#I don't think I've ever done one this long you guys were vital and I'm so pleased QuQ

[palestporn]

Gamzee: What those horns do tho

"So, uh, horns," you say, like a chill motherfucker who hasn't been throwing looks at this growly little motherfucker's head since you met him this morning.

"I've heard of them," he says, sass-mouthed little emperor with his tiny horns tossed like a challenge. Starts off toward the next block, and goes and takes the crown off his horns and peels his shirt off like it ain't no thing. You knew he was a solid little armful, but damn.

"Damn," you say, out loud, and he turns back to look at you like he's about to ask what's up and then sees you getting a full motherfucking ogle on and goes reddish at the ears and horns again.

"Yeah, yeah," he says, and waves off your looking at him. "So, horns?"

Oh shit, right. "Horns," you say back, and hurry on up to come after him. Are you supposed to take your shit off too? Way they trained it, if the emperor wants one of them touched he touches and if he wants their skin out he says so.

...Karkat turns away from you to fuck around with folding his shirt up, and shows you the whole length of his back, bared at you. You get kinda motherfucking stupid about it. Damn.

When you step up on him from behind him and put a hand real careful on the side of his neck, he goes tense and then eases slow--when you tilt back his head a little bit, he lets you.

"Out at the yellow, shit's about texture, I got told," you say, and just rest the blunt tip of a claw to the blunt tip of a horn. there's a little edge of ridge up and around; you can click the flat of a claw up along where it fades away, real light and slow. With his shirt off and his weight resting back on you, you can feel him shiver. "Gotta play nice if there's not a lot to get your grip on of, but you can rattle the fuck out of 'em if they're longer."

"Like yours," he says, intending at some shit. You had it shown at you how it feels to lock horns, not slamming against like a challenge but shifting around and clicking and catching together. Goes all down your posture column, like sparks. He's not got the horns, but you felt how strong his fronds are and he's sure the fuck got claws.

...Focus, motherfucker.

"Like mine, yeah," you say, and make distraction at yourself about how that might feel by sliding your grip on down and getting the heel of your frond right into the base of his horns.

You knew he'd like it, on account his ancestor's shit's been mapped and marked a hundred sweeps. But it still makes you feel like the emperor your own damn self, when he goes "Hhha, fuck," all shaky and sways back hard against you.

"Down at the red," you say, and press just like how you got taught, deep and slow, smoothing down his shaved-down hair along how it lays, not against it. "Gotta give some motherfucking pressure."

He says "Oh, fuck," again--and again, like it's about all he can think to say. Breathes slower, leans harder, grasps back and grips at you behind him. "Oh, shit."

"Gotta push harder than you figure," you say, for all your voice sounds cracked and not yours. "Head conciliatrix smacks the shit outta your knuckles if you go too light--feels like you're gonna hurt a motherfucker but if you get in there real good--"

You press again and he makes like to curse and only lets out a whine like pleading instead, crooning under it in his rattlebox. Bites it off embarrassed a second later, but holy shit. Fuck.

"--That shit'll undo knots all the way to the motherfucking ground if you do it right," you finish off, and for a beautiful miracle of a second you don't think about being pissed, or scared, or ghosts or emperors or any other bullshit. Just how he goes loose in your grip, barely keeping his feet. "Motherfucker, you sound so fucking good."

"I'll pay you back with interest," he croaks out, brave show but wavery. "In the evening. We need to sleep. Hha, shit. C'mon, 'coon."

"Tonight" again, huh? Lotta shit happening tonight. Who fucking knows how your life's gonna shake up by this time tomorrow morning.

You think you can just about motherfucking live with that.

[-END-]

[START OVER]

[utilitycaster]

Re: villain stans, I really do think you're conflating two groups of people and I feel the need to point it out because the art of haterism deserves pinpoint precision. The thing is that I would consider myself, broadly speaking, a villain stan and I also can't stand the people you're complaining about in that post because I think they've missed the point entirely. They've ruined the entire villain-loving ecosystem. I can't even facetiously say "they've never done anything wrong, ever, in their entire life" about characters that may as well be called Murders McWarCrimes, and whose death or comeuppance I am eagerly awaiting alongside everyone else in the fandom, because some of these idiots actually mean it when they say things like that -- and usually about some of the blandest, most disappointing villains I've seen in a long time. It's like passionately defending the storytelling equivalent of a slightly offensive shade of beige.

Look, some of us see the "time to boo and hiss" signs the narrative is putting up, but I'm not looking to experience every story like it's a children's pantomime. Maybe sometimes I want a wrestling match instead. I know the heel is going to lose. That's their job. It's what they're for. But if imagining that they might win is outside the realm of possibility... well, it's probably not a very good story. The stakes are not compelling. There's a reason that I would describe, say, c1 Briarwoods as delicious and c3 Delilah as overstaying her welcome. A good antagonist is a vital part of the story ecosystem and I enjoy seeing that role played well.

But I don't get to relish in characters being terrible people who do terrible things anymore, because now villain fandom is always overrun by people who read one Wikipedia article on moral relativism and want to have debates about what if Murder McWarCrimes is good actually? No! No, they are not! And if they were, that would be stupid and boring!

And so I reach across the metaphorical aisle to you that we may share in one of the hater's greatest delights: the knowledge that no one likes those idiots, and everyone wishes they would just shut up, even the people they think are on their side.

Hey anon,

I will admit usually when I get a long ask telling me I am conflating things I roll my eyes and wait for someone to say "i am feeling uncomfortable when we are not about me" but, the truth is, I very much was, and you are correct to the point that I think we are fully in agreement.

To be clear: I am pro people enjoying themselves in, as you say, the wrestling fan enjoying the heel way! I agree - a good story needs a villain who feels like a genuine threat. I can appreciate a villain for what they are and enjoy them very much as a character! I am personally unlikely in most cases to root for them but people who look at the story, analyze it, and say "this will be a fun guy to care about, even though I know the victory's probably going to the heroes, and I will be normal and not terribly resentful" are entirely valid and my post is not about them (except to say carry on as you were). It sounds like you're in this latter category and so: carry on as you were, you guys are great.

But I am definitely conflating two flavors of annoying villain stan:

the first is, as you very eloquently put it, the Person Who Read One Wikipedia Article About Moral Relativism and ooooooh what if Mr. Murder McWarcrimes was sufficiently sad about bad things in his life such that the murder and war crimes are correct actually.

The second is the person who does understand that they are looking at a villain who is a bad person but seems actively confused that like, a largely hopeful or heroic narrative will probably not end with Mr. Murder McWarcrimes stabbing everyone to death and then evil laughing against a red lightning-filled sky and seems mad that people are like "actually I like Kit the Heroic Hero". Actual Play D&D is not a place where you'll find these people because a TPK is technically possible regardless of the existing themes! But like...for example, I have to imagine theatergoers in 1983 who weren't idiots did not walk into Return of the Jedi like "oh man I think Darth Vader's gonna win the whole thing and he'll blow up everyone and institute more Space Fascism over the nuked out husk of Endor." Like, as you say, the villain needs to have some bite to be worth my time, but deep in my heart, there are stories where I know that victory is assured by the nature of the plot and it's much more about how it will be assured and what sacrifices will be made, and so it's weird when someone seems to be existing in a denial that that's the story and is like NO Mr. Murder McWarCrimes is NOT going to get a comeuppance and everyone is going to DIE at his hand.

[marimayscarlett]

Obviously, I'm just speculating, but taking from what Schneider said last year - I don't think the rest of the guys were ever jealous of Till's solo work. Why would they be? Especially after Emigrate. Richard and Till clearly need a bigger let out than Rammstein can provide, and if it doesn't interfere with Rammstein, then why not? But unlike Emigrate, Lindemann went on tour. Garnered negativity that reflected onto the band. And most importantly, unlike Richard, Till got further away from them. He didn't want to and couldn't spend more time with them as individuals and as a band member. He got a new friend group, new entourage, which integrated into Rammstein and put an even bigger wedge between them. Till even stopped flying with them! And that what might've caused resentment caused by fear. Is Till quitting Rammstein? Is he even still our friend?

And Richard had a fight with Zoran before the backstage bj video which btw was tasteless and lowkey offensive to the band and the crew. Mein Teil is a great video but they've made some masterpieces since then. None of which had to involve sado masochism veiling itself as "being misunderstood".

I've nothing against Till doing what he's doing, he has every right to it but I also believe that last years incident should've been a massive eye opener (not the fucking young women part. He made it very clear with his poem that he doesn't care what we think about that) but that if he wants Rammstein to continue, he cannot lead a double life. Richard managed to separate Rammstein-self and Emigrate-self whilst still maintaining both full time. Till completely failed that, clearly deeply hurting 5 other individuals in the process. It was easier for him to do what he wants and ice everyone out. It's better if they took a long, long break than ruin 30+ year relationship with silence.

As for Zoran. He's just bitter. If post Zoran Rammstein videos are Ali Express, then wtf does that make him? Because no one even knew of him before the band and certainly he's not making any headlines post band. His only saving grace was Till but even then, his Lindemann videos aren't even the best ones..

Hi and thank you for the time and effort you put into writing this out 👋

I will work my way through this message and will add some of my own thoughts to it - this will be subjectiv and not everyone has to agree with everything.

It is true that Till and Richard both needed an additional outlet for their creative processes - the difference is that Till treats his solo project like a normal band and likes to go on tour (Richard mentioned this in one interview once that touring is a vital part for Till's creative life), while Richard treats his more like a studio project. Going out, touring with a stage show like his, putting out videos in this very style which is seen as 'typical Till' by now I might say - all this can serve as a target for misunderstanding, resentment, problems in general.

I do sometimes wonder why he takes these risks (after last summer more than ever). I know he as an artist has his own visions and wants them to come to life, which is his right - but I sometimes ask myself if it's worth it. If it's worth it that others have to deal with the problems his work/behavious has caused. But then again: it's none of my business and he has the freedom to do as he pleases.

I used this ask as an impetus to read Schneider's statement again (something which still triggers me a bit and which i haven't done in over half a year), and Schneider writes this: "Till has distanced himself from us in recent years and created his own bubble. With his own people, his own parties, his own projects. That made me sad, definitely." While I never understood this as being criticism towards Till having his musical side project, I do see it as criticism on how he treats it and how he handles things around it - between the lines there is (at least from my point of view) definitely discontent and concern. So I do believe the band doesn't see anything wrong with having side projects (in Richard's case they were even happy and relieved about it), but maybe in the trend of side projects demanding too much attention or developping possible unpleasant characteristics/outgrowths.

One can only hope that the last year really served Till as a wake up call to overthink some structures which gained influence around him.

"It's better if they took a long, long break than ruin 30+ year relationship with silence." I'm honestly not sure about this and I don't know what good a break would do in this case - since seemingly nothing incriminating had happend, there's no reason for a break in this regard, and maybe, just maybe, it's good for the band to work together this year, in their anniversary year, to actually feel close to each other, to reminisce together, something in this regard.

Regarding Zoran: Like I said in the post I reblogged, I find it highly conceited of him to quite literally say that every thing that came after him music video-wise, every art work from another director is inferior to his work in its quality (hence the 'AliExpress' metaphor). If he really means it that way, it's quite laughable to be honest. In my opinion, he is resting too much on his laurels he garnered from 'Mein Teil' - which admittedly had an immense effect and gave us Frau Schneider, and from "saving" 'Mein Herz brennt', but to say that the music videos of 'Deutschland', 'Adieu' or 'Zeit' are below his standards is mind-boggling to me (if I understand his allusion correctly).

Zoran's Lindemann videos are not my taste, and saying he wanted to express lonliness and insatiableness with a porn-video seems hypocritical and sends out 'oh I'm an artist, of course nobody understands me correctly'-pick me vibes. I'm not surprised that a lot of people who respects their own work didn't want to work with someone anymore who made a project like 'Till the end'.

[whencallstheheart]

To be fair to Lucas and Elizabeth fans, this breakup is unexpected coming straight from their relationship in season 9. However, as you and others have said before, it makes sense based on season 10.

While obviously emotions are running high, it’s almost a bit surprising to me how Lucas fans cannot accept that everything this show does is for ratings.

I see them commenting about how disrespectful this is to the “loyal” hearties, as if this hasn’t all been done before.

Elizabeth’s decision in season 8 was meant for shock factor and the ratings that would follow. No one expected her to pick Lucas, even Team Lucas fans. Literally every sign pointed to her choosing Nathan.

Ratings and viewership are vital for a TV show, and drama like a huge main couple breakup like this brings these things ten fold.

Funniest thing about this whole situation to me is that Lucas fans are finally realising how fickle Brian Bird is. Multiple times today i’ve seen a repost of Bird saying that the Lucas decision was the right one and that Elizabeth was falling for Lucas this time, not the mountie. Look at him now, he was almost ecstatic in the aftershow interview about the direction of the show.

Only thing that’s truly annoyed me is a post I saw saying that Lindsey is clearly Team Nathan, as if John Tinker and his wife were not the No.1 Team Lucas supporters? Even Alfonso literally said that the reason he brought a triangle in is because he wanted to show fans that Nathan was the better choice even though he was a Mountie?! Makes me wonder what would have happened if Alfonso had stuck around for season 8?

Absolutely. Season 10 turned everything on its head. I certainly never expected that Nathan and Elizabeth would ever get a second chance. I fully expected her to marry Lucas and was fine with that.

Yeah, they're mad. They're lashing out. But all shows do this. Couples break up all the time. They have to keep things fresh and exciting. Unfortunately their couple was a casualty but I'm sure Lucas is going to get a good storyline that he wouldn't have been able to have with Elizabeth. This is a positive thing for the character but I don't think they're ready to see that yet.

BB is the worst and I've been saying that for years but people still worship the guy for some reason. He's gonna go along with whatever is happening at the moment... as are all of the actors and writers, etc. People fail to see the big picture sometimes.

