearty smile.

The second clip rolls in soon, your eyes brightening almost instantly.

"You seem to always help me catch my breath. But then I lose it again, when I look at you, that's the end."

"Why the hell are we on the top of the Eiffel Tower? And why do you want your phone to crash?" You ask him, while he struggles to make a video with his phone while the winds roar at the top of the monument.

"Because I want to remember this moment!" He shouts, making you smile even more.

"My goof"

"Your goof"

"You're lucky I love you"

"I wouldn't have it any other way darling" He says and gives you a quick peck on the lips, this moment too pure to realise.

"Why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes? And butterflies can't stop me falling for you."

"Now we may invite, a very handsome young lad, who happens to be Spiderman, Mr. Tom Holland!" Harry shouts in the video, while you all pretended to have a grand gala when you couldn't attend Tom's premiere.

He walks in wearing a black tuxedo, his shirt buttons open from the top, looking dashing.

"Thank you for inviting Harold, but please, call the star of today's night." Tom says, making everyone groan about how in love he was with you.

"Patience Thomas. Now may I present, the queen of today's night, Ms. Y/N Y/L/N!" Everyone applauds as you walk down the stairs as you hear your name. You reach the door wearing a red and black dress, the clothing complementing your body more than ever. Everyone seems to keep clapping but your attention is towards that one dummy, who's standing like he's seen a ghost.

"..Oh wow." He's speechless, and everyone knows it. You blush at your boyfriend's gesture and nudge him in the shoulder, as a signal to stop staring.

"I hope you all understand that I scored a jackpot, thank you" He sees and everybody laughs.

You laugh along with the other guests, remembering the faint memory from over two years back. This was one of the most fun nights you've had with Tom. While you laugh at the clip, all Tom can do is stare at you in awe. How did he get so lucky, he thinks. He watches how your face glows when you see someone happy on the screen. He truly was blessed.

"And darling this is more than anything I've felt before. You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find. Someone who was worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak. But I know now I've found the one I love."

"Please don't go" You sniffle on Tom's shoulder, asking him to stay one last time before his flight leaves for Atlanta.

"If it was in my hands darling I'd never leave your side." He says, trying to hold back tears.

"It's okay, I understand." You say, pulling back and clearing your throat.

"Awh Y/N please don't cry." Tom tries to persuade his emotions by telling you to stop, but a tear falls down his cheeks in an instant.

"I'm sorry." You say, chuckling lightly, making Tom chuckle too.

"I'll be back before you know it."

"I know you will be"

"Please board the flight for Atlanta which leaves at 1330 hours" The flight attendant announces, and you know it's time to let him go.

"Come back home to me soon okay?" You say, wiping your tears.

"As soon as possible"

"I love you" He says.

"I love you more."

"I love you most." You can't argue with that now.

"Bye bubba" You say, giving him one last kiss, a very long one indeed, that left you both searching for oxygen.

"Bye darling" And he leaves to board his flight. You look in the same direction until he disappears and you turn around.

"Harrison, are you crying?"

"No-" He sniffles and you laugh.

You knew you were going to cry as soon as you saw the location. This was one of the hardest moments of your life, letting your lover go away from you for so long, and you weren't ready for that. You wiped your tears while Tom rubbed your hand with one of his, the other cleaning his tear stained face. You look back to see Harrison crying once again, and you laugh a bit at him before giving him your hand for comfort. He really was the best man. You blow a kiss to your family and Tom's, who were currently high on emotions. Even the brothers had tears in their eyes. You really did get the best family.

"And I love the way. You can never find the right things to say. And you can't sit still an hour in the day. I'm so in love, let's run away because us is enough."

The rest of the video were some clips of you and Tom being goofy and so in love, which were a delight to watch. The song played in the background, adding its own special touch, which was necessary to bind this moment together. All these moments which Tom managed to shoot secretly were a lifelong reminder of how much your person loved you. He loved you.

And that is all you need.

The video gets over and Tom looks at you with puppy eyes.

"So, how was it?"

"You're the reason my makeup is ruined and I have mascara stains" You say, laughing while crying.

"That good, huh?"

"That good." You say and he pulls you in for a hug and kisses your forehead.

"I love you bubba"

"I love you more" He says, kissing your cheek.

"I love you most." 

He couldn't argue with that.

"But I know now I've found the one I love."

--------------------------------------------------------------

tagging some friends who'd like to read!

@evanssimpybaby @hollandsmushroom @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @leafy-holland @t-lostinworlds

[brummiereader]

What an incredible chapter Reb 👏😍! This was a rollercoaster of emotions from start to finish and by the end I swear I stopped breathing 😯! Arghhhh REB!! My heart was beating so fast in the last scene, it nearly happened 😩! But Tommy was a true gentleman ❤️.

I loved the flashback between Nina and her cousins, their close relationship is honestly the sweetest thing ever. It's interesting to read Ninas thoughts on the war, that girl is wise beyond her years. And even though you wrote in your notes that Nina was naive as a young teen about certain things she definitely isn't on others, and that's what I love most about her ❤️. And it definitely feels natural and normal for her to be like that in the times they were living. Now for the bastard.....Stefano Stefano Stefano....😡. It all makes sense now. God he's vile, even from a young age he was disgusting. I started to feel really nervous for her in that scene, the way he was luring her in made my skin crawl. Nina may have been a naive young teen but she was smart enough to carry a knife 👏.

Aww Tommy and Nina are still enjoying their late night talks ❤️. There is something so special about this moment they keep aside for eachother every day. They may not be openly saying it but it's almost like a little date 😉. Pietro and Salvatore feel very similar to Tommy and Arthur, I love that mirroring of the brothers. “Yes, I do like horses.” Ahh no, don't get him started 😂, our horse girly one stop once someone asks him about his first love 🤭. "You know, I’ve got horses, I could teach you how to ride one,” he proposed, the words escaping his mouth before he could think about what he was saying. Then he realised, and he paused for a moment. He wouldn’t get to teach her" Reb!!...what are you doing to us😩. I'm rooting for these two so much ❤️.

I remember your little snippet from the next scene! Urghh, I feel a little sorry for her cousin, she can clearly tell Tommy's not really into her, and I wonder if she herself feels anything for him or is just going along with what is expected or her 😬. I think it's fair to say someone else has captured our blue eyed man's attention.

😡😡 arghh!! Throughout the following scene I was fuming, steam coming out my ears kinda fuming. I wanna kill that disgusting pig. I just knew he would be back one day. He's almost made it a mission to get his way with her, it's truly vile. The way he talks to her likes he's oblivious to everything in the past is scary, he's clearly unhinged and has gotten away with his sick crimes for far too long. dark!Stefano can be thrown in with the rest of those dark degenerates 😡. I was just waiting for Tommy to appear and he did!! I do not even want to imagine what would have happened if Tommy had done something to him, he would have started a full on "Godfather" style mob war 😳. I really have a feeling we're not going to see the the end of this. Stefano thinks this is one big game, but I'm hoping he gets a quick reality check (preferably at the end of a gun or knife ) when it comes to messing with a Peaky Blinders 😏.

Reb...these two last scenes 😭❤️!! I actually felt relief when Nina gave in and fell into Tommy's arm's, urgh my heart ❤️. He was so sweet and tender with her, he just wanted to reassure her and let he know she was safe and she let him. The beautiful and I mean BEAUTIFUL scene to follow was absolutely incredible . Well done hun! I really appreciate how you describe Tommy feeling in that moment all the small details you added, touch, feel, smell...you could literally read him falling in love with her getting intoxicated by her, it was stunning. I put my hand up 🖐️, I wanted them to kiss. I've been impatiently waiting for that very moment, but what you did instead was not only so tender but true to how a man would be that not only loves someone but respects them. And Tommy respects Nina ❤️. Tommy got up and walked to the door, ignoring the invisible string that was pulling him in the opposite direction beautiful line hun 😍. I'm so eager to see what will happen after this. Will Nina put her wall back up, taking Tommy's rejection the wrong way or will these two finally admit their feelings for eachother 🤔? I can't wait to find out! Incredible chapter to this amazing series ❤️.

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART V

Summary: As they get closer, Tommy and Nina start to realise that their time together is limited. However, an unexpected event makes the tables turn.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, mentions of war, mentions of mutilation, this chapter contains triggering themes, such as sexual assault and violence. Read at your own risk.

A/N: I hope this is worth the wait! Useful information: in the first part of this chapter Nina is 17. She’s depicted as naive, maybe a bit too much for a seventeen-year-old, but bear in mind that she grew up in an extremely conservative environment. Also, I wrote all the dialogues in English because it would’ve been too much of a mess to switch between the languages, so keep in mind that whilst the dialogues between Nina and Agnese could be in both languages since they’re bilingual, the ones between Nina and Stefano are technically in Italian. Last, some things from the previous chapters are really important for this one. I do not claim any ownership to the dialogues excerpts taken from the show. English is not my first language.

After this way too long note, I hope you enjoy this chapter☀️

PREVIOUS PART

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credit

Dividers credit

1915, five years earlier

“They say Italy might join the war soon.”

It was the first time Nina voiced her concerns. She always had the feeling that if she expressed what was troubling her out loud, it would inevitably, irrevocably become true. But she had been bottling up that fear of hers for weeks now, and it had been growing and growing, consuming her from the inside. The weight of the basket she was carrying was nothing compared to the weight of uncertainty, of not knowing what to expect.

“They say that at your school?” Agnese asked absentmindedly, looking in the windows of the small bakery they always used to stop by when they were children, because they knew the owner would give them freshly baked biscuits for free.

“They say that everywhere,” Nina murmured, kicking a stone with her foot.

Agnese had heard about that possibility, and it scared her as well, but she didn’t fully understand the extent of the seriousness of the situation. No one ever bothered to explain it to her, and every time she asked questions about it, her family would just brush it off. She shouldn’t trouble herself with such nonsense, they said. And although she could ask Nina, she never found the courage to do it, far too ashamed of her own ignorance. Her cousin knew lots of things, talked about serious matters, had opinions that contrasted with everything they had ever been taught, and most of the times Agnese had troubles following the things she said. But she said them with such conviction, such mastery that she couldn’t help but agree with her. And she suspected that the reason why no one ever listened to Nina was because they had troubles following her as well. There was something unsettling in her cleverness.

“I’m worried about my brothers,” Nina admitted. “They’re old enough to be enlisted.”

Agnese shifted her attention back on her cousin, sending her a sympathetic look. “Maybe we won’t enter the war. And even if we do, maybe they won’t have to go. Your father can find a way to-”

“They’re not cowards,” Nina interrupted her with resolution, shaking her head. “The Spinietta brothers are cowards. Pietro and Salvatore are not like them.”

“What do the Spiniettas have to do with it?”

“I heard my father say that if we join the war, Mr. Spinietta already knows who to talk to to make sure his kids are not enlisted. He’ll shake a few hands, make a few threats, and they will be safe and warm in their houses. He might even send them to America, they have relatives there.”