The whole showrunner thing is a big mystery. Any of the showrunners could've been fine long-term but for whatever reason they like to switch it up. I don't really get the logic behind it or keep up with what any of them are saying. I haven't heard her talk about Nathan/Elizabeth but she did seem very pro-Lucas' future in season 11. Maybe they had to get Tinker out because they wanted to put Elizabeth with Nathan? Who knows. We'll never know.

[icannotgetoverbirds]

hi yeah holy fuck holy shit y'all

gotdamn this is a story for the ao3 author hall of fame. im still homeless and i promptly realized a couple of days afterwards that uh yeah no can do the whole living independently thing so im looking for a group home. in the meantime i managed to get into a decent shelter, get acchs insurance, and am working on getting a case manager.

holy fuck it's been quite the. week or so? the days have kinda been blurring together so idk. hopefully i'll get into a group home soon. i've got some family that i'm gonna try and contact in case they'd be more understanding than my parents about the whole 'being disabled' thing.

anyways that's the short version. long version under the cut

so basically bc im an exmo i've been incredibly isolated as i've tried and failed to build an entire new support system from the ground up. i had one singular friend who i could reliably talk to (i think i have two now and a few case workers so that's an improvement) and even then it was only over the phone. aside from that, i do have y'all online here, but again, i need a device in order to be able to chat with y'all.

and because my body is an absolute shitshow - in addition to my executive functioning issues - i wasn't able to get much done around the house. now, for some reason, my parents looked at me and decided that this shit is all a lack of responsibility. don't get me wrong, i couldn't exactly be responsible for much. but the key word there is couldn't, not wouldn't.

and for some reason, they look at the situation and decide, time and time again, that the best solution is punishment - by taking away my phone and internet access. not necessarily out of the ordinary for most parents, but given the circumstances, that's absolute dogshit for my mental health.

so, when i literally developed a new fuckin health issue that left me bedbound for a couple of days, my mom told me that we were going to 'have a conversation'. aka my shit was gonna get taken. again.

and that would've been it for me. isolated, in pain, sick, tired, without anybody to lean on. so i said fuck that shit, packed my stuff, and walked out.

i started off at a shelter that used to be a prison, and oh my fucking god i don't think i've ever been more pro-prison-abolition or whatever the fuck it is. like goddamn that shit's inhumane. i ended up having to take a trip to the ER because they didn't stock enough water, resulting in me becoming so dehydrated that my ribs cramped to the point of keeping me from breathing.

not long after that i spiralled a bit so i went to a crisis center where i got people that started working on my case. we determined that i'd be best off in a group home and they transferred me to a transitional facility while they got that figured out.

I get there and discover that my hip, which i thought had just popped weird, felt like it had dislocated. Thankfully, i think i just sprained it, but I was in a lot of pain that first night. Night shift came around to take vitals, I told them what was going on, and they proceeded to not only wave me off, but also one of them looked at me - as i was writhing in pain, crying, trying to keep quiet, and digging my nails into my skin to distract myself - with the look you reserve for dog shit you've just stepped in. So, you know, that was fun. Also nobody there got their medications that night. The shitshow that was nightshift there is gonna be important later.

i had tried to make friends with some of the people there that evening, and, being myself, I spoke very openly and honestly about my queerness and sexual history (or lack thereof), like a dumbass, and obliviously believed them when they said that I was one of the guys.

I later overheard them making plans to correctively rape me. Thankfully, I was on my way out to the hospital for my hip, so I notified day shift before I got into the ambulance.

I spent that night at the hospital, sleeping in a lobby chair (the hospital staff were very sympathetic to my situation, thankfully), and then called the crisis center that was attached to the transitional facility. managed to get taken into the crisis center, where i stayed for a couple of days. one of the guys who'd been making the plans ended up transferring into the same crisis unit, so that was a fuckin' blast to deal with. thankfully, the people at the crisis unit cared and did their jobs well, so i had eyes on me at all times and stayed safe.

eventually, i got sent back to the shelter i started at, then transferred back to the original crisis unit where people had been working on my case. i got some rest, got sick from eating gluten because i was so sleep deprived that i didn't care, then they got me into a much nicer shelter. i have a meeting with someone in about an hour and a half to try and get into a youth shelter, and I'm also going to attempt to contact some family members that might be more understanding and willing to help me while I pursue a group home.

I am very fucking tired, and despite everything that I've been through, I still wouldn't go back to my parents to save my life. Definitely gonna be a lot to unpack with my therapist.

o7

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty long day. With a lot of moving parts. But it wasn't a bad day at all. I am just very tired.

I slept okay last night. I didn't get woken up as much but I did wake up with a little bit of a sore throat still. I had been very cold at one point and ended up . But I was pretty cozy after that. I think James slept a little bit better. But they emotionally were not in a great place this morning. Honestly they weren't a great place emotionally for the entire day.

They told me that a lot of the day they were reliving the accident. Which was making them feel very bad. And I felt really bad that they felt really bad. And I just don't think anybody was having a good time.

But we tried to be there for each other. I appreciate that I got to sleep in until 7:30. And I got dressed and we made sure that we had all of our paperwork for the doctors and we headed to the museum.

James wanted to get everything set up before we left for our appointment. So I dropped them off and I went to get breakfast. And then I came back and I ate in the back while I talked to my co-workers. We have a new person, her name is also Jess, and it was very nice meeting her. We also got all the table set up and I did a little checking in with a few people before all of a sudden it was 9:00 and me and James had to go. We'd be back in a few hours.

The appointment was great honestly. Doctor's office was a little in need of update. The lights were a little yellow. They weren't very modern. But everyone was a very nice. We didn't have to wait very long. We filled out our paperwork and we handed them the folder with all of our information. And they were very nice when I had questions because I had never had someone need to request medical documents from anywhere before. Or at least I've never tried to do that in my memory.

Oh man I just noticed that my earring is missing. I had to take up a few minutes to find back. The only ones I seem to have are very tiny. It's not a huge deal. My piercings never close up. But it is annoying.

James have their appointment first. And the doors were pretty thin. Because I could hear a lot of the conversation. And in my opinion James was not telling them how much pain that they are in. And that frustrated me. But the nursery took me back to to my vitals and stuff was really sweet. And when I went back to the doctor he was really nice too. I choked that I have a whole list of ailments but doctors only ever want to handle one or two. And he agreed once we got through the whole list. But we also both agreed that me going to see a rheumatologist is the best course of action. And that hopefully whatever they fix will help fix the other stuff. Not perfect system but it's something. And he wants me and James to come in to do blood work on Tuesday. And he also asked if I had considered being assessed for bipolar disorder or depression. And I told him I would consider it. Though I don't think I'm anywhere close to some people in the manic and heavy mood swings. But it's definitely something I thought about.

So we're done pretty quickly honestly. And we were back at the museum before 10:30. But it was not in time for me to jump on the tour I was supposed to have gone on at 10:00. It wasn't a big deal. Jessica had done my role of watching our new guy, Jim. And so I went and checked in with Del and talk to James for a little bit. And then it was time for the kids lunch so it wasn't like a huge deal at all. It's pretty chill honestly.

And my two programs that I had after lunch were excellent. I was like on a roll. I was very funny. And I spoke very clearly. I was training Jim and I think I did a good job of explaining different ways you can do stuff. And the kids seem to have a great time. We started with balls and track. And they built their roller coasters. And there were lots of laughs. And I've gotten better over the years of not worrying too much about rushing. They just want to build and have a good time and that's important.

And we finished exactly on time once they were cleaned up. And then we went across the hall to go to the assembly line. I was alone with them then. I mean the river like 10 chaperones but there was no other staff members. And we had such a good time. They definitely got a little louder towards the end. But I think they did great and they made all the cars and they were all very proud of themselves. During the video one of the parents asked me if I had training as a teacher. And she said that I was really good at my job and that made me feel awesome. I really did feel like I was on my A game today.

I took him to the bathroom and then said goodbye to them. They were all very sweet and saying goodbye to me.

Back to the break room to do some checking in and a few supplies. There's a lot of lively conversation back there. And then me and Jordan would go out to our car so that he could give me the rest of his mom sewing stuff. A lot of it's going to go to summer camp. I'm hoping that we can do quilt squares again this year. And some of it I'll keep for my own projects. But I really hope that Jordan's mom's memory can be honored through the projects that will make. It was really nice of him to give me all that stuff. Though it did fill up our entire car and it was very heavy.

And then I went to sweep the assembly line and got my rollers to work on the next set of Christmas cards with museum. Which took me about an hour and a half to do. A lot quicker than the other day. And they went pretty well overall. I found a little bit of a better way to do the two color prints. But it wasn't perfect. I'm getting better every time though so I'm hoping that as we go on they will just improve and improve and improve.

Jack was training the new people, and Becca, to do all of the machines on tour. And after they finish doing that Jess, the new girl, came back so I could talk to her all about the linotype and just about museum stuff. She wants to go back to school to get her master's degree in museum studies. And we just talk shop a while. About how not working at ships was probably her dodging a bullet and just some of the weird stuff about working in small museums. The not even political stuff but the weird decisions that they make. And she's really cool. I hope that she stays a while because I enjoy her company.

I want to meet James at the front. But they had to stay for a few extra minutes because there was a meeting that an artist was coming in to talk to Paula about the gift shop. But she was supposed to come tomorrow and she accidentally came today. But that was fine I wasn't in a rush. We were planning on just stopping at the Walgreens in the shopping center before we went home to get James's prescriptions and some new gauze and medical tape.

But then we got up to the shopping center the Walgreens was closed. Like they took the store away closed. I wonder if it's because the grocery store just opened. I'm not really sure. It's very strange because that was a nice Walgreens.

So we went to the one in our neighborhood. But the medication was out of stock until tomorrow. Thankfully James has enough to get through tonight but that was very annoying that they didn't tell us that. So we just got the gauze and medical tape and a tube of Pringles. And we went home.

James made pasta bake for dinner. And I would spend a good amount of time coming up and down the stairs bringing stuff inside. I am not strong enough to carry everything so I had to make a whole bunch of trips using our IKEA bag. And that was fine. I did run into someone who just moved across the street whose cat apparently got out while they were moving in. And I feel horrible about it. Really hope that they find them. And I'll keep an eye out for a stripey brown cat.

Once I came inside I was excited because me and James have two Advent calendars to open. We've only done one so far. We're going to open the other one after they finish their broadcast. And it was very good chocolate. The other ones going to be jam. I'm very excited to do Advent calendars.

I worked in the studio for a long time. Organizing all of the fabrics and notions that Jordan gave us. I decided what I'm going to keep, what's going to go to puhtok, And what I can store for now to decide later. And I'm pretty happy with my choices. And so I decided since I was on a roll to start cutting fabric for a quilt that I want to start working on. I want to do a quilt dress or some other wearable. So I wanted to pick colors that I thought would look really good together that I would definitely wear. So I worked on that for a bit but my back started hurting after like an hour of cutting. So then I just put things away and I've been hanging out since then. I had a bowl of cereal. I watched a video. I worked on my felting for a while. I added lions to my other shoe. Very excited about it.And now I'm going to go take a shower.

I am going to go to my parents tomorrow. I'm going to have dinner with Joanna and I'm going to see Jess on Saturday. I am a little nervous about leaving James but James says that they will feel worse if I don't go. Which I understand not wanting to change my stuff but I also 100% would stay home if they want me to. I just have to trust that they are telling me the truth and that they will reach out to friends if they need someone.

I hope you all have a good night. Stay warm. It really is starting to feel like winter consistently now. Sleep well everyone.

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 2 of 2

Part 1 is here:

She never knew it would hurt this much when the person she loves is right in front of her, but she can't reach out and touch him; when she is still her, he is still him, but everything else has changed, like an invisible lever in an old theatre changing the scenery in the background, bringing them both to the part of the play where they are hopelessly lost.

[[MORE]]

All it took was one single moment, one single decision, and everything feels irrevocably broken now. It makes her contemplate on the true nature of relationships, how fragile they are, and how easy it is to shatter them- and her.

The smoke is slowly clearing, and all that seems to be left is a man who is doing his best to keep his distance from her, physically and emotionally.

She can tell from the way he stands with his arms crossed, or his fists clenced when his hands are by his side, that he really doesn't want to hold her hand. How can something so simple as the touch of his fingers be so vital to her existence that it feels like something has been ripped out from inside her?

She wants to reach out and touch him, but she is scared that if he pulls away outright, any hope of reconciliation that she still has left will shatter into pieces.

And she really needs this hope. It's the only thing she still has left. It's the only thing that keeps her going.

---

He looks like a man with a mission.

They spent quite a long time together, running from the TVA, running towards the citadel at the end of time, hoping to achieve their goal of bringing down the one behind the curtains.

But that was her mission, and he was there for her. She was the one behind the wheels, he was the one keeping the sails afloat.

Now it's different. Now he has a defined goal, a glorious purpose.

She's seeing him in a whole new light now, and not just because he has switched to Asgardian leather and metal armors.

As far as she is concerned, she is better off doing it all alone. One woman army, nobody to get in her way, nobody to screw up her plans. Nobody to blame her if it all goes to shit.

Or so it was, until two months ago, when Mobius decided to enlist her help in fixing the multiversal madness.

She has never really worked with people before, and it's weird, to say the least. She never considered herself a team player, but she is finding herself hating the idea less and less lately.

And she swears it has nothing to do with him. Not the fact that they are working together, and seeing his face first thing in the morning brings her a sense of calm that she quite can't explain. Or the fact that their rooms are next to each other and it makes her feel secure enough to finally get some rest at nights. Or that this whole arrangement has kept them on talking terms, when they had gone their own separate ways otherwise.

Nothing to do with that at all.

---

Humans are stupid, and the biggest evidence of this is how they decided that two extremely powerful Gods skilled at magic, enchantment, and defeating an evil extra dimensional cloud that swallows everything it touches, should be delegated to the role of research. "You're clever. You're good at reading people. You can put yourselves in the shoes of the bad guys, no offense", they said, but really, what they meant was, "We can't trust you out in the field much." She knows it, he knows it. She just doesn't know why he's complying.

That's how they find themselves researching every single day.

She likes to think he's not the only reason why she's studying in the library instead of in the comfort of her room, but that'd be a lie.

At first, he chooses to sit at a separate table. But she keeps going over to his to "get his opinion" on something in the file she's reading, and finally, he gives in. Their current arrangement consists of him sitting in the chair in front of her, to the left, prim and proper, while she hoists her feet up on the table.

He falls asleep on the desk one night, face smacked against a file, the tiniest bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. It would be a hilarious sight, if her heart wasn't feeling what she can only describe as longing.

They should probably talk about it, like mature adults, but neither of them know how to do that.

All she can do right now is gather the courage to run her fingers through his hair. The touch is hesitant at first, as if one wrong move would make him wake up and push her back to square one. Slowly, she relaxes, letting her fingers dance on his scalp.

He stirs in his sleep. "Please Sif. I'm sorry. Don't cut off my glorious locks, please."

Now this is a story she must hear when things are better.

If things are better.

---

Doctor Strange joins them very briefly, very rarely, but the tension between him and Loki is hard to miss. It's worse than the current situation with her, and that's saying something.

"You don't really like Stephen, do you?"

Something inside him seems to shift, but he masks it behind a non-chalant look immediately and just arches an eyebrow at her. "He's Stephen now, is he?"

"Well, that is his name." She shrugs. "What do you call him?"

"Strange", he spits the word out with an amount of irritation that indicates there definitely is a story there. "That is his name", he mimics.

She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing", he lies, ignoring the horrifying flashbacks of thirty minutes of endless falling. Not a single soul must ever know a mere human got the best of him. "What can he do to me? I'm a God among those mortals. He just irks me because he is so pompous, and arrogant, and he ceaselessly uses magic to toy with others."

She pretends to think deeply. "Now where have I seen that before?"

He scoffs. "You mock me, but I am nothing like him. For one, I am not rude."

"He seems fine to me", she declares decisively.

It's the first time in months that he gives her a cheeky grin. "That's because you're rude too."

---

They are still just containing the threats to their world, instead of finding a way to fortify the barriers between worlds and stop the threats from coming.

"Shouldn't we have a plan to seal off the other worlds from ours?" She asks him one day.

"They are working on it." He tells her, and then with a look of worry, adds, "I hope."

There are debates on what to do at the Avengers tower and at the TVA. Nobody seems to agree on what the best course of action is, but everyone seems to be following the general instructions of Doctor Strange.

During one such meeting, a Minuteman makes the mistake of voicing out loud how she wondered if things would be better if they were running according to their old boss's plans.

Sylvie feels the guilt wash over her once more.

"No", Loki tells them all firmly. The determination in his voice takes her completely by surprise. "Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary. The definition’s blurred." She catches him steal a glance at her direction. "We couldn't have left a dictator in charge just because it's convenient. Listen, I'm the bad guy. I've done horrible, unspeakable things. I thought humans needed to be ruled. I wanted to rule. But even I know that it's not right to take away a person's life completely. These are innocent people. You are innocent people. You have families back home, parents, children", a pause and a softening of his features, "-love. A whole past, a whole future. That man had no right to take it away from you."

His powers of persuasion are foreign to her, and it's mesmerizing to watch. Her enchantments cannot hold a candle to how he is able to just talk people into doing what he wants, thinking what he thinks, seeing what he sees.

"He who remains had a plan. One, singular plan, from one, singular man." There is absolute conviction in his voice. "It's not the only way. We'll find another way. A better way."

She has never known what it is like to have someone see you for who you are- broken and flawed, and defend you- even your well-intentioned actions that yielded different results than what you expected and hurt them in the process. She suspects it has been the same for him, a lifetime of not having anyone have his back.

The warm feeling inside her is brand new. What is the name of this? Comfort? Relief?

Happiness?

---

This will be their first time out in the field in a long time, and she feels a little sick to the stomach.

He notices. "Are you alright?"

The concern in his voice tugs at her heartstrings. She nods. She has faced way worse, she shouldn't be so nervous about this, but she is. "I've never done this before."

"We can always just kill him and blame it on the Chitauris", he suggests with a serious face.

"I heard that", Peter yells from the other room, where he is doing whatever it is that teenagers do to prepare for battle.

She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're babysitting."

"I've done this before", he assures her, and it surprises her to picture him being entrusted with such a serious task. "The trick is to conjure up illusions that keep them distracted enough to not cry."

She laughs. "You're thinking of infants. This one is a little older."

"I'm over a thousand years old, Sylvie. They're all infants to me."

Peter joins them, mask covering his face so that he doesn't reveal his identity. "So what do I call you? Loki and Loki? That's confusing. How about Loki and Lady Loki? Or is that offensive? I'm not suggesting women are inferior, because they're absolutely not..."

"Does he come with an off switch?" She whispers in horror as Peter rambles on.

Loki grins. With one wave of his hand and a flash of green, Peter's own webbing shoots out and seals his mouth shut.

---

Things are fine but not fine at the same time. He's right there beside her, but not there at all. They have their banters, they have their stolen glances, but they haven't had a meaningful conversation since that first day when she got back. She's been putting it off for a long time, but she knows they really do need to have the talk.

She corners him in his room one evening while he's tinkering with a temporal collar. She takes a seat in the chair next to his bed and rests her hand on the table, leaning her head against her palm, before switching position and crossing her arms and legs. Everything about her posture screams uneasiness. If he notices- he probably does- he doesn't say anything.

"You defended me that day."

He briefly looks up from the task at hand and gives her a soft smile. "Of course."

She blinks. "I don't understand." Her hands involuntary rise up to rub her temples. "If you can justify my actions to them, then how can you still be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you", he says without missing a beat.

"Rubbish", her words come out angrier than she intended. This frustration is the result of the months of status quo they have had. She has to know now, one way or the other. "You're distant. You're guarded", she accuses. Then her voice breaks, as she feels a part of her break all over again with her next words. "You don't hold my hand. Why? Tell me."

He abandons the collar and focuses his full attention on her. Staring straight into her eyes, he answers her. "You know why."

"I wouldn't be asking if I did. Look, if it's because I chose the mission over you-"

"-Of course it's not that." He says decisively. Then a sad smile clouds his face. It's the same look he had when she accused him of conning her to gain the throne. "Do you think I'm the type of man who would want a woman to abandon her life-long ambitions just because she has met someone?"

She knows he isn't. But it still doesn't answer why he is so cross with her. "What is it then?"

He pauses for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to bare his soul out to her once more or not. There are two ways he can go from here- choose to not let her in again and save himself from the hurt, or trust her again and open himself up to potential pain.

Who is he kidding? Pushing her away- keeping her away- doesn't hurt any less.

There were a thousand things that had to go wrong to bring two Lokis from two universes together. A connection like that, it doesn't just happen.

And it doesn't just go away. The pain is constant, it's a part of him, pounding like a second heart every second he has to stop himself from reaching out for her hand.

This has to come to an end.

He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself. "You didn't have to send me away, Sylvie. I wanted to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. But in the end, I didn't care what you chose. I just wanted us to do it together."

She never even imagined this could be the reason for his hurt. All these months spent thinking he hates her for her choices, and now it turns out he is hurt simply because she chose to do it alone? "I'm sorry." She says sincerely. "I just wanted you to be safe."

"And I just wanted to be there with you till the end." He confesses. His eyes shimmer with the emotions he has kept bottled in for so long. "You go, I go."

She doesn't know what to say to that. She has never been good at articulating her feelings. Tears stream down her cheeks at the realisation that even after everything, he is still there for her.

She didn't cry even back at Lamentis when they thought they were going to die. She doesn't let anyone see her cry when she is sad or scared. That's all she has known her whole life. She's used to it by now.

This is new. These are tears of relief. Comfort.

Happiness.

Tentatively, she crosses over to the bed and sits by his side.

It's quiet for a few minutes. But unlike the months of tension so thick she could cut it into splices with her daggers, this is comfortable silence. The kind they had before it all went wrong.

"Did you even miss me?" He whispers.

"What kind of silly question is that? Of course I did." Her shaking hands grab his, and oh how she missed this.

He intertwines their fingers. His eyes draw closed. Bliss. That's the only word for this feeling.

He opens his eyes again and studies her. She's staring back at him, teary-eyed, but with a hopeful smile. "Really? Because you have a really unique way of showing it. You didn't even come looking for me."

"I didn't know how to face you", she tells him honestly. No tricks, no enchantment, no treachery. Not with him. "I didn't know if you even wanted to see me." Her voice grows quieter, dropping to a timbre that perfectly encapsulates her deepest fear. "I thought you hated me."

"Hate you?" He is shocked that she thinks that is even possible, specially after seeing him these last few months. "Sylvie, I'm working with the Avengers. The Avengers. Do you know how much I hate them? They are my nemesis. They're self-righteous, condescending, and so completely dull. Every second with them makes me want to rip their hearts out. Why do you think I'm here with them?"

She thinks she knows. But she needs to hear it anyway.

"It's because of you." He lays it all out on the table. All cards on deck, win or lose. "You've been running away. I have been the one who has been here, trying to hold down the fort, working to fix everything. Because that is what one does when one loves-"

Shit. The word slips out before he realises it.

Their eyes go wide in unison.

"Sylvie, I-"

"-Don't you dare take it back now." She warns him. "I-" She doesn't know how to say it either. They make such a great pair, both equally daft at saying how they feel, like they are teenagers, not Gods who have lived for centuries. "I've been running because I didn't think I could bear the burden of knowing I found you and then I lost you. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

He kisses the back of her hand, before letting it go. He cups her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want to lose you either."

She leans in closer, until their foreheads touch. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and soft. That is exactly how she feels inside. "You won't", she promises. "You go, I go."

---

(Quote on Lesser Evil from The Witcher. Thanks for reading!!)

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 12 (Bucky Barnes au)

“Send your dreams where nobody hides

Give your tears to the tide”

Rushing to the compound felt surreal. Sam was driving as fast as he could as you were already thinking of the most efficient way to deal  with the situation. You were a doctor in biology and chemistry. Healing was a piece of cake for you. This shouldn't be any different.

"What injury did he suffer?" you asked, hiding the panic in your voice and leaving a crack in the car window to get some fresh air.

"Stab wound. It's pretty bad."

You scratched your forehead, doing your best not to give any thought to the pain Bucky was most likely going through.

"He was injected with the same serum as Steve, meaning he has the same healing process as him. One simple stab wound shouldn't be 'bad', so it has to be more than that."

Sam's grip on the stirring wheel tightened. He kept looking straight away, but he squeezed your hand once.

"Steve was freaked out. He might've overestimated the damage."

"Or underestimated. They might be super soldiers, Sam, but that doesn't make them invincible."

"I know."

"Sorry. I shouldn't be so dry. I'm just thinking. If..."

"We're almost there," he said, cutting you off. "I know the way you work, and I'm convinced you'll know what to do as soon as you see him."

The wind in your hair wasn't enough to calm you down and Sam had barely stopped the car when  you opened the door and ran to the compound. You were moving so fast your throat and lungs were burning, as you were not used to such physical exercises. You'd never been shaped for the field, nor had you ever wanted to be. You barged in the lab and put your hair up in a ponytail to keep it away from your face. Bucky was lying on a metal table :  you noticed he was pressing the side of his abdomen. Blood had stained his tight grey shirt. The blood on his face and shoulders, however, you concluded came from Steve carrying him. His eyes were open : good. After putting on sterilised gloves, you grabbed a pair of scissors and cut through his shirt. You hadn't even noticed Steve and Bruce's presence.

"Go, both of you," you told them as you assessed the wound, ignoring how Bucky's mouth was twisted with pain. "I've got this."

Bruce didn't need to be told twice : he trusted your skills with his life. It might have been Steve's case as well, but leaving his friend's side seemed harder for him to do.

"Steve, go. I won't be able to focus."

Your stern voice was what finally made him leave the room, closing the doors behind him. Bucky, still lying down, grabbed your wrist, staining the white gloves with red.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he asked.

"Nothing I can't fix," you assured him. You'd switched to working mode as soon as you'd seen him, but totally getting rid of your emotions wasn't the easiest thing to do.

"Your voice is shaking," he noted. "I.." – He let out a small grunt. – "Are you sure you're okay?"

You let out a sarcastic and nervous scoff. "Yeah, my voice is shaky but my hands are not. I'm the one who should ask if you're okay. Now shut up, unless I ask you something."

You didn't pay attention to his furrowed brows or confused look. The only thing you were looking for, while applying pressure to his wounds, was any particular sign of pain. He wasn't hiding it, unlike some of your teammates (Natasha came to your mind).

"It's deep," you explained. "Can you press this cloth for a second?"

He nodded and immediately got to it, allowing you to grab a scanner to see if any vital organs or blood canals had been severed. Locating the most damaged canal took you two seconds. You had no time for an anaesthesia ; you didn't have much doubt about Bucky's ability to bear pain. You used clamps to keep the wound open.

"This might itch," you said as you grabbed the electrocautery and applied it to the bleeding canal. You knew his face was contorted with pain, but you couldn't let your soft side win in those situations. Seeing people in pain was the hardest part of your job.

The rest of the surgery went on in silence, aside from Bucky's occasional grunt or sigh. Once you were done stitching the wound, you helped him sit up and bandaged the area. You wiped the sweat on your forehead with a towel, moving wet streaks of hair out of the way. Caring for this spectacular stab wound had taken around two hours, so you allowed yourself to drink some water before handing Bucky the bottle and tending to his other scratches. He probably didn't need this kind of medical assistance, but leaving him scathed was out of the picture.