Truth was, Nina wished they’d be sent to America. She wanted them to be as far away as possible from her, from the village. They walked around as if they owned every street, every shop, every person; as if everything was owed to them, because they had money and power. But everybody knew where that money came from. And even though she was aware that her family wasn’t any different, that their own money was mostly blood money, she still believed that her brothers were better than them.

“They’re cowards. Cowards and bastards, that’s what they are,” she gritted her teeth.

“You can’t say things like that,” Agnese hissed with wide eyes, frantically looking around to make sure no one was there to hear her. “Lower your voice.”

“I’m just telling the truth. They’re bastards. Sick bastards. You’ve seen how they’ve dragged that poor girl in their car, last week.”

Nina watched as her cousin pressed her lips together, avoiding her gaze. The episode had left both of them with a bitter taste in their mouths, and a feeling of powerlessness that haunted them still. They didn’t know why they had done what they had done, what they would do to her, but somehow they knew it wouldn’t be anything good. Because despite the kind smiles they were wearing and the false gentleness with which they had guided her into the car, it was clear that they were forcing her. The two cousins heard some girls say that she wasn’t the first, and probably wouldn’t be the last, and that the reason why they targeted her was because she had no father nor brothers.

Everyday since that day, Nina cursed herself for not intervening. Would things have gone differently, if she had said something? Would she have been in trouble as well? What kind of trouble was that girl even in? She didn’t have the answers.

Now she carried a pocket knife with her. If they even tried to get close to her, or to another girl in her presence, she wouldn’t be afraid to use it.

“You still can’t say things like that.”

“It’s not like they can do anything,” Nina shrugged.

There was a delicate balance between the families, assured by mutual fear and by the possibility of a bloodbath that wouldn’t suit anyone. But even that wasn’t enough to guarantee peace, one wrong step was all it would take to disrupt that balance. It was like a bomb waiting to explode.

“I need to buy some thread for my mum,” Agnese changed the subject, stopping in front of a shop. “Wait for me here.”

As her cousin disappeared into the shop, Nina placed the heavy basked on the ground to clench and unclench her sore hand. She slightly rubbed the red marks which were appearing on her palm, wincing at the pulsating sensation. The rev of an engine came to her ears, and before her mind could register what was happening, a car stopped in front of her. Stefano Spinietta stuck his head out of the window and sent her a smile, showing a perfect set of white teeth. “You want a ride home?”

Nina frowned, trying to suppress the feeling of disgust that came over her at the mere sight of his face. “No.” She said firmly, the lump in her throat preventing her from saying anything else. She had always hated how nervous she was when he spoke to her, when he looked at her. He always looked at her as if he wanted something from her. What it was, she could not tell, but it made her feel incredibly uneasy. His handsome features and immaculate manners didn’t fool her.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he taunted her, getting out of the car. “Let me help you with that.” Stefano reached his hand towards the basket, but before he could take it, Nina pushed it away with her foot. A glimmer of amusement flashed through his eyes, lighting up his face.

Her hand went to her pocket, and she clutched the small knife tightly, the weapon giving her a new found sense of security. She looked right into his eyes, and spoke enunciating each word carefully. “I said no.”

“I just wanna take you home,” Stefano insisted, his stupid smile still plastered on his face. “C’mon, get in the car.” He took ahold of her arm, slightly squeezing it as if he wanted to reassure her.

A wave of uncontrollable rage coursed through Nina, and in a matter of seconds she had him pushed against his car, her blade grazing his throat. Surprise spread across his features as he looked down at her.

“Touch me again,” she said through gritted teeth, “and I’ll cut your throat.”

Silence fell between them as they glared at each other in an unspoken competition, both of them waiting for the other to cave in. Nina forced herself to keep her burning gaze on him, while every muscle in her body urged her to run away. Instead, she didn’t move, head high, hand steady. She wouldn’t bend. She couldn’t bend. Stefano slowly held his hands up in surrender, the shadow of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Under her confused look, he slightly leaned forward, causing the blade to pierce his skin, and a trickle of blood seeped from the small wound, red, thick. It ran all the way down to Nina’s hand, and its slimy texture almost made her flinch. Stefano, on the other hand, had regained his composure, as if he was the one in control of the situation, as if he didn’t have a knife pointed at his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, staring at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes.

Nina hesitated for a moment, then, with a swift movement, she took a step back and placed the knife back in her pocket, suddenly aware that she had held her breath the whole time. Stefano sent her one last glance, before turning around and going back in his car without saying another word.

As he drove away, she glanced down at the crimson stain on her hand with wide eyes, her heart thumping in her chest. When Agnese walked out of the shop, unaware of what had just happened, she closed her shaking fingers in a fist, and hid her hand into her pocket.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” her cousin chuckled, looping her arm though hers. “Let’s go home.”

Present day

“I swear to God, I swear to God…she gave me sixpence. She sends me to the shop for margarine, eggs and bread. When I came back…”

“With a top hat and a coconut,” Nina shook her head, a laugh escaping her lips.

“And that was all the money we had for the whole fucking week,” Tommy stopped to lit his cigarette, then he raised his eyebrows, a smirk growing on his face. “And me mum beat me with a fucking frying pan.”

“Why the hell did you buy a top hat and a coconut?”

“‘Cause I thought she deserved it. I thought we all did. And I could never understand,” he hit his hand on the table, a hint of some old anger creeping into his voice, “why people like us only had bread and fucking lard. And I wanted to be different. That’s what I wanted.” Silence fell between them as he took a drag from his cigarette, his gaze getting lost in old memories.

Their late-night chats had become a habit now. The night after the first one, for some reason, Nina went downstairs to make herself a cup of tea, and, for the same unknown reason, Tommy went into the kitchen with a dry throat. Just like every night since then. They stayed up late, sharing thoughts, doubts and memories, whispering them into the night and letting it take them away. Over the past week, Nina had come to realise that there was way more than Tommy let on behind his stoic facade, and she found herself wishing to know more. As for Tommy, he liked hearing her talk. She had something to say, and she wasn’t afraid to say it. It was refreshing, and a nice change from the hordes of people who repeated somebody else’s words like parrots, without fully understanding their meaning.

“And you are different, aren’t you?”

The depth of Nina’s eyes became too much to bear. For the first time, Tommy suddenly felt exposed. It was as if she was reading right into him, as if she had him completely figured out, as if every thought, every fear, every unspoken word was no longer a secret. It scared him.

He cleared his throat, stomping out his cigarette. “I heard your brothers also fought in the war.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “They were at Caporetto.”

Pietro and Salvatore still bore the marks of that defeat, both physical and mental. Pietro, the older one, had almost lost an arm in combat, and even though two years had passed, sometimes it still hurt. But in exchange for the arm, the war took something else away from him. There seemed to be nothing left of his once caring nature, and his innate attention for details had turned into a urge to have everything under control. As for Salvatore, the war had enhanced the restlessness that had always distinguished him. He was angry, easily triggered, spiteful. And now he had a deep scar which crossed the left side of his face, making his expression appear even more grim. However, in Nina’s eyes, Pietro was still the boy who fought for her to keep on going to school, just like Salvatore was still the playful kid who took advantage of their size difference to sweep her off her feet and spin her around. But they were not those kids anymore. A line was drawn between Nina and her brothers, and that line became a breach, and that breach had continued to open up until an abyss yawned beneath their feet.

Nina took a sip from her cup of tea, sensing that it might be time to change the subject. The war was clearly a sore point for both of them, although for different reasons. “Agnese told me you like horses,” she sat up straight in her chair, her gaze lighting up with curiosity.

“Yes, I do like horses.”

“When I was a child I wanted to learn how to ride. I even asked my father to buy me a horse for my birthday,” she reminisced, a small laugh escaping her lips. “My mum threatened to leave for good if he ever dared to come home with a horse.”

“So you didn’t get the horse.”

“I didn’t get the horse.”

“You know, I’ve got horses, I could teach you how to ride one,” he proposed, the words escaping his mouth before he could think about what he was saying. Then he realised, and he paused for a moment. He wouldn’t get to teach her. A faint, bitter smile appeared on his lips. “I mean, when you come to Birmingham to visit your cousin.”

Nina couldn’t explain the strange effect his words had on her, the sharp stab of sadness that hit her right in her chest. She brushed off that feeling, telling herself it was just the thought of not seeing Agnese - her only friend and the only ally she had in that family - to cause it.

But Tommy recognised the stinging sensation that was rising up inside him, a sensation he had already felt before. A sensation he couldn’t admit, not even to himself.

“How are things with Tommy?” Nina casually asked her cousin, struggling to hang a bedsheet on the clothesline to dry in the shared backyard.

A sly smile flickered on Agnese’s face as she glanced at the black-haired girl, keeping on folding the dry clothes. “You call him Tommy now?”

Her question made Nina’s movements come to a stop. She shut her eyes for a moment, cursing herself for letting the man’s name slip out of her mouth. She hadn’t told anyone about how she and Tommy were on better terms, about the frequent conversations that had brought them to that point. She had been extra careful not to show the slightest hint of friendliness towards him in public, for she knew people would talk. She couldn’t risk Agnese getting the wrong idea. “Only when he isn’t around,” she murmured, starting to hang the laundry again.

That wasn’t too far away from the truth, though. Although Tommy did call her by her first name, she didn’t remember ever doing the same with him. She didn’t call him Mr Shelby anymore, either. She just didn’t address him. For some reason, calling him by his name seemed too personal. It felt like crossing a line that was not supposed to be crossed.

“I almost thought you were starting to approve of him,” Agnese joked, letting out a small giggle.

Nina forced a laugh, shaking her head, and a sense of guilt rose inside her. She told herself it was just an innocent, white lie; those secret conversations didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t even a lie, just an omission of truth. A justified omission of truth.

Then why did she feel so bad?

Agnese fiddled with the necklace Tommy had given her, pondering her words. “He doesn’t seem to be…taken with me,” she revealed, a glimpse of worry shining in her green irises. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a gentleman, and he’s been nothing but polite to me, but… I don’t think he likes me.”

“Agnese, are you joking?” Nina hung the last shirt, before turning towards her cousin. It pained her to see her like that. She was the most beautiful person she knew, inside and out, and she didn’t deserve anything less than being happy. “I’m sure he does. How couldn’t he?”

“What if he doesn’t love me?”

“Love will come with time,” Nina walked up to her to take her hands in hers with a reassuring smile. “Everything will turn out for the best. You have to believe that.”

She felt relieved as Agnese nodded, worry starting to fade from her expression. Truth be told, even Nina didn’t fully believe her own words. She couldn’t be sure that Tommy would grow to love her cousin, nor that they would have a happy marriage; she couldn’t be sure that the war that would follow with Sabini would end well for them. But she said what Agnese needed to hear, because she didn’t have the heart to to make her fears seem even more real.