"You need to hydrate yourself."

He took a long sip as you cleaned the multiple scratches he had on his right harm. His shoulder had taken the most of it, leading you to think he'd fallen from a higher place.

"What happened?" you finally asked. "I thought this was supposed to be an easy mission."

Now that you didn't need to focus as much and that the overall fear for Bucky's safety had passed, tears were threatening to come to your eyes.

"It was. Doesn't mean those guys weren't jerks."

"Bucky," – you carefully captured his chin between your fingers to make him look at you – "what happened?"

"Natasha got in harm's way. I knew she couldn't take it as good as me. It was the smart play."

"No, it was the bold, reckless way," you retorted. "You have no idea what Steve's call put me through. I thought..."

"Hey, I'm okay. Thanks to you," he whispered as he stroked your cheek. "I couldn't let them hurt someone who might've died. I knew I'd come out of this, that's why I did it."

You lowered your gaze and your eyes lingered on the numerous scars his naked torso displayed. You traced some of them with your fingers : on his collarbone, on his abdominal muscles, on his shoulders, and so on. You could tell there was a story behind each of these, and you assumed they were stories he would rather not talk about.

"I'm sorry you had to see those," he said. It was barely a whisper, so low you weren't sure you'd heard it right. "They're from my time with H.Y.D.R.A."

"Don't be sorry. Remember what you asked me about your arm?" – He nodded. – "This is no different. It's you, and that's all I care about."

You ran a hand through his hair : it'd been hardened by dried blood in some places. You closed your eyes and laid a kiss on his forehead before going to one of the cupboards to get him a lab coat. A warm sensation made its way to your stomach as you realised how easy it was being with him, how natural it seemed, how meant-to-be it felt, how...

"Wear this," you told him. "We need to do something about all this blood."

As if they'd been expecting you to come out, Steve, Nat and Sam jumped to their feet when you  opened the door. Bucky tried getting up on his own as well, but you grabbed his arm just as fast.

"You might be healing fast, Sergeant Barnes, but I'm not keeping you out of my sight just yet," you joked lightly.

Bucky was holding the coat closed over his chest, his other hand squeezing your back in gratitude.

"How are you, Buck?" Steve asked.

"Good, don't worry. 'T was just a scratch."

You gave him a grave look. "It was not a simple scratch," you corrected, "but he's fine. All I ask is that you rest for today. That should be enough, with your metabolism."

"Go rest, now, or you won't hear the end of it with this one," Sam said, gesturing in your direction.

"He's right," Natasha joined in. "She's secretly quite bossy."

You smiled to her. "I have to be! None of you listen to medical advice, so I have to be assertive. It's for your own good."

"And we love you for it," Steve added with a grin. "Now go put this guy to bed."

Bucky couldn't help but chuckle lightly, making him reach for his healing wound. It was obviously still hurting a little. You finally left the others and took him to your bathroom. Your bathtub was lower than the floor, which allowed you to sit on the edge as Bucky got in, after taking off his clothes, staying in his underwear. None of you spoke a word as you washed his hair and rubbed the remaining blood off of his skin. You ended up plunging your legs in the tub and let Bucky rest his head on your knees as you ran your fingers through his hair, silence embracing you both.

"Are you still hurting?" you asked.

"Only a little." He seized one of your hands and kissed your fingers. "Thank you," he added.

"Don't thank me, I'm doing what I vowed to do."

A smile made its way to Bucky's face as he sat up and turned around. "Do you wash every single of your patients' hair?"

You shook your head. "No. That's the unexpected, coffee-spilling, caring soulmate package."

He looked hesitant for the smallest second before extending his arms, waiting for a hug.

"You're soaked," were the only  words to come out of your mouth.

"Do you care? Your pants are already in the water, so..."

"Might as well," you said, finishing his sentence. You leaned on the bathtub's edge as your knees hit the bottom. Resting on your arms, you were only a few inches away from Bucky's face. You pressed your lips against his and closed your eyes, wondering what allowed it to feel so good. You didn't give a damn about your clothes anymore and they were bloody anyway, so you broke the kiss and laid in Bucky's arms, resting your head on his chest and your legs entangling. You'd made sure the water was warm enough and it still hadn't cooled off, thankfully.

"We probably shouldn't stay in here," you admitted. "We might just fall asleep and drown."

"Now that would be a shame," he agreed. "Just a few more minutes then. Please?"

You tilted your head up to look him in the eyes and smirked.

"I'll give you all the minutes you want, Buck."

--- Damn, I sure loved writing this part. I hope you liked it too! Part 13 will be the last one. :)

Tag list : @ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02 @bluemoon-icecream @writehistorynotthegrocerylist @lady-loki-ren @simplybombshell @lizajane3 @livingonkpop @kaitieskidmore1

[iceslushii]

So, I'm writing this to document what I can only assume is my sudden descent into insanity. I can't possibly be THAT bad a navigator, and yet as I write this I've been trapped in Ikea for 2 days. I haven't seen another person in the entire time I've been here. I thought it was a prank at first. Turn the place into a maze, get all the people out and see how long it takes me to get lost, then everyone has a good old laugh. Realised that wasn't the case when I tried to backtrack. Everything had changed, so I ended up lost. Instead of the exit, it was just row after row of bookcases.

So, I'm trapped in Ikea. Sounds like the setup for a bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, that loud electrical THUNK sound and then pitch blackness. Place is full of beds though and my phone has a torch on it - but no damn signal - so I found a bed and went to sleep. Spent most of the next day trying to find my way out with no luck. Did find a restaurant serving those meatballs though, so at least I won't starve. That's probably the punchline to that joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, but I haven't seen anyone around who could have cooked them. Made my way back to the beds before the lights cut out again since it's too dark to search with them off.

It's 9.10am now, the lights came back on a little while ago. I'm sure I've searched the entire area around where I came in now and the exit obviously isn't here, so I'm going to pick a direction and hope for the best.

Day 3 of my magical Ikea mystery adventure. If I wasn't sure that there was something seriously weird about this place before, I am now. Walked for 3 hours in a more or less straight line (insert Ikea joke here) before I came across a ladder next to one of those huge stock shelves they have here. Climbed up to get my bearings, and it looks like this place just stretches on forever. Like that scene from the Lion King, except instead of trees and grass it was all shelves and tables and crap. I did see a person moving not too far away though, so I headed over.

Thought it was a staff member at first - it was wearing the uniform. And hell maybe it was, maybe freakish 7ft tall monsters with long arms, short legs and no faces are just the kinds of thing they want working at Super Ikea. Damn thing completely ignored me though, and with no eyes or ears I can't even be sure it knew I was there. Thought about shoving it or something to get its attention, but its hands were big enough to crush a water melon so I decided against it. It just kept moving along and eventually I lost sight of it so I decided to carry on the way I was going.

Anyway, no comfy bed for me tonight. Looks like I've entered the Improbably Hard and Pointy Table section of the store. Guess I'll have to make do with some bunched up tablecloths. Phone battery died during the day too. Didn't work anyway, but I feel like I've just lost some vital lifeline.

You ever see one of those cartoons where they're going through doors in a hallway and they just pop out of another door in the same hallway? That's how I feel right now. I've seen nothing but the same identical bookshelf for 2 days now. Just row after row after row of them. I mean, come on. I love books as much as the next guy, but this is excessive. I'm obviously still moving forwards though, I can see the signs hanging overhead passing by. Too bad none of them say "Exit".

Not sure who I was addressing that question to. Lets just say it was practice for the autobiography I'm going to write when I get out of here. I'll call it "My perfectly normal trip to a regular old Ikea".

If I ever get out o

Finally found some other people! Yeah, turns out I'm not the only poor bastard trapped in here. Lucky for me, I guess. My 6th night here, 2 of those staff things came at me in the dark. Different from the first one I saw, but still messed up. Heard them coming, they were saying that the store was closed and I had to leave the building, all nice and polite like. I'm not sure which part of that was weirder, that they don't have mouths or that they were apparently trying to kill me while they were saying it. Came at me like rabid dogs.

So, I legged it. Sprinting through ikea in the dark like a fucking madman. I saw it when I cleared another stand of those giant stock shelves, all lit up with torches and floodlights. They've built a whole town in here! Got a massive wall built out of shelves and beds and tables and whatever else. I swear to god it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Anyway I guess they saw me coming (or maybe they heard my girlish manly bellows of fear), because they had a gate open and 2 people were there waving me in. Heard the staff things slam into the gate behind me after it closed, still politely informing us all that the store was now closed. They wandered off eventually though.

They call the town Exchange, because that's whats on the sign hanging from the ceiling directly above it. Exchange and Returns. All lit up against the night using lights they've found and plugged into the power lines. And there are beds and food and people. Over 50 wonderful people with regular sized limbs and a full set of facial features. It's now my 7th night here, and the first one not spent in darkness. A full week living in Ikea. There's probably a TV show in that somewhere.

Now that I'm around other people, I'm starting to feel more normal. Maybe normal isn't the word. But after a week with only the sound of my own footsteps for company, I was becoming increasingly sure that I'd just gone nuts. That I was tied up in some padded room somewhere, banging my head against the wall. But no, I feel quite sane now, thank you very much!

Apparently there are other towns out there. Some with more people, some with less. I found that fairly mind-boggling - how can that many people go missing with no one noticing. Surely someone would have noticed that everyone who goes to ikea seems to fucking vanish. Or maybe it's not everyone. Maybe we're just the lucky ones.

The people here just call those staff monster things the Staff. Apparently they are fine during the day, minding their own business walking the aisles. As soon as those lights go out though, they go fucking bonkers. So during the day people go out to find food, water and whatever else they need. Apparently there are restaurants and shops around that randomly get restocked. No one knows how. Maybe the staff do it. Apparently they aren't very good at their jobs though because the restocking sometimes takes a while, which means the food needs to be rationed. Maybe if they weren't so busy chasing people around in the dark they'd get more done.

Anyway when night comes the staff go nuts and everyone holds up inside the walls. Apparently it's the same everywhere in this place, whatever this place is. The Ur-Ikea, from whence all other Ikeas sprang. Or maybe we're all still just in the regular ikea and this is all some fever dream brought on by mind-numbing boredom. Who knows.

Been here for 10 days now. Most of the people I asked said they stopped keeping track a long time ago and one guy, Chris, said he'd been in here for years.

Years.

[ILLEGIBLE SCRIBBLES]

Apparently there are rumours of people who do manage to get out. And of people who see the exit, only to have it vanish before their very eyes. I get the feeling not everyone believes that, but I do. Explains how we got stuck in here in the first place (sort of). And I mean, come on. Staff monsters, row after endless row of high quality Swedish furniture. I don't know why they would find a disappearing door so hard to believe in.

Anyway, I went out scavenging for food at a nearby shop with Sandra and Jerry today. Once you learn the landmarks of this place it's not so hard to navigate. The overhead signs help a lot, but there are others; not too far in the distance a huge section of those giant stock shelves has collapsed against each other and way off in the east (we all assume it's east anyway - apparently Ikea doesn't sell compasses) is some kind of tower that looks like its made of wood, reaches all the way to the ceiling. Maybe they were trying to break out through the roof. Lights up at night so there must be people there, but its apparently a few days walk (which means it must be miles away) so no one here really knows for sure. Apparently I got incredibly lucky sleeping out in the open for a week without getting ripped to bits by the staff. That's me. Lucky lucky lucky.

We found some food in the shop. Guess the staff restocked it during the night, which was nice of them. There was a telephone on the wall, so I figured I'd try it out. There was a voice on the other end, but they were just talking nonsense. Random words strung together with no real meaning. You ever see a video of someone with aphasia? Kind of sounded like that. Didn't answer me when I spoke to them anyway. Sandra says all the phones in here are the same.

Oops, asking the journal questions again!

I was thinking last night. The ceiling on this place is pretty high and as far as anyone can tell it goes on forever. Shouldn't there be some kind of weather in here? I'm sure I read about some NASA building that was so big it had its own weather patterns, with clouds and stuff. This place is definitely bigger than that, but now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I've never felt so much as a temperature change in here.

I'll add it to the Grand List of Weird Bullshit.

The staff attacked the Exchange last night. Must have been 20 or 30 of them all just asking us to leave the store calm as you like, while trying to smash the walls down with their bare hands. Apparently this happens pretty regularly, so everyone is prepared for it. Knives from the restaurants, lawn mower blades made into hatchets, a fire axe. One guy, Wasim, even made a functional crossbow. Anyway the walls have holes in them, which I hadn't noticed before, specifically so we can stab out at the staff when they attack. Took a couple of them down myself. They don't seem to bleed, which is weird, but they go down as easy as a regular person once you start sticking holes in them.

We had to haul the bodies away in the morning. Apparently the dead ones will attract more during the night, so we had to get them away from Exchange. We have a couple of those trolley things they use to move big boxes around, so we loaded them up and took them over to Pickup. Apparently people just name everything in here after whatever sign is hanging overhead.

Pickup was grisly. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of dead staff all piled up. There was no smell, which was a blessing. Apparently in addition to not bleeding, these things don't rot either. My curiosity got the better of me while we were unloading them, so I took a look at one of the more cut-up ones. They're just skin, or something that looks like skin, all the way through. No muscle, no bone, no organs. Are they even really alive in the first place? They certainly seem like they have bones when they are moving around, pounding on the walls. And I'm sure I felt more resistance than just skin when the knife went in during the night. Maybe something happens to them when they die. Just one more thing on the ever-increasing list of Weird Shit that goes on in here, I guess.

Something occurred to me, after the staff attack the other night. Every time you see a situation like this on TV or in a film, like its the end of the world or everyone is trapped on an island or whatever, once groups like ours start to form people always seem to turn on each other. Fighting for food or dominance or whatever else. That hasn't happened here. Apparently people from other towns come by from time to time, just to check in or occasionally to trade if they are short on something. But everything is always cordial. Friendly, even. Maybe its the threat of the staff, or perhaps the constant restocking of supplies in the shops means there's nothing much to fight over.

Maybe people are just better than they are generally given credit for. That's a nice thought. I think I'll go with that one.

A dozen people showed up at the gates this afternoon from a town called Trolleys. Apparently the staff broke through the walls and tore the town apart during the night. These 12 are the only survivors out of over a hundred. We let them in, obviously. One more point in the human decency column. Later, I asked if anyone knew how many of these towns there were out there. Between us and the new folks, we managed to come up with over 20 names. 20 towns filled with people, and who knows how many beyond that.

The motto for this place should be "How Is That Even Possible". Surely someone, somewhere must be looking for the thousands of people that must be in here.

I've been here for a little over 2 months now. Not that much changes, as it turns out. A couple of new people showed up, same story as the rest of us. Nice little trip to Ikea and suddenly they're trapped in Billy Bookcase's House of Faceless Weirdos. The staff attack the Exchange once or twice a week. We kill them and haul their bodies off, sometimes they hurt some of us first. They killed a guy called Jared a couple of weeks back. It was awful, frankly. Turns out regular humans still bleed in here, even if the staff don't. We tried our best, but none of us are doctors.

Jared was a good guy. He deserved better. We all do.

It occurred to me a couple of days after that, none of us were really looking for a way out of here. I don't even know where we'd start.

One of those quad copter things with a camera attached buzzed passed Exchange today. I thought it meant that someone was finally looking for us, that help was on the way. Apparently it's not the first time this has happened, though. Same thing happened a few months ago, and everyone is still here.

No idea if it saw us, it didn't stop if it did. Just kept flying until we could no longer see it.

Note: Based on recovery time of the journal, this entry appears to line up approximately with our first successful test piloting a drone inside SCP-3008-1. Analysis of footage shows a walled settlement under a sign labelled "Exchange and Returns". Attempts to relocate the settlement failed. Origin of previously sighted drones is unknown.

I started talking to people about the stuff they miss from home during dinner today. Probably not the best idea I've ever had, everyone seemed pretty down after. A bunch of people here have families. Husbands and wives, kids. Dogs. Franklin apparently has a pet llama, though I'm not sure I buy that.

But apparently some of the people here have some seriously odd gaps in their knowledge. 3 of them had never heard of the International Space Station, 2 of them seemed to think █████ ███████ was the Prime Minister, and one of them had apparently never heard of the Statue of Liberty. I believe them, too. They seemed just as confused as the rest of us.

The more I thought about it though, the more it started to explain a few things. What if the reason no one is looking for all us missing people is because we haven't all come from the same place. This is going to sound weird (maybe that should be the motto for this place) but what if all the people here have come from different dimensions? Realities? Whatever you call it. I've seen enough TV shows to know the drill. Sarah comes from a place where there is no Statue of Liberty. They didn't launch a space station where Wasim is from. If everyone here came from different places, even from ones that seem identical, there'd be no huge missing persons panic. No mass search. We'd just be a blip, a single missing person in a world of non-stop news.

Well. That was a fun train of thought.

Just realised that yesterday was the six month anniversary of my arrival here. I wonder if Ikea sells party hats. The routine around here has remained more or less the same. More new folk show up, one every couple of weeks or so. Food supplies go up and down, but we've never actually had a major shortage. Occasionally we get a visitor from one of the nearby towns, usually Checkouts or Aisle 630. We check in with each other from time to time, occasionally trade supplies if someone gets particularly low on something. It's comforting, in a way. A reminder that we aren't alone in here, some small glimmer of civilisation. Sometimes they bring medical supplies. Apparently there's a pharmacy a few towns down from Checkouts that gets restocked every now and then, so they share out what they can. I've never heard of an Ikea with a pharmacy before but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone stumbled on an Ikea Organ Harvesting Lab. Would certainly explain the staff.

Speaking of our faceless jailers, their attacks have been getting worse lately. 3 or 4 times a week now, with twice as many staff as there used to be. No idea where they all come from, or why the attacks have increased. We tried following one of them during the day a few weeks ago, me and Sarah. Wanted to see if they lead back to a staff room or something. Didn't seem to go anywhere though, just randomly walked through the aisles. We had to turn back before we found anything.

We've been reinforcing the walls, trying to arm ourselves better. Certainly no lack of materials to use. Wasim has been making more crossbows, but it's pretty slow going.

Too bad Ikea doesn't sell guns.

Note: No new personnel have entered SCP-3008 at Site-██ in the time span indicated in this entry.

The attacks are getting bad now. Almost every night, and with so many staff that the bodies almost pile high enough for others to climb the walls. I think we're in real trouble here.

Exchange is

I think Exchange is done. We got hit pretty bad last night. Not many casualties, but the wall is wrecked. We finally figured out why the attacks had been escalating, too. A box of supplies had a chunk of one of the staff in there. No idea how it happened but apparently a piece of one will draw them as well as a full body. Too late now in any case, there's too many bodies for us to haul away and still have time to fix the wall before night. Candace has called a meeting. I suspect there will be talk of abandoning Exchange, maybe try and get shelter at Checkouts or something.

It's already getting late though. I don't think we'll have time to make it. Maybe some of us will. I was fine for that first week out in the dark, after all. But then, how often can I keep getting lucky.

I'm only writing this for a sense of closure, I guess. For me, or for anyone who finds this. If this is the final entry here, I hope whoever is reading this is doing so from outside of this place.

My biggest fear? If I do die tonight, I'll just wake up here again in the morning.

Note: This is the last entry. It is assumed that while attempting to reach the "Checkouts" settlement he was separated from the rest of his group by a pursuing SCP-3008-2 instance and happened upon the exit.

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye

[yhs-silly]

Kneel

They were on their way home from school, Sam and Taurtis were just messing around and swinging off the lampposts, the usual. Grian seemed a little grumpier then usual, maybe he'd gotten a low grade on his test, he wouldn't say. But he was adamant that they had to get home as soon as possible, so when Sam and Taurtis started doing their checking both ways gag he was ready to snap.

He groaned and pushed them aside. "You guys are idiots! There are never any cars on this road!" He rolled his eyes and stormed into the middle of the road and stood there with his arms out, glaring at the duo. "See! There's nothing here! I'm perfectly sa-afe..."

He trailed off at the sound of a car horn, turning to face the speeding car, his face falling in horror.

Sam's hands tightened around Taurtis's arms, Taurtis hadn't even realised he'd moved to rush into the road. He just went still and just stared, with wide, tear filled eyes as the car came closer and closer.

Grian was right, there were never any cars on the road. It was very rare that a car came down the road, and if it did, it was usually at night- and always speeding. That was the unwritten rule; speed past the school zone, with luck you might hit one nof the crazy kids. The other towns around were never fond of the academi students, not used to such diversity, neurologically or otherwise.

Ironically, it was most likely the least mad of the students being hit, all the others looking on, glad it wasn't them. The acidemi students were never known for their empathy, only a few students really cared for the Brit. Those that did care already had tears welling in their eyes at the sound of flesh against metal and the grinding of the breaks as the car came to a halt.

The guy driving the car didn't even get out, he just sat there in a state of shock as Taurtis and Sam raced over to Grians side. Taurtis had tears spilling freely down his cheeks and even Sam was panicking, Sam gently lifted Grian off of the floor and checked his vitals. He was still alive, but struggling.

Okami had seen the whole thing go down and had called and ambulance as soon as she'd heard the car, it didn't take long for it to turn him. Sam threatened the emergency response team to let him and Taurtis ride with Grian in the back.

They were so worried, Taurtis had begun sobbing uncontrollably, this was just like before, just like with...

Salex.

Why did everyone he love have to die? Why was it always a car? He pauses, did he love Grian? As a friend of course, he's one of his best friends... he's still hung up on Salex...he hoped and prayed beyond his belief that Grian would not follow her. He couldn't loose someone else so close to him, he wouldn't know what to do.

Sam wasn't as affected but he was still terrified of loosing Grian, he'd never really dealt with a death close to him since his mother passed. He watched as Taurtis fell to his knees, sobbing. He felt so awful, if it wasn't for his and taurtis's insisting that the road wasn't safe, then Grian would be safe. For once Sam didn't feel pleased with being proved right, he wished he was wrong. For once he wished it had been Grian who was right, he could just see Grian's triumphant smirk, the sparkle in his eyes at the idea of being right.

Sam had noticed how much Grian reacted to a little bit of positive reinforcement, he'd used it to get his way before, but now all he wanted to do was tell Grian just how highly Sam valued him. Grian deserved to glow like he always did when praised, Sam was just scared he'd never get the chance.

After a while Grian got better, he still hasn't spoken but the doctors had said he was free to leave. One their way home, Sam and Taurtis had done nothing but pamper and adore him. It was the least they could do for him, but something was off with Grian, his behaviour wasn't normal.

Taurtis was worried about him, he hadn't said a word to either of them since he'd gotten out of the hospital. Sam wasn't as worried, but it was clear he was concerned by how little he'd been mocking Grian lately. But neither of them seemed to be getting through to him.

He's been taking naps lately, it was almost all he did. He never did any of his work and Okami was on the brink of pulling him aside for a quiet word. Everyone was growing increasingly worried about him, they figured he had gained some sort of brain damage.

This all culminated in that one night, Taurtis had stayed up late gaming. Sam was asleep and Grian was probably also sleeping, or so Taurtis thought. He'd turned his head at the sound of footsteps to see Grian standing there, clutching the mop like a staff. He glared intently at Taurtis, a strange fire behind his eyes that made Taurtis shudder.

"Taurtis." Grian's voice was rougher, darker then his usually was. Even his posture seemed heavier, he held himself in a higher sense of pride and power then the anxious, drawn back Grian that Taurtis knew and loved. "Remove yourself from the magic mirror, I require your counsel."

Taurtis was slightly confused, but he'd played enough fantasy games to understand what Grian meant. He switched the tv and game crab off, concerned as to how Grian seemed.to have forgotten what a tv was. He shifted to the side and patted the sofa next to him, with a gentle smile. "Ok Grian, what do you need buddy." He was really happy that Grian was finally speaking again, although those subtle changes did worry him.

Grian didn't sit down however, he continued to stand and just stare at Taurtis expectantly. "Well?" He began to tap his foot. "Stand."

Taurtis was surprised but did so without thinking, watching in confusion as Grian nodded in approval and moved to take his seat. Grians posture while sitting was also more confident Taurtis noticed, how hadn't he noticed before? He goes to sit down but Grian raises his hand to stop him.

"No, kneel." Grian spoke with a command, more adept at control then Sam. But Taurtis wasn't just going to obey, he just frowned at Grian in concern. Then his eyes widened at Grian put the mop to his shoulder and forced him down, Taurtis would've been impressed by Grian's control on the mop if he wasn't currently being forced onto his knees. He stares up at Grian in concern as the blonde nods in approval.

"Grian..? What the hell..?"

Grian raised his eyebrows a little at that, smiling gentle. "Oh? Is something the matter Taurtis? I must admit, I am also a little thrown off by our predicament but it is alright, you have your king to guide you."

Taurtis frowned deeply, king? Grian wasn't a king? He now had concerns about Grian's sanity, he had to play this carefully. He just quietly nods, smiling up at him gently. "No, nothings the matter Grian. You said you wanted to talk about something?"

Grian smiled back and nodded. "Ah yes, it was actually about this predicament... I'm unsure as to what happened but these clothes aren't mine? And I've never seen such powerful magic then there is here, it rivals even the likes of me... that's another thing. I've found myself unable to perform spells recently, I attempted to harness the power of this strange looking staff but it doesn't seem to like me."

Taurtis just nodded. "Alright...well what do you want to do?"

"I wish to return home, is that not obvious?" Grian scoffed. "My kingdom needs their king."

Taurtis nods and slowly and cautiously gets to his feet. "Okay...so I think the best thing to do right now is go back to bed and figure out what to do in the morning."

Grian nods and stands. "That does seem like the ideal plan, I trust you to gaurd my chambers?"

Taurtis just nodded in response, watching Grian head back upstairs. His knees where shaking, he sat on the sofa, feeling horrible.

Tears bunched in his eyes as he thought about how his poor sweet friend had completely lost his mind, Grian was supposed to be the responsible one! Now he seemed to believe he was some magical fantasy king... Poor guy was always a nerd, Taurtis figured that he must've latched on to a favourite fantasy story as a coping mechanism after the accident.

He felt so bad for poor Grian, he didn't ask for this, the poor guy didn't even understand what was going on. He felt the hot tears run down his face and looked down at his shaking hands, he realised that he had to tell Sam, he had to.

He slowly got to his feet and crept upstairs silently, knocking gently on Sam's door. "Sam? Sam wake up."

Sam eventually came to the door, looking sleepy. "Taurtis..? What's wrong?" He was surprised to see how worried Taurtis looked, he instantly also began to get worried.

"It's Grian." Taurtis spoke quietly, as if he was afraid of disturbing said blonde. He speaks slowly and carefully. "He's gone mad...he thinks he's some sort of wizard king..." He sniffles and wipes some tears away. "I'm just so worried about him..."

Sam felt his heart pang, he didn't know this feeling, it was almost guilt, almost responsibility, but it was neither- and it certainly wasn't pity, Sam knew what it was like to be the mad one. Only thing is, Sam was never really mad, just not normal. He nodded slowly, brain working harder then it ever did before at this time of night, heart hammering in his chest just like that day. "Alright...so what do we do?"

They made eye contact, the best thing to do would be to call the authorities, tell a teacher, get him to the hospital, to do something. But they both knew they couldn't do that, they didn't have the heart. Taurtis slowly began to speak. "Well...his delusions aren't tha-"

Sam put his hand up to stop him. "No, we can't go along with his delusions, that wouldn't be fair on him." He sighs and hums in thought "Is there really anything we can do..? I think he might be fucked."