“Thank you, Nina.” Agnese whispered, wrapping her arms around her. When Nina awkwardly returned the embrace, patting her on the back, her cousin couldn’t hold back a chuckle. It was no secret that Nina wasn’t big on physical affection, but for a few selected people - that she didn’t have the courage to push away - she brought herself to tolerate it. At least she tried.

“I need to help my mum with lunch,” the brown-haired girl said, breaking the hug to grab the basket full of dry clothes. “She’ll have my head if I don’t.”

“You’d better go, then.”

As Agnese walked back to her house, Nina finished hanging the laundry, humming a little song to herself. She tried to keep her mind busy with futile thoughts, like what Winston might be doing in that moment, what she would eat for lunch, which book she would start to read after finishing the one she was currently reading. She thought about anything and everything in order to keep her mind off Tommy, Agnese and their departure, off her father and what he had told her that day in his study, off the uncertainty about how her life would turn out. It was a nice day, and she didn’t want to plague herself with such worries. However, in the back of her mind, all of that was still present, poisoning even the nicest of thoughts.

When she turned around, the figure of a man leaning against the wall of the house made her flinch. Stefano Spinietta was standing there in silence, observing her, and she had to fight the urge to ask him how long he had been staring at her. “What are you doing here?” She frowned, collecting herself.

“Business meeting. Your father gave me permission to spend some time with you, while he talks with mine,” he explained, pushing himself away from the wall.

A scowl formed on Nina’s face, and a new wave of irritation ran through her, this time directed at her father. All that speech about him wanting her to make the decision for herself was, indeed, just speech. Words he had said to keep her nice and quiet as he indirectly pushed her down the path he had charted for her. “What makes you think I want to spend time with you?”

Stefano’s lips curled in his ever-present grin, as if he found great amusement in her reactions. But that was exactly the point, to some extent. It had become a game to him, some sort of dark, twisted game. The more she rejected him, the more stubborn he became. Something that had started years ago as a mere interest, had slowly taken a different turn. He wanted her, he had been wanting her since she had drawn a knife at his throat. She was carved under his skin just like the scar her blade had left on his neck. There was something about her. Maybe it was her defiance, her refusal to bend, to mould herself into what she should be. He could make her. He could smother the flames of her fierceness and turn her into a quiet pretty thing. “Why do you always have to be so hostile?” He asked her, squinting his eyes.

His question made Nina’s annoyance grow even more. As if he had no clue of how much he had pestered her all those years. Now he had the courage to act all innocent, to play the part of the nice, polite guy who was just courting a girl he liked. He might’ve fooled everyone with that act, but he had never fooled her. “You asked my father his blessing to marry me.” She snapped, taking some steps in his direction. “Did you really think he’d say yes?”

“He never said no.”

“I did.”

Silence fell between them as they stared at each other, once again refusing to be the first to cave in. But this time it didn’t take Nina any effort to keep her eyes on him. She wasn’t a naive seventeen-year-old anymore. Now she knew what it was that he wanted from her. And his gaze didn’t intimidate her anymore.

“Listen to me, Stefano, and listen to me carefully, because I’m not going to repeat myself,” she said in a low voice, coming even closer to him. “You disgust me. You and all your kind,” she spelled out, making sure to emphasise each word. “And I’d much rather jump in front of a train than marrying you.”

Stefano didn’t say anything, at first. He just clenched his jaw, and his hands balled into fists by his side. Then he broke into a half-smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes, trying not to let his wounded ego show. “I’ve been nice to you, and yet you keep on insulting me.”

This time it was him who got closer, towering over Nina. His eyes darkened, and he looked at her with such contempt that for a moment she had the impression he might hit her. With a quick, sudden movement, he grasped her jaw, and before she had the time to react, he turned to push her against the wall. She looked up at him, trying not to show an ounce of fear as her heart increased its speed.

“My patience has limits. And you shouldn’t forget who you’re talking to,” Stefano gritted out through clenched teeth, digging his fingers in her cheeks. His whole body shook with anger, and the mask of politeness he always hid behind began to fall apart. “You’re playing with fire.”

The same uncontrollable rage that years ago gave Nina the courage to point a knife at him now gave her the strength to stomp on his foot, making him hiss and take a step back. Taking advantage of his distraction, she darted forward, but as soon as he tried to escape, Stefano forcefully slammed her against the wall again, holding her in place by the throat. A sharp sting of pain flashed through her spine at the impact with the cold surface, and a whimper escaped her lips as the air was knocked out of her lungs. Fury flared in Stefano’s dark eyes, but then something changed in his expression. His pupils dilated, and he seemed to lose any kind of control over his actions as his hand left her throat to slowly wander down her body.

An overwhelming sense of panic started to rise inside Nina. She wriggled, trying to free herself from his grasp. “Stop,” she raised her voice, but Stefano promptly covered her mouth with the other hand, pressing his body against hers. She squeezed her eyelids shut when his hand became more insistent, squeezing her small breast in a painful hold, then travelling down to her hipbone to keep her still with bruising force. His hot breath burned on her skin as he leaned over her, bringing his face closer to hers. Nina tried to turn her head in response, but the hand he still had on her mouth wouldn’t allow it. She emitted a muffled sound, bringing her hands to his chest to push him away, but he was too strong, and twice her size. All her desperate efforts to put some space between them were useless. He was a rabid animal, a wild beast devoid of any rational thinking as he ground against her, trying to slide his filthy hand under her skirt. Nina’s face scrunched in disgust, and her whole body stiffened under this touch. A whirlwind of thoughts swirled around in her head, endless, confusing, as if she couldn���t exactly register what was happening.

Then he stopped. Much to Nina’s surprise, Stefano suddenly seemed to come to himself, and he took his hand off her mouth. But there wasn’t a hint of guilt, or regret, in his eyes. On the contrary, he looked almost satisfied. And then she realised. He had been in command of his actions the whole time. “What, you don’t talk anymore?” He asked provocatively.

Nina’s wide eyes rested on Stefano in shock. The lump in her throat kept on growing and growing, making it impossible for her to utter a single sentence. She swallowed, trying to regain some kind of control over her emotions, to force herself to speak, and when she did, she faked a confident tone. However, the trembling in her voice betrayed her fear. “Once my family hears about this, you’ll-”

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want, love,” he interrupted her, furrowing his brows, his face assuming a perplexed expression.

“What…” she batted her eyelashes in confusion, her voice barely above a whisper. “No, I didn’t...” the words died in her throat as the awareness of his implications started to set in.

Stefano leaned in, bringing his hand to her cheek to caress it with fake tenderness, and a terrible smile made its way on his face. “Who do you think they’ll believe?”

Nina shook her head, a feeling of helplessness she had never felt before taking over her. She just wanted him to leave. She wanted him to take his hands off of her. She wanted to kick him, to scream at him, to dig her nails in his face deeply enough to make him bleed, and yet all she could do was look at him in silence.

But then someone must’ve heard her prayers, because Stefano was abruptly pulled away from her. It was as if some kind of supernatural gust of wind had ripped him away from her body, freeing her from the heavy weight that had her pressed against the stone surface. Except that it wasn’t some supernatural force. The person who had grabbed Stefano by the collar of his shirt was very much human.

“The fuck are you doing?” Tommy growled, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip he had on the man. Stefano, not understanding a word he had said, just raised his hands, as if to show that he meant no harm.

Tommy had recognised the guy. He was the one they had met two weeks ago in the city, the one who had given him a bad feeling as soon as they had met. He couldn’t explain the pure rage he had felt when he caught him holding Nina against a wall. Her scared, helpless expression was all it took for him to see red and launch at the Italian man. The thought of what could’ve happened if the meeting with the Ferrantes and the Spiniettas had finished just a bit too late made his skin crawl. Still holding him by the collar, Tommy raised his fist, driven by the sudden urge to break his nose, but before he could land the blow, Nina’s voice stopped him.

“Don’t!” She exclaimed, causing him to look in her direction. “He’s Spinietta’s son,” she frantically explained, getting a bit closer, but still keeping herself at safe distance.

Tommy shifted his eyes on the Italian man again, his fist still in the air, and pondered for a few seconds. Although Stefano couldn’t understand Nina’s words, he probably had a vague idea of what she had said, because the corners of his lips tugged upwards as he stared at Tommy steadily. Nina held her breath, her heart skipping a beat at the Italian’s implicit provocation. Tommy was really close to doing something that might put him in a dangerous situation, and it seemed like Stefano was doing everything in his power to encourage him. It was part of his fun, of his sick little game.

Feeling his hands itch even more, Tommy charged again, nostrils flaring, almost letting his impulse win. Fuck Spinietta, he thought to himself. But he was not in Small Heath. Begrudgingly, he lowered his hand and let the guy go with a violent push, making him stumble backwards. “Fuck off,” he snarled, pointing towards the path that led to the main garden to get his message across.

Nina sighed in relief, and she wasn’t sure whether it was because Tommy had made the right choice, or because that situation was over. Stefano took the time to straighten his shirt with unsettling composure. Without saying another word and keeping on watching them, he walked past them, his wicked eyes shining with amusement.

The adrenaline started to wear off, leaving Nina in a growing state of dizziness. The panic, the disgust, the anger. All of that became a single, indistinct mass aiming to engulf her and suffocate her. Her ears started to ring, and she had to fight the instinct to cover them and scream at the top of her lungs.

“Are you alright?” Tommy’s voice came to her ears, snapping her out of her trance.

“Yes.” She nodded, blinking a few times. Now aware of her surroundings, she felt as if she was re-entering her body after rising out of it, and the reality of what had happened was crashing on her. Bile raised in her throat, and she knew that if she had had something in her stomach, she would’ve thrown up. “Yes I’m alright.”

“Nina, you’re shaking,” Tommy noted with a hint of worry in his voice, his own heart still racing in his chest.

“No, no I’m fine,” she insisted, turning her face to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She tightly crossed her arms over her chest, hoping that her hands would stop trembling. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” He shook his head, tentatively reaching out to hear. He was approaching her slowly, almost with apprehension, with his palm open, like one would do with a scared stray cat. “Come here.”

Nina hesitated for a while, torn between what she needed and what she was supposed to do, instinct and reason endlessly fighting. For once, she chose to act without thinking. Cautiously, she pulled Tommy into a hug, resting her head against his chest. Hit by an implacable wave of tenderness, he gently wrapped his arms around her, placing his chin on the top of her head. It didn’t make sense, but having her safe in his arms brought him a sense of calmness and security, and his tense body began to relax.

The warmth of his body, his scent, the reassuring sound of his heartbeat, the unfamiliar softness he was showing her; the combination between all of that gave life to a feeling Nina had never felt before, and she couldn’t put a name to it. Between all of that, she was relieved by the awareness that, at least for that moment, she didn’t need to be strong. Tears began to spill out, and her facade fell for the first time.

When a suffocated sob escaped her lips, shaking her slender shoulders, Tommy’s heart painfully clenched in his chest. His hand found the back of her head, and he started to soothingly run his fingers through her soft dark hair. He wanted to say something, but he knew that there was nothing he could say that would make it better. So he held her tighter, as if he could shield her from harm with the sole strength of his arms.

“Breathe, love,” he whispered when he noticed that, in an attempt to hold back her sobs, she had tensed up a bit too much. “Breathe.”

Nina took a deep breath, focusing on Tommy’s deep voice and the delicate motion of his fingers through her hair.

“There you go,” he murmured encouragingly, feeling her calm down against him. She sniffled, snuggling even closer, and, once again, Tommy was overwhelmed by the need to protect her.

They couldn’t care less if someone saw them. In that moment, their embrace was the only thing that mattered.

Laying on her side with her knees drawn up, Nina stared at the shadows created by the small lamp on her bedside table. She could still feel the heaviness of Stefano’s hands on her, the burning of his hot breath on her skin, the suffocating smell of his cologne. She only wanted to get rid of those hands, that breath, that smell. She would gladly rip off her whole skin if it meant to forget.

She hated herself for allowing him to make her feel small, weak, for he had made it quite clear that was what he wanted. Because even though for a moment he had indulged in the temptation, he wouldn’t actually dare go through with it, not in her house. His purpose was to show her that he could overpower her at any time.

But then came feeling of being wrapped in Tommy’s arms, of being pressed against his strong frame, the feeling she had been desperately trying to give a name to. Until it occurred to her. Safe. She had felt safe.

A soft knock on the door of her bedroom pulled her out of the vortex of thoughts. She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her. “Come in,” she said, but her voice was so feeble that she doubted the person on the other side had heard her. Still, the door opened, and in the dim, warm light, Tommy’s figure appeared on the doorstep.

He had never been in her room, but somehow it was exactly like he had imagined it. Ivory-coloured walls covered in a pattern of small flowers, dark wooden furniture, lace curtains. Handwritten sheets of paper scattered all over the desk, along with pens and pencils. It was bit messy and full of books, and it smelled like her. A mixture of lavender and honey.

When that night Tommy had come out of his room, the first thing he noticed was the unsettling silence. No rattle of pots coming from downstairs. But a half-light shone through Nina’s bedroom door, and he found himself desperately needing to know how she was. She had been avoiding everyone the whole day.

“I just wanted to check up on you,” his deep voice came out in a low sound, and it held some kind of uncertainty. He wasn’t sure that going to her had been a good idea. Maybe she didn’t want to see him, maybe knocking on her door was too much.

His doubts faded when the ghost of a smile formed on her face, and she motioned for him to come in. He carefully closed the door behind him, then went to sit on the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. A vice-like grip held his stomach when he noticed her puffy eyes and red cheeks. How many times had she cried?

“You’re paler than usual,” Nina teased him to ease the tension, but her voice didn’t hold the bantering tone he had grown used to hear. “You should get some sleep.”

Tommy half-smiled, shifting his gaze on the floor for a moment. But instead of spitting out a retort - contrary to Nina’s expectations - he just nodded. “You’re right,” he conceded.

A sigh escaped Nina’s lips, and she nervously fiddled with her own fingers. He was walking on eggshells, and she didn’t like it, not even a bit. “Please, stop treating me like that.”

“Like what?” He furrowed, looking at her again.

“Like I might break at any moment.”

Tommy said nothing. He could see why she didn’t want to be treated any differently, but she did look like she would break. Not once had she shown a single shred of vulnerability until that day, and it was disarming. Truth was, he didn’t know how to act.

“I’ll forget it ever happened,” she spoke again, this time with resolution, but she didn’t sound fully convinced of what she was saying. “And you should do the same. No one can know about it.”

“You should tell-”

“No,” she firmly interrupted him, Stefano’s veiled threat still echoing in her ears. “I can’t,” she continued, her voice becoming softer.

Tommy suddenly remembered what she told him a week earlier at the beach, and everything became clear. It was all it took to make his blood boil again. The room went quiet, but the silence was soon broken by a faint rustle of sheets, as Nina left her spot to sit closer to him. Honey and lavender filled his nostrils, and he had to restrain himself from inhaling deeply, eager to feel more. More than the light brushing of their arms, separated by the thin fabric of his undershirt. They were barely touching, and yet his skin burned. As hard as he tried to suffocate that feeling, to extinguish that fire, the flames kept on flaring, higher than before. He couldn’t fight it. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and that feather-like contact was enough to send sparks of electricity through his body. “Promise me,” she whispered, “you won’t tell anyone.”

Tommy turned to look at her, and the proximity allowed him to spot a small scratch on her cheek. Without thinking, he delicately ran his finger on it, and he was almost surprised by the feeling of her soft skin under his rough hand. Slowly, even hesitantly, his hand went to cup the side of her face, and he gently rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “I promise.”

Tommy’s hoarse voice, along with the warmth of his hand, sent shivers down Nina’s spine, and her pulse started to race. She couldn’t explain how the closeness of his strong body was making her feel, nor the effect his masculine scent had on her. Aftershave, cigarettes, and a hint of musk. And she couldn’t help but wonder: if she pressed further into him, if she let herself be held by him again, would it lift the weight off her chest? Would it take away the pain, the revulsion, the shame? Would his touch be enough to replace Stefano’s hands?

When he felt Nina unconsciously get closer, Tommy closed his eyes, drowning in her scent, and he could swear there was fire running through his veins. It was as if some unknown force was pulling him towards her, drawing him nearer, and when her soft lips brushed against his, his mind went blank. Every cell in his body was begging him to give in.

No. It wasn’t right.

Nina was vulnerable, too vulnerable, and probably unable to make any conscious decisions. He couldn’t take advantage of her like that. It took all his strength to move away and bring her in to press a kiss on her forehead instead. He lingered there for a few seconds, savouring the moment. When he let his hand fall from her face, the warmth left him, and it seemed to him that his fingers had sharply gotten cold.

Feeling her confused eyes following him, Tommy got up and walked to the door, ignoring the invisible string that was pulling him in the opposite direction. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to restrain himself.

“Goodnight, Nina.”

Tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989 @call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe

Heart, Body and Soul tag list: list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @gaslysainz @brummiereader

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

[urupotter]

So while I've said before that I don't like the HP subreddit, I still frequent it because occasionally I read something insightful. This is one such case, where I read a reading of Lupin that I'd never seen before in response to a comment of mine analyzing the shrieking shack confrontation between Snape, Remus, Sirius and the golden trio, where I mentioned that Lupin was a gaslighter so I wanted to share. It was created by reddit user u/UsuallySiSometimesNo and is posted here with his permission. We had a little conversation in the comments. Read it under the cut

UsuallySiSometimesNo: That struck a cord with me, too. I didn't think about that on a conscious level before, but when I read it, it felt instantly true.

Honestly, I think the strongest examples of Lupin gaslighting are actually done to himself. The biggest, character-defining example, I think, is that after finding friendship with James, Sirius, and Peter, he becomes so desperate not to be ostracized from them (due to his issues of self-worth and his personal brand of impostor syndrome) that he deliberately and routinely feeds himself false narratives about their behavior until he can no longer tell fact from fiction, even as he's experiencing it.

Their relentless bullying of Snape? A childhood rivalry.

Their casual bullying of other students? Kids being young and stupid.

Their clear disinterest verging on contempt for Peter, someone less fortunate and vulnerable with whom they're supposed to be good friends? Just mates being mates.

Even actions taken against Lupin, himself, are revised in his memory to be 'no big deal', because he desperately needs that to be true. Let's pretend for a moment that Snape indisputably deserved to be slaughtered by a werewolf the night Sirius told him how to get past the Whomping Willow. Sirius did not send Snape to be killed by any old werewolf. What happened that night was that Sirius - one of Remus' best friends, if not his actual best friend - attempted to use Remus' curse/illness against someone (which is a big enough betrayal on it's own) without ever telling Remus that when he woke up in the morning (covered in blood and in the presence of a shredded corpse) it would be to find that he had committed the act he was most petrified he might one day commit. In setting Snape up to be killed by Lupin, Sirius, at the very least, risked Lupin's sanity, and, at the very most, risked Lupin being sentenced to death.

Now, I understand that Sirius wasn't thinking about all of that when he did what he did, and I, as a someone removed from the situation (and armed with the additional character/situational knowledge granted to a reader) can even understand why Sirius' own trauma led him to grant such a blind death sentence to Snape (which I think is related to a point you made elsewhere, u/Adventure_Time_Snail, about Sirius' "violence towards those who trigger his fundamental fear of wizard fascists" because of his abusive upbringing). But Lupin's perspective is not one of an unbiased observer. And once James found out what was happening and pulled Snape back before it was too late (which, I would think, was more to save Lupin than to save Snape) and once Remus awoke the next to day to discover everything that transpired the night before, I find it hard to believe there wasn't at least some conversation about the true gravity of the situation. And yet, even all these years later, Lupin doesn't bat an eye when Sirius not only doesn't display shame when the event is mentioned in POA, but offers something akin to regret, NOT at the fact that his actions could have gotten Lupin killed, but that that they DIDN'T get Snape killed: "It served him right...", he sneered. etc. etc.

I think the obvious question here, is 'Even disregarding what Sirius did to Snape - how can Lupin be okay with the knowledge that Sirius has no regret, at all, for what he did to him, even now that they're adults?' Well, we're not in Lupin's point of view in the books, which means we can't hear his internal monologue, but I think a satisfactory answer to the question is that he's done a substantial amount of internal gymnastics in order to get to a point where he doesn't see this as a big deal, or even as something that he has a right to be upset about.... just like a gaslighter does to their victim.

Again, because we're not in Lupin's POV, we can't point to the exact instances that such internal gaslighting took place, but, based on what we do observe from Harry's POV (and based on external knowledge of gaslighting as a true-to-life concept) I wouldn't be surprised if Lupin so desperately needs everything to be okay that he derides himself for feeling bad or betrayed, that he calls himself stupid for thinking terrible things that have happened to him are a big deal, that he wars with himself about how people who are his friends and who are so good to him and who are better friends than he thinks he deserves could possibly do something to harm him/others, and that he beats down whatever emotions and senses and gut feelings he has that tells him something his friends have done might be very wrong. What we see in the books is a man who makes excuses for his friends and harbors a warped perception of reality in much the same way victims of gaslighting do, and he seems to exploit his own insecurities in order to instill doubt in his own experiences in much the same way perpetrators of gaslighting do.

I can't help but think that, by the time Lupin tells Harry that Snape harbors a particularly strong hatred for James because James was a better Quidditch player, Lupin has become so adept at gaslighting himself that he actually believes it.

tl;dr: One of Lupin's defining characteristics is that he gaslights himself out of a desperate need to be liked by others, since he has a difficult time liking himself and seems to believe all of his relationships are incredibly fragile.

Urupotter:

This is a fascinating reading on Lupin that I've never seen. I don't read him the same way, in that I think Lupin actually does know that what he's doing is wrong, he just doesn't have the moral courage to act on his conscience. (I view him as the anti Snape, great conscience, but abysmal moral courage, while Snape had unbelievable moral courage but a shitty conscience. Their arcs are about growing their moral courage and their conscience respectively) Realizing that his negligence almost got Harry killed is what triggers his arc, concluding when he goes back to Tonks and Teddy after running away, taking responsibility for his actions for the first time.