"Don't say that!" Taurtis squeaked, quickly lowering his volume quickly. "We have to do something, we can't just leave him to his delusions." He was getting choked up again, Grian might not have died, but Taurtis still felt that he'd lost him.

They barely slept that night, simply discussing what they could do. They didn't really come up with anything that hadn't been said before, but eventually they decided they'd treat his delusions like how a parent treats a child's fantasies, playing along to a certain point.

And so they did, they managed this for around a week, but unfortunately people began to notice that Grian was behaving strangely. Eventually, Okami pulled the trio aside to talk to them.

Sam was glancing around and making sure there were exits, Taurtis was wringing his hands and glancing at Grian every five seconds. Grian himself had his arms crossed and was glaring daggers at Okami for being so rude.

Okami sighed softly and smiles at the boys. "Now, I'm sure you know what's going on. But none of us do, so could you please explain why Grian is behaving like that."

Grian scoffed and begun to speak, before Taurtis gently shut him down and spoke instead. "We're sorry Sensei, he's just a little banged up from the accident still..." He shrugs and smiles awkwardly.

Sam glances at him nervously, Okami frowns and then Grian speaks up. "What accident? I am not 'banged' up? Taurtis what are you talking about?"

There are gasps from both boys as Taurtis glances at grian nervously and Sam quietly hisses. "Grian, shh!"

Grian glares. "Don't you tell me to shh!" He stomps up to Sam and gets real close, getting up on his tippy toes trying to look intimidating.

Okami sighs and looked concerned. "Grian, sweetie, what do you mean 'what incident?'? Do you not remember what happened?"

Grian looked at her in confusion, his face a mixture of confusion and annoyance. He goes to speak when Taurtis steps in and clears his throat.

"Sensei? We're so sorry for trying to hide this...but he's gone mad."

"I am not mad! How dare you!"

Okami pauses and looks at Grian, seemingly looking for something, but whatever she was looking for, she didn't find it. She sighed and gently put her hand on Grian's shoulder. "Grian, sweetie? Can you calm down for me? Try and explain what you think is going on."

Grian began to speak, about a magical kingdom he rules over and how Sam and Taurtis were loyal to him. Okami turned to the boys and mouthed at them to go and fetch Rowan.

Taurtis's heart was hammering in his chest, that was so impulsive of him, but at least Grian was going to get the help he needs. He looks at Sam, seeing the obvious pain his friend was trying to hide, he sighed. He never expected to have to be the normal one, it was too much pressure for him. But if that was what it took to keep his best friends safe and happy, then that's what he would be.

It was Taurtis who explained the situation to Rowan.

It was Taurtis who comforted Sam as Grian was taken away.

It was Taurtis who knelt besides the bed that night, and for the first time in all his life.

Taurtis prayed.

[bodyswapmischief]

The Runaway

(Spring Break Pirates 11 of 14)

Yeah it's me ... It's Thomas. Now, tell me who you are before I open, the damn door.

See, Simon, now was that so hard. I'm going to open it, but keep your hands were I can see them; you've been spending too much time with Mr. Black. I need to make sure I can trust you.

Hey, what the fuck, Simon. What ... how ... you ... you look like ... you. You look like .... like your old self. How did you do this? What happened? Did you find a way to reverse this? ... Oh my god!!! Simon your eyes. They're pitch black. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Your saying Mr. Black did this to you. He gifted you with a seed of his powers. Now, your soul is being corrupted, with dark narcotic energy. But, you still have a piece of your humanity.and, with it you want to help get us of the boat.

This is fuckin great. I guess he didn't take into calculation how much you hate his guts. Now, that you have his power ... you can give us our bodies back.

What!? ... why won't you. Our bodies have been burned to ash. But, how did you get yours back. What the fuck!? Leonardo's soul was sacrificed to bring your body back. What the fuck!! So, we really are stuck like this. We're fucking stuck like this. I mean there's gotta be a way. You gotta be able to do something? I can't stay like this!

You can do something but, you won't. You won't sacrifice good innocent lives to do your spells. You want to hold on to your humanity for as long as possible. Then take Mr. Black's soul, he's not a good person. And use his soul to restore our bodies.

What? He's just one soul and will only provide one body. Damn, it!! Well we don't have to stop with Mr. Black. There are other corrupt souls all over the world. You can use theirs to transform us back.

What! The fuck dude! You still won't. Why!? The spell ... the one to bring our bodies back ... it'll corrupt our souls. Like it's doing to you. I don't give a fuck, do it to me. Give me my body back.

What are you doing with that knife. Uh ... I can't ... br ... ea ...th. *Gasp* Okay ... *gasp* okay ... I'll listen to you. Don't kill me! Please, don't kill me.

If you won't give us our bodies back, then how are you going to help us. Your, going to kill Mr. Black and free us from the boat and his reach. Then, you'll start looking for a safer way to change us back.

So, what do you need from me. You need me to leave the boat. Mr. Black wants me dead. In order to gain his trust and get closer to him, you need to make it look like you killed me.

Okay ... I get it. You send me off. You do your business. Then you'll come find me. And, along with the other guys, we'll find a way to get back to our normal bodies. Smart plan, dude!

What's with the face? I got it almost right. You've been doing the calculations in your head? There's an additional enchantment on the boat? What does it do? What!? Those who leave the boat, without Mr. Blacks permission ... they disappear. What does that mean? Where do they go ... what do you mean you don't know. So, in order to save everyone else, you need to sacrifice me. It's either this or you killing me. So my two options are a confirmed death or the unknown.

Okay, I'll do it. I don't really have a choice. And, I'm the first mate. I need to do what's best for the crew and my captain. Let's get it done.

. . .

So, I just jump off the boat? Okay, well, guess this is it. It's been great knowing you and all the guys. just promise me you'll help the rest of the guys. Send them by best, when this is all over. And, hang in their. I know these powers must be hard to contain. But, you are a good guy, remember that. So ... here, I go .... *plop*

...

*Gasp* *cough* Shit!! This water it's so cold. I been underneath it for what felt like hours. Wait I. The distance ... land!?

...

A beach! People! Finally, I'm so close. I'm so, tired. I don't think I can make it. A boat, life guards!

...

Thanks guys. I don't know how I got that far out. Yeah, I guess I got caught up in a strong current. Wait ... what is that thing you guys are talking into. That's a pretty fancy walkie talkie. Wait ... what did you just say in your report? 7/21/19? What year are we in? 2019?

...

Shit, they ran vitals on me. And, I was fine. It's been a little less than a year, since I washed up close to the shore. I've was gone for about 30 years. 2019 would have been the year, I actually did turn 55. So, I guess time warped itself to make sense, with my aged body. I've settled up roots in this beach town. Being, a middle aged college drop out, with no papers to prove I'm a US citizen, it was hard. Luckily, I got hired at some hole-in-the-wall leather gay bar. Besides that, it's just been hard adjusting in general. So much has changed since the 80s. I've been trying to slowly introduce myself to new things. I just got one of those new fancy cellphone things. It's been helpful; on my down time, I've been researching what happened.

They looked for us. It's all in the papers. Our families looked for us. It was a big story. A group of college boys go missing at sea. But, every source leads to one conclusion, none of them were ever heard of again. I thought of seeing my family. But, I'm against it. It's not like I can explain the situation. They probably wouldn't even believe me, I am in a completely different body after all. And, it just been to long in general. My mom died a decade after I went missing. My siblings are older and I don't want to give my dad a heart attack.

Plus, I need to stay here. I know the guys are still out there. I need to be here for them. I need to keep looking for them. Or hope that they find me here, one of these days.

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 12

(Around Three am the lab came in to check take Usagi's blood and nurse Rose came in to switch out his fluid and give him more antibiotics, surprisingly Usagi stayed asleep the whole time, but Misaki woke up).

Misaki: (Groggily) Rose, I can't believe they have you working all these hours.

Rose: Yeah (She stood against the wall near the doorway). Well the other Nurse was supposed to be working but she's been fired, a new nurse will be taking over later today and then I have my date with Eri. (She smiled, even in the dark Misaki could tell she was blushing). Do you have any recommendations?

Misaki: Usagi and I always go to IMI.

Rose: Isn't that expensive?

Misaki: It is when Usagi rents out the entire balcony. (Chuckles).

Rose: Well Thanks, I'll look into it.

Misaki: Yeah, good luck.

Rose: (Exits)

Misaki: (Closes eyes and tries to go back to sleep).

Aikawa: Don't just burst in there they might still be asleep.

Takahiro: No, They said we could come back at six am and it's six am, I'm going in (Slams door open)

Misaki: (Shoots up) Takahiro, What the fuck are you doing?

Takahiro: They said we could be back at six am.

Misaki: Do you have to be so loud? (Glaces at Usagi who is still fast asleep). I need to take a shower. (gets up, Grabs kaki shorts, a black hoodie, and boxers out of his backpack and walks into the bathroom).

Takahiro: God, what's his problem? (Walks over to be and starts fixing it back into a sofa.)

Aikawa: (Leans against wall, crossing arms) You burst in here at six am, they were sound asleep, Miskai has a test today, and who knows how late they were up).

Takahiro: Ew, why were they up late? They can't have sex.

Aikawa: (Angry face) Takahiro, they can't have sex, and they were up late because Misaki was probably studying and doctors and nurses were in and out all night. You have to get on board with their relships at some point or else you're going to lose them both.

Takahiro: It's just (Sigha and sits on sofa) He's my baby brother, my little baby brother, I never thought of him dating, especially dating my best friend. It's just-

Aikawa: (Sits beside Takahiro) I know it's strange, but have you seen how they look at each other? (Smiles) They're in love, and incredibly happy.

Takahiro: I know, I've never seen either one of them so happy, ever. (Smiles) I need to be okay with this.

Aikawa: Yeah, you do, they aren't going to break up ever, and they've been through a lot, it's been hard for them.

Takahiro: I didn't know that.

Aikawa: Yeah, we'll they were always scared to tell you.

Takahiro: How long have you known?

Aikawa: Eh, I kinda just figured it out. They aren't that good at hiding it.

Misaki: (Walking out of the bathroom rubbing a towel on his head). Maybe if you didn't have a key.

Aikawa: There are locks on other doors for a reason, and i'm not only talking about at your house.

Misaki: Whatever. (Walks over to chair beside Usagi, who's starting to stir).

Usagi: (Eyes slowly open, he smiles at Misaki and reaches out for him). Good Morning Misaki.

Misaki:(Grabs hand) Hey Baby.

Usagi: Did you sleep well?

Misaki: (Shrugs) I slept okay, you were out all night, they came in here around three am to do labs and stuff.

Usagi: (Chuckles) I was tired

Misaki: Good, you need your rest.

Usagi: What time is your test?

Misaki: It's at ten, but the doctor is going to come in here around eight to talk to you, and I'll leave after that.

Usagi: (Nods) Okay. (Looks over at sofa). Hey guys

Takahiro, Aikawa: Hello.

Usagi: When did they get here?

Misaki: Right at six.

Usagi: Did they wake you?

Miskai: (Sheepish look)

Usagi: (Runs thumb over back of hand) I'm sorry.

Misaki: (Shrugs) It's okay, I didn't sleep well anyway. (Sighs and rolls shoulders back)

Usagi: Hey, what's wrong

Misaki: Just the timing of all this sucks.

Usagi: I know.

Misaki: And I'm kinda pissed at you, you could've died, you're lucky you're appendix didn't actually burst.

Usagi: I know.

(There's a knock at the door and Dr. Takahashi walks in)

Dr. Takahashi: Good Morning everyone. (He walks over to the sink, washes his hands and puts on a pair of gloves). Akihiko, I'm going to look at your incision. (He walks over to Usagi and gently checks his incision). Okay, looks to be healing up nicely, your vitals look good and we can take you off the antibiotics, and have you had any pain?

Usagi: Um, no not at all.

Dr. Takahashi: Okay, perfect. I think we can get you out of here today, but it might be later this evening, I assume your fiance will be able to take care of you?

Misaki: Uh, yeah of course. I mean I have a test today at ten, I'm off tomorrow, I have another test Thursday, and next week I don't have any classes, and next saturday I graduate.

Usagi: Oh, speaking of, I'm supposed to speak at his graduation next saturday, is that okay?

Dr. Takahashi: Yes, that should be fine, No sexual activities for two weeks, stick to your regular diet, if you don't have anymore questions we can work on getting you out of here.

Usagi: Uh, wait, no sexual activities for two weeks?

Misaki: (Scoffs) Usagi, It'll be okay.

Usagi: Yeah but-

Misaki: Babe, I don't want you to die, so you can wait two weeks.

Usagi: (Sighs) Yeah, Fine. Oh what about bathing?

Dr. Takahashi: You can do all that normally, Oh and no heavy lifting.

Usagi: So what am I supposed to do?

Aikawa: You can do your work.

Usagi: Please, I'm at least four months ahead.

Aikawa: Damn I forgot about that.

Dr. Takahashi: You can drive tomorrow and walk some.

Usagi: Fine.

Misaki: (Glaces At Phone) Shit, it's Nine-Fifteen, i'm going to be late. Usagi, I'm taking your car.

Usagi: That's fine, my keys-

Misaki: Are in the table, I know I saw them yesterday. (Stands up, still holding on to Usagi's hand).

Usagi: Good luck on your Test. (Grins, swings his and Misaki's arm).

Misaki: Thank you. (Tries to let go of Usagi's hand) Usagiii, I have to go, I can't be late.

Usagi: (Releases Misaki's hand), Okay go.

Misaki: (Walks over to the table, grabs Usagi's keys, leans down to kiss Usagi). I love you, I'll see you later.