But this reading is so interesting that I'll have to reflect on it. Do you mind if I post it on my Harry Potter tumblr blog? I'll credit you of course, I would just like to discuss it with my followers. Of course if you don't want to I won't.

UsuallySiSometimesNo:

Honestly, I think the lack of in-depth conversation about Remus Lupin (at least compared to fan favorites Sirius Black and Severus Snape) is a missed opportunity and a shame. Don't get me wrong, I can discuss Sirius and Snape until blue in the face, but Lupin's arc is just as powerful in an understated (and often underestimated) way. The muddy, oversimplified truth is, without the fatal-flaw decision making of all four Marauders throughout their lives, the series of events proceeding the first chapter of the first book don't happen, and the story we all know and love never comes to be.

And speaking of sparking a discussion about Lupin...

I think Lupin actually does know that what he's doing is wrong, he just doesn't have the moral courage to act on his conscience.

You know what? I agree. And that's what makes him so interesting, I think. He is constantly and dependably full to bursting with internal conflict. When his friends are wrong/do something wrong/say something wrong, he can and does immediately identify the situation as wrong. When he does something wrong, or when he does nothing in the face of something wrong, in that moment I believe he knows the full weight of the situation. Like you said, he has a strong conscience, as well as a deeper, perhaps more nuanced understanding of right and wrong than do, for example, James and Sirius. Now, Lupin needs his friends. They're not just people to hang out with, they're a lifeline for him. He's not going to engage in conflict with them if there is even the slightest chance that he might lose them (for a variety of reasons, he lacks, as you said, the moral courage to do so). But he's also a generally decent human being, and with a strong conscience comes the capacity for sincere guilt and remorse. So, not only will he not confront his friends, he needs it to be okay that he doesn't confront them. And it's at that point that I think the self gaslighting is triggered.

But Lupin is intelligent and nobody's fool, so the gaslighting creates only a thin layer of ice over the problem. Just enough of a cover that he can live with the things he would otherwise deeply regret. I do think he believes the alternative reality he makes for himself to be accurate as long as it isn't really challenged. Crack the ice, though, and we see him express remorse and reveal an underlying awareness of past and present truths. But then the moment is over, and the war between the uncomfortably and full weight of the truth and his need for the companionship of his friends returns, and then the gaslighting begins again, allowing him an easier return to his closest friends (and eventually his closest friend, singular, after the others have been taken from him as was his fear all along) without conflict and with minimal strain on his conscience.

Once Sirius, the last of his original chosen family is gone - truly gone, as opposed to 'located elsewhere' as he was when in prison - following OOtP, suddenly Lupin's arc takes off at a greater speed than at any point prior. He's now literally lost all of the people he'd been terrified of figuratively losing. Although there are still people and things he cares about, he isn't as dependent on any of them as he was on those foundational friendships, and the finality of their absence allows him to finally grow beyond his stifling cycle of reality shifting, confront the truths of his reality and his circumstances, and, as you said, finally take responsibility by returning to Tonks and Teddy - a decision that, ultimately, triggers his death (I don't mean to imply that it was a bad decision or that it's the sole cause of his death, but Rowling has said that being 'out of practice' contributed to his loss at the Battle of Hogwarts, which makes for a fantastic tragedy).

I don't mean to overstate the importance of this theory or imply that it's always present when he's on-stage, and, as with anyone, many other elements, of course, factor into his actions/words/motives. But I think it's a fascinating potential component of his character all the same. If you have more thoughts on this, I love to hear them - and I look forward to reading the discussion on your blog!

So what do you think? Is this a valid reading of Lupin? I'd say it is, but I'm interested in reading my followers thoughts!

[kakaxhi]

Kakashi Hatake | Finally

Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x Reader Warnings: language, mentions smut Word Count: 1.6k A/N: sorry this took a little longer then usual, I struggled a tiny bit. Also, I'm sorry this isn't a full smut fic, (I'm not the best as writing that) but it gets the point across. (headcanons changed to fic with requester's permission)

You could feel his eyes on you again.

You chalked it up to him watching over you on this mission, but had an inkling of a feeling it was something more. There were plenty of times where you caught him staring, and he catching you. You couldn't help yourself, your feelings growing for the Copy Ninja with each passing day.

And now, here you were at the end of a long mission getting to spend every moment with him. Normally, you wouldn't mind spending so much time with him, but your feelings for the man made focusing on the mission difficult. You would've gotten severely hurt if Kakashi hadn't stepped in at the last second.

"Thank you, for saving me back there I mean."

"You got distracted during an A-rank mission. Don't let it happen again."

He kept walking, leaving you standing there dumbfounded. He's never used that tone with toy before. Shaking off the thoughts, you ran to catch up with him, only to keep your distance as he was still slightly pissed.

You finally reached the gates of Konoha. You ended up turning in the report, letting Kakashi go home and cool off. You stepped into the Hokage's office, bowing slightly before turning in your paperwork.

"I'm surprised Kakashi is not with you."

"I told him to go home, we ran into some trouble but things ended up going well thanks to him. If that'll be all, I have to get some things done."

With nothing else needed, you left with a respectful bow and made your way to Kakashi's home. Your knuckled rapped on the door quickly; only waiting a few minutes before he opened the door. His forehead protector was off, and even after knowing him all this time, seeing the Sharingan was a little intimidating.

"You wear that mask in the shower too?"

His expression hardened, "No. Why are you here, [Y/N]?"

"I just came to apologize. Can I come in?"

He sighed, stepping aside to let you inside. He shut the door behind you, watching you as if waiting for you to speak up.

"You want to tell me what got you so distracted you almost screwed up the mission? That's not like you."

"Well, it's not really something I want to tell you, 'Kashi."

He rolled his eyes at the nickname, but the pink on his cheeks gave away his true emotions.

"You have lost nickname privileges until you tell me what happened."

"Fine, but you have to tell me why you got so mad."

Kakashi stared at you as if you had a second head.

"You're serious, right? [Y/N], you could've died! What would I have done then?"

"Finish the mission."

He hated how matter-of-fact you sounded. He sighed, hand wiping the stray strands of hair from his eyes.

"Okay, yes. Even then, I'd have to come back and tell everyone I couldn't save someone I care about again. And yes, it's part of the life we lead as shinobi, I get it. So let me rephrase my question. What would I do if you were gone?"

You shrugged, "We all lose people, Kakashi. You know that better then anyone. You'd get over me eventually."

"How can you say that when you're one of the most important people I know?"

Embarrassment filled your veins, causing you to look away from him. His hand reached up out of instinct, and it was then you realized just how close he was.

"Please, don't turn away from me."

Tension filled the air between you, his hand still gently resting on your cheek. You stared into his eyes, your body moving before you could process it. Your fingers went to the edge of his mask, tugging slightly. He nodded, not even thinking of stopping you as you slowly pulled off his mask.

"Are you going to just stare?"

"With a face like that, how could I not?"

His shy smile made you swoon, but it wasn't until you felt his smooth lips on yours that your heart beat faster. Your arms loosely wrapped around his neck as he pushed you against the wall. His lips left your own, trailing over your cheek and down your jaw. It was when he got to your neck you slowly pushed him away.

"Do you want to stop?"

You shook your head, "Bedroom, now. Please."

He nodded, kissing you again before leading you to his bed. He gently laid you on the plush blankets before taking off his shirt. Your eyes roamed his upper body, lifting a hand to trace the scars along his chest and torso.

"Still find me attractive?"

You nodded, leaning up to kiss him again. Nothing was more intoxicating then feeling him against you. Your fingers tugged on the waistband of his pants.

"Take these off, Kakashi."

He obliged, leaving him only in his boxers. He looked you over, a teasing smirk on his lips.

"Seems as though you're overdressed, baby."

Kakashi couldn't keep his eyes off of you as you stripped off every layer. His lips met yours in a heated kiss once you took off the last item.

"Holy fuck, you're gorgeous."

He kissed you once more before sliding off his boxers. Your eyes widened slightly at his length slapping against his stomach. He chuckled, leaning down to kiss along your jaw.

"If you wanna stop, we can."

"No, no. I'm fine. Please, continue."

He eyed you carefully, making sure this is what you truly wanted. You placed a hand gently on his cheek, rubbing the bone with your thumb.

"If I wanted to stop I'd tell you. But I don't. I want this, I want you."

He leaned forward, lips meeting yours in another passionate kiss. His hips moved against your own, feeling his length pressed against your thigh. He pulled away from your mouth slightly only when he ran out of air.

"Okay, but if you change your mind you let me know. I want you to be comfortable."

"Same goes for you, 'Kashi."

Pink tinted his cheeks but he quickly covered his embarrassment with a sassy remark.

"I think it's kinda evident I don't want to stop."

-

A long, loud groan left him as he finished. His forehead rested against your own, chest heaving with each deep breath. A small moan left him as he pulled out, still sensitive to touch. You whimpered at the feeling of being empty, Kakashi gently rubbing your thigh as he got up.

After getting all cleaned up, Kakashi relaxed next to you in bed. You were too tired to form a coherent sentence, opting to gently rub his chest before turning over. The last thing you remembering is Kakashi pulling you against his chest before falling asleep.

When you woke up the next morning, Kakashi wasn't in bed. The smell of food cooking fully woke you up. You grabbed the first shirt you saw on the floor, tossing it on before walking into the kitchen. Kakashi stood in front of the stove in just his boxers. And you could see his neck was bare, meaning he wasn't wearing his mask.

"Morning."

"Good morn-" He paused when he saw you, "is that my shirt?"

You looked down, "I guess it is. Sorry."

He chuckled, "For what? Keep it on, I'll wash your clothes for you when we're done eating."

You sat beside him, silence filling the void before he spoke up.

"So, about last night. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Do you?"

He chuckled, "Yeah, that's why I brought it up."

"I don't know, you're not the best at talking about your feelings, Kakashi."

He nodded, "Yeah, that's true. I guess I mostly just want to know where you stand. If you want to forget the whole thing, I'll understand. I just - I couldn't control my feelings for you any longer."

"So, that's why you got pissed at me on the mission."

"Well, yeah. I've cared for you for so long. But I never acted on it because I didn't know how you felt towards me and I couldn't risk losing you. I've lost too much already."

Your features softened, "Kakashi, you big dope."

"Hear I am pouring my heart out and you're calling me names."

You laughed softly, hand cupping his cheek so he could look at you, "Do you know how long I've had feelings for you?"

He looked at you dumbfounded, "What?"

"Shit, you are so cute. You really didn't know?"

"No, I didn't want to read to much into it. I wish you said something sooner."

You chuckled, "You and me both."

He took your hand in his, pulling you against him. He smiled as you instinctively placed your head against his chest.

"So, what happens now? Because after last night, and especially after what you just told me, I don't think I could ever be just friends with you."