Usagi: I love you too. (Walks out of Usagi's room).

Dr. Takahashi: Okay, I'm going to start working on your discharge papers, anything else you need to ask?

Usagi: I think I'm okay.

Dr. Takahashi: Alright. (Exits).

Rose: (Walks in grinning at Aikawa). Eri, good morning.

Aikawa: Oh, Rose hey. (Blushes)

Rose: How are you?

Aikawa: I'm good, Akihiko gets to go home today.

Rose: I heard, Congrats.

Usagi: Thank you.

Rose: Where's Misaki?

Usagi: School, he had a test.

Rose: And Isaka?

Aikawa: He had to take care of some stuff at work.

Rose: Okay, well I was Just checking in. Um Eri, I have a short break, want to go get a snack?

Aikawa: (Blushes) Uh, sure. (Stands up grinning at Rose, following her out of the room).

Takahiro:(Clears throat). Usagi-San, I think I need to apologize.

Usagi: For what?

Takahiro: How I've been acting, not supporting your relationship with Misaki.

Usagi: We'll Thanks, but I'm not the one you need to apologize to.

Takahiro: What do you mean, aren't you upset. (Stands up, walks over by Usagi's bed lingering around him).

Usagi: No, not really, Misaki has been hiding this from you for almost five years, and he's been really scared to tell you.

Takahiro: Aikawa said it's been hard for you guys. Or maybe Misaki? I know how hard it can be for him to express his feelings and open up, di- did his fear of telling me and losing you maybe have something to do with it?

Usagi: Look, I've never ever doubted Misaki's feelings for me, not once. Sometimes I felt insecure and maybe wished he would've told me he loved me more, but I always knew he did. We've told you, and now He's extremely open and more affectionate, it maybe started before we told you, but-

Takahiro: So, it's kinda my fault he wasn't always affectionate?

Usagi: Look, he was terrified of having to give up what we had, and so was I, sometimes I still am, we still have to come out to the world, I want to do that soon, and that scares me, I haven't told him that. But we were both scared of ruining the relationship with you.

Takahiro: You were?

Usagi: Yes, Of course.

Takahiro: (Sits down) Did you think I would make you break up?

Usagi: We didn't know what was going to happen, We just know, we never want to let each other go, I really Really love Misaki, He's the love the of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, He's my person Takahiro.

Takahiro: (Grins) I guess I didn't completely understand how you guys felt about each other.

Usagi: Well, now you do.

Takahiro: He's just my baby brother, I want to protect him, I guess he doesn't need me anymore.

Usagi: Come on he'll always need you.

Takahiro: Yeah, but now he has you, you've been protecting him for the past four years.

Usagi: Almost five, not that it matters but after he next saturday is our anniversary.

Takahiro: Wait, his graduation day?

Usagi: Yeah.

Takahiro: (Smiles) That's really sweet.

Usagi: (Smirks) I, can't believe we've been together five years, and the two of us are getting married, I'm so happy.

Takahiro: I've known you a long time and I don't think i've ever seen you this generally happy... Wait (scoffs, Shocked look) i'm and idot. This, aurora of happiness started when you met Misaki. How didn't I figure it out?

Usagi: (Shrugs) I have no idea.

Takahiro: And Misaki changed a lot when he met you.

Usagi: (Nods)

Takahiro: Look, just keep him happy.

Usagi: I will, I'm not going to hurt him, I love him so much.

Takahiro: Good. Now let's talk kids.

Usagi: ugh

(Rose and Aikawa are sitting in the vending room finishing up their snack).

Rose: I think they should be done now

Aikawa: Eh, what are you talking about?

Rose: (Takes last sip of her soda, tossing the can in the trash behind her). Takahiro and Akihiko.

Aikawa: We came up here so they could talk?

Rose: We'll mostly so I could hang out with you, But I figured they should talk.

Aikawa: I'm sure they did talk. And I'm happy to be up here with you.

Rose: (Smiles, reaches out for Aikawa's hand)

Aikawa: (Bluses) This is nice, um can we still go on a date tonight?

Rose: Yeah, of course and it actually looks like I might get off early.

Aikawa: Oh, awesome!

Rose: (laughs) I- I'll let you know, but we should head back down. (Stands)

Aikawa: Yeah. (Stands up)

Rose: (Takes Aikawa's hand and they head back down to Usagi's room).

Misaki: (Drums fingers on the steering wheel of Usagi's car, while wating for him to pick up, he just got his grade back for his German exam and he passed with flying colors, he felt really good about his German exam and the last test he had was psychology).

Usagi: Misaki? Are you okay?

Misaki: Great acctally. I got a 95 on my German exam, I feel extremely confident about my Psychology exam on Thursday!

Usagi: Wow Misaki! I'm so proud of you!

Misaki: (Chuckles) Thanks Usagi, I'm on my way back now do you need anything?

Usagi: Just you.

Misaki: (Blushes) Shut up!

Usagi: I can tell you're blushing.

Misaki: (Laughs) You know me so well Usagi.

Usagi: Yes I do, and I love you.

Misaki: I love you too, I'll see you soon.

Usagi: Can't wait.

[ask-ivory]

Chapter one: Welcome to Shade

Those hunk muffins earned it! I don't care what they thought. If they were so worried about their little dust company, then I would have sided with the Schnees.

"I'm done with dust." I told my stepfather, as we parted ways, "I want to be a huntress; a hero. And nothing is going to stop me!"

Those days were far behind me. Weeks of prepping and training were way in the past. I had passed the entrance exam, my real parents filled out the paperwork, my documents were handed in and I was on an airship bound for Shade Academy, in Vacuo.

My bags were packed the previous night (courtesy of my sand servents). I had barely slept last night, because questions like "what is Shade gonna be like?", "Who will be on my team?", "How many friends will I make?", And many more floated in my head. Now I was actually going there, flying at a hundred miles an hour towards my dream come true.

I wasn't the only one here on this airship. A hundred people, at least my age or older, were here on this airship with me. The Vacuo news was on the screen systems near the windows, (probably to keep the passengers from getting bored, because if so, things tend to get pretty ugly). The news was announcing the latest robberies from the technical laboratories in Vacuo. Normally the news doesn't really interest me, but now that I'm training, I'm beginning to wonder if a huntress fought more then just the Creatures of Grimm. If so, then I would also stop crime.

"Focus on the task at hand," I told myself, "Train and prepare to be a huntress first, fight evil Grimm and other junk like that later."

I gazed out the window, thinking about my brother Basin. He was already at the academy, starting on his third year. He told me about how great Shade Academy is, and sent me pictures of the school.

He also sent me pictures of his team, Team BLCK (Pronounced Black), and told me about each teammate. On his team, he had a pair of fox faunus twins, whose names were Larry and Kerry Steel (get it? Steal? Steel? I just got that). He also had a another guy named Cade Blackstone. All of them were the same age and followed in Basin's leadership (well, most of the time anyway).

He even snuck some pictures of his classes that he had attended in his first and second years (spoiler alert, he got into detention for that, but with a semblance like his, that rarely happened).

Anyway, before the day came to move here, I looked at the pictures over and over again, memorizing the school grounds, my brother's teammates (just in case they decided to kill me with pranks), and teachers' mad faces when they caught Basin taking illegal pictures in class (heh heh).

I thought about pulling my scroll out again to look at the pictures again, but then the news shut off on the screens and a holographic image of a woman appeared. She was tall with long black hair. Her bare arms were adorn with golden bracelets and she wore a sleeveless dress that faded with purple to blue at the waist, all the way down to green at the bottom. In her hair was a golden headset, decorated with peacock feathers. She had a pair of, what looked like fans, strapped to her golden belt. She had golden high heels that were so ridiculously high that she looked like she had ballerina slippers on. Her face was beautiful but in a harsh mother-knows-best-now-don't-cross-my-path-or-i-will-have-to-step-on-you, kind of way. She wore blue eyeshadow, which matched her eyes.

"Welcome back all returning students and greetings to our new first year students." Her voice sounded stern, like she had spent her free time yelling at bad puppies. "I am Professor Hera Peacock, your combat trainer for this year. You are all very privileged to be attending this excellent institution. The world of Remnant is moving at an incredible length of pace, maintaining it's peace and prosperity. As future hunters, your training here will be vital to your future career. I wish you the best of luck"(I don't think she meant this part)" and welcome again to Shade Academy." The hologram turned off after finishing the welcome speech.

I looked out the window to find that the airship was just yards away from the landing docks. I ran to get my bags, but I bumped into someone.

"Ow!" I exclaimed.

"Ohff!" My accident responded. We both fell backwards.

"Sorry." I apologized, getting up, "I'm soo-" then my voice left me speechless. The girl I bumped into stood up.

The girl wore a sleeveless dress that started at gold and faded to orange and ended with blue. The dress itself was short at the knees. Her hair matched her dress, but only matched to the fading orange part. She wore a black belt, with pouches for dust on the side, and a pair of golden swords, that appeared to be folded in half, were attached to the back. She wore dark blue shoes with star patterns on them. Her eyes were a light crystal blue. But her wings were the thing that unnerved me.

On her back was a blinding white pair of wings. She was definitely a faunus, but she was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. In the few months that I lived in Vacuo, I had seen faunus of all types and traits: everything from ram's horns to lizard's tails. I had only heard of faunus with wings from the stories my father told me, the tales of the Great War. One of the things he said was that after the Siege of Vacuo, the winged faunus who fought with Vacuo just left and never returned. I heard people say that the chances of a faunus born with wings were pretty rare.

But here I was. And here she was.

"You can stop starring now." the girl said. "Just please, don't make any jokes."

"Oh no!" I protested "I wasn't planning on making jokes about your wings. It's just, I've never seen anything like this before. Their beautiful."

The girl seemed to brighten up at this comment, "You really think so?"

"Of course! I heard that having wings is a really rare trait. I've never seen it in person before."

"Yeah..." the girl muttered "That's what everyone thinks. Their not exactly right though...."

"Wait. What?"

"Nothing." the girl held out her hand. "I'm Lyra by the way. Lyra Phoebus."

"And I'm Aliar Ivory." We shoke hands.

"Oh!" Lyra exclaimed,"you are a first year student, are you?"

"Of course." I responded. "I'm so excited to start the year. But..." I hesitated "I'm also kinda nervous too. Even though my brother told me what Shade Academy's like, I still don't know what to expect."

"Is your brother a huntsman?"

"No, he's a third year. His name is Basin Obsidian, and he's the leader of team BLCK." I pulled my scroll out of my purse. "I've got pictures of him and his team. And..." I added with a smile, "He managed to sneak some pictures of the classes we'll be attending. Wanna see?"

She was about to respond when the speakers overhead turned on, "Attention students, we are about to land. Please bring all personal belongings with you as you leave the airship. Another reminder to reclaim your baggage and suitcases before you enter the school. For returning students, please meet up with your team leaders and move your things to your assigned dorms. For first years, once you have retrieved your items, please drop them off at the Great Hall. All students will meet in the auditorium for the ordination speech in eighty minutes. Welcome to Shade Academy."

People started flocking towards the exit. I could feel the ship landing slowly under my feet.

"Come on!" Lyra grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards the door,"The pictures can wait. We're about to see the real thing!"

She dragged me out the door into the golden sun. The cool atmosphere of the airship turned to scorching desert heat in a heartbeat. Momentarily, I was binded by the shinning rays of the sun. When I adjusted to the light, I couldn't find the words to describe what I saw, or how I felt.

In front of me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. Shade Academy was a huge palace-like building, maby eighty years old, it was several stories high, surrounded by a tropical court yard. It looked really good which is saying alot because nowadays, it's hard to find beauty in Vacuo. Now I'm not saying that it was perfect, because it wasn't. Some of the sandstone benches were broken, and the marble memorial wall was well worn. Not to mention the entire courtyard had a decent layer of sand covering it, but this was Vacuo, so there wasn't much they could do about that, (but that kind of thing doesn't really bother me very much.) Despite all it's flaws, I loved it. It was even grander then Atlas.

"This place is great!" Lyra exclaimed.

"And packed." I added, "come on. Let's get our things."

One thing I learned the hard way about Vacuo: all sence of order and organization is tossed out the window.

There was no line or anything. Just a crowd of people trying to get to there things before any of it got stolen. We squeezed through the crowd and barely managed to get our stuff (not-so-cool fact: it took us at least twenty minutes, which is generous because it probably took longer.) The airship wasn't too tightly packed, but other airships were coming in, some had even more people than our airship. All of the luggage was delivered in a big package mess of chaos, so we had to shuffle through hundreds if not thousands of bags and hope we didn't grab the wrong luggage. It was so crowded that at one point, Lyra said that she needed air. So she climbed on a random guy's back while he was leaning over to grab a suitcase, and leaped into the air,(yes, dear readers, we somehow managed to stay together the whole time, though, I'm still not entirely sure how.)

Much later, we finally stumbled out of the crowd. I was sweating so hard, I wondered how I didn't faint. We collapsed on one of the stone benches. Small groups of students (probably teammates, probably friends) were walking around the courtyard talking about their vacation time, or maybe some of them were new students becoming friends. Most of the students were trying desperately not to trip and fall as they hauled their things indoors. A few managed, but others had no such luck. One poor guy accidentally opened his suitcase while he was pulling it out of a sand dune, and all of his things fell out. Another guy, maybe a friend or family member, dropped his things too help his buddy out. It made me glad to see that, even though it was a rough start for everyone, the school and the students still kept the same respect that Vacuo had for it's people.

Well... almost everyone.

"Hey! Your in my seat!"

Startled, I turned to see a tall blonde girl barely managing to stand straight and tall in her fancy clothes. And when I say fancy, I mean something a casual Atlisian citizen would wear: a sleeveless pink dress with a faint flower print towards the bottom. She wore a pair of hot pink high heels that were so ridiculously high, that I thought she was going for the floating princess look. Her face was covered in a super heavy layer of makeup. Her blonde hair was streaked with pink all over the place, and she was oviously wearing hair extensions, because there was no way that her hair was long enough to touch her butt.