You placed a hand on his chest, just above his heart, "We take it one day at a time, no need to rush things. As long as I get to kiss you again."

He chuckled, placing his lips on yours, "You can do that whenever you want, love."

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (final chapter, pt. 2, the end.)

part one here

A/N: Thank you guys for all of your wonderful comments and the love sent my way for this fanfic. I've had a great time writing it despite its rocky moments. I really hope this ending does it justice; I've never gotten to write a proper conclusion to anything like this before. It's the first time I've ever completed a multi-chapter work such as this, so I'm happy. 🍾🥂 Here's to finishing what you start, and enjoy. :)

Just shy of a half-hour later, he was finished telling the story. She had sat the both of them down on the couch, one on each end, and he explained in great detail everything leading up to current-day. Tales of the ooze, Mutagen, as he'd told her; the rat named Splinter, a man formerly known as Hamato Yoshi, who had fathered and trained them; and lastly, their mission. Be of service, protect the city; have a good heart. And Donnie most certainly had a good heart. He was not the outlandish figure she'd first saw and recognized him as. He was the guy she had come to know as Bo, Donatello, who was the same person she'd talked to this whole time. At some points of the retelling, he got excited to share some of their adventures. This came after their humble beginnings of struggling in the sewers. Donnie was happy to share after so long of dodging saying anything about his life. 

She nodded along to this talking. "...and that's how we're here," he said finally, putting his hands on his legs. "Since we're here, any questions?" 

She replied with a no, looking over at the TV that had remained on the entire time. Donnie stayed seated as she got up and got the remote, also glancing at the clock on the wall, which read 10:45 PM. She switched the TV off. Looks like it's time to go, he thought. He rose from the couch and fixed the pillow he'd displaced. 

"Donnie, this has been...strange," and for a split second, his face fell, "but not bad! Though, it is getting late." 

 "Oh, no—yeah, no, I understand," he sputtered bashfully, activating the staff which collapsed back into its smaller form. He tucked it away somewhere on him. 

For a moment, he simply stood there as if wanting to say something, but the words never found him. "So it's goodbye?" he asked quietly. The way he said it made it seem like he thought it was forever. But it was on until they figured out how to pick up where they left off after that night. Undoubtedly, things would be different going forward. He didn't know if that would be good or bad. 

"Only until next time," she told him, a small smile present. He visibly relaxed. "You're still my friend, Donatello."

He smiled. "I knew that. Totally."

Showing himself out, he stepped onto the balcony, looking back one last time before he bounded away. He held up his hand and gave a small wave. 

But she hadn't said bye yet, so he stuck around for a moment longer, though it was met with an awkward silence. He was beginning to go over the railing when she ran over to the door, stopping him. "Wait," she said, and he crawled back over the railing with a confused but curious expression. "I actually do have a question. Just one, before you go." 

"Sure," he said, inviting her to go on. She had to look up to see his face being so close. 

Tenderly, she asked, "Why'd you not tell me, after all that time? Would you have ever chosen to do this if it hadn't been for an accident?" 

Donnie couldn't give her an answer on that.

He sighed, slightly shaking his head. "I couldn't, [y/n]. We've been through this." 

"I only wanted you to trust me, Donnie," she responded. And that was, really, how she'd felt. Throughout their entire friendship, it had felt one-sided in that regard. Trusting but not trusted, but she hadn't any idea of what was truly going on, at the time. 

Donnie pondered her question: If there hadn't been some kind of divine intervention, would he have ever had the chance to have something more with her than words on a screen? 

He swallowed as she took a small step closer. 

"I just wanted you to care about me." His volume was barely above a whisper. He clenched his jaw briefly, as if he was concerned over his own words. His golden-brown eyes wandered from your eyes on downward. 

"I did—I do care about you, what makes you say that?" she questioned, puzzled. 

He vaguely gestured at his body, "Wouldn't this be a little hard grasp over text? Isn't it hard to accept even now?"

Though she didn't answer, he had a feeling that he was correct about one of those things—she did have to wrap her head around everything. Tentatively, both watched as her fingers brushed against his own. His hand moved along with hers, seeing and feeling the delicateness. Until they laced together as well as they could, her heart steady while his was beginning to race. His hand even trembled ever so slightly. He would have wanted to stay like that forever, had it not been for the fact that he was uncertain where they now stood. Where he stood in your eyes. What did this mean? 

Putting her other hand on his shoulder, she tried to conjure a smile. But it flickered out as she murmured, leaning into him, "Does this answer your question?" She had to stand on the tips of her toes, while his hand tightened in hers involuntarily, almost too shocked to bend down for what was coming. The one thing he hadn't accounted for in their meeting, not once—and it was happening. 

He seemed like he was going to stammer something, but her lips closed the gap and planted softly on his. 

There is no way.

There is no way this is happening—but I'm seeing it with my own eyes! 

Donnie lost all control the moment her lips pressed against his. His hand squeezed hers, shaking as his heart pounded in his chest. I'm shaking. Why am I shaking? 

His eyes which had been wide were now fluttering closed. For the better half of the kiss, every other thought beside the ones of her was ejected. He couldn't have pulled away, even if he'd wanted. He was hers completely. That was irrevocable.

It was only until she decided it was time to step back did they part, him looking at her entrancing face once more, and her swallowing heavily. That kiss had been something she'd dreamed of before. Never Knowing it would be held on the smooth, moist lips of a humanoid turtle, rather than those or a human man. In fact, she had to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming. Her hand slid down his shoulder and onto his chestplate. It was rough, almost possessing a grain under her fingertips. Her thumb rubbed the back of his hand. He thought he felt a tingle from the trail her fingers left. 

Donnie was on Cloud Nine for a solid minute before coming back to his senses. "That...I…" he struggled to find the words. For a brain that worked so fast, he felt utterly slow, then. 

She cracked a smile, face contorted into one of hope and a hint of embarrassment. "Is it too late to say that I've waited to do that for a while now?" she laughed. 

"N-no," he said, still trying to organize his thoughts. "No, it isn't."

"Okay, good," she replied with a relieved exhale. 

Her hand went from his chest to his arm, feeling the taut muscle as it traveled down. His hand enveloped hers while the other lifted, going to touch her cheek. "Does this mean…?" he trailed off. 

"It means I really, really like you, Donnie. I have since we played that game." 

He gently brushed her cheek with his thumb, "I really like you, too," he mimicked, voice soft. 

Maybe even that was an understatement. 

"I think I…" 

A noise nearby alerted him, and on instinct, he set her behind himself on defense. Don't be an attack now, of all times, he thought, listening closely. He told her to be quiet and to not say anything, using his forearm to gently push her back into the apartment. He pulled out his staff. 

"Sup dude and dudette!" an all too familiar voice beamed, the orange-banded turtle appearing hanging upside down from the balcony above. [Y/N] shrieked, and Donnie nearly bashed his brother in the head, sucking in a sharp breath as he accidentally backpedaled into her. Mikey waved and flashed a grin. "Don't worry, we didn't see anything...except for you two kissing, that was really unexpected!" He flipped down onto the balcony, and Donnie grumbled something, going in for a zap to his brother's plastron. Mikey dodged it, this time. Donnie tried again; unsuccessful. "Oop—saw that one coming," Mikey laughed, jovial. 

Donnie groaned, half-embarrassed and half-annoyed, "Mikey, what are you doing here?" 

Waltzing into her apartment, Mikey crossed his arms with a wink sent the human's way. "Michelangelo, wingman to the big special D right here," he introduced himself brightly, "but you can call me Mikey." 

Donnie slapped his hand to his flushed face, hoping that he was the only one who noticed Mikey's less-than-classy wording. 

"So you're all named after Renaissance painters?" asked [y/n], lifting a brow. 

Exhaling, Donnie stepped between them, "[Y/N], this is Mikey, my brother. The one that—" 

"Got you together!"

"—that got us into this predicament," he'd almost said, but he realized as Mikey said that, he owed their meeting all to him. It had all started with that talk they had had late that day, after patrol, and ended on her balcony, Donnie getting to experience a kiss for the first time. With someone he'd never imagined he would have ever been able to touch, let alone share something like that with. Yes, as much of a hassle everything up until that point had been, it was all thanks to Mikey. 

Donnie grinned, turning to his brother and draping his arm over the back of his shoulders. "Yeah, you did," he agreed. Mikey smiled as he looked down at him with fondness. He wrapped an arm around Donnie's shell in return. 

"You know it, brah. Oh, and I take cash or pi—" 

"Don't push it, younger bro." Donnie rolled his eyes. 

Waiiiiit a minute. 

Mumbling for [y/n] to hold that thought, Donnie, suspicious, crept over toward the balcony. "We"?

Mikey tried to make chatter with her while he did so, mentioning how he liked what she'd done with the place. 

He checked if the coast was clear first before leaning onto the railing on his shell, squinting his eyes. And he was not surprised at all to see Raph and Leo looking down at him from over the edge of the roof. Leo had his recognizable expression of: "You'd better wrap it up." Donnie drooped his shoulders and ducked back inside. Couldn't last forever, he thought. Despite whatever was waiting for him on the roof or at home, he could still smile on the day he'd had. He would be thinking about that kiss for weeks. 

"I guess it's bye for real this time," he told [y/n], sad to go what felt like so soon, but really was content. The night could not have gone better. "I have to, you know, go get flamed by my oldest brother. Probably."

"We'll be in touch, Donnie," she replied. "Um...text me when you get home? Just so I know you got there alright." 

Smiling, Donnie nodded. 

Mikey budded in, "Hey, don't forget about me here." 

Chuckling, Donnie headed for the door, taking Mikey but the upper arm along with him. They stopped one last time to waved to her before making their exit. 

Leo and Raph met the pair at the top. Raph was the first to speak, asking skeptically, "And yer sure this girl is alright?"

"Positive," Donnie answered with confidence. 

After a moment of trying to come up with some kind of remark, Raph let out a huff. "You got the nerve, I'll tell you that." He held out his fist ready for a bump, and when Donnie didn't immediately reciprocate, grumbled "Well? Don't leave me hangin', Don." Realizing what he wanted, Donnie went right in for the fist bump. 

Pulling away, Donnie asked, "So you're not mad?" He gave some space between himself and the incoming Leo. 

Raph scoffed lightly and shrugged. "I may not trust her, but I trust you," he responded, gruff as usual. "Just don't expect me to be all friendly and whatnot—I ain't doin' it." 

"You don't have to do anything, Raph." 

And then Donnie was face-to-face with Leo, who's intensely blue eyes were trained on him for a few seconds too long. Donnie wondered what he was thinking until he sighed, and then spoke. 

"I'm sorry." 

Behind Leo, Mikey was in awe.

"That's a new one," Raph chuffed. He left the circle to watch from the edge of the building. Mikey stuck around, but only far enough to be in ear shot. If something coming from Leo started off with a sincere "I'm sorry", he wouldn't miss it.