"I'm sorry," I said as I looked at her sideways, "you must have the wrong bench."

"And the wrong school." Lyra added.

The blonde gave Lyra a distasteful look. "No one asked for your opinion, weirdo. By the way, are those pillows on your back? Or are you supposed to be some kind of 'rare' species or something?"

Lyra's face burned with hate "They're wings. And before you ask, yes, they are real."

"Well," the blonde sneered "I don't know what kind of trash is going through the headmistress' mind, recruiting freaks like you into one of the most famous combat schools in the world. You're definitely not worthy of even being here."

I was so mad that I got to my feet in an instant. "Well at least this is the most friendly kingdom in Remnant. In Atlas, they don't give a dime about anyone unless your rich. They definitely don't like faunus. And because of that, I think that Atlas is a crappy kingdom. I bet that you come from a rich, spoiled, ignorant, family who only cares about themselves. I wonder what would've made them hate you so much for them to send you to place that's to low for your standards."

She was so mad, that I thought she was going to blow a fuse. "What?! How dare you just assume..."

"I'm not assuming!" I snarled. "I was raised in Atlas. And I know first hand how awful the people are."

"You traitor!" She shrieked. "How dare you betray your home kingdom like..."

"Like what?" A taller girl walked up. She had deep red eyes, which shone behind a pair of circular spectacles. Her long brown hair was tied back in twin braids, and her bangs with red streaks were parted. She mainly wore dark red and brown colors, with gold as an accent. The only thing I could say was different about her, besides her clothes and her neat appearance, was her accent. I wouldn't say she sounded atlesian. Maybe she was half and half? I don't know. I couldn't tell how she felt because she looked pretty emotionless, but my guts told me she was far from pleased. I could tell because her position was rather tense and her tone was rather stiff.

"This little brat is talking trash about her home kingdom! She needs to be put in her place!" The blonde shook her head, flouncing her overdyed hair. The other girl rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. She used her other hand to push her spectacles in place.

"Sounds more like you need to be put in your place. If you wanted people who looked, walked and talked like you as friends, then you should have gone to Atlas. You made a poor choice in Academy chosing. Your physic doesn't even look huntress worthy. It's a surprise you even passed the Shade academy entrance exam." The girl bluntly stated, causing the blonde to glare daggers right through her newfound enemy.

"I-it's not my fault I was sent to this garbage kingdom! I was forced to! By my parents!" The blonde protested.

"Huh, how fun. It's a shame really. If this is an Atlesian tradition, then it must suck like crazy. What forced your parents to send you here, when you could have been at home, spoiled rotten to the core?" The girl grinned wryly. Boy, there was no end to the shame this girl could endow upon that blonde.

"And besides," I added, "Technically, I was born in Vacuo. So that gives you no valid excuse to call me racist."

"And I've visited Atlas in the past." Lyra said in a sour tone. "Do you want to know what I think of Atlas? It's an illusion. An illusion to all the people outside and in. People look at Atlas and think it's the best and most advanced kingdom of the present. But like any illusion, it can shatter in an instant. If you think Atlas is a great kingdom, then you can believe that if you want to. Nothing lasts forever."

"I've been born and raised in Atlas, and I will say that my lifestyle sucked, which is why I left to live in Vale. My only friend was a faunus, who was beaten and discriminated because of her faunus traits and family status. I agree with the standard that Atlas is nothing more then a mere fantasy. You can enjoy your beliefs, but watch where it will lead you, because it may lead you straight to your doom." The dark girl joined in. She wasn't even fazed by the Barbie girl's reaction. She just glared laser eyes through her plastic frame.

The blonde girl was looking at all of us with a murderous glare, "Well, I can't stand for any of this trash. I'm heading inside to find more sensible people to talk to. I think you all are a bunch of a..."

Her cuss word ( I'll let you guess which one,) was cut off by a squeal of joy that was so loud, that I almost had to cover my ears. It came from all the way across the courtyard, where the students were being dropped off from the airships. I couldn't see who exactly screamed, but she was definitely loud enough to silence the whole courtyard.

"Wow." I said in a small voice, "Someone's definitely excited."

"I bet even the people inside heard that, too." Lyra added. The dark girl nodded in agreement.

After a moment of silence, the blonde said, "Let this be a warning to you. If I see you ever again, then I will beat the stuffing out of you."

She gathered her four hot pink colored bags, and started struggling to get her things to the academy.

"What a jerk," the dark girl said, "I hope I'm never on a team with that girl."

"Um..." I looked more closely at the stranger and instantly realized something: the only luggage she had was a leather backpack. "Hey. Where are your bags?" I asked.

"I dropped them off at the Grand Hall." She said casually, "I kept my backpack on me just in case."

"Huh." Lyra nodded, "ok, who are you?"

"I'm Dracella. Dracella von Burgundy."

"Hi, there." I said "I'm Aliar Ivory." I helt out my hand. Dracella took my hand, and we shook.

"And I'm Lyra Phoebus. " Lyra shook hands with the new girl.

"Are you an Ivory?" asked Dracella.

"I am." I responded, "but I'm not into business, I'm a fighter."

"Interesting." Dracella said. "My uncle told me about the Ivory family. My parents don't like you guys."

"Um... Does this make us enemies?"

"No. In order for us to be enemies, we have to hate each other. I don't hate you."

Lyra let out her breath like she was relieved, "Thank goodness. Cause I thought you were gonna..."

"Take a selfie!!!" A squeaky voice behind me exclaimed.

I almost jumped out of my shoes. Behind us was the girl with the exact same voice that echoed throughout the courtyard. Except, she wasn't a girl, she was a faunus. She was wearing a vertically stripped skirt patterned with black and white. She wore a magenta colored shirt with short puffy sleeves, and a darker purple button-up vest on top of that. She had a pair of dark purple high heeled boots on. Also, she was wearing a tie across her neck. I usually thought that ties were worn by business workers, but she wore it like a practical joke. Her crazy, purple colored hair and matching colored cat ears only made her look more unprofessional, but in a good way. Maybe it was her black gloves that gave off the message that she wasn't here to mess around. With a folding fan on her belt, a scoll in her hand, and a look of pure craziness on her face, she looked like she was ready to fight an army of Grimm, then take a bunch of selfies of herself right next to the decaying corpses. Then, she'd probably take selfies with her scroll on every inch of the campus.

All in all, she looked like someone from the lower classes of Atlas, or maybe someone from Minstral.

"How did you get here?" Asked Lyra.

"I took the scenic route." She sounded like a girl who was living the life of a party. "Oh! And my name is Catness Magenta."

We all exchanged names. Then Dracella said that she had to go text her cousin before the welcoming ceremony, and she ran into the school.

"So," Catness asked, "Why aren't you two inside the building?"

I face palmed myself. "Right!" Then I turned to Lyra, "We should get our bags to the Grand Hall."

"Well if you wanna talk later, then I'm always available." Catness offered. Then she smiled, flashing two rows of shiny white teeth, and disappeared.

For a minute we didn't say anything. Lyra piped up first. "Huh. That was a thing."

"We should probably go drop our stuff off." I suggested. I picked up my black duffle bag and slung it over my shoulder. Then I grabbed my two white suit cases by the handles and got to my feet. Lyra grabbed a golden suitcase and a blue duffle bag.

"Yeah," she agreed, "We don't want to be late."

I amplified my Aura and the sand beneath my feet solidified, creating a solid ground for me to walk on.

"Lyra," I told her, "I may have just met you and I think you're a good person. I hope maybe we can be on a team together. Or at least be friends."

Lyra smiled. "Well we can be friends. And I think I could definitely live with you on the same team as me. But..." Her smile faded, "I don't know how they pick the teams. Let's just hope the system's friendly enough to at least let us make a choice."

"One can only hope." I muttered. "Wanna meet me at the auditorium after we drop our stuff off?"

"Sounds fun to me." Then she took off, flying over the scorching sand, with her suitcase dangling in the air.

"Oh yeah." I smiled as I walked towards the Grand Hall. "This may be a tough first year, but it's gonna be fun."

@saiyoyuutsume, @cinnamon-pineforest, @taiyang-too-long, @doctoroobleck, @fallentitan98, @ask-stjerne-a-fallende, @ask-dracella-von-burgundy, @ask-professor-goodwitch

[vxnevermorevx]

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

[lukereviewsftm-blog]

Mr Limpy review

Mr Limpy (3.5") became my first ever soft packer about two weeks ago. I'm not sure if that's enough time to decide whether I'm in love with it or purely despise it. There are a lot of pros and cons to this that I haven't seen many people talk about. That or it's just me who's experiencing this. 

Well, let's get into it.

Okay first of all the packaging and it's realistic-ness. The packaging was of course discreet (from ftmesstentials). Came within 2-3 days I think, don't recall but it wasn't long. There's nothing to worry about with the packaging to say the least. In terms of how it looks, man, this thing is super detailed. It has the peehole too, which I don't see too often in soft packers. The detail on this thing is so far the best I've seen. Y'know aside from the lousy 3 colors you get to pick from, pink (and i mean pink), vanilla (which I chose because I thought I was lighter than I am but I was wrong), and caramel (probably thinking I should've picked this even though it was a few shades darker than my skin). But whatever, when did packers ever come in your original skin color anyways? Yeap, there's no shading on this one my dears. So the color wasn't too realistic, but at least it looks nice.

So overall for packaging and looks? I give it a 9/10.

Moving onto how this guy actually feels in my underwear. I honestly feel like I'll be complaining throughout the rest of this review. Let's just cut to the chase, I think it's safe to say that it felt uncomfortable the first few days. This one takes a bit of getting used to. (I'm not sure if that's just me, I haven't heard this problem with anyone else but yknow, everyone's different and I'm speaking from my brutally honest experience and perspective). Well, I found my hand in my underwear every few minutes or so. Some of you might think I'm wearing underwear that's unfit to pack with. That might be the case, but I wear super tight boxer briefs from H&M (if y'all shop there y'all would know that these underwear don't have the peehole in them. And in that aspect, I find H&M underwear to be more superior than the tommy ones that I own). So I don't necessarily think the problem lies in my underwear, cause these boys are tight enough to make it look like I actually have some ass. lmao tmi. Anyways the problem with this guy is, like everyone says, he's ballsy! Too ballsy. The size of the shaft and all is beautiful, wonderful. But damn the balls are wayyyy too huge for the rest of the packer. This thing is like 60% balls honestly. And that's where the problem lies dormant. 

First of all, in jeans. In jeans and shorts that aren't basketball or any type of flowy shorts, this guy is wonderful. Wonderful until I walk out of the car and into Target where the packer itself has managed to turn completely sideways! I've heard one other person talk about this problem with this specific packer before. But then again, I find my hand in my underwear trying to fixate it to one spot. It works like that, like a cycle for the rest of the day. I give it around 30 mins until I feel like I really have to fix it.

But those are in jeans. Shorts and sweats are a different story. In sweats they make an obvious bulge, again because this guy is super ballsy. Everytime I'm lounging at home or with my girl in sweats or basketball shorts, It always looks like I'm up for action. Literally. I'm still sorta having this problem. Again, it takes some getting used to. And it always depends on you and what's comfortable to you. So far I think I'm getting the hang of it, finding the correct and most comfortable position anyways. But it's only been two weeks time for me, and I'm sure that's nothing compared to the 17 years I've lived without a penis. So of course it's going to take a lot of time to get used to it. Don't get frustrated and think that this packer is terrible, I mean it might be for you, but give it some time and don't give up on him. It's all trial and error. Trial and error.

So in terms of comfortableness? 6/10 mates. For now anyways.

This is just the etc. portion of this review. This guy tends to emit an odor. I mean what wouldn't after being all up against your sweaty junk all day? No surprise. But this guy's odor is strong, for me anyways. (A little embarrassing yeah, but I'm not the only one with this problem from what I've seen.) My previous body wash didn't serve well in masking the smell. The one I have now definitely does a spectacular job with it. So yknow, I recommend trying out different soaps and stuff for your packer. I just wash it in the shower with me so, I'm not sure what temperature it's best to wash it in. This guy also gets real sticky afterwards, so yknow dusting it off with the powder stuff or cornstarch should work, but personally I skip this step. (Not sure if that's a good idea or not, haven't exactly done my research on that.) I think the stickiness allows it to stay in place more than when it's not. Remember, washing and caring for your packer is important and vital to it's health and longevity!

More stuff here:

I have taken this to the pool and to the hot tub. So if you wanna know how that went, keep on reading.

I was worried about the pool because of chlorine, although I've heard it's perfectly fine for the beach's salt water. Someone said it was perfectly fine in the pool so I went in with it. I wore regular swimming trunks, ones with the net in it. I also didn't wear underwear because I totally forgot to pack some (the pool was at my friend's place). Luckily for me the net in the trunks were elastic, sorta like a hair tie but not that tight. Tight enough to keep my junior in place while I swam around. I stayed in the pool for about an hour, occasionally getting out of the water. It handled just fine. Personally it really helped with dysphoria when swimming. Because the bulge was there to show that I'm just a male swimming with a shirt on.

10/10 in the pool.

The hot tub, I was a little hesitant with. Because I've read the you shouldn't boil this dude. Probably because it'll melt into a pile of goo. But you know, I went in anyways. Maybe around 30 mins in total? The packer was totally fine despite the hot tub serving its purpose, being hot. I don't suggest sticking around for more than an hour though, but what do I know?

8/10 for the hot tub!

 I hope this was helpful! I don't regret buying it though. A good first time packer, good for the price too. I know finding your first packer is hard, but tbh you won't know whether you like it or not until you actually buy it! Good luck.

If you have any questions please ask.