"Yes, you heard. I'm sorry," Leo admitted, bringing his eyes up from the ground. "I shouldn't have pressured you, Donnie. I know that you can handle yourself. I was just trying to protect you and our family," he explained, pausing to glance over at the other two brothers, "but…yeah. I'm sorry for pushing you, Don. I was kind of a jerk back there."

Deciding he didn't have any words good enough to say what he wanted to, Donnie simply pulled Leo in for half-hug, rocking him with him. Leo wore his lopsided smile as he gave Donnie's shell a slap. 

"That...was…" 

They stepped away from each other, staring at Mikey quizzically. 

"...beautiful, bros," he finished in a whisper. 

They stayed for a minute just watching the city go by, the clock ticking by later into the night. Donnie finally thought to ask Leo how Splinter was, because he definitely knew what was going down. He was a smart old man—and beside, Donnie had made no effort to pretend that wasn't what he was doing when he'd initially left. If Splinter knew, Splinter knew. He was still mildly afraid of Leo's response. 

"You want the truth?" Leo questioned, his expression briefly changing to one of a cringe. 

"I mean, I'd like to know what I'm in for," Donnie replied in an obvious manner. 

"He was angry, at first. Didn't know you left until he was done with his talk with Mikey. Also surprised that you actually went through with it. But, after that...he seemed like he understood, in a way, I guess. I didn't ask questions. You'll have to confront him about it yourself, because he just sent me and Raph out to get you." 

Donnie kept his eyes on the sidewalk below them, and the occasional person walking it. "And Mikey?" he asked, quizzical. 

"He insisted," Leo groaned. 

"You know I can't pass up an opportunity to see D get his first kiss!" 

"Oh, shut up, you had no idea that was gonna happen. You just wanted to go because me 'n Leo were goin'," Raph argued, flicking his head. "Weren't you supposed to stay in by Splinter's orders?" 

Mikey crossed his arms and turned away, "I don't have to take this abuse." He was, indeed, meant to stay behind. But the boy couldn't help himself. 

Once the banter died down, they were left contemplating whether they wanted to stay out a little longer, or if it was time to turn in. It had already been a long night, but in honesty, Donnie wasn't ready to go quite yet. He still felt as though he had so much to say to [y/n], but he supposed that time had already passed. At least until next time, if or when that was. Raph took a break from his lookout and sat next to Donnie with a grunt. He wasn't good with mush or sensitive things, but he felt compelled to ask "What're you gonna do now?" 

Donnie hummed in question.

"Well, she knows. And by the looks of things—erm—the look of one particular thing, you two are still goin' steady."

Ugh, they saw it. Donnie moaned, a cold flush coming over his face. I can't have anything private in this family.

Raph pushed him on his shoulder. "Ya shouldn't mack on someone by the doorway if ya don't wanna be seen," he jested.

"I don't know what's next, Raph," Donnie confessed. "We didn't exactly...make anything official after that."

Once they were back on the move towards home, they all dropped into the nearest manhole, but Donnie remained where he was, saying he would catch up to them. He was the fastest of the four, after all.

"I hope you're still awake," he mumbled to himself as he reached for his phone. They were close to home, anyway. And it was quiet. He typed:

"I'm almost home, [y/n]. All safe."

A couple of minutes later, she responded.

"Okay, that's good

Your brother is quite the character, by the way"

"He is who he is, lol"

"He seems nice though."

Walking down along the sewers, he took his time. What was a little longer after the night he'd had?

"Donnie, what were you going to say when Michelangelo interrupted us?"

He stopped in his tracks and thought, having nearly forgotten that he was going to actually say it. He didn't just like her—for the first time, he was sure he loved her.

"That I think I love you, [y/n]."

He regretted not saying it when he was with her, but he just couldn't wait.

There was a worrisome pause on her end in which he imagined she was staring at her screen thinking about how strong that came off, that it was uncalled for, that he was going too fast—

"I said I liked you

But that was not quite the truth

I love you, Donnie."

Golden-brown eyes sparkling, he let out a laugh, unable to contain his happiness, and the rest of the brothers smiled to themselves hearing the whoop of joy and excitement echo in the tunnel.

His adventure in love and friendship had started within a screen, but he was bound to it no longer. This was the opening of a new chapter in his life.

Tag list: @kokokatsworld @criminaly-supernatural @dianounais @spaceman-main @sheepdarkhours @raphaelsrightarm

[ladykatakuri]

Coming Home to You

Echo x F Reader

Word count: 2363

Warnings: None really, it has some mentioning of nightmares and sadness and some fluffyness

I used the lyrics of a song to enhance the story i wanted to tell here.

Song: Sleep well my angel by We are the Fallen

Summary: Echo never thought he would ever dance with someone again, until you. He loved you there and then and it only became more

Watching you sleep for so long,

Knowing I can't turn the rain into sun any more

I've given you all that I have,

Now I stand here, too scared to hold your hand.

Afraid you might wake to see

The monster that had to leave

Echo stood in front of you, staring at your soft face with a sad smile. This beautiful person, soft smile on her face while asleep and his greatest love. But despite the deep and intense love that only grew stronger with each passing day, he felt he had to leave, deep inside himself. He was not the same man he once was, the Techno Union made sure of that.

When he was taken by them and they changed his body, something inside of him died. There was no escape, only the off chance of death for him and it was what he longed for the most. He had given up on being rescued and made peace with himself. If he could stop them from abusing his body and mind by dying, then it was alright. He might have even safed his brothers with his death.

Then one day he was found. Found by his brothers, by a crew of misfits and his captain who he admired greatly. Broken and no longer the man he once was, he was safed and had the smallest amount of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to live again. It took a long time to really recover physically and at times he still would find himself wondering how he could have adjusted to the loss of limbs and a normal body. But here he was, alive and with a new family. He still had nightmares and many regrets. His closest friend and brother had died without him around to at least say goodbye. Fives was no longer there to lift his spirit when he felt down in the dumps, but the memory of his fallen brother was greatly treasured and could at times still put a smile on his face.

Then he met you. A waitress at 79s, always kind, smiling  and always ready to make him and his brothers feel welcome. Make them all feel like actual human beings. You never treated them as nothing more than canon fodder or throw away human replicants, clones. To you they were all normal people with names and personalities. You even helped them find their own uniqueness and expres it at times, by painting their armor or figuring out what kind of tattoo would suit them. It blew him away when he first spoke to you and you just smiled at him with that bright and soft smile of yours. You grabbed his comp link as if it was his normal hand and dragged him to the dancefloor. Echo never thought he would ever dance with someone again, until you. He loved you there and then and it only became more, a deeper love and a deeper respect as well. From that moment on it was you and him. You helped him through his nightmares and his insecurities, helped him fight off the flashes of memories that sometimes came all of a sudden and would paralyze him in his tracks. You gave him his space when he needed to be on his own to work through his pain and personal hell, but always nearby when he needed to be caught after falling deep.

' Cause you see the shelter as the storm

Holding wind to keep you on,

You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave,

So sleep well my angel.

“Echo….. Don't leave me….” Four words, muttered in your sleep, but to Echo it was heartbreaking. You had felt something coming, realised that he was struggling more than ever before and even though he smiled and loved you as before, there was something different within. He kept a part of him hidden away from you and though you never said anything about it, you did know. Now, Echo was standing there, staring at the only person in the galaxy he loved more than life itself and he was drinking in your features for the last time. He had to go, you have sheltered him, acted as his shelter through all the storms raging in his mind, but now it was time to protect you from the last person he thought would be hurting you, himself.

Gently bending over you, Echo brushes a lock of hair behind your ear and softly brushes with his lips over yours. You sigh and a smile forms on your lips once more. As you automatically reach to the pillow next to you where he usually lays, Echo whispers. “Sleep well my angel.” One tear slowly falls down his cheek as he turns to leave the room and the only place he truly called home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Under the ash and the lies,

Something beautiful once here now dies,

And the tears burn my eyes,

As you sit there, all alone.

I just want to come home,

It had been several weeks since you last saw Echo. The only explanation you had for his sudden disappearance was a small note and a dried flower that he left on your desk.

Y/N,

I can never tell you how much you mean to me, how much you healed my heart. You stayed with me in the good times and when I went through my darkest moments. I love you more than I could ever say, that is why I had to leave. This is the only way to keep you from falling with me. My love for you is eternal, my wish for your happiness is the reason I ask you to think of me, not with hate but with the gentle smile you always have when thinking about the good times. Be happy my angel.

Always,

Echo

You kept the letter and the dried flower in a small wooden box in your desk. Sometimes you would look at it and cry, most times you tried your hardest to ignore the nagging feeling to take it out and hold it against your heart while in bed. At times you would just sit at your desk when memories flushed your mind and your tears fell without you even noticing it until much later. You would wonder why your cheeks were wet and then remember what it was you were thinking of. “Echo…” Just the mentioning of his name could be enough for you to be withdrawn all day and night, to stay in bed for hours or not get dressed and just sit on your couch as you blankly stare at a holo. Sometimes you would forget to eat and if it were not for your caf addiction, you would also forget to drink, but most times it was just the memory of pain and sadness, mixed with deep love and missing him that were ever present within you as you continued your daily life.

Now you were sitting at a table in a small diner somewhere on Coruscant. It was a nice and calm time to be there and you enjoyed those moments where you could calmly sip your caf, take a bite from your food and doodle away on a padd with the person sitting in front of you. “You know, it would help if you had a better picture of Numa. Now I can only guess the colour of her headdress.” Smiling, you look at the man in front of you when a shiver runs down your spine. You had those at times, at first you believed it was because Echo would be nearby and you would look around the place to find him. Then, when you realised he was never around, you just shrugged it off and moved on. Boil reached over the table and handed you a small piece of paper. “This is it Y/N, thanks for helping me out. I really want to have it on my armor.”

From a small distance. Echo was looking at you. Staring would be a better word to describe it. From the moment he left you behind with only his letter and small gift he felt terrible. His nightmares seemed to have gotten worse and not even his brothers were able to calm him anymore.

Hunter urged him to go back to you and finally talk to you, really talk to you, about everything he went through and still is. But, how could he explain to you that each time he would wake from his nightmares, he would be parazlyzed with fear? That he would see couples happily walk along the boardwalks, holding hands and smiling, dancing to music while in the back of his mind, he knew he was not all man and never enough of a man for you? How he saw you smile when you would see children play and he did not even know if he could ever make you a mother?

Tech would come with explanations as to why he felt this way, why his emotions were all over the place and even came with options for treatment, without having to report it to the doctors back at Kamino. If they were to find out how deep his emotions went, he would most likely be decommissioned or mind wiped. Neither were options to him, because they would mean losing you permanently. At Least now, he could still see you , even if it was from a distance and it pained him immensely.

Wrecker pulled him into a strong hug while he mentioned being his brother and always being there for him. That he could always find him if he needed to talk or wanted to vent by hitting him, or blowing something up. He might not seem like it, but Wrecker had many layers to him and the happy go lucky, destruction loving man was only the surface layer of him. He was always good at cheering up people and making them feel safe.

It was Crosshair that actually helped him decide what he truly wanted. “Just go to her and apologize. You wanna go home right? Stop being a coward and go home.” Flicking his toothpick at him while smirking, Crosshair walked off and left Echo at the diner where he saw you. Crosshair had brought him exactly where he needed to be and the moment he saw you, he knew, he did want to come home. And home is you.

Boil was happy with the work the two of you had done to his helmet. He finally had a small drawing of Numa on it that you helped him draw and color to honor the little sister he and Waxer had pretty much adopted back on Ryloth. Hugging you goodbye, he left with a grin and proudly pulled his helmet down over his head. Now you are back on your own again, ordering another caf. Suddenly a shadow falls over you.

When you look up, you stare into brown eyes, eyes that look at you with deep emotions of regret, fear and love.

“Echo….” Mouth open in amazement you see the man you missed for so long, you longed for and hated at the same time and who is now standing  in front of you. “What…? What are you doing here?” You don't know what to make of this, he left you with a letter and a dried flower as a goodbye and while his brothers did stay in touch as much as they could, he never contacted you again. The guys could not tell you exactly what had happened but you knew they did not agree with his actions either, though they would never tell you.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

You see the shelter as the storm,

Holding wind to keep you on,

You are everything to me, this is why

“I`m sorry. I`m sorry,  I`m so sorry…..” A tear falls from his eye as he stares at you and his body seems to tremble. You look up at the love of your life as he keeps on apologizing to you, body shaking, head almost exploding with all the emotions that run through you. You do the only thing you can do, you grab his hand and pull him down to your level and kiss him. Full on the lips with the diner as your witness you kiss this man that has been the love of your life all along, who you knew was going through more than you would ever be able to fully understand.

Surprised by your actions, Echo returns your sudden kiss and pulls back. A watery smile forms as he grabs for a chair and sits down next to you. “I…. I don't know how to explain….”

You raise your hand and stop him from talking. “Echo, how could you think I wouldn't understand? I knew my love. The nightmares, the anger and how sometimes you just had to be on your own or with your brothers? I knew and I know.” Suddenly, to his great surprise, you punch him on the arm. “How could you think I wouldn't understand?! I hated you when you just left in the middle of the night! I mean…. I know why you did it, even if you hadn't explained in that letter, but you should have known I understood! You kriffing idiot!” Tears freely fall as you lash out lovingly and Echo quickly grabs you by the waist and pulls you into his arms. Sitting you on his lap, not paying any attention to the other guests of the diner he kisses you. Arms wrapped around you, your head tugged against his neck, you feel his lips brush your ear as he whispers, “I love you my angel. We`ll work through it, I`ll work through it. Always.”

The diner guests clap when they realise what had happened and outside, just out of sight, four men grin and high five as they walk off towards a well known bar to celebrate the happy ending for their brother.

@loth-wolffe @hellothere-generalangsty @reluctant-mandalore @nahoney22

[cherryblossomtease]

Part 6a

18+ only

warnings summary masterlist

~Castle Zemo~

If a place could have a personality, this one would be as bold as the man who owns it.

You stand before the ancient structure, dwarfed by the rising towers and walls of stone. Only moments ago you thought the portcullis was the grandest thing you’d ever seen as the carriage brought you through, but now that you stand in the gravel drive, peering up at the castle which has stood since nearly the founding of Sokovia, it hits you heavy as a keystone, your life has truly changed forever.

“It’s incredible,” You manage when Helmut comes up behind you. “I don’t know what else to say really.” You try to count the turrets but it’s too hard in the dark and there are too many.

He stands at your side looking up, the fur of his coat turned high against the evening winds and you don’t even try to guess what he’s thinking. The man has years of memories built up behind these thick walls. “Say nothing, say everything, whatever you wish Baroness it is yours.” He says and smiles down at you.

The servants are standing to the side and you follow his lead going to greet them. Honestly you expect to be met with some hostility. Most of the serving class don’t take kindly to anyone attempting to rise above their station any better than those who employ them, but instead you are welcomed with accented hello’s as the butlers and footmen bow while the maids and kitchen girls curtsy. You meet each face with a smile and take the hand of your new and first Lady’s maid hoping you will have a good relationship. You’ll need a friend without Brigitte here and this one is the closest you’ll have.

“The fire is strong tonight my Lord. No chill will break through those old stone walls.”Says the old man at the head of the line. His English is a little hard to understand but you appreciate that he speaks it for your sake.

“Very good Oeznik” Helmut says clapping the butler on the shoulder. “We’ll eat in the small dining room and retire, it’s been a long journey. My wife and I— the Baroness.” Both men look back at you. “Are very tired.”

“Of course my Lord.”

You smile and bow to Oeznik forgetting that you’re not meant to but he doesn’t correct you, Instead he welcomes you home.

Once you’ve finished eating and Helmut has given you a fairly brisk tour of the castle by candlelight, you follow him up the center staircase as wide as the theatre stage to the halls upstairs. You feel dizzy and a little on edge by the time he stops at the heavy wooden doors of the room you will share. It is beautiful and grand, but you get a sense of ghostly eyes peering back at you from every dark corner, as though you are not alone inside this medieval dwelling.

It will take some time getting used to such a life, but you will try. For now you follow your husband closely inside.

Expecting something rather stark and cheerless, you are pleasantly surprised to find the room glowing warm with the fire, the bed piled high with pillows and wrapped with a shining silk duvet. There are chairs that look perfect for reading in the corner, a beautiful settee in font of the fire, and a large carpet to keep your feet warm. The walls are painted a deep and calming bluish green from floor to ceiling, moulding included, and you find the far wall of windows to be absolutely glorious. You can see the moon no matter where you are in the room.

“Helmut it’s beautiful.”

He is watching you, smiling, pleased to see that you are.

“I’ve always liked it.”

“It’s hard to imagine that you actually grew up here, that any one can grow up in such a magnificent place.”

He shrugs a little as if he’s never considered it, but then he’s never known anything else. “Perhaps.”

“I would have gotten lost so many times.” You say with a laugh.

“Lost, no, but there are many places to hide” He says sitting on the little bench at the end of the bed “Often, I would have to send the nurse to hunt Carl down, he would find places even I had never discovered.”

You turn, surprised to hear his son’s name. He’s said it once before and you’re certain it was a mistake then, he hadn’t been ready to share it with you so you’d only given him an understanding smile and steered the conversation in another direction. But now; you know it is the right time and place to speak of the child and the happy life they once had here, even if only for a moment.

You go to him, sliding your hands over his shoulders, standing between his legs. “It’s a beautiful place to watch a boy grow. You should speak of him often, his memory lives on with you Helmut, and in time, when you are ready and if we are able, perhaps you will have more sons—and daughters to chase after.”

His eyes dart up studying your face. At first he seems distant, afraid to put himself in that position of vulnerability, but as his gaze wanders down from your eyes to your lips and below, he softens and sighs. Of course he wants this. The part of him that still aches for what he’s lost has been slowly mending over time and as you promised to love him until you draw your last breath in that little country church, you had sewn the final stitch.

He is ready.

Without warning the door opens and both Hilda, your Lady’s maid and the old man Oeznik come in which is surprising to exactly no one but you.

You look back at Helmut wide eyed but he just smiles and shrugs, rising up from the bench.

"Brandy my Lord?" The butler asks coming to him.

"Not tonight Oeznik, thank you." Helmut answers, excusing himself to go and stand in the center of the room. He puts his arms out and his dinner jacket is removed with quick and careful precision.

"My Lady." Hilda says kindly.

You jump to attention having been mesmerized by the sight of a man undressing another. "Oh, yes... um. Yes?"

Hilda smiles and shows you how to stand as she helps you with your traveling clothes. She is impressive and works so quickly you can only give yourself over to her skill looking back at the Baron and pulling a face of concession that makes him laugh.

"It's good to see you happy again sir." You overhear Oeznik say as he pulls the Barons vest off.

Helmut just smiles and nods, crossing the room so that Oeznik may remove his cufflinks and place them in the dressing table drawer.

"Would you like me to help you into your nightgown my Lady?" She asks while it's just the two of you "Or would you like the Baron to do it?"

Snapping your head around, your eyes dart back to find Hilda's, sparkling in the firelight with just a spot of mischief in them. It makes you smile and relax a little. "It's all right, I've got something nice on underneath. Just help me out of this?" You answer and she gives a firm nod reaching for the ribbon around your neck but you turn quickly, your hands going protectively around the velvet. "No, please. L-Leave it." You mutter unable to look her in the eye.

She quickly bows her head looking at the floor. "Forgive me my Lady." She must know, but you don't want to think about it, not now.

"It's fine. Just, don't touch it please." You say awkwardly and turn around letting her undress you in silence.

By the time she's done and collecting your shed clothes, you thank her for her help wanting nothing more than to get past it. Hilda dips and looks up, her little smile showing that there are no hard feelings between you.

Smiling as you watch her slip away; the door shutting with a click behind her, you sigh and look around the beautiful room, the only sound the crackle of the roaring fire.

Helmut is waiting. He glances over at you from his place beside the bed, rubbing his hands together as he is in the habit of doing. He looks down with a smile. "Come here" He says amused that you are still standing so far away.

You pad over —that lovely rug like a cloud under your feet— until you are standing in front of him, closer to naked in your pretty cotton shift than you have ever been with any man before.

You are aware of how your nipples brush the nearly sheer fabric and how the feeling between your legs seems to spread like a little spark setting off a fire that makes your skin hot to the touch. Helmut is not the only one ready for this. You have wanted him for so long.

Your hair hangs free of the many pins to keep it up and he brushes it back over your shoulders. His fingertips graze along your bare collar bones as he admires the way your shift barely clings to your arms. Reaching for your hand, Helmut raises it up to kiss your fingers, holding your one hand with both of his. “You’re shaking,” He says stroking gently, his deep voice making you nearly crave him in spite of being afraid. You blush and look away. “I’ll add more to the fire.” He suggests.

“No, the fire is perfect.” You answer glancing back at the hearth large enough for more than one man to stand in.

Helmut looks down at you, gently hooking his finger around your chin, turning your head to face him again. His smile is sympathetic “I think I understand.”

You draw your lip between your teeth only for him to tug at your chin freeing it; now a dark and slightly wet pink. He strokes your plump lip and you lean forward just the slightest bit, kissing his thumb, your eyes rising up to meet his.

He makes a soft, low sound, something like a moan that fades into a sigh and slides his hands up and into your hair, holding your head still as he kisses you. He moves his body closer, pressing his hips against you letting you feel the exact effect you have on him and you can not help the way your eyes open going a little wide. You try to move away but he takes you by both arms.

“It’s all right.” He says, looking so soft in the deep orange glow. “Don’t be afraid of me mala ptica ” His husky voice in contrast to the warmth of his face. “And I promise I'll try not to hurt you.”

Your eyes dart up just as he kisses you